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#so that's what this was or at least what it was supposed to be (I'll never write this lol)
hannieehaee · 1 day
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DOES HE KNOW ? (teaser)
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18+ / mdi
summary: after being friends with lee chan for a good portion of your life, the boy you considered nothing but your best friend suddenly starts acting different, making you slowly fall for him. problem is, you have a boyfriend.
content: friends2lovers!chan, reader has a bf, almost cheating but not actually, afab reader, smut, oral (f receiving), wet dream (this is actually a huge point in the plot lol), masturbation (f receiving), dry humping, more oral (f receiving), penetrative sex, etc.
(^ no actual content warnings in the teaser)
wc: 1k (teaser); 9.8k (full fic)
release date: april 17th
or you can check it out on my ko-fi or patreon today by subscribing to either one!
a/n: rewrote this so many times but finally finished it!! i love writing channie so i hope u guys enjoy<3
masterlist
support me through a one time tip<3
Something was clearly wrong with you.
Was Lee Chan hot?
Nothing made sense anymore, and it had been the case for a while.
You could date it back to some months ago, at one of Soonyoung's usual gatherings. This had been where it all began, or more so, where it all ended.
For some reason unknown to man, that was the day in which Chan began courting you (his words, not yours).
After years of a solid friendship between the two of you, a not-so tipsy Chan cornered you at aforementioned party and began dancing with you. This was a common occurrence between the two of you. Despite having been taken for the past few months, you were still quite liberal about your touchy relationship with your best friend. However, what happened next what was truly out of the ordinary.
"Hey," he had whispered against your ear.
"Yeah?", you giggled, entertained by the boy.
"Wanna know a secret?"
"Sure."
"I've never wanted anyone as much as I want you," and with that, the dam had broken.
You froze against his arms, eyes widening. Though he could not see, as you were holding each other far too close to make eye contact.
Maybe he was drunk?
He interrupted you before you could respond. Chan pulled away from you to look into your eyes with a fully sober look in his face.
"I'm not drunk, and I know you have a boyfriend. And I know you only see me as a friend. But give me a few weeks, and I'll change both those things," was the last thing he said before giving you a peck on the cheek (yet another common thing in your relationship) and walking away with a confident sway in his step.
Ever since then, you had been bombarded by romantic gestures from your former best friend – former because you truly had no idea how you felt about him by this point.
Chan bought you flowers, – even when it was raining – had your favorite beverage at hand any time you so happened to see him, tied your shoelaces should they ever come undone, plucked loose eyelashes from your cheeks, tucked your hair behind your ear, placed his hand at the small of your back before crossing a street, walked you to and from home, looked at you with an indescribable sweetness in his eye, he ... He did everything any girl would need to be completely swooned (and then some).
You were beyond confused as to when this change had come about. As far as you knew, you were nothing more than best friends. When had Chan even begun liking you? What had changed?
"Oh. He's always had a thing for you," was what your mutual friend Soonyoung said when you first brought it up.
"What do you mean? We've been friends for years, he's never-"
"Yeah, duh. You never showed interest, what was he supposed to do? But yeah, he's crazy about you," added Seungkwan, sipping his drink nonchalantly.
You had decided to meet up with some of your mutual friends while Chan was at work. You needed at least five minutes with your other friends without Chan getting in the way with his flirting.
"It's kinda sick, actually," interjected Soonyoung once more.
You remained quiet for a while, thinking back to every interaction you'd ever had with Chan that may have revealed his feelings for you. Unfortunately, you kept drawing blanks all the while Soonyoung stole fries from your plate, disregarding your confusion at the situation.
"But why now?", you finally asked, slapping his meddling hand away from your food.
He shrugged, "Maybe he got fed up of watching you with that guy."
"He has a name, Soonyou-"
"None of us really care enough to learn it."
That much was true. None of your friends were fans of your current boyfriend. Or of any of them, to be quite frank. You had certain lack of skill at picking them, though this time around you felt confident about your current relationship. He was nice and respectful. Maybe a little bit of a square, but you liked to think you brought out the fun in him. This was also the longest relationship you'd ever had, giving you the grand total of three months in a exclusive relationship and a month and a half of a very prolonged talking stage that took place before he ever asked you out officially.
"Is this because I've been taken for longer than usual?", you tried to assert.
"Oh! That might be it, huh?", Soonyoung agreed.
"Well, I guess he didn't want you to break your streak of failed relationships," chuckled Kwan.
With a slap to his chest, you dropped the subject, deciding to ignore the slight acceleration of your heart any time you thought about Chan's crush for too long.
At first you found it to be a bit of a joke, but his affections quickly began to wear you down. It also didn't help how blatant he was about it, constantly flirting up a storm around your friends, not caring for their amused smiles at your flustered half-rejections of his advances. The only times in which he held back were the rare occasions in which your boyfriend would join your friend group in their outings. He could be reserved at times, not really clicking with your loud friends, so his presence was not a common thing.
Being honest, you felt kind of bad at the genuine excitement Chan's crush gave you. Though you weren't sure of your feelings for him at this point, his interest flustered you tremendously. You'd always known him as a pretty and charming guy, despite never really acknowledging such things. You understood why he got so much attention from girls, though you never thought too much of it. He was your best friend, you never had any motive to consider anything further than platonic feelings for him. But now that you were questioning your feelings, you felt as if you were kind of betraying your boyfriend.
Not to misunderstand, you had no desire of pursuing anything with anyone while you were in a committed relationship. You were just not that kind of person. But the mere thought of blushing at the words of a guy who wasn't yours (all while actually having a guy of your own) made you feel ashamed. Specially considering that you already had a very grand preexisting fondness for the guy in question.
God damn you, Lee Chan.
...
read today on ko-fi or patreon by subscribing to either one<3
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ozzgin · 1 day
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Ozz.. at this point I think you should just make fic of yourself… I call thee :
“Ozzgin, The groom of many, Poet of depravities, Maker of the Ancient House of whores (readers), and Hands of the illustrator.”
Faq, wait, now you sound like Zeus….
Yeaaaah, I do very much enjoy my consent, thank you :’) But mythological scoundrels aside, you did give me a very funny idea, anon. Like...
Yandere! Tumblr Writer x Literal Reader
TW: stalking, obsessive behavior
"Oh, a new post!" You roll over to the side and begin scrolling. Your favorite writer just shared a new story, and you can't wait to get your yandere fill.
You scan the paragraphs with a wide grin, yet as the story progresses, your features begin to twist in confusion. Are you imagining things? The author's notes mentioned something about a particular kind of Reader for this plot. But this...
It starts rather generic, then the details are fleshed out. Details eerily similar to your own life. "W-well, many people look like this, I suppose", you tell yourself reassuringly. That's right. A lovely, unexpected coincidence. At least you can insert yourself better into the story.
Oh, but it goes on. Isn't this your nickname? The place described sounds so much like your own home...and your family situation...and your street. You sit up and stare at the phone. What the hell?
Not only is everything an exact account of your life, but the plot dutifully replicates your last week, almost as if someone had followed closely behind. The times you left your place, what you wore, where you went. You just realize you've been holding your breath.
The story moves on to what would be tomorrow. The yandere finally decides to make a move, essentially trapping the Reader. You continue to gawk at the words, unable to look away.
It must be a misunderstanding. With trembling hands, you type in an anonymous ask. Funny coincidence, you explain, you nearly thought this story was about you.
Seconds later, you receive a notification. The writer just responded: "I have to get my inspiration from somewhere, (Y/N). I'll see you tomorrow :)"
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The Crow Road by Iain Banks
I finished The Crow Road and had a little time to think about it. I'll put my thoughts under a Keep Reading in case anyone is trying to avoid spoilers.
As I speculated before, I think it's likely that The Crow Road is more related to Good Omens in philosophy than in plot. I mean, it's not that the plots necessarily have nothing in common, and we could be very surprised in the end of course, but now that I've read the whole book, its philosophical commonalities with GO are both apparent and kind of inspiring. Also, if I were a writer, I'd be more interested in dropping hints about what themes are important than telegraphing my whole plot ahead of time.
So here, I will describe the book and point out themes that I believe may reappear in Good Omens 3.
This is a long post. If you read it, make a cup of [beverage of choice].
Below are mentions of suicide, death/murder, and sexual acts.
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The Crow Road centers around a character named Prentice McHoan, a university student in Scotland who starts to sort out his complicated relationship with his complicated family as he explores the mystery of his uncle Rory's disappearance. Although the book is mostly from Prentice's perspective, the narration jumps around in time with the McHoan family. There are quite a lot of important characters to keep track of; the bare-bones summary I put below doesn't even include some of the important ones. I wanted to make the summary even shorter and simpler than this, but the truth is that this book is not short or simple, and if I made the summary any simpler, it might be downright misleading.
There are at least three major cultural aspects of The Crow Road that I am inexperienced with: the overall culture in the 1950s-1980s (I was born in 1988, so of course wasn't here for the relevant decades), the international experience of the Gulf War (again, born in 1988), and the history and culture of Scotland itself (I'm USAmerican with only reading as a source). As a result, I'm sure there are important dimensions to the book that I've missed. If someone has a different perspective taking some of these things into account, I'd love to know about it.
Also, keep in mind, there is a great deal of descriptive writing in this book. There are a lot of pages about the geography of Scotland, and about Prentice as a kid, and about Prentice's father and uncles hanging out together in their youth, and about various family incidents, and about Prentice spending time with his brothers and friends. At first, these passages seem to just make things more confusing, and in my head, I accused them of being "filler." But they definitely serve a purpose. They're a way of showing and not telling the characters' attitudes and relationships to each other. More importantly, because we get to actually live these experiences with the characters, they are what give all the plot points below their deeper emotional impacts. In other words, the everyday experiences give the plot its deeper meaning. They resonate with one of the core themes in the novel: that our experiences in life, rather than any supposed existence after death, are what matters.
