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ijustwant2write · 3 years

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Causing A Fuss-Anthony Bridgerton x Reader

(GIF credit to @hvitserkk)

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Requested by @elennox03 : Can you write an imagine where Anthony’s wife is pregnant and she’s at the very end of her pregnancy and he is trying to make her stay in bed and rest but she refuses and she’s somewhere in the house and she goes into labor and Anthony freaks out and then after the baby is born a little cute dad Anthony fluff?

Characters: Anthony Bridgerton x Reader, Hyacinth Bridgerton x Reader (sister-in-law), Violet Bridgerton x Reader (mother-in-law)

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

Warnings: Pregnancy side effects, labour, mention of blood, fluff fluff fluff

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Anthony's strides were quick as he explored the house, desperately seeking his wife. Members of staff were ambushed with questions, startled by his tone. When he didn't get the answer he wanted, he would huff and storm off again. Where was his beloved? She wasn't where she was supposed to be.

(Y/N) laid back on the sofa as Hyacinth fanned her, the pregnant woman also fanning herself. She was just too hot, she was tired and her feet felt like they had been hit with a hammer. Her shoes were on the floor, it was far too painful to be wearing them.

"Thank you so much darling." (Y/N) said to her sister-in-law.

"Is it really that bad?" Hyacinth asked.

(Y/N) wanted to say yes. Despite pregnancy being an extraordinary feeling, the emotions and connections you made with your unborn child were confusing, there were quite a few downsides; the sickness, the tiredness, not being able to fit into your dresses or shoes, as well as feeling every single type of emotion everyday. But after seeing the young girls scared face, she knew she couldn't be entirely truthful.

"No, of course not." (Y/N) smiled, sitting up slightly."It can just get a little tiring sometimes. Have you ever held a baby?"

She nodded.

"It was heavier than you imagined, hm? Well, my baby is a little heavy right now. But they will be here soon."

"I'm very excited to meet them. I can't wait to be an auntie!"

(Y/N) melted at that."You'll be an amazing auntie."

"Here you are." Anthony entered the room, relieved to see (Y/N), until he saw what state she was in."What is wrong? Hyacinth, why didn't you fetch for me sooner?"

Anthony rushed to his wife's side, snatching the fan from his sister and fanning his wife. (Y/N) was irritated whenever Anthony was like this, it was sweet that he cared, but her fuse was short. She was resting, not bed ridden.

"I am not returning to bed Anthony. I do not wish to bicker with you." (Y/N) made it clear."I am just hot, that is all."

"The doctor advised that you stay in bed for most of the day-"

"Anthony, I cannot stay cooped up all day, laying down and doing nothing. I would go simply mad. And I have spoken to friends who are or have been pregnant, none of them did that."

"They are not professionally trained."

"That doctor has never carried a baby."

"(Y/N) said it isn't that heavy." Hyacinth spoke up.

Anthony slowly turned his head to his sister. "This is a matter for the grown ups. Go and...play somewhere."

Hyacinth knew better than to argue with Anthony, rolling her eyes before leaving. (Y/N) pursed her lips at her husband's behaviour.

"Did I ever mention how amazing you are with children?"

Anthony smirked."Well, it's a bit late to be getting lessons on childcare, isn't it?"

(Y/N) giggled, taking Anthony's hand and placing it on her bump. Anthony loved touching her growing bump. It had been strange to see his wife changing shape before his eyes. He was so used to her body having run his hands over every angle, seeing it every day from the time they were married. But it made him fall even more in love with her, if that was even possible. Anthony could write a hundred pages expressing his love for his wife, and it would still never be enough.

"I still can't believe we're having a baby." he breathed out.

(Y/N) scoffed."Are you saying I've always looked like this?"

Anthony laughed."Of course not. But no matter how much you talk about such a thing, no matter how much preparation you do, it just seems surreal."

(Y/N) hummed in response, putting her hand on top of his."I've loved carrying them, but it is time for them to come out into the world."

"Still not saying whether it's a boy or girl?"

(Y/N) shook her head."I just don't feel one way about it. Not that I care about that, as long as they're healthy."

"I still say boy."

"You would."

"You just said you didn't care."

"I don't."

"(Y/N), please can you just promise me one thing?"

"Anthony, I am not staying in bed-"

"Stay by my side as much as possible. The baby is due soon and I want to ensure you are safe when the time comes."

"Oh, Anthony, I'm with you for a majority of the day anyway."

"I know but, if there are moments where I am not present, I want to have a sound mind that you are in safe hands, such as family or a member of staff."

"Well, you know I'm not going to be leaving the house, much to my annoyance. So I will be guarded all day and night."

"You're making it sound like you're a prisoner."

"I'm just being dramatic. I just want to meet our child now."

"Well, I can't deny either of those statements."

Anthony wasn't exaggerating when he said he wanted (Y/N) beside him at all times. From then on, they were seen with each other anywhere they went in the house. Anthony didn't go out as much as he did, and he instructed there always be staff in every room and corridor. She didn't mind it, however, as her due date grew closer, the more nervous she became. Unfortunately, that meant her temper was shorter, she became more snappy and tired, and she didn't want everyone constantly reminding her that she was about to give birth. (Y/N) tried so hard to not take it out on her husband, but because he was the one always beside her, he was the only person she could lash out at.

"Anthony, I'm sorry but I just need a few moments alone. I'll return soon, just...let me calm down. I'm sorry." she apologised as she walked away from him, having screamed about how frustrated she was.

She didn't hide her deep breathing as she waddled down the corridors, passing by staff that worryingly watched her. (Y/N) wanted to calm her heart rate, try and clear her mind. Feeling too many eyes on her, (Y/N) escaped into the nearest room, slamming the door shut behind her.

"(Y/N)?" Hyacinth said behind her.

(Y/N) sighed. Would she ever be alone again?

"What are you doing in my playroom? I thought you would be with Anthony."

She was playing with her dolls, three propped up in mini chairs, as was she, as they indulged in an imaginary afternoon tea. (Y/N) couldn't help but smile at that, envisioning her child playing in this room.

"Sorry darling, I just...I needed some time away from the grown ups."

"Oh, alright. Would you like to join us for tea?" she gestured to the chair beside her, causing (Y/N) to laugh.

"I don't think I would fit in that chair, even if I wasn't with child. I'll take the rocking chair. You carry on darling, I'm sorry for the interruption."

Her aching feet carried her to the chair, cautiously lowering down onto it. She rocked her heels back and forth, though did so slowly in case it caused any nausea. Hyacinth continued her game as if (Y/N) wasn't there, but kept her voice quiet to be respectful. (Y/N) closed her eyes, finally feeling the stress lift for just a moment when a jolt of pain in her stomach startled her. It made her let out a cry, clutching onto her bump as she leaned forward. Hyacinth jumped at the sudden noise, suddenly frightened at the way (Y/N) sounded and looked.

(Y/N)'s breathing got faster and deeper, yelling out as an unbearable feeling coursed through her. Her hands wrapped around her torso, willing the feeling to stop. A shocked noise escaped her when she felt herself go wet in the chair, liquid dripping down her legs.

"Hyacinth, get Anthony!" (Y/N) groaned, thankful a staff member rushed in. Hyacinth didn't have to be told twice, running as quickly as she could to fetch her brother. She had never seen anyone in such a state, no one had ever mentioned this pain when having a baby. Tears were in her eyes as she finally found Anthony, who was standing with her two other brothers at the staircase.

"Hyacinth, what's wrong?" Benedict was the first to notice the little girl running towards him.

She immediately grabbed Anthony's hand, gripping tightly onto it."Quickly!"

"What's happened?" Anthony asked her her fretting.

"(Y/N)'s having the baby!"

A second of silence passed before Anthony sprinted in the direction his sister came from. He only had to follow the sound of screaming to find his wife. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen, she was meant to be upstairs in a comfortable position, surrounded by women staff that were prepared. He halted in the doorway when he saw her clutching onto the servant's arm as she struggled to stand from the chair. He snapped an order at another servant who followed him. The doctor had to get here as soon as possible, and the other students needed to prepare immediately.

"It's alright my love, I'm here. The doctor is on his way." Anthony reassured her as he took her other arm.

"I'm in so much pain Anthony." she wept."I can't do it, I can't do it, I don't have control over my own body. I'm frightened!"

Anthony's heart was shattering into a million pieces seeing his wife like this. He couldn't do anything to help. He couldn't ease the pain. If he could, he would take all of the pain she had and endure it himself. Anthony was a mix of emotions; fear for his wife, excitement to meet his child, terrified at (Y/N)'a reactions and noises. It was all too much, nothing would have prepared him for this.

"Anthony, you must leave!" Violet suddenly appeared.

"Mama, I can't leave her-"

"You wouldn’t want to see this Anthony. Go wait for the doctor, we all know what we’re doing here.”

Anthony knew of the steps to take in this event, it was not proper for a man to be present during the ordeal of birthing. But the love for (Y/N) was urging him to stay and protect her, that was what he was supposed to do as a husband, not abandon her. They went through everything together. Now he was being told to leave because of societies rules.

Benedict and Colin were able to pull away Anthony easier than they thought, due to him being frozen and confused about what he should do. He only registered that (Y/N) was calling for him after they left the room. Fighting against his brothers hold, he ignored their please for him to stop. They didn’t understand. They weren’t married, they had no idea what it was like to be bonded with someone in this way. However, he knew they were right, he had to stay away. All he could do now was help her from outside of the room.

“Where is the doctor?!” he demanded to know from the nearest servant.

“H-he has b-been called upon, Lord Bridgerton.” they stuttered.

“As soon as he arrives, he is to be brought here, quickly! Gather pillows, as many as you can, and blankets, we must ensure my wife is as comfortable as she can be. She should have been giving birth in a bed!”

Benedict and Colin stood back in silence, shocked by the quick turn around in their brother’s behaviour. They didn’t dare say anything in case they were snapped at.

(Y/N) was clinging onto Violet’s hand as she screamed, hating the way her body had taken over and she couldn’t take back control. Violet remained calm, knowing that (Y/N) could do this. She had birthed all of her children with no complications, she knew how much women had to endure, so Violet was equipped with the necessary grit and vigour to help her daughter-in-law. (Y/N) was grateful to have Violet there.

A gruelling eight hours passed, filled with (Y/N) screaming, crying, cursing, pleading and begging for Anthony. It took every ounce of his willpower to not dash back to her, he would never forgive himself for this. He wished he could change the rules so he could be beside her. He paced with a strong drink in his hand for those eight hours, his brothers sitting down, trying to support him. However, it was getting late, and they found themselves struggling to keep their eyes open. Anthony had got rid of his jacket, sleeves rolled up and shirt buttons undone as he got warm, fretting over what was happening to (Y/N).

“Lord Bridgerton!” a servant exclaimed as they entered the room, trying to stay composed.

The men perked up, suddenly awake. Anthony noticed the servant was smiling, which made him relieved.“What is it?”

“Lady Bridgerton has given birth.”

Anthony didn’t need to hear anything else. He instantly ran to where his poor wife had been in labour. Hyacinth would never step foot in that room again. He pushed past anyone that got in his way, halting at the open doors to the playroom. The first thing he saw was blood, a lot of it, alarmed at the sight. But as he entered the room, it was forgotten about when he saw (Y/N)’s grin aimed at the baby wriggling around in her arms. His steps were slow as he approached, scared that he would disturb the peace that had finally fallen in this room.

“Anthony.” (Y/N) breathed out, clearly exhausted.

“I’m sorry.” was all Anthony could manage, eyes still fixed on his child.

“For what?”

“For not being here.”

“You’re here now, and I understand darling. Now come meet your son.”

Anthony’s eyes widened.“I-I have a son? We have a baby boy?”

The doctor who had been crouched beside (Y/N) smiled at the Lord, standing to give the couple their space.“Yes, Lord Bridgerton, you’re now a father and have a son, who is very healthy, just like his mother.”

Violet also backed away, beaming down at her eldest son. She had never imagined him married and settled down so quickly, she expected to have many more years of her son fooling around with women not of a certain standard. Once (Y/N) waltzed in, Violet had seen a change in Anthony, and hope was restored in the Viscount.

“He’s finally here.” (Y/N) smiled as Anthony sat beside her.

“He really is.” one of his arms wrapped around her shoulders, whilst the other supported her arms holding the baby.“You’re amazing. You did this (Y/N).”

“We did it.”

“No, no, you did this all by yourself. I’ll be with you every time form now on.”

“Every time? How many are you planning to have?”

He chuckled.“We’ll discuss that later.”

(Y/N) giggled, gently kissing the top of their baby’s forehead. Anthony couldn’t stop smiling, repeating (Y/N)’s actions to her. He had never envisioned this, he didn’t want to be trapped in this life at first. He had so many responsibilities dumped on him after his father died, he wanted to make sure his family was secure and have the freedom for himself; until he met (Y/N), and suddenly, he could see his entire future planned in front of him with this woman. He never fathomed that his heart could give anymore love for anyone else in this world, and he had been proven wrong. (Y/N) was the love of his life, as was his son, and he would protect and cherish them for the rest of his life.

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blu-joons · 3 years

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DAD NCT A⇴Z HEADCANON ⇴ Yuta Nakamoto

A ⇴ AFFECTION

He was cuddly before your pregnancy, but during Yuta will not be able to get enough of you. He loves to hold you close and remind you how amazing you look, especially when you’re feeling a little insecure about the way that your body is changing.

B ⇴ BUMP

Yuta knows that your bump is something you fret about a lot, so he’ll always try his hardest to make you feel as confident as you can with it. His hands would often be around it whilst he whispers into your ear to try and make you feel better about yourself and realise what an incredible thing your body is growing as you continue to grow your child inside of your bump.

C ⇴ CRAVINGS

You’d often try and sneak into the kitchen when Yuta wasn’t paying attention when you were craving something. He’d often wake up and see the other side of the bed empty, knowing exactly where you were. When he turned the kitchen light on, he’d always let go of a laugh as he usually found you tucking into a tub of ice cream on the floor besides the freezer.

D ⇴ DUE DATE

His main priority as your due date neared was making sure that you felt no pressure at all. Yuta knew that your due date was an estimate, but your labour could begin before or after it too, and so he’d try not to focus too much on the day himself. Instead, he’d keep himself much more alert a few days before, and if needed, a few days after too so that he was right there with you whenever the time came, and nice and composed too.

E ⇴ EMOTIONS

Throughout your pregnancy, Yuta was sure that he’d experienced just about every emotion that was possible. Some days his smile would be wide with excitement, other times he’d be a bit more concerned and worried about was to come. He never really knew how he was feeling for most of your pregnancy, it all felt like a slightly surreal dream for him most of the time, struggling to believe that it was actually happening.

F ⇴ FAMILY

Being away from home, the two of you were very much in the journey together and relying on one another throughout all of the ups and downs. The two of you had many emotional nights when things began to feel like they were getting too much, knowing that you didn’t have your family down the road or in the city like many other couples did, and most of all the support that you knew many other couples were so grateful for.

G ⇴ GENDER

There was no way Yuta could get to the end of your pregnancy without knowing what you were having. He was far too excited to know, and also keen to plan a theme for your nursery, and your baby shower too. When you found out you were having a girl, ideas swirled around his head immediately for things that you could do.

H ⇴ HEARTBEAT

You ended up receiving a gift from Johnny that would allow you to hear the beat of your baby’s heart in an instant, which Yuta ended up using most days. He’d appear most evenings with the equipment in hand and a wide smile on his face, silently letting you know what he wanted to do whilst you relaxed.

I ⇴ “I LOVE YOU”

During those tougher times when you were struggling, you both made sure to remind each other that you loved one another. Perhaps it was the heightened emotions that you both were feeling, but you always made sure to remind one another that you were in this together and totally supporting each other too.

J ⇴ JEALOUSY

You both often got jealous of other couples that you met at classes and appointments who bragged about having their families around. Although you both understood that it was the direction that life had taken you in, you still often had to smile through the pain of listening to other’s stories and pretend to be excited for them, when really all the two of you wanted was to be able to experience those kinds of moments for yourselves.

K ⇴ KICKS

Any time Yuta felt your baby kick at night, he would wake up instantly. His eyes would immediately flicker to you, usually ending up relieved to see that you were still asleep, but if you were wide awake, then he’d lay up with you and feel the kicks against your stomach until they stopped, and you were able to sleep again.

L ⇴ LABOUR

You were terrified of labour, and so Yuta decided to organise the best surprise that he could for you to make you feel more at ease. He managed to get your parents to fly across so that they could be in Seoul for when your baby arrived, and most importantly, you could have your mum with you to ease your nerves as only a mum could before your labour, and during too, with Yuta supporting you at your other side as well.

M ⇴ MORNING SICKNESS

More than anything Yuta wished that he could switch positions with you whenever you were sick. He knew just how much you hated such things, and how horrible you felt whilst you were being sick too. Whilst he would always try and comfort you the best that he could, it always still left you feeling pretty gross after.

N ⇴ NURSERY

Yuta took complete control when it came to your nursery, he didn’t let you take a look at it at all until it was done and he was completely satisfied with what he had done and the beautiful theme he’d created too.

O ⇴ OBSESSION

He was obsessed with your figure, even if you didn’t feel as confident in your own skin anymore, Yuta loved to see how your body changed and made sure to appreciate everything that it did every single day.

P ⇴ POST BIRTH

The day after your labour Yuta’s family arrived too, finally creating the network you’d both dreamt of. The two of you were very much in a bubble with those around you for the first few days and having your baby with you too was the icing on top of the cake in completing everything that you’d wanted for nine months.

Q ⇴ QUESTIONS

Knowing that the two of you were going through this all alone, a lot of staff at the company would often message and see if there was anything that they could do for the two of you or offer time off to Yuta if he felt that he needed to be at home with you.

R ⇴ RANDOM FACTS

Yuta loved to give little updates to the fans on fan cafes and let them know how you were getting on. He loved to mess around with them too, giving them the chance to guess the gender or try and predict what name the two of you would come up with, often taking a little inspiration from the suggestions that came in too.

S ⇴ SCANS

Your appointments were usually the time when you’d see Yuta at his most emotional. No matter how many times he got to see your baby on the sonograph, it would still make his eyes watery and his smile wide. You’d often be beside him, reminding him that there were tissues in your bag if he felt like he needed to use them.

T ⇴ TEST

It was Yuta who came home with a test one day when you’d been complaining about feeling under the weather for a few days. At the time it was just precaution, with neither of you thinking that it would actually come out as positive.

U ⇴ ULTRASOUND

Yuta always made sure he was with you for every appointment, the company were incredibly accommodating in giving him all of the time that he needed.

V ⇴ VISITS

Your parents both stayed with you at home when they arrived in Seoul, and so they became your permanent visitors. They were constantly there helping with whatever was needed whilst also making sure to dote on your little one.

W ⇴ WAITING

There were definitely moments in your pregnancy when Yuta would barely be able to contain himself, keen for your baby to arrive as soon as possible.

X ⇴ XXXX

When you were feeling a little insecure, Yuta would always try and reassure you with a fluttering of kisses around your baby bump to remind you how amazing your body was and how amazing he thought your bump looked too.

Y ⇴ YOU

You were Yuta’s teammate, the two of you were very much on the journey together.

Z ⇴ ZZZ

Yuta couldn’t remember the last time he got a full night’s sleep whilst you were pregnant, he was often more awake than you were, stirring at even the slightest of movements out of fear that something might not be right.

---

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cipheress-to-k-pop · 3 years

Note

Hello!! sorry to bother you could write a ben 10 x reader? (the reader is kidnapped by vilgax and ben has to save her, after that ben and the reader has an argument) please, i love your fics!!

Storm Before The Calm

Pairing: Pre-Established; Ben Tennyson x Reader

Warnings: None

Word Count: 3.4k words

A/N: I changed up the request a bit (I figured it shouldn't matter which villain was used here) also I was planning to have this as sort of a damsel in distress situation but after having a chat with some boys pigs I decided a self indulgant badass reader was right up my alley

Additional A/N: I have a math exam on Thursday and I cannot focus for the life of me. So, I decided to finish up one of my drafts. Now hopefully I'll be able to work like a robot for the next week, after satisfying my creative side. Also, this fic was super self indulgant.

"I trust Ben.” You did. With your entire being.

