#so this is my tea that i bought myself

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

helloooo my dearest darling listeners, i am back on my soapbox to regale you all with the marvelous things i witnessed/experienced on my Whimsical As Fuck™️ three hour drive today. not necessarily in order <3

some cute does with bigass floppy ears / very sweet waitress who called me "hon" and put the most tasty looking crepes on my table / a pair of hawks divebombing a golden eagle / a kite (the bird) / a flock of magpies / some GORGEOUS scenery / a rainbow / lovely rain sprinklings / MORE gorgeous scenery, i mean what the fuck / fields of purple/orange/red tipped bushes / a meadow of buttercup-yellow very tall grass, in which many picturesque trees stood / lots of fluffy, adorable, tasty cows / a large herd of likely-feral horses with a wonderful variety of patterns & colors / the fluffiest husky ever / the juxtaposition of cold wind through an open window + warm sunlight / the most stunning snow-coated mountain of whites and blues in the sun, wreathed in clouds / no seriously some really fucking Gorgeous scenery, i was near tears with some of it

#i am feeling. Better Than I Have In A While #you know! last night i was very unhappy that i would have to do this drive! #but after my 2 hour doze in the ihop parking lot #and a nice breakfast of crepes and tea w/ my book #i was feeling better and decided Fuck It. im gonna make myself enjoy this drive #im gonna take my goddamn time and really absorb my surroundings #by fuck i will stop at a rest stop and take a walk! and i did all of it! #life is actually worth it! glad to have continuous confirmation of that #its so nice to drive and actually see things #beautiful landscapes... wildlife... Geography... #instead of just Flat. Scrub. Brown. More Scrub. Dirt. Dead Scrub aka Tumbleweed. Boring Brown Hills. No Weather. #i can go outside the clouds are Full and the air is Fresh and birds are Singing and i am Alive #absolutely unprompted #i expect the feeling of realness to fade soon but i will enjoy it while it lasts! #and maybe if i feel it often enough it will outlast the disconnect! #now i think i am going to treat myself to a pork bun i just bought & get one of the nice beers from the garage #ive Earned It! #you all treat yourself to something you like as well. we have all earned it simply by existing! #you're here today! Yippee! indulge! #im feeling so fucking whimsical today... ill go work on setting up my extra monitor and figuring out how the fuck that works! #my mic has already arrived! i have hope that i will do a test stream Soon!

[gxlden-angels]

If you're currently at home, pretending to be a good little christian despite the internal conflict, I see you. If you're on your own for the first time, I see you. If you feel guilty either way, I see you.

Shit's fucked! But it does eventually get easier

#I'm the second one rn #Partially by choice #partially because I stressed myself out so badly trying to make a choice that I gave myself a migraine #and can't drive home to be a good lil christian #but I bought myself some new lavender tea and a fancy teapot #and I made lemon syrup from scratch last night #and my therapist is willing to do a quick text check in with me #so I'm going to be alright #eventually #right now I'm not and that's okay too #and if you're not okay dear reader of my blog #that's okay too #you're allowed to be upset #that's something I'm still learning to accept too #it takes time #but it does take #happy fuck colonizers day I hope you enjoy yourself #I'm thankful for the community I have here #ex christian #religious trauma

[tvckerwash]

guess who caved after like a year and bought themself a misaki figure? me!!

#it's that one based off one of haimura's illustrations where she's sitting in a cafe having tea #i was originally saving it as a prize for myself whenever i finally got my permit but that was going no where do i said fuck it and bought #it as incentive to study for my permit lol #so uhh let's see if that works #mine

