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#so many THINGS popping into my head. inside jokes. songs. etc etc
suckitsurveys · 6 months
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Are either of your parents engaged but not married yet? No. My dad is a widow and will probably never remarry.
Do you cuddle with your pet (if you have one)? Yes, two of the kitties like to lay with me and the other one hates me lol.
What college did you want to attend as a kid? I didn’t have a college I strived for. Even as a kid I could tell I’d hate it.
Do you have a pet gecko? Nope.
Are you scared of reptiles? Nope.
Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? Of course. Most cookie doughs are safe to eat raw now actually.
Where would you most like to go in your state, etc that you haven’t been? I’m sure there are lots of unexplored places in Illinois.
Who was the last member of the opposite sex you laid in a bed with? Mark.
About what things are you most selfish? My alone time.
Are you camera shy? Why/why not? Nah. I just stopped caring
What is one small thing your significant other does that makes you happy? If you are single, what is one small thing a friend does to make you happy? He just fucking GETS me. All the weird shit I do he matches and then some.
From inside of your house, how many doors lead outside? In the whole building, 2, but we can only access one.
Who was the last person to give you flowers? Mark.
What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Sushi.
Do you like BBQ sauce? I do.
Did the last person you kissed ever give you a hickey? Back in the day, yeah.
How many subscribers do you have on your YouTube channel? I have no idea. Probably like 2 if that.
If you could have a car in any color you wanted, which color? Purple.
What is your favorite Avril Lavigne song? Girlfriend.
What was the last thing you were mad at a doctor about? I don’t know.
Is your mother a lesbian? She wasn’t.
Do any of your close friends NOT have a Facebook account? Close friends? No, most of them have FB accounts even if they aren’t active on them.
Would you ever consider getting dreadlocks? Nope, those are not for me to get.
When was the last time you swam in a pool? About a month ago on my birthday.
What was the last thing you said out loud? I thanked my coworker for getting me spicy chicken nuggets from Wendy’s even thought I was mostly joking lol.
Have you ever wanted to be a nurse? No.
Who or what do you worship? Nothing..
What was the last song you listened to on repeat? Bonfire by Childish Gambino lol.
What song do you want played at your wedding? I'm not sure. We didn’t have a traditional wedding.
What are three of the most painful things you have ever stepped on? Lego, rocks, this weird rubber mat my dad has in the basement of his house.
If applicable, what song are you listening to right now? I’m not but I have Love is Embarrassing by Olivia Rodrigo stuck in my head.
If you could choose three US states to visit, which three states would you pick? California, Oregon, Washington.
Have you ever donated blood? Nope.
Would you rather attend a yoga class or a Zumba class? Yoga.
Have you written anything down today? I don’t think so.
Do you own a pair of pink pants? I have a pair of pink workout pants.
Do you normally eat healthy? I try but I could be better, I say as I stuff a spicy nugget from Wendy’s in my mouth.
What is the best compliment you’ve ever received? I love being told I’m funny, or making someone laugh.
Do you believe in miracles? Eh.
What are three ways in which you are not normal? The fuck is normal?
Which genre of music do you listen to the most? I’m so bad at genres. Like, indie or pop?
Last person you kissed, are they into any type of sports? Which ones? Yes, they like the Bulls.
Does your best friend have a job? Yes.
Do you ever visit people at work? I have, but it’s not something I do frequently anymore.
When you move out your house (or if you already have moved out) do you plan on still visiting your parents’ house? I visit my dad’s at least once a week and I’m going to start going to the gym  by his house again soon so I’ll be there almost every day because I go there right from work to change clothes
Do you usually take home leftovers if you eat out in a restaurant? Usually if there is a good amount and I know I’ll eat it.
Have you ever ghost rode the whip (put your car on auto and dance next to it as it’s moving)? Do you want to? No.
Why did you stop liking the last person you liked? He was a douche.
What do you think of long-term relationships? I’m clearly all for them, as I’ve been with Mark for 12 years.
Do you have a lot of social media accounts? Do you update them all regularly? I mean I have most of the basic ones.
When you’re in trouble, do your parents ever “middle name” you? My mom did as a kid.
When was the last time you got a new tattoo or piercing? Do you have any plans to get either in the future? I got a new tattoo 3 weeks ago. It’s a baby snoopy near my ankle. I love himmmmmm. I want SO many more tattoos; I really want to start on my half-sleeve plan of creepy creatures. I also think I want a couple more holes in my right ear
Are you patriotic at all? Why/why not? Nah.
Are you any good at packing a suitcase? Sure.
Have you ever had a white hot chocolate? What did you think? I don’t really like white chocolate so this doesn’t appeal to me.
Do you ever get eczema? Yeah on my hands and elbows.
Have you ever mowed a lawn? Yes.
Is there anyone you would do literally anything for? Not LITERALLY anything, no.
Have you ever done a “knock-and-run” prank? Yes, as a kid.
Have you ever stabbed a friend in the back, intentionally or not? Yeah.
What’s the longest you’ve ever slept in one go? Like 16 hours.
Have you ever dated someone with an accent different than yours? No.
Have you ever worked two jobs at once? Nope.
Who does most of the housework around your house? Mark mostly but I do my share.
Do you enjoy the smell and taste of cinnamon? I do. It reminds me of fall/winter.
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agentmika · 3 years
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Felt like documenting some of this for myself rn so art for my playlist is by @cobaltbeam, chat snippets from myself and the lovely folks @davidfosterwallaceandgromit, @soggywormcircus, and @honkycat have allowed me to yell at them (and yelled back) abt this podcast. truly my brain has not known peace since I finished the podcast on June 7th however I would not have it any other way rn
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jeanslongschlong · 3 years
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Can I request fluff alphabet for Reiner? In current canon? I think it’s interesting how much his character has changed
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i hope that this is okay! sorry it took me so long, i’ve been in a huge writing slump but i felt pretty inspired to write some good reiner fluff tonight <3 i also think it’s fascinating how much his character has changed throughout the story; he started out as one of my least favorite characters and now i can easily say that he’s a favorite of mine. enjoy!
warnings: none
word count: 1154
a-z fluff alphabet for current canon reiner braun
A = Admiration (what do they absolutely adore about you?)
The way you make him feel alive. We all know that current canon Reiner is tired, oh so tired, but you make him feel like life is worth living. Being around you ignites a fire deep inside of him that pushes him to move forward and be better. You make him want to be a better man, and to make the right decisions for him and the people he cares about the most.
B = Body (what is their favorite part of your body?)
Your smile. It lights up his world.
C = Cuddling (how do they like to cuddle?)
He prefers to be the big spoon, but sometimes he needs some consoling too :,) He likes to hold you close to his chest as you fall asleep, pressing gentle kisses to the top of your head.
D = Dates (what does their ideal date with you look like?)
I don’t really think that Reiner has a lot of time to take you on really nice dates, so this most likely will never happen, but I imagine that Reiner wants to take you on a nice picnic and watch the clouds with you. It’s so simple, but in his mind it’s one of the most intimate and relaxing things he could do with you.
E = Emotions (how do they express emotion around you?)
Reiner has never been able to really express how he’s feeling before, so it takes him a while to open up to you. But, after a particularly bad fight between the two of you, he decides to make a conscious effort when it comes to communicating how he feels. He’s a bit nervous about it though, so please don’t judge him. He’d close himself off forever.
F = Family (do they want one? If they do, when?)
Probably not. Current canon Reiner only has a year left so…he wouldn’t want to leave you to raise a child alone ☹ though if he weren’t the armored titan he would 100% want a kid or two with you.
G = Gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? What are their habits when it comes to this?)
He can’t give you much, but he gives you LOTS of flowers.
H = Holding Hands (when/how do they like to hold hands?)
You guys don’t have much time alone and he doesn’t seem to be a guy too keen on PDA, so I’d say he prefers to keep the handholding down to a minimum and in private. But, when he does hold your hand he likes to swipe his thumb over the back of your palm in calming circles.
I = Injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)
Internally he would freak, but externally he would just become all stoney and cold. He’s lost so many people that at this point he’s learned to hide what it does to him.
J = Jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)
I don’t think he really wastes time on pranking or joking with you. He wants to spend the little time he has left the best that he possibly can.
K = Kisses (how do they like to kiss you?)
In private, passionately and slowly. They make you see stars. He has his hands gripping your waist or tangled in your hair. Expect to be backed against a wall. When you’re in public, he may press a few gentle kisses to your temple in passing if he’s feeling particularly affectionate that day.
L = Love (how do they show you they love you?)
I don’t think he’d be very good at expressing how much he loves you in words, so he probably just expresses it through affection behind closed doors. He loves to run his fingers through your hair and kiss all over your body. Basically just innocent body worship.
M = Memory (favorite memory together?)
When you met. He was at the end of his rope and was almost entirely out of hope, but then you came sauntering into his life, bringing all things good with you. He thinks of the moment he first saw you often, and the way that he felt hope for the first time in years.
N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)
Not being able to say a proper goodbye to you before he dies. You and he both know that he’s basically living on borrowed time, so your departures from each other are always very passionate and touchy haha
O = Oddity (what is one quirk they have?)
He snorts when he laughs LOL
P = Pet Names (what do they like to call you?)
My love, baby, angel
Q = Quality Time (how do they like to spend time with you?)
Laying around, cuddling, working through trauma together, praising you
R = Rhythm (what song reminds you of them?)
When the Day Met the Night by Panic! At the Disco
S = Secrets (how open are they with you?)
He tells you everything. There isn’t a single thing about him that you don’t know.
T = Time (how long did it take you to get together?)
Not very quickly. He knew what he wanted and went for it, and you were very eager to comply.
U = Upset (how do they act when you’re upset?)
He tries his hardest to be compassionate and empathize. He just wants you to be happy.
V = Vaunt (what are they proud of? Do they like to show you off?)
I don’t really think that he’s the type to show you off, but when you achieve something he definitely is the person cheering the loudest in the crowd.
W = Warrior (how do they feel about you fighting? Would they fight for you, beside you, etc?)
He would definitely fight for you. Every battle he fights he has you in the back of his mind, pushing him to fight even harder. He is all for you fighting, but it does make him nervous sometimes because he doesn’t want anything bad to happen to you.
X = X-Ray (how well are they able to read you?)
I mean…pretty well for the most part. But you sometimes have to give him a gentle nudge in the right direction because he isn’t the most observant person in the world.
Y = Yes (how would they propose to you?)
I think one of the main things he wants to have done before dying is marry you. It would probably be a pretty rushed thing; like you’d be in the middle of some random conversation and he’d just pop the question. He’d probably try to get your marriage officiated in the same day, too.
Z = Zen (what makes them feel calm?)
When you run your fingers through his hair and scratch his scalp. It makes him super relaxed.
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interact-if · 3 years
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Umm hi 👉👈 I realized that most of the asks you guys get are about games and rec lists. You guys deserve so much recognition for the work you put in this blog, so I wanted to ask if I can do a little get-to-know-the-mods thing? If that's okay!
1. Besides writing, what are your hobbies?
2. Do you have a niche interest right now?
3. Any fave songs/artists/bands?
4. Any fave movies/tv shows?
5. On a scale of 1-10, how likely would you survive in your wip's world?
You can totally ignore this if you guys want, no pressure. Anyway, much love to all the interact-if mods! You guys are incredible! ❤
We saw this ask and we went 👀 👀 👀 so we’re happy to answer! Thank you so much for the fun ask!
 We also rated our survivability in all of our collective games, since Mars isn't an author! Fun stuff! Spoilers, though: it’s really not looking so great for me (Dani) but that’s fine!!!  😌
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1. I’m a photographer as well as a graphic artist (but not like. A painter/drawer kind of artist!) and, on a general level, a maker and a tinkerer!
2. Fountain pens! I only write with ink, and only with fountain pens, and I use bottled inks/converters!
3. I’m pretty eclectic with music, but my top genres are alt rock, indie, indie pop, etc, as well as top 40s and some rap.
4. I feel like this is the hardest one for me to answer? Favorite movies/shows? Avatar: the Last Airbender has been a favorite show of mine since I was a little kid, but I have a harder time thinking of shows I would call a favorite in recent years. There are shows I’ve liked, and a lot of shows I’ve watched. But I’m picky! And demanding! It takes a lot to earn a place in Dani’s Trophy Case of Favorites. 😌 I would say I quite liked A Quite Place (movie), and I liked Us (movie). When it comes to TV shows, I have a hard time being pleased with them if they don’t end well. As a result, I have a penchant for a good limited series/miniseries (because they’re stories that have an end in mind and the plot reflects that, dagnabbit).
5. Heh. Okay.
In The Goodfellows? I think I stand I chance. I can exercise my sparkling wit and lovable personality to the best effect. I’m gonna give myself an 8/10 survivability rating. Even if I don’t have the right skills, I can go crying to the person who does and they’ll save me. Maybe.
In Creatures’ Cradle? I’m super $**!%d. 😌 1/10 survivability rating. And that 1 is me being nice to myself. The day the apocalypse breaks out I would probably be patient 0. I am self-aware. I would not do well in an apocalypse. Zombies care not for aforementioned sparkling wit and lovable personality, and I have all the muscle of a boiled spaghetti noodle. So it’s a no go.
Greater Than Gods (Cruz): Well. I’m going to be optimistic. And say that I have the wisdom not to do things I shouldn’t do and not to rock boats I shouldn’t rock. I’m going to give myself a 7/10 based on insider information, but also based on reckless optimism!
Vardir (Cruz): Cruz says this is a lighthearted game, so 10/10 LOL.
When it Hungers (Roast): I’m giving myself a nice, mediocre 5/10. I think I could put my mind to work here; I joke that I’m the village idiot, but I’m actually pretty smart! Unfortunately, I’m also curious, and maybe a little bad with authorities who won’t answer my questions. So I knocked off a lot of points due to the fact that I’d probably poke the metaphorical bear. So it’s a real coin flip as to whether I’d really make it or not.
Orthall Bay (Nines): Considering the genre is “horror” and the game intro includes the words “monster” and “maim,” I’m giving myself a whooping, enthusiastic 3/10. Yes, folks, I am that confident in myself! Once again, I can’t charm the socks off a monster (or can I?), so one of my greatest weapons is snatched from beneath my feet. Alas!
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1. Beloved I’m a college student in the middle of a pandemic... i can hardly even write LOL i do draw at times which u can see in my personal blog (nothing too good really) and i used to do karate before things went to shit <3
2. Nothing niche I believe? All I do is leave Netflix as bg noise every day n play popular videgames (genshin)
3. Porter Robinson <3 I love Bea Miller a lot as well but lately I’ve been feeling Porter a lot
4. The Good Place <3
5. My WIPs:
Greater than Gods: Highly situational, the world GtG is set in is as broad as the real world LOL so I don’t have an universal answer. But keeping it vague, and knowing my own personality, I feel like 5/10. depends on my luck.
Vardir: 10/10 no one dies in Vikgade, unless you’re a hunter but I wouldn’t be a hunter <3
Others’ WIPs
I'm gonna give myself a solid 5/10 in all other WIPs because y'all aren't writing lighthearted stories either. I feel like as long as I avoid the role of the MC I will be mostly fine. I hope. But as Dani said I'm also prone to fight the wrong person and dig my own grave so 😌
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1. Well, writing is a very, very, very, distant hobby since Words Hard, but I like to crochet and sculpt a little! Anything to do with fiddling with my hands and I’m good to go. And like, debatable but graphic design is my passion [insert clown emoji here since Tumblr said No]
2. Oh yeah a bunch! DnD yelling at people, thinking of arson, crocheting, rock climbing and simply vibing. I got into podcasts a few years ago and I’m always looking for more recs, so if you have some, hmu 😤
3. Pls,,,,my music taste is,,,so weird do not let me expose myself with lack of consistency but uhh. Current songs that are stuck in my head include; Cult of Dionysus , Achilles Come Down and The Last Shanty  
4. If you’ve ever spoken to me before, I probably yelled about Pacific Rim to you or at you. Plus I love all The Mummy films and really enjoyed Castlevania (s3 excluded, we do not perceive that) as well! 
5. Ah, mod survival simulator pt. 3
Alright, let’s go!  I don’t have a WIP because again, words hard, but like, considering how feral I am when not tryna seem professional hm... 
The Goodfellows: I wanna say a solid 7/10 because I’d hardcore vibe with the Traveler and probably instigate so much nonsense. I can also bribe with blueberry cake so maybe. 
Creature’s Cradle: maybe a 4/10 and only because of pure spite keeping me alive long enough to smack someone. I’ve prepared for hypothetical  zombie apolcapyses and I won’t hesitate to bap, but will be bapped back because I’m weak as hell. 
Greater Than Gods: a toss up between 2/10 and 7/10! I can vibe and be chill but I also have terrible impulse control so... 
Vardir: hm....I think pretty good survival rates all around? If you ask me to fight then like, okay sure, your knees are mine. So maybe a 8/10? 