Kevin chuckled from beside you, “Yeah, try saying that without cracking the fillings in your teeth and maybe we’ll believe you.”

His words caused you to relax, only then realizing how hard your jaw was clenched in fury. Gwen sighed in disappointment and for a second you wanted to defend her cousin and your boyfriend. Until you realized that he deserved every bit of unbridled anger coming to him.

“I trust him. Doesn’t mean I’m not mad at him.”

Your hands were balled into tight fists and even though you wanted to take your eyes off the television screen and take a warm bath, you also for some reason couldn’t stop yourself from watching it.

Like you were afraid something would happen when your eyes were off the screen for even a second. Maybe you didn’t trust him.

But honestly how could you, you were currently watching your boyfriend relax in a hot tub with Jennifer Nocturne and the sight was enough to send bile up your throat.

Ben wasn’t returning any of her advances, but he wasn’t stopping her either. And the thought made you sick to your stomach. You knew Ben was faithful and you knew he would never cheat on you but watching how the Hollywood starlet continued to hang off him sent waves of jealousy through you.

Not to mention anger at the fact that he wasn’t doing anything to stop her. When he got back, you were going to wring his neck.

Trusting him was getting harder with Gwen constantly insisting that you dump him.

Honestly, you wondered how that girl even kept a relationship.

When Ben eventually came home, all the entertainment channels were still talking about the two of them and the well-known picture of Jennifer Nocturne kissing him was circulating about. Each time you looked at that image, you wanted to shoot an arrow at the TV.

As time went by, your anger slowly fizzled out. You were unable to maintain your rage at Ben, quickly getting a headache and feeling tired of trying to maintain negative emotions. Even then, you couldn't push down the uneasy feeling in your heart that seized your stomach.

You kept expecting a text message from Ben, an apology call but as the night proceeded you understood that he was having way too much fun with another woman to even think about how you must be feeling.

The thought of that made you want to go back home and crawl underneath the covers, hiding away from the rest of the world.

But Gwen was persistent and any time you tried to wiggle away from the pair of them and go home, she insisted that you stay and make sure Ben knew how upset he made you tonight.

You were more than happy to give your boyfriend the cold shoulder until he apologized rather than have to confront him. That was just how your relationship with Ben worked. Neither of you were the type to lose your tempers and yell and scream at each other.

Although you were worried what would come out of this. Would you be able to peacefully discuss your feelings and then come to some sort of conclusion civilly? Seems too good to be true honestly.

Even then you waited until Ben came home, listening to Gwen and Kevin about how you should rip the band aid off and get everything off your chest rather than ignore him for a couple of days until the two of you got bored.

Usually, the latter would work but you had an inkling that it wouldn't be the solution for this particular argument because if you didn't communicate your emotions then he would never know how you felt about it.

So, even though your stomach filled with anxiety and sadness as the hours passed, you still didn't leave, determined to talk to him about it.

Your jaw was clenched tight when he finally did come back home, utterly relaxed and even happy like he wasn't just curled up against some Hollywood starlet while his girlfriend was watching it on E!

"I'm really upset with you." You ground out when Kevin and Gwen left, not knowing how else to start the conversation.

"What for?"

You didn't reply, picking up the remote and flicking to a gossip channel, then a news channel, then an interview show and all of them had the picture of Ben Tennyson and Jennifer Nocturne locking lips.

Ben winced, "She kissed me! I didn't even return it."

You still refused to look at you, crossing your arms aggressively, "Uh huh and what was today all about?"

"It's just publicity. Jennifer thinks that it'll help with my career."

You scoffed, "What career?"

Ben's back tensed up and he turned to give you a stiff expression, "I'm a superhero. I've saved the universe a thousand times and now that I'm finally getting recognition for it, you want to be petty?"

"Petty? You think I'm being petty? Well forgive me for getting upset after watching my boyfriend curl up to some other woman in a hot tub for the last five hours!" You bit, standing up from the couch.

"It wasn't like that! Stop blowing everything out of proportion!"

"No, you stop pretending like this isn't a big deal! Ever since your secret got out you've been acting like an ass and since meeting that blonde rat it's only gone through your head more!" You shouted, clenching your hands at your sides. How could he not see your side of this?

"Well shouldn't I get to enjoy my life once in a while?! I'm the one saving the planet constantly! I'm the one with constant death threats and near death experiences every other week! Shouldn't I get some attention for it?! God knows I don't get any from you!" He yelled back and you grit your teeth.

"Don't forget that while you were out there risking your life, we were right beside you!"

"Oh, so that's what it is, you're jealous that everyone thinks of you as the sidekick!"

"That is so NOT what this is about!"

"Oh really? Because it sounds like you're jealous because you're not getting attention by mooching off of me!"

Your eyes widened in shock. Mooching? Did he seriously think that you risked your life alongside him every day to help other people and more importantly, keep him safe, for attention?

Your body trembled, outraged and you didn't say another word, leaving his house in a rush and slamming the door behind you.

You needed something to hit.

***

Your body pumped with adrenaline and anger, muscles itching to be used as you sauntered through the old and run-down factory with reckless abandon. You briefly wondered whether you should've told Gwen or Kevin you were going there but then decided against it, pride and anger too great.

Any doubts or hesitation you had disappeared when you saw Vulkanus, standing tall and broad in his metal suit. And as per usual, he had his herd of minions doing his physical labour.

"If it isn't the Plumber's sweetheart." He drawled once he noticed you. You didn't bother with the stealth, leaving the door wide open behind you and letting the sunlight seep in. If he knew what was good for him, then this would be over quick.

"Hello Vulkanus." You greeted politely and he rolled his eyes. Of all people, he knew just how misleading your innocence was.

"Where's the cavalry?"

"Just me today." You answered and for a second you were confused by your own confidence. Maybe you were taking this just a little too easy. Oh well, that was another thing you could blame your pig-headed boyfriend for.

"Well then, this is going to be easier than I thought. Hope you said goodbye to your boyfriend, sweetheart." He rasped out and the corner of your mouth twitched into a smirk. Without another word, you raised your arms, feeling the familiar heat of fire in the palm of your hand before chucking it at him.

Just as you knew he would, he sent his minions towards you first. They were embarrassingly unskilled but the problem came in numbers. They swarmed around you like ants and you felt yourself getting irritated at the clicking sound they were making.

Unfortunately for Vulkanus his make-shift factory was right beside a dam which gave you an endless supply of the elements to work with.

Summoning all the water you could manoeuvre, you pulled it into the factory, shattering the windows along with it and flooding the room. It only took a few flicks of your wrist to create a whirlpool in the centre, knocking all the workers off their feet.

You stiffened your hands, curling in your fingers and the temperature dropped, the water solidifying with each second until all of them were encased in ice. Another flick of the wrist had the path clearing between you and Vulkanus, who was still warm.

"You-You're sparing me?" He asked, confused and a dry laugh left you.

"Not at all," You sang, eyes turning dark, "I'm giving you special treatment."

Vulkanus bounded towards you, holding his mallet high and you swiftly dodged, using water on the floor to slide quickly. He crashed into the engine of one of his machines, the fuel tank exploding and spewing fowl smelling petrol onto the floor.

It floated above the level of water and began surrounding both of you.

He once again came at you, letting out a roar and you used the water to sink through the crevices of his suit, freezing it from within and you heard the satisfying sound of his suit cracking.

Just a little more strength and forcing a gust of air through the cracks had it falling apart and his frail body fell out of its metal encasing.

"You'll pay for this! You big bully!"

"Thanks for the fun time today, Vulkanus." You smiled, strutting to the door just as confidently as you came in. Even though your body was burning from the workout and you could barely breathe, you still couldn't get over the high.

Before leaving the building, you turned around to see him still glaring at you from his place on the floor.

"Oh, I should probably free your minions, right?" You commented, eyes flickering between the ones still encased in ice and the floor that was still flooded with water and petrol.

You let out a fake sigh, "I guess I'll be nice today," You winked at Vulkanus, "Thanks for the playdate, sweetheart."

His eyes widened when you blew a kiss to him, watching in fear as you ignited a flare in your palm and blew it towards him before turning around and using the wind to slam the doors behind you. When you were just a few feet away you heard the place blow apart.

Slowly, the adrenaline began melting and the blood rushing through your ears was much more audible. You were panting, tired from the exercise and the thought of calling Kevin to come and pick you up. Or maybe even Ben. You were calm enough now to have a conversation with him.

When you pulled your phone out of your pocket you felt a hand on your shoulder and spun around to meet eyes with Captain Nemesis. For a brief second you were wondering if he was here to invite you to some inane party or even to tell you that Ben was at one.

Although you hardly looked the part, you were sweating and your face was probably red and blotchy.

"Can I help you?" You asked, taking a step back, he was a little too close to you and the look in his eye freaked you out.

"As a matter of fact, you can." He said, "You see I'm arranging a little stunt for Ben Tennyson. An opportunity if you will, to showcase some of his heroism."

You rolled your eyes, turning away from him. The last thing you wanted to do was feed Ben's ego at the moment.

"With all due respect, I don't really think I'm up for a damsel in distress routine right now, Captain, I'd rather just get home. And If you take another step towards me, I'll kick you where the sun doesn't shine." You snapped and he backed off obediently, raising his hands in a form of surrender.

"That's too bad." He mused and you turned away from him, intent on walking back home or even calling a cab. Anything to get away from this creep faster.

"Too bad you don't really have a choice."

You felt his hand on your bare shoulder again but before you could even react you felt volts of electricity rush through you. You gasped painfully, feeling fire through your veins before everything started to hurt.

White burned in your vision and colours started to blur together as your eyes filled with tears. Your body crumbled, falling forward and Captain Nemesis caught you.

Right before your consciousness slipped away you heard him say something.

"For your sake, you better hope that Ben Tennyson is as great as those gossip channels make him out to be."

***

When you felt yourself regaining consciousness, you could feel your weight pulling down and also couldn't feel the ground. This had your eyes snapping open, regardless of how dizzy you were and how many dots were in your vision.

You hazily made out the venue, Nemesis Tower, before recognize the blonde woman tied up beside you. It didn't take long before you realized she was tied to the other end of the rope, suspended through mid-air just like you.

This was no doubt going to be some sort of deathly choice.

You noticed when Ben came in, turning into Ultimate Humangasaur. He looked furious, like you've never seen him before and you knew it was because Ben was certain he'd teach him a lesson today.

"Where's (Y/N)." He all but growled and your heart soared. You didn't realize how much you missed him until now, everything from before was forgotten.

"Right up there. And so is Jennifer." He replied, still smug despite the way Ben was pining him to the ground by his throat. Ben followed his gaze to meet your eyes and you took a deep breathe, bracing yourself.

A selfish part of you wanted to stay and see what Ben would do, would he save you even though Jennifer was a civilian and world famous?

Even then you figured that you shouldn't risk anyone's life for petty jealousy, so you took a deep breath, blowing it out through your mouth and watching as a gust of wind blew past, the pressure making you swing.

You swung a few feet back, letting your body fall a little before blowing again. Once you gained enough momentum, you looked up to the rope tying the two of you together and spitting fire at it, falling at an angle. You briefly heard Jennifer scream and revelled in her karma for a hot second.

On your way down, you quickly burnt off the rest of the ropes, bringing a pool of water to crystallize into a makeshift slide as you slide on your knees across the floor, just in time to catch Jennifer in your arms.

Your knees stung as they scraped across the concrete and the wind was knocked out of you when the woman fell into your form.

She gasped and her eyes that was screwed shut gently fluttered open. Up close you could understand why everyone was in love with her. Even then you couldn't spare her any concern.

You quickly pushed her out of your arms, noticing Gwen and Kevin staring at you in awe when you stood up. You cracked your knuckles, making your way over to the older man with a scowl.

"For your sake, you better hope that I'm just as weak as you think I am. Spoiler alert, I'm not."

Ben spared a small smile at you but you couldn't feel anything aside from hot fury. You felt water surge beneath your fingers and threw it at him, pulling up a wall of earth to block his blasts.

Your boyfriend immediately began fighting alongside you and your bodies fell into a familiar rhythm. Even though there was a crazed narcissist trying to kill you, you felt safe beside Ben.

It wasn't long before the four of you managed to overpower him, rendering his armour useless until he was defeated, lying pathetically on the ground.

You walked up to him and your lips twisted into an unimpressed frown when you noticed the way he had the audacity to glare at you. Without a second word, you raised your leg and kicked him right between the legs.

"I always keep my promises, Captain."

Kevin began laughing behind you and Ben cringed.

Finally, when you turned to meet Ben, now de-transformed, all the fight left your body and you relaxed. He looked apologetic and you let him approach you.

His arms wrapped around your waist and you leaned into him, breathing the familiar scent of his deodorant and snaking your arms under his jacket to fist his T-shirt.

He sighed into your hair, arms tightening around your body, "I'm sorry. For being an ass to you and saying all those horrible things, I was being an idiot and you deserve an apology."

You didn't move, not pulling away from the way your forehead was pressed against the length of his neck, "Thank you for coming to save me."

"Didn't look like you needed much help." He chuckled and you felt happy hearing the pride in his voice.

"I missed you." You murmured, holding him a little tighter and he turned his head to kiss your forehead gently. And just like that, everything was right in the world. Just as long as you were in each other's arms.

"I love you."

You heard the click of a camera and your head snapped up to see a herd of cameramen and reporters along with a couple of police cars. Ben laughed nervously beside you, "I guess we won't have to worry about another actress coming between us."

You gave him an unimpressed frown and he just smiled, leaning to peck your lips and you heard the crowd of reporters’ gasp and heard the shutters of cameras before they began shouting questions at you.

You pulled away from him when you saw Jennifer Nocturne make her way towards you. You figured she wanted to snuggle up to Ben now that the cameras were filming.

Instead, she walked right up to you, hugging you tightly and your arms flailed pathetically beside her, unsure of what to do, "You saved my life! I don't know how to thank you!"

She pulled away for just a second before pressing a kiss to your lips. Your eyes widened in alarm and the shutters began once again and flashes practically blinded you.

"Huh, so that's what that feels like." Ben murmured when she pulled away from you. Kevin was smirking beside him, satisfied that he got a taste of his own medicine and Gwen was just in shock.

Ben felt his stomach turn at the sight of Jennifer’s lipstick on your mouth and you were unsure whether you should feel repulsed or cocky.

But as you wiped the pigment off your lips and curled back into Ben's side you couldn't feel anything other than your burning muscles and your drooping eyelids.

You squinted because of the bright lights, feeling a headache grow as the exhaustion from before crept up on you again. After 2 fights and a kidnapping today, there was nothing more you wanted than a nap.

"Wanna go home?" Your ever observant boyfriend asked just as the nausea started to kick in. You nodded and he guided you away from the reporters to his car.

He gently placed you into the front seat, shielding your head as you got in to prevent you from hitting it against the hood before buckling your seatbelt, watching carefully as you drifted into a sound sleep.

Ben heard everyone behind him swoon as he lovingly placed a kiss to your knuckles and then climbed into the seat beside you, sparing you one last warm glance before starting the car and driving away.

He'd definitely notice the shy smile on your face when you saw that Ben kissing you was on the front page of a magazine.

And you'd notice the jealous scowl he'd have when he saw that Jennifer kissing you was on the front page of another.

#ben ten omniverse #ben tennyson #ben ten alien force #ben ten ultimate alien #ben 10 #ben 10 uaf #ben 10 ultimate alien #ben 10 original series #ben 10 fanfiction #ben 10 omniverse #ben 10 x reader #ben tennyson x reader #ben tennyson imagines #ben 10 alien force #ben ten #ben tennyson imagine

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corabloom13 · 2 years

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Okay so I've seen headcanons/imagines on Tumblr so here's my take for Bleach Characters reacting to you going into labour. Trigger warning childbirth, childbirth fluids, medical stuff etc. Also not necessarily saying the baby are these characters - although they CAN be if you want.

Shunsui Kyoraku

Being in Squad 8 is pleasant. Shunsui's casual teasing doesn't bother you, except for you're pregnancy where you're hormones emotions and everything is overwhelming. You let your Captain know of the knews right away and he doesn't tease you as you've got enough on your plate. He and Nanao will ask before touching your baby bump, Nanao filling in on your duties if you've got morning sickness, overall it's an understanding atmosphere. Shunsui even hosts a baby shower for you, inviting everyone and their moms to celebrate you're little jellybean. He pours drinks for everyone at said shower- except for you. "Now, now, saké isn't a great idea in your condition," he drunkenly teases.

Seeing as Shunsui helps you prepare for parenthood like buying you baby clothes, toys, cribs, baby supplies and maternity wear he seems to know the drill. So one day you enter his office to deliver paperwork, back sore and belly a huge planet, he immediately jolts from his desk and handles the documents for you. "Careful, Y/N. Keep straining yourself like this and the baby oughta pop out," he jokes, although OF COURSE Murphy's Law takes place and BOOM! You're hand squeezes a wooden desk, contractions starting. One look from your Captain and says 'Shit! I jinxed it!"

Shunsui being a compassionate soul, he doesn't mansplain labour. He calls for Nanao, she reluctantly enters his office thinking Shunsui is pulling a prank only to see you wincing at your pain. She flash-steps to Squad 4 in hopes of grabbing Unohana to help you deliver.

However Nanao is taking forever, and your baby can't wait. Shunsui helps you lie down on his futon he keeps for his naps, adjusting blankets so you're comfortable. He holds out his hand for you to squeeze, not realizing you practically almost broke it. He's usually patient but Unohana should have been here by now, but oh well he doesn't mind helping.

Shunsui uses his pink kimono as a blanket for you. "But it'll get ruined!" You scream, as he simply smiles. "Nah, don't worry about it. Just focus on pushing now, okay?" He comforts as your water begins to break. You scream bloody murder, Shunsui calmly telling how well you're doing.

The baby is crowning now, Shunsui assures you you're in the home stretch. You cry as you feel the baby sliding out, Shunsui lifts his hat back eyes wide shocked at the sight. But he is a warrior so he has seen worse.

By the time Nanao returns with Unohana, Shunsui is hugging you, congratulating you on your good work delivering your baby and being a parent. Since no one else was around Shunsui got the honors of cutting the cord, and he bundles you and your newborn in his pink kimono.

Jushiro Ukitake

Jushiro was responsible for his younger siblings growing up, throughout your pregnancy he is always happy to answer questions on how to care for a newborn. Being in Squad 13 already feels like a family, Kiyone and Sentaro constantly rushing to pet your baby bump, Jushiro reminding them to give you space.

Jushiro arranges a quite baby shower for you, with games and presents. He leaves early due to his frail health feeling guilty but sends a bunch of baby items to you the next day.

Jushiro's best area to help is random food cravings. He already stores snacks in his sleeves. Pickles and ice cream? On standby. He also is understanding that you won't be working much now, being extra cautious when you're expecting. Jushiro leaves all of your tasks to Kiyone and Sentaro who fulfill them without second thought.

Speaking of which, come the day of, Squad 13 is hosting drills for new recruits. Your Captain protested your participation even as far as offering you the day off, seeing how you can pop any second now. However you refuse as you want to achieve some work before you're on maternity leave. Everyone is at Squad 13's training grounds, a grand old time until contractions kick in. You're in denial at first, masking the signals trying to enjoy your day. Until the pain overcomes you in a training session, a light training session at that with new recruits and you collapse.

Everyone freaks out thinking you're injured. They scatter in a circle so their Captain can check on you. One look from you and he intuitively knows today is the today. Unfortunately certain subordinates aren't as intellectually gifted, so it takes them time to clue in what's happening. "T-The baby..." you softly cry out in dead silence.

Welp that's all it took to create mass panic. Everyone freaks out, no idea what to do. Kiyone and Sentaro run around in circles like chickens with their heads cut off. Jushiro keeps calm, no surprise to him you're in labour. He calls for everyone to quite down, he kneels by you, gently lifting you up. "Kiyone-san, Sentaro-kun, let's head to Squad 4 shall we?" He says, carrying you. You're shocked that a man with health issues like him can carry you.

Rukia recently arrived on the scene to you having a baby. Sentaro swiftly tells her you're going to Squad 4 and she follows. With every contraction you cling to Jushiro's Captain haori, he can tell you're struggling and gently pats your back. At Squad 4 Isane sees you in Jushiro's arms, guiding him into a room. He places you on a bed, patting your head supportively.

