On the balcony (I) Pt.1
pairing: Gojo Satoru x female reader
genre: historical, romance, angst, slow burn smut, is that even a thing?
wordcount: 30k~
summary: Y/n gets her heart broken and Satoru figures that as her loyal knight, it is his duty to fix it, and bring karma upon those who dared to scorn her.
warnings: infidelity, biting, unprotected sex, semi-public sex, exhibitionism (?), slight dacryphilia.
date: 15-04-2024
info: I don't think I've ever written this much for just one story, damn... Anyway. So. This is LONG. If you're just her for the smut, and don't care about the backstory (no judgment), skip to the line of stars (*). If you don't like smut at all, maybe just... Don't read this.
Y/n leans further towards the mirror, squinting at her reflection. "Gods, that fucking dress, just why..." She hears a cough behind her and when she looks back sees that it's just her guard, leaning against the doorframe.
"Satoru." She can see him try to hold back his laughter. He coughs again, to hide another chuckle. "You look marvelous, your highness, for a moment I thought a mountain of ribbon- I mean an angel, had descended to us from the skies." She glares at him. "Shush. Apparently this is the newest fashion here. Supposedly the crown prince is very fond of... Accessories." She glances back at the mirror, only to flinch at the amount of shiny stuff draped all over her. "... I look like a Yuletide tree." "Indeed you do your Highness." She glares at him. He shrugs. "Your words, not mine." He tilts his head at her. "Are you quite sure that your fiancé is not a bird? Supposedly they too are very font of shiny things." She scoffs. "Are you accusing me of falling in love with a bird?" Satoru is silent for a moment and she looks over at him questioningly. He looks away. "You never know your highness, he might be very good at hiding it." She rolls her eyes at him, "Right, well if I ever catch him laying an egg I'll let you know." Satoru chuckles and pushes away from the doorframe. "Well, enough with the gossip, I came to escort you to the entry hall, our dear prince Goose must already be waiting." She shoots up from her chair. "What? He's already waiting?! Why didn't you say that immediately??" She hurries to grab her fan and her shoes. Satoru shrugs again. "A little waiting won't kill him." She glares at him over her shoulder as she struggles to get into her heels. "Gods why is this dress so big? What a truly horrid abomination. And I can't even breathe, or bend for that matter!! That servant girl must have been an assassin! I was certain she was going to break my ribs with how tight she laced this horrid corset." As she grumbles and curses, struggling to even find her shoes under the mountain of fabric, Satoru just chuckles at her antics.
"A bit unsightly for a noble empress to-be, don't you think?" The looks she throws back at him could have killed many a person, but Satoru just shakes his head and sighs. "Haaa, fine, I guess I'll have to help you, before your dear prince Duck comes to look for you and sees you like... This." He waves his hand at her general area. She huffs at him, "Stop calling him names! And yes. Please. Help." She grumbles at how labored her breathing is just from this. "How do they plan to have me dance in this construction? I could faint at any moment!" Satoru walks over to her and picks up the heels, frowning at them. "That is if you don't break your ankles first. But don't worry! If you fall, I'll just catch you!" She side-eyes him. "Will you now?" He grins. "No. But I'll pick you up once I'm done laughing."
Y/n heaves a deep sigh as she lets herself fall down in a chair, raising one foot in his direction. "Pretty sure this would count as treason. I could have you beheaded, you know." He tilts his head at her innocently. "But then who will put on these shoes for you?" She tsks at him. "Fine. You get to live. Just hurry up, I'm already late because of you." He smiles and shrugs. "As you wish your highness."
He gently takes her feet and puts on her heels. After readjusting her dress and getting up he pats the dust off his knees. "You know. In this kingdom modesty is pretty important no?" Y/n raises an eyebrow at him. "Yes, I'd argue that they are even more conservative than our own home country, why do you ask?" He grins at her. "I was just thinking that even if my disrespect doesn't get me beheaded, the fact that I have touched your ankles just might." Y/n blushes bright red. "Why must you make it sound like that?!" His grin widens. "Your face is why." She glares at him as she gets up. "Enough with your nonsense, we must go." She stomps past him through the door. He chuckles before picking up the fan she forgot and following her.
Once in the hallway they both automatically fall into their own roles, a noble princess and her loyal guard. Y/n might enjoy their casual friendship behind closed doors, but they can't show that in public. She sighs under her breath, thinking about the constant acting performance that is her life. Even with her own family she could rarely be herself, as they were almost never truly alone, and even when they were, they were still always aware of their positions. That's also exactly why she hired Satoru.
The first time she met him, he hadn't been aware of her identity. She had snuck outside, disguised as a commoner, something she would often do.
She feels a pang in her heart at the knowledge that from now on that would never be possible again. The fiancé of the crown prince, the future empress... There was no way that she could ever play pretend here in this kingdom, it would be far too dangerous.
That time she had run into a group of boys from the academy, real lovely ones too... They had been in the middle of pressuring her to come with them when suddenly, one of them almost flew in her face, before hitting the floor. Where he had been standing was another student, albeit a far more disheveled one compared to the sleak ones surrounding her. The boy's shirt wasn't buttoned to the top, his tie hung loose and his sleeves were pushed up. He stood there, foot still raised from when he kicked her harasser, hands in his pockets, a sneer on his face. "Oi. What are you ugly bastards pulling now? I was already looking for you idiots to punish you for the last incident, but you're at it again?!" The group around Y/n flinches back at the sight of him, only their leader hesitantly standing his ground. "What do you think you're doing?! Just because you are in the disciplinary committee does not give you the right to harm other nobles! Do you not remember who our parents are??" The attacker scowls at him. "Actually, it does give me that right, and no of course I don't know who your parents are, because I don't care. I might look into it if I accidentally kill one of you pests tho, to inform your mommies. Feels like the polite thing to do." The leader unconsciously takes a step back, so that now all of them are basically hiding behind Y/n. She stares at them in disbelief, this is embarrassing to even look at.
The guy in front of her now focuses his attention on her. "Who are you? Are you also a student at the academy? I've never seen you before." She blanches. "No, I am merely a commoner, not a noble." He squints at her for a moment and then shrugs. "Right. Well, off you go. I have some business with these gentlemen." She quickly nods and hurries back towards the castle, having had enough excitement for one day.
Y/n has almost reached the fence surrounding the palace gardens when she suddenly hears footsteps, right behind her. She whips around but before she knows it, she is pinned against the alley wall. Looming over her is the disheveled student from before. One of his hands is pressed against the wall next to her head and the other still buried in his pocket. He stares at her. "Now milady. Who are you really?" She glares at him enraged. "I told you, I am a mere commoner! Let me go at once!" He chuckles and raises his eyebrows at her. "Really, you're still going with that? Please. You're no commoner." She reels at the confidence in his words. "And may I ask what has made you so certain that my words are false?" He laughs out loud this time, angering her even further. How dare that arrogant bastard laugh at her?! Who does he think he is? "Okay lady. First of all, not once have you used honorifics when talking to me." Her angry expression is replaced with a baffled one. "Honorifics? For a brat like you? Why on earth would I do that." The boy in front of her is clearly trying his best not to burst out laughing again, but when he continues talking she can still hear the small tremble in his voice. "Second of all. Look at yourself. You're as thin and weak as a twig, and these hands-" his empty hand grabs hers and holds I open, letting his thumb run over the soft skin "-have not worked a day in their lives." She rips her hand from his grasp and presses it against her chest, slowly starting to understand what he is getting at. A sly grin spreads over his face as he brings his face closer to hers. "And third of all, and most importantly, no commoner woman would ever dare glare at me like that."
Her eyes go wide, realizing just how stupid she had been. The boy in front of her finally takes a step back and folds his arms. "So milady, I have come to the conclusion that there are only several options regarding your identity." She pales. "What?" He taps his chin with his finger in thought. "The first option would be a hidden daughter from some count or perhaps a marquis. However that still wouldn't explain your arrogance towards me. Another option would be some rich, spoiled, merchant daughter. But for that the way you speak is far too much like that of a noble." He glances at her sour expression and grins. "That's why I believe the third option to be the most likely one." She tries to back away when he walks towards her, but her back is already against the wall and the only thing she can do is brace herself. A moment later she finds herself perplexed. She doesn't know what it was that she expected him to do, but it definitely wasn't this. He is in front of her, on one knee, pressing a soft kiss to her hand. "This loyal subject greets her imperial highness Y/n Nerea, third princess of Sarova, and future queen of the kingdom of Miran." Her shock only lasts a moment and she sighs. "So you actually figured it out. How troublesome." He grins up at her. "You made it quite easy, your highness." She stares at him. "You are still being surprisingly casual, seeing as you know my identity now."
The boy shrugs and gets up. "Well, it's not like there's much you can do about it, seeing as you're out here without permission." She bristles. "How are you so certain that that is the case?" He just gives her a flat stare in response. She huffs. "Fine. So what if I am, are you planning to inform my family?" He taps his chin as if deep in thought. "Hmmm, not such a bad idea I must say. It would certainly prove amusing I'm sure." She glares at him. "Enough with this charade already. What do you want from me." He grins at her. "I want you to help me become a knight." Y/n just blinks at him for a moment. "A knight? That is all? But why? As a noble, would you not be able to just become one by yourself? Why waste your wish on that."
The boy dramatically puts his hand over his eyes. "Oh if only it were that simple, but NO! You see, I am the first son of my family, and because of that I'll be forced to take over from my father in the future. They would never allow me to run off and become a knight." He grins as he glances at her around his hand. "That is of course, unless their very own princess demands it herself!" Y/n sighs and presses her hand against her forehead. "Is there anyone else who can inherit the title if you were to leave?" The boy nods at her eagerly. "Absolutely! In fact, I'd even say they are far more suited for the position than I am." "That couldn't be too hard", Y/n grumbles under her breath. "What was that your noble, kind Highness?" "Nothing. Anyway, all that you are asking of me is to request for you to be allowed to enter the knighthood?" The smile he gives her seems a tad too happy in her opinion and she frowns at him. "Indeed, your Highness. That is all. By the way, I'm not sure if this is of any importance, but it will soon be evening and the guards surrounding the castle will be doubled." Y/n's eyes shoot up to the sky and she realizes he is right, she curses under her breath. "Curse it, I have to hurry. Sir... What was your name again?" "Satoru." "Right, sure, sir Satoru, come to the ball next week, I too will make sure to attend just this once. Now I must take my leave." As Y/n hurries away Satoru can't help but grin at the sight of her. "How did she ever think to pass as a commoner, even just the way she walks..." He decides to follow her in secret, just to make sure that she reaches the castle safely. What he didn't expect to see was the princess, who had seemed utterly helpless to him before, climb the high castle fence with ease. Somehow avoiding the sharp spikes at the top and without even ripping her dress, she lets herself fall down on the other side, where she disappears into the shadows.
"THAT SLIMY LYING BASTARD!!" The dull thud of a book being thrown on the floor echoes against the walls. Y/n glares at the poor, innocent thing, just doing it's job. With a huff she picks it back up and finds the page she had been looking at. "Satoru Valorian. That bastard is the first son of house Valorian." She rubs her temples. Of course it was too good to be true. No wonder he had been so arrogant, he was the first son of one of the five Dukedoms Sarova, only the royal family was above him in rank. She curses her own stupidity, how could she not have asked him his family name, what was wrong with her?? She remembered how she forgot of course. He had tricked her, keeping her talking just long enough to make her panic as soon as he mentioned the time. She grits her teeth. Not only was he the future Duke, that other person capable of inheriting the position was none other than Livia Valorian, his sister. A woman. Women never inherited titles in Sarova. "Aaaarrgggghhhh!" She rubs her hands through her hair in frustration. "How dare that sneaky little brat trick me?!" She glares at his name on the page. "Just you wait. I'll make you regret this."
Finally the day of the ball is here, and Y/n is, of course, the center of attention. She has not shown herself at a single social function for over 5 years, so her presence today has almost doubled the amount of attendees.
It has been two hours of fake smiles and empty pleasantries before she finally runs into him. There is no trace of the disheveled, rude brat she met that day. Today Satoru truly looks like the future Duke. His suit is immaculate. Rich black fabric tailored perfectly to his frame, adorned by silver accessories and his hair styled out of his face. She almost scoffs at the difference, barely recognizing him at first, but keeping her composure beside a quick glance in his direction. Next to him are the current Duke and Duchess, along with their daughter, and possible future heir, Livia.
The Duke greets her with a slight bow. "It is an honor to finally meet you again, your highness, it's been far too long." She nods in acknowledgement. "Indeed it has been, dear Duke Valorian, in fact I believe the last time was almost 3 years ago now, was it not?" "It was, yes. That was the last time you attended a council meeting I believe. Your presence was dearly missed. The king used to be much less loud with you there." Y/n chuckles behind her fan. "Father does tend to get a bit... Excited at times." The Duchess laughs too. "Indeed he does, does he not? But in that passion lies the strength of our ruler." The Duke and Y/n nod their agreement, before Y/n focuses her attention on Satoru, her smile falling almost unnoticeably. "Ah, Satoru Valorian. We meet again." The Duke and Duchess look at him questioningly, but Satoru just smiles and bows. "Your Highness. It has been far too long." Y/n squints slightly. "Truly? To me it feels as if we only just met a week ago. The difference in how we perceive time truly is fascinating is it not?" Satoru keeps his head bowed. "Fascinating indeed, your highness." She glares at his hair before turning away. "Anyway, you must be Livia, I have heard many good things about you, but I don't believe that we have ever had the pleasure of being introduced." The girl jumps a bit at the sudden attention, but then hastily drops into a bow. "I am honored that you have heard of me, your Highness. I am very glad to finally be able to meet you." Y/n smiles at her before looking at her parents. "You truly do have a lovely daughter. I had heard many rumors about both her beauty and her manners. I see now that they were true." The Duchess smiles softly as she looks at her daughter. "Yes. We are very proud of her. There is nothing that she has not excelled at thus far." The Duke nods solemnly.
Y/n smiles behind her fan, this should make things slightly easier, though probably not much. "Lord and lady Valorian, I have something that I would like to discuss with you..." She looks down at the floor and frowns for a moment, as if struggling with what to say next. The Duke chimes up quickly. "Whatever it is that is bothering your highness, we will do our utmost to assist you, please do tell us what is on your mind." Y/n smiles at him gratefully. "You are too kind dear Duke, but this is not such an easy matter. Assisting me would prove very difficult for your house, and yet I must at least dare ask it." The Duke and Duchess frown at each other at the worrisome words. "Let us speak in private then." Y/n nods and leads them to the room she had prepared in advance. As they leave she can see Satoru furrow his brow at her. She hides her grin behind her fan. He must be very confused at how she is going about this.
Once seated in the private room Y/n folds her fan and puts it on the table. "The request I have concerns your son, Satoru Valorian." The two parents exchange a glance before the Duke seeks up. "Are we right to believe that this matter you speak of is not an engagement?" Y/n smiles and shakes her head. "Indeed it is not, for while a union with house Valorian would certainly be fortunate, as you know my hand has already been promised to another." They nod in agreement. "The matter I speak of is the selection of my personal guard and right hand when I move to the country of my fiancé." The Duchess looks startled at her words, while the Duke just frowns. "Are you asking us to allow our heir to become your second in command, and leave for Miran with you? Y/n nods. "Of course, I am aware of how ridiculous my request must seem to you. What I am asking of you is to basically give up your heir to me, but please do allow me to explain why I am even suggesting this." The two people in front of her look hesitant, but still slowly nod at her. "First I would like to explain why Satoru is the one I chose, and not any other capable noble. The first thing you should know is that the two of us have met before, although he was at first not aware of my identity. I had heard many tales of his prowess in battle, but that day he proved it when he saved me from a group of criminals."
The Duchess gasps and Y/n almost feels guilty for slightly exaggerating. "I need someone who I can trust to protect me, not only in the physical sense, although your son is clearly capable of that as well. What I need is someone who can stand alongside me both in the social and political world, and for that, they must be well-versed in the ways of the high nobility and from a powerful family." The Duke frowns but nods understandingly. "I understand what you are saying, but why our son specifically? As you must well know most of the other Dukedoms also have sons of a fitting age and with suitable skill sets." Y/n shakes her head. "I have done a lot of research the past few years, and none of them compare. Then of course, there is the fact that Satoru has already saved my life, but most of all, it is the fact that your family has the best second option for an heir." The Duke looks at her very confused." Could you explain what you mean by that, your highness? Are you perhaps referring to my nephew? He might be quite bright but-" Y/n shakes her head again. ”My most important thought during my research was that my decision could in no way weaken any of the houses, and house Valorian was my first choice, because you-", she looks over at the Duchess, before looking back at the Duke, "-have Livia."
For a moment they are both silent, but then they both speak up. "What are you saying your highness?", the Duke exclaims, while at the same time his time mumbles in thought, "She is right." The Duke whips his head around to stare at his wife in disbelief. "Dear, what-" She glares at him. "Why are you reacting like this, you too know of Livia's talents, why would she not be a suitable heir?" The Duke is stupefied for a moment. "But dear, our daughter, she is very bright, but she..." "Is a woman?" Y/n asks. The both of them look at her, and the Duke nods hesitantly, realizing that he is not only risking to offend his wife, but also the princess. She smiles to reassure him. "I understand your hesitation, as it is very rare for women in this kingdom to inherit titles, however you should know that it is in no way against the law." The Duchess throws the Duke a look. "So you say, your Highness." The Duke almost seems to wince a bit but still speaks up. "While that may be true, it is extremely unconventional, not to mention dangerous. Who is to say how many struggles our daughter will face that she otherwise would not." Y/n thinks for a moment before she speaks again. "I will let you in on some highly restricted information, but I trust that you will never utter a word about this outside of this room." They exchange a glance before nodding. "As you well know my oldest brother is currently considered the heir for the throne by the public. However, this is officially not the case. In fact, if my father is to be believed, the most likely future monarch is my oldest sister. The Duchess gasps and presses her hand against her mouth. "Truly? A ruling empress?" Y/n nods silently. The Duke just stares at her for a moment. "So our Livia would not be the first, and when her time comes there would be an empress?" Y/n nods again, smiling at them both as they look at each other. "Well.. Then... I suppose we have no reason to refuse." The Duke still seems in a bit of a daze as he says that. "That is, unless either of our children disagrees of course.", the Duchess chimes in. All three of them nod and agree, and soon they head back to the main hall.
