#so long as you’re enjoying urself !!!!
I wanna make a shadowhunters uquiz but I protest the characters as 80% headcanon lmao- 🏜
Do it lol !!!!
I wanna make a btvs uquiz but it looks like a lot of work !!
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Stop Crying and Admit It: Breaking Benjamin are One of the Best Bands of All Time
January 18th, 2017 at 12:13pm
0I’m here to educate you jabronis about all the great hard rock music of the world. In my Overground series, I will attempt to convert all of you corpse paint-wearing, cassette tape-playing, closed-minded freaks into active rock radio extraordinaires. Join me as I speak to you from the comfort of my gold plated jacuzzi.
I get it. You’re still mad at your dad after all those years of missing your soccer games and school recitals. It hurt even more when you found out he was at the bar down the street with his secretary.
Instead of confronting your pain directly, you made a pact with yourself. You would only listen to extremely heavy music for the rest of your life. Why? Because you wouldn’t have to address any of the lingering emotions about your dad wanting to spend time with Linda (who, by the way, had great cans) instead of coming to your sporting events and plays.
Since then, you have spent your days bashing bands who have the ability to tear down your firewall of toughness and actually make you feel some emotion. You’re afraid to cry… just admit it, you little bitch! Get it all out of your system so you can begin to accept some of the good rock music that the world has to offer.
The truth is, it takes way more skill to write a chart-topping rock anthem than it does to write the same generic metal song over and over again. That includes all your trendy sub-genres too. It takes dozens of songwriters to put together a chart-topping hit, but for one band, this is a feat they are able to accomplish entirely on their own.
Breaking Benjamin have mastered the art of writing great albums; they have yet to put out an album that sucks. Dating back to 2002, when they released Saturate, singer/songwriter Benjamin Burnley has been cranking out hit after hit, and to date he has written all of the band’s music himself. That’s a fucking mind blowing feat, given the fact that the overwhelming majority of chart topping artists have a team of writers strategically curating their music for them.
As testament to his immense songwriting abilities, Burnley replaced the rest of the band in 2014 (after a prolonged legal dispute and hiatus) and still released a #1 album the following year. How many other bands can replace their entire lineup without flinching, then come back stronger than ever?
When Breaking Benjamin was ready to return, he had enlisted an army of veteran musicians to travel the world with him. Most importantly, the new additions to the band were friends of Burnley who cared much more about the music than they did about the business side of things. This is something that anyone who has seen them live recently can attest to.
I get it. You feel really cool when you make fun of hard rock bands because you have a sub-culture that not everyone participates in, making it seem inherently smarter. “whatevr brian kill urself breaking benj sux ass HAHA LOSER!” The truth is, it takes a stronger person to be willing to try something new and cultivate knowledge of different cultures beyond your own sad, pathetic existence.
Breaking Benjamin are one of the last few bands in existence that don’t let their laptop play the show for them. Everything you hear on stage is being played by the people on stage without any automation. Drummer Shaun Foist is the only time keeper they need, as he is essentially a walking metronome with great hair.
Hard rock isn’t dead, at least as long as Breaking Benjamin are around. They’re still putting out larger than life records and entertaining audiences by the tens of thousands. They’re true professionals who treat their fans like gold, have the respect of extremely jacked and good looking male model celebrities like me, and make great music that you can enjoy for years to come. If you’re a fan of Breaking Benjamin, gimme a “Hell yeah, daddy.”
hello!! I just wanted to say or more like thank you for writing both “aurora” and “ethereal”
ive read “ethereal” multiple times bc like i told u before it is my go-to fics bc it is undeniably my fave writings from u but now, having read “aurora” damn these two 😭😭 watch me read “aurora” again hahaha
jaehyun himself is a beautiful human being and the way you wrote and described him, you delivered bc damn, beautiful. also “ethereal” and “aurora” made me realise damn i need a jaehyun in my life bc the way u described him im soft 🥺 you certainly disappoint with “aurora” and you worked so hard on this fic! u shd be proud of urself!
i dont even know where to begin, is it the fact that this fic is 29k words long bc i am someone who enjoys lengthy fics so this was definitely a treat for me!! hehehe🥰🥰
can i just say i teared up abit esp at the part when jaehyun says “thats still not enough to make you want to be with me?” MY HEART OMG
i want to also say that what u wrote abt self love really hits me in the spot (in a good way!!) bc im someone who has trouble in seeing the good in myself, doubting my abilities and so when you wrote “self love is hard but its so worth it. once you learn to love yourself in the process, it gets easier to give love to people without questioning what they give in return because by then, you love yourself enough to believe and know that you are worth it” LIKE THANK YOU FOR THIS😭😭 this will be something ill tell myself to look at to remind myself esp when im not feeling myself
plus i read “aurora” on my birthday yesterday (mar10) so it felt special, it made me happy even if i shed abit of tears but hey this fic, is beautiful and so its worth the tears haha
thank you again and i hope ur doing well <33 looking forward to reading ur future works! 💞💞
happy belated birthday sweetie <3 I hope you’ve had a fab day on your birthday and I am honoured to be a part of it somehow! and you’re right,, where can we get a man like Jaehyun please 😭😭😭 thank you so much for taking the time to write this to me, I was smiling the entire time reading all of this.
and the thing about self love, we’ll all get there! it’s a lengthy process and all we can do is try every day and that in itself is already so much 💕 I’m happy you got to take home a few messages from the story!
I hope you’ve been well yourself 🥰 and thank you so much once again for taking the time to read all of the 29k words!
heyyy so i read ur jeno fic (pussy blocked) last night since i finally got the time and WHEN I TELL YOU I BALLED MY EYES OUT I MEAN IT like it was so :((( it was really good definitely one of my favourites despite the ending being not what i expected but somehow it made so much sense that reader ended up with jaemin, it seemed realistic and tbh a lot of the problems that the fic talked about happened to apply to me so this was kinda of an eye opener. i really really loved it, it was was amazing. thank you for writing it pls continue to write i will cheer u on all the way <3 have a great day/night and take care of urself❤️
hi hello, sweetpea !!! 🌸 aaaa my reply has been long overdue, but I keep going back and retreading your message in my inbox, and thank you so so sooo much omg 🥺💞💞💞 I’m so sorry for making you cry, lovebug, but I’m also kinda proud that my writing can do that jdjdjdjdjdk AND THANK YOU FOR CALLING IT ONE OF YOUR FAVORITES 😭💖💖💖 Ah yeah, it initially was supposed to be a light hearted rom com with the jeno ending, but I decided to change it last minute when I realized jaemin was the better option imo :’) I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through the same thing, sweetpea ): I know how that feels, (yn is heavily based on myself in this fic), and I hope you’re able to find happiness and love like she did 💗💗 thank you so so much for giving my fic so much love, honey bee, and for your support 🥺🥺💕 I’m making slow progress with my winwin wip, but I’m enjoying it very much so far 🥰 I hope you have a wonderful weekend, and take care and stay safe as well, angel 💞☁️✨
hiya! i just want to say that your writing is literally amazing and oh my god i love you so much!!! also you are so fucking pretty i wish i was like you 🥺🥺 i had some questions about writing that i have always really wanted to ask you (coming from an amateur writer). you totally don’t have to answer these by the way!!:
- when did you start writing?
- how long did it take to get the following you have now?
- how long does it usually take to create a fic?
- how do you stay motivated with writing?
- what app do you use to write?
- if you wrote while in school, how did you juggle that (because im STRUGGLING!!) (i’m a yr 12 student btw so im 18!! don’t worry!!)
- how do you create your ideas?
- when did your write your first smut?
- do you have any advice for a small writer like me?
anywho, i hope this isn’t too invasive or too much to ask! you’re just one of my favourite writers and i really want to produce better writing like you 🥺 i love you so much and i hope you have the most amazing today and even better tomorrows!!! xoxo -🐞
hi! sorry for replying to this a little late i’ve had a busy few days :( but thank u so much!! this means a lot to me 🥺 as for the questions, i’ll try my best to answer as many as i can lol
i started writing back when i was like??? 11 i believe??? it wasn’t fanfic obviously (that started when i was around 12/13 lmao rip). i’ve been on tumblr since 2015, my blog’s 6-year anniversary just passed back in late march actually! i always miss the day 😩 it usually takes me a while to write a fic unless im super inspired, idk why i think it’s just because im a perfectionist and i have a bad habit of “editing as i go” which slows me down. im trying to work past it tho!
i stay motivated by constantly daydreaming about my fics lol, i find that usually helps me get excited to keep writing! also i write on microsoft word it’s the only app that i trust bc it has so many useful features.
writing whilst being in school is HARD and honestly i’ve taken semester-long breaks because of how stressful it can be. since i started my patreon back in january i’ve been better with writing while in school but that’s only because i know people are paying for the content so they’re expecting something in return. in a way, it’s actually been a pretty good motivator!
i honestly have no clue how i come up with ideas, i just enjoy writing AUs a lot so if a particular one is appealing to me i’ll start brainstorming some events that i could include in a fic. that’s a shitty answer but its the only one i have :( i think the first time i wrote smut i was like 15???? and of course it was Bad.
as for any advice, i guess the only thing i could say is to make sure you’re writing what u wanna write about! write abt stuff that excites you and don’t feel pressured by other ppl to incorporate certain things that you don’t like. also, try to set a daily writing goal for urself, it can be something big like 1000 words per day or as small as 100 words per day! that way u don’t end up abandoning ur work <3 hope this helps!! thank u again for being so sweet i hope u have a great day 💓
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hi love !! i saw that you were doing hq matchups 🤍 my name is maya, i use she/her pronouns & i was wondering if i could have a male matchup :)) i love music, i sing & play a few instruments and i also love making playlists for fun lmao. i do this thing where i make playlists for my friends and it’s basically filled with songs that remind me of them/that i think they’d like
i’m a black girl (rise up ‼️) w/ long curly black hair + green bangs and the under section is green too ,, i look so hot why lie, i did that . anyway,, im plus sized and my favourite parts of my body are my thighs and my waist (she’s snatched asf purr)
i’m a pretty good student and i love light academia vibes but i’m so lazy lmao so i usually end up cramming in 2 or 3 days, i’m definitely the mom friend in my friend group and my love languages are quality time (giving) & acts of service/quality time (receiving)
i have anxiety so i’m a huge overthinker but i hate unloading all my crap onto other ppl cause i feel guilty yikes anyway i’m a cap sun, cancer moon & virgo rising and id say that i’m an introvert in an extrovert’s disguise ..
i really enjoy taking care of other people, it brings me a rush like no other ++ i’m sappy asf .. i love pet names they’re just the greatest thing in the world to me <3
some of my hobbies are reading & i’ve recently started journaling so that’s cool ig,, i’m also the type of person who loves to bake but gets bored/tired halfway through and rushes through the rest
i hope that was enough but i’m also sorry if that was too much !! have a great day babey, take care of urself 🤍🌱
100+ match-up event
hey maya!! i love the amount u wrote,, your match-up is kuroo tetsurou :) he would love to call u pet names and listen to the playlist(s) you make him
the song i chose for you is: Fluorescent Adolescent - Arctic Monkeys
the sound of the busy streets fades away when the door closes. you're still confused where kuroo brought you.
you had been walking around with a blindfold on and kuroo had been guiding you through the city.
