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#so to see that people feel this kind of way is so strange
lightblue07 · 3 days
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Insecure |OP81
𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Oscar Piastri x Norris! Reader
𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Oscar knew that his girlfriend is wonderful... he didn't know that other drivers thought the same. feeling insecure should not be part of your relationship
MASTERLIST
A/n: English is not my first language!! (You can send writing ideas if you have any)
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Oscar walked through the Paddock looking for his girlfriend.  The day of practice was already over and they had agreed to go to dinner.  He carried her purse in his hands, having collected all of her belongings that she had left in the garage.
His girlfriend, always sociable and friendly with everyone, took forever to say goodbye, even if they would see each other again the next day.
He found her surrounded by some drivers. Max, Carlos and Charles were talking animatedly with her.  Oscar knew that they were as tired as he felt, but he also knew that Y/n was so mesmerizing that she would trap anyone in a conversation.
He approached slowly, not wanting to interrupt her, but knowing that they had to leave sooner rather than later if they wanted to get to the restaurant.
He stood next to her and she turned her head to smile at him with the brightest smile she had. he immediately felt y/n's hand intertwining with his.
"Are you ready to go?"
"Yes," she nodded and then seemed to remember something. "Wait, I didn't say goodbye to Lando, I'll be right back."
She let go of his hand, gave each driver a kiss before running towards the McLaren garage, waving off some journalists she had known for years.
"At this rate we will never leave" Oscar mocked and Carlos laughed next to him.
"Well, you managed to date the most sociable girl in the world"
"I know"
"You got lucky with her" Max commented after losing sight of her and joked "if we had known that the new guy would take the big prize, we would have sabotaged your arrival."
The other two pilots laughed and Oscar did too, but without understanding what he meant.
"what do you mean?"
Charles let out a small laugh "come on, as if you didn't know we all have a little bit of a crush on y/n."
"You are?"  He frowned
Carlos cleared his throat. "I mean, maybe... a little. But, mate, we would never do anything. She loves you and we respect her. Both of us."
Oscar saw y/n in the distance walking next to Pierre and they were both laughing.
Now, what he had always believed were kind and friendly glances, he realized were more.  Much more
"See you tomorrow." He said goodbye and walked quickly towards his girlfriend. The drivers looked at each other with regret.
"We screwed up"
"Yes, I think we did," Max confirmed.
Oscar couldn't think of anything other than knowing that everyone liked his girlfriend.
Not that he could blame them, she was one of the most wonderful people he had ever met in his life, he shouldn't be surprised that many noticed it too.
He felt strange, a feeling of insecurity settled deep in his chest and mind.
He always knew that he wasn't the best candidate to be her boyfriend.  A boyfriend like the one she deserved.  It was one of the reasons he had been so reluctant to date her in the first place.
Since he knew her, knew how different they were.  Where he was calm, she was a complete hurricane; Always going from one place to another, talking to everyone. 
And then there was him, who liked the tranquility, the silence.  He had friends, of course, and he really enjoyed their company and especially of his beautiful girlfriend, but sometimes being alone was very comforting for his brain.
And yet, she persisted with him. 
He was grateful that she had done it, but the doubt was killing him.
Did she know that she had more options than him?  What could she have whoever she wanted, if she wanted it that way?
Oscar wasn't as funny as Carlos, or as handsome as Charles.  He didn't even win as many races as Max.
It didn't make sense for Y/n, being so wonderful, to date someone like him.
And that thought was killing him.
He arrived at the garage the next day, at night he had not slept as much as he would have liked.  Dinner the night before had turned out quite awkward.
Y/n had felt bad, believing that she had done something wrong to make Oscar calmer than normal.  But she knew that had done nothing more than be the way that always was. She had decided to stay in her hotel room for the day to give him some space.
"Where is my sister?"  Lando approached Oscar to greet him
"She decided to stay at the hotel for today" he answered, put down the notebook he was reading "can I ask you a question?"
"sure"
"did you know that some people here like y/n?"
Lando nodded "well, yeah."  He looked at Oscar "It's been a lifetime, she has something that attracts people... and it's not her bond with me" he saw the frown of his partner and understood "You didn't know that?"
"No, I mean, yeah," he sighed tiredly, "it doesn't matter."
"I've never seen her as in love as is with you," Lando commented, patting his on the shoulder. "Don't worry."
"I am not worried"
"Well, tell to your face then. See you later"
"bye"
Oscar pulled out his cell phone when it rang, it was y/n.  he answered on the third ring
"Hey"
"hey babe" her voice was as sweet as always "I wanted to wish you luck today in qualifying"
Oscar smiled unconsciously "thank you" he made a silence and spoke again "I think I'll be a little late today, but we can order something from the room service if you want"
"I would love to, I'm sure we can find something that fits your diet"
"Yes, surely you will order the biggest hamburger you can find"
"You know me darling" he heard the soft laughter from the other side "see you in a couple of hours"
"Yes take care"
"always, I love you" y/n waited carefully for the response.
Oscar swallowed, and whispered "I love you too"
When she hung up, she stared at the phone for a second and then put it aside, laying down on the bed and staring at the ceiling.  Oscar had been acting strange since the day before and it was making her nervous.
Did he not love her anymore?  Was he doubting her relationship?  Was he finally getting tired of her and her personality overflowing from her? 
God, he hoped not, because she would be devastated if Oscar broke up with her.
Charles, Carlos and Max watched carefully as Oscar spoke to Logan from a distance.
"He's frowning," Leclerc commented to his teammates.
"maybe he's just concentrating on what they're talking about" Carlos said
"he seems a little angry" Max continued "If y/n finds out that we made her boyfriend mad, do you think she'll be mad at us?"
The Ferrari boys spoke at the same time
"Yes"
Max nodded "let's hope she doesn't find out then, y/n being angry isn't something I like to see...or face"
Oscar was listening to Logan speak, but without really listening to him.  His mind was completely out of whack and the Williams driver noticed it, in addition to his bad mood.
"Are you okay, mate?"
"yes, I'm sorry"
"don't worry, I understand. y/n didn't come today."
"why do you assume it's because of y/n?"
"Well, she keeps things pretty fun around here. I guess we all noticed when she didn't come to the Paddock."
Oscar let out a humorless laugh "I guess so, apparently everyone does" and added nonsensically, standing up a little straighter "She's my girlfriend."
Logan frowned in confusion and laughed a little without understanding "I know, everyone knows."
"right" he nodded without changing his posture, gathering his things "I have to go, my girlfriend is waiting for me. See you tomorrow"
"Sure. Tell her I hope to see her tomorrow, see you"
On the way back to the hotel, his bad mood settled on the road. When he got to his room he sighed before opening the door.
The room was empty.  He left the things on the desk
"love, is you?" he hear her voice from the bathroom.
"Yes," he answered, approaching the door, "can I come in?"
"of course"
Oscar opened the door to find her in the bathtub, surrounded by foam, her hair tied up, and she looked at him with a smile.
"How did it go?"
"P5, better than previous practices" he leaned against the door frame "how was your day?"