"You can do this," Jushiro encourages, smiling. Rukia and Kiyone are there for support, Sentaro waiting in the waiting room outside. Jushiro doesn't care if he is outside or in the room with you, after all it's your big day! You ask him politely to stay but warn him of what he will see. Jushiro chuckles because at his age and in his line of work he's seen everything. Nonetheless he stays by your head to make you comfortable.

Hanatoro and Unohana walk in, happy that you're going to be a parent. Unohana guides you on pushing and breathing, Rukia holding your hand and Kiyone impatient to meet your newborn. Jushiro talks to you to distract on you're pain to keep you calm. It actually works as it's only then Hanatoro can see a head.

Of course when he quietly said he can see a head Sentaro barges in, booming at the top of his lungs now the show's on the road. Kiyone instantly snaps at him, pushing him past the privacy curtain, as you give one final push.

"It's a girl," Hanatoro says, lifting up your infant, hearing her cries are worth your effort. While Unohana cuts the cord Jushiro congratulates you, complimenting all your hard work into making your family. "I'll be in another room helping clean up you're little one, okay?" He explains, as your head plops on your pillow. Kiyone and Sentaro enter your room, disappointed. "Damn! I missed it!" Sentaro yells. "So did I know thanks to you!" Rukia hushes them, pointing to an exhausted new parent. "Oh! Forgot! Congratulations!"

Unohana and Jushiro return with your daughter. You hold her tiny hand, kissing her petite head. You thank everyone involved for helping with your delivery.

Izuru Kira

You and Izuru are close friends, despite being in separate Squads. You're very compatible as combat partners and are often assigned to do missions together.

Which is why one fateful night while Rangiku, Shuhei and Izuru were drunk you needed to explain why you haven't touched saké in the past couple of days. "It's because I'm pregnant," you say straightforwardly, Rangiku spitting out her drink, Shuhei dropping his bottle and Izuru rubbing his eyes in disbelief.

"That's awesome, Y/N!" Rangiku hugs you, but Izuru is still in shock. "Congrats!" Shuhei lifts his sakazuki toasting to the news. "C'mon man, don't be rude, say something," he muttered to Izuru. "Oh! Uh, yeah, what they said." "Don't worry. If you can't drink we'll drink extra for you," Shuhei jokes.

Your pregnancy doesn't interfere with your work at first. That is until then you and Izuru are stationed in the World of the Living. You're late, fearing the worst he flash-steps to your house. "Y/N? It's me. Are you alright in there?" He asks, knocking. Sliding the door open he sees you, at last. "Uhh..... you look horrible.." which is an understatement. Morning sickness gave you bags under your eyes, hair unkempt, yukata messy and skin pale. In your state you smack him on the head before retreating into your quarters. "Hey, um....is it alright if I come in? Y'know to help-" You try to reply only to vomit on your lobby's floor, Izuru rubbing your back.

"Let's...get this cleaned up...." Izuru says, guiding you to the couch. He let's you relax while he cleans your mess. Later he sees you sitting on your couch, feet on a table and ankles swollen. "Do you mind if I rub your feet for you?" Izuru suggests, you give him a death glare. "No no, not like that! It can help out!" Skeptical, yet in need of assistance you allow Izuru to massage your feet.

"I was worried about you," he says. "No need to. Just gotta wait like this til delivery day, right?" You ask, sarcastically. Your friend sighs, arguing with you would cause stress and stress wouldn't be bad for the baby. "Have you given your notice to your Captain, Y/N-san," he asks, reminding you of practical things. "No. But I can send in the paper work for mat leave once it's actually born, right?" You joke.

Why a pregnant person who's nine months along and is due any day would be sent out to battle is beyond Izuru. He tried appealing to Head Captain Yamamoto to keep you here while everyone else fought Aizen in the World of the Living, his attempts to be futile. "Y/N is needed on the battlefield. We will need them certainly, as Aizen is not an easy opponent," the old man replied. "Head Captain sir, they are due any minute now. If they enter labour on the battlefield I fear it won't go well-" "You will not refuse orders from your superiors!" Yamamoto scolded, a stern glare penitrating Izuru. The young man was okay with letting people walk all over him, but when you're safety and the safety of your baby is at risk is when he will speak up.

Due to this order, you decide to cling near Izuru. That way if anything happens you're not alone. However your baby bump is a huge target, or which your enemies view you as vulnerable. You're able to fend of common Gillian-type Hollows to start with, but soon contractions kick in and you panic. "N-No! Not here, it can't be-" an Arrancar swings their sword at you from behind only to be blocked last-minute by a hook type sword. "Stay back!" Izuru instructs you as he explodes your enemy using Kido. He turns to check on you, obviously you're uncomfortable and he asks what's wrong. "T-The b-baby-" you whisper to him before you scream as a wave of contractions hit again. "Shit." Izuru curses, he knew damn well it was dumb to bring you here, but he hoped labour would wait until this battle is over.

Izuru can't carry you, so he grips your wrists, escorting you somewhere - anywhere - to be safe. "Izuru-kun! I can't run!" You shout, he turns his head, blue eyes saddened to see how it is. You're in a back alleyway, hopefully no enemies find you. In case Izuru casts Tozanshō, a barrier providing safety for time being.

"S-Sorry Izuru-kun!" You apologize, crying hysterically. Never meaning to fudge up this battle, hopefully your apology atones for your emergency. "Don't apologize. It's best we get your baby out fast, so we can move both of you to a safer location." You reach out a hand, your colleague politely holds. "Remember, breath, alright?" He tells you, you nodd, wincing from more contractions.

Shortly you're able to be alone, just you and your friend helping deliver a baby. It's as if you're not even fighting in combat today - as if Aizen isn't on the battlegrounds. "Do you know how to do this?" You ask, as he reassures you. "I was previously in Squad 4 for a short time. That's why I'm here, actually," he explains, as you yell at the top of your lungs.

"Let me know if you're contractions are closer together. That's when you'll need to push, got it?" He instructs, your hand pointing behind your friend. A Hollow -no, ESPADA whose appearance embodied death incarnate. Fog, cloudy sprit energy surrounded him. Izuru held out his hands preparing a Kido attack when a chubby man, pink hair and gentle demeanor saved you. "Pardon me fellas, it appears this Espada thought intruding on you was permissible. Carry on."

Izuru glances at you, liquids pouring out, his blue eyes startled at water breaking. Moments earlier he decapitated his opponent, but labour is another story. You're panting, hyperventilating, you're subordinate sits by you, guiding breathing techniques.

Right when Aizen and his army were defeated is when your baby was born. A healthy baby boy. Izuru cautiously used Wabisuke to cut the cord, wiping sweat from your forehead. Lisa Yadomaru , Shinji Hirako and Mashiro visit. You apologize for not being in a pretty state, hair matted, skin sweaty and your black shihakusho soaked in amniotic fluid, honestly they've seen worse. Izuru tells you to take it easy, having a baby is never a piece of cake. "To think you risked your life to have your baby born safely, and everyone will be congratulating Ichigo on defeating Aizen." Shinji jokes, sarcastically.

#bleach imagines #bleach headcanons #tw childbirth #labour

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link4eva · 3 years

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Kiro’s Hidden Light Date Translation [CN]

Hi, everyone! Thanks so much for your patience! I really appreciate it 💛

Just a couple of things before you begin reading. I don’t actually know any Chinese so this translation was done through the power of Google Translate. A huge shout-out to @keliosyfan for all the help with this translation and for also listening to me crying and screaming as I translated this date! Sorry about your ears 😅

There is a call that comes before the date which I’ll link here!

This translation contains spoilers for a date that has not yet been released to the ENG server. If you wish to not be spoiled, please don’t look below the cut.

Hope you enjoy~ 💛

*Spoilers for future content below!*

[First Part]

In the Temple of the Gods, the new gods gathered here for the first weekly meeting since taking office.

I was holding a thin report, standing at the end of the reporting line--

As the first star god in the God Realm, my job is too simple compared to other gods.

After the sun sets, I wake up the sleeping stars in the galaxy. This is my job.

Lord God: It’s your turn, God of Day and Night

The voice of the Lord God rang above the temple, and the man who was summoned walked slowly to the center of the hall.

???: Lord God, I have a request….

A bitter feeling poured in, I lowered my head and tried not to look at the back that seemed to have become thinner--

The God of Day and Night, Kiro.

(Flashback)

I met him at the New God Training Camp years ago.

Every new god must learn about their responsibilities here, and then use their performance to assign the appropriate position.

Priest: The subsequent training is a pair of two, the grouping rules are very simple.

Priest: There are two of each kind of pastry on this long table, and two people who have the same one will automatically be matched.

I scanned the big circle with interest and my eyes landed on a pastry that looked tasty.

Just when I was about to pick it up, a slender hand stretched out at the same time.

I looked up and saw a handsome man standing beside me with a bright smile on his pale face, his eyes brilliant and pure.

Priest: After you choose, you can take the pastry and find your partner.

Kiro: It seems that we’ve already completed the next step. *Changed some wording*

Kiro: Hello, my name is Kiro.

MC: H-hello, I am MC.

At that time, I blushed and my heart was beating very fast. Maybe it was because his smile was too gorgeous.

Since then, we have become good partners who talk about everything.

We climbed the wall and skipped class together, and set off the fireworks behind the mountain under the stars to share every day with each other after agreeing to become true gods.

Kiro: But….I hope we can stay together and become gods who are sincerely respected by people.

My heart was beating rapidly at his sincere tone, and I suddenly realized that my feelings for him were more than just platonic. *Changed some wording*

I want to be with him all the time and share with him all the beautiful things in the world--

Kiro thinks the same way, right? Otherwise, he wouldn’t make the promise of “always being together”.

Our feelings must be the same.

With this in mind, until the graduation ceremony of the new gods a week ago, the Lord God announced the new god’s proposed deity.

Lord God: ….Finally, it is proposed that Kiro is the God of the Sun and MC is the God of Night.

I happily accepted the proposal knowing that in the God realm, the God of Day and the God of Night will be regarded as an official pair.

And every day and night, they will accompany each other and will be bound together forever. *Changed some wording*

However, I forgot to confirm Kiro’s thoughts and didn’t even glance at his expression after hearing the proposed order.

I only remember that I was happily drunk and took his hand while talking a lot.

MC: I’m so glad!

MC: When I become the God of Night, I will give you the brightest star!

MC: And, I….

I also said a lot of nonsense. As for the content of the nonsense, it doesn’t matter anymore.

The important thing is that Kiro saw the Lord God in private on the second day, which caused the Lord God to change the original plan of the gods in the subsequent ceremony of the gods.

Lord God: Starting today, Kiro alone will be the God of Day and Night, and MC will become the first star god.

MC: Did you ask the Lord God to change the proposed deity position?

After the ceremony, I asked Kiro outside the temple gate, and he nodded silently.

MC: Why?

Kiro: I….

Seeing his hesitant expression, I understood in an instant--

He is unwilling.

He would rather bear the weight of the power of two gods alone than to get involved with me anymore.

I forgot how that day went on. I just felt that I was in an emotional, shameful and sullen mood ever since.

Later, Kiro would come to me almost every day, probably because he wanted to continue to be friends with me. However, I couldn’t deal with this mood of mine, so I constantly avoided him.

Kiro: ….Therefore, I need to familiarize myself with the work of the Star God.

MC: ?

After looking back, I realized that Kiro had turned his head and his eyes met my own.

All the gods are looking at me, and the God of Prophecy with whom I have a good relationship with winked at me.

Kiro: Would you like to spend a day with me, Star God?

[Second Part]

After walking out of the temple, I figured out what happened.

In order to confirm the position of the moon and stars, Kiro asked the Lord God to spend a day with me and get acquainted with each other’s work.

I stood at the door of the temple with a blank stare, not understanding why he wanted to do this.

Does he really want to get involved with me? Or is it just for work? But why do we have to spend a day together if we want to allocate the moon and the stars reasonably?

I couldn’t understand it for a while, but I also couldn’t violate the Lord God’s order, so I had to stand outside the temple gate and wait for Kiro to drive the solar cart to pick me up.

His first task every day is to drive a solar cart to fill the earth with sunlight.

Even though I kept avoiding him, I often belittled myself for being useless, and at the same time asked the God of Prophecy about the situation.

During the day, he was busy dealing with various official affairs, and at night, he stayed alone in the Temple of Sun and Moon, without ever taking a step outside of the temple.

I have been thinking about all the different reasons, but this seems to be Kiro’s secret. Even if the God of Prophecy wanted to tell me, she couldn’t speak.

??: Star God~ Congratulations~

Following the voice, the God of Prophecy walked towards me with a grandiose expression on her face.

MC: Congratulations?

God of Prophecy: Isn’t it worthy of congratulations to spend a day with someone you like?

I quickly covered her mouth and looked around nervously.

This woman can be said to be the god with the most amount of gossip amongst the gods, but she really knows all the secrets of the world. *Changed some wording*

Due to the divine order, she couldn’t tell the secret to anyone, so she often wanted to gossip about others but to no avail, and finally scratched her head in a hurry.

MC: If you talk nonsense, I will destroy your temple!

God of Prophecy: Ok, ok, don’t destroy my temple. You can destroy the gift I gave you instead.

Seeing that I didn’t respond much, she was a little confused.

God of Prophecy: You really haven’t opened the secret scroll I gave you?

God of Prophecy: As long as you open the scroll with your own hands, you can see the secret you want to know the most.

MC: ….I have no secrets that I want to know.

God of Prophecy: Then return it to me!

MC: I put it under the rock next to the galaxy. You gave it to me, how I use it is my own business.

God of Prophecy: You….

The sound of horse hooves interrupted our conversation, and Kiro stopped slowly in front of us while driving a solar chariot pulled by a horse.

Kiro: Have you been waiting long, Star God? *Changed some wording*

God of Prophecy: Even if you made her wait for you for a hundred thousand years, it still wouldn’t be too long for her….

MC: Don’t listen to her nonsense.

I hurriedly interrupted her and immediately climbed into the chariot.

(Cut to the sky)

Kiro chuckled softly. He raised his whip and the horse whinnied and soared into the blue sky.

The daylight poured out from the chariot, the golden morning light flowed slowly like a river, tinting the colour of the sky a little bit golden.

Kiro didn’t seem to intend to return until the daylight dyed the sky.

After smooth sailing, the solar chariot stopped on a lotus pond in the Valley of Spirits.

(Cut to Valley of Spirits)

When he got out of the chariot, the flowers and plants stretched out to reach wherever he passed. The elves woke up from their slumber and surrounded him immediately as if saying hello.

Kiro: This is where I rest. I will come here every day after sunrise.

MC: Are we not checking the positions of the moon and stars….

Before I finished my question, a white deer appeared.

Its breathing was laboured. It then bowed its head and rubbed Kiro’s hand, its white belly bulging. *Changed some wording*

MC: Is it sick?

Kiro looked at it thoughtfully for a while and lightly stroked its stomach.

Kiro: I think it knows that I will be here every day and come to me for help.

Kiro: It seems that it will become a mother today!

I opened my mouth wide in surprise.

MC: Do you still care about this kind of thing?

Kiro: You have to know a little about everything.

He walked to the side of the deer and put his palms close to its body. Its original anxious breathing was slightly calmer.

He slowly squatted down, lying his body softly on top.

Kiro: Don’t be afraid, we will stay with you.

He stroked the deer’s belly gently as if helping it to relieve the pain.

The broad palm of his hand moved lower, and the fine fur was peeking between his fingers.

The soft sunlight formed a hazy mist on the lotus pond.

The deer’s expression gradually eased and its stomach began to rise and fall softly.

Kiro: Like delivering sunlight, what I am doing now is also part of the work of Apollo.

Kiro: I need to witness the rebirth of everything with my own eyes.

Kiro: The existence of life is meaningful, and their blooming will bring beautiful colours to the world.

His voice was very soft, the dazzling sunlight was quietly reflected in his eyes, a clear and profound memory spread out in my mind.

(Flashback)

Not long after we entered the training camp, the priest was telling the theory of “God is equal to all beings”.

Kiro sat beside me, frowned and listened for a long time, then shook his head slightly.

Priest: Kiro, do you have any different opinions?

Kiro: Priest, can God really be equal to all beings?

Priest: Why do you ask?

Kiro: Because you said before that God loves all beings.

Priest: God does love all beings, why can’t all beings be equal?

Kiro: Suppose a poor mother who is committed to goodness steals rice from a robber’s house for the child in her womb.

Kiro: The robber brought the mother to ask God if she had stolen rice.

Kiro: If God answers yes, the robber will kill the mother. If God answers no, he will let the robber lose his property for no reason.

Kiro: At this time, what should God’s answer be; yes or no?

Priest: If it were you, what would you answer?

The priest smiled and turned the question back around. Kiro stuck out his tongue and scratched his head embarrassedly.

Kiro: I am afraid I cannot achieve absolute “equality”.

Kiro: I don’t think that God is heartless.

Kiro: As long as there is love in the heart, it will always be biased towards the other at a certain time.

(Flashback ends)

Leaning to the other side….I slowly squatted down and gently stroked Mother Deer’s head.

At the end of that class, the priest did not judge Kiro’s right or wrong. As he said, Kiro always loved the world in his heart.

He will look down at the earth intently and affectionately when the daylight is falling, and comfort for the mother deer who is waiting to give birth.

He was still as bright and dazzling as I remembered him, illuminating everything around him.

I have no stand because of his rejection, his love just happens to be unbiased to me.

But….

MC: Why did you bring me here and tell me this?

I couldn’t help but utter the doubt in my heart. He raised his eyes, and the corners of his mouth rose into a nice arc.

Kiro: Didn’t we make an agreement?

Kiro: That we would share every day with each other.

I swallowed and hesitated.

MC: So, you told the Lord God that we should be familiar with each other’s work….

Kiro: That’s deceptive.

Kiro: Sorry, I lied.

Kiro: If you don’t do that, I won't know when I will see you.

Kiro: You’ve been avoiding me…and I really miss you so much.

[Third Part]

My eyes suddenly widened and my heartbeat gradually accelerated uncontrollably.

The tenderness in his voice was so profound and I was plunged into chaos.

MC: Why….

Why did you refuse to become the God of Day and Night with me, yet you still say you miss me?

Mother Deer suddenly squirmed and interrupted my thoughts.

It twitched lightly. After a while, a small white deer was lying behind it with closed eyes.

Kiro stood up with a smile, his eyes bright and pure.

Kiro: Let’s go, there’s one more interesting thing I want to share with you.

(Cut to the city)

Stepping into the city-state in the Valley of Elves, I fell in love with this lively scene at first glance.

All kinds of shops are displayed on both sides and elves who are performing shuttle through the valley.

Kiro: Today is the traditional festival of the elves, the Sunshine Festival.

Kiro: In order to thank God for giving them daylight, they would dance at the assembly on this day each year.

A burst of drums sounded suddenly, and the elves stopped their movements altogether.

They formed a circle, accompanied by an ensemble of flutes and danced together without a care in the world.

The lively atmosphere made me forget my complex emotions for a while. I looked around and inadvertently stared at a majestic male elf for a moment.

The elf smiled sweetly at me, then waved at me exaggeratedly.

Are the elves really passionate? This is much cuter than the gods back in the God Realm. *Changed some wording*

I also raised my hand and waved at him vigorously. He was stunned and then walked straight towards me.

As he walked, he took out a pendant necklace with a sun pattern from his arms.

MC: ?

In my confusion, my sight was suddenly blocked by a chest. I raised my head to meet Kiro’s eyes.

Just as I was about to ask him what he was about to do, he opened his palms and out came a dazzling beam of sunlight.

He folded the beam into a beautiful necklace and quickly put it on my neck.

Then, as if inadvertently, he turned slightly so that the elf could clearly see my sun necklace.

The elf immediately stopped and retreated with a hurt face. I blinked confusedly.

MC: What’s wrong?

Kiro: Today, if you give jewelry with sun elements to others, it means that they are….dance partners.

Kiro leaned over, gently holding out one hand in front of me.

Kiro: Beautiful goddess, can I invite you to dance?

MC: Forget it….

Kiro: If not, there’a a blood-sucking monster in the tower over there. *So I’m gonna be honest, I have no idea what he’s saying here. GT gave me, “Place an order at the Fairy Ball. There’s a World of Warcraft Tower.” 😅😂*

MC: ….Is that a lie?

