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#so bucky can come to terms w his feelings and THEN they can get together in a few months when steve is back
sarah-in-disguise · 2 years
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Pairing: Steve Rogers x Female Reader (past), Bucky Barnes x Female Reader (present)
Warnings: pregnant reader, time in a hospital, a super brief mention of childbirth, character dies of old age, a few swear words, and a little angst with lots of fluff
Summary: Building a life with Bucky has been everything you could’ve dreamed and more.  When Steve wants to give you and Bucky closure, will you take it?
Word Count: 6399 (this got way out of hand, but I couldn’t stop!)
A/N: After seeing people enjoy Run, I decided to write up a sequel tying up a few loose ends.  Since this is Run’s sequel, you should definitely take a few minutes to read that first.  At the end of the day, I’m just a sucker for all the angst followed by all the fluff.  Lastly, there are two written letters referenced in this.  Both of them are italicized so they stick out.  Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do NOT consent to have my work posted, translated or published to any third-party site or app.  This is a work of fiction and I do not own any characters in this story.  By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.  Moodboard picture sources are Google and Canva.
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“Bucky?”  After a few seconds without a response, you let out a huff and try once again to get up.  You’ve been trying to get out of this rocking chair on your front porch for the last five minutes, but your giant stomach makes everything harder these days.  With another kick to your bladder, you rock yourself back and forth a few more times hoping momentum will work in your favor.
It doesn’t.
“BUCK!”  Finally, you hear a crash followed by rushed footsteps.  Bursting through the front door, Bucky skids to a stop in front of you.  It’s a few days away from your due date, and he’s extra jumpy because of it.
“What do you need?  Is it time?  Do we need to go to the hospital?”  
“No, Bucky, I need you to help me out of this chair.”  You wince as your daughter delivers another swift kick inside you while Bucky helps you up.  “If your daughter doesn’t stop kicking soon, I may need to live in the bathroom until she comes out.”
With one hand on your arm and one on the small of your back, Bucky guides you inside and to the bathroom.  “How come whenever she’s making you uncomfortable, she’s my daughter?”  A smirk grows on Bucky’s face before he continues.  “Last time I checked, you had just as much to do with this as I did.”
You sigh in relief as the bathroom comes into view.  “Because until she’s made it to the outside world and we can take equal responsibility for her, she’s yours when she’s annoying.” 
Bucky lets out a chuckle before pausing at the bathroom door.  “Fair enough.  Are you good from here?”
“Yes, but can you get me something to eat while you wait?  Sarah brought over those brownies earlier.  Do we still have ice cream?”  Before Bucky can respond, you have another idea.  “Oh, and can you crumble potato chips on the top?  And add a drizzle of chocolate syrup!”
“Are you feeling OK?”  Bucky puts his hand on your forehead like he’s checking your temperature.  Another sly smirk appears before he adds, “that’s the most normal pregnancy craving you’ve had in months.”
You scoff as you shut the bathroom door.  “Remember, your baby, Barnes!”  Thankful for the railings Bucky and Sam temporarily installed in your bathroom a few months ago, you do your business in peace and hoist yourself up to wash your hands.
As you settle into the couch and wait for Bucky to return with your latest craving, you think back to how you got where you are today - new house, new husband, and baby on the way.
After making the decision to settle in Louisiana, you spent about a month looking at houses.  When you couldn’t find the perfect place to settle, Sarah offered some of her and Sam’s family property to build on.  Both Bucky and Sam were hesitant about living so close together, but you, Sarah, Cass, and AJ quickly convinced them it was exactly what you needed.
A few months later when the foundation was poured, Bucky brought you over for a sunset picnic to celebrate being one step closer to finishing the house.  After a bad pun comparing your relationship to the house foundation, Bucky was down on one knee.  You couldn’t say no to Bucky (or his bad puns), and a few weeks later you were married in front of your immediate family, the Wilson’s, and a few of your close friends.
When you started to feel sick a few weeks later on your honeymoon, you did the math and realized you were late.  After a few too many rounds of “what are you late for, beautiful?”, Bucky sprinted to the nearest pharmacy to pick up every brand of pregnancy test he could find.  He insisted you take all five and all five came back positive.  You were both ecstatic - after all, if you were going to make changes in your life, why not go all in?
While you enjoyed the celebrations, there were still rough moments to work through.  Bucky had made progress with Dr. Raynor but there were still nights he woke up with memories he’d rather forget.  He also had doubts about becoming the father your baby deserved, but you shot those thoughts down pretty quickly.
On the flip side, Bucky was there for your moments of uncertainty.  You had moved past the majority of things Steve did - after all, it’s what led you to the life you’ve built with Bucky.  What was harder to get past was the doubt that crept in.  You knew Steve had left to build a life with Peggy, but not knowing the full reason sometimes kept you up at night.  Was it because she would be a better wife?  Or maybe he didn’t think you would be a good mother.  Thankfully, Bucky was just as fast to calm your nerves and remind you how much you meant to him and your soon to be family of three.
A few months later, you mutually decided to find out if you were having a boy or a girl.  You’d never seen Bucky get as emotional as when you found out you were expecting a beautiful and healthy baby girl.  Unfortunately, that excitement faded when your doctor started asking about Bucky’s serum.  After bringing Dr. Cho in to run additional tests, Bucky was relieved that the only thing your baby inherited from his serum was a slightly increased growth rate and a watered-down version of his super strength.  You were not so relieved when that transferred into an extra large baby to carry and intense kicks as your daughter tried to escape her cramped living quarters.
After that doctor appointment, Bucky and Sam put in extra hours with the construction crew to get your house ready as soon as possible.  The house was finished about a month ago giving you plenty of time to unpack, nest, and get ready for your baby girl.
All these events led to this evening and trying (and failing) to get comfortable on your extra large, super-soldier sized couch.  Bucky walked around the corner with two bowls just in time to see you wince as you tried to find a spot that gave you any relief.  After handing you a bowl, Bucky eased down next to you.  “I think after we’re done eating, it’s time for a bath and a massage.”  You couldn’t stop the smile forming on your face.  You were definitely living your best life with Bucky.
Before you could get too excited, your doorbell rings.  With a quick kiss to your forehead, Bucky was running to grab the door.  To your surprise, you heard Bucky greet Sam and welcome him into the house.  On his way to sit down in the armchair across from you, Sam stops by Bucky’s bowl to sneak a bite of ice cream.
“Hey, birdbrain, hands off the ice cream!”  You can’t help but giggle at these two as Bucky snatches the spoon back from Sam and settles down next to you on the couch.  “Why are you here, anyway?  Aren’t you supposed to be on a mission for the next few weeks?”
Right away, you can sense something is wrong.  In the past year you’ve found you can always depend on Sam for providing a sense of calm.  He says it’s from his training and working with the veteran’s support groups all those years ago, but you can tell he’s always been that way.  He’s the easiest-going person you knew, and you were always grateful to have another calming presence in your life.
Tonight, however, Sam was on edge.  Glancing over at Bucky, you could tell he could feel it, too.
“Sam,” you start, “we can both tell something is wrong.  What’s going on?”
Sam makes eye contact with you for a few seconds before heaving out a deep sigh.  “I don’t know how to bring this up, so here it goes.  It’s about Steve.”
Slinging an arm around your shoulders, Bucky squeezes your arm to get your attention.  “You OK to talk about this, beautiful?  I can talk to Sam by myself if you want me to.”
After a few seconds you let out your own deep sigh.  “I’m fine, Buck.”  You place a comforting hand on his thigh and squeeze gently before you look back to Sam.  “You haven’t mentioned Steve once since we left the Avengers.”  Your line of vision drops down to your large stomach and your hand starts rubbing your bump.  “I’m guessing that means this is important, right?”
“Hey,” Sam says, causing you to look back up at him.  “Bucky’s right.  We don’t have to talk about him if you don’t want to.  I know you’re at a place where you can put all that behind you, so if you want to leave it that way, we can.”
Shaking your head, you push back.  “Sam, you brought it up so we’re going to talk about it.  What is it?”
Before Sam continues, he digs two letters out of his pocket and hands them to you.  You see your name on one envelope and Bucky’s on the other - both written in Steve’s flowing script.  Handing Bucky his letter, you look back over at Sam so he can continue.
“I’m giving you these letters because Steve isn’t doing well.  The last time you saw him, he still had serum running through his body.  In the few months after that he started to get weaker at a pretty rapid pace.”  At that revelation, Bucky sucks in a breath.  You’ve had a few conversations with Bucky wondering how his serum would impact his health later in life, but no one really knew what to expect.
“Bruce and Dr. Cho did some tests, and Steve’s serum was starting to deteriorate.”  Sam pauses to take a deep breath before he continues.  “They anticipated he would make it a few more years but he’s really taken a downhill turn in the past few weeks.”
You can feel Bucky deflate next to you.  Steve put you through hell after making the decision to live in the past, but that doesn’t change the fact that Steve was Bucky’s best friend.  
Trying to give Bucky a few minutes to process this, you ask another question.  “Why are you telling us this now?”
Sam looks down to the floor before responding.  “While I’ve been out on missions the past few years, I’ve been taking extra time to stop in and check on Steve.”  Bucky immediately tenses up beside you, but you’re quick to squeeze his leg to keep him grounded.  “I know it sounds like I was sneaking around behind your backs, but you two are doing so well right now.  I didn’t need to mess that up and you didn’t deserve to have Steve mess it up, either.”
It doesn’t surprise you that Bucky’s gone silent.  Even though his mask has been gone for over a decade, Hydra spent years conditioning him to stay silent.  While he’s made progress and shed most of that conditioning, you’ve noticed when he’s overwhelmed the first wall to go back up is his silence.
Knowing Bucky will need more time before he’s ready to talk, you turn your focus back to Sam.  “It’s OK Sam, but I’m still confused.  Why are you telling us about this now?”
“When I first started to visit Steve, the only ground rule I made was that I wasn’t going to be a middleman.  It’s not my place to give him insight on how either of you are doing.  To this day, Steve doesn’t know that you two are married or that you’re expecting.  When I was in New York to visit Steve earlier today he asked if I was still in touch with either of you.  He knows he doesn’t have much time left, but he wanted me to give you these letters and tell you there wasn’t any pressure to read them.  He just wanted to make sure if you wanted closure someday, you knew where to find it.”
Looking back down at the letter in your hand, you’re surprised when your vision starts to blur with tears.  Closure is something that you’ve been longing for - a reason to justify everything Steve put you through.  Now that it was in your hands you didn’t know what to do with it.
When your soft sniffles don’t bring Bucky back to the present, Sam grabs you a few tissues from the bathroom.  You dry your eyes before you respond.  “Thanks, Sam, but I think we just need some time to talk.  Can I walk you out?”
With a scoff and a sparkle in his eyes, he responds.  “Are you serious, woman?  Can you even get yourself off that couch right now?”
With a laugh you launch a pillow in his direction that hits him in the back of the head.  “One of these days I won’t be nine months pregnant, Wilson.  You better watch it!”
Before he walks out the door, Sam pauses to turn around and face you again.  “Remember, what you do with those letters is up to you.  Steve owes you closure but you don’t owe him anything.  Only you know what’s best for you.”  With that, Sam bids you goodnight and heads back to his house.
After you take a few extra minutes to finish your ice cream, you move around in an attempt to find a comfortable position on the couch.  All of your wriggling brings Bucky back to the present, and he suggests taking this conversation somewhere more comfortable.  A few minutes later you find yourself in your oversized tub.  Melting back into Bucky’s warm embrace, you start the conversation you both know you need to have.
“What are you thinking, Buck?”  You absentmindedly start drawing shapes on your stomach.  After a few minutes of silence, you turn your head to try to catch his line of sight.  “James, are you OK?”  The use of his real name breaks him out of his train of thought.  He leans down to give you a quick peck on the lips before he answers.
“I think so.  Honestly, it’s a lot to think about, you know?”  You sit for a few more moments while he organizes his thoughts.  “Steve was such a big part of both of our lives.  You had every reason to cut him out after everything he did, but if we’re being honest, I’ve been thinking about reaching out to him again.”
You knew your husband would do anything for you, but at this moment you can’t help but feel guilty.  “You didn’t cut off ties with Steve because of me, did you?  That was never my intention.  The two of you have been best friends for decades, and I never want to be the reason - ”
“Hey, hey, no - nothing like that.  I know you would never do that.  It was my decision to step back because of how he handled things after returning the stones.  Lately, I keep thinking about telling Steve about all the good things in my life.  He believed in me when no one else did and knew I was still somewhere in here after everything Hydra did.  He was constantly saving my ass and reminding me I deserved happiness.  For the last month or so I’ve felt like it was time to reach out and reconnect and tell him about my new life.”  A sad smile crosses Bucky’s face before he continues.  “He’s a punk, but he’s my punk, you know?”
“I get that.”  You face forward so you can fully relax back into Bucky’s hold.  Bucky’s hands travel down to brush over your stomach causing your daughter’s kicks to come to life.  You both giggle for a few seconds before he nuzzles his nose into your hair and inhales your floral shampoo.  “If we’re both being honest,” you add, “there are some days I’d like to thank him for leading me to you.  I don’t know if I’m ready to be his best friend or anything - “
“That’s my job anyway, beautiful.”
“Don’t worry, I know it is - but I do think you’re right.  It might be time to open these letters.  What’s that saying, again?  It’s time to bury the hatchet?”  You turn your head to look at your husband and immediately spot the glint in his eyes.
“And if we bury the hatchet and he turns on us again,” he smiles, “you know where I’ve hidden the knives.”
Rolling your eyes with a groan, you respond.  “What am I going to do with you, Mr. Barnes?”
His belly laugh shakes you and your baby starts to kick at the sudden movement.  “It’s too late, Mrs. Barnes.  You’re stuck with me.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way, Buck.”  You seal the sweet sentiment with a kiss before a particularly hard kick to your bladder signals it’s time to get out of the tub.  Bucky helps you out and dries you off before leaving you in the bathroom to do your business.  By the time you’ve joined him in the bedroom a few minutes later, he’s wearing a pair of boxer briefs and is already rubbing your favorite lotion between his hands to warm it up.  Laying down, you let him massage away your aches and pains before throwing on one of his old shirts and moving to lean up against the headboard.
Before joining you, Bucky runs downstairs to grab the letters.  Once he’s settled in next to you, he hands you your letter with a kiss and throws an arm around your shoulder so you can tuck into his side.  Taking a deep breath, you unfold your letter and start reading.
Sweetheart,
I have a lot of things I want to say to you in this letter, but I’ll start by saying thank you.  After all the pain I’ve caused, I wouldn’t blame you for ripping this letter to shreds.  Instead, you’re taking another chance on me, even though I don’t deserve it.
In the past few months, I’ve tried to write this letter at least a dozen times.  Each time I’ve had to stop because it’s never good enough.  I don’t know if this attempt is going to be better than the others, but I’m running out of time to try.  I’m sure by now Sam has told you my serum is deteriorating, but I’m mostly at peace with it.  I’ve lived a full life - one that is longer than many others will get to experience.  But with life comes regrets, and unfortunately, most of mine involve you.
The first apology I’d like to make is for my actions last year at the compound.  I had so much I wanted to say to you but cornering you and physically restraining you on a balcony wasn’t the way to do it.  For decades I’ve heard women tell horror stories about men forcing them into situations against their will, and that night I didn’t realize that was exactly what I was doing to you.
Before I explain my side of the story, I want to thank you for everything you’ve done for me.  Thank you for taking a chance on me and loving me with your whole heart.  Thank you for being by my side through all the good times, bad times, and everything in between.  Thank you for fighting alongside me, and most importantly, thank you for helping me fight for Bucky.  Thank you for giving up everything to go on the run with me.  Lastly, thank you for believing in me and showing me I’m worthy of the love others give.
When I crashed that plane in the 40’s, I lost everyone and everything I knew.  Losing to Thanos felt like I was repeating history all over again.  With one snap, I lost everyone for the second time in my life.  I didn’t think I had it in me to start all over again, and that feeling stayed with me for years after you disappeared.
When we found a way to go back in time for the stones, I wasn’t prepared to see Peggy.  Sure, when I came out of the ice I played the “what if” game.  What if I found a place to land the plane instead of crashing it into the water?  What if I could’ve lived my life with Peggy?  All those questions seemed so far-fetched, and after I met you, I didn’t think about them as often as I used to.  But thanks to time travel, I was standing less than ten feet away from the love of my life.  All those questions and feelings came running back, and I couldn’t stop them.
At that moment, I made a realization that wasn’t easy to accept - while I loved you, I was never going to be in love with you in the way I was with Peggy.  I made a promise to myself in that office that after we brought everyone back, I was going to be honest with you.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t strong enough to keep that promise.
Looking back, I should’ve told you about my plans to stay in the past before I told Bucky.  I thought breaking it to him would be easier.  While he put on a brave face and said he understood why I was going back, I could see he was heartbroken by my decision.  After that I convinced myself it would be better to not tell you so I could save you from heartbreak in the moment.  Selfishly, I thought if you saw how happy I was, you would understand why I didn’t come back to you.
Believe it or not, Peggy was first to point out my horrible decision.  We were newly engaged when she asked if I’d had other relationships in the future.  When she realized I left you without ending our engagement or explaining why I went to live my life in the past, she almost walked away.  After all, if I did that to you, what was stopping me from doing the same thing to her?
Later in life, we sat down with our kids to tell them who I really was and how I ended up back in the past.  Every child has that moment when they realize their parents aren't perfect and telling them what I did to you was that moment for them.
Now that you know what happened, there are so many things I need to apologize for.  I’m sorry for not telling you I saw Peggy during my time travels.  I’m sorry for denying anything was wrong leading up to my mission to return the stones.  I’m sorry for telling Bucky what my plans were and not telling you.  I’m sorry for taking advantage of you the night before the mission so I could spend one last night with you.  I’m sorry for saying goodbye without telling you I wasn’t coming back to you.  I’m sorry you had to find out about these decisions by watching me reappear as an old man while wearing a wedding ring that wasn’t yours.  Lastly, I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to get you the apology you deserved.
I’m never going to forgive myself for the pain I’ve caused you and I’ll never expect you to forgive me, but there are some people who deserve your forgiveness.  Knowing you, I bet you’ve already forgiven them, but that isn’t stopping me from asking.
Please forgive Bucky for not telling you I was staying back to start a life with Peggy.  He was insistent I tell you about my plans before I left to return the stones, and I lied and told him I would.  I never should have put him in that situation.
I also hope you can forgive Sam.  I decided when he first started visiting that it was better to keep it from you instead of causing you more pain, and I didn’t give him much choice.
My hope for you is that you find someone who deserves you and can give you everything I couldn’t.  Someone who will show you the difference between loving someone and being in love, and someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve.  Lastly, I hope you find someone you can build a home and family with because I know you will make the best wife and mother.
Love, Steve
The moment you finished the letter, you felt lighter.  You finally had closure, and that realization caused any remaining insecurities to flow out of you with the tears streaming down your face.  
After pulling your face up and brushing away your tears, Bucky broke the silence.  “Do you want to talk about it?”  With a nod, you take his hand in yours and start talking.
“In the past few years, you helped me pick up the shattered pieces of my heart.  Together, we put them back together and you poured all your love and trust into loving me and healing the cracks Steve left behind.  You made me whole again, Buck, but there was one small crack left - a crack that wasn’t your responsibility to heal.”  Looking down and squeezing his hand, you continue.  “This crack caused all those insecurities about being a good wife, a good mother, and being the best version of myself.  The one that you deserve.”
At your pause, Bucky grabs your chin to tilt your face up to him.  Drying a few more of your tears, he gives you a quick kiss before you carry on.
“This letter filled that crack and gave me the closure I needed.”  With a watery giggle, you continue.  “Who knew closure was so fulfilling, right?!”
That caused both you and Bucky to laugh and let out any remaining tension from the evening.  After you calmed down, Bucky shared that his letter was much the same - apologizing for putting him in a tough situation, asking him to forgive Sam for keeping their visits a secret, and (your personal favorite) asking him to watch over and take care of you.  He also wished Bucky the same happiness he wished you.  Little did he know you would find that happiness together.
After nodding off twice while having a discussion about reconnecting with Steve, Bucky decides a good night's sleep was more important for you and your baby girl.  Without a fight, you say your “goodnights” and “I love you’s” and settle into a restful slumber.
A restful slumber, that is, until you wake up a few hours later to find out your water broke.
Between Bucky’s military background and your knack for overplanning, you have a hospital bag packed and the fastest route to the hospital ready to go.  You soon find yourself in your assigned delivery room and just like everything else in your life, delivery happens fast - which is good given the fact epidurals don’t provide much relief when you give birth to serum-enhanced babies.
Bucky felt horrible, but he made up for it by being the best birthing partner.  He was ready to dry your tears, give you a hand to squeeze, and provide reassurance every step of the way.  Most importantly, he constantly kept his metal hand in a bucket of ice to provide cooling relief when you needed it and took all the swear words you threw at him in stride.
By sunrise, the newest addition to your family was here - Rebecca Lynn Barnes.  Quoting Mary Poppins, she is practically perfect in every way, right down to the bright blue eyes from her father.
Sam and Sarah arrive just in time to snap the perfect picture of your new family: you holding Rebecca, Bucky sitting next to you with his flesh arm around your shoulder and metal arm reaching for Rebecca, and Rebecca squeezing one of Bucky’s metal fingers with all her might.  The picture perfectly captures Bucky’s joy in realizing Rebecca didn’t fear his arm, and the complete adoration in your eyes as you stare at your amazing husband.
Like many things in life, perfect moments always come to an end.  As Bucky rocks Rebecca to sleep, Sam shares the phone call he received on his way to the hospital.  Steve took a major turn for the worse overnight and Bruce doesn’t think he’ll make it much longer.  After he was done checking in on you, Sam was heading straight to the compound with a quinjet.
Looking over at Bucky, you know exactly what you need to do.
“Bucky, I think you need to go with Sam.”  Immediately, three faces filled with shock turn your direction.  Making eye contact with Bucky, you continue.  “Seriously Buck, we decided just last night we wanted to reconnect with Steve before it was too late.  If you don’t go with Sam right now, it might be too late.  It will take less than an hour to get up to the compound and back with the quinjet, so even if you only stay in New York for an hour, you’ll be back before lunch.”
“You can’t be serious!  You just had a baby.  I can’t leave you now.”  Bucky looks around the room for backup but isn’t finding any.
“Buck, I hardly got any sleep last night and your daughter is a newborn.  We’ll probably both be asleep the whole time you are gone.”  Reaching out your hand, Bucky returns to your side.  “I won’t push you into something you don’t want to do, but just know that we’ll be fine if you decide to go.”
Turning to face Sarah, you get an idea.  “Sarah, are you doing anything this morning?”
Knowing where this is going, she smiles.  “Nope. I was planning on sticking around here for a few hours until I have to pick the boys up for their dentist appointments after lunch.”
“Perfect!  Sarah can stay here until my parents get here.  Their flight lands just before noon.”
Now that you’re wearing a matching smile with Sam and Sarah, you can see Bucky’s resolve cracking.  Sitting next to you in bed, Bucky lets out a deep sigh before looking into your eyes.  “Are you sure, beautiful?  You say the word and I’ll stay.”
Bringing your hand up, you run it through Bucky’s hair a few times before it falls to the back of his head for a few comforting scratches.  “We’ll be good, Buck.  Think of how we felt last night after reading those letters.”  Pausing to give him a smile, you continue.  “I can’t go anywhere right now, but you can go and brag about your amazing wife who just gave birth to your perfect daughter.”
With a small laugh, Bucky finally agrees to go.  With a last-minute idea, you send Sam to use his charm with the nurses to see if they can print the picture he just took of you and your family.  He returns a few minutes later, and while Bucky puts a sleeping Rebecca in her cradle, you grab a pen and write on the back of the picture:
Steve,
I’m sorry I couldn’t come to see you.  I’m sure Bucky can fill you in on the reason why.
Even though I can’t be there, I wanted to send a note to thank you.
Thank you for your letter and the closure it provided.
Thank you for each and every time you fought to save Bucky so he could have the wonderful life he deserves.
Most importantly, thank you for leading me exactly where I needed to be.  Without you, I wouldn’t be able to share my life with the most amazing husband and our perfect daughter.
Enjoy your time with Buck.
With a few tears in your eyes, you sign your name and hand the picture over to Bucky.  After quickly skimming the back, he looks at you with a small smile.  Sitting down next to you, he takes your head in his hands to give you one of his famous earth-shattering kisses.  When you’re forced to come up for air, you tell him you love him and send him on his way.
After the boys leave, you and Sarah catch up over the breakfast that’s delivered to your room.  Not long after you finish, you drift off into a peaceful and much needed sleep.
A few hours later you open your eyes to find Bucky looking out the window with Rebecca in his arms.  You soon realize he’s carrying on a conversation with her, filling her in about all the new and wonderful people she’ll get to meet in the next few days.  Her tiny yawn triggers a bigger one from you, indicating to Bucky you’re awake.  With a big smile he joins you on the hospital bed.
“Hey, sleepyhead.  I just got a text from your mom.  They landed a few minutes ago and they’re going to drop off their luggage at the house before they come to the hospital.”
Another yawn slips out before you respond.  “That sounds good.  How long have you been back?”
“About ten minutes.  Sarah just left to pick up Cass and AJ.”
After a few minutes of silence, you decide to address the elephant in the room.  “So, how was Steve?”
Realizing Rebecca was once again sleeping, Bucky gets up to set her down in her crib before joining you back on the hospital bed.  Leaning back, you both turn so you are facing each other before he responds.
“It was really good.  By the time we got there he wasn’t very responsive anymore.”  When Bucky breaks eye contact, you know it’s going to be hard for both of you to get through this conversation.  Reaching out to cup his cheek, you give him a few moments to collect his thoughts before he continues.
“He smiled and said my name when I walked in.  After I said it was good to see him, he said your name and I kind of froze.  With how fast everything happened in the last twenty-four hours, I didn’t really have time to figure out how to tell him I married his ex-fiancé and we have a kid together.”  Although the situation was very serious, you couldn’t stop the snort of laughter from bubbling out of you.  Thankfully, Bucky was quick to join in.
“What did you tell him?”
“The truth - I looked him straight in the eye and said, ‘Well, funny story, Steve.  We actually got married a few months ago and she gave birth to our daughter earlier this morning.’”
Hiding your face behind your hands, you groan.  “Please tell me that was not what you actually said to him.”
“Hey, Sam thought it was funny!  After Steve laid there for a few seconds staring at me, I shot a look at Sam to make him stop laughing.  I didn’t know what else to do, but thankfully after a few more seconds, Steve finally smiled and said, ‘good.’  I showed him the picture you sent and I talked about how great you were in the delivery room and how wonderful it was to be a dad even though it’s only been a few hours.”  Bucky’s smile fades a bit before he goes on.  “I told him what you wrote on the back of the picture, too.  I could tell he wanted to say more, but all he had the strength to say was ‘thank you.’”
Considering the emotions you had gone through during the last day, it wasn’t a surprise when you could feel tears streaming down your face.  After wiping them away, you gave a small “thank you” to Bucky before asking what else they discussed.
Thankfully, this brought a big smile to Bucky’s face.  “All of his kids were there, so I got a chance to meet them.  We all talked for a long time, and each time I looked down at Steve, he had a smile on his face.  When Dr. Cho and Bruce came to check on his vitals and asked him how he was feeling, he responded with ‘happy.’”
“That’s so good to hear.  How long were you and Sam able to stay?”
“We stayed for about an hour and a half before he started to look really tired.  Sam and I decided it was best to say goodbye and give him time to rest with his family.  When we left, he caught my hand and asked ‘happy?’  I told him we were both happy and that I would do everything possible to keep it that way.  With a light squeeze to my hand, he said ‘thank you’ and we left.”
You didn’t realize you were holding in a sigh until you let it out, but you were filled with so much relief knowing their visit went well.  “I’m so glad you were able to see him, Bucky.  Are you thinking you want to go back up later this week to see him again?”
The sad smile on Bucky’s face tells you everything you need to know.  “I’m so sorry, beautiful, but we got a call from Dr. Cho on the way back.  Steve passed away.”  With a fresh set of tears streaming down your face, you cuddle into Bucky’s side in search of comfort.  “He fell asleep right after we left and he went peacefully in his sleep.”
After a few minutes, you pull away just enough to look up at Bucky.  “I’m sad Steve’s gone, but I’m thankful for everything else that’s happened since last night.”
“Me too, beautiful.  I’m so glad I listened to you and got to see him one last time.”
For the next few minutes, you laid together and processed everything from the last few hours.  After a while, Bucky broke the silence.