[kimmkitsuragi]

i finally understand the temptation of buying a beverage

#i mean i love drinking tea all the time but u dont necessarily buy that everyday u know #u can just do it yourself instead of buying it from a cafe #but this one.... i tried to look for the recipe but it looks like this one place just made it up and it's so. mmmmhhh #so will i be buying an overpriced drink the first thing tmrw morning before i go sit in my language class? yes #my friend bought that one during one of our lotr days this week and she was like omg check this out and let me taste it #it was so good i bought it for myself the next day #and since that day im like....... i can almost taste it rn....... a phantom taste in my mouth........... i need it............. #etc etc and hi btw if anyone is still reading #i didnt stop here that much this whole week and honestly i probably will continue that if i can help it :> #i need to do stuff which i still didnt do this week bc like. i was having a silly time #which good for me!! but like. can u please do stuff atp im just 🧍‍♂️ we kinda have to u know #it feels kinda bad to put it off all the time too #i wont get into the existential crisis of it all yet again we've been over this #but also im so not over it at all. so #action plan and actually execute it girl. please. i will have to ask for letters from some of my instructors so like #i dont wanna be like hahahahahaahha aahhah i kinda didnt do anything in the meantime lol :D #not the greatest motivation btw i know just. anyway #life update kinda but make it weird. lol #🗒

[hecckyeah]

.

#just feeling very. emotional about a swimsuit #this is all about body image etc so if that’s not your cup of tea just scroll along <3 #so #I bought a new swimsuit today and it’s in a larger size than I’ve ever needed bc ya girl is going through some weird stuff #that’s been making me gain weight again #after I lost a ton in 2020 #but anyways #I haven’t needed a new swimsuit in a while so I went conservative/practical and got a one piece #and usually. trying on anything over a women’s XL and realizing it fits #would start me panicking. a lot #but I…..didn’t??? #it’s not the best #it’s kind of cheap and the chesticle area is a bit saggy and it definitely highlights things i didn’t want it to #but my reaction to the mirror wasn’t anything negative #it was just like. oh. okay #that’s a swimsuit and it’s sturdy enough so I can go tubing with my friends and it has spaghetti straps so I can tan #because honestly. who cares??? #I’ve been so perceptive of the way I process how other people look that it spilled over into how I view myself #because if a girl shows up at the beach with belly rolls my first thought is. NOTHING #I don’t think about it #I don’t think hurray I don’t think yuck I just. she exists #and so do i #and I want to be healthy for my own purposes so that I’m not winded by walking a couple miles #so that I can run and enjoy it #not to look skinny #and when I tell you this is REVOLUTIONARY for me #aka it’s only changed in the last 2-3 MONTHS #idk. #I just am happy finally and it’s not gonna be easy but I think I feel better than I ever have about my appearance #call it body neutrality if you will

[fernspirals]

Trying to take care of myself this week.

#meal prepped salmon quinoa roasted sweet potatoes #made raw carrot salad. bought some salad mix #made a huge batch of raspberry leaf nettle tea #I’m getting an abortion tomorrow so :) trying to treat my body really well. #got some stuff to make golden milk …. bought some yarrow supplements #going to gather some herbs from the garden tomorrow to do a yoni steam idk if I’ll be able to tomorrow. maybe the day after #this is hard I’m doing this shit all by myself #I don’t know how to feel #🦷 #I just need to be kind and loving towards myself #everything’s going to be okay …..

[mielgf]

it’s my 21st birthday!! when do i stop feeling 17

#i actually cannot comprehend that i am 21 years of age it feels so fake #the last time my age felt real was 17 and since then i’ve just been 17.1 17.2 17.3 and now 17.4 #went to a used bookstore and looked around for ages then bought myself milk tea it’s been a day #and now i am curled up in bed :) peace is all i feel today #talk time

[beverlydazed]

