#so take it with a grain of salt

[borderlinereminders]

I screwed up and now have to apologize/make it right. Now what?

Okay, first of all, take a breath. When we mess up, it can be really hard on us and send us into a guilt spiral. Take a moment and remind yourself that you are human and humans make mistakes. Remind yourself that you are not a bad person. If you are having urges, please check out my post on urge surfing. If you are feeling in crisis, a skill like TIPP may help ground you.

If you are in the middle of a situation with someone, it's still okay to walk away. “I need to take some space to get control of my thoughts. I’m not trying to avoid this or walk away but I want to have a clear head.”

When you're feeling more calm, move on to the next step.

Apologizing

Apologies can be really hard. We're often told not to "ruin an apology" with excuses, but it can be so much more complicated than that. One of the first things I keep in mind about apologies is that explanations and excuses are not the same thing. Here is an example post I wrote of a personal situation where you can see an "explanation" apology instead of an "excuse" one.

It's not okay to say "I'm sorry I screamed at you and insulted you but I wouldn't have if you hadn't done -insert reason here-." This is not a real apology, and it puts the blame on the other person for being screamed at or upset they were screamed at. It's valid to talk about your feelings that led to the situation, but they shouldn't be conveyed in your apology like that.

What you could say is "I'm sorry I screamed at you and insulted you." But you could also say "I'm sorry I screamed at you and insulted you. I was feeling frustrated but it wasn't right to scream at you and insult you." While a lot of people say the first one is "right", I do think the second one is also okay because sometimes an explanation can make it easier to apologize, or sometimes open the door for a bigger conversation (if the other person is in a headspace for it) or can be crucial to not disregarding your own feelings (which are valid, even if the way you responded to them wasn't.)

A lot of this depends on the relationship itself as well. The latter one works for my partner and me, as seen in the example post I shared above. It doesn't mean it will work with everyone, in fact, it could make some people feel dismissed or invalidated. It's good to communicate when you're both calm about what some of the best ways to navigate situations like apologies are.

Some other things to remember about apologies are while a lot of people say that it's okay to express how badly you feel, there is a fine line. Sometimes, even though we do genuinely feel torn up about something we've said/done, it's not good to convey that in a way that can lead to the other person needing to comfort us or feeling they need to put their feelings aside for our well-being. Saying things like "I'm sorry I screamed at you and insulted you. I feel really bad that I did that because you didn't deserve it" are okay. But saying something like "I'm sorry I screamed at you. I feel so bad. I'm so sorry. I don't know how to handle this because I feel so guilty. I'm a terrible person and don't deserve your forgiveness" isn't really okay.

The feelings can be really overwhelming, and I get that and see how those guilt spiral apologies can happen but they end up pushing the other person to accept your apology even if they're not ready just to make sure you're okay.

After the apology

Okay, you've apologized. Now what? Well, it largely depends on what the other person is feeling. If they want some space to think, calm down or just breathe, then you should give them that. (Please note that there is a difference between someone needing space to process vs someone wanting space to avoid accountability for their part in things.)

Phrases like “It’s not fair of me to say what I said/do what I did and expect things to just be fine. I’m here when you want to discuss this further.” might be helpful

The other person is not obligated to accept your apology or offer forgiveness, but please note that this doesn't mean you should continue to beat yourself up.

When the other person is ready to talk to you, it's your turn to listen and hear them out (as long as they are talking to you in a calm manner. Regardless of what you did, they still shouldn't be attacking you.). Even if you don't agree with what they're saying, hear them out. Let them talk about their feelings. Sticking with our example, maybe they felt afraid when you screamed at them. Allow them the space to talk about that.

When they're done talking, now is the time where it might be time to communicate about things as a whole on how you can both do better in the future.

Maybe you screamed at them because they ate your food out of the fridge without asking, again. While your feelings are valid, you can still apologize for the hurtful things you said (like the insults in our example) but still communicate about the larger issue. In a case like this, using the DEAR MAN method might be helpful.

If this is a situation where you recognize you are completely at fault like say for example, you took out a bad mood/day on them, then this might be the point where you talk about working on things to do better. This might include talking about some coping skills you plan to use in the future, or even talking to them about ways they could support you if they're able to.

While you can't promise to never do it again, making an effort and plan to change and do better is important.

At the end of the day, remember it’s okay to make mistakes. You aren’t a bad person for them. Please don’t continue to beat yourself up.