"I can't believe you did this to me." Satoru sits in front of her, his expression one of pure disbelief. Y/n calmly lifts her teacup to her lips. "You asked me to make you a knight. You should have been more specific if you had a certain position in mind. "I didn't expect you to turn me into your own glorified assistant?!" She shrugs and still doesn't bother looking at him. "I suppose we both got tricked in the end. Oh well, at least I got a little helpe- I mean partner, out of it." He groans and dramatically flops down on the sofa. "The whole point was to avoid all that damned paperwork, but now I'll still be doing the same thing, only I'm not even doing it for myself!" Y/n rolls her eyes at his antics. "Oh shush, I know you only did it for your sister so stop pretending already." He opens one eye to stare at her, then sits up with a shrug. "Fine. But I'm still pissed that you're dragging me all the way to that horribly boring kingdom." She sighs and looks up at the ceiling. "Believe me I am not too thrilled about it either. I will basically become a throne decoration. An accessory for the king, without any real authority. It's quite depressing really." Satoru leans back with his arms draped over the back of the couch and frowns at her. "Then why are you even going..." Y/n chuckles humorlessly. "In the first place it's to make it easier for my sister once she becomes empress. Even an old-fashioned kingdom such as theirs will have a hard time being openly hostile towards the homeland of their queen. Not to mention that the king will be my husband, so my sister would become his family." She smiles softly." And then of course, there is my fiancé. We've known each other since we were kids, we've been engaged just as long. My whole life I've known that I would become his wife, so I can't even imagine anything else at this point. I have no idea what I would do if our engagement were ever to be broken." Satoru just stares at her for a moment. "Well I guess that means I should get ready to move sometime in the near future." Y/n shakes her head. "I will be residing here until the year of my marriage, so it will still be a few years. Worry not, however, there is plenty of work for you to do here too."
Y/n softly chuckles to herself as they walk towards the entry hall. "What is on your mind, your highness?", Satoru asks from behind her. "Oh nothing important, I was just reminded of the face you made when your parents first told you about my proposal. It was truly delightful." She can almost feel him scowling at her back. "I am glad that my misery amuses your highness." Y/n chuckles again. "It always does."
They fall silent as they near the hall where the crown prince is supposed to be waiting. And indeed, as they round the corner her fiancé's eyes find Y/n immediately. "My love! There you are! I was starting to worry." Y/n smiles up at him. "My apologies your highness, it took me some time to get dressed." The crown prince walks up to her, while scanning her figure. He takes her hand and brings it to his lips. "You look absolutely mesmerizing my love, you will be the brightest star at the ball." A soft coughing sounds from behind her and Y/n freezes before subtly glaring back at Satoru. Her fiancé also looks over her shoulder. "Ah, lord Valerion. My apologies, I hadn't noticed you, did you only just arrive?" Satoru bows. "Indeed your highness, I was escorting my lady." The crown prince's polite smile wavers for a moment but then it's back to normal. "Ah. I see. My thanks for escorting my fiancee to me. I'll take it from here, so please, do go and enjoy the festivities." Satoru nods at the prince, before handing Y/n her fan and bowing to them both. He glances at her one more time, and then leaves to go to the entrance downstairs.
The crown prince watches him go before refocusing his attention on Y/n. "Your servant is very loyal." She looks at him questioningly. "Indeed, he is my most trusted assistant." Her fiancé just looks at her for a moment before turning away. "We should go." He holds out his arm for her to take and together they enter the ball. Everyone watches as the two of them descent the stairs together, have their first dance together, and then greet the guests together. Truly the perfect pair, a handsome, charming, future king, and his beautiful future bride. After they have completed their rounds the crown prince is called away by one of his subordinates for a moment. Y/n takes that chance to flee from the limelight and towards Satoru, who is waiting for her at the edge of the room, already extending a glass of champagne. What neither of them notice is how the crown prince's eyes are glued to the both of them, a scowl pulling on his lips.
"Gods I am so sick and tired of these balls. Why must they have so many here?" Satoru chuckles at her grumbling. "Well your dear mother in law must waste the people's tax money on SOMETHING, right." Y/n groans. "It would seem that she must, yes." They sip their drinks and silently look around the hall. It is once again completely different from how it looked the last time, a few weeks ago. All the chandeliers have been replaced, as well as the curtains and basically all other furniture. The place is massive, yet it is filled to the brim with guests and tables with high quality foods and beverages. Satoru snorts at the sight of a group of ladies that walk by them and Y/n gives him a quick hit with her fan. "At least be subtle about it will you?" Satoru rubs the sore spot on his shoulder. "You know your highness, I was worried that you would stand out tonight, but it seems my fear was needless. Compared to some of these ladies your dress is downright sober. And did you see that cackling flock that walked by just now?" Y/n nods slowly. "Some of these esteemed guests do have a striking similarity with bejeweled chicke- Oop. I forget myself." She glares at him from behind her fan. "It would seem that your bad manners are starting to rub off on me." Satoru just shrugs and grins. "Honesty is a virtue your highness." "Pft. Right. That's very convincing coming from you." Y/n sighs as she puts down her empty glass. "I've ignored my duty for long enough, I should go and rejoin his highness." Satoru raises his glass at her in salute. "I'll watch your back. From-", he takes a big sip, "right here." She rolls her eyes at him and leaves to go find her fiancé. After making another full circle and talking to countless nobles, Y/n's feet are killing her, but she still hasn't found the crown prince. "Where could he have gone.." she mumbles under her breath as she makes her way to an adjacent corridor, which leads to the powder rooms. Oh well, he must have been pulled into some kind of meeting she supposes. She softly curses as she feels her feet throbbing in her heels. She can't wait to sit down in one of the resting rooms for a moment. As she searches for an empty room she hears a high pitched giggle, followed by a moan, from behind one of the doors. She scoffs. Okay, so not that room at least.
She is about to walk past when another sound catches her attention, or more specifically, a voice. She freezes. No, that can't be, she must have misheard. She hesitantly walks up to the door, trying to hear who's inside. Another squeaky giggle. "Oh myyy, your majesty, stop it! You're teasing me!" Y/n frowns, 'Your majesty'?, the king?! It couldn't be! She looks around before leaning closer to the door, putting her ear against it. "So? What are you going to do about it sweetheart?" Y/n reels back, almost stumbling over herself. She claps her hands over her mouth. No. There's now way. This can't be happening. That voice... It's his, it is definitely his, but that would mean... Her initial shock is immediately replaced by bright red rage. This absolute scum! She left behind everything for him, dedicated her whole life to becoming the perfect queen, and he DARES?! She doesn't hesitate for even a moment longer. Without a second thought she steps forward and throws open the doors. The scene she finds is even more infuriating than she could have imagined. There he is, her lovely little bastard of a fiancé, lounging on a couch, arms draped over the back and his legs spread just far enough to fit the young lady at his feet. The girl is kneeling on the floor, her head between his legs and her long red nails digging into his thighs. The upper half of her dress is undone, probably to give him the perfect view of her bosom. The moment Y/n storms in, her eyes meet those of her fiancé and he freezes. The only accurate way to describe the look in his eyes in that moment, is pure horror. Terror maybe even. He immediately jumps up, knocking the girl over on the way. "Y/n! My love! No! Please! It is not as it seems!" As he struggles to re-do his pants and stumble over to her Y/n scowls at him. "Ah, truly now? Then please. Do enlighten me. If it is not as it seems, then pray tell what exactly her mouth WAS doing on you." Her fiancé pales, his mouth opening and closing like some stupid, dying fish. "That's what I thought." She turns around with a scoff. "I will not intrude on you two lovebirds any longer, so please-" she looks back and sneers at him, "do finish what you started." "No! My love! Please wait!" The prince attempts to stumble after her, but he is halted by the girl, who has grabbed him by his coat. "Your highness! You don't need her! You have me now!" The look he gives her is one of pure disgust, as he roughly pushed her off. "Don't touch me, you dirty wench." She falls to the floor with a thud, and her eyes well with tears as she clutches the scraps of her dress to her body. "Your highness?" Her voice is trembling but he completely ignores her. "My love! Please! She means nothing to me! I love only you!"
Y/n has already reached the door by now and she doesn't even look back as she answers him. "Goodbye. Your highness." He crumples to the floor behind her and sobs. "No Y/n! Please forgive me! I will never stray again! Let us both just be loyal from now on! We can both start over!" Y/n freezes, and slowly turns around. "What exactly do you mean by 'both', your highness?" The crown prince flinches at the poison in her voice, but forces out his words nonetheless. "I will do away with this girl, and you send back that guard! Then we will both forget that anything ever happened! We can start over! We will only love each other from now o-!" He halts mid-speech as he sees the rage in her eyes. "My love..?" She scowls at him. "Of course a straying bastard like you would assume that I too would commit such a sin. You should know that my guard has never laid a finger on me. Ever." He blanches. "What...? But I was certain.." She chuckles dryly, it's a cold sound. "Of course you were. I had thought you would know that I am not the kind of person that would do such a thing. I could never hurt the one I loved like that." She looks down at his pathetic, crouching form. "Nor could I ever be with the kind of person that could." Her fiancé just sits there, staring up at her, the devastation clear on his face. "My love.. Please.." She turns back around and walks away. "Goodbye."
Y/n can hear his cries echoing through the corridor as she hastily makes her way to the main hall. She doesn't know what she is going to do now... Where is she supposed to go? What is going to happen to her? How will she explain all this to her family? The thoughts are racing through her head, but at the center of it all there's one thing she knows for certain. She needs to find Satoru, she needs... She needs Satoru, she has to find him.
Y/n is only barely holding back her tears and she is once again thankful for her fan, behind which she can hide the rest of her face. As she arrives at the ballroom, she quickly scans the crowd, but she can't see him. She bites her lip. "Where are you...", she mumbles to herself as she walks along the side of the room. Suddenly there is a hand on her shoulder. It's strong, warm... She turns around with a relieved, trembling sigh. "Satoru." The concern is clearly painted on his face when she looks up at him. "Your highness?" She smiles wobbly. "Aw, are you worried about me? How unusual." He frowns at her. "Please tell me what happened." She averts her eyes and shakes her head. "Not here..." He just nods and grabs her hand, which surprises her. He has never done that in public. Y/n lets herself be pulled along by him as he leads her towards one of the more secluded balcony doors.
Y/n takes a few deep breaths as soon as they have stepped onto the balcony. The cold night air helps calm down her raging thoughts and she lets out a long sigh. A cold shiver runs up her spine as soon as the adrenaline leaves her body and without a word Satoru takes of his jacket and drapes it over her shoulders. She smiles up at him in quiet thanks. They are both quiet for a moment as they lean against the balustrade, looking out over the dark gardens.
Satoru patiently waits for her to organize her thoughts and just looks at the emotions flashing over her face. Finally she heaves another deep sigh and closes her eyes. "I walked in on him with a woman. I have decided to break off the engagement." Its silent for a moment and as she opens her eyes to look at him, Satoru looks furious. "What..." His voice is ice cold. She is suddenly nervous and quickly tries to justify herself. "I know it might be childish or immature, but I just don't think I could live like that.. Of course I have always known that I would never be able to choose my own husband, but I did always hope that I could at least be happy with him and... I can't be happy like this... " As she finishes her rambling she carefully looks up at him through her lashes. "Do you think I should stay..?" He just blinks at her in shock before grabbing her by her shoulders. "What? What are you even saying?! Of course I don't think you should stay!" He lightly shakes her while leaning down to look her in the eyes. "And I wasn't angry at you. I was angry at him." He looks away and scowls, a muscle ticking in his jaw. "That piece of shit. How fucking dare he." Y/n gasps. "Satoru! Language!" His eyes flick back to hers and he looks baffled. "Only you would think to correct my manners at a time like this... Honestly.." Y/n is silent for a moment, then giggles despite herself. "Right. Sorry." He shakes his head with a soft chuckle. "Well I'm glad you don't seem too heartbroken at least..."
Y/n's smile fades. "I suppose... It's strange, but I am not as sad as I probably should be... Maybe it still has to sink in." Satoru lets go of her arms to look out over the garden again. "Who knows. Maybe you didn't truly love him after all." He glances at her as she leans out next to him. "Maybe... Although I did always tell myself that I loved him. He was my future husband after all." Satoru scoffs. "The head can't convince the heart, no matter how hard you try, believe me..." Y/n humms. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I was only trying to fool myself into believing it all this time. The alternative would have been to knowingly marry a man I don't love. I suppose that that was something I couldn't accept after all..." Satoru nods silently.
After a long silence Y/n suddenly sobs and puts her head in her hands. "Gods... What do I do now... '' Satoru doesn't say anything, he just puts his arm around her shoulders and pulls her against his side. She leans into him as sobs keep shaking her body. "I have been preparing for this my whole life... I have nothing else." Satoru rubs her arm with his hand. "That's not true. It may not be in the way you imagined, but all the skills you learned for this, will be useful, no matter where you end up." She shakes her head. "What will my parents think? And my sister? I will completely ruin their plans for an alliance, just because I can't get over myself." Satoru turns her around to face him, lifting her chin with his finger. "If there is one thing that I'm certain of, it's that every single person in your family would gladly rip that man to shreds for you, the moment they hear about this. They won't care that there won't be an alliance. Our kingdom is strong, it doesn't need that pathetic brat as an ally. In fact, they only ever agreed because you insisted you were fine with it." Y/n blinks up at him through her tears, the sobs slowly subsiding. "You're not just saying this to make me feel better?" He chuckles as he wipes away her tears with his fingers. "Well that is the end goal of course, you look horrible when you cry." She glares at him, still sniffling. "Jerk." He grins at her as he takes her face in his hands. "I said it to make you feel better, yes, but it was also completely truthful. No one will blame you for going home." Her lip trembles as she stares at him, trying to see if he is really not lying to her. "I can go home?" Her voice almost breaks as she says it and Satoru feels a pang in his heart. How dare that useless piece of scum. He might just kill the bastard before they leave... He doesn't show his thoughts on his face and smiles softly at her, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "Yes. We'll go home as soon as possible." She nods tiredly and leans against his chest, letting him wrap her in his arms. She is too distracted to notice the fast beating of his heart beneath her hands. Satoru looks down at the crown of her head, taking deep breaths to calm himself. He has never held her like this. She has never been this close before..
Of course he had tried to ignore his feelings. She was absolutely off limits after all. Even now he still feels like what he is doing is wrong, not because of her fiancé, but because he feels like he is lying to her. Is he fooling her into thinking he is just an innocent friend? Has he fooled her into embracing him? He feels a guilty pang in his chest, but he can't make himself push her away. After all, even if his own feelings for her are more than just friendship, that doesn't mean that he isn't still her friend. He still wants to be there for her, and she still needs him to be her friend. He sighs deeply and pulls her closer against him, letting his cheek rest on her hair. "Don't worry. Everything will be fine... We'll be fine."
Y/n blushes as she feels his arms flex around her. He has never embraced her before. It feels so safe. She can't help but nestle closer into the feeling, until all she can hear is his heartbeat (or is it hers?). He smells warm and familiar and she wishes they could stay like this forever. Her blush deepens. What is she thinking? She can't have those thoughts about him! He is her guard! And more importantly, her friend. She dragged him all the way here with her, away from his friends, his home, his family, and now she's using him for her own comfort. What a lovely friend she is... She sighs and feels him shiver against her. "Are you cold?" Satoru shakes his head against her hair, still not letting go. "No, don't worry, just a shiver."
Above Y/n Satoru has his eyes pressed shut. The way her breath had brushed over his skin... He almost shivers again. He knows he should let her go, but she had nestled into him herself... Would she want him to let go? Did she maybe want him to keep holding her? He laughs at himself in his head. Right. Of course she doesn't. That's just his own misplaced hope, get a grip already. He sighs and finally relaxes his hold on her. She hesitates for a moment before taking a step back and smiling up at him. "Thank you. I feel better." He smirks at her. "Who wouldn't after being held by me."
For a moment he thinks she's blushing, but he must have imagined it in the dark because she scoffs and folds her arms over her chest. "Maybe you should go give my dear fiancé a hug too then. He seemed pretty miserable when I left him earlier." Satoru's grin widens. "Miserable you say?" She chuckles. "Absolutely sobbing, crying on the floor, begging me not to leave him." Satoru laughs and pats her on the shoulder. "Wouldn't have expected anything less. No-one knows better how to crush a man's heart and soul than our own little princess." She glares at him. "Excuse you. I'm perfectly lovely and kind." He snorts. "In public maybe. To me? Never." The only response he gets is an eye roll. "Did he say anything else?"
Y/n doesn't answer immediately and when he looks over at her, he has to do a double take. She's blushing.. Right? She is. There's no denying it this time. He blinks stupidly for a few second. What could that man probably have said to make her blush like this.. He better not have touched her, or he would go beat the living hell out of him, right now. She clears her throat. "He suggested that we 'start over'. He would throw out his mistress, and I would throw out..." Satoru frowns at her. "Who could he possibly have wanted you to throw out, you don't even have a- Oh." He understands the moment she looks up at him, her cheeks bright red from embarrassment. "It's me. He thought I was sleeping with you." Y/n's eyes go wide and her face flushes even more. She turns away from him, her hands pressed against her cheeks. Satoru is silently glad that she does, because he can feel a slight blush in his own face. He knows that it's wrong, but the thought that that prick believed Y/n was with him makes him feel strangely satisfied.
Y/n is still standing with her back to him, now furiously fanning her face, trying to get rid of the blush. Satoru grinns. "I'm so sorry that I caused him to think that." Y/n glances back over her shoulder. "You don't SOUND sorry, and you don't look it either." She turns toward him. "But it's not your fault that he believed his own lies."
Suddenly the music from inside becomes louder and they both turn their head towards the windows. "The final dance must have started..", Y/n mumbles and Satoru humms in agreement. "That's the only thing I'm going to miss when we leave here, the dancing. I never thought I could enjoy it so much." Satoru chuckles. "I am aware that you didn't attend many balls back home your highness, but we dance there too you know." She glances at him and smiles awkwardly. "I know that but... He is a very good dancer. I loved dancing with him." Satoru stills as Y/n looks down at the floor, almost embarrassed by her own words. "Is he now." Y/n can barely hear Satoru's grumbling over the loud orchestra. "What..?" But before she can ask, Satoru is standing right in front of her, bowing at the waist and extending his hand towards her. "May I have this dance, your highness?" The blush she had tried so hard to get rid off is right back. "What are you..." He grinns up at her. "Proving that you don't need that prick to enjoy dancing." She blushes even harder but chuckles. "In that case, I'd be honored, but I don't think can take another step in these horrendous shoes." She lifts the hem of her dress and glares at the perpetrators in question. "They're far too ugly to be this uncomfortable too." Satoru laughs and kneels down. "Here. I'll take them off for you." She frowns. "That's not really proper..." Satoru lift an eyebrow at her. "We won't be here much longer anyway, why would we care." Her frown disappears instantly and she smiles brightly at him. "You're right! Alright, then please help me get these things off." Satoru's eyes widen slightly when she smiles at him like that and he quickly leans down to reach for the heels. He swallows slightly as he lifts one of her feet. It turns out that taking something off for her feels very different from putting something on... When he pulls the second shoe off of her foot she sighs happily. "Thank the Gods. My feet were about to commit suicide."
