#so fuck that guy amiright

[dhmis-autism]

red guy would ask for a divorce a realize it was depression not his marriage and be like "huh"

OSUSFSKAFSJHSKSGSJSGD

" i guess that wasnt what was making me miserable. easy to see why i thought that, though. who could blame me." /° °\

#THATS SO FUCKIHG FUNNY #ITS NOT EVEN THE ISSUE HE JUST GETS FUCKING DIVOECED #ULTIMATE DIVORCE GUY AMIRIGHT LADS #i like this this is funny #hes like why would i think my marriage was making me sad #jumpcut to duck yelling at him and fighting with him every day of his life #jumpcut to every day being “i said three guesses not two :]” #jumpcut to them going on terrible awful dates bc neither of them know how dates work #montage of them killing each other

[freckledoctopus]

Been away a looong time but..... but i think i’m ready to shitpost on tumblr again. That’s right I’ve grown. I’m better now. Faster. Stronger. O....older....... Significantly older.... And not to brag (heh) but also mentally stable enough to share on social media again

#right when i want to get back into sharing art (when im not swamped by work) twitter fucking shits the bed #i mean X shits the bed #guys its so bad over there and ive barely posted in the last year #joke website #please tumblr dont fail now that i want to post art again while not crushed under the weight of my job #i want to reach out to people more too since my mental health is in theory better! what a surprise #an artist with mental health issues amiright #god i missed tumblr tags

[basketcased]

been thinking a little too hard about a dalish mage warden recently.

#dragon age #dragon age origins #warden commander #hero of ferelden #mahariel #my art #yeah okay so just please consider that if the warden was dalish and a mage. #you believe that YOUR connection to the fade etcetc leads to tamlens death. and then you have to keep it a secret that you can use magic #because of the fucking circles #AND ON TOP OF THAT your ass is saving fereldan like come the fuck on. its compelling okay #you meet cullen and ur like. lol yeah. mages amiright fuck those guys #dahlia

[pnkq]

#wilbur soot #wilbur #lol memes #meme #funny memes #haha #humor #funny #lol #best memes #dank memes #im a simp #im such a wilbur soot simp #like god fucking damn #that man is so fine #hot guy alert amiright

[snakesinsocks2005]

Runs off like I didn't just drop an entire guy on you. Anyways

#his full names Silas Sterling and hes the silliest guy i could ever imagine #he comes from space from undisclosed causes (backstory not unlocked) and hes basically a stupid powerful entity made from light/energy #tho he tries to keep it under control (but once he got so bored he accidentally blew up an entire planet and committed Massive genocide- #-whoops) #his voiceclaim is ryan reynolds but with a layer of reverb+distortion #his vibe and personalitys very like a combo of bill cipher and the collector #hes hot to the touch and his hair defies gravity. living powersource swag amiright #wait fuck Silas Starling* #oc tag #silas

[mythvoiced]

OPEN STARTER | Patrick Finch

"I condone lying. I encourage it, even. I recommend it. I could hardly live without it."

#;open starter #the wolf;patrick #the wolf;open #he's always the most difficult one GOSH #also you must envision he's saying this with this weird open deadpan stare where he #well how do i put it: he's clearly fucking with you but he does it with such an open genuine expression #i mean he does condone lying he's not lying here (LKDSG!!!) but he is also fucking around #so this is Patrick he's 37 or anywhere around that age he's agender primarily he/him pronouns bc whatever yknow #the agender vibes of WHATEVER i know what i'm talking about trust me i have a phd in agenderism #anyways he's an informant but about as unorthodox as you can imagine he's just fucking around and finding out frankly #very depressed very jumpy very good at hiding it lmao he's my darling ♥ #he is very motherly somehow i can't explain it #he has somewhat of a history in accidentally attempting to adopt powerful young women i don't know why he??? #knee-jerks into wanting to be a mother figure i don't know him that well you guys #like he met suki (ferre's kamipyre) for a few minutes one time and #days after he was wondering if she'd wore a jacket because it was cold out like-- #men don't get the same kindness if you're a charming kind-hearted competent warm and humorous DAD kind of guy he's unfortunately #emotionally attracted to you? unfortunately because he hates it~ but if you're any other kind of guy you're just... you're some guy to him #yes if you're young he'll adopt you too but begrudgingly-- KLDGFGKLFDHGJF #if you're a they/them you're his kid already are you kidding that's your mum #OH I JUST HAD A TERRIBLE THOUGHT so do you know om*g*verse?? regardless of how you feel about it #it do be a thing and i just had this horrible thought about how if pat were a real guy in an established canon #he'd probs get the feminisation treatment amiright?? NO LISTEN HE USED TO BE A HUGE WOLF #AND HE'S ACTUALLY FILLED WITH SO MUCH RAGE AND WRONGED PRIDE #patrick is gentle when he likes you and because he's Smart he doesn't just BITE out of nowhere he's always been like that #Fenris was known for being INCREDIBLY well-spoken BUT ALSO A HUGE PROUD WOLF #LIKE BIG WOLF-- it doesn't show but he's Very Proud and STRONG and ?????? #;queue #i picked a gif came back and realized i lost it there for a sec NO MATTER makes for good entertainment

[publicuniversalenemy]

why is everything so GODDAMN expensive

#im writing a budget for when i move out bc thats the kind of guy i am #and even assuming that there are few to no unexpected expenses on a regular basis #and planning to live like a monk #AND planning to share a studio or one bedroom with another person #i am still $20 a month over what I'll be making at $23 an hour (15 hours a week) #which yeah it's just another hour of work or so but FUCK #i'm being as frugal as can be in this hypothetical #like living out of bulk bins for food and barely using my car to save on gas and sharing a tiny ass living space #and putting very little money aside for saving #and spending NOTHING on eating out/ordering in or presents for other people or anything #and this doesnt even take in to account tuition/school expenses #which i'm hoping $500 a month from my parents will largely cover #(here's to hoping i get a shit ton in scholarships n shit) #but anyways yeah. money amiright? #whatever the fuck

[totopopopo]

