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riizebabie444 · 4 months

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𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙛𝙞𝙧𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚 (18+ reading) 💋

ʚɞ ─── hello and welcome to my reading which will tell you how your first time will be. this is an 18+ reading so please only read if you are over the age of 18.

ʚɞ ─── this is specifically for those who have not had any sexual encounters yet (aka the virgins <3) but this reading is open to any interpretation, such as your first time with your future spouse. but please keep in mind who this pac is meant for as it may not resonate otherwise.

ʚɞ ─── be sure to check out my other readings and don’t forget to share and give feedback. disclaimer: all readings done are for entertainment only. please do not use my tarot readings as a replacement for legitimate advice.

ʚɞ ─── picking your pile: take a deep breath and allow your soul to centre itself. when you feel your mind balanced and cleared, allow yourself to be drawn to an image. your eyes may gravitate to one, or you may close your eyes and feel which image is calling out.

ʚɞ ─── masterlist. paid readings. exchange rules.

donations. games/events. feedback.

𝙥𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝙤𝙣𝙚 💋

cards drawn: the moon, the stars, king of wands, five of wands

i definitely see this being really sweet and dreamy. i am certain this will take place at night when the moon and the stars will be out. it might happen after a romantic night of stargazing and for a small number of you, it could actually be done out in the open under the night sky. for the persons reading this, i get the feminine energy from you and your partner will be the masculine (but please switch if you feel the need to) and it really feels like this masculine will take good care of you.

the way he is treating you, caring for you, attending to every detail, it will make you feel so relaxed and almost force you into a strong feminine energy. you will feel so soft and gentle and relaxed, ready to take in all of the care and affection. i see some of you may have been going through a difficult time, or have not been used to receiving this kind of attention. so it will be a new feeling for you, almost a shock to the system but you will embrace it well.

i also see for some that you may not go all the way but it will be your first time doing anything sexual. your person will surprise you by not letting you lift a finger. say if he eats you out or fingers you and you want to repay him after you've come to your senses again, he won't allow it (in a good way). he would rather you take a nap or snuggle up and watch a movie because he knows this first for you is so precious. it could also be that he pushed your limits a little bit, or maybe from reading your reactions he thinks you came really hard and he understands how tiring it can be for your first time. so he wants you to rest.

i definitely see oral. your person will go down on you. for those who will go all the way, oral as foreplay but i also see the mistake of going straight in. and it might be difficult getting it in for the first time if you get my drift. it might feel a little frustrating and anxiety-inducing, even painful when it's going inside of you. and i think at this point you will take the lead and be vocal about the things you are feeling so that you can both work together to make it as painless as possible. oh i think for pile one, if your person is a guy, it is possible he will have a big ding-dong and that is why it is more tricky and painful than you expected. but still, he is so respectful and attentive making it the best possible experience for you.

i honestly see pile one that you may even finish early or stop because of discomfort, for those who intended to go all the way. a number of you may have a really good time and finish perfectly. but i see clearly that it won't end up going all the way. you might stop because of the pain and decide to try again another time (it will be soon tho. like anywhere from the next day to the next week. i don't think any later than a week after). more than anything, it will be a learning experience and you will both spend the time between the attempts to figure out how to make it work more positively.

but the thing is, even if you finish early, it won't be a bad thing. you or they might feel a bit insecure about not being able to fulfil expectations but at the same time, this didn't happen without an emotional connection between the two of you so you understand and respect the decision, and cuddle with each other, either continue with foreplay or go straight to aftercare, take a bubble bath and possible even discuss the situation and how to handle it better. and i see you guys being confident again after you have discussed it. and if you don't go all the way, i see them trying harder and more often to make you feel good in other ways, like with oral, to satisfy you without having sex. this feels like a good pile, pile ones. even if there are mishaps, it will still end really well.

𝙥𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙬𝙤 💋

cards drawn: king of cups, ace of wands, death, the world

oh definitely the creation of a strong bond here, deepening something that was already there or possibly awakening the deep connection. i see you and your person being so patient with each other. you will get an emotional rise out of this, possibly more than the physical. i'm going to sound so crude saying this but i can't think of a better way to say this but with the ace of wands, it is literally a glowing hand wrapped around a stick...well, whoever has the stick will think the one working on it is doing some sort of magic with their hand. it feels so unreal to them, or it could be you. i'm certain for most that your first time will be hand stuff or will start that way. and could possibly move onto oral but i don't see that for all of you.

okay i'm thinking you guys who chose pile two are the one with the magic hand. it looks like your first time doing anything sexual, but you will make the first move. if this doesn't sound like you, i understand. but i also believe you will be so excited and surprise yourself with how motivated you are to do it. you were thinking about it for a long time and your person couldn't say no. i see for some of you it could be a "kinky lesson" kind of thing, where the person is teaching you how to do it. even showing you with their own hands. if your person is a woman, i see them using their hands to spread their flower open and you will literally gulp omg. it feels very sensual but also playful and kinky. you will both enjoy and feel turned on by the "lesson" scenario. even if you already know what you're doing, the idea that they are teaching you or vice versa is a big turn on especially because it's your first time. it will also ease your worries about not doing it well.

so the above was more focused on your first sexual experience altogether but i'm going to now focus on your first time having sex. it will be a life changing thing and i don't mean the sex will be so good it changes the trajectory of your life (i mean it will...but anyway) but i mean it will happen as you are entering a new chapter. for example, committing to your person. it could be marriage for some but for most i think it could be before marriage. or if you decide this person is your forever person, so you're entering a new phase of your life where everything doesn't just revolve around you anymore and you need to always consider your person. you could be moving in with them. it will feel like a big change. even a new job, new home, new city. you are transforming in some or every way when this happens. oh i got a message that for some of you, if you plan to wait for marriage, you may decide at that time to do it before marriage. you will surprise yourself with this decision but you will be happy with your decision, i'm seeing.

haha the death card could literally mean you feeling like you died and came back to life when climaxing. like it feels so good you literally leave this world. i see you really letting go. perhaps you were feeling so nervous leading up to this, and when it happened you surprised yourself with how loose and into it you were. it could also be letting go of expectations surrounding sex. perhaps you think about sex a lot, or read or watch it often so you have certain thoughts and expectations about sex. but when you finally experience it, you will realise sex doesn't have a frame of reference. you'll think it's such a wild and unique experience both emotionally and physically that you can't even compare it to anything you previously thought.

for the most part, it will be enjoyable. tricky at first for some but in the end, enjoyable. some of you may find it so incredible while others may feel a little underwhelmed, but will still think it was really good. i see also that some of you may have been expecting your person to be better at sex than how they performed. maybe it's because it's your first time so they're holding back, or they are just not as good as you thought rip. but i'm getting the message that the first time is not supposed to be the best time. the best sex comes with experience and comfort so maybe your expectations for your first time were quite high. i do see most of you reaching an orgasm. for some it will be insanely amazing whilst others may be expecting more. i feel like it's a mixed pile here i do apologise for not being clearer.

oh i do get the message also for those of you who are physically underwhelmed, fret not because as i said when i opened this pile's reading, your first time is more about deepening an emotional and sacred bond with your partner rather than having an out of this world physical experience. you will absolutely cherish the time with your partner. aah you will definitely have that afterglow. feeling so whole and wholesome, fulfilled, completed after sharing yourself with a special person. there is the theme of transformation coming up again. your first time will be a spiritual and emotional journey, achieving emotional fulfilment with your partner and the joy you feel physically will only make the emotions stronger.

𝙥𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙚𝙚 💋

cards drawn: three of pentacles rv, the hermit, king of pentacles rv, queen of wands

i also saw the hanged man and four of wands whilst shuffling and although they did not come out, i feel it is relevant to say that the majority of you who chose pile three will have your first time on your wedding night. if you are saving yourself for marriage, then this is your confirmation. it will happen in a number of ways: for most of you, on your wedding night and for some it could happen coming up to the wedding (i'm seeing some could spontaneously elope prior to the wedding and have your first time then), or it could be any time after they have proposed as you are certain you will be married and are too excited to wait. but for most it will be the wedding night.

i also see that some will perform non-sex sexual acts before marriage, like foreplay, oral, with hands etc. but when you go all the way, it will be on the wedding night. you may be feeling some disharmony in a way but not with your person. you may have had a stressful wedding day or some family members weren't treating you right on your special day, perhaps some friend drama. whatever it may be, you will be feeling a little disheartened. you wanted this day to be so perfect and special but someone you love and trust ruined it for you. but don't worry, the whole day won't be ruined. and your person will do their best to help you think about the better things. and i believe there will be a support circle around you, those who will defend you and try to make your day as best as it can be. even if it is not something like a wedding day, i think people will notice the way you are mistreated and try to make you smile.

no one will try harder than your person, however. i think you can really just let down your walls and be yourself with your person and they noticed you were having your walls up due to the stress and disharmony caused earlier. so when you guys are alone at last, it will feel like there is an elephant in the room but neither of you are addressing it. they would rather you just relax and forget about everything, truly appreciating your first time and not allowing any drama from the outside world to ruin your night. oh, let me tell you, they will make you forget it completely! this feels like a soul connection, when you do it for the first time you it will be like a dance between the souls more than the bodies haha. i believe it will also make you connect with yourself. all the new feelings, sensations are weird yet enticing. it's like you passing the first level of a game and simultaneously unlocking the next hundred levels at once. you know you should take it in small steps but it will unleash so much excitement to explore your body and sexual experiences with your person to the highest level. you may even rush your partner but they will tell you to slow down as they want you both to cherish it.

and you will definitely want to do it nonstop after your first time. like the morning after, the evening after, several times a day for the next five months straight haha im really just seeing so much passion and excitement and curiosity surrounding sex, and it all stems from that first night. okay let me get to the actual night itself, your person is going to make you feel like you're sitting on a throne. heck, they might even make you sit on their face because they want to be your throne. i do see foreplay happening, taking it slow, teasing. i think you will be quite nervous though. and your person will definitely notice. i'm seeing some of you may even be panicky. possibly even insecure for some of you. and i also see your person being a little bit insecure about how well they can perform and how comfortable they can make you feel. they are just so concerned about you and they end up overthinking and feeling insecure :( so they put their all into the moment.

haha i see if you have pets, there's a good chance they might climb or jump onto the bed while you're doing it and it will be a cute, funny moment that will bring you both back to earth, you'll feel all the stress and anxiety fade away and you can try again. the energy will be much lighter this time. i do see the first time being successful, it will happen relatively smoothly for most of you. i think more than physical pain, you will be experiencing mental anguish. and that does sound quite severe but for some it will be little, others it will be more. perhaps if you are insecure about your looks or body or how certain body parts look, you may feel insecure about them and act stubbornly. say you want to wear a shirt to cover yourself which might upset your person because they will think you don't trust them.

like i said earlier though, your person will not pressure you. communication is important but they don't want to ruin your first time, it's likely it will be their first also or that they don't have a lot of experience. so they focus on doing the deed itself and enjoying it, exploring each others bodies and making the most out of it. the heavy emotions caused by earlier events will be felt by the two of you but ignored for the sake of creating a memorable night together. and all the talking and communication comes later on. i think you may wish you didn't feel so many burdens and insecurities for your first time but you will also not want it any other way because your person was so affectionate and caring. i see it being quite slow overall, very instinctual. a lot of focus on the physical to distract you from the emotional.

𝙥𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙪𝙧 💋

cards drawn: the sun rv, the lovers, temperance rv, three of wands

the sun might literally be setting while you're doing it, or possibly rising but i see the sun going down. some of you may even plan for it to happen that way. this will definitely be done with the love of your life, as i'm seeing. for a number of you it will be on your wedding night but this is not for everyone. i think a lot of you will actually do it before or after. it feels so sweet. like you just know you are doing it with the right person. i see you guys being the more feminine but please take it how it resonates if you indeed feel the opposite.

i'm seeing a a holiday and i literally heard honeymoon. there's a good chance it could happen on your honeymoon. otherwise, it will happen when you and your person are on holiday. celebrating an anniversary perhaps or an engagement, or a birthday or valentine's day. or even just having a weekend getaway to spend time together. that is the scenario i am getting for when it will happen. how it will happen...well it's funny you ask because it seems to just happen so quickly. not the act itself but rather the decision, the passion, the excitement. i see you in particular being so impatient. you want to go to the next level so bad and don't get me wrong, your person feels the same but you are so damn ready for it. i seriously think you may be having extreme sexual frustration. you're so desperate to do it!

you may have attempted to do it already but experienced some sort of setback or delay, perhaps interrupted by life responsibilities. so when you get this chance to do it again, you are not leaving until you have done it haha. oh i think for those of you who are waiting for marriage, perhaps you didn't get the chance to do it on your wedding night or didn't end up going all the way. so you will go all the way when you are honeymooning. hmm so i think you are the type of person who tries to be positive but when you are feeling not positive it is so dramatic. you might be a bit of a drama queen and i'm seeing a scenario where your person is being so playful and attentive of your pouty mood and that's when you will realise "i want them so bad" haha like you will be ready to pounce on them. something about their little dedicated actions will make you want them so much. not just physically, you want them to be your first so bad because they are the best person ever and you can't imagine it with anyone else.

yeah there is so much impatience here. you just can't hold back anymore. it will be a real struggle for your person also they will try so hard to not rush you, but the sex itself will feel like a reward after waiting for so long and giving so much effort to wait this long. oh i'm seeing it could go on for hours. all of that tension, sexual frustration and impatience building up and then snapping and you can't stop. i'm seeing it will be slow at first but i'm also seeing at the end you'll be going fast like rabbits. you and your person will both be surprised at how much you can take, and how well you are taking it. i see you maybe even taking the lead and being on top once you get used to it.

you will both really enjoy the foreplay. for some it could happen quickly because you're so excited to get straight into the sex. but for others, the foreplay could last a while, building up to the real thing and it blows your mind even more. you first time will be so liberating. even during your very first experience, you want to do all the things you fantasised about, explore all of your kinks but the night is so short. it's hard for you to do all of that but the passion and excitement is there and your partner will see it. oh i see opposites attract, so they may be calmer and tamer than you and kind of teach you to slow down whilst still satisfying your appetite.

okay i see you partner envisioning you as a map to explore. not just in terms of exploring your body, but also your mind, your fantasies, your kinks, all the positions they can have you in. your "awakening" is also awakening something inside of them. i think it is important to practise sex in moderation because too much all at once could make you feel sick later on, like eating too many sweets. i'm pretty sure you'll end up ignoring this advice though haha. it's liberating and healing, opening a whole new world to you. this pile feels more refreshing and adventurous compared to the other piles. a very young and bright spirit. there is more focus on the experience with the body rather than emotional connections. it's opening your eyes to a whole new world, blanching your cells in a completely new feeling. i love this for you pile four. there is so much to be excited for.

𝙥𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝙛𝙞𝙫𝙚 💋

cards drawn: five of cups, two of wands, the tower, the devil rv

i'm sorry to open with this pile five but this is the only "negative" pile out of all of these piles, but i do say it lightly. it won't be an absolutely terrible experience so to speak but i do see you feeling some sort of regret after it happens. there will definitely be tears, likely from the initial pain of it happening. but i see the tears also being caused by emotions. ah for some of you, i see you thinking your first time was an opportunity to deepen your relationship with your person, but they will leave you afterwards. you had hopes they would be your forever person but after giving them something so important, they left. for some, it will be that the person was sort of using you, or they realised this experience was as far and committed as they wanted to be with you, so they leave afterwards.

i am sorry to say the above but my advice here is to be very careful and selective with the person you choose. but i think for others, it will be that they will stay with you a little longer, and leave later on due to other reasons. but you will still feel that regret of giving your virginity to them and wish you had saved it in the end. oh i do see a small number of you where it happens as a drunken mistake/one night stand or something of the sort. and for others, there is the possibility of becoming pregnant or getting someone pregnant during your first time which may lead to regrets. oh i know i am saying many different scenarios here so please only take what resonates as this is a general reading after all, there are messages for many different people.

i believe during the act itself, you will be feeling quite courageous, very daring energy. i think you will be nervous beforehand, maybe questioning if you should go through with the act or not. however, i do see you being brave and talking yourself up to it, kind of hyping yourself up to not waste anymore time. it feels quite spontaneous and in the moment, but you will simply just know that you want it to happen. it could also happen when you are abroad or travelling somewhere away from home. and you will have that excitement because your first time is an opportunity to discover something entirely new. you will be pushing yourself out of your comfort zone!

i do see it being a "messy" experience too. like clothes and bedsheets all over the place. even if it was something sweet with rose petals and candles and nice bedsheets, it will all end up a mess in the end. this can be good or bad depending on your preferences, but i do see you being shocked when you realise the extent of the mess which was made. you will be thinking "damn, were we really that unhinged?" it really feels like you're falling. you know those dreams where you're falling and you get those sensations in your tummy? i'm seeing you will have that feeling. it could be when you climax, the feeling of plummeting after reaching a high. you can also sometimes get that feeling when you are nervous or overwhelmed so it could be due to that.

the feeling itself would be quite unexpected. i feel you may have some thoughts or perceptions of how sex might feel but when it happens it is completely different. but in a good way! oh i feel you may be having some deep, dark fantasies in regards to sex, and you will be thinking about them a lot. but your first time will break you away from those fantasies because the act itself is different to what you expect, it kind of changes your thoughts about sex in general. yeah, it is literally life-changing for you. not in an extreme way lol but still, it will change your thoughts and perceptions about sex and possibly about life in general. i also think there will be lots of overwhelming feelings and emotions, but you will work through them easily. okay the last message is so random however i'm hearing "blindfolded", that may be one of your kinks or you will discover it as a kink. it could possibly be a part of your sexual experience. this was a pretty difficult pile to read for with some no-so-great messages, however i do want to tell you to not feel disheartened. you will eventually learn to accept how it happened because the first experience does not set the standard for all of them, and you will learn to have better experiences in the future!

