#so i cant talk to a healthy person about anything

[fernlessbastard]

im the psychotic wilbur anon (forgot to note im paranoid schitzo and i see myself so much in him ANYWAYS) BUT CWILBUR BPD FOR THE WORLD. (< ALSO BPD.) hottest take is that him and quackity are bpd4bpd and a huge part of their relationship is a learning curve figuring out how to navigate communication with each other and each others splits and such. i also think that wilbur tends to black split on HIMSELF more often, and quackity tends to black split on OTHERS more often. i also think that wilbur white splitting on quackity would be a whole nother thing they have to deal with, with wilbur suddenly being like "you are literally god to me and the only person who loves and cares about and understands me you are the greatest human being alive please let me worship you i love you so much" and quackity just being like "woag dude" LIKE. also im so so so for real wilbur has so much paranoid schitzo swag i dont know how to explain that this man is fucking TEXTBOOK paranoia and he has so many paranoid anxiety habits that make me feel insane. i think he always makes sure to lock the door and check the lock like six times when he comes home and he cant sleep at night if hes alone in the house so he barely slept in paradise and didnt sleep right until he moved in with quackity, i think he has really severe paranoia about imposters and intruders and also barely slept and was constantly on high alert in pogtopia and he could only really sleep when quackity visited or if tommy or technoblade shared a mat with him, i think he also has delusions of grandeur that he has to deal with a lot and reality checking him can be really dangerous especially coupled with his bpd because he then SNAPS to black splitting on himself so hard he makes himself sick, ohhhh cwilbur my sickly man i adore you so sorry for being insane in your inbox

The first ask in question

(Ok so as a disclaimer obviously headcanons are personal and there's no wrong ones and you're valid for reading it this way)

With Wilbur I very much agree, but I don't see bpd in Quackity tbh. It more so looks like ADHD alongside shit like abandonment issues, being invalidated his entire life, being generally overworked and having no healthy outlet for his feelings, having trouble identifying said feelings in the first place, etc - all of which are very common in/characteristic of ADHD. I don't remember him ever splitting. His shitty love life makes sense with ADHD too - deficiency of dopamine makes it very easy to mistake the dopamine boost from "new person to talk to" for a crush (believe me). Hypersexuality is also common in ADHD, as well as emotional dysregulation, alexithymia (difficulty/inability to identify one's own emotions), overstimulation, shutdowns, etc, which can occasionally resemble splitting, but is very different, and works through exhaustion and frustration rather than delusions. Various types of paranoia as well as heightened irritability are also very common, especially when your senses are clouded by sensory/information/emotional overstimulation. And especially the splitting outwards part just doesn't sit right with me - maybe i missed a stream or sth but I haven't seen anything like that in him. Furthermore I'd actually say he generally points negative feelings/breakdowns etc inwards for the most part - and when ADHD is being pointed inwards it usually leads exactly to developing/heightening shit like paranoia, rejection sensitivity, hypersexuality, emotional dysregulation, alexithymia, etc. He can snap and isolate himself, but it's very different to splitting. ALSO - very important part - Quackity doesn't exhibit mania episodes. He occasionally exhibits the type of hyperactivity and excitement representative of ADHD, but it's never this state of delirium with feelings of grandeur, delusions, etc. Wilbur does exhibit mania episodes - pretty heavily at that - and the contrast makes it pretty apparent that Quackity's case is different.

THAT BEING SAID I don't have bpd, so for a perspective from someone who does, here's a rant from @octobre-ackedia: <<On so many levels, Quackity doesn't show bpd symptoms. Not all abandonment issues are borderline personality disorder. I don't think I need to say it, but bpd takes over the entire life of a person, it's not just trauma. And I don't really have much to elaborate on with the ask, mostly showing Wilbur's bpd traits but that's for an entirely different rant, and I need to chill out. Quackity doesn't black split on others. It was not shown a single time. He slowly loses trust in people, he builds walls, but that's not splitting. He doesn't start to irrationally hate everyone around himself, think that people are just cruel and bad, and more importantly don't care about him, suddenly becoming aggressive towards them. He backs off a little bit more with each disappointment in people around him, ending up not so much hating, as avoiding human relationships. And he doesn't have a favourite person, not even Slime who was just so perfectly there to be an example of that. Quackity learnt how to trust the guy, building a friendship, but never became truly "obsessed" with him. He grieved his death, tried to save him, but FFS, that's not a favourite person, that's how human relationships work (or more so, hybrid relationships haha). He doesn't get manic. You could say he becomes strongly confident, hypersexual or overworking himself, but the important part in it is the reasoning. He doesn't start believing he is some sort of a saviour for the world and can build a perfect country, or that he doesn't need anyone for that. He starts a project and might go overboard with it, but it's never this... aggressive as with bpd. With the 9 most visible symptoms, he has maybe 3 of them, which are all clear reactions to specific situations. Unstable relationships? Schlatt became an abuser, Karl and Sapnap abandoned him, he never really influenced any of that happening. The abandonment issues and feeling of emptiness are simple reactions to that trauma. His moves are calculated, he doesn't really show any mood swings, he has a quite clear image of himself, he doesn't experience any suicide ideation or shows extreme examples of self harm/putting himself in danger. And what about the part of splitting when he pushes people away after getting scared of becoming too close? He always stays, in the end. Even when he tried so hard not to get attached to Slime. Where's the white splitting? Where's anything, really. I still stand with the headcanon of them having to navigate a hard relationship, with both of them experiencing severe mental issues, but it's not bpd4bpd. Q is my depressed ADHD bitch, who struggles with trauma.>>

Also I'd say Wilbur's heavily autism coded too - as a bonus it does frequently "strengthen" bpd cause of the type of trauma autistic people experience. Q I see as very much ADHD but I also low-key hc him as somewhere on the spectrum too, though I'm not as heavily set on that

Tldr while Wilbur absolutely clearly has some severe mental issues, Quackity's seem (to me at least) to be more easily and consistently explainable by a combination of ADHD (maybe low support needs autism) and some (pretty damn severe (canonically - looking mainly at all the abandonment + sa hints)) trauma

#sorry 4 the rant brain nervous system mental health and all that (especially the bio/chem/phis view of it) are a HEAVY hyperfixation of mine #like I'm literally in uni for that-- #not saying what major exactly (sorry that's personal) but yeah that whole shebang #tntduo #tnt duo #quackbur headcanons #dreamsmp #dream smp #quakity #c!tnt duo #c!tntduo #c!wilbur #c!quackity #c!q #c!quackbur #quackbur #c!wilbursoot #revivebur #revivedbur #fernless writing #dsmp #tntblr #dsmp w #dsmp wilbur #dsmp quackity #adhd #bpd #actually bpd #actually adhd #autism

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying #shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl #in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated #bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not #her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet #so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive #personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd #compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from #happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is #like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil #not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am #barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me #and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them #but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and #thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard #to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds #nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of #brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but #that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer #defying the stats but for how much longer? #i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it #i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else #excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things #unrelated #ed mention #i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama #bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]

[scattered-winter]

.

#the worst part about all this is that i Literally saw her 2 weeks ago. we didnt have time to talk we just said hi and went our separate ways #i never even got to say goodbye to her. #and i didnt even know i needed to because this was all so fucking sudden. she was my age. healthy. etc #life is really fucking fragile huh. like it can be gone just like that. #im sorry im just. #i was super close with her mom too and i want to idk. text her or something. but what the fuck can i even say?? #and my other friends in that friend group are all unavailable rn for one reason or another #like. no contact in another country kind of unavailable #so im just. do they even know. has anyone told them. or will they find out when they come back. #i still cant even wrap my head around it tbh. its just. she was alive this morning. she was alive. this morning. #hh. anyway. #i called my sister and cried to her a little bit which was nice. but fuck i really really wish i could hug her right now #or cuddle my dog. literally anything. #im going to be such a fucking mess tomorrow oh my god #i dont even want to go to sleep tonight because if i see her in my dreams im going to fucking lose it #i dont know. i dont fucking know. #winter speaks #personal #tw death #grief tag #<- i fucking guess. i might be venting more in the next few weeks so ill at least make it easy to blacklist