"are we here?" you ask and turn to the direction where you think kuroo is standing.
"yes, you can take of your blindfold off." your eyes had to adjust, and you rubbed your eyes.
the store was filled with records. you gasp and look at your boyfriend. he was grinning at you and motioned to the direction of the records he thought you'd like.
"this is amazing!" you smile as your eyes glide over the different vinyls.
"i knew you'd like it." he smirks and pats your head. he let you roam around the store.
you didn't really know why he suddenly decided to take you, so you asked him.
"why'd you take me to this place so randomly? is there something special today?"
"no, not really. i just really liked the playlist you made me, so i took you here."
you stared at the vinyl in front of you, totally zoned out. you really felt like the luckiest girl on earth.
"you want that one?" you quickly turn around. "no, uhm. i just zoned out."
"are you okay, darling?" you felt your cheeks flare up at the name.
"yeah, i'm fine." you said as you put down what you were holding. the look on kuroo's face told you he wasn't done with surprising you, so you quickly picked out what you liked.
"you're not done with surprising me, are you?" kuroo smirked and nodded. even though you tried to ask him for a hint, he kept his mouth shut.
you gave up and walked with him, as you looked up to the night sky.
you were definitely the luckiest girl on earth.
I hope you're doing well. My cursive hand-writing is really bad. It does look more romantic, doesn't it? I love you and will always love you, darling...
until forever <3
this concludes the 100+ event !!
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this is a loooong one, boys
yes this is going to be a masterpost for all 12 of my trolls so you can get to know them! they’re not all in the same world, but I don’t have any class/aspect clashes.
biographies posted under the cut!
suirev - burgundy / lumina - bronze / dietas - gold / phobis - mutant /
lamiac - olive / immera - jade / ruilin - teal / tracor - cerulean /
itoria - indigo / jezakk - purple / astril - violet / cirlun - fuchsia
suirev - sylph of light / lumina - page of space / dietas - thief of doom
phobis - mage of life / lamiac - seer of mind / immera - bard of heart
ruilin - rogue of hope / tracor - prince of blood / itoria - knight of breath
jezakk - heir of time / astril - witch of rage / cirlun - maid of void
suirev, lumina, immera, ruilin and jezakk are alternian, but only immera and ruilin are connected in terms of their lore.
dietas, itoria and tracor are beforan, and all connected.
suirev, lamiac, astril and cirlun hail from exonera (the first planet in the universe of my fansession) and are all connected to each other.
suirev - praying mantis lusus
lumina - star-nosed mole lusus
dietas - chameleon lusus
phobis - serpent lusus
lamiac - fennec fox lusus
immera - venezualan poodle moth lusus
ruilin - raccoon lusus
tracor - scorpion lusus
itoria - ant lusus
jezakk - harp seal lusus
astril - angler fish lusus
cirlun - axolotl lusus
YOUR NAME IS SUIREV HELIOS.
Nobody believes you, not even your MANTIS LUSUS, but you know a lot more about the fate of the world than you let on. They dismiss your PROPHECIES as bogus, no matter how many tomes you write, and you’ve lost count of how many that is. You consider yourself PRETTY ENLIGHTENED, but not in the spiritual sense… yet. The spirits that pester your caste a lot of the time even seem to avoid you, which would have confused you a time ago, but now you know why.
You’ve developed a nasty habit of checking everything you want to say in your head, and they’re sick of being your mental proofreaders. They’ve made it very clear they dislike you, so you have some HEALING to do. People find you preachy, but that confuses you a lot. You’re mostly silent so that you can concentrate on the cacophony (spirits or no spirits) ringing through your pan, as you get some REALLY GOOD STORY IDEAS from them. Besides, you were named after an OLD GOD for a reason. You should have the right to preach.
One might even say that you’re COMPLETELY RAVING MAD, but at least you try to keep your appearance in check. It’s a shame your blood colour makes your EYE BAGS so obvious.
Your handle is LiteraryLunatic, and y★u end y★ur sentences with exclamati★n marks! S★ n★b★dy notices h★w tired y★u are! Besides, y★u’ve been staying up all night with pr★phecies racing thr★ugh your pan!
YOUR NAME IS LUMINA SERVIN.
You’re a maniacally busy troll, but you wouldn’t have it any other way, because your pan is always buzzing with NEW IDEAS. You have to keep yourself busy to fend off the ENCROACHING EXISTENTIAL DREAD that fills lowbloods like you. Your mole guardian helps you expand your desert-bound hive-workshop, because you’re often too busy - catering to all of the stupid VIOLET TOURISTS AND LANDDWELLERS in the nearby hive-clusters in order to make money and survive - to pay any attention to trivial household chores.
You’re not very good at what you do yet - though some would suggest otherwise - and you’re just striving to be better. You can recognise that you have the POTENTIAL to be GREATER, and it’s all just barely out of reach. You made yourself some KICK-ASS GOGGLES, inspired by the human subculture of STEAMPUNK, which you adore. They’re probably your best work to date, and you wear them so constantly that you’re afraid they’ll meld onto your face sometimes. The metal they’re made of, BRONZE, is the same colour as your blood, and one of the most pleasing aesthetically, in your opinion. No-one’s figured that out yet, luckily enough.
You’re an avid blacksmith, inventor, tinkerer and the rest of it. You’re making quite sure that you possess any title that involves HANDS-ON CREATION, really. Sometimes, you COMPLETELY SPACE OUT when you should be working, thinking of how best to go about things that really don’t require that much thought. It’s just how you roll.
Your handle is MechanicalMiner, and SOoMETIMES YOoU CAN COoME OoFF AS A LITTLE TOoOo LOoUD BECAUSE OoF WHAT’S PROoBABLY INDUSTRIAL DEAFNESS, EVEN AT THIS AGE.
YOUR NAME IS DIETAS LAMBDA.
Misfortune has pretty much DEFINED YOUR LIFE up until now, but that’s not important. What really matters is your job, and it’s a relief to have distraction. You know that you’ve been through a WHOLE LOT OF HELL, and would never wish that on anyone else. Ever since you crashed a training ship, blacked out for a bit and met your moirail, your dear ITORIA, things changed. Your HELMSTROLL DREAMS might have shattered, but she made sure you’re not too miserable.
YOU CAN SEE EVERYTHING. Well, almost. After losing your biological eye in the crash, Itoria built you a brand-new one, and now you can see in INFRARED LIGHT as well. You’ve recovered thanks to her, and you want to repay her by TAKING AWAY THE SUFFERING OF OTHERS, doing what she did for you. You travel around selling CHARGED-UP PROSTHETICS to trolls in need, while simultaneously keeping off the trail of the OVERSEERS, a pack of Ceruleans who you’re pretty sure want to kill you and your moirail for saving people.
YOU’RE NEVER GOING BACK TO THAT PLACE. The training centres are a source of shame and hurt for you, because you abandoned your guardian to get a purpose that ended up not working at all. How dumb that was.
Your handle is PsionicProsthesis. Yx0xu speak with a flare that reminds yx0xu of the symbx0xl that was given tx0x yx0xu at the training centres, as it’s a hx0xpe yx0xu’ll never fx0xrget despite the negative memx0xries, and tx0x represent yx0xur lx0xst eye.
YOUR NAME IS PHOBIS SACCHE.
If your lusus could talk, they’d probably say you were a NERVOUS WRECK. You’re not going to tell anyone otherwise, because your shaking hands prevent you from pulling up the blinds in your constantly darkened hive. Not that you’d want to, of course, since you live in a GHOST TOWN. Populated by literal ghosts. They don’t interact with you much, which you’re extremely grateful for. If the drones thought you were alive, you’d be dead in two seconds flat, with your BRIGHT RED BLOOD on public display.
It’s MAGICAL that you’ve survived this long, but you think it’s because of the menacing SERPENT that you’re fortunate enough to have as your guardian. You like to use their scales to fortify the SCYTHES AND OTHER WEAPONRY you build for yourself. They tend to do most of the hunting, as you can’t risk going out of your hive much, but you do enjoy training. Your LIFE itself is a gamble, and it makes you paranoid as hell, but at least you’re a decent fighter. Not that anyone would know or care. You also like TELESCOPES and looking at the STARS, but have no idea that your symbol means anything to do with that.
Your handle is SerpentineStargazer, and youre a phucking,,,, phucking brasssh little,,,,, ssshit whossse dumb… dumb phorked tongue makesss you…. hisss when youre nervoussss.
YOUR NAME IS LAMIAC FENRIS.
You’re small in stature, but that doesn’t undermine how HARD-WORKING AND DRIVEN you can be. After all, when you work for THE EMPRESS, things need to be perfect. You’re also RESIDENT TELEMARAUDER of SKAIANET SYSTEMS, being tasked with worming your way into people’s minds to sell DIFFERENT NEFARIOUSLY-LABELLED PRODUCTS. You’ve never seen them made, but that’s not your job. It’s most likely for the best, anyway, seeing as how easily frightened you can be when FENFOXMOM isn’t around. Working for such an awful corporation and even more awful people - looking at you, Mr LaCroix - makes you sick to your stomach, but you need the security.
You’re a pleasant enough troll to be around, but can always change your expression and demeanour, your words cutting as sharp as the weapons you use to defend yourself. You do hate getting your claws dirty unless people really get on your nerve, in which case you’ll tear them to shreds verbally and physically. Somehow, the renovated ballroom you use as your office has been clean of client’s blood for a whole week! Something tells you you shouldn’t be excited about that, but what can you say? You’re territorial. Even though you can’t remember the last time you properly hunted, you can SEE WHAT’S GOING ON INSIDE PEOPLES’ HEADS and defend yourself.
Your best friend at the palace is the HEIRESS, which can be a bit strange due to the remarkable caste-gap between you, but she barely seems to care about that sort of a thing, which is nice. She’s the reason you have the job at the palace, because you consider THE EMPRESS HERSELF to be a very disagreeable person, even though you can’t exactly state that out loud unless you’re gossiping with Cirlun.
Your handle is FluctuatingFoxfire, and yo)u speak in a manner that perfec)tly c)o)nveys yo)ur need to) pro)tec)t yo)urself fro)m harsh judgement, while also) ho)no)uring the sign emblazo)ned ac)ro)ss yo)ur w)ork c)lo)thes at all times.
