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#so italian alfred pennyworth thank you very much
batarangsoundsdumb · 3 years
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batman fancast 😍😍
alfred pennyworth - danny devito 😍
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bruce wayne - robert pattinson (my beloved)💞
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dick grayson - lil huddy 🥰🤩
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jason todd - james charles 💞
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tim drake - rico suave 😎
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damian wayne - mason ramsey (but only if he dies his hair brown like ian wayne :-)
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commissioner gordon - chris evans 🥵💗
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huilian · 4 years
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Pålegg
AO3
Characters: Dick Grayson, Alfred Pennyworth
Summary: Pålegg (Norwergian): Anything and everything you can put on a slice of bread. Or, Alfred baking, then drinking tea with toast, with the tiny addition to the Manor.
A/N: enjoy tiny! dick with fluff!!!!!!! (sorry for marmite eaters, by the way. Alfred liked it though! And, do dutch people really eat toast with sprinkles? we do that here but I don’t think Haly’s circus would come to my country.
When Master Bruce decided to bring a child to the Manor, Alfred was ashamed to say that his first thought was that the Manor is not a suitable environment for a child to grow up, with Master Bruce’s nighttime activities and the lack of warm hands and faces that should accompany children as they grew up. Alfred’s second thought, however, was that Gotham’s child services also lack warm hands and faces, especially for an orphaned, circus brat. His third thought, following logically from the first and second ones, was a determination to do better for this child. (That was probably not the most logical conclusion, but Alfred was sure that his distance and lack of warm embraces to Master Bruce when Master Bruce had been the one growing up played a part in his decision to pursue his nighttime activities. And he would be damned if Gotham’s child services can do better than he could.)
Therefore, here they were, with a child running around the Manor once again. Once Master Dick had begun to feel comfortable with the two of them, of course. At the beginning of his stay, before he found out about the Cave underneath them and Master Bruce’s nighttime activities, Master Dick had shut them out. There were no smiles, laughter, and excitement that Alfred had now associate with the young master. As loathe as Alfred was to admit it, Robin had been good for Master Dick. At least now he began to resemble a carefree child again, though Alfred suspected that some of it was a performance for his and Master Bruce’s eyes.
Nevertheless, Master Dick was as exuberant now as he must have been with his parents. The child is an acrobat, an athlete, used to hours and hours of training and physical exertion. Even Robin’s training regiment and patrols had not been able to tire him completely, so now Alfred had a child doing handstands on his kitchen countertop while he was trying to bake. More precisely, Alfred had a child trying to find as many poses he can balance while standing on his hands as possible. He normally would not tolerate that kind of behaviour in his kitchen, but the child had just opened up to them. Alfred would not be the cause that made him retreat back into his shell.
Moreover, Master Dick was a professional trapeze artist. Alfred was sure he had absolute control of his body.
A thump. It seemed he had spoken too soon.
Alfred turned from his kneading of the dough and saw that the bag of flour that he left (open) on top of the countertop had fallen to the floor. He also saw a child sitting on the floor, covered head-to-toe with flour. Alfred sighed. A professional trapeze artist he was, Master Dick was still a child.
“Master Dick! What did I say the condition of you being in my kitchen was?”
“Sorry, Alfie!” Master Dick smiled sheepishly. “I thinked I could hold it?”
“Thought, not thinked, Master Dick. And that is not what I asked. Remind me, Master Dick, what did I say the condition of you being in my kitchen was?”
“That I would not make mess of your kitchen?”
“Yes.” Alfred chose not to correct the boy’s grammar this time. Two in a row is too much to remember, even for a child as bright as him. “And what is that on the floor?”
“Flour?” Master Dick looked up to him. Lord, he looked even younger like that.
“A mess, Master Dick.” Alfred tapped Master Dick’s forehead to emphasize his point.
Master Dick grimaced. “Can I still stay in kitchen if I clean?”
Alfred was tempted to say no. After all, he would finish quicker if he did not have to watch over Master Dick at the same time. However, Master Dick looked so lost and disappointed that he did not have the heart to banish him from the kitchen. Alfred realized that Master Dick had lived in a trailer, a small trailer, his whole life. He had also been part of a circus. He most likely had never been alone for long periods of time, much less in the impeding silence of an old, big, almost empty house like the Manor. How cold and unyielding this house must be, compared to the small and lively trailer he must have lived in before.
“If you clean this up, and promise not to make any more messes,” Alfred finally said.
The grin that answered that proclamation was blinding. It was also infectious. Lethal, if Alfred may say, because he smiled back.
“The broom is inside the cupboard, Master Dick. The door just outside this room,” Alfred pointed out. Master Dick nodded, then ran out of the room.
Alfred returned to his kneading. A few moments later, Master Dick came back, bearing a broom that is taller than he was. Alfred stifled a laugh at the sight. A smile and a laugh, within minutes of each other? That child really was something else.
“Not a speck of flour left when you finish, please, Master Dick.”
“Yes, Alfie!”
They worked separately, but together, in silence for a few more minutes. When his dough was no longer sticky, Alfred sneaked a look towards Master Dick. He was carefully sweeping the floor, collecting the flour into a small area of the floor. Alfred did not want to disturb him, so he decided that the dough can use more kneading, after all.
“Alfie! I’m done!” That grin again. Alfred needed to start building immunity to that grin, because if not, he was going to smile every time Master Dick grinned and that would just not do for his reputation.
“Very good, Master Dick.” As soon as Master Dick announced that he was done, Alfred also stopped kneading and put the dough to the greased bowl he prepared earlier. “The dough needs to rest. Would you care to join me for some tea?”
Master Dick nodded vigorously.
“Would you also like something to eat?”
