#so now i'm like OH AHAHAHAHHA THATS SO FUNNY WOW

[yeoldotcom]

oh wait can i vent really quickly

#so basically i don't really define my sexuality just bc it's confusing as hell like who u wanna like u know? #and my friend is bi and she keeps saying oh yea zee ur gorgeous and ofc i tell her she's also gorgeous because She Is #but today she was like 'no bc i'll fall for u' and my fuckboy-at-heart ass thought she was joking so i went along with it but turns out #she wasn't joking n then i was like well oop i'm actually not really emotionally available n stuff basically i'm the worst person to fall go #for #and i'm like i really hope ur joking like don't tell me u fell for me over a convo... 😳 like bro i'm so sorry i'm literally a fuckboy #i gave my heart to nct and exo what do u expect i literally cannot do real relationships unless it's either with chenle or hongwon 😐 #and she's like no i was joking #so now i'm like OH AHAHAHAHHA THATS SO FUNNY WOW #and my brain is like LMAOOO U REALLY THOUGHT SHE LIKED YOU ???? U REALLY THOUGHT ANYONE COULD LIKE U??? U THOUGHT U WERE LOVEABLE???? LMAOOO #and so of course i got super ... sad (wasn't diagnosed w depression so i'm not about to say i was depressed) but i started to spiral #and think Bad Things and she's like we gotta stop or i'm actually gonna fall and i'm like lmao sis ion believe a fucking word u say anymore🌝 #but it's funny because even though i was kinda bummed about her joking (she called me and was like I Wasn't Joking but i don't believe it) #a relationship wouldn't work between us bc although i can be attracted to girls i don't like relationships at all or pda and #i tend to lean more towards guys too and she's also not really my type (although i do think she's beautiful because she Is !) #so why was i even bummed out? and now it's gonna be weird bc i won't be able to think about anything else besides this event when we meet up #and we gotta meet to exchange gifts and idk it's just kinda weird it's almost 5am and i can't get this out of my head #like i don't like her romantically so why was i even fucking bummed ???? and it wouldn't go anywhere !!!!! and i would find it weird even #if we tried to have a relationship together !!!!!!! so WHY was i bummed and WHY am i still thinking about it?????? #anyways that's a weird thing that happened to me today :/ or technically yesterday #tbh i might just be aromantic i can't see myself in a relationship at all and my brain won't ever let me think i'm capable of being loved or #loving someone else. besides the imaginary perfect people i make up in my head for scenarios and inspiration for stories #but anyways if u read this all the way through i'm so sorry and thank you so much ur amazing i love you #yeol.com/zee