#so i don’t rly have anything NEW to be upset about

[gaybananabread]

AHHH, ok ok. This is my first time like ordering anything so I’m nervous asf. But I’d like oranges, grapes and cherries with Ler!Jax and Lee!Pomni. Obv everything platonic, and like, go nuts with the plot. (Idk if this is worth mentioning pero I have this silly little headcannon that Pomni squeaks like a squeaky toy when squeezed so like, IF YOU WANT, you can add that.)

IF YOU DONT DO THIS ONE ITS OKK, I rly enjoy your writing and hope you have a great day/ night, tyy <33

Fruit(s): Oranges, Grapes, Cherries

Aww thank you Anon! You’re all good, and love that Pomni would absolutely become a dog toy (¬‿¬). Jax is definitely interesting to write for, and I like playing around with his asshole-ness. Thank you for requesting, and I hope you Enjoy!

Lee: Pomni

Ler: Jax

Summary: Pomni is still getting used to the circus, anxious and uneasy in the new environment. Jax tries to help out, though he does it in his own annoying way.

Warnings: none! This is a tickle fic, so if you don’t like that, scroll away!!

In the circus tent, small NPCs ran wild, knocking things over and babbling nonsense. They were like the Gloinks, but so much worse. Caine had dipped on them once again, leaving the characters to fend for themselves. Zooble peaced out, but the others were stuck with them.

It took nearly the whole day, but they had managed to contain the little monsters until Caine came back to woosh them away. For most of the characters, it was weirdly routine. For the newest arrival, however, it was more than off-putting. Pomni just felt…out of place in the digital world. She wandered around the tent, trying to calm herself down.

-

Jax was walking around, trying to find something to do. He would have messed with Ragatha, but her and Gangle were having some kind of “girl’s day.” Ugh…he wanted no part of it. 

Just as he was considering going to explore the forbidden rooms, he heard the faint jingling of bells. Pomni must’ve been “exploring” the grounds again. While she wasn’t his usual target, the jester would probably keep him entertained until something else happened.

The smug and confident smirk he always wore shrank as he approached her. Pomni looked so…so tired. Tired and way too wound up. Still, he sauntered over, trying to gauge just how upset she was. “Hey, newbie. You sane after that horror show?”

Pomni flinched at his voice, taking a second to register what he said; she’d been spacing out for most of the day. “U-uhm…yes? Why?”

He rolled his eyes, trying to act as aloof as possible. “Really? ‘S just that ya look like you’re about to fall apart. Hey, you think that’s possible here?” Jax cared about how she was doing, but he had an image and a rep in the circus. No way he was jeopardizing that.

“Shut up, Jax…” She turned away from him, rubbing her arm and looking down. The girl felt crummy enough; she didn’t have the energy to deal with his junk. 

He chuckled, leaning down and getting eye-level with her. Jax was bored, yes, but he didn’t want to see Pomni so down. Might as well try and cheer her up. “Aww, c’mon Pom-Pom! Try a smile; it won’t kill ya!” He reached out, trying to poke her side in an attempt to get her to smile. Before he could even get close to her blue side, she gasped softly and jerked away from his hand. Oh…that’ll work.

The look on his face was a dead giveaway to his plan. “Jax, no! I swear, don’t you even think abo-KYAH!” Pomni was cut off by a sharp poke to her stomach, whatever she was trying to say lost in a squeal.

“Oh, I’m doin’ more than think about it~” Jax’s voice was smug as ever, his gloved hands wrapping around her middle and wiggling them into her sides. The bunny crouched down, just so he could whisper in her ear. “Tickle tickle, Pomni~”

Squeaky and bright giggles bubbled out of her, only making Jax’s smirk grow. Pomni was much less amused, kicking and wriggling around in his grip. “Y-youhuhu prihick! Gehet ohoff mehehe!”

“Nah, don’t think I will.” One fun thing the purple rabbit noticed; Pomni was blushing. Really blushing, so brightly that it put the circles already on her cheeks to shame. So, of course, he called her out on it.

“Wow, I didn’t know you could blush like that, newbie!” He cooed, making sure to poke up and down her ribs as he spoke. “Thought bright red was crybaby’s thing, but you go girl~” 

“Sh-shuhut uhuhuhup!” The bells on Pomni’s hat jingled with every sharp jolt and tug, only making the scene funnier. Jax was thoroughly enjoying himself; he had maintained his vibe while also making Pomni smile. True, he was being a bitch about it, but it was working.

Wanting to try something else, Jax clamped both hands firmly on her sides, giving them a nice squeeze. Nothing could’ve readied him for what happened next. “Jahahax! Wouhuld you- *squeak*” 

Suddenly, his hands stopped moving, giving her a quick breather as the shock and amusement set in. After a few seconds, a loud bark of laughter escaped him, his voice more playful than it had been the whole time. “No *sproing*-ing way… You squeak?!” 

Without any further warning, he dug into her sides, rapidly squeezing them in the hopes of more squeaks. “J- *squeak* COHOHohome ohon! Quihihit- *squeak* JAHAX!” The sound was almost like a dog toy’s squeaker; it endlessly amused Jax, leaving the rabbit wanting more and more of the adorable sound.

“This has gotta be my favorite quirk of yours, squeaky-toy!” He squeezed and poked along her sides, sneaking a quick rib scribble in every few seconds. Best day ever…

“P-PLEHEHE- *squeak* NOHO! JAHAX!” While he was more than enjoying the squeaks and laughter, he could tell Pomni was wearing out. Not wanting to potentially get on Ragatha’s very-bad side, he stopped squeezing the jester. “Alright, alright, no more squeezes. That was fun, though~”

Pomni went almost limp in his arms, trying to catch her breath. She looked up at him expectantly, expecting to be released. Jax only laughed at her expression. “Oh, newbie, no. I never said I was done~” The ever-growing blush on her cheeks made him smile wider, his almost haughty confidence growing.

He tested out her neck, smirking at the surprised giggles he received. “You’re just a walking tickle-spot, aren’t ya? There anywhere you ain’t ticklish?” Deciding to be a bit merciful, he kept the tickling to light scratches, exploring the area. 

Much to his surprise, Pomni’s giggles softened, her body going almost slack against his. Jax wondered if he’d managed to kill her for a second, but he soon realized that she was just…enjoying it. Pomni wasn’t trying to push at his hands anymore; she just grabbed his wrists and loosely hung on.

“Aww, Pomni! You like this, don’t ya~?” He continued lightly tickling underneath her chin and the front of her neck, basking in the lazy giggles and lax squeals he got. Jax had no idea how someone could practically melt from getting tickled, but he wasn’t gonna question it. 

“Ihihihi- shuhuhut ihit…” Pomni could’ve had a better response, but she was too comfy to try. While he was still tickling her, it felt much more relaxing and nice in that spot. She could’ve stayed there all day…

Quickly realizing the jester was about to fall asleep on him, Jax stopped and patted her back. Pomni took a few shaky breaths, residual giggles still squeaking out in her daze. The bunny boy just chuckled, trying to help her wake up, in a sense. “You’re good, I’m done, wakey-wakey.”

Pomni was tired, though, and feeling like mild revenge. She just leaned into the purple boy, closing her eyes and letting the sleepy relaxation take over; girl was out in seconds. 

“...Pomni?” Jax’s smirk slowly fell, his brow-area bunching. She hadn’t moved in a few seconds, though he could see her breathing. Did she… That little-

Seeing her asleep on him felt strangely similar to a kitten napping there. It felt wrong to move… “*boing* it…”

Hopefully Ragatha and Gangle will be done soon…

#kasey's fruit shop #tadc tickle #lee!pomni #ler!jax #ticklish!pomni #sfw tickling community #tickle fic #tickle #fruit shop event #the amazing digital circus tickle #tadc #tadc jax #tadc pomni #the amazing digital circus

[sassycordy]

What is the sga debacle?? Did he do something specific?? I only know that he also made the shows Dark Matter and Utopia Falls which both have diversity and representation so that makes me hopeful for the same treatment in a new stargate series.

hi! whew im so sorry im just getting to this lmfao. truthfully ive been rly busy and this is such a serious topic that i wanted to make sure i chose my words carefully and laid everything out in the best way possible. 

disclaimer section! im not the best person to speak on this topic ahha. I just got into the fandom last year and it was only a few months ago that i started to hear some of these issues that existed previously (so if any veteran stargate fans wanna hop in on this and explain things in greater detail, please do)! also this is not a call out post or canceling thing. this is simply a hey-these-things-happened-and-maybe-we-should-be-careful-with-who-we-interact-with-and-trust type thing. anyways without further ado, here’s some of the sketchy shit that went down behind the scenes of stargate atlantis! (all sources are posted in the comment/replies btw)

> let’s start with the decision to kill off carson beckett because thats where the first weird comment pops up. now a lot of people claim that this was a move made by writers & producers to shake up the show and “make the actors feel less secure.” i’ve never been able to find that direct quote although ive heard people say that someone openly admitted it on the audio commentary/bonus features on the atlantis dvds soo take that however you like aha.