I wish us a relationship full of good soups, warm blankets and sheets, slow mornings as the morning sun washed out our bedroom wall, long rainy nights, popcorns on the couch, dancing in the kitchen, breathing in the cold, crispy night air while we’re outside staring at the soft light of the stars, two mugs of tea, hands grimed with dirt in our back garden, eyes full of sunshine, warm cuddly hugs, reading poems to each other, lots of knitting yarns, cat cradling in your arms, me coming home with fresh bread in hand, homemade berry jams, doing each other's hair, warm compress towel on your forehead when youre having cold, light that sifted through the trees outside of our kitchen windows and casted a dim shadow on the wall, post it notes on the fridge, long days after work where I massaged your back, mornings where we facing each other as my fingers ruffled through your hair, toothbrush caps on the sink since I forgot to screw it back on, us brushing our teeth at night before going to bed, hands wet with soap suds as I did the dishes, evenings where we both sat outside after you mowed the lawn and we inhale that crisp, zesty smell of the fresh lawn clippings, crumpled groceries list in the back pocket of your jeans, mismatched mugs on the coffee table, soft flaps of the curtain, sunlight that sliced through the blinds. I wish all good things for us. I hope you are doing well.

#mine #dark academia #poetry #poem #literature #relationship #poems #spilled​ink #I wish he would see this and realize how much i love him yet i am too far from being a lovable person #there are days where i am just wary and overthink about things too much and i pretty sure hes upset with me #but i wish..i wish he can hold onto me for a little longer. caressed my cheeks for a little longer #i am so deranged for venting in these tags i hope nobody read this because dhebshzkahskzgkwgskshsjs #ugh im gonna go amd rot in my room now while having a cup of tea and eat bunch of pears i bought for myself the other day #im gonna sleep with lavender oil on my pillow while thinking of him okay :(

[the-busy-ghost]

Bonus of daydreaming about decorating the study when I‘m away from home- I tend to underestimate how much space there is up there, so I can daydream to my heart’s content and everything I want to put in should hopefully fit

Downside of daydreaming when nowhere near the room itself- the stairwell is TINY. A human being can turn round in there and that’s about it, so anything that goes into that upstairs room has to be small enough to fit up that stair or it has to be flatpacked. And the current range of (affordable) self-assembly armchairs on the market are not necessarily the most aesthetically pleasing beasts... 

#Earth & Stone #I'd hoped to even manage to squeeze a fold-down armchair bed in there so I could use it as a spare bedroom if anyone came to stay #But those things are hefty beasts and the ikea flatpack ones are sadly extremely unattractive #The rest of the house is sparsely furnished and that actually suits me (though it must look weird to visitors) #Because I don't need a lot of Stuff and though maximalism is attractive it's also a lot of stress #But that little tower room was half the reason I bought the flat so you can bet I will be making it as aesthetically pleasing as possible #I'm talking secondhand bookshop crossed with Victorian gentleman-antiquarian's study vibes #It also means I can have people in for tea and coffee and still be cosy even though it will be years before the living room gets a sofa #But I don't have enough spare beds for my family at the moment so if they're all over I was hoping that one could have my room #And I could seal myself off in the study #Which is entered by a different door to the front of the house and very cold by nature so I wouldn't put a guest in there #Hence I'm dreaming of the impossible- a flatpack armchair bed that doesn't look extremely modern and basic #I also think if there's one room that will make me feel more at home in the new house it is that one #I can lock myself in and I will be able to wear my headphones to block out my neighbours' noise #Without getting paranoid that someone will be able to sneak up on me #I really am getting quite silly about my security though #I live in perfectly normal house with normal neighbours there is no reason for me to feel this paranoid about safety #I'm fine in my bed thank goodness

[bedroem]

god I hate overconsumption

of Anything!

#I went to a kbbq with my blockmates and i originally planned on getting the cheapest meal #but they already ordered the most expensive unli meat option #and like ughehfhfb ended up eating a lot bc Im not wasting that money #like my fat consumption is so bad rn #and then my parents picked me up and they bought me a boba tea #and idk how to feel about it. obviously I had a really great time and im super glad I went because I was so anxious about not getting close #with my blockmates (first week of uni) #and I'm so glad I was able to talk to them because all week I've been so anxious around them and around people in general because I've #forgotten how to act after two years of online school and I'm so super happy I had a really great time #like really I had such a great time I think God is on my side fr. but thinking ab all the food I ate and all the... Indulgence... it feels #so icky. every time I really enjoy myself I have the urge to abstain from anything remotely indulgent for a long period of time #but. it's probably a small price to pay for the connections and experiences in the future. I need to be more okay with letting myself #let loose once in a while #it just feels weird. like it goes against my identity to /indulge./ almost... sinful. I feel like I have to go to confession and expiate #for enjoying myself too much at an unli kbbq. might be the catholic in me

