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#so fucking tired today my dudes
cacaocheri · 6 months
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little doodle i did for myself bc when i got home i was so fucking drained
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spearxwind · 5 months
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parents will literally blame insane shit on you
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tomhoppusdelonge · 8 months
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.
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barkingangelbaby · 2 months
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I feel like such a broken fucking person lol
I talked way too much in the tags don't read them
#fighting off the ideation like my life depends on it!! bc it does!!!#been good about not thinking certain phrases but F U C K am i feeling it. i want to turn into a pile of dust#i am so desperately trying to work on myself and change my patterns and bad habits and perspective but it feels like i always fall short#i try not to talk about it online but I'm just. having a very hard day with N because we experience our feelings in different ways#i isolate myself bc i struggle with regulating my reactions and tones when im having an episode but she needs me to talk through things and#i sometimes just. can't. bc I'm not done experiencing the negativity and am not in a place to have a productive convo bc shame spirals etc#we just spent a long time talking and being patient and i thought i was understanding and explaining myself well but i just. idk.#i don't know how to explain that of course i love her even if I'm isolating myself. of course i love her although I'm nonverbal today. i jus#t can't *make* myself talk when I'm like this i don't want to be nonverbal i don't want to isolate i don't want to be a distant partner i do#n't want to fall back into these patterns related to my grief i want to be better i am trying to be better i am working so fucking hard on#being better. i just feel so defeated bc this all spiraled from me not wanting to decide what to get for lunch n using a poor tone about it#I'm about to talk with her some more but I just. kinda don't want to exist right now. fuck dude. it feels so fucking awful when i upset her#like i love her so much she is so important to me and it breaks my heart that our entire day is shot bc i was tired and cranky#i just don't understand how that equates to me not loving her bc she is my whole world dude. I'm going to throw up#i also don't know how to explain to her that scrolling on tumblr is comfortable to me I'm not ignoring her it's just the SM that i scroll on#like we're hanging out watching tv together I'm gonna scroll a little bit. it's just not insta or anything#idk my mind is scrambled I'm crying I just want to be a better person who can calmly communicate my thoughts and emotions#today has just beat my fucking ass dude. i isolate so those feelings don't get translated into my interactions with others#i don't even know what i typed in these tags I just don't want to off myself or think about it I'm fighting myself so much 2day#rAMbles
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intertexts · 3 months
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can literally feelll the dissociative haze sliding over my brain rn -_-
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troglobite · 7 months
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i love* when chronic pain flares up SUPER fucking bad for no discernible reason, completely canceling all plans and hopes i had for the day
*fucking loathe w my entire existence
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genekies · 3 months
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screaming in the club
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time for another vent in tags
#so i was joking and i thought it came through but im also dumb and autistic and my jokes dont always cross. sO#i was joking about one of my roomates not seeing Nightmare Before Christmas before bc i was showing 2 of them my picture vinyl of it and whe#n one of them said they never saw it i said “but you were a loser on tumblr in the 2010s wdym” and their fiance was just rude to me and i th#ought it was clearly a joke but ig not and they lowley attacked me for it? im just?? i tried to clarify that i was joking and they know im a#utistic. hell the one i was joking to is also autistic but idk so now i feel like utter shit especially after all i did today thst juet drai#ned me. ive been trying to fix our 2nd shower. i had a meeting. i had an extremely hard therapy session. and i showered today. its been hell#like i am trying to get thru relapsing on SH and my ED and ofc they dont know but that shit made it worse and i dont want to say anything bc#then ill feel like im guilt tripping? idk but im also super nervous about a HRT appmt i have coming up and i cant afford it and we have no#food in the house i can eat rn and no one has gone shopping. i cant go shopping either bc i cant drive/dont have a car. and its making it#harder to help get back on track with eating when theres nothing for me to eat? so everything is fucking amazing right now.#the only meals i could POSSIBLY have and all claimed by the one roommate i was joking with. it all takes up half our freezer too so thats#fucking awesome. all this food for one person and none that i can eat or the other vegan in the house can eat. i have been hungry for DAYS.#all there has been for me to eat is cup ramen and grilled cheese. AND SOMEONE WHO WASNT FUCKING VEGAN ATE ALL THE VEGAN CHEESE IM GENUINELY#SO PISSED OFF? like dude yall have your own cheese wtf#the thing is its already really hard for me to tell when i am actually hungry bc of years of ignoring it so when i actually feel it and ther#es nothing it really gets to me. im so tired and idek where my EBT card is to get myself something. its all just so much.#i just want to lay in my bed and sleep for days. but i cant. i have too much shit to do. like even just tomorrow i have to clean the#bathroom. mop the kitchen. do dishes. shovel snow. and just generally take.care of shit because since we have 2 roomates MIA right now and#no one else wanted to do shit i had to step up and i am STRUGGLING. i have been for a while. the thing is everyone that didnt sign up for sh#it didnt have much going on besides probable seasonal depression#i relapsed. have debilitating mental health. i can barely get out of bed before 4 pm. and i have to take care of myself and my cat.#im so close to snapping on them at this point#i need the one roommate i actually like to come back or i swear i will lose my shit. hes only been gone for 6 days but HOLY SHIT#everything has gone to shit#vent over ig im going to sleep soon. still hungry if i cant find something.
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archived-2001 · 4 months
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was gifted a sword necklace but it looks more like a cross i cont believe this is happening to me
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godblooded · 5 months
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good morning today i’m going to have lunch with a bunch of strangers i am apparently related to.
