#so maybe it’ll be worth it

[fishing-lesbian-catgirl]

.

#still not really sure why I have so many followers #but if my spam reblogging of criminally under appreciated artists can get them some of the attention they deserve then maybe it’ll be worth #I say that like I’m making a sacrifice by having followers. that’s not what I meant #I try to bridge the gap between really cool artists and the people that follow me for some reason #that’s all I mean

[fellhellion]

#feel free to reblog the meme if u like lmao #just leave the tags out #vent.txt #<- sorry just need to have a moment lmao #inflicted w the yearnings for romantic relationship yet again 😞 but so keenly aware of how much I’d have to unpack in myself to truly be a #part of it #like. I don’t trust people. I don’t confide in people. I tell them nothing about myself for years and years and I used to resent a little #that that was enough for them. that they didn’t NEED to know. that me loving and caring for them was enough. but it’s so silly because like #how can you resent people for not knowing what you won’t tell them. so thankfully THAT has passed #but it’s just like. there are so many issues. like I just CANNOT conceptualise myself as romantically attracted #attractive* #not even in a self deprecating sense it just feels like an immutable fact. I can’t imagine someone looking at me w romantic desire. #and it’s like. I honestly don’t know if I could let my walls down enough to actively love someone back like that #it’s so easy to love from afar. and hell haha maybe THATS because it’ll always be easier to love someone when they can’t know all of you to #love in return #but I just don’t know how I can do it. I don’t know how to view the risk as being worth it #and at the end of the day I’ll be okay if romantic love isn’t in the cards for me. you can live a happy life without #but ah fuck. sometimes the but I am so lonely.jpg hits

[helv-ete]

The siblings ever

+some doodles bc it’s pride month

#omg i actually drew something #im starting a German program tomorrow that I’m either at or traveling to from 5:30 am to 6pm every day for the rest of the summer #so don’t expect it to happen again any time soon #but I’ll go into junior year of hs w 14 college credits so it’ll be worth it in the end #hetalia #hetalia fanart #aph netherlands #hws netherlands #aph belgium #hws belgium #or maybe I’ll be inspired from talking abt Germany all day everyday and I’ll post smth #who knows #also the first two are referring to that Barbie movie promo btw #that movie looks like an absolute banger I can’t wait to see it #i didnt put not a ship in here when I posted this for some reason but #NOT A SHIP #my art

[goldenhypen]

i randomly found my old blog again and WOW ,,,, TELL ME WHY IM SAD i even stalked my old moots’ blogs too and i- 😭 the way so many things have changed since then :(

#it’s getting close to 5 years i’ve started writing fanfiction which is kinda crazy how time FLEW BY #it’s like reminiscing or looking back at old pictures #we’ve come a long way yall 🥲 #NO BUT DONT EVEN BOTHER LOOKING FOR THAT BLOG #WE DONT TALK ABOUT HER #and smth that scares me is that at least one of my old moots from that blog follows me on here so #like every time i see her in my notifs i freak out wondering if she knows it’s me 😭 #i abandoned that place and ran away for no reason 😭 #and ik to never make that mistake again 🫡 #but idk why going through my old blog makes me wanna transform this one or make a side blog #i think i’ve just been rlly wanting to start writing for other groups in addition to enha again #if i do tho it’ll v likely be on a new blog #cuz ik a lot of my followers only look for enha content on here #and that’s ok w me #ahhh i feel sad for some reason 😭 #maybe that’s cuz it’s 1:30 am rn 😐 #and this is the time of the day i get more emotional so 🧍🏻‍♀️ #no but pls don’t search for my old blog 😭🙏🏻 #i think if you search hard enough you’ll be able to tell it’s me #but it’ll be a hard task that’s not worth taking on i can promise you that #but hmmm thoughts are thinking rn #em speaks

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

being sick as an adult sucks. wdym my mom won’t just automatically make sure I eat food instead of exclusively drinking Gatorade all day. wdym I have to ask my roommates to make me dinner. I have to Venmo a friend money to buy me more Gatorade?? I can’t focus enough to do homework??? I hate this.