#ʚɞ jella’s readings #free tarot reading #tarot readings #tarot pick a pile #pick a pile #pick an image #tarot pac #love tarot reading #tarot community

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rosaline-black · 11 months

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I would love a blurb where hotch has a girlfriend whose love language is physical touch and gift giving 😍🫶

Went for just physical touch today because I believe wholeheartedly in touch-starved!Hotch

this is short but incredibly fluffy. Like almost grossly fluffy tbh

Also I’m currently accepting hotch blurb requests so feel free to send them in!!!

Hotch would consider himself good at his job. He noticed the smallest details about his team just because he was very intuitive. He knew Prentiss was a nail biter after a week of knowing her, he knew Reid would blink more as his anxiety increased and he knew that you showed love by small touches.

3 minutes and 42 seconds. 3 minutes and 42 seconds of torture as he tried to pretend like his heart wasn’t imploding at the mere sensation of your hand planting itself on the sleeve of his blazer.

When you first started dating Hotch was apprehensive. You’d known each other for years, you’d known him when he was married, when he was divorced. He’d known you through break ups and relationships you swore were the real thing. But as time ticked on, and he noticed more about you, more of your declared touches. The more he realised as cliche as it was, that the ‘real thing’ was actually in front him the entire time.

So right now, as you both sat side by side on the jet, your cursed hand resting on his arm, did Hotch relish in the feeling for the first time. He appreciated everything you did. The careless smiles and crude snorts that followed laughter you’d been bellowing after one of Prentiss’s sarcastic quips. Even the things you’d sworn you hated. He adored all of it. All of you. Especially the touches.

It took him a while to get used to it. Before you there was Haley, and well before she passed and even before the divorce papers had been signed he had been separated from her in physical form.

So yeah, it was safe to say Aaron hotchner found it tricky to function when you so openly loved him. Hugged him in front of everyone just because you wanted to, put your hand on his shoulder when you were standing behind him in briefings just because you wanted him to know you were right there. He’d never felt so wanted.

“What’re ya thinking about? I know it was a tough case but we caught him Hotch… he won’t be able to do that-“

“You… I was thinking of you…”

Your eyes widened like the rest of the teams did. It was rare to see Hotch express any kind of emotion during work but ever since the two of you had finally gotten together after literal years of pining, well they had all noticed the subtle changes in their unit chiefs earnestness.

No one was brave enough to interrupt the extremely romantic (and slightly nausea inducing according to Prentiss) moment except one Derek Morgan who had a sarcastic quip just waiting to be spoken.

“Woah there Bossman… next you’ll be getting down on one knee at the plane runway…”

Funnily enough Hotch couldn’t find it in himself to be angry. Not when he could practically see your cheeks radiating heat at the mention of marriage. Not when you’d now been touching him for 5 Whole minutes.

#aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner fluff #aaron hotchner blurb #Aaron hotchner x you #Aaron hotchner #criminal minds #emily prentiss #derek Morgan #Dave Rossi #hotch x reader #hotch #aaron hotchner fanfic

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gothhabiba · 1 year

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hi i just saw some of ur posts on anti-psychiatry and then kept reading more on ur blog about what it is. for the most part i agree with what you've said about how capitalism uses psychiatry to designate people who are bad/abnormal and how it aligns itself w/ misogyny, racism, and so on. with that said i think i have some similar concerns/questions as another asker about what this means for those who do/would suffer even in a non-capitalist society, even if we didn't ascribe a specific label to X symptoms. if we are opposed to psychiatry, what are the options for people today who are suffering and want help? are you opposed to psychopharmaceuticals and therapy? i dont mean to ask this in a confrontational/accusatory way, i'm just new to this and genuinely curious

There are a few different parts to your question & so there are a few different angles to approach it from—

are you opposed to psychopharmaceuticals and therapy?

If this means "are anti-psych writers and activists opposed to individuals seeking treatment that they personally find helpful," then, no—a couple posts in my psychiatry tag do clarify this.

If it means "are there anti-psych critiques of psychopharmaceuticals and therapy," then, yes. Keep in mind that I'm not a neurobiologist or otherwise an expert on medications marketed as treatments for mental illnesses, but:

The evidence for the effectiveness of SSRIs in particular is sort of non-existent—even many psychiatrists who promote the biomedical model of mental illness doubt their efficacy, and refer to the "chemical imbalance" theory that enforces their usage as "an outmoded way of thinking" or "a kind of urban legend—never a theory seriously propounded by well-informed psychiatrists." But promoting SSRIs (and corresponding "serotonin deficiency" theory of depression, despite the fact that no solid evidence links depression to low serotonin) is very profitable for pharmaceutical companies. Despite the fact that direct-to-consumer advertisements are nominally regulated in the U.S., the FDA doesn't challenge these claims.

Other psychotropic drugs, such as "antipsychotics" or "antianxiety" medication, shouldn't really be called e.g. "antipsychotics" as if they specifically targeted the biological source of psychosis. No biological cause of any specific psychiatric diagnosis has been found (p. 851, section 5.1). In fact, rather than "act[ing] against neurochemical substrates of disorders or symptoms," these medications "produc[e] altered, drug induced states"—but despite the fact that they "produce global alterations in brain functioning," they are marketed as if they had "specific efficacy in reducing psychotic symptoms." Reactions to these medications that don't have to do with psychosis or anxiety (blunted affect, akathisia) are dismissed as "side effects," as though they don't arise from the same global alteration in brain function that produces the "desirable" antianxiety/antipsychotic effect. This doesn't mean "psychiatric medication turns you into a zombie so you shouldn't take it"—it means that these medications should be marketed honestly, as things that alter brain function as a whole, rather than marketed as if they target specific symptoms in a way that they cannot do, in accordance with a biomedical model of mental illness the accuracy of which has never been substantiated.

Psychiatrised people also point out that meds are used as a tool for furthering and maintaining psychiatrists' control: meds that patients are hesitant about or do not want are pushed on them, while patients who desire medication are "drug-seeking" or trying to take on the role of clinician or something and will routinely be denied care. Psychiatrised people who refuse medications are "noncompliant" and prone to psychiatric incarceration, re-incarceration, or continued/lengthened incarceration.

As for therapy: there are critiques of certain therapies (e.g. CBT, DBT) as unhelpful, status-quo-enforcing, forcing compliance, retraumatising &c. There are also critiques of therapy as representing a capitalist outsourcing of emotional closeness and emotional work away from community systems that people largely don't have in place; therapy as existing within a psychiatric system that constrains how therapists, however well-intentioned, are able to behave (e.g. mandatory reporting laws); psychotherapy forced on psychiatrised people as a matter of state control; therapists as being in a dangerous amount of power over psychiatrised people and being hailed as neutral despite the fact that their emotions and politics can and do get in the way of them being helpful. The wealth divide in terms of access to therapy is also commonly talked about; insurance (in the U.S.) or the NHS (in England) may only pay for pre-formulated group workbook types of therapy such as DBT, while more long-form, free-form, relationship-focused talk therapy may only be accessible to those who can pay 100-something an hour for it.

None of these critiques make it unethical or something for someone to get treatment that they find helpful. It's also worth noting that some of these critiques may be coming from "anti-psych" people who criticise the sources of psychiatric power, and some of them may come from people who think of themselves as advocating for reform of some of the most egregious effects of psychiatric power.

if we are opposed to psychiatry, what are the options for people today who are suffering and want help?

This looks like a few different things at a few different levels. At its most narrow and individual, it involves opting out of and resisting calls for psychiatrisation and involuntary institutionalisation of individuals—not calling the cops on people who are acting strange in public, breaking mandatory reporting laws and guidelines where we think them likely to cause harm. It involves sharing information—information about antipsychiatry critiques of psychiatric institutions, advice about how to manage therapists' and psychiatrists' egos, advice about which psychiatrists to avoid—so that people do not blame themselves if they find their encounters with psychiatry unhelpful or traumatising.

At the most broad, it's the same question as the question of how to build dual power and resist the power of capitalism writ large—building communal structures that present meaningful alternatives to psychiatry as an institution. I think there's much to be learned here from prison abolitionists and from popular movements that seek to protect people from deportation. You might also look into R. D. Laing's Kingsley Hall experiment.

what does this mean for those who would suffer even in a non-capitalist society, even if we didn't ascribe a specific label to X symptoms?

It means that people need access to honest, reliable information about what psychotropic medications do, and the right to chuse whether or not to take these medications without the threat of a psychiatrist pulling a lever that immediately restricts or removes their autonomy. It means that people need to be connected to each other in communities with planned, free resources that ensure that everyone, including severely disabled people whom no one particularly likes as individuals, has access to basic resources. It means that people need to be free to make their own choices regarding their minds and their health, even if other people may view those decisions as disastrous. There is simply no defensible way to revoke people's basic autonomy on the basis of "mental illness" (here I'm not talking about e.g. prison abolitionist rehabilitative justice types of things, which must restrict autonomy to be effective).

Also, I've mostly left the idea of who this would actually be untouched, since my central argument ("psychiatry as it currently exists is part of the biomedical arm of capitalism and the state, and the epistemologies it produces and employs and the power it exerts are thus in the service of capitalism and the state") doesn't really rest on delineating who would and wouldn't suffer from whatever mental differences they have regardless of what society they're in. But it's worth mentioning that the category of "people who are going to suffer (to whatever degree) no matter what" may be narrower than some would think—psychosis, for instance, is sometimes experienced very differently by people in societies that don't stigmatise it. I see people objecting to (their interpretations of) antipsych arguments with things along the lines of "well maybe depression and anxiety are caused by capitalism, but I'm schizophrenic so this doesn't apply to me"—as though hallucinations are perforce more physically "real," more "biological," more "extra-cultural" in nature than something like depression. But the point is that positing a specific neurobiological etiology for any psychiatric diagnosis is unsubstantiated, and that capitalist society affects how every "mental illness" is read and experienced (though no one is arguing that e.g. hallucinations wouldn't always exist in some form).

#psychiatry #long post /#mental illness #antipsych #antipsychiatry #Anonymous #questions #psychotropic drugs #ssris

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4dkellysworld · 9 months

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Self-realization vs derealization

I saw an ask @adadisciple about derealization and thought I'd add my 2 cents here as I have experienced derealization in the past and might be able to offer a bit more insight. I didn't want to reblog that ask for personal reasons and also the response is really long. Disclaimer: I am not a therapist either, my thoughts are based on personal experience alone so take whatever feels right and leave the rest. Also I can't speak from the perspective of full realization as I am not there yet but hopefully this helps in some way.

When I first found non-dualism, I also had similar concerns as someone who had experienced derealization, I thought: was this another thing that was going to induce it?

Let's start with the definition (thank you Google) for those reading who may be unclear:

Depersonalization/derealization disorder involves a persistent or recurring feeling of being detached from one's body or mental processes, like an outside observer of one's life (depersonalization), and/or a feeling of being detached from one's surroundings (derealization).

From personal (human/ego) experience, this condition is purely of the mind and body with blocked awareness (? not sure if this is correct terminology, I am not talking about pure awareness in this case but more mindfulness*) and is often just a symptom of another mental or physical condition/illness such as depression/anxiety etc. The mind and/or body are just completely detached however, there is clouded awareness (due to the mind/body) and you just feel like you are existing and floating around. You very much still feel a part of the world and identify as such (although feeling detached & disengaged) even if you have lost faith in everything you feel as real. It's sort of hard to put into words but if you have experienced derealization too, then hopefully you can relate and understand what I am getting at. When I experienced it, I didn't know of any truth. I just lost faith in the world and didn't know what was real anymore. So, I was completely checked out.

*Mindfulness is paying full attention to what is going on in you and outside you, moment by moment, without judgment. (thanks Google)

Ada made a really good distinction here (I suggest reading the full ask)**:

The point of this all was to let go of concepts, let go of believing in things, investigating their validity, experimenting. Disbelieving you are Vanessa and denial are not the same thing. Denial is when you deny reality to something you're already giving reality to. Disbelieving was meant as an experiment, you never thought yourselves to be anything but this body, what will happen if you did?

**Actually, re-reading that ask made me realize maybe a reblog of an exercise I recommended is not the best since it instructs denial of what ego believes to be real instead of disbelief and experimentation (eep, Vanessa is still learning and evolving!). See my edit on this post :)

Here is another relevant and helpful ask by 4dbarbie:

I don't teach to do anything to the 3D, not even deny it. Not seeing the world as it is, is an aversion to it. - Lester Levenson Your 3D is right and perfect, what you see is what you are so even if you're seeing what 'you' don't want, the 3D is not wrong in being what it is. Fearing it, trying to manipulate it, lying to yourself about it being something different - all useless and vain attempts. See it as it is and it will fix itself. And no, being delusional is not good, it leads you not to trust your own judgment OR senses. Which is not right, why shouldn't you? What is wrong with your vision? Being delusional from your ego self is really harmful, someone could be abusing you and you would go "i'm sure that's not right he loves me so much in my 4D!!!"

So lets clarify the distinction:

Derealization = denial of everything while still identifying as the ego (and the world as reality) although not wanting to => ego experiences confusion/chaos/mental condition/disorders

Self-realization = disbelief of current reality concepts => letting go of such concepts and quieting the mind => experiencing the true Self (the creator of the mind) => permanent identification with Self, not imaginary concepts (including the ego) => Knowing Reality, and therefore realizing full peace and freedom

Now let's move onto practicing non-dualism. The basis of the practice is let go of thoughts, quiet the mind and focus on being awareness/I AM. It is all about letting go, not denial.

From a non-dualist perspective, derealization is just another mental concept/creation. When the mind is completely silent (and sustained) and pure awareness is realized and embodied, when Self is your permanent identification, when you (Self) know you are not your body not Vanessa feeling dissassociated from mind & body or just intellectually knowing it from learning concepts (important distinction!), it is not derealization, in fact it is the only reality, the only truth.

I have experienced short moments of experiencing myself as the pure witness where the mind was completely quiet and those short moments felt so peaceful, whole and true. There were no feelings of derealization in that moment because there was no active mind then. Right now, I do think my ego feels a bit derealized at times but this is because I have not fully identified with Self yet and it is also because my sense and understanding of reality is in the process of being recalibrated on this journey. When this happens, I sit in silence and go back to the one truth 'I Am' and feel myself into it and everything else melts away. The more you do this, the more you will feel the truth and peace until it becomes permanent (when you realize Self).

But no one can give you the whole truth but yourself.

Lester: Yes. However, knowing what you're telling me helps one let go of that obstacle of intellectual knowledge. I prod you in this direction, don't I? I say: “Don't believe anything. Start from scratch. Build up your knowledge on the solid foundation of proof, step by step.” Everyone must do this. Q: You can't take someone else's experience? Lester: Right, you would be working on hearsay, on what they have said, and the only useful thing is that which you experience. I relate it to driving a car. If I say I know how to drive a car after reading a book that directs you to turn the key on, start the motor, shift into drive and step on the gas, do I know how to drive a car? No, not until I experience it can I drive a car. It's the same thing on the path; we must experience everything. We must, of course, adopt the attitude that what the Great Ones say is so, that they have experienced it. However, you must check it out and prove it for yourself. And the basic Truth is that there’s only one Reality; there's only one absolute Truth, and that is that this whole world or universe is nothing but God, but better than that, is nothing but my very own Self. God could be far away; He could be miles and miles away in cosmic space, but my very own Self is right here, is something I know about, is something I can perceive, it is my very own Self! So, using Self as God is far more practical than putting Him out there, putting Him apart from us. But each one must start from the bottom and prove this whole thing for himself. As the proofs come, the more they come the more we accept until we experience the whole thing. - Lester Levenson, Session 11: Meditation with Quest - Keys to Ultimate Freedom

"And the basic Truth is that there’s only one Reality; there's only one absolute Truth" I literally didn't even read this excerpt before sharing it (searched the book for the keyword 'proof' because I was looking for another excerpt) but came to the same conclusion after practicing and experiencing it for myself. And that is what you must do if you want the truth too. Experience and then decide for yourself.