"Quiet, I went to the hotel gym and then to the spa. It was relaxing"
"I'm glad your day was good" he tried to smile "I'll go see what's on the hotel menu."
He was about to turn around to pick up the phone when she stopped him.
"Wait, you're not going to kiss me?"
"Yes, I'm sorry" Oscar cursed himself internally as he approached her and placed a soft kiss on her lips and got up from her before she could deepen the kiss "I'll order you a hamburger and fries."
Y/n frowned as she watched him leave her. she stood up from the bathtub and grabbed a towel to wrap it around her.
She found him talking on the phone and ordering food.  She waited for him to finish speaking so as not to interrupt him.
"You're going to catch a cold if you don't change quickly," he told her when he found her standing in the bathroom door.
"Are you going to break up with me?"
"What?"
"Are you going to break up with me?"  She repeated it slowly, separating the words
"No, why would I?"
"Since yesterday you've been acting strange, at dinner you barely spoke, then you don't want to kiss me and you talk as if you don't want to talk to me. If you need a little space..."
"Hey, hey, stop. I don't need space, I'm sorry for acting like that. I think I'm just tired from practice."
"and now you're lying to me" y/n shook her head and grabbed some clothes to go back to the bathroom to change.
When she came out, Oscar was sitting on the bed, with his hands on his face, looking stressed.  She tried not to pity him, after all he was the one who was lying and acting strange with her.
She was thinking about taking her things and going to Lando. Y/n knew her brother wouldn't mind sharing her room with her.
"Did you know you could date anyone you wanted?"  her boyfriend's voice sounded
"what?"
"literally anyone, you could be with someone who is more fun, sociable, handsome..."
"Wow, I need you to stop there and explain to me what all this is about."
Oscar removed his hands from her face and looked at her almost sadly.
"You could date anyone else, but you're with me. Why me? I need you to explain it to me, honey, because the doubt is killing me."
y/n walked up to him and sat next to him
"What do you mean by why? It's you. Everything about you fascinates me. From the first time I saw you, I knew I had to be with you. I can't imagine loving anyone else. You, with that calmness that counteracts my hyperactivity. You with all the things you do for me. You, who have done nothing but make me feel so loved."
Oscar looked at her with unshed tears "but I..."
She cut him off "there are no buts with you. I love you and I don't want to love anyone else. Because no one is more fun, handsome than you. And you are sociable in your own way, you always let me drag you to all the events I can. I think you don't realize how terrified I am that you'll realize you can do it better than me."
Oscar wiped away his tears "I feel stupid now" y/n stayed silent, waiting for her next action.  Her boyfriend opened the hugs "can I have a hug?"
"All that you want"
They stayed there, hugging the edge of the bed for a few minutes.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I didn't mean to make you feel like that, I would never break up with you."
"It's good to know" she separated from him and they knocked on the door to deliver the food.
Minutes later, when they were both already eating on the bed.
"Hey," she called after swallowing a big bite.
"What?"
"When you said I could have any man I wanted"
"yes..." he replied cautiously
"Do you think Henry Cavill would be with me?" she asked mockingly
Oscar took a piece of bread and threw it at her, causing her to laugh "shut up."
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sinizade · 8 hours
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B'ella, the Pale Child (Dark Urges Redeemed)
Class: Warlock (Barbarian subclass)
Romance: Bae'Zel
Besties: Scratch / Owlbear / Wyll / Gale / Karlach
One extra egg among all those eggs wouldn't make a difference, nor would they complain about having two extra hands to fight for the "glory" of their queen. This way, the hatching of this egg surprised the elders of that Creche a little, a child as pale as the moon and with eyes as red as blood that possessed a fury worthy of a demon, certainly that child had something inside him, but the Githyanki wouldn't get rid of a healthy child just because of surpestitions based on one of the babies' appearance... But should they?
B'ella was obedient, precise, deadly, her teachers could see and feel the almost insane pleasure she felt every time she beat her opponents in training, every time she made them bleed and beg... Something so... Sadistic... Even for a Githyanki child, it was unusual to have such an appreciation for death and the ways of killing, but then again, they weren't going to get rid of such a dedicated and useful fighter like her just out of superstition.
Her adulthood was only accompanied by an insatiable hunger, B'ella could have had her uses in combat, an animal, a monster, but when her abilities began to affect other Githyanki they finally realized that having her there was no longer safe or suitable for Creche, so in a clear desperate act they tried to contain B'ella, they tried to tame the monster inside her... The Slayer, but that obviously didn't go as they expected and her sadistic, cruel and psychotic fury spread to everyone in that Creche. Every teacher, every warrior, doctor, student, child, egg, all murdered, torn apart in a bloody dance that spread throughout each hall and that was when she heard a voice, a small creature that praised her... A praise that she never found she was going to receive, I told her that there was a place where she could be who she really was, where she could know what it was like to have a family that truly admired her for what she did...
That male human, that Enver Gortash, intelligent man. Tasting Gortash, subduing him to her whims was satisfying, but her devotion was only to her creator, to her god, to her father, Bhaal... But everything had been thrown into the trash with the betrayal of that insolent child, that damned and jealous changeling who took her rightful place.
Waking up on a ghaik ship with no memories left her disconcerted, but her focus now was to get out of there and return to her people and achieve purification. Having someone as adept in battle as Lae'Zel made it easier since the rest of her companions with the exception of Karlach left the pale gith with disgust in her mouth regarding combat.
It wasn't so bad being around that bunch of big noses, they entertained her, they seemed to care about her dark desires, not just for them, but also for her? This was new, not even she remembered the last time she received any kind of help (literally)
Lae'Zel... Zhak vo'n'fynh duj... B'ella could barely understand what she felt, she could barely know what she felt, she didn't know or remember that feeling, but with Lae'Zel everything was clear. .. She was her world, her sword, her flame, the source of her joy...
Finding out that she wasn't a child of Gith broke her, even if she managed to hide it well, it destroyed her completely inside, knowing that the years she spent in her Creche, that her "egg", that her life, was a fake life designed by her "father". That wasn't for her, even if it once had been, now it wasn't... B'ella would no longer be a Bhaalspawn, now she would be a child of Gith and follow Orpheus and her beloved Lae'zel into battle against Vlaakith's tyranny
Some extra information about B'ella
Her memory was "reset" to her times at C'reche as soon as she lost her memories, before her dark impulses took over.
