#so the ending to chapter 22 would be...rough

[builtbybrokenbells]

CAPITAL VICES | WRATH

Wrath: a strong anger and/or hate towards another person.

Masterlist

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!reader

Word Count: 21k (oops)

Warnings: PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS AS THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS VERY HEAVY THEMES—SMUT 18+, unprotected sex, hate sex, rough sex, fingering (f!receiving), masturbation (f!receiving), touch of voyeurism, choking, praise, degradation, dom/sub, sir kink, choking, touch of impact play, name calling, bratty sub, ANGST, very toxic themes, intentional jealousy, jealousy/possessiveness, very descriptive scenes of anger, gaslighting/manipulative behaviour/phrases, fighting, crying, mentions of physical violence, yelling, belittling oneself and others, self destructive behaviour, self-hatred, mentions of abusive relationships, mentions of cheating, mentions of grief/parent loss, mentions of breakups/breakups, depression, anxiety, mentions of addiction/drug use, mentions of blood/bleeding, swearing, drinking, so sorry if i miss any!

here it is, the long awaited chapter. wrath has been a chapter I’ve been looking forward to since the very beginning, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you for helping me get this far. as always, enjoy, be kind, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes (lightly edited) 😘

Heartbreak is such a cruel word, always insinuating that the very thing that breathes life into your body has been shattered and destroyed beyond repair. Heartbreak is violent, it is isolating, and it is gruesome. It is also something you never once believed you would let yourself feel again, and for years, you had done so well adhering to your own rules.

Love in itself is a funny thing; such a powerful emotion that is not only widely felt, but almost always ends in catastrophe. You were not one for love, and you had known that ever since you found yourself sitting in a bleak beige office across from a divorce lawyer at the young age of 22. Before that, when you cried ugly tears over a hospital bed while holding the sick, frail hand of your once mighty father, the notion began to rise in your mind. You could distinctly remember looking across the room, catching sight of your mothers grief-stricken eyes, and even then you could not begin to comprehend falling in love only to lose someone so tragically.

It always seemed like a curse to you, rather than a blessing; you watched too many relationships fail and leave disaster in its wake, too many people never recover from heartbreak greater than this lifetime, and too many people watch their greatest loves succumb to sickness before their very eyes. You could not position yourself in such a powerless situation, nor could you choke down the pain that came after it. The idea of giving yourself completely to another was not something you were keen on, nor ever wanted for yourself, especially after doing it once and receiving nothing but sorrow in return.

A lifetime of loneliness seemed better than decades of pain, because if you were going to suffer, you thought it best to do it on your own accord.

It’s not like you were isolated; perhaps your heart always craved a little more, but never enough for you to throw your morals in the garbage. Company came in all forms, as did fulfillment. You found solace in friends, family and colleagues. Your life was full of love, even if it was not in the way that is most expected of a person. You knew how to feel it, how to appreciate another in a selfless show of emotion, but never in romance. Casual sex was your forte, and it bridged the gap between your fear of committing and the human urge for connection. It was something you did well at, never lingering for too long and cutting things off before becoming too invested. As of recent, you seemed to stray away from that lifestyle, too, as you began to understand that one wrong move left you in a position that was uncomfortable and complicated. You adored your peace, and you loved your personal space, and if that meant keeping everyone else out, you were willing to sacrifice fulfillment on behalf of happiness.

Your friends and family thought you were insane for lacking the desire to settle down and start a family, that you would rather live alone instead of make space for another. They couldn’t understand you, nor could you understand them. You were two sides of the same coin, and it was always best to leave the discussion of love under the table. Your mother had another daughter to give her grandchildren, and even if she did not, you could not take that burden upon yourself just to make her happy. With time, she had grown much more understanding, and you knew that the more the years went on, the more she would be able to comprehend your feelings on the matter.

You were committed to your job, and your lifestyle. You loved drinking at the bar, and you loved to have fun in every aspect of the word. You liked to laugh, to do things that left impactful memories, and you didn’t want anything to get in the way of that. You did a good job of keeping life simple, and you were confident in your ability to maintain your integrity in the process.

Five years of that lifestyle had made you a professional of sorts. Then, Jacob fucking Kiszka walked into your life and ruined the whole damn thing.

With his pretty eyes and his devilishly beautiful face, he had charmed his way into your bed. With his witty humor and compelling aura, he’d managed to convince you to be his friend. With his sweet words and gentle smile, he’d easily become your favorite person in the whole world, and not long after that, you realized that you had fallen for him beyond any doubt. You were in love with him in the most sincere and honest way, and you loved him enough that you could not manage distance yourself from him, even if you so badly wanted to.

But, he was a man, and beyond the surface, they were all the same. It took one night for him to shatter the comfortability the two of you created, and it took one night to destroy the heart that he had a helping hand in repairing.

You wished you could say that at the sight of his lips locked with another woman and his tongue down her throat, you vowed to be the bigger person. You wanted to walk away, to forget he ever existed and move on with your life. You intended to stitch your wounds in silence, and flourish in seclusion. When you stepped back out into the real world, maybe he could catch a glimpse of you and realize all that he’d lost by being so immature. You wanted it so badly, and you did not crave to involve yourself in his childish behavior. When you left the bar the night he found himself wrapped around another girl, you promised yourself that you would never see him again, nor would try to hurt him the same way he hurt you. You wanted to move on, to take the loss and be better for it.

You had quickly come to learn that promising something and following through are two very different things.

The first night, you cried yourself to sleep. When you woke the next day, the pain was still abundant and relentless. You drank a bottle of wine while playing the saddest songs you knew on the piano, but not even that seemed to help. After that, you did all you could to ignore the hurt in your heart, hoping that if you did not submit to it, it would leave you alone. Food sickened you, and no matter where you situated yourself in your home to try and lessen the memory, it only seemed to hurt worse. His presence clung to every surface. It lived in the fabric of your couch, and the soft cotton of your bedsheets. It was sitting at your kitchen table, and even in the shower, too.

Even if you notice something in a room is missing, the memory of the loss ensures that it will remain indefinitely.

By the third day, you had become so angry that you could not even recognize yourself in the mirror. All of the hurt you were holding back was unbearable, bubbling to the surface with a vengeance. It was upset about being ignored and begging to be heard, disguising itself as anger to showcase its unhappiness with your unwillingness to acknowledge it. You were irritable, your patience thin and bordering non-existence. You cancelled your upcoming clients with a promise to reschedule, and you went to the gym excessively in hopes that the ache of your muscles would cover the sound of the ever-increasing pain in your heart.

You knew you were too far gone when one day, instead of walking away in frustration when your fork had fallen to the floor while trying to heat up old takeout remaining in your fridge, with little care, you had thrown the plate in its entirety to the ground, too. You watched as the porcelain shattered and the food scattered across the floor, no horror or regret in your body. Instead, you only felt emptiness at the sight of the mess you’d made. You took a step over it, ignoring it until you had the energy to clean it, and crawled into your bed in a mess of tears.

Thats when it finally started; all of the hurt turned your maturity into childish rage. You were angry with everything, and you were so full of sorrow that it made it difficult to breathe.

Wrath was just around the corner, and you were too far gone to stop it before it started.

An idea blossomed in your mind amidst the chaos, and at first, you denounced it as quickly as it appeared. It was immature, irrational, and would only open the door for even more trouble. But, as you raised a whiskey glass to your lips with a shaking hand in the darkness of your living room on a boring Wednesday night, you could not refute the temptation. You wanted to hurt Jake the same way he hurt you. You wanted to make him suffer just like you did, crying in his brothers arms while he occupied himself with the prettier, more convenient option.

It was a shot in the dark, and it would only work if he felt the same for you as you did for him. In the last few days, you had been seriously debating whether or not he did. He seemed to move on so easily, making you wonder if he was just playing a long game with you or if you’d hurt him bad enough that he knew no other way to cope with his own breaking heart. Then, you remembered his hands on her, and his lips on her, and it sickened you to the core. It made you feel like he really did want the cop out option, or that he wanted someone who was easier and much less broken. He wanted less baggage, less commitment, and with you, he could not have that. You had long passed simplicity, and outgrown casual. He didn’t want you, and you needed to choke down the fact if you ever had a chance at recovery.

But, with the slim chance that he did care for you the same and he was just being immature about his hurt, you knew you had to act if you were ever going to get the justice you so desperately craved. Revenge is a dangerous game, but you had already gambled your life when you offered your heart to him.

After losing so many times, the prospect of winning became all the more appealing. You would gamble your last breath to finally have the upper hand on him.

So on a warm Saturday evening, you found yourself holed up in your bathroom with a curling iron running through your hair. Your lips were painted red to match the skimpy dress that hugged your body, and your eyes were dark with eyeshadow and dramatic eyeliner. You had put on your best perfume, which just so happened to be the one Jake had claimed as his favourite. As you finished up your hair, you sprayed a thin layer of hairspray so it would stay in place. Just as you did so, a knock sounded on your front door. You went to greet your company with a fake smile on your lips and less than genuine enthusiasm. As you opened the door, a nervous flutter in your stomach reminded you that your idea could end catastrophically.

Behind the door was a familiar face, handsome and smiling as his eyes landed on you. But, his beauty was nowhere near Jake’s, and his smile was nice, but not even close to the breathtaking nature of his. A few days prior, you had scrolled through your Facebook friends in search of a suitable candidate to take on a date. When your eyes landed upon a name of a friend you had lost contact with after high school, you thought it would be a great opportunity to catch up while also using him for your ugly ulterior motives. You reached out, and he responded instantly, thus making your work so much less tiresome. Within a day he was flirting, and within two, you had plans for dinner at an expensive restaurant nearby Jake’s apartment complex. He had picked the spot, and the location just happened to relate with your plans.

“Hello, beautiful.”

“Hi,” you continued forcing the smile, hoping that by the time you settled down to eat, the false nature you held in your heart would settle into comfortability. “Come in for a second, I’m just finishing up.” You stepped aside, allowing him entry. His eyes scanned your walls, taking in the decoration, but he didn’t study it for too long before his stare landed back on your chest.

‘Classy.’ You held back an eye roll as you made a mental note of his lack of maturity. Then again, who were you to judge him when you were only going on the date to piss someone else off? He followed as you walked to your bedroom to grab your purse. ‘Perfect.’ You smiled to yourself, your eyes catching the large mirror displayed in front of your bed. You grabbed your purse and looked over at him, noticing that his eyes were still glued on your body.

“A picture before we go?” You asked, nodding towards the mirror. “Wouldn’t want to forget how good we look.”

“Of course.” He agreed, smiling as he took a step towards you.

You grabbed your phone from the bed, pulling up the camera as he positioned himself behind you. His hand landed just above your hip, his fingertips resting near your stomach as his palm cupped around your side. His seemingly expensive watch was displayed perfectly in the frame, making you wonder if he was also using you as a showpiece for his own personal gain. You turned your head towards him, looking upwards at his face. He was considerably taller than you were, so he had to look down to meet your gaze. You gave him a smile, which he returned with little hesitation. You rested your hand just below his and you raised your phone to your chest, centring it between you two and pointing it at the mirror. You snapped a few pictures, looking down at the screen to check if they were sufficient enough to post.

“We look good together,” he noted, his hand still lingering on you.

“We do.” You agreed, biting back a smirk.

‘Don’t get used to it.’ You thought, heaving a little sigh.

“Ready?” He asked. You gave him a nod, slipping on a pair of heels you’d placed by your bed. Without any further conversation, the two of you went to the front door and walked out. You locked it behind you while he started towards his car, opening the passenger door for you. You settled into the seat, noticing the overwhelming scent of cologne still lingering in the air. It was nice, but not nearly as delicious as the one Jake wore so often. You had to stop comparing the two; yes, you were intending to piss Jake off, but you did not want to be stuck in a constant state of wanting him anymore. As much as you were using the boy to make Jake angry, you were also hoping that when the night was through, you would no longer be stuck on him the same way you had been for the last week.

“I’m really glad you agreed to go out with me.” He said, backing out of your driveway and pulling you from your thoughts. “I’m really glad you reached out at all, actually:”

“I am too,” you smiled “it’s going to be really nice to catch up. I haven’t seen you since… well, high school.” You chuckled.

“Yeah,” he nodded, starting the short drive to the restaurant he’d made reservations at. “If I’m being completely honest, I always had a crush on you back then. Guess I was always too scared to say anything.” You tried your best to hold back a grimace at his words. After spending so many months with someone who was all but shy about his feelings, cowardice seemed to turn you off. If Jake were the one sitting in the drivers seat, he already would have told you how badly he wanted to take your clothes off (only after praising your beauty, of course). Now faced with someone who was nearly shaking at the thought of calling you pretty, you missed the blunt nature of his words more than anything.

“Well, I was a bit preoccupied, anyway.” You tried to ease the tension, regretting bringing up your ex the moment the words left your tongue.

“Yeah, that’s true. He was a dick, and I’m glad you got away from him.” He said, turning onto the highway without another word. Your stomach churned at the thought of him, and there was a rush of fear that flooded you. It had been so long since you had associated with someone who knew your ex husband, and you had forgotten how peaceful it was to be around people who did not know he existed. “You look stunning, by the way.” He wanted to change the subject, realizing that talking about your ex while on a date may not have been the best idea.

“Thank you.” You gave a soft smile, looking from him to the phone sitting in your lap. It was time for phase two of your devilish plan. “You look good too.” You said as you picked up your phone. You unlocked the screen, scrolling through the pictures you’d taken moments before and carefully choosing the one where you looked the best. You edited the lighting slightly on your camera app to make it look even better before opening Snapchat. You chose the picture from your camera roll, picking a heart sticker and shrinking it down so it just fit over his face. You hit the ‘post to story’ button, biting down on the inside of your lip as anxiety began to plague you.

Within seconds, the picture was uploaded. Before you even looked away from the screen, you could see that someone had viewed the image. You had your doubts that he’d seen it so quickly, but there was an incessant nagging in the back of your mind to check and see, just in case. You loaded the story, swiping up to see the view list, and sure enough, Jake’s contact was the only name on the page.

‘Let the game begin.’ You thought, unable to hold back the smirk as you locked your phone again.

“So what have you been up to, Scott?” You asked, turning your attention back to the boy behind the wheel. You could feel your phone vibrating against your leg, but you did not care enough to check it just yet.

“I went away for school for a while, then decided to come back home when I finished. My parents had a hard time with me living so far away, and I guess I did, too.”

“That’s sweet.” You smiled, trying not to notice the prickle of sadness that filled your heart when he spoke of his parents. “What are you doing for work?”

“I’m an accountant at my dad’s law firm, now.” You almost forgot he came from money, nodding along as he inadvertently told you all about his generational wealth. You had no idea how it slipped your mind as you were sat in this years newest Audi model, and the Rolex on his wrist was blinding you every time the street lights pooled in through the windows. “I don’t think I need to ask you, though. You’re one of the most popular photographers in the city, now.”

“Some would say that.” You chuckled. “Not sure if I would agree.”

“I would.” He cut you off, not willing to take argument on the fact. “Your work is really good.”

“Thank you.” You felt your cheeks redden at the sentiment. For a moment, you let the guilt get the best of you. You almost asked him to turn around and take you home, needing to confess to your sins and repent for the fact you were only using him for your own benefit. Then, the moment passed as soon as it came. You did not need to tell him and risk hurting his feelings more; you just had to sit through the night and make civil conversation, and maybe share a kiss or two. The thought wasn’t terrible, even if you’d rather be kissing someone else. When you parted ways at the end of the night, you would thank him for the fun. In the morning, you could tell him a half-truth and confess that it wouldn’t work, and you weren’t ready for a commitment like you previously thought.

That would solve it all, right?

You hadn’t thought it all through yet, and you could admit to that. But, you were good at thinking on your feet, and you were certain you would be able to get yourself out of the mess you were making.

“I remember in high school, you would always walk around with that big clunky camera from the yearbook committee. You took pictures of everything, all of the time.” He chuckled. You were only slightly embarrassed at the memory, but you chose not to respond. “I thought it was cute, and I think it’s really cool you’re still doing that. You have to do what makes you happy, right?” He glanced over at you, his dark hair offsetting the paleness of his skin.

He was incredibly attractive, and you could not deny that. His skin was soft, smooth and inviting. A small, slutty part of you wanted to reach out and touch him, but you refused to allow yourself the pleasure. His hair was soft, shaved down on the back of his head and faded perfectly into the longer hair on top. It was black, and looked perfectly silky, tempting you to run your fingers through it. His smile lit up his whole face, the upturn of the corners of his lips (which were soft and pink, the sight alone sending a flutter to your stomach) made dimples appear on his slightly blushed skin and crinkles form by his eyes. His arms underneath the suit jacket seemed strong, and the veiny hands that gripped the steering wheel aided the assumption.

The suit he had on was perfectly tailored to his body, probably with the funds lining his wallet from his fathers law firm. For a second, you forgot why you had asked him out, focused only on his blinding beauty.

Maybe he was exactly what you needed to forget about Jake, and you wondered if should use that to your advantage. His hands seemed like a perfect distraction, and his mouth seemed even better. A single night didn’t seem so bad, and the longer you thought about it, the harder it was to ignore the ache growing between your legs.

But, your anxiety got the best of you yet again. You feared you would end up in an even messier situation than the one you were in already; in love with someone and in bed with another who seemed overly enamoured with you. A love triangle was not what you needed, but it seemed like you had opened the door for it amidst your struggle to feel better. Then, your mind soured when you realized that Jake had likely fallen into bed with the girl from the bar. For all you knew, she might be with him right now, laying in his bed and giggling at his jokes. The thought sickened you, and you looked back at your company for the night.

Whatever happened was meant to happen, you deducted. You would not encourage anything, but who were you to stop it if the opportunity arose?

“You have to do what makes you happy.” You agreed, shooting him your first genuine smile of the night.

What would make you happy, you had no idea.

Surely not by having meaningless sex with a boy you’d seen for the first time in nearly a decade, especially after having such meaningful sex with Jake for so long. You were confused, and you were hurting. Your internal debate was chipping away at your psyche, but you looked too good and you were too committed to the bit to back out now.

When he pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant, relief flooded you as you realized you wouldn’t have to continue on the conversation of happiness and how to find it. Before the two of you made your way inside, you felt your phone vibrating intensely on your lap, signalling an incoming call. You rolled your eyes, glancing down at it just long enough to see Jake’s name on your screen.

You sent the call to voicemail, looking quickly over the text messages that had been filtering in non-stop since you had uploaded the incriminating picture.

😈

Who the fuck is that?

😈

?

That text was immediately followed by a phone call, and when that went unanswered, he tried again.

😈

Answer your fucking phone y/n

It seems as though your plan was working fantastically, and against his better judgement, he had broken the radio silence without a second thought. The next step was simple, but probably the most effective one yet; you clicked on the notification bars, bringing yourself into the chat so the read receipt would show under his last texts. Then, you turned your phone on do not disturb and slipped it in your purse.

Jake hated being ignored, and you knew if he had such a volatile reaction to the picture itself, this would surely send him straight to insanity.

‘Checkmate.’ You thought to yourself, biting back a cocky smirk.

You did not think your plan through nearly enough, and disaster was looming overhead, just out of sight.

“Ready to head in?” You asked, shaking off the nervous jitters in your hands.

“Yeah,” he nodded, opening his car door. Before you could even unbuckle your seatbelt, he had walked to your side of the vehicle and opened your door for you. He extended a hand to you, which you accepted with a smile. He helped you out of the car, and once you were steady on your feet, he slipped an arm around your waist. You tried to ignore the flutter in your belly as he secured his hand to your hip and pulled you closer to him.

The two of you advanced towards the entrance. You stood back while he checked in for the reservation, and within moments, you were being lead to a table on the quieter side of the building. When you sat down, the romance in the room was immediately overwhelming. There was tea light candles lit around the table, and a large centrepiece with flowers and fairy lights sat directly in the middle of the table clothed with a white cloth. Menues were sat in front of you, and the waiter assured you he would be back in a moment to take your drink orders.

“Have you ever been here before?” He asked, looking at you over the top of his menu.

“No, actually.” You shook your head, catching his gaze. Your heart leapt to your throat, finding yourself lost in the dark brown of his irises. Then, your eyes trailed downwards, noticing a flash of toned muscle from underneath his collared shirt. He noticed your reaction, smiling at your intrigue. He had a gold chain clasped around his neck, accentuating the columns of his neck that lead down into his collarbones.

He was stunning, and in another world, you thought you might even pursue him further.

“It’s my first time, too. I’ve heard good things, though.”

“Yeah, apparently it’s the best in town.” You gave a nervous laugh, focused on his hand resting comfortably on the table. You thought it would look much better decorating your thigh.

“What do you want from this, y/n?” He asked, genuine intrigue plaguing him. You tried to swallow your anxiety as you formulated an answer. “You can be honest.”

“When I reached out, I definitely wasn’t expecting anything like this.” You said, truthful in your response. You had hoped, but you definitely did not expect it to go to plan so quickly. “I’m a busy woman, and usually I don’t do this. I was hoping to catch up, but I don’t know how committed I can be to anything serious.”

“I respect that.” He nodded, placing his menu down on the table again. “If I’m being honest, I just went through a pretty rough breakup. I may have jumped a little too quickly.” Your sigh of relief was audible, and quite heavy in the room.

“Me too.” You admitted, the confession weighing on your shoulders. It was the first time you had referred to what you and Jake had as a breakup, but it felt right. What you had was much closer to a relationship than anything else, even if it was not what you wanted to call it. You did not need to divulge into the details of the real reason you agreed to go on a date with him. You felt it would be too harsh.

“So we’re here as friends, and we’ll see how the night goes?” He offered, not seeming too upset about the conclusion. You stared at him for a moment longer, a smirk breaking out on your lips.

“You can say you want sex, Scott. We’re adults, we can be honest.” His cheeks heated at your words, but a smile did form on his face. “I would be lying if I said the thought hadn’t crossed my mind.” He seemed to relax in his seat, now comfortable knowing that he need not worry about impressing you as much.

“Okay,” he chuckled. “A friendly dinner with the intent of sex. No promise of anything more after that.”

“I like that better.” You grinned, also feeling the anxious feeling subside at the agreement. The two of you had drawn a line that both of you were happy with. “So your last girlfriend…?” You asked, treading the topic carefully.

“Yeah,” he laughed, nodding as you asked. “We were together for a while. Three years or so. Couple months ago, I came home and she was gone. All of her shit was packed up and when I called to check on her, went straight to voicemail. Never heard from her again.”

“Oh, wow.” You breathed, your eyes widening slightly. “I’m sorry, honey. People are the worst.” He shrugged, looking to the side as the waiter approached the table again. He ordered a bottle of wine, waiting until he walked away to speak again.

“Shit happens. Sometimes you just have to take it as it comes.” He explained, not feeling any need to go any further into it. “And I’m assuming your boyfriend was no better?”

“No,” you laughed, looking down at your manicured hands. “But I don’t think you could really call him my boyfriend, anyway. More like a guy who only showed up to make my life more complicated. I thought we were exclusive until we got into a fight, which I’ll admit was my fault. We made up when we ran into each other at the bar, then his date for the night showed up.” You gave a tight-lipped smile, the memory causing a bitterness to rise in your chest.

“People are the worst.” He reiterated your point, sending you sympathetic eyes.

“They are indeed.” You agreed.

“So am I on a revenge date?” He asked, picking up on your nervous stare. “It’s okay if I am. Either way, I’m still the one who gets to spend the evening with you.” He flashed you a breathtaking smile, showing his enthusiasm either way.

“When you put it like that, it makes me sound terrible.” You said, your cheeks burning red and incriminating you even further. You were terrible, and you deserved to be treated as such. Asking him on a date to piss someone else off was a horrible thing to do, and you never should have done it in the first place.

“Not if I support it.” He shrugged, thanking the waiter as he dropped off the bottle of wine and two glasses. He poured two for you both, sliding one in your direction. “Like I said, beautiful. I get to have dinner with you either way.” You reached for the glass, taking a long sip. Your red lipstick decorated the rim, claiming the beverage as your own. “Just friends is okay with me if you’d rather do that. I’m just happy to see you after all these years.”

“I’m happy to see you, too. You were always great company back then.”

“I told a joke or two every now and again.” He laughed, remembering his goofy stature and desire to be the class clown. You wished so badly that you could just get over yourself, to move on and enjoy the time you were spending with an old friend. You wanted to be done with Jake and lean across the table to kiss the incredibly attractive man who was smiling over at you, but you felt frozen in place. As nice as it was to be with Scott, and as much as you wished to purge Jake from your life, you could not seem to do it. The thought of kissing someone else nearly made you sick, which also brought you to the horrendous reality that it was so easy for Jake. He was not caught up on you the way you were with him, and you needed to understand that in order to get better.

“Do you remember when you super glued all of Mr. Barksdale’s stuff to his desk?” You giggled, recalling the memory fondly as you searched for a subject to change the conversation up.

“How could I forget? He turned as red as the dress you’re wearing.” He let out another laugh, this one genuine straight from his belly. You could not help but join, finding the sound incredibly infectious. “He was so mad at me, I thought I was going to get expelled.”

“We all did. He hated you.” You grinned, wiping tears from your eyes that formed while amidst the laughing fit.

“Let’s be honest, most of the teachers did. I was a little shit.” He said, leaning back in his chair to calm himself down. Once he recovered, he took a long sip from his own wine. “One time, I took all of the free condoms from the guidance counsellers office and put one on every door handle in the building.”

“Oh god, that was you?!” You exclaimed, causing him to let out another belly-laugh. The happiness floating in the air was real, and you did not need to fake the joy written all over your face. It was the first time in days you had genuinely smiled, and weeks since you’d laughed like you were in that moment. It was freeing, and it helped you realize that there was life after Jake Kiszka, just the same as there was before.

“It was.” He nodded, wiping away his own tears.

“I had to wash my hands every time I opened a door for like a week!” You blamed him, but you knew it was due to the lack of janitors employed at the public schools. “And they never bothered to replace the free condoms, either.”

“You went looking for those a lot?” He teased, still trying to rid himself of the fit of giggles.

“It was way more convenient than buying them!” You plead your case, not really caring about the joke at your expense.

“Right,” he nodded, exhaling a long sigh after gaining his composure. “You see? I’m always down for a little mischief. Plus, if you’re using me to make someone jealous, I kind of take that as a compliment. Means you think I’m cute.”

“I always thought you were cute,” you rolled your eyes. “Funny and rich? How could I not?”

“So shallow,” he let out a disaproving tsk, but he did not seemed bothered by your comment. “I think that being friends would be nice right now. Who knows, maybe in the future, it’ll work out in our favour?” He offered. “If not, I’ll still be happy to have you as a friend again. If I remember correctly, you were a fierce little sidekick to have, and a pretty good wing-woman.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Your voice was shrill, surprised at such a statement.

“Oh, come on!” He rolled his eyes. “You were the first to tell someone off if they deserved it. Remember Alex Kiser, that little asshole on the football team?”

“Of course I do.” You scoffed.

“He seemed pretty intent on making my life hell for years, and then one day when we were in the library, you got up in his face and said everything that you had on your mind. He left crying, and I don’t think he ever bothered me again.” Your cheeks burned at the memory, not realizing that your gall had been so memorable that it stuck with him that long after it happened. “And junior prom! You helped me make the poster to ask Rachel Miller, only after you talked me up for months when you sat with her in History class.” You finished your wine as he spoke, trying to hide the blush on your cheeks. When you sat your glass down, he refilled it for you.

“Okay, okay.” You groaned, hiding your face in your hands to save yourself the extra embarrassment. You hated thinking about your antics in high school.

“What I mean is, you were a great friend back then, and I’d be lucky to have you as a friend, now.” He said, reaching over the table and placing a gentle hand on your arm. You peeked at him through the cracks of your fingers, the blush still lingering on your skin. After a few seconds, his hand trailed up to meet one of yours. He locked a finger around your own and gently pulled your hand away from your face.

“Thank you, Scott.” You mumbled, averting your gaze to the white tablecloth. His eyes were too pretty to keep watching, and you feared that with another few sips of wine, you would end up making an even worse decision for yourself. “Friends would be very nice. I haven’t had many as of late. I think when I left Seth, I cut off everyone. Wanted to start over, and I did.”

“We can do friends, y/n. I’d love to be friends, actually.” He promised, giving your hand a gentle squeeze. “With a little jealousy on the side, of course.”

“Right, how could I forget.” You chuckled.

“Is it the type of revenge that makes him regret everything, or the kind that makes him angry enough to show up here tonight? Cause I can play both parts. I make for a phenomenal actor.”

“Oh yeah? You take up Drama Club in university?” You raised an eyebrow.

“No, but I did have to pretend to be interested in Macroeconomics for three whole months, and I promise you it was not easy.”

“You poor thing.” You smirked, your fake sympathy completely apparent.

“So what is it, sunshine? I’ll put on a good show.”

“Both, I think. I’m not sure what I want yet, or if it’ll even do anything.” You shrugged. “He seemed quite uninterested at the bar that night.”

“Have you checked your phone yet?”

“Not since we came in here.” You admitted, not shy of the fact you had been completely immersed in his company. You pulled it from your purse, turning on the screen to see if he had tried to message you again. Your eyes nearly popped out of your head at the amount of notifications piling on the screen.

“Seems like it’s working.” He smiled. “You think another picture will do him in?”

“I think it might give him a heart attack,” You muttered, letting your eyes wander over the few words you could read from the notifications. He was pissed, and in some strange way, it made you feel good. “Let’s do it.” You said, unlocking the screen and ignoring everything Jake had to say about your night out on the town. You opened your camera again, looking around the table while thinking of the best course of action.

“If you’re looking for a movie-style blowout, I suggest putting the menus in the picture.” He offered.

“You’re a genius.”

“Evil genius,” he corrected, positioning both menus under your hands that were already intertwined. Without moving too much, he moved the wine bottle so it was in clear view of the camera too. “My only stipulation is that we have to go for lunch soon, just so you can tell me how it went.”

“Are you playing wingman, now?” You questioned. He gave a sheepish smile and a shrug of his shoulders.

“I was kind of hoping that you might let me have the pictures too, so maybe I could do the same.” He explained. “Not to get her back, but I know me going on a date with an absolute smokeshow would definitely piss her off.”

“Of course.” You laughed at the universe, finding it perfectly comedic that the two of you would be going through such similar things. Hand in hand, you snapped a few pictures of the sight while ensuring the restaurant name was easily recognizable. You fixed up the image, adjusting the brightness and contrast before opening Instagram and uploading it to your story. Once it posted successfully, you shoved your phone back in your purse.

“Now we wait.” He said, almost excited for what was to come next. He’d loved attention, and he was always ready to be the star of the show.

“What if he hits you?” You said, finally realizing how poorly the night could go.

“I can take it,” he promised, no real fear over a fight. “So what’s he like, anyway? He must be something special to have you so enamoured with him.” A sad smile crossed your lips as you thought of a good answer, unsure of exactly how to word it.

“He is.” You muttered. “I gave up on dating and romance, and when I met him, I still felt that way. But after a while of spending every day together and doing things that I’ve never done with anyone else, it started to feel normal. It was more strange when he wasn’t around. I fell without even realizing it, and I was in way too deep before I could even admit it to myself. He turned my world upside down, and he made me feel things I never thought I would feel again, but he took it away too, and I don’t know how to move on from it. I don’t know what to do, or how to act, or anything.” You sighed, suddenly realizing all of the incriminating things you’d said. You looked up, plagued with guilt for talking about another man so intensely while on a date, but he was only smiling at your words.

“You can’t let that go, y/n.” He said, catching your eye to show his sincerity. “After everything you’ve been through, you deserve the love you always should have been given.”

“Stop,” you waved him off, overwhelmed with the profound statement.

“Does he make you happy?” He asked.

“Yeah,”

“Do you want to make it work?” You had to think about it, but eventually you gave a nod.

“I think I do, but I don’t know how.”

“If he feels the same, you’ll figure it out.” He promised, taking another sip of wine.

“Do you want me to pay for the wine? I feel terrible about how this turned out.” You laughed.

“Of course not,” he scoffed. “I’m having a fantastic time. You can buy lunch when you catch me up on all of the details.”

“Sounds like a deal.” You grinned, happy that he was so understanding. Before you had the chance to speak again, your attention was grabbed by a loud voice booming over the sound of soft classical music and low chatter. It sounded once, and you thought you might be able to ignore it. You couldn’t make out what it was saying, and it did not seem like the disturbance would continue. You took another sip from your wine, finishing off the second glass before you tried to continue the conversation.

As the bottom of the glass touched down on the table, your gaze shifted to the newest excitement in the room. Your stomach dropped and your eyes grew wide. You couldn’t find the words to communicate with Scott, so instead you gave his leg a gentle kick under the table to warn him of the fact that Jake had indeed cracked the code, and was pissed off enough to show up and get the answers he so desperately needed. Before your date could even catch on to what you were trying to tell him, Jake was close enough that his cologne was suffocating you and you could see his chest heaving with anger.

“Get up.” He ordered before he even stopped in front of the table.

“Jake, what the-“

“Get the fuck up, y/n. We’re going home.”

“You can’t just show up and tell me to leave.” You scoffed, still trying to digest the fact that he was in front of you. Part of you thought that the picture might push him too far, but a bigger one believed that he did not care enough about you to let it bother him that much. Now that he was in front of you, clearly dressed to impress you and outshine your date (or, his new-found enemy, rather), you could not seem to grasp the fact that after everything, he still wanted you. He sat up at night thinking about you, wondering if things would ever get better. He tossed and turned, hating that his bed still smelled like your shampoo, and he sat by his phone every minute of the day waiting for you to reach out. He wanted you just as much as you wanted him, but for some reason, it was too surreal for you to accept it.

“I’m not asking.” He made that point abundantly clear.

“Hey, man, I don’t mean-“

“I’m not fucking talking to you, am I?” Jake’s head turned sharply towards Scott, an abundance of anger pooling in his eyes. If Scott cared for his own safety, you hoped that he would heed the warning.

“Fuck off, Jake.” Although you had poked the bear, you were having a hard time finding any sympathetic feelings for his distress. You knew that he might show up, but it did not change your naturally strong personality. You lived to fight with him on every stance he took, and now seemed no different. His harsh approach and cocky tone were pissing you off more by the minute.

‘Who does he think he is? Showing up after days of no contact, demanding I go with him? What a-‘

“I’m not going to say it again,” Jake spoke, cutting your thoughts short. “Get up, go outside, and get in the car.” His dangerously low voice sent a shiver down your spine. “I promise that you do not want me to have to repeat myself.” He caught your eye, the look familiar and more chilling than it ever was before. It made your thighs squeeze together instinctively, the need for friction on your aching core more dire than anything else you were feeling in that moment. You had no fear that he would hurt you, but you knew that once the two of you were alone, punishment would be due. If you survived the horrific aftermath of the fire that was blazing in both of your hearts, of course.

“Maybe she’d cooperate if you weren’t talking to her like a fucking dog.” Scott cut in, finding Jake’s tone too strong for his liking. He was not battling for your affection, but he did not care for the way he was speaking to you. He stood, ready to get between the two of you, but Jake turned on his heels so fast that it made your head spin. Scott was easily a head taller than Jake, but despite the physical difference, Jake was holding all of the power.

“You don’t get to talk to me about her, ever.” He took a step closer, fuming at the thought of your name on his lips. His finger was pointed at him, pushing into his chest further with each word he spoke. For a moment you feared that he might strangle him, realizing the look in his eye was far more dangerous than you’d ever seen before. You stepped towards Jake, placing a delicate hand on his shaking arm. At your touch, he immediately relaxed and lowered his hand.

“Let’s go.” You said, pushing Jake towards the door. After a moment of a staring contest between the two, Jake allowed you to nudge him in the right direction. As you walked behind him, ensuring he wouldn’t turn around, you turned your head back to look at Scott, sending him an apologetic stare. He raised an eyebrow, silently asking if you were okay. You gave a nod alongside a subtle wink, which he returned after he was certain you were okay.

When you managed to get Jake to the front door, the strength in which you were holding his arm increased in an angry fashion. In the parking lot, you felt the need for damage control flee you, and your own pent up rage began to surface. “What the fuck was that about?” You let go of his arm with a little more force than intended, pushing him forward slightly as your hand disconnected from him.

“Who the fuck was that, y/n?” He said, turning around to face you with the same fire burning in his eyes. “And why the hell are you on a date with him?”

“I think you lost all rights to ask me that.” You warned, scowling at his forward questions. “Who I spend time with is none of your business anymore, and neither is my dating life.”

“None of my business?” He hissed, stepping towards you as he spoke. A cloud of wrath was forming around the two of you, locking you in and locking the rest of the world out. There was no escaping it even if you wanted to. “You are my business. If you’re safe, if you’re happy, all of it, whether you like it or not!”

“Oh, yeah, because you’re so concerned whether I’m fucking happy or not!” You exploded, throwing your hands out and landing your palms flat on his chest. In a sudden burst of emotion, you pushed him backwards, causing him to stumble. “It sure meant a whole lot to you when you were practically fucking that ditzy blonde in a booth in my bar!” He was stunned at your words and the strength in which you delivered them. “You don’t get to show up here and ruin my night and then pretend you fucking care, because you don’t and you never have!” You pointed a finger at him, uncaring of the grand show of emotion in the middle of the parking lot. “You apologize and tell me how much I mean to you, you have sex with me in the bathroom because you can’t wait until we get home, and then you make out with someone else in front of me all night!” Your voice cracked with tears, all of the hurt you’d been feeling pouring out at once. “Did you just say all that so you could fuck me? Or so you could leave it on good terms while you left for someone better?”

“Y/n-“ he warned, stepping forward again.

“Shut the fuck up and let me talk!” You begged, tears pooling in your eyes. “Was that all I was to you after all? Sex and somewhere to sleep for the night? Were you just keeping me around so you didn’t have to be alone while you looked for something else? Someone with less baggage, someone who’s easier to deal with than I am?” He reached up, grabbing your wrist tightly in his hand while his eyes warned you to back down.

“Get in the car.” He said, his voice as quiet as a whisper, but as impactful as a punch.

“I don’t want to go home with you, Jake! I just want to know the fucking truth, and then I never have to see you again!” His grip only tightened as you spoke.

“Get in the car, and I will answer your ridiculous fucking questions.” He tried again, keeping his cool because he knew that you were hurting much more than he was. The wine was clouding your mind, making your chest ache more than it ever had, and allowing you to make a fool of yourself in the public parking lot. “We will talk about this once I get you home safe. I’m not letting you get in a cab like this, and I need to know that you’re going to be okay.”

“Stop pretending that you care!” You tried to shake out of his grip, but he was much stronger than you. The longer he continued the act, the worse your heart hurt. You were confused, tipsy, and more than anything, heartbroken. You could not allow yourself to believe that he cared this much, and every time you let yourself second guess your doubt, the picture of him kissing the blonde at the bar plagued your mind.

“I’m not pretending!” He finally reached his limit, yelling back at you with just as much force. “I would never lie to you about that. If you know me at all, you’d know how much you fucking mean to me!” His voice cracked too, but he did better than you at covering it up. “Now get in the car, and then you can yell at me, and you can hit me, and you can scream all you want.” He was not willing to negotiate; his eyes were heavy with anger and his expression was stony. With a huff, you pushed past him, but you did as he asked and you climbed into the passenger seat of his car.

You slammed the door behind you, tossing your purse on the floor as you crossed your arms over your chest quite like a child amidst a temper tantrum. He got in the drivers side, closing his door with the same force as he shoved the keys in the ignition. Within seconds, he was pulling out of the parking spot and began driving down the streets to bring you home. You kept your mouth shut despite wanting to fill the stale air with cruel words and harsh insults. As he drove, you tapped your foot against the ground to pass the seconds until you were home.