When it Hungers: .......8/10 just because I’d refuse to die if I can be a cool creature. Living for the aesthetic can and will drag me outta hell. But I’m also clumsy as hell so I’d probably crash as a porcelain or hold a rooster and perish (aka, real rating is a good 3/10) 
Orthall Bay: 2/10, nope. Nope I’d be taken out in a heartbeat. Monsters can go pspsps and I’d head straight into the dark creepy forest like a fool if someone comes @ me. Half the time I’ll just assume it’s sfx makeup and vibe until it’s too late. 
god, never put me in a universe where I cannot squawk like a bird and throw pebbles from a window. Oof
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Anon, you're so sweet! I give you a forehead smoomch <333 As for your questions...
1. If I'm not writing, I'm usually watching video essays on Youtube. My go-to channels as of right now is Disrupt and Aperture! I just really like their videos. Aside from that, I recently got into podcasts. Currently going through Hello From The Hallowoods and Shelter and Warning, which are made by queer creators!
2. Oh oof, there's quite a bit so I'm just gonna put down one thing. For some reason, I really got into collecting tiny astronaut things? I recently bought this astronaut desk light, and I've got a package coming in for the miniatures I ordered. No purpose for them other than I think they're neat <3
3. I'm a bit private with my music taste (even tho I have Spotify connected on Discord lmao), but there's 5 songs that I'm currently obsessed with. I keep replaying them over and over again. Just squeezing all the serotonin I could get outta them.
4. I can't really say I have a fave TV show or movie because I can't really just pick one, but my current fave is 9-1-1 and Resident Alien. 9-1-1 because I just really love the found-family dynamics and how the show tackles sensitive topics, and Resident Alien because it's lighthearted comedy. My all-time fave movie is Flipped! I have the book too and I like rereading from time to time <3
5. You're in for a doozy, anon, because we're rating each other's games <333
The Goodfellows: 7/10
Listen. Shenanigans with the Traveler. I would get up to so many of them and that is what'll get me possibly bodied, not the actual environment itself <3
Greater than Gods: 7/10
I like to think I have enough common sense to uhhh not recklessly flip stones that should not be flipped <3 I'm a cautious and skeptic person irl so I think I'll hold up well? Then again, it's a vast environment change and while I can adapt pretty quick, I wouldn't like the lack of control in the unknown.
Vardir: 10/10
Going off what Cruz said, Vardir is lighthearted and focused on personal growth so I think I'll be okay! Self-growth here I come, babey!
Creatures' Cradle: 8/10
Maybe I'm overestimating myself, but I think I'll be able to survive in a supernatural post-apocalyptic world! Ah, but it depends on the motivation though. I like the idea of rebuilding communities and eventually societies, but the survival turmoil would be a constant battle I'd have to overcome. If we're talking survival itself though, I think I'll do well.
When it Hungers: 8/10
That's probably my wishful thinking but I think I'll be fine. Maybe. Possibly. Don't like the idea of being regulated by an organization so if I was a non-human creature that could pose a problem but I can roll with it <3
Orthall Bay: 6/10
Assuming I'm not playing as MC, my chances of survival uhhh changes quite drastically. Not enough to guarantee an untimely demise, but certainly enough that it would constantly keep me on my toes. I think that's the safest answer I can get without spoiling anything lmao
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Thank you so much for asking! It's super sweet of you <3
1. Too many :'D I knit, I sew, I do carpentry (well, learning), I bake, I'm hammering away at HTML and CSS, my job kind of encourages learning new things and I take that to picking up new hobbies!
2. My time is kind of consumed with school work and work work and WIP work so not a lot of time to pursue niche interests right now. I've been watching a lot of horror game playthroughs, true crime youtubers, and an adorable show on Netflix called the Repair Shop <3
3. My taste in music is "what am I vibing with atm?" I've been listening to a lot of 80's music atm (don't @ me), but also Lo Fang and Kaleo, and whatever spotify recommends me on my discover weekly which is usually complete chaos.
4. I love the Mummy even though it hasn't aged 100% well (I'm a librarian, of course it's one of my gotos LOL), Legally Blonde, Leverage, Jumanji (the original), I'm....very bad at having recent tastes... and very bad at remembering my favorites when asked.
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5.
The Goodfellows: I'm a creature of comfort, 5/10 if I can just luxuriate in town and not actually interact with the story sfjkdbsdkf
Creature’s Cradle: I'd like to think I have a 50/50 shot XD 5/10, I want to think I'd be decent at a zombie apocalypse but ultimately would suffer an early fate.
Greater Than Gods: 10/10 if I'm just vibing, less so if I'm involved in the actual story XD
Vardir: I'd still suffer without technology but I can also knit for a living in this world so I'm down 8/10
When it Hungers: I feel like I could vibe here, there's tech if dated, hot showers, telephones are around by now... might still get bored. 7/10 though it'd be cool to be another creature....I should make a 'what creature of snv are you' quiz!
Orthall Bay: 7/10 idk I feel like after the first monster of the week I'd just skip town XDDDD I'm the worst protagonist, I see danger I just leave.
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the-furies · 2 years
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i am going 2 Infodump abt our system fuck it I'm bored <3 asks from here
🍓- if you’re an introject, what is ur source/who are you? (Don’t tell if uncomfy!) - My source is T.he Bi.nding of I.saac! I'm a fictive of Magdalene :3c I go by Mags/Maggie now and my pronouns are lov/lovself, love/loveself, any heart emoji pronouns, and she/her!
📍- funny story that happened in exomemories? (If u have any) - OHOH THAT'S A QUESTION! Don't think I can rlly answer that. Closest I could think of would be being home alone fr a few months w Eve and being like "Bro we could just eat ICE CREAM AND SWEETS >:3" and.,,, almost doing that FNDNSJDKCKC I was like,, 10-11, Eve was around 12-13ish iirc
🍒 - funny story that happened in headspace? -
Rosie, Allan, and I, just chillin up front, Xm.en on in the bg irl:
Qui.cksi.lver, suddenly appearing in-sys from a system gate/portal: ... ??
Us: ????
Rosie: ,,, Hi.
Qui.cks.ilv.er: ,,, Wrong timeline. Sorry *proceeds to leave the system*
That was like a week ago we haven't heard back from him since HWSJDJFK
🌹 - funny story that happened in the meatspace? - I HONESTLY CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING TBH CJXJDIC
🍊 - tiktok audio/vine that reminds you of a headmate? - ok we don't watch much vines or tiktoks so idk abt that but as for funny clips n shit we've got:
"If instruments were voices and voices were instruments" which reminds me of the whole sys tbh but that's bc it's a current vocal stim
I Thlammed My Penith Into The Car Door, which reminds me of Daffodil bc we call her Daffy and it's an inside joke now
This...... OOC vin.esa.uce clip. NSFW warning. Only bc of how Vinny says "I would like to apologize" Which makes me think of everyone who's a common fronter atm bc it's another vocal stim
🎃 - who is fronting/close to fronting rn? - Me and Moo.ndrop!! Moony's up front bc 🌛's one of my caretakers and bc 🌛 helps us sleep!
🥕 - are any headmates frontstuck/co-con stuck right now? - ,,, Also me and Moo.ndrop! BDNDNSNCJC I've been frontstuck kinda for like a week give or take and same w Moony and Sunny bc I have adopted them as my In-Sys Parents™
🏵 - random song lyric please :D - “Now wouldn't you know, you're choking on the spite” v v good new re.d vo.x song™
🌟 - how did you find out you were plural? - Honest to God we've been plural since as long as we can remember we just found a name for it when we joined tumblr LMAO
🌻 - do you use I/me, I&/me&, us/we, and/or any 1st person neos? - Some of us do use first person neos!! Tho as a whole we alternate btwn i/me and we/us, whichever feels right in the moment. Off the top of my head tho, Mischief uses I& (and She&/Her& pronouns), Samson is trying out Ix/Ix'm and xI/xI'm, andddd many of our median sysmates use we/us fr themselves or I& too!
🌙 - do any headmates have typing quirks? If so, what are they? - Yes many of us do!! Su.ndr.op doubles any punctuation and usually ends all sentences with “!!”, Rosie likes to “tYPE LIKE THIS DJAJAKSKDFK” (which has. Absolutely bled into the rest of the system lmao) anddd a handful of our sysmates tend to type out their echoing/stuttering/glitching when it happens in-sys!
🍋 - do you have a host? If so, who are they? - ,,, Not really JSJSKDICKCFND our closest thing to a host would be Rosie who's. Unstable as fuck! And then we have Allan who's. Unstable as fuck without Rosie! And then there's me who's filling in as temporary host/temp third Main which is a role that changes often. I'm the only one w braincells if I do say so myself /JOKEEEE
☘️ - what do you use to keep track of system members? - Pluralkit on Discord!! Ever since the system's gone past like,,, 10 members we find it much easier 2 note everyone down via PK than use a notes app like we did a few years ago
🌿 - current member count? - *checks pk* uhhhjjj 385 and counting! I don't think that's counting most walk-ins tho which we keep logged on our pk jic they pop back in which I'll be re-adding soon
🌱 - share a picture (drawing, icon edit, picrew etc.) of urself in headspace! - WOOOO OK
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I keep many a things on my person in-sys and one of them is indeed a sword. Other things include many chew toys, a handful of stim toys, and my Yum Heart!
🦎 - do you share memories with your headmates? - Yeah!! Be they exomems or stuff that happened irl, it's p easy for us to share memories tbh! Sometimes it's by accident but usually it's consensual
🦋 - any ‘-heavy’s? (introject heavy, little heavy, protector heavy, etc.) - Introject heavy for sure BCNDSNXNCKD anddddd at this point I'd say maybe syskid heavy? Judging off who fronts most often usually which is mainly just,, my sibs and I (aside from this past week goddamn). Despite having a lotta members most of them aren't active or don't front ever usually lmao
🐬 - any nonhumans? - SO MANY YES!! I myself am part angel in-sys and consider myself part doll! Buuuuuut yeah actually... P much everyone in the system isn't human in some way I forgor that was a thing so I didn't list it in the last question NFNFMDKFFK
🛋 - what does headspace look like? - It changes quite often!! Rn it's a huge open field, like REALLY huge. Our fronting area is a big ol' tree with lots of shade. A few ft away is a small cabin which is where Sam (nOT TO BE CONFUSED W SAMSON FJDJFJ) resides when he's not afk from the system, andddd further back in the headspace is,,, more foresty stuff I think?
But that's just the main layer lmao. Our other layers are mainly kinda in outer space, but the layers my sibs, family, and my other sourcemates reside on are an abandoned cathedral and an open, stormy sea.
🧿 - what does front look like? - welp. I already described front. whoops JWJWJDKFKF
☔️ - favorite thing about being plural? - Having friends and family being with me 24/7!! Sure we have friends and family outside the system but it's,, simply not the same as having friends and family share the same body as you y'know? It's hard to explain but we're all just. MUCH closer I guess! And inseperable both literally and metaphorically FJDJDJFJG
👾 - collective name/pronouns? - Rn we go by Greed (or Greed Mode, or Ultra Greed, etc.) or Knives, and our pronouns are they/them or mirrored pronouns, meaning someone would use their pronouns for us when talking abt us!
🌂 - singletsona? - Our singletsona irl goes by Tyler/Ty and they do not give a shit abt pronouns and wish not 2 be perceived by anyone god bless <3
👿 - origin(s)? - BDHSJDJDHAAAHA well. Mixed origin tbh. Endogenic, Nihilumgenic, and Protogenic!
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florvinhara · 3 years
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my detectives (part 2)
celebrating the end of this semester w infodump part 2 ft luna! (part 1)
Luna [redacted] Kingston
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Romances A or M
Age: 27
Birthday: September 12
Star sign: Virgo
Height: 5'3"
Hair: black, wavy and shoulder length w choppy front bangs
Eyes: dark blue
Other appearance details: eyesight is bad enough that she usually wears glasses but she can still mostly see w/out them. long scar on neck from the murphy attack. old scars on knees and elbows (the Klutz special).
Languages: Conversational fluency in lots of them!
Stats:
Charming/Intimidating
Impulsive/Cautious
Sarcastic/Genuine
Friendly/Stoic
Easygoing/Stubborn
Heart/Mind
Optimist/Pessimist
Team player/Independent
Primary skills: Deduction & people
Strengths: Outgoing, kind, trusting, creative thinker, jack of all trades, open-minded, thoughtful, devoted, loyal, strong-willed
Weaknesses: Guilty, flighty, overactive imagination, clumsy, low self-esteem, unfocused, nervous, dishonest, impetuous, irrational at times
Personal:
her middle name is currently [redacted] bc im pretty sure rook's sister is Evil and for the Drama im gonna make luna's middle name the aunt's first name ;) if it turns out the aunt isnt a villain then.... idk maybe she still will be in my heart <3
she's worn glasses since she was 12, but her vision is. Technically good enough that she can mostly get by without them, leading to her always putting them on top of her head and subsequently losing them
in my heart she's an investigative journalist who moved back to wayhaven after sm things went down at her old job that made her want to find out what really happened to rook and reconnect w rebecca, but then got caught up in the murder plot with UB starting book 1, but in the vein of canon, she joined the force to follow in rook's footsteps etc.
she was kind of a weird kid, always daydreaming and making up her own very in-depth games and stories in the corner- she was pretty shy! sometimes she wld write them down and that's what first got her interested in writing
the car is named Tracy and she is a LADY who is doing her best!!!! at this point tracy is a cherished friend, jokes about her being bad will Not be well received >:(
she's very much in her head all the time, smtimes her sentences sort of meander and just go off on tangents and then kind of drift off at the ends
rebecca sent her to boarding school for a while following an Event in luna's childhood that made rebecca feel like wayhaven wasn't safe for the time being, she had lots of fun but that's kind of the time when luna started to worry she'd done smth wrong and that's why rebecca didn't want her around, since she'd kind of blocked out the Incident
many nervous habits! including but not limited to: cleaning her glasses, braiding small strands of her hair, jostling her leg, cracking her knuckles
she is actually v smart! in a book sense at least :0 she's clever and good at solving puzzles, and she remembers a lot of rlly obscure info abt lots of things- look into her eyes and you can basically hear the mii music playing, but she is intelligent!
she loves animals :') walking anywhere with her takes Ages bc she wants to stop and look at birds and if there's a worm on the sidewalk everything comes to a Halt while a rescue operation is performed
rocks!!!!! she's a huge geology nerd and she Loves them sm, fun crystals and pebbles alike :) she collects them all and if you picked one up and asked her abt it she wld know exactly when and where she got it
she hates seasonal music!!!! halloween songs and Especially christmas songs!! she cant explain why but it drives her up. the. wall. during the last few months of the year she's like that gif from community of the woman hitting the guy with a candy cane like "its December 10th!!!" its the one thing about the holidays she doesn't like
lots of her favorite books are from the golden age of detective fiction! she also reads a lot of poetry and history books, and loves nonfiction :D she's a sucker for any book with really in depth worldbuilding and/or a map on the front inside cover- she DID read the entire silmarillion AND enjoy it! she loves animated and stop-motion movies, laika is her Favorite studio and she owns every studio ghibli movie
she loves any food or drink where the main ingredient is sugar <3 catch her eating lucky charms dry straight from the box! she'll only drink coffee if it has like. vanilla or sm other sweet flavoring added to it along with 12 packs of sugar
her sleep schedule.... oh no! she had insomnia even before murphy, and now with the nightmares, it's even worse :( it's ok though! she uses the nighttime to work on art or baking or writing etc.
she listens to lots of indie/folk music- the oh hellos are one of her favorite bands! also she's a big fan of fun pop music- carly rae jepsen, bleachers, hayley kiyoko, HAIM, etc. also smdfnsj she Does listen to lofi music
she's loved chess since she was a kid and often plays against herself or another opponent- she also usually has a puzzle she's working on, and really likes crossword puzzles/sudoku games!
background noise is a Friend <3 it rlly helps her focus!
she loves her potted plants a lot! she has very detailed instructions on how to take care of them and she does talk/sing to them to help them grow
her house Looks minimalist? she values the aesthetic but she cannot commit- open any drawer in her house and you'll find like 7000 receipts she hasn't thrown out yet
she is Sweet but! untapped Rage is there... she has a tendency to bottle things up until one tiny thing makes her Go Off with all the stress and anger she's been holding back :( she Will cry and yell and then be completely horrified and spend the next 3-4 weeks apologizing profusely
she feels bad about. Everything :( she blames herself a lot,, it's easier to tell herself that things are going wrong bc it's her Fault and she did smth wrong rather than accept that it's out of her control
on that subject things with rebecca are Awkward!! they kind of drifted apart and luna feels like she shld have tried harder to keep in touch
her primary love language... probably words of affirmation or physical affection! she's very open w her affections and telling/showing people she loves them (to the extent they're comfortable with it! she prefers to let whoever she's with dictate the pace of the relationship)
if you see her Sleeping on the floor.... just leave her be,, she's sleepy
she is. weirdly lucky at small things and games of chance? catch her being dealt a full house right out of the gate during card games or finding quarters on the street all the time! she wins carnival games like nobody's business <3
absently she knows all the Lucky things to wish on! shooting stars, ladybugs, eyelashes, pennies, 11:11, etc :)
she dresses like. a very specific kind of influencer lowkey, w the oversized t-shirts and jeans ksdfm, the Sweaters/coats, etc.
hot weather does Not spark joy- she owns like 700 fans and loves getting to wear all her cute winter clothes :)
she's not allowed to watch cooking/baking shows unsupervised anymore, following the Incident where she watched one and then spent the entire night building a Giant gingerbread mansion spreading across the floor of her apartment
she deflects. a Lot! not even intentionally really but it just Happens :/ she's naturally a pretty open person but smtimes she just naturally is Not Talking abt it and tries to play things off, especially personal things abt her feelings/reactions to things <3
she is Nervous,, her base level of stress is. kind of up there! surprises Do Not work bc she will just Shriek and drop what she's holding sndfsjn.... it was like that even before murphy but. you know. it's more pronounced now :/
in her heart she is like. a human golden retriever! she's excited!! she wants to be friends!! she's roaming around,, take her for a walk and maybe she will find a cool stick to carry!!
she walks with a little bit of a skip in her step! on her toes a bit so nobody can tell she is Short... (it doesnt work)
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dustedmagazine · 3 years
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Ian Mathers’ 2020: We’re stuck inside our own machines
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I’ve had a song I loved in high school and haven’t thought much about since stuck in my head. The song “Apparitions” by the Matthew Good Band is a fine example of the alt rock of the late 90s; if you grew up then but somewhere down in the states (or elsewhere) instead of my southern Ontario you may well have your regional equivalents, and like this one they may not resonate terribly strongly outside of their time and place. It popped back into my head after a long time recently and of course 2020 has changed it a little. A song that as a teen I felt keenly as about loneliness (albeit also about how technology can feed into that) of course now plays on my nerves as another small piece of art about the way that most of us (those scared and/or responsible anyway) have only that relatively narrow, technologically mediated connection to the people we love. All of us, artists and listeners alike, are trying to fit our feelings and art and selves down these little connections, with some success.