Very often I ask myself. Would my high school English teacher be proud of where I am in life? And sometimes I’m not sure, but I know in my heart, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if he found out that earlier today I followed a strange 52 man with bad vibes behind a school to the dude’s car so said strange 52 year old man with bad vibes could give me a knife, my high school English teacher would beat me within an inch of my goddamn life. ooooh my god. he would be SO UPSET WITH ME. And u know what. That’s valid

#it’s just funny bc he used to make fun of me bc I said I wanted a knife and he was like okay sure and I was like I’m going to make a knife #fuck you I’m going to forge my own knife and make it fuck you! and he was always like. no you’re not #and I was thinking ha. take that. i have a knife now #before remembering that IF HE KNEW HOW I GOT IT HE WOULD BE SOOOO DISSAPOINTED IN ME ITS SO NOT EVEN REMOTELY FUNNY. #while at the same time it is extremely hilarious #ALSO I PROMMY THE SITUATION WAS MILDLY SAFER THAN I MAKE IT SOUND. MY BOSS CAME WITH ME SO I WASNT ALONE GETTING THE KNIFE. #AND IT WASNT A RANDOM DUDE IT WAS A GUY WHO WORKS IN THE SAME BUILDING AS ME so no harm no foul amiright #but also don’t do this

[jorgecrespo]

for my mom's 50th birthday we're going to a hotel with a swimming pool because she wants that and it's her big 5-0 it's a big deal i have such violent visions of her dying that it stops me in my tracks 😍

#same with my cats #but obvi losing a whole mom is a bit different #those little fucks better make it to 20 at least #i havent swam in a pool in fifteen years so hopefully i dont drowm and die : ( #all of this is so relatable amiright guys !!! #kal talks

[greatshell-rider]

okay last thoughts for the end of treason’s shore. lots happens in the last couple chapters so i thought it’d be better if i just bullet pointed rather than make a million one sentence posts :p

- what the fuck was tau even up to for the thirty odd years between dropping inda off on shore and picking retired!evred up at ala larkadhe. gimme a book about THAT smith. pls

- thank every god above and beneath that evred was a good dad, enough to be called “papa-evred” HELLO my heart. i would die for his kids. “The magic rings he had given to his sons; Hastred and Tanrid seemed to like knowing where the other was.” hi yes i love brothers. brothers yes

- both hastred and tanrid being autistic 😌👌👌

- fox’s old smile when he tells inda he renamed the knife “treason”. we love ourselves a bastard

- inda’s son jarend being like tanrid (og) but protecting kenda rather than “training” him by beatings. kenda making everyone laugh (you just know he Does put eggs in the rider’s shoes like dogpiss!kendrid)

- vedrid rode with evred to ala larkadhe but i wonder what he did afterwards. probably didn’t tag along with evred and tau as awkward third wheel :p

- we don’t get any more about signi, valda, durasnir, rajnir, or any of the venn! i don’t know if we ever learn more about signi and inda’s kiddo. imagine having signi as your mom damn i’ll sign up

- hey wait a second where did fox stash the knife so no one stole it :sus: unless it just stayed with the marlovan navy lol. hey barend make sure nothing happens to my magic dragon-prowed ghost ship imma want it back someday :)

- sorry but i am just gonna be miserable that inda didn’t get to spend the rest of his life with all of his friends together. why can’t tenthen castle and sailing the sea exist in the same place huh??? explain that one to me smh

- more to be said about inda and tdor but i’d just ramble on gnashing my teeth about various things so. im glad the healer mage could help his arm enough for him to do drills and go on border rides :)

- “Tdor had a new habit, watching Inda’s training sessions with Jarend, Kendred, Whipsticks’ Tanrid, and the other castle boys. They so often ended up with dust flying as Inda and his sons wrestled until Inda lay laughing in the dirt, the boys leaping on his stomach with no discipline whatsoever. Tdor could not explain to herself the dizzying, sharp-edged elation the sight gave her. But sometimes the bliss was so intense it made her weep.”

#thank fuck marlovans don't reuse the same names every generation otherwise it'd get real tough clarifying which character is which yknow :p #wahoo thinking about tdor's making/rending nets theory and signi's outlook on life/hope/joy and tdor's final insights on pain and memory and #death and life #wahoo! thinking #thinking about generational trauma and hot rocks seeing 'the bigger world' and how inda and evred raised their kids as opposed to themselves #fox choosing to put aside his anger at the montrei-vayirs in favor of putting his foot in the door for his son #how inda and hadand teaching evred odni taught him that change was possible mhmm #breaking promises is sometimes a good thing. tau telling evred he did right even if the morvende keep the magical archive closed to him #wahoo thoughts! #it's a good series brent. banner of the damned is coming in the mail so i'll probably reread that soon lmao. ALSO REALLY TEMPTED TO REREAD #TIME OF DAUGHTERS CUZ THEY'RE ALSO V FUCKIN GOOD AND ALSO I THINK HAVE BITS AND PIECES ON FOX'S ADVENTURES SOOOOOO #wooo time of daughters is good tho. man. connar tho amiright lsdkfjlsd what a guy #inda quartet #sartorias-deles #whoo just thought about inda again and nearly went insane again my gods. gnashing teeth. anyway

[boydepartment]

nishimura riki boyfriend playlist °‧ 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 ·｡

10 songs- 10 scenarios :) - masterlist - fluff & angst sorry

⋆˙⟡ apple cider- beabadoobee

જ⁀➴ you didn’t know he was an idol at all. he was touring your city and you knew of the group. you actually WANTED to go but fuck hybe and their ticketing amiright up top okay! 🖐️👏 anyways. he walked in a cafe where you were studying and immediately he felt drawn to you. being stupid riki didn’t know what to say so he approached you and asked you to help him order. you thought it was weird but who were you to turn down helping someone with pretty eyes and cool earrings?