You had not thought your plan all the way through; you wanted to hurt him, to piss him off and make him feel all the same ways you did at the bar that night. When talking with Scott, the prospect of making Jake angry enough to show up at the restaurant was intriguing, and definitely thrilling. Once the adrenaline wore off and you were left alone with the rotten feeling that had been steadily growing in your heart, you realized you did not want to see Jake at all. Having him in front of you reminded you of all of the feelings you were trying to bury, and seeing his face only made you fall in love with him even further. You were so angry with him that it made your head spin, but you cared about him so deeply that you were sickened at the thought.

Love itself is a funny thing after all, for not even the devil himself could understand it.

Jake's knuckles were white as he gripped the steering wheel, unable to hide the intensity of his emotions. When you allowed yourself to peek at him from the passenger side, you could not help but feel enamored with his face, even if wrath was wrapping itself around every feature that he had.

It almost drove you crazy, the seriousness etched into his stature. The downturn of his lips, leaving just the ghost of his earlier scowl would be off putting to some others, but you found beauty even in the midst of his pain. The furrow of his eyebrows was minimal, but you were drawn into the tiny wrinkles it left on his tanned skin. His eyes were black with anger, and he was almost unrecognizable.

To anyone untouched by the devil, the man before you would strike fear. To you, submerged and nearly buried underneath the sin, his wrath was like a drug. You could feel it seeping under your skin, igniting every nerve with flames and striking the match for your own. The devil within you fed off of his wicked heart, and his own evil did the same with yours. Between you was empty space, stale air that did not even hold a whisper of relief from the deafening silence. From nothing grew an unholy feeling. There was no room in the vehicle for anything lesser; the euphemisms and illusions you had previously drawn about his lack of morality no longer fit the narrative. Satan himself sat beside you, horns growing rapidly and his skin blistering red. You could not fear him, because when you turned to look out the window, you noticed your reflection and saw the pitchfork in your own hand as your eyes turned black as night.

The sin had finally caught up, and not even a priest could excise the demons from the two of you. Salvation was no longer an option, and the only thing left to do was face the devil within yourselves. The seventh, and the deadliest capital vice was begging to be heard. It was bleeding you both dry, the wrath so abundant that it was replacing all of the blood coursing through your veins with its own ferocious fury. Wrath was sewn into your skin, tying knots around your lips and blinding you with rage. It was wrapped around your neck, choking you and laughing as you begged for air. The two of you had done so much damage that you had turned yourselves into the personification of evil itself.

Walking away was the safest option, but after a lifetime of running, staying was the only thing the two of you wanted to do.

How pitiful to learn the lesson only after it manifested itself to be lethal.

“You’ve got nothing to say, now? Only want to fight with me if we can cause a scene?” He asked, flipping on the turn signal with nearly enough force to break it clean from the car.

“As if you need any help getting attention.” You rolled your eyes, muttering it to yourself. “As if I’m the one who fucking caused the scene in the first place.” You said the second part louder, stronger so he could hear the disdain in your voice.

“Like you weren’t trying to start something by posting those pictures.” He growled, the memory striking him particularly unpleasantly. The thought of another man’s hands on you was enough to drive him to violence. “Sorry, I forgot that I always have to be the bad guy.” He added, his grip tightening even further on the wheel as he turned off the highway.

“Would you fucking quit with the pity party?” You exploded, finally turning towards him. “Do you really think that you’re innocent? From what I understand, exclusivity doesn’t mean very much to you. If it did, you wouldn’t have been finger-fucking your side piece at the bar while I had to sit and watch!” The obscenity of your words didn’t even phase you, your anger so flaming that you were willing to say anything to get under his skin. “Or is it only okay when you do it, Jacob? You can fuck whoever you want, but I have to sit there and stay loyal to someone who doesn’t fuck about me! I’ve done that once before, but you’re not nearly special enough for me to want to do it again!”

“You didn’t stay and let me explain myself! I was only with her because I didn’t know how else to get your attention! You make me fall in love with you, and then you push me away. Then you tell me you care about me, and you walk away!” He brought his hand back, slamming it back down on the wheel with an intensity that made your head spin. “If you weren’t so fucking stubborn, maybe we would have went home together instead!”

At the sound of the guilty confession, your world came crashing down around you.

Your worst fear had been spoken into existence, and you weren’t sure if you could survive the grief plaguing you.

“Yeah, it’s all my fault Jake.” You nodded, attempting to blink away the tears that were falling faster than you could comprehend. “It’s my fault that you broke the only promise I ever asked you to keep, and it’s my fault that I didn’t tell you I loved you after I explicitly told you that I don’t do that, and it’s my fucking fault that instead of being an adult about it and talking about your feelings, you buried your dick in another girl!” You slammed your fist against his dashboard, your emotions piling up so high that a physical release was the only way to calm them down. “It’s all my fault, and I’m just the fucking worst! God forbid you take some accountability for your own stupidity!” Your hand slammed down again with every point you made, the ache spreading up the entirety of your arm. For a moment he feared you might set off the airbag with the strength you were using to hit the dash.

As you retracted your hand from the scene of the crime, he pulled into your driveway. You rubbed your knuckles, soothing the ache in your bones until the car rolled to a stop. As soon as it did, you were unbuckling your seatbelt and opening the door. You grabbed your purse as you stepped outside, slamming the door before he could try to stop you. But, he was fast, and he was not willing to let you lock him out. He shut the car off and was hot on your trail before you even made it to the front steps. You fumbled with your keys as you tried to unlock your door, and when you finally saw the inside of your house, relief flooded you. You stepped inside, moving quickly to try and keep him out, but his hand collided with the door as you tried to shut it in his face.

“Take a fucking hint, asshole.” You spat, pushing against him.

“I’m not done talking!” He argued, barely straining as he rivaled your strength.

“I am!” You cried, begging him to understand. “I’m done talking, I’m done fighting, I’m done, Jake! I can’t fucking do this anymore!”

“I’m not letting you go, y/n.” He said, calmer than he was moments before. “I’m not letting you walk away again. I won’t walk away again.”

“Stop it!” You exploded, dropping your arm from the door in a moment of pure weakness. You were too distracted by the moment to remember your vow to keep him locked out. His words were too much, and it made all of the strength flee you and the pain grow larger. More than anything, it made your already poor judgment cloud even more. “Stop doing that, Jake! Stop hurting me and then telling me you care. Stop trying to be what we both know you aren’t!”

“What, y/n?” He scowled, his jaw clenched so tightly you feared he might pop a blood vessel. “Say it! Say the word! Stop being so fucking afraid of it!”

“You’re not my fucking boyfriend!” You yelled, reaching your breaking point. With that, he pushed the door open and stepped towards you. He reached out, landing one hand on your hip while the other one cupped your cheek. He kicked the door shut with a force as he leaned forward, capturing you in a kiss. The change in pace made you weak in the knees, but his advance was not unwelcome. The anger that was so evident in his features had been causing a mess between your legs since you first laid eyes in him.

The kiss was messy, both of you still fighting for control. He continued walking, keeping a firm grip on your hip so you didn’t lose your balance. You stepped in time with him, letting him lead you wherever he pleased. When your ass landed roughly against the lip of your kitchen counter, your stomach began to twist into knots. He pulled back, his chest heaving with the remnants of anger and now, desire.

“You’re right, angel. I’m not your fucking boyfriend.” He said, his expression completely foreign. It was like a stranger was standing before you, but it was not making you fearful; you were aching to know this version of him, and you wanted to know him as intimately as the situation would allow. He seemed like a man gone mad, all humanity gone from his eye and sex being the only thing that held any value to him.

For once, sex was finally the only thing the two of you were concerned about. No love, no respect, and not even any kind of affection. It was purely primal, and comfort was the last thing he had in mind.

But even more so than that, sex was the only way the two of you knew how to communicate, and he was using it to his advantage.

“I’m not even your friend.” He said, his eyes dark with lust. “I’m just sex to you, yeah?” His fingers were burning into your hip, leaving trails of blistering fire on your skin as they wandered to your thigh, settling just under the hem of your dress. “That’s all I’m good for, right sweetheart?” He moved his hips towards you slightly, but with force, causing your ass to press further into the marble countertop. You let out a gasp of pain, the sting radiating deep into the muscle as the solid surface settled in at a bruising angle.

“Y-yes.” You thought you could keep up the act, but his eyes intently focused on your own were sending you into a downward spiral of love for him. He was the whole world, and you were just living in it. You couldn’t lie enough to cover the fact, even if every word you spoke for the rest of your life was laced with dishonesty.

“I’m just something to help you get off,” he continued, his hand slipping under the fabric of your dress. “To fantasize about when your fingers are playing with that tight little cunt?”

“Yep,” you said, more confidently than the last time.

“Good to know,” he growled, pulling at the fabric of your dress until he heard the seams pop. You were so enthralled in his performance that you could not even find the will to care. “Now I can fuck you like a whore, and I don’t have to feel bad about it.” With that, he gave another hard tug and the stitching on one side of your dress came loose completely. It slumped from your body, falling around his hand in a pathetic heap. He let go of it, letting it fall to the floor without ever breaking eye contact. “If sex is all you want, I’ll fuck you just like you deserve.”

You wanted to fight with him; the anger was still bubbling under your skin and begging to be let out, but now that you were naked in front of him and his eyes showed unwavering dominance, you fell back into the roll with ease. He watched your face, not searching for discomfort, but obedience. This was not a debate, and you did not even pretend to hold any of the power. He slid his belt from the loops on his dress pants, folding it over on itself and gripping it tightly in his hand. Slowly, he placed the leather against your bare thigh, looking down as he slowly pulled it across your skin. The light tickle sent a shiver down your spine and you found yourself staring at his face, wondering what was running through his mind.

Had you pushed him too far?

Was he really stopping the whole conversation just to fuck you?

You were confused, and still incredibly hurt, but the arousal pooling between your legs was undeniable. There was so much that needed to be discussed, but the longer the minutes dragged on, the less you cared about working it out.

He reached out with both hands, his grip holding on your hips. In one swift motion, he lifted you and placed you on the cold countertop. You jumped at the sudden chill that ran through you, but he did not comment, nor did he even seem to notice. With little warning, he snaked his hand between your legs and roughly pulled one to the side. His eyes were still focused on your cunt, his gaze never faltering. He didn’t want to look at your face; he didn’t want to see the contempt you held for him in your eyes, nor did he want to see the pain he caused any longer. He couldn’t look you in the eyes and face you like a man; he was angry, and hurt, but most of all, he could not forgive himself for how much he’d hurt you.

“You want to act like a whore, I’ll treat you like one, angel. Taking guys out on dates just to piss me off, posting pictures and ignoring me when I call…” he brought his hand to your heat, running his fingers through the wetness and spreading it to your clit. “If you wanted me to come over and fuck you, all you had to do was ask.” He said, his tone eerily calm. His middle finger tracing agonizingly slow circles around the sensitive nub, making your want to buck your hips forward into his hand for more. You needed him the same as the starving need food, but you were unwilling to sacrifice your dignity while showing him. “Or did you want to take him home? Have him between your legs like this, trying to make you feel as good as I can?”

You were faced with two options; tell the truth and fuel his ego, or lie and make him even angrier with you.

You were foolish to think that the devil would ever allow for the truth in your godless relationship.

“I did.” You replied, causing him to look up and finally meet your eye. The animalistic look was enough to drive you crazy, but you stayed put, pretending that the emotion in his eye did not phase you at all. “And I know he would’ve done it better than you can.” At that, his fingers stopped all movement. His grip tightened around the leather belt in his hand, tempted to use it, but knowing that it would not change your attitude. Instead, he gave you a smirk, fake but effective.

“You think he can fuck you like I can?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. You held back a frown when he moved his hand away from you, completely cutting off contact. “You think he can make you feel better than I can?”

“Yeah, I do.” Your false confidence was astonishing, and even you believed it yourself for a moment.

“Okay, angel.” He nodded, taking a step back from you. He reached down and grabbed your purse that fell to the floor, opening it and grabbing your phone from inside. He dropped the bag to the ground again and tossed the phone on the counter beside you. Your stomach twisted with anxiety, wondering what he was doing. “If you think he can do a better job, call him. I’ll go home, and he can finish what I started, but I’ll be waiting for you to text me, asking me to come back because he couldn’t fucking do it right.”

You were appalled at the thought, but not because of his cockiness. That was normal now, and not often did it phase you. You were sickened at the thought of having someone else do what you so badly wanted Jake to do. Hours ago, you had convinced yourself that hooking up with another guy would help ease your pain, but now that Jake was in front of you again, you could not stomach the idea of another man touching you the same way.

He watched your face, taking in your shocked expression. He was bluffing; he would not let anyone else touch you like this in a million years, and he definitely would not hand out the invitation himself. His hope was that you realized that he was what you wanted, and not the guy you went to dinner with. He knew you well enough to know that you would never do such a thing, which is why he was confident enough to offer the idea. When you didn’t respond, he let out a low chuckle.

“That’s what I thought.”

Damn him and his ability to see right through you.

“Now shut your fucking mouth and behave yourself.” He said, taking a step back even further. “Since I can’t do it right, you can get yourself off.”

“Jake-“ you protested, unhappy with his decision.

“I don’t want to hear another word. YouI’ll do as you’re told.” He cut you off, giving you a stern warning. His nostrils flared slightly with anger, and the muscles in his jaw were tense. You bit back a snarky comment, clearly upset by his ridiculous request, but you let your hand sink between your legs anyway. He moved back towards the counter opposite of you, leaning against it and crossing his arms over his chest while he watched you run your own fingers through your folds. He still had his belt clenched tightly in his hand, making sure it didn’t stray too far. You knew he was itching for a chance to use it, and you couldn’t deny your own desire to feel it across your skin. You could see the erection growing in his pants, tenting the zipper and straining the fabric. You wanted him more than you ever wanted anything in your life, and sitting there touching yourself while he was so accessible was equal to torture.

Then again, that was his intent; he did not want to please you like he was often eager to do. He was angry with you, and when you anger the devil, punishment is not only expected, but ensured.

“Like this, sir?” You taunted, slowly trailing your middle finger to your clit, tracing slow circles around it. You wanted praise, but he wasn’t generous enough to give it to you. Even more than that, you wanted to push him enough to make him do the job himself, rather than sit and watch. He did not respond, but his eyes were intently focused on your hand as you touched yourself. Beneath the rage still lingering in his gaze, there was a sense of longing for you. He was torturing you, but he was doing the same to himself by having to hold back.

Since the night at the bar, he hadn’t been able to get the thought of you out of his head. Worse yet, he couldn’t forget the feeling of being inside of you, your cunt clenching around him as you dissolved into a mess below him, desperate for an orgasm. Being near you was like getting a fix of a drug he’d been withdrawing from for weeks, and he wasn’t sure if he could handle watching you get yourself off. There was a small fear inside him that he might come undone at the sight of you in pleasure alone.

You anchored your arm on the counter behind you, holding your weight on the single limb as you leaned backwards, allowing him a better view of the show you were putting on. You added more pressure to your finger, feeling your breath hitch in your throat as a wave of relief washed over you. You kept your eyes on his face, only allowing yourself to look at his cock strained in his pants every so often, knowing that it would only make your neediness worse. His gaze was still locked on your hand, and his chest was deeply rising and falling with every breath he took to calm himself. He was irresistible, and you did not know if you could keep going without as much as his hand on you in support.

“Oh, fuck.” You gasped, feeling a pressure begin to build in your belly. It was nothing like how he could make you feel, but it was something, and that’s all that mattered. Progress, even if it was slight, meant that you were a little closer to him taking over for you.

“That’s it, sweetheart.” He unraveled his arms from across his chest, reaching down and adjusting himself in his pants to relieve some of the pressure. “Listening isn’t so hard, is it?”

“Fuck off,” you rolled your eyes, still working your way up to an orgasm.

“Watch it,” he warned, unhappy with your sharp tone. “You’re lucky I’m even letting you get yourself off.”

“Oh you’re so generous.” You scoffed, your hand still working at yourself. The angry banter seemed to be helping your search for a climax. “Jake the hero! He’s just so fantastic and everyone should bow down and kiss his feet! I’m so happy to do all the hard work for you, thank you so much.” You grumbled, trying to keep your words as nice as you could despite wanting to tear a strip off of him. You were still angry, even underneath all of the sexual tension, and you were a bomb waiting to explode. You feared that if he pushed you just a little too far, the night would come to an end without any sexual gratification at all.

“You’re going to start with me again?” He asked, raising an eyebrow as he stepped towards you.

“Can’t take it?” You asked, a bit breathless from the pleasure pulsing through you. Your cheeks were tinged red from the feeling, and from the anger still simmering from earlier. Your skin was sticky with sweat and you were growing more desperate by the second. The sight of your struggle made him smile, knowing how badly you wanted him to reach out and touch you.

Once he was within an arm's reach, he settled himself between your legs again as your fingers remained in a steady pace on your clit. Before you could speak again, he drew his arm back and brought the belt down on your thigh. You let out a hiss of pain, instinctively trying to shy away from him, but his hand shot to your hip to hold you in place. Once you calmed down from the initial shock, you relaxed into his hold, surprised that he hit you as hard as he did.

“One chance, Angel.”

“W-what?” You asked, distracted from the rapidly changing environment.

“Tell me what the fuck your problem is.” He said, looking down his nose at you. In that moment, you could see his humanity return to him again. He cared so much, but he was sick of scaring you away by loving you. This was his only way to get you to tell him what was wrong without you running away. He’d been waiting for the opportunity to come all night, and he wasn’t letting it pass him by. “Get it all out now, ‘cause once you cum, I get my turn.” You were dumbfounded, unsure of how to respond to his request.

“You want me to berate you while I get myself off?” You questioned. “That’s a little fucked up, even for you, no?” Your tone was airy even after you tried to maintain your composure. The pressure in your belly was unbearable, but you slowed your movements to allow yourself some time.

“I want you to get rid of that fucking attitude.” He corrected, grabbing your cheeks between his forefinger and his thumb. “Look at me and tell me what’s wrong. I want to hear all of it, and don’t you dare stop touching yourself.”

“All of it?” You clarified, hoping he was being serious and you weren’t trapping yourself. He gave one curt nod, showing you he meant what he said. You withdrew a long breath, gathering your thoughts before you began. “You’re a selfish, ignorant prick, Jake. You promised me that you wouldn’t fall in love and fuck this up, and then you did it anyway.” You huffed, finding your temper hard to keep up while looking into his eyes. “And when I told you I wasn’t ready, you played the victim and told me I was only good for sex. Why do you think I was scared of dating you, hmm?” You pressed, waiting for him to answer before you continued. When you were met with nothing but a harsh stare, you continued on, anyway. “Because I was fucking terrified of you lying, or believing you when you say all of that stuff just for you to change your fucking mind, and you proved me right!”

“Mhm,” he hummed, allowing you to continue.

“A-and… oh, fuck.” You groaned, your eyes fluttering closed for a moment as an intense wave of pleasure ran through you. “And I went to that bar that night to forget about you, but you showed up, and I cared about you enough to be the bigger person and apologize. I felt like I was taking a step in the right direction, and I was finally able to move past all of that fucking trauma and fear. I felt good, I was happy, and when we left that bathroom I was ready to take the next step.” You confessed, the words weighing heavily on the both of you. Your mind was hazy, and you weren’t sure if you would have said it all if you were in a proper state of mind. “Then I got to meet your date for the night, and it got me thinking that all men really are just the same. I wondered if it was me, if I was too much, or if there was too much baggage, or if I was too complicated for you to handle. I cried to your brother about you while you sat in that booth and made my worst fucking nightmare come true.”

“Keep going.” He encouraged, placing his belt on the counter and moving your hand out of way. It broke your focus, the sudden loss of contact devestating for you. Then, he moved his hand in place of your own, slowly pumping two fingers into you and letting his thumb drift over your clit. A moan broke from your chest, filling the air with desperation amidst the despair.

“S-so I left, and I promised I was done, but I can never just be done with you, can I?” You hissed, squeezing your eyes shut as the feeling in your belly grew stronger. “I decided to get back at you, so I took Scott on a date to try and forget about you. I taunted you with those pictures to make you feel the same way I did, but I worried it wouldn’t work because you don’t care about me the same way I care about you.” He let out a quiet noise, almost sounding astonished that you could believe such a thing, even while he was trying to make you feel good while you berated him. “Then you showed up, and for a second I believed I had it all wrong. You cared enough to be there, to come and find me and try to win me over, but then I was just mad. I’m not your property Jake, and I’m not your problem.” You had to stop, feeling yourself teetering on the edge as you spoke. You waited for a moment, focusing on not cumming so you could say all you needed to feel better.

“You don’t get to pick and choose when you love me, and you don’t get to decide when I’m ready for something. You don’t get to choose when I’m someone you love, or when I’m just good for sex. You don’t get to make me fall for you and then take another girl home with you!” You could feel tears rising in your eyes despite the pull of pleasure from his hand. You were surprised that you could speak so much emotion so clearly while he was working so intently at your cunt, but the emotional turmoil was much more pressing than the sexual tension. “You don’t get to tell me I mean something to you and throw it in the garbage. You don’t get to mean this much to me and also have the power to take it away.” He heard the quiver in your voice, and it nearly shattered his psyche.

“It’s okay, Angel.” He muttered. “You’re okay.” He promised, moving his fingers at a more precise angle. “Cum for me, beautiful.”

“Don’t do that, Jake.” You stopped him, hating how badly you loved hearing the sweet words. It was too much. He was too much. It was all too much for you, and you feared that you were crossing a line you would never be able to come back from.

“Get used to it.” He snapped, leaning forward so his forehead was resting on yours. He couldn’t handle your denial any longer; both of you felt the same way, even if you refused to admit to it. Love was surrounding you completely, and you knew it long before he took your clothes off. The only reason it hurt so bad was because you loved him so much, and if you did not care it would never have mattered. “I’m not going anywhere.” He said, a little softer but still harsh enough to offset the sweetness.

“F-fuck,” you gasped, stuttering over your own profanity. It was exactly what you wanted to hear from someone your entire life, that they were there for good and they wouldn’t leave your side, but somehow when it came from his lips in the way you’d always longed to hear, you could not allow yourself to believe it. The orgasm was right there, and you could no longer hold it back. You were slipping over the edge, and he wasn’t helping. His hold on your face softened, but his fingers were still burning into your skin, leaving a mark for the rest of eternity.

“That’s it,” he crooned, rocking his hips forward into nothing. He was so desperate for relief himself, but he wouldn’t allow it until he was sure you were satisfied. Your hand reached out for his arm, your fingers locking around your bicep as your other arm snaked around his neck, pulling him closer and holding him tightly, ensuring he could not slip away. “Doing so good for me, baby.”

Your muscles tensed and your legs shook with the intensity of the euphoria. No pain existed within your mind anymore; it was filled with thoughts of Jake, and the sweetness of his face and the warmth of his eyes. For once, the thoughts invading your mind had little to do with the sexual desire between you both, and everything to do with the yearning of your heart. The pleasure came from him being close, and the prospect of spending the rest of your life doing the same thing with him and only him.

You were too far gone, and there was no way you could surface from the experience the same as you were before you descended into it.

Love had blossomed, infiltrating every second of your day and every fibre of your being. It was so plentiful that it altered your DNA and changed your entire outlook on life. You were nothing but in love, and the moment was so beautiful that it almost sickened you.

When you came down, your mind was foggy and your eyes were begging to stay closed. You were exhausted, but he was only just getting started. As soon as you relaxed against him, you felt him remove his hand from your cheeks. He unbuttoned his pants, pulling them down along with his boxers just enough to free himself. He grabbed your hips with both hands, pulling you to the edge of the counter with a strength that made your head spin. He hiked your legs around his waist and let the tip of his cock rest on your entrance before going any further.

“I didn’t plan to fuck anything up, y/n.” He said, making sure you were listening. The softness he held seconds before was gone, now. It was his turn to air out his feelings, and he wasn’t going to miss the chance. “Falling for you was the last thing I wanted to do, because I knew it would leave us here. You don’t get to sit here and call me names, because you’re not a fucking saint, either.” With that, he slammed his hips forward, catching you completely off guard. You let out a yelp, his cock hitting your cervix and sending an addictive type of pain through your entire body. “You’re the most stubborn, self-assured, snarky woman I have ever met in my entire life.” He listed, clearly showcasing that your time to talk was over. “I hate it, but it’s so fucking addicting that I can’t stay away.” He growled, pulling your hips forward as he thrusted into you, making the impact all the more intense. “You don’t get to be angry with me for caring about you, because you’ve been doing all of the same things.”

“I get to be mad about whatever I want!” You argued, but he pulled you down on him again, cutting your thoughts off completely. The sound of skin on skin was too much to bear, and suddenly, you felt like he was wearing too much clothing. You reached your hand between the two of you, grabbing a handful of his shirt where the last few buttons were joined together. You gave a hard tug, and the buttons popped free from the threads holding them together. It didn’t even phase him for a second, and all he did was pull back for long enough to shake it from his arms.

“It’s my turn to talk.” He said, bringing his hand to your throat, his fingers locking around your neck like a gruesome decoration. He did not apply any pressure, but kept his grip there as a looming threat. “You broke my fucking heart, too.” At his words, your chest ached with a fervor you had never felt before. Hurting Jake was the last thing you wanted to do, and hearing him say it out loud broke you beyond recognition. “Do you really think that I took her home that night?” He asked, his hips still moving at a brutal pace. “That I even wanted to entertain that any further? That I even wanted to kiss her that night? You really think I would ever touch anyone else like this?”

“I… I don’t know.” You whined, your stomach twisting into knots at the pleasure he was granting you.

“You are the only thing that has ever mattered,” he huffed, looking down at your face, admiring the way your expression was telling him how good he was making you feel. “The only reason I invited her was to get your fucking attention, and I forgot she was even coming after I went to the bathroom with you.” You couldn’t respond, too immersed in the euphoria of being so close to him again. You did not realize how much you missed the feeling of him on your skin until he was touching you. “Then you walked away, like you always do, and I thought that was it. I thought I’d never see you again.” He was struggling to get the words out, but he continued on anyway.

“Then you post those pictures, posing like a fucking whore with some other guy to get under my skin?” He spat, his anger clear in his tone. You had hurt him perhaps even beyond how much he hurt you, and you could finally see it. You weren’t so blinded by your own pain that you could ignore his. You were both so blinded by pain that you had convinced yourselves that you hated each other. “You thought you were going to bring him back here and let him see you like this? That I would let you get away with it, let someone else put their hands on you?” He was growing more intense the longer he spoke, but it was so intoxicating that you did not realize how dangerous it was. “This is all for me, sweetheart. Don’t you ever think otherwise.” The possessive claim made you weak, and could not even voice how blissful the thought of being his forever was. His fingers tightened around your neck, finally beginning to cut off the blood flow to your head. “Did you think that he could even come close to me?”

“No, sir.” You rasped, his hand stopping most of the words, but you still managed to speak them so he knew the truth.

“He could never make you feel this good.” He spat. “Nobody could, Angel. You can lie and say that you don’t love me, but you can’t fucking lie to me about that.” His fingers constricted around your neck again, making your vision go blurry and your head feel light. Your entire body felt like it was floating, but you had no fear.

Just the same as it was the beginning, you knew that death at his hands would be the most pleasant experience of your entire existence.

Without warning, you descended into pleasure once more. You tried to withdraw a breath, but you could not get any air in. Your legs were locked around him, trembling with the intensity of the climax. You tried to reach an arm out to tap him, but you were so strung out in euphoria that you couldn’t summon the strength to do it. When you thought you might slip away into unconsciousness, his fingers loosened around your neck, never willing to push you too far. Even as angry as he was, your safety was the most important thing to him. Instead of the harsh grip he previously held, his fingers massaged against the sensitive skin as you filled your lungs with air. You coughed for a moment, sputtering on the oxygen that you’d been deprived of, and eventually your body relaxed from the stimulation. His hips were still moving, but you were nearly too fucked out to care.

Without any warning, he pulled out of you and slid you from the counter and onto your feet. You were completely at his disposal, but you had no fear that he would mistreat you. You trusted Jake completely, even if you didn’t want to. He spun you around, bending your top half over the counter and grabbing a fistful of your hair. Within seconds, his cock was back inside you and his hips were continuing their earlier page, this time with much more freedom.

“Tell me, sweetheart. I want to hear you say it.” He ordered. You felt a slight stutter in his movements, realizing that he wasn’t far behind you. He was holding on by a thread, and he was desperate to hear your praise, even if he would never admit it.

“Only you can make me feel this good, Jake.” You groaned, so exhausted that the words barely made it past your lips. “Nobody else could ever come close to you.”

“That’s it, baby.” He sighed, reaching around to the front of you and moving his hand between your legs. His fingers settled on your clit, now adding more stimulation to your already tired body. You tensed against him in response, your walls clenching around him and pulling him even further. “God, you’re so fucking tight. Take my cock so well.” Your knees went weak at the sound of his filthy words. “Give me one more, sweet girl. I know you can do it.”

“I can’t.” You shook your head against his hold on your hair. “I can’t do it.” You pleaded with him to see reason, but Jake had never been one to take no for an answer. You knew you could come again, but you feared that your body would not be able to handle it. Even as you doubted it, the pleasure was steadily rising again, begging you to let go and give in to the temptation.

“You can, and you will.” He barked, still feeling some residual anger coursing through him. The movements of his fingers sped, and if possible, became even more precise. Your whole body felt like it was on fire and he did not let up for a second to give you a break. He was pushing you to the brink of insanity, and he didn’t have a single regret about it.

“Fuck, Jake.” You cried, squeezing your eyes shut as an even more intense pleasure took over. You had surpassed any level of care, and you were practically screaming as obscenities fell from your lips, mixed delicately with his name. He coaxed you through the orgasm, muttering praise as he held you steady on your feet.

“That’s my girl.” He groaned, the sinful noises driving him even closer to the edge. Before you came down from the high, you could feel his hips stutter, his previous pace failing him as he descended into his own euphoria. His cock twitched inside of you, and he let out a slur of curses as he spilled his release into you. If it was even possible, the feeling of him filling you sent you into a whole other world of bliss. You tried to catch your breath as your body shook with the last few seconds of your orgasm, but your chest burned and your heartbeat pounded in your ears.

You had never felt like this in your entire life, and although it was fantastic, it was incredibly dangerous. You had finally sold your soul to the devil, and your repentance had only just begun. You feared that a lifetime of suffering would not be enough punishment for the nefarious acts the two of you committed.

“Are you okay, sweetheart?” He breathed, slowly releasing his hold on your hair. You let your cheek gently fall against the countertop, the cool surface calming your burning skin almost immediately.

“Yeah,” you replied, keeping your eyes closed in hopes of regaining some energy again. He pulled out of you, but neither of you rushed to the bathroom to clean up. You could worry about the mess later; there were things more pressing than that, and dealing with the aftermath of your wrath was at the top of the list. When you felt strong enough to open your eyes, you pushed yourself up off the counter, feeling his hands softly running over the marks he’d left on your skin, destined to turn purple as a reminder of your sinful indulgences. You turned to look at him, leaning against the counter to keep yourself upright. He took a long look over your face, seeing the exhaustion written deep in your features. Underneath that, the pain was still lingering.

The two of you hoped that when you faced each other again, the burden of your mistakes would disappear and a new found peace would emerge from the rubble. Now, when you looked at him, it seemed like the pain was permanent and if anything, the suffering only grew stronger. He reached out, cupping your cheek in his hand, but not even the gentleness of his touch could satiate the raging hurt in your heart.

The damage was too plentiful, and you were certain that your relationship would never recover from the evil the two of you had turned to. The sin had caught up to you, and it was breaking you down further the longer you stood before him.

Again, the question remained unanswered; how much sin could you engage in until salvation is no longer an option?

“I’m sorry.” He muttered, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to your forehead. You wished that the feeling would take away all of the bad like it so often did before, but it only made your heart break even further. The longer his lips lingered on your skin, the more it made you want to cry. It wasn’t right, and it never would be. The two of you were disastrous together, and although the connection was undeniable, it was also lethal.

“I am, too.” You said, the quiver in your voice louder than any of the words you spoke. He pulled back, looking down at your face.

“Don’t cry, sweetheart.” He pleaded, unsure if he could handle the sight of you in tears again. “Let’s go get cleaned up, then we can talk.”

“Okay.” You nodded, knowing that the longer you waited to tell him the truth, the worse it would hurt for you both. Still, you let him guide you to the bathroom where the two of you tried (and failed) to wash away the sinful memories of the night.

You stood in front of the mirror, looking at the smudged mess of your makeup and the trails of mascara littlering your cheeks from the crying you had done. You did not recognize the person staring back at you, nor did you want to get to know her. She was empty, chilling when you looked into her eyes for too long. She was not the person you had worked so hard to become, and as you looked over your shoulder at Jake, you knew why.

His love was euphoric, but it was not good for you. It had changed your entire world, but it was not in any way positive. You were a stranger to yourself, and you saw the devil in your eyes, laughing at your own foolish ignorance. The things you had done for his love did not give you what you so badly wanted. Instead, it turned you cruel and vile, your motives twisted and hurting everyone in the crossfire. You wanted him so badly, but you knew you could not have him and maintain your peace at the same time. The two of you cared about each other so much that it was dangerous, and you could not risk everything you had worked so hard to attain.

Even as you came to your senses, you could not help but gaze at his face with a type of longing only felt in fiction. Your heart ached to be his, and your body craved to be in his arms. He was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen, but sometimes the most precious things can hurt you the most. Worse than that, the most beautiful things turn out to be rotten at the core. What you felt for him was so much stronger than anything you’d ever experienced, and in some ways, it was fantastic. What wasn’t fantastic was the things you were willing to do to keep him all to yourself. It was cruel and wicked, and you did not want the evil to take over your entire soul.

Even as you fought the idea, a small part of you knew that you were too far gone to be saved.

His arms reached out for you, landing on your arms as his fingers trailed over the smooth skin. He stepped towards you, placing a kiss on the top of your head as he reached for the pack of makeup wipes on beside the sink. He grabbed two from the package, and turned you to face him. Wordlessly, he wiped away the makeup staining your skin, but he could not work fast enough to rid you of the tears that did not want to stop falling.

You were already grieving him, and he wasn’t even out of sight yet.

You had always been fantastic at ruining a good thing before it ever happened.

“Is that better?” He asked, dabbing away the last bit of mascara on your cheeks. The coolness of the cloth soothed your skin, but it did not make you feel better at all. You weren’t sure that anything would.

“Yeah.” You lied, giving a weak nod against him. He discarded the used wipes in the trash, grabbing your hand and leading you out of the bathroom. He nudged you towards your bedroom, and you followed his guidance without complaint. Once you were in the safety of your room, he grabbed two of his shirts from the drawer of your dresser you had given him for his clothes.

The thought alone pained you, knowing that soon enough, it would go back to an empty compartment that served as a reminder of your own failures. You were not ready for Jake to become a stranger again after knowing him so well.

He tossed a shirt in your direction, which you caught and threw over your head. You would worry about returning his clothes to him another day, knowing that the pain was plentiful enough tonight. He changed into his own, comfier clothes and took a seat on the edge of your bed. He held his hand out to you, beckoning you to come and join him.

“I’m sorry I said all of that stuff.” You said, trying your best to sit away from him on the mattress, but gravity seemed to be pulling you towards him. “You’re not my boyfriend, but you are worth way more than sex. And you’re not selfish, either. If anything, I think that I am.” He was not your boyfriend, but you both desperately wished he was.

“It’s okay, angel.” He assured you, reaching for your hand and intertwining your fingers with his. “I’m sorry, too. You are worth the whole world, and you’ve always meant more to me than sex. I never should have said that, either.” He confessed, wishing that he never said such harsh things about you.

“I’m also sorry that I hurt you. I never wanted to. I thought I was protecting myself, but all I was doing was making things worse. Scott didn’t mean anything, either. He was an old friend from high school, and I only took him on a date to piss you off.” You muttered, looking down at your hand in his.

“She didn’t mean anything, either. I did the same, and I shouldn’t have taken it that far. I was hurt and stupid, and I didn’t know how else to deal with it. I felt like you didn’t want me, so I just wanted to feel like someone did.” His transparency was haunting, especially considering you were going to hurt him all over again. You were prolonging the inevitable, and you were terrible for doing such a thing to him.

“These last few months have been… everything to me.” You confessed, feeling more tears stain your cheeks. “More than I ever thought I would have again. I’ve been so mad at you for breaking your promise, but I think I broke it first. It’s not fair, and I wish that I could deal with my feelings better.”

“It’s okay, sweetheart.” He turned towards you so he could see you better. “We can figure it out together.” He promised, but the look in your eye made him regret the sentiment immediately. He knew what was coming just as well as you did, but he so desperately hoped that he was wrong.

“No, we can’t, Jake.” You whispered, holding back a sob begging to break free. “All we know how to do is hurt each other.”

“That’s not true, angel. Come on.” He pleaded, hoping that you would at least be willing to hear him out.

“Look at us,” you replied, begging him to see reason “we’ve been avoiding falling in love so much that we’ve gotten comfortable with hurting each other instead. I thought that after we talked it out, or after sex we might feel closer and all of that pain would start to go away, but it’s not. It’s still here, and it’s telling me that you and I need more than what we can give each other. The games and the avoidance and the fear… It’s not getting us anywhere.” You bit down on your lip, stopping it from quivering from the strength of your emotion.

“We can make it work. If we try, we can do anything, y/n. I would do anything for you.” He said, pained at the thought of leaving you again.

“When I said I don’t fall in love, I said it for a reason. It’s not because of you, and if I’m being honest, you are the easiest person in the world to fall in love with. It’s because I’m not good at it Jake, and I’m not good for you. I’m going to hurt you more than I can ever give you anything good. I’ve got too much history, too many problems… you don’t deserve that. You deserve the world, and I can’t give that to you. I can’t be selfish anymore. I can’t do that to you.” He reached up, wiping your tears away while he tried to process your words.

“Y/n, you are the world. I don’t want to try with anyone else, because a million bad days with you are worth way more than one good one with someone else.” The sweetness was killing you, and you had to stop him before he took it any further. You were always weak to his power, and this time, you were even more susceptible to it.

“I want that too, Jake, but I can’t.” You stressed the same point. He sat for a moment, drowning in the sorrow but unwilling to push you any further.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” He asked, voice so quiet it barely broke through the air.

“No,” you shook your head. “I don’t want it, but it’s for the best.” You closed your eyes, wishing you could feel differently about it. You wanted him so badly, and you wanted to make space in your home for him to be there, too, but you couldn’t. You were too afraid, and your fear had always paralyzed you. It was your biggest weakness, only second to Jake, now.

“Okay.” He said, holding back his own tears. It was killing him, but even if he did not agree, your comfort came first.

“I don’t want to lose you.” You said, making sure he knew that you still wanted him around. A selfish being could not fully rid themselves of the burden, and selfishness was all you knew when it came to him. “We’re just getting good at being friends, and I would really like to keep it that way.” You were lying; friends was equal to torture when all you wanted was to love him.

“I can do friends, angel.” He promised, but it was empty. He did not know if he could do it, but he was willing to try. Having you as a friend was better than not having you at all. “Can we just… Can we wait? I’m willing to try, but not yet. I just want to be with you right now.”

“Okay,” you breathed, nodding in agreement. You didn’t want him to leave yet, either, and you were willing to take as much as you could get, even if you were loving him on borrowed time.

The two of you fell back into the mattress, and he wasted little time pulling you into his arms. What normally would be a joyous moment now seemed bleak, drenched in despair. He didn’t want to leave, and you did not want him to have to repair damage that someone else had done. You were too hurt to be loved, and he loved you too much to see your hurt. The sin was plentiful, and this time, it had destroyed the two of you down to the core. You had done so much damage and repair was not an option, and you hated the fact that the universe did not want to allow the two of you to be together. In another life, the two of you would love each other more intensely than the world had ever seen.

