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#so i mean i should take my pills and sleep since i havent in days but im also still not even tired
holylacydoll · 3 years
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gee, time sure flies when you're staring in the mirror & picking at every single blemish on your face :)
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soft-boi-eli · 3 years
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Mcyts helping a trans masc after top surgery. (Part 1)
Tw:swearing, pain pills, some hints to vomiting, fluff as well.
Wilbur
This simp...
Makes sure you regularly drain your drains, take your medication.
You dont even have to get the fuck up, I mean he's your personal butler until the doctor gave you the okay.
Three times a day you get a smoothie. He can tell that you dont want to eat because of the pain.
The least you can do is drink something to nurioush you while you were in pain.
If you're embarrassed about having to sleep on some dog pee pads for the drain. Dont be.
Wilbur may not understand but he will constantly comfort you. He'll even make a video to tell his viewers he won't be posting for a moment. A personal issues came up and that is all they know for now.
Also when cold he'll try to keep you warm by very, very gentle cuddles. But any sign of pain and he's off of you and getting you warm blankets and heating packs.
His sweaters? Now all yours. You have no say. He will give you one every day knowing you find alot of comfort in wearing his clothes.
The last thing he wants is you in pain. Especially if it was caused by him.
Your testosterone shot? Dont worry he's got it for you.
He doesn't want you to get up unless you needed to go to the restroom or you were itching to get up.
If you dont take it slow he will threaten you.
This is a threat. He will make you sit back down if you tried to get up and clean.
All in all he is a simp and your butler.
Technoblade
Technoblade may not know what to do but he will try.
He's quite nervous but when he realized you havent eaten and needed something in your system for your pain meds hell make you something soft and light on the stomach.
Are you cold? He'll cover you in a blanket and just sit next to you. Floof senses you in pain and cuddles you more then technoblade.
Techno was a bit butt hurt but knew that you needed alot of support right now.
With his height his clothes are either tight or loose. But his hoodies are always huge. And very fucking comfortable.
His scent relaxed you and helped you sleep at night.
He is a hidden simp.
He will make sure you're comfortable. If you want him to he'll sleep with you in the living room.
When you start walking him and Floof are constantly following you. Just to make sure you are safe and comfortable.
You cant help but love your two boys.
His streams and videos are already inconsistent but he did say his next video or stream might take a longer time.
But if you dont mind then you'll sit near him while he streams. If you needed anything he'll get it.
You saying hi to chat. They know you're in pain by your tone.
And anyone he's in a call with will ask what's up. And when you tell them they'll understand and they'll hype you up.
It warms techno's heart when his friends hype you up.
God this closeted simp is melting internally.
Schlatt
He will tease you.
Pictures are taken and spread around the internet like a wild fire.
Caption to those pictures?
This dumbass just got out of surgery and didnt expect to feel like trash lol.
But off camera he's quite the nice guy. Reminding you to drink your water, getting you soft foods or soups, heck he give you some of his pushies from his youtooz.
And this behemoth of a man will give you his shirt or hoodies.
You are with him when he streams or records.
There is no say.
He wants to keep his eyes on you and make sure you are comfortable and safe.
Lowkey dragged you bed into his recording room, you were just vibing in the corner.
You meds are on a set schedule. If the time lands when he's on stream he doesn't think. Just gets up grabs your meds and a premade smoothie.
With that he gave them to you.
Watching you swallow that pill because you can be stubborn with pain meds.
Returns to the stream.
Yells at chat for calling him a simp. He told them you were in pain and it's the least he can do for you.
Will low key rub your back off stream. As sleeping while sitting up us hell on your shoulders.
Jambo is all over you, soaking up the attention he can get while you were immobile.
Schlatt would glare st him for taking away his S/O.
When it came to you wanting to walk he will let you.
If you hurt then this man would laugh and tell you to sit your ass down. You are going anywhere just yet.
He's gonna carry you when you are in as much pain.
He's tall and there is no stopping him.
It makes him feel a bit happier due to the fact you aren't hurting as much, and still getting to the place you needed.
Also he will hug you if he sees you are uncomfortable. The hug is very soft and unlike him.
But at least he is trying.
He also keeps his yelling down, doesn't want you to make too many stiff movements. It would hurt the hell out of you.
Tommy
Ok. Hear me out, butler.
He see the pain you are in and as one of his best friends he wont let you do anything.
Your parents were out of town after your surgery and it wasn't their fault their work called in suddenly.
So you were sent over to Tommy's for the three weeks they were out.
Tommy would let you relax on his bed, heck even sleep on it as well.
Doesn't care if your drains stain the bed. That's an easy clean up and he wants you to be comfortable.
He does still stream. Because it's something he does for a living.
But he'll try to keep it a bit quieter.
You once walked out of the room when he was streaming. You looked like a gremlin, hunched over while you had to take a piss.
When you entered you were greeted by wilbur, techno, and phil telling you they hope you heal fast.
"It only gets better from now on (y/n). Take it easy alright?"-wilbur
"Congrats mate, just relax and dont forget to focus on healing."-Phil
"Yo you got the surgery. Pog. Stay healthy (y/n)."-techno
You melted lightly. A small smile graced your face.
It brought you joy and there was nothing that could compare to it. Honestly.
It seemed almost every day someone tommy knew was hopi g a speedy recovery.
He once yelled at chat for saying you should suck it up.
"CHAT THEY JUST WENT THROUGH SURGRY. LEAVE THEM ALONE!"
You forgot that your parents were even out for those weeks.
Tommy would definitely understand slightly that it would hurt to constrict your chest.
"You cold?"
When you nod tommy is up and handing you one of his hoodies. They are big and comfy. Easy to put on too. So they are perfect.
His two dogs, Walter and Betty?
Expect them in his room curled around you. Dogs know when humans feel pain and when they need something to comfort them.
The stream kind of enjoyed that.
They got wholesome content from you and dog content.
Win win.
Tommy will make sure you have your meds.
If it lands during a stream he blacks out the camera and carefully gets you the things needed for it.
Get you a best friend like tommy.
They wont let you do much when in pain.
Tubbo
He doesn't fully know what to do. He went and spent a few nights over at your house.
Your parents asked his parents for help so they sent over tubbo.
They made a list but the poor boy couldnt read it.
"A sm-oosthie with their pain pill... what the hell is a sm-oosthie?!"
It took him calling tommy to ask him to tell him.
"Tubbo. It says smoothie and who is this fo-."
He hung up before tommy could finish and made the smoothie.
Your cat was quite cuddly.
When he walked in your cat was on your lap.
"Tubbo? When did you get here?" Oh yeah it was a surprise.
"Not too long ago. Your parents left and asked me to help."
He was doing it in all good.
But he scared you so badly.
He bought you a stuffed animal...
It was a huge minecraft bee. And by huge I mean huge.
Like here's the stuffed animal.
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Ignore the child. I wished there was a better picture.
But yeah you get the point.
Tubbo may not know how to help you fully but he's trying.
Tommy came to visit with wilbur and phil.
Tommy was meeting up with them and you lived close to wilbur.
When they saw you laid up in bed, tubbo trying to find out how to help with your medication phil kinda went father mode.
You got homemade soup to take your meds.
Tubbo was quite happy to see you smiling and lightly laughing.
When they left you felt better.
Tubbo may not know how to do alot but he tried his best. And you loved every moment.
You got you best friend to help you. And nothing was better then that.
Ranboo
Ranboo spent the night and all you guys could do was joke about the pain.
The jokes were quite self deprecating too.
All night you guys were up.
You couldn't sleep because of the pain and he didnt want to sleep due to the fact he didnt want you to be alone.
So you two were sleep deprived and your parents were concerned. But understood you two didnt want the other to feel bad.
After you healed a bit your parents got called into work. Leading to you spending a few days over there.
Ranboo streamed a recorded with you in the back ground.
He forgot you were there once and he turned on face cam. There you were in the background nose deep into a book while wearing one of his hoodies.
You were freezing and your shirts were a bit too tight.
He just gave you one of his and that was that.
"Whis in the background?"-dono
"In the background?" He turned around to see you just reading your book.
"Oh. That's one of my friends. They had a surgery a week ago."-ranboo
He turned to you, "(y/n) say hi to stream."
Looking up you waved.
"My gay mind went brrr at the idea of no sacks of fat. Now body do the big pain."-(y/n) 2021
It brought a laugh to ranboo and his chat.
You joked through the pain. It was funny.
Dream
What is this I see? He's a simp indeed.
Low key he's answering your beck and call.
He's smothering you in love.
It may not be physical affection but it is still affection.
Your hoodies are replaced with his.
They are huge and comfy.
He saw something online that reminded him of you.
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He said it was cute and decided you needed it.
You loved it. It helped you sleep.
Since sapnap lives with him he sends in sapnap sometimes because he's recording or has to get something that wasn't in the house.
Also when you found the zipper you unzipped it and found dream stashed some gift cards and little trinkets in it. Along with a note.
'Knew you would of found this.'-Clay
It shocked you kind of.
But you loved it. It was quite comforting that he gave his affection in these ways still.
Even if it wasn't physically.
Patches is on you 24/7.
She's cuddling you and being very gentle on you.
Low key she won't leave you though, she's following you everywhere, on your lap, sitting there when your on the toilet.
She's clingy. More clingy then before.
But it warmed your heart.
If george visits then he'll see a little gremlin making a b line to the bathroom.
All because the pain made your stomach feel upset.
And you hadn't eaten anything because of pain.
Dream is quick to rush in and see what's wrong.
You were sitting on the ground in the bathroom. Needless to say it didnt end well and you hated it.
"Baby. Do you want me to get you a smoothie and your pain meds?" You were grateful.
After leaving the bathroom you lightly hunched over you noticed the British man in your living room.
You watched his videos.
You waved lightly with a smile.
"Oh sorry (y/n) I didnt tell you george was coming did i?"
Your look told it all.
"Sorry you have to see me like this." You had the urge to apologize.
"No dont be sorry. Surgery is painful."-george
With a small nod you went back to your room and relaxed.
George
He didnt know what to do at all.
He answered your requests.
But he didnt know why you needed that thick ass blanket in the middle of the summer.
But now you have it.
Your stuffed animal that was left in the living room?
It's in your arms by your side.
He's sad it wasn't him in your arms but understood it would cause you pain.
He just lightly lays in your lap.
It brought you comfort and him comfort.
Your germilin ass tended you get up and walk at the weirdest time too.
3am?
Your are going to get a snack.
5am?
You are on your way to the toilet.
7am?
Your once more in the kitchen getting something to eat with your pain pill.
George slept through it and was confused when you weren't in bed like the doctors told you to.
He's quite meticulous with your meds and eating habits.
He doesn't push but makes sure you have something with that pill.
Hell try to help you with your bandages. But sometimes got queasy at the blood and stuff.
It was okay with you though.
You didnt mind that due to the fact that you too got queasy as well.
I think you guys sleep through this alot.
Wilbur and tommy visited.
You was shocked and confused when they had a few get well soon gifts.
Tommy got you a small fidget toy, just something to do with your hands sometimes.
Wilbur got you a few books and a small stuffed toy.
It was a orca.
You loved it but still loved the one that george got you.
He got you a little wooloo one.
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It was something that was soft and easy to cuddle.
But the books wilbur gave you were amazing.
It gave you something to do for a long while. And it gave george some more cuddle time.
Other than not knowing what to do george was a great source of comfort.
Sapnap
Sapnap is a bit more experienced with it.
Kind of knowing what to do and all together he just know more then most people.
There is a regular schedule for you meds and so called meals, he changes out the dog pads if he notices them dirty. He knows how to maneuver himself next to you so there was no pain.
He also sucked up that he would be overwhelmingly hot and sat next to you under the blanket.You weren't nearly as cold because of that.
Also since sapnap lives with dream I imagine that dream pops in some times and so does patches.
You all were probably best friends as children. And people always thought that you and dream would get together.
Only because you two were more touchy.
But you saw him as an older brother, and took a liking to sapnap.
Dream was really suportive and saw you as a little sibling.
Dream probably saw you not doing to well and made you something to eat and brought your pain medication.
That was because sapnap was sleeping next to you.
Patches curled up between to two of you and dream brought in something you hadnt seen before.
A roll away bed.
This mother fucker got a whole new bed just so he could sleep in the same room as you and sapnap.
"Sapnap is a heavy sleeper. What if you need something?" He was correct.
You woke up to pain and discomfort.
Dream woke up but sapnap didnt.
You were mainly cold though...
How the hell were you cold with this man radiating radiation the heat of a thousand suns?
No clue. But probably the anesthesia since you were in sapnap room dream just opened the closet and tossed his hoodie to your lap.
You woke up sapnap when you put on the hoodie on accident.
He pushed up against your shoulder a bit more and draped his arm over your lap.
"What's wrong?" Sapnap mumble made you stiffen up. Dream seemed to fall back to sleep too.
"Just a bit cold." He lightly nodded into your neck.
"Mmmmmm. How though."-sapnap
"I dont fuckin know."-(y/n)
He let out a sleep chuckle and seemed to fall asleep again.
You just sat there. Patches and sapnap on you lap technically.
Sapnap woke up and made you breakfast at some point. You were in and out of it due to barely any sleep.
Dream woke up as well. You didnt even know when they left. But patches stayed with you.
Those weeks you were treated the best with these two with extra cuddles from patches.
I didnt know there was a max amount of paragraphs. But hey I guess it's something you find out sooner or later. So there is going to be a part 2. Including some character I missed.
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Circus of Carelessness (Pt.2)
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"What'd you mean? You saw both of us last night didn't you?" Remy said, tilting his head slightly.
"Nope, never met you in my life," Virgil replied, tapping his fingers on the table in front of him. Remy's face fell slightly behind his glasses.
"Well I uh, sorry for bothering you," he said, looking down slightly before walking away.
Virgil sat at his booth, giving out fortunes and talking to the occasional decent costumer.
That night there was no sign of Remy or Remus, so Virgil walked to Drew's cabin alone, took his pills, and fell asleep.
The circus was busy today, spring break had started and parents wanted an excuse to tire their children out before they got to much energy. Virgil didnt mind, he'd sing and dance for the children before showing them card tricks and giving out fortunes. He'd watch their tiny little faces light up with awe at the sparkles and ribbons and showmanship of his act.
But today, today was different. There were children, yes, but there were lots of men in suits and glasses and hats.
One of them approached Virgil's booth, a man with brown eyes that glinted yellow in the light and his hat covering the side of his face.
"Mr. . ." The man stopped to look for a sign of identification.
"Whitlock," Virgil offered.
"Whitlock, yes, I believe you remember me from yesterday? I asked about those two boys?" Said the man, showing Virgil the picture of Remy and Remus.
"I dont recognize them, and I don't recognize you, and I'd appreciate if you'd leave me alone," Virgil said.
"Very well, but I do have a few questions for you first," said the man.
"Fine, ask me your questions," Virgil said, crossing his arms and propping his boots up on the table.
"Can you tell me what your day here usually looks like?" Asked the man, there was a slight glint in his eyes.
"Well I wake up, then I get ready to come here and give out fortunes, then I do aerial performances in the main show, then I come back here, then I go home and take my pills and the Ring Master or one of my uncles takes me back to my cabin to sleep," Virgil said, as though he'd told this story a thousand times.
The man raised an eyebrow at him "And what kinds of pills are you taking?" He asked.
"Anti-depressants, birth control, anxiety medication, and sleeping pills," Virgil stated.
The man's eyes went wide "what do these sleeping pills look like exactly?" He pressed.
"They're sort of a pinkish color, I put them in my water before I take any of my other meds and I use that water to take them," Virgil said.
"Can you tell me more about these uncles of yours? How many are there? Where do they come from?" The man said.
"Oh they're not really my uncles, I just call them that because it's easier than learning there names, they've been helping the current Ring Master and his father take care of me since I got dropped here when I was seven," Virgil said, pausing to take a breath "they dont do much, they're in the shows of course but they mostly work as clowns or do the concession stands, though sometimes there'll be uncles that come from somewhere else," he finished.
"And what about this memory loss of yours, do you know what might be causing that?" Said the man.
"Its probably an ADHD or anxiety thing, isnt memory loss supposed to be common with those?" Virgil responded.
The man merely nodded and walked away. A few moments later Drew had run up to Virgil's booth, yelling at him about talking to people who were clearly not to be trusted and asking what all he told them.
That night Drew wasnt at his cabin, instead three of Virgil's uncles had come to visit him, Virgil took his pills and he went to bed, closing his eyes and hoping whatever was going on would be over by tomorrow.
It was about three in the morning when a chorus of sirens broke out over the cabins and tents. Virgil jolted awake, pulling his sleeping mask off and peaking through the window. He barely had time to register what was going on before he felt an arm around his waist, and felt something slip over his mouth. He tried to struggle against it, but he was much to tired at that point.
He woke up in a place he didnt recognize, laying on a cot in a dark room. He sat up and looked around, all that was there was a closet containing his work costume, his binder, a few t-shurts, and a few jeans; as well as a table with a lamp on it, a bookshelf, and a chair.
Virgil stood up and walked to the door, pulling on it in an attempt to get it to open.
"That wont work," the voice of the man from earlier sounded from under the door.
"Where am I! I havent done anything wrong! Let me out!" Virgil said, banging his fist on the door.
"You're not in jail, you're being kept here for your safety, the Ring Master of your circus, Drew Clairmont, as well as these uncles you've referenced, have been making and distributing illegal drugs, those things you call 'sleeping pills' are actually memory altering, and meant to make you forget specific occurrences, it's likely that these uncles were there to tell you exactly who and what to forget before you woke up," Virgil stepped back from the door, eyes wide.
"You'll be here for a few weeks, it seems as though you've had them in your system for nearly fifteen years, much longer than the other members of your circus," said the man.
"So what's going to happen when I get out? Huh? Where are you gonna take me?" Virgil said, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Once you're better you'll have free range of Remy and Remus' house, they've offered to let you stay for as long as you need," said the man.
"I dont remember who those are!" Virgil said, he was shaking, his legs felt numb.
"Let me handle this Jan," Remy's voice sounded from beside the door. The door opened and he stepped inside, taking Virgil's hands in his own.
"Follow my breathes Virgil, you're going to be ok, we're going to help you," Remy said, Virgil merely listened for his breathing patterns, watched his chest rise and fall and followed along.
"There we go, now it's late, you should get back to bed," Remy drowned Virgil's protests out with soft whispers as he lay him back onto the bed, running his fingers through Virgil's soft hair, singing quiet lullabies until Virgil was fast asleep.
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Tag list:
@meowthefluffy
@thecolorfulolive
@spooky-scary-virgil
@youtuberswithalex
@misunderstoodshadowling
@nerosdayinhell
@fangirlfiles1
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harrywritingsbyme · 3 years
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Anyone else have a love- hate relationship with your period? TM WARNING lol
Like i love my period for the exuses i get to use but hate it too
Like i NEVER have to take medicine even when on- today i had to take ibuprofen just because my period gives me a fuckin headache all the tome when on it but today- I literally haven’t slept in well over 24 hours and i have to stay awake for class but cannot stand the bullshit my teachers say and deal with a headache at the same time-
I also hate my birth control pills (im still a vergy its to control my period) but the thing is whith them is that I literally dont care about them that much which means i have gotten so behind on them that i LITERALLY haven’t had a good/heavy period in over 2 months (ik ik not healthy) besides for spotting so this week im have a really really heavy one since ive gotten back on track. Which means i have to use tampons cuz they are the only thing that i dont have to change every five minutes and i DISPISE fucking tampons cuz why the fuck should i shove somthin up my 🐱and feel like i have to pee or start having cramps just because something is up there-
ON THE TOPIC OF PADS
I hate them but love them- so i never trim- dont see the point- which means that my bush is really long sometimes- and i use the super long ones (not the ultra long) cuz my period blood can spread. I hate having to literally PULL my bush out of the sticky part of the pad cuz it won’t stick to my underwear- my vergina is already fuckin sintive as it is because of being on my period- that just makes it ten times worse. I like using pads cuz i don’t usually have a very heavy period which means i never have to use tampons but other than that i hate it. 
I really really really want to buy a nice pj set and sheets but I refuse because of my fucking period too.
ONTO OTHER TOPICS
Why cant pads or tampons be free!? Like hunny- Some of us are broke as shit and can’t afford it half the time and all you doing is making the fucking prices go up. Ridiculous
Dont even get me started on the topic of MEN
Fucking idoits thinking tehir life is hard and that we disurve yhe way they treat us- like (big big warning here) lets say soemone gets r$&@d they say it’s because of the way she dressed. Bitch what the fuck!? If us woman go out in a short skirt and tank top we physically have to keep an eye out for predators just because we started to feel confident and comfortable in our clothes to go out. Why should woman have to check their back seats before getting in the car!? Why should we have to hold out keys like a weapon?! Why should we have to make sure our windows are locked 3 times before going to bed. But men cant? Then men have a adulasity to say things like how we arnt strong enough like bitch what the fuck does your dick do? Does it literally PUSH a HUMAN out of it?!? Doe sit bleed every damn month? No so fuck off- our bodys lets expain that- we have periods because our verginas got prepared to be pregnant but we never did so our body decided have some fuckin revenge and make us bleed every month-
Men treat women like objects. There are only a few who understands litteraly every i just said.
As you can tell- ive had a bad day and its only 9 am.
Im on my period and just want cuddles from harry a guy who actually understands shit like this 🥺🥺
Ive never taken medicine during my period and ive having tok because i cant stand shit today. I havent slept in 24 hours and had a mental breakdown at 6am today.
I wanna sleep but i cant cuz i want to advoide getting yelled at at all costs. If i skip school taht means i get yelled at. Even if it was to fuckin sleep.
The next time i get yelled at for not turning in grades imma just sit there and cry. Like its not my failt km mentally unstable rn because of school its not my fault I literally have no motivation to do shit tgat i WANT to do.
I got yelled at for me starting to clean my room but not finishing it for god over a week because i lost all motivation to do literally anything even eating.
Sorry i needed to rant- But about the period and men shit- prodve me wrong if you can
-🧩
this was a ranttttt...but im rlly glad that you got all of this off your chest babes🥰😂🥺❤️periods and men definitely suck!!! but I hope that you're able to get back on track with your birth control, I hope your periods become less of a strain and not as painful, i hope that feminine products will be free in the future bc none of us CHOSE to have a period, i hope that all the bad men in the world get yeeted off a cliff, i hope that you're able to find some peace in your life and in regards to your school work, i hope that you're able to regain some motivation to get some things done, and i hope you find a great guy that isn't a piece of shit🥰❤️ilysm bbyyy!!