⋆˙⟡ do you believe in magic- the lovin’ spoonful

જ⁀➴ riki can’t believe that he bagged you. obviously he has an ego he’s a teenage boy. but when HE bagged YOU. you agreed to go on a date with him without knowing he was an idol at first, oh he was bouncing off the walls. he wondered if magic really was real

⋆˙⟡ kiss me- sixpence none the richer

જ⁀➴ you and riki have a very uplifting relationship for the most part. obviously there’s ups and downs and issues, but whenever you’re both stressed just taking in eachother is enough to end the day. small kisses on the cheek, lips, hands, are very common between you two.

⋆˙⟡ i don’t smoke- mitski

જ⁀➴ rough patches. you’re both young (hopefully you’re BOTH young. (¬_¬) you AND him are YOUNG and you’re NOT over the legal drinking age in america while he’s 18) so there’s going to be flare ups in the relationship where he gets snappy and kinda mean. riki is only human and he apologizes right after, but he’s human and shit happens. you’re understanding and you have your moments too where you’re tired of life and snap at him aswell. the important thing is, you try for eachother and you try for yourselves.

⋆˙⟡ come and get your love- redbone

જ⁀➴ whenever you visit him in korea, it ends in a lot of late night time in the kitchen or living room. holding back laughter and tiptoeing everywhere is so funny to you both. trying to dance in the kitchen while accidentally falling over and making a HUGE crash has definitely happened.

⋆˙⟡ somewhere in neverland- all time low

જ⁀➴ you guys go out late a lot. when you vacation to him or he vacations to you on the rare occasion, you both kinda become nocturnal temporarily. when you guys walk around at night you don’t have to worry. riki doesn’t bother wearing a privacy mask and he can relax. he wishes everyday could be like this sometimes. riki would never tell you that though, that he wishes he could freeze time during your late night walks to the store.

⋆˙⟡ melty love- shazna

જ⁀➴ riki likes to spin you. that sounds so random and stupid but he thinks it’s funny. if you wear a nice outfit and are insecure about it he will grab your hand and spin you. hyping you up. it’s almost embarrassing how he hypes you up so it makes you feel better because hearing “OH YEAH!” “YEAH!” “OOOO SLAAAY” “OOOOO!!!” “💪💪💪” “YOU ATE!” from your boyfriend is way more embarrassing than the outfit you’re wearing.

⋆˙⟡ アイワナビー - stance punks

જ⁀➴ sometimes he gets upset he can’t be the boyfriend he wants to be. you have no issue with him being busy, or let alone in a different country more than half the time. it didn’t upset you or even offend you. but it offends riki, it upsets him. you’ll send him those cute relationship trends (on melancholy hill - gorillaz COUGH COUGH) and be like “omg let’s do this when you visit/i visit :) “ and as much as he loves the sentiment sometimes he gets upset he can’t do the trend with you NOW.

⋆˙⟡ cupid - fifty fifty

જ⁀➴ goofy coded bf. the second the relationship got to the point where he didn’t have to “act cool” anymore… dude this mf is WEEEEIRRD…. not in an unsettling way though. more in a “is that my shirt? are you wearing my shirt?” “yeah does it look good on me?” while being completely serious

⋆˙⟡ pretty boy - the neighborhood

જ⁀➴early mornings are both your favorites. especially when the other one is still asleep. you both WOULD NEVER admit this to the other one either but, you both have this habit where if you wake up first as cliche and stupid as it is, you’ll admire the other one. trying to memorize features. bumps, acne, smile and frown lines, sun kisses, etc.

⟡ extra- seasons - wave to earth

➴ depending how long you two are together, watching him grow and being his biggest cheerleader is one of your favorite things of just being around him in general. watching him grow as an idol and getting to be proud of him makes the hardships worth it to you.

i was gonna add another extra but i’m gatekeeping… that’s my song for him i am not sharing sorry 🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️

#enhypen #kpop #enha #enhypen imagines #enha imagines #enhypen x reader #enhypen scenarios #nishimura riki #nishimura riki comfort #nishimura riki angst #nishimura riki scenarios #enhypen nishimura riki #nishimura riki imagines #nishimura riki x reader #nishimura riki icons #enha niki #niki enhypen #jungwon imagines #heeseung imagines #sunghoon imagines #jay park imagines #jake sim imagines #sunoo imagines #niki imagines #niki x reader #niki #enhypen comfort #enha comfort #enhypen icons #enhypen reactions

[pa-pa-plasma]

i hate arguing with people on the internet. this fucker legit just told me humans destroyed all life and tundra in North America 6000 years ago exactly and the best way to get all that back is to clone mammoths. like BITCH WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING TALKING ABOUT?????

#OH SO SUDDENLY CANADA DOESNT HAVE A TUNDRA OR MUSKOX OR CARIBOU ANYMORE OKAY #mammoths ate grass. you wanna know what ALSO eats grass?? #literally so many animals. so many #and you know what? muskox eating grass hasnt made it snow any harder as far as i know #and their answer to me asking ''who's gonna be population control?''? #DIRE WOLVES #CLONE THOSE TOO I GUESS #FUCK GREY WOLVES AMIRIGHT? #not to mention DIRE WOLVES MOSTLY ATE HORSES!!!!!!!!! #NO ONE FUCKS WITH ELEPHANTS BRO THAT'S WHY THEY'RE SO FUCKING BIG #i need to fucking lay down this guy is driving me insane

[sunandflame]

So, I have it in my head that Kyojuro’s nipples are really sensitive (and if he doesn’t have much experience then I don’t think he would know that), but I think someone could get him real hot and bothered just by playing with them (and fuck it is so hot when big strong guys like their titties played with, amiright??)

🥹🙏🏼 could please have a drabble of someone figuring that out? Maybe both him and whoever’s getting their paws under his shirt figuring it out together? Sitting in his lap and teasing him for however long —light, tiny little pinches that make him squirm and whimper, warm, swirling circles with your fingertips that make his jaw drop open, fluttering nudges and flicks that make his hips buck under you. Anything you do to them gets a reaction, could do it for hours, but five minutes of it and he’s a wiggly, panting mess, but he doesn’t want you to stop so you try putting one in your mouth and—- 😈🥵

Dear anon baby, you are so fucking right. This is indeed very hot. When I saw this I KNEW this was way too good to dismiss this delicious idea. I am just so sorry for answering this so late. I hope you are still around and I hope you enjoy it!