On a personal level, 2020 wound up being stressful in ways we couldn’t have predicted even after the pandemic hit. In circumstances that could have seen governments on this continent support those unable to work (and those who shouldn’t have to), support those workers who are truly essential, support workers and renters and even landlords and small businesses, instead we got a near-total abeyance of those governments using the resources we provide them with to save any of us. On a personal level my wife and I were lucky enough to be able to work from home (not that it didn’t come with its own forms of stress, and now that I’m off until January I have several work/stress-related illnesses to recover from) but still saw friends and loved ones lose good, used-to-be-sustainable livings overnight, saw family businesses succumb to a near-total absence of effective government support after months of trying to keep above water, etc.
It is probably no surprise that this is not a situation conducive to listening to music, let alone writing about it; I have deliberately and happily kept busy on behind the scenes stuff at Dusted that I could still manage but looking, at the end of the year, at the amount I managed to actually create is demoralizing if not at all shocking. I’m not sure I think next year will be ‘better’ in many important ways, although at our job there is a growing feeling among coworkers that next year has to have some work/life balance because 2020 was, maybe more than anything else, unsustainable.
That’s not to say I didn’t spend a lot of time and emotion on music this year, and if nothing else constant sleep deprivation, stress, and panic meant I was probably open to being deeply moved by all sorts of art even more than normally (it’s gotten to the point where I can’t even read a sad or moving twitter thread out loud to my wife without getting teary, which is kind of… nice?). Funnily enough the band that did the most to keep me sane didn’t really put out anything in 2020. Personal favorite, Low, instead started, in early April, getting on Instagram with something they called on whim “It’s Friday I’m in Low.” With one brief break they have now done by my count at least 35 shows (catalogued here, by the way), every Friday at about 4 my time.
Admittedly it’s easier for Low to pull this off than some bands, since the 2/3 of the trio that sing are a married couple (they’ve had a couple of socially-distanced backyard shows with bassist Steve Garrington, but he’s mostly been isolating elsewhere). These shows have seen the band’s Alan Sparhawk take a mid-set break to do follow-up phone interviews with the acts featured in the COVID-curtailed touring bands series Vansplainingthat they started on YouTube, or just to give a tour round their vegetable garden and talk tips. It’s seen Alan and Mimi Parker draw on their impressive, 25+ year body of work (averaging 4-5 songs a set, I don’t think they’ve repeated themselves yet) and talk a bit between songs about pandemics, politics, song choices, and whether Alan should grab his bike helmet this time.
They’re not the only musicians out there speaking love and sanity (and playing music) into the strange digital interzone filled with hate and disinformation where we’ve all been forced to gather while locked down, but they were and the most consistent and steady signal being emitted each week. No matter how tired I was from work or what new symptoms I’d developed or what horrific thing I read into the news, even if I had to take an emergency nap while it was actually airing, every Friday the show was there. Once things do return to something more like normal, it’s one of the few things I’ll unambiguously miss about this weird-ass year.
So if that makes an argument for Low as my band of the year (admittedly again… it’s not like Double Negative has aged poorly, either), that does a disservice to those 2020 records I did connect with; even if there are still literally dozens I have to go through, many of which I expect to love, my top picks this year (if as unrankable by me as always) hit me as hard as any top pick in recent years did. So here I present a quick and informal top 5, which the rest of my top 20 following in alphabetical order. Here’s hoping for more time and space in 2021 for music, and even more than that, for more support for those who need it from those who could have been providing it all this time. (The Matthew Good Band, incidentally, always did best with their ballads. “Strange Days” is another I’ve had in my head these days; the image of moving “backwards, into a wall of fire” has stuck with me since the 90s and it’s never felt more grimly appropriate.)
Greet Death — New Hell
New Hell by Greet Death
This one is, in some sense, cheating; it came out November 2019. But that just means it’s the latest winner of my personal Torres Prize for Ian Being Late to the Party (so named because becoming slightly obsessed with Torres’ Sprinter just after I sent in my 2015 list was the first time I noticed that one of my favorite records of each year tends to get picked up by me just after I call it quits on the year, no matter how long I try to wait). This very doom and gloom slowcore/metal/(whatever, just know it’s heavy) trio at first felt very much like my beloved Cloakroom (whose Time Well has also won a Torres Prize) but sure enough nuances revealed themselves. Back in February it felt almost a little too negative, but then the rest of 2020 happened. And the extended burns of “You’re Gonna Hate What You’ve Done” and the title track remain searing.
Holy Fuck — Deleter
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Probably the record I’ve been trying to write about the longest in 2020, and the one I’m most disappointed in myself that I just couldn’t get the requisite paragraphs together. It’s a wonderful effort from the consistently great Toronto resolutely human-created (and —mediated) dance music quartet, one that both feels like a summation of everything they do well, and with the addition of some outside voices (including strong turns from the singers of both Hot Chip and Liars) a step forward at the same time.
Spanish Love Songs — Brave Faces Everyone
Brave Faces Everyone by Spanish Love Songs
As the year got worse, this roar of defiance only got more crucial for me to hear every so often; I was a big enough fan of it, even after writing it up for Dusted, that when they solicited fan footage for a subsequent music video you may just be able to get a glimpse of me in it. (I’m the one in a “No Tories” t-shirt.) My punk rock-loving twin brother was the one who introduced me to Spanish Love Songs and we were supposed to spend an evening in June screaming along to them live in a packed, sweaty room. I need that in my life again.
Julianna Barwick — Healing Is a Miracle
Healing Is A Miracle by Julianna Barwick
It’s a sign of what 2020 has been like here that even just this album title leaves bruises, and while I privately worried Barwick would have a hard time following up 2016’s sublime Will (probably my favorite record that year), it seems that continuing to take whatever downtime she needs to keep focusing and refining her particular muse has once again yielded amazing results. Anyone who thinks they know what a Barwick track sounds like should really check out, say, “Flowers”, but much of this record absolutely sounds like Barwick, just even better than before. She also boasted my wife and I's favorite streaming concert of 2020, an absolutely gorgeous rendition of this album with Mary Lattimore showing up.
Phoebe Bridgers — Punisher
Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers
I joked on Twitter recently that I have far too nice a dad (and far too good a relationship with him) to be as obsessed as I am with Phoebe Bridgers’ “Kyoto”, but here we are. Like most of her generation, Bridgers’ social media presence ranges from shit-posting to inscrutable, but even though things are often just as hard to figure out in her beautiful songs (as they often are in life), there’s an emotional clarity to them that can just grab you deep down. Couple that with seriously impressive songcraft and the progress from her already astounding debut Stranger in the Alps and more than anyone else in 2020 I’m excited to see just where the hell Phoebe Bridgers is going to go, because it feels like she’s talented and hardworking enough to go just about anywhere and drag a lot of our hearts with her.
Other Favorites
Aidan Baker & Gareth Davis — Invisible Cities II
Anastasia Minster — Father
Deftones — Ohms
Hum — Inlet
Kelly Lee Owens — Inner Song
Mesarthim — The Degenerate Era
Perfume Genius — Set My Heart On Fire Immediately
Protomartyr — Ultimate Success Today
Rachel Kiel — Dream Logic
The Ridiculous Trio — The Ridiculous Trio Plays the Stooges
Sam Amidon — Sam Amidon
Shabason, Krgovich & Harris — Philadelphia
Stars Like Fleas — DWARS Session: Live on Radio VPRO
Well Yells — We Mirror the Dead
Yves Tumour — Heaven to a Tortured Mind
Five Reissues/Compilations/etc.
Aix Em Klemm — Aix Em Klemm
Bardo Pond — Adrop/Circuit VIII
Charles Curtis — Performances & Recordings 1998-2018
Coil — Musick to Play in the Dark
Hot Chip — LateNightTales
Ian Mathers
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cozycornerwritings · 3 years
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hi!! for the match up thing i’m indian-american, 5’6”-5’8” naturally rapunzel-length, wavy hair (brownish), glasses, brown eyes, corner dimples, aquarius, i’m an ambivert, i love video games, editing, reading, writing, sleeping lol, and i’m not good at drawing but i like doodles and coloring. i love k-pop (casual listener) and some non-kpop songs & i love watching a lot of anime & reading BL 🕴🏻 & manga. i get closed off in groups because i get anxious and i get negative thoughts and how i’m probably not even wanted there bc of bad experiences. in public i can get suuuper anxious because i’m rlly sheltered bc of my parents and i get all shaky. same like in public w/o my parents like i get shaky and an anxiety / panic attack and want to cry. ive never experienced things bc of my family like ‘normal’ stuff like the beach, traveling, ice skating, movie theaters and stuff. i hate it and i dont have the best relationship with my family they can be really toxic sometimes and the whole anxiety thing and that makes me feel really depressive and su*cidal sometimes for a while. i love physical affection and being shown that or told words affirmation. but irl i get awkward and shy w physical affection bc ive never experienced it and idk how to do it. im good thru text, irl i can keep a convo going. thru calls i get shy and nervous, especially if it’s the opposite gender. my face gets red easily like i blush a lot and it’s not hard to make me flustered lol. when i get like that or don’t know how to respond i just giggle bc idk what to do or say. if im sad and going thru it i make jokes to cover it up and laugh it off, one time someone just asked ‘are you ok’ after i did and my voice cracked ‘no not really’ and i started crying 😃 i keep stuff to myself (unless i trust that person to tell them stuff nd open up to them) i do have trust issues and i’ve never rlly had friends irl my parents are strict and never let me go out. online i dont rly have much friends either. im rlly observant, and like descriptive / detailed as u can tell 😭 kinda sucks thoo because a lot of people don’t read what i say bc they said they cant b bothered n it’s too long but i just get rlly engrossed into things & dont half-ass stuff and just wanna explain everything properly 😭 i can be sassy and give attitude, and i can be mean. BUT i never do that to someone unless they did me dirty. i dont like arguing. that side of me can be shown thru arguments but only again like if the other person is doing the same and is being mean and disrespectful to me first. i do have a lot of patience and endure things until it’s become like a problem? i make sure to communicate. i never ignore people, i’m not petty unless i have a good reason if they did something to me. i’m really funny i swear 😭 and i can be emotional / sensitive depending on what it is but i know when someone is joking but i know when things are taken too far and i have boundaries. i take caution when meeting people bc trust issues so i’m not that clingy unless i 100% like can count on them and comfortable with them trust them etc. i like teasing friends but just for fun and won’t take it far and make them upset or anything. if i ever hurt someone which i make sure not to i feel super bad and apologize a lot and make sure to never do it again. i try to keep my cool to refrain keeping myself from getting mad but the times i have gotten mad are reasonable and it has to be something super upsetting for me, i dont get mad w/o reason though and i start to angry-cry and yell but i try not to say anything that ill regret and make sure to think of what im saying. i love memes, idk how to describe my humor tho 😭, i’m diligent and considerate! i try to show i care thru actions and words of affirmation and quality time etc. i make sure to remember important stuff someone tells me abt themselves. i have a really good memory i don’t forget things that easily. i care for others a lot and im trying to take care of myself more now too but it can be hard. i’m not a liar i can be really blunt and honest. SORRY ITS LONG 😭
I match you with..
Lemillion!
I’m a firm believer that understanding opposites can bring out the best in each other. Mirio helps you come out of your shell. He loves to stroke your hair, and sometimes playfully pulls it. He is your partner and your best friend, so doing thinks like Pictionary or playing games today are a common occurrence. Joking and cuddling turns into a must for the two of you and you discover how much you love your head pet. His dependable personality provides a safe place for you, and you get the chance to trust in someone fully.
He appreciates how you are careful to watch how you act when you are upset, but loves how full of emotion you are. Seeing you cry breaks him on the inside and he just wants to scoop you up into hugs. Knowing that you have that big goof there helps you with your social anxiety. If someone is talking too much to you and he sees you getting overwhelmed, he will skillfully direct conversation away from you. Mirio gets very protective of you around your family. He constantly holds your hand and you two have established a safe word in case you want to leave. Mirio is more than happy to scoop you into his arms and run away with you. He is so emotionally intelligent and sensitive with you that you feel so safe and secure. If you could use one word to describe him it would be ‘home’. For the first time in a long time you begin to realize what family is, it’s mirio.
Knowing that you haven’t tried many things, you two make an effort to try new experiences together. He often flirts with you, despite the fact you two are together. He brings out the more sexual side of you. You compliment him and flatter him. He loves how much you appreciate him. You two take care of each other and your time is full of laughs.
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chaoticspacefam · 3 years
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OC Music Meme
I was tagged by @raven-of-domain-kwaad​ , thank you! :D I shall tag (no pressure as always, only if you want to!): @mercurypilgrim​ , @mimabeann, @rainofaugustsith​ , @thelastenvoyyy​ , @a-master-procrastinator and anyone else who wants to do this one, yes, I promise I mean you!
Yaaay another music meme, I LOVE these, as any of my long-term followers/mutuals probably know :P Oh no, Raven what have you done! 🤣🤣
        List one or more songs that relate to the following
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*drags Rai and her three consecutive playlists full of songs in here and plops her down proudly* Now I’m not joking when I say combined her three playlists would run for ~10 hrs if I played them all back-to-back. Sooooo for that reason I will be trying to restrict myself to 3-4 songs per “question”, except for the last one which is annotated with an explanation there, ANYWAYS!
reminds you of them most:
Down To The Bottom - Dorothy :: This is a very new one to her playlist (discovered a few days ago), but it still vibes so well with Saarai’s attitude to love, and her need to have some sort of emotional closeness to other people, to love and be loved, or else she just doesn’t function quite right
Up The Wolves - The Mountain Goats :: This was one of Rai’s first EVER theme songs that made it onto her list as I gave the Ahaszaai the backstory that led to them becoming main characters, so it feels only right that I include it here. To me it perfectly sums up her character progression, from a frightened young woman with a lot of skeletons in her closet and no willingness to be a commander of anything or confidence that she could, to a strong and dedicated leader willing to do whatever it takes to protect the people she works with, and make sure that the person who once took it from her family will suffer the righteous justice he deserves for his actions. Oddly enough, Saarai never goes back to take over the Sith Empire as D’leah planned (in Subterfugeverse anyways), they do eventually “come home” and build something of their own with the other members of the Alliance <3 
Bruno Is Orange - Hop Along :: This song is very important too. It makes me feel a lot of things and as I developed more of Saarai’s backstory and began tying everything together, it became an essential part of her backstory. This is 100% a “Saarai Song” in my brain (and I’ve had the script for that meme planned out for over a year, I’ll get to it soon :3), summing up the chaos and her own feelings on what happened with Tsâhis (and her mother and sister’s reactions to finding out about what happened, and Ty, the baby which resulted from that clusterfuck of a relationship)
Someone New - Hozier :: Kinda supplements “Down To The Bottom”, Saarai was a character who puzzled me sexuality-wise for a long time, she has a lot to unpack and a lot of nuances in her attractions, and for a long time (because it is the default for modern media) I tried to shove her in the monogamy box, except...that doesn’t work for Saarai LMAO. I remembered this song existed one day (I think it came up on Youtube shuffle or something) and it was the lightbulb that went on in my head that finally clicked and told me she was actually polyam as well (though ironically I forgot to actually put it in her playlist until @darth-bagel reminded me it existed again a few months ago LOL).
reminds another character of them:
All The Pretty Girls - KALEO :: (Sash - Zephyrverse AU) This one had a few options too, but I think this is the best song that Sash would associate with Saarai. Their relationship was slow burn, although there was near-immediate attraction there, Sash struggled with self-doubt and her own insecurities for a long time, firmly believing that Saarai would get bored of waiting for her to be “ready” to take things further and explore other options (she didn’t. They’ve been married something like 20+, nearing 30 years now, you’re stuck with her sweetie <3)
The Last of the Real Ones - Fall Out Boy :: (Lana - Subterfugeverse) “I know this whole damn city thinks it needs you, but not as much as I do.”  Lana wasn’t looking for Saarai when she found her, but Lana wouldn’t have it any other way. Though Lana is a big pillar of support for Saarai, and Saarai in turn is the social “glue” that holds the Alliance together, what many people don’t realise is that the feeling is mutual and Lana relies upon her just as much. Saarai’s dependable, and trustworthy, even if sometimes she makes Lana want to roll her eyes into the ceiling because of her antics, she wouldn’t want to change her for anything, it’s that part of Saarai that she secretly loves the most because it reminds Lana that it’s okay to unwind and have fun or be silly every once in a while, especially with the people you love.
