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#so she gets a lot of credit for this chapter existing lol
hoping this isn't a ~weird request but i would love to read your takedown/opinions of the failures of TRC as someone who was also reaaaally underwhelmed with how it handled an interesting setup/cast of characters and was left feeling very blah about the whole experience, and i'm having no luck poking thru your tumblr archives if it already exists :) no pressure ofc, enjoying your opinions on the new series regardless! (i personally deleted the ebook after struggling thru the first chapter oops!)
i was going to say "you have caught me on a day when i am crazy exhausted even after sleeping 12 hours so sure why not" but tbh i think that's giving myself too much credit re: my ability to resist this particular flavor of haterade, although it provides a nice justification. disclaimer that i haven't read anything from the original series since right after the raven king came out so i don't remember it super well. but like basically the problems with the raven cycle are two-fold: (1) the first three books are not very good (2) the raven king is the dumbest and most hateful piece of shit masquerading as a novel i have had the misfortune to encounter in my life. like you have to understand i went into this series having had it pitched to me but Dumb But Fun and for the first three books i was having a good time. i was often like "lol this is stupid" but i would say equally often i was like "aw my kids :')" in particular i remember that something clicked for me with BLLB where the books didn't get better but i suddenly like legit loved and cared about the characters and was invested in their relationships in a way where the flaws jumped out a lot less and i appreciated a lot of things stief had done and i made a pynch playlist and started drafting some fic and blah blah blah. and then the raven king came out and it was just, i can't emphasize enough, the worst book in the history of the printed word.
on point the first: the books are not great. stief comes up with some decent lines (funny similes, the occasional spurt of something pretty), and one of the things i will give her is that she can definitely set an Atmosphere (although this skill seems to have gone missing for CDTH) - monmouth manufacturing and fox way both feel like places that are just a bit too interesting to be real but in a nice way. overall though i find her prose weirdly stilted and artificial and tryhard. i think at some point i called her what taylor swift would be as a novelist, back when our most recent taylor albums were red & 1989, and i more or less stand by that - "losing him was like driving a new maserati down a dead-end street" feels like something stief could write, but instead of a 3-minute country-pop song, it's 350 pages of that. also i have genuinely never encountered an author worse at plotting. there's a weird and almost baffling shapelessness to the books that is truly like nothing else i've read in a bad way. like i said this a couple days ago but i felt like it gave me a new respect for every other bad to mediocre novel i had read in my life, because apparently those authors did all have some kind of basic skillset so fundamental i hadn't appreciated it until i read one who absolutely does not. and also the thing i have said before of, every book has a million chapters about the villain who has nothing to do with anything, and every single one of those chapters is boring as absolute fuck. the whelk chapters in TRB are sort of retroactively justified by the noah reveal, which on reflection i think remains the most successful thing she's pulled off, but the others are interminable and completely without reward for the reader.
even fans of the series seem to concede that plotting is not her strong suit, and the things people tend to like her for are (1) her writing, which... sure. i don't think it is good but you do you. and if i am forcing myself to be fair i will say that at the very least she does have a distinct voice and doesn't have that horrible flat YA Novelist Affect that has taken over what i sometimes feel insane swearing used to be a much more vibrant and stylistically diverse genre at least in terms of the things that made their way to my sphere of awareness. so. fine. and then (2) her characters. and like yeah the TRC crew is cute. they're fun. i liked that gansey was kind of insufferable and the books made no attempt to pretend otherwise. i did love classic scorpio depresso bean trauma freak ronan lynch, and i loved how as the series went on he was both a snarling anger machine and an idiot teenage boy with the most embarrassing crush in the world. i liked blue's ambition and her imperfect but passionate feminism. i loved adam parrish's teeth-gritted determination.
and i did absolutely fall for the pynch of it all. ronan lynch, who could have anything he wanted, desperate for the affection of the one guy who had no patience for his bullshit! adam parrish, who saw himself as so lowly, falling for this almost ethereal creature who dreamed beautiful things! the way ronan's main hobby was wallowing in self-pity but the person he was attracted to was the guy who refused to act like it wasn't time for ronan to grow the fuck up. the way adam had such a fraught relationship with anger, his own anger and that of other people, but he saw so keenly through to who ronan really was that while ronan's anger exasperated him, it never scared him or made him feel like he had any obligation but to be his honest self. the way hard-edged ronan dreamed adam lotion for his hands and labeled it in freaking LATIN, the way tense adam started finding a new respect for ronan without ever feeling a need to become more deferential or apologetic. i mean it was good shit. it was such good shit that i really and truly believed that while she was not the greatest writer in the world, stief must have built this particular dynamic between these two people on purpose. she must have deliberately planned for their slow-burning mutual attraction and deepening care to communicate these exact things about what their value was to each other - ronan giving adam space to dream, adam tugging ronan into reality - and while i was pretty sure the last book would be dumb, because all the books were dumb and she'd thrown a lot of balls into the air that she was not gonna catch, and especially because i had the sense she was going to want a neat happy ending which meant either gansey wasn't going to die (boring) or gansey was going to die but everyone was somehow going to be okay by the end anyway (stupid), i was also like, well at least pynch are gonna get together and it's going to be this really nice culmination of both their arcs.
hahahahahahahahahahahaha
the short version of why TRK made me feel so wild with rage was that it made extremely clear that everything i had enjoyed about the books up till that point had happened 10000% by accident. pynch is a good example of this. all that stuff i talked about above, all the push-pull dynamics of them, all the stuff that made them a good ship - it turned out that none of it mattered. none of it was relevant. none of it was even worth mentioning. because none of it, actually, was on purpose. adam and ronan get together by making out, which i respect. they do not have a conversation after that happens. not like, they hook up and don't took about it right away. i mean they don't have a post-makeout conversation IN THE ENTIRE BOOK. there is no moment where either of them says or even thinks, like - why this person. which is dumb for ronan because he has been so horny about adam, but hateful for adam because he is out of ronan's league unless we're being very clear about why this is a good fit! the stuff about ronan helping adam normalize his relationship to anger, lmao. nowhere to be found. instead we get gansey telling adam, "don't hurt him." repeat: we get gansey telling adam, who tries the hardest all the time of all people ever and who is half convinced he should be in jail for having feelings, to make sure he is nice to ronan, whose ENTIRE BRAND is "huge fucking asshole all the time for no reason." because ronan is "fragile." which like, sure. he's a half-orphan [at that point] with a fucked up life whose brain tried to kill him two years ago. but adam is an 18 year old paying all his own bills who moved out of his parents' house the day his dad DEAFENED HIM IN ONE EAR, and somehow this does not grant him any kind of special dispensation for care in the ganseyverse. and this is not ever in any way contradicted or challenged or complicated or even referred to later by the text. crime!
meanwhile, ronan... [pinches nose, sighs heavily]. again i said recently that the dream thieves should have told me her hand was not steady on the steering well. because what happens in the dream thieves is ronan meets someone who is like him but bad, and learns from him, and then figures out how to be himself but good. which is a fun sexy idea for a story, but the book fucks it up because ronan is too aware at all times of what a dirtbag kavinsky is and too untempted by his wild ways. there's no real fall, so there can't be a real rise. he fucks up his best friend's car, which he knows is also his best friend's number one most prized possession on earth, and the resolution to that is: hey dude my bad i killed your car but it's okay i dreamed you a copy of it. ???????? that's like parent who runs over your cat and says it's okay because they'll take you to the pet store tomorrow logic [realized in the middle of that i stole that image from sandman sorry]. i mean, in a vacuum, i guess it's not exactly. but like: ronan doesn't address the situation by learning anything about how not to be the kind of person who destroys something of great emotional value to someone he cares about. he addresses the situation by learning how to do his superpower good. this is not emotionally satisfying fantasy writing. it's hollow and stupid. and it's extra stupid because the book's attempt at an emotional resolution later down the line is that ronan needs to... hate himself less. which he can do by... realizing he doesn't hate himself. ??????? once again: empty. unbelievable. stupid. there's no connection there to, like, "now that i hate myself less, i can and should be less of a dick to everyone all the time," much less "one way of hating myself less might be to stop doing things that make me extremely unlikable." just: he hates himself less, he's no longer alone, he can dream whatever he wants, he's cool with his big gay crush now. weak. and like it was weak for me at the time, but reading BLLB i did think: well, the hand lotion. well, the trying to dream up a soul for the dream people. well, the big hug with blue at the end. ronan is growing and changing following his experience. it's kind of a shame we don't get his POV on any of this. but we'll probably catch up with him in the next book.
and again: no. i mean, we get ronan's POV, yeah. but none of it is reflective of someone like consciously trying to break the destructive and harmful (to self and others) habits he had forged in his grief. none of it conveys any awareness on the part of character or text that, like, deciding on purpose to be a decent human being matters. that maybe it's the kind of thing you should commit to before falling into a long distance relationship with someone who probably has PTSD from their abusive parents. that it can be hard, that it's rewarding. none of that. instead - i don't even fucking remember what. at one point he feels guilty about holding adam back and then he thinks, i'm not asking him to stay, just to come back, like ok that makes it so much better. you're just asking adam parrish, a steel whirlwind of ambition, to go to the ivy league college he has just about killed himself getting to because of how desperately he wants to escape the shithole town where he had his traumatic childhood, and then move back in four years' time. which again is not discussed. it's just taken for granted that ronan wants to stay at the barns forever. he tells declan he wants to drop out of high school [a choice being made by an eighteen year old two years after the traumatic experience of finding his dad's murdered corpse] and be a farmer and drive a tractor in circles on the property, which would be kind of funny given that his family farm is populated by dream creatures, except that like the book takes him weirdly seriously and also this is not intended as a metaphor. like his endgame in that series is that this traumatized teenager is living by himself on the barns fucking around and dreaming forever with like 3 friends all of whom are leaving town and zero ties to human reality or goals or desires of any kind and this is treated as a happy ending. even though by the way his mom got brutally murdered eight months before the stupid epilogue. but he's doing fine [stief hates women so bad]. [again it's SO funny that the first dreamer book opens with "ronan realized that his life was totally pathetic and depressing so he decided to move." like there was not this level of complexity present when you wrote the dumb epilogue!]
i keep forgetting about how ronan dreams into existence a weird little feral fawn creature/person and is bizarrely chill about it. also how his mom is his dad's dream and his little brother is his own dream and it's really explicit that his mom in particular does not have a personality of her own but just responds by giving whoever she's talking to whatever kind of person they want to interact with, which is the moooooost fuuuuuucked uuuup thiiiiiing eeeeeeverrrrrrrrrrr, and the books are just like. yeah this is normal and fine. [again sooo funny that in the dreamer trilogy declan is like "unbelievably fucked up that my little brother and mom are dreams." like yeah it is! where did you get that idea maggie. was it in the tumblr tags.]
what else. she ruined blue liking space, which didn't seem possible. blue doesn't like space and want big things because she's a smart spunky girl in nowheresville virginia feisty enough to dare to believe she can make her own life. no. it's because her dad is a tree person and trees like the sky because they grow upwards. whenever i tell people this i have to emphasize how much i'm not exaggerating or making it up. this is what it says in the text. she's like "oh that makes sense." ???????? i dwell on this one a lot because it's soooooo so so so stupid, but also because i think it really encapsulates the thing that makes TRK not just stupid but actively repellant to me, which is that you get the sense reading it that stief thinks it's better when things come from weird magic shit instead of from like real human characteristics and psychology. like for a series about friendship it winds up feeling to me weirdly and grossly misanthropic - none of these people are special or worth caring about because they are human people, it's all because of their magic Stuff. it's all because oh they actually WERE more special than everyone all along, not because of the choices they made but because they were born to it (why is ronan the only one who can take from the ley line without stealing? is it because of the kind of person he is? no. it's bc he's Special). ronan's dreaming, blue's treeness, and then gansey being actually all along a time-shifted resurrected friendship amalgamation creature who felt an instant kinship with his friends, again, not because he was a lonely teenage boy seeking out fellow weirdos to care about, but because they literally had met him before. adam, the only genuinely human character left by the end, meanwhile still is constantly asked by the text to apologize for his existence, not just in the "don't hurt him" scene but in the absolute nightmare section in the end where he goes back to his abusive parents' house for closure(????) and reflects primarily on how ugly and small his trailer was (?????????) and feels startled to discover an instinct in himself to help other adams who might be stuck like he once was, and then immediately conceptualizes this as something blue or gansey would think, which is so hateful i can't even process it. like adam at no point in this last book is acknowledged to have had a positive influence on anyone else even though he's better than the lot of them put together, but he has to kowtow to blue and gansey in his own brain for teaching him (a poor abused kid) that he might empathize with poor abused kids???? when to my sincere recollection NEITHER of them has ever like on the page demonstrated any kind of do-gooding impulse? their hobbies are myth-hunting and unskilled clothing manufacture? perfectly acceptable hobbies for a pair of teens but like? why does she hate poor people and victims of abuse so bad...
the big bad demon that is destroying the town is shaped like a wasp. gansey has a bee/wasp allergy and one time died from bees. these two things are never connected. henry cheng is upgraded to a main character because maggie heard you like diversity and now has a completely different personality than when he was an amiable preppy dbag who happened to be asian. now he has a mother in the mob and a tragic backstory about being kidnapped that taught him that you can't let fear rule your life and if you're scared you should be scared and then do it and be happy anyway, which is pretty good advice for things like an irrational fear of closed spaces that can't actually hurt you but really not applicable to someone who both does literally have a deadly allergy to bees and also has spent the past four years traipsing willy nilly all over the place not even bothering to keep his epipen with him. it turns out gansey's big moral lesson has nothing to do with for example his obsessive desire to control his friends but actually like ronan he just needs to love himself better and realize that his friends care about him after all. please notice again that ronan and gansey, rich boys acting out, need to love themselves more. this is dumb but if this was like the thesis of the whole series i would be like, that was stupid but whatever. but what of adam parrish, a poor abused kid who was abused so hard he is now a poor abused disabled kid? does he get self-love? no. he gets to realize that his rich friends have made him a better person, and be relieved that he's escaped from poverty because of how the aesthetics were bad. I MEAN IT'S SOOOOOO CRAZY AUGHHHHHHH
i forgot when i was talking about henry cheng the scene where blue and gansey go to the asian kids' house and are like "wow such diversity so culture," which is like a nightmare edward said had once. like they're just so excited to have discovered this exotic exciting new world and to learn about things like how henry cheng makes asian jokes because if he says all the bad things about himself first then other people won't say them. and i shit you not, the entire sequence is done in narration, with spoken lines appearing in italics in the middle of descriptive paragraphs, not rendered with dialogue as an actual scene, a technique she doesn't use anywhere else that i can recall and which really serves to just be like... here is this Mass of Asianness, as opposed to being normal about it and being like "here's some asian kids having a party." i haven't seen anyone comment on this technical feature but i think about it all the time because it makes me feel insane. it's one of the few things i've read in the past however many years where i read it and was like "i guess i was naive before about racism." like it's not that i didn't know but i was like, wow in 2016 you can still just transparently have your entire ability to conceptualize scene and narrative totally warped by an attempt to feature non-white people and no one will be like, hey we're all unlearning a lot of stuff but maybe let's rethink this before we go to print. there's a scene where ronan jokes about henry's mixed-raceness by saying "which half" which i do think is stief being unaware of the optics bc she's dumb but still comes across real bad and then there's also a scene where ronan does a "vaguely offensive" imitation of henry's voice which i truly have no fucking idea what the hell that is supposed to mean on a literal concrete basis other than making fun of an asian kid's accent. in both of these cases gansey and blue are disapproving and adam snickers and it's like, ok so pynch is racist now. cool. who asked for this, maggie. and also see above re: i really gaslit myself into thinking that one of the points of this series was that ronan learns to be a better person. my bad! (he sort of attempts at one point to make up with declan about how ronan has treated him so bad and also ronan was obviously his dad's favorite. but like his way of doing this is he gives him a toy he dreamed called a Orb. if i were declan i would throw his Orb back in his face. but like that's how broken the ethos of these books is. a heartwarming reunion between two brothers torn apart by the death of the father that they both equally lost hello declan is also a teenage orphan - and it's just. here's some garbage i got you. i didn't even spend money on it. it just happened.)
in addition to ronan's mom the lady bad guy also dies a horrible bloody death that feels a lot more gratuitously fucked up than any of the man deaths in the series. oh i forgot about how blue's mom is dating a hitman who killed ronan's dad and ronan just like doesn't care about this after the first five minutes at all. and neither does anyone else. and then he wanders offscreen... i forget why. we never get any intel on why blue is destined to kill her first love if they kiss or if that would have happened with anyone but gansey or if she and gansey can kiss after he's resurrected or what. like the prophecy that kicks off the series, and just: nada. gansey sells his beloved home to bribe aglionby into letting ronan graduate and the two of them never talk about this and the text never clarifies whether ronan bothered to graduate or not (and in CDTH it turns out he didn't). like another way this alleged series about friendship is weirdly misanthropic is i really was not convinced by the end of it that these people were friends. none of them are seen ever enjoying each other's company or thinking well of each other outside of the two romantic pairings and gansey going apeshit about how awesome henry cheng is. also gansey's whole big quest for meaning blah blah, like i don't super care that glendower is dead, i think you could write a good book with that moment working thematically even though it does fuck with your continuity because who the fuck were the three sleepers. what was with those birds. (there's a lot of mysterious/spooky shit that never gets addressed and like... again i think you could write a book where that works, i don't like to be prescriptive about this stuff, but again: play stupid games win stupid prizes. write a dumbass book that invests a lot of time in the importance of its magic and worldbuilding, and i will get annoyed when your magic and worldbuilding is dumb as fuck and/or totally pointless.) but it's like ok so then the idea should be that the whole point of gansey's glendower quest was actually an internal one, that the payoff of SIXTEEN HUNDRED PAGES of this is some kind of life lesson or emotional shift or whatever. and the payoff is that gansey realizes his friends love him (which again: but do they though? like do they really?), and that he and blue and henry take a gap year. that's the big exciting finale. a year off before gansey goes to college, with his true love and a guy he first hung out with eight months ago. HELLO? like who gives any kind of a shit about that. about any of this. what the fuck was all this for. this all happened so that two rich teenagers could like themselves better. are you fucking kidding me maggie? hateful!
anyway. i'm sure at the time there was more i was forgetting because this book was sooooo boring and every single thing that happened in it was stupid. i feel like this was very incoherent but in my defense these books are hard to critique coherently because they are, again, so stupid. CDTH from what i remember reading it through the first time and continue to pick up now like hangs together as a book better certainly than TRK did but my experience is such that every time she does something passably right i truly can only be like, wonder how she's gonna fuck this one up to kingdom come.
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galadrieljones · 3 months
Text
Author Interview
Thanks for the tag, @littlelindentree ^_^ Happy New Year!
1. how many works do you have on AO3?
20
2. what's your total AO3 word count?
981,132
3. what fandoms do you write for?
I have written for Dragon Age: Inquisition, Red Dead Redemption 2, Horizon: Zero Dawn, The Last of Us, and The Walking Dead
4. what are your top five fics by kudos?
The Lily Farm (Arthur Morgan x Mary Beth Gaskill, RDR2)
That he may hold me by the hand (Arthur Morgan x Albert Mason, RDR2)
The Dead Season (Solavellan, DAI)
Magnolia (Bethyl, TWD)
Yours, Sadie Adler. (Sadithur, RDR2)
5. do you respond to comments?
Yes, as often as I can. Sometimes, I forget on older fics. I'm sorry about that. If someone is rude to me in the comments though, I will respond rudely!
