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#so i might have to do another version about all my other favorite spn characters
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READ THIS TO THE TUNE OF HALLELUJAH
Destiel - Hallelujah
[Verse 1]
I heard there were two Winchesters
Who hunted monsters, fought a war
When one of them got killed and went to hell (yeah)
It went like this: The angel Cas
Who gripped Dean tight and saved his ass
From perdition started questioning his god
[Verse 2]
He meant truly well but went too far
Became a god and started war
Dick dragged Cas and Dean to purgatory
There their love became so clear
But only Beandenny got back here
Cas was kidnapped and brainwashed by heaven
[Verse 3]
Brainwashed to kill his best friend Dean
But snapped out of it to save him
When his blue eyes met Dean’s green eyes he had to
He fell from heaven and lost his grace,
Kept fighting for some better days
He cared about all humans ’cause he loved one
[Verse 4]
Even demon Dean could never hurt his Cas
They’d die to save each other’s ass
But still think this is just a normal friendship
Hugs so tight and face-cradling-hands
It’s actually a great romance
Of a faithless man and his angel in a trenchcoat
[Verse 5]
No personal space but an adopted son
Dumbasses can’t see what’s going on
Think they can’t have the one thing that they want
Cas‘ love confession leaves Dean a mess
He gets him back and reciprocates:
You dumbass always had me... I love you Cas!
Hope you like this version!
(Feel free to add the hallelujah parts in between the verses)
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oviids · 3 years
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pls share some of your spn fic recs 🥺🥺
ok, a few things first:
followers and mutuals who do not have supernatural brainworms, kindly avert your eyes
i don’t normally rec or even read much fanfic any more but this is a CRISIS ok (cont.)
there is so. much. content for deancas out there and i have incredibly high standards, several ancient ao3 bookmarks, can speedread, and want to spare you guys the experience of wading through it all.
i also have a section for spn femslash since I was pretty into that back in the day (sadly a lot less fan content for this :/)
I don’t really like au’s or pure smut (I honestly usually just skim or skip those scenes) so if you’re mainly looking for that kind of thing this probably won’t be very helpful to you. jsyk.
i’m not great at describing stuff but i’ll do my best, i’ll also try and add tw’s when neccesary.
i wil try and keep updating this with any other decent fics i find, feel free to rec stuff too since i’m like 7 years behind.(edit 1/25/21) this is getting looooong so i’m going to start making another list on my spn blog rather than update this one
(edit 1/3/21) since this has gotten pretty long i’ve added rating/approximate word counts and marked my particular favorites with an asterisk.
Dean/Cas fic:
So Says The Sword*** - explicit/85k. FUCK its good...au/time travel where dean is not pulled out of hell by cas and says yes to becoming the michael sword. honestly could serve as an alternative to actually watching the show, if you want to get into dean/cas without actually doing that to yourself.
Fata morgana.*  - teen/6k, pst s9 finale. very bela centric and i love it, she finds cas looking for dean in hell.
Redemption Road -misc/600+k. an incredibly long fic from a collaborative writing group back in the day. canon divergent from the end of s6 on, has a cool take on godstiel and the leviathans, as well as the lovecratian mythos connection. ngl when i reread it i only made it about 28% in but imo the casual reader can actually stop around there, the rest concerns a lovecraftian apocalypse that is still good (i think i don’t remember it very well) but not required to enjoy the first half. if you prefer i have an ebook version i can send you on gdrive.
Someone Who's Feeling For Me* - mature/45k, s12. they run into lisa braeden and dean thinks cas is into her while cas thinks dean still likes her. treats lisa way better than the show ever did and the miscommunication is pretty funny rather than annoying.
a turn of the earth - mature/95k. time travel fic where cas from s10 keeps showing up in deans life from a few years before s1 to right before the hellhounds take his soul.  slow burn, good character study, and at one point cas punches the dad in the face and it rules.
On the Wings of War - teen/85k, canon divergent s5. dean accidentally becomes the Horseman of War. plays fun, fast and loose with biblical lore, michael has some rights.
Named - mature/95k, alternate s5. EXTREMELY blasphemous in a fun sexy way. manages to predict metatron almost to a T. there’s one major character death and its literally jesus christ, everyone is very sad about it and it sets the rest of the story rolling. an alternate interpretation of cas’ mission to raise dean from hell which had me on the floor. ngl its kind of misogynistic at points, but its from 2010 and tracks with late oughts-2010 spn (sorry anna the author did you dirty here:/).
The Girlfriend Experience - explicit/15k. uhhh i don’t normally rec or even read smutty stuff unless someone i know is specifically asking for it but this has stuff like sam trying to be a good ally and dean thinking holding hands with cas is ‘kinda gay :/’ minutes after having gay sex with him.
i crippled your heart a hundred times - explicit/19k, s8. cas confesses his feelings and dean spends a long time getting his head out of his ass about it. truly hits different after the actual confession, despite being written six years early it feels like its actually what could have gone down more or less if the writers weren’t talentless demons who hate us.
My Roots Take Flight** - mature/125k. reverse au where cas is a hunter and dean’s an angel...OR IS IT???? an alternate retelling of s4. tw for briefly being set in a psychiatric hospital/the hospital being mentioned somewhat frequently throughout the fic, plus more references to torture in hell and heaven than usual.
The One Thing You Can't Lose* - teen/4k.you know those posts about how cas is a super-strong super-tough ancient warrior but he just lets dean tug him around because he likes it? thats it thats the fic.
Hands, From Which All Things Are Built - teen/14k, post s8′s ‘goodbye stranger.’ cas is on the run with the angel tablet but keeps in touch with sam and dean by text, he and dean still manage to be terrible at Actual communication.
Autrement, Danger - or, The Account of an Exceedingly Long Day - mature/30k, post s11. a monster that takes the appearance of your soulmate leads to some wild miscommunications and dealing with years of repression, also dean gets to see cas’ true form which is always cool. tw for non-graphic mentions of underage sexual assault/sex work.
Down to Agincourt - mature/explicit/900++++k, endverse continuation. endverse!cas survives his encounter with lucifer and discovers another time-displaced dean from s7. i’ve only read the two of four parts but its really good, veeeeery slow burn, has a lot of fun oc’s and takes a rather surprising but (imo) entertaining and intriguing turn into Hellenic history and mythology. usual tw’s for endverse/endverse!cas but nothing graphic, it’s actually pretty light-hearted (relatively speaking of course).
Nothing Equals the Splendor** - explicit/8k, THEE finale fix it fic you’ve been waiting for! posits that the entire final episode was just a (very bad and lame) djinn’s vision.
like moses and batman and james dean - explicit/31k, post s8. explores dean’s trauma and internalized homophoba from his technically canon experience with sex work and its impact on his relationship with cas. the sex work itself isn’t really shown in any detail but it’s still a relatively heavy fic.
Crazy Diamonds - explicit/25k, s4/alternate s14. fresh-out-of-hell dean and dean from 10 years in the future are displaced from time and sent to each other’s present.
where the weeds take root - explicit/30k. au where the men of letters kick them out of the bunker and they accidentally move out into the country, get over their codependence and semi retire. featuring chicken coop building, sam volunteering at a dog shelter, gardening, and blissfully mundane domesticity.
No Resting Place - teen/6k. djinn dream fic, switches back and forth between cas’ dream of being married to dean and retired from hunting to the aftermath when he wakes up. tw for brief mention of suicide since, y’know, djinn dream.
any port in a storm - mature/52k. post s8 finale. cas and dean have to pose as a couple going through a rough patch for a case and actually deal with their emotional baggage, cas struggles with being human and metatron is up to stuff.
all this and heaven too* - explicit/7k. in the author’s own words ‘...a love letter to every trans person who ever projected onto Dean Winchester.’ absolutely unzipped me emotionally and theologically, its just. so good. tw for very brief mentions of internalized transphobia/dysphoria.
Because it is* - mature/6k, finale fix it. killing chuck does not bring back anyone back and the winchesters spend a very long time dealing with what they’ve lost, cas and dean SOMEHOW still manage to have signifigant communication issues even after the confession. tw for suicidal thoughts/brief attempt.
Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit* - teen/4k, s6. when cas fell for dean it automatically soulbonded/angel married them, shenanigans ensue when dean finds out during the angel’s civil war. funny and actually written back when s6 was airing so cas is still (or at least pretending to be) kind of an OP asshole which is fun.
Rinse, Repeat - teen/3k, s8. angsty character study of cas as he’s reprogrammed and trained to kill dean. not really dean/cas since its just cas’ pov of canon events but its beautifully written and ends with him snapping out of it through the power of love (also now a canon event!).
Emergence - explicit/59k, canon divergent after s11. dean meets a hunter he only recognizes as their friend claire novak’s missing father, but soon realizes he might be the answer behind the mysterious void in his memories and feelings (aka everyone’s memories of cas are completely wiped away for three years).
Cuckoo And Nest - explicit/10k, early established relationship/character study, cas tries to figure out how he fits into dean’s life and space in the bunker.
Build a Home* - teen/20k, canon divergent s12. sam and eileen are cute and turn the bunker into men of letters/hunters hq and everyone but cas moves in, mutual miscommunication issues and pining ensues.
Down in the River - teen/5k, early s8, cas prays to dean in purgatory while sam and dean try to figure out a way to get him out.
Teaching Poetry to Fish* - mature/52k, ?? BC through the entire series/canon divergent s14 and 15. retelling of crucial scenes throughout the shows timeline from cas’ pov, feat. actual fish and poetry.
the minor fall, the major lift - gen/4k, post confession/finale fixit. dean goes into the empty to save cas and runs into several old friends (and enemies).
With the Kisses of His Mouth* - teen/3k, gen later seasons. dean and cas keep kissing by accident.
Remaining Grace - explicit/109k, alternate s6. au where cas asks dean for help with raphael and dean, of course, does. tw for temporary major character death/semi-graphic depictions of alcohol withdrawal.
The face of heaven.* - teen/10k, au, dean is a regular guy and cas is a fallen star (think ‘stardust’, kinda).
Stories Are Made of Mistakes*  - teen/5k. newly human cas has trouble getting used to a human body and humanity in general, but still figures out that he and dean are A Thing before dean does.
Hurry Up And Wait - mature/21k, canon divergent s12. a fairyland and quite possibly LOTR related case comes up and dean goes full fanboy, mary is introduced to the wonders of the peter jackson adaptions, many references and comparisons (including between cas and dean’s ‘friendship’ and arwen/aragon). also charle is still alive and has just been doing fairy stuff this whole time.
There Are Many Things - explicit/28k, s9. cas is extremely lonely/touch-starved and trying to figure out this whole human thing, as well as where he and dean stand after being kicked out of the bunker.
It's A Long Life to Always Be Longing - teen/40k, post s11 finale. amara helps dean by putting him in a magical coma so he can finally get some much needed rest and show him possible futures for him, sam and cas. meanwhile sam and cas go on a roadtrip (or several) to find componets for a spell to wake dean up. really good sam and cas friendship, they actually talk about their shared lucifer trauma and stuff.
Non-Photo Blue - gen/2k, s4/5/alternate s5. fifty moments from cas’ memories of dean.
Tall Grass - explicit/57k, canon divergent post series. cas becomes the ultimate plant dad. feat the wayward sisters gang, cathartic character growth, fun oc’s, domesticity, and lots of actual botanical info-dumping.
on vessels - no rating/gen/2k. established dean/cas, cas tells dean about how he used to imagine what it would be like to have him as his vessel.
search for tomorrow on every shore* - teen/11k, post-finale (extremely derogatory). some angels in jack’s new heaven act out and dean gets temporarily resurrected in 2003 and runs into his younger self.
Architecture of the Minotaur’s Heart - explicit/45k, very canon divergent post s1. dean’s new house seems to have a life and mind of its own, while in his dreams he sees glimpses of a world and apocalypse that never came to be and an angel that looks strangely like his mysterious neighbor, cas. loosely inspired by the book house of leaves (which i highly recommend for fans of weird horror).
The Distance Of The Setting Sun - explicit/17k, post s5. established dean/cas relationship, team free will finally takes advantage of cas’ abilities to go on vacation around the world.
diamond star halo - teen/5k, s11. dean lets cas use him as a temporary vessel while he recovers from rowena’s spell, sam is a long-suffering third-wheel.
Make Known** - teen/16k, s6/7. dean struggles to understand how cas could have become his enemy and whether he ever truly knew him in the first place.
blunt little instrument* - mature/1.4k, post finale. dean finally confronts his father in heaven, very cathartic.
my heart a compass*** - teen/10k, post confession. the empty forces cas to re-experience his most regretted moments while dean tries to snap him out of it and bring him home.
A Crash Course in Someone Else's History - teen/11k, s6. cas from the very start of s4 is brought forward in time by s6!cas to distract the brothers from his and crowley’s plans.
The Cuckoo Father - mature/8k, s7 au. the woman who found cas in the river post-leviathans does not marry him bc he was sent to her by god or whatever, but actually identifies him as jimmy novak and sends him back to claire and amelia.
The Dead Dean Clause* - teen/5k, post alt s5 ending. team free will celebrates surviving taking down lucifer by getting blitzed, cas lies to a cop and gets an impromptu driving lesson. title/description sound dark i know but it’s actually very funny and light.
Suck It, Judy Garland - mature/20k, s12 (after the ‘i love you...i love all of you’ episode). cas and sam have to pretend to be a couple for a case and dean is NOT happy about it.
By Daylight and In Dream - teen/16k, s5. pre-dean/cas, dean invites cas to use his dreams to hide from the other angels. tw for very brief mention of a memory/dream of alastair sexually assaulting dean.
The Five People You Meet in Heaven - mature/22k, post-canon. an actually happy (if sometimes bittersweet) heaven endgame written several years ago, though some details are rather eerily similar to the show’s ending.
heaven is a place on earth* - teen/2k. dean’s pov of some of the times cas left him behind throughout the show, and one alternate ending where he finally gets to stay.
I Cleanse The Mirror - teen/20k, alternate s6. dean’s body is stolen by an ancient elemental and his soul has to hitch a ride in cas’ vessel.
an exploration of gender; angelic*** - mature/4k. *oscar isaac voice* lets get into angel gender politics!! aka cas is trans.
Zenith - explicit/33k, s9. after 9x06 an angry witch curses cas with the ability to see supernatural beings and human souls.
La cucina. - gen/3k, alt s9. dean goes wild helping a newly-human cas find out what kinds of food he likes, or the early s9 domesticity we deserved!
Dean Winchester, Cocksucker at Rest***** - teen/7k, post-finale. john and mary finally come over for dinner and john reacts to dean/cas in a rather predictable fashion. SOOOOOOOOO good omg, its so funny and a little sad and very very cathartic. part of a series that has a few other really good short fics.
The Way You Didn't Go - teen/5k, s15. coda to 15.09, dean has nightmares about the moc!cas timeline.
On Drowning - teen/28k. dean saves cas after he nearly drowns, they both try and deal with the physical/mental fallout (aka the fic where thee iconic “you only touch me when you think I’m dead or dying” originates). tw for realistic depictions of drowning/triage/misc medical information.
The Thirty-Six Questions That Lead to Love* - mature/13k. claire has dean and cas pretend to be her gay dads for a case and they play the titular 36 question game, get mistaken for swingers, and birdwatch, among other things.
Assorted F/F stuff:
Deep Breaths* - mary/ellen, au where mary said no to azazel’s deal and let john stay dead, still becomes a milf.
Like Rebel Diamonds - krissy/claire, they become hunter gf’s on the hunt for cas to kick his ass for taking jimmy. not-so-stealth dean/cas as well.
To Ash and Bone - anna/ruby, same author as the previous fic (p much all of her stuff is good from what i recall). au where ruby is a witch and helps anna when she’s cursed.
Holy Clockwork Angels - jo/ruby, STEAMPUNK au with very cool worldbuiilding.
At Day's End - jo/anna (my fucking KINGDOM for more jo/anna content, the dean/cas parallels are allllll there), au where they are both at the camp in the endverse and gfs.
these posts - ok so not actually a fic but i’m now obsessed with this hannah/meg dynamic.
Tagelied - mary/ellen, the true story of how ellen got into hunting before angels interfered.
Hell's Bells** - meg/abaddon, alternate s8/9 where meg survives crowley’s attack with sam’s help and teams up with abaddon (who she has a sk year old crush on) to take back hell.
The Ecstasy of the Rose - anna/ruby, anna travels back in time to escape heaven and becomes a signifigant part of ruby’s old human life.
Angel Underground - anna/jo, kind of an urban fantasy au with a very intriguing premise (sadly its very short, i’d love to see more if this ‘verse).
Clover, Flame - billie/mary, billie was always the reaper that showed up to take mary after her death(s) over the years.
Drag Me To Heaven - anna/ruby, a variant on the ‘last night on earth’ thing with dean.
Come Home* - jo/anna, canon-divergent au where anna is the new waitress at the roadhouse and helps jo set up a (probably not really) haunted house for halloween.
2K notes · View notes
waywardimpalawriter · 3 years
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hi! i really love your writing, and was really hoping you could do another dean winchester x f! plus size reader. possibly were they are best friends and she is pining for someone else. so before she can make her move on someone else he stops her and confess his love for her. idk maybe some angst/fluff/smut?? you don’t have to if u don’t want to, it’s totally up to you. like no pressure at all! but seriously, i do really love all your writing and i wanted to say thank you for everything u write and do!! <3 once again no pressure at all with this ask, but overall thank you!!<3
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Just one good reason
Pairing: Dean Winchester x Plus Size Female Reader
SPN mixed Bingo Square: Hurt/Comfort Square
Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester,
Setting: mid season 11
Rating: E (explicit), NSFW, 18+ only please
Warnings: angst, smut, yearning, grumpy and sweet Dean (yes they need a warning),
Word count: 12,805 (Truly Was suppose to be this long. I blame Dean for this.)
Summary: He’s given a million reasons, damaged goods, blood on his hands, nightmares, scared in so many ways. But most of all that he’s not good enough. Just when you’re ready to walk out that door he gives you one good reason to stay.
Notes: Thank you Anon for this request, I love writing for Dean so very much and to add a plus size gal in as well that just makes my day. I do hope you’ll enjoy this story. The song “Million Reasons” both version’s by Lady Gaga and Briana Buckmaster are inspiration for this story.
Tag list: Is open for all character’s and series I write for.
@spnmixedbingo
Dean Winchester list: @akshi8278
Just one good reason list: @chickensarentcheap
@impala1967dwinchester, @lilacprincessofrecovery, @superavengerpotterstar @jbbarnesgirl @sofreddie  @slightlyobsessedwithissues  
Ancient hinges creak wearily, firm hand pushing to hold open the heavy door letting you and Sam pass by. Fatigued sigh leaves slightly chapped lips, “It’s good to be home.” Taking the stairs down two at a time, tossing duffle bags towards the war table.
“Going soft on us old man?” Teasing quip tugging a smile from your lips as you drop down into the nearest chair. “Getting use to having that soft bed under your ass now huh?”
Scoffing, whiskey flecked green eyes settling on your plush frame, “Woman you forget we’re the same age first off.” Playfully stocking towards you, hands placed on the back of your chair to cage you in. “Second damn right that bed is magical, memory form baby, it remembers me,” poking your side, giggle leaving your lips body squirming in the seat.
“Stop,” pleading tone entering your voice, trying to evaded his questing hands trailing along your curvy sides. “Please,” puppy eyes begging for mercy, his hands aren’t willing to give. Though you can’t bring yourself to care seeing the weight, even for a moment, disappear from his countenance. Or the fact your sides aren’t the ticklish spot on your body, moving in the seat purely for show.
“Say your sorry for calling me old,” brow lifting watching you squirm under his hands. Wishing and not for the first time, he could have your soft body slotted against his harder frame. Knowing how well you fit just in a different way, one that hasn’t been enough for a long time.
Giggles burst from your lips, hands flat against the hard plains of his chest tugging on the dark blue t-shirt to distract from his plans. Pushing him away which had as much of an effect as a toy bulldozer did against a real brick wall. “Okay, okay I’m sorry, promise I’m sorry,” gasping for breath giving a hard tap to his shoulder.
“Now who’s giving up too soon?” Hands pause as his eyes catch yours for a long moment. Smiling face beaming up at him, heart beating triple time and not from assaulting you with his hands. Unable to resist the urge to touch your soft skin. Callused fingers come up to barely graze just under your left eye carefully capturing the eyelash on the tip of his forefinger from your cheek, “Make a wish.”
Leaning forward to place your lips close to the offered digit, eyes closed to blow a cold stream, eyelash fluttering away unseen. Keeping your libs lowered for a bit longer torn between what you truly desire and what’s within your grasp. Whiskey roughened voice breaking through your thoughts, sending a pleasurable shiver down your spine.
“What you wish for?” Swallowing hard, beloved eyes flutter open to ensnare his in there depths. Catching something simmering just below but disappears quicker than a jack rabbit running from a coyote.
Clearing yours throat, “Can’t tell ya Deano won’t come true if I do.” Giving a smile, pressing him backwards to raise and grab your duffle bag. Cell phone signaling an incoming text message making you pull the the black case wrapped piece of tech out of your front jeans pocket. Bright smile pulling your lips higher seeing just who’s messaged you. “Catch y’all later.”
“Someone good?” Sam speaks for the first time since coming home. Watching the scene between his brother and best friend. Wanting to strangle the both of you for not seeing what’s right in front of you.
Head snapping up from buried in your phone to stare wide eyed at Sam, “Yes, no I mean it’s nothing but could be something.”
“Will again?” Peripheral catching the dark scowl pass over Dean’s features before disappearing behind a mask of indifference.
Humming sweetly, sparkle lighting your eyes that go back to your phone for a moment. “He’s asking if we can meet up tomorrow for lunch, trying to choose where to eat.”
“What about,” clearing his throat to unclog the emotions choking off the air to breath. “That little diner in town? It’s your favorite and serves the best pie aside yours of course.”
Trapping and tugging your bottom lip between nibbling teeth, head shaking in the negative. “Nope he’s not fond of greasy foods.”
‘Plus that’s our spot,’ unbridled thought slides into your mind and you want to look over at Dean to remind him. But push those thoughts aside with a wave, heading towards the bedrooms carefully making sure not to bump into a wall while responding.
Green eyes follow till you round the corner, heart catching in his throat cursing himself for mentioning your diner. Knowing better yet wanting confirmation without asking if the spot is still special.
“You’re an idiot Dean,” shaggy brown head shaking as he to snaps up his duffle bag to head towards his room. “The foundation is already there start building before it cracks.”
“Thanks Riddler, just cause I’m Batman doesn’t mean you have to be so fucking vague.” Left with his thoughts and the growing feeling he’s loosing you to another man. Dean leaves his stuff lay where it landed glancing over the chair you vacated not five minutes ago then heading towards the kitchen. In need of something harder than beer but settling for the dark brew being the only alcohol in the bunker.
Opening the fridge door, grabbing a brew his fingers brush against the clear plastic container holding a single slice of pecan pie. Eyes unseeing, drifting back into memories when the Mark of Cain still burned into his skin.
2015
Charlie’s dead, beaten, murdered and left in a pool of her own blood. Every time his eyes close she’s there, expressionless sea green eyes staring blankly into his own. Never hearing her snarky retorts, sassy ways or those hugs she gave. Staring into cold brown sludge, hands gripping the mug a little too tightly. Not sure why he chose to come here of all places. When he could’ve started out on his hunt for the Styne’s. Deep down though he knows the reason right as the little bell signals someone’s entered the small family owned diner. Knowing exactly who and trying to ready himself for your present.
Never ready for how your soft fingers brush along his temple, settling on his shoulder for a moment while you slide into the worn pleather covered booth. Trailing those gentle fingers down his black and grey plaid covered arm. Tugging one hand from around the ceramic cup to intertwine your fingers. Head coming to rest on his shoulder, no words just comfort in a time when he needs it most.
“You shouldn’t be here,” dark with hints of gravel and kissed with pain in the tone. Whiskey flicked green obits focus, for the first time on something besides the cup in his hands, landing on the top of your head.