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yyxgin · 3 years
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no bar!! never fret about replying late. i know what it’s like to not want to talk to anyone. honestly. i won’t call it (my experience) a depressive episode bc one of my friends used to brush off me when i was saying things like i’m depressed and say ‘sad’ instead. like if i were to say ‘that made me/i am depressed’ she’d say something like ‘oh god same! like if it’s making you sad,, don’t do it.’ which is a v poor example of what she did but i never called it depressed after that bc she pissed me off n was disregarding of my feelings (even though she’s incredibly anxious herself) bc i didn’t get it officially diagnosed. idk if you’ve ever read about birth control pills but i always read on tumblr people calling them literal depression pills and i ignored it, thinking either 1) people were being dramatic / were over-dramatising it or 2) it wouldn’t happen to me anyway. it fucking happened and they were not being dramatic. i was never happy n always working on minimal sleep n making self depreciating jokes all the time bc it was the only way i could cope with my thoughts n constant mood swings. so what i’m trying to say is,, i know how it feels. if that’s any consolation. it’s not me trying to be ‘oh me too!’ or ‘mine was worse than you’ it’s just me being understanding n telling you it’s okay. also lemme at your friends!! i’ll stomp them out n get the barman to run them over for you!! they’re so mean to forget you!! i find that deciding i want to do something specific n then asking the appropriate people if they want to do saïd thing/place works for me. it can be a simple ‘we should do this, when are you free?’ helps. making it known that you want to do things helps. or aggressively remind them that it’s nice to be asked bc it means they thought of you even if you couldn’t go n tried to include you. or we can revisit me stomping them out w my beloved barman,,, whatever works best for you my dear <3
admittedly me and one of the girls were discussing that we are going to miss our manager. even though literally everyone moaned about her (i feel like it’s impossible to avoid in literally any job/situation) she did have her moments and she did a lot for the staff like after work-drinks, asking the chefs if we could order off of the customer menu instead of the staff menu or whatever they cook in bulk for everyone to take home in the evening. apparently she did this a lot more than the previous manager. she has a good heart but sometimes she ignored some of the girls when we ask for days off or our availability for the week which was very annoying of her. it could’ve been a lot worse, i suppose, but overall she wasn’t terrible.
thé lady who lives in my town and drops me given the chance, told me the other night that she used to be the duty manager. i asked her why she stopped and she explained that when they furloughed everyone they asked her to come back on like half pay or something? idk i just remember it being explained as they wanted her to come back sooner and take away her furlough so she said no and got demoted. but somehow she still gets some of the furlough? idk i have been taught that asking how much or discussing specifics of paychecks kind of thing is rude, growing up. she has been telling me they keep asking her to come back (now they’re asking her to be a supervisor since she declined the manager role) and she keeps saying no. i love her and want the best for her so i won’t say anything to anyone about the conversations me and her have had (i mean, apart from maybe my mum if i can remember, and you bc, let’s be real, you don’t know me and idk you) and she says they’re just difficult to work with as a management team. she even said our area manager isn’t impressed with our current assistant manager (who is currently the only person on an houred contract since our manager left) which shocked me since i personally think he is quite good considering he has a good relationship with the staff and kitchen (he’s thai so he can communicate with the kitchen better than most of the wait staff (some wait staff are thai but mostly not)) i think she doesn’t want to be the eldest person in management or she doesn’t want the age gap to be so big since she has a kid she can lecture at home, she doesn’t need to be looking after people at work, y’know?
also today, me and one of the girls were upstairs (two floors of the restaurant!) and it’s nearing 11pm and her brother (who also works there) comes up and asks us when we’re finishing (mostly her lol) but we had two tables just sitting talking amongst themselves so she just said idk. he was saying he wanted to go bc he’s tired etc n he’s driving n she was like it’s fine go home i’ll call an uber or something n he was refusing to leave her behind. (i feel like i brushed over the two tables sitting there but it must be noted they’re the only tables left in the entire restaurant and we were the only two wait staff still there, apart from her brother but he changed and was waiting downstairs). anyway, she was sweeping (i was cleaning the booth/sofa thingy chairs as it was a mundane task we could do to pass time and while she was sweeping by one of the tables thé boyfriend was whispering to his girlfriend saying ‘should we go?’ and the girlfriend said ‘why should i care?’ and the girl came over to tell me v quietly and i got so upset for her. bc she is literally the sweetest person on the earth and the only reason i didn’t go to ask the manager to see if i could go home with the lady who offers to take me (ex-duty manager lady!) was so she wasn’t alone up there. if i had been the one sweeping near that table i would’ve snapped so fucking hard at them. i mean, we’re 18 and have lives and sleep schedules, and we’re working until 11pm on a thursday before we even get home?? like i wouldn’t have minded staying if they were reasonable tables but after the gf said that i was like ‘shall i go get our stuff from the staff room?’ so i could split as fast as possible. in the end the temporary acting manager came up and told us we could finish and she kicked the tables out ten minutes later. i told her what the table saïd and she thought that was mean and unnecessary too. i was also worried about my sleep tonight since i have my first vaccine tomorrow morning. that’s why i was more pressed about what time i left work today. oh well.
im sorry for talking so much about work! sometimes i don’t have someone to talk to about it (at home) bc of my weird hours and sometimes i don’t like re-explaining things to my mum if she doesn’t get it the first seven times. sometimes it’s just a little too draining as she doesn’t understand since she’s a lifer at her job. it’s easier to explain to my dad but then i get a whole lecture on something that i ultimately have no control over n id rather just bitch w the girls at work but the problem is WE’RE AT WORK!!!
also i booked for my first tattoo!! i’m excited. it’s for next week,, which was super quick considering i was expecting to have to wait soooo much longer. i’ve been telling people about it and that it’s happening but i haven’t had the pleasure of telling people exactly where i got the idea from. bar, my dear, you know wheein’s new album, redd? well, it comes with loads of things, including these stickers (one for each song) and the one from springtime was just so perfect and when i saw it my first thought was, this would be a perfect tattoo. and so i am having it tattooed on my body. a subtle nod to kpop whilst also having something meaningful on my body. i also have just decided i want a small, minimalistic (or one-line art) rose on my sternum, kind of in the valley of my breasts, bc my nan was a rose. i like having her close to me. i recently got her necklace fixed which has left me feeling so incomplete after it broke in august last year. it’s been almost ten years and i think i’m long overdue something to remind me of her. i fiddle with my necklace when i’m nervous which is why i love it so much but incase it breaks again (i pray it doesn’t but i have a long life ahead of me) i would like her close still.
gosh there’s never enough space in my head to remember what i want to tell you so i’ll stop here for now since i should sleep to be able to wake up in time for my first jab. i’m scared but it’s whatever i’ll do it i suppose,, eeek 😨
ilyl ~ 🌻
thank you so much for opening up to me about this, it means a lot to me :( i am so sorry you had to go through this and honestly,, i really resonate with you. i feel like when i talk about my emotions and my sadness (dont know if its okay to call it depression either but yea), my friend either always either makes me feel like my emotions arent valid or she tells me she doesnt know how to help, which is frankly, why i dont talk about my emotions to people irl anymore. i dont open up and it takes me a long long time to do so if i ever do, because i tend to feel insecure/not safe :D so really, thank you for telling me and i hope you are doing better. your emotions are valid and i am always here for you 
HAHAHA i mean i dont have many friends so theres not many to stomp on:( but i mean,, i get passive aggressive when i feel forgotten/left out so you best believe i told my friend how im feeling, but like uhhh it didnt do much. i spent the whole weekend at work and i was free on friday but my friend decided to ditch me and yeah. i havent been out in like two weeks now and i mean i am an introvert so i dont mind that much but even i want to socialise sometimes
aah i mean every manager has their flaws, no one’s perfect. my manager keeps calling me to go to work even though i was literally there for 11 hours on saturday AND sunday which means i worked for 20 hours in two days. and i work 20 hours a week at max. and i already worked some hours before the weekend so i think i have like 30 hours now and she keeps calling??? dude i need a break too,,i am so exhausted and tired of this shit :dd
oh i totally get what the lady that drops you off sometimes told you. i would feel a little iffy if i heard it too, but like,,,judge by your own experiences!! if you feel like something is off, you can always leave,, so i wouldn’t be so stressed about it.
why are people so rude ??? dude,,you should care, because we are all human. everyone has their needs and their lives and i bet he wouldnt like it if he was the one in your place. why should you stay there longer just because he didnt want to leave?? that was so unnecessary. people are weird beings and i learnt that after working with them this weekend,,,like i litereally got screamed at because i couldnt accept cash in different currency. like,,what tf do you want me to do?? i dont have every single currency with me so i could give u the change ?? tf ??
ALSO ITS OKAY TALK ABOUT YOUR WORK HOWEVER MUCH YOU WANT !!!! i also feel like i dont have anyone to talk to about work bc my parents dont listen to me as much as they used to these days and my friend unsurprisingly just doesnt care bc she doesnt work,, and i dont wanna talk to my internet friends abt it as much bc i feel annoying so i am glad us two can talk about these things together !!!! 
YOUR FIRST TATTOOOO WHOAAAH thats so cool. i love tattoos hihi dfkja idk if u already had the appointment but tell me how it went after !! i wasnt able to find the sticker on the internet but im sure it looks hella pretty. also i love how it reminds you both of kpop and your grandma, its wonderful <3 i really want to get a tattoo one day,, and i also want something meaningful (not that i am hating on people that tattoo themselves just for fun and have no meaning behind their tattoos i just have commitment issues so i want something long lasting). alSO my crush (yes i have a crush now ew) has a tattoo and it looks like satan lowkey,,but apparently its a japanese something (i forgot the word oopsies) and it means jealousy, bad past and wisdom ?? i was like BOY IF U DONT??? fjdkla he has blue hair btw i am very much whipped but he also doesnt know me and i am older than him so this is embarrassing
ALSO I HOPE YOURE FEELING WELL AFTER GETTING THE VACCINE !!! 
ily <333
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daddychims · 5 years
Text
The Muse
Genre: Smut, PWP, Author AU
Pairings: Fuckboy!Tae X Author! Reader X Colleague! Jungkook
Other BTS members all make a cameo as well because I’m an OT7 Trash!
You find yourself in a dead end , contemplating if you should just quit your job as an author in a big publishing company when your boss demands you to add more “Edge” to your writing. But your best friend is quick to give you a hand out of your misery, suggesting he could be your “Muse” for the night to help you in desperate times.
Word Count : 30K
Warning:
Smut, Dom!tae , Fuckboy!tae , implied DDLG , Cum play , Throat fucking, Gagging , a bit of Breath play, Choking Kink, Thigh riding, rough sex, Unprotected sex, Spanking, daddy kink, alcohol use, swearing, PWP, Exhibitionism, Voyeurism, Pure filth basically! Read at your own risk!
Author’s Note: If you think this fic is familiar is because I posted this a long time ago. While I was polishing my masterlist I accidentally deleted all chapters. I was devastated but I figured I’d just edit it and repost it as a one shot. If you’ve already read this and enjoyed it please reblog and like! If you havent, well enjoy 30K of pure filth, you’re welcome! 
Inspired by It Aint My Fault by Zara Larson
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You knock the black file on the table, the sight of it makes your stomach turn at the memories associated with it. You spare a glance at the guy flipping his purple hair away from his face, totally ignoring the masses of people behind the bar waiting to be served with their cash in hand.
“You alright Babe?” He asks in pure concern and you nod settling on the chair that is too high for your height.
“Can I have something strong, anything will do!” you breathe out with an exhausted tone and he quickly turns around and reaches for one of the higher shelves, pushing a couple of bottles to grab the hidden bottle before coming back to where you’re sitting
“Is it that asshole again?” he asks as he grabs a big piece of ice and starts shaving it skilfully into an Iceball before placing it in a glass and filling it with some of the magical drink.
“This is why you shouldn’t get married, Jimin.” You say as you take a sip and wince at the stinging burn rushing down your throat while the guy standing in front of you waits patiently for more elaboration on your bizarre statement “Because then when your marriage is fucked up your employees will have to pay for it”
He laughs as he quickly fills the top of your glass with the bottle in his hand “Maybe you should just fuck him and relieve some of the stress his wife gives him.” he suggests and receives a glare from you as your indulge yourself back on the hard liquor
“Fuck who? me?”  The deep voice echoes in your ear and you sigh, already annoyed at the guy who’s done nothing but is settling beside you.
“Jung is giving her a hard time,” Jimin explains to his friends before placing the bottle in front of you two and making his way to the rushes of people his colleague can barely take care of at the other side of the bar.
“So you wanna fuck him?” Taehyung asks as he leans in over the bar and grabs a glass for himself, a couple of weird looks being thrown his way, he can’t care less about. He practically owns the place so if anyone has any right to lean in and use and abuse the bar all he wants, he would be the rightful owner.
“He’s already fucking me up in that meeting room every single day,” you scoff gulping down the rest of the glass and he quickly fills it up for you “And I let him and his assistants take turn fucking me like their little corporate whore, like the idiot I am.” you scoff bitterly, the rageful words leaving your lips one after another
“Damn … you really are a writer. You just described a really good gangbang. Are you into writing porn these days? ” He muses receiving a scolding hiss from you “Easy!” he spits back holding his hands defensively.
You place your elbow on the table and rest your head on your palm as you mutter “He says my final draft doesn’t have enough edge to be published, He wants something that is enough for people to either drink or masturbate.” You roll your eyes as you repeat the man’s quote from your meeting earlier
“So he wants either a sex scene or a tragic death?” Taehyung clarifies as he shakes his head “Jesus, Seokjin Hyung wasn't joking when he said his marriage is fucking him up.”
“I fucking know,” you groan in agreement “He either really wants to bone his wife or he wants to kill her in her sleep,” you scoff “Either way I’m the one being mind fucked here.”
“Well …” Taehyung presses his back on the high chair as he calmly suggests “If he wants it so bad, just write one.”
You knock the glass on the table “As If I haven’t considered that Genius.” you snarl
“Well, I mean you’re a fucking writer. You’ve written more ridiculous things than a tragic death or two people banging. Can’t you just push one in?”
“The main character has already had a near-death experience she lived through, its gonna look super cringy if I push another tearjerker”
“Then make them fuck,” Taehyung shrugs “Can’t be that hard if your character is a modern-day thot.”
You gulp biting the corner of your lips at his statement “I don’t write erotica, Tae” you say through gritted teeth
“You’re making a big deal out of this. just think of the last time you got laid and put it into words-” he pauses midway through his sentence as the corner of his lips curves into a smirk “Ah Right!” he nods “I forgot it’s been too long since you put your genitals near any other human being.”
“Shut up!” you growl back at him like an angry wolf being nudged at the sensitive spot.
“This is why I tell you, you need to come out of your room instead of writing fanfictions all night long and just get fucking laid.” He nags like the mother in law you don’t have but have described multiple times in your pieces.
“I write for a living Mr Get fucking laid,” you reply with a sarcastic tone “I don’t live to fuck any living, breathing creature I can find like you.”
“Boring,” he snorts looking away as he eyes the group of  hot girls in the not very far table that give him a look and all laugh together when he winks at them “We are mammals, we were designed to fuck and enjoy it.”
“The sole purpose is to reproduce and continue the human species. Which I think is the only last thing on your list when you bone a girl.” You mention turning on your seat to face him
"Well …” he nods in agreement “That’ll happen sometimes later, We’re still young, we can just fuck for the sake of pleasure and curve the system”
You sigh, realizing the argument you started with your best friend was as useless as the alcohol you tried to flood your system with. “Alright Casanova, why don’t you go and put your dick somewhere to curve the system and leave me alone?”
Taehyung’s eyes are fixed at the group of girls, his eyes squinting as if he is onto something. Considering how much of a fuckboy he is, you assume he is trying to imagine which position he can try with the poor girl who will be the prey of his one-night stand.
“Hey Nerdy,” his eyes glances back at you “I have an idea”
“Oh really?” you laugh asking in a mocking tone “So when did you develop the ability to think? That's quite a new one.”
“One day I’ll put your smart little mouth to some good use,” He uses the husky self-proclaimed “dom voice” he uses to seduce girls as he furrows his eyebrows.
“It’s a pass from me, I’m sure there are many others opting for that position,” you reply unfazed “Not sure if they’re as smart but you should settle you know!”
“Listen to me,” he ignores your statement completely, not very unexpectedly since the guy has a great selective listening for only hearing  things that boost his ego “I have a bomb idea for your fanfictions.”
“I told you they are NOT fanfictions, Jesus!” you growl, your voice rising as the alcohol starts to get to your head and make you bolder and louder than your usual calm and collected office worker self.
“You write while looking at the images of rapper August Rush or whatever his name is, most of which are half naked selfie mirrors. Even five years old can tell your last novel’s male lead’s character was exactly based on him.” He says with an anger tinted voice as you watch him with tipsy and amazed eyes.
“Since when do you read, Tae? You’re surprising me too much tonight!” You ask batting your eyelids slowly at him “also it's August D you idiot, not August Rush.”
“Anyways …” He clears his throat as his face hardens “Since you don’t have intentions to get that pussy working in any other way than your vibrator, I have a better idea”
You bring your not very hopeful eyes to him, slight anticipation blooming in your heart “What?”
“Second-hand experience …” he suggests crossing his arms across his chest as if he is one great intellectual “You can watch me fuck and write it.”
You stare at him for a few seconds before bursting out and laughing, your eyes travelling to his messy silver hair as you ruffle the strands playfully “you need to change your dealer Tae, the new pills are messing with your head.”
“you already know I don’t do drugs anymore,” he hisses through gritted teeth “I’m not joking, since Jung wants erotica so bad, just write one for him.” He smirks, confidence radiating off his body and his cocky tone “I’m sure people would bust a nut over my sex scenes”
“You’ve lost your mind,” you shake your head as you turn around and reach for the bottle of whiskey in front of you “It must be pussy deprivation, please go and get laid. you're scaring me with your nonsense”
“No, No listen to me Y/N …” Taehyung grabs your shoulder and turns you to face him “You’re good at writing what you see, you remember that time you wrote that whole scene based off our summer camp in high school.”
“Tae, can you hear yourself?” You said in disbelief “You want me to watch you while you bone a random girl just so I can write a sex scene for my draft?”
“Exactly” He nods in an excited tone, “I think It’ll turn out a bomb ass sex scene.”
“You know what, I wanted to believe you’re still sober but this is dragging it. I’m leaving.” you stand up grabbing the black file in front of you as you pull your backpack on your shoulder only to be stopped by Taehyung’s firm hold around your wrist.
“If you think about …” He starts with a deep voice, deeper than usual as he mutters “Jung is looking for an excuse to push you to redundancy, I heard from Seokjin Hyung his company isn’t doing so well.”
You pause, biting your lips in rage as you knew deep inside what Taehyung was saying is not totally wrong. The company wasn’t doing so well for the past year, having published many unsuccessful books.
On top of that, his wife was on bad terms with him after he caused a scandal with one of the female interns. So he was finding excuses to redundant any female employees he could to kill two birds with one stone and redeem himself.
“I know …” you sigh looking back at the guy and slapping his hand away “But it still doesn’t make sense to intrude someone’s intimate moment just for the sake of my job.” you sigh ruffling your hair in frustration.
“I mean …” Taehyung pulls you to stand In front of him as he looks up at you “first of all that person is me,” he then smirks naughtily as he continues “And those intimate moments you’re talking about, we usually share them with a couple of other people down my balcony.”
“You disgusting bastard,” you wince, face scrunching with disgust at the guy’s explanation as you protest “I … I still can’t …”
“why?” He smirks as he stands up and leans closer “Are you scared you might wanna join?” he smirks as he messes your bangs "We can always negotiate a threesome if you want."
“Yeah sure, as if I haven’t seen you pee your pants before,” you roll your eyes “You’re the only human with a dick I wouldn’t wanna put my genital anywhere near.”
“That was in middle school okay?” he hisses, his face contouring in anger as he reminisces the memory that flashes through both of your minds “Also Don’t worry, you won’t be able to handle me anyways.”
He then releases your hand, quickly running his eyes around for a good target for the night as he mutters “come to my apartment, I’ll come home with the lady of the night,” he says as he manages to annoy you one last time by digging his hand in your hair and completely messing it before drifting away from you.
You sigh as you watch the guy walks through the masses of people before standing behind a girl who’s wearing a short dress, barely covering her nonexistent panties. He wraps his arms around the girl’s lower waist, dangerously close to her ass while whispering his dirty seductive words in her ear.
You turn around and wave for Jimin who flashes a warm smile and mouths “Take care,” with his usual bright energy as you make your way to the exit. The club is a frequent place for people like your age to get wasted at nights so you don’t have trouble catching an Uber to make your way home.
You fish for your earphones and place it in your ears, playing your favourite sad song, staring out the window as if you’re the main character of your favourite novel, weeping over a lost love.
You smile bitterly as you realize how lame your life is, everyone else around you either getting laid or getting their heart broken but you’re here, at the back seat of an Uber tearing up over the company that doesn’t appreciate your pieces because they’re not as “Edgy” as they want.
You flinch as the phone vibrates in your hand and you roll your eyes at the name on the screen “Yes?” you reply, tone dangerously low and raging
“Ooh cold …” the guy across the phone winces at your formality “The meeting must have had a toll on you.”
“Piss off, I’m too tired to deal with you Jeon,” you snap back, knowing the guy over the phone already knows the reason behind your rage “I’m hanging up!” you warn him but he’s quicker than you
“Hold up Hold up,” he replies and you can clearly hear his smirk through the phone “Don’t be a bitch Y/N.” He hesitates, the sound of lips smacking on his skin with the nasal moan of a girl you could clearly imagine based on his ideal type echoing in the device “Do you want a hand?”
“I think you need a hand, Jeon!” you scoff “I’m hanging up before your girl cums on her own.”
“No need to be jealous,” he laughs darkly as he shifts over the phone the sound of the girl’s lips rising even more and you bite your lips “You could be in her place if you want, you just have to ask nicely!” he suggests and you immediately scoff
“Thank you for the offer Jeon but I have a draft I need to submit tomorrow morning,” you reply through gritted teeth “9:00 am SHARP” you mimic the way Jung threatened you about your deadline earlier that day.
“You think you can pull it off on your own?” he asks and you can feel the teasing in his voice
“Isn’t it better for you if I don’t?” You ask with a sarcastic tone “You get off  seeing me fail don’t you?”  
“Mhm that’s your issue Y/N, you never believe me but …” he mutters in a lower voice “I’ll rather cum in your mouth ”
“You will,“ You bite your tongue “Probably in your next porn script, make it good, I’ll watch in my free time.” You say in a mocking tone
“Brats like you need to be taught a lesson instead of sitting behind a desk and write all day,” he says through gritted teeth and you smile at the taste of victory “call me if you change your mind, I have a good “edgy” scene sitting on my drafts, just like the ones Jung loves. I can prepare for tomorrow at 9 am SHARP!”
“Send it to him instead,” you reply sharply “It seems like his wife sucks just like your girlfriends!” you don’t hesitate to receive his response as you press the button on the cord extension of your earphone and press your head on the cold window.
Your eyes then perks open as you lean closer to the driver “Sorry, Can you take the next exit to left, I have to go somewhere else?”
The middle-aged man nods without any words and takes the next exit to your destination. You’re still contemplating your decision when the car pulls over in front of the apartment complex you frequently visit, you quickly press a few buttons and pay the driver with your phone, thanking him for putting up with your sudden change of mind.
You step out of the car and enter the complex , the old man who you barely know his name smiles at you and calls for you “Oh, you’re here again”   You nod flashing a smile to him as you walk to where he’s sitting to show him your ID when he quickly says “You can go up, I know you’re with Young master.”
You mutter a quick thanks as you make your way to the elevator that leads you up to the penthouse at the very top of the building where Kim Taehyung lives.
He is the youngest son of the very well known Kim Group. You truly never knew what exactly his family were up to, but you knew that they “live comfortably” as Taehyung would love to describe.
But one thing you knew for sure, was that his definition of comfortable was owning an apartment complex in the heart of the city while yours was maintaining grocery budget to the end of the week after paying the bills.
He was a rebel, very much different from his older brother Seokjin who was also the heir of their family business. Since he barely had any hands in the family business, he used his privilege as a rich kid to party and hook up with girls, his ridiculously attractive face and body helping him in the whole process.
He bought the club a year ago, realizing his passion for partying might also be a venture to explore his business side. Which thanks to his prolonged history in being one of the “Gangnam Rich Kids” immediately received attention and customers from all over Seoul.
Your friendship with him, amazes you till this day, considering you were just a scholarship transfer to the private middle school he attended. You started off hating him since from the beginning he was the typical snobby, cocky rich boy who just wanted to dominate everyone around him including you. so you promised yourself to steer clear of him.
But your new school year resolution didn’t last long when the guy offered you to do his homework for a “couple of bucks” a week as he said. The money that was equal the total allowance you received from your parents for the whole year.
Your nerd ass decided God doesn’t knock the door with a stupid rich guy who can’t even do his homework, more than once. So you took the offer and became his personal homework slave for the rest of your school years.
Well, not much has changed since those years, Taehyung still trying to dominate, girls mostly these days considering he grew up to have a ridiculous amount of stamina.
And you … you hate to admit it but you’re still a slave for money, writing for Jung’s publishing company to pay your bills at the expense of your creativity. Because as Jung loves to remind you “Rainbow and unicorn” you love to write about doesn’t sell well.
Well except for one thing. you somehow managed to developed a surprisingly close friendship with Taehyung from school years into adulthood which made your decision to watch him while he hooks up with a  girl sound even more absurd in your mind.
You sigh, stepping out of the lift as you make your way towards the door of his apartment, already imagining that cocky smirk on his face once he sees you.