Weak Spot

Warnings: suggestive, nipple play, nipple teasing, dry humping, smut

Word Count: 701

Pairing: Kyojuro x Reader

crossposted on AO3

You were sitting on your favorite place in this whole world and that was your boyfriend's lap. You liked how his muscular and big thighs felt under your thighs. In the beginning of your relationship you were so self conscious, not sure if your weight crushed him, but Kyojuro assured you that you weighed nothing for him. After you made sure that he was not lying to make you feel better for your weight, you started to sit more often on his lap as this was a way to be as close as possible. 

It was winter and you started to feel cold, searching for some heat that you knew that your boyfriend would provide. Your mind was absent when your hand wandered under his shirt, laying your hand on his chest and stroking his skin. 

A little gasp was to be heard and you lifted your head to see into your boyfriend's eyes who was starting to blush. 

“Kyojuro honey, are you okay?”  Curious you furrowed your eyebrows

“Hm, yes yes. It’s nothing!”

“If you say so…” 

You thought nothing of it and placed your head on his shoulder again and continued your stroking. Your fingers accidentally brushed his nipples and then you heard it again. That little sweet gasp of his. Can it be…? Now your hands slid over his chest not involuntarily but carefully, brushing against his nipple until you heard him holding back a whimper. Oh he is sensitive there… A mischievous idea came into your mind and your fingers were now circling around his nipple to tease him lightly. 

“My flame…” His voice was strained, as he was trying to gain his last self control, his face completely red. “Please…”

“Please what…?” Your fingers didn’t stop drawing circles around his nipple until you decided to give them a very slight flick. That caused him to buck his hip under you. He realized what he had just done and his face turned into a scarlet tone, embarrassed over his own reaction.

You undid his shirt and revealed those sweet manly titties that you were keen to explore now. You continued to stroke them with your fingers. And his jaw actually fell open when you were fluttering nudges and started to flick his nipples. The bulge of his, under your lap, was pushing against your ass and thigh. His skin was too hot and you decided that he needed a cool off by your mouth.

You drawed out your tongue, licking first his chest before you finally got to your desired target. You heard him whimper as he wiggled under you but did nothing to push you away. He enjoyed this far too much even if you overstimulated him.

Kyojuro was truly a mess. It was the first time he experienced those things and he was not sure how further he could go. His skin was tingling and feeling hot. His pants were incredibly tight and he worried that his zipper wouldn’t hold his dick anymore if you continued to play with his chest like this. Things didn't get any better when you started to dry hump him, causing more friction. That’s it. It was impossible to hold back his moan. He grabbed tightly on your waist as he tried to stop your hips from moving. 

His strength was remarkable and something that had always turned you on, but this did not stop you from continuing your play with his nipples. So you went further, licked and bit his chest, eliciting all those sweet moans and whimpers from him, while his hands bruised your waist. You did not mind at that point. You would wear those love marks with pride. 

You did a quick cat lick. It felt so deliciously warm after all that preparation you had done. So beautiful red and puckered. You sunk your teeth into his nipple and that was the moment where he came undone, trembling as he gasped for air. You felt how his cock was twitching under you and a wet spot forming on his pants. A satisfied smile was on your lips as you gave him a kiss on his lips.

“I guess we found out your weak spot, my love.”

#sunnys work #sunny answers ☀︎ #demon slayer #demon slayer drabble #kimetsu no yaiba drabble #kimetsu no yaiba #kny #kny drabble #kyojuro rengoku #kyojuro x you #kyojuro x reader #kyojuro x y/n #rengoku kyojuro #rengoku x y/n #rengoku x you #rengoku x reader #fluff #dom reader #dom!reader #sub!kyojuro #sub kyojuro #chubby reader #chubby!reader #kyojuro smut #kny smut #smut

[privitivium]

thinkin about some kind of yan doctor or nurse. nurse would be a afab cutesy dude in that stereotypical "sexy" nurse outfit and amab doctor would look similar to herbert west from re-animator with the hair and glasses. strong jaw and shit.... ahem. goes off the rails, kinda all over the place as these are only ideas. Ahemhrm. some of it doesnt make sense im SORRY.

creep nurse/doctor x clueless, subtop reader

cw + for future references;; manipulation??,,; treating you like an idiot-ish, noncon touching, polite doctor is a freak, cutesy nurse is gross,, drugging ( receiving )

clueless idiot moron you, walks in for a mere checkup. you feel me? just a simple checkup!!! few days after your birthday... waiting in waiting room, nonchalantly staring at the wall and zoning out and making shapes with the swirly-design on the walls when ur name is called by the nurse, a cutesy frail lookin guy, interest is caught by nurse;; gets all blushy and shit, closing in on himself and rubbing his thighs together before leading you to the back to get ur weight and height with you trying to make small talk with no reply.. getting a little upset because you think the nurse is being moody but not engaging any further with a huff..,,

takin you to one of the backrooms. dude poking you with a stick and rubbing that damn popsicle stick all on your tongue - making you choke??? bro turns away toward the cabinets; back facing you, immediately sucking it off. ahem. takin a stethoscope and rubbin it all over ur chest under yr shirt n shit... the normal-ish routine of a normal-ish checkup - doing everything the doctor will do when he arrives.. and then he does! nurse off to the bathroom, masturbating with the fuckin tongue depressor he made you gag with in one of the very clean bathrooms,, doctor coming in, looking over ur charts and ranting to you about some random shit about his day, happily listening as the doctor was a bit more chatty than the cutesy lil nurse..