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

#im seeing a new psychiatrist next week. #&when i prep for specifically these types of appts its really important for me to like. sit. w myself. &bleed lmao. #metaphorically. of course. lmao. #but its a process thats important to me bc like. i dont. want to go into an appt like this unsure about my goals #&ESP unsure about what about me i. dont want. to give up. defective or not. something can only be a mistake if it isnt useful. #whether its a cause or effect or nature or nurture doesnt matter in the end. theory isnt relevant when talking about actual impact #except for comparison which is ultimately the goal w these periods: me now vs me post-intake lmao. what makes me. idk. me? #what cant i live without? what cant i live with? what am i willing to have diagnosed&dissected&medicated? #the new doc is bc this Bad mania stint has been. bad. lmao. &it isnt making it easy to see myself thru a lense #that isnt super fucked up&broken. idk if im thinking too highly of myself or being too self depricating. #idk if anything is worth keeping if the goal is supposed to be. settling? i dont think im made to settle lmao. #my physical health would probably be a lot easier to manage if i wasnt. oh. batshit insane. lmao. so i cant fault the hypothetical. #but also i dont think i was. made. to settle. lmao. the anxiety i get when my skin feels too tight is too big a part of me. #idk who i would be without the constant. hunger. lmao. #i feel absolutely everything in extremes. obsession is like. my default setting. its also what i operate best at. #both my fear&my hope is having that. disappear. having the intensity simmer down permanently. #i am. ravenous. lmao. i can never describe this constant. feeling. w/o referencing v specifically hunger. lmao. #i know it probably isn't like. healthy. lmao. but this feeling of. intensity. that makes up like the backbone of my whole personality. #when its gone i feel. nothing lmao. #maybe its bc ive overloaded myself so much that not feeling EVERYTHING feels like not feeling. anything. lmao. #maybe its bc i. dont want. to go back on lithium. #i dont like. who it makes me. or the fact that it comes out at times like these where its easier to knock me out than deal w me #so they inadvertantly make it impossible for me to do the evisceration i need to get myself back together. lmao. #also i just. dont like not feeling. lmao. #this glorification of coldness&apathy&individualism to the point of toxicity is so. boring. to me. lmao. #i dont want to not feel. i would rather feel everything than nothing. i would keep my obsessive personality&my obnoxious intensity #if it was a choice between that or floating in a constant state of half disassociation where it isnt even worth my time #to go out&find trouble&be my favourite type of selfdestructive. lmao. #im rambling&also being horrifically overdramatic lmao. if i survived one round of the stuff i can sure as fuck survive more. #... i just would prefer not to. lmao.

[pizzapizzadickz]

...

#infatuated #ah you look so good #diary #personal #...i really wanna see them and talk to them now. #theyre so cute. so so so cute. #i love them a lot. #they're like this cute precious thing to me. in a healthy way this time i think. #so cute so precious. im so happy just thinking about them being happy. i love their laugh their voice all their quirks they have. #so cute so precious. haha i cant even come up with anything better to say bc theyre just the definition of that. #idk. i know theyre not perfect. and maybe im or something. just obsessed. nothing more nothing less. #maybe i am. i worry about that a lot. i dont want them hurt by me. i feel like that'd kill me inside. #lmao god i feel so sad just thinking about that. if i hurt them or betrayed their trust itd hurt so much. #id feel like itd hurt a lot more than in the past. but maybe thats just because im in the present. #lmao im getting all sad bc of that. #but id like to hear their voice again. or hear them sing. i wanna see them. i love when theyre happy. #i love how they react when embarrassed or to compliments. they really are too cute for their own good. #its absolutely adorable i love them so much haha. i dont know how someone could be so cute. #i hope i do get to meet them. haha. i know id be so awkward though. i always am when im in person. #i can talk over text or call. but as soon as im in person i always freeze up. the things i think about get much worse #i worry theyll hate me or not like what i say. i always overthink that. always. #but i tend to warm up after a bit. after i relax and anxiety passes i go back to normal. #i feel like im so weird though sometimes. i worry i wont react well. or the way ppl want. #its hard chosing how to react. how to read expressions. #but theyre so cute. i wanna see their face. i wanna see all their expressions. so cute. really so cute. #they look so good too!!! so cute indeed. #ahhhh. i wanna insult myself in the same breath. i always do that. i say and will think 'unlike me' #i do that so much sometimes. whenever i get compliments or when they say they care i always feel empty. #its not that i dont believe their words. i believe in them. i just dont believe in me. #...in the end trash is always trash. and i always feel like that. used. discarded. broken.

[totally-normal-about-batman]

I think Bruce Wayne is a loving parent, but not a good one. He is a psychologically tormented person who never got over his trauma or developed any healthy coping mechanisms but he just keeps ending up with them and doesn’t really know what to do with the kids except what has always ‘worked for him’?

Like Dick’s parents die right in front of him and Bruce is just “hey kid, my parents died in front of me too. And you know what helped me? Punching bad guys.”

And Jason? He finds this kid stealing his tires and he’s not afraid of Batman. He doesn’t seem afraid of anything. He’s got a big heart and cares a lot about people, but no one cares about him. But he’s got a strong sense of justice So Bruce looks at the kid and goes, “hey kid, you seem lost. You know what helps me when I’m feeling lost? Punching bad guys.”

With tim it’s a little more complicated. Bc this kid showed up at his front door and put him in a corner (tim saved him) and Bruce went, “hey kid, you seem pretty good at this. I do encourage you to find a different extracurricular activity… but yes, you can punch bad guys with me.”

And with Damian it’s even more complicated but in simplest terms Bruce and Dick look at Damian and go, “hey kid, you seem like you have some issues and a weird moral compass. Do you know what makes me feel better? Punching bad guys.”

Like shit bruce I’m no expert but maybe some talk therapy or grief counselling might help. you cant just "punch bad guys to cope with your feelings" your way out of this one

#dick grayson #tim drake #jason todd #damian wayne #Batman #bruce wayne #batfam

[mrfoox]

I forget that it's fairly common to actually dislike traits which are not the same as yours and im: but why...

Anyone who's unlike me in some manner I 9/10 times have big interest and respect for

#Obviously if someone have shitty views or beliefs thats not what i mean as a disclaimer #But like... Im very emotional about everything. I find people who aren't very cool and i just want to understand them better #Talked with oliver some and hes very... Well kinda 0 bs type of person and he's not afraid to say things when hes upset or similar #Fpr me thats whack. I personally am a pushover and will basically try to appease everyone even if theyre assholes. Kill them with kindness #But hes not the way and im like... I cant imagine doing that myself but thats actually awesome I am impressed #In my country/culture the norm is kinda to take all shit you get from others and turm the other cheek etc bc we dony want to be a bother #So his way of thinking and well being is very alien in general where im from. I joked and said its probably from his finish side. Finish #People are bad ass and definitely have an stronger spine than us 😂 but like evrn with hobbies and interests i am thid way #I can and will sit down and listen to someone i like talk abojt their interests even if i dont personally care for it or am into it. I will #Still find it interesting to hear about though. Like fabian is an active gym goer atm and is trying to be veru healthy. That doesnt align #To me or anything i have any real interest in. But i gladly listen to him explain his gym stuff/experience etc #Our differences as people is honestly very cool and i wish more people could see that i guess #miranda talking shit

[backwzzds]

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ you done yet? choso (nsfw)

it doesn’t take much for your man to put your brat ass into place.

thinking about quiet goth!choso who doesn’t even have to say or do too much to put yo ass in place. you had a naturally dominant personality; you were energetic, and spoke your mind up very well—all the complete opposite of choso.

but when that man got you in the bedroom?

it was was weird. in all your past relationships, you never felt safe enough with anyone to fully flourish in your feminine side. you always had to be tense and on guard, hardly allowing yourself to really feel safe in the arms of your partner. wasn’t your fault anyways; none of your ex boyfriend’s made you feel secure enough to allow you to be the princess you were.

choso was the complete opposite. he was really quiet and barely said more than three words a day to anyone who wasn’t you, but it wasn’t because he was a pussy or anything; mans just didn’t have anything to say. he always spoke the most when it came to you, though. you two always had meaningful conversations when you were alone together, so much so that it was an ongoing joke in your friend group that you were the only one to ever hear what choso sounded like.

it’s not like it bothered you anyway, choso wasn’t friendly to other bitches and that’s all that mattered. if anyone dare tried to make a shot at him, he’d stare them down until they got uncomfortable. or, he’d give the classic got a girlfriend, not interested. go away.

you loved him for that.

so while he barely spoke publicly, that didn’t mean he didn’t speak with you. you’ve known choso long enough to pay attention to his social cues in public as well. you knew when he was annoyed of those around him, uncomfortable, and just wanting to go home with you. if you were purposely testing him, all he had to do was give you a look or whisper behave in your ear and you were ready to kneel like a bitch for that man!

something about choso made you feel so safe in his presence. you knew bookie carried around a lil armed piece on his persons at all times, but that was just an added plus as to why you felt so secure with him. he never masculinized or dehumanized you (outside of sexuality), never made you feel as if you were in some sort of struggle relationship, and he never made you fight for his love. whatever you wanted, you got. literally, figuratively, and sexually.

besides the fact that he towered over your already taller frame, choso just made you wanna melt into his arms every single time you were with him. you could talk about him for hours, how good he smells, the hidden tattoos that only you could actually see, the way his nose scrunches when he’d laugh at something stupid you’d said—you were so in love with that boy.

so in love that usually if a man were to tell you to behave, you’d bitch back and start an argument. you cant tell me what to do, nigga, you’d say with a roll of your eyes. but when you were in such a healthy relationship, all you could do was follow choso’s every order when he got you in that bedroom after telling you what to do.

“you done actin’ like a fool, mama? think those dudes had enough of your show, hm?” his grip on your neck was tight. but you couldn’t take him seriously. not when the only thing on your mind was him pounding into you in a few minutes. all you could do was give him a sloppy and hazy smile, lip gloss smudged all over your face from his nasty kisses earlier.

choso can’t help but smirk just as malevolently as he looked down at you. “you think i’m laughin? tell me what’s funny baby, ‘cos i wanna laugh too.”

you grin, showing your teeth. “nah, nothin’s funny papa. know you’re boutta fuck me up in a few minutes though.”

your man lets out a small chuckle as he yanks your dress down, tits spilling completely free. “yeah i’mma fuck somethin’ up alright. bend over.”