Shut Up And Dance - WALK THE MOON :: (Koth - Subterfugeverse) Koth’s relationship with Saarai took a lot longer to develop into something openly romantic because Saarai had a lot of stuff to work through before she could accept her own feelings for him, but the cantina party at the end of KOTFE was the moment that Koth realised she was comfortable with him, because it’s the first time she really opened up to him, the first time she asked him to do anything together, and the first time she didn’t flinch or jump away from him when he touched her.
reminds you of a relationship of theirs, doesn’t have to be romantic, can be paternal, friendly etc.: I’m taking that as an invitiation to do a song for each of the main ones of any kind and that means this one has like six songs because...Saarai has a lot of influencial relationships in her character arc, I’m sorry (but not really) :’)
Broken Crown - Mumford & Sons :: Saarai & D’leah (Familial, It’s Complicated). This one is probably gonna be the “controversial” song of this post but you know what I’m gonna do it anyway. Saarai and D’leah have a very complicated relationship, because on the one hand Saarai does love her mother very much in spite of the horrible things she said and did, and on the other...the last thing that she wants is to turn out like her. And sometimes, sometimes you gotta call your mom out on her toxic shit. Hey Brother - Aviici :: Saarai & Ni’kasi (Familial Love). “What if I lose it all? Oh sister, I will help you out. Oh, if the sky comes falling down, for you...there’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do.” The “brother” part does not apply to the twins, gender-wise, but the essence of this song is undoubtedly Saarai & Ni’kasi’s relationship. When Saarai thought she had no-one else, Ni’kasi was there to pick up the pieces and get her back onto her feet. They’re ride or die till the very end, wherever Saarai leads, she knows Ni’kasi will follow her.
Son of A Gun - Lord Huron :: Saarai & Tsâhis (Romantic ”Love”, though I’mma be very clear here that he was a manipulative abusive asshole, but Saarai loved him so...quotation marks. Y’get it yeah? Good.) “Well she fell in love with that son of a gun, but he was not the man that she took him for.”  This line in particular sums it up. Saarai was young, naive and a perfect target for someone like Tsâhis to take advantage of because she didn’t know any better and believed him when he said he “loved her”, only for him to pull the rug out from under her feet later on. (he got his tho, don’t worry 😈)
Youth - Glass Animals :: Saarai & Tyûk (Maternal Love). This is the closest I can find to a song that sums up their relationship, I have a lot of thoughts about it but there are very few songs (that I’ve found) that touch upon the essence of Saarai & Ty’s relationship. D’leah chose to blame Ty for his father’s actions, Saarai chose the opposite. She chose to love him in spite of what his father had done to her, and to make sure he grew up feeling safe, loved, and learnt to be better than that.
Curses - The Crane Wives :: Saarai/Sash (Romantic Love) Both Saarai and Sash have had difficult pasts, with a lot of emotional trauma, and they both had hurdles they had to overcome in order for their relationship to truly work and stay healthy. But with each others’ support, they’ve managed it and are all the closer for it. If you asked either of them where “home” was, they’d say the other’s name.
Sorry I Stole Your Girlfriend - Stereo Skyline :: Saarai/Lana/Koth (Romantic Love). Okay, I really really wanted to pick a more serious song from their playlist for them, BUT....this song is the song that started this ship in my brain so here we are. LMAO  Originally, this popped into my brain as an idea of  Saarai’s response to Koth’s attempt at getting between them in that scene of KOTFE on the Gravestone. Koth and Saarai’s moral compasses are very similar and I wanted them to sit down and have a proper, healthy discussion about their feelings instead of becoming enemies and sort of agreeing not to hold a grudge against each other, though I didn’t expect for that piece to get away from me and for Saarai to end up developing feelings for Koth too, I can’t say I’m unhappy with it. I love them and I will fight anyone who tells me I can’t make them an OT3, I can, I will, and I have. >:) (Healthy Polyam Good, Love Triangles Are Fucking Stupid (tm). No I am not taking criticism on this lmao) Though Saarai & Koth’s relationship isn’t sexual in any way, they love each other just as much as they love Lana, just express it differently. So even though the snideness of this song doesn’t really apply to them, I kept it in their playlist and it also became their ship name because it was too good to pass up, though “Stole” is in inverted commas as it’s definitely more of an inside joke between the three of them than actually seriously accusing them of stealing each others’ girlfriend. 🤣 (as always, Saarai & Koth thinks it’s hilarious, Lana rolls her eyes at the stupid pun but also secretly thinks it’s funny as hell)
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TGF Thoughts: 4x01-- The Gang Deals with Alternate Reality
I had a lot to say about this one, guys. 
Welcome back! I see this season TGF has decided to be It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Is this some sort of joke about how last season it was always raining? Is every title going to be like this? And where are the numbers!? There is no counting of any kind in this episode title! 
When you think about it, the central argument of this episode-- that 45’s election brought new life to resistance movements that would’ve otherwise laid dormant-- is also my central argument about why TGF is a good show instead of a passable one. Remember how in season one the point of the show was supposed to be a fake scandal about Maia? 
So it’s fitting that we begin season four by going back to the show’s pilot: Inauguration Day. Only this time, Diane is happily watching Hillary Clinton’s inauguration. Did I say happily? I meant ecstatically. 
As Diane pops champagne, the TV goes to static-- something’s off-- and the credits begin. Same credits as season 3 but with one key difference: things are coming together rather than exploding. I see what you did there. (The TVs still explode, though, and they still have the real 45 on them.)
Yeah I didn’t need to see the credits to know the Kings wrote this one. 
I think the notes the Kings left in the script for this episode for Brooke Kennedy just said, “Make Diane look like a glamorous badass.” I’m like one minute in and she’s already popped champagne and worn trendy sunglasses.
Brooke’s directing in this episode is so stylish and it might be my favorite ep she’s ever done? The showiness (and sometimes campy performances) REALLY work for the tone of this episode. 
Diane takes the elevator to work and looks quizzical. One may be tempted to ask how Diane knows to go to RBL if it’s the day after inauguration and she’s still at Lockhart Deckler whatever (one may then snark that RBL is in the LG space so she’d go there no matter what). The answer is: dream logic! 
(But really, little disorienting moments like that-- and yes, I know this was probably only disorienting for me and one other person-- help the episode work long before we know this isn’t a true alternate universe.)
Marissa is waiting at reception to inform Diane that HRC’s press secretary is in her office. Diane then asks Marissa who the president is, and Marissa asks Diane if she’s microdosing again. Ha! Also, that’s another clear clue that something’s up-- Diane wouldn’t have already microdosed right after inauguration. And why would Diane have microdosed in this AltVerse? Again-- dream logic. And I love it. In episodes like this, when things don’t add up, it’s wonderfully disorienting instead of frustrating. (Plus, this line is a knowing wink at fans about the absurdity of the microdosing storyline.)
Marissa confirms that it’s 2020 in show time. Diane has a flash of a selection of horrific images that have come out of these last few years, then says, ”God, have you ever had a dream that is so real that it takes you a long time to wake up?” I wish.
Diane wants to know how Hillary won, and Marissa says she won in a landslide-- 3 million votes. “Same as in my dream,” Diane says. Marissa thinks she means the other candidate had 3 million more votes, and wonders how he won if he had fewer votes. On one hand, Marissa totally knows about the electoral college. On the other hand, would “3 million votes” and hating the electoral college be cliched and top of mind enough to work as the joke in this scene if those votes had actually mattered? Probably not. I doubt many people would be talking about abolishing the electoral college, or that Marissa or even Diane would be SO quick to understand how one could win the popular vote and not the election, if we hadn’t all lived through the past three years. Also dream logic. It’s a great way of explaining things that are out of character.
“Whatever, it’s a dream, it doesn’t have to make sense,” says Marissa, making my point for me.
Oh hello there Lucca, your jacket is very bright. Lucca asks to sit in on Diane’s meeting with the press secretary. Lucca was up for a partnership in 3x10 but in this episode she’s very obviously an underling (and honestly seems a bit lower ranking and hesitant than usual-- I’ll need another episode or two to understand if this is how the writers are writing Lucca, how Diane views Lucca, or just what was easiest for the plot). 
The White House is now asking Diane to take on cases. Way to dream big, Diane!
And Diane will be arguing in front of the Supreme Court! 
In the alternate universe, Liz’s wonderful bathroom belongs to Diane.
Diane gets to do so many things she wouldn’t usually do in this ep, like furiously shake her head to prove to herself she’s not dreaming! 
Diane still has that Girl With Flower As Head painting and I do not believe she would have that painting if HRC were president because it’s too friggin weird. Also has it always had a US flag in the background?
In the alternate universe, Garland and Warren (as in Elizabeth) are both on the court. It’s a good laughline precisely because it’s so plausible. (Well, idk about the Warren part, but she’s a recognizable name.)
Diane looks so happy she could cry when she learns Warren is on the Supreme Court. 
There is a shot of Lucca that is so very clearly from Diane’s POV and I like it. I read a review of this episode that said it didn’t have enough character development. To that I say, one, this isn’t TGW-- this show has always been more about tone and theme, and two, there’s PLENTY here that’s about Diane’s POV and how she views others and thinks of herself. Because it’s dream logic I can’t make nearly as much out of it as I can make out of an episode like A Few Words, but there are little touches here and there. Even this shot of Lucca, where Lucca’s in the center of the frame shot from a high angle, grounds me in Diane’s POV. You could even make an argument about hierarchy based on the angle. 
“Who’s that?” Lucca whispers when Diane asks about Kavanaugh. Diane is elated at that response. 
Somehow we leave Diane’s POV (whatever, it’s a dream so I won’t be as brutal to this choice as I was to a similar but more subtle one in Don’t Fail) and follow Lucca into Adrian’s office. She immediately tells Liz and Adrian she’s concerned about Diane. That sounds like Lucca alright. 
Diane is DANCING in her office as she watches news coverage that isn’t a garbage fire.
I’m curious y’all-- are people in your area cheering at a certain time? Hearing cheers every night during this pandemic is one of the few things I like about this awful moment in time. (My recap writing was just interrupted by cheering, if you couldn’t guess the reason for this abrupt digression.) 
News stories in alternate reality: Cancer has been cured, there is polar bear overpopulation, the rainforest has been saved, 45 is REDUCING the amount of content he’s putting out into the world, and $35,000 is missing from some government agency. Ha. All that and people are hung up on $35,000? Sounds about right, actually.
Diane hugs Liz and Adrian because she feels like a weight has been lifted off of her. I appreciate that Diane acts without restraint or concern for what other people think in this episode. This is central to why I think this episode is actually a pretty good character study: this is who Diane imagines herself to be, more or less. Real Diane, no matter how bizarre things are, probably would handle herself more professionally in a work meeting and probably wouldn’t let feelings like this show. Dream Diane has no reason to double check herself. This is just how she thinks she’d react if there were absolutely no constraints. Not that she’s actively thinking- she’s just doing. 
Diane is very excited to be watching the news, and Adrian thinks she’s nuts-- there are scandals! Like the missing $35k and THE EMAILS. The GODDAMN EMAILS. Even a fictional joke about how they’d still be a scandal makes me mad. Twenty years from now it will still be too soon to remind me of the emails. (And to play Fight Song, that song is cancelled.)
A haircut is also a scandal because sexism.
I admire this show for calling attention to problems on both sides without ever screaming BOTH SIDES ARE EQUALLY BAD. This episode may call out some of the good things that have happened as a result of the 2016 election, but the whole premise of this joke rests on the fact that only one of the two potential administrations could run through a year’s worth of scandals in a day. 
Might circle back to this later on-- btw I write these after watching the whole episode, so I do know what’s going to happen next-- but I don’t think the show is trying to make the case that it’s good 45 was elected. I think they’re trying to ask questions about how the world has changed and cause and effect so we can understand the moment we’re in. Above, I said I liked hearing my neighbors cheer every night. And I could write a lot of words on how that collective activity inspires me, makes me feel connected even when I’ve been stuck inside for a month, etc, how I’ve gotten better about keeping in touch with old friends, whatever, and NONE of that would mean that a global pandemic is a good thing. It just means that like any huge societal phenomenon, its implications are complex. 
TGF and TGW have always, always, always been shows about understanding where we are in time. That’s what this episode does. And it makes sense to do a thought experiment like this now, at the start of season 4, in a season opener. We’ve had enough time living in this world that we can reflect on it.
Diane laughs, because what Diane dream sequence would be complete without a glorious laugh?
Adrian’s kinda suspicious of Hillary. Sure, cancer’s been cured, but it’s not public how or when! 
God it’s weird to hear some of the most absurd happenings of the last three years as punchlines. 
The line about the Obama’s overall deal at Netflix is fire. 
Diane laughs AGAIN. 
Oh right, Harriet Tubman was going to be on the $20 bill. (Is it obvious yet that I am the exact right target for this episode?)
Julius is VERY mad about Hillary’s $500 haircut. Heh. He’s also publicly supporting Trump which is interesting (and probably a dream logic thing; Diane knows he supported Trump therefore in her dream he isn’t ever hesitant to share that he voted for Trump.)
“Only Hillary could cure cancer and turn it into a scandal,” someone else adds. I’m loving all these jokes. He is mad cancer wasn’t cured earlier and that it’s been cured in an election year. This joke is funny because it’s exactly what would happen in this scenario.
I wonder if Julius would be more likely to speak up about his political affiliation if the stakes were lower. If 45 lost, then is supporting him as much of a thing to hide in a place like RBL? People would be mad but they probably would get over their moral opposition to his views a lot faster when it isn’t a real threat.
Diane’s brought in a huge client, which is news to her. And that client is none other than Harvey Weinstein, which… my God this is an interesting thought experiment. 
“I’m amazed you got him away from Lisa Bloom,” Adrian says. YIKES!!!! (If y’all haven’t read Catch and Kill yet, pick up a copy ASAP.)
No one’s heard of Weinstein’s sexual assault issues. I believe it. I mean, I think some women in power might have known before 2017-- I still vividly recall how many journalists reacted to the release of the story not with “Oh my God, how has this been going on for so long?” but with “Holy shit, someone managed to publish a story about this?!”-- but I’ll believe that the general consensus in elite liberal circles was to set the rumors aside and not share them widely.
I can’t watch this episode without thinking about VIP Treatment (2x05 of TGW). That episode, which raises the question of what happens when someone accuses a liberal legend of sexual assault, feels so ahead of its time. It aired in 2010. And I just, right this moment, learned that it was ripped from the headlines about accusations a masseuse made against Al Gore. Guys. I didn’t know there were allegations in 2010 about Al Gore. Is that because I was 16 in 2010 and just never heard of (or forgot about) the story? Is it because he had less power? Is it because of something specific about the reporting or the allegations? Or is it because we as a culture swept it under the rug since it was (allow me to be the millionth person to make this awful joke) an inconvenient truth? 
I don’t know the answers to the above. What I do know is that this episode is making me ask those questions.
In Marissa’s world (“you mean reality?”), 45 bragged about grabbing women by the pussy and then lost the election. And the story ended there. There was no women’s march, no #MeToo.
Sarah Steele gets to react to a lot of things in this episode and it is very delightful to see her say things like, “what are pussy hats?”
Diane looks so angry and stunned when she realizes that Weinstein is still “a thing” in the world. 
He won the Presidential Medal of Freedom because of course he did. 