The Crow Road's story is like this:
Prentice is rather directionless in life, and he seems to have trouble investing any energy in his own future as he moons over his unrequited feelings for an idealized young woman named Verity. Soon, Verity ends up in a romance with Prentice's brother, Lewis, and Prentice feels that Lewis "stole" her from him. Prentice has also become estranged from his father, Kenneth, over spirituality. Prentice believes there has to be something more after death because he feels it would be incredibly unfair if people didn't get anything other than this one life; Kenneth is not only a passionate atheist, but is offended by the notion of an afterlife.
Prentice's uncle Hamish, Kenneth's brother, has always been religious, although his religion involves a number of bizarre and offbeat ideas of his own, with inspiration from more traditional Christian notions. Prentice is not really sure about this ideology, but he's willing to talk to Hamish about it and even participates during Hamish's prayers, whereas Kenneth is openly scornful of Hamish's beliefs. Hamish interprets this as Prentice being on "his side."
Prentice has a few opportunities to go back and talk to his father, and is begged to do so by his mom, Mary, with whom his relationship is still good. Mary doesn't want either of the men to give up their inner ideas about the universe; she just wants them to agree to disagree and move on as a family. Prentice says he will visit, but he just keeps putting it off and off and off.
Prentice acquires a folder containing some of his missing uncle Rory's notes in the process of hooking up with Rory's former girlfriend, Janice Rae, who seems to have taken a shine to Prentice because he reminds her of Rory. Using the contents of the folder, Prentice wants to piece together the great literary work that Rory left unfinished, which Rory titled Crow Road; however, it becomes apparent that Rory didn't turn his concepts into anything substantial and only had a bunch of disconnected notes and ideas. He hadn't even decided whether Crow Road would be a novel, a play, or something else. The few bits of Rory's poetry for Crow Road read are bleak and depressing.
Prentice also spends a lot of time with a young woman named Ash. They've been good friends since childhood and seem to have a somewhat flirtatious dynamic now, but they aren't in a romantic relationship; mostly, they drink and hang out together. Ash tells Prentice bluntly to get his life back on track when she finds out he's failing at school, avoiding his family, and engaging in shoplifting. She is a voice of reason, and when Prentice insists to her that he's just a failure, she reminds him that actually, he's just a kid.
Prentice's efforts to figure out Rory's story or location stagnate, and he continues to fail at school and avoid his father. He then receives word that Kenneth was killed while debating faith with Hamish. In fact, Kenneth dies after a fall from a church lightning rod, which he was climbing in an act of defiance against Hamish's philosophy when it was struck by lightning; Hamish is convinced that Kenneth had incurred God's wrath. Ash is there for support when Prentice finds out about the death.
With Ash's help, Prentice returns to his hometown again to help manage Kenneth's affairs. Prentice speaks with a very shaken Hamish, who is handling Kenneth's death with extreme drama and making it all about his own feelings. Hamish tells Prentice that Kenneth was jealous that Prentice shared more in common with Hamish's faith than with Kenneth's lack of faith. However, this isn't really true, and as he contemplates his father's death, Prentice begins to internalize one of the last things Hamish reported that Kenneth had argued: "All the gods are false. Faith itself is idolatry."
As the chapters go on, Prentice is compelled by some of the meaningful items related to Rory that he discovers in his father's belongings. He gains a renewed sense of purpose trying to solve the mystery of where Rory went and what happened to him. Among the interesting items are an ancient computer disk of Rory's that Prentice can't access with any equipment he can find; Ash uses her connections in the US and Canada to find a computer expert who can finally open the files on it. This takes quite a while, since the disk has to be mailed and Ash's connection is investigating the disk only in his free time.
Prentice also discovers that his feelings for Verity have changed. He no longer feels angry with Lewis for "stealing her." At first, Prentice's narration describes this as his feelings "cooling" as a result of the trauma of losing his father, but interestingly, this soon means Prentice gets to know Verity as a sister-in-law without getting caught up in jealous romantic feelings. Verity gets along well with the family, and Prentice is actually happy to discover that she and Lewis have a baby on the way. Prentice's relationship with Lewis improves greatly as well, partly because he is no longer jealous and partly because he realizes he does not want to lose Lewis, too.
Ash's connection who was looking at Rory's computer disk comes through and sends the printed contents of the files to Prentice. The files reveal to him that Rory likely knew Prentice's uncle, Ferg, murdered his wife by unbuckling her seat belt and crashing their car. Rory had written out a fictional version of events and considered using it in Crow Road. I'm not clear on exactly how certain Rory was about Ferg's crime, or whether Rory would have intentionally reported Ferg, or whether Rory even had enough proof to publicly accuse Ferg of murder, but people would likely have connected the dots in Rory's work and become suspicious of Ferg. For this reason, Prentice believes Ferg murdered Rory as well.
Prentice confronts Ferg. He doesn't get a confession and leaves Ferg's home with no concrete proof of anything; Ferg denies it all. But Prentice is soon physically assaulted in the night, and it seems Ferg was almost certainly the culprit, because he hadn't been home that same night, and he had injuries (probably from being fought off) the next day. A day or two later, Ferg's body is found unconscious in the cockpit of a plane, which crashes into the ocean. It's uncertain whether this was a suicide, but Prentice suspects it was. Rory's body is then soon recovered from the bottom of a waterway near Prentice's home, where Ferg had sunk it years ago.
As the mysteries are solved, Prentice realizes his feelings for Ash are romantic love. However, it's too late, he thinks, because Ash is about to take a job in Canada, where she may or may not stay. Prentice also hesitates to approach her because he's embarrassed about his previous behavior, venting all his angst about Verity and his father. He isn't sure she would even want to be in a relationship with him after that. But the very night before Ash leaves, she kisses Prentice on the cheek, which leads to a deeper kiss. They finally connect, have sex, and confess their mutual feelings. Ash still goes to her job in Canada, but says she'll come back when Prentice is done with his studies that summer.
The relationship's future is somewhat uncertain because something could come up while Ash is in Canada, but Prentice is hopeful. The book ends with Prentice getting ready to graduate with his grades on track as a history scholar, fully renouncing his belief in an afterlife while he acknowledges the inherent importance of our experiences in our lives now, and enjoying his time with Lewis and Verity and his other family members.
What's the point of all these hundreds of pages?
Well, look at all of the above; there's definitely more than one point. But the main point I took away is that we get this one life, with our loved ones in this world here and now, and this is where we make our meanings. There is no other meaning, but that doesn't mean there's no meaning at all. It means the meaning is here.
It's not death that gives life its meaning. It's the things we do while alive that give life its deeper meaning.
The Crow Road is described (on Wikipedia) as a Bildungsroman, a story focusing on the moral and philosophical growth and change of its main character as they transition from childhood to adulthood ("coming-of-age novel" is a similar term that is interchangeable, but more vague and not necessarily focused on morality/philosophy). And, indeed, all of the plots ultimately tie into Prentice's changed philosophy.
After his argument with Kenneth, Prentice feels childish and humiliated, and as a result, he refuses to go back home, which leads to a spiral of shame and depression. Kenneth dies and Prentice realizes it's too late to repair the relationship, which also leads him to realize it's what we do in life that matters, and that therefore, his father's argument was correct after all.
At the end of the novel, Prentice outright describes his new philosophy. However, I can't recall one specific passage where Prentice describes the process of how he changed his mind (if anyone else can remember something I missed, do let me know). There is, however, a moment when his narration indicates that Hamish seems less disturbed by his own part in the incident that led to Kenneth's death and more disturbed by the notion that his beliefs might actually be true: there might actually be an angry, vengeful God. In other words, Hamish's philosophy was selfish at its core.
My interpretation is that when his father died, Prentice realized three things: how utterly self-serving Hamish's devout faith is, how Kenneth's untimely death proves the importance of working things out now rather than in an imaginary afterlife, and how much profound meaning Kenneth had left behind despite having no faith at all. After these realizations, a determined belief in an afterlife no longer makes our lives here more profound like Prentice once thought it did.
Also, it's worth noting that this incident changes Prentice's idea of partnership, too. He loses interest in this distant, idealized woman he's been after. In love as in the rest of life, Prentice lets go of his ideals, and in doing so, he makes room for true meaning, both in a sincere familial, platonic connection with Verity and a sincere intimate, romantic connection with Ash.
But what about the sex scene?!
Yes, indeed, at the tail end of the story, Prentice and Ash have sex and admit they want to be in a relationship together. Prentice's narration describes them sleeping together and having intercourse not just once, but many times, including some slow and relaxed couplings during which they flex the muscles in their private parts to spell out "I.L.Y." and "I.L.Y.T." to each other in Morse code. This is relevant because earlier, they had been surprised and delighted to discover that they both knew Morse code; it isn't a detail that came from nowhere.
I didn't get the impression that this scene was trying to be especially titillating to the reader. It was mostly just a list of stuff the characters did together. I felt the point was that they were still anxious about being emotionally honest, a little desperate to convey their feelings without having to speak them out loud, and awkward in a way that made it obvious that their primary concern was the feelings, not the sexual performance. They cared about each other, but they weren't trying to be impressive or put on a show; contrast this with previous scenes where Prentice would act like a clown in front of Ash to diffuse his own anxiety. I've always thought that being able to have awkward sex and still enjoy it is a good sign.
Okay, so what does this all have to do with Good Omens?
Here's where I have to get especially interpretive. I'm doing my best, but of course, not everyone reading this will have the same perspective on Good Omens, the Final Fifteen especially. I believe similar themes are going to resonate between The Crow Road and Good Omens regardless of our particular interpretations of the characters' behavior and motivations, but I suppose it could hit differently for some people.
