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#so i thought i'd share
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"Look, Steve, I don't have any bad feelings towards you," Eddie says, has been saying, talking nonsense, like he and Steve weren't anything more than fuckbuddies, like he isn't breaking Steve's heart. "I used you too, y'know?"
It's then Steve rears back like he been slapped. Or punched. It feels more like a gutting. Joke's on him, he supposes. Once again, he wants more than the other person. He wanted a boyfriend, Eddie'd wanted sex. Why does he keep trying? When Steve finds his voice to speak, it comes out flat and dead and not really like a question at all. "Used me. Like you think I've used you?"
Eddie shrugs, looking for all the world like he's not bothered by that statement. "We had fun, right? So it's all fine in the end."
"Fine," Steve repeats, hollow. They're in his house but Steve feels the need to leave, to run before the reality of how unlovable he truly is sticks inside him forever.
"But I think we should stop while we're ahead," Eddie continues and Steve wonders if Eddie is listening to him at all, or just saying his piece before he goes. Can he not hear Steve's heart breaking? "I want to... I want to find someone to love."
If Eddie's previous words felt like being gutted, these ones feel like cement. Heavy and solidifying. Trapping in the truth of Ever Unlovable Steve. He doesn't even feel heartbroken anymore. Just numb. Dead inside. He should say something encouraging. Let Eddie know that all he's wanted was for Eddie to be happy and loved. But words seem impossible, so he gives one jerky nod of his head. An understanding.
"Right," Eddie says, returning the nod before turning away, towards the door, "I'll just go now. Umm, see ya later, Harrington."
Facing the horrors of the Upside Down should feel like the scariest thing he's ever done but it doesn't. Watching Eddie walk away does. Steve should be able to hold it together long enough for Eddie to leave. He's the tough one. He can hold himself together no problem-
"Why can't you love me?"
Eddie whips back around, an expression on his face like confusion and anger mixed.
It's only then that Steve realizes he spoke. He hasn't meant to. He was going to let Eddie walk away but now his voice has been freed from the cement. His heart has shut down his brain it seems because he just keeps talking, voice flat and hollow, "why can't you love me the way I love you? What is so broken and wrong within me that no one loves me back? My parents, Nancy, now you. Why can't- I thought that we were- where did I go wrong?"
"What?" Eddie asks, and the anger is gone from his face but now he just looks horrified. Which is understandable. It's horrifying to be loved by Steve Harrington. "What did you think we were?"
Boyfriends. Together. Going steady. At the very least, dating without labels. But none of those very reasonable, normal answers come out of Steve's treacherous mouth. Because Steve can't seem to be a reasonable, normal person. He's got to be too much, too soon, too clingy. So, instead, he says, "In love."
Eddie looks like he's just received the worst news of his life. In fact, he looks a little sick. "Oh fuck. Jesus Christ. I can't- I thought- Fuck!"
Steve just nods along. He hadn't actually said I love you to Nancy that night at Tina's Halloween party, but he imagines if he had, the beginning of the bullshit conversation would have sounded much the same as Eddie does now; like anger and regret, the starts and stops. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have- if you want to go, you should go."
Eddie crosses the room back to Steve in half the steps he took when he first walked away, hands reaching to grab Steve's face between them. He speaks quickly and sounds panicked now. "No, no no no. I fucked up, misunderstood. I don't know how I got it so wrong. I don't want to go. I never did."
"What?"
"I am in love with you, sweetheart. I just- I didn't know you loved me back. I thought you didn't- that we weren't..."
"I thought we were boyfriends."
"Jesus, please let me fix this. Let me stay and make it up to you. I'll be the best fucking boyfriend you've ever had."
Steve thinks if he had any shred of self-worth he might step back, make Eddie explain himself, but as it is, he steps into Eddie's space and kisses him, hands pulling him as close as he can get. He doesn't want to think about the cruel things Eddie's said, about using each other. Maybe one day they'll have to hash that out, have that conversation, but Eddie says he loves him too, and that's all Steve's wanted.
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revenantghost · 6 months
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Trigun Stampede x Amnibus Collab [x]
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girl-named-matty · 6 months
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Sebastian Sallow is the kind of guy to just constantly run his hand through his hair when he's stressed.
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theiravshade · 9 months
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👀
Stargate SG-1 | Mobius Part 1
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hillbillyoracle · 4 months
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Holiday Gift Tip
Not sure if this will be helpful to anyone else.
For people trying to buy gifts for cheap or make things for people you care about but either you're still getting to know them or they're not the main people you're getting gifts for - consider the casual gift triad: something to eat, something to read, something to wear. All of these have decent homemade or thrifted options to keep prices low.
For your main folks, consider an expanded version: something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read. My partner and I do this plus a stocking with food items and any smaller gifts we want to give. This has helped us give higher quality gifts on the years when our budget allowed it and not get each other clutter on the years we're more limited.