Satoru stands up, after throwing the shoes to the side. "Well then, your highness. May I finally have my dance now?" She sighs, "I was surprised you managed to ask it so politely the first time, I suppose I shouldn't expect you to do it a second time." He playfully scowls at her. "I was on my knees for you just seconds ago your highness, have some mercy." It is meant as a joke but the moment it comes out both of their eyes go wide and Y/n's cheeks flush once again. "Why would you say it like that you boorish idiot!" Satoru laughs at her indignant expression. "Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean it like that. Now,-" he holds out his hand for her to take "shall we?" Y/n takes a deep breath and nods.
The moment she steps into his arms she realizes, they have never danced together before. They have known each other for more than a year now, but not once did they share a dance, why? She looks up at Satoru as she puts her hand on his shoulder. "Why have I never seen you dance before? I know for a fact that you had many willing admirers, both here and back home It can't have been hard to find a partner." Satoru stills for a moment before putting his hand on her waist. "I just don't often meet ladies I would like to dance with." She hums in thought as he slowly guides her into a waltz. "Why have you never asked me to dance before? Do you not really want to dance with me now either?" His face contorts just barely noticeably. "I don't dance with taken women." Her mouth forms into a silent o. Then she looks down and smiles. So it wasn't that he didn't want to dance with her.
"Y/n." Satoru's voice pulls her out of her thoughts and she looks up at him. His gaze is still on her. She feels a blush creep up her neck. The way he's looking at her feels very intimate somehow at this proximity... Suddenly she is also very aware of the press of his hand on her lower back. Not to mention the feeling of his muscles where she is holding onto him. She casts her gaze downwards again. Satoru suddenly switches to a slower dance and puts her other hand on his left shoulder, before putting his right hand on her waist. She quickly looks up at him. "Why.." He stares at her. "Why are you avoiding my eyes?" She blushes and presses her lips closed. She can't exactly tell him that being held by him like this is making her very confused.
Satoru notices her distraction and smirks. Moving her into a twirl he makes her let out a small gasp, before catching her again and leading the both of them into a few quick, dizzying circles. Y/n squeals as he pulls her along with him. He is fast, but his movements are graceful and every step is precise and deliberate. She hates to admit it but he is good. Very good. She quickly gets used to his way of leading and within moments she sways along with him effortlessly. He knows exactly how to lead in such a way that she never knows what's coming next, but she can still follow him with ease. Her breath escapes her in an exhilarated laugh when he twirls and dips her so low she almost thinks he'll drop her. Thrilled at the speed with which they spin over the smooth, cold stones she smiles up at him brightly. His eyes are already trained on her face and she quickly looks away as soon as her eyes meet. Did she get too excited? She must have looked foolish. Satoru guides them into another turn and her skirt twirls around her ankles, making the decorations sparkle in the light of the lanterns. She looks at it intrigued. So it can actually be beautiful, in the right setting.
******************************************
Satoru frowns when she doesn't respond. "Do you dislike dancing with me your highness?" Y/n's head snaps up and she quickly shakes her head. "No, that's not- You're a great dancer. Even with him I have never had this much fun while dancing." Satoru's frown disappears and is replaced with a cocky smirk. "Oh really?" He leans in close, "So you like dancing with me better than with him?" His face is now only mere centimeters away from hers and her breath hitches in her throat. She looks away again and scrapes her throat. "You're already arrogant enough as is. I'm not planning to feed your ego any further." He frowns as she evades his eyes again. Lifting his fingers to tilt up her chin, he finally makes her face him. "Why do you keep looking away?" That's when he notices how flushed her face is. Her lips are slightly parted, and her eyes... Her pupils are blown wide, and she can't seem to meet his eyes. Instead her eyes are focused on... his mouth? For a moment he doesn't believe it, but then his face pulls into a smirk. "Ah. Your highness. If that's what you want I'm not complaining, you only have to say the word." Her eyes snap up to him. "What are you-?! I didn't.. I wasn't!" His smirk only widens at her rambling. He softly grabs her chin and leans in even closer, sending a shiver down Y/n's spine. He angles his head until their lips are only a breath apart. "Are you sure that this wasn't what you were thinking about? Your highness?" He can hear her breath hitch and he has to hold himself back from not just kissing her right then. He takes a deep breath to calm himself, but instead her sweet scent washes over him, only making things worse.
Y/n presses her eyes shut as she feels his warm breath fan over her lips. He is so close... Is he really going to kiss her? Does she want him to? Does he even really want to? She keeps completely still, not knowing what to do. After a moment she feels him pull back and she hesitantly opens her eyes, scared to meet his gaze. His face is still so close... She tries not to stare at his lips, but her eyes keep being drawn to them. A thought suddenly comes over her. Is she drunk? She must be! Or at the very least tipsy. Otherwise she would never show such a lack of constraint, right? She shyly looks up at Satoru. Could he perhaps be drunk himself? Is that why he is behaving like this? One look at his face proves her wrong however. He is far too focused to be drunk. And his eyes... Is he? Looking at her lips? She feels her blush deepen. How did this happen??
Satoru stares at her face. He can't believe this is happening, but he is almost completely certain now. She wants to kiss him too, right? He softly titls her chin up again. "Your highness? Do you want me to kiss you?" He is struggling to keep his breathing calm at the sight of her soft lips, right in front of him. Those big, beautiful eyes of hers are blinking up at him and he prays that he didn't misunderstand the situation. Y/n hesitates for a moment and her eyes are looking everywhere but at him. "I.. I don't know.. I don't trust anything I'm feeling right now. And.. I don't want you to kiss me if you're just doing it because you feel bad for me.." Satoru chokes out a laugh and her eyes snap to him. "Your highness. Believe me, I have felt bad for many people, and never have I offered to kiss any of them. And, while I won't kiss you just to make you feel better," he grins wickedly, "I definitely AM planning to make you feel better." Y/n flushes and a shiver runs through her body.
Satoru smirks and brushes his thumb over her cheek. "I never knew you could blush this easily. I like it." She flicks his fingers away and presses her hands to her face. "I didn't know either. And I don't like it." He chuckles. "If this is how you react when I haven't even kissed you yet, I wonder what other reactions I can get out of you." Y/n's eyes go wide and she smacks him on the chest. "What are you thinking you pervert!" He grabs her wrist and smirks, pulling her close. "You'll find out soon enough." She gasps as he pulls her fully against him. He takes her hands and puts them on his shoulders, before grabbing her waist. She looks up at him shyly and he smiles. "I quite liked this position before." She blushes. "Me too." Satoru shuts his eyes with a painful sigh. "You know. I'm trying very hard to be all patient, and gentlemanly and stuff but goddamn you're making it difficult." Y/n laughs. "If that is all it takes then you must not have a whole lot of self control." Satoru opens his eyes and stares at her. "Oh believe me. I have shown plenty of self control thus far. But now it's basically gone, so I'd not push me if I were you."
Y/n instinctively feels that he is serious and that this is not the ideal time to tease him, so she just nods as he pulls her closer. Satoru smirks and softly grabs her chin. "Good girl." Her breath hitches as she looks up at him. He's so close... His gaze shifts from her eyes to her lips and he lets out a slow, deep breath, before looking her in the eyes again. "Can I kiss you?" His voice is deep and slightly hoarse. She can see the impatience in his eyes, and yet he is still being so gentle with her. She swallows away her nerves and nods hesitantly.
Satoru almost looks like he's in a daze when he slowly leans towards her, tilting her face up to meet him. But just before their lips touch he hesitates. "Are you sure? Y/n?" She stills under him. It's strange to hear her name from his lips, but.. She doesn't hate it. She nods, making her lips lightly graze his."Yes." Satoru feels a muscle in his jaw tick as her lips brush against his. He almost groans with the effort to take this slow, but he collects himself. He carefully tilts her head slightly to the side, putting his face next to hers.
Y/n can feel Satoru's breath on her ear as he whispers. “Don't take it back later.” Then, his lips on her skin, a soft kiss right under her ear that makes her shiver. She feels him smile, before he pulls away and tilts her face towards him, staring at her mouth. "That idiot." Then he's kissing her. The first thing she notices is how soft his lips are. She had expected them to be more rough, but the feeling of them against her own is smooth and sweet. Satoru is going slow for her at first, exploring her lips, and giving her time to get used to it. Y/n can feel her breath quicken as his lips carefully move with her own. Slowly, as he feels her adjust, the kiss becomes a bit more rough. His hand goes from her chin to the back of her neck and he weaves his fingers through her hair, pulling her mouth closer against his. He gently bites and sucks at her bottom lip, making her gasp slightly. He uses that chance to press open her mouth a bit further and push deeper. Y/n's breath hitches as Satoru's other hand moves to the small of her back, and he pulls her flush against his chest. Her head is completely empty. All she can think about is him. Hisbody pressing into her, his mouth, his hands, he is all around her. Every breath she takes is him, everything she touches is him, everything she feels is him. Her heart is pounding in her ears and her chest heaves with her breathing.
As he licks into her mouth she notices how sweet he tastes, still from the drinks they both had earlier. The taste of the wine on her tongue, combined with the adrenaline coursing through her body is making her dizzy.
Y/n tightens her grip on Satoru's shoulders to steady herself, unwittingly pulling herself up and even closer to him, making him groan into the kiss. The deep sound sends a shiver through her whole body and she feels a strange tingle in her lower stomach. She unconsciously nestles her lower body closer into his and the hand in her hair tightens. She feels something start to press against her, but she is too far gone to even really take notice. With the hand in her hair Satoru pulls Y/n's head backwards, giving him better access to her mouth. His movements are much rougher now, Y/n almost feels like she is being devoured, but even as all these new feelings are making her nervous, she can't stop.
Satoru slowly walks her backwards, without even breaking the kiss, until her lower back hits the balustrade. Without missing a beat he puts his hands around her waist and lifts her onto the edge. They're on the 3rd floor, so she's up at least 15 meters. He finally breaks the kiss, his hands still wrapped around her waist, and for a moment they're both breathless. Their panting is loud in the silent night air, and the warmth of their breath forms little white clouds between them.
Satoru rests his forehead against hers. "You have no idea how glad I am that that idiot screwed up." Y/n laughs quietly, still out of breath. "Yes. In a way it is fortunate I suppose." Satoru leans back to look at her. "Are you truly alright with this your highness?" Y/n just blinks at him. "It is a tad too late for that now is it not, after how far we have already gone." He smirks at her. "Oh but I'm planning to go so much further." She jolts and her eyes go wide. A blush creeps up her neck and she smacks him on the chest, where he catches her hand, keeping it pressed against him. Satoru grins wickedly and leans in. "So violent, your highness." Y/n unwittingly leans back a bit, to which his other hand moves from her waist to her lower back. "Tsk tsk, your highness, you should be more careful. Your father would have me hanged if you were to fall off a balcony on my watch." She glares at him, very aware of the warmth of his hand on her back. "My father would have you hanged for many of the things happening on your watch right now." Satoru chuckles. "Indeed he would." He leans even closer, not letting her lean away. "He would probably cut me down on the spot if he knew what I was thinking about right now."
Y/n stares at him with wide eyes, unsure if she should be worried or aroused. Not that her body is giving her much of a choice in the matter, as an excited shiver runs up her back. "What are you thinking about?" Her throat is dry from the tension and her voice comes out a bit hoarse. Satoru tilts his head at her with a surprised, but pleased smirk. "Don't worry your highness, you'll find out soon enough."
Then, still holding her hand pressed against his chest, he closes the little distance left between them and roughly presses his lips on hers. For a moment she worries that the press of him against her will send her backwards over the edge, but his strong hand on her back keeps her steady. His tongue licks against her lips and she sighs as she lets him in. Unconsciously she grips onto his shirt with her hand, making him chuckle softly. He moves his hand off of hers and gently cradles her face, kissing her softly and sweetly. She melts into the kiss and brings up her other hand to place it against the side of his neck. It almost feels like he shivers at her touch, but she has no time to consider it as Satoru grabs the base of her hair and crashes his mouth into hers. All thoughts disappear and the only thing she can think of is his lips on hers and his hands on her body. The lack of oxygen leaves her dazed, but she doesn't want to pull away, the feeling of him against her is intoxicating and the excitement makes her head spin.
Y/n feels how Satoru wedges his thigh between her knees, forcing open her legs and giving him the space to step even closer against her. She gasps at the sudden feeling of intimacy. Satoru is standing between her legs.. The indecent thoughts that force their way into her head leave her cheeks flushed from embarrassment. Satoru grins into the kiss. "What are you thinking about your highness?" He doesn't pull away, so with every word she can feel his lips brush against her own panting mouth. She presses her lips together. "Nothing." The blush doesn't seem to want to go away and she curses her traitorous body. "No need to be embarrassed your highness, I'm probably having far more shameful thoughts than you right now."
Y/n's eyes snap up to meet his own and for a change he doesn't seem to be teasing her. Satoru is looking down at her with his pupils blown wide, his mouth open from the panting and his lips swollen, just like hers. Her throat goes dry and she swallows. She has never seen anything as erotic as him at that moment. And, he is standing right between her legs. She can feel her heartbeat in her throat and anxiously bites her lip, unable to look away from him. His eyes are pulled to her mouth and she stills. His hand moves to her face and he gently lets his thumb run over her bottom lip, still swollen from his rough kisses. He mumbles something under his breath, but she can't hear him over the sound of her own thunderous heart.
He leans in slowly, and ever so sweetly presses a long, soft kiss to her lips. He keeps pressing his lips to hers again and again, never deepening the kiss, just enjoying the feeling of her soft mouth against his own. Y/n's eyes have long since fluttered closed as she lets herself melt into him. She slides her hands up his chest. First to his shoulders and then to the back of his head, running them through his silky soft hair. She weaves her fingers through it and tugs gently, pulling him closer. He groans against her lips and his hands move down to her hips, making her breathing stutter for a moment. His strong fingers dig into her skin as he suddenly pulls her even closer, so very close.. Until his hips are pressed flush against hers. She gasps and he uses the opportunity to delve into her mouth, stealing her breath once again.
All the sensations are overwhelming her, but the only thing Y/n knows is that it's still not enough, she wants even more, she needs him even closer. She puts one arm around his neck to pull his chest down against hers, her other hand still woven through his hair. He must like it when she pulls on it, because he again groans into her mouth, digging his fingers into her hips. Y/n can feel a warm feeling start to pool in her stomach and she unwittingly pushes herself against him, until she suddenly feels something press between her legs. Satoru's breathing falters for a moment as he gasps. She thinks he might break the kiss, but instead he immediately dives back into her, even rougher than before. And now he is pulling her against him. All the way against him.. She can feel him press into her and to her own shock a soft moan escapes from her lips. Satoru's hands tense on her hips and she's sure that she will have his fingers painted on her skin tomorrow, but she can't bring herself to care. The feeling of him pressing into her center is sending a shiver of excitement through her whole body, leaving goosebumps all over her arms and back.
Satoru is struggling to hold back. Her body in his hands, her chest pressed up against him, her mouth on his and especially, the feeling of her hips pressing into him, is driving him absolutely mad. The blood rushes in his ears and his vision is becoming hazy as he feels his excitement building. Y/n isn't much better off. When he leans back slightly she looks dazed, with hooded eyes and her lips slightly parted. The feeling he gets when he looks down at her can really only be described as hunger. He is so unbelievably hungry for her that it feels as if he is truly starving. He needs to have her, but he knows he has to take it slow. Even the fact that he gets to have her at all still feels unreal, so he at least needs to do this right. Y/n slightly shifts her hips and immediately he feels her rub into him again. A groan rumbles deep in his throat. This is going to be the end of him. He tightens his grip on her hips and pulls her flush against him, earning a loud moan from her mouth. He shudders and can almost imagine the heat of her center through her dress. Gods what he wouldn't give to rip that stupid fucking dress.
He leans in to gently kiss her lips, to which she wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. Damn, he seriously can't believe his own luck. He pushes into her mouth and at the same time he presses his hips into her. She moans against him and rolls her hips, instinctively looking for friction. Another groan escapes him and he ruts into her, his constraint wearing very thin. She's now just non-stop whimpering as he continuously rolls his hips between her own. He feels her legs wrap around him and his head almost goes blank. He has to grit his teeth to not give into his instincts to just fuck her right here and now.
Y/n gasps as suddenly she is lifted into the air, away from the balustrade. Satoru steps back from the edge and walks them over to one of the stone benches on the balcony. Not once does he break the kiss, even when he carefully sits down, letting Y/n down on his lap, he. Her dress is pushed up in the process so that it now pools over her thighs, but no longer folds between her legs. This means that the only things left separating them are his suit pants and her undergarments. Y/n is too far gone to even be abashed about it, but she is acutely aware of the warmth of his warmth radiating against her skin. Satoru's hands are still resting on her hips when he presses her down against him, pulling a surprised moan from her and making her break the kiss. Satoru starts to roll his hips up against her, resulting in his hardness pressing almost directly into her. A string of whimpering moans spills from Y/n's throat, as her hands look for support on his shoulders.
Satoru's eyes are glued to Y/n's face as he keeps rolling his hips up into her, greedily taking in all of her sounds and expressions. She is so soft against him and the feeling of her heat rubbing against him is enough to nearly send him over the edge. She moves her hips along with his guiding hands and the sight of her on his lap like this makes him groan. Satoru brings up one hand to thread his fingers through Y/n's hair and pull her lips to his. His kiss swallows her breath along with all of her whimpers and Y/n wraps her arms back around his neck, tugging him closer.
Suddenly, Satoru hears a soft click as the balcony doors open. He opens his eyes and glances over Y/n's shoulder. For a moment what he sees surprises him, but then he grins against her lips. The crown prince's mouth has fallen open with shock at the sight of his fiancée in Satorus's arms. Still in shock the man takes a step towards the pair, as if planning to break them up. Satoru chuckles at his forlorn expression and pulls his lips away from the dazed princess, who has absolutely no idea of what's happening behind her. She is completely engrossed in the way Satoru is sucking and kissing at her mouth, with his hips rolling against her center. A wicked idea starts forming in Satoru's mind and he is barely able to keep the evil grin off of his face. He's going to make that cheating, worthless bastard wish he were dead.