Wrath had shattered the last bit of humanity the two of you held within your hearts. It was in his jealousy, and your revenge. It lived in your hurtful words and harsh truths, but most of all, it was plentiful in your own self-reflection. You had never hated yourself more than you did in that moment. You were angry with yourself for being so broken, and angry that you could not put your fear aside and let yourself love him. Most of all, you were angry that you were letting him walk away when all you wanted was to be held by him for the rest of your life. At the same time, he was furious with himself for ever hurting you at all and making you think that he would not do all he could to show you what you meant to him. He was angry for allowing you to let him leave, and angry that he was not strong enough to force you to let him stay.

Fury was the most abundant emotion in the room, followed closely by sadness. Above your heads, the seven deadly sins conjoined to force the two of you away from each other indefinitely. You had sinned too much to ever reap any rewards, and your wicked warpaths led you straight to your own demise.

Lust had driven you too him, and gluttonous you had become. Greed was not far behind it, but sloth ensured that you would never see the truth your hearts were trying to speak. Pride had stopped you from seeing him as he was, and pride had forced his hand in cruelty. Envy left you broken, and wrath had lead you to revenge. Now, you were cradled in the devils arms and awaiting your fate; god could no longer look at you and lead you down the right path, and your own salvation was out of your hands.

You prayed that the devil might see mercy and go easy on you as you tried to rebuild yourself from the evil mess you had become.

The hours passed and you stayed tangled in his limbs, with his hands in your hair and soft kisses placed on your skin. You felt better than you ever had, and you knew that nobody else in the world would ever love you the same as Jake would. You fought exhaustion, forcing your eyes to stay open so you did not miss a single second of his company. You laughed at each others jokes and shared sweet sentiments, recounting the months of happiness you had brought to each others lives. It was a dream come true, but dreams must always come to an end. When the sun began to peek through the darkness, you knew your time together had come to pass.

When he stood, your bed felt emptier than it ever had. There was a divot in the mattress from where he laid moments before, reminding you of all you were losing as he walked out the door. You stood with him, holding on to every last second that you could.

“So this is it?” He asked, wondering if you would change your mind.

“I guess so.” You replied, feeling your voice begin to shake with sadness again. If it was the right thing to do, why did it hurt so bad to do it?

“Friends?” He asked, clenching his jaw in hopes of holding back his own emotions.

“Wait,” you shook your head, stepping forward and wrapping your arms around him. He wasted no time doing the same, holding you with all of the love he could muster in his heart. Your head settled in the crook of his neck and his chin rested on the top of your head. The two of you sat for a moment, immersed in the comfort of each other's company. Before you let go, you leaned up and placed a kiss on his lips. It was sweet, drawn out, and telling of everything you did not have the strength to say. When you pulled away, you could see tears shining in his eyes from the early light of the sun. “Okay.” You breathed, in trance as his eyes burned into yours. “Friends.” His lips upturned into a smile, but it appeared more like a grimace.

“You were right from the beginning, angel. I never should have doubted you.” He said, his voice weak as he blinked away tears. If he had listened, he would have spared you both the pain.

“I’m so glad you did.” You said, making sure he knew you didn’t regret it. If he had listened, you never would have had the chance to know him at all. He placed a small kiss on your forehead, and with one last look over your face, took a step back.

“I’ll see you soon?” He asked, hopeful that you really did want to remain friends. He could not imagine how sorrowful life would be if he never saw you again.

“You know where to find me.” You left the invitation open, hoping that he would come back. You couldn’t understand the feelings flooding your chest. They were so powerful and abundant that it made it difficult to breathe.

“I do.” He nodded, stepping out of your bedroom to retrieve his shirt from the kitchen. “I’ll uh... I’ll buy you a new dress.” He chuckled, looking to the torn fabric on the floor.

“Don’t worry about it. It was worth it.” You gave him a weak smile.

“Alright.” He nodded, grabbing his shirt. “Goodbye, beautiful.” You wanted to say something back, but you were frozen. Dread filled you, leaving no room for anything else.

Why did you want him to stay?

Why did you want him to try and change your mind?

Why, if this was the best for both of you, did it feel like the world was ending?

The idea of him walking through the door was killing you, but you did not have enough courage to tell him to come back to bed despite wanting it more than anything else. You needed him to stay, to love you until you forgot about all the hurt that was plaguing you. You needed him, but you could not allow yourself to have it. Instead, you took in a shaky breath and nodded your head.

“Goodbye, baby.” You struggled to speak, your throat feeling like it was closing around the word and forcing it back down. You watched in horror as he walked to the door, opening it as he slipped his shoes on. He blew you a kiss, lingering for a moment too long. When you didn’t speak again, he stepped outside and the door gently fell shut behind him.

The grief hit you with such a force that you feared you would fall to your knees in anguish. You wanted to run after him, to tell him that you were wrong and the only thing you wanted to be good at was loving him, but you were frozen. You heard his car back out of your driveway, and you knew that it was over; you had to suffer the consequences of your own sinful desires and learn how to move forward despite them. It was the right thing to do, and you had to persevere through the pain to understand that you had done the best thing for the two of you.

But still, upon telling yourself that over and over again, you still did not believe it. Now that your house screamed with emptiness upon his departure, you felt like you had made the worst mistake of your life.

Perhaps the devil was not punishing you for your sinful endeavours, but rather the sin was standing in the way of seeing the truth once again.

With your head in your hands and your heart lying broken in the pit of your stomach, the heaviest realization thus far washed over you. You were wrong about him, and you were wrong about leaving him. Jake was not the enemy, nor was he the thing making your life harder; you were your own worst enemy, and all you had done since falling in love was stand in the way of your own happiness. You wondered if the Lord would ever forgive you and bring him back, or if you would have to suffer the punishment and spend every lifetime searching for him in everyone you met.

Hope was and had always been a feeble idea, and you had little desire to believe that life would work itself out again after making so many deals with the devil. Instead of running after him, you turned to your bedroom to hide away under the covers and begin your repentance that would take a lifetime to complete.

TAGLIST: @sacredjake @profitofthedune @thewritingbeforesunrise @sacredthethreadgvf @klarxtr @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @freefallthoughts @jaketlove @clairesjointshurt @ageofbajabule @dannys-dream @earthgrlsreasy @starshine-gvf @brujamagik @gvfmarge @ignite-my-fire @twistedmelodies @gretavangroupie @alwaysonthemend @edgingthedarkness @gvfpal @sinarainbows @writingcold @starcatcher-jake @literal-dead-leaf @takenbythemadness @gretasfallingsky @hsfallingsky @freyjalw @itsafullmoon @lyndz2names @blacksoul-27 @i-love-gvf @vikingsisthenewsexy @mp0801 @mindastreamofcolours @indigogvf @sparrowofthedawnsworld @jordie-gvf @cassy-face @highway-tuna @creadliz98 @dancingcarbon @do-it-jakey-baby @lallisonl

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[naughtyneganjdm]

A Compromise - Chapter 22

Summary: It's been months since Y/N asked Negan for a divorce and the plans she had set up in trying to earn back Negan's love have not followed through like she planned.

Characters: Negan, the reader (OC), Negan Junior, etc.

Warnings: Swearing, angst, smut, rough sex, etc.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27834154/chapters/134943454

Notes: This is the final chapter of this story. Thanks for those that stuck around and took the time to read. I'm sorry there were so many breaks in between. Thanks again for anyone who supported my while writing this story!

Planning things out didn’t always work well. That was pretty obvious over the last few years with Y/N and the life decisions that she had made. A lot of planning just led to her ultimate downfall in the end and she regretted every minute of it. But when she asked Negan for a divorce a few months ago, she had a plan. A plan to start over. In her mind, she thought that she would be able to get Negan to sign those divorce papers and she could earn her way back into being in Negan’s life. But since that night, they hadn’t even talked.

When Negan left as upset as he did, she took the hint that maybe that was his final breaking point. Although she promised to work her way back into his life, she was worried that she made a huge mistake that night. So even though she planned one thing, it didn’t matter. Because it didn’t work out either. The night before she demanded him to sign the divorce papers was a beautiful night between the two of them that she ruined. Everything could have just been fixed that night if she listened to Negan and everything that he said, but she had to do what she was good at and ruin everything good that she had going for her. Everything she had done lately was one mistake after another.

The only good thing that had happened over the last few months was that she was making good progress with her children again. With her old job accepting her back with less hours, it gave her the time to really connect with Negan Junior, Isabella and Avery again. Which is what she should have been doing all along. That was the only good thing she felt like she was doing again and she wouldn’t give that time up for the world. Her children had become her number one priority again and that’s where they should have always been.

It just got harder the longer that time went because it felt like she was separating herself further and further from Negan. At this point, she thought they would be working on things together, that’s what she promised at least. Yet, she was at a standstill with him and had done nothing to fix what she had done before.

Today was especially hard for her. Waking up felt incredibly lonely because it was their anniversary. Since that day Negan signed the papers, the loneliness only grew further inside of her. Waking up was hard. Looking to the other side of the bed and not seeing Negan there just ate away inside of her. Knowing that today was their anniversary and she wasn’t with him? Well that just made everything worse.

Right now she was sitting in the bleachers while Negan Junior was training for baseball which left her a long time to think to herself. There was no questioning that when she did what she had done in asking Negan to sign the papers that she had broken him. With his lack of contact to her, she just assumed he was done so she left him alone. When she picked up Negan Junior earlier in the day, she had seen that Negan was talking with a woman she had never seen before outside. Instead of giving Y/N any attention, Negan had been distracted with this other woman and it had been lingering on her mind since she had left their old home.

Adjusting her positioning on the bench that she was on, she dug her hand into her pocket to pull her cell phone out. Swiping her finger in over the front of it, she cleared her throat and thought about Negan. Opening up her texts she had with Negan, she considered writing him. Having the idea that Negan might have found love with someone else was there deep inside of her. Sure, it was really fast, but Negan was a good catch. She wouldn’t have blamed someone for swooping in and snatching Negan if they could.

There was one problem with all of that though. Even though she had gotten Negan to sign those divorce papers, she never actually filed them. So the court actually dismissed their divorce case. It was something she never told Negan, but after that day she didn’t have the power inside of her to actually divorce Negan. Any time she considered it, she just couldn’t imagine finally having that official title of being divorced from the love of her life. Even if she had made so many mistakes in her time. After everything they had been through, she just didn’t have the strength to do it. So even if they were separated, legally, they were still married and today was their anniversary.

Shakily her fingers hovered over the screen while she thought of something to write Negan. Everything she wrote, she found herself erasing. All the things that she typed up just felt emotionless and dumb. How could she sum up all of her emotions in just one text? No way could she express how sorry she was just in a text. Especially after all the mistakes that she made. It was likely that after everything that she had put him through, that Negan wouldn’t even forgive her in the first place. And she would understand it too. The last time she saw him, he left both heartbroken and angry. With him not contacting her, she just felt like he no longer had the energy to put up with her and he had given up on their relationship.

What she had done that night with getting Negan to sign those papers was her guilt talking. He had forgiven her. Everything was perfect. That night was the perfect opportunity to start over again, but she let it slip through her fingers. The children forgave her, Negan forgave her, yet that deafening repetition that she wasn’t good enough replayed in her head. Earning back Negan’s love seemed like the only way to get back with him, but after that night she just didn’t think she deserved it. And it left her all alone. Without Negan.

Instead of sending a text, she opened up the gallery on her cell phone. Swiping back through the photos she had saved on it, she stopped on the photos of her wedding to Negan. It brought a warmth in her body thinking back to them. Where the hell did she go wrong? She had the perfect life and she let it all go down the drain because of some ridiculous voice that was in the back of her head that her father had put there growing up.

With three children, a beautiful home, a good job and an amazing husband she should have been happy. Looking back on things, she wished she would have been more observant to just how good her life actually was. With Negan and the children, she had the life that people could only wish for. A husband that supported her. Three beautiful, perfect children yet she was miserable and there was no reason for it.

Words couldn’t describe the sadness she was feeling right now. Everything hurt. And there was only one thing that could really fill that empty, hollow sensation she had. Negan.

Opening the texts again, she thought long and hard about what she could say to start a conversation back up with Negan. It led to one sentence that she really was feeling.

I miss you.

But why was it so hard to send the text? It was honest. And more than anything she meant it.

“Hey mom,” Negan Junior’s voice startled her, causing her to jump and drop her phone into her lap. Brushing her hair back, she saw the smirk that her son gave her when he saw her response to him walking up to her. While he was amused, he also wanted to make sure that she was okay because he stepped forward to place his hand in over her shoulder in a supportive squeeze. “You okay?”   

“Of course,” she gave him a nod and he flashed her a smile very similar to Negan’s with his dimples prominent. Closing up her phone, she left the text unsent when she pushed her phone back into her pocket. Getting up, she wrapped her arms around Negan Junior and felt his arms squeezing tightly to her. “I’m great. And I’m great because I’m here with you NJ.”

“Smooth,” NJ teased her with a wink, tipping his head back to stare out at her with his long eyelashes fluttering. With the way that he was looking at her, she knew that he was trying to determine if she was okay. “What’s going on mom?”

“Nothing,” she hushed him, reaching up to brush her fingers through his hair. That was a lie, but with her son and the time they were having together? She didn’t want him to think that she wasn’t happy being with him because she was. “Did you have fun?”

“Of course I did,” NJ looked back over his shoulder at where he was training earlier knowing that his mother was trying to change the subject. Releasing her from his hug, he set his bag down on one of the benches and released a loud sigh. “But you know that. Baseball makes me happy. What I really would like to talk about though is you.”

“I’m perfectly fine,” she assured him once more drawing him to roll his eyes and lower down onto the bench that was before her. Sitting back down, she locked eyes with her son and shrugged. “I’m being serious here NJ. I’m with you and I’m happy to be here today. Every day with you is a blessing.”

“I know you’re happy to be here with me, but I’m not stupid. I’m not a baby anymore, I can read your eyes even when you try to hide things from me,” NJ reminded her with a frown, his dimples showing the displeasure of her not being honest with him. “I want you to be open with me about things mom. Talk to me. I’m old enough to listen to you.”

“I don’t want to put things on you honey. We’ve just started fixing things and…” her words came to a halt when NJ reached out to grab a tight hold of her hands. Looking down, she felt a lump developing in her throat thinking about how things were for them before this. Bringing one of his hands up, she placed a kiss over the back of his hand and he smiled up at her. “I don’t want you to think I don’t love being with you Negan Junior. You have no idea how much these moments mean to me.”

“I do,” he whispered, wiggling her arms a bit with the way he was being silly in his movements trying to lift her spirits. “Because they mean just as much to me. This is all I ever wanted. To spend time with you and to know that you were there. Proud of me.”

“I am so proud of you baby,” she nodded her head, squeezing her fingers tighter around his. “When I think of how I was…”

“Don’t. Don’t let that eat away at you mom,” he cut her off, his eyebrows furrowing when he saw the sadness that was flooding her features. “We can’t go back. We can only go forward and I’m happy. I can see you are trying and…my mom is back. That’s what matters. Spending time together and being happy again.”

“I just need you to know that I love you so much and I’m so thankful for the chance you’ve given me,” she maintained with her eyes tearing over. There was a burning in them, but she was doing her best to not cry in front of her son. Heaven only knew how many times she had cried about this before. “I cherish this time with you so much.”

Leaning forward, he curled his right arm around her and carefully led her to him so they could share a loving hug that lingered. Right now? She really needed that. Closing her eyes, she buried her nose in against the side of his neck and appreciated being able to share such a special moment with her son.

“I was thinking about your father,” she was honest with NJ since he had been pushing her to open up to him. Parting her lips, she thought of elaborating but realized it would be inappropriate to really go into further details.

“What about him?” NJ wondered, his features twisting with confusion when the color drained from her face. “Mom?”

“How I miss him,” she answered, the dampness returning to her eyes when the thought of Negan entered her mind. Shrugging her shoulders, she felt a trembling breath escape her lips and she didn’t know what else to say. “I just really miss him.”

“I see,” NJ bit down on his bottom lip, his fingers loosening in her grasp but still remained holding onto her hand. Silence surrounded them and it looked like NJ was debating saying something, but he was worried how it would come off. “I don’t want to sound rude or mean, but if that’s how you feel…then why did you do what you did? You could have been home with us, but instead you are all alone.”

Hearing that hurt, but it was true. And the reason he knew that? She told him the truth. After everything happened with Negan, Y/N was honest with the children. Never wanting Negan to be blamed for things. Especially with her trying to change and become a better mother again. So NJ wasn’t wrong.

“I made a mistake,” she was open with him, avoiding actually lying to NJ or keeping things from him. The expression over NJ’s features showed that he was surprised with her response. “I was so upset with myself that I didn’t think I deserved your father’s forgiveness. Because of that? I forced him to sign the divorce papers. I thought that I could earn back his love and trust.”

Stopping, she realized that she didn’t even attempt things at this point and she hated herself for it, “I guess I kind of dropped the ball on that one. Huh?”

“Just a thought, but…” NJ began waving his hand about in the air drawing her attention back to him. “Maybe he’s waiting for you to make the first step? You broke his heart, so he could be waiting for you to prove yourself to him.”

“I don’t know NJ,” she was uneasy with going further with the discussion since things had been tense between her and Negan. “I wish that was the case, but I don’t think that’s what he really wants between us.”

“How do you know that if you don’t try?” NJ scoffed, his face twisting in frustration with how fast she shut down his suggestion. Nodding toward her hand had her lowering her stare. “You are wearing your rings still so obviously you want to be with dad.”

“Yeah, well,” she took a moment to think about how she had put them back on almost immediately after everything that happened that night. “It just felt wrong without them being there.”

“I see,” NJ took his time to think about everything she was saying. Swallowing down hard, he shifted back and pulled his hand from hers. “You aren’t happy, are you?”

“I am very happy,” she countered and it made him grunt with how quick she was to respond to the question. “I am NJ. Nothing makes me happier than when I get to spend time with you and your sisters.”

“You know that’s not what I’m asking you,” NJ pointed out, his jaw clenching when he curled his fingers around the bench that he was sitting on. “Listen mom, I know you are happy about this whole second chance thing and think I’m going to be upset that you are sad, but I’m not. I’d do anything for you mom. Which means I’d like to hear you out and be there for you when you are sad.”

“You are so sweet,” she reached out to caress over the side of NJ’s face. Leaning into her touch, his eyes closed tightly and he sighed. “Everything I’m going through with your father is my own fault NJ. If I wasn’t the way that I was, things wouldn’t be like this.”

“Then why aren’t you doing anything to fix it?” NJ pressed shaking his head when he thought about the things that she was saying. “What’s holding you back from trying to talk to dad? At least try to be friends again?”

“I’m a wimp,” she didn’t know how to answer, but it was the only thing she could sum up. “I’m scared. Scared of what I’m capable of and what his response to things might be.”

“I love you so much mom, but that doesn’t make sense,” NJ bickered back with her, reaching out to place his hand in over hers on top of her knee. “You have been working really hard with me and the girls. I see that you are putting the work in with us. So why are you so afraid of giving yourself a second chance with dad?”

“Because I have so much to make up for,” she explained, a sense of sadness and sorrow flooding her eyes. “I hope one day I can make up for all the things that I’ve done, but I don’t even know if I’d be deserving of that. I’m doing the best I can do with you kids because you are the ones that I love the most in this world. I’ve missed out on so much with you and the girls. I’m doing my best and I’m where I’m meant to be with you, Isabella and Avery.”

“I agree,” NJ sighed and shook his head again. “But you love dad. You shouldn’t be scared to try to have dad back in your life in some fashion. Even if it’s as only friends. Something has to push you in order for you to start talking to him again.”

“I’m just scared,” she repeated hating to admit it, but it was true.

“You shouldn’t be though. You’ve proved with us that you are true to your word with wanting to be better,” NJ tried to continue to bat for her and bring her self esteem up about things. “You know, things are never going to get better if you don’t start forgiving yourself first mom.”

A loud exhale escaped her lips, her eyes locking with his when that hit her deep down.

“How can I do that?” she wondered with an emotional breath falling from her throat. “How can I forgive myself for all the pain that I caused you and your father? I was a terrible person NJ. I did awful things and I hurt the most important people in my life.”

“You’re not a terrible person mom. You just got lost,” NJ suggested something that she had heard Negan say in the past and it made her smile. That was the one thing about Negan Junior, he sure as hell did sound like his dad in certain moments. “You had a midlife crisis.”

Bursting out in laughter even through her tears had NJ smiling and he shrugged his shoulders, “Yeah. You know what? You’re not wrong. I always used to roll my eyes at that statement, but you’re not wrong. I had a midlife crisis. A little early.”

“Right? Plus, I hate to admit it, but grandpa is kind of an asshole,” NJ noted with a frown. Another laugh fell from her throat and she nodded once more. “I’m just saying mom. Grandma is nice and we love her, but grandpa is something else. We all know the kind of pull that he had on you growing up and even now.”

“I was wrong to let him back into my life,” she agreed with her son knowing that her father was nothing but toxic for as long as she could remember. “I just thought he would want to be in your lives and instead I let him get inside of my head again. And I messed up. I messed up so bad.”

“But you’re trying,” NJ restated again trying to get her to admit that she was attempting to be better. “You’re doing your best, even if it feels like you aren’t moving fast enough. You’re taking those steps and you are doing them right. You’re not falling back to your old ways. You’re doing everything right.”

“I shouldn’t be putting this on you,” she commented hating that she was letting her teenage son take on the weight of what she was feeling.

“Yeah, but I’m smart and sometimes talking to me can help you understand things from a different perspective,” NJ tipped his head to the side giving a big cheesy smile that reminded her of Negan’s when he was being silly. Once again, she laughed. That was something that NJ was good at doing lately even if things hurt. He made her smile. “I’m glad to see you laughing again. You were so sad for so long. Seeing this laughing makes me feel all warm on the inside.”

“You’re a great kid, you know that?” she informed him, sweeping her fingers in over his chiseled jawline and NJ nodded his head. “Your father did a great job raising you.”

“You helped too,” NJ lifted his hand to curl his fingers around her wrist. Giving her one final weak smile, NJ nodded toward the exit. “We should probably get going before we get kicked out of here. I need you to drop me off at Sam’s anyways. She has dinner planned for a certain time and we have to make sure to be there.”

“Why does Sam have all of you over there?” Y/N helped her son carry his things out of the stadium and to the car. The reason the girls weren’t with them today was the fact that they were already at Sam’s with Noah. “Four children is a lot for her to deal with.”

“Sam is a good big sister though,” NJ claimed while he put his things in the trunk of her car. “Regardless, Elaina and Jane are going to be there too. It’s supposed to be a big family dinner.”

“And where is your father? If it was a big family thing, I imagine he would want to be there,” Y/N helped NJ get into the car and walked around. When she got in the driver’s seat, she could sense that something was different with NJ. “Honey?”

“Dad is at home,” NJ responded when she started up the car and began to drive to Sam’s place. There was a long silence and it seemed like NJ had gotten suddenly very uncomfortable beside her. “He uh…he has a date.”

“I’m sorry?” she looked to NJ feeling her heart racing when she heard NJ confirm what she was actually afraid of. Gazing over at NJ, she could see that he looked like he was worried after he dropped that bomb on her. “What do you mean he has a date?”

“Well, that woman that was there when you picked me up today,” NJ began, swallowing down hard and trying to avoid looking her in the eyes when he realized that she was getting upset hearing what he was saying. NJ’s voice was hitched when he started up again. “Her name is Annie. She’s been dating dad for a couple of weeks now. Dad met her at one of the games. They really hit it off and I think dad really likes her.”

“Oh,” she felt her heart shattering into a million pieces right then and there. “I see.”

“It’s been surprising how fast they connected,” NJ continued on, his hazel eyes now locked on her watching her emotions when he continued on. “In fact, I think dad is going to ask her to marry him tonight.”

“He’s what?” she snapped, the car coming to a faster stop than it probably should have when she stomped on the brake at the red light. There was a warmth growing in her face when NJ’s young features seemed worried with what he was telling her. “You really think that? You think he’s going to ask her to marry him?”

“I’m sorry mom,” NJ frowned, his hazel eyes lowering down and looking at his feet. “I don’t want to hurt you, but you always told me to be honest with you, right?”

“Of course,” she felt her heart racing with all of that information being revealed to her. “Is this Annie a good person?”

“Oh yeah. Really good person. Very nice,” NJ rambled on waving his hand about in the air. Clearing his throat, he pointed toward the light and nodded his head forward. “The light is green mom.”

“Oh,” she was flustered and that was an understatement. At first, she thought Negan being with that woman was just a scenario in her head that she made up, but to hear it from NJ’s lips actually shattered her heart. Even though she was doing her best to continue the drive to Sam’s with a level head, she felt like the world was closing in around her. “Is she good with you kids?”

“Well, she’s already a mom so I think she knows how to handle us,” NJ simply stated, his eyebrows furrowed when she pulled in front of Sam’s house. When the car came to a full stop, he could see that her fingers were clinging tightly to the steering wheel. “You really don’t want to hear these things mom.”

“No, I do. I need to,” she brushed off NJ’s worries and she shook her head slowly. Instead of focusing on what NJ had told her, she looked back at NJ’s things. “Do you need me to help you carry things in?”

“No, I’m fine,” NJ assured her with a half-smile. Leaning across the front seat, he gave her a big hug and squeezed her tightly. “I love you mom. I hope you know that.”

“I do and I love you too. Very much,” she whispered, closing her eyes and holding him tightly. Pressing a kiss to his temple, she waited when NJ leaned back. Giving his mother a wink, NJ stepped out of the car and gathered his things. While she watched NJ moving up the driveway to Sam’s house, Y/N debated her next move.

Right now she felt like she wanted to cry and scream all at the same time. Knowing that Negan found someone in such a short amount of time when he promised her that she was it for him destroyed her. Then again, she was the one that had pushed Negan away and forced him to sign those papers. And that’s when it hit her. She never filed those divorce papers. They were still married and this was their anniversary. How could Negan fucking do this after everything?

Against her better judgement, she found herself driving to Negan’s home, their old home together. And she was furious. Anger was flooding her veins after learning what NJ had told her. Even though she understood why Negan may have wanted to find someone else, the timing was still awful and it went against everything that Negan had told her in the past.

Truthfully? She probably sped to Negan’s home faster than she should have. Fire was flooding her veins and she had to talk to him. Once she got to Negan’s home, she didn’t think, she just acted. Getting out of the car, she stormed up to the door with her blood boiling. Ringing the doorbell, she waited and there was no answer. Which only upset her all the more. After a few minutes she lost count to how many times she had rang the doorbell. Negan’s car was in the parking lot so she knew he was home.

Starting to bang on the door, she could feel a pinging in her hand with how hard she was hitting the door. Faint barks were heard from her hitting the door and she realized that they were coming from the backyard. Heading around the house, she tried to pull open the door to the gate that led to the backyard and felt that it was locked.

“Son of a bitch,” she cussed doing her best to climb up the gate that was around their home. At the top, she felt her foot getting stuck and did her best to get it out. One big tug had her falling over the top of the fence and into the bushes with a grunt. The wind had gotten knocked out of her from the fall and she laid there for longer than she probably should have. Rolling over, she crawled out from the bushes and was met by the big brown eyes of Cooper who was staring down at her. Once the golden retriever realized that it was her, he started licking her face. Groaning out, she did her best to get up on her knees to caress at his ears. “Hey Cooper. It’s good to see you too. But you are a terrible guard dog.”

Finally getting up to her feet, she stumbled toward their large backyard to see that Negan was sitting out by the firepit that he had set up a while back for himself. Just the sight of him took her breath away. He was wearing a pair of black athletic pants and a hoodie where it looked like he had nothing on underneath it with the way the zipper was pulled down to the middle of his chest. He was barefoot and he looked extremely relaxed with a beer in his hand staring out at the fire with his legs stretched out.  

Laying on the ground beside Negan was Oliver who immediately lifted his head when he saw her approaching them. Seeing someone there scared their older dog until he realized it was her after a minute. When he did, he slowly got up to his feet and excitedly made his way over to her. After all these years, she was happy that their dog they had gotten together still loved her as much as he did.

When she first came here, she was determined to get to Negan, but when she was being surrounded by love from their dogs, she was going to take it. Especially with Oliver being older. In the interaction, Negan had lifted his head and a confused expression flooded his features. Pulling his earbuds out, Negan set them down on the table beside him and leaned forward on the seat he was in.

“Y/N?” Negan spoke up, a smirk tugging at his handsome features when she lifted her head. There were leaves in her hair and it was messy. An uneasy laugh fell from his throat when he pulled himself up from the seat. “What the hell happened to you?”

“It’s a long story. I rang the doorbell and you didn’t answer. I heard Cooper barking and came to the gate door, but it was locked,” she pointed toward the fence drawing Negan’s thick eyebrows to bounce up when he approached her. Giving Oliver one final kiss on the head, she slowly stood up and brushed her hands off on her pants. “My foot got stuck climbing the fence and…I fell in the bushes. Hard.”

After her explanation, Negan laughed and moved forward to pull the leaves that were there from her hair. Brushing his fingers through her hair, Negan tried to fix it for her before snickering. Pushing his hands into his pockets, he gave her a small nod and paused for a moment to gather himself. Another chuckle fell from his throat, with his dimples becoming incredibly prominent. A rush of heat flooded into her face when her embarrassment overcame her.

“You could have just called me,” Negan suggested, pointing back to where he was sitting. It drew attention to the fact that he was shirtless underneath the hoodie that he was wearing. Her eyes fell upon the dark curls of hair over his chest and she felt her throat growing dry at the sight. “My cell phone is there, I would have seen it and I would have let you in.”

“I wasn’t thinking,” she confessed feeling stupid now that Negan made it clear what she could have done instead of making a fool of herself. “Our neighbors are probably going to call the police now because they saw some crazy lady sneaking into the backyard.”

“They won’t. You know they are too distracted with their own lives to care,” Negan waved his hand in the air dismissively. Another laugh fell from his throat when he shrugged his shoulders. “What are you doing here Y/N?”

That’s when reality struck her. The real reason she came here. It wasn’t to mingle with Negan. It was to stop what NJ told her.

“Where is she?” Y/N looked around the back yard and Negan did the same. After they didn’t see anyone but the dogs staring back at them, they both turned to each other and Negan made a dramatic expression. “The woman that you are going to ask to marry you. NJ told me that you are dating a new woman and her name is Annie. So where is she?”

“Oh,” Negan’s lips parted, a smirk tugging at his features and he shrugged his shoulders. There was a sense of arrogance that flooded into his face with his thick eyebrows bouncing up. “Why? Does that bother you?”

“Yeah, it fucking bothers me,” she stepped forward to shove her hands into the center of Negan’s chest hearing him scoff. It felt like liquid lava was flooding through her with how angry she was getting at the idea of Negan with another woman. “How dare you!”

“How dare I?” Negan pointed toward his chest, his face scrunching up in confusion when she pushed him firmly again. Stumbling back toward the house, Negan’s breathing grew louder. With a grunt, Negan motioned her to wait and opened the back door. With a whistle, he pointed toward the house having both of the dogs getting up to go inside. Once they were, he closed the door and moved back toward her, his head tipping from side to side. “You’re mad at me for what exactly?”

“How could you plan to ask someone to marry you when it’s our anniversary?” she demanded an answer from him, shoving him once more. This time shoving him hard enough to get him to slam up against the brick wall of the house. Grabbing a tight hold of the hoodie that Negan was wearing, she twisted the material and heard him grunt. “How could you do that to me?”

“Is that what I was doing?” Negan scoffed when she tugged at the material of his hoodie bringing him down to meet her lips in a rough, passionate kiss. Lifting his hands, Negan’s palms cupped her face in his hands trying to gain some kind of composure between the two of them. The way they were kissing was rough, but Negan was allowing her to dominate the kiss in being forceful with him. A moan fell from her throat with Negan’s tongue forcing its way between her lips, but she eagerly returned the gesture. Desperation flooded her veins while she kissed Negan, tugging at the zipper of his hoodie to get the material separated.

Pulling his head back, Negan’s eyelids were heavy with his long eyelashes fluttering. Caressing her fingers up the planes of Negan’s chest had him taking in a sharp breath. Just the simple touch of her tracing over the lengths of his naked torso had him moaning out. A wince escaped his lips when her fingers reached up to press in over his neck to force his head back against the house. With the way she stared at him, Negan could see that fire in her eyes again when she stepped forward and closed the distance between the two of them. His heart pounded inside of his chest, a breath getting caught in his throat when he felt her lips at the side of his neck kissing down over his heated flesh.

Looking down, Negan felt her fingers tugging at the tie in his pants and he bit down on his bottom lip firmly. A tremoring breath fell from his throat causing his abdomen to sink in with him keeping his hazel eyes locked on hers. There was always something about the way that Negan looked at her that drove her crazy.

“She can’t have you,” she informed Negan, dipping her hand beneath the material of his pants to curl her fingers around Negan’s length. A sharp hiss fell from Negan’s parted lips when she tipped up on her toes to kiss over the side of Negan’s neck again. Biting at the flesh had Negan’s hands grasping tightly to her hips. A possessive pull brought her closer to him with her tipping up on her toes to kiss over his jawline. “Because you’re mine.”

“Am I?” Negan panted, his rough fingertips sliding up underneath her shirt to caress over the planes of her back. It sparked a fire inside of her that had her kissing at his bottom lip, sucking faintly at it and having him groaning into her mouth. Flicking her tongue out against the sensitive flesh elicited another raspy moan from Negan with her hand firmly stroking over his hardening cock. She wasn’t being gentle with him, but she was fired up. Yet he didn’t seem to mind it with his hips bucking up toward her touch.

“You are,” she insisted, using her free hand to hook it into Negan’s thick hair forcing his head back again with a shudder. Dragging her tongue out across his bottom lip had Negan groaning out, parting his lips enough for her so he could suck faintly at her tongue before bringing their lips together again in another heated kiss. Another moan fell from Negan, with his lips parting from hers so he could look down at her jerking him off beneath the material of his pants.

“Fuck,” he hissed, burying his nose against the side of her neck. Sliding his hands down over her sides, Negan grabbed a firm hold of her shirt and started to tug it up her body. When it reached just below her arms, she lifted them allowing him to pull it from her and toss it on the ground beside them. Caressing over her sides had a gasp falling from her with him teasing his fingertips over her ribcage. Pulling her hand away had Negan grunting when she swiftly pulled apart the button and the zipper in her jeans. Struggling to get them down her legs, she kicked out of her shoes and then hastily pulled them from her body. Tossing them with her shirt left her standing before him in her bra and panties. “You are so fucking beautiful.”

Negan’s athletic pants were tented with is hard erection beneath, his abdomen sinking in with how heavily he was breathing. Reaching out for her, Negan grabbed a firm hold of her and turned her so that she was pressed against the house. Demanding another kiss from her lips, Negan hummed against her flesh when he hooked his arms under her legs lifting her up. Adjusting their positioning, Negan grunted as he worked to balance her before reaching between them to push her panties aside. Just as eagerly, Y/N was quick to push her hands into the material of Negan’s pants leaving them hanging at the bottom of his ass.

Stroking her fingers over Negan’s manhood had him tipping his head back to stare out at her with his lust filled hazel eyes. After a few more pumps of her hand over him, she lifted her hips up enough to line him up with her entrance. Wrapping her arms firmly around his shoulders, she clung to him when he claimed her lips with another fiery kiss. Thrusting upwards, Negan filled her causing her to cry out and dig her fingers into his shoulders through the material of the hoodie that he was wearing. Negan’s moan vibrated against her lips with his girthy length stagnant inside of her. Once he started to roll his hips underneath her, it had her dropping her head back with a whimper escaping her throat. Nothing felt better than having Negan inside of her. She knew that from the first moment she had gotten with Negan. With Negan pampering the side of her neck with hot, wet kisses she knew that she would always be addicted to him.

“Negan,” she panted his name, hooking her fingers into his hair tugging back on it firmly. Whimpering out, she felt Negan’s thrusts slow, but very prominent beneath her. Winces escaped her lips when Negan’s mouth kissed down over the side of her neck. Closing her eyes, she caressed at his scalp with his rigid length filling her time and time again. “Negan.”

“Tell me I’m yours,” Negan growled against her earlobe, nipping on it and giving it a tug. Tightening his grasp around her fleshy thighs had her purring out and licking her lips.

Dragging her fingers down over the side of his face, through his graying beard she grabbed a firm hold of his jawline getting his eyes to connect with hers, “You are mine.”

Almost immediately he leaned in to kiss her again, his tongue sweeping out between her parted lips into the warmth of her mouth. Clutching tightly to Negan, she purred out with his raspy moans vibrating against her lips. Gradually Negan’s thrusts started to get harder with him nuzzling his nose in against the side of her neck.

The last time they were together was very sweet and passionate. This time it was rough, but it was emotional. It was all those emotions that had been bottled up between them over the last few months that didn’t get to be expressed.

Making sure that she was safe in his arms, Negan stepped back and away from the house to carefully move back toward their patio furniture. Dropping down on it, Negan pulled them back to brace his back against the sectional sofa that they had. Adjusting her weight over Negan, she felt his hands sliding in over her hips when she took control of their movements.

Forcing him to kiss her, she knew that her motions over him were hard, but they were passionate. Desperate for him to know that they were meant to be together. Every plunge his length made inside of her was deep drawing his moans to grow louder. Bracing her hand over his chest, she adjusted her hips over him so he could watch her take total control over him. Watching his face flood with pleasure drew a fire inside of her that only he could.

With the way that Negan was watching her, she felt like how she had all the times before. Wanted and needed by Negan. It felt good being with Negan, but she wanted him to know that with her was where he belonged.

Negan’s hands were everywhere and anywhere. Touching her and trying to comfort her while she had her way with him, allowing the wet sounds of their bodies moving together to fill the backyard. It was times like now where she was thankful that they had a privacy fence for their backyard. But then again, at this point she didn’t think she would care who saw. She desperately wanted this and she didn’t care if people saw or heard them.

Pulling her hips from his had him groaning out in frustration with his erection smacking up against his lower abdomen. Breathlessly, she reached out to tease her fingers in over Negan’s shaft watching his cock twitch with anticipation. Negan was watching her like a hawk while she had her way with him and it was fueling her. Grasping Negan firmly with her fingers wrapping around the base of his cock, she took him into her mouth, appreciating the sound that Negan made once her warmth surrounded him. Bobbing her head over his length, she did what she knew Negan enjoyed and pampered his sensitive flesh. Varying between flicks of her tongue and using her mouth the way she pleased. Taking him back into her throat had his fingers lowering down to stroke over the back of her head, his fingers sinking into her hair to help lead her motions over his body.

“Fuck Y/N,” Negan dropped his head back against the couch, his raspy moan causing chills to fill her once more. Maybe she was pulling out all the stops, but she was doing everything she could to prove that what they had together no one could top. Lifting her eyes, she made sure to watch him while she pleasured him enjoying the expressions that he made. Behind heavy eye lids, Negan’s eyes connected with hers and he gave a weak smile.

Pulling her lips away with a wet sound had Negan whimpering out and she loved it. Taking her time to stroke her fingers over his manhood gave her the time to appreciate the man before her. Peppering kisses over the shaft had his hips flexing, involuntarily arching them up toward her. It made her smile that she could put him in such disarray like this. A wicked smirk tugged at her lips when she started to flick her tongue at the ridges of the tip along the underside. It had Negan’s raspy moan getting louder and it was like music to her ears.