Master Dick nodded even more vigorously. Alfred pulled out the very last of the bread he had baked a week ago and toasted them. “What would you like with the toast, Master Dick?”
Master Dick looked up to him in confusion. “I… thought,” here he stopped, waiting for confirmation that he used the right word. Alfred nodded, encouraging him to go on. “I thought toast is…” He mimed lifting a glass.
“Ah. It’s a word with two meanings, Master Dick. It can mean that,” Alfred mimed lifting a glass of his own, “or it can mean bread that is cooked again, to brown it.”
“Oh! Le pain grillé!”
“Indeed. Now, what would you like with your toast, Master Dick?”
“What do you like?”
“I take mine with marmite and butter, Master Dick. But that’s not for everyone.” Not for most people , Alfred did not say. “Master Bruce likes his with peanut butter and jam. I’m afraid that’s all the spreads we have for now, Master Dick.”
“Spread?”
“Yes. We call things such as jam, peanut butter, and of course, marmite, spreads. I believe it’s because we spread them on toast.”
Master Dick nodded. Then, with the gravitas of kings deciding on matters of survival of his kingdom, he said, “I try marmite.”
“Try the marmite, Master Dick,” Alfred smiled. “Very well. While we wait for the toast to finish, would you mind telling me what you usually like with toast? I will make sure to purchase that on my next trip to the grocery store.”
Master Dick fell silent for a moment, then he began to tell the story of everything he remembered he had eaten with bread. The list was expansive, as he was well-traveled, and apparently willing to try everything at least once. That was not what Alfred asked, but he was content to let Master Dick tell the story while he prepared the tea and, after the toast was finished, spread the marmite and butter on the toast. Master Dick told the story in a mix-match of languages, jumping from English to French to Russian to Italian to Spanish to languages Alfred had never heard before and back again. Sometimes Alfred, even though the knew most of those languages, did not understand what he was saying, because he did not know which language the young master was using at the moment. He would ask for clarification then, and provide the English word if there is such, but mostly it was Master Dick who filled the air.
When the toast was finished, Alfred put the plate in front of Master Dick. Without even stopping in his story⏤he was in the middle of regaling Alfred with the story of eating toast with sprinkles in the Netherlands and even before the story was finished Alfred had resolved that he would not allow that abomination in the Manor⏤he lifted up the toast and took a big bite.
Master Dick rarely stopped in the middle of telling stories. That was what made him stopping dead in his tracks very amusing. Alfred knew very well what made him stopped, the taste of marmite can be overwhelming if you’ve never had it before. He was about to tell Master Dick just that, but then he saw Master Dick forcing himself to eat the rest of the toast. Alfred decided to let him.
As much as Master Dick tried to pretend that nothing is wrong, even he could not pretend to enjoy the marmite while he is regaling Alfred with his story. So they finished the toast in silence, a far cry from the chatter that had accompanied Alfred when he prepared the toast. Alfred did not mind though, because Master Dick’s face while he ate the toast was as entertaining as his story before.
Before he bit into his next toast, however, Alfred decided to spare him. “It’s a peculiar taste, that is true, Master Dick.”
“Peculiar?”
“Strange.”
Master Dick blinked, then said, “No! I like it!”
Alfred huffed out a breath. “Thank you for the attempt, Master Dick, but you do not have to pretend to like it. I shall know not to give you marmite in the future. As for now, more toast for me, I believe.” Alfred pointed to a container on the cupboard. “You shall have the cookies that I made yesterday in exchange for that toast, Master Dick. A fair trade, is it not?”
Master Dick calmed down a little, but he still asked, “You’re not mad?”
“Of course not, Master Dick. I told you before that marmite is not for everyone, didn’t I? Master Bruce did not like it either. It’s a matter of personal preference,” Alfred said.
Master Dick smiled, and then that smile turned into a grin as he ate the cookies. He resumed his story (Of sprinkles on toast! What a travesty!), and Alfred? Well, Alfred found himself smiling back, despite all the smiles this boy had managed to coax out of him in just a few hours.
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unavenged-robin · 5 years
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Day 6 - Rain
N/A: The setting is completely different but I had this lovely art made in @laquilasse in mind the whole time when writing this (and for some reason I remembered the umbrella to be blue, wtf.)
The rain feels nice on the face, if only for the feeling of cold cleanliness that every drop leaves behind itself, as it slips from his cheeks to his neck to dampen the starched collar of his white shirt. Pennyworth is not going to be happy about this particular suit getting ruined.
“It belonged to your father”, the old man had said, and Damian had wondered if the butler had really expected him to be thankful for those hand-me-down clothes.
He had preferred not to comment, and had put them on in silence, vaguely annoyed that they were a little too big for him, even though the butler had assured him that his father was almost the same age as Damian when he first wore them.
Only now, in front of his own father’s gravestone, Damian realizes that Bruce Wayne must have worn that suit to his parents' funeral.
“How fitting”, he says to himself, and the steady sound of the pouring rain drown his voice into a whisper.
Mother could never tell him much about Thomas and Martha Wayne. All of her intel had been gathered from common sources of information like newspapers and special events organized in their commemoration. She never cared much about them, or at least not enough to investigate them further than that.
Damian supposes he could ask Pennyworth about it. One thing all old men have in common is that they like to talk about the past, remembering the good old days. What Damian had wanted, of course, had been for Bruce to tell him everything about their legacy, but he supposes it was an idle wish anyway: Father hadn’t looked like the kind of men that liked that sort of stuff.
The smell of wet grass is almost overwhelming where he’s standing, to the point of almost being able to totally cover up the smell of mud and dirt so typical of a recently closed grave. Damian inhales it in slow, deep breaths that also help him in clearing his mind crowded with conflicting feelings.