The TL;DR: I see similar themes between The Crow Road and Good Omens in:
The importance of mortal life on Earth
Meaning (or purpose) as something that we create as we live, not something that is handed to us by a supreme being
Sincere connection and love/passion (for people, causes, arts, life's work, etc) as a type of meaning/purpose
Relationships as reflections of philosophy
The dual nature of humanity
Life on Earth as the important part of existence is a core theme in Good Omens, and has been since the very beginning. We all already know Adam chose to preserve the world as it already is because he figured this out, and we all already know Aziraphale and Crowley have been shaped for the better by their experiences on Earth. But Good Omens isn't done with this theme by a long shot. I think this is the most important thematic commonality Good Omens will have with The Crow Road. Closely related is the notion that we create our meanings as we live, rather than having them handed to us. Isn't this, in a way, what Aziraphale struggles with in A Companion to Owls? He's been given this meaning, this identity, that doesn't fit him. But does he have anything else to be? Not yet.
Partnerships as a parallel to the characters' philosophical development also resonates as a commonality that The Crow Road may have with Good Omens. Prentice's obsession with Verity goes away when he starts to embrace the importance of life on Earth and makes room for his sincere relationship with Ash. Note their names: "Verity" is truth, an ideal Prentice's father instills in him; "Ashley" means "dweller in the ash tree meadow" in Anglo-Saxon, according to Wikipedia, and "ash" is one of the things people return to after death. Prentice literally trades his high ideals for life on Earth. We see in Aziraphale a similar tug-o'-war between Heaven's distant ideals and Crowley's Earthly pleasures, so I can see a similar process potentially playing out for him.
I don't particularly recall a ton of thematic exploration of free will in The Crow Road. However, there is a glimmer of something there: Prentice feels excessively controlled by Kenneth's desire to pass down his beliefs, and part of the reason Prentice is so resistant to change is simply his frustration with feeling censored and not being taken seriously. As the reader, I do get the feeling that while Prentice is immature, Kenneth made major mistakes in handling their conflict, too. And Kenneth's mistakes come from trying to dictate Prentice's thoughts. There is likely some crossover with Good Omens in the sense that I'm pretty sure both stories are going to take the position that people need to be allowed to make mistakes, and to do things that one perceives as mistakes, without getting written off as "stupid" or "bad" or otherwise "unworthy."
Suffice it to say that the human characters in Good Omens will also certainly play into these themes, but it's hard to write about them when we don't know much about them except that one of them is almost certainly the reincarnation of Jesus. This also makes me suspect perhaps the human cast will be 100% entirely all-new, or mostly new, symbolic of how Aziraphale and Crowley have immersed themselves in the ever-evolving, ever-changing world of life on Earth. Alternatively, if we encounter human characters again from Season 1 or 2, perhaps the ways they've grown and changed will be highlighted. For example, even in real-world time, Adam and Warlock have already, as of the time I'm writing this, gone through at least one entire life stage (from 11 in 2019 to 16 in 2024). They'll be legal adults in a couple of years, and if there's a significant time skip, they could be much older. If characters from Season 1 do reappear and themes from The Crow Road are prominent, I would expect either some key scenes highlighting contrasts and changes from their younger selves or for stagnation and growth to be a central part of their plot.
The more I write, the more I just interpret everything in circles. Hopefully this post has at least given you a decent idea of what The Crow Road is like and how it may relate to Good Omens.
I'll end this post with a quotation that feels relevant:
Telling us straight or through his stories, my father taught us that there was, generally, a fire at the core of things, and that change was the only constant, and that we – like everybody else – were both the most important people in the universe, and utterly without significance, depending, and that individuals mattered before their institutions, and that people were people, much the same everywhere, and when they appeared to do things that were stupid or evil, often you hadn’t been told the whole story, but that sometimes people did behave badly, usually because some idea had taken hold of them and given them an excuse to regard other people as expendable (or bad), and that was part of who we were too, as a species, and it wasn’t always possible to know that you were right and they were wrong, but the important thing was to keep trying to find out, and always to face the truth. Because truth mattered. Iain Banks, The Crow Road
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heavyhitterheaux · 2 days
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"I'm not going to jail for this”
FL one sentence concept!
I love your work!
Thank you so much bby! I hope you love this!
AN: This was right before they moved to Atlanta and FL had just gotten her license.
“SHIT! ARE THOSE COPS BEHIND US!?” Jack yelled as he was driving behind you and trying to maneuver in order to get in front of you.
Urban was currently in the passenger seat next to him and was high as a kite who simply looked over at him and shrugged.
“URB!”
“WHAT? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? I'M IN THE PASSENGER SEAT!”
“AND HIGH AS A FUCKING KITE!”
“NO I'M NOT!”
You and Jack were currently dragging racing at 2 in the morning and he had been in the lead up until a few minutes ago when you swerved in front of him.
“Damn it, I know she has to see them behind us.” Jack mumbled, but all he noticed was you speeding up in Victoria's car.
“Urb! Call her! You know she's short and can barely see over the steering wheel and I know for a damn fact she can't see the rear view mirror either.”
“Umm….”
“Umm what!?”
“My phone's dead.”
“Just get mine!”
But Urban didn't even have time to call you before another cop car sped past Jack and went behind you. Noticing this, you quickly slowed down and pulled over while Jack did the same and pulled behind you.
The cops asked all of you to step out of the car and now all of you were standing off to the side. With Jack standing next to you and Victoria standing next to Urban.
"I'm not going to jail for this.” Jack muttered and you rolled your eyes.
“Smush, shut up. We're not going to jail.”
“Baby, Urban is as high as a fucking airplane right now! He doesn't even know what planet he's on!”
“Shh! Just let me talk.”
When both officers came over towards the four of you, you put on your biggest smile to hopefully get the four of you out of trouble.
“Good evening, officers.”
“It's really good morning, but do you have any idea how fast you all were going? The speed limit is 45 and both of you were going close to 100.”
“Oh, hadn't noticed.” You replied while shrugging, but one of the officers took a closer look at you and you recognized him as being one of Dani's ex boyfriends.
“I… Y/N! Jack! You know better! What the?”
“Oh my gosh, hi Jamal! How's the baby? You know the one you got by cheating on my sister?”
“Oh good lord, we're going to jail.” Jack mumbled while Victoria looked on with wide eyes and Urban was simply trying not to fall over and decided to lean against the car.
“I… look… me and your sister….”
“Tell her, not me.”
“Either way, stay on topic. I should arrest the four of you.”
“But you aren't going to because I'll call Sheriff Peterson and tell him about…. You know. You just got this job for that baby and I would hate for you to lose it.”
Now all eyes were on Jamal who had a look of shock and then disbelief on his face. His partner looked over at him dumbfounded, but he just shook his head at him.
“I'm letting you off with a warning. Don't do it again.”
“Can we at least finish our race?”
“Y/N!”
“I have him on speed dial, Jamal.”
“Finish it and go home.” He said before the two of them got into their respective cars and drove off.
“Are we… are we going to unpack what just happened?!” Jack asked as he caught your arm as you were making your way back to Victoria's car.
“Hmm later. Jack, we got fifty yards to go and get ready to lose. Oh, but Jamal is an escort in his spare time. I found the website.”
“Wait…. WHAT!?”
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nyoomiin · 10 hours
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roommates: part four.
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your new roommate is... odd, and recently, so are your dreams. still, despite the secrecy, the mystery, and his ice cold exterior, you have the feeling you'd waltz right into love with him. (maybe you already have before.)
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pairing. scaramouche x gn!reader
tags. no warnings, slice of life, fluff, slowburn, friends to lovers, reincarnation au, post irminsul erasure
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prev. masterlist. next.
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Your roommate had changed.
It was a change so minute that you had barely noticed, yet it was there. It was in the way he looked at you, you think. In the way he no longer avoided your eye, and in the way he’d respond to your smile. Well, honestly, he always had that little frown on his face, and his words were always sharp, but still, it was a start.
This was… certainly an interesting development.
See, when you had posted that commission in search of someone who'd loan you some aid, you did not expect that person to be the Traveller. As in the guy who’s taken Teyvat by storm, solving crisis over crisis from nation to nation. As in the guy who's got a title in just about every nation he's visited. That guy.
“Thank you for accepting my commission!” you tell him brightly, because what else were you supposed to say? At the very least, you were sure the job would be well done. “I'll make sure the compensation is worth your while.”
Paimon brightens immediately. “What do you need us for?”
You hand the Traveller the list of fabrics and other materials you need. “Could you get me everything on the list? These aren't the materials I usually buy, so I have no idea which ones are of good quality. Or even how or where to get them.”
“All these are… Inazuman?” Paimon says, curious. “What do you need them for?”
You nod, grinning. “My roommate's from Inazuma — well, he looks like he does… I wanted to make a traditional set of Inazuman clothes for him.”
It would match the shawl you had made for him perfectly. He'd look angelic, you muse, dressed in white and blue.
You'd pay to see the sight, really. You hadn't spent all that time designing and researching and sewing just to see his pretty face be wasted on those boring ass clothes he had on. Seriously, was that the only set of clothes he had or what?
“That's so sweet!” she gushes.
The Traveller pockets the list. “I'll be back by the end of today.”
“Damn, that's really quick. Thank you!”
You have to tell Alhaitham about this.
“He was so pretty, I swear, why aren’t isn't there anyone talking about how insanely gorgeous the Traveller is?” 
Both his hair and eyes were of shimmering gold, not to mention his lean build and rosy skin… You hadn't registered it then, with the legendary Traveller in front of your very eyes, but thinking back on the encounter… damn. You want to make something for him too. Or maybe a little cape and dress for Paimon?
Alhaitham sighs. “Please, try not to get too far ahead of yourself.”
“Easy for you to say. Hmph.” You cross your arms in faux anger, turning your nose up at him. “I can't believe you didn't tell me the Traveller looked like that.”
