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#so now i really cant go to school and i have to tell him
homingpigecns · 6 months
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this is like a sadgirl pathetic post but this guy i met recently at work was like, very direct and polite in being interested in me and i've been feeling him out bc i literally do not know him well enough to have an opinion but i can't like. he is so normal and nice. hes like a nice normal guy. every time i text him he doesn't say anything weird and he's extremely nice. what the hell. he's literally so nice. WHY. does he like. me???? like what's wrong with him that he specifically is interested in me????
#this is not even a low self esteem thing but shdhsbdhsdh every girl in the world is so pretty . me??? why?????#literally the day i met him & he asked me out i barely spoke to him was mind numbingly stupid and crawled on the floor on multiple occasion#i cant text this guy bc every time i have to answer im like. this guy is so fucking normal. me??? hes interested in me???? WHY????#everyome i try to convey this to is like :// aww he thinks ur cute. stop overthinking. WHATS WRONG WITH HIM#he specifically asked me out by asking the relief nurse what my name was and she offered to give him my number if i was ok w it#I WAS AT WORK..... I JUST SAID YES...... and i was like ok this probably will not go anywhere. he probably wont even text me#he texted me while i was commuting home literally he was still doing cases........#did i mention i was digging through garbage. literally he was like sorry the surgeon yelled at u she gets so flustered and ir was like no#she yelled at me bc im stupid. did u not notice that im stupid. this guy -- NORMAL -- literally saw me at my lowest and asked me out......#brandon oscillates#brandon what abt the guy at work u had a thing for I KNOW. im so torn however sjsbdbdhdbbx we are like actually coworkers#this guy if i see him every now and then in passing occasionally in the same room. that guy is my coworker for real#it cant happen. also dbxshsdhshdhe he has a 9 yr old hes too old for me. idk his relationship status but i dont think hes married.#also hes out of my league. also my other coworker told me he thinks hes gay but that hes closeted but that coworker is filipino so#mildly homophobic. i also told him to never tell anyone else that. i dont think hes gay. whatever.#i will miss my impossible crush as my hobby but this guy is nice and ahdhs its psychopathic to give him my number and then reject his date#can u imagine#whatever. im doing high school now i guess. the relief nurse is sooo proud of herself#shdbbd literally when i came back from lunch that day my scrub was like THE DOCTOR LIKES U!!!#and i was lkke omg really??? she doesnt think im stupid???? but it was this guy. and she did still think i was stupid#u know i have concert tickets for next thursday but shdhsd i literally have had too many experiences this year#i am trying to sell tgem#personal
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dirt-str1der · 1 year
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just wanna say im obsessed with your mind and i read your posts about kiryu like the morning paper. thank you for your service
(Sweats) e-even the ones about him laying eggs ?
#Thanks for the ask !#HIIIIII thank you for reading my posts im really a serial rambler so that is no easy feat. i just had a lowkey nightmare that was insect#based so its nice to think about different kinds of eggs once in a while. sorry for the eggs i just learned the word gravid and i cant stop#saying it !!! i literally opened tumblr to make another post about kiryu i was gonna say he was probably antisocial in his childhood which#is really a miracle any girls managed to notice him at all. and i believe that he was very dismissive of his clothing and appearance because#you know when youre young and trans and havent realised it but you just randomly hate everything about your appearance and dont even knowwhy#i think his hair was always too long and too shaggy and he would let nishiki comb it sometimes because he really could not stand his mane#and sometimes when it gets wayy too long and shitty the sunflower caretaker would drag him outside and just cut a chunk of it off with a#knife and kiryu would have shoulder length hair for a little while... anyway i need to give him a little girlfriend like how rikiya had one#when he was in school because all trans guys need a little girlfriend or an all girl group of friends to be his girlfriends when hes a kid#so he can carry their shopping bags and wait for them outside the changing room etc and kiryu cant resist a girl so he gets a letter from#nishiki and he tells him yeah this is probably a prank to have you wait there for hours or there might be guys waiting to ambush you and#beat the crap out of you. and kiryus like Nobody beats the crap out of me except our dad. and goes to meet this girl and he actually agrees#to go out with her and this is the thing that keeps him in school because otherwise he would literally not go. like hed walk with yumi and#nishiki and the rest of the kids at sunflower that he doesnt care about to remember the names of. and he would just wave them off at the#gate and wander the town in his school uniform and then after school he’ll meet nishiki and possibly yumi at the gate (yumi probably makes#other friends but its a Must to walk nishiki home because he’ll get lonely) and when kiryu starts going out with this girl hes obligated to#walk her home so he already broke rule one but nishikis like happy for him But he has to walk home with some other random guys now and#eventually theyll broach the topic of ‘his psycho sister’ and nishiki literally has to beat a few guys up to defend kiryus honour and when#he comes back with news of how unpopular kiryu is with the rest of the guys because he looks better with short hair than they do and has a#girlfriend whos super cute. kiryu is just like damn did you commit social suicide to protect my honour? youre my best friend. but whatever#kids get over it fast. but parents dont!! and kiryu walks his girlfriend right to her front door and soon enough her parents are going to#find out that the boyfriend she keeps gushing about is a girl and straight up take her out of school to make her stop being gay and kiryus#like but ... im a boy ... punches the ground and screams to the sky. anyway enough about dysphoria simulator im here to talk about this guy#when hes a bit older because im salivating and shaking over the thought of his bootyass rip kiryu you woulda loved thongs. i think hed hate#ripped jeans but only because he thinks theyre a waste of manufacturing. its literally better for the world that kiryu decided 2 transition#because can you imagine if she was a girl and needed to wear a bra? like she would literally have an itchy back all the time which would#give her a hair trigger temper which means kamurocho a&e room will be very healthily plush indeed. god my battery is dying i need to take a#shower noww anyway really thank you for the nice message you are so sweet ... hi ...
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opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months
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#so i survived my 1st week as a phd student. it's interesting. im not sure how i feel#the negatives are that i forgot how much stress being around people causes me. as a research assistant i was able to be on my own schedule#and go into the lab at odd hours so i never had to see anyone. but now im in classes and teaching and have a shared office#classes are tolerable stress wise so long as im sitting on an edge. i only feel a lil like im dying. teaching makes nauseous beforehand.#which is odd bc im not really worried while im doing it or before im doing it. i thibk its just that i have to interact ans i kno im a#mediocre teacher bc id rather die than do the back and forth of asking questions and u should teach interactively#i like to break down complex idea and help people with problems but i was not build to teach in classrooms. i get knocked off points when#i give class presentations bc i cant make eye contact lol. so that'll b annoying this semester. and its just so hard to function in an#office space. idk its weird like i dont even feel it that much while im there its just like a flashing *i need to leave* alarm. and then#when im alone its like a physical weight off of me. and i cant tell if thats what's draining my energy or if ive just cycled into a low#energy lul bc im just like. i wanna sleep. and for me thats always a sign that somethings wrong. i dont feel that bad mood wise but its#like there's a rock weighing me down as im trying to tread water. so those r the big negatives. the positives r that#i do enjoy being back in school. i love the structure of it. but im also self destructive abt structure so well see how it goes. but my#lab mates seem nice as does my advisor. i feel a bit bad bc ill have to learn genome stuff from the ground up. and today i was trying to#convey ideas to him like an insane person. bc i dont have enough background to talk fluidly abt my prospective project and i have a picture#of what i mean but not all the details. hopefully i made some sense. i think the idea is cool. and thats the other really positive thing.#the papers i have to read associated with this project r waaaaaaaaaay more interesting than anything i ever had to read for my masters. like#they're the types of papers i would force other ppl to read for lab meetings. so im optimistic abt not hating it by the end haha#yay for being excited abt science. but i guess thats the other thing i feel bad abt. like im interested but haven't read a lot to prep bc#i cant express how difficult dyslexia makes things but also i cant control how interested in things i get so i bassically banned myself#from reading papers im actually interested in like 3 years ago bc in retrospect i was prob going thru a hypomanic episode#and i was like reading papers abt microbes in Antarctica all day and not working on my stuff. and i just remember walking into the lab at#like 5am to trasfer alage with tears streaming down my face bc i was just like. i cant have this nice thing and b functional. it has to stop#so i just created this weird barrier in my mind where im not allowed to read fun papers. so its odd to b reading them now for work. its odd#also i was walking to my office worring abt things and then i saw some moss growinf around the edge of the sidewalk and it made me wanna cry#bc i am an extremely normal individual. i have normal feelings abt photosynthesis. but anyway yeah. its been interesting#hopefully ill stay optimistic. next week we have a orientation for new grad students. and i might have to drive like an hr away. hate that#the driving i mean. not the orientation. that should b fun#unrelated
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theygender · 1 year
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My gf and I have talked about hypothetically opening up our relationship at some point in the future which would make me very happy as a polyamorous person, but I just realized that if that actually happens and I have to go back out on the dating scene I'm gonna have some trouble bc now that I'm more outwardly butch people are gonna expect me to make the first move and I have never made a first move in my entire life
In all of my relationships but two the first move was made by the other person, and I wasn't even the person who made the first move in the other two. In the first one the girl chickened out on her plans to ask me out and then our mutual friend who didn't realize that that had happened outed her by asking me what I said afterwards, and in the second one me and the other person both went to the same friend on the same day to talk about our crushes on each other and then she made us talk about our feelings
I met my current girlfriend on a dating app, and the first time she tried to ask me on a date she wanted to take me to the theater so she asked me if I had seen the new beauty & the beast movie and then instead of realizing that she was asking me on a date I said that I'd already seen it and gave her a negative review of the movie. And then when she asked me on a date again a few weeks later I had to ask to make sure it was a date when I got there 😭
...And that reminds me of another event in high school where a girl I liked took me to the mall and we walked around holding hands the entire time and then afterwards I had to get one of our mutual friends to ask her if it was supposed to be a date bc I was too nervous and also stupid 😭 Another girl that year asked me to skip class with her and told me that if I flashed my pretty smile at the teacher I could probably get away with it and I had to show the text to my friend to ask if she was flirting. I'm gonna die out there on my own 😭