She has a strange habit of keeping a lock of her enemies' hair for no reason, she just likes to have a memory of good battles, but when the enemy wasn't good enough she just crushes his head (She has a lock of hair with her from the hair of Minthara/ Ketheric/ Raphael)
Even though she appears to be reserved and cold, B'ella is considered TOO romantic when she is with Lae'Zel and only Lae'Zel, only her source of joy can see B'ella that way
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mcflymemes · 2 days
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PROMPTS FROM LIFE IS STRANGE, SEASON 1 *  assorted dialogue, suggested by ismelodrama, adjust as necessary
everything is a picture waiting for be taken.
you're just jealous of me because i actually do the things you can't.
are you hiding something?
i'm sick of your disrespect. tell me the truth!
i don't want to fight with you anymore. i don't want to fight with anyone anymore.
i was eating those beans!
how the hell did you know about that photo?
always take the shot. my number one rule of photography.
you just don't listen, do you?
there's something weird going on with you.
you've only been here for three weeks and you're already causing conflict.
after this week, you are certainly not a little kid anymore.
not now. i'm contemplating shit.
are you fucking kidding me? this is major bullshit!
i didn't have all the evidence at the time.
we all make decisions we regret.
i'm not gonna make any excuses for my behavior.
i'd put stephen hawking against picasso any day.
it sucks to be dragged into the spotlight.
nobody believes me anyway.
you're exactly the kind of soldier i'd want by my side in a war.
why the hell not?
i almost asked you to hang out.
you should have asked me.
maybe we're too much alike.
i don't believe anything you say. you're full of shit.
eat a dick, [name].
i'll be in the tardis getting my delorean ready.
since you're the mysterious superhero... i'll be your faithful chauffeur and companion.
you don't know who the fuck i am or who you're messing around with.
where'd you get that? what are you doing? come on, put that thing down!
don't ever tell me what to do! i'm so sick of people trying to control me!
so you can't help me?
i told you before that i'll always believe you.
i may be a pest but... i'm a good listener.
you're the bravest person i've ever known.
for every action, there's a reaction.
i'm trying. but you have to understand my position.
i know i can be a pain in the ass... and you've always treated me like a person, not a beta nerd.
why do you want all your friends to die?
oh i see. i'm not important to you anymore.
nobody lectures me. everybody tries though.
do not analyze me! i pay people for that.
hey, that's total slander!
you don't know shit about my father, or me.
you're all fucked!
everybody hates me.
[name]... it's me. i just wanted to say i'm sorry.
i truly am sorry for being such a bastard.
you would have been cool to hang out with.
you might as well choose me.
i'm not perfect, okay?
you have talent, [name].
you don't have to push people out of your way.
thanks for admitting again that i have some talent.
do you think it's, like, fate we're not supposed to be friends?
nobody says we have to be friends.
everybody lies. no exceptions.
i came for all of you.
i'm in a nightmare and i can't wake up.
no wonder they call it a "web." nothing can ever get out.
i wish i could go back in time and erase everything.
just tell me you do have the photograph.
now shut up and listen.
i'm not a real scientist.
i was just happy just being your friend.
[name], i'm so sorry you had to go through all that.
i don't think i can concentrate on going out to the movies.
everybody pretends to care until they don't.
even angels need angels, [name].
i might be naive, but i feel their struggle.
why did you stop me from jumping?
this shit pit has taken everyone i've ever loved.
when a door closes, a window opens... or something like that.
i keep going back in time.
how could there be a more important moment in history?
thank you for trusting me.
hey... be careful out there.
what kind of friend are you?
you never understood me, or what happened to me.
i'll always be alone, thanks to you.
just in case we don't get out of this...
i'm going to make the right choices from now on.
i've been feeling like this might be actually the end of the world.
i hate to say that i'm glad to see you, but i'm glad to see you.
i wish i could stay in this moment forever... but then it wouldn't be a moment.
if that tornado came right now, i would just sit here and watch for a while.
i just feel like escaping.
i have total faith that you'll do the right thing when the time comes.
with great power comes great bullshit.
am i pushing myself too hard?
you like to hurt people, huh?
i'm glad you decided to escort me.
i know this is a bad time, but can i get one picture?
of course i believe you. you're the most amazing person i've ever met, and i'm glad you trust me.
i don't have a fucking clue what's going on.
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paranorahjones · 20 hours
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okay so my theory about How To Train Your Dragon is that Astrid loved Hiccup WAYYYYY before the events of Romantic Flight but due to how the vikings lived in near constant combat with the dragons and young children/teens being forced to learn how to defend themselves and their families from an early age, she closed herself off to those feelings because by all accounts Hiccup was doomed to die. she resented how useless he was in combat, and she resented how much she cared. she was mean and dismissive to him out of fear that she would inevitably have to mourn him soon, and the colder she was the easier it would be.
then, miraculously, Hiccup begins to show some kind of competency in dealing with the dragons. but he's still not defending himself. he's finding strange ways of controlling them, but he's still as physically weak as he was before and Astrid can't see how whatever he's doing will help him outside of the training ring. great, you found out that Deadly Nadders like chin scratches. what about the Monstrous Nightmare burning down your house?
all this just makes Astrid angrier. how is Hiccup succeeding without violence? how will he survive without violence? violence is what she was born into. what does he know that she can't comprehend?
it's only later, when she sees that this scrawny beanpole of a boy has found a companion in a Night Fury, the embodiment of Death, that the miracle of him starts to make sense. he knows so much more than what any of their people can comprehend. and he wants so badly to show her. and for the first time ever, Astrid has hope.
i believe that this explains Astrid's comfortability and affection for Hiccup that she shows during and after the events of Romantic Flight, why she wraps her arms around him and kisses his cheek after everything. considering her personality, i don't think Romantic Flight shows her falling in love with Hiccup for the first time. i think she has loved him for a long time, and was too trapped in self-protection to allow herself to feel it (similar to Katniss regarding Peeta). but now she has hope that maybe he won't be ripped away from her. now she sees how much more there is to him, sees that he embodies Mercy stronger than Death.
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Note
Hi Sarah! First, thank you for always welcoming and opening up interesting conversations. I love that about this little corner of the internet so much! I guess what I want to contribute is that I can kind of see what that anon said as being someone’s knee-jerk reaction. But we have to remember, everything is speculation right now. Is TTPD a breakup album? It seems likely. But we don’t know if it’s to “trash” Joe. It could very much be talking about how they both made mistakes. (Cont…)
(Cont…) YLM is probably our first glimpse into things and I wouldn’t say it is trashing Joe by any means. Taylor is just sharing how she felt and HER side, which is what she’s always done. So that shouldn’t seem shocking? What does bother me though, is that it seems like it is more of the fandom that starts to trash Taylor’s exes more than Taylor does. The fandom acts like Taylor was being held hostage in a relationship when she was not. She made her own choices. (2) (Cont…) I have shared before about how I was surprised how quickly people turned on Joe. He was very important to Taylor for a time. 2016 drama, reputation, Taylor needing her quiet, etc…but obviously it broke down somewhere along the way. And that is what we are probably going to get more insight on? But the relationship wasn’t all terrible like some of the fandom is assuming. And I don’t think it’s fair to Tay to assume she is going to trash Joe when we DON’T KNOW yet. (3)
---
Hi friend! Tysm for this response and for choosing to be in this lil space and contributing to i so thoughtfully. I am no stranger to the knee-jerk reaction - I had a very unkind one typed out in response when that message was sitting in my drafts and let it stew for a long time like that until I finally felt like I could come at it with more space and the hopes of entertaining more open and beautiful conversations like this one! So again ty x2 for proving that intuition right that it was something that could indeed be turned around just based on one's approach and response.