Especially considering you already texted him right after you exited the club telling him you won’t be showing up at his place, not realizing a phone call from Jeon Fucking Jungkook would be enough to make you angry enough to change your mind.
You furrow your eyebrows as the door opens quickly after you press the bell button and a freshly showered girl, with the water glazing her skin and the bathrobe covering her body greets you.
“Hi hon, Come in!” she says with a smile as she opens the door and moves away so you can enter the apartment “We were waiting for you”
You stare at her with lost eyes when Taehyung’s voice echoes in the hallway.
“Y/N,” you turn around and your face heats up at the sight of Taehyung’s  half-naked body, with the towel loosely hanging his lower body which had a fall hazard any second coming to your sight “I told you it’ll be a good idea, Come In,” he says pointing at his room before bringing his teasing gaze to the girl and she giggles in return.
The girl pats your shoulder and moves in excitement ahead of you, as your heavy footsteps take you to the last room in the hallways. You enter Taehyung’s master bedroom, quickly searching for his study desk which he probably does anything  but studying on it, placing your backpack on the wooden surface
“A-Are you guys sure about this?” You ask, hesitation resonating in your tone, your eyes travelling between Taehyung who’s drinking from his can of beer and the girl who’s spraying herself with some expensive body mist.
“Yeah Hon,” The girl smiles as she drops herself on the abnormally huge king sized bed, batting her eyelids at you “So you’re gonna write your story based on us?”
“Yeah, I guess!” you reply with an awkward tone, the whole situation suddenly feeling too surreal. In a moment both of the people in the room will be naked, doing God knows what and you’ll have to watch.
“That’s so cool,” the girl says clapping her hands in excitement “Hon, Make me look pretty in your story okay?”
You stare at the girl, nodding your head in disbelief that the only concern the girl has about you watching him get dicked down is looking pretty. People are indeed strange, you wonder as you sit down on Taehyung’s comfortable wheely chair and open your tablet to set your tools up.
“Just so you know, you can both stop and tell me to leave the room at any point!” you firmly point out, eyeing both of them as if you were a referee explaining the rules of the game.
“I’m sure you’ll leave this room earlier than us, Hon.” the girl chirps in a jolly tone, laughing with Taehyung and you can’t help but grit your teeth at how much of a joke this situation is to both of them.
“I told you it won’t be a problem,” He says winking teasingly at you. He then walks to you placing his can of beer just beside your tablet “your muse is a bit of exhibitionist” he smirks as he turns around and attacks the girl on the bed like a hungry beast, devouring her mouth in a swift motion.
You’re still trying to set your instant sync function working on your word document, when the sound of their lips smacking together echoes in the silent room and your stomach drops as you peek at them through the corner of your eyes before immediately looking back at the screen in front of you.
Ironically the sound of their intense makeout session reminds you of the phone call you had earlier with Jungkook and you grit your teeth with determination, reminding yourself that the only reason you’re here is to not give Jeon Jungkook the satisfaction of your failure.
Your eyes slowly glaze on the pair in front of you, perfectly angled so that you get a pretty decent view of both of them, Taehyung covering the girl’s body with his huge built. Since they really don’t care, you might as well get the most of this experience and write a good erotic piece.
You place the tablet on your thighs, facing them with the turn of the chair, your fingers quickly dancing on the keyboard to describe the way your best friend digs his tongue in his one-night stand’s throat.
Do people actually like this? You wonder as you keep searching your brain for appropriate words other than the ones already popping up in your conscious while the other part of your brain scolds you to not judge your reader’s preferences.  
You try to find enough decent words to describe the girl’s lips being bruised by Taehyung’s. Since she is sharing her most intimate moments with you, you might as well play along to her request and make this sound as pleasing as possible on her side.
They part their lips with a gasp from each other, you almost shout at the top of your lungs like a movie director to get back to work but then you remind yourself, you’re watching two people actually doing this for pleasure and they also need to breathe.
You quickly finish the description on each of their faces since their panting moments was probably the last few seconds it would look normal for the rest of the night as you hear their little conversation in the background.
“So,“ the sound of the girl’s lips rising even more and you bite your lips “safe word?” Taehyung asks in a deep voice, the girl giggling and squirming under him.
“Is it really necessary, Taehyung?” you flinch at how needy the girl’s voice sounds just after a quick make out, wondering what exactly is about your best friend that has girls losing their shit over him.
“Trust me, Once we get too deep in this, you might need it” he groans leaning closer and nibbling her ear and she moans
“Carousel,” she replies with a giggle and you furrow your eyebrows at her strange choice of safe word but again you gotta push through the night, reminding that the only person deserving to be judged is you for sitting in the middle of two adults having sex and try to use them for your creative purposes.
Taehyung pulls away and kneels on the bed, your eyes quickly travel to him to see what he’s up to. He grabs the hem of his towel,  tearing it apart and immediately a small gasp find its way out of your lips at what his action uncovers, his dark orbs travelling to yours.
You assume the girl is as surprised as you about what’s standing proudly between Taehyung’s thighs because what echoes in the room while you gulp catching Taehyung’s eyes on yourself, is her breathy gasp.
“Mhmm …” he hums to the girl but his eyes are still on your dilated pupils “You like what you see?”
You get a grip on yourself quickly bringing your eyes to the screen, your fingers which stopped drumming on the keyboard quickly getting back to pace around as you hear a small groan from the guy.
You bring your trembling gaze back to the scene and realize his groan is only because his ginormous dick is being pampered by the girl with slow strokes and small kitten licks along the shaft.
"Foreplay", you quickly think before pressing enter and quickly typing the girl’s skilled actions, his dick now growing into more of a hard-on and starting to lay flat against the girl’s welcoming lips.
She parts her lips and devours him into her lips in a quick motion and you wet your lips as your eyes travel between her little show and Taehyung’s head which falls back with a loud husky moan falling off his lips.
“Fuck …” he groans as his hand quickly reaches for the strands of blonde hair, holding firmly onto her head as he thrust his hip forward “That feels good.” he compliments with a groan of pleasure and the girl starts to bob her head.
You quickly write his words just like the way they leave his lips, wishing you could record his voice and use them later, OF COURSE FOR WRITING PURPOSES, you remind yourself while the muscles of your inner thigh clench painfully closer together reminding you that you also are a human with needs.
Maybe this is why people loved sex scenes in a book, sex in writing although was portrayed through the dry black and white fonts plastered on a piece of paper, it gave them enough freedom to manipulate and grow it in their own horizons of imagination when they were in need, just like you were now.
You lick your lips in anticipation as you try to describe the way your friend fucks the girl’s mouth in the most pleasing way, tinted by slight hazy bits and bobs so you give your readers the perfect amount of imagination to grow.
Your breath cages in your lung when Taehyung snaps his hip forward against the girl’s lips, keeping it firmly against her throat as the slight sound of her gagging echoes in the room and your heart beats in concern. You quickly look for the girl’s expression in worry before her eyes curves into a tiny smile as they sew themselves to Taehyung
"You like that slut?” He asks biting his lips as a smirk plasters on his face watching her faint smile “You like it when I gag you on my big fat cock huh?” He pulls away, moving the girl’s head away from his hip just reaching his tip before snapping his dick back into her mouth, this time tears  with a mixture of the girl’s mascara running down her cheek
“You messy little slut, you like it when Daddy fucks your throat huh?”
You quickly try to write the words down on the screen before bringing your gaze back to the girl, for some reason expecting her to look unhappy with her gag reflex constantly being stimulated
But instead the scene you witness has another muffled gasp leaving your lips, the girl nodding persistently as one of her hands are dipped between her legs indicating she’s touching herself.
“You dirty little slut,” Taehyung groans as he keeps her there for a few more seconds, watching her touch herself “You wanna cum while sucking Daddy’s cock?”
The girl nods again, more tears leaving her eyes as she continues to move her fingers on her clit In speedy circular motions.
“I wanna see you try dirty slut,” Taehyung smirks and your breath hitches as his eyes momentarily glances over you as he mutters “Try and cum slut … cum while Daddy fucks your nice tight throat, ruining your mouth and your makeup.”
Your breath hitches in your throat as he orders the filthy words, looking directly into your eyes. Your brain screams at you to write his dirty talk down, since you would never, in thousand years come up with such filthy words on your own.
But your widened eyes are fixed on his until he spares you and looks down at the girl as he starts fucking the girl’s throat, who’s rubbing her clit in an insane speed searching for her release.
But her hopes shatter, as much as yours when Taehyung’s hip stutters and he bursts with a couple more thrusts, his head falling back and his loud moans echoing in the room as he cums in the girl’s mouth.
The girl swallows every drop attentively like she’s been dehydrated in Sahara desert for a few days and the only way for her to survive is to swallow Taehyung’s cum.
You make a mental note, not to describe the scene in the way you just thought of as probably not many people will find your strange example sexy and arousing but rather hilarious. Taehyung’s head snaps back up and the first thing he does has you struggle with your breathing pattern again.
He glances over at you again, biting his lips with his orgasmic and fucked out face as you rub your thighs together unconsciously. You avoid eye contact, quickly bringing your attention back to the screen to make sure you haven’t actually written how suddenly thirsty you are for your best friend by accident.
“Naughty little slut,” You hear his dark voice but continue to finish your sentence when the sound of his hand coming into a slap on the girl’s body has you jolting up on your seat and your attention is quickly back on him “No touching now.”
You watch as he grabs the girl by her hair, pulling her up on her knees to face him, the girl’s lips parting to pant for air as the droplets of cum are dripping on the corner of her lips.
“Daddy, Please …” she begs to stare at him with seductive eyes but Taehyung is not having any of it.
“I said you can only cum before I cum,” He says as he grabs both her wrist and pins them in one of his own big hands above her head before bringing his other palm into another sharp smack against her ass cheek “You know dirty girls get punished. You wanna be punished, little whore?”
“Yes,” the girl nods “Punish me, Daddy,” she licks her lips in anticipation “Punish me like the little slut I am.”
You furrow your eyebrows at girl’s request , quickly typing the words leaving her lips with the description of how fucked out and needy she looks like with her hand above her head, her towel lying on the bed away from where It should be on her body with some juicy description about the red marks of Taehyung’s hand on her bottom.
“Yeah?” his eyes perks at the girl’s words “You want Daddy to teach you a lesson?”
“Yessss -Aaahhh …” she gasps as another smack comes into contact with the flesh of her ass and you have to bite your lips harshly to stop the breathy sound leaving your lips.
He is ruthless with his “punishment”, you start to judge his scene as your eyes dance on the harsh red flesh of the girl’s bottom. But she looks somehow content and aroused as if she wants even more of the harsh treatment more.
“Is this why you’ve been a bad girl?” Taehyung asks in a husky tone and the girl moans in response nodding her head
“Yes, Daddy … I’ve been bad … I’ve been really really bad …” she purrs in response, igniting a fire in Taehyung’s eyes as his hand comes into another whiplash against her bottom.
You flinch as a drop of arousal slowly trickles between your legs, your fingers immediately stopping their actions on the keyboard as you watch Taehyung “punish” the girl as she asks for, while the girl’s loud, wanton moans ring in your ear.
You were never the type to be aroused to such type of scenes, your taste rather being “vanilla” as Taehyung would love to usually tease you about. You weren’t particularly pressed about your taste, preferring your sex rather sensual and romantic than wild and kinky. Even the porn you’re watched reflected your taste, with your most recent search including things like “romantic couple” and “porn with a romantic plot”.
You believed your life had too much of angst in the office you had to spend your day at, typing words after words describing a fantasy that had people clench their fists in anger or blink their tears away while reading that you preferred to keep it all chill and relaxing back at home.  
But yet again, you’re here, watching your best friend executing his kinky actions on his one night stand and you can’t totally deny that your body is somehow enjoying the scene.
shifting up on the seat, you press your thighs together, the ticklish arousal between your legs distracting you too much from your writing but you immediately regret your decision when Taehyung brings his lust hooded eyes to you as the chair under your screeches due to your weight shift.
You gulp like a kid being caught shattering the fish tank in the living room, the unreadable expression on Taehyung’s face not helping your nerves either.
You’re still contemplating if your best friend can sense the damp spot on your panties that you are desperately trying to ignore when his next action has you drip even more from your core. He keeps his eyes fixed on you while he strokes the red flesh of the girl’s ass cheek, reaching for her clit with the other hand and pinching her bundle of nerves.
“Aaaahhh …” she whines, shuddering at the harsh touch
“You’re so fucking dripping for Daddy” he gasps as he touches her arousal and makes a mess of her cleanly shaved pussy with the juices he acquires from her “All wet and ready for Daddy’s cock huh?”
You stare into his eyes, your eyes glancing back and forth between his face and his hand on the girl’s private part, blush to creep into your cheeks as the juices smearing all around her inner thigh somehow resembles the mess between your own legs. You let out a gasp of relief as Taehyung finally tears his gaze from you and looks back at the girl
“I’m sure if you sit  on Daddy’s cock, you’d just slide right down” he suggests as he fastens his finger on the girl’s core
“Yessss Daddy … I’d take you well … I’d take all of your cock…” she promises with a needy tone and Taehyung nods before shifting back from her, the girl whining as his hand leaves her core.
You quickly finish the girl’s part, your goal at this point being to just write down their dirty conversations and memorise the rest of the session in your mind to elaborate on later. You didn’t wanna admit but your own pussy was already too aroused for you to think straight and write a decent scene with enough details.
Taehyung sits down at the head of his bed, his back resting on the bedpost while his long muscular legs part to unravel his proudly standing cock even more. He strokes his shaft which you can swear has grown larger since he first took the towel off while looking at the girl standing right in your line of sight.
“Come ride Daddy then” he orders staring at the girl with unimpressed eyes
The girl moans in excitement quickly shifting closer to his lap, straddling his big thick thighs while holding onto his shoulder. You bit your lips realizing the girl’s back is now facing you and a sigh of disappointment leaves your lips knowing you would have to improvise the girl side of the scene on your own.
You secretly hate Taehyung for choosing that position instead of choosing a more conventional one like missionary or doggy so that you get a better view of both of them. But then again you realize you’re writing a sex scene, which you’ve never done and could have never pulled off without his help so you better stop being an ungrateful bitch and take advantage of the situation.
You glance up from the screen as you hear a wanton sound leaving the girl’s lips, watching in anticipation of the event as she slides down on Taehyung’s cock painfully slow. You take a moment and just blink your eyes at how his thick girth parts her pussy lips apart, admiring her for her flexibility down in her kitty.
Before you know, you find your mind drifting as you imagine how would it be if that was your pussy and imagine your tight walls that haven’t experienced much would probably rip apart with the first few inches at the tip, considering he’s the thickest up there.
You quickly shake the thought off and your fingers fasten their pace on the keyboard as if the keys under your fingertip are being punished for your dirty mind.
“Fuck” you hear the girl sighs in a weak tone and you look up “Daddy … It’s so big …” you gulp and silently agree with the girl as you quickly write what she says along with a couple of sentences explaining the reason behind her statement being your best friend’s abnormally huge dick.
You furrow your eyebrows when you patiently wait for Taehyung’s response but nothing comes out and you find yourself looking up at him with almost annoyed eyes. Your eyes tremble as you see his eyes fixed on you, a cocky smirk plastered on the corner of his lips as you raise an eyebrow as if you wanna convey to him your frustration over his silence.
“Mhmm …” he hums , his gaze still fixed on you “I thought you said you can take me” he growls with an arrogant tone “Come on” the girl shrieks as a sharp slap comes in contact with her ass “Take it like the good slut you are” he says all the dirty words looking past the girl’s body which was directly in your line of sight, into your eyes.
“Fuck Daddy …” the girl digs her nails on his shoulder as she pushes herself lower “AAAHH … I can’t”
“You can’t,  can you?” He asks with a teasing tone as he grabs her ass and holds her right there, filled to the brim as the girl whines  "Its okay, you’re not the first one that failed to take me.“
You roll your eyes at Taehyung’s proud statement, hating that the girl’s inability to take him to boost his ego immediately. This is why he is the cocky bastard he is, you think as your quickly type his remark at how proud he is about his size.
"Cheeky whore” he slaps her ass again receiving a soft whimper from the girl “Thinking you can take Daddy just because you fucked some dick” he scolds and you tilt your head in confusion as you hear his tone changing to more of a dark and angry one “Move” he orders as his fingers dig into her ass flesh and moves her on his dick “Ride Daddy like a good girl”
The girl quickly complies and the room soon fills with the sound of her loud cries of pleasure, the sound of skin slapping with the mixture of the girl’s wanton cries being your background music as you continue to describe the intercourse with your limited knowledge of what you’re watching.
“Aaahh … Daddy … your cock feels so good ��” The girl whines fastening her pace, riding Taehyun’s cock as if she’s riding some kind of racehorse “I wanna cum all over your cock, Daddy, I wanna cum …”
“Yeah? You wanna cum little slut?” He asks as his hands reach for her throat and grasp her windpipe tightly “Then beg like the little whore you are, beg for Daddy”
“Please … ” the girl pants as little air reaches her lungs but her moans only intensify in sound “Please let me cum Daddy”
“You think you deserve it? You think you deserve to cum on Daddy’s cock?” Taehyung asks as you watch his other arm moving down between the girl’s leg which is not totally clear to your eyes. The girl’s head falls back and you realize where his hands are working, her sensitive clit, you assume, pushing the girl closer to the edge.
“Yessss … Yes, Daddy … let me cum … I wanna cum while you fill me up” the girl voices out the words in a rushed tone, tears  tinted by her mascara  flowing down her eyes again
“You want Daddy’s cum in your tight  cunt huh?” Taehyung smirks, his eyes suddenly dancing on you while he says “You want Daddy to fill your messy cunt with his cum huh??”
You gulp, feeling your own walls clench around nothing, your carnal desires and possibly your deprived vagina screaming at you for the same attention the girl is receiving between her legs like a jealous ex-girlfriend. You dig your teeth into your bottom lips, tasting the blood having you hope that the pain might help distract you from your whiny pussy down there.
“Yes Daddy …” the girl finally musters up a sound “Fill me up with your cum”
Taehyung thrusts his hip up, helping the girl to reach attain her wish as he’s nearing his own release while his hand continuously works on her clit. Your finger has completely stopped working, the only thing you can do is watch the mess between their legs as they both work towards their big moment.
“Fuck …” Taehyung’s lustful groan echoes in your ear and you look up “I’m gonna cum …” he says his eyes glancing over your before closing for a few seconds as he stills the girl’s hip and ruts himself into her ruined cunt.
He grits his teeth, his eyes still fixed on you when he suddenly frowns and a deep groan leaves his lips as his head falls back but his hip still works hard deep inside the girl’s walls.
“Aaaahh … Daddy …” The girl shudders, her body shaking violently on him and you can safely assume she’s experiencing some great moments of pleasure by the way her mounds bounce in the air with every shake of her body.
Taehyung’s hip stutters and you know he’s reached his climax when the transparent droplets of his cum come rushing down where his cock is thrusting deep inside the girl’s pussy.
Their sloppy moans and groans are your last few sentences, describing the magical moment of sparkling stars and breathtaking orgasm your readers probably love to read.
You’re slightly bummed out you have to sit there watching your best friend have a blast while you just get to watch and write it in the best possible way for other people, your poor muscles clenching around nothing but air. Become an author they said, its very fun they said.
“Ughh …” Taehyung’s deep groan has you looking up at the guy who’s now coming down from his high, blinking your eyes nervously as you make eye contact with each other and his eyebrows furrow closer into a deep frown.
You quickly press the save button on the top of the screen, knowing better not to trust the sync function as you quickly stand up and grab your bag “I’m gonna leave you guys alone now” you quickly whisper , trying your best not to ruin the intimate moment they probably would have preferred you not to disturb “Thanks Guys , I’ll buy you dinner some time” you quickly suggest as you make your way to the door and rush out of his apartment.
You sigh in relief as your Uber finally arrives in front of the apartment complex and you settle in the car. It’s only then that you realise so much tension and stress in leaving Taehyung’s apartment had you forget the wet spot in your panties that are sticking right to your slit.
You sigh as you make a promise to your neglected kitty that you’ll treat her to a nice, exciting high induced by the new rabbit vibrator you ordered last week from Amazon on sale once it arrives.
You open your tablet and glance over the quick messy document you wrote in an hour, already starting to see how you can elaborate or change details so its appealing enough to Jung’s taste.
-
You nervously click your heels on the floor as you pull your phone out of your pocket, glancing over the secretary who is doing her paperwork before pressing your iMessage app and press on the first name.
You furrow your eyebrows noticing the seen icon with time indicating two hours earlier flashing underneath the message you sent to Taehyung earlier in the morning.
After working on the draft you pulled off at Tae’s house, you ended up spending the rest of the night polishing and using your short term memory to recall the parts you missed as it was happening.
Once you were happy with the draft it was already 5 in the morning, meaning you could have exactly two hours of sleep before getting to the meeting you had with Jung. Which also meant you would have to use makeup and heaps of concealer to give the world the illusion you have had a good night sleep.
“Y/N … You can go in” the secretary who knew you very well notifies you and you quickly push your phone back into your pocket and enter Jung’s room.
He is sitting behind his desk as always, glancing over his iMac screen with his attentive eyes. You can’t lie, you sometimes find yourself intimidated by his gaze since his job is being a critic, imagining he judges everything about you even and it’s not just your writing.
“Sit down,” he says and you take a seat on the couch across his desk, glancing nervously at the glass plate reading “CEO Jung Hoseok” which runs a shiver down your spine.
You are nervous, considering the meeting you are in, could determine if you should go home and buy the new Gucci handbag you wanted to buy for a month or you should start looking for a new job; Your desperate wish being that the first possibility is the one winning.
You gulp as he finally departs his gaze from the screen and he walks around his desk to the single sofa set at the tail of the two couches
“Sorry I had you waiting, I was still looking at the draft you sent me this morning”
You nod flashing a fake smile “That’s alright Sir” you reply softly, hoping your manners would be any help on his decision
“You know why I like you Y/N?” He asks and it takes you a few seconds to really digest his words. Jung? Likes me? The fuck is he on about!
“I’m not sure Sir” you reply deciding the stupid silence is not gonna help you get anywhere.
“Its because I can see the determination in you …” he says as his eyes settle at your lost expression “I’ve seen many writers come and go in my company, but none of them has what you have. You know why you write, and you’re not afraid to push your limits.”
You stare at the guy with confused eyes, in all of the worst-case scenarios you tried to come up in your creative mind, none ended up as you being praised by Jung Hoseok, the single most difficult writing critic of this company who almost never had anything good to say.
Oh, the realization hit you, your face falls as you realize what the guy is doing. He wants to parts ways in good terms so he’s trying to fool you with nice words.
“Thanks, Sir … but you don’t really have to do this. I already cleaned up my desk, I can hand in my resignation by tomorrow” you say, your voice trembling despite having rehearsed the words a couple of hundred times already
“Wait what …” Jung looks at you with furrowed eyebrows, his expression hardening “Where are you going? Did you get any offers?” He raises an eyebrow suspiciously
“Well no … but I’ll be onto it as soon as you issue my resignation … “ you sigh finding the guy caring for you slightly hypocritical since he was practically firing you “Anyways, it’s not something that concerns you …”
“Y/N” he calls with his stern tone “What the fuck are you talking about?” He raises his voice, using the f word he almost never uses even in his most furious moments “You still have a contract with us and I’m not accepting any resignation until I know the reason”
“Sir …” you sigh as your blood boils at his statement “I know you wanna redundant me, So I’ll just play along and hand in my resignation. I think I at least deserve the redundancy claim, don’t I? How am I supposed to survive until I find another job …” you pant as the lump in your throat doesn’t allow you to finish your sentence without your voice trembling
“Wait a second …” he shakes his head in confusion “Who said I’m gonna redundant you?”
You stare at him with dazed eyes, tears pooling in your eyes as you whisper “You’re not?”
“God …” he whispers as he watches the tears run down your cheek and quickly reaches for the tissues on the coffee table In front of you “I mean I knew you have a creative mind but Christ, your imagination went wild didn’t it?”