#rambling#the friend i showed the message to was the same one i made ask the other girl if it was a date#and he didnt even answer he just raised his eyebrow and stared at me like 'really?'#god im just. remembering how stupid i was in high school now#there were two other crushes that i had who may have potentially liked me back and i may have even been told that by multiple people#but i was so deep in my self hatred and also stupid that i didnt think it was possible for them or anyone else to like me 😭#they both were friends of mine and they eventually stopped talking to me completely and i couldnt figure out why#and now i hope its not bc they they thought i was leading them on. bc i wasnt. i was just a massive idiot#you have to explicitly tell me that youre interested in me or want to go on a date or whatever or im not gonna get it#and tbh. that didnt even always work#my first major crush in high school was on a girl who told me directly multiple times that she was into me#but i was even DEEPER in my self hatred at that time#(and also only just figuring out how social interaction worked bc she was helping my autistic ass learn)#so i just. assumed it was a joke. bc no one could have possibly been interested in me and definitely not such an amazing person#i guess at least i have a scrap of self confidence now and im brave enough to ask for clarification now#and if i specifically ask someone on a date at least i would know for sure its a date?#and it could either be lame or cute but i could ask for permission to kiss them. it worked for my gf#i cant interpret signals for shit 😭#i dont even have a valid reason to be thinking about this right now lol its not like i have permission to date anyone else romantically yet#but ive been watching clone high with my gf and abe keeps misinterpreting joan directly saying that she wants him in increasingly dumb ways#and i just keep cringing bc i realized that that was me ahdjsksl....#only difference is in my case it was never bc i was ignoring them for someone else. it was ALWAYS bc i was an idiot#literally i would be there pining for them and every attempt they made would go right over my head#you have to be morosexual and very persistent to date me 😭 or tell a mutual friend whos very persistent ig lol#i know we are All useless lesbians but i think i deserve a medal or smth#ill hang it on my corkboard next to the souvenir that one of my crushes who i didnt think liked me back got for me in high school#which was a plastic license plate that said 'babygirl' on it bc that was her nickname for me 😅#god i really hope people didnt think i was leading them on. imagine someone thinking im a player flirting with a bunch of different girls#without ever making things official. when really if i found out for certain any of them were interested in me i would have died of shock 😭#and if we WERE in fact flirting i wouldnt have realized it. i was just SO scared and SO stupid 😭😭😭
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frogathy · 1 year
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i cant tell if i like this guy or if im just enchanted by his incredibly large dyslexic adhd brain
#please help idk if this is just platonic awe or if i Like him#damn this is the same story as always😎it is not new😎how does one Ever tell the difference between feelings and Feelings😎🐺#froegis meep tag#he is so smart and naturally curious and i could listen to him talk for hours#he codes he does math problems for fun he plays destiny too much he’s incredibly sleep deprived he’s super adhd and dyslexic and omg#i just have a lot of admiration for him and i love his brain#but also thats not the only reason#what makes him so special is despite all of that and how logical he seems to be. he’s actually so so sweet and he is really emotionally apt#like he’s not a robot. he’s just a Guy who has fun coding and doing math and i adore that#because he also cares and isn’t just a Guy he’s a kind guy and is easy to talk to and he’s come so much out of his shell these past few year#years and it makes me so happy and im so proud of him#and now we get to play ow2 together for our school and im really happy about it because he’s the one person i know and am comfy with#gajdudhaugddub anyways anyways brain is racing and going places and although i know i am nowhere near mentally well enough for any kind of#relationship i still cant help from wondering if i just want to be friends So Bad or if this is a ‘i want to be in love with him So Bad’#u knwo..?#cause we are friends but my heart is like.. but what if.. we were Best Friends..#or.. wgat if.. we held hands and stuff😎
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cannot believe that slime rancher 2 came out and i still havent been able to play the first one despite literally owning it <//3
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silverislander · 1 month
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i can't be trusted to take breaks bc i'm now on day 4-5 of "doing no school work at all" since it's the winter semester break and i said i'd take monday off for myself. i have the second section of my essay technically due tomorrow and i'm absolutely not going to be done on time. fuck me man
#the problem is im not doing awesome rn. im gonna be ok but yk its february it happens#so i said 'ill take a day off see if that helps. no work for one day and then back at it tomorrow'#but i didnt get back at it. bc my stupid fucking adhd ass brain hears 'do no work' and will then refuse to turn back on#i NEEDED a break genuinely. but i cant turn my attention/focus on and off like everyone else so now its fucking. broken#i have shit i need to get done!!#and make it worse bc i wasnt doing great to begin with now that im not doing anything i feel guilty for that which makes me feel worse#and makes it harder to do anything at all#the only options for me are working until i drop which is bad for me or taking a break and getting completely off track#levi.txt#vent tw#its not even that i dont WANT to work bc i like what im doing. i just cant make myself fucking do it#doesnt help that bc im on break my routine is all fucked up. i always start to work idly during class between taking notes#it helps me focus and not get bored and then i can work up to full focus hard work after class in the library#and since im not going to class this week... i dont start work#whoever came up w the idea that school breaks were for finishing/catching up on work: youre fucking evil#what do you think a BREAK means#companies arent allowed to make me work on my lunch so why are you giving us a 'break' and forcing us to work through that#anyway. im going to try to finish a paragraph of my essay today and email my supervisor to tell him itll be in late#fucking sucks but yk. im really not making this deadline. id have to get like 10pgs done today plus major revisions
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unknownmads · 4 months
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CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT INMATE TOJI AND CUTE LITTLE Y/N WHOS SO NAIVE TO BIG BAD TOJI
CW: Slight smut (mentions of his pp🤭)
☆☆☆
thinking about Prison toji who you met when your college has you do a little project in your criminal psychology class. The project was make a penpal get to know them ask why they are in prision, what their lives before was like, do they regret what they did etc. basic questions of course all you had to do was get the most information out of the penpal about their personal lives as you could.
Prison Toji who only signed up for the program because it was part of his latest court order saying he ‘needed more understanding’ so a penpal would give him a friend while they stay safe😭 he ofc hated the idea and thought it was the dumbest shit ever. until he got his first letter, from you (duh).
Prison toji who got mail for the first time and it was a little white envelope with a cute little sticker sealing it. He deadpanned *is my penpal an idiot these letters are for a prison not a daycare* he silently judges examining every detail as he opened the letter. i read the letter taking in every little personal detail you shared with him, your cute little name, how you loved your cat, how you’re new to the city only just moving for school, of course the boring questions for him as well. But at the very end of the letter he noticed an extra little note.
Ps. i left a few photos of myself along with some of my cat! i think it’s only fair since i got to see your photo on the website
Prison toji who grabs the envelope he previously had thrown to the side and pulls out 3 polaroids. One of you and probably your cat you’re dragging it into the photo with a big grin on your face. the second is a photo of your face a soft smile on your lips meant for whoever took the photo but Toji couldn’t help but wonder if that little smile was for him. Until he pulls out the third photo it’s a full view of you, you’re out in the city dressed all out, and Toji couldn’t help but know you chose that photo just for him.
Prison Toji who can’t wait to finally get some alone time so he can truly appreciate your pretty photos. And immediately goes to write you back answering all your cute little questions. Telling you where he lived before, how he ended up there, telling you what he did for work before (Surprise he sold drugs😍), telling you what he does to occupy his time here (he works out he just wanted an excuse to tell you how strong he is), and he asks you some questions.
Prison Toji who has been relentlessly flirting with since you started writing to him, asking if you had a boyfriend, how your school was going, why you moved to the city, how a cute lil thing like you is still single. You had been writing each other for a few weeks now which is a lot less than you think when you know how long mail takes. But your letters to each other are long. answering every little thing each other asks, learning about one another more and more. You had really connected so you finally ask him the big question he read the words as clear as day.
~Do you think i could come pay you a visit? ~
Prison Toji who had to immediately write back answering the most important question first.
~ And doll, you can come visit me anytime id love to finally meet you and see your pretty face in person~
he wanted to be nonchalant.
Prison Toji who was sitting in bed looking at your photos when he was called
“Zenin, you’ve got a visitor. away from the door.”
Prison Toji silently followed standing on the other side of the cell while the guard came in to handcuff him and bring him to the visiting area. Once he was in the room his cuffs connecting him to the table he waited. until he heard the door open again. He felt his cock twitch in his pants as he saw the guard guide you in. You were wide eyed taking in the new environment until they landed on him.
Prison Toji was large, you knew he was tall and muscular thanks to his letters and photo but nothing could have prepared you for the real deal. Eyes widening even more when you fully take him in. seated At the grey metal table his hands on the table as the guard had told him to. his hair poking at his eyes which were staring drinking you in. his lip in a smirk helping you notice the scar on it which you couldn’t really see from the grainy prison photos. His shirt stretched against his muscles showing off a few tattoos hidden along his skin. the view making you squeeze your thighs together to release some of the pressure building.
Prison Toji who took in as much of you as he could as he watched you shuffle into your seat across from him, enjoying how you squirmed slightly within his gaze, his smirk growing into an almost full smile.
“hey doll it’s good to finally meet you.”
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bratetteprincess · 2 months
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so we had nothing to do @ school today so i have been daydreaming about luke and innocent reader who is a daughter of aphrodite but hasn't had her first time and she usually gets off by using her pillow okay and its been like 5 months since she and luke started dating and he is so respectful of her boundaries but then luke gets sent of a quest and she tries to get off but can't and is so frustrated w herself when luke gets back he finds her crying and asks he what's wrong and she straight up says i have been trying to get of but i cant w tears streaming down her face and then luke kiss her softly and explains to her that she may be oversimulated and basically he lets her ride his thigh but she is confused like isnt this different than humping a pillow??? but he tells her it is different and just manhandles her into his lap AGHHHHH SOMEONE TAKE MY PHONE AWAY PLS
🎀 ANON <3
omg help because I’m literally innocent!reader !! exposing myself cus… my giant teddy bear on my bed…
——— ೀ 🍨 ‧ ˚ 🎀 ⊹˚. ♡
your tears made your eyes all blurry too, sniffling and huffing because you just want to get off !! but your pink, silky pillows weren’t working, n you missed luke n ugh !! everything was just so sensitive :((
luke would be so so understanding, and a little surprised that his sweet girlfriend had been getting off all by herself this whole time…when lukes fingers existed… n his tongue… n his thigh
“baby, how long have you been at’this?” his soft kisses spoil your tear stained cheeks n jawline, sitting in his lap in just your panties you nuzzle your arms around him
“a long time… m’sorry! It-it’s kinda embarrassing-” you hide in the crook of his neck, all hot n just wishing the conversation could end ! but your body still felt so desperate :(
“hey, hey look at me, mkay? there we go it’s not bad- it’s actually pretty hot princess.” he lets out a raspy laugh, not believing how you couldn’t see how pretty you looked right now
“really?”