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megan0013 · 4 months
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so i'm in the car this morning listening to the radio and the host is talking about the company holiday party from the night before, and she mentions john from hr sitting in the corner taking notes and how she can't wait to see who gets pulled into his office today because they're in tr-oub-le
and just
imagine a GABRIEL employee walking into work the morning (or monday) after the company holiday party and there's this whole line of people sitting in little plastic chairs outside the head of hr's office, waiting to be reprimanded for something they did at the party. and there, smack dab in the middle of the line, is the gabriel agreste himself with his personal assistant sitting right beside him just glaring at people as they pass by
they go into the office together and -
wait, the employee thinks, weren't they snuggled up awfully close in one of the back booths at one point during the party?
- come out smirking at each other
the rumor mill is in overdrive all day. especially once word gets out nathalie sancoeur, the most professional and stoic person anyone in the company has ever met, has turned in her resignation. six weeks later, an interoffice email is sent congratulating them on their engagement
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lesbianlovelanguage · 2 years
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I’m not sure how many people will see this but it’s not a spoiler, just something I wish I knew going into the season:
IF YOU HAVE ARACHNOPHOBIA PLEASE BE CAREFUL WATCHING STRANGER THINGS SEASON 4. IT CONTAINS SCENES OF SPIDERS, SPIDER EGGS, AND HORDES OF SPIDERS BURSTING OUT OF VARIOUS THINGS
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ceo-of-sloppy-men · 7 months
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For my dear Halsin lovers, I give you the Harkness Test
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alkaysani · 1 year
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favourite sassy eddie diaz moment feat. exasperatedly fond bathena
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haredjarris · 11 days
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Jared Harris at the Newport Beach Film Festival Opening Night at Fashion Island on October 12, 2023 in Newport Beach, California. (Photo by Gilbert Flores/Variety via Getty Images).
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appa-is-baby · 2 years
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Dear zukka nation please take this shitty zukka I drew last night right before bed while I was half awake
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(They're supposed to be touching foreheads)
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electric-rabbits · 4 months
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So, I was going through some forgotten folders on my drive and I found a copy of Israel/Palestine and the Queer International. It's a book from 2012, written by a queer Jewish author, and it talks about the Palestinian struggle and oppression under Israel, and also about Israel's pinkwashing as a marketing strategy created in the early 2010's to sell is as a progressive state instead of what it is- a colonial settlement.
Every time I open Twitter, I see a new photo or video of an IDF soldier holding a rainbow flag and it sickens me to my core, so this seems like a good time to read this.
I'll just leave this bit here as a reminder of how important it is to listen to the Jewish voices that are- and have been, for a very long time- condemning Israel
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ninjadeathblade · 8 months
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Me and my friend died a little and made these
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spatteringstars · 2 years
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Not sure if this will make anyone feel better, but in light of Techno’s name reveal (and im not sure which country of origin his parents intended) in Russian, Alexander (and any other variation of alex) means ”protector of mankind/ defender of the world“.
The king was always destined to do great things. I like to think he honored his name. He did so much for cancer research after his diagnosis. He truly tried to protect the world from his own fate. There is hardly a more fitting name for such a kind and giving person.
Fly High Technoblade
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revenantghost · 1 year
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What I find so unsettling about Signalis is that it plays on every person’s biggest fear, being alone. Whether we want to admit it or not, we all want connection. Relationships with other people allow us to understand ourselves, it gives us a place to talk and be heard to declare to another person “this is who I am!” We just want some understanding in this world.
The replikas in Signalis are a dime a dozen, there are countless numbers of every unit. In some ways, this makes them more united, but just like in real life the crowd obfuscates and can make one feel even more alone. How do you navigate the desire to have a connection and be an individual when being an individual inherently requires you to be somewhat separated from those around you? Many of these themes are also at the heart of Shinji Ikari’s story in Neon Genesis Evangelion, a work that heavily inspired the developers of Signalis.
Elster’s unit specifically is said to be better off alone, and advice to human officers is to not try and create bonds with them. Yet Elster and Ariane have the closest bond in Signalis, having both surmounted their fears of not fitting in with the rest of the world around them. They rely on one another, being alone together. They are each other’s missing half.
It makes sense that Elster’s motivation is to find her lover. Why else would you put yourself through hell and hordes of undead? When you find that connection, there is nothing you wouldn’t do to keep it.
I get it. We all just want to be loved.
Signalis has many endings, each one no truer than the other. My ending saw Elster reunite with Arianne, at great cost. In the end the two embrace again in the confines of the ship they shared as a home. Both changed, but both still completing each other, they dance to Schubert’s “Ständchen” as warmly as before.
“Make me immortal with a kiss,” wrote Christopher Marlowe, and in the last moment of Signalis, Elster and Ariane become immortal with a final kiss.
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swinginmandarin · 1 year
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Here's some more project sekai connections! These ones are overlaps instead of similar topics
Kanade and Honami
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Miku and Kohane
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Haruka and Minori
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Saki and Tsukasa
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An and Haruka
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