"yeah, it was pretty busy today... this nurse has been getting on my nerves, i've been thinking about asking to have him transferred.." , asking how your day was as he checks your throat out with a tongue depressor like the nurse did,,, "so how was ur day, hun?" while having a popsicle stick down ur throat... dick bulging as he runs a stethoscope over your chest, cold nitrile gloved hands brushing over your nipples briefly,,, telling you to take deep breaths before moving toward your back - briefly wandering over ur muscles before listening to your lungs - a shiver crawling up his spine,, "you're doin real good for me, champ..." ahem. champ..? doctor says you're all good, patting your shoulder with a bright, gleeful smileㅡbut you should totally come back in a few days, as i'm prescribing you some medicine!

what?? medicine?? looking at him all questioning and saying, "really? whats this for." while shaking the orange bottle.. so quickly he prepared this? jeez.. he waves you off, "for ur immune system - vitamins, don't be silly." you didnt come in here to be prescribed some... what the hell is this - you cant even read this shit. uh...

really? come back again so soon?? yeah, sure alright.. doctors orders and all that.. you shrug it off, take the dosage he prescribed you when home and gettin rock fucking hard and having to repeatedly jerk off just for ur erection to start softening.. layin in ur filth, overstimulated and ultimately tired.. doctors orders and all that, saying that you had to take one a day.. ugh.. doctors orders suck amiright. you did get some sort of reaction like that when taking sleeping medicine but not to the extent of getting an actual erection. hmrmm... not suspicious at all :3

"no, no, you gotta stay more, trust. something is totally wrong with you... have you been taking ur vitamins i prescribed??" you have no family or friends to tell you that no, that place is a fucking wreck with doctors with literally no actual qualifications. LOL

going back the week after for another checkup as the doctor called it, being tired as he trails his nitrile gloved hands over your throat and chest.. asking how the vitamins are treating you and you tell him straight up, "they give me boners that last a while even after i nut.. that normal?" while scratching the back of your head... "yeaah! that happens in the very beginning, but don't worry, that'll go away..." is in awe, lowkey, as he touches the hands that you stroked ur dick with. Ahem. doctor tells you to come back next week ... and you do, nurse guiding you again, and you tell him its good to see him.. which he eagerly says the same, nurse is pretty chatty with you.. happily making conversation about ur shirt and saying he totally likes that band or whatever!!

going over your "charts" and says he needs a sample of your spit / urine?? for the doctor to test becuz its totally regulation, totally unaware that he totally had that he added the sample to his growing shrine in the basement that only had a few tissues and the popsicle stick with a grainy picture of you he took over the cameras in the hall... a copied tape of the feed containing you and all that... freak. so weirded out when they tell you to put on one of the hospital gowns and follow them to the larger area that turns into an actual hospital rather than office..,,,

#ocs =͟͟͞͞★ #“polite” doctor and cute nurse ... #x male reader #male reader #x top male reader #top male reader #yandere doctor #yandere nurse! #subtop reader

[minisugakoobies]

The Rules - Part 1 | Bang Chan

Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader Genre: smut, crack, strangers to lovers, Weddingl!AU Rating: M (18+) Warnings: drinking, kissing, exhibitionism, reader gets fingerfucked in public, dirty talk, a little bit of praise, Fuckboi!Chan has a tongue ring and a lip ring, his charisma is off the charts, reader's got impulse control problems Word Count: 4K Disclaimers: NSFW, obviously I don’t own SKZ - they just inspire me

Summary: When your cousin asked you to be a bridesmaid, she gave you three simple rules to follow. Number one: Don't be late. Number two: Don't get super wasted. And rule number three: Don't fuck Chan.

A/N: This came from a request sent by @aprylynn back in, ummmm, let's not focus on how long this took and just enjoy 😆 This is just part 1, so let me know what you think - like if you want more! 💕

SKZ Masterlist

(dividers by @/saradika)

When your cousin asked you to be a bridesmaid, she gave you three simple rules to follow:

Number one: Don't be late. "To be early is to be on time. To be on time is to be late. To be late is to get cut out of the family. Don't think Halmeoni won't drop you from her will if I ask."

Number two: Don't get super wasted. "What if I have a bridal emergency and you're completely zooted, upchucking wine spritzers in the bathroom?" As if you'd drink a wine spritzer.

And rule number three: Don't fuck Chan.

She announced the third rule the first time you gathered with her and her other bridesmaids to discuss wedding details. Chan, it turned out, was her fiancé's "Best Bro" from his college frat days.

"Binnie was in a frat? Huh," was your response upon learning this new factoid.

Sun Hee rolled her eyes. "I know, it's weird, but he's grown up a lot since I met him. Chan, on the other hand…" she grimaced. "He's a fuckboy. Of the highest magnitude. S-class. A summa cum fuckboy."

"More like a someone's gonna come fuckboy, amiright?" maid of honor Ji-won snarked, cracking herself up, but she quickly stopped when Sun Hee gave her the evil eye.

"And that's bad because…" you drawled.

"Because every goddamn time one of my friends hooks up with his slutty ass, they completely lose their shit. And I! Do! Not! Have the time to deal with the fallout!" Sun Hee clapped her hands after each word, like a deranged cheerleader. "So keep your hands and your holes away from that man!"

At first, when you met the groomsmen at the engagement party, you thought to yourself that Sun Hee's rule was unnecessary. Apparently, Changbin only hung out with other ridiculously good-looking guys. Any one of them could probably show you an amazing time, if you so desired. 

And then Bang Chan walked in.

Out of curiosity, you'd looked the guy up, scouring Changbin's insta for old photos. Just so you could see what all the fuss was about. It was pretty easy to identify why Sun Hee's friends were apparently throwing themselves at the man, between his muscular build, his warm eyes, and his heart-melting smile. And as a semi-famous music producer, he's a star on the rise, which only adds to his allure. But holy shit, you were not prepared for the charisma.

He strolled into the room in a leather jacket like he was walking onto a stage, radiating confidence from every inch of his rather thick frame, as if expecting an audience to start applauding at his presence. Maybe that's why you weren't surprised to see Changbin and his friends light up as they caught sight of their friend.

Of course, they weren't the only ones to notice him.

"Oh damn, look at the snack that just walked in," Ji-won whispered, tugging on your sleeve. "He's tasty."

"Yeah he is," another bridesmaid, Hae, piped up. "Is it too late to call dibs?"

"Gawi bawi bo!" Ji-won suddenly yelled, but you grabbed her hand as she threw a scissors symbol into the air.