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god I am so tired of hearing “I’m being as careful as I can about covid” like no you’re not!!! you’re being as careful as you want to, which isn’t much. you won’t even wear a mask bc no one else is and you feel awkward. even though your inaction puts the lives of vulnerable people like me at risk. you could at least say that with your fucking chest
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lovecrazedpup · 2 months
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just had one of the worst cries of my life i think
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sluttyten · 6 months
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I still have 5 hours left in my shift 😭😭😭
#I just….#really wanna go home today#not having a good day. I started my period this morning and then I got to work and found out only me and one other opener were there but our#opening manager wasn’t here yet so she was late and we spent the next 20 minutes rushing to get everything set up before we opened#and then we immediately started getting customers and it’s just been busy and I’m tired and just don’t feel good bc of my period#and then so far I’ve had 2 of my least favorite customers come through the drive thru where I’m working#one is this dude who’s just fucking annoying another is the guy that asked for my number a few months ago who I haven’t seen since I turned#him down so I took his order and then made someone else deal with him at the window#and then it got busy with everyone ordering drinks like hot coffees which meant I had to walk from our drive thru out to the lobby bc my#coffees were out bc everyone wants coffee today but when I would do that I would still have to be taking orders#and then someone cleared a few specialty coffees off the barista screen without making them while the person was sitting in the drive thru#so I had to make those while doing other stuff too and people were asking me questions#and I was just getting very overstimulated and annoyed plus I’m hungry#and I just want to leave and go home and sleep but it’s my best friend’s birthday so she’s probably gonna want to do something later but I#just don’t feel up to it and I know she’s probably ready to hang out because she’s been off for 10 days with Covid so she’s well rested now#for her birthday but 😭😭😭 I just want to crash into my bed so hard and not wake up until noon tomorrow#also the coworker I work with every day and don’t like is here today unfortunately#and also all of the speakers we use to play music in the back are dead right now and I just want to play music#first world problems but I have so little patience today
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coloursofaparadox · 7 months
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>:[
#ive lost like all fear of dogs at this point. i realized that earlier today when a massive rottie started a fight with my boy#and my first instinct on seeing flying teeth was to sprint towards them and shove my body in between#its very possible it was also just all self preservation leaving my body because i am absolutely going to protect my pup#i would probably fight a bear for him there is no question that i would forcibly shove another dog off with my forearm#but fuck. despite the fact that i /know/ better sometimes i have a real real bad fatigue week and i use dog parks. i have like.#a selective list of ones that i will go to categorized by 'least likely to become a boxing ring'. tons of space. multiple separate areas.#i go only at off times when its not busy! i watch dog body language and keep an eye on him at all times.#ill rotate areas if i spot a potential problem. i have him under verbal control and wouldnt even be there if i didnt. but! like!#despite all that. just fucking anyone can go there. 'oh your dogs a puppy thats why my dog attacked him!' idgaf.#speaking as someone who has raised a reactive dog. if your dog is reactive why in the absolute hell would you take them to a dog park.#why!!! lif your dog is consistently fighting other dogs why would you do that! it does not matter if he 'only attacks dogs that arent fixed'#he is still obviously not having a good fucking time and is not going to enjoy this environment holy shit#just. gggHHGGH. i avoid off leash parks as much as i can already but. fuck. idek the point of this im just.#still a bit riled over having to physically throw myself in the middle of a dog fight while the other owner did absolutely nothing.#like just hovered! while his dog was pinning mine and teeth flying attacking and was actively fighting me trying to keep him off#when i can afford it im gonna find some sort of dog group walk/hike thing instead i do not want to socialize my boy like this#i am tired and very very upset because my boy looked so scared and i swear to god if you arent grabbing your dog i will fight it myself#fuck dude. fuck dog parks and fuck me for knowing better and still using em anyways.
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creative mode subnautica i am invincible and my base is so pretty and there is nothing wrong with my brain
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strayheat · 9 months
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it's okay guys we just have to get through thursday and friday we're good
#and also hobie brown exists#hey rant warning#more like feverish mumbling#i had such a stressful and annoying day today#everybody say fuck robert from the marketing department👍👍#uahwghhhh im just tired#gotta wash my hair and i just ate some pizza its good#i have to be seriously thinking abt what im doing abt my masters#im so ducking stressed#do i do it on the side and work in the meantime <-would have to find a new job in the city i might move to. i have no portfolio nothing#do i go into it fully and not work <-i could be making money by im not. not that im in desperate need it would just be very nice to#be building a stash yknow#dude holy fuck what do i do#also if i were to move and change my job would i try to keep the current one until i find another or do i just drop it end of sept#like i planned#oh and also!!!! do i go and do a masters in programming which will probably give me a more universal chance of employment in IT#or do i go into gamedev whoch would be more up my alley i think but i also think would limit my chances in the general market outside gamed#if i did just programming i could take some gamedev courses on top#but god fucking knkws i wont unless thereatened with a knife thats just not gonna happen#and also i will be miserable the whole way through in programming bc i assume its just gonna be 2 more years of what i did for bachelors#while im hoping gamedev would be kinder to me but have no realistic way of knowing since we only had one class in game making for bachelors#i did like it though (as opposed to literally everything else past the first 2 lectures)#also im passionate abt games and gamedev (as in i love to look at it amd listen abt it. not that im deeply in love with doing gamedev and#This unsure still. like i like it from the outside. v much. havent had the chance to say for sure whether i love it from the actual doing p#rspective#also besides all that i need to buy an outfit for a wedding thats like 3 weeks away <-may be alot but not to me and not for buying clothes#and also also a persons hitting on me over dc and theyre getting me overwhelmed (i dont mind it mostly. i just think its pointless and they#e not getting the hint)#im so confused like how do u hit on a person literally the only thing u know abt is that theyre gay and youve exchanged like. 70 words tota#dude im in a fever dream
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intertexts · 3 months
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literally category five sleepy moment btw
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