Satoru leans back on the bench, pulling Y/n along with him. He throws a look over her shoulder and meets the crown prince's eyes, who seems to have at least slightly recovered from the shock and is now glaring at him absolutely furious. Satoru tilts his head and grins mockingly. Then, while keeping eye contact with her fiance, he grinds his hips upwards against Y/n. Hard. Pulling a loud moan from her lips. A satisfied smirk pulls on his mouth, both because of Y/n's reaction and the prince's absolutely devastated expression. He feels like he can basically see the guy's heart shatter into a million pieces. It's beautiful.
But Satoru isn't done yet. This is the jerk that Y/n had given her whole life to, and he is also the one who threw all that right back in her face, just because he wasn't able to keep it in his pants. He scowls at the piece of trash in question, before mouthing four words at him. "She is mine now." Then he grins cruelly, before wrapping his hand in Y/n's hair and gently tilting her head to the side, exposing her throat. The prince's eyes go wide as he understands Satorus's intention, but Satoru just smirks at him before leaning down and harshly sucking on the soft skin in the crook of Y/n's neck. Y/n gasps but it soon turns into a whimper when he starts to gently kiss and suck around the sensitive spot, which quickly turns darker. The prince just stands there, trembling with rage, not knowing what to do, but unable to look away. Satoru smiles smugly at the sight of his fists, balled at his sides, before leaning down one more time. He places one last, lingering kiss on Y/n's exposed throat, while staring right into her fiancé's eyes. Then he breaks eye contact and moves his gaze back to Y/n.
The crown prince is frozen in place, his mind unwilling to accept that what he's seeing is truly reality. On the one hand he wants to run away, but at the same time he can't seem to leave, knowing that she'll be alone with.. Him.
Meanwhile Satoru pulls his pocket square from his shirt and refolds the piece of fabric. When he brings up the newly folded blindfold and puts it over Y/n's eyes she lets out a small surprised gasp. "Satoru, what..." He shushes her and puts a hand against her cheek. "Do you trust me your highness?" Y/n hesitates only for a moment, before nodding slowly. Satoru smirks and places a quick kiss on her forehead. "Good girl." Y/n blushes despite herself and squeaks when he suddenly picks her up again, before carefully putting her down on the bench.
Satoru gently guides her to lean against the backrest, before kneeling at her feet. "Is this the position you found the crown prince in earlier?" He says it loud enough for the man in question to hear him, and he smiles at his shocked inhale. Y/n's frown is hidden behind the blindfold. "What? What do you mean is this the posi- Oh. Oh Gods Satoru what are you doing?!" Her hands are reaching for him blindly and he grabs them with his own, before pressing a kiss to them both. "Just making sure that you're even." He kisses her hands one more time before setting them down at her sides. Y/n's voice sounds timid when she speak up. "Satoru.. Are you sure? If you're doing this because you feel bad for me..." Satoru scoffs at her words. "Your highness. You have no idea how long I've been wanting to do this." He makes sure to position himself in such a way that nothing can be seen from behind him, and slowly lets his hands slide up her legs. She shudders at the feeling of his warm hands on her skin, jumping a little when he reaches the edges of her underwear. Satoru looks up at her questioningly, even though he knows she can't see him. He runs his thumb over the sensitive skin on the inside of her thigh. "You don't have to worry about whether I want this. The only question is whether you will let me." Y/n shivers under his fingers and bites her lip in hesitation. "Satoru.. I don't know.. I have never.." Satoru smiles at her stammering, before raising one of her legs with his hand and pushing her dress up, just enough to bare her knee. He gently presses a kiss to the inside, making her breath stutter. "Please? Y/n? I'll make you feel so good." The hesitation is clearly visible on her face, but still she nods nervously, answering with a meek whisper. "Alright."
The crown prince can't believe what he's seeing. Was she really going to let him..? Was she really letting another man.. Let THAT bastard, touch her? He can feel his teeth grind against each other with how hard he is clenching his jaws. Does this mean that he had been right all along? Had she really been sleeping with that man after all?! He scowls at himself. No. He knows she wouldn't do that. It was just as she had said, she COULDN'T do that, unlike him... Deep inside he had known that all along. But it wasn't his fault that he strayed! It was their close bond had driven him to do it! Who was that guy to have his fiancee, HIS future wife, look at him with such fondness?! What made him so special?? He glares at the knight's back, at the back of the man kneeling in front of HIS fiancee, HIS woman, the love of his life.. The prince's fists are balled at his sides. He wants to hit the guy, absolutely beat him to a pulp and pull her away from him. But he can't do that. He presses his eyes shut in frustration. If he were to try, not only would he probably be the one to end up on the floor, even if he didn't... His gaze lands on Y/n's face. How would she look at him? With disgust? Hatred? Or worse, would she ignore him entirely and only look at her knight..? His face contorts. He wouldn't be able to handle that... As he keeps gazing at her face wistfully, Y/n nods her head. He frowns. What did he ask her? Then, as if to answer his question, the kneeling man looks back at him and.. Grins. The knight takes Y/n's leg and carefully hooks it over his shoulder. The crown prince pales. No... Please.. No.. He feels his stomach turn when he sees Satoru bend his head and, ever so gently, press a kiss to Y/n's skin. Y/n's beautiful, soft, perfect skin. The skin of his beloved. He can't look at this! He can't handle this! He whips his head around, averting his eyes from the image that he knows will haunt his dreams. The irony isn't lost on him. He is being forced to witness the exact same thing his love had had to witness. Y/n, with another man kneeling between her legs. Will she moan his name? The thought makes his stomach lurch again and the sudden pain in his chest has him bending over. He has to get out of here! He almost stumbles over his own feet in his haste to turn around. For a moment he freezes, scared that Y/n might have heard him, but the only thing he can hear behind him is a low chuckle. He grits his teeth in humiliation and basically runs for the door, slamming it closed behind him.
Y/n startles. "What was that?!" Satoru shakes his head, his hair tickling on her leg. "Nothing important. Probably just the wind." He chuckles to himself. He'll tell her later. It's easy to picture how she will react. At first she'll probably hit him, yell at him that he's an idiot, and then, when she's calmed down, she will smile wickedly. She will laugh and say that it's karma. Perfect revenge maybe even. She's not nearly as sweet and innocent as she has everyone believe she is after all. He presses another kiss to her leg, making her shiver. And that's exactly why he likes her so much.
Satoru slides his hands up Y/n's thighs and feels goosebumps form at his touch. He rubs circles on the soft, sensitive skin, slowly making his way up, getting closer and closer. Y/n balls her hands against the cold stone of the bench, nervously biting her bottom lip. Satoru's ministrations have finally brought him to the inner line of her underwear and Y/n holds her breath at how close his fingers are. So close to her center. Satoru puts his left hand around her knee, keeping it in place on his shoulder, while the other one keeps moving further up, sliding over the smooth fabric covering her. He takes a deep, shuddering breath as finally, finally, he can feel his fingers softly gliding over her most intimate parts. At the same time Y/n gasps above him and grabs the hand holding her leg, trying to make him let go. But Satoru doesn't even budge, he isn't planning on stopping here. He grins and playfully licks at the side of her thumb, before softly sucking at the spot. Y/n yelps and pulls back her hand, pressing it against her chest. The feeling of his warm mouth.. A shiver runs up her spine. Satoru greedily takes in the expressions flashing over her face, before turning his attention back to the warmth between her legs. He is touching her... He grits his teeth. He needs to calm down.
After taking a deep breath, he slowly starts brushing his thumb over the soft ridges of her center. He is gentle at first, just barely grazing her. She shudders under his touch, her warmth seeping through the fabric of her undergarments. The heat against his skin makes Satoru acutely aware of how little is left now between her and his fingers. It's just a thin, flimsy piece of cloth. It would be so easy to rip it.. He grits his teeth and shakes off the thought. Slow. He's going to take this slow.
Satoru keeps brushing languid circles over the fabric, increasing the pressure little by little, until Y/n is squirming under his touch. He can feel the shape of her folds through the fabric, and with every press of his thumb, it becomes a bit more damp. She's so warm.. So soft.. This is going to drive him completely insane. He breathes out shakely as he makes a smaller circle, right on her most sensitive spot. Y/n's body shocks at the feeling, her leg on his shoulder keeping her from pulling away. Instead she tries to press her legs together, but Satoru is prepared and his arm against her thigh doesn't move even a centimeter.
He tuts at her. "Tsk Tsk Tsk your highness. You told me I could remember? Not going back on your word now are you?" Y/n flushes. "It is too sensitive, and I do not recall making a single promise." Satoru chuckles deeply, completely ignoring half of her sentence. "Sensitive you say? Oh I'm going to have so much fun.. I wonder what kind of sounds I can have you make." Y/n's cheeks flush even brighter. "Satoru!" The indignation in her voice makes him chuckle again as he shushes her. "Don't worry your highness, because while you may not have made a promise, I did, remember? I promised to make you feel good. You won't force me to break a promise now will you." Satoru can't see her eyes, but he just knows that Y/n is glaring at him right now. He grins. "As expected of your highness. This humble servant thanks you for your mercy." Y/n scoffs but then immediately squeaks as Satoru rubs his thumb over her sweet spot. "Prick." Her voice comes out hoarse and Satoru smiles smugly. He presses down and draws a line right through the middle of her center, making her moan in surprise. The sound causes Satoru to just blink stupidly for a moment. This was going to be hell. He can feel himself throbbing. The combination of her warmth against his hand, and her voice... Dear Gods.
Satoru slowly starts repeating the movement. His thumb slides through the middle of her center and he can feel the fabric getting damper and damper as he presses it into her. With every touch he can hear soft sighs and moans falling from her lips, although it seems like she is still trying to hide them. He grins. That won't work for long. Increasing the pressure, he starts drawing lazy circles against the fabric, pushing it to rub into her sensitive skin. He starts with big circles, over her whole center. The increased press of his touch makes her gasp and Satoru smiles. A bit louder already. Good. Next, he makes the circles smaller and smaller, until he is only rubbing down between her folds. Now Y/n can't keep her moans to herself anymore. The feeling of his fingers pressing and rubbing the smooth fabric against her sensitive parts is too much.
The sound of her voice only makes Satoru more eager to discover how loud he can get her to be. He slowly starts rubbing further and further up, until his thumb is pressing and circling over her most sensitive spot. A string of loud, whimpering moans falls from her lips and both of her hands shoot out to grab at his arm. But even with two hands, she isn't getting anywhere and Satoru keeps stubbornly rubbing circles over the sensitive button. The damp smooth fabric is being pressed and rubbed against her under the pressure of his thumb and Y/n whimpers and cries at the intensity of the feeling. She can feel the tension building in her lower stomach and her whole body feels hot. She is going to come soon. Satoru is going to make her come. Heat rushes to her cheeks. She can't let him see her like that! If she lets him do that to her she can never go back. But his arm in her hands is solid and immovable. None of her shaky, half dazed efforts are having any effect. She whimpers, "Satoru, please, stop! I can't.. We can't!" Satoru's eyes turn dark as he looks at her face. Then he smiles humorlessly. "Too late." His thumb presses down against her, hard. Y/n bends over with a cry as the tension and heat explode and she comes undone against his fingers. She's seeing stars from what is probably the most intense orgasm she has ever had and her nails dig into Satoru's arm, looking for support.
Satoru keeps drawing slow, gentle circles over her, working her through her orgasm, until the shaking has finally subsided. Y/n again weakly pushes at his arm. This time he lets himself be pushed away and he pulls back. Carefully he lifts her leg off of his shoulder and sets it back on the ground. Rubbing comforting circles on her knees, he pushes her legs together to make her feel less vulnerable.
Y/n's hands are trembling. This can't be real. What has she done? What has she done?! Why did she let him do that? He was her best friend. And now? What now? She can feel her breathing speeding up, becoming irregular. She's starting to hyperventilate. The realization makes her panic even more, only making things worse. Her hands are really shaking now, her whole body is, is she having a panic attack? She sobs. She can't control it. Her breathing, her tears, her mind, none of it. She presses her hands against her face, against the blindfold, which isn't stopping her tears. She folds over, trying to curl into herself. Her breath comes in gasps and she is starting to feel lightheaded. Her thoughts are raging and she can't seem to stop them. ‘WHY DID I DO THIS?! HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID?! MY WHOLE LIFE JUST FELL APART AND WHAT DO I DO?! I GO AND HOOK UP WITH THE ONE PERSON! THE ONE PERSON! I CAN'T BEAR TO LOSE RIGHT NOW!?’
She is still bent over. Her face gripped in her hands, with tears streaming down her cheeks and her lungs are wheezing to get enough air. Then, suddenly, she is pulled from her thoughts by two big, warm hands, covering her own ice cold ones. At first when he tries to pull hers away she resists, but she doesn't have the strength, so she gives up and lets him take her hands in his. She is still sobbing however, her breathing labored as her whole body shakes with panic. "Hey. Y/n." Satoru's voice is soft and gentle, but it only makes her cry harder. Why did she have to go and ruin everything?! Now she's going to lose him too! She'll be all alone. Satoru lets go of her hands and slowly reaches for her blindfold. When she realizes what he's doing, Y/n's hands shoot up to keep the cloth pressed over her eyes. No. She can't! She can't look at him right now. She can't can't let him see her.. What if he's looking at her differently now? A sob racks her body. Satoru carefully undoes the knot in the fabric, making sure not to accidentally pull on her hair. Once it's loose he brings his hands to hers. "Y/n? Will you please look at me?" She jerkily shakes her head, her breathing sounding raspy from crying. He sighs. "Y/n. Please?" But she again, weakly shakes no, trying to back away from him.
Satoru frowns and sits back, before suddenly reaching forward and picking her up. Y/n yelps, as he takes her in his arms, and sits back on the bench, putting her sideways on his lap. She struggles a bit at first, trying to get back up, but Satoru isn't having it, his grip on her not giving one bit. She feels too weak to fight back much, and slowly, as he holds her pressed close against his chest, her breathing and sobbing start to calm down. Even still, she can't bring herself to look at him and doesn't let go of the blindfold. Satoru waits patiently for her to relax a bit. Looking down at her face, he can still see her chin quivering as she tries to stop crying. What could she possibly be so upset about? What is she so scared of? He reaches for her face to brush away her tears. "Y/n? Please tell me what's wrong?" She hiccups and softly shakes her head, still not wanting to look at him. Satoru frowns and is finally done waiting. With one hand he grabs both of her wrists and pulls them back, making the blindfold fall down on her lap. The sight of her eyes sends a jolt through his heart, because Y/n looks completely devastated. He presses his hand to her cheek as he frowns in concern. "Y/n, what is it? Please tell me what's wrong?" Y/n's lip wobbles and her eyes gleam with more tears as she looks up at him. He has never seen her this scared, this vulnerable before. He hates it.
When Y/n first opens her mouth, no sound comes out, and as soon as it does, it's hoarse and raw from the crying. Her voice is so soft that Satoru almost can't hear her. "Are you going to leave?" He looks down at her silently for a moment, blinking stupefied. "What?" She flushes, embarrassed, but still repeats her question. "Are you going to leave me?" Satoru slowly shakes his head in disbelief. "What? Why would I leave you?" Y/n shakes her head. "I don't mean here, not now. I mean, after what we did.. Will you still.. Can we still.." She hesitates for a moment. "Can we still be the same? Or... did I ruin everything?"
Satoru finally understands what's going on and another pang goes through his heart. She thinks she's going to lose him and it's all his fault. Dear heavens he's such an idiot, how could he possibly not have thought about this. He looks at her with a pained expression, before bending down to lean his forehead against hers. "God's.. Y/n. I'm so, so sorry." He presses a kiss to her hair. "You didn't ruin anything, I promise. You did absolutely nothing wrong. I was the one who came onto you. It's my fault. You didn't do anything." He rubs his thumb over her cheek, leaning back to look at her. Y/n looks up at him with a forlorn expression. "You promise? So.. Nothing will change? Can we still be friends?" Satoru flinches, but nods. "Of course. If you don't want it to, nothing has to change at all. We will go back to how it was before and forget this ever even happened."
Y/n frowns. "Forget..?" Satoru nods at her reassuringly, forcing a smile. "If that's what you want." Y/n averts her eyes and stares down at her hands. "Can you...Forget?". She looks back up at him, her expression unsure, and... Hurt? "Do you want to forget?" Satoru blinks at her, unsure what will hurt her more, the truth, or lies. Then he frowns at himself. No. Even if it would hurt her, he'd still tell her the truth, she doesn't deserve to be lied to. He sighs, rubbing his hand over his face, while trying to think of what to say. When he looks at her again, Y/n looks almost scared. Satoru wonders if what he's about to tell her is exactly what she's so afraid of.. He takes a deep breath, preparing himself for the worst. "No. No, I can't forget, and no, I don't want to either. But, If it's what you want, then I will. I will forget, and I will act like it never even happened. Everything will be back to how it was before, and I will just be your friend again." He smiles miserably and puts his hand to her face."So. Whatever you chose. You won't lose me. I won't leave you, no matter what." He gently rubs his thumb over her soft skin, knowing that this is probably the last time he'll get to hold her like this.
Y/n is looking up at him, her expression conflicted. When she finally speaks up, he can't really hear her. "What if I don't want you to..." He just absentmindedly keeps stroking her cheek. "Hm?" "What if I do not want you to forget?" His eyes snap up. "What?" Y/n blushes. "I said, what if I did not wish for you to forget... Would that be bad?" Satoru just stares at her for a moment, before laughing dryly. "I mean. It's not bad, per se. But don't you think it's a bit weird to want your friend to remember making out with you?" She blushes even brighter before looking down. "Yes. I suppose it is..." Satoru raises his eyebrows in confusion. "Why don't you want me to forget? Do you want to torture me or something?" The last part is said as a joke, even though it really isn't all that funny to him. Y/n quickly shakes her head. "It's not that, I just... I don't like the thought of forgetting it.. Or you forgetting it." She looks up at him. "That's foolish is it not?"
Satoru frowns, before leaning down and pushing her chin up with his fingers. He brings his face closer to hers, while searching her eyes and mumbling, "That depends..." He slightly tilts his head, getting even closer, before looking down at her mouth and then back at her eyes. His lips almost brush hers and Y/n's breath hitches in her throat. He's so, so close. Is he going to kiss her again? She lightly parts her lips, as she looks from his mouth to his eyes. The way he's looking at her is giving her shivers. She shouldn't kiss him, she knows that, but he's so close...