> after the sudden exit of paul mcgillion, tori higginson left the show a few episodes later anddddd ok this is where things escalate. this is an interview she gave where she openly talks about everything that went on behind the scenes. but to summarize, the writers ignored all of her input and refused to grow the character further when she had clearly outgrown the “Hammond” role. joseph mallozzi states in his blog post that brad wright himself was very fond and loved the weir character and he claims that the decision to write her out was because of “just simple logic.”(1) however, torri tells a different story. (2) 

“Honestly? I found that quite shitty, to be honest (laughs).Oops. But I found out, because I kept going to them, I kept going up to them saying ‘I have a feeling my character, you’re not doing anything with me, and you guys have me for six years and I don’t want to, you know, be here not doing anything. Let me know what’s going on.’ And they kept saying “no, no, no, it’s great. We love you. We love you. Things can be great.’ And I said ‘well, if that’s the case, can we do something with her’ and they kept reassuring me that nothing - and the very last day of filming season three, as I finished filming the last scene on the last day I was called up to the office and was told that my character was going to become recurring if I chose to be. So, I thought that was not very, um, dignified, way to deal with it, and I was a bit surprised. So I was—so my reaction was one of yeah, I was a little bit surprised. I was a little bit upset by how it was dealt with. But I wasn’t upset at the decision because I understood it. I kept going to them saying ‘I get, I get what’s going to happen, just give me some notice so I can pack my apartment and move back to L.A. Really. So I wasn’t upset with the decision. I was upset with how it was handled.”

she was led on and told her role would be reduced after the filming of season three which is uh. absolutely insane to think about considering she’s the main female lead of the show. And this is just my personal opinion but i think its interesting timing that as soon as brad stepped down, joseph mallozzi and his writing partner, paul mullie got rid of her. It’s also pretty telling that there was some bad blood behind the scenes because she didn’t even reprise her character in season five for the ghost in the machine aka the episode where they “kill elizabeth” off. although i do wanna mention that since then, jm has posted that he believes elizabeth would actually still be alive today and is just in stasis somewhere waiting to be found …which is nice. i guess. maybe they shouldn’t have fired her in the first place but hey whatever. 

and to end the torri section, here’s another quote that i think is the real reason she was let go from atlantis.

Question: And now Amanda Tapping seems to be doing exactly the same… just filing an episode. Torri said “Well, no. I understand that it’s a club, and you know, some people.. .you know. I think they didn’t like me constantly rapping on the doors saying ‘excuse me, why aren’t there any women writers or any women producers on the show?’ I think it bothered them. And so, Amanda, bless her, just had a kid so... bless her, man, she needs that gig more than [me]… you know what I mean? So I have no issues with any of them. I understand how it works. It is a bit of a political game and… I’m not very good at politics (laughs). I’m like Weir. I just want to act.”

> now this is where the joe flanigan of it all starts to come in. he’s been vocal about defending torri higginson and openly saying how bad of a decision it was to kill her off. (3) and his interview with dial the gate was enlightening on a few topics. (4)

his character didn’t get a backstory until season 3. tptb literally told him, “john likes ferris wheels” and called it a day. which is actually mind boggling. they gave him nothing to work with and somehow he turned it into gold. 

he’s also said many times and in different interviews how terrible it was that the writers carried over from sg1. the cast would pitch ideas but would be shut down because they would sound “too much like an sg1 ep” which is ridiculous considering how many atlantis scripts are just a rip off of sg1 eps anyways.

> and finally the whole whispers debacle. now i don’t really know a lot about this, so I'll just link the tumblr post that first brought this to my attention! (5) there’s also the whole “the writers stopped taking notes from the cast after season 3 and specifically started to shun joe out”  thing (which is very obvious in seasons 4 and 5) so i’ll also link another great tumblr post because they explain it so much better than i can. (6)

> there’s also the fact that once it became clear that universe was not doing well, both bw and jm turned and blamed it on atlantis and even sg1 fans.

“I don’t think if we, for any reason, go away, it is an issue necessarily of the quality of the product that we’ve been making. I think getting moved on the schedule has hurt us. And the fact that some of the fans that liked SG-1 and Atlantis were so angry that they have deliberately hurt us, which is unfortunate.” (7) Brad Wright. 

Jaso967060 writes: “Heck I think alot of people from “that other site” could be won back if some changes are made. (Finding out the Destinys Mission and the crew working together more instead of tearing each other down…and having more action…changes like that.)” 

Answer: Disagree. Given that their deluded mission statement is to see SGU cancelled in order to pave the way for an SGA return, I doubt that very much. (8) Joseph Mallozzi

this post is getting too long so i won’t go into the whole “stargate atlantis viewers were not the right demographic the writers wanted” thing. because yes this may have been said by one of the writers (i don’t have a source but so many people bring it up and it makes sense considering the type of show universe is). also joe flanigan talked about how the writers and producers disrespected atlantis fans and he sorta mentions this quote too so im gonna link it. (9) also i would just like to say huge shoutout to joe for not caring to be diplomatic lol. 

but yea. please take this post however you would like. all of this happened years and years ago so one can only hope people have learned from their mistakes. and if a fourth stargate show is ever made, I just pray they'll finally have women and poc writers/producers/directors as main contributors. also joseph mallozzi has done so many interviews with dial of the gate in recent years, so i would check those out if anyone would like to hear his current thoughts on stargate. (if you do, please message me because i would love to know if he acknowledges any of these topics ahah). 

and to end this lovely post, let's reminisce on that one time joe flanigan called the writers of atlantis “rodney mckays” <3

“Because the writers are all McKays – they are the collective Rodney McKay. It’s a whole load of little McKays running round up there in the offices.” (10)

so sorry this took a million years to respond to ahha. and i may have gotten a bit sidetracked but i hope i answered your question !!

#sassy cordy responds #this is a literal essay kdnkds #also I cant speak on his other shows bc I don't remember anything about dark matter and I haven't seen the other one sorry about that >.< #also the mistreatment of every character that isn't a man or white is a huge problem in atlantis and frankly every fucking stargate show #but thats for another day me thinks #also rodney baby I love you so much #but an entire room of rodney mckays in real life would scare the crap out of me #NO WONDER HE ENDED UP WITH KELLER LMFAO??? they were all collectively living their weird younger blonde girl fantasy through him ... ew #stargate atlantis #stargate sg1 #stargate universe #Joseph Mallozzi #brad wright #stargate franchise #torri higginson #joe flanigan #behind the scenes #my posts have been so serious recently pls

[danothan]

hi i’d like to deconstruct one of the jason todd songs ever (ft. the bipolar jason agenda)

“It's fucking sad that we need a tragedy to occur to gain a fresh perspective in our lives. Nothing happens for a reason, there's no point even pretending, you know the sad truth as well as I.”

jason’s death had no purpose. he wasn’t a hero, he wasn’t a martyr, it was a pointless death in a long line of many. the tragedy of it was that it didn’t have to happen, and that’s why he blames batman for not killing the joker. it wasn’t his dying that he was upset abt, it’s that batman let the joker continue that long line of death

“Oh god, the morning light sun rays bring my paranoia. I can't function unless I'm the only one awake.”

jason works alone, puts himself at a distance. this line frames it less as a choice tho, as if it’s other ppl that are unpredictable factors, as if he’s unable to put his trust in ppl again

“Rancor of our last conversation, that forbidden word you deform to handicap me, then abuse your advantage.”

the forbidden word here is probably “love.” bruce’s problem is that he isn’t much of a talker, he doesn’t express his love in a way that jason needs. the incongruence between his actions and his words “handicaps” jason, puts him at a disadvantage as he reaches out for bruce’s approval. it speaks volumes that the narrator doesn’t say “the forbidden word” either

“Because your eyes are an agent of darkness. There's nothing to fight. It's just a bit of fait accompli.”

going off from that last line, talking to bruce is like talking to a wall. jason sees nothing left in bruce’s eyes; to him, there is no more grief or hope. the “fait accompli” is that bruce has moved on, but even beyond that, it’s jason’s death as a whole. there’s no option left but to accept that everything has changed

“I spend my waking hours haunting my life. I made the one I love start crying tonight, and it felt good. Still there must be a more elegant solution. Lately I'm rotted in the filth of self-offered agonies that really should fill me with shame, but all I have is this manic energy.”

tbh i don’t rly have anything to add here, i just love the death imagery of ghosts and rot, as well as the mania and self-sabotage of it all. very jasoncore

“I lost my page in being the black stamped disciple in your heart collage. Just want to celebrate me. Need to suffer more.”

robin status revoked! he knows he had his flaws, but he was devoted not only to batman but also to bruce. it’s a mix of feeling like he wasn’t enough as well as doing all that he could. at the emotional core of jason’s motives, he wants to be understood and appreciated. his suffering is a fruitless search for closure, smth he puts himself thru bc he thinks he deserves it. he suffers to make up for himself

“Face our puerility. Converts officiate. Divides new stratagems to disembowel our quotidien characters.”

good lord listening to any of montreal song forces you to pull out the dictionary. i Think what this line is saying is that they have to face their pasts to learn and destroy who they know themselves to be, and only then can they move on. jason saying this to bruce doubles as a taunt: “i’m not the kid you remember anymore.”

“I know I'm upside down about you. Your kindness feels like blasphemy or some sick education on the limits of humanity, so I profane the laws of some Victorian garbage.”

jason and batman have the same goals: they want what’s best for gotham. he feels “upside down” abt bruce bc they were in it together as batman and robin, he taught him everything he knew. but the closer the goals, the bigger the differences feel. that’s why it feels especially blasphemous that batman’s no-kill rule is for the sake of humanity. jason views bruce’s sense of justice as smth sick, ineffective, old-school. it’s “victorian garbage.” his so-called mercy is what got jason killed

to be clear, this is all in jason’s pov. i don’t think he’s as spiteful or cruel as this song makes him out to be, but i think it carries the kind of self-deprecation that he Does view himself thru. and the bitterness definitely reflects his emotions, as well as the back-and-forth between his smug call-outs vs desperate attempts at closure/vindication. i would even say they’re one and the same

tldr; jason todd is bipolar, of montreal diagnosed him

#jason todd #dc #dc comics #bipolarizing #music #danbles #meta #long post #gonna rewatch utrh tonight with a friend who hasn’t seen it #so excited to finally share my jason thoughts with them hehe

[saetoru]

No but tee ur so right about the struggle to move on from sumeru. Like I’ve already played the whole archon quest to avoid getting spoiled and it’s been pretty good so far. But everything about sumeru and its story/character building was just so top-notch that Fontaine falls a little flat in comparison. *Mild spoilers warning* like the traveler meets focalors and I was just immediately hit with this immense longing to see nahida again. Like no archon will ever be nahida!!! She’s truly the peoples archon!!!!

And they’re definitely trying to set up a big mystery in the plot but for whatever reason even though the stakes seem like they’re supposed to be higher it just doesn’t hit with the same intensity as all of the absolutely insane shit the akademiya had going on. *Mild spoilers again* It probably has to do with the fact that it’s in relation to the people of Fontaine specifically and the traveler cannot be affected. Like it just doesn’t feel as personal. And given that it doesn’t feel as personal, there’s also not as much room for close character bonds to develop over a shared sense of urgency.