While she enjoyed pleasuring him, there was an ache that she had where she knew she wanted him inside of her again. Stretching out, she almost teased him in the way that she moved when she laid down beside him. Her body was turned away from him with her back facing him when she looked over her shoulder at him in a seductive gaze.  

Catching on, Negan turned on his side and pressed in behind her spooning her in his arms. Twisting her body, she brought his lips to hers when Negan entered her from behind making the both of them moan. Negan’s palm slid across her breast pulling at the cup of her bra to get it down so his fingers could palm at her flesh. Sucking faintly at his tongue had Negan groaning out, his thrusts starting to quicken behind her with their skin smacking.

“Tell me you’re mine,” Negan grunted, his hand sliding up from her breast to grab a tender hold of her chin.

“I’m yours,” she did what he asked of her causing a wolfish smile to pull at his lips. Reaching behind her, her fingers dug into Negan’s hips urging his movements to continue. Their loud breaths filled the air that surrounded them with him smacking up behind her. There was a fire burning in her belly with his movements and the way he touched her. “Negan…”

Covering her lips with his, he let out a pleased sound when she pulled her hips from his with a cry that he had to silence through his kisses after he got her to an orgasm. Her hips shook, her body straining against his until he urged her onto her back. Crawling in over her, Negan hooked her legs around his hips when he comfortably lowered back in over her.  

“Look at me,” Negan curled his fingers around the back of her neck. Her breathing was still labored after the moment of euphoria he got her to. Looking between them, Negan adjusted himself so that he could easily thrust back into her drawing her hips up to him. Even though everything previously had been a hot romp, right now Negan’s movements were slow and fluid wanting to connect with her on an emotional level. “I love you.”

God, that’s all she wanted to hear. Those words. She had longed for them for so long.

“I love you,” she repeated, stroking her fingers at the back of his neck when his winces started to fill the air. Nipping at his bottom lip had him groaning out. With his body throbbing inside of hers, she knew that his orgasm would be following. Bringing him closer to her, she wanted to hold him when he came. There was that eagerness to be close to him when his thrusts became more prominent. Hooking his eyes with hers, Negan felt her fingers stroking at the bottom of his neck when his lips parted. Each movement stayed fluid as he filled her with line after line of his cum. It had his head dropping, pressing in against hers when his breathing became tired. Once he finished, his movements came to a stop and she just held him there for a moment stroking her fingers through his damp hair. It felt good being close like this to him again. Pulling his hips back had both of them moaning out before Negan lowered down beside her, desperate to cuddle in close to her. It took a while for her to gain back her breath and for her to have the strength to finally say something. “I’m going to guess no one else is here.”

“You’d be right,” Negan snickered against her jawline where he was peppering kisses over her flesh. Suddenly, she felt like a fool for falling for what NJ said to her, but she didn’t regret what they had done. “What made you think there was?”

“Our son,” she explained, pulling her head back enough to stare into his hazel eyes. Negan’s rough fingertips swept in over her jawline while he kept them close. “He told me that you were dating the woman I saw you with earlier. That the two of you were dating and you were going to ask her to marry you tonight.”

“Is that what he said?” Negan snorted, burying his head against the side of her neck when she alerted him of what NJ told her.

“How is that funny?” she wondered, surprised by Negan’s reaction to things. While she wasn’t exactly happy with NJ, she was happy that he encouraged her to come here. She just didn’t think that small amount of time where she was furious was all that funny. “You can’t be with anyone else. I never filed the paperwork Negan.”

“I know,” Negan hushed her, leaning back to drag his thumb out over her bottom lip. Negan’s reaction to this surprised her since she had just gone through that wavelength of crazy amount of emotions before she got here. “You don’t think I didn’t know that the paperwork wasn’t filed? I would have to have one hell of a shitty lawyer to not know that. I’ve always known that.”

“I’m confused,” she admitted with a lump growing in her throat. Negan’s thick eyebrows bounced up and he sighed.

“The woman from earlier is a friend of Jane and Elaina’s,” Negan informed Y/N with a shrug of his shoulders. “She was dropping by to pick up something for them and she’s married. She’s also fully, one hundred percent into women. I would never be her type in a million years.”

“Then why did our son lie to me?” she shifted in Negan’s arms, stroking her fingers through the dark hair that covered Negan’s chest. Giving her a dramatic expression, Negan sucked at his bottom lip and heard her huff. “Negan?”

“I may have asked him to help me get you here,” Negan confessed, his head bobbing from side to side. An amused laugh fell from his parted lips when he considered what NJ said. “I didn’t know that he would say that though. So, I was just as surprised as you were when you came here guns blazing. But I guess I should thank him because that angry sex was incredible.”

“Well shit,” she thought about her conversation with NJ and how he had tried to get her to talk to Negan at first by giving her a pep talk. But when it wasn’t working, he knew that it would get her fired up and she would end up coming to Negan tonight if he told her what he did. “Our son knows me too well.”

“Meaning?” Negan’s eyebrow arched up in curiosity.

“He was trying to get me here by giving me a pep talk and when he thought it wouldn’t work, he got me fired up because he knew I couldn’t deal with the idea of you being with someone else,” she informed Negan with a frown, pressing a few faint kisses over the center of his chest. “He knew how to get me here tonight.”

“Thankfully so,” Negan snorted, leaning down to press a loving kiss over her forehead.

“So you’re not dating someone else?” she felt his thumb drawing out over her bottom lip and it had her tipping her head back to look up at him.

“No,” Negan smirked, shaking his head in amusement.

“And you’re not asking someone to marry you?” she knew that he already told her no, but he smiled and peppered a few kisses over her lips. Getting up, Negan fixed his pants and pulled them back up over his slender hips. Holding his hand out, Negan helped pull her up on her wobbly legs. It had her falling in against his chest and he clung tightly to her. Lifting his hand, he swept his rough fingers in over her jawline with his hazel eyes hooked on hers.

Stealing another kiss from her lips, Negan let it linger before helping her get dressed again. Keeping his hoodie unzipped, Negan grabbed a hold of her hand to lead her over toward where he was originally sitting when she showed up. Holding his free hand out drew her attention to the rose that was sitting on the table beside his seat along with a note.

Gazing back at him, she realized it was much like what he used to do when they were together before when she would wake up every morning, “That’s for me?”

“Who else would it be for?” Negan pushed his hands into his pockets watching her with a smirk when she headed over to it.

Taking the rose in her fingers, she smiled when she brought it up to observe it. Looking back at Negan, she noticed that he was watching her with awe in his eyes when she extended her hand out to trace her fingertips in over the note. Picking it up, she opened it with her one hand and felt a breath get caught in her throat.

Will you marry me…again?

Turning on her heel she saw that Negan was knelt down behind her, his hazel eyes sparkling amongst the light coming from the firepit in the distance. There was a box in his hands that he opened when she clung the note and the flower closer to her. There was another ring in the box that shimmered in the nightlight taking her breath away.

“I had this whole thing planned out so differently,” Negan alerted her with a small chuckle, his expressive eyebrows furrowing when he took in a long breath. “I thought you would call, I would lead you back here to the seat and when you went to sit, you’d find that. I’d get on one knee and ask you to marry me again. Instead, our son got you furious and all of…this happened. Not that I didn’t enjoy that because I did and it just proved to me that you still love me like I love you. Which is with everything that I am.”

“We’re still married Negan,” she reminded him with a tip of her head and he rolled his eyes.

“I want us to renew our vows. That way it feels fresh like you wanted it to be. It will be like a restart on our relationship. This time with the children involved,” Negan suggested, grabbing the ring and tossing the box aside. Holding his hand out, he motioned her in closer to him to grab the opposite hand that her ring was on. “You weren’t making the first move, so I figured before I waited too fucking long, I better get a move on it. I tried respecting your wishes, but I want you back home. I want you back in my arms. When I told you that you were the only woman for me, I meant it. I don’t want to be with anyone else. Just you. I see that you are working hard with our children and I know you mean what you say when you want to change. But I want to be beside you to help you during it because I love you.”

Stepping before him, she felt his fingers hooking around hers and she sighed, “So what do you say Y/N? Will you renew our vows so we can be together…again?”

“Yes, very much yes,” she answered with a smile, letting out an emotional sound when Negan hopped up from the ground to pick her up in his arms. With him peppering kisses over her lips she knew all over again why she had fallen in love with Negan to begin with. “I was ready to kick some poor girl’s ass because I was afraid she was taking you from me.”

“That would never happen,” Negan assured her, his kisses vibrating against her bottom lip. “I made a promise to you all those years ago and I intend to keep it.”

“I’m so sorry for getting lost along the way,” she frowned, cupping his face in her hands while he held her closely to him. “You were always perfect Negan.”

“I’m better when I’m with you,” Negan whispered with a loving expression. “And I don’t want to live my life any other way. I want to be behind you. Pushing you up and making you happy for the rest of my life.”

“I don’t want you behind me Negan,” she hushed him with a shake of her head. At first, he seemed confused, but she reached for his hand to squeeze it tightly in hers. “I want you standing beside me where we both can work to make each other happy. Because you deserve happiness just as much as I do. So do our children. And I promise to spend the rest of my life proving that I’m worth the love all of you have for me because I love all of you so very much. I’ll never let anything cloud my judgement ever again.”

----

Tags:

@slutlanna976 @fuckthis-and-fuckthat @jennydehavilland @labyrinthofheartagrams @msjamesmarch @hotfornegan @sanctuaryforthelost @ayumi-wolf @redmercysugar @a-girl-interupted @akumune @stoneyggirl2 @xsarcasticwriterx @haleygreen23 @xhannahbananax03 @burningredaffair @killaweiser @dead-of-niight @hollyismentallyillhelp @promiscuousbarnes @tone-stark

#Jeffrey Dean Morgan #Negan #The Walking Dead #Negan fanfiction #negan x reader #twd fanfiction #negan x you #Negan Smith #negan smut

[charlottecutepie]

☥ Bunny meat (William Afton x fem!reader x Michael Afton)

Summary: He was a likeable middle-aged man who had wonderful children, his dream job and a beautiful wife. He never blamed himself for his own actions, or to be more exact, he never thought about their consequences.

author note: Ive been thinking for a very long time whether I should publish this fic here. this is my fav fic I wrote for fnaf, I especially like the way I portrayed William here. so please, if any of you would like to see this story here, can you leave a comment? It’ll help me to understand. I’m just unsure if I should post this fic here :’’)

tags: darkfic, unhealthy relationship, angst, smut with plot, p in v, dubcon, oral sex, rough and gentle sex, daddy kink, blood play, knife play, fear play, hurt/comfort, violence, gore/murders, child abuse, follows fnaf lore, moral and physical abuse, virginity kink, anxiety disorder, age gap, daddy issues, unreliable narrator, hallucinations, hidden pairing, William is sick, psychopathy, unhealthy narcissism

Chapter 2.

Chapter 1. Thoughts

Chilly spring night. Light wind and rain. It's so fresh outside that the opposite effect appears: you feel as if you are suffocating from excess air. Outside is your favourite smell of wet grass after the rain. Light smile appears on your lips, and you carelessly go out on the porch of your house, looking at the beautiful view in front of you.

At such moments, everything around seems to be a part of you, you feel some kind of connection with nature and this world. Peace, tranquility, two things what you lack in life.

Today was a bad day. Maybe tomorrow will be better? Tomorrow will be the same. And when will it be better? Does this hell have an end?

Your head is filled with bad thoughts. It feels like every day is getting a little worse than the previous one. You never understood why you deserved such treatment from your father. It was as if he was doing everything so that you wouldn't feel like his daughter. He never even called you that. Something bad happened in your family every day, mom and dad always argued, and you always ran into your room in a state of panic, anxiety. What if father does something to her? That's what happened a few years ago. When you called your aunt in tears, begging her to come, because your father broke your mom's leg and beat her to a concussion. You could have been next if your aunt hadn't arrived on time. That evening, the picture of father changed dramatically in your little child's head.

“Father” means something cold, something cruel. The one who can punch, beat, shout, scream. Abuse.

You live with this thought to this day, but the only thing that has changed is that now there is no father anymore. He died a month ago, which was a shock to your whole little family. You hardly remember what happened exactly on the day of his death, but you clearly memorised your mother who cried all night because she knew well that the only one who could work to feed the family was her husband.

And now, because of this husband she cannot find a well-paid job, because he took care to provide her with a serious disability. And you're too young to work, first you must finish school and university.

Your skin was covered with goosebumps, you went back into the house. Passing by mom's room, you made sure that she was asleep and went to your own one.

Tomorrow is another day.

…

June 22.

“Y/n, breakfast is ready.” you heard mom's voice from the kitchen. Telling her you'd be coming soon, you headed to the bathroom to comb your hair and wash your face.

On the dining table you saw a plate with your favorite breakfast. Pancakes with honey, it couldn't not make you happy. You smiled and sat down opposite your mom. Woman was in a joyful mood.

“Good morning, dear, how did you sleep?” she asked gently, examining your face expression. That's how your conversation started, about everything and nothing at once. She told something about her plans for today, for a week, about her friends, about how one of them gave birth again. You just enjoyed her monologue, sometimes nodding and shaking your head. It was nice for you to see a sparkle in mom's eyes, it was something strange and unique for you, but warming soul. “I absolutely forgot that soon is your birthday!”

“Oh, really? If you hadn't told me, I wouldn't have remembered…” you answered in confusion, fidgeting in your chair and twitching your leg. For some reason, the mention of your birthday made you uncomfortable. Probably because it will be your first birthday without your father. After all, when he was alive, you never really celebrated it. The maximum that was — sweets that your mother gave you in secret from him. You wonder what will happen this time?

“How are we going to celebrate?” Mom asked, smile on her face.

You looked at the floor, nervously fiddling with your shorts. You scratched your head, trying to think of something, but no idea came to mind. Your thoughts are empty again.

“It's your 18th birthday… We need to celebrate it well somehow.” for a second she paused, before looking at you with cheerful face. “Oh… Mr. Afton!”

Your eyes widened in surprise, because after the funeral, your family stopped communicating with Afton family.

“Mom, what are you up to?” you frowned. To be honest, you always got shivers running down your spine from his name, because your last meeting was at that cemetery, on the day of your father's funeral. Memories have entered your mind, forcing you to remember your last dialogue with Mr. Afton.

After the burial itself happened, you ran away from the crowd away. Your heart was racing like crazy, trying to jump out of your chest. You sat down on a wet bench, covering your face in hysterics. Tears streamed down your cheeks, dripping onto a puddle under the bench.

“Young lady,” a low-pitched male voice called you out of hysteria. “Everything is okay? You've been sitting here for hour.”

You opened your eyes and raised your head. Next to you was standing was a tall, middle-aged man with dark brown hair, dressed in black trousers and a jacket. He leaned towards you, holding an umbrella over your head. His face seemed painfully familiar, but because of the hysteria, you couldn't remember who it was.

“Oh god, Y/n? I didn't recognize you, little one. Why are you sitting here all alone?” he smiled broadly as he sat down next to you on the bench, still holding the umbrella for you. “Your mom is looking for you, she's so worried. Her beloved girl is lost.”

You recognised this man. It was none other than William Afton. One of your father's friends, he often came to visit you, and your family also visited him. You were embarrassed by ignoring his questions because you didn't know what to respond. He's been staring at your face the whole time.

“Come on, princess, I see how cold you are.” with these words, he took off his jacket, putting it on your shoulders. “I understand how hard it is for you, honey.”

You haven't received so many nicknames from any men for all your 17 years of life. Never, not once. His voice at some point began to seem more comfortable and soothing. Because of all the surging emotions, you burst into tears again in front of him, no longer hiding your face. William, not wasting a minute, threw umbrella and took you in his arms, so that your face was hidden in his chest. His cold hands stroked your hair, soothing you, calming you. It may have looked strange from out of context, but you really needed support in such hard moment.

“Don't cry, Y/n. You'll be fine, little one.” he talked and talked endlessly, but because of your own tears and sobs, you ignored everything, only burying your nose in his chest more.

“He's the owner of a pizzeria! Do you want to celebrate there? I'm sure he'll give us a discount in honor of such an event.” her smile never disappeared for a second. You were already beginning to doubt at how real her emotions were.

“Are you sure? We don't have much money anyway…”

“Never mind, I want you to finally have the best birthday, dear.” she winked and got up from the table, putting the plates and mugs in the sink.

Your lips curled at the thought of having to see William again.

#william afton smut #fnaf x reader #william afton x reader #steve raglan x reader #fnaf william afton #michael afton x reader #william afton imagines #fnaf x y/n

[cherry-holmes]

RIVER - Javier Peña x f!Reader

Glimpse of a life with Javier Peña

Chapter —

MASTERLIST

Summary: Javi took you to his favorite place on earth: heaven.

SERIES MASTERLIST

Pairing: Javier Peña x Female Reader

Word count: +3k

Warnings: Angst with happy ending (sad!Javi) Parent loss. | SMUT. Again, there's a lot of plot before the smut😅P in V sex. Unprotected sex. Rough-ish sex. Fingering. Sex in a public place -ish. Breeding kink. Praise kink. Pregnancy talk.

A/N: Hello, Hola! First of all I want to thank all of you for the support you gave me on my first work! Muchas gracias! I been writing for almost ten years now, but I haven't publish anything since my first fanfic on Wattpad in 2017😅

I hope you like this one as much as the first one!

I repeat, I'm not a native English speaker, but I'm a translator student so I hope I'm doing it well!

If you wanna send me a request, my box is open!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Several daily high temperature records were broken Tuesday in Texas, including at Houston Hobby Airport, Corpus Christi, Laredo and Del Rio. Laredo hit 115 degrees, marking its 10th consecutive day of record highs...

Indeed, as the reporter mentioned on the radio, those were incredibly hot summer days. The air was dry and the sun was burner, it drain all your energy.

You tried to be helpful at the Peña's Ranch during your work vacations, but the chores felt like torture. Javier and his father used to spend hours under the unforgiving sun, repairing fences, tending to horses, herding cattle, and dealing with clients looking for meat animals. The life of a ranch owner was undeniably tough but prosperous.

Sunday arrived with the thermometer hitting nearly 115 degrees. When you woke up that morning, you anticipated a challenging day ahead. However, Javier woke up with a plan in mind. He mentioned knowing about a river around 22 kilometers from the ranch were he used to spend all summer with his cousins when he was a child. You hadn't explored much of the city since you'd been living there for five months since your return from Colombia. So, you were excited about the idea of discovering your new home state, and most importantly, having a day off to immerse yourself in nature. He was delighted that you had agreed to the plan and suggested that you wear sportswear for hiking and a swimsuit.

You inquired him if his father would join, but he explained that Don Chucho would attend the morning mass and then spend the rest of the day at his brother's house.

"It's just you and me today, mi vida," he promised, his large hands squeezing your hips as he left soft kisses on your shoulders as you prepared containers with cubes of watermelon and mango seasoned with lemon and chile Tajín.

Javier placed a small cooler in the back of his '94 Dodge Ram and filled it with beers, water, the fruits you had prepared, and some tamales you had bought and had leftover from the night before.

You jumped into the passenger seat, and Javi turned on the radio as the truck roared to life. The sound of cumbias tejanas played softly as you admired the view of Laredo's countryside. The wind blew through your hair, and Javi drummed his fingers on the steering wheel syncing with the rhythm of Bobby Pulido's song. You felt his free hand touch yours, and when you looked at him, he took your knuckles and placed a kiss on them. He briefly took his eyes off the road to gaze into yours and said, "You look so beautiful today."

Your cheeks turned red as you laughed shyly, but you couldn't resist teasing him, "Only today?"

He grinned and replied, "You've always been a beauty, chiquita."

Thirty minutes later, Javier parked the truck in an improvised parking lot used by visitors to the river. You grabbed your backpack, which was packed with clean towels and dry underwear, while Javi carried the cooler and his own backpack. As you followed him through the lush vegetation and the cool water of the river, you welcomed the fresh air and the shade of the trees. Families and groups of young friends, some with dogs and others who appeared to have camped there overnight, were scattered about. But you notice that Javi didn't follow the same path as the rest of the visitors.

Curious, you asked Javi, "Where are we going?"

He grinned and replied, "It's a surprise."

You continued hiking uphill, leaving the main river trail further and further behind. However, you could still hear the gentle rush of the river. The air was filled with the fresh aroma of blooming flowers and damp earth. Butterflies fluttered everywhere, and you spotted squirrels and birds with vibrant-colored feathers.

After thirty minutes of hiking, you began to feel very sweaty and tired, especially in your knees due to the rocky path.

"Javi," you called to him, noticing he was climbing effortlessly. "Javi," you called again, a bit more concerned, "Are we lost?"

"Be patient," he responded, sounding a bit agitated but not as much as you were. "You hear that? We're almost there," he encouraged.

You focused on your surroundings, and you could perceive the sound of a waterfall nearby.

You followed him through the large rock formation, and before you knew it, a lagoon fed by a waterfall appeared in front of you. The sun reflected on the surface of the crystal-clear water, making it shimmer. The breeze from the waterfall caressed your face, a soft wind drying your sweat with a gentle, cooling touch, rustling the leaves around you.

The warmth of the sun on your skin and the cool breeze from the river created the perfect atmosphere. It felt like heaven on earth, like an Eden. And the fact that you were there with the person you loved the most made it all feel ethereal.

"You like it?" Javi asked gently in your ear, sending a shiver down your spine as he wrapped his broad arms around your waist and pulled you closer to him.

"Oh my God, Javi, it's so beautiful," you exclaimed, "I love it."

"Nobody will find us here, mi vida," he promised, "People follow the marked path, not all of them explore the surroundings," he explained. "As I told you, it's just you and me. Wanna take a swim?"

"Oh God, yes!" you exclaimed as you placed your backpack under a tree. You were wearing a black swimsuit under your shorts and oversize sports crop top, so you just had to take them off, and you jumped into the water.

The water was so clear that you could see the rocks at the bottom perfectly, and the shimmer of the sun on your skin. You swam to the center of the lagoon, and you heard the distant splash of another body jumping into the water. By the time you surfaced, Javier was already at your side, hugging your body and placing a peck on your lips as you wrapped his torso with your legs. You combed his hair disheveled by the water, running your fingers through his black hair. Then, you caressed his face, passing your thumbs on his mustache and bottom lip. He closed his eyes, absorbing your gentle petting. Your fingers wandered through the freckles painting his broad chest and shoulders. You cupped his face with your hands and kissed him with the perfect combination of tenderness and passion that you knew drove him completely dumb for you.

When he opened his big brown puppy eyes, he looked at you as if you were everything he had ever known.

"Te amo mucho, flaquita," he expressed tenderly.

"Yo también te amo, mi corazón," you promised.

"Are you hungry?" he asked after a couple of minutes of tender kisses and sweet nothings in the water.

"Very much," you laughed and started swimming to the shore.

Javi placed a towel on a rock near the water, and you both sat down to start eating and drinking what you brought. You even fed a squirrel with a piece of tamal, which made Javi laugh as he watched you melt in cuteness for the little animal.

"So, you used to come here with your cousins?" you asked him, eager to learn about his youth and his family. He nodded.

"We used to climb to the top of the mountain and swim in the river that everyone knows," he explained. But his expression shifted from a normal nostalgic sentiment to almost sadness in his eyes. He fell silent for a moment, and you regretted asking and potentially ruining the great moment you were having. However, he continued, "After my mom passed away, I was very angry with the whole world. I started being rude with my father and I started to smoke and get drunk with my friends." He let out a laugh, but it was empty. You knew little about how he lost his mother, since he didn't like to talk about it. He had told you that she was sick, that he was fifteen at the time, and that his father never married again. "One day I had a big argument with my dad. He was very angry because I failed all my exams, so I ran away and came here to the river. I was so angry and lost in thought that I didn't notice I had taken the wrong trail and got lost. So, I kept walking until I found this place."

He looked at the waterfall and the treetops, and you felt a shiver and a lump in your throat.

"I sat on this very rock and cried my eyes out, thinking about how much I missed my mom and that I was ashamed of my behavior towards my father," he added. "This place became my refuge. I used to come here every time I felt anxious, tired, or sad. I never told or brought anybody to this place, not even my father."

You couldn't help but wonder if he had ever brought Lorraine here. After all, she had been his first fiancée, and you wondered if he had considered sharing this secret place with her. However, you didn't dare to ask him, afraid of his response or of making him lie just to please you.

But he knew you so damn well, almost as if he could hear the unspoken question burning in your mind. He loved your low-key jealousy.

"Not even her," he clarified. His hand took yours and caressed your still-wet fingers, then he placed his big brown eyes on yours, so devoted to you. "The very first moment I saw you, I swear that you reminded me of this place. I don't know if it was the heat of the Colombian summer or the blue dress you wore that day, but seeing you seated at your desk brought me a peace I haven't felt in a long time."

You felt tears of happiness gathering in your eyes, butterflies in your stomach, and your cheeks turning cherry red. Javi moved closer to you, wrapping an arm around your waist, his intense gaze still on your bright eyes.

"In that moment, I told myself that I have to bring you here, as my wife. Today is the first time I came back in seven years since I left for Colombia. And you are the only person I've ever shown my most precious secret."

Your hands reached for his face, making him stay still as you kissed him deeply and passionately. His hands went to your back, pulling you closer and kissing you back. You tasted the saltiness of your tears in between the kiss, but so did Javi, so he wiped them away with his thumb.

"I promised to you to be worthy of you, baby, and I intend to make it last forever," he promised.

"You have my heart, Javi," you promised back. "You're everything I have."

He leaned in to kiss your lips again, and then he stood up, pulling you up too.

"Enough of crying, babygirl. Let's swim," he said as he stepped into the water, but you let go of his hand, making him frown.

"Wait," you said, looking around, "Are you sure nobody knows about this lagoon?"

"I'm damn sure, baby. What's the matter?" he said, a bit confused, until he saw you taking off your swimsuit. His eyes darkened as they roamed your completely naked body, and you noticed his Adam's apple moving up and down.

"Is it okay?" you asked him, a mix of innocence and naughtiness that made his cock throb inside his shorts.

"You're amazing," he said as he started taking off his own swimsuit and then pulled you to him and into the water.

He kissed your lips, your cheeks, your chest, and you felt his cock half-hardened against your lower belly. But he let you go, and instead of diving straight into sexual matters, you both swam all around the lagoon, drank all the beers, bathed under the stream of the waterfall, and explored the depths searching for weird-shaped rocks. Sex was an amazing experience in your relationship. You both enjoyed each other's bodies and could spend hours tangled in your shared bed, on the couch, or in any other intimate place. The two of you also knew that there were many ways to make love, and not all of them were about sex. This was one of the connections that Javier learned from being with you. He adored your naked body, and it turned him on. There were days when he just couldn't keep his hands off you. However, he also learned to appreciate it in a way that went beyond lustful desires, reaching a level of intimacy that felt almost divine. He saw you through your nakedness, connecting with your soul, and vice versa.

But when you do fuck, you mean it.

The sun was starting to dip lower in the sky, casting a warm, golden glow over the lagoon. You felt his bare body behind you, his arms around your torso as he kissed your neck. You began to rub your buttcheeks against his cock, making him hiss.

Javi's hands disappeared under the water, looking for your core. His index and middle finger found your clit and began to traced gentle circles as he squeezed one of your breasts with his free hand.

You let out a couple of soft moans, trying to keep as quiet as possible, but Javi fastened his touch, making it so hard for you.

"Don't worry, nobody will hear us," he assured you, whispering to your ear, "C'mon, bonita, let me hear you begging for my cock."

"Javi...", you whimpered, feeling his dick slipping on your ass and his fingers between your folds.

"You're such a Goddess," he praised. Javier knew every detail about how to make love to you. He was proud of knowing every corner of your body, every angle, every freckle and every beauty mark over your body. He knew how to made you whimper and scream, and how to make you undone. Yet, he never get bored, not even after three years of relationship and the most wonderful four months of marriage. He would never had enough of every aspect of you.

"I... I need to... feel you inside," you whimpered.

He wanted to made you cum with his fingers and his mouth first, as he always do. But the scene was so kinky and erotic, making his cock throb so painfully.

"Fuck," he hiss, as he carried you, making you gasp, and took you back to the towel.

Javi laid down and you jumped on top of him. His cock was lying on his belly, so you started rubbing it between your wet folds, massaging your clit with his head. His hands captured your hips, so tight you think it would let bruises with the shape of his fingers. But you didn't care, it felt so good.

"I don't brought condoms, baby," he confessed.

"Are you telling me that you planned all this so I let you cum inside of me?", you teased, he shrugged playfully. "You're such a bad boy."

"What are you gonna do about it? Don't tell me that you don't want it too, feel your tight pussy filled with my cum," he whispered, making your core throb around his cock. He grinned, feeling you become even wetter. "I was thinking about starting to build that second bedroom I told you about. How does that sound?"

That was the signal. You and Javi lived in a house that he build years ago. It was at three kilometer from his father's ranch, and since he was not planning to get married at that time, the house only had one room. But now that the panorama had changed, the house was about to transform from a bachelor house to a family home. Starting for make a baby's room next to the the main room.

And just like that, Javi was asking you about starting to try. You answered with a nod and a shaking sigh, your body reacting to his words.

"C'mon, cowgirl, let's put a baby on you," he added, as you took his cock to your entrance. You moan hard as you felt his length stretching your walls, clenching around him. "Fuck, I love that pussy," he groaned.

He was also mesmerized by the view of you on top of him: your skin glowing at the sunlight, drops of water over your shoulders, your wet hair waving with soft air, your hands on his chests, your hardened nipples and your drop-shaped breasts. You looked gorgeous as always.

"You feel so deep, Javi," you moan, starting to moving back and forth, up and down with gentle movements. His pubic hair caressing your swollen clit, his hands over your hips and waist. "I want you to fill my pussy with your cum."

His cock felt different without a condom. You were a married couple, but you still had intercourse with protection, given that you didn't have plans to have a baby until now, and Javi wasn't selfish to make you take pills full of hormones and side effects. He always tried to have condoms on hand, and even though he had insisted that you didn't have to take morning-after pills, you both had sex without protection a couple of times. You always let him know how much you loved his bare cock inside of you and you knew how much he loved it too.

Your whimpers mixed with the sound of the waterfall was music for Javi's ears. He began to push his hips up at the same time as you went down, meeting each other halfway. The air was filled with filthy sounds of wet bodies and moans and whimpers. His name escaped your lips like a prayer, as he watch his cock disappeared inside your dripping cunt.

"I'm comin'... I'm... fuck...," you cried, as you felt a knot buildup on your lower belly.

"I know baby, I can feel your pussy clenching for me," he said. Javi took control of the situation, as you let him fuck you nice and deep, one thumb on your clit and his free arm around your waist to make you stay still. You placed your hands at both sides of his head, so he was able to capture your nipple with his mouth, making you cried and soaking wet.

"Don't you fuckin' stop, Javier! Just like that, me gusta cuando me coges así," you pleaded as he fastened his thrusts.

"Quiero verte corriéndote en mi verga," he commanded.

You reached your climax with a silent scream as the waves of pleasure washed over you, squirting over his cock. You pulled your hips up unconsciously, but he pulled you back down again, buried so deep into you. You felt him almost rubbing your cervix as his warm and thick load painted your walls.

He was also growling and letting out soft whimpers as he watched your pussy dripping a mix of his cum and your honey.

Javi pull out and placed your body beside him, kissing your collarbone and caressing the curves of your waist as you came down from your cloud of bliss.

"That was amazing," you murmured after a minute, your cheeks burning. You cupped his cheeks and kiss him on the lips again.

"I wanna swim again," he said, starting to stood up taking your hand to follow him.

But you pulled him closer, pressing his chest against your breasts as you wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him passionately, your tongues entwining. "You're not going anywhere. I told you that you were a bad boy, and you must be punished for that behavior, mister."

He grinned devilishly as you placed your hands over his shoulders and pushed him down your body.

#pedro pascal #fanfic #narcos #pedro pascal x reader #javier pena x reader #javier peña smut #javier peña x reader #javier peña x female reader #pedro pascal smut #javier peña x f!reader #narcos fanfiction #narcos fic #javier peña fic

[laurents-laces]

It took me 84 years, but here's the notes for Pacat's Instagram live on January 22, 2022! You can find previous summaries here. This time I added a section for things that involve both capri and dark rise because there was a lot of that.

“It’s funny, I tend to write, as I think back on Dark Rise and then before that, Captive Prince, I tend to write these book ones that kind of don't necessarily reveal themselves until the end or cohere until the end or maybe are written for the re-read rather than necessarily for the first read… I kind of have this philosophy that difficult pleasures are the most enjoyable because you have to work to achieve them, and so you know, I like the idea that you get rewarded at the end of Dark Rise for reaching the end.”

Important Updates

There has been some progress on the capri News™, though it was epically delayed by the pandemic. It’s not a fourth book, hardcovers, Laurent’s POV, or a TV series

There were updates about Dark Rise and Fence too but none of it is news anymore because this happened so long ago. The capri fandom is just unlucky like that

Pacat has a new project! It’s very different and is more adult in tone than his previous works. It’s kind of monster-horror-gore, he’s been wanting to do something with a shounen horror vibe like Berserk or Attack on Titan. It’s coming in the distant future, not soon

Captive Prince

Pacat hasn't heard of the capri fandom term Smaurent (small Laurent) but thinks that the idea of him does exist in the books as he was a very different person as a young child. Pacat likes writing characters who explore the idea that one’s past leaves fingerprints on one’s present self and Laurent is the most extreme version of this that she’s written

A fan said that they think of “Damianos V” as being a roman numeral, so that Damen would be the fifth King Damianos. Pacat really liked the idea

Pacat cried for a really long time while writing Nicaise’s death scene. Got a few strange looks as he sat in the Melbourne State Library with tears streaming down his face for a few hours. Nicaise’s death was planned from the beginning, he was always a bittersweet character to write

Laurent is such a private person. Writing more from his POV would risk exploding the mystery of his character and might kill some of the tension in capri

The capri News is like a missive from Rohan- it's on its way and it'll arrive at some point, just when you need it most

A fourth capri book isn’t completely out of the question but there isn’t one planned for now

The Brazilian capri covers are their own thing but they don’t represent the books well. They have a very dark-ages-hard-masc-medieval aesthetic

How tall is Damen? Laurent thinks that he’s a foot taller and that sometimes it feels like more

Orlant: Rough exterior, heart of gold, didn't deserve what happened to him

Pacat pronounces Vere like Veer (veer off course) but that is not the correct pronunciation that Laurent and the Veretians use so feel free to pronounce it how you want

Pacat wasn’t really involved in the art for the Japanese edition but has been a fan of Chinatsu Kurahana for a long time. Usually the author doesn’t get much input for foreign editions. The Japanese publisher was very welcoming and let Pacat have some input, but he was such a fan of the artist that he let her do whatever her vision was. He gave a bit of a description for clothing but didn’t tweak any character concepts once they were drawn because he likes having different versions of the characters in different media. We shouldn’t think of it as an official version of the characters or as Laurent’s canon hair length

Dark Rise

The submission date for the Dark Heir manuscript was June 2022. At the time of this live, Pacat was just past writing the midpoint of the first draft, heading towards the climax. The climax has been planned for a long time

We absolutely get James's POV in Dark Heir. Pacat had just finished writing one of his chapters when this live happened

How would Anharion describe Sarcean in one word? The answer would change depending on whether Anharion was wearing the collar. If he was wearing it he would say whatever Sarcean wanted him to say

James is not named after the gay king james (James I of England)

We will find out about James’s mother at some point, either in book 2 or later

Pacat’s current favourite Dark Rise character to write is a new character from book two

It was important that the stewards were racially diverse. When Pacat was pitching Dark Rise he had little pictures of the characters to show what the aesthetic of the book is, it was art that he found online. Things might have changed since then but this was three or four years ago and it was really hard to find fantasy imagery of non-white characters. If you wanted to find mages or warriors in suits of armor, all the artwork had white characters. So he wanted to include different types of people in the traditional western fantasy aesthetic

Favourite part of Dark Rise #1 is the ending because it was all of the pieces falling into place

Cyprian’s surname is not St. Clair but saying more than that would be a spoiler

Stewards have family in the outside world

Pacat would love to write short stories for Dark Rise like the ones for capri but she’s a slow writer so it would be some time in the future

Dark Rise/Capri

Justice’s appearance wasn’t specifically influenced by danmei, he has long hair because all the Stewards have long hair. The Stewards have long hair because everyone in the Old World had long hair and the Stewards carry on the sacred traditions of the past. This was inspired by the delightful long-haired-Laurent contingent in the capri fandom because they were so underserved by Captive Prince. No one in capri other than Ancel has really long, butt-length hair so Pacat wanted to change that in a new series

Where do you get inspiration for jewelry like Nicaise’s earring or James’s collar? Pacat has been thinking lately about the importance of creating a strong visual aesthetic for a character. The earring was created as a plot device. It’s long because it had to be very gaudy and noticeable because Laurent would use it as a disguise later, and it has blue sapphires because blue is Laurent’s colour. It's one single earring instead of a pair because it felt more poignant as a memento. The earring was more about purpose than aesthetics, but Pacat paid more attention to aesthetics in Dark Rise. When working on Fence, Johanna is so good at creating characters with an iconic visual look, and Pacat was thinking about that when he created James. He started with the idea of red because it's the colour of blood. The collar started off as a necklace that was a drop of blood, but it was changed to be more interesting and to have more of an impact. Pacat often thinks about the scene from the Hunger Games when Katniss is about to prove herself to the sponsors and they're not paying attention to her so she shoots the apple in the boar's mouth. A lesser author would’ve had her nail the bullseye but Suzanne Collins souped it up one more level, to come up with something slightly cooler or more imaginative. So Pacat goes through his finished drafts and thinks, is there anything I can turn up to 11? And the necklace wasn't at 11. So he thought about making it a choker, then a collar. A choker with rubies looks like a slit throat and that’s a very cool image, so that’s what it was changed to

Pacat is an only child so Tom and Auguste as older brothers aren’t based on personal experiences, but the idea of siblings has a strong importance to her. Dark Rise is dedicated to her half-sister Mandy who committed suicide when she was 15, which was the year Pacat was born

Fence Comic

The process of creating Fence: First Pacat writes the script, then it gets sent to the illustrator Johanna. It goes through a few rounds of notes where the two of them talk about the kinds of things they want to see happen, what would be cute or great in the upcoming storyline, and then Johanna does sketches. Then art edits happen, but usually the art is so incredible that it doesn’t need many edits so the only usual change is to make sure that Nicholas is left handed when he’s fencing. Then Boom (the publisher) looks over it before it goes to inks, then to the colourist Joana Lafuente, then to Jim Campbell for lettering. Jim places the speech bubbles and fits the script onto the page. Where the bubbles are placed and which words are emphasized makes a big impact on the flow of the script. Then everything gets sent back to Pacat for proofreading and editing of the lettering and then it’s done

Pacat worked very closely with Sarah Rees Brennan on the fence novels. They talked a lot about how events would play out, biographical details of the characters, made canon compliance edits, saw the books at every level and loved them. It’s impressive how Sarah can turn on a dime between two sets of opposing feelings when transitioning between emotions. Her books have a lot of wit and charm but also a lot of hard-hitting emotion

There was information about Rise and a preview but I'll skip over that part because it's already out now

Personal

When creating characters, Pacat often thinks of them in terms of dynamics they’ll have with other characters, or what they want to achieve, or what kind of archetype they resonate with, or how to build a backstory that gives them layers. Characters are interesting when they have more than one motivation, when they look one way on the surface but then different aspects of them from the past are revealed

Pacat was an Earth sciences major

Pacat chooses all the fanart friday posts himself and then his assistant Hannah sends a request to the artist

Least favourite book trope: band of misfits who save the world through a hail mary pass. Pacat likes a highly confident crew, not a small rabble of people who fluke their way into saving the world. It's not a bad trope, he doesn't know why he doesn't like it. He doesn't like Firefly because of this trope

He often reads fanfic on ao3 for more of a story than was in the original or more of a dynamic that was underserved in the original. But authors can’t read fic of their own works for copyright reasons

Owns multiple copies of the Lymond Chronicles. Book four is her favourite because the ending is so intense and devastating. Pacat often thinks of that ending when deciding what to do with her own works because most authors would’ve chickened out of writing an ending like that. She read book one for the first time in a restaurant at 9:00am and stayed there until she finished the book. She probably looked like a mess because of all the laughing and crying, and at one point one of the waiters came over to bring her a handkerchief and said “are you okay?” and Pacat said “I’m just at a really intense part right now"

Pacat does brainstorming sessions with friends to come up with ideas for books and looks at art books for inspiration

He’s reading the BL manga Twittering Birds Never Fly

Danmei dramas/web novels are really long so he isn’t familiar with most of them, but he ordered MDZS and he’s looking forward to reading it because he’s heard a lot of good things about it

Pacat doesn’t usually like love triangles, whenever he ships something in a love triangle he ends up choosing the unlucky guy. He liked Gale more than Peeta and liked Edgar more than Heathcliffe

#captive prince #dark rise #fence comic #instagram livestreams #cs pacat #my post

[wildemaven]

fall apart, again : chapter two | joel miller

Pairing: Joel Miller x OFC!Genevieve

WC: 2763

Warnings: 18+ Blog; little bit of angst and a little bit of fluff— that’s all I’m saying, reader has a name but is a blank slate with zero description,

A/N: I was eager to get this part written and out as soon as possible. Chapter 3 might take me a minute to get out, just a heads up. Thanks so much to @gnpwdrnwhiskey for being the best and listening to me stress over this 💞

Series Masterlist / Playlist / Inspo Board

Previous / Next

September 22, 2003 - 4 Days until Outbreak

The summer still lingers in Texas, the air dense and muggy. 