YOUR NAME IS IMMERA METREN.
You’ve always been down in the BROODING CAVERNS, doing what all Jades should do and tending to the Mother Grub as she churns out her little grubs for everyone to see. You’d rather not be around to see them, if you’re being honest. You think it’s all just tiresome, thankless work, and aren’t really sure why exactly YOU HAVEN’T RUN AWAY YET. The chattering of your colleagues makes your head hurt, and their happy-go-lucky demeanours just make you REALLY WANT TO SCREAM. At this point, you’d take being a lowblood fighting for their life over whatever job you have here. One occupationless troll among thousands won’t hurt the economy too much, right? You sure hope not.
The fuzzy, pathetic, colourless MOTH you have as your lusus is just waiting to be crushed in the busy environment, and she refuses to leave you alone. Most Jades’ lusii abandon them if they work in a cramped space and fulfil the DESTINY SET OUT FOR THEM, but yours won’t. It’s not like you have the HEART to tell them to leave, and they barely listen to you as it is. No one seems to, troll or otherwise, even though your ninth wriggling day has come and gone and you feel your WINGS growing in. Generally speaking, that’s more of a rare Bronzeblood thing, but you’re sure that’s why your back is itching. You suppose it’s one of the - only - perks of being grub-like.
You just want to do one of two things: Have your colleagues SING YOUR PRAISES for your hard work, as they should acknowledge you, or ESCAPE INTO THE ALTERNIAN WILDERNESS so deeply that not even your lusus will be bothered to traverse your dangerous path. But you have to put up with the noise and the heat and the MURDEROUS INTENT blooming inside you where it shouldn’t really be in the first place.
Your handle is VindictiveVenusian, and YOUR’3 NOT <3RY TOL3RANT OF ANY HOOF33ASTSHIT YOUR COLL3AGU3S TRY TO SPOUT AROUND YOU, SO YOU TRY TO <<ARN THEM OF A POTENTIAL KISM3SITUD3 AT ANY GI<3N MOM3NT.
YOUR NAME IS RUILIN CAPITA.
Some would call you a thief, but you have more dignity than that. Even though people continue to call you dirty and look down upon you for the nefarious way you act, it’s JUST WHAT YOU’VE BEEN TAUGHT by your RACCOON LUSUS. You love them more than you love getting your MONEY-GRUBBING CLAWS all over your newest riches, and that’s certainly a testament to just how highly you think of them. They’ve always been around for you, and you WISH SINCERELY that they’ll never leave, because they’re the only support you have.
You weren’t exactly raised well, being stuck in the BROODING CAVERNS for far longer than you should’ve been while the lusii took charge of all the grubs around you. YOU’RE THE ODD-ONE-OUT. It’s filled you with WHITE-HOT RESENTMENT, and you’re on a mission to gain back what you lost. You’d once wanted to become a legislacerator or something like that, as with all the other trolls in your caste. But that doesn’t quite suit the reputation you have on the streets, nor the way you’ve been treated. Why get justice for a system you don’t believe in? Besides, you know that someone would rat you out so that you’d be culled, not be the one doing the culling.
You want to take back what was stolen from you, and you’ll get your TRUSTY GAUNTLETS dirty any number of times to do so. Mostly, though, you steal money just because you have the skills to. Being a mid-lowblood isn’t the best, so you’ve picked up tips and tricks from THE VERY THUGS YOU’D NOT WANT TO STEAL FROM YOU.
Your handle is RaucousRebellion, and ¥ou t¥p€ using th€ many $trang€ $ymbol$ ¥ou find on ¥our ¢oin$ and not€$ - that w€r€n’t €xa¢tl¥ *¥our$.* until a mom€nt ago.
YOUR NAME IS TRACOR BOLDEL.
Everyone agrees with what you have to say, and that’s exactly how you like it. That’s how it’s always been, from the moment you were chosen in the brooding caverns by your MAGNIFICENT SCORPION LUSUS. They left you long ago, because you didn’t think you needed them, and you don’t really care where they might be right now. They’ve taught you to be commanding, and now your words STING SHARPER than the knives you’re so fond of using at any opportunity you may get. It’s not necessary, really, but it makes you seem fittingly intimidating and means that NO-ONE WILL STEP OUT OF LINE.
So you thought. Contending with idiots in the PRISMATIC TRAINING CENTRE FOR YOUNG PSIONS ((LOCATION B2)) is a much harder task than you first realised, due to the fact that there aren’t enough OVERSEERS and too many indigoblooded instructors that know that they can break your control with a little bit more effort than you can prevent. Why they couldn’t spare two ceruleans per centre is beyond you, but it hardly matters enough. You’ll kill with your knives if your empath abilities don’t work, or they don’t COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY DOMINATE THE COMPETITION YOU’RE CONVINCED IS REAL.
Even though you’re so busy sending goldbloods to their deaths, and you don’t really have time for quadrants, ITORIA APREIN IS OUT FOR YOUR BLOOD. She’s the main reason why you think there’s an uprising stirring within the centre, and the trolls who you let loose from your control at the end of the day DON’T WORSHIP YOU LIKE THEY SHOULD. You’ll fix that over time, of course, but you are just waiting for the right moment to strike.
Your handle is BloodthistyBenevolence, and yovr tone of voice is aluuays nnvch gentler than anyone uuovld expect it to be.
YOUR NAME IS ITORIA APREIN.
Since you rebelled against the TRAINING CENTRES, there has ben a resolute sense of MORAL IMPORTANCE instilled inside you. You don’t think there’s anything else you can do to fulfil your need to help people than providing refuge for the goldbloods entranced by the idealistic, worrisome occupation of helmstroll. It doesn’t bore you if there are a few trolls that come and knock on your door every so often, because ANTMOM has always been around to support you, and she’s even harder a worker tham you. You’ve always wanted to redeem yourself, and realised that preventing the CERULEAN OVERSEERS from culling any more innocent lowbloods is the way to go. There’s nothing more that feels properly fulfilling than DEFENDING OTHERS WITH EVERYTHING YOU’VE GOT.
BREAKING YOUR APATHETIC SHELL has been a hard task and still is, but you’re working as hard as you can to prevent shutting away from the world. Emotional expression has always seemed like something forbidden, especially to INDIGOBLOODS like you. YOU DON’T LIKE FEELING VULNERABLE, but there’s nothing much you can do about it unless everyone just leaves you alone and without any chance to heal. DIETAS makes you feel better about expressing yourself, and you’ve developed pale affections for the little goldblood ever since you found them SCARED AND HALF-DEAD IN THE FOLIAGE. It frightened you, but now not much can. You’re a strong team, and you know they’ll be a backup when things go awry with your DEARLY DETESTED KISMESIS, TRACOR.
You use your knack and love of WIRING AND CIRCUITRY to keep everything safe, creating cameras to track the trolls in your care. You also enjoy SHOOTING DOWN SURVEILLANCE DRONES, because you’ll never truly be FREE of the Overseers and your haunting past if you don’t do something to prevent their poor, uncoordinated attempts at monitoring you. You’re glad for that bit of your unfortunate occupation, at least.
Your handle is EsotericEngineer, and yOu c△n’t seem tO seper△te yOurself frOm △ symbOl Of the life yOu left behind.
YOUR NAME IS JEZAKK IMETAT.
YOUR TIME IS RUNNING OUT. There’s not much you can do about it, though, because your circus troupe’s on the rise, and the RINGMASTER is starting to get some very bad ideas of what they might do to get you to actually comply for once. There’s nothing you can say that’ll make the people around you actually stop and listen. You feel small, so you try to wear BRIGHT, FLASHY COLOURS and STRIPY TIGHTS to mimic the figures so prominent in the jack-in-the-boxes you’ve always been fond of making and tinkering around with. You have no idea when that particular fascination set in, but it keeps you distracted from worse things that might happen to you. Despite the fact that you’re a highblood, you’re younger than the other performers in the troupe and feel more vulnerable than you should be.
You’re not really meant to be in the troupe, anyway. There was a time where you assume some SEADWELLERS were hunting for food or the fun of it - none of which they need to do, you’re guessing, because of how rich they are - and that was when you’d realised there was a harpoon broken off in SEALDAD’S side. So you saw the distant big top and ran to it, hoping that someone could help your lusus. He *was* healed, which you’re grateful beyond gratefulness for, but then… you don’t really remember. Blaring carnival lights, yellow-tinged and blinding, and then… EVERYTHING CHANGED. You never quite made it back to the sea, because the other purples started to teach you their ways, and you have an eerie feeling that they were trying to lure you into working for the ringmaster, who most of them (except for your ‘friend’ Othamo, who’s pretty fearless in a callous way) worship like a god.
Then you did, but you’re working for yourself most of the time. Wilfully disobedient. You just want to get out of the troupe, and you’ll do anything you can, but it’s been a few sweeps already. Performing with Sealdad makes you happy, and your contraptions do. So maybe it’s not so bad to stay for a little while longer. The time will come when you can make a break for it, you’re sure, just as long as you can secure an escape plan that means your lusus won’t be out of the water for too long at once.
Your handle is ClockworkCarnevale. _/[[ yOU’rE EAsIly scArEd, yOUr vOIcE gEttIng ErrAtIcAlly lOUdEr At wEIrd tImEs. bUt yOU bEt thE jAcks In yOUr bOxEs ArE fInE, sO yOU EnclOsE yOUr tExt In OnE tOO, tryIng nOt tO pAnIc. ]]
YOUR NAME IS ASTRIL HURICA.
Though you suppose you go by ASTRIL ZEPHYR now. Nothing’s really worked out for you in your life, but the dastardly clairvoyant you’ve seen loitering around your ADOPTIVE DAUGHTER swears that EVERYTHING’S YOUR FAULT. She’s all wrong, of course, and you have the authority to - and half a mind to - completely banish her from the palace if she says one more thing to damage your opinion of her, which was always bad in the first place. You’re now the ‘mother’ of Cirlun, a disobedient and woefully immature fuchsiablood who was entrusted to you by virtue of your position as head of the VENERATED COUNCIL OF VIOLETS. It was disbanded many a sweep ago, with the heiress’ arrival on your sad little planet. THE COUNCIL was a committee of seadwellers with the purest blood, closest to that of a natural Aquarian, who banded together to keep the citizens of DUIIARIA (Now colloquially ‘Earth X’) from descending into anarchy.