#this is a silly haha humor post but in all seriousness. #COVID rly is just making me stare all the internalized ableism in the eye #yes worth isnt defined by productivity and disability and the idea of being a burden is part of being human and isn’t shameful at all #until I have to minorly inconvenience people to meet my basic needs #I really want to eat dinner but that would require asking my roommates to make me dinner which is just. 5 kinda of mortifying. #even though if someone I knew was sick I would not be upset about making them food! sick people need to eat! #my parents ordered me chipotle yesterday bc they were so concerned bc of how I sounded over the phone #and my friend went out and bought me juice and Gatorade and popsicles and took me to the doctor #the support system Exists I just feel bad about having to use it T-T #I just want to be hugged and read to and reminded to eat food but I am an adult now and not at home #lonely TT-TT #it’ll be okay I’m probably just emotional bc I’m sick and hungry #I also just am struggling so hard because I want to catch up on my classwork Right Now #but I can get through maybe one assignment before I’m too exhausted to keep sitting up #and I have to lay down and close my eyes and sleep or do a light activity like playing candy crush for the fifty bazillionth time #I’ve gotten through like. 100 levels this week. #I’m losing my dang marbles. I am gonna be so behind in ASL Susan is gonna be so disappointed in me #I feel like I have all this energy when I’m laying down bored but as soon as I sit up I feel like I’m floating and about to fall over #so. so tired. why can’t I be healthy already and do homework T-T. #I’m choosing to take this as a lesson to slow down and not overwork myself so hard. instead of being mad at myself for getting behind. #<- is trying and failing not to be mad at herself for getting behind

[aheathen-conceivably]

Okay forget about my crush on Jo, Valcita has my undying love now. I'm sorry Jo but I see a masculine woman and all thoughts are gone. Anyways, I love Jo's new look! Ah and a restaurant? Everything she deserves ugh this save is so fluffy! I'm going to be in a world of pain for when we go back to the 1930s ❤️ - LGL

Gasp! A new lesbian has appeared on the scene and it’s your moment to prove that namesake correct yet again 😌

But come, come, dearest LGL, let’s sit…

The time of your beloved AU happy fluffy time may come to an end faster than I had initially planned. The 1930s now has me in an absolute death grip. I cannot stop thinking about it or writing for it, so alas, many of my plans in the AU have been dashed (including your beloved Rosella but I hope my new offering of Valcita can make up for it).

I still plan to reach the end of this arc in the modern day, mostly because it’s begun to bleed into our historical universe, and there are multiple strings to connect before we move on back into the world of pain. I did warn you after all that there was no determining how long we’d stay there for 😉

#perhaps I’ll drop a photo of modern rosella at the end of it all for you #because I gave her a full makeover and had plans to bring her and zelda on vacay #which like I still wanna do but y’all I am not kidding no thoughts head 1930s #it’ll even be a struggle to finish the modern arc but it will be worth it 😌 #also hi hello I also have a crush on Valcita obviously #but she can’t sway me from Jo so easily my first and forever number one love #well…maybe number two cause y’all know I have a thing for Antoine #*cries in bisexual Duplanchier sibling panic* #that’s enough of this episode of a heathen reacts to #Nonny reacts #gif warning #gif aside I love Frankie that is all

[hgduo]

😵‍💫

#adding the animations back to the model I’m using in the qsmpblr server #I’m probably not doing it very efficiently but I think I’m starting to get the hang of things #it’ll be so worth it in the end… hopefully- maybe I’ll even add more animations if I feel up to it #this isn’t my model btw I bought it- it’s naturepets: sprout Rex version #but the animations didn’t transfer into the character program so that’s why I’m manually adding them #I’ve never worked with 3D models before like this but it’s pretty neat! #… but also stressful lol #also bonus Atlas in this photo ^_^

[twinktosterone]

having two tongues is so sexy

#this is a gender thing for some reason #been wanting a split tongue basically since i first got a smartphone so like age 11 #the healing process is reportedly hell but it’ll be so worth #gotta save up 1k or so #and then figure out a time when i can just do fuck all for around 2 weeks #gonna happen after i’m off to college living on my own tho so like 2+ years maybe

[mrs-kelly]

I started my externship on Friday and I’ve been doing it every day since and I am so tiredddddd ahdkdl just trying to remind myself that if I work hard then I can finally get Charlie’s tattoo and his pop figurine and more of his shirts and whatever else I want once I get hired hakdfl

#I’m working my job and doing my externship today so 🙃 I’m gonna be exhausted ahfkfl #at least I have a day off tomorrow!! #but!! man!! I am so busy ahdjfl #nowadays I have maybe 4 hours to myself and I have to spend some of it getting ready and making food so #very little time to relax 😞 #but… it’ll be worth it in the end! #I only have to do my unpaid externship for a few more weeks so! it won’t be forever #anyway yeah. that’s what’s going on with me ahdjfl #ren speaks #renlie #off brand ren cereal

[magicshopaholic]