Shrugging, “Where else should I be Dean?” Looking up at him sorrowful eyes meeting right when your other palm comes up to brush moisture from his cheek. Unnoticed tears sliding down cool cheeks, “You’re my best friend there’s no place I’d rather be then right here helping you.”
“You could get killed,” the very through twists his heart till almost bursting. Brings bile to rise in the back of his throat, slithering through his system to settle unpleasantly in the pit of his stomach. It’s one thing to loose Charlie a heavy casualty. But you, Dean isn’t sure he’d come back from the dark path he’d follow for vengeance.
Soft sad smile turns your lips barely upward, “Not gonna happen I have my knight in shining Impala to keep me safe.”
“I couldn’t keep Charlie safe how can I…”
Shaking your head, finger placed over his kissable lips, “You’ve given me a million reasons already Dean Winchester and I don’t believe a single one of them.” Resting your foreheads together a moment, tenderness skating across your veins for the man beside you, “You might not believe it but your a good man.”
Pie filled plate slides across scared formica table top, metal fork clattering against the ceramic pushed in front. “More coffee,” sweet feminine voice floats from beside you.
Nodding, “Please, sugar and cream too.” Giving her a smile that doesn’t reach your eyes feeling Dean stir beside you.
“Black like my soul you know that sweetheart,” slightly chapped lips brush your cheek. A simple thank you for this act of kindness he feels undeserving of. If he hadn’t already been head over heels in love with you this sweet gesture would’ve sealed the deal.
Breathless gasp parts your lips as you turn finding Dean closer almost invading your space. Leather, motor oil and Irish Spring tickle your nose, eyes locking with those agony drenched obits, making another gasp exist your lungs. Heartache rocketing through your body, colliding with anger directed at the Styne’s.
“Eat your pie Winchester we’ll talk about that soul of yours later after dealing with the Styne’s.”
Heart freezing at the mention of the murdering family, “No,” rougher than intended, Dean grabs your chin twisting your face towards his. Rage hot and potent flaring through those beautiful greens. “No you will stay with Sam I’ll deal with them myself…”
“Dean you can’t be serious…” grabbing his wrist, pleading in your eyes for him to listen. Loosing Charlie splintered your heart, counting her as the sister you’ve never had. Her blood demanding revenge for the grievous act. But loosing Dean would kill you, knowing you never would come back from that agony.
“I am, deadly so. You try and sneak along I’ll toss that sexy ass outta Baby faster than you can pray to Castiel.”
Snorting, pulling your chin from his grasp, “You couldn’t lift me Winchester and you can’t stop me…” but the look he gives you does. Any farther flow of words halt in there bid to tumble out of your mouth.
“No I can’t,” callused palms cup your cheeks keeping you in place. Searching your eyes and making sure you understood, “I don’t want you to come with me Y/N. If there’s anytime to listen its now. I’ve lost one sister I didn’t want.” Bitting those words out to keep from speaking the others which threaten to pour from his being. “I can’t loose you,” resting your foreheads together again.
Nodding, trying to keep yourself from rubbing your cheek into his palm or worse press your lips against his. Lying to yourself isn’t something you normally do and you wouldn’t start now with the realization you were in love with your best friend and worried your going to loose him to the all consuming darkness.
You're giving me a million reasons to let you go
You're giving me a million reasons to quit the show
You're giving me a million reasons
Give me a million reasons
Giving me a million reasons
About a million reasons
Present
Downing the last of his long neck, drawing patterns over the hardwood table underneath with the condensation from the bottle. Eyes trained on that single slice of pie you’d bought him weeks ago.
“I wouldn’t eat that if I were you D,” mirth filled voice floats towards him before you reach his side in body.
Hand coming into view grabbing for the container to toss it out. But Dean’s quicker, “If you value your life, you’ll unhand my pie,” thick fingers circle your wrist pulling your plush body down beside him. “It’s not nice to steal a man’s pie woman,” keeping his tone light, playful and away from the looming fate he knows will visit upon his person once you figure out Will is the man you truly want. Deserving of your light, and laughter, the sweetness, of your beauty that Dean only hopes the other man will appreciate.
Gasping in mock outrage, “Who me?” Hand to heart trying to keep the laughter from your tone. “I would never deprive you of pie Deano. But I would that slice since I think it’s become a science experiment.”
Narrowing his eyes towards the offending sweet dessert, “It is not.” Poking twice before pulling the pie forward for a closer inspection. Musical laughter meeting his ears, smothering the smirk threatening to bloom over his lips. “Okay so maybe your right,” turning his pouting face towards you.
“Course I am,” giving him a wink then standing to toss the ruined sweets out. Pausing by the panty, you peek in unaware Dean’s watching you from his seat.
Teasing sway to your generous hips has his eyes tracking every movement. Bitting the inside of his cheek to keep from groaning at how temping you look. Thick thighs encased in blue denim jeans feet bare from wearing those steal toed Dr. Martins during hunts. Body stretching upwards, soft cotton baby blue tank top riding up to bare a silver of delicate skin to his eyes. Your fingers barely snag the sugar container’s edge, pulling it down to clasp against your ample chest.
Chastising himself for the erotic thoughts flipping through his mind on a single film reel. “What exactly are you doing sweetheart?” Carefully keeping his lower half away from your line of sight. Lest you find out the problem currently tenting his jeans, teeth gritting to stop himself from acting on all those thoughts.
“Never you mind Dean Winchester,” tossing over your shoulder, checking for vanilla extract, light syrup, and butter from the fridge. Last stop the freezer mentally trying to remember if you there's a pie shell left or would need to make one. Hoping for at least a single, since checking the flour stock and coming up almost empty. “Start a list for me please and put flour on it,” setting the three ingredients in your hands down. Turning back to open the metal door to peer into the freeze, swaying slighting to a song running through your head. A triumphant “Yes,” exists your lips, a little dance of excitement upon finding the last shell.
Damn near swallowing his tongue so entranced by your movements gulping different words back down to keep from making a total fool of himself. As he utters, “Not till I know exactly what your making over there Betty Crocker.”
“Resorting to blackmail now?” Brow arched, unconsciously licking your lips slowly. Unaware of Dean watching the path it takes across your pump bottom lip, tucking it between indenting teeth.
For distraction purposes, Dean pulls his phone from the front pocket of his jeans. Bringing up the list app a suggestion to simplify things you gave him months back. Forcing himself to focus on the small screen in his hands instead of the woman currently dancing around the kitchen. Pulling bowls, pots and pans out, one chance glance has an inaudible groan vibrating through his chest at the sight of your plush ass. Bent over shifting through sheet pans knowing which you look for as arousal flares to life so potent Dean turns quickly hiding his reacting. Planting his face in the palms of his hands, elbows bent to catch the weight. Fingers digging into eye sockets to use the pain and banish the thoughts from reappearing.
Frowning at his actions you come over after putting the pan on the counter. Fingers running through his hair, scraping the scalp with short nails. Pleased smile at the groan you pull from his lips as he rubs his head into your palm like a little puppy. “Something wrong Dean?” Worry dancing through the cadence of your voice other hand coming to rest on his shoulder.
“Fine,” head popping up, forcing your fingers to slide out of his hair. Taking a chance to glance up into your worried eyes. Underserving of your soft touch searing his skin. An itch to run from our presence skitters across his veins. “I’m fine sweetheart just tired.”
Searching his face, those whiskey flecked green eyes so unlike the blue-greens of Will’s, catching something hiding in those deep depths he’s trying to hide. Never fooled by words, always inspecting his actions and those little tells partially concealed though you know them all too well. “You’re covering something up Winchester I’ll get it out of you one way or another,” patting his cheek and stepping away.
‘I don’t want you to go on that date,’ on the tip of his tongue poised to leave his lips he keeps smashed together burying those feelings to not ruin this chance you have at an apple pie life. The very thought tears his heart, rendering another hole in the punched out organ. Though it’s his own fault for giving you a million reasons to keep that boundary line in place. Tip toeing almost across a few times, but always toeing the line keeping himself in check. Head snapping around when something hard hits the back of his head, scowl in place though it’s more playful than menacing. “Did you just…” glancing towards the floor to find a lone pecan on the ground behind him. Head tilted to the side, eyes narrowed on your face, which is the total opposite of his holding a sweetly innocent look concealing the trouble he knows you’ll cause. “Seriously a pecan? That could’ve done damage Babe Ruth.”
Eyes rolling, snort issuing from your up turned lips, “I don’t know what you speak of Dean I’m just here making a pie minding my own business. Can’t help it if a pecan has it out for you.”
“Possessed it must be,” voice pitched in a poor imitation of Master Yoda, getting a boo hiss from your general direction. “Though something tells me a certain someone threw the poor helpless nut.”
Shrugging, face neutral a picture of indifference with hands on your wide hips ingredients spread out over the counter. “Stop calling yourself names Dean it’s not nice.” Bottom lip trapped for a second to keep from giggling at the way he’s looking towards you.
Enjoying this moment of normalcy you’ve managed to capture in these dark and dangerous times. Thoughts skittering towards Will, if he’s able to put up with the hunters life style? Former Marine, Will knows so little of what truly goes bump in the night making you worry he wouldn’t feel at ease. It’s the reason you’ve hesitated each time he’s asked you out. Not wanting to drag someone else into a life of blood and death. Persistence and patience paid off when you finally agreed on a dinner date for tomorrow night. One your actually looking forward to.
But then you glance towards Dean, seeing the smile grace those soft looking lips, shinning in his whiskey flecked green orbs for the first time in months and you hesitate. Would you want to leave this life for a man who wouldn’t understand you not fully anyway? Or stay and remain the best friend till a hunt takes one of you out? Could you truly leave your home with the Winchesters, with Dean?
His voice breaks through the your thoughts, ruthful chuckle echoing through the room, “Haha sweetheart stop trying to be John Candy it ain’t workin for ya,” bending to scoop up the tossed nut a memory filters through his mind. Opening a wound he thought long since closed over soaked in whiskey and women who’s names he’s forgotten. Shaking the thought away to ask, “You gonna chunk a nut at your boyfriend tomorrow night too? Or is that reserved for me?”
Not sure why he’s even asking or teasing you about it or the fact there’s a bite to the tone. He shouldn’t care about a simple date, yet the thought twists his gut smile slipping from his lips as he looks down at the pecan in hand. Unwillingly letting those images fill and play before his eyes.
If I had a highway, I would run for the hills
If you could find a dry way, I'd forever be still
But you're giving me a million reasons
Give me a million reasons
Giving me a million reasons
About a million reasons
December 2011
Run down two room shack a nicer way of putting it truly, you think while pulling up outside next to Baby’s sleek black side. Hands gripping the steer wheel till knuckles hurt and you can focus again through the haze of tears spilling down your cold cheeks. Still trying to grasp the fact Bobby Singer legendary hunter, go to lore man, and surrogate father, dead by a bullet from Dick Roman’s gun. Itching for vengeance you try to quell for another time when you can let all the anger out. For right now you knew he needed you more than any strategy planning or revenge thought.
Remembering Sam’s voice shaking, laced with pain, peppered with rage but above all coated in sadness you could hear over the phone lines. Never hesitating to drop the case — for now — breaking speed limit in the need to reunite with your boys. You’d do anything for family even those who weren’t by blood. Learning a long time ago that family doesn’t end with the DNA flowing through your veins.
Shaking those thoughts from your mind and existing the car only to lean back in and grab the bags from the passenger side. Standing to full height to peer over the top locking eyes with those anger clouded greens. “No I didn’t bring you anything Winchester so don’t bother asking.” Trying to lighten the situation with poorly used humor.
Words fail to leave thinned lips as you pass by, hand holding the creaking barely held together door open for you. Following behind his voice scratchy from no use, “Sam call you?”
“Of course silly why wouldn’t he?” Placing the bags on what could pass for a pile of rubble instead of an island countertop. Turning to face him cataloging each feature, the stone set of his jaw, shoulders tight with tension, eyes those beautiful normally vibrate whiskey flecked greens mute with anguish he tries to hide.
Shrugging, shoulders dropping forward with no will to keep them up, “He shouldn’t have your needed else where Y/N.”
“Bullshit Winchester,” moving with purpose to stand in his personal space. “Bobby was just as much a father to me as to you. There’s no other place I’d rather be than here, for a different reason yes but I’m not leaving so suck it up buttercup.”
Catching the flash of anger tinging the deep greens whether directed at you or himself you’re not sure. “We already salted and burned his body, there’s no reason for you to stay.” Turning away from your softening eyes knowing your going to try and reason with him. Make him see he’s not responsible for what happened.
“I know,” two simple words make him pause and turn back. “I didn’t come to say goodbye to Bobby, I came for you.” Taking one step closer arms wrapping around his slumped shoulders bringing him into the shelter of your embrace. Steady hands running the length of his stiff back, imparting your warm, trying to give comfort knowing he’s unaccepting of such sympathies.
Brows furrowing, frown tipping his lips downward, fists clinching at his sides, Dean tries to keep himself from giving into the solace he so easily could find in your embrace. Warmth sinking into his skin through the layers of clothing he wears, tingling his skin, quickening his pulse.“Why?”
“You need me, your not listening to Sam or Castiel talking about going off to track Roman down yourself,” spitting the Leviathan’s name out like chewed to long gum. Head resting against his strong chest feeling the slightly erratic beat of his heart against your ear.
Back stiffening, “I don’t need you to tell me what to do Y/N I can make that decision on my own.” Low growl rattling through his chest as he pulls from your arms and steps from the warmth evaporating from his body. “You should leave.”
“And get yourself killed?” Hands slamming to your wide hips glaring daggers at your best friend. “What happened wasn’t your fault Dean. Any one of us could’ve taken that bullet, Bobby knew the risks of the mission, accepted them and died…” swallowing the tears threatening to slip from your eyes. “A hero,” ignoring his last words, reaching out to try and take his hand only to have him pull away like you’ve burned him.
“Don’t, don’t try to reason this with me I know better,” turning his back to head for the wall covered in papers trying to figure out just what Dick Roman’s up too.
Shaking your head knowing he’s hurting but not wanting to voice those feelings, to make him appear weak. With a sigh leaving your frowning lips you move silently beside him looking over the wall of weird trying to piece together how everything connects. Brushing your hand against his, pinkie trailing to catch what you think is his forefinger. Wrapping the little finger tightly around his you lean over, “I’m right here when you’re ready Dean, I’m not leaving nor letting go.”
“You should,” not bothering to turn and face you. Memories of Lisa and Ben filter through his thoughts along with Bobby, his father and what he can remember of his mother. “I’m poison and get everyone around me killed.” He doesn’t want to add you to the growing list. Rather wanting you to leave and find a different path for your life.
Tugging on his finger to wrap the middle and forefinger with your ring and pinkie fingers, “Then Sam and I are the antidote to your poison.” Giving a soft sad smile to his side profile, wrapping him up into your arms. Resting your head on his shoulder, voice a gentle whisper of breath upon his cheek and neck,“Those reasons keep tallying up Winchester we’ll hit a million before long.”
Reminding you both of a long ago discussion between the two of you in Bobby’s junk yard while still teenagers. Before angels and demons, vampires thought long dead and ancient Leviathan brought back from the pit of purgatory. When you made the packed to never fall for each other and always remain best friends. To never let go no matter how dire the situation, you’d have each other’s back.
Evaporating memories of long ago, you speak softly still resting your head on his shoulder. “You work on this mosaic of papers you have plastered over the walls. I have a pie to bake,” not giving it much thought you quickly press a kiss to his stubbled cheek then turn to head back towards the passable kitchen area.
Tingles dance over his skin for longer than he wishes, wanting to suppress those feelings bubbling up to try and consume him. Thinking he could bury them under the mounting pain and self hated. Yet, the warmth of your arms, soft press of your lips, your words register and sink into his brain Dean turns to watch you work unable stop a few of those feelings from dancing around his heart. Single thought shocking him in its stark contradiction to his current state of mind, Dean Winchester self proclaimed ladies man has fallen in love with his best friend. A sucker punch to the gut making him gasp and reel that silent declaration in. Stuffing it under the right full emotions of anger and pain. Letting them tap dance through his veins instead, something much safer for the both of them. Something he could understand and deal with.
I bow down to pray
I try to make the worst seem better
Lord, show me the way
To cut through all his worn out leather
I've got a hundred million reasons to walk away
But, baby, I just need one good one to stay
Head stuck in a cycle, I look off and I stare
It's like that I've stopped breathing, but completely aware
'Cause you're giving me a million reasons
Give me a million reasons
Giving me a million reasons
About a million reasons
Present
“He’s not my boyfriend yet Dean,” eyes rolling as you turn to melt the butter in a small sauce pan. Though there is a part of you wishing he could one day fill the role unless a single good reason can change your mind comes your way.
“But you want him too?” Words muttered through presses together teeth. Hating the fact he’s letting something so trivial effect him in such a way. You’ve had other boyfriends, one night stands he’s had to sit through yet this one feels different. As if he could truly loose you this time and those thoughts scare the shit outta him the most. Because yes you’re his best friend for longer than he can remember but above that you’re the woman who gets him, argues with him, sets his ass straight when he’s being stupid and above all or so he hopes, loves him warts and all.
Hands pause at his question looking into the melting golden liquid bubbling silently remembering to flick the tiny knob and turn the heat off. While your head screams to say yes but it’s a little small voice beating quickly beneath your ribcage making you pause. Clearing your throat to gather what thoughts you could from their scattered places. You’ve always spoke with honesty to Dean, unless circumstances dictated other wise, and you weren’t about to change now. Through you wouldn’t turn to face him when you did wanting to keep from seeing his eyes. Finding the reason for his questions in those green depths you’ve fallen for though never spoken the feelings. “Yes, he could…” swallowing to coat your dry throat to spit out the words rotting your stomach. “I could have a chance at happiness with Will, Dean. Why do you even ask?”
“I don’t want to loose you,” ‘Because I love you,’ on the tip of his tongue to tell you, give voice and life to his true feelings. Wanting you to stay and forget about those million other reasons he’s let slip between the cracks in your relationship.
Frozen in place, hands gripping the countertop beside the stove. “You wouldn’t loose me Dean I’d still go on hunts with you, I’d stick around,” lies tasting bitter on your tongue, heart beating triple time wondering if he’ll pick up on the dishonesty your speaking. Always feeling he’d never see you as anything other than his best friend. Never the type of woman to draw his attention, too soft and plush in places most men wouldn’t want and you didn’t pine for a man who’s given you a million reasons to walk away. So you shoved those feelings, the love you held back trying to make it work with other men. To find the one who’d surpass Dean destroying your feelings for the green eyed hunter, giving you the one reason to stay and belong. So why now did he have to put doubts in your mind? Why ask these questions when in years past he’d brush other men away as nothing more than a passing fancy?
Silently Dean stands slowly making his way towards you, taking in the ridged stance of your plush form. Hands itch to wrap around your thick waist and haul you against his chest. Pausing right beside you, brushing his fingers against yours too hook what he thinks is your forefinger with his pinkie. “You and I both know things wouldn’t stay the same between us sweetheart. He’d find a way to take you away from me,” praying you won’t pull away Dean turns to stare at your profile. Taking in the beauty he’s catalogued thousands of times, the curve of your lips when you smile, slope of your nose, eyes bright with laughter or spiting fire when angry usually at him. Softness of your cheeks under his palms the times he’s actually got to cup and caress the skin.
“We’ll remain best friends Dean that’ll never change,” gathering the courage to turn and look into his eyes. Catching the sadness coating those beloved greens making your heart ache. Tongue slipping out to tug back your bottom lip between your teeth indented them to keep from asking the question your heart demands.
Of its own accord Dean’s free hand comes up to brush over your cheek, cupping the soft skin, fingers spread from apple to jaw wanting so badly to draw you in and kiss those tempting lips. “I want you happy Y/N and if it’s possible out of this life, been wanting that for you since Bobby,” sliding his hand to your chin to pinch the end with his thumb and forefinger tipping your face up to press a lingering kiss to your forehead. “I’ll miss you sweetheart.”
Eyes lock with stormy greens after he pulls back, soft gasp parting your lips at the simple touch, words sounding like a goodbye instead of their usual see ya later. Grappling for words to say, questions to ask, trying to figure out what’s going on, and why now. But he’s gone before your brain can catch up with your mouth, and your turning to rush after, seeing his back disappear around the corner.
Feet finally responding to command as you quickly follow stopping at the doorway, “Give me one good reason.” Praying he’ll listen and stop, hoping it’s not too late. “Stop giving me all these reasons to leave.”
Back ridged but his mind a flurry of thoughts and answers, more questions than he could shake a stick at. Only one reason comes to mind, “Good reason to what?”
Traveling the short distance to take his hand intertwining your fingers with his, needing him to turn around and look at you. Needing the connection while stating, “Give me a good reason to stay Dean to not go tomorrow night.”
“I can’t,” partly wanting to flinch from your touch, to tug his hand free, and partly wanting to sink into your familiar embrace. Soak in the peace he always finds in your arms, to bath in your warmth and possibly bask in your love. But Dean wouldn’t be selfish he’d let you go even if it meant killing his own heart and soul.
The urge to punch him grows strong but your refrain from using violence, “Why not? Too scared? Or you just don’t care?”
The warmth of your hand disappears from searing into his palm, tingling those long nimble fingers, his eyes close knowing you’re walking away because of that millionth reason. Till the first brush of soft fingers tender in there touch upon his cheek. He gives in to the urge and rubs his slightly stubbled cheek into your palm. “If that’s you Sam, I’m gonna kick your ass dude,” ignoring your questions in favor of basking in your touch instead. Hearing the soft giggle from your lips brings a smile to his own. Eyes finally opening too stare into yours, almost doing a doubt take at what he sees in those beloved depths. “I don’t deserve you Y/N.”
“Stop giving me a million reasons Dean and give me the one that’ll make me stay,” imploring him with your touch, fingers tracing over his cheeks and jaw. Tracing his plush bottom lip with the pad of your thumb, “I just need one good reason.”
He’d find the situation funny if it’s anyone else standing in front asking the same question. Even Sam would get a chuckle from his lips, but you, his breath freezes, heart thumping wildly in equal measures of terror and excitement. The very thoughts running unrestrained in his mind scare the shit out of him, but only one truly feels right. Snaking an arm around your thick waist pulling you against his strong chest, fitting like missing puzzle pieces. His free hand coming up to cup your cheek, “I love you.”
Tears slip from their ducts barely held back till those three simple words spill from his mouth jump starting your heart and sending your emotions swirling. Warm palms cradle your wet cheeks, gun callused thumbs brush hot tears away, you spy the worry and fear your non response sparks. “Do you mean it?” Wanting clarification before handing your heart over to the very man who’s held it for so long.
Knowing what your asking Dean stops waiting and lowers his mouth to yours. That first touch of lips electricity shoots through you veins. Body responding quicker with arms going around his neck to pull him firmly against you not a wisp of space between your bodies. Fingers tangling in the short hairs at the back of his head while you slot your lips against his. Demanding and deep, a tangled dance of tongues. Clashing of teeth, a melding mouths and finding the right angles to draw those delicious moans from each of you. Till air becomes necessary and you break apart panting, “That answer your question sweetheart?”
“No,” smirking when his eyes narrow, “I wanna hear it again.”
No hesitation in speaking those three words, “I love you.” Groaning when your lips smash back to his. Stealing breath from his lungs and a moan from his chest, Dean walks you backward till your pressed against the cool tile wall. Lower pelvis holding your soft body in place so his hands can dance over your cotton covered plush form. Palm’s flat against your thick waist, slowly dragging them around and down to cup your generous ass. Squeezing firmly and making you gasp.
Using the opening as a way to work his tongue back into your mouth, delving in for another taste of your sweetness. Low groan existing when rearranging his mouth to fit differently and snag a gulp of air. Stubble abrading your chin in the most spectacular of ways. Pooling heat low in your belly and making your mind wander in other more salacious directions. Brought back from teetering on the deliciously desirable edge by a sharp bite, his teeth nabbing your bottom lip to tug, letting go with a wet pop. Breath fanning out over your heated cheeks. Eyes once closed now open and locked with yours a pleading undertone to the desire darkened greens.