His wikipedia page says his only controversies are about his managerial style. Yikes.
Marissa’s reaction to the phrase “masturbating into plants” is one of the best things about this episode. I love that she gets so hung up on it. 
Charlie Rose is the first name other than Weinstein that comes to mind for Diane when Marissa asks what other men were serial harassers. I’ve got to think that Rose gets the most attention here in no small part because he was part of the CBS family-- he was even on TGW. 
I’ve seen Annaleigh Ashford in so many things recently. 
Diane handles the meeting with Team Weinstein VERY poorly (she also does not care to handle it well), while Adrian covers with the “all options are open to us” gibberish that Diane absolutely would be able to convincingly deploy in a meeting she couldn’t follow. I point this out because it shows that 1) Diane isn’t behaving the way she would in reality and 2) Diane does not give a fuck. 
If this were reality, would Diane push so hard in this meeting? I don’t know. This situation is so far removed from reality it’s hard to tell. But my sense is that Diane would like to think of herself as someone who would never waver in her commitment to Doing The Right Thing, but she’d probably be a lot more diplomatic-- even in real 2020-- in initial meetings. It’s a bit dated at this point, but in VIP Treatment Diane was hesitant to believe the victim because the man accused of assault was a high profile liberal. To her credit, she does eventually choose the victim over her own politics. But I could totally see Diane-- with no knowledge of the real timeline-- behaving like her friend/HRC’s press secretary Zoe does in this episode.
All that to say: personally, I don’t think #MeToo would’ve caught on to the extent it did if women weren’t already angry. I believe there could have been a hashtag and some stories (maybe even the Weinstein story). But I also believe women felt an urgent need to speak out and organize. And I believe that more women were inclined to believe victims and get angry. And I believe that it was only because of the world in general that #MeToo spread outside of a few online circles. To put it another way, you know how there are sometimes cases of the week on this show where you might know the reference in detail, but if you ask a co-worker or friend about it they’ll know either nothing or only the very basics? I think all of #MeToo could’ve ended up like one of those cases if it hadn’t played out with 2017 in the background.
Dreams aren’t subtle: Weinstein’s publicity tour includes appearances with Charlie Rose and Matt Lauer. (This joke also serves as a reminder that sexual harassment is a systemic problem.)
Diane is SO confrontational in this meeting. Also, the woman they’re meeting with is SO FRIGGIN COMPLICIT. 
Weinstein’s team frames sexual assault allegations-- which are still floating around even in alt2020-- as a Republican conspiracy. I have no doubt they would have used this approach if given the chance. 
I’m on page six and fifteen minutes in, damn.
Adrian, or Diane’s version of Adrian, does not believe women and seems to hate Hillary Clinton a little bit too. An accurate portrayal of Adrian? Lines that betray Diane’s suspicion of where Adrian stands on women’s issues? Or just that Adrian is there to be the person pushing back and it could’ve been anyone? (I think it’s somewhere between the first two, personally. If this could’ve been anyone, why not Liz?) 
In this alternate universe NBC’s refusal to broadcast Ronan Farrow’s investigation is proof of Weinstein’s innocence, because in the alt universe we still apparently have faith in the corporate culture at NBC. (Perhaps the most surprising thing to me about Catch and Kill is that a LOT of it is dedicated to exposing the shit that went down within NBC. It’s fascinating and also makes it crystal clear how assault is a systemic problem and not just a few bad apples you should avoid being alone with.)
Adrian’s reaction when Diane mentions Reddick (Adrian knows nothing of the accusations in this universe) changes the tone of this scene in an instant and it’s breathtaking. This is the one moment in the episode where she knows she has to shut up. 
The one thing about this ep I am not sure I buy is that the firm is struggling because of the rise in corporate taxes. But I know so little about this issue I don’t care if it’s right or wrong. 
After Diane leaves Adrian’s office, Liz asks, “What about my dad?” meaning she somehow heard the conversation through the wall. (The door was definitely closed so either their office design is worse than I thought or it’s just dream logic.) Diane doesn’t share the rumor with Liz.
Lucca is for some reason on this case, and they are for some reason in court on the same day they learned about the case. And the best part is that I don’t have to worry about whether or not this is plausible BECAUSE IT’S ALL A DREAM
Another thing I’ll say about this ep-- it’s pace remarkably well. The opening previews what’s to come, there’s just enough happy liberal utopia with funny jokes at the start, the Weinstein twist comes at the right moment, and the shift to the more dark, character focused scenes that wrap up the episode come exactly when the writers have gotten as much mileage as they can out of this premise. I knew this episode would be fantastic the moment I saw it was only 41 minutes long.
The judge keeps saying the opposing counsel’s full name, Ann Howard. Is this supposed to be a familiar name to me? I am not getting the reference. 
The judge’s ruling is basically that no one would take the risk involved in assaulting someone at work these days so the case must be bogus. And then we see, immediately (because, dream) that the judge is totally corrupt and just wants to get his daughter an internship with Weinstein. 
“Justice is an equation. Justice equals the law times the zeitgeist. The law on its own doesn’t stand up. You need the mood of the times on your side,” Diane eloquently explains. That’s basically what this episode is saying. To put it more simply: Context matters and nothing happens in a vacuum. (TGF and TGW were always about the context-- you simply couldn’t do a show about a woman standing by her cheating politician husband and being REVERED for it in 2020. That’s not about the law, but the same principle applies.)
Lucca says they won, so the zeitgeist worked for them-- and how could it be against women when the president is a woman? Remember how the Kings used to say that TGF was going to be about Diane retiring because she thought the glass ceiling had been shattered? I always thought that sounded wrong, but this episode is helping me understand what they were thinking a little bit. 
Lucca calls out Diane, a bit abruptly, on how only the woman partners probably would get to say “no more” if there were to be a women’s movement because the associates can’t risk it. Lucca’s right and she’s wrong-- her words underestimate how mainstream and trendy it’s become to publicly talk about sexual harassment, but she’s 100% right that there are still underlying power dynamics.
Diane’s Lucca is V V V V V V V concerned with power dynamics and VERY much wants to be higher ranking. On the one hand, actual Lucca wants to rank higher too. On the other, is there a piece of Diane that sees Lucca as power hungry? 
Lucca’s asked to take documents to Weinstein, and she’s flattered. Diane, like every viewer, sees this as a car crash in slow motion. She knows exactly what will happen when Lucca gets to his hotel with the documents. But Lucca, who’s in the dark, only knows it’s a good opportunity to impress a huge client.
Diane tells Weinstein’s… whatever she is? That she is “Harvey’s pimp” and she is not wrong. Also since I don’t actually know this woman’s job title I’ll just refer to her that way moving forward.
(See what I mean about Diane just saying things that are totally unprofessional bc this is a dream Diane who does what she wants and not actual Diane making tough decisions?)
Lucca is REALLY bitter about how Diane is always taking opportunities away from her. They’re definitely trying to do something with Lucca in this episode but as I said earlier, I think I need to see what they have planned for the rest of the season before I can fully understand what they’re going for. 
Diane tells Lucca exactly what is going to happen when she goes to drop off the papers. Lucca won’t hear it, so Diane asks Marissa to keep an eye on her.
Another possibility for what they’re trying to do with Lucca (and Adrian): Maybe it’s supposed to be about how different Types would react-- the powerful man who benefits from not questioning things and has some latent sexism issues; the ambitious young woman who gets caught in a bad situation because she’s trying to move her career forward. The more I think about it, the more I think this is what they’re going for-- and the question I should be asking is what does it mean about Adrian and Lucca (in terms of how the writers see them, in terms of how Diane sees them) that they can take on these roles so easily?
(It may say nothing about Diane because… idk, do YOU do thoughtful character analysis in your sleep? Because I don’t!)
Marissa is still stuck on the plants and I love it.
Lucca catches Marissa right away, but all that accomplishes is that both of them clearly see that Diane is right. These scenes feel a little unnecessary (they’re also not in Diane’s POV, though surely dreams can have tangents) and I think they’re only here to illustrate how the system works. I can’t imagine this scene is teaching many people new information.
Also there’s… just not another scene with Lucca in this episode? And I don’t know if I feel like that’s a bad thing or like it’s part of dream logic? I think it’s probably just bad plotting that the unnecessary sequence ends abruptly and doesn’t return.
“With the presidency, women can do whatever they want,” says one of Diane’s liberal friends at a women’s event. I’m… not 100% sure anyone would say this. If this were true why would they even be having a gala for a women’s charity? But point taken. People love this type of statement.
So Diane’s extremely low cut dress like has a mesh thing covering her exposed chest??I can’t figure it out. 
Weinstein is also a hero to everyone at the feminist charity. When Diane hears this, she gives an interview to a reporter about having a long way to go, which I 100% believe would be the message no matter reality we’re in what because literally no one is going to say please donate to my cause we have no battles left to fight BUT I DIGRESS. Diane tries to ignite #MeToo (and even name checks Tarana Burke, so that’s awesome) and is quickly cut off.
Then, after giving the interview, she has Jay (hello!) set her up on Twitter. Dream Diane is revealing just how little she understands how social media works. She also wants to link to a “Me Too Site” which is… not how any of this works, Diane.
Diane sees herself on the news-- she’s mostly cut from the piece and her words are taken out of context. 
Adrian and Liz stare Diane down for calling Weinstein’s pimp a pimp and Diane defends herself. Liz doesn’t believe this either. Diane is asked to sign a VERY RIDICULOUS (like it sounds like 45 more than anything else) apology letter and laughs. 
Liz reminds her that they’re close to bankruptcy and that they’ve defended killers before (oh, and, most relevant-- the assholes to avoid case, I can’t believe I went to 205 to think about how Diane would react in a more nuanced present day situation when I had that example!), why would Diane draw the line here? “Everyone deserves a defense. Just not everyone deserves MY defense,” Diane says. You know it’s a dream when a character on this show actually says that. Do you know how many times (if you’re still reading this you probably do know) I have written something to the effect of “SAYING EVERYONE DESERVES REPRESENTATION IS NOT THE SAME AS REPRESENTING THEM YOURSELF, LIZ/DIANE/ADRIAN/WILL/ALICIA/CARY/LUCCA/WHOEVER”? It’s been a lot. 
(Here is something I wrote in a case in which Diane, at the height of #MeToo, defended some assholes for money: “‘I wouldn’t say hate. We’re obligated,’ Diane says. Ohhh yes this is a new pet peeve. Y’all are not obligated. You were not assigned this case. You chose to take it for the money.”)
Idk what my point is here, maybe that this feels like a dream because the characters are never this principled in reality.
Zoe, the press secretary, wants Diane to shut down #MeToo. Lucca’s there too, but she says nothing (despite the experience she may have just had, because dream). Zoe doesn’t want women to get angry about abuse because “that’s not the message that helps us in 2020.” Ooof. But I buy it. I am not sure if it’s ACCURATE that anger wouldn’t help but I can completely see campaign staffers being afraid it would hurt, especially given that Bill Clinton has… more than a few issues. 
This scene veers into Diane’s POV. The camera gets closer and closer to her as she feels boxed in, and Liz, Adrian, and the pimp stare accusingly at her. Suddenly she realizes she doesn’t know where Kurt is because she’s spent the last few days at work. I think the most dream-like thing about this is the way Kurt just suddenly pops into the dream and shifts the tone of the whole thing. 
She runs off. Liz and Adrian ask Diane to step back from the firm for Weinstein and she’s like, okay, I’m going home, “I don’t know how I changed my clothes, I went to that event last night and I have different clothes on now and I don’t know where Kurt is.” I LOVE watching this whole episode twist into something this weird.
When Diane gets home, there’s a man fixing her door. He’s watching Trump TV, which is currently airing Felix Staples singing “This Wall is Your Wall” and honestly this is the best use of Felix Staples in the show so far.
The man fixing Diane’s door also remembers reality. He doesn’t know why he’s fixing Diane’s door. It’s disorienting. 
Diane gets a beer with the man fixing her door and wonders about if she even likes this world where HRC is president (or if the problem is just that she doesn’t believe it). (I think she’d like it just fine if she experienced it linearly, tbh.)
Sexy gun lady from a previous episode is back, and Kurt’s guns are missing because he didn’t want them to be confiscated (I do not believe this would ever be a policy but this is a full on illogical dream right now) and now Diane is talking to the TV.
“I’m in the car, right?” Diane says while standing in her bedroom and pretending to grab a steering wheel. Heh. 
Diane drives to a cabin in the woods (the way this is shot is SO atmospheric) and finds Kurt, in shadow, in the woods. So THIS is what Robert King was going for in Mind’s Eye in the clumsily directed scene with fake Will in shadow. Gotta say, the whole “person you love and can’t quite picture” thing works a ton better when it is obvious it’s an intentional style choice.
This scene is so weird because suddenly politics doesn’t matter and Diane only cares about Kurt and also Kurt might be dead? I am not sure I understand what this is saying. And I’m pretty sure I spent the entirety of this scene the first time through alternating between thinking “ooh pretty”, “this is what 614 wanted to be,” and “please don’t kill Kurt!!”
Kurt pulls Diane to reality and gets her to recap where we left off. She wakes up on the floor of her bedroom. She and Kurt have both, thankfully, survived Book Club’s SWATting. 
HA the first thing Diane says when she wakes up is “What happened?” which… that HAS to be intentional right???? 
To check that Diane is of sound mind, one of the agents asks her how many fingers he’s holding up and who’s president. She laughs. 
This episode is UNDER 40 minutes if you exclude the credits and promo.
Guess we’re not doing recap songs.
Had a lot to say about this one. I’ve liked TGW’s mind-y episodes more, but that’s not really a fair comparison since the point of this wasn’t character study… it was tone setting.
What this episode does NOT give me is a sense of what season 4 will be about, other than the usual absurdity. 
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Omfg thank you for your precious answer you're my favorite tumblr !! I have so many things I'd like to ask you bc you explain so well lol, first of all what do you think of the story of Tony Manero ? Do you think he tells the truth with his story ? Again thank you for your answer love youuuu
Hey again, dear anon! (I’m assuming you’re the one from before) Thank you so much for your kind words! I’m truly happy you're enjoying the blog, and that it is engaging enough to make you want to ask questions. I’m more than happy to try my best at answering them because I learn a lot in the research for these posts too!
For context, Tony Manero was a Brooklyn singer/dancer (who claims to be the inspiration for the main character in 1977′s Saturday Night Fever, though no movie-related source mentions it).
He comes up frequently in Beatles’ fandom circles as a “key witness” in the ongoing case of John Lennon’s sexuality. His testimony appears in Geoffrey Giuliano’s Glass Onion (1999), where he is interviewed on his encounter with John Lennon on the streets of New York City, on May 1974:
TONY MANERO*
Interview
New York, Summer 1992
Question: Tell me your story about meeting John Lennon.
Tony Manero: It was back in May of 1974. I saw three guys walking down the block. John was always my idol. I went up to him and said, "I know a lot of people hassle you, but I just want to thank you for your music. I've enjoyed you and you've helped me through a lot of emotional times." Outside Jimmy's Bar in Greenwich Village he said, "Why don't you come inside for a drink?"
Question: Who else was with him?
Tony: Harry Nilsson was also there. After we ordered drinks, John switched seats to be next to me. He said to me, "Are you gay?" When I told him I wasn't, he looked really disappointed. He could have been joking, but he wasn't. My initial reaction was fear. And yet I wouldn't leave because it was John Lennon. I said to him, "No, man. I don't go that way." "Are you sure?" he said, "Look, I'll take you to Hollywood." John was calling me "the pretty one." He told me, "You're the prettiest chick I've seen all day." He said, "You look like a pretty little Indian or Arab chick," because of my color skin. I remember Harry was borrowing one hundred bills from him.
Question: Then what happened?
Tony: At one stage I went out, and when I came back he was talking to this woman and he said "She said, 'I thought he was Paul, meaning McCartney.'" So John turns around and says, "No, he's prettier than Pauly. He's got a nicer mouth than Pauly. Pauly's got a small mouth." Then he turned to me and said, "Let's go get some chicks." This man was giving me a dream to pay millions for. I hung out with him. John almost admitted his gay tendencies. He put his arm around me. He said, "It feels good to hold someone. You know what I mean?" Prior to that he said, "There's nothing wrong with being gay. Two people exchanging feelings is not wrong. Did you ever try it?" People were following us. We were wasted and he put his arm around one girl and said "Suck my cock." He stuck his tongue down her throat. We were loaded. Somebody stole the hat right off his head! He was so nice. I remember we had a hamburger. Later we went to his hotel rooms, 1608, -9, and -10. There was Harry's bedroom, John's, and a living room with a keyboard. He gave me a guitar, but it was later stolen. He propositioned me in the street. Hassled me if I'd ever made love to a male. "Will you give me head, man?" he asked. But I wouldn't do it. "Come on, Tony, why won't you give me head?" We went back to his hotel and he propositioned me again. After John died I wished I'd done it. He tried to kiss me. He put his arm around me. He was making moves on me like a guy would make on a woman. We were on the couch and we lay down. I said, "Wow, maybe I should have." I never asked him if he'd had sex with a man, but it was obvious to me he had. I was at the hotel for a few days. But he never bothered me in the middle of the night. He never attempted it again. There were feelings and looks. He was very loving, like when a guy is very lonely. The man was bisexual - there is no two ways about it. He was feeling me out.