Before I could refuse, he naturally took my hand. The familiar temperature made me shrink back a little unconsciously, but he held me tighter.

His arm was firm, and the hot breath immediately hit me. A crimson blush made its way to the tips of my ears, and my heart was beating violently.

MC: Did you say…. you thought about me sincerely?

My chaotic brain lost the ability to think, and I actually said what I felt aloud.

MC: It doesn’t matter if you don’t answer!

Kiro: As sincere as I can be. *Changed some wording*

I suddenly raised my head and looked into his eyes, pure sincerity seemed to be revealed in those blue eyes.

The rhythm of the music became more and more lively, Kiro motioned to me to follow in his footsteps, leading me in circles on the dance floor to his heart’s content.

When the music came to an end, everyone suddenly surrounded Kiro and me in the middle of the valley.

An elderly elf walked through the crowd, and the elf made a respectful gesture, calling himself the “patriarch” respectfully.

Kiro and I also gestured to him politely. He walked over and patted Kiro’s shoulder with relief.

Patriarch: I declare that they are the most unique couple for this year’s dance party!

MC: Pair??

I hurriedly let go of Kiro’s hand.

MC: No, we are not a pair!

Patriarch: What? Are you really not a couple?

The elven patriarch seemed to be a little confused, but he replied with a clear expression.

Patriarch: This child is quite silly--, you are obviously together! *Changed some wording*

I raised my voice anxiously.

MC: I said, We. Are. Not! *Changed some wording*

Patriarch: What? -You said you are?? *Changed some wording*

He smiled even more.

Patriarch: Your bond is so strong, bless you, my child.

MC: I….

Patriarch: He gave you the most beautiful sunshine jewel, which means that you are in love with each other, and your dancing is also perfect.

MC: Perfect? Our dancing?

I looked at Kiro abruptly who was smiling, his eyes were mottled with light and dark. *Changed some wording*

MC: You, you knew everything?

Kiro: Well, I know the dance of love and harmony.

MC: ….Is it just this?

I raised my hand and waved an enchantment to isolate ourselves from the noises surrounding us so I could let out the grievances in my heart.

MC: Do you still know why I avoided you these days and how I felt?

He didn’t say anything but just lowered his eyes.

It turned out that he really did know, but….he pretended that nothing happened. Even after giving me sunshine jewelry and dancing with me...

I didn’t understand what he was thinking, unwilling and shameful emotions swept through my heart, and I clenched my hand into a fist.

MC: You clearly refused to let me be the Night God, and refused to be with me for a lifetime. Why do you want to dance with me?

He lifted his eyes which were flashing with emotions I couldn’t understand.

Kiro: Can I answer this question for you tomorrow?

Kiro: It’s getting dark, let’s go back.

MC: Why can’t you make it clear today? I’m not sure if I will have the courage to listen to the answers tomorrow.

I took a step back angrily and a monster approached the elf who wanted to give me jewelry.

He stood behind the elf with a weird expression. In the next second, he reached out and held the elf in front of him, opening his mouth wide to reveal horrible fangs.

MC: Monster!

I subconsciously retracted the enchantment and raised my hand to send a sharp divine power to the monster.

He tried to escape, but he was shot in the shoulder by a golden arrow in the next second.

The elves suddenly scattered, the monster latched onto the elf’s shoulders and ran to the depths of the valley.

I looked in the direction from which the arrow came, Kiro was holding a golden bow and arrow. He nodded to me and ran in the direction where the monster escaped.

(Scene change)

In the outskirts of wildflowers, Kiro and I surrounded the monster.

Seeing that he had no way of retreating, the monster slammed into Kiro who was closer to him.

Kiro stood, unmoving, and slowly raised a hand.

The last gleam of the afterglow was hidden behind the thick clouds, and the sky was completely dark.

At that moment when the monster was about to attack Kiro, a brilliant beam of silver light overflowed from Kiro’s palm.

The light gradually enveloped them, dyeing Kiro’s blonde hair silver, and under the light, the beast turned into ashes!

MC: What happened….?

Kiro looked at me and took a step back. The flowers and plants at his feet turned into dust in the blink of an eye following his movements.

I took a deep breath and stared at his feet. He seemed to notice, looking at me with a helpless expression.

??: It’s dark, let’s go back.

His vague response made me feel a little flustered. The answer is there: It gradually became clear in my heart, and my fingertips started to feel cold.

He must be hiding something from me.

I wanted to get close to him, but he backed away in a panic, and I had to stop.

MC: You’re not going to tell me anything, are you?

He lowered his head, his trembling eyelashes cast a shadow on his eyes; full of emotions and secrets.

God of Prophecy: Do you have any secrets you want to know?

The words of the God of Prophecy rang out in my mind, and my heart throbbed.

MC: If you won’t tell me, I have a way of finding out.

[Fourth Part]

Regardless of Kiro’s surprised look, I turned around and ran back to Galaxy.

Taking out the picture scroll under the big rock, I hurriedly opened it, but there was nothing on it.

I got closer but felt a force rushing out of the transparent vortex that had appeared out of thin air.

There was a painful sensation of my body being pulled in. Before I could use any divine power, I was dragged into the scroll by the vortex abruptly.

(Flashback)

Opening my eyes again, I found myself at the doors of the temples.

The majestic palace was deserted, and the voice of someone talking came from the hall. I turned my head towards the sound and saw Kiro above the hall.

Am I….in the picture scroll?

Kiro: I discovered a secret in the book, and I have come to ask you to verify it.

Kiro’s sudden voice interrupted my thoughts. He lowered his head and stood before the Lord God in the lowest possible position.

Kiro: Legend has it that every night the Night God will be cursed by the night, and the Night God will destroy all the living beings and things around him.

Kiro: Many night gods were unable to endure the desolation around them all day long, and eventually came to their own destruction.

Kiro: May I ask the Lord God, is this true?

Lord God: This is the fate of the night god.

Lord God: I let the sun gods accompany the night gods each time, just to try and heal them with the sun god’s divine power, but the effect is minimal.

Kiro took a deep breath, his hands trembled slightly.

Kiro: Please, Lord God….exchange the positions of me and MC.

Lord God: I have already issued a draft order yesterday. Are you sure you want to change it?

Kiro lowered his eyes, wondering what he was thinking. After a while, he raised his head firmly.

Kiro: Then please let me be the god of the sun and the moon.

Kiro: I promise you that no matter what happens, I will not destroy myself.

The Lord God’s expression became a little hesitant thinking over Kiro’s proposal.

Lord God: Are you sure that you will live forever as the god of night and never self-destruct?

Kiro: I am sure.

The Lord God was silent for a moment, and when he spoke again, his slow and flat tone seemed to be putting a curse on the gods.

Lord God: From now on, you are the sun god Kiro, witnessing the rebirth of all things.

Lord God: You are also the night god Helios, all darkness and death surround you.

Lord God: You will bear the curse of darkness on her behalf, struggling between light and darkness forever, and you must not give up.

There was a tingling pain in my heart and I took a couple of steps back….it turned out that everything he did was for me.

Time and space changed again, and I arrived at the drunken night of the graduation ceremony.

(Flashback)

I watched myself leaning against Kiro’s arm, staring up at him.

MC: I’m so glad!

MC: When I become the God of Night, I will give you the brightest star!

MC: Also….we will be like sun gods and the night gods before!

Accompanied for life, forever bound together.

—This is the reason why I dare not look at the scroll for too long. After I finished speaking, I fell into a deep sleep.

And the secret I wanted to know most before was Kiro’s response after I confessed.

I didn’t dare open the scroll, I was afraid of hearing his rejection with my own ears.

Unconsciously holding my breath, I saw his eyes so full of tenderness, as if looking upon the most precious treasure in the world. After a long time, he lowered his head slightly.

The moment our lips touched, a cold liquid dripped on my cheeks.

Kiro: We will.

Kiro: I also want to be with you forever and ever, together.

My nose scrunched up, and I stepped forward subconsciously, but the dazzling light came in an instant.

(Flashback ends)

The palm of my hand was held by a cold one, and when I opened my eyes, I returned to the galaxy.

I looked down at the hand that was holding mine. The broad hand was soft yet powerful as if it would protect me from all dangers.

Looking up from my arm, I look up at the person coming--

Helios sat next to me, looking at me worriedly. Because of his approach, the shoots that had just emerged from the moist soil immediately lost their lustre of life.

The stars in the pond of the galaxy were extremely dim, and the faint starlight reflected on Helios’ profile, making his face even more gloomy.

As if sensing my gaze, Helios instantly retracted his hand, got up immediately, and stood far away from me.

Helios: You didn’t look well back at the Sunshine Festival, so I chased after you….

Helios: Are you okay?

MC: I’m fine….

But what about you?

I took a few steps towards him, trying to clearly see the emotions in his eyes, but the warmth of them blurred everything in front of me.

How can Kiro, who has always treated people kindly, face all the barrenness and devastation that he causes after each night?

I don’t know anything about it, I just avoid him and don’t allow him to explain.

Feelings of regret and guilt hit my heart, and I opened my mouth, but I didn’t know what to say.

His eyes avoided mine as if he didn’t want me to see him like this.

Helios: If you are okay, I will leave first.

I hurriedly took his hand, anxiously trying to keep him from leaving.

MC: Didn’t we want to share this day?

MC: The day isn’t over yet, and I haven’t shared everything about me with you.

Worried that he would refuse, I took the initiative to drag him to the galaxy. He stood far away, his hands and feet somewhat cemented.

Helios: I’m afraid my power will destroy your stars.

That bitter feeling came up again, I ignored it and took his hand gently, and a star was raised in the galaxy.

MC: No, I am here.

He seemed a little scared, his hands trembling imperceptibly.

I tried my best to force a smile, wrap his palm in mine, infusing a supernatural power.

The stars lit up instantly, shining with golden lights, just like the sunlight rising from us.

Something in his eyes seemed to kindle, and he stared at the stars in his hands unblinkingly, as if he did not dare to use a trace of strength.

Seeing him so cautious, with nerves tingling, I took a deep breath.

MC: I’m very sorry.

MC: I didn’t know anything about this earlier, and I kept doubting you.

Helios: I shouldn’t hide from you, and I never want to hide from you.

Helios: It’s just that….I didn’t know what to say.

Helios: I don’t want to make you feel guilty.

MC: I won’t be like that again in the future.

MC: But please let me stay by your side every night like I am now, and accompany you through the most difficult moments of the day.

Helios froze for a moment, his cold eyes trembled lightly as if an unconcealable emotion was about to come out.

Helios: Don’t you think…. I am a very bad night god?

MC: No, your intention was never that way.

MC: You will look at each life tenderly, respecting the meaning of their existence.

MC: You took my place and endured all the darkness for me, willing to fall between light and darkness every day.

MC: You are the most competent, gentle, and best god I have ever seen.

I slowly put my forehead against his and watched his eyes gradually shine brightly.

MC: So, if it’s not too late for you, I want to honour my promise that night to you.

I pressed my hand to the back of his hand holding the star.

MC: I want to give this brightest star to you.

MC: This is the first thing I wanted to do after becoming a star god.

A warm smile overflowed from the corner of his lips, and the star in his palm was close to his heart.

Helios: I will accept it wholeheartedly. *Changed some wording*

MC: I still have a lot of things I want to do with you and a lot of things I want to say to you, is that okay?

He looked at me deeply for a while, and the starlight flickered in his blue eyes.

Helios: Of course.

MC: So….if I say I also want to share our lives together….is that okay?

Helios: This is obviously the question I should be asking you.

Helios: I want….to share my life with you.

He looked at me, his eyes no longer avoiding mine, but he was a little quiet which made me feel distressed and sad.

MC: It would be my pleasure.

The flickering starlight was gentle and bright, softly illuminating the smile in his eyes.

Helios: Let’s start now.

Helios: This week, how did you spend every day, what happened. I want to hear you tell me in person.

Helios: Before the stars fall asleep, we have time.

End

(You can read the call that comes after the date here!)

#mlqc spoilers #mlqc #mr love queens choice #mr love dream date #mr love #mr love game #mlqc kiro #mr love kiro #mldd kiro #周棋洛 #date translation #THIS DATE WAS SO BEAUTIFUL!!!#I ABSOLUTELY ADORE IT!!!

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ephemereos · 3 years

Text

Indulging further into the hyperfixation with another kawoshin au.

Farmer Shinji x Alien Kaworu

Accidentally set it in america dhjbfjke both of them are between 18 and 20, didn't really think of a precise age.

As for warnings, mentions of torture in regards to Kaworu's past, but nothing too graphic, I'm not going into detail.

In this au I came up with absolutely for like pure self indulgence, Kaworu is an alien who ran to Earth to take shelter from an invasion happening on his planet. They are humanoid aliens, with extremely high empathy and abilities to understand other living beings' emotions perfectly. They are a pacifist race, reason why they were so easily invaded, as their defenses were low. Kaworu's safety spaceship crashes on earth, getting the attention of the authorities and he's immediately brought into a government research lab. Kaji works as a guard there and can't stand the thought of a living, breathing being getting tortured and experimented on. Especially when it looks so much like a human. The research facility had never done experiments on living beings, they mostly focused on rocks, plants, other matter that seemed to come from outer space and that needed analysis.

Kaji decides to break Kaworu free, creating a foolproof plan beforehand, taking multiple weeks. He has the sympathy of other guards and workers from the facily, who too empathise with the alien, deeply upset at how he’s being treated. Kaji’s able to break Kaworu free, getting him into his car and then speeding away to the safety of his small house in a rural town in the middle of the countryside.

The first thing he does it patch Kaworu up: bandage his cuts from the vivisection, cover hos bruies from the blood withdrawals with cream. He becomes Kaworu’s surrogate father, constantly making sure to tend to his wounds while he’s recovering, the boy spending a few days of total moping around between Kaji’s guest bed and the couch because he is just so exhausted and in pain from the experiments. When Kaji is working he alternates naps to watching tv, curious about human entertainment. He loves animal documentaries or historical ones. Once a few days have passed and he seems to be doing better, as well as Kaji being sure no one is onto him, the man decides to take him for a small ride to his trusted farm where he gets fresh produce, wanting Kaworu to get some fresh air and having promised he’d let him see cows in real life.

Shinji finished Highschool and, unlike his parents had thought, he has no desire to go to university. The school years have exhausted him to the point that the thought of more studying makes him sick. So over the summer, while his parents travel around the country for their job as researchers, he started working at his aunt Misato’s farm, taking quite a liking to it. He likes staying with the animals, tending to the plants. It’s tiring, but he enjoys it and makes him feel alive. Kaji is a regular and always welcome at the farm.

Kaji prked his car near the cows before going to Misato to ask for what he needed. Shinji is the one who had to bring the produce to his car while Kaji and Misato chat. What Shinji didn’t expect to see was an albino boy looking at the cows with the eye sparkles a little kid would have. The boy is quite cheerful and friendly; he asks for Shinji’s name as well as the cows’. What unsettles Shinji the most is seeing all his bruises and bandages: around his hands, his arms, his neck even. When Kaji comes around he pats Kaworu on th3 shoulder, saying it’s his nephew visiting him. Shinji immediately thinks abuse is going on. He doesn’t want to make a scene, nor is he sure of his suspicions, so he keeps quiet and watches the two go away.

The following day Shinji decides to take his bike and go to Kaji's place, using excuse that he forgot a bag of apples and needs to deliver it to him to get the address out of Misato. He bikes to his house, walking quietly around it to peer inside and see if the albino boy is there.

"I didn't expect to see you around the house."

Shinji almost shits himself. The boy is behind him, calm as he can be, smiling at the brunette. Kaworu invites Shinji inside and an awkward conversation starts, Shinji worried sick and trying to understand if Kaji is the one at fault for Kaworu's wounds. Kaworu quickly picks up where Shinji is going and reassures him that no, it wasn't Kaji and he would never do anything like that to him. Shinji is relieved, but not completely, still anxious to understand who might have hurt the other boy that bad. Kaworu takes a while, his high empathy analyzing Shinji and his behaviours in an attempt to understand if he's completely safe as he seems or not. Eventually, Kaworu decides to tell him the truth, making Shinji promise to not tell anyone else.

Shinji ends up hanging out with Kaworu all day, now curious to understand the other, until Kaji comes home and chaos ensues. He’s mad at Kaworu for exposing them and possibly putting them at risk, but when Kaworu tells him his reasons and that he thought that maybe, having allies in the city would help them, Kaji calms down and realizes that having a bit of support might not hurt. He talks to Misato, explains the situation and she’s surprisingly very calm about it. She tells Kaji that, if he’s worried, he could leave Kaworu with them during the day as he works. The farm is in the countryside, it’s quite isolated and Kaworu would be safe there.

Until Kaworu’s wounds are fully healed, Misato only asks him to keep an eye on the cattle or feed the chickens, trying to keep his labour to a minimum to avoid opening up his wounds again. After that he helps shinji in the fields and doing other things that might be more tiring. The two grow a lot closer, goofing around on their spare time, Shinji sometimes taking Kaworu to arcades in the evening, having him wear a big goodie with the hood pulled up so that he won’t be easily spotted as an outsider.

Their peace is soon broken as Kaji starts suspecting that the facility might be onto them and he tries to find a solution. He can’t run away with Kaworu, he would immediately become suspicious and be tracked down. So Shinji offers to take Kaworu away. He has money put aside for what was supposed to be his university fund. He has a van his parents got him instead of a car because he wanted to be able to drive but also help Misato with deliveries and such. He and Kaworu quickly pack their things, leaving instructions to Misato as to what to say to his parents in case they call her and ask about him, instead of calling him directly, and then they run off, stopping in a city farther from their own to buy supplies to modify the van, turning it into a livable space.

They keep travelling, only stopping for very short periods of time and picking up short jobs like dog sittinng and lawn mowing to avoid spending all of the money saved (it’s quite a bit but they have no idea how long they’ll be on the run and want to avoid tricky situations). Kaworu gets to see the world, the beauty of nature and many different people and Shinji gets out of his comfort zone too.

They grow closer with each day, especially considering there is only one bed. But they soon don’t mind at all and all embarrassment is gone. Sometimes Shinji stays up longer, and stares at Kaworu’s scars, feeling a pit in hos stomach at the thought of what could have happened if Kaji hadn’t intervened. Kaworu, being a creature based on empathy, can feel Shinji’s emotions crystal clear even in his sleep and wraps his arms around Shinji in an attempt to soothe him. It works every time, with Shinji curling in closer to Kaworu and calming down, eventually falling asleep to the other’s heartbeat.

#kawoshin #kaworu x shinji #kawoshin fanfic #kawoshin drabble #nge #evangelion #neon genesis evangelion #kaworu nagisa #kaworu #shinji ikari #shinji #it took me a few days to type this out #fanfic #drabble #scene speaking

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ficforce · 3 years

Text

Baby HC

Akitaru Obi

Obi cheered when Y/N told him the news and hugged her tight

Too tight, he was worried he’d squished the baby

He wouldn’t let Y/N do anything for the first few months

Y/N appreciated the gesture but told him firmly that she was pregnant, not dying

When Y/N got bad morning sickness he sent her to bed and made her something to help calm her stomach

Cleaned up the vomit without complaint

He brought his work to their room so he could stay with her

Will go out on ‘cravings’ trips at a moment’s notice

He loves to talk to the bump

Obi was there for the birth to give his support

He nearly ran out to show everyone his newborn… the baby was still attached to Y/N

Hinawa Takehisa

Went very quiet at the news, sat down and removed his glasses

He wasn’t crying, there was something in his eye

Made a strict list of what activities could be dangerous for Y/N and the baby

Y/N was fine with this and requested Shinra and Arthur to be her lackeys; this was agreed

Hinawa made teas, got cool flannels and rubbed Y/N’s back when she got morning sickness

Had no issue cleaning up vomit but that’s what recruits are for

Hinawa continued working as usual but checked in on Y/N often

Will try to negotiate whether a ‘cravings’ trip was absolutely needed – sent Vulcan to get it

Will be touching the bump every chance he got

Hinawa was present at the birth to go through breathing excercises

He got something in his eye when he saw his baby, he wasn’t crying…

Leonard Burns

Was shocked at the news and needed to sit and process it for a second

Grinned like an idiot and kissed Y/N until she was breathless

He tried to be around more so Y/N took care of herself, tried to help wherever he could

Y/N knows he’s busy and tries to play off her tiredness

When he was there and morning sickness hit, he sat with her and held her until she felt better

Had to force Y/N to bed because she insisted on cleaning up – not on his watch

Burns calls several times a day to check on Y/N

Will buy her anything she wants and have it delivered, this includes things she looked at for more than 2 seconds

Burns likes to sit her in his lap and stroke the bump, he feels bad that it got so big while he was away

He missed the birth but he tried his hardest to get there, Burns praises Y/N and presses kisses to her temple over and over

Ignores calls all day to marvel at his tiny baby

Karim Flam

Made a high pitched sound and nearly choked on air

He hugged Y/N close and couldn’t get a proper sentence out

Y/N wasn’t allowed to do anything, Karim always appeared out of nowhere to help

She threatened to beat him to death if he didn’t calm down, Foien played mediator

Karim moved his work around so that he could be with her when she got morning sickness, he was good at cooling her down when she was too hot

Cleaning up vomit is easy if you freeze it first

When he couldn’t check in on Y/N he sent Foien… he’s the Sol Father afterall.