You grab a couple of tissues in a rushed manner and wipe your tears as you hear him explain
“I was about to tell you, send the draft to the editing team and get it edited before we send it to the printing department.”
You bring your teary eyes to him, the lack of sleep and the tears not allowing you to see him clearly ”W-What …”
“What I told you yesterday was a way for me to test you “ He explains as he quickly stands up and walks to the mini fridge across his office to grab a bottle of water “I want you to step out of your usual writing style and experiment a bit. Your pieces are already doing fine but since you’ve come so far, why not try the mainstream writing a bit!”
He opens the bottle and places it in front of you “When I read your draft this morning I felt happy about my job after so many years. This is why I do what I do, I need to critique your work so you can push further out of your comfort zone and try new things” he hesitates as you grab the water and gulp it down to calm your nerves as he continues “And as far as I’m concerned you did beyond my expectation”
You choke on the water in your throat at his words before looking at him in disbelief “Sir …”
“Yes?” He replies firmly
“Is this a dream?” You ask with a disappointed tone and he smiles shaking his head watching your burst into tears again
“ go home and sleep for a bit first, you look awful.” he says and you wince at his unkind words “Then send your draft and prepare for a meeting with the printing team”
You nod your head, still In daze as the guy explains what you need to do next before patting your shoulder
“Now quickly leave my office before someone comes in and thinks I made you cry. I have enough rumours roaming around. ” He laughs standing up and walking back to his desk
You quickly mimic what he did and jump to your feet bowing deeply for him “Thank you, sir, I’ll work harder.” you say in a determined tone
“Alright, Go get some rest.” he nods and you quickly turn on your heels and march your way out of his office.
Your heart is beating fast as the whole news is suddenly settling in your body. You’ve finally received the green light on publishing the book you worked on over the past 6 months and not only that, you were finally acknowledged by the grumpy and harsh critic, Jung Hoseok.
You quickly reach for your phone in your pocket, your eyes scanning over the screen you forgot to press out of, the seen icon under your message still flashing to your eyes like it was before the meeting with Jung.
But you’re too excited to care as you quickly press on Tae’s name and press the green button and press the device on your ear. You sigh as he doesn’t answer you, expecting it as Taehyung almost never replies your calls on time, either he is too drunk, too sleepy or too busy hooking up to do so.
“Y/N …”  You turn around and see Jungkook walk towards you with his smug smirk plastered on his devilishly handsome face as soon as you get off the lift on the first floor “heard the news … must be a party In your pants huh?”
He stops right in front of you and you swear you would have punched that smirk off his face if you were gonna resign from this company anytime soon. But for now, you’re too happy and content with your job to let him win over your nerves
“Well, it can’t be that its always in yours can it? That’d be too ...” you scoff as you smile victoriously “sexist!” Jungkook’s dark eyes settle on you in amusement, his silence creeping a tension between the two of you that you soon brush off  "Now excuse me, I need to go home and prepare for my meeting with the printing team" you wink at him mischievously before turning on your heels
“That scene, it’s not yours, is it?” Jungkook’s voice reaches your ear and you turn around
“What are you talking about?” you raise an eyebrow
“You’re telling me you pulled off your first sex scene, mind you a good one, in one night while you’re spending all your life in that office doing anything …” he hesitates before a mocking smirks fly through his lips “but get laid”
“Why? Does it hurt your ego?” You ask tilting your head to the side “Don’t worry, this is gonna be my last sex scene for life. The porn scripts are all yours. You know I don’t usually do dirty work.” you say in a sarcastic tone
“That’s not any of my concern …” he says , his expression hardening while his smirk is still persistently adorning his lips “Jung sent the draft to me to have a look before he gives you the green light,” You grit your teeth knowing, in the end, you needed his acknowledgement even when clearly Jung liked you work “what you wrote, mind you if it’s yours,  cannot be from watching porn or a reference text.”
You gulp, nervously reminding yourself that what Jungkook is saying is totally right but he still necessary doesn’t have to know your strange, unconventional ways of writing a crazy sex scene.
“I take it as a compliment Jeon,” you flash a sweet smile “If you wanted some of my reference texts, hit me up. I’m more than happy to share.  We’re colleagues after all.” you bluff, knowing very well you wouldn’t be able to actually share Taehyung’s intimate moment with anyone but you also know that Jungkook is too much of a proud head to actually ask for it
“I’d rather be your reference next time … ” he chirps as his smirk deepens “Specially now that I know I’m exactly the type you like your references to be” he hesitates before your face that turns pink in shade as he looks around to make sure no one is around “Rough and Kinky.” It is his turn now to wink your way before he walks past you to the lift that leads him upstairs.
Your hand falls on your side as you sigh, It wasn’t the first time Jungkook acted this way. You always shrugged it off thinking he just has some kind of insane fantasy of boning someone in the office and probably the nearest target would be you considering you both live half of your life in there, writing your way through the day and night.
But his last couple of words rings in your mind, catching you off guard as you start to wonder if what he said is right. Obviously, the piece you’ve written was not based on your personal experience, But you couldn’t deny the persisting tingle between your legs since the night before. You quickly shake your head, putting it on the sexual frustration you’ve been delaying to address for a month now as you make your way outside the office.
 -
You place your bag on the bar table, the specific high seat you always occupy that catches Jimin’s attention as always. He smiles at you over the till as he politely serves the young girl who’s handing him the dollars for her drinks.
He quickly passes the changes with a customer service smile that makes his eyes almost disappear as he makes his way to you.
“Hey Babe …” he chirps as he grabs a tequila shot adorned by sugar and a piece of lemon as he fills it with an opened bottle he already has idly rested against him “Good to see you finally in good mood.”
“First of all, I had some proper sleep in a while …” you say as you lean in to show him your nonexistent dark circles “I didn’t even use the Tarte concealers after months, can you believe that Park Jimin?”
“You look great babe. Is it your ovulation?” He teases wiggling his eyebrows playfully
“No I’m not ready to get pregnant, ” you roll your eyes before licking your lips in excitement “But I’m ready to publish my next book”
“SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!” he screams at the top of his lungs, a couple of people around throwing their confused and questioning looks at you as you rush him to be quiet
“Hey Hey … We’re in a public place Park Jimin. Keep your loud ass for someone else,” you scold him with a smile that unconsciously finds its ways at your friend’s happiness
“God,” he gasps “You’re finally publishing it Oh My God!” he says in disbelief
“I know … I almost thought It’ll never happen,” you pout with a smile before leaning “You’re the first person that knows!” you say with a jolly tone
“he’s the first person to know what?”
You body tenses at the signature deep voice of your best friend, quickly turning around and watching the guy who’s ignored your message and calls all day.
“If you were interested enough you should have answered my calls,” you snap back at him, feeling annoyed that despite ignoring you the whole day he’s standing there, all cocky and haughty as if he’s done nothing wrong
“I was busy,” He shrugs off walking closer to your seat and sits beside you “so are you gonna tell me or should I ask Jimin?” he points out at the guy who’s smiling and keeping his silence over your quarrel like always
“They decided to publish my book,” You say crossing your arm across your chest and watch his expression soften into a smile
“For real?” He asks leaning closer to you
“Yes and if you answered your calls instead of spending the whole day get laid, You might have been the first one to hear the news.”  you hiss back at him in anger, not knowing why you’re so pressed about the fact that he’s ignored you considering he almost never answers his phone anyways
“That’s … Great, ” he says as his soft smile dances on his lips and you look at him in surprise, not seeing the cocky expression or his usual teasing comebacks when almost immediately his expression turns all around into his fuckboy self “And that’s thanks to who?”
“Well, ” you clear your throat as the memories from the night before rush all your blood to your cheek “I was gonna thank you for your contribution if you weren’t a dick and didn’t miss my calls.”
Taehyung studies you having a hard time making eye contact with him when your voice is called out by a stranger’s voice
“Y/N,” 
your head snaps back at the source of the voice and you internally sigh at the sight of your colleague who forced you into buying him drink because as he said “You owe him” for winning Jung’s heart 
“Seriously, did you have to come all the way here for just drinks?”
“Well, you could have just … not come I guess, Jeon” you roll your eyes at his whining,  missing Taehyung’s careful gaze which examines the guy walking to you
“Who’s this?” He asks, only then you look at your best friend and realize his hardened expression
“Jeon Jungkook, a colleague from work”  you quickly reply him
Jungkook raise his hand into a small wave before bringing his attention back to you "Are we staying here?”
“Of course,” You furrow your eyebrows, before realizing his eyes which stops at Taehyung who’s occupied the only seat beside you “Oh, he’s leaving.” you say patting Taehyung’s shoulder, so he knows to empty the seat for Jungkook.  
But he just sits there, his gaze dancing on the guy who’s standing with his arms across his chest waiting for him “Taehyung” you call and finally he tears his gaze from him and back to you
“What?” He growls in an angry tone
“Get off the seat,” You hiss, urging him to do as you say by pushing against his big arms and he finally picks his weight off and makes the seat empty for Jungkook
“Thanks, I guess.” Jungkook finally occupies the seat before grabbing a menu and looking through the drinks
You glare at Taehyung who’s still standing there, watching Jungkook with furrowed eyebrows, sighing in relief as he finally leaves the two of you alone.
“Boyfriend?” Jungkook asks raising an eyebrow as he points at Taehyung who’s now sitting idly with a couple of his rich friends
“Friend, an old friend who also owns this place.” you shrug it off as you grab the menu of his hand “He doesn’t charge me so we can drink all we want” you bring your gaze up to Jungkook as you hear him snort
“You really brought me all the way here for free drinks?” he says in disbelief
“Why not?” You shrug your shoulders “Who knows if the book does well or not, I need to save up just in case the royalties are not enough for a living.” you say as you wave your hand for Jimin
“Woah …” he shakes his head in disbelief “You’re a different species Y/N” he groans “A very cheap and stingy one.”
“Hey Hey, you asked for a drink, I’m getting you some. Stop being a dick.” you scold him as finally, Jimin makes his way to you
“Mhmm Who’s this new face I see here?” He teases you eyeing Jungkook who drums his finger on the bar table in front of him
“Jeon Jungkook” you quickly reply and Jimin’s lips form an O shape indicating he knows immediately who he is
“So what would you like me to serve you Jeon Jungkook?” Jimin asks with a flirty smile he usually offers the customers he wants to impress
“What about ... ” he hesitates as he scans through the menu “Some Johnnie”
“Oh, Thank Jesus I brought you here. You would have maxed my credit card at this rate.” you whine as you quickly face Jimin “Just the usual Jiminie. ” you sing song with a smile and thank him as he walks away to prepare your drinks
“Why? You were worried I make you pay for my drink?” He smirks as he turned on his seat to face you
“Isn’t that what you were trying to do?” You scoff in response “obviously I was smarter enough to not fall for your trap.”
“Y/N, ” he sighs as he leans closer to you, as you watch him travel the distance between your bodies “I’m gentleman enough to not allow the girl to pay,” he tilts his head to the side as his smirks deepen “Also you’ll fall for my trap someday, dont worry.” he mutters the words with a haughty tone
You gulp at his suggestive words, despite it not being the first time he openly flirts with you, finding it weird with the context of now being in a club rather than the safe four walls of your office.
"Well you don’t need to impress me Mr Gentleman,” you quickly reply shaking off the momentary tension that arises between you and Jungkook quickly pulls away and Jimin places your drinks in front of you
“Keep your money for the next girl you wanna get into her pants,” you say teasingly as you look around and grab your shot of tequila, immediately gulping it down in one go.
The fluid still rushing down your throat when your eyes double take at the scene. There he is, Taehyung sitting back on the soft and comfortable sofa, the girl draping over his body kissing her way up his neck as he drinks from his glass of alcohol you recognise as a glass of Henney.
That’s his favourite drink, you think as the scene along with the alcohol flooding your blood starts to flash back to a not very foreign memory of the girl riding his thigh in the same position.
You lick your lips as you quickly try to tear your gaze away from him so you don’t fall to the black hole you were trying to avoid all day, reminiscing every moment of your best friend fucking the shit out of that girl.
But then your eyes stop at his dark orbs, which are directly staring back at you. Your mind quickly flashbacks to those suggestive glances he gave your during his erotic action that had your pussy dripping like your whole body needed some release right there and then.
This time, however, his eyes glaze with a tint of something else, something you couldn’t properly read. His thick silver dyed eyebrows knitted into a frown as he parts his lips, perhaps due to the girl’s sinful action on his neck and it takes you all the willpower in your whole body to finally snap your gaze back at Jungkook.
“I gotta go to the loo!” you whisper as you quickly get on your two feet
“I’m gonna order more drinks, the same one for you?” He asks pointing at your shot and you nod, mouthing a quick thanks before making your way to the bathroom, you would be able to find your way to even if you were blind because of how often you have gotten drunk at this place.
You carefully make your way down the small hallway to the bathroom which is hidden at the back of the bar, almost reaching the women’s section when a hand grabs your wrist and pulls you back, pushing you to the nearest wall.
You gasp in the sudden coldness of the stone wall greeting your back, feeling the person’s weight pushing you to the wall and allowing you small to no room to move.
Your head snaps back up at the figure of the guy, with the silver strands of hair covering his forehead messily, The mixture of alcohol and his expensive cologne that usually persisted on your pillows when he came over to sleep at your place for the night hitting your skin.
“Kim Tae … ” you call softly, looking at the guy’s expression contouring in anger “What’s wrong?” you ask dumbfounded
“Am I joke to you?” he asks through a clenched jaw, his eyes burning in dark rage  “Huh?” He’s panting, his eyes travelling between your two dilated pupils as he demands an answer.  You just look back at him, in pure shock as you witness the side of him, you’ve barely seen before.
-
Taehyung sighs for the nth time that morning watching the director presenting his achievement in his very recent business trip, at the tail of the large table.
There is a reason he hates being a part of his dad’s business and these painfully tedious business meetings formed by men, who are mostly in their 40s and 50s, with the exception of him and his brother, make a big part of this reason.
He grabs his phone lazily, scrolling through the notifications as his eyes trace through the bunch of messages he’s received from you
“Tae, I didn’t find you at the club that night? where were you?”
“Is everything alright?"
"Why aren’t you answering my calls?”
"Pick your phone up, I wanna talk to you!"
"Tae, call me when you’re free!"
"Tae Tae? Hello?"
"Earth to Kim Tae, Earth to Kim Tae!"
"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU TAE?”
“KIM TAEHYUNG, I’LL KILL YOU IF I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!”
“PICK YOUR FUCKING PHONE BEFORE I COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND STRANGLE YOU TO DEATH!”
“Fine, dont answer me! you’ll regret it once I find you!”
“YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON'T NEED YOUR LAME ASS! DONT EVEN ANSWER ME!”
His heart clenches at the sight of the last angry message, his slender fingers carding through his silver coloured hair. After his impulsive actions with you that night, he decided it was for the best to avoid you for a while until the topic becomes that of memory for both of you, more specifically for him and he can face you again.
His mind flutters to the night from a week before, the memories still fresh like he’s still in amidst that hallway, with you caged across his arms.
“What’s wrong?,” you repeat staring into the hooded eyes of the guy pressing your body to the wall, concern creeping on your expression “What? You’re scaring me with your ugly face Tae.” you chuckle nervously to try and ease the tension but he seems to not take your lead
“I guess it’s all a joke to you-” he mutters but his sentence is interrupted with a familiar voice
“Taehyung”
You both turn to your side, observing Jimin standing there with stern eyes that are directed only at Taehyung.
“What?” Taehyung spits back in an annoyed tone that catches your attention “I need your help with the accounts, one second.” Jimin quickly replies, his eyes still intensely boring into Taehyung’s.
Taehyung hesitates, his hands still firmly pressing you against the wall, a gasp leaving your lips only realizing how firm his hold can get when he loosens his grip and you shift forward towards his chest.
“Fine” he hisses as he glares back at you for a few seconds, biting his lips as if he’s chewing the words that are about to slip out.
“Taehyung, I said I need your help!” Jimin rushes him with an angry tone. You furrow your eyebrows examining Taehyung’s face before bringing your eyes back to Jimin.
“Tae, I think you should go,” you suggest pointing at the guy who’s waiting for Taehyung to react but the guy standing against you don’t have any intentions to move.
“Let’s go,” Jimin says as he grabs Taehyung’s arms and pulls him behind himself while you just stand there and stare at the back side of your two friends drifting away from you.
Jimin pulls the guy behind himself throwing him inside the first empty VIP room he finds before locking the door behind himself.
“What the fuck are you doing?” He shouts back at the silver-haired guy who’s brushing his messy hair off his forehead.
“What?” Taehyung asks in an unfazed tone receiving a mocking scoff from Jimin.
“What? Are you really acting dumb with me?” Jimin frowns in disbelief, examining his best friend “Kim Taheyung, she’s your best friend”
“So what?” Taehyung growls bringing his dark eyes to the guy “Just because she is, it doesn’t mean she can’t be more.”
“Oh yeah?” Jimin mocks in disbelief “So you want her to be more huh? That’s what you want?”
“She’s fucking around with that fuckface from her company” Taehyung snarls through gritted teeth “Why can’t she do the same with me?”
“Do you really want me to answer that question Tae?” Jimin furrows his eyebrows watching the guy avoid his eyes nervously “fine, I’ll answer it for you. Its because you’re the type of guy who’s gone to STD checkups on a more regular basis than visiting your own parents and she-” Jimin sighs, hand carding through his rainbow-dyed hair “she can count the guys she’s slept with on one hand.”
“She’s as pure as virgin mary is what you’re saying” Taehyung nods in agreement “I already know that Jimin, you should be more creative than this old cliche story of bad boys dont fuck with good girls. I already know that by heart.”
“Do you?” Jimin jeers, his eyes widening in amusement “Is that why you’re trying her?”
“What do you wanna hear Jimin?” Taehyung’s dark, vulnerable eyes gaze at the shorter guy who’s staring back at him in rage “I fucking love her-” his eyes wander around as a small sigh leaves his lips “No, I  always fucking loved her. I loved her since the day she pulled my shredded pieces together and forced me to face myself and quit being a fucking coward, hiding behind drugs and alcohol.” Taehyung brings his tear glazed eyes to his friend “Are you happy hearing it?”
“Taehyung you can’t,” Jimin shakes his head “You’ll hurt her and you know it as much as I do”
“I know …” Taehyung sighs, falling down on the soft single sofa as he dips his head into his hands, his voice barely audible as he murmurs “I just fucking lost my mind when I saw her with that guy,” he then brings his head up and faces the guy “Who the fuck is he anyway?”
“Jeon Jungkook, one of the writers at Jung’s company” Jimin replies in a quiet tone and his friend scoffs “He’s been hitting on her for a couple of months now from what I know,” Jimin adds the extra information in an attempt to hint his friend at the possibility of you with another man.
Taehyung clenches his jaw, the fine line on his jaw protruding as the thoughts of you and Jungkook flashing in his mind.
“Get yourself together before you come out,” Jimin walks closer to the guy and presses a warm grip on his shoulder “Think about a creative explanation too, she’s not like the dumb girls you sleep with. You gotta give her something she believes.”
Taehyung sighs leaning back against the headrest of the sofa in the quiet room as the door closes behind Jimin and he’s left on his own and the silence that creeps in the four walls of the room.
After his eye-opening conversation with Jimin, he decided that he was too drunk to come up with a good explanation for his childish jealousy over you and your colleague. So he did what every other emotionally immature guy his age would do, he started avoiding you.
Well, one could argue that the move was even dumber than giving a vague explanation to you. It could perhaps spark even more suspicion in your mind that something is really going on but he couldn’t come up with a better plan so he just went with what his guts told him to do.
His attempt, however, was barely successful as you guys basically were all over each other’s life at this point. Your favourite place outside the office you practically lived your life in, was the club he owned where you downed a concerning amount of alcohol, your system could barely handle.
So he locked himself in his apartment, knowing you’d never visit him without letting him know first because of the number of times you walked on him while he was fucking a random girl.
He winces at the thoughts, realizing how he’s been basically labelling himself as a fuckboy in your eyes, practically all the years you’ve known him. All the times you visited him at his apartment only to be greeted by the sight of him boning a girl.
It is practically idiotic of him to even imagine that you would accept him as a possible significant other, considering you’d be one of the few people who know exactly how many girls he’s been with.
His eyes travel from his phone to the director that concludes his talk with a couple of flattering sentences for the Chairman of the company which happens to be his dad.
he has to stop his pupils from rolling to the back of his head, thinking the middle-aged director probably badmouths his whole family in his late-night drunk conversations with his colleagues, while sucking his dad’s dick in this meeting room.
The meeting is over and the Directors greet them one by one, their obvious flattering greetings for his brother and very reluctant greetings to him not going unnoticed from his observing eyes.
He is known to be good for nothing son of Kim Corporation, being famous to be on the list of useless rich kids who basically contribute nothing to their family business.
So it wasn’t much of a surprise for him to see the directors treat him with such underwhelming attitude, considering he’ll be not much of a use to them anyway.
“Both of you, come to my room!” his dad orders sternly, before leaving the two young men in the meeting room, the room now completely empty after everyone leaves.
“I shouldn’t have come,” Taehyung sighs in frustration, ruffling his messy hair as he grabs a bottle of water from the table and looks at his brother “I mean honestly no one really cares if I’m here or not.”
“Dad cares,” his brother replies in a soft tone “and I care, so you’re attending the directors meeting until we are here.” he then glances over the guy before asking “You alright? you look a bit out of it, Tae?”
“It’s alright,” Taehyung replies, feeling slightly taken off guard by his brother’s question “Just some personal shit.”
Seokjin isn’t always indifferent to him, but the age difference between them hasn’t allowed the two brothers to be super close to each other. He doesn’t blame Seokjin for it. after all, he was taking care of all the responsibilities since forever and he was always thankful for it. But still, it was quite hard for him to open up to the older, considering they barely had much one on one time growing up.
“By the dark circles under your eyes and your unwashed hair I can tell its girl issues,” the older suggest, watching Taehyung tense on his spot at the remark “I’ve been there, dont worry! I know how it usually goes.”
“You’ve had-” Taehyung asks with a frown on his face “lady issues?”
“Of course,” Seokjin laughs at his surprised expression “What did you think? that I’m just a heartless jerk?”
“No It's just that-” Taehyung scratches the back of his head “You dont seem the type to be into that shit!”
“What shit?” Seokjin raises an eyebrow “Love?” he asks mischievously
Taehyung clears his throat, blushing like a little kid being who is caught doing something embarrassing “Yeah, Whatever that shit is called.”
“Oh dear,” Seokjin shakes his head watching his younger brother “poor girl, If I ever meet her I’ll tell her to run.” he scoffs, watching his brother grimace at his remark “let’s go, dad is waiting!” he says before leaving the room ahead of him.
-
You press the green button beside Taehyung’s number for the 100th time that week, pressing the device to your ear as you murmured “Pick your phone up, you little bitch!” under your breath
The phone continues to ring for a few more times before sending you to the nasal voice of a woman asking you to leave a voice message. Well, the first few times you did, you left angry voice messages on his phone, screaming at the phone for him to stop ignoring you but you have given up by now.
You reach for your bag on your desk and push the phone in it as you whisper “Fine, ignore me all you want. I’ll just barge into your house and confront your ugly face by force.” you mutter the angry words to your computer screen as you quickly save your drafts when you hear Jungkook’s voice.
“Should we go for a drink tonight?” He stops by your desk, looking at your sour expression  "Having a bit of slump?“ he asks lightly, not realizing he’s playing with the edge of the knife considering how angry you are "I could probably help-”
“Piss off Jeon,” you hiss, throwing an angry glare at him “I dont have the nerves to entertain you right now.”
“Jesus,” he mutters, frowning at your heated tone “I was just trying to be helpful, you dont need to be so aggressive all the time.”
“No thank you, Mr Jeon,” you face him after grabbing your handbag and standing across him “I haven’t changed my mind and I dont wanna fuck you.” you say in a calm tone complemented by a fake smile.
“Seriously?!” he scoffs, leaning closer as you take a step back unconsciously, caging you between his body and the desk “After all this, you still think I just wanna get into your pants?”