Question: What do you say to people who might not believe your story?
Tony: John did come on to me. He did try to make love to me. He asked me to perform a lewd act - that's the truth. The man was bisexual - there's no two ways about it. Any of his fans who can't dig that, I'm sorry, because if you listen to his music, sensitivity and experiencing is what it's all about.*Tony Manero was the inspiration behind the seventies film Saturday Night Fever and a successful New York businessman.
— in Geoffrey Giuliano’s Glass Onion: The Beatles In Their Own Words (1999), part Seven: Friends (pages 315-317).
Concerning Manero’s recollections, some familiar elements pop up.
There is "It feels good to hold someone. You know what I mean?" which seems to echo Paul’s recollections of his last hug with John, where the latter commented, “It’s good to touch.” It is a classical example of John craving physical affection.
"There's nothing wrong with being gay. Two people exchanging feelings is not wrong. Did you ever try it?" reminded me immediately of the poem John submitted for Len Richmond and Gary Noguera's Gay Liberation Handbook, on 30 May 1972.
Why make it sad to be gay?
Doing your thing is O.K.
Our bodies our own
So leave us alone
Go play with yourself - today.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Also, there are his comparisons to Paul, "No, he's prettier than Pauly. He's got a nicer mouth than Pauly. Pauly's got a small mouth." 
First, there’s the use of the adjective pretty, which he’s used for Paul before:
I remember we were going down to the studio [...] and there was a great crowd pressing against the car. John was sitting in the back and he said, “Push Paul out first. He’s the prettiest.”
—Victor Spinetti, in the documentary You Can’t Do That! The Making of ‘A Hard Day’s Night’ (1995).
Also, there’s “that Paulie business” (note that’s it’s Paulie, not Pauly; and John will object if you use it, especially in a condescending way!).
Moreover, to me, the whole exchange strikes the same tongue-in-cheek tone as this late 1975 interview:
John: Yes, all your best friends let you know what's going on. I was trying to put it 'round that I was gay, you know-- I thought that would throw them off... dancing at all the gay clubs in Los Angeles, flirting with the boys... but it never got off the ground.
Q: I think I've only heard that lately about Paul.
John: Oh, I've had him, he's no good. [Laughter]
— John Lennon, interviewed by Lisa Robinson for Hit Parader: A conversation with John Lennon (December 1975).
John had already insinuated his relationship with Paul in a similar way in this humorous self-interview:
Q. Have you ever fucked a guy?
A. Not yet, I thought I’d save it til I was 40, life begins at 40 you know, tho I never noticed it.
Q. It is trendy to be bisexual and you’re usually ‘keeping up with the Jones’, haven’t you ever… there was talk about you and PAUL…
A. Oh, I thought it was about me and Brian Epstein… anyway, I’m saving all the juice for my own version of THE REAL FAB FOUR BEATLES STORY etc.. etc..
Q. It seems like you’re saving quite a lot for when you’re 40...
A. Yes, there might be nothing better to do, tho I don’t believe it.
— John Lennon, interview conducted by/on John Lennon, and/or Dr Winston O’boogie, for Andy Warhol’s Interview Magazine (November 1974).
I introduce all of this because if there’s one thing I at first found odd in Manero’s account, it was John’s forwardness. John doesn’t strike me as a guy to openly proposition another man. Was he really just super keen on it? Was he getting liquid courage from all the substances? Was he trying to get those rumours off the ground? A mix of all three? 
But perhaps it’s wrong to look at 1974 as just a normal year. 
Lennon’s Lost Weekend was the time of his life where we can see him be the most publicly vocal about his curiosity. He was open about being open. 
And striking friendships with gay musicians like Elton John probably gave him someone who he could talk to, or at least explore the world of gay bars with. Whatever gets you through the night, it’s alright, after all. 
One of those “dancing at all the gay clubs” episodes has been recounted by musician and music producer Mark Hudson. In a “weird but beautiful” moment, John urged the group to join him on the dancefloor, when The Three Degrees’ ‘When Will I See You Again’ came playing through the speakers and he exclaimed, “I love this song!” 
Because it’s always informative to pay close attention to the songs that were resonating with them at any particular time, I’ll provide the lyrics to ‘When Will I See You Again’ (released in the US on September 1974):
Precious moments
When will I see you again
When will we share precious moments
Will I have to wait forever
Will I have to suffer
And cry the whole night through?
When will I see you again
When will our hearts beat together?
Are we in love or just friends?
Is this my beginning
Or is this the end?
When will I see you again?
May Pang reports in her book, Loving John (1983), that after she and John left LA to go back to NY — where, after some time at The Pierre hotel, they moved to small penthouse apartment on East Fifty-second Street, around July 1974 —  the McCartney’s had paid them a visit.
John would spend the next two months recording Walls And Bridges, before releasing it on 26 September 1974. It included tracks such as the aforementioned ‘Whatever Gets You Through The Night’, ‘#9 Dream’ and also the beautiful ‘Bless You’:
Bless you wherever you are
Windswept child on a shootin' star
Restless spirits depart
Still we're deep in each other's hearts
Some people say it's over
Now that we spread our wings
But we know better, darlin'
The hollow ringIs only last year's echo, oh-oh
Bless you whoever you are
Holding her now, be warm and kind-hearted
And remember though love is strange
Now and forever our love will remain
As a song, I think it's the best piece of work on the album, although I worked harder on some of the other tracks. In retrospect, that seems to be the best track, to me.
— John Lennon, interviewed after the release of the album, cited in John Blaney’s John Lennon: Listen to This Book (2005).
(I’m sorry, I got sidetracked by their love for one another...)
But getting back to Manero’s story, you asked me if I think it is the truth or not. And honestly, there’s really no way to be completely certain of the veracity of these accounts. Having said that, I don’t really see this story as the scandalous, explosive news it is often made out to be. Not because I think it might be untrue, necessarily, but because I personally feel like John’s interests in homosexuality come through in his own words, as we’ve seen in the previous post.
For me, it seems clear that there was an attraction there. Now, an even more interesting question, I feel, is how much of that attraction was about the physicality of the male body; how much was about the contact with one’s softer, more sensitive side, not allowed in the classic moulds of toxic masculinity; and how much of it was seeking sexual contact as a way to epitomize emotional intimacy? 
And with the complexity of human beings, it is fair and likely that there were little bits of all three elements involved. But perhaps, it’s best to continue that line of thought in another post...
But what do you guys think? I'd really like to hear your thoughts on the subject!
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heyyylittlemo · 4 years
Text
Ask game
1. Where did you hide the body??
Me: *pause* No, where did you hide the body—
*police stare at me with disbelief*
Me: there’s no—there’s not a single body here—well stop looking at me like that, you’re the cop! You should know! Why are you asking me for! Body? Whaaaaaat. Ahaha.
*cops shake head*
*whispers to my friend* Guys I think I pulled that one off
Police: you know we can hear everything you’re saying
me: 👁👄👁
2. Favorite rock? The 1975. Dominic Fike. Arctic Monkeys. Bad Suns. The killers. Pale Waves. Etc. That good good shit 👌
3. Most aesthetic season? Fall. Love them orange colors. The leaves falling. Though spring is also neat if you have a bunch of flowers bloomin in shit and winter is only aesthetic when it’s snowing. Boring ass summer tho just be heating me up.
4. When texting do u shorten words or spell out? I used to write stuff out all the time mostly but now it’s like half and half bcuz its just faster and nobody got time for it 🤣🤣
5. Vintage stuff? Hell yeah, but maybe not anything too expensive since some old stuff IS hyper expensive.
6. Colors that pop or blend? Not sure I understand what u mean abt them blending ahaha u mean like when they’re so similar to another?? Well I think it’s nice but honestly I prefer a pop and a bang, y’Know?
- At this moment I realized I was answering the last few questions from a completely different ask and felt like a dumbass 😂 anyways the actual number we’re on is three so imma just kickback
3. Worst dream u have ever had? I had sleep paralysis but was imbetween that and a lucid dream. At first I was paralyzed and could see my bed but my eyes felt closed and open at the same time?? A giant dark demon looking dog had towered over me and began to tear at my neck. It looked and felt very real I started to try to scream and it felt like a scream was coming out but no sound exited. Then I went into a lucid dream where I was being chased by this dog and running for my life I was running by and nobody could save me nobody in the dream when it caught up to me I was back in my bed and it was trying to eat me again. I was so terrified I couldn’t sleep for a whole week.
4. Lyric that comes to your mind? “And I don’t think I can be there. I’m paralyzed,I’m terrified of being alone. When you said I deserved what had happened.”
5. Blood make u uncomfortable? Yes, I passed out once when getting my finger pricked and a VERY small blood sample and another when dissecting a fish.
6. Even or odd numbers? Well I like the number 5,7,9, 3 so odd. (Like me 🤣🤣)
7. Something I hate that I love? Anything I’ve ever loved becuz love can be frustrating. Bruh.
8. 1st initial of someone I hate? Hmm...do I hate someone tho? Not that I can think of...
9. *Skipping down the lane* NOPE
10. Corn dogs? It’s funny cuz when I think of corn dogs my mind will always go to when we first moved to our current house because at our initial town we never had Sonic and while we were getting the house fixed up and moving stuff we use to always get Sonic since it was the closest to us most times to eat and that was a bunch of corn dogs and hotdog days 🤣 so thnk u corn dogs for ur service
11. I’m not a huge movie person so...I looked up movies from 2005 and movies Inlike from this time are Brokeback mountain bcuz it’s gay af, Shark Boy and Lava Girl damn I rewatched the shot out of it when I was younger, Narnia and the Chocolate Factory(although it low key creeped me out as a kid, and idk why).
12. Least fav music genre? Most country, most EDM, dubstep, screaming/really hard rock, some pop music, mumble raping.
13. As someone who waits on tables, my job is my least favorite restaurant experience 🤣🤣 just dealing with ppl...like ok, I’m half Hispanic right?? But I look white. Well, I work at a Mexican restaurant and so sometimes racist costumers will say shady shit just bcuz I guess they think it’s appropriate to say it to me just bcuz I’m not Hispanic in their eyes?? But it pisses me off and I feel like I can’t say anything without causing a drama which I hate and when the “costumers always right” it can be hard to budge and stand up and say “bitch wtf did u just say??” And there’s just folks who take things the wrong ways or ask too much at once or give u a hard time or just say something that sticks onto you for the whole day. One bad move can turn my whole day upside down.
14. 3 things never come near me? Cockroaches, Needles, and close mind ppl
15. Worst way to die? With regrets. Something really brutual, random, or where something just happened to go wrong (accident). Being killed by someone u love.
16. Unusual habits? Doing a Michael Jackson esque “hee-hee” after every sneeze I make, being extremely clumsy and making every task 100% more difficult, having the ability to talk as if I have an accent that comes from nowhere in particular just stupidity also I can’t speak my own language half the time 🙃getting words confused or misusing them in a sentence so I sound dumb having a very weird imagination and thoughts, I swear it like I never went to school and don’t know how the world works, plus many many more
17. Clothing style u want? I want to dress in a way that screams who I am and is a blend of both femininity and masculinity. A little vintage. Grunge. Urban maybe?? What do I know abt fashion 🤣🤣
18. Song or artist that deserves more? Dijon, hands down. I love his stuff. He’s like Frank Ocean meets light-singing beautiful lyricist with a more rock vibe?? Hidden gem. I also think Durand Jones & the Indications needs more love along with BadBadNotGood they sound like old-times but are new!! Oh, and Pale Waves is like a female The 1975 and kicks it. Bad Suns is a good alt rock band that no one seems to recognize :,D Toro y Moi too! His song with Flume “The difference “ is a banger!! Kid Cudi is my man when I want a blend of rock and rap. Also Dominic Fike,King Krule, and Roy Blair, who are all amazing!! Ok I need to stop 🛑
Duck I answered the past questions from a different post I’m sorry 😐
17. Emoji never used? There’s a bunch since I reuse the same over and over again. Lmao
18. 3 sentence Gatorade horror story? A faint quiver overtook the small freezer the Gatorade lay in; no one had come by in days, hours, weeks; when was the last time he met the lips of a thirsty body? They’d forgotten about him, as his last sips remained glued to his hollowing entrance. ‘Help, ‘it wanted to say, but it’s frozen lips could not be moved; It’d stay here, die here...just like the rest.” What am I doing with my life 🤣🙏
19. Do u know what an old bay is? A bay that is old? And old ocean? Idk!!!
20. Can u dance? Sometimes I dance when I’m alone but nothing spectral lol
21. What first comes to ur mind when u see ropes? 2 extremes. Sex and death. Hm. Ok. Moving on.
22. Make an obscure reference. “Even a bra couldn’t hold these nipples” *Holds a water gun to chest*
23. Fav balloon color? Pink or yellow.
24. If u were in court would u be innocent or guilty? Depends, what am I in court for 🤣 lmao jk honestly idk bcuz I don’t think I’d wind up in there
25. Are u hungry ? Nope
26. Unlucky number? Hm I don’t think so but I have a lucky number “123”
27. What’s “JMD”stand for? I’m guessing...Jamming my d—- 💀lol jk ahaha why am so dirt
28. Random inside joke? *chirpy squeak* I’m making a double batch of cookies
29. What sends chills up ur spine? Seeing disgust food or smell disgust or talking abt disgust things like gore
30. How many questions are in ur inbox? A pathetic zero ahaha no one want to ask me anything 😂
31. Someone real who scares u. 2 of my ex friends. One when I was 10 said disturbing things and I was kinda forced onto the friendship and everything they said make me fear for others lives...and then a different ex friend who seemed normal at 1st but became both low key psychopath cult leader type stuff and I booed out of there—-.
32. Run or hide? Uhh probably hide because I’d say even if ppl say “u can run but u can’t hide” u CAN just hide! that’s the point of hiding they not find u xD also why not combine them? Hide then run somewhere far away once I got them off the trial.
33. Last person who made u angry? A frickin beetle that flew at me and pinched me in the middle of singing in the shed xD also my autocorrect
34. What’s going on in ur head? I should probably pee soon—
35. Little thing that makes u Smile? A lot of little things bruh.
36. Are u a descisive person?
Not sure.
*pAuse *
Ok, I guess I’m not then 🤣
37. Would ppl say I’m paranoid? Hm maybe about certain things social situations, singing in front of others what ppl think abt me etc etc
38. Store least likely in? Any southern clothes shop, Abercrombie & Finch types shit, lol
39. Do I like hats fave type? Hm not wear many hats but I think they’re cool any type is cool for different ppl and their aesthetici just can’t rock a hat.
40. Bow ties or ties? Don’t really care but now want to see more bow ties
41. Who? You.
42. What? Reading this shit
43. Where? In ur ass
44. When? Now.
45. Why? Not even u know why.
46. How? We all want to know
47. Do u collect anything? Vinyl records.
48. What tome is it? Time to get a watch
49. Fav transportation? My car or walk is possible
50. Would u ever kill someone to save someone? Don’t want to think about that
51. Make a joke. Yo, it’s time to make a joke—so the other day I was working. And I was practicing my Spanish, yes? Anyone whose trying to learn anew language k n o w s that sometimes words can be so close to another u just confuse then! So apparently churros in Spanish is a desert but if u say it more harshly (it literally sounds almost the same) it makes a whole different meaning—diharrea, but like I didn’t know that so I legit just walked up to this person and asked if they would like some shit to eat. So yeah, that was great. Let’s not forget that I mixed up blood, watermelon, and sangria which is a wine. I legit once said I had mixed wine in my vines and another time watermelon 🤣
52. I’m really confused so I skip
53. Would ur dash be confiscated SFW? By dash do u mean this account? Um not 😬
54. Do I like to cuddle? Hell yeah and manhandle ppl all the time it’s my affection
55. What makes u angry? Close minded ppl or ppl who jump too fast to conclusions, strict schedules just dumb stuff that people try to force when I just want to be carefree 😭✌️
56. How many voices are in ur head? 😐
57. Do U consider urself mentally stable? 😐
58. Are u easily offended? Well U just called me mentally unstable and asked it there was voices in my head!!
59. What’s wrong with taking the backstreets? Uhm...
60. Any questions u want ppl to ask u? Nothing in particular but it’s be nice if someone care to ask me something abt me from personal question to my opinions on shit to 19 days fandom related junk 😌
Woooo I’ve finished this game! Thanks to @seiji-amasawa for introducing me to this ^^
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rainforestgeek · 4 years
Note
Ok I'll hit you. #1-20 please, if you're up for it :)
1. who is the hardest character for you to write?
Hmm. Maybe Pidge. She’s a challenge because she’s an emotional person but she’s not in-touch with her emotions.