[gardenhotspot]

wait omg i got paid today too 😳

#garden hotspot #niiiiiice #just showered after putting it off for so long lol. feeling human again. #i bought myself a cute coleus we got in and some tea bc they restocked #going to grab food and my drink and. .idk i think i have energy for tow again

[xekstrin]

One of the most memorable interactions was Saturday. Into our booth strolls a small family, tempted by free samples of freshly brewed tea. We chatter and give them the spiel, that the tea is character merch and we’re a cozy health-based app called Forage Friends.

The young girl zeroes in on our pride pins.

“They have my pin!” She says excitedly. “They have my flag!”

The dad blinks. He is surprised, but also calm and positive when he sees it’s the lesbian flag. “Oh. That’s… different from what you told me.”

“That was months ago, dad.” And she rolls her eyes. Definitely a teenager.

I turn to him and say, “Yeah, dad.” And we share a little laugh about it.

He says, “No, it’s great. That’s amazing, honey. It was just news to me.”

“Well, I guess I just decided to stop lying to myself. About liking guys. Like right now.”

A little lesbian just came out to her dad and he was super cool about it.

I’m standing there in my tie-dye mask and my cheery blue apron pouring tea and making small talk and I’m trying really hard not to cry or compare it to my experience, the fire & brimstone, the disgust, the conditional acceptance as long as I never bring it up.

So as this beautiful bonding is going on, the girl’s even younger brother turns his gaze around. He’s in a snorlax hoodie and bored and wants to go look at the swords across the hall. But on the other side of our booth….

“WHY DO PEOPLE DRAW THAT?” He asks loudly, and we all turn to our neighboring booth.

Our neighbors were extremely lovely people. Every time we had a break we would talk, and we became good friends over the weekend. They kept apologizing that their booth was next to ours and we kept repeating that it was totally fine. Their booth was great. I even bought their merchandise.

The thing that was so contentious, that they felt the need to apologize for, was that they were selling explicit titty hentai stickers of popular characters. They were censored with little yellow R18 labels but the content was very clear.

So back to the family: I freeze and immediately go somewhere else to let dad handle this question. With adult customers I’ve been loud and positive about our neighbors. (“Man, how has it been boothing next to them?” It’s been great! They bring a lot of foot traffic and they’re kind and wonderful professional neighbors. If anything it’s a fun juxtaposition. We believe in artistic freedom. I bought a sticker too!)

But this is a kid, it’s not my place to explain anything…. But I was extremely curious about what this chill dad would say.

“Well,” dad says with a long measured silence between each word. “Sometimes people are horny.”

#IT WAS SO FUNNY #the kid was like GROSS #and dad was like its art :) #maybe one day you will feel that way too son #and he was like NO NEVER GROSS #and the dad was like you know what thats true :) not everyone feels that way #but maybe some day you will and you’ll see it’s totally fine and normal #A+ dad #dad of all time #dad champion #forage friends

[orcelito]

the hilarious thing will be if me being back in school actually Improves my productivity with writing. bc i have so goddamn much free time rn, but what am i doing with it? fucking anime and crochet. i really do need to get my ass in gear for cleaning and also writing this reverse bang fic. but really. im probably going to be able to do more writing once im back in school

How, you may ask?

procrastination is a powerful drug.