“fuck yea, my girl getting off on her pillows shit yea it is. your- body just might be a little overwhelmed right now that’s all, pretty girl,”
you nod your head n his hands rub the soft flesh on your hips
“m-m’kay, I’just missed you luke...” the damp spot on your panties wouldn’t go away n not with lukes muscles pressed softly agaisnt your puffy clit !! your thighs clench shyly together just to hide the needy ache
n of course he smirked
“missed you too, ma. god, mhm your smell, your taste, these pretty lips-” his lips were slow n warm n teasing on your soft skin… a hard bulge pressing agaisnt your bottom-
“so fucking much,” why was he lifting your hips?? moving his thigh right under your pantied, pretty little cunt-
“mpm o-h!” you squeak, your lashes batting rapidly as he sits you down on his muscler thigh, pressing right against your clit n making you whine
“fuck- let me help my girl out, k? it’s gonna feel a bit- harder than your pillows princess, we’ll just go slow for now, yea?”
he could feel your sweet wetness drool against his leg n his toned thighs were definitely not the hardest thing in the room anymore…
——— ೀ 🍨 ‧ ˚ 🎀 ⊹˚. ♡
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amaranthineghost · 4 months
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| I CANT HELP BUT PUSH YOU AWAY, MY DEAR. SELF SABOTAGE IS ALL I KNOW ( lando norris. ) |
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ꕥ pairing: lando x reader
ꕥ summary: feeling loved is foreign to her, she wants to self sabotage, but he won't let her.
ꕥ authors note: I enjoyed this too much, probably one of my favorites I've written, not requested. side note, this will probably be the last thing i write because i work like 20 hours this weekend (including friday) plus another 15 hours next week(not including sunday) so i'll be busy with work and school, but i'll try my best to get some writing done. I suspect i'll be working more because of christmas being close, but we'll see! thanks for all the support &lt;3
if anyone has any christmas requests for any driver, PLEASE i would love to write it :3
ꕥ warnings: mentions of anxiety and overthinking and everything that comes with it, as well as struggles eating caused by anxiety, partially unrevised.
GIVING LOVE WAS EASY. receiving it felt too good to be true. giving love was easy when she'd spent her entire adolescence handing it out like a warm beverage on a cold day. it was always up for grabs, and people always wanted to take it for granted.
the idea of love was something she'd daydream about daily, craving it in a way she didn't believed she deserved. giving her love away was easy because she had lots to give. she'd trust easily, but not at the same time. she'd give her heart, but not her mind and that's how she'd end up hurting.
she longed to be loved. she swore every single love language was hers, but she'd realize how often she'd crave a single touch from the man she wanted. physical touch was always the one she longed for.
love was hard to believe. she was surrounded by it, but she never had it on the level others had.
she longed to be loved, but could she handle being loved? she knew she couldn't from past, failed relationships that failed because of her. because all it took was one relationship to break her trust for the rest to follow.
it was hard to trust that relationship to begin with, anxiety ate her away with every waking moment. she didn't believe she deserved to receive love in return of giving hers away. countless times her friends told her that he didn't deserve the love she gave him, it was best that she found out who he really was, but it destroyed her.
because now when any man showed any slight interest in her, she'd recede with heaps of anxiety.
growing up, from a kid to a teenager, she was never told she was pretty or attractive. she never had the attention from the right guys to make her feel it too. she knew she didn't need guys to tell her things to make her feel better, but she wanted them to. she'd watch her friends find solid relationships, or go between guys. she couldn't find one.
it solidified her belief that maybe she wasn't deserving. being loved was so foreign to her, she didn't know how it felt to be loved in the right way.
after all, all she knew was heartbreak and self-sabotage.
when she'd finally found her first relationship, she'd swallow the looming anxiety that bubbled in the pit of her stomach. because someone wanted to be with her. she'd give them all her heart, she'd give them her trust.
but a relationship laced with infidelity was bound to burn. and so it did. it set a fire greater than she could've put out by herself. because deep inside, it still burned in her heart. it ruined her. now she couldn't comprehend the idea of trusting someone on such a level as a relationship. being genuinely loved by someone other than herself, but even she couldn't. she didn't deserve it. because what others couldn't see in her, she couldn't see in herself.
every other 'relationship' that followed failed. they burned before they even got a chance to ignite into something else. something good, and or something bad.
because she'd never let them get close enough to have her trust. she wasn't the type to easily communicate her feelings towards another individual, pushing it into the deepest depths of her heart and mind. for her and her only.
growing up, her feelings were often stepped on or put out. she'd get called a cry baby, or no one would even care to listen. it's one of the reasons her self sabotages work so well.
she wouldn't communicate, a key component to the formula for a relationship. because what goods a relationship that you know nothing about. what goods a relationship that she's miserable in because she's too scared and untrusting to let someone through to her heart again.
it was a miracle she even managed to date him, let alone meet him in the first place. he was famous, she was her. one of the reasons she didn't think the relationship was going to go as far as it did.
because she'd constantly compare herself to his former lovers. pretty models with perfect features, famous like him.
but the attraction between the two was undeniable, even she had to admit. when they'd lock eyes for the first time, she felt that same anxiety. she always felt it when faced with anything that could be more than just a friendship. but he was different because not only was the feeling of anxiety present, the feeling of wanting more, longing.
though with every notification, she found herself praying it wasn't him, not because she didn't like him because dear god, he was probably the most attractive man she's ever seen. but because she didn't know how to talk to someone with the intention of being more than friends.
it was so vastly different than if she was texting to become friends. she couldn't imagine going from barely knowing each other, to hanging out, to dating.
because it meant she had to trust the person. she'd have to trust herself, and she didn't know if she could handle it.
she found herself struggling to reply within a message that didn't seem too dry, but not giving her burning heart away like charity. she was never good at it.
but when random texts throughout the day turned to late night conversations over the phone, to falling asleep on facetime calls, she knew she was in too deep.
especially when they'd hung out for the first time. they had a magnetic energy pulling one another together, like they couldn't and wouldn't be separated. neither of them wanted to.
but she didn't know what to tell him. she didn't know how to express her feelings when she's forced herself to keep quiet for as long as she can remember. she didn't know how to tell him she needed words of reassurance because her anxiety was her mortal enemy.
it wasn't like she couldn't trust him, she knew she could. but her mind made every possible way that he couldn't be trusted by her. it was always in her thoughts.
self sabotage seemed like the better alternative than spilling her heart and hurt to him, or overthinking every way that this would be a bad thing because there's no way he could be good to her.
when the days of anxiety got particularly worse after they'd started dating, he'd notice the times when she'd shy from his touch. he noticed her lips more irritated than usual from the consistent biting, or how short her nails became. how little she ate, and how much she'd pick at her food, pushing it around the plate till it got cold.
days like those, he did what he could with what he knew, which seemed like nothing. but he'd never fail to say something that he'd hoped would make her feel better.
and it did, at least a little.
as she laid on her back in his bed, her eyes stared into the dark of his room. her stomach rolled with the nauseous feeling that came with her anxiety, and biting her lip became a routine. her head turned to see the back of his. lando's curly hair, the chain around his neck, his bare shoulders and back. a sight to see, especially in the dark.
she'd spent countless nights awake long after he falls asleep, each time she'd carefully reach for his phone. she knew it was wrong, but she needed reassurance, and she didn't want to ask for it. but his phone was password protected, something she was too scared to even hint at.
so it became a routine. stay up well past when he'd fallen asleep, slipping his phone in her hand and simply trying a few passcodes she could think of that might work. to no avail, she'd place the phone right back, trying to make it seem like it never moved.
his phone had face id, she knew but it always seemed too risky, even for her. but she was desperate. she needed to know even when in her heart, she knew there wasn't a chance of infidelity. but her heart was charred and still in flames, so it wasn't enough.
she'd hold his phone in her hand, sliding across the cold phone case that'd matched hers. her heart beat in her chest as she slowly turned closer.
her body loomed over his, her arm snaking in front of his tired face, desperately trying for face id. she knew it'd be too dark, but this was the only time she'd actually try something. she saw the screen illuminate his face slightly, but not enough.
" 'm password's your birthday," his words slurred because of his tiredness, but nonetheless she heard him and she froze. he knew she'd been trying to get into his phone? for how long?
her mouth was dropped open and she slowly retreated the phone, though the rest of her body in shock. her feelings were conflicting. it never occurred to her that his password would be about her. because in her mind, she wasn't important enough for that.
with her breath held, sweaty palms and shaky hands, her fingers danced across the number pad, entering the date.
it worked, her eyes flickering back to him. the fact he was so willing was already enough to calm her because if it was any of her past situationships, she'd be sure they wouldn't be so forgiving if they found her with their phone. it was a deal breaker in the past.
but the way he just didn't care was nearly enough for her. at this point, she just wanted a peak, and that's all she did.
when she reassured her heart, she'd slid his phone back on his bedside table. she laid back down on her side, thoughts running through her mind at a million miles. she turned to him once again, slipping her arms around his midsection. she felt the warmth of his back spread across her chest, pressing her cheek against his skin and fluttering her eyes shut. for so long, she'd craved touch, being held by someone she was in love with.
she'd remember the last feeling she felt before slipping into a warm slumber, the sensation of his smooth and callused hand around her wrist, his thumb caressing her skin softly. she'd smirk against his back.
when morning came, she didn't know what to expect. most of the time, she wouldn't even make it through the night before she was kicked out, forced to go back home. because to them, it was much easier to force her out than to have a conversation with her. she didn't know which one she'd prefer though.
because what she didn't expect was waking up to the sun in her face, leaking through the curtains and spilling across the bed. she'd found her way to the other side of his bed, lying on her stomach with his arm across her back. her hands found their way to his wrist, feeling the multitude of bracelets between her fingers. she examined the difference between them, the fancy designers to handmade ones from his fans.
though mostly silver, there was an odd gold one that stood out, it caught her attention. the corners of her lips twitched into a smile as she separated it from the rest on his wrist. though it was mostly a simple thin chain, it had a bar with the designer name on it. she'd liked it. it was simple and pretty.
she heard the bed rustle next to her, she dropped the bracelet back down on his wrist, her head turning to watch him go from lying on his stomach to pressing his chest against her back. though his eyes still closed, he'd press his face into her neck tiredly. the hand that she'd played with grabbed hers while his other arm snaked around her shoulder and across her chest.