“You seem quite taken with the Traveller. Does this indicate that you have finally gotten over your infatuation with your roommate?”
You squawk, gasping in indignation and utter betrayal. “Never! Do you think so little of me?”
… He just stares.
“And I don't have a crush on him,” you finish, protesting weakly. “He just seems interesting.”
Even you find it hard to believe yourself.
(He's walking down the streets when a particular store catches his eye.
Little trinkets are laid out on the tables, from keychains to bracelets and the like — but it's the wood carvings that he narrows in on. They're tiny, no bigger than the palm of his hand, and no heavier than a small stone. He picks up the carving of a bunny, inspecting it.
You had always liked bunnies, he remembers. Especially the ones white as snow, and the ones black as night. He wonders if you like them still.
“Would you like that one? It's a thousand and three hundred mora,” the shopkeeper says. “Very cheap for a handmade carving.”
He pauses. Just what was he doing? 
Nothing good would come out of being involved with you yet again, that he knew. No, nothing good ever came out of associating with mortals in general — and that had been a harsh lesson learnt. 
… But ‘Scaramouche’ was no more, and gone was everything that had happened with him too. He was, by right, no one at all.
Him interacting with you — a human who had never known ‘Scaramouche’, a stranger of a person he had simply come to share an apartment with — surely that was alright?
Oh how far has he fallen, to be bargaining with himself like this. He tosses a bag full of mora onto the counter.
“Keep the change.”)
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taglist. (send an ask to be added.)
@franaby @dragontammerz @ainnofinway @sketcheeee @briluvspnk @bunniicantsleep @featuredtofu @tragedy-of-commons @parkjayssi @xiaosantenna @idontevenknow129
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Freaky Fusion
Clawdeen: Ugh this is such a disaster.
Cleo: At least you have Lagoona. Anyone sounds better than, Toralei. I don't know how we're going to figure this out.
Frankie: Which is why, I bought back up.
Holt: What up! Monster High!
Avea: You bought up a washed DJ? Laughs How's he supposed to help you guys?
Holt: narrows his eyes, takes his headphones off
Neighthan: What the...
Jackson: pissed You talk to him like that again and I'll turn you into Monster High's next Headless rider.
Avea:... Noted.
Frankie: Avea, I won't have you insult my friends like that. And Jackson.
Jackson: Yeah, I know I'll try not to experiment on her.
Avea: pales Try?
Frankie: smiles That's all I ask, now the floor is yours.
Jackson: nods As you know, im Jackson Jekyll and that was Holt Hyde. Frankie said you guys are in a similar situation and asked we help out.
Cleo: So you're going to help us, just like that?
Jackson: shrugs Sure why not, not like I have anything better to do. Grins Besides this would make for an intresting experiment.
Frankie: Jackson please don't experiment on my friends.
Jackson: sigh Fine, I won't.
Avea: How come they get an I won't and I get a maybe?
Jackson: You insulted Holt. You're just lucky we've got too many witnesses and I left my scalpel in the lab.
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I can't say this anywhere else, so I'm saying it here.
This is a weird day for me. It's the anniversary of the day my stepmother died. Outwardly, I know I'm supposed to maybe post a photo and say something about missing her...or at the very least be vocally supportive the family members grieving her.
But honestly? My life instantly improved the day she died. My mental health (while still not stellar) is better. My body image is better. My views about what kind of a person I am are still pretty damaged (when someone tells you you're a selfish cunt who ruined her life weekly from the ages of 12-33, I assume it takes a while to recover) but certainly getting better.
I've spent 3 years searching my memory for something good to remember about her and every search has come up with no results found. Any good moment--a vacation, a birthday, a holiday--I can conjure is immediately followed by the memory of icy silence on the way home or a "family meeting" to go over in detail how I hurt her or embarrassed her and how ungrateful I am that she deems me fit to love at all.
So maybe I should be a nice sister and daughter and pretend to grieve. Tell my sister (her daughter) that she's still with her and proud of her and living on through her and my nephew. Tell my dad she would be happy for him having moved on to Wife #4.
I'm sure that would be a comfort.
But I think I'll stay quiet.
I spent 21 years lying to everyone in my family by saying I cared about her. Apologizing and promising to be better each time she yelled at me. Telling her I loved her every time I left my father's house.
I think I've earned the right not to lie anymore.
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woncoyo · 23 hours
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☁️⠀࣭ 𝗌𝗍𝗈𝗉 𝖻𝖾𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖼𝖺𝗋𝖾𝗅𝖾𝗌𝗌, 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾.
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pairing: rival bf!sunghoon + gn!reader genres: fluff. warnings: kissing word count: 816. the one where you and sunghoon are rivals on the field, but lovers outside of it.
author's note: if this story seems familiar to you, it's likely because you came across it on my old blog (chacottone). i'm reposting it with a few changes, as my writing has evolved since its initial publication.
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Droplets of sweat gather on Sunghoon's hands that he never gets them dry, no matter how much he wipes them off; his heart occasionally finds its way to his throat and threatens to burst out, as Sunghoon hopes the butterflies in his stomach will stop dancing before he pukes them on the floor.
It is a typical scenario before an important game, especially when the rivalry goes beyond the soccer field. However, the boy believes this craving does not concern today's match.
The first day of the soccer championship begins in an hour, and the reason why Sunghoon has arrived so early has yet to appear, so he waits eagerly behind the science lab. His face gets a worried look from the possible reasons for such a long wait, but the brunette tries to keep calm, as dying of anxiety is not in his plans.
"I know. I'm sorry!" You say once you spot the boy nervously shaking his hands against the wall.
"'Holy shit, Y/N! I thought someone caught you." Sunghoon utters, loosening the breath he was holding.
"Someone did." You smother your lips, stopping in front of him, who glares at you with wide eyes. "Your teammate, Heeseung, saw me in the hallways and practically interrogated me. I suppose he thought I had an evil plan against your school. I don't know."
Sunghoon runs his hand between strands of his hair.
"But don't worry, I managed it perfectly well." You snap back, noticing his nervousness.
"What did you tell him?"
"I said I was looking for the bathroom." The smug smile that lights up your face as you say it makes Sunghoon bow one of his eyebrows. "What?" you ask.
"Is that the best you got?"
"He believed me!" You insist, but Sunghoon rolls his eyes, still hesitant. "Look, everything is under control. Don't get stressed, or I'll get stressed too, and if that happens, I'll end you in today's match."
Two furrowed lines appear between your eyebrows as you shoot Sunghoon a furious yet playful glance, eliciting a laugh from him.
"Fine." The boy leans his shoulder against the wall, not moving his eyes from you. He pulls you by the shirt until you're both near enough to feel each other's breath. "Risky dates make me nervous. I'm sorry." Sunghoon holds the tip of your chin. "But you need to stop being careless, love."
"I know..." You smile, kissing the tip of your boyfriend's nose.
"Heeseung is waiting for the perfect timing to get me out of the captain's position, you know?"
"He'll never make it, anyway." You reassure him, intertwining your arms around his torso. "You are a wonderful and tremendously hard-working captain. No one could ever replace you!"
Sunghoon cracks a smile. "A wonderful captain wouldn't date someone from the opposing team."
"Details, baby. Details." You hum against his chest. "By the way," you raise your head to glare at him. "You look ridiculous in that outfit."
"Hey!" Sunghoon nudges your shoulder lightly. "At least I'm not the one looking like a carrot in that orange uniform." He points at you.
"For your information, I picked the colors." You hit back, stepping away from him with your arms crossed. "And I'd rather be a carrot than a goofy zebra."
Sunghoon can't stand your cuteness and gently grabs you by the neck. He touches your lips tenderly, feeling peacefulness in your arms, and with no pretense of pulling away for all the days you couldn't see each other because of the hard training. The constant fear of being caught by your friends doesn't allow you to spend much time together, as the team captain should never date the defender of the rival school. That would be a scandal among the students.
The boy retreats with a silly grin on his lips. "You taste good."
"I had a huge cup of berry smoothie before I came here."
"You didn't even think to get me some?" Sunghoon purses his lips and tries to put on a sad face, even though it only makes him look ridiculous.
"I'll make one for you after the game." You roll your eyes. "You'll need it when your team loses."
"Yeah, you wish." He says, pulling you close to him again. "I'm gonna knock you out, bae."
"You are so delusional."
After leaving one last kiss on your lips, Sunghoon takes a step back. Your heart aches at the prospect of being separated from him, even if it's for a good reason. "I have to go now," he declares, "the team needs some moral support. I've heard the opposing defender is formidable."
Your boyfriend winks at you, revealing the dimple you enjoy poking at unexpected times. He leaves you standing there with a mischievous grin on your lips and your heart racing wildly.
"I knew something was off!" Heeseung exclaims, stunned by the whole scene he just witnessed.
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© woncoyo.
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amorvincitomnia-14 · 20 hours
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OKAY OKAY SO IMAGINE RAPH AND HIS S/O RIGHT? BUT BUT HIS S/O IS SECRETLY WORKING FOR THE SHREDDER:00
Do with this what you will
Wait For Your Love
notes: okay so idk if we are supposed to hate Ariana Grande or not but this song. THIS. SONG. brush it is so stunning and it immediately made me think of this request. I mean "I'll Wait For Your Love"? It practically writes itself 🤷
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Keeping such a big secret was not something you had ever wanted to do. Even less so when you betrayed the Shredder by falling in love. 
You smiled at Raph, swallowing the knot in your throat. In a matter of moments you knew Raph would never look at you with that same love in his eyes, that same look that captured your heart in a deliciously suffocating hug. 
He was going to hate you. And you knew you deserved it.
“Hey, babe.” Raph rumbled, his voice reverberating in your chest sending painful sparks throughout your body. He leaned down and brushed his lips over the top of your head, making you shiver. 