Knowing what he wants to hear and unable to wait along, “I love you too Dean.” Heart bursting with unrestrained joy flooding your system and making you love drunk.
“Thank fucking God,” groaning, resting your foreheads together still trying to reign in the wild thumping of his heart. Your admission only serves to make the largest muscle spasm quicker. All his pent up emotions, desires and needs flowing to the surface, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from rushing into something too fast. Remembering it’s still fresh and new between the two of you a different path to the relationship already established in friendship.
Giggling softly, you cup both his cheeks, thumbs brushing along his skin, three days worth of stubble abrading your palms. “So,” teasing smirk pulling at your lips, “I better call Will huh?”
“For?” Trying to keep the bitter growl from escaping and giving away his feelings on the sore subject. Tugging your soft body back in place from your wiggles to side free, not ready to let you go just yet.
Sliding one hand down his chest to rest where you know his anti-possession tattoo resides. Tracing the edges with the tip of your finger over the black t-shirt he’s wearing, locking eyes with his, “Seems I’m a taken woman. Wouldn’t want to lead the poor guy on now would I?” Watching how those whiskey flecked greens darken, pushing his lower body deeper into your plush form. Barely heard as you try not to give away the whimper of need his body produces in your own, with his pressed so tightly. Cool concrete keeping you body temp from over heating for the moment.
“No,” clearing his throat leaning in to draw his nose over your jawline. Touring towards your ear, catching the lobe between his front teeth to tug. Low desire filled growl leaving his lips, followed by, “Tomorrow is another day sweetheart and right now you’ve got better things to do.”
Heading tipping over granting access to the parts of your neck he wants, trying to keep the shiver from rolling over your body. Heat flooding your veins sparking a need you’ve never felt with any of the other men you’d previously had relations with. “What,” licking your parched lips, “what better things Dean?” Praying it’s the same idea rolling around your head for the longest time.
Pausing in his mapping of your neck and shoulder with his lips, Dean raises his head to spear you with a heated look. “Me for starters sweetheart, that is of course…” uneasiness has him trailing off the first time in his life. The bitter taste of uncertainty coating his thoughts for a fraction of a second before your lips land back on his.
Teasingly soft presses, little ghost touches of your tongue, playfully dotting his cheeks, chin and forehead with your lips before brushing close to his ear. “Hey Dean,” smiling against his skin, tenderly pressing your lips just south of his ear. Nibbling the found patch of sensitive skin behind committing the spot to memory for later. Breath puffing out quicker feeling him shiver, knowing what the next words would invoke in Dean and his love for the movie. “You big stud. Take me to bed or lose me forever,” sultry tone added to the cadence.
His eyes close for a moment, heart swelling as you recite the words to one of his favorite movies. Marveling at the fact you’ve remembered the lines perfectly and Dean falls deeper in love with you if that’s possible.
The gentle caresses of your lips against his skin setting fire to his nerve endings, room in his jeans becoming a hot commodity as his shaft thickens and throbs. Finding the distraction almost too much while trying to recall the next line. Teasing giggles reach his ears that he replies to with a deep chuckle. Words coming back to him, “Show me the way home, honey.”
Reaching down to tug one hand from your ass, chuckling with a shake of your head when it doesn’t budge but squeezes the generous globe. Notching himself tighter into your body, smirk appearing as your eyes widen, gasp issuing from parted lips. Bitting the inside of your cheek to keep from giggling before the words can escape. “Is that a pickle in your pocket or you just happy to see me?”
“Oh sweetheart it’s a great big dill I can show ya,” flashing a smirk, both of you trying hard not to laugh.
“Preferably,” deep voice tinged with slight offense but liberally coated in amusement. “In your own room so the both of you aren’t bare ass naked in the hallway bumping like bunnies,” having rounded the corner towards the kitchen and catching the intimate embrace. “A vision I don’t want branded into my skull thank you very much,” Sam paused arms crossed in annoyance. Golden dotted green eyes dancing with mirth, catching the playfully scandalous expression cross your features. Glancing towards Dean who buries his face in your neck getting a deep chuckle from his brother.
Try as you might to keep from busting out laughing they just rolled out of your mouth as your eyes lock with Sam’s. Acting stoic but the smile tugging at his lips and the teasing flash through his eyes speak a different story. Only thing holding you up is Dean’s body still pressed heavily against your. The man in question glancing up first to look at you then over his shoulder towards Sam. “Don’t even start Sammy,” grumbling good-naturedly giving him a middle finger salute and the opening you need to slip from between his hard body and the wall. Teasing growl rumbling through his chest at the loss of your warmth. Dean reaches out to snag your arm but you manage to dance out of his reach, giggles echoing off the walls trailing behind your disappearing form.
“Wouldn’t dream of it Dean but Cas owes me fifty bucks,” patent Sam Winchester smirk sliding over his lips. Brow raised at his scoff, “Can’t believe I had a betting pot going?”
Watching you run off happy grin tipping his mouth upward, he looks back at Sam grin still in place. “Just can’t believe it’s with Cas. Rowena maybe, Jody, Claire, Alex and Donna fuck yes but Cas,” incredulous look stealing over his features for a few moments.
“Who say’s the bet’s not bigger than you think,” broad shoulders shrugging same smirk in place, Sam enters the kitchen on that note leaving Dean to stare wide eyed after his baby brother. “Matter of time, always just a matter of time,” laughter tinged voice exists the kitchen, unseen shake of his head at the mess left behind.
Stock still for a fraction of a second till soft giggles echo quietly down the hall, grin turning into full blown smile. Need rushing back through his veins in remembrance of your position just a few short moments ago. Low curse existing his mouth, Dean turns racing off to find which room you’re hiding in.
Nerves tingled through your body, worry interrupting thoughts/memories of short minutes ago. Hard press of his body against yours, warm moist breath fanning out over your skin sending tingles of a different kind to skitter across your veins. But now standing in Dean’s room trying to figure out where to lay or stand that would invoke images of sensuality. You look down at your bare feet toes wiggling against cold concrete. Up wards to thick jeans clad thighs, a baby blue tank top covering your torso, self consciousness went out the window decades ago. After the first serious injuries you suffered at the hands of a vengeful spirit had you damn near stripped naked in front of Dean. Confidence in face of adversity knowing he’s the only one for miles around to patch you up.
Now though is different, same confidence but wishing for sexier clothing something to entice and tease. Small snort issues from the depths of your body knowing damn well you had nothing of the sort in your possession. Flannels, tank tops, t-shirts and jeans hunter’s required staples along with the functional under garments you groan at remembering are mismatched at the present.
“Beautiful even in those rumpled clothing,” deep voice breaking through thoughts and making a squeak sound as you quickly turn to face the lazily leaning against the door jam hunter. Arms crossed over muscular chest, biceps straining the black t-shirt’s sleeves, “I meant what I said before Sammy interrupted us.”
Tugging your bottom lip back under indented top teeth turning to face him fully, “Which part?” Barely keeping the mirth from bubbling over, “That I should show you the way home or you have a big dill?” Easy going banter calming your nerves even the part about feeling ill-prepared clothing wise.
Tender infused whiskey fleck green eyes turn molten with each sweep of your body. “I love you,” words escape as eyes stay locked, Dean pushing away from the doorway. Booted foot catching the hardwood door and slamming it shut behind him. Stocking towards you as a lion would his prey, licking parched lips wanting to devour you. Hands fisting at his side though to keep from reaching out and doing just that incase it’s something your not ready for.
His breath froze upon seeing you walking around his room, something akin to relief floods his veins along with a sense of rightness. Sure you’ve come in hundreds of times to wake him from a nightmare or mornings, to barrow music and to talk. Yet, this time feels different giving your relationship changed moments ago. Catching the indecision clearly written in those beloved eyes that don’t focus on one place too long. For a moment Dean wishes he could read your thoughts but then having hunted and lived together for decades he picked up the situation and cues without having to know your thoughts.
Pleased hum breaks Dean from the wondering trail his thoughts took him on to spy the sweet smile gracing your lips. Hands positioned on your hips one cocked to the side as you stand there waiting expectedly. Restraining himself, Dean opens his palms to bring them up and cup your cheeks dragging you against him. Lips meeting in the tenderest of kisses that he keeps in place while speaking, “You want this, want me?”
Recognizing his vulnerability and what he’s asking with those simple words, arms wrap around his back fisting the shirt tightly to press the two of you together. Love saturated eyes burn into those greens you could drown in, “That’s my question Winchester stop stealing my lines.” Flattening one palm to slide up and into his hair. Pressing another kiss to his soft lips you’ve only imaged kissing till now. The reality so much better than any fantasy you ever came up with.
“Calling me a thief now sweetheart?” Using jokes to cover the fact he’s searching for the right words. Flustered and frustration slither through his veins in a combination Dean’s not accustom, words stammering of unintelligible nature tumble from his mouth. The feel of your blunt nails sending pleasurable shivers down his spine.
Nodding, craning your neck back a few inches but keeping your eyes locked, “You stole my lines and my heart Dean so yes that would make you a thief.” Hand sliding over his back now and settling into the back pocket of his jeans, “I also meant what I said back there.” Catching the cocked brow you elaborate, “Take me to bed Dean I’m tired of waiting, I want to know how it feels to have you inside me.”
Soft groan issues from parted lips. Wanting to act on your words so damn badly his body vibrates with barely contained desire. Forehead coming to rest against yours, strong hands sliding too loosely wrap around and caress your neck. “You know I’m not great at relationships. I could seriously fuck things up.”
“I know but then so could I,” any doubts or insecurities evaporating into the ether with every look.
Callused fingers brush over your bare shoulders sending sensual shivers cascading down your body. Rubbing your thighs together for added friction with the heated look Dean’s fixing you with. Boosting your confidence to step back his hands drop to the side as you own pinch at the hem of your tank top. Slowly pulling it from your body, letting it drop with a barely heard whisper.
“Fucking hell sweetheart,” resolve snapping, reaching for your hips and tugging you back against him harder than intended. Lips sealing quickly to swallow the gasp existed parted lips Dean takes advantage of and slips his tongue inside the warm cavern of your mouth.
There’s nothing gentle about this kiss, it’s all teeth and tongues, fighting desperately for dominance. Pulling groans from the depths of Dean’s soul as he pulls whimpers and moans from your own. Till air becomes needed though it doesn’t stop your mouth from trailing a hot path across his stubbled jaw. Nibbling towards that little patch behind his ear to flick the tip of your tongue against. Smirking at the shutter rolling through his body, fingers dancing a rhythm over his shirt covered torso. Hem reached you tug twice to which he nods reaching behind him grasping and pulling the garment off to join yours.
Hands, palms flat immediately going to ghost over his rippling tummy. Muscle covered soften causing all moisture to pool south, clit throbbing almost painfully. Sure you’ve seen him bare chested before this time it’s different. For pleasure instead of patching him up. Drawing desired groans rather than pain filled. “I know Sam would abject but I so wouldn’t mind seeing you walk around shirtless.”
Full belly chuckle leaves Dean’s lips, “Sweetheart don’t talk about other men right now especially not my brother.” Possessive hands landing on your naked plush waist, fingers spanning the distance and gripping the flesh in his palm. Dreams having nothing on the real woman in his palms.
“Just stating facts sir nothing more,” trailing your fingers over the slightly hair roughen skin. Brushing pebbled nipples from the cool air and your proximity. Reserving a gasp when you lean forward to lap with the tip of our tongue and nip at the peaked point. Glancing to lock eyes as you switch and give the same attention to its twin giving the same attention getting a hiss from your actions. Dragging you lips upward to trace his tattoo with kisses.
Molten green eyes drinking in the sight of your lips on his skin, shooting desire straight to his cock. Throbbing need demanding attention no matter how good your soft lips feel against his body. “Baby girl,” groaning at the nip you place, eyes close to compose himself. Flying open as air cool brushes his skin inside of the shared heat of both your bodies. Mesmerized by the way you reach back to unclasp your bra, pushing your lushes breasts out teasing his vision, salivating for a taste of your skin.
He steps forward crowding into your space backing you into the bed till the back of your calves hit the edge. Wrapping his arms around your plush form to brush hands away and do the task himself. Finger tips skimming the edges of both straps till reaching the top at your shoulders and drawing them down. Keeping his eyes locked with yours while pulling the garment from your pliant body tossing it behind him. Eyes flicking down on a groan, licking his dry lips at the beauty displayed for his ravenous gaze.
“Lay down for me sweetheart,” meeting your lust blown orbs with his own. “I wanna see you in my bed,” biting off a whimper when you drop onto the edge. Bountiful breasts bouncing teasingly as he watches you slide backwards towards the head board. Hands going to the button of your jeans, low growl pausing your nimble fingers. “That’s for me to do baby girl, just,” swallowing harshly as he looks you over. Partially naked spread out over his bed picture perfect memory for those times when the darkness tries to steal this happiness. “Give me a moment to drink you in.” Unable to decide where to look first, “So fucking gorgeous.” Toeing off his boots, hands going to his own jeans your shaking head pausing the movements.
“I get the same pleasure,” licking your lips slowly while raising up on your elbows. Beckoning him with two crooked fingers, hand resting with the palms up beside your plush body, “Get up here before I get impatience and take matters into my own hands.”
Declaration making him pause a moment low growl rumbling from deep with in his chest. As desire blown green meet yours, smirk gracing his handsome features. One knee comes to rest on the mattress Dean leans forward keeping eyes locked while pressing a kiss to your ankle. Grinning, feeling the quiver that runs through your body. “You wouldn’t dare sweetheart,” adding his other knee to spread your legs and slowly fit his body between.
“Shall we make a bet Winchester?” Using your free foot to brushing the nearest thigh with the flat. Sliding towards the very noticeable bulge busting the seams of his jeans, toes teasing the thick ridge before pressing the flat of your foot against him. Rubbing the length slowly pleased when a growl echos the room.
Grabbing that foot tickling the pad enjoying the way you squirm and giggle. Taking the opportunity to move fully between your legs. “About that bet hum,” fingertips drawing an invisible path of fire down the middle your body. Bracing then both arms on either side of your shoulders hovering over you, warm breath fanning out over your cheek he nuzzles with stubbled chin. Pulling a whimper from your gasping lips.
Of there own accord, your hands slide up the strength of his arms and biceps to clasping fingers together around the back of his neck. Left leg draped over his waist to pull him against your pelvis, breathless moan parting your lips at the contact of his hard length pressing into your dripping center. “I don’t want slow or gentle Dean,” head tipping back to give access to his questing lips that find your wildly thumping pulse, sucking a mark into the soft skin. “We have all night for that I just…” words caught upon seeing whiskey flecked green eyes dilated almost pitch with desire. Cheshire Cat grin tugging kiss swollen lips upward.
“Just what sweetheart?” Humming, brushing your lips together before returning to his last spot. One hand dragging over your soft body cupping the generous globe massaging gently feeling the nipple peak against his palm. Teasingly circling the stiff nub with the tip of his index finger before giving a sharp pinch and making you gasp out. Back arching at the pleasurable pain skittering across your veins.
Grasping what’s left of your mind to try and form coherent words, body responding instead pressing your chest into his large hand. Nails score down his back, one completing the journey to give his ass a tight squeeze. As the other detours to between your intimately pressed body. Happy to find enough space to slot your palm against his erection, cupping his throbbing length and giving short little strokes. Smile blooming with a breathless groan against your collarbone where Dean’s forehead currently rests. Nimble fingers pop the small metal disk, pulling the zipper tab down to slip the hand inside. Warmth enveloping palm feeling him twitch has you slowly licking your lips at the mire thought of getting to taste him.
“You’re killing me Y/N,” rutting his hips into your hand, mouth coming back to claim yours in a punishingly bruising kill. Tangling your tongues together, nipping a little harder on your bottom lip than meaning to but the accompanying moan flows straight to his cock. Making him twitch against your palm that has slowed with the distraction of the kiss.
Breaking for air, panting while trying to form and speak the right words, “We’re both a little over dressed Dean.” Pulling your hand from the tight confines of his jeans, using the one at his ass to help pull them and his boxers down only stopping when you couldn’t reach anything passed his knees. Sigh of relief exists his parted lips making you giggle and press a kiss to his chin. “Feel better?” Bottom lip trapped and nibbled on as your fingers brush his length. Finding your fingers barely wrap around the girth while to stroke, palm sliding over precum leaking head. Hips thrust forward at the sensations tingling down his back gathering low in his belly.
“Now who’s over dressed?” Mumbling the words against your skin. Dean regretfully brushes your hand aside grinning at the annoyed huff that leaves your lips. “Ah sweetheart put that sexy pout away you’ll get a chance to taste me soon enough. Cause if you keep using that soft hand on my cock I’ll cum faster than I want.”
His words presenting so many thoughts to run through your mind only cut off when wet warm heat engulfs your right nipple. Tongue flicking quickly over taut peak, blunt teeth nipping then soothing over with the tip of his tongue. Switching to the twin leaving both sloppy wet and tight, gleaming in the low light of his room. Worshipping at the temple of your body with kisses pressed into your tummy, running scared callused hands over your skin in silent reverence. Eyes taking in very inch Dean sits back on his knees between your parted legs. Tracing his knuckles along the seam of your jeans covered cunt, making you jolt against him.
Pausing to strip your jeans and panties from your body, tossing them and kicking his own off to land somewhere on the floor. Raising up on elbows to finally get a chance to look at him in all his naked glory. Tracing each divot of scars over a broad chest, passing over the middle to admire thick bowed legs spread wide. Lips licked slowly upon landing on his ridge cock, slightly curved and resting against his lower belly. Palm itching for a touch, mouth watering for that taste. “You’re beautiful Dean,” words whispered so low your unsure if he’s really heard them.
Heat blooms over his cheeks at your admission, looking your fill of his adonis body. Dean returns the admiration. Tracing the features of your beloved face, staring a little too long at your heaving breasts, soft tummy he wants to nibble on at some point. Thick thighs he can’t wait to have wrapped around his waist once he’s buried deep inside your wet heat. The very though has his eyes dropping between your parted legs, glistening folds beckoning him forward. Caught in that tempting trance, Dean slides back between your legs. Brushing his lips just above your mound and receiving a whimper from you. Locking eyes, “I think you got that backwards sweetheart, it’s you who’s beautiful.” Dipping to run the thick flat of his tongue through your folds, humming at the tangy sweetness exploding over his taste buds.
Hips cantering against his mouth, your own letting a deep moan free as one hand slides down to card through his short brown locks. Tugging the strands getting a groan to vibrate against your cunt while his talented tongue dances through your soaked folds. Torturing your clit with ghosted touches, one arm wraps around our thigh spreading you open. As the other slips a finger inside your wet channel, finding you squeezing and tight, garnering a deep groan of arousal from the man between your lips.
“Dean,” voice wrecked and he’s barely touched you. When he doesn’t answer or budge from his sensual assault on your cunt. Lips having formed a perfect O around your clit, tongue flicking kitten licks to the tiny nerve filled nub. Pleased with he whimpers and whines that filter through his desire filled mind.
Resulting in you tugging on his hair harder, back arching as a small shock rocks through your body, tingling your belly when he bites carefully on your clit. “Dean please,” eyes rolling back into your head at the added second finger. Crooked and pressing into the little spongy spot you’ve never had anyone touch. Ripping a half scream from the hidden depths of your soul.
Smug smirk tugging over slick wet lips, stubbled chin coming to rest just above your mound. Watching as you heave a breath, breasts catching his eyes for a moment till you tug again. Fingers anything but still as they thrust and scissor you open, working you carefully to fit his slightly above average length not wanting to hurt you. “Yes sweetheart?” Licking his lips from your slick.
Free hand coming up to cover your heated face, “Don’t sound so smug,” gasping the last word when his thumb brushes over your clit making you jump and wither. Heat spreading from that special spot in your belly, where the tight coil starts to wind higher. Thick thighs tremble with each sensation Dean draws out of you. “Need you, please, please.”
Caressing your quivering walls with the gun callused pads of his fingers, massaging your clit as you plead. Breath chocked out on another moan, chest heavy, heat coating your skin as you wither under him. “Ah but I can’t help myself sweetheart you don’t know what seeing you like this does to me.”
Gathering what little strength you have in your limbs to reach down and cup his cheeks, thumbs brushing over the skin under his eyes. “Why don’t you get up here and show me Dean?” Voice wreaked yet a tender undertone rides through the cadence.
Pressing a single kiss to the pulsing little clit, giving once last flick making your squirm and Dean to chuckle. Slowly pulling his fingers out, stroking twice more your hips chasing the indescribable ecstasy winding its way through your veins. Only to have the tingles dance slower, the coil start to unwind as frustrated huff leaving your gasping lips.
Taking advantage to plunder your mouth, greedy for a sample of the wet cavern and a tongue tango that draws out a sharp moan of need. Especially tasting your tangy sweetness from his lips, sucking the bottom between your teeth to nibble. While reaching blindly over to the nightstand, damn near yanking the whole draw on the ground in his haste. “Give me a sec woman,” huffing out he rolls slightly off you. The noise drawing a giggle out causing him too stiffen, glancing back with a playful glare to refocus on finding his prize.
Using the opportunity to nose the thick column of his neck, taking in the scent of whiskey, leather and motor oil, peppered now with sex and sweat. Addicting and unable to help yourself from sink your teeth into his skin gently but hard enough to leave a small soon to purple mark. Soothing over with the flat of your tongue catching sight of the pause your actions caused. The aroused moan that leaves his lips, head resting on the bed to try and gather himself from your onslaught.
“Something wrong Dean?” Nipping just below his jaw, tracing your fingers along his side. Index finger swirling through the spares, crisp hairs leading a path to what you’ve craved to have inside you for a long time. Nimble fingers surround the base forming a perfect circle that can’t close but tightens. Stroking his length teasingly slow. In return receiving a warning growl — the sound devastating your senses making you throb — from the man currently fishing for a condom and growing frustrated when his fingers come up empty. “Shall I stop my love? Am I distracting you?” Whispered words breathed into his ear, lips kissing the shell. Knowing damn well just how tormenting you are to his senes and body. If his twitching cock your hand currently wrapping around stroking and the shallow breaths are any indication.
“Ha,” triumphant shout of accomplishment, Dean rolls back over you pressing bodies together and into the mattress. “Now where were we?” Flashing that teasing smirk with a hard rutting of his hips against your dripping core and tight fisted hand.
“What to you so long stud?” Biting back the giggles when he fixes you with a scowl.
Breath hissing out through clinched teeth when taking your hand off his cock, bringing those wickedly wonderful fingers to his lips and sucking on each one with a short nibble. Placing the open condom pack in your palm, “Do the honors sweetheart.”
Curling your fingers around the little foil packet, pressing your other hand into the back of his neck drawing Dean in for a tender kiss. Slow meld of your lips, light sips of your warm mouths. Tenderly tugging his bottom lip, to slide your tongue over the bruised skin and into his mouth. Licking and touring the heated cavern, seeking out ways to make his moan and grunt. A moment of forgetfulness while mapping his tonsils and sucking on his tongue, till you break for air. Chasing his mouth for more kisses only to receive a chuckle instead.
Eyes open to spear him with a heated look, foil packet crinkling in your hand a remind of your mission. Slipping fingers from his soft hair, to trace over his body, joining its partner between the two of your heaving bodies. Unlocking your eyes to glance down, hand wrapping back around his thick shaft to stroke twice getting a needy moan from the man above you. Before teasingly rolling the condom on paying special attention to the thick pulsing vein on the underside, mouth watering at the thoughts of getting to taste it later.
Dean grasps one of your hips to bring the leg around his waist, opening you up and feeling your soft skin under his palm. Sliding between your bodies to entwine his fingers with your, pumping his cock together. Different sounds, a hiss from Dean and a moan from you exists on shuttering breaths. Eyes reattach both blown with desire and coated in need, you notch the head of his cock at your entrance pressing the heel of your foot into the small of his back to urge him forward.