"you can have it, if you want," he muttered against her skin, sending chills down her spine and vibrations through her skin as she inhaled sharply. she watched him bring his hands close together, unclasping the simple bracelet.
"you don't have to, lando-" she stuttered, assuring him it was fine, but he was stubborn. he'd shush her, lifting his head to find her wrist as he'd place it around it.
" 'ts fine," he told her, "pretty girls should have pretty bracelets," he whispered against her shoulder, his lips lingering on her skin. he'd tuck the loose strands of her hair behind her ear. she felt his breath against her, shuddering.
"are you sure?" she questioned, her voice barely above a whisper when she'd look into his green eyes, watching how his pupils change size. she now laid facing him with her arm under her, supporting her weight.
she was scared it was some sort of bribe, that he'd ask her to do something in return, or that it'd be a thing to use for her to overlook something he'd done.
he nodded, studying every feature of her face. every mole, freckle and blemish, every lash on her eyelid, noticing how some crossed over the other.
"y'know we need to talk, yeah?" his tone was gentle, the rasp of his morning voice melted her brain. her heart paused, her eyes dancing across his face as he waited for an answer. his head tilted to the side.
she brought her hand to her face, biting at the flesh around her nails nervously. she felt anxiety creep over her body, tummy churning with unease. she just nodded back, unknowing of what to say.
" 'm not mad, love," he brought his hand to her face, the pads of his fingers running across her cheek, slipping into her hair, "jus' want to know what's goin' on."
the way his voice was so warm and inviting, with the slight rasp in his throat, causing a dip in his voice with every hushed word he spoke, it caused shivers across her body.
her lips parted, but no words left her throat. she pursed them together before thinking of what to say. she'd whisper back to him, "I jus' don't know how to tell you."
his head tilted even more, feeling his fingers scratch her scalp softly, "tell me what?"
"how I feel."
he felt a pang in his heart as he heard her words, the hurt laced into her voice as she watched his face closely, "how do you feel?"
she hesitated, looking at her hand nervously, finicking with the new bracelet on her wrist when he'd carefully push her chin up to meet his face.
she sighed, biting her cheek, "I feel," she started, "like I don't deserve to be loved."
she'd watch his eyes soften at her words, the expression on his face growing sadder the more he processed what she said.
he shook his head, "you do deserve it, darling, m'kay?" he leaned closer, his forehead against her, "I don't know how many times I'll need to say it for you, but I will because it's true."
his words sunk into her skin, her mind, her heart still set afire all these years later. she couldn't extinguish it by herself, but he could.
the fire that burned in her heart started to diminish with every word, with every sentence of affirmation from him. it told her she could spill her guts to him and he'd be there to simply listen. she needed that so desperately.
"I'll tell you anything you want to hear," he sat up more on the bed, his head stretching above hers, "but we need to work together on this." his hand pulled from her hair and lined across her jaw.
she nodded, sighing softly as she looked up at him with half-lidded eyes, her tongue gliding across her cracked lips with a stinging pain.
"I jus' get really anxious, and then I start to overthink," she started so easily and without realizing, she couldn't stop.
she'd spill all her trust on him and he'd pick it up and lock it safely with him. because he'd die than betray her trust, after they'd worked so hard to make this work.
he'd see the fire ablaze in her heart and body and put it out in a matter of a few words when it took her years to even lessen the hurt.
he'd restore her charred heart, picking away at the blackness that plagued it. picking her mind apart from the bad and making her realize what she needed all along.
he put out her fire.
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diggykit-kat · 1 month
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𝑫𝒐𝒈𝑫𝒂𝒚 x Reader Pt.3
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Although it was out of character for him to do such a thing, you wrote it off...he's still a good person...right? There was nothing wrong with it, you just forgot about it. You needed it in order to survive, right?
It was late and you've been doing well. DogDay made sure to feed you a large amount of the strange meat. Its taste grew on you, despite it coming from a possibly dead fucking body.
You lay in the den, your back up against DogDay's leg. He plays with your hair and makes sure to keep you safe from the entities outside of this ‘safe zone’
"Little Angel...I have a question. Do you have family that's looking for you right now?" he asks while brushing his hand through your hair. It felt nice. He continued to stroke your hair, letting you rest in his grip.
You looked up at him and said “No, I just came out of thin air, and pop I’m here! Matter of fact I am not even excited” You snickered
DogDay gave you a quick smirk. "Smart-aleck, hm? You know well that's a lie. You never talk about your past. Your past that involves family...friends...I don't know, it's like you just want to pretend it never happened."
“Oh, I don’t want to hear you talk after the whole ass MEAT incident. I don't hear you going around and saying, ‘Well I just gave a human another human!”
Your words stung DogDay. The dog growled "Don't you even dare say that. I'm only doing this for your safety. Do you know what would've happened if I let you starve out there? You'd have died like the rest. You would've been torn to literal SHREDS by the Mini Smiling Critters...you'd have died horribly. I'm trying to keep YOU alive, doll, and that's the truth."
…you open your mouth to say something before dropping it and shrug “damn- well I can’t say anything to that. Fuck.”
DogDay nodded and kept petting your hair. “I know what i do looks horrible, but I'm the only one that wants to keep you safe. Everyone else just wants you dead. I’m doing all of this because I care. I’ve never really cared or liked anything else in my life, but with you…it's different. I…I care about you. So much, and I can't let you go.”
Your jaw drops “YOU CANT SAY THAT TO A FUCKING CHILD! You know how wrong that is. Never tell I child that, Jesus Christ!”
"I don't care." DogDay spoke softly again, his tone was full of remorse. "I don't care what anyone else thinks. Because at the end of the day, I'm the only person that you're stuck with. I don't care if it's wrong. Don't you see that I care for you more than anyone else? I'm all you've got...that's a fact."
“Damn you can’t gaslight anyone these days” you muttered “I had a whole thing going” You sighed and crossed your arms
He laughs and keeps stroking your hair. "I know, aren't I cruel? So awful, right?" he chuckled, seemingly enjoying that you were getting annoyed. He sighed. "But...you have to realize, you are stuck here. I've kept you from danger and kept you from dying. And I mean...you do like my cooking...right?"
“I mean I tasted better in the school cafeteria” you whisper
DogDay's head snapped towards you suddenly like a predator. "You...what did you say?"
Before you could even open your mouth there was an ungodly sound, like bones rubbing together…CatNap.
DogDay froze, his ears and tail dropping. You could see him shaking like a leaf. CatNap was here. "...stay as quiet as you can..." he whispered
You nodded and followed along with DogDay
You hid in the closet...hiding behind the coats in it. In just a few seconds, the door flew off its hinges. CatNap appeared in the opening of the doorway. His body was covered in blood...some fresh, others dried, and some...rotting. "There you are, DogDay...I see you're hiding." CatNap's voice was warped and twisted into an evil mockery of a normal person's voice...like a psychopath.
CatNap raised his hands and laughed evilly. "I heard you two talking...don't you dare think I wouldn't stop by. You're such a predictable creature DogDay...and you...little child"
You scoffed “Hey I'm pretty tall for my age you Pussy!”
"Pussy? Oh...oh how sweet. That's cute. Do you really believe that I'll take offense to that? You have a lot of balls, little child."
You gasp and cover your mouth “Ooo he cussed”
DogDay yells “NOW IS NOT THE TIME ANGEL”
CatNap sniggered and looked down at DogDay. "Oh, you're actually protecting her? Now that's a first for you. I wonder how she'd taste...just a taste would probably do..."
DogDay snarled “Don't you go near her you baste-”
CatNap's arm shot out, wrapping around DogDay's throat. He tightened his grip. "You're protecting a human...after I told you to take her out into that warzone and let her fend for herself...you've always been weak. Always following orders blindly, like a puppet, never thinking for yourself."
“DOGDAY!!!” You screamed
CatNap laugh as DogDay gasped for air. "Ah, yes...you're quite loud..too bad your screams won't reach anyone. But oh. I forgot"
You grabbed a broken pipe nearby, swatting his head forcefully as you could with it, cutting your hands in the proces, DogDay gets dropped to the ground as catnap roars, scrambling away “NOW THAT'S A PUSSY!” You yelled
as CatNap ran off you ran over to DogDay who was coughing like he just smoked ten pounds of weed
“DogDay…are you okay? Are you hurt”
DogDay took several deep breaths as he looked up at you. "I should be asking that to you, doll. Are you okay?" then he gave you a small smirk. "You know...I didn't know how you were capable of swinging that thing with such ease...you remind me of someone. You're a fierce little warrior, aren't you?"
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mitsies · 1 year
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PASS IT FORWARD ! ; itoshi rin > rin is only the jealous type when it comes to you.