#lora’s fics! ೄྀ࿐ #choso x black!reader #choso x black reader #choso kamo x black reader #choso x reader #choso kamo x reader #choso #choso x chubby reader #choso kamo #choso smut #choso kamo smut #choso jjk #jjk choso #jjk x black reader #jjk x reader #jjk x chubby reader

[austinsastrology8991]

Uranus and why your life is a ShiT ShoW > URANUS IN Yer HOUSe <

Uranus in the FIrst - You are the most unpredictable little fuck-head that everyone loves. They always change > there clothes, there direction in life > their hair colour. they thrive in change unless you try to change them, they are the ones changing and dont you dare change them, thats all they have left ;( Uranus in the Second. - Crazy self esteem issues. these people think they are the greatest then the worst person, also same applies to their income because they dont think they are worth much, until they invest into bitcoin and think they will be the next warren buffet. honestly the only thing stable about you is the perception of your value changing. But they love change, something to look forward to i guess Uranus in the Third your brain and communication skills are kinda fucky you know that dont you. you always know how to say something shocking, and extremely good at changing the subject of a conversation, like you dont have to say much, but what you do say just made everyone go huh what the fuck you say? its amusing tho we appreciate you Uranus in the F4urth - Emotionally avoidant, dependent, and attached personalities. They cant make their mind up on how they feel, so they experiemnt with every feeling to see if they vibe with that. mum was probably very unpredictable, and they wanna be like her. they just trying their best to forgive her <3 Uranus in the Fifth - Okay this one is the genius. This one people actually think your onto something when your showing off because you break free of every social convention, and archetype, but in the most perfect way. everyone believes your special, and you can change the vibe of a room like dat Uranus in the Sixth - what a fkn mess your life is. I had this one friend who would have 10 different drinks in his room and he would drink each one sparingly (they were all warm too). he had some serious health issues, and lets not get into his mental health okay. but yall have crazy lives and you make it that way Uranus in the Seventh - Im not a player i just fuck a lot. they choose their partners based off how interesting they are, if you can satiate their curiosity you got em. but if your boring or not worth figuring out yeah g-bye. also they just come off strange so everyone is extremely curious. they get projected on a lot but they dont mind its a good way to find out something interesting lol Uranus in the Eighth - Freaks who will do anything.... and im not just talking about sex, if they want something they'll find any way to get it. masters of attainment, even if its probably not healthy for them, they don't care if they want it they get it. then the object of their fixation changes as soon as they do get it. they are like obsessed with 'progress' but its hard to call it that sometimes Uranus in the Ninth - Clever minds who are always skipping segments of a speech, or a video to find the juicy parts. They have very quick minds that are so easily bored, but if you talk to them, they'll never not have something interesting to talk about. also when change does occur its a LOt Uranus in the Tenth - why are yalll like this. just baffling people like they know how to make an entrance and when everyone starts loooking at them, they decide to make fun of everyone by doing something a lil bit too shocking, almosst making fun of you for looking at them. gets off on shocking ya Uranus in the Eleventh - They wanna change the world, but not in a way that is practical. until it is. They have a million friends because they have a knack for understanding people, but when you ask what they want or what scares them. it just makes you rethink why your even friends with them in the first place. 12 - your crazy. and its endearing but everyone is this close to calling the cops on you or locking you up in a psyche ward. maybe tone down your retardation. we all got something going on but you take it to a whole new level.

#astrology #astrology blog #astrology notes #astrology observations #astro community #astrology placements #astrology houses #house placements #uranus aspects #uranus #uranus through the houses

[entropys]

had a very enlightening and meaningful conversation about social media with my best friend today and i feel like that conversation was too good that i need to write a post about it sometime

#not now tho some other time when i feel like it #but im really glad we had this conversation #we also had another conversation about communication between us 2 and i feel like if i had a therapist they’d be proud of me for doing this #i am a person that cannot handle conflict whatsoever so me and my best friend actually never had a fight #which is.. not healthy i think since we’ve known each other for about 9 years now and have been close for 7 years #damn now that i think about wow.. i’ve known them since middle school and we’ve been besties since high school #but anyways yeah i told them that there’s absolutely no way we haven’t upset one another at some point but we both are kinda the same so we #dont say anything ever… and just keep being upset on our own then the other would keep making the same mistake bc they dont know #and its like a never ending cycle.. #and that bc we dont say anything whenever they upset me i keep thinking of all the other things they’ve done that upset me and drive myself #crazy.. and it got to the point where i need to do something about it or ill explode but i just CANT tell them what they did to upset me #i can’t do it i can’t handle it so i came up with a genius idea #every time they upset me i will write about it in my notes app like i always do and they’ll do the same #then we’ll have a day called confession day where we gather them all in a paper and exchange papers and never talk about it again 🫶 #bc then it’ll be like we both upset each other and we dont want to discuss it or have a fight so its just a way to let each other know #and i think it will help us grow closer and it will make being alive more bearable and i will enjoy their company even more #i know that we should maybe start discussing things at some point but baby steps im sure we’ll get there some day #anyways i really love my best friend im glad theyre alive im glad today happened #they had an accident recently and are currently recovering from an injury do u know how scared i was #im glad theyre here with me :’) gonna go cry and be sappy now goodnight #actually im gonna attempt to study i have 2 midterms tomorrow i did all this when i should be studying #but if i could repeat my day i wouldn’t change a thing #*

[scattered-winter]

I really wish my mom would just fucking. respect the fact that I have no desire to be religious and that I don't know if I ever will be because it feels like she's subtly trying to convince me to come back and idk. I just kinda wish she'd respect the fact that I don't want to have anything to do with it

#like. when i first left the church she encouraged me to go to therapy to Get Everything Worked Out and i did !! #i went to therapy. did all the work. took a look inside and went ''yep. still queer. still nonreligious'' #and left a more emotionally healthy + put together guy. #and when she asked me about it and i said i still was quite sure i didnt want to go to church #she was wringing her hands like ''oh...winter youre so twisted up and confused inside...you need to get all this figured out..'' #and for a while i TRIED. but eventually i put my foot down and was like. Mom. i am not confused. i am not twisted up inside. #and she looked pretty upset ans flabbergasted because HOW could HER KID possibly FALL AWAY from the church and become a HERETIC!?? #or something idk #so now we've reached a sort of impasse. where im semi happily living at home w them and not having to do religious shit #and she lets me. but idk she always brings up god and church and shit in conversation #and i dont even think she's TRYING to !! its just a really big part of her life and its important to her #so she tries to use it to comfort me or whatever. but it falls flat because its not important to Me. and she just cant comprehend that. #and idk. idk #im just rambling at this point but i also feel like. i cant really be the person i am around my family #because she's pulled me aside and made me promise i wouldnt do or say anything that could Lead My Siblings Astray #so i cant really talk about queerness. or my own experiences as a queer person. or how people should be able to choose for themselves #what they believe in. #and since im living in their house when im old enough to not be im afraid that if i break the rule she'll kick me out #and i do NOT have the money for my own place rn #and throughout it all there's this underlying feeling that she doesnt want my siblings to Be Like Me #which only reinforces the feeling ive had all my life of being the family black sheep. lol #anyway. sundays are particularly shitty in this regard because theyre Church Days. #so idk. im just thinking out loud rn #winter speaks #personal

[justmeinadaze]

I Miss The Misery (Steve X You)

"Just know that I'll make you hurt

(I miss the lies and the pain what you did to me)

When you tell me you'll make it worse

(I'd rather fight all night than watch the TV)

I hate that feeling inside

You tell me how hard you'll try

But when we're at our worst

I miss the misery."

A/N: From my previous post, I mentioned I've been feeling some type of way and every time I hear this song I think of mean Steve every time.

Warnings: Mean, Toxic Steve X Fem Slightly Toxic Y/N, SMUT of the rougher variety, public sex (bathroom, office), daddy kink (cause im me), smacking, choking, degrading (brat, whore), ANGST, some gas lighting from Stevie, he's definitely not a good guy, cheating (mentions of him cheating on her; reader cheats on bf), she talks about how his behavior excites her sexually but she's aware of how toxic that kind of thinking is. I think that's all.

Kind of inspired by an ex I had and the way he treated me. He bounced off of each other negatively and I remember telling my therapist that I thought the reason I kept going back to him was because "at least I feel something." I haven't seen him in 4 years so Yay for healthy relationships! :)

Doesn't mean we cant enjoy some toxic smut with Steve Harrington.

Word Count: 6317

“Hey, honey. Rough day?”, you coo at your boyfriend as he comes through the front door with a heavy elongated sigh. 

“Yeah. These assholes that bought our company are changing everything and it’s starting to piss me off.”, he grumbles while taking a seat at the dinner table as you crawl into his lap and kiss his temple. 

“You should say something. Tell your boss you’re sick of the changes and the disrespect. They need you and your team, baby.”

“Naw.”, he gently smiles as he hugs you tighter. “It’s fine. I’ll get over it.”