This perceived and experienced knowledge is the only knowledge that does us any good. We can read everything on the subject, but it doesn’t help. Our life doesn’t change much, and it doesn’t because we don’t integrate the knowledge into our beingness through realization. Realized knowledge is nonintellectual, although the means we use are intellectual. We use our mind, we direct our mind toward the answer, but you will discover that the answer does not come from the mind. It comes from a place just behind the mind. It comes from the realm of knowingness, the realm of omniscience. By quieting the mind through stilling our thoughts, each and every one of us has access to this realm of knowingness. Then and there you realize, you make real. You know and you know that you know. - Lester Levenson, Session 6: Realization - Keys to Ultimate Freedom

If you want to understand more about the process of realizing Self, I recommend reading my 4dbarbie remix post. If you have already read it, reread it, maybe even read some of the referenced posts/asks and see if you get any new understanding. Or better yet, just sit in silence and stillness, quiet the mind and focus on 'I Am'.

I must emphasise that in non-duality, letting go of the ego is the basic foundation of practice as it is very much a journey of self-transformation (this is just another concept to help the ego understand, but you are always, have always been and always will be Self, you just do not see it as you are currently identified as the ego).

If you (the ego) are not willing to do that, then come back when you are ready. It is not up to anyone to convince you to adopt this practice and way of life.

#writings #non duality #non dualism

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completeoveranalysis · 6 months

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Of Yūko's customers, which ones you find most memorable?

Most memorable customers, you say?

I hope you don't mind me using this as an excuse to make an arbitrary list by way of answer. (Arbitrary lists, my beloved...)

Yuuko's Customers In Order Of How Well I Remember Them

(Though I will exclude all the bigger characters for fairness. So, Syaoran, Watanuki, Lava Lamp, Fai, Kurogane, Doumeki, Himawari, Seishirou, Ashura, Tomoyo, etc, etc. Regular xxxHolic customers only!)

10. Birdcage Customer

What was this about? Was he even a customer? We just don't know!

But the thing most memorable about this whole situation is the most pressing question: WHY DO YOU HAVE EVIL WOLVERINE'S SYMBOL ALL OVER YOUR HOME? It's even on his front sign!

WHO ARE YOU?????

9. The Liar

Mostly at the bottom because I can't resist the irony. She's the first big customer we see - but what do we really know about her? Absolutely nothing, because she lied every step of the way!

What can we really remember about someone who never actually told us anything about herself?

Though I guess you could say her ending causes quite an impact.

8. Monkey's Paw Customer

Did I forget this had happened? Perhaps!

She's one of those cases where the cause and effect are so clear that the rest of the cast might as well not even be there - and I think most of her story IS told through scenes entirely from her perspective.

I think the most memorable thing about her is the Sheer Audacity of hunting down a monkey's paw and being convinced that, actually, she already knows what it does so it can't possibly go wrong. Love that for her. Would kill for this confidence.

(Not literally - but she kind of did that also)

7. Ame Warashi

Her impeccable style. Her winning charm. She's an icon.

I had just completely forgotten that she was also a customer at one point.

She makes up for it for being absolutely great in every scene she was in, but what are you going to do in a list based purely on how well I remember the customer part? Woops! My bad!

6. Karasu Tengu

They get huge points for this being a Central Event in the narrative, but also I completely forgot they were in this as customers. The entire plot scenario? Incredible! Character defining! Et cetera!

The actual Karasu Tengu themselves? Woops! I forgot they were there. My fault though!

5. The Computer Addict

I love this one. She's so ahead of the curve that she was addicted to the internet back when you had to be on the pc to use it. Honestly, relatable. I also went through a phase like this as a young teen, so the struggle was real.

Little did we all know that in the present day the accessibility of the internet would be so rampant that she literally wouldn't even need that pc to indulge her habits anymore. Oops!

But that aside Yuuko is peak during this arc and I love everything about it. Especially the fact that Yuuko just hangs out on message boards in her free time? Wonderful information. I can do so much with this.

4. Oops! All Ghosts

Another incredible storyline. The twists are preserved by some sneaky panels from Watanuki's perspective and Yuuko's morally grey approach to the whole situation is wonderful. What if you wanted to get rid of the ghost in your home, only to find out that YOU were the ghost all along? It has the DISTRESS. It has the CONFLICT. It has the TRAGEDY. 10/10

3. Haunted Photo

Another customer with Peak Audacity. Trying to wish away the consequences of your own actions? Committing something awful but being unable to actually look at the proof yourself? The ultimate wish being an anxiety inducing curse that is sure to fail? Love it.

It's also one of those juicy situations where the morality of the situation basically drives itself. The customer causes her own problems and can't actually be saved - and doesn't deserve it either.

And honestly I think CLAMP should get a lot of credit for having the haunting effects of a photograph slowly turning around in a purely static medium. They really pulled that off.

I still love the evil smile in the photograph the last time we see it. PURE memorable.

2. The Twin

WE LOVE HER? WE LOVE HER.

Being consistently cut off and run down and overwritten and slowly clawing your way out of the situation through the sheer desire to be your own person?

And then the answer is a haircut?

It's another glimpse into the side of Yuuko that really does try cut people a good bargain. The wish could have been taken in any number of ways, but Yuuko went for the easiest and most affordable way that would genuinely help the customer actually fix her life on her own. She didn't specifically need supernatural help for this, but it was the route that presented itself, and it was the one that got her the help she needed when she needed it. Very hitsuzen, very relatable, very identifiable storyline that sticks with you.

Just like the final entry!

1. Kohane

Listen do I even need to explain this one.

Kohane is like THE storyline. It's THE example of what it's all about. It's not entirely supernatural in nature but completely heart wrenching. It has Watanuki playing a central role in fixing the problem, setting up for his future (or at least, what I assume it will be). It ties xxxHolic to Tsubasa and hints at a secret tool that will help with someone later.

And it has Kohane! You can't go wrong.

#I'm not counting the ghost who tries to kill Watanuki #because she was lonely #Or uh... all the other ghosts that try to kill Watanuki #Didn't buy anything! Not customers!#replies #traditionalartist #not liveblogging the reservoir chronicle #xxxholic #Oh am I doing a ranking list for no reason?#YES ABSOLUTELY #Listen I love it #I'll rank anything for any reason #But also #The thematic links between all the longer Customer arcs?#The overlaps between the computer addict the twin and kohane?#The line between the haunted photo and kohane's mother?#Wonderful #I love how they play with themes all the way through #But in different flavours and in different stages

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happyheidi · 1 year

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Wish me luck! I’m going to the doctor today (the double hour stuff with blood tests, EKG etc) but what I’m least looking forward to is the hour with the doctor itself as he’s been HORRIBLE to me and is extremely anxiety inducing! today I’m gonna, once and for fuckin all, let him know about these things and so much more. I’m wearing the ‘SMILE’ bracelet.

For extra support. But words of encouragements - or maybe even tips for being assertive to someone more ‘powerful’ / in a more dominant position than myself (and who’s also highly insecure with the most fragile ego I think I’ve ever experienced).

#cottagecore #health #doctor tips #being assertive #text #tagging as cottagecore so more ppl will see #I’m leaving in 30 min #the appointment is in 1 hour & 10 min

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atlas-of-a-human-soul · 2 years

Text

Wildest dreams, pt. 16

Summary: Meeting the imprints.

Warnings: fluff, angst

Wildest Dreams Masterlist

————————————

Sitting in the corner of what she could best describe as an all-girls sleepover, Y/N sipped on her tea trying to ignore the drying tear stains on her shirt. Her lower lip quivers each time she releases it from her teeth formed prison, the flesh bruised and swollen after her merciless, anxiety induced chewing.

Emily catches her gaze every now and then, but Y/N is quick to avert her eyes. She had been given some space to gather her thoughts, but how can she do that when her mind is far too engrossed in the very real possibility of losing Paul before she even had a chance to call him hers?

Would destiny be so cruel? After all the time she spent ripping him apart for things that happened so long ago, she would deserve this.

But he wouldn’t.

Paul wouldn’t deserve to die just to torture Y/N, or so she hopes.

“They’ll be fine”, one of the girl speaks to her. Her hair is short, down to her shoulders – black as is usual in La Push. Her face is wide, mainly in the cheeks thus making her eyes seem smaller than they are. The dark eyes reflect empathy, a kindness of spirit that allows Y/N to relax. She remembers her from high school. She was one of the few girls that hung around with the guys.

Y/N used to be so jealous of her,

At least she understands now.

“You’re Kim”, Y/N states. “Jared’s imprint.”

Nodding, Kim smiles softly. “One of the first imprints in the pack.” Reaching for Y/N’s hand, her smile widens. They’ve seen each other quite a lot, but they’ve never really spoken. When Paul was stuck to the bed, she barely paid any mind to anyone else and Kim understood that. She wouldn’t be interested in making new friends if something happened to Jared either. “I’ve done this quite a lot. It’s almost never anything more than a few scrapes and bruises.”

Swallowing thickly, Y/N frowns. “I haven’t done this a lot, but mine came back with a lot worse last time.”

“Paul is strong. One of the strongest in the pack.” Looking around carefully, she leans in and whispers. “Don’t tell Jared I said that.”

Pressing the tip of her thumb and pointer finger, she runs them over her lips and locks them before throwing away the imaginary key over her right shoulder.

“Does the worry and constant fear fade away?” Placing her hand over her heart, Y/N lets out a shuddered breath. “I don’t think I can survive many more nights like this.”

“It’s always there”, a blonde speaks up. “Just as your love for him is. It’s like a phantom limb.” Shrugging, she manages a small smile as she looks at her hands. “Ever since I met Embry, I’ve felt it. I didn’t know the truth for the first few months of dating and I still felt it.”

She’s stunning. Shaking her head, Y/N suppresses a chuckle in disbelief. All those years ago, Y/N was so certain she’d marry Embry and they’d have a perfect life…like most young girls do. It never occurred to her they’d stop being friends at sixteen, or that their lives would be so different.

This girl is the epitome of beauty – as if the sun itself kissed her hair golden and the skies reflect in her eyes. She’s all Y/N never was nor can be. It’s silly, but the teenage girl that harbored those feelings for Embry is genuinely stumped at how dumb her crush was when this is his type.

“Embry never told me he imprinted.” Y/N admits.

“I’m Daisy.” Her eyes lighten up. “I’ve heard so much about you. Feels like I know you already!” It doesn’t look like she knows Y/N’s history with Embry and Y/N has no plans on changing that. Stirring drama isn’t good for anyone involved.

“I look forward getting to know you.” Y/N offers a friendly smile and for once, she means it. She can’t help but look around the room.

Next, she met Claire – Quil’s imprint. She’s still in high school and they’re friends. She’s dating her best friend – Andrea, who is also present.

The other girls were rather young as well, imprints of those who joined the pack as mere children at a time when vampires were frequent in the area.

They told her about Leah and Owen who live in Los Angeles, and of their daughter who is starting kindergarten.

Seth is one of the rare wolves who has yet to imprint on anyone, or so they said.

“What about Jacob?” Y/N furrows her eyebrows, confused. “You said almost everyone has an imprint. Does Jacob?”

Emily clears her throat. “He does.”

“Oh”, escapes her. She didn’t know if she was more hurt about the fact he didn’t tell her himself or about the way he talked to her as if he was interested in starting a romantic relationship with her when he came back.

Sure, not all imprints are romantic, Claire and Quil aren’t, but she didn’t believe Jacob would be able to resist a connection like that. It’s cosmic, all consuming. At least it is for her. So what happened to have him acting the way he did with her?

Before she can ask for details, the door opens and in an instant the room is overcome with joy. She watched as the girls leapt from their seats and into the arms of their loved ones. Emily kissed Sam, Claire and Andrea embraced Quil, Daisy nearly knocked Embry over as she jumped from the couch and straight into his chest.

Lips parting, she grips the hem of her skirt as Paul moves past Sam and pauses in front of the coffee table. Shirtless, the muscles on his chest move up and down as his breathing quickens at the sight of his imprint.

She’s curled in a chair, her hands shaking as she grips the hem of her skirt, pulling it down to make sure she’s appropriately covered. Her eyes are glossy, tied to him as if he’s the anchor she desperately needs to hold on to. His eyes flicker to the quivering chin and it’s enough for him to smile – she cares. Moving to her side, he falls to her knees before her.

Most would assume she’s indifferent, but they’d be blind. She’s tired, fighting tears and likely can’t even feel her legs to actually stand and run to his arms and he can feel it in his heart and soul that’s what she wanted to do. He didn’t need her to do that, he didn’t even see it worthy of a second thought. All he wants is to hold her hand and remind her he’s there – that he always will be.

And that’s exactly what he does.

The moment the palm of his hand rests over her pale knuckles, her hands relax and without a moment to waste, Y/N’s arms are wrapped around him, her face hiding in the crook of his neck.

“It’s okay”, he whispers as he pulls her closer and lifts her up only to sit in her place, allowing her to remain in his lap, wrapped around him. “I’m here, dove. I’m here.”

“I hate that nickname”, she reminds him meekly and he can’t help but chuckle.

“Might grow on you”, he insists.

“You know, we are here too?! We deserve a hug, don’t we?” Embry exclaims, earning himself a middle finger from Paul.

“Oh, nice! Real mature!” Jacob remarks.

Inhaling sharply, Y/N pulls herself away just enough to rest her temple on Paul’s shoulder. “As mature as neither of you telling me you’ve imprinted”, she sasses back and Embry glances at Daisy nervously.

“We didn’t want to overwhelm you.”

“I’ve already been pushed off a cliff and into the ocean of madness you’ve got going on here. Meeting your soulmates would be a vacation compared to everything else”, she deadpans. “And Daisy is pretty amazing.”

“I know, right?!” Embry smirks as he pulls Daisy into a half embrace.

Raising her brows, she looks to Jacob. “And where’s yours?”

“Probably best we leave that for later”, Paul warns her gently.

“Why? What could be worse than Quil imprinting on a little girl?”

“Hey!” Quil pipes up.

“Well, she’s right”, Claire remarks and he quiets down.

“A newborn”, Seth spills the beans instead.

Wide eyes, she looks to Jacob. “No frickin’ way.”

“Mhmm”, Jared laughs. “Bella’s one minute old vampire baby!”

Opening her mouth to speak, Y/N stares at Jacob without a single word leaving her lips.

“Oh, come on! I didn’t exactly have a choice!” He reminds everyone. “If I did, I’d have imprinted on you!” Jacob points at Y/N.

Gripping her hip tighter, Paul narrows his eyes at Jacob. “Better watch that finger as well as your mouth, Jake.”

Tapping Paul’s shoulder, Y/N pecks his cheek. “We should probably go before you decide to eat Jacob for dinner.”

“He can try”, Jacob snorts, further angering Paul.

Realizing he’s shaking, Y/N swallows thickly. Placing her hand on his cheek, she turns his head to look at her.

The anger is burning in his eyes like a bonfire, spreading through his veins like a forest fire and yet, the moment she presses her lips against his, it’s as if a wave has washed over him, putting the fire out instantly.

It doesn’t take long for him to return the kiss, pulling Y/N closer until they can hardly breathe.

“WE CAN SEE YOU”, Seth reminds them, causing Y/N to laugh and pull away sheepishly.

“Thanks a lot, Seth”, Paul grimaces.

“What? I’d rather not barf the delicious cupcake I just had!”

And though the night didn’t quite end the way Y/N planned, she enjoyed the dinner they shared as a big family. She enjoyed hearing their stories and while some scared her to the core, being with Paul helped her heartbeat calm to a reasonable pace.

“You do realize I’m wearing an extremely sexy pair of red, lacy panties and a matching bra?” She whispers in his ear as the rest of them all seemed to be lost in their own conversations.

“Heard that”, Quil whines.

Throwing her head back, Y/N groans. “Get up”, she orders Paul who chuckles and raises his hands in mock surrender.

“There is no way I’m going anywhere with you.”

With hands on her hips and raised eyebrows, she looks at Paul. “Do you prefer everyone here hearing all the dirty things I’d do to you, or would you rather have me skip theory and go straight to a practical approach?”

Paul hisses, “Temptress!”

“3”, she begins.

“What?”

“2”, she places a hand on her zipper and his eyes widen.

Jumping to his feet, he looks at the amused looks from his brothers in shock. “This is why I never wanted an imprint!”

Raising a brow, she takes a step back. “Excuse me?!”

Embry explodes with laughter, while Quil exclaims. “I GET YOUR HOUSE WHEN SHE KILLS YOU!”

“Not that I regret it”, Paul tries to coerce her to smile, but her eyes narrow at him.