#speculation nation #also me having structure and something forcing me to be up and active #im just kinda sedentary. just kinda rotting. idfk. #im certainly not thriving. #theres not enough time to get a job b4 school starts again. wouldnt be worth it either. dont need the money & i dont wanna fuckin work #really i need to be spending this time getting my apartment in order. im just shit at self regulation. #i bought. a white board. for my fridge. and im going to use it. for lists. #im going to try making lists of goals to accomplish each day. and maybe that'll help me. #i also need to get out more. visit the woods. maybe that'd help me with my writer's block. #go to a goddamned bubble tea shop (besides the one i worked at lmfao) as motivation or something #im trying. i am. i'll get there. #i should probably start exercising again. havent been biking much in Months now. that's probably not good for me. #cleaned up a dumbbell to do some arm shit while watching things. idfk. some activity is better than none. #waaaaaaaaaaaaaa i really am just a fuckin lump on a log in my natural state of being. ugh. #doesnt help that the throat bleeding disease kinda fucked me up bad enough that my stamina is... worse than before. #i can probably get it back. but man. i feel like a wasted fucking shell right now. #my general absence from tumblr hasnt been me living life to the fullest. im just too goddamned depressed to post. #nothing interesting going on in my life. and so it goes. #i'll get there. im working on it. im trying to make things better for myself. #exercise and fresh air will do me well... just gotta get some exercise and fresh air...

[myatlantispoets]

This was one of the worst exams i've had in my life so far

#so fucking intense for no reason #i was there for like three hours #got a headache halfway through #and i failed ofc #which i kind of saw coming so it wasn't as disappoinying as it could've been but #still hurts #mostly bcs i could've done better if i'd been less of a trainwreck these past days/weeks #luckily i can retake it on the 21st and my classmates have already offered to help me study #but ig it just feels like thr last straw in a way #bcs i was already not doing well but i kept lying to myself abt it #i need to take a deep breath and try again #i bought a box of calming tea bags with like lavender and other stuff that's supposed to help you sleep #hopefully it's gonna help me take a much needed nap #cuz i haven't had a good night's sleep since...last year. not even joking #the box is also pretty which is nice lol #anyways #send me good vibes pls #personal #venting

[unamused-kookaburra]

I hate when I have a meme in my head that's perfect for what I'm feeling and it takes me ages to find the right words to describe it to google but once i find it it isn't exactly the way I remembered it and it just doesn't convey the same emotion.

Anyway I was really excited to cook tea tonight but it doesn't taste the way I imagined it would and now I'm in a bad mood

#the more i look at the picture the more it fits the image in my head #or i could just be falling victim to that false eyewitness testimony thing where your memory is actually shit and easily altered #but anyway #ive been craving sweet and sour pork lately but its gotten so expensive so i thought id cook it myself even though i hate cooking #but all the recipes are so complex so i just bought sweet and sour sauce in a jar #but the one i found didnt look right so i grabbed another one too just in case #and i cooked the one i had the most faith in but its just not it #it tastes like any other pre made sauce #but im convinced the other one wouldve been perfect #but im going to have to wait a week or so until i feel like having chicken for tea so i can try it #oh yeah i used chicken instead of pork because i was going crazy looking at pork cuts and how to cook them right #and now my chicken is cold because i had to get this out before i could eat it 😠 #this is why i dont cook #personal

[overturetoanadventure]

Wanna go to barre but they only have a 9:30am class today and I feel like I would puke so I’ll save us all that trouble . . . But not necessarily happy about it :-(

#alcohol just really loosens me up #and i feel generally jovial and very chatty #so the version of myself that I wish I was more often while sober lol #plus Alex literally poured me a drink every time he saw that my glass was empty #and he made the drinks so well too #so like how could I say no to tasty drinks #but i guess my body will pay for it twice now #but honestly I’m feeling so much better than I thought I would #and I’ve got leftover spicy tofu jigae #so hell fuckin yeah #and i bought some cucumber kimchi too omg Im so happy just thinking about it #but for now I sip on my mint tea #really am getting tired of waking up only a few hours after I fall asleep tho #dear diary