#apologies #please note this is all my personal opinion #like none of this is fact #so take it with a grain of salt #i'm not a professional #this is just how i handle apologies #relationship advice #communication tips #conflict resolution

[vampyrsm]

i make up the sukuna rules and i say he likes when his women have more meat for him to bite and grab and bruise and

#— alex rambles #this is self indulgent #so take it with a grain of salt #i’m just in my feelings

[amorettopedri]

#pedri #gavi #pedrigavi #pedri/gavi #they're so precious #im eating glass #dont know if its true or not #so take it with a grain of salt #for my sanity I'll pretend its true #delulu is solulu 😁

[c0mmander-rudboys]

ADMIN I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU TO TELL STEVEN AND FRANCIS YOU SHIP THEM

“…who the hell is this person?”

#ask reply #ooc #I am speedrunning through these asks #in all honesty I’m not that serious of a shipper #so take it with a grain of salt #steven rudboys #francis mosses

[coldresolve]

i keep gettin questions about some basic demographics for the main players of mm, so im gonna add a link to this post on the masterlist for the curious. if theres sth i forgot to add feel free to ask

the ± is where davin is vague and ambiguous. its a character trait

updated to include howard

#i decided laz is a chemistry major cause. yknow. #other #conrad #renee #davin #lazarus #also the whole ethnicity thing is like. idk #im mostly referring to it in terms of race but race is rarely that simple. and also ethnicity does include broader cultural shit ykwim #so take it with a grain of salt #edit: ignore the indigenous typo. and the inconsistent capitalization

[naturewivesmybeloved]

Idk what is like in her personal life, but what I’ve seen on video and on stream, I swear to god GeminiTay has adhd. Girlie is so easily distracted, can’t stay on task for the life of her. Like bestie, at least get tested if for my piece of mind if nothing else.

#screaming into the void #GeminiTay #adhd #GeminiTay has adhd im like 70% sure #at least #something about that woman smells neurodivergent #though im not sure how much of that is me projecting #so take it with a grain of salt

[ok-sims]

i adore how fourteen is different than ten:

much more emotionally open and available

waaay less flirty

somehow even more fruity (?)

#doctor who #i say this as someone who is not finished watching all of ten's episodes #so take it with a grain of salt

[the-crimson]

Ok now that the computers are becoming plot relevant again I think we actually need to figure out if the entity that attacked Philza for getting netherite way back in the beginning was actually intended to be the binary monster.

I am of the belief that was just an admin logging in to stop him from getting an illegal item because someone took a photo of the eggs around that time when all of their skins were glitched and one of the eggs wore that same black/green glitchy skin. I assume at that point they already had the code skin prepared as that was a planned plot point so why would they not use the skin if that was intended to be the code tm.

If that is the case then the first appearance of the code entity would be when Luzu’s computer appeared and Luzu reverted to Aaron after learning Tilin was dead. To my recollection, Luzu/Aaron didn’t know where the computer came from and the code only appeared after he’d reverted into Aaron. Aaron told Foolish and Bad that the codes were trying to kill him because he was a chink in the chain or something. Once Luzu logged off, the code immediately started targeting the eggs and first targeted Leo then the next day Dapper.

This is also super interesting because they appeared soon after three eggs died then it immediately started threatening the remaining eggs and telling the players to leave - at least when it appeared to Max, Bad and Dapper it told them to leave in the chat.

Did the computer open a gate way for the code to enter the island? Are the corrupted codes we’ve been seeing clones of the original code that came through to kill Luzu? We saw it in Max’s hallucination, it’s still out there… Are these computers gateways for more entities? Luzu is returning in addition to more players…

I don’t think the codes, if more come through, are going to try and kill the eggs. The binary entities have turned their focus away from the eggs entirely for a while and are focusing on Etoiles and Max. They’ve changed their approach instead of trying to scare the players into leaving they’ve got another plan.

Idk where I’m going with this my brain is too scattered. There are just so many things happening at once rn I’m gonna have to go back and rewatch the Aaron stream where the code first appeared to see. Idk what to think rn

Edit: also Luzu said in binary yesterday “a door is opening” sooooooo I think these computers are portals of some kind 100%….

#qsmp #crimson speaks #I think going back and rewatching the first few times the binary entity appeared are imperative #to figuring all this out #all this post is from memory bay the way #so take it with a grain of salt

[fleetn-crab85]

Idea: The Celestial Toymaker has other "celestial" siblings that are also art/performance related. These are all my own thoughts, so... do what you want with it!

