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#so the average mc player knows So Much but like. so does everyone else
neos-schlond-poofa · 2 months
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Resident Lover: Mario Kart Play Styles
One fun fact about me is one of my longest reoccurring hyperfixations is Mario Kart (specifically Wii). It’s been this way since I was 4. I’m 17 now. So now I’ll use my knowledge from the years on my current main hyperfixation. I think this is what the fandom needs. To know how I, a Mario Kart scholar, would say the Resident Lover cast would play. Also I’m writing this with Mario Kart 8 Deluxe in mind.
Cass - Extremely hardcore. She tries to pick the best stats in game and has done her own little research in time trials. She strictly plays on bikes as one of the princesses. She doesn’t keep up to date with the current online vehicle combos, she strictly uses her own. She finds it to be much more personalized and when she wins with it, it boosts her ego a bit. She always tries to front run; she hates people who bag, and she’s extremely smart about which items she uses. She always has smart steering and auto acceleration off. She has also mastered all the shortcuts.
Dani - Even more hardcore. She doesn’t play about Mario Kart. She knows all the stats and uses combos shared online. She’s pretty similar to Cass, but just better. 90% of the time she beats Cass. Funky Kong main.
Bela - She sucks at this game. She tries to be good, but fails spectacularly. She only plays Rosalina too and takes 10 minutes making her vehicle based on stats, which she doesn’t understand.
Angie - Sober Angie is alright at this game. Just an average gamer. But drunk Angie is insane. She has no strategy. She goes wild. She sometimes just gets last place, but she screws everyone else so much during the race it enrages everybody. If she isn’t getting last place, she’s getting first place. Also only can win if she’s playing Toad or Toadette.
Donna - She’s quite literally just a casual player. She doesn’t like to use items on people she plays with (unless she’s in a really silly mood) and apologizes if she hits them. She’s probably won twice in her life. She falls off almost all the time and only plays Luigi in a car, but specifically the like Kia car they have like the weird realistic one.
Alcina - Only plays if she has had enough wine. Ultimately sucks at it still and thinks it’s just not a good game. But she also doesn’t really like video games in general, so does her opinion matter? She only plays as Pauline.
Miranda - She doesn’t play. Ever. She claims it gives her a migraine. Even if Eva begged, she wouldn’t play it. Maybe the migraine claim is just an excuse so the others won’t find out she literally sucks.
MC - Has the most fun playing Mario Kart. Truly doesn’t care about placement and always bags in races. They love getting all the speed items and sets up custom lobbies that only has those available. Yoshi is their favorite and will only play as Yoshi. Forgets a lot about stats and sticks to visuals instead.
Heisenberg - Plays once in a blue moon. Somehow always wins. Usually picks Bowser, but doesn’t have a specific main.
Mia - Never wins. Does not have a consistent play style at all. Only plays as Dry Bones.
if parts of this makes no sense, i barelt slept last night and am so disoriented from my tiredness i can’t register what i type. but i know i’m right.
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northern-passage · 2 years
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oh im SO glad you said that thing about hating comments on an MC'S hotness. like, no, my MC is not hot. they are average at best. i have a thing about making characters look distinctive over them looking hot, and i hate when it's assumed that everyone is going to make a hot conventionally attractive mc and not some weird little wet rat of a person
LOL well to be fair i think it depends, attractiveness is subjective, people are going to be attracted to different things and i don't necessarily think a character finding an mc hot and complimenting them necessarily = the mc being conventionally attractive. however, the way the comments like that are usually written make it clear that the assumption Is that the mc is conventionally attractive, if that makes sense.
they'll comment something specifically about your looks in a way that is usually out of pocket and inappropriate for the setting/current situation and it's really immersion breaking for me. i try to avoid direct physical compliments like that when it comes to the companions, or at least write them in a way that actually suits the hunter, and i try my best to avoid implying conventional beauty standards. Noel compliments their scars, Clementine admires their muscles/strength and can quite literally grope the hunter's bicep in the lift (lol), and there are times where Merry can call the hunter "cute" in a way that is clearly meant to both annoy and fluster them.
but i can't imagine any of them stopping in like the heat of battle to comment about how hot the hunter is in that moment, or like a specific scenario i see a lot is the mc being pissed off and someone commenting about how hot it is... imagine if any of the ROs came in after the introduction to Duncan and said something about how hot the hunter looks.... i don't know, it sounds so ridiculous to me, and if i was the hunter in that situation and someone said some shit to me like that it would just piss me off mdfnsdkjf
it just doesn't fit the tone, or make sense with how any of the characters actually act or how they treat the hunter. a lot of times it feels forced and is just jarring, like everyone is breaking character to directly compliment the player or something.
this is all just personal opinion, though. i know specifically in IF/VNs/romance focused games, people play them literally Because they want characters to call them attractive/be head over heels for them, i know it's meant to be escapism and fantasy, and i'm not trying to like "bash" anyone that does like it. but for me it just breaks immersion and i typically avoid games like that. i prefer slow build-ups and emotional moments over time rather than immediate, intense physical attraction between LIs and the player character.
edit because i thought of something else: i think my issue w it too is that... attraction is more than just physical!!! some romance content focuses SO much on the physical descriptions/the physicality of it, constant compliments on appearances/looks while completely excluding the intimate moments and the mundaneness of romance, the “i bought this cus i thought of you,” the “i cooked your favorite for dinner bc you had a bad day,” the actual friendship that romance requires. it’s not all just physical attraction, there needs to be something else there for it to be compelling and interesting.
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proteuus · 3 years
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I love talking to my dad about minecraft because he doesn't know anything about it so literally everything I tell him is new to him and it's so good !!
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The Demon Bros Play DND!
Who’s ready for some Stupid Headcanons?
So, the Satanic Panic of the 1980s claimed that the tabletop RPG known as Dungeons and Dragons had the power to turn your children into satanists and devil worshippers. So of course, the brothers have totally played DND after hearing about all the human world nonsense.
Lucifer the Back-up Back-up DM
He’s too busy to play this game dammit, stop inviting him! What do you mean both Satan and Simeon can’t DM the one-shot? Ugh... fine.
Despite all his UUUUUUUUGGGGHHH, Lucifer is a damn good storyteller, prepare to be immersed as hell.
Also, sorry guys, he’s a rule whore. If something’s against the rules, YOU AREN’T DOING IT.
He’s also a complete sadist who will randomly get everyone to roll perception checks for NO REASON.
Lucifer has definitely stood up and slammed his hands on the table while giving a description for extra effect, Mammon screamed and nearly fell out of his seat which REALLY ruined the mood.
“Everyone, we’re rescheduling, I’m too busy.”
He’s been a player a few times, and he’s NOT good at it. All his characters end up being really generic and boring. He’s better at being the world and everything in it, not the dummy wandering around it.
Human/fighter lookin’ motherfucker
In conclusion, he’s a good DM, but he’s probably too busy to play.
Over-Powered Self Insert (Mammon)
This game is for nerds! He’s not playin’, Levi!
Fine, his character is great and amazin’ and is also him. MC! What do these numbers mean-
Mammon’s the type of player to make his character a self insert and not take it too seriously, then get really REALLY attached as the campaign progresses.
He’s the type not to make a backstory for his character either, so go wild DM MCs!
He also both purposefully and accidentally metagames a whole bunch. Like dude, YOU know this, YOUR CHARACTER DOES NOT.
Shit he forgot his dice, can he borrow some?
“Okay MC, that’s five points of piercing damage.” “I RUN OVER AND HEAL THEM! I’LL SAVE YA MC!”
Mammon goes out of his way to save MC’s character long before it would make sense in-character to do so.
“Well, as your first man it’s my duty to save your character! You’ll probably be a blubberin’ mess if I didn’t...”
He’s not the best role player, but he’s also not the worst at it either. He tends to break character when things get too serious and he doesn’t know what to do.
Notes who? He came in here with one sheet of printer paper and it’s for doodling only.
He and Asmodeus start the tavern brawls. No question about that.
Theft is very common, he’s stealing from everyone, including but not limited to: the party, the royal guards, the dead enemies, the giant fuck-you dragon that Satan dropped in there to deter Mammon from stealing...
“I’m gonna steal that crown from the dragon.” “Roll stealth.” “Nat 20 BITCHES.” “Fuck you.”
If his character dies, may the Demon King have mercy on his greedy little soul because he’s going to mope about it for a damn long time.
Over-Powered Self Insert Again (Leviathan)
His character totally isn’t a self insert, shut up! He just looks and acts like an idealized version of himself!
He’s the one with twenty pages of character info and backstory AND the amazing commissioned art.
Levi has about 40 sets of expensive blue dice that he claims gives him the best rolls but an average session with him usually leads to roughly 10 crit fails.
While his luck with dice isn’t that good, he’s the player who will get as much out of their turn as possible, AKA break out the calculators and notes we’re doing some math.
His turn goes on for at least ten minutes because of all the shit he’s doing. When you finally think it’s over he goes “I still have my movement!”
Takes notes like a madman, every bit of lore and character info is being written down, meaning it’s a headache for everyone involved if there’s a continuity error because Levi WILL point it out.