You couldn't enjoy his touch knowing what was coming. You shut your eyes wishing it could also shut out your thoughts. Raph doesn't seem to notice (thankfully) as he pulls you into his arms, resting his head on your shoulder. 
This was normal. Normal, normal, normal. A typical picture of you and Raph. The usual you are familiar with. The normal that would be no longer. 
Your phone rang and your stomach dropped. It was time for you to leave. To leave Raph. 
“I have to go.” You croaked, forcing a smile to show Raph that everything was fine. (If only he knew you were a traitor to all: to the one who saved you and to the one who loved you.) 
He grumbled and squeezed your hips for a second, he wished you could stay, before letting you go. Raph looked up at you, suspecting nothing. He would hate it if he knew how innocent you thought of him at that moment. 
“I….love you.” You whispered, voice snatched up like mist in the sky. Unable to be caught. 
“Love ya too, you weirdo.” Raph muttered, his cheeks turning an adorable pink. You wished you had appreciated his beauty more when you had it in your grasp.
This was the last time he would look at you as something worth loving, as something more than another enemy to defeat. He would hate you. 
Leaving your heart in the palm of Raph's hand, you left the lair. 
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"Get ready, [Last Name], we will be leaving." Tigerclaw ordered, pointing a claw towards the room with weapons and armor. Your first real fight. You wanted to be excited but your mind was clouded by the idea of Raph seeing you on his enemy's side.
No matter how noble your personal cause is, Raph will hate you. And that makes you feel even more monstrous inside.
You settled into getting ready, grabbing weapons you were familiar with and tying your hair up. At least, in thr midst of your inner turmoil, you looked good. (and you looked strong; a compliment Raph would give you often as though it held the highest regard.)
Complete with the necessary outfit and mask, you were finally ready to face your filthy actions headfirst. Raph wouldn't understand your reasons, he wouldn't even try. You knew this and yet-
No, just let this die. Your love with Raph is over.
Your most prevalent wish was not for your own safety or your comfort (although those had been your wishes when you originally betrayed your friends) was that Raph would be able to get over this. He acted tough but he had a soft heart.
You wouldn't want to be the one to add a crack to his shell. Raph was strong but he had emotions without knowing what to do with them. You only hoped his brothers would help him through your treacherous actions.
You could feel the Shredder's presence before you saw him. He had that sort of aura, like a true incarnation of evil. Yet you were still working for him and doing his dirty, dirty spy work. Turning to look at him, you saw him raise his hand and give a single silent command.
Go time.
Obediently you followed the Foot members, hanging your head like the shame was a physical thing weighing you down. If you tried to run away, how quickly would Foot kill you? Would you be able to run away quick enough?
With an inaudible sigh, you shushed your incessant thoughts. There was a reason you started working with the Shredder, it would be stupid to quit when you were neck deep in the lies and crimes.
Karai, daughter of Shredder, led the Foot to where you instructed them to go. They were getting ambushed and it was your fault. Feeling guilty was like being on a roller coaster and there's a loop-de-loop except it stops while you're upside down. So you're just stuck, wishing for someone to help even though you brought it on yourself by going on the ride.
"Get into formation. [Last Name], are you ready?" Karai asked, her eyes narrowed dangerously. You felt like someone dropped a hot poker down your clothes, because you quickly straightened up hoping she couldn't see inside your soul.
"Yes, I'm ready." You replied, staring dead in front of you. The turtles would come here after patrol to eat some pizza. Patrol which Raph told you always ends just about now. (You felt disgusting for using such information against Raph. He'll never trust you again.)
Karai nodded and disappeared in the shadows, like the good little ninja she was. You hid as well, fighting the rolling tides of nausea in your stomach. Finally you saw them and heard them, laughing joyously and chowing down on some pizza. Fuck, it felt like you had just been gutted like a fish.
Karai did the same hand motion as her father and the Foot started filing out to attack. You could barely breath, let alone think in this moment. You faltered before the Shredder's daughter sent you a warning look.
You decided to take on Raph, to at least let him know his partner is a lying scumbag. He deserved the truth after so many lies came from your mouth. You never lied about loving him, though you're not sure he would believe you.
You quickly snuck up towards Raph, grateful for the mask hiding your identity at least momentarily.
"Out with it! How'd ya find us?" Raph growled, getting into a fighting stance. Hearing his voice so genuinely angry made you choke on a sob. Instead of fighting, you stood straight and pulled off your mask before you could think about.
The silence after the truth was deafening. Your ears rang and your heart beat so loudly you were certain they could hear it from space.
"[Name]?" He finally whispered, his tone filled with a thousand pains. You forced away tears, needing to be the strong on right now. Raph needs to be able to get over you. (at least until you can become close to what he deserves)
You would've have whispered your apologies. But you weren't fully sorry. After all, you had your own reasons to work for the Shredder. And it was something you would do it again if needed. But you did feel sorry about the way you hurt Raph and his brothers.
"We can't be friends." You said a lot steelier than you had expected. You can't be friends but you liked to pretend someday he'll like you better.
Raph scoffed and noticed his brothers had defeated the rest of the Foot. He turned to look at you, the tiniest shred of affection visible in those brown eyes you loved so dearly.
"I can't believe you." Raph growled and started to walk away, surprising you with his lack of attempt at capturing you. He spared you one last scathing glance before following his brothers.
Carrying your words in the wind behind your ex-love you whispered, "I'll wait for your love."
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babisawyer · 10 months
Text
Ben coming back to the cabin to see yet another cannibalistic ritual
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TW: panic attack, non-graphic self harm, reckless behaviour, fear of drowning
This is like... a bit 5K of Pac and Philza actually bonding for once...
Fear claws into Pac's heart just as easily as his fingernails dig into his palms. There's nothing wrong, objectively there's nothing wrong, but he's been alone all day. It's not at all like working with Mike; he's been trying to decorate the Favela, but his breath keeps catching and his thoughts keep stopping.
He can hear the fountain beneath the warpstone, and he wants it to /stop/.
He knows anxiety now, he knows it, he knows this is what it is, and when Fit found the blood in Chume Labs and the empty graves he made him promise to call him if it happened again. It's happening now, Pac can feel it building, but there's nobody awake. He checks it again, and still it's only him.
So he does the thing he does next best. He holds his breath and he thinks of nothing and he builds. More trees, more ponds, more fountains - anything and everything he can think of. Give the Redeemer a sombrero, then think better of it half way through and take it down. Start returfing the football field, only to decide to put it back because making the goals muddy is just ugly. Hang up more banners, pull them down, add a bit to the fences, swap them for iron, then concrete.
Breathe in, breathe out, there's nothing wrong it's just anxiety.
(But it is wrong, everything is wrong, the back of his brain where Mike sits is empty, not just asleep but empty, torn away and - )
Mike's in the Order hospital, Pac reminds himself, and begins to walk that way.
( - and there are eyes at his back, ready to take him again and - )
Pac forgets to breathe. He drops to his knees in the middle of the street, and scrabbled his hands in the dirt.
Pac checks the communicator again. There's a few more people awake, but... No Fit, no Tubbo, no Mike, no Bagi or Forever... Of the handful of people, the one he knows best if Philza - and while he's happily looked after the man's children, and he's been quite happy to chat or fight together in the past... Philza Minecraft is a legend, and he's never really spoken much without Fit there as a buffer.
But the other option is staying here alone, and he promised Fit that if he started feeling like this again he'd ask someone for company.
He takes a deep breath, and sends a message.
You whisper to Ph1LzA: Can I visit?
As soon as he hits send, Pac slams it shut. He pushes it against his head, shuddering while curled up in a ball. He clings to the communicator, his link to the outside, so hard it leaves indents in his skin.
"It's okay," he whispers to himself. "It's okay, you're okay, there's nobody here to watch you."
It doesn't help; he tries it anyway.
The seconds drag on into minutes, and Pac's fears overwhelm even his attempts to comfort himself.
"You're okay, you're okay, you're safe," he promises himself, even as he claws at his knees, at his face, at his hair and at the floor - anything he can reach to force himself to remember his place.
He hums songs he loves, shuts his eyes and tries to dance along.
He slams hands over his mouth and freezes when he tries.
Too loud, too loud, they'll find you - quiet, quiet, quiet as a mouse and quieter still. Hide amongst the rats, and hope nobody spots you curled up there...
The communicator pings.
In a scramble Pac pulls the lid open, shaking fingers quickly clicking him through to the correct screen.
Ph1LzA whispers to you: sorry m8, missed the message
Ph1LzA whispers to you: still need something or you get it sorted?
What does Pac say? The loneliness is getting to him and the walls are caving in and he can feel something watching from inside his spine? That Mike is gone and he's remembering a /before/ he wants to forget, He can't say that, he really can't.
But what sounds like a normal response which might get him a conversation...
With shaking hands he types whatever comes to mind.
You whisper to Ph1LzA: I am just missing Fit
... Not that. That absolutely does not sound like a request for company.
This time Philza's reply does not take nearly as long, though still longer than anyone else Pac ever messages.
Ph1LzA whispers to you: yeah?
Ph1LzA whispers to you: you want some company? I can put down a sharestone
Pac's heart settles back into place - maybe slightly too high still, but far closer. He didn't mess it up too badly - maybe English is just like that - he didn't even have to ask again.
You whisper to Ph1LzA: please.
It's another minute or two for Pac's anxiety to build and him to cling to the communicator before he recieves a reply.
Ph1LzA whispers to you: red sharestone, name should be obvious
You whisper to Ph1LzA: obrigado
Ph1LzA whispers to you: you're good
There's definitely some emotion to reading those words; Pac pushes it aside, and grabs his warpstone. Moving to the main warpstone for the warehouse seems like too much, so he simply sends himself to spawn.