Satoru keeps his eyes trained on Y/n's face and notices how not only isn't she backing away, she's looking at him... He can feel his heart speed up as he sees how big her pupils are. She doesn't want him to forget... Is this why? He doesn't allow himself to have hope just yet however. First, he should.. Test it.. He looks down at her mouth one more time, before looking her in the eyes, and slowly leaning in, until his lips just barely brush against hers. Her eyes flutter closed. A shuddering breath escapes him, before his hand grips the back of her neck and he crashes his lips into hers. Y/n moans, sounding surprised. Satoru groans at the sound and presses her body closer to him, as he licks into her mouth. Gods he can't believe this. When he first kissed her earlier tonight, he hadn't properly thought about it at all, and he almost ruined everything. He almost lost her. But here she is again, in his arms, kissing him and moaning his name. So she wants him too, or at least, she wants his body. He winces, but.. That's enough for now.
Y/n shifts in his lap and a low groan escapes him as she rubs against him. Fuck. He had been so calm before, completely in control. Now be is throbbing, and his mind is still reeling from the complete 360 of the situation. Gods, and he can feel her body through her dress, so soft, so warm, pressing against him everywhere. His mind goes to how she'd felt against his fingers earlier, and he curses inwardly. Would she be just as hot, just as wet now? The sound that rumbles in his throat is almost a growl, when he picks Y/n up by the waist and turns her on his lap, so that she's now facing him, her knees on either side of his legs. She makes a surprised sound, but doesn't struggle when he guides her to sit down. His hands are still on her waist and Y/n moans when he suddenly presses her down against something hard. She blushes as she understands what it is, but Satoru is keeping her down on him. When she looks up, the intensity in Satoru's face makes her shudder. He's staring at her. And not in the same way as earlier. He looks about ready to just take her. The thought makes heat pool in her stomach. Is this what she wants? Does she want him? She knows that she does now... But then what will happen later? Her thought process is interrupted when Satoru harshly rutts his hips up against her. She moans as his hardness rubs into her. Oh Gods what's happening to her? She puts her hands against his chest as he keeps slowly thrusting up. Her forehead is pressed down against his shoulder as she softly whimpers with every move he makes.
She feels his breath on her ear, and then his voice, low and rumbling. "What were you thinking about so hard? Do I have to work harder to keep you from getting distracted?" A sharp thrust right against her center makes her cry out into her hand. Satoru chuckles darkly. "That won't do..." She feels a soft nip at her ear, and then his warm mouth, sucking at her earlobe. Despite herself, a broken moan spills from her lips. She whines as he keeps softly licking at her ear, sometimes lightly biting at it. He is going to drive her crazy. With everything he does she can feel herself become more wet and sparks are shooting through her core.
All the while he keeps his strong grip on her waist, keeps pushing her down. The pressure of him between her legs is almost too much, but he's not letting go, steadily rutting into her. With every thrust she can feel her dress slip a little more. Bit by bit it's being pushed away, out from between her legs. So, soon, the only thing left to protect her, will be the thin fabric of her undergarments. Her center starts tingling at the thought and she blushes. What is she thinking? It's not like he will actually.. He won't.. ? Right? They couldn't...
Before she can finish the thought however, the last piece of her dress is pushed out from under her, and his next thrust is right against her center. Her head shoots up as a surprised gasp sounds from her mouth. When she meets Satoru's eyes, his hard stare is already fixed on her. His face is almost expressionless, only his dilated pupils, and slight panting give away how he's feeling. He grins at her wolfishly. "What is wrong, your highness? You look a bit flushed." He ruts his hips up against her and Y/n whines. She doesn't even have the energy, or the state of mind to glare at him right now. "Satoru.. Ahh.." She had meant to say it in a reprimanding tone, but the press of him between her legs makes her whimper despite herself. Her eyes are half-closed at this point, so she doesn't see Satoru's eyes go wide. She does however, feel his grip tighten around her waist, and then him pulling her closer, until she's sitting flush against him. Her chest pressing into his, and his hardness sitting right against her, so that with even the tiniest movement she can feel him rubbing into her. Her eyes flutter open to meet his and the way he is staring at her makes her shudder.
"Why did you have to go and do that.." His voice is low and raspy and the look in his eyes makes her blush. Unconsciously, she slightly parts her lips as she looks at him, her gaze taking in his slightly messy hair and his partly unbuttoned shirt, showing his collarbones. Satoru groans at the sight of her. Why the hell does she have to look so seductive like this? She doesn't even know what she's doing but that face she's making is basically just begging for him to fuck her. Satoru's hands release their grip on Y/n's waist, and with one he tilts up her chin, while the other slides down to rest on her hip. Her eyes are glossed over when she meets his own. Her mind is far too occupied with the feeling of him between her legs, to focus on anything else. Satoru stares at her in fascination, slowly brushing his thumb over her bottom lip. If she looks like this now, then what would she look like if he were to- He grits his teeth, trying to suppress his treacherous thoughts, but the feeling of her pressing down on him, and the sight of her flushed face.. Gods he wants to fuck her. Rip those clothes off and sink into her. Make her scream as he pushes himself to the hilt. He just knows that the face she'll make will be beautiful. He clenches his jaw. He wants to have her, but.. Will she let him?
Y/n's eyes are still dazed when Satoru softly presses his lips to hers, and she automatically parts hers for him. A smug grin tugs on his lips as he pulls her face closer. So good for him. He kisses her gently at first, but within moments they are both panting. Satoru unconsciously starts to rut up into her again, almost instinctively. Y/n loudly moans into the kiss, and he swallows the sound as he crashes his lips into hers even harder. Y/n's hips rock from the force of his thrusts and he moves his hands to her hips to keep her pressed flush against him. A stream of whimpers sounds against Satoru's mouth as he keeps rubbing into her. She resists a bit at first, trying to move her hips away from him, but soon she leans into his thrusts as her orgasm keeps getting closer. Satoru grits his teeth against the waves of pleasure washing over him, with every stroke against her center. He has never had this much trouble controlling himself before, but just the feeling of Y/n rocking her hips against him, is pushing him dangerously close to the edge. He groans and grips her hips, guiding her to glide her up and down his length. He's pressing her flush against him, so that her sensitive button is rubbed into him over and over. Y/n's moans sound against his lips as she completely gives herself over to him. The feeling of his hard length pressing right between her folds, and his strong hands moving her against him, are making her core throb with need. She can feel the pressure building as heat and pleasure flood her body. His mouth on hers makes it hard to breath and the lack of oxygen is making her dizzy, which only makes the feeling of her approaching orgasm even more intense. She wraps her arms around his neck to pull him closer, pressing her chest to his as he keeps moving her hips, pushing her closer and closer to the edge. His hands pull her over him faster and faster, until finally, he thrusts his own hips up, and Y/n's eyes roll back as she comes. A string of broken whimpers spilling from her lips as she falls against his chest, with waves of pleasure shuddering through her body. Satoru wraps his arms around her and holds her close until her orgasm subsides.
Y/n is pretty sure she almost blacked out just now. Her orgasms have never been this intense before.. Her head is laying on Satoru's shoulder as he presses soft kisses to her temple, while weaving his fingers through her hair. She shuts her eyes from how nice it feels. He can be so gentle.. But that thought is shattered instantly when he speaks up. "Y/n." His voice is rough and low and the sound of it sends a spark straight to her core. She opens her eyes to look at him. The intensity of his gaze makes her shudder. He slowly pushes a lock of her hair behind her ear, before taking her face in his hand. "Y/n. Take them off." She freezes in his arms. "What?" His eyes don't leave hers for even a second. "Your undergarments. Take them off." Y/n can feel her face turn bright red and her voice is squeaky when it finally comes out. "You want me, to take them off?" A smirk pulls on Satoru's lips. "Or I can do it for you." She flushes even deeper. "Why.... Do you want them off?" Satoru slightly tilts his head at her, still half smiling. "You know exactly why." He slides one of his hands under her dress and up her bare leg, until his fingers are pressed against the drenched fabric covering her center. Satoru grins as Y/n whines at his touch,but then his smile disappears and he stares at her expressionlessly. "So. If you don't want this. I suggest you get up, and return to your chambers."
Y/n flinches and pales under his gaze, realizing that he is giving her a chance to back out. One last chance. If she doesn't walk away now, she knows how it will end. Her throat goes dry but she isn't sure if it's because of fear or arousal. Maybe it's both. She tries to think rationally, but her brain is so foggy.. She wants him so badly, but what will happen after? What will happen to them? "Y/n." Satoru's voice is a low warning. She has to decide right now. Y/n clenches her teeth and slowly, unwraps her arms from around his neck, putting her hands against his chest. She pushes herself away from him and carefully climbs off of his lap. All the while, Satoru keeps his eyes trained on her, trying to hold himself back from grabbing her and pulling her back. He almost scowls at himself. Why did he ever think she would stay? Y/n stands in front of him, meeting his gaze, although she seems to struggle with it. She takes a step back and Satoru grits his teeth. Fuck he's such an idiot for thinking she'd give herself to him. A sharp pain shoots through his chest at the thought of her leaving him behind like this. He balls his hands, which are now empty, in fists at his sides. He's about to avert his eyes, unable to keep looking at her, but then, Y/n reaches down for the hem of her dress, and Satoru freezes. There's no way.. He notices her downcast eyes, the blush on her cheeks, and her lips, which are pressed tightly together. He chuckles softly in disbelief. She's not leaving.
Slowly, Y/n move her hands under her dress, hooking her fingers behind the string which is keeping her undergarments tied around her waist. She can feel her chest flush with embarrassment as she pulls it loose and lets it fall to her feet, which are still hidden under the layers of her dress. Carefully, she steps forward, out of the piece of clothing, and towards Satoru. She's acutely aware of how close he is, and of the fact that now, there is nothing left covering her. With great effort, she manages to force her eyes up to meet his. The wolfish look on his face is enough to make her knees feel weak and she is tempted to take a step back again. But before she can move, his hands are around her waist and he's pulling her towards him, until she's standing between his knees. Her heart is beating like crazy and the heat of his hands feels like it's burning right through her dress. Is she really going to do this? Satoru's gaze has her frozen in place, and even though she wants to, she can't seem to look away from him. His breathing is shallow, just like hers, and she imagines her own pupils must be just as wide as his. His thumbs rub her sides over the fabric of her dress. "Are you certain?" It sounds like he's almost forcing out the words.
Y/n hesitates for a moment but nods. She knows she shouldn't do this, shouldn't want this, but... She does. She does want this, she wants him. Looking down at him like this, with his soft hair, perfect face and amazing body, of which she had only ever seen glimpses so far. She swallows nervously. If those few glimpses were anything to go by... "Y/n." His voice pulls her from her thoughts and her gaze moves from his chest to his eyes. Satoru has an insufferably smug grin plastered on his face. "You'll see it soon enough, don't worry." She feels her cheeks flush with embarrassment and indignation. That arrogant little... But her annoyance disappears in a flash when his hands pull on her waist again. "Sit down." His voice is low and quiet, but it's somehow still so commanding that without a second thought, she climbs back onto his lap.
Only a moment later she is met with the realisation of what exactly that means for her. She blushes furiously as she tries to fold her dress under her, in an attempt to have something, anything, keep her from sitting on his lap completely bare. But with one hand Satoru grabs both of her wrists and pulls them away. With the other, he tugs the dress from under her, making her squeak, while trying to struggle free of his grip. He tuts. "No no, your highness. No more hiding away from me." She glares at him. "That is easy for you to say. You are still fully dressed." Satoru raises an eyebrow at her with an amused smile. "Oh. Is that the issue? Well I was planning on taking care of that soon enough, but if you would prefer for me to get naked right now instead, I won't complain." He grins at her shocked expression before bringing her hands to his chest. "Go ahead." Y/n blinks at him completely taken aback. "What?" He tilts his head at her in fake confusion. "You wanted me to get naked, did you not? So help me undress. Or do you not know how?" Y/n flushes, both from annoyance, as well as the prospect of undressing him. "Do not mock me." She nervously chews on her bottom lip, before reaching for the highest button of his shirt. Her fingers tremble slightly, making it far more difficult than it should have been. Every now and then, her nails accidentally graze his skin, and she thinks she can hear his breath hitch a bit. Then, finally, she undoes the last button and lets his shirt fall open.
Y/n's breath catches in her throat as she looks at him. Has he always looked like this? Her lips slightly part looking at the muscles in his chest and stomach. How in the world did he become so strong? Of course she knew that he was a knight, but was this normal? Her eyes shoot up to meet him. "Do all knights look like this?" Satoru's smug expression is immediately replaced by a suspicious glare. "Why do you want to know that?" Y/n blinks up at him innocently. "Just for reference." Satoru is silent for a moment, before averting his eyes with a pout. "Not all of them. But some." He sneers at the twinkle in her eyes. "Don't go getting any weird ideas now your highness." Y/n grins wickedly. "Of course not. I wouldn't dare. Say, where do the knights usually train again? " Satoru lets out an annoyed growl and catches her wrists in his. "Don't you dare Y/n." She smiles sweetly. "Why not, no harm in looking now is there?" Satoru scowls at her. "Why would you go and look at them, when you can look at me anytime you want? I'm by far the prettiest you know." Y/n blushes as he puts her hands against his bare chest and leans in close, grinning seductively. "And. I'll also let you touch me, anytime you want. So don't bother with them."
Y/n can barely think over the sound of her heartbeat in her ears. His skin is so soft under her hands, but at the same time, his chest is so hard. Would his whole body feel like this... The thought sends even more blood rushing to her face as her eyes move further and further south. Satoru grins above her, and slowly, slides her hands over his skin, from his chest, down to his stomach, where he lets go of her wrists. Fascinated, Y/n traces the muscles with her fingers, feeling him shiver under her touch. She looks up curiously. "Is this sensitive?" Satoru is looking down at her with a tight smile. "Yes." She tilts her head. "Good sensitive or bad sensitive? " He grits his teeth. "Good." She grins happily. "Perfect." She bends back down and continues tracing the lines of his abdomen, her nails softly scraping against his skin. He groans and his hands shoot up to catch hers. "How about you touch me later? Hm?" Y/n pouts. "I thought you said I could touch you anytime? Should I go ask one of the other knights after all?" Satoru scowls at her as he lets go of her hands. With a deep sigh he leans back, draping his arms over the back of the bench, making the muscles in his sides pull taut. "Fine. Do as you wish. But don't blame me for the consequences."
Y/n's fingers stop in their path over his skin and she frowns at him. "Why did that sound like a threat?" Satoru shrugs, his eyes closed. "Not a threat. Just a warning." Y/n scoffs before turning her attention back to his body. It's truly mesmerizing.. She drags her fingers up from his stomach to his chest, following the shadows cast by the lanterns. Her fingertips lightly slide over his collarbone, then follow the muscles to his shoulder, his arm and finally his hand. She mumbles, half to herself. "I never noticed, but you have very pretty hands. Long fingers too." Satoru smiles lazily, his eyes still closed. "Want to see what I can do with them?" He suggestively wiggles his fingers at her. A slight blush appears on her cheeks but she just swats at his digits. Satoru chuckles softly as she moves her hands back to his stomach.
"You know, if you go a bit lower, there's something even harder." Y/n gasps in disbelief at his crudeness. "Satoru!" The man in question just shrugs and smirks. "I'm just saying." Y/n glares at him, before reaching out to brush her fingers over his lower stomach. Frowning, she murmurs to herself. "There's no way it's harder..." A low chuckle sounds above her. "Only one way to find out princess." She glares at his face, before her eyes wander to his lap. It had felt very hard against her before.. The tips of her ears feel warm when she thinks back at the feeling. She frowns. But could it really be even harder than his stomach? Her hand hovers over his belt. Should she just find out? He did tell her she could undress him.. Encouraged it even. Her frown deepens, but her fingers trail closer and closer to the glasp. Why is she so curious about this? Is it just the general subject that's fascinating to her, or is it that she wants to see him specifically? The flush on her cheeks makes her thankful that Satoru still has his eyes closed. She looks up at his face one more time, working up the courage to ask.
"... Is it okay if I take this off?" Satoru's body tenses up beneath her, and for a moment he is silent. "Of course. I already told you you could." His voice sounds a bit strained, but when her hands start undoing his belt, he makes no move to stop her. Her fingers make quick work of the thing, as well as the buttons of his trousers, until she's able to fold it away from his hips. For a moment she just stares. She can only see the bulge for now of course, but isn't it a bit big? She had always assumed mens' members would be around the length of her hand, but.. She glances up. Satoru is still leaning back, still not looking at her, although she can see the tension in his stomach. She moves her eyes back to her hands. Would it be okay if she touched him? She flushes at the thought, but right now her intrigue is stronger than her embarrassment. She wants to see exactly how big he is. Feel if it's actually that hard. Her blush deepens as she reaches out with her hand. Is she really going to touch him? Of course, it's not like it should be much worse than all the other things they've done tonight.. But so far, Satoru has been the one doing the touching, not the other way around. She shakes off her worries. Either way, she had literally already had an orgasm on his lap as well as on his fingers, this was practically innocent in comparison. Slowly, carefully, sge lays her hand over him.
Satoru's whole body freezes beneath her, but Y/n doesn't even notice. All she can focus on is the heat of him against her palm. How can it possibly be this hot? It's practically glowing! She slides her hand down over the fabric, lining the bottom of her hand up with the start of him. She stares at the length still sticking out above the tips of her fingers. It really is big... Intrigued, she runs her hand over him, feeling slight ridges through the fabric of his drawers. Those must be the veins. She's seen pictures before in her anatomy books, but she never imagined that even the veins would feel this hard. She experimentally folds her hand around him, as far as the fabric allows. Satoru was right, it truly is basically solid. She squeezes softly, marveling at the feeling. It's pulsing. She can literally feel it pulse against her skin. She's sliding her hand down, wanting to feel the base, when suddenly, Satorus's hand is wrapped around her wrist. Gripping it, really. "Y/n." His voice is low, tense, and the way he says her name sounds a lot like a warning. Her gaze shoots up to his face. His eyes are open now, a muscle is ticking in his jaw, and his chest is rising and falling rapidly. "You should stop." The words are being forced out through his teeth as he stares at her pointedly, squeezing her wrist. She blinks up at him silently for a moment. "Do you want me to stop?" A strangled groan. "Of course not." She frowns. "Then why..?" Satoru presses his eyes shut in frustration, her hand still folded over him. "Because if you don't, I might just get a little bit too excited. And you aren't ready yet."