Sorry tee this ended up being a really long ramble but yeah ur so right ur feelings are so valid Fontaine just isn’t the same (at least rn) and I miss sumeru sm too

i think out of all the nations sumeru was my fav (altho the cultural representation aspects made me a bit upset) bc the story objectively was the most intriguing in this one but ALSO !! just the way the characters relationships were all built and connected was just rly nice and special to me. like even tho u hardly see much of candace she means the world to dehya and dehya means a good deal to everyone in sumeru city so like when candace comes to visit she’s still not rly out of place !! and it’s like 🥹 everyone is just connected to everyone and it’s a big family 🥹 and nahidas the mostttt endearing archon i think her story was my favorite but also her relationship with lumine was just more special than the other archons. i think the only other nation where everyone is close to being family like this is mondstadt with like kaeya and amber and eula and jean and klee—they’ve all had history in the knights and as kids so they’re all endearing too and that’s also !! why leaving mondstadt made me so upset !! and why i revisit so frequently just for the heck of it :,) and i think venti also has a slightly cuter relationship w lumine but idk like zhongli and raiden are lovely i liked them but they didn’t have that. idk. ig friendship that nahida had with traveler AND ALSO nahida tries so hard to rly connect w the ppl in sumeru she’s just the best archon i love love love her.

but i loved sumeru’s plot the most i think mondstadt was a bit boring until diluc showed up (lol) and liyue was fun but also a little less exciting and inazuma had so much potential but it was longgggg and tedious and also the miko training thing TOOK ME OUT. but sumeru was so fun and i enjoyed it thoroughly AND IDK IF ANYTHING WILL BEAT IT even the limited events in sumeru were so good sobs i AM RLY SAD WE ARE LEAVING. and also sumeru story quests are all my favs. dehyas was amazing and cynos was too and so was al haithams and i loved nahidas w the lore drops and even tighnaris had me emotional

i think i just have a bias LOL

but anyway I WILL FINALLY PLAY THE NEW QUEST just because i don’t wanna be spoiled so i might as well get it out the way BUT i’m glad someone shares the sentiment with me 🥹 sumeru will always be the best nation to me :,)

#asks!

[batslime]

How was Till irl? Was he a good kisser (Don't answer this if it's uncomfortable lol). I am hoping I could meet him as well <3

First thing he did when he walked in the room after we were all there was sit on a couch and ask who wanted a drink lol

He was very hospitable but still in a partying mood/ set boundaries- very early a girl took her phone out for something and he got a little upset thinking she was taking pictures so we all put our phones outside but it didnt sour the mood at all (I was surprised when they didn’t ask us for them at first tbh) he was throwing glasses and flipping tables and stuff (i think he was showing off fjdnfjdn) but made sure nobody was in the way and would stop dead in the tracks to playfully shoo somebody, at one point all the water bottles had wither been drunk or gone flying so I started drinking from an ice bucket and he spotted me when he ran out of glasses and smirked at me and made this “give it here” gesture and threw that too fjdnfj

He danced a bit with some of the girls and had some of them put on music and yelled “this is teenager shit!” when somebody played Don’t Stop Believin and chatted with the multilingual people in other languages which I loved even if I couldn’t understand most of it lol. It was pretty loose and relaxed, he was very hospitable without being really formal about it, and I really enjoyed meeting the ladies back there too (there were a few times he had to leave the room briefly and I think me showing my new nipple piercings to the girls was the raunchiest it ever got hfhdj)

It def was nowhere near as crazy as I think ppl may assume, one of the ladies even asked if she could light a joint and the staff said no lmao. The smooches were nothing big, I think more of that kinda of old fashioned European expression than anything bc he also kissed Paul gn when he came in and kissed us all who were left goodbye at the end of the night, just a little peck. I don’t even like kissing. But yes I loved it and desperately pine for more I felt DRUNK on the first one esp since he just kinda did it out of nowhere in front of everyone else and hadn’t done smt like that before fjdnjf

It was a lot of fun! I don’t follow Rammstein like I did in high school anymore but I’ve seen some pretty recent instances of women he’s been in relationships with before say he’s one of the most polite and kind people they know, he just also gets really Sillay and likes bar fights and eating glass and will break people’s noses if they disrespect his friends. I think I heard Paul say once he loves women and women love him. Def got all that from him, he was rly funny and seems rly intelligent too, and did his best to make sure everyone was having a good but safe time (we got escorted out of the venue at the end of the night since we’d all been drinking). I’d love another opportunity to spend time with him again. I’d love a quieter more one on one chance to ask like what kind of music he likes, what he likes to hunt and fish, if he likes mushroom hunting. That’s kinda more of a fantasy tho ig and I def can’t be disappointed in what I got, best night of my life, def sets a high bar for if I ever get to see them live again lol

#long post

[cantdanceflynn]

I like the concept of Irving as a character, he definitely has the potential to be a character like Buford, where he’s doing something in general questionable but everyone is just kind of fine with it? Like how Buford is a bully but everyone is okay with it. I don’t think Irving does anything as bad as being a bully, though, he just comes across like a stalker sometimes.

I do wish he’d been treated a little bit differently by the show, though, since he seems to be constantly put in the wrong and turned into a joke. He never really has an episode where his good qualities are explored.

In the shrinking episode, which is his first appearance I believe? There’s a moment where everyone backs away from him as he says Where’s Perry a lot. I didn’t find that part funny, and I think it was an odd choice to make him so ostracized from the group. The show is constantly reminding us that we shouldn’t like him by making him seem like a creep. Personally, I don’t think he really does anything super bad, and there’s potential for an interesting character. I just wish it wasn’t such a thing that no one likes him.

Personally, I dislike when there’s jokes about one person being super uncomfortable to be around, since that kind of narrative is just a bit icky? Especially considering he’s like… 10. Speaking as someone who was bullied and ostracized from their peers as a child… I just find it hard to find humor in it, I guess? When we get lines like “Friends, bullies… Irving” I just think if i was Irving this would be upsetting and I’d be upset that no one considers me a friend.

Irving’s brother is hilarious though, I find him so funny for no reason. I kind of wish he was sort of like Linda in the sense that he wouldn’t be able to see Phineas and Ferb’s inventions? It would be an interesting parallel to Candace’s struggle, and maybe there’s something that could be said about how both characters are obsessed with Phineas and Ferb, but in different ways? For Candace it’s busting them, and for Irving he just really likes them and wants to show his brother their stuff? That’s not really based in the show but idk I just want there to be most of an ongoing bit with their dynamic that’s a little more interesting than ‘they don’t like each other’.

Basically, this was probably way too long of an answer to your question, but my answer is: Irving is fine but I’d like him more if the show didn’t try to make him seem creepy and disliked. Also he should have more interaction with other characters than just Phineas and Ferb. Is he jealous of their friends? Does he get bullied by Buford? Does he have any friends? Why was he in such a high position of authority in the episode where the movie genres were fighting if apparently he isn’t liked by many people?? When does he join OWCA??? I would LOVE a plot where Irving joins OWCA because he’s a good spy.. that would be cool! Imagine if he worked with Perry to make sure his cover isn’t blown..

I need that now. Agent Irving is now on my wishlist for the new episodes.

OH YEA FR. HE DOES GENUINELY BECOME IN MANY WAYS PART OF THE GANG LATER ON ESPECIALLY AND I THINK OVERALL ITS NOT TOO BAD BUT ALSO IT IS KINDA TELLING HOW THEY KINDA PUSH HIM ASIDE LIKE THAT EARLY ON

AND YEA JDJFSBHJFSFSHJ ALBERTS HILARIOUS. I DO THINK THERES ABSOLUTELY A BUNCH OF INTERESTING STUFF TO DO W ALBERT AND IRVINGS DYNAMIC(LIKE. IRVING TENDS TO BE IRRITATED W HIM BUT HE ALSO CLEARLY COPIES A BUCH OF ALBERTS TENDENCIES AND THINKS HES SOME LEVEL OF COOL UP TO NOT PHINEAS AND FERB. ITS ALSO RLY WELL IMPLIED ESPECIALLY WITH MORE CONTEXT THAT IRVING IDOLIZES PHINEAS AND FERB SM BC HE WANTS THAT SAME RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS BROTHER, AND LACK OF CONTACT DUE TO BOARDING SCHOOL W HIS ACTUAL BROTHER(AND THE CONTACT THERE IS BEING. EH AT BEST) BASICALLY CAUSED IT TO GET WORSE OVER TIME) AND MAN THAT WOULD ACTUALLY BE RLY NEAT AS A POTENTIAL GROUP OF PARALLELS

AND SO TRUE OH MY GOSH. WE GET CONFIRMATION IRVING JOINS OWCA IN AYA, WHICH. AYA BELOATHED BUT OWCA SPY IRVING IS THE BEST FUGGIN CONCEPT OH MY GOSH I WISH WE'D ACTUALLY GOTTEN TO SEE MORE.