“I …” you breath out, you expression softening as you realize perhaps you overreacted a bit “I’m sorry, I haven’t had the best day. I shouldn’t have vented my anger on you.”
He’s taken back by your apology, you can tell by how his dark eyes soften into those round, soft orbs that sometimes, although you desperately want to deny has you melting for them.
“It’s alright,” he takes a tiny step back, but still close enough to be face to face with you “My offer is still on, do you wanna have a drink tonight?” he hesitates before sighing “It’s on me, you dont have to take me to your friend’s club for free drinks.”
“Did you hate it that much?” You furrow your eyebrows at his remark
“I mean-” he hesitates before muttering “He was onto us the whole time we were there, It was a bit awkward.”
“What?” you laugh at his statement “No he wasn’t! Taehyung is not like that, he’s never the type to be counting how many drinks I have there.”
“Oh Gosh, ” he sighs with a mocking tone “You’re a bit dense, aren’t you?”
“Jeon Jungkook-” you hiss but he’s fast to interrupt you
“You didn’t answer me?” he raises an eyebrow “Drink? tonight? Yes or No?”
“fine,” your roll your eyes at his impatient tone “I’ll save you from wasting time, finding a chick to drink with if you’re that desperate!”
“That’s so nice of you Y/N,” he nods as he leans closer and licks his lips seductively “Do you also take responsibility for my other needs?”
Your jaw drops in disappointment, realizing men are looking for one thing after all, “Changed my mind,” you reply with a forced smile “Go find a chick to meet all of your needs, It’ll be easier for both of us.”
You walk past him when he grabs your wrist and stops you midway
“8 PM, the bar across the office!” he says in a firm tone as if he’s implying that he won’t accept any rejection
“I’ll think about it,” you reply, refusing to give in till the end as you leave the office.
You get into the uber you called a few minutes ago, apologizing to the young man for making him wait, cursing Jungkook under your breath as you hand him the address to Taehyung’s place.
It’s been a week now; since the night Taehyung stopped you in the hallway leading to the bathroom you frequently visited in the club. He was looking with a displeased expression and as you started to recognize the type of anger glazing his eyes, you grew even more concerned.
It was the same type of rage you witnessed once before when you sat there in Taehyung’s living room while his dad lectured him with venom in his voice about how disappointed he is.
He then went on to scold Taehyung for living like scum and hanging out with beggars like you.
You sat there, barely feeling any anger for the older man, at this point in life you were old enough to know a thing called the gap between rich and poor and how people from the higher socioeconomic status perceive those like you.
His dad was a dick but what concerned you the most was Taehyung glaring at his dad’s direction while panting heavily in anger, looking like he might charge towards him any second.
Your prediction turned out to be right when the guy shifted on his spot, about to do exactly as you guessed but your hands were quick to cover his thigh, urging him to contain himself by pressing as hard as you could on his quads muscles.
You remember this expression very well because what followed after his dad left his apartment was him screaming the anger he felt for the older man followed by the two of your drinking until you could barely speak.
When you both had enough alcohol in your system and your words started to become more of a slur than a clear speech, Taehyung cried in your chest and apologised for all his dad said to you while you reassured him that you were fine. The next day both you decided to forget the night.
But it was different now, there was no involvement of his dad and the only person in the equation he could be angry at that night was you. because you somehow managed to piss him off enough to bring out the worst you could ever imagine out of him.
Your heart sinks as you remember once again what happened after your discontinued conversation which was interrupted by Jimin. These days you never see Taehyung in the club at nights, barely receiving any replies to your calls and texts.
Although you decided to not read much into it and try to give him time, you started to become more suspicious that he’s avoiding you as he continued ignoring your calls. And today, you finally lost it.
You were looking at the edited version of the scene you’ve written based on him, every line reminding you the buried anxious feeling you had about losing him. He’s been your best friend for years now, and even the thought of losing him over a mistake that you weren’t even aware of committing it, was suffocating for you.
The car pulls over and you quickly get off the backseat, greeting the driver in a rushed manner as you run in the apartment complex. The old security greets you with his usual friendly tone but you’re too anxious to return the favour as you press the button on the side of the lift.
After a few seconds, the door opens and you get in, pressing the number that leads to Taehyung’s flat a couple of times as if it will help get you there any faster.
You grab your phone and attempt to call him one last time, you’ve already decided to barge into his flat even if he doesn’t reply but it doesn’t hurt to try and be respectful of his privacy before you say fuck it and force yourself into his personal space.
You’re not surprised when the phone sends you to voicemail, considering this has been the pattern of you attempting to contact him for the past few days.
You stand in front of his flat, inhaling air into your lungs as you feel all the anger and emotions that have been piled up in your heart finally get to your head as you punch the passcode in the key slot and twist the doorknob.
“Don't you dare blame me for invading your privacy when I fucking warned you Kim Tae-” you start to rant your way in with a raised voice as you throw your shoes off your feet on the side, bringing your gaze up only to see Taehyung with another unfamiliar, older guy sitting in his living room.
“H-Hi!” you force the greeting, suddenly all your anger disappearing upon seeing the two men
“Y/N,” he calls, his tone hoarse and breathy “What are you doing here?” he stands up walking to you
Your eyes travel between him and the guy who’s drinking from his pint of beer, eyeing you from head to toe as you reply “You kept ignoring my calls,” your eyes are still at the guy who smiles with himself, taking a bigger gulp of his beer upon hearing your voice “So I came here.” You finally bring your focus back on Taehyung as you abruptly ask “who’s that?”
“His brother,” the guy finally stands up and waves at you “Glad you asked. I thought I’m gonna have to sit here awkwardly the whole time. I’m Seokjin.” he then eyes his brother with a playful smile “and who are you?”
“Y/N-” you mutter but your self-introduction quickly comes to an end after a word when Taehyung grabs your arm and pushes you to the door
“Look, I’m actually busy now. I’ll call you and we can talk later!” he says as he reaches for the doorknob, while you repulsively move towards the door
“Tae, I think she can join us,” Seokjin calls for him and you look back to see if the guy is serious about his proposition “I mean she must be pretty close to you, to know your passcode. She might be able to help with your issue.”
“Help?” You quickly perk at the words as you pull your arms out of Taehyung’s grip and step closer to where his brother is sitting “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Taehyung says gripping your wrist this time and pulling you back towards the door “It’s nothing you should be concerned with-”
“He’s getting married.” Seokjin declares and your eyes are about to pop out of socket as they travel between him and Taehyung.
“What?” you shriek with lost eyes “W-When … How’s that even possible?” you ask as you shake your head in disbelief “Kim Tae? Getting married?” you laugh hysterically, trying to cover up the sinking feeling in your heart. 
You’re not even sure why you’re feeling so out of breath hearing about your best friend’s plans for marriage “Is that a joke?” you ask with a mocking tone
“Does he look like he’s joking?” Taehyung frowns at your response
“So you’re telling me, you,” you hesitate to point at his chest “Kim Taehyung is getting married?” you laugh again before pausing to look at him “Its must be a  joke , right?”
Taehyung sighs as he releases his grip on your arm before throwing himself at the nearest couch, shutting his eyes closed. You realize at this point, that perhaps, it’s not a joke after all so you quickly sit across him and look at his brother.
“But he’s not ready!” you protest in a rushed tone, not even considering the implications of your word before his brother speaks out.
“Mhmm Interesting,” he nods as he eyes his younger brother “And why do you say so?”
“Because-” you start the sentence, watching Tae bringing his gaze up onto you as you clumsily make the sentence “Because he’s still immature and-” you bat your eyelids trying to think of the next word “and he’s a fuckboy. he messes around with girls and he’s not the type to commit to one girl. How can he ever be bound to one person by marriage?”
You dont realize how the words that are leaving your lips carelessly could be interpreted as you’re saying them, but only come to your senses when Taehyung’s eyes darken.
“So that’s what you think of me huh?” his husky voice rings in your ear and you gulp, feeling intimidated by his tone for the first time in your years of friendship “That I’m immature, that I can’t commit to girls and I just mess around with them huh?” He scoffs, his head falling back as he shuts his eyes closed, making the bulging vein on his neck come to view.
“I mean- I, I-” you stutter as you try to form a response, eyeing his older brother who’s watching the scene in silence “I’m not totally wrong, am I?”
“No,” he nods, his eyes still shut and his voice lowered an octave “You’re right!” he nods again with a dark smirk plastered on the corner of his lips as he brings his gaze to you “But that’s not any of your concern as I said. So why don’t you mind your own fucking business?”
“T-Tae,” you call softly, your eyes glazing with tears that are threatening to fall down your cheek. It's been a week since you’ve seen him, you’ve missed him so much that all you want to do is to hug his stupid gigantic chest and feel at ease again. but instead, you are sitting across him being told that you should mind your own business right into your face “I … you’ve been avoiding me … and I just wanted-”
“Stop invading my personal space,” he spits back, his voice filled with sharp venom that cuts right through your heart “And you’re right, I’m immature, a fuckboy, a scum as my everyone else say. But that’s not any of your concern,” his jaw protrudes as he pauses before adding “That’s my future wife’s concern and she’s apparently fine with it.”
“F-Future wife?” You repeat, the words somehow translating to the fact that you will lose your best friend very soon “You’re really getting married? With who?” You ask in disbelief
“The daughter of JH Group,” its Seokjin’s voice that responds you this time and your gaze drifts away from your best friend “she really likes him,” he suggests, a playful smile fluttering on his lips that for some reason makes you want to punch him right there “I guess she doesn’t mind his past with other girls.”
I don’t mind his past, you scream in your head but you quickly have to shake the thoughts off and scold yourself for thinking of such an absurd thing. You have to blink rapidly to stop the tears from rolling down your eyes.
“Good,” you nod flashing a forced smile to his brother “I was just worried,” you dig your teeth onto your bottom lip “Watching him play with girls like playing cards, changing from one to another so fast because he got bored of them easily had me worried, wondering which stupid girl would ever want to stay with him.” you say through gritted eyes, your gaze piercing into Taehyung’s dark and furious orbs as you stand up “Good for you, I better go before I’m late for my date with Jungkook.”
You’re not sure why you include that extra information about your so-called date with Jungkook; probably one of the many questions that sparked during this conversation along with others like why you were so heated over Taehyung’s marriage and why you felt jealous of this girl you didn’t even know just because she was Taehyung’s soon to be wife.
You shut the door behind yourself after bidding Seokjin a polite goodbye, leaving the two guys on their own.
What you dont know is that the two remaining men sit there, conversing about no other person but you.
“That’s it?” Seokjin asks the guy who has his head between his hands, falling low against his body “You’re not gonna even go after her?”
“Hyung,” he breaths out facing the older guy with rage “With all due respect, can you please shut the fuck up?” he’s panting, his nose flaring with air that he exhales every time “Why the fuck did you tell her about the marriage?” he scoffs , his gaze wandering on the empty couch that you were sitting on a few seconds ago “To see how she belittles me and calls me a scum?”
“You’re an idiot Tae,” the older shakes his head in disapproval “You both are.” he sighs as he stands up from his seat, placing his pint of beer on the glass tea table “I did what I could, but I can’t make two blind people see eye to eye when they both refuse to even open their eyes." 
he says as he walks closer to the frustrated guy "Open your eyes, or you’ll have to watch her sleep in another man’s arms. That’s all the advice I can give you.”  he says before walking to the door and leaving Taehyung on his own.
-
“Hey,” you flash a tipsy smile which has the guy furrow his eyebrows as he gets closer to you “sit down!” you offer the seat beside you to him
“Are you planning to kill me?” he asks in a suspicious tone
“Not today, Jeon!” you chuckle and watch his expression contouring in more confusion “Maybe some other time. for tonight I need a drinking buddy.”
“Are you sure?” He flinches at your strange behaviour as he continues “You’re acting really weird.”
“I’m trying to be nice,” you roll your eyes at him as you fill up his glass with the bottle Johnnie  you ordered earlier “Your favourite right?”
He nods, gulping the shot down as he eyes you carefully “Spit it out, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” you gulp a gentle sip of your glass “I just had an argument with my friend.”
“Kim Taehyung?” he asks and you look at him in surprise
“How do you know?” you ask, tensing at how easily he can read you
“He was giving me death glares the whole night,” he smirks as he turns around to face you on his side “Are you sure you guys are just friends?”
“Y-Yeah,” you nod, feeling slightly uncomfortable about the question, after your earlier conversation with Taehyung and his brother you are still baffled about your confusing emotions about him and his marriage “why?”
“He seems to like you,” he shrugs “I mean if he was really just your friend, he would have never cockblocked you like he did that night?”
“Wait, What?” you shake your head at his statement “he never cockblocked me?”
“He was literally watching us for the first half an hour I got there,” he smirks looking at your surprised expression “I guess you have things to clear out with your "friend”.“
You consider Jungkook’s words for a few seconds before quickly shaking it off with a bitter smile "There is no need. He’s getting married soon, that should be enough to clear things out.” you reply and Jungkook raises an eyebrow
“Interesting,” he nods, tapping his shot at yours “Okay then.” he shrugs indifferent and gulps the shot down “To your friend’s marriage.”
-
You enter the familiar space of the club you visit almost every night, greeting Jimin who’s cleaning the shelves filled with different bottles of alcoholic drinks.
“Hey Jiminie,” you call for him, catching his attention as he looks at you and flashes soft smile “How’s it going?”
“You’re early tonight!” the voices out with a grin
“I thought maybe I can find Tae if I come early,” you reply in a hesitant tone, avoiding his piercing gaze which is trying to figure you out “Is he here?”
“He … ” he starts, hesitantly glancing his way up at the VIP rooms upstairs and you immediately know you finally found your prey as you make your way to the stairs
“No, wait-”
You hear Jimin calling for you from behind but you can barely stop yourself from barging into each room at the second floor, checking in to every single one of them, one after another to find him.
It’s been 3 days since you talked at his place, 10 days since he’s been ignoring your calls and texts and you were not having it anymore. If it took another confrontation and an argument to come to closure, you were prepared to go all the way.
It’s the 5th room you open the door to when you find him, half sitting on a couch while a girl in her lingerie’s is kneeling against his thighs, pleasing him.
His eyes are shut, resembling the way he closed them the day you argued in his flat, droplets of sweat running down the side of his neck while his plump lips part and wanton moans leave his lips.
“Fuck,” he breathes out, holding onto the girl’s hair firmly as he orders “Deeper, suck me deeper.”
The girl complies and you lick your lips, watching her gag on his girth, this time not very surprised by his ridiculous size since you’ve seen it all before. You have to leave, you clearly tell yourself that in your mind but still your feet are stuck to the floor, your eyes not tearing themselves apart from the erotic scene of your best friend receiving pleasure from another girl.
You dig your teeth onto your bottom lips as you remember the weekend you spent at home, bringing yourself to orgasm again and again just by the aid of your newly arrived vibrator and the dirty erotic scenes you’ve had saved in your memory from watching your best friend fuck another girl.
You just blamed it on the time of the month, your ovulation, the fact that you missed Taehyung and also was immensely pissed at him that he was the key to your delicious highs all weekend.
But you can no longer deny it, you are thirsting over your best friend and his seductively large dick. You bite your lips, feeling a drip of arousal running down your thighs as you confess to your sin in your mind.
You gasp as Taehyung suddenly parts his lids and bring them to you, pupils, dilating in surprise as he catches sight of you. but what follows causes your eyeballs to practically popping out of the socket.
“Y/N-” he moans in a whiny tone, holding onto the girl’s head as he thrusts his hip forward into her throat “Fuck, Y/N …” he calls again, throwing his head back “Its feels so good, Fuck …” he sighs, shutting his eyes closed again.
Your eyes travel to the girl and that’s your epiphany, you wanna be her. you wanna be on your knees, with your lips around Taehyung’s girth, deep throating and gagging on his ginormous cock until he calls your name like how he is now.
The rush of arousal drips down your core as blood races up your cheek and you finally come clean with yourself and realize you should no longer stay there. You turn on your heel, finally tearing your gaze from the sensual scene before rushing out of the room and down the stairs.
“Y/N … what happened?” Jimin asks in concern, his eyes examining your crimson tinted face
“N…Nothing …” you say panting heavily as you practically ran down the stairs “I gotta go, see you later.” you manage to form the words clumsily before you rush out of the club.
-
It's been officially two weeks since your quarrel with Taehyung. If for the first ten days he was the only one guilty of avoiding the situation, now it was on your side too. After practically finding yourself drooling over your best friend’s cock in another girl’s mouth, you decided you really need to get your life together.
Your first defence mechanism was to bring up excuses, it’s been long since you were in a relationship, its been even longer since you put your genital anywhere near another human being. So you assumed you were just confused and flustered by the carnal desires.
There is still that turn of your stomach at the thought of Taehyung marrying the girl you secretly hated even before meeting her, that was kind of nagging you to prove you otherwise. but you are stronger to let it sink into your thoughts and make their destructive effects.
You decide to organize your room on your day off, the whole organization giving you both time and venue to organize your mind at the same time. you aren’t even surprised when you spend the whole morning cleaning the room you basically leave in the morning only to come back late at night, intoxicated by alcohol to sleep in.
You sigh as you pull out all of your drawers, emptying the content of each of them to vacuum the month old dust that has accumulated in it. sitting in the middle of the pile of notebooks and journals you find your photo album which contains all your memories growing up.
You decide a walk down memory lane would be a good idea for a mundane day like this so you flip through the pages, smiling at how silly you look in each picture.
Your finger stops flipping through the page when there is a picture of you and Taehyung, both in your school uniform making faces to the camera with your graduation certificates in hand.
You dont even realize you’re crying, the wet trail of tear down your cheek is your only clue to the emotions pouring out on a physical level.
“Idiot,” you whisper touching the guy’s tanned skin in the image “I missed you.”
your attention diverts to your phone on your side, glancing at the text notification on the screen from Jung.
“Hey everyone, dont forget the party tonight. We’re all gathering at EVE, the bar across the office. dont forget everyone can bring their partner/significant other. See you all there!”
You sigh, remembering you committed to attending the party that Jung decided to throw to celebrate your new book with everyone else. your eyes glaze over the word partner/ significant other and you heave a sigh. These are the times you hated being single the most.
Jungkook is your momentary option, but considering how much of a big ego he is, you would never bring yourself down to ask him first. it is already late and you have to come up with an idea.
you scroll through your contacts, considering every guy friend you have. Jimin is your go-to option but you know in these situations but you know he works at the club tonight and since its weekend, he won’t be able to leave the place to the inexperienced part-timers either.
you fingers stop scrolling at Taehyung’s name, gulping nervously as your finger hovers over his name when suddenly the phone goes dark and then his name flashes on the screen along with the ring of the phone.
“Hello?” you immediately answer the phone, cursing yourself for appearing so desperate when his voice echoes in the device
“Hey…” he greets awkwardly as he shifts over the phone “H..How are yo-”
“Do you wanna go to a party with me?” you ask in a rushed tone, interrupting him midway through his greeting
“O-Ok …” he replies hesitantly “when is it?” he leads you on to your surprise
“Tonight!” you say nervously as you shift the phone to your other ear, your gaze fixed on the guy’s younger version in the image “Are you busy?”
“N-No … I … I mean-” he breaths out nervously as he murmurs “Its fine, I’ll pick you up then.”
“Okay, see ya.” you disconnect the phone before rushing to the shower to get ready.
The office parties are one place you need to show that you are more than the nerd author who spends her days stuck onto her chair writing fictions. So you usually put a lot more effort than the dark pencil skirt and white dress shirt you usually sport at work.
But this time, you’re not sure why but you’re feeling all giddy inside, like a teenager going on her first date who wants to look good to the boy of her fantasies.
You spend another half an hour staring into your vanity as you try to perfect your makeup and eyeliners, the masses of Q tips and wet wipes messily spread over the table indicating your failure.
You sigh in relief as the final touch of lipstick comes to your lips, and you check the time on your phone realizing you’ve got ready just on time.
A simple text from Taehyung, saying he’s waiting for you downstairs has you rushing down your hallway, with your handbag and heels in each hand. you quickly slide into your heels before finally leaving the house.
Taehyung is in his bright red Audi, which usually has eyes drawn to it, just like its owner. You feel nervous, something in your tummy turns when brings his gaze from his phone up to you as he hears your heels click on the ground.
You hold your breath in your chest, the momentary eye contact fluttering the memories of the last time you saw those dark orbs looking back at you.
“Hey!” you pant as you get in the passenger’s side, reaching for the seatbelt when he leans in and pulls it for you
“Hey!” he murmurs in his deep voice, his warm breath hitting your neck as he shifts away and fastens the seat belt “Where is the place?”
“EVE, the bar in front of the office.” you quickly mutter as you search for your GPS but he presses his hand on yours to stop you
“I think I know it,” he mutters and you gulp, feeling his touch on your hand.
You can’t believe you’re craving for the simplest touch from him only after two weeks. You wonder if spending time with anyone for so long would make you so needy and craving for their existence as you craved for Tae
“How have you been?” he asks, his eyes fixed on the road
“Good, pretty good,” you reply, proud of yourself for not stuttering your answer
“How’s the book going?” he asks, glancing at your for a moment before drifting his attention back on the road
“Good, we’re due to publish it next month,” you hesitate before you add “Tonight’s party is held because of the book.”
“Mhmm,” he hums in response, nodding his head “You should have told me, I would have brought a gift or something,” he says as he purses his lips into a tiny pout.
It takes all your willpower to not lean in and kiss that tiny pout on his lips but you manage to hold back and mutter “Its fine,” you chuckle awkwardly as you add “I mean, you were my muse, so I should be the one buying you something.”
He takes his eyes from the road, glancing at you for a second while having the steering skillfully controlled without having any view of the road ahead, his only view your anxious expression.
“Muse?” he asks, narrowing his eyes “Right!” he nods, his tongue poking to lick his lips as his aura changes into his usual mischievous mode “I forgot I was the reason you finished the book.”
“Yeah,” you agree with him “I kind of owe the publication of this book to you,” you confess honestly
“And as long as I remember you never paid me back,” he says in a sassy tone, while he reverses parks his sports car into one of the spots allocated in front of the bar.
You ignore his words, reaching for your seatbelt when he leans in, his face a few inches away from you as he holds onto the hand your trying to unfasten your seatbelt with.
“So,” he hesitates, his dark eyes piercing into yours “how are you gonna pay me back?”
“H..How do you want me to pay you back?” you ask as you bat your eyelids anxiously “I mean- I mean it’d be ridiculous for me to pay you back in money.”
“right, It can’t be money but there should be another way right?” he asks, a faint smirk glazing on his lips when the click of the seatbelt echoes in the silence of the car and the fabric is pulled back into its place in a fast pace “I’ll think about it,” he says simply before getting off the car.
The party is as boring as it always been. a bunch of colleagues who absolutely have no interest in each other’s life, showing up with their significant others, only to prove others that somehow their life is more than what they do in the company which is perhaps not even true.
You can sense the eyes of the ladies and even some guys on Taehyung from the all over the room. it wasn’t the first time the silver-haired guy attracted attention in a social gathering like this so you were somehow used to having people swooning over his beauty.
But for some reason, you feel your throat going dry every time he greets another lady with his suggestive and seductive words. The guy has a big sign reading “I have the best dick in the room” plastered all over his confident tone and expressions and the fact that you know that is true anger you even more.
Who are you kidding, you were practically one of those girls who wanted to be served by his dick a few days ago and you’re not even sure if you’ve changed your mind since or not.
So you have no right to judge when one of your colleagues who come alone to the party starts to engage him in a heated conversation about the new clothes line released by Gucci which Taehyung’s body was adorned by.
You quietly walk away from the two, walking to the bartender as you ask for a tequila, reminiscing all the times you’ve asked Jimin for one. You miss him, considering you’ve met the guy at Taehyung’s club more often than your own parents.
You down the tequila feeling suddenly down about the whole situation you put yourself in. Was this book even worth it? you wonder as you glance back at the silver-haired guy who’s seducing yet another girl for the night.
Maybe if you weren’t aware of how good he dicks his girls down, if that night you refused to cave in to the temptations of beating Jungkook, if you just wrote the piece from a text reference or something … maybe then your feelings was never ignited for your best friend. Maybe now you wouldn’t be feeling the turn in your tummy from the sight of him flirting with other girls. or that sinking feeling in your heart every time you remember that he’ll be married soon.