“Did you know Steve named a kid after me?”
Gasping, you look up at him.  “He did?”
“Yeah,” you startle hearing Sam’s voice at the door.  “And I only got mentioned in a middle name.  Can you believe that?”
Leave it to Sam to know exactly how to lighten the mood.
While you wait for your parents to arrive, Bucky and Sam fill you in on Steve and his kids.  For the first time in years, you find it freeing to talk about the past without having to stop and dwell on the negative.  Who would’ve thought you’d have Steve to thank for that.
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theladybarnes · 2 years
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▸▸ CAPTAINS ( CHAPTER FOUR )
“Dear Lord, please make sure this never happens to me because I don't think I could handle suicide. Fast, early acceptance into an Ivy League school and please let it be Harvard. Amen.”
▸ summary: goodbye isn’t so easy for everyone to say, let’s kiss instead ▸ pairings: peter x reader, bucky x reader ▸ word count: 5,500 ▸ warnings: cursing, gaslighting, & mentions of dead body ▸ series masterlist
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Dear Diary,
 It’s been a long week since I’ve seen Peter. The death of Steve Rogers has taken over Westerburg. Causing all the town to shut down and focus on the sudden loss. Businesses even closed for the day in respect to the boy.
 Monday morning had resulted in a call to Dad. Letting him know that students were advised to stay home and spend time with their families in honor of the death that occurred over the weekend. Of course that lasted an hour with Dad before he had to leave again. Always leaving. At least in this case, I can deal with this on my own. I don’t deserve the comforts of anyone. 
 How was I supposed to know that one party would result in my first murder?
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LAST SATURDAY
You and Peter hadn’t moved from your positions for the past five minutes as you both stared down at Steve’s paling body. He thankfully had faced down towards the floor, sparing you two the view of his eyes. But everything else was still clear to see, his lips had turned darker and hair looked less lively. You wouldn’t believe it yourself if you weren’t seeing it now.
 “Peter..we have to call the police.” you croaked, feeling the nausea that wanted to come from your stomach. The brunette hadn’t moved from his crouching position, staring down at his family with his head tilted. Almost like he was waiting for him to jump up and scare the both of you. 
 Hesitantly, you reached out to brush your fingers at his shoulder. “Please..we can’t just do nothing.” He placed his hand over yours, patting you gently before he finally got up from the floor. At first you figured it was time for him to break down, come to terms with what had just happened. But instead of that, he faced you with an eerily calm expression.
 “You killed him.”
 “W-what?”
 He pointed down to the Gatorade bottle beside Steve. “They’re going to put together that you handed him the mixture, and poisoned him.” Your jaw dropped, shaking your head at his words. “It’s true, Blue. You’re the one who offered him the drink. All the blame would be on you for this.”
You looked down at the bottle, noticing how Steve had drunk it all to the last drop. Filling his body with the degreaser that surely turned his insides. “But..I didn’t put it in the Gatorade. It was..it was supposed to be oil.” The oil was supposed to be there to make him throw up, not this!
 Peter reached over to cup the sides of your face, tearing your gaze away from Steve’s lifeless body. “They won’t care. It’ll be such a perfect wrap up for them. You’re here after Steve humiliated you, giving him the bottle of juice with poison, watching as he died. They’d wrap it all up in an hour.”
 “But, you were here! You..you know I didn’t want this!”
 He tutted at you, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I know, and I’d fight anyone that tries to blame you. But all they’d see is some love sick kid who doesn’t want his girl getting hurt.” He was so calm, so level headed about this. Was that truly the outcome that was meant for you? How could you agree to such a stupid disaster of a prank?
 “Peter, I can’t do this!” You cried, pushing your face into his chest. The tears finally began to come out. The soft cotton shirt that Peter had worn began to soak up any of the wet residue that fell past your cheeks. Letting you bawl out against him. It wasn’t till a few moments of you trying to calm down that he pulled you back. Using the small pads of his thumbs to wipe under your eyes. 
 “I have an idea.”
 You pushed yourself away from him, groaning at his words. “Your last idea got us here, Peter! I can’t handle this anymore and you making up another plan is going to make things worse.”
 The boy simply stared at you, frowning slowly at your reaction as he waited for you to calm again. “Blue, I would never want this to happen. Okay? I did all this for you. I wanted you to get the revenge that you deserve. And you think that I’m trying to make things worse?” He shook his head, covering his mouth with the palm of his hand. “I don’t know how you could think I’m not trying my best here. All I want is for you to be happy.”
 The pain in his words made you feel a sudden guilt. This whole time Peter has been the only one who looked out for you. Made you feel safe, and wanted. The only one who made sure you got home safe. Hell, he was even your first welcome into the school. Of course he wouldn’t have wanted Steve to die. All he wanted was to help you get revenge on the trauma that the blonde caused you.
Returning to his side, you leaned back into his open embrace. Already he forgave you for your doubt. “I’m sorry. I’m just scared.” you insisted, hoping he’d understand your predicament. He leaned in to press a kiss against you. Making you a little uncomfortable considering what you two were next to. But since you felt you needed to make it up to him, you kissed him back. 
 “Now, as for my idea. I think it’s our best solution.” 
 He walked over towards Steve’s desk. Looking through the contents of his school bag before he pulled out a ringed notebook. It was slightly beat up from possibly being tossed around desks carelessly, but still sturdy. He popped open the first couple of pages and looked at his handwriting. Steve was definitely a student who struggled with writing. The chicken scratch made it almost impossible to read. 
 Just when you were about to ask Peter what any of this was for, he ripped out a paper from the back and grabbed a pen from his desk, leaving the open notebook beside him as he began to write down a small paragraph, adding a quick signature in the end. Turning around proudly, he presented you with the paper.
“You might think what I’ve done is shocking. To me though, suicide is the natural answer to the myriad of problems life has given me.” You stared at Peter with shock. 
 “You want to play it like Steve Rogers of all people in the school was suicidal? Like he didn’t have a free ride to any school he wanted?!” Peter winced at your panic tone before he patted the paper with the tip of the pen.
 “Keep reading.”
 “People think just because you’re wanted and popular life is easy and fun. No one understood. I had feelings too. I die knowing no one knew the real me.” The page ended with Steve’s signature. If you weren’t so shocked with the idea still, you’d pester Peter with questions on how he knew how to replicate handwriting so fast.
 “How can you be so sure that everyone will believe this?”
 Peter didn’t respond to you for a second, he placed the paper down on the desk, pocketing the pen from his hands before he walked back over to where Steve was. “Sorry, pal.”he said calmly before placing the paper underneath his hand. Using the edge of his shirt, he wiped down the sides of the bottle. Clearing your prints from it.
 “Peter, this is really freaking me out. How are you so..good at this?”
 “I’m not good at this, Blue. I’m just trying to think on my feet.” He suggested, moving to keep any other evidence of you two in there. He motioned for you to move towards the door, leaving you in the doorway as you watched him kneel beside Steve again. His shoulders moved up and down like he was crying a bit, and you felt the urge to wrap your arms around him.
 Surprisingly, he faced back at you with a clear determined face. “We have to get out of here. There’s only an hour tops before the maids come back and we gotta fix that shit downstairs in the kitchen.”
 As if he suddenly got super speed, Peter raced through everything. Wiping and putting away any evidence that the two of you had been there at all this morning. It wasn’t till you both were back in Steve’s car and down the road from his house that you spoke up again.
 “I still don’t know if this will work.” You whimpered. Your hands were shaking and you kept feeling dirty at the idea of having helped partake in this cover up with Peter. Steve was just there. Even if you hated him, the idea of his body being cold and alone left you with unsettling pain in your gut. “We just left..he’s just..”
 “He’s nothing now, Blue.” Peter snapped. He pulled over at the side of the road to park the car before he pulled you closer to him. “Steve was a shitty bastard who got what was coming to him. Accident or not. He didn’t deserve to be around. Especially after his mess with you. Or did you forget what he was gonna do had his friends not come in?”
 You stared at Peter for a long time, wondering how he could think so cynically. But at the same time, was he wrong? No, you didn’t want Steve dead. But for a long time in the night, you wished he was something like that. “I need you to calm down, baby.” Peter whispered, talking more sweetly to you. “All you have to do is follow and say as I do and everything will be fine.”
 “Okay.” You conceded. 
 “Say it.”
 Peter raised a brow at you as his hands gripped tightly against the wheel. If you didn’t know any better, he almost said it impatiently. “Say what?”
 “Say you’ll do as I say.”
 The tone in his voice was dead serious. The longer he stared at you, the smaller you felt. Like the outcome of everything weighed was based solely on your answer to him. Peter was only looking out for you, right? He seemed to be the only one with a level head on this. Nodding your head, you reach out to hold your hand against his forearm. Knowing at this point, he was the only person you could turn to.
 “I’ll do as you say.”
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  PRESENT
 The pews were almost filled by the time you arrived at the funeral home. Most of the town was allowed to pay their respects at the grave site, but it was mostly Steve’s immediate family and the entire Senior class that was invited to the actual service. Something that you really wish you could avoid. But your Father that morning insisted that despite not knowing the Rogers’ family that well, it would be best for at least your family to be represented in a way. Establish a trust with the community. 
 Little did he know, you were the school’s enemy number one.
 It was a shock to everyone that Steve committed suicide. Some even went as far to say he was murdered, thinking that it was too cliche for a popular jock to just off himself. And at that day you really thought you’d see police come through the doors. That is, until Peter published Steve’s suicide note in the school paper. 
 Girls and even a few boys lined up against lockers, gasping, crying, and reciting the letter out loud. Trying to figure just when their QB had gotten such a heart in him. Peter felt proud about how quick his note worked. Coming up to you around Wednesday with a small knowing smile as he whispered in your ear. “These idiots will eat anything up.” 
 “God, Peter.” You groaned. “He was your step brother.”
 “And my enemy.”
 “Same difference.”
 He shook his head simply and shrugged his shoulders. Pulling away from your side to look you straight in the eyes.. “This is all better than them knowing the truth.” 
 Right, the truth being that you were a murderer.
 So now, here you were. Playing the role of a sympathizer as you filed into one of the few empty pews left. Looking at all the grieving faces as they stared down at the program for the service. The photo cover was of Steve in his jersey, posing with his signature Colgate smile that people drooled over.
 A figure blurred past you, making their way down the front. The dark shades covered his eyes as he kept his head down. But even from the back you could tell who it was before he even joined Sam's side. 
 Bucky had been absent the whole week. Sam barely made it till Tuesday before he stayed home too. The two having known him the longest grieved the hardest. Whenever you’d come home from school you’d find Bucky in his backyard. Laying on one of his lounge chairs, beer in hand, eyes red from lack of sleep. His hair more disheveled as ever. You didn’t go to him. Feeling too guilty for being the reason of his grief. But whenever his glazed eyes found you, he managed to lift his hand up every time, giving you a two finger wave before he went back to his thoughts.
 “Hey, is this seat taken?”
 You looked away from your view of Bucky to see Wanda Maximoff looking down at you. Her usually bright green eyes were dulled. Obviously from the amount of crying she’s possibly done over the past few days. God, you had forgotten about poor Wanda. The girl who nearly gave herself and her heart to Steve so many times.
 She managed to keep herself together at school. Burying herself into work as she ignored the open stares and murmurs about her. People either pity her or wonder how she’s not breaking down. Like with Bucky, you tried your best not to come across her. Which honestly gutted you more than you thought. But Wanda was such a kind person, she didn’t need someone like you to be in her life. You practically ruined it.
 “Sure.” you whispered, scooting down to give the girl some room. She carefully slid in, giving you a sad smile before her eyes landed on your program. “I remember when they took that picture. We were all planning on hanging out before the pep rally that night. We kinda had a fight that day and I wanted to leave so bad. But he said that he would only get a genuine smile for the photo if I stuck around.”
 Her voice was so sad and filled with fondness. 
 “I’m sorry.” There was nothing else you could say to her. Moving to place a hand on top of hers, you give it a gentle squeeze. “I’m sure he was happy with all the time he spent with you.” The careless words he said about Wanda echoed in your mind. Making you wish you could rip the memory right out.
 “Then why didn’t he stay for me?” 
 Her bottom lip trembled a bit, making you reach into your bag for a Kleenex to offer her. “Don’t say things like that. Otherwise you’ll get lost in the worry of what ifs. This isn’t because of you or..anyone..it’s just..him.” You really wish your mouth would shut up. But you couldn’t just sit here and watch the poor girl fall apart beside you.
 “Thanks, Blue. You’re right. I should just..try and say goodbye.” The priest down the row began to clear his throat, indicating he would be speaking. Noise all around you died down, people shushing each other as everyone straightened up to pay attention. But just before the man could begin the service, the front doors to the building burst open.
 Peter, dressed in a lighter suit with shades on, waltzed into the room. Having a sort of air of confidence to him as he made his way shamelessly to the front of the room. A man with a crazy beard along with a woman with pale blonde hair, motioned for him to join them. The entrance was so out of place, and honestly, in bad taste. 
 Some kids whispered curious thoughts of why Peter, who was usually so prompt to things, came late to Steve’s funeral. Others would reply back that everyone dealt with things differently. That didn’t stop people like Sam and Bucky to frown over at the other man. Like they knew more about it.
“Let us begin..”
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The service went on to be more awkward than you could imagine. For some reason, one of the teachers from the school (Mr. Lang or something), convinced Steve’s family to let the students pay their respects up and personal with Steve. Causing the funeral to go on for an extra hour. Not to mention that some kids really gave it their all in their prayers for Steve.
 Peter was almost done for a whole minute, pressing his face into the palm of his hands. Again, his shoulders moved, looking as if he were crying. It wasn’t till his Dad pulled him away that you realized again, his eyes were dry.
You had to look away from Wanda as she reached out to hold Steve’s hand. Her eyes sparkling with crystal tears as she said a soft but sweet goodbye to the boy she knew. When you felt the hand of the priest on your shoulder, you felt like you suddenly captured the attention of the whole room as you kneeled beside the coffin. Steve had been dressed up and made up for the open casket. Making you feel so sick you had to squeeze your eyes shut. Sending a prayer up to God asking for only the forgiveness he deemed worthy of you.
 I just wanted my high school to be a nice place…who am I kidding. I just didn’t want to hurt anyone.
 Students began to leave slowly, venturing out to the front lawn of the funeral home in small groups as they decided what to do with the rest of the day. Wanda had eventually been called by Steve’s mother, which left you alone again in your pew. Peter couldn’t get over to you, bombarded by people left and right as they paid their respects. The most he could tell you was that he’d call you soon by holding up a phone sign with his fingers. 
“Hey, Blue.” You glanced up again to see Natasha standing in front of you. Her outfit was black but more stylish than most of the girls had worn today. You figured she was like the rest of you who were unprepared to dress down for a funeral. Luckily, you had a simple black dress and blue coat to cover you up.
 “Uh hey, Natasha right?”
 “Yeah, friends call me Nat.”
 Nodding your head, you stood up from the seat. “What can I do for you?” You asked lamely, wondering why today of all days did she suddenly want to talk to you. 
 “I was actually hoping you could help me out with something?” She pointed with her head to the front, wanting to lead you outside. Following her lead, you both made your way out of the building into the warm light. Sunset was happening already which cast an orange glow across the green grass. 
 “What is it you need from me exactly?” 
 Her manicured finger pointed over towards the other side of the street. Bucky was sitting in the driver's seat, head downward as he stared at his lap while Sam stood outside the car, waiting for Natasha obviously. “The three of us decided that it would be better today if we spent the rest of the time together. Sort of help keep each other’s spirits up.”
 Nodding your head you raised a brow, waiting for her to explain more. “Well, Sam and I are together and we both think that even if we hang out as friends, it’ll make Bucky feel like a third wheel.” A small grin spread on her lips as she pointed back at you now. “But not if he had the girl he's interested in joining us.”
 “Oh Natasha. No, I can’t do that..we’re barely talking and I know he’s grieving-“
 “Yes! The poor boy is grieving and needs a nice girl who he obviously likes to talk to hang out with him on the day he said goodbye to his best friend.”
 She placed her hands on your shoulders pulling you in closer. “The guy has been nothing but depressed. The only thing I can think will change his attitude is to hang out with you.”
 You wanted to say no. Give Bucky the right space he deserves. The mere idea of you being one of the people to comfort him sounded completely insane. Not to mention, despite any kind of friendly hand waves from the boy, you were still kind of the outs with him. 
 Still..
 “Okay.” 
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  At the earlier part of dinner, it was mostly just you and Natasha making light conversation. The red head made it very easy to talk about anything, like she was adaptable to speak upon any subject that you threw at her. Which helped flow with the white noise that the busy diner had created. 
 Eventually, Sam couldn’t help but join in a few times. Being the social guy that he is, could not pass up on asking you questions about yourself. Which, you found out, made you more interesting than you realized considering most of the time you had to explain crazy stories about the times you got in trouble in your old school. Some were funny enough that had Sam laughing. Which made Natasha laugh, but mostly because she was happy to see him smile.
 Bucky on the other hand barely interacted, instead he played with his fries gingerly, looking over at you from time to time. Mostly to show that was still listening to what you had to say. His shades were off inside, giving you the chance to really see how tired he really was. The sight of it alone caused an ache to form in your chest. 
 The pain only grew more intense as the table began to fondly recall memories of Steve. Some that were considered ‘cheeky’ but mostly just rude in your opinion. And some that seemed to actually show that maybe at some points in time, he was a somewhat ok guy. At least to his friends. Bucky’s hands at one point began to shake at the conversation. Probably from the overwhelming emotion he felt. 
 “Hey, wanna get out of here?” You had your hand around his now. Keeping the limb steady as you stared at him. The gesture seemed to catch him by surprise a bit, but nonetheless he nodded his head, moving his hand to lace around yours. “We’ll see you guys later. It’s getting late.” You commented more loudly, reaching into your wallet to help pay.
 Natasha held her hand up insisting that she had the bill covered for the night. “You two have a good night.” She said cooly, throwing a quick wink in your direction. Sam insisted that you both take the car, mentioning that it was a nice night out for the two of them to walk home. That left you and Bucky alone in the car.
 “Did you want me to just take you home?” His voice was scratchy and deep. Like he hadn’t spoken in days. Shaking your head, you buckle up and turn to face him. “We don’t have to go home. We can just go somewhere quiet..we don’t even have to talk.”
 He didn’t say anything else but nod his head and started up the car. You should go home, you should go home right now and leave this guy alone. But something with Bucky will always draw in your curiosity.
 The road he ends up on is the one towards the school. “I keep coming here at night.” He said suddenly, pointing towards the football field. “It’s been kind of nice to just be there for once and not have to play.” 
 Pulling over to the lot, he killed the engine to the car, pulling at the parking brake before he climbed out. Following his actions, you do the same and quietly close the door as you step over to his side. The gate is closed, locked with a number lock that Bucky coincidentally knew the code for. 
 It only took a few minutes for the two of you to make it out to the middle of the field, both of you deeming it not that cold that you could sit on your jackets. It was a bit creepy with how dark it was, but not enough to leave. 
 The two of you stayed quiet for a long time, merely gazing up in the sky as you both were lost in thoughts. But if you were being honest, you couldn’t help but keep thinking about the boy beside you, wanting to know just what was going on in his head right now.
 “I know something happened between you and Steve. Something that hurt you..” he mumbled, looking back down on his lap. “I know he wasn’t always the best guy. And, coming today must have been hard on you..so, thanks for having come.”
 Your lips pursed, trying to think about what you could say to that. He wasn’t wrong, but he also didn’t know the complete truth. Would it be so wrong to admit to him? Surely he deserved to hear it. He was Steve’s best friend! 
 “I know that I messed up with you..I told Wanda a little bit what happened. Not the Steve bit, but my anger. She said it wasn’t right of me to judge you. Regardless, you were at the party for a good time and I was part of the reason why you left so upset.” 
 His eyes were glistening as he looked at you, making your heart nearly break at the sight alone. “I’m just realizing that people really do have feelings. Some that I may not notice at times…” his hand reached over for yours. “I don’t want to be blind to how someone might feel again.”
 Fuck.
 “Bucky,” you gasped, not knowing how to respond to all this. You were the cause to his pain. Even if one bit was partially from his actions before, this guilt, this need to apologize, was all because you had him and the whole stinking town believing that Steve decided to kill himself.
 “Please just forgive me. We can be friends only if you want. Please.”
 Lifting your hand up, you cup the sides of his face and look over at him. Using your fingers to gently massage into his skin. “It’s okay.” You finally breathed. “None of this is solely on you. The party was a mistake..on all our ends I guess.” 
 “All of it?”
 You figure he meant the time you spent together before the incident. Which, you knew you should say yes, help him move on from you. But god damn it if you weren’t so selfish with him. “No, not all..just the ending.”
 His lips curved a bit, more in a relief sort of way than happiness. “I just mean that I’m ready to move on past it if you are.” You concluded letting him go. There was on going back on anything at this point. Since you knew you couldn’t change what you and Peter had done, there wasn’t much right for you to hold onto what Bucky had done. Right?
 “I think I’m ready.”
 Holding his hand out between you two he attempts to put on a brave face, giving you almost his signature smile. “Friends?” The word weighed heavy on your shoulders. Making you more confused by how you felt towards the boy. Either way, you still extended your hand out to close with his. 
 “Friends.”
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 The night went out more easy after that, Bucky feeling a little better from making up with you finally got to talking a bit again. Not about anything important, but enough to help distract him from his sadness. It helped you too, even if you had other plaguing things in mind, it was still a nice night.
 But eventually it came closer towards midnight, meaning that the two of you had to return home. Climbing up from the dewy grass, the two of you held hands, feeling the need to have a comforting touch as you made your way back to the car.  The grip he had as he held onto you brought a warm feeling in your chest. Something that you hadn’t felt in days.
 The two of you stay intertwined the whole care ride home, letting the low music on the radio be the only noise for the short trip. It isn’t till Bucky is walking up to your door that he speaks again.
 “Thank you for coming today. It meant a lot to me.”
 “Well,” you start, pushing your hair away from your face. “I’ve been told before that funerals are more for the people that are left alive than the ones that have passed on..” Shrugging, you reached out to brush gently at the dimple of his chin. “I’m just glad I could help.”
 For a moment, Bucky has a look on his face. Similar to how he’d look at you the night of the party. It was right before he kissed you. Pupils dark, lips parted, and breath hot as he inched closer to you. 
 Don’t you dare kiss him.
 “I know we’re supposed to be friends..” he sighed, knowing too that what he wanted should be out of the question. “But I just need to feel right one more time.” Not wanting to deny him or you something that would make you both happy, you gingerly moved your arms to wrap around his neck. Pulling the taller man closer. 
 “Please kiss me.”
 Again, being one not needed to be told twice, Bucky wrapped his arms around your waist, pressing you against his warm chest before he pressed his lips against yours. The familiar fire that he seemed to radiate filled inside you.
 The kiss itself wasn’t as passionate as the ones you shared the other time. Nor was it as needy and sweet as the kind you shared with Peter. It felt so much more different, so much better, it was just..perfect.
 Eventually, he pulled back, giving your lips one more peck before he rested his forehead against yours. “I should get going. I think tonight I might actually be able to get some sleep.” He chuckled before kissing your cheek. 
 You couldn’t help but smile at him. There was something addicting when it came to being around Bucky. Something you knew would be the death of you if you didn’t get a better hold of yourself. “I think I will too.”
 He slowly stepped back, walking backwards towards the direction of his house. “I’ll see you later, okay?” Waving him off, you shouted another goodnight before finally entering your house. The only light on was the lamp beside the couch. Walking over to turn it off, you notice a bright yellow post it on the table.
Glad you were able to hang out with the Barnes boy again. His mother told me that he needed a friend after everything. 
 You smiled at the paper, feeling a little bit better having some approval from your father for once. But underneath the post it was another one with a second message.
A boy named Peter called, said that you needed to call him back ASAP. Something about the school forum.
 Frowning, you walked into the computer room of the house, turning on the machine. It always took a couple of minutes for the stupid dial up to come through before you were able to do anything. You could never understand why anyone liked these things anyway.
 Typing in your school’s name in the search engine, you move to the link that was provided for the free forum that the school made for students to post on. Usually those kinds of pages were filled with updates on extra circulars or advertisements for clubs, generally boring school stuff. But this time it was filled with something completely different.
 It was a photo taken from today’s funeral. Creepily taken from when you had your eyes closed during your “prayer” for Steve. Underneath the terrible photo was an even worse caption. 
 WESTERBURG’S NEW STUDENT TURNED BLACK WIDOW? HOLD ON TO YOUR BOYFRIENDS, LADIES. NOW THAT SHE’S FINISHED WITH STEVE ROGERS, THERE’S ONLY ONE QUESTION LEFT ON OUR MINDS, WHO WILL SHE GO AFTER NEXT?
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a/n: peter deserves to be knocked down a peg, but it seems he has the upper hand right now.
tag requests: @edgycatx
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you know how a few days ago I was being really annoying about tfatws well I only watched ep 1 so buckle in for ep 2 :)
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mostlybarnes · 3 years
Text
It’s My Party, You’re Not Invited (Part Two)
Summary: The morning after Bucky threw a party, you confront him but it doesn’t go according to plan.
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader
Warnings: more angst, arguing, Bucky is an asshole, language, not proof read, mistakes are my own!
Words: 1,567
Author’s Notes: Wow. I absolutely can not believe the support on part one! I’m so happy you guys liked it, and of course I’m always happy to give people what they want and since so many of you asked for part two, here it is! Really hope you won’t be disappointed, please let me know what you think. And don’t worry, there WILL be a part three. This isn’t the end!!
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As you had predicted, you got no sleep. Your night consisted of you tossing and turning and occasionally groaning loudly into your pillow.
Your pillow was your closest friend, it captured your falling tears, and provided you with comfort when you couldn’t rest. The morning sun was pouring through your parted drapes, a new day was beginning and you knew you definitely wouldn’t be getting any sleep now.
Lazily, you threw the blankets off of you and sat on the edge of your bed, your palms on either side of you, digging into the mattress. Bucky not inviting you to his party shouldn’t have bothered you, but for some reason, it did. It was the reason you got no sleep, and you were annoyed by how Nat and your friends treated you last night. They were laughing and you couldn’t help but feel like they were laughing at you, even if they weren’t. Today would be the day you would confront Bucky, no matter what. But first, you needed a hot shower to try and wash away the tension that was rolling off your shoulders.
The shower itself would have taken a good ten minutes on a good day, but you spent almost an hour on the shower floor with your knees tucked under your chin and fresh tears disappearing under the shower head. Pathetic, you told yourself. Crying over something that wasn’t even your fault. How dare he treat you this way and make you feel broken. Speak of the devil, through the sounds of your cries and the water cascading down around you, your thoughts snapped back to reality when you heard his laugh from the hallway again.
Enough was enough with his games, you needed to know why you didn’t get an invite, it was just a simple little question.
Standing up off the shower floor with shaky legs, you turned off the shower and stepped out to grab the towel off the rail and pat yourself dry. In your haste to get dressed, your clothes were mismatched and your sweater was turned inside out. You didn’t care about that though, you needed to speak with Bucky. You needed answers.
You left your room and followed the sounds of the chatter coming from the common room. Your feet quickly carried you there, stopping in the doorway and noticing the room was completely trashed from last night’s shenanigans.
Broken glass was scattered over the marble floors, there were literally hundreds of solo cups all over the tables, there was even a broken window.
What the hell happened here? You wondered, stepping into the room, being careful not to tread on glass.
“Watch your feet!” Bucky warned, holding his hands up to halt your footsteps. “There’s glass everywhere.”
“No shit.” You scoffed, folding your arms across your chest and rolling your eyes. You heard him click his tongue as he worked on sweeping up the glass. “I heard you had a party?”
“Uh yeah, just some close friends and stuff.” He shrugged, and ouch if that didn’t fucking hurt.
“Really? I didn’t know you were– were close friends with people from…. statistics?” Anger was rushing through your veins, his nonchalant attitude wasn’t making this any easier and neither was the lack of sleep. You wondered what had happened to the sweet guy you knew. The shy Bucky who couldn’t even make himself a sandwich because he was afraid of being mocked by the other avengers. Or the Bucky that loved to sip herbal tea at 3 in the morning. Where did that Bucky go? Who is this Bucky? It was like a switch flipped and he changed overnight.
“What is this about, Y/N? You walk in here with some kind of an attitude problem and I’m tired, it’s early and I’m not in the mood.” He snapped and that was it for you. If he was tired, you were something else.