AFTER YOU GET TO/REWATCH THE FIRST PNF MOVIE THERES A SPECIFIC FIC BY BEX I WANT TO RECOMMEND TO U ON THAT END :)

MY OPINIONS ON IRVING R PRETTY DARN CLOSE HONESTLY. I FIND HIM FASCINATING ESPECIALLY POST REALIZING ALL THE IMPLIED INTRICACIES W HIS RELATIONSHIP W ALBERT AND I TRY TO DO MORE WITH HIM OVERALL HES MY UNDERRATED FAVE OF THE SERIES OVERALL I JUST RLY LIKE HIM

I THINK YOULL LIKE IT MORE LATER ON WHEN HES RLY MORE CONSISTENTLY PART OF THE GROUP THO ITS HONESTLY RLY NICE :)

#CANDY-ASKS #CANDY-FRIENDS #SRY FOR ALSO BEING RAMBLY LOL BUT LIKE!! U GET IT!!! #I DO THINK THEY DID BETTER W IRVING(AND I HONESTLY FEEL LIKE HES HOMESCHOOLED EVEN THO IT DOESN'T PARTICULARLY MAKE SENSE BC LIKE #UP UNTIL VERY RECENTLY I WAS AND HE KINDA GIVES ME THE VIBES™ AND IT WOULD MAKE SENSE CONSIDERING ALBERT SO EH #SO IM AWARE THAT THAT DOES KINDA GIVE ME SOME DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE ON THE OSTRACIZED STUFF BC LIKE. MY SITUATION THERE WOULD BE MORE LIKE #''OH BOY!!! THEY REMEMBERED MY NAME :DDDDDDD MAYBE IM ACTUALLY DOING BETTER W INTERACTION AND MAKING FRIENDS'' #AND I DO FEEL LIKE THATS A VERY IRVING TRAIN OF THOUGHT LOL SO WHO KNOWS. BUT I AM BIASED LOL SRY

[letslive-hwaiting]

maybe some people who don’t rly feel belonged are sensitive souls, and it’s not their fault.

i relate . things i’m unhappy about or sensitive about, a lot, but it’s difficult to tell the people. and i think people don’t know why i got upset or left maybe they didn’t even really know anything was subtly wrong😂

experiences with many friend groups/friends and people in general and i always feel at some point i dont want to be with them anymore. then i leave. i like leaving a lot 😅🤣 but i mean, i didn’t enjoy it at all but i think they wouldn’t know why maybe ppl thought it’s mood swing lul. but sometimes there’s this point where i decide let’s not do this anymore, this is my last time, and i leave . i loveeeee leaving and forgetting and i don’t like having memories with relationships/ppl it didn’t make me happy? im a social being but not pleasant (though not necessarily unpleasant per se) experiences make me want to be alone instead of being with friends or having friends i d k . .

so actually these days i’m conflicted. i want to have friends too, i need friends and people, but i also came to a point in my life where i dislike having friends in a way?? to make new friends or not? i rly like getting to know new people but what if i end up regretting? i look back and think i regret getting to know many friends/ppl(like i just want to forget them all)… but i want to make new connections too. im not bad to be with yknow 😂😂😂 i can be quite nice to be around….

but i guess people who really want to be part of our lives will try to understand and keep coming back to embrace us. those who really really care will be affected along with us.

__________________

yeah, the right people who can love us will come

if not, nvm.

[soojoelle]

about me

Hey, I’m Sophie Joelle!

AFAB but I don’t really care about pronouns so you go crazy about it! Born in 1994 and mostly speaking English on any platform that I’ve linked. Sometimes my German ass still does a lot of mashup language. Which includes words from French, Korean, Swedish and Italian. I do use social media such as instagram, tiktok and twitter.

Tiktok recently made me realise that I am neurodivergent. Adding AroAce to that since I seem to not have interest in others romantically or sexually.

My main interests are Drarry fanfics, Young Royals, Heartstopper, The Maze Runner, The Hunger Games, Sex Education, LoL-Esports and Games.

Drarry FFs

I grew up with those movies, went to cinema at the third movie and all the following ones. Just this year (2022), I decided to read the books… and accidentally stumbled over some Drarry fanfic? That is apparently my personality now (I’ll be insufferable for you by toxik_Angel). So instead of reading the books, I now enjoy slow burn, angsty Drarry fics over books. AGAIN. ( I have some history with gay ffs in other fandoms).OH and one last thing, I am a Slytherin and my fav character is no other than Draco Malfoy. Sadly due to all the controversal stuff, I will distance myself to all the canon stuff connected to a certain person… but I will keep on reading nasty fanfictions about Draco and Harry. Recently been on a wilde readings spree. My tiktok got the hang of recommending fics to me and well, it's come to over 60 open tabs on my phone.

Young Royals

Discovered this end of 2021 or beginning 2022. Fell in love with Wilhelm, their lovestory and Swedish. Talk to me in Swedish and I’ll do anything for you.

Heartstopper - AND ALICE OSEMAN(VERSE)

Not a big fan of Graphic Novels so I only stick to the series on Netflix but damn… this is my new comfort series when I feel sad or down. Nick/Kit Connor is embracing my heart every time. Recently bought all the books and am now officially comsumed by Osemanverse. My favorite character turned out to be Aled Last from Radio Silence!

Sex Education

My fav idiot is Otis in that series and I totally got him up until nearly end of Season 2. After that we divorced and went seperate ways. Meaning, I felt his awkwardness with sexual stuff and then he suddenly had a sexlife, meanwhile me still advoiding it at all cost. Since, I’m ace…

LoL-Esports

Meaning I am a total sucker for LEC. There’s way too many decent Gamers that I want to pour my heart out to. My favorite player is Mikyx. As casters I rly rly love Daniel Drakos. Casting together with his duo Caedrel gives me the chills while I still don’t fully understand League in detail. Drakos and Vedius are producing absolutely madness music. Pls check those songs out:

• Edge of Infinity

• Reckless with my Heart

• Mediocre Rap Cypher of the LEC

Games

Main games are Genshin Impact, Honkai Star Rail, Dead by Daylight, 7Days To Die, League of Legends (Aram). Feel free to send me DM for adding on those games!!

Important. I am an absolute simp for Xayah (and Rakan).

BTS

You are looking at one rare Army that has been with them since debut. My bias is Jungkook, but each member individually gives me safe places that nobody irl was ever able to. I am so thankful that we walked together, without them I wouldn’t have become a nurse and settled in a good mental state. They literally cured the negativity in my life and inside of me. 감사합니다, BTS. These days I mainly listen to their music but don’t keep up with their content. Doesn’t mean I love them any less tho.  I've been quite distant from them since the solo songs of my bias, they made me upset and frustrated. Since they are in English and have a feature and they are about fucking. Which, while being used to some singers, I can take, but not by JK..

Small add-on, I do listen to other Kpop artists like Stray Kids, NCT, TXT and WOODZ.

#about me #personal

[sofhtie]

nebulously upset about crop again 🥺

#i am currently #just sitting here #so i don’t rly have anything NEW to be upset about #i just keep getting upset by seeing character statuses bc i MISS my BESTIES (the other pcs) #thinking about Her (cerise a complete list of fears) #and the fact that the last thing that her and cami did before cami got captured was fight 😔 #and how it’s Sexc narratively that cami can’t rly get out of her own (that’s unity!) but also. i personally feel bad and want to help 😭 #and!! and. i’ve got No clue what’s happening w auberon rn but ve already has SO many problems it SUCKS that this one also happene around ver #which. it’s going to be fine but cami’s going to get out and have her statuettes too and also auberon has the giants this time. but like— #still Sucks for ver!!! ve’s been through ENOUGH! #also i miss my cool dad and evil twink bestie. #just gonna start rereading scenes for fun and profit again i think 😤 #i just think this party and their dynamics are!! a Lot i love them so much 🥺 #and it’s still Wild to think about how we shifted from original party to. this #it reflects the game itself in such a cool way!! how we all started friendly and trusting with each other if nothing else #Very close Very established bonds #and now it’s. everyone still cares so each other a Lot but there’s a million more things that influence everything so it’s not Easy anymore #:] #i LOVE this GAME pleadingcat #crop #dnd hours

[redmbti]

Also can you make a post about what each cognitive function is (but dumbed down bc I've read a lot of explanations and I still don't understand) with some examples?

MBTI CHEAT SHEET #3

note: in the bullet list i’ll be talking about the HIGH users of the mentioned function.

and i’ll talk bout heathy and unhealthy traits in the same bullet list randomly without order so don’t be offended if there’s a trait bout your dominant function that ain’t as nice, it’ll probably be just an unhealthy trait of the function.

EXTROVERTED FUNCTIONS —

each extroverted function proceeds information faster than its introverted contra-part.

for example: Fe proceeds feelings faster than Fi. Fe might feel more emotions but Fi will feel more deeply.

Fe— extroverted feeling

Fe is an extroverted judging function.

dom-Fe —> ExFJ (high user)

aux-Fe —> IxFJ (high user)

tert-Fe —> ExTP (low user)

inf-Fe —> IxTP (low user)

Fe is concerned with other people’s feelings (contrary to Fi)

Fe can be dependent on other people cuz it does a lot for others and expects em to do the same.

Fe high users are usually rly socially aware

they are empathetic and can put themselves well in other peoples shoes (that can be used for good AND bad intentions; remember just bc someone might be emphatic does not mean they’re good people)

they tend to get jealous rly easily (bc Fe compares itself to others a lot

they tend towards passive aggressive behaviour instead of expressing their anger in an open manner

Fe-high users are aware of other people’s emotions but not their own

they often want you to feel a certain way (like if you’re upset they’ll try their best to make you happy again; or they can guilt trip you)

slight inference that you better agree

CAN be fake

Fe is warm, caring and rly helpful if heathy. dependant, manipulative and passive aggressive if unhealthy

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Te— extroverted thinking

Te is an extroverted judging function.

dom-Te —> ExTJ (high user)

aux-Te —> IxTJ (high user)

tert-Te —> ExFP (low user)

inf-Te —> IxFP (low user)

Te is concerned with structure and getting things done

values external evidence over pure logic

independent and often work alcoholics

socially aware but not of other peoples feelings

suppresses emotions cuz what would you gain from expressing it?

often intimating

if you have a problem they wouldn’t try to make you feel better but to fix your problem instead

very straightforward, direct, blunt even

Te-high-users are the least type to be manipulative

they hate being manipulated

highly objective

Te detests subjectivity

Te is objective, practical and structured if heathy. mean, angry and concerned with cutting thru if unhealthy.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Se— extroverted sensing

Se is an extroverted perceiving function.

dom-Se —> ESxP (high user)

aux-Se —> ISxP (high user)

tert-Se —> ENxJ (low user)

inf-Se —> INxJ (low user)

lives in the moment

wants to experience everything life has to offer

cant plan further into the future

physical approach

impulsive and spontaneous

relaxed and laid pack

hand-on learning

often like sports and material arts

reckless

get bored of pure theories

doing instead of thinking

Se is spontaneous, chill and fun if heathy. reckless, future-neglecting and impulsive if unhealthy.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Ne— extroverted intuition

Ne is an extroverted perceiving function.

dom-Ne —> ENxP (high user)

aux-Ne —> INxP (high user)

tert-Ne —> ESxJ (low user)

inf-Ne —> ISxJ (low user)

possibilities possibilities possibilities

broad ideas and abstract concepts (contrary to Ni’s deep ones)

what if thinking

expanding (contrary to Ni)

Ne-doms are often excited

inclined to rapid changes in mind

a lot of perspectives at once

Ne reads between the lines and too much into things

seek proof to back up their instinct (contrary to Ni)

thinks outside the box

loves new thinks

hates being/feeling trapped

strongly values freedom

open-minded!!

commitment-issues and burning bridges

scattered

likes to keep things open (contrary to Ni)

Ne is open-minded, creative, and full of new possibilities if heathy. scattered, commitment-phobic and tends towards burning bridges if unhealthy.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

INTROVERTED FUNCTIONS—

these are often not clearly visible cuz they do their work internal.