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it’s safe to say you’re a little bit annoyed.
you’ve been best friends with itoshi rin for the longest time– years, at this point– and you think it’s time to end your little streak because he’s seriously pissing you off. the both of you are in class right now, and your teacher, an elderly woman with a fierce temper is yammering about geography or whatnot. there’s a test the following week so you’re really trying your damndest to focus on the gibberish she spews, but it’s proving exceedingly difficult when rin won’t stop bugging you.
every two seconds, it seems, he’s sliding another light yellow sticky note with irrelevant and unimportant messages scrawled onto them. the content is stupid, simply saying things like ‘nice weather outside’ even though it was raining outside and ‘what was the math homework’ despite the fact that he’d quite literally given the answers to you an hour earlier at your lunch break.
it’s getting to be a problem. the pile is mounting on your desk– it’s a blend of pale yellow, lime green, and neon pink squares of paper, one that is growing difficult to conceal beneath your notebook. you give rin, who has the desk next to you, a dirty look to try and get him to stop. he reaches over and places another sticky note on your desk. this one is electric blue and says ‘what class do you have after this.’ it’s the last period of the day.
you open your mouth to whisper something, to maybe tell rin to stop or ask him why the hell he’s being so strange, when you catch your teacher’s eyes. she levels you with a withering glare and you snap your mouth closed. if she were to catch the two of you talking, let alone passing notes, you’d surely be sent to detention after school. and you really, really couldn’t risk that– not today of all days. because today, you’ve got a date. 
a tiny smile cracks your face as you grow giddy at simply the prospect– you had a date. today. in an hour. with a person. rin slides another sticky note onto your desk and it snaps you out of your stupor– you send him another look. he is infuriatingly neutral as you return your gaze to the teacher. rin should know better than to risk detention today, especially when you’d been chatting his ears off about this date all week. he’d always replied with his typical placidity and blunt, harsh remarks. he called the guy’s forehead big and told you that you could probably do better, to which you’d rolled your eyes and asked when he was going to get a date. rin didn’t respond to that.
you’d assumed he had nothing left to say, which was decidedly proven false, now, with how many damn sticky notes he kept passing you. you furtively look around before whipping out your phone and shooting him a text:
you: what the fuck r u doing. stop omg i cant miss my date u know this
you: are u like trying to get me in trouble
and he leaves you on read. you look at him, and he’s staring at you. ‘what,’ you mouth, but he just blinks. there’s another sticky note on his finger. he looks at you and then the teacher– you follow his eyes. she’s looking at the class. you and rin are in plain sight. rin looks back at you and you meet his eyes. desperately, but as subtly as you can, you shake your head because you know what he’s about to do– like when a cat just sits and stares at a glass at the edge of a countertop. it feels like a slow-motion video as rin reaches out, sticky note in hand, and you hear your teacher’s ruler smack against the wall with a force you never thought a little old lady could muster.
“the two of you,” she practically bellows, flashing her ruler like a sword in the both of your faces, “detention! after school. this room for an hour.”
she turns back to the board and you unfreeze, slumping back into your seat and running your cold fingertips across your face. frustration bubbles inside you and you let out a breath sharply, pulling your phone out underneath your desk to shoot your date a quick message to cancel last minute. you refused to look at rin, letting your furious thoughts brew like a storm. what had gotten into him? why was he practically sabotaging you? 
you don’t spare him a glance until everyone else walks out the classroom, to irate to bother. your date had been gracious and offered his condolences, and you felt immensely guilty for canceling so last minute, as well as angry at your best friend. the room was basically empty, now, save for you and him. the teacher leaves, stating that the school personnel who’d be watching over the both of you would be here shortly. you sideeye rin.
“nice work.” your words are sharp and serrated and he flinches, a reaction you’ve never seen from him. you blink and turn to face him. he doesn’t say a word, so you ask, “what the hell was that for?”
he can’t meet your eye, and just shrugs, “dunno.”
you’re usually a lot nicer to him– or, at least, when you’re mean it’s always in a joking-besties-i-love-you way. but you lack your typical kindness as you narrow your eyes at him and snark, “if i didn’t know better, i’d think that was on purpose. good thing i know better, right?”
it’s a challenge, and he knows it. you’re asking him if he meant to get you into detention, if he meant to force you to cancel on your date. and his silence is the only response you need.
you groan as you tip your head back to the fluorescent lights and close your yes, pinching the bridge of your nose. “what the fuck, rin? why would you do that?”
he doesn’t reply again and you sit back up, pulling your leg onto your chair and glaring at him. “well? don’t tell me you suddenly have nothing to say. what happened to all the things you had to say to me?”
again, he winces at your bittered tone. a tinge of guilt makes itself apparent in your chest and you turn your head away, to face the window. rain kisses the glass and your eyes track little droplets in their journey down the pane as if they’re race horses. it’s a minute of pure silence before rin speaks: “i didn’t want you to go out with him.”
you snort a laugh and don’t bother looking at him. his voice is small and maybe you’d feel worse for him if you still weren’t kind of miffed. “that much was obvious, i think.”
“you deserved better.” he’s more firm in this statement, like he believes it more. at this, you turn your head and meet his eyes. “but he liked me. he actually liked me. is that not good enough?”
rin looks genuinely mad, moreso than usual, as he returns your scowl. “he’s not fucking special.”
you blink. he blinks. “what?” you ask. rin keeps staring awkwardly, before putting his head down on the desk. “oh my god, stop brooding. what did you just say?”
“nothing,” his voice is muffled by his arms and you stand, chair scraping the floor as it’s moved by your actions. moving over to the side of his desk, you poke his arm. your best friend looks up and his face is pink as he glowers at you. 
a beat passes and he’s about to bury his face in his arms on the desk again but you speak: “what do you mean, ‘he’s not special?’”
rin’s teeth click together as he stares you down. you’d be a little intimidated if you weren’t so familiar with him. “you implied there’s someone else who likes me.”
“okay.”
“so tell me who.”
“no.”
your eyes light up and rin groans– he knows he’s made a mistake now. “so there is someone.”
“okay.”
“stop okay-ing me. who? do i know them?” it’s almost as if your previous gripes are forgotten, just like that, or maybe you just couldn’t be mad at him for too long. as was your friendship with itoshi rin– easy, easier than most things have come to him. you look around the room, checking for the teacher, before hopping up to sit on his desk, effectively shoving him off and preventing further moping. 
maybe that’s one of the reasons rin fell for you. you could be as headstrong as he was, and your personalities just clicked. you made him better, he thinks. you make him soft around the edges, and you make him fuzzy like a mango seed and warm like a spring-turned-summer day. maybe that’s why itoshi rin couldn’t stand it when you had a date with another person. he let his envy get the better of him and acted before he spoke, because he was stupid and headstrong and dumb like you, because you’ve been rubbing off on him. 
he was your best friend. he had been for years. and he wanted more, more with you. the sticky-notes were his last resort. he wasn’t planning on telling you anything, but his words tripped out of his mouth and now he was here.
“are they on your team? are they tall?”
you kick your legs in the air and your heels click against the silver legs of the desk. rin watches. you tilt your head at him, “how close am i?”
“close,” he mutters, trying to find a place to look that isn’t your legs or your face. closer than he’d like to admit.
“isagi? oh, but he’s not very tall,” you muse. and he can’t take it anymore. he can’t, not when you had a date with someone else today, not when you’re listing off guys who could like you, guys who you could like back, guys who were not him. he can’t do this, watching you slip between his fingers and into someone else’s hands. you’re still sitting on his desk when he says, “it’s you.”
“it’s me? like.. are you saying that i like me? i don’t think crushes work like that.”
he shakes his head, letting out a breath, and looking up at you, “no, no. it’s me.”
“you.. like me?”
rin nods and he’s suddenly so tense and his mouth is dry and he feels sick to his stomach, but he keeps going because he needs you to know, and his hand migrates to your thigh as your skin sparks a fire inside his ribcage. “no one else. none of my teammates. it’s me. i like you.”
he sounds angry still, especially so  when he mentions his teammates, and it’s as if he’s clarifying that no one else deserves you, that you’re perfect for him and just him. you stare at him. he’s looking at you. regret sets in: what did he just say? why did he say that? oh, that was embarrassing. oh, you’re going to say no. oh, you’re going to leave forever.
and then you smile. and you laugh. “i wish you’d just said that.”
he doesn’t miss the heat beneath your skin, and he doesn’t miss the way you spin a lock of hair around your fingers and give him the most bashful expression he’s seen you wear. and he’s proud, suddenly, because he did that. not the guy you had a date with, not one of his teammates, not anyone else– he did that.
you look around the room. “the teacher’s not coming, i don’t think.”
rin follows your gaze– it’s very possible that the teacher might just be late. but he’s not about to pass this opportunity. “you’re right.”
“i say we get outta here, then. i was promised a date today, right? i’d rather it be with you.”
rin’s heart stalls, and then stops, and then sprints a fucking marathon in his chest. you grin at him, and he gives you a half-smile as you take his hand off your thigh and hop off the desk, keeping him in your grasp. you move to take your schoolbag in your hands, but he beats you to it, picking it up along with his own. 
“that sounds perfect,” he manages to get out, “that sounds good.”
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✄ this was written for the mitsies 3k follower event using the prompt 'they get you both in detention because they were passing you notes on purpose so you miss your date with someone else'
[⇥3K EVENT MASTERLIST] [⇥3K EVENT INFO]
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mandomaterial · 8 months
Text
Jasper Hale dating headcanons
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- this man is definitely, definitely still very old school, very chivalrous and a western gentle man. Stuff like opening doors, kissing your hand and leading you on his arm is a must.
- This man loves showing and teaching you new things 100%. Oh you’ve never really played baseball?, hell show you exactly how to hold the bat and hit the ball with precision. Hell stand behind yo, his arms wrapped around your body, his hand pressing to to yours as Alice pitched the ball, it came at such speed and you were a little frightened, but he led the movements with ease.
- He definitely takes you to a ranch to show you how to ride a horse, western of course. You’re sitting in front of him on the sturdy leather saddle as he’s handing you the reigns, his ands moving to your waist instead. He’s giving you detailed instructions as he gives the horse a little nudge with his heel. He tells you to softly pull the leather straps in the direction you want to go and the horse follows, he’s definitely praising you every chance he gets.
- He definitely has a thing for keeping you close, always holding your hand, or resting or around your waist, he wont allow you out of his weight until he bids you good night at your window. By the way, he’s definitely no as creepy as Edward by watching you sleep. Jasper definitely respects your space and leaves the second you give him a kiss good night. Thats unless you ask him to stay, then he’ll gladly lay down with you, cuddling you close but making sure that you’re always covered with a blanket so that you wouldn’t freeze while laying in his arms.
- Jasper will show you his battle scars once he’s sure that you’re ready and of course you’re a little shocked, but at least now you know why he always wears long sleeves. He allows you to grace them with your soft warm fingers as you ask questions about them, of course he answers truthfully, having come to terms with them a long time ago. He even tells you about Maria and her army, but what he didn’t expect was that you’d start crying, big round tears rolling over your chest. He coos and takes you into his arms, comforting you and telling you that he’s alright all while you’re whining about the story being unfair and sad, he cant help but smile.