“So you all head to the east, the great Valley of-” “Hang on, valley? In the second session you said there was a mountainous area to the east.” “Levi, shut up.”
Levi is the self appointed “guys come on let’s get back on track!” player, and whoever’s DMing is grateful to have him.
Levi is kind of the opposite of Mammon in terms of character seriousness, at first he’s taking everything super seriously and then as the campaign goes on he slowly loosens up and has some fun.
Out of curiosity one day he searches up a magical girl DND class and he’s ALL OVER IT. PLEASE LET HIM BE A MAGICAL GIRL NEXT CAMPAIGN-
Damn good at roleplaying, he’s carrying the entire in-character discussion until everyone else gets into it.
The Done With Your Bullshit DM (Satan)
So, this is the game that’s supposedly summoning him all the time despite the fact that he hadn’t been up to the human world since the 50s... what the fuck is everyone on up there?
It was the 80s, probably a lot of drugs.
When Satan DMs, you can only break the rules if it enhances the story... or if it fucks with Lucifer’s really boring character.
He will fudge dice rolls every once and a while, he also gets very attached to the characters everyone has made so he doesn’t want to perma-kill any of them unless they roll a DND quadruple natural 1 sin or something.
As attached as he gets, he isn’t above completely raging, killing everyone’s characters, and ending the session if everyone’s being annoying.
Don’t worry, your characters will be safe and sound next session once everything calms down... just don’t mention how Satan burned your character sheet right in front of you. It’s your fault if you didn’t make a second copy of your character sheet!
He’s pretty decent when it comes to improv when a player stumbles into something he didn’t plan out, but that’s not going to stop him from getting a little annoyed.
Though, if you somehow manage to get to the big bad too soon... yeah sorry, he’s got a way more dramatic fight scene planned, your player’s getting conveniently blasted out of there.
As a player, Satan is pretty decent at the game overall, but he tends to be a little aggressive if there’s an overarching mystery to be solved.
He needs to understand what’s going on! He doesn’t care if it upends the plot or it’s too early to find out! He needs to know!
His character is actually distinct and different from himself, Satan thinks it’s more interesting that way. All the books he’s read have made him a pretty awesome role player!
Satan’s notebook both as a DM and a player is filled to the brim, no detail is too insignificant to be put on the page.
Satan doesn’t fear dungeon puzzles... dungeon puzzles fear Satan.
“Are you all stupid?! This puzzle is so easy a four year old could solve it!”
I ROLL TO SEDUCE- (Asmodeus)
At first he didn’t want to play, he doesn’t play these kinds of games, sweetie. He’s too pretty.
When he’s finally convinced he puts a decent amount of effort into his character, but leaves the backstory pretty open.
Asmo would probably be the bard... right? No. He’s the warlock with the magic sugar daddy patron, and the warlock patron is spoken to as such.
“Hey baby... how’ve you been? Have I been good~?” “...”
Huh! Who woulda thought that all the bedroom roleplaying would transfer so well to DND!
Simeon is the only DM that doesn’t immediately shut this down, so Asmo will be extra inclined to play if Mr. Nice Shoulders is DMing.
When he gets really into it he buys a bunch of sparkly and very pretty dice, they bring him good luck in every roll!
Asmo has a fictional harem, no question about it. It gets to the point where Satan, Lucifer, and Simeon stop describing NPCs as attractive.
He’s rolling to seduce either way, he’s turned many an antagonist into a lover. To be fair, Asmo’s horniness has gotten everyone out of a lot of jail cells... so they can’t complain.
His notes consist of really random comments about the plot and the other players. It’s also COATED with doodles.
‘Wow, this character is such an asshole, I hope Belphie kills them.’ ‘Shit.’ ‘MC looks so cute when they play their character!!!!!!!! :D’
Poor bab forgets the rules a lot... it’s just too much to remember, okay?! How was he supposed to know that he ran out of spell slots an hour ago?!
Please help him, MC...
*Dice Cronch* (Beel)
Homeboy has been given edible dice, no question. He has also eaten the non-edible dice...
Beel goes to Satan for help with making his character, and he ends up really loving the character! :D
Problem is, he’s not that good at roleplaying... D:
“Can my character eat that person?” “Beel, no- you know what? Let me check what you’d need to roll to do that.”
I’ll save you MC part 2 electric boogaloo, but when it comes to Beel, the entire party is getting protected, no matter how little it makes sense in-character.
While Beel does take notes, a lot of them don’t end up being very important for later events. For example, he’ll jot down stuff about the layout in one room, but it turns out he didn’t take notes for the room that was actually going to be used for a boss fight.
He’s always nice to the NPCs, shame Belphie doesn’t show them the same courtesy.
Murder Hobo (Belphie)
Chaotic evil.
“Belphie, your character’s alignment is neutral good, remember?” “Fuck that, this guy’s annoying me.”
If Belphie doesn’t like an NPC, it’s up to the rest of the party to stop him from derailing the campaign and killing them.
He has space themed dice because cow-man likes space and thought they were pretty.
Notes? NOTES? You think Belphegor, the Avatar of SLOTH, takes notes? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-
He’s drooling all over the notebook... ew. Someone wake him up and tell him it’s his turn.
He puts about 35% effort forth to make a halfway decent character, and approximately 4% effort to actually roleplay.
Belphie sleeps through important plot details so he’s almost always really confused. He’ll turn to MC and ask them to explain what he missed before not learning his lesson and going back to sleep.
Wake him up for the dungeon puzzles though, he and Satan love those.
“Okay, we can’t see what’s in the room because none of the conscious party members have dark vision?” “Nope, what do you do?” “...I shove Mammon inside and shut the door.” “WHAT?!”
Bonus! The Best DM (Simeon)
Our favourite angel has homebrewed this entire campaign and boy fricken howdy are these players going to enjoy it.
Simeon fudges the dice rolls to avoid anything too irreversibly bad happening, buuuuuuut he’s still a total asshole who does the random perception rolls to keep everyone on their toes.
Everyone gets a character arc god dammit, even if they don’t have a backstory, one will be provided!
He’s got a map, he’s got miniatures, he’s got dice and backup dice for the backup dice, he’s got DM notes for days!
Simeon could be a voice actor with the amount of character voices he can do, no one ever gets confused with who’s talking.
Did someone just uncover a massive bit of plot that was meant to be found out later? Good job! No harm done! Simeon’s DM improv is second to none, and the plot will adjust accordingly!
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I really want to read the post where you say "why Ravenclaw is the House that suits MC the most in the main story" but I dont find it
I haven’t ever made a full length post about it, come to think of it. I’ve talked about it in previous Ask responses but admittedly I have quite a few of those. So I suppose now is as good a time as any! 
Ultimately, HPHM’s story is designed so that any House can work for Jacob’s Sibling. Obviously, no one House is “canon” over the others. But in my personal opinion, certain Houses do make more sense for different reasons. Everything can change based on how you characterize MC, but setting aside the dialogue choices, they tend to have a general personality that fills in for most of the scenes. It’s average, a kind of “everyman” type. And certain choices can arguably be considered “canon” when they’re the ones that are free, placed next to choices that are locked behind attributes or friendship checks. That is the general vision of MC that I’ll be analyzing. 
But first, the characters. 
One of the primary reasons that MC fits Ravenclaw the best in the Main Story is because there are several characters who are aligned to MC in their Sorting. They always follow MC to whatever House they go to. Thus it becomes a question of which house suits them the most. Rowan Khanna, I think, speaks for them-self. I could see them in any House but they are a Ravenclaw through and through. I bet the only reason they ever get Sorted anywhere else is because they ask the Hat to let them follow MC. They are absolutely brilliant, with a love of reading and learning new things. They’re eccentric as well, deeply creative and good at coming up with plans. They dream of being a Professor, and they turn to books above all else. Next we have Jacob. Another character who could go anywhere based on interpretation, but he strikes me as a Ravenclaw too. Several of the options you can give when expressing speculation about him suggest that the reason he probably investigated the Vaults in the first place was his thirst for knowledge, his desire to know their secrets. To be specific, his stubborn and obsessive need to know. I feel like Jacob couldn’t let this go until he had learned all of the hidden magic and secrets of the Vaults, until he realized far too late that he was in over his head, mixed up with R and everything. 
Then there is Flitwick. A canon Ravenclaw of course, and one of the four Heads of House. It could be coincidental, but even if it is, Flitwick is easily the most developed of the Heads of House within this game. McGonagall is totally in character, but she’s part of the sideline outside of a small section of Year 2. Sprout contributes absolutely nothing, and Snape is likewise in character, but lacking anything to do until Rakepick shows up. Flitwick prepares MC for the first duel with Merula and gives them counsel. I suppose it’s not that much more than McGonagall teaching them the revealing spell in Year 2, but this felt so much more personal. You have the chance to make a promise to Flitwick, and either keep it or break it. In Year 4, he is I think the only teacher to speak up in Rakepick’s defense, and this leads into even further development of his character. By Year 5, he starts to warn MC not to investigate the Portrait Curse, but stops mid-sentence as he realizes that nothing he can say will stop them. I bring all of this up because Flitwick being such a fleshed out character in this game kind of goes hand in hand pretty well with the idea that he is MC’s Head of House. He is the only Head who shows the slightest bit of remorse when banning MC from Hogsmeade. With him, you really get the sense that he’s being overruled and doesn’t agree with it. That he’s in MC’s corner. And god I love him.  I won’t stray too far into the Quidditch characters, but I will say that Murphy and Orion are two other characters that stick with MC, who I could very much see as Ravenclaws, both in different ways. But still, it’s Jacob and Rowan who are most important in affecting the story.