You don’t have the best relationship sense, being that you CULLED YOUR MOTHER at the tender age of six sweeps. You could argue that you were only small, and naive, but you were seething with unbridled resentment and RAGE, even knowing that jellyfish don’t talk and thus don’t communicate well. You’ve kept that QUIETLY MURDEROUS DISPOSITION ever since the deed was carried out, and never intend to drop it. Tyranny is the only way you know how to keep your citizens in check, and you don’t intend to learn any other way. It’s ruthlessly effective, and that’s the only standard you’ll accept. It’s probably one of the reason’s why everyone thinks you’re WICKED AND UNCOMPROMISING, even your own daughter. You’d like nothing more than to leave Cirlun to her own devices and show her just how foolish she is to want pacifism.
But now, you wait eagerly in the shadows until she reaches the appropriate age to ascend to the throne. Then you’ll truly teach her what it’s like to fight for her life, even though you never really had to in your own right. You’ve spent a long, long time trying to prepare Duiiaria for survival when up against MILITARY AND INTERGALACTIC OPPOSITION, as you want to conquer as much as you can. You’re not about to relinquish your autocratic mindset for a brat like her, even though she has the right by blood. It won’t matter so much any more if you spill it first.
Your handle is GalacticGalvaniser, and you speak As Cr1sply And D1rec7ly As You Expect Your Orders 7o Carry 7hrough 7o Your L177le C171zens. 7OUR 7EMPERAMENT CHANGES S11GH717 WHEN YOU’RE ANGR7, 7HOUGH.
YOUR NAME IS CIRLUN ZEPHYR.
You’re the heiress to an empire that you want none of. You were adopted by a troll (despite having a rather pathetic and sickly lusus) after emerging from the CHOKING DARKNESS, and she won’t give you the time of day (unless it’s to mock you for your poor fighting times) so you’ve realised there’s no point in asking how. That’s the only thing you’re glad for, you suppose. The fact that she stays out of your hair is certainly good, because you’re not good in social situations or with diplomacy at all, and you have plenty of time to escape up to the palace’s extensive library. The library is the only time you get any relief from any pressure being an heiress brings.
Reading, of course, is your main form of escapism since it’s so easy to access. Nobody much minds that you while away your time in the library, save for when ASTRIL sends guards to pull you away from your latest fascination to train. Training, that is, for your imminent death at the Empress’ own hand - or trident, as it were. You don’t really know why she does train you directly, since you think that’s something you need to do for yourself, but you guess she *is* PRETTY DAMN BLOODTHIRSTY. The fact that you put up a fight makes everything that much more enjoyable, and you’d say you’re a MORE THAN SERVICEABLE fighter. So much so that you swear you’d be at the forefront of your mother’s GALACTIC ARMY had she not decided she wanted to cull you from the moment she first laid eyes on you.
You’re pretty sheltered, being the only fuchsiablood in your timeline, but you do have a moirail (who you’re pretty sure your mother wouldn’t like at all by virtue of his being a MUTANT) that you sneak out and see under the guise of MYSTER WAEVEL, just another violetblood. Technology has made it easier for you to hide your own blood, and you’re hoping that Etoile could one day mask his as well. Inside the palace walls, LAMIAC FENRIS is your best and only friend, and you often sit with each other and talk when she’s not working. The stories she tells are mainly client complaints, but you’re lucky that the gory recounts she tells with such zeal don’t turn your stomach much. The bloodstains on her office walls don’t help.
A lot about you is a total mystery, but that’s just the way you like it.
Your handle is AlchemicAxolotl, named for your love of the lusus you’re NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE. ))((oping you )(onour your biggest rolemodel - w)(o's long gone, only around in t)(e b∞ks you pour over - you've since added a little flair to your typing, and t)(ink it l∞ks a lot more personal.
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Hii!! I hope you don't mind, but are u fine with doing a fiona and a gn s/o living a cottagecore life headcannons 👉👈? if so, please take ur time and take care of urself as well, ty!!! <3
oh absolutely !! thank you, you’re so kind and i hope you’re well 💕 i apologize for being a bit inactive by the way, i’ve been very tired lately and school plus dance classes are taking most of my time, lol.
reader is gender neutral
-after making it out of the manor alive, you and fiona were absolutely overjoyed. to be together, safe, and every bit in love as you were in that crazy game, you both were beyond grateful.
-it was definitely a bit of an adjustment at first, so suddenly being thrown back into the outside world. however, you two slowly got on your feet, with steady jobs, new hobbies and social circles, and most recently- a stone cottage, miles south of the city, surrounded by woodland, gardens, and animals.
-this house felt like a fresh start with your lover, and truth be told, it was. you’d lived together, sure, but never on your own accord, never just the two of you, never your choice where you were at what time with whom. freedom was such a blessing, you found, and a blessing that fiona thanked the gods for. she couldn’t believe she was really moving in with you, finally becoming the ringleader of her own life again while she has her beloved next to her.
-first, you decorated the home together- doilies on the dining table, wind chimes hung outside on the windows, a little cobblestone path leading up to the door. you both had your own little touches to add, for example, fiona took the initiative to set up a few altars in your shared bedroom, as well as gather little trinkets to place around the house. fairy statues, incense holders, bracelets and amulets, all of it was scattered around.
-once settled in, the two of you found you enjoyed cooking together the most. fiona would often sneak up behind you after sleeping in, you making breakfast for when she wakes up and snaking her arms around your waist, pressing a gentle kiss to your temple, wishing you a good morning. you’d often make little messes in the kitchen, giggling as you accidentally got flour all over the counters or icing on your cheeks after being a little too messy sampling cakes.
-you’d also often take long walks in the meadows and woods, watching as the little animals sung and played during the warm afternoons. often holding hands, she’d point out pretty flowers to you, and sometimes stop in her tracks to gather things to put on an altar.
-but of course, fiona is a wild one, and she’ll want to go on adventures with you. late night road trips to nowhere in particular, loud music blaring over the record players in the cottage as she dances without any type of coordination. it’s always a new thing with the priestess, and although she’s not as much of an adrenaline junkie as she may have been in the manor, she still wants to have her fun.
-fiona often can be found thanking the gods that they’d blessed her with such a fulfilling, fun, and loving life, with her dream partner by her side. it’s endearing, really.
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when i saw you answered my ask i got so honored THANK YOU BBY and then the updates holy shit these last two chapters were *chefs kiss* as always felix made me so soft! seungmin denying that he’s a simp! hyunjin being a (lovable) whore i love how you portrayed everyone 💖💗💕💘💓 also ryujin best girl ‼️ she deserves the world 🥺 i have a question tho will ryujin be one of the boys love interest or are they more big ass simps for y/n?? (idk if this question will make sense cuz english is not my first language + i’m dumb) and if ur not planning on that but you had to choose who would would you match ryujin with? anyway thank you for feeding us you’re content is amazing and i look down to each and every update <333 don’t overwork yourself tho ahaha ur so sexy aha
(ignoring the fact that that’s basically hj in this fic, i’m fr don’t overwork urself and my dms are always open if you wanna talk or 👉👈 be friends!!)
okay first off when I first saw this, I nearly teared up bc long asks like this are the BEST like thank you bby 🥺
ahh I’m glad you enjoyed the updates!! felix is always making us soft in real life so I had to make my au felix just as lovely 🥰 we all know y/n got them boys simping for her, even seungmin!! and hj the whore ofc, the au would not be complete without whorey hyunjin 🥴
ooh that’s a really good question and I’m gonna be honest and say that I haven’t actually thought about it 😳 I’ll consider a relationship for our best girl ryujin, and I’m more than happy to take suggestions about who you think she should be with 👀 (and pls don’t even worry about your english, it’s impeccable angel!!)
ahh bby you don’t even need to thank me, I wanna thank you for being so lovely and supportive!! and dw angel I won’t overwork myself, don’t worry about me ahaha ur so sexy
(also tumblr gave me a warning that the image contains sensitive content and when I clicked on it, I literally screamed out loud bc it’s so funny that tumblr warned me about the fuckboy-promcommiteehj-face 💀)
thank you very much angel, I will definitely take you up on that offer!! 💕💕
Heyo um can I request hcs where Xingqiu with a gender neutral reader and they are an absolute blushing mess around Xingqiu? To clarify, s/o and Xingqiu are already in a relationship but s/o still intensely blushes when they kiss or something. This uh is most likely hard to understand so I can rewrite this request if u want. Hope u can understand this and oh! dont stress urself! ✨💖🌟
I think I have gay panics everytime I look at Xingqiu.
I understood your request, don’t worry nonnie uwu)~ Xingqiu is a charming fellow so I don’t blame ya xD And thank you, you take good care of yourself too 💖
Tsk tsk. While Xingqiu himself is inexperienced when it comes to this type of relationship, his confidence and social skills at least prevent him from turning situations awkward... unlike you. He knows you get nervous easily, especially when it comes to intimacy, but he didn’t expect it to be this bad. He doesn’t mind however, because that is a side of you he finds endearing.
With a strong sense of honour and justice, Xingqiu is no doubt a charming boy. He can easily make you flustered without trying, and whenever you get embarrassed by his romantic gestures - such as kissing your knuckles, pressing his forehead against yours so he could gaze into your eyes - he’d lightly pinch your cheeks and comment on how adorable you are.
Although he told himself that he’s fine with it, it does become a minor inconvenience at times. Whenever Xingqiu brings you to Wanmin restaurant, Xiangling would always make you two sit next to each other. Xingqiu is more than happy to, but you... you’d break out into cold sweat, your palms would turn clammy and your cheeks would heat up to the point where you’re completely flushed. He’d express his concern about how red your face is, and if he brings himself closer to check your temperature, you’d let out a string of unintelligible words and immediately bury your face in your hands. It’d take him a while to convince you to stop hiding your face so you can eat before the food gets cold.
The first time Xingqiu introduced you to Chongyun, he wrapped an arm around your shoulder to pull you towards him before leaning his head on yours, eliciting a dark blush from you as you tensed in his hold - because of the way you reacted, the exorcist didn’t believe that you two were legitimately dating in the beginning. He honestly thought that you were bribed into the relationship with mora and proceeded to scold the Hydro user for harassing you.
Since Xingqiu reads a lot of books, he has access to a library of cheesy compliments and pet names. He enjoys catching you off-guard with names such as “honey” and “sweetheart”, and he usually follows them up with a compliment he learnt from one of his books.
Your first kiss? Hooo boi. The road to your first kiss was a long one because you never initiated it. He had to take the lead, and when he did, the attempts were... awkward. Your noses would bump against each other’s, you’d pull away too quickly, or you’d just hide your face in his chest before anything even happened. You eventually did have your first kiss under the luminescence of the Lantern Rite Festival. Homeboi had to cup your face to stop you from breaking the kiss-
Xingqiu likes to use you as a lap pillow while reading his book, and he likes it even more if you run your fingers through his hair. You seem to have reservations whenever he rests his head on your lap, and he’d sometimes have to tell you that he wants you to play with his hair to make your hesitation dissipate.