He doesn’t mind being wet, not as much as the idea of being completely alone. Home is not with Talia anymore, and it’s never really been with Ra’s, and now Gotham is another place to leave behind, and Father just a wasted chance.
Damian should be more upset about it, he knows. But if he has to be honest with himself - and this looks like just the right time and place for such a thing - then he has to admit he hadn’t liked Father that much to begin with. He had been an impressive warrior, just like Mother had always said, but of everything else, Damian had found him lacking.
He kicks the dirt with the shiny point of his new, expensive pair of italian leather shoes, and he watches as a long, rosy earthworm twists underneath the clump that has just been overturned over its head, leaving it exposed to the rain and the danger of the world above. Earthworms have neither eyes nor ears, they do not breathe through lungs nor gills, and they can only live in the dark. They can, however, regenerate themselves when they get hurt. Damian supposes there are worse fates than that.
He keeps staring at the earthworm and wonders where he should go next, how long can he survives on the run before Grandfather catches him. Damian raises his hands in front of his eyes and stares at them carefully, trying to imagine what will happen to his soul once Ra's will take possession of his body. Was it weird for Grandfather to use hands that were not his own? Seeing through eyes that belonged to someone else? Speak with a voice of a stranger?
Damian tries to imagine his own body raising from the waters of the Lazarus pit, old, familiar scars erased to make his body a blank canvas on which to paint another life, one that Damian would not share. He shivers and promptly blames the freezy rain for it. It would be a honor to serve the Demon Head. It’s his duty, the reason he was born.
He’s so lost in his thoughts, it takes him a moment to register the new sound of the rain, the padded beat that replaces the constant drumming. There’s a blue shadow over his head, and Damian raises his glaze to find Grayson looking down at him and holding a blue umbrella over him. The color momentarily leaves Damian speechless: he was convinced that only black umbrellas were allowed at funerals.
“You’re soaked”, Grayson comments. “You’ll get pneumonia if you don’t get out of the rain.”
“I don't get sick”, Damian retorts contemptuously.
“Alfred will be thrilled to hear that”, Grayson answers. “He’s always complaining about our immunitary system and and how we insist in living our lives like we have a good one.”
“My immune system is flawless”, Damian answers after a beat. He doesn’t even know why they’re talking about it or why he should care about their opinion on it, but he wants to make things clear anyway.
Dick nods with the utmost seriousness, then he shrugs under the pouring rain.
“Well, my isn’t”, he replies, and only then does Damian notice that the man is holding the umbrella in front of him, so that it would cover Damian but not himself. It looks like a very stupid thing to do. “So how about we go back to the house? Alfred is making tea and I know for a fact that, hidden somewhere in the kitchen, there is a batch of cookies that has just come out of the oven. I could definitely eat something.”
Damian could eat too. He throws a quick look at the mansion behind them. It doesn’t look welcoming at all, but it will be warmer than out here. Maybe he'll be able to steal some of those cookies for the long, hard journey ahead of him.
He lets Grayson lead the way, and doesn't comment when the man keeps holding the umbrella over his head to protect him from the rain. If he's stupid enough to be proud of such a foolish gesture, it's not Damian’s business.
“We can’t stay here for long”, Dick says, while they make their way to the house. “I wanted to stay long enough for the funeral and to gather a few things. You’re welcome to take a look around if you want to take something with you. Bruce had a nice collection of dagger in his study, I think you’ll like it.”
At first Damian registers the words without really understanding them, then he blinks and stops in his tracks. The umbrella stops with him.
“We?”, he repeats, looking up at the man next to him.
“Yeah”, Grayson answers and he smiles sadly at Damian’s confused expression, completely misinterpreting it. “I know this is your home and you’d like to stay here but the cave is compromised, so we need to move everything. It’s not going to be permanent, I promise you that, but for the time being we’re going to stay in a new place. I already have a few options in mind.”
Damian doesn’t want to ask, but he needs to be sure.
“Am I coming with you?”
Dick looks as surprised as Damian feels, when he looks down at him.
“Well, yes”, he answers with half a smile. “I’m not leaving you here alone in the Manor, that’s for certain. Social services would have my arse if I tried. And it's been hard enough to convince Alfred to move, if it hadn't been for you I don’t think he would’ve agreed at all, he was ready to build a fort in the kitchen, I swear.”
Once again the stream of words coming from Grayson’s mouth leaves Damian disconcerted, and to avoid showing his surprise he looks away and starts walking towards his father’s house. Again, the umbrella follows him.
“Okay”, he feels compelled to say anyway, just to have the last word on the man and pretend like he had always known that he was going to stay here in Gotham, because of course he is: this is where his father had wanted him to be, where his mission has been interrupted, only for Damian to take it in his hands and make it his own.
And Grayson could prove to be of some use too, who knows.
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My Reaction to “Gotham“ S5E7
Yeah yeah, I know this one’s a little late but I was a bit caught up with other  schtuff :/
AN:  I managed to record my reactions to this episode and hopefully I can transcribe what I said into this post.
Here we goooooo!!
“You’re the brother I never had.”  *shakes head*
“I’m [Barbara] pregnant.”  Great job, Jim.
Wait, are we gonna see the tunnel again?
I’m just.... *groans in frustration*
What?
*gasps*  Wait-wait- that’s the stage!
What are those rockets?
*gasps when the rockets go off*
Oh my God, and they all have Z’s on their chests!  Like ZORRO!
What is this?  Is this laughing gas?  Knock out gas?
*gasps in horror when the men start foaming at the mouth*
What the frick!
Oh this downward shot [of Jim at the radio] is awesome.
Who is this General Wade?  Are we gonna meet him?  Is it gonna be another bad guy like Walker?
“Pennyworth vanished five days ago.”  It’s been five days since the last episode?!?
Bruce...