Which brings me to the story itself. 
Hogwarts Mystery is different from the story of Harry Potter. This is the tale of Jacob and his Sibling. In HP, we know from the beginning who the villain is, that he’s an evil monster. We know what he wants, and that he failed. It gets fleshed out more later but everything you need to know is in that first book. We see him, he clashes with Harry, and loses. The books are a hero’s journey. A story of good versus evil. They do have mystery aspects, each of the books has a mystery told within it’s pages. But the overarching story is not about what’s hidden in the trapdoor, or who opened the chamber of secrets. It’s about Harry and Voldemort’s rivalry, their hero/villain dynamic. Everyone knew going into DH that Harry would defeat him in the end because that’s how these things go. OOTP basically confirmed it but most fans had known for years. 
HPHM is different. 
There are heroic moments, and Merula in particular compares MC to being a “hero.” But nothing they do is heroic in the same way as Harry. They both take active roles in the story but in different ways. Harry is still reactionary. He takes it upon himself to solve the problems, but he still waits until the problems show up. MC plans to open the Vaults even before the Curses show themselves. They arrive at Hogwarts with a goal in mind, finding Jacob. And with Hogwarts Mystery, the overarching story is not a hero’s journey. Because MC is so much more ambiguous than Harry. It might seem redundant to say that this story is a Mystery, but it is. An ongoing investigation, the unraveling of a conspiracy. Learning the truth about just what went down during Jacob’s years at Hogwarts. By HBP, Voldemort was such a familiar presence that we were learning the ins and outs of his childhood, right down to how his parents met. By Year 6, we still have no idea what R really is, or what they want. We don’t even know what it stands for. The black and white of the books, the heroes and the villains...that’s all replaced with shades of gray. Jacob is constantly in the gray. So is Rakepick, at least at first. Don’t get me started on Merula. Ben is another character who is definitely good, but has gone through such a roller coaster about who he is and whether he can be trusted. 
Then there’s the ambiguity of MC them-self. The hints that they don’t share everything with people, are prone to tricking others, and for all we know, might wind up on the Dark Side someday. I’ll admit, this can also lend itself well to MC being a Slytherin, and indeed there are dialogue choices that are locked behind being one. But I still feel as though MC playing detective throughout this entire game, that whole premise lends itself pretty damn well toward a Ravenclaw MC. They’re trying to defeat the bad guys, but their main method of preparing for that fight is not train up an army of students, it is to investigate the Vaults, and investigate R. Even going as far as to work with Wizarding police. Granted, I know Harry poked around a lot too. And MC does form the Circle of Khanna, just like how Harry formed Dumbledore’s Army. Both of them do exhibit both behaviors, but MC specializes in covert investigation more than preparation for combat. Again, at least they do so in the main story. The Circle of Khanna was not meant to be like Dumbledore’s Army, at least not in concept. MC first conceived it as the idea of standing toe to toe with the Cabal by having a secret organization of their own. I know that didn’t really land perfectly in actual practice but that was the whole idea. And if there’s one thing MC has a constant stream of, it’s ideas. Not always the right ones, not always fast enough, but they do have them, and these ideas steer the plot. In the main story and otherwise. 
It’s probably a bit cheap to get meta, but so be it. 
I can’t help but notice how, if we take every other contribution to the Potterverse into account...well then, we’ve got a Gryffindor Protagonist in the form of Harry. We’ve got a Slytherin Protagonist in the form of Albus Severus. And a Hufflepuff over in Fantastic Beasts with Newt Scamander. If MC is a Ravenclaw, then that completes the quartet. But there’s another Quartet out there as well - that of the Original Four. Rowan, Ben, Penny, and Merula. The Year 1 characters and the OG leads of the Hogwarts Mystery story. Notice anything about them? We have a Hufflepuff, a Gryffindor, and a Slytherin...but no Ravenclaw. None that is, unless MC, and therefore Rowan by extension, is a Ravenclaw. MC being Sorted into the House of Eagles completes both of these groups. I dunno, I just find it curious that unless the Player goes to Ravenclaw, the first student character we meet in that House shows up in Year 3. Because Jam City wrote in some amazing characters for Ravenclaw. My love of Tulip Karasu is well documented, but I also think Talbott is pretty damn fascinating. Andre and Badeea rock too! Ravenclaw is also a relatively neutral House. I’ve said before that HPHM ignores the House rivalries, and that’s easiest to incorporate in the House of Eagles, which mostly keeps to itself. It would not be socially strange for a Ravenclaw to have so many friends from different Houses. I’m not saying a Slytherin MC couldn’t befriend Ben, for example, but he’s a Muggle-born Gryffindor and that would be a big deal to everyone else. Again, not saying it couldn’t happen, just that it would turn heads and people within Slytherin might go as far as to treat MC like a traitor. I like this premise, but...would Felix seriously help MC prepare to fight Merula, a fellow Slytherin, on behalf of someone like Ben? There are other trivial problems, like the question of two male Prefects if MC is Gryffindor, etc. 
But that’s just a few thoughts. Again, there’s clearly no “canon” House, and neither of my MCs are even in Ravenclaw. But I think it’s fun to explore the idea as Ravenclaw is a House that, I think, is sorely needing development.
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snowtimeisbesttime · 4 years
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Thoughts and questions on Pesterquest Volume 4! Tip: I am so fucking mad.
-Jade's theme is a remix of Carefree Victory, but with a few... different motifs. Veeery subtle, just a robotic voice rapping (no idea what it says though) and a dude beatboxing. Tirona also had a remix of the same song back in Friendsim...EDIT: This remix's got all the kids' instruments jamming out, and the beatboxing's Dave's addition. Still no idea about the robot rapping though.
-It was to be expected that Jade would be hit the hardest by our No SBURB AU; I thought she still dreamed on Prospit... she just can't catch a break, can't she now?
-(Turns out Pesterquest's No SBURB AU also goes for all human / Earth-based fanventures! That's actually kinda neat)
-...what is NOT neat is that unless MC moves people between universes (which they probably will do), it looks like we won't get Davekat nor Rosemary here.
-Good to know that the butterfly Grandpa Harley blasted to smithereens that one time likely wasn't an outlier in any way besides screentime!! wait fuck i wanted to go for the joke angle but MC says the island is very empty later on shit it's another layer of sadstuck now
-The kids register the MC (who actually has a name of their own!) as a blank kinda friendy loking thign (with a dash of First Guardian unpredictableness), though our pals from Friendsim saw them as a normal (as much as can be) alien... We'll have to wait and see how the Hivebent trolls see them (besides wondering wh0's that douchebag, of course)
-Aradia also gets floofy hair!!!!!!!!! And we get to see her!!!!!!! And Sollux too!!!!!!!! (what does she know though?????)
-Of course Jade's kinda jealous of our fancy space powers....... (crying cat)
-I can't believe the Manthro Chaps are just Jake's fursona(s)
-There's a few early / classic Homestuck jokes, like Jade's name being Gigi (because she's GG; I've got no idea what the story behind “Lynn” is) and Squiddles being a TV show! And of course Jade relates (without needing future knowledge) to Inkabelle, who spends years lost and alone but is rescued in the end...
-Bec remains a good boy and best friend, and of course he reminds us of a good girl and best lusus: Ladyy. And also of a rat bitch, unfortunately.
-HAUNTSWITCH (the town) IS MENTIONED!! And there's someone there making sure Jade gets stuff sent her way... whoever they are, they're probably the only person who knows where her island is.
-I'm positive this fic's already been written at least once, because I read it and it was great, but: alternate universe where Joey and/or Jude take Jade in when Grandpa dies, and she gets to have a happy childhood, and never ever believes she deserves to be alone and miserable and to suffer more than the average person- or at all even. (Jade and Joey could bond over their dislike of Grandpa's trophies... and the fact that he abandoned them both.)
-Considering this quote: “Frost floods your veins and nestles into your heart with a burning chill, for reasons that you don't quite understand”, when MC finally gets their memories it's going to be a Big Fucking Moment. I have a theory that they might be Timebound (and a Scorist) because they've kept Mallek's hoodie as opposed to all the clothes they got from other friends, but those are hints to Blood and Heart if I've ever seen some.
-She's been bottling up her emotions practically her entire life. And now we've destroyed the only thing she had to look forward to. At least she gets to vent a little, even if it doesn't last long.