Si— introverted sensing

Si is an introverted perceiving function.

dom-Si —> ISxJ (high user)

aux-Si —> ESxJ (high user)

tert-Si —> INxP (low user)

inf-Si —> ENxP (low user)

comfortable with routine

doesn’t like change

hand-on learning

get bored of pure theories

detail-oriented

how did it always work?

understands things when they are done

down to earth

can be picky/ control freaks (istj more than isfj)

can be close-minded

Si is down to earth, detail oriented and in tune with reality if heathy. close-minded and picky control freaks if unhealthy.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Ti— introverted thinking

Ti is an introverted judging function.

dom-Ti —> IxTP (high user)

aux-Ti —> ExTP (high user)

tert-Ti —> IxFJ (low user)

inf-Ti —> ExFJ (low user)

detached, highly logical and analytical

values logic (and personal freedom) over everything

cant enjoy anything unless it makes sense to them (for example if a relationship is nice but it doesn’t make sense to them why the other person likes them they’ll break up)

quite and laid back (only IxTP)

have a hard time controlling their anger

not aware of their emotions nor other peoples emotions

if they feel emotions it’s often expressed thru anger

barley ever cry (they just can’t, it’s awful)

tend to run away from their pain thru fun

IxTPs aren’t rly socially aware due to inferior Fe, where ExTP are charming due to tertiary Fe.

it often seems as if they don’t care bout you (even if they do)

nihilistic

might not give a fuck cuz everthing is so meaningless

Ti can be analytical, logical and an affective ‘search machine’ for plot holes of any kind if healthy. detached, emotionally dead, isolated and nihilistic if unhealthy.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Fi- introverted feeling

Fi is an introverted judging function.

dom-Fi —> IxFP (high user)

aux-Fi —> ExFP (high user)

tert-Fi —> IxTJ (low user)

inf-Fi —> ExTJ (low user)

sensitive but private in their feelings

makes decisions based on personal values

how does this affects me?

cant verbalize emotions

needs time to proceeds feelings

not judgmental of others

very protective of identity

“i” talking

to focused on self (it’s my fault, i fuqed this up, i ruined everything)

CAN be selfish

extreme self loathing if unhealthy

feels rly deeply

Fi is sensitive, private, and almost immune to peer pressure if heathy. isolated, self-loathing and selfish if unhealthy.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Ni— introverted intuition

Ni is an introverted perceiving function.

dom-Ni —> INxJ (high user)

aux-Ni —> ENxJ (high user)

tert-Ni —> ISxP (low user)

inf-Ni —> ESxP (low user)

closest function to the subconscious

therefore does most of its work subconsciously

interested in abstract theories, ideas and concepts

always reads between the lines

always searches for a deeper meaning

detached from sensory reality

poor at interacting with the sensory environment

they just ‘know’ things and they can’t explain it

freakin accurate hunches and epiphanies (aha moments)

they NEED (not want to, they fuqin need to, or they’ll feel sick) to narrow things down to reach ONE CERTAIN outcome (contrary to Ne)

therefore predict things in an accurate way

can be extremely paranoid

imaginary monsters

often wrapped view of reality (for the infj more)

plans EVERYTHING

big picture

can be control freaks

Ni is highly abstract, creative and can predict future outcomes and great at making plans if heathy. extreme paranoia, wrapped version of realty and pointing at imaginary monsters if unhealthy.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

—ciyan

#i have 2 other requests #they’ll come- #mbti #entp #infj #istp #enfj #enfp #entj #esfj #esfp #estj #infp #intp #isfj #istj #intj #estp #isfp #theory #cheat sheet #3 #mbti types #16 personalities #cognitive functions #carl jung #asks #reply

[carnalcringe]

* hi :D could you maybe do the inside job gang comforting a dysphoric transmasc reader? Like maybe giving them masc compliments and like getting them food and stuff

Hey!!

I struggle with Gigi and Myc but I can sure try

ALSO THANKYOU FOR DOING MY ASKS IVE BEEN PRAYING FOR BRETT CONTENTFOREVER

Note that I am Bigender (Feminine/female presenting) so if I write anything that may come off as upsetting or wrong PLEASE let me know)))

Inside Job x Trans-Masc/Afab Reader

Reagan

I feel like Reagan would be rly nonchalant about it.

Like no matter how it came out ( like wether it was made known from the start or if you found out after meeting her and/or came out.) she would have no problems with it.

If you’re feeling dysphoric she’s a little lost on how to comfort you. She struggles with social cues so she may not notice unless you said something.

If you tell her what you need she’s definitely there to help though. Wanna borrow some baggy clothes? Let her wash them first. Want some comfort food? Door dash. Need to take your mind off it? How about a marathon?

She completely forgets your binding (if you bind) until she sees the binder. But instantly when she sees it she’d ask how long you’ve been wearing it.

I imagine you two have this cute little thing where you both take your meds in the morning. If you’re medicated then obviously you’re taking your meds, if not then She helps you with the T shots. If it’s gel then maybe she helps you rub it in.

Sleepy yawns and mumbling while you get ready for your day

Brett

He’s so sweet about it omg

I think he’s rly up to speed with LGBTQ issues and shit

Brett is obviously the pinochle of manliness (/hj) so he’s so eager to help you out with anything you need.

He’s rich right? He’d constantly ask to pay for your treatment.

If you’re feeling dysphoric he’s there to do absolutely anything. He’s doing the cooking and the cleaning, just focus on feeling better

He’s such a doting partner, everything you need he’s got. Showering you with complements and reassurance.

Gigi

She’s happy for you, also pretty chill about it but she’s a little more receptive than Reagan

I imagine that if this is like a new thing (like you came out after knowing/dating her for a while) she’d practically drag you to the mall for a new wardrobe.

She’s an absolute fashion diva, only name brand and designer are fitting for her lover.

“Babe. This top is just your shade.” “Have you seen these shoes??”

Makes sure you’re in therapy and if necessary, medicated. No excuses

She’s very ‘Get moving and you’ll feel better.’

If you’re pre-op, she’s on your ass about taking binder breaks and making sure you’re keeping up with hygiene.

If you’re post-op, she’d help you change your bandages and keep you comfy

“Honey have you eaten today?”

“No, I haven’t really had the energy-“

“Put some pants on, Sushi or the Cheesecake Factory?”

Andre

I absolutely think he’d make your T.

Don’t trust him with surgery though he cannot be trusted with a scalpel.

If you’re up for it, he’s got plenty of drugs to help keep your mind off the dysphoria.

You tryna load up on fast food he’s got that covered.

In All seriousness, He’s great at physical reassurance. He’ll snuggle the shit feelings away. Just lay down and listen to his fucked up heartbeat.

Probably better at physical than vocal/mental.

“You know what makes me feel better when I’m upset?”

“Cocai-“

“Cocaine.”

“I’m not doing cocaine.”

“…ok… how about Wendy’s?”

Myc

Im so sorry but I cannot figure out how to write myc in this

I HOPE THIS IS GOOD- AGAIN PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF ANY OF THIS IS OFFENSIVE OR UPSETTING I TRIED TO DO RESEARCH BUT I MAY HAVE MADE MISTAKES)))

#brett hand #inside job #andre lee #gigi thompson #reagan ridley #inside job x reader #transmasc reader #brett hand x reader #andre lee x reader #gigi x reader #reagan ridley x reader

[kkoongiee]

txt reactions — they hurt your feelings ‹𝟹

prompt — every relationship has it’s ups and downs, you can work it out, right?

## angst, only kai apologizes woops % gn!reader % wc: 985 [ cursing, insecurities, txt sucks here ]

yeonjun and you had planned a date prior to this week, it was going to be one of his days completely free so he planned on spending it with you, well at least thats what you thought. it had been a good thirty minutes, which turned into an hour, then faded into three hours and you slowly started to lose hope. you had gone out and bought a new outfit, hair nicely done, and basically gone all out to look nice. the sun was down, so you just decided it’s time to go home. there were many couples on the street tonight, having fun and on dates meanwhile yours couldn’t even show up. yeonjun woke up to several texts, putting them off because he was supposed to be up like half an hour ago. he didn’t check them until hours later, finishing up another interview and having a quick break. yeonjun quite literally felt his heart drop into his stomach, your last message delivered was ‘forget it, don’t show up. i could understand you’re busy, but at least let me know before you make me wait hours for somebody who isn’t going to show up.’ he realized he hurt your feelings then, but at that moment he was also being called to come record, so he did.

soobin is usually the most loving boyfriend, he rly is just the whole package and you never rly considered urself a bother to him or anything, up until now. you had come without warning, welcomed with warm arms and it seemed he was happy to see you!! but then you heard the murmurs from beomgyu, ‘do they know you have your own life apart from your relationship?’ soobin cracking up at the remark, shaking his head. ‘i don’t think so, they seem to just be .. everywhere. it’s fine, but i just can’t stand to always have to be around them.’ suddenly you felt very embarrassed, throat tight and painful with a few tears springing to your eyes. you left your bag of stuff you had brought for soobin, hurrying to leave already. he went back to his room, expecting for you to be waiting there - empty. he noticed the bag on his bed, filled with an array of different supplements and beneficial vitamin drinks. it had a small note in the bag, ‘i know u and beomgyu have been practicing a lot!! so share with him :-)’ now soobin felt horrible, talking behind your back (which now he presumed you overheard) and you had been so sweet to care about his and his members health, while he just let you get hurt.