You stepped into the room regardless of the broken glass still all over the floor, not caring if any shards cut your feet as you stand toe to toe with Bucky. You shove him, but not surprised when he doesn’t budge.
“Where was my invite? What did I do to you to make you forget about me? It shouldn’t even be a big deal but–”
“Then stop making it a big deal! Is that what this is really about huh? It was my party and I invited the people I wanted to be there!”
“Wha– but you invited everyone but me!” You cried, your voice breaking at the end.
“Then maybe that tells you something.” He offers no sympathy to your state of distress. At least not to your face, it’s when you turn your back and he hears you cry harder does his own heart break. He didn’t mean for this to happen and the Black Widow’s footsteps behind him is about to remind him of his mistakes.
“You’ve really messed this up Barnes. I’m not sure Y/N will ever forgive you.” Bucky turns to look at Nat. Guilt and anger written all over his face.
“You don’t think I know that?! I did it to protect Y/N!”
“Well, what are you gonna do about it?”
“I don’t know.”
////
The day away from the compound was exactly what you needed. The air was refreshing and cold, biting against your skin. It helped to clear your thoughts that were running in circles since you talked to Bucky. You still didn’t have a clear answer as to why he chose not to invite you, and that bothered you more than anything, but what he did say replayed in your mind. You suppose he had a point, it was his party and up to him who he chose to invite but it confused you because you thought you were on good terms with Bucky. Did you get it wrong? Where did it all go wrong?
Your fingers wrapped around the mug as you sat in the corner of the quiet coffee shop with a friend as they watched you watch the world go by.
“Okay, what’s going on?” They asked, blowing into the hot liquid before taking a quick sip.
A deep sigh fell from between your lips. Your body and mind felt exhausted, it was hard to concentrate.
“I don’t even know. I feel like I’m overreacting.” You shrugged, licking your lips and looking into your coffee as if seeking the answers to your unanswered questions.
“Overreacting? Did something happen on the mission you just got back from?”
“No, no. Something that happened after that. You know Bucky, right?”
“Bucky Barnes?” They asked with a raised eyebrow. You nodded and swallowed the lump in your throat. “What about him?”
“I just– I– would you be honest with me and tell me if I’m overreacting?” You bit your lip nervously and your friend nodded.
“Of course! Tell me everything.”
True to their word, your friend sat and listened to every single word without interruptions or sassy remarks. They didn’t stop to ask you questions, and they didn’t make you feel pathetic like you felt. Talking about it out loud made you feel stupid, maybe it was stupid to get angry over something so small. That maybe deep down Bucky had a good reason not to invite you. Maybe you just weren’t close to him after all.
“I’m so stupid, aren’t I?” You shrugged, the wooden table becoming more of an interest.
“You’re not stupid. He’s stupid but I think he likes you.” Your head snapped up and so did your eyebrows.
“You’re insane! Didn’t you hear what I just said?”
“Of course I did!” They defended with a smirk, “and here’s what we’re gonna try.”
///
Your friend’s idea was so stupid and this dress was far too tight for your liking. You felt like your your body was spilling out at the seams, a complete opposite to what you were used to wearing: comfortable clothing or pajamas.
Walking in heels was another problem for you. Any second now, you were sure you were gonna have to call Dr Cho because you had somehow broken your neck. However, after a few laps around your room, you felt confident enough to walk a few blocks in them. Grabbing a purse and a jacket from your closet, you staggered out of your room and into Bucky’s chest.
“Whoa there, you alright?” He asked, pushing you away from him. He eyed you up and down, making you feel naked under his gaze.
“Why wouldn’t I be? And what are you doing here? Outside my door?” You folded your arms across your chest, big mistake as it pushed your cleavage together and with the height difference, Bucky had a pretty good view. He was a gentleman though and kept (or tried) to keep his eyes glued to your face.
“I came to apologize. Where are you going dressed like that?”
“It’s a bit late for an apology. I got your message loud and clear from this morning.” You scoffed. “And I’m going out with my real friends, not that it’s any of your damn business.”
“A party?” He wondered, his jaw clenching at the thought of you dancing with other people that weren’t him.
“Yes, and you’re not invited.” You smirked, turning on your heels and walking towards the waiting elevator, ignoring his calls of your name.
Bucky watched as the metal doors closed, his hands tugged his hair so hard he was afraid he would rip it out. He’s fucked up, Natasha was right. There was no way of fixing this.
“Fuck!” He yelled, kicking a hole in the wall next to your door.
Taglist [50/50]: @w-wolfhxrd @kennedywxlsh @team-marvel13 @rosiahills22 @fallenoutofrose @sourpatchspinster @hazeljean2 @divergent-llamas-03 @jasminweasley @gearhead66 @loudbluepancake @pinkybee926 @furiouscopshepherduniversity @moonlacebeam @chipster-21 @rottenstyx @mundaytuesday @legacies-roserussell @gallifreyansass @supernaturalcat7 @osterfieldshollandgirl @daeguboysmykt @serendipityharry @shittyfuckinweeb @wanniiieeee @hopplessdreamer @wordacadabra @josis-teacup @barneschoco @the-nonsenseblog @angywritesstuff @cherrytop02 @spn-obession @dottirose @veroxloki @wildeausten @directorofmylife @unholyhazza @bababasti @mrslilyrogers-ficrecs @study-aesthetics01 @sophieisinlove @merlin-288 @cable-kenobi @beananacake @johnmurphys-sass @slytherdoravenger @thesnoweclipse @townwitchbadbitch @sxtansqueen
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dollslayer · 3 years
Text
By Its Cover
Dark!Librarian!Steve Rogers x Shy!Reader, College AU
Summary: Your late nights at the university library spark a chain of events. Will they lead to your undoing? To anyone else's?
W/C: 8,890 (oops, sorry)
Warnings: DARK themes, NO MINORS, stalking, murder, minor character death, smut, angst, unprotected sex, oral sex, alcohol consumption, swearing
A/N: FINALLY, I wrote this for @darkficsyouneveraskedfor's 2 Years of Darkness challenge! This fic kicked my ass but after some months I'm so excited about it! This is my first truly dark fic so please don't read if any of these topics upset you but I do want to make a note that the sex is consensual. If I missed any warnings please DM me immediately and I will add them. Reblog/comment if you liked it! Maybe even check out some of my other fics 👀 Cheers!
Main Masterlist
You stumbled slightly on the uneven pavement as you made the final steps towards the graduate school library. It was always so much quieter than the undergrad library and at this hour there’d be a good chance it was just you and the poor person stuck working the overnight help desk. You didn’t mind that though, you were never an overly sociable person and you preferred to work alone anyways.
You swiped your student ID through the sensor and the little green light granted you entry as you opened the door. Looking around there wasn’t even someone at the desk, just the sound of the always-on A/C rattling the leaves of the fake plants in the lobby.
You moved to put your ID away when it slipped from your fingers and plapped onto the floor, your own face staring back up to you from the plastic. You sighed and swung your bag further back over your shoulder as you bent to pick it up when a pair of legs edged their way into your vision. Caught off guard by the man attached to them, you watched him bend to pick up the piece of plastic.
You both straightened back up to your full heights and you found yourself looking up at him. He had clear blue eyes and sandy blond hair that was swept back. He looked like he could be a model, he was so handsome and you felt like a deer in headlights.
You realized that he had your ID in his hand and was waiting patiently for you to take it. You smiled awkwardly and took it from him. He looked back to your card and read your name out loud and snapped you out of your thoughts.
“Thank you” you said more in surprise than gratitude “Sorry, I just, I could’ve sworn no one was here you came out of nowhere” You laughed nervously, hoping to hide your embarrassment. You were never good with talking to people and once a situation got awkward you just got yourself deeper in it.
“I was just coming around the corner when I noticed you dropped your ID. I actually work the late shift at the desk. Serves me right for applying last minute for work through the university, right?” He asked with a small laugh.
“Late night cram session? You look like your back’s about to snap from holding all those books” He pointed to your bag, the stitches of it’s straps were frayed and had been sewn over a couple of times.
“Yeah, I like coming here late, hardly anyone’s here, I don’t have to deal with people and I can just focus” You explained
“Right, well, sorry to keep you. If you need anything I’m Steve, and I’ll be bored out of my mind at the desk” he smirked and walked back towards reception.
You turned down the hall and thought how strange it was that you’d never seen him here before. It was the middle of the semester so he couldn’t have just started but you were in here all the time and you’d never run into him once. You brushed the thought off and continued on your way.
____
Over the next few weeks you and Steve developed a routine. You’d come in around 10 or 11, you’d stop at the desk and chat a bit and then you’d head up to your spot on the second floor to study. Occasionally Steve would see you when he returned books and you’d joke around a bit before he’d leave you to your work. You were building a good rapport with each other and he was pleased.
Sometimes he’d been too shy to approach you. It made him feel like the scrawny, helpless kid he was before the growth spurt. Beautiful girls like you never looked twice at him but he knows that you’re different, he knows that if you had met him then that you’d never treat him like those girls did. He knows that in time you two could really have something special.
Steve understood that building a relationship with you would take time and balance. He didn’t want to seem too eager but ever since he saw you he knew he’d do anything to just talk to you.
It started some months ago when he was visiting Bucky on campus. They had been hanging out in the quad right by a group of buildings when you tripped on the pavement and your books fell at his feet. He helped you up and even collected your books for you but you were too flustered and embarrassed to meet his eye. You eked out a thank you and scurried into the graduate library.
That moment sparked a blooming obsession within him. The following night he was still in town but he went out without Bucky and staked out where he’d been the previous night and watched you go to the library at the same time you had. The next two nights he did this and quickly pieced together your nightly routine.
Within a month's time he was set to transfer for the next semester and when he did he got a job working night shifts at the library. Bucky had asked him why on Earth he’d want that and Steve had shrugged him off, claiming that he wanted to be paid and didn’t want to deal with anyone. Seemed like a good enough reason to anyone else.
And so that’s how Steve found himself invading your personal space to hand you your ID. He enjoyed the way you trembled slightly in surprise. You looked so small next to him, looking up at him. He nearly forgot what he was going to say, feeling suddenly shy himself. You were so close to him and you were just as beautiful as he remembered.
Take it slow, he reminded himself.
____
Your apartment door slammed behind you as you stormed out of the building. You left in only what you were wearing which was a light hoodie and some leggings. You had thought to grab your book bag before you left and it kept knocking into your side with each angry step you took. Tears streaked your face but you tried your best to brush them off and continued on your brisk walk to the library.
You and your boyfriend had gotten into a fight and things got heated pretty fast, they always did with Sean. You had confronted Sean about being gone so often and so late, you’d missed him and wanted to spend time with you. That’s when he started getting defensive and turning your late nights at the library right around on you.
Things escalated to shouting and Sean had gotten so angry that he’d knocked over a pile of your books from the table. It had scared you and that’s when you left. You knew that you’d be getting nowhere with him when he was so angry. You wanted to be alone and needed a distraction so you grabbed your bag and headed for the library.
You secretly hoped Steve was working, it’d be nice to see a friendly face. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t have the tiniest crush on him. He’s handsome and funny and kind and he always knows when to give you space. You wish you’d met him at a different point in your life, you could really see yourself with him in another timeline. Maybe it was just easier to think that having just had a fight with Sean.
You swiped your card and waited patiently for the door to open. You could tell Steve had already spotted you and was looking at you as you passed through the glass doors. He was smiling his same boyish charm smile that made you feel even shier than you already were. You must’ve looked a mess but it was comforting to see him there waiting for you.
“There she is,” Steve said with a smile as he got up from his chair to greet you. His face immediately fell though as he took in the tracks of your tears and your puffy eyes.
“What’s wrong?” Steve looked upset and angry for you. You were touched, but you’d rather leave it.
“I’d rather not talk about it, if it’s okay. It’s nice to see you though, Steve. How’s your night?”
Steve’s jaw ticked but he swallowed and nodded and you were grateful he didn’t push it further.
“Uneventful as usual, it’s good to see you too, doll.”
You felt your cheeks heat at the nickname. If you were on better terms with Sean you’d feel bad but you couldn’t find it in yourself to do anything but giggle.
You said your goodbye to Steve and made your way to the second floor to study.
Hours passed and you had your nose buried in a book when you felt a sudden presence. You looked up slowly behind you and shrieked when you found Steve just inches from you. He held his hands out defensively and tried to catch your breathing.
“Steve, oh my God, I didn’t see you there, you scared me!” You laughed as you caught your breath.
“Yeah, sorry, I uh, have a habit of doing that.” He said as he ducked his head sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck. Was he blushing? Why did he look nervous?
“I, um. I was uh, I was hoping to maybe ah, ask you something, actually.” Steve swallowed thickly. He is nervous. You smiled at him and motioned for him to go on.
“I was thinking… maybe, when you’re free if um, would you maybe want to go to dinner? With me?” He stammered out.
You smiled and felt heat flood your cheeks all over again, Steve was gorgeous and you were flattered that someone like him would want to go out with you. Just as quickly as that flattery came dread had instantly replaced it. You had a boyfriend, you couldn’t do that to Sean. Oh God, now I have to turn him down. What if he hates me?
“Wow… I uh, Steve,” you started, “I’m. You’re so sweet, I don’t know what to say. But, I have a boyfriend, I’m really sorry”
“But- but don’t think I wouldn’t say yes, if I could. You’re such a nice guy and I’m really happy for our friendship. I hope this doesn’t make things weird between us, I’m. I’m sorry,” You quickly led up with. You felt so awkward and bad that you had to turn him down.
Steve’s jaw ticked and he looked away. A blush of embarrassment had made its way up his neck and into his cheeks. His fists clenched at his sides and he took a deep breath.
“It’s… It’s fine, I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I don’t want things to be weird between us either. You know what? Why don’t we just forget the whole thing? Sorry again.” He finished with a tight lipped smile
You sent an uneasy smile back and nodded.
“Of course, no damage done, Steve.”
With that he left you and you went back to your book. You tried not to overthink the entire situation but couldn’t help but feel slightly uncomfortable.
____
“Boyfriend” the word echoed in his head on a never ending loop with deafening reverb. He nodded curtly at you and smiled. You had your awkward exchange of apologies and excuses. Wordlessly, he made his way back to the information desk. He felt angry but also humiliated, he had spent at least a week building himself up to say something to you and you just turned him down so wholly?
He saw the way you looked at him, the way you laughed at his jokes. Steve knew that he meant more to you than you were letting on. There was attraction there, you were just in denial because you had a boyfriend.
Who even was this schmuck? You couldn’t have liked him that much because if you did then you would’ve mentioned him before but you hadn’t. If you really loved your boyfriend then you wouldn’t have smiled at Steve the way you did or stopped to say hello every night. He needed to see for himself whom exactly it was that was so undeserving of your attention.
Steve checked the cameras and saw that you were packing up your things. He had maybe a few minutes to gather his own things and wait for you. There was someone else coming to cover the library in 20 minutes, it would be fine if he left it alone until then. He decided to make himself scarce from the desk so you wouldn’t have to see him again before you left and you wouldn’t notice he’d be following you.
Waiting for the sound of the double doors to click shut he turned the corner and waited for just a minute. He slunk down the mainways of campus towards the student apartments and stopped just 20 yards away from you up against a wall. You looked so cold all alone in the dark as you buzzed in one of the numbers.
“1B, what the fuck could you possibly want at this hour?” a gruff voice answered over the comm.
“Baby, it’s me, sorry I forgot my keys but you weren’t responding to my texts so” You trailed off as you shivered in the night. No reply came, just the buzzer sounding off. You hurried inside and Steve tried his best to scope out external windows.
Finally the light came on in one of them and to his luck the blinds were mostly open. Through the vertical slats he could make out your entrance and an impeding figure from the hall. It was him, the boyfriend. The guy that was apparently so much better than Steve.
He saw your body language was tense and you opened your mouth to speak but before you could get a word in, your boyfriend was grabbing your face in his hands and kissing you. You looked surprised maybe, but you just let him grab you like that. You just fucking let him.
He watched from his spot against a pillar from the building across the walkway. He clenched his jaw and tried to control his breathing watching this guy, this boy manhandle you like you weren’t something special, something precious. He was disgusted but he couldn’t look away as your clothes were shirked off and you two fucked right there on the couch.
He couldn’t bring himself to watch anymore and stormed off. As he walked back to his place a plan began to form in the back of his mind.
____
Things with Sean were smoothed over. You didn’t really talk, so much as he just fucked you before you could even talk about it. He had kissed you on the cheek after and said he was sorry. So you figured that he was. You didn’t really feel like pushing it anyways.
You made for the library once again, anticipating a long night ahead of you with midterms around the corner.
You let out a shriek as you realized someone was standing over you. Steve was hovering right above you, looking even taller than he already was. You pushed your chair back to get some distance between yourself and him while you caught your breath from the momentary scare.
“Steve, I uh, sorry I didn’t hear you coming, again.”
He leaned himself against the edge of the table and crossed his arms. How had you not realized he was so muscular before? You flushed and scolded yourself for thinking about him like that. You had a boyfriend and Steve was just the nice guy at the library.
He ducked his head shyly and waved your apology off.
“Sorry, guess I’m just sneaky.” He chuckled in amusement but the feeling wasn’t mutual, “I was just up here returning some books when I realized I missed you coming in, thought I’d come say hi.”
“Right,” you replied, “Guess we just missed each other. How’s the desk tonight?”
“Bored to tears as usual, just glad you’re here tonight”
Steve winked at you and you felt your cheeks get hot again and you looked away with a small laugh.
“You always know just what to say, don’t you?”
“Ah that’s not true.” He paused, “I get nervous all the time around pretty girls like you”
You were really in it now. Your cheeks heated instantly and you had to look away from him again. For someone that just got rejected he doesn’t stay down for long. How the hell were you going to talk your way out of this one? He knows you have a boyfriend, why would he say that?
“Anyway, I’ll leave you to it.” Oh, thank God.
He begins to walk back to his cart before spinning on his heel one last time.
“Hey, I forgot to ask. You’re pretty good with art history, right?”
You nod cautiously, afraid that you know where this is going.
“Well, as of right now I’ve got a C. I was wondering if you’d be willing to meet on one of my nights off here and help me out?”
“O-oh. Yeah, of course. No problem. I’m sure Sean wouldn’t mind.”
You were too nice for your own good, saying yes before really thinking it all through. You only realized you had after the words left your mouth so you mentioned Sean to save yourself a bit.
Steve’s eyes crinkled in the corners as he smiled at you.
“Awesome, you’re the best. Maybe we can get together at that cafe on 3rd next Tuesday around noon?”
“Of course, I’ll be there” You confirm.
____
Tuesday couldn’t come soon enough for Steve. He didn’t need any help in art history, he was averaging about an 87, actually. But when you turned him down he knew he had to find another way to get closer to you and he knew that you’d say yes out of pressure.
All in all things were going pretty well for Steve. Despite your shy nature he’d managed to get closer to you much quicker than he expected. He loved watching you get flustered whenever he was close, finding it hard not to get flustered himself. He was impatient for things to move forward but he knew it would all pan out. There was only one wrench in the plan; your boyfriend Sean.
The other night when Steve had followed you home and witnessed Sean manhandle you in your apartment he began thinking of how to remove him from the picture. Steve did his research on Sean and found it suspicious he couldn’t find anything on him. Usually after a little digging you can find something off about anyone, but not him. Steve knew it would take a little more effort, but for you he’d make it.
So that’s how Steve wound up spending his night off in the corner of the dive bar that was just off campus. Off campus enough that you’d need to drive there. He had tailed Sean’s Jeep there after his club soccer game in hopes of finding something he could actually use to justify getting rid of him for you. He groused as he pulled into the parking garage across the street and pocketed his parking stub. He waited a few beats and watched Sean leave his car.
He slinked in the door and grabbed a dimly lit corner booth. The residue of whatever cleaner this place used was causing his forearms to stick to the table at his booth and the air stunk of vape smoke. He was surrounded by other 20-somethings, awkward Tinder hookups and frat bros meeting up to blow off steam.
On the opposite side of the room he spotted Sean, watched him as he approached the bar for another pint. He’d followed him here in hopes of getting some sort of information on him that he could use. After an hour of nursing one beer and absolutely nothing happening with Sean Steve had been ready to give up.
Just as he was getting ready to down the rest of his drink the door had opened and in walked a girl around his age. She looked nervous but excited as she looked around the place. She nearly squealed as she rushed over when she found who she was looking for. A smile slowly crawled across Steve’s face as the girl rushed into Sean’s arms and embraced him with a kiss. This is exactly what Steve needed to get him out of the picture.
Steve discreetly took out his phone and snapped a few photos, even got a video of them kissing again. He figured this would be enough to blackmail Sean into leaving you. Getting what he needed, he grabbed his jacket and left the bar. He felt light as a feather walking home, his plan was finally setting into motion and it wouldn’t be long until you were together.
Tuesday had finally come and Steve’s good mood only carried over. He practically skipped to the coffee shop you two had agreed to meet at. He grabbed a table and waited for you. When he saw you open the door he was grinning ear to ear but his expression quickly changed taking in your appearance. You looked exhausted, like you’d been crying again. This wouldn’t do.
“What’s wrong? Is it your boyfriend again?” Steve asked.
You nodded silently and set down your bag with a huff.
“He’s just been out really late lately, I feel like he’s never home. Then again I’m always out late.”
“Well I’m glad you’re a night owl, otherwise we wouldn’t have met” Steve tried to turn the conversation back to them and to keep it positive.
“I guess you’re right. You didn’t order anything?” You frowned, noticing his empty hands.
“I was waiting for you, it’s my treat.” You opened your mouth to protest but Steve was quick to add, “Don’t even try to argue with me on this one.”
You sighed but ultimately relented, following him to the counter. He let you order first.
“Um, just a small hot chocolate please, thank you so much”
Steve thought it was cute that you didn’t drink caffeine, he knew hot chocolate was your drink of choice. He knew this of course from hours of pouring over every profile of yours he could find on the internet. He even found your tumblr you were just sure nobody knew about. Turns out you’ve got quite the dirty mind. But that was a thought for another day. Steve turned back to the counter and ordered black coffee and paid the bill.
With drinks in hand you made your way back to your table and settled in for an afternoon of art history. It went smoothly overall and Steve even got you to laugh a few times. He’d perfectly played his balance of pretending not to know about the subject while seeming to be learning what you were teaching. He could tell you felt proud of yourself for accomplishing something and he was happy he could make you feel that way. He was sure he was the only one that could.
You called it a day and said your goodbyes, you went in for an awkward hug which Steve accepted wholeheartedly. He’d even managed to finally snag your number so you two could work out more study times. Maybe you were coming around much easier than he anticipated. He smiled to himself and on the walk home began to devise a plan to get rid of Sean. It’d only be a matter of days if everything went accordingly.
____
You were basking in the rare day off, taking every moment to enjoy doing absolutely nothing. You’d felt drained lately from your class workload, late nights at the library, and your elevating fights with Sean. He was at work today followed by an evening class so you had uninterrupted alone time. Around 10pm it took every ounce of your free will to get off the couch and get the mail.
You milled over to your box and jammed the key in. Pulling the mail out your head titled in curiosity at the large unmarked manila folder. No return address written, only yours but there was nothing indicating whether it was for you or Sean. You’d open it when you got back upstairs.
Finally back to your spot on the couch your fingers slowly undid the folder’s metal clasp and you reached inside for its contents. Out came several photos and a hastily written note. You held the grainy photos closer to your face to make out what they were. When you did your heart plummeted and you went into emotional shock.
Though the photos were grainy it was very clear what they were of. Shots of Sean and some mystery brunette making out in a bar. Sean with his arm around her waist, Sean with his hand on her ass. All the photos were timestamped for only a few days ago when he claimed his soccer game was running late. You dropped them instantly and they scattered to the floor.
Your heart was hammering in your ears, you didn’t know what to think. Sean was the only boyfriend you’d ever really had, Sean loved you, you loved him. Somewhere in the back of your mind you remembered there was a note. You searched for it and tried to read it through the tears that were beginning to blur your vision.
‘I know what you did. You tell her or I will. You have three days’
You didn’t recognize the handwriting. Who would send this? Why would they send it? You and Sean didn’t have many friends and you couldn’t picture them doing this. Maybe this is some prank? Maybe the timestamp is wrong and this is before you were together.
Sean was all you’d ever known and you shared an apartment, it’s not like you’d have anywhere to go or anyone to turn to. Should you confront him with these? It’s not like you two were exactly good at solving your problems. Would he leave you if you showed him these? What then?
Your mind was spinning, unsure of what to do with this new information. Maybe you could keep quiet about this, try to spend some more time with Sean, make him see what the two of you have. Maybe you can ask him to be home more, maybe you could be home more too.
You took a deep breath and wiped your tears before you gathered the photos and put them back into the envelope. You decided you’d hold onto them for now, tucking them away in your drawer of the dresser. Deciding you’d just work yourself up if you stayed up you shot Sean a text goodnight and went to bed.
Morning came and he was snuggled into your side, the comfort you felt had you feeling like everything might be okay for a moment. You stayed in bed just a little longer and turned so he could hold you in his arms. Your heart felt so unsure and scared, but you didn’t know what else you could do.
The week passed by and you decided to shift more of your energy towards your relationship with Sean, pushing your nights at the library to the backburner. You still hadn’t told him about the envelope but you did tell him you missed him and wished he was home more. He relented and was home four nights this week instead of his usual two.
The time together was uncomfortable but you kept telling yourself that things were getting a little better over time, even if your studies were suffering for it. As the week went on you were able to suppress your doubts about your relationship a bit more. Sean loved you and you loved him.
You couldn’t ignore the oncoming threat of midterms forever, though. The last thing you wanted was to be alone because you knew that your thoughts would just spiral but you needed to do well this semester so you grabbed your bag and headed out.
You swipe through the doors, almost looking forward to seeing Steve. You’d blown off your study session with a profuse apology so you could be with Sean. You were eager to apologize in person but found the reference desk to be completely abandoned. You frowned, maybe Steve was putting away books or something. You’d see him eventually though, for now you had an essay to write.
Hours could have gone by and you wouldn’t have known. You were getting so much done though, it felt good to be focused on something other than your own thoughts.
“Where’ve you been?”
You jump in your seat. You turn around to find Steve emerging from the shelves that were just out of your view. He wore a neutral expression but you could cut the tension with a knife. He stepped forward and you debated on what to say.
“Sorry, I had to cancel with you this week. How are you getting along?”
“Nothing another tutoring session couldn’t fix, I’m sure. Were you sick? I feel like you haven’t been here in forever. The nights get awful lonely without ya here”
Why did Steve keep making statements like that when he knew you had a boyfriend? It was driving you insane and getting harder to ignore them.
“Um, no, I was with Sean, actually. But y’know, can’t avoid midterms forever” You gave a half-hearted laugh hoping to lighten things up.
Steve’s neutral expression is slipping, but you can’t tell if he’s angry or not. But his face broke out into a small smile, putting you at ease instantly. He clapped you on the shoulder and took a step back.
“Yeah, guess you’re right. We still on for Tuesday?”
You gave him an easy smile and nodded.
“I’ll be counting the days” With that Steve disappeared back between the shelves.
____
The moment Steve placed the envelope in the mail he felt a confidence he hadn’t felt before. All he had to do was wait for you to open the envelope and everything would take its course. He knew Sean was at work and you’d be the one to get the mail that day. From his spot he’d peered in your windows all those weeks ago he watched you open the photos. You dropped them to the ground and held a hand to your mouth to cover what looked like a sob. Steve smiled to himself, now all you had to do was leave him.
The week went on and Steve figured you might need a little time to break it off and he’d be there at the library, waiting to comfort you. It’s not like you had any other friends in your life to turn to. But then you cancelled your study session with no explanation. Steve figured maybe you were still in shock, needed to cry it out alone. Then two days turned to four turned to seven.
Steve was confused, he was infuriated even. Why hadn’t you come to the library yet? Why hadn’t you texted him? There’s no way that you were actually going to stay with him after you saw him with another woman. Except that’s exactly what he did.
Looking back on it Steve recognized his mistakes. He knew you were shy and meek, sweet, it’s what he loved about you. But he should’ve accounted for this to happen. You were too sweet for your own good, wanting to make it work with Sean. It was an obstacle he hadn’t seen but this is just a slight bump in the plan. He can work around it.
When he saw you coming up the steps on the security camera he made himself scarce, not ready to face you just yet. He gave you some hours to study before he made himself known to you. He could tell just by the way you talked that you were in complete denial about what was happening. You weren’t strong enough to leave him but that’s okay, Steve is strong enough for the both of you right now, he’ll help you get there.