Only there does he pick himself up, activating the red sharestone. It takes a few scrolls to find the new option, but once he does it earns a small laugh. He selects it, and lets his body be pulled through space.
Where he arrives is cold, deep snow all around, and an icy ocean before him. Pac tugs his sleeves down over his hands, and looks around.
Whereever Philza is, he isn't immediately obvious.
"Philza?" he calls. "Felipe?"
There's a splash as Philza trident-jumps out of the ocean, his paraglider flipping open at the zenith and allowing him to drift safely down to the ice. Pac watches him drift down, the water dripping off him freezing as it falls.
"Hey," Philza calls, once back in voice range, arm moving as though to wave before suddenly remembering he needs to hold the paraglider. "Sorry about that; spotted another jelly and had to get it before it ran off."
Pac waves him off, "it's okay, it's okay, do you need any help?"
Philza squints at Pac a moment, and Pac squirms beneath it. After a moment, though, he just shrugs, "just hunting for rainbow jelly."
"Rainbow jelly?"
"Like the French use to make themselves all rainbow," Philza grins a bit. "You can use it to make glass like that, too. Chayanne wanted some, so..."
Pac thinks of the children, hurting and asleep and under the Federation's "care", the only guarantees of their safety the ability to visit, and the knowledge the Federation knows what is coming if harm comes for their children.
"For Chayanne?" He asks. "I'll help."
"Feel free to hang onto it - if you don't use it, he'll appreciate the gift when he wakes up."
When, not if, even if Pac can see Philza hesitates too.
With that confidence and the thought of their children, Pac doesn't even consider before throwing himself into the water. Behind him he hears the somewhat distorted sound of Philza laughing, and the man throwing himself in after.
Pac spots a couple of the comb jellies, and kicks off towards them. Philza seems to see another group, as he takes another route.
Hunting animals for their innards is one of the few times that sweeping edge is worth it on this island, and so Pac takes out his sword. It only takes a hit to take out the jellies, small as they are, and then Pac just has to scoop up their remains. From there he spots another - deeper - and swims after it. And another, and another - Pac loses himself to the chore, simply collecting jelly for the happiness of a child.
He thinks he's finally calmed down, when he spots another in a cave. Pac doesn't even think about it as he dives in after - but very quickly, it gets very dark.
Too dark.
He tries to ignore it, to push through and find the jelly even as memories start to loom and the dark closes in.
Breathe in, breathe out, remind yourself your helmet is in place and with that much Aqua Affinity you're fine.
It's not the underwater prison again, it's not, it's not.
Just find the jelly and get out...
On instinct he reaches out for Mike, and finds nothing.
Nothing.
Mike? What happened to Mike?
The most frustrating thing is always that he knows, he remembers, but in the dark and the wet and the unnatural silence it doesn't matter. His breathing picks up, and he twists and he turns, looking - screaming - for Mike.
Rationally, he knows he's lightheaded because hes hyperventilating. But in his heart, in his fear, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it doesn't change anything because he's alone in the wet and the dark and he /can't do this anyone/.
He wants Mike, he wants Mike, he wants Fit and he wants Mike.
Where is Mike, why can't he reach him, where is he where is he why can't he feel him in his mind?!
He's screaming for them, he thinks, even as tears stream down his face and he twists in the water. By now he's helplessly lost, not even able to find the exit he cane in by. Whatever light there was is gone, and he doesn't even quite remember why he's here.
He twists and he fights, trying to fend off hands that aren't there - only to get his leg twisted up in the seaweed and somehow everything is even worse and worse and worse. He tugs and tugs, but the seaweed grasps tighter - he sees dark prison walls overlaying dark, broken caves, and he sobs as he realises he is going to die here.
He screams again and wonders how he still has air; something responds this time, and he begs it for bitter, screaming help.
A small light he cannot focus on, and hands find their way to his leg. In a panic he twists, kicks, fights - nothing, nothing, nothing can touch him - it's worse than the seaweed, to be grabbed by a hand.
"Shit, Pac," a familiar voice calls, an odd quality to it. "Fuck, I'm just cutting you out, Jesus mate no need to break my nose."
The words don't make sense, not entirely, but seconds later Pac finds his leg free - still entangled, but the seaweed cut from the floor, and he does his best to swim away.
Right from the seaweed and slamming into the cave wall.
Hands grab him again, and say something, and he fights them all the same. Seconds later he's being dragged and pulled and - oh, god, this is how he's going to die.
He goes to fight before remembering, actually, dieing might not be so bad actually... At worst he'll respawns, at best he'll be with Mike again.
It's just as that thought crosses his mind that his head breaks the surface of the ocean. Pac gasps for air and, by the time he's processed that, he's being hoisted and yanked up onto the ice.
He's frozen, he's freezing, but he shakes off the worst of the water and shudders as sunlight presses into his skin.
He's crying - sobbing even - on his hands and his knees, blind terror all about him as he struggles to breathe.
"Aw, mate, you could have said no if it was gonna fuck you up."
There's someone else here; Pac's eyes glance around, only to find Philza there. He can't tell if the man is a friend or a foe or just an acquaintance to be embarrassed around, but the man shrugs off his bag and opens his arms in a familiar gesture.
Pac falls into them, and hides. A hand finds his hair, and another his back, and something very dark curls around to protect him from icy wind. He does not cling back, just cries to the sound of slightly awkward comfort, sucking it in.
"You're okay," the words sound so much more believable coming from someone else. "You got out, I've got you, you're safe, you're okay."
The words are whispered into his skin, and they're not quite a balm but they are a promise and a kindness none the less; he is promised safety, and he knows the man around him can provide.
He just... Did not expect that provision to include himself, only friends of friends as they are.
Pac breathes, and it comes easier now - the air is cold, but between the darkness and Philza's chest he is safe. Slowly, slowly, as he remembers what limbs are Pac reaches out a shaking hand to the void.
It finds feathers; the darkness tenses, and then relaxes to his touch.
Pac, in turn, relaxes with it.
"You good?" Philza eventually asks from above.
"Sim," Pac replies, gathering himself a little more, hiding himself in a laugh. "Sorry, sorry, that was embarrassing."
"We've all been there mate," Fit's friend says.
The wings peel away, and Pac can see them properly - tattered edges and all. Sees how they droop, and the strain in Philza's shoulders as he uses his hands to fold them, and his backpack to keep them in pace.
"Shall we get somewhere warmer?" he asks, before Pac can comment. "I've got a treasure map to somewhere near that mesa you and Fit showed me, if you've still got the warp?"
"Are you sure?" Pac's hands shake as he checks his things.
"Eh, I'm pretty sure it's an iron dungeon," Philza replies, pulling out a map and squinting at it. "I was saving it to troll Etoiles with, but I could actually do with more iron. And someone to deal with mobs while I mine it. You, me, and some skellies - sound good?"
Pac isn't sure; he doesn't want to think, though, he does know that. Dungeons are supposed to be his and Fit's /thing/, one half the time someone intrudes on. The offer almost feels insulting, but...
But when Philza felt bad, they offered him a dungeon - he so clearly means to offer the same. Like for like, not pity but a trade.
"I want the tracks and redstone," Pac tries to sound steady, and knows he fails. "I'll save it for Mike when he returns."
"Sure, I don't even know where to start with that shit," Philza takes Pac's hand, and leads him along a safe route over the ice. "If we go back to that haunted rock area, then glide back towards the mesa? I should be able to find us on the map from there."
Pac nods, placing his hand on the warpstone in advance. Philza's joins it, and together they warp away.
---
Thankfully it is dawn, and any monsters are gone this time - there's just the beautiful sunrise over the haunted sea. The sun is rising, not setting, but Pac waves to it anyway and hopes that, somewhere, Bobby can see.
Philza makes half a laugh as he finds his glider. Pac searches for his own, and tries not to remember the night on the cliff - him and Fit, him and Fit, but also Philza, laughing about cannons and resting in one another's arms, only for Philza to pull away first and let him and Fit be.
Pac instead thinks about friendship, and how Fit would abandon everything for Philza just as Pac would give it up for Mike, and how it seems that isn't limited to just them. Because Philza didn't send him home, just as Fit also kept close to an oddly behaving Mike. How it doesn't really matter, because in the end they both agree with where the other stands.
Pac instead thinks of nothing, and throws himself off a cliff after Philza.
For one glorious second he lets himself fall, before pulling out his own paraglider and following Philza down.
He lands on Philza's boat, and they drive it back to the mesa. It's filled with the sort of talk that means nothing, and with Philza humming tunes to the air. For a man who claims to be musically dead, he manages it well.
It's also noise, white noise to blur the absence in his mind.
"Here we are," Philza gets out first, and offers Pac a hand out. "We should be pretty close. These things are a bit of a nightmare to find, being underground, but I'm sure we'll manage."
To his surprise, Pac is passed the map while Philza puts away the boat. He has to turn it around to orientate himself, but once he has Philza gestures for him to lead the way. Philza puts himself on Pac's left - the side he holds the map, whilst his other has his scythe, shield turned out against the wild.
Pac tries to think of something to say, and what comes out is, "so did you go looking for a big cannon, or did you just stumble into it?"
The comment draws startled laughter from his companion as they walk, having to stop a moment to let him gather himself. "We knew we were going to see one, but we're exactly looking. You find them all over the coast in the UK, and I think some along the Thames too? A lot have been removed, but we like our old crap, so a couple of the old forts are still open."
"So you're saying you come from a land of many large cannons."
"Yes, Pac," Philza laughs again. "Yes, I do; don't you?"
"We have other large things instead," Pac tries to smile, but he knows it looks off. "Like diamonds."
"Diamonds?"
Pac can see Philza looking for the sex joke, and suddenly realises he doesn't actually want to explain what he meant. So instead he says, "quality over size. Even a big diamond is small."
That draws more laughter, "yeah okay mate; Fit's a lucky boy then."