beomgyu wasn’t one to get upset a whole lot, definitely not at you anyways. he always took into account you were over-all a very emotional, sentimental, sappy person - this day in particular he didn’t. you two were arguing over something so little, it didn’t really matter but both of you had yet to let it go and it went on from there. ‘well i just wanted to do this one thing, but you don’t want to!’ ‘well i don’t want to do this anymore!’ and there he said it. he instantly regretted it, he couldn’t even tell what he was doing at that moment. you passed back the blanket he had pulled around your shoulders earlier, pushing it to his chest before grabbing your bag. ‘then fine, don’t.’ he reached for your hand, your own pushing it back. he let you leave, sitting back by himself wondering how he’d make it up to you.

taehyun had been gifted a bracelet from you, it was for his birthday and you had made it yourself. unfortunately today he had broke it, the bracelet snapping into two and the beads had fallen off. he told you about it, which the bracelet wasn’t hard to make really. ‘well it’s okay! it’s fine don’t worry about it, i can just make you another one.’ big mistake offering that to him. ‘no thanks, it was cheap and flimsy anyways, plus i can just do without one. i have other jewelry.’ you smiled at him, ‘oh. okay, well that’s fine too.’ you felt a little upset. you weren’t the craftiest, nor were you the best at gift giving - but you tried. so when you left the dorms, everyone else was also there waiting and could hear you guys (u both never ever closed the door plus u always talked loud) yeonjun looked at him, ‘that was .. cold.’ which taehyun was confused by, ‘you called a bracelet your partner made cheap and flimsy.’ taehyun now felt very dumb.. and very guilty.

huening kai isn’t mean like .. ever. all you guys ever do is fake argue jokingly, so it’s never serious and it’s lighthearted fun. for the most part, you two were the most cutest loving couple ever. so at first you were just trying to joke around with him after (obviously not knowing he had a rough day) and you were just going on like any other day. kai scrunched his nose at ur hands pinching his cheeks which u find cute, so you laid ur head on his shoulder. he moved his shoulder which caused ur head to slip, you whined trying to move his arm back (which u COULDNT because the boy had that shit locked in place) ‘i can’t be around you right now, at all.’ he got up quickly, leaving you to wonder what exactly you did. before you knew it you were crying because you two had never, EVER upset eachother. so after getting a breather and taking a short moment to himself, kai returns and once he notices you are upset he just wraps his arms around you instantly. no questions asked because he knows he hurt your feelings, hoping that a few hugs and kisses can make it up to you.

#★☆ ៸៸ may writes #txt #txt imagines #txt reactions #txt scenarios #txt angst #txt fluff #txt x reader #yeonjun #soobin #beomgyu #taehyun #huening kai #yeonjun fic #soobin fic #beomgyu fic #taehyun fic #huening kai fic #yeonjun x reader #soobin x reader #beomgyu x reader #taehyun x reader #huening kai x reader

[yourmidnightlover]

all my fault

Request: spencer and y/n are married, and they’ve been trying to have kids, and then she finds out she’s pregnant. a few weeks into the pregnancy, she has a miscarriage, and at the hospital the doctor said it’s bc she had an abortion as a teenager, and it fucked up her it yet us. spencer didn’t know she had an abortion, and blames her for the death of the baby, and they end up sleeping separately for a while and they have to grieve by themselves. spencer ends up talking to emily about it bc of her experience and it has a comforting ending!

Summary: when reader has a miscarriage after trying to have a baby with spencer, and things about her past are revealed and leaves things rocky within their relationship.

CW: miscarriage, pregnancy, mention of abortion, spencer’s rly harsh at first, teenage pregnancy, mentions of surgery, a cervix condition that i kinda made up, depressive thoughts, negative self-worth, HAPPY ENDING. *please let me know if i’ve missed anything*

A/N: i’ve been working on coming up with a series, which i posted last thursday! i’m sorry i haven’t been as consistent with my schedule, this summer has really taken a toll on my mental health and school is about to start back up. i promise i’m not quitting writing, but my writing might become a bit more sporadic in terms of my posting schedule. i’m still not sure if i like how i’ve executed this piece, so please let me know what you think!

IMPORTANT A/N: this contains serious topics centered around pregnancy and abortion. reader end up blaming herself and it is a very triggering subject to some. if you aren’t comfortable with those kinds of depressive thoughts PLEASE DONT READ. i don’t want anyone to be triggered by my writing. your mental health matters. you matter. do not read if your sensitive to the subject matter, please!

———————————————————————

when you and spencer checked the third pregnancy test and saw those two, very clear lines on the stick, you felt an unbelievable amount of joy.

“oh my god,” you clamped your hand over your mouth, your eyes welling with tears.

“y/n…” he held his breath, holding your free hand with both of his own.

“you’re gonna be a dad,” you huffed out a laugh as his arms flew around you.

“and you’re gonna be a mom! we’re gonna have our own little family,” he cheered as he breathed in your scent, elated from the news he had hoped for since you said ‘i do.’

spencer had wanted to be a father since he met henry, you remember how attached he was to the child who wasn’t even his own. you hadn’t always wanted children, only when you were absolutely ready for them. now, you were more than ready.

your arms flew around spencer’s neck as his went around your waist. he dropped to his knees and began pressing kisses against a bump that wasn’t even visible yet, praising you and your body for carrying his child.

because it was so hard for you to get pregnant, spencer decided to baby you every chance he got. you didn’t do the dishes or sweep, you weren’t allowed to reach for high shelves or even step on a chair to do so. he was worried about you and the baby, so you let him. you found it endearing.

the perfect man that you married was so worried about the little bean inside of you, worried for your safety, that it drove him a bit mad. who were you to complain? each time he’d do one of the new little quirks like not letting you lift anything above 10 pounds, you just smiled to yourself and brushed it off.

being pregnant was something that you had lost hope for, in all honesty. spencer had been talking to a few friends who had adopted children prior to finding out you were pregnant. if this hadn’t worked out, the two of you were going to look into adoption.

spencer had planned your doctors appointment for 6 weeks after your last period. the appointment was in three days. and then the perfect outline you had for your future went down in crumbles.

you had been having pains in your lower abdomen, and you figured it was just because you were pregnant. you went to the bathroom like you normally would when you felt queasy, kneeling by the toilet in preparation for what was to come. only nothing came.

you decided to just go pee and get back to bed. there was a pain that wasn’t like you’d felt before when you were peeing, like someone had been pulling your intestines out of your body. when you looked down, you felt your stomach drop.

“spencer!” you cried out. “spencer, hurry!” you felt tears well in your eyes until he ran up beside you. his hand was on your thigh as the other one was trying to steady your shaking hand.

“what is… oh,” he looked in the toilet to see blood inside of it.

“spencer… what happened? i don’t know what happened. everything was doing so well and the baby-we just found out and now they’re-wh-what’s gonna happen?” you rambled out, unsure of how something this horrific happened so quickly.

“i-i don’t know, my love,” he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “i don’t know. but we’ll go to the hospital right now, okay? we’ll get answers.”

you just nodded. you couldn’t speak anymore. you felt your throat closing in on yourself. you cleaned yourself up and got dressed. even looking in the mirror with spencer’s arms around you, you didn’t feel anything but guilt and worry.

spencer’s touch would usually be something to ease your mind and take away the thoughts of everything else around you. only this was something wrong inside of you. you were the problem this time. and you didn’t think anything could fix this feeling.

“let’s get to the hospital, yea?” you nodded as he held onto your hand, trying to ground you to himself as he guided you to the car.

you were silent the entire drive to the doctor. there was nothing to say. there was nothing to do. there was just… nothing. you were numb.

“hey,” he spoke up, “we don’t know what happened yet. there’s a chance it’s just a fluke, right? the baby might be okay.”

“what’re the statistics, spencer? tell them to me,” you ordered as tears flowed from your eyes.

“y/n…”

“tell me! why don’t you want me to know?!” you accused him, looking over at the man driving as he but his lower lip. “1 in 4 women who experience bleeding during a pregnancy are fine. 25 percent. the other 75 percent of people have either a miscarriage or serious complications. those are the statistics.”

“y/n…” he sighed, “it’s not your fault. you didn’t want this to happen. besides, there’s still a 25 percent chance that nothings wrong.”

“whatever,” you rolled your eyes and opted to look out of the window for the remainder of the drive to the hospital.

-

“alright,” the doctor entered the room. “we have the results from the test and we’ve examined the ultrasound pictures. i’m so sorry, but you’ve had a miscarriage.”

what were you supposed to feel? an overwhelming sense of sorrow? like a failure? like the one thing you wanted most in the world fell through?

“how-how did this happen?” you spoke through the tears. “we were so-we were careful. i didn’t lift heavy objects, i didn’t do repetitive motions, i just… we tried so hard to make this work,” you shook your head in disapproval, as if you wouldn’t accept the answer that had already been proven to you.

“there’s proof of an abortion when you were a teenager. there was severe damage done to your cervix that wasn’t assessed pre-pregnancy. now, we can repair the damage within the next two months, but it will still be difficult to become pregnant after the surgery,” the female informed you.

“then what’s the point of getting the surgery?” you scoffed, looking at spencer who was just staring off in space.

“while getting pregnant will still be difficult, maintaining the pregnancy is much more likely. the fetus would be more protected and secure after the surgery,” she explained with a pitiful smile, you couldn’t help but wonder how she could smile after giving you the worst news of your life.

“right,” you nodded curtly, allowing her to sense the mood of the conversation.