“I was waiting for your call!” Jungkook orders a shot for himself glancing over at your best friend before muttering “But I guess you had someone else to come with.”
you glance at your side, hearing Jungkook’s voice, a heavy sigh leaving your chest as your reply “I was waiting for yours.”  at this point you dont even care if you place your ego aside, you’re too tipsy to keep your head high.
“We’re both quite thick-headed, aren’t we?” He scoffs at your response “That’s why we’ve been breathing on each other’s neck for two years in that office and yet …” he takes a sip of his glass of Johnnie “none of us have the balls to do anything.”
“I assumed you’d have the balls,” you raise an eyebrow, the alcohol dissolving in your blood giving you extra courage “I guess not much is happening down there, Jeon.” you motion down at his crotch with your head
“You’re so fucking cheeky all the time … ” he inhales as he takes a step closer to you “I bet that smart mouth of yours would look so good around my cock,” he whispers the filthy words and you have to take a moment to digest the fact that he just suggested such filthy thing in a public place like this.
“Why dont we try?” you challenge him and this time you take a step closer “I’d love to see if you actually have any balls.”
He smirks at your play on words, clenching his jaw as his eyes darken in pure lust “the bathroom at our 3 o'clock, be there in 5 minutes."
he doesn’t allow you to question his proposition for a second time, as he turns on his heel and makes his way to the location he just notified you about.
You take your time, downing another shot since what you were about to do needed a bit more alcohol courage than you already had. You’ve never done public before but for some reason, with the jealousy and frustration blinding your vision, you found the idea extremely appealing.
You place the glass shot before turning on your heels and nervously making your way to the male bathroom that Jungkook disappeared to earlier. To your utter surprise, no one is around and you make your way inside without embarrassingly caught red-handed.
After a quick knock, the door opens and Jungkook yanks you in the small cubicle, pressing his lips on your as he pushes you to the wooden door.
You impatiently reach for his belt, loosening the leather material before unbuttoning and unzipping his pants all in a few seconds.
"Impatient huh?” He breathes out, watching you focus your attention on his crotch as your lower his pants down, dropping to your knee.
“It’s not like we have much time,” you spit back with a frown, keeping your gaze at him as you lower his boxer on his thighs.
You gulp, your eyes slowly drifting down to his toned muscles, wondering how the hell he manages to be so muscular and fit considering he spends most his time sitting on his desk like you.
“I guess you do have balls,” you point out mockingly as you glance up, watching him scoff at your remark
“Are you just gonna examine my balls or you wanna do something about it?” He raises an eyebrow
“Of course …” you reach to grab a fistful of him, pumping his dick to get the blood rushing in his manhood, watching his muscles contract and relax against your hand “I’m gonna show you my balls now,” you say before leaning in and enveloping him between your lips.
“Fuck,” he writes, his head falling back as he thrusts his length even more in your mouth “It feels even better than what I imagined.”
You furrow your eyebrows at his words, thinking exactly how many times the guy imagined you in the current position to have come up with a certain expectation like that.
He’s not as gigantic as Taehyung, you realize within the first few pumps of his cock in your mouth, but he is good in his own league. It doesn’t take long before his hand grips onto strands of your hair, pushing himself further in your throat and your gag reflex starts to get in the way.
“Shit,” he clenches his jaw as he brings his gaze down to you “I need more, take me more Y/N.”
You slack your jaw and ease your throat to allow the guy in even more, as your fondle with his balls at the same time to amplify his pleasure.
“God YES!” He cries as he fucks your throat “You take me so well baby, its feel like heaven.”
The praising words encourage you to move your head faster while using your free hand to hold onto the guy’s iron thighs as a handle. Jungkook picks up your attempt and fastens the snap of his own hip in and out of your mouth and he reaches his high.
“FUCK Y/N … ” he calls in a needy tone “I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum in your mouth baby,” he warns and you give him a nod of approval, Jungkook releasing a big spurt of his cum down your throat.
His hip stutters and he slows down before completely pulling out and quickly grabbing your wrist to pull you up onto your feet.
“Fuck,” he voices out “That was-” he tries to form the words but instead he leans in and kisses your lips, tasting his own cum in your tongue.
As you shut your eyes close in the kiss, you can’t help but see Taehyung’s dark orbs glaring your way. a rush of guilt fills your heart, thinking he’s probably out there in the boring party you brought him to, while you’re fucking your coworker in the male bathroom.
“Jungkook …” you gasp as you pull back, nervously shifting your gaze as you  mutter “I should get myself fixed before anyone comes.” you quickly turn around to unlock the door when his voice stops you
“before anyone comes?” His dark voice echoes in your ear as he adds “Are you worried your "friend”, Taehyung,  sees you with my cum all over your lips? “ he whispers against your ear as he leans closer to you, his chest pressing against your back.
You furrow your eyebrows, sensing a tint of evil in his voice, but for now, all you were concerned with was to leave this cubicle and clean your cum covered lips.
So you open the door of the bathroom and step out, bringing your head up to face the mirror only to see your best friend standing there with his hands across his chest, glaring at you as he rests his back on the tiled wall
"Tae …” you call for him, voice shaking at the thought of him hearing all the filthy things you’ve been doing with Jungkook a few seconds ago “W..What are you doing he-”
“I know what I want as payback for being your muse,” he says through gritted teeth as he points at the closed door of the cubicle where Jungkook is in behind you “I’ll have what he had!” he says in a demanding tone and your eyes widen in surprise.
-
You glance over at your friend whose eyes are fixed on the road. After your embarrassing confrontation in the bathroom, followed by his bizarre request, he left you on your own in there.
You proceeded to fix yourself up in the bathroom mirror, not even bothering to bid Jungkook a goodbye as your only goal at this point was to leave this place and all memories associated with it behind.
So here you are now, sitting in your friend’s sports car, driving to God knows where.
You bite your lips nervously upon seeing his well-defined eyebrows furrowing close together. He seems pissed, you can tell by the silent treatment he’s been giving you all night at the party.
He even had the audacity to flirt with every girl who was on her own, completely ignoring the fact that he was supposed to be your so-called “partner” after interrupting your session with Jungkook.
You scoff at the thought, which immediately draws his attention, his hollow eyes travelling momentarily from the road to you. You gulp quickly looking away, not bearing to watch his angry eyes.
No matter how many years its been since you’ve known him, you feel your blood running cold when he gives you those angry glares. He is intimidating, no matter how much you deny it with yourself or him.
The car pulls over and you glance over at the sight of his apartment complex coming to your view, Taehyung stopping just in front of the lobby as the security waves for him.
you watch as he gets off the passenger side, and you have no other choice but to follow as he hands the car key to his security. Your rushed footsteps follow after him inside the lobby, watching him press the elevator button while tapping the front of his shoe on the marble floor.
As you stop across him and attempt to ask what you’re doing here, the lift’s door opens and he steps in. You hesitate to watch him from the outside as he presses the button to his flat.
The door proceeds to close between you when he quickly presses the button and gives you an unimpressed look
”What?” He raises an eyebrow “Are you coming or not?”
You feet unconsciously step in upon his questioning and the door closes behind you. You totally lose all trail of your thoughts, and the questions you were gonna ask, just watching the digit on the lift increasing dumbfoundedly.
The lift stops with the sound of a bell and your best friend steps out. You follow after him silently like a kid who is waiting for her punishment, knowing very well there is something coming up with his angry demeanour.
Taehyung walks in the kitchen which is across the entrance, immediately reaching for a bottle of beer and snaps it open before pressing it against his lips and gulping half the bottle while he glances at you.
you push your shoes to the side, entering the familiar place while making a momentary eye contact with him which makes things even more awkward between the two of you.
”You’re not gonna give me one!?” You chuckle lightly pointing at his fridge trying to ease the mood
“You already had enough drinks for your limit,” he says unimpressed as he takes another sip “5 shots of tequila, I wonder if that’s why you were sucking dick in the bathroom.”
“Taehyung-“ you wince with furrowed eyebrows, suddenly feeling defensive about his statement
”anyways,” he shrugs it off, glancing away as he mutters “I already said what I want, it’s up to you.” He declares as he stares back at you with waiting eyes
“What-“ you part your lips but then gasp, mouth wide open at the realization “Were you serious!?”
“You dont have to do it,” he quickly replies in a rushed tone, raising his shoulder in a quick shrug “I never did it for something in return anyway.”
You hesitate, waiting for him to break that serious expression he’s wearing on his face any second and tell you its all a joke. But he doesn’t, instead, he just takes another big gulp of his bottle of beer, his Adam’s apple moving between the toned muscles of his neck.
”If you’re still on your words, get in my room and think of your safe word,” he instructs simply as if it’s not weird at all “If not, I’ll drop you off at your place.”
You stare at him in a daze, trying to digest his words. He just suggested you go wait in his room like those girls he bones every other night. The image has you clenching your thighs together. You wanna believe you’re weirded out and you wanna walk out. But in reality, you really wanna walk down his hallway and get on your knees to be one of those girls shamelessly.
”Let’s go,” he says as he places the bottle of beer on the kitchen top “I’ll drop you ho-“
”I’ll do it,” you quickly interrupt, retracting your arm from his reach “I wanna pay you back and if this is your preferred method, fine! I’ll do it.” You say determinedly
”you dont have to,” he says looking directly into your eyes, stepping closer across your body
”I want to.” You repeat firmly, looking back at his eyes that suddenly turn darker in lust
”Fine,” he nods, hesitation still evident in his quivering pupils as they travel between your two eyes “Go wait in the room,” he hesitates as he glances down at your body “naked!”
Your breath hitches at the request, eyes unconsciously widening at his words.
“Alright,” You nod, standing there, still on your spot as if you’re still trying to think this plan through “Alright!” You nod again before turning on your heels and walking down the hallway to his room.
There is an odd feeling at the pit of your stomach when you step in the room, the sheet messily curled on the bed reminding you of the other night you were here. the night you watched Taehyung fuck that girl so intensely, it left you high and dry craving for some.
The realization finally hits you, now it’s you, you’re another one of those girls who you always used to mock over the years. sure, Taehyung was always an attractive young man, but you never understood why girls loved to be in his bed just as a playtoy for a night between his thighs.
“I thought I gave you an order!”
you turn around facing the guy, a shiver running down your spine the moment you hear his deep husky voice echoing in the four walls of the room.
“It’s not late,” he explains softly, no trace of anger or authority evident in his voice “If you regret it, step out and leave the apartment. I’ll be out in the lobby in five.”
“Why are you so insistent on me leaving?” You raise an eyebrow as your hands trace down to the hem of your dress “Do you regret asking me?” you step closer to him daring “Do you not want this with me?”
“No,” he snaps, his eyebrows furrowing closer together at the daring question “I dont regret a single thing. I just want you to know you have a choice.”
“And I said I’m fine,” you persist as you roll up your tight dress onto your waist and up to your chest, the fabric creating some friction with the curves of your chest before driving up onto your neck.
You throw the piece of dress aside, gulping nervously as you watch Taehyung’s eyes fixed on yours. You are slightly surprised that he almost resists to look down on your body.
“Am I gonna be the only one naked here?” you ask raising an eyebrow, trying to fight for dominance in the conversation despite your crumbling confidence due to your exposed body.
“No,” He says as his eyes falter away, hand reaching to loosen his tie that is perfectly hugging his neck “We have things to discuss before that.”
“What?” you voice out almost annoyed and impatient
“Safeword,” he replies bringing his eyes back, and for the first time you see his gaze scanning over your cleavage before shooting back to your face “Choose one.”
“Caramel!” you immediately reply, biting your lips as he squints his eyes on your quick response. Shit, you shut your eyes closed before quickly opening them.
“Okay,” he breaths out nodding his head as he steps closer to you “you know the game, if you wanna stop anytime, you say the word.”
“What if I can’t speak?” you muse looking at him with curious eyes
His eyes grow darker in shade, examining your face for more hint on the meaning behind your words. He exhales softly, the combined smell of his cologne and alcohol hitting your nose.
“So you already know what I’m gonna do with you?” he asks watching you closely as he dips his hands in the side pockets of his suit
“I got an idea,” you reply nonchalantly “"I’ll have what he had”, wasn’t that your request?“
You watch his face hardening at the mention of the earlier memories, the line in his jaw protrudes, indicating the pressure he’s exerting with his jaw on the bottom row of his teeth.
"two taps and I’ll know,” he says sternly as he points on the floor with his chin “down on your knees.”
The words are enough for your knees to give in. You slowly drop on your knee, maintaining eye contact with him as you do so. You reach forward for the button of his pants but he slaps it off.
“Hands off,” he shakes his head, looking down on you with unimpressed eyes “Hands behind your back.”
You gulp, lips slightly pursing into a pout before bringing your hands behind your back and clasping them together.
“Since you’re so good at giving heads, why dont you try with your mouth only?” He smirks at you “your skilled little mouth should be able to do that much.”
You blink up at him before drifting closer and tugging on his unbuttoned pants with your teeth. a sense of pride rushes through your veins as you feel his abdominal muscles clenching and unclench under your touch, he is affected by you and you barely touched him and that is enough to rush a considerable amount of arousal between your thighs.
You struggle to lower the fabric of his suit pants down, and after a few attempts whine quietly before bringing your eyes up to him.
“You seemed like you’re pretty good with your mouth when you were deep throating Jungkook,” He tilts his head to the side looking at you with haughty eyes as his fingers trace down to his pants “You need a hand?”
You nod frantically, impatient to have his clothed bulge exposed against your eyes and he senses your longing gaze on his hand.
“Why dont you beg for it?” He asks and your eyes widen, head flicking up to his face to see if he’s serious
“Kim Tae-”
“Daddy,” he bites the corner of his lips with anticipation “That’s what you’re gonna call me.”
You hesitate, eyes trembling on his stern expression, waiting any seconds for him to break out of character and tell you otherwise. But he remains unfazed as if he has planned all of this way before and is in no intention to change his mind.
“Remember Y/N, we’re playing by my rules but,” he mutters, his hand cupping your chin to bring back your head up to face him “You can say the word and we’ll stop-”
“Daddy,” you voice out, head tilted back and chin pointing at his face “Please, help me undress you,” you begin a seductive word and smile in victory as you see the guy’s eyes darken in lust
“You know how to beg,” he smirks, affectionately stroking your cheek “Such a good little whore, I guess I should give you a hand now that you asked so nicely.”
His other hand then travels down to unbutton his pants, before zipping it down and tucking the fabric lower on his thighs. You swoon over the toned thighs that come into your view, all those times you’d see him after his gym sessions with his toned thighs covered with sweats or shorts flashing through your mind.
Your eyes then freeze at the sight of his Calvin Klein brief that hugged his groin firmly, the bulge tightly pressing against the material and begging to be freed from its cage.
You lick your lips, imagining the monster you’ve seen before popping out in a few seconds, core trembling in excitement and urging you to drift closer to him.
“Mhmm,” he hums, hand tracing back from your cheek to the back of your head “Keen aren’t we baby?” he winks at your heated expression, pulling you with your head forward, “I think you can do the rest on your own babe, show me what that mouth can do.”
You keep your eyes fixed on him for a few seconds, taking up the challenge before leaning in and grazing your lips against his lower abdomen, where the hem of his brief is sitting.
You smirk hearing his groan in the background, knowing the touch of your lips on his skin is already affecting him giving you a sense of pride. You then hook your teeth on the hem of his brief and slowly yank the fabric down, against the resistance of the elastic band around his waist.
Taehyung watches you attentively, breath caging in his chest at the sight of your lips so close to his manhood as you pull his brief lower on his thighs, his eager and throbbing cock springing out against your cheek.
“Fuck,” he breathes out as he watches you finishing up your task of undressing him “When did you learn to be so good with your mouth?”
You tilt your head back, leaning in to graze your tongue on his angry red tip before muttering “I haven’t even started it, Daddy” you tease with a smirk
“You’re a fucking Cocktease,” he groans, head falling back as your lips resume their sinful action on his tip “OH FUCK!”
You smile in satisfaction at his cry of pleasure, taking half of his length in your mouth before pulling it all the way out and fondling his shaft with your tongue.
Taehyung’s expression contours in pain and frustration, wanting to slam his dick at the back of your throat any seconds but he stops his urges by firmly pulling on the strands of your hair.
“Why?” he asks, eyes glazing over you carefully “You dont think you can take it?”
“I can,” you raise an eyebrow, cupping his balls between your lips to attain a groan ripping from his throat “I’ve had big things in my mouth before”
“So you really wanna be a cocktease huh?” He squints his eyes at you remembering how you were on your knees with Jungkook’s cock in your mouth a few hours ago “You seemed in more of a rush with that bastard Jeon Jungkook,” he then smirks darkly as he mutters “Or was he too disappointing that you wanted to finish him up soon?”
Your eyes lighten with excitement at the mention of the other guys, lips still continuing to play with his balls and watch his abs clench with your action.
“Not really,” you lick your lips, eyes wandering around as you mutter “He was actually quite impressive for his own,” you gulp as you feel his hand tighten in your hair to tilt your head up but you remain unaffected as you continue “It was more of a quickie before we get to his place, that was if-” your voice trails off to look up at him “thing went as planned.”
You can see a strange tint of anger in his smirk that persistently stays on his lips, it’s quite similar to the rage he presented the other night at the club when he slammed you against that wall.
The difference is it no longer scares you or concerns you, but it only gives you a bit of excitement. The possibility that the high and mighty Kim Tae who never bats an eye on any girl would be pressed about you and another man shoots arousal right into your core.
And even if the thought of your best friend being possessive over you might have been more of a joke till a few hours ago, it was now making you all hot and bothered in all the right places.
“Now that the plans have changed,” he mutters darkly “You might as well go ahead and enjoy it, babe.”
He then grasps your head by the anchor of hair and pulls you towards his waiting cock and you compliantly part your lips, enveloping the warm muscles around his breadth.
“Fuck YES!” he groans, head falling back from the immense pleasure as you take him in, his cock twitching against your tongue as you lean closer and closer on his shaft
You whimper, the vibration making his knees weak as you realize his tip is already stimulating your gag reflex, hitting the back of your throat, but you’re only two third of your way on his cock.
His hooded eyes travel down to you, realizing you’ve stopped “You’ve had big things in your mouth but not this big,” a cocky smirk plasters on the corner of his lips again “You can’t take it all in can you?”
You cough as he snaps his hip forward, your throat closing down on his tip as tears well up in your eyes.
“You dont need to act tough babe,” he smirks watching your perseverance in taking him further down your throat “You know you’re not the first one to fail to take me-Aaahh FUCK!”
His sentence is left unfinished as you ease your throat around him and take him further in, his hand pressing against the back of your head while you push yourself against his pelvis.
Your nose digs into his lower abdominal muscles that clench and unclench under against your touch while your gag reflex continues to try and resist your attempt to keep him in.
“FUCK,” He cries, knees buckling and almost giving in as the sensation of his length completely enveloped by your mouth sends him to cloud nine “You take me so fucking well, God!” he says out of breath and you moan with him deep in your mouth, sending more pleasure shooting in his vein
“I wanna fuck your mouth so bad,” he groans bringing his pleading eyes to you “I wanna slam my cock in your throat so fucking much babe.”
You hesitate, eyes fluttering close and open, considering his proposition before hollowing your cheek and moving your tongue against his shaft to urge him.
“Fuck,” he exhales in disbelief “You want it, dont you?”
You nod, hand reaching at the back of his hips, to press him against your mouth before bobbing your head back and forth on his length.
“You’re such a cockslut,” he mutters in adoration, gripping your head to keep you still “I’m gonna fuck your mouth as you love it, babe.”
You stare at him with anticipating eyes, his firm holds on your head stopping you from bobbing your head on his cock as you planned. He then snaps his hip forward in a sudden movement and starts fucking your mouth in an erratic speed.
You remain still, the sound of his balls slapping against your chin and your gag reflex kicking in every few thrusts echoing in your ears in the background while the sight of the man groaning and moaning to the intense sensation of your mouth around him arousing you more and more.
Your hand travel down to your exposed core, finding the sensitive bundle of nerve that is throbbing to receive any stimulation possible and flick your finger on your clit.
The motion sends shivers down your spine and you moan against his cock, the vibrations attaining a painful groan from the guy who’s about to come undone in your mouth.
His eyes flick back onto you suspiciously and find your hand toying with your clit but the scene is not all too pleasant to his eyes. His eyes darken and he holds himself still in your mouth on the next thrust before harshly pulling back from you.
You stare up at him in surprise, gasping heavily for the air you were denied because of his enormous length in your throat when you meet his angry gaze on you.
“I thought I gave you an order,” he tilts his head to the side, watching your through hooded eyes “you’re not really good at obeying are you?”
Your hand cease their action on your clit and immediately retract back to their original place beside the other hand at your back but the action doesn’t go unnoticed from his attentive eyes on you.
“I-I J…Just-”
“Sssh,” he stops your attempt to justify your action as he wraps his hands around your neck, gently lacing around your throat without exerting any pressure “You disobeyed me and wanted to be a sneaky little whore huh?”
Your eyes tremble as you consider your options out of this situation, licking your lips carefully before leaning to take his cock back in your mouth but he’s quicker to realize your intentions to distract him.
“Tsh Tsh,” he scolds, fingers pressing against your windpipe and yanking you up on your feet “and you continue to be a naughty cockslut huh?”
his other hand travels down to your core, where your fingers were toying a few minutes ago. His fingertips touch the silky rope of arousal that covers your core and he groans.
“Fuck, you’re soaked,” he whispers as if he’s talking to himself, expression softening for a moment before his dominating aura takes over his expression again “Are you that thirsty for some touch babe?” he says seductively as he grips you by the neck and toys with your clit in a slow manner
“Nghh,” you whimper, moving your hip to make more contact with his touch “Yesss there!”
His eyes lighten, loving the way you move in his control so he proceeds to stretch the lips of your pussy apart and thrust one finger in to retain a cry of pleasure from your lips.
“I guess Jungkook only cared about his own pleasure and left you needy huh?”
“Tae-”
“Yes,” he nods, yanking your head closer against himself and pressing his forehead against yours “Call my name.”
“Tae, please,” you beg, every nerve fibre in your body screaming for his attention
“Please what?” he asks, eyes glazing with anticipation for the next words to fall out of your lips
“I need more,” you roll your hip shamelessly on his finger, “please Tae, please fuck me.”
He smirks, lips curving into a crooked smile as he realizes he has you wrapped around his fingers “This was never about you babe, It was about my payback for being your muse and I haven’t even cum-”
“I know,” you hiss in frustration looking up at him “You can cum then,” you urge nodding your head “fuck me and you can cum in me.”
his pupils dilate at your lewd words, expression then immediately hardening as he presses his fingers tighter around your throat “Was that your plan with Jungkook?” he raises an eyebrow, tone almost sounding like he’s hurt “Were you gonna let him fuck his cum in you like you’re begging me now?”
you look back at him with guilty eyes, gaze wavering as you flashback to the memories of you and Jungkook in the bathroom cubicle. If it wasn’t for your friend’s unannounced presence, you probably would have got in the car with Jungkook and followed him to his place.
“You naughty little girl,” he murmurs, in a mixture of rage and teasing tone as he adds another finger inside you, starting to pace the way he finger fucks you while casually having a conversation with you “You had dirty plans in your mind didn’t you?” his hand then release your neck and travels down to give you a spank on your ass “answer me, babe.”
“Yes Daddy,” you nod, looking at him with needy eyes “I’ve been a bad girl, I’m sorry.” you fake a pout, using your last weapon to melt his walls down and to your surprise, it works on him.
“you know what happens to bad girls Y/N?” he asks, eyes curving into a teasing smirk, following your little act up with his own “do you wanna have a guess?”
“I d-dont know,” you reply simply, batting your lids innocently in response
“bad girls get punished by their Daddies,” he murmurs and he digs his knuckles in your pussy, hitting your sweet spot as a sloppy moan falls from your lips “what should I do with you, babe?”
you just moan in response, the intense pleasure from the way he cuts air to your throat and the fingers pressing against your g-spot making your eyes roll to the back of your head.