It's been an interesting, very slight, change in tone and perception over the years of the Weaponized Songwriter. It's this strange view that her art exists as a means to bring Bad Men to their knees and not primarily as a method to process her own life experiences and to make sense of how others have made her feel. It isn't X did Y so they should Z. It's X happened to me and it made me A, B, C. She is the main character of her own cinematic universe! It isn't about 'trashing' it's just about experiences and the unvarnished version of her truth about what that experience was.
Somehow - if it makes sense - I find myself equally bothered both by the trashing and the defence of the muses. Imo, they are tangential to the story and I just am not invested in what happens to them when they're written out of it. And I don't care to putting my energy into vilifying or protecting them when my investment is in the writer and her story.
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madanimalscientist · 3 days
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In Your Heart, I See the Start of Every Night and Every Day (Chapters 1 &2)
Charlie x Vaggie - Soulmate/Soulmark AU:
Angels don't have soulmates - they know exactly what purpose they had been created for. You might as well ask if swords had soulmates, or trees, or pieces of furniture.
In which Vaggie Falls, in more than one sense of the word, and Charlie is there to catch her.
Chapter 1 is kind of short so combining chapters 1 and 2 into a single post. Much thanks to the folks at the VoxVal HQ Discord and to @coppercrow for listening to me brainstorm/encouraging me. Crossposted to Ao3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/54737719
Chapter 1: Let Us Walk on Stained Glass
“Sinful filth like you has no place in Heaven…” Lute’s words echoed in her ears as she scrambled down the alley, staggering, unbalanced and in massive pain, trying to find somewhere, anywhere, to hide until this was all over. At least she wasn’t bleeding - the wounds from Lute’s sword had cauterized immediately, leaving the alley and her armor splattered with golden blood. Her underlayer was clean, and she’d stripped out of her armor, shoving it behind the bags of trash that littered the alley. If she could just hide herself somewhere, maybe she could blend in enough to escape notice until she figured out what the Hell (literally) was going on. 
Using her spear as a crutch, Vaggie leaned against a dumpster, briefly catching her breath, as her arm writhed with a strange sensation. It wasn’t the sharp pain of her eye or back, but a creeping, tingling feeling under her skin. She looked down, eye widening in horror as she saw the black markings coiling along her upper arm, spreading out across her shoulder. 
“No, no no no, no no no, not this….” she whimpered. She knew what this was - a soulmark. In humans they were a good thing, a gift after the Fall to remind them of their divine purpose and bring them closer to the Great Plan. Humans needed reminders of how they had deviated from the Path of Righteousness and soulmarks were meant to guide you back to those who would help you attain it, but ultimately they were a symbol of humanity’s distance from the Divine Plan. For angels who had been created out of the stuff of Heaven itself, soulmarks were unnecessary - they knew exactly what purpose they had been created for. You might as well ask if swords had soulmates, or trees, or pieces of furniture. 
She dragged herself further along the alley, slumping against a dumpster as she felt the tingling spread up her collarbone to her throat. The marks barely hurt, especially in comparison to her other wounds, but to Vaggie they might as well have been a searing brand. She was well and truly Fallen now, wasn’t she? When Lucifer and his host Fell, they were marked with symbols of the rings of Hell they were bound to for all eternity, a permanent symbol of their deviation from what had been Divinely Ordained. She didn’t want this! She hadn’t wanted to disobey, all she had done was hesitate. To question, to stop and think, to show mercy. Was that really such a bad enough sin to leave her marked and marred? To cast her from Heaven forever?
She collapsed against the dumpster, her spear skittering underneath it as she fell over, the shock and injury catching up with her. She knew she was a sitting duck like this, but she couldn’t keep going, she was too exhausted. And if she was Fallen now….well, whatever happened, she was going to get what she deserved.
Chapter 2: And What was Just a World is a Star
Charlie picked her way through the wreckage and debris of Pentagram City. The city’s elite had weathered the Extermination in their reinforced bunkers, but most weren’t so lucky. The property damage and carnage caused by the Exterminators had left many Sinners injured or worse, and just because Extermination Day was over didn’t mean danger had passed, far from it, unfortunately. The first few hours were usually quiet enough as people assessed what all had been damaged and lost, but soon enough the turf wars and territory squabbles would start up again. If she wanted to have the best chance of helping survivors without getting caught in the crossfire, this was it.
Already people were barricading their own areas, and she conjured some extra hammers and sandbags for  a group of demons who were trying to reinforce a damaged storefront. Everywhere there were bloodstains and bodies, wreckage and ruin. She helped where she could, where it was welcome - lifting heavy objects here, conjured water and first aid supplies there. About half of those she encountered told her to fuck off and leave them alone, but that wasn’t unexpected, though it was, as always, disheartening. 
Further towards the city center, she found that her favorite bookshop was still standing, but had lost half of its staff when a group of Exterminators had gotten inside. She expressed her condolences to the proprietor, who readily accepted her help in repairing the damage, but even as she used her magic to help mop away the bloodstains, it felt like so little in comparison to what she wanted to do. What was the use of being Princess of Hell if she couldn’t protect her people?
In the past she’d argued that they should do something to stop the Exterminations, that they should be fighting back. She couldn’t understand how he didn’t see his own people as worth fighting for. She spent weeks researching and diagramming and had drawn up a full-on battle plan as to how all the forces of Hell could be combined across the rings to protect the Sinners from the annual purge, only to have her parents firmly explain that this simply wasn’t possible. Getting the Extermination limited to just the Sinners had been difficult enough to negotiate, and any overt move against Heaven could see them plunged into all-out war. 
“The Hellborn are protected from Extermination because of the treaty we signed,” her father had said. “That specifically includes you.There are millions of Sinners, but I have only one daughter! I am not taking the risk that some overzealous nutjob can’t tell the difference between you and an acceptable target and tries it anyway. I can’t lose you! ” The sheer anguish on his face had stopped her in her tracks. They didn’t argue often, but that one had stuck with her. 
She’d dropped the subject, but for a while after it had felt like she couldn’t have a moment to herself, always being watched by her tutors or servants, as if they were waiting for her to run off and declare war on Heaven in a fit of rebellion. As if wanting to save her people was a phase she would grow out of rather than a matter of doing what was right. Things had gotten even more tense and awkward for a while, with lots of uncomfortable silences at meals and lots of Charlie screaming into her pillow when she was alone. She understood their fears, or at least their unwillingness to take overt action, but why couldn’t she at least do something ? Over time, the tenseness and distance got worse, and she was left feeling like neither of her parents understood her....like they didn't want to even try.
Eventually, they’d made a Deal: if she really wanted to move out of the Palace and have her own space, she could live in the family’s old mansion on the outskirts of Pentagram City. But she would not be able to leave the mansion on Extermination Day. She’d rankled at it, but he’d held firm. Once Extermination Day was over she could do as she wished, as long as it didn’t violate the treaty with Heaven, and for the other 364 days of the year she was welcome to try any outreach efforts she wanted. Recognizing it as the best deal she was likely to get, she’d agreed, but some part of her was still disappointed she wasn’t able to do more. Instead, she had focused her efforts on really trying to get to know her subjects, now that she was living a lot closer to their main city.