“Sure”, she swallows thickly. “You’re right. Stay here.” Turning on her heel, she waves at everyone. “And I’m going home. Enjoy your night everyone.”

Watching her walk away in confusion, Paul rubs his forehead.

“What the fuck did I even do?”

“You basically told her that you didn’t want to imprint”, Daisy exclaims. “Which translates to: I didn’t want to be with you, but I am because a magic bond has made sure I can’t leave.”

Huffing, he shakes his head. “I’m an idiot.”

“You’re a bigger idiot for standing there instead of running after her.”

“I was gonna!” Paul insists. “Just needed to know what to apologize for.”

Shaking his head, Jacob grimaces. “And this is the part where you run after her!”

“RIGHT”

_______________________

Tags: @the-chaotic-cow @xxxjaexxx @captainrogers-19 @bexloxl @laehlaluvs @adaydreamaway08 @sunsetevergreen @volturiwolf @twihard08 @galacticstxrdust @sorrow-and-bliss @ireadthensuetheauthors @missxmarvelous @locokoca @unstablekay @makhaia @venusdelaroix @avadakadabra93 @tearsforhan @a-marie-a @lendeluxe @seagulls-corner @jdbxws @kitabestboy @rottenstyx @itsmytimetoodream @dreamerwasfound @avis15 @whatevenisthisname @julia13123 @convolutings @rachelccollier @prvncessvibes @thingfromlove @jennyamanda8 @havecourage-darling@luvr-exe @alittlejudgemental @bugerie @turningtoclown @vikingsheart12 @emptydoorsandpaintedwindows

A/n - Anyone not tagged has either changed their @ or deactivated their account. If you haven’t and the tag didn’t work for you, let me know. I’d like to apologize for a relatively short chapter after waiting for a while, I’ve been having a lot of personal issues - work, health and especially the overwhelming depressing that’s been trying to win this little war we’ve been having for the past five years. So, I’ll try to be more active and write, but I really can’t make any promises.

PART 17

#paul lahote #paul lahote x reader #paul lahote series #twilight #Twilight series #twilight fanfiction #twilight fandom #twilight saga #twilight renaissance #jacob black #embry call #sam uley #Quil Ateara #seth clearwater

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epicspheal · 1 year

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So I finally did the whole “gym leader inspection” last night to see where the fandom is getting their “Evil Geeta” vibes from. And while the jury is still out on her until the DLC the bad blood between Geeta and the leaders isn’t striking me immediately as proof that she’s evil. Let’s start with the whole “Most of the gym leaders are anxious about the inspection” thing. Speaking as someone who has had a full time job, performance reviews are always a little nerve-wracking no matter what type of boss you may have. There is always room for improvement, let alone there’s always a chance you’re going to be told you need to do more. Not really sure how other leagues are ran but I could guarantee you that gym leaders from Kanto to Galar would also feel the same level of anxiety about a performance review and it honestly shouldn’t be used as proof that Geeta is evil. Rather proof that performance reviews suck and anxiety inducing. Now let’s go into some of the individual reactions. Brassius quite frankly really didn’t seem to care. He was more concerned about his new inspiration for art than the inspection. If anything being a gym leader is more of a side-gig to his art career. Neither did Iono as she’s far more concerned about her streams and viewer numbers moreso than the inspection itself. In fact she seemed very impressed that Geeta trusted the player to do the inspection Kofu probably takes this the best because he’s a restaurant owner. He understands that at times people judging him may be harsh and to not take it personally. This is an important skill that you have to learn as an adult in the working world and it’s easier said than done especially if you’re sensitive. I’m quite sensitive myself and it’s taken me a lot to get even to half of where Kofu is in regards to criticism especially if it’s not given tactfully in my opinion. Him saying Geeta is harsh doesn’t necessarily imply he thinks she’s bad at all. And I think if anything he welcomes any harshness because it helps him improve. Again, that’s a skill that’s hard to develop and hard to conceptualize if you haven’t been put in a position where you’ve been dealt harsh criticism. It certainly sucks to be on the receiving end and yes tactful delivery is still key but you can’t always expect “room for improvement” talks to always be delivered gently. Then there’s Katy who is bored of being the first gym leader and being told to go soft on Geeta. Honestly Geeta telling her to be softer on her opponents isn’t a bad thing. Gym leaders are supposed to be tests, not nigh-insurmountable obstacles. While going too soft on people isn’t great, crushing new trainers off the bat isn’t helpful either as you can indeed squander potential talent doing that. Something Geeta recognizes. Katy here is in her feelings but it is understandable. No one likes losing, and with her being a bug type specialist there is probably the added sting of feeling like she’s conforming to the stereotype that Bug types are week. However, Geeta isn’t in the wrong for what she said. Rather it’s up to Katy to do something about it if she’s so discontent from being the first gym leader. She can up her challenge a bit, going soft doesn’t mean being a cakewalk. Or if this really bothers her, get better at being a trainer so she can become a leader that’s recommended to be faced later on despite being so close to Mesagoza. And to her credit, Katy does at least recognize that after the battle with the intent of battling at a higher level. Whether that means not being as soft on newer trainers or just trying to make sure she gets a higher rank we’re not sure, but she has the maturity to not really blame Then you have Tulip who says she’s not Geeta’s biggest fan because she dislikes how bewitching Geeta’s aura is compared to her own. Now some people may have latched on to the bewitching as proof that she’s evil but when you look at the definition of bewitching it means “enchanting or delightful” or in other words “so beautiful or attractive that you cannot think of anything else”. This actually kind of implies Tulip might be a bit jealous of Geeta and how she carries herself rather Geeta being malicious. She compares Geeta’s aura to her own and calls it similarly bewitching implying that both of them have an enchanting way about them. And often when two people of similar vibes meet they may end up clashing. I think the whole ESP gym test makes people perhaps read a bit more into the bewitching thing because Tulip may have psychic powers we don’t know and so maybe she knows something we don’t. And it very well may be shown in the DLC that Tulip’s words were foreshadowing. But the bewitching line to me at least at the moment, strikes me more as a “I’m a bit envious of the chairwoman” over “the chairwoman is evil” Then you have Ryme who is rather blatantly insulted that Geeta sends the player to do the inspection rather than herself. She even states that she had been looking forward to proving the strength of ghost-types to her and felt a bit robbed. Now again this really isn’t a “Geeta is evil” type thing. Sure it probably would’ve been nicer to have Geeta mention that she was sending someone else as a courtesy. But I think Ryme’s feelings of being insulted come from a place of insecurity. She’s only been the leader for a year and a half and she does enjoy the job. Again like I said earlier, performance reviews will make any employee nervous but especially newer ones who haven’t been on the job all that long. So I can definitely see why Ryme was upset as she probably felt like this was a snub and as someone who has been a new employee I can sympathize with her feelings. But it doesn’t make Geeta bad that this happen. The only bad thing Geeta did was just not tell everyone she was sending someone else. Next is Grusha who during the inspection talks about being worried that he’ll lose his job and the only other thing he has talent for. Again much like Ryme is this is definitely coming more from insecurity on the part of Grusha over Geeta being a bad boss. Like Ryme it also comes from an understandable place. He suffered a great loss in losing his ability to snowboard and knowing that his gym leader position is a job that can be lost as well is certainly anxiety inducing. Especially for someone like himself who tends to wrap their identity in their talents. I don’t even think he actually dislikes Geeta he’s just terrified of potentially of not doing well enough to stay in his position. Again that’s something extremely relatable but not necessarily a mark on Geeta herself. Finally there is Larry who has the most outright grievances towards Geeta. Him having outright grievances doesn’t mean she’s evil though. A lot of people have grievances with their bosses and it could be that their boss is bad, it could be they themselves are the bad ones, or maybe neither are bad and they just don’t mesh. And honestly even though they clearly have beef Geeta does tell him to stop doing overtime. She may not be the world’s best boss but her telling him to chill on the overtime does count for something when there are plenty of bosses who will happily let you work overtime, even unpaid overtime. And also yes, she does ask him to use a different type when battling as an Elite Four member but honestly that’s not a bad boss thing. One it makes sense that if you’re going to use someone as both a gym leader and elite four member (who are generally all type specialists) to switch things up to keep challengers on their toes. After all the Champion’s Test is an assessment. And as Larry himself states, he understands why she asked him to switch things up. He realizes that he misses a lot of growth by just staying in one lane with one type and he’ll become stronger as a trainer if he takes different approaches. Yeah he still doesn’t like her but he’s mature enough as an adult to realize when she’s making good points and that’s important although again a tough point to get to. Because it’s often really hard to hear good points from someone you’re not the biggest fan of. So honestly if anything Geeta and the gym leader’s relationship really resembles real life workplaces. Not everyone is buddy-buddy. People get anxiety when performance reviews or big meetings are called. People have insecurities that tend to get poked in certain situations. It doesn’t necessarily mean any one person is good or bad.

#champion geeta #gym leader grusha #gym leader ryme #gym leader iono #gym leader brassius #gym leader kofu #gym leader larry #gym leader katy #gym leader tulip #sv spoilers #character analysis

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hydrasheadest · 6 months

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It's been a long day. A long couple of weeks. A long few months. This all started with AI art debate and just snowballed into this big, festering wound. I have a lot of feelings about this, most of which have been kept private. I am in the position to speak which is unusual and extremely anxiety-inducing for me. I want to be as clear as possible about this. I do not condone the way that I have been treated (to my face and way from my own eyes). I do not condone the way that other members of the LGBTQIA+ community have been treated. We deserve better and there is better out there for us.

I am an advocate of educating the hateful, the misguided, and the ignorant. Words have so much power. More than we believe until we are hit with one that finds its way into the soft, tender parts of our hearts. Words have so much power, my friends and we have to use them to do better. To be better. So I have observed quietly, I have given opportunities to right wrongs. I have explained myself thoroughly and calmly in the private of DMs. I have watched my friends stand up for me and for others like me, when I was unprepared to speak.

I have watched this community in the throes of difficult growth and I am here to say something.

If you were hurt by the events on Equiliberty, if you were hurt by Jocelyn's vitriol and outdated, harmful comments (intended to inflict pain or not, does not matter; ignorance does not excuse thoughtlessly wounding others.) I hope you can find healing in knowing you are not alone. You are loved and have value to me. This is our platform, our community - there is no one server to rule them all. We are all united in something that is supposed to be fun and uplifting. We can decide together what we will allow within our servers, our feeds, across all social media. Yes, this is just a pixel pony server.

It is also a part of life, as all social media and entertainment platforms have become. Does that mean that we are okay with cruelty because it occurs in a place of fun? We have the ability, the privilege, and the duty to call upon each other to make it home for all. Regardless of server affiliation. Please do not sit idly by. Speak up. Let us take a firm stance on transphobia, bigotry, and hate speech and let those who enjoy such things understand that there is no place for it in any place that calls itself inclusive.

Peace Love and Plants Dae 💚🌱 P.S. Don't forget to drink some quality H2O and have a snack. Stay safe out there.

#equiliberty #no more #speak up #sims 4 horses #sims 4 simblr #harpg #ts4 horses #sims horses #sims 4 #ts4

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horizon-verizon · 15 days

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I could be thinking about this too much because this may just be due to bad writing, but the page makes much less sense beyond it being supposedly Alicent trying to appeal their past friendship to a woman whose kids she nearly stabbed.

Otto says this to Rhaenyra:

Queen Alicent has not forgotten the love that once existed between you. There is no need for bloodshed to continue peace in the kingdom. Queen Alicent is impatiently waiting for your answer.

Here is an post with a link to an article that began this post's line of thought:

But if only Alicent had read up more on Nymeria, she might understand the irony of her own actions. Though Rhaenyra does not say so in that scene under the tree, Nymeria’s house, after years of conquest, took over Dorne, and Nymeria ruled as Princess of Dorne for more two decades. She survived over a dozen assassination attempts, quelled two different rebellions, and drove back a couple of invasions. She abolished gender-based succession in Dorne, and her eldest daughter succeeded her.

It’s a little rich for Alicent to send Rhaenyra a history of a ruler who abolished gender-based succession—after leading a coup to place her son on the throne based on the premise that his elder sister should not inherit the crown. (It was equally eye roll inducing when Alicent told the Queen Who Never Was, Rhaenys, last week that she was better suited to rule than Viserys while simultaneously lobbying Rhaenys to support her drunken son Aegon II’s claim to the Iron Throne.)

It's possible that Alicent sends Rhaenyra this Nymeria page less as a way to hark on their friendship and girlhood innocence, but to use Nymeria as a cautionary figure against Rhaenyra's desires & moves towards war & accept Aegon as the ruler.

🎨: JENNIFER DRUMMOND: [in AWoIaF]

Remember, the Dornish aren't looked at...favorably by most non-Dornish Westerosi despite them having the same language and the same religion (and I mean most Dornish, even those Daeron I called "salty" way later). and that's because of their not only thier accent but the higher status and agency their women have of themselves and in politics through the Rhoynish practice of absolute primogeniture. Where the oldest child, regardless of gender, are customarily see as true inheritors. Before Nymeria & her people's arrival, Dorne was like other Westerosi Andal people, as in they were likely pale and practiced male-preference primogeniture and spoke the Common tongue like other Andal-descents.

Nymeria is, like Rhaenys & Visenya, more of an abnormal figure to those "up north" for being a female ruler who was able to survive several devastating setbacks and went on to conquer several Andal Dornish lords with her Martell husband (but he never would have been able to dominate those other lords without her mainly female-warrior army, his house wasn't even the "mightiest", like the Targs in Valyria) to ensure her people's survival, which itself also involved what I'd call a "Great Integration", when Nymeria's people intermarried with the Dornish men and exchanged their equipment, etc.. Westeros is obviously culturally and physically divided into "the savage northerners" from those who worship the Seven and have been for generations, such a thing isn't...feasible nor desired. Her waging war, though, to go back to that, is another remarkable and feared aspect of her, despite it being obvious that it was necessary and inevitable if she wanted her people to live (AWoIAF "Ten Thousand Ships"):

Nymeria didn't change pre-Nymeria Dorne for any reason that prioritized the pre-Nymeria Dronish lords then, but for the self-oriented reason of survival. And she's brought about a huge change; that in of itself is terrifying or at least anxiety-inducing, to see a woman even carry out something relegated to men...and even do it better. (Or, you know, that's the PoV)

In this way, Alicent giving that page is very much par for the course not only for her character, but also for how we can look at F&B being itself propaganda for "women-ruler bad! Cause "unnecessary" strife!" But it still doesn't really make sense for Rhaenyra to fully & sincerely accept that line of persuasion or to accept that idea that allowing Aegon to become king and render those oaths made to her worthless, the long years she spent practicing being heir worthless, and/or her father's long walk to "defend" her worthless, the danger to her children if she ever accepted the terms and ironically the danger presented if a lord were to try to use these 2 boys against the greens.

If we used some people's argument of why Alicent had to fear Rhaenyra becoming queen, why can't I also point this out in reverse for Rhaenyra in the case she does hand over her boys to the greens? Situation is similar in terms of "danger", bc those boys were never doubted as trueborn and they come from the named heir. Plus Otto is the person actually running things at the Red Keep...the same guy who wanted to kill Rhaenyra and said so at the HotD episode 9 green council!

In other words, we shouldn't be saying Alicent's reasons AND way of ending a war are purely justified or good...because she's still stealing something, one of the only things Rhaenyra has had that a man is allowed in this world. If what I said abt Alicent trying to use Nymeria as a cautionary note to Rhaenyra and not something like "remember when we used to be friends?!" way.

Or it's just Otto being manipulative and Alicent never actually sent that page...I can see these writers doing that, too. Still wouldn't justify Rhaenyra's reaction.

But IDK. I wonder what others think. Would this be a better rewrite, or do you think the show already tries to convey this and it was just bad writing?

#nymeria #rhaenyra targaryen #alicent hightower #fire and blood characters #awoiaf characterization #character comparison #hotd characterization #book vs tv comparison #alicent's page #dorne #mors martell #the martells

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oxygenbefore1775 · 11 months

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how colors from aot merchandise/official illustrations somehow correspond perfectly with each of the assigned characters

aot color analysis

*disclaimer for some controversial character/ship dynamic opinions but also stupid rumblings about color analysis*

Eren - Red

Do I fucking need to say more?

It's like a flag that needs to make itself seen and aknowledged. It spells warning and danger which Eren becomes in his adult years. Red is also agression and hatred, Eren's most prominent personality traits. It's a color most commonly associated with evil and Eren was known to the outside world as Devil of Paradis. But more than anything, red is a color of blood that gets spilled wherever there's violence and slaughter - very indicative of what's become of the Continent after Eren started the Rumbling.