“But I know that Alfred Pennyworth can take care of himself.”  *sits back and puts hand to chest*
All right, so as of now, this episode’s gonna freaking break me.
“In other good-ish news, Harper radioed.”  *gasps*  Where’s Harper been?
“It’s weird.”  It’s Gotham.
*Jim and Co. investigate the bodies*  Yeah, OK, OK, that’s the Zorro slash!  Did Jeremiah do that?
“Check out the mustache.”  “Fake.”  Oh my gosh, because in the 1920 “Mark of Zorro,” there was like a squad of them that like fake dressed themselves as Zorro!
“Think it could be Zsasz?”  That is not Zsasz.
“But whoever it is, if they have more of these chemicals and the will to use them-”  “It’s bye-bye, reunification.”  “Gotta stop him before news reaches the mainland.”  Is Jeremiah gonna freaking stop reunification?
*Bruce goes out to find Alfred*  Of course freaking Bruce- Bruuuce...
Oh my God, is that Crime Alley?
*Bruce stops to find a newspaper clipping about the Wayne Murders*  Oh my God, that’s Crime Alley.
*jaw drops in horror when Bruce finds a wall covered in the newspaper clippings*
*gasps when Bruce sees his parents walk by*  Wha-
Wait, what is this?
*gasps*  The tunnel!
Wait, Crime Alley is out in the Dark Zone?
*eyes bug out when Bruce finds a single pearl on the ground*
He’s gonna walk right into Wayne Manor.  God... dang it!
“‘Sup, Doc?”  *so done*  God dammit, Barbara.
“Oh, you [Lee] wouldn’t kick Jim’s baby mama to the curb now would you?”  Shut up!
“What do you say?  Be my O.B.?”  “You can’t be serious.”  What?!?
“You tried to kill me, Barbara.  Twice.”  “That was years ago.”  That was like five months ago, Barbara.  Shut up!
Actually yeah, it’s been a few years.
*actually keels back in seat when Jim enters*  GOD DAMMIT JIM, NO!
I... hate...this... so much!  I hate this love triangle so much.  God dammit!
That pink really does look good on you, Barb.  Just saying.
“Not everything’s about Jim Gordon.”  Thank you!
“[Jim] Your involvement in this [Barbara’s baby] ended the moment you put your pants back on.”  Ohhhh my God!  Damn!
You got yourself into some real shit, Jim!
*jaw drops when Bruce finds the stairs up to Wayne Manor*
*gasps when Bruce finds his parents*  Oh my God!
This music is fabulous, by the way.
“Who are you?”  He [Bruce] doesn’t recognize the parents!  God.... dang it!
“Look at the state of you.  What have I told you about rolling around in the muck?”  Oh my God, he’s mind controlled!
“We’re your parents.”  Oh my God...
*Jeremiah is revealed*  OHHH [expletive] you!
“Welcome home, Bruce.”  Nooo!
*groans in frustation*  I have to sit through this!
Why are you sitting like that?!?
*laughs when Jeremiah slides away from an attacking Bruce*  He’s like “Nope, I’m getting out of here!”
*Jeremiah reveals a bomb*  What??
“Is it [the bomb] Italian meringue?”  “Sure.”  *cracks up*
“Now, now, Bruce.  You come any closer and I [Jeremiah] blow up Wayne Manor with all of us inside of it.”  What?!?  Noo!
“I have a dozen more of these uh, Italian meringues sprinkled all throughout the house.”  God dammit.
“Mommy and Daddy dearest were just an innocent couple I kidnapped based on bone structure and... build.”  *covers mouth in horror*  Oh my God!
“Well, I'm afraid there was no room for improv in our script.”  Wait, everyone’s- wait, what?
“It’s the night my parents were killed.”  *sighs softly*  Oh God...
“And I'm giving you the chance to experience it all over again.”  Why?!?
I’m actually gonna cry watching this episode.
“Bruce, this- this was the most important day of your life.  And I didn’t get to be a part of it.”  *sings*  Shut the [expletive] up!
“Alfred, it’s time for dinner.  Chop chop!  We’re on a very tight schedule.”  Shut up with your voice- oh my Godd...
Whoa... never seen this dock.  That’s so obviously a New York dock so...
*eyes widen when one of the mines go off in the river*
“[Oswald] You didn't have a plan to get off this rock before you stole everyone's crap?”  *giggles*
“Jeremiah was digging a tunnel under the river.”  “A tunnel?  Really?”  “Do you have any better ideas?”  They don’t know where the tunnel leads!
*gasps when a swimmer trying to escape blows up in the river*
God- oh my God...
Please don’t tell me we’re gonna spend like a third of this episode just dedicated to just bitching about who’s right for Jim and whatever.
“About this Barbara thing-“ “Jim, just don’t.”  Thank you, Lee!
So Lee’s still Queen of the Narrows?  I do like that development.
God damn we’re having romantic candles too what the frick!
*A smug Jeremiah sits down next to Bruce*  Oh my God...
“How homey and intimate.”  *shakes head*
Cameron Monaghan just has a fantastic Joker smile.
*gasps when Alfred serves Bruce’s favorite childhood meal.”
“Grilled cheese and Branston pickle sandwich, Mr. Jeremiah.  Master Bruce's favorite.  My influence, though Thomas did add a dash of aioli for extra flair.”  Alfred’s just kind of dying inside even though he’s hypnotized.
“Oh, c’mon, Bruce.  That’s a weird favorite food for a twelve year old.”  *can’t help but chuckle*
AN:  Also, back off, Jeremiah!  I, for one, happen to love grilled cheese!
“Speaking of which, the final touch.”  Oh my God, the neck- *sighs*
*Quick flash of the Wayne murders back in the pilot*  God, no, we’re not showing this.