He is the second son of the Guild Manager of the Feiyun Commerce Guild, so he’s pretty loaded. He doesn’t mind spoiling you with gifts once in a while since you never ask him for anything, so when he’s in a particularly good mood, he’d bring you to the shops and ask if there’s anything that catches your eye. If you choose not to buy anything, he’ll pick out a gift for you instead - and what he chooses is always to your liking.
Please, even if you get shy, you've gotta hold hands with him. Your hands are his favourite part of you, so expect him to suddenly grab one of them and nuzzle your palm when he’s feeling particularly affectionate.
He usually avoids PDA for your sanity sake, but if he has a book in hand (which is always), he may sneak in a kiss or two with it shielding your faces uwu)b
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Headcanons of the boys with a witch s/o?? ~ I rlly like your blog 💛
Hemlo! I'm assuming you're speaking about the stereotypes of a witch pictured in fantasy books rather than what's accurate and I'll go with the "brooms and cat and nice healing spells and charms in a big pot" trope.
When you first arrived and the others tried to catch you, everyone thought you were going to be gone soon. But to their surprise, Beliath flew around and hit a wall as soon as he tried to put his hands on you. "A witch." That's all Aaron had to say to make everyone get weary around you. The older ones had heard and seen witches when they used to fend for themselves. This one was rather... Endearing, as they apologized to the demon and fixed the hole on the wall sheepishly.
He's used to it as he used to help witches as much as he could when they needed it. He's seen some spells, but never up close.
When you summon a little ball of light and make it float in front of you as you walk with him in the dark, he feels pride swell on his chest at how clever you are.
He enjoys hearing your experiments and your harmless pranks and your protective charms that you insist he keeps on his pocket when he goes out to buy you food.
You give a nice touch to the garden and things grow like they want to, in contrast to Vladimir's side where things are trimmed and calculated.
He worries about you a lot if you have to travel for supplies so he asks you to do it when he's gone for the full moon because he kind of forgets about it as he runs through the forest. And he LOVES hunting with you after a good bit into the relationship.
If you're interested in his stories, he might tell you all about his encounters with witches before bed while you cuddle. When he's about to turn the beside light off, he kisses your nose, saying you're the best witch he ever met.
He adores smelling the plants you collect and feeling the crystals you have in your room. The sound of the little charms you hang on the windows make him feel at ease too.
He also likes it when you flip the book pages fast with magic and he hears you speaking from the other side of the room while you do it. He asks you to flip his and he giggles like a baby when you do.
He is fascinated by the sounds the spells make and he loves to hear you finish them and how lovely your taste with little bottles are, and when you give him a charm to keep him safe, he treasures it so much you're even surprised.
He loves to hear your stories and how much you love to do small things and work here and there for the townspeople with herbal medicines the doctor ask them to get from you.
He feels safe and cared for around you, and he tends to entrust some of his tasks to you because he feels like you'll finish them perfectly. Suddenly, Beliath doesn't really need to fetch books for him at the store anymore.
When he learns you can move objects and you have the idea of making braille stamps to translate books for him, he goes WILD with excitement.
As soon as he saw you through the wall you just threw him into, he knows he has to have you. You're ravishing AND strong. Also, you had the care to throw him against the wall without any portraits and it wasn't really painful, so you're a quick thinker too. It was a good spell.
With time, he becomes your friend then your boyfriend. The thing is that since he knows you're a witch, this became a serious problem when you're coming back home from parties. You already know what he's going to say as soon as he makes a silly face.
"Hey. I'm gonna ring this random lady's bell and you'll have to step on that trashcan lid and fly us out of here." "Beliath, no." "I'm gonna ring it." "No, Beli-" "POOOOOM" "RUN, BABE, JUMP ON IT!"
He laughs his ass off as you grab the lid, turn it around, sit inside of it and haul him out of the ground while he runs at full speed. Your hands hold his torso and he yells into the night as you breathe heavily because that shit was Scary™.
He also helps you constantly with supplies and some of his own knowledge on demoniac powers and tricks. You both can easily handle any hard situations without even laying hands on your opponents. That's a power couple right there.
You both protect each other and he actually puts your charms in good places even though he's literally a demon. You get the heart-eyes every time he does things right and learns a few simple spells for you.
Prepare to be BOMBARDED with questions and your new job as a co-leader of the garden. The way you move ten seeds at the same time and dig holes on the dirt as quick as he ever could is amazing to him.
He inspects glasses and widens his eyes at colorful and contained reactions your spells make. He loves it when you explain how things work in detail and he feels safe knowing you won't be in trouble and you can protect each other from whatever.
He smells you often because the herbs you use on your medicines and potions smell good for him.
The first time he sees you on top of a random object floating around, you WILL get pulled down by his cane like a mango on top of a tree. He will tell you this is dangerous and will ask you to not sit on random things and fly on them, but when you explain how it works, he feels relieved.
One day when he's sad, you ask him to come to you from the stairs, but you lift his shoes in the process. When he sees he's walking in the air, he can't stop laughing. If the others see it, he will be flustered though.
Will bonk you if you come inside with herbs on your head and clothes. Clean urself before coming home! When he sees you sitting idly when it's your time to clean while the broom sweeps on it's own, he gets super jealous.
Will try to match and argue with your knowledge often because well, he's a doctor. How can you simply make Ivan's burnt skin heal instantly with no repercussions for the both of you? That's bullshit.
When you explain where do you take this energy from and how you manage it, he understands better. "So... There's always a price for things and you keep yourself in check and in tune with your savings to make the right spells... Interesting..."
If he makes you mad, you dye his hair different colors he hates for an undetermined period of time. He hates going out with orange hair, but pranking you was actually a good idea.
He likes your ointments a lot and he uses them when the boys are sick. You teach him some things and he teaches you others, like how to stitch someone's wounds and basic training on how to be a nurse and save someone with simple steps.
He thinks you look so cool when you fight and he asks you to throw small seeds on Ivan and Beliath while he isn't looking just to piss him off. It's your fun when everything gets boring.
If he's going through a hard time, you cast a few pretty spells before bed and make the shapes he asks you to to entertain him. He adores you so, so much for that. He will say it eventually.
The first time he gives you a gift, it's a snow sled for you to fly around on. He also runs errands for you and takes things out of your way. Basically, he turns into your apprentice and laps everything up.
It's more likely that Ivan finds his powers sooner while he's around you, because his minds opens itself to the possibilities and he begins exercising and training more often to find his own thing out of inspiration.
He loves your charms and spells, and he asks you to give some to Aaron often because he gets worried in full moon. He also likes to read tomes and books to you while you do what they say.
He appreciates you and your help to train him and keep him in check, and the fact you can handle him easily while he's thirsty makes it ten times easier for him to trust himself and overcome his gluttony.
If you take long to come back from trips he gets kind of sulky and asks you to be careful. He's worried about you and what could happen. It's also boring without Aaron and you around. :(.
Asks you a thousand questions and hears your stories with the brightest eyes. He flinches when there's emotion and action, smiles when you do and sometimes he claps in the end, then gets flustered when you mock him. You're just so interesting :(
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hey sumi! sending you motivation for your soob fic you’ve been working so long and so hard on it and i know you’ve got this and it’ll be so amazing!! even if it’s 21k words and some people might not read it, there will always be people who will love it and take the time to appreciate your effort! it’ll be so worth it! and there’s nothing wrong with your writing style everyone has diff ones and yours is just as amazing! 21k is such a monster of a fic and im proud of u for getting so far good luck finishing it up 💛 super excited to read it when it drops hope you’re taking care of urself and getting the rest u deserve!
I'm sorry that you have to consult me on this,, but I've been trying to write it as is, hoping that it'll come out well and that it makes sense. That's the number one thing I'm so worried is that does the flow make any sense? And so I come back to reading everything from the start and hate it. I don't know if this is the mixture of stress from school and personal problems, adding it up to the stress of writing, like I swear I've had so many breakdowns because of this. Again I'm sorry I'm rambling at this point fhfbfjdk,, it's a big problem
But I appreciate the support though, the process is always the hardest to get through. I'm not particularly confident in it but I won't let that a work that long to waste,, hopefully someone will enjoy it once it drops.
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Hii, I saw that your requests are open and I wanted to send my first request ever...to you🥺✨ I've only been on tumbler for about a year year now- anyway
Can you do a angst where the characters get upset at their s/o in the gym and yell at you in front of their teammates...I'm really tryna cry today🥲 with tsukishima, Bokuto, and sakusa? Thank you so muchhh, drink water to day and eat if you haven't already😽✨
hq boys yelling at you in front of their teammates
with: tsukishima, bokuto, timeskip!sakusa
AFTERMATH OUT NOW
ALSO- bokuto art | tsuki art by @drawingnonstop
a/n: tw!cursing -> akskhfssfkf i’m honored to be ur first request? also one whole year?! thats a long time, i think i first ever downloaded it in october due to tik tok! dw i’ve been eating and drinking (way to many different things) today, i hope ur taking care of urself too... also i mean this in the nicest way possible, but i hope i can make u cry- er- enjoy, or not? (this can be post or pre-time skip, you choose (except for sakusa, that’s timeskip!)
song i reccomend listening to: the joke, brandi carlile
-> BOKUTO was having one of those days, a new spiking technique was just not working and he was already in a pissy mood when you dropped by with lunch. “hey kou!” you call out to him, running towards the bench where he’s sitting “i brought you lunch, i thought we might be able to eat together!” “not right now y/n, i’m busy” “but you were just-” “well now i’m not, go eat lunch with someone else” “but you said we’d eat toge-” “ i don’t care what i said earlier, go eat lunch by urself for all i care, just get out of my way, geez your such a pain”, you hear him mutter under his breath as starts to away. reaching out, you grab his arm, whirling him around to face you “what did you just say?” “ I SAID UR SUCH A PAIN IN MY ASS, GO GET A LIFE Y/N I HAVE THINGS TO DO AND YOUR JUST DISTRACTING ME” “distracting you?” “PISS OFF Y/N” you look at him, just standing there, not caring who see’s the tears falling from your eyes, feeling as if you just saw your world shatter. walking closer to him you reach out, slapping him across the cheek, the noise echoing through the deathly quiet gym “you know what bokuto? fuck you.”