____
Just when you thought things were getting better Sean was back to becoming distant, going out with his teammates and coming home still a little drunk. The more you thought about those photos and thought about how he slipped back into old habits so easily the more you were working up the courage to confront him. You weren’t sure if you’d leave him, but maybe it would make him change.
Then the second envelope came. More photos of them kissing and leaving the bar together. They were time stamped just two nights ago. Your heart fell through the floor as you tried to make sense of things. How much of this could you put up with? When was enough? You needed to confront him when he got home.
You texted him to try to come home early tonight, saying it was important. You spent the rest of the evening planning out your words and trying to quell the oncoming panic attacks. Time passed by in a blur and before you knew it it was midnight and you still had no word from Sean. You couldn’t spend one more minute alone, you needed to get out. You needed a friend.
Your body was on autopilot as your feet carried you up the steps of the library. Steve wasn’t at the desk and you felt almost distressed. You knew he’d be a good third party to talk all this out to and you didn’t know what to think when he wasn’t there. You decided to shoot him a text.
‘Hey, I know you usually work Thursdays, I’ll be at my usual spot, I could really use a friend if you’re not too busy’ Did that sound too desperate? At this point you didn’t care.
You sunk down into your chair on the second floor with a huff. You hadn’t brought your bag so it’s not like you could study to distract yourself. As it turned out you didn’t need to.
“I’m never too busy for you, doll. ‘Specially not at this job” Steve’s voice carried as he rounded a corner into your sight.
You felt instantly better before you realized you were crying. It was hard to be vulnerable but if you could trust anyone with this it was Steve. You gave him a weak smile as he pulled up a chair beside you.
“What’s wrong? Do you need tissues?”
“No, sorry, I just.” You were struggling to find the words. “Sean is cheating on me”
Steve’s hands clenched into fists, he looked absolutely furious for you.
“Are you serious? That bastard! Doll, I’m so sorry. Have you confronted him?” His hand reached for yours and his thumb rubbed light circles.
“I-I, I haven’t said...anything. I just. He loves me y’know? Why would he do that? He’s all I have? What happens if he leaves me where will I stay I’ll be completely alone, I’ll-”
You had worked yourself into a panic attack as you desperately tried to take gulps of air while tears streamed down your face. You were losing touch with your surroundings and spiraling into a place you couldn’t get yourself out of. Steve moved his chair closer to you and brought you into his lap. He held your back to his chest and wrapped his arms around you. You could just make out what he was saying.
“Doll, it’s okay, I need you to breathe with me, can you do that? Take a deep breath in with me. Hold it and count to five with me,” You do but you’re still struggling. “Now exhale, count again for me. You’re doing so well, you can do this.”
Eventually Steve is able to bring you back down to Earth and you slumped back into his arms. You don’t care that Steve is holding you, it feels safe. You shifted so you could lean your head against his chest and let out a heavy sigh. He holds you to himself and lets you sit there for a while.
You don’t know how much time passes but you sit up slowly and he’s reluctant to let you go. You wipe your eyes as you go back to your own chair.
“Sorry, I’m keeping you from your job. Sorry I just totally came here and freaked out” You were starting to feel embarrassed, oversharing your life and emotions with him. You really liked him, you didn’t want to think you’d ruined the friendship.
“Don’t even apologize. You can always come to me.” He gave you a warm smile and you felt reassured. “So what are you going to do about Sean?”
Another hour had gone by with Steve and you could see the sun starting to come through the windows. You had decided you would confront him and go from there. You weren’t ready to fully commit to leaving him but this needed to end one way or another. For the first time in two weeks you felt like things were maybe going to be okay. The next time you saw Sean you were going to confront him.
____
Clearly seeing that you weren’t going to do anything after he sent the photos, he had to go to plan B. Steve waited outside the practice field and followed him to the parking structure once again. He jammed the parking stub in his jacket pocket along with the others and repeated his previous trips here. It was astounding how unaware Sean was of his surroundings, Steve had followed him and that girl from the bar back to her place at least twice now.
Getting what he needed he put another envelope in the mail the next day, this time with no note but the photos were more upsetting. It hurt Steve to hurt you but it’s what needed to be done. You were never going to confront him with things as they were so he had to push the envelope, literally and metaphorically. The hurt would be worth it though, because you came crying to him just like he’d hoped you would. Seeing your text warmed his heart, you needed him and he’d be there. Every time.
He knew he’d be comforting you but he didn’t think that he’d get to hold you. He was hiding his smile as he wrapped his arms around you and brought you down from your panic attack. You did so well listening to him and calming down. He was convinced he was the only one that could help you, you just needed to see that.
Steve abandoned his cart of books that needed to be shelved but he couldn’t care less. He’d stay up all night with you every night if that’s what it took. As dawn broke the two of you devised a plan and he built you up to say something. You weren’t committed to leaving him, which Steve wasn’t happy about, but you were committed to confronting him, if only you’d get the chance.
Based on what Steve knew of both yours and Sean's schedules you’d just miss each other between classes during the day and Sean had a game tonight, which would inevitably lead to a night at the bar. All Steve had to do was wait. He had to contain his excitement, things were finally finally falling right into place, they just needed a final push.
Nightfall came and this time Steve beat Sean to the structure. Steve parked on the top level and stuck the parking stub in his pocket. He didn’t feel like he was taking a risk by counting on Sean to follow routine, he was a good boy, he’d park in his same spot he always did and proceed to get wasted across the street.
A slow smile creeped across Steve’s face as Sean and his teammates stumbled into the bar, probably already drunk from pre-gaming. Sean’s sidepiece wouldn’t come to the bar tonight, her sorority having some dumb mixer or another. Steve reminded himself of his mantra to wait. His phone buzzed and he saw it was a text from you. You two had been texting after you came to him in the library.
‘He’s not responding to my texts. I know he had a game tonight but I really thought he’d be here’
He’d have to text you back another time, Steve needed to be on his toes tonight. He sat at what was becoming his usual booth for nearly two hours, barely touching his pint. Finally Sean paid his tab and said goodnight to his friends. Steve pulled down the brim of his hat and pursued him towards the parking structure. Drunken and fumbling up through the stairwell, Steve entered behind him quietly while taking out a knife he’d stolen from Bucky. He always knew his friend’s strange obsession with them would come in handy someday.
Just as Sean was about to take the final step Steve grabbed him from behind. Sean’s reactions may have been slowed but it hadn’t stopped him trying to thrash out of the grip. His efforts stopped immediately as Steve held the blade to his throat. He spoke clearly and in a low voice.
“Keep walking up the stairs or I will slit your fucking throat, do you hear me?” He brought the knife closer to his neck to drive home the threat.
“E-easy man, please, please don’t do this”
“Keep moving. Up.”
Steve pushed him all the way towards his car at the edge of the top level. He flipped Sean around so his back was to the ledge, the knife still trained closely on him. Pleads for mercy fell on deaf ears.
“What do you wan’!? You wan’ money!? Take, take my wallet man I don’t need it, jus’ please don’t kill me please!”
Steve pushed him slightly, though his grip on him remained tight. Sean struggled against him as his body weight wavered over the ledge. He must have realised how far up they were because he started crying at this point, begging even harder as he teetered and trying desperately to get his bearings against the wall.
“Why are you doing this!?” He wailed, “I’ll do anything, please! Please, I have a girlfriend, I have a family”
That was all that it took. Steve was feeling a high like he’d never felt. He knew at this moment he was doing the right thing for both of you. With a rush of adrenaline and in a flash of certainty he pushed Sean’s body over the edge. He didn’t watch him fall the seven stories down to the ground, but he did wait to hear the sickening crack and thud of his body hitting the ground. There was no way he’d survived.
Blood rushing through his ears, he felt euphoric, so powerful, so in love with you. He climbed back into his car and headed for his apartment. His plan wasn’t quite complete yet though, but everything he needed to do was done. He could watch the rest unfold from the sidelines. He knows you’ll be heartbroken all over again when you find out, but he’ll be there to pick up the pieces.
____
You’d been in mourning for nearly two months. The shock you’d felt wasn’t comparable to any other feeling you’d felt. The police ultimately ruled his death an accident, they performed an autopsy and found dangerous amounts of alcohol in his system. They weren’t able to pinpoint an exact time of death but estimated 2-3 AM, as he’d been found in the morning. They figured he’d just gotten piss drunk and came too close to the edge. And he was gone just like that.
His death weighed heavy on you, you blamed yourself for a long time. He wouldn’t have stayed out if you hadn’t pushed him so far away from you. The last thing you ever said to him was nagging and whiny, no wonder he didn’t want to come home. To think that you were possibly going to leave him. You felt so much self-contempt but slowly you were learning to forgive yourself.
You don’t know what you’d have done without Steve by your side. He was there for you every step of the way. He held you at the funeral, he helped you pack up Sean’s things in the apartment, he took your late night phone calls and came over at the drop of a hat to help you through your grief. You were eternally grateful for his selflessness and his willingness to help you heal.
Guilt loomed over you once again as the old feelings you’d had for Steve in the early days of your friendship started to flare up again. It felt natural to feel them, with him being closer to you than he ever was, but it didn’t stop you from feeling shame over it. You had to remind yourself that you weren’t culpable for anything that happened, that Sean himself was interested in someone else when he’d died. You had to forgive yourself for these feelings for Steve. Maybe even pursue them.
‘Can you come over tonight? I think we should talk’ Your nerves were on fire from the rush you got sending him that text.
‘How about you come to my place? 7? We can go for something to eat if you want.’ Your heart was fluttering, was this a date?
‘Sounds good :)’
Checking the time you saw it was 4, you spent the next few hours obsessing over what to say. No matter what you were determined to tell him your feelings for him. You were debating whether or not you should kiss him. Would he even want you back? What if he only sees you as a friend now? The hours whiled away and you took a deep breath before setting out.
You’d been to Steve’s apartment only once before, you knew he lived alone but he’d managed to make the place feel homey. You were buzzed in and before you had the chance to knock on the door Steve had it open and was waiting for you. His smile was all teeth and it was contagious, you smiled back looking up at him and he let you in.
You sat down on the couch and waited for Steve. No turning back now. Deep breath. He sat down and turned to face you.
“What did you want to talk about?”
No words were coming to you. Your mouth opened but you could only sputter. Oh God, where were the words? Do something!
So you did. Before you could think about it you put a shaky hand up to Steve’s jaw and pulled him in for a kiss. You didn’t know what you were feeling, you were just waiting for Steve to respond. You began to pull back but before you could he took your face in his hands and kissed you back tenderly but with purpose. Your arms were around him and he pulled you closer into his lap to kiss you more passionately.
You finally pulled apart to catch your breath. You snuck a look up to his face and you were nervous but you felt like you were floating.
“You have… no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that” He said between breaths.
You two smiled like idiots and he brought his lips to yours again. The kiss deepened and a moan slipped from your mouth. This seemed to spark something in Steve and his hands shakily moved over your body. He was feeling every curve of you and you ground down into his lap and his hips bucked up in response. You have no idea where this confidence came from but you’d never felt more sure of yourself. You broke apart again and Steve was breathing heavily.
“Is this what you want?” He asked. You could only nod before he was on you again. He pulled you up from the couch and led you to his bed. This time he laid you back and was hovering over you, slowly undoing the buttons of your jeans. You helped him get yourself out of them and pulled your shirt over your head, leaving you in just your bra and panties. How was this happening? Who cares?
He sat back and took the sight of you in, he was looking at you like you were the most precious thing. He slowly removed his clothes and moved back over you, kissing his way up your thighs before pulling your panties down your legs. He continued laving away at your skin, making you nervous but excited. His fingers brushed your core and he brought them up to his face.
“Sweetheart, you are dripping.” Your cheeks heated instantly as he chuckled. Not giving you the chance to respond he dove right in. Two fingers entered you and you arched your back, his tongue lapped up your wetness and then at your clit. You’d really never known pleasure like this, no one had ever done this for you before. His fingers pumped in and out of you and your hands flew to his hair and pulled. He continued on and curved his fingers just slightly and you clenched down around him, you were so close.
“Please, I’m so close” you whimpered.
Steve doubled his efforts and before you knew it the tension he had been building up was released in a white hot flash of ecstasy. You writhed against his fingers as he kept pumping them into you. Finally he relented, pulling them out and licking them clean. You’d never seen something that made you feel so filthy but so so good.
He took off his boxers and encased you in his arms. He kissed your neck and you moaned again at the feeling. You spread yourself for him and he lined himself up and groaned. The stretch was something you weren’t ready for. It burned almost, you cried out as he put his whole length in you. He waited all of two seconds before he began thrusting into you. You weren’t ready but you were adjusting quickly with the way his cock hit that spot inside of you over and over.
You were holding onto his shoulders, nails digging in deep as he started to go harder and faster.
“I’m close” He panted into your ear.
Reaching down his fingers found your clit and started moving back and forth quickly, trying to match his thrusts. The tension was building again to a breaking point and you were getting close again. He worked you even harder until you broke, cumming for a second time. Your eyes were screwed shut in ecstasy as you cried again.
“Steve!”
That was all it took before he slammed into you a final time, you could feel his release and you’d never felt closer to him. His movements stopped and your noses touched. He kissed you hard before rolling off of you.
“That was… oh my god” you breathed.
“I know, me too” Steve chuckled. “So can I take you to dinner?”
“Nothing would make me happier,” You grinned wide and nodded.
You cleaned yourself up and redressed. You were taking in Steve’s room and found yourself smiling at the photos of him and Bucky, little knick-knacks on his dresser. You found a sticky note on the calendar at his desk. You squinted. Had you seen his handwriting before?
You shrugged and flopped yourself back on the bed. You checked the weather on your phone and frowned at the temperature, you let out a small groan.
“What is it?” Steve called from the bathroom as he cleaned up.
“It’s so coooold and I forgot my jacket” You pouted.
“Just take mine, it’s the brown leather one hanging in the living room” He was so sweet.
Gingerly, you made your way into the living room and found the jacket, slipping it on. You don’t know what was taking Steve so long but you shoved your hands in the pockets and waited for him. You felt something in the right pocket. Is this trash? You pulled out little wadded up pieces of paper and unfolded them.
They were parking stubs. They were from the same structure that Sean had fallen from. Your heart was pounding, upset just thinking of him. Looking closer one of them was stamped for 2:15 AM, 2/1, the night that he died. Okay...
1 AM 1/15, 11:57PM 1/28, They matched the timestamp on the photos that had been sent to you. Two others were from nights when Sean had games and had stayed out late. Your heart was in your throat and tears were forming in your eyes, trying to find some explanation. You thought again of the first time you’d received an envelope, those photos, that note. It had dawned on you why the note looked so familiar… The handwriting! Oh, God... Your whole world slowed down as you heard footsteps bound into the room. Slowly you turned, the stubs still in your shaking hands.
“Oh, Sweetheart,” Steve took a step further, “You weren’t supposed to see those.”
979 notes · View notes
lyssismagical · 2 years
Text
2021 Masterlist
Parkner
Here drink this, you'll feel better - Peter gets drunk at a party, Harley's there to pick up the pieces. (Ft. MJ)
just play along - Peter almost gets kidnapped
three months without you - Peter's gone missing. (Ft. Ned and Harry)
impermanence and milkshakes - Harley doesn't think anything's permanent, it turns out there's an exception
you were never mine - A piece of The Shameless AU (Ft. Harley and his siblings: Abbie, Aspen, Dayton, Sebastian, Jonah, and Bentley, and Harley's mom, Macy)
i wanna be the one you put up a fight for - Peter falls in the Hudson River... again. The consequences are worse than imagined. (Ft. Cassie Lang)
there's too many colors enough to drive all of us insane - Single Dad!Peter struggles when his kids get sick and he ignores his own flu symptoms. He plans to tough it out, but someone's always willing to lend a hand. (Ft. May, and Peter's kids, June, and Benji)
there's no question, no competition, i love you more - Peter and Harley are having a casual day in, CEO's of Stark Industries, living in the penthouse, married and growing old together. Morgan wants advice for proposing to her partner. (Ft. Morgan Stark, Morgan's partner, Saylor, and Morgan and Saylor's puppy, Nova)
we are bittersweet but i'm still stuck knee deep - Peter Parker is depressed. Harley does everything he can. (Ft. Harley's family, Abbie and Macy, and the smalltown folk he grew up with)
harley keener wasn't stupid - Harley stream of consciousness. He'll never be good enough. (Ft. Peter and Tony)
Irondad
a child - Peter stream of consciousness, drowning under the pressure.
i know how much it matters to you - Peter overhears Tony saying that Peter's just an intern, not his kid, and spirals. (Ft. Steve, Natasha, Pepper, May, Ned, and MJ)
rainy days - Peter knows Tony cares about, but Pepper... She must just be putting up with him, right? (Pepper & Peter centric. Ft. Tony and Morgan)
trying, failing, save me, i'm falling - Peter picks a fight with Tony and pushes it too far, grieving May, and Tony says something he regrets only to be called away on a mission. (Ft. Pepper)
twelve years - Peter was kidnapped twelve years ago. Little Drabble. (Ft. the avengers)
stop being so cheesy - Soft Game Night w the Starks
i'm scared, don't go - Peter gets infected with a new strain of anthrax, based on an episode of Criminal Minds, open ending (Ft. Natasha)
MJ/Peter Parker
dependent and fair - MJ breaks a bone while on a date with Peter. She struggles to let him help her. (Ft. May)
Criminal Minds
chamomile and honey - Spencer & Fem BAU Member (reader? Team Member? Unclear). She gets sick, doesn't ask for help. Spencer won't let her suffer on her own.
on your couch - Spencer & Luke or Spencer/Luke. Spencer visits Luke after prison asking for help. (Ft. Roxy ofc)
two feet under - Spencer Post-Revelations stream of consciousness (Ft. Hotch, Derek, JJ, Emily, Garcia, and Tobias)
elephant's memory - Spencer's never had a friend before (Ft. Derek)
so small and so quiet - Snapshots in Spencer's life as he comes to terms with his sexuality (Luke/Spencer if perceived that way. Ft. Diana, William, Derek, Emily, JJ, Garcia, Hotch, Rossi, Luke, Gideon)
AO3, In Progress
now i'm missing your smile - 11 Chapters/????
Irondad & Parkner mainly. Social Media AU during quarantine
Ft. MJ, Ned, Flash, Betty, Cindy, Liz, May, Pepper, Morgan, Harley's Sister Abbie, Cassie, Steve, Nat, Bucky, Sam, Bruce, Helen Cho,
Ft. Boy Next Door, Singing!Peter, Lots of crying peter and dumbass peter, soft dad tony, Flash Redemption, Done With Everyone's Shit!MJ and Pepper, Harley being DoneTM with superheroes, PUNS, sad feels, pinterest pics, and MORE
138 notes · View notes
x-childish-x · 3 years
Text
The Story of Us
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!reader
Fandom: Marvel
Warnings: Fluff, sadness, depression, mentions to breakup, mentions of therapy
Word Count: 2,211
A/N: Hello everyone! Firstly, thank you so much for all the love and all the support on this story! I'm so happy to produce more work for you guys and get this story going! I would love to hear your guys' thoughts on this chapter, maybe even predictions, and/or just general feedback. I want this story to be something you all want/love, and I'm taking all previous comments/asks/votes into consideration while writing. I will be keeping the winner of which boy reader will end up with as a secret until the end! Anyways, I hope you enjoy! The Story of Us by Taylor Swift
Summary: After Stark's party you feel unsure of what to do with yourself, that is until someone comes to help you figure it all out.
PART ONE, PART TWO, PART THREE, PART FIVE, PART SIX, PART SEVEN
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(gif not mine!)
You weren't sure what you should do after realizing you were still immensely in love with Bucky. It'd been three days since you saw him at Stark's party, the party you never should've gone to. 
The first day, you spent crying, nestled under all your blankets in the dark, crying your heart out. It was so wrong. You always used to think you'd grow old with Bucky, that you'd tell your kids and grandkids how you met him, and it was electric. From the moment Wanda introduced you to Bucky, the two of you immediately clicked, and everyone knew you'd get together. But now... now you'd tell your kids, if you had any, he was an old love, your first and maybe your only true love, when they'd come across an old photo of the two of you.
The second day, you spent pacing around your house like a madwoman. You tried contacting Wanda repeatedly, but to no avail, she never picked up. So you paced around the house, arranging and rearranging things, chastising yourself for organizing things in a way Bucky wouldn't like, and then scolding yourself for settling things in a way Bucky would like. You repeatedly gathered the few things you still had of his and put them in a box, trying to convince yourself to get rid of them, before putting it all back and starting your compulsive process all over again.
And now, on the third day, you were sure that process would've started again if your neighbor hadn't called Sam, begging him to come because she was worried for you. 
And so... like the man he was, Sam immediately came, expecting to find you crying under blankets like when he'd come to get you for Stark's party. Instead, Sam found you in the kitchen, furiously whispering to yourself as you stood over a batch of cupcakes.
"(Y/n)?" Sam asked quietly, watching your head snap up, a bright smile on your face.
"Sammy! Come here! I've made three different batches of cupcakes, and I have two batches of cookies in the oven right now, and I'm going to make macarons in a little bit! I figured, y'know..." Sam's eyes widened at the display on your counter, immediately understanding why your neighbor was worried, "I've come to terms with my emotions surrounding Bucky, and I can't mope. Moping's not good for you, y'see, so! I'm baking... baking is great for coping!"
"(Y/n)..."
"There's apple crumble cupcakes, strawberry cheesecake cupcakes, and mocha cupcakes."
"(Y/n)..."
"Then chocolate chip m&m cookies and white chocolate-chip oatmeal cranberry cookies are both in the oven right now."
"(Y/n)..."
"And I'm preparing the batter for red velvet macarons right now since I just finished icing these cupcakes."
Sam grasped your arms gently, halting your stirring of the batter and forcing your gaze to flick up to him, "(Y/n), stop.."
"But... it's good... for coping," You whispered to Sam, your eyes filling with tears as your mind seemed to catch up with your body.
Sam sighed, grabbing a towel and holding it out for you to wipe your hands in, "Baking can be a good coping mechanism, but you're using it for distraction."
Sam wasn't wrong, and you knew he wasn't. You were trying your best to keep your mind occupied because you knew you couldn't do anything with Bucky. You loved him, but you knew that even if he came crashing to your appointment, tumbling to his knees and begging you to take him back, you'd say no. You couldn't let the same mistakes happen. It was too obvious that the both of you still needed to grow before something as simple as talking about your relationship. Bucky fucked up big time, and you knew he had so much to make up for if things ever started heading that way again. But that didn't mean you loved him any less, it didn't mean you didn't want to be with him any less.
Your bottom lip quivered as Sam cleaned your hands, "I still love him Sammy... but he's moved on, and I... I don't know what to do!"
"It's okay to love him still," Sam sighed, cupping your cheeks, "But you need to realize he was terrible to you in the end."
"Well, I was--"
"No," Sam shook his head, "You cannot blame yourself. Bucky was shitty to you, absolutely terrible, and not one ounce of the amazingness you deserve. Yes, Bucky was scared, and he pushed you away because he realized how close you two were. But Bucky is also a grown man. He should've realized that he was hurting you more by pushing you away while you were so patient and putting up with all his bullshit."
"But Sam--"
"No, no buts," Sam snapped, his tone no longer gentle but now stern as he forced your gaze onto him, "He is a grown man who royally fucked up. Yes, he's getting better and has the potential to treat you great, but he messed up. You cannot blame yourself for his mistakes. You are an amazing woman, and he missed his chance. Actually, no, he threw away his chance! Sometimes we love things that hurt us, but we need to put ourselves first."
Slowly, you nodded, blinking away tears as you tried to keep Sam in your vision. You spoke slowly and quietly, "It's okay to love him?"
Sam nodded, a small smile on his lips.
"But I can't blame myself."
He nodded again, his smile growing.
"And I need to accept he's happy. And I deserve to be happy too?"
"That's it," Sam's hands left your cheeks and grasped your hands.
You smiled, nodding slowly, "I can't be treated the way he treated me."
Sam nodded, pulling you into his chest, "See.. this is the best way to start. Constantly say those things to yourself. When you doubt yourself and feel like you're falling back, think of those things."
"There's just so much I still want him to know... we never really talked about anything," You mumbled, nervously playing with the hem of your apron.
Sam sighed, "He's had plenty of chances to talk to you. I know it probably is killing you, seeing him with his wife and all, but Honey, that just means it's not time to talk yet. Neither of you is ready for it."
You nodded softly, continuing with the macaron batter, "I just... our story is a tragedy now. I mean, we try to avoid each other, and we're always so silent. Why can't we admit this is something! It's something huge! We haven't even been able to be friends!"
Sam nudged you, holding the piping tube as you began to fill it, "It's weird, but it ended nasty. You're both still growing. You need time before you're ready to touch those wounds."
"I just hate acting like I care so little, like I'm not affected," You huffed, leaning into Sam slightly, "I wish he knew that he could just say the words... say anything, and I'd drop it all. I'd forgive him for everything."
"Honey, that's not healthy. That's what you gotta prevent," Sam sighed, leaning against the counter as he handed you the piping bag, "Maybe you should start up therapy. I think it'd really benefit you. Help you become more self-aware, set boundaries, and prepare you for communication with Bucky."
A tiny whine left your lips, and you leaned into Sam completely, "But therapists are all... mean and nosey!"
"Hey! I was a social worker once upon a time!"
You laughed as Sam squeezed your side, causing your grip to tighten on the piping bag resulting in a much larger amount of mixture to come out, "Sammy! Now there's gonna be one really big one!"
"Don't worry, honey. I'll have that one."
You laughed, you genuinely laughed. Your head was tossed back in pure glee, and a huge smile was on your face, and Sam felt ecstatic. He remembered how rare it'd been for you to laugh like that since Bucky and you broke up, and since Wanda left, you practically never even genuinely smiled. But now, here you were, making all sorts of baked goods to truly cope, and not just distract yourself, and you were laughing!
Sam helped you take the batches of cookies out and replace them with the macarons. You were glad for his presence. Everything seemed lighter, happier. You felt like you could get through everything when Sam came to the rescue. And come to the rescue Sam certainly had. Because when you finally took out the macarons and finished making them, you stared at roughly 48 cookies, 68 cupcakes, and 28 macarons.
"Gifts!" You yelped suddenly, rushing to your pantry where you kept small plates, "I can mix and match, give them away!"
Sam smiled, watching you start sorting all the cupcakes and cookies and macarons into groups. You worked quickly, talking to Sam about who you wanted to give food to. It was a huge moment, you were having a breakthrough. You wanted to go out. You wanted to see people, you felt amazing. To not be moping around, but instead proactively doing something. Sure, maybe the story of Bucky and you was ending, but your story was just beginning.
Sam drove you around without a single complaint, watching as you skipped up to each door with a happy smile, behaving as if you'd started a new chapter in your life.. Each person you visited had been happily surprised, not only to get your delicious treats but to see you. Your neighbor was ecstatic, mouthing 'thank you' to Sam when she hugged you. Steve, Tony, Pepper, Rhodey, Happy, Nat, Clint, and Bruce had also all hugged you, saying how happy they were to see you. You insisted you couldn't stay long and rushed off to give cupcakes to Peter, and then you insisted Sam drove you to Bucky's place.
You walked up the steps happily, ignoring Sam watching you from the hood of his car. You pressed the doorbell and waited patiently, hoping Bucky would be the one to open the door, but you were instead met with his wife. Still, you smiled, feeling like an intruder on the woman you really didn't know. She smiled back, albeit more of a grimace, and opened the door wider. The white cat, Alpine, bolted out and repeated his actions of last time you'd come. Rolling on your feet and meowing happily.
"Hi, Chloe!" You smiled widely, "I went on a baking binge, and I thought I'd bring some treats for Bucky and you!"
"Oh! Thank you!" Chloe smiled, taking the two plates from you. 
She had to hold in a scoff because she actually felt threatened. Not only were you bringing baked goods for Bucky once again, but Alpine was rubbing all over your ankles, which he never did to her. She knew your past with Bucky, knew that you were a threat to her relationship with the strong avenger. Avenger... she still swooned slightly at the word. Sure, she hadn't been aiming for Bucky, but she figured the brunette boy was the best way to get closer to Steve Rogers anyways.
"But... y'know (y/n)..." Chloe started, a glint in her eyes that immediately made you feel insignificant, "I'd appreciate it if you'd back off of Bucky. He's a married man, and you clearly missed your chance."
You watched with wide eyes as she threw the plates directly into the trash, a smirk on her face as you stuttered, "Chloe... it's not... I mean... I would never do that. As you said, he's married and--"
"And you're still in love with him. This isn't high school," The slightly taller woman sneered, her eyes narrowing on you as she spoke, "Stop pining after a taken man. You'll regret it if you do... I don't give many warnings."