Smothering your own frustrated sigh, you grin as you kiss his lips before heading back to the kitchen to finish the meal you were making. You never understood your boyfriend’s passive aggression when it came to most things. Any time anything bothered him, he’d vent and stomp his feet but in the end, he did nothing. 

You had never dated a man like him before. Most of your past boyfriends were toxic to say the least but what they didn’t know was you were always trying to recreate a feeling someone from your past gave you. The feeling of being desperately needed to the point that they would break down a door to be with you. That passion that followed jealously or a fight that they most likely started but you definitely instigated. That feeling of being…alive. When you couldn’t find it in anyone else, you decided it was best to move on to something healthier. 

Jacob was a good person who doted on you hand and foot. If you had a bad day, he would hold you and if you just needed someone to talk to he was more than accommodating. When you two fought, if you could call it that, you could scream and be mean and all he would do is sigh and say things like “I understand why you would feel that way. I’ll try and be better.” When you two were intimate, he was incredibly vanilla, only ever being sexual in bed and usually missionary. The few times you tried to explain what you wanted, he never seemed to understand. 

“You want me to hurt you??”

“No…not exactly. I just want you to be…rougher. SHOW me how much you love me. MAKE me feel it.”

“You don’t think I show you enough how much I care about you?”

“No! I mean yes…I mean…Gah! Never mind.”

 “What’s, uh, what’s the name of the company that bought yours again?”, you ask as you grab a beer bottle from the fridge and pop it open. 

“Actually, babe, I was going to tell you. I did some research on them and it seems they originated in your hometown Hawkins. It’s a company called Harrington & Co.” The sound of glass shattering causes Jacob to jump up and immediately run to the kitchen where he finds you wide eyed with beer now swimming around your feet. “Oh my god. Are you okay?! Don’t move, you don’t have shoes. Let me clean this for you.”

“Harrington? Like Bill Harrington?”

“Yeah! I was going to ask if you knew them.”, he continues as he kneels down and begins to clean broken glass before wiping at the liquid. “Supposedly, from what I read, Bill Harrington retired and left it to his son Steven. Did you know him? He’s about your age.”

“Where the fuck have you been?!”

“What do you care, sire?! I’m not your fucking girlfriend remember?”

“That doesn’t stop you from coming to my house at fucking 2 am begging to ride my dick!”

Your hand flew across his face, his angry eyes glaring into yours when his head reels back. As you swing your arm to hit him again, his large palm catches your wrist and roughly pulls you to his chest.

“Let me go.”, you growl.

Leaning forward, his lips hover just above your own, feeling the slight wind of your heavy exhales that come from your nose.

“Make me.”

“No, I didn’t know him.”

#############

Sighing, you take shaky, anxious steps towards your boyfriend’s office building. When Jacob called saying he forgot his lunch, you debated on telling him you were busy with work stuff of your own before finally deciding to bring him his food. 

He owns the building. It’s not like he’s going to actually be in it 24/7. Plus, if he was he would definitely be on a different floor.

“Hey sweetie. Oh! Thank you so much.”, he grins as he kisses your cheek. “Do you want to sit with me while I eat? We can share or I can buy you something.”

“Yeah, sure. I’m not hungry but I can sit with you.”

Holding your hand, he walked with you to the building cafeteria and like any good girlfriend, you sat next to him listening to him tell you about the long trials and tribulations of his day. You smiled, nodding where you were supposed to and frowning at things he seemed annoyed with. After thirty minutes of his hour lunch, you desperately needed a break. 

“I’m going to go get a drink. I’ll be right back.”

Jacob smiled as you tilted down to kiss him before turning to head towards the area with drinks and food. As you stood there staring into the void of soda options, a strong cologne smell hit your nose that had you dizzy as your eyes fluttered closed. You’d know that smell anywhere, inhaling it so many times in the past. 

Steve smiles as he watches you walk around his room in one of his polos that hangs down your body like a nightgown, just barely covering the love bites and bruises from his fingers that were starting to form on your thighs. Lifting an expensive looking glass bottle to your nose, you grin to yourself as you inhale and put it back down. 

“I love the way that stuff smells.”

“Yeah. My dad says it’s a good smell for ‘classy men’.”, he chuckles.

“Hm. I guess he doesn’t know you very well.”

“Fuck you. I’m classy.”, Steve teases as his grin grows, yanking your arm so you fall on top of him as he folds his hands together behind your lower back. “Classy enough to land a pretty girl like you.”

“Y/N?” 

As you turn your head, your eyes lock with his slightly stunned honey-colored irises as they scan you up and down. You begin to feel slightly self-conscious in your leggings and regular t-shirt compared to his slick black suit and well styled hair.

“Holy shit. What…What are you doing here? Do you work here?”, Steve asks.

“Uh, no. My, uh, my boyfriend actually does.” You turn and point to where he was nonchalantly eating, not even looking in your direction. “What are you doing here?”

“My dad followed through and gave me his company. We finally expanded out of Hawkins so I bought this place.”

“Yeah, I heard. Congratulations.” His eyes continue to rake over you making you more and more anxious the longer you stood there. “Well, I better get back before his hour ends.”

A shiver ran up your spine as his hand reached out to grab your arm. 

“Wait. I’d like to talk to you some more and catch up. Do you want to meet me for dinner? I’m free tonight if you are.”

“Steve… I’m with someone. I can’t have dinner or anything else with an ex or whatever the fuck we were. I’m happy now.”

The smirk that painted his beautiful lips startled you as you stood up straighter.

“Oh your happy, huh? You should tell that to your face. That guy’s your boyfriend? Guy barely seems like he can get it up let alone satisfy a woman like you.”

“Define woman like me?”, you inquire sarcastically. 

“A strong, gorgeous woman who liked to be fucked hard and put in her place.” Steve’s eyes remain on you as your own widen as you look around hoping now one was close enough to hear his not-so-subtle tone. “Tell me, honey, does he know you called me Daddy? I imagine not because if you were my girl and I found out you ever called someone else that you wouldn’t be able to sit down for weeks.”

“Thank God, I’m not your fucking girl.”, you snarled. “You were never man enough to make that commitment.”

As you both stared daggers into each other’s eyes a sudden hand on your shoulder brings you back. 

“Baby, everything ok?”, your boyfriend asks way too calmly. 

“Yeah, Jacob, I’m fine. I was just introducing myself to the owner of your company.”

Steve’s eyes immediately softened as you watched him play the role he always played extremely well; charming and popular.

“Steve Harrington. Nice to meet you, Jacob. Y/N and I go way back.”

“Oh. I thought you said you didn’t know him, sweetie.”

Your ex’s eyes narrow in your direction in faux shock making you sigh in annoyance. 

“I didn’t know him. I knew OF him. Everyone knew who Steve ‘The Hair’ Harrington was. Unfortunately, I wasn’t popular enough to penetrate his circle.”

“Hm, but I was to penetrate yours.”, he sassed with an arrogant confidence that just made you angry. 

“Nice seeing you again, Harrington. Come on, baby.”

Steve watches you both walk away with a determined gaze that you can feel burning into your back as you headed towards your table.

“He seems nice. What was he like in school? Do you remember?”

“You didn’t call me like you said you would.”

“I was busy, Y/N.”, he answers nonchalantly, not even meeting your eyes as he continues putting things in his locker. “I figured when you didn’t hear from me, you’d just fuck the next guy.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, seriously?! Steve, for some fucking reason I like you. I only want to be with you but it kills me when you don’t follow through with your promises. You say you’ll call and you don’t. You say we’ll go on an official date finally and then last minute you change plans but still call me to come over late at night so you can fuck me. It’s push and pull with you. You act like you want me but then you don’t. I can’t… I can’t keep waiting for you.”

Slamming his locker closed, he finally turns to face you with a look that said he really didn’t care. 

“Then don’t.”

“Yeah…I remember him. Steve Harrington was a complete asshole.”

##############

You managed to steer clear of Steve and anything having to do with him for a few months after your encounter with him until you couldn’t anymore.

“Baby, it’s an office party. Come on, we have to go.”

“Then go, Jacob, but I’d rather just stay here.”

“Y/N, you’re my girlfriend and this is important to me. Everyone I know will be there including clients. I want them to meet the woman I love.”

You can’t help but sigh at his statement from your place in the closet. You cared about your boyfriend, you genuinely did but love? That was big word with a big meaning. 

“FUCK YOU!”, you shout as you run out into the hallway and yank your arm away from Steve as he tries to stop you while buckling up his pants. “I’m so stupid. DON’T fucking touch me.”

Growling, he pushed you into another empty room and closed the door behind him as he continued to put his clothes back on. 

“Lower your fucking voice—”

“Yeah, wouldn’t want the entire party to know what an asshole you really are!” His hand tries to block your mouth but you angrily swat him away causing him to back up and hold his hands up defensively. “You TOLD ME that we could make this serious. That we would finally have a REAL relationship and then I find you here fucking Lori! Are you kidding me?”

“Y/N, I—”

“I told you I loved you, Steve. I’ve never said that to anyone!” Tears started to fall down your face as you hugged your arms around your body. “You’re never going to claim me, are you? You’re never going to call me your girlfriend. I was just another fuck buddy, wasn’t I?”

When he doesn’t respond, you shove his chest hard. 

“ANSWER ME!”