Y/n pales. Oh. That's what he meant. She looks down at their hands, at his length, and has to swallow hard. How will it feel.. Having him inside of her? She blushes furiously at the image. Wait.. Would it even fit? She frowns. But.. It would probably feel good. Everything he had done so far had felt good. Her gaze glides up over his body, over all of the perfectly sculpted muscles. Gods, she still can't believe that this is really Satoru. And the fact that this was who she had been kissing all night.. Heat pools in her stomach at the thought. Was she really going to have sex with him? With her best friend? She frowns. Would she really have gone as far as she had, if she only saw him as a friend? She shakes her head. Of course not. A nervous feeling starts in her chest. Does that mean that she has feelings for him? And if so, should she really do this? What if he doesn't feel the same.. What if he has no issues having sex with people he just sees as friends... She glances at his hand on hers. Even so... She can't stop anymore right now. She looks up at Satoru, meeting his eyes. If spending the night with him is a mistake, then she is willing to make that mistake. She'll just learn from it later.
"What if I am ready?" Satoru frowns at her. "What?" Y/n blushes, but doesn't avert her eyes. "You said that I should stop, because otherwise you might do something that I am not yet ready for. But I am. I'm ready." Satoru's grip on her tightens slightly for a moment. He shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath through his nose, before looking at her again." Y/n, half my blood is occupied right now, so I have very little brain capacity left. If you want to tease me, now is not the best time." Y/n bristles and glares at him indignantly. "I was not teasing you. I meant it. But since you clearly are incapable of taking me seriously, I take it back." She lets go of him and pulls her wrist from his grasp. "I hope you have fun by yourself. I shall return to my chambers." She starts to push away from him, but suddenly both of his hands are wrapped around her underarms. She looks up, planning to snap at him, but the hungry look in his eyes shuts her up. "You meant it?" She wants to curse at him, but the only thing she manages is a shy, irritated nod.
Satoru groans low in his throat and the sound sends sparks through her whole body. His coarse hands slide up her arms, to her shoulders, and then to her face. He gently rubs his thumbs over her skin, as he leans in close to whisper against her lips. "I hope you know what you're doing, your highness, because I'm not letting you run away anymore now." Y/n barely has time to look shocked before he presses his mouth to hers in a deep, slow kiss. It's not rough like the ones before. He's taking his time exploring her mouth, gently biting at her lower lip and brushing his tongue against hers. At the same time, his hands move down. First, to undo his drawers, and then, to grip her hips. Her surprised yelp when he basically picks her up, is swallowed up by his mouth. He lifts her to rest flush against his chest, her hips still raised off of his lap by his hands, with her knees on the bench. He slightly pulls back to look at her before setting her down to rest on top of him. He sees her eyes go wide as she realizes. Even the tips of her ears turn pink.
"Satoru..", her voice is squeaky as she looks down in shock. "Is that..", her gaze moves back up and she meets his hungry, half-hooded eyes. His fingers tip up her chin and he kisses her softly, gently, to put her at ease. "Don't worry your highness. I'll be nice." His voice is low and husky against her lips, and she can basically hear him smiling smugly. A shiver creeps up her spine. She can feel him resting against her. He's so hot, so big, and so impossibly hard. Her heart beats in her throat and her short breaths are making her chest feel tight. The idea that he can feel her against him as well is making her more and more self-conscious. She can feel the warmth pooling at her center, which means that right now, with her sitting on top of him, it'll get on him too. Blood rushes to her cheeks and she's thankful that their eyes are closed right now. Subtly, she tries to raise her hips, if even just by a little bit, just so there will be a tiny bit of distance between the two of them. But before she can even move at all a soft nip at her lips makes her startle. "What do you think you're doing, your highness?" Satoru's voice makes her breath stutter and when she looks up at her he's grinning slightly. "I told you I wouldn't let you run away anymore now didn't I?" Suddenly both of his hands are on her hips and.. he's pushing her down. Y/n gasps as she feels him being pressed right between her folds. "Satoru!" Her voice is little more than a shocked moan, even though she had meant it to be a reprimand. Satoru's hands strengthen their grip on her hips and she whimpers as he pushes her to rub over his length. "What is it your highness?" His tone is teasing, almost mocking. Y/n knows he isn't actually expecting a response, but she still glares at him, though half-heartedly. All of her attention is being pulled to the feeling of him against her. It's hot, and hard and he's rubbing that sensitive spot over and over again. It's making her whole lower body throb with pleasure and she can't stop the moans spilling from her throat. His strong hands keep moving her hips against him and with every glide of him between her folds, more electricity sparks through her nerves. Her fingers clench onto the fabric of his shirt as she holds onto him. The tension keeps building higher and higher in her core, until she's sure it's going to explode. Unconsciously, her hips start to go along with Satoru's lead, pushing back and forth over his length, until his hands are doing nothing more than grip onto her. Y/n's eyes are pressed shut as she leans her forehead down on Satoru's shoulder, panting and moaning, tears about to fall from her eyes.
Above her, Satoru isn't much better of. The feeling of Y/n's warmth, her soft center sliding over him, is driving him completely insane. He buries his face in the crook of her neck, inhaling the intoxicating scent of her skin. Y/n is rubbing into him by herself now, no longer needing his hands to push her. So the only thing he can do is dig his fingers into her hips, while gritting his teeth to restrain himself. Gods what he wouldn't give to drive himself up into her right now, feeling that heat wrap tightly around him, making her scream his name. He groans against her neck. "Fuck. Y/n." His low voice vibrates against her skin and Y/n feels goosebumps form on her arms and back. She can't stop herself from moaning and rocking her hips into him, while they both keep getting more hot, more wet, more sensitive. Small droplets are starting to appear on their skin as the temperature and the tension of their bodies keeps rising. They are both panting heavily, and Satoru can't stop himself from thrusting back against her. Y/n whines as this causes him to mash hard into her sweet spot. She knows that she's close, she can feel it in the shaking of her legs, in the tension in her core, and in the sparks she feels every time she rubs over him. So close. So very very close. Satoru's mouth against her skin is dizzying, with every breath she can feel a tickling sensation travel from her neck to her center, making her pulse on the inside. She shudders, which accidentally pushes her neck closer against him.
Satoru is too far gone to even think about anything beside how warm she is, how wet she is, and that he can't come yet. So when he feels her skin pressing against his mouth he reacts purely on instinct. She smells so good, how would she taste.. He licks a long stripe up her neck, and Y/n slaps a hand over her mouth to stop herself from crying out. The feeling of his warm tongue against her skin is sending waves of pleasure straight to her core. Satoru keeps licking and sucking at her neck, loving the way her body responds. She's whimpering and trembling against him, her hips having completely abandoned their movement. Instead it's now only him slowly thrusting up against her, pushing through her folds and making them rub into each other. Y/n's tension keeps building further and further as the combination of his mouth and his hips against her becomes overwhelming. Tears are freely streaming down her face now and an uninterrupted string of moans spills from her throat. Satoru is half in a daze as he keeps sucking pretty purple spots on her skin. He's dizzy, but everything just feels so good. Her hips in his hands feel good, her moans in his ears feel good, her skin on his tongue feels good. Gods he can't fucking stop. He licks another stripe on her throat and accidentally grazes her skin with his teeth, pulling a loud whimper from her lips. He groans. More. He wants to make her cry more. Experimentally, he softly bites into her shoulder and is rewarded with another high-pitched moan. Fuck, yes. More. He wants more.
Y/n is about to tip over the edge. She feels like she's overheating and the pleasure just keeps building further and further. His mouth is driving her crazy, his tongue, his teeth, his breath against her skin, it's too much. And he keeps thrusting himself into her, every time she thinks it can't become even more intense, he rubs against her and she's wrong again. She can barely get enough oxygen as moans keep spilling from her lips with every single thing he does to her. Her vision is blurred with tears and she's so incredibly sensitive. His tongue against her neck, then his teeth, his teeth are... Y/n's mouth falls open in shock when she feels his teeth sink into her skin, right in the crook of her neck. Light flashes behind her eyes and all the tension suddenly releases, explodes, as she feels herself tip over the edge. A strangled cry is ripped from her throat and she realizes she might actually pass out this time. Waves of pleasure course through her body as she feels herself tremble with the intensity of it. Her fingers dig into Satoru's shirt, his chest, anything to hold onto. His mouth is still on her, his teeth still pressing into her skin, not deep enough to draw blood, but definitely leaving a mark.
Finally, Satoru carefully pulls back, softly licking over the spot to soothe the sting. His hands go to Y/n's waist, and he pulls her to him, holding her close through the orgasm that's rippling through her body. Her center is still pulsing against him, and a dull pleasure keeps coming with every beat of her heart. She just leans into him, depending on him to keep her upright. She's so awfully tired, she can't even feel her legs. "Y/n." Satoru's voice is low and raspy, and there's urgency in his tone. Y/n forces her eyes up to his, even though her head feels so very heavy right now. Satoru gently tilts up her chin, pressing a sweet kiss to her lips. "I'm so sorry Y/n, but I can't wait anymore." Y/n's eyes have already fluttered close and she only hears half of what he's saying. "Hm? Sorry?" She can feel his hands move back to her hips, and she's pulled up, until he's holding her pressed against his chest with one arm, her hips raised away from his. "Hm?" Her lazy brain can't seem to understand what's happening, so the only thing she can do is mutter to herself a bit. Until suddenly, she feels something press against her center and her eyes blink open in confusion. "What..?" Satoru puts his free hand on her cheek and forces her to look at him. "I'm sorry, I can't.. I can't wait anymore." His eyes are hooded with desire and she can see how far gone he is. "Wait? With what..?" Her mind is still so foggy, she just can't understand. But Satoru doesn't answer her. Instead he let's go of her face to move his hand down, and he leans in to press a kiss to her lips. Hmm, Gods, she's just.. So tired. Her eyes flutter closed as his soft lips move against hers and she kisses him back sleepily. This is nice.. Satoru's holding her in his arms, and his mouth is so soft..
Satoru groans into Y/n's mouth when he feels her entrance against his tip. Gods, it's so hot, so wet.. He could just bury himself all the way into her immediately.. He won't, of course. It's her first time and he isn't exactly on the smaller side.. Will she be able to take all of him? The image that flashes through his mind makes him throb almost painfully. Fuck he really can't handle this. He lowers her slowly, so excruciatingly slowly, until his tip is pressing against her, trying to push its way in. She's so wet, so slippery, so soft... He can feel her starting to stretch around him, and Y/n makes a confused sound against his lips, still kissing him lazily. At least it's not hurting her so far, Satoru breathes a sigh of relief before he suddenly groans. So tight.. With every bit he pushes in, he can feel her stretch tighter around his tip, until he's sure he can't get in any further. Y/n moans into his mouth when he starts to slowly circle his thumb around her sensitive spot. He lightly nips at her bottom lip. "Relax for me sweetheart." His low, sultry voice makes heat pool in her stomach and Y/n feels a pleasant shudder travel up her spine. She wraps her arms around his neck as he keeps rubbing his fingers over her. Slowly but surely Satoru can feel himself push in. A muscle tenses in his jaw as he holds back from instinctually thrusting up into her. Fuck. He needs to go slow. Bit by bit he has her sink down on him until she is squirming against his chest, finally starting to feel the burn of the stretch. "Satoru..?" Her voice is muffled against his lips, still sounding absent through the haze of her exhaustion. "Shhh, don't worry your highness, just a little more and then it will get easier." Y/n only moans in response, as the pressure of him against increases. Satoru grits his teeth at her tightness. "Just.. A little further.." He keeps pushing slowly until finally, he sinks into her, and they both groan in unison. "Satoru? What is..? It's so big.." Y/n's arms tense around him and she presses her face in the bend of his shoulder. Satoru can't respond, he's too busy getting his breathing back under control. Fuck she feels amazing. Wrapped around him so tight, so hot, he's actually going to melt. He hisses as she squirms. "Fuck. Y/n. You're going to snap my dick off." She just whimpers against his shoulder. Her entrance is being stretched so far.. And it feels so full.
Y/n still hasn't fully registered what exactly is happening, all she knows is that it's making her feel strange. Not bad, but strange. And even though she isn't familiar with the feeling, her body eagerly leans into it. She wants to sink down more, feel even fuller.. But Satoru's arm is keeping her in place. Without thinking, she angles her hips, forcing his tip to push in just a little deeper. It's just a tiny bit but Satoru groans at the unexpected feeling. Fuckkk. He breathes in deeply, forcing himself to relax. "That wasn't very princess-like your highness", he grumbles at her through clenched jaws. Y/n just mumbles and squirms against his grip. "So full.."
Satoru wrenches his eyes shut. This woman... He holds her pressed tight against his chest for a few moments longer, until he's sure that he's back in control. Then, he opens his eyes and smiles at her tightly. "Fine. You want to be full, your highness? I can help with that." His arm around her relaxes its grip, allowing her to sink down on him a little further. Y/n's eyes go wide and her nails dig into the back of his shirt. Soft, half-conscious whimpers fall from her lips as her walls are being stretched around him. Satoru pushes in deeper, his eyes heavy from the pleasure washing over him. His arm tenses around her as it becomes more difficult to restrain himself. Gods he wants to just push her down, fuck up into her until he's buried to the hilt. But he can't hurt her. He clenches his teeth as he continues to go torturously slow. More and more of his length disappears into her and Satoru can't believe how much of him she is taking. Y/n is whining loudly, with her face buried in his neck, her walls clenching around him. A deep groan rumbles in his chest. This has to be either heaven or hell.
Y/n's lower body feels like it's on fire. Heat rushes through her veins and she can feel her center pulsing. She's being stretched so far and she feels so unbelievably full that she's sure that there must be a bulge in her stomach, hidden under her dress. The electricity sparking through her core is finally starting to fully wake her up. Where it had felt like a fever dream before, everything now starts to feel more and more real. Satoru's warm, strong body that's pressed against hers, his back under her hands and.. Oh god. He's so deep inside of her. Her eyelids feel heavy from the overwhelming pressure in her stomach and tears are starting to drip down her face. She can barely breath as broken sounds keep spilling from her throat. Satoru groans, as he makes her sink down even further and Y/n digs her nails into his skin. No! It's too much. He's too big! So incredibly big, so deep oh Gods. Her eyes lose focus and all she can concentrate on is him pushing against the deepest part of her, and deeper still, stretching her further. She can't take any more, she can't, she really really can't. Pushing her knees against the bench, she keeps her hips from moving any further. It's too big, too full, he's too deep. Her thoughts stumble over each other as her whole body trembles.
She can feel Satoru' s chest rise heavy against her own as he presses a kiss to her hair. "You're doing so good for me Y/n, you're taking me so well." His words are soothing but she can hear the strain in his voice. His arm is tense around her and his other hand is gripping her hip. She stifles a sob against his shoulder, too overwhelmed, too full. He shushes her, still pressing gentle kisses on her hair. "Shh, does it hurt?" Y/n shakes her head against him. She doesn't know what she's feeling, just that it's too much. Satoru leans his head on hers. "I'll wait until you feel better. I won't move, I promise." She nods at his reassurance and finally relaxes a bit, the muscles in her core no longer as tense. Above her, she can hear Satoru take deep, controlled breaths, and she realizes that he's also struggling. She shifts her weight, causing her to accidentally tighten around him, and they both gasp in surprise. "Fuck. Y/n...", Satoru groans against the crown of her head. "I'm sorry..", she whimpers breathlessly.
Satoru grits his teeth. "How do you feel? Better?" Y/n just hums her agreement. "Can I move?" She hesitates, then nods. But even though she tells him yes, her fingers dig into his shirt and she tenses up. He leans his mouth against her hair. "Relax love, I'll go slow. It won't hurt." He kisses her crown and tilts her chin up. "I promise." Satoru's breath fans over her lips, and Y/n lets her eyes fall closed as he kisses her. He moves slowly, lazily, as he explores her mouth, distracting her from her anxiety.
Satoru can feel some of the tension leave Y/n's body as she leans into the kiss. He rubs over her cheek soothingly as his other hand moves to her center. She jolts against him when she feels his touch on her. But before she can move away Satoru weaves his hand through her hair and pulls her face closer, eliciting a surprised moan. His thumb starts to slowly circle around her and Y/n squirms in his grip, her walls pulsing against him. Satoru groans into her mouth. He's so deep inside of her, and the feeling of her around him is making his brain go numb. Frowning, he struggles against the urge to thrust up. She's so warm, so soft, if only she could take all of him.. But she's obviously at her limit already, so he has to be careful.
As Satoru keeps rubbing against her, Y/n can feel tingles and heat spread through her center, the pleasure building with every brush of his thumb. Whining against his mouth, she is incredibly aware of the pressure of him inside of her. Gods how is he so big? She had never even thought about it before, but who would have thought that Satoru could be this big? Her eyes fly open as suddenly, the realisation washes over her in full force. Satoru is inside of her. She's having sex with him and he's all the way inside of her. He is kissing her, touching her, fucking her.. Heat rushes to her cheeks and she pulls away from the kiss. She blinks at Satoru in a daze. How had she never considered him in such a way before? Looking at him now the thought seems unfathomable. With his bare skin under her hands, his flushed face so close to her's, his eyes heavy with lust and his length buried so deep inside of her. How had she been able to act normal around him? Her eyes slowly travel over his handsome face, his strong body, completely in disbelief.
Satoru frowns in annoyance as Y/n pulls away. His hand moves to her hip and he gives a quick thrust up, pulling a sharp gasp from Y/n's throat. His fingers grip her chin as he grins down at her. "Distracted, princess? Am I not keeping you entertained enough?" Y/n blinks up at him with wide, shocked eyes. "What..? No.. That's no-" She yelps again as another thrust follows. Satoru leans in closer, his lips almost touching hers. "Guess I'll have to try harder then huh?" Y/n has no time to respond before both of his hands are on her hips and he's lifting her up. "Wha-?" A confused sound leaves her mouth, but then his hands immediately push her back down and she gasps. Before she can react, Satoru immediately lifts her up again, and then down, and back up, until he's dragging her up and down his length with an unrelenting pace. Y/n doesn't get even a moment of respite as all of her senses are being flooded with the sensation of him thrusting into her, filling her up. Wild sparks are flying through her body, all the way from her center, to her legs and back. The feeling of him rubbing and bruising her insides sending hot pulses to her core.
"Satoru! Wait!", the words leave her mouth in a broken stutter, her nails digging into his back, as he keeps lifting her up and down rapidly. Tears well up in her eyes and her walls ache with the effort to accommodate him. When she looks up, Satoru's face is tense, his gaze glued to her. The intensity of it almost makes her dizzy. Gone are his gentle eyes from before, all that's left is hunger and lust, and he's out of patience. Y/n almost feels a bit afraid when she realises that he won't stop anymore now. All she can do is take it.