-Methinks Bec may have had very good reasons to keep Jade at least out of the temple (not so sure regarding on the island), even if the game is (seemingly.) no more. Because we've got a Bec Noir lookalike on Prospit, with red powers, who immediately gets rid of the teleport pad in the frog temple.
-And explicitly after going to Prospit -after entering the Medium, SBURB's domain-, Jade decides that it's fine if life basically screws her over in all ways, because it's her fate. Her good (or perhaps, better) end is a bit of a silver lining, but not that much. Once a player, always a player indeed...
-Of course we had to get the kids all together for this one, even if MC took their time to figure out they could do it. It's good to know that they'll have some happy moments at least...
-Unless my game glitched out, Rose's theme does not play when we zap to her house, while John's and Dave's do. She instantly figures out that Jade's feeling down because SBURB didn't happen, and John sees the writing on her walls, though he wouldn't have had a chance to mention Dave's. (Curiously, it looks like MC can't see those.)
-When we zap to Dave's room, she almost gets a shuriken to the face; and while Rose is the type to try and keep a cool and collected façade, that seems to be the catalyst for shit starting to leak everywhere, as opposed to hitting the fan: she asks MC about Dave's brother -who she finds psychologically fascinating-, and starts thinking about the ethics of using the retcon powers. Lastly, she says that we don't have to worry about this now.
-...Wasn't Rose aware that something had changed from the beginning? Didn't she literally do Light stuff in her bad end? Couldn't she perceive MC's narration? (Dave did say that they just mumble away sometimes, but he's a Time player (one of the most meta aspects), and nobody else's said so before; as far as I remember the only one who also seemed to be aware of it was Marsti, Voidbound.)
-So. Are we going to have to deal with the (with sincere apologies to all rats) Ultimate Rat Bitch, like what happened in Friendsim? Because it sure fucking looks so. there might or might not be a direct reference to the epilogues, besides what i've written here. We'll just have to wait and see how things turn out, once we befriend everyone in Pesterquest. (is this the third, pumpkin route???)
-(Admittedly, Bec Noir's Prospit red zappy cousin's description is vague enough that it could possibly apply to an Alt!Calliope-possessed dead Jade; with the black tendrils being the Witch hood and the wings maybe coming from consuming Lord English back then? But it's a pretty long reach, not even counting that its wings are explicitly said to be leathery where cherub wings are feathery, and most importantly, that this is not her style. All the evidence points towards U!Dirk.)
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posseideux · 5 years
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Sweet Elite: A review
So I’ve been playing Sweet Elite for a bit, and I would like to make a review about it. I feel like a lot of people put in on a pedestal because it’s “far better than MCL”, which I absolutely agree with, but I don’t think it’s right to avoid criticising it because of this.
The Story (so far)  8/10
Out of all of the online otome games I’ve played(although they are few), this is probably the best story so far. It’s realistic, but the circumstances are strange enough that you can make some ridiculous scenes and it’ll still work. I love this kind of scenario: The one that doesn’t take itself too seriously and uses it’s odd/unachievable setting at it’s advantage. I didn’t give it a 10 because we haven’t seen the whole story yet and it hasn’t marked me quite enough to require a 10 so far, but 8 is still very good in my standards.
The Dialogues 7/10
Yep, about the same things as the story. The dialogue is very natural, you don’t feel as if exposition is being jammed down your throat, although I see a bit of a problem: The character arcs are VERY obviously stated, but that’s about the only part that takes you out of the experience. The writers were very skillful in sliding in the little things about the main 10 so that it doesn’t feel weird, it gives them a lot more depth and with that it feels more like a normal conversation.
The Characters  7/10
(Not to be confused with the character sprites, which will be a few points below) The characters are realistic enough… except sometimes. I know this is supposed to be a school for the rich and famous, but does EVERYONE need to be THE BEST at what they do? I mean, if one of the main 10 was into movie making, their description would say “they are THE NEXT STEVEN SPIELBERG”, and I feel that’s a bit much, even for the over-the-top-ness of the plot. Although, it is a bit early to judge the characters, since the game has been out for very little time.
The AP system  5/10
Well, it’s basically the old MCL system, which I liked. I didn’t appreciate it until they took it away from us, really. Although, the amount per day is small, and the fact that you can’t buy clothing while you play will be very inconvenient for the newer players along the line. Another thing: The game is hard af to play if you don't have a guide. There is nothing that tells you where you have to go(hell, I’d even be satisfied if you could buy hints), so if you get lost you will be VERY lost. Especially the fact that after a bit without playing, you don’t remember who you have to talk to, so you get even MORE lost and lose even MORE time. In retrospect, it’s not the worst, but not the best for sure, although there really isn’t a best.
The $ system  3/10
I don’t like it. Not one bit. First of all you get VERY little, and even then the very little you get you have to work for! You have to play this mini game, and if you do the whole thing right, you get… 5$. This is explained by the fact that the rich people pay you badly, but this is a game, you could have at least been a bit more generous..
The Website  7/10
Except for the fact that I keep getting logged out, the website is fine. There are a few things with the graphic design that I would have done a bit differently, but it’s not the worst. Although it’s not absolutely beautiful, it works well, and that’s what matters most in the end. Function over form, kids.
The Personnalisation Aspect & Main Character  6/10
I will stop myself from giving it a bad grade, because I know they are changing the model… But I mean, look at the current one! I looks like bad graphics from an ancient DS game! And I would know, playing the DS was my life as a kid! The options for hair, eye shapes and lip shapes are also very limited, but granted the style they chose is very complex, even maybe too complex, so that makes it much harder to make look good.
The Character Sprites  3/10
I mean, come on… Some of these don’t look bad, but the others… And it’s not their face shapes, far from that, it’s.. the coloring, I think- I don’t know, actually. They all look dead, basically. Raquel has both her eyes facing the wrong way when she smiles, something must have happened to Tyler in production.. and just, no. The lack of pupils make them look lifeless, and some of their expressions and poses are very unnatural. And I would know how those work, because even though I don’t post them, I’ve been making character sprites for years. I know it’s hard, but they have many artists on the team, and references aren’t hard to find, either! An easy technique for this is this 3d model program, if you’re interested: http://terawell.net/terawell/?lang=eng It’s easy to use and you can do whatever you want! 10/10 would recommend.
The CGs  5/10
They look very pretty(except for the few that aren’t in the same style, what’s up with that?), until you put in the MC. Have these people heard of separating your base color layer from your shading and using opacity lock? Because it seems what they do is the make a grey skin and put color overlays to make various skin tones, which is so much harder than just choosing your base, shadow and light colors yourself and coloring over with opacity lock on. But apart from that, they look pretty and I like them.
The Communication  10/10
The team is just filled with the best good bois! I love that the main creator of the characters answers questions frequently; that adds extra depth to them that only a true fan can get, and that’s really fun!
Overall according to average  6.1/10
Overall according to myself  7.5/10
This game is very good considering the situation in which it was made. It’s not the best, far from that, but it’s very good and I like it. Some things in the system make me less motivated to play, but overall… nice.
The Pros
Very wide range of dateable characters
A good representation of the LGBT community(although the range is somewhat small, only talking about LGB and P, no trans folks as of yet)
If you have a guide, very easy to play
The scenario is very good
The dialogue is natural
The creators are good bois
The Character Personnalisation
The Cons
It’s very easy to get lost in-game
The system could be better
The sprites are… something else
Some CGs aren’t great either
Inconsistent art styles
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hopoo · 6 years
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DEADBOLT Q&A
I tried to answer every question as honestly as I could, so I hope this is a good read. If your question isn’t there, it’s either identical to another one asked or joined together with another question. Cheers!
Q: In total, how much time does the campaign of Deadbolt span? It’s hard to tell, what with it being infinite nighttime and all.
A: I would imagine a month-ish. It is implied that the Candles are doing some sort of investigative work between missions, which would surely take some time. Q: Did you have any major inspirations for the visual design of DEADBOLT? A: John Wick is obviously the biggest one! Q: What would hopoo do if someone made a game completely based and inspired from Deadbolt and its… Concept? (with permission and not) A: There’s no way DEADBOLT is that unique in settings or thematics – ultimately, you know what’s right and what’s wrong when you’re inspired by a work, and so will everyone else! If you feel obligated to ask for permission, maybe you’re not exploring enough original ideas? Q: When will we get modding? if so could we get a simplified modding kit? Any plans for updating dedbort, even just the map editor? Feature for adding custom sprites, rotation tool, copypasta tool, just to name a few… A: So the thing with that is that the map editor is only half the equation – while the map editor may be writing stuff to files, it also has to be interpreted on the end by the DEADBOLT game itself. Therefore, adding features that aren’t supported in engine simply won’t work – it won’t know what youre talking about. While rotation is supported in the engine, it doesn’t know how to read that from the files, etc. I also am trying to avoid any legacy issues where old maps are required for old versions of DEADBOLT, or vice versa. Q: When is deadbolt 2 coming with werewolves and mummies A: Werewolves aren’t undead you dingus. But mummies could be cool.