Heat shimmering over the hood of your car as you drive, the blasting of cool air is the only saving grace you have for the time being.

“Hey, it’s me. I wanted to talk to you about something when you get here. Umm— Shit! I hate this so much. *sigh* I miss you Eve…A-and I love you so, so fucking much. I guess— I guess I’ll see you in a bit. Drive safe. Bye.”

*BEEP*

“End of messages. You have no new messages.”

A heavy sigh huffs out of your chest, you press the red ‘end call’ button and toss the small phone into your passenger seat. 

His voice still has such an effect on you after all this time, the little flutter it elicited the second it reverberated into the speaker has you almost fighting back tears. 

You blink them away quickly as you reach for the stereo volume, turning it up to a somewhat higher but bearable level, the local station plays through some hit song you haven’t heard before.

The steering wheel is rigid as you readjust your grip, a slight glint of light pulls your gaze briefly from the road ahead, the small gold band that cradles a tiny diamond shines brightly on your left hand. 

Refocusing on the road, your mind wanders to when you had both found the ring, your small income not offering a lot towards something with more extravagance, but you were the opposite of flashy so it was perfect. 

You remember the sight of him immediately dropping to one knee the minute you both stepped out of the small jewelry store, its parking lot the backdrop for the proposal you both had planned together. 

Yes! flew from your mouth instantly as you dropped down into his arms, the celebratory kiss only lasting briefly as the asphalt began to nearly burn through your jeans. 

Meeting the love of your life at 18 and planning your life together at 22 felt right, even despite the apprehension from both of your parents, convinced you were throwing your lives away. 

You wish you could say the last 14 years were nothing short of pure wedded bliss, the last few years were trying as you both worked yourselves to make ends meet, even in your 30’s trying to stay afloat was no easy feat. 

The separation wasn't an easy decision. It broke your heart to even suggest such a thing, but you needed a break from the fighting and the tears, some space to clear your head and let things settle down before reevaluating what was best for both of you. 

The love you had for him was still so strong and you held on to it fiercely, allowing time to heal the small fractures in your heart. You had hoped that your decision for this arrangement you had been living for the last 2 months, wasn't one you would regret in the long run. 

Your friends assured you it was just a rough patch, something all couples dealt with at some point in their lives, trying to alleviate any hesitancy you were having that this was the end for your relationship. You knew you didn’t want an end, you had looked into options to work on things, hoping he would be on board and this would be a start to a new beginning. 

“You know, he cries too. And he thinks I can’t tell, but I do.” A voice drifts from the back seat. 

You hadn’t even realized you were crying, hoping the music muffled your sniffling as you promptly wiped your face, knowing she can tell with you too. 

You catch her reflection in the rear view mirror, her gaze focused out the window, there's a soft but somber look on her face— you hate that you’re the cause of any sadness she is hiding from you. 

Shifting your eyes back to the road as you turn into a quiet neighborhood. The small street is lined with modest homes and memories of block party cookouts on holiday weekends, kids running the sidewalks as their popsicles melt down their small hands and families bringing home newest editions to continue adding new memories. 

The two story red brick with white trim house is nestled further down the cul de sac, it was the perfect starter home for two young adults who threw their savings and a hefty bank loan into it. 

Guilt builds in your chest the closer you get, knowing it’s a quick visit before you leave, it hasn't gotten easier and each time only adding to the pain you feel of not pulling in that driveway permanently. 

“He’s going to be bummed you won’t be here this weekend, I can already see his grumpy face.”

Parking the car along the curb in front of the house and killing the engine, you turn to look to the back seat. 

“Please don’t say anything, just let me tell him okay?” You can already see his furrowed brow line and puppy dog eyes, for as handsome as he is, he wears his grumpiness well. 

“Are you going to tell him you’re moving back home too?” 

“What? How did you—“

“I heard you talking to grandma this morning, you both aren’t the quietest people, even when you think you’re being quiet. Just tell him, please. I don’t think he can take it much longer.” 

“Yes, I’ll tell him.”

“Promise?”

“I promise— Gosh, since when did the roles reverse here? I swear, you were just 5 begging for your training wheels to come off. What the heck happened?”

“I turned 14 and wondered when my parents were going to come to their senses.” 

“Alright, get your stuff baby girl. Don’t forget your school books too.” 

“Got it!” Grabbing her overnight bag and backpack, books tucked under her arm as she exits the car. 

You grab the small package out of the glove box and take a minute to calm your nerves, the air sticking to your skin the moment you step out of the car. 

“Give me a hug.” Opening your arms to your daughter, grateful that even at 14 she still loves giving her parents hugs. “I’m gonna miss you, but I’ll call you when I get there ok?” Your cheek squished against the side of her head as you squeeze her a little tighter. 

“Did you get the gift?” She looks up at you. 

You hold up the silver box, giving a little shake, its contents knocking about slightly. You both smile at the remembrance of picking it out, the shopping trip to the mall last night week, searching every store for the perfect gift. It took 10 stores, a pretzel and a pit stop to Claire’s before you both settled on it— the perfect style and color to match his rugged look. 

“Do you want to give it to him?” You ask her. 

“No, you can. I’m going to grab something to eat before we leave for school.” 

Another round of hugs, several small kisses to the top of her head and a string of ‘I love yous’ before she leaves you on the sidewalk to head inside. 

The front door opens before she’s even made it up the driveway. 

“Hey Dad!” Throwing herself into his arms. 

Watching their embrace sends a wave of emotion through you, their bond is something you’ve always loved, only getting stronger as she’s gotten older. 

You can’t hear what they're talking about from where you’re standing, hushed giggles and smiles exchanged before she makes her way inside. 

The roar of a pickup truck grabs your attention as it parks in front of the garage, the door slamming shut before you see him round the front of the truck. 

“Eve! You finally comin’ to take my asshole brother back? He keeps mopin’ around like a lost puppy. Makes him a pain in the ass to deal with truthfully— if not for him, do it for me sweetheart!” His hands up in a praying manner, you can’t help but shake your head and laugh at how dramatic he is first thing in the morning. 

“Tommy, shut the fuck up and leave her alone will ya. Go on an’ head inside, I’ll be there in a minute. Sarah’s probably cooking up some eggs or somethin’— make sure she doesn’t burn the house down.” His voice sounds better when he’s standing 2 feet away from you, shouting at his idiot brother who is retreating to the house in search of food that was mentioned. 

“Hey.” The tension leaves his shoulders, dropping the minute he gets a good look at you, his smile on full display. 

It had been a week since you had last seen him, dropping Sarah off at your parents where you’ve been staying for the last 2 months. 

“Hi, Joel.” 

He hesitates for a moment, not sure whether to give you a hug or not, you make the decision for him and lean into his solid body wrapping your arms around him instantly, his brain taking a second to register the gesture before reciprocating earnestly. You breathe in his freshly showered scent— woodsy and warm, like a mountain forest after a raining day. 

The hug lingers on for a while, neither of you speaking a word, savoring the embrace fully before releasing each other. 

“How’s things been? Your parents good?” Hands fidgeting at his side, nerves starting to tick off as he searches for things to ask you. 

“Yeah, things are good— things are going well.” Your voice fluttering, your own nerves making you feel like a middle schooler talking to her crush for the first time between classes. “My parents are good, too— they said to tell you hello.” 

Another beat of silence, not really sure what to say next. 

“Oh— this is for you.” You hand him the box you’ve been gripping tightly since you left the car. “It’s from Sarah and I, she insisted it was something you would like— Happy Birthday, Joel.” 

Joel opens the lid to reveal a watch— a simple black watch face with matte silver casing and a green fabric band. Pulling it from the box he takes a better look at it, holding the weight of it in his large callused hand. 

“Thanks— I love it.” And you know he means it, his genuine smile lights up his face making his beautiful brown eyes shine and crinkle up on the sides. 

“Here, let me help you put it on.” Grabbing the watch from his hand. 

Sliding the watch band around his wrist, his skin is soft against your fingertips as you maneuver the buckle in place— his forearm taut, muscles and tendons flexed and firm from years of working with his hands. His broad frame, all skilled and capable of handling any kind of physical demands, taking on any task with ease— from the way he held the tools that aided in remodeling every issue the house had when you moved in, to the way he gently held your newborn in the early hours of the morning and how he would hold you every night as you slept beside him— his body built for protecting the ones he loves the most. 

You find it hard to let him go, your hands loitering over his hand, wanting nothing more than for him to pull you back against him, and you think he is going to when he grabs your left hand. His focus was first on your wedding ring, he’d spent the last 2 months worried you would remove it— his thumb smoothes over the gold band, then wrapping his hand around tenderly yours. 

His eyes move from where your hands are joined to your face, watching how you’re still looking at the way he’s holding your hand, how you meet his eyes after a brief moment and the world around you is still. 

“I was thinking we could try counseling—“

“I talked to a lawyer—“

You both speak at the same time, Joel’s face instantly morphing from hope to heartbreak at the way you mention talking to a lawyer. 

“Hey, don’t get all worried on me, it was just my mom’s friend from Bunco.” You start to explain, your hand cupping his face. “She’s a retired lawyer I should say— she proposed I start writing down my thoughts in the form of letters, writing the things I've been wanting to say to you or how I’ve been feeling— anyway, she also suggested we try counseling too. Said it can help get things back on track, that it would be good for us.” 

Joel releases the breath he was holding, relief settling into his handsome features. 

“Yeah— I think it would be good for us too. I got the number of someone who specializes in marriage counseling, they were highly recommended.” 

Your heart swells at the effort he’s putting into fighting for you, to fight for your marriage. 

“Okay. Set us up a meeting with them and send me all the details.” 

His hands settle into your hips, yours on his arms, the distance between you slowly closing. 

“Okay. I wanted to ask you, no pressure or anything— Sarah wanted to get a cake on Friday for my birthday, she insists on it actually. Would you want to join us?”

“You know I would love to—” You pause, gathering all your thoughts before letting him know you wouldn’t be able to. 

“Definitely feels like there’s a but coming.” His brows knit together as he waits for the rest of your letdown. 

“I’m heading out of town, today actually. I picked up a few shifts down in Laredo at their hospital— it’s been planned for several weeks now, so I can’t get out of it.” 

You had been working as a traveling nurse for the last 6 months, picking up shifts all over the state and working as much as possible to continue to help with the endless amount of bills. 

“But— I put in for a permanent position at St. David’s. They were looking for a new head of triage, so I applied— and it would keep me closer to home.”

“Home? Like here home?” His head nudged in the direction of the house behind him, hands gripping tighter on your hips at the prospect of you moving back in. 

“Yeah. I was thinking— I should be back early next week after my shifts are through and if it’s okay with you, I can start moving back in on Monday evening?” 

“Eve, you don’t even have to ask. I would love nothin’ more than to have my wife home with me. Should we tell Sarah now or wait ‘til you get back?”

“She already knows— teenagers and the way their hearing only picks up on the things not meant for them. Although, I think she was secretly plotting something.” 

Laughter fills the air between you, his forehead now resting against yours. 

“I love you, Eve. I promise things are going to be different.”

“I love you so much. we’ll get through this together.”

Joel’s hand moves to tilt your chin up slightly, his gaze flitting between your eyes and lips, searching for any sign of rejection from you. 

Your lashes flutter against the top of your cheeks at the sensation of Joel’s lips molding against yours, pulling you flush to him, your hands carding through the curls at the nape of his neck. 

It doesn’t take much for the kiss to deepen, weeks of pent up emotion pouring into every little detail of it. 

“Would you two get a room already?” Sarah shouts from the front door. 

“Yeah, get a fuckin’ room you animals.” Tommy always needing to add his own commentary. 

The kiss over sooner than you would have liked. 

“I should get going, I’ve got a 4 hour drive ahead of me.” 

“Will you— will you call me when you get there? Let me know you made it safe?”

“Sure. I’ll call once I get settled into my hotel room.”

He kisses you one last time before letting you go, watching as you head back to your car. 

Pulling the driver door open you pause, looking to Joel the house then to Sarah, blowing them a kiss and a final wave.

“I’ll see you all next week!” You say before getting into your car and driving back down the street towards the main road, watching their reflection in the mirror get smaller and smaller as they wave you one final goodbye.  

Next

#joel miller x ofc #joel miller x female oc #joel miller x you #fall apart again series #Joel Miller #hbo the last of us #the last of us #tlou #joel miller tlou #pedro pascal #wildemaven writes

[dre6ming]

Playing for keeps

Chapter I

Masterlist

Pairing: Austin Butler x Y/n

Plot: Austin is the next in line for the throne, but he can’t be king if he doesn’t have a wife. In your country tradition says that a selection formed of 35 young women must be formed for the prince to find a wife. You are obligated by circumstances to participate against your will. What are the chances that you might be the next queen? None right? Right?

Warning: none

Word count: ~4000

"To heal the soul by the means of the senses and the senses by the means of the soul" or something like that, is what Oscar Wilde said to make me really understand why something so simple as feeling the bristles of my brush stroke the rough surface of the canvas. My lines look a little jagged today, my hand keeps shaking and no matter how many deep breaths I take, the rock sitting on my chest hasn't gotten any lighter.

Thirty five, what a strange and odd number, why so many? Why not more or less? Did they have a mathematician who centuries ago did the math for them and concluded that thirty five was the lucky number to find a wife out? I take a deep breath as the word "wife" bounces off of the walls of my skull. It's not just a wife, it's the future queen.

It's been a little more than 30 years since the last selection, when queen Lori was selected out of the bunch by King David and now the result of their successful selection, their son, prince Austin, is about to have his very own selection. All of the girls in the kingdom between the ages 18-22 were asked to submit an entry into the competition, to hopefully end up being the princess of the kingdom and the future queen.

Emphasis on the word "asked" , we were not obligated to do it, at least not by our government, our parents however? Well the forced me to apply, dragged me down to the office where the applications were collected and made me sign up.

"Y/n it's time, come come sit!!" My mom shouts for me and I put down the paint brush, wiping my hands on a rag, brushing back some hair as I make my way to the very small, very crowded living room. My mom , dad and all my 5 siblings are spread around the tv, watching it like hawks. "Come sit!" Mom pats the spot next to her on the couch and I squeeze between her and my older sister.

I can't help but feel angry at the whole situation, my parents live in a poorer side of the country and the fact that they had 7 kids did not help, I'm right in the middle, being the 4th to be born, my older siblings, are married off to their own households where the also pop baby after baby, that is except for one of my eldest siblings, my sister Hannah, who's the reason why mom put me into the selection in the first place.

To back track a bit and explain, my parents met and got married when they were 20 years old, my brother Josh came a year later, he's now 26 married and expecting child number three, his income already stretched thin. Then came Anna, she's 24 she married in a more stable family, but with baby number two, turning into babies number 2 , 3 and 4, yes that's triplets that she's having, money is low. Mark, 22 now, not married, he's actually, well we don't know, he ran away with a girl from around here, we haven't heard anything in years and since we barely have time to live our own lives and win enough for a living, we've put him aside. My sister Hannah, 22 as well, she's Marks twin, she's supposed to marry, but the guy she chose is from a family of twelve and they have little to no money.

Then there's me, Y/n, 20 being auctioned away in the hopes that the weekly allowance my family will get for my participation would be enough for my sister's wedding and some other things for my youngest siblings. After me my parents had kids 2 more times, Kyle 14 and then the other set of twins, this time identical Tana and Lane, 10 years old.

My mom works as a nurse and my dad is a retired guard from our region. Money is low so we all have to work, but with 2 siblings out of the house and one waiting to marry, we lost working hands. I sell paintings on commission and I also work at the local bakery to try and make some extra money, but it's not enough to support me, mom and my younger siblings. Which is why I was forced by mom to join the selection, the family of the girl competing gets a weekly allowance for as long as she stays in the game, not to mention the chance of actually being queen.

As names are being drawn on tv I can feel everyone in the room tense as the 34th girl gets called out and it's not me, I had 34 chances and I lost them all, now I get one more, but I hope I'll lose again. I don't want to go, I don't want to meet the prince or be his wife, I'm not meant to be queen, I'm just not.

My breath gets caught in my chest as the host, Lucas, puts his hand back in the bowl of names. My ears are ringing as he read the name and I almost faint seeing my picture there. "You got it, hon, good job!" Mom says and all of my present siblings start to chant my name, happy for me. I can barely hear them though, so I get up with tears in my eyes, brushing everyone off, walking out, out of the room, out of the house.

My bare feet, touch the sharp gravel, but I can't give into the pain, all I know is I need to run, run for now, or at least until tomorrow when the people from the palace will be at my door to package me up and send me to their prince. Staring out into the midnight sky, I could see everything I had being ripped apart, I didn't have much, but I had enough. Dropping to the ground and letting the cold grass soak my thin cotton dress, I close my eyes, scared to death about the outcome of what I had just gotten myself into.

The next time I open my eyes, two guards from the royal guard stand in my door and my mom hands me a bag I didn't pack, pushing me out the door. I take one last look back at the people I'm leaving behind and I tell myself I have to at least make it a few weeks, so that my sister could use the money for her wedding, then I'd come back and move to a richer part of the country, where I wouldn't be able to ever see my family. Those are the rules, after you get into the game, when you live you have a higher status and income so they move you and you can no longer interact with your past the way you used to.

Watching my step getting out of the car that took me from the airport to here, I take in the palace, with it's high towers and beautiful architecture. People are outside, forming a pathway for us to walk as they chant different names of other girls who also got selected. I am so out my element here, the dress my mom picked for me was too tight and itchy, the high heel shoes hurt my feet and my hands were sweating too much. "Here it goes!" I say under my breath stepping forward and into the unknown building. The inside even more beautiful than I could describe, high ceilings with crystal chandeliers, gold accents and mahogany furniture, underneath my heels white marble floors.

"Ladies! Welcome, I am Silvia and I'll be you're etiquette advisor and teacher, I'll also be your voice here, anything you need, you ask me and I'll make it happen if it within my powers. You will now be less to yours rooms where you will meet your maids, they will help you with hair, make up and clothes and anything else you might need. Dinner will be served in your rooms tonight and breakfast is at 7 am tomorrow, after breakfast you will each get to talk with the prince and get to know him. I've left some pages on your beds with instructions about tomorrow as well as the schedule of our classes. Good evening going forward!" The tall blonde woman left our sight walking gracefully in her long gown. I wonder if I'll ever be like her? Back so straight, shoulders so strong, hair so put together, make up so natural yet so beautiful, voice so clear, everything about her spoke volumes on everything I was not. I don't know how they expect me to last a day here.

In my room, I stand and wonder how can a place for one person be the size of my home which currently houses 7, now that two of my siblings had moved out. "Lady Y/n!" Two petite women curtesy in front of me, they look like sisters, about the same age as me, but one of them looks a bit older. "Just Y/n" I lick my lips fiddling with my fingers. The older one nods, smiling. "A-and you are?" They seem confused by my question. "Your maids lady!" The other one explains in a sweet voice.

"Yes no, I know, I meant, your names, what are your names?" I ask again hoping I'm not making them uncomfortable. "I'm Jules and she's my older sister Jane, we're very happy and honored to meet you, lady Y/n" I nod, smiling as well, as they start pacing around the room fixing things up. My eyes watch them move, mesmerized by how synchronized they are. "Can you stand and turn around lady Y/n? We have the water running in the tub, so you can take a bath."

I stand and turn so that Jules could undo my dress, then sliding my arms through the silk robe. "Just Y/n please!" I ask again, all these official things making me uncomfortable. "Lady Y/n, if I may-" I open my mouth to correct Jane, but she puts her hand up stopping me. "You are now a lady, his majesty will refer to you as such and you have to keep to these titles, at least until you get to know him better." I nod at her kind advice and follow her into the bathroom, where she helps me step into the tub, taking my robe away and checking the water temperature one last time. "Well relax lady Y/n, when you're ready, call for us and we will get you ready for bed."

Before she leaves me to my own, I dare to ask her one more thing. "Jane, is he nice?" I ask, this being the first time I actually my curiosity about the prince, spiked ever since I was selected. Jane gives me a soft smile, fixing the creases on her apron. "That's for you to decide lady Y/n, but his majesty, prince Austin has always been well liked by the staff." She leaves before I get to asks anything more and I take that as her polite way of saying that's how much she's allowed to say.

The bed here is so much softer than the one at home, the one I uncomfortably share with my twin sisters. The sheets are so soft and silky, it feels like I could turn to fast and fly off the bed. Jules and Jane left shortly after, brushing my hair back and helping me into my silk night gown. Even in this big room, air feels compressed and I want to walk, so I find myself putting on my slippers , taking a moment to look at them, I've never had slippers before. I the dark of the room I make out the location of the door and I turn the knob slowly, trying to make no sound.

I feel a cool breeze brushing my bare legs and I follow it thinking this could be the way to find a door leading outside. Only thing stopping me are the two guards standing in front of it. "Miss are you lost?" One of them asks, making me blush, finally so aware of the fact that I left my room wearing only my thin silky night gown. "N-no, I was wondering how to get to the garden." I say hoping my voice didn't sound too shaky. "No can do miss, you need to get back to your room." The guard tells me, his eyes staring straight ahead. "Please, I, I just need a moment." I beg, taking a step closer and that's when they both move their eyes to look at me, their mean stares making me shiver. "Not allowed, back to your room miss!" The other guard speaks.

Suddenly another set of steps are heard and the guards stand straighter. I don't dare to make a move and look at who it might be. "Your majesty!" They say in unison and the blood freezes in my veins. I've never heard him speak before, his voice sounds so clear, a bit raspy, but still sweet, like warm honey. "Lay her be!"

"Your majesty, we can't-" the guard protests. "I said let her be, open the doors!" They do as he says and I don't wait to walk out, the cold air hitting my warm skin leaving goosebumps. "Stay 5 minutes, then back to your room, if you won't go willingly they have my permission to drag you there." I stop and without turning around I say. "Thank you, your majesty!" My voice sounding like it's under water.

I didn't stay too long after I heard him walk away, running back to my room almost immediately after. Sleep came to me easily after that, but I still felt restless now as Jane brushed my hair into a braid. They put me into a floor length light green dress, with beautiful lace details all around the corset. I looked like a princess this morning when I looked at myself in the mirror and I couldn't believe it and then for just a moment too long I had questioned why I pushed this competition away so vehemently. That last thought however got send back to the depth of my mind and I was now patiently waiting for my turn with the prince, tormented by the wonder of whether he would recognize me from last night or not. 

At last my turn comes and I get up from my seat, fixing my dress as I walk with my head down toward the table where he awaits for me. Sitting down, I still keep my eyes on the ground scared to look at him, feeling my heart thudding against my corset concealed chest. "Y/n? Right? Pleased to meat you, I do hope you're feeling better." His voice comes out first, breaking the silence and making me finally look at him. I had seen him on tv, but the screen did him no justice, the blue in his eyes is so electric, the gold in his hair, is so endearing, my fingers itched with the wish to have a feel at it, his pink lips look so soft and warm. Everything about him is inviting and the way he seats in his chair, leaned back with his legs crossed, his chin in his hand, makes him look so young and careless, which he is, being only 22 and a prince. 

"Yes, your majesty, I'm quite well, thank you!" I blush deeply, my hands clutching the material of my dress in a stupid attempt to calm my nerves. Austin's eyes move to my hands and back to my face, a concerned look painting on his god like face. "Are you all right? Lady Y/n?" He asks, changing his position in the chair, leaning towards me. "If you're not feeling well, I can have for the doctor to come and see you later Lady Y/n." He says in a whisper. The word doctor makes me immediately let go of my dress and smooth down the creases, breathing deeply. "I am fine your majesty, it's all nerves." 

Austin hums and I expect him to go back to his previous sitting position, but he doesn't, he actually leans a bit closer if that were possible. I can now smell his woodsy cologne and a warm fuzzy feeling takes over my body. "You don't need to be nervous, I'm just a boy, just as you are just a girl-".

"But you're not" I find myself rudely interrupting him. "You're going to be king some day and 35 women were randomly chosen to come here and allow you to peruse them. 35 is a strangely small number compared to all the women out there that could be potentially way better for you than any of us."

"Then why come here? Why put your name in the ballot in the first place?" He asks and I can't read if he's been offended by what I said or not. "Your majesty, I apologize!" I look away from him and I can't help but notice that the other girls are all watching us, just like I had watched the previous ones when they were up here. I can only imagine they are analyzing if he likes me better or not. 

"Don't apologize, keep talking, I feel you have a point." Austin urges me and I bite my tongue. "Lady Y/n, my situation is unique, but I have no choice, it does not matter if the love of my life is someone outside these walls, I am not allowed to meet them. So please keep talking!" I feel sad for him, it's clear he's thought the same thing as me, what if his one true love is not one of us, but he's obligated to choose one of us either way. 

"My favorite book, "Withering highlights" the protagonists were not allowed to love each other but they did and the impossibility of being together killed them, had they not ever met, they would've been able to love someone else and live. I think what I said is quite wrong your majesty, maybe neither of us will be the love of your life, but with time you might find someone among us, that you could learn to love and survive." 

Austin opens his mouth to say something, but he doesn't get the chance, since it's announced that our time is up and I must go in order for the next girl to come. I get up breathless and do a very bad curtesy. 

The rest of the day I can't help but feel like I'm sitting on egg shells, I knew I had let my stupid mouth speak before I gave to much thought, but something about him made me feel like I could speak my heart. Jane brushes my hair, as Jules arranges things around the room,  taking the pillows off the bed and putting in place the last things for me to go to bed. 

A knock on my door makes Jane jump as she brushes my hair and Jules goes to open the door. "Your majesty!" I hear Jules say and so I turn to see him, in all his glory, wearing the same dark brown suit from breakfast, only he's discarded the jacket and the tie, a few of the buttons from his shirt being undone and revealing some of his chest, the sleeves are rolled up and this look suits him much better than the previous. Realizing I was just sitting and staring, I quickly get up and curtesy. "Your majesty!" 

"How would you like a stroll out in the gardens, Lady Y/n?" Austin's voice is calm and my ears are ringing, so I barely make out what he's saying, but I nod. "Yes, um Jules, my robe please!" I say, remembering I'm just wearing my night gown, which was very inappropriate. "Lady Y/n!" Austin extends his hand and I walk the few steps over to him, putting my significantly smaller arm around his. 

He takes the lead and walks us out of my room and to the gardens. My thoughts are racing, I'm not stupid I know he could have every advantage right now to try and make an inappropriate move onto me, but he doesn't seem like that kind of guy, but how does that kind of guy look anyway. 

"You're awfully quiet." He says as we walk through the dimly lit gardens. "I was waiting on you your majesty." He stops and turns to look at me. "Why so?" Austin asks blinking. I simply shrug my shoulders. 

He sighs and licks his lips, walking further into the gardens without another word. The whole situation is rather spooky and I can't help the anxiety building up inside me. Soon we get to a table, decorated with candles and flowers, steaming cups of tea resting on it. "I thought we might enjoy some hot tea, it's a bit chilly out." He pulls my chair out for me and I sit down hesitant. 

"Tell me more about you, your favorite book is "Withering highlights", what else do you like?" It takes me a moment to realize that he is being serious I can't stop the giggle that comes out. Confusion is once again shown on his face, but this time is accompanied by something else, the corner of his mouth slightly pointing up, he's amused too. "You really want to know?" 

"Well I must find a wife somehow." The breath gets knocked out of me by his statement, for a split second I had forgotten why I was here, to play in the game of selection. 

"I like to bake and knit, I make clothes for my siblings all the time, but by far my favorite thing is painting, there's something so strange about being able to use my own hands to capture a moment I time li you would a picture." He looks at me as I talk and something in his demeanor tells me he's actually interested. 

"Picture, I, well I don't paint, but I do enjoy photography." He admits, his eyes glimmering with excitement. "Really? And what do you find best to photograph? Objects, humans or nature?" I ask, Austin blushing slightly. "All, I can't say I'm that good, I don't have enough time to dedicate to the hobby, but I enjoy it." 

"I don't believe that you must show me one day, any kind of art is good art. I don't have any of my paintings here, but perhaps if I got the supplies I could paint you something!" I propose, trading the experience of showing off our works of art. "Perhaps one day." Austin says absentmindedly, clearing his throat before getting up. "It's late, I should escort you back to your room!" He says hastily. 

I don't bring up how neither of us even touched the tea or what a short time had passed since we got here, the tea still steaming in the cups. Something about him has changed, he's much colder, stiffer if you may. No more words are exchanged between us, except the good night he rapidly wishes me, before walking away.

I'm left confused and with another feeling stuck in my heart, because for a moment there I actually let myself go and I got happy? Maybe, I don't know. 

Sleep came to me very difficult and when I woke up this morning I had a headache, I didn't want to see or talk to anyone. As Jules is complaining that I had tangled my hair so bad in my sleep another knock is heard and my heart stopped. Is this hope I'm feeling? Hope that is Austin? 

"Lady Y/n, a package for you!" Jane announces. 

I get up taking the note from her hand, looking at the huge box that bigger than her. I open the small envelope and the first thing I notice is the very clean and neat handwriting. 

 <Lady Y/n,

I hope you will forgive me for leaving so hastily as I did last night, but I figured that our encounter wasn't quiet up to etiquette and in fear of damaging you or me, I thought it better continue some other time. Please forgive me and accept this gift, I hope you'll have a painting to show me soon enough

A.B>

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#playing for keeps series #austin butler #austin butler x reader #austin butler fic #austin butler fanfiction #austin #austin butler love #austin butler fluff #austin butler imagine #austin butler fanfic #austin butler fans #austin butler x you #austin butler x fem!reader #austin butler fandom #the selection series #the selection

[nildespirandum]

Thank you to everyone who has been patient during dry spell, and who has continued to send well wishes and kind thoughts. I cannot tell what it has meant to me.

Story is 18+ only

Tags found on AO3.

The cold hallways of Skadi’s great fortress, where it stood as guardian between the realms of the living and the dead, were predictably stark and massive, all hewn from meteoric rock by a combination of the crude strength of giants and draugr and the magicks of Hel. While nothing to the splendor of Asgard’s palace, or outhouses if it came to that, Loki silently admitted that there was a rough grandeur to both its scale and the gleaming texture of the stone which, along with a few floating orbs of glowing ice to give light, were as close as there came to anything hinting at decor.

No doubt Skadi considered interior design beneath contempt, which was just as well for Loki was certain her taste would leave everything to be desired.

Leaving his cell had been insultingly easy. No guards stood outside of it nor was any elaborate spell or clever cantrip used to keep him within. Loki had touched the blank side of the lock’s hasp on the interior with the tip of a black claw, scraping it in circles to cause the lock to pick itself. The spell was one that he had created in his youth when he and Thor were oft times sent to their rooms to ruminate on their misbehaviors.

As if Loki were ever inclined to guilt or Thor to thought.

Loki peeked out, as did Nora. She no longer even came to his shoulder, so she stood under his arm.  They each looked up the hall and back, and then at each other.  With her head tipped back, Nora’s throat was rather appealingly displayed to him, making him wonder how hard he could bite the side of it with his fangs before it would cause her the unpleasant sort of pain…  And could he make her enjoy even that….? 

And could he…?

Closing his eyes to take a moment to gather his thoughts from where they had sunk, Loki realized that not only had the transformation to this primitive Frost Giant form done wonders for his poor, wounded cock, additionally it had woken in him the Jotun enthusiasm for mortal flesh.  Combined with his own - and here he beat back the word that wanted to come to the forefront of his mind - fascination with Nora, it would make for a dangerous distraction.

“Are we going to go for it or…?”  Nora was still looking at him, brows raised, soft mouth wet and ever so slightly open.

“I don’t know that this is the time or the place,” Loki said, trying to sound unwilling though he knew his tone was more smarmy than disinterested.

“I mean, should we go, you big weirdo.  I know some people are turned on by dungeons but they probably aren’t literal dungeons.”  She frowned slightly.  “Though it wouldn’t be an option for most people back home, even if they were into literal, actual dungeons.  In which case I’m not sure-”

He could tell that her nerves were getting to her and that she would go on like that indefinitely if not stopped.  Carefully, he did not quite touch her lips with one of his newly grown black talons, since he was unsure how sharp they were, and nodded.  

“Right, yes.  We should get on with it, then.” 

Also, wrong. For in his case, literal dungeons seemed to be a turn-on, presuming Loki was interpreting that human expression correctly.  He’d certainly spent enough time in them to develop not a fetish or rather, at least a lack of squeamishness about what was appropriate or even enticing to do within one.  

He held the cell door open, allowing Nora to slip under his arm, and then carefully shut it.  Despite that care, the metal on metal on wood of it seemed to ring out like a carillon in the still and silence. 

Peering within each cell as they passed proved that they all were as empty as the hallway.  At its end nearest to the metal gate that separated them from the stairway up and out there was a massive lock-up that looked as if it were designed to hold dozens.  

Within was the only other prisoner they had seen, who seemed to be asleep or unconscious beneath a pile of furs in a back corner.

Nora pointed towards the pile, then made a gesture towards the lock on the cell door.  

Absolutely not, Loki thought, walking on.

Her now so tiny hand hooked around his wrist, as her fingers could no longer come close to closing on it, and pulled.  Where before her touch had been warm now it burned.  Burned through tough, blue skin, through muscle, to bone, where it seemed to ignite his marrow, lashing him with fire on the deepest level possible.  

He was wonderstruck how much he craved the pain, the ache.  Wanted to know how if her cold little hand caused that much fire what might her mouth do?  Or Bor help him, the sure venomous wet between her lips, between her legs. 

Turn him into a pile of tumescent ash, Loki rather suspected.  

“The enemy of my enemy is my friend, right?” Nora whispered.  

“As someone with far more enemies than is the average, I can assure you otherwise,” he whispered back, leaning down close to her ear, trying not to sniff her skin.  Even when blue and bedecked with horns a prince should keep a little of his dignity.  

“Still, Skadi is… her people are…” Nora stopped and looked down at her dress and frowned.  “They aren’t very respectful of their prisoner’s persons.  It would feel shitty to leave someone here.”

Her voice was less than steady, less than Nora.

Not liking to consider what that might mean, Loki tucked her tone away for later questions when they were free. “That may be so, but she wards the borderlands between the living and the dead and trust me, there are plenty of true criminals, necromancers, graverobbers, and multiple fashions of the ambulatory dead that she has good reason to hold imprisoned.  Also,” he added, “this is not a prison break, it is more in line of espionage, which means the fewer involved the safer.”

“If someone is being held here at least it would be more of a distraction for the guards to be chasing them and us,” she countered, sounding more like herself.

“That never really works the way one thinks it will.  Besides which, don’t think I don’t know that you simply want to release whoever it is for a bit of revenge on Skadi and her hamfisted chambermaids.”

“And you, of all people, have a problem with that?”

“On the contrary, in more typical circumstances I would be all for it, but we are on a mission, as you might recall.”

“Normal circumstances?  What normal circumstances would… never mind, I just remembered who I am talking to, which considering the current state of both of us doesn’t say good things about my sense of reality.”

That was, Loki thought, feeling the weight of his horned brow and again noting her sartorially created cleavage, an understatement.

“Plus, I’m not sure I wish to be rescued by such noisy people,” came a voice that most kindly might be described as sepulchral from the pile of furs, which shifted about and then fell off the figure that rose from beneath them, stretching tall enough that skeletal fingers scraped the ceiling. “What good would come of it, if I were to then be talked to incessantly?”  Dark, blue-skinned, and of a size of an Asgardian, with glowing green eyes, and a decidedly undead thinness draped in a shroud rather than a shift, it took Loki a moment to recognise the woman for what she was.  

“Disir…” he let the word trail away, sliding his foot to the right and shifting his shoulders so his vast body was between her and Nora, though he trusted Skadi would not hold such a creature in her fortress were she not sure of being able to keep it contained.

“One of,” she nodded, “Hlökk.”  She moved towards the front of the cell, her motions quick yet stiff, as if from the cold.  Rather, he knew, it was from her muscles being desiccated, her sinews dust, her entire self animated by will and spite rather than life.  With a final, swift jerking motion she stood all but resting against the cold iron bars.  Close enough that her papery blue flesh began to wither from its influence.  Standing effortlessly on the tips of her toes, she peered into his face, a smile of cracked teeth and parched lips flashed, and then retreated.  

“I have not seen a Jotun of your type since I was a young girl newly in the service of Bor, and they were ancient and few then.  Those last died upon my sister’s spears, or so was thought.  But you,” she, without Loki’s scruples, took a deep, sniffing breath, leaning her head back and opening the corrupt cavern of her mouth like a cat to taste the smell of them upon the air.  

“You look of Jotunheim yet smell of Asgard, giant.  Or is that her?”  Quicker than he could see Hlökk stepped twice to the right so she could aim her nose towards Nora.  “No,” the Disir dismissed.  “Mortal. Full of death and decay. But you, you are-”

The Aesir had few enemies that they feared, for to die in battle against a worthy foe was their greatest good.  The cannibalistic, ever-dying, never-dead Disir, cursed by Bor to crave the flesh of those they formerly served, were at the top of a very short list.  Though only a handful in number, stories of their enormities and disgusting habits had been used to keep naughty Asgardian children from creeping from bed late at night for eons.

Naughty Asgardian children other than himself, of course.  The boogeyman or haint had not been born that could have kept young Loki from wandering the halls and secret rooms of the palace under cover of friendly dark.    

“Keep your nose to yourself, Disir, this is one god you will not gorge upon.  Come along,” he then said to Nora, gesturing towards the stairwell.  She frowned and seemed inclined to argue when the Disir ran her long, dehydrated tongue over her lips.

A sound like dried leaves being blown across stone.

“Aesir and Jotun flesh as one.  A delicacy untried by me or any sister of mine….”

“Right,” Loki knew there were bars and his magic between the Disir and his becoming her supper and he did not care.  Lifting Nora’s little self into his arms, he ignored her protests and took three long strides when behind them the Cursed One whispered.