Another hard thrust makes her whole body shake in his hands and she yelps. He's pushing in so deep, and he's so hard, she is almost certain that he is bruising her insides, if that's even possible. But strangely the dull pain doesn't bother her, it almost feels good. The way he's slamming into her is also causing him to brush over, and hit another sensitive spot deep inside of her, over and over again. It's different from when he used his fingers. That feeling was sharper, quicker. This feels more like heavy waves of pleasure, that ripple every time he thrusts into her. The combination of that and the vague pain is somehow making her want more. She wants him to drive himself up into harder, deeper, fill her up completely.
Y/n's eyes lose focus as Satoru keeps pressing her down on him, his fingers gripping her hips as the muscles in his arms bulge with the force of his actions. The feeling of her hot, tight walls around him is pushing him closer and closer to the edge. He clenches his jaw as he keeps dragging her over his length, basically using her like a doll. He knows it's wrong, but he can't help it. Her warmth, her soft hips, her tear-stained face, it just makes him want to see her cry more, scream more. He wants to bury himself into her. Fuck her until she is moaning, sobbing his name. He will make her come, again, and again, and again, and then he'll fill her up and start all over again. His eyes feel heavy with pleasure as her walls rub and pulse against his length, sucking him in and tightening with every thrust.
Y/n’s voice is broken and every time Satoru slams her hips down on him, the breath is rushed out of her. Sparks fly behind her eyes when he bottoms out. It feels like every thrust is harder, faster, more intense than the last. He keeps stretching her further, pushing even deeper. Her vision becomes hazy as the pressure building in her core becomes too much. He keeps slamming right into that one spot and every time pleasure shocks through her body. The feeling keeps building higher and higher until finally, Satoru snaps his hips up to meet hers, and it explodes deep inside of her. Her whole body trembles with the force of her orgasm and she grabs onto Satoru's back. She can feel herself pulse around him and a groan rumbles in his chest.
For a second she thinks he'll let her rest for a moment, but then she hears him curse and she's lifted back up. She yelps, still too sensitive. "Wait no!" But her protests fall on deaf ears and his strong hands press her back down over him. A pained moan leaves her mouth as she digs her nails into his back, desperate for anything to hold onto. "Satoru please! It's too much!" Tears fall from her eyes as he keeps slamming her down on him. Another wave of pleasure is already starting to build again, but the feeling is too sharp, too soon. A combination of moans and sobs falls from her lips as his length keeps pressing deep inside of her.
"Y/n." His voice is deep and raspy and her eyes snap up to meet his. But she sees no pity in gaze, only need. He's not going to stop. Another sob wrecks her body as tears keep streaming down her face. She's too full, it's too much, she's going to break! One of his hands holds her face and gently wipes away some of her tears. Breathing heavy, her eyes meet his as he stares at her expression hungrily. Slowly, he leans further back against the bench, grabbing the back of her head to pull her along and into a kiss. Y/n moans into his mouth as his tongue licks against hers, his other hand still pushing her down on him. With one of his hands occupied, she figures he can't lift her anymore, so she'll have some time to calm down. Oh how very wrong she is.
A sharp thrust of his hips pushes him deep inside of her and Y/n gasps into the kiss. She tries to pull away, but Satoru doesn't let her and instead, presses his lips to hers harder, needier, until she can hardly breathe. His hips keep slamming up against her and with every thrust she can feel him bury himself all the way into her body. Waves of painful pleasure wash over her every time he bottoms out. She can taste the salt of her tears on his lips as he presses them to hers. Gods he's going to break her! His thrusts keep coming faster and faster now, and with every snap of his hips it seems like he's trying to go deeper. Both the way he's kissing her, and fucking up into her, seems to get more and more desperate. Y/n realises that he must be close. The thought sends a wave of red hot pleasure to her core and a tingling sensation starts to form in her center. She's going to come again.
Satoru groans against her lips. "Y/n. Should I pull out?" His voice is tense and she can hear the effort and restraint in his words. She should say yes, but her mind is so hazy, she can't think straight. All she knows is that she doesn't want him to stop, not when she's so close, and he feels so good inside. Almost instinctively she shakes her head, wrapping her arms tighter around Satoru's neck to keep him close, keep him inside. He curses against her mouth and both of his hands move to grab her hips. He slams himself up into her, while also pushing her hips down on him. Every thrust is so hard, so deep that he's definitely bruising her, his pace merciless. She whines against his lips, she's so sore, but so incredibly sensitive. Her center pulses every time he buries himself into her and hot sparks keep shooting through her veins. She's so full, so warm and so, so close. He keeps thrusting into her, his hips snapping up as he slams her down on him. Y/n moans and sobs against his lips, the pain and the pleasure both becoming too much. Satoru's thrusts become more erratic as he feverishly chases his high. A few last times he slams his hips to hers, before completely pressing her down on him. He tries to force his length in as far as possible, until finally, he's buried to the hilt. Y/n cries out, while a deep groan rumbles in Satoru's throat as he comes inside of her, his fingers digging into her hips. Almost immediately, his hand moves to her center. With quick, purposeful strokes, his fingers rub against her and Y/n lets out a strangled cry. Combined with the feeling of him in her stomach, the pleasure shooting through her center now is too much. Her body trembles as she comes around him. Satoru moans, softly kissing her lips, while he works her through it. The orgasm leaves her shaking in his lap and all she can do is lean against him.
When they have both finally come down from their high, they stay like that for a moment, completely exhausted. Satoru sitting back, with Y/n laying against his chest, small tremors still rippling through her body. He keeps pressing soft kisses to her hair, while gently stroking her face. Y/n can barely keep her eyes open, the only thing keeping her awake is the slowly dawning reality of what just happened. She tries to lift herself off of Satoru, but his arm tightens around her waist and keeps her in place. "Shh, let's stay like this for a bit. I don't want to move yet." His soft, tired voice sends a shiver up her spine. Gods... She just had sex. She let Satoru fuck her, and he even.. Came inside of her. Her face turns bride red and she's thankful for being able to hide against his chest. Slowly, panic starts to rise up in her mind. So now what? What the hell was she going to do now? Would they even still be able to be friends after this? Did he want to stay friends, or did he want more? Did she want more? Oh Gods what is she going to do?!
She can feel Satoru's chest rumble against her cheek as he chuckles softly. "You're overthinking again aren't you?" Y/n turns her head to glare up at him. "It isn't overthinking if it's justifiable! And it's better than not thinking at all!" Satoru grins and shrugs. "You're worrying too much. I told you, nothing has to change if you don't want it to." Y/n frowns skeptically and he chuckles. "Sure. I'm going to have a very hard time looking at you without imagining you moaning my name now but hey! That doesn't mean we can't be friends!" Y/n's eyes go wide and she flushes. "That's exactly what I mean!"
Satoru sighs and smiles at her gently. "You want me to be serious? Fine. If you want, we can go back to how it was before, it will hurt a bit, but I promise I will do whatever feels best for you. I won't be weird about it and we can even pretend all of this never happened." Y/n frowns at him. "Hurt?" Satoru continues, ignoring her. "Of course, another, much more fun option, would be to to stay friends, but let me fuck you on a balcony every now and then!" He grins as Y/n turns bright red and tries to pull away. "Easy now, your highness. A very precious part of me is still stuck inside of you and I'd prefer it if you didn't snap it off." She bristles, and flushes even further, but let's Satoru press her back against his chest. "How can you even suggest that... I'm royalty, and you're part of the high nobility. Technically what we just did is already considered taboo, and you're suggesting we do it consistently?" Satoru shrugs. "Not many nobles adhere to such customs anyway, but if you're worried about that we can always get married." Y/n's eyes go wide and she freezes, too shocked to look up at him. "You would get married just for such a reason? You should not take marriage so lightly."
For a moment it's silent, and when Satoru does speak, he sounds.. Hesitant, nervous almost. "Believe me.. I'm not taking it lightly. And don't worry, I am not trying to convince you to marry me. It's just... If we must get married anyway, why not to each other? I am one of the few men your age with sufficiently high status, and I would much rather get married to a close friend, than to an arranged stranger." Y/n meets his eyes. He does look nervous.. Is he serious? She opens her mouth to respond, but Satoru suddenly shrugs with a grin. "Of course, it doesn't hurt either that the sex is great. I probably won't find many women able to take me as well as you can." Y/n's frown turns into a glare and she slaps him on the chest. "I knew you couldn't be serious for even a second. Maybe I should snap your dick off after all." Satoru grabs her wrist. "Sorry, sorry, please don't? And I was being serious, but I get that it's not something we should think about right now." He smiles apologetically and Y/n's expression softens. "Fine. And yes, I think we're both much too tired for such a topic.." Satoru nods. "So, what do you want to do, for now?"
Y/n stiffens. Right, she still has to decide. What will she do... She looks up at him. To most people, he would look completely calm, but she can see the slight tension in his smile. So he is scared too... She averts her gaze and presses her cheek to his chest, listening to his fast, steady heartbeat. What does she want... Could she even go back to how it was before? Could she ever look at him the same? Act like nothing ever happened? She frowns. Even the thought is ridiculous. Of course she couldn't. Even if Satoru promises that everything will be the same, it can never be true, not for him, and not for her... The realisation hurts. So she basically has two choices. Either they stay friends, but in a... New way. Or, they don't stay friends at all. They go back home, and stop having any relationship, they'll go back to being strangers. The very thought fills her with dread and she realises that tears have formed in her eyes. She quickly wipes them away and sniffles. Could she handle being strangers? No. She definitely couldn't. And it's not like she would mind having.. 'that kind' of relationship with Satoru.. A blush kreeps up her neck. The only problem is that it would be looked down upon. But, it's not like they would have to tell anyone? Right? Then maybe it would be fine? She looks up at Satoru. "Can we do it.. Secretly?" His eyes go wide for a moment, completely in disbelief that she's actually considering it. Then a smile pulls on his lips. "Of course. No one would know. We will just act as normal in public and they won't assume a thing. At least, no more than they always have." Y/n frowns for a moment, but chooses not to ask. "Alright then... We should probably get up and go to bed? The party is also long over by now I assume."
Satoru is still grinning happily. "Alright your highness, then, if you would?" Y/n rolls her eyes before attempting to lift herself off of him, and falling right back. She blinks in disbelief. "I can't get up." Satoru tilts his head in question and she glares at him in embarrassment. "My legs... I can't get up." For a moment he is silent, and then he roars with laughter. "Ah! Well then. Please excuse me." Still laughing, he slowly lifts her off of his lap, and onto the bench, before rearranging his clothes. Brushing over the many folds and wrinkles, he sighs. "You made quite the mess of me tonight, your highness. I do hope you will take responsibility." Y/n stares at him in disbelief, her dress crumpled under her, her shoes and underwear discarded. "You had better be kidding." Satoru lifts his hands in surrender. "Alright. Fair enough. My apologies. I suppose I have made quite the mess of you too." He grins wickedly at her disheveled appearance. "Now. Please excuse me." Before she can react, Y/n has been swept up in his arms and he carries her towards the door, pocketing her underwear on the way. "Satoru! What are you doing?! I can't be seen like this!" He lifts an eyebrow. "Then what were you planning to do? Walk?" He grins smugly and she smacks him on the shoulder. "You should repent, not pride yourself in your misdeeds." Satoru smirks. "If you so desire, I can repent all you want later tonight?" A blush kreeps up her chest against her will, and Y/n glares at him, but doesn't argue anymore. Satoru pushes through the doors, into the remote, deserted hallway. He moves in the opposite direction of the ballroom, towards the separate stairs at the end of the foyer. This way, the only people they could run into would be staff.
They get to their floor without meeting anyone, and Y/n is almost ready to finally relax. But then, right in front of her room, there he is. His wide, swollen eyes meet hers and he pushes away from the wall shakily. "Y/n?" Above her Satoru makes an annoyed sound. "Tsk. Slimy bastard still hasn't learned his lesson I see." The prince staggers over to them, clearly drunk, and from his eyes it's obvious that he has been crying. "Y/n, my love, please! I'm so sorry! I promise, from now on I will never even so much as look at another woman! So please! Please don't leave me!" He falls to his knees in front of them. "Please! Won't you at least talk to me?" His pleading eyes turn into a hateful glare when he looks at Satoru's. “You! Put down my fiancée this instant! And leave. I have to talk to her alone.”
Y/n notices the evil grin that creeps over Satoru's face. "My apologies, your highness. But I'm afraid that I can't." The prince stares at him in disbelief. "What the hell do you mean you can't?! Put her down!" Satoru's grin only widens when he stares down at the man. "She can't stand." The prince blinks up at him stupidly. "What?" Satoru looks down at him smugly. "I said. She can't stand." The kneeling man freezes, finally understanding the meaning behind the knight's words. "What.. No... Please no." His eyes shoot to Y/n. "PLEASE! MY LOVE! TELL ME YOU DIDN'T! YOU WOULD NEVER LET HIM! RIGHT?! YOU WOULDN'T!" He is shaking and his eyes look feverish, gleaming with unshed tears. Y/n just stares down at him. Not a single emotion on her face. "That is no longer any of your concern, your highness. Now please. I am exhausted, so I would like to retire to my chambers." The prince almost seems to shrink under her gaze, any hope that he had left, leaving him. He just sits there, defeated, unmoving, even as Satoru scoffs and walks around him, and into Y/n's chambers, locking the door behind him.
58 notes
·
View notes
Creepy Carl
Danny is not fond of his parents' old ghost hunting friend that's come to pay them a visit for the week.
For the prompts: Jack and Maddie invite an old ghost hunting buddy (not Vlad) to stay in their guest room for the week. Expecting to catch up with their good ole pal, they're a little confused when this ghost hunter just keeps asking questions about their son, Danny [from @ectoblastfromthepast], and After the accident, Danny no longer has a shadow, and he isn't the first person to notice its absence. [from TheSilentBard]
Fair warning, Danny calls the old ghost hunting buddy 'Creepy Carl' for a reason. It may not be sexual in any way, but he is still very much creeping on a child, and I think y'all should be aware of that going in.
Read also on AO3
[Warning for uncanny valley elements, and (non-sexual) inappropriate behavior by an adult toward a minor]
How many 'old ghost hunting buddies' did his parents have? Danny wondered as they introduced them to one Anderson Carl. First Vlad, and now this guy?
Apparently, after college and before Jazz was born, the two of them had gone on many a ghost hunt with Mr. Carl. Now, he had his own paranormal investigation blog with a pretty decent readership, and he had come to Amity Park to do a piece on the town, which of course meant he needed a place to stay in town while he was doing research.
Luckily, he had a couple of old buddies with a guest room who happened to live right where the action was, and when he told them he was coming to town, they eagerly invited him to stay in said guest room for the whole week he was planning to stay. They thought it would be a great chance to catch up with their good ole pal, but Danny was wary the second he laid eyes on the man.
Anderson Carl wasn't as tall as Jack, as hardly anyone was, but he still loomed over Danny at a solid six feet tall, probably a few inches taller than that. He had close-cropped, dirty blond hair, and dark gray eyes like angry storm clouds, they even seemed to light up with electric curiosity as Danny watched the man, and the man also watched him.
"Welcome to Fenton Works," Maddie greeted him cheerfully. "That's our son, Danny. Our daughter Jazz is out tutoring right now, but she'll be back in a few hours."
"Nice to meet you, Danny," Mr. Carl said, and smiled.
The smile was perfectly ordinary, but Danny couldn't help feeling a sinister chill when it was directed at him. Maybe it was to too-white teeth, or the way it stretched his chapped lips so tightly they looked like they might crack, but Danny didn't like it.
"Uh... sure," Danny said cautiously. "Sorry, but I've got homework to do, so I'm gonna go."
He could feel those dark eyes following him all the way up the stairs, and when he closed his bedroom door behind him, he felt like Mr. Carl couldn't be leaving town soon enough. A whole week of this already sounded unbearable.
The next morning, when Danny got dressed and left for school, Mr. Carl was already awake, and sitting at the kitchen table, typing on his laptop. The laptop, too, was a dark grey, but it had a sticker on it that said UncannyCarl.com in bright red letters designed to look like they were partially obscured by smoke.
"Good Morning, Danny," the man greeted, with that same unsettling smile from the day before. "Off to school?"
"Yeah, it's Monday, so..." Danny trailed off. He took an orange out of the bowl on the counter for breakfast, not taking his eyes of the man before him. "Is that your blog, Mr. Carl?" he asked. "Uncanny Carl dot com?"
"That's right," the man confirmed. "Uncanny is something of a synonym for paranormal, but really the name is based on... are you familiar with the uncanny valley effect?"
"Never heard of it," Danny said.
"The uncanny valley effect is when you see something that looks human in most respects, but it's just slightly off enough to make your brain send out warning signals that it's not human, and you shouldn't be fooled by it," Mr. Carl explained. "Often times, you aren't consciously aware of what detail your brain registers as wrong that's causing the uncanny valley effect, whether it's that their arms are just slightly too long, the shape of their face is abnormal, or they don't have a shadow. Your brain notices it, even if you don't."
Danny couldn't help thinking that this guy was a little uncanny valley himself, but he thought it would be rude to say out loud, and he didn't want to piss off his parents' creepy guest.
"That's fascinating Mr. Carl, but I gotta get to school."
"Oh, and you can drop the 'Mr', by the way," he said. "Everyone just calls me Carl, even though it's my last name. In school, people used to joke that my parents must've but my name backwards on my birth certificate."
Danny just furrowed his eyebrows, shook his head, and left the kitchen, along with Creepy Carl, behind him as he headed out the front door to school.
Between classes, he caught Sam and Tucker up on his new house guest.
"Great, because all you need is another ghost hunter living under your roof," Sam said sardonically.
"I know, right?" Danny agreed. "At least this one's only staying until Saturday, but he's already creeping me out. I feel like he's constantly watching me whenever we're both in a room together. It's weird."
"Do you think he noticed something about you?" Tucker asked. "I mean, you don't know anything about this guy. What if he's actually a better ghost hunter than your parents?"
"It's not hard to be," Sam scoffed.
Danny ignored her, choosing instead to answer Tucker's question. "I'm not sure, but... maybe? He was talking about something called the uncanny valley effect, which he explained as being able to recognize when something that looked human wasn't, I guess. Something like that, anyway. He was just explaining the name of his blog, but he might've meant it as a warning that he was onto me.
"If you ask me, he's the uncanny valley one, though."
—
Jack and Maddie had been excited to show their old friend around their (relatively) new lab, especially the Fenton Ghost Portal. Carl seemed suitably interested in all of it, and he listened as they caught him up on their lives since he'd parted ways with the couple, but the whole time he seemed a bit... distracted.