“i’ll leave you two be. i’m so sorry for your loss,” she gave the both of you a pitiful smile before exiting the room, the only sound audible being the closing of the door.

it didn’t feel real. it felt as though you were in a nightmare. only this time, you wouldn’t wake in spencer’s comforting arms. you wouldn’t hear the soft soothing voice of the man you love trying to calm you down. you wouldn’t feel the solace he would provide by merely being himself in your proximity.

the drive home was eerily quiet. there was an inkling of animosity between you. looking over at spencer in the driver’s seat, he had a dead look on his face, the only sign of previous emotion being his red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks. he didn’t even look like your spencer. he looked like a stranger in the drivers seat with a cold expression that you could barely read.

you knew this was something you should talk about. when the nurse came back in the room it was only to offer a few referrals go therapists that specialized in this kind of grief. clearly, any couple should talk about losing an unborn baby. but you knew that’s not what spencer was truly upset about.

you waited until you shut the door to your apartment before saying anything.

“maybe we should talk about it?” you whispered, not knowing how he’d react.

“about what? the fact that you’ve lied to me for our entire relationship?!” he wouldn’t even turn around to face you. “i thought we were in this together, y/n. we aren’t supposed to keep secrets from each other - especially not any that just killed our child!”

“hey…” you winced at his words. “why would you say that?”

“that’s the truth! your choices when you were a teenager just killed our child! my child!” he finally turned to face you, and you wished he hadn’t.

“do you think i knew they would botch my abortion, spencer?! do you think that’s what i wanted?!” you stepped closer to him, he sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“i don’t know what you want anymore, y/n,” he shook his head, clearly exasperated.

“i want you. i want to get the surgery to fix my cervix. i want to grieve our child. i still want kids… with you, spencer,” you tried to ease the mood, calm him down. you reached your hand out to cup his cheek before he dodged your touch, afraid of touching you. “but you don’t want that?” you whispered so quiet, too afraid of the answer to raise your voice.

“i-“ he sighed and bit his lower lip. “i don’t know.”

“right. of course you don’t,” you shook your head before sitting on the couch, dropping your face in your hands.

“what’s that supposed to mean?” he scoffed as he took off his coat.

“it means that: of course, you’re making this about you! it can’t be about us grieving our loss together like the doctor recommended?!” you peeked between your hands at the man you still didn’t recognize.

“maybe we shouldn’t grieve together since we can’t even have a conversation without getting angry at one another,” he tried to reason.

“the only reason i’m getting mad is because you’re blaming me for my baby’s death,” you spat back at the doctor before you.

“because it’s your fault!” he stood strong in his belief. “when you were a teenager, did you or did you not have an abortion?”

“i did,” you admitted.

“and the nurse said that in said abortion, they screwed your cervix up! if you didn’t have that abortion, our child would still be alive! we would be on our way to become happy parents!” he accused, rubbing salt in the already stinging wound. “it’s your fucking fault!”

“stop saying that,” you shook your head and dropped it back in your hands, trying to hide the tears that began to flow down your face.

“it is, y/n! i can’t believe you’re even trying to say this isn’t!” he chuckled, clearly getting under your skin.

“shut up, spencer!”

“i can’t, y/n!” he sat in the chair across from you before standing back up, too hyper to sit. “no wonder it was so hard for you to get pregnant.”

“spencer,” you begged him to stop, meeting his face with your teary eyes.

“y/n,” he stared you in the eyes, and you saw a glimpse of the man you loved for a second before he retreated to the bedroom.

you sat on the couch in confusion of what had just occurred.

when you were 15, you’re boyfriend was adamant about taking your relationship “to the next step.” you didn’t think you were ready to have sex, but you wanted him to stay with you. so, you gave in. it just so happened to be that you were one of the lucky girls that ends up getting pregnant her first time in spite of birth control and a condom. you couldn’t tell your mom about your pregnancy, she’d have your head on a pole.

so, you earned enough money from your job to get an abortion yourself. you went to a clinic and had your boyfriend’s mom come with you to sign as your guardian. was it smart to get an abortion that cheap? probably not. but you had no other choice. your mom had made it abundantly clear that if she caught you fooling around with him that she’d kick you out.

you were 15. you were young and still had to finish high school. there was no support system for you. you would’ve been on the streets with a little baby - not to mention the amount of debt you’d go into for just giving birth to a child in a hospital. it was the only choice.

and now you were being berated for making the only choice you even had - and by the person you loved most in the world.

you curled into yourself on the couch, laying your head on the arm and crying into the fabric. you released all of the tension and turmoil. you held onto the cushions as if it were the man that you wanted - no, needed to comfort you. because as much as you’d hate to admit it and try to fight those thoughts, part of you thought that spencer was right. it was your fault.

you fell asleep on the couch that night. you didn’t have the strength to get up to grab a blanket so you just sucked it up.

spencer didn’t sleep at all. he was used to having you curled into his chest, or himself on yours. he felt terrible about how he had talked to you, but he was too stubborn to admit anything just yet.

in the middle of the night he went out of the room to grab a glass of water. he saw you curled up in a ball, you head resting on the arm of the couch as you slept. it was the most peaceful you looked in the past 24 hours. but you began shivering as you slept. you were probably too exhausted to get up to do anything.

he went to the hall closet on a detour and grabbed your favorite, soft blanket and laid it on top of your body. after placing a soft kiss on your forehead, he went into the kitchen and made his glass of water before taking one more glance at you. you had snuggled into the blanket, pulling it up to your chin with a gentle smile that always appeared when he kissed your forehead as you slept.

maybe he didn’t screw up too badly, after all.

the next few days were spent avoiding one another. spencer couldn’t face you after knowing you had kept something so dire from him for the entirety of your relationship. you couldn’t face him after he made you feel as though it was your fault you lost your baby.

you would stay on the couch all day, barely eating or drinking anything while spencer would go out - only mentioning the library or the office to do more paperwork. eventually he just started sleeping at morgan’s house - probably because he couldn’t stand being around you.

you didn’t know how to grieve your baby, you were hoping that spencer might help, but that clearly won’t be happening. on top of that, you were worrying about your marriage. he couldn’t even look at you, how was he supposed to talk to you and sleep beside you?

a lot of times, it’s perceived that the only reason women were put on this planet were to have children - of course that’s a false notion, but it didn’t make it sting any less. your body had betrayed you. you had betrayed yourself.

it was only 12 days after spencer left when he came back home, if he could call it that anymore. once he walked into the living room, he saw you curled up in that same position on the couch. you had a blank stare that was directed towards the black tv. the only evidence that you were doing something was the empty water bottles surrounding you - certainly not enough considering he’d been gone for over a week.

when he entered you didn’t even flinch. your gaze stayed on the empty screen and your face remained vacant of any emotion.

in all honesty, morgan was the one to tell spencer he should check on you. spencer hadn’t told him everything about your argument, he knew he was in the wrong. but he was just so angry. regardless, he was here now, and it’s a good thing he was.

you hadn’t been taking care of yourself. spencer had morgan and savannah checking on him, but you had nobody. he only realized this when morgan pointed it out. and as upset as he was, spencer would always love you. your expressionless face only worried him more. your clothes had been changed from when he last saw you, but he doubts you’ve had a shower.

he stayed silent as he began picking up the empty water bottles from around the table and couch. you looked at him quizzically with furrowed brows.

“what’re you doing?” you asked, your chin already quivering as tears threatened to stream down your face.

“i’m trying to help,” he whispered as sensitively as he could, making eye contact with the most pitiful face you’d ever seen.

“i think you’ve helped enough,” you rolled your eyes before resuming your serious stare-down with the television. “you can leave.”

“no, i can’t,” he replied, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch while being sure not to touch you - he didn’t know if you were ready for that.

“you already did,” you brought to his attention, briefly looking at him. “just go.”

“y/n, i-“

“i don’t want to hear it! what’re you gonna say that could make me feel worse, spencer?!” you let the tears fall past your waterline. “i know it’s my fault. i know i screwed up! and i’m sorry! i’m so sorry!” you replied with far too much sincerity, the tears streaming down your face before he scooted closer to you, planning on wrapping his arms around you. “stop! don’t come near me!” you pushed his shoulders away. “it’s my fault,” you lowered your voice significantly before wrapping your arms around yourself.

he had called emily as soon as he got back into the bedroom. he knew she had previously had an abortion when she was a teenager, and he just needed to hear her side of it. part of him didn’t even expect her to pick up the phone.

“reid, what’s wrong?” she immediately answered.

“i-i think i need to talk to you,” he whispered in a hushed tone.

“right now?” she asked in a mildly concerned tone.

“if you can? the sooner the better,” he answered honestly.

“alright. you want to meet somewhere or just come over?”

“can i just come over? it’s really personal and i wasn’t sure who else to go to,” he began tying his shoes and hoping she’d agree.

“of course, come on over,” she replied in a worried voice.

“ok. i’ll be there in twenty.”

he quietly left the apartment, not before sparing you a regretful glance. he lost his child, but you also lost your child as well. he just couldn’t control his anger. and partially, he thought he was right.

how could you not have told him about something so serious? the second you had began having issues getting pregnant, maybe you should’ve been open about previous pregnancies.

“hey,” emily greeted before giving him a hug after seeing his teary eyes. “come inside.”

“thanks,” he sniffled before stepping into her apartment.

she guided him into her living room and sat down on the couch beside him. they sat there for a few silent minutes before he was able to work up enough courage.

“y/n was pregnant,” he whispered, barely audible if she weren’t right beside him.

“was,” she pointed out, already feeling as though she knew the rest of the story.

“she uhm-she miscarried two weeks ago,” he somberly admitted for the first time to someone else. “the doctor said it was because she had an abortion when she was a teenager that somehow ruined her cervix.”

“and that’s why you felt like you needed to talk to me?” she gathered, she was a great profiler for a reason but this was far more obvious.

“i was pretty harsh. i-i told her it was her fault,” he bit his lower lip as he grimaced. “i really rubbed it in, too.”

“spencer… “ she sighed, taking a deep breath before continuing. “you’re mourning a life, right now. obviously, that would raise tensions and emotions would be heightened. but… have you apologized? for telling her it was her fault?”

“no?” he replied after thinking about it. “i was going to do that today but she’s… she’s not in good shape. i’m not saying she needs to be perfect, but while i was at derek’s i can tell she didn’t take care of herself. she barely drank any water.”

“did you ask her why she had an abortion? why she didn’t tell you? did you ask her anything about how she’s feeling?” emily asked once more.