“YES! YES, OKAY?! Excuse me for not wanting to fucking hurt you. You knew what this was, honey. Its…It’s not my fault…you caught feelings.”

That night you ran. You told your parents you loved them, packed a small bag, and left Hawkins to Indianapolis swearing to yourself that this would never happen again. Ever since that night, you had been so numb to most emotions but especially ones that included romance. 

“Ok. Let me get ready and I’ll meet you downstairs. 

***

If you ran into Steve Harrington again, this time you would be ready. Wearing your shortest black dress and highest black heels, you strutted into Jacob’s office party with a demeanor that had everyone turning their heads. 

With a gigantic grin on his face, your boyfriend introduced you to people and showed you off the way you deserved. 

I should be enjoying this. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I be normal!?

“Hey, baby, I’m going to run to the restroom.” 

After giving him a sweet kiss, you powerwalk to the girl’s bathroom and lean over the sink as you stare at yourself in the mirror. 

What’s wrong with me?

The door abruptly opens making you jump as you quickly pretend to be washing hands until a familiar aroma grabs your attention. 

“Steve! What the fuck are you doing?! This is the girl’s bathroom!”

“Pfft like that ever stopped me before.” His eyes hungrily drank you in as you did the same. In high school he always dressed well but it was rare you saw him in suits. Now you imagined he wore them all the time and they accentuated his body in a way that had your mouth watering. 

“I was watching you around the party with your boyfriend. You seem…sad.”

“Well, I’m not.”

“Hm. Who are you trying to convince? Me or you?”

“Fuck off, Harrington. Alright? I left you and Hawkins for a reason. Just give me some peace.”

“Yeah, you did leave. You didn’t even say goodbye.”, he replied with an undertone of anger you couldn’t quite fathom. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. When should I have done that? While you were fucking the school slut or after you told me you didn’t love me.”

“I didn’t say that. I never said I didn’t love you.”

“PLEASE! You said I should have known what our relationship was and it wasn’t your fault I caught feelings for you! What was I supposed to take from that?!”

“Do you think my dad would have let us be together?! A rich Harrington with a poor Y/L/N? This isn’t a fairy tale, Y/N!”

“Of course! Steve Harrington, always looking out for himself!”

“What did you want me to do?!”

“I WANTED YOU TO FIGHT FOR ME!”

The bathroom door swings open again and you quickly grab his arm, shoving him into an empty stall as a group of girls gather at the sinks. As you listen to them talk, your head hangs as your brain swims in memories of the past. 

You never cared that he was a Harrington or that he had a ton of money attached to his name. Even though you two had a lot of bad moments, to you, the good always outweighed them. Steve always knew how to make you laugh and smile (when he showed up). He would come over on Friday nights with a movie and some food (because he didn’t want to risk you both being seen). At night when he would sneak through your window (at 1am), you would lay on his chest and talk about everything you both could think of (after he fucked you like a whore). 

Fingers gently lifted your chin, tilting your head so your eyes could meet his. As a tear fell down your cheek, he tenderly wiped it away with his thumb before cupping your face with his hands. You closed your eyes as his lips kissed your forehead, slowly trailing them down to your nose, and hovering just above your own.

Closing the distance, you pulled his mouth to yours as your palms slid down his back, trying to bring him closer to your body. 

You never forgot the taste of his kisses but you were grateful for the reminder. 

After forcing open your legs with his knee, your dress hiked up a bit allowing him easier access to your panty covered core as his hand effortlessly pressed the silky materiel against your clit. Biting your lip to stifle the moan, you felt him smile as his mouth latched on to your neck. Your eyes rolled as his tongue licked your skin and his fingers moved your underwear out of the way so he could guide two of them into your entrance.

Steve’s elbow locked in place as your knees started to buckle, holding you against the tile wall as you clung to his shoulders. It took every ounce of energy you had to remain quiet as his digits curled inside of you. The girls outside of the stall continued to gossip, completely unaware that the owner of their company was about to make their coworker’s girlfriend come undone.

Leaning back to look at you, the tip of his nose lightly grazed yours as your mouth fell open in a silent moan. Nodding his head, his beautiful eyes were begging you for something he needed you to say. Something he hadn’t heard since you left and you hadn’t said to anyone but him. 

“Please…Daddy.”, you mouthed and without hesitation he gripped the back of your neck, pulling your head to his shoulder as he pumped his fingers faster into your cunt.

The bathroom door banged shut as the women left and a loud moan you had been holding on to echoed through the room as you reached down to grip his wrist, trembling against him as you came. Yanking you back, he crashed his lips to yours as your tongues mingled together. 

“Please…please…”, you whimper as you push at his hand.

“It’s been a while, huh? Since you’ve had something big inside of you.”, he teased, grinning when your breathily laughed. “God, I missed you so much. I thought about you every day for the past five years. I love you, honey.” 

Something in your look gave him pause as he scanned your face. 

“What?” Pushing him backwards, you threw open the door to the stall while adjusting your dress and quickly checking yourself in the mirror to make sure you looked at least how you did when you came in here. “Hey, talk to me. What’s—”

As he reached for your arm, you turned around and smacked his cheek.

“How dare you. You think after everything you put me through you can just walk back into my life and expect things to be how they were?! I’m in a healthy relationship for once. He doesn’t bail on dates or disappear when I need him. Jacob actually shows me off and tells people I’m his girlfriend that he loves! I don’t cry every night because of something he said or did! I don’t—”

���Have sex the way you want?”, Steve interrupted snidely. “You don’t actually have any fucking fun because he’s so fucking boring you just want to walk into traffic. He doesn’t challenge you or make feel needed. He doesn’t know how fucking numb you really are. Jesus…”, he snickers. “You’re definitely not the same girl that left me.”

“That’s right because you broke her fucking heart!”

“Does he know that you don’t love him?” You freeze by the door at his question. “Does he know that you, honey, are exactly like me whether you like it or not. There’s a reason you’ve thought of me every day to. That’s the same reason you’re afraid to leave him.”

“Our relationship…was toxic…”

Tilting his head to the side, he reached into his suit pocket, grabbing a pack of cigarettes, and lighting one between his teeth. 

“That may be but that also doesn’t change the fact that you and I, baby girl, thrive on that shit.”

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you shake your head before addressing him and turning to leave.

“Stay away from me, Steven.”

#############

“Oof.”, Jacob groans as he slinks out of his suit jacket and throws himself down on the sofa. “It was a long day. We have a big account that landed in our lap and even your friend has been staying late to help.”

“He’s not my friend.”, you mumble as you continue focusing on the sink in front of you. 

You hadn’t been able to shake Steve from your brain since the party. Hell, you hadn’t been able to shake him for the last 5 years. You thought about him constantly but knew he was bad for you. Part of what got you through the heartache was telling yourself that he wasn’t missing you; that he didn’t care at all where you were or if you were even happy. 

But here he was telling you the opposite. Was he lying or did he genuinely care? From the few interactions you had with him he still seemed exactly the same. God, why couldn’t you get the warm fuzzy feelings he gave you with someone healthy?! Why did you have to fall in love with him? Why did he rile you up and get you going but by doing the worst things. 

“Honey? Are you alright? You seem kind of—”

“I’m fine, Jacob. I’m just exhausted.”

His hand gently caressed your back as his chin rested on your shoulder. “I understand. Is there anything I can do?”

Angrily, you slammed the plate in your hand back into sink, lightly pushing him aside as you entered the living room and began to pace. 

“Baby, what’s going on?”

“Stop it.”

“Stop what?”

“STOP BEING SO FUCKING NICE TO ME!”, you shout as frustrated tears began to fall. “Why do you alwayshave to be so nice?”

“How else should I be, Y/N?”

“I don’t know! Fucking…tell me to stop being a bitch or raise your voice a little bit. Throw me against a wall and fuck me into submission.” 

“Y/N, I still don’t get it. You’re telling me you want me to hurt you?”

“NO! I just want you to stop being so fucking passive! Show a bit more passion! How can you live life like this!? If you’re angry just be fucking angry and then do something about it!”

Placing his hands on his hips, his eyes glance over you as if confused on how to proceed. 

“You know what? Um, fuck it. I’m sorry, honey. I just…I had a weird day and I’m taking it out on you.” Wiping your eyes, you hastily grab your jacket from the nearby closet, and sling it over your shoulders. “I’m just going to go for a drive.”

“Y/N, wait! It’s pouring!”

Shutting the door, you cut him off as you stand in the yard and let the rainwater hit your face. It had been so long since you felt amped up like this. Backing out of your driveway, you head to the one person you know will understand.

***

“Yeah? What? I’m busy.”

“Uh Mr. Harrington, there’s a young lady here that says she knows you and was wondering if she could come up to talk to you.”

“I see. Carl? Does the young lady have a name or are we just letting any random women into the building?”,Steve asked the security guard sarcastically through intercom that connected to the top two floors. 

“Um, Y/N Y/L/N.”

“Ok, send her up.”, he sighs almost as if he’s annoyed by your presence. 

You bounce anxiously in the elevator as you take the ride up to the top floor and as soon as the doors ding open, you power walk towards the lighted up office at the end of hall.