Karim tries to swap out her ‘cravings’ for healthier options – the main word being, ‘tries’

He loves the bump, he’d likes the way Y/N looks with it and he loves to play music to it

Birth traumatised him. He wasn’t sure what to do, Y/N may have been possessed and he nearly got a concussion

Karim was really nervous of holding his baby but when a tiny hand wrapped around his finger… mjeigfh!!!

Charon

Y/N’s what? Really? Are you sure? A baby? Like a real baby? Did I do that?!

The man grinned from ear to ear all day and carried Y/N around like a trophy

Charon has lackeys for his lackeys and he’s ordered them to do everything for Y/N

Y/N insisted that that was an overreaction and threatened to burn him and his lackeys if they didn’t back off

Providing he’s not doing something he can’t ignore, Charon would help Y/N with her morning sickness

He’s very gentle when he helps her clean-up, a little vomit doesn’t bother him

Charon has taken to secretly checking on Y/N because she said he’s too much

He joins in on the ‘cravings’ even the weird ones

Constantly touching the bump. Asking the bump questions until Y/N makes him stop

The man hates when Y/N is in pain, he hates that he did that to them and helps throughout the birth

He holds Y/N and his baby close all day, telling them both how perfect they are

Joker/52

You’re kidding right…? Right? Oh… Oh. Joker has a small crisis but manages to keep it to internal screaming

Once he’s over the shock of it, Joker cries and he’s not sure why because he’s so happy

He’s ridiculously cautious. He won’t let Y/N lift a finger and worries constantly

Y/N has to sit him down and explain she’s not going to break

Joker thought she was dying, she looked terribly and she was throwing up and she was definitely broken

When Y/N gets upset that she made a mess he takes the time to help her change and comforts her

Duvet days, he stays in bed with her and rubs her stomach to help her nausea

He will literally steal from children if they have something Y/N is ‘craving’. If she wants it then she’s getting it

It’s so round! Joker likes to gently poke it and wait for the baby to move

!!!!!

He’s crying. He’s emotional and tired and looks worse than Y/N after giving birth – he loves them so much

Shinmon Benimaru

He nodded his head slowly in acknowledgment when Y/N told him, giving him a moment to absorb it

Beni’s eyes are little watery because of allergies and he hugs Y/N close for a long moment

Beni is stubborn and scolds Y/N anytime she does something vaguely labour intensive

Y/N is just as stubborn and carrying paperwork isn’t going to kill her

His boots were the first casualty of morning sickness, he wasn’t happy about being thrown up on but Beni pat her back and helped her through the worst

Cleaning up vomit is beneath him… however he’s happy to help Y/N clean up herself

He can’t force Y/N to go back to bed but he can declare naptime, using her lap as a pillow and forcing her to stay put

Refuses to get her weird ‘cravings’ but that’s what the twins and Konro are for

The bump takes up all the room on Y/N’s lap so Beni has no choice but to use the bump as a pillow, Y/N complains it tickles when her traces patterns on it

Beni was upset that he missed the birth, he had wanted to be there for Y/N but he had needed to protect the town from an attack.

He won’t let go of his baby, if you want to hold his baby you better be willing to fight him – or be Y/N

Sagamiya Konro

He wasn’t surprised but he was so happy. Konro lifted Y/N into a hug and grinned like a fool before announcing it to anyone near by

Konro had been trying to get Y/N pregnant since she had said she wouldn’t mind it

He helps out with everything he can but Konro doesn’t treat Y/N like glass, he is a little more protective

Y/N thinks he over reacted when one of the Hikeshi let her carry a heavy box - poor guy thought he was going to die

The amount of times she had cleaned up after him and looked after him when he was sick, he didn’t even think to complain when she threw up

Konro makes Y/N tea to settle her stomach and helps her relax

Her ‘cravings’ are strong and he is very concerned… however, he’ll get her anything she wants

Konro feels immense pride when he sees her bump, he’d like to keep her like that forever

Konro stayed with Y/N during the birth, helping them breathe and acting as a pillow when they needed the support

His baby is the most perfect thing in the world, he can’t want to have another…and another.

#fire force #sagamiya konro #shinmon benimaru #joker/52 #charon #karim flam #leonard burns #hinawa takehisa #akitaru obi #reader #babies #HC

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potionsprefect · 3 years

Text

Not One But Two

Pairings: Ethan Ramsey x Victoria Clarke

Word Count: 1.6k

Summary: The baby scan throws them a little surprise

Rating: General Audiences

Category: Fluff

A/N: I wasn’t going to make this a series but after @queencarb asked if there was gonna be one, I couldn’t resist! Thank you girl for the inspiration ❤️

First part here

The morning sun was shining through the windows, lighting up everything in its path. The birds were chirping softly outside the window and inside the large master bedroom, a couple laid contently amongst the duvet.

“Do you reckon we could call in sick and just spend the day in bed?” Victoria asked.

A rich chuckle sounded from near her belly. Her husband had his head on her stomach, stroking her soft skin and pressing kisses to it every so often.

“We could, but then that would look really suspicious when we turn up for our scan.” Ethan replied.

“Who would ever question the Ramsey’s?”

“Anyone who wants to have their privileges revoked.” Ethan shrugged.

“One look from you and they’d be off running. I remember what it was like during my intern year.” Victoria laughed.

“All of them ran, apart from you.” Ethan said turning his face towards her.

“Not even scare mongering from the great Ethan Ramsey himself could make me run away from him.” Victoria smiled, running a hand through his hair.

“And I’m glad you didn’t.” Ethan moved further up her body to press a chaste kiss to her lips. “Because now we’re happily married and you’re growing our beautiful little baby.” Ethan caressed her slightly swollen stomach.

“I never realised how content you’ve become.” Victoria smiled.

“Being with the right woman will do that to a man.” Ethan smiled kissing Victoria, stroking her hair. “Pregnancy suits you.”

“You’re flattering me.”

“It’s not flattery if it’s true. Maybe you should become pregnant all the time.” Ethan ran his thumb across her lips.

“Are you saying I wasn’t well suited before?” Victoria teased.

“I’m saying pregnancy brings out the beauty in you. And you can’t argue with that.” Ethan replied.

“I’ll take your word for it.” Victoria said.

“You better Mrs Ramsey.”

“Of course Mr Ramsey.”

— — — — —

Since they found out she was pregnant, Ethan had limited Victoria’s tasks in the hospital. If there was a trauma, she was only allowed to treat the green and yellow tags. She was exempt from any x rays, scans and infectious patients and was allowed regular breaks.

Victoria had tried to tell Ethan she wasn’t made of glass and could still carry out her normal duties. They agreed to disagree on their opinions on traumas but came to an mutual agreement that Victoria could have regular breaks, particularly because her back and feet were constantly killing her.

“There you are Sienna.” Victoria said heading towards her friend.

“What’s up?”

“I need to run upstairs for something, could you send this to the lab for me?”

“No problem. Fancy lunch later on?”

“Sounds great. I’m sorry I’ve been a bit down lately.”

“You don’t need to apologise! We all have our low moments. Although for you I’m guessing there will be a lot of high ones soon.” Sienna smirked glancing at Victoria’s stomach.

“How did you...?”

“The signs were all there, although I properly suspected when I saw you dashing into the bathroom earlier.” Sienna chuckled.

Victoria stared eyes wide at her friend. Although her morning sickness was not as severe as she expected, she thought she had avoided anyone noticing. Apart from Ethan of course.

“How far along?” Sienna asked quietly, making sure no one was listening.

“I found out last week, I’ve got my appointment in 15 minutes.” Victoria smiled.

“Ahh! I’m so happy for you!” Sienna squealed giving Victoria a hug. “Don’t worry I won’t tell the others.”

“Thanks Si. I’ve gotta head upstairs.” Victoria replied heading off down the hall.

“Good luck!” Sienna smiled.

Victoria headed down the corridor and up to OB where she checked in and waited for her name to be called. She text Ethan telling her where she was but didn’t get a reply.

Another 15 minutes had passed and Ethan still hadn’t turned up. She tried texting him and even calling him but he didn’t pick up. Where was he?

“Victoria? Would you like to come through?” Janice Myers, head of OB called out to her with a smile.

Victoria took one last look down the corridor and then followed Janice into one of the exams rooms.

“So how have you been?” Janice asked as she took a seat at her desk whilst Victoria sat on the exam bed.

“Not too bad. The morning sickness isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I’m not throwing up as often as I thought I would.” Victoria replied.

“It’s always different in every case, some women have it bad, others barely have any. I guess you’re lucky.” Janice replied.

“Very lucky.” Victoria chuckled.

“Is Ethan not with you?”

“There must be an emergency downstairs. I’ll find him later.”

“Ok let’s get started.”

Victoria lied down on the bed and lifted up her top as Janice put some of the gel on her stomach. She placed the wand gently to the gel and on the screen flickered a black and white image.

“There we go.” Janice smiled moving the screen so Victoria could see.

Victoria smiled at the screen, her eyes glistening with emotion. She could just make out the tiny figure.

“I’d say you’re about eight weeks, healthy size, everything looks good.” Janice smiled.

“That’s a relief. That’s all I could hope for.” Victoria said.

“Indeed.” Janice said looking at the screen. She suddenly furrowed her brows and looked at the screen more closely.

“What is it?” Victoria asked noticing the change in her demeanour.

“See for yourself.” Janice chuckled slightly pointing to the screen.

Victoria scanned the screen, looking for anything that would’ve caused Janice to take a second look. She then saw it, and her eyes widened in surprise.

“Is that...” Victoria trailed off.

“A second heartbeat.” Janice smiled.

Victoria stared at the tiny little heartbeat then darted her eyes back to the original one. “Wow.”

Janice laughed slightly. “I have to admit, I never believed Ethan would marry, but being the father of twins? Now that is something I can’t wait to see.”

“Double the trouble for the both of us.” Victoria laughed a little. “I thought twins meant the morning sickness would be worse.”

“It is usually but I guess you’re even luckier than you realise. Both babies are looking healthy and are at a decent size. I’ll print out some photos and a sheet of things to look out for over the next few weeks. Are you taking any vitamins?”

“No I was going to pick some up on my way home.”

“I’ll write you a prescription. That way you can avoid any unwanted looks or gossip.” Janice smiled.

“Thank you.” Victoria smiled back.

Victoria headed out the room and back downstairs still shocked from the news that she was having twins. Ethan is going to kick himself that he missed that she thought.

By the end of the year, there wouldn’t be just one baby in their lives, there would be two. The thought of that made her feel giddy with excitement.

Victoria scanned the corridors trying to spot her husband. He wasn’t in any of the filled rooms nor was he by the nurses station. Victoria then decided to head to his office and wait for him there. She fired a quick text to Sienna.

Rain check on lunch? Need to tell Ethan something x

Sienna immediately replied:

No worries, hope the appointment went ok. Just dealt with a massive trauma so would’ve been delayed anyway! X

Victoria headed into Ethan’s office and sat down in his chair. She text Ethan telling him where she was and waited.

Her eyes scanned the room, his office was bare with only a few additions over the years. On his desk was a picture of them at their wedding, smiling at each other as they did their first dance. Next to it was a single photo of Victoria, grinning as she held a drink in her hand.

Victoria smiled at the photos, knowing Ethan would soon be adding a third photo to the collection. Or possibly a fourth if he wanted one photo of each baby.

The sound of the door opening and closing made her look up and there stood Ethan, looking panicked and angry with himself.

“Vic I am so sorry. We had a major trauma come in and when I thought it was over, they just kept rolling in.” Ethan said breathlessly making his way over to her and kissing her forehead as she stood up.

“Ethan it’s fine. I know how stressful it can be working in the ER. It’s ok.” Victoria ran her fingers across the lines of his face, trying to relive some of the tension he was feeling.

“But I missed the scan! Was everything ok?”

“You might want to sit down.” Victoria directed him to the chair. If he heard the news she had to share standing up, he’d probably faint.

“What is it? Is everything ok?” Ethan asked looking up at her.

“See for yourself.” Victoria reached into her pocket and pulled out the scan. She handed it to Ethan.

Ethan directed his eyes between the scan and Victoria unsure what to say. He could feel his heart pounding - whether it was the adrenaline from treating over 30 casualties or from staring at the scan he didn’t know.

Twins.

“Ethan?” Victoria’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

“This is...” Ethan trailed off.

“Unexpected?”

“I was going to say amazing.” Ethan smiled.

“That’s not the reaction I had when I first saw them.” Victoria laughed a little. “Double the trouble for us.”

“Even when they’re on their third detention in a week.” Ethan chuckled as he stood up and wrapped his arms around her.

Victoria sighed against his chest as Ethan’s hands ran up and down her back.

“Looks like we’re going to have to buy double of everything.” Victoria looked up at him.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Ethan pulled her in for a kiss, lingering for a few moments before he then pressed a loving kiss to her stomach.

— — — — —

Labour fic up next!

Hope you enjoy this!

Tag list: @ohchoices @openheartfan @queencarb @genevievemd @iemcpbchoices @choicesaddict5 @schnitzelbutterfingers @alina-yol-ramsey @i-bloody-love-drake-walker

#open heart #ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #play choices #pixelberry #fanfic #series #fanfic series #fluff

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coloraturadiva · 4 years

Text

A mistake - Chapter 3

Pairing: Napoleon Solo x F!Reader (You)

Summary: Napoleon realises he had made a mistake

Chapters: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

Warnings: angst, fluff, pregnancy (I’m sure I forgot something...)

Word Count: 2692

A/N: a special thank you to my lovely beta @iloveyouyen ! This is the third and last chapter of this story, I hope you’ll like it 😉

Disclaimer: a strict work of fiction, I own nothing except the original characters and the plot line. In no way am I affiliated to any of it.

Feedback, reblogs and constructive criticism are appreciated!

Please don't post any of my content anywhere else without my permission. Comments and reblogs welcome!

Tagging some people that never asked for it and others that actually did: @iloveyouyen @littlefreya @aletheladyinred @madbaddic7ed @promptandpros @mrsaugustwalker @jencanbeyouryengeralt @radaofrivia @henrythickcavill @ladyreapermc @mary-ann84 @onlyhenrys @qualitynightkoala @eefjedegraaf @summersong69 @minillamakeup-blog @trippedmetaldetector @maan24 @bichibibi @rn7rocks

Knock knock

“What are you doing here?”

There he was. You had heard no words from him for the past 2 weeks. As he said, he came to the house the day after he left to collect his things when you were at work and left his keys in the mailbox.

Now he stood on your doorstep looking like he was the one suffering from morning sickness. He was looking terrible, not his usual spit and polish self. Pale, his lips dehydrated, the eyes dull and puffy, the hair messy: he looked like he had aged 20 years in 14 days.

“Can I come in?”

“Of course” you felt unsure about his intentions, but you let him in nevertheless . “This is still your house anyway”. You didn't hear a word from him or his lawyer. You had expected a phone call or even papers delivered to you in a couple of days, but nothing happened, and you thought that he had been whisked away on a mission before having the time to arrange the situation with a lawyer.

“What do you want?” you asked him, not daring to look at him in the eye, fearing you'd burst out crying. You had cried so much during the past weeks that you thought you had no more tears in you, but his sudden appearance made you feel teary all over again.

“I left two very important things there” he answered in a soft, but raspy tone. Even his voice didn't sound like it used to be.

“Really?” you tried to sound polite, even if a million of different emotions were raging in your head: anger, fear, sorrow, loneliness, the urge to kiss him one last time... “What? I haven't seen anything...”

“My wife and my baby”.

“What?” your head span. You didn't trust your legs and went to sit on the closest seat you could find: an armchair in the parlour.

He followed you, terrified. His face turned even paler than before.

“What happened? Are you unwell?” he kneeled in front of you, his voice trembled with worry.

Your head snapped up. You looked at him in the eye for a second and... slapped him. You slapped him with all the force you had in your body. Maybe slapping a CIA agent wasn't the best idea for your safety, but you couldn't help yourself. He had to steady himself on the nearby sofa not to fall.

“YOU IDIOT! You come here out of nowhere after having left your PREGNANT wife and you even have the courage to ask me what happened and if I am unwell?! Of course I'm unwell, you broke my heart!” you were flushed, your breath laboured.

He looked at you wide eyed.

“I'm so sorry...” he began in a pleading tone, looking at his hands: he was still wearing his wedding band. Like you. “I panicked. I fucked it all up big time. I know I don't deserve to ask for anything and I'll understand if you won't get me back, but I had to try. I couldn't let go of everything we have built this way. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing I hadn't tried to get you back.”

“You did, all with your hands” you retorted bitterly.

“I know. And I'm the most stupid and undeserving man in the world. But I'm madly in love with you and I can't let you go for any reason.”

“Except an unwanted child” you bashed him.

He bowed his head.

“I... I wasn't expecting it. Coming home and seeing you with a bump...”

“No, you never wanted it, it's not the surprise factor. That would have caused you to stay speechless, to panic for ten minutes, to say something stupid, not to leave me in less than two minutes, without giving me the opportunity to explain, with those bitter words.”

“Bitter words?” he asked lost.

“I knew a baby would have come to separate us. That's what you said. It's not the baby's fault! How can it be? It's your fault! You went away treating me like a broken object, without even looking at me. Not even an animal deserves to be treated that way! And you started to talk about divorce papers in less than three seconds after having realised I was pregnant. That broke my heart, you know that? That physically broke my heart! That evening I thought I was gonna die right on the floor, where you had left me! And why did you do that? Because things weren’t going like you wanted, because I displeased you! How awful! And it happened ONCE. Once in all the years we have been together! Well, sorry, but I was not born with the sole purpose to please your cravings and your ego, I’m human too and I have my interests and my wishes as well. You always knew, from the very start, that I wanted to build a family with you, but you were so obsessively against the idea of having kids that I renounced my own wishes because I wanted to be with you. I’m sure you believe that I did get pregnant on purpose, but I didn’t do it, I swear. I was as surprised as you when I found out. I’m not the one that goes behind other people's backs, you are... So you wanted to punish me for something that’s not my fault, or, at least, is your fault as well. Of course! You are the important one here, while I’m the stupid, lovesick woman that offended you by getting pregnant, but I’ll never feel sorry about loving my baby! You can’t throw away people like a broken toy because things aren’t going like you have planned. I won’t accept it.”

He felt ashamed of himself like he never felt in his whole life. Stealing, the black market, spying, that was nothing compared to what he had done to you without even realizing.

“And you know what's the worst part of it?” you continued. “That I loved you. I kept on loving you anyway. Even if you had treated me so bad, I couldn't bring myself to hate you. Hating you would have made everything easy, but it was impossible. When I arrived home after work the day after you left, I hoped to find you there, or at least that you hadn't come to take away your things. That would have meant that you were in doubt, that you were still thinking about it. But when I arrived home, I saw that all was gone. Your wardrobe was empty, your drawers were empty, your library was empty, even the comforting smell of you was gone from this house. My heart broke yet again. It was really the end...”

You started sobbing, all the emotions of the past weeks washed over you at once. You felt overwhelmed.

"Do you want to know why I left?" he asked looking at the floor after having taken a deep breath. "Because I'm scared…"

"Oh, don't tell me!" you answered sarcastically. "The hero, the great secret agent is scared of a baby! Please, I'm not that stupid…"

"I'm not scared OF a baby." He whispered. "I'm scared FOR the baby. And for you".