- He definitely introduced himself to your family as on as your relationship got serious, you couldn’t stop him from meeting your father and making himself known in your family. Unexpectedly, your father actually liked him, he could tell that he wasn’t just going to keep you round short term but that he’d planned his future around you, going as far as to ask your father for his approval of the relationship.
- Jasper definitely knows how to play the guitar, i mean, he’s a cowboy? Hell play anything and everything for you, in his room , at the beach, in school or anywhere you want. He’ll definitely attempt to teach you at least a few songs so that the two if you could duet, but he soon finds that you rather enjoy watching him instead of playing yourself, swaying softly to the tunes and humming along.
- Jasper defiantly takes it slow with you, just like a true old-school gentle man. He’ll kiss your hand whenever he picks you up and he’ll drive you to a secluded romantic spot, the beach for example, hell sit down with you and just bask in your presence, he’ll kiss you, sure, smiling every second and laughing with you at the awkwardness, only to kiss you again. He really does love you.
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luvrxbunny · 6 months
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hii sorry to bother you im just gonna request something for ethan landry idk if youve written for him before i havent seen. but im legit obsessed and can you do something about like him being in econ and then getting all flustered from reader sitting next to him and just talking and then after that idk you can make something up hahaha but they go to like readers dorm and SmUt and hes all whiny and subby and maybe mommy kink goirhetlghrtglrhtg :))) dhbckudhfxkd
can you tell im going a bit insane for this guy
if you cant do it its okay also i love your work so much it gets me shuddering like legit
Thank you so so much for requesting! Unfortunately, I have no clue who this character is, (i literally thought he was evan peter's character in ahs before this) so I’m sorry if anything isn’t character-consistent!
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Pairing: Ethan Landry x F!Reader
Summary: You find out that Ethan has a little crush on you.  
Warnings: 18+ MDNI, some dry humping, handjob, overstimulation, f!mastrubation, mommy kink (lmk if I forgot anything)
WC: 4.3k
A/N: idk how this got so fucking long idek this guy. also y'all see the compliments in the request?? flattery will get you very far w me
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You walk in just as the bell rings, breathing a sigh of relief as you sit down and the professor begins his mind-numbing lecture. You place your bag on the ground and get out all the supplies you’ll need for this god-awful class. 
You’ve finished setting everything up when you realize that you’ve sat down next to someone. You try and see who it is through the peripherals of your vision, hoping you didn’t just sit next to some random person when you realize it’s him.
You’ve been going to school with Ethan for a few years now. He’s always been pretty quiet so he doesn’t have many friends. You guys are friendly, a level a bit higher than acquaintances because you’ve known each other for so long but you don’t really talk that often. You developed a crush on him back in high school. It never grew into anything more because you could never seem to hold a conversation with him... But it never fully left either because he’s still adorable.
You were shocked when you saw him in class on the first day, unable to believe that you were lucky enough to end up with him in the same class, at the same college. You try to talk to him more when you both are paired up in class but he’s not the best conversationalist. 
“Oh! Hey, Ethan! I didn’t even realize you were sitting here!” You try and be extra friendly, knowing how hard it is for him to communicate with others but you’re still met with silence. “Uh- I was almost late again! Did you see me? I got here like- just in time. Maybe I should start walking with you, you’re always on time!” You open your notebook and start taking down the notes on the board as you speak. 
Ethan is still silent. It’s getting a bit rude at this point. You thought the two of you were friendly but maybe he just doesn’t like you at all. You turn to look at him, hoping you’d get an explanation but all you’re met with is his alarmingly red face, fixated on the board. Your eyebrows furrow in confusion. He has sweat lining his hairline and his back is unnaturally straight. “Hey… Are you okay? Are you sick?” Your voice is laced with concern as you speak, hoping this is the one thing he responds to. 
Ethan is trying so hard to act normal, be normal around you but he can’t. It would’ve been fine if you just hadn’t spoken to him. He could’ve easily pretended you weren’t there if he also ignored the smell of your perfume that was all but suffocating him with its ungodly sweet scent.
He’s been hard since you walked in, he always is. He can’t even help it at this point, he doesn’t try. In every class you’re in, his blood is in his dick. He used to try and prevent it, feeling like a pervert for being turned on at nothing but your presence but he’s given up. No one ever notices and he can just get off in the bathroom during lunch if he’s desperate enough. Only this time you’re sitting next to him.
He’s already leaking in his pants. 
To make it worse you were being so nice to him, too nice, and now you’re concerned about his health? Not even realizing that you’re the one who’s got him so hot, not a fever. 
“I’m- I’m fine. Thank you.” His voice is entirely flat as he speaks, trying to keep all emotion out of it in fear that you’ll be able to decipher what they mean. He doesn’t look at you, he’s scared he might cum on the spot if he does. 
You take these as signs of dishonesty. “Ethan… Are you sure?” You bring a hand up to feel his cheek, you’re so zoned into whether his skin is too warm or not, that you don't even notice when his eyes dart to your face. You move your hand to his forehead, deciding that his cheek isn’t reliable enough and your eyes meet his. 
You can hear his breath hitch at the eye contact and breaks it. It confuses you for a moment but you try and focus on the task at hand. “I don’t know, you feel kinda warm, Ethan. I don’t know if there’s a nurse on campus but we can check? I’d assume that-” 
His chest warms at your concern and he thinks it over. 
I can spend more time with her this way, and get to know her better. Can I handle spending all that time with her though? What if she notices my- Yeah. Maybe I just shouldn’t…
“Madame Late Pass?” Your eyes are already rolling into your head and you’re groaning quietly as the professor calls you out. You pull your hand away from Ethan’s face and give him the most distasteful stare you can manage. “Is there something wrong with Mr. Landry that’s distracting you from my lesson?”
“Actually sir, I think he might have a fever or something. I should probably take him to the nurse.” It’s an obvious excuse to skip his class but it isn’t technically a lie so he lets it go. You quickly pack your things up with a smile and motion for Ethan to do the same. 
You hold in your giggles until you guys are outside the classroom. “Okay! Do you wanna go to the nurse? We don’t have to- I don’t even know where it is, honestly.” Ethan is facing away from you, silent. 
Anxiety creeps in. “Hey. S- Sorry if you didn’t want to leave class. I- You could probably head back in a little bit… I should’ve asked I’m sorry. I just assumed. I mean wh- who likes econ y’know? I’m- I’m sorry.”
Your stuttering has his blushing even harder, the thought that anything he does could get any reaction out of you makes him smile. “I’m fine and I-” He lets out a light laugh that gives you butterflies “I kinda hate econ.” 
You place yourself in front of him with a huge smile. “Great! So do I, this will be great!” You lock your arms with his, a risky move, it has your heart pounding as he stiffens up with a sharp inhale but he never pulls away. You guys stroll down the corridors and talk. You have to slow your pace to keep up with Ethan and you’re doing most of the talking but you don’t mind one bit. 
You guys stop at the cafeteria for snacks and Ethan gently insists on paying, bringing the butterflies back to life and forcing a smile to your face as you thank him. You’re both sitting in a corner booth, away from most people, you’re talking and he’s squirming. 
Every few minutes he repositions himself and it was starting to get on your nerves a bit. It felt like he was uncomfortable being here, or that he was anxious for you to stop talking. You ended your story early, letting your voice die down, waiting for him to move again before questioning him. “Why are you so squirmy.?” 
He stops his movements instantly, and his eyes hesitantly look up to meet yours. “I’m not squirming.” He watches your feature turn into one of complete skepticism. “Ethan. I have eyes. If you want me to like… be quiet, or talk less or anything you can just say that. I won’t get offended or anything, I know I talk a lot.” You giggle at the end, Ethan twitches in his pants and has to suppress a whimper at the sound. 
“You’re not talking too much. You’re fine, it’s okay.” He’s struggling not to press his palm into his bulge again, needing any relief after being hard for almost half an hour now. Everything you do is making it worse and he doesn’t know how to escape the situation. 
The way you keep touching him is deadly. The way you linked arms with him when walking, the way you rubbed his back and thanked him as he paid and even now, the way you’ve placed your feet right next to his under the table, something about the action has his precum soaking through his jeans.
He doesn’t notice that you finished your food already and you’re now getting up and gathering the trash. He doesn’t have time to tell you he can do it himself before you’re crossing to his side. “I can take this for-” 
His hands cover his lap but you’re already staring. He doesn’t say anything, hoping that you’re staring at his crotch for a reason other than the fact he’s hard as a rock and soaking his pants. Your head tilts in confusion before you sit down, right next to him. Your scent wraps all around him like a blanket, his eyes fall shut as he breathes in your scent, his hands subconsciously massaging his dick gently. You feel the butterflies in your stomach turn to molten lava as you watch him. 
His breathing hitches as his hands stop moving and his eyes snap open. “I’m s- I’m so sorry. I’ll-” He’s gathering the abandoned trash and getting up but you place your hand on his arm softly and pull him back down. 
“You have nothing to be sorry about, Ethan. Although I’d like to know it’s um- origin.” Your heart is racing at the thought that you were the one to make him this hard, that you- just going about your day- could make him this hard. He answers you without saying anything, his face turns piping red again and he looks away. That does it. 
“Ethan, do you wanna come back to my dorm? I have something to… show you.” 
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He’s following close behind you, his shirt pulled down over his crotch and one hand in yours. You’re basically dragging him into your dorm, pressing him into the door the second he closes it. You’re leaning into him, your hands on his chest as his float awkwardly above your hips. 
“I wanna kiss you, Ethan.” He gasps sweetly at your words and leans into you instantly. 
His lips are soft and wet when they meet yours. You whine into his mouth, he moans loudly into yours in response and pulls away. “S- sorry.” His eyes are downcast and he sounds embarrassed. You couldn’t be more confused. 
“What?” You run your hands up his arms, over his shoulders, and to the back of his neck so you can play with his curls. His eyelids flutter at the action and you watch his adam’s apple jump before he speaks. 
“I don’t know. I was- I was loud. I didn’t mean to be…” You can’t help yourself. You smash his lips back into yours, forcing a beautiful moan out of his mouth, followed by a whine before you pull back. “I want you to be loud, Ethan.” 