“Fuck, No Tae,” you whimper as he stops his action in your pussy and takes away his fingers immediately, the cum coated fingers travelling up to his lips as he tastes your juices casually against your needy eyes “Please, Tae dont stop.”
“Answer my question first,” he slips his finger out of his lips with a pop, eyes staying stern and hollow “What should I do with a cock tease like you?”
“Punish me, Daddy,” you murmur seductively, needy eyes piercing into his orbs as you whisper “Have your way with me the way you want.”
He inhales sharply, eyes lighting with a new rush of excitement as he eyes you carefully “Are you sure Y/N?” he furrows his eyebrows attentively “Are you sure you want this?”
“I’m sure,” you nod determined before smirking against his cheek “I’ve been very bad Daddy,” you whisper to ignite the fire in him “Why dont you teach your little whore a good lesson?”
“dont worry,” You feel his cock twitching against your thighs, a growl buzzing in his chest as he wraps his arms around your waist “I’ll teach you in a way you’ll never forget babe.”
“Get on your hands and knees,” he demands, keeping his eyes fixed on you carefully
You look at him for a few moments before turning around and settling into his requested position, keeping the weight of your body on your elbows and knees.
“Ass up for me,” he orders, hands gripping your ass and guiding it up against his body “I’m gonna give you 10 spanks as your punishment babe, if you take them well you’ll be rewarded after.”
You remain silent, considering the weight of his words when his hand grazes over your ass cheeks.
“I need to know if you’re fine with this Y/N,” he murmurs carefully, tone suddenly much lower and serious before blending into his act again “Do you want Daddy to punish you?”
“Y-Yes Daddy,” your voice trembles and he gives you hum of approval
*Smack*
The first impact comes to your flesh abruptly and your body stumbles forward on the mattress while a muffled moan rips through your lips. The delicious sting spreads over your ass cheek and you can feel the arousal dripping down the side of your inner thighs from pleasure.
“Do you know why you need this punishment?”
“Yes Daddy, I was a bad girl-Aaah*
*Smack*
"Right,” he mutters in approval “Bad girls need to be punished to learn their lesson. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Daddy.”
*Smack*
“Will be acting like a thirsty whore again, babe?”
“Never Dadd-Aaah!”
*Smack*
“Good, remember the pain next time you wanna get on your knees for another man’s cock like the filthy slut baby.”
“I will Daddy,” you whisper uncertain, the slight genuinity in his voice making you question whether all this is just an act or he is saying all those things seriously
*smack*
You whine as the pain starts to spreads in your body, your core dripping from the pleasurable sensation shooting in your nerves.
You would have never expected such ruthless treatment would turn you on but somehow being the receiving end of Taehyung’s seemingly cruel punishment was turning you on far more than you could ever imagine.
“Can you take more Babe?” he murmurs, hand gently touching the red marks spread on your bottom “you don’t have to-”
“No,” you voice out, sticking your ass up towards him “I can take it, Daddy, give me more please.”
He gulps, as his nervous hand raises up to come back down on your ass but he stops midway and instead leans in to spread gentle kisses on the red flesh of your ass cheek.
“Fuck, you’re so good for me babe,” he breathes out, plastering butterfly kisses on the abused flesh “So good for your Daddy.”
You jolt in surprise, feeling the gentle touch of his lips on your ass making you whimper from the soothing sensation. His lips then trace back to your core, parting your ass cheeks, the cold air making you shiver.
He plasters some gentle kisses on your inner thigh. He observes the dripping lips of your pussy, throbbing and red, inviting him to sink his cock between them.
“You were so good for me babe,” he murmurs as his fingers spread your pussy and stretch you ready for him, “I think It's time Daddy rewards you, babe.”
“Yessss,” your voice trails off weakly as your anticipation for your high finally seems to come to an end “Please Daddy, Please.”
He positions himself against your body and lines himself over your dripping cunt. Spreading your lips with two fingers, he palms himself before sliding it over your dripping entrance teasingly.
“Nghh, Daddy please,” you beg, losing your mind as your walls clench around air “please fuck me.”
“You want Daddy’s cock in your cute little pussy?” He teases with a smirk, enjoying the way your body moves in his accord
“Yes, Daddy Ye-AAAHH” you cry as he sinks his pulsing member deep inside your walls and your body trembles as he slowly moves his way in.
“Just like that baby,” he coos watching his length disappear inside you “I knew you’d take me well.”
“Taehyung,” you call out, hand reaching back with your hand to hold his thighs desperately “Fuck …. give me- give me a second …”
He immediately ceases his movement as he realizes you’re having difficulty with his size, your walls squeezing his cock tightly testing his self-control. He leans closer, careful to not push his length any further as he comes down in level with your ear and whispers
“We can stop if its too much babe,” he murmurs the reassuring words as he tucks your hair to the side carefully as he observes your painful expression
“No,” you shake your head, the sensation of your walls slowly accommodating to him setting your pleasure off to another delicious start “Just a moment, just-” you sharply inhale as he shifts slightly away “No, Tae, Please …” you turn around facing him as your hand comes to hold his chin against your shoulder “I can take it, Please.” You beg desperately
“I don’t want to hurt you!” He murmurs, words tinted by concern
“I know,” you flash a grimacing smile to him, hoping it would convince him “You can move now.”
“Are you sure?” He murmurs, nose digging deep in your neck as he murmurs ever so gently “I can always make you cum with my fingers-”
“No,” you groan in frustration as you move your hip back to him “Fuck me, please Tae, Fuck me!” you demand helplessly
“Alright,” he grunts, voice strained as he tries his best to control his urges to fuck senselessly into you “I’m gonna move now.”
He thrusts his hip forwards slowly, each movement of his hip parting your pussy further apart as your walls slowly adjust to his ginormous girth.
“F-Faster,” you breath out, hip bucking back to his thrusts “Faster Tae.”
“As you wish babe,” he fastens his pace, hip snapping against your walls in an insane pace, hitting every sweet spot in your walls.
“Yes, Yes,” you cry as you dig your head in the mattress, the muffled word echoing in the air “Right there!”
“You like it, babe?” He asks as your pleas flutter his ego, hand reaching forward to toy with your clit “You like me pounding your tight little cunt?”
“YES,” you cry, the bundle of nerves being toyed, shooting pleasure all around your veins “Its so fucking good,”
“You wanna cum on my cock?” he asks as he leans closer and presses his lips against your ear “You wanna cream Daddy’s cock babe?”
“YES YES,” you nod frantically “Please let me cum Tae!”
“Cum on my cock,” he urges, fingers flicking your clit at the same pace as his thrust in your pussy “Cum all over and make a mess babe.”
You scream your orgasm out as the pleasure takes over you, body withering and shaking with waves of pleasure under him. Your sensitive core burns with overstimulation as he continues to fuck through your orgasm, his thrust becoming sloppy and messier by each second.
“F-Fuck, I’m gonna cum,” he warns as he presses your hip against his body “I’m gonna fill your tight cunt with my seeds.”
“YES,” you nod in approval, moving your hip to facilitate his thrust despite the burning sensitivity between your legs “Cum inside me Tae, fill my pussy please.”
He suddenly ceases his movement, drawing a whimper from your lips as he retracts his body and falls back sitting on the bed “I can’t,” he breathes out in a vulnerable tone.
You immediately turn your body around with bewildered expression covering your face “What’s wrong Tae?” You ask him in a dazed tone, not bearing with the immense craving to be filled by him
“I can’t Y/N,” he shakes his head, avoiding your eyes “I can’t do it,” he gulps nervously as he shifts away from you as if he is scared of touching your body again “I can’t continue this.”
“This was your idea,” you snap back, brushing your hair away from your face “You can’t just chicken out now. This was all about you getting your payback, for you to cum.”
“I’m s-sorry,” he hesitates as he grabs a blanket and wraps it around your body to cover your quickly, “I think I’m too drunk- No, I was too drunk when we came here-”
“Is it my body?” You ask in a quiet tone, voice weaker with embarrassment “Do I turn you off?”
His widened eyes travel to you, not believing your interpretation of his actions “What are you talking about?”
“I knew it,” you nod as you quickly cover your body with the blanket he wrapped you with “After all, you’re Kim Taehyung, you wouldn’t cum if your girl is not a Victoria’s Secret models.” you chuckle trying to mask your embarrassment
“You need to stop your bullshit,” he yells back as he raises on his knees in rage “it has nothing to do with that.”
“Then what is wrong with you?” You demand, leaning closer to him “Why do you play this game of push and pull Tae?” You ask, with furrowed eyebrows, anger taking over your words “why did you stop me from fucking Jungkook, only to bring me and make me fall on knees for you to just say you can’t cum with me here.”
“Stop fucking talk about him,” he yells back furiously as he cards his hair back from his face “I didn’t plan for things to turn this way. And I- ’m sorry if I messed up your plans with Jungkook.” he continues with venom in his words, as if he doesn’t really mean what he’s saying.
“Tae-”
You watch him with trembling gaze as he starts to build the walls between you, although the physical distance between your bodies is quite short.
“It was a mistake,” he declares looking at you sternly “I can’t just fuck you and pretend to be your best friend tomorrow,” he hesitates before looking away and forcing the words out “I’m gonna sleep in the guest room, you sleep here.”
You then watch as he gathers a few pieces of clothing before exiting the room you’re in, leaving you all alone with your thoughts there.
-
You wake up to a throbbing headache pounding on your temple, squirming on the bed sheet to sniff the familiar scent of Taehyung’s Giorgio Armani cologne you bought for his birthday.
You sigh as the memories of the night before flashes through your eyes, remembering how you fell asleep thinking of the guy abrupt leave after your scandalous time together. Somehow you wish that his warm embrace was what you woke up to instead of the scent of his cologne.
You scoot over the bed, tiptoeing your way to his drawer to grab an extra large shirt that can cover your body for now before leaving the room to find him.
You footsteps cease as you hear his deep voice reaching you from the living room, conversing with someone and from the lack of response you can tell he’s on the phone.
“Hyung, I understand,” he snaps in anger, trying to keep his voice as quiet as possible “but you need to talk to dad about this, I’m really not sure if this will work,”
You drift closer, hating yourself for eavesdropping when he speaks up again
“I know who she is,” He suddenly grunts “Jung Seri, the daughter of JH Group, I’ve seen her in last year’s-”
You’re so focused on hearing his words that you dont realize the increase in the clarity as the voice gets closer to you until you see Taehyung standing at the door, staring at you with surprised eyes.
“Hyung,” he heaves, observing you carefully “I need to go, I’ll talk to you later.”
You stay still, gulping nervously as he disconnects the call and examines the situation for a few seconds before abruptly questioning “How long have you been listening?”
“N-Not long,” you quickly shake your head defensively “I’m sorry, I was gonna say I’m here-”
“What did you hear?” He interrupts anxiously
“Jung Seri,” you pronounce the name, trying your best to hide the slight jealousy that may drip out from your tone “The daughter of JH Group,” you bat your eyelids slowly as you mutter “Is she the girl you’re marrying?”
“I guess,” He shrugs, gaze trembling away from you
“Oh,” you breath out, stomach sinking at his simple response as you lose all the words you prepared earlier “Okay.”
“My dad wants me to!” he adds as he brings his gaze to you and observes your expression carefully
“I heard about their company,” you nod, blinking rapidly to fight the tears “they’re pretty rich.”
“Y-Yeah,” he nods, shoulders slumping down upon your words “They’re an affiliate of our company.”
“Your dad must like her a lot then,” your voice sounds far more bitter than you intend and Taehyung doesn’t fail to notice it
“he doesn’t care,” he responds uninterested “He just wants me to settle down and have kids,” he hesitates before continuing, “he says he’s getting old and he wants grandchildren before he dies and since I’m not contributing to the company I should at least make babies.”
Your heart suddenly drops at the thought of Taehyung having babies, imagining mini versions of him running around the house tugging at the strings of your heart knowing another girl would be sharing that happiness with him.
You suddenly feel a rush of anger through your body, the situation seeming unfair on your end. You were fine with being his best friend, with having only a platonic relationship with him for years.
But he had to go out of his way to change the way you perceive him, tangling you in this complicated tug of war between your feelings only to be declaring another girl will have his babies.
The complicated rush of emotions all surge through you and you find yourself blurting out the words carelessly.
“Then what about me?”
“W-What?”
“Why did you do all those things with me?” You ask defeated, fist clenching by your side “Why did you have to bring me over and fuck me over your sheets?”
“B-Because … I just thought- I mean, It was about the payback …” he explains nervously
“What does that make me then?” You snap back, tears threatening to roll down your cheek “I was your best friend, but after all of this I dont even know where I stand in this relationship …” you inhale sharply as your gaze wanders on his dazed expression before asking “Or you want me to be your side chick?”
“WHAT?” He asks bewildered by your sudden accusation
“Is that what this is about?” You ask as the sudden realization hits “You want to marry her, but you kind- kinda want to have me as your side chick, like friends with benefit-Aaah”
He cuts your sentence short as he grips your arms and presses you against the wall, his eyes tingling with rage and fiery.
“That’s all you see isn’t it?” He asks through gritted teeth “You look at me, and all you ever fucking see is a boy trying to play with girls…” he sighs "a fuckboy, isn’t it?“
"Can you blame me?” You ask, your eyes glazing with fresh tears “You ignore me for days, making me worried sick about you only for me to find you cumming deep in a girl’s throat in your VIP room,”
You press your hands against his chest, trying to create some distance “Then you fuck me on your bed, bringing me onto my knees only to tell me you’re marrying another girl in the morning who you’re probably going to fuck on the same sheets.”
“What do you want me to do?” He yells back furiously “My dad wants me to get married and the only girl I ever imagined a future with is dating someone else … So I’m trying to take it like a man and move on so I at least dont lose her friendship, ” he goes silent for a second before staring directly into your eyes “Can’t you fucking see I’m trying?”
You furrow your eyebrows, still trying to make sense of his words when he shoots the next question
“Are you serious about Jungkook?” He interrupts you as he looks at you with a serious expression, “Jeon Jungkook, I’m asking do you fucking like him?”
“W-What?” you furrow your eyebrows “Why is he coming into this-”
“Answer my question, how far did you guys go?” He asks “Do you like him?”
“No,” you simply shake your head, the train of questions he’s bombarding you with not allowing anything but raw truth seeping out your words
“Did you fuck him?” He asks before quickly adding “Other than the bathroom incident, how far did you go with him?” he asks again, face frowning at the mention of the infamous incidence
“Nothing,” you quickly stop him “We- It was just that-”
“Alright,” he nods, reassured by your responses “So I can still call dibs on you.”
“Call dibs on me?” You chuckle awkwardly at his choice of words not believing him “What am I? a candy?”
“ I like you Y/N,” he shots back in rage, eyes observing your lost expression.
Your reaction is exactly as he expected, eyebrows furrowing closer before your eyes widen in shock.
“Tae … W-What-”
“Right,” he nods panting heavy in anger “I like you so fucking much I couldn’t see you sucking that bastard’s dick, So I brought you back home to suck mine,” he scoffs at the irony of his words “I was jealous like a five years old, that’s why I need to know if you regret following me here and if you’re serious about him.”
“Tae,” you call for him, thoughts rushing to your brain at an insane speed “Y-You, seriously, You …”
Your voice trails off as you try to digest the words that come one after another, your attempts fail completely as your brain shots back a big error to you. Your thoughts are blank as you try and process the guy’s devastated look along with his previous words.
“I can’t even cum without imagining your face,” he exhales bringing his eyes to you “I’m fucking the "Victoria’s secret models”,“ he quotes you with a bitter tone "But all I can ever think about is you and your God damn face.”
“How long-” you ask with a dazed tone “Since when-”
“I dont even remember when it started,” he replies, head falling low as he tries to think “I believe it started when we started going to rehab,” he mutters eyes wandering as he reminisces the memories “I used to lay in bed, sore all over from my cravings for those pills and all I could ever think of was your face.”
You look at him, listening attentively to his words as you remember the days you used to go to his rehab sessions together. Back then he decided to quit his addictions to the recreational drugs he used to take with his rich friends and you promised to help him go through the process.
You never truly realized how deep he was attached to those pills and how much you neglected him until you followed him to his therapy sessions, watching him scream and tremble from his cravings for the drugs that gave him his highs before.
Deep inside you felt guilty for being so careless about what he did or who he hung out with while you were working your ass off to get recruited in a prestigious company.
So you made sure you’d be with him every step of his heart-wrenching battle with the addiction, ensuring you don’t regret neglecting your best friend ever again.
“It’s not my fault,” he snaps defensively as he presses your body against the wall “You were always there at my weakest,” He breathes out as he watches you carefully “I just wanted to close my eyes and die and you were on my bed forcing me to eat and drink into another day.”
“I-I’m …” you start, stumbling through the words “I didn’t know!”
“Of course you didn’t,” he scoffs with a bitter smile “I worked so fucking hard to hide it, sleeping with every God damn girl in this town to hide the fact that I want to bone my best friend every time she hugs me innocently like a friend.”
You sigh imagining how hard you were making it for him all these years, without even realising you might be torturing the guy with your overly affectionate behaviour, barging into his life and his personal space almost all the time.
“I’m sorry Ta-”
“Cut it,” he hisses eyes closing close “That’s exactly why I worked so hard, I dont wanna fucking hear you pity me for my feelings,” he clenches his jaw “I shouldn’t have started this, my jealousy about you and Jungkook got the best of me and I thought with my dick for a moment, I’m sorry-”
“No,” you quickly shake your head “I dont regret a thing about last night Tae. We both made a decision and we did it knowing fully what the consequences could be.”
He goes silent for a few seconds eyes lowering as his grip on your arms loosen and he stands passively against your body.
“Are you serious about what you said?” you ask with a defeated tone, letting emotions take control of your words “about having a future with me?”
He brings his wavering eyes to you, lips parting “All I ever wanted was to be with you Y/N,” he whispers “No matter how many girls came and left my life, It was always you.”
“Then let’s make babies,“ you blurt out, the words slipping your tongue before you even chew them properly
"You- You seriously …” his eyes widen in surprise “What?”
“I wanna be with you Tae,” you drift closer to him "and if this what it takes for your Dad to accept me, I will have your babies,” you then hesitate before biting the corner of your lips shyly and adding “even if he doesn’t, I’ll probably still have your babies.”
“Y/N,” he breaths out in disbelief “You want to be with me?” He asks, eyes about to pop out of socket from your sudden suggestion “Me?”
“Yes,” you nod determined “I dont think I have the confidence to let you go Tae,” you admit, heart trembling at the thought “I dont think I can trust any other woman to take care of you either. That day when your brother said you’ll be getting married, I felt like a piece of my heart was ripped right out of my chest. The only reason I said those horrible things was because I was lost and confused and didn't know how to deal with my feelings.”
His expression softens to a sweet smile, eyes glittering with joy for a few seconds before his mischievous aura takes over his features again. He leans closer to your ear with a smirk as he whispers
“You want to have babies huh?” he murmurs making your cheeks heat up from the suggestive words “and I thought your daddy kink was a surprise, Who would have known my baby has an impregnation kink?”
He then grabs your thighs firmly, picking you off the floor, legs automatically wrapping around his waist as he settles you on the wall “Since you asked so nicely,” he smirks as he hoists his hands around your torso “Daddy will give you babies.” He whispers before crashing his lips on yours.
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on Im sitting here bored and waiting for time to pass.  I cant go to bed until like midnight because I forgot to take my morning pills and didnt take them until noon.  I have to take them 12 hours apart so it looks like a late night for me, at least I can sleep in tomorrow.  Because of my previous manic episode November/December they added Zyprexa.  I started seeing things...crumbs growing legs and walking across my table or moles on my body turning to bugs and burrowing into my skin.  Yikes that is fucking hard.  My doctor wants me to keep taking it, shes saying the reason I am seeing things is because I am extremely triggered from Delilahs death.  I mean shes not wrong.  Delilah my two month old niece died a month ago tomorrow. I miss her.  I miss my brother.  He is so broken.  I never got to hold Delilah I never got to meet her because of the pandemic.  Her death came 2 weeks after the death of my moms husband.  (Not my abuser).  My therapist thinks its normal that I am having such an intense reaction to all this.  I dont know yall, this sucks though. My legs are on fire.  I decided this year to use lent as my own little time to challenge the fuck outta myself.  So I am following the low carb/high fat plan on itrackbites and I am walking 5 miles every day during lent.  I am also completely off facebook for the next 40 days.  Theres other things like an unpacking challenge and declutter challenge.  I am on day 3 of 5 miles per day and my legs hurt so bad.  I know I should take a rest day but I told myself I would do it every day so I dont really wanna break it.  If my legs hurt too much tomorrow I will decide then.  Until that decision is made I am popping pain relievers (advil) and telling myself ‘no pain no gain’ or whatever that saying is.
Jeff and I started a new little date night thing.  Its more of a family night thing but its mostly just for him and I. We started the Marvel franchise in timeline order.  We have watched Captain America, Captain Marvel and today we watched Ironman.  Jeff has seen all of them, I havent.  Captain America and Captain Marvel were new.  I loved Captain Marvel.  I still think Captain America is overrated lol.  Idk why.
I downloaded the Peanut app and have met two friends!  One is an hour away and doesnt drive or anything so I am not really sure how much we will hang out.  The other one lives behinds the boys’ elementary school.  I am really excited to actually hang out and see if we click as well in real life as do in text.  She seems awesome.  I feel like once Covid is over we will know a couple people.  We will see. My sister and I made plans for our families to spend Easter together.  My niece (the one who was paralyzed in the accident) is at an incredibly high rate for death due to Covid due to her injuries.  Finn is high risk/immunocompromised.  We both spend all our time in social isolation (no one in or out, grocery deliveries)  We get together a couple times a year after we take covid tests.  We havent seen her since mid-january and I miss her and my nieces and nephews (and her husband) terribly.  So they are gonna come spend Easter weekend here and its Santanna’s birthday on Easter.  I am excited.  She has 5 living children and my 6, it turns out to be a fun time.  I will have a huge Easter Egg hunt and goodies bags for the kids to be given to them on Friday night.  So, I have that to look forward to.
My brother started dialysis last week.  My heart breaks for him.  He is in high spirits and my mom says hes really making progress as far as learning the machines.  I am so, so proud of her and the work she is doing for him.  She buried her husband and her granddaughter and was told her sons kidneys were in total failure and he needed dialysis in a fucking month dude.  She stands facing the storm unwavering.  My mom and I have our issues but I cannot help but look at her and think maybe, maybe I got my strength for her and the long line of Elliot women who came before her.
Not really sure what else to put here y’all.  I really would like to get back to using tumblr as a place to brain dump but its probably still really fucking toxic so.