“Y/N.”, Steve exhales without looking in your direction. “I’m extremely busy so if this isn’t important then make it quick.” When his eyes finally land on your soaked, agitated frame, his whole demeanor shifted as he came around his desk and cupped your face in his hands. “Jesus Christ, honey. What the fuck is going on? Are you alright?”

Tilting up on your toes, you hungerly press your lips against his.

“Baby…Baby…hang on…Stop!”, he shouts sternly as he pulls you back. “Tell me what happened right now.”

“You said you missed me and that you loved me.”, you pant as you try to tug out of his grip. “I didn’t. I didn’t miss you at all. The only thing I ever loved about you was your dick, Harrington.”

His eyes narrowed as his head tilted trying to get a read on you. 

“Why are you lying, little girl? You’re not supposed to lie to me remember?”

“Said the liar. I bet you didn’t miss me either with all that pussy you were getting back at Hawkins.”

“I can get pussy and still miss yours. The only difference is I actually enjoyed fucking those gorgeous women. When’s the last time you were fucked properly?”

“Jacob can get the job done. Trust me.”, you sass. 

“Then tell me, baby, why are you here with me?”

“Because I’m an idiot! Maybe, I should go home.”

As you turned to leave, he roughly grabbed your arm, spun you around, and kissed you again. It was a rough kiss loaded with need as you both clung to each other, you a bit more desperately than him. 

“Where’s my girl? I want my Y/N.”, he snarled angrily as he pulled your hair back, tilting your face up to meet his. 

“I told you. She’s gone.”

“I don’t believe you.” Pushing you down onto your knees, he continues to hold you firmly as he unbuckled and unbuttoned his pants with one hand. “I think she’s still there. She’s just hidden behind this false facade of someone ‘normal’.” As his slacks fall to his ankles, his cock springs free, and you salivate at the sight as he pumps it slowly in front of your face. “But we aren’t normal, are we, baby?”

As you try to lean forward to take him into your mouth, Steve pulls on your hair harder forcing you back while leaning down till his face was just inches above your own. 

“Ah, see? There she is. Hidden right under there.” His tone is full of snark but his beautiful features remain stoic as he continues to glare down at you. “Come on, honey. Give me what you got.”

Rearing back, a glob of spit leaves your mouth and lands just above his nose.

“Fuck you, Steve Harrington. I hate you.”

Wiping his hand over his face, he collects your saliva and strokes it along his cock.

“Jesus, baby, your anger and attitude just really fucking get me off.” Lifting you off your knees, he pushes you onto his desk, tearing off your jacket and shirt before slamming your back against the wood as your head hangs over the other side. 

You try to get up but he’s faster, holding his palm against your chest as he comes around his desk. 

“You remember our word right, Y/N? I wouldn’t be surprised if you forgot it. I imagine you haven’t needed it with the extremely mundane almost tedious style sex you’ve been having over the years.”, he chuckles, laughing at his own snark as you pout angrily beneath him. “DO you remember?”

“Yes I fucking remember!”

The palm on your chest slides easily up your skin and takes hold of your throat.

“Yes, you remember what?”

“I remember our safe word.”

Rolling his eyes, he lets you go just long enough to slap your cheek hard before holding you down again. 

“Yes, WHAT?!”

“YES, DADDY, I REMEMBER OUR FUCKING WORD!”

Steve’s hand moves behind your head, holding you up slightly as his leaking tip touches your lips, exhaling heavily when your tongue darts out to lick his slit and you moan at the taste of him. Opening your mouth wider, you allow him to push his cock in till he promptly hits the back of your throat making you gag. 

“That’s it, baby, take it like a good girl.”

Thrusting his hips, you flatten your tongue allowing him to use you as he pleases. Abruptly, the phone blares on his desk startling you but annoying him as he angrily grunts at the device. 

“God fucking damn it. Can’t have one fucking moment. Don’t move.”, he growls as he leans over to pick up the receiver. “Yeah, this is Harrington.” His long fingers grip your hair tighter as his cock subtly slides between your lips unable to remain still as your wet, slobber filled mouth warms him. 

“Seriously? This is why you called at 10pm? We have it covered. I have faith in the employees here.”

Even though his voice remained relatively calm despite what was happening, you knew him well enough to know he was using all his energy to do so. Deciding to rile him further, your hand reached up above you and gently massaged his balls the way you knew drove him crazy back in school. 

“Look, stop panicking. I-I-I…” You smiled in triumph as Steve stuttered over his words. “Fuck. No not you. Clark, just…just tell my dad to calm the fuck down. I haven’t run his company into the ground yet and I don’t…don’t plan on doing it any time soon.”

Slamming the phone back on the hook, he grips the side of your head with both hands as he thrusts his hips at a faster pace. 

“Did you think that was funny, little girl?! Did you think it was funny watching me squirm?” Holding you still, he stops moving when he feels your nose against his sack, grunting as your throat constricts around him. “That’s it, you fucking brat. Choke on it.”

Pulling himself all the way out, he allows you to collect air and watches with pride as the tears streak down your face. Once he feels like you’ve had enough of a break, he shoves his cock back down your throat, holding you still as you gag and drool around him. 

A frustrated sigh leaves his lips as he tugs you off him and walks around to the other side of the desk while shuffling off his pants as he unbuttons his shirt. 

“Come here, baby.”

As you fully sit up, you raise your hips so he can aggressively yank down your pants with your panties. Bringing you towards the edge of his desk, he falls to his knees, and puts your cunt on display for himself as he uses his fingers to hold open your puffy lips. 

“Fuck, sweetheart. I missed this pussy so much. You always smelled so fucking good.” You moan as Steve’s nose grazes your clit and his tongue licks between your folds. “Shit. And you tasted so fucking delicious to.”

His head falls between your legs and your fingers tangle in hair as he devours you like you were his last meal. The obscene sounds of slurps and his tongue flicking in and out of your core has you clenching tightly around him as your eyes roll to the back of your head. 

“Please, don’t stop, Steve. Oh my god.”, you whine. 

As your hips start to buck against him, his strong hands hold you down forcing you to stay still. You continue petting his head, occasionally tugging on his fluffy, soft strands making his groan reverberate through you. 

The phone beside you blares loudly again and he grunts in agitation as he gets to his feet, grabbing the cord to yank it from the wall. 

Taking his place between your legs, you both moan as he runs his mushroom tip along you slit and rests his forehead on yours.

“Beg me, Y/N. Tell me how bad you want my cock that you love oh so much and not me.”

“Please, Steve, I need—”

His palm around your throat cuts you off.

“No, little girl. Remember? You don’t care about me anymore. You don’t give a fuck about Steve Harrington. All you want is my dick right? Well, honey, this dick belongs to Daddy so beg him.”, he growled causing your breath to hitch. 

“Please, Daddy. I’m sorry. I need you to fuck me. I need to feel you fill me up.”

“Do you think you deserve it?”

“No.”, you whisper, your answer intriguing him as his head shifts to the side. “But I need it.”

Your hands run up his chest till you reach his neck, clinging to him as he slowly guides himself inside of you. You mouth dropped open in the shape of an O as he gradually pumps his hips, pushing himself deeper into your heat. 

“God damnit, Y/N, how long has it been? Your pussy isn’t used to a big cock anymore is she? You’re so fucking tight.”

“Still s-so cocky.”

Steve chuckles lightly, his head hanging as he bottoms out. 

“Still a fucking brat.”

Gripping both your thighs, he pulls back before thrusting his length hard inside of you, practically punching the air from your lungs. Falling flat onto his desk, he finds a steady pace that leaves the two of you panting and moaning.

Leaning his upper body over yours, his lips kiss yours sloppily as your tongues dance together.

“Fuck, baby girl, no one has ever taken my cock as well as you.” His face falls into the nook between your neck and shoulder as he bites at the flesh. “This pussy was made for me, Y/N.”

“Harder, Daddy.”

Taking hold of you, he lifts you off his desk and places you on the floor, lifting one of your legs over his shoulder as he pounds into you.

“Like that, honey? Yeah. Daddy knows. Daddy can take care of you.” With one hand clinging to your leg for leverage, he utilizes his other to bring his thumb to your clit making you whimper as his cock abuses your g-spot. “Cum, pretty girl. Cum all over my dick.”

Perching yourself up on your elbows, your eyes lock with his giving him more determination to push you over that ledge. When you do finally fall, he grunts at the feeling, fucking you through it as his thumb moves faster against you. 

“Atta girl. Fuck me. Your pussy won’t stop pulling me in. You really needed Daddy, huh, baby?”

Shakily your hand grabbed his wrist, silently begging him to stop and to your surprise he did, bringing his palm up to caress your cheek. Focusing on his own pleasure, he slammed into you so hard that you knew you would be sore tomorrow. 

Falling flat against your body, he rolled his hips a few more times before warming your insides with his release. 

The two of you laid together quietly for a few moments until he finally rolled on to his back. Sneaking a glance your way, Steve noticed you were trembling and sat up to grab his jacket off the floor where he had tossed it to place it over your body like a blanket. 

“Thank you.”, you murmur as you bring it up closer to your neck. 

“For the jacket or the sex?” As you turn your head to look at him, he does the same. “That’s what you came here for right? Because I know it wasn’t for me. I guaran-God damn-tee if your boyfriend or any other guy fucked you the way I did, you’d be with them right now.”