Teeth clamping to draw blood from your bottom lip but also to keep from screaming out in pleasure as he slowly sinks inside your quivering depths. Reaching up with his other hand to free your bruised lip, brushing the pad of his thumb over the glistening skin. “I wanna hear you sweetheart don’t hold back.”
“What about Sam?” Breath hitching, mouth hanging open on a moan that’s trapped on the edge of a scream when he bottoms out against you. Bodies flush, joined hands now resting above your head where Dean’s placed them.
Leaning in to press open mouth kisses to your lips and neck letting you adjust to his size, the exquisite stretch thumps through your veins the slight sting only heightening the pleasure. “Never mention his name while we’re in bed sweetheart,” snagging the lobe of your ear with his teeth. Pleased when you nod speechless, though not enough, “Words baby girl I wanna hear that prefect voice of yours.”
Swallowing trying to form words to answer, scoring your nails down his back an impatience mewling whimper leaves instead. Using the leg not wrapped around Dean’s waist as leverage to plant and push your hips up against him. Squeezing your walls tightly around his shaft drawing out a grunt from his lips. “Dean…” going to say more but he chooses that moment to pull out till just the crown rested inside your pulsing channel. “Just you…” hips snapping forward to fill you quickly stealing those words into a loud scream of ecstasy.
Starting a hard punishing rhythm, repeatedly waiting till your fixing to speak and either pulling out or trusting home. Always taking away what your going to say. Knowing your trapped between frustration and pleasure, Dean captures your mouth in another deep kiss. While his hips snap against yours, wrapping the other leg around his waist to angle you differently. Pressing your intertwined hands into the pillow beside your head and breaking the bruising kiss to gulp a lung full of air into both your burning lungs.
Feeling your walls start to quiver around his hammering cock, knowing by the pinched look on your countenance, the quivering of your thick thighs clutching at his trim waist. Heels pressing into the small of his back drawing him forward with quickened strokes that he’s shortened from the long deep thrusts. Notching your legs higher on his waist to press forward, curling his pelvis into your core, determined to make you cum first. Wanting to feel you soak his cock, see the looks of pleasure dance across your features.
Sliding his fingers through your soaked folds to find your pearl pulsing, pressing the pad of his thumb circling to make a gasp fly from your lips. Back arching, tingles no longer gentle but tap dancing a rhythm through your veins. Dean’s name a chant from your dry, parched lips, panting to try and fill your starving lungs. Body vibrating on a higher frequency only Dean’s turned in on as with every snap of his hips, brush of his thumb sends your spiraling deeper into euphoria.
Reaching up to wrap your hand around his neck to bring him back down for another kiss. This one sloppy as the thrusts of Dean’s hips, brief touches of lips, wet slide of your tongues across the other. Eyes sliding closed only to snap back open with a pinch to your nipple soothed over my his teasing fingers.
“Keep those beautiful eyes open for me sweetheart and cum for me I know your close. You just gotta let go for me,” resting your foreheads together, gritting his teeth to starve off his own orgasm. The wet clinch almost too much for Dean to handle. Always wondering but never imagining how good this truly would feel.
“Dean,” breathing out his name, a series of moans and whimpers following. Trying to capture his mouth for another kiss that’s broken off when your orgasm slams into you soaking Dean’s cock in your slick. Eyes rolling back his name a screamed prayer from your lips.
Body convulsing in pleasurable all consuming fire, little sparks of light pin prick behind your tightly closed eyes. Moisture breath fans out over your neck where Dean buries his face, lips pressing into your skin. Chasing that high while working you through your orgasm the wet clinch of your walls prove too much to starve off any long. Giving in with a groan of your name rubbed into your skin as he fills the condom. Circling his hips a few more times to drag out the pleasurable spikes racking his frame.
Collapsing into your arms a welcome weight pressing you into the mattress as you both try to capture your breath. He brings your joined hands down starting to untwine them but the shake of your head stops the actions.
“For a few moments longer,” voice hoarse from screaming out your pleasure. Free hand coming up to card through his sweat drenched hair. Brushing the strands back from his forehead and sliding your lips over his. Brief touches, lingering into something deeper. Tender caresses of mouth’s, nibbling, and sucking softly on bruised skin. Dean starts to move getting a whimpered whine from your throat tightening your arms around him.
“Gotta clear you up sweetheart I’m not going anywhere,” reassuring you with another soft kiss while carefully pulling out of your tender depths. Mesmerized by the slick coating your tights and dripping from your convulsing walls. Brushing his fingers over the reddening swollen skin, gasp reaching his ears, eyes flying up to yours. Then flicking across your body seeing the beard burn on your neck and chest, hand prints blooming over your hips. “Did I hurt you?”
Sitting up to cup his cheeks, “No Dean you didn’t hurt me. If you had I would’ve told you.” Leaning in to kiss him tendering, “Better take care of that mess it’ll get awful sticky otherwise,” giving him a bright smile. Watching while he gingerly takes the spent condom off, tying it closed before tossing it into the waste bin by the night stand.
Raising to walk on shaky bowed legs to grab up the wash cloth from the sink. Wetting with warm water he turns back stunned to find you watching him with a grin on your lips. “Like what you see?”
“Hmm no,” seeing the frown you go to finish. “Love Dean, I see the man I love,” frown switching to teasing smirk as he nears the bed.
Nudging you to lay back and spread your legs, tenderly wiping you clean. Dragging the warm cloth over your folds and inner thighs. Tossing it behind him to crawl into bed gathering your pliant plush body against his hard chest. Back pressed into his front, arms wrapped tightly around your thick waist. Placing a kiss to your shoulder, “I love to you Y/N, get some rest I’m far from through with you.”
Soft giggles vibrate into his chest, “Careful you’re getting old baby you sure you’ll have the stamina?” Toying with the fingers tapping against your tummy sending shivers cross your body.
Low growl accompanies the drag of his teeth over your sensitive skin, drawing a moan from your lips. Pressing his hips into your generous ass, “Give me an hour sweetheart and I’ll show you just how much stamina your man has.”
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cockleshq · 3 years
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Cockles HQ Weekly #2: The Prequel
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A lot later than expected because of the chaos that ensued over the last two weeks 😅 , but here nonetheless!
For privacy reasons, the names of our members are left out. The answers are based on personal opinions. We do not ask our members or the people who read this to agree or disagree. Take from it what you find useful or enjoy. Please be respectful of opinions given.
For this second edition of ‘The Weekly’ we asked our members the following:
What is you opinion on CMP's prequel 'The Winchesters'?
(Keep in mind, these answers were given shortly after the news dropped)
Read the answers below the break.
Anonymous 1:
I'm pretty much cautiously positive about it. I'm cautious about the possibility that they might pull a Disney villain and redeem John Winchester, but hoping that since John changed after Mary died, they will show his spiral down and his abusive behavior towards his sons. On the other hand, I'm excited for a story centered on Mary because she was this mysterious figure in the boys' lives. I dislike that they always use a dead mom or significant female other to forward the story but now we get to see her side of the story, and how badass she would be especially with Robbie on the ride. Then moving forward with it, the possibility of CMP getting the rights for SPN to make true to Wayward Sisters! Now that I'm excited as well. In addition, the possibilities are endless, both good and bad. This could expand the original world! More mysteries and such too! Take in other culture's myths and urban legends because America is an immigrant nation. That would be very cool. Oh! And since the production made a point that they have a LGBTQIA+ activist on the board, this could turn into a more diverse cast and crew and I am living for it!
Anonymous 2:
I'm optimistic. I'm here for anything that expands that universe. I can also understand the speculative reasons as to why this was chosen before anything else. I'm excited for what it'll be able to show us, more history regarding this family. We've never really gotten that. We've only ever had post-pilot John/memories and current-Mary. We had brief glimpses into the past, into the Campbells as well, but nothing truly substantial. I also trust the team behind it. Robbie Thompson was an excellent writer who gave us two very beloved characters who were also badasses and women. He's written very strong episodes, some of this fandom's favorites. He's written John critical lines. Not only that, but he had to watch them gut Charlie like a fish and leave her to die in the tub. He wasn't around when Eileen was killed but still. The thing that gets me is that there are clearly meetings we don't know about, will probably not know about, where Thompson, Dee, and Jensen were all talking about the vision and whatever it was, whatever the story premise is, it was enough for Robbie to come back on board into this universe that didn't treat his characters kindly. To me, that's one of the biggest flags of positivity. I'm also excited because a new show in the same universe provides more canon to use in other shows like Wayward Sisters or a continuation. What if there's a hidden spell for something, what if there's a lore book that hasn't been found yet? What if there's a demon we've never met yet or better, we HAVE met and looks like they also crossed paths with Mary and John? I know there's criticism regarding the fact that John and Mary were set up — there's nothing in the premise that suggests they won't be also exploring that as well. This show also has the potential for us to see other beloved characters like Rowena, Crowley, Balthazar, Gabriel, Anna and Cas by Time Travel, Uriel, Zachariah, a young Bobby maybe before hunting, a younger Rufus — Chuck???? So I think it's really just another world of possibilities. It also excites me that this small production company is given a SPN project right off the bat. It's testing time, it's time to explore and see what can be done and what can be brought to the table. Something to get to the holy grail of a reboot/continuation. Dean seemingly narrating it provides so many interesting questions as well. What's he narrating? Where did he hear these stories? Who is he telling them to? It's FASCINATING. Plus it'll just be nice to hear him again. I think this prequel has a lot of possibilities. And let it be known that CMP is seemingly taking a hard stance on including LGBTQAI stories since the same day as this announcement, their Head of Development - Renee Reiff - was announced to have joined a group in Hollywood whose sole aim is to help being LGBTQAI stories to light. It's not lost on me that telling queer stories is one of CMP's established pillars. Yes, I know there's doubts with the CW — but I'm also a big fan of "not judging something until I can watch the whole thing with my own two eyes and process what I'm given".
Anonymous 3:
I wasn't completely on board with the prequel until I saw Robbie Thompson was involved. I trust Robbie with SPN, and so I trust Dee and Jensen for having the wisdom to bring him back into the fold.
Anonymous 4:
I don't like the prequel pitch. And it's fine. There is a lot of reasons not to like it. Every one of us, less-than-enthusiastic fandom members, have theirs. Some of us may become more optimistic with time. Some may read other people points about why it's a good pitch and may change their minds. Still, some, like me, can remain unconvinced. CMP made a really risky move with deciding they want to make a prequel, about those characters, in this time period and about this story. I, for example, am terrified about wrecking or retconning already solidified canon. I don't like the idea of a teenage love story drama. I don't think narrators fit silver screen, for me, they should stay in the written form. I don't like experiments with form. I'm afraid it's going to be either extremely boring or just John's part boring. Or that they will go on with some cameos that make no sense story-wise, but appeal to the fans. Or that we will have another "amnesia trick" just to justify why John doesn't know about the supernatural later on. Also, I don't like either Mary or John, personality-wise. There is a lot of things that may go wrong. There is many things they can do wrong. But for now, it's all that... "a pitch", "can", "may". We know almost nothing about it. It doesn't sound good, but it's not there yet. Let's raise our concerns but at the same time, let's wait and see. Jensen, Danneel and Robbie decided to take on a big challenge, but they can surprise us and actually deliver something better than what we imagine now.(edited)
Anonymous 5:
I’m excited for the Prequel. I trust Jensen, Dee, and Robbie. I know that all of the people to blame for the trash fire finale are not involved (and that may include Jared) and I know that Jensen knows Dean more than anyone else and he cares so much for him and Supernatural as a whole. He has spoken on John in a way that demonstrates he knows he was a shitty abusive father as has lines written by Robbie expressed that. I don’t believe for a second that Renee Reiff or Danneel would be happy to just promote heteronormativity either. We don’t know what they have planned. We don’t know beyond the barest of bones for the concept. I really want to see where it goes.
Anonymous 6:
I agree with so many others that John Winchester is not a character I have any interest in learning more about. If you take everything we know about him from the entire canon of the show, he is a very unlikable person. If the show moves forward, I think that there is only one way to view this to go into it with a somewhat open mind. What I will do is to focus on Matt Cohen's version of John. That version of John was not abusive or neglectful of his children. So if the show gets a greenlight to be made, I will rewatch Matt's episodes, and think about the fact that I am going to be learning more about that guy, and that guy only.
Anonymous 7:
I’m personally excited for the prequel despite and maybe even a little because of the premise. I mean, I don’t support child abuse anymore than I support serial killers, but I still watched Psycho. I think there’s a lot of potential to develop complex and layered characters when they’re extremely flawed. John Winchester isn’t exactly Father of the year but he didn’t set out to be what he became, and I think seeing his descent makes for a compelling idea; consider Walter White in Breaking Bad for example. And honestly, I think if we as a fandom can forgive Rowena for literally attempting to kill her son on multiple occasions, admitting to never loving him, and basically neglecting him as a kid, we can at least give the prequel a chance. Also, I need to know what the hell happened to John’s mother, cause they really just glossed over that in the series.
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As all of you probably already know, Jared had a solo virtual panel last Sunday (on the 22nd). If by chance you haven’t seen it I highly recommend checking it out, as always I will be linking to it at the end of the post. For anyone curious, he did talk a bit about the final episode of Supernatural and about Sam’s ending. 
Y’all know the drill so let’s just jump into my thoughts:
- I’m still not used to seeing him with his new short hair, and I love his longer hair so I hope he grows it out again someday, but it looks so good on him! It makes him look younger and so cute 😍
- Speaking of his hair, he’s not used to it either! He was asking for hair advice at the beginning of the panel because he doesn’t know how to manage it yet 😂 
- He was asked what his 3 favorite episodes are and he said: the finale, Sacrifice and French Mistake. The Finale because he is a fan of storytelling and for him the finale answered a lot of questions and wrapped things up in a way that he found meaningful, poignant, and frustrating but in a wonderful way, Sacrifice because it’s another episode were we really get to see inside the boys and see their commitment to each other, and French Mistake because it was fun and it really stands out in his mind as an hour of tv that he doesn’t know if any other show could do. 
- He said Sam and Cordell Walker would be friends, I’m soft 🥺
- Was asked his fav HP book, movie and spell. Book and movie are pretty much the same: Deathly Hallows, pt 2 in the case of the movie. Spell he said Expecto Patronum...then he said Sam and Dean were each other’s patronus...because when Sam was in trouble Dean was there and when Dean was in trouble Sam was there...I’m fine.... JARED PADALECKI WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
- I didn’t even have time to come down from those feels cause right afterwards he was asked his craziest, funniest bts moment he had on spn through all the years, and he gave two examples: when he was waiting for Tom to be born and when he and Jensen were waiting for the twins to be born.
I was not ready for this man to go into a full blown story about the day the twins were born. If you hear screaming, it's me losing my mind.
So, he mentions how when Tom was to be born he was anxiously waiting for G to message him and how after she did they filmed a couple more scenes before Clif drove him to Seattle. And he says that it was the same when Jensen’s twins were to be born, that everyone was glued to their phones and that it was a bit farther travel because D had the twins in Austin and so and I quote “we had to go way far away”. Then he told the story about how Jensen left his passport behind- I think this might be the first time we’ve heard Jared tell this story cause we’ve heard it from Jensen but I can’t recall Jared telling it by himself but basically for those that don't know the story goes that the day before D was to go to the hospital to have the twins, the boys were filming and Jared asked Jensen if he had his passport and according to Jared Jensen was all “I’m not the one who forgets things, of course I do” so Jared asked him as a favor that the next time they went to their trailers he just touch his passport, so they keep working and when they get a break they go to their trailers and when they meet back up...turns out Jared was right, Jensen did not have his passport.
They had been attending cons so he had left it in another bag thinking he was going to be taking that bag with him, which he didn’t, so they were stuck in Canada. Thankfully, they have friends who work in the Austin PD so they contacted them and they were able to help them deal with customs and immigration and everything, and Richard Speight who was directing the episode they were filming at the time was able to wrap up with them so it was hectic but they were able to get home in time which btw is exactly how he puts it “it was a pretty hectic moment but we got home in time.” 
There’s just something about him telling this story completely unprompted, and the way he tells it, and the look on his face as he’s telling it, and that he says it was a happy ending, and the “we got home in time” like you can just tell this was an important moment for him. And not important in the way of it’s important to him because of his friend or that his friend be there on time, no, no, it was important to him that they both be there, it was important to him that they both be home. Like, hearing him tell it you can tell that wasn’t a hectic moment for Jensen only, it was for him as well; and him mentioning the twins being born along with his first born it just gives me all the feels. (Timestamp)
- Moving on, when talking about how his acting career got started, he got up to get a Teen Choice surfboard he had won a couple years ago and we got a very nice glimpse of padabooty. I was staring appropriately 🍑👀
- He was asked by a fan from Puerto Rico (Puerto Rico! 🇵🇷) which country Sam and Dean would like to visit on vacation, and he said Puerto Rico!!!!!!! 😭 He said if Sam and Dean could have found a demon or something on the island they would have been here in a snap- Jared baby we got ghosts, aliens, el chupacabra they could have found something 😂 Not gonna lie every time he said Puerto Rico I squealed a little 💓
- He shared that there were some ad libs in the finale, and unsurprisingly they were the best scenes; there was some ad libbing in the barn scene when Dean dies and the boys greeting to each other in Heaven was also ad libbed. Bless this boy for trying to give Dabb and Singer credit but the little additions, the meaningful ones that had thought put into it, that called back to the Pilot they were all the boys and really by the sound of it mostly Jared. Like, even Sam’s son telling Sam it was okay for him to die like Sam said to Dean in the barn was Jared’s idea. 
Also this fucking softy, he started thinking about Dean’s death scene while answering this question and he got all emotional and misty eyed 😭
- Another Easter egg that the boys were the ones who added, was Sam keeping Dean’s watch, him and Jensen thought it would be something Sam would have kept and worn. 
When talking about that Easter egg he said him and Jensen are big watch fans, I don’t know why I found that so cute.
- He was asked his feelings towards Sam’s ending, and he said he had about a year and a half to think about it cause he had obviously found out way before we did, and that at first it was a little jarring and abrupt but then he says how would you feel about anybody’s ending? and that if you were told how you’re gonna pass whether you’d ever be okay with it so for him no matter how Sam ended it would have been difficult for him to wrap his head around, but once he did digest and spend over a year with it he, personally, feels it was the best way to tell Sam’s story and that Sam tried to live his life the way Dean would have wanted him too; he said that he’s passionate about Sam’s ending being appropriate and Sam got the ending Dean fought for so for him he’s as happy as he can be with Sam’s ending. (Timestamp)
So....here’s the thing, I’m happy that he’s happy with how Sam’s story ended but- I don’t know, y’all know I have my issues with the finale and Sam’s ending is one of the big ones so it’s probably my own issues coloring my view of this but it sounds like while he’s happy with the ending Sam got maybe it’s not the ending he would have wanted and like much like Jensen he too had his struggles with the ending like it sounds like a mild version of what Jensen has mentioned: he struggled with the ending at first but then after a year of thinking about it he accepted it and finds that he’s as okay as he’s going to be with it and it’s an ending that’s still appropriate to the character so he's happy with it. But like I said, I have my own issues with the end and that’s probably coloring my view. 
- He was asked about props that he kept and he shared that Jason, his stand in on the show made him and Jensen a very sweet gift. On the final day of filming he got two picture frames and made copies of the boys last call sheet, and framed them along with their tape marks. 
- When talking about what it’s like to be both an actor and producer now for Walker he mentioned how he and Jensen sort of became, especially in the later years, creative producers on the set of spn even though they didn’t have the title. I will, forever remain, of the opinion that they should have been named or given producer credits for this show and that they deserved a proper seat at the table. Honestly, the writers of this show had no idea the treasures that they had with these men.
- He was asked script changes due to covid and he said the biggest change he knows of is that originally they were going to bring back a lot of the cast to be in a scene or two in Heaven. But he also says that maybe it ended up the way it should and that it was pretty magical storytelling that it all came full circle to being about the boys because it was always about Sam and Dean. 
And I agree, it worked out for the best because I’m telling y’all I know it in my gut that if it hadn’t been for covid restrictions that ending would have been a carousel of characters and wouldn’t have been nearly as impactful or brother centered as it turned out to be. 
He also once again mentioned getting everyone together for a reboot in a couple years, I'm telling y'all I wouldn't be surprised if there was a reboot in a couple years. But I hope they don’t bring back everyone if there is one...🙃
- Because he's not done attacking me he said that Sam's Heaven is mostly Dean 😭
Another thing that was Jared's idea was having Sam dressed as close as possible to how he was in the Pilot because to him Sam's happiest moment was getting back on the road with his brother 😭
- He said he and Jensen will definitely work together again! He hopes sooner rather than later, and said that Jensen has a standing invitation to do whatever he wants on Walker. He doesn't know if he'll be able to go up to Toronto since he's so busy with Walker but him and Jensen will find something somewhere.
This man has my number, if he's not coming at me with the brother feels he's coming at me with the j2 ones; this made me so happy to hear, I'm not surprised in the slightest but it still made me so happy to hear him say he and Jensen plan to work together again in the future and it's so cute how he said sooner rather than later like he worked with that man for 15yrs you'd think he'd be ready for a break but nope he already wants to work with him again and is looking at his schedule like 'umm what week can I sneak off to Toronto?' ❤
Now, if I may take a moment to be petty and say suck it! to those who thought the end of spn meant the end of j2's relationship.
- The panel ended with him giving some advice for anxiety. He shared that something that has worked for him is accepting it ain't going anywhere but you can learn to live with it.
And that was the panel! Like I said if by chance you haven't seen it I highly reccomend it, it was a great panel, he was all in his brother feels and he was mentioning Jensen left and right, and he looked adorable- honestly, like it just made me happy and gave me a needed cheer up.
Jared Solo Panel November 22nd 2020
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spnfanficpond · 3 years
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Pond Diving - Queen-of-deans-booty
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Welcome to today’s Pond Diving Spotlight! We hope that you enjoy this little insight to our members and perhaps even find some useful tips for your own writing. Happy reading!
Want to volunteer, send us an ask! We’re looking forward to learning more about all of you! Not sure what PD is, you can learn more here.
“Don’t Be Koi About It” - All About You
Name: Jordan
Age: 23
Location: Arizona, USA
URL: @queen-of-deans-booty 
Why did you choose your URL: Honestly, Dean is the first person I liked on SPN and his ass is so tight and I believe all women are queens so that’s why.
What inspired you to become a writer: I remember reading a book in middle school about vampires, and it’s the first book I remember reading that made me feel all sorts of emotions that books never used to do for me before then. It amazed me to feel these things from a book, and I realized that I wanted to do that for other people someday, thus, is why I became a writer.
How long have you been writing: Gosh, since 8th grade. Might have been a little bit before that, but I remember in 8th grade writing a full book at 20k words, which if I might say, is impressive for a thirteen-year-old.
What do you do when you are not writing i.e. Job/Hobbies etc? I actually am a security guard at a chemical plant. There is some down time to this job, and I try to spend it writing. I even gush to my boss about the stories I write and where I post, and he is all for supporting me about it. When I am not working or writing, then I am either watching Criminal Minds, Manifest, and movies while in my room. With this COVID thing going on right now, I barely leave my house as it is xD
How long have you been in the SPN Fandom? Since season 11 was on TV. It was actually after season 11 had ended and before season 12 had started, so in that four-month span, I managed to watch 11 seasons.
Are you in any other fandoms and do you write for them? Yes! I am in the Marvel and Criminal Minds fandom! I used to be in The Vampire Diaries fandom, but I lost my passion for it so I knew my writing was suffering, so I stopped it. I am doing series rewrites for all three of my fandoms along with one-shots and drabbles!
Do you do any writing outside of fanfiction? If so, tell us about it?  Yes, I try to. I took a NaNoWriMo class in college that made me write my first real book, so that is exciting. I also took fiction classes that made me write poems and short stories. I do want to get into writing more original fiction, but right now, I am focusing more on fanfiction.
Favorite published author: I love Riley Sager, B.A. Paris, James Patterson, Ruth Ware, and there are specific books I adore, but they aren’t from the authors I mentioned. I tend to like books rather than authors.