“no,” he cowered down, feeling even worse about the truthful answer. “i was just… selfish. i didn’t think about how she’s feeling. i just-i feel so bad now, seeing what state she’s in.”

“when i got an abortion it was because i wasn’t ready for a child,” she began to inform him. “i was a child, myself. how was a child supposed to take care of another one? my mother would’ve been disgraced. i basically had nobody there for me. i kept it a secret because having an abortion is so controversial. i knew people would look at me differently for making a responsible decision for my future.”

“god, i feel so bad,” he began to tear up himself. “i love her so much and i told her these horrible things.”

“make it right, spencer,” she gave him a supportive smile and pat his thigh before he stood up.

“i-i have to go,” he wiped the tears from his face before giving emily a hug, grateful she would listen to him at such an ungodly hour.

he quickly drove back home, where he decidedly belonged in the first place. he never should’ve left home. he never should’ve left you. you were his home, and he didn’t know how he could possibly lose sight of that.

“y/n,” he cooed as he entered the apartment once more. it was noticeably a bit more clean. the trash was taken out, the dishes were done, and your hair was wet from a shower - he assumed. “hey,” he smiled when he saw you sitting on the bed, cheeks still red and tear-stained with red, puffy eyes.

“hi,” you sighed as you brushed your hair, spencer sat down beside you.

“how’re you feeling?” you shrugged. “i need to apologize to you,” he admitted, placing a hand on your thigh. “i’m so, so sorry for what i said. telling you that it’s your fault that we lost our child… i-there’s no excuse. i was clearly upset, but so were you. what i said was so out of line, and i’ll never be able to express how sorry i am to you.”

“you’re right,” you shrugged. “it was my fault.”

“no,” he rubbed his thumb on your skin. “it was not your fault. i’m so sorry i made you believe that.”

“when i was 15 my boyfriend at the time pressured me to have sex. we used a condom and i was in birth control but i still-i still ended up pregnant,” you began, taking a deep breath before continuing. “i couldn’t tell my mom because she would’ve kicked me out, so i saved up some money and had his mom take me to a cheap clinic. she signed as my mom and i got the procedure done. that was the end of it,” you finished tears streaming down your face. “a few weeks after the procedure i started having pains in like my lower back, but i didn’t think anything of it. so… it is my fault. i shouldn’t have gone to a cheap clinic, but i couldn’t live on the streets with a baby and no way to clothe or feed them.”

“y/n,” he got your attention, wiping the tears from your cheeks. “you were a teenager who had no other choice, love. it’s not your fault, it’s the clinic’s.”

“i just… it hurts so bad, spencer,” you shook your head in defeat before he wrapped his arms around you. “not even just emotionally, my body physically hurts so bad. i don’t know what to do and i thought i lost you and i didn’t know what i would do without you because i didn’t think you loved me anymore because it’s my fault,” you ranted out, sobbing into his shoulder before he moved the two of you around the bed to lay down, you on his chest.

“i’m so sorry you had to go through that, and that you’re still dealing with the repercussions,” he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “but know that i’m not leaving you. i love you and nothing will ever change that.”

“there’s nothing we can do now,” you whined, clutching to his shirt as if he’d disappear once more.

“we can go to the recommended therapy. we can get that surgery to fix your cervix,” he reminded you, rubbing circles onto your back as you sniffled. “then, if you’d like, we could try again for a baby.”

“so you still want to be with me?” you whispered by his ear, clearly worried of the answer.

“of course i do,” he said as if there were no other option; there wasn’t. “i’m so, so sorry, love.”

“the reason i didn’t tell you is because,” you sighed as you shuffled on top of spencer, now sitting on his lap and facing him. “because there’s this stigma that comes with having an abortion - and i didn’t know how you’d react. i also didn’t know it didn’t go well in the first place, but that’s a different story,” you chuckled. “i’m sorry. i should’ve told you about something so serious.”

“you don’t have to apologize,” he brushed a strand of hair from your face. “that was from your past. this is our future, we shouldn’t get caught up on it and allow it to ruin this.”

you nodded, “you’re right. are-are you staying here, now? or are you going back to derek’s?” there was an obvious look of hope in your eye that spencer never planned on squashing.

“i’m staying here,” he smiled. “home. you’re my home.”

“you’re so cheesy,” you rolled your eyes as a laugh left your lips.

“i’ve missed your smile,” he pressed a kiss to those very lips, your smile not going away but growing even bigger.

“i’ve missed you,” you pointed at his chest. “please don’t leave again.”

“i won’t. ever again,” you held your pinky out, he smiled and wrapped his own around it. “i’m so sorry.”

“we’ll work at it,” you sighed. “we’ll build back the trust and fix my stupid cervix and then maybe try again for a baby.”

over the next few months spencer and you had been going to therapy once a week, mourning the loss of your baby and working through your other issues.

five months after you found out about the miscarriage, you had the surgery to fix your cervix.

one year after you fixed your cervix you and spencer began talking about having a child. you were extremely nervous, rightfully so. you voiced your concerns to spencer about what if the surgery didn’t work? what if your cervix wasn’t the only issue? and he replied by reminding you that you would both take this one step at a time.

seven months after having the conversation with spencer about having children, a miracle had caught up to you.

you were pregnant.

taglist:

@averyhotchner

@greenprisca

@muffin-cup

@spenxerslut

@spencerreid9

@spencyreidpls

@spencerreid9

@spencersmagic

@calm-and-doctor

@the-local-pendeja

@spencersrose

@spencersmagic

@shemarmooresfedora

@pastelbabygirl19

if you’d like to be added to the taglist, please don’t hesitate to message me or leave a comment!

#tw pregnancy #tw miscarriage #tw abortion #tw abortion mention #tw depressive thoughts #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer #spencer reid angst #spencer reid comfort

[jeniyona-ame]

hii<3 i rly like your scaramouche Story.. and if this is okay i wanna ask for scara x reader where reader is rich maiden from fountain but she was on run away because her dad forced her to married someone for business. reader then run away to inazuma cuz inazuma being the closed nation might help her for getting caught. reader meets scara under a sakura tree where scara is just trying to calm down from his stupid subordinate. reader drawn to how scara is so straight forward and never sugarcoat his words while scara is touched by her kindness cuz around her she is not fatui, harbinger, or a doll of someshort but just being himself as a person. later tho after a month or so when scara mission come to end he try to meet reader but to find out reader never going to their meeting point anymore because reader was found by her dad. the rest is up to u. and im so sorry if its too spesific, this is my first time requesting. also u can ignore this too if you want! i totally understand!! Have a great day!!!

thank you for requesting this in and oh my god this is long !! (▰˘◡˘▰) this will be a fem! reader if you don’t mind. im not very perfect when it comes to writing the reader gender neutral. and because this is so long, i’ll make a seperate part woohoo !!

i really dont wanna let you down but then again, i wrote this so late at night and i have school tom aaahh

NO FORGIVENESS- SCARAMOUCHE X READER (pt. 1)

The grand chamber is alight with the seething flames. You don your pale chemise and you seated over the chair before your vanity. The furniture is like no other. Like muted pink swirled with royal white. Stone of alabaster. You grace it wonderfully with the tips of your fingers. Then your hands curl to the wonderful curve of your brush, bringing it to your sweet hair and comb it all the way to the end, you start again to the scalp before sliding back down. 

A knock sounds behind you. You do not flinch and turn around.

“I want my time alone if you please. No servants at this hour should be awake.” you wait for a minute or two before the silence is destroyed again. “[Name]── er... It’s me, your father.”

You blink. “Then if it’s you... you may come in,” you say stilly. He does so, peering behind the doors. It seemed the man was troubled in his mind. “Father? You look so unslightly,” came a whisper. You stand, flipping your delicous hair to your back.

He settles on the edge of your bed, stretching the silk upon the great mattress. “I──I’m sorry. Father is sorry. There was no other way, I─” he did not know where his lips took him, so he closes them and makes another effort to say something. Anything sensible. You touch his hand, concern flings inside your hues. He’s looking at you, despaired.

“Is it something about work, Father? I don’t care at all about the cost. Nevermind that. As long as we’re together, Father. I’ll always be happy,” now your fingers squeeze his own considerably. He bawled into tears from the moment he met your genuine, naked gaze. “Please don’t be upset [Name], I only did it to save you,” he cried against his hands. “Don’t get angry, please promise me...” 

How could you? The way he looks at you like that. You’re eyes soften. “Tell me the truth, Father. I promise I won’t get angry.”

“Well, the news is viscous. I suppose I must tell you leastways. I don’t expect you to forgive me. It── after all, it can’t be forgiven, it just can’t.”

“Oh Father. You silly man,” you smile, a chaste kiss presses on his wet cheek. They become wet again. “I’m so sorry,” he sobs.

And then he tells you. Watching your face twist in dread. Your fist clench and your lips tighten. You become white in the face from the horrible announcement. It was too heavy for your heart. Beads of sadness start from your eyes and falls. You take your hand away form him. 

That contentment slips away from your face. You appeared dead. Very very pale. Your skin is shuddering cold. When you walk to the mirror, your feet couldn’t feel the floor. Oh you wish you could just forget.

“What have you done..?” you clap a palm to your lips. “Then,” you breathlessly murmured. “Then discard it. Tell him, I don’t love him Father. Tell him that.”

“I can’t [Name]. I can’t. He─ wants you. He said he wants you. Oh my daughter, what I did cannot be forgiven. Do you hate me now?” he makes a throaty sound. A throb quided inside your belly. 

“I do, Father. I really do hate you.”

Even your own protecter, who you kept dearly in your heart. How could he betray you like this? Letting that water go, you drown yourself in tears. Choking in short breaths.

And that night, you were restless. The pillow underneath you is drenched from slipping tears. Your hair stuck to your face and you pull it away. You grab a pillow, hugged it tight. 

Another sob breaks from your mouth. And another one. And another one. Soon came gagging cries.

So much made your mind heavy you couldn’t think straight. There was no reverence. None. Even sanity is beginning to become your ultimate traitor. Devise a plan and escape, was all you thought. Until morning arrives, the promises of tomorrow lays boldly in the air. 

And then you stop crying.

art !! 

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