“You’re right.” Steve huffed as he fully sat up and leaned against the sofa he had in his office. “What do you want me say, Harrington? I tried for two years to get you to claim me and every time you pushed me away.”

“And every time you still came back.”

“So that gave you license to treat me like garbage?!”

“No! I’m just… I’m just saying there’s a reason for that.”

“Yeah and not a good one. Steve…what we have…had… yeah the sex is amazing but everything else is unhealthy. The missed dates, angry calls, the fighting, the fucking cheating… we are toxic.”

He sighs heavily before giving you his full attention.

“Yeah, well, if we’re toxic then I’d rather go down with you than anyone else.” Shaking your head, you get to your feet as you quickly grab your clothes and start to put them on. “I know you feel the same, Y/N, or else you wouldn’t be here. You like all that bullshit because at least you’re feeling something other than fucking boredom. Trust me, I tried to. I tried doing the healthy ‘normal’ thing. I wanted to fucking gouge my eyes out by the end of the day. It took me awhile to realize that all the women I was with including her… I just kept wishing they were you.”

“This was a mistake. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”

“No, no, no, no, honey. Please, trust me. I feel like we can make this work.”

“Well, I don’t.”

Backing away from you, he folded his arms as he leaned against his desk. You knew this look very well, always referring to it as “the shutdown”. His wall was going up which means he was going to make this situation as complicated as possible.

The butterflies in your tummy fluttered in anticipation at the notion.

Why am I like this? Why can’t I be normal?

“Ok, Y/N. We can play this game but just remember, little girl, I’m way better at it than you.”

############

@daysinthephoenix @sophiejayne-illustrations713

#steve harrington #joe keery #stranger things #steve harrington smut #steve harrington stranger things #steve harrington angst #joe keery smut #joe keery fanfiction #stranger things fanfiction #toxic!steve harrington #mean steve #fan fiction #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x y/n smut #spotify #Spotify

[t4transsexual]

yknow i dont love the "youre getting gender affirming surgeries? youre amputating HEALTHY BODY PARTS. what if someone just wanted to cut off their leg?" mostly because in my time working in hospitals, i actually did meet a man who did have an elective amputation of his leg while i worked in the hospital (im a healthcare worker when im not busy being trans online btw)

i cant give any information on him due to HIPAA and i think thatd be disrespectful anyway, but it was over a year ago i worked there. and sometimes in hospitals you have "regulars." which sucked; all my regulars were lovely people and i wish they werent in the hospital

regardless, there was a man there who was over 70, and one day i ask him what hes there for, and he tells me why. since hes gotten his knee replacement surgery some time ago, it keeps getting infected. he told me they keep trying to fix it but it keeps coming back. and he tells me he wants an amputation

he says hes reaching the end of his life, and if this is what it took to have a good quality of life so close to the end, hed do it. he didnt want to he in the hospital anymore. he said the nurses and doctors keep trying to talk him out of it, but this is what he wants

before anyone mentions, no, this is not a "crazy person" who is "getting an amputation because he wants to be disabled." he was probably autistic but clearly very mentally stable, he was depressed about being a frequent flier obviously. but this is an elective surgery. under no definition was this medically necessary. he didnt have a tumor, he didnt have cancer, he wasnt going to lose the leg unless he amputated it. he wanted it amputated largely because it would drastically improve the quality of his life

ive been thinking about him a lot since ive been going about the process of getting my gender affirming surgeries later this year. all things considered, he wouldve had more of a chance of having his ailment cured without amputation than i ever will having my gender dysphoria "cured" without surgery. if anything, i hope yall who make this argument understand that there are real people who may choose to get an amputation, and they dont HAVE to be "mentally unstable" to do it. neither of us are or were

and for anyone who cares, one day he greeted me from his bed with a big smile on his face saying he got an amputation, and i never saw him again at the hospital after that

#the only choice we made was to be as happy and healthy as possible #with the little time we have #trans #gender affirming care #transgender #transsexual #elective amputations

[imagineanime2022]

Demon Brothers W/ An S/O W/ CIPA

Lucifer X Reader, Mammon X Reader, Leviathan X Reader, Satan X Reader, Asmodeus X Reader, Beelzebub X Reader, Belphagor X Reader.

Requested: Anon

Requested: Anon

Request: Haiii:3

I have been reading your posts for some while and i really like how you write!!!

But anyway straight to the point, could you write the obey me brothers with a S/O who has CIPA?

if you dont know what that is its basically where a person cant feel pain, feel heat or cold, and cant sweat.

You can ignore this if you want, take your time. &lt;3

Lucifer = Blue

Mammon = Italic (would not let me do yellow)

Levi = Orange

Satan = Green

Asmo = Pink

Beel = Red

Belphie = Purple

You = Bold

A/N: I had vaguely heard of this before this request and did some research into some of the other things that yo can suffer along side it, let me know if theirs anything that you would like me to change or isn't quite true.

Warnings: Talks of pain, broken bones, bruises, CIPA from the view of someone who has not seen or dealt with it.

Lucifer

📚 No word of a lie this man knew that there was something different about you the moment that you appeared in devildom but he couldn’t tell what it was just by looking at you. 📚 The first thing he picked up on was your choice in clothing. Why are you wearing a jumper in the midst of summer? It looks nice. Are you not hot? I don’t really feel hot. 📚 The second was you play fighting with Beel, even he has the oldest and most powerful of the brother found it hard to keep up with Beel but you a human seemed to be bouncing back from what seemed to be a good deal of Beel’s natural strength, you were covered in bruises when you came down the next morning but you weren’t at all concerned by them. 📚 The third and final one was when you were in the kitchen you had been talking to him and he watched as you put your hand down on the still hot stove that you had been using moments before but you didn’t tear your hand away instead continued talking. 📚 Lucifer had never shot forward so fast demanding to know what was wrong with you while he treated the first degree burn. 📚 Lucifer did some research and then set a schedule to make sure that you stayed healthy, you weren’t allowed anywhere on your own and when you did sustain an injury self assessment was not allowed, he’d be taking you to a professional if he couldn’t tell himself. 📚 He gave his brothers strict instructions on what they needed to be vigilant of when you were out with them and even sent the same instructions to purgatory hall and the castle (not that Solomon or Barbatos needed them, they definitely figured this out within weeks of meeting you). 📚 Lucifer will literally come out of nowhere with some kind of temperature device to make sure that you weren’t too hot or too cold, let’s hope that you never faint because you're too hot. 📚 I think he’d honestly be the most worried, he’s always thinking about you and wondering if you're okay, checking his phone constantly to make sure that you hadn’t hurt yourself somehow. 📚 You're in more danger here than you’ve ever been, you need someone looking out for you.

Mammon

💳 Mammon had no clue. 💳 Literally nothing different about you, versus any other human that he’s seen (not that he’s really seen any, let alone interacted with them). 💳 At first he just thought that you were super durable and that instantly had his mind running, he could make money off of the videos that he filmed of you. Yeah for a while you were the get rich quick scheme. 💳 Until one night that you stood up to Lucifer to protect him and Beel and actually got hurt, you had fallen awkwardly, everyone winced and somehow you stood completely normal. 💳 Unfortunately it doesn’t matter how much he sees you're probably going to have to tell him what is going on with you. 💳 Once he understands what’s going on with you he’s a lot more considerate. He always has an extra jumper if you don’t bring one or will offer to carry yours if he feels like you might be getting too hot. 💳 The occasional hyperactivity that comes with CIPA is welcomed with Mammon, he’s up for having pillow fights and running around the house, he’s made a child proof room for you both to play around in when you need it. 💳 He’s not as hands on as Lucifer is but he doesn’t actually leave you alone with anyone who isn’t his brothers, does not trust another soul with your health. 💳 I’m your protector remember? I’ll protect you from everything even if it is yourself.

Leviathan

🎮 It took Levi a little while to figure it out considering he spent most of his time in his bedroom away from everyone else. 🎮 However the more time that you spent together the more that he realised that you didn’t seem to feel pain. 🎮 He watched as you stubbed your toe, smacked your hand on the bathtub or walked into the sofa but the real teller was when you bit your lip until it bleed one day. 🎮 Stop that. What? Your lips are bleeding, doesn’t that hurt? Not really, I don’t really feel pain. What? 🎮 Levi started to watch you more carefully, when he saw you chewing at your lip, he’ll hand you something else to chew food or chewing gum or something, even had a fidget toy in case you start pulling at the skin on your fingers or around your nails. 🎮 His scales make him the perfect cuddle buddy when you get too warm. I think he runs a little cooler than most other demons so it helped to cool you down when you were running a bit hot. 🎮 Would literally have you wear a watch that tracks your body with the app connected to his and your DDD so that he could make sure that you were okay. 🎮 Since he does his lessons at home, you will get random text messages like: You're getting too hot, take that jumper off or why’s your heart rate up? What are you doing? 🎮 Someone has to make sure that you die, you Normie.