Q: Will the stuff that came with the release of Deadbolt on Play Station, will be added on PC? A: Nope, that was sorta our deal-sweetener for getting on the Sony consoles. Q: Will we ever see expansion levels for Deadbolt or would we get Deadbolt 2 instead? A: DEADBOLT 2 maybe sometime
Q: Does Ibzan is gay? A: I haven’t really thought of the sexual orientation of any of the characters, and I definitely don’t want to pull a JK Rowling and retroactively assign them. So in terms of canon, that just hasn’t been explored.
Q: Would you prefer deadbolt 2 to be in 3d and 2d? Would you do a sequel? A: DEADBOLT is probably the narrowest design space I’ve worked with – there’s no dodging, insta death, insta travel attacks. By the end I felt very stretched out in terms of enemy design, and for that alone I’d think 3D. But hey, I may also just hate 3D by the end of RoR2 so who knows :^). I’d love to do a sequel one day, most likely from the perspective of Ibzan. But who knows! Q: Did Ibzan want to kill the Fire, or just try to reconcile with it? A: He just wanted to talk – but who knows what would’ve happened after the Fireplace rejected him? Q: Would you be interested in going back to the world of deadbolt sometime in the future? I remember hearing somewhere a 3D concept would be interesting to work on. A: I wish I was talented or driven enough to write comics for it – I think DEADBOLT is more about the stories of individuals, compared to RoR who is a story of the universe. I wrote the Cassette Tapes to reflect that. Q: Looking back, is there anything you’d change about Deadbolt? A: Hmmm… I just wish I somehow could expand more on the lore and gangs, and what their goals were. Gameplay-wise, it was a tad too short. I liked doing a few standard stages, and then a mix-up stage (sniper, trap, boss, etc) – maybe we could’ve fit in a few more rotations. Q: What’s your favourite loadout? A: Death/Taxes and Flashbang, like a scrub. Q: Would you ever be interested in restarting the asset suggestion thread A: I consider DEADBOLT to be done – as a 2 (now 3!) man team, we financially can’t do the games-as-a-service thing like most big companies can for smaller games like DEADBOLT. I also intended DEADBOLT to be a one-and-done thing as a contrast for Risk of Rain, which we updated for years after release.
=CONTROVERSIAL OPINION ALERT= I personally also think that EVERY game getting a bunch of DLCS and updates and patches for a long time is, in a way, exhausting as a player. I think it makes it hard to feel satisfied when you finished a game and it’s over and you feel completed in the journey, knowing it’s not ~technically~ over until the devs stop patching. I think it’s great for some games (mostly multiplayer-based ones), but some games you just gotta let… finish, on a good note. Semi-open ended endings are always unsatisfying, in my opinion, and so recently it just feels like you don’t ever complete a game. …On the flip side, we are planning on doing lots of post-launch support for RoR2 because it’s actually inline with our design goals, so don’t fret! Q: Will bugs like Scythe not having a cover sprite or some enemies not having a falling sprite (which causes the game to crash) be fixed? A: Which enemies have been missing a falling sprite? They should be resorting to idle, not crashing. Bosses? Q: Just wanted to say, you guys are my favorite games studio, hands down. Now for the question: Now that the Reaper has completed his task and is allowed to rest, what’s next? Is the Fireplace going to keep him resting for a while? Does our MC have another task to accomplish? A: The Fireplace has never let a reaper “rest” before - the reason he is allowed to rest is because Ibzan never got to, and the Fireplace is trying something different with you. This is unexplored territory for the both of them – presumably he just pets his cat and gets bored before getting back to work. Q: What happens to everyone else in the afterlife? A: People who aren’t in the Place? Who knows, and who cares about boring happy afterlife 😊 Q: I had a question about the lore. There’s mentions of places outside the city, across the river Styx. What are they and what are they like? A: The Styx connects the other realms together, including (presumably) wherever the demons came from. This is explored lightly in one of the demon cassette tapes. Q: Will you ever expand more on the world of deadbolt or are you 100% done with it at this point? A: Nope definitely not done, really wanna explore more one day Q: What’s your office address? For post and stuff, maybe I want to send you a box full of A4 sheets of paper with a thousand hoopters on each. A: Maybe this is the paranoia in me but I’m not comfortable posting my address online – you can just tweet it at me a thousand times instead Q: Did Ibzan think the flames would give warmth to the Dredged or was he just lying to them and using them for his own gain? A: He was lying to himself, but he did truly believe that this was going to work, because this (at the time, anyways) seemed like the only way out. Metaphor woawoawo Q: Could you add some sorta DEADBOLT reference into RoR2?  Will the Reaper be playable in Risk of Rain 2 as a bonus? A: Definitely references happening in some form, but playable might be stretchin’ it a bit, especially since it’d be taking up the slot of some more in-universe secret character. Q: How excited are for RoR2? A: Honestly very nervous for the reception, with very big shoes to fill as a sequel for RoR. I just hope people like it, and that we don’t get burnt on 3D because there’s so many possibilities in the future for our games in 3D. Q: How are the Demons born? We know they’re made in birthing chambers, but then is it just like humans or is there anything specific needed for a demon to be born f.e. skeletons>suicide, zombies>overdose, etc. A: Demons aren’t undead and don’t naturally exist in the Place, which is why they have to be smuggled over – they exist in whatever version of hell is in the DEADBOLT universe, and are natural denizens of the underworld. Q: was izban hot before he died? A: The hottest Q: do all the nightclubs canonically have chris c. as the dj A: Yes Q: I love Deadbolt very dearly and i’ve listened to its soundtrack (particularly “Now I Am Become Death”) more times than i can remember. What’s your favourite tune from Deadbolt ? A: Defunktorum or The Proverbial Dust Biters Q: In the Hardmode Cassette Tape it talked about a Reaper that wasn`t the current Reaper that we play as in the Game. Was this Reaper Izban? Since in the tape, he talked about the fireplace as his friend and that could be why he wanted to go back to the fireplace through the portal at the end of the game, to revisit his friend. A: Yes yes and yes. This was most heavily implied in Ibzan’s “home”, which parallel yours. Q: Will RoR2 still have opportunities to create silly messy builds like covering the screen in missiles or releasing an endless stream of Thqwibs? If so, how are you working to mitigate the performance impact of those crazy builds? A: Yep! Currently we have a system that detects the average particle count in a scene and slowly adds a chance non-important effects (like hitsparks or impacts) don’t ever spawn. This will at some point also involve turning off expensive effects and reducing particle LODs. Q: I really love the attention to detail to the characters, environment, aesthetics and gameplay mechanics. Its themes on the criminal underworld and the supernatural give a unique identity in a high-octane/stealth pixel action game I have not seen before. Additionally what prompted or inspired you to make DEADBOLT in the first place? A: DEADBOLT in its entirety was supposed to be not-Risk of Rain. It’s a gorey, violent, moody singleplayer puzzle-stealth game. We were just burnt out from the Risk of Rain experience, and we also wanted to flex our design muscles a bit and show that hey, we’re not just a one-trick pony of gamedevelopment :^) Q: I just played through this game on PS4/Vita over the weekend. Huge fan of Risk of Rain. Even bought it through Limited Run Games. So I had to pick up Deadbolt (Didn’t previously know you had made it either.) and I love it. Its a super solid experience. I’m not sure I have any questions about it. I guess I was curious if co-op multiplayer was ever considered in development? Keep up the great work. Can’t wait to see what you guys make next. A: Nope, because of the reasons above – we wanted a single player game, since RoR was a multiplayer one. Q: First of all, congratulations!! I really loved the game since came out, I bought it for my birthday, since risk of rain made me fell in love with all the pixel art in it, deadbolt didn’t disappointed me!! Everything in it I love it! Thanks for the game!! Now the question You already answered about how the skeletons or vampires came to be in that Place, how the vampires are killed by their lovers, but, how a reaper, becomes to be a reaper? I mean a candle said “I’ve never been so close to one” A: Originally, the reapers were actually supposed to be from suicides – if I remember right, the reaper when going down the stairs to the docks still has the hole in the back of his head in his sprite. Currently, it’s not explored how a reaper is made – I think a bit of mystery is always needed in making a believable universe J Q: Lorewise how many reapers are there total? Why are they incredibly fragile compared to the undead? What makes the reapers not undead? A: IIRC there were 4 fireplaces in the final stage, which was supposed to represent the way the fireplace was communicating to all reapers in the field. Q: Do you like turtles? How about corgis? A: Yes, and yes (although there’s way too many in Seattle now). Q: Did you have any idea Chris would break out a whole band’s worth of musicians for the soundtrack? His work was superb and the OST remains my absolute favorite to this day. A: DEADBOLT OST was actually done with many people – it must be in the credits somewhere! If I remember right, there is at least a drummer and a musician.
Thanks for all the questions, and happy hunting :)
hopoo
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HC for RAF, V and Saeran with mc as game developer please.
*rubs my little hands together* thank you for this interesting request!! what a great way to start this blog~
however, i’ll have to split this into two parts! i went overboard;;;; V and Saeran will be in Part 2!
Zen:
This man uses Hindows98, so he won’treally get what’s going on to be honest; but it looks really complicated and man is he impressed with you.