6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Probably Teen Wolf. It's a story collection so the ending isn't really "true," but it's the end of Solas and Ghilan'nain's love story, in my mind. It's sad and bittersweet, as in the story, they are talking about building a house on the back acreage of Solas's mother's property, but I envision the very next day as being the day that Andruil invades the Weathers, kidnapping both Ghilan'nain and Solas's mother Leanathy, and beginning the Great War. In the ensuing days, Andruil's men leave Solas for dead, and when he wakes up, he goes to Mythal and begs her to free his mother in exchange for his loyalty. She accepts, rescuing and protecting Leanathy in her Blue Palace, and Solas becomes her Bodyguard. Eventually, he is elevated to her General, then he becomes her lover. During the war, after Ghilan'nain's betrayal, the Evanuris murder Mythal, and Solas, out of vengeance and grief, builds the veil and imprisons them all, including Mythal's soul, which would, over time, resurrect into her body, using special magic taught to her by Solas's mother many thousands of years before.
7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Well, most of my long fics are unfinished. I'm sorry about that. I think that The Dead Season has a happy ending. So does Yours, Sadie Adler., thought it is bittersweet.
8. do you get hate on fics?
Not tons at all. I have gotten a few rude commenters over the years, mainly people being weirdly critical of my writing style in ways that are, frankly, moronic, and also some people who just want me to write more smut. But I don't write much smut anymore, and I don't think fics need smut to be worthy or interesting. If you only want a smut fic, you probably won't like my writing. Remember that tags exist so that you can see what you're getting into before you crack the first chapter!!!!
9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?
Lol. Speaking of. I used to write much more. It was never the overly explicit kind and I didn't have any specific kinks I liked to explore, but I wrote a lot of it for DAI and RDR2. I still write sex scenes for sure, it's just that they tend to be character driven.
10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?
I have never written a real crossover; however, I do have some crossover characters in The Lily Farm. In the later chapters, I have two main characters who are taken from other texts: Woodrow Call from Lonesome Dove and LaBoeuf from True Grit. Both are Texas Rangers, and in my fic, they owe Dutch a few rather large favors. They help Arthur and Mary Beth on the river boat job, which goes terribly wrong. They also help break John out of federal prison. They are two of my favorite characters in the fic.
11. have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not that I know of. I've had plenty of art stolen over the years and I don't even keep track anymore. Mainly it just gets reposted without credit on like, Pinterest. Oh well!
12. have you ever had a fic translated?
Not that I know of! But I am amenable.
13. have you ever co-written a fic before?
I don't think so!
14. what's your all-time favourite ship?
I have several though Bethyl and Solavellan are probably tied for first.
15. what's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
The Lily Farm. In truth there's not a ton left to write. But it's been 84 years like I don't even remember the geography of the game. I would have to replay RDR2, at least through chapter 4. I also wish I could finish Zero, my Niloy fic for HZD. I still think about them, and I still occasionally get really really nice comments on that fic. I honestly wish I could finish all my old fics. Like That he may hold, which also has maybe one closing chapter left to write. I wish I could finish As You Were, too, my TLOU fic, just so that I can save Joel's life, and as a big fuck you to Neil Druckmann.
16. what are your writing strengths?
I'm not sure. Pacing has probably always been my greatest strength.
17. what are your writing weaknesses?
Overwriting, getting bored. My issue is often that I start a fic with modest goals but then those goals get bigger and bigger as I go, and I can't help myself. Then, I eventually get bored and I don't finish. I view fanfic as a way for authors to express themselves and their hyperfixations in the moment. I think that the quality of being "unfinished" is, in an of itself, conventional to fanfiction; however, I still view my general lack of focus as a weakness.
18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
Don't translate it. Just put it there. If your reader cares enough and doesn't know the translation, they'll look it up. If they don't care enough to do this, then they're not your target audience. The internet makes this sort of thing very easy.
19. first fandom you wrote for?
Technically it's the boyband fandom (*NSync and Backstreet Boys, mainly) in like 1998, but in actuality, it's Dragon Age: Inquisition in 2016.
20. favourite fic you've written?
Probably Yours, Sadie Adler. It feels the most complete, and I still don't know how I managed to write that fic so quickly, when I was like three weeks postpartum with my second baby, and with very little revision. It just flowed out of me, like it was already written in my mind, and all I had to do was type it out. I have received some really lovely comments on it over the years. It seems to affect people deeply, which makes me very happy, because it came from a very raw place in my heart.
I will tag @thevikingwoman @bearlytolerant @roguelioness @gneebee @shallow-gravy @a-shakespearean-in-paris @pipergirl17 @sasusc and @im-immortal <3
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imgoingtocrash · 4 months
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Hi there, it's your Secret Santa :) Hope you had a wonderful week! Two questions for today: 1) When reading a longer story, do you have a preferred chapter length? 2) What did you think of Andor (the TV show)? What was your favourite story arc?
Hello again!
1. Not particularly? I trust the author to know what’s up lol. Most often I find I like a 20k words with ~5 chapters sort of mid-length oneshot sort of thing. Like it has spaced out beats so that I can take a break between chapters if needed, but overall it’s a singular story, if that makes sense. But I’ve also read 20+ chapter fics that update with 2-5k words every week or so. The fic always dictates that kind of thing for me lol.
2. My feelings toward Andor are…complicated. Which I think is a familiar sentiment in the fandom.
Like, I wanted more Cassian Andor, and I got it, and there are some really great pieces of story and writing in there. The score is absolutely incredible. I hope it makes it into at least a couple of Emmy categories.
(Particularly I watched Luther: The Fallen Sun right around when No Way Out aired, and Andy Serkis has some damn RANGE this year and he deserves some supporting credit for sure for that or Andor.)
The cinematography, direction, and set design is INCREDIBLY unique for modern Star Wars. The choice of not using The Wall and doing as much practical set construction as possible SHOWS. It has an intimacy I think the new movies strayed away from, and it benefits what Andor as a show is trying to do. Not to mention that the RO/Rebelcaptain fandom has feasted on scraps for like 5 years and we actually got a lot to play with from the show. (When/If Cassian says Jyn’s name in s2 I will need to be hospitalized ❤️)
But. The Kenari/Kassa thing. The Maarva and Clem “adoption” situation. Some lack of decent reputation. It’s not really my place to elaborate on some of it as a white person, but I’m keeping up with those conversations in the fandom and I find myself agreeing with a lot of them.
Have I proposed AU ideas about Maarva meeting a RO!Lives team with Cassian? Sure. Do I think the way people are writing Cassian’s POV on the canon is really interesting? So far, hell yeah.
As usual, I’m willing to deal with the sandbox I’ve been given and play around in it, but I do think there’s room for improvement, and I’m an OG Rebelcaptain fan, so I’m always down for anyone that chooses to ignore the rewriting of Cassian’s Festian history. I’ll pretend the show doesn’t exist any day of the week and ride whatever vibes the author is putting down.
But as for favorite story arc, I did really enjoy the prison arc (and the kick in the ass of Cassian building the thing that kills him, because we love an awful full circle moment.)
Also, the beginnings of Rebellion Intelligence! I think Mon gets a bad rap sometimes when it’s like…she and Bail literally clawed this whole thing out of nothing. The Padme BFFs Club had a bunch of credits and a hope and eventually saved the galaxy by being true to what they always believed was right. They rule imo.
Also, my favorite scene is the end where Cassian is like “kill me or recruit me bitch” kebdnsn his eyes are so SAD and WET that’s my poor little meow meow spy 🥹
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safyresky · 1 year
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Frostmas Year Nine: Behind the Scenes
Prologue | Y1 | Y2 | Y3 | Y4 | Y5 | Y6 | Y7 | Y8 | Y9 | Y10 | Y11 | Y12
(in Kermit the Frog voice) Let's begin!
I straight up thought this chapter would be fairly short, because when I wrote it out in point form the events didn’t seem like they’d have a lot of action. Then I began writing it, and I was DEAD wrong
I listened to the opening scene of the North Pole Resort SOO MANY TIMES to hear the lyrics to the song perfectly. I had to ask my wonderful housemate to take a listen to try and figure out the “santa t-shirts, santa ties” line and WHEN I FINALLY WATCHED IT ON DISNEY WITH SUBTITLES, HEARD THAT I GOT IT W R O N G! It's Santa SIZE. I'll have to change that up lol
FUN FACT! “at this point I’ve adopted a stance of the less I know, the better” is my family’s motto up until recently
“I like the cut of your berg” is one of my FAVOURITE frosty-fying slang lines I’ve ever done! It’s a frosty version of “I like the cut of your jib” which was used in sailing in the 1700s ish to describe if an incoming ship was frens or not frens
-> I originally thought it was just some funky 20s slang, then googled it to make sure I was right and learnt the above!
-> the berg is short for iceberg--B likes the cut of Jacqueline’s iceberg, being the idea to maybe get rid of the awful recordings :)
Sometimes I’m like ‘these things don’t really need explaining’ but I get excited about my own work and then have to share how I got the ideas with everyone so ONWARDS I SUPPOSE
Man I miss multi-level lists! this Frostmas BTS has been in my drafts for FOREVER, and was the last one I did before tumblr switched to the new post editor
WHICH DOESN'T LIKE MULTI LEVEL BULLETED LISTS!
So it's kinda all over the place. My bad lmao.
LET'S KEEP ON KEEPING ON
Jacqueline realizing that she hadn’t updated everyone on what the elves thought of her nonsense was a BLESSING because I realized that I hadn’t addressed it, so thank you for that opportunity, Jacqueline
Archie's Guide to Important People in the North Pole: Big Man->Santa. Boss Man->Bernard.
I would like to take this moment to credit @shittyelfwriter with Archie’s existence in those few chapters of ROE, because I love him and always picture him as the elf playing the piano and going UGH and facepalming during Jack’s rendition of North Pole, North Pole (pictured below). THANK YOU FOR NAMING THE BOY, ANA!
The conversation between Jacqueline and Archie, that dripped sarcasm, was my favourite thing to write this chapter :D
The scene with Chrys give you weird vibes of all manner? Yeah, that was intentional. "Perfection" can be unsettling, after all
Bernard is definitely so DONE this year and it SHOWS -> That is exactly what I was going for, especially since I know that he's not normally
Okay so. Let's Talk About Chrys. TW: Sexual Themes
very embarrassing, but I got the concept from a series of fantasy erotica novels and I wish I was joking
(they’re called the World of Hetar series, very good, very very VERY smutty. I’d say it’s 60% SEX, 30% PLOT, and 10% SEX DRIVEN PLOT)
(I know people who know me are like YOU READ SMUT? YOU?? AN ACE??? and yes, I did, I read exclusively smut from the ages of 12-17 because my Dad worked for "Trash Romance Novel Company" and brought home books for free every month, and the books were, in fact, mostly if not totally smut)
Erotica aside, I quite liked how the author had built up the magical world, the beings, and how magic works in it
In the third or fourth book, called “The Twilight Lord”, the fairies ally with the desert princes who are some kind of magical fae themselves, and they create the Perfect Wife for the corrupt leader of the neighbouring continent to distract him from starting a war
She was a mix of his current 2 wives and the things he liked about them, and looked like the protagonist, Lara, who cursed him to not be able to fuck I shit you not and who he ALSO had a big huge thirst for which was GROSS because he was old as fuck and even though she’s half fairy, she was like. 12 or 13
And this new wife is able to GET IT UP with him, hence how he’d be distracted--he really liked sex (reminder: this is an erotica series)
So he’s too busy fucking her and then on top of that, she would divide the other two wives and basically bring the house down from the inside, neutralizing the threat of this corrupt sex loving mofo
And that’s where the idea of Chrys came from!
So basically tl;dr: Chrys was inspired by a spell a sexy bunch of desert princes in an erotica series did to make the perfect wife for their enemy and knock him right tf down :)
How this works with Cheri’s magic: same concept, less sex
Chrysanthemum is a Perfect Being, who is bound to a specific magibean. Chrys’s purpose is to be Jack’s Mrs Claus, and because she was made with dark magic she drains energy of those around her (except for jack’s energy bc he’s the person she’s bound to) and magnifies bad ideas
spoiler alert: in the long run, Chrys will be TOO perfect and TOO agreeable for Jack and he’ll grow tired and it adds to the whole “I thought this would get me everything I’ve ever wanted but it didn’t” long term theme I have going for Jack as Santa
but yeah
end tw for sexual themes. away from chrys we go!
battled with the “cultural appropriation” bit because I felt as though it may be insensitive but then I wrote it anyway because that’s what it is at it’s base :\
it was supposed to be a stand in? I'd go back and change later? then I didn't. We're rolling with it now lol
Have you ever heard Elf’s Lament by the Barenaked Ladies?
Because it’s where I got the Union Comment from
Then I was like “but DO THEY HAVE UNION???!?!” and remembered the “accident or design” thing and realized “OH they ARE their own union” and figured that in terms of a Santa like JACK, The council would step in (which they’ve done. and tried to do stuff. but haven’t had luck bc PLOT)
god Frostmas is exhausting. Villains are underappreciated for all the effort they put into for being on TOP of things
(in Korvo Solar opposites Voice) what fucking scene are we on. why are these so long. why did i do this to myself. FUCK
ANYWAY CIRCLING BACK TO THIS MESS OF A BTS!
This uniform thing was unplanned/meant to be just a footnote. Then. Well. THIS.
It is a decent feature of the Resort in the movie so, I guess it works out :)
FUN FACT: I was playing a very good dnd campaign at the time! And that's how Davian got her name, lol. One of the amazing NPCs was named Davian, and we had a really good session with them and the name stuck and boom! Into Frostmas it goes. Once again, Frostmas is proving to be a time capsule reminding me of wtf I was doing while writing these bad boys :)
I miss my friend's campaign ):
And yeah, this fight is one Jacqueline cannot win. this is on the elves. So what does she do? Goes back to her hyperfocus of destorying SantaJack
How? By figuring out wtf Chrys is >:)
STUPID DUMB CHRYS
Alright. Scene subheadings are back! Right on.
"Myles would be proud AND would probably have been able to connect the dots and figure out what was up, and then place it on a neat presentation board, to boot."
LEGATE DROP! Myles is Tooth Fairy's Legate! He's v sweet, a lil bit clumsy, SUPER into conspiracies--hence Jacqueline being like "MAN I WISH THAT KIDS WAS HERE, HE'D KNOW WTF IS UP"
So let's talk about BLINTER. Just to clarify: THEY WERE NOT ABOUT TO GET IT ON IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DEN. This is just a typical post work day for them: start a fire, make a blanket nest, be cozy until kid 2, 3, or 4 come to harass them
Blaise is pouty bc they didn't even get a single cuddle in before Kid 2 came in like
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And I was 100% referencing the meme lmao.
god tumblr killed the quality. I'll post it separately. ANYWAY
the Blinter and Jacquie scene was fun to write! This is one of the scenes where I was dropping very strong hints that Jacqueline was freezing--and Winter AND Blaise were noticing. Winter'll explain it all in Y11 ;)
FINAL RESORT
"You could really tell that graphic design was Chrys's passion"
another meme reference:
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I think we, as a collective people using slang, should bring back "gag me with a spoon". Also some older slang! I try to sneak those in when I know of some to show. Y'know. AGE.
This whole scene with Jack and Chrys actually was me laying the ground work for FINAL RESORT. Trying to get in all of the booths we see, the petting zoo, and the different announcements about various activities set up before the double digit years! That was my goal :)
THE ELVES UNION AT WORK
Ah yes. the walk out. God, this uniform thing was meant to be small, but lord did it EVER go big. I'm actually okay with it--my y9 notes were so lacklustre, I was concerned it would be (you'll laugh I know) TOO SHORT lmao
No. Fr. Look at them.
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"Because those outfits are a joke, and you wouldn't catch me dead wearing those."
Sassnard. We Stan.
"I'm so proud of all of my crew," said Davian. "Crimes against fashion should NEVER be tolerated!"
"And the break from the constant ruined showtunes, what a relief!" said Archie, leaning very far back in his stool."
The elves have their priorities lol. I Bet Archie and Davian are biffers.
Curtis on damage control was A) a stroke of genius on my part and B) the way I decided to start laying the groundwork for Customer Service Sales Person Curtis we see when Scott gets to the Resort! God, there is SO MUCH GROUND WORK FOR VARIOUS ITTY BITTY BITS WE SEE IN THE MOVIE, IT'S ACTUALLY INSANE. No wonder you all dig Frostmas so much. good lord
And then, we have it! Final Resort. Wholly heckeros! And yes, I did indeed name the Fire Marshall. Marshal. I'm a genius 🙃🙃🙃
""Course! It's lunch. I doubt anything will happen during lunch."
Famous last words, B-Man. And yes, I did that on purpose >:)
CHRYS UNMASKED. AND ALSO, IT'S CHERI!
Cheri's...interesting
While she is master of the dark witch arts, she isn't evil? Very chaotic. Kind of lets it slide a lot of the time when Witches use "dark" magic. Everything has a price, blah blah blah, it's not her place to tell people off about it--that's her sister's place, Gwen, aka, Glenda, master of the light witch arts
And also, dark magic will take what it needs in response. She just makes sure people don't use it SUPER illegally. Otherwise she kills em. It's her favourite part of the job :)
Lawful Evil?? Idk.
FUN FACT: She gave Gwen the nickname Glenda, like the good witch in The Wizard of Oz (derogatory), and Gwen went, "oh! Glenda, like the good witch in The Wizard of Oz (affectionate)? you're such a sweet sister I'll take it :)" and now everyone calls her Glenda much to Cheri's (dis)satisfaction.
Cheri is very not serious and hates being called in for business unless murder is involved. She does NOT ignore any summons, ESPECIALLY from Mother Nature.
Hence why Tara had a easy enough time getting her in
But Cheri does NOT make things easy for people, nope!
"Hay, Jacquie" a la Catra going "Hay, Adora". I was watching SPOP at the time. It's a DAMN good show, Catra/Adora my BELOVEDS
FUN FACT: Only recently decided how Warlocks worked in my universe! They know everything and can guide ANY castor. It's like a reverse of Warlocks in DnD. They don't need a patron; they ARE patrons!
By RETIRING Cheri means that a lot of Warlocks went into Rosehaven with the Call. They were making BANK on the feuding fae factions.
Petty vengeance->one night stand with Jack where he said he'd call back, and didn't, which Cheri expected but any excuse for petty revenge is a good one! Good karma->Cheri explains it herself: if it helps the "good" forces, and she contributed to it, she gets a bit of a pass on being The Worst :)
OH SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT THE SNAP BACK INTO THE PRESENT
this was an idea I had had since like, the BEGINNING. Halfway through or so, Jack would bug Jacqueline in the proper timeline, to check in and also let her know that he'd like a turn and also, as a plot device so I could remind everyone it's a story of the past being told from the future, and plant the seed of "wait, is Jacqueline going to forget it? Or is she going to remember it?"
Is she? Well, you're not finding out until the Epilogue :)
It is just as jarring as I had hoped it'd be, especially since I forgot all about it! I was ready to title this section THE END and talk about Bernard's amazing exit.
But yeah, it was a fun reminder that this takes place POST redemption, TECHNICALLY, which is a lot of fun! And that was so pleasantly jarring. I'm pleased >:)
anyway
THE END: BERNARD'S STELLAR EXIT
if you listen to this version of the halo theme song on loop, you may enter the space I entered when I wrote this bit
anyway. i love Jack. He is. the Blorboest Blorbo EVER. But he did, in fact, steal Christmas for his own holiday and turned the park into a Resort. Implying that there is an overnight stay. Especially with a pamphlet THAT THICK. It;s not even a pamphlet. It's a fucking guide book. FUCK.