“The Bók Lífs og Dauða .”

“Wait,” Nora said.

Loki took another step.

“What else might Odin’s Trickster changeling want in the hall of his most implacable enemy?”  The words were spoke soft and thoughtful as were, “How helpful might it be for one to know just where the Giantess kept such a treasure.”

Loki whirled about, stalked back to the cell, realized he was still holding Nora who was now within reach of the Disir should it choose to reach its spindly, iron-muscled arm through the bars, and quickly put her down and placed himself back between them.  He realized it was a false gallantry since he was what the nasty thing was interested in getting her teeth into.

“Let me guess, you know where the Book is, and in return for your freedom you will tell me where to find it?”

Nodding, glowing green eyes managing to look amused, the Disir said, “And you give me one of your toes.  I am well past starved.”

“Absolutely not!”

“What the fuck?”

Loki and Nora’s protests tangled together.

The Disir leaned against the bars of the cell, picking at her gray and broken nails, “Ragnarok is coming early season.  I would think one little piggy would be small enough payment to put the Twilight of the Gods off by a few hundred millennia or more, Odinson.  Your father’s favor would be the least of your rewards for such an act.”

He looked down at Nora, who spoke in a quick whisper.  “Do you know who she is?  What is she talking about?  Why does she want one of your toes?  What the hell is wrong with everyone in space?”

It was a good question.

He had a better one, for the Disir, “Why should I trust you?”

The Disir spoke, this time in Ancient Asgardian rather than the All-tongue, so Nora could not understand.

“Trust is for naifs and babes, I shall give you my Word of Bond upon mine and my sister's unlives.  Take it, Trickster, or walk your little mortal through the endless halls of Elvidner until she freezes or you are caught and she is dragged to Skadi’s bed to die serving there, and you back to the witless brutality of this pit, that shall end in your skinned body being hung from the battlements.”

With a sigh, Loki answered back in the same language, “Well, if you put it that way, I suppose I’ll still have nine more.”  He reached towards the lock and then halted, “I choose which one I give up.”

The Disir inclined her head.  Graciously.

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#loki fanfic #loki au #tags on ao3 #loki #love is hel #loki fic #tom hiddleston

[satureja13]

Jack eventually convinced the others to send him back to the Therapy Game. And even though Vlad had a (mostly) positive experience, they are so worried after Jack broke down when he returned from his last session.

Saiwa: "Be careful. Leave whenever you feel uncomfortable." Jack: "I will." Tiny Can beeped exitedly and started the Game.

Jack was still locked up. But he kept himself from screaming 'OUT!' and tried to get himself together. This. Is. Just. A. Game. Breathe in through the nose and out through the muzzle. Just like Saiwa tought him. He managed to calm down a bit and looked around. There was NPC Barfolomew! And NPC Uncle Stefan on the stands! What a strange place. Is this a court hearing? They won't execute him, will they?

NPC Barfolomew stood up: "Are you ready Boys?" A growl and a rattle from the cell next to Jack answered him ö.Ö' There is another wolf captured here. And from the stand Jack heard the crowd chant: "Wolfsbane! Wolfsbane! WOLFSBANE!!!" Just like last time. Barfolomew is obviously the bookmaker here.

He opened their cells (finally!) and they stepped out. Jack looked around. Of course there is also an NPC Greg! He is so going to have a word with Tiny Can when he's back! At least there's no gallow or pyre.

The Queen hissed: "Who is this pooch and why isn't he greeting his Queen?" Barfolomew: "Forgive him, Your Royal Highness! He probably grew up in the woods!"

And to Jack: "Hey, Moonchild! Get yourself together!" And so Wolfsbane and Moonchild greeted the Queen and her entourage.

Which consisted of no lesser than Noxee, Ji Ho and: Caleb! OMG! (The Boys met Caleb Vatore last Winter Solstice ^^') Even though Jack knows that these are only NPCs, he's so excited. Noxee! And Caleb! He already regrets that he left the game early last time. And Ji Ho looks so beautiful!

Barfolomew went back to his table. Jack Moonchild and Wolfsbane stood opposite of each other. So these are wolf fights! Barfolomew shouted: "The bets are placed. Leeet's get ready to rrrumble!" And the crowd cheered and chanted their 'Wolfsbane!' fan chants...

Wolfsbane hugged Jack Moonchild and whispered: "Don't worry, I'll go easy on you!"

Caleb does not seem to like what he sees.

Despite Wolfsbane's promise, it was a rough fight. But Jack Moonchild enjoyed it. He loves a good fight - and he's the Super Soldier after all :3

Neither is giving anything away. Caleb's eyes are locked on the combatants.

'Well, in the Euston Tavern you screamed it was your shout But they wouldn't give you service so you kicked the windows out They took you out into the street, kicked you in the brains So you walked back in through a bolted door and did it all again

At the sick bed of Cúchulainn we'll kneel and say a prayer And the ghosts are rattling at the door and the devil's in the chair, hey'

The Sick Bed of Cuchulainn - The Pogues I can't keep still when I hear this song! ^^'

It was an equal fight but Jack Moonchild won in the end. And Caleb looks shocked. It seems he placed his bets on Wolfsbane.

The Queen stepped down to congratulate Moonchild and extolled them for the enthralling fight. His beloved, beautiful Noxee. Best therapy ever! In this world he is not the damaged, mangled wolf with a bag full of disorders. Here he can show his talents and gather positive experiences in a safe surrounding. Good job, Tiny Can! And maybe, in this game, Noxee is not together with Greg and Jack can woo her and become her King! If Greg were her King, he would sit next to her, wouldn't he? Poor defeated Wolfsbane can't look pouting Caleb in his sulking eyes.

To be continued...

From the Beginning  ~  Underwater Love ~  Latest 🕹️ 'Therapy Game' from the beginning ▶️ here 📚 Previous Chapters: Chapters: 1-6 ~ 7-12 ~ 13-16 ~ 17-22 ~ 23-28

#The One Game #underwater love #The Game #jack callahan #the one #Jack's Therapy Game #barfolomew #windenburg #windslar #The Arena #noxeema jackson #woo ji ho #caleb vatore #lou howell #sims 4 story #simlit #simblr #ts4 #sims 4 #sims 4 vanilla #sims storytelling #the sims #sims #tell us your stories

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hiiiiiii!!!!!

I hope that you are doing mighty well! 😊

Stopping by to ask for any lonnnnggg.... Slow burns. You know, where it's chapter 10 or 15 and they are barely holding hands or brushing hair outta ones face.

Preferably one where John is the assertive one and Sherlock is the shy one. It would be toast if you have anything where Sherlock tries hard to fit in and to be loved but is so awkward no one likes him. To John though, he is perfect and loveable. So then John tries hard to treat him right and show him what it's like to have someone truly love him. 😊

Thanks a million!!!! You truly are a gem! 🌻 Take care and be well always. 💚

Hi Lovely!!!

AHHHHHHH Let me direct you to my Slow Burn Fics Masterlist, but I've a few new SUPER slow burn fics to make a list for you. Check these out! Feel free to add your own, friends!

BURN SO SLOW IT HURTS Pt. 2

See also: Burn So Slow it Hurts

How To Unfold a Heart by elwinglyre (E, 25,477 w., 7 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It, BAMF John, Mentioned Eurus, POV First Person Sherlock, Case Fic, Fluff, Slow Burn Topping from the Bottom, 3 Yr Old Rosie, Introspection, Sexual Fantasies, John Worship, Ogling, Hand Holding, Kidnapping, Domesticity, Sherlock Whump, First Kiss/Time, Doctor John, Caring John, Soft Sherlock, Sensuality, Touching, Crying, Love Confessions, Anxious Sherlock, Rimming, Toplock, Fingering, Bossy Bottom John) – To Sherlock’s dismay, John’s return to Baker Street with Rosie is only temporary. Sherlock’s daily visits to Regent Park with John and Rosie illuminate his lost childhood memories and missed opportunities. But with each trip to the park, Sherlock also feels a growing sense of hope. That is until the past horrors return unexpectedly in a cryptic note folded in the shape of a heart. To decipher the message, Sherlock must uncover the nature of the hearts around him, including his own.

The Hollow Woman by ScopesMonkey (M, 51,335 w., 22 Ch. || Post-TRF, Major Character Death, Mystery, Romance, Friendship, Family, Angst, Crime, Reunion, First Kiss / Time, Nightmares, Doctor John, Jealous Sherlock, Jealous John, BAMF John, Angry John, Dub-Con, Rough Sex, Bottomlock, Possessive John, Villain Mary, Open Ending) – Forced to return to London sooner than expected, Sherlock falls into a case too close to home. Part 1 of the Hollowverse series

Swallow the Night by ArwaMachine (E, 87,873 w., 15 Ch. || TSo3/Stag Night Fix It, TAB/S4 Divergence, Toplock, Mutual Pining, PWP, Drunk / Public Sex, Anal Fingering/Sex, Alcohol-Induced Amnesia, Everyone Knows Except Them, Emotional Love Confession, Demisexual Sherlock, Internalized Homophobia [John], Parentlock with Rosie, First Kiss, Drug Relapse, Infidelity, Texting, Masturbation, Oblivious John, Emotional Love Making, Angst with Happy Ending, Dreams and Nightmares) – “Do you know how long,” John panted, his cheek scraping against the wall, looking back at Sherlock through half-closed eyes, “I’ve wanted this?” Sherlock pressed himself against John’s back, biting at John’s ear. “Not nearly as long as I have,” he whispered.

Bakers with Benefits by Raina_at (E, 88,130 w., 14 Ch. || Great British Bake Off AU || Strangers to Lovers, Switchlock, Friends with Benefits, Mentions of Alcoholism / Past Drug Use, Banter, Flirting, Fluff, Light Angst, Semi-Public Sex, Past Sherlock/Victor, Mutual Pining, POV Sherlock, Obsessive Sherlock, John’s Bum) – Sherlock Holmes has a successful YouTube baking channel, but what he really wants is his own bakery. When an old friend sends him a call for the very first Great British Bake Off, he seizes the opportunity to finally win a sponsor for his bakery. Here's the plan: Win Bake Off, get the bakery, don't fall in love with the handsome Army doctor at the neighbouring station. Easy.

Drawn to Stars by Silvergirl (E, 109,272 w., 60 Ch. || S4 Compliant to TLD / TFP Doesn’t Exist, Sherlock’s Italian Adventure, Sherlock/OC and Johnlock, Jealous John, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, First Kiss/Time, Idiots in Love, 3 Part Story, Slow Burn, Inexperienced Sherlock, Bottom Sherlock, Introspection, Alternating First and Third Person POV, Separation and Reconciliation, Emotional Love Making, Love Confessions via Letters, Angst with Happy Ending) – After the Culverton Smith case Sherlock is clean, working, and looking for a romantic partner—since John has told him that’s what he needs. Shame John didn’t mention he was interested in that role himself, before Sherlock went off to Rome with a gorgeous Italian copper to try to fall in love and become a complete human being.  Part 1 of the Drawn to Stars series

Against the Rest of the World by SilentAuror (E, 151,714 w., 20 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Hiatus Fic, POV First Person Sherlock, Present Tense, First Kiss/Time, Big Brother Mycroft, Escaping from Capture, Soft Sherlock, Toplock, Insecurity, Infidelity, Travelling, Introspection, Pining Sherlock, Depression, Fantasies, Yearning for the Past, PTSD Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation) – Sherlock has been away from London for nine hundred and twelve days and counting, and has no idea what sort of reception to expect when he finally returns. 

#steph replies #johnlock fic recs #burn so slow it hurts #slow burn fics #my fic recs

[flowering-thought]

「 III 」

Two souls bound together by blood, tied to others who aim for something to soothe their own greed.

And a twisted fate that leads them down the same path, the two paths merging and leading to the final chapter.

But they say something as insignificant as someone stepping on that path for a fleeting moment can start a new chapter.

Laide and Sofiane, are the names of two brothers born on the same day a year apart.

Laide, the eldest, is a kind soul who after an accident becomes mute, too afraid to talk except for a few words to his younger brother. Could be described as a scardy-cat despite his tall and muscular frame. Has long dark brown hair since he hates having his hair cut. His hair often framed his face nicely.

Sofiane, the youngest, is a bit tougher and more protective, especially regarding his older brother. He's not as muscular as his brother but just as tall. Has a meaner-looking face and a scar on his jaw that stretches to his cheek. Actually has a mullet instead of keeping his hair too long like his brother.

The eldest is 23 and the youngest follows at 22. While they both love each other, they were abandoned by their guardians who were supposed to take care of them after their parents passed, the inheritance their parents left stolen from them when they had both started highschool.

Sofiane had skipped a grade when he was younger so he and his brother usually ended up in the same class. And that was how he grew more aggressive toward those who would be mean or bully his brother.

He wasn't afraid to take on a role of protection and was smart enough to not get caught if he got into fights or maybe blackmailed someone that was being too extreme in their bullying.

But because of their lack of decent guardians, Laide and Sofiane were often on the streets, wandering from time to time, and couldn't attend college due to struggling with funding.

If only they could have gotten their inheritance back they could at least use some for funding their schooling and the rest towards rent but with the way things were going it was causing the both of them to spiral.

Laide would occasionally find Sofiane roughed up and would softly patch him up in the confines of their tiny studio apartment in a dingy part of town. And in those moments Laide would tear up and apologize to his brother.

"I'm sorry...I'm not good at protecting you." He would mumble, his voice soft from hardly speaking, only saying a few things occasionally, and used a notepad most of the time with strangers or others he interacted with. But he tries his best to speak with Sofiane.

And Sofiane hated when his brother apologized because his brother felt guilty for not fighting back against their former guardians to keep themselves in a safer environment. He knew Laide blamed himself for how they ended up.

So Sofiane would bring out a chess set, the only thing they had left of their parents with them and they'd play a game of chess when things were rough.

But Sofiane was the one who started to break down first. The struggle to keep rent and wishing that he could just get his hands on a decent job so he could save up to get enough money for tuition and then finally get himself and his brother out of poverty.

His thoughts would spiral and soon his brother would follow.

One day Sofiane suggested to Laide they go on a walk.

Laide agreed and they both walked side by side, out of the neighborhood, into several different parts. They walked for what felt like hours until they reached a lovely bridge and the low tide making small splashes against the canal walls.

And in a soft tone, Sofiane spoke up, "Do you think maybe we could be born again?" He asked, leaning against the stone bridge as he gazed down at the dark water.

Laide knew then and there what his brother was insinuating and leaned next to him, their shoulders touching and their breath visible in the cold autumn air.

"I think we could see them one more time." He started, trailing off as he gazed down at the waters below, "But if we are, I'll always want to be your brother again." He stated.

It was a silent promise between the two but before either could try to initiate the act they were going to do together, a person's voice spoke up nervously, "W-wait!!".

They both looked startled as their heads turned so fast they nearly got whiplash. And there you stood, a thin robe and a pair of slippers slipped on your feet but half of your heel was sticking out as you slipped on two mismatched slippers of different colors and shapes.

"Um. Sorry! I uh... just you two look like you could really use a warm drink!" She stammered out, clearly eyeing the bridge and both of their hands on the bridge.

Sofiane at first thought this was some sort of weird human trafficking. No way was someone reaching out to suicidal strangers for the fuck of it.

But Laide nodded, Sofiane nearly dragged him back but the hopeful look in his brothers' eyes stopped him and so he nodded as well.

He observed everything, noticing that your house was right next to the bridge, the opposite way they came. And you opened up your door and showed them to the couch.

Sofiane watched as you went to the open kitchen and pull out a small pot, turning on the stove. Honestly, he was confused, and so was his brother who also watched you with interest.

"You can come watch if you want. You both are pretty tall for my small kitchen but the smell will be super nice in a minute." You said, your voice loud enough to reach into the living room.

The brothers looked at each other before shuffling into the kitchen, sofiane wanted to watch out of a mixture of curiosity and to make sure you weren't putting anything weird into the drink.

And Laide just was purely curious, his eyebrows slightly raised and eyes watching intently as he and his brother stood hunched over you in the kitchen.

You had a cabinet in front of the stove, one that you added to the house to keep all your spices and teas organized. A serving of milk and water were already pulled out beside the stove in their own respective cups

You leaned over to the mortar and pestle that had its spot near next to the kitchen tiled wall, you carefully picked out cinnamon, cardamom, and a bit of pepper and reached out for some ginger.

You stood still for a moment, glancing at the spices before you pulled out some cloves and a bit of nutmeg, finally grinding the spices together and pulling out a tea tin labeled "Assam". You didn't have a lot of black teas that weren't mixed with other things and you preferred earl grey by itself so Assam was the best type of tea leaf to do the job.

After grinding the spices you added some water to the pot, allowing the water to come to a boil before adding the spices. After that started you added the tea leaves, carefully turning down the heat and let the mixture brew.

The brothers watched and felt a sense of peace. The two minutes that passed before you added the milk felt so peaceful. It reminded them of when they still had their parents to go back to and wandering around the kitchen asking their mother when dinner would be ready.

The smell of spices enhanced that feeling and they watched as you pulled out a strainer to let the chai pass through into three mugs.

You had made just enough for all three, shooing them out of the kitchen before you gave them the mugs.

"You can stay the night okay?" You started, looking at both of them with a soft look, "And it's okay to ask for help you know? It's okay to go through rough times and not know how to move forward. But I'm sure if you reach out, there's going to be the right person to listen."

With those words you left them, taking your mug upstairs to your bedroom, always locking the door since leaving strangers in your house was always a risk.

And with that the brothers silently sipped on the warm drink, feeling themselves relax softly against the old couch. And just like that, Sofiane started crying, all the tears he never wept from the difficulties he went through spilling out.

Laide hugged his brother softly, patting his back. And Sofiane knew then and there that he couldn't let the people who stole everything away from them get away with it. He'd go to every lawyer in this city if he had to if it meant he could get someone to listen.

Your words that day impacted them, and after a small nap, they left your home silently.

At the time they didn't have much, but left behind a note of thanks on a notepad left on your coffee table. They wished they could stay, wanting to be wrapped in the warm comfort you brought them all the time. But they knew they had to be better than they were now.

They needed to be better so they could lay the world beneath your feet.

Laide and Sofiane were smart. Sofiane is undoubtedly the smartest of the two and the one who could have gotten a scholarship to cover all the fees if only he and his brother weren't kicked out when they were 16 and 17.

After that, both of them worried too much about how to stay off the streets and keep a roof over their head than school.

Laide had resented their guardians who turned their back on them and took everything. Their childhood home, many of their parents' belongings, and heirlooms were taken and used as leverage. The company their parents left behind was taken as well since the people their parents had trusted to take care of their children in case of something happened would backstab them without even a moment's glance.

Sofiane on the other hand only held rage. Laide had suffered due to their guardians the most, eventually growing to not talk to others because of the abuse. And Sofiane could only watch his talkative and curious older brother grow quiet and nonverbal. And he couldn't even blame him either. Because he himself was terrified of being at the end of their guardians' wrath.

But luckily when Laide would deal with their guardians, Sofiane would copy documents and try to find inconsistencies in certain papers.

But they could never get any adult at the company to listen. Greed talks after all...

Luckily those words you told them that day renewed their spirit, and so they dressed up in the nicest clothes they owned (well, Sofiane did, Laide is buff so finding nice stuff that fits him costs a bit more money that they don't have), and they went to the rich part of the city, tall buildings, and busy people in nice attire.

It was a lot for them but they pushed on, going to some random firm with lawyers hustling about. A dirty-looking file having been protected as best as it could held in the arms of Sofiane who held onto the papers for a time when he actually felt hope for the future.

And after a week, a full week of hounding any lawyer to take a look, anyone who could listen, Laide stepping in if things looked dangerous, his large stature enough to make someone back down, they took a break inside one of the buildings.

Laide was tired and Sofiane was angry. How bad would it be to listen? Why couldn't anyone just listen? But whenever they both thought about giving up your words stayed in the back of their mind.

The soft look in your eyes as you gave them words that would change their views. The smell of spices and the warm chai filled their stomach. Your gentle voice as you gave them words of encouragement. They wished they could be there instead.

They both sat in some fancy chairs until Laide spoke up after being quiet for around two days, "Maybe if we get everything back, we can treat Miss Angel to something nice." He said, his voice low but enough for Sofiane to hear.

They both had started calling you that. Angel was the only term they could think of. And Sofiane knew Laide was mentioning you so he wouldn't give up.

"She saved us of course we will. Getting what belongs to us back is a whole other matter." He grumbled.

Just as Sofiane was thinking about trying another firm, a figure showed up, a smile on their face as they approached the brothers who had mentioned a savior the person was familiar with.

And with a couple of words, the brothers managed to meet with a lawyer and were sponsored by the person.

Sofiane was the one to ask that person why. Why would they help them? Why would they offer them access to their own lawyer?

The person dismissed the lawyer, who was already filing a lawsuit at that moment against the people who had ruined Laide and Sofianes' childhoods.

And in the inside pocket of that person's fancy suit, they pulled out a picture of someone the brothers knew all too well. And in that office building where they would soon gain everything back, they were offered something the brothers could never deny.

And sometimes fate is like that. It lets people meet that would otherwise never come across each other in normal circumstances.

And after the brothers had regained everything, an act of successful revenge taken on those that made them suffer, they would never have to worry about putting a roof over their heads again.

And the company their parents handed down to them? A construction company of all things! The perfect company to own when it comes to building a beautiful manor with several other buildings no? Laide actually designed most of the place, getting input from others about what should go where.

And the brothers' rooms were next to each other, a door connecting their rooms for when they needed a quick way to converse.

And the perfect view of the path you take on your way to work and home. A chess board their father often played with on a table by the window so when it's time to watch you come home they have something to keep their hands busy.

「 The Theophany of Hestia 」

#.the_cult_♡ #yandere oc #yandere oc x reader #yandere x reader #yandere x darling #chubby reader #yandere male #yandere male x reader #yandere x you #male oc #male oc x reader #yandere cult #cult au

[cheesycatz]

WORMTON AU MASTERPOST

"Spamton G. Spamton is just a normal spam program making ends meet by tricking darkners into buying his garbage. At least, that's what he tells a blue addison he accidentally wins over, as well as their friends. He won't fall for their genuine words and pure compassion, though. A salesman and a manipulator are one and the same, and neither can trick the other.

…right?"

AKA: Spamton, but he represents a computer worm as a darkner. He's some sort of 15 foot long fluffy parasitic alien centipede worm creature, and the Sweepstakes worm represents what his species's parasitic hatchlings look like after they slowly consume and kill their host from the inside out. Spamton is the last of his species left after they were exterminated (representing a computer worm being downloaded onto a computer and eventually fought off). He wears a disguise to hide his worm status so that he may interact with the general public without being reported and killed by an antivirus. He doesn't meet the addisons until after the extermination of his species. Hope he doesn't form any emotional attachment that would be severed if they found out what he really was, haha

This AU exists mostly in the form or art and text posts, but I am currently working on a fanfic about Wormton and the addisons, which will start being posted to ao3 once I finish the entire rough draft.

Links below to all: lore, art, question answers, marketable plushies, and fic updates ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️

Lore (art included)

Initial lore post

- The basics. Describes the general characteristics, infection process and behavior of malworms (darkner version computer worms). Also describes the extinction of Spamton's species, his origins, and the setup for his interactions with the addisons.

More malworm biology

- More information on malworm culture/biology and Spamton's specific species (the BIGSHOT malworm). Woah, say that 10 times fast...uh, also more information on the extinction of Spamton's species.

Size comparison and more biology

- A sketch dump showing a size comparison between the addisons and masked/unmasked Spamton. Also features some general sketches of BIGSHOT malworms and some more information on their biology.

Spamton before he met the addisons

- A sketch page + text on some scenes from Spamton's life from before he met the addisons.

General info/designs of malworm genera

- Not much Spamton here. It's just a look at what the other types of malworms might look like.

Art (sometimes a smidgen of lore)

Spamton and the addisons (pre-reveal)

Annoying Mouse Room™ Infinite Food Hack

The Worm Nest

How Wormton's costume works

Pros of not having a spine

Late night worm posting

Q&A

My asks are open, so feel free to ask me any questions about my AU or art in general (within reason, obviously)! I like drawing responses when applicable, so feel free to give me a wormton drawing request and I might consider it.

Asks from Instagram about lore

Can malworm/wormton fanart be made? (Yes pretty please I would love fanart)

Plushies

Why did I make ten spamton worm plushies? I fear that number may increase

My Worm Collection

Spamton Plush Wormton Outfit

Fic Updates

Sometimes I post art and some thoughts about the Wormton AU fic I am working on. I won't be publicly posting it until I finish the rough draft of the entire story. I am maybe halfway? I'm doing my best, but I'm also dealing with life's responsibilities and making other art. I have no idea for a release date yet, but I don't plan on giving up.

Chapters 1-10 are in a first-draft state with no dialogue. Once the entire story has reached this point, I will finish each chapter one by one and post them as I do. As previously mentioned, chapters will be released on ao3 once finished. As of 04/22/24, it is: 102k words long

86k words update

100k words update

Thank you for enjoying my silly little AU, I love reading your tags

#spamton #deltarune #wormton au #cheesycatz text posts

[afreakingdork]

Weak Spot - Chapter 22

RotTMNT Donatello x Reader

Warnings: Aged-up Turtles, Romance, Meet Cute, Villain Donatello, Cussing, Crushes, Xenophobia, Fear, Intimidation, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Hurt/Comfort, Love, AFAB Reader, Vaginal Sex, Sex Rough, Sex, Penis In Vagina Sex, Creampie, Teasing, Scent Kink, Sexual Tension, Breeding Kink, Multiple Orgasms, Cunnilingus, Fellatio, Marathon Sex, Somnophilia, Intercrural Sex

Synopsis:  A love story of villainous proportions! Though it hadn’t come easily, as these things rarely do, you found yourself in a whirlwind romance with a handsome and mysterious mutant. His idiosyncrasies had been easy to ignore as attraction grew into something more. However, will love endure when the unknowns about him end up being far darker than you ever considered?

This chapter is a dedicated to and an homage to @buthowboutno ! All their fics are wonderful, but 'Going Down, Down (In an Earlier Round)' taught me about somnophilia and what a revelation that was!

Also continued obligatory shout-outs to @some-guy-named-dominyk and @amutantturtleenthusiast for again separately giving me chapter important positions!

Fem!Reader References/Warnings Below Cut

Also available on Ao3

First 💜 Previous

Last warning for the 🍋 under the cut. Minors DNI!

Fem!Reader References/Warnings: more intense breast fondling, a few folds in the mix, gotta note a couple clits, at least one cunt, plural pussy calls, and I believe a few labia mentions.

Coming to but refusing the threshold, you dreamily considered restful sleep. It had been a short enough time since and in a rapid enough deterioration that you hadn’t quite hit that point where you realized just how bad your deprivation had gotten. You had been left in the stage prior to that where you were starting to feel the perpetual wear of exhaustion, but it felt more like a gnat buzzing around. It was elusive, in the corner of your eye, and you just needed to hit it for all to be right in the world.

It just so happened that your flyswatter came in the form of a large turtle man.

Speaking of, even though you refused to come fully to, you were definitely in his apartment. It wasn’t just his presence that allowed you a good night’s sleep, but also the caress of those delicious high quality sheets at your cheek. Nuzzling against the cotton fondly, you tried to remember just which of his apartments you’d crashed at. Still adjusting to the new ‘erratic’ schedule, as Donnie had put it, you’d been the one to suggest numbering the locations. It was for anonymities sake as he’d initially set them by their location alone. They spanned the city and you figured it would be more covert to just list them off by code.

Were people listening?

You had no idea.

You could always ask, but that was a problem for conscious you.

You were still asleep.

At least, you definitely weren’t awake yet.

Turning your thoughts off and focusing only on the ambient sound of the apartment, you wondered idly if your boyfriend was still in bed. You couldn’t hear his breathing, but that also wasn’t uncommon. You’d only actually caught him asleep once, but it wasn’t as if in the time since that you’d been as keen on catching him. Other things had happened. You’d once rode an awesome lucky high. You’d had other priorities. It was back when you were just happy to wake up beside him.

In a roundabout way, you returned to your same question.

Not wanting to fully commit to action as that would thwart your sleep, you debated what the most minimal step you could take was. You didn’t need to mask the act because as soon as this little check was over, you were giving right back into unconsciousness. You just needed an assurance. It had only been a week since his return and this was the first time you’d spent the night. The hesitation of how to fall back into the ease of one another was there as self-inflicted wounds still healing. It was why you needed to know.

A single touch would surely halt your worries.

Then you could go back into recovery mode.

Against the sluggish thoughts, a detailed warning popped up. You wanted to close the mental alert, but chose to skim it instead. It seemed to be a reminder in place that mostly dealt with his shell. Knowing not to risk a full fling of your arm in fear of hitting it, you needed to temper your movement. It meant in a lazy haul, you swept the sheets until your hand emerged from underneath the covers. You then dragged it towards a median point and laid it there. Trying to judge where it landed without opening your eyes, you did mental calculations on how high you needed to tread to tap him. They were mostly useless numbers that were interrupted by another pop-up about hitting his face. You closed that one using a mental shortcut.

That territory wasn’t off-limits, just annoying.

Thinking it was probably only about half a foot to a good safe point, you found the hurdle of lifting your hand once more. Steam was rapidly leaking out of your tank and sleep crept into the space it afforded. Guessing you made it far enough, thoughts grew fuzzy as a hand carefully took yours. The delicacy at which Donnie took the appendage said he didn’t want to wake you if that was the case. In a cradle, he seemed to simply feel the weight of you for a long moment. It felt grounding and you figured it was doing the same for him. His thumb slowly skimmed over the top of your knuckles before he brought it up. He then chastely, and in a manner you identified as reserved, kissed the tips of your fingers.

It wasn’t exactly a rush, but it left a flickering buzz in its wake. The two of you had succumbed to many kisses in his time back, but there was always a stopping point. It was unconsciously transmitted and accepted by both parties. Heat there came only in sparks. Instead, it often translated the deep feelings of loss and the joy of being reunited. In the span of things your separation had been short, but mentally the split had been far too long.  

He was still for a long moment and you sensed he was mulling something over. He placed a second kiss to your knuckles before he shifted his hold. From where four of your fingers draped over one of his, he split his digits apart. Your slack hand slid to a dangle where your pads were just barely hanging on. It also revealed your palm to him. Rooting his snout between his two fingers to access it, he placed a tiny kiss right in the center.

His tenderness lingered and you couldn’t help the way one of your legs unconsciously slid under the sheets.

As if curious, he pressed his lips flat to your palm and removed his hand from the equation. It left your fingers draped over his snout and his breath tickling your appendage.

Fighting the urge to pet him, you had imagery of approaching a wild animal. You had succeeded in the sniff test and were on to the part where the beast nuzzled your hand as a means of acceptance.

He seemed satisfied there as his breathing evened out and he calmed.

Was he concerned?

What had happened the night before?

Still unwilling to commit to wakefulness in spite of curiosity, you sorted through your first date back. It had been one of smaller affections as it was hard for you to keep your eyes off each other. It was as if you both needed to be in full view less one was about to disappear. To maintain the vigil meant having to keep a certain amount of distance. Still wanting to be glued at the hip, you very much felt like two similarly charged magnets being forced together, but never able to truly click.

The edge of distance along with a certain basal fear of interruption left you both unable to drop your guards in a meaningful way. Even tonight, when you’d planned to finally come to one of his apartments, those feelings lingered and kept the tension from trending sexual. Overwhelming exhaustion had won out in the end as stunted rest had been eating away at you both. At least, you assumed Donnie had slept some. He definitely hadn’t fought the decision to lay down and though it was fuzzy, you were pretty sure he’d even suggested it. His eyes had even closed before yours; though you had a feeling sleep claimed you first.

Whatever he had done, he was clearly more refreshed than you.

Idly stuck on whether that was due to his mutation, he nudged your hand so he could place a few kisses that trailed toward your pulse point.

The terribly innocent nature of what should have been an otherwise intense touch struck you.

You gave a dreamy sigh.

Donnie’s hand reappeared to carefully take your wrist and remove you from his face. He then spoke in a hushed tone. “You haven’t rested enough.”

You really didn’t want to answer. You knew you should say something, but you were just so damn comfortable. What you landed on ended up being a little nod that could easily be misconstrued as you simply snuggling into your pillow.

For awhile he held your hand. The grip was different as his fingers now wrapped around the back. It left his thumb in your palm encased by your slack digits. He applied a light pressure, but it didn’t seem to satisfy him. He then slowly glided his thumb down until he lay over your pulse.

You were tired, but you clearly weren’t dead. You wondered why he felt the need to keep checking your heart. Dreary thoughts reminded you of your worries and why you had reached out to him in the first place. Knowing him to have the same concerns, you wondered what was necessary to pull you both back from this precarious edge.

While you tried to create mental strategies, Donnie decided to take a more forward approach. In a near perfect swap, he traded his thumb for his lips. The weight of his mouth mimicked the digit and you were sure he could feel your pulse there. You ruminated on the gesture until sleep tugged at your consciousness. You fell towards it until your anchor point pulled you back. In an ever so careful glide, Donnie’s other hand came to take his mouth’s place as a monitor. It left his lips free to leave a line of dainty kisses tracing the veins towards the crook of your elbow.

What was he up to?

Whatever it was, even though it interrupted your trip to dreamland, it was a pleasant distraction. You didn’t think you were that good at acting, but he seemed to think you were asleep. It left whatever he was doing relegated to an interesting territory where he didn’t want impede you and instead enhanced your drowsiness with comfort.

He reached the crux and the kiss there had the most heat of any yet.

Your lips parted unconsciously and your natural exhale leaked out there.

He froze as if caught and you could feel the way his eyes shot to your face. For a long moment he seemed to wait for some sign before he released a held breath into your skin. The warmth tickled the fine hairs there and he gave what was just shy of a hum before you heard the moment he opened his mouth. “Permission, permission…”

His voice was much lower than before.

You only wondered what for.

If it was to continue his little exploration, you were happy to be the limp receiving end as long as he didn’t mind it. Conveying that was too much effort, so you went back to your postulation. This was the only thing he was doing so it had to be related. It begged the question as to why he would need permission. If it meant going farther, that wasn’t necessarily off the table. It only added a new question of why he didn’t just ask you. It was like he wanted you to stay asleep.

Refusing to lift your lids, you could feel the way your eyes twitched beneath them.

That was certainly something.

You grappled with the information and imagined the way your loose body would be putty in his hands. It struck you as a hell of a way to subvert the hesitation. If he didn’t want to wake you, then he’d have to focus solely on care. If he wanted to get anywhere, he’d still have to commit to action. It seemed very much like him to turn reaffirming your relationship into a high stakes game of sorts. You wondered if he had planned it or if the thought had just occurred to him. The latter seemed more applicable if he was grappling with consent.

Again fending off surprise psyichal, you lamented that these realizations wouldn’t be so momentous if you weren’t so tired.

It made complete sense that he’d want to know if it was okay to fondle your sleeping body. Alternatively, it had been so obvious, in fact, you hadn’t considered it because it was already granted in your mind. You yourself ached to cuddle his sleeping form ever since you’d glimpsed it. Returning that gesture was a given. However, you hadn’t voiced any of that. He’d been clear that he wasn’t one for sleepy snuggles. You’d been happy to oblige and relegated the desire to a nice little shelf that you’d return to for daydreams. There wasn’t much there, but it was soothing to entertain when necessary.

Donnie gave a little weighty exhale that said he was stumped.

Similar to your original maneuver from when you awoke, you were stuck with how to execute. Speaking was something you wanted to avoid, but you sensed you’d have to do something with your vocal cords. That seemed too small though. You also wanted to let him have this discovery. You needed an action that would communicate such without dissuading him that you were fully awake and therefore totally privy to the actions he was trying to test out.

Thankfully, you’d already thought of one.

Giving a dreary little noise that spoke to slightly disrupted sleep, you stretched. It wasn’t the full on kind you gave upon waking, but instead a tired one that signified you’d roll over and conk back out. It meant the arm in his grasp extended and you sensed it move past him. When you reeled it in, it hooked his head unconsciously. Working that into your favor, you acted as if he were a teddy bear and pulled him as close as his seemingly stunned body would allow. Your arm cradled him and he let you get his forehead near your chin. With him semi-tucked, you topped the action off with a cherry.

“Donnie…” You mumbled with affection before relaxing.

You could feel his processors aflame with data, before the tense muscles in his chin smoothed out against your arm. “Can I touch you?”

The question was nearly mute.

If he weren’t so close, you might not have heard it at all.

“Mhm…” You slurred and pulled him closer. This time he came easily and buried into your sternum. Assuming he could really feel your heart there, you weren’t surprised when he turned his head so his tympanum was pressed to you. What caught you off guard was the feeling of him speaking again.

“Do you trust me?”

He knew you did.

It’d been a revelation he constantly loved to bask in.

You guessed it had been awhile since the last reminder.

It was worth the exertion.

“O’course…” You garbled the syllables mistakenly, but it worked in your favor.

“Go back to sleep.” He whispered before pressing a kiss to your throat.

He didn’t need to tell you twice.

You gave a single nod that could easily have been a little snuggle into the top of his head.

Satisfied, Donnie let you before he turned his attention to the arm craned around him. With little brushes, he kissed himself free and chased the limb back to your body. He paused there, somewhere around your upper arm and, with his mouth to you, you could feel the way he smiled. It lulled you to find that this turn brought him so much joy even if he felt like he was getting away with something. You wondered how much he liked pushing the boundaries of consent. It was within this thought space that you were coaxed onto your back.

You hadn’t really registered him having done anything, but the slight shift brought some form of focus. You felt the covers brush your stomach and realized he’d worked your sleep shirt up around your chest at some point. Refusing to play part and tossing your head away to the side, you felt the sheets lift. An outside air chilled you as his figure tented the cotton. For a moment, he paused there and you could tell he was taking in the intensity of your scent which had been trapped under the covers. Drinking you in with audible breaths, he eventually brushed his snout along your upper arm. The appendage was laying by the wayside and he moved it easily until he could rest his head there. He then stilled again to the point where you lost track of him as sleep crept in.

You had almost fully submerged when he finally moved again. His new pace was one set to a snails as you lost track of him. He appeared again in a haze as his mouth found your waist. Careful as could be, he licked and sucked what had to be little hickeys into your skin. It stirred your body in a heavy way. Avoiding the burning build-up, he continued to ply your tired mind with comfortable ascension.

In a slow crawl, he littered markings while barely bringing his mouth away from you. His destination was clear from where he was trending, but the sweep there was so slow you felt yourself nodding off again. The pleasant weight of his tongue and hot breath across the expanse of your stomach were soothing like a bundled blanket. Pacified, it wasn’t until you felt the sheet lift from around your feet that you realized he’d left you at all.

With a gentle brush of warmed hands from pawing, your legs fell open to him. He’d settled himself betwixt them after a swift kick broke the covers free from their mattress tuck. It had all been so surreal that you had to react in some way. Keeping from fully opening your eyes, you looked through your lashes to find the pale purple sheets cloaking the figure hovering between your legs. It was an odd thing to let your lids drift shut after seeing, but your head was far too heavy to keep propped up. His oral fixation resumed on the inside of your left leg, just below the knee, and again his ministrations were exceptionally slow.

Time lost meaning in what must have been a microsleep because the next thing you felt was a scorching press right into your core. You arched on contact and a stuttered breath rocked out of you. His mouth came away and you felt him gently shush you. The heat of his lips urged you to relax as he pressed little kisses into your inner thigh. It succeeded only in bringing attention to the litany of bruises he’d had time to leave there. You mewled at the thought of how gentle he must have been to make them while you’d hit a light sleep. Another hush came off his lips and with it a blow that he mistakenly sent in the wrong direction. It brushed your sex and highlighted how thoroughly soaked you were.