-> SAKUSA just wasn’t having it today, his teammates were more annoying than usual and someone had accidentally sneezed on him, so seeing you waltz through the gym door was just the cherry on top to his perfectly horrible day. “hey omi, i came to ask you if you’d seen my wallet anywhere since u weren’t answering your texts” “you drove 40 minutes to ask me a question i could’ve texted you about?” looking over to you, he lets out an agitated sigh “well you weren’t responding, and maybe i wanted to stop by and say hi!” “geez y/n ur so fucking clingy” u hear him mumble, turning back towards his bag. “what?” “you heard me, i said you’re so fucking annoying y/n, seriously you can’t leave me alone for one afternoon?” “what the fuck omi, what’s up ur ass today?” “CAN A MAN JUST WANT TO HAVE SOME SPACE FROM HIS S/O FOR A FEW HOURS? SERIOUSLY Y/N JUST BECAUSE WE’RE DATING DOESN’T MEAN WE NEED TO BE ATTATCHED AT THE HIP” you take a step back, trying to process what all he said “sakusa, i don’t know what the fuck happened to you that made u such a bitch, but pull it together before you dig ur own grave. i don’t know what’s been with you lately, but stop being such a loser” you manage to get the last of your sentence out, eyes trying to water, but you keep them at bay, refusing to give him the satisfaction. “y/n, get out of my way” he moves, shouldering you out of the way, the act of aggression being the last straw. u yank the shiny new ring off your finger, a promise of what was supposed to be your relationship “you have till the end of the day to get ur shit out of my apartment”thrusting the ring into his palm, you turn, walking out through the doors not once looking back
-> TSUKISHIMA had a long day full of yelling coaches and extra laps, and you surprising him at the gym just might have been the straw to break the camel’s back. your cheerful demeanor only managed to dampen his, annoyance spreading across his face like wildfire “hey tsuki, just though i’d dr-” “y/n why are you here?” “i just thought i’d surprise you!” you chirp back, confusion beginning to set in. you knew tsuki didn’t really like surprises, but you happened to be in the area and wanted to check in “seriously y/n, what’s with you? you should have at least texted me before dropping by unannounced and interrupting practice” “o-oh, i’m sorry tsu-” “my god y/n, ur just too clingy, i though you could manage for a few hours by yourself but i guess not” “uh-tsuki” one of his teammates taps him on the shoulder, but he just shrugs it off, continuing on his rampage. “you know what, i don’t have time for you and your tears right now, just go, i have better things to worry about right now then you and ur stupid feelings” you can feel your heart shatter in your chest, breaking into a million pieces at those words. the one person you loved so much, practically spitting in your face, telling you how much of a burden you are. you turn, darting from the gym, attempting to wipe the tears now freely flowing down your cheeks
a/n: i currently dislike sakusa VERY strongly rn and may or may not have hurt my own feelings writing this
see you space cowboy
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hey bbyyyy can i get a match up with a sk8, jjk & haikyuu boy thank u luv 😽💋💋 i’m 16 (i’m an august leo ik v bad bih of me) i’m 5’3, i’m skinny (plz i hate it here at least i have curves ig 🥲) i have v long dark red and black hair (it was black and grey blonde but i changed it up for lunar new year) that’s a bit curly, i have v dark brown eyes. i’m north african and chinese. i’m pretty sure all that was irrelevant 💀🤚🏼 my hobbies are skateboarding, drawing, writing lyrics and producing songs and i’ve been doing dance and taekwondo simultaneously since i was 7. i’m a very passionate and expressive person (v heavy on my activist shit 💅🏼) but nobody gives me the time of day to listen😔 my fav subjects at school r bio, sociology, psychology and maths. i struggle with a lot of insecurities, a cute funsies ed and bipolar depression but i’m definitely the kind that puts a face on and overworks myself as a coping mechanism. v heavy on the clashing superiority and inferiority complex (i kin oikawa, bakugo, denki and reki plz someone help me). a lot of ppl find me a bit intimidating and mean (i just have a rbf and i’m v funny but ppl don’t like my elite gen z humor) but i’m just a big baby lowkey i’m secretly v emotional and sensitive🧍🏻♀️i’m good at taking care of ppl and helping everyone out even at my own cost which is why when i breakdown i push everyone away bcuz i don’t want ppl knowing i feel like this (esp since i put a big front by constantly saying how i’m so hot or so smart blah blah it’s all a lie i hate myself✨✨) i have fam problems so i’ve never been able to commit or find love despite many ppl wanting me, i just want someone who speaks to my soul and loves every flawed part of me and all the things i love (even my spirituality stuff since everybody just thinks i’m crazy), someone who’s obsessed with me (in a healthy way) like GOD PLZ 🤲🏼 . btw i’m a big chase atlantic, the neighborhood, arctic monkeys, summer walker, doja cat and kali uchis fan (i also stan kpop i luv ateez, skz and txt) ‼️ i kinda used this to vent lolsies free therapy 😻 anyways thank u ily take care of urself and rest u deserve it ur so lovely ❤️💋
Event Masterlist [closed]
I match you with...
Loves the fact that you’re just taller than Noya
But also how expressive you are
Loves your body, curves or not
And your hair
Again, this boy used to help dye his sisters hair no doubt
So he would love to help you dye it red for lunar new year
Will beg you to show him some of your taekwondo moves~
Don’t do it tho or he’ll try to do them too and hurt himself
He’s a wild boy so he won’t mind your gen z humour
Loves hearing you talk about your passions and how into it you get when you tell him
Save his grades plz
Is so amazed by how you can like school and those subjects
Loves your RBF
Thinks it makes you look SO HOT AND COOL lowkey
Will brag to people about it
Absolutely loves babying you when you’re down
Will go into ultimate protective bf mode
Just teach him what me needs to know and he’ll help you
Honorable mention: Asahi Azamune
Thinks all your different hobbies are super cool
Dance with him to all your favorite music and he’ll be so happy
Admires how passionate you are
Can’t for the life of him undersatand how you can enjoy any of those subjects but at the same time
He’ll come to you for help with said subjects homework
He’s kinda chaotic friendly so he’ll aggressively support you in anything you do
Helps you unwind after a long day
Helps you wash your hair
But don’t let this boy near your hair dye
If you try to push him away he’ll come crashing through your sore and force all his love and affection on you until you accept it
Your hype man when you need it
Dance dance dance with this boy
Have you seen his moves? He CAN dance but he won’t admit it
Hope you like your matches made in heaven!!! (Or hell)
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Hey, it's me again! ^.^ I was wondering if I could order a red velvet truffle this time. As a reminder, here's the info from the previous request (with new info that I forgot to mention on the other one 😅):
I'm a 5'4" tall, straight Virgo girl with brown eyes, glasses (I only need them for distance since my eyes can't focus all too well). My hair color is currently blonde, but I'm dying it platinum blonde (dying it from dark auburn so the color rn is kinda a caramel color). I'm pretty chubby, but I guess not that chubby since I'm not obese but not exactly healthy either....
Let's see... I'm pretty shy at first when meeting knew people, and tend to talk so fast I trip over my words from time to time and get tongue tied (This gets worse around a guy I like and it frustrates me). The more someone gets to know me, the more talkative I become (which doesn't mean I wanna talk all the time, I'd be happy listening to him talk more than me, but I do tend to go into an excited rant like Midoriya if someone brings up something I really like [aka MHA 🤣]). I'm sweet, caring, loyal to a fault but I can be stubborn when I wanna be and insecure (boy with me must have extreme patience)...
I love listening to music, singing (I haven't sang in front of a huge crowd before), reading, writing (though my brain jumps back and forth between ideas, so I haven't exactly finished writing a fanfic yet 😅). I get flustered easily when complimented, so....
Dislikes include bullies (I was bullied myself, so I hate it when other people do it) cheaters (been cheated on in a relationship, no way do I wanna go through it again), alcoholics and drug addicts (I would explain why but I don't wanna get into something that might trigger someone, so I won't get into the details, just know that my biological Dad was one and I've seen what alchohol and drugs can do to someone... It's not pretty)
Talents: I know for sure that singing is one of them (which is one of my hobbies XD) and I'm told I'm a talented writer (writing is also one of my hobbies :3), but given the fact that I have a brain that keeps switching focus on ideas for different fandoms I haven't finished anything yet 😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅
Fears: The list could go on forever.... I have a slight stage fright (I shake a bit until I start singing, but I don't freeze up, never ask me to public speak thou...). I'm insecure as well, so my biggest fear is not being good enough (I can't remember if I already told you if I'm insecure and the boy paired with me is gonne have to be super duper patient 😅)
Aspirations: I really wanna be a singer one day (I'm actually doing voice lessons so I'm on my way there! ^.^) I'm good at writing lyrics but composing music? Not so much XD Oh, I do eventually wanna have a family, just later down the road with the right guy ^.^
I admire someone who is brave, compassionate, loyal to a fault (as loyal as I am ^.^ and I don't mind if he gets a bit protective of me XD)...
But, since I got dragged into too much drama during high school, I hate people who spread rumors for attention, players (people who date multiple people), and I usually stay away from people who are arrogant beyond belief (believing in urself is important, but it becomes a problem if you're over confident, know what I mean?) and people who are conceited (not to say that loving yourself isn't important, it is! I just don't like it when people are obsessed with themselves.... If that made any sense XD)
Anyways, thank you for even reading this and I hope you enjoy the rest of your day!
OKAY GIRL FIRST OF ALLLLL tysm for all the likes on my stuff, it means so much that you like and support my blog even tho this took forever for me to get to (i really appreciate you for waiting so long btw) 🥺💖💗 Now, for your patiently awaited matchup, I thought you’d be best with...
«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»
OOH back to back protag boyfriends, lucky you ;0 It actually took me a while to land on him but I have no idea why, you guys are so similar it hurts in the best way possible oml—
First off, he’s ecstatic to find someone that doesn’t mind his muttering and rambling, even more so when he discovers you do it too! You’re both naturally shy and easily flustered (which makes for some very entertaining scenes when you’re both pining for each other and get all stuttery and flushed, people have full on brought out snacks and watched 👀👀) but it also means you understand one another well, able to comfort and assure the other with ease.
In more ways than one, if you really think about it. Both of you have a history of bullying, a tendency for low self-esteem, daddy issues, gosh your relationship is so mutualistic both of you always know what to say to lift the other up 🥺 On top of all that you also greatly admire each other—Izuku’s the bravest and sweetest guy you know by far, while he thinks you’re incredibly talented in turn. You constantly support each other with your goals, heroism and stardom respectively, fighting back whenever insecurities and doubts start to bleed through because you just care for the other so so deeply, and I’m def starting to sound like a broken record so lemme move onto the zodiac portion asjfakshswajdb
Izuku is a Cancer, a bit more of an emotional sign than Virgos tend to be, but that doesn’t make you guys any less close! The relationship is a very sincere, secure, and down-to-earth one, as along with everything else you have near-identical beliefs and domestic desires (which will make his mom very happy, she’s always wanted grandkids ûwû) so no matter what hiccups you may face, you guys always power through it ^w^
There’s not much else to say lmao, you guys are practically inseparable. All your nights are spent reading together and discussing your writings, yours being stories while his were hero notes, listening to music all the while, until it gets turned down in favor of your voice that sings him to sleep. He much prefers it anyway, and will for the rest of his life〜
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hey :) i hope ur taking care of urself properly and staying safe! may i please request a NSFW attackontitan!au where the reader is a tattoo artist and they're giving eren a tattoo below the hip and then blows him? they give him like really good head- and doesn't even mess up the tat? ✨thanks lilith
hi lovely! whew i am thinking thoughts, and am happy to oblige :)
warnings: sub!eren, softdom!gn reader, power dynamics (tattoo artist x client, but with enthusiastic consent) blowjob, sex while getting a tattoo done (dangerous lol)
Guys like him come in all the time.