But it's also important to remember that Eren draws blood each time before the transformation. Red is a color of sacrifice in this sense, the passion and zeal which drives Eren to fight. As it does to all of the humanity behind the Walls. Red is a great color for banners, the ones that encourage and lead people into the battle, just like Eren's presence did. In this sense, red bears a positive connotation for Paradisians as it represents life.

And let's not forget that color red is symbolic of warmth. The scarf that Eren gave Mikasa on the day she has lost her family was red. The color is indicative of home that Mikasa found in Eren.

Mikasa - Blue

Or rather navy blue.

Although Mikasa's signature color in anime is red but blue suits her much better. She's a stark contrast to red's aggression and energy. Blue, on the other hand, conveys the same calmness and security that Mikasa does. Blue is the stability which Mikasa craves the most in her life. There's not a lot of blue in the nature (if you don't live by the sea, that is) and the only blue thing commonly available is the sky yet it still very far away and feels foreign. So in that sense, Mikasa is one of a kind on Paradis and seems foreign to other people.

Yet blue also represents sadness. It's the color of the past and serves as the constant reminder of the gone days, bearing negative connotations. Also, blue and red - even if they compliment each other in a way - still create a very strong contrast, much like Eren's resolve to move forward opposing Mikasa's desire to stay behind and not fight the fate. When there's too much of blue, it may come off as unfriendly.

Armin - Yellow

And you thought it'd be blue, huh.

Armin is more than the ocean, he is the sun itself which is represented with color yellow. Invoking a feeling of optimism, it is the literal essence of Armin who stays perseverent and keeps up his spirits in the most dire situations. Much like the sun, survival of many people depends on Armin as he mostly came up with all the battle plans that ensured Paradis' victory. Speaking of plans - yellow is the color of intelligence and "enlightement" which Armin is mostly known for.

But as much as yellow can be optimistic and invigorating, it can also induce anxiety that Armin's sometime riddled with. This color is also representative of deceit - seeing how Armin often used manipulation for his plans to succeed, it seems very fitting.

Jean - Olive Green

Sometimes he's represented through light blue but I completely do not agree with this rendition. *cracks me knuckles* Get ready for a rant on this one.

What can I not say about the color green? It's everywhere, it's the nature, it's the very essence of life, but not in the grandeous and elevated way. Green is all-enveloping but still very much grounded in reality. Just like Jean, it's the representation of practicality as it doesn't reach for the stars and doesn't chase dreams. It symbolizes reason, which is very much Jean's most prominent aspect of personality. This color is the definition and celebration of life that Jean treasures so much. Green also exhudes calming influence and promotes the making of rational decisions in the moments of mayhem - just like with Jean, who often had to take control in his hands during critical situations since he was the only one with a cool head. Besides, green means safety and stability and that where its contrast to red sets in - although Jean is not afraid of danger, he'd assess the risks of a situation beforehand, whereas Eren goes into action recklessly.

Green also has its negative sides. As much as it is realistic, it can also be overly materialistic, turning to greed, represantion of Jean's initial goals when he became a Cadet. It can also symbolize the envy - feeling that Jean often felt towards Eren.

But when it comes to Jean's green - which is olive green - out of all colors of the other characters it reminds of the scout uniform the best. His green is more strict and militaristic, as if symbolizing Jean's true vocation as a soldier and a leader.

A combination of yellow and blue, green has properties of both of those colors. But Jean's olive green seems to have more yellow, signifying the major role the reason has in his life. And, it also makes it more comparable to Armin's yellow, seeing as they have intellectual dynamic going on between them. At the same time, it lacks the calmness of the blue which corresponds with Jean's occasional hot temper and anger outbursts.

Levi - Green

Just like with Jean, Levi's green is the representation of how down-to-earth he is. He doesn't have big dreams of grandeur and his motivations are simple, straightforward and rest on his desire to defend the lives of the innocent and provide others with safety, which is also symbolized through green. It's also the color of the nature and its immortality which in a way corresponds with Levi's persistence and undying resolve in the face of countless dangers. But that, of course, also has its negative connotations since Levi continues to stand, untouched, while he has to bear witness to the deaths of his comrades.

Levi's green is also reminiscent of the cloaks that the scouts used to wear while he's the only one who still wears one. It shows his unwavering loyalty to the old ways and how he still carries the spirit of the former survey corps.

In comparison to Jean's, Levi's green is more rich and cool as it has more blue to it, which represent his self-composure but also wisdom since among other scouts he has much more experience.

Hange - Purple

Oo, this one's going to be interesting.

A mixture of blue and red, two clashing colors, purple is very unique and Hange rocks it so well. First thing first, it's a color of royalty and its authority - quite fitting, seeing as Hange was in the leading positiion as the head of the survey corp. Color purple has also always been associated with ingenious minds. Purple welcomes knowledge and anything knew really, like Hange who is eager to learn if opportunity presents itself. It also represents knowledge - not grounded in reality one, but almost extraterrestial and mysterious. This color encourages to dream of something otherwordly. Part red, it also conveys passion, mostly passion for learning so it makes sense in a way that Hange and Eren were once united over their shared passion for titan knowledge. By some accounts, purple is described to be the color of insane emotions and energy which obvioulsy calls back to Hange's vigor that can be overwhelming sometimes. But on the other side, purple also has blue, a representative of authority and security that they, no doubt, bestowed upon their comrades and friends.

#it was very impulsive writing but here you go #aot #attack on titan #aot meta #snk #shingeki no kyojin #snk meta

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anotherpapercut · 8 months

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hi more drug question

I have been told many many times that using ecstasy will basically fry your seratonin receptors so that you will never be able to feel happy again unless you are using the drug. I am assuming now that this is false but I am curious now as to how false. Is it something that CAN happen if you take too much at once or too often, or is this just random Drug Scary misinformation

Also also since wellbutrin is not an SSRI does LSD work when you are on it or does it also cancel it out

lol that's kind of an extreme version of what I usually hear! you're right that basically the answer here is no. this comes from a couple different things. first is MDMA induced serotonin toxicity, and 2nd is something called "serotonin syndrome" which is a real thing that can happen, but it's really really hard to get like this. prepare for a very long answer lmfaooo

MDMA induced serotonin toxicity occurs when you take too high doses too frequently. MDMA IS slightly neurotoxic, but so are many prescription drugs so don't let that word freak you out too much! basically MDMA works by dumping large amounts of serotonin into your brain, hence why it's the happy/love drug lol. if you take too much too often, your brain will straight up run out of serotonin. obviously that's bad! it's not as simple as "never feeling happy again" but you will essentially have depression for a bit because of lack of serotonin (on its own, low serotonin levels following modest MDMA use is not damaging and resolves within a few days) but the real problem is that if you are on MDMA with depleted serotonin, your brain will continue releasing dopamine which will attach to the serotonin receptors and damage them. this is what can cause long term depression symptoms, the damaged serotonin receptors. ultimately your brain will heal this on its own unless for some reason I guess you keep taking it a lot (which would have no effect. when you take too much MDMA your brain just runs out of serotonin to dump so like. it just won't work lol)?? it can also be treated with the supplement NAC, which I would recommend taking any time you use MDMA because of this!

to sum up MDMA toxicity: it can happen but only if you're misusing it! it's generally recommended that you dont do much more than 1 dose every 3 months or so to make sure your brain has time to reset. research interactions with anything else you're using (prescription or not), take some NAC in the weeks following a dose, drink a lot of water, keep your body temperature regular because that can worsen it, and take some antioxidants like alpha lipoic acid and grape seed oil during/immediately after taking MDMA - it's when you come down that your brain is delicate and could use the protection. also this may sound counterintuitive but weed also has antioxidant properties, so smoking it as you come down helps a lot. also if you DO have MDMA toxicity taking more MDMA will not help u feel happy unfortunately it will just make it worse lol, your brain only has so much serotonin to give

now serotonin syndrome can happen with the misuse of any drug that works on serotonin including MAOIs, SSRIs, and SNRIs, usually by taking a VERY large dose (but some people are just extremely sensitive). it usually takes care of itself eventually, but the amount of time it takes and stuff is kinda hard to pin down bc it's REALLY misunderstood and tends to be overly self diagnosed. again this is like super super hard to do. you would have to take a MASSIVE dose or mix it with other serotonin affecting drugs (ESPECIALLY MAOIs. DO NOT MIX MDMA WITH MAOI ANTI DEPRESSANTS). like 5 times the normal dose at least probably (partner is currently trying to find some literature on it so he'll add that in the replies if he finds anything interesting). it will cause things like heightened anxiety and body temperature and can cause kidney problems or seizures if it's like really bad and untreated. but you'd feel REALLY bad before it got to that point, so in general like, if you take any type of drug and feel extremely bad after go to the doctor lol. mostly this will also just heal itself; your brain is pretty resilient! again usually if this does happen it's very minor. cases bad enough to require hospitalization are exceedingly rare

to give you an example of what these can look like, I have a friend who was given about 3-4 times a regular dose by a fucking piece of shit asshole she knows and, this part is crucial, it was mixed with a very large amount of alcohol AND acid (which can slightly increase the neurotoxicity. normally not a huge issue but becomes one in circumstances like this), AND coke; like she was blackout drunk and while not on a lot of acid or coke, this is just too many things to have in your body and brain at one time. the mixture of such a large amount different drugs caused her what I'm guessing was a mild case of both of these things at once. she experienced slightly worsened depression for about 6 months after, and actually had a mild stutter for almost a year. I made sure she took some NAC and other things that aid brain healing, and she didn't try molly again for a long time to be super sure she didn't overload her brain before it was ready. this is a pretty extreme case, and even with that she has fully recovered thankfully. do NOT EVER do drugs with someone you don't trust with your life. DO NOT EVER do drugs in doses you have not confirmed for yourself to be safe and DO NOT EVER mix drugs without finding out if it's safe!!! just as a small aside though: usually taking molly and acid at the same time is perfectly safe. in fact it's called a candy flip and I HIGHLY recommend it because it's fucking awesome. again, just make sure you are taking safe doses in a safe environment

OKAY now finally your specific question about Wellbutrin: I actually take Wellbutrin so I can answer this one from personal experience! Wellbutrin should not alter the effects of LSD in any way HOWEVER! both of these drugs lower your seizure threshold! I'm on the max dose of Wellbutrin (which is the max dose BECAUSE of seizure risk) so when I plan to drop acid I usually either skip my dose entirely that day or only take half depending on how much acid I'm planning to take. because of the way Wellbutrin works, this shouldn't cause you any problems as far as that goes. for me, not taking my Wellbutrin for a day mainly has the effect of making me more fatigued, and acid counteracts that really well by making me feel very awake/aware. if you don't want to skip or halve your dose though you can also take things that will RAISE your seizure threshold. so like I sometimes will smoke hemp because CBD actually will help with that. the risk here isn't huge either way especially if you have no history of seizures, but again if it's something you're concerned about you should be just fine skipping or lowering your dose for the day. acid usually lasts about 12 hours too so i personally don't even care about skipping the Wellbutrin that much because it basically does the same thing for me. I did take my full Wellbutrin dose the last couple times I've done acid though because I was taking a very small amount of acid (about half a tab)

in summation lol sort of TLDR I generally would recommend MDMA for recreational use because the risks of damage are low and it's safe if you are safe about it. and it's honestly just a really fun one! the only negative effect I've ever felt is some emotional and physical fatigue the following day, and this is largely because of how emotional and energetic you are on it. I just make sure to have the next day off to lay around and listen to music :)

taking it with a partner or loved one will give you an especially beautiful experience, as MDMA has been proven to facilitate extremely open emotional conversations. in fact, when MDMA was first synthesized it's primary use was in psychotherapy! research was shut down during the war on drugs, but in recent studies it's demonstrated amazing abilities to treat and even straight up CURE disorders like PTSD. for a personal anecdote, my partner actually completely fucking cured his alcoholism on a combo of MDMA and whippets (nitrous oxide) lmfao. like dude straight up went from getting black out drunk multiple nights a week to drinking nothing for the past year and a half without any other treatment program. LSD has been proven to have similar incredible results with treating and curing things like depression, anxiety, PTSD and addiction and is also a very fun and very safe one.

sorry to reiterate for the billionth time lol but it's important: these drugs are safe and fun if you make sure they're safe and fun! do your research and never use in an unfamiliar environment with people you wouldn't trust in an emergency! also I know this sounds like a lot, but remember I'm giving you like the absolute safest possible practices and emphasizing sort of over cautiousness because I think it's always better to be too safe. I've taken molly without nac and I've taken kinda big doses a little closer together than I should have without any problems. there's a bit of flexibility to these guidelines, but it's always better to think of them as being rigid so you don't end up too far in the other direction. like I've said it's really really hard to do actual damage that would last more than like a day or 2 max. most of the time you'll just be sleepy the next day from all the dancing so it's nice to do it on a day 1 of a weekend. also it only lasts like a couple of hours lol so it's not your whole day or anything!

#sorry this took me like a fucking hour i kept having to check myself w my partner + google to make sure i wasnt talking out of my ass lmfao #im sure ill be rereading and editing it for the next hour as well #damn just spent like another half hour #hope this is thorough enough for ya ajdbsjhdkshdkshs #on a tangentially related note: ive been weaning myself off of my SNRI (venlafaxine/effexor) bc it didnt help at all #and made my nails extremely brittle ????? like so bad they were constantly breaking to the quick and making me bleed #so pretty soon ill be able to do acid and molly again. sweet blessed molly how ive missed you #cant believe i forgot to mention this but as another personal mdma anecdote: my partner and i started dating while candy flipping #hed been staying at my house for like 4 months at that point but we hadnt really talked about like. relationship definitions #and I was EXTREMELY nervous bc id never even like kissed someone fr before him #but the acid and ESPECIALLY the molly made talking about our feelings with each other really easy and safe feeling #we do it every once in a while as like a poor mans couples therapy lmfao. its much easier to be open and honest and vulnerable #while crucially taking down the defensive wall that can cause you to lash out and stuff #highly recommend 👍#wtiting a book called the couple that rolls together stays together. its about doing molly but also skateboarding #drug ed #i cant stop adding to this post im sorry

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shoujomangathoughts · 9 months

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Shoujo Thoughts - Angel Sanctuary

I finally completed Angel Sanctuary by Yuki Kaori. For me, it's been a long time coming, having watched the OVAs well over a year ago and reading a couple volumes last fall, to finally continuing and completing it within the last couple months. In comparison to the last series I covered (Hana Kimi), this one is a lot more fresh in my mind and honestly just denser content wise. Again, I'll be pretty light on spoilers until the character section.

To get things out of the way, yes this series touches sensitive and weird scenarios, I assume most infamous for it's incestuous relationship between Setsuna (the protagonist) and his sister Sara. This is done for several reasons that I won't really go into for sake of spoilers, but in a manga with heaven and hell and religious themes, they are condemned throughout the entire story. I never really rooted for them or considered their relationship "cute" because of the nature of their relationship always looming in the back of my mind, but the story itself consistently marks their love for each other as a huge sin so contextually it made sense. It wasn't fetishizing their relationship, rather it was a building block for the greater narrative and the result of a curse placed on Alexiel (who Setsuna is the reincarnation of). It's still admittedly weird but I was able to compartmentalize it for sake of continuing and seeing what the story built around it offered. On a whole, this story tackles many taboo or tragic relationships.

This is my first time reading something by Yuki Kaori and it certainly made a big impression. Her art is really well done and detailed, with a gothic-leaning style that at times emphasizes horror and gore. The tone of the series is pretty serious but also is well balanced with humor and lightheartedness. As someone who's not religious or overly informed, I'm sure many of the references went over my head and at times the names of the various places would be hard for me to remember. The story had a lot of twists and admittedly was pretty tragic throughout.

I enjoyed the worldbuilding as well; all three of the realms (Earth, Heaven and Hell) had interesting areas visually and the way things operated in each place was pretty well explained or shown through visual cues. The politics were easy enough to follow while still allowing twists in the plot to occur. It was interesting to see that the inhabitants of both heaven and hell were portrayed as somewhere between morally gray to straight up twisted. It made most of the characters have unique and interesting motivations. There's also a ton of different characters (with varying significance) so I'm sure any one could find several characters that they'd enjoy. Some of my favorites throughout were Kira, Kato, Hatter, Katan, Rosiel, Michael, etc. The mangaka also seemed to have no issue with killing a character off which made it anxiety-inducing for me at times when a character I liked seemed to be in danger because I stopped doubting that she would really kill them off.

I would say my favorite arcs were the Hades arc and the Hell arc, I really enjoyed the look of these places as well as the pacing. Kato was one of my favorite characters so it was nice to see the parts that had a larger focus on him as well as the beginning of Setsuna realizing the possible flaws of his recklessness. Hatter was also a pretty twisted character that made for an interesting arc with a lot of great imagery (the parts with Kurai specifically had nice visuals). I found the story overall to be a interesting fantasy epic that covers a lot of ground. In fact, I feel as though this one would be good to reread at some point to help absorb all the content.