“I [Jeremiah] lost my family too, Bruce.  The wound still hasn’t healed.  I think about it often.”  Oh my God, is that his normal voice kicking in?
AN:  Also, can we please address this line?  ‘Cause damn.
“I just want to be connected to you.  I OFFERED FOR YOU TO BE MY BEST FRIEND!”  This is actually just really painful.
“But I’ve realized... if we can’t be friends then we can be connected in other ways.”  What does that mean?!?
“You’ll see.  In time.”  That was his actual voice kicking in.
*cracks up when Jeremiah steals Bruce’s grilled cheese and ends up really liking it*
*gasps when Jeremiah activates the timer on the bombs*  Nooo my God! 
They’re really gonna blow up Wayne Manor!
*slams hat down on laptop in frustration*
*Jim and Lee enter Ace Chemicals*  There we go!
Purple and green rockets, of course.
They’re [the workers] all hypnotized!
“They’ve been hypnotized.”  It’s Jervis.
“That tea party so long ago...”  Please do not remind me of that freaking scene.
*Jervis sics the workers on Jim*  Oh, go Jim!
Oh, go Lee too!  Dang!  Gooo!
*gasps*  Ecco!
*gasps when Ecco knocks out Jim with a crowbar*
“What?”  “It’s just you’re [Barbara] pregnant.”  *laughs*
Of course there’s a smiley face on the bomb!
“Alfred, you'd do anything to protect me [Bruce], right?”  “Absolutely, sir.”  “There's a gas leak. In the kitchen. It's only a matter of time before this whole place goes up.”  “A gas leak?  Where are your parents?  Where's our guest?”  “I've already warned them.  I know a way out. Come on!”  Oooh, smart, Bruce!
*gasps when Wayne Manor blows up*
*covers mouth in absolute horror*  Oh my God!
Oh my God!
“And let me tell you, if ever I see that Jervis Tetch character again, I’ll stick that watch so far up his...his nose.”  Please do.  Please do that, Alfred.
*pretty much dies when Bruce hugs Alfred*
“..never, master Bruce.”  I’m- I’m about ready to cry!
Alfred, get out of there!
Does she [Ecco] have a cape on?
Wait, so Jim does recognize Ecco!
*Ecco takes out her walkie talkie to talk to Jeremiah*  That is... the biggest... walkie talkie... I’ve ever seen.
“Hey, Tetch?  Y’know, it’s funny...”  Where’s his [Jervis’s] facial hair?
She [Ecco] has a fantastic laugh
*Jervis hypnotizes Jim and Lee*  God... noo!
*gasps softly when Alfred emerges from the tunnel*  Shoot!
“And now he's [Jeremiah] embarked on some madcap scheme where he's reenacting the night Bruce's parents were killed.”  Even Oswald’s like “Oh my God...”
“Don't you [Oswald] think that because I [Selina] did not kill Jeremiah does not mean that I won't kill you!”  *gasps*
“Bruce needs you [Selina].”  Yes he does!
“I suppose I [Oswald] thank you [Alfred].”  “Or you could help me to the Green Zone.”  “Of course.  It’s that way.”  *laughs*  He’s like “Whoop!  I’m out!”
Is this what I think it is?  It’s Zorro?
*gasps*  AND I’VE SEEN THIS VERSION!
And it’s the music too!  Yes!
*gasps when Jeremiah swings in on a stunt rope*
“Ole!”  :O
*shrieks in hilarity when Jeremiah does pretty much the Wonder Woman spin*
I HATE HIS [Zorro] ACCENT SO MUCH!
THAT IS SUCH A FAKE SWORD!
*is quickly proven wrong when Jeremiah slashes the Z’s on the men from the beginning*
Oh my God!
“Isn't this the part where you [Bruce] became frightened?  When you asked your parents to leave?  I [Jeremiah] wonder what would have happened if you hadn't done that.  If you had conquered your fear.  Maybe your parents would still be alive.”  No...  god dang it.
*Jeremiah ends the clip by swishing the Zorro cape towards the screen*  Ohhhh I like that!  I like that a lot!
*gasps when Bruce runs into Crime Alley*
“[Jeremiah] You don’t have to do this.!”  “But I...I do.”  No!
Wait a minute...
“And you think killing two people that look like my parents will do that?  It won't.”  “Well, then it's a good thing I already put a bullet in both of their fraudulent skulls.”  What?
“Oh, [Bruce] you're confused.  You're wondering if I already shot them, then who's this lovely couple?”  *absolutely horrified*  IT’S JIM AND LEE!
*pretty much yells in horror when Jim and Lee are revealed*
“Why not kill the man [Jim] who you [Bruce] think of as your second father figure?”  *covers mouth*
“And when I do, finally, you and I will be bound together.”  No!
*gasps in delight when Ecco rolls up to the scene*
AN:  WE NEED MORE OF THESE TWO [Jeremiah and Ecco] WORKING TOGETHERRRRR!!
*gasps*  Oh my God, she’s [Selina] in the fire escape!
“One last thing.  I [Jeremiah] had Jervis Tetch hypnotize them [Jim and Lee] so that they'll wake up the moment these beautiful pearls hit the ground.”  *gasps and sits back in discomfort*
*Selina uses her whip to stop Jeremiah*  YEAHH!  LET’S GO!
Let’s go!
*gasps when Jeremiah and Ecco activate the timer on the chemical rockets*  Oh my God!
Why is it on a timer?!?
“You [Bruce and Selina] go after Jeremiah and Ecco.  I’ll [Jim] take the truck!”  Wha- how come- what?  What?!?
Oh he [Jeremiah] runnin’!  He’s running!
Where’s Ecco?!?  She better get his diddly dumb ass out of there!