I'll explain more under the cut (WARNINGS for possible blood/gore)

So my idea is that the Toymaker has like 5 siblings that are all different artsy careers

The eldest sibling I call The Poet or The Writer (if we stick to the -er ending with all the names). They keep every thing alive by writing in their version of the Book of Life. They write poetry, short stories, or other forms of prose about whatever they want to keep alive. If The Poet deems you unworthy of living, they will erase your poem. I imagine it being like a literal eraser goes through the person's body, leaving whatever hasn't been erased falling below what's gone. I feel like they wouldn't have much of a domain like the Toymaker, but more of a small, cluttered work space. I imagine them being very reserved, cold, and shy compared to the Toymaker. They have the most responsibility out of the family because of the book, so they're very much no-nonsense and prefer to be alone.

The second eldest I call The Artist or The Painter. They're a lot more chaotic than The Poet, but they still are absorbed by their work. I imagine they have a large studio with every color of paint always available to them. They see visions of different points in time: whether that's key moments in a planet's history or even the death of the universe. Their burden is to create, and so they do. Because of this burden, they have been driven to madness. Their paintings are wild and chaotic, normally having no central focus and being very cryptic. However, The Artist's earlier works were very straightforward, emulating Expressionism-style paintings. Eventually, their visions became too wild and confusing, so their paintings reflected that. Now, The Artist is very irritable and neurotic. If you so happen to cross their path, you're most likely not going to make it out alive. They will see you as a threat to their art, and probably use your blood for paint.

The middle child I call The Musician or The Composer. They don't have a role, unlike the older siblings, and act very similarly to the Toymaker. Their domain is a concert hall, of course, with a little puppet orchestra and audience. Obviously, they create music. Sometimes they give their arrangements to their siblings, but most of the time The Composer is adding onto their "unfinished symphony". This symphony, unfortunately, will remain unfinished until the end of time itself. So, The Composer has resorted to stealing real musicians outside of their domain to add to their orchestra. They are searching for a person who could end their symphony. I feel like The Composer would be very nice at first, they would try to compliment your achievements or other pleasantries. But like the Toymaker, when the mask comes off, The Composer is ruthless and resentful. They will stop at nothing until you join the band.

The second youngest child, to me, is the Toymaker or The Actor. We already know what he's like so I'm not going to spend my time explaining it :)

The youngest child I call the Designer or the Architect, mostly because their work is electronic (like a graphic designer). I imagine they don't spend a lot of time in their domain and spend it pretending to be human with the Toymaker and the Composer. Then what would their domain be? Well I imagine it to be a child's bedroom! They're the youngest of course so why wouldn't it be a child's bedroom. it has a small, chunky computer at a desk where they used to do their work. Now, the Designer spend their time adding life to our world. They can design some pretty nice things, like buildings, clothes, even plants or animals. I feel like they would be the least evil out of the five, since they're the youngest, they haven't discovered their "purpose" yet. The most evil thing they've considered doing is trapping some billionaires in a computer, but that's about it.

If you made it this far down the list, thanks for reading! Feel free to comment with your ideas or opinions about this!

#doctor who #the toymaker #once again these are all my personal thoughts #so take it with a grain of salt #but I had to get this idea out there #long post #crab’s blabbering

[robindrake93]

Did Trolls 3 introduce the idea of money and a financial economy to the Trolls World?

Before this movie, no one ever purchased or sold anything; it was given or scavenged. I'm aware that the Bergens have stores but we never see money exchanged and they seem to be storage.

Except for Mount Rageous, it seems like the rest of the Trolls World operates on more of a gift economy.

#dreamworks trolls #trolls band together #i havent seen the beat goes on im just going on the movies #so this may prove to be wrong #so take it with a grain of salt

[docholligay]

I really liked one of the central storyline/ideas/themes, that sometimes trauma makes people put up these huge mountains and take on a lot of responsibility to be ‘miracles’ and put it on their kids, because all they can see is everyone who didn’t make it. That’s an experience not uncommon to Jewish communities, Cambodian communities, etc, in America. I thought it was a really humanizing element of abuela being kind of objectively a bitch. Loved it. 

I liked the momentary nod to the idea that the power of community is stronger and better than any one individual gift. 

I like Mirabel’s character design a lot! She’s very cute. 

The intro song is either one of the better songs, or it just reminds me so much of how Midgie likes to dance to it that it becomes good in my mind, hard to say which. Also loved Dos Oruguitas, great bit. 