"Sorry, ladies, but the bride's rules trump rock, paper, and scissors. That's Chan."

“That’s Chan? Well, shit.” Ji-won pauses. “Okay. Dibs on Jisung!” 

“Wait a minute!”

Ignoring the horny squabbling going on beside you, you discreetly ogle Chan over the rim of your cocktail. Changbin really needs to update his insta, because you were not prepared for Chan’s blond hair. Or the lip ring. Or, fuck, you nearly choke on your old fashioned as Chan laughs and something silvery inside his open mouth catches your eye. Is that a tongue ring too?!

This man could not be more your type. Absolute catnip, and your kitty is eager for a taste.

Whoa now. Deep breaths. You can do this. You have to do this, because otherwise you’ll let your cousin down. You can practically hear her disapproving tone right now. 

“Don’t even think about it.” 

With a startled jump, you realize Sun Hee is standing next to you. 

“Think about what?” you inquire, stirring your drink super casually. Like the most casually anyone’s ever stirred anything. Unbothered little rotations. 

Sun Hee is not easily dissuaded. “Don’t play dumb. You know exactly what I mean.” 

“I promise you, I’m not thinking anything.” If only that were true. You’d give anything to be head empty no thoughts right now. 

“I really wish I believed that,” Sun Hee sighs. “We both know you have a problem with… self-control.” 

You open your mouth to argue, but she merely points to the glass in your hand, and you quickly snap it shut. You’ve only been at the party for maybe half an hour, and this is your second drink.

Sun Hee’s not wrong. It’s well known to all your friends that you have a tendency to eagerly embrace all the delights life has to offer. Maybe “eagerly” isn’t the right word. “Greedily” might be more accurate. Often, unfortunately, to your detriment. But how can you resist, when the universe is constantly throwing so many pleasures your way - especially when they come in such gorgeous packages as Chan?

“Yeah, okay, maybe sometimes I indulge myself a little, but I told you I wouldn’t sleep with him, so relax, okay? I’m not going to do anything to ruin your big day. I promise you!” 

Sun Hee squints as she examines your face. Whatever she sees makes her smile, shoulders dropping in relief. “Thank you. Now let’s get this party started!” 

As she and Changbin greet their guests, you take another long look at Chan. He turns suddenly, catching your eye. Your breathing nearly stops when his gaze sweeps over you from head to toe. Then he smirks, tongue ring flashing as he licks his lips. 

Fuck. Okay. You can do this. You just need to exert a little willpower. Reign in those bad instincts of yours. Should be a piece of cake. 

Right?

Somehow, the god of parties is on your side. Maybe it’s the drink you spill as you look for a spot to sit for dinner that pleases them - your tipsy faux pas is accepted as an offering. Whatever the reason, you manage to dodge Chan all evening. 

He does offer you the seat next to him at dinner, but Ji-won waves you over to her table, so you refuse him with a polite shake of your head. Ji-won quickly engages you in assisting her with talking to Jisung, but all you end up saying is “Hey Jisung, haaave you met Ji-won?” before Ji-won takes over. Gal’s a talker, which is good, because Jisung’s a bit on the quiet side. Or maybe he just can’t find a place to jump into the conversation, since Ji-won doesn’t appear to need to breathe in order to speak. 

After dinner comes more cocktails and gifts. While the maid of honor hands out gifts for Sun Hee and Changbin to open, you ignore Chan’s smile in favor of writing a list of who brought what, to help your cousin with her thank you notes later. Your Halmeoni would be so proud. 

By the time the festivities wind down, you feel you’ve dodged a bullet. As everyone says their goodbyes, you linger behind, helping your cousin and Changbin carry their ridiculous haul of presents into their car. The trunk is stuffed full as you attempt to shove one more box onto the pile, only for an avalanche of ribbons and envelopes to send it clattering to the ground. 

“Here, let me,” a pleasant voice hums in your ear as your fingers extend, reaching for the box, only for it to be swept up by another hand. And, of course, that hand is connected to the man you’ve been carefully avoiding all night. Guess the party gods have abandoned you.

“Thank you,” you reply politely, studiously avoiding his eyes as Chan beams at you. Jesus, he could literally light up a room with that megawatt smile. 

“No worries.” He helps to push some of the packages back, preventing another deluge. “I’m Chan, by the way. I didn’t get a chance to introduce m’self earlier.” 

You grant him a quick smile as you state your name, then glance over his shoulder, looking for backup - someone you can excuse yourself to catch up to, pretend they’re your ride home. But of course, everyone else is gone now, and your cousin and Changbin are back inside the restaurant, settling the bill. 

“Am I holding you up from something?” 

“Hmm?” You finally let yourself meet his gaze. It’s like you’ve been hit with the full force of the sun. Chan’s smile intensifies, eyes crinkling as he laughs lightly, and it’s too late, you can already feel yourself melting. 

“You look like you’re looking for something. Or someone?” 

“Oh. No, sorry, I was just making sure I hadn’t dropped anything on the way to the car,” you lie, clearing your throat awkwardly. 

Chan nods, sliding his hands into his pockets as he leans against the car. “So… you’re Sun Hee’s cousin, right?”

You nod. 

“She told me that you live here too,” he says. “It’s been years since I’ve been in town. I was thinking - since I’m gonna be here a few times between now and the wedding, I should find someone who can show me around a bit. Let me know what’s good.” He rolls his tongue over his lip ring. “Think you could help me out?”

Every time he drags his eyes down your body, you have to suppress a shiver of anticipation. He’s being incredibly obvious about what he means by showing him what’s good. 

“I - “ can’t think of a valid excuse because you’re too busy picturing what he can do with that tongue ring. “I don’t know how much free time I’ll have, with everything Sun Hee needs me to do for the wedding. She’s gonna be so busy. So, um, I don’t think I can. Help you.” Not your smoothest response, but not the worst, either.

Chan’s eyebrow rises slightly. He looks away, nodding. “Right, of course. Can’t let your cousin down, can ya? So…” He pushes himself off the car, taking a step towards you. “What about tonight then? Any plans?” 