"What?" you asked not getting his point. What was to be scared about? Women get pregnant and babies are born everyday. It's normal, it's natural.

"I… I've always been worried about your safety…" he hesitated. "You know who I am, you know what I have done, you know what I do… I can't control everything, I can't be here to protect you all the time. I'm constantly worried that one day someone could decide to seek revenge against me by hurting you. It's something that has been burning me from the inside since the very first time I saw you. I can't bear the thought of you getting hurt because of me. You don't deserve it, it's not right. I've done my fair share of bad things, but you are innocent, you shouldn't be in this mess… But you are right, I'm an egoist. Even if I wanted you to be safe, I loved you too much, I wanted you to be mine… Even if it was a risk for you… That's why I never wanted a baby. Thinking of you being in danger is already a big hardship for me, but a baby… That's too much. That's not a life for a baby. I know very well how it hurts you having me to stay away on missions all that time, not knowing if I'll come back all in one piece. That's wrong. A baby and a young mother shouldn't be living like that… That's why I panicked, that's why I left. I thought that with me gone, maybe you could have been safe, you could have built a new and better life for the two of you. Maybe with a better man… That’s it. I panicked and in my head, going away was a way to protect you..." he paused for long minutes, playing nervously with his wedding ring. "What can I do to make amends?” he begged. “Please, tell me.”

You kept on crying. You had no idea. You loved him, but he had hurt you so much you didn't know what you really wanted.

He was devastated. Seeing you crying, so trembling and fragile and all because of him made him feel physically sick.

He didn't think too much about it, or at the consequences: he went to sit on the armrest of the armchair and took you into his arms. He didn't move, he didn't caress you, he just held you still.

At first you were stiff, unsure about the unexpected contact, but soon enough you melted in his arms. It felt so good to be back where you felt you belonged after such a long time. You were unsure if you could ever forgive him, but you also knew that you couldn't live without him.

“What made you change your mind?” you suddenly asked in a whisper. “Why did you come here today?”

“You. Both of you.” He hesitated, his voice trembled. He sounded deeply emotional. “I mean, I love you. It's you, it's our baby. I don't want you to be with another man… I want to see our baby grow… I know it's a risk and I don’t know if I can protect you, but at least I want to try. I can't let you go… "

“Our baby” you sobbed.

“Yes, of course you were right. Like you are always right. It takes two to make a baby. I can't blame everything on you. I'm sure I did my part… I’m just a scared idiot, but I love you. It only took me too long to realise how much I love you and how important you and the baby are for me. More important than my fears.”

“The baby as well?”

“Yes, the baby as well. I love both of you so much”.

You sighed. He sounded like he meant his words. He sounded like himself again. A tired Napoleon, but your Napoleon.

“I... Your... Your grandmother visited me.”

“My grandmother? How? I don't know where you are staying now. How does she?”

“She probably has been a secret agent for all her life and never told a soul. I can't find a different explanation” he smiled. “Her methods are also quite... effective. I was there, tormenting myself to decide when was the best moment to come to you, if today was too soon, or already too late, when she knocked on my door, stormed in and gave me a lecture. She talked for 15 minutes straight, I think. She didn't let me say a word. And she beat me with her walking stick.”

“WHAT?”

“I told you her methods are effective. I said something that displeased her, and she wanted to make it clear.”

“You probably deserved it...”

“Indeed. I deserved that and your slap too.”

“You had already decided to come back before her visit?” you changed the subject.

“Yes. Two days after I left you, when I found myself with all my things in a house that wasn't ours and without you and having left you alone, I realised that I made the biggest mistake of my life.”

“That was nearly two weeks ago...”

“I know, but I didn't have the courage to come, I had no idea what to say...”

“And waiting made a difference?”

“Yes, because the more the days passed, the more I was sure that I missed you and that leaving you alone wasn’t the best way to keep you and the baby safe. I realised that I made a big mistake. Not being with you was a mistake… By leaving you I was only hurting you, not protecting you...”

You both fell silent. One secretly praying to not have ruined it all with his own hands, the other reflecting on her feelings, trying to understand if forgiveness was an option.

“Could you ever forgive me?” he asked tentatively after several minutes, still holding you in his arms.

“No.”

He froze. He felt like he had been slapped again. But more forcefully, this time.

“I already did. The moment I let you in, I had already subconsciously forgiven you. I love you too much to live without you, I want to have you there with me. And you came back to me...” you sighed. “You know I can't stay mad at you for too long...” you softly smiled.

“Even after what I did?” he still didn't dare to look you in the eye.

“Even after what you did... I would like to believe that I'm doing it for the baby's sake, but the truth is that I'm doing it for myself. I'm terribly greedy when it comes to you.”

He dared to kiss you on the top of your head. You didn't resist.

It felt so good. It felt simply right.

You suddenly disentangled from his arms and got up from the armchair. You started to walk away.

Napoleon was startled. What was happening? Why did you start to move so suddenly? The kiss was too much?

“Come with me”. He heard your voice from the corridor and bolted in your direction.

He caught up with you in the guest room.

You turned to face him, standing close to a big box.

"Yesterday I saw this crib in a shop and even if it's a bit early, I had to buy it. But I'll need your help to put it together" you smiled weakly.

Napoleon looked at the big box. It was white, decorated with cute pastel green Teddy bears. He always had a penchant for beautiful (and expensive) things, he was an expert in art and antiquities anyway, and was used to treating himself with ridiculously expensive clothes, but had never paid attention to these kinds of things, thinking they would never interest him. However, right now that box looked to him as magnificent as a Raffaello painting.

He neared you gingerly, afraid of doing something wrong.

"Are you sure?”

“Yes. I want to put this crib together with you. And all the rest of the things for the baby. And us. I want us to be together...” you trailed off.

“I miss you”.

“I miss you too.”

You looked down at your growing belly.

“Come here” you threw your arms around his neck. One of Napoleon's hands went instinctively to your belly. You looked carefully at his face. He looked like he was on the verge of tears, but was trying hard not to break apart in front of you.

“How are you?” he sounded suddenly concerned about your health. “How do you feel?”

You cupped his cheek.

“I'm good now” you smiled at him.

“I'm sorry. For everything” he uttered, deep affliction clearly ringing in his voice. "You'll be safe. Both of you. I promise…"

“I know” you answered softly. “Let's forget about the past weeks, shall we? Let's start anew from today.”

“I love you Y/N”.

“I love you Napoleon”.

Thanks to everyone who read my story and made it to the end! 😘

#henry cavill #henry cavill fanfic #napoleon solo #napoleon solo fanfic #fanfic #fan fiction #the man from uncle #napoleonxreader #napoleonsoloxreader #napoleon solo x reader #napoleon solo x you #xyou #napoleon solo x female!reader #female!reader #female reader #wrinting

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robotslenderman · 3 years

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Running my mouth off on the internet, as usual, and someone served me some humble pie by leaving a long, insightful comment backed up with sources as to why I was wrong. It just really got through to me how being shitty to someone on the internet won't actually achieve fuck all, most of the time, just make people defensive.

This isn't me saying "be nice to people being mean to you on the internet". This is me saying my actions need to be in line with what I say I want when I conduct myself. If I say I want someone to actually listen to me, then being shitty to them isn't actually in line with that. If I wanted someone to listen to me, then I know that being shitty to someone isn't going to make that happen, is it? I have to put the emotional labour in to be patient and take the other person in good faith.

But that's hard. A lot of the time it goes nowhere. That's why it's easier to just be nasty -- you know they're not going to listen anyway, so why not just save all the work and make myself feel better for five minutes?

But like. Hard work pays off in the long term, not the short term, and over the long term when I conduct myself like that I just feel shame for thinking that losing my temper and putting people down was okay at all. It takes a lot of work to be patient with someone and to take them in good faith knowing they likely won't return the favour, but creating change is hard work, and does require a lot of emotional labour.

I just have to remind myself that I don't have to choose between two extremes. I don't have to choose between "be nasty" and "put in a lot of emotional labour for someone who's probably not going to put in the same amount of work".

I can just walk away if I don't have the energy or time to do the latter.

It's so goddamn hard to be a better person. Before I got really sick a few years ago I was constantly all about it but it only drove me deep into illness. After I got sick I didn't have the resources to pursue it any more and gave up on it.

But I don't have that excuse any more and I need to do better. I've been slowly working on it; I have been getting better. A few years ago I used to pick fights with internet strangers all the time on tumblr and just rip them to shreds, and I'm proud that I've seriously reduced that.

But sometimes I still slip. And on other websites where I don't have to remember "what will the people I respect think of me if I say this thing?" I am much worse.

I don't want to be. I want to keep doing better. It's hard, but I have to do it for the people around me, and I have to do it for the sake of the causes of the things I believe in. Like if this cause was really important to me, then don't I want to be constructive about fighting for it? Instead of trying to make myself feel like I'm enacting change by ripping people to shreds, when all it does is just drive people off.

I want to be better than this. I want to be someone I can be proud of. And I am far from proud of being that snarky, sarcastic little fuck that picks fights on the internet, even when I lie to myself by telling myself it's for a good cause. Yeah, it's for a good cause, but is this shitty attitude actually going to help it?

If this cause is so damn important to me, then it's important enough to do the hard work for.

#Dusty talks #introspection

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nadiineross · 3 years

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so this is spiderbyte wip which i cannot be bothered to finish but i thought it would be cute n funny if sombra makes them go on a legal vacay together like they go on tripadvisor and dress up like tourists and theyre using their sick days or smth not that i think talon would give either of them sick days since its a terrorist organization.. lol ANYWAY hv fun :)

Widow has no idea how Sombra pulled it off, but she’s hardly surprised since doing unthinkable, and unthinkably stupid, things is sort of Sombra’s schtick. So, here she is, standing in a commercial airport with a neck pillow wedged around her peach-painted elbow and two 4-wheel suitcases at her hip, waiting for her girlfriend to finish taking a piss.

She is, on some level, excited for this actually legal, Talon-cleared weekend-long vacation. It’s not that she thinks she’ll get bored or hate it—after all, Sombra had organized everything and Sombra is one among maybe three people who give a fuck about what Widow thinks about things—but she wonders, sometimes, about the genuineness of her own emotions. She experiences them shallowly. Like they’re dialed down. On occasion, experiences them like a choice; a matter of whether or not she wants to expend energy on reacting to something.

Because of this, she wonders if she fakes them and does it so well, she’s fooled herself. But then what difference would that make?

Yes, she’s happy to spend time with Sombra. Always. It just doesn’t matter to her at all the how and when of it. Doesn’t feel like there’s anything significant about going to a different country with Sombra, partake in new activities with her.

To Sombra, it’s different. She’s been giddy about this for a week, constantly nudging Widow so she’ll lean over and look at whatever part of the travel plan Sombra’s putting together. Sombra feels the urge to see new places and do new things with people she likes to spend time with.

Widow’s okay with sitting in Sombra’s room, with the hip LED strip lights she sees in the “tick tocks” Sombra shows her, doing nothing in between messing around on the bed. Widow’s okay with flying to ass nowhere, Europe, to watch Sombra’s back and shoot people. That’s going somewhere new; that’s doing something new. It’s all the same to her.

But then again, Sombra wants this, so it’s automatically different.

And that’s the extent of Widow’s feelings about this.

Sombra comes bounding out the airport bathroom just as Widow considers going in to check. As soon as she spots Widow, she scowls and moves the pillow from Widow’s arm to her neck. Again.

“You promised,” she reminds Widow.

Widow looks at her impassively. Considers it.

She promised she would “get in the holiday spirit,” but that was before she had known about Sombra’s ridiculous definition of holiday spirit. Still, a promise is a promise. Besides, this was Widow’s gift to Sombra. Specifically, Widow had told Sombra that she gets one do-stupid-things free pass, happy anniversary, chérie, come back to bed.

One occasion where Sombra can drag Widow into something and Widow will comply without complaint, all within reason, of course. And Sombra picks a vacation.

Sombra, who has become a master at staring contests with Widow, having dated her for a year and a handful of weeks now, waits her out. Finally, Widow sighs and reaches up to button the donut pillow at her throat.

“Looks great, babe,” Sombra says brightly, and begins to wheel her suitcase towards the departure hall proper.

Widow sighs again and follows after her.

“Does this even count as a legal vacation if we are using fake documents?”

“Say it louder,” Sombra grumbles, “I don’t think airport security got that.”

Widow tries not to smile. She takes in a deep breath and, indeed, louder, says: “Does this even c—”

“I hate that you think you’re funny now,” Sombra huffs. “Dating me is such an ego boost for people.”

“People?” Widow muses. Sombra ignores that. Whatever. She changes tracks to something she’s actually curious about. “What’s the name on your passport?”

“Sombra,” says Sombra.

Widow squints at her. “Sombra what? You don’t have a last name.”

“Spider,” Sombra deadpans, “Obviously, it doesn’t say Sombra. Why the hell would I put that on my passport? That’s dumb. I’m very good at being a criminal, you know?”

“Yes, baby,” says Widow, “the best.”

Sombra rolls her eyes but the edges of her mouth twitch up before she can control it. Widow can’t help but smile herself. “It’s Jane Smith.”

“That… is so boring.” She wrinkles her nose. “And so American.”

“What? You don’t think I look exactly like a Jane Smith?” Sombra asks.

Widow stares at her.

“Whatever.” Sombra sniffs, snootily, and rubs a hand over the buzzed side of her head. It’s grown out a bit—Widow will shave it for her soon.

“You are terrible with aliases.”

Sombra had given her a fake passport earlier today, back at base. Widow’s now May Parker, a Canadian national since Sombra didn’t have faith in Widow’s fake accent skills and told her, quite condescendingly, to stick to French. The name was a reference to something, Widow’s not sure what, just thankful that Sombra hadn’t ended up printing the name of the first French historical figure that came to mind. Napoleon Bonaparte probably wouldn’t have gone over too well with airport authorities.

At check-in, the woman barely bats an eye at their too-nondescript names. It’s likely not that rare for people to come through airports with fake names in this day and age anyway. Probably, it’s quite rare to have terrorists doing it for vacation, but Widow has to admit their outfits don’t quite match up with that image.

Sombra picks their seats as Widow hauls their suitcases onto the belt. When all’s said and done, Sombra loops their arms together and pulls them towards security.

Sombra keeps glancing up at Widow’s face while they wait in line. It’s her only tell that she’s nervous and Widow can guess why. The sunscreen-like balm they’d smeared all over her, to make her look normal, should hold up for the duration of their flight. Though, she didn’t trust Talon scientists, she could trust their science, so she’s not worried about it.

Anyway, it wasn’t the 20th century. Most body mods were socially acceptable now. Sombra, in all her cyborg glory, shuffles past security with no problem.

It’s another half hour wait at their gate before they finally board. Sombra takes the middle seat, leaving Widow with the window. The aisle seat is, thankfully, empty. She’s not sure if Sombra did that on purpose, but she doesn’t particularly care either way, so she doesn’t ask.

Sombra reaches over and taps both of their mini-TV screens at the same time. A moment later, The Room (2003) begins playing on their screens simultaneously. Sombra makes a triumphant little sound and cuddles into Widow’s side.

Widow drapes her arm around Sombra and sighs.

A brief shitty movie marathon later, they’re touching down in Hokkaido, Japan, and Sombra’s tugging her gangly girlfriend out her seat. Widow’s vaguely tired and has already made Sombra promise they’re calling in a favour from Akande for a Talon plane back home after this. It takes a lot of brain power for her to keep up with Sombra sometimes, especially when it comes to silly things like enjoying bad movies.

(Sombra tells her it isn’t brain power that she is expending; rather, it’s called the emotional labour of loving someone.)

By the time they get to their lodging, Widow’s just about ready to pass out.

She pushes the first door she sees and falls into bed. Outside, she hears the rapid padding of Sombra’s footsteps as she explores every nook and cranny in the cabin.

She’s not sure how long she’s been lying down, but next she opens her eyes, the sky is dark blue and Sombra’s face is alarmingly close to hers.

Sombra grins and touches her cheeks. “Hey, you should get up.”

Widow blinks lazily at her. Then: “No.” She rolls around and closes her eyes again. “We’re on vacation.”

“We have to wipe that shit off you,” Sombra says, a note of affection colouring her tone.

She allows herself a few more seconds before she sits up with a huff and follows Sombra into the en suite. It’s a nice bathroom: a big tub, classy tiling, and there’s a big window facing a snowy mountainside, framed by gnarly trees.

note: and like i had this idea that sombra had her own agenda picking japan like mayb to hack into some mountain base but mostly i wanted to write widows skiing skin:) and they do stupid shit in the snow and eat good food and roll around in the sheets in their cozy lil cabin during a snowstorm and at the end these two who hv j been like. a pair of random tourists roll outta there in a bigass talon plane, guns equipped on the outside and everything, everyone else is alarmed, shitting themselves, but sombras j chilling in widows lap as they head back to base, blissfully unaware

#spiderbyte #spiderbytefics #hehe i wrote a full 1 shot on my main if anyone cares:)

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blu-joons · 3 years

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DAD BTS A⇴Z HEADCANON ⇴ Min Yoongi

A ⇴ AFFECTION

Pregnancy definitely brought out an affectionate side of Yoongi that you hadn’t seen before. He was a lot touchier with you, especially around your bump, holding onto you often even when the two of you were in public too.

B ⇴ BUMP

He was incredibly protective of your bump; he’d always keep an eye on it whenever you were on your feet or moving around. On those restless nights that you had too, he’d always be there to try and comfort you as best as he could by relaxing his arm around your bump or tracing gentle shapes across it to try and distract your little one from wriggling around too much.

C ⇴ CRAVINGS

For the most part, Yoongi was more than happy to help you out with whatever cravings you had, however when you asked for some peculiar combinations, he’d definitely judge. You could tell by the way that he looked at you that he probably thought you were crazy, but all the same he’d go and get whatever you wanted to make sure that he kept you happy.

D ⇴ DUE DATE

Yoongi was by far the calmer of the two of you as your due date approached, you couldn’t understand how he was so relaxed about things. He knew that you needed him to be relaxed, and although a small part of him definitely began to fret as your due date neared, the overriding feeling that Yoongi felt was excitement, every time the nerves crept in, he’d just remind himself of all of the incredible things that were coming your way.

E ⇴ EXCITEMENT

The excitement that Yoongi felt about having a baby was certainly one of the biggest things that surprised you. He wasn’t usually one to express much emotion, but when it came to talking about the baby, he wouldn’t be able to wipe the smile off his face. It was one of the biggest things that the others noticed around him too, how much happier he seemed and how wide the smile on his face was as time passed.

F ⇴ FAMILY

His mum especially would be involved with the two of you often, when Yoongi struggled, he’d only have to ask his mum and she’d have the answers. She’d also often pop round with meals prepared for the two of you, with you not as active on your feet as you used to be, she was keen to make sure that you looked after yourselves when it came to meals, filling up your freezer every single time she came to your home to visit.

G ⇴ GETTING READY

Yoongi was usually very organised, however getting ready for your baby to arrive was completely different. He’d always worry that he’d forget something or that something wouldn’t go the way that the two of you hoped for. However, those worries would always be well hidden as soon as you were around him to keep you calm too.

H ⇴ HEARTBEAT

Words failed to describe for Yoongi how incredible it felt for him when he heard the heartbeat of your little one for the very first time. You could tell that he was trying to keep himself together, however, as soon as you got back to the car and out of your appointment, his hands were wiping the tears from under his eyes.

I ⇴ “I LOVE YOU”

You noticed a lot more since you fell pregnant how often Yoongi would remind you that he loved you. He’d usually get quite shy whenever he said it aloud, however as you were growing and things were getting a little more stressful, he’d say it more often in the hope that it would keep you calm and make you feel supported too.

J ⇴ JEALOUSY

Yoongi didn’t tend to get jealous over anything when it came to your pregnancy, there were little things that annoyed him, but nothing ever really got to him. He loved that the others wanted to be involved and support you both, and whilst he loved being there to support you, he sometimes failed to hide his relief that he wasn’t the one actually carrying, and instead could just support you through the hard times.

K ⇴ KICKS

The kicks of your baby would often wake Yoongi up, especially when he rested against your bump. It would always make you laugh as you could tell how hard he would bite his tongue to not vent that he’d been disturbed, reminding himself that it was the baby, and that he could never really get mad at them too.