After working at a tattoo parlor for years, you’ve seen them all. Guys with strategically placed tattoos, one’s designed to make people fall for them. A small crescent moon on their shoulder, or whatever. The first three chords of a Tame Impala song on the side of their arm, or something. Lots of bravado, false confidence.
“I’ll be fine,” the guy says to you, lying on the tattoo table, his smirk slightly wavering, betraying his nervousness. “I’ve done this before.”
He’s in his mid twenties like you, all angles and lines and intense, angsty expressions, long hair swept up into a messy bun, wearing a tight black tank top and too many rings. He’s got a few tattoos down his arms, and they’re pretty well done, you have to admit-well placed, good coloring, strong line work.
“You’ve never done one below the belt though,” you say, a matter of fact, as he looks up at you, adamant. “I’ve only done the outline and you’re already about to cry. I haven’t even started coloring yet.”
The guy, whose name is Eren, you remember, is clearly scared out of his mind. You can see right through him-his entire look is meticulously designed, as if he’s a lamb masquerading as a heartbreaker. You warned him before the session started that impulsively getting an extremely detailed tattoo of a sparrow right above his come gutters, and inches away from his crotch, was going to hurt like hell. Arm tattoos couldn’t prepare him for that.
Despite your warnings, he insisted, and he’s been cursing in pain for the past hour, and now he’s gripping the edges of the table as you prep your needles to start coloring.
“I’m not going to cry,” he huffs out in anger, and you reach out with your free hand, putting it over his to comfort him. He jolts, surprised, but leans into the touch.
You’d be lying if you said he isn’t attractive. He is, in an ‘I want to fuck you to get you to shut up and stop being so smug’ kind of way. But having thoughts like that about clients is extremely unprofessional, and so you try to push the feeling away.
It’s difficult not to think about things like that, however, because Eren is impossibly hard.
His black boxer briefs are already pushed down as far as they can go, so that they don’t obstruct your tattooing, and the tight material leaves nothing to the imagination. You’ve been trying not to stare, but it’s really hard not to, and neither of you have mentioned it since his erection started to form in the past thirty minutes.
‘That must hurt,’ you think to yourself. You almost feel bad for the guy.
“It does,” Eren says, and you curse as you realize that you said that out loud.
“Shit. Sorry,” you say, pressing the needle to his skin once more. Eren winces, and the hand that’s still touching your free one moves to his lower stomach as he intertwines your fingers together and squeezes tightly. You raise an eyebrow at that, but continue. You can work with one hand.
But now your hand is dangerously close to a place it shouldn’t be, and you’re not even sure Eren realizes it. He’s too busy shutting his eyes tight and struggling not to move as you start adding some color to the sparrow’s wings.
“Uh, Eren-” you start to say, and he curses as another wave of pain hits him, and he-accidentally-brushes the back of your hand against his clothed cock.
You freeze, and Eren opens his eyes, an apology on his lips. Something that has been building in the locked back room between the two of you starts to reach a fever pitch, all the sly glances and the hand holding charged with something else entirely, something more. You stare at each other for a brief moment, and a decision is made.
“Please. It hurts. Help me,” Eren pleads.
You move your hand lower.
“You have to stay absolutely still,” you say to him, before palming at his erection.
Eren groans, but respects your wishes, continuing to lay down as you add some copper red onto the wings. Your hand makes its way into the waistband of his briefs, grabbing ahold of his cock and grasping it firmly in your hand. Your heart is beating out of your chest, excitement building up as you feel the thickness and length of it in your palm.
“Is this okay? Are you sure?” you ask him.
“Yes. Yes. Please. Don’t stop. It’s making me forget about the pain.”
You nod, licking your lips as you start to move your hand up and down; your palm is already soaked in his pre, and you can see him resisting the urge to buck his hips up and fuck himself into your hand. Luckily, this is actually helping-Eren isn’t squirming about and trying not to cry anymore, and you can focus on coloring his tat in with one hand while getting him off with the other. A part of you can’t believe you’re doing this.
But hey, you’ve gotten crazier tattoo requests.
“You like that, don’t you,” you say softly, and Eren nods before remembering your demand that he stay still, a sheen of sweat on his forehead as you work his cock in your hand with slow, purposeful strokes.
“Give me more, yeah?” Eren asks, his eyes fixed on the movement of your hand in his briefs as he sucks in a breath. “Harder-”
“You want more, huh?” you tease him, stilling your movements and delighting in the groan of discomfort he gives you. “Then say please. Good boys say please. You’re a good boy, aren’t you, Eren?”
“Yes, I’m a good boy. So please,” Eren whimpers, and the sound of it travels straight to your crotch.
“Fuck,” you say, lifting the needle from his skin to climb onto the tattoo table.
Eren watches closely as you position yourself so that your face is level with his crotch, and you pull his briefs down slowly before throwing them into the corner of the room. His cock springs free, red and dripping and as big as it felt in your hand, and you bring your needle back down on his skin while licking the head of his cock at the same time, earning a desperate moan from Eren.
Deciding there’s no point in wasting time, you lean forward and take Eren all the way inside your mouth.
Eren lets out a sound you can only describe as pathetic, past the point of desperation as you take him all the way in, opening your throat so that the head of his cock hits the back of it and your nose sinks into the sparse pubic hair at the base of it. He must be masochistic, you think to yourself, enjoying this, being pierced by a needle while having a mouth around his cock like this. But you might be too. So many things could go wrong, and yet all that does is send a thrill through you, spurring you to continue to deepthroat his cock.
Eren can only hold out so long-his hand finds its way to the top of your head, and soon enough he’s lifting his hips up and fucking himself into your throat. His tank top has ridden up, revealing impossibly hard abs covered by a delicious sheen of sweat. His hair has fallen out of his bun and is splayed around his face, and his breath comes out in heavy pants, little exclamations and moans and curses filling the air as you work your mouth around his aching cock.
He’s moving his hips so hard, and pushing his cock in so deep that gagging sounds escape you, but you don’t stop tattooing, lightly filling in red highlights along the sparrow as you gag around Eren’s hard cock. You’ve been in the game for several years, after all. You know how to deal with difficult customers.
You release Eren’s cock for a moment so you can spit on it, using your free hand to work your way up and down the shaft, teasing the head a bit before heading back down, never breaking eye contact.
“Please,” Eren is saying, his voice wavering, clearly close to the peak, his hips unconsciously lifting to get as close to your mouth as possible as you plant soft kisses on his cock head. “I’ll do anything-yeah, spit on it. Just like that-”
Eren’s pleas turn into desperate, unintelligible sounds as you take him back in again halfway, this time using your hand to stroke the base as your tongue makes circles around him.
“Please, let me come. Please, fuck-” Eren says, and you release him once more, working your hand vigorously now, leaning forward, and he lets out one last “Fuck-” before he’s coming all over your face, his cock twitching in your hand as you feel his come hit against your cheeks and chin and open mouth.
You watch as Eren lies there, spent, his arms covering his face as you finish coloring in the copper-red for the sparrow. You climb off of the table and go back to your rightful seat, smiling as he finally moves his arms away to look at you.
“Thank you,” he says sheepishly. “That was…”
“I know,” you say, smirking at him. “Now let’s get this tattoo done, yeah? And you let me know if you need any more...assistance.”
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Hey I took ur ouran quiz and the questions were awesome and I did indeed get dragged to filth, as has everyone in the tags, but I think we're all too embarrassed to post pictures of our results bc the callouts were so accurate kjshdfkjsdhf but im so curious abt the others,,, would you mind posting all the descriptions you did? I'm so curious. either way thanks for a banger of a quiz!
AH omg i’m so glad people are enjoying it!! and im sorry that people are getting called out lol but I did try to warn you. im mad that uquiz doesn’t have a “see all results” feature but here are all of the descriptions!!
you give off main character energy but also don't give a shit about being the main character. if you got this answer you probably also relate to tamaki or kyoya but ONLY one of them. you have mixed feelings about the other. you don't think you can experience love the way everyone else talks about it. you crave physical touch but your intimacy issues prevent you from seeking it out so you're stuck wishing anyone else would initiate it and anticipate your needs. people have said that they were drawn to you and a GOOD number of people have told you that they liked you. 9/10 times their crush was unrequited. you're still friends with all of them. hope ur doing well with that gender crisis you're going through!
wow. you're truly a dramatic bitch. maybe people find you a little grating but you're charming enough that they still hang around you for some reason??? ur a big romantic and your expectations will never match reality. every time you pass a mirror you get caught up in your own reflection, even if you don't consider yourself attractive. your self esteem swings WILDLY between "i'm a terrible person and no one really likes me" and "i'm perfect and everyone wants to be me". you definitely have SOME kind of parental complex and you projected way too hard on disney movies in your childhood. how is your hyperfixation with beauty and the beast treating you now? you genuinely want to be a good person but you find that your actions often have unintended consequences. being a wine mom (or your gender equivalent) is absolutely in your future. you're pretentious as fuck and your favorite book is probably pride and prejudice or the picture of dorian gray or some fruity shit. also you're in love with your best friend and im sorry
you have written PARAGRAPHS of analysis about whatever show or movie you're hyperfixated on and definitely talked about it with people who aren't familiar with the source material. you're just a little bit of an asshole (or at least you think you are) but you have a close group of friends nonetheless. you're a good liar and everyone hates playing among us with you. debate is your love language. you wonder constantly why anyone likes you at all. despite this, you're surprisingly loyal (even beyond your own expectations). you like being in charge of a situation even if people don't view you as the leader outright. you're never manipulative with malicious intent but you enjoy seeing the influence you have on others. usually this amounts to introducing them to a new show or hobby. people have told you that they've liked you and your first instinct was to say "thank you, but no you don't". you're just emotionally unavailable enough to be ~intriguing~ but consider swallowing your pride enough to tell the people in your life that you love them.