You whisper the words to him, low and seductive. A little whimper slips out of his mouth and you kiss him again, walking backward towards your bed and he’s stumbling like Bambi as you do. 
His hands are finally on you, wrapped around your waist, trying to pull you in. You maneuver him around to push him onto the bed and straddle him. He’s moaning the moment your weight drops onto him, his hips bucking up into yours against his will and he’s apologizing again. 
You silence him with your lips, attacking his neck, and melting his words into groans and whines. You lift your weight off him, pushing onto your knees and cooing at how he whimpers and tries to follow you with his hips. You push him down to the bed, laying him out for you to admire. You run your hands down his arms, over and down his chest to the bottom of his shirt. Your eyes leave his body to check if he’s okay with this but his head is thrown back, pressing into your pillows with his knuckle between his teeth. 
“Ethan? Are you okay, honey?” A ragged half moan, half sob, shoots from his mouth as his hand leaves his mouth, gripping your arm desperately. He’s still not looking at you and his hands are shaking as they grip you.
“I-It feels s- so fucking g- good. You’re ma-aking me feel so good.” He’s incredibly breathless as his hips grind up into the air, searching for your warmth. You can feel heat explode in your stomach at his words, at his desperation from you just kissing and running your hands over his body. 
You drop your weight back onto him for a moment, to tease him and relieve yourself a bit. He rewards you with a shuddering gasp and his hands come to grip your hips as hard as they could. He can’t even get any words out as your clothed pussy slides over his sensitive cock. Your eyes are shut tight in concentration as you try not to make any noise, wanting to hear his noises instead. You grow a bit frantic in your movements, grinding on him harder, angling yourself a million different ways to try and get the perfect pressure on your clit when you feel his hand on your cheek. 
Your eyes snap open- you hadn’t even realized you closed them- and he’s pulling your lip from between your teeth with hooded eyes on you and a shy smile on his lips. “I wanna hear you too.” His voice is timid and breathy and you can tell he’s being genuine in what he says but all it does is turn you on even more. 
You moan as you dive for his lips, his hips follow yours up and his hand presses your head into his. He’s thrusting into you more forcefully, determined to cum against you but you lift your hips away from his again with a moan as he separates from your lips. “Why? I was- I don’t understand.”
He sounds like he could cry and his hips are still searching for any friction as you watch him, looking into his eyes and admiring all the emotion they hold. You can’t help the smirk that splits your face as he begins to whine for you, begging you to touch him, to make him feel good but instead, you fully remove yourself from him. You sit beside him and tell him to remove his pants, and he excitedly complies. He’s trembling beside you as you stare at the bulge in his briefs, in love with the way he’s leaking through the fabric. “Would it be okay if I touched you, Ethan?” 
You’re fixated on his bulge but you still hear the way his breathing picks up at your question. You crawl in front of him, your thighs laying over his, sitting between his spread legs with your pussy inches from his throbbing cock. Your hands run along his pelvis, tickling the skin just above the band of his underwear, and smiling at the way his stomach tenses under your minstrations. “P- Yes, please. Please- Oh-” 
He gasps prettily as you stick your hands into his underwear and pull his cock out. He hisses when it hits the cold air but falls into a moan as you start pumping him, wasting no time in getting him the pleasure he deserves.
“So. You got hard because..?” You prompt him, wanting to hear the real reason, and deciding this would be the perfect time to tease him. You’re not even sure he heard you, his eyes are still wide and staring at your hand as it glides up and down his cock, extra lubricated from all the precum his dick is spewing for you. 
You watch his face contort in pleasure, his head falling back as his eyes roll back and he begins to whine out your name on repeat. His hands start to shake and grip the sheets tighter, twisting the fabric in his fist before shouting out. “NO-”
You stopped. “Why are you- Why did you s- stop again? I was so- I was so c- close, I was gonna cum-” His voice pitches up at the end into a whine and he tries to fuck himself into your fist. You giggle at him.
“I asked you a question, baby.” He gives you a bitten-off groan at that. “You didn’t answer, which was quite rude but you do that all the time huh?” Your fingers run delicately over his length, watching it twitch as he struggles to respond. “I- don’t m-mean to.” You start jerking him off again, slowly. 
“You- You’re so pretty, I lo- I like y- you so- shit. I can’t speak- you turn me o-on.” He’s barely making sense as his hips fuck into your fist, trying to force you to get him off faster. He keeps cutting himself off with moans and debauched groans. His whole face is red, it’s spread down to his neck and up his ears too.
“I turn you on? That’s why you ignore me?” You stop again, your hand frozen in the middle of his dick. A broken wail shoots from him and his hands shoot up from the sheets to your face, pulling you in for a kiss. He’s licking up and into your mouth while letting his moans spill from his lips into yours. You’re shocked at the desperation and force of the kiss, your lips bruising themselves against his. He’s pulling at your hair gently and moaning as your tongue brushes along the inside his mouth. He pulls back and falls to your neck, whimpering quietly. 
“I can’t think- You make me so- I get so hot around you, mommy.” 
Your heart stops, every molecule in your body getting overrun with arousal at the words- at the name that just left his mouth. He’s pressing kisses into your neck and explaining himself further, as though he’s called you this before, like this is a normal thing between the two of you.
“-And everything about you just makes it so much worse. I just wanna cum for you, I want you to make m- me cum but you keep s-stopping and it hurts so much. I- please, I want you so bad, mommy.” He gasps at the end of his sentence that time and pulls his head out of your neck. 
His lips are wet , soft, and trembling, his eyes are terrified as they scan your face trying to decipher your reaction. He’s breathing fast, in a more panicked way at your silence. “I’m so sor-”
“So you want mommy to make you cum, baby?” His eyes widen with a gentle gasp but he keeps scanning your face, looking for anything that doesn’t feel genuine. His eyes lose focus though, as you begin to stroke his cock again. “I think I can do that… What do you think?” 
He’s nodding at you deliriously as his hips begin to roll themselves into your fist, his hand slides over the sheets until it finds yours and interlocks your fingers, causing warmth to bloom in your chest and stomach. You lean in to kiss his cheek as he moans your name but he turns his head so you catch his lips instead, his moans filling your mouth again. He’s barely kissing you, more like pressing his open mouth against yours, exchanging his breaths for yours as you smile at him. “That feels good, baby?”
His eyes open to meet yours and instantly roll back into his head. “Y- Mommy, don’t stop. Oh- You know it d- does. Please.” He’s interrupting with his own sounds again and his hand is wrapping around your waist, trying to pull your body closer to his. His moans are becoming more frantic and he keeps taking deep, stuttering, breaths in an attempt to calm himself down.
His bottom lip is being bitten red by his teeth, his eyelids are fluttering, struggling not to let his eyes close and roll to the back of his head. You can see his thighs tensing and jumping beside you, they press against your body, tense and stiff as his legs try to shut. 
“So cl- Mommy, I’m so- s-so- please. Oh, fuck.” His eyes snap open to meet yours pathetically. There are little tears that have gathered in his eyes and he looks so out of it, fucked out beyond belief, his head far up in the clouds. “Please don’t stop. Let-” You tilt your head at him as he collapses into a trembling sob, his hands beginning to shake where they hold you, his eyes shut again, and his eyebrows press up into each other. “Let me cum for you, let me cum f- for.”
His sentence is ruined by his orgasm and you can feel the force of it. Not by the way he all but screams your name, or by the way his body folds into yours. You can physically feel it. His cock pulses aggressively in your hand and you can feel each rope of cum work its way up his shaft and spurt out of his tip, running down your knuckles and dripping onto your bed. 
His thighs are trembling at your sides, trying to crush you as he humps your fist the best he can. He’s so loud against your neck, releasing passionate shrieks and wanton whines of your real name or your awarded one. He brings a sweaty hand to your cheek and pushes your face in his direction so he can smother your lips in his saliva, not waiting until he’s connected to your lips to start trying to taste you. You have to suppress a fond giggle at the action, letting him lick into your mouth instead. 
You’re still pumping him, trying to get out all the cum that’s been collecting in his dormant sac. His whole body is shaking now, repeated and choked moans falling into you as he crosses the line of overstimulation. You kiss him languidly and start to slow your hand, not wanting to overwhelm him too much. His fingers untangle from your hand and wrap around your other. 
He pulls away from the kiss and looks at you with hooded, clouded eyes. “I can c-cum again if-” 
He uses his hand to run yours over his shaft, jerking himself off with your hand. “If we- Can we k-keep going?” His eyes begin to cross as your hand establishes a rhythm, you’re not even doing anything, letting him get himself off with your hand. His hips are thrusting up erratically as he moves you frantically over his cock. “I wanna cum f- cum for you a-again.” 
Overcome with arousal, you slide your hand into your pants and start toying with your clit through your panties, your eyes falling shut at the pleasure. You’re already impossibly close, overly sensitive from all the neglect while being pummeled with stimulants; the way Ethan is reacting to you, his trembling body desperately pressing itself against yours, his moans, and the way he calls you mommy.
You hear his moans pick up and your eyes open back up to see his gaze between your legs before snapping up to meet yours. He stops pumping himself with your hand in favor of placing his hand over the one that rests inside your pants. He’s moving his hand in the same motions you are while you start jerking him off again, relishing in the way he’s twitching against your palm.
Ethan knows he isn’t doing anything, he knows that he’s not actually touching you but the way you moan his name makes him feel otherwise. The way you’ll moan at your own movements while his hand moves the same way, has him tricking himself into believing he’s the one making you feel good. The thought has him teetering- tipping over the edge. 
“Gonna cum.” He mumbles against your lips before dropping his head to your shoulder. You move your fingers faster over your clit, your hips beginning to cant up into your hand as your orgasm approaches. 
"Me too, honey. Fuck it feels so good, Ethan.” He moans brokenly as he cums again, thrusting weakly into your hand as his cock twitches pathetically, letting out tiny streams of cum onto your sheets. He’s gasping out a plea into your neck as he cums but you can’t make out what it is.
“-please. Oh, please. Cum, mommy. Cum. C-cum. Please cum. Fu-uck” You can’t help the way your body convulses against him or the shouting moan of his name that shoots out of your mouth as your eyes roll back. You can feel yourself soaking your panties as you shudder against him. His hand is still over yours, moving your finger over your clit in the midst of your orgasm, prolonging it as long as he can before you’re pulling your hand away and kissing him as passionately as you can. 