Have you ever read a book that made an impact on your life? Which one and why?: Vampire Kisses by Ellen Schreiber. That's the book that I mentioned about inspiring me to write, and I dedicate my love for writing to her.
Favorite genre of fanfic (smut, angst, fluff, crack, rpf, etc):  I really enjoy reading fluff, but I enjoy writing angst because I feel I can have a lot more emotions and feels when I write angst.
Favorite piece of your own writing:  My SPN series rewrite. I am currently planning season 7, and I am in the process of releasing season 6. I have gotten so many good reviews of it, and that fuels my passion for it.
Most underrated fic you have written: I can’t think of any at the top of my head. I tend not to look back on my own writing too much. I’ll have an overwhelming need to rewrite it and fix it up, and I don’t need that right now xD
Story of yours that you’d most like to see turned into a movie/tv show: Is it bad to say my series rewrite? It’s already a show, but I’d like to see my version of the show. If I can’t pick that, then my original fiction novel that I wrote that has over 70k words. That would be pretty cool.
Favorite Tumblr Writer(s): @impala-dreamer, @torn-and-frayed, @crispychrissy, @kittenofdoomage, @acreativelydifferentlove, @saxxxology, and there are others, but those are some of the people that come to mind.
Favorite fic from another writer: Can I mention a few? Rock, Paper, Scissors by @impala-dreamer, The Curious Incident of Episode 14x09 by @luci-in-trenchcoats, On the Road by @notnaturalanahi, Cherry Surprise by @crispychrissy, A Change of Scenery by @cass-trash, and On the Case Files (Criminal Minds fandom) by @hotchnerfuckmeup​.
Favorite character to write: For Supernatural, it’ll have to be Dean Winchester. For Marvel, it’ll have to be either Loki or Bucky. For Criminal Minds, it’ll have to be Spencer Reid
Favorite Pairing to write: I only write reader-inserts so the characters don’t really matter as long as it’s x reader.
Least favorite character to write (and why): For Supernatural, it’s Crowley. I don’t know why, but I can never seem to get him right. He’s more sadistic and hardcore sometimes and I just can’t get that right.
Do you have anyone you consider a mentor?  I don’t really have anyone right now. It used to be my teachers/professors, but I graduated and I don’t see them anymore.
Do you have any aspirations involving your writing? I want to be a published author. That’s all I want. I want to see my books on the shelves, and I’d also love to be a fiction editor! I can’t do anything right now because of COVID, but hopefully one day!  
How many work-in-progress stories do you have: More than I can count right now. Like seriously, I probably have over 100. I have a bunch of bingo cards that I have ideas for, but I have so many that they all just pile on. There will come a time when I get through all of them, but I don’t know when.
What are you currently working on?  Right now? Some requests and my spn series rewrite.
“Pond Diving” - All About The Writing
What/who has had the biggest influence on your writing? Like I mentioned above, it’s Ellen Schreiber. She is the one person that made me want to become a writer. Also, all my followers on all of my blogs. They are the truest influencers because they are what gives me passion for my writing.
Best writing advice you've been given: Write as if you’re the only audience. I’ve learned that if you don’t like what you’re writing about, then your audience will certainly see it. You can’t please everyone, so please yourself. There will always be someone who loves your writing for what it is, so don’t go changing it to please others.
Biggest obstacle you’ve faced in your writing: Trying to pace myself. I’ve heard of people spending two or three days (or even longer) on a fic. It’s either all or nothing with me. I either spend two or three hours on a fic and complete it right there and then, or I don’t write it at all. Pacing is an issue for me, and I am always trying to spend longer on a fic. I guess I just type really fast, I don’t know.
What aspects of writing do you find difficult when you write fanfiction? I find that trying to keep the character as canon as possible is most difficult. While it’s not always super hard, it does have its moments. All fanfiction are AUs, so it’s okay to change the characters to make them your own. While I don’t think one should make them the complete opposite if they are wanting to stay within canon, I do believe it’s okay to change a few things around.
Is there anything you want to write but are afraid to (and why): I want to write ships. Now that I think about it, I’m not quite sure why I don’t write them. Maybe it’s time that I start.
What inspires/motivates you to write: Feedback!!! Reader’s don’t always see it, but every piece of feedback I get makes me want to write. I do better knowing there are actual people out there that are looking forward to what I write. I do better knowing that real people are reading them and judging it. I do my best knowing that there is an audience. If I don’t get feedback, then that motivation just goes away.
How do you deal with self doubt: I’m not so sure I always do. There is always a voice in the back of my mind telling me that my stories are complete and utter shit, and I shouldn’t bother writing anything. It’s why I take a step back from writing so often. When I first started my blog, I came out with fics every single day. I was always writing new stories. Now, I may get a story out per week. Maybe two per week. I know when it’s time to take a break for a few days because it gives that voice time to calm down. My best advice for someone dealing with self doubt is to just take a break. Separate yourself from the thing that your mind is telling you that you suck at. Take care of you before jumping back into it. Trust me, it helps.
How do you deal with writer's block: Kind of the same thing as I mentioned above. I have suffered from writer’s block a lot more than in my earlier years. Sometimes, I just don’t have the motivation or the passion to write, and I just get so mad at myself for not doing it. One of the things that help me is writing down my ideas. Yeah, I get ideas that float in my head about stories I’d like to write, but actually writing them down makes them concrete. Then, I am able to make notes and side notes and notes of my notes about what I’d like to happen, and before I know it, I’m writing it.
Do you plan/outline your story before you start: ALWAYS! Always, always, always plan your writing, especially if you’re doing a series. It’s good to know what is going on in your story. You don’t always have to follow it to the exact detail (you’re allowed to make changes as you go), but having a plan makes it easier to get through your story. You’re able to look back at it and remind yourself why you're writing that exact scene or if something needs to be added or taken away from it. If you have a plan, then you’re less likely to lose that passion since you know what’s going to happen. You’re able to see the finish line well before you start.
Do you have any weird writing habits: This may be weird, but I like to listen to Got U On by Darci feat. Nessly, Highest in the Room by Travis Scott, some music by Juice WRLD, and other loud rap songs. Don’t ask me why, but I find the music soothing when I write. Those rap songs sound the same to me, and their voices just drown out so I’m just listening to the music. There are other kinds of music I listen to like piano instrumentals and rain/thunder sounds, but it’s really any song I can tune out.
Have you ever received hateful comments on your fic and how do you deal with it? I don’t want to sound arrogant or snobby, but I can honestly say I’ve never received one hateful comment on anything I’ve written (knock on wood xD). I’ve only received good things about my stories, and I think it has something to do with how much good energy I am putting into the world. I believe in karma, and I tend to be nice to everyone regardless of who they are, and I think it comes back to the kind of comments I receive. However, I always think about what I’d do or say if I’ve ever gotten a hate comment. I wouldn’t encourage them to send more hate, but I wouldn’t apologize either. I write the stories I write because it makes me happy. If they don’t like it, they can go somewhere else. Though, I know those hate comments can get to some people, and here is what I have to say about that: remind yourself of when you actually wrote the fic. If you were truly happy about it, then it shouldn’t matter what that person says. You love it, and that’s all that matters.
Conversely: what’s been some of your favorite feedback on your fanfic?  I have to pick a favorite? XD I have an album in my phone of screenshots I took of my favorite comments left by my followers. I’ve been compared to John Green, there have been comments that thank me for giving them an escape from their realities, people have told me they want to write just like me someday, people have told me that my work has made them smile and get chills, that my stories are the highlight of their week, and a bunch of other stuff. I am just shocked that there are people out there who think this. It means so much to me, and I get tears when I read them because this is literally my dream. I can’t thank my followers enough for the comments they leave, and this is exactly why it’s so important to leave feedback.  
If you could give one piece of advice to a new and/or struggling writer, what would it be? Write for you. I can’t stress this enough. I’ve mentioned it before, and I’m going to mention it again. If you’re not happy, it will show through your writing. Your audience will see it based on how you word things and your flow of ideas. On another note, please brush up on your grammar. I can’t tell you how many times I read such an interesting summary, and noticed the story was full of grammatical mistakes. It made me not want to read it anymore. I’m sure it was a great story, but I didn’t want to put myself through that just to read it.
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wendibird · 3 years
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SPN 15X17 Observations
Well, watching this week went pretty smoothly (and I was actually able to get my little bluetooth keyboard thing to talk to my tablet so I was able to watch on my big TV screen and type up notes fairly easily. :) 
And just to clarify, sometimes my notes as I took them were VERY brief, and in some cases I’ve gone back and added in a few details or explanations to make clear what I meant by what at the time. 
I’ve also come to the conclusion that I don’t always remember to take notes, especially if Important Things are happening. (Do people even like the notes section? Or would you just prefer reading my odd takes on everything after the fact?) 
Anyway, here’s what I have for 15X17 “Unity”. Well, I do have more thoughts drifting around, but I’m always concerned that I’m going on too long as it is. *LOL*  (Under the cut for length and spoiler aversion)
Okay, going in I’ve heard rumors that this is a “Sam Heavy” episode, so we’ll see. *fingers crossed* 
- wow, is Chuck starting in on this world already?
- Silent treatment.
- I wonder if she’s guessed.
- fuck you Dean!
(but I’m not surprised. it just confirms what I’d already suspected about how Dean really feels about Jack.)
Commercial Thoughts:
Yeah, so, I’m firmly in Sam and Cas’ camp here. Jack may not be family to Dean, but he is to them. He’s their Son. 
I also think that though he hasn’t talked about it, Sam regrets his part in the Drama Coffin plan involving Jack last season. Think it’s one of those cases where he realized too late he was on the wrong side, and he doesn’t want to be there again.
As for Dean… I get that he wants to see the people he cares most about make it out of this. (Sam and Cas.) And I get he’s doing the tunnel vision thing. I think he knows that Sam’s right but he won’t let himself admit it.
- Wow….. The fanangels are kinda creepy.
- They’ve lost all their nuance with Chuck. Or my theory is right and Chuck has actually shifted darkside.
- Oh wow…. Amara is really going to bat here.
Commercial Thoughts:
Still not sure how much she’s (Amara) really guessed. She’s acting as though the whole “trapping him” idea is still a go, but what she’d said to Dean, as pointedly as she did, it seemed like maybe she suspected what was really going on and was still trying to give him the option to go a different way.
And even if this is Chuck having shifted dark, it could still be written with more nuance than this crappy villain schtick.
I mean, even in S11 when he’s all but given up on humanity and existence and was going to let Amara win, it was written with there being a depth to him about it.
- Don’t know if Dean’s trying to convince himself that he doesn’t care as deeply to make this easier or what.
- HOw is ADAM still alive?! And she’s an angel?
- Interesting behavior for an angel. *LOL*
- “Then he moved on to our sons.” Hints of Cain and Abel?
- Okay, so the angel kept him alive. (Sure, I can buy that.) 
- Pretty Crystals!
- He’s (Dean) heard those lines before. And Dean’s feeling uneasy about it.
- Amethyst! (Sorry, always had a thing for Amethyst and it’s my birthstone)
- (oh, okay, all of them)
- Ewww….. Open heart surgery
- Rib!
- Dean doesn’t like being rail-roaded.
- Talk time.
- I don’t like this…… (Jack using the rib and starting the suicide-bomb process.) 
Commercial Thoughts:
Okay, so, what Dean said, I’m glad he said it. And I have been getting hints of that feeling from him the whole season, about feeling disconnected because of what they found out about Chuck and their lives. I just… I still think he’s willfully blinding himself to what’s really going on. That even this version of “Free Will” is a script that he’s following. (Well, I think he’s starting to have misgivings about that.)
- Uh-oh! Ideas! 
- I love two researching nerds!
- Were we supposed to understand the Latin? *LOL* I caught “Mortem” in there a few times.
- Yey door!
- “your internal compass is functioning perfectly”
- I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!
- Who dat?
- Dead someone or other
- W section.
- Reapers maybe?
- Who’s thinning the ranks?
- Empty!Meg!
- Sam is good! (At bluffing the hell out of an ancient cosmic being.) 
- IT’S A LITTLE LATE TO STOP IT!!!!
Commercial Thoughts:
*FREAKING OUT!!!*
Jack already started it! OG!Adam said that once started the reaction couldn’t be stopped.
Okay, deeper thoughts. Everyone’s playing chess. Still. The game is just bigger.
OG!Adam wants God dead because of stuff that happened. And Billy is following his plan? (Did I get that right?) The plan will make Billy the next God. (Not surprised there honestly.) Her world will be a lot more “orderly” no doubt.
The Empty just wants to sleep. (Honestly, can relate.) 
But everyone’s just using them all as gamepieces again. Dean’s getting that feel from things OG!Adam and Whatserfaceangel said. Sam knows now too. They’re still stuck in someone else’s story. They’re still not gaining true “Free Will”. I’m hoping that the route they take will actually get them off this train track.
- DUDE - WHAT (was in reference to Dean pulling a gun on Sam)
- Go Sam! He’s not letting this one go. (Referring to my feelings on Sam feeling bad about Jack and the Drama Coffin thing from way before, and him NOT settling for Dean’s plan this time, him sticking to his guns and saying what he feels and taking action.) 
- Chuck played her (Amara) too.
- Not again! (Oh Jack, will this forever be your fate?)
- FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!
Holy shit! That episode!
Okay, it actually did a good job of wrapping up a lot of ideas. Like, big-picture ideas that have been themes throughout the run of the show. 
Also, apparently this was the only world where Cas and the Winchesters broke the mold? Didn’t play by their roles?
Also, minor point but it made me happy: Chuck pointed out how it’s Sam who needed to find things out. Sam who kept digging. I made mention of it last episode how Billy kept going to Dean, because he was easier for her to manipulate. But Sam asks more questions. I think part of it is what Cas said about his internal compass. I think another part is his experiences. He’s been the brunt of the cosmic plot-lines a LOT of the time. So he does keep asking questions because of all the times he hadn’t and things went badly. (Like end of S4 with killing Lilith.) 
And let me be clear, it’s not that I think Dean is dumb. He isn’t. And he and Sam both make decisions a lot based on their feelings. (Sometimes it’s all you have to go on.) But he’s shown a tendency in the past several years especially to be more likely to make them based on anger. And he doesn’t get called on it often. And I don’t know if this is TOO meta (is that even a thing with this show anymore? *LMAO*) but I feel like part of that is written into the script. Of their world. Even when Dean’s wrong he’s often proven “right” by the narrative. He very rarely is made to face up to his mistakes. (Not saying he never is. But it definitely doesn’t seem to happen as often.) And I’m wondering, is that because up till now, he was Chuck’s favorite? We saw that Chuck can manipulate a LOT of things. And events, and even some people. 
How often have we noticed and commented on how the Narrative backs Dean up so much of the time, even when he might be in the wrong? Or even just questionable? Or morally grey? How much of that is possibly now supposed to be due to Chuck’s meddling? Because I’ve also seen it mentioned (and have also noticed) that although Sam winds up the “wrong one” a lot via the narrative, he’s actually HAD to learn and grow because of that. But because Dean is rarely shown as wrong, he hasn’t had to, and his character has stagnated a lot in the last several seasons. Of course, in reality, that’s due to the writing/show-running/powers-that-be making those decisions, but in-show could it possibly be something to do with Chuck? Maybe at first because he liked Dean more? But as time grew on, and he kept trying to set up his Cain and Abel plot with them, maybe it was to reinforce Dean’s self-image that he’s Right? 
And also by contrast, we had the end of last season where so many of Sam’s decisions which had been made with best intentions and best information/resources at the time wound up blowing-up in his face. As if to say "Ha-HAH! That's what you get for thinking you could lead people! That's what you get for thinking you could save Jack! That's what you get for thinking someone like Nick could be redeemed! That's what you get for talking your brother out of the Drama-Coffin plan!" It felt like it was specifically intended to make him severely doubt his own judgement. And it worked. After all that shit went down, one thing after another, culminating with their mother's death, he didn't trust himself. He didn't believe in himself. So he put all his trust in Dean. And Dean was full of RAGE. (I don't blame him. His Mom has been a keystone of his life, even when she wasn't there.) But Sam didn't give the objections he normally would have to Dean's plan to box-up Jack. Even though it was CLEAR how much he didn't like it. How wrong it felt to him.
Basically, what I’m trying to say is, I think Chuck has been nudging and manipulating a LOT of things in order to get the Winchesters to behave how he wants them to. 
IDK. My head is hurting from some of these meta thoughts. *LOL*
SO! Back to what happened in the actual episode.
I thought the format was interesting, focusing in on the different POV characters for their spans of the story until it all came together. (Wondering if this is going to continue into the next episode…) 
I liked that we got a lot of reveals about what is (possibly) really going on, in regards to the grand schemas. Because there are several at play here. But now we're at least getting glimpses of them. 
Even though we didn't see Billy, I thought the reveal about her plans were interesting, but definitely fit with her character as established so far. I know a lot of people are saying she's gotten drunk with her power or she's "turning evil" but I don't think that's the case. It's true that she hasn't told them everything about her plans, but that's because she's also using them as pieces in her game. But her goal is the same as it's always been since we first met her. She has ALWAYS been about the Natural Order. She never liked how the Winchesters (or anyone else) flaunted death again and again. So once she's in charge? Everyone and everything goes where they belong. The demons stay in hell, the angels stay in heaven, souls go where they're meant to, people from other universes go back (even if there's no universe to go back TO. Tough shit, they'd be dead anyway according to her) and those who have already died and been resurrected? They go back to wherever they should be. (At least, I THINK that was the implication made, with Sam asking Dean if he'd be willing to trade HIM to take-out Chuck. Sam was definitely realizing a LOT when Empty!Meg told him what Billy's plan was.) 
This isn't her turning Evil like has been done with Chuck. It's more, her becoming a more extreme version of what she already was. When she got her promotion, she found out a LOT more things. Including this option of events for taking Chuck out and putting things back to how they belong. And it even started with Dean's aborted Drama Coffin plan. Which eventually fails, because Sam, but it then leads to Jack sacrificing his soul to take out AU Michael, which eventually leads to Mary's Death and Chuck's opportunity to manipulate things more and so on and so forth until we wind up here. 
(Also, just wanna say, absolutely LOVED Rachel as the Empty again!) 
And also, having just watched that scene again, can I just say again how awesome Sam is? He straight-up told the Empty that even if he WAS lying, their best bet is to let him go with the book. And it couldn't really argue with that because he was right! (Well, if it had killed him then and there, Dean probably wouldn't have known right away and probably would have been able to carry out the plan. So there is that. Buuuuut none of them knew that either at the time.) 
And in general, I love how Sam just would NOT give up. This is the Sam Winchester I've come to love. He could feel in his bones that this plan was wrong so he was doing everything he could to not only stop it, but to find some other way to get what they truly wanted. 
I also loved his and Cas' interactions. They were supportive of each other and both were trying to find a way to save their son. (Dean has officially forfeited his Dad-Card in my book. Hell, in his book too.) Also, I remember hearing someone from production, or who was maybe on set or something mentioning something about the Holy Grail in this episode? Well, in that scene where Sam and Cas are looking through those old crates and trunks and boxes, when Cas finds the key Sam is holding this really old looking chalice. Wonder if that's supposed to be what that is. *LOL* I mean, the Spear of Destiny (or at least, the head of the spear) was there in the Bunker, so why not I guess? *LOL*
We didn't get a lot of Sam and Jack interaction, but I liked what little we had. Sam made it clear to Jack that he wants to save him. (I'm really hoping we get SOMETHING more of them in the next episode or two but... yeah. Not a lot of time left.) 
I could go on for some length about my feelings on Dean and how he's been this season. But I don't want this to turn into a fully anti-Dean rant. I will say though that I'd definitely gotten the impression before this that Dean has different categories of people he cares about, and in his mind, he also has them ranked according to how expendable they are. And I'm not just talking about Jack here, though he is a major part of it. But at the end of the episode when he and Sam are having it out, Dean says he's basically willing to sacrifice EVERYONE to get what he wants. 
(I don't think he's actually willing to sacrifice Sam for it though. And yes, I know, he was waving a gun in Sam's face. But I don't believe for a moment he had any intention of killing his brother. Not when Sam asking point blanc if Dean is willing to trade him for killing Chuck, and that seems to be what causes Dean to start listening to what Sam's saying. Also, in the past, Dean hasn't been above threatening people to get what he wants. Like with Kaia. Also in S8's "Trail and Error" when he and Sam were talking about taking out the hellhound, Dean pretty much said if Sam even tries to get close to it, Dean would shoot him in the leg. Now, we never got to see if he actually would have or not, but regardless, it was a case of Dean being willing to hurt Sam a little in order to protect him from something he saw as a bigger threat. In that case it had been taking on the trials. In this case, it would have been to win their shot at freedom. At least in Dean's mind. Not saying I approve! Just, I think that's where his mindset was.) 
And this is a far cry from the Dean who, just a few years ago was willing to be a kamikaze bomb in order to save the world. And yes, Dean has mentioned "Saving the world" this season too. And I'm sure he means that too. But when he was at his most emotional, what he was talking about wasn't saving the world and everyone in it. It was freeing him and Sam from being Chuck's entertainment. And he's willing to sacrifice nearly anyone to accomplish that. At least, he was up til now. I hope that they're going to give him a change of heart before the end because I really REALLY would like the show to end with me not despising Dean and what he's become. Yes, I'm a Sam-girl, but I do care about Dean too. 
Also, I feel bad for Amara and what wound up happening with her. Like many other characters, she fell victim to Chuck's manipulations, and now I'm guessing he's even stronger than before. But also, Chuck wasn't the only one manipulating her. And maybe if they, (Dean especially, since she had a soft-spot for him) had actually been trying to find another way earlier, she wouldn't have fallen to despair when finding out the truth. 
Aaaaaanyway, I think I've rambled enough about this episode as it is. Thank you to whoever actually bothers to read all of this. *LOL*
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soysaucecas · 3 years
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oooh for the ask game 24, 30, and 44!
MAGPIE MY BELOVED HELLO
24. What are your favorite episodes?
The only episodes I've really watched are TMWWBK (which is my favorite episode and I'm certain would still be my favorite if I watched every single one because it has the only SPN character and the only SPN line), The French Mistake (which was funny enough but honestly in the Just Okay category for me, which makes me pretty sure I wouldn't enjoy actually watching SPN if this is one of the funniest/highest-rated eps), and Reading Is Fundamental (my best friend was watching it and asked me if I wanted to hop on Discord, I thought it might be fun to see Kevin's first introduction but instead this ep found the two of us taking like 90 minutes to get through it bc we kept pausing and screaming (derogatory) as the model minority stereotype jokes piled up and up and up... Unfortunately not a favorite even if we got Meg AND the "pull my finger" joke AND the "Sorry" shot). Other than TMWWBK, from clipping and transcript-reading, I like Wayward Sisters (who doesn't?), The Things We Left Behind (Claire!!!! Cas trying to be a dad! The diner scene aka my favorite destiel scene of all time bc being in love just looks so good on Cas! Also the parallels between Claire and Randy and teen Dean and the adults at that club in his story... woof.), Golden Time (Eileen gets to be HERE and be sad and loved and fight people with ghost powers and Cas gets to do a cool speech and a stabbing and do the Asian community a favor), and Lucifer Rising (just immensely sexy on all counts for Ruby, Sam, Cas, and myself). Also I am SO fond of Steve!Cas so I'll add Heaven Can't Wait even if I barely know anything about it.