*gasps when Jeremiah leads Bruce to Ace Chemicals*  OH MY GOD, LET’S GO!  LET’S GOOO!
Oh my God, he’s [Jim] gonna dump it [the truck] in the river!
You better get your butt out of there!
*gasps*  Oh my God, that’s the pier!
*gasps when Jim jumps out just in time*
*keels over in relief*  Oh my Goddd... ha ha ha ha....
*says something unintelligible excitedly when Jeremiah just prances toward Bruce with a knife*
Oh, this fight scene is awesome.
*Jeremiah’s knife falls into the vat*  Ohhh hoo hoo...
“Ohhh... yes...”  *sits back*  Oh God, don’t say that!
*says “You mean nothing to me” along with Bruce*
*gasps when Jeremiah head butts him in response*
Oh my gosh, that creepy way he [Jeremiah] just got up!
“I’M THE ANSWER TO YOUR LIFE’S QUESTION!”  *gasps*
*yells in shock when Jeremiah accidentally falls into the vat*
Oh, that CGI was bad.  Ohhh ho ho, that kinda took me out of it.
That quick?!?
*jaw drops in shock when the bubbles stop in the vat*
*jaw still dropped when Jim realizes the chemicals from the rockets are flowing into the river*  Oh my God!
:0
*softly*  Oh my God...
There went reunification!
Where’s Ecco?!?
Why are you [Ed] here?!?
“After all this time, you've come to me for help.  After allowing Strange to put a chip into my brain.  Attempting to sell me out to Gordon.”  He’s talking to Oswald, isn’t he?
*laughs at the way Oswald turns towards Ed*
“First of all, I am very fond of that dog.”  *scoffs*  What’s next?  You guys gonna argue over custody?
“We have been through all of this before.”  Yes.
His [Ed’s] finger’s not even on the trigger!
“Haven’t you realized what Gotham is yet?”  A hellhole.
“And i think it’s time we escaped.”  Wait, ‘we’?
You two [Ed and Oswald] are gonna run off into the sunset together?  What?
Oh my- you two [Jim and Lee] better talk this out!  I swear to God.
“Word of the chemical spill reached the mainland.  No action until the government can determine if Gotham is safe.  I figure at least a couple of months.”  Wait, are we getting another time jump after this episode?
“What were you [Jim] about to say to me [Lee] when Tetch had us?”  It better not be ‘I love you.’
“I don’t know.  I guess I uh... would have said...”  ‘I’m sorry’?
“I wish I could go back.  Do things differently.  Better.”  *sits back and groans*
“Put yourself in my shoes.  After everything you said, suddenly you’re having a baby with Barbara of all people.”  Yeah!  I’m with Lee on this one!
“You talk about doing things differently and I keep thinking, what if we hadn't lost ours?”  *lets out a shocked and sad yell*
“What are you doing here, Lee?”  Wait, are y-no- you do not just freaking shoo her away!
*full on slaps laptop with hat*
I’m very upset with Jim right now.
“You let me down, Jim.”  Yes you did!  Finally, someone says it!  I am Team Lee from this moment on for this show!
*gasps when Lee slaps Jim*  Ooohhhh!!
Jim, you better not.
*sits back in seat when Jim and Lee make up*
*jaw drops when we see Jeremiah in a hospital bed*
Wwwhat?!?!?
“I can’t believe he’s still alive.”  “They’ve been doing scans, and he has no brain activity.”  Yeah, sure Jan.  Sure Jan.
Oh my God, they’re gonna Palpatine his ass?
Could you two [Bruce and Selina] just like hug?  Please?  For once in your life?
“Ohh my God.  You’re [Barbara] pregnant.”  *laughs*
“How could you [Ed] possibly know that?!?”  “Look at you.  She’s glowing.”  *absolutely loses it laughing*
*gasps*  THEY’RE GONNA MAKE A SUBMARINE!
“So where’s the submarine?”  They have to build it?
“We have to build it.”  “Yeah, I’m gonna shoot you.”  *laughs*
“What’s happening to me?”  You’re pregnant!
“Perhaps-“  “Shut up!”  *keels over laughing*
“So who’s the lucky father?”  “Shut up!”  *laughs*  I love Oswald!
*imitates Oswald’s pose*
*End title pops up*  Wait, they ended on that?!?  Are you serious?!?
*sighs then claps hands*  Cameron Monaghan, I’m gonna miss you, bud.  I’m gonna miss you so much.
All right, I do have a couple complaints:
The CGI when he fell in- that was poor.  That just kind of took me out of the moment.
Also, biggest question:  where’s Ecco?  Like, where did she go?  They just gonna leave her again?
And then, I think this episode is one definite reason why it kinda sucks that we have half a season because we don’t get all this important stuff happening like character development.  I have a feeling that things are gonna be kind of rushed.  While I admit that the pacing in this episode was not bad, the ending was a little weird.
Still, this was a good episode.
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batarangsoundsdumb · 3 years
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yet another ask dump yeehaw!
do you ever think that jay's mother was one of those bitch who believes in horoscope and tarots and things like that and so he believes in these things too, or it is just me projecting?
sheila haywood took one look at jason's birthchart said 'nah this won't do' and left.