Favorite character (contains spoilers) : Kira

Kira was the character that I found most interesting throughout. He was pretty layered due to his tragic past and all the suffering he went through, which made it hard to tell what his actual motivations were or if he truly meant some of the things he'd say (even when it seemed like he didn't). He was an emotional support for Setsuna (presented as a lot more mature than Setsuna), and it seems like he struggled for a while about whether he was actually attached to Setsuna or just there for him because of his affection for Alexiel, who he has always been chasing. Kira however is also a reincarnation of Lucifer, which creates a lot of issues later on (ruthless murder, seeming betrayal, etc.). Overall, he was the character I would get most excited about seeing because it was hard to tell where his character arc would lead him.

//Sidenote// I found the little sidebar comments from the mangaka in this series amusing. She would say things like "Sorry I killed this character but I wasn't really fond of them" or "Yes this character was specifically created to later die so sorry if you got attached", etc. I had to hunt this sidebar down because I remember finding it funny how she described this ("kind of a gay and dark, perverted story"). Were these characters ever used? I have no idea but it made me laugh.

#shoujo #angel sanctuary #kaori yuki #manga #tenshi kinryoku #dark fantasy

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ageofhearingloss · 1 year

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Who Are You Now Pt. 3 ⎮Danny Wagner x Reader

A/N: hiiii my lovey doves! i just wanted to say a huge gimongous thank you for all of the recent love on this series; it means way more than you could ever possibly know and you all are so near and dear to my heart!! part 3 is here, finally! there's still quite a lot of angst, but this time there's more gratification ;) this chapter contains explicit sexual content so GO AWAY if you are a minor! please! (also there's a silly little jab at king dave welcsh but don't get it twisted, i love him and ttwf more than life itself so it's all in good fun)

this very special chapter is dedicated to a very special POPPY!!! americas sweetheart @gold-mines-melting may or may not make an appearance in this part, you're just gonna have to read to find out!

(pssst, read part 2 first)

pairing: danny wagner x female!reader

warnings: angst, alcohol consumption, brief mentions of smoking, 18+ GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT, minors DNI!! shoo shoo!! unprotected sex (please be safe, yall!), language, dirty talk, choking and a little breath play, fingering (fem receiving), slight degradation, spitting, some playful hitting, and i thiiiink that's it but please please please tell me if i forgot something

word count: ~11k (so sorry)

summary: you and your best friend have just moved to a new city and spontaneously meet a group of handsome young strangers during a night out. you hit it off with one of them in particular, but are left wondering if you are just friends or if there’s something more on the horizon.

The passage of time was completely lost to you as you sat atop a stool at your kitchen island. How long had you been sitting there? Minutes? Hours? Right now, your brain only knew two things: Danny had kissed you, and he left you without saying a word. Your heart took up residence in your stomach and your palms were slick with sweat. Questions running marathons through your mind. Not being able to complete one thought before a new, louder one interrupted.

This is exactly what I wanted, so why am I freaking out?

You cradled your head in your hands as you rested your elbows on the cool countertop, digging your palms into your eye-sockets as you tried desperately to settle the butterflies flitting around your gut. The kiss had been showstopping, akin to ones you watched on the television when you were younger causing you to dream of the love you would have once you were all grown up. Thinking about his fingers running through your hair, breath warm against your mouth, it sent you tumbling further into the pit of anxiety-induced nausea.

You vaguely heard the front door open and slam, knowing Natalie and Jake were returning with breakfast in tow, but you couldn’t bring yourself to greet them with your usual cheery persona.

“Y/n!” Natalie sang from the entryway, “Did you know Jake wears prescription sunglasses? That’s why he wears them inside! I always thought he was just a prick-”

“Nat, that’s a trade secret!” he called after her, his tone full of scolding sarcasm.

They bumbled into the kitchen, Jake carrying a tray of four coffees (one for Dan if he still happened to be at your place), Nat clutching a giant brown paper bag filled with bagels, the early morning excitement filling the air until her eyes landed on you.

“Oh, shit.” Jake watched her halt in the middle of the kitchen, her mood falling immediately, as he slowly shifted his eyes from her to where you sat.

“Damn…”

You lifted your head to take them both in, face flushed and eyes wide with panic.

“Honey, what happened?” Nat set the bagels onto the island in front of her, shifting to take the coffee from Jake’s clutches before climbing into the bar stool next to you. She began rubbing reassuring circles into your back as you let your head fall into your hands once more, shooting her eyes between Jake and the stairs, a silent request for him to give you two some privacy. He nodded his understanding, giving you a quick sympathetic glance that you were unaware of.

“I’m, uh, gonna go take a shower,” he announced. “Holler if you need me.”

The stair creaked underneath his feet, indication that he was no longer in the room and with that, you lifted your head once again to meet Nat’s gaze.

“That bad, huh?”

“Not even!” Your arms shot up in exclamation, causing her hand to retreat from your back. “I mean, I don’t even know!”

She waited patiently for further explanation.

“Nat… he fucking kissed me.”

A giant smile of delight made its way to her face as she clapped her hands together, but it was lost all too soon when she realized there was no chance of you celebrating alongside her.

“Okay… so why is this a bad thing? Isn’t this what you wanted?”

You shifted on your stool to directly face her and let a controlled sigh leave your lungs. The first steady breath you’ve managed since the entryway fiasco.

“Of course it’s what I want, it’s just… We were gonna talk and then he had to go to work so there was no time and-” you closed your eyes in an attempt to unscramble your thoughts, “He kissed me and then just left without saying a single thing.”

“He left?”

You nodded, explaining the whole scenario to your best friend. She listened intently, asking appropriate questions here and there, offering her sage wisdom to help talk you through it. She advised that even though the ball is technically still in his court, that perhaps you should take initiative and be the one to reach out to him. “If you don’t, who knows how much longer you’ll be waiting. Lord knows he’s made you wait long enough.” Of course, she was right. But your stomach churned at the thought of now having to confront the kiss he bestowed upon you on top of the conversation you were already planning to have.

The conversation you two were having had drifted to a completely separate topic; you and Nat were able to talk about anything and everything. You were just beginning to feel better, the latte beginning to wake you up from your mostly sleepless night, as your phone began vibrating on the counter next to the stove. You leaped off your stool instantaneously and grabbed your phone to check the caller ID.

Daniel.

“Oh fuck,” you whispered, “it’s Dan. What the fuck do I do?”

“Answer it! Maybe he wants to talk!”

Your hand was shaking, palms impossibly sweatier than they had been before as you swiped a finger across the screen.

“Hey, Dan-”

“Hey angel, I don’t have a ton of time, I’m just pulling up to the shop-”

“Angel?” You blinked.

You were met with silence from the other end.

“Sorry... I- I just forgot to mention earlier that tonight is Dave’s release show for the band's EP. We’re all on the guest list, including Nat. I’ll send you money for an Uber, and text you the address of the venue once I get inside the shop. Just meet us there at 7.”

You couldn’t believe these were the words that were being spoken to you. Was this not the man who had slammed you against the wall and devoured you not even an hour ago?

“Uh, yeah okay. That sounds good. Anything specific I should wear?” The boys very frequently collaborated on their outfits when you all went out together, and more often than not, you and Nat were the outliers of whatever vibe they were trying to go for that night.

“You look good in anything, so I’m sure whatever you pick out will be great.”

Your brain was cursing your heart as you tried to fight the smile creeping across your face.

“I gotta run though, I’m already a little late. I’ll see you later tonight! Bye, y/n.”

Before you could say your goodbye in its entirety, the line disconnected. You pulled your phone away from your ear, mouth slightly agape as you cartoonishly blinked at Natalie, unable to form words for a couple moments.

“Looks like we’re going to a show tonight.”

~~~~~~

“So he really didn’t mention the kiss?” Nat called from the bathroom, putting the finishing touches on her effortlessly beachy waves.

“Not a peep.”

Sat in front of your vanity in your bedroom, you were finalizing your look, too. Your own hair sat high atop your head in a loose, messy bun, not having it in you to be bothered to do something special with it. You pulled out a few tendrils to frame your face, and then applied a quick coat of mascara. The look for tonight was minimal; you knew you’d be out late, and you wanted to save your future self from the trouble of trying to scrub off a full face of makeup at 4am.

Getting ready to go out was a therapeutic experience for you and Nat; the two of you would even go far enough to say that it was more fun than the night out itself. A cheap beer was sweating rings onto the top of your vanity, and even though the music was blasting through the halls of your apartment, you could still hear Nat singing to herself from the bathroom. You had nearly forgotten the stress you had been under only hours prior, and you were eternally grateful. After all, tonight was a big night for Dave and his buddies, and you wanted to be a supportive friend. That wouldn’t be possible if your head was drowning in thoughts of Daniel.

“You sure this looks okay?”

Nat appeared in the doorway of your bedroom, hair cascading over her shoulders and down her back in long, loose tendrils. She wore a black denim dress that was perfect for any occasion paired with her trusty set of Doc Martens. You turned your body to look her way, already nodding enthusiastically before your gaze fully fell on her. After volleying a variety of comments back and forth, ensuring that the other looked great and didn’t need to change, you stood from the vanity and smoothed your dress. You decided on a deep red slip dress; it was loose and didn’t cling to your curves, but left your arms and legs exposed; you didn’t know if dancing would be a part of the night's festivities, but you wanted to wear something that’d be appropriate, just in case.

Walking over to your closet, you pulled on an old pair of tall, beat up cowboy boots. The mockery never ceased whenever you wore them, but you’d be damned if you weren’t going to seize the opportunity now that you lived in a climate where they were part of everyday attire. Nat peeked into the closet as you slid them on, snickering before you threw her a warning glare, shrugging a simple bag over your shoulder.

“Ready?” you questioned.

She beamed, “Ready. The Uber’s gonna be here in a couple minutes.”

~~~~~~

You’d be lying if you said that your nerves hadn’t made their reappearance on the drive to the concert. You had kept a short leash on your brain, not allowing it to wander too far, but now you were worried about seeing Dan after what happened this morning; would he acknowledge it? Ignore it? Worst of all, was he going to act weird? Thankfully, you ran out of time to let yourself begin to question how the night would unfold as the car screeched to a halt at the curb in front of the venue, seeing that your four men, and a mystery woman, were waiting patiently for you outside of the front doors. You studied the woman briefly before getting out of the car; she was stunningly beautiful, coffee-colored hair and piercing green eyes, her features nearly feline. She was chatting away with the twins, bubbly, outspoken, and invested in the conversation with genuine interest.

She has that same warming smile Josh has.

Adjusting the silk of your dress, you climbed out of the car, taking a deep breath before stepping to the side to leave enough room for Natalie to get out. It was Sam who recognized your presence first, that goofy grin of his displayed on his face as he began sauntering over to you, causing his brothers to turn and follow suit.

“Oh mama, you look great!” Josh exclaimed once he was in front of you, grabbing your hand while lifting his arm up to give you a little twirl. Every ounce of stress and anxiety you were feeling in the car instantly seeped away from your muscles once you stood in front of your friends. Jake had immediately flung his arm around Nat’s waist to pull her in for a quick kiss, and after you said hi to him and Sam and were out of Josh’s clutches, you let yourself finally look at Dan. His eyes were twinkling and smile shining bright, exactly how you always remembered him from the very first night you met. He sidestepped around Josh and pulled you into a tight hug, hands slightly bunching the material of your dress around your waist. Breathing in the musky scent of him helped focus your thoughts, reminding you that you had nothing to worry about. After all, he was one of your closest friends, and it’d take more than a kiss to mess that up. You’d decided that tonight would not be the appropriate time to talk about what transpired that morning, and with that you were determined to have a good time. If Daniel wanted to bring up the kiss, so be it, but you did not want to ruin an otherwise celebratory night with a conversation that had the potential to end in catastrophe.

Once you pulled out of his arms, you made your way over to meet the girl that was at Josh’s side. She was already beaming at you, and you couldn’t help but return it, finding that not only her smile was similar to Josh’s, but she had an equally inviting aura. Josh was speaking before you had the chance to let words fly.

“Y/n! I want you to meet someone-” he was interrupted by a playful nudge to his shoulder, the girl chuckling beside him.

“Ever the gentleman,” she grinned as she stuck her hand out past him. “I’m Poppy.”

You clasped her hand between yours without a second thought, “I’m y/n.” You shook it gently before playfully asking, “So you’re with Josh?”

“That’s right, mama,” Josh cut in, throwing his arm around her shoulder and placing a chaste kiss to her temple, “you snooze, you lose.” You rolled your eyes and laughed at his comment as he punctuated his words with a wink.

“Where’s he been hiding you away all this time?” You returned your attention back to Poppy who remained snug under his arm. She explained that she and Josh have known each other since high school, but had both gone separate ways for college only to have found each other again in the city of music. You learned she was also a musician, traveling around with numerous bands whenever any of them needed a resident saxophonist. “I just got back from a long stretch of touring a couple days ago,” she nodded thoughtfully, “I love it, but I am so happy to be home. Josh has told me a lot about all of you and I’m excited to finally meet everybody for myself.”

Greetings began to die down, Natalie and Poppy immediately bonding over their affinity for the twins, and soon you were being corralled inside by an anxious Daniel who informed you the show would be starting momentarily.

The venue was stunning and cozy; an inviting environment that hosted the most talented up-and-coming musicians Nashville had to offer. Your little posse found a comfortable patch of standing room to the left of the stage, Sam insisting that you all didn’t drift too far from the bar (“I really hate spilling my beer on myself when I try to get back to my spot”).

The house lights faded to black just a minute later. Dan stood close to your side, whispering to you the names of the band members as they made their way on stage. Of course you knew Dave, but he identified Alex as the guitarist, Chris on drums, and Kyle playing the bass. You nodded your understanding, trying to focus on the words he was saying rather than the sensation of his breath hot against the shell of your ear; it was going to be a very long night if you couldn’t get your emotions under control. But instead of trying to stuff your feelings down like you had been for months now, you let yourself be distracted by Dave’s voice, losing yourself to the music.

~~~~~~

He was mesmerized by the way you moved. He’s watched you dance plenty of times before, but the way your body moved always had the ability to steal the air clean from his lungs. The way you let your eyes fall closed and the sway of your hips. How your dress would ride up ever so slightly whenever you lifted your arms. The lights faintly glittering off the sheen of the gloss that painted your lips. The lips that he had finally pressed his own to that morning.

The guilt he felt for ignoring the show was only slight; he was too entranced by you, and he could not stop from slotting an arm around your waist, letting himself sway along with you. When you felt his firm hold around you, you fluttered your eyes open and lifted your chin to give him a smile that set his skin aflame. The tilt of your lips made him realize that he would level the earth for just a chance to experience that smile again, and knowing that he was the recipient of such angelic beauty made his heart jump to his throat. He retreated his hand only to turn his attention to your hair, to the messy bun adorning it. Selfishly, he wanted to see the way your waves danced down your back and how they would sway in time with your movements, so with one fluid motion, he gently pulled the elastic from your hair, letting it fall around your shoulders before he smoothed it out, letting pieces fall to frame your face.

“What’d you do that for?” You questioned with raised eyebrows, just loud enough for him to hear above the music.

Ever quick on his feet, Danny began gathering his own hair high atop his head, securing it with the tie that he had taken from you, “I was getting warm, the hair had to go up.”

A smirk played on your lips, somehow seeing right through his excuse, but let him off the hook as you grabbed his arm, using it as leverage to reach up and whisper in his ear, “So, these guys are essentially a 1975 tribute band?”

You were driving him mad. The scent of your woodsy cologne caused the hair on his arms to stand up on end, throat bobbing as he leaned down to retort, “Don’t tell Dave that, it’d go straight to his head.”

Your head lulled back with the sound of a laugh, eyes crinkling at the corners as you let go of Dan's arm, returning your attention to the band as another song climbed to its peak.

With great effort, he finally peeled himself away to glance around at the others in the audience and just as he suspected, he wasn’t the only one enamored with you. He caught the eyes of those who were ogling a little too much, giving them a territorial glare that caused them to embarrassingly return their gaze forward. As much as he loved to show you off, you were his, whether you knew so or not. The way he was indulging in the sight of you felt nearly sinful, but he refused to let the moment go to waste and took inventory of every lock of hair, every freckle, every dimple, committing it all to memory.

Dave’s voice rang in his ears as he returned his attention to the stage,

Take time to figure it out, I love you when I’m honest…

~~~~~~

“Oh my god, y/n! Natalie!” Dave called as he rushed into the mostly vacant house of the venue, the rest of the band trailing hot on his heels. “I’m so happy you guys could make it!” He pulled you two into a simultaneous hug, his hair and chest damp with the sweat he shed on stage.

“You guys were incredible, congrats on the release!” Natalie beamed, your group adding their agreements and affirmations alongside her.