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loriinae · 6 years
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recent mental health happenings
don/t re/blog this pls thx
me, for 1.5 months @ the psychiatrists office for a checkup: im doing great! i cant think of anything troubling me
psychiatrist: wow! you dont sound depressed at all, sounds like the meds r doing good for you. ill keep you on the same stuff and ill see u again in 3 mo
immediately after, someone points out ive been a bit distant, and ive realized other ppl have been making comments here and there abt it ... its fine its ok ive been good even if ive been a little detached its just cus im busy (work/school/recent health troubles meaning frequent dr/pharmacy trips)
me, a week later: crying almost daily and feeling on edge abt everything
me, now, after eating/practicing driving/buying smth online: i feel alright! i can do this! i just have to get thru this. it wont be bad forever
and yet.... in the back of my mind... i kno if i think too hard abt any one subject ill start crying. maybe i should just keep myself busy? but that makes my stress build up and i have a crash.. existing peacefully is hard ):
less vague, medical stuff, ive been feeling self conscious abt myself bc im taking 7 pills a day (4 of which are the same med, so 4 dif prescribed pills) and i have to do a daily morning/night nasal routine and i havr to do this for a month (normally its just 6 pills) and i kno i shouldnt feel BAD abt being on lots of meds and that its not a bad thing. and yet ... bad feelings happen. i think it might be partially from my mom telling me every other day that i should wean off my pills someday and that i shouldnt rely on them longterm
im on extra stuff bc of a ears/nose/throat specialist whos trying to help me with my weird scent problem. idk if ive mentioned here before, but ive had inconsistent occurrences of some strange smell since december... im bad at describing smells, but it gets worse if i forget to brush my teeth, eat/smell greasy/sugary foods, use makeup sprays or visit makeup stores, drink alcohol... ive asked ppl around me if they smell anything, and ask them to smell my breath, but its just me... blowing my nose makes it worse? and it usually goes away after a night of sleep but sometimes it doesnt. it shouldnt be a big deal but sometimes it gets so unpleasant its distracting, or so foul i cant eat. anyways idk what the hells going on and so far the specialist doesnt either. so ive spent $160 on 2 specialist visits, an antibiotic prescription for sinusitis (which i dont have), and a CT scan to check my sinuses (which are perfectly fine). i have another $10 prescription, and an allergy test scheduled (prob another $50) and another specialist appt (def another $50) but i feel like im throwing my money down the drain while the problem persists /:
on top of that, im trying to work on car stuff, since im 20 and dont have my license and im relying on other ppl for rides even tho i got a car... but my car was cheap on cargurus and we've sunk a lot of money fixing stuff (also fixing things i caused... ie accident repair and battery repair - the battery died bc i hadnt been driving it) and we're spending more... also i dont think ill get over my car anxiety for a while
SO work/school/normal health stuff + extra health stuff/car stuff im....... very very stressed. on top of that im having some social stuff going on. and idk if the problems are real problems, or my stress makes me think its problems... either way it also adds to my stress. also makes me feel like i cant talk to anyone abt my stress so im posting this instead!!
anyways. i should be working on hw i have a rough draft due tues, a test on wed, as well as a big paper (10% of my class grade) due on wed. and i havent started work on any of it 🙃
i would greatly appreciate kind words from friends , or strangers ... ough
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overbakedone · 6 years
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1
this is the first time i've ever started writing my thoughts and feelings anywhere before. this is not easy.
instead of writing things and then deleting it all because its not good enough or it sounds stupid i'm just going to write it now and stop backspacing. i guess i should start with where i am in life right now so there is some perspective.
im 25, im a bakers apprentice, i live with my parents, i have a girlfriend, lets call her ‘C’ who for the first time feels right to me despite everything, i barely have any friends, they don't ever want to see me, i don't have much time in my life right now, i work all night and struggle to fit sleep into my schedule. but things are really the best they have ever been for me. i just started an AFL 9′s competition, weird i usually have no confidence going into these things and will either quit after the first practice or not even show up, i really kinda enjoyed it and am excited for next week.
i've wanted to start writing anything for a few months now, i guess now i have some time. time is so fucked up, i wish there was more of it, i wish i could sleep without wasting my day, i wish i didn't have to compromise sleep for everything but i do, i guess its part of being a baker, its a job i am loving and i think i've found my life passion but it has its ups and downs. my partner C expects a lot of my time i guess, she can be very needy at times, demanding almost, sometimes i feel pressured by her to sacrifice my sleep, personal plans and hobbies and interests for her, but i know what she feels, she wants the same thing i do. she has problems making friends, or keeping friends, she feels isolated and alone, and she wants my companionship, and i want that too and despite anything i feel in the moment i always feel happy about her at the end of the day.
i should be grateful for the relationship i am in right now, i really should be grateful for a lot of stuff, my parents for allowing me to stay here still, being so supportive and also allowing and accepting of me and really tolerant of the shit i do. ok so i do smoke week every day right so that's already something to do at home that's difficult, i'm pretty sure they know and don't care or even agree that my life has been better since i started smoking, fuck i used to be on antidepressants, i took one every day at a certain time, it made me feel a bit better, ok sounds just like smoking right, expect when i didn't take this pill i got nausea, headaches, severe episodes of depression, i couldn't eat my appetite was so fucked up i was eating one meal a day and it was like a piece of bread or takeaway food. since the smoking started i've found some actual passion in life, i don't feel like a useless number anymore i guess.
one of the things on my mind always is my friends, since i was in highschool i havent really had a group of friends, i feel like i am a social person but then when it comes to it i feel like i just get burned. a lot of my old friends turned out to be secretly hating me and not wanting me around, some sort of pity friendship, i was an asshole in my time and honestly was not a good friend myself, do you pay for the dumb shit you do as a teenager, the people you fuck over go from your life completely yet new people you meet do the same things to you like they know. i had/have a long term best friend, J, we had been mates for years, we worked at my old job dominoes together for a bit, and kinda hung out a few times, but not until we got into PC gaming together did we form a bond. after that we would chat every day, play games together, watch the footy together, go places even though he lived across the city from me. one thing that changed massively in my life was i quit drinking alcohol, and then i felt like all my friends both disagree with my choice and resent me for it, like for some reason i have to take the same drugs they are taking at that time to be their friends. so J has just grown more and more distant, i get that we are older now, we both have partners, jobs that take a lot of our time, but then when we hang out or talk he seems disinterested, more interested with his friends that i introduced him to (from our discord server) and has seemingly replaced me, none of these guys i really like at all, in fact the only one of the new group i like is the one girl in it because she actually has interesting things to say.
fuck that was a paragraph, i guess i should talk about alcohol.
alcohol has fucked up my life, i cant repair the mistakes and stupid things i did while drinking alcohol, so they are there, i guess its just talking about it left. to start off, when i drink alcohol i have a hard time finding my limit, i feel like i swing from nothing to completely blacked out, puking, sobbing and basically hating myself very quick, i feel sick for days after drinking, barely able to eat, leave bed, move, i feel so nauseous and tired, its so fucked up what it does to your body, but oh your mind is even worse. i've broken off relationships, cheated, threatened people, gotten into fights, brawls, got my arm broken, hurt myself repeatedly, gotten arrested and a criminal record that may prevent me from going to canada next year, and is currently delaying booking flights, ive missed work, shown up drunk same clothes no shower to work, but the main thing that alcohol does to me is makes me sad. alcohol makes me so fucking sad, it makes me reach into the deepest pits i can think of and brings out all the emotions that are in there, my ex being the main one. every time i used to drink id think of her, call her, text her, go on her facebook, look up her instagram her twitter, fuck it drive my car to her house to see if her cars there like that does anything or means anything just fucking alcohol is so stupid. i never want to feel like that again, i never want to sabotage my life, sabotage and self destruct my relationships, but i guess losing my friends is the thing i have to take in consideration. australia is a fucked up place, where drinking heavily is the social norm and if you don't get fucked up or even have a beer with mates you're a loser.
i just want a deep connection with my friends. when i was in newcastle with my partner, i  met her friends there that she had been living with, despite the fucked up things that happened to her there, she lost a lot of friends herself and a long time friend, had trouble finding new ones, trouble fitting in, the friends she had there were the most honest and truly welcoming, connecting people ive met, and i miss that. i miss having a friend you can just, go over to their place, sit around for 3-4 hours talking shit, laughing, listening to music, relaxing and sharing stories and shit. weird that people can have such an effect on you in a short time. the life i live here is full of making plans, only for them to be cancelled, inviting friends over, for nobody to show up, cancelled plans all the fucking time, i've never been asked to just come over and chill, never its always some group thing that i'm invited to as well. i even try talking to them about this, i told a group of girl friends i have, i miss you all and haven't seen you in so long, we need to have a casual hangout, and the message was almost completely ignored, i asked them all to come to mind to watch the grand final, the house was free, i got a big projector screen, big comfy couch, live central right in the middle of everyone, nobody even replied or brought it up again, yet the second someone else that lives in the far corners of perth brought it up everyone started chatting about their plan to go. so if that's not my friends making it obvious they don't want to see me, they only include me then thats fucked up. i don't know what to say, this happens all the time, my 21st birthday i invited 65 people, and less than 15 people showed up. its hard to keep trying, always trying, i always try to make social events, i always ask friends what they are doing, when they can see me, make plans, they get cancelled, they are busy, they say they're coming then don't show up, most of the time i never hear a word too, they just dont show and don't even apologize, is that a fair thing to do, yeah sometimes i dont go to my friends events, i'm too fucking tired or just don't feel like going, somethings come up, i tell them straight away i cant make it i'm sorry this has come up, yet i don't get the same courtesy.
am i an unlikable person
the guys at work seem to like me, so i started a baking apprenticeship, basically i started watching great british bake off and picked it up as a hobby, making cakes and stuff, actually i should go back. so i used to work in some shitty small software company in the city, 9-5, peak hour traffic, office drama, workplace bullies, understaffed, overworked, red tape and bullshit everywhere, i quit after 2.5 years for mental health reasons, i made a lot of money but had to move on, so i spent a year off , it was only supposed to be a few months, go on a holiday road trip with my then partner, S, she broke up with me via a text message right after eagles lost to melbourne at home, basically the footy game was more disappointing, we had a shit relationship, i think i resented her, i cheated on her, yeah i'm an awful person and deserve everything, she was an emotionally manipulative person, terrified of her own body and sex, tried to dominate my life and change me, im glad we broke up. so i stayed unemployed for a long time, over a year, barely looking, until i found this baking apprenticeship, not only did i apply for the job and write a completely custom cover letter (im so fucking lazy i usually close a job application the second it requires anything more than an apply button) AND i called back a few weeks later when i heard nothing, well turns out that call landed me the job, the apprentice they hired instead of me was useless, had no passion and was a slow worker. so i got the job, and basically have been killing it ever since, i get a lot of praise at work (lots of criticism too) baking is one of those things that takes time, its all about time, so i got a lot to learn but i am actually confident once in my life, holy shit i have a job i like and am good at. is this the dream?> lol 
so today i started writing my feelings down, and its kinda felt good, but i'm exhausted now, and my fingers hurt, so this is the end of my first post, i hope nobody reads it, its really just for me but i don't know. 
thanks for listening   i guess 
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deeeelightfuldee · 3 years
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surveys 062.
What battery percentage is your phone on right now? It’s at 55%
Do any medical afflictions run in your family? Yeppppppppppp
Who did you last talk to and what did you say? i sent a comma to kile. I can’t communicate to him anymore but it’s kind of my way of saying I’m here presently and available to read your messages. it probably annoys him and I should stop. 
What's your favourite Mexican dish? pork tacos from mama marias
Have you ever been to a professional sports game? Yes. many times.
How far do you live from New York City? uhhhhh google says 12.5 hours. not too bad.
How often do you talk to your parents? mom usually every day. dad maybe 2x a year
What was the weather like in your town today? lets google. it was 92 today
Are there any phrases or words that you say a lot? talk to me goose, comin’ in hot, that’s ridiculous, sup homie
How many boyfriends or girlfriends have you ever had? ehgghghg
Have you ever ordered a specially made cake from a cake shop? Yeah, many times.
What was the last movie you saw and who did you watch it with? serendipity 
What's the name of your first real boyfriend or girlfriend? I would say John
Do you clean your ears daily? Not daily, but every couple days.
What accent do you have? midwestern.
What scent of air freshener do you keep in your bathroom? It varies. usually a tree scent of some sort
Have you ever dated a model? No.
What's the best job you've ever had? hmm. babysitting an infant for like 2 hours 3x a week and making like 260 bucks a week.
How about the worst? nannying for a family where the dad was constantly trying to hit on me.
Do you have naturally straight hair? No, pretty curly.
What is your ultimate goal in life? To continuously find beauty in every day 
Have you ever visited someone in prison? nope
What months were you and your siblings born in? july, august, august, january
Do you write down your passwords in a physical place to prevent losing them? ahahhahahaha ummm a few of them. i am often in a “forgot your password?” situation
What are your three favourite vegetables? broccoli, cauliflower, potatoes
How many times a day do you check Facebook or any other social network? its SEVERELY decreased since not being on my phone with kile. looking at my phone usually brings me sadness, because i seldom have any word from him. so I just leave it alone.
When was the last time you had a blocked nose? idk.. 5-6 months ago
Who is your favourite comedian? I am not really sure, I dont follow many comedians
What colour are the socks you're wearing today? havent worn any yet
What did you have for dinner last night? steak
What was the last concert you went to? I want to say relient k
Are you an ugly crier? not really no
What scent is the soap or body wash you use in the shower? I’m on vacation so the scent is like a lavendarish scent which is not my style at all.
Have you ever had sex in/on a vehicle? kind of. -.- not by choice.
Who do you live with? mom & gram
What letter does your street name begin with? numbers
Do you do anything to groom your eyebrows? absolutely I do.
When was the last time you ate at McDonald's? A few weeks ago.
What's your favourite Popsicle flavour? blue
Who was the last person you sent a Facebook message to and what did you say? i havent got a clue. I never go on FB
Do you have any injuries at the moment? yes. one of which is my shoulder and its reallyyyyyyy bugging me
Have you ever been to an ophthalmologist? the eye dr i used to go to was both opthamologist and optometrist so yes
Do you own any animal print clothes? oh probably.
Are you tall, short or average? Would you change this? im tall. I would, maybe it’d be less off-putting to others
When was the last time you went to a drug store/pharmacy? gosh, like a week ago.
Do you ever binge-watch TV shows? just the same ones ive watched for years
Have you ever mustered up the courage to tell someone how you feel only to be rejected? uhhh, no I can’t say I have. 
Do you keep your files and documents organised in one place? somewhat.
What's your favourite sweet treat to bake? my infamous cookies
Are you good at flirting and letting people know you're interested? ill be real honest, I am so slow to fall for someone that it takes some time for me.
What did you have for breakfast today? toast (gf) and eggs
Do you prefer sweet or savoury breakfasts? Sweet
Do you like chick-flicks? heck’n yea
Have you ever taken an acting class? no. not interested
When was the last time you watched one of your favourite movies? yesterday
How often do you use Youtube? seldom. 
What's the coolest thing you've ever dressed up as for Halloween? i dont really do that.
Are you ignoring anyone right now? yeah :( </3
How do you usually style your hair? It’s always up in a messy bun. especially with the heat. but I might chop it off this fall idk.
Do you have any tattoos? Tell me about them. Nope. i wonder if kile will ever get his
Have you ever worked in a store while someone shoplifted there? more times than I could count.
When was the last time you used a stove? tonight with a GF zucchini pizza
Is there anything you absolutely refuse to eat? mushrooms
Are you sitting, standing or laying (or something else) right now? I’m laying on my bed.
How many hours per week do you typically work? --
What was the last pill or tablet you took? probably headache meds or tummy meds on the day of my flight
How far away from your house is the closest grocery store? like 1.4 miles
Have you ever lived in university/college campus housing? Nope.
Who was the last person you complimented? uhhh maybe a sibling
Are you the type of person to take naps, even if you've slept plenty? I WISH
Do you have a crush on anyone at the moment? im trying not to, but im not successful yet
The age old question: dogs or cats? STOP ASKING ME TO MAKE A DECISION ON THIS
When was the last time you saw your best friend? ugh. i don’t think ill ever see him. He sent me a picture today, it was really nice to see his face.
Have you ever been fired from a job? Why? nope.
Are you tired right now? eh, not terribly.
Do you like spring rolls? I do.
What do you live on in terms of a street, road, crescent, place, court etc? street
How many purses or handbags do you own? like 5
Do you get along with all your aunts and uncles? no. some of them I never ever developed relationships with because their parents hated my dad.
Have you ever eavesdropped and heard something you didn't want to hear? Yeah gahhhh i hate that
When was the last time you used a pen, pencil or marker? uhhh yesterday I think
What's your favourite type of curry? None.
Do you often go to do or say something and then just forget? not often
Have you ever had casual sex? Noooooooo. not my thing
What was the last thing you paid for with cash? clothes
What's the last letter of your middle name? h
If your phone rang right now from a number you don't know, would you answer? Nope. I hardly answer for numbers I know
How long is your hair? middle of my back
What was your first pet's name and how did you pick that? Millie. I didn’t have anything to do with that, I was a baby.
Do you drink diet or regular soda? diet. I don’t like the taste of regular.
Have you ever been to Europe? No, but I’d love to go.
Do you worry about your own health? I try not to.
Who did you last make plans with, and what plans did you make? family. 
Can you smell anything right now? Not at the moment, no
How old were you when you got your first cell phone? I was 18 or 19
When was the last time you bought a pair of shoes? ooo boy, its been a minute. I need new shoes, and I also need to get rid of old shoes.
Do you like fruit and vegetable combo juices? not at all. maybe I need to revisit them.
Have you ever been on a spring break trip? Yep yep
Would you rather be warmer or colder right now? colder always.
How tall are your highest heels? I have like 4″ heels but I shouldn’t be wearing them anymore
What's your favourite flavour of frosting? omfg i want frosting so bad. any flavor
When did you wake up today? I fell asleep around 430am and then woke up around 545 my time. 
Do you change your appearance often? I mean, hair color yeah.
What colour are the street signs in your town/suburb? Green
How many people do you work with? --
What was the last thing you ate? piece of chocolate.
Do you have any plans for three hours in the future? either this or sleeping
Has anyone ever made a comment about your weight that offended or upset you? people have definitely made comments about my weight before. just leave me aloneeeeeeeeee.
---- i wish i really was the most important thing on the planet to you. :( maybe then you’d have picked me? </3
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survivorsupport · 7 years
Text
Submission from Anonymous
If this becomes long, sorry!
So April/May 2016, thanks to a newspaper article I get back in touch with an old friend. He asks me if I’m happy in the relationship I am currently in with my partner, I admit to him I’m not and I want out. Two months after this my partner goes on holiday to Florida with some friends, when he’s there he sleeps with other women and continues things once he’s back from his holiday. I find out, break up with him and move out. We had a dog and a cat together so we agree to take it in turns looking after them and have a plan in place as to who looks after them when. Things remain amicable but at the same time he starts bombarding me with a good few messages a day, then messages become phone calls, phone calls become visits to my new house. I tell him to stop and he does, for a short while. During our relationship, it was normal for him to lash out and lose his temper and project that anger to me, he also got jealous of me even having male friends.
With all this going on I go out with friends one night and attempt to flirt with this guy on twitter I talk to every now and again, who quite frankly I find cute as anything. We actually swap numbers and talk pretty much every day. We started out flirty then we both cooled as upon reflection neither of us are ready for anything, we actually built up quite a good friendship (I think anyway) quite quickly. Then because life got in the way we stopped talking and that was that. I did get a little down about it and my ex-partner picked up on it, and tried to find out information about who this guy was etc, at first it came over as concern as I was a little hurt by it all, then after a while I asked him to stop as it wasn’t fair on my friend.
A month or so later I am at his on pet swap day he has a housing problem (he still lives in the flat we shared) and is blaming me queue argument, I get a work phone call (I have two phones) so leave the room to take the call. When I return I see my ex-partner reading my messages on my phone, I can see that they’re the messages to the new friend. I say nothing as tensions are already high but take my phone and leave quickly.
Half an hour later I get a message from my friend saying that my ex-partner has messaged him with a message of ‘thanks for fucking everything up’, I obviously panic as I have no idea what’s going on, but I assure my friend it’s nothing for him to worry about, normal behaviour from him when it comes to anger etc. My friend assures me that he’s not going to do anything as he doesn’t want to cause problems for me and he worries as to what my ex-partner will do to me. I tell him I’m fine (thinking I am) and that it’s nothing to worry about. I think nothing more of it just thinking its my ex-partner losing his temper like he used to with me. It’s clear he read the messages between my friend and myself and is now trying to be an alpha male type figure towards my friend. I am however touched and humbled by the way it was handled by my friend and simply amazed by even though his privacy was invaded that all he cared about at that time was me.
Later that night my ex-partner visits my house as I left something of the dogs with me and he needed it. I’ve only just got in from a work meeting so still dressed in my usual office uniform of dress and tights. I go to my bedroom to get it and my partner follows me into the room. As I reach over the bed he goes in for a kiss, I tell him no, and he refuses to stop. His hand goes up my dress and he gropes me pushing my knickers aside. His fingers enter me. I tell him to stop and try to push his hand away. The next thing I remember is me being on my bed with him on top of me. I shout at him to stop but he doesn’t. I do the only thing I can do, and just try to use my body to get him to stop. He doesn’t. Once he’s done he gets up, says no one will ever treat you like I do, not even 'x’ (the new friend) and leaves like nothing’s ever happened.
I am in a daze, and in my head, all I can think about is my friend saying he’s worried as to what my ex-partner is going to do to me. I feel guilty and dirty, I’m also so ashamed and guilty for lying to my friend (well it feels like I lied to him) when I told him I was safe. I start to cry and all I want to do is to have a shower, I bin my dress and get into the shower. No amount of scrubbing will get me clean and I scrub till my skin is red raw. I look in the mirror and want to smash it as I see a failure looking back at me.
I turn to the old friend and tell him what’s happened a few days later. I ask for his opinion on if I should tell my new friend, he thinks if I see any form of future with him then I should but I need to pick my time. Even though my friend and I haven’t been talking I know I should tell him, but know its too late to tell him straight away as the worst is done.
I talk to my ex-partner a week or so later about if he did go through my phone and read my messages and in turn message my friends on social media. He denies it, but then asks if i have heard from x recently. Instantly the shame anfd guilt feeling comes back, I vomit. He knows I know but won’t admit it.
The phone calls, and messages continue and get more graphic in their nature. About three weeks after the attack I contemplate suicide. I get as far as writing the note, I write one to x telling him the full story. I feel I owe him that. Somehow I don’t follow through with the plan, I feel as though I need to get my control back.
I call the police and report the matter, they ask me as to the lead up to the rape (this is why I talk about my friend as the police say its a big factor), and who was messaged and why. I have to name my frend.
Even though we havent spoken in a longish while I tell him at first that hes been named in a report for harrassment. He’s not pleased but he’s happy to help me, I was so scared to tell him as I was expecting him to tell me to say not his problem to be dragged into. But thankfully he didn’t/
Then comes the day I have to give my statement to the police, it’s there they tell me it would be charged as rape, and my friend would have to be a witness to help describe my ex-partners behaviour and timeline of that day. I again have to warn my friend that the police will be needing him, and I need his help, I feel the shame and guilt rising again, but my friend has this ability to calm me down and it works this time too. He reminds me its not my fault, and my ex was the one who created the situation.
Days later, a phone call from the police, they’re dropping the case as the court would rip me and my story to pieces to make out it was consensual sex as he was an ex-partner and that we lived together for many years with no issues, also my friend could be brought into the argument as a rival to my ex-partner and it was simply jealousy. I let my friend know straight away so he doesn’t have the stress over his head. I feel so guilty and ashamed, and so angry, his reply was cold, I instantly felt like I should never have told him a thing and like I let him down. I contemplated suicide again, I felt so alone, and I feel as though no one believed me or my story. The next day I calculate how many pills I would need to end it all. That day was only yesterday. I haven’t slept since it happened, every time i lay on my bed I can feel his weight ontop of me and the panic kicks in again.
I feel as though I am to blame, I feel as though if I never got drunk and messaged my friend in an attempt to flirt with him this would have never happened. I feel like my body is simply a commodity. I feel like my word is a lie. I am questioning what happened in my own mind, and I can’t decide if its real or not. I feel like I am simply a body to be used for a mans pleasure. As though I can not make friends with men for fear of what it may mean. I know its rape, thankfully. But It’s not been seen as rape by those who help I need it from the most. I feel ashamed he’s allowed to get away with it scott free.
Sorry this is so long but I need to clear my head. I honestly want the pain and confusion and the hurt to stop
.................
It’s okay to send a rant, no need to apologize. Sometimes when you rant it’s good to use a hotline, but I can see that with a hotline it would be hard to get into these complicated details. I find it interesting that you and your ex “coparent” your pets. Not many people wind up doing that. It’s good that you know that what happened was rape. But you need to know that it was not your fault. It doesn’t matter if you told your friend that you were going to be fine. You cannot see the future, you did not know how your ex would actually end up being. You had no way to know that he would rape you. You fought him. You really tried to make him stop. You knew he knew that he was forcing you. There was no miscommunication. Rape cases often don’t go beyond police officers and cases are dropped quickly. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s the culture we live in. You’re going to have to think about how you are going to deal with your ex now that this happened. Think about the pets, think about your safety. If you want male friends in the future, to date in the future, you’re going to have to keep that information from your ex. You shouldn’t kill yourself. There is life to still be lived. It could still improve. 
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