Wait, but what happens when the justice league does find out that Bruce and John fucked? Lmao it sounds like it would be hilarious, really, I don’t want a justice league that doesn’t make fun of Bruce for like his entire life.
barry runs out of the meeting immediately and comes back with an entire sti testing kit. diana fully seriously wants bruce to get tested while bruce is sitting there like 'come on guys, you're being ridiculous, i already checked twice'
john is standing in the corner clearly offended while bruce is just like 'don't even say anything, constantine, you fucked a shark'
tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.
on the one hand, good for him, on the other hand, bro, how do you still have a secret identity when your superhero name is just your last name,,,,
Your fic on ao3 was GOLD PLEASE CONTINUE I loved Dinah's cameo btw ( @purple-vixen
thanks so much! i already continued but this ask is like 10 years old because i'm a notorious procrastinator (also yes! i love dinah so much aahhhhhhhhhhhh)
I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.
bruce internally: holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit bruce externally: get out of my city, alien
AHHH ur multimedia fic is the only thing that brings me happiness anymore continue it forever pls
uhh thanks, but can't continue it forever because my attention span is that of a toddler on crack on a good day and i can't function without at least 10 things going on at the same time and music in the background
Oi, so I'm getting into dc and watching batman the animated series, and they use fruitcake a lot. Which I thought was very funny and wanted to share w you - Denilla
wait like fruitcake (food) or fruitcake (derogatory) ?
young justice 🤝 teen titans slut shaming batman
tim drake and dick grayson to their respective teams 'you guys stop it, that's my dad'
Happyhoganon: If an eighty year old Batman had fought crime in Gotham City for decades and the only threats to him and the city lately are a wheel chair bounded Penguin, your usual purse snatchers and a few con artists popping up every now and then, how well could the Dark Knight do in maintaining the peace in Gotham despite him being just somewhat fit to do that as an elderly man (which says A LOT given how old he is)
uhh he'll probably do what my grandpa does and that is ruthlessly prank them until they die of shame.
in the death in the family interactive movie there's an ending where Jason is tasked with raising Damian and he decides he's gonna raise Damian to take down the waynes and al ghuls which uh maybe isn't great BUT the idea of Jason raising Damian... PRICELESS. CHAOTIC. I just need more people to know about this :)
yes i saw that wow holy shit but jason would accidentally drop damian on his head one (1) hour in and jason just yeets him into the lazarus pit.
Headcanon: The Penguin has a really hard time fighting any of the Robins because of his avian obsession means there's always a small part of his mind that's like "Birb. Child. Protect" ( @subspacecadet )
as soon as dick becomes nightwing the penguin is like 'you know what, fuck this dude' and shoots at him.
Y'all talking about King Shark dating Constantine, let's not forget about John literally hooking up with Satan
listen there's a clear difference between monsterfucker and satanfucker in that king shark is literally a shark and satan still looks like a normal dude
Does everyone in Gotham think Batman is a teen dad?
everyone in gotham thinks batman has been around since gotham was founded, but they do think that bruce wayne is actually a teen father and dick grayson's biological dad.
why. why would you do that fancast when you know it will only hurt people
what? i loved my fancast it was really well done. i did it with good representation in mind and i really managed that with alfred pennyworth being ✨italian✨
Seeing james charles a jason gave me psychic damage how dare you i need to wash my eyes
well that's a you problem isn't it?
do you think dick grayson thirst tweets about nightwing just to annoy his family/cause problems on purpose in general?
he thinks nightwing is hot, next question.
holy jiminy cricket batman, its as cold as the good lords ass crack in here!!
i- what? this is why i don't fuck with english expressions it's way too goddamn weird
Brooooooo, your teen dad!Bruce au is soooo good. I've got brainrot.
Honestly if you ever write anymore, I'd read that shit twice. Sign me the fuck up. Good stuff, Good Stuff.
uh yeah i'm thinking about writing a fic, but i have exams coming up and i don't wanna fail because that would suck. but after i'll certainly be writing more tho
your teen dad AU is so great! bruce acting like a big brother for all of like a week before he's telling everyone about his son. what if in the AU dick meets the JL because they need to rescue him? maybe he's in trouble/kidnapped at a gala and bruce starts calling for JL. clark finds him and has to fly with dick to bring him home - that's how dick and clark meet and superman becomes dick's fave hero. he goes around the manor thinking he can fly with a red blanket draped around him like a cape.
actually- if you want a young dad! bruce fic with like that kinda stuff(just with damian) go check uhh- in for a penny by cdelphiki. it's really good and bruce is like 24/25-ish. (and dick's there!!!)
This account has solely convinced me that Tim is a trash goblin ( @hamilcat-and-magic-turtle )
because he is. that boy has slept in dumpsters on multiple occasions even if he is the son of a billionaire.
Okay but when you said victory dance I did think of the whole justice league defeating the big bad and then they all start flossing
well that's exactly what hal jordan does and that's why batman uses a gun now. no but the victory dance in my opinion is like the 'we're all in this together' dance from high school musical.
The horrors in Invincible s1 was nothing compared to the comics, I cant wait for s2
oh well okay, i mean i personally react to horror and violence by laughing awkwardly so i can't wait to be called a monster for accidentally laughing at a mass murder.
I'm currently watching Batman: The Brave and The Bold and- Bruce is just talking about Oliver like he's an old love (@nightwings-kid)
okay im going to watch that lmao that's totally and completely in character for him tho.
The invincible comic is like super gratuitous with its violence so much so I'm shocked the show was able to adapt it in a faithful way! Anyway had the show been live action it absolutely wouldn't have the same impact as it does as an animated show and I'm so glad so many people agree with me on that
also because a live action casting would've been like uhh amanda stenberg for amber, the dude- the guy from the supernatural but with a mustache for omni-man, and scarlet johanssen for debbie grayson
Debbie grayson is a milf, yes. You're welcome for the invincible propoganda, now you can questions your life. Bruce def seems like the perfect father next to Omni-man. Like they really took a rip off justice league and I was like well, now I'm attached even tho I was like hah I know who they're supposed to be. And then bam- death gore death gore gore gore sad Mark grayson just had to have daddy issues. Why does every character have daddy issues. I'm sick of the attacks
because daddy issues make a person arguably funnier, that's why i'm not even remotely funny (haha good dad flex). i liked that it was dark contextually, but not in the colouring, bc i hate when it's like 'uh yeah graphic murder and now a shot so dark you have to sit in a dark room and squint at the screen to faintly see the characters. (like dcau ugh)
About the Wayne insurance, for a moment I thought you would put the video with moans over the waves.
i mean- i could've done that, but rick rolling seemed more family friendly.