And like, there were no hotels that we saw. Maybe there are inns! I mean, the Winter Wonderland has rooms. But I digress.
REGARDLESS, something needed to happen to really get B-Man, well, GONE. And this was the final straw: Elf's houses for you to stay at, with your own personal elfsisstant!
It HURT to SUGGEST Jack would make the elves like. SERVANTS so I tried really hard to avoid that sort of thing--but yeah, they'd be like hotel staff but live in. Imagine being an elf and having to NANNY HUMANS?! FUCK
"That's what your emotional support sprite is for," I said.->Meme alert! "sir this is my emotional support x" meme lol.
Jacqueline gets to kick down doors, once again. Idk why she slams doors open so much? She just does lol
"...It's perfect," Jack said. "It's everything I've ever wanted." I tilted my head. There had been something about the way he said that that made me think that he did not believe that anymore"
I'M LIKE, DROPPING HINTS NOW AT JACK'S ENDGAME FOR FROSTMAS (since we already know Jacqueline's)
AND JACQUIE IS PICKING THEM UP!
I wanted to avoid "servant" related words, but B-Man is way more blunt than I am and we thank him for it tbh
"Really? Cause this is me, walking away."
SO THIS RAW ASS LINE WAS GIVEN TO US BY @shittyelfwriter YET AGAIN! WOMAN'S A GENIUS! We were chatting about BMan's exit and she sent a snippet with that line and I went "Ou. Yeah. That's GOOD" and did a bit of "do it different so they can't tell it's copied"
but credit is given where credit is due lmao! Ana's mind is like, BIG BRAIN when it comes to writing and connecting dots n shit :)
and there we have it! Frostmas BTS: Y9. Y10 coming to you SOON I hope! I'm clearing out my drafts. They're all just. Frostmas BTS and wips that have yet to see the light of day :3
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corruptedsilence · 2 years
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Anonymous asked: Could you explain The Vampair series to me? What is it? A show or a set of music videos trying to tell a story? Is there a story? Also, since she doesn't have one, what voice do you give to Missi when writing her?
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Alright anon, I finally got to answering this cuz I finally remembered to do so.
Kay, so we got to get a few things straight right off the bat (vampire puns lol)
Vampair Playlist
Threnody Playlist
1. Vampair is not owned by Voltair, it has no relation to him, nor is he affiliated, he does not do anything for the series and frankly barely acknowledges it’s existence lmao. Do not assume this is his series. Holy shit I’m sorry for coming off as agro at the start but this is not his series I cannot tell you how much it pisses me off to see people crediting Voltair for Vampair’s creation, throwing the actual creator under the bus when he thinks animation isn’t worth his time, Duke sure might have been inspired partially by him but that’s it, that’s all there is. They share a voice and that’s where it ends. It’s why in EVery single vampair video it says “FAN ANIMATED” because its not made by him. I’m sorry to go off at the start but please for the love of fuck Daria gets NOTHING from her videos, it’s all copyrighted music and goes to voltair (which is why she relies a lot on the commissions and patreon, please check it out) who doesnt have anything to do with production, funding, or anything but i could go on a whole rant about that later. Basically:
Vampair was thought of, created, animated, and fully belongs to Daria Cohen now that that’s out of the way
2. Vampair works in a hand-in-hand way with a second series. Threnody is a story made by Missmi, Mina Rose on Youtube. The series, while feature different characters, take place within the same universe and MUCH of the lore from Vampair comes from Threnody with only some minor differences here and there as every creator has a right to have. To fully understand Vampair/Threnody world I would watch BOTH series because major plot points and explanations for questions might easily be answered in Threnody so please, DO NOT IGNORE IT JUST CUZ IT’S NOT FULLY ANIMATED LIKE VAMPAIR. Yall are literally missing out on so fucking much by ignoring Threnody not to mention so many characters from Threnody are really great and Mina also puts a lot of work into her series as well.
3. Vampair is more than one episode. I know most people have seen “The Night” but GUYS, THERE’S A SECOND SEASON. IT DIDN’T JUST STOP AFTER THAT ONE EPISODE LIKE COME ON. SO MANY PPL TELL ME THEY JUST STOPPED WATCHING AFTER EPISODE 3 AND IM JUST SCREAM
So for the rest to actually answer your questions I’m going to put under a read-more since I’m going to go on for a while.
Could you explain The Vampair series to me? What is it? A show or a set of music videos trying to tell a story?
The Vampair Series is an independantly animated series made by Daria Cohen and her small group of cleanup artists and background artists. It is a Music Video Series where it tells a story through a musical aspect, animating to songs to tell it’s story.
I wouldn’t say “trying to tell a story” because it does tell a story. Saying “try to tell” feels almost insulting? As if music-video based chapters and series aren’t legitimet ways of storytelling which is rude as you wouldn’t nessessarily say that to a song writer who writes stories in their song. Would yo usay “they’re trying to tell a story” or that “they’re telling a story”? IDK semantics, just feels like “trying” implies it is failing in some way which i dont think it is a tall.
Is there a story?
The Vampair series, as of now, follows the story of Duke (no known last name) and Melissa Dumarias (no they aren’t related)
Duke, who appears to be in his 20s-30s is a vampire who at the start of the series had in his possession The Anger Cane, a powerful artifact that the ruler of vampires wields. It bestows the one who holds it with a power to make deals with the entity living within it, granting them immeasurable power while enhancing their own special unique talents. Duke, at the start of the series, was heading off to do something as he normally would when Melissa Dumarias decides to enter his castle.
Entering the home (presumably) to read her book and escape from her home (speculation) she meets Duke who decides to derail his previous obligation to mess with Melissa. Melissa, fearing for her life, runs around the castle hopelessly trying to escape him as he toys with her. Duke, unbeknownst to Melissa, wasn’t going to actually harm her and let her go when he had enough. Though due to her fearing for her life, realizing he was a vampire, leads him on and seduces him to the point he lowers his guard and she can take the cane.
With the cane in hand she uses it as a psudo-bat to hit him into open sunlight and kill him. With him gone she obtains the power of the cane which turns her into a psudo-vampire. While still human under her skin, so long as she uses the power from the Cane she is vampire in all appearance (though I canon divert a bit).
As of now, Missi, in an act of revenge, resurrects Duke who had been living it up in the Underworld somehow becoming it’s ruler. Once he is back to Earth being mortal Missi tortures him in the same way he had done to her, ending with her kicking him out of his house she takes. By now she has also obtained a feline familiar named Minose.
Duke, back on earth with not much to do goes to the graveyard and meets a zombie prostitute and gets zombie STDs becoming a vampire-zombie hybrid. Along with that he meets Vanessa, Melissa’s (now known as Missi) sister. He tries to sleep with her, though due to the zombification his dick tears off (no im not joking this is canon) and he leaves Vanessa with the tip of his dick.
Meanwhile in the castle the same night, Missi has a complete mental breakdown seeing the cost of power having gotten to her. Breaking down and hallucinating various things in her surrounding she can barely tell reality from hallucination and she is driven to hallucinate herself ripping out her own veins in an attempt to rid herself of monsters she believes lives under her skin. This act causes her to throw away the cane, which without contact turns her back to being human and she almost chooses to leave. Until she sees Duke standing outside the castle yet again and her anger pushes her back to the cane. accepting it’s insanity and delusion for it’s power.
After some undisclosed time, Missi and Duke finally have a “final” showdown between them where they mostly just dance and sing, until Duke tries to poison Missi and she rejects it causing Duke to fly into a rage and hit her. Retaliation after retaliation it ends with Duke grabbing a silver-bladed axe and coming after Missi as she defends herself with the cane. They both exchange equal blows until Duke si able to successfully grab the cane from her hand and use it to stab out her left eye. In retaliation Missi grabs the silver axe and and cuts off his right thumb.
Aftermath of it, they agree to a sort of “truce” where both are still abusive and hurt one another physically (and emotionally) but they realize being together even in their twisted ways, is better than living alone.
Season 2 starts off showing us Duke at his mother’s funeral where his father barely looks at him and leaves as soon as he can without paying any mind to his mother’s death or the child leaving him to walk off into the woods alone.
season 2 episode 1 shows Duke and Missi getting along better, Duke’s past of being negleceted by his father growing up, being bullied and hurt to such an extent he ran away from home only to meet Artemis (from Threnody) who turned him into a vampire. Missi and Duke are shown getting along much more than before even if she is still drinking heavily, they haven’t resorted to beating each other nearly as much.
and that’s the story as of right now, congrats you’re all caught up :D
what voice do you give to Missi when writing her?
Honestly? I’m kinda wiht Daria on this one in that as for Vampire-Missi I don’t have a single voice I use
I more or less just use a variety of songs I associate with her that I feel could work well for her voice depending on what kind of “tone” she’s trying to put on. Her vampiric persona in my eyes is something she plays up on and as such she performs differently depending on the mood she wants to give.
As a default I kinda have the voice from “Hooked (Addicted you might say)” in my head
But also “My Alcoholic Friends” works well as well to me
For more happier tones, I think more of The Dismemberment Song singer. TBH I’ve thought about making an animatic to this of “if missi won the showdown” AU where she would just tear apart Duke and put him back together especially now as he’s a zombie she could have a lot of fun dismembering him and putting him back together and studying him
But also songs from Lily Allen work as well since Daria has used it before, especially in Smile
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dmclemblems · 1 year
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ajsdhgjkh yeah sorry shinon! he's good but i don't remember him ever being top for me, though i've probably done por 4 times and rd twice. i started using oscar because the nintendo power strategy guide said to plug the one bottleneck in the map on the chapter shinon and gatrie leave, because he's a brick wall. and they were right. he would never let me down etc etc. i think i gave him a custom forged lance called the BadGuyKiller. Kieran got the OscarBane, which was hot pink.
YEAHHHH SHISHI!!!
For some reason no matter how much I love other FE games, I always keep replaying the Tellius ones. I guess maybe in part it's because growing up I took to PoR a lot more? I started with FE7, but 7 and 8 weren't as strong for me and didn't keep me as interested. Also, I was kind of the shy nice girl growing up who stayed out of trouble, so I kind of grew up really admiring Ike. Even if I don't play either game for a year or two straight, I always come back to them and end up playing at least one of them once or twice through before taking a break again. Even though 4 is my favorite FE game, I guess between Tellius' gameplay, the characters and how I felt about those games growing up ends up pulling me back to them all the time.
NINTENDO POWER LITERALLY SAID USE OSCAR? Damn, I didn't give them enough credit. My sister subscribed to that magazine and I never read it. They're RIGHT though, I love plugging bottlenecks with him and Shinon. Chapter six is a pain in the ass but I rely on the two of them to cover the front, and in chapter eight I similarly have Oscar handle the front. Oscar dodges enough and he takes very low damage if he gets hit. My strategy was to keep a javelin equipped for most of chapter eight since a lot of the enemies used them as well, so he was always able to hit back and he took out the enemies in the front all by himself (which is pretty impressive at that point in the game considering how many enemies he'd be fighting by himself).
It's actually funny to me because he has no trouble at the front, but meanwhile Titania and Boyd are handling the right side of the map and kinda having trouble. Soren and Ike handle the left side (and eventually Ilyana if she even makes it down there in time to do much of anything lol), and I have Rhys run around healing as much as he can with Mia using her turns to shove him out of harm's way if he's in range of an enemy's distant attack when he's behind someone. Mia's too weak at that point for me to use her for anything else, so she's kinda just Rhys' support to keep him safe while he heals.
Agreed, Oscar never lets me down. IN FACT, IT'S ALMOST ALWAYS BOYD WHO LETS ME DOWN LMAO. Last run I did with a friend watching was fun because we were picking on Boyd lovingly. He was actually pretty damn for me in that run but whenever he screwed up we'd poke fun at him.
THAT'S SO FUNNY LOL. I love giving Oscar forged weapons. Actually, since they're so expensive if you want them to be really unique and not super close to an existing weapon that I don't make forged weapons that often at all. Generally Oscar is one of the few if not the only one in a playthrough who gets one. I always make it insanely OP, like, as OP as you literally make it lol. I make it green for him and give him all sorts of names for his weapons.
KIERAN GOT THE OSCARBANE AND IT WAS HOT PINK JUST LIEK HIS PERSONALITY. Kieran no you're supposed to fight the enemies, not your allies. SIR.
My friend in the playthrough I played with them watching tried to convince me not to use Oscar in chapter 28 and I firmly refused LOL. He basically handles the whole left side of the map by himself or has like, one other person with him helping out a little bit while Ike, Soren and Ranulf take the center and everyone else takes the right side.
Also this has nothing to do with Oscar but LISTEN. Have you ever put Vantage AND Adept on Ranulf? They behave differently in RD so it won't work the same, but in PoR Vantage always activates so your unit will always attack first if they're attacked by an enemy. Combine that with Adept and it's literally so broken because the sheer number of times I had Ranulf attack first and use Adept, attacking first twice and killing the enemy just for initiating combat was so bonkers it was like easy mode lmao.
It's kinda like when I discovered that putting Gamble on Shinon was stupid broken because he'd keep getting a 100 percent crit rate with a killer bow.
Oscar and Shinon are already broken and I somehow always seem to find ways to make them more broken. Then I got to add PoR Ranulf to that list... and honestly, once RD Ranulf gets Rend, he's basically as much of a monster as those two (especially if you're playing the endgame parts and you give him a Laguz Gem to be transformed for the entire battle LEL).
#nintendo power is a CHAMP for suggesting to use oscar The Correct Way (tm)#when I was younger and I first started playing PoR my sister convinced me that pre-promoted were ''bad''#when I grew up I was SO MAD LOL bc she was basing that on playing FE7/8#where generally pre-promoted units barring game soloer King Seth the Great weren't that great#(though I did use Saleh quite a bit... and to my recollection he wasn't bad)#and I literally SUFFERED trying to train Rolf bc of that. now I just train him enough to withstand that Blizzard#in chapter 18 in case he gets hit by it when I'm going down the corridor to reach Shinon#and basically once I get him back Rolf is benched for the rest of or most of the rest of the game hfkjsagjsg#BUT KNOWING THE SHINON I KNOW NOW I'M SO MAD SHE CONVINCED ME NOT TO USE HIM FKJSHJHFG#I can't remember what playthrough I finally started using him or why at this point#but I wouldn't be surprised if it had to do with me wanting to try out using a unit for a character I enjoyed#bc it always sucks when you can't/don't use characters you like#KINDA LIKE WHY I USUALLY BRING TORMOD TO THE TOWER OF GUIDANCE?#BC I'M RLY FUCKIN' MAD THAT HE'S HARDLY IN THE GAME AT ALL AND I NEED TO MAKE UP FOR LOST TIME???#I angrily get Tormod to tier 3 level 20 at all cost bc RD did him so dirty with screentime#OH AND ALSO Geoffrey was another pre-promote I didn't use because of my sister LOL#nowadays I tend not to use him and Haar bc they join so late into the game and by then#most of my roster is pretty figured out while still making room for Ranulf prior to him and Haar joining#I use Geoffrey as much as I can in RD though because I love Geoffrey#also like ofc Shinon is gonna be behind everyone else for a bit when you get him back bc he's the same level he left at#it's like playing Tales of Phantasia and benching Chester permanently just bc he rejoins you at the same level you left him at fjksghjgsg#now I just like to meme about Shinon killing everything and how the AI actually works when it comes to Provoke#DCE Ask
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medievalraven · 3 years
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don’t give it a hand, offer it a soul chapter three
“So I was thinking,” [Beth] starts cautiously, her eyes briefly moving over his shoulder to where he knows Mick is standing, watching them, “maybe it would be a good idea for you to throw out the first pitch too.”
Rio hums, and in the light, still so close to her all he can see is the mark he left on her neck, the blemish on her pale skin that meant she was his for a second.  
“Well he’s got lots of experience strikin’ out,'' Mick says behind him.  “Don’t ya slugger?”
In which an election looms large and lines are crossed
read more here on ao3
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randombtsprincessa · 3 years
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Bewitched Fools || 01
All Rights Reserved. © RandomBTSPrincessa, Tulips98.
Author: Randombtsprincessa
Characters: Kim Namjoon x Reader
Words: 3.7k
Genre: Arranged Marriage AU! Pride & Prejudice AU! Angst, Smut, Fluff
Rating: Mature 
Summary: Kim Namjoon’s wedding proposal is a shock to you. Your acceptance is a shock to everyone else. You have no good opinions of him, and you’re sure he has none of you. So why did he marry you? Everyday spent into your new marriage reminds you that sometimes a person isn’t just their first impressions. 
Content Advisory (in-chap): Somewhat controlling and toxic parenting, neurotic mothers, sarcastic fathers (it’s a PnP AU, you get it), talk of arranged marriages, mentions of a secret scandal (just wait lol), and an actual wedding, wedding night but no smut! THERE IS NO SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER, Namjoon comes off mean,ok, yeah, he’s gonna be a bit douchey but yk, PnP!
Credits: Thank you to my baby @serooks​ for being my soundboard and a second pair of eyes for this whirlwind idea!!! Banner by yours truly!
A/N: Well, what can I say? I was reading PnP...again and I just thought, this is like during the seperation based passion of the Regency, right? What would happen if it was set in modern times with not such a far off relationship?) Really though, I’m going to be crying about this a lot till it ends! Hopefully my muses behave!
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Chapter 1: Wedding Bells
“And of course, we must have a word with the photographer, at the very latest by the day after tomorrow! I want to be sure he knows what is expected of his people. After all, this is not a simple wedding that he’s covering. I don’t know what slip-shod work is okay with the people these days, but I will not abide by anything other than perfection.”
“Quite so dear, I’m sure the photographer needs his directions drilled into him...Why else did we pay twenty five thousand for it?”
You dug your fork into the pasta on your plate, unable to help rolling your eyes at the way your mother squinted at your father - trying to discern if he was being sarcastic. He was, of course, there was little that your father dealt with with anything other than biting wit. Your mother was at the top of the list.
You wondered for the nth time about how they were still together - but you supposed the existence of you and your sister was enough to bind two of the most incompatible people in life.
Beside you, you felt your sister place her always gentle hand on your knee under the table; a light squeeze telling you she was there and she understood.
You gulped your food, shooting a smile at her, trying to convey that you understood her as well, if not on the same level. Your sister, Yongsun, had a degree of optimism about life that you could never have, and you didn’t even want to try.
You couldn’t deny that Yongsun’s optimism half stemmed from the fact that her life had been planned out for her ever since she was laid into her cradle at home. And with her gentle and calm disposition paired with your mother’s hyperactive energy, there was pretty much nothing she could do but roll with it. She had had to keep her happy-go-lucky persona up, never picking a fight against the fate that had been planned for her.
Your parents had tried that with you as well. And for a short while, you had gone with it with no complaints, in the steps of your perfect elder sister.
You schooled in one of the most exclusive boarding houses in the city, a scholarship was guaranteed by the tuitions thrown at you, and you attended university at the top name in the next city over - a different one from your sister’s of course. It was the way your parents had wanted it; to develop different social circles for their daughters.
That had been their one blunder in their designs for you.
Away from your sister, you had soon seen how strange your upbringing had been. You never called them out on it, still playing the perfect little girl at home but when you moved out finally, it was clear to your parents that your focus had shifted from what they wanted.
Yongsun, of course, had stayed on with your parents until they brought the perfect match for her.
She had accepted and was soon engaged at a lavish party, happy and entranced with her new fiancé while you worked hard to keep the smear of your own scandal away from the now married pair.
Kim Seokjin; and you spoke in complete honesty; was the best thing to happen to Yongsun. He was a bright businessman, and he offered Yongsun a safe haven away from the dramas of your family. You’d forever be grateful to him for that.