It had…..not gone as well as expected, honestly. A friendly smile and a can-do attitude got you a lot of places but winning over hearts and minds in Hell was not one of them. A lot of Sinners had blown her off from the get go. But she hadn’t let that stop her, and she kept trying. It had only been a few years but she’d made some headway already, there were a few shops and places in town where she’d become a regular visitor, and had even gotten to know some new people. People that weren’t her former classmates from Hell School or the stuffy Goetia courtiers that ran Hell’s bureaucracy, even! And her post-Extermination Day first aid and cleanup missions had been helping, she was sure of it. 
Passing by the opening of an alley, she saw a woman slumped against a dumpster. She stopped dead in her tracks. Oh no, this wouldn’t do at all…someone by herself all out in the open like this and injured…the Exterminators may be gone but she would be easy pickings for any scavengers that came by. Especially this close to Cannibal Town... If Charlie could move her to a safer location….yes, that would be good! She could help this nice lady find her way home and then still get back in time before the heavy artillery fire got going.
Close up, she could see that the woman was a grey-skinned Sinner with short fluffy white hair, clad in a white and grey dress over black leggings. Her soulmark, larger than most, appeared to be some sort of musical notation, oh how cute! Of course the more pressing issue was the woman’s eye, which was clearly badly injured. Good thing she had been passing by, the Sinner clearly needed medical attention right away. With an injury like that, no wonder she had passed out, and who knows how long she had been lying there. Yes, she could help patch her up and get her to safety, and there would be one less Sinner in danger. It wasn’t much, what she did could never be enough, but it was something at least. She carefully moved closer, and as she did, the woman’s other eye opened, revealing a red sclera with a pale gold iris. 
“Excuse me, miss? Hi, sorry, can you hear me? Do you know where you are?” She asked, leaning in towards the woman, her voice full of concern. 
“Mmmmh?”  The woman looked up at her blearlily, still slumped boneless against the dumpster. 
Right! Always best to ask before rendering medical attention but needs must. “Hi, I’m Charlie, I’m here to help you, okay? You’ve been badly injured. Just sit right there, and I’ll get you fixed up in a jiffy!” She knelt in front of the woman, pulling out some gauze from her pocket. “Let’s get your eye seen to…”
She moved to start bandaging the woman’s face, feeling a prickle of static electricity in the air as she got closer. She briefly wondered if a storm was coming in, resolving to get them both under cover as soon as possible just in case, and reached towards her face. 
Time seemed to slow as she touched the other woman’s skin, the slightest touch of fingers against cheek sending an electric shock between the both of them. It was like touching a live wire. No, it was like being the wire. No, it was like being the storm itself, electric and euphoric all at once. It was so intense it felt like it should have hurt, but it didn’t hurt at all! It felt amazing, like she was touching Creation itself, like whatever this was, it was Exactly Right. 
She came back to herself, breathing like she’d just run a marathon. Her fingers were still gently touching the other woman’s cheek, but they were sitting in a small crater, the alleyway around them having been reduced to rubble from what had just happened. 
She felt herself blushing as they both stared at each other in wide-eyed shock.
“Ooooooh my gosh!”
~~~~
More to come, probably after Easter - anticipating about 6 chapters all told probably? Will feature Lucifer in flashbacks in future chapters, and some Ozzie/Fizz in later chapters as well.
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softguarnere · 3 days
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Like A Girl (Like A Man)
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Shifty Powers x OFC
Chapter 39 - Epilogue: Donadagohvi
Summary: She studies her husband’s face. It’s lined with age, but still as beautiful and as bright as the day she met him. A/N: Alright, y'all - we've made it! But before we get started, I've got some things I have to say. This fic was started during a very strange era. I hated what was going on in my life but didn't know how to fix any of it. Long story short, but I decided to run away one day, and ended up in Toccoa. While standing in the military museum there, I started thinking about Deborah Sampson (a childhood hero of mine), and wondered what would happen if a story like hers happened during WW2 - specifically, if she was a paratrooper. Thus, Zenie appeared in my brain, and this epilogue wrote itself in my mind as I went through the museum. I was never sure if I would share this fic until the second that I hit "post." Zenie was just a way for me to blow off steam, to escape - to fulfill my desire to be someone else for a bit. (Coincidentally, all themes throughout the fic.) I didn't know how people would respond to this story, or to this character, and I only ever had the courage to start uploading chapters because of friends like @latibvles and @liebgotts-lovergirl who showed enthusiasm for it. So I couldn't upload this chapter without a massive sgi (thank you) to them, as well as to everyone else who has read this fic and been so kind to it, and to me. Thank you for welcoming me into this fandom. Thank you for allowing me to share the Cherokee language with you. Thank you for all the support you've given me for both my writing, and as friends. Whether you knew it or not, all that kindness came at a time when I really needed it, and I appreciate you all. Without further ado, here's the last laglam update, in which the fic's title finally makes sense. Much love 💖 Warnings: language, alcohol Taglist: @latibvles @liebgotts-lovergirl @lady-cheeky @dcyllom @mads-weasley @ithinkabouttzu @mrs-murder-daddy @lieutenant-speirs
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Eugene looks just the same as he did when Zenie first met him. So do all the other men on this side of the reunion. For her part, she also looks the way she did when she first met all of them – albeit like a girl rather than like a man. For now, her hair is long, and her chest unbound.
No one seems to have figured out why they all look young again, and it has only been mentioned in passing during the reunions. There are better things to do, like visit with those they can, and pass between the ones they left behind, feeling their hearts swell with love as they watch them laugh, watch them remember – watch them live.
Another thing that no one has figured out is why they seem able to come back to this world at certain times. David Webster says he once read that the veil between their worlds thins during certain times of the year, and that maybe this is true of the Easy Company reunions. Zenie, however, likes to believe that it’s the love of the people still living who allow them to come back. All that love with nowhere to go. Love so strong that remembering the people you felt it for brings them back.
No time to wonder now, though. Gene is already smiling at her in greeting.
“Hello again,” he greets as she joins him.
“Gene,” she teases him with an affectionate poke to his ribs. “You haven’t aged a day since I met you in forty-two!”
“Eh, I don’t know about that, Tommy Boy,” Luz’s confident drawl digresses as the radioman swaggers up beside her. “You look a little taller. What, did you finally hit puberty or something?”
Zenie rolls her eyes, but there’s no malice to it. She did, after all, keep him in the dark about her secret until her very last day in Europe. Instead of leading him on, she asks, “How does everyone look?”
“Us? The same as ever. Them? – “ Luz gestures towards the reunion that can’t see them. “ – Well, I guess they’re aging with grace.”
“Have you seen – “
“Bill and Babe are at the bar, as per usual. And your darling husband is somewhere around the middle.”
Zenie takes a step forward before turning quickly to face her friends. “Do y’all mind if I . . . ?”
Gene smiles. “Go ahead. That’s why we’re here.”
Grateful, Zenie takes off through the crowd. Visiting her friends like this is something she always looks forward to, but visiting those she left behind is a rarer treat, and she would like to check up on them. Especially Shifty. 