Danny had moved to stand beside you, casually throwing his arm around your shoulders like he had done countless times before as you all chattered in excitement together. Sam and Kyle had drifted to get one more drink, Sam animatedly asking the bassist about some of the riffs he played on stage. At this point in the night, you were completely relaxed, content to be with your friends, old and new, and celebrating such a great accomplishment together.

“Oh shit, let me introduce you guys, sorry,” Dave said in a hurry, gathering up Alex and Chris, leaving Kyle in Sam's clutches. He introduced you to them, you eagerly shaking their hands and making small talk. Chris kept catching your eye, his smile gleaming in the light reflecting off of it. Alex was occupied talking to Poppy and Natalie, asking them questions about where they were from and what music they were into, as Chris directed his attention back to you and Dan, still snug at your side.

“You two look good together,” he grinned at you, “I didn’t know Dan was seeing anybody.”

A blush crept to your cheeks but before you could think of a response, Dan was already on it.

“I’m not,” he replied flatly. “We’re just friends.”

What?

You thought you were blacking out considering how quiet it suddenly got around you, but rather your friends had stopped their conversations once they heard those words leave Daniel’s mouth. Sure, neither of you had any time to talk about what you meant to each other, and saying that you were just friends saved everyone involved from a long, awkward explanation, but he could have just left it that you two were not a couple.

There was a period of charged silence, as if your thoughts were painted above your head in bright, neon lettering for all to read. That familiar rush of rage flooded your system, the feeling that you had tried so hard to quell during your movie night the evening prior. You were back to square one; you needed to talk to Danny. The show was over. You’d find a quiet place in the bar where you all were headed to finally say your piece. Glancing down at your shoes, you could feel their eyes on you. Could feel the weight of words unsaid. But thankfully, Chris soon rolled off Dan’s words with a nonchalant “Oh, my bad. Well maybe you two should be.” He waved off the comment dismissively and joined the rest of the group standing behind you two; it was clear the conversation had died right then and there and it was time to head to the “real party,” as Jake called it.

The group divided up as you headed to the bar; you insisted that you, Natalie, Poppy, and Josh shared a ride while the others found their own way there. Josh put up no fight leaving his brothers, explaining that he hardly got a second away from them anyways. You needed a slight reprieve from everyone, knowing that these three were the ones who would not contribute more to the irritation that was present in your mood. Nat kept close to your side; she knew better than to mention what had been said, but offered her comfort in the source of her presence, something that soothed you no matter what. You assumed Josh had filled Poppy in, for she gave you a sympathetic smile that suggested she knew all too well what you were feeling. You made a mental note to have a stern talk with Josh later about if he ever fucked anything up with Poppy, you’d mount him over your fireplace.

You sat in the front seat of the car, letting the other three babble away as you glared out the window, eyes chasing the passing cars. If you were honest with yourself, you wanted to go home. It seemed like impending doom awaited you at the bar, and you weren’t sure if you were prepared to handle it. But you knew the option of making a swift exit was long gone, so you decided that you’d attempt to let a couple drinks melt away your nerves. If not, they’d at least serve as liquid courage for you to face your fears.

“You gonna stay here all night, or come with us?” Josh clapped his hand on your arm, pulling you from your thoughts with a knowing smile as you glanced at him over your shoulder. You nodded, your smile not reaching your eyes, and then turned to step out of the car, unsure about where your night was headed.

~~~~~~

Thankfully, the night had unfolded similarly to any other. You found yourself in a seedy bar surrounded by your favorite people, drinks flowing freely and conversation light and easy. The bar the band had chosen had a variety of games; dart boards lined the walls and one lone ping-pong table stood in the corner, highlighted by a flickering stained glass lamp hanging from the ceiling. Josh and Poppy had made their way over to it early in the night, their competitive streaks equally matched as you all watched a tournament unfold. They had remained there all night, heated words spewing back and forth and sweat dripping from their foreheads. The rest of you took turns refilling their drinks when one of you noticed they were low, all of you beyond amused by the unbelievable seriousness they both shared when it came to the tabletop sport.

The other nine of you drifted towards one of the many dart boards, laughing and yelling more than throwing many darts. Sam had the worst aim any of you had ever seen, causing flowery insults to fly amongst the brothers. Everything felt great, normal even, except for the fact that Dan seemed to be avoiding you. He was conservative with his words, his touches, conversing with Dave and Sam much more than you, but tried to convince yourself that you were fine with it.

At the beginning of the night, his lack of attention made your heart pang with a hint of sadness; now after a few drinks, it felt like a game. You rarely instigated; you thought these petty games were childish and never helped the issue at hand, but you couldn’t stop yourself tonight. He would talk to you, and you were determined to make sure of that. Your plan was simple: jealousy.

You latched onto Chris for the night; he was charming, easy-going, and possessed a smile that lit up the whole room. The two of you hit it off swimmingly, finding out you had plenty in common with each other and feeling delighted in his company. You hated that your intention was double-edged; you did want to get to know Chris better, but you were also too aware of Daniel’s stare burning through the back of your head.

It’s working.

To deepen the blow, you agreed to be on Chris’ team for darts, Danny looking confused since the two of you were always a pair when it came to teaming up against others. You answered his expression with a wink of your own, turning your attention back to Chris as he began his throws. You put on your best show, widening your eyes just a smidge, being a hint more bubbly and giggly, things that would fall unnoticed by the rest of the crowd but not by the one person you wanted to realize.

Once your points hit zero, Chris landing a double and winning you both the game, you threw your arms around his neck excitedly, him twirling you around in celebration. Jake and Natalie cursed their loss as Chris returned you to your feet, Sam already picking teams for the next round, securing Dan for himself.

“Actually, guys, I’m gonna step out for a smoke.” His voice was jarring, considering you’d hardly heard it all night. “Daniel, you hardly smoke,” Sam complained, knowing his so-called dart partner was a great throw. “Come with me, y/n.” You spun to see Dan standing close behind you, his expression undeniably serious as he tenderly grabbed you by your hand. He swiftly led you away from the group before you could object, only having a quick moment to throw Natalie a glance of confusion as you grew farther away, soon enveloped by the sea of other bar patrons.

~~~~~~

“Dan- Dan! What are you doing?”

“Just.. come on,” he said through gritted teeth, the gentle hand he had previously offered you now a vise-like grip wrapped around your wrist.

You were on his heels heading through the boisterous crowd at the bar, and realized quickly that you were not heading towards the front door where you were told you’d be going. He had informed the group that you two were going out for a smoke, but with how he was holding you paired with the alarming speed he was ushering you through the crowd, you knew that was the last place you were going.

Oh, he’s pissed.

You’ve rarely seen Danny upset, but when you had, it was frightening. His eyes were burning, all playfulness and serenity stripped from his demeanor. Only dominant fury raged through his system, and that is exactly what you wanted. You smiled to yourself even though you knew you were in deep shit, never have been on the receiving end of his anger. Your plan of riling him up played out perfectly, but now the steam that you swore was radiating off of his head had you questioning otherwise. Did you push him too far?

He pulled you towards a set of stairs that led down to where the bathrooms were located and your stomach twisted. You hesitated slightly in defiance but was matched with a quick tug on your wrist, signifying that you needed to continue moving. With that, you gave up the fight, following him down the dimly lit staircase, nearly tripping over your own feet in the process. Landing at the bottom, you watched Dan frantically look down the hall, illuminated by dingy lights and neon signs, only to see that there were plenty of people in line for both single stall bathrooms. He cursed under his breath, hand still wrapped around your wrist, and hauled you past the lines of curious onlookers. His stare was unbelievably dark, all caramel drained from his irises. And it excited you beyond belief.

You knew what this looked like, the two of you running hand-in-hand to find a private place, and thinking about it caused a pink flush to grace your cheeks, but beyond that, you couldn’t find it in you to care. The lingering effects of the alcohol (albeit you were feeling pretty sober by this point in the night), the adrenaline from the show, all of it made you more eager to be with him. You let your gaze fall onto his back, your hair falling slightly to shield your face from any bystanders as you raced past them. The end of the hallway veered right, and soon you were thankfully out of the line of sight from others. You couldn’t fight the faint smile that graced your lips as he pulled you to every doorway lining the hall, checking the door handles with the hand that wasn’t chained to you. Most were locked or marked “Employee Only,” but soon he found a supply closet that allowed him to enter.

Dan yanked you into the closet causing you to stumble forward over your feet and by the time you caught your balance, he had already shut and locked the door from the inside. You stood in the center of the room, cramped and damp with the smell of wet mops and bleach. Switching on the light via the string hanging from the ceiling, you finally turned towards Dan who was now leaning his back against the locked door.

You stared in silence at each other for what felt like minutes, your arms crossed over your chest as you watched his gaze never lighten. He was the picture of stoic beauty, even if his expression should have sent you running for the hills.

As much as you were hoping for him to break the silence, you decided it was time to end your standoff.

“So… what?”

“You know what, y/n, don’t play fucking dumb.”

This is going to be fun.

“I really don’t know what you’re talking about, care to enlighten me?”

He shoved off the wall, stalking towards you with lion-like movements. His eyes hadn’t left yours since you entered the dim room, and usually this extended period of eye contact would make you shy away, but right now it was only contributing to the pool of wetness you could feel collecting between your thighs.

“Why were you flirting with Chris?”

“Who said I was flirting?” He stood directly in front of you now, and you lifted your chin slightly in defiance as your eyes seared into his. “And why do you even care since we’re “just friends.””

He took one more step closer, pressing his torso against your crossed arms.

“Oh, sweetheart,” he started condescendingly, “You think I can’t tell when you’re flirting? When you’re all hot and bothered?” His eyes flickered to your lips as he spoke, wetting his own with his tongue.

Watching his movements caused you to clench your thighs together in search of any hint of friction or relief, and even though you tried your hardest to be subtle, his eyes shot down to note your fidgeting. Only then did a lupin smirk appear on his face.

He slowly dragged his eyes up your body, lingering on every curve, to meet your stare again, bringing a hand to grip your jaw as he tutted at you in disapproval.

“You’ve been playing with me all night, haven’t you, angel?” His hand on your jaw tightened as he tilted your head back slightly, bringing his lips inches away from yours.

He says that as if he hasn’t been playing with me for months.

You dropped your arms away from your chest as you backed away out of his grip, your own face falling as you watched his eyes flit between yours in a hint of concern and confusion. His arrogant smirk was wiped clean off his face.

“You think I’m playing with you? Are you going to tell me what the hell you’ve been doing for the past couple months?” Your eyebrows shot up in question as your breath quickened. Yes, you were toying with him tonight, but only in retaliation for his actions towards you.

“I feel like I’ve been going crazy thinking about all the times you’ve led me to believe that this,” you motioned between your bodies, “that we were something more, but it’s always radio silence from you.” Your hands were balled into fists at your sides, tears threatening to breach your eyes. “Did this morning not mean anything to you? I’ve been racking my brain all day as to what I could’ve done to make you act like it didn’t happen.” You dropped your chin to your chest now, forcing back the tears that you refused to let fall. “I just don’t get why you haven’t said anything.”

You were expecting his tone to shift, for him to comfort you like you were used to, but instead he reciprocated your frustration.

“Why I haven’t said anything?” His back straightened as his eyes widened in shock. “Why haven’t you said something? I thought it was very clear that the ball was in your court. I fucking kissed you for god’s sake! How can you say it meant nothing to me?”

You darted your head back up to look at him. “You’re kidding, right? The pet names, your “friendly” touches, that one night at Jake’s,” you spat at him. “The fucking kiss? You initiate these things and then leave me in the dark immediately after! What the fuck am I supposed to think?”

He was struck speechless for a moment, his eyes softening ever so slightly as he stepped forward to close the distance you had put between you two.

His voice shifted to a domineering whisper, “I’m fucking scared, y/n, is that what you want to hear?” Even though his voice was softer, his mood hadn’t changed. “I know how I feel about you, and I’ve known it since the first night at Mickey’s. I waited until I knew my feelings were true, but I fucked it up along the way.” He dropped his forehead to yours and allowed his eyes to close. “I’m terrified to lose you, to do something-”

“Just fucking do anything, Daniel,” your voice at full volume. You were growing impatient and increasingly more upset by his confession. “I’m sick of waiting around for you to decide what you want from me.”

He lifted his head back up, his expression telling you that he was taken aback by your tone. You two stood and stared at each other for another long moment, storm clouds of tension swirling around the room.

He moved to grip your jaw like he had minutes before, “Do anything?” The fire in his eyes returned although there was a new glint of mischievous darkness.

“Please.” Your voice came out as a shallow whisper.

“Be careful what you wish for, angel.”

With that, he crashed his lips into yours, slowly backing you up against the far wall of the closet, never breaking contact the entire way there. Your back finally hit the cold concrete with a slight thud, the pressure of his weight against you caused a faint whimper to escape your throat. It was quiet enough that you were sure he didn’t hear it, but his chuckle against your lips confirmed that he knew just how badly he was riling you up. He let go of his grip on your chin in favor of snaking both of his hands into your hair, similarly to what he had done this morning.

Unlike this morning, however, it was you who was fighting for dominance. You intertwined your arms behind his neck, bringing him as close to you as possible as you lightly swiped your tongue against his lips, a silent demand for him to open for you. He gave you access for a split second, letting you fall into a false sense of control, before giving your hair a sharp yank that snapped your head back, causing you to completely fall open to him instead. Holding your hair in his fists, he pulled back from your mouth, looking at your already kiss-swollen lips and smudged mascara. Your jaw was slack as you gazed down the tip of your nose at him, chest heaving in a desperate attempt to get any air to your lungs.

This side of Daniel was new territory for you; he had never given you the impression that he had a dominant streak, although you did realize that his brothers often fell in line whenever he commanded them to. It excited you beyond comprehension, knowing that you were still learning new things about the man you’ve spent so much time with.

His hand lightly gripping your throat was what pulled you back from your thoughts and forced you to him. He squeezed the sides of your neck, still allowing you enough room to breathe, while his other hand left the back of your head and started roaming up and down your curves at an agonizing pace.

It was killing you how slowly he was moving. In hopes to relay that message to him, you daringly ground yourself against his body, feeling that his cock was undeniably hard and straining against his jeans, but you were quickly met with a firm squeeze on your hip, pressing you back into the wall. He tutted at you for the second time tonight, shaking his head in disappointment.

“Who knew my sweet girl was so greedy…”

You gave him a set of award-winning doe eyes as both his hold on your throat and your hip tightened, causing him to let loose a shaky breath as you batted your eyelashes. The hand on your hip began traveling down your thigh and underneath your dress, moving dangerously close to where you needed him the most. Your breath hitched in anticipation as he snapped the elastic of your thong, earning you a dark chuckle in return. Dan leaned in next to your ear as his fingers danced along the waistband of your underwear. “Can I touch you?” he whispered, barely loud enough for you to hear. In that moment, he was the soft, caring Daniel you knew, making sure that you felt comfortable in your current situation. His shifts between light and dark sent you reeling, and you were certain you felt droplets of your arousal run down your inner thigh.

Dan withdrew his head from the side of your face as you quickly nodded your approval, not worried if you looked too eager.

“Words, angel. Let me hear what you want.” His grip loosened to grant you the ability to speak clearly and your words tumbled immediately from your lips in a hurried slur.

“You, Dan. Please,” you writhed against his fingers, begging him to venture lower, “I want you.”

The second the words left your mouth, his fingers dug into the sides of your neck once more, somewhat restricting your airflow. He decided to show you an ounce of mercy, letting his index finger trail just below your navel, making you shudder. Your head attempted to fall forward to your chest, despite his restraints, as you felt him trace over your clothed core, ghosting circles right around your clit. No matter what situation the both of you were in, he still insisted on messing with you.

You hissed through your teeth as he pulled your panties to the side, cool air hitting your throbbing heat as he began swiping two of his fingers through your folds.

“Fuck- Jesus Christ, angel, you’re soaked,” he whispered mostly to himself as he directed his gaze down to watch his fingers at work. Somewhere along the way, your dress had been hiked up around your waist, allowing you both front row seats to watch what he was doing. After gliding through your folds and swirling around your clit a couple times, he began teasing your entrance, gathering as much of your slick as he possibly could on his fingers. You groaned when you felt his fingers retreat, only to see him bring his hand up between both of your faces so you could marvel at his handiwork.

“Absolutely filthy,” he glanced from his fingers into your half-lidded eyes with a devilish smirk splayed wide across his mouth. His words could have made you come on the spot; you were not prepared for him to be this vocal- this morning he remained completely silent. But damn, were his words a treat for you to hear. You watched with rapt attention as his fingers glistened, hardly realizing that his other hand had left your throat and traveled up to grip your jaw. He forced your eyes back to his with a tight squeeze on your cheeks. Eyes burning into yours, he brought his fingers to his mouth and slowly licked you off of them, savoring the taste with a satisfied hum. His tongue curling around his digits gave you a clear glimpse as to what he would be able to do if his head was buried between your legs instead.