But this doesn’t mean that won’t he ask aboutthe details to this game of yours! He wants to get to know and be involved inwhatever his cutie loves~ It’s the least he could do when you’ve been passionatelycheering him on with his career.
He’ll be your (very vocal) support!! He’ll make sure that you take breaks afterlong stretches of writing, and coding, and editing, and making the graphics (anddon’t forget suffering). You’ll be hearing lots of “Babe~ Take a break and spend some time with me, yeah?” and “You’ve been working so hard; but rememberthat you need to eat and rest!! Sitting in front of the computer all day can’t begood for you!”
He loves to see the game’s progress; and if you’reokay with it, he’ll blast his social media with talk about it! Sooo muchbragging about how extremely talentedyou are, and your dedication to this amazinggame you’re developing.
But please try not to neglect him for too long,or else he’ll smother you in affection once he manages to pry you away fromyour work. (Though that’s not really abad thing now is it? :3c)
Yoosung:
Is this…heaven?
But seriously, Yoosung is so psyched when he finds out you’re a gamedeveloper. He wants to know when you started, how far along you are, if you’vemade any other games, and if he can be your first beta-tester??????
So much spamming the chatroom with “MC is so cool!!!! Have you heard about thegame they’re developing, all bythemselves?????” At some point it turns from the group being surprisedand impressed, to “Yes Yoosung, we have heard for the nth time that MC is supercool and a game dev.”
But he means well!! He’s just so into you andyour work, he can’t help wanting to share that with everyone! (he’s a good boy, please love him)
After seeing the massive amount of work that goesinto making a functioning and polished game, his whole view on game devs andgaming in general completely changes. It’s seriously hard work!! All that work,and sometimes developers still get complaints from players over the littlest ofthings!!
“Why can’tthey just be happy that so much care has gone into it? It’s impossible for (XXXdev or company) to fulfill everyone’swants! Especially when those wants don’t mesh with the existing content the developersspent so much time on!!” (you tell em Yoosung)
He gains even more respect for you, if that’seven possible, and will be your personal cheerleader! He’ll try to stay up withyou during those long, tiring nights staring at all the work you must do; and he’ll have plenty of snacks readyfor you when you finally take a break.
Jaehee:
As Jumin’s assistant, Jaehee doesn’t really havemuch time to relax, so she isn’t exactly “in the know” about the latest video gamenews. But she does know that creating a game is a rather complex affair.
When you tell her that you’re a game developer,she’s very impressed and curious as to what made you take an interest in makinggames. She’s really interested in getting to know all these new things aboutyou!
To see you working so hard, doing what you love,fills her with so much joy. She’s so earnest in her support for you and yourgame, it’s almost comparable to her passion for Zen’s performances.
You two bond over inhaling cups upon cups ofcoffee while knocking out piles of work. (getsome rest y’all…)  But for real,you two are constantly on each other for staying up too late and overworkingyourselves; you both decide to schedule in breaks for the especially busynights. Gotta make room for some self-care!!
Shortly after Jaehee decides to quit her job andopen the café, she tells you that you were her inspiration to do this. You notonly supported her and spoke up for her when she was getting railroaded withwork, you inspired her with yourdetermination and passion for what you do. She wanted to achieve that happinessso badly but feared losing any sense of stability if she did so. Having you byher side made her realize that it was possible for her to follow her desires, her wants, her dreams, herhappiness.
(Afterthat y’all just flop into each other’s arms and smooch. Gawd I love Jaehee…..)
Jumin:
While video games aren’t in the scope of thingshe’s most knowledgeable about, Jumindoes know parts of the process when it comes to developing games, and howprevalent gaming is this modern age.
However, once he finds out you’re a gamedeveloper, he immerses himself in reading up on the gaming industry; now he knowsall relevant game companies and developers. He has all the statistics on howmuch goes into making AAA games, and how much profit they receive from them on average.(and so much more…) Also, he finallyputs his Gray Station and Zet Box to good use. This is all so he can be fullyaware of what you’re talking about and add to the conversation.
What a cutie.
Yes, he does ask if you could fit an Elizabeththe 3rd into your game; but he won’t press you if it doesn’t fit in withthe storyline or theme. (but man, hisface sure does light up if he sees Elly in there.)
He appreciates your dedication to your work andwill buy you all the new software and beefy PCs you need. (god bless) But he does tell you to mind how long you workfor, because of the potential for eye strain and carpal tunnel.
If he could he would propose for C&R to backyour game; but that’s only if you want your game to publicly have such a large financialforce behind it or keep it a generally lowkey, simple and sweet, indie dev typeof situation. Either way, Jumin fully supports you!!
Seven:
AWWWW YEAH
Seven is going to be all over you about this,especially since he likes to develop games too!! He wants to know the nittygritty details about your game, and he probably ends up hopping onto the programmingtrain to help you speed things along when you’re stuck in a rut.
Yes, he is constantly over your shoulder when hehas the free time, crunching on Honey Buddha Chips right in your ear. (seven w h y…) But it isn’t hisintention to be obnoxious!! He’s really interested in your progress!!
If you had developed any games previously, he wouldwant to play them and them tear through the coding, getting to know them insideand out. He wants to see your patterns when it comes to programming and your improvementin terms of the gameplay mechanics, and how smooth everything functions!
He willbeta test your game and help you out if bugs occur and you’re having difficultysolving them. With Seven, you end up with an assistant, but that’s if you don’tmind him butting in! He’ll definitely back off if you’d rather work on yourgame independently. He understands.
Seven may tell you to take a break and stretchyour legs, but he’s a damn hypocrite because he himself certainly does not take breaks. So, you must bethe one to lug yourself out of the chair and bring him along with you lol.
(You can get in all of your Saeyoungie lovin’ in the meantime~)
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kasunex · 7 years
Text
Yesterday me and @heiligelanze were bored so I made this trash complaining about P4. Don’t read if you like P4. Unless you are very chill about people hating on it. 
we talk about why p4 is not good. 
#1 - Boring characters
Yosuke: Wah wah small town is borin (why doesn't he just plan to move when he's older), also homophobic in way that suggests writers thought we were too. neck is too long. Also not closeted >:/
Yu Narukami: Stupid name, stupid design, stupid fuckin face, I hate him, no character arc or character at all, Gary Stu. Boring peice of shit. Also. Not GAY Enough >:/
Yukiko: Boring. Thinks she's trapped into being innkeeper when not at all. Never tells parents she doesn't want to or makes any attempt to change anything. Only other character trait is laughs (annoying)
Chie: Guyz I like kung fu n meat isnt that quirky, (bc apparently women don't like meat?????) also not gay or trans >:/
Kanji: Almost good. But misleads to think he is good representative media pushing artistic gay man strugling against stereotypes that gays rnt tough. Actually about gender roles but not well explored. Hinted to be bi at best. Atlus u fuckin cowards let me be gay for once >>>>>>>>>://////////////////
Rise: 2 kawaii. Gets annoying. Unwarranted, undeserved crush on main character you cant say no to. (But unlike p3 game doesn't make u with her but we will get to THAT LATER FUCKING P4G)
Naoto: Too good for game. Shoulda been trans tho. 
Teddie: Remove or kill. Annoying af. Tries to steal ur girl. Major mysognist (game is like lol) 
Mitsuo: Insulting to ugly people and to gamer fanbase
Moorako: Insulting to ugly people. Hahah who cares hes dead he was uggo lol
Hanako: Fat ppl r gross rite guys lollolollolllollolololollollololl haha she thinks she's atrratcievew lolololo fat pppl thinkin their hot lololololololo
Kashiwagi: She's old but busted except she looks 30 and treated as gross icky old woman when real teens would be like "I wanna bang dat shit on de desk"
Dojima: Ok I guess
Nanako: Emotional manipulation. doesn't die. unrealistically precious and mature. 
Adachi: Presents as awkward relatable BUT NO ACTUALLY EVIL OVER THE TOP EVIL MUHAHAHA because he couldn't just be a cool guy with a darker side, had to be ANIME CRAZY EVIL DID IT FOR THE LULZ
Namatame: Not built up enough, comes fuckiin out of nowhere
Izanami: Comes even more da faq outta nowhere (GUYS THAT GAS STATION ATTENDENT SHAKING YOUR HAND OBVS EQUALS EVIL OR PLOT SIGNIFICANT LOL) also rips off Nyx and does it shitty
Ameno-Sagiri: Comes even MORE da faq outtta nowhere and vanishes da faq outta nowhere, also irrelevant to plot and meaningless distraction
Margret: Boring af, no personality at all, Elizabeth was more fun 
Saki: Underdeveloped bitch, supposed to be so sad when dies despite not being shown for anythin but bitch also supposed to feel bad for yosuke when she dies even tho she hated him and he would have been rejected anyway seriously wtf
Marie: COMPLETELY IRREDEMABLE GARBAGE FIRE OF PANDERING TRASH. SHOEHORNED INTO PLOT WHEN COMPLETELY MEANINGLESS AND IRRELEVANT. GAME FORCES HER AS LOVE INTEREST WHEN SHE SOMEHOW MANAGES TO STEAL WORST GIRL FROM YUKIKO. ANNOYING TSUNDERE STEREOTYPE. MAKES ME WANT TO KILL SELF.