30. What is an unpopular opinion or headcanon you have about the show?
Ooh okay hm I think. So I adore confession scene, but I don't think the "I cared about the whole world because of you" is like. The Objective Truth the way that most bloggers seem to take it. Cas was lobotomized tons of times before he met Dean, he was described as coming off the line with a crack in his chassis, he's always been the weird little angel who likes humanity too much! I don't think Dean came first, and although gay love was part of what helped Cas invent free will, he *Ruby voice* didn't need the feather to fly, Dumbo! I do think Cas believes what he says in the moment, but I also think he sorta... made himself believe it? This is probably just me deciding that cas-coding should go both ways, but like. I very much crush as a coping mechanism and I very much overascribe my actions to love because it simply seems more noble/poetic to do so. Being miserable because school is hard is cringefail but being miserable because of unrequited love is Good Shit. And I have been in unrequited love with my best friend for at least 7 years (probably 9 but I didn't realize it earlier) and if you asked I would 100% say that she taught me love and defined love for me and that she will be my first and last, but I also know that that is not entirely true; it's just the narrative that I like for myself. And I think that being in an Empty deal contingent on whether or not he LETS himself feel happy would lead Cas to do plenty of mental maneuvering, which I think involved intentional self-poor-little-meow-meow-ification via overascribing his choices and happiness to Dean (and I also think he'd already been doing that for a while just because of personal self-worth issues and because it's a nice narrative). I know as Cas's last Moment on the show it was probably written to be The Objective Truth, but I am perceiving him and I say no.
44. If you could write an episode of Supernatural, what would happen?
Oh scream okay! This is a fun one! I am going to start out with two ideas from other people:
1. Months ago Nate from the pocnatural discord had the idea of an episode from the "monster"'s perspective where the Winchesters are just clearly the antagonists while not doing anything different than they usually do. I think the idea was that all these supernatural beings live in a self-regulating community together and we have one Very Likable pov character who's a member of this community, but one of the newer members messes up one day and kills someone and the Winchesters come on a case and wreak havoc on this Very Much Functioning (there was going to be a whole rehab and reparations thing for the new member who messed up!) system and kill pov character and in the end you just HATE Sam and Dean for it.
2. It's hard to adapt anything from bad moon rising (aka my favorite spn fic) very well because the point of an Arab Winchesters season 1 rewrite is that it doesn't really work with the white characters we have now, but I think I could see a version of chapter 2 adapted as long as Haley (an Ojibwe hunter who lives in the area affected by what Sam and Dean are hunting) takes the lead. I'd especially like to see this section:
Dean laughs, a little disbelievingly. The question has never crossed his mind. “Do you like it?”
This gives Haley no pause at all. “Yeah,” she says. “I mean, it’s not really about killing monsters, though, for me. Or, it’s not always about killing monsters. It’s about community. Not violence. It’s a spiritual thing to build a home, you know?”
“Oh,” Dean says. He can’t think of anything else to say. It has never crossed his mind before that hunting could be compatible with a community.
I don't have any original episode ideas to add to the hunting discourse, so we're on to my ideas about character-driven eps. I think I would like to see a version of my sastiel possession fic (ty again for beta-ing that! you're a real one) as an ep around the time of 9.11 because Sam deserves to work through their trauma, but idk what the Dean plot should be for that. Another thing I would like very much is TFW drunk history storytime (so like. Tall Tales bass boosted), where for some reason they all need to go over what they were doing during Stanford era but each of them is telling someone else's story. It's gonna be either Sam->Dean->Cas->Sam or Dean->Sam->Cas->Dean. It starts out very funny (they all have terrible wigs and makeup in the flashbacks. Cas is Jimmy wearing a giant mask with googly eyes on it.) but as it goes on it gets increasingly sad how much these three don't really know each other.
In the Sam->Dean->Cas->Sam episode, Sam's telling of Dean's past veers wildly between "crushing pussy and killing things" and "feels like absolute shit all the time" and it's funny but Not Right and afterwards Dean goes "I didn't know you thought of me that way" and Sam says "... I am basically reading off the voicemails you left me back then" and Dean has to sit there and contend with the mythology he himself wrote for Sam to believe in. Dean->Cas provides the comedic beats for the episode as Dean awkwardly narrates Cas's Life As A Weird Little Guy who watches trees grow and heals babies and in the end Dean goes "so how did I do" and Cas is like "well actually I was either getting lobotomized or murdering people so like 3/10?" The moral of this plot line is that Dean is bi. Cas gives a fairly faithful retelling of Sam living her trans little life at Stanford and veering between trying to be Normal and being a total weirdgirl and feeling guilty and angry and happy and free. It becomes clear that Cas admires Sam a lot (but also feels like. guilt and some self-recrimination for not being that) for rebelling from their dad and exploring their queerness during a time Cas was still to his knowledge in total soldier mode, and Sam is having an a_good_soldier's Thesis 5 moment about how she failed the kid she used to be and how very sorry they are about all the things that happened to them, and Dean hates that this is the first he's hearing about so much of this but is also quite emo about the parts where Sam is struggling. The ep ends with them all in the same room not looking at each other and not knowing if they want to group hug or never talk again.
Dean->Sam->Cas episode is similar but the storytelling dissolves a lot faster as it becomes clearer way faster how much their own emotions are getting in the way. Dean is upset that Sam could leave their family so easily and probably swing a normal life, Sam keeps wondering what it would be like to live millennia just KNOWING that you were right and good and clean, and Cas is gay and veering between fitting Dean's life into a larger Righteous Man narrative and just being very tender (and sad and angry) about Dean's pain. Episode ends in a rather cathartic shouting match where they all end up apologizing to each other for many things.
Oh also I would like to see Cassie again but I don't have an episode in mind there. Also would love to see Kaia adjusting to life in Sioux Falls and befriending the others and dealing with Bad Place trauma.
tysm for the questions sorry for taking so long!
(ask game)
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prairiedust · 3 years
Text
Gimme Shelter livewatch under the cut.... I was on my phone when I wrote it so apologies for the typos
“Patchwork Community Center: Care Given to All” with a huge, lurid heart. Hmmm.... patchwork having two meanings here.....
Pastor (?) has 2 Timothy 2:22 tattooed on his arm! “Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” (NIV) Are we looking at growth and found family in this episode?!?
Oh that’s the alleyway!
Hitting mythology themes— Connor is an Anglicized version of an Irish name— Conchobar mac Nessa is maybe the most famous bearer of the name, from Irish mythology— he’s the king who lusted after Deirdre and had her locked up until she came of age, which is probably neither here nor there as far as this poor Connor is concerned...
That thing has a big lurid heart on his overalls better run lol— Oh shit it’s an evil Teddy Ruxpin!!!! Thanks Davy Perez!!!!
That’s the thing animal control uses to manage aggressive animals??? Is this saying something about the Patchwork people?
And that’s it for the cold open.
——
The uh, the mcfuckin what, the Camelot Palace Casino? Is this a tour of the legends of Ireland and Britain all of a sudden? What’s with hitting this theme so hard so fast?
Uh-oh the whole Highway to Heaven reference has me side-eyeing Dean’s suggestion for Cas snd Jack to leave the bunker... Dabb even “spoiled” that line in a tweet lol... in that show the cop and the angel got their (vague) assignments from the big guy.......
Oh SHIT “we’re standing in what I call ‘the trap zone’” Perez is coming for my whole life with this episode!!!! And they’re doing highkey “season one totally-normal Winchester investigation questions script” I love it!!!!
“Slasher flick” Oh we’re revisiting Mint Condition. This is fine.
AND TOMBSTONE THIS IS NOT FINE DAVY! We’re running the good times backwards what did I say about this being the flipside of Last Holiday!
H2H again but this time it’s sus... plus I’m with Zack, I totally want the cozy murder spinoff I imagined Adam and Michael doing plz
Oh the Cas and Jack dynamic here is so sweet.
Pastor just leaving his door open like there’s no such thing as a thief bless his heart. They must be torn up about Connor but Pastor was the last one to talk to him so he’s sus I don’t make the rules.
Oh no Red’s a THIEF!!! Who ever would have guessed. Okay I did NOT expect that jumpscare because of the way Connor’s murder primed me, that was masterfully done.
That’s vaguely an Ohio Star quilt square on the sign behind her except um I forget what that tilted square in the center turns it into? It’s chiming with something... I’ll have to look that up later.
“Divide and conquer” no never split up in a slasher movie that’s how you get murders use the buddy system!
Gonna stop a sec because I just realized that Zack is two-faced. The British dandy was an act. The killer is wearing a Cinderella mask. Ok I’m gonna make a prediction that Zack is actually the killer, a la the demon in Repo Man...
Okay there was definitely a beat after Dean said “Glad soneone’s taking charge” [ofHell] and the focus shifted to Sam. Hm.
“We’ve got to set her up for her own death” so meta, these writers are gonna shred us.
I love being shown how much Castiel has changed throughe Jack not understanding the Kool-Aid reference. And the cats line lol. That’s both amazing and poignant.
That’s a log cabin pattern in the cafeteria. Home. Makes me think back on other quilts we’ve seen this season and if “weaving” is the right metaphor for writing lol. I mean, the action of “patching” is synonymous with “mending” or even healing, but patchwork is also a craft with a long, long history in America (idk if quiltmaking is called patchwork everywhere) of taking a few often mismatched fabrics and cutting and sewing into something beautiful. There are generally two kinds of quilt tops— patterns, like we’ve seen so far in this season, which are carefully planned and involve precise measurements, and “crazy quilts” which also require skill but are often more freeform and piecemeal. But both aspire to be beautiful. That’s an interesting way to conceptualize a serial text... as both creating and mending....
That prayer was sweet and not at all what I was expecting.
I get the finger-cutting for Valerie (stealing=sticky fingers) but not for Connor? Tenuous connection still betw lying and writing? It’s evocative of Se7en but the killer seems to have the same MO for all the killings (I attended CSI for a while.)
Snow White is making me uneasy. Oh she’s the preacher’s daughter... we’ve seen that in early days, too.... oh.... oh....
It’s not the AV guy despite having seen all the AV equipment around Valerie. That’s too easy.
“A saint is a sinner who keeps trying-“ no scroll back, the important part was “we all have to take care of each other.” That’s a theme in the series.
She’s all in pink....
dean and amara on the same wavelength about food lol
Ha ha inversion of “oh you’re a fan of religion? name all seven gods then.”
Castiel’s testimony just wrecked me.
“Members serve the gift of food” hmmm the signs in this episode are tip-top
Gonna just watch for a while.
Oh crap “each is a finger” oh it’s about the sins of the father— No Cas no, you’ve fallen for the misdirection!
Oh okay good, Chuck’s not done snuffing worlds. That had me REALLY WORKED UP ha ha because Amara has no reason to lie right?
That was a really good conversation.... and implying that Former Death bent the truth...
Oh fuck I’m gonna cry “I wanted younto see that your mother was just a person” YES! DISMANTLE THIS MYTHOLOGY AMARA!!! Name it!
THE MYTH THAT YOU’D HELD ON TO FOR SO LONG did they just— THEY DID
rigging the game— ftfoh with the casino metaphors already we know the house always wins except when it doesn’t
Lying, lying, lying,
Do we even know Snow White’s name yet? And why was Connor a liar? Because I think we can make a guess at this point.... ah ha ha her name is sylvia— “forest spirit” she’s Mrs Butters— and she’s after hypocrites— but the killing isn’t supernatural, just churchy?
Oh shit SHE IS A DEAN MIRROR IF SHE STABS JACK I’LL FLIP A DAMN TABLE
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prairiedust.exe has encountered an error and must be restarted
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Okay so “Dad” steps in and stops Sylvia’s attack on Jack...
Why is that Zack? What????
“I’ve been lying to you” oh here we go
Oh it would be death #3, remember what Dabb said about threes a long time ago, two attempts that are unsuccessful and one that satisfies the parameters— but no he’s a jack :((((
I have to stop watching for a while.
Okay I finished it. Holy cats do I have some Thoughts about this episode.
What I loved: Revisiting Dean’s anger, BUT the parental mirror here (in retrospect, at least for me) was a John mirror-- all the mothers (exc for Rowena) in this episode are dead. And Pastor Joe didn’t apparently embrace his wife’s faith until she had died, and then his vision was radically different than his wife’s was-- much like John’s reasons for becoming a hunter were vastly different from Mary’s... but much like “patching” this subtext was possibly even more “healing” than having John back in the 300th ep... This was... looking at a child’s anger when they’re in the middle of their own family mythology. Am I implying that Dean’s anger is immaturity? Eh, it’s... unripeness. I have an old meta in my drafts about the heroine’s journey and why Mary’s story conformed to it while feeling totally unfulfilling in her actual character arc and I’m so glad I sat down and examined that rather than finish it. I have a lot I want to say about Cas’ testimony too, but that has to sit a while. ALSO also, Cas has already thrown away his shot by making the Empty deal, right?....
LANGUAGE! Cas saying “I found myself lost” is a bonkers sentence, right? It’s like when people say someone “turned up missing”-- AND it does not have the same meaning as “I realized I was lost”-- you get a double whammy of the connotation “to search for.” I loved loved loved how language was such a big deal in Last Holiday and then again here, I need to rewatch while paying closer attention to Sylvia and things she says... but these two were sister episodes in so many ways, that when I said there was a “lack of narrative mirrors” in Last Holiday, that’s only because the lens for that kind of reading is Gimme Shelter. That is not the first time spn has played with a “coin” or paired structure-- I think the first time I noticed it was Fan Fiction/Ask Jeeves but I was a transfer student from another fandom at the time lol. But of course, we get a huge truth bomb at the end of the episode, and again that splashy cymbal all over lying...
What I got wrong-- Zack wasn’t the killer but he’s fishy as hell-- he stole Sylvia! Is this part of Rowena’s “people generally end up where they deserve to be” except she’s built in an express lane? “Do you need a driver” is that his actual job now? Taking unripe souls to Hell Orientation? What’s up with him being there... the other shoe did not drop. So there is a third episode out there somewhere where this might get wrapped up? The conversation between Dean and Cas can easily be something that happens offscreen, and I don’t think that it would be the first time we miss an “important” conversation, especially since we know roughly what will be said and how it will wrap up-- it’s an “open text” of a sort. Maybe a fanfiction gap lol, I can’t wait for the codas.
Also, the fingers thing being Sylvia’s father’s favorite analogy is where she got her MO, something that I definitely didn’t see, although it fits right in with her father’s slightly pithy character. I think it’s interesting again how we’re playing with threes and fours. Three fingers got cut off but it was apparent that Valerie (valorious one) wouldn’t die until finger #4.... Jack really seems to be our last hope.
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cogentranting · 3 years
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7, 13, 14 for SPN ask game
Thanks!
7. 
I think that there’s a lot about the season 5 ending that is sort of tighter and cleaner-- the season arcs all flow one to the other very naturally  so that the themes and the character arcs and plot feel very unified and well thought through. And the seasons after season 5 don’t have that same level of unity and foresight. And I think that the first five seasons present a very clear, fairly simple, and satisfying arc for Dean and him getting a sort of happily ever after with Lisa and Ben and a normalcy he never could even admit that he wanted. So on the one hand I think season 5 is a good ending on most counts. Sam sacrificing himself in a final defiant triumph over the destiny that everyone has predicted for him for so long, is also I think a really good crowning moment. But you’re also presented with the problem of the aftermath not being a satisfying ending. I’m totally fine with characters dying but your options with Sam would be dying and going to Hell to be tortured by Lucifer forever (not a good ending), leaving it on an ambiguous note of Sam’s back but how and does he reunite with Dean or... ? (not a satisfying ending because it is way too ambiguous and pretty much any prediction of how it plays out casts the rest of the ending into doubt too), or you send him to Heaven and at that stage in the show that’s not even a good either. 
Add on to that all the things that would have been lost if the second 2/3rds of the show weren’t there and I end up really favoring the season 15 ending. I think Sam and Dean get such a chance to mature and grow and regain some balance in their life after that point and all that makes such a difference. And I really do like how things ended. 
BUT I might move that ending we got and make it a season SIXTEEN ending. Not from a position of “I didn’t want it to end yet” but because of how the end date affected a couple arcs. While I like the season 15 ending, I thought season 15 as a whole was pretty lackluster. There was a lot of missed potential, a few things I really didn’t like, and overall just not that much that I was particularly attached to. But season 14 had so much potential. Dean being possessed by Michael, the Malak box, Jack losing his soul. But all of that fell short in the last handful of episodes, and my theory is that came as a result of deciding to end with season 15 and meant that they had to switch gears into setting up that final season arc which I think they’d been holding in reserve for a bit. So Michael ends up being kind of anticlimactic, Jack losing his soul happens and then never really gets fully dealt with because season 15 didn’t seem to want to dive into all those complicated emotions .  But if there was one more season, season 14 could have ended with a big confrontation with Michael-- allowing more of the consequences of what Dean went through with Michael at the beginning of the season to be felt, more resolution for what it meant for Dean to try to cage Michael himself, the consequences of choosing not to use the Malak box (and why Billie was so sure that was the ONLY way), another appearance of Michael Dean (who I really enjoyed), and then have Jack lose his soul at the end. Then you have all of season 15 to deal with what that means, letting maybe the moment when Jack goes completely off the rails happen around midseason and then at least half a season to work on fixing the relationship between Jack and Sam and Dean (especially Dean). Then you could even end season 15 with Jack still dying, and being brought back part way through season 16 then regaining his soul, all the same, But that final season wouldn’t have the burden of trying to fix the damaged relationship. It would just be there. Because my least favorite part of the last season is that it doesn’t do nearly enough to fix the relationship between Jack and Dean.  So yeah. Give season 14 more breathing room. Then copy and paste 15x20′s ending but put it onto the end of season 16. 
13. My favorite arc is probably the Mark of Cain. Which is a long arc since it’s a full season and a half, but I really like how all of it plays out. I think it’s really interesting to dive into that darker side of Dean that has been present since season 1 (I think of the end of the season, him telling Sam that it scared him how he didn’t hesitate to kill the possessed man in order to save Sam and John, and that he’s scared of how far he would go for either of them) and that just kind of kept getting amplified over the seasons, with his time in Hell, and then really became even stronger after how he had to live in Purgatory for a year. But the Mark of Cain stuff draws on it in this really interesting way of making it a curse on him and while simultaneously pulling Dean down into the worst, darkest, most twisted version of himself (which is so fun to see), it also highlights a lot about what is best about Dean-- how strong he is in fighting against the Mark, how deeply he wants to do the right thing and protect people, the force of his determination, how much he cares and how intensely he feels the weight of every time he ends up hurting someone. And it confronts this image of himself that Hell and Purgatory and everything in between have given him that he is dark and damaged and a killer and warrior and that’s it but ultimately makes all about how much he is willing to sacrifice to protect the people around him (especially Sam) and about everyone else around him-- Sam, Cas, Charlie, even Crowley-- loving him so much that they’d go to the ends of the Earth and cross all these lines just to save Dean. It’s one long extended character study of so much of what I find fascinating about Dean and it’s dripping with angst and I love it.  I also really like the arc in season 2 of Dean coming to terms with the fact that his father died for him. The arc where Jack is dying is really good too, because I love seeing Sam and Dean and Cas being paternal. 
14.
Agh. I don’t know. I think Jody probably reflects a lot of things I’d like to be. But overall my gut reaction is to say that I’m more Sam than anyone else. I can’t even put into words exactly why. Certainly I wouldn’t say that I identify with Sam’s struggles-- more like, if Sam had a led a more normal stable life we would have a lot in common. As it is I wouldn’t say I really identify with Sam (or with any character really. most of the shows and stories I like I don’t have someone I really identify with) and that it may actually be why I don’t find myself very drawn to Sam or his storylines. I like Sam (probably more as I’m rewatching now than I have in the past) but its not often that I’m super invested in his individual arcs or storylines. 
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hawkland · 3 years
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Dear Smut4Smut creator
Letter for the 2021 Smut 4 Smut exchange
My AO3 profile: sidewinder
Thank you for writing or creating art for me! I know I’ll be thrilled with whatever you come up with for any of my requests. (And if I babble on or have more prompts for one ship than another, don’t take that as any kind of preference. Some I just am more specific in the kinds of smutty scenarios I’m requesting/wanting at this time, but I love them all the same.)
Please consider the requested tags all the “prompt” you need if so inspired, if none of my suggested scenarios and ideas inspire you. Also, of course, feel free to combine them or use only one as you see fit! 
General Likes
Non-penetrative sex (especially in first-time scenarios). I love extended kissing scenes, frottage, mutual hand jobs, characters so turned on and overwhelmed that they come from barely being touched/before they can get all their clothes off, etc.
Romantic smut more than really kinky smut (though a bit of light bondage/restraint can be fun!)
That said, I have a definite weakness for wing!kink and tentacles... where appropriate :) 
Generally stoic/repressed/strong characters breaking down and needing comfort/hugs/acceptance of their vulnerabilities
Inverted relationship power dynamics - in the sense of a seemingly older and/or more powerful character actually being less experienced in sex/romantic relationships, or having more doubts & insecurities, and needing the younger/less powerful character to take the lead or reassure them.
In art - I really love all styles of fan art and just seeing how different artists interpret my favorite characters. Seriously, and that’s not just a cop-out because I’m crappy at coming up with art-specific prompts.
General Do No Wants
A/B/O dynamics, mating heats
animal abuse/death
anything related to pregnancy/childbirth
formalized BDSM relationships
non-canon gender identities and/or sexual orientations except gay/bi/pan for requested ships/characters 
scat/watersports
unrequested alternative-universe scenarios such as high school/genderswap/coffee shop/etc (however, canon-divergent AUs completely fine!)
Supernatural-Castiel/Dean Winchester
Fandom-specific Do Not Wants: Bad ending/unhappy-ever-after, Sam-bashing, any suggestions of Wincest
I confess I am a very new Destiel-shipper/SPN fan, having only gotten into the show late last year (post-finale.) So while I know there are mountains of stories already written about this ship, sometimes it’s nigh impossible to dig through it all to find stories that scratch the specific fic cravings I have. Hence all the prompts/ideas for them here, some of which I’m sure have been done to death already...but please humor me :)
Long Prolonged Make-Outs
Kissing All Over
Frottage
First Time Sex is Non-Penetrative 
First Time with Partner of the Same Gender
Experience - Experienced/Inexperienced
Experience - Experienced Partner Lets Inexperienced One Explore Them
Playful Sex
Morning After (Incredible Sex the night before)
I love everything about newly-human!Cas in season 9 (and Cas’s hedonistic tendencies in general). I have to imagine that, as a human, he just feels things with an intensity that angels just don’t feel, as if with human lifetimes so condensed, their senses are intensified to make up for it in a way that would be overwhelming for a hugely powerful/nearly immortal creature like an angel.
So give me any story about Cas’ exploring and fully embracing the sensual pleasures of sex (with Dean). I love Season 9 canon-divergence fics where Dean lets him stay in the bunker. Perhaps after his first taste of sex with April, Cas wants to add to his experiences by having sex with a male-bodied human/someone he deeply cares about (ie, DEAN). Dean may still be struggling with his own internalized homo/bi-phobia but it’s hard for him to resist Cas with his insatiable curiosity about how the human body works, having no filters/no taboos and just wanting to taste/touch/experience until he/they both are completely overwhelmed.
Wings as Erogenous Zones
Wing Kink
I love wings and true-form Cas as well. In fact I’m totally okay with canon-compliant, post-finale fic in Heaven if it means Dean can finally see/experience Cas’s true form (or at least glimpses/parts of it) without dying (because, you know, already dead and all that.) Otherwise, I’m always up for AUs where Dean can sense/feel/see Cas’s wings (if Cas wants him to) and they are an incredible erogenous zone for the angel. Maybe even his most powerful one.
Touching All Over
Touch-starved character overwhelmed from seemingly innocent touches
Touch-starved
Awkward First Times
Trauma Recovery
thank god you're/we're alive sex
Tender Sex with Lots of Eye Contact & Barely Repressed Feelings
Tender Sex
Shame in Sexual Desires
Room-Wrecking Sex
Reunion Sex
Characters mutually pining finally get together and have amazing sex
Desperate Sex
Sex gets paused to deal with PTSD then maybe returned to 
I’ll take all the Cas-is-back, ignore-the-finale fics that are possible. Give me touch-starved Cas after his rescue from The Empty. (Dean can be fully into immediately satisfying his needs or, for angst, still struggling with/unsure of his feelings/sexuality.) It’s tender and healing, or maybe it’s explosive with all those years of pent-up desire and needs. You tell me, I love it all!