Its the first time in forever that im surpise rickrolled, i usually expect it. Congratulations (i really should know better this is tumblr)
i get rickrolled so often but i actually like the song so i dont really give a fuck
Actually, my information about Damian and John's kids is outdated because it was revealed that the old men telling the kids stories about the Supersons were actually Jon and Damian the whole time. I was blinded by my thirst for Grandpa!Bruce Wayne but I was wrong... I liked my version better, tbh (@artemisa97)
fair enough. but i'd honestly like to see damian and jon getting together, just because it's a really fun dynamic and their friendship was really cute when they were kids. (also idk maybe it would be nice to have one (1) main batfam/superfam character that's not cishet)
How am i JUST finding your blog skdskfkd you're so fucking funny and ur takes are hot
i thought u were calling me hot :( but youre not :( crime detected (but lmao thanks)
So I have depression and I swear that your memes are one of the few things that have made me laugh so thank you 💛🥺 (@katekanebadass)
aw you're welcome, and i hope you're doing okay!
The metropolis memes are so funny, I love them 💀😌
i think metropolis is also so fucking funny it deserves more attention imagine having your entire police force being upstaged by an alien from kansas and his kids
as an american i feel your complete lack of knowledge of us geography is just so sexy (platonic) ❤️
thanks so much (i also don't know any other geography, i'm not kidding, like you can tell me you're from hungary and it will just blank, there will be nothing that comes to mind)
In the DC universe they don't say "Can't have shit in Detroit" they say "Can't have shit in Gotham"
this just reminds me of that guy whose porch got stolen like the steps to his door, and i'm thinking of people living in gotham and waking up without a front door and going "can't have shit in gotham"
honestly all i know about chicago is the bean, so. what would gotham's famous sculpture be?
gigantic gargoyle statue in front of one of the police precincts because a villain thought it was a smart way to keep the police inside, but it's too heavy to move.
why tf do people go on about how batman "works alone" or how he's the "lone wolf" when he like 38290202 members in his family
bc people think it's cool that a grown man in his 30s has no friends or family instead of calling it what it is (sad)
Bruce is gotham's sugar daddy
why would say something so controversial yet so brave.
my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context
dick: gerard way are you in position, gerard way are you in position
tim: for the last fucking time, my codename is 'totally not count olaf' this week, abbafan 3000
dick: shut up my codename isn't 'abbafan 3000'
dick: it's 'abbafan number 1' and you know it
I have a feeling Tim drake is ur favourite batfamily member but okay u don't have favs if u say so ok
i mean he is, i won't deny it. but i love each and every one of the batfam just the same, i just have a weak spot for short dumbass nerds, because i'm a short dumbass nerd.
Omg i fuckin love boy meets world too fam shsjkfk
bro boy meets world was the shit!!! it was just fire and awesome and so fucking great like bro. it was so good im not even going to be accepting criticism
you know I find the whole "joker completes batman" thing a bit disgusting considering the horrendous stuff the batfamily went through because of the joker and let's not get started on the "joker has a point" thing like yeah he's this cool complex villain but he's absolutely batshit crazy
like yes! i get what you mean the joker just fucking sucks man he doesn't do shit for batman's character or the batfam he's literally just annoying as fuck. like the joker has a point' shit is so stupid. i will accept 'magneto was right' because he fucking was and i think he didn't do anything wrong, but joker? he's just like that. he's not even cool and complex he's just a weirdo with a bleach kink at this point.
ALSO YOUR RACISM POST- SO TRUE BESTIE
thanks bestie, i'm glad you agree.
in today's essay of why I think cass should become batman- I was thinking Tim would probably be the most efficient batman in many ways but I also think he wouldn't want to be batman tbh none of the batfamily members would want to be batman because they're trying to outgrow him but cass is the one who wants to represent the symbol that is batman
absofuckinglutely i will say it again and again that cass represents the batsymbol more than anyone in the batfam, in batgirl (2000) she literally didn't care about anything else than bruce's oath to not kill, she thought the batsymbol was more important than anything in gotham. she's just an excellent character because her motivation to not kill is not 'i'm scared i can't come back from it' or 'well my dad says no murder so i'll go along with it' but that she's killed somebody as a young child and she never wants to kill a human ever again and that's so fucking beautiful for a new batman like yes.
need more cass, duke and tim inclusion in gothamite memes
yes yes, a tall order of cass, duke and tim coming up in 1-14 business days
oldest to youngest batfam members cus I'm confused as shit
okay order of being taken in: dick, jason, tim, cass, damian, duke order of age: alfred, bruce, dick, cass, jason, tim, duke, damian (though cass and jason are around the same age general consensus is that cass is a little older)
I'm so confused Steph is a redhead?? like how was it that hard to get this right? the source material is literally right there and free
cw is jared, 19
do you receive anon hate? if so, how do you deal with it
uh no, i'm not remotely popular enough to get anon hate and i also don't say a lot of things that would attract anon hate, but i do send anon hate to @the-real-peter-parker because he forgot about the specialists from winx club
Wait how many languages do you speak??
uhh- 5 if you include latin, but that's a dead language and i'm really bad at it. but english, my native language, german, and french also, tho german and french not fluently.
You can mix aguaepanela with aguardiente 😈 and is tasty
okay but now i'm curious if the liquor deserves the 😈 emoji or if that's a you problem. but i googled it and it looks like something you'd take one sip of and then not remember the rest of your evening.
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