#2 - Shit plot
Boring af. Crappy tonal issues all the way thru. WAY TO SLICE OF LIFE WHO FUCKIN CARES. 
HEY IM A TRANSFER STUDENT JUST LIKE LAST GAME LOL. Everyone loves me immediately even tho im a lil bitch. 
Oh noes murder of some random chick we never met so sad ;~;
Meet Chie n Yukiko both boring af, immediately like me 
Yosuke is trash can, Mitsuo is creppy and wierd b/c gamers r uggo and uggo ppl are socially inept and suck
Bitchy girl shows up and then dies
Yosuke does1n't get dick wet (he wouldn't anyways but still) so sad 
See TV world, meet worst character in ORGINAL game (assult of bear puns)
fight dumb fuckin demon frog bc yosuke is bored (wtf is dis shit)
Chie is gay bUT NOT REALLY  
Boss of dungeon is too hard, someone went missing or something idk who cares
Meet gay but nOT REALLY
Chases u bc u judge him but NOT REALLY
Gets kidnapped, gay dungeon bUT NOT REALLY actually about gender and cuz he likes cute stuff means he's gay STUPID but actually he's not because gays r icky lol 
Campin time yaya the girls can't cook pffffft a WOMAN CANT COOK TF WOW WOW SO FUNNY A WOMAN CANT COOK WTF WHAT TEH FUCK and also HANAKO IS FAT AND That's' bad
HOMOPHOBIA TIME LOL KANJI IS GAY ARE YOSUKE AND YU SAFE IN A TENT WITH HIM? FIND OUT AT 11
Sexism next day when Yosuke is like I bought u girls sexy swimsuits and will now shame you to wear them ARENT I AN ENDEARING CHARACTER but no dicks are wet except with water (also vomit) including kanji lol abuse (also that could have seriously injured but never brought up BECAUSE ABUSE IS LOLOLOLOOLLOLLLOLLLLOLLLOLLLLLLLLOLLLL) Also game forced u/Yu to be sexist too fuck off game
Nanako is sad whatever who cares
Yosuke wants idol puss so yay idol but shes sad so we stalk guilible peepin tom who is the killer but NOT REALLY while adachi is quirky
Rise is sad that she doesnt know who she is or something fuckin idk STRIPPING TIME BOWCHICAWOWOW also teddie feels useless so everyone dies or smth
Teddie comes out of TV and is now human and annoying mother fucker, Rise is now not sad but KAWAII and Yosuke no longer wants idol puss idk but but IDOL PUSS WANTS BORING FUCKBOY YU DICK (not pandery at all, just your average sexy teen idol wants boring fuckboy)
Teacher is dead he was dick and uggo so who cares lol
Chase after uggo game lover nerd haha dungeon is nerdy game shit lol video games cause violence right guys? Didnt u know that video gamers are all ugly socially inept muderous pathetic freaks????? THATS U BTW UR UGGO INEPT MUDEROUS CREEPY LOSER FREAK LOL 
Also rise cums when you kill enemies 
Now murders are solved rite so lets have celebration!!!! Girls make omlettes but they CANT COOK LOL wasnt that so funny last time joke so nice they made it twice
Summer festival time Rise wants yu dick and Yosuke wants wet dick but teddie claims all three girls for himself and they go without protest despite not wanting to because they are STRONG FEMALE CHARACTERS WHO KNOW THEIR PLACE AND KNOW NOT TO BACKTALK THEIR MAN (isnt this game so progressive) 
PERSONA 3 REFERENCES also underage drinking bUT NOT REALLY JUST SEXUAL HARASSMENT BECAUSE LOL also teddie stalks them lol also teacher books SEX HOTEL???? How wacky
You kno how muder was solved WELL NOT REALLY WHAT A SHOCK THE GAME HAD NO PLOT FOR LIKE TWO MONTHS anyways
Naoto is strong masculine manly mc man detective but gets kidnapped and is actuallY TRANS BUT NOT REALLY IS ACTUALLY JUST GIRL AND THINKS SHES CHILDISH OR SOMETHING but NOT REALLY ACTUALLY SHE’s JUST LONELY but not really idefk. Remember kiddies being different is okay!!! uwu (so long as you ARENT ACTUALLY DIFFERENT U FREAKOZOID kill urself)
Cultrue festival Rise wants u 2 do her in school halls balls deep but game doesn't let you????? lame 0/10 
But then YOSUKE FORCES GIRLS INTO UNCOMFORTABLE beauty pagent that they cant back out of even if someone else signed them up under penalty of DEATH AND RAPE (I presume) because yosuke remains such an endearing character BUT THEN girls get revenge by forcing him into drag contest and u and kanji too even tho it was only yosuke because the GIRLS ARE SUCH AMAZING FRIENDS lol girls are objectified lol fatty thinks shes hot lolllollollooololooloololoollolololooll0lkooolloollololoololol (game designers had to stop in order to finish laughing at own jokes)
then drag contest ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww grosssssssssssssss icky teddie wins because................a dude? PASSING AS A WOMAN??????? Totes not transphobic vibes none at ALL
then HOT SPRINGS SLEEPOVER at inn because there is just SO MUCH MORE FUNNY TO BE HAD (isnt this all so relevant to plot and character??? rich narrative very necessary part of story, game would be UNSALVAGABLE without it) 
Girls are bitches and think that guys are perving because hot springs doesn't tell them when it's time for girls to go? ?????? Great fuckin service amagi inn also why would the guys perv by just casually walking in??? Why why why why why qwhyw why why anyways they throw buckets at the guys and it's HILARIOUS and not at all uncomfortable, guys run away in terror and the girls are like YEAH GIRL POWER!!! Then they find out about mistake and apologize like good friends, people and normal humans would b/c even for pervin that was extra  no just kidding LOL They actually keep it a secret becausE LOL GIRL POWER STRONG RELATABLE FEMALE CHARACTERS AMIRITE WHO HASNT ABUSED THEIR FRIENDS WITHOUT ANY FEELINGS OF REMORSE OR GUILT LOL (also nanako saw that all bad influence on child)
since the friendships are all so wholesome and not at all toxic or unhealthy the guys totally write this off and try to explain themselves to the girls. NO, actualyl, since Tedide and Yosuke are still such ENDEARING characters they instead decide to molest girls in sleep RELATABLE but uh oh they accidentally molest fatty and uggo old teacher who looks 30 and then fatty and teach are like cool let's fuck and like REAL TEENS they are grossed out at being offered sex because yuck women over 20 and fatty also why are fatty and "old" lady hangin out anyway?? Apparently if ur gross u hang out together, b/c that's how it works rite. such grea t non contrivences
Nanako is dying whatever who cares 
Namatame then kidnapps nanako or somth who cares dojima dies but NOT REALLY
then they go to heaven because nanako is sad but nobody gave a shit narukami never cared to ask or try to keep her company isn't he just so GREAT and considerate to the girl being boderline abused and neglected in his own fuckin house no who cares BUT NOW WE CARE RIGHT GUYS
Namatame is cray cray and his boss design is uggo and bullshit
Nanako dies, Yosuke advocates MURDER because he is still SO ENDEARING and player has to chose EXACT FUCKIN DIOLOGUE WITH NOT ONE MISTAKE OR EVERYTHIGN SUCKS AND ITS ALL UR FAULT also in some endings you murder because fuck you 
but then if u dont murder NANAKO WAS DEAD BUT NOT REALLY but only if u dont murder so congrats u were emotionally manipulated into killing the mentally ill b/c ur so great good job
then it turns out Namatame you know how he was cray cray well turns out he wANST REALLY CRAY he just had plot-convient-tempo-insanity-itius as the doctors call it then u talk to him and u know how he was the killer? Welll...NOT REALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY he was actually good guy u almost killed innocent man fck u then u have three chances to guess killer and only u can and if you dont get it in three guesses you get, as the doctors call it, plot-convient-stupid-cant-think-anymore-itius and thus you run out of time and nobody in the world can guess except you and even over the next three months nobody can guess because who cares I guess lol 2 ppl r dead it turns out you know quirky relatable cop man well NOT FUCKIN REALLY he is actually crazy because he's bored and as everyone knows when youre bored you kill also he's sad that he doesn't have talent even tho he is sucessful detective???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? then god bullshit end of world or smth who cares
then everything is over also i forgot teddie disappears so sad but NOT REALLY
Christmas eve sex ( i banged rise on top of christmas cake) 
Girls can now cook character development girls learned how to cook 10/10 v progressive 
Then flash forward to three months later because fuck you and Yu is leavin because idk and the game ends BUT NOT REALLY ashkually you can get TRUE SUPER AWESOME ending if you are able to figure out that you have to go to junes for no reason except fuck you 
turns out the gas station attendent u know him? well he was super bored and he's actually a GOD WOWZERS so amazing did you know jesus was a part timer at a gas station????? NO??? That's why youre playing this sack of shit anyway humanity wants ignorance or so god says (sound familiar, Nyx??) and she almost wins BUT NOT REALLY Because yu has the power of frienship and you know that awesome scene of makoto fighting nyx? Well imagine thaT BUT SHIT b/c no buildup
for all ur xtra efforts u get teddie saying hearts are connected anime KH cliche (wasnt that so worth the extra bullshit dungeon) 
Yu is leaving SO SAD WHAT ARE YOU CRYING ABOUT P3 WUSS CAST? Your friend is dead? GTFO with those 1st world problems NARUKAMI HAS TO TAKE THE TRAIN TO SEE HIS FRIENDS THIS IS THE TRUE TRAGIC DRAMA WHAT COULD BE WORSE
THE END 0/10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
#3 - ASSULT OF THE CASH COWS
so p4 is gr8 rite m8? well no but apparentlly dumb 14yr old boys were like "omg this game half akcnowleges gays exsist so PROGRESSIVE also i can fuck mai waifu n have friends" and so p4 made a shit ton of money atlus saw dis money printin out and were like $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so dey were lyke "lets release a buncha shit”
Persona 4 The Animation: Imagine the same shitty p4 plot but with EVEN MORE HOMOPHOBIA!!!!! also racism!!!! plus MORE FAT JOKES!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahaahahahahah also the animation is piss poor shit!!! Doesn't this sound wonderful????? 