Satan

🐈 Satan absolutely knew that there was something different about you and it took him less than 24 hrs to guess what it was. 🐈 Satan has a lot of knowledge, including knowledge on humans, he reads a lot and that meant that he had read about a lot of different ailments that humans could have so had read about CIPA but he didn’t think that he’d ever meet a human that had the ailments. 🐈 He then proceeds to find out everything that he doesn’t know about it so that when something happens he knows what to do. 🐈 Honestly he’s usually not around when something happens to you, you’ll probably walk into his bedroom after the fact and he would see that you were injured. 🐈 What happened? What? Your arm is bruised. What happened? Oh… I don’t know. Can you please be more careful? 🐈 Will not treat you like a child, you have been dealing with this all your life, you don’t need someone babying you. He is well aware of your limits though and will check on you if he thinks it’s necessary. 🐈 He’s always checking in with you but it’ll be more subtle then the others, he’ll press a kiss to your forehead to gauge your temperature or offer you cold or hot drinks to try and make sure that you stay at an optimum temperature. 🐈 You are the only person that he worries about when it comes to his cats, they are usually fine but he knows that they could do damage when they are playing with you, so he watches carefully and makes sure that you only use the cat's toys that he has bought for you to use. 🐈 Literally hates it when you have a knife and fork, he watches you like a hawk and if there’s even a single sign of danger, he’ll cut the food himself, he would have you cutting off your own limbs for dinner. 🐈 Stop. Stop that. Stop, I’ll do it.

Asmodeus

���� Asmodeus kinda knew but he never said anything, just treated you the same as he would anyone else. 💅 It would be an accident when he finds out that you even have an issue, he was complaining about sweat one day and you dropped the bomb. 💅I wish I just didn’t sweat. No you don’t. I know that it’s fundamental or whatever Satan said but- No you don’t wish that because then you start fainting because of overheating and have the threat of a seizure every time you have a fever. What? 💅 You literally made his brain stop working because it took him a full minute to realise that you were talking from experience. Has you explain everything to him. Literally everything, he needs to understand. 💅 Now we all know that Asmo isn’t going to be able to protect you from everything so instead, he looks after your body for you, spa night where he does a full inventory, he notes any marks, bruises or wounds on your body and makes sure that they are healing properly. 💅 He hates seeing you hurt so he has like safety gloves that he just makes you wear, he wanted a full bubble to make sure that nothing apart from him touched you ever again. 💅 Would ask the others for help keeping you safe, literally bribing the family (not that he needed to, they all wanted you safe after all) and they are going to take everything that he offered. 💅 Asmo is literally the parent that follows you around with plasters, bandages and cold compress packs for any eventuality. 💅 Oh my god are you okay!? Here, what do you need? We’ll need a long spa day after this.

Beelzebub

🍔 Beel treated you like you were a delicate flower anyway, there was nothing that was gentle enough for you and he had to make sure that everything you did was tested first. 🍔 You will have to tell him what is going on with you because let’s be honest he does a very good job of keeping you out of trouble but that means that when something bad happens it’s really bad. 🍔 I think it’s broken. Yeah probably. Doesn’t that hurt. It’s supposed to. But it doesn’t. Not for me. 🍔 It’s up to you to explain the good and bad points of your ailment because even if he did read about it he’s not going to understand it at all. 🍔 Now all I can think of with this man is that he just holds you above all danger, like you’ll be on his shoulders or he’ll hoist you over his shoulder when he feels like you’ll get hurt. 🍔 Beel will avoid situations that he think will cause you any harm, he’s not always going to notice the signs that something is wrong so he tries to just keep you away from it instead. 🍔 Always has a drink, fan or coat if he thinks that you need it. You’ll honestly wonder where he pulls it out from, it doesn't matter he’ll always have it. 🍔 Keeps you away from his very rowdy Fangol team, they’ll have you seriously injured in less than a few seconds, he eventually told them how delicate you were and the best of the team looked out for you like you were their own, even had you on the bench sometimes to keep you out of the crowd. 🍔 Will let you sit on him not matter what he’s doing, laying on the couch eating, he’ll have you sit on his chest. Working out, you can be the counterweight (you might actually need to hold a weight to make it a challenge though). 🍔 I’m not really good at learning about stuff, but I can keep you safe. I promise

Belphegor

💤 Belphie is probably the one who finds out the earliest in your relationship and that’s because of everything he tried to do to you before you got him back to the rest of the family. 💤 You could see that he struggling with it and when he apologised you literally waved him off. 💤 Don’t worry I can’t feel anything anyway. Huh? I couldn’t feel anything that you did before, if that helps… You know it didn’t hurt. Now I’m guilty and confused. 💤 You explained properly what you were talking about and surprisingly enough he did understand a great deal about it. 💤 When you were alone together he would find himself asking if you ever wished to change your ailment and how it actually felt to have it. 💤 He’s probably the only one besides Beel to ask you what you wanted him to do and how he could help, he’s lazy and he doesn’t often find himself in many harmful situations so he doesn’t have to worry about that. It’s more about regulating your body and making sure that you are keeping yourself healthy. 💤 He kept snacks and other things around so that if you needed something it was to hand, you still hurt yourself sometimes when reaching for something or walking to the bathroom but nothing too serious with him. 💤 Orders Beel to keep you safe and return you back to him at the end of each school day because he knows at some point he’s going to sneak off to find somewhere to sleep and you might not always want to do that. 💤 Belphie learns you tells for when something is wrong and can figure most things out based on your answers, steals things from his brothers if he needs to make sure that you are comfortable, and also wraps his tail around you to stop you from rolling out of bed. 💤 Don’t worry you can spend the rest of your life in bed with me, nothing can hurt you here.

Request Here!!

#obey me oneshot #obey me imagine #obey me x reader #obey me #lucifer oneshot #lucifer imagine #lucifer #mammon oneshot #mammon imagine #mammon #leviathan oneshot #leviathan imagine #leviathan #satan oneshot #satan imagine #satan #asmodeus oneshot #asmodeus imagine #asmodeus #beelzebub one shot #beelzebub imagine #beelzebub #belphegor oneshot #belphegor imagine #belphegor #imagine #oneshot #one shot #reader insert #x reader

[jackmanbj]

is that ight?

an: hi guys! im back hopefully for long and just wanna say that this is something that didnt take me long to write because i wanted it to be kinda short for my little return!🤭

summary: jack is ranting to you about his problems and your trying your best to help him not wanting him to give up on anything.

jack had just got home from the studio, his eyes were baggy and his hair was messy.

you were sitting on the sofa waiting for jack, even though it was two in the morning.

“jack hun you look tired…”

“just a little, lets go to bed” jack didnt wait for a response and he started walking upstairs and heading to the bedroom while you followed behind

at first, jack didnt even bother taking off his clothes, being to tired to even more after he sat on the bed “jack hun.. i know you’re tired but you need to undress” you say taking off his jacket

jack groans but eventually start undressing, he keeps on his wife-beater and boxers on and lays down

you pull him on top of you, his head resting on your chest as you scratch his scalp lightly

—

the next morning when you woke up, jack was already getting ready to go to the studio

“jack.. your overworked, stay home”

“i cant—im on a high right now! my new song just got higher then first class, everyone’s still expecting me to make new music and i cant take any days off, not right now at least maybe in a few weeks”

“jack you need a break..” “well i want to be able to spoil you and i cant do that if i keep taking breaks” “keep taking breaks? baby.. this would be your first break in four weeks.. sit down” you say patting the bed as you sit up

“why do you feel like that?”

no airports and no flights thats how i wanna live my life, is that ight?

“i—i dont even know.. i just feel like i need to work or everything i have is gonna come crashing down.. like everything i worked for is gonna fall apart, i dont even care about all the cars, and the jewelry.. but i want just a little but even with just a little i feel like im wasting so much”

no sport cars and no ice, okay maybe a little ice, we all got a lil’ vice

“jack hun.. you can want everything in the world and you can get it if you can afford it—wanting something and getting it doesn’t mean that your overdoing it, you see people with seven cars but they can get them because they like them, not because they want to have fame for it”

“but i feel like sometimes its to much, and theres even more to it.. sometimes i hate when fans come up to me and want a whole lot of pictures, i dont mind saying hi or asking for one picture but they keep going and i also feel like me and some of the pg are falling out because of me working so much we dont talk alot…”

no selfies just say hi, im so healthy and alive 4L we them same guys equity for my dogs only time you see gang signs.

“jack not wanting people to come up to you a lot is normal it doesn’t make you a bad person and it shouldn’t make you feel bad, not everyone likes that.. and people lose friends, but if its pg dont you think you should schedule a meet up for all of you, or most of you to hang out and catch up?”

jack shifts his body, not facing you anymore “i want to, i do i wanna hang out with them and i want to stay strong with them but also i dont want to stop my working and my music for it”

im looking to change lives i already changed mine

you take his face in your hands making him face you again “jack people have to move on with there lives sometimes.. everyone cant just wait for inspiration they just have to take a chance, lots of people are impatient and want you to release music or your opinion or what you think when they want it..”

the times not stop waiting for the inspiration, they say its a flaw being impatient but…

jack huffs “ok..okay ill take a break from working.. ill take a week long break and ill set boundaries with fans and ill talk to pg..”

i just want peace i dont want no smoke

#jack harlow #jack harlow x reader #jackman thomas harlow #jack harlow fluff #jack harlow x y/n #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow fanfic #jack harlow x you #jack harlow concepts