A chill ran down your spine, goosebumps forming immediately at the woman's words. You were stunned as she slammed the door shut, Alpine meowing loudly as he went and sat at the door. You turned, face contorted in confusion and slight hurt as you walked down the steps. This isn't high school? Really? Bold of her to say that while she was acting the way she did. 
Sam rushed to your side, grabbing your shoulders lightly, "Honey what's wrong? What happened?"
"N-nothing," You stuttered, shaking your head slightly, "Chloe was there, I just uh... wasn't expecting her to be so nice?"
Sam raised an eyebrow as you leaned into his chest, burying your head into his shoulder. Your arms wrapped tightly around him, longing to feel safe in some way. Though he questioned your behavior, Sam didn't argue. He wrapped his arms around you as his gaze flicked to his best friend's house. 
Immediately you felt immensely safer when Sam's arms wrapped around you. You weren't sure what it was or why, but the words Chloe said made you feel scared. Maybe it was the crazed glint in her eyes that you chose to ignore, or maybe, it was the snarl in her voice... but you feared that she would hurt you. 
And as Bucky's beloved wife watched from a window, she knew immediately that you would be all too easy to break.
Tag list: @thesneakylittleminx @vicmc624
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wicked-mind · 3 years
Text
Remember Me: Chapter Seven
Summary: Y/N and Bucky were the unlikely match when it came to love, but they were inseparable since they met. After a fight, Y/N left to be a trauma surgeon in the military and returns without her memories. How will Bucky remind Y/N how she is the fire in his bones?
Word Count: 4.4k
Warnings: Swearing (I like swearing. Adds character and sounds pretty to me lol), mentions of surgical procedures, car crash, miscarriage, John Walker, slight bit of PTSD.
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As always, any likes, reblog, or comments are appreciated (:
*gifs not mine
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Previously
Y/N removed her eyes from his face, listening to the story. Her forehead creased a moment as she thought about all that was said before meeting his gaze once again. A small smile curved on her lips and she leaned towards him, kissing his lips softly before pulling away slightly to look at him, “I forgive you, Bucky."
Bucky felt relief flood through him at her words, smiling down to her. He couldn’t find any words to say to her so instead he returned his arms around her body and pulled her closer, kissing her deeply. Those were words Bucky had waited to hear for so long and for a while he didn’t know if he would ever hear them from Y/N. Everything seemed right in the world for now, and even though he was worried about what was written in those journals John had given her due to what Steve had said, he hoped that whatever else it was would be forgiven also.
Truth was, Y/N always had forgiven Bucky for what was said the moment she left. She knew it was from his own fears. But what had broken her heart was hidden in the pages of those journals.
Chapter seven - The truth in the writing
Y/N wasn’t supposed to be back to work until noon, but she got called in early due to an apartment fire that would lead to multiple traumas coming in meaning it was all hands on deck. Bucky watched her pack the yellow folder John had given to her last night into her backpack before taking her to the hospital. He came back to Steve’s to find him and Peggy having some coffee. Bucky grabbed himself a mug of the dark liquid before leaning against the counter, “She took the journals with her.” He said over to Steve.
Peggy narrowed her eyes as they flickered between the two, “What journals?”
Steve sighed, sitting at the dining table next to Peggy, “Y/N’s friend, that blonde guy named John, brought some of her journals that were left behind at her base camp. Says there’s everything in there.” He informed.
“Yeah, including something we don’t know about.” Bucky grumbled out, “Something that made our break-up worse than just the words that were said.” He would be lying if he said he wasn’t worried. He replayed that night so many times in his head that every moment was burned into his brain and he couldn’t think of anything other than what was said before she left, “We gotta figure this out. So I can at least try to make it better after she reads whatever is in there.”
Peggy set her glass mug on the table, “Okay, then let’s walk through it.” She said helpfully, “Y/N came here that night after her shift and showed us the deployment papers with the date for her to leave set in a month, June 7th. She was so excited to tell you that she left immediately after. What happened at your house, James?”
Bucky sighs, setting his mug down on the counter to run a hand through his dark hair, “She came in all excited and jumped into my arms. Everything was fine and then she showed me the papers. We argued about it because I didn’t want her to go. I told her if she walked out those doors I wouldn’t be here waiting for her and not to come back. And then she left.” He flinched at his own words. He hated that he had said that to Y/N.
Steve leans back in his chair, “Then she came back here in tears and frantic. We tried to get her to talk to us about what happened but she just packed her bags, got in her car, and left.” He sighs, “I called her everyday for about four days until she finally picked up and told me she was fine, just needed some space, and she would be back soon. After that, I didn’t hear from her until she was deployed.”
Bucky cocks his head to the side at Steve, narrowing his eyes, “You never told me that.”
Steve scoffs slightly, “Yeah, well, you made my sister run away, we weren’t exactly on the best speaking terms, Buck.”
“So we have no idea where she was or what she was doing for a month before she was deployed?” Peggy interrupted, watching Bucky and Steve shake their heads to say no. She bit her bottom lip for a moment, “Maybe something happened in that month.”
Bucky looked over from Peggy to Steve, “What did she say while she was deployed?” He asks curiously, folding his arms as he leaned against the counter.
Steve looked from Peggy to Bucky, picking up his mug and bringing it to his lips for a drink before setting it back down, “Y/N called me when she got to the base, told me she made it safe and she was sorry she didn’t come back before she left, that she couldn’t come back. I asked her what happened between you two and she told me what was said. I told her you didn’t mean it and to at least give you a call.” He watched Bucky’s features soften for a moment, “There were a few more phone calls. She told me what you said hurt, but that she was okay and there was another reason she couldn’t come home or talk to you. We didn’t really talk about you two after that.”
Bucky groaned slightly. What had happened? The more he thought about it the more the timeline didn’t make sense. Everything had been fine between them the days, even weeks leading up to when she ran away were fine. He sighs looking back to Steve, “I don’t know, man.” He said, “Everything was great. We made cookies together, went on rides, had a Star Wars marathon. Everything was perfect… So perfect in fact I bought a damn engagement ring.”
Steve looked at Bucky with almost fully wide eyes before looking at Peggy who was sipping her coffee avoiding eye contact, “You knew about this, Peggy?”
Peggy put her coffee down, pursing her lips a little before speaking, “Of course I knew! Who do you think had to help him pick out the damn thing?”
Steve nodded and turned his attention back to Bucky, “Wow.” He said still nodding, “Well, now I really wish things would’ve gone differently. She would’ve been so excited.” He said with a small smile towards Bucky. Steve had always trusted Bucky with Y/N. The way he treated her was like a queen.
Bucky’s lips twitched into a small smile for a moment at Steve’s approval before it faded back into a stern line. He was going to ask Steve for help with the proposal when Bucky eventually figured out how to ask, but hadn’t gotten around to it before it all went to shit, “So nobody knows what the reason is…”
Steve nodded slowly, “Well… none of us know. But there is one person who does.”
Bucky groaned a little again and rubs his hand along his face, “God, I really hate John Walker.”
Y/N dealt with the wave of incoming traumas from the apartment building fire, running point on sorting patients by the degree of their injuries to create a steady flow in the operating room and emergency room. Once everything had died down, Y/N sat in the attending’s lounge eating a sandwich and starting to go through yellow folder from her backpack. There were photos of Y/N with Bucky and some of her with Steve and Peggy as well of her with John. There were also photos of her while she was deployed mostly doing silly poses in the middle of nowhere. She placed the photos back into the folder and pulled out the two notebooks next. They were leather-bound full sized journals. She opened the first one that looked just a bit more well used, figuring it was the first one. Her brow furrowed when she turned to the first page. It was dated at the top, May 15, 2019 but the rest of the page looked like the words had been gone over with permanent marker. Y/N turned to the next page and the next but for about ten pages over the next ten days from May 15th, all the words had been scribbled over with permanent marker, “Well, that’s just great.” She mutters out to herself softly, “Thanks me. Super helpful.”
Y/N finally found a page with actual words instead of just a page of black marker, the date read May 25th, 2019. It was filled with the words repeating ‘I am not my trauma.’ over and over again until the last line that read:
I’ll forget the piece that was taken away from me.
She frowned a little. What trauma did this refer to? What had happened? She turns the page quickly to read the next page.
May 26th, 2019
I leave in eleven days.
I want more than anything to call him. I don’t know what I would say. How do I explain what happened. Where do I begin?
He told me if I leave to never come back. That he won’t be waiting for me.
A part of me knows that’s a lie. I know he’d be there with open arms if he knew what happened.
I found that ring after all…
Y/N had to read the line over again a few times. Ring? There was a ring?
But how would he feel if he knew how ruined I was?
His sun swallowed into a dark pit.
He loves me. And I don’t think I’m me anymore.
Nobody wants broken things.
May 28th, 2019
I want to feel safe again.
They say writing down what I feel is going to ground me to reality. They also said I should call somebody. I can’t do that. I can’t let them know how much I hurt. I just want to run as far away as possible and that’s what I’ll do. I need to get out of here. It feels like I can’t breathe and everywhere I look I’m met with eyes filled with pity. It makes everything worse the way they look at me and stare. I get released tomorrow, I’m signing out AMA. Then it’s just nine more days. Maybe it’ll replace my trauma with a different trauma. Anything would be better than this.
I miss Bucky. I miss running my fingers through his hair and the way his stubble would brush against my skin. I miss being in his arms the most. They were so safe like nothing could ever hurt me. I wish I would’ve stayed then none of this would’ve happened. We could’ve just fought about it then go to bed and sort it out until I left. At least then I would’ve felt save and would’ve been safe.
I think the worst part about our fight was that I knew about the ring. I found it in his boxer drawer when putting away his laundry. You’d figure he would’ve picked a better hiding spot, but nope. He’s never been good at hiding things from me. I was halfway expecting him to propose when I showed him my deployment papers so we both had something to look forward to when I came back. I would’ve said yes in a heartbeat if he did. After all, James Buchanan Barnes is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. But that’s not what happened. And here I am stuck in pain and guilt.
Y/N shut the book when she heard someone come in, wiping away some tears she hadn’t noticed falling from her cheeks. She looks over and put on her best smile for Chief Miller, “Afternoon, Chief.”
Miller had his hands tucked in his pockets, “Everything okay, Y/N?” He asks gently, nothing the tear brimmed eyes.
Y/N nodded, keeping the same smile on her face, “Yeah, everything’s good. A friend brought me some journals to see if they’ll help me remember. It’s just confusing and a lot to read.” She said softly, “Were you looking for me?”
Miller nodded at her words, “I’m sorry, that must be hard.” He said with a reassuring smile, “I was just getting all your medical records transferred over and one was locked from a hospital in Queens. I just wanted to ask if you wanted to unlock it so we have that information on file in case it’s needed in the future.”
Y/N tilted her head at him, her brow pulling together in confusion, “I don’t remember what the nature of that visit would be… Did it have a date? I can call the doctor from the hospital to get it unlocked if I know the date.”
“May 14th, 2019.” Miller replied, “The doctors name I think was Wanda Maximoff.”
Y/N nodded slowly at the date. It was the day before her journal started with the scribbled out pages. She pushed the journal into her backpack, “Thanks, Chief. I’ll give them a call.” She said with a small smile before standing and leaving the room. She found an empty office with a computer, googling the hospital in Queens and asking for Dr. Maximoff.
“This is Dr. Maximoff.” A woman with an accent said over the phone when Y/N was connected.
“Hi, this is Dr. Rogers from Brooklyn Mercy. I was calling about a locked file in my health records.”
“Oh, Y/N! How have you been? Are you back from deployment?”
“Been better… And yes, I am. I was calling because a medical report of mine from May 14, 2019 is sealed and I don’t remember the nature of the visit. I lost a lot of my memories due to an incident overseas and I’m trying to put pieces together.”
“I see.. I’m so sorry to hear that. Our hospital isn’t too far from Brooklyn Mercy, I think we should talk about this in person given the situation. I’ll drive down and meet you in about forty-five minutes, would that work?”
“That’d be perfect, thank you Dr. Maximoff.” Y/N said before enhancing goodbyes and hanging up. It felt like her heart was going to beat out of her chest with how fast it was racing and she felt sick to her stomach as she tried to remember what happened. Whatever happened, it was bad enough that Dr. Maximoff was coming to tell her in person.
Y/N asked Chief Miller if he would be there when she went over the information with Maximoff, wanting some sort of support in case whatever happened was really bad. She kept adjusting herself in the chair in front of Chief Miller, nervous for whatever information was about to come out. She put on a small smile when Dr. Maximoff came into the office holding a medical file, shaking her hand and watching her take a seat in the chair next to her, “Nice to meet you again, Dr. Maximoff.”
“Oh call me Wanda. And again, I’m very sorry about your memory loss. I want to start by saying that we have support groups I can recommend after we talk about this information. Given that you don’t remember, it is possible you’ll go through all the emotions and grief again.” Wanda said before placing the file on Chief Miller’s desk and opening it slowly, “The night of May 14th, 2019 paramedics responded to an accident involving two vehicles. You were in one of them. It was determined the other driver was driving under the influence and had a large amount of alcohol in his system.”
Y/N nodded slowly, watching Wanda instead of looking at the file. Her eyes were full of kindness, even maybe a little pity, “What happened to the drunk driver?”
“He died in surgery. With the amount of alcohol in his system, the bleeding couldn’t be controlled and the damage was too severe.” Wanda said before continuing, “It was later determined that he was going forty miles per hour over the speed limit and from your statement, he was driving down the wrong side of the road with his headlights off. You didn’t see him coming until it was too late.”
“How bad was it?” Y/N asks softly, picking at her fingers nervously as she listened.
Wanda sighs, flipping through pages of the file on Chief Miller’s desk, “You sustained abdominal bleeding, two fractured ribs, and superficial lacerations that our head of plastic surgery took care of which is why there is no scarring. You made me promise not to call your emergency contacts.” Wanda paused, observing Y/N’s reaction but she was just sitting there nodding, “We took blood samples to cross match your blood so we couldn’t have to keep giving you O-negative blood. Those blood tests showed trace amounts of the hCG hormone. After we took care of the abdominal bleeding, you miscarried from stress. You didn’t know you were pregnant. You asked me to seal the records of the accident and you signed yourself out against medical advice.”
Y/N took a deep ragged breath, looking down at the floor in shock. The writings in the journal were making sense. She could hear Chief Miller and Wanda asking if she was okay but they sounded distant and like they were underwater. Flashes started coming back in her mind of that night. She was driving down the road back to her hotel she was staying at, crying and listening to sad songs on the radio when the crash happened. Y/N put her hand on her chest as her breathing became more erratic, it was like she couldn’t get enough air. She could see Wanda and Miller trying to ask if she was okay and calm her down but their voices were so different and everything around her was swaying. She remembered sitting in a hospital bed and crying over the news and the guilt she felt for leaving the safety of Bucky, “Can’t breathe…” She whispers out, trying to stand slowly from the chair. Y/N remembered the day after it happened, Wanda brought the journals to her hoping it would help to write what she was feeling since she wouldn’t contact anybody. She remembered the grief she felt as well as the shock and pain. This was the reason she didn’t come back to Bucky and avoided him, she didn’t know what to tell him. The world was swaying like she was on a boat and it felt like she was underwater, unable to get air in her lungs or hear the muffled sounds coming from Chief Miller and Wanda. She stumbled around at the room spinning, blinking rapidly before the world around her started fading to black and she fell onto the floor.
——
Steve, Peggy, and Bucky were still all trying to figure out events that lead up to Y/N running away a month before her deployment, trying to think of any clues that would help put the puzzle pieces together.
Steve’s phone starting ringing and he excused himself from the conversation to take the call, “Hello?”
“Hi, this is Doctor Miller, Chief of Surgery over at Brooklyn Mercy. Is this Steve Rogers, Y/N’s brother?”
“This is Steve. Is everything alright?” “Yes, everything is alright. I’m just giving you a call to ask you to come in. Your sister had a pretty serious panic attack and lost consciousness. I think it would be good if you came in.”
“What? Yeah, I’m on my way.” Steve said, walking back into the kitchen, “We have to go, Y/N’s been admitted to the hospital for a panic attack.”
Bucky frowns, “Probably read those damn journals.” He growled out, turning immediately and walking out the front door to his motorcycle and speeding down the road towards the hospital with Peggy and Steve right behind him in their car.
When they arrived at the hospital, Chief Miller was waiting for them at the front doors. He lead them up to the room Y/N was in where she was talking to Wanda with the door closed and crying, pulling an oxygen mask up to her mouth every so often. Bucky looked through the window to the room before noticing that none other than John Walker was standing a little bit away from the room leaning against the wall with a frown. Bucky immediately felt rage consume him, stomping over to John and pushing him against the wall, “What were in those journals?!” He yelled before landing a punch to John’s cheek.
John winced at the hit and pushed Bucky away from him, “She knew about the ring, asshole! She thought you were going to propose that night but instead you broke up with her!”
Chief Miller and Steve quickly pulled the two apart, Miller holding John back while Steve held Bucky back, “That’s not what it was about! Now knock if off before I call security.” Chief Miller said, moving to stand between the men, “Due to her privacy, I can’t tell you what it was but it wasn’t about a ring.”
“She knew about the ring?” Bucky said, wide eyed as he processed the words. No wonder she had been so mad at him and what he had said. She thought she was coming home to a potential proposal and instead he told her if she left to never come back.
Peggy had separated herself from all the testosterone and walked into the room Y/N was in, shutting the door behind her, “I’m Peggy, her sister-in-law.” She told Wanda before she took a seat on the edge of Y/N’s bed, gently taking her head, “Are you okay, honey?”
Y/N shook her head rapidly, keeping the oxygen mask pressed to her mouth and nose as she cried into it. She remembered the pain when Wanda had told her she miscarried and feeling alone due to the fight she had with Bucky. It was the reason she had ran- she didn’t feel like she had a home to go back to and she wouldn’t know what Bucky would think if she told him she had lost their child. All Bucky had wanted was to grow up and have a family with her and she ruined that. Her gaze set on Bucky through the window and she pulled the blanket on her legs up over her head, sobbing loudly underneath the blanket. How could she even look at him knowing what she knew now?
Wanda got up to close the blinds in the window before returning the chair placed next to the bed, “Y/N,” Wanda asks gently, reaching out a hand to rest reassuringly on Y/N’s leg over the blanket, “You’ve dealt with this pain alone for a long time and you’re going through it again like it’s fresh. You should talk to someone about it, you need support.”
Y/N pulled the blanket off her head at the sound of the blinds shutting, looking at Wanda through her blurry tear filled eyes, “I can’t…You… You tell Peggy… I can’t… I can’t.” She sobbed out, dropping the oxygen mask to her lap and putting her face in her hands.
Wanda looks over to Peggy who was eyeing her curiously, “The night of May 14th, 2019 Y/N was brought in after her car was hit by a drunk driver. We took care of all the injuries… But we found out she was about six weeks pregnant. Due to the stress of her injuries and the stress she was already under, she miscarried.”
Peggy’s jaw dropped at the news, slowly looking over to Y/N. She quickly adjusted herself on the bed to scoot closer to Y/N, pulling her into a secure hug and stroking her hair softly, “Shh… It’s okay… I’m so sorry, honey…I’m here…” She soothed gently. It all made sense of why Y/N didn’t come back before she was deployed and why she never talked to Bucky.
Eventually Wanda offered a light sedation for Y/N since she couldn’t stop crying and keep her breathing under control. Y/N drifted off to sleep from the sedative, her mind finally calming but the ache in her body didn’t fade. When she opened her eyes, it was nighttime. She looked over to the window to see Peggy and Steve talking to Wanda and Chief Miller outside of the room. Her attention was take when she felt a soft squeeze of her hand, looking over and seeing Bucky sitting in the chair staring at her with a small smile. The sight of him almost made her break again, pulling her hand out of his grasp and pulling the blanket up over her head to hide from his face.
“Hey, Y/N,” Bucky said with a small frown when she hid away from him under the blanket, “Baby, come on look at me. Talk to me.” He pleaded, trying to pull the blanket away from her face, “What happened, doll?”
Y.N eventually quit fighting the tug of war with the blanket, letting him pull it away from her face. She didn’t meet his gaze though, staring into her lap as tears started to roll down her face. She was amazed she still had any water left in her body to cry, “I can’t… You should go…”
“Fuck that, darlin. I’m not going anywhere when you’re crying.” Bucky told her, moving himself from the chair to sit by her bedside. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, leaning close and kissing her temple softly, “Talk to me, please.”
“I can’t.” Y/N replied, still not meeting his gaze as she shook her head, “I was finally feeling like everything was right in the world… Like I was back where I belonged with you… Safe.” She took in a sharp breath, releasing it slowly, “Now, it’s just all going to be ruined again. We’ll be ruined. You’ll leave.”
Bucky’s frown deepened at her words as scenarios ran through his mind of what Y/N could be talking about, studying her features intently, “No we won’t. I told you that you are the love of my life, Y/N. Nothing is going to change that.” He told her, moving his position to take her face in his hand and forcing her to look at him, “Now talk to me.”
Y/N stared at Bucky for what felt like forever, studying his face. She wondered what would reflect back to her in his eyes when she told him. Right now his eyes were pooled with concern for her but once she would tell him, they knew that concern would leave, “The night we fought… May seventh right?” She watched him nod, “On May fourteenth I was driving and I was hit by a drunk driver. I was taken to a hospital in Queens where I was treated.” She watched the concern grow in his eyes at her words, “I didn’t know I was six weeks pregnant and I lost the baby… Our baby… I would’ve came back if I knew, never left… But after I couldn’t come back to you.”
Bucky’s mouth parted slightly at the words, his eyes moving across the features of her face watching the tears leak down her face. He hadn’t even noticed his own tears starting to fall at the news. Guilt raked through his body at the words he had said that made her leave, put her in that position to get hurt. It would have never happened if he would’ve swallowed his own fear and anger at her deployment. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a tight hug, “I’m so sorry, doll.” He said through his own shaky breathes, trying to control his breathing as he cried, “I’m sorry, Y/N. I did this, it’s my fault… I’m so sorry.”
_____________________________________________________________Taglist: @vicmc624 @buckypops @shawnie--jo @ahahafudge @intothesoul @austynparksandpizza @stcrryslibrary
Shout out to @shawnie--jo for having a big brain and guessing correct (:
If I missed anybody on the taglist or you would like to be added, send me a quick message, comment, or ask. Thank you for the support (:
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denimbex1986 · 3 years
Text
Highlights From The #FalconAndTheWinterSoldier Press Conference
“This is the second one coming out on disney plus, it was the first one that got started. It ended up working out very well, it was meant to prove to everyone that just because a show is on TV it will not be as big as it can be on TV. The first episode really starts off w/ a bang.”
"It was an opportunity to really go deep, we really learn how these characters are." - Kevin Feige
“I approached it like a film, this is a 6 hour film. We did a lot of looking at shows that was in our paradigm. We have a buddy cop relationship really going. I look to other shows that have influences me. I looked at Midnight Cowboy but it will be uniquely signature to Marvel.”
“The buddy cop- genre for the show what we love about them. The show will showcase the range, it can be gritty and funny, in-between. It allows Bucky and Sam to do their thing but it also allows us to touch upon much larger issues.”
"Sam Wilson has always evolved in the Marvel of the comic books and now he will evolve in the cinematic universe. Everyone will see the new and improved Sam Wilson." - Anthony Mackie
10 years with Bucky Barnes has allowed me to grow and evolve with the character and with myself. We hone in on his sense of humor and getting therapy. We will marry the two: mental health and humor. He's now on a quest of identity, reeducating himself about the world he is now in.” - Sebastian Stan
"The great thing about the show is you can't find 2 people further opposite than Bucky and Sam but there is a mutual respect & understanding. We learn and teach each other a great deal. We are friends and that's not a term we use lightly. We allow ourselves to be our best selves."
"It's about the tone, we are trying to make sure this comes across as real & we tackle very real issues. I turn to Anthony for guidance for that" - Sebastian Stan
"The idea of Sam Wilson and the evolution of the Falcon diving into his family, his issues and the complications he faces, we have to introduce these characters to the audience. It's always great to learn more and give more about your character." - Anthony Mackie
"As everyone knows PTSD is not something that goes away. It's something we have to learn with and grow better with and deal with. PTSD will ground these characters and cause them to come together." - Sebastian Stan
"We really did approach the show like we did the movies, if we have a season 2 with #WandaVision they will go back and forth between Disney+ and theatrical." Different characters can show up in any format." - Kevin Feige
“It the pain & the idea of not being able to go on these mission & to not be able to be with his friends, you don't want to see Steve Rogers/Captain America go away. That's why he says the shield feels like someone's else because he was a fan like everyone else. Sam is just a guy.”
“I've been calling the movies the snack & this is the meal. We are able to dive into each character with the TV show. The movies are immersed in a world saving event but on a series you're able 2 get inside the lives of our characters. I love the space of being able to world build.”
“Sam and Bucky's love-hate bromance has not changed, it's gone into a further divide. Steve is missing and they deal with the consequences of that, but they are in a similar place in terms of the questions they're asking." - Sebastian Stan
"I don't look at what people want vs want people need" However there are moments that turn into a new thing...like people expecting a certain engineer in WandaVision" - Kevin Feige
What cameos can we expect? "No more surprises." - Kevin Feige "You can expect many surprises." - Anthony Mackie
“The great thing about what we were able to do with nothing was water-down in the stunts because of that the stunts are amazing. There's more physical and hand-to-hand combat,. We utilize our natural strengths. We did a lot of stunt training and some of the stuff you see is us.”
"We are working on 10+ series and this is what excited us about Disney+" - Kevin Feige
"We started with this story & we had to react to what's happening in the world but we were able to proceed as normal. As the world was changing, we were able to sharpen our focus on the show. It didn't change anything, it helped us focus. I'm so thrilled #WandaVision did so well. “
“Tony Stark dealt with his PTSD. This [show] will ground us in the emotions of our characters. There has been A LOT of trauma for our characters over the years. We think about what if we were these character, mentally there would be horrific elements/consequences.”
Sebastian Stan wants to work with "Knight Moon (lol). I heard that story and it's going to be amazing.” Anthony Mackie wants to "spend some time in Blade world. They were shooting Spider-Man in Harlem on 125th street and I was a HUGE Tobey Maguire fan."
"The characters of Bucky and Sam are essential to the MCU and whatever they go through WILL have an impact on the MCU. It is hard to navigate every fan theory that will pop up but there can be character shifts that have massive implications on the MCU down the line" - Kevin Feige
"We always take our lead from the comics about SHIELD, HYDRA, SWORD. There's always an inherit need for shadowy organizations in the MCU" - Kevin Feige
"The past is prologue, the clues are everywhere in what has lead to this moment, sometimes it's just a name but we do pull from the lineage from the comics and tweek it. Stay tuned over the course of the series." - Kevin Feige
"Endgame was a monumental shift of the universe. The scoop of the film is larger than what anyone could have imaged. Our goal was to not have messed it up. We didn't want to be the first crappy Marvel show. Steve Rogers will be proud our show does not suck." - Anthony Mackie
"Loki better not suck" - Anthony Mackie
"Thank you to everyone for making this the show that doesn't suck" - Kevin Fiege
Information/updates courtesy of Dana @sagesurge on Twitter. 
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trying to articulate my frustrations with Marvel’s treatment of female characters and characters of color
Hi, hello, hola, bonjour. I've been having a lot of thoughts about Marvel’s lack of diversity and of how they treat minority characters, so I'm taking a page out of Luisa’s (@its-tortle) book and just making a long, rambley post to get it all out.
Please bear with me while I try to encapsulate all of my frustration within the limitations of English language.
(ALSO, I'm white. I’m Spanish-American, but I do not have the ability to speak for fans of color and the other grievances they have. This post is just a combination of my own thoughts and what I've heard other people say on Tumblr, in YouTube videos, in articles etc.)
Now that we've had over week to collect ourselves after the WandaVision finale, because it was such a tearjerker and the end of a true masterpiece of a show, we really need to talk about how Marvel treats their their characters of color and female characters. I'll specifically be looking at Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanoff, and Monica Rambeau.
Let's start with Sam.
Until Monica Rambeau became Photon just a few weeks ago in WandaVision, Sam was THE ONLY Black superhero in the MCU.
He first appeared in Captain America: The Winter Soldier 7 years ago in 2014, and he's been in 4 movies since then (not counting the post-credits of Ant-Man).