My greatest criticism would be that the movie is holy shit too busy. There are like, 6 different storylines and ideas happening at once, and while I love that for something that is longer, and allowed to have more complex plotting,* it does not work here. And you might say “dooooocccc you’re comparing this to aduuuult stuff” no I’m not! Nor am I comparing it to the Disney movies of my youth. I’m comparing it to like, Frozen and Moana, both of which I thought moved the ball nicely for the direction of children’s film while still being very palatable and easy, and didn’t take on too much. Encanto takes on a little bit too much, and so we have a lot of really lovely and emotionally complex ideas that are never really given any time for even a young audience to really engage in that particular storyline. It was too busy. And for me, distractingly so. Again, I am NOT asking it to be an adult film. I am comparing it to its peers. 

This isn’t a criticism, REALLY, but the whole time I was sitting there I was like, ‘Okay so please explain to me how this gift helps the community, I am dying to know’ ahaha. I mean Julieta’s is obvious, and so is Luisa’s, but if we buy into what the movie is selling about Isabela’s power, that she can make flowers bloom and her tragedy is she hasn’t been allowed to do anything else** how does that help the town? I assume crops are off the menu? Camilo and the power to shapeshift? They have him, in a song, rocking a baby for a moment for a tired mother, but I mean....really? It’s like saying “Isabela decorates for all the weddings” and that’s her great contribution. I am WELL AWARE I am thinking too much about this and that’s why I’m like “this is not a real criticism” 

In all, it was fine! I would have liked it a lot better if it were either a really well produced series OR the storyline was streamlined. As it was, it was the poor juggling of really good balls. 

*I am well aware this is a kid’s movie! I’m not asking it to have more complex plotting. I’m saying that it should have stuck to a single idea. 

**I LOVED her 30 seconds of side story, but this is what I’m talking about with the business. Isabela being kind of a cunt was a note, then understood and fixed in moments. Isabela’s song about being fixed was longer than any of her other dialogue ahah. 

#Surface Pressure and Whatever the name of Isabela's song is felt off to me #music wise #for the rest of the movie #I can't explain why because I don't know music well #so take it with a grain of salt #I know moonlight knows a lot about music and might be able to pinpoint #I was already biased not to LIKE surface pressure because when the movie first came out #there were SO many sadgirls my age who were posting that fucking #'at my core I feel like I'm worthless if I can't be of service' #and I was like 'honey I have known you for years' #I have not seen you so much as pick up a PHONE for your larger community #all I hear you talk about is how much you hate having to go to your moms for thanksgiving #and how you hate your exhusband #SERVICE #so I knew that it could be the best song IN THE WORLD #and I wasn't going to like it #not its fault #but what I DIDN'T expefct was to find it so jarringly...unfitting? #I really can enjoy kids' things! also #like here! #It's just being allowed to enjoy them in themselves instead of adults telling me #its the narrative that spoke to them THE MOST #where I'm like...what?

[xmilkwee3dx]

What about neurodivergent people? Does their soul also carry the differences their brain puts on their personalities?

I feel like that’s only a human experience. Since the brain is part of the human anatomy the soul wouldn’t be directly connected to that. It would only be experiencing it in this life form.

#ofc this is just my personal opinion #so take it with a grain of salt

[jlf23tumble]

I'm really trying to understand. I know Joshua does take good pics but some of his pics are awful and they still get so much praise. I'm seeing comments "I know the pic is blurry but it fits Louis' tour aesthetics". Seriously? Is that the excuse now? "This pic looks like shit but it fits Louis' tour aesthetics". Since that pic Harry posted on IG that was super super blurry, which I think he was trying to make a point with. That fans don't control him. I thought Lloyd's pics have got better since. They show more of the audience. I really like his recent pics that show Harry and the audience. They give a vintage postcard kind of feel. Old school. But he's still being trashed as ever. Sometimes I'll see a pic and think... that's not that bad so surely they won't be trashing that. But they will be, always are. He can't do any right. But Joshua can't do any wrong. I think it could be partly because Joshua talks to the fans on twitter. So they feel 'closer' to him. They're still incredibly bitter about the iHeart? tour photography award going to Lloyd, while also saying that it means nothing. If it means nothing then why still so bitter? Why the desperate push to vote for Joshua? They say that Lloyd only won the award because of Harries. Well yes. If Joshua won the award it would be because of Louies and Larries. That's how fan voted awards go. If anyone does like Lloyd's pics they get insulted for having bad taste. They really despise Lloyd and they just don't stop complaining about him. Why is it always like this? That everyone Harry works with is hated by the fandom and everyone Louis works with is loved?