He pulled his fingers away from his mouth and brought them to yours, resting the pads of his fingertips against your bottom lip. “Open up,” he said, accompanied by another sharp clench around your jaw. Your mouth fell open instantaneously as he rested his fingers along the top of your tongue, and you unabashedly sucked them into your mouth, eyes never leaving his.

“How do we taste together, hm?” His eyelids fluttered at how warm your mouth felt, but he couldn’t bring himself to miss the chance of watching his fingers pump in and out of you. “You’re even sweeter than I imagined you’d be.”

Slowly withdrawing his fingers, you hollowed out your cheeks around them, causing him to curse under his breath. You didn’t dare let your eyes drift closed either as he brought his slippery fingers back down to your clit, the pressure featherlight and mind-numbing. Once again, you pushed yourself against his hand, needing more. Every nerve-ending in your body was burning with white hot flame and he knew it, too; this is exactly how he hoped you would respond to him, and he was determined to take his time with you and draw this pivotal moment out for as long as he possibly could.

This man is going to be the death of me.

You finally relinquished any control you had over your body and allowed your eyes to close, your head tilting back against the concrete wall as you felt him glide one finger inside of you, exhaling a breath that you hadn’t realized you’d been holding. He stilled inside you, scanning your face, amused with how you looked in your already fucked-out state. He admired your beauty: how your lips were still glistening from his fingers, how your eyeliner had drifted to shadow beneath your eyes, how your hair was a tangled mess falling over your shoulders. You were a masterpiece, and he was hell-bent on making sure that you were his and only his for the foreseeable future.

You grew impatient with his finger laying dormant inside of you, so you forced your eyes open to find him staring at you. Once he was caught, he flashed you a cheeky grin and a cocked eyebrow, “Hi, doll,” knowing damn well that you were growing tired of his teasing.

“Please,” you begged again.

He loved making you writhe in his grasp.

“Shit, you sound so pretty when you beg. Please what?”

You brought your hand to cup his length still confined in his pants, and the feeling of him twitching against your fingers brought an entire swarm of butterflies to your stomach. He groaned at the contact, quickly trailing his eyes to see where you were grasping him. You made quick work of popping the button of his jeans loose, tugging the zipper down before his hand left your throat and traveled down to grip your wrist, halting your movements.

“As much as I want your hands on me, angel, we’re taking care of you right now.”

“Danny, I need more. Please, let me have it,” you clenched around his digit that still sat inside you, causing a shudder to ripple through him. If you had been in your right mind, watching him shake would have brought a smile to your face. But right now, all it did was send another flood of wetness to your core.

“Only good girls get what they want, angel, and you’ve been anything but good tonight.”

Your eyes shifted to him as you gazed through your lashes once more, praying to any god out there that he would drop the act and give you what you needed.

“That's not true,” you mumbled out, your voice still hoarse from the hand that was previously around your throat. He brought your hand away from his cock and returned it to your side as he leaned into the crook of your neck, breath hot against your skin.

“Agree to disagree, but why don’t you stop being a selfish brat and show me just how good you can be instead.” He punctuated his words with a sudden curl of his finger, the tip of it tickling that sweet spot deep inside you. You gasped, head falling back again as your mouth hung agape, wondering to yourself if you’ve ever been this turned on in your life. You knew this was a high that you would be chasing for the rest of your life.

His unoccupied hand began trailing up your body, pausing momentarily at your chest to swipe his thumb over your peaked nipple, and then moved on to return it to its rightful place around your neck. You were seeing stars already, that familiar elastic band of pleasure in your lower abdomen threatening to snap at any moment now. He pulled out his finger only to insert another one alongside it, his thumb beginning to rub circles against your bundle of nerves while his fingers got to work inside of you.

“You know, I’ve imagined this more times than I care to admit,” he licked a quick stripe beneath your ear. “I’ve dreamt of how you’d squirm for me.” His fingers quickened their pace, alternating between pumping and curling as he felt your walls beginning to flutter around him. “How you’d react to my mouth, my fingers,” he emphasized his words with an especially mind-altering curl of his fingers as his voice deepened further, “my cock-”

His damn fingers.

Tears were threatening your eyes again as you peered over the edge of what you could tell would be one of the best orgasms you’ve experienced yet. You knew his hand around your neck was a purposeful way to bring this out in you, your heady state making you even more responsive to his touch.

“I’m-” you gasped, trying to find where your words were locked away in your brain, “Dan, I’m close-”

“I know, angel, can feel you squeezing me so tight. Will you be good and give it to me?” The circles on your clit were impeccably fast, “Please, let me see how pretty you are when you come.”

Right then, he released his hold on your throat, the rush of blood to your head sending you careening into oblivion. You let out a pitchy moan of his name as you released around his fingers, bracing yourself with your hands clamped on his arms. He continued his hasty pace, guiding you through your high as he chanted a slew of praises in your ear. Your tears must have finally fallen because his free hand was now cupping your cheek, thumb gently grazing underneath your eye to collect any stray droplets.

He slowed his fingers to a stop only when you began showing signs of overstimulation, and as much as you would have loved for him to continue, to pull another one out of you, you needed his cock inside you. Now.

You forced your eyes open as you collected your breath, although every inhale you took was shallow and unsteady. You were frantic with need already; his fingers had brought you to heights you had only experienced by yourself in your bedroom, and now you were obsessing over the thought of him stretching you out. You let go of his arms, fingers fumbling to find his belt loops but he suddenly stepped out of your grasp. He pulled himself away to stand directly in front of you, causing you to groan in dismay at the loss of his warmth and weight against your body.

“Don’t worry,” he chuckled, “I’ll give you what you want.” He reached out to stroke your cheek. “You really are a needy little thing, aren’t you?” Your breath caught in your throat as he gave you the gentlest of swats against the flesh. “Turn around, hands on the wall.”

You spun around at an alarming speed, still a little dizzy from the come down as you splayed your palms against the concrete. His hands were on you moments later, securing your dress high on your waist once more as he crouched behind you. You were on full display for him, and he was greedily drinking in the sight of you. He let his fingers trace over the swell of your ass, admiring every curve and divot of your body. You truly were an angel in his eyes, and being able to see you, have you, this way made his heart rattle within his chest. He hooked his fingers on the elastic that hugged your hips and pulled your panties down ever so slowly, helping you step out of each leg with a steady hand on your thigh. Unbenounced to you, he took them in his hands and traced the damp spot on them with the tip of a finger before shoving them into his back pocket. You wished you could see what he was doing, but some masochistic part of you was relishing in the anticipation of not knowing his next move.

“Bend a bit lower for me, sweetheart,” he said as he brought his hands back to your ass, spreading you wide open as you obeyed his command. Perhaps you may have felt embarrassed to be this exposed, but in your needy state you were lapping up any and all attention he would give you. You yelped in shock as you felt him spit directly into your pussy, following it immediately with one languid swipe of his tongue through your folds. His mouth was gone all too quickly, replacing his tongue with his fingers as he whispered, “Absolutely gorgeous, angel. All pretty and wet and pink,” he placed a chaste kiss against your ass, “I wonder how you’d feel fluttering around me-”

“Daniel, please. I can’t wait anymore. I need you inside me, I need you to fuck me-” You nearly sobbed out, your thighs beginning to tremble with impatience and your brain running a mile a minute.

“Shhhh, sweetheart, breathe for me,” his hands ran along your thighs to help relax them and steady you. “I’ll give you what you want, you’ve been so good for me.” You glanced over your shoulder then, your brows knit together in need and frustration, but the sight of him knelt behind you made your head calm and all pent-up anxiety vanish. You watched as he rose to his feet and immediately picked up where you had left off on his jeans, working to free himself from the tight denim. He pulled himself out of his briefs, his cock springing up against the trail of hair that ran from his navel to the base of his length. Your mouth watered and your eyes widened at the sheer size of him. It was a known fact that Daniel’s body was sculpted out of marble, a true Grecian god walking amongst mortals, and now you knew that was true about every part of him.

Your throat bobbed as you stared at his length, bigger and thicker than you had pictured, and you knew he would fit snugly inside you. You finally broke your stare away from his cock to look in his eyes, hoping that your silent plea for him to fill you up was clear. Thankfully, he nodded as he gripped himself, giving length a few tight, slow pumps, before bringing the tip of it to trace through your folds.

You exhaled a steady breath, letting your head face forward again and dropping your chin to your chest.

“You ready for me?” He tapped his length against your entrance, punctuating the question. You nodded swiftly, forgetting that he needed your words. You opened your mouth a little too late, his hand quickly creating a ponytail in your hair with his fist, using it to pull you closer to him. His action caused your back to arch and a hiss to escape your lips, the pain on your scalp only increasing your pleasure.

“You know the rules, angel.”

“Yes, yes Danny, I’m ready-” and once the words sprang free, he was inching his way inside you, both of you groaning in unison at the feeling. He moved slowly, pausing when he would hear you hiss as he stretched you only for you to beg him to continue, settling once he filled you completely to the hilt. Making sure that you were okay, he waited as you adjusted to his size, releasing his iron grip on your hair in favor of running his fingers through it. Your walls were pulsating around him, swallowing him further inside you as you relished in how full you felt. He was patient with you which you appreciated, but you were too eager for him to begin moving. Now that you weren’t restrained with his hand in your hair, you fell back forward, returning your hands to the wall.

You took the opportunity the angle provided you to start sliding off his cock, and once he understood what that meant, he slammed back into you, propelling you further forward. One of his hands took purchase on your waist while the other splayed wide across your back as he pulled out of you only to swiftly bury himself to the hilt once more. Your head hung forward, hair cascading around your face like a curtain, swaying in time with his thrusts. He set a harsh, agonizing place, hips hitting hard against your ass as you let your moans fall freely from your mouth. Every stroke of the tip of his cock hit right where you needed it to, and it only took a few short moments for the knot in your stomach to begin tightening once more.

“You feel-” he interrupted his thought with another sharp thrust, “I don’t even know the words to describe how fucking good you feel.” His hand began hurriedly running up and down your back in adoration. “You’re sucking me in so deep, angel.”

All you could manage was a string of whimpers in acknowledgment, your nerves feeling like pins and needles and your vision turning white.

He slowed his pace, causing you to clamp your mouth shut to stop yourself from voicing your complaints due to how desperately close you were to coming, only to feel him clamp a hand on your shoulder, bringing your upper body close to his back once more.

“Open,” he demanded.

With how he was just pounding into you, you assumed he meant your legs, so you widened your stance further only to hear him chuckle darkly in response.

“Very cute, doll. Open your mouth.”

You did as he commanded, letting your jaw fall open as he brought his hand off your shoulder in favor of plunging two fingers back into your mouth. He resumed his quick pace as you hummed around his fingers, withdrawing them all too suddenly and dropping them down to draw incredibly quick circles around your clit.

His name fell from your lips in an agonizing moan, feeling the build-up of your impending orgasm cresting like a tidal wave. You could feel him beginning to twitch inside you, clueing you in that he was close, too. You squeezed your eyes shut, letting yourself completely succumb to his hold on you.

His digits remained on your clit as he pulled out of you quickly, causing a wretched cry to break free from deep within your chest. You had no time to think, let alone complain about the loss of him because his hands were on your hips within seconds, spinning you around to face him and pressing his body flush against yours, your back against that wall once more. He instructed you to jump, giant hands firm underneath your thighs as you wrapped your legs around his hips, crossing your ankles at his back. His strength paired with your back against the wall kept you suspended as he guided his cock back into you, not wasting any time in setting that same mind-numbing pace. He thrusted into you with reckless abandon, much less collected than he had been before as he let his forehead drop to yours, eyes burning into you.

“Wanna watch your face as you come around my cock,” he said through gritted teeth before bringing his lips to yours in a searing kiss. You both were desperate for release and it was evident in your kiss; tongues tangling together, teeth clashing, and before you knew it you were clenching impossibly hard around him, your senses being overridden by the blinding release he was sending you into. Your eyes clamped shut and you pulled away from his mouth as you cried out his name, not caring how loud it left your lips. He continued along with his pace, his composure becoming increasingly more sloppy as his cock swelled inside you.

“W-where do you want me, angel,” he panted in shallow breaths, not being able to hold back much longer.

“I-inside,” words choking in your throat as he jackhammered into you, “I want you inside.”

That was all the confirmation he needed before his head fell back, fingers digging into the flesh of your thighs as a string of curses fell from his lips. He released inside of you with a final thrust, filling you with warm spurts, the feeling dizzying and addicting. He slowed to a halt, bringing his forehead to rest against yours once more as you both came down from your highs, breaths shallow and heavy. You clung to each other as you settled, relishing in the comfort of the other's arms until you felt calm enough to open your eyes, finding his there waiting for you. You pulled him into another kiss, this one short but passionate, allowing your brain time to catch up to the events that had just transpired. Once you were fully in your body again, you chuckled against his lips, causing him to parrot the action. Soon, you two were in a fit of giggles, neither of you able to continue the kiss any longer.

“You know,” you started after your laughter had died down a little, “I’m loving this ‘angel’ business.” You beamed at him, noting the faint sheen of sweat across his forehead.

“Good, cause it suits you,” he said as he placed a kiss against your cheek, simultaneously tapping your thighs to signify he was about to withdraw himself from you.

“Wait-,” your eyes widened, suddenly embarrassed by what you were about to say. He raised his eyebrows to you in question, urging you to continue your thought. “What if I don’t want you to leave just yet.” He bared his teeth to you in a wide smile, laughing at your bashfulness.

“If you think for a second that this was a one time thing, y/n, you’re out of your mind.”

However, he stayed inside you per your request, feeling him slowly soften as his thumb grazed your cheek. Soon, though, your thighs began to shake slightly, both from overstimulation and from keeping you hoisted on his hips, so you braced yourself as he slid out from you, a hiss escaping through his teeth at the feeling. He carefully set you down, making sure that you were on steady feet before releasing his grip on your thighs. He took it upon himself to straighten your dress before tucking himself back in his jeans, and you began to smooth your hair and detangle any snarls that had formed during your activities. You glanced around your feet, trying to find your underwear but coming up short.

“Dan? You seen my panties?” you asked, looking like a dog chasing its own tail as you spun around searching for your lost garment.

“Yeah, I’m taking a souvenir,” he patted his back pocket nonchalantly before giving you a kiss on the top of your head. You playfully pushed him away with a devilish smirk, knowing that he wanted you to feel his come slowly cascading down your thigh, loving the thought of you walking around trying to keep your little rendezvous a secret.

He tilted your chin up with a delicate finger placed beneath your chin before he began swiping a thumb underneath your eyes, eliminating the smudged mascara and eyeliner you knew were evident on the tops of your cheekbones. You followed his eyes as he worked, all too focused on the task he had at hand. It warmed your heart immensely; something so domestic about this innocent moment made all of your earlier questions melt away. You were certain of how he felt for you, regardless of the sex you just had.

“Alright,” he playfully pecked your nose, “all good.” He began turning towards the door before speaking again, “And y/n, I plan on taking you home tonight. We can talk in the morning, but just know you won’t be getting a lot of sleep tonight.” He swiftly unlocked the door and made his way through it, leaving you and the smelly mops in silence.

After taking a few minutes for yourself, replaying every image of Danny back in your mind, you made your way to the bathroom. Thankfully, the line had vanished during the time you spent in the closet, and you were quickly able to clean yourself up further, realizing there wasn’t a whole lot you could do for the evident flush on your face and your swollen lips. But you made your way upstairs anyway after doing the best you could, hoping the poor lighting would hide every piece of evidence you were not able to wipe away.

You found Nat standing at the bar, seemingly getting ready to close the tab. You tapped her on the shoulder quickly, getting her attention. Immediately, her eyes grew wide once they fell on you, a smile so wide that it looked like her face would split in two. With extreme subtlety and impossible swiftness, she took her hand and inched up the side of your dress just to where a panty-line should have been evident. She caught a glimpse of your bare skin before you were able to swat her away, exclaiming “I fucking knew it!” You tried shushing her, not needing any of his nosey brothers noticing your conversation.

“Did this just happen?” She asked, her voice an octave higher.

“Yeah, and I think I’m in complete shock,” you rushed out in a soft voice, your own smile tugging on your lips.

“Oh my god, you’re telling me every single detail once we get home.”

“Well,” you began, “you’re gonna have to wait until tomorrow cause I don’t think I’m coming home tonight.”

To be continued…

taglist: @joopsworld @gold-mines-melting @shutupdevvie @indigostreakmorgan @sacredjake

#danny wagner #danny wagner x reader #danny wagner fic #gvf #greta van fleet #greta van fleet fic #jake kiszka #josh kiszka #sam kiszka #who are you now danny wagner #i love daniel wagner with my whole being #iz’s first fic!

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