Of course, Yongsun wanted the same for you. She wanted to see you in the arms of a secure and stable man, who would mend the pieces of you that still remained broken. But most of all, she wanted you taken away from your parents as well, away from the suffocation they brought. Your little apartment wasn’t enough to keep your mother away and out after the ‘incident’.
Marriage was the only thing that would stop her from hovering over you now and you were sure Yongsun thought that was the reason why you had agreed to marry...him.
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Kim Namjoon…
The first time you had laid eyes on Kim Namjoon was at Yongsun’s engagement party. He had been dressed simple, way too simply - and you hadn’t even recognized him for who he was until you were introduced.
You weren’t shocked that Seokjin had invited Namjoon - after all, Seokjin’s business was an endeavor under Kim Namjoon’s banner. You were surprised that he showed up, in a plain black blazer that screamed quiet luxury. Apparently, they were very close friends...even distantly related.
All of that would’ve made Mr. Kim and you converse further, if not for the fact that Kim Namjoon was a complete and utter ass. He reeked of pride and a superiority complex to match your mothers’. He turned his nose at the guests, his gaze was just slightly disgusted and the thing that made you put him in the ‘DO NOT INTERACT’ list was the fact that he had witnessed your ‘incident.’
As sympathetic as your family had been towards you after finding out what happened, it never occurred to you to tell them about Namjoon’s behavior. You had expected them to be aware of it already, because they had hosted the damn party and should’ve paid attention.
Be that as it may, they were happy to maintain acquaintance with Kim's extended friends and family - and you were fine with it, as long as they kept you far away from the mingling.
But of course, they went ahead and announced you as an eligible bachelorette to their circle. It hadn’t even been a full week after the engagement party.
Yongsun liked to believe they just wanted to see their girls safe and secure. You politely declined. This was the 21st century for god’s sake, you didn’t need marriage to be safe and secure.
No, you were quite privy to your family’s true desire under the guise of getting you married. It was a way of asserting themselves yet again, and also to make sure you didn’t pull the stunt as you had...which had resulted into the hushed up scandal at Yongsun’s party.
So when Kim Namjoon’s proposal came, straight to you for that matter; you were both shocked and very, very intrigued.
However, no one was as shocked or surprised as your family when you actually accepted the proposal. You wished you could get a snapshot of your mother’s gaping mouth when you announced the proposal and the subsequent acceptance, which you had already emailed - yes, emailed - to him.
“But you...I thought you hated him?” Your father gathered his equanimity enough to ask.
You hadn’t managed to craft a good enough answer for that, except for a simple “Of course, I don’t.” Truth be told, despite resolving to never interact with the man, you didn’t actually know him enough to hate him.
And you were sure the same was true on his part.
Even as Yongsun hugged you tightly when you told her, and Jin walked around the kitchen island to shake your hands in congratulations over his wife’s shoulder, you wondered.
Why did he propose to you?
Yeah, you were supposedly an eligible single woman in the social circles of the city you lived in, but Namjoon was...well, he was Kim Namjoon. Surely you weren’t as eligible as to match for him, despite your mother’s expert lobbying?
You didn’t understand his reasons, especially when you’d always thought that he was dating Jin’s sister, Jinhyo.
But Yongsun was happy, Jin approved, and he would provide you some solace from your mother’s constant nagging and your poor father’s burden.
For that - just that - a breath of fresh air, you could ignore his reasons and marry him for yours.
Live and let live, right?
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You held true to your resolution of ‘ignorance was bliss’ right to your wedding day.
In the lavish resort that Namjoon and you and your parents paid for, you stood in the bridal suite, on a raised platform as your mother and sister fussed over your hem with the seamstress.
“I’m just saying, it shouldn’t look like she’s drowning in fabric.” Your mother was sighing away at the end ruffles on the dress.
“Mother please,” You sighed, ignoring the glare she sent your way.
As far as you were concerned, the dress was heavenly. It was the right blend of traditional and unconventional that you had wanted to incorporate.
While Yongsun’s wedding dress had been the purest of white to signify her angelic being, yours was powder blue.
With heavy and stiff folds falling to the floor in a fantastic skirt, the torso rose up sheer from the ruffles, embellished with roses of sapphire thread and rhinestones. It was magnificent and you had dropped a pretty penny on it - it was your something new and blue combined.
If you had to be tied down to someone you didn’t even know, you’d rather look good doing it.
In your pretty dress, with a bouquet of simple white roses clutched in your hand, you told yourself again to ignore the reasons so obscure to you. You had your own reasons that Namjoon was probably not concerned by and that was what you were gearing for in this marriage.
Something nagged at you at the thought, though.
You were by no means a petty person, and while your aversion to your soon-to-be husband was mostly due to your embarrassment and his own behaviour, you could at least try to be friends.
You wondered how he would want this marriage to be.
Did he want to be friends? Or did he want complete solitude from you? Were you to be strangers, existing in their own bubbles, with the marriage as just a cushion to block any potential falls?
At a point of time, you’d have been loath to ask yourself such questions, but times change and so do people. You were well aware of the fact that you needed this; even if you were treating it as a distraction.
Realizing that you were thinking way too much of the exact things you’d sworn not to, you pulled your mind towards the beautiful venue and the people who had come to see you be wed.
The place was Namjoon’s idea, somewhere not connected to his business as he had mentioned in his emails. Somewhere where he could show that he had spent money on his wedding, instead of just putting it up as a personal expense in his own ledgers.
You could respect that.
You heard your best friend scoffing in your mind. Jisoo was your college best friend, and had been the third party privy to your sudden engagement. She had understood your reasons, but she was intrigued by Namjoon - to put it plainly, suspicious of him.
She was somewhere down below, acting as your second pair of eyes. While you trusted your sister, you knew your mother all too well. Jisoo was to prevent any last minute changes that would surprise you.
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“Hey,”
You started, looking up from the vanity mirror to see the door to your suite open and reveal Kim Jiah.
Kim Jiah looked a lot like her brother, especially with the dimples and pouty lips. And she had none of the more revolting aspects of the Kim line. She was sweet, patient, tolerant, and well-spoken. She was quietly clever and had overtaken the slack her brother had left her with with perfect grace.
She was also your maid of honor.
She also liked you best - and that endeared her to you far more than any rewarding traits could ever hope to.
Jiah stood behind you in her silver mermaid dress, fingers busily fluffing up the veil to lie over your hair without any folds.
“My mother just called. She said she couldn’t make it but she sent her best wishes and gifts.”
There was an absent smile on her face, flickering when she caught your perusal in the mirror. You sighed, reaching for the ring on your finger - your engagement ring.
Rose gold, with your favorite flowers engraved into the metal and a large princess cut diamond nestling in the girdle. You won’t lie and say you didn’t love it. It was simple, but elegant and just that perfect bit out of the ordinary that you liked.
You had gazed at it in awe for a good many moments before Namjoon had reached for your hand, months ago - sliding it over your finger with little to no pomp.
You knew Jiah meant that her mother simply didn’t plan to attend and that any gifts from her name were actually coming from Jiah and Namjoon’s own pocket.
Reasons...reasons...they all have their own reasons…
You hadn’t wanted this for yourself…
It felt as if you were beginning to float somewhere just at the tip of your head, especially when your mother, sister and Jisoo came to help Jiah get you to the double doors.
Your father stood by, his keen eyes studying your slightly zoned out eyes before giving one of his patent resigned sighs, offering you his arm.
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The double doors opened to a white carpeted pathway, stretching till the other end of the room. Your vision was suddenly filled with white, creams, blues and the glint of glass and crystal. It was ethereal - an affair worthy of the Fae, or at the very least a Kim wedding.
And it was everything you had once envisioned for yourself - perhaps a bit toned down.
Yet it was everything that you were only getting at the cost of what you truly had wanted.
Love.
There would be none of that here, you realized, when you took the steps, your father’s arm tightening under your hand with each footfall.
There would only be awkward exchanges, and maybe, maybe a camaraderie that would allow you to at least laugh with the man you would be sharing your life with.
You realised this when you focused on Kim Namjoon - already at the altar, in a satin blue suit to match yours. His hands were joined to his front, and there was a mild smile on his face, one for the cameras.
It wasn’t for you, and there certainly wasn’t any joy in his eyes.
Why was he doing this?
To his side, you say your brother in law, Jin and while he gave you a bracing smile when your eyes met, you had seen the look he had had in his eyes at his own wedding.
Yongsun had been a vision, and though she was behind you now, her husband had clearly shown his emotions then.
When you were finally there, at the base of the altar and your father - was it you, or was he perhaps reluctant - handed Namjoon your hand, he only radiated quiet and cold.
You didn’t gaze at your fiancé too long, and he didn’t even keep his eyes on you for more than the second that it took him to make sure you looked fit to be standing next to him.
When the ceremony started, your conscience decided to ascend even further than your crown. You were out of your body, staring anguished at the handsome man whose face was mask like now that no cameras faced him (he had asked for the media to not be present for the actual ceremony). Beside him stood a woman who had the same mask on her face, waxy, beautiful with make up but the gulps of nervousness obvious in her throat.
Why were you doing this?
You were a robot, a pretty doll that smiled and spoke her vows, said ‘I do’ and received Namjoon’s emotionless and business-like peck with a similar energy to match it.
You were his doll now, his robot.
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And you demonstrated it well, especially during the first customary dance as husband and wife. He towered over you, the buttoned coat of his suit in your vision as you kept your head down. His hold on your hand and waist were barely noticeable and there was way too much distance between your bodies - considering you were now married.
You glanced up at him curiously, wondering if maybe his face spoke of something that you might analyse. Sadly, there was nothing.
He did look down at you, a swift glance that was cut off when he caught your eye. He looked back up and didn’t look at you again till the song ended.
You separated quickly, Namjoon dropping your hand when you reached the edge of the dancing floor. You steeled yourself to return the favor and not look at him for the rest of the evening but it was hard, especially when you had so many questions for him, and for yourself.
You wondered if you would ever get the answers to them.
And it was even harder, when after the father-daughter and mother-son dances - which he danced with his sister - Namjoon was found by Jin’s sister and your own cousin, Lilah.
You watched from the bridal bench, your face still emotionless as Jinhyo laughed and clutched at Namjoon’s shoulder - as Lilah poked at her new cousin-in-law without abandon.
You glanced at Jisoo, her eyes already on you. She waved her glass of wine but you shook your head quickly - you didn’t want to deal with another ‘incident’ at your own wedding.
You were soon going to be cutting off most of your family. This was one thing you could allow your mother. She wanted Lilah there despite what she’d done to you. You could stay mum for long enough to be done with this.
Besides, even if Namjoon had repeated your vows word for word, it didn’t bind him to them. Neither were you bound to yours, and you could care less about what he did with who.
All you wanted out of this was half the peace you had had before.
So you only reached for the wine glass that was next to you, your eyes catching your wedding ring - rose gold again. You could endure quiet disdain for them as long as they left you alone.
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It was 12:34 AM when you managed to stumble into the other suite. This one was the biggest suite the resort offered, the most expensive, the most luxurious. It was supposed to be your “wedding night suite” and you could feel the bile pooling in the back of your mouth when you’d caught Lilah grinning at the back of the party.
Jisoo and Yongsun had come up with you, but you had waved Jiah off. You knew what your best friend was going to say the first thing when you were alone and you did not want Jiah to hear about that.
“What a fucking bitch!”
“Good god, Jisoo, please,” Yongsun hushed immediately but you remained quiet, only managing a smile when Jisoo ignored Yongsun and clamped a hand on your shoulder.
“I can’t believe your mother pulled that. I can’t believe I missed it. I am so sorry, Y/N.”
You patted her hand. “It wasn’t your fault, Soo, really. I am not even mad, I won’t have to look at her face after this.”
Jisoo cast a look at Yongun who nodded before sighing in resignation. “Fine, but if she shows up at your home, I better find you kicking her ass.”
The three of you chuckled at that, even Yongsun joining in, for your sake.
But then, you were trudged into this room and now you were alone, the sound of their laughter nothing but a ghost.
You went exploring first thing.
The suite was enormous, the entrance leading into a comfortable living space. There was a walk-in closet at the side where you saw your suitcase already deposited. And there were two bedrooms.
It was a family suite, you realized, in confusion, turning to look at the closed doors of the two rooms.
Why would Kim Namjoon get a room with two bedrooms for a wedding night? Was Jiah going to be staying with you? No, that was impossible, she was booked with the wedding party.
So, why…
Lodging it under questions you would have to ask your new husband you walked into the bigger bedroom. You dragged off the wedding dress, smiling sadly at it before leaving it in the corner of the walk-in closet.
To your relief, Jisoo had snuck some of your own clothes into the suitcase that your mother had packed. Amid the disgustingly obnoxious lingerie, were your ratty koala pajamas.
You almost sobbed. You almost called Jisoo to tell her she was your fucking godsend.
But you refrained.
You fetched one of the champagne flutes from the minifridge and the bottle and poured the first brim while you switched on the TV and settled in to wait.
And wait…
And wait some more…
It was almost a full hour later when the door opened again, beeping the arrival of the second inhabitant.
You jumped where you sat, your eyes staring at the reruns of Tom & Jerry that you had been slowly laughing at while you sipped at the flute.
You were careful to not empty it, worried he might want some but it had warmed since then.
Namjoon’s suit jacket was off, the matching vest unbuttoned and the tie pulled loose. His hair was longer since Yongsun’s engagement party, you realized - now that your wits had returned to you. His bangs hung over his forehead as he kicked off his shoes, the ash blond shining with perspiration.
You switched off the TV, getting to your feet - hovering, in case he wanted something.
Did you dread his attention?
When Namjoon finally looked at you, those piercing dark eyes studying your cartoon printed night clothes impassively, you opened your mouth.
What were you going to say? Were you going to say ‘hi’? Were you going to pose one of your many questions first thing on your wedding night?
“Don’t worry. You don’t have to be bothered with catering to me tonight.”
Namjoon turned away from you, a swift glance towards the opened master bedroom door, making his feet lead towards the other bedroom.
He opened the door, shaking his hair with his hand and closed it behind himself.
You stared after him, at the shut door, eyes slightly wide.
Slowly, you sunk back down into the couch, your reflection in the now blackened TV screen.
Well, at least that answered one question.
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gazeopard · 2 years
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Thoughts on the upcoming Beastars Season 3
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Now that I know Beastars is returning for the final season, and I’ve known about it since first seeing Studio Orange post it on their Twitter, I hope the anime will make improvements to the Melon arc. I heard from some people that Season 3 will be split into two parts, much like AOT’s final season. My assumption is that Part One will be an adaptation, mostly, of the Dropout arc, then in the end (possibly a post-credits scene?) we’ll get the introduction to Melon. I don’t know how credible the rumors are, saying it’ll be in two parts, but I can’t see the Melon arc being resolved all in one season, unless there were 26 or 24 episodes.
If it does get a two-part season, we’ll probably get twelve episodes for both parts, though I hope the Melon arc will have more episodes, since there’s just so much that happens in it. Whether they keep the usual twelve episodes or not, I hope the Melon arc adaptation will vastly improve the issues the manga suffered. I hope they’ll replace everything filler that happened with scenes that move the plot and characters forward.
I hope the issue with Jack and the onions will be handled better, instead of “lol a big whale stopped the war”. I hope the ending with the black market being destroyed will be replaced with an anime-only idea to keep the market as a necessary evil (as Louis said to not avoid the market) while also keeping the trading of fish and seafood to the land, since some carnivores can eat fish while others can’t. Because for Yafya to refuse the offer to trade fish and seafood to the land-animals, and with the BAM destroyed, the manga ended without any proper resolution to appease the carnivores’ cravings for meat. Now, that means there will be MORE predation attacks in the city than ever before.
The manga ended without ANY resolution to ANYONE’s conflicts. Ugh...
I also really hope they’ll cut out everything with Kyuu. Or, if not cut her out, at least give her and San actual relevance. All she did was drag the manga further and everything she did only added nothing. Her relationship with Gouhin (which should have been father-daughterly, not romantic to me), the imaginary-chimeras, selling-out Legoshi, even her “good boy”/”okay” command in the final fight with Melon amounted to nothing. And Louis’s backstory was much stronger with him being the only survivor, meaning all his friends got eaten and he was left with survivor’s guilt. The inclusion of Kyuu and San (who was even more pointless, as he only appeared in two chapters and never again) always just felt like a retcon to Louis’s tragic past to me.
I hope they’ll fix the ending, where Louis and Haru actually do some stuff in the final battle (similar to how I thought the manga would end). I’d have personally thought it would be more poetic if the final fight ended with the Shishigumi mansion going down in flames in the chaos after Legoshi confronted Melon with Haru and Louis, similar to how the first arc ended with Legoshi breaking into the same mansion. Unless that would have been too repetitive...? I dunno, but I also hope they’ll not backtrack on Louis’ arc and at least have him attempt to get together with Juno. Azuki was never really much of a character to me, and him getting together with Juno also seemed more like something he actually wanted, not what was forced upon him by a role in society. It always looked like it was building up to a relationship between the two.
Speaking of relationships, I also hope they’ll fix Legoshi and Haru’s relationship, since it ended up being pretty underdeveloped for the most part. Legoshi mostly ghosted Haru throughout most of the manga after the Meteor-Festival arc, and Haru become mostly a background character who only existed to be motivation for Legoshi. You’d think there’d be A LOT more scenes between them working out their flaws and the issues in their relationship in order for it to work, since they’re supposed to be THE main couple. We never saw Haru overcoming her seeking validation through sex, that one point where she tried to get herself eaten by Legoshi was never brought up again after the Meteor Festival arc, and we never saw her fully grow as her own person outside of the relationship, just as we never fully saw Legoshi get over his social-awkwardness and make efforts to keep in touch and be with her. By the time they FINALLY got together, the manga was finished. I remember feeling very confused by the end of the manga, thinking “Wait, NOW they’ve started dating? That’s it?”
Instead of Legoshi ghosting Haru after dropping out of school, getting a predation record, and having to hunt down Melon to get it removed (and after Haru saw Legoshi with Sebun that one time in the Dropout Arc), he should have been confronted by Haru about it, forcing him to explain everything to her. I also would have loved to have seen them actually discussing their future together and what the circumstances of having a hybrid-child would be like.
A lot of the time we spent with the pointlessness of Kyuu could have been spent developing Legoshi and Haru’s relationship, Louis and Juno’s relationship (since it looked like they was going to be the 2nd power-couple of the series), Melon’s motives and his gradual rise to power (similar to Louis’s, instead of him just starting a riot and everyone accepting him overnight), the Bloodbone Drug corporation in the market and the ivory trade’s relationships with Melon (since they got dropped after Legoshi beat up the thugs in the Dropout arc), more development with the other Shishigumi members, and the other bonds between the Drama Club and the 701 dogs.
And please, Studio Orange, PLEASE let either SOMEBODY take up the role of Beastars, because it's literally the title of the manga and what was the point of Yahya retiring to become a vigilante if that was what being a Beastar was already??
Also, I hope they’ll at least do something with the Melon and Haru stuff. It really looked like it was setting up Melon kidnapping her and recovering his sense of taste and feeling through the gradual emergence of his leopard-side. I also hope they’ll at least foreshadow his transformation. I would have been cool with it in the manga if there had been hints, like Melon noticing his strength was changing when he cut Dolph’s throat, or noticing more spots or his claws growing... Just... SOMETHING. XD
There’s probably other things I hope they’ll improve upon from the manga that I’ve missed, but these are the big main ones I hope they’ll make changes to.