L ⇴ LABOUR

He was calmness personified when it came to labour, whatever you needed, Yoongi had it, wherever he was needed, Yoongi was there. There were certainly snippets when he’d feel his heart beat a little bit faster, but for the most part he knew that he needed to be calm in order to support you. Only once it was over, did he allow himself to relax and let the emotions of the day that he’d kept pent up hit him a little harder.

M ⇴ MORNING SICKNESS

The morning sickness was one of the hardest things for Yoongi to adjust to, even once it had passed, just the thought of it sent a shiver down his spine. You were well aware that Yoongi didn’t cope too well with things like this, so when it first arrived, you’d try and get through it without him knowing. However, when he found you one day, and after a quick scolding, he never left your side when you were being sick again.

N ⇴ NURSERY

Decorating the nursery was much more of your thing than it was Yoongi’s, but that didn’t stop him watching over you constantly as you painted and stepping in whenever you were building something when it began to feel dangerous.

O ⇴ OBSESSION

He was obsessed with the relationship that he had with you, pregnancy certainly brought the two of you closer and made Yoongi feel a whole different love for you that he had never experienced before.

P ⇴ POST BIRTH

You were barely made to lift a finger for the first few days after your labour, Yoongi did everything that you needed him to. As the same as during your pregnancy, his mum especially came round a lot, offering her reassurance whenever the two of you began to worry that you were doing the wrong thing or not knowing what your baby needed.

Q ⇴ QUESTIONS

He’d often find himself questioning what pregnancy hormones did to you when you’d ask him for something strange. He never imagined you’d be one of those expectant mums that would suddenly have all the weird cravings that you did.

R ⇴ RANDOM FACTS

When you were eventually sleeping, Yoongi would often take himself away and into his studio, where he’d often write down lyrics from the emotions that he felt throughout your pregnancy. By the end, he had a whole song written, keeping hold of it, promising himself to share it with your child when the time was right.

S ⇴ SCANS

Numerous copies of your scans were always kept on Yoongi wherever he was. If anyone ever asked for one, he’d always have copies to spare to hand around, and if they ever had any questions then he’d be more than happy to point out even the smallest details about your baby, remembering exactly what the sonographer would tell you both.

T ⇴ TEST

You ended up finding out you were pregnant whilst Yoongi was on tour, which put a slight dampener on the whole experience. However, as soon as he was home, Yoongi made absolutely sure to make up for leaving you to experience it all by yourself.

U ⇴ ULTRASOUND

After missing out on taking the test, Yoongi made sure to be at all of your appointments so that you never had to go through another step of pregnancy all alone.

V ⇴ VISITS

As much as he wanted to enjoy your bubble alone for the first few days, he couldn’t wait to show your baby off, and so as soon as the boys mentioned coming to visit you both, Yoongi gave them a date and a time to be there for.

W ⇴ WAITING

He was incredibly patient throughout your pregnancy; you were much more impatient and often having to be calmed down by Yoongi.

X ⇴ XXXX

As with his affection in general, Yoongi would kiss you a lot more often too, especially around your baby bump. He’d often lay beside it lay at night, trailing kisses along the length of it to measure how big it grew each and every day.

Y ⇴ YOU

You were his inspiration, the strength you had to go through pregnancy left him in awe.

Z ⇴ ZZZ

Sleep was precious to Yoongi; however, he was open to sacrificing the odd hour whenever you needed him. It was certainly a part of his routine that struggled to adjust, but he knew more than anything that even through the night, you needed him.

---

Masterlist

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journal-of-an-outlaw · 3 years

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Red Dead Secret Cupid

Happy Valentine’s day @boedkerillustrations ! I hope you enjoy your angsty piece about Arthur, it was fun to write!

Arthur leaned up against a brick wall, enjoying the shade on the hot summer day at the park in Saint Denis. Droves of people swirled around him, mingling and mixing together with the same ebb and flow of a river moving leisurely around a rock. To be honest Arthur enjoyed the indirect attention. It allowed him to watch the people fret over little details of their day that seemed oh so important in the moment but tomorrow would be forgotten. The colors of their dresses. Who was coming to dinner. Where they should vacation next.

Blah, blah blah.

Talk was a worthless currency to a walking dead man. It didn’t matter. But stealing these little moments away drowned out the other words that constantly rang in his ears.

Get yourself somewhere warm and dry. Progressive disease. Coughing. Blood. I’m so sorry, son.

He pulled out a cigarette and held the lit match a few inches away, frozen between two impossible choices. Arthur knew he had no time left, that much the good doctor made clear. Did he spend his days burning the candle at both ends because there was an end in sight? Or did he cautiously move forward, save any and all strength he had to help the gang and those living longer than him?

But he took too long to decide. The match burned out and he dropped it and the cigarette both to the ground and crushed them with his boots out of habit. It seemed all his choices were made for him lately. He had lost his control. But that didn’t matter anymore. He knew that now.

“Need a light?”

The gentle voice startled Arthur. A woman about his age moved along the wall, resting in the same pose and staring out into the crowd. The clothes were new, but that face he would recognize anywhere.

“Lydia Jacobs. I’ll be damned.”

“Good to see you too, Morgan. Been too long,” her smile stretched wide and Arthur couldn't help but give one back as her brown eyes crinkled at the sides just like they always had.

The pair met years ago but their time together was brief. Alone and desperate, she cornered Dutch in a bar begging for a safe place to lay her head for awhile, not knowing what she was getting herself into. Dutch had a soft spot for women in need. He liked to play the savior. He brought Lydia back to the camp he and Arthur shared and watched the two connect instantly. Lydia was no gun slinger, in fact she had been left behind as bait for another group for being too posh, but over the weeks learned enough to defend herself if needed.

An expensive perfume wafted Arthur’s way with hints of jasmine and vanilla. He breathed in the pleasant scent and tried to remember if it was what she used to wear all those years ago but he couldn't quite recall the specific notes.

“It’s been, what, nearly ten years since I saw you? What are you doing here?”

“I’m actually hunting a bounty. I know, I know, strange to hear,” she laughed at his bewildered expression. “But it’s a good income and I get to leave the city behind.”

“Though you’d be married, living in the city by now.”

“Nah, that wasn’t the life for me.”

Arthur watched her curiously, her eyes darting away at her words to look at anything but him. His own slanted but he was distracted as she scratched the back of her neck, her gloves catching his attention.

“You kept those old things?”

He hesitantly reached out for the white leather, time and use wearing them down to look much less like the fine things he purchased when he thought himself in love. Lydia smiled and held her hands out to admire them. Arthur was twenty-seven when he found the gloves and knew right away the woman warming his bed back at camp had to have them. A rose pattern etched across the backs made them unique, he had never seen anything like it. She squealed at the gift. But that hadn’t kept her from leaving the next week when the time came.

Watching her now Arthur was reminded that Lydia’s hands were no longer soft and delicate. That the skin was probably hardened from years of gun fights and horse reins. He never forgot what they got up to when the roughest thing she touched was his bed sheets in the throes of something a bit more reckless. Those memories made him blush and he coughed to hide his deepening cheeks.

“‘Course I kept them. One of my most prized possessions,” her words broke Arthur or his reprieve and brought him back to the present.

As Arthur opened his mouth a cough burned his throat, his question dying on his tongue as he hacked in pain. He turned in embarrassment and shame, the disease inside of him bursting at the surface no matter how hard he fought to keep it contained and in control. Lydia’s brow pulled together in concern but he waved her off with a gruff.

“‘M fine,” Arthur wheezed.

“You don’t sound it.” Her response was flat and sarcastic. “We should move somewhere else, there are too many eyes here.”

Together they made their way away from the midday crowd gathered for picnics and social gossiping in the town park and towards the outskirts of Saint Denis, passing the tailors before crossing the street and continuing on. Lydia was headed towards the garden house when Arthur grabbed her arm to stop, needing to lean against a fence for support as he began coughing again.

“Arthur, have you seen a doctor?”

The words were meant innocently enough but they sent panic burning below Arthur’s skin. He gripped absentmindedly at his ribs, half wishing he could either rip out the infested organs pumping life into his failing body or that anyone listening would answer his prayer. He didn’t want to die. The thought terrified him. But even he knew his bed was made and it was time to lie in it.

“I fell,” he spoke softly, guilt and pride not allowing his voice to carry far beyond his companion. “Down some street by the docks and a fella carried me to the doctor. Felt like a horse stepped on my chest.” For a moment the sunlight reflected off Lydia’s sweet brown eyes and her dark skin and Arthur was lost in the beauty that wasn’t tainted by his bad decisions. “He said it’s, uh, tuberculosis.” Lydia tried to control the sharp inhale to hide her emotions. “All those bad deeds finally caught up to me.”

“Arthur,” sympathy laced her words. “You know that ain’t fair. You put a lot of good out into this world.”

“Did I?” The laugh barely passed his lips. “The view from here is…”

Dismal. Petrifying. Bleak.

“We all have a limited time on this earth. I know things have always felt a bit out of your control but what you did mattered.” Arthur snorted half-heartedly. “I know I can’t change your mind in one conversation. I won’t try. But please, know that you saved me. I am living proof that you did something good.”

“Ms. Jacobs, no offense but you’re hunting bounties for a living. That ain’t what I’d call -”

“I am happy, and that is what matters most. I owe that to you. Spent my whole life doing what I love and I don’t regret it for a second. Which does bring me to why I’m here,” Lydia laughed as she pulled a folded up paper out of her pocket. “I’m hunting a bounty who’s, well, you.”

Arthur took the poster and examined the drawing. “Could have made it something more flattering. Doesn’t even look like me.”

“Especially not now.” Lydia meant the words as a joke, but silently cursed as she froze.

Arthur Morgan spent most of his life running. After thirty-five years he was finally slowing down. The bags beneath his eyes were dark and his cheeks hollowed. He didn’t just look tired, he looked…

“Well,” Arthur sounded dejected. “At least I know you’ll use the money well.”

“I’m not bringing you in, cowboy. I just came to warn you.” His eyebrows raised at her words. “Not only do we have a history, Arthur, but now it’s not...I won’t put a sick man in jail.”

At least she didn’t dance around the subject. Arthur didn’t want to hide behind the fact that TB was a disease nearly no one survived. He knew the odds. Not only did the thought of ceasing to exist send terror through him but he worried about those he was leaving behind.

Would John and Abigail ever have a home? Would Jack grow up like his father? Would Molly ever leave Dutch’s side?

His mentor and brother had been...different of late. Aggressive. Rash. Frightened. Arthur would never admit to anyone the flashes he saw in Dutch’s eyes when a decision came down to the wire but his heart recognized what it was. At first he ignored it. They were simply the emotions brought about by the decay of time and a friendship that passed every test they had hurled at them, nothing more. But more and more Arthur’s conscience would not allow the debate to happen; his words lashing out before he could think through the consequences of berating Dutch alone or in front of others and often had to hear how much he betrayed him by speaking up.

Subconsciously Arthur pushed a thumb across his palm to distract himself from the tightening of his throat and the tension behind his eyes. In truth he was terrified. There was no use fighting, but that didn’t take away his instinct to try.

“Not sick, Lydia. Dying.”

“How do you feel?”

Gently she took one of his hands in her own as they stood against the fence on the outskirts of the city. Life buzzed all around them; kids playing games, animals eating grass, adults doing chores. The mundane tasks made Arthur want to shake these people awake. Didn’t they know there was only so much time on this earth? Why were they wasting it hanging up clothes? That didn’t matter, none of it did. They should be running away, taking those they loved with them, and ensuring they prospered in happiness and love. Not money or things.

“Doesn’t matter how I feel. Just have to keep...keep…” His words cut off with another cough. Lydia’s heart broke for the man she once loved and fought back tears of her own, the shuddering gasps of Arthur’s laboured breathing shattering the illusion she had built up from her memories. This man had no fight left in him. Not for himself. “I got people to take care of.”

Lydia nodded sympathetically, watching his resolve harden. Arthur pulled his shoulders back and pushed off the fence to stand tall once again.

“You’ll do it Arthur, I’m sure of it. They’ll be okay,” something caught Arthur’s eye over Lydia’s shoulder as she spoke and he tried to hide the flash of recognition on his face. “Someone you know?”

“Yeah, a friend. Lydia, I should…”

“Of course.” She glanced back to see a dark skinned man with two horses approaching. He wore a blue shirt and an apprehensive look. “Just know if you need me for anything Arthur, I’m only a letter away. If there’s anything I can do, anyone I can look after, if you need a place to run away to, please just…”

Her words trailed off with the realization this would be the last time she would see him in this life. Arthur was always a figure in the back of her mind who came to fruition every now and then. A reminder that the cards she was dealt didn’t have to be her only ones. And now, to know he was dying in such an awful way, it took everything she had not to break down into tears.

“Sorry I couldn't help with that bounty, real shame he was gone before you got there.”

“Arthur,” she whispered.

But he waved a hand at her tone. “I’m nothing anymore. We both know I wouldn’t survive the way the world is going, seems I finally learned that myself. Just...promise me something, will you?” His blue eyes shimmered with life and Lydia found herself nodding right away, desperate to give this man’s last wish life. “Don’t, don’t waste what you have. People will try and tell you what they want from you, but it don’t matter. All of this is only worth it because you get to enjoy it for so long, so go out and do what matters and don’t listen to what other people want. In the end you’re the only one who shows up so just...do what matters to you. Whether it’s hunting bounties or taking care of someone or...I don’t know, picking berries or something. Leave your mark.”

Lydia couldn’t tell if it was the words of a wisened dying man or something she had been needing to hear but she felt changed. Her eyes followed as they rode away and off into the swamps, a silent goodbye with the tip of his hat the last sight of her friend.

How could one interaction affect her so deeply? Did approaching death give him an insight to not only what brings true happiness but what was wasted time? Did he know she would be there that day?

One day, Lydia knew she would ask him. But for now she would take what he said to heart and try to live alongside the memory of someone history would forget.

#rdr secret cupid 2021 #rdr2 #arthur morgan #my writing #I keep reading this as stupid cupid #like that mandy moore song

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themangledsans0508 · 4 years

Text

Grasping at Control

Allie can suck my wee if she’s reading this you bitch.

TW: Self-Harm

Tweek Tweak considered himself the most fucked-up person in the entirety of South Park, which was quite an achievement considering he went to school with actual sociopaths, murderers, and drug dealers.

Yet here he was, a cocktail of addiction, anxiety, ADHD, and depression. He felt pretty alone, despite all the years he had to make friends and come to terms with himself. One of two kids out as gay, and very few adults in their town understanding, much less out themselves; he had no one to talk to.

Just thinking about it made him want to curl up into a ball and suffocate.

And he tried.

He wrapped himself up in blankets and cried.

He cried for what felt like ages before he got sick of feeling miserable from the stale air that had just enough oxygen in it to keep him alive.

He crawled out and sat, shaking violently. Why did he want this to happen? Why didn’t he want to be alive?

Mr Mackey had lectured them many, many times on what to do if you or someone you knew felt like they wanted to kill themselves, and Tweek wouldn’t hesitate to act if someone else felt the same way he did.

So why didn’t he care about himself?

He thought back to fourth grade when Kim Jong Un marked him as a possible target if war were to break out and Craig brought him to an amusement park.

“Well, I’m sorry that I’m actually in control of my goddamn emotions, you baby!”

That exchange had only been a minute long, but Tweek had never forgotten it. Craig was right, he wasn’t in control of his emotions. For fuck’s sake, he wasn’t even in control of his movements.

He wasn’t in control of anything. He snapped back to the present from the pain of his hair being torn out by himself, and he tried to stop himself.

His movements were involuntary, even when putting his force against them he couldn’t stop himself.

He screamed in frustration. He didn’t care if anyone heard him, because he knew from experience that nobody would do anything even if he was being murdered. His own parents didn’t care for him. The only reason his dad kept him was because having a kid helped his coffee shop. As he got older, his dad also got free labour out of him as the form of “chores.”

His hands flew from his hair to his arms, tearing up his skin to the point he bled. He looked down to see the mess and rushed to the bathroom to prevent his room from turning into a crime scene.

He stared at himself in the mirror. Small patches of hair missing from his scalp, large bags under his eyes that served to highlight the tears running down his face. There were scratches down his cheeks from his nails dragging down his face and when he raised his hand to feel them, his arms showed a nightmare of red lines intersecting so much that they looked like a terrible map.

He reached for the bandages under the counter and felt a flash of pain from a tear dropping onto an open wound on his arm. He bit back a yelp of pain and a horrible idea came to him. He reached for a razor in the cabinet.

Maybe there was something he could control.

Craig Tucker liked to call himself a “good boyfriend.”

Sure, he wasn’t perfect, nobody was. He still had spats with his lover just as everyone else did. However, as they aged and matured, those spats stopped being physical very quickly as they aged and by eleven they were purely verbal.

They didn’t have them frequently either, and they didn’t last very long.

So, as a good boyfriend would be, he was concerned when Tweek didn’t come to school. He tried texting him, then calling him to no avail. He didn’t like that, Tweek would usually tell him if he was sick, or pick up the phone when Craig called.

“Craig, dude,” Token said, “maybe he’s asleep or something.”

“He doesn’t sleep Token. He breathes coffee,” Craig sighed.

“Okay, maybe he left his phone somewhere,” Clyde offered. Craig nodded.

“Probably.” Craig could hear the static noise of his friends talking about girls, football, or other things he would usually be amused by.

Concerned was not something that people would normally think Craig Tucker was capable of being. Once upon a time, they were probably right. Tweek taught him how to comprehend emotions instead of pretending they didn’t exist, even if he still preferred not to express them.

Tweek brought out the best in him. Craig helped him find his center. They balanced each other out pretty well.

Craig would be lying, however, if he said he didn’t keep secrets from Tweek. His secrets weren’t anything terrible like he murdered someone or he was cheating on Tweek, but that he had anxiety himself.

He never told Tweek because he decided early on he could deal with it himself. He was constantly worried that something would happen to Tweek or any of his other friends. With the town that they lived in and the fact that he had actually been kidnapped and dragged to Peru once, he felt those fears were justified.

While he would never claim his anxiety was as bad or even worse than Tweek’s, it had given him his fair share of sleepless nights and long days.

Situations like this had happened a few times before and never failed to set off his anxiety.

Perhaps his friends were onto his lies, or maybe they could simply tell that this was bothering him more than he would let on, but they gave him some space.

He appreciated that.

Tweek sat on his bed, staring at his arm. His room was littered with lego bricks, empty coffee cups, and bandage wrappers.

While he was in general rather prone to accidentally hurting himself, the sheer amount of fresh wounds dancing down his arms exposed what actually occurred.

He couldn’t risk anyone finding out about it, especially Craig.

He loved Craig too much for him to have the burden of this on his shoulders. He couldn’t imagine what he would say when he found out.

If he found out.

Tweek had no intention of telling him, and he wouldn’t let him see either.

But he couldn’t skip school forever.

He sighed in frustration. He didn’t know what he was feeling. Anger, sadness, frustration, regret, or maybe a mix of it all.

He felt lost

Craig inserted his copy of Tweek’s house key into the lock.

They both had a key to each other’s house, and they had for a long time. Since they began dating to be exact. They respected each other’s privacy though, and if Tweek told him to leave, he would.

He opened the door and poked his head in. The house was dark, which didn’t really surprise him since both the matriarch and the patriarch of the family were working in the coffee shop.

“Tweek? Are you in here?” he called

The house was still, yet Craig went in anyways. He shut the door behind him and flicked on the light. There was no one downstairs, so he swiftly moved to the second floor and approached Tweek’s room. He knocked on the door gently.

“Tweek?” Craig listened for a response. He heard nothing but quiet breathing on the other side. “Tweek, is it alright if I come in?”

The boy on the other side remained silent.

“Tweek?”

“Go away, Craig.” His voice was sad and quiet, and the promise Craig had made got lost in the wind.

“What’s wrong Tweek?” Craig couldn’t stop the worry from flowing out in his voice, even though he tried.

“I’m sick Craig. Just go away. I don’t want to see you right now.” Tweek’s voice shook as he spoke, along with small jitters and whimpers. Craig could sense something was wrong and turned the doorknob.