That almost has Pac dropping the map he's holding as he chokes. Philza grabs him, holds him steady, gives him something to cling to with Mike and Fit and Richarlyson and Walter Bob all gone. Something there, some support, something to stop him choking on himself.
"Too much?" Philza's voice is gentler this time.
Pac nods, hiding his blush in his hands even as he leans on Philza.
"Alright," Philza says, handing him a bottle. "Drink some water, king, and we'll get this dungeon cleared. And no more dick jokes until Fit's also here to suffer. Maybe we could even come up with some new ones, just to tease him next time we all meet up."
Pac takes the bottle, hiding in his hood as he does as he's told. Philza takes the map and they continue to walk as he sips at it, hiding himself and his face in the bottle. Philza makes sure to stay in sight, keeping idle commentry going.
At this point, Pac is reasonably sure Philza knows something continues to be wrong - but then so did Fit and Pac when Philza had that strange... Maybe hallucination? Fit says it probably wasn't, and Pac trusts Fit, but whatever it was it was unsettling and strange.
Philza seems fine now, though; maybe one day Pac will be fine too.
It is about ten or fifteen minutes walk to the dungeon. There's nothing on the surface to mark it, just Philza squinting at the map, and passing it to Pac to check.
Once they agree, they dig; Philza calls 'race you!' and begins a staircase.
Pac lives for adrenaline; he starts digging straight down.
Somehow he doesn't hit lava.
He does end up falling from the top of the dungeon into a crevasse, fails to find either a water bucket or his paraglider, and breaks his leg. It's terrifying, and he's alone as he sees his death message flash up in chat but - maybe - it's okay. There's Aypierre laughing and Baghera offering help, and Philza on his black paraglider swooping in from the ceiling to assist.
"You good?" Philza asks as he pours a potion out over the wounds, his eyes almost glowing in the low light as Pac's bones knit together.
Pac leans forwards to check his prosthetic while his body heals, twitching only a little with the pain. The fall knocked a few screws loose and bent some of the metal out of shape, but it's an easy enough fix with a hammer and screwdriver. He'll check it over properly later, or maybe swap it for his spare until he has energy for it, but it'll hold for the day.
"All good," Pac confirms, as he pulls his jeans back down.
He can see Philza side-eyeing the prosthetic, and shifts; the man says nothing, however, just helps Pac up and types out an 'all good we're just dungeoning' to calm the global chat.
And then he looks at his map.
"You've got us near a corner," Philza turns his communicator to show Pac. "If we just start here and work around to the left, we shouldn't miss anything."
Pac nods, and pulls out his grapple. Together they pull themselves up and onto the ledge, and the dungeon begins.
It starts simple - Philza takes out a spawner, while Pac works on the skeletons, then they swap so Pac can loot the minetracks. Trading the mobs on and off, Pac cannot help but notice how Philza even when on mob duty prioritises looting, catching the attention of a swamp of skeletons and sending them on a chase over barrels as he smashes them open and grabs the contents. Only when he can carry no more does he start fighting, laughing as he does.
It's a nice laugh, that one.
He laughs too when Pac fights, hacking away at the iron blocks he claims to want. With every other hit there is a call of "good hit!" "nice one!" "you're doing good, Pac!", and Pac can feel himself starting to grin as well.
Together they dance in a dungeon much easier than the one Phil joined Pac and Fit for, able to let loose without worrying for the giant magma cube around the corner. They keep an eye on each other, and watch their backs, and Fit's deep voice is so clearly missing between them without feeling like a void.
By the time it is finished, they are both laughing, bone-dust covering their clothes and their tools and the world in their hands. Philza gives Pac some of the iron, and they take his staircase - not Pac's hole - out.
They don't talk about what comes next, but neither of them reach for their warpstones. Instead Pac picks a direction and walks. Philza follows.
They find a hill a little way out, surrounded by flower fields but empty of them itself. Philza lights it up with his slingshot, despite it still being around midday, and Pac makes hot chocolate for them both. Pulls out chairs, too - blue and green - and places a coffee table between them.
He sits on the blue and Philza looks at the green and says, "are you sure I'm okay to sit there? I don't wanna intrude."
Pac looks at the chair - it was just habit, just what he carries - and curls up his toes. "It's fine," he can hear the sadness in his own voice. "Mike isn't here, he wouldn't mind."
"Do you mind?"
"I got it out for you."
"Alright, king," Philza finally takes the seat and the hot chocolate, leaning back into the cushions. After a bit he adds, "these are good chairs. Maybe I should invest in something better than mine."
"They're not expensive," Pac replies. "And they're comfy! I have one instead of a bed."
He wonders if he should have admitted that - he knows people worry - but in the crash of the panic attack and the fighting it's hard to keep his mouth shut.
Philza just laughs though, "yeah? I've been using one of those wooden ones. You know? Basic ones, just in a fancy wood."
"How do you not have splinters?!"
"I'm good with my hands - what else can I say?"
They both laugh at that one, a joke which actually lands. There's something comfortable and comforting about it. The laughter drifts into giggles, drifts into sips of hot chocolate - quiet and together. Pac makes a point of not watching as Philza gets himself comfortable, untangling his wings and stretching them... Not to full width, but wide.
It's only when one brushes his arm that Pac dares to ask "what happened?"
"Hm?" Philza looks up.
"To your wings?"
"Feds fucked them up when I arrived," Philza says it like its nothing, but there's bitter pain in his words. "By purgatory they'd healed up just enough to fly, but then carrying Tubbo through meteor strikes and radiation... I can't regret it, I /won't/ regret it, but they're fucked again. I can hold them up so it seems better, but they hurt worse than before."
Pac wants to say he's sorry, but he doesn't think it would be appreciated. Instead he says "thank you for saving Tubbo."
"I couldn't just leave him," Philza says. "He's my friend too, you know?"
"I know," Pac fiddles with his cup. "You're a good man, Felipe Minecraft. I'm not sure I'd do it."
"I think you would," Philza says, with more faith in Pac than he's ever had in himself. "If it came to it. You're also a good man, Pac - if you weren't, I wouldn't let you have Fit."
It's an admission neither of them acknowledge. Instead Pac flops, exhausted, against his chair. "I'd do it for Mike. I miss him."
"I can't imagine," Philza's wings stretch a little further, stroking against Pac's cheek. "But, I'm sure he'll heal. And once he does hold him close, okay? Because you never know when you'll loose him."
It's obvious, of course Pac will try to, but there's pain in Philza's voice, and Pac thinks of a memorial on a wall and a child living in the footsteps of a ghost, and maybe Philza can imagine better than he thinks he can.
Or maybe Philza means he can't imagine, because he knows.
"Did you love him?" Pac asks instead.
"He was my best friend."
Philza's voice breaks on the word, and Pac knows both that he has to stop, and that Philza knows just what it is Pac fears. Even if he calls it different, even if they didn't share one mind... Pac should not have asked.
"I'm sorry."
"You did nothing wrong; it hurts, but in hurting I remember him, you know?"
There's a long silence, in which Pac tries to know what to say, and Philza stares absently at soft clouds on the horizon. Even in Portuguese he would struggle, and Philza is certainly not looking to his translator.
Maybe Philza and Fit are not as Pac and Mike; Philza has already lost his Mike. Or, perhaps, both are true, and even if Pac looses his best friend, someone will be there to keep him whole.
It's a nice fantasy; he knows Philza's wound bleeds open even now.
"I have never been without Mike before this island," Pac eventually admits. "At least... I was seven when we met, he was five. I've heard his thoughts since I was ten, and the first time he ever fell silent was when I was put in that water prison."
"Shit," Philza closes his eyes as he swears, leaning back. "Earlier, with the water... You should have said something, Pac, I wouldn't have judged you. Fuck knows there's shit I can't do anymore."
"I didn't know it'd be that bad," Pac hesitates after those words. "It hasn't been before. Today is just... bad? I already felt bad."
"And you came to me for company, and I made it worse," Philza says. "I am so, so sorry mate - I didn't mean to, I just- It was for Chayanne."
"It was still better than being alone," Pac replies. "The second time our connection broke was when he was taken - I haven't heard him since. Even asleep, even unconscious, even when I was in a coma... We could still feel each other. Not now. It's lonely no, and it's been so long..."
"Pac..." Philza's voice catches. "You shouldn't have to make those choices... You shouldn't have to put up with my whims just not to be alone, mate, you should have just said; we could have gone to the dungeon, or the favela, worked on the train tracks... You didn't have to swim."
"Fit is gone, Mike is gone, Richas is gone," Pac twists his hands. "You were helping me. I wanted to help you - I wanted to do something for Chayanne too! He is a good egg."
"He is," Philza smiles softly, taking the distraction for what it is. "The best. But, king, are you going to be okay?"
"When am I not?" Pac asks, as he thinks of happy pills and his own blood trailing the floors of Chume Labs.
Philza gives him a distinctly unimpressed expression and, yeah, fair, "I'm serious, Pac; I don't have plans today if you just wanna chill somewhere. Here, my place, your place, the Favela... if the karaoke's working, we could steal a room? Hell, we can just keep heading outwards and find some more dungeons if you fancy violence instead."
"... Are you sure?"
"We're friends, aren't we?" Philza asks. "We don't get to hang out as often as we should - if you'd rather get some rest, I won't stop you. Just thought I'd offer."
"Karaoke then?" Pac suggests, if only for some structure to keep the anxiety from seeping back in.
"Sure. No promises I won't fall asleep on the couch, though."
Pac laughs. It is weaker, but it is more real. "No promises, no promises here either."
In time they do, of course, fall asleep on the couch - and that is where Fit will find them in the morning.
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averlym · 6 months
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,,, little lemmings in line...