Bill and Babe – to no one’s surprise – are the easiest to find. They’ve got the bartender in stitches with their jokes, and their own accented guffaws are like a lighthouse cutting through the crowd that makes them easy to navigate towards.
“Siyo, boys!” Though they can’t see or hear her, Zenie takes a seat beside them at the bar. “What’s new with y’all?”  
“They’re drinking everyone under the table, as usual,” a familiar voice beside her announces as none other than Joe Toye takes a seat beside her. His expression is just as relaxed and confident as when they were young, but as he watches their living friends, something like longing flickers behind his eyes. “Too bad that we can’t show them who the real champs are anymore.”
“At least we can visit them.”
Joe nods, smiling sadly. “You made your rounds yet?”
“Not yet.”
“Well, we got time,” her friend assures her. They have nothing but time, actually. And they use it to sit with their friends, laughing along with their jokes and making their own, even though Bill and Babe can’t hear them.
As their jokes turn to remembrances, Zenie finds herself swept up in Babe’s retelling of the time she chucked an apple at Cobb’s head back in Holland. She barely remembers the scene, able to recall only a flash of anger and a split-second decision. Babe’s version is far better – he paints her out to be some sort of knight in shining armor coming to defend the honor of her friends.
Bill shakes his head and chuckles into his drink. “Goddamn. Zee sure could make a scene.”
“You weren’t even there when her secret got out,” Babe notes. “Now that was a scene!”
“No one ever brings it up,” Bill marvels, his eyes roaming over the crowd, searching for something. “You would think everyone would talk about it all the time. I mean – shit! A woman disguised herself as a man and made it from Toccoa to the bitter end before she got found out, and no one at the reunions brings it up.”
Zenie can’t help but smile at that. It’s true – her secret got out, she had to leave in a state of semi-disgrace, but at the Easy reunions, she was usually only acknowledged as Shifty’s wife. Sure, every now and then someone would tell a funny story about Sergeant Driver before throwing a knowing wink in her direction, but after all this time, it’s like they’re still keeping her secret for her. For her own part, she never brings up her service, except to mention in passing that she met her husband during the war. Even her own children seem to be under the impression that she must have been a nurse or a WAC, using that explanation to fill in the story’s blanks. Zenie never confirmed or denied their suspicions.
“Wish she were here,” Babe sighs. He orders another round of drinks, three this time, before placing one in front of the seemingly empty bar stool beside him – unknowingly, right in front of Zenie. He raises his own glass as he offers the last one to Bill. “To Zenie.”
Bill clinks his glass against Babe’s in a toast. “To Zenie.”
“To the best friends I ever had,” Zenie adds. During her last reunion – and even during the last year or so of her life – she could sometimes swear that she could feel a presence that she couldn’t explain. An unshakable feeling that those she loved who were already gone were somehow watching her would wash over her, though she could never explain why she felt that way. Now, she wonders if her friends feel that way about her. Just in case they do, she channels all her love into those words, hoping and praying that they can feel it.
As if on cue, the bittersweet moment ends when a woman with sleek, dark hair approaches the bar, smiling. “Uncle Babe! Are you ready?”
“Luna.” Zenie watches as her daughter throws an arm around each of the men at the bar, her smile just as bright as her father’s, outshining the sun itself.
“The real question is, are you?” Bill teases his goddaughter, cocking an eyebrow. “Don’t forget, kid, that your uncle is a champion jitterbug dancer.”
Luna sizes up the man in question. “Well, I’ve been practicing.”
“Don’t worry about her.” Babe takes one last sip of his drink and waves off Bill’s concerns. “Her mom could have been a champ, too. It’s in her genes; she’ll be fine.”
“The DJ said it’ll be the next song . . .” Luna begins explaining as she hooks her arm through her uncle’s and leads him towards the small dance floor.
Bill watches them go, chuckling to himself. “Real firecracker.” He glances at the drink set out in honor of Zenie. “God, I wish you were here, little brother. It’s not the same without you.”
“I am,” Zenie assures him. She’s only been gone for two years, but things have changed. That might have scared her once. Not anymore. “I have to go find Shifty. You don’t mind, do you?”
Bill doesn’t answer, of course, but it’s polite to ask all the same. Granny didn’t teach her to mind her manners for nothing.
Zenie weaves her way through the crowd of both the living and the dead. She greets several people, stops to exchange a handshake and a kind word, and sends a nod to those who she catches lurking at the edges of the room – people like Liebgott and Captain Speirs, who only show up in the margins of the reunions, watching, but never joining in. She needs to thank those two specifically at some point. But it’s like Joe said – they’ve got time.
As Luz promised, Shifty is seated at a table in the middle of the room. Their sons, Wayne and Willie, sit on either side of him, laughing along with some story that he, McClung, and Popeye are in the middle of telling. Zenie finds a space to stand behind her husband, being as present as she can. She places one hand on Wayne’s shoulder, and the other on Shifty’s.
At the moment of contact, Shifty’s posture stiffens, and his head turns slightly. Zenie freezes, like she’s just disrupted something. Has she? Can he feel her here?
Shifty only listens to the story being told halfheartedly now. He smiles and laughs in all the right places, but it’s obvious that he’s distracted. These reunions are supposed to be fun. Sure, they can get a little emotional at times, but she doesn’t want her husband missing out on her account. He’s still got a life to live. He needs to be in the present moment and enjoy it.
Zenie bends slightly so that she’s close to Shifty’s ear. She doubts anyone else at the table knows that she’s here, but she wants this to be a private moment for the two of them.
“Shifty,” she whispers. “I’m here. I just wanted to make sure that you’re okay.” She has to pause for a moment to think about what she wants to say. It’s one thing to plan what you’re going to tell somebody, and another thing entirely to deliver the message. Sometimes things get lost in translation. She learned that during their break back in the war.
She studies her husband’s face. It’s lined with age, but still as beautiful and as bright as the day she met him. God, she misses him. She misses all of them.
“The boys look well,” she continues, looking between their sons. “I hope they’re taking care of you for me. They’ve always adored you.” She pats Shifty’s shoulder. She shouldn’t take up his attention too much longer. “Take your time. Enjoy it. I’ll be waiting for you, okay? I’ll see you soon, Shifty.”
Not sure if it will work, she plants a kiss on his cheek. When she pulls away, she watches as Shifty’s hand comes up to touch the place where they made contact. Maybe he really can feel her here.
“Gvgeyui,” Zenie says. I love you.
Gene is waiting at the edge of the crowd when she finds him again.
“How’d it go?” He asks.
Zenie nods. “Good. You?”
“Good.” Gene’s dark eyes flick over the crowd. “It’s nice we get to do this.”
It is nice. Bittersweet, mostly, but it’s good to see their loved ones again, even for a short time before they have to go back. But returning isn’t bad, either. The weather is always warm. And there are people she loves waiting for her there.
In fact, she should get going for exactly that reason. Granny wants to dig ramps soon, and Mama informed her that there would be a pie waiting upon her return. No matter which side of the gauzy veil she’s on, there is always someone waiting for her, and always a place that she belongs.