Happy belated New Year and happy Tiger/Bill year! XD
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eartht137 · 3 years
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FOR THE BETTER pt II
Hey curvies, glad you liked the first part of my story yay. I now bestow upon you part 2. I went a bit out of the way with this chapter, but I hope you like it. The singing part is something I did in class once on a whim, it didn't work as good as I described in the story, I still had to submit my work LOL. Enjoy my little curvies MMMMWWWahHHH!
Dark Clark Kent x (Black)!Plus Size Reader SUMMARY: Mr. Kent said friends til the end of the week right? Think again. Y/n, still getting used to having Mr. Kent as a friend, is trying to be a bit more bold. She's trying to adjust to change and even though sometimes he may seem a bit pushy, she doesn't mind, its all friendship right? He'll back off after awhile right?
You walked in class, no paper in hand and you refused to meet Clarks disappointed gaze. You weren't the only one without a paper but you were really nervous about the presentation you had up your sleeve. You just hoped it made sense. "Alright, looks like we're getting speeches today. Who wants to go first? Hmm?" He said with his hands on his hips. No one volunteered. "Am I going to have to voluntell somebody?" he gave you "the look" over his glasses. Your heart pounded in your chest, but you shakily stood as first volunteer. "Alright Miss Y/l/n, lets hear it." You could hear disappointment dripping in his voice, but you wanted to do this. You took a deep breath, and started to sing. 'Hello darkness my old friend, I've come to talk with you again, because a vision softly creeping left its seed while I was sleeping, and the vision that was planted in my brain, still remains. Within the sound!!!!!!!!! Of silence.' you ended making everyone freeze and stare. "My voice is pretty much the best thing I like about me. I-I didn't think a paper could put in words what my voice could. Th-that's my speech." You said awkwardly sitting down. You'd never sang in front of anyone like that before, you hadn't even joined the choir, so singing in front of everyone was a huge step for you. Just as you'd finished processing what you'd done, the classroom erupted in cheers and applause. You were shaking at how many people liked what you'd done. You really began to shake when you saw Clark clapping for you too. "That's my wife!" One of your classmates yelled across the room smiling at you. "Alright, alright. Miss Y/l/n," Clark started. "That's Mrs. Bankston to you." the same classmate yelled out making everyone laugh. Your face heated up a bit. "Miss Y/l/n thank you for the speech. It'll suffice this time, next time I want a paper. Okay, Bankston, you're up next." "Aw Mr. Kent for reals? Like how am I supposed to follow up an act like that? Besides we're duo. Like ebony and ivory..." He serenaded holding his hand out toward you, making you giggle. "Mr. Bankston Miss Y/l/n has fantastic gpa in comparison, so seeing as your such a duo I would've expected a lot better." Clark shaded calmly, "So unless you want it to suffer any further, I suggest you cut the crap and give your speech." Clark said a bit irritated. The rest of class was filled with boring speeches from classmates who weren't even prepared to do their work. When class was dismissed, you tried easing out of the room without being noticed. "Uh, Miss Y/l/n, my office please?" He said looking over his glasses at you. You inwardly groaned and went back to his office. "So, what excuse do you have for not doing your paper?" "I honestly couldn't come up with the words to describe how it felt to use my voice. I tried I really did, but honestly, I really just couldn't find the words to describe what I like about me when-I just couldn't find the words." "Y/n, you do not give yourself enough credit. You're a very good writer and obviously an incredible singer. You can be whatever-" "Clark, do I look like a singer to you? No I don't, that's why I write, I know my words have more impact behind the scenes." You said with strength. You didn't have to be seen to be heard. "You can be whatever you want to be and you'll have my support every step of the way. That's what friends, real friends do." "Clark we are not still friends, we said til the end of the week." you shook your head at him with a smile. He smiled and stuffed his hands in his pocket. "Sorry, I'm not going away." "Figures." You laughed a bit. "What are you doing tonight? We could have a movie night." "Will Lois be there?" You asked excited. "I can ask her if you want me to." "I guess it'd be cool, but for like 30 minutes though." "Y/n no movie lasts 30 minutes. Nice try though." he laughed. "We'll be over at 8." "'Kay bye!" You said rushing out of his office off to your next class. That night at 8 on dot a knock came to your door, you answered expecting to see the couple standing there but was a bit shocked to
just see Clark. "Hey, Lois coming by later?" You asked, the last you wanted was to cause drama. "No she's following a lead on a story for the front page. She says she's sorry and she'll catch up next time." He said walking past with bags of groceries. "Oh, well let me help you." You said motioning at the bags in his hands. "I've got it, its pretty heavy." "I swear I honestly thought you'd be bringing a pizza." you chuckled. "Where's your table?" "Table?" You asked head tilted to the side. "Where you eat, the dining table?" he asked sitting the groceries on your counter. "Haha, you have a table for guests. I never have anyone over, so I just sit in front of the tv." you said pointing at your couch. He rolled his eyes at you and huffed. "Oh come on don't look at me crazy, I warned you that I was anti." "That's no excuse." he mumbled as he opened your refrigerator. "Y/n, you don't have any food in here." He fussed. "I do, its in the freezer and the pantry." you defended. "Two chimichangas, a pint of ice cream, Nutella, animal crackers, soda, and ramen. That's not food." He fussed even harder. "Okay dude chill, I'm a working grown college student. I don't eat here much anyway I eat at work, and Nutella is sustainable to my everyday existence." You said yanking the hazelnut spread away before he threw it away. He shook his head as he put the food away. "How long has it been since you've had a hot home cooked meal?" "Last week at your mom's." you shrugged. "I'm glad I brought real food to cook." he fussed on. "Clark, we could've just ordered pizza." you said starting to feel a bit bad for not adulting enough. "We could've, but I wanted to cook for you." He turned and looked at you pleading. "Please tell me you have pots and pans." "God Clark I'm hopeless not an idiot." You joked laughing obnoxiously making him roll his eyes at you. You showed him where everything was and he started cooking. You offered to help, be wanted to cook for you. You sat up the snacks an pulled up Netflix so you could choose a movie. He made his way over to you with a glass of wine. You took a sip and dramatically fell to the ground, pretending to die by poisoned wine. He got down on the floor with you and you looked at the height difference of his head by your feet and your head at the middle of his thighs and started laughing making him laugh like you'd never heard. After you both calmed down you laid there staring at the ceiling like there were stars hovering. "You really do have an amazing voice." Clark said cutting the peaceful silence. You couldn't help but smile. "Thanks....friend." You said nudging him in his thigh with your elbow. You both stayed silent until you gasped making him almost jump out of his skin. "What?" he said worried. "Can I sing at you and Lois' wedding?" You asked catching him off guard. "Oh come on, you love her, I can see it, " You said sitting up and smiling down at him. "and you both look so beautiful together." You stood tall and put your hands on your hips in "Superman" fashion. "Since I'm your friend I give her the golden stamp of, put a ring on it!" You said holding out your thumb. "Okay, I'm picking gonna pick the movie." You said marching to the couch. "That's not fair, I'm cooking I should get to pick the movie." He standing to check on his food. "We could've ordered pizza." You rebutted. "I'm your guest." he shot back with a shit eating grin. "Shit! Fine, you get to pick the movie." "Well I'll pick it after we eat." "Aww what? The tv's right there." You pointed. He looked over his glasses at you. "I don't even have a table." you argued. "You've got an argument for everything don't you?" He said chuckling. "You've got a coffee table, we'll make it work. Do you have a candle?" He said looking around before looking at you. You were there with your hands on your hips, looking at him like-'you know damn well.' He shook his head at your for the millionth time making you giggle a bit. He set the table and poured you another glass of wine. "You know this stuff gets better the more you
drink it." You said gulping the glass down and holding it out for more. "Mm-hmm." He agreed taking a sip of his own while pouring you more. You took a bite of you food, you immediately stood and clapped. "You were right, this is way better than pizza, although pizza is still good, this is amazing. "So what genre do you like most?" He asked. "Horror, I don't know why I watch it though, I always spook myself afterwards." "Okay so no horror." "No, wait please? I won't get scared tonight I promise. I mean unless you want to watch cartoons?" "We'll watch something scary." "Yaaaaay!!!!" you cheered and went to reach for the remote to your tv. "Ah, after we finish dinner and clean up." "Deal!" You said a bit excited. Once dinner was done and you'd both cleaned, even though you told him you'd do all the cleaning, he still helped. Afterwards you both sat and watched a scary movie that had you stress eating and jumping every two seconds. After that movie ended, Clark suggested another movie to help you not feel so spooked. You'd lost count of how many glasses of wine you'd had and you were feeling tipsy and tired. "Hey friend?" You hummed. "Hm?" "I fuckin hate to admit this, but I'm drunk. I'm glad we're friends. You better be glad too." you fussed at him. "I am glad," he laughed, "I really am." He said staring at you. "Good, cause you're the only person I can tolerate. Oh, and Lois....oh and that your mom, I really like your mom....oh and that cute guy from class." you giggled making Clark roll his eyes in disgust. "Y/n please." "What? He's cute, he's an idiot, that doesn't change that he's cute." You said looking at your phone. Your eyes grew big as you saw the time. "Dude its past midnight. Don't you need get home and rest for lecture?" He stared at you for a moment and you could tell he didn't want to go home, but you both knew he had to. "Yeah I'm sure I could use some rest." He said getting up to leave. You tried to get him to take the rest of the food he'd bought with him, but he refused. "Well thanks for dinner's meals and be safe. Do you need me to walk you out?" "Absolutely not, how about I see you off to bed?" "I look five to you? Don't even answer that." You sassed. He laughed and gave you a long hug, telling you how proud of you he was for using your voice and for letting him be your friend. You squirmed out of his arms pretending it was burning you. He ruffled your fro' and you gave him a playful nudge out the door. That night as you laid in bed trying to fall asleep, you kept thinking about Clark and no matter how hard you tried to shake it you couldn't help but fawn over him and how close you both had gotten so fast. 'Girl puh-lease, he's got Lois, she's beautiful and thin. He's happy with her and there's no way he'd even bat an eye at you like that. Don't even get it twisted.' you scolded yourself internally. You couldn't allow yourself to catch feelings for him that way because you knew you'd only end up with hurt feelings. You also didn't want to break up a happy relationship. 'How'd he know I needed groceries though?' you thought to yourself, 'Maybe just a hunch.' you dismissed. Soon with your mind going in 50 different directions, you were tired enough to fall asleep. "Goodnight little bird." Clark said as he watched you finally drift off to sleep. He wondered what thoughts plagued your brain that kept you awake. He hoped you'd thought of him. After making sure every inch of you apartment was safe inside and out he felt satisfied enough to go home and get a bit of rest. 'No harm in making sure she's safe' he thought as he finally took off. 'I'll always make sure she's safe.'
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satrangee-ray · 3 years
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Positivity drive! Name a few MCs apart from your own whom you love and relate to and why.
I got this ask from an anon so here ya go! ❤🥰🙌🥳
Hey, thank you so much for asking @adiehardfan. LOVING this ask going around, it truly spreads so much positivity.
First of all, shoutout to both of your own MCs– OH and LoA, though I kinda like your laws MC maybe a littul 🤏 bit more than your OH one 😂😂, but they're both stunningly talented women. Absolutely stan.
Coming to the rest, Dr. Claire Herondale by @perriewinklenerdie. The FIRST EVER MC in the fandom that I fell in love with. She'll forever be special.
Dr. Leah Garcia by @drethanramslay. I mean PLEASE! The face claim is Deepika, and she's one of my favourite actresses as well as people, so... you can't really blame me. Plus, Ethan calls Leah sunshine! SUNSHINE!!! That gave me the idea to call my crush sunshine and 👀 they haven't complained till date 😏.
@anonymousrookie 's Dr. Keegan Reed. LOVE HER. Just the way the writer writes her, and Keegan's whole "I'll get under your skin but I'll also be cute and profound" vibe resonates with me so much! Her actions just make sense.
@stygianflood 's Dr. Aparna Mukherjee. She's A FORCE. I feel like she's that kind of a person who can turn every single head and command the room as soon as steps in, with the sheer weight and grace of her presence. Respect to her.
Dr. Diana Ramirez by @gryffindordaughterofathena. You... you know eggzactly why I like your MC, other than the fact that the face claim is you. I won't even elaborate Diana owns a house in my heart.
Dr. Meera Bose by @headoverheelsforramsey. She's one of the cutest and most fun MCs I have encountered here, just can't get enough.
@monsoonblooms12 and her Dr. Pooja Sharma. I can't even‐ I get emotional every time I think about this pair cause I just adore the Pooja fanfics so much. Pure ✨feels✨.
Dr. Anj Valentine by @lawyerlies. She's so pretty, so bada**, and like... FORMER MISS WORLD??? Take my non-existent credit card.
@katkart122 's Dr. Christopher Kaneko. I read one fic yesterday. ONE. It was written in script form, and it was about the Dolores chapter... I WAS DED. Legit like I– Idk why I was so late to this, but I can't wait to read more. Also, it's a rainbow ship, so my poor herat 🥺🥺🥺.
Special mentions to @jamespotterthefirst @jerzwriter @genevievemd @irisofpurple I don't personally relate a lot to your MCs, though they're the most awesome people, but just the skill of your writing really makes it all so... *breaks into tears* powerful! Passionate! Emotional! *still sobbing* Love you all, you're my favourite writers.
I'm sure I still missed mentioning so many people, but all of you are very much appreciated. I'll probably keep on adding names as I remember lol. Good day <3.
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repo-net · 3 years
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What's one thing you would change about Nagisa, if any?
It's an extremely simple change that I genuinely don't understand how this opportunity wasn't taken advantage of. Nagisa's already my favorite character in the entire franchise by a mile, but this would've solidified him as just an undisputable and impossible to reach deity among the other Danganronpa characters.
Put him in Chapter 5 and have him play the same role as Kotoko. That's literally it.
Listen, I would've been fine if Nagisa died in Chapter 4 in his boss fight. It would've been a tragic but fitting end to his story and life - the boy who constantly saw the words of others as expectations and wanted to exceed them was crushed in one fiery disaster as he couldn't keep up with his own inhumane standards for himself.
But the thing is; Nagisa didn't die in his boss fight, it's shown in one of credit photos at the end of UDG where he's fighting off the Monokuma Kids with the other Warriors of Hope. So there was no need to just not use him in the final chapter when he was clearly still there?
Out of all the Warriors of Hope, objectively speaking, Nagisa is by far the most fitting one of them to take down Monaca. Not that Kotoko wasn't a bad pick, mind you. But everything Kotoko's dynamic and character has that makes her fitting for the final standoff against Monaca, is something Nagisa has and even more.
- Kotoko has a deep connection to Monaca, and has a lot of love and appreciation for her, although her love for Monaca is out of fear and desire to not be hurt. Nagisa's love for Monaca is all of that except he genuinely loves her, is personally attached to her and wants nothing more than Monaca's happiness and approval first and foremost.
- Kotoko gains some sort of redemption for a lot of the things she did prior to this moment due to realizing how twisted Monaca really is, but when you think about it, if Nagisa - the boy who's literally been crushing on this girl and knows what the right thing to do is but refuses to do it out of his fear of upsetting Monaca finally stands up for himself and takes her down, that would be a perfect close off to his arc and he'd have redeemed himself.
- Not to mention that Kotoko wouldn't even be in Chapter 5 had Jack not stepped in. Kotoko kind of fucking owes Nagisa a lot too for even telling her to stay back and not follow him as he helped Komaru and Toko escape; knowing that it would upset Monaca and he doesn't want Kotoko to be hated by Monaca. He's so selfless, man.
- It's also clear that Nagisa has always been questioning the Demon Hunting game from the start. He doesn't necessarily want to kill adults, and even regrets killing his parents and believes he still owes them affection and respect. He's more focused on creating a children's paradise for their safety, but Kotoko's been wanting demons dead and cute girls punished for a long, long time. Nagisa has always had more of a path to redemption than any other Warrior.
- To sum it all up, Nagisa's connection and crush to Monaca would've made him leaving her behind in those rocks much more satisfying since this is the same boy we just saw get sexually assaulted and mindbroken to attack Komaru and Toko when he tried to help them escape earlier. Now he's helped the duo end Monaca's game and plan - along with finally losing the strings that Monaca had around him as she played with him like a doll. Monaca never wanted what he wanted; a children's paradise where children can live peacefully, that's why he's been condoning and allowing the other Warriors to do their thing and kill adults. But when he finally leaves her behind in those rocks, he's finally free from her. Free from the game that's been making him feel guilty for so, so long.
Do not get me wrong, I think Kotoko being present in Chapter 5 is perfectly fine. She did her role well and played it nicely. But the cherry on top that really would've made Chapter 5 perfect was having Nagisa in it.
Hell, you don't even have to replace Kotoko in the final chapter, she can duo with Nagisa to put Monaca away and it'd work just as fine, if not better. Here's some reasoning.
- As I said earlier, Kotoko wouldn't even be present in Chapter 5 had Jack not saved her from her execution. Along with that, Komaru and Toko clearly wanted to help out Nagisa too as he did try to help them leave the town, but Haiji stopped them from doing so. And again, Kotoko owes Nagisa for stepping in to stop her from being questioned by Komaru and Toko, and stopping her from following Nagisa to help lead the two outside. He wanted to take full responsibility for anything that was about to happen to him, and Kotoko should make it up to him by helping him put Monaca down.
- Kotoko knows exactly what it's like to be taken advantage of and sexually assaulted (and more) like what happened with Nagisa; even witnessed it too and watched Monaca just break Nagisa's whole worldview. So she can definitely empathize with Nagisa on the fact that Monaca would take advantage of his feelings like that. I think the two could even have a nice little moment where Nagisa is still having a hard time convincing himself that Monaca really was as bad as she was, and Kotoko snaps him out of it and reminds her that she's the one at fault and Nagisa was just trying to create the children's paradise, and she also apologizes for letting herself get carried away hurting innocent girls and all that when Nagisa was focused on the real goal that they had. And that unifies the both of them to realize that Monaca is the real enemy here.
- I don't think I need to mention this, but these two are literally the only two other WoH that existed in this game. Seriously, if you're going to make them the only ones that matter, make them count, lmfao.
And that's my take on what could be changed about Nagisa's character. Putting him with Kotoko in Chapter 5 would've been a perfect story book ending to his character arc and it benefits everyone involved in it by throwing him in there. We also get more interactions with Nagisa, which is always a plus to me, lol.
Thanks for the question anon! Sorry if this got too long, I just really like talking about Nagisa after all.
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sheresh0y · 3 years
Text
Mar'eyce: Chapter Seven
Pairing: Din Djarin x fem!Mando OC Kaiyah Awaud
Word Count: 5.9k
Rating: M, 18+, no younglings. This is a mature fic.
Warnings: dead body mention, angst, we get a little too introspective and existential in this chapter, extensive talks of loss of parent and loss of spouse, hallucinations, swearing, minor character death, too much Mando'a, I realized too late that this accidentally turned into a slow burn oops lol.
Author’s Note: I'm going on an optimistic limb and saying that most updates from now on will be on either Sundays or Mondays. If anything changes I'll let you know, but for now I think this is best. No beta, extended note, translations, and lore at the end.
Summary: "Would they and could they follow each other to the ends of the galaxy?"
Read from the beginning: Mar'eyce Masterlist
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(gif credit to oraliaonettii on tenor)
Kaiyah had been in hyperspace for nearly a week straight. A tedious, awful, boring week. Dantooine was on the other side of the karking galaxy, at least from Arumorut. She was aptly reminded of why she never became a beroya in the first place. Too boring. The week, however, left more than enough time to think about the dead Kiffar she had in a duffel bag behind her.