Both of you have your arms wrapped around the other as you guys kiss, dopey smiles on both of your faces when you pull back. He has a shy blush over his features that makes you giggle and press a kiss on the tip of his nose. You’re both lost in the moment, giggling and kissing each other, love-struck when you hear your dorm room open. “Oh god, what’s that smell?”
You hear your dormmate behind you and cover Ethan as best you can, with your body. “Sidney, fuck off!” You shout at her, hoping she’ll get the memo and leave but instead, you hear her speak again. 
“What?.. Oh eww.” You roll your eyes at her and look at Ethan, his face is red, obviously embarrassed at the presence in the doorway. 
“Oh my god! Shut up and just leave!” She finally leaves and you apologize to Ethan for the interruption. You kiss softly along his jawline and down his neck to calm him down, you fall for him the moment you pull away.
You get to see- for a moment- the face he had while you were kissing him, content and pleased, his eyes shut with a pretty little smile resting on his lips. 
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Thank you so much for reading! and thank you even more for requesting!! Please please please give any feedback you may have! I want it all!
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mxdotpng · 2 years
Text
rejuv is so so mean to my little guy theyre so mean to him
#.text#pkmn#MILO.... cries sobs throws up dies explodes#he ... h.. he...#he really wanted to take his friends to unova....... he wanted to show them his home..... and now...#im gonna be SICK. ive been thinking abt this for days. but now the happy setting of him laying in his dorm with aelita and melia#talking about how he wants to show everyone his home and castelia and driftveil and opelucid and nimbasa and. and. and.#cries. now all i can think about is him sitting alone telling them how much he wanted go go with them but cant even show his face in#his home town anymore.... hes supposed to be dead...... they buried a body and everything...#he grew up in icirrus so he COULD go back to unova as long as he avoided home.... but whats the point of doing that....#milo and venam pitched together to get melia a new camera for her birthday. they put rens name on the card too.#and now i think its everyone elses turn to figure out how to cheer him up. i think theyd end up planning the vacation anyway#esp ren and venam. and aelita too i think. melia is a little hesitant but she joins in quick. and so does erin i think#(of course with the faux statement of 'ive always wanted to go there anyway'. shes lying shes doing it for milo.)#ren and venam hiding in ren's room furiously writing down Potential Travel Plans and Notes. half of it is literally just#'step one: get milo onto a boat. step two: take him to unova.' bc neither of them have any braincells when put together#but then melia finds them and she joins in and they get a little bit of a plan going#and then aelita brings everyone together like. 'i know milo said no but i think we should go to unova anyway. as a surprise'#and then erin joins in and maybe later huey and lavender do too. they cant go the entire time bc of school but they take a weekend off#and. and. and. erin voice. if we kidnap milo and put him on the boat this will work out just fine. no need to trick him.#and melia's like. .....erin. why dont wr just tell amber and tesla. theyll understand. im pretty sure theyll even help us.#milo's new found family dragging him to a boat under the guise of going to one of the regions islands for business#and then realizing the next day theyre taking them to unova. initial happiness and then panic and then happiness again#im going to cry i miss them i love them i. cries sobs screams. i.... i...#im so normal. im so so so normal#<- is SOOOOO normal#(<- is a liar)
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inpraizeof · 10 months
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May I please request a Han Lue x Reader where the reader is cynical about love and sex due to bad experiences and keeps rejecting his advances despite having a crush on him?
let the light in
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han lue x reader
synopsis: it was the fear that held you back, and yet he was ready to shoulder it all for you
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you were exhausted.
it showed in the way your body nearly folded in on itself when you crashed onto the couch, nearly falling into neela.
you smiled up at her, “sorry neels.” you cleared your throat, closing your eyes as you tried to take a short catnap. any minute now, there would be a swarm of school teenagers and gangsters asking for you to ‘check their car out’, which was just an excuse to see you bent over their hood. even if you were a proven mechanic with your own car that could dust anyone in a race, you were always just a piece of meat to them.
“what’s wrong? i see you here all the time, maybe you should get out more.” neela stared out into the garage and nudged you, “could it maybe be a man, keeping you up at night?” you opened your eyes, nudging her back with a laugh, “no, i sleep enough actually.” you followed her line of vision and rolled your eyes, “and can we not talk about it? it’s really-“ you began to wave a hand as neela perked up, “no! i want to talk about it, y/n-“
the arguing between you fell onto deaf ears, as neither of you had heard what the other had said. instead it just ended with the two of you in a staring competition, and han walking over.
“ladies.” he greeted you both, breaking the contact, you looked up to smile at him, the fuzzy feeling of seeing him had returned and your face softened, “han. how are you?”
han smirked, the crinkling of a chip bag in his hands, he threw one in his mouth, “better. now that you’re here.” he said it so casually you almost missed it. but by the time you could react, he was already a few feet away, peering at a car.
you rolled your eyes, ignoring the blush that crept on your face, you grabbed one of the couch cushions and smoothed it down, hoping the blush would go away.
neela scoffed, “he’s literally in love with you. when will you stop punishing yourself?” her exasperation was evident and you hissed, “neela- just drop it? han sees me like all the other men in here. just something to fuck.” you stood up, the cushion being thrown where you had been sitting.
han noticed you walking off, even caught the end of your little fight with the couch cushion. he excused himself from the crowd and followed you as you walked towards one of the emptier sides of the garage.
this side was your unassigned workstation. your car was always parked in it, tools and tool boxes scattered, not to mention the hundreds of illegal parts and modifications sitting out on the counters. he wasn’t even phased to see tools in your hand, down in the hood of your car.
“y/n.” he called out to you, and he could’ve sworn he saw you jump. he walked closer, watching as you turned to face him, with a slight smile, “what’s up?” normally han let you work, he knew you needed to focus whenever you did, so this was new.
“i saw what happened. is something wrong?” he seemed genuinely curious and you shrugged, “everything’s fine.” you looked down, “just don’t worry about it, alright?”
han shrugged, “it’s not in my nature to just let things go. especially when it comes to people i care about.” his gaze was serious, steady, almost as if he was telling you he wasn’t going anywhere.
“i shouldn’t be one of those people, han. and you know that.” you crossed your arms, face getting hot as you tried to look away.
han got closer, his hips touched yours and your breath hitched, “i cant- we cant.” you panted, closing your eyes as his nose swept over the planes of your face, “i know.” he whispered, “but what i said was true-“ you inhaled, “i-“ you pulled back upon seeing twinkie, his face was as if he had seen a ghost. han turned around, seeing twinkie. he pulled back and you cursed silently, “im just gonna head home early, if that’s alright.” you were already moving to the drivers side of the car as han nodded, a pained expression on his face as he walked off, clearly pissed off.
twinkie didn’t know what to make of what he saw. you and han, standing so close to each other, that he just knew you two had something going on.
“-no two people stand that close unless they’ve done it!” he explained his observation to neela and sean, who were nodding intently. neela knew part of what happened, but she would never know the truth because you always shot it down. sean didn’t even know you had feelings for han.
twinkie and his friends exploded into chatter until han walked by, a sharp gaze shot at twinkie as he continued on. twinkie stopped his chatter about what he saw, and realized if he had down the wrong thing.
it had been one week.
one full week since you had returned to the garage. you had over a hundred calls from a bunch of people who ‘expected to see you there’, voicemails detailing so. you had taken to bed to mourn something you would never have.
just getting a taste had left you feeling worthless, undeserving and pitiful. it also left you feeling lust for more, the lust for love..
you stopped all the thoughts about han the second you got home. you tried not to let it bother you, there had been a few words exchanged but other than that, you had been trying to move on.
but what happened, the feeling of him against you had left you reeling, your mind playing back that night like a movie in your head.
“fuck..” your voice broke as not even your hand could bring you to the state of bliss like he did. all your failed dates, failed attempts to forget him had only made you want him more.
it was late. almost too late, and han was in bed.
this wasn’t his usual. usually, he would be down in one of the rooms, partying and drinking the night away. but ever since he met you, he had stopped the all the drugs, the alcohol and the overindulgence in women. all his friends had told him that he must’ve met someone, but he’d always brush them off, say that he was trying to grow up.
his phone never rung this late either.
“hello?” han’s voice, heavy with sleep had answered. you felt a chill run down your spine and you contemplated hanging up, but knowing han, he’d only call back.
“han? i miss you.” you struggled to get those last words out. you had heard his breathing in between your sentence, almost as if he was impatient to hear you speak, like your words were his breath, his oxygen.
“i was hoping you did. haven’t seen you in a week, baby.” had he not said baby, this call surely would’ve ended differently, but that baby was the only green light you needed.
“how fast can you get here?”
learn to never say those rules to a street racer.
han had been at your doorstep within minutes. you opened the door with surprise, “my apartment is literally across the city.” you referenced the distance from his garage and han laughed, “you act like i don’t have cars that can race around the entire country in that time.”
he walked in, and immediately pulled you into his arms, kissing you roughly. you could taste the faint lingering of potato chips on his lips, but that only made you want him more.
han had picked you up, throwing you up against the door, “we can’t- we can’t-“ your words sounded almost like a chant and han stopped, setting you down, he stepped away from you.
you swallowed thickly, regret about the whole thing had washed over you, and now you looked over expectantly at han, as if you were readying yourslef for his outburst.
but it was silence instead.
and perhaps that felt worse.
“don’t you think to yourself that maybe what i’ve been doing, what i’ve said, that my intentions were pure?” han had been trying to get through to you for a while now, but you had refused to believe him.
“god- y/n! y/n! stop fucking crying.” he bent down to you, bringing your face up to his, “i love you. i love you so much that even though you break my heart everytime you say those things, i still can’t help but love you.”
you stared at him, and blinked back tears, “i love you, i’ve loved you since the day you hired me. i’ve loved you when i had to pick you up off the floor, drunk and messed up but i loved you. i loved you even when i knew i didn’t deserve you.” you sniffled. han kissed you, a silent comfort instead of the constant shouting you were used to.
“i think we both don’t deserve each other. we’re too bad.” he kissed your forehead and you laughed, snuggling into his side as he sat down next to you.
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