You tried to exert reason. It couldn’t have been from just one lick. He’d somehow worked you up to this point. While it was a tried and true fact that he had the ability to soak you, he’d always had to lead with something whether it be words or other touches. That meant he had to have latched his mouth on to you. Not knowing for how long, you could only imagine him carefully lapping and the full push of his tongue had roused you. Abuzz from the unknown, you rolled your hips as you could sense how close he was. He stayed back and instead murmured for you to go back to sleep.

That seemed implausible until he started his massage.

It began with the thick of his hands kneading into the muscles of your inner thigh. You hadn’t thought they were tense until he started to work them into veritable jelly. His pinpointed pressure was offset by the large scope he could encompass. A drowsy hum of satisfaction locked into your throat as he rubbed down to your knee. He placed a kiss to your left cap before coming back up. You momentarily thought him a fool for rushing back to his intended task without fully pacifying you until he bypassed your sex for your hips. The massage started anew and it was around the time that he unknotted your lower back that the gentle rock of him sent you back to dreamland.

You awoke with a start.

It wasn’t the kind from a bad dream that couldn’t be pulled to the waking world, but instead one where you’re coming too and realize in some basal part of your brain that you hadn’t meant to doze off.

Staring up at the ceiling, you tossed one of your limbs over your eyes. There was no errant light to block out and instead you used the gesture to help you think. Your body felt like goo in the best of ways. Not only had you been gifted incredible sleep, but your muscles felt refreshed. Mentally thanking your gorgeous masseuse, you heard a clinking in the kitchen. Still riding the minor high from having just woken up, you lolled upward. Hitting a sitting position and slumping forward comfortably, you felt an ache between your legs. Identification happened instantaneously, but you still took an additional swivel of your hips to make sure.

Donatello had a penchant for multiple orgasms.

Instead of wilting, you got onto two liquefied legs and scurried off to the bathroom. It was there you butted your back up against the sink and reached between your legs. A testing poke to your nethers found the same familiar tenderness. It brought your hands together with a clap over your lips. The scent of you hit your nostrils as you tried to comprehend how he did it. You were assaulted with images of him, tongue lovingly running over you in a painfully slow treatment to keep you asleep while also getting you off. Your hands crawled up until they covered your face and trapped the heat of your cheeks there.

Sweltering from that and your scorched breath, you imagined how you must have cum. It would have been a slack shaking that you had no control over. You tried to picture his face; several came to mind from awe to that researcher’s inquisition. He’d then been spurned to go again and that’s where you inevitably lost track. You had no idea how many times he’d brought you to climax and the thought alone caused a reflexive clenching that started the cycle anew. Turning, you had to wash your face and brush your teeth. You lingered in the cold tap for too long just trying to calm down.

How long had you been together and he was still unlocking new things within you?

You had a feeling you’d barely scratched the surface. 

Jittery, you went to use the toilet and found your underwear hadn’t been returned. The sleep shirt he never seemed to have removed and you vaguely recalled he had pushed it up. Wondering just how many things he had done to you, you glanced down at your leg. A little purple bruise peeked out there and you lifted your hem to find dozens of them covering you. Inching back to a nearby wall to give yourself space, you hiked the top up to see a litany of marks running all the way up your torso and over your breasts.

You definitely didn’t remember him going that high.

The heat boiled up again and this time you decided to direct it at the source. Exiting the bathroom, you headed towards where you had last heard him to find Donnie flipping an omelet in a skillet. You gawked openly as he seared it off and then pivoted to slide it out onto an awaiting plate on the opposite counter. He passed you a comfortable glance in his black loungewear and turned to pour another premixed solution into the awaiting pan. Watching the way his back muscles moved under his tank, you inched towards the omelet. Not as absorbed in his task as you thought, he piped right up.

“That one’s mine. Yours will be served fresh.”

“Oh… Thanks.” You steered around the counter and hooked your elbows there so you would be out of the way. “About… this morning…”

He ignored you and used the handle of the skillet to stir the contents.

“Donnie how long-?”

“Shall we stay in today?”

Your head came up from where it was perched on your hands. “Hey-”

“We could make the most of each other’s company.”

“That’s sweet, but-”

“Why don’t you pick something for us to watch?”

Glowering at the back of his head, you stormed over to the couch. You knew it wasn’t totally futile, but it was odd he was being so stubborn about this. You’d had vague theories this morning about his sensitivity, but you’d also both come so far with communication that it seemed odd that he’d take such a large step back. You mulled it over as you brought up a video about deer population in Japan. It seemed interesting enough and you started it up only to pause it right away. There was another familiar flip as he tossed the pan and then the clatter of another plate.

You shifted to give him a minute amount of couch space which he took with little disagreement. He passed you your omelet along with a fork and you marveled how he’d accurately guessed your favorite additions. His seemed to be just egg in comparison and you watched as he methodically severed off a bite. You had a sort of recollection percolating, but didn’t have the time to stew on it. Instead, you turned on the video and half watched while you ate.

Of course it was cooked to perfection and tasted like pure delight.

Suddenly ravenous, you finished yours before Donnie his. You then scooted back until you were butt up against the sofa’s arm and languidly sank into terrible posture. Comfortable, you fell into the interesting facts of the program and only vaguely became aware when Donnie set his empty plate on the coffee table. When he came up, he draped an arm over the back of the couch.

“Two times, 1 hour and 12 minutes, with the utmost care.”

You kicked his leg as your cheeks were set aflame.

“You’re not getting your underwear back today.”

You pulled your other leg up to hit him with a double foot assault.

He chuckled.

“What is up with you today?”

He was quiet and that pulled your eye. Through his glasses you could see his gaze was unfocused and you sensed he was replaying the events in bed. You shrank back into your side of the couch and waited until he spoke again. “How would you rate your experience?”

You tried to mask your jolt by tucking your legs up against your body.

“I could have acquired clearer consent.”

“No… that was… fine.”

He turned his head incrementally towards you.

“It was pretty creative. Was it spur of the moment?”

He gave a single nod.

The possibilities seemed endless.

Suddenly drowning in a sea of your imagination, you saw a thousand glimpses of the wildest throes of passion. Never something you usually inserted yourself into, you felt very much like a steamed bun trapped in a basket.

It wasn’t until Donnie touched your leg that you realized he was openly watching you.

You seized up at the sight of him and his lids hooded as he seemingly read your thoughts. “Your review.”

“I don’t… remember much of it.”

He leaned in bridging the gap.

“D-Donnie…!” Your voice sounded desperate.

Why were you being so shy?

One of his hands dented the cushion near you so he could continue his trek. Your back pushed up against the arm of the couch until it creaked under your pressure. He came in close and your eyes instinctually lowered as you prepared for what you thought would be a kiss. Instead he hovered close and, as you peeked out at him, you realized why.

You could smell your sex.

There was obviously the waft of the meal he’d just eaten on his breath, but there was also the unmistakable scent you’d just gotten a whiff of in the bathroom. Your eyes shot wide at the prospect. It hadn’t been just his mouth on you; he had been down there so long that his face must have been covered in your juices. Overwhelmed, you finally correctly identified the swirling emotion threatening to swallow you. You’d been holding back to the point where anything threatening to break through would inevitably cause an onslaught. Launching yourself at him, Donnie caught you as you shoved your face towards his. He miscalculated your destination as you skipped the kiss and instead licked a thick stripe over his bottom lip.

There was the faintest hint of you there and the smell was nearly appalling this close. Against your body, Donnie went rigid and you pulled back to aim your lustful gaze right at him.

“I’m going to suck you off today.”

There was another hitch but this one came with a shift in his eye.

It was clear hesitation.

Your heart sank.

With stuttered movements, you moved your hands to his shoulders as you backed off from him.

“Y/N.”

“No, I get it.” You stood and, though you hadn’t originally had a destination, you caught hold of the plates to bring them over to the kitchen.

“It isn’t the act of fellatio itself.”

“Sure.” You flicked the tap and rinsed the dishes off.

“There is a certain amount of dubiety that solely lies with me. It would be wrong to proceed otherwise.”

You left the plates in the sink and turned the water off. “What’s the orgasm disparity right now?”

He perked up in the corner of your eye.

“I know you keep track.”

“Of yours.”

“When was the last time you came?” You turned and folded your arms.

He looked away.

He knew.

You sighed.

“I get that you’re scared…”

He had a protest on his lips, but it was a reflexive one that he kept down.

“Your think if you can make me feel good enough then it’ll make up for the bad and you can finally let go of the guilt.”

“That is not wholly correct.”

“What am I missing?”

“The act of eating out is a soothing repetitive task. It is both easy to get lost in by design whilst paired with giving my partner pleasure.”

It felt like your insides had to accommodate by how violently your stomach flipped.

Had he ever called you that before?

Reaching to grip the counter for some stability, you looked at him. “I would never force you.”

He nodded.

You had something on your lips, but buried it. “No.” You shook your head to rid yourself of it. “I would never force you. I’m not upset. Never mind.”

He stood and you brought a hand up to stop him.

“Okay, I’m upset, but it’s with myself.” You looked to him to translate your honesty. “Experience was 12/10, extremely satisfied, you unlocked something in me and seemingly showed me a hundred new doors to kinks I literally would not have realized I had and I’m sort of worried my heart won’t be able to take it.”

He gave a leer that dripped with tease.

“I just miss… having you inside me.” You flushed and put all your willpower into not turning away. “I don’t want to rush you. I’m just… confused and heated and turned on and still sort of nervous and a million other things that I feel like I can run to sex to to turn off, but… it shouldn’t be like that. We’re intimate and it’s not any less. I’m annoyed I got annoyed.” You grimaced and finally succumbed to the slump.

Donnie padded over to you and drew you to him.

Keeping your head down, you tucked against his plastron as he held you loosely. “Therapy next week.”

You felt Donnie nod as he stroked your back languidly.

The comfort plied you until you relented and relaxed.

You both lingered in the moment until his chest bobbed.

You looked up at him curiously.

His amused gaze was waiting for you. “You will be the first to know as soon as I am ready.”

You snorted and gave him a playful slap.

He stepped away but hooked his fingers around your waist. You came to him with joking reluctance as he led you over to the couch. There he hefted you up and you squealed as he fell back into the cushions with you in tow. He mitigated your fall so you wouldn’t snap against his toughened torso and settled down until he was comfortable with you laying on top of him. You did your own adjustments and he got hold of the remote to maneuver your queue. He picked a video that was reviewing grocery store foods and the two of you settled in to cuddling.

It took several videos until you suddenly asked him about his side of the turtle ambush. He paused the video to give you his full attention as he simply explained he took on Leo and Raph. He complained about how they talked to one another too much which left them open for easier blows. He also mentioned with a bitter bite that somewhere along the line he himself miscalculated a single step which caused the swipe to his back. You got the feeling that he had never once fought them with his bare shell, but that seemed a little too sensitive a subject to breach. Instead you shifted to ask him how changing his bandages was by himself. You’d gotten help from your roommate after falling for her pitfall. Donnie simply remarked he was used to it and there were traces in his voice that spoke of many wounds. It made you wonder about his wraps again, but you left the conversation with a thank you kiss for sharing.

Though you hadn’t once looked at a clock, you felt a soreness eventually crop up from the position and sat up to stretch. You were aware it’d hike your shirt and could feel Donnie eye you as you straddled his thigh with your hands high above your head. Coming down as if nothing had occurred, you beamed at him. “You made breakfast, I’ll make lunch?”

His eye was near your legs and he snapped up to your face like he’d almost forgotten. “Kitchen’s freshly stocked.”

“Better than my apartment.” You hopped off of him and headed over to see what he had.

“You haven’t gone shopping yet?” He had the slightest grouch to his voice.

“My roommate brought home all that food. I’ll need to this weekend though.” You hung over the fridge door to examine its contents.

He quieted and you could sense there was more he wanted to say.

You had felt the pull too. You wanted to ask him to go with you, but it had been a bit of an ordeal last time. You weren’t planning to go to that store in particular as the timeline wasn’t ready for it, but you wondered how he’d do with a regular outing. Saturday’s were naturally busy and you thought better of it as you left the fridge for his cabinets. He had a really nice loaf of ancient grain bread that you pulled out and gave a squeeze. “It’s not French bread, but how about bruschetta?”

He seemed surprised as you held the loaf up for him to see. “Sure.”

“Afraid I’ll out cook your omelets?”

“Hardly.” He mocked turning away. “Interesting choice.”

“Thank you!” You chirped and set the oven. You amused yourself by not asking and looking for all the staples you needed. Everything was placed logically and you soon had all the implements necessary. Sliced bread was oiled and onto a sheet pan just in time when the oven hit temp. You popped them in with a timer set and turned to a cutting board with the many tomatoes. You lost yourself in a little hum and the rhythm of dicing them up. You were about halfway done when you sensed Donnie creeping up on you. You gave him a half smile in passing thinking he would sneak a bite. He had a different kind of hunger in mind. His fingers curled carefully around your waist and he settled himself flush with your back.

“Careful, I have a knife.” You warned genially.

“You’re doing great.” He murmured into your ear as he bent down to your shoulder. With a brush of his snout he freed the crook of your neck from the collar of your shirt and placed a kiss there.

You tipped your head to accommodate him. “What got you?”

He brushed his lips along your neck trending upward toward your ear and made a little noise in question.

“Is it me cooking for you? In your kitchen? After what you did to me this morning?” You paused and turned to look at him which broke him free from you.

He gave an acid washed smile. “All of the above.”

You rolled your eyes at him and went back to prep.

He settled into leaving hickeys along your neck and you wondered if any part of you would leave his house unmarred. He was gentle enough that you were able to finish up the tomatoes and chiffonade some basil. You had just gotten to work on the garlic when his hand crept up your shirt. Pressing the knife down into the cutting board and shuddering under his touch, he palmed your breast. You let out a shaky breath as he expertly cupped and caught your nipple between his fingers. He rolled it with ease and you arched back into him.

“You’re not done.” He tutted into your hair.

“Seriously?” You huffed in return.

He stopped his movements and lifted away enough to smile down at you wickedly.

You whined and tried to keep your fingers far away as you resumed chopping. Donnie’s other hand made an appearance at your other breast and immediately joined the now dual massage. Trying not to let your eyes roll back in your head, you finished and dumped the rest of the ingredients into a big bowl with trembling fingers. His teeth traced his old bite marks and he was nearly lifting you off the ground by your chest alone when the timer went off. He unlatched as if nothing occurred and you had to messily shove your hem down to retrieve the toast.

Setting them aside on a pot holder for easy transfer, you went to add the sauce. Donnie got ahold of you just as you tipped a bottle of balsamic and you hissed as you poured a little too much. He merely chuckled into your shoulder as his hands drifted across your stomach. It tilted your hips back into his and he ground against your ass. Moaning at the motion he hadn’t chanced in too long, you blinked as you were bent over the counter. The forgotten parmesan sat right under your nose and you nearly snorted at how he had mistakenly reminded you. You went to grab it when you felt his hands at a completely new angle on your legs. 

That made no sense so you pushed away from the counter enough to look down. Donnie stared back up at you and you jarred at the sight of him. He had, at some point, turned himself all the way around and sat on the floor between your legs. His shell now rested against the counter you were working at and he was gently caressing the backs of your thighs as he seemed to be waiting for something.

“Hey…” You shot him an awkward smile.

“Hi.” He nearly purred.

“You’re good at misdirection.”

He hummed contentedly and his eyes flicked forward. Realizing he was looking at your bare sex, your knees buckled. His hands slipped down to the joint behind them and pushed them forward. He then slid his body down further so that they could press into the counter for stability just above his shoulders. The move sent his head further between your legs and you stammered out syllables that amounted to nothing.

You had to try again. “H-how can I-?!”

His head tilted up as if to watch you more and his breath tickled your interior.

The unabashed moan you let out was not one you were proud of.

“We won’t be able to eat until you finish.”

Looking at the twice forgotten cheese, you chewed your lip.

So he wouldn’t start until you were done.

There was no way he was going to make it easy until then.

You steeled yourself as you grabbed the parmesan again. Donnie’s hands held tight to your skin as he trended back up. Thankful your knees had a stable point, you leaned heavily into the counter as you dumped the cheese into the bowl. His hands landed just above your bottom and his fingers flexed as he tested a few solid holds. You made a grab for some olive oil and tipped the bottle just as his tongue reached out to barely brush your sex. Your hand pulled back this time with a snap to keep from flooding the dish.

Donnie rocked side to side and his snout bumped you repeatedly as he looked for the best position. You rushed to get the rest of the ingredients into the bowl before he found one as when he did, he buried his tongue right into your folds. You seized up with a little cry that he smoothed with a nurturing caress to your hips. Your forearms hit the counter with a slap as he coaxed you down just the littlest amount so his mouth could fully taste you.

Thinking on how very wrong you’d been in your understanding of his ‘eat’ comment, you tried to toss the mixture. It was made all the more difficult as he made his best impression of a starving man between your legs. The near squat shook the muscles in your legs and warned of giving out. He targeted you with precision that came from a ghastly amount of practice. With a quivering spoon, you got most of the mixture doled out onto each toast with a good handful of the bruschetta falling to the wayside on the pan. The last plain bread in sight, Donnie latched onto your clit just as one of his hands left your hip. In a sudden dip, a finger pumped into you and you came on contact.

You cried out and dropped your spoon in favor of clinging to the counter. In a move unlike all the other times he had eaten you out, he pulled away and seemingly watched as your pussy desperately milked his digit. All threats on your muscles were made good as you felt the familiar give. A pathetic little, “I’m gonna fall,” came off your lips as you crumpled.

“Got you.” In a swift pivot, Donnie hoisted himself out from under you while supporting your weight. He then did an awkward twist that tangled his arms as he got behind you. One arm secured tight to release the other before you were picked straight off the floor. You settled against him still riding out the last little vestiges of your orgasm as he carried you over to the couch. “Incredible as always,” he mused as he laid you down.

You shook your head and gave a delirious chuckle. “I didn’t finish.”

He cocked a half smile. “You did.”

You went to swat him but he ducked between your legs again. “No! Hey!”

“Clean up.” He responded happily before licking away your excess slick.

A string of curses devolved into gibberish off your lips as he left your core with a seared kiss before going to fetch the tray. He brought it over and set it on the coffee table while simultaneously eating one of the toasts. “You’re an animal.” You groaned, still unable to sit up on shaky limbs.

“You just noticed?” He mocked offense and offered a hand.

You waved him off to regain your strength. He let you and flipped on the TV for some mindless background noise. You could tell it didn’t have his attention because every time you glanced at him, his gaze was squarely on you. “Me lying here can’t be that interesting.”

“I beg to differ.”

You shook your head at the futility of it all and finally got yourself upright. He slid the tray towards you and you sank down on your knees to the floor to eat over it. Latent jitters made you feel like you’d make a mess otherwise and after your first bite resulted in an immediate tomato spill, you were pleased with the choice you’d made. Donnie hovered nearby and seemed to eat slower and slower as you regained your strength. “Can you get me a drink?”

Wordlessly he darted away and you watched after him curiously. Swallowing a bite, he seemed tense as he poured a glass of water and brought it over. You watched him openly as he averted his gaze and seemed to recall something. He returned to the kitchen and poured himself a glass which he then gulped down in what looked like an act of desperation. Finishing your fourth toast, you sipped daintily on your drink and wondered if you should bother asking.

In a robotic turn, he shot right back to his spot on the couch and dropped down with perfect posture.

“Donnie, you goo-?”

“I’m fine.”

You stared at him dully.

His snout crinkled as he realized his mistake.

With a little push to the table you rotated yourself to face him, still on your knees. “Don.”

“Yes?” He stared forward at nothing.

“What’s up?”

His leg bounced until his fist shot down onto his thigh to violently stop it.

You looked down the appendage and then traced it back up to him, waiting.

“I think… now.”

“Now?” You parroted before it sank in. “Wait, now!?”

He gave a curt nod.

“Now.” You mouthed before scooting closer to him.

He tightened up as you closed the little two foot gap between you and you slowed all the more for him. You were delicate as could be as you barely touched a fingertip to his knee. He didn’t tense further, so you added the rest of your fingers. His eye dropped a single time to check you before flying right back to the wall.

“Are you sure?”

“I will stop you if so, but proceed as we might lose this moment.”

You gave a little nod and coaxed his knee to leave its twin.

“You… are up for this, correct? I should have asked. I should-” He suddenly fussed.

“Shhhh…” You drew out the sound and tilted your head as you looked up at him through your lashes.

His breath seized and you took it as a good sign as his legs splayed for you. You settled yourself between them and reached for his waistband. It took an upward flick of your eyes for him to brace himself so he could bring his hips up. With some awkward maneuvering, you got his joggers out from under him and he helped as they inched towards his thighs until they were off. He was far too stiff and you reached out to tuck a hand up underneath his tank top against the flat of his plastron around his abdomen. His vision quaked at your touch and you pressed gently as a reminder that his tail was trapped under him.

He made a new noise you identified as a stressed one as he lifted up and exposed himself with a tilt of his hips. His slit was weeping and you felt a stirring at the sight of it. Drunk on the view, your hand slid around the edge of his shell and curled into his hip. He gave a weakened groan as your other appendage joined on the opposite side and pulled. He came forward with a sudden snap of his arms back behind him as if he’d collapse without their support. You gently shushed him and pressed kisses into his thigh to give him time to calm.

He didn’t quell as much as you hoped as you could see the tension in his rigid shoulders. Frowning and wondering if you should dive in, you ran your hands soothingly over the outside of his thighs. It was there you clipped purple and tilted outward to spy the markings of his leg. Shifting side to side, you found each of his hips donned blocky purple that mimicked the bit you always saw on his shoulders.

“It’s nothing.”

You looked up at him to find the same rigidity still, but with a bit of irritation.

You narrowed your gaze at him and he set his in stone.

Refusing to grumble, you looked back to his core.

 You could scold him later, right now you needed a distraction.

Biting your lip, you recalled his and took that as a lead. In a gentle nuzzle, you nosed the interior of his left thigh before peppering it with little kisses. He inhaled sharply as you trended inward before bypassing his sex with an outward exhale of hot breath. The couch creaked as he asserted downward pressure and you made a similar trek along his right thigh. You added in a punctuated suck near his apex and a little sound started in him that he grunted away. Looking up at him curiously to see his eyes shut, you increased suction to see if you could mark his jade skin. Its effect on him was palpable, but visually it looked little more than a wet spot. Shrugging it off, you drifted inward again and went back to gently stroking his legs.

It was there you pulled a hand free to trace his slit. Another noise was thwarted above you before you leaned in for a tentative lick. He hunched over you immediately but kept himself from grabbing you by suddenly fisting the couch cushions. You barely regarded his looming form in favor of prodding your tongue into him with a tilt of your head. His taste was inoffensive if not the tiniest bit acidic as you licked deeper. His pants echoed above you and you used your hand to part his lips. In an awkward shuffle, you pressed your torso to the couch so you could bury your face there. A sharp high note escaped him as your tongue explored. Pulling back, you let your lips gently pull at one side of his slit as you inserted a finger into him. In a twist, you curled the digit deep, keeping in mind the depth you once breached.

“Y-Y/N-” Donnie croaked and you felt the tip of his cock chase your finger out as you pulled back.

He dropped and you immediately wrapped your hands around him like his dick might escape otherwise. In a flash, you attached your mouth to the side and licked a slant up to his head. A form of a growl emitted from deep within his chest as you rounded and swirled your tongue over the spade. Joining your hands to pump at his base, you thought only that this must be what he felt like eating you out as you took him in your mouth. You immediately hollowed your cheeks for a gentle suction and above you Donnie groaned openly.

Lapping at his hole, you lifted off your knees in preparation to take him as deep as you could. You timed an upward stroke of your hand before lowering your head with its fall. You made it only a few inches before Donnie’s hand placed flat on top of your head. You resisted straining and braced in case he involuntarily thrusted. When one didn’t come, you shifted to look at him.

“I can’t…” He gasped.

Hit with the retraction on consent, you immediately pulled off of him. There was a wet pop as you unlatched and let go. He sank back into the couch as if defeated and crossed both his arms over his face. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re alright.” You sat back on your haunches and placed a chaste kiss to his knee.

He shook his head from underneath his appendages.

“It is. Don’t worry.” Thinking it might be safe, you tucked your hand around the thick of his calf and gave a reassuring squeeze. He tensed underhand and you slowly sank your fingers into the muscle in a knead. Resting your head against the same knee for what you hoped was a pleasant weight, you gave him space.

It took several minutes before his arms finally came down and a few more after that until he would open his eyes. You smiled when he finally looked at you and, though his gaze seemed even, you saw his brow raise at something there. Curious, your tongue darted out to wet your lips and you found his slick there. In a swipe you gathered what you could and mused over the slight tackiness of it. Entertained by that fact, you let go of him to rub your thumb over your face to gather whatever was left. You licked the digit clean, not thinking of the show until you heard a strained noise.

Looking to Donnie, his pupils were dark with lust and the bob of his cock spoke to how it had yet to go down.

“Sorry…” You mumbled with a shirk of your shoulders.

“Idea.” He spoke in a stunted tone.

“Yeah?” You tilted your head.

“Distraction.” He heaved around the word.

It wasn’t enough to go off of. You felt bad for having to probe. “What are you thinking?”

“69.” His lids lowered with punctuated heat.

The image struck you along with the thought and you bit your lip at the concept. An immediate counter thought hit you and you released your bite to grimace. “Uh, I want to, but logistically one of us won’t reach…”

In a blink his eyes were wide and you could see he was doing mental calculations as he looked you up and down. You sat a little taller in case it helped and it seemed to as his gaze shot to the right. When he returned he had a satisfied air to him.

You trusted him, but that didn’t mean you didn’t worry.

“Figure it out?” You tilted your head, nervously.

“Stand.” He sat up as if he were preparing for something.

“Oh…” Your gaze dropped to his cock and you thought about how a similar command had preceded the move you supposedly weren’t going for.

A hand appeared in your vision and you took it without thinking. He pulled and you scrambled to get your feet under you. Now standing in front of him, you waited as his eyes darted with another bout of math. His grip on your hand firm, you rubbed a little circle with your thumb a as reassurance that you were there. When he surfaced he caught it and shot you a look that communicated his appreciation. You smiled and he tugged you to the side. You took a step out from between his legs and he brought his hand up. Confused, you followed it which meant stepping up onto the couch. He brought his other hand in to stabilize your waist as you did so and you looked down on him with ever increasing uncertainty. A small smile played on his lips as he gave you one last once over.

“The best I can give is a warning that this will feel strange, but I’ve got you.”

Not prepared for a sudden full sentence you nodded. “Alright…?”

“Oh and brace your arms on my legs.”

“Brace…” The turned up octave that would have dictated a question died on your lips at his set features. Whatever was about to happen, you would just have to go with. “Got it…”

In a sudden lurch, he got a hold of you and you flipped over. You tried not to scream but a sound smashed against your closed lips. Dealing with the twists, when you finally settled you were hovering over his cock and put your arms out to his legs as instructed. Your shirt immediately fell around you in a terrible tent and you scoffed. Donnie chuckled from where he had a stable grip on your waist and lifted you with ease. In a little wiggle you let the fabric fall off and then threw it onto the floor. Your hands returned to his thighs and you turned to look over your shoulder.

Instead of having you resting on his shoulder as one might a bazooka, in a dip, Donnie tucked his head under one of your legs which put him at eye level with your sex. You clenched at the sudden realization of where this position put you. You could barely see him over your own ass, but the top purple of his head froze for a moment as he took the scent of your arousal in. He then shook it off for proper adjustments. It ended with your knees firmly against each of his shoulders and your shins resting against the back of the couch where your feet hung off. He had your waist settled tightly in his grip and you were still staring down the barrel of his cock.

“This is crazy.”

“Change your mind?”

“Nope!” You closed your legs to crush his head between your thighs.

You felt a rush of air as he exhaled suddenly.

Nervous, you released and he made a noise of irritation.

“Harder.”

Giving a little chuff of your own, you turned your attention to what was in front of you and dropped your arms. With your mouth open you took the head of his cock and he choked as you immediately sucked. Needing to retaliate, he surged forward and buried his face into your core. It broke your lip lock as the sudden reminder that this would be your fourth orgasm of the day hit you. Fighting off wilting at his expertise, you crushed your thighs together. He moaned dreamily into your cunt and you dropped back down.

Testing his head around your lips it became immediately apparent that you could only do so much with your mouth alone. Tapping Donnie’s thigh as he languidly tasted you like a fine wine, you wondered on that exact fact. He was pretty food aggressive in this sense and his handle on your waist was rock solid. Remembering his words on how he had you, you simply let go. For a moment you waited nervously, hands hovering out, but nothing changed. He licked a long stripe over your pussy and you wrapped your hands around his shaft tentatively. A single supportive hum came from him and vibrated against your labia.

You gasped at it before wicking up his slick in your grasp. You then used it to stroke him as a sort of lube which sent his lips away from you in a little pant. Spurned by this, you got your mouth around him and bobbed your head. He lowered you slightly so you could take more of him and hunched forward to keep himself rooted between your legs. It was messy and strange, but you both soon found a combined rhythm. You became keenly aware that you rocked in time, pumping against each other in nearly a fluid motion. Taking more and more of him until your jaw ached, you squeezed his bulb to hopefully signify you’d hit your max point. Donnie caught on quickly and kept that as the farthest he’d let you down.

The rolling continuation of him into you and you onto him flooded you with a warmth that was hard to place. Regardless of the bizarre positioning, it was the closest you had gotten to the feeling of penetrative sex. You realized then, as your tongue rolled around the flaps of his head, that it was the shared sensation you missed. Making each other feel good separately was its own join, but fucking each other was something else entirely. You tried to log that as a revelation to share with him later when a bitterness hit your tongue. Quickly identifying its salty undertones as pre-cum, you palmed his cock a little harder in time with clenches of your thighs. It was a question of how close he was and Donnie responded with a nibble to your clit.

Knowing he was trying to catch you up to orgasm in unison, you increased your speed. The muscles in your hand warned of locking and your jaw was worse for wear. Suddenly nervous you wouldn’t make it, your eyes squeezed until tears pricked the corners. Behind you, Donnie seemed none the wiser as he nosed himself deeper causing that familiar tightness to peak. The crest was rapidly approaching and you weren’t feeling the swell in his knot that said the same of him. You slacked your legs to try to communicate this, but Donnie simply hiked his shoulder up to put you back into place. Left only to amplify your ministrations on his head, you felt the tensile strength snap taunt within you before it unraveled. Cumming, he fell from your mouth and you dipped forward. It pressed his cock into your cheek as you rode out the waves of defeat.

It was there with the stickiness clinging to your face that you held him. He gave a long satisfied sigh before you could feel him prepare to lower you. You let go of his dick as your knees gently slid down his plastron until they landed on his legs. He then let go of your waist before shifting to help you stretch your limbs out. Moving upright and feeling a confusing rush of blood, you leaned back which sent your hips a counterbalance forward. Your damp sex brushed his shaft and he solidified on contact.

“Donnie?” You asked, worry helping sober you up.

“Can you get up?”

“Y-Yeah. Uh, just let me…” You went to grab the arm rest, but you still needed to clear his stiff member.

“I can’t-” It was a familiar rasp to his earlier stop command.

“Yes, yes! I’m sorry!” Pushing off on your loose legs, you did a sudden hop off the couch. Your action was successful as you got away from him without another graze, but your dismount was abysmal. You landed awkwardly with more weight on one leg than the other and immediately threw your arms out in a rapid spiral to try to correct. It amounted to nothing but making you feel like a fool as you stumbled several steps forward before falling right over.

“Y/N!”

“I’m fine…” You groaned from where your palm had hit the tile in the kitchen a little too hard.

You hoisted yourself into a sitting position with a wince and found Donnie hobbling over to you. His stiff member made the move difficult and you wondered why it was still standing so intently considering his intense reservations.

“I’m okay, silly. Would you stop?”

Ignoring you, Donnie knelt down and ran his gaze over you.

“Hey.” You reached out and cupped his cheek.

His eyes widened slightly and went to you in recognition.

“Where are you?”

“Here.” There was a confirmation to his tone.

“Yes, but I feel like there’s more.” Curling your legs to the side, you watched him drop to his knees. “Again, not forcing in the slightest, but… you kinda got someone betraying you here.” You nodded to his member who returned the gesture.

“It’s the attention. It’ll go down.” Donnie seemed like he wanted to turn away, but that would have removed him from your palm.

You stroked his jaw. “You look like Pooh with only a shirt on and dick out.”

Donnie reared with disgust and went to stand.

You laughed from the floor and grunted as you got to your feet. With a little pat to dust yourself off, you brought your head up in time for his tank top to hit you in your face. “So petty!” You called out as he disappeared into the bedroom. You stared for a long moment and heard the click of the bathroom before recognition hit you. “Donnie…?”

“Out in a minute.”

Blinking, you were in motion before you realized it. You rounded the corner in a rush and came up to the bathroom door with a skidding halt. “Are you…?”

Silence came from within.

“Are you taking care of it? Of… yourself?”

Even though there was no sound, there felt like a shift in the quiet. “It’ll be quick.”

“Oh.” Voice heavier than you wanted, you took a step back. You understood; it made sense. It would be a swiftly dispatch the issue as opposed to waiting. Backpedaling, you thought covering up would probably help the matter. Your shirt had landed somewhere in the living room so you headed back there when you heard the door to the bathroom open all too soon. Slowing, you half turned to find Donnie in a similar stance trying to hide the shame of his erection. “Nothing’s wrong. You go ahead. It’s totally fine.”

He continued to hesitate on the threshold as if trapped.

“Think you can talk?” You brought up a hand to give yourself some modesty just in case.

His pupil darted back and forth across the line that separated the two rooms.

Shifting your weight from one leg to the other, you thought. With a slight distraction, he had been fine. As soon as he had time to focus on what was happening, he got sucked up into his own head. It was a feeling you knew all too well. His plan had worked up until a point, but he was caught. He’d been so busy watching you strung up for pleasure it was like he forgot about himself. As soon as he was made aware he was part of the equation, fear reared its ugly head and he stopped on contact. There had to be an intermediary step between those two extremes to help him along.

Softening at a thought, you approached him slowly. He reacted with a wary lowering of his head. “Hey…” You stopped a few feet shy of him. “Can I touch you?”

He took a while processing your question before he gave a small nod.

You kept your gaze low and a small smile played on your lips as you reached towards his hand. His fingers lifted as you neared and you took the appendage. In a careful lift, you held the bridge between you and made a move to get his other. He brought it up similarly and you simply held him, feeling the weight of his hands. Yours looked especially small in the support position, but you still made little soothing strokes with your thumb. You waited until you could feel the tension release there before you went for your next move.   

“Do you trust me?”

You watched his brain stall.

It didn’t seem like the question itself, but instead he grappled with the fact that you had asked it.

It drew an odd fondness from you.

You hadn’t chanced the question before in fear of his answer.

Now seeing his reaction, you wished you had done so sooner.

Instead of responding, he drew closer with a vulnerable eye. “You have something in mind.”

“I do.”

He lowered his head in a passive way that you took as a gesture to lead.

You stepped back slowly and pulled on the tether. He came easily and you led him over to the bed. “Lay down on your back.”

He checked in with you in one last glance before committing to the action. It struck you especially when he didn’t scoot over and instead lay on your side of the bed. He was submitting to you in a way he hadn’t before. It showed his trust all the more. Trying not to succumb to the sweetness, you stepped up beside him and he watched.

“Where’s the lube?”

“My nightstand, top drawer.”

You circled the bed and grabbed it before returning to him. “Okay. Unlike someone, I’m giving full transparency.”

He gave a chuff with a hint of reservation.

“I’m going to get on top and we aren’t going to insert or anything like that. We’re going to go ultra slow and not do a single thing you don’t want to. All I’m asking is for you to trust that I’ve got you.” You squirmed a little. “Like you always have me.”

His eyes widened by a small margin and then returned to an even gaze as he gave a nod.

“Thank you, Don.” You smiled at him before avoiding his reaction by climbing into the little space on the bed by his hips. You then made a show of tossing one of your legs over so you were straddling his thighs. His cock still bobbed at the ready in front of you and you had to resist touching it. Instead you palmed the lube and squirted some on your hand. Clasping around the fluid to warm the solution you waited and chanced a peek at him. He didn’t seem as on edge as he had on the couch, but you could see he still had concerns. Dropping your gaze to his member, you wondered how best to do this.

For human anatomy, it made the most sense to push him back where his cock would otherwise lay against his stomach. For Donnie, his plastron was in the way and he had a painful reminder of what that particular move felt like. Knowing then you would have to send him forward, you caged his legs in to push them together tightly. He seemed to catch the drift and closed up with perfect plank-like posture. Chuckling at the imagery, you reached out with slick hands to touch him. Your eye darted to his and he gave another nod that it was okay for you to do so. In a careful show, you skimmed him with your pads before committing to taking him in hand. His lips parted momentarily before he closed them back up. You shuffled forward on your knees until his member bobbed right around your lower torso. Letting go, you then reached around back to catch him again from between your legs. Bending his cock forward, you cleared him and settled on the other side raised high on your knees.

He immediately flared up and his eyes shot wide with alarm.

“Hey.” You held his cock firmly down. “Remember what I said? You’re okay. We’re not doing that. We can stop, but you’re okay. I’ve got you.”

You watched him have an internal struggle with a darting gaze before he relented with a tiny nod.

“I’m not going to let go, but I am going to touch you.”

You got another microscopic nod and readjusted from where the lube was loosening your grip. You then hunched forward to make sure the angle was right before lowering your body. The aim had been good and your pussy carefully landed just shy of the bulb at the root of him. His thighs twitched underneath you and in the barest roll, you dragged your sex back about an inch. The lube you’d applied made for a smooth glide, but you tempered going any further before checking back in with Donnie. His lids were half drawn in desire, but there was a wild air to his gaze that said he was fighting something. Glancing down, his hands were fisted at his sides and you reached out a wet digit to tap his plastron.

“Why don’t you grab my legs? You can get a better feel of where I’m going.”

Donnie was quick to give a rapid nod as he wrapped his thumbs around your thighs with his digits curling back just shy of your ass.

You let him settle before you made that same short journey in a small repetitive stroke. The bulb of him glided through your folds and the feeling of being this close to him after so long was addictive. Not allowing that instinct to take hold, you looked to your partner to find him on the losing side of his tumultuous battle. Feeling confident, you increased the length of him you let rub against you by another inch. He lolled back against your pillow and his fingers flexed into your flesh. Smiling to yourself, you double checked your slippery grip before grinding down on him a little harder.

His hips stuttered at the motion and you wondered how he’d subdued what you were sure was a buck. He seemed increasingly okay by the second so you added a little more of the movement. The bulk of his knot now rubbed fully across you and you stifled a little moan. It cracked his eye open and you hesitated in case watching you was too much. Instead his thumbs gave a push for you to continue. Your grin brightened coyly and he returned a portion of it. With one of your hands free, you rubbed the excess of the lube off on your leg before covering that appendage over his. In a move that surprised you, he released your hip to instead entwine your fingers. It was a bit awkward threading three with five, but you made it work. The hold there was one that struck you as powerful and the bubbling emotion it brought with it welled in your chest.

Fighting a strange sudden urge to cry happy tears, you chanced sliding back even more. A breath escaped Donnie’s lips as his mouth slacked a little.

“Good?” The word popped out without your knowledge.

He gave a satisfied nod.