you know that feeling where you make a joke and maybe one or two people really laugh at it but everyone else doesn't know how to respond? of course you do. you have a very defined sense of humor and you feel like there are only a handful of people who really get you. in reality, part of this stems from the fact that you judge other people, make assumptions, and are slow to forgive. you've definitely given a friend the silent treatment for DAYS... and what was it for? are you happy living life this way? do you so love believing yourself to be misunderstood? i promise there are other people out there who like your obscure interests just as much as you do. pause your early 00s pop punk for a second and get over urself.
are you excited for the big recital coming up? you must be, since you've been playing second fiddle for so long. you're probably disappointed with this response. you wanted to be a main character. you feel like sometimes ur a background character in your own life. most of your friends are people you met through pre-existing friendships and you pretty exclusively hang out in groups. you're a good person and people enjoy your company, but there's maybe only one or two people who would call you their BEST friend. that's okay. you feel the same way. you rarely come up with plans or jokes, but you can "yes and" like there's no tomorrow. maybe your life is a little boring, but at least its comfortable. it's a shame, though. there are a lot of people who could help bring you out of your comfort zone, if you'd let yourself leave your bubble every now and again.
so. you have a complex. that's okay! most people do. you just HAVE to be the hottest person at the supermarket or the friend that EVERYONE loves. you have a lot of friends but only a few people who really, truly know you. you use humor or flirting or playing dumb to deflect from the fact that you have a SHIT ton of walls up around you and you're afraid to let anyone beyond the facade you put up. you aren't hurting anyone by doing this, but it does get a little lonely sometimes. you like the attention you get, even if it's pretty surface-level. you have a weird thing about crying in front of other people: either you do it too often or you absolutely REFUSE to. you just want to be held. and honestly? don't we all.
holy shit. you're SEXY. you know EXACTLY when to shut the fuck up and it's hot. it's a double-edged sword, though. when was the last time you let yourself be someone's shoulder to cry on? and when was the last time YOU cried on someone else's shoulder? hm. might want to work on that. you don't think too highly of yourself, but you recognize you're a kind person. bit of a doormat tho. perhaps you've even been called "subservient". it's a shame you're so emotionally closed off, because your friends would honestly love for you to open up more. if you did anything competitive in high school--choir, drama, band, sports, etc.--you were never a soloist or the star player. you played defense, didn't you? you were in the chorus, weren't you? i bet you were in percussion (not the quads tho). your biggest flaw is that you refuse to acknowledge how important you are to other people. there's a gardener and a flower in every relationship, and it's time you started being the flower.
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TURNS OUT I REMEMBER I WAS FOLLOWING THIS BLOG TOO KFJDJDJHF (im a long time anon ahahahahahah maybe i should reveal myself at some point now but i like my little fox emoji :(( i could still use it tho mmmh) ILL PRAY FOR U TO GET SEIJOHLOGY BACK !!! COME ON TUMBLR GIVE BACK JAE BESTIE HER BLOG 😠😠 but im doing good eheheheh had some kimchi (i couldn’t wait longer jfjdjsj turns out it was not fermented enough tho) and had school today so yeahh but it was super sunny outside so yayy! What about you? Hopefully you’re having a good day even if tumblr is being mean - 🦊
omg i didn't expect that ure a long time anon WHDJJWJS IM HAPPY THAT URE STILL STICKING THROUGH WITH ME 😿😿 IM HONORED BESTIE 😿😿 U SHOULD REVEAL URSELF IF THATS WHAT U WANT !!! I HONESTLY DONT MIND, AND YEAH I'D MISS UR EMOJI TOO 😞 AND YEAH TUMBLR COME AND GIVE ME SEIJOHLOGY BACK RIGHT NEOWW 😞😡 !!! please u dont know how much i hate tumblr rn fr bestie <//3 oh was school okay?? <3 hope it was and i'm glad ure enjoying ur sunny day hihi <3 i'm honestly still not doing well :'D but a lot better than yesterday, cant stay in a good mood unless i busied myself with something else 😖 fr tumblr is so mean :(( also im sorry for replying vv kate :'D
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my abuser abused me. after 10 years i broke my silence and told my childhood friend. i didnt want justice or anything bc i didnt want to destroy my family, i just wanted to confide in my closest friend. she immediately ran around town and told everyone. 2 years later, i found out random people knew about my trauma and were threatening my abuser as well as on the verge of involving my family. so i lied. and said i lied about the abuse. a lot of people in town hate me. ex-childhood friend hates me and victimizes herself; everyone takes her side. my abuser hates me and rather than be grateful that i took one for the team (since we both know what he did) he uses it against me. tells me he hates me because “you know what you did” on party chat in front of the handful of people who still speak to me.
i can never confide in anyone about this due to cultural reasons. i’m stuck living in a looped hell. people think im some mentally ill wacko who went off the deep end and tried to drag innocent people down with me. i dont do drugs. i dont drink. i dont have an escape. i dont have friends anymore. suicide is not an option. confiding in people is no longer an option. coping mechanisms dont work anymore. self-harm never worked and just made me feel stupid. moving out/running away is not an option. therapy didnt help, neither did meds.
i think the most painful thing is the blatant fact that i will never truly be happy.
i’m expected to get married and have children. i want to get married and have children. but how am i supposed to let my husband lay a finger on me without screaming and crying? how am i supposed to explain that the reason i breakdown everytime he compliments me is because nobody has ever paid attention to me before? how am i supposed to be a good wife and have a good job when im completely talentless and stupid because i spent my whole childhood in a locked room neglected? how am i supposed to a healthy partner when the very thought of him becoming slightly annoyed with me or ignoring me is enough to send me into a psychotic breakdown? how am i supposed to explain why im so mentally ill? why i have psychosis, ptsd, depression, anxiety, adhd, and borderline personality disorder. why im constantly dissociating. how am i supposed to explain why im so physically ill? my heart, my blood sugar, my ulcers, the migraines, the potential cysts, crohns disease, the fact that i can hardly eat without throwing up, the fact that my body has dealt with so much stress that its already giving up at 20 years old. i could keep going, but i wont.
its getting hard to feel anything anymore. i’m no longer in touch with reality. when i try to think about myself my appearance, my name and all the things that once defined me do not come up. im hardly human at this point. i wake up, eat, stare at the wall for 8 hours, eat again, maybe do some homework, and play xbox for a few hours before my abuser inevitably makes a comment and i get triggered and leave before i breakdown in front of everyone.
“just tell ur future husband!!” cant, its not that simple, im not from the west.
“find a supportive/understanding man!!” see above plus: no man is going to put up with a complete emotional trainwreck who can hardly function: thats a receipe for creating a cheater.
“find a friend group that your abuser doesnt hang out with!!” cant, everyone hates me, this friend group is the most successful one ive ever had, im scared of making new bonds, theyll all leave eventually.
“make online friends!!” i have very negative experiences with online friends, id rather not.
“seek professional help!!” already tried, didnt work, they would call the cops if they knew half the shit that happened to me, therapy is not the solution to everything.
“why did u say u lied in the first place...?” bc my abuser going to jail/being confronted by all of this wouldve destroyed my family. i couldnt let that happen.
“why did u expect ur abuser to be understanding and grateful..? they’re an abuser lol...” bc after the whole thing blew up and everyone hated me, we had a mutual agreement and understanding to make it water under the bridge in order to protect our family. guess i was wrong to think he cared about them.
“what do u want me to say then lol... ur not willing to help urself” i cant help myself. “my hands are tied” is the biggest understatement of the century.
this post is not to find my cure. i didnt make this post because i want people in my dms showing me that they’re concerned.
if ur concerned about me harming myself, dont be. you have my 100% guarantee that i will not self-harm or attempt suicide. i gave up on that years ago.
this post is to vent.
this post is for people who are in similar situations as me. people who cant find a way out. people who cant turn to escapes such as drugs. people who protect their abuser whether out of love or for the sake of others.
you’re not the only one. i understand. i know. its hard. you’re drowning. no one will grab your hand no matter how much you reach out. in the rare cases that someone does come you pull away. you’ve lost the best years of your life to trauma and mental illness. it feels like theres no point. nothing helps. nothing works. you’re practically a zombie. you often trigger yourself to cope. you just want the pain to end. you dont want to feel anymore. you want to feel something. you dont want to remember. you want to be loved. you want a sign that you belong here. you want to enjoy life. you want to die. you’re afraid of living but you’re afraid of death.
i’m so sorry you’re hurt. i hope you find peace and salvation in a safe manner. i hope you heal and enjoy life to the fullest.
dont really know how to end this. i hope we’ll all be okay. i hope everyone whos been traumatized can find peace on earth. i hope breathing can start to feel a little easier. sorry this is so long. take care of yourselves.
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Sorry I’m spamming, (Taurus, food, music Anon lol ), another thing I’ve realized I’ve been lacking is spending time w my friends and I think I’ve been a little less happy because of that reason (bc we are in quarantine obviously) therefore the only way I can get in contact with them is through FaceTime and I LOVEEEE FaceTiming my friends , like they make me feel much less alone if my grammar makes sense lmao like I feel comfy again right?? Also touching in with your passions , as I’ve mentioned before I FREAKING LOVE MUSIC HEHE and actually our recording equipment arrived here today!! I’m so happy lmao so today we were working on setting it up and getting ready to record music and I’m bringing this up so that it can be a reminder to make sure you don’t forget about your passions and make sure to set aside some time for what you enjoy doing, like maybe you’re an artists as well (bc u write really good fanfics so imagine u would be imaginative and likely good at art🤩🤩) but yeah one other thing basically would be j to do things u like when u have time for them and it usually helps for me to stay occupied so that I don’t have bad thoughts during this time :) I feel like also online shopping is fun like even if it’s just “window browsing” online if that makes sense like just looking through potential outfits is soooooooo much fun for me since we are isolated anyways and u only need urself to do that:) hopefully these suggestions help, ily girl❤️❤️ I know things will get better for u!
oh heyy im a taurus rising haha
you are so right. im already a pretty introverted and social anxious person so having to be locked up in my house and not being able to hang out with friends has really affected me and made it worse :/ but last week me and my group of friends face timed cause it was one of my friend's birthday and it was really fun and refreshing and now we wanna do it every week if possible :)
i did study photography in college and it's something i really like but haven't picked up my camera in so long :( maybe i'll give it a try and make a little photoshoot with myself, who knows maybe it will make me feel better about myself too. sometimes it's hard to keep up with things i wanna do cause i give up pretty easily and i'm one of those people that gets really excited to do something and then after two days of doing it i get bored and stuff haha gotta work on that
omggggg don't even mention online shopping cause that's the only thing ive been doing lately, i really need to control myself lol but ur absolutely right, i love to just browse through clothing websites and add stuff to my cart but then don't buy anything haha it's actually fun and keeps my mind off things, i recommend that too :))
i can't thank you enough for all the suggestions and help u've given me, thank u thank u thank u 💞💞💞💞
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