Okay, actually the HARDEST is Allura. She and I are such unbelievably different people and it’s so hard to get inside her head.
2. who is the easiest character for you to write?
Lance. For all that he’s wonderfully complex, he’s so external that he’s just not difficult to write. Unlike Pidge, he knows when he feels all the things so I don’t have to hide his motivations from him, if that makes sense. He usually knows why he’s doing what he’s doing - even if it’s dumb as hell.
Also, I get to pour all my stupidest, weirdest jokes into his dialogue! I don’t have to think “is that funny enough to include?” If it’s funny, great! If it’s not, it’s still totally in-character for Lance.
3. How do you know if your writing is “in character”?
Part gut feeling, part review. There have been times when I wrote a scene and thought “this is contrived,” so I take a closer look to see what’s bothering me.
I put a lot of effort into understanding the characters’ psychology. Most of the time, before I write a conversation, I think about what mood they’re in and what subconscious stuff might be driving them unknowingly. That last one is actually a great source of conflict.
Once I’m really in tune with a character, it’s like they’re making the decisions and I’m just the conduit. I once wrote a Plance scene that was just supposed to be a straight confession and getting together fluffy moment, but Lance and Pidge were like “nope, gonna fight,” and boom, the fic was another chapter long
4. Where do your story ideas come from?
Thin air.
For real, it depends on the story. Sometimes it’s “but what if this happened instead?” and sometimes the idea pops up out of nowhere and I jot it down to expand on it later.
5. Do you tell the people in your life that you write fics?
I’m very particular about whom I tell, but yes. My family and closest friends already know I’m weird as hell, and when I get an especially awesome comment on a fic I want to tell my mom and say “that’s the good part of the internet!”
6. What has been the hardest fic for you to write?
Lemme scroll through ao3 for a sec...
Prompts are challenging for me, don’t know why exactly. In another way, smut can be hard (ha) because I don’t want to rewrite the same sex scene each time so I gotta come up with new acts, descriptors, turn-ons, etc.
Oh, like specific fics? Those ones are unfinished and unpublished.
7. What fic of yours makes you the most emotional?
Either Smile the Brightest or Teenage Soldier. They both deal with some hard and controversial topics and I have no idea where they came from, they just kind of happened. 
8. What is a scene you wrote that you are most proud of?
Most of my battle scenes. Those are tricky, took a long time, and I like how they turned out!
9. Is there one character that you refuse to write? why?
I can’t think of any hard no’s off the top of my head. There are probably some.
10. When you write fics, how much of canon are you willing to ignore/skip over?
If it’s a canon thing that I severely dislike, or if it’s canon that aired AFTER I started writing it. For example, If you lose your strength to stand was started after season 5 of Voltron came out. There was no way I’d just scrap the story I had in mind because season 6 decided to be hella weird, and eventually it became a fix-it of sorts?
Small things may be done away with if they’re inconvenient.
11. Do you prefer to be cold or hot when you write?
If those are my only two options, then cold, definitely. I’m a cranky, bitchy piece of shit when I’m hot. 
12. What is your ideal writing area?
Somewhere quiet and alone. I need to be able to groan in frustration and pace and mutter to myself in peace.
13. How do you come up with your titles?
I’ve started doing the thing where I steal song lyrics. Often I try to match it to a theme in the story.
ONCE, I had the title first, that was Smile the Brightest
14. How do you come up with chapter titles?
Usually I don’t. Sometimes I use song lyrics. Sometimes I try to think of a catchy phrase with minimal success.
15. At what point in writing a fic, do you decide to quit?
At the point when I’m tired of writing and think it’s good enough to post. I have a habit of posting first and proofreading later.
16. How much of your personal life do you put into fics?
Small aspects here and there. Mostly to do with emotional stuff. I have a few where there’s an autistic character or a depressed character, and with that I pour a lot of myself into it.
17. What is the most supportive comment you have gotten?
“I just want to say that you are an amazing writer. Not in a pervy way, although that smut was great, but just in the way you write. The comedy and little bits of dialogue made me laugh so many times, and you captured the relationships these characters had to eachother super well. A m a z i n g fic. Definitely write more.”
“Damn whenever you update the chapters, I just want to read more HAHAHHAJSJS thank you so much for writing!! I really love the emphasis you placed on each character’s developments and relationships as well as the real-time consequences of actions instead of like, y’know, making a big wrap-up to the show while it’s still tangled with unused storylines and character potential >:(( ahshdhjd but anyway, thank you so much for writing this and i hope you have a great everyday!”
There are some other very lovely ones but they have spoilers in them, soooo...
My favorites are when they say I did the characters really well.
18. What is the most negative comment you have gotten?
I haven’t gotten much in the way of negative comments. I’m very happy about this fact.
19. How do you handle negative comments?
I engage. I don’t recommend it as a solution.
20. What story that you have written makes you the happiest to re-read?
Hmm...I gotta go with If you lose your strength to stand. I’m really proud of it.
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fayewonglibrary · 3 years
Text
Interview with Alex San (2007)
Faye Wong liked to record in Beijing and was very casual when she worked. In addition to being willing to do heavy work such as moving musical instruments, Faye Wong was highly collaborative when recording in the studio. She also played pranks on the sound engineer from time to time, requesting to tell his fortunes, otherwise she would not let him off work.
In the past ten years, Alex San has developed in the Hong Kong music industry. He has produced/arranged music with many big names such as Leslie Cheung, Faye Wong, Aaron Kwok, etc., and is currently one of the most valuable musicians in Malaysia.
Who leads the trends in the Chinese music industry? Whose talents are the constant topic of conversation? I believe that there is only one answer: Faye Wong. No matter how many indulgences you have other than music, as soon as Faye Wong's voice appears, you will only listen to her and no longer think about anything else.
Nowadays, many singers like to sing cover songs. In terms of brilliance, there is almost no one that can surpass Faye Wong's covers of Teresa Teng songs in THE DECADENT SOUND OF FAYE, released in 1995. That album allowed the market to reevaluate "bubblegum pop", raised Faye Wong's music status to another level, and made a name for producer/arranger Alex San who shined during that album.
*****
INTERVIEW BY: Zhang Guoxiang, director of the entertainment section of Guangming Daily (Malaysia)
Q: Honestly speaking, the first time I heard the name Alex San was in THE DECADENT SOUND OF FAYE. One day, a senior colleague said that Alex San is a Malaysian. I was surprised that Malaysia had produced a musician who could work with superstars. Basically, among locals, your name carried a halo on your head.
ALEX SAN: Many people only began to know me on that Faye Wong album. However, in her previous albums such as PLEASE MYSELF, RANDOM THOUGHTS and others, my name had already appeared. I also wrote a song for her before called "Honeymoon". Most people are also aware of "I Don't Want To Be Like This Either". But the one that I truly worked with her on was THE DECADENT SOUND OF FAYE.
Q: How did you meet Faye Wong?
ALEX SAN: I first met her producer Alvin Leong. We often worked in the same studio. He probably overheard me working! One day, he knocked on the door and in the first sentence asked: "I don't know if you are interested in making arrangements for my female singer... She is Faye Wong..."  He was very humble! In fact, Faye Wong was already popular in Hong Kong at that time.
Q:  It is undeniable that Faye Wong, with her unique temperament and extraordinary fashion, has been a trend setter for more than a decade. The styles were shocking. Classic styles such as pineapple head, sunburn makeup, and smoky eye makeup attracted a large number of followers, and even now people still imitate them. After THE DECADENT SOUND OF FAYE, many people's impression of her changed a lot. She sang Teresa Teng's songs as "Faye Wong" without losing the original flavor. I often joked with my friends that if I can bring only one CD to a deserted island, I will choose THE DECADENT SOUND OF FAYE.
ALEX SAN: There are a lot of inside stories about this album. The decision-making on this album rested with Faye Wong. She chose all the songs herself and she said that she did not want to produce it in Hong Kong, so all the recording work was moved to Beijing.
Q: Why does she not like Hong Kong? Is it because of the paparazzi? I remember that Faye Wong at that time had become the main target of the paparazzi.
ALEX SAN: This is one reason! I think maybe her relationship with her boyfriend (Dou Wei) was also in Beijing. The producing/arranging for that album was originally supposed to be done half by me and half by Dou Wei. But in the end, I was forced to complete it.
Q: Why do you say that you were "forced"? Isn't it a beautiful thing to collaborate with the Heavenly Queen?
ALEX SAN: I really “shed tears” for that album. I took a recording engineer and we lived in Beijing for two months. There was only one thing to do in two months - make 5 songs for the album (the other 5 by Dou Wei) and try to "wow" people. But then the problems started. Within a few days of going up to Beijing, Faye Wong disappeared and no one could find her...
Q: Looking back at the reports at that time, many Hong Kong paparazzi went up north, hoping to catch her and Dou Wei.
ALEX SAN: Beijing is too big. If Faye Wong hides, the paparazzi will not be able to keep up. In fact, the real reason why she hid was to avoid people from the record company. In terms of [the album] concept, Ah Fei and the record company were at odds.
Q: Then what about you? What happens when the singer does not show up to  the recording studio?
ALEX SAN: When time was nearing the end, Ah Fei showed up, so there was no particular worry...The only worry was just how to elevate Ah Fei.
Q: A moment ago, you said you had to complete all the songs?
ALEX SAN: One day when I was working in the studio, an unexpected guest suddenly appeared - it was Ah Fei. She didn't say anything, as if nothing had happened. She was holding a package of various CDs in her hand and threw it on the table: "Alex, Dou Wei quit, you can handle the other 5 songs......." I was shocked and quickly begged for mercy: "Big sister, let me off the hook......" But Ah Fei didn't say anything, just told me to fix the other songs. In the end, I had to take the field. I arranged 7 songs for that album and I really didn’t have time to do the remaining 6 songs, so I found someone else. [NOTE: This should be where Adrian Chan comes into the story.]
Q: Speaking of the topic that Faye Wong likes to work in Beijing, it reminds me of one thing. I once met Faye Wong herself in a restaurant in Beijing. I observed her for a long time and she was not dressed up. But the interesting thing is that from the beginning to end, no one ran forward to ask for her autograph, take photos or anything. I think this is why she prefers to be in Beijing!
ALEX SAN: There are also many big stars in Beijing and the people there treat Ah Fei as an ordinary person. Ah Fei didn't have anything fancy while recording. Many recording studios in China are built “inside”.
Q: What is “inside”?
ALEX SAN: It is the kind where you must walk through a long corridor or alley, and the path may be blocked by many musical instruments. One time, I was walking with Ah Fei and saw that the corridor was blocked by a lot of equipment. The men began moving the equipment away. Ah Fei came forward naturally to help us and she moved the drums!
Q: She was a diva...
ALEX SAN: It was strange. We didn't think about this problem at the time. After Ah Fei moved it, she was covered in dirt.
Q: Does Faye Wong have any habits when recording?
ALEX SAN: Ah Fei is like a child. In the recording studio, she laughs heartily like an aunt. We were really happy when we worked together. Ah Fei knows where she is going to sing, sometimes she would automatically stop and say ‘try again’ in the middle of singing. Basically she can already be her own producer.  
Ah Fei is also very superstitious. My sound engineer was in a miserable situation because he had very little knowledge about fate [horoscopes / fortune telling]. Faye Wong kept staring at him. Every time from the beginning to end of work, she would catch him and said she wants to read his horoscope. Once when I was very tired from work, Faye Wong ran up and spread out her hands and said, "Come on! Let me read your palms!".  Ah Fei is a cute girl but the public takes her too seriously. 
Q: Leslie Cheung's later works were a bit similar to Faye Wong, the content was very ethereal. Even Lin Xi, who wrote lyrics, said that when writing songs for Faye Wong and Leslie Cheung, he often couldn't get away from that style.
ALEX SAN: Gor Gor [Leslie] liked Ah Fei very much. Every time he went to KTV [karaoke], he must order Ah Fei's songs to sing. I know Gor Gor and Ah Fei because of Alvin Leong. Alvin was always the producer for Gor Gor. Once Alvin brought a song to the studio and asked me if I could re-arrange it. He said that Gor Gor didn't like the previous arrangement, so can I re-arrange it?
Q: What was the first thought that came to your mind?
ALEX SAN: Gor Gor Leslie Cheung! Later, fortunately, he used my arrangement.
Q: What was that song?
ALEX SAN:  The theme song of the sequel to "He's a Woman, She's a Man" called "Caring Person".
Q: Later, when Gor Gor asked you to collaborate, were you given any special instructions?
ALEX SAN: Gor Gor was very direct, he was straightforward. He just said that he hoped to have the feeling of "Faye Wong", and was confident in me.
------------------------------------------------------------------  
SOURCE: GUANGMING DAILY // TRANSLATED BY: FAYE WONG FUZAO
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echo-bleu · 4 years
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I love your writing! So i was wondering what kind of process you use from idea to posting. Im super interested because some wing it..while others have outlines and very methodical ways to bring their work to life.
Thank you!!!
My process feels a little different for every fic, but I’ll try to walk you through it. I’ll take our hands clasped so tight as the example, because it’s perhaps the most representative (my other long WIPs are both fusions, so it was a little different). Under a cut because it got long.
I’m not a huge plotter. I wouldn’t say I’m a pantser exactly, because I tend to write non-linearly so I can’t quite just let the story go unchecked, but @eveningspirit tried to make me get into complicated planning methods and it failed spectacularly (sorry, love, I’m joking). I’m a perfectionist, but I’m really not methodical, even though I feel the appeal of it, it just doesn’t work when I try to do detailed outlines.
[violence and child abuse] The first idea I had for Hands was Jesse Manes really injuring Alex that day in the shed. It’s been on my mind ever since I first watched 1x06, but I didn’t have any solid ideas. It cropped up in setting fire to our insides (for fun) and at least a couple of my Whumptober fics, where Alex recounts Jesse beating him up and breaking bones. When I had the idea of taking his canonically choking Alex further, I realized that it was very similar to @aewriting‘s fic I Know Nothing Stays the Same. I don’t know how much of that was inspiration and how much was just parallel thinking (great minds, right?). As it may be apparent in my fics, I write disabled characters. A lot. And I write whump. So having Alex be disabled from what his father did wasn’t much of a reach from there. To give you a timeline, that was around when season 2 started, so mid-March-ish.
The second part of that idea, that tied up with it: one thing I wanted to write, and still do, is a fic where Alex and Michael have both stopped playing music completely since that day, and later use music to heal and get together. So, coupling the two ideas together: Alex loses his voice and Michael the use of his hand means they both lose their music. This thing they loved.
It evolved quite a bit from there, of course. Alex can’t sing anymore, but he also hasn’t stopped making music. I spent a while researching choking injuries (my search history is wild) and the possible consequences, how it could evolve over ten years, etc. From there, I wanted Michael to be completely unaware of it. Since Alex was in the hospital/in treatment for a long time and thus couldn’t leave Roswell, Michael had to leave. I gave him the life I think he could have had if Rosa hadn’t died, and thus didn’t kill Rosa. Michael being autistic is a headcanon/idea (it’s not a headcanon per say because I don’t think he is in canon, but there were possible indications) that I’ve had for a while too, so this was my chance to fit it in, as I love writing autistic characters.
When I get to this point, my process is to write down everything I can think of (on any scale: general plot points, backstories, details, pieces of dialogue) in no order whatsoever in a new file. Then I slide into @eveningspirit‘s DMs and talk her head off. I think she liked this particular idea :) She asked some pertinent questions, which got me to think about things like what happened to Jesse, whether Noah was there and good or bad, and so on. Putting these together, I (we, really) came up with more backstory ideas that I won’t go into because they’re spoilers ;)
I came up with the music therapy idea, and Rosa as the therapist, and off I went to write the first chapter. It came together pretty fast, and honestly easily. I talked to some other friends on Discord who helped me come up with a song for the first chapter. The second chapter was a little harder, but most of it was backstory, and I had it down. @eveningspirit (again ;D) looked through the first chapter and said she liked it, so I went ahead and posted it (in early April). Then things slowed down to a halt. I wasn’t in a great mental state and couldn’t write much, though I never stopped thinking, and 2x06 rolled around which threw me off for a while. The other thing is, I still didn’t have any real sense of a plot. I’m really good at coming up with backstories and not at all with plot, lol. I posted the second chapter at some point without really making progress on the third. The third chapter has a therapy scene that was hard to write (I want to thank @usbournejez and @brightloveee for checking it for me). But I kept thinking about it all, often in the morning while I shower and have breakfast. Usually I come up with plot points or lines of dialogue and often I’ve forgotten them by the time I can get behind my computer. But I write them down when I can. That’s how my writing becomes non-linear, since one of the first things I wrote will end up in, like, chapter 15. It’s just snippet, but they give me a sense of where I’m going.