You squeezed his hand and increased your rocking speed. Sliding up and down his shaft, you felt the way he throbbed against you in a totally new way. Every little ridge felt incredible and your own fluids filled in from where the lube was starting to taper off. From the grip you had just below the ridges of his head, you adjusted to rub the spade gently while still keeping his member down. His sudden sharp inhale said that was a good choice and you instinctually chased his high with your hips. Nearly bumping your hand in each down stroke, you steeled yourself not go so far. Sliding back towards him, you felt his other hand let go of your hip.

Watching curiously, he held it up with the slightest quake that you weren’t sure was caused by your ministrations or not. Slowing down, he made the smallest noise of complaint, but you got to plainly see that there was indeed a nervousness to his offered gesture.

“Are you sure?”

“Keep your hips down, it’ll hold.”

Words from him in this state were a double edged sword. Clarity usually meant he wasn’t as subdued as you hoped. Alternatively, it also meant he was fully aware of the actions he wanted to commit to. Torn, you slid all the way to his hilt before releasing your hold on his cock. There was the slightest shift from its natural curve, but otherwise it did stay in place as again you wiped the little wetness off on your leg before taking his hand. Your fingers wound into his and this time you applied the force there as you shifted back to stroke his length. Coming forward from the action, Donnie gave your hands a tight squeeze that translated right to your heart.

Grinding down under the weight of the affections, you sped up all the more. Just as you had on the couch, that sensation of dual pleasure came about and you let your desires leak out in breathy gasps. Donnie’s head lifted off your pillow as he seemed entranced by the scene. Coaxed by his intensity, you leaned into his vice grip to look down where you could see the base of his cock glistening with your juices between each roll of your hips. The sight snatched your throat and caused a bob of your hips. His cock bounced for a moment and you forced pressure downward to keep anything from happening. You felt a tug on your tether and you looked to find Donnie’s gaze openly oozing lust.

“Lift your hips up at the end.”

Your glide faltered as your clit grazed his bulb. “When… I do that… it curves in… some…”

“It’s okay.”

“Yeah?” You were already sliding back towards his head.

“Yeah.” He gave a confirming nod and you tilted your hips into a flourishing flick. His cock raised in the little freedom it was afforded and the flare of his spade head brushed your core.

A moan poured out of your lips as you raked towards him. He was now pushing and pulling on your limbs and with each backstroke you were instinctually raising a little higher. The threat of him entering increased with each pump and the thought of it caused a flood from you. The squelch of each stroke became more pronounced and your arms began to buckle under Donnie’s force.

“It’s… going to slip in…” You gasped as each roll brought you up more and more as his hips were now moving in tandem.

“Not so… easily…” He heaved back, nearly bouncing you atop him.

“D-don…!” Your voice throttled as he parted your folds which coaxed your entrance more and more. “It’s so wet! Every time I move… It-!”

He yanked you so hard forward you nearly toppled over and his whole body rose up to send you back down his shaft.

“N-no! This angle-!” With an extra little buck from him, you hopped up and his head breached you. A single surprised gasp left you before gravity got its claws into your back. Your wheeze turned into a yelp as you hit the bed and your hips shot up. Hot fluid pumped into you with an intensive force that caused your eyes to roll back. It wasn’t until after the third full blast that you got your pupils sorted. Donnie had flipped you over and had one hand supporting the raise of your hips from your lower back. His other hand wrapped around his cock where he was doing a short stroke at his base to pour his cum into you. He held himself exactly where only his tip had entered. Even without him inside, the excessive amount of cum felt like it hit a filling point and then exceeded in a very real spill that cascaded down the crease of your ass cheeks. He came down with a few extra faint bursts before he slacked above you, seemingly nothing holding his limp form upright.

You watched as his eyes shut and he took breaths that looked metered. His lids then rose and with a lucidity he seemed to review what he had done. The scene was self explanatory and he winced at the sight. “Shit.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at the expletive. “Still had to come inside, hm?”

He shot you a betrayed look before he let your hips fall to the bed. His seed leaked further out onto the sheets and you scrambled to try to stop it.

He didn’t seem to care anywhere near as much. “It’s fine, we’ll change them.”

Relaxing with a pursed lip, you studied him. “Rate your experience?”

He gave you a side eye before sitting down from his haunches. “I’m annoyed.”

“Why?” You clambered upright. “That was incredible.”

“You didn’t cum.”

“You-” You almost smacked your palm into your face. “That’s what you’re upset about!?”

“Of course.”

You pinched his thigh.

“What?” He barked and leaned into your face.

You kissed the tip of his snout.

“Y/N…” He grouched.

“Alright, tell you what…?”

He narrowed his gaze.

“Make me then.”

Comprehension blossomed on his face and you watched him head south.

“Hold it.” You reached out and pushed a digit into his forehead.

He looked at you through your hand.

In a gentle push, you sent him back to the bed.

He complied with a little fight until you crawled up beside him. You laid on your side, facing away, and reached back around to wrangle his arm. When you caught hold of it, you pulled it around you so he was spooning you.

“Let’s see how he’s doing…” Bringing one of your legs up, you reached between to search. You chewed your lip as you found his cock still out. “Perfect.”

“I’m not ready to-”

“That’s fine. We’re still not doing that.” You interrupted and tilted your head to catch a glimpse of him. You sent him a wink before guiding his member between your legs. “You like my thighs, right?”

He nodded into your shoulder, interest piqued, as he peered over to watch what you were doing.

“Good.” You saddled his shaft up against your cunt before closing your thighs down into a grip. “Your turn.”

The arm around you slowly animated until he caught your hip. Not quite satisfied there, he buried his other arm into the bed so it could sneak out around your front. With a proper hold, he gave a small thrust which was lubricated by his fallen seed. The curve of his cock just teased your folds as he pulled back and you knew if he got the position down his head could clip your clit on the way forward. Mirroring your thoughts, he nearly did so but halted as his cock appeared through the other side of your legs.

You tilted again to try to glimpse him, but his chin was rooted to your shoulder. From where your arms were folded up to your chest, you bent one back to brush him in an easing manner. It brought him back and he placed a kiss into your neck as thanks. You squirmed a little, grinding your ass against him for additional encouragement. He puffed an exhale through his nose before he pulled his hips back and then snapped forward. He slid easily and gave into the repetitive motion. Catching your early hypothesis instinctually, each stroke soon sent him bumping against your clit. The friction was good, but too imprecise for what you needed.  

You meant to be content with that as this was for him, but your mouth. “Do you f-feel that?”

His head shifted from where he had it pressed your cheeks together as he worked.

“That’s you…” Your voice peaked as he sent the upward drag higher. “Your cum.”

You could feel his curiosity flare.

“All that wet, sopping, fluid?” You caught his arm to hold on as he sped up. “A little m-me, but mostly you-!”

Burying deeper into your folds to chase the substance, his angle was changing with each thrust.

“From your d-damn breeding kink.” You hiccupped and he refreshed one of the bites into your neck in a chomp that had you biting down a whine as you had more to say. “From you’re always trying to breed me!!”

It elicited a downright feral roar from him as he dipped down and then bucked straight up. It caused the full length of him to enter you in a sudden split that sent your voice so high it cracked and shattered. Punch drunk, you jostled uselessly as he pistoned into you with a vice like grip around your body. Despite the obscene level of wetness, you clamped down desperately as if your very innards knew that was what you’d been craving. 

“Fuck!” The sound popped from you so loud it stunted your own hearing.

He pulled you tighter as if trying to get closer when that was patently impossible. Glued to one another, it all had happened so fast that you didn’t realize his tip was plowing your g-spot until your orgasm was already on the horizon like a runaway train. Delirious, its lights blinded you and you nearly succumbed to the blackout. Your mouth held out as the final reserve if only to ensure you’d be thrown under the oncoming wheels.

“Knock me up!!!”

Donnie’s nails tore at your flesh and he buried himself deeper than he ever had. It almost felt as though something gave as the boiling scorch of his orgasm exploded inside you. You spasmed violently and your head shot back until it crashed into his in a sharp butt. Neither of you cared as you rode out your orgasms in twitching ecstasy.

When you surfaced you could only wonder how you were still awake when you felt his dick still rhythmically twitching inside of you. His hold was making it hard to breathe and you wobbled as you tried to form words. “You’re… still… cumming…?”

He gave the most desperate and quick nod into your wounded shoulder.

You could see the little trail of blood.

He’d definitely bitten the already broken skin a second time.

You had no recollection of that.

You might have wondered if you needed stitches.

Except a volcano could have sprouted in upper Manhattan, erupted, and you would have been none the wiser.

You only knew his orgasm stopped when his body utterly gave out.

The release allowed your lungs to fill.

The rush of oxygen was an unnecessary intoxication on top of your already inebriated mind.

“H-hey, D-don…?”

His consciousness was confirmed by his blink against your skin.

How did you even have words left?

“G-good job.”

His eyes closed.

“You d-did it.”

You could only think of how stupid that sounded. 

Maybe that was the definition of fucked silly.

NEXT

#weakspotfic #rottmnt #rottmnt donnie x reader #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt x reader #donatello hamato #donnie x reader #rise donnie #rise donnie x reader #rottmnt donatello #rottmnt donnie #me #fanfiction #my fanfiction

[vamxxpire]

Thundering Storm. (18+)

Mare Barrow x Tiberias "Cal" Calore VII

(AO3 | Masterlist)

Summary: A continuation of what happened in the woods. (Book 3: King’s Cage, Chapter 22.)

Warnings ⚠️: Mild Angst/Comfort, Traumatic response(?), very light dom/sub undertones if you squint, inexperienced, awkward-ish first times lol

Wc: 5k

A/n: Hii this is written in a way to mimic the series to make it seem like an actual chapter. So after the — — at the start, it’s transitioning into my own writing. The — — at the bottom being the end of it and going back onto the book. Ignore if my writing feels different / weird in here; The goal was to replicate the writing style of the books but also keep my own charm!!

His chest flushed beneath my palms, rising with reckless heat. His skin looks even paler next to mine. Using his teeth, he unlatched his flamemaker bracelets and tosses them into the undergrowth.

“Thank my colors for the rain,” he murmurs.

I feel the opposite. I want to burn.

— —

A rough hand of his continued to trail down my spine, tracing the scars adorning my back. Julian called them Lichtenberg scars, something about my blood bursting from electricity and heat. It was confusing at first to understand, but it made sense. The sounder device used my abilities against me, my own lightings. I still struggle with its pronunciation, but it felt nice to have a name to these wounds. They serve as a constant reminder of what’s happened over the last year, what I’ve had to endure to survive, and who I am. Not Mareena Titanos, or the lightning girl.

But Mare Barrow.

Despite the cold droplets of the storm, Cal’s hands remain a comforting warmth, and are quite easy to pick out where they settled on my body. Not like I’d ignore his touch any time soon.

The palm he had wrapped around my neck, an earlier attempt Cal made to soothe any worries or malicious thoughts of mine, edged my body closer to him. He loomed over me, eyes darting all over my face, taking in every detail as if I’d disappear any second. Both of my hands pressed over his chest, proving I wasn’t some dream. A palm laid flat against the uneasy thumping of his heart that betrayed the calm expression on his face.

I found myself doing the same. I searched his face for any hidden intentions, a habit I’ve formed over the the past six months imprisoned by Maven. No matter how much I try to convince myself I’m safe, to not read so much into actions and people, I continue to do it.

Yet, I find nothing; He remained true to himself, real and raw under my touch. His skin buzzed at my fingertips, and for a moment it reminds me of the electric pulse of the storm, but it was something deeper I can’t harness. It was a heat only I could find in Cal. It danced beautifully in rainfall, drowning out the sounds of pouring water and thunder.

Cal leaned closer into me, pulling me into a kiss. It felt different compared to this morning’s; Gentler, nervous. He squeezed his eyes shut, and I followed suit, feeling the warmth of his fingers tracing the bottom of my scars shift onto my waist in a slow motion. His palm gently nudged my the bottom half of frame forward, bodies pressed against one another. I shifted on my footing, opting to stand on the tips of my feet, reaching upwards for his touch.

My mouth opened, tongue cautiously darting out to lick at his bottom lip for something, asking for anything he would give me. Cal is quick to catch on to my message, instantly being met in kind with his own opening up and pressing against my lips. He answered eagerly, sucking gently on my tongue in a way that made me stutter in breath. My fingers trailed down his muscles, defined from years of training for the war. Quick digits founding the hem of his tight training pants, now drenched and clinging onto his body. Similarly to how I am.

Cal feels me pull at the waistband of his pants, and gasps into my mouth, pulling back from the kiss. My first instinct is to whine out, wanting to continue feeling him even as my lungs scream for air. But it is quickly replaced by worry. “Fuck. Sorry, too soon?” I asked breathlessly. Apologizing came naturally to me now, coming from a place of genuine concern. He shook his head, small droplets dripping from the tips of his hair. He flushed in silver, his blood color reaching the ends of his ears. I understood now, he’s nervous. And so was, my own blush creeping itself onto my face now.

“I just don’t know what to do.” He answered bluntly, a hint of worry in his voice. He was used to planning out things, mapping strategies. He is a born soldier, it was second nature for him to have a clear route. This wasn’t, and it made him embarrassed; Guilty from the lack of knowledge. I felt similarly, maybe for different reasons, but all the while the same.

I chewed on the inside of my cheek, nodding briefly. “I can take off my pants too, if you want.” If. We both knew that word was unnecessary, the sizzling of water against his body was a clear indicator of what we both truly wanted. The heat radiating off him came in strong waves, and while it didn’t burn at my skin, I was grateful for the rain cooling us down enough.

Cal hesitantly nodded, excitement flickering in his eyes, a golden color that reflected his abilities. I pulled back my hands slowly, glancing briefly at my own training pants snuggly hugging at my curves from the rain. I brought my gaze back up to Cal, who intently watched me. I returned the favor, not breaking eye contact as I tugged at the lining of my bottoms, breaking the waist of them free and slowly pulling the fabric down. I didn’t bother to pull them all the way off, letting them sit on my calves as I bent down and brought myself up. I was already struggling pulling them with the weight of the damp material. I don’t want to imagine what it’s like putting them back on.

He swallowed down, jaw clenching as his eyes darted all over my figure, not knowing where exactly to settle themselves. Butterflies settled into my abdomen, and I realized he looked at me similarly the first time we met. It made me feel bare all over again.

He glanced at my crotch, dragging them up my figure and onto my breast, both clothed by black underwear and bra. For a brief second they eyed the spot where Maven’s burn mark original was. While painful, Sara burned at the skin again in order to properly heal it. It felt like a small victory, proof of no longer being in his chains. They finally landed on my face, but not for long. He looked elsewhere, looking everywhere but at me.

“Didn’t think you’d be so shy, Cal.”

His eyes snapped to me, “How can I not be? I’m not as bold as you, Barrow.” A lie, maybe. His voice came out barely above a whisper. As if he were afraid we would be caught if he talked any louder. The trees and sound of the howling wind disguised any trace we could possibly leave.

A half smile tugged at the corners of my lips, making you forget all about the embarrassment from earlier. Even now, the playful bantered continued. “Well. It’s your turn, isn’t it?” I looked down at his own tight pants, emphasizing my point. It did little to the imagination; What I assume is his length, was obviously strained against the wet article of clothing. Cal’s fingers on my waist twitched in response to my shameless eyeing, reluctantly pulling away from my waist. For a second I regretted it, missing the warmth of his hand. But any regret was quickly forgotten as I watched him pull it towards his body, rewarding me with a new sight of Cal pulling at the elastic material.

He stretched them down to the start of his knees, not reaching as far as I did since a hand remained occupied at my neck, spilling a soothing heat onto the skin. My breath hitched, eyes darting over his soaked underwear that matched in color with mine. My body didn’t dare to move, the hairs on it standing on point from the cold water. An electric current ran down my spine, drawing out the scarred tissue.

I didn’t get much time to ogle over the tent in front of me, as he pulled my face up, closer once more to his figure and directing my gaze to his blazing eyes.

“You stare so much.” He muttered lowly, face hovering dangerously close. I swallowed down a lump, trying to ignore the bubbling nervousness in my abdomen. “Same could be said about you. ‘How can I not?’ ” I repeated his words from earlier, though different. In response, he scoffed at me, a crooked smile forming.

“Looks like you’re missing quite a few lessons from Lady Blonos.” Cal hummed lowly and looked down at my lips while his free hand found itself back to its designated spot; Cradling my waist and pressing both our bodies flush. An electric current pumped in my veins, pulsing in time with my heart. I pulled eyes down to his own pair of lips. “Care to teach me, your highness?” I answered teasingly, feeling the his fingers twitch while he took the bait.

Cal was quick to pull me back into a kiss, his eyes closed. I followed suit, savoring how he riled me up. We were hungry, a type neither of us ever felt before unless it was from one another. That much was obvious, and didn’t need to be communicated. But after half a year of being starved of basic needs, of affection and tenderness, I felt desperate. Greedily, I wanted more; And Cal was no fool to the needs of mine, he felt it all the same. So when he pushed me against the dark oak behind me, I didn’t protest, answering with a groan at the sudden harshness. My hands separate from his torso as my mouth easily opened itself once more for him, never finding end to the delicious taste of his tongue. I trailed my palms down to my underwear, quickly pulling the fabric down to the mid of my thighs.

I pulled back for a gasp of air, trailing saliva connecting us, and took it as a chance to peek down. I swallowed down at the sight of his clothed groin pressed against my stomach, and looked back up at him, asking. His eyes searched me as well, and he nodded, giving me all the permission I need to continue.

I moved my gaze back down to his underwear, noticing my own was drenched in something else than rain. My face flushed, blood spreading itself quickly onto my cheeks. Quickly, I diverted my attention to Cal, and with shaky, twitching fingers, pried the hem of his underwear back. I dragged them down enough to spring his length free, gasping at the sight as it slapped against my stomach and warmed me up. He in turn hissed, what I imagine could be from my cool skin.

I felt my mouth drop and lungs stop taking in air, nervously eyeing his dick and its size. Cal squirmed under my staring, and I craned my neck back to stare at him with wide eyes. “Am I going to die?” I breathed out. His eyebrows furrowed together as he grinned, “Maybe. Try not to.” He joked, but quickly his expression softened. “We can take it slow, it uh— it doesn’t have to be today if you’re not ready.” Cal quickly added on. If. I hated the word, but it wasn’t like him to backtrack on his words. So I brought a hand up to his forearm, giving an enthusiastic squeeze.

“I want to.” I whispered, not breaking eye contact.

He stared back, silver blood paled his skin with a blush. “Right. Right, yeah, okay. I want to, too.” He mumbled to me, though it sounded that he was bracing himself more than assuring me. He was afraid for me.

I smiled at his sheepish nature, a new side I’ve never seen. I stood on my toes to wrap my hands around his neck, bringing Cal down for a quick peck at his lips. When I pulled back, I watched as he chased after me. He stopped when I began to slowly bring my kisses down to his jawline, eventually reaching his neck. When he sighed out in content and dropped his shoulders, I continued. “It’ll be okay. I’ll be okay. Just—“ My voice trailed off, bringing a leg up to wrap it around his waist. It doesn’t take much to understand where Im getting at, and without much effort he pulled me upwards, leaning me against the tree behind us. He pulled at one of the legs of my pants, freeing them and giving me free access to move them.

I wrapped my legs around his waist, and Cal held my hips tightly, making sure I don’t fall or slip away from his grasp. I don’t think I ever will, not again. From this position, we could both see all. From the way our chests moved as we breathed, to the way our bodies joined together. If we were back in Norta, anyone would scream at the thought of the Prince, destined to be king, and the soon to be Princess, doing such scandalous things. Lucky we were in Piedmont. And both our destinies were no longer decided for one another.

I watched as his erection throbbed in between my legs, gulping down saliva that pooled in my mouth. He shifted my weight against the bark, taking advantage of how I had my arms around his neck, and legs tightly crossed across his hips. I know Cal would never drop me. That didn’t mean I wasn’t opposed of meeting the floor. Especially when I’m so bare and naked. For once, I hadn’t notice the lack of coziness of his hands as he quickly moved his fist to grasp at his length, swallowing down a grunt, faint enough to be drowned out by the rain. But not my ears. I watched in awe, not being able to tear apart my eyes from the action. And it felt neither could he, his gaze never moving as he began to line himself up against me.

Without moving his gaze, he squeezed lightly at my neck, checking in on me. Asking for permission once more. I eagerly squeezed at his own toned back, fingers tapping against the skin now as embarrassment bubbled itself back; It finally began to dawn in at the vulnerability, nakedness of it all. Yet the fire between us refused to be extinguished by mere emotions.

That was all he needed, and he glided his dick in between my folds, as it was practically drenched with slick. After a few testing thrusts, and surprising whines from my end urging him on, he finally pushed. My eyebrows scrunched together, feeling my heart skip a beat while I focused on the sensation of him stretching me. I bit back any sounds, nearly breaking the skin under my lip. Cal wasn’t so subtle in his reaction, hissing out and cursing under his breath as merely the tip being popped inside. His fist, originally grasped at the base, flew onto my hip and gripped tightly for some sort of stability.

“ ‘M gonna start moving.” He said for both our well beings. Even as he hadn’t moved yet, It was a burn I’ve never experienced before. It felt similar to his fire and my lighting, sending jolts down my legs, and up to the nape of my neck. Yet it remained new, the sparks that danced along my skin not being familiar to me, fed by something entirely different. It felt good, and it wasn’t even as close to starting.

While originally he faced a bit of resistance, after a brush of his thumb at my scars, I calmed down and eased up. I watched as Cal inched inside me, agonizingly slow. While he inched in an unbearable pace, it was overwhelming. I was feeling myself being stretched, the hum of the storm, and Cal’s fiery blaze all wrapped up uncomfortably around us. My mind raced with various thoughts all coming to dead ends or reaching pointless conclusions.

For once I felt graceful the exiled prince didn’t have his flamemakers, in fear of what it would be like to sense the true intensity of his flames. It was the thing that defined him. Without it, he was just like any other red trained soldier. No, that’s not right. Cal is Cal, with or without his abilities. No one will be able to take that away from him, or me.

With a groan pulled out of the both of us, Cal finally bottomed out; Joining our bodies together, hips flushed against one another. He stilled his movements, and I was thankful for the thousandth time these last two weeks. Small tears clouded my vision as I blinked rapidly, swallowing down air into my lungs that lost itself from the exchange. I dragged my face up, eyes finding Cal who was already staring at me. The world around us seemed to fade, leaving us the only two people existing as of right now. Finally, I understood what the scholars in Julian’s book were talking about, why the Gods cursed us. It wasn’t for our abilities, or because of silver blood, but for the sins of humanity. I felt every hint of them; Pride, Greed, Wrath, Envy, Gluttony, Sloth, and especially Lust, as I stared up at Cal.

A part of me wondered if he felt the same, or understood what nonsense wracked my brain. For a second it felt like he did, as if he were a Whisper and could read my thoughts. Though, he seemed to be in his own head instead. I nodded briefly, encouraging him on once I felt ready.

Albeit shaking, from the rain or something else, he pulled back his hips in the same tauntingly slow manner. Only to move his hips forward and flush against me; He was more understanding with the purposeful and gentle pace he set. The air around us felt intoxicating, all sound drowned out by our small grunts and moans. “Tell me if it’s too much.” He said abruptly through gritted teeth. I knew I wouldn’t have to. I wanted to feel it all, no matter how bad. I nodded anyways for his sake.

With no warning, he picked up the pace, his hips snapping harshly against mine. I struggled to breathe as the air was fucked out of my lungs, involuntarily digging my nails into the flesh of his back for some sort of support. A moan was dragged out from my throat, and I dug my head into the crook of his neck to shut myself up. The action only fueled Cal, like coal to a flame, and the intensity of his thrusting picked itself up. “Look at me,” I hear his voice muffled; Drowned out by my voice, the slap of skin, and thumping heart in my ears. But this doesn’t stop the words from bringing me back to Norta, to Maven when he had asked for my gaze, seconds before using the painful device on me. And for a second I panic, bolts jumping under the tips of my fingers begging to be released. His words bring me to the sounding device, making me hear the painful ringing in my ear.

I squeeze my eyes shut, wanting to run away from my thoughts and sound. The storm on top of us rumbled with thunder, syncing up with my emotions as I began to hyperventilate. With a gentle but firm tug of someone’s hand deep into my hair, I’m pulled back to face something. I snap my eyes open and searched wildly, afraid. I quickly realized who brought me towards his face, making me look at him. And I felt grateful. It was still Cal.

Im safe; I’m safe; I’m okay. Repeated in my head. I could write the words with my eyes closed from how many times I’ve repeated them these last two weeks. But no matter how safe Piedmont was, how far away we were from Norta, Maven still had his claws deep into me. His brand, long gone, continued to burn under my collar. And while my body healed, my mind didn’t. As if sensing where my thoughts were going, he traced my scars with his thumb, slowly reaching his touch up to my cheek. This became a habit between the two of us. I panic, pulled into the dark place of my brain, and he pulls me back with simple touches that made the cold go away. “Hey,” He said with a hushed voice. I swallowed down, throat dry and vision blurred with tears I didn’t realize formed and were wetting my cheek. I pretend it’s just rain. “Hey.” I responded back, voice hoarse. His eyes flickered all over my face, studying it for the millionth time. He squeezed at my cheek, silently asking.

Are you okay?

I breathed heavily, I didn’t know the answer to the question, but still squeezed at his muscled back .

Yes.

After a moment given to control my breaths and calm down, he broke the sounds of our breathing. “Can I uh. Move?” He asks, and I’m pulled back into moment. I realize how tightly snug he fit into me, and how my body ached painfully for something else. Embarrassingly, I answered as soon as the words left his mouth. “ Yes.” I hissed, but it didn’t stop there. “Fuck Cal, please. I need it.” The prince wasn’t used to begging from me, neither was it. These months changed us. Though it seemed to have an effect on him, and I heard a shaky breath leave him. He gripped at my hair, tugging me back and making me groan mindlessly, clenching around his dick. His hips stuttered, and I watched as my actions indirectly pulled a low moan from him. He pulled me into a desperate, needy kiss. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve felt his lips today. Too focused on elsewhere, I returned the kiss sloppily, the feverish movements making it difficult to even keep my head straight.

I felt my mind swirl, and I squeezed my eyes shut again to concentrate on something, anything. But Cal wasn’t having any of it, he didn’t want to lose me again. “What are you thinking?” His voice beckons, and my eyes open to look at him. I hadn’t realized we stopped kissing. But I didn’t complain. The image of Cal itself almost finishes me, a coil tightly wrapping itself on my abdomen. It reminds me of the storm, close enough to feel it, but not quite there.

Cal stared at me with lidded eyes and blown out pupils, lips parted as he breathed heavily. It reminds me of when we shared a room back in Tuck. The words get caught in my throat, and after a particular thrust, I cried out. I searched for air, forcing myself to speak. “I don’t know.” I answered breathlessly. He dryly laughs, the grip at my hips tightening as he shifted, angling himself to fuck me better. It he weren’t holding me so tightly I think I would’ve broken apart, putty under his hot touch. “No Mare— Fuck. I mean. Do you feel good?” He paused in between words, catching his breath in the spaces with the occasional moan. As soon as I processed the words, my head snapped up and down, nodding. It was more than good, it made all of my senses fry, it didn’t feel enough yet it was too much. I couldn’t find the words, so instead my nails dug into his skin, dragging them back up painfully.

That was all he needed, a shiver rocked his body, and suddenly he was too caught up on me to entertain conversation. His movements became harsh, and with them his length jabbed at a particular spot that made the purple sparks of my electricity cloud my vision. My mouth fell slack, babbling nonsense as different kind of sounds left me. His movements were erratic, waves of pleasure hitting me harder every time. He leaned his face closer, teeth scraping against my cheek as silent words reached my ears. ‘I love you.’

Like a dam, I broke open. The cables of my abdomen was quickly becoming loose and springing around like a live wire, and all I could do was grab onto Cal; My anchor as I came. My walls squeezed at him without my knowing, and with a guttural groan from Cal, he quickly pulled out, with a twitch thickly spilling all over my stomach.

Fireworks continued to spark behind my eyes, not noticing the sudden emptiness. My body shook, jolting from the intensity of my orgasm. Sounds of our heavy breathing and gasping filled the air, still humid from rain. The storm was beginning to pass as it didn’t pour so heavily, indicating it’ll soon only be the two of us left.

I blinked rapidly, hauling Cal into view through teary eyes. I watched as his chest moved up and down with quick, shallow breathes. He laid his forehead against mine, the tips of our noses touching as we didn’t dare to stop looking at one another, afraid it could all be a dream. But we were both here, and very much real. I rubbed at his shoulders, feeling the traced shapes he drew into my skin.

After what felt like hours of crying and Cal brushing away my weeping with the back of his hand, muttering sweet words of encouragement and praise; He slowly moved me down from the tree. He held me steady until my feet touched the ground. Even then, he continued to hover his hands over my waist and neck, afraid I’d break apart, and I almost do, my knees buckling as I stood on wobbly legs. I was thankful for the rain, as it washed away the evidence of his orgasm on my stomach, and the remains of my sobs. The hand tracing at my neck scars trailed up my jaw, then chin, and he cupped at it softly, making me look up.

Too exhausted to speak, we opted to communicating wordlessly, a fun game. He kissed my forehead, ‘thank you’. Then pressed another at the top of my head, out of worry. I grinned sheepishly, kissing back at his collarbone and leaning into his touch. I pressed at his biceps, kneading the muscle. With a long drag from his arm to his side; I relished the last shiver I’ll pull out of him, for now. My fingers trailed until they bumped at his underwear, tugging his semi hard length back into its containment. I watched Cal grimace, and I burst out laughing. Speaking came too easy for us now.

“It’s cold.” He grumbled, for the first time his rough palm left my neck, both his hands trailing down my sides to grab at my underwear. He began pulling it up to cover at my bits, returning my gesture. My eyes narrowed, smiling at the complimentary actions.

“Water never sat well with the Prince of Fire, did it?” I answered back slyly , pulling up my training pants and and looking around for my shirt.

He pulled up his own bottoms, picking at his flamemaker bracelets he had previously discarded nearby. With a click, they latched onto his wrist, and he flexed his fingers. “I wouldn’t mind it if it meant we’d get to do this more often.” He answered nonchalantly, though I could hear the mischievous smirk from his tone.

I flushed, blood pooling at my face, and I bit at my tongue to hold whatever response was ready leave me. If I had it my way and didn’t know better, I would beg him to shove me against the tree for a second round. Instead, I shrugged, fighting back a snort and losing. I grabbed at my drenched shirt and twist it, watching as the water fell onto the grassy earth. “I’ll make sure to track the next storm then.” I joked back, making him pale with a blush. Now it was my turn to sneer as I pulled the wet shirt over my frame. I huffed, scrunching my eyebrows at the familiar feeling of cut skin at my back, probably from the oak tree.

As he stretched, I saw the same reaction be pulled from Cal. His eyebrows knit together, confused, lips forming a thin line. “Fuck Mare.. how bad did you claw at me?” He muttered, turning for me to view. I gasped softly at the state. Silver blood trailed down his back, long scratch lines and cuts dragging themselves on his back and over his shoulder. Despite it being his blood, the sight was oddly erotic. Blood trailed around his muscles and made them pop out. Bringing up my wrists, I looked at my fingers, finding faint metallic color on the tips.

I held back a giggle. “This is going to be awkward for Sara.” I bent down to grab at his shirt, and wrung out the water, handing it over once it felt dry enough. I moved my hands to repeat the action towards my dark hair adorned with grey curls, squeezing the water out. He smiled at me, pulling the top over his head and wincing at the cold fabric against wounds. “Not if we don’t get her to heal us. I’d love to keep these.” He winked at my direction, now it was my turn to turn away from him; Starting to walk as my face and ears felt hot at the implication.

Cal barked out a genuine laugh, jogging to catch up to me. “For the person who made the first move to fuck in the woods, you are easily embarrassed, Barrow.” He said lowly. I turned my face to glare at him, my grin betraying my look. “Whatever. You were shaking as if a Shiver touched you.” I scoffed, looking ahead as we made our way out of the woods. His own grin reached his eyes, narrowing happily.

His look shifted over to my curls, and he stifled a noise by bitting his bottom lip. “C’mere, you have something stuck in your hair,” Cal reached a lazy hand over, and began to pull out green vegetation from the tree out of me.

— —

I refuse to go back to the row house covered in mud, and due to Cal’s oh-so-inconvenient living quarters, I can’t clean off his barracks unless I feel like sharing the showers with a dozen other soldiers. He picks leaves out of my hair as we walked towards the base hospital, a squat building overgrown with ivy.

"You look like a shrub," he says, sporting an almost-manic smile.

“That's exactly what you're supposed to say."

Cal nearly giggles. "How would you know?"

"I— ugh," I deflect, ducking into the entrance.

#victoria aveyard #red queen #red queen series #book series #glass sword #king’s cage #mare barrow #tiberias vii calore #cal calore #red queen fanfic #marecal #calmare ? #I don’t know their ship name lol

[hopelesstaemintic]

A Series of Fortunate Events

My first work and currently the longest. Chapters focus on one or two members and can be read as one-shots but there is an overarching narrative if you are so inclined

Status:

Complete (20/03/22), 52,469 words, 10 chapters.

Summary:

You’re the thirty-something year old female manager of NCT 127 in a parallel universe where there is absolutely nothing wrong with mixing work and pleasure. Never mind the age-gap. Fun and adult frolics ensue. Remember everyone, consent is important.

Relationships:

Haechan/Reader, Taeil/Reader, Jaehyun/Reader, Yuta/Reader, Johnny/Reader, Taeyong/Reader, Doyoung/Reader, Jungwoo/Reader, Mark/Reader

Tags:

f/m, female reader, older woman/younger man, porn-with-feelings, mommy-issues, threesome (F/M/M), Oral sex, rough sex, kissing, explicit-consent, heterosexual-sex, fluff-and-smut, voice-kink, shower-sex

Link to full work

Preview:

Chapter 1: A Quiet Night In

“Dammit”

The keypad beeped angrily at you as you struggled to put in the right code whilst holding the heavy grocery bags. The plastic was beginning to cut into your fingers as you began your third attempt when you were cut short by the door swinging inwards.

“Noona… What on earth are you up to? I thought you were a saeseng.”

“And you still opened the door? Seriously? Mark, what would you have done if I was?”

“Errr…”

At that moment a shout came from inside: “Are you going to let her in or what, Canada? I’m starving” 

“Lovely to see you too, Haechan” you called back, looking past Mark who was still standing dumbfounded in the doorway. “Come on, we can talk about your lack of self-preservation later.”

You bundled past Mark, taking off your shoes as he belatedly grabbed half of the bags and carried them through to the kitchen. Experience had taught you not to depend on the contents of NCT 127’s fridge, so you had bought more than you might need. Plus it had been a long promotion so you’d stocked up on soju and beer. 

It had taken a while to settle into this job and for the boys to become comfortable having you around. You didn’t blame them. On stage they might seem superhuman but being an idol made you vulnerable. One wrong move and Dispatch could end your career and really mess-up your private life. Boundaries were important and trust had to be earned.  

When you had signed up to be considered for a manager role you didn’t think you’d get it, and you really hadn’t imagined managing a male group. Still, a job was a job and the 10-year age-gap helped - you were hardly a potential romantic interest - and maturity had taught you the difference between friendliness and flirting. Despite the occasional chaos and frat-boy facade, two years had made you a little soft on them. “Perhaps too soft” you thought as menace number one bounded into the kitchen and practically tackled you into a hug. 

“Haechan-ah, let me breathe. Jesus. I thought you were hungry”

“Hungry for NOONA” he yelled in your ear as he  playfully attempted to steal a kiss on the cheek

“HELP, SOMEBODY, I’M BEING ATTACKED BY A SMALL PUPPY”

“Haechanie, leave Noona be”

“Thanks, Taeil”.

You breathed out as Haechan finally let go, pouting. He could never say no to his Hyung. 

Taeil wandered further into the room, going to the sink and washing his hands before starting to unpack the bags. Now that there was actual cooking to be done Mark and Haechan got bored and slunk off to the living room. Relative peace returned and all you could hear was the low murmur of FIFA from the next room. 

“If you are tired you can join them, it my treat tonight and you’ve had so many performances lately.”

“Nah, I’m good. I want to help.” Taeil quietly got stuck in to prepping the salad so you could focus on the carbonara. You smiled to yourself enjoying the relative peace. You didn’t let it fool you though, Taeil and his competitive ass would be the first one yelling after a couple of beers. The memory of the last time he drank and challenged Johnny to a duel made you smirk. At that moment he reached over, leaning against your arm to grab the serving tongs. His proximity caught you by surprise. He always smells so damn good. Just as you have the inappropriate thought you catch his eye and suppress a blush.

“Hmm”, he said, “suspicious”. 

“What’s suspicious?” Johnny loomed in the doorway,  arms hanging on the top of the frame. 

“Do you want to call the others? It’s nearly ready”. Taeil deflected the question lightly but at the same time he moved close behind you and pressed his body against you gently. When Johnny had gone to round-up the others you turned and raised an eyebrow. Taeil just smiled and went to go grab the beer from the fridge, but not before lightly squeezing your bum. “What in the world?” you thought, but before you could call him out he had already left to set the table. 

continue reading here

#nct smut #nct 127 #nct x female reader #older women and younger men #fluff and smut #taeil x reader #haechan x reader #jaehyun x reader #johnny x reader #taeyong x reader #yuta x reader #doyoung x reader #jungwoo x reader #mark x reader

[luckydragon10]

Bad Bet question:

Do you have scenes that didn't make it into the story? Any that you could share or things you thought about and couldn't find a place for that you still really liked?

I had a lot of half-fleshed out ideas that didn't make the cut.

*** Some Bad Bet SPOILERS under the cut ***

This quote is from Chapter 22:

Kim raises his eyebrows. “A man like Davies…” Kim slowly shakes his head. “He’s gone too far already. But I agree with Khun. We need to be smart about how we do this. If Arm can get me a location, I can get in and gather the intelligence we need.”  “Denied,” Kinn says sharply. 

I actually put this bit into the story as a joke to myself because I had originally outlined for Kim to investigate and get captured by Davies. It was honestly a really a terrible plot line for my story needs, and I hated it. I could FEEL that it was the wrong way to go, so I couldn't even make myself write it. It's what got me hung up during my hiatus. So eventually I scratched it.

Other deleted scenes:

I originally had thoughts around exploring Porsche "sleeping rough" after Kinn sets him free, exploring how he dealt with homelessness, how he would find someplace to sleep at night. But that would have really slowed down the story and wasn't really essential, so I threw Jom at Porsche ASAP to speed things up.

I thought about Kinn throwing a whole "free tattoo day" for his staff as a part of helping Porsche get a tattoo. I was even going to have Vegas and Kinn do a silly little cousin bonding and get small tattoos together. Honestly, I'm cringing even mentioning this now. That idea was over the top and not really fitting with the story. So I toned it down to the cafeteria scene where bodyguards (and an auntie) were showing off.

I originally thought I'd explore Porsche and Chay having more of a rift between them after their reunion, due to the strangeness of being unfamiliar with each other. I went a much more subtle route with that.

Not a scene exactly, but a theme: I had early thoughts around an "is this love even real?" theme that I would play with for both KinnPorsche and KimChay. Ended up ditching that. It really didn't suit the story as it took shape.

There were a lot (a LOT) of half-written dialogue lines, like scrap pieces, that simply didn't make it into the final fic. Many of them were from early brainstorming, me getting a feel for the characters and how they'd be different for Bad Bet.

This is just a tiny, tiny glimpse into what DIDN'T make it into the story. I have about 25-26 pages of super-messy outline in two separate docs, and as I look through the first doc, there's SO much early brainstorming that never made it to the fic.

#nemi answers #bad bet #kinnporsche #my fic #deleted scenes #creative writing