#adamandi#needed this. idk. shameless fluff. i. sjdhdjfhfhfhfhf viewing this doodle just makes me happy ok#something silly. i feel like lately i've been a lot more earnest on this blog and it's nice!!#the imagery that the lyrics evoke.... goes so hard actually. consider this maybe an outtake of the last 'where can i run' thingy#yes i get the whole lemmings off a cliff thing but also i think taking it at face value would be cute therefore this#since basically they refer to the rest of the students as lemmings.. he's human in this one i guess.#quincent thoughts. many many. but also i have been maybe avoiding engaging with quincy on a more intense level? until i am in a better#mental state to do so. because the whole academic perfection and self harm is a Thing i would like to engage with Properly without spirals#yay on me for being healthy about media! not normal and never normal. but healthy is good i guess#... hm. family is being iffy lately because you're supposed to have good acads And not stressed but i refuse to feel guilty anymore.#after this period i'll go bonkers over him and in the meantime unfortunately they won't feature as much in the content.. :<#anyways. fun fact about lemmings is that it's not necessarily a derogatory blindly leaping to deaths thing when it comes to the actual ones#like that's the phrasing and connotation right. but apparently it's more of they leap off cliff into water below or smth to migrate and onl#the rare few die (skill issue??um) and apparently the whole association was propagated by some documentary wildlife drama thing that kind o#.... hastened the chasing of the poor things off the cliff and filmed it. a bit messed up. and like i guess what a nice metaphor for the#academic context here? or a different one at least. where only a few die so they keep doing it but also for the Average lemming following#following the system is not inherently bad.. maybe i'm projecting.#anyways peep the tiny character shorthands now.. ambrose has the jacket/ bea has the hat and gloves with strings: portia has the bow on hea#quincy has the bowtie and glasses /(beatrix also has glasses. i forgot about those until i was drawing quincy's.)#'avvy why are they standing up' you ask? because four legs looked weird with ambrose's jacket. 'why did you give lemmings glasses?' ummmmm#i guess recognisability? don't look too much into it#outtakes of this include vincent standing in a circle of lemmings. it's badly drawn and frankly hilarious because they're all tiny and#below the knee.#'avvy these don't look like realistic lemmings' you are very right. i am sorry. i looked for a crowd of lemmings on google images and all i#found were political cartoons... i Can draw animals technically i swear#anyways! emotional support adamandi doodle out. going to start work now!#oh i forgot to tag the characters... hm... i guess i'll leave out the lemmings..#?#vincent aurelius lin#.
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lord-squiggletits · 7 months
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I need to reread the comics again to have specific arguments/evidence for this, but like
I feel a bit like I could've been sympathetic to the way other Cybertronian colonies view Cybertron, if it weren't for the fact that at least several of them (as in, ones that get notable dialogue/screen time) are so low-key self-righteous?
Like, idk... there's a lot of criticism of Cybertronians because they're so "warlike" and how their obsession with violence and vengeance is just dragging the whole galaxy down with them, but uh. The Autobot-Decepticon war was basically a product of societal ills bubbling over for like 6 million years beforehand and then finally boiling over into a 4 million year war that lasted as long as it did because the people involved had immense social/psychological trauma from being "raised" in an oppressive society.
So when the colonists come in being all 'omg you people are so violent and uncivilized why don't you just like, stop fighting' it kind of pissed me off a little bit as a reader/person like. Idk the colonists really came into this society of people full of massive amounts of trauma where even before the war society was super oppressive and no one has any experience of living "normal" lives unaffected by violence and bigotry. And the colonists were like "ummm wow why don't you guys just??? stop fighting???." Like idk it wasn't EVERY SINGLE MOMENT, in fact I think that when it was played for laughs it's quite a funny "fridge horror" type element. It was just annoying because like.... IDK???? It's just really annoying to watch a bunch of people who lived relatively sheltered lives on their own planets come to a different planet full of traumatized people and be like "omg why are you people so fucked up" IDK BRO MAYBE BECAUSE THEIR SOCIETY WAS OPPRESSIVE AND THEY LIVED THROUGH A LIFELONG WAR???
It also doesn't help that the colonies were literally founded based on imperialism and conquest so like, it's fucking rich to hear colonists scolding Cybertronians for their violence ruining the whole galaxy while literally sitting on planets that their Primes colonized from others. The hypocrisy of this is briefly mentioned in Unicron (literally the FINAL STORY OF THE SERIES) but like, that's basically the only time Cybertronian characters are given a reprieve of sympathy from other characters in universe and it's so tiresome.
I've talked to other people who didn't like the colonists and thought they basically (narratively speaking) existed just to shit on the existing characters, and it's actually really easy for me to sympathize with/outright agree with that assessment of the story considering how much of exRID/OP seems to be preoccupied with "Cybertron/the Primes/Optimus sucks" with very few reprieves for anything positive happening and even fewer chances for characters to get to explain themselves and experience a little bit of justice? Like, as the audience, it's just very frustrating to see the characters you spent hundreds of issues keeping up with get shit on by a bunch of "literally-who"s and then not really get a chance to ever defend themselves, either by literally defending themselves in conversation or having some sort of narrative thing happening that vindicates them at least symbolically
#squiggposting#paused work to muse about this which i prolly shouldn't have lol#oh well i'll still get stuff done#like idk an example of this is how pyra criticized OP for using religion to manipulate people#(lets just ignore how she said she would teach OP but never actually did)#but in the story there's never any sort of confrontation where pyra learns about history or talks with OP#and OP gets to be like. yeah on my planet primes fucking sucked and i'm the only one trying to redeem their image#also ive been fighting an endless war that lasted 4 mil years in which me being a shining figurehead was basically#the sole motivating force keeping my army from just collectively succumbing to endless despair#and i also had to use this shining figurehead image i had to keep the opposing army from genociding a bunch of organics#like not once does OP get to express his side of things he's basically just shit upon endlessly by other characters as he keeps doing plot#i feel like i had another example but i can't recall who/what was involved lmao#like idk it's not just that barber's writing is depressing and dark and edgy. i LIKE stories that do that kind of thing#it's just that it feels a bit as if the story is ENDLESSLY depressing and dark and edgy with almost no reprieve#as if it's mostly presenting the flaws of the characters with no chance for them to justify or redeem themselves#idk i feel like there was another better point/example i was gonna make but i can't remember it#like idk i guess a dark depressing story would've been better if the characters at least got to defend themselves#bc as is it basically feels like they (esp OP) get shit on endlessly and never once get to express anything about it#so like. they get shit on in universe. but also as the reader since there's never a contradicting viewpoint or the character defending them#it's as if you're supposed to take this one-sided criticism of them at face value and it just doesn't seem fair AS THE READER#if i read about OP getting shit on by some people and defended by others and also him expressing his opinion on himself#then that just feels like a normal fair narrative where i get to take sides#but if it's just OP being shit on and he hardly expresses much about it#then it feels like i as the reader am expected to agree with the portrayal being shown?#but in reality the portrayal just feels negative and unfair and one sided to me#and why the fuck do i want to read a story that's just the characters i know and like on an endless shame parade#also shout out to 'literally who' aka slide calling OP 'literally fascist' lmao#one of the most cringe moments of the entire comic. wait no. i can think of a more cringe Slide Moment#when unicron is about to destroy the planet and trypticon is getting shot and dying(?) in the background#and the story decides to pause and focus on Slide so she can monologue about how evil and tyrannical OP is
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definitelynotnia · 12 days
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im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed
my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.
and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.
anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,
I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me
im going by metro which is quite safe
im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18
she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)
anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm
so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?
anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".
and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.
#in our house kids dont stay outside past 6:30pm'' but now all of a sudden its fine for my brother to play#till 10:30 at night#she literally stopped me permanently from going down in the evenings since i was in class 7-8#this is why ive never had any friends outside of school bcz she wouldnt let me leave ths fucking house#and now that my brother is in class 7#he's allowed to be out playing with his friends till 10 freaking 30#he comes home an hour late sometimes...45 minutes and almost always at least 30 minutes late at NIGHT and she says nothing except like#one sentence#yeah im only the villain i only keep u locke#up in the house its all my fault#this is just so damn unfair#like literally insulting#im not a child what is her problem#what sort of fucking solution is 'never leave the hostel' like ok even if i do that what happens then??? after i graduate?#i'll be a 24 year old who doesnt know shit about going from one place to another without a man present]#and then this woman preaches how she 'always raises her son and daughter equally' like srsly shut the fuck up#my whole life i've been told abar late?''#and for me bcz i would come home 5-10 minutes late nd i did it maybe once or twice she made me completely stop going down to play#5-10 minutes late from 6:30 wherein he comes an hour late from 9 fucking 30#and this sounds so stupid bcz im an 18 year old now and i dont give a fuck abt how long i got to play but its just unfair dude#with me it was always smthn or the other either exams or she gets miraculously sick every time i want to go out to play#im not even kidding she did a whole “i have fever and ur going to leave me like this and go play?” on me one time bcz i was adamant abt goi#after months of not being able to go bcz of exam or smthn or the other#she did not have any fever it was fucking bullshit#and how am i supposed to help with ur imaginary fever anyway im literally 12#its so fucking annoying man and then if i say anything at all she'll go on a tirade about how#like YOU DO THOUGH??????? im sorry ur feelings are hurt bcz i said you do smthn that u LITERALLY DO#istg not even 2 days ago she was having a fight with my dad abt how he should teach my brother to learn how to cycle so that he can go buy#groceries#i can cycle
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louistonehill · 6 months
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It has been a while since I've written any fic, but I'm happy to say I'm actually writing again
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carnivalcarrion · 9 months
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sat down to think about the Light's Out au and actually. yk. plan it out since i have Affection for it and Interest in it. and then my brain went "what about the aftermath though. why don't we meticulously plan that out" I'VE BEEN TYPING IN THIS DOCUMENT FOR FIVE HOURS straight GAY
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