Persona 4 Arena: So Atlus was lyke yannao wat totes goes with our super serious and super "mature" jrpg seriess? Do u kno? BLAZBLUE!!!!! The over the top weeb fighting game!!! YEah son!!!!! So anyways a fighting game comes out with barely any playable characters??????? Great. Fantastic not the least bit fanficy character writing. Also, there is a plot b/c dis shit be canon. Dats right!!! Now you may be thinking "mmmm how does that work????" well the geneiuses at atlus say "B/C SHITTY P3 RETCON CHARACTER IS SAD ABOUT DESTROYING FRINEDS WHOLE TV WORLD BECOMES ARENA WERE PEOPLE HAVE TO FIGHT FRIENDS" and u may hear that and wonder?? "what deh fuck, wasn't tv world gone also when did this ever happen in p4????" to which fanboys proply accuse u of hating fighting games and behead u. 
So at this point in time, P4 is offically dead. It is dead as doornails. but atlus is lyke "Hey let's rape the corpse" and they release shitty remake on overpriced shit system nobody bought. You may be wondering "2012 didn't p4 only come out less than five years ago????" to which atlus says "shut the fuck up and give us money" hence P4 Golden
Persona 4 Golden: Added marie, inistant failure trashfire BUT WAIT!!!! THERE IS SO MUCH MORE!!!! Added events!!! 
a) Yosuke wants dick wet and will cum if he feels boobs on his back!! So Yu and Yosuke team up to get shitty dumb ugly bikes b/c they're sooooo cooool rite mitsuru? You and ur dumb motorbike p4 is the real mature game. Anyway. Then they go hit on girls and yosuke gets one!!! YAY!! BUT OH NO!!! IT'S ACTUALLY STUPID FATSO STILL THINKIN SHE'S HOT WHEN SHE'S ACTUALLY STUPID BC SHE'S FAT!!! She then sits on yosuke's bike and it breaks because lol shes fat get it get it get it get it????? Doesn't this add so much to the story??? RICH NARATIVE RIGHT GUYS?!
b) BEACH TIME!!! Because that's where the real compelling drama is!!! Anyway they go to the beach and yuckerbears kanji is in a speedo!!! Gross!! I hope yosuke doesn't catch the gay!!! Then teddie tries to molest the girls bc he's such an endearing character lol then kanji's bathing suit falls off!!!! How did this happen u may ask?? ANIME MAGIC!! So then they dress kanji in seaweed like birth of venus and girls scream and run. the end. 
c) Fireworks festival yay time ted-fiya so memorable. Yosuke wants to murder Teddie bc PORN so funny haha more fat jokes also teddie wants 2 bang nanako
d) Nanako is sad again whatever who cares
e) Halloween party!!! BUT NOT REALLY!!
f) SKIING TRIP!!!! YAY!!! P3 REFERENCES!!! YAY!!! Shiptease!!! Yay!!! Teddie steals food so Naoto advocates for his MURDER!!! YAY!! IF YOU DID MARIES SLINK YOU GET XTRA AWESOME DUNGEON!! ALSO IMPLIED RAPEY SEX IN THE SNOW BUT NOT REALLY!!! ANYWAY turns out that marie sucked up the ameno sagiri fog! What u thought it just went away on its own?? BULLSHIT!!!! Next you'll be questioning the ever so important role of NPC John Smith in creating Izanami's gas attendent disguise. Or NPC Billy Bob in giving Ameno Saigiri directions to the boss fight. RIVETING DIOLAUGE LIKE "is this like the part in movies where the bad guys lair collapses??????" WORST GIRL IS DEAD BE SAD EVERYONE ELSE IS U MONSTER!!! BUT NOT REALLY!!! INSTEAD SHIP FUEL!!!! Also marie is polite for half second, AMAZES ENTIRE CAST GREAT WRITING!!!!!!!!! dont u love it when ur friends treat u like shit? then there’s a lovely scene where the dudes perv on the girls who are sexaulized and marie attacks them. Riveting. Then they all died and we were all happy. 
g) New years eve. That is all. also new stupid persona evolutions that look stupid. 
h) Valentine's DAY!!! I bang Rise on the da beach!!! Also if u slink with marie at all she forces you to cheat!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!
i) OH, NO! Yosuke is going to have to move maybe idk wasnt he supposed to want to move??? idk shut up. anyways. to keep yosuke miserable his friends have to become a band in TWO DAYS!!!! How will they ever do that??? well guess what with zero experience the entire group becomes master musicians in TWO DAYS!!!!!!! That's right, it's that easy!!!! U 2 can become as good as Green Day in two Days!!!! not that they ever play again lol or ever bring this up again lol. Then the dudes jump into the crowd and lol the crowd dodges thme aand nothing is accomplished. 
j) New super awesome epilogue you only get if you slink marie even tho she isn’t there for 90% of it whatever the new designs suck
Anyway since the game isn't slice of life enough you can now bang rise in the movies and the hot springs also you can go out at night so exciting.
You can now force Naoto into sexy outfits against her will because isn’t it so cute when girls don’t like being objectified??? Also they molest her at the hot springs??? Also 
So yeah P4G sucks ass. But ATLUS didn't stop there!!!! OH no! Atlus then went on to make Persone Q!!! They decided this time to drag innocent bystander P3 as well!!
Persona Q: some bullshit about a dying girl causes the P3 and P4 cast to meet in a wonderful culture festival crossover!! With lovely gameplay and no regression in character!! Chie always had nothing to her past loving meat right????? Also yu can fuck the dog from p3!! isnt this so believable and not the least bit stupid or contrived? isn't it?? Isn't it???????? Not much to say its just dumb surely Atlus must be done now right?? RIGHT?? WRONG!!!!!!
 Now you see since P4G came out, OBVIOUSLY the anime needs to be partially remade! You may be asking, isn't the anime less than TWO YEARS old at this point? Why remake it? Did golden really have such a different story? No. 
P4 Golden Animation: Marie, marie, marie, marie, ten episodes of marie, never goes anywhere, confusing and boring af but look 16 yr olds in bikinis and nude and not totally shit animation so it's ok right? RIGHT? RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! P4 at this point has been raped to death all over again and the corpse is still being fucked and they won't just let it die. BUT NO!!!! Enter p4 arena ultimax!!
P4 Arena Ultimax: B/c the first was so great, they made another!! Game so nice they made it twice!! but now the dark hour from p3 is back because idk we ran out of ideas. Also junpei and koromaru and adachi great. But guess what!!!!!! AWESOME NEW CHARACTER!! His name is sho!! He is the secret son of dude from P3, how is this possible? fuck you. Anyway he is so tragic and sad he hates friendship!! awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!! :((((( But never fear!!! The p4 team will show sho the glory of frienship isnt this so interesting and original and great????
p4's violated, torn up corspe now has zero dignity left so atlus decided to reanimate the corpse with dead horse dildos and force it to dance 
P4 DAN: Dancing. Shit dancing. Nobody knows how to dance. Remember how P4 used to be about murder and accepting uncomfortable truths???? Well now its about shittily animated dances. Isn't this so great? Guess what we lean about the characters? We learn that they can't fuckin dance and watching them is cringy af. Also now the tv world is a dance stage because the tv world just does whatever the fuck we want it to. what if a characters shadow is a rapist, would they be forced to rape?? is that how atlus would make a porn game?? if we wanted to make a chess game a famous chess player who feels forced to play chess will then make u forced to play chess. .... so obivously, the P4 fandom realized that Atlus was raping their game and refused to buy it right?? RIGHT??? WRONG. They actually will castrate you with a rusty carving knife if you ever so much as imply P4 is a cash cow.
It totally is tho
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