He gently pushed against the door and to his surprise, it didn’t open. There was a weight against the door. It wasn’t heavy, well he wasn’t heavy. Craig knew exactly who was against the door. Tweek was never heavy, not even when they were little. He had gotten scrawnier and scrawnier as they aged since sometimes his anxiety made him just not be hungry, or even scared to eat. He would also forget, or be full from drinking so much coffee even though he drank far less than he used to.

Craig stopped pushing and heard the door quickly snap back into its place with a click. He wasn’t going to force the door open and possibly hurt Tweek, he wouldn’t risk that.

“Craig, please. Just-” he heard his voice break, “Please.” His voice broke, along with Craig’s last straw.

He silently went back down the stairs and out the house, turning to look up at Tweek’s window. The shades were drawn and the room behind them was dark.

Craig turned to look at the twin pines that grew next to the house. They had been there for longer than either boy had been alive, and had grown past the height of the window.

He walked over to the lush green plant and grabbed a hold of it’s lower branches, hoisting himself up. He repeated the movement multiple times until he was at the tip of the tree. The entire tip shuddered with his every breath and threatened to snap with his every movement.

The tree leaned over slightly, allowing Craig to reach over and tap the window. It flew open and Tweek pulled open that shade.

“Craig! What the hell are you doing?”

“Hanging out. Can I come in?”

Tweek cursed under his breath and reached his hands out. Craig accepted them and jumped into the window, cutting his legs on the branches of the tree. He tumbled through the window, landing on top of Tweek with an “oof.” He felt the stinging in his leg and light wetness and realised trying to climb into a window from a pine tree was a terrible idea.

“Tweek-”

“Craig, what the fuck?” Tweek panted. “Why did you fucking do that?”

Craig looked at the blonde boy underneath him. He was skin and bones, the bags under his eyes were huge. His face was tear-stained and scratched.

“Tweek, I know something’s wrong.” Craig pushed himself off Tweek and offered to help him up. Tweek simply stared at him, mouth slightly agape.

“You’re an idiot, Craig. Why don’t you ever just listen to me?”

Tweek let out a quiet sob and looked up at Craig.

“Craig, I’m a mess. What the hell do you want from me?” Craig lowered himself down to the floor and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Tweek, I want to know what’s wrong. We have to work together through these things, remember? Beat them together, expectations, resentment, all of it.” Tweek pushed Craig’s hand off him and jumped up.

“You want to know what’s wrong? What’s wrong is the fact that no matter what I do, I have no control over my life! Something that only I should control! Me and me alone! Everyone else controls it! I never became a knight or a queen, I’m still just a pawn in someone else’s fucking game! And guess what, pawns are expendable! I’m expendable. I’m not needed. That’s what’s wrong! I’m only a fucking tool for the entire world to use.”

Tweek waved his hands, exasperated. His voice shuddered with every word he said, tears ran down his cheeks. He twitched and whimpered every few seconds. His hands tore across his body, flying from his arms to his shirt to his hair.

Craig stepped forward and embraced him. He pulled him tight against his body and felt him tense up and wince slightly. Tweek pushed against him slightly in a poor attempt to break free of his grip, before he simply caved in and buried his face into Craig’s shoulder.

“I-I’m just replaceable Craig. My parents didn’t have to sell me into slavery because I’m already a slave to them. They control me, Craig.”

“What can we do about that, Tweek? There has to be something.” Craig tangled one of his hands in Tweek’s hair and had the other one rub circles into his back. His voice was not sarcastic or mocking, but gentle and genuine.

“I don’t know Craig. I’ve tried so many things, so many things. Nothing works, Craig. Nothing.”

“Let’s try something else then. Something together. You don’t have to do this alone, Tweek.” Craig lowered them down to the floor, sitting with his legs crossed and Tweek in his lap. “We can run away together. Get our own house.”

“We can’t do that. Your sister needs you. She’s only thirteen.”

“Fine. I’ll take you home with me then. You can live in my room.” Tweek shook his head.

“No, no. All these things put stress on you too. I want to deal with it myself,” he scolded. Craig sighed.

“I won’t let you do that. The whole point of a relationship is to deal with things together. If I can’t help you directly, then I want to be able to at least support you.”

“Where were you when I needed you? Why aren’t you ever here when I need you?” Tweek pushed himself out of Craig’s grip and stood up. “Why the fuck does everything go the shit when I’m not with you?” He shouted.

“What do you mean Tweek?” Craig slowly stood up and put his hands into his pockets.

“I mean why am I even more of a fucking mess without you?” Tweek’s hands flew up to his hair, causing his sleeves to slip down.

Craig didn’t miss the small movement, he had become very perceptive since they had started dating. He noticed the red lines and scabs weaving down his arms. He reached his hand over to intertwine their fingers and grab his attention.

“Tweek, what happened to your arms?”

“Huh?” Tweek looked down to the subject of Craig’s curiosity. When he realised what it was he attempted to pull himself out of Craig’s grip. “It’s nothing! I just fell!”

Craig’s grip strengthened just enough to keep a hold on Tweek but not enough to hurt him.

“Tweek, those weren’t from a fall.” Craig locked his own green eyes with Tweek’s blue ones. “Tell me the truth, Tweek. What are they from.”

“What the fuck do you think they are from? You aren’t dumb,” he snapped. Craig lurched forward, wrapping his arms tightly around Tweek. He pressed his full weight into him. For the first time in perhaps ever, he had no control over himself.

They toppled backwards onto Tweek’s bed. Craig manoeuvred them so they weren’t at risk of falling off the bed and rested his head so his ear was directly above Tweek’s heart.

“Dude, what the hell?”

“What were you thinking?” Craig’s voice was different. It wasn’t monotone or bland, it was raw and emotional and occasionally breaking. “Why would you do that?”

“I was in control. I knew what I was doing. Nobody was in charge of me.”

“Yeah, well, you could have fucking died! Those could have gotten infected. They could have gone too deep and cut a vein! Is a brief relief really worth that risk?” Craig let out a quiet sob and gripped Tweek’s shirt.

Everything hit Tweek suddenly. He wiggled out from under Craig to lay beside him instead. He placed his hands on his cheeks and pressed their foreheads together.

“Hey, hey, I know it was stupid, okay? I’m not going to do it again.” Tweek whispered.

“You better not,” Craig muttered.

“And if I’m feeling like shit,” Tweek continued, “I’ll call you or text you to come over.”

“Or you can come over to my place,” Craig countered.

“Yeah, that’s true.”

Craig rolled Tweek over and pulled him against his body. He moved his arms from his shirt to his waist and pulled him down so he could rest his chin on his head.

“Well, I’m tired,” he yawned. “Text my mom and tell her I’m staying here tonight.”

“Why can’t you do it?” Tweek asked.

“Well, because I’m about to take a nap.”

“Wait, right now?”

“Yep.”

“Oh no you don’t,” Tweek said, “I have stuff I need to do.”

“Not anymore you don’t” Craig grumbled. “All you need to do is stay right here. I’m not moving until it’s time for school.”

“I fucking hate you.”

“Well, we’ll have a terrible marriage then.”

There's gonna be a part two the angst isn't over my dears

#south park #creek sp #sp creek #creek #craigxtweek #craig tucker #craig x tweek #tweek x craig #tweekxcraig #tweek tweak #tw self harm #chara writes

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eddieonthemove · 3 years

Text

Early months

Finding that pink line on the pregnancy test was a complete surprise for me. It was unplanned, unexpected and to be honest, couldn’t have been more badly timed. Looking back now, the pregnancy itself didn’t get any easier. When people say that pregnant women have this kind of bloom around them, for me it was more of a gloom. I was sick, tired, couldn’t sleep or eat properly, and on top of that serious problems in the relationship and a very stressful job. Not ideal!

When I was 23 weeks pregnant I started showing a tiny bit, although I still looked like I had a bit more for lunch than normal rather than being pregnant. For the coming weekend my partner Ben and I were planning to go to Snowdonia. That didn’t go as planned. Instead, I woke up on Thursday that week and was bleeding a bit. I googled the symptoms and then walked to work as usual, because Google said it can happen. My colleagues persuaded me to call my midwife and then called me a taxi to go to the hospital. I didn’t take my pregnancy notes, I literally thought I would be back at work in a few hours. Instead, after the examination, a doctor sat me down and told me “don’t panic but you’re in labour”. Well, you can imagine I started panicking. At only 23+5 days pregnant.

The following few hours I went from crying, being petrified, calling my parents, wanting to leave the hospital because the doctors were obviously wrong, to being scared that Ben wouldn’t even show up. If I ever thought before that I wasn’t ready, I definitely wasn’t ready for this. I was transferred onto a delivery suite immediately and got a midwife assigned to me. Within a few hours I was given lots of painkillers and other medication to try to stop the labour, as well as steroids for the little one. Ben arrived with a few friends and I basically cried through it.

Many doctors talked to us after that, explained what little chances there were, what were the possible outcomes, and told me I needed to keep the baby (until that point the sex wasn’t confirmed) inside until at least 24 weeks. The people, nurses, doctors, midwifes, and everybody involved were absolutely amazing. Contractions started slowly but surely and by Saturday morning I was praying for whatever to happen to stop this. At that point, we knew it was going to happen that day and I had never felt less ready. I felt like I needed years to prepare for whatever was coming. I needed my parents, who were thousands of miles away. I wanted as much medication to kill the pain as possible, however I couldn’t get any because it was too risky. Another hard thing was deciding about the unborn baby’s life, just in case. Deciding whether we wanted for the doctors to do everything possible to keep the baby alive or to let nature do what was meant to be. We agreed to give it a try but not to push the little one if he didn’t want to stay with us. I had never felt so lonely in my life. We had been waiting until late evening for my water to break, but once it did the rest happened very quickly.

Eddie was born on Saturday, 12th of May 2018 at 24 weeks of gestation, weighing only 640g (1.4 lbs), breach, but despite all that decided to fight his first big fight for life. Doctors asked us if we wanted to see him, I’m not sure if Ben did, but I was so exhausted that the only thing I wanted was to sleep. Eddie went straight into an incubator and got transferred to the neonatal unit. I got morphine and thought I would rest, but hallucinations and sickness followed. In the early morning hours we were woken up to be transferred to a normal room and after a couple more hours of sleep a nurse came to ask if I wanted to start expressing milk. Honestly? That was the last thing I wanted. I didn’t even want to see my baby. The first journey to the neonatal unit was horrifying, all I wanted was to go home and forget about everything that had happened. Eddie was at the far end, where the sickest babies were, and he was also the smallest one at the unit. When we first saw him, he looked like a little alien without any body fat, with see-through skin, red in colour. I felt awful for not feeling the supposedly instant maternal love.

NICU became the place where I spent most of my time and yet the place I hated most. The dim blue lights, the beeping machines, the hushed tones of doctors and nurses, medical language I didn’t understand despite being fluent in English, everything sterile… On top of the early arrival, Eddie had a large haemorrhage on his brain on both sides and was fully incubated. It was a miracle he survived. That day was the beginning of his long journey. I rushed to get home to sleep in my bed and asked to be discharged the same day. The whole thing felt surreal. For the first few days Eddie was doing amazingly well, but then he got sick very quickly. We were scared to be called in every minute of every day. I felt constantly on edge and unable to relax. I would lie in bed clutching my phone, petrified whenever it rang in case it was bad news. Multiple complications, multiple “you should say your goodbyes now”. Every day was a nightmare with so much stress and fear. Expressing milk every three hours became a very hated chore, especially since Eddie couldn’t receive any milk because of so many complications.

Two days passed and it felt like a week, every day dragged so much. A couple of weeks after Eddie was born we were called at night and spent a day and a half on the unit nonstop as everything was pretty bad; even Ben burst into tears once. Eddie proved the doctors wrong and despite all odds he kept fighting and got better again. I had my first skin to skin cuddle with Eddie with about 6 nurses around just to make sure Eddie was ok. I felt like I couldn’t even move or touch my baby. However, I slowly became familiar with the nurses. Their guidance was great and we could have been involved as much or as little as we wanted, or that is at least what they said. Over the time Ben slowly stopped paying Eddie frequent visits, everything seemed to be much more difficult and the mental health of both of us was slowly hitting bottom. I felt so much pressure; I am the mother, I was the one who always had to come and visit. A few times we planned a trip somewhere and some nurses encouraged me to have a bit of a normal life, but on return to the hospital some nurses couldn’t not mention that I hadn’t visited Eddie for a day. I felt like they judged me and wondered how I could possibly dare not to show up for a few hours.

Most days I felt a strong urge to either curl up in a ball or run away and not have to face life as it was. I felt like jumping out of the window. I don’t think I would have done it, but I felt lost, lonely and distraught. I went through days when I hated even the thought of going to the hospital and days when I couldn’t be anywhere else because it was the only place where I felt safe. I needed Ben but he wasn’t able to be there for me. None of my friends understood (and I don’t blame them) but I felt like I was abandoned. I lived for my job and felt like it was taken from me. Everything was falling apart. Anybody who tried to be there for me was just not good enough. I felt helpless and hopeless. I kept expressing milk and in the first weeks I did so well that even nurses told me I had to store it at home as they had no space left. That quickly changed, because mental health clearly affects everything. SCIPS, a charity that is based in the hospital offered me private counselling, probably because I cried most of the time, not only when Eddie was not well, but even when he was getting better. I started attending weekly sessions and it took a good 6 months for me to realise that this was not my fault. The idea that every woman has a pregnancy that is 9 months long is just an ideal situation, but what happened to us can happen to anybody.

“Life can throw us many curve balls, with children undoubtedly being one of them. Factor into that medical problems, our very young age as parents, my lack of desire to ever be a parent and an unsure future and you have the mother of all curve balls. To say that I dragged my heels at the thought of being a father would be an understatement. It took me a long time to come to terms with it and to accept that, like it or not, I no longer have the choice; I have a son. The whole journey from finding out that Eli was pregnant to Eddie finally being discharged from hospital has been the most harrowing and emotional yet maturing and life-changing experience that I could ever have imagined going through. Despite initial reluctance towards fatherhood, I was amazed at Eddie’s spirit and will to keep fighting. Despite numerous complications and a few near-death scares, he has found a way to pull through, in no small part thanks to all the staff at the NICU and his own stubborn willpower. Eli was and continues to be incredibly brave and has been so strong for both Eddie and me throughout all of this and is the most wonderful mother that Eddie could ever hope for. Even now with a long way to go before he starts to catch up with the development of children his age, he still manages to astonish us with his progress, and always with a smile on his face. The experience of an un-planned, extremely premature birth has without a doubt taken its toll on our mental health and our relationship, and yet the future still seems brighter than ever with such a lovely, happy boy to light the way. Although Eli and I may have not made it as a couple, I feel that we are doing all that we can to succeed at being the best parents that we can to Eddie and now share a special relationship as a family that has brought us all even closer than before. Seeing his progress after a mere two-hour session at the Bobath Centre was incredible, leading us to believe wholeheartedly that they can aid him in his growth and allow him to live a normal life, regardless of his premature birth. Above all else, I am immeasurably proud and grateful that Eddie is as stubborn as his parents with his never-give-up attitude towards life. He has seized every opportunity so far and I hope that he continues to do so for the rest of his life. He may have been unexpected, but the best gifts are always a surprise.”

Ben, Eddie’s Dad

Eddie was slowly getting better and once he was off any help with breathing, it was just a waiting game until he was ready to go home. I gave up on breastfeeding as the pressure of it and the slow decrease of my milk supply was bringing me down even more. Another hard thing on the unit was seeing all the babies come and go. Nurses told me to talk to other parents many times, and I did, I made a few friends, but most of the time I was jealous of their babies’ progress or the support they had around them… Most of the people I met through NICU always come back and look for a reason to drop in and say hi, but the journey through NICU is the one thing I would very much like to forget about. However, I am and will always be so grateful for all doctors and nurses that helped Eddie to fight for his life.

Eddie got discharged on the 12th of September, exactly 4 months after he was born. Ben and I roomed in for the last night, I don’t think we even exchanged one single word that night, now I know that Ben had never been that scared in his life, and I was too. Unfortunately for me, I was the one who had to be ok and strong. It was just expected of me. We were actually lucky, as Eddie didn’t need any oxygen help at home or a feeding tube, and yet it didn’t feel great.

The first few months at home were definitely not a piece of cake, but I guess it never is for any new parents. I can’t say we didn’t go through anything abnormal (apart from using a lot of syringes and medicine every day), just a lot of crying and the usual things that come with a ‘newborn’ baby. I had to take Eddie back to the hospital three times, twice for a bad episode of bronchiolitis (when once his lung partially collapsed) and once for a hernia operation. Apart from that, our Eddie has grown to be a very happy little boy and I’ve grown to love him more than anything in the world. So did Ben, despite all that’s happened. Our relationship didn’t survive, we failed as a couple, but not as parents, Eddie gave us the strength to realise that even when things aren’t going as planned, we can survive.

Eddie’s now 15 months old. He would have been 1 year old on the 1st of September 2019 if he was born on his due date and weighs an amazing 10 kg! He doesn’t roll over much (even though he can do it), he can’t sit up by himself, he doesn’t crawl and is behind with most of the normal milestones. I stopped taking Eddie to baby groups because I couldn’t cope with other children developing normally and felt like I wanted to give Eddie as much as I could to be able to give him a normal life. After contacting Bliss, an international charity for sick and premature babies and Bobath Centre for children with cerebral palsy, Eddie has been admitted onto the Early Intervention Scheme in Bobath Centre Wales and had his first assessment with a senior physiotherapist in August. We will have more sessions to go to and an intensive block every 4 months. It will be a lot of hard work and exercise and we are praying that Eddie will be able to have a normal life one day.

I wouldn’t wish for anybody to have an extremely premature child but I am happy to be the person I’ve become and that’s pretty much shaped by what I’ve been through over the last two years, even though I am still very far away from being ok with everything that’s happened. I have severe panic attacks and strong anxiety, I’ve become terrified of sharing personal things with people around me and I know this experience will affect me for a long time. Writing this story, however, and going through everything again seems to be the right step now, a step forward. All of my family, from my one thousands of miles away to my one here including Ben and Ben’s family and my close friends, we all love Eddie very much and I wouldn’t change that for anything. He is our little miracle!

Eli, Eddie’s mum

(originally posted on 15th August 2019)

”We did not know that our son, Ben, and Eli were expecting a baby until less than a month before Eddie was born, so everything seemed to happen incredibly quickly thereafter. We were very worried when Eli went into labour so early and whilst delighted at the news that Eddie had come into the world, we were also very anxious about not only our first and only grandson being born so prematurely (and all the health issues and problems arising from that) but also the pain and worry that our son and Eli would be going through, given the circumstances of Eddie’s very early birth. We tried to give as much support as we could, in whichever way we could, but living a 5 hour return journey away meant it was difficult to visit and we didn’t want to get in the way, so texts were the main means of information exchange. Ben and Eli kept us as well informed as they could, and news that the hospital had told them to go and say their final goodbyes on several occasions was truly heart-breaking, but Eddie clearly had different ideas and decided he wasn’t ready to leave. We first visited Eddie in the hospital incubator when he was 6 weeks old; he was so tiny and so beautiful, we fell in love with him immediately. We were overwhelmed at the wonderful support and care given by NICU and marvelled at Eddie’s fighting spirit. When Eddie came out of hospital, we visited again and the first time we babysat for him overnight, was really truly scary; there were so many things to remember: when to give his meds, when to feed, what to do if he choked, and so forth, but Eli and Ben’s calm parenting (plus the fact they were just a couple of streets away!) put us at ease and we had no problems at all; we thoroughly enjoyed the whole experience as any grandparents would. When we babysat again a few months later for 3 whole days all by ourselves, we loved every minute of it and just wished we lived closer so that we could help more readily.We know our son was affected very deeply by Eddie’s birth and struggled at first to cope as a father, and although this whole experience has taken a toll on Ben and Eli’s relationship with each other, we still very much see them all as part of our wider family. We have never ceased to be amazed at how wonderful they both are as parents, and at the strength and fortitude of Eddie – he is such a fighter. We are so happy and proud to be his grandparents, and were delighted that Bobath accepted Eddie onto their Early Intervention Scheme so that he can have extra help with his developmental issues; we’re sure this extra help will make all the difference in the world to him in the future.” Anne and Simon, Proud Grandparents

#CerebralPalsy #PrematureBaby

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