Sex While Washing Off The Blood of Their Enemies
Sex While Covered In The Blood of Their Enemies
sex under the stars
Outdoor Sex
Car Sex - on the hood of a car
Car Sex - in the back seat
Hotel Sex
tender making out in a car
sex after a long car ride
For these tags, I’m thinking canon-divergent future-fic where Dean is getting older (maybe Cas is too, if he’s lost his grace), yet they still go out on hunts together on occasion to relive the “glory days”. (Sam’s happily settled down and out of the hunting life with Eileen). They enjoy post-hunt sex in the outdoors or in/on the car, or seedy motel, reveling in the adrenaline of the kill, reaffirming their need and love for each other. Yum.
Supernatural - Endverse Castiel/Dean Winchester/Endverse Dean Winchester 
Desperate Sex
Threesome - M/M/M
Threesome - Character/Crush/Another Version of Crush
Turned On By Violence
One last fuck before you die
Drugs - Drug Use
Time Travel - Sleeping with older/younger version of someone you know in your own timeline
Time Travel - Sleeping with older/younger self
Pairing-Specific DNWs: None here. Go as dark as you want, since it’s Endverse.
Um, yeah. Pretty much what the tags suggest. Dean knows its freaky as hell but maybe he catches his future self and Cas having sex and they invite him in. Maybe he sees it as a chance to be with Cas (even this very different Cas) like he can’t in his own time. Castiel is totally messed up over seeing the man he had fallen in love with (and fallen from grace for) as he had been, back then, and can’t contain himself now that he’s gone so deep into carnal/hedonistic pleasures.
The Orville - Gordon Malloy/Ed Mercer
thank god you're/we're alive sex
"We Lived" Kiss Reveals Feelings
Stranded - On Another Planet/World With No Way Home
Huddling For Warmth Leads To Sex
on the run together
Desperate Sex
One last fuck before you die
Fandom-specific Do Not Want: No Kelly-bashing.
I’d love something set in the alternative universe/timeline of “The Road Not Taken”, where the Kaylons have won, leaving Gordon and Ed on the run together.  Just, any kind of desperate situation where they know they could die at any moment, so they might as well seek whatever comfort, love and tenderness they can find being with each other.
Laughter During Sex
Awkward First Times
Friends to Lovers
First Time Sex is Non-Penetrative
Frottage
Something Made Them Do It
Drugs - Experimental Substance Has Weird Sexual Side Effects
Casual Sex while Secretly Pining
Laughter During Sex
Something fun and silly (and sexy), please, using any of these tags! The show just screams out for tropey “something made them do it” scenarios, be it due to aliens, alien food or drink, whatever. Otherwise I’d love a story where they realize they do have more serious feelings for each other than their (up til then) casual relationship has allowed.
The Good Place - Michael/Eleanor Shellstrop
Tentacles - Tentacle Sex
Tentacles
Xeno - Nonhuman Partner is Ashamed of Their Body
Experience - Experienced/Inexperienced
Awkward First Times 
Laughter During Sex
romantic sex
Tentacles - Gentle and Tender Tentacle Sex with Lots of Caresses and Cuddles
Fandom-specific Do Not Wants: No Chidi-bashing (but also, no Chidi/Eleanor endgame references/suggestions).
The ship/canon where I will eternally want tentacle smut! Michael seems so ashamed of his fire-squid demon form. I want him to find out that Eleanor actually finds it kind of a turn-on and would love to find a way she could...experience it. Since we know Michael can create simulations/realities (like he does in “The Trolley Problem”), maybe he can create one where Eleanor can see/experience a version of himself that won’t, you know, destroy the entire neighborhood or burn her to a crisp?
Otherwise I’m good with any kind of first-time scenario in one of Michael’s “reboots” (or later on when they’ve figured things out and are in Michael’s Neighborhood Improvement Experiment). Awkward Michael figuring out his human body’s reactions to Eleanor, them having fun and romantic sex, would definitely make my heart happy.
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Supernatural 15x17, Unity -- Review
Holy crapola! What is this!? Am I actually doing a review?! Why yes, yes I am. Because while this episode wasn’t extraordinary by any means, it did grab my attention and I was pretty much enjoying myself all the way through. It had my wheels turning and I don’t think I’ve felt that way probably since the episode with the return of Michael and Adam back in the first half of the season. You know, things were actually happening in this episode and there was some nice meta commentary. 
As always, there will probably be spoilers. Definitely, if you have not seen this episode but plan to and don’t want to be spoiled, skip this. Do not hold me responsible for your bad decisions. 
So this episode is aptly named Unity and I kind of dig the name of it because the theme of “unity” was explored in quite a few different ways. The most obvious way being Chuck and Amara combining into one entity. But there were other ways too. You all know, I’m a sucker for parallels, particularly parallels in opposite directions. In this episode, we have Chuck and Amara at odds with each other, Amara is seeking unity and balance with Chuck but ultimately ends up being duped by Chuck and the Winchesters and while achieving that unity and balance, it’s not really what she wanted. And then the parallel being Team Free Will 2.0 split in half, clearly not on the same page. Dean and Jack are all about Operation Sacrifice and Sam and Cas are all about Operation Find A Better Way. And while Chuck and Amara did achieve their unity although through very toxic means, TFW2.0 didn’t quite manage their unity but I think after the revelations of this episode, they now have some things to come to terms with that will give them true Unity in the end to defeat Chuck. 
Also another parallel that I was just thinking about randomly is we have Dean willing to sacrifice Jack in order to kill Jack simply because Dean feels “Chuck has to die.” Dean needs Chuck to die and he’s completely unwilling to listen to reason or contemplate consequences of that decision in much the same way that Sam did in regards to killing Lillith way back in Season 4. You know, the action that fired up the apocalypse. Sam felt much the same way as Dean did. H NEEDED Lillith to die and he couldn’t let himself think of the consequences so I think there’s a part of Sam that fights so against Dean on this particular issue because he’s been there before on the other side. He committed an action that he deeply regretted. He didn’t know that killing Lillith would break the final seal and start the apocalypse but nonetheless it happened and he still holds himself accountable for that. So to a certain extent, he recognizes this in Dean as well. True, killing Chuck would solve a lot of their problems but ultimately there will be consequences to it and Sam doesn’t want to accept those consequences and he doesn’t want Dean to have that burden either. Because even though Dean says he’s fine with the consequences that will come with Chuck dying and Billie becoming the new God after the fog of his rage has cleared, and he sees how that action has hurt the people around him and maybe even he himself will feel that hurt, he might feel differently about it and regret his actions. 
Also, on the terms of Billie, I remember last season when Billie initiated her little “lock Michael in a box” idea, I was saying we need to be thinking about the concept of Billie being an unreliable nararator and said maybe we should be less trusting of Billie when we don’t have any way of verifying the facts. And I got so much criticism for saying that. “Blue, Billie is a queen, she on the hero’s side”. “Blue, why you hating on Billie?” When the truth was, I have never hated on Billie. I have always liked Billie. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t recognize when you shouldn’t trust a character. Billie has never been nor ever will be on “the hero’s side.” She is on her own side. Sometimes her side in the past has correlated with the Winchesters but that does not make her a friend or an ally that should be trusted. Billie has access to knowledge that no one else can verify so therefore we should take anything she tells our heroes with a grain of salt. And especially with the revelations of this episode. I’m not hating hating on her and begrudging her in any way, Billie is a total badass queen, she saw her opportunity and she took it, I have nothing but respect for her. She is absolutely a queen in every respect. But if we’re going to root for our heroes, we first have to understand which of our heroes’ allies are trustworthy and which ones aren’t. Its not a bad thing that your ally isn’t trustworthy, you just need to understand they’re not trustworthy and always be thinking about that. 
But on the flipside of this whole Billie thing, maybe she is trustworthy. The episode was kind of unclear about how much Chuck was poking and prodding our heroes. Maybe Jack going right up to Amara and Chuck was never going to work and Chuck and Amara becoming one was just another step in the book. Maybe Sam stopping Dean was another step in the book leading to Chuck’s demise. Prophecy mechanics are really difficult to gauge sometimes, we’ll just have to see what pops up in the coming episodes. 
Also, Chuck revealing that our Cas is the only version of Cas to truly rebel is just really interesting to think about. And it kind of makes sense now why Chuck kept on bringing Cas back or why this world was his “favorite tv show”. He thought the Winchesters were what was making it interesting but in reality, the Winchesters didn’t truly start going against the grain, truly rebelling until after Cas came into their lives, after he rebelled that sparked essentially a chain reaction for the Winchesters to constantly rebel. Cas is not responsible for the idea of the Winchesters rebelling and essentially making Chuck work for his writing but Cas essentially was giving them the faith and willpower to rebel. So none of this would really have been possible without Cas so I think that’s really interesting to think about. The character that wasn’t supposed to mean that much is basically what made this tv show Chuck kind of sort of liked into something he loved and was deeply invested in. And honestly, I can relate. Seasons 1-3 of Supernatural, I liked but I didn’t love. I could enjoy it but it wasn’t something I was deeply invested in until season 4 when Cas got introduced and after his arrival, the story just became so much more interesting to me. 
Another thing that I really enjoyed about this episode was Amara taking Chuck out to try and get him to really appreciate his creations more. She kind of reminded me of a beta reader trying to convince their writer that they’re missing the point of their story and trying to show that writer all the beauty in their writing that they’re not just paying attention to. 
Now, was there anything I disliked about the episode? Yes, Chuck. I’ve said this before but I just have not been loving what they’ve been doing with Chuck as a character. He’s just so one note and boring. While SPN has had its share of one note villains, for the most part, they were all still fun to watch. Chuck is one note and boring and he’s no fun to watch. But honestly, that’s really the only complaint I have with this episode. It wasn’t spectacular but I was invested in what was going on and I enjoyed myself. I’d give this episode a solid B. 
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dotthings · 5 years
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SPN 14.20 HOLY F*CKING I AM BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS HERE THAT WAS A GOOD. And a great set-up for S15.
*SNAPS FINGERS*
Let me try for some coherency. I scribbled watching notes.
Cas. :( Well I am not a bit surprise he’s not own with this. I don’t see how else he’s supposed to feel. Or how else Dean would feel. Or how Sam would feel. Sorry if TFW is so inexplicable to some people but they’re all making perfect sense to me. It’s sad but they make sense.
That Dean and Cas argument with Sam in the middle like :0 :| poor Sam, poor poor Sam, imagine having to watch all this intense Dean and Cas, he hates it when they bicker, and this is a real argument. 
“I know how much he meant to you. He meant a lot to me. But that isn’t Jack any more.” So there it is, the truth beneath Dean’s walls he put up. None of this is because Dean is cold or uncaring. He is, however, still very angry and still (thinks) that he has to kill Jack. The place Dean lands with Jack in this ep also doesn’t surprise me because I been knew and that makes sense too but it also makes sense that right up the line, he’d think he has to kill Jack and follow that anger. This is an extraordinary situation in fact. Even though TFW have been faced with not-versions of themselves before, they’ve never killed another family member while in that state. And I think Jack’s escalating danger levels in this ep pretty much vindicates why someone might think he has to be killed...even though Jack isn’t evil or malicious still (more on that in a moment).
“Nerds.” “Takes one to know one.”
I was just talking about this about Dean. About his facades and how he used to mock nerds and geeks--still does even now--but is actually the biggest geek and I love that Sam calls him on his nerd qualities. His nerd traits. WHAT HAVE I BEEN SAYING.
So nobody at all can lie any more and the world, as a result, starts tearing apart at the seams. Look SPN, when I said I wanted more emotional honesty...lololol that’s not what I meant. Some lies are necessary.
Oh my god it’s God. Hi, Chuck. (I was spoiled for this, it was still really fun when Chuck just popped up in the alley).
“Jack. He’s a problem.” NO REALLY I HADN’T NOTICED YOU DON’T SAY
Cas was going to see about the cage in Hell. Was he thinking he could put Jack in it?? Was that his alternative to just killing him? 
Jack visiting his grandmother and she calling Jack out on the fact that he lied to them. Oh snap, Jack. You’re sick of all the lies but you told one (for a kindness). Some lies are necessary. You lied to people too.
This episode has some realness here about what holds society together and different types of honesty. Lying is wrong...except 100% blunt honestly all the time would be a complete disaster and there are some lies we need to tell for the sake of kindness, for community, for forgiveness, or it all will fall apart. Which lies are too far and which are necessary. Can a lie hurt but also be for a kindness and be necessary? SPN has had its main characters lie for years. They lie with credit card scams so they can pay for gas and food and lodging. They lie about who they’re secretly working with behind each other’s backs. All of Team Free Will has lied to each other. Kept things from each other. It doesn’t go well for them. Yet here’s an ep showing that some types of lies are necessary as part of the fabric of society.
Dean is sooooo done with God’s bullshit I am laughing. This is also really subversive because yes we love Chuck and his guitar. Chuck singing Fare-thee-Well. Chuck as a likeable (if irresponsible deadbeat dad) figure on SPN. But how benevolent is he actually? And they don’t have time for a song right now, they just don’t.
Team Free Will are still speaking to each other after Cas stormed out. That’s a good sign!
“I built the sandbox. You play in it...but when things get really bad that’s when I step in.”
Uh...kinda. Sometimes, Chuck. Yes he’s intervened a few times. He put Sam and Dean on the airplane. He put Cas back together more than once. He stepped up when he needed do about Amara at the end of S11. So maybe a C+ on actually being there in a pinch.
“Jack is apocalyptic.” Which--self-evident right there in the ep, thanks, Chuck. Oh and can we stop pretending Jack isn’t incredibly dangerous at least? Oh he’s not just dangerous he is world-endingly dangerous. Note I rooted for Jack to be okay, and want him to be saved, but the situation is what it is right now.
It made a lot of sense to spec based on the ep title Chuck was going to show up to intervene and stop TFW from having to kill Jack, and I’m sure with a reference that blatant in that title, Dabb knew that would be the assumption. It made sense. The overturning of that is interesting here. Chuck didn’t show up and didn’t show up and when he finally does it’s to hand them the weapon to destroy Jack. Which at this point in the ep I’m still wondering--but it could be a test. Let’s see what happens.
Oh. Whoever shoots the gun, what happens to the target, happens to them. Aaaand we’re back to Dean with a self-sacrificing plan.
Damn Cas is so damn salty still about the Dean-in-the-box plan I love it. He hates that plan. Now he’s extra special plus cranky because he’s looking now at losing Jack and losing Dean simultaneously. I’ve talked a lot in my posts about Cas’s big love for both Jack and Dean. This is diabolical. Cas could lose them both with one gunshot. Of course he doesn’t want his son to die...but he doesn’t want Dean to die. Save Jack...means saving Dean too. 
I really loved this Sam and Dean scene and while Cas doesn’t get to verbalize what’s going on in his head, Sam certainly gets to vocalize what Sam’s thinking. “I’m the one who brought him back. He burned his soul off to save you and me. You want me to say I’m okay with losing you and losing him all at once. I can’t do that. I’ve already lost too much.” MIC DROP SAM WINCHESTER.
“I don’t feel anything.” There’s the crux of the Jack Problem. He intellectually understands what’s “good” and what’s “bad” but he doesn’t, in his own words, feel it. He’s the most powerful being on the planet and he’s completely hollow inside, lacking true empathy, lacking instincts, strong attachments, an innate sense of right and wrong. That’s...really terrifying. It’s really not at all hateful to Jack to comprehend how scary that combination is. “I want to love you back, it’s just I can’t.” 
This is. Damn. We saw AU Cas in ep 300, what happens when Cas never learned to access his emotions. As an angel, our Cas was taught that emotions were bad, they were a weakness. He was taught not to heed them. To control them. To never be led by his heart or his feelings. But instead of heeding that, Cas led with his whole heart, he often drowned in his own emotions, overwhelmed by them. He has intense attachments and pain and loneliness and fear and even moments of peace and joy. He feels it all. He’s the most feeling angel to ever feel, and how painfully on point is it that his son is now...emotionless.
“You’re my favorite show.” Wow it got super meta in here, Chuck.
“Why does it always have to be on us,” wonders the tormented characters. “Because you’re my guys!” gushes the enthusiastic Winchester fan, God.
I feel so called out right now. I do. While I am certainly in the camp that feels that too much torture porn angst without hope is a weaker story, like many fans, there is a certain catharsis and satisfaction in watching our favorite characters suffer and triumph and keep on going and not let the suffering defeat them.
In this ep Dabb is taking that idea and expanding it out to a walking talking metaphor, embodied in Chuck, who turns out to be a toxic wielder of suffering for his own amusement. Tying to Jack’s lack of emotions, Chuck seems okay with others suffering. It’s not that he lacks feelings, because he gets something from watching these “characters” suffer, but he’s lacking in empathy because he doesn’t seem to care that they’re suffering and in the world of SPN these are not characters, these are real people he’s jerking around making them dance to his angst-buttons for his own enjoyment.
Cas still is clinging on to hope that Jack can be fixed and my heart hurts for him. At this point, I’m still hoping Jack can be...but it’s not looking good.
Jack kneeling in front of Dean to be killed. Because while he’s dangerous, no he’s not evil or malicious. “I understand. You were right all along. I am a monster.” This is just...really sad. I’m sad.
Oh, SPN, you tried so hard, but I never thought Dean would be able to pull that trigger. Also the tragedy of Dean--he didn’t hesitate because Dean had a sudden revelation he wants to live so he’s not going to seppuku the problem after all. No, it’s because he just couldn’t do it to Jack in the end, to his son, who had earned his love and his trust after a rough start. Dean understands that this Jack isn’t the Jack he recently knew and Dean also understands how far gone Jack is and how dangerous. Yet he still can’t do it. This makes perfect sense to me. I could also see how he might have pulled that trigger (and that would have been horrible and it would have hurt Dean so much...and I don’t just mean because of the magic ricochet of that gun...it would be too much. And...it looks like this ep agrees with me on a textual and meta-textual level. Uh-huh.)
"This isn’t how this story is supposed to end.” Chuck, our author, isn’t enjoying the fact that his characters are doing things he didn’t plan on and didn’t intend (which happens during the creative process).
“Pull the trigger and I’ll bring her back,” Chuck offers. “No.” says Dean. “My mom is my hero and I will miss her every day of my life but she wouldn’t want this.”
And then Sam goes OFF. “over and over and over again...losing people we love.”
“This isn’t just a story. This is our lives.”
I am LOVING THIS. I actually clapped my hands with meta-ish glee. 
THE CHARACTERS ARE REBELLING AGAINST SPN’S OWN RELIANCE ON MISERY PORN AND I AM LIVING.
This is so self-critical. On a story/character level, this is amazing for Sam and Dean, who are defying fate, refusing yet again to be jerked around by a cosmic puppetmaster. Sam goes as far as defying the idea that they don’t deserve to be happy. Not in so many words. But he is flipping off the concept that all they are good for is suffering AND I AM SO PROUD and I think Dean gets it too but oh my poor Dean was just willing to commit seppuku and while Dean is rejecting being puppetted around, not for anyone, not even to save Mary, I don’t know if he’s at the place where he sees it how Sam does--that screw you, I don’t deserve to suffer like this open defiance. 
So Sam shoots God. lololol for a hot second there I thought Sam was going to kill God and welp that would have been a plot twist but no, just a flesh wound so Sam is wounded too.
Chuck’s not thrilled his favorite human pets aren’t playing along for his amusement.
“Story’s over. Welcome to the end.”
LIGHTS OUT.
Well. God was the big bad all along. GOD WAS THE BIGGEST BAD OF SPN ALL ALONG.
I was hoping Jack wouldn’t have to die. At least none of his dads had to kill him and the set-up with Jack landing in The Empty seems like he’s not gone forever. WHAT DID BILLIE MEAN “WE HAVE TO TALK.” About what. What is going on.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
IS THAT LA LLARONA
THAT’S BLOODY FREAKIN’ MARY
HOLY CRAP THE SOULS OF THEIR EARLIEST CASES ARE RISING FROM HELL
ALL THE SOULS ARE RISING FROM HELL
WE ALL SPECCED HEAVEN WOULD BREAK AND THE SOULS IN HEAVEN WOULD GET LOSE AND INSTEAD IT WAS ALL THE SOULS FROM HELL THIS IS AWESOME
SAM AND DEAN AND CAS!! TEAM FREE WILL ARE BACK TO BACK TOGETHER IN THE DARKNESS SURROUNDED BY ZOMBIES I WISHED FOR A MOMENT LIKE THIS FOR YEARS. TEAM FREE F*CKING WILL. ALSO A FINALE THAT HAD ALL THREE OF THEM UNITED. THANK DABB.
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charlie-minion · 4 years
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21 Supernatural Questions
I was tagged by @amwritingmeta – thank you for including me, sweetie. You’re so lovely! I gotta tell you that it honestly made my day when I read that one of my favorite meta writers considers my blog one of her favorites, so yeah… thanks! :’D
Now let’s tackle these super fun questions ;-)
1. When did you start watching Supernatural?
I remember I watched for the first time around 2009. Season 4 was on, here in my country, on Warner Channel. I’m sure that season had already finished in the U.S. at that time, but it was just starting to air here in El Salvador. I didn’t know anything about the show and I didn’t know what season that was either, but now I know it was 4 because all I remember was that some dude had rescued another dude from Hell. Period. I understood next to nothing about the plot because I hadn’t seen any episode prior to the beginning of S4. I caught a few episodes now and then and continued to watch for some time until the schedule changed. The eps started to air at 11:00 p.m. and I had to get up early for work, so I stopped watching.
In 2013, I spent one year living in North Carolina with my older sister. I was having a difficult time, so I moved to my birth country (USA) to escape everyone and everything. I had no TV in my room, but I had my laptop and my sis had the first 7 seasons of Supernatural, so I was like, “Hey! I might FINALLY understand that freaking show that looked so cool”. That’s how I started. I wasn’t planning to binge-watch the whole thing, but it became addictive pretty fast.
I loved the first 3 seasons, but once I got to season 4 and Castiel was introduced, I was hooked for real! When I watched season 5 and I saw the “I did it, all of it, for you” from 5x02, I started Googling Dean and Cas, because I was SO SURE I was seeing romance there, and I couldn’t be the only one. I was super excited when I found out there was a Supernatural FANDOM (back then I had no idea that was a thing). And I was even more excited when I learned about Destiel, about shipping, and about all the fandom culture. I joined Twitter, became a Misha stan because the more I read about him, the more I adored him, and I got caught up just in time to watch 8x17 live.
Can you imagine becoming a Dean/Cas shipper all on my own, doing research, finding out about Destiel and then the VERY FIRST EPISODE I watched live, while living in the U.S., was Goodbye Stranger written by Robbie Thompson?!! Those were the days!
I have been watching live, along with the fandom, ever since March 20, 2013. I joined Tumblr during the hiatus and started writing meta (accidentally) at the very beginning of season 9. So yeah! This show has been a very important part of my life for over 6 years now, and I don’t want to think about how things might change after the show ends. NOPE. Not thinking about it AT ALL. (At least not yet).
2. Who is your favorite in TFW?
I absolutely LOVE my three boys. I want them to be happy because they deserve it. But, we can all have a favorite, right? I was a Dean!girl when I started binge-watching. When Cas was introduced, I became a huge Cas fan, and I thought he had become my favorite. However, lately I’ve understood that I became a huge MISHA fan, and that’s a little different. If we’re talking about the SPN cast, Misha is and will always be my favorite because he’s a real life angel. I love that man with all I have! But, if we’re talking about the SPN characters, I have to admit that I will forever be a Dean!girl, no matter what.
I’ll continue after the cut because, apparently, it’s impossible for me to give brief answers :P
3. Who is your least favorite in TFW?
This question sounds cruel, but I want to understand it in a ranking way, not in an “I hate this character” one.
If I have to rank TFW, for me, it would be:
Dean
Cas
Sam
HOWEVER, let it be known that I love my three boys immensely, and I want a happy endgame for the three of them. If Dean and Cas had a happy ending, but Sammy didn’t, that would ruin it for me. Ranking doesn’t equal hating.