For strength, Zenie takes Gene’s hand and gives it a squeeze. He returns the gesture, and they begin to walk away from the crowd. But before they go, Zenie can’t help but glance back at Easy Company one last time. Her eyes, as always, land on Shifty. She’ll see him again. She’ll see them all again, in one way or another.
“Until we meet again,” Zenie informs them all, whether they can hear her or not. “Donadagohvi.”
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paythewordsmith · 2 days
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i am marginally scared that this will get my head on a pike but i refused to be silenced any longer. kinda long, but william solaire thoughts.
i love william. he's genuinely cool, and there's so much untapped potential in his character. he's clearly a nice person, but also capable of a lot of bad too. he's got strange convictions and a huge degree of confidence we don't understand fully. are we not intrigued? i sincerely hope he doesn't meet his end/ get benched just because of the summit and sam/ (maybe) vincent leaving the clan.
i see a lot of people wanting william to be usurped and replaced by one of the other vamps, but i don't like that take. vincent is great, mind, one of my favourites actually, but he's not fit to be king (at least not yet, and he probably doesn't want to be anyway). alexis and porter are obviously out of the question too, unless we want the dumbass twins to explode the gaff on their first day. the clan would probably implode without william to hold it together amidst how bloody and gameofthrones-like vampiric politics seems to be. yeah, he's fucked up with honesty, but the man is over 500 years old and runs a very powerful clan. he's clearly got some kind of knack for it or he and his clan would've died off a long time ago. besides, arrogancy and deceit are neat little character flaws to explore, no?
idk but the solaire clan storyline wouldn't be the same without him. plus, he's a 500 year old enigma-we barely know his past beyond his turning, which is vague anyway. i like the mystery about him. i want to learn why he is the way he is. and, if nothing else, he's character development for vincent/lovely and a handy exposition dump because he's so ancient.
i feel the story is veering towards killing him/ writing him out or reducing him to a generic villain, which would be a shame since he's now got so interesting. i hope for a nuanced take with him. i like grey characters. let him have some depth. let him be silly, and do morally ambiguous shit. haven't a lot of the others (vega) done their fair share too but get redeemed? god guys, have you never been a little silly and whimsical before? sad. that's where we differ.
(this could all also be solved if he got a listener because i know none of your morals could ever possibly stand in the way of your sheer, frighteningly unrelenting horniness)
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loveletterworm · 5 months
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(homestuck specifically does not count here because its too popular and would break the intent of this question. I dont care if you read homestuck. Pretend it doesn't exist for the purposes of this question)
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mexreny · 1 month
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is it “I take creative liberties with my art designs of other people’s characters because they’re mythical creatures or monsters or animal hybrids or something but look I kept the roleplayers’/streamers actual in game skin AND irl physical characteristics into account because I drew them with colored hair or glasses or I made them short !! !!” or is it “i just don’t want to draw characters that aren’t thin and pale and even though their characters as well as actual bodies are not thin nor pale or blue eyed because their look as a person and their characters they’re playing in game doesn’t represent the idea of a desirable hot design of a person I have in my mind and I’m going to hide my abhorrence to certain facial and body features behind the argument that because they’re fictitious people I can mold them however I want”
“it wouldn’t be realistic to draw an _______ as the way the actual streamer looks” why not? why keep the certain features of certain people into your representations and not others? am I making sense? probably not nvm
#this is probably unreadable but it’s late and I’m kind of annoyed#should I tag this qsmp? You know what yeah#qsmp#because I’m seeing just a lot of noticeable things in art where Some and I repeat Some#artists are designing cubitos in a human form#and it’s strange to me#because some of the designs of the qsmp characters played by the streamers actually look like the streamers#and some jsut#dont#But the ones that look like the streamers have certain characteristics that are either thin and white#and the streamers that aren’t thin nor pale get kind of altered to appear that way even when their cubitos don’t#look that way?#Yea I feel like I’m being a little bitch but#I see a lot of people airing out their opinions and you know what this is mine#And this ABSOLUTELY does not apply to just the qsmp community#this applies to SO MANY FANDOMS either in Minecraft or in media like movies and tv shows esp animated ones#its just been on my mind#also routeriver does a beautiful amazing job of fusion between cubitos and the irl streamer’s characteristics. Love their art#I feel stupid but I’m still gonna post#Ik Mike in particular has a pale lil cubito#but the streamer himself isn’t but since the cubito looks different I guess it’s fine ofc#but I just don’t know how to explain it#when all your characters look the same#with the same small nose and the same big eyes and the same sharp no fat jawline#when the irl streamers who look like their cubitos don’t look like that#with thin thin bodies and white faces when the people just are not white when there’s much more white rep in the art community than there#is other ethnicities and races#bc there is btw#idk#My friends and I just don’t feel
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fairytale-lights · 9 months
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Looked at Instagram a little bit and I kinda feel like I'm going to die
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urostakako · 4 months
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its so odd thinking back to my life a few years ago compared to now
#like. my life really sucked. its so weird to think about that. every second before i thought 'its not so bad' even when it was bad#and now i see shit it really was that bad. i really did have a reason to want to kill myself all the time#maybe i dont have to blame myself for the person i was before while i had was dealing with all that stuff. who could act normally in that#kind of situation. of course i did bad shit and feel bad about it but i was a kid. and now im treating her the way that i was always treate#back then. i was in survival mode the entire time and just never realized it#and its so strange to think about how my life sucked and i was scared and alone all the time from the perspective of myself now#im not without support anymore. im not walking on eggshells anymore. im not afraid of violence all the time anymore#i dont believe my family hates me anymore. im not ready to pack up and leave because i think theyd be better off without me anymore#before i got good at anything my hobby was thinking of all the ways i could die and who would care. i spent all my time doing this#my daydreams were only about how people would react if i died. i dont do this that often anymore. close to never. and its so odd to remembe#since i was 6 i used to think this way. and up until a year or two ago i hated every version of myself and blamed them for me#but how was that fair. my life doesnt suck anymore. people i was without came back to me and love me#i see my cousins all the time. when i text them they text back. they ask me if im okay. they know when im not eating even when theyre not#around. i dont walk on eggshells around my mom as much as i used to. her attention isnt as divided as it used to be.#my brother is more of a brother than a stranger or an enemy. the image of him now and our relationship compared to what it used to be is#crazy. i had so much reason to be sad back then. i dont know why im still sad now when i got out of that life.#even now the reasons i have to be sad have dissolved. i used to feel like i was going insane without anyone to say the things i want to to#but i can say them to my cousin now. i have places i belong. its so strange to think about. idk#aricouldyounot
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seaglassdinosaur · 8 months
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Remembering that two long-running arcs of the Origami Yoda series regarding Dwight were his classmates becoming real friends with him as they stop seeing him as the ‘weird kid’ and connecting with him as a person, and Dwight starting and continuing to date Caroline, the girl he likes. These arcs present to the (presumably neurotypical) audience, an autistic-coded character as someone nuanced and human, who is capable and desirable as a partner and friend, encouraging the idea of looking past dismissive judgements of strangeness and to try to understand people, and even if you can’t, accept them and appreciate them for who they are.