Let's see what we know about Sam in the MCU:
He was a pararescue airman in the U.S. Airforce
His wing-man, Riley, died in combat, prompting him to leave active duty
He works at the VA to help other veterans adjust to civilian life
That's it. This is all we know about his backstory, separate from Captain America. However, the MCU decided to include these parts of his backstory, (and exclude others) because they make him a better supporting character to Steve.
Sam's a vet - so is Steve. They have the same, early-morning run routine that alludes to strict military training. Steve is still new to the future and hardly knows or approaches anyone, but Sam is wearing his VA sweatshirt, so there's some sense of connection, one that is furthered when they talk about their beds being too soft. Sam is someone who can understand him, aside from being a super soldier.
Riley, Sam's wingman, died in combat - Hmm, haven't heard that one befo - oh, wait. *Bucky waves from the abyss of the Alps*. Yeah.
I'm not saying that these connections are bad, in fact, I think the opposite. In terms of storyline, these connections are incredibly important for their friendship. Steve is lost and alone in the future. No one he knows cares about him for any reason other than the fact that he's a super soldier, nor can he relate to any of those people on any level. Sam just fits. He's funny and kind and although they are 60 years apart in age, he can, to some extent, understand what Steve is going through in a way they no one else can.
But for the last 7 years in the MCU, all he's been is Steve's supportive friend.
Almost immediately after meeting Steve, Sam is dragged into an end-of-the-world battle. He readily agrees to put his life on the line to fight by Captain America's side. After SHIELD falls, Sam gives up his life for 2 years to help Steve find Bucky. When they find him, Sam, without a second thought, becomes an international fugitive to protect Bucky and Steve.
I mean, he practically says that he lives in Steve's shadow himself: 
"Don't look at me. I do what he does, just slower."
Who does all this? Seriously? Sam is also a recovering vet. He, in theory, has a life, a family, a job, his own mental well-being to consider, but he immediately gives it all up to help Captain America, to follow in his shadow, to be his back-up and support in every battle. Marvel wrote him as a 2D character that lacks his own identity and agency.
Sam deserves his own storyline; he deserves to exist outside the orbit of Steve Rogers.
What Mackie has been able to do with the character is astounding. He took Sam off the page and truly brought him to life, turning him into a beloved character. I'm ecstatic that both Mackie and Sam finally (hopefully) get their time to shine in TFATWS, but it should have happened WAY sooner. Marvel has continuously overlooked Mackie, despite how much he brings to the movies and despite the significance of Sam as the only Black superhero. It's just so clear that they do not care about representation.
(And let's not start with the whole "Bucky should be Captain America" thing, thanks)
Next, let's talk about Natasha.
Nat has been in the MCU for 11 years, starting with Iron Man 2 in 2010. She was heavily featured in an additional 6 MCU movies (not including small cameos/post-credit sequences). She's one of the few female superheroes in the MCU, and the only one that's been there since the beginning. Nat was the only female superhero for 4 years until Gamora appeared in Guardians of the Galaxy.
Let's see what we know about Natasha's history:
She's a former KGB operative and assassin, trained in the Red Room project
When she was a part of the Red Room, she was sterilized
Clint Barton got her out of the Red Room and converted her to a SHIELD agent
THAT'S IT. The second point is actually nauseating because this is what she says to Banner when we learn about her infertility in Age of Ultron:
"They sterilize you. It’s efficient. One less thing to worry about, the one thing that might matter more than a mission. It makes everything easier — even killing. You still think you’re the only monster on the team?"
Like, actually, what the fuck? I remember watching this scene and having to rewind because I thought I mis-heard what she said. In truth, Natasha is probably referring to the terrible things she was forced to do as a KGB operative are what make her a "monster," but why in the world would they include this anecdote here?? It's just so distasteful and disgusting! It makes it seem like her infertility is what makes her a monster, perpetuating the misogynistic belief that the center of a woman's identity and purpose is to have children.
As Vox says in this article, the subject of Nat's infertility 
"rears its head sub-textually when Black Widow sacrifices herself for the Soul Stone. [...] It’s reasonable for Natasha to make the calculation that Clint’s kids deserve to have a dad when they come back to life after the Avengers complete their “time heist.” But because of that Ultron plot, there’s also an insidious implication that Natasha’s infertility renders Black Widow just a little bit more disposable than the rest of her teammates."
Furthermore, Nat's death in Endgame serves for nothing more than motivation for the other characters working in the time heist, WHICH ARE ALL MALE. Even then, the other characters talk about her death briefly (in a mostly unaffected manner), and by the end of the movie, she's been pretty much forgotten about,  completely overshadowed by Tony Stark.
I don't want to say that Nat shouldn't have died in Endgame. It caused me so much heartache and emotional pain, but I truly believe it was a great way to end her arc. CinemaWins on YouTube put it best:
"She needed to save her family, Clint included, finally wiping the red from her ledger. So much of her jouney in the MCU was trying to find her purpose, figure out which side she was on, and she finally feels like she's found it, just in time to die for it. 
"It's not wrong to feel cheated by her death, [but I think] she deserved this moment because of it's importance."
She says it in the movie: 
"I used to have nothing, and then I got this. This family. And I was better because of it."
Nat shouldn't have to die, but it's on her terms, and she is absolutely ready for it. Saving her chosen family... that is her purpose.
But altogether, over the course of the MCU, Natasha was cheated out of getting the storyline she deserved. Like Sam, she was relegated to the position of the supportive friend of Steve, but also of Bruce and Clint. For the audience, her identity is tied to this role that she plays. The identity and motivations she has independent from these other characters, her history, is skimmed over, and treated with immense disrespect.
It took 11 years, but it is thrilling that Scarlett Johansson finally gets to be the start of her own Marvel movie. There is no way that Black Widow will be able to completely make up for her and Natasha's mistreatment by the MCU, but I hope it will at least bring us some closure and allow us to have a better understanding of Nat's history and who she is away from the other Avengers.
Last, but certainly not least (despite what WandaVision may have you believe) is Monica Rambeau.
I spoke about this last week after posting about this review of the show, but it bears repeating.
Monica is a new character. You'd hope that, after 11 years of extremely limited diversity in the MCU, much to the dismay of fans worldwide, and after recognizing this and creating a movie with a cast like The Eternals, Marvel would try to get their shit together across the board.
Nope!
Monica was seriously the token diversity character of the show. It seemed like they would give her more depth after the episode during which they flashed back to the her during and after the snap, losing her mother, and seeing a little bit of what she's done as an adult since Captain Marvel, but that ended up being the most we got.
But why? Monica literally became a SUPERHERO. She became Photon! She deserved a much greater role in the show, especially in the finale, where she instead had maybe 5 lines and just stopped some bullets for about 30 seconds.
As the review I linked says, 
“There are so many black writers, fans, and critics noting how Monica got relegated to a complete lack relegated to meaningless best friend protector lacking in their own self agency and story except for making a shoehorned comparison of grief.”
Marvel made the same, bull-headed mistake that they made with Sam with Monica!
Let's do this again. Monica was snapped away for 5 years, and when she was snapped back, she learned that her mother had died. Losing someone you love and having the whole process of mourning and pain be complicated by the snap? What an interesti- oh wait. *Vision phases his head through the wall with a smile*
The only reason we got this backstory was because it made her a more sympathetic character towards Wanda. Her understanding of what Wanda is going through allows her to be the catalyst in the creation of the ideological fork in the road between herself, Darcy and Woo, who see Wanda as a victim of grief and loss, and Hayward and the rest of SHIELD, who see her as a dangerous threat.
How do you make the same, major mistake that you've been making for the past 7 years again? Guess what? You don't! Maybe it's not intentional, but Marvel, again, clearly doesn’t care enough about their characters of color to consider the roles they relegate them to in the MCU, realize what they've been doing is harmful, and then change it.
Hopefully, they will not continue to treat Monica this way and will remedy this in the next Captain Marvel.
In conclusion: MARVEL GAVE A FUCKING ROBOT AN ACTUAL ORIGIN STORY, A RELATIONSHIP AND MORE INDEPENDENCE THAN ALL OF THESE CHARACTERS.
But in all seriousness, Marvel needs to be help accountable for how they treat women and their characters of color in the MCU. I just looked at 3, but you could also make a similar argument about Rhodey, Hope van Dyne and Valkyrie, as well as Jane Foster, MJ, and Ned, although they are supporting characters and not superheroes. And I'm sure there are many others. Marvel (and Disney!!) has had an awful track-record, and change is long overdue.
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captainscanadian · 4 years
Text
Hope | Bucky Barnes x Reader (Part 4)
My Masterlist
Series Masterlist
Summary: Your high school reunion forces you to relive the trauma of your senior year. 
Word Count: 4100+
Pairing: (Eventual) Doctor!Bucky Barnes x Patient!Reader
Warnings: HELLA ANGST, Heartbreak, Bullying, Insecurity, Anxiety, Alcohol
A/N: This fic was my entry for @wkemeup​‘s 4K Writing Challenge. I DON’T DO TAGLISTS!
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Perhaps having a Hollywood stylist on speed dial did have its perks, for the woman who had styled you for your multiple red carpet premieres was more than happy to assist you in deciding what to wear for your high school reunion. 
Natasha Romanoff had advised you that a pair of blue jeans and a comfortable sweater could really go a long way, and you took her word for it. “Did you bring your boots with you?” She asked you as you were on Facetime. 
Rosie had informed you that the dress code was casual, so you need not to worry about having to borrow Nick’s truck in order to drive all the way to Indianapolis and hunt down a designer dress. 
But that did not mean you were keeping it simple with your outfit for the night; you wanted to make an impression, and maybe even rub it in a few of the faces that you were going to be coming across. This was your moment now. 
“You mean my black thigh-highs?” You asked her as your lips curled into a smirk, and you reached down to grab them and held them up for the camera. “Did you really think I’d leave them behind in LA when you said that I fucking sass walk when I’m wearing these?”
“That’s my girl!” She exclaimed, looking proud as ever. “Add a leather jacket over that and you’re good to go. Keep the hair and make up simple. You’re going to be getting shit-faced anyways. No need to look too pretty.” 
You gave her a nod as you chuckled softly. “You cool with me adding a Gucci belt with that? I’d like to show these fuckers that I can actually afford one.”
“Fuck, yes!” She gave you a thumbs up. “You’re going to sass walk in there, look like a million bucks and you’re going to fucking own it, you hear me?” 
“Yes, ma’am.” You were certainly glad that you had a stylist who was also the best hype woman you could have ever asked for. “I’m going to fucking own it.” 
“So, now that it’s your ten year reunion… are you and Mr. Hollywood Reporter finally going to get it on?” Natasha asked as she wiggled her eyebrows. “I know I’m totally assuming that he’s going to be there, but you did go to high school together. Maybe revisiting some old memories can light some kind of spark between the two of you? He seems like a good catch, Y/N.” 
“What?” You shook your head. “No… I mean, yes. He’s going to be there. But no, we’re not ‘getting it on’ or however else you say it.” 
“Why not?!”
“Because…” You let out a sigh. “Pietro is my friend.” 
Falling in love with one of your best friends had been hard enough. You could not afford to lose another friendship the same way. 
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Out of all places that your ten year reunion could have taken place, it had to be at The Country Club of Indianapolis; you did not know if you should praise Rosie Bender for securing such a venue for the event, or curse her for somehow convincing you to come here. Not that you had ever been to that country club when you had been a resident of Indiana, but it was safe to say that the place did bring back some horrible memories. 
The words ‘Connie Chapman would be there’ made so much more sense to you now, as you were well aware that the country club was owned by her father. Boy, you could never come to terms with how much you loathed Connie as a kid. Her mere existence drove you up the wall. 
Ever since you were in elementary school, it seemed as though the two of were forced to compete with each other. From the good grades to the friendships you made; she had everything you wanted. She had a father who had raised her like a fucking princess, while yours had walked out when you were just a toddler. Her birthday parties would always take place at her family’s mansion in Shelbyville, and sometimes at the country club too. You were never invited to any one of them though, not that you ever wanted to. 
She was the teacher’s pet, which was most likely a result of her father’s rather heavy donation to the school. No matter how hard you studied, grinding through every assignment by pouring your blood, sweat and tears into them, she just happened to get a better grade than you did. It was frustrating to know that no matter how hard you tried, she just happened to be five steps ahead of you. She was oozing with privilege, and that made you feel quite bitter. 
During high school, she was the captain of the cheer leading team. While she was not the nicest person you’d known back then, it did not matter at all when she looked like some Victoria’s Secret model - when Victoria’s Secret was still relevant. It seemed as though she had somehow skipped the awkward stages of puberty and became attractive without ever paying the price for it; or maybe she did pay a price. You could never tell for sure. Every boy in school would fall at her feet, which was something that certainly boosted that ego of hers. She was the most popular girl in school, and you were a complete nobody. It fucking sucked. 
Despite the fact that Connie Chapman had everything you would have wanted in life when you were a teenager, you knew that you had something that she could never have, something that you believed that no one could ever pry out of your hands. Oh how stupid had you been. She had taken him right from your cold dead hands. 
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As much as you hated to admit it, this was not how you had expected your senior year of high school to be. It seemed as though everything was going to shit this year, and you wanted nothing more than to get out of this shit show that was high school. 
The year had gotten off to a not-so-great start with your best friend ditching you to hang out with his new friends from the basketball team. While you had found yourself strolling through the hallways of Shelbyville Senior High School all alone during the lunch hours, your vice principal had forced you to befriend the two new students, Pietro and Wanda Maximoff. 
Sure, they were both wonderful to hang out with. But deep down, you just missed Bucky Barnes more than ever. He was your best friend, had been for as long as you could remember. You had no idea why he had stopped hanging out with you since the end of junior year, and you hadn’t even bothered to ask. Things just seemed to be out of your control nowadays, you guessed. 
“Y/N!” Wanda had called out to you as she was rushing towards your locker, a panicked expression evident in her eyes as she grabbed your arm rather roughly. “Y/N, you’re not going to believe what just happened.” 
You set the algebra textbook that you had been holding in your locker before turning towards her, grabbing your backpack and throwing it over your shoulder. “Wanda, is everything okay?”
“Bucky knows.” She told you, looking at you with wide eyes as she breathed heavily. “He came over to my lab desk during biology and… he told me that he knows.” 
Her words had hit you like a freight train, as you found yourself closing your locker in a hurry when you began to feel your heart beating against your chest. “W-What?” You shook your head. “No, no, no… No, Wanda… no! How could that be? How would he know?”
“He said that he… he knows that you like him, Y/N. He sees the look in your eyes when you speak to him.” She replied with a shrug of her shoulders. “Maybe you haven’t been all that subtle with him as you thought you were?” 
“Oh shit…” 
You did not know what to do, for you had not expected for things to get out of control like they had now. You had not intended for Bucky to find out about how you felt about him, not when he had drifted away from you just months ago. 
A part of you could not help but wonder if the reason why he had stopped hanging out with you was because of this revelation. Was he distancing himself because of how you felt about him? Was it because he did not feel the same way? Why had he told Wanda that he knew about it instead of coming straight to you? 
So many questions had flooded your mind at that moment, and you could not think straight. It felt as though the whole world was closing in on you, and all you wanted at that moment was to be held in someone’s arms and be told that you were loved. It was a simple wish. To feel loved and to feel like you belonged somewhere was a basic need for a human being. It was not meant to be a luxury, though that was exactly what it seemed to be nowadays. 
Your mind was telling you to run, but your feet were planted firmly against the tiled floor of the corridor. While you wondered how you were going to face him, you had felt it in your heart to trust him. He was your best friend; he wasn’t going to hurt you. 
All it took was that simple trust. That was all it took to break you. 
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As you got out of the Porsche that you had rented for the remainder of your stay, you noticed a few familiar faces staring out at you in utter surprise. For starters, the car was bound to stir up some attention. But it was your outfit that was to die for. 
Just as Natasha Romanoff had suggested, a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt really did go a long way… along with a few other designer accessories that were worn for the sole purpose of making jaws drop. It was mission accomplished. 
Not that you minded being the centre of attention this time, but the thought that the people who had once spoken about you behind your back were now gawking at you with utter jealousy sure boosted that ego of yours. You had certainly earned that luxury. Perhaps coming to this reunion was not a bad thing after all. 
“Well, well, well…” Pietro Maximoff was quick to rise from his seat as you approached the table, greeting you with a kiss on your cheek. “Don’t you look like you fucking own this place.” 
“As ironic as that seems.” Wanda snorted, considering who actually did own the place. “Who would have known that Y/N Y/L/N still had it in her to cause a scene?” 
You rolled your eyes at her words, returning a kiss on her brother’s cheek. “It may have been ten years, but some things never change.” You noted, motioning towards the formerly popular crowd who were now staring at you like they had never seen a successful New York Times best-selling author in their midst. “They always fucking stare.” 
“Y/N, you made it!” The familiar voice of Rosie Bender caused you to turn around to greet her. “I’m so glad you came.” 
“I gave you my word, didn’t I?” You smiled at her before you noticed the woman who stood behind her. 
Connie Chapman. 
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“I love you, Bucky.” Those three words had come out of your mouth so naturally, that you did not even beat yourself up for having just confessed your love to him. “I’ve loved you for as I’ve known you.” 
A part of you had expected him to say it back in an instant, but you knew better than that. His actions during the last few months had been very clear. But the look on his face was not one of surprise, nor did he show any sign of reciprocation. He had just stood there in silence, biting down on his bottom lip for a moment too long before he nodded. “I knew that.” 
“I knew that… you knew that.” You breathed. “Wanda told me that you told her… that you knew…” Your eyes glazed over with every second, for a part of you had worried that he was indeed going to reject you. You knew that you were in for a heartbreak, but you could not handle it either way. 
“The thing is… Y/N... I like someone else, doll.” 
And... there it was. 
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“Connie Chapman.” You laughed softly as you looked over at her. “I can’t believe it.” God, the years had been so unkind to her. 
“It’s lovely to see you, Y/N.” 
“You too.” You lied straight through your teeth, causing Wanda to snort her drink and choke back her laughter. 
Pietro and Rosie looked rather amused by this whole interaction, but you had just shrugged it off when your eyes landed on the man who had just walked in. Dressed in a pair of black jeans and a black shirt, and a bright yellow leather jacket that seemed to match your black one, you could not deny that he knew how to make an entrance. 
The moment he entered the room, Bucky Barnes’ eyes landed right on you. Of course, you were the centre of attention; you should have always been the centre of attention. The way you were dressed in your jeans and your top, not to mention those boots; he could not deny how stunning you looked that night. 
Not that he had the courage to tell you that you looked absolutely beautiful, but he knew that he was probably the last person you wanted to hear those words from… for obvious reasons. He had screwed things up when he had the chance, so what even was the point anymore. 
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“Hey Y/N, did you hear?! Bucky asked Connie to prom!” Brock Rumlow hollered at you in the hallway as you walked past him, causing you to break into tears at the remainder as his minions continued to laugh in your face. 
It had been two whole days since you had found out that Connie was the one who Bucky had feelings for. As much as it hurt to find out that you had lost the one thing that you had cherished the most in your life to her of all people, it hurt a lot more that you hadn’t found out from Bucky himself that she was the girl he liked. 
Instead, the news of Bucky’s elaborate promposal had spread around the school like wildfire, and Pietro had rushed to inform you after witnessing the gesture that had become the talk of the school. While Connie hadn’t even said yes to him, the fact that he had even asked her to prom was reason enough for people to start picking on you. And in a matter of days, you had become the joke of the school. 
But what broke your heart the most was not that Bucky had not reciprocated your feelings for him, nor that he did not have the decency to tell you that Connie Chapman was the girl of his dreams. It was the fact that Bucky had been your best friend since you were in elementary school, and he knew damn well how you felt about Connie. The rivalry that you both shared had not been a secret and Bucky had always known that. Even when he did not love you back, you had expected him to be loyal; and he had done the one thing that he probably knew was bound to cause you the worst pain. 
Wanda was quick to wrap her arm around your shoulder and drag you away from Brock and his minions, sensing that you were on the verge of yet another breakdown. Ever since things had taken a turn for the worst, she had been trying her best to keep you calm. She knew that you were a sensitive soul, which was all the more reason for her to want to protect you from your bullies. 
“Come on, Y/N. You can’t let them get to you.” 
You should your head as you hugged her tight, sobbing softly against her shoulder. “It’s not them, Wanda. It’s not… It’s him. I loved him, Wanda. I loved him so much and he… what is it about her that made him feel that way? What is it about her that made him… fall for her? What is it that she has that I don’t? Because I thought that he was mine, and now he’s not.” 
You had to blame your own insecurities for weighing you down like this. After all, you had always envied what Connie Chapman had; and now she had Bucky’s heart too. That was the worst. But deep down, you kept asking yourself over and over again. What was it about her that made him fall for her? What was it that she had that you didn’t? 
After a while, you had realized that you could never figure out the answer to those questions. But you wanted the answers, and you wanted them from him. You had been young, stupid, and hormonal. You had been so entitled to Bucky’s heart that you had been willing to fight him for it. 
Perhaps going up to him and asking him, ‘can’t you see how much I love you,’ wasn’t the way to go. Because you did love him so much. How could he not see that? 
The fact that she had rejected him to his face, and he was still pining over her while all you had for him was true love. You wanted to ask him why he was doing this? Why do you love someone who doesn’t love you back? Why do you humiliate yourself by pining over someone who could care any less about you?
Oh what a hypocrite you were… 
“Seriously, what the fuck is it that she has that I don’t?!”
Everything, you should have known that by then. 
“Can’t you see?! Just look at her! SHE’S FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!” 
And that was it. That was all it took for Bucky Barnes to break your heart at once. 
“So, I’m... am I not beautiful?! Is that what you’re saying to me?!” 
The whole school had been witness to your screaming match that ended up to be the final tug at your heartstrings. 
As you broke down in tears, Wanda Maximoff had dragged you away from him for the last time. 
Pietro had glared daggers at him before he followed behind you, his arms wrapped tightly around you to shield you from the nosy crowd that had gathered in the cafeteria. 
And that was the last time you had ever dared to look Bucky Barnes in the eyes. 
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You had barely made it through the first course of the meal when you had lost your appetite. Being at this reunion had certainly stirred up your memories and made you relive the trauma that you had been through in senior year. 
You were quick to drop your fork and clutch onto Pietro’s wrist, every breath you took feeling colder than the last as you fought the urge to break down once again, just as you had done ten years ago. 
“Piet.” 
He turned over to look at you in worry, for he was well aware of how uncomfortable it must have been for you to be surrounded by the people and the memories of your senior year. “Are you alright, love?” He asked, the concern so clear in his voice. 
You shook your head, grabbing your glass of wine and chugging it down in one go. But no amount of alcohol could ever let you live down that dreadful day. “Take me home.” 
“Y/N, are you okay?” Wanda frowned, seeing that you looked quite distressed. 
You looked up at her and shook your head. “I shouldn’t have come here.” You admitted, cursing yourself for thinking that being here could be so much as a means of finding writing inspiration. “I can’t do it.” 
Pietro let out a sigh as he nodded understandingly, setting down his fork before wiping off his mouth with his napkin. “How about we head to The Tavern and get shit-faced? Every minute I spend in this place makes me want to throw up, and I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling.”
His sister could not help but nod in agreement. “Honestly, I only came back home because Harry asked me to check in on you. This whole reunion business never interested me.” 
“And I came because there’s no way in hell I would let the two of you deal with these people on your own.” He admitted, chuckling softly 
“I love you both so fucking much.” You smiled over at the two of them before resting your head against Pietro’s shoulder. “What would I have done without the two of you?” 
“Oh you would have been so miserable that senior year.” Wanda joked. 
From the corner of his eyes, Bucky was able to see how close you and Pietro had been seated. To say that a part of him was feeling a strong sense of jealousy would be an understatement. 
Deep down he knew that it should have been him sitting next to you during your high school reunion, letting you rest your head on his shoulder while you laughed about the memories that were meant to be happy ones. 
But instead he had ruined it all by doing what he had done, and now he was forced to watch you from afar with Pietro Maximoff in the place of your best friend. 
Bucky never had anything against Pietro, not back then and certainly not now. Back when the Maximoff twins were just the new kids on the block, he could have cared less about them. 
He and Brock were tight then, so he hadn’t bothered befriending the oldest Maximoff. He had seen you and Wanda hanging around at lunch, but he never would have thought that you had become close friends. That place had always been reserved for him, and you never opened up to anyone else. 
Even when he had distanced himself from you, he had felt possessive over you. But now he knew that it was his actions and the twins’ kindness to let you lean on them at that time that led to him sitting at this reunion in jealousy, while the three of you dined together. 
“You know, it’s not that polite to stare.” Rosie Bender remarked cheekily as she nudged her girlfriend’s brother. “And it seems to me that you haven’t even bothered to take your eyes off of her ever since you got here.” 
“She looks beautiful.” He noted, finally turning over to look over at his friend. “So… radiant. She could always light up the room she walks into.” 
“Oh please, you’re the guy who told her otherwise.” She snickered. 
Bucky could not help but roll his eyes at the reminder. “You know it should have been me sitting next to her like that, not him.” 
“It could have been you, sure. But you managed to ruin that for yourself, didn’t you?” 
“Do you think she would ever forgive me for what I did, Bender?” He asked, a little unsure himself. “Would she ever love me the same way?” 
“How would I know?” She shrugged. “Truth be told, I hope she won’t. No offence, but… as someone who watched all of your drama for the sidelines, I’ve always felt that she deserves better than the guy who took her for granted and treated her like shit.” 
“I never realized how much you hate the idea of seeing us together.” He raised his eyebrow at her. 
Rosie was quick to shake her head at his assumption. “That’s not true.” She admitted, sighing. “You know, when I sold you those prom tickets, I seriously thought that you were buying them for her. All of us in the Prom Committee, we all knew that she had a thing for you. We were rooting for the two of you to finally get together and ride off into the sunset.” 
Not that she would ever admit it to Bucky, but she had always regretted the part she had to play in your fallout. Even though she hadn’t intended for things to escalate the way they had, she often wondered if things would have been different if she hadn’t sold Bucky those prom tickets. But she knew that if she hadn’t done that, then someone else would have. In the end, it was Bucky’s fault that he had ruined things with you. 
“Wow, I guess I was an idiot.” 
“That you are.” She agreed, laughing softly before shaking her head. “Bucky, I know that she’s much better off without you. She’s built herself a whole life after she left town and she doesn’t need you in her life anymore. But I’ve had to watch you be miserable ever since she left.” 
He wasn’t even going to deny that, for even he knew that losing you had been the worst thing that had happened to him. Not even being rejected by Connie Chapman could ever compare to the pain that he had caused himself. “Rosie, I...”
“Admit it, you’ve always felt like something was missing in your life, and it’s her. She may not need you, but you need her.You fucked up, and I know that you’ve realized your mistakes now. You could either keep sitting here and look stupid, or you could finally do things right. It’s your call, Barnes.” 
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ad1thi · 4 years
Text
@starklysteve  rhae asked for some winteriron recs (read: i volunteered to spam rhae w buckytony fics because i adore them), so in no particular order, and based on my memory alone, here are some of my favourite buckytony fics!!
(please remember to leave kudos and comments!!)
American Memorial: @/spqr
“Pick up the shield,” Tony said. Understandably, Bucky told him to go fuck himself
Losing You (Is My Supervillain Origin Story):  @amethystinawrites
There are a lot of things that Bucky regrets. The list is, quite frankly, longer than he can handle on most days and, right at the very top, is lying to Tony about who killed his parents. Bucky has known even from before they started dating, but he simply can't bring himself to say anything — to ruin one of the few good things he has in his life. It's selfish and wrong, but Bucky just doesn't know how to tell Tony that he is the one responsible for Howard and Maria Stark's deaths.
So when he starts receiving anonymous emails, threatening to expose the truth to Tony and the rest of the world, Bucky is desperate enough to agree to the blackmailer's terms, even if it means breaking up with Tony. Bucky cannot, under any circumstances, let Tony find out about his parents from anyone but Bucky himself.
Too late Bucky realizes that there is much more to the blackmailer's scheme than just having Bucky break Tony's heart. Too late Bucky realizes that despite his best intentions, he will still end up losing everything — in a much more permanent way than he could ever have imagined.
Hindsight: @amethystinawrites
Ever since he was a little boy, Bucky has dreamed of becoming an astronaut together with Steve, and he can hardly believe their luck when both of them are picked for the Ares 3 crew — the third expedition sent to explore Mars. It is, quite literally, a dream come true.
Things get complicated when Bucky finds himself inconveniently attracted to their mechanical engineer, however. Tony Stark is funny, competent, and absolutely captivating, but considering NASA's strict non-fraternization policy, Bucky knows it's better to keep his interest to himself — at least until they return to Earth. He can wait.