I'm sitting here, nodding my head as I read this like a goddamned kitsch toy dog on the dashboard of someone's bitchin' Camaro because yeah, YEAH. I have some thoughts about it that I'm sure I'm not all that articulate about, so I'll take it to the tags and let your ask just shine up here, uninterrupted yet fully appreciated

#a lot of my thoughts go on pure vibes and gut instinct vs. proof #so take it with a grain of salt #but there's SUCH a weirdness in the fandom reaction to harry's photographers vs. louis's when louis's admit they love and emulate harry's! #and i don't know if it's larries exclusively or if it's beyond that #with helene it was fucked up STRAIGHT UP misogyny from the larrie camp #super telling on so many levels and even more so because her pictures absolutely mirror his (see: his super artsy ig posts) #and the stuff she does professionally is so varied that it's even MORE telling when said people tried to say she was a shitty photographer #she's not--not even a little--and she outright said he picked the shots that she took that he loved the most and chose them to post #and that's true for both anthony and lloyd by the way: harry is looking for a certain aesthetic and they are providing it #and he is both paying them and selecting the pictures he likes best to share #if he thought they were awful--he'd fire 'em (just like he has with actual people in his band lol i kid) #i've long wondered if he is just so sick of the slick perfect idealized shots of himself that fans create and manipulate #shots that echo the manmade boybandness of it all #and he has his own eye for what he finds beautiful or interesting and it just merges in what he wants to represent himself #it's so FASCINATING it's multilayered and yet you STILL have these dumdums out there bitching about how much they hate lloyd #as if it's HIS fault his boss is pushing for a specific type of aesthetic--if you hate it take it up with his boss #and if you 'don't understand it' take it up with his boss #the fandom urge for this squeaky clean perfect image that absolutely matches simon cowell's for the same is mighty funny in a real venn way #me? i cannot fathom why you wouldn't want to see what a celeb is actually choosing to use to represent themselves #ESPECIALLY when it's not pretty-pret #and then to turn around and blow some smoke up the ass of someone who is doing the thing you HATE SO MUCH with your other fave #yet you have special stupid baby tags for it when it's someone else? #i don't think it's any subconcious hatred of louis or anything when it's from the biggies repping larr nation #but it's mighty curious when you have at least two photographers from louis's camp #doing the EXACT same thing as harry's photographers #and at least one of them citing at least one of his as an icon to emulate #yet....silence #and even worse this weirdo urge to push some kind of larrie interaction on joshua and lloyd #the fan-voted thing was extra funny to me on so many levels my god #i'll shut up now i've officially entered old man yells at cloud territory

[luxlightly]

I know a lot of people rely on Twitter for business reasons and are therefore unable to deactivate their accounts but, if you are able to, I highly recommend deactivating and uninstalling the app.

Long story short, Musk is in the hole for a lot of money for Twitter and Twitter has really only 2 main ways of gaining money back for him: advertising and selling personal data.

As you probably have heard, advertizers are leaving the site in droves. So, if he wants to keep up with the billions of dollars in interest the loan he took out to buy Twitter is going to accrue, he's likely to need to go all in on that second method of getting money. That means selling much more of your data and to many more people.

The only people who normally would have the power to prevent him from doing this is the board of directors, who he has notably just fired, along with somewhere between 25% to 75% of the rest of the staff.

Like I said, due to it being such a large part of networking for so many people, it may not be possible for you to deactivate and uninstall right now, but for security reasons (and of course to lose Musk more money as a bonus), if you are able to, I would get off Twitter as soon as possible.

#bear in mind that this is more or less repeating some things I've heard on other sites #from people more informed than myself #so take it with a grain of salt #but from what I know about the situation #and about how twitter works #it checks out #be safe out there #well as safe as you can these days

[lycancoffee]

fooling around with an old genderbend idea (mostly just an excuse to draw lawyers)

#aa #ace attorney #genderbend #phoenix wright #maya fey #miles edgeworth #april may #charlie (charlie) #maya looks like a pkmn trainer lol #genderbend stuff is messy bc of the infinite variation of humans etc etc #so take it with a grain of salt #my art #digital art

[citrucee]

PROGRESS ‼‼‼‼‼

#web dev stuff #note about ages: these are canon as long as i dont think of ages that fit better #timelines are not my strong suit #therefore ages are even less of a strong suit #so take it with a grain of salt #BUT LOOOOOOK THERES MY BOYS!!!!! :D