#I am having thoughts and feelings abt origami yoda agin#because like. those are the major arcs w Dwight-the ones that aren’t kept to one book alone#it’s nice seeing them go from kinda just tolerating Dwight because he’s a similar outcast and they need yoda#to them actually liking him and wanting to spend time w him (see the museum visit when tommy is ditched by kellen for Dwight)#and Dwight never magically changes to become ‘normal’. the closest he gets is when he’s at that private school which is observed as kind of#stifling? to all the things that make Dwight interesting and creative#nah the series goes on and Dwight still stims and gets sidetracked by his special interests either to his benefit or detriment#but none of the kids have a problem with him for it. they get that it’s Dwight and these are the things he does#they don’t have a ton of moments of insight into dwight. they talk but they don’t dissect their conversations to parse out what he means#and that makes their communication of messages a little tricky#but the thing is: even though Dwight doesn’t tell them in a way they understand why say the rib bq is so important to him#or why he stims or what sensory issues he has because they might not have the language#even though they don’t have that passage of conversation clicked up#they accept these things as a part of him. and I think that’s a nice message to send.#maybe you won’t fully understand the people in your life but you should try. and even if you can’t you should accept them. quirks and all.#the strange case of origami yoda#origami yoda series#my post#tscooy
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luobingmeis · 8 months
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lrb i think something very. interesting. that has cropped up from the push for “good pure moral media” is that it has simultaneously brought the “push for representation” movement—something that is good and should be promoted bc all different types of people should be represented in media, not just the white/cis/het/able-bodied—to this idea that media should at all times be Representative. like maybe it’s just a slight difference but i think a lot abt that post that occasionally goes around that’s like “if ur writing just to check of a series of boxes in representation, ur gonna end up with very flat characters.” like, yes, A Lot of the conversation abt representation also began with a lot of media falling into the trope that the only Black/queer/disabled character was also the villain, which then in turn causes negative associations while also feeding into stereotypes one way or another, so i won’t discredit that. but Now it’s like. how much media upholds itself on “finally being pure representation.” finally showing “good people.” like yes at all times u should be cognizant of Who ur representing and in What way (who is the villain, who is the antagonist, who is being upheld as the good heroic one, etc), but sometimes it just feels like. “everyone in this media has to be good and pure to prove it’s not like degenerative ~other~ media” (op’s note: heavy sarcasm there) or it feels like “if we don’t represent everyone here in a way that is relatable to every viewer and if they are not all good and pure then we will be torn apart.” which then feeds into the concept of “relatability” which, again, i feel like used to be about how like. you can relate to a character even if they are not like you (which tbh i believe that you shouldn’t have to relate to a character at all to enjoy and understand a story but i digress bc the main point and this one are not mutually exclusive), and now has become a bit. hm. like things are upheld as universally relatable Because of how good and pure it is? and that it Should be relatable and if it isn’t that’s Your problem.” or the even more fun “why are you consuming this media if you don’t relate to it/the characters aren’t like you” because apparently fiction is made solely so you can relate to it and not because it’s art that can be, yes, related to, but also appreciated and understood without needing to point at it and be like “that guy is like me.”
which is all to say i think more people need to read more books where the characters you love do stuff that makes you say “hey that’s fucked up.” and then you realize you still love the character and it does not change your Real Person Morals because you have come to the realization that the books you are reading as an adult are meant to entertain and are not the same as the books you read when you were five years old (you know, the ones that were meant to teach you that lying is bad and hitting people is wrong).
which is all to say (part two) that we should also not go completely opposite end of the spectrum bc that is how we cycle back to “””coincidentally””” making the only minority character the villain and perpetuating stereotypes left and right. so maybe there’s a nice middle ground.
#anyways i think ************ is fun and cute but the way the fans are showing their whole entire ass on twitter#upholding it as the epitome of good pure representation while also being very racist abt it#has really got me thinking#and also my more hot take i have begun to hate the push for needing to relate to characters#*hot take in a sarcastic/joking way. if i could edit tags on mobile i would take that out bc it feels dismissive of the prev point#and i am someone who has /related/ to characters#and still do!!#but sometimes it feels like.#there is this idea that if u cannot relate and project#and treat a professionally published character as just a mold for u to shape and take away from canon#and essentially make into an oc#then there’s something wrong with the media#also furthermore the discussion that crops up abt ‘reading abt people u dont relate to’ is so strange#bc there was such a push to publish all different kinds of stories#(rightfully so)#but now sometimes u see discourse and it’s like#people very much view consuming media as just a way to see urself /and only that and nothing else/#and thus if u consume something that doesn’t represent who u are- u must have bad intentions#(which isn’t to say that relating or wanting to see urself is inherently bad#absolutely not!#but it’s like. art in general needs to be made and treated as /more/#bc if it just works to represent and nothing else#we will just keep having these moral panics and less and less nuance)
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stillfruit · 9 months
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it's so difficult to articulate the feelings i get when i see my friends engaging in healthy and good behaviors like asking for emotional support and taking the time they need to arrive because i just can't and i know i'm wrong for it but it still feels incredibly isolating
#i ofc never show this externally because i know how to act like a person i know to show empathy etc etc#and when i say i'm wrong i mean that i recognize that it's my problem how i feel and it's caused by my own issues and#it's not something i would ever put on somebody else because as i said it's not their fault i'm too repressed to do anything#but still it feels so strange to see other people having many relationships and doing so many things and still being like :( i'm so lonely#or outwarldy saying they really want to talk and that they need support with something#or always being late#i support all of that!!!! but i also know i can't do that and when we discuss relationships i know i always relate to the bad people#in the story who are not open and who do things wrong and are not considerate enough and so on#there are these common expressions such as loneliness that have vastly different meanings for people and that difference not being expresse#externally really ever makes me feel insane because it makes me feel like other people apply their understandings to my experience#anyway this was inspired by me not having friends to do sports with and also feeling like an ed relapse could be on the way#but it's not like i can do anything to either of those things because first i would never force people to exercise if they don't want to#and my friends don't enjoy the same things as i do or at least not in the ways that i do and it would be difficult for me to ask them#and second it's not like anyone even knows anything and even if they knew what could they do. nothing#the kind of “aww remember to eat” thing just doesn't fuckign work for me i need to stab myself with something#two years of uni left two thesis to do but after that idk what's keeping me here there are things that i like and people i care about#but on the long run i'm just sad and will get more alone and lonely as time passes and people find their places in each others' lives#in between these episodes it's fine i like my space i like to do things alone it's exhausting to be with people all the time but yeah#shit talking
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arihi · 9 months
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There are small quirks about me. Like if my stomach is cold, I’m 80% likely to get a stomachache in the next 30 minutes, or how my hands are pretty consistently warm, and when I start to get sick or feel ill my icy fingers are the first symptom. I’m self-conscious about how my legs look, but bulking up and putting on muscle makes me feel more okay with them. It’s all small stuff, everyone has similar things and they’re not quite unique, but observing them in myself makes me feel like an observable person instead of a zoned-out passenger in my own body going along with the path of least resistance. And it makes me feel more like me. (And I like it.)
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