The next fic is already so long I’m SORRY

#but it’s been a while since we’ve seen this particular pairing so maybe it’ll be worth it? #writers’ woes

[soft-fella]

finally stimulated enough to maybe try to edge myself for the first time since last week and of course the ppl i live with wake me up with the most terrifying and gut wrenching ‘we’re gonna chat later’ bullshit way, why can’t i ever just have one good thing

#i didn’t even get drunk last night 😭 like #wtf #sorry #not kink #how about i do get drunk next time so maybe it’ll be worth the panic attack the next day. damn #minors dni #vent #tw vent

[eatyourdamnpears]

as much as I love Wuvvy, I’m getting a really sinister vibe from her. even before the duel, her vibes seemed kind of off. like she’s being written to be lovable and unassuming, a fun little side character, until there’s a big reveal near the end of the show and her betrayal is the twist

#heck maybe the duel was the culmination of this happening and that’s as far as it’ll go but like #does anyone else feel off about her? she’s planning some shit behind the scenes I guarantee it #originally I thought she’d betray Rue from some festering grudge but it’s lookin like she’s in love with them so maybe I’m wrong #god I hope I’m wrong #I’m 100% expecting to get ratioed on this post but if even one person gets what I mean it’ll be worth it #a court of fey and flowers #delloso de la rue #wuvvy #acofaf #dimension 20 #aabria iyengar

[floral-hex]

lol as soon as I match with someone on tinder, I delete the app because I’m a scaredy cat and don’t want to go through the mortifying ordeal of being known 😅

#I just wanna kiss! #I don’t want to date or meet someone new! #I want to already know you and have inside jokes and already feel comfortable around you! #very realistic #girl looked really cute so I’ll try to focus on feeling flattered than feeling shitty that I chickened out #I’m just a silly lil guy who can’t talk to strangers to save his life I don’t know what to tell ya 🤷🏻‍♂️ #this is the last post about it I promise #deleted the account. deleted the app. #my life is just… ugh such a mess that I really just… I can’t go and do much of anything #my profile basically said I just want to get late-night slushees and make-out and that’s literally about all I can do at this point 😬 #which sounded good but I realized I don’t want to do small talk about my shitty life and feel like I’m convincing them I’m worth their time #even if it’s just a few hours of awkward groping and messy kissing I want them to actually want me #aaaand I just can’t reconcile that maybe someone actually might want me. at least not some stranger who only knows me from a few pictures #I have such a hard time believing I’m worth all the trouble #it’ll be okay 😬 #a little yearning is good for you #which must mean a lotta yearning is great! #blegh #dating apps suck #meeting anyone in general sucks #everything just sucks #or it doesn’t and I’m just being shitty… #you can ignore this #take it sleazy #text

[disco-tea]

.

#no because it’s the sinking feeling you’ll never be anything more than this #that your life will just tick tick tick away and you’ll always be this you’ll always be unfulfilled #for all your hopes and ambitions and dreams and want you’ll always settle you’ll always fall short #and worse theres people who actually want that for you. who never want you to be anything more. and isn’t that terrifying? #to not only have the fear you’ll always be stuck but there are people actively rooting for that #it’s enough to make panic want to claw its up your throat #and what if what if what if #what if I’m never brave enough #what if i don’t ever make it anywhere meaningful because i caved to expectations. the shittiest of expectations #expectations that had nothing to do with me or my own good #and one day I’ll look back and I’ll have nothing but regret. or maybe I’ll accept that really #there was nothing special about me in the first place and I’m better off never amounting to anything because I was never worth anything #sometimes I think there’s potential energy in my bones. just waiting to be released. #so much energy and I just need to set it free. just need to be able to aim it in a direction and it’ll go far. so far #but what if I’m wrong. what if there’s. what if all I’ll ever be is stuck #not* #delete later

[bubblyernie]

Honestly i think the reason for your decline in sales is that life has gotten pretty expensive in October, with gas, heat, etc... sometimes people commission less but your art is still as great as ever

Gosh yeah that was one of the main things I was considering :/ it was just such a sharp cut off it freaked me out a bit but that is very understandable.

Also a side note to add onto my last post, this isn’t meant to like point fingers or anything!! I really appreciate the support I get and I ALWAYS want people to prioritize their own expenses rather than commissioning me.

#Art rests on the backbone of labour which rests on the backbone of survival #and as much as an honour it is to get commissioned from people I can not ask for money to be prioritized to the art I make so ;w; #maybe when things even out if they even out it’ll be back to normal #literally paid over 100 bucks on what was maybe 1.5 weeks worth of groceries last week super fucking unsexy