Not once does Bucky consider the possibility that all of them might not make it back alive, or just how much he'll come to regret not acting when he had the chance.
Arsenal: @tangodancer91 (part of a series) (also my all time favourite buckytony series ever)
Two years after the Civil War that tore apart everything she’d bled to build, Toni Stark sacrificed herself for her newly-reinstated teammates and ended up stranded in the past. Freed of her name, her fortune, and her hostile ex-teammates, she built herself a life as an agent for the OSS, the American secret service, and, having nothing to lose, accepted a mission to infiltrate the newest player in the war: an organization that call themselves HYDRA.
Then, she met a young draftee with a dreadfully familiar face, and they clicked like she had never clicked with anyone before. By the time she realized she’d fallen for the man who’d cost her everything, it was too late, but she’d always been an all or nothing type of girl, and if she was damning herself, well then…might as well go all the way.
Yield: @aurumacadicus (this is an a/b/o verse fic)
All Bucky has ever wanted was to win the contest for Tony's hand in marriage. It's a bit harder now that he's down to one arm, but luckily his friends are willing to help make up the difference.
Barnes Family Motors Inc: @phlintandsteel-ao3 (this is an a/b/o verse fic)
In a world where alphas legally own omegas, Bucky is just a small time mechanic from Brooklyn who gets lucky in a poker game. Tony is an omega whose life is fraught with abuse, until his luck suddenly takes a turn for the better.
In the grand scheme of things they may only be able to make little differences in the lives of those around them, but that doesn't mean it's not worth making them. After all, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
The Long Con (don’t kid yourself): @phlintandsteel-ao3
When Tony finds out that Howard is thinking about changing the terms of Tony’s trust fund, he embarks on a not-so-elaborate scheme to prove that he’s totally settling down and not in continued need of Howard’s “guidance” until 25 instead of 21. Step 1: Get a fiance Step 2: ??? Step 3: Profit (Finally be free of Howard)
Unfortunately, Tony Stark is the worst con-artist ever, and may only be kidding himself..
Hot Mess:  @/niki
“Would serve him right if we had the world's most ill-advised one night stand.”
Imperceptions and Assumptions: @/NarutoRox
Afterward, Bucky would look back on their first meeting with fondness and a healthy dose of amusement. At the time, though, he’d mostly been confused - and more than a little embarrassed.
Bucky hadn’t paid much attention to the media in his early days, and hadn’t bothered really reading up on the team or anything, either, so when Steve had said ‘Tony Stark’, Bucky had just assumed.
The same way he’d looked at the three people who’d walked through the door - an imposing redhead in heels, a bored-looking brunette who dimpled when she saw him and Steve, and a sturdy-looking man wearing a slight glower - locked eyes on the man, and assumed him to be the infamous Tony Stark Steve wouldn’t shut up about.
It was Bucky’s first lesson when it came to Natasha Antonia ‘Toni’ Stark - never assume.
~
In which Tony Stark is actually Natasha Antonia 'Toni' Stark (which everyone knows) as well as Iron Man (which everyone does not know), assumptions are made, and there are misunderstandings.
From this prompt: How about a cross between my two favorite tropes? Nobody knows who iron man is other than Natasha/Antonia Stark's bodyguard but Bucky is in love with one or both of them
i know, you know (that i’m not telling the truth) : @imposter-human
psychic tony stark is called to work a routine case with detective bucky barnes; only, he seems to be more connected to the case than anyone thought
or, a psych au!!
the new romeo and juliet: @imposter-human
Bucky and Tony weren’t dating, because a firefighter and a detective couldn’t date (never mind that Tony hadn’t slept with anyone else since their thing had started, and he and Bucky hung out with an alarming frequency, and the whole precinct thought that they were an item). It didn't matter how many nights they spent together, how Bucky had a drawer of Tony's things and vice versa, they just couldn't.
It was a classic Romeo and Juliet situation, if Romeo and Juliet actively disliked each other on top of everything.
if found, please return to: @capnshellhead
Tony Stark shows up at Bucky's bar after a really tough break up and Bucky decides to look after him
gods of carnage:  @deathsweetqueen (part of a series)
On May 29, 1970, the Winter Soldier feels a burning sensation and looks down at his wrist to find a single name written in enduring ink: Antonia Margaret Stark.
HYDRA, fearing the defiance of their greatest asset due to a bond that cannot and will not be denied its due, immediately dispatches the Soldier, to locate, collect and deliver this newborn girl to HYDRA, which will become her new home, her new family and her entire world - to be raised as another one of HYDRA’s great warriors: their Engineer.
But the Engineer is a faulty asset. She thinks things that may get her killed one day. She wants things that she shouldn’t, that are not hers to want. She has a mind and body that belong more to herself than any handler, than any commander she may have.
And if she cuts her strings, when she cuts her strings, well, when you put sheep next to wolves, you ask for a bloodbath.
where i walk, you follow (where i burn, you burn):  @deathsweetqueen
At his father's command, Anthony Stark trades in his northern keep for a southern crown, wedded and bedded by Alexander of House Pierce, First of His Name.
Tony does his duty, becomes a wolf in name only, toothless and clawless, and a dark, gleaming ornament for the King, even if he would make himself a widower a hundred times over.
Honour demanded it of him, and so he did.
But it is Ser James Barnes, named the Kingslayer for his sins during the Rebellion, that draws his eye, gives him comfort in this pit of liars and monsters
So, what is honour compared to a good man's love? They are only human, and the gods have fashioned us for love.
[Fic by deathsweetqueen, Art by MassiveSpaceWren]
Cat Parenting (And Other Meet Cutes):  @singingwithoutwords (this is an a/b/o verse fic)
Of all the ways Bucky could have finally gotten a chance to speak to his crush, why did it have to be his cat getting Tony's cat pregnant?
Codename Heartbreaker:  @rinnwrites (part of a series)
Today was a day that, contrary to popular belief, Tony Stark had most certainly not been looking forward to. It was election day, or election night, rather, and the polls were closed, the results were in; Howard Stark was the next President of the United States of America.
or
Tony Stark Bingo - R3: Election Day
Fate Strings Not Required: @akira-of-the-twilight
“Hey doll,” a new voice said from Tony’s side.
Tony glanced at the person approaching.
Someone was working the rugged, bad boy look. The new guy rocked a leather jacket and blue jeans.
His blue eyes lit up with joy as he approached Tony. “Something wrong here?” The new guy gave the first guy--the one insisting he was Tony's soul mate--a once over then turned his full attention on Tony. “You’re looking a little stressed, anything I can do?”
Tony took the hint.
Tony wrapped his hand around the new guy’s elbow. He kept his touch light and breakable in case he’d misread the cue.
“Just some guy claiming to be my soul mate, babe.”
The new guy’s eyebrows rose to his hairline in surprise. He chuckled and gave the first guy a smirk. “Strange. Last time I checked we were soul mates.”
Siren’s Treasure: @akira-of-the-twilight
Prompt: I really love the idea of playboy!Bucky flirt of the seven seas first-mate to Captain Rogers, falling completely overboard in love with our Blacksmith-Inventor Inexperienced!Tony who goes from confident captive to shy woe-begone man in the presence of Bucky's fierce affections. Virgin!Tony wonders what a siren like Bucky could possibly want with him. Bucky wants to know what the fuck Logan thinks he's doing flirting with the man who stole his heart like sunken treasures. Happy ending please?
“Sirens killed your crew?” Steve repeated.
The dark haired man nodded. Just an hour ago the Avenger crew had found the man clinging to driftwood in the middle of the ocean. Now he clutched the flask of rum Bucky had given him like it was all that kept him buoyant during these tumultuous times.
The man—Tony—had already downed more than half the flask and was still sober. “Not exactly my crew, but close enough. Yeah.” Tony uncapped the flask and threw back a mouthful.
Steve frowned. “What do you mean by that?”
Tony shrugged. “I wasn’t captain of the ship.”
“So what were you?” Steve pressed.
Road hazards: @riotwritesthings
Steve and Bucky's BFF road trip is not going well. For starters, Steve couldn't even make it, and for some bizarre reason asked Tony to take his place. The fact that it’s only a couple days before someone is trying to kill them isn’t nearly as stressful as the fact that Bucky and Tony have never really had an actual conversation.
It’s hard to avoid someone when stuck in a car with them though, and if they manage to stay alive they just might learn a thing or two.
Once Upon a Wintertime: @iam93percentstardust (this is an a/b/o verse fic)
Look, Bucky knows that he’s fulfilling every cliché in the book right now. He knows that, as a bodyguard, he’s not supposed to fall in love with his client. But Tony’s good and sweet and so, so lonely and how could Bucky not? He thinks he’s got a shot after Tony breaks up with his boyfriend but on a trip across the country, he finds out that Tony needs a bondmate or the board will steal SI—and Ty’s already said yes.
little bird: @thxngam
Bucky laughs, and it’s loud and unbidden, a way he hadn’t laughed for years before, tugging his giggling omega into his lap. Tony quiets and nestles into Bucky’s chest like he was made to belong there, and Bucky has noticed several times that Tony is much smaller than he is, but he never quite noticed how Tony always seemed to curl into him as a reason for his size.
Tony nestles like a little bird.
Teenage Dream:  @anthonyed
Tony Stark develops a crush on the school's bad boy who is too cool to hang out with anyone. At least, it's what Tony thinks. He never considered that James Barnes is probably as lonely as he is.
(in the process of editing)
The Best Laid Plans (of Mice and Men):  @arboreal-elm-ash-oak
His Dark Materials AU
It was Annalise who noticed their small visitor first.
“Tony,” the spider daemon said softly, skittering up the collar of his dress shirt, two of her eight legs resting delicately against his cheek, “Don’t startle them, but I believe we have a guest. Look, by the coffee table.”
A Kitten and a Soldier: @/ThatDamnKennedyKid
Bucky hadn't heard from Rumlow in years - since the whole Winter Soldier fiasco in Siberia. They've been discharged for nearly six years, but when he gets a message that only says "I need your help" , he grabs his jacket and keys.
The Prince’s Bride: @hddnone
After Tony loses the love of his life to pirates on the high sea, not much matters to him. He agrees to wed Prince Justin Hammer to gain access to vibranium and shut himself away in his workshop until the end of time, but a group of ruffians kidnap Tony to take him to Hydra.
Tony's rescue takes on an unlikely form - the Dread Pirate Rogers, who killed the love of his life five years ago.
A Princess Bride AU
A Kind of Destiny: @weethreequarter
A chance meeting at a wedding brings together an American war veteran and the Prince of Wales. Little do they know, the wheels have been set in motion for a relationship which will change not only their lives, but the monarchy itself. Bucky and Tony strike up a friendship at Steve and Peggy’s wedding, a friendship that soon develops into more. But it’s not so simple: Tony is the Prince of Wales, and heir to the throne of Great Britain and the United Kingdom. Any relationship is played out in the press and public eye, and then there's that pesky issue of succession to consider too. But Bucky is no coward, and when he finds something he wants, he’s prepared to fight for it. And fight he will, at Tony's side, for their very own fairy tale ending.
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yn-dreamlife · 4 years
Text
Steve Rogers x Reader
warnings : slight angst, fluff, sad reader, mad reader
Description : When Steve goes back in time and takes to long to return what will happen between the relationship you two had.  authors note: in this we’re pretending tony lived, time travel works the way it’s written in here and not in the movies and yeah don’t come at me I know what really happened. 
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“See you in a second Captain.” I spoke smiling at my boyfriend Steve. He was going back to return the infinity stones I couldn’t help the wave of panic that I felt when he didn’t return the smile.  “yeah... I love you y/n” with that he put the helmet on and Bruce began the countdown.  “going quantum in 3... 2.... 1....” and with that I watched as Steve disappeared. When Bruce tried to bring him back and he didn’t the dread set in.
“where is he?” Sam spoke first. 
“bruce... Bruce where is he?!” My anxiety’s grew, where was he? Why hadn’t he come back yet? I looked around hoping and praying not to see some old man sitting around looking to much like Steve for it not to be. When I saw none I looked back to the platform, where was he?! I couldn’t stay I needed to go back to the tower and to me computer I had to look into this. 
I quickly sprinted off not noticing my best friend Bucky following after me. “y/n! Y/n wait!” He finally caught up to me catching my arm I knew he could have easily caught me but he wanted to give me a chance to let him. I stopped trying to wipe the tears but it was useless as more continued to fall. 
“Where is he buck?” I sobbed as I turned and buried my head into his chest. His arms wrapping around my shoulders holding me tightly to him.  “i don’t know darlin... I don’t know.” I dropped to my knees begging whoever would listen to bring my Stevie home to me. We had been together for years I couldn’t imagine my life without him. Bucky swiftly picked me up and carried me, he held me the whole way back to the tower. Once we where in the elevator I went to push the floor with the lab hoping to go to my computer but Bucky quickly pushed the one with his residential sweet purposefully not going to the one we both knew me and Steve’s room was.  he brought me inside and set me down on the small couch in there. The whole place smelled like Bucky and the scent calmed me slightly. As Bucky made me a cup of tea I couldn’t help but whisper out the thought that had been swirling through my mind. 
“Leo you think he went back to her? Back to Peggy?” He said nothing and I continued. “i wouldn’t blame him, I know how much he loved her and honestly I know I could never be as good as her but it hurts... he could have told me, I promised him I would do anything to make him happy even if it involved me no longer being in his life. I just... honestly I wouldn’t stay with me ether.” A sob erupted from my throat “Inwould have left myself in a heartbeat years ago of o could have, I’m not supposed he did too, I’ve seen the pictures of her and I see the way he looked at them and the way he looks while talking to her. He misses her, i was only ever there to fill a hole I would never be able to.”  I dared to look at Bucky and saw the tears streaming down his face. “you don’t mean that doll, you... you know he loved you.” 
Anger swelled inside me, “Do i buck?! Because he always spoke of her, always! About how good the fourths were about how much he missed it! We both know he left me to go back to her, back to the women I could never be! After all I’m just some science lab rat, while she’s-she’s just a beautiful amazing badass.” My resolve broke and I dropped back to the couch sobbing even harder. 
Bucky came over to me holding me gently rocking me back and forth. It had been almost a week, maybe more, and the longer I stayed the more I increasingly wanted to punch Bucky not because I was angry at him just because he was the closest thing and although I knew he would let me I didn’t want to, not really. So with a quick kiss to the cheek and a soft I’m heading to the gym I left. 
No one stopped me in the halls and I quickly was at the gym. I don’t bother wrapping my hands I didn’t care walking up to the punching bags and swinging at the first one, I may have been a scientist but I knew damn well how to punch and kick, hard. I knew how to defend myself. I swung over and over again throwing in the occasional kick all the while thinking of nothing but the image of Peggy and Steve. 
Bucky walked into Tony’s office they may not have always been on the best of terms but something changed ever since they fought together. Tony looked like shit but he was still there sitting at his desk staring at his computer screen. Bucky could hear grunts and cry’s coming from it instantly recognizing your voice as you cursed Steve’s name. 
“How long has she been doing that?” He asked softly.  tony looked up at the other man sadly “since she left your room.” Bucky sighed about to move to make his way to the gym when FRIDAY spoke. 
“Sir, it appears captain Rogers is entering the tower.” The two men stared at each other shocked.  “W-what?” Bucky croaked not believing his ears. 
“Yes, he just asked the wear abouts if miss y/l/n and I directed him towards her.” The AI spoke calmly.  “uh oh” the two men said in unison looking back at your sweating form kneeling on the floor.  I stared at my hands they where bloody and hurt like hell but I didn’t really give a shit at the moment. The tears the leaked form my eyes stung against my knuckles. ‘this is the very least you deserve’ i thought bitterly to myself. Obviously I did something right? 
“what did I do wrong?!” I screamed getting back up and flinging myself at the nearest punching bag hitting over and over screams left my throat as well as sobs. I couldn’t hear anything couldn’t feel anything. I stopped again standing there fist clenched breathe ragged.  “Doll,” I heard a soft voice behind me. I sipped around seeing the man I didn’t think would ever come back. He held his hands out to me giving me a soft almost fearful smile. I saw only red as I charged at him. 
“how dare you! How dare you call me that!” I pushed him but he didn’t move an inch. “You left, you left and didn’t come back! You left me!”  “y/n it wasn’t like that-” I cut him off.  “Did you stay with her?” He looked at me not saying anything until I growled out the question again. “did you. Stay. With her?!”  “N-no-” 
“Don’t lie! Not to me! You can lie to tony you can lie to Bruce hell you can lie to Bucky but not to me! I deserve more than you lying right to my face!!” He looked down.  “yes.” I scoffed “but it wasn’t like that!” He quickly adds trying to grab me I push his hands away.  “Oh really?! It wasn’t like that. How do you even know what that is if that’s not what it was?! Are you really trying to tell me you didn’t go back to be with her again?! You didn’t stay so you could be with the only woman you will ever truly love?! Don’t you fucking lie to me steven!”  “It wasn’t! I love-” 
“Leo t even finish your fucking sentence. You don’t love me if that’s what you where about to say! At least your not in love with me.”  “that’s not true!”  “Oh really! So if you love me so much why did you always talk about her! Why did you always mention how she wouldn’t like this or would love that?! Why did you always bring her up?! I’m not Bucky! I’m the women you claimed to love! I don’t know her, more importantly I’m not her! I think you failed to realize that!” He pulled me into his arms but I just tried to keep him away hitting his chest over and over again screaming.  “I hate you! I hate you I hate you I hate you!” He didn’t stop me so I kept going. “I hate you for leaving I hate you for talking about her I hate you for not being in live with me I hate you for treating me like that I hate you for making me love you I hate you for making me still fucking love you!”  I stopped hitting him the tears streaming down my face. “I hate that no matter how many times I say it it’s not true.” With a final sob a whispered one last i hate you. He moved his hand to my cheeks and rubbed away the tears. 
“y/n baby doll, there is no one I love like I do you. I went back to get closure and to give her closure. I went back so I could fully be here with you and not have a part of me stuck in the past. Baby I love you, your the woman I want to marry and have children with. And I’m sorry I left for so long, I’m sorry you thought I was leaving you for her. But I never could angle I never could.”  He leaned his forehead on mine “then why did you- why did- ugh I don’t know I just-” I groaned again. “like still mad at you, alright your speech didn’t change that. I’m staying at Bucky for a while and that’s final. I need to think.” Steve nodded and looked to his friend in the mirror. He knew Bucky had been there for a while. Bucky nodded and moved over softly pulling me away from him. 
“Come on sweet heart let’s get you cleaned up.” I walked silently clinging on to Bucky. He had always been my life line eve pr since I met him he was like my older brother and I loved him.  ———————————————————————————————————
It had been over two weeks since I properly spoke to Steve alone so finding him in the kitchen in the early hours of the morning before everyone was awake was nerve wracking. I went to turn around and walk away but his soft voice stopped me. 
“please don’t leave.” My heart ached I wanted nothing more than to run over to him and kiss away the pain I could hear in his voice. The same pain I felt truth be told I needed him as much as he needed me. The thought of leaving him crossed my mind only once and the thought alone was enough to make me sick. I just needed time and I think he deserves answers by now I owe him that much.  he sighed when I turned back around. I moved over to the counter next to the stove he was cooking on I smiled softly when I saw he was making my favorite. “So did you know I was coming?” I asked softly he looked at me silently asking what I meant when I nodded my head to the stove. A blush creeped its way onto his face. 
“oh-” he chuckled “luges it’s just a habit now, do you want some? There’s enough for two.” He asked I could see the hopefulness in his eye I had honestly hoped he would ask for nothing less.  I nodded. “Yesh, I think I’d like that.” We sat there in peaceful silence feeling almost like old times but it was different he seemed lighter almost. “I’m sorry Steve.” I whispered. He stopped moving for a moment but quickly got back to work not saying anything maybe he was afraid I would stop talking. “i needed... time I guess. But I want you to know I could never leave you, I love you to much the thought quite literally made me lose my lunch. But I understand if after my outburst you want to leave me. I made a promise to make you happy even if it meant me leaving I’m going to honor that promise.” By now I was staring at my hands. He turned all the burners off and moved in front of me. I could see his socks so I knew he was standing in front of me I didn’t look at him though. He softly placed a finger under my chin and I let him move my head up to look at him. 
His eyes shined with tears, “do- y/n I’m not going to leave you what I did was unfair to you, I fully respect your need for space and plan on giving you as much as you need. And when you’re ready I’m going to win your heart over again and again.” I smiled at him moving to cup his cheek. 
“you already have my heart.” The smile that formed on his lips was nothing short of a boyish grin but it quickly turned into a shy smile as he leaned in slowly once his lips where just barley a breathe away he paused. I just barley whispered a please before his lips where in mine. This is what I had needed for nearly a month. His hands moved to my waist and mine to his hair he moved himself in between my legs deepening the kiss. Our tongues swirling together in a flurry of passion the tension slowly left both of us and when we pulled away I couldn’t help the small giggle that escaped as I felt heat rise into my face.  “Ive missed you doll.” He spoke testing out my nickname once again I smiled.  “And I’ve missed you, my captain.” He smiled pulling me into a hug my head moving into his neck and after that we both enjoyed our breakfast together and things finally felt normal... no better than normal because this was new and it was perfect. 
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lustfulholland · 4 years
Text
Test Me (Prologue)
Bucky Barnes x avenger!rogers!Reader
warnings: language, violence, my shit writing, stinky aliens
summary: in which she's on her own team
A/N: this is the second part of Trust Me, so if you haven’t read that series you should go do that first !! ++ this series is going to be longggggg considering most will be spent w/o Bucky (I’m sure the time period can help you put that together) but the many chapters w/o Bucky will (hopefully) be worth it ++ I SCHEDULED THIS POST FOR THE WRONG DAY AHAHAH IM SORRY ITS LATE ANGELS
-
“We need your help. Look, it’s not overselling it to say that the fate of the universe is at stake here.”
“And who’s we?”
“Hey Tony.”
Y/N watches angrily — Strange promised he wouldn’t go to Tony. To be fair she’s only met him five minutes previous. 
Y/N studies the camera footage — Stark jogging with Pepper’s hand in his own. She scoffs and slams the laptop shut, looking at the other computer showing a still of Steve. She clicks play and he tugs his hat down, glancing up at the camera before looking back at his feet.
“Whoever is behind me,” Y/N says, “You better get out or I’ll take you out.”
“Mrs. Barnes—”
Y/N whips around and holds the knife to the stranger’s neck, “What the hell did you just call me?”
“I’m Dr. Stephen Strange,” the man says calmly, “I wouldn’t have come to you if it wasn’t urgent. I think it’s safe to say th—”
“How the hell did you know where I was?” she asks.
“The fate of the universe is at stake,” he continues, unfazed by the blade pressed to his throat.
“And what’s in it for me?”
“I help you find them.”
“Barnes is in Wakanda, my brother is on the run, Stark is being lovey-dovey with Ms. Potts. I don’t need you.”
“Well then why haven’t you killed them? You promised them, didn’t you?” he asks. She presses the knife closer to his throat.
“I will murder you,” she says through grit teeth.
“No you won’t,” he says, with a slight smile. She scoffs and he shakes his head. “Prove me wrong.”
She stares challengingly and Strange lifts an eyebrow. She sighs and drops the knife, turning her back to them and opening the laptop.
“Alright doctor, tell me about the fate of the universe,” she says. Strange rattles off details to Y/N as she scrolls through various websites. She hums every once in a while to acknowledge the man. As he continues she cuts him off. “Doctor Stephen Strange, world renowned neurosurgeon. As a result of a horrifying accident the surgeon lost his ability to use his hands and other injuries. After many costly surgeries and therapies--”
“Enough,” Strange says. Y/N stands up straight and turns back to Strange with a smirk on her face.
“So how are you doing…” she makes a circular motion at him, “Life?”
He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, “That’s not important right now. What is important is--”
“As far as I’m concerned I don’t need to help you,” she says, “I have holed myself away for nearly two years--”
“Mrs. Ba--”
“It’s Y/N,” she corrects, “And if you try Ms. Rogers I will kick your ass into yesteryear, so call me by my name.”
“Y/N,” Strange says reluctantly, “I know that you’re seeking vengeance against the three men, but if you don’t come with me right now I’ll have to seek out Mr. Stark.”
Y/N tenses up, “So?”
“You wouldn’t want Stark to be doing your job for you,” Strange says, “I know you. I know what’s going on in your brain. You don’t want Tony Stark to do what you know you could do ten times better.”
“Reverse psychology won’t work on me,” Y/N says, crossing her arms over her chest. Strange quirks an eyebrow at her as if to challenge her words. He opens his mouth and her resolve breaks before he can try again. “What is it that you need me to do?”
Strange lets a barely-there smile appear on his face, “Have you heard of a man-- alien named Thanos?”
Y/N clenches her jaw and stiffens once again, “He’s been mentioned once or twice. What does this have to do with me?”
“If you would let me finish--”
“Thanos is Tony’s guy,” Y/N says, “And you probably know that, don’t you? There’s no way I’m helping you! You’re just gonna ask Tony to join and--”
“I won’t go to Stark,” Strange says, “Let me tell you why I need you and I won’t go to him.”
Y/N is reluctant, but nods. She motions for him to continue. As the explanation goes on she feels more compelled to help the stranger. He’s hiding something, she can feel it. She knows he isn’t telling the entire truth, but it doesn’t make her want to abandon the mission.
“And you promise not to go to Tony?” Y/N says.
Strange sighs, “I promise.”
Y/N’s eyes skim the three men walking closer. Tony glances over to her, a shocked expression flooding his face. She lunges forward but Bruce is quick to wrap his arms around her.
“Be nice,” Bruce says. Y/N rolls her eyes and sits on the stairs, glaring at Tony as the situation is explained.
“We swore an oath to protect the Time Stone with our lives,” Wong says.
“And I swore off dairy, but then, Ben & Jerry's named a flavor after me, so…” Tony retorts.
“Stark Raving Hazelnuts,” Strange says.
“It's not bad,” Tony says.
Strange adds, “A bit chalky.”
“A Hunka-Hulka Burning Fudge is our favorite,” Wong says.
“That's a thing?” Bruce asks.
“Whatever. Point is: things change,” Tony says.
“Our oath to protect the Time Stone cannot change,” Strange says, “This Stone may be the best chance we have against Thanos.”
“And still conversely, it may also be his best chance against us,” Tony argues.
“Well, if we don't do our jobs—”
“What is your job exactly, besides making balloon animals?” Tony asks
“Protecting your reality, douchebag,” Strange replies calmly. Y/N can’t help the laugh that escapes her lips and she slaps a hand over her mouth.
“I’m sorry,” she says, muffled by her hand. 
“Okay, guys, could we table this discussion right now?” Bruce asks, “The fact is that we have this Stone. We know where it is. Vision is out there somewhere with the Mind Stone, and we have to find him now.”
“Yeah, that's the... thing,” Tony says awkwardly.
“What do you mean?” Bruce asks.
“Two weeks ago, Vision turned off his transponder. He's offline,” Tony says.
“What? Tony, you lost another super bot?” Bruce asks incredulously.
“I didn't lose him. He's more than that. He's evolving.”
“Who could find Vision, then?” Strange asks.
“I know where he is,” Y/N says, “But too bad I don’t like you.”
“You’re kidding,” Tony says.
“Am I?” Y/N asks, furrowing her brows.
Bruce sighs, “Y/N, the fate—”
“The fate of the universe is in danger,” Y/N mocks, “Blah, blah, blah. I know. I’m sure somebody else knows where Vision is. Any ideas, Stark?”
Y/N stares at Tony, as if to challenge him. He sighs, muttering a curse and then looking back to the others.
“Probably Steve Rogers,” Tony reluctantly suggests. Y/N smiles triumphantly, clapping lightly at his answer.
Strange sighs, “Oh great.”
“Maybe,” Tony says, “But…”
“Call him,” Bruce says. Y/N throws her head back with laughter, looking over to Bruce as she calms.
“Oh you don’t know!” she exclaims, “Of course not!”
“What don’t I know?” Bruce chuckles nervously.
“Tell him,” Y/N says, “Come on Tony! Tell him!”
“The Avengers broke up,” Tony says, “We’re toast.”
“Broke up? Like a band? Like The Beatles?” Bruce asks.
“Cap and I fell out hard,” Tony says, “We're not on speaking terms.”
“That’s an understatement,” Y/N snorts.
Bruce shakes his head, “Tony, listen to me. Thor's gone. Thanos is coming. It doesn't matter who you're talking to or not.”