When I get stuck, I just repeat the same steps. Go to @eveningspirit. Figure plot out. Write. Get stuck. Go to es again. Check with my friends whether you can see if someone is only on FaceTime. Research chronic lung infections some more. Write more. Try to write an entire Skype call without revealing who is on the other end. (Literally what I did last night and tonight). Something like Alex talking with Kate Long in chapter 4 just popped out of my screen and was completely unplanned. Other things are planned that won’t happen for a while. But I don’t have any real sense of, say, how many chapters there will be to this story. I know more or less where it ends. I know of two major events to come. I have pages of backstory and worldbuilding. I have maybe a quarter of chapter 5 written.
Planning for a story like setting fire to our insides (for fun) was very different, because I knew from the start that it was going to be non-linear. So I just started by randomly writing scenes I thought about. I did this for months before I really figured out how to frame it with Isobel going into Alex’s mind. This story had no plan whatsoever, and when I started posting, all I had were half a dozen random scenes and an ending. I have about the same for the sequel, so far :)
I hope this kind of answered your question! It’s ridiculously long, I guess I’m just in an oversharing mood tonight.
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jmeddows2 · 4 years
Text
Purple Thunder (Roger Taylor Series) - Part 9
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(present/old) Roger Taylor series Notes: Here it is, the longest chapter of PP yet. I don’t want to give to much away, but there is going to be some relief for exactly two people after this one (yeah I’m talking about you reader and Roger lol). Roger is not making a big apperance, but he’ll always be there after this one! be prepared for a fluffy throwback and some cheesy musical contribution by Reader. I’m sorry, but this Taylor Swift song just fits perfectly and I’m obsessed with the album ‘Lover’. Songs from that album will definitely keep making appearances here and there. Anyway.. bare with me, english is not my first language, sorry for mistakes. The song lyrics used in this chapter are from the song “Death By A Thousand Cuts” - Taylor Swift. I recommend you listening to it once it pops up in the story. Feel free to drop me an ask, a message, send in your reaction, further requests etc. But most of all: THANK YOU FOR READING!!! :))) Words: 3.1k Warnings: cursing, cheating
Never would you have thought that a penthouse that light and happy, yet domestic could feel as sad and lonely as it did now.  This trip was supposed to lift all the weight from your shoulders, instead of pushing you down with even more sorrow.  After a few missed attempts to reach Roger through calling, the chandelier lights in the living room started flickering. Almost like a sign  Great. Where the hell was he? You started getting worried. Was he alright or did something happen? Was he on his way back home,or did he stay in a different room in the hotel? The thought that something bad could have happened,basically ate you alive, so you decided to text him. To: Roger 'Where have you gone?‘ 'I need to talk to you‘  How could he just leave like that? Without hearing you out first.?As the time went by you started making up different scenarios in  your head, thinking  this all was a all a joke to him, a distraction from his crumbling marriage. 'I’m worried. Please come back' you texted again. 
The only answer was a money transfer of 10.000£ to your bank account with the remark 'for travels if you decide to come back to London ‘ Seemed like it was goodbye now. But you didn‘t do anything wrong. And instead of spending the whole night thinking about what you could have done wrong this time,  you did what you could best, at least as it seemed.  Fuck shit up, so  'Doha Nightclub' on Long Island seemed just like the right place to get rid of the empty feeling deep inside and the especially big and empty penthouse.  The nightclub seemed to be in the middle of nowhere, but it was certainly easy to get there, given the fact that the penthouse of the Ritz provided you a very own Rolls Royce with a personal driver in tow, who would take you anywhere you wanted.  As you entered the dark place that lit up with purple strobe lights, the place was already packed. Girls that wore as little as they could, men with buttoned down shirts all over the dancefloor. It felt posh, nearly too posh for your liking. But now you were there. Would be a waste of gas to ask the driver to go to another place. This would do perfectly fine. Trying not to draw any attention to yourself , you chose a little table to sit at in the back where it was  dark, but the seat still visible enough for waitresses to notice once  your glass was empty. You were quite amused by the fact that it was a girl’s birthday party. They welcomed her into the club with two signs saying 'Happy Birthday‘. Right next to them was another blonde girl with curves in all the right places holding up a neon yellow sign saying '99% sure that vodka is my soulmate'. It made you chuckle, even with given circumstances. "What‘s your poison, honey?" A girl about your age asked you, holding a tray of shots in her hand.  "Anything right now. Any shot would do" you sighed. "Wait a minute“ the girl said taking a closer look at you. "Aren‘t you that singer that got engaged?"  "Do you see a ring on my finger?“ you held out your hands for her to inspect.  "Ouch“  "How much for the whole tray?“ "Girls are free tonight, honey“ she placed the tray on the table and took a seat on the empty chair. "I‘m Andrea, by the way“ she shook your hand.  5 shots in and you started conversing about god knows what.  "....and then I was too broke to stay in LA.. so, I had to come back. Guess there‘s too many pretty girls out there wanting to become an actress." she nearly cried telling stories about failing auditions trying to make in Los Angeles, how her boyfriend left her a week after she had flown out, trying to achieve a dream of hers. It made your heart sting. The cheating part. You were here trying go sulk like a victim, when you‘d been the one doing wrong all along. You didn‘t drop any names, just the context of the story. And she was understanding, even gave you her number in case you came back there again or just needed a friend to ramble on. She moved on to grab another tray and made her rounds. The night was restless. Almost like you expected the moments that were about to happen. You could feel it, boiling deep inside. It felt like a big bomb, that was about to go off and destroy everything. Everything that already had been in ruins. And as if someone heard your call from far away it reached its last strike.  A message from Roger. And your heart dropped.  'I don’t think this is a good idea anymore. I’m sorry.' You tried calling him again. This time he picked up.  "...Rog? Are you there?” you  breathed into the phone, unable to make out his voice in the club.. Impossible.so you went outside where it was quiet enough.  "Where are you? I miss you" you slurred into the phone, the alcohol speaking out of you.  "(Y/N) are you drunk?” he said and for a moment you thought he might be worried about.  "Come back to me Roger. Please” you begged him.  "I.. I can’t I’m sorry.. I don’t think this will work”  What you didn’t know was, that it took him hours to practice his little speech. To push all the feelings away that had kept building up inside him for over half a year now. First from keeping up with your work, until the last 3 months he actually got to spend with you in person. With his head in his hand, memories kept flashing back in his mind. The movie nights you had, cuddled up on the couch with a fuzzy warm blanket thrown over the two of you. If the movie was too boring, he would just start conversing about how bad it was or keep tickling and cuddling you to distract you from watching it. Or you’d just fall asleep. 3 months felt more like 3 years. And it was everything you ever craved.  The nights you spent at his house in Surrey kept replaying. When it was a mild night and not too cold, spending nearly all night long looking at the big statue of Freddie, which was in full display because of the big spotlight Roger had installed.  You’d usually sit on a thick and huge blanket on the grass or on chairs, feeling each other’s warmth, no talking, just being in the moment.  "Fred would have adored you“ Roger spoke up, which made you look up at him.  "Not as much as I adore him" you smiled at him, pressing a light kiss to his lips.  "What would he think about us now?" You asked, putting your head back on his chest and arms tightly around him.  "He‘d be happy for us” Roger whispered in your hair.  "Because I‘m happy. You make me happy." He kissed your temple. "Losing my best friend was the hardest thing I ever had to deal with." You squeezed him tighter to comfort him and it really did put him at more ease. His shoulders weren’t as tense when you started drawing patterns on his back.  "I couldn‘t even imagine how you must have felt. But I think losing you would come pretty close to that" you whispered back at him.  And now that was just about to happen. Your worst nightmare.  "I got to go now..." his voice was small and quiet. Almost quiet enough to hear your heart break. "I‘m sorry..." You felt dizzy, like your feet couldn‘t keep you up anymore. Just then you felt a pair of strong arms wrap around your waist.  "Hey baby. What are doing out here all alone.“ the stranger pulled you close to him, letting his hands roam all over your body. You felt disgusted.  "Stop..“ you tried to push him away. "Stop touching me“ you screamed louder.  "Y/N?“ A familiar voice. Dan.  "Dan?"  "Is that your fucking boyfriend baby?“ the disgusting stranger whispered in your ear before Dan pushed him away. Dan, your guitarist was your savior of the hour. You had last seen him storm out of the studio in London. You wrapped your arms around him, still trying to process everything that had happened in the last 30 minutes.  "Oh god, how much did you drink? You smell like a brewery“ he grimaced taking in the unpleasant scent.  "Hey, Y/N" he shook you lightly trying to get a few words out of you.  "Where are you staying? I‘ll take you there“  "The Ritz“  "Yeah sure“ he laughed. "You and the Ritz." He didn‘t believe you. Because the Ritz wasn‘t exactly what you would go for when touring with your band. Even though you could afford rooms there. Not the penthouse, but smaller ones.  "I‘m telling the truth Dan“  "Alright, alright“ he still didn’t quite believe it.  “I‘ll take you back to mine. You‘ll need loads of water and a hangover therapy tomorrow. This one‘s going to be massive“ You groaned as he picked you up and carried you to the cab. Then from the cab to his apartment. You didn‘t even know where you were, only that Dan was going to take care of you. He was always the dad of the group. Him and Joe, your bass player never stayed out late, never partied that much. Much to your advantage now. The next morning, you felt surprisingly not that bad. Which was like a miracle. Dan made sure you drank much water before going to sleep and as you got up from his couch to search for the kitchen, the table was already decorated with a large breakfast to help rise your low blood sugar levels. "Good morning Miss Vodka“ Dan looked up from his newspaper, a cup of coffee in his hand a grin plastered on his lips. Clearly because of your miserable state. "Haha“ trying your best to sound as sarcastic as possible.  "Good morning and thank you for bringing me here“ sincerely thanking him.  "Not a problem, you said something about staying at the Ritz" you downed one of the three ginger shots he prepared for you and put the glass down with a grimace. Damn those are disgusting.  "Yeah because I am“ Dan only looked at you, waiting for you to continue the story.  "Is Josh there? Oh, fuck right. I didn‘t congratulate you on the engagement. Fuck“ he blushed. You only shook your head lightly for him to stop, he knew you long enough to know you weren‘t mad at him about it.  "Do you have a pen and paper?" you asked tapping your fingers next the freshly toasted bread in front of you.  "Ah yeah sure“ he got up to grab it.  And came back with "Post its? Really?“ "Sorry it‘s the only thing I got. I just moved in here“ he threw his arms up in defeat.  You started scribbling. It felt like the words made their own way onto the paper.  "Are you like.. writing a song now?“ Dan looked over your shoulder as you placed yet another post it on top of the other 4 that were already full of ink. You only held a finger up, clearly a sign for him to shut up. A polite sign for him to shut up.  The lyrics where done in 15 minutes,with you throwing the pen on the table almost like a Mic drop.  "Done“ "You‘re crazy“ he stared at you with fascination from across the table.  "Can I see it?“  "Only of you agree to make a riff for it“  "Yeah... sure“ He agreed in a heartbeat.  And he grabbed the post its, reading out loud:  'Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts Flashbacks waking me up, I get drunk, but it‘s not enough. 'Cause the morning comes and you‘re not my baby.  I look through the windows of this love Even though we boarded them up Chandelier still flickering here 'Cause I can't pretend it's okay when it's not It's death by a thousand cuts I dress to kill my time I take the long way home I ask the traffic lights if it'll be alright They say, "I don't know" And what once was ours Is no one's now I see you everywhere, the only thing we share Is this small town You said it was a great love One for the ages But if the story's over, why am I still writing pages? My heart, my hips, my body, my love Tryna find a part of me that you didn't touch Gave up on me like I was a bad drug Now I'm searching for signs in a haunted club Our songs, our films, united, we stand Our country, guess it was a lawless land Quiet my fears with the touch of your hand Paper cut stings from my paper-thin plans My time, my wine, my spirit, my trust Tryna find a part of me you didn't take up Gave you so much, but it wasn't enough But I'll be alright, it's just a thousand cuts" By the time he finished reading it, you were sobbing. Having someone else read your material always made you feel vulnerable. But this time, the circumstances made the intensity almost unbearable.  "Do you want to talk about? You know we can discuss everything. We always did" he tried to help. "I.. I just want you to come back Dan. Please don‘t leave us hanging. I need you. There‘s no one else to talk to. We will talk this out with Sid. Please I want my best friend back.“  "Ok, let‘s do it“  While Dan kept fiddling around the guitar with 10 post its spread out in front of him, you decided to make a call, you feared since the minute Josh got down on one knee. Rufus.  "Yeah?“ A serious tone. No 'hello‘. No 'how are you‘.  "Hi Rufus“  "So... guess I’m not going to call you stepmom anytime soon?“ You were speechless.  "Was that all?“ He sounded rude, but he didn’t know any better in this moment.  "No“ you found your voice again.  "He didn‘t let me explain. I never said yes. I‘m not engaged, Rufus!!!!" "You‘re not??? He thought... you are and everyone said you... are you really not?" "No!! That‘s what I‘ve been trying to tell everybody! I‘m not engaged!!“ "Oh god. That man... I swear..“ he continued mumbling things that were inaudible "What do I do now?“  "umm he‘ll be at our concert... the day after tomorrow.. shepherd‘s bush..“  "I‘ll come there“ you enthusiastically announced.  "Good... maybeeeee you could get your ass up on stage for a special performance?“ he put on a silly voice, he always did this to make you laugh on tour. "Just like old times?" you could almost see the silly pout he would make, trying to give you puppy eyes.  "Ok, just like old times." You never doubted the abilities of anyone in your band and the riff that Dan created was proof enough. With the help of synthesizers, a piano part for the middle of the song was created, undoubtedly having a similar sound to the intro of 'Seven Seas of Rhye'. Intentionally of course. Bless technology you were able to send the sound samples to your other band members back in England. By midnight the track was finished. Ready to be released. And you did. At midnight the day you would meet Roger again. On your way back to England you transferred the 10.000 pounds Roger sent you, right back to him. And the headlines you‘d been avoiding started to make your phone explode.  The Sun: 'Y/N spotted drunk and alone in NYC after engagement‘ The Guardian: 'Did she say no to Josh? Here‘s why'  Daily Mail: 'New Purple Thunder song indicates Y/N had an affair all along‘ Daily Mirror: 'Y/N leaving Josh for married man?‘ You clicked through all of them. Inspected them. But thankfully no suspicion about who the song could actually be about. The day approached and it was an hour before showtime for The Darkness, but there was still no sign of Roger. You began imagining things, seeing him in the crowd as you peaked through the side stage curtains. But he wasn‘t there.  "He‘ll turn up“ Rufus stood behind you, his hand your shoulder. "My dad never lied to me. He sure won‘t start that bullshit now.“ That was Rufus, always trying to make a smile escape your lips.  The concert was almost over, when you joined them on stage for the last song and their most popular one. 'I Believe In A Thing Called Love‘. You owned the second verse and chorus and the crowd went crazy after recognizing you as special guest. It wasn‘t until  Rufus‘ drum solo that you recognized Roger looking at you in awe from the side of the stage.  Roger knew the picture in front of him just too well. Freddie always used to hype him up the way you did with Rufus. His heart swelled and he felt,it would jump out right  then and there. You bounced to the beat, head banging to the beat of the drums just like Rufus did, His messy blond hair sticking to his head. Rufus smiled at your reaction and hit the drums even harder.  Sadly, the song came to an end, but the adrenaline rush was there. Your heart was beating loudly, but seeing Roger smile proudly, clapping his hands... Boy.. you felt like having a  heart attack. He looked more handsome than ever. You bowed down with the whole band, but before you could make your way to Roger, Rufus gave you an encouraging pat on your shoulder. And as you got closer to where Roger was standing, his appearance became even more beautiful. His hair was messy, just the way you liked it. A bit ruffled. His black button-down shirt, with the top two buttons opened and blue eyes shining like the eyes of a little boy on Christmas morning. He still somehow had that boyish look and you adored it.  "Hi Rog-" He embraced you in a tight hug, the one‘d been craving since you returned to the empty penthouse.  "I‘m sorry. I didn‘t mean to make you feel that way. I should have listened. It‘s all my fault. I‘ve put everything upon you, when I shouldn‘t have. I thought you were playing me. But then again, I should have known that you would never do that. You would never do that...“ he buried his in your neck. "If I fucked it up and you never want to see me again, then I understand. But I wouldn‘t ever forgive myself for that.“  "I love you Roger“ he brought his head to your level again and there it was.  "I love you Y/N“ and your lips met. "Well that‘s new“ a surprised Justin (singer of The Darkness) caught your eye.  "Guys I’m happy for you “ he smiled was gone quickly after. "Let‘s get out of here“ Roger said quietly in a low voice, grabbed your hand and you snuck out through the back door, to his Kensington flat.  You knew you needed to talk about this whole situation again, but that could wait until tomorrow. Old scene, but a new picture. It was you and him on his massive crème couch, a movie on that was not worth watching. So youdozed off first, feeling Roger‘s arms wrapped around you, inhaling his scent. He kept playing with your hair, until he followed close behind. taglist: @oldfashionedlovergirlsblog @nicola2388
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