4. Tag your top 5 Supernatural blogs!
I’ve said I follow very few blogs because I curate my fandom experience a lot, but you guys make my time on Tumblr extraordinary. I enjoy seeing you in my dash, reading what you blog or reblog and just knowing that you’re around as part of this community. If you answer these questions, please tag me ‘cause I’d like to read what you got to say about our beloved show. Much love to each of you! ♥♥♥♥♥
@dimples-of-discontent @mittensmorgul @cas-you-assbutt-dean-needs-you @naruhearts @casthegrumpy @fangirlingtodeath513 @bluestar86 @viva-la-cockles @obsessionisaperfume @caswouldratherbehere @perfectlyelegantdelusion @occamshipper @amwritingmeta (and no, Annelie, I’m not tagging you because you tagged me; you truly deserve to be here). 
If you’re not tagged, please forgive my poor memory, but if we’ve talked before, or I reblog/like your posts, please know that I adore you. ♥
5. Who is your favorite character (not including TFW)?
Oh my! This is so hard to answer. Supernatural has had so many amazing characters that choosing only one is hard. But I guess I have to go with Charlie Bradbury. The only time I seriously considered to stop watching the show was when Charlie was killed off. I was very angry and disappointed, and 10x21 became an episode I truly hate. I don’t think I have ever re-watched the whole ep because the writing was SO BAD. Dean and Sam were stupid in that ep, and Cas was basically a lamp. I… NOPE. Disgusting episode for sure. And I lost my beautiful lesbian queen.
 6. Who is your favorite woman in Supernatural?
I should say Charlie again, but because she got covered in my favorite non-TFW character, I will choose someone else for favorite woman.
And that has got to be Rowena. I don’t think there has ever been a female character in Supernatural written better than Rowena. And because the show’s ending, there will never be.  
7. John or Mary?
Definitely Mary. We got to know her better. I know certain parts of the fandom didn’t care much for her, but I loved her a lot, not despite her flaws but because of them! She was made human in a realistic way. We had only seen the idealized version of her through Dean’s eyes, but once we got to meet the real Mary, it was something I enjoyed. John, on the other hand, is not a bad person, but he wasn’t the best parent. He loved his children, and I know that, but his love doesn’t negate all the crap he put his sons through, even if his intentions came from a good place. I like the closure the boys got with him in 14x13, though. I was not against it at all. But, as John would say in that ep, “Me versus your mom? That’s – that’s not even a choice.”
8. What were your first opinions of Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack?
Dean: Since the first moment I saw Dean, I knew he was faking and was trying to hide how broken he felt. That’s why I fell in love with him from the get-go.
Sam: My first opinion was that he was supposed to be the mature and detached brother.
Cas: I thought that he was meant to be the epitome for the enemies to friends trope. (And I added “to lovers” one season later).
Jack: The only opinion I had was that he was going to be the opposite of Lucifer. The characters were saying he was evil way too early for it not to be subverted. 
9. What’s your favorite season?
There are many seasons I love. I mean, this show has given us SO MUCH. But, season 8 is probably my favorite for two reasons. First of all, because it was the first one I watched live once I caught up. And to this day, the season finale still blows my mind.
And second, because it was when Carver took the reins of the show and did his best to fix the Gamble era. He gave the Dean/Cas dynamic a serious note, narratively speaking. I’ve said before that even though I shipped Destiel in the previous seasons, it wasn’t until season 8 that I saw an intentional development. It wasn’t played for kicks and laughs anymore, and it wasn’t just Misha’s and Jensen’s doing either. It was in the plot. The whole ‘I stayed one year in Purgatory just to get you back’ and all the ‘I couldn’t bear to think you didn’t want to come with me, so I chose to make it my fault’. Season 8 marked a new era, indeed, and Destiel became a real thing from then on, in my opinion.  
10. What’s your least favorite season?
Even though there are some episodes from that season that I truly love (and they’ve become memorable, like The French Mistake or The Man Who Would Be King), as a whole, I don’t enjoy season 6 much. After a formidable season 5, Sera struggled to keep the boat afloat and it shows. Season 6 is certainly the weakest.
11. Opinions on Destiel?
My whole blog was born because of Destiel, so? What do you want me to say? Hahahaha. Destiel is life. And I can divide my opinion in 4 (depending on the showrunner):
Destiel was a fortunate accident during the Kripke era. It was played for laughs and it was the result of whatever was going on between Jensen and Misha. Their chemistry had nothing to do with the script.
Destiel was a tool during the Gamble era. I don’t like to use the word “queerbait”, but I think the closest Supernatural has been to that was when Sera was the showrunner. It seems to me like she used the ship to lure the fandom and keep the audience, but it’s clear she had no intention of giving a resolution (we all know how she treated Misha, so…).
Destiel became an intentional part of the narrative during the Carver era. As I said before, it wasn’t until season 8 when you could clearly see that things were not accidentally there anymore. It wasn’t a joke, either. The ship sailed for real during the Carver era, but Jeremy was not allowed to give a resolution because the show continued to be renewed.
Destiel became canon during the Dabb era. I mean, I know people will argue that it’s not canon yet. And I understand what they mean. But, in my opinion, Destiel hasn’t been TEXTUALLY made canon, but when Andrew took the reins of the show, he made Dean and Cas sooooo married that I came to the conclusion explaining the subtext was unnecessary. It was WAY too in the nose to need explaining. So, I stopped trying hahaha. I don’t know if we’ll ever get Textual Canon Destiel, but in regards to Subtext, it can’t get more canon than that. And noooo, that doesn’t mean queerbait at all. Queercoding is a thing, you know?
12. Do you believe Supernatural queerbaits?
As per my previous answer, currently I don’t think Supernatural queerbaits. I do believe Dabb, Bobo and company want to give the Dean/Cas storyline a satisfying resolution. I have no idea what they will be allowed to do, but even if they can’t textually give us what we want, I have faith they will find a subtextually strong way to wrap things up. I enjoyed when Misha and Jensen explained in the DC Cockles panel the restrictions the CW puts, and I think it applies to so much more than blood and language.
13. Seasons 1-7 or 8-14?
Seasons 8-14, no doubt. For two reasons: 1) They are really good (and gave Destiel relevance) and 2) those are the seasons when I was already part of the fandom and could enjoy week after week.
14. Favorite villain (plot wise)?
I think Chuck is the best of the best. Because when we look back, we now know that all the other villains were thanks to Chuck’s machinations. Plot wise that’s amazeballs! I mean, the fact that we always thought (or hoped) that God was on the Winchesters’ side just to learn he was the villain all along. Chef’s kiss!
 15. Do you think they should end the Lucifer plot line?
I think they squeezed the freaking Lucifer plot line as much as they could… until it got to a point where I was sick of it. Everything related to Nick and Lucifer in season 14 was stupid and boring, to say the least. The plot line should have ended when Dean stabbed Lucifer. Although… I would have liked a better closure for Sam, but I’m good. As long as I don’t have to see Pellegrino again, I’m good.
16. Who do you think has gone through more trauma (Sam, Dean, or Cas)?
I don’t like this question and refuse to answer because trauma is NOT a competition (either in real life or in fiction). Trauma is trauma and it affects people. Something Sam went through was painful to him and that same thing may be less traumatic to Cas, but that doesn’t mean the repercussions and the suffering are less real for Sam, just because Cas suffered in other ways that may have affected him more. Trauma is personal. All I know is that the three of them have gone through A LOT and that’s why they deserve peace and happiness. Period.
17. What’s your favorite Supernatural episode?
There are more than 300 reasons to love this show. I mean, it’s almost impossible to choose ONE episode out of so many that I love. But for the sake of this question, I will answer with a very personal choice. My favorite ep could probably be 12x22 because of the moments between Dean and Mary. Dean needed a moment to finally say what he had been repressing all his life. All that hate mixed with all that love. He needed to let it out. And it was both gut-wrenching and beautiful to watch. I always cry when I see it (and I mean gross sobbing for real).
18. Do you like case episodes?
I like them most of the time. I don’t enjoy them so much when they air because I would like the plot to move forward, but it’s the case episodes where we learn more about what’s going on with our characters (their internal emotional battles) through other characters and subtext. It’s an interesting exercise, and that’s why I end up liking most case episodes in the end.
19. Who do you relate most to in TFW?
For people who have been following my blog for some time, this will come as no surprise. I relate the most to Dean Winchester.
In fact, I AM DEAN. I can find in my life every single thing about Dean’s journey. I came to accept my sexuality thanks to Dean (first as bisexual, and later as demisexual once I became more educated). I have felt worthless and like I don’t deserve to live or to be loved, just as much as Dean. I have felt like a burden, like I’m here just to help/please others, and if I’m not doing that, then I’m failing at life.
I get why Dean lashes out and hurts the people he loves even though he’s so afraid to lose them. I understand why Dean builds huge walls to protect himself from being hurt and what he needs to grow. Because his struggles are my struggles. And now I’m crying, so I better move on to the next question.  
20. Why do you like Supernatural?
I like Supernatural because I’ve been able to learn about myself thanks to the characters. Despite being a genre show, the personal journeys (character arcs) have been so real and relatable that I truly think this show is a masterpiece. The fact that I’ve grown as a human being thanks to an ordinary TV show is incredible. I don’t think there will ever be another show like Supernatural in my life.
21. If you could bring back one character and kill off another who would they be?
I would bring back Charlie. The original Charlie. I mean, I know we have seen lovely Felicia Day again thanks to AU!Charlie, but I couldn’t connect with her the same way I did with the original one. Probably because not even the boys have been able to connect with her the same way, either. They see her and they will always see the little sister they lost. It’s hard to think of AU!Charlie as her own person if she always reminds you of the one you lost. ETA: I forgot who I would kill. I guess no one. I mean, if Lucifer were still around, I'd kill him. Or Nick. I just got tired of his face.
Wow! This turned into a very long post, but I had so much fun.
I tag EVERYONE who would like to do this as a way to pay tribute to our wonderful show. Much love to y’all!
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monicawoe · 4 years
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12, 16, 21, 25
for the fanfic end of the year asks meme (thanks @slytherkins !)
12. favorite character to write about this year: It’s a tie between Eddie Brock/Venom and Sam Winchester. Venom fics have been incredibly fun to write and I’ve really been enjoying writing more humorous fics which is something I used to struggle with. But with Supernatural in its last season I also had a serious resurgence of need to write all the Sam fics!
21. most memorable comment/review:  “M A X I M U M T O A S T BABYBOI NO.”…which totally makes sense in context. Venom had some difficulties operating the toaster.
25. a fic you read this year you would recommend everyone read: Definitely The Holy Grail Bird by @denugis  Not just because she wrote this as a gift fic to me, but because it’s easily one of my favorite fics of all times. This is such an insightful look into Sam and addresses the Winchester’s Chuck Problem so cleverly, but more than that it brought me to tears in the best kind of way, the kind of tears that happen when somebody just gets it so spot on and so beautifully that your heart leaps and aches all at the same time.  If you are a Sam Winchester fan, do yourself a favor and read this immediately if you haven’t yet, and if you’ve already read it, then go read it again
16 fic(s) you completed this year (*saving this one for last since it’s a long response!) I completed 17 fics this year, of which 16 were posted–mainly Supernatural, Venom and MCU. This was such an awesome year for collaborations, big-bangs and fic exchanges. I had the opportunity to work with some truly stellar artists who are all total sweethearts, so thanks again to @sketchydean, @sdeeys, @vebirascanvasand of course @quickreaver for bringing my fics to life so beautifully. Thanks also to everybody whose prompts I filled for various events, and big thanks to my amazing betas for saving me from my own bad writing habits
Links, fic summaries, and gorgeous art banners below the cut!
Supernatural:
Lakeside Fishing - After defeating Famine, after days of suffering through demon blood withdrawal in the panic room, Sam needs time to clear his head. Early in the morning, he heads to a small lake seeking solitude, but instead finds an unexpected ally. (Sam/Patrick(S5ep7), 4k words)
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His Soul to Keep - art by @sketchydean - written for the SPN Eldritch Bang horror event - Dean’s deal is coming due soon. When he finds out from Ruby that Hell will turn him into a demon, he refuses to accept it, even though he can already feel pieces of his soul starting to crumble away. Sam is his only anchor to the world, and Dean finds it harder and harder to leave his side.   After Broward County, after watching Dean die a thousand deaths, Sam decides he’s not going to let Dean go to Hell. He’ll do whatever it takes, even if that means allying himself with Ruby and using the darkness inside of him. Sam casts a soul-binding spell on Dean; they might not be able to break the deal, but they can change who Dean’s soul belongs to. (13k, Sam/Dean, hard-gen, AU of season 3))
Thirteen Taps of The Ivory Beak - Death is a transient thing. The bird knows this, because she herself is both alive and not. Her creator made her this way, not by choice but because of who he is. (a companion piece to de_nugis’ The Holy Grail Bird, 900 words)
Whosoever Holds - Just when Sam Winchester needs it most, Mjölnir returns to him. But is he really worthy? (2k, gen Sam Winchester, Steve Rogers; MCU/SPN crossover)
The Devil You Knew - Brady, not Azazel, had killed Jessica, all those years ago. And now he was sitting across from Sam, bound. Trapped. (1k; an alternate version of Sam’s confrontation with Brady in 5x20)
Wednesday - It’s Wednesday. It’s always Wednesday, he thinks, as he stands up and leaves the motel room, not sparing a glance at the other bed. (2k, Mystery Spot boyKing!Sam AU)
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Last Drop - art by @quickreaver -written for the Twisted Tropes event - Sam/Brady AU set while Sam’s at Stanford:  Sam is slowly adjusting to his new life at Stanford University. He’s left his life of hunting behind, and traded it for endless studying and tests, but he’s plagued by dreams of Dean and Dad in danger, dreams of blood and violence. Then he meets Tyson Brady, who’s always there with a smile and a cup of coffee to get Sam through all-nighters. Sam’s dreams start to fade, but just as he’s getting used to a nice normal life, he starts to develop abilities—powers he can’t control. Brady thinks they’re great, but Sam knows power never comes without a cost. (14k, Sam/Brady)
Breathing, Talking, Dead Man Walking   -  John Doe, male, approximately thirty-seven years old. Subject was found by EMTs in close proximity to the site of a sizable explosion in Lebanon, Kansas. (2k, gen, Sam & Dean)
Venom:
Costume Party - Eddie and Venom are invited to a costume party at the museum. While there, they find a mad scientist in the dinosaur wing who is up to no good. (Symbrock, 5k words)
Reckoning Tartare with a Side of Tater Tots - Eddie Brock is writing a story about Will Graham, a man accused of horrific serial murders. But Eddie’s got a feeling Will is innocent, and somebody else is to blame. When Hannibal Lecter invites Eddie to dinner, Venom is surprised by the menu. (2k words; Venom | Hannibal crossover)
The End Times Are Here (But So Are We) - Eddie Brock crashes his motorcycle near Anathema Device’s Jasmine Cottage. She was expecting him, of course. Agnes Nutter’s prophecy had foretold his coming, just in time for the End of Days. (2k words; Venom | Good Omens crossover)
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Asunder - (bigbang featuring art by @sdeeys and @vebirascanvas !) Eddie and Venom have grown accustomed to their new life together. They patrol every night, keeping San Francisco just a little safer, and keeping Venom fed. But one night, they’re captured, and separated. Eddie wakes up to find himself imprisoned in a glass cell and, for the first time in six months, completely alone.  (Symbrock, PG-13, 12k words; written for the @symbrockbigbang)
Midnight Snack - Eight hours is way too long to wait until breakfast. Venom makes snacks while Eddie is sleeping. Unfortunately the toaster gives them some issues. (3k words)
They Say It’s Your Birthday - Venom asks Dan to help throw a surprise birthday party for Eddie. (3k words | written for the chocolate box gift exchange)
Marvel/Captain America
Interstitial Light - After Thanos wiped half of life off the planet, the remaining Avengers find a way to reach out to those they lost, using a combination of Stark-Tech, magic and their own memories. Steve makes contact with Bucky, but they spent too many decades apart when Steve was on ice. But there was somebody else who knew Bucky during that time—who trained with him, who knew both the Winter Soldier and James Barnes: Natasha. | 6k, Natasha, Bucky
Stumble and Fall Into You   -   Three months ago, Steve’s world shattered. SHIELD had been infiltrated by Hydra, people he trusted turned out to be enemies, and Bucky, who he thought he’d lost in 1944, had been alive this whole time. Steve tries to get back to some kind of normalcy, but Bucky is always on his mind, and lately he’s been seeing him everywhere. | 5k, Steve/Bucky
The 17th fic I completed this year is my Sam Winchester Big Bang fic, which will be posting early next year. I’ve gotten paired with yet another wonderful artist (I think it’s still supposed to be a secret, but it won’t be for long) and am very excited about this collaboration too!
Might as well make this my end of year stats post as well while I’m at it.
Words so far: 247,305 as of end of November, I’ll probably come in close to 280k by end of year. About a third of these words were posted as fics, the rest were prior drafts and a handful of short stories.
Thematically this was a very cathartic and iddy year for me in fic. Venom fandom gave me the opportunity to tackle things in a totally different way which has been incredibly freeing and fun to write, and returning to Supernatural fic had me writing out ideas I’d had on the backburner for years, like with Wednesday and my aforementioned SWBB. Nearly every Sam Winchester fic I write is about autonomy (loss of or reclaiming of) in one way or another but I’d say the two iddiest ones by far from this year were His Soul to Keep and Last Drop. 
I’ve got four WIPs heading into 2020, so here’s to another year of writing!
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Supernatural 15.05
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I don't care for this episode. I’m not mad at it, and I can understand why some would like it I just don’t care for it. 
This episode was written by Steve Yockey and it's his last work for spn, I feel like once you know this the rushed pace make sense.
I found myself surprisingly dissapointed considering it's about the brothers like this was a brothers only, angel-free episode for all intents and purposes I should be happy as a clam with it but I just can't get over the bad pacing, sloppy writing, just ok fight scene, and - no offense to Richard - uninspiring directing. Ok, those last two things are nitpicks, but the first two are a real problem.
I hate the pacing of this episode so much that no joke it can be considered the #1 reason I probably won’t be rewatching this episode in the near future, maybe ever; it's like the whole epi is on fast forward to the point where an entire spn epi happens in the first half hour, that's not a lie, the boys get a case, go undercover, find out what it is, go to the motel, save the girl, confront the monsters, all in the first 30mins of the show.
The first half of this epi could be it's own episode!
Then unsurprisingly, and I say unsurprisingly cause it's all written and played out so weird that there's no other explanation other than something else going on, it's revealed something else is going on- is it really a reveal if you saw it coming? I think confirmation is more fitting, it's confirmed something else is going on.
Which is when the second biggest problem I have with this episode appears: Lilith.
Lilith....Lilith really took away any fucks I was giving; Chuck apparently brought Lilith back from the empty, don't know how thought he couldn't bring back from the empty but i don't care enough to question it right now just like i'm not gonna question why he would bring back Lilith when surely the empty is full of more interesting, powerful monsters he could have brought back like maybe Zachariah idk I think he would have made more sense but whatever, point is Lilith is back and now working for Chuck I guess but she apparently doesn't like it but she still does what he ordered her to when she could have just idk joined forces with the boys told them what she knew about Chuck and let them kill her or something, I guess she hates the boys more than Chuck....whatever i don’t care enough 🤷‍♀️
Bringing this character back is in my opinion pointless and unnecessary and I'm going to tell you why; Lilith had a complete arc from beginning to end and she had a definite end that fit perfectly into the plot of the first 5 seasons. When a character has such a closed ending there's really no reason to bring them back imo, it can actually be a mistake sometimes; Lilith had no unfinished business, her being back doesn't add anything to the story unless they use her to bring back Sam's powers which I doubt they'll do and it would be kind of insulting to her character to bring her back just for Sam to regain his powers and then discard her. And you and I both know Dabb & co. are probably not going to use this character, they brought her back because well a. bringing back characters from the dead is their shtick, it's minimum effort that gets them praised and lets them sucker fans by saying stuff like 'an old fan favorite is coming back. somebody that hasn't been seen in years’ and b. s15 is Dabb’s version of s5 and Lilith was a big piece on the board to getting s5 rolling. 
I don't care for the actress that played her, I'm sure she was trying her hardest but I don't think she's a good actress and I found her portrayal of Lilith annoying but to be fair it is probably in part due to the script she was given; same with the werewolf brothers, I'm sure the actors were trying their best but they weren't that good and that's probably once again in part due to the script. 
Speaking of the werewolf brothers real quick they were a parallel to Sam and Dean and let me just say if the ending comes down to one of the brothers shooting the other they better do what the wolf brothers did cause I’m ok with both brothers dead, I am not ok with only one dead and the other living and I’m sure as hell not ok with one shooting the other then continuing on with their life that to me would be completely out of character for these two. 
Back to what I was saying...
I feel like I'm alone on this but I found the interactions between Dean and Lilith when he thought she was a civilian weird. It came across as - and I mean no offense to those who write this content - but their interactions came across as a badly written Dean x reader fic with the whole instant connection thing, which i found very OOC of Dean like I guess you could make the argument that it was Lilith controlling/manipulating Dean but honestly if she had that power she could have just gotten him to give her the gun.  And i think the whole connection was meant to be in a fatherly type of way but sometimes it came across as something else and....it was just done very weird. Like where were you going with this show? It's like they couldn't decide what they wanted that whole thing to come across as; I don't know the way it was executed was just weird to me.
I also didn't like that this episode puts it as if Lilith died because she let Sam kill her (you killed me because i let you), to me that takes away from Sam's story, yes he was manipulated into killing her but he killed her because of the strength of his powers, he became a demon blood addict so he could kill her that's basically the whole plot of s4. So implying that he killed her because she let him is pretty much saying he went through all the manipulation, the addiction, the pain for nothing because she could have just let him kill her at any moment. And you could argue she meant she let Sam kill her because of the manipulation but that's not how it comes across especially considering that she said she let Sam kill her as response to Sam saying he had already killed her once. 
I hope the writer didn't mean for this episode to be full of surprise reveals cause if he did he failed. 
The fact that it’s not a normal hunt and something was going on was made obvious from the start.
Sam and Chuck being connected because of the bullet wound has been suspected/known since the season premiere, this episode just confirmed it.
Sam's dreams being glimpses into possible endings has been speculated about since last week (perhaps earlier but last week is when i saw it).
The gun being destroyed is par for the course cause item that can help the boys always gets lost, destroyed or stolen.
By the end of this epi I was so done, not even the final scene made me feel something, I should be feeling for the boys and their situation, for Sam when he asks how they fight God but instead of feeling his pain I'm just thinking: 
How do you fight God? I don’t know Sam maybe: 
See if Death!Billie can help. 
See if you can bring back regular Death. 
Try to contact Amara. 
You are surrounded by books of lore Sam! 
Use the connection you have to Chuck to gain the upper hand.  
You've gone up against Pagan gods and won you can deal with the Christian one.
(As a sidenote how cool would it be if they brought back Death, and I mean original Death to reap God)
I won’t deny, there are good things in this episode, I of course like that it’s just the brothers and j2's acting is great as always. The ghost pepper jerky scene was really funny (tip! water won't actually help if you do eat something super spicy it might make it worse actually, instead drink milk or consume another creamy dairy product back to the post:), Sam and Dean look cute dressed as Fish and Wildlife, I loved Dean pleading asking Lilith not to kill/hurt Sam cause I'm a sucker for that shit, I'm glad Sam finally told Dean about his dreams, Sam still looks hot af in a white suit so there were a lot of little things and moments through out the episode that I actually did enjoy and were good but there were no true highlights, it's just little moments that are scattered throughout this mediocre episode. 
Like I said at the beginning of this post, I don’t hate this epi, I’m not mad at it, in this season alone - and keep in mind we’re only on episode 5 - we have gotten way, way worse epis, if you liked it that’s great, I just don’t care for it and as much as I like the little moments scattered through out they’re not enough for me to consider the overall of this episode anything other than bland and mediocre. 
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