Not a single one. An alarm goes off in your head as he takes another step closer. “Tonight?” 

“Yeah. Maybe we could go somewhere and talk? I know I could just ask ‘Bin for suggestions, but…” he shrugs. “He’s pretty busy too. And honestly? He’s gotten all mellow on me. Too boring and settled-down, y’know?” 

You laugh at his bluntness. “Binnie’s always been this way, as long as I’ve known him. You’re telling me he used to be different?” 

“Oh, you have no idea,” he hums, winking. “The stories I could tell… why don’t you let me buy you a drink, and maybe I’ll share a few?”

It’s very tempting, especially the thought of hearing some (hopefully) embarrassing tales about Changbin. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad? One drink wouldn’t be too much, even given how much you’ve already had this evening. You’ll give him some suggestions of places to check out while he’s in town, he’ll divulge some of Binnie’s college shenanigans, and then you’ll say you’re tired and bounce. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

And then suddenly it’s two hours and several drinks later, and you’re nowhere near home. 

You had originally suggested going to a favorite spot, a bar owned by a friend where you could drink for cheap (and also potentially have someone who could bail you out if things with Chan got a little hot and heavy), but upon arriving had found it closed for repairs of some sort. Chan’s hotel just happened to be a block away and it just happened to have a really nice bar, so you thought, why not?

Why not, indeed, you’re thinking to yourself, playing with the melting ice in your empty glass. Why not sit side-by-side in the booth, so you can hear each other better? You really didn’t want to miss a single word he said. Why not let Chan drape his arm around your shoulders, since the bar has the air conditioning set to arctic blast and your sundress is not nearly as warm as its namesake? 

Chan has been nothing but a polite gentleman since you sat down, keeping you laughing with all of his deliciously embarrassing tales, to the point that your worries about crossing the line so firmly set by Sun Hee fade from your mind. 

“And after that, we were banned from ever visiting Ikea again,” Chan finishes, a crooked grin crossing his face as he waits for you to stop laughing.

You wipe a tear from the corner of your eye. “I cannot believe Binnie did that! That is… just the greatest story I’ve ever heard,” you inform him. “Thank you so, so much for sharing that.” 

Chan nods, leaning back against the vinyl of the booth seat. “Now, you’re not gonna run off and snitch to Changbin, are you? Tell him I’ve divulged all his dirty secrets?” 

You press your hand to your chest, looking scandalized. “Absolutely not! I would never. Everything you’ve told me stays with me.” You pause. “Until I need it.” 

“Fair.” His grin returns, cheekier than ever. “If you’re gonna use it for blackmail, I will be expecting a cut. Just to warn ya.” 

A server stops by your table to grab your empty glasses and drop off the check. It feels like the perfect opportunity to bring the night to a close - thank Chan for the drinks, since he didn’t even attempt to argue with you about paying, simply dropped his card on the tray, thank him for the gossip, and bid him a good evening. 

But no. You’re you, and so instead of saying “Thank you” or “Good night,” you say,

“I think we could come to an arrangement.” 

Chan tilts his head, eyes roaming from your smiling lips down to your goose-dimpled thighs and back, and you realize you may have miscalculated a bit. Because the sweet expression on his face has vanished, replaced by a look of hunger so ravenous, your pulse quickens - the primal reaction of prey realizing it’s exactly where a hunter wants it. 

“Could we now?” He shifts slightly, the arm around your shoulders falling between you as he signs the receipt. He taps the pen on the table. “I like the sound of that.” 

You do too, which is why there are klaxons suddenly blaring in your head. You should really leave. Instead of sliding further into the corner of the booth as Chan casually leans forward, blocking your view of the rest of the bar. 

That’s when the hand that was at Chan’s side creeps its way onto your exposed thigh. 

“I…” you trail off, totally engrossed by his fingers as they roam, unable to tear your eyes away. They’re more callused than you’d expected, roughened tips catching slightly on your soft skin in an enticing manner. “I do too.” 

He’s just a whisper away now, deep brown eyes fixed on your mouth as he smiles, a warm thing that sharpens as he says, “Maybe we should hammer out some terms? Y’know, just in case? We don’t have to talk here…” His hand slips ever so slightly down the inward curve of your thigh. “We can take this to my room. For privacy. Unless…” 

Sucking in a breath, you meet his eyes, and let your legs fall open just a bit. Chan huffs out a pleased laugh and his hand disappears beneath your skirt. 

The klaxons in your brain are completely silent now, but thankfully the bar is not. The jazzy music drifting down from the overhead speakers covers your tiny whimper when Chan skims his fingers along the newly formed damp patch in your underwear. 

“Mmm, someone seems to be into the idea of being touched in public. Are you into that, love?” 

As a matter of fact, you are, and it’s one of the many vices that’s gotten you in trouble in the past. You just can’t help yourself. Just like right now, even knowing you should walk away, that you might make a mess of things, you’re unable to stop. 

You don’t want to stop, so you nod. 

He arranges himself so he’s propped his head up on his elbow on the table. To anyone looking at your table, it just looks like the two of you are absorbed in deep conversation, huddled close, but not close enough to cause anyone’s eye to linger. 

Or so you hope, biting your lip to stifle a whine when Chan’s fingers push your panties aside.

“Good. Cause I am, too.” And then he’s pressed his finger inside you, groaning quietly at how easily it glides through your folds. His tongue plays with the small hoop nestled in the center of his plush bottom lip. “Oh, shit, you really like this. So fucking wet, dirty girl.”

There’s no reason to argue with him. If it wasn’t clear by the ridiculous amount of slick between your legs, it’s clear by the way you cant your hips forward, trying to urge him to slip his whole middle finger in too as he teases you with the tip. With a throaty chuckle, he obliges. 

“There you go. Is that what you needed?” 

“Mmm,” you hum, muffling your moan with pursed lips. He strokes inside you languidly, enjoying the choked breaths that punch their way out of your throat, before adding another finger. 