The ship Kaiyah borrowed wasn’t much bigger than an X-wing, it could squeeze maybe three people in the entire thing and that was a big maybe. She never had to worry about getting her own ship, if she left Arumorut for anything it was day trips, supply runs, even when she was busting up the underworld the pilot used their ship.
So, Kaiyah was stuck with a rank duffel bag and suffocating guilt in a seven-by-three space for days. On the surface, the job worked. She sacked out for fifteen standard hours with no dreams after she got to hyperspace. The cloudy, foggy feeling was gone and she didn’t feel near as cranky or paranoid. It was nice to be in control of herself again.
Unfortunately, being back to herself meant consequences and questions. What was the Kiffar running from? Was it Harbinger? Why would Harbinger have anything to do with a non-Mandalorian on purpose? Kaiyah checked the body over after her nap, even did a scan with the handheld medical device Ro and Ba’buir insisted she carry just so she could check for trackers or chips that some slavers put in people. She couldn’t find anything. No tattoos marking them as property, no chips claiming stake. Who was this Kiffar? And just what were they wanted for?
As Kaiyah lowered onto the dock in Arumorut, she commed Harbinger. She wasn’t dragging a dead body through town just so he could look at it, if he came here, saw the Kiffar, and paid her at the docks it would be a lot easier to dump the bag into a ravine and only have to deal with this in her nightmares. Much to her non-existent disappointment part of Harbinger's entourage showed up instead, the man with blue and maroon armor strode up and looked in the bag, nodded, and tossed a pouch of credits at her.
“They had some death bed confessions, any chance I’ll have a target on my back?” Kaiyah asked as she fumbled the deceivingly large amount of money. The man turned his head to look at her, the helm he always wore shined glossy in the afternoon light. It didn’t gleam like Mando’s beskar, it was more like satin. Coated. It bumped and moved awkwardly against his body, not fluidly like it was a part of him.
The man shook his head at her, “It shouldn’t. Thank you for your service, ma’am.” Kaiyah watched as the man took the bag with him and when she couldn't see him anymore she turned to finish cleaning the ship. The way he threw money at her and called what she did a service felt like he was shooing off a particularly annoying handyman, paired with his tinny and staticky vocoder he sounded like the stormtroopers that always thanked her when she turned in a bullshit tip while she was a rebel.
It was degrading and insulting, nothing like when Mando thanked her. His voice was always warm and he always meant what he said. Kaiyah wished more people in the galaxy were like him.
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“Kaiyah Isabeth Awaud! Where have you been? Do you know how worried we all were?” Nejaa nearly screamed as they jumped from one of the seats in their granddaughter’s karyai.
Kaiyah cringed as she heard her middle name drop. It was only used in the worst situations, like this one, she supposed. Placing her helmet on the side table by the door, she strode through the rest of the house shucking her armor. “Dantooine. Harbinger had a job, I took it. It’s not a big deal,” Kaiyah shrugged as she set the pieces on her counter and pulled out cleaning supplies.
“It is a big deal, no one knew where you were-“
Kaiyah tuned out the tirade, she had heard enough of them. Accountability was important, they needed to know where people were in case there was an all-hands-on-deck emergency. Blah, blah. She knew. Wiping down the metal her thoughts turned back to the possible assassination.
Maybe the Kiffar was too close to something, knew something that someone (namely Harbinger, he was her only suspect at the time) deemed they shouldn’t. Kaiyah thought of the only thing no one in town knew about and interrupted her ba’buir, “What’s Harbinger clearing the forest for?”
Nejaa look affronted at being cut off and sputtered at the shift in conversation, “I don’t know. Nobody does, but I assume it’s for more training ground. It wouldn’t do any good to remodel Arumorut proper.”
Nodding, Kaiyah twisted it back and forth in her head, one on hand it wouldn’t. Move or demo all the houses and put them where? In the field, so you can move them back? On the other hand, it was Harbinger, he would do something so asinine. “Do you know where he hung out in the galaxy? He’s your nephew after all,” Kaiyah grunted as she scrubbed at a stain.
“Nathan didn’t say anything to me. Excited to see his youngest come home with a wife, all he could talk about was how he was beating me in the grandchildren department. How he’s claiming to have twenty I have no clue,” Nejaa swatted Kaiyah away and picked up a different solution, pouring it directly on the hal’cabur and letting it soak there. “Why?”
“The job I did for Harbinger, he said it was underworld and that there wasn’t a puck. I figured it was another hunter. Someone that no one wanted to admit they had a bounty on, you know? I don’t think it was. They weren’t a slave, I checked, but they said ‘at least he can’t get me now’,” Kaiyah picked at something on her nails. Avoiding her ba’buir’s eye line she finally whispered, “Did I just kill someone for Harbinger?”
“Fob or directions?”
“Fob.”
“Then probably not. Fobs come from Guild work, I think. If your that paranoid about it you should ask your beroya,” Nejaa jabbed. Turning to the stained chest plate, they wiped the stain off without effort and moved on to the vambraces, dismantling them before scrubbing between the buttons with a toothbrush.
“Mando isn’t my beroya,” Kaiyah muttered and walked into the kitchen as she felt the heat rise on her neck.
“Yet he’s the only one you respect enough to call ‘Mando’. He asked about you, you know. Wondered where you were and if we’d seen you around. Wasn’t very sly about it, honestly,” Nejaa opted to leave out the three in the morning spiral he sent them all into when he stormed nearly every Awaud house in search of her. It wasn’t their place to tell Kaiyah, even if they wanted to.
Not everyone agreed - when could Mandalorians agree on anything was the question - but Nejaa thought that love was a choice. A series of choices, choosing that person over and over even when it was hard. Loving someone didn’t mean that the couple would never struggle, it meant choosing and staying. Since Mandalorians married forever, it was important to Nejaa that even though the Ka'ra picked every Mandalorian's soulmate, they all got the choice to stay, even Nejaa.
They had never had a formal divorce from their partner, even when the two separated. It was surprisingly amicable, especially since Nejaa got to keep Kai. They both knew what was going to happen on Concord Dawn, they knew what Death Watch was planning. Nejaa couldn't stay somewhere just to die and their partner was tired of fighting.
In all, they thought that forcing two people together was never going to work because it wasn’t a choice at that point. The couple would just go through the motions until death or hatred and they wouldn’t want that for anyone.
Nejaa would never say anything, even if Kaiyah and Mando didn’t end up together like the Ka’ra thought they should be. The two had to make that choice together. Would they and could they follow each other to the ends of the galaxy?
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Kaiyah figured it was best to let everyone ream her at once. If Ba’buir was that upset about her disappearance, chances were everyone else was too. It was the first rule of Mando school: don’t go off on your own, you or someone else could die.
Tann would never admit to it but she thought that when Kaiyah was gone for a week and a half that her aunt died. Kaiyah let her get in a solid punch. Dagon guilt-tripped her about it all since he couldn’t throw a punch and his sister-in-law would never let him. Ro teased her about Mando some more, “Nearly busted my door down trying to find you. You would think he lost something important.”
Kai gave her the best-disappointed look he could muster under his circumstances. It felt like everything took more energy than it should, the only reason he mustered up the strength to get himself out of bed every morning was that Kaiyah would force him if he didn’t. Between the routine his daughter and buir set up he now puttered around his house, mostly in suspense of a surprise visit from one of them. He swore to the manda they traded days since the two of them never showed up on the same day.
To make her disappearance right, Kaiyah was pressured into multiple rounds of cu'bikad by Tann and her brothers. At the kitchen table and away from prying ears, Nejaa and Ro filled Kai in on what had happened, Dagon had already known due to being nosy and worried about his husband’s midnight activities. The Zabrak was under the impression that they should up the pressure, force them to be around each other until one of them finally gave in.
In Dagon’s mind, Mando had already let Kaiyah know he trusted her implicitly, children were guarded very carefully and not just anyone was allowed to handle them. In addition to that, the tribe he was a part of was very closed off, they were secretive about their families and tried their best to remain as impassive and unapproachable as possible. Dagon was able to crack some of their shells by charisma alone, but it begged the question: why would Mando leave his child with someone who wasn’t one of his people?
Nejaa and Ro immediately vetoed it. Nejaa for their personal reasons and Ro brought up the fact that if anyone had forced the two of them to date it would have ended in disaster. As Kai listened he decided he was on the side of leaving them be. He was proud of his daughter finding her soulmate (kind of, technically Mando was the only one who knew) and was excited for Kaiyah to start that part of her life but not at the expense of her resenting them. If the Ka’ra wanted them to be together, they would figure out.
As Kaiyah played with the kids she spiraled about her missions lately. Ryloth and now Dantooine had ended in disaster by her standards. She still hadn’t told her father about Cerna and at this point, she wasn’t sure she should. It had been six weeks. What if he hated her now?
The Awauds believed that no one truly died as a Mandalorian because people remembered them and Kai clung to that belief with Ilyah. When Dagon and Ro named one of their sons after her, using her old clan name as Ellis's birth name, the man sobbed openly. Talking about her made the tension leave his body and the rest of the Awauds tried their best to remember new things about her; favorite jokes, food, scents. Anything to keep Ilyah 'alive'.
So, to Kaiyah, it felt like it didn't matter if the old rebel captain was saying all those things. It was a moment of weakness that cost her mother part of her soul and no one could forgive that, especially not her father. Ilyah was half of Kai and that was proven when she took half of him with her.
It was a subject that was tiptoed around, no one had the vocabulary to talk about it. It was labeled as “the accident” or just plainly “well, you know”. On top of that was Kai’s behavior afterward. Was this something that happened to every Mandalorian or just those that were lost violently? Was Kai and Ilyah’s bond stronger somehow? There wasn’t a way to talk about the accident without talking about Ilyah so nothing was ever said and now Kaiyah didn’t know how to approach this new territory.
As the night started to wind down and the rest of the Awauds made their way home, Kai and Kaiyah were eventually the only ones left. Manda seemed to have made the decision for her and figuring it was now or never, Kaiyah sat next to her father at the table, on his right side like always. Kai perked up slightly, his kids still came to him for advice every once in a while. Mostly just talking things out and coming to their decisions on their own and he expected some exasperation at the family, maybe now that his daughter had a soulmate some advice that he could help with.
“I killed Cerna. On the Ryloth mission.”
That was not something he ever expected to hear. Cerna? Their old captain, Ilyah’s best friend, hells at one point they even made her Kaiyah and Ro’s godmother. That Cerna was on Ryloth? It made no sense. Cerna was New Republic and had no business being on the Outer Rim, he had been keeping tabs on her after the Awauds left the Rebellion.
Kai’s dark eyes bounced around his daughter’s face, looking for something- anything -to tell him that this wasn’t true. Maybe Kaiyah had just killed someone that looked like Cerna. That had to be it because if Cerna was gone then the only people who could remember Ilyah properly were the Awauds.
“She was the slaver. I tried, buir, I really did. She wouldn’t tell me it was a mistake or listen to me at all. She-she just started saying the worst things. About everyone. I-I don’t know what happened, I don’t know how she ended up there. All she said was that the New Republic was awful and that the kids were good slaves beca-because they’re Trandoshans. Told me your speeches were bullshit and buir was always meant,” Kaiyah swallowed ache in her chest. She could do this. She could look her father in the eye and tell him why she killed his friend.
Kaiyah continued, trying her best to blink back the tears that were threatening their arrival, “Buir was always meant to die.” She decided to change the wording at the last minute. No one needed to relive the worst moments of their life. Ilyah’s freighter being shot down by anti-air cannons was certainly Kai’s.
Her father never really emoted normally, Kaiyah knew that. It was a lot of blank stares, sometimes the family could use his body language as a cue, but more often than not it was just guessing. Now though, Kai looked like rage. His heavy brows were drawn down and in, jaw clenching so hard veins in his face bulged out. His eyes were hard and cold and a very different kind of empty at this moment. Like he had to wipe away the fact that his daughter was sitting across from him.
Taking a shaky breath in, the tears weighing down her eyelashes starting to escape as Kaiyah tried to apologize, “It’s no excuse. I know. I-I should have been better. I... Ni ceta, buir. Ni ceta.” She just kept repeating the apology, hoping that somehow Kai would understand. She knew what she did and it felt like she had personally killed her mom as she looked at her dad, unwavering in his seat. The disappointed anger was palpable.
Kai stared at his daughter, trying so hard not to cry under the weight of his stare. She wasn't successful, not by a long shot, but she was trying and it ripped Kai in two. He spent so much time in his head that people would think he had everything figured out by now. And sure, he used to be able to fib his way through it, act like he knew what to do, but could he pretend to forgive this?
There was one less piece of Ilyah in the galaxy now and it was Kaiyah’s fault. Could he ever look at his daughter again knowing this? No matter what Cerna said she was remembering his wife and that was better than no one remembering her at all. To Kai, it was a day too soon approaching now, that one day no one would know Ilyah and everything she did. Realization dawned on him that no one would ever know her, not as he did, and it broke his heart all over again. No one knew her anymore. No one knew tor'ika, not anymore.
When the silence went on for too long Kaiyah got the message. Her buir was upset and rightfully so. Kaiyah was just one more thing to add to his list of disappointments. Scrubbing her face in an attempt to get rid of the sticky feeling of the tears left behind, she stood, “For what it’s worth, buir, I meant it. Ni ceta.”
Kai didn't even hear the door as it closed, barely saw his daughter leave his house. Ilyah was always better at this parenting stuff. She was fun and supportive, going above and beyond for their children and their interests, and always knew what the right answer was, especially when it came to the creed. She was the one that instilled the sense of justice in their children, to Ilyah manda meant guardian. This larger-than-life sense of passion and duty. She only ever gave one speech in her life and it was to the kids right before their Verd'gotens.
"To be a Mandalorian means you have the knowledge and capabilities to do the right thing, no matter the cost. It is your responsibility when you swear this creed to do that. Do you understand? That everything we trained you to do is to not only take care of us and each other as aliit but those who need it. If you two decide to swear to manda that you are strong enough to do this you not only become warriors but stewards to this way of life. Champions to no one and protector of everyone. You don't do it for the recognition or the fear that comes with the mantle you will carry. You do it because you heard the call and are answering it."
Kai hadn't known until that moment what being The Way meant to Ilyah and the intensity that she felt for it. That it was important for her children not just to be good warriors or kind people, but honorable Mandalorians. He felt like he was at an impasse because technically, Kaiyah had done the right thing. Ilyah would have been proud of their daughter for doing everything she was supposed to. She not only protected her family, she defended children too. It was what the Mandalorian Ilyah raised would do. It was no different than when she mauled Harbinger.
But this right thing had the wrong consequences. There were so few people left to talk about Ilyah that it was a crime to wipe that out. It was a good thing that was bad. Again, Kai was left asking himself could a bad thing and the right decision exist?
Not the first time, he wished that he was on that stupid freighter. Ilyah wouldn’t have let any of this happen. She would have least said something, no, no. She would have said the right thing.
Kai ran his fingers through his hair, stressed for the first time in years. It wasn't a feeling he liked. The pit that writhed in his stomach like a snake nest, making him relive all of his worst decisions and dark thoughts. A tapping sound on the front room window had Kai jerking his head up. Was it Kaiyah? Did she come back? Could he show her that he wasn't mad, just so confused?
A black glove knocked on the window, a smile peeked out from the corner. Thin lips, sharp and wicked pulled in an all-knowing grin. Almond eyes crinkled in smugness looked right through the distraught man at the table.
Ilyah.
It couldn't be. Not now. Not after this many years. Kai grimaced to himself. He thought he was over this. He saw her so many times after her death, thinking that Ilyah hadn't truly died, it was just a nightmare, only to be plunged back into the real world where she had.
The figment of his imagination knocked again. Louder and clearer this time. Kai squeezed his eyes shut. Covered his ears.
No. No. No. Please, not now.
It was incessant. Sharper, repetitive. It wouldn't stop. He could feel it in his heart. Hear it in his blood. It was unending.
He had to get it to stop. How did he get it to stop? What did buir say? Face it down and show it it's not real? He could do that.
Ripping the front door open, Kai wildly turned on his porch. Ilyah was standing at the end of the street, helmetless but armored. Her pauldrons winged out from her shoulders making her look so much bigger than he knew she was. While she didn't enjoy being a 'feared warrior' she leaned into the stereotype. Said making her opponents shit their pants was the easiest way to win.
Ilyah gestured Kai closer, "Catch me if you can." She takes off running. Down the street and into the town center and Kai doesn't think twice about his decision. Their part of town is empty, everyone in their homes tucked away. No distractions. No trip-ups.
He nearly touches her, catching the top pauldron because grabbing the kama didn't count. Ilyah disappears. Reappears five feet away, diagonally.
Kai can’t stop. Not now. Not when he’s so close. He can hear her, he swears it. Ilyah laughs, a tinkling bell kind of sound, “You’ll have to be quicker than that, alor.” Closer to town now, Kai is forced to duck in between people and vendors. He doesn’t hear the shouts, doesn’t see the shock. He can smell her, the lotion she uses is minty and medicinal. Twisting into an alley, he trips over himself in his haste. He can’t lose her. Not again.
Kai stops. He’s lost in the alley, an alley he doesn’t recognize. He turns.
To his right, like he’s clearing a blind spot.
One hundred and eighty, he’s watching his six.
To his left, nothing.
Facing three hundred and sixty, he catches a glimpse of her kama, now Kaiyah’s, fluttering behind a crate.
He takes off in a sprint again, his chest is tight, pulling in ways he didn’t know it could anymore. Kai passes through a haze of jogan pie and gags. Ilyah couldn’t stand the fruit, would claim she was allergic just to get away from it.
He’s in the town square, he thinks. He doesn’t know how he got there, it’s loud. So loud. He can’t hear her anymore. He doesn’t see her anymore. Her lotion has faded into the background and he's spinning trying to find it again. It’s the damn jogan fruit. It upset her. It made her leave.
Kai collides with something, heavy and metallic. The blank T-Visor of an unpainted beskar helmet cocks to the side like an interested owl.
He sees her, over the Mandalorian’s shoulder.
Ilyah.
He found her.
Finally.
She’s pointing at the Mandalorian, mouth carved in a wicked gleam.
He understands.
Kai clasped his hand around the man’s shoulder like he used to do when Ro was small, “You’ll be okay. It will all be how it’s supposed to.”
Brushing by the man, Kai followed his wife home.
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Finding Mando was a lot harder than Kaiyah originally anticipated. Usually, she could just find him at home or if she was lucky around town somewhere. This morning, it appeared, luck was not on her side. Not that it ever really had been, Kaiyah thought to herself bitterly. Luck wasn’t for her, even if her armor donned the color. The purple accents were mostly a bitter commentary on the fact that more often than not she just… got lucky.
Kaiyah got lucky when she didn’t die in the explosion that killed her mother, she got lucky with the jobs she took, not every Mando’ade was able to do what she did, most taking on jobs to feed their clan the best they could. Living amongst other Mandalorians, even. Knowing she had a home in a galaxy where most people didn’t. Her entire life she had scraped by on the fact that she had gotten lucky. It seemed though that that luck had finally run out.
It was stupid to tell Kai-buir what had happened on Ryloth and it had been so long that now it looked like she had been actively trying to hide it. The luck that webbed Kaiyah’s life together like spider silk had been swiped through when she opened her big, fat mouth over the situation.
Of course, your luck doesn’t extend that far, di’kut. You wanna test fate you jump off a building, not ruin what’s left of your father’s half-life.
Kaiyah was new to guilt, she hadn’t dealt with a lot of it over the years. The things she did were things that she needed to do to survive. To protect. To serve. She could squint and turn her head at a lot of the Maker-awful things she had done and say it was for the greater good. Live her life with the knowledge she had done the right things and not war crimes.