Tony hesitates, then pulls out the phone Steve mailed him. Tony makes a quiet comment about the old device, and flips it open. He hovers his finger over the call button, but stops when an unusual rumbling begins.
“Say, Doc, you wouldn't happen to be moving your hair, would you?” Tony asks. Strange glances up at a lock of his hair standing on its own.
“Not at the moment, no.”
Tony looks up at the Hulk-shaped hole in the ceiling and sees debris flying by outside. He exits the Sanctum through the front door and scans the outdoors. The group follows behind him to watch the chaos unfold. People run and scream, traffic piles up, litter flies in the wind. A woman falls down and Tony helps her up.
“You okay?” Tony asks. The woman ignores him, running off and bumping into Y/N. A car crashes in on a pole behind Tony. “Help him! Wong, look alive!”
“Go! Got it!” Bruce exclaims.
Tony slips on his sunglasses, “FRIDAY, what am I looking at?”
“Not sure, I’m working on it,” the AI replies.
“Hey! You might wanna put that Time Stone in your back pocket, Doc!” Tony says.
“Might wanna use it,” Strange replies, magical bands forming around his forearms. A distant humming grows louder as Tony and Y/N round the corner near an intersection. Above Bleecker Street a giant circular ship floats in the air.
“What the shit?” Y/N whispers.
“FRIDAY, evac anyone south of 43rd Street, notify first responders,” Tony says.
“Will do.”
Doctor Strange throws the Winds of Watoomb over Bleecker Street and winks at Tony. As the dust clears a look of amusement appears on Tony’s face for only a moment. Two other-worldly creatures exit the ship by transmat.
“Once again,” Y/N says, “What the shit?”
“Hear me, and rejoice. You are about to die at the hands of the Children of Thanos. Be thankful, that your meaningless lives are now contributing to—” Maw begins.
“I'm sorry, Earth is closed today,” Tony interrupts, “You better pack it up and get outta here.”
“Stonekeeper,” Maw looks at Strange and motions to Tony, “Does this chattering animal speak for you?”
“Certainly not. I speak for myself,” Strange says. He readily forms magic shields at his fists. Strange steps forward as an act of intimidation. “But you’re trespassing in this city and on this planet.”
“It means get lost, Squidward!” Tony taunts.
“He exhausts me,” Maw sighs. Cull speaks in a foreign language, untranslatable by the group. Maw nods, “Bring me the Stone.”
Cull speaks in the foreign language once again before dropping his giant hammer, dragging it towards the heroes.
“Banner,” Tony calls, “You want a piece?”
“No, not really, but when do I ever get what I want?” Bruce says.
“That’s right,” Tony says. Bruce attempts to bring out the Hulk, but he barely turns his neck green. Y/N and Tony share a look, then turn back to Banner. “Been a while. Good to have you, buddy.”
“You got this,” Y/N says, clapping her hands a couple times to encourage him.
“I just... I need to concentrate here for one second,” Bruce says, “Come on, come on, man.”
“Where’s your guy?” Tony asks.
“I don't know. We've sorta been having a thing,” Bruce says.
“There’s no time for a thing!” Y/N scolds.
“I know,” Bruce says.
Tony motions to Cull approaching, “That’s the thing right there. Let’s go.”
Bruce grunts, but can’t pull out the Hulk. Strange looks at Tony and Y/N, then Bruce.
Tony glances at strange, “Dude, you're embarrassing me in front of the wizards.”
“Tony, I'm sorry,” Bruce says, “Either I can't or he won't—”
“It's okay. Hey, stand down,” Tony says.
“Watch him,” Y/N says to Wong.
“I have him,” Wong nods.
Bruce sighs, “Damn it.”
Cull approaches the team, Tony’s nanotech suit forming around his body. A shield grows on one arm grows and a set of blasters. He blasts the alien back, Maw deflecting him and blasting him into cars.
“Where'd that come from?” Bruce asks.
“It's nano-tech,” Tony says, “You like it? A little someth—”
“There’s no time for this,” Y/N says. Maw creates a spike of earth that throws Tony into the air, and flies treesar the rest of the team. Wong summons the Shield of the Seraphim and Y/N stops those that are about to hit her.
“Dr. Banner, if the rest of your green friend won't be joining us…” Strange says. Strange teleports Bruce away from the fight. Tony rejoins the fight by pushing a car that Maw threw, Maw cuts it in half and remains untouched by the pieces that flew by.
“Get that stone out of here now,” Y/N demands. She lifts a finger and a car launches at Maw, who cuts it in half and sighs with boredom.
“It stays with me,” Strange says.
“Exactly. Bye,” Tony says. He flies through the objects Maw lifted in the air, Y/N trying her best to fly them out of the way as he goes. Cull’s hammer knocks Tony through a building and into the park. Y/N grunts and runs towards the alien who hits her with the hammer as well. She uses her powers to keep herself from slamming into the ground as Bruce runs over to Tony.
“Tony, you okay? How we doing? Good? Bad?” he questions worriedly.
“Really, really good. Really good. Do you plan on helping out?” Tony replies.
“I'm trying,” Bruce says, “He won't come out.”
Cull throws his hammer towards the two. Tony quickly shoves Bruce out of the way, but Y/N raises her arms to slam it into the ground before it could near them. Tony looks at her with a start and she sends him a wink in response. Tony shoots an energy beam that deflects off Cull’s shield, slicing down trees. Bruce gets close to being crushed, but moves out of the way in time. Tony is knocked down by Cull. The alien raises his hammer to hit Tony in the head, but is instead caught by Peter Parker.
“Hey, man,” Peter chirps, “What's up, Mr. Stark?”
“Kid, where'd you come from?” Tony asks.
“Field trip to MoMA,” Peter says. Cull grabs Peter and throws him out of the way. “What is this guy's problem, Mr. Stark?”
“He's from space. He came here to steal a necklace from a wizard,” Tony explains.
“Strange is getting his ass handed to him,” Y/N announces, lifting Cull into the air and slamming him back down. She reaches a hand out to Peter as the alien falls over and over.
“Hey Mrs. Barnes!” Peter says.
“Why does everyone call me that?” Y/N growls, running back towards Cull once Peter is on his feet.
“Kid, that's the wizard. Get on it,” Tony says as Strange flies above their heads.
“On it!” Peter says. Peter chases after Maw who’s following behind Strange.
“I can handle this,” Tony says, “Go watch the kid.”
Y/N nods and lifts off the ground, following behind the chasers. Maw retaliates by throwing a billboard at Peter.
“Not cool man!” Peter exclaims, untangling himself and continuing his pursuit. Maw bends poles to snag the cloak from Strange. Y/N gasps and falls down, using her powers to hold up Strange rather than herself. Peter scoops up Strange, but Y/N doesn’t catch herself in time. Her back hits the pavement and she groans, rolling onto her stomach.
Before Peter can escape with the unconscious Strange a blue light pulls ‘the wizard’ up. Peter grips a light pole to keep himself on Earth, but Maw pulls it out of the ground.
“Peter!” Y/N yells, lifting off the ground for the second time. She launches herself into the beam.
“Uh, Mr. Stark?” Peter says, “We’re being beamed up!”
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bitchiha · 4 years
Note
Hello, may I request a matchup and be matched with a male from Naruto,Marvel and Harry Potter, please and thank you. LINK -  The first part is infoship2 (.) tumblr (.) (com) (without the parentheses). You can take as much time as you need to, I don’t mind being patient & waitiing.
A/N: Hey!! Thank you for the request, you’re honestly such a supportive person on my blog and I love you so much <3 w/ that being said, I present your ships under the cut below!
I ship you with..
Shino Auberame!
Tbh I think Shino is so underrated. Like we seen him putting fate and effort into Hinata to help her improve her skills throughout Shonen Jump and Shippuden. With that being said, I think it’s safe to say he can help you cope with and over come the challenges that come with depression and OCD. Like he is a really caring and supportive boyfriend.
He’s smart and observant, so he will be able to tell when you are okay and when you are lying. It doesn’t matter if you’re hiding it the best you can. Being that he’s smart, he won’t pry at you to tell him what’s wrong either (bc you can’t force things out of people), unless he thinks it would be damaging not too.
Working with Hinata and Kiba has improved his patience incredibly. So if you are in a crappy mood or you’re arguing, you can’t piss him off or get under his skin easily. The level headed way he goes about himself would be really helpful for yourself and the relationship as well.
You can’t expect Shino to open up right away. If you start off as friends though (which is what you both prefer anyway), once you become boyfriend and girlfriend he’s much more open. Infact he’ll probably seek you out over anyone else when in need of advice. I think he’d be also really thoughtful and helpful in terms of giving you advice as well. Hes like your personal advisor lol
You also mentioned you have this kind of melancholy temperament and I thought that was so suiting for Shino LMFAOAOAO. Anyway, what I mean by that is like if you’re in one of those moods it won’t annoy him or frustrate him at all. He’ll probably join in, he’s usually like that anyway. You two can be melancholy together. Unless he feels like the mood is unhealthy, then he’ll try and cheer you up.
He has a passion for insects, you have one for animals. You’ll have to put up with him showing you all the cool new insects he’s found and listen to him blab about ‘em to you. In return he’ll go out animal watching with you. He will get very passionate on these expeditions with you, not to mention he’s smarts really come in handy. He’ll know what type of bird likes what type of trees, how to track down a certain animal, how to follow their prints in the dirt, etc.
Loves when you get passionate tbh. You’re both pretty quiet, but when a subject comes up that you’re interested in, you can talk for hours. You two will literally blab together for hours once you’re on a subject you both like. Kiba and Hinata will be like :0 wtf bitch never talks to me that much.
You sometimes think that what you say isn’t going to be Important so you hold back and that instantly made me think of Shino. Not that he holds back what he has to say, but the fact that when he often says something, he’s talked over or cut off. So he would 10/10 understand how you feel and would make a valiant effort to make sure that your voice is heard. Like sure, Kiba can talk over him, but if he tries to talk over you Shino will box his ass. Okay, not really box him, but you get the point. He’ll probably be like “Kiba wait, she wasnt finished talking.” Or “You cut her off, she was saying something important.” Or if those are too forward he’ll probably turn to you and say something encouraging like “Dont worry, I’m listening” or “continue what you were saying” but please, for the love of god, do the same for him.
Youve talked about how you have trust issues with loyalty and relationships, but tbh with Shino you won’t have to worry at all. Like once he’s hooked on you and you’re dating, he’s sold. There’s no one else he’s gonna go to or think about. If anything, he probably has similar views to you in terms of love.
He’d play board games with you and listen to music with you a lot as well. His taste is kind of all over the place in terms of music, but he’s open to any suggestions you have. Will also lowkey be a big anime fan. Probably likes the classic kinds of animes like Dragon Ball Z, One Piece and Pokemon.
Bucky Barnes!
Bucky is attracted to quieter people, they’re just easier to be around. However, he does like talking too. Like he adores having thoughtful conversations with someone he trusts and cares about.
Honestly I think you two are similar in a lot of ways, but not too similar in the sense that things will never be progressive in the relationship, if you know what I mean. Like he has things he needs to work on and you have things you need to work on. Some of his strong suits happens to be your weaker ones, so you two help eachother out a little bit.
Like Shino, he can be standoffish and a little closed off at first but once you start to date, he’s like an open book. It takes a lot of trust to get into a romantic relationship with him, he doesn’t through the boyfriend girlfriend title around like it’s nothing. He takes it seriously.
That being said, your views on love are also very similar. He’s honestly so scared of being cheated on, but he’s also not the type to be over protective or over bearing because of it. If you’re in a relationship with him, he trusts you. He would never think to cheat, in fact, he probably doesn’t give any incoming flirters the time of day.
Honestly, you said you’re described by some as a house cat and I think that vibe is perfect for Bucky. Like he just wants that kind of life. He doesn’t want a crazy and eccentric lifestyle (he’s had his fair share of that), if you wanna laze around on the couch for a day and watch movies, he’s down.
He’ll like Anime too, once you introduce him to it. Probably lives and breathes for Naruto Shippuden. I think he’ll also like sporty anime’s like Stars Align and Haikyuu you cannot change my mind. He’ll be the emotional type when watching anime, which is weird because he’s usually more reserved in terms of emotions. Will love to talk to you about it afterwards.
You can be his shoulder to lean on and a good listener, but so is he. Since you’re both pretty observant people, I think fights can get resolved pretty quickly. Like you’ll be able to think through what happened and come to a conclusion together. Also, he’ll be able to tell when somethings off with you. It may take him a few months of the relationship, but once he’s in the swing of things, he’ll know you like the back of his hand.
He’ll definitely be able to help you stop with being a people pleaser. Like whenever you start down that path he’ll stop you and kinda get you to check yourself real quick. “You don’t have to do that for them,” or instead of you doing it he’ll do it instead, just to get you to stop pleasing that person. He knows you don’t like it yourself and can’t help it sometimes, so he tries his best to help.
He’s athletic asf and he also likes spending time with you, so he will do yoga with you. He’ll probably be so fucking awkward at it at first, like he will not know what he’s doing. Just give him a minuet, he’ll end up really liking it and will probably want to try all those crazy couples yoga poses.
Will like to have deep and thoughtful conversations with you as well. Probably about things you both like. He’s not super talkative unless it’s about something he can get into.
George Weasley!
He’s a nice break from the two more ‘emo mysterious’ types I just suggested. He’ll be a good change from the dreary moments you’ll have. If you’re in a melancholy mood I would think he’d crack some jokes and make you laugh. But sometimes he’ll let you be bc he feels you need your melancholy moments or else you’ll malfunction.
He’ll watch anime with you. To be honest I think all the weasleys would watch it. He wouldn’t mind any kind of anime as long as there is action in it. Whenever you visit him on the holidays or he visits you, you best believe there will be anime marathons. He loves Naruto. I don’t think he’s got the patience to watch the whole entire thing, but he’ll make it a good ways into shippuden before moving on.
George is smart. He is. Like maybe he doesn’t apply himself all that much into school because it doesn’t entertain him, but you entertain him. Like he really likes you. So he’s gonna put effort into you. All that being said, I think he’d be very helpful when it comes to any struggles you have in regards to your depression and OCD.
He’ll know when you’re lying about If you’re okay or not, but he handles it differently than the other two. I think he’ll take it as a sign to cheer you up. Whether it be muttering something sweet to you when you pass each other in the halls, or pulling a giant prank on the school if you are in a particularly sad mood.
He’d be interested in all your interests that’s for sure. He’s not the insecure type, so He’s willing to put himself out there. Sure he’s never done yoga before, but he will do it if you ask him too. Same thing with all your other interests.
Since he does most of the talking in the relationship, he’ll always try and bring up topics you like. That way you can be the one talking more for a change. He’s also so encouraging in wanting you to talk more. He’ll know when to leave you be though. Like if he sees your close to blowing a fuse, he’ll either try and defuse your mood, or leave you alone for some time to think.
Honestly he’s just encouraging in general so if you ever want advice he’s there for you.
Also in terms of your ideas on love, I think he’ll be somewhat in the same boat as you. Like I definitely believe he’s not the type to cheat. He’s invested in you, not the other girls. I think he has a brighter idea to love than yours though. Not that yours is dark or anything, but his is just more ambitious??
Really I think his attitude can be super complimentary to yours. I don’t think they’ll clashing tbh, I think it’s actually very beneficial.
He’s a bit of a tease, so once he first hears someone call you a house cat or describe you as one I definitely think he will call you that. He’ll be like “where’s my darling house cat?”
10/10 think he’d be a good bf to you
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canumoveurseatup-no · 5 years
Text
Behind Closed Doors
Summary: It’s the 40s and you find yourself falling for a certain Sergeant. You know it’s hard for you in a time like this but the love you two have for one another in insurmountable.
Requested by: @latreace-monae-love
WC: 2.7K
Pairing: 40s!Bucky x 40s!Black!Reader
Warnings: racial divide, use of the word “negro”, mentions of harassment, TW: one mention of rape, little angsty, fluffy, slight smut
A/N: Probably messed up some things with things with Steve and Peggy but that doesn’t matter. Enjoy and comment and reblog please!!!
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—————
“You’re gonna get yourselves killed, Buck,” Steve has kept warning you and Bucky. He supported the relationship but he didn’t want you or Bucky to get yourselves caught up.
He hated having to watch Bucky sulk when you had to sit on the other side of the diner for colored people. There’s been times when he almost got pummeled to death just for crossing the line to talk to you.
Bucky would have to sneak to your side of town to see you as that was the only way to actually love you... behind closed doors. You hated it, you lived alone and no one knew other than your brother and he would always chew your ear off about it.
You two lived in a world where it was banned to be in an interracial relationship, but you two didn’t care. You were able to love who you wanted.
“Mama and pop are gonna kill you if they find out you’re messing with a white man, Y/N,” your older brother scolded.
“Well good thing you’re gonna keep your mouth shut,”
On either side of the scale you’d be screwed if anyone found out. But you and Bucky were willing to beat the odds.
Your mama always told you that if a white man wants you it’s to fetishize you and you believed it for a while until you met Bucky.
———
“What’s a pretty little lady doing out here all alone?,” there was a drunken group of white men on the corner as you were walking home by yourself.
“Now I don’t want any trouble, I just wanna get home safe,” you tried walking past the men but they formed a wall in front of you. You knew it was a bad idea to take that job way across town but it was better than what the others were offering.
You began to look for a way out, you didn’t want your mama and pop to be told that their little girl had been a victim to white drunkards on the corner.
“Give us a lil somethin’ and we’ll all be on our way,” one of them slurred.
“Never been with a negro woman before. How about you give us a taste,”
“Please, I’m just trying to go home!,” you tightened your jacket around yourself.
They grabbed you and you fought until a gun shot rang through the air.
“Now I suggest you all back away from the little lady,”
You jerk out of their grasps and see a man in a uniform. Good looking white man, well put together.
“Mind ya business, boy,”
The man in uniform huffed before knocking each and everyone of them out.
You stood in fear clutching your purse, “Don’t hurt me, please. I-I’ll give you all the money I have, I’m just tryna get home before it gets too dark,”
Bucky lifted up his hand to silence you, “Not gonna hurt ya ma’am,” he walks slowly to show you he’s not a threat, “I’m Sergeant Barnes and I’m just here to protect ya. Gonna walk you home so you get back to your family safe okay?,”
You swallowed the lump in your throat nodded quickly.
“Thank you,”
————
Everyday for months Bucky walked you home. Everyday you and Bucky got to know each other and you’ve grown quite fond of him. Sure his people were bad but he wasn’t. He was a genuine man and you soon fell for him. You two would go to little underground hideouts with other interracial couples to be able to get that sense of being open about your love.
His best bud Steve would come along and he was a pure soul. Steve was a small man who became a big man. Bucky was a little self conscious when Steve came back with the serum, thinking you’d leave him for Steve but you promised that would never happen.
Bucky was your man.
———
“Pass me the pepper please, doll,”
You two sat at dinner with Steve and a sweet little dame named Peggy. She was very sweet and all about building women up and fighting for their rights.
You pass Bucky the smile as Peggy speaks about another project coming up. You silently watch Bucky listen and laugh with Steve. You adored that man, you just wish things weren’t the way they were. Where he’d have to crawl up the fire escape just to see you and stay the night with you.
But the nights of slow dancing in your home, cooking together and watching TV. Mornings of him making breakfast for you or you making it for him while he was reading the paper. Oh!
The love making. Could never forget how he made you feel while making love to you. You knew your mother’s words weren’t true when it came to Bucky. Bucky didn’t pull that “I don’t see color” crap, he saw you exactly as you were, a black woman, a black woman who was tender hearted and hardworking and deserving of everything, the rights, the respect, that he got as a white man. He understood your fight and fought it with you.
You knew he was the one.
———
“I love you, doll,”
Bucky held your hands by your head as he rolled his hips into you. He never stopped to tell you that he loved you.
Hips lips were pressed against yours in a bruising kiss as your breath hitched in a moan. You two always had to be quiet so your neighbors didn’t hear. Everyone knew who Sergeant Bucky Barnes was.
“I love you more,” if that was even possible. You didn’t know you could love someone so much after only a year of dating but here you were.
His lips attached themselves to your collarbones and went to work with sucking and biting, knowing he can’t leave marks any higher.
“Cum for me, doll,”
Bucky let go of one of your hands to let his roam your body. He knew you loved it when he touched you in such a sensual manner. You were so sensitive to his touch it was almost overwhelming. A simple motion of his hands touching all over you was enough to push you over the edge.
You bite your bottom lip while Bucky’s lips wrapped around your pert nipples, knowing that always helped intensify your orgasm. With his hands all over you and mouth paying some much needed attention to your breasts, your pussy was clenching around him so hard Bucky couldn’t help but cum hard into his condom. You wish you could just feel him.
“Bucky,” you let out an airy whisper. Body still trembling as he peppered kisses all over your skin that was glowing with a slight sheen of sweat.
“I just want a family with you,” his nose nudged your neck.
You and Bucky had had this conversation a few times but the thought of having a family scared you. Not even just because he was a white man but the thought of having kids scared you anyway. Let alone the idea of them being by a white man, who granted you loved, but in this world you didn’t want to risk it.
You tried my wrap your arms around his neck and kiss along his five o’clock shadow, “I know b-but maybe in a few years things will look up where we’re finally accepted,”
He rested his head against your shoulder trying to keep in a sigh of disappointment, “But we’re in our prime Y/N. I- I know we... I know it’s not gonna be easy but maybe we can be the face of this battle. Be a face for others to come out of hiding as well and w-we rebel! We fight, we can prove that a white man can love a brown woman and vice versa,”
You heard, you really did. But the whites were brutal and would stop at nothing to let their displeasure be known.
“They could kill us, James,”
That was your fear. You already risked your life everyday enough with just being a colored woman. With being a part of the protests and now you’d have another fight on your hands which for some reason put a pit in your stomach that just gave you an inkling of know that this could be the fight to take you out.
“We could move away. Live on the countryside away from everyone. Our kids could grow up there,”
“You’re a Sergeant, my love. You’d be needed so much,”
For every point made, Bucky had a rebuttal.
“We’re gonna make this work, sweets. I know it. You can keep this argument up as much as you want but I just know we’re gonna find a way,”
———
“Mama you can’t just go setting me up with Tommy’s boy at the corner store!,” you were fuming.
Your mother went meddling in your love life and stirred the pot
“I want grandchildren, Y/N. Ya brotha is already working on some but I would like my daughter to have some as well,”
“Mama, I don’t want children right now. I wanna focus on myself,” you sighed. You knew Bucky would not like this, “I hate lil’ Tommy. I’m not going on that date so you can tell him I’m not gonna show up. I’m not stepping in the same room as that creep!,”
“What’s all the yelling for?,” your brother stepped in the room
“Mama set me up with lil’ Tommy!,” you whined. You graduated with Tommy, he was a rude ass young man and you despised him. You wondered how such a nasty boy could come from such a wonderful man and lovely woman. It confused you.
“Ew, Mama really?,” your brother frowned, “That youngin’ is disturbed in the head,”
“Oh I’m sure he ain’t that bad,” she waved you two off
“I’m not going on that date with him. I’ll date whoever I want on my own accords,”
“As long as it ain’t no white boy, ya hear?,” she points at you while you set the table up for family dinner. You felt your stomach drop and you looked over to your brother who wouldn’t even make eye contact with you. Your brother had come to terms with you being with Bucky and has grown quite fond of the gentleman.
“What’s wrong with a white man if he likes me?,” you tried your best to act nonchalant but you knew your mama would not change her mind
“Y/N ain’t no white man gonna like you,” she chuckled, “Dem men want one thing and one thing only. Remember dey raped our ancestors and killed us when others found out. We only good to lay in bed wit den dey throw us away,”
“Mama... I know that’s true but I don’t think all white people are like their ancestors. Like the ones that protest with us. They believe in us and what we fight for. I think some are good,”
“Child,” your mother put her hand up to shut you up, “Ain’t no white person messing with a black strictly for love,”
“You’re wrong, Mama,” you felt tears welling in your eyes
“Y/N,” your brother scolded before you said something that you couldn’t take back.
Bucky loved you no matter what his side or your side said. Love was so much more than color.
“What’d you say to me?,” you mother wipes her hands on her apron and stood squinting at you. That look was never good.
“I said you’re wrong,” you swallow. Bucky loves you and you’ll be damned if someone told you otherwise.
“And you know that how? What experience do you have Y/N?,”
Your brother stood in the middle of you two to try and diffuse any tension, “Let’s not argue, pop is on his way back from work,”
“A white man loves me, Mama and no matter what you say, I know he’s not like everyone else,”
Her laughed filled the entire house as if you told the world’s best joke for the next century. Your mama hated white people, for valid reasons but being with Bucky gave you the mindset that not all of them are alike.
“You a damn fool and I didn’t raise to you to be one,” we picked up her knife and began chopping away at carrots.
“We’re gonna have a family one day. We’re gonna move away to be happy. You don’t have to believe me mama but I’m sick of hiding my love for him from the world, I shouldn’t have to hide it from you too,”
“Because there isn’t any love to hide, dammit,” she stabs the knife into the cutting board making you and your brother flinch, “Dem people aren’t capable of any kind of love for us, Y/N and I’ve taught you better than what you’ve got yourself caught up in, in becoming some white man’s whore!,”
You didn’t believe her. You couldn’t bear to listen to this, you grabbed your coat and ran out the door ignoring the calls of your brother.
“Let’eh go!,” your mother shrugged. Your brother knew how her words hurt you. You and you mama had a close relationship but this one thing could have severed it.
You went home hoping Bucky was there waiting for you. You burst through the front doors to find Bucky and Steve. Bucky noticed how you had tears running down your face and how you were hiccuping to catch your breath.
“Doll, what the hell happened? Though you were at dinner with ya parents,”
“M-mama knows about us and she doesn’t believe you could l-love me,” was all you could get out. Your shoulder shook in sobs as he wrapped his arms around you.
“Of course I love you, Y/N. Don’t tell me you believe her,” he did his best to wipe your tears away although they kept falling, “I could never stop loving you,”
“I told her th-that but she said your kind is incapable of loving us past wanting to lay in bed with us,”
You and Bucky know that was bullshit. You two didn’t even start having sex until after you hit the one year mark.
“I just wanna go to a time where our love is believable and accepted,”
Bucky hated to hear you cry. He hated that you were hurt by someone you held so close to your heart.
“Well... that was something me and Steve were just discussing,”
———
“So we’re gonna wake up and still be like this?,” you ask as Peggy helps set you up in the big tube like contraption.
“Exactly the same. You’ll wake up and you’ll still be in your prime,”
“You sure this is what you want, Y/N?,” Bucky looked over to you from his own tube.
You already told your brother your goodbyes. He supported your decision and while it was a hard decision to make... he believed you deserved a chance at being in love with who you wanted.
“I’m positive,” you nodded.
Peggy nodded to her assistant and they pushed a button for the tubes to close.
“Gonna miss you, punk,”
“Maybe we’ll see each other in the future, jerk,”
Bucky and Steve exchanged words before the tubes began to fill with mist.
Your eyes closed with the hopes of waking to a world where things have changed.
———
*Present Day*
You felt stiff as ever like you had been frozen. Maybe because you were... wait.. you were frozen. Were, meaning, you’re awake!
You look around and see Bucky’s space is empty. You confusingly looked around and saw Bucky pacing, waiting for you to wake up.
You groan as you try to open the casing and Bucky’s head jerks in your direction to see you awake and well. He rushed to help you out and cradle you close to his body.
“You took so long to wake up!,” he sighed.
“It didn’t even seem like we were sleep for that lo-,” you look around at the building and see how it’s structure is different, how there’s so much more technological advanced things around you.
“Steve woke me up,”
“He’s here?! What year is it?,”
“2019,” you looked behind you and see Steve in modern clothes. Nice bit of facial hair and a clean hair cut. He didn’t look to bad in the modern light.
“We’ve been asleep for about 80 years? Bucky we’re old!,”
He laughed at you and kissed your forehead, “Apparently were in for a ride of learning new things,”
“Have things changed? C-can we go outside? No more hiding?,”
Bucky held your face secure in his hands, finally getting the chance to kiss you after 80 years.
“No more hiding,”
——————
I hope this was good enough! I hope y’all enjoyed it. It made me sad writing some of it but I loved it all together!
Please comment and reblog!
Tags- @blackreaders-assemble @vozit @babybubastis @crawlingnightmares @yournonlocalpoc @spideys-wife @mokacoconut @mbaku-babygirl @warmchick @valentinevirgo @here-for-your-bullshit @sexysamsungl @curlyhairclub @thelostallycat @fromlia-withlove
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