You bow your head slightly, trying to hide behind Chan, who leans forward with a smirk, close enough for his lips to brush your cheek. If you turned your face a little, you could kiss him right now, but you’re too focused on the way he’s playing your pussy like one of his soundboards, tweaking and fondling just right, to do anything but try to breathe. 

“Can I tell you something?” he whispers. 

“A-anything.” 

“I had my eye on you all during the party. Kept trying to get your attention, wanted to convince you to go home with me tonight. ‘M glad it worked out.” 

“Who, hnngh, who said I’m going home with you?” you manage to spit out around your groans. 

Chan’s fingers still. “Wait, you don’t wanna come back to my room?” 

“I didn’t say that.” The look he gives you makes you feel dangerous, having such an irresistible man hanging on your every word. It’s such an intoxicating power. “I just meant I’m not convinced y-yet, fuck.” 

You stutter as Chan starts tracing your inner walls, caressing your g-spot hard enough to make you curse. He’s accepted the gauntlet you’ve thrown down with surprising speed, and you suck on the insides of your cheeks, biting gently into your own mouth to keep from shouting out loud.

“Something you should know about me, love - ‘m a bit competitive. I don’t back down from challenges.” 

Chan’s fingers plunge faster and faster, alternating thrusts with strokes. The more his speed increases, the more his arm flexes, biceps rippling under his tight t-shirt. If the bartender were to just glance over, he’d see the way your head is tipped back in ecstasy, and there’s no denying the pleasure flitting across your face. You could be caught so easily.

“Look at you, taking it so well. Bet you’d look so good taking my cock.”

Your eyes fall to the obvious bulge in Chan’s lap. You just know he’d feel so good. Why didn’t you take this to his room? You could be riding him right now. 

Oh well, you’ll just have to let him keep fingering you until you cum all over his hand in the middle of this bar. 

You’re getting close now, but his plunging fingers aren’t quite enough to give you what you so desperately desire. Unashamed to beg for what you want, you gasp out, “More,” hands balling into fists as tight as the knot inside you. 

Chan smirks. His thumb finds your clit. You find the edge. And fall right over. 

“Shiiiiit,” you groan, thighs twitching together, muscles contracting to trap Chan’s hand as an orgasm overtakes you, shockingly fast. So he doesn’t back down from challenges and he’s an overachiever. 

“There you go, love,” he coos. Your abdomen shakes from the force of your climax. He slowly circles your oversensitive nub until he finally stops, and one final shudder passes through you. “Made such a mess for me.” 

Your only response is a string of curse words that would send Halmeoni right to her grave. Chan laughs, bringing his hand to his mouth, and you swear again as he thoroughly cleans his fingers with his tongue, rolling the little stud over and around.

“Have I convinced you now?” he asks, eyes gleaming, tone smug. So, so smug. It’s almost shameful how hot you find that. 

You’re definitely convinced of his skills. And if you go back to his room with him, there’s no telling what other talents he might share. 

Then again… if he works this hard to impress you now….

With a polite smile, you gently pat his arm, silently asking him to give you some space to shimmy your panties back into place. His eyebrow lifts as he waits for your answer.

“Not really.” 

Based on his dazed expression, it’s pretty evident that Chan has never gotten anything less than a rave response to his skills. How absolutely delightful. Your shoulders shake with suppressed laughter as he blinks at you. 

“Thank you for the drinks. But I should really get going, got a ton of stuff to do with Sun Hee in the morning.” Not a total lie, since you do have plans for brunch with your cousin and the other bridesmaids. But brunch never usually stops you from anything. 

“Come on, love - you really want to leave now?” He’s recovered from his shock, bringing a hand up to cup your cheek. “The night’s just getting started. That was just a small taste of what could happen.” He leans in, lips just brushing your ear as he murmurs, “Don’t you want more?”

Chan’s a fighter. Good to know.

“Mmm, maybe. But not tonight.”

He pulls back, searching your gaze. “You’re sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” You laugh, nudging him with your knee. Chan slowly rises to his feet, shuffling aside to let you out of the booth. The stupefied look is back. Baffled hunter realizing his trap didn’t spring. 

“Well… if you change your mind, you know where I am. Room 143.” 

He rubs the back of his neck as he speaks, and there’s something kind of sweet about it, like he’s a little unsure of himself, possibly for the first time in his life, so you place your hands lightly on his chest. Damn, he’s so solid. He could definitely rail you through the wall of this bar, if you so asked. 

But not tonight. 

“Sweet dreams, Chan.” Your words warms his lips as you cross the space between you. Even though his hands grip your hips, even though his tongue tastes like scotch, even though the moan he exhales sends shivers from your head to your toes, you break away, and head for the door. 

As you sit in the lobby, waiting for your ride, it’s impossible not to pat yourself on the back, gloating over your victory. You kept your promise to your cousin and got to tease an incredibly hot man into giving you an orgasm at the same time. But what strikes you the most was the wild glint you saw in Chan’s eye as you walked away. 

This is going to be so much fun. 

Masterlist 💜 Find me on AO3 💜 

© 2023 by minisugakoobies. Crossposted to AO3. Please do not copy or repost. I do not allow translations of my works.

#skz smut #stray kids smut #skz x reader #stray kids x reader #stray kids imagines #bang chan smut #skz fanfic #stray kids fanfic #skz x you #bang chan x reader #stray kids x you #skz imagines #skz scenarios #stray kids scenarios #bang chan fanfic #fic: the rules

[cuubism]

I feel like Hob very much has an "I'll try anything once" approach to life, so I think it would be extremely funny if Hob learned he was queer when some random guy propositioned him in a tavern and he was like fuck it, sure why not, anything once amiright? And then after he was like oh. Well then.

(This was before he met Dream of course. There's zero chance Hob saw Dream in 1389 being all posh and weird with his little eyeliner and emerged from that encounter still thinking himself a straight man.)

#i speak with authority having had a similar encounter with an ethereal (albeit not supernatural alas) being and emerging not straight #on the other hand 1389 dream being hob's gay awakening is also SO funny to me like #feelin some kinda way about a weird goth prince boy in a tavern amiright #who hasn't been there #hob gadling #dream of the endless #the sandman #dreamling