She thought that maybe, possibly, hopefully, she could mirror her buir. See how to navigate this sticky tar-like feeling that was pulling her down and have some kind of help. Confide things to her father again, like the family they used to be. Kaiyah should have started with Harbinger. That’s why she was looking for Mando after all.
The nagging thought hadn’t left her, even after talking to Ba'buir, that maybe Harbinger had taken a bounty out on someone and she had unknowingly committed an assassination. It wasn’t like that would be her first one, not by long shot, but her cousin could have just asked instead of this wild goose chase.
Wandering up and down Arumorut, stewing in her head, Kaiyah kept an eye out for the beskar wall of a man. Mando was a rare breed, the focal point of any room when he wanted to be, or a wisp of blaster smoke that quickly faded into the background. Kaiyah could be looking right at him and not know Mando was there until he wanted her to know. It had happened before and she desperately hoped he wasn’t trying to use against her again.
Tann had wanted to learn more about swordplay, hoping to pick up the skill that not only her ba’vodu used, but her Ba’buir Ilyah too. Of course, Ilyah could also use a blaster, where Kaiyah could not. They just never seemed to work for her, jamming the second she put her hand to one or smoking out of places they shouldn’t be.
Because Ro wasn’t as good a swordsman as his sister, he volunteered her for the training, which hadn’t been a problem until Kaiyah had gone to pick up Tann from school. Arumorut education was different from the rest of the galaxy, every parent volunteered time to teach something to the children that wasn’t Mandalorian related since that training was handled by the parents. Unaware that Mando had been teaching that day - she hadn’t seen him in the schoolyard where children were being picked up or inside the classroom when she had peeked in impatiently - Kaiyah let her niece run her mouth a little too loudly and a little too long.
“Look! Look, Kaiyah! Your boyfriend brought paper today, can you believe it? I didn’t know paper still existed,” Tann gushed over the project, holding it just out of her aunt’s hands for the sake of its integrity.
“He’s not my boyfriend. Stop letting your Edalinare put worms in your ears,” Kaiyah rolled her eyes in a huff.
When her view finally got straightened out again, there Mando was. Leaning back on the door frame not ten feet away, fingers tucked in his belt loops and ankles crossed looking the perfect image of ease as his T-Visor was staring right at the two Awauds, he knew exactly what Tann was saying. Kaiyah swore he wasn’t there before, he hadn’t been there the entire time, she would have known. At least, she hoped she would have.
“Come on, he is too! Buir told-“
“Tann, I love you, please stop talking,” Kaiyah whisper-pleaded, her voice nearly an octave higher out of embarrassment as she pushed the pre-teen away from the schoolhouse.
Keeping that memory at the forefront of her mind, Kaiyah made sure to double-check every glance for the silver Mandalorian. She had almost made a complete circuit of the town, ending up by The Covert’s edge next to the docks when she found him, a bag slung over his broad shoulders and hands full of supplies with the cradle floating a step behind him.
“Mando! Wait up,” Kaiyah called out, jogging up next to him. He didn’t wait for her, in fact, Din nearly tore out of the town like a bat of hell.
“Long hunt?” she tried asking conversationally, waving to his things.
Din grunted, giving his best attempt at a nonanswer. This wasn’t supposed to happen, he planned to avoid her.
“You could always leave him here, I wouldn’t mind watching him again,” Kaiyah offered. Honestly, Vor’ika was probably the best baby she had taken care of in years. Slept through the night, ate well, whatever Mando was doing was working.
“That’s not necessary,” Din said, nearing running speed, hoping she would get the message. He did not want to have the conversation she wanted to have.
“Oh, okay. I just had a quick question for you-”
Din groaned. He was so close to getting out of here, away from this soulmate nonsense. Even Paz was drinking the crazy punch, asking Din if he should talk to Dagon about setting him up and finding that special someone. It was insane, truthfully. No matter how much the town tried to convince him otherwise, no matter how he might have felt about Kaiyah, his attitude remained the same. People weren’t puzzles, they were born complete, no need to force two people together because of a myth.
“Am I bothering you, Mando? Because you can just say so,” Kaiyah didn’t expect the insecurity that peeked through the question. She was a grown woman, a Mandalorian, men shouldn’t make her feel fragile.
Din cursed himself at the sound of her voice. He was being rude. Not only that, he was being rude to the only person in town that actively sought him out. Not the kid, him. Din. If it was a soulmate thing he would just deflect. He could do that, it's not like he would be coming back here anytime soon. Forcing himself to slow down, he answered her question, “No, you’re not. I apologize."
Going through all the ways she could kill a man as a pep talk, Kaiyah tried again. “I had a question about fobs, I got back from a job recently that didn’t have a puck but had a fob. Is that a Guild thing or an anyone thing?”
“More often than not it’s Guild work, but it depends. What was the job?” Based on her question, it felt like Kaiyah didn’t work in the Guild often so Din didn’t feel too bad about breaking any rules. It wasn’t like Karga was around to stop him.
“Assassination, I think. Harbinger wanted proof of death.”
Din hummed to himself. Anyone with a chain code could have a fob, pucks were mostly rap sheets with a last known to get you close enough to let the fob work. Running through all the other work he had done was hard, it mostly blurred together. The only job he had ever taken without a puck was the kid’s, even with Ran there were schematics and a plan.
“Did Harbinger tell you last known?”
“Dantooine, why?”
Now it made sense why she was gone so long. Dantooine was on the other side of the Outer Rim, it took her days to get there and back. “More likely than not he got the fob from the crime lord who wanted a message sent. Don’t worry about it,” trudging back up the foothill Din thought the conversation was over.
“The quarry just said something weird at the end. ‘Now he can’t get me’. If you’re right someone put the fear of The Maker into that Kiffar,” Kaiyah muttered as she trailed behind him.
“Crime bosses thrive on fear. Don’t think too much about it. That’s what Harbinger wants.”
“How do you know?” she asked.
“Because he seems like the type of jackass to do that sort of thing,” Din responded right back. The Crest was in sight, he could finally get back to what The Armorer quested him with and away from whatever was going on here.
Kaiyah looked up at the gunship, it was old. Old, old. Like, The Rebellion would have used this in the war kind of old. Watching as Mando walked up the ramp, she was struck with a sort of longing. There wasn’t anything here left for her. Harbinger was running town better than she ever had, her father didn’t want her around, Ba’buir Nejaa was fully retired, and Ro had a family to take care of, he didn’t need to babysit his sister until she got her life together. It was like all the ties and things she could think to stay here for didn’t exist anymore.
Mando had it good in Kaiyah’s eyes, a job that he couldn’t be ousted from, no ties to anyone but Vor’ika. He could just up and leave whenever he wanted and she wanted that too. Traveling wherever she wanted, making her own money, and taking care of people she wanted to, that sounded like the dream.
Feeling brave, Kaiyah shouted to Mando again, “Got room for one more?”
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It had been weeks of searching. Nobody could find him. It was like the old chieftain just disappeared. Ro had forced the search radius to its limits, there were only so many days a person could go without food. All of Arumorut poured out into the forest, every able-bodied individual combed through the forests, mapped out river flow, time seemed to stop in the settlement as they searched for Kai Awaud.
The last accounts of him have people stating he was feral, running through the streets until they lost sight of him.
A wake was held, a ceremonial pyre burning for the lost alor.
Kai wouldn’t say he’s lost now. Not anymore. He knows where he is.
Home.
Among the stars.
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Translations & Lore (in order of apperance):
Beroya: bounty hunter
Ba’buir: grandparent
Karyai: living room
Hal’cabur: chest plate
Alor: leader
Ka’ra: stars, myth of the council of kings that guide Mandalorians. In this AU they are also the people who decide soulmates.
Buir: parent
Manda: heaven, collective soul, and guardian.
Kai-buir: masc parents were usually three letters and then ‘buir’. Femme or single parents were usually just ‘buir’.
Cubikahd or cu'bikad: In canon, basically chess with knives. Sabine and Fenn Rau play it in Rebels, according to Wookiepedia it’s played on a hologram where two players gets four knife pieces on a cube board with the objective of capturing the other players pieces. In Legends and on the Mando’a website it’s played on a checkered board with up to four players and they use real knives. A mishmash of darts, chess, and ludo it’s seen as a rough game that non-Mandalorians should not play. I liked the Legend aspect better mostly because I feel like we have too much holochess in Star Wars and Mandalorians are the CEOs of Doing The Most.
Ni ceta: groveling apology, extremely rare.
Tor’ika: Little justice. Kai’s nickname for Ilyah since her armor was the color for it.
Aliit: family, clan
Mando’ade: children of Mandalore, Mandalorians.
Di’kut: idiot
Ba’vodu: Aunt/Uncle
Edalinare: Zabraki, family
Vor’ika: Little green
Extended Author's Note:
Kai and Ilyah hold a very special place in my heart, Ilyah was actually the mock up for Kaiyah before I decided that she would be too intense for someone like Din. I then made up Kai, someone to mellow her out just a little as two side OCs in this AU I really had no plans for. I was going to start from scratch and create a Mando that would fit better with our resident space dad, but I couldn't get away from these two. I ended up writing their entire story, from birth to falling in love to death before I even touched Mar'eyce. They were my first OCs ever, actually, and I'm sad to see them go. For now. I do intend on editing and posting their story after I'm finished here (if I ever get finished here. We'll see how S3 of Mando goes). I know that posting that end bit about Kai doesn't really make sense in the scheme of things for this fic and it was hard to flesh them out when they were both at the ends of their story but I felt that Kai and Ilyah deserved their own 'soft epilogue' and it fit right here.
Thank you for bearing with me,
Elle 🧡
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1kook · 3 years
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hope you don’t feel offended about what I have to say but the way you built nc, specially the characters, the way you write their dialogue, interactions, how they share anecdotes from years back and make it feel so raw, the attitude that you gave each one of them without being repetitive, their beliefs, their unique thoughts, behavior, how you explain their thoughts, their quirks and perks... all that makes me feel like I’m reading a whole ass book, like you literally have a whole editorial working beside you in each word you share, I find your imagination and way to portray words so beautiful and natural, so funny. You make me cry and laugh mi lungs out in just a chapter. I came past to the point where I don’t really can empathize with being y/n and I refer and think of her as just an oc, she’s sooooo amazingly well written that it’s not that you were too specific or something that makes me not feel like I’m her; it’s just that your level of writing and development just takes me to a whole new world where nc jungkook is not bts jungkook at all, it’s just his face, you created this man of every pussys dream that resembles but doesn’t the actual jungkook, when I think of nc jungkook I totally dissociate the jeon jungkook from nc jeon jungkook, they are not the same person, and i know that it’s the whole point of fan fiction but for example that doesn’t happen when I read bad boy jk or fuckboy jk or nerd jk, they make me feel off for some reason and I have to really push myself through it cuz is unnatural, fan fiction is about creating this scenario surrounding someone you idolize, but still nc has something that goes beyond that, I personally thinks it’s because of how you portrayed him so meticulously different but familiar, so in the back of my head when I see jk in the pic of nc, something just tells me that he’s an actor portraying nc jk lol, and you go beyond just surrounding our idol and writing about him, it almost feel like he was created for and it only exists in nc
i really feel like that went nowhere, I just wanted to tell you that you are so talented, you are the only writer that makes me feel this way, I feel like they are out of a franchise book characters, that they are known for everyone like Romeo and Juliet, like they are gonna get a movie adaptation. So thanks for sharing a piece of your mind, I’m so grateful that I found you <3
oh my god, the way u said ‘please don't be offended’ in the beginning I thought u were going to roast me or tell me u didn't like it 😭 had me SO SCARED TO READ THE REST LMAO, but im glad I did!!!! reading your message just made me feel so stupidly happy and proud about the stories I write (especially nc) and my writing abilities and techniques in general!! ive mentioned this many times, but i don't aspire to be a novelist or have writing be a part of my career, so I know im not the best in certain areas/have rlly amateurish skills and have a lot of room to improve lol, but to read that you think my characters are well developed enough to be considered characters on their own.... like they’re part of a franchise.... made my ego so big fjanfjkaes THANK YOU!!! this ask really made me feel proud of my ability to create characters. since all I write are xreader stories and in these types of stories the physical image of the reader is ambiguous/meant to be blank, I really try my best to make the focus of the ‘reader’ character be their personalities, and im really honored you think ive done a good job of that!!!
I've had a few other ppl tell me before that they don't associate nc jk with the real jk and like its always made sense, bc when I write jk in fan fic im technically just using his LIKENESS and appearance and attributing it to a character that's otherwise my own, but when u said it feels like he’s more of an actor 😭 made me laugh a little lol, all I can imagine is the acting credits in movies ‘JEON JUNGKOOK starring as JEON JUNGKOOK’ rjagkjehb
thank you for taking the time to send me such a thoughtful and heartfelt ask, it really made my day!!!! this ask just made me feel so grateful and happy with the community ive been able to foster on this blog through writing all over again <3333
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riversofmars · 3 years
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Oops forgot to post this on here last night when I updated lol. Hope you’re all happy with my choice of villain. And for those who don't know the Eleven/the Thirteen yet, you'll get to know them alongside the Paternoster gang as they're totally clueless themselves lol. So real hope you enjoy this next chapter, let's see where everyone is off to!
Chapter 8: Where We Started
Glasgow, 2021
Jack returned in no time at all, at least from the perspective of the team at Torchwood Two.
“You better be grateful, this took me all night and I’m starving!“ Jack announced after materialising in the centre of the room. He was crouching in between two dead bodies, holding on to a wrist each to pull them with him through the time vortex.
“Food is still warm.“ Mickey retorted and gave Jack a hand lifting the two men onto gurneys.
“What’s so significant about them?“ Ryan asked, stepping closer. There was no obvious cause of death. Both men were young, 20s, 30s maybe and looked healthy. There was no blood, no bullet holes…
“How did they die?“ Graham asked, noticing the same thing. “Who killed them?“
“We’re not quite sure on the who yet.“ One of the Osgoods answered, steppinganswered stepping up to the body on her right. She pulled a scanner from her lab coat pocket and ran it over the dead man’s chest.
“And not sure about theon the killing either.“ The other Osgood agreed as she stepped up to the other corps, mirroring her twin’s actions with a scanner of her own.
“Well, they are dead…“ Ryan couldn’t help but point out but by now he knew better than to judge a book by its cover.
“Yes, but we’re not entirely sure they meant to kill them…“ The second Osgood replied, frowning a little at the readings she was getting.
“What do you mean by that?“ Graham asked, looking around for answers. None of the others appeared surprised so he could only presume these were not the first two cases.
“These are not murders as such, we believe these are experiments gone wrong.“ Kate revealed and Ryan and Graham exchanged concerned glances.
“We’re just not sure to what end.“ Martha came to stand next to them.
“We’re not the first to notice.“ Kate carried on. It was time they filled them in properly. She had been worried about revealing too much back in Sheffield but they could talk freely now. “When dead bodies turn up, the police do tend to get involved.“
“That’s when people started disappearing from time, being erased.“ Jack concluded.
“For examining these murders?“ Ryan frowned, deeply concerned now.
“This is why we’re doing our best to keep off the radar.“ Gwen explained as they all gathered around now. “Someone is trying to cover this up and they’re using very advanced technology to do it. You can’t just erase people from time.“
“So far, whoever is behind this has not noticed our investigation.“ Kate stated, which wasn’t to say that they wouldn’t be found out eventually.  
“Or at least they have not found a way to erase us yet.“ Jack interjected, more grimly.
“Like I said previously, people who have had dealings with the Doctor, particularly those who have travelled with them, seem to be less affected.“ Kate continued to explain and one of the Osgoods added:
“By travelling in time, you become a temporal anomaly, a complex space time event. Much harder to erase than someone who has only existed in one time period.“
“I guess that makes sense…“ It didn’t make an awful lot of sense to Ryan but he chose to just accept it.
“Either way, we have to tread carefully. Someone is using humanity as guinea pigs.“ Kate crossed her arms in front of her chest.
“And we need to find out why.“ Jack nodded. “Now that we have two bodies, we might be able to do just that. And once we know what they want, we will stop them.“ His voice was full of determination.
“I will need a while to analyse.“ The Osgoods gave apologetic smiles, indicating they would like to be left in peace to do their work now.
“You best get some rest. We will have a lot of work to do soon.“ Kate smiled at Ryan and Graham who could hardly refuse the request. It had been a very long night already.
——
In orbit around the Library, 52nd Century
Paternoster Gang
“So this Thirteen person, is it possible they’re the one that took the child as well?“ Yaz asked, leaning onto the control desk as they digested the news. “They are a Time Lord, we found Time Lord technology at your house.“
“It would be an extraordinary coincidence if it wasn’t.“ Vastra agreed, she was pacing the room. Even though they had no idea what their motivations were, they had to assume the same person was behind both kidnappings. She knew nothing of the dealings either the Doctor or Professor Song had had with this particular Time Lord but she decided it didn't matter for the time being. What mattered was that they found River and her son. With any luck they were being taken to the same place. They could ask questions later.
“We need to find a way of following them.“ Jenny concluded, watching her wife pace. As much as they had hoped for a conversation with the Professor, for a chance to make their apologies and to promise to make amends, at least they had a trail to follow now.
“Did our sensors pick anything up on our approach? Any other ships in the vicinity? Someone heading away from the Library?“ Vastra asked, looking to Strax who started working the controls with military efficiency.
“We were too far out at the time. Nothing on long range sensors.“ Strax growled seemingly displeased with the efficiency of the scanners. “This wouldn’t have happened on a Sontaran warliner.“ He huffed.
“What about the Library? Do they not have any sensors or CCTV or something?“ Yaz asked as she thought back to her police training. If someone was kidnapped, looking for CCTV footage in the area would be the first step, surely.
“Excellent idea, Ms. Kahn!“ Vastra gave her a kind smile. “Mr. Maldovar, any suggestions as to how we might establish a more permanent link to the Library?“
“It’s a closed system, trying to keep out intruders, probably a defence mechanism…“ Dorium mused, putting his feelers out. What he lacked in physical mobility, he was making up for with technological know how.
“If not a video link, at least some means of data exchange?“ She gave him a kind smile. “I have every confidence in your abilities.“
“She means: see if you can hack the system.“ Jenny chuckled, recalling Dorium’s rather impressive work at Demon’s Run. It seemed as though all their expertise would be called upon at one point or another.
“I don’t suppose CAL would mind once she realises what you’re trying to do.“ Vastra carried on. “Perhaps if you started with a reassuring message for her. Would you maybe be able to get information about ships that approached or departed?“
“I shall certainly try.“ Dorium agreed, his tone gracious, but he hardly had to try at all. “Never mind, she’s ahead of us, she’s sending something across.“ Dorium looked up to the screen. “I believe we can extrapolate the course from this.“ A diagram appeared on screen, green dots outlining a route away from the planet.
“Bringing us around now.“ Strax announced as the computer worked out the course. “We shall hunt them down and shoot them out of the sky!“
“Not with Professor Song on board, we won’t.“ Vastra pointed out and Strax huffed displeased.
“Ready to jump into hyper speed.“ He grumbled in response.
“Hang on, CAL is sending some more data across.“ Dorium announced. “Just wait till… There we are, all done.“ He nodded and nearly fell out of his box doing so.
“What is it?“ Vastra asked as the ship jumped into faster-than-light travel and the stars blurred outside. They left the Library behind.  
“A file with everything the Library had to offer on the Thirteen and their previous incarnations, I’m sure that will make for exciting reading…“ Dorium almost sounded surprised.
“Clever girl!“ Jenny grinned.
“Perhaps we can learn who we are dealing with.“ Yaz felt a little better that they were all in the same boat. She wasn’t behind this time, they all had to start from scratch.
“Best to know your enemy.“ Strax grinned. “Give us the intel, head.“
——
The TARDIS
“Sorry, Doctor but I can’t take credit for that.“ The Master laughed at the look of surprise and disappointment on her face. She had hoped to get answers but there were none to be had.
“And you never will.“ It was a split second decision on the Doctor’s part as she pulled a gun from under the console.
She had always pretended she didn’t know where River had hidden her guns around the TARDIS but of course she did. She wasn’t quite sure why she had never stopped her doing it. Perhaps because she knew eventually, they would come in handy. River had borrowed the TARDIS plenty of times and if she ever got herself in a scrape, she didn’t want to leave her wife defenceless. While the TARDIS had redecorated since River had last been here, she had kept her guns where they belonged.
“Well, well, well Doctor.“ The Master smirked as she pointed the gun at him.
“Get out.“ She said.The weapon felt heavy and uncomfortable in her hand but that didn’t stop her. She couldn’t take the risk of the Master getting off Gallifrey. She had no way of knowing for sure whether he would be responsible for her son’s abduction in the future but she couldn’t take the risk. If it was the case, she would stop it here. She gestured to the door. “Now.“
“You’re not leaving me here.“ The Master laughed, shaking his head, he didn’t seem to be taking her seriously.
“Yes I am. You are not getting off this rock. You will never get the opportunity to hurt my family, ever.“ The Doctor retorted, her voice low and threatening.
“You won’t shoot me.“ The Master shrugged, taking a step closer, daring her to do just that.
“Yes I will.“ The Doctor snapped, taking proper aim.
“No you won’t. You didn’t last time and you won’t now, you’re weak.“ The spat, enjoying seeing her struggle with herself. Her kindness and reluctance to use force had always been her greatest weakness. “You think you can protect them when you can’t even find out who’s behind it all? You’re pathetic. Probably best if you don’t find your child, you’d be such a disappointment to them.“
A shot rang out and the Master staggered back. The Doctor was shocked herself but she tried her best to cover that moment of disbelief. She tightened the grip on the gun just in time for the Master to look up again.  
“Wow…“ He grinned, in a maniacal sort of way and pressed his hand to his arm. She had only grazed his shoulder. She was a terrible shot that lacked the strength of her convictions. Or at least she thought she did. Part of her couldn’t believe she had shot him at all and the other part couldn’t believe she had missed.
“The next one will be lethal.“ She threatened, squaring her jaw. She pointed to the door, hoping he would leave already and not put it to the test. In a way, leaving him on Gallifrey was just as bad as shooting him. Both were a death sentence, one just felt a lot easier than the other. Either way, she had to protect her family and if she was strong now, perhaps things would find a way of resolving themselves.
“No, it won’t.“ The Master laughed and before she could follow through on her threat, he darted forward. The Doctor felt the ground move under her feet but not because he knocked her over. He hadn’t gone for her, he had lunged for the controls.
“What have you done?“ The Doctor shouted and crashed against one of the crystalline arms in the control room. The gun was knocked from her hand and skidded off somewhere. The TARDIS was spinning, somersaulting, they were launching into the vortex.
“What have you done? You tried to kill me!“ The Master shot back and was knocked to the ground as well. The TARDIS was out of control.
“Oh because you’ve always been so restrained?!“ The Doctor snapped over the racket of them catapulting through the vortex, hitting energy fields, chronon clouds and any other kind of obstacle the vortex had to offer.
The Doctor pulled herself along the floor, towards the control panel. She had to stabilise them. Just for the moment, the Master was not her primary concern. She managed to grab hope of the console and pulled herself up, hitting the blue stabiliser button. The TARDIS stopped shaking, steadying itself and the Doctor let go a sigh of relief. She got to her feet properly and turned back to the Master who was clambering to his feet as well.
“That was really stupid and incredibly dangerous, we could have been torn apart.“ The Doctor snapped.
“I couldn’t let you leave me there. Better to be killed than return to that isolation.“ The Master huffed, slightly calmer than before. “Do you know what it was like, Doctor? Just you with your own thoughts? Not a living, breathing thing in sight?“ His tone was surprisingly genuine and there was a bitter edge to it.
“You’re not the only one who’s had a tough few decades.“ She retorted but was in no mood to fill him in on her prison sentence so she changed the subject quickly: “Can’t have been all that lonely, you told someone about the timeless child.“
“For the last time, Doctor, I didn’t tell anyone!“ He groaned in annoyance, tossing his arms in the air. He hissed as the movement sent a jolt of pain through his injured arm. “I killed everyone that could possibly have known.“
“Then it was you that told Dorium!“ The Doctor snapped.
“I already told you, I didn’t! When would I have done that?!“ The Master yelled.
“What then? Someone else just found out about the Timeless Child and happened to have taken an interest in my child?!“ The Doctor was trying to wrap her head around it. She only trusted the Master as far as she could throw them but she was beginning to doubt her previous assessment.
“Why would you think those two things are connected?“ The Master shook his head at her shortsightedness.
“What do you mean? Of course they’re connected!“ The Doctor shot back angrily.
“Because you have the word child in both sentences?“ He laughed, gesturing question marks into the air. “Come on, anyone could have taken your child with no other motive other than to get to you. And there are a lot of people who would love a way to get to you, not just me.“
“What do you mean by that?“ The Doctor frowned, taken aback. This was not something she had considered before.
“You have a lot of enemies, Doctor, have you never noticed? None as brilliant as me, obviously, but they’re out there.“ The Master chuckled, giving her a patronising look.
“Is that a hypothetical or do you actually know something?“ The Doctor pressed on. There had to be more there than he was letting on.
The Master shrugged.
“Because if you don’t and you claim to have nothing to do with it, I might as well take you back to Gallifrey.“ She stepped up to the console, intent on changing the course.
“Don’t.“ The Master grabbed her arm and pulled her away. “You know I have nothing to do with this and I don’t know where your child is.“
“You’re gonna have to give me more than that.“ The Doctor shook him off. “You know something… what did you do?“
“Alright… I may be guilty of a teensy little fibette…“ The Master smirked, clearly enjoying this. “Perhaps someone did hear about the timeless child… so maybe it is connected to the kidnapping of your child after all… though, I wonder how they would have found out about your son…“ He mused but was interrupted when the Doctor grabbed him by the collar of his coat.
“What did you do?“ She growled, fresh anger shooting through her.
“I just wanted to play… create a little chaos…“ The Master grinned.
“What did you do?“ She repeated pulling him closer.
“Every species has their black sheep don’t they… apart from you and me of course…“ He smirked.
“You didn’t…“ The Doctor’s eyes widened as she sensed where he was going with this. So close to him, she could almost see his memory of it in her own mind.
“What do you think would happen if you free all of Gallifrey’s bad boys and girls in one go? I couldn’t create all that destruction just by myself, could I.“ The expression in his eyes was nothing short of madness.
“And you think someone fled the planet before you destroyed everything?“ The Doctor carried on and he shrugged:
“Who knows, I didn’t keep count.“
——
Space, 52nd Century
“It’s not much… bits and pieces of his misadventures… this bit is interesting, it’s a footnote from the Book of the Revenants, you know the Doctor has her own volume.“ Dorium flicked through the data in his mind, keeping quiet for a moment as he focused.
“Yeah she’s mentioned that…“ Yaz couldn’t help but smile at the fond memory. What a carefree adventure that had been in comparison to what was happening now. She wondered how the Doctor was doing. She had no idea River had been taken as well… Perhaps they should try to contact her…
“As if their head wasn’t big enough…“ Vastra sighed. “What does it say?“
“It’s a brief description of their personalities, stops at twelve, sadly.“ Dorium revealed and he started to recite: “Originally a member of the High Council on Gallifrey, the One fell from grace and became one of Gallifrey’s most notorious criminals. Suffering from regenerative dissonance, the personalities of their regenerations remain within their consciousness. Following incarnations are known and distinguishable. The One: the archivist, often pedantic and knowledgeable on many Gallifreyan secrets.“
“So he could have known about the Timeless Child?“ Jenny jumped in, listening closely and her wife nodded in agreement. They had yet to find out what exactly that phrase was meant to mean. The Doctor hadn’t filled them in but somehow, that secret from Time Lord lore seemed to be at the centre of everything.
“Indeed…“ Vastra mumbled. “What else does it say?“
“Brief descriptions of the others, make them more distinguishable I suppose…“ Dorium continued: “The Two: The charmer, a charismatic liar and manipulator; and the Three: The Juvenile, childish and self-centred, prone to tantrums and violence.“
“Not unlike the Master then, makes sense you would confuse them.“ Yaz wondered if the Doctor just attracted a certain kind of mad man to face off against. Despite the seriousness of the situation, it was an amusing thought.
“The Four: The intellectual, a sophisticated and arrogant game-player. The Five: The joker, a funny, wise-cracking and confident trickster. The Six: The psychopath, extremely violent and unstable.“ Dorium carried on as the others listened intently.
“A man after my own heart.“ Strax grinned.
“The Seven: The scientist, clever and calculated with vast scientific knowledge.“ Dorium chose to ignore Strax’s comment and skipped to the next one.
“It sounds like he would have quite the arsenal of abilities at his disposal.“ Vastra mused, trying her best to commit the different personalities to her memory. There was no way of knowing if and when it would become useful. If their hunt was successful, they would soon find themselves face to face with this mysterious Time Lord.
“The Eight: The good man, who unlike his other selves strove to do good.“ Dorium raised his eyebrows, surprised. He checked the data entry twice, just to be sure.  
“Interesting…“ Vastra pursed her lips and Jenny added:
“People don’t have to be just good or just bad, there are two sides to everyone…“
“I’m beginning to see that…“ Yaz admitted, thinking back to the Doctor and the way she had been acting in Dorium’s bar. Her anger and fear had brought out the worst sides of her. She could only hope she was doing okay where she was now.
“The Nine: The kleptomaniac, driven by greed and prone to theft.“ Dorium continued reciting: “The Ten: The hypnotist, confident and able psychic.“
“Another useful ability…“ Vastra commented.
“The Eleven: The schemer, clever, patient and determined.“
“None of them particularly sound like a breeze to deal with…“ Jenny sighed.
“The Twelve: The matriarch, first female and last known regeneration. They are presumed dead.“ Dorium concluded at last.
“Imagine what that’s like, having all those personalities inside you.“ Yaz shook her head to herself. Anyone might go mad under those circumstances.
“I shall be glad to put them out of their misery.“ Strax announced, checking through his blaster rifle.
——
Unknown
“Wakey-wakey…“
River’s head was spinning. She was disoriented. The flood of sensation that came over her was painful in its intensity. She had a splitting headache. Her chest burned with every breath and she coughed. Light was blinding her, her eyes were refusing to adjust just yet. Her muscles were stiff and her joints ached, as if she was awakening from a long sleep.
That was when she realised she had corporal shape. She had a body. She tried to move but found her muscles wouldn’t cooperate, not just yet anyway. She was still getting used to breathing again.
“What…“ She tried to speak but she couldn’t produce sound yet. She felt utterly helpless but she was alive.  
“There we are, slowly coming to.“ The voice seemed very distant and her ears were only just getting used to processing sound again.
“A Time Lord’s body is a miracle. Even one that has spent all their regenerations.“ There was another voice but she couldn’t place it either. Her mind was still trying to catch up to where she was, how she had got here, what had happened last. The Library… had it all been a bad dream?
“She’s not a Time Lord.“ The first voice grew sharper and was beginning to sound more familiar as her senses began to normalise.
“Close enough.“ The second sounded female.
“What’s taking so long?“ There was the first voice again but changed. “Patience, Three.“ River knew that she knew this person but her brain wasn’t at full capacity yet. She blinked against the light. If only she could make something out. She was slowly adjusting. “You did a good job keeping her body intact.“
“The machine will restore her, it might take a while but she will be herself soon enough.“ River knew she had heard the female voice before, too.
“I hope so, I do like them with a bit of bite.“ The Thirteen. The memories were coming back to River now. She had been in the Library and someone had hacked into the system. He must have taken her, brought her elsewhere, returned her to a body. How had he done it?
“No.“ River whispered, her voice horse as her vocal chords hadn’t been used in a long time. It was like she had to learn how to use her body all over again. That was when she realised how she knew the second voice, a voice that still haunted her nightmares.
“Hello Melody.“ Madame Kovarian smirked, leaning over and into her field of vision.
“What are you…“ River tried to reach and push her away, she managed to raise her hands but collided with a glass case. She pressed her hands against it, she was in a glass tube of some kind. Or was it a coffin? She looked at her hands, pressed against the glass, finding her skin red and raw from the electrocution she had suffered while connecting herself to the Library core. She should have been dead. She had been dead. They had brought her body back to life and it was painful.
“Easy now, Melody, dear. A few days and your body will be good as new.“ Kovarian smirked. “Lucky really we got there in time but you were right, Time Lords take forever to properly die…“
“What are you planning on doing with me?“ River managed to turn her head and spotted the Thirteen standing behind Kovarian, watching with a content smirk on his face.
“All in good time, Professor, get your strength back now. It’s no fun beating you when you’re already down.“
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curiosityjams · 3 years
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re: iz*one
first of all, i wanted to say i didn’t plan on writing something about the disbandment. the past few months have been incredibly rough on my mental state to the point where i feel as if i’ve lost all sense of self. shit has been so rough for me, their disbandment being confirmed made that even worse for me. however, i realized i need to learn how to be okay with like...being open about my own emotions in a time of uncertainty and writing them out helps me in a way even if a lot of those emotions i’d rather keep private. i’ve also been going thru a time where i’m currently reevaluating this past year and everything i’ve done/felt in the past few yrs (2.5 of those years being izone’s run), so i thought i’d write something about the disbandment and what iz*one means to me, esp during this point in my life. i’d write more about what led me to this point, but if i did, i’d end up writing a whole novel, so i’m just going to keep this as short as possible.
also if this is a jumbled mess, i’m sorry!!!!
since we’re here to talk about the inevitable, i just wanted to say that i’ve probably had a harder time accepting them being gone than i thought. i knew they were gonna disband eventually bc lol produce group, but also, knowing what happened with the voting scandal and the panasonic, it makes it even worse for me. i hate that they didn’t even bother to handle their disbandment in a way that wasn’t complete horseshit. i hate how the pandora screwed everything up. i hate how we didn’t even get a proper goodbye from the girls. i knew that this was going to happen, but i fucking hate how it all turned out. i can’t say i’m 100% happy with the ending and honestly, don’t think i’ll ever be able to fully accept that they’re no longer a group. 
that said, i’m not here to vent.
while i’m obviously upset that they’re gone, the fact that they were ever a group to begin with--i’ll forever be grateful. i avoided getting into them for the longest time because of my own trauma from being involved in the 48 fandom (smth i’ll talk about at a later time bc it’s a lot), but the moment i decided to watch their “up” performance and actually give them a chance beyond looping la vie en rose, that’s when i fell in love. i fell in love with the music. i fell in love with the visuals. i fell in love with the bond between the girls. most of all, i fell in love with the fact that during a weird transitional period in my 20s, i found a group that gave me the closure i needed in a time where it felt like the world was against me while also giving me the strength i need to move on. 
while we’re on that topic, let’s talk about kwon eunbi.
as you already know from my url, eunbi is obviously my bias. she’s the leader of the group, under the company my ult group, lovelyz, is also in, and THE absolute all-rounder. she’s extremely talented, super fucking funny, a babe of THE highest order, and the best single mom you could ever ask for. every time i watch a video of iz*one’s or look at any of their pics, i’m always in absolute awe of her. while i love all of the girls (j-line has a very special place in my heart bc of my time in 48 fandom) and do consider the entire group to be one full of bias wreckers, it’s eunbi that instantly caught my eye and the one i’m incredibly proud to call my ult.
“now, drea, why is it that you’re taking so much time with talking about how special this group and that girl are to you?” well, it’s mainly because that eunbi and i are the same age (both 95-liners, but i’m older by 2 months) that i’m so drawn to not only her, but the group as well. yeah, it’s normal to be drawn to members born in your birth year, but for me and esp in this case, it’s far more complex than it seems.
around the time i got into the group, i was (still am) going thru a quarter life crisis. i had just finished my a.a., was a few months away from turning 24, and had pretty much decided i was going to take an indefinite hiatus from twitter due to the amount of harm its done to my mental health over 10 years. i felt like shit knowing that so many people my age were living their lives, getting married, having kids, etc all that shit while i felt as if i was frozen in time and like i could never accomplish any of those things because according to society, my time was up. as a woman on the autism spectrum, i never felt like anything i did was enough and knowing that even after years of trauma, the feeling that if i don’t have my entire life sorted out by 24/25 scared the living shit out of me. knowing that a panini happened made those feelings even worse. 
i know it’s weird to like...feel so many emotions over this esp since 23-25 is young and starting your career out at that age is normal. that said, knowing how eunbi was already in a group prior to joining iz*one that ended up disbanding months after they debuted, the road she took to get to where she is now, and the fact that she’s 25/26 and will get so many chances to start over is what gives me hope after such a shit year. i can finally get to where i want to be, i’ll graduate from university, i’ll hopefully get a job that will earn me enough money to move out of my mom’s house, i’ll find love, etc who the fuck knows what’s going to happen? i hate that after years of hating myself and being afraid of getting older because people often have this mentality that you should abandon all sense of yourself once you hit your mid 20s, it’s taken me THIS long to actually start accepting myself for who i am and living my life for myself, but i’m excited to see where the fuck life takes me after years of self-hatred, trauma, and trying too hard to please ppl that don’t give a shit. seeing eunbi just have a fucking blast on stage, take care of her members, and overall be the amazing person she is gave me the strength i desperately needed to actually get to the path i want to be on as someone that’s a few years away from turning 30.
as i said earlier, i’m not ready to just outright accept iz*one being gone. i’ll probably spend the entire month of may just watching their content since there’s still a shitton of stuff i have yet to watch and i’m lowkey embarrassed that as a fan, i’m admitting this, but also: there’s no time limit. i can always watch that video at another time, i’ll like that pic later, etc. i wish iz*one was one of those things that had no time limit because i’ll always cherish them, but in the 2.5 years of their existance, i achieved some big things and survived a pandemic. i left twitter, got closure in chapters i needed closure in, finished my a.a., etc among many other things during that time and it’s partly because of iz*one that i’ve pushed myself to do all of those things. it’s hard esp since it’s easier to just write smth like this on tumblr than actually do it, but the girls and their music were part of the reason why 2020 wasn’t a complete dumpster fire for me. 
most of all, i wanted to write this because i wanted to shout-out the amazing folks at @izonetwork​. i joined super late in the game, but the convos i’ve had, the laughs we’ve had on discord/among us, etc i’ll never forget it. meeting all of you was one of THE highlights of an otherwise shitty year and i’ll always credit you as one of the reasons why i wasn’t completely emotionally distant during such a dark time. all of you keep me grounded and i’m forever grateful. super honored to call you guys my friends. <3
so yeah, thank you iz*one. thank you, eunbi, sakura, hyewon, yena, chaeyeon, chaewon, minju, nako, hitomi, yuri, yujin, and wonyoung. i don’t speak korean or japanese, but know i’m eternally grateful for all the joy, strength and bops you gave me in the past 2.5 years. i’m even more grateful for the friends i’ve met thru my own fandom of the group. i’m excited to see what every single one of you does next regardless of what it may be. 
now if you’ll excuse me, i have to go catch up on all the enozis i’ve missed. 
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