Back when they were fresh college graduates, Carl had been an eager note-taker, his pencil hardly stilling on the pad of yellow lined paper he always carried with him. But now, he was hardly taking any notes at all. Even when he was staring at the portal between this world and the next, he only scribbled down a few sentences before twirling his pencil idly between his fingers.
They asked him about what he'd been up to since they last saw him, and he told them, but he was remarkably brief. He mentioned that he'd gone solo for a bit before deciding to start a blog, and he'd been running that ever since, writing the occasional opinion piece for local newspaper to get some supplemental income.
He'd finished talking about himself in under a minute, and even when asked, he didn't seem keen to elaborate on any particular investigation of his over the last sixteen years. All he said was that they could read about it all on his blog.
That wasn't the end of his strange behavior, because the next thing he asked about was Danny.
Jack and Maddie were of course very eager to brag about their kids, especially Jazz, but when they started to do so, Carl said they were getting off track, and he was really curious about Danny.
He asked them how old Danny was, if he was at all reclusive, or short-tempered, if they'd ever noticed him acting particularly odd or cagey.
They answered of course, seeing no reason not to. Carl was their friend after all, and they trusted that he didn't have any bad intentions when it came to their son—and if he did, they wouldn't hesitate to beat his ass and hand him over to the police—but surely he didn't. They were still confused though. Especially because, since the conversation turned to Danny, Carl's pencil hadn't stopped moving even once.
"What's with all the questions about Danny?" Jack asked. "I thought you came here to investigate ghosts."
"Oh, no real reason," Carl replied with a casual shrug. "Just... a bit of a hunch. I won't bother you with it unless I happen to find proof." Then he asked, "Have you even noticed that the air feels colder around Danny, or that standing next to him gives you an uncomfortable buzzing sensation under your skin?"
It was a odd question... but even odder was that neither Jack nor Maddie were actually sure of the answer. They worked with ghosts all the time so of course they felt sensations like that, but... neither could remember if they'd felt them around Danny... nor could they say for sure that they hadn't.
As Carl continued his line of questioning, a feeling of disquiet settled in on top of their confusion. After a point, they asked if he might want to hear about some of the recent ghost incidents around town, rather than just spending all day talking about their fourteen-year-old son.
Carl looked at them in silence for a moment, his eyes narrowed as if he might challenge them and insist. But then his lips quirked up in a smile, and he agreed to the subject change without resistance.
It wouldn't be the last time he asked about Danny that week though. He would stop, when asked, but by and by, the topic of Danny would always come up again, and when they told him about Danny's accident with the Fenton Portal a few months before, he seemed particularly intrigued.
—
It had been three days since Creepy Carl took up residence in the Fenton guest room, and Danny could confidently say that he hated the guy. He'd suspected as much from day one, but now that it was Wednesday, Danny had confidently confirmed that Creepy Carl almost never looked away from Danny when the two of them were in the same room, and it was seriously freaking Danny out.
At home, Danny was spending almost all his time in his bedroom to avoid running into the guy. Unfortunately, his bedroom shared a wall with the guest room, and just knowing the guy was right on the other side of the wall was causing Danny to lose sleep.
Still, Creepy Carl never did anything more than just watch him. At least, not until very late Friday night, or very early Saturday morning. Danny never did know which was more correct. His discomfort proved to be well founded when, around one in the morning that night, he awoke to a bright light being shined on his face.
Danny put a hand up to block the light and sat up to see what was causing it.
He wasn't sure if she should be surprised or not when he made out the silhouette of Anderson Carl shining a flashlight directly at his face. Danny was pretty sure his bedroom door had been locked. Ever since Carl started staying the room next door, Danny had been making sure to lock it. Obviously that had been a futile endeavor.
"What the hell, Carl?" Danny groaned. "Just... just what the hell?"
"What are you?" Creepy Carl asked creepily.
"What do you mean what am I? I'm a freshman."
"A freshman without a shadow?"
"What?"
"Look behind you?"
Danny was hesitant to take his eyes off the creep in front of him, but curiosity got the better of him and he turned.
On the wall behind him was a circle of light from Carl's flashlight. For a moment, Danny didn't register what he was supposed to be seeing, then as the tiredness in his brain started to lift slightly, he realized. He was supposed to be seeing his shadow behind him.
It wasn't there.
He snapped his head back around to look at Carl, and jumped with a start when he realized that the man had taken several steps closer to Danny's bed when he wasn't looking, in absolute silence, and without any movement of the flashlight in his hand. He was now knelt next to the bed, scrutinizing Danny with wide eyes.
"What are you?" Carl repeated.
He was close enough now that Danny could feel the warmth of his breath and lurched backwards in vague disgust and alarm.
"Uncanny Valley, right?" Danny said. "You would know better than I would. What are you?"
Danny had thought that Carl wasn't moving, but then he suddenly froze, and Danny realized the still he'd been a moment ago had been jittery and trembling, but the still he was no was statuesque and cold. He said nothing, and narrowed his eyes like he wasn't sure if he should, or if he should keep holding his cards close to his chest.
"I'll be honest, I never actually noticed I didn't cast a shadow until you pointed it out," Danny admitted. "But I've noticed plenty of uncanny valley around you."
"Like what?" Carl asked, though his tone didn't carry any doubt, just curiosity.
"Like... your smile is wrong. You teeth are too straight, and too white. Kinda like a TV news anchor, except I'm pretty sure there are too many of them." Danny saw Carl run his tongue over his teeth like he was counting them. Then he added, "And also, your lips are all cracked and gross, which isn't uncanny valley, but it is weird that you'd take such good care of your teeth and not even bother with some lip balm."
"Is that all?"
"Your eyes are weird, too," Danny continued. "Nobody's eyes are that color, and even if they were, they wouldn't spark like yours do, just tiny flashes of light. Human eyes don't do that. And your skin is too thin, I think, because your veins and stuff are all weirdly visible, even though you're not that pale."
Carl nodded slowly.
"And... how many teeth are people supposed to have?" he asked.
"I dunno," Danny said with a shrug. "I think, like, thirty, thirty-two, somewhere around there."
"Thanks for the tip," Carl said. "Your eyes flash, too, you know. Bright green. When your emotions are running high."
"Yeah, I know. I've been working on that."
"You're really not going to tell me, are you?" Carl stood, evidently resigned to not getting an answer. "I know you're not a human, and I know you're no ordinary ghost. You sure you won't even give me a hint?"
Danny gave him a derisive snort. "Will you?"
"No, I suppose not." Carl smiled then, and though it was dark, Danny could almost swear the number of teeth in his mouth had changed. "I guess we'll both just have to suffer in disappointment. Goodnight, Danny."
With that, he turned around and walked out of the room, not waiting for an answer.
Danny got up and went to check his door, to see if Carl had broken the lock to get in or something.
Not only was it not broken, it was still locked. Danny had seen the door open and close. He'd heard the doorknob twist. But it had somehow remained locked the whole time.
"Goodnight, Creepy Carl," Danny whispered.
He went back to bed, but didn't get a wink of sleep.
Creepy Carl left the following afternoon, much to Danny's relief.
He hoped that he would never have to see the man again, but somehow, he had a feeling he would. Someday, somewhere... when he least expected it.
21 notes
·
View notes
Who Is Homelander? And If So, How Many?
So I may or may not have just decided to lose money by not doing my job this morning and instead compiling an entire masterdoc of Homelander's most dissociative moments because there is a lot to talk about, apparently.
I made a poll about things that may or may not be true about Homelander based on popular fanon theories, and one of those options there was that he suffers from Dissociative Identity Disorder, or, put in layman's words, he has a split personality due to childhood trauma, and from time to time, that split personality takes over and does things.
Now, deliciouskeys picked up on the staggering success of DID in the poll and made a post about what's UP with people's headcanons about Homelander.
And me being the resident Mirrorlander stan that I am, I will make an entire post just about what I perceive Mirrorlander to be and whether I think we'll ever see him again on the show (TL;DR: the answer is no, at least not in the mirror).
Quick disclaimer:
I will not diagnose Homelander with anything beyond a dissociative disorder. There are many, and I don't know enough about the differences. I will say, though, before anyone comes at me. I also have a dissociative disorder. Not the same as him, though. I don't switch for many years etc. etc. so it is markedly different. I refuse to diagnose fictional characters. But I DO believe he has something along those lines, and it would make sense for him to develop this based on what he's experienced as a child.
Quick second disclaimer:
I am always reluctant to accept Diabolical as full canon, but we have no choice after Kripke confirmed it, so for better or worse, I will take it for what it is and accept what we see on-screen.
How does Homelander's dissociation work, going by what we see on the show?
It seems people are largely scared of the show pulling the rug out from under us by doing the Noir plotline from the comics but with a split personality for Homelander, and I can't say I understand those fears very much because he is already dissociating into a split personality, and the split personality isn't the evil part of him at all. There is nothing to be scared of unless the writers, too, develop split personalities.
First of all, Homelander doesn't seem to experience any dissociative amnesia. I think that even if Mirrorlander takes over for a while, Homelander gets filled in on what happened afterwards, either by Mirrorlander or by having direct access to all memories himself.
Homelander dissociates when he feels out of control, which mostly happens when he experiences loss. He (perhaps) does it when he loses Madelyn, when he loses Stormfront, when he loses power, when he is scared to lose against Soldier Boy, when he loses Noir.
Homelander doesn't have spontaneous switches, though. I would even argue Mirrorlander has to be specifically called into action. Like Homelander does in the mirror scene where he specifically seeks out communication with him by standing in front of the mirror deliberately. I don't think the mirror is a necessity, by the way, I think it's just used to make it make sense for us as the viewers. I'm sure they usually communicate without mirrors or only use the mirror when Homelander actually wants to feel like he's talking to someone else, not his own brain. But to get back to the point at hand, Homelander barely switches. And if he does, never for long. And never for crimes.
This is not a "Homelander is a harmless little child, whereas the evil Shadowlander commits war crimes and smiles" deal. Homelander is the one committing ALL crimes we see him commit (maybe apart from Chelsea, but I'll get to that). Mirrorlander doesn't get his hands dirty, mostly. And he has no interest in it. Violence is a means to an end, the end being worship. And funnily enough, not even for himself. He wants worship for Homelander. Mirrorlander himself doesn't seem to have any ambitions apart from making damn sure Homelander is the best he can be. He reminds me a bit of Annie's mum in that.
If anything, we can blame most of the Trumpisms Kripke likes to plant on Mirrorlander. He's the one with the grandiose plans whereas I think Homelander could potentially be convinced to retire with Ryan to the cabin in Rochester. It wouldn't be easy, but I think it could be done. Mirrorlander poisons his mind, however. If he does anything evil at all, it is being abusive to Homelander by forcing him to strive for more and more power.
Now, Homelander clearly does dissociate, though, doesn't he? Yes. And mostly it is accompanied by one or several of these:
ear ringing/tinnitus
uncontrolled movements of his body (mostly staggering or his mouth opening and closing rapidly)
a pretty fake-looking smile
If he gets triggered further beyond these points, something weird happens with his face, voice, and general behaviour. And that's Mirrorlander, baby!
Do you have any proof of this?
I'm so relieved you finally ask because yes, I do. Plenty of proof.
In 2x01, we hear the ear ringing noise for the very first time when Homelander walks out of Edgar's office after being told his ideas are shit and he might as well just quit. He is walking through the hallway, and his ears are starting to ring. He looks over his shoulder a bit like he's hearing something back there, but there's nothing there. He looks a bit confused and walks on.
Now, I operate under the headcanon that Mirrorlander only appears when Homelander is very stressed. He's a protector, and when there is nobody to protect, he lies dormant, waiting for Homelander to require his help. This, I think, is when he wakes up, and Homelander hears him for the first time in roughly twenty years since his childhood. Homelander's life before Madelyn's death wasn't happy, but it was normal. Or as normal as his day-to-day can be. He had a squeaky-clean reputation, he did his work, he was a household name. Madelyn's death and the changes in his life (his little war with the Boys, the realisation he's had a child for close to a decade) shake him loose. He feels unmoored, and his old childhood protector is back to help. But Homelander doesn't need him much. We never see a switch. It doesn't happen again in S2 until the finale. But when it happens, oh boy does it.
In 2x08. Homelander is coming down from the sky in slow-mo, looking absolutely devastated by what he finds. The woman he loves is injured beyond belief, possibly dying. She's hallucinating, talking to him like he is her dead husband. He has to come to terms with the knowledge it was his very son who did this to her. In short, he's not doing well.
And he continues to not do well for quite a while, sitting by her side helplessly, reaching out but never touching, until he finally starts addressing Ryan to get a better understanding of what actually took place in his absence. And here is where things change.
His first words are unsteady, teary, nearly sobs. And after a few seconds, his sad little face morphs into this:
He goes on talking to Ryan, but the tears are gone from his voice. He's steady now, and he seems somewhat angry. He suddenly seems entirely disinterested in Stormfront on the ground and instead focuses on Ryan. The thing is, he does it in the worst way possible.
Ryan sees this reaching out to him and is understandably reluctant to actually go with him. Granted, the blood isn't doing him any favours. He looks like a nightmare. But he's also remarkably empty. There's a hollow rage, but not much else. His eyes are empty.
This guy who is so very different from the Homelander we saw before, changes tactics and tries to make Ryan comfortable by giving him a smile. It looks like this:
I'm getting chills, and Ryan is now (understandably) moving away because he instinctively understands this is not his father.
And he might be right.
Homelander is nowhere to be found. He got too distraught over Stormfront and ran away, only for whatever this guy is to take over and manage the show. He doesn't stay for long. As soon as Maeve appears to threaten him with the video, Homelander experiences another moment of dissociation when he hallucinates the cheers of the crowd, and when he turns back to Billy and Ryan, all his feelings are back on his face, and whatever just happened is over:
This is a far cry from the scary mask-like face we had just minutes ago. He seems a bit unsteady afterwards, but otherwise okay. He also doesn't seem like he has no idea what just happened. There is no confusion etc. So I would assume Homelander knows what happened, even if he wasn't mentally there to live through it.
It is interesting to me that the Other Guy, Mirrorlander, refers to Ryan as "the little shit who murdered your wife" to Billy. Which okay, he wants to get Billy to leave Ryan behind, so Homelander can take him with him, but I still doubt Homelander would ever willingly refer to his own child like that.
It is interesting because I am of the opinion that Mirrorlander doesn't see Ryan as his child. Ryan is Homelander's child and Homelander's alone. Mirrorlander will not harm him, but he does advise Homelander to stay away from the kid because human relationships make him weak, and his love for Ryan keeps him from becoming a god with zero attachment to humanity. Ryan is very good at bringing out the human side in him, and Mirrorlander must seethe inside Homelander's mind. But he doesn't harm Ryan, ever, and even wants to take him with him. I have even written fic on their relationship. It's not important here. On we go to another dissociative moment.
My favourite example is the A-Train hallway scene in 3x01 because it is one of the rare scenes where we witness both what happens before the switch, and we witness both switches from Homelander to Mirrorlander and back to the man we usually mean when we say Homie. And this one is a little special.
The scene starts out with the classic ear ringing. He returns from his photoshoot with Starlight where he was struggling with a staggering loss of power after Edgar declared Starlight co-captain without involving Homie in the decision. His ears are ringing, and for the first time, we see him struggle with the feeling. He looks like he's in pain, moves his head back and forth, tries to shake the ringing off, but he still barely hears A-Train walk past him.
And then this happens.
Boom. He turns, a flip is switched, his face is now amused and chipper, but hostile.
This is a lot closer to the Mirrorlander we see in the actual mirror scene, and it makes me think it either wasn't an intentional switch out of distress or Mirrorlander was legitimately just bored and saw a chance to jump out while Homelander was weak enough to let it happen. Mirrorlander's entire personality is directed towards making sure Homelander's reputation is that of a deity. Homelander feels like he is losing control of his own team, so Mirrorlander decides to put the physically closest member at the moment in his place, so that nobody forgets who's boss.
Technically, Mirrorlander has no reason to protect Homelander here. Homelander is distressed, but doesn't seem close to a breakdown. So Mirrorlander also lacks the emptiness we usually see in his more protective moments. He's not stopping Homelander from having a meltdown, he's just here to have a good time. And he has a damn good time.
He starts insulting A-Train in a way that even seems a little crass for the usual Homelander meanness. His voice is high and artificial, over-the-top in all respects. He unironically uses the word "yummers".
Even A-Train seems taken aback by this sudden assault. But Mirrorlander doesn't relent. He hones in on A-Train's every insecurity, insulting him like a mean parent would, criticising his eating, makes fun of him for being fat and slow now with his cardiovascular disease. He behaves very much like he does in the mirror scene, which is what clued me in this might not be Homelander during my second watch after I'd watched Herogasm for the first time.
Now, this scene also has another interesting thing: A-Train's 'fuck you'. A-Train is not stupid. He's been working and living with Homelander for about eight to nine years, and he knows about his super senses. There is no way he would let out a 'fuck you' and not think Homelander would hear. I think what he is surprised by is that Homelander doesn't let it slide.
Homelander mus hear a lot of things. His senses make it impossible not to hear every single mean thing anyone mutters about him in the building. And seeing as he is an asshole, the complaints might be plentiful.
A-Train very likely thought Homelander would either go: "ah, don't test me" or just let it slide and walk away. But A-Train doesn't know he's not dealing with Homelander today.
Mirrorlander goes ballistic. I mean, absolutely ballistic. He even threatens him with his laser eyes, physically pushes him to the ground. The people on the floor that are there with them start fleeing in terror.
And then it just stops. As suddenly as Mirrorlander came, he's gone, and what we're left with is a terrified A-Train and a slightly confused Homelander.
I would argue this is the first and only time we ever see him look confused after a switch. He probably doesn't know why this happened, either. It just did. Mirrorlander wanted to have a fun day out. Instead of humiliating himself by having to ask A-Train why they're fighting in the middle of Vought Tower, he just turns around and leaves.
Which brings us to 3x02 - Chelsea's murder. And arguably the only crime that we can blame on the man in the mirror.
Chelsea would have been saved, had it not been for the broadcast of Stormfront's suicide. Now, Homelander hadn't been having a good day prior to that breaking news. His fake birthday is something he hates generally, and he's definitely not in a good mood when he confronts Chelsea for the first time, but he would have unenthusiastically saved the young woman, would have smiled for a few pics, and then gone home to complain to his girlfriend about his shitty day.
And then Stormfront dies.
And he dissociates. The ear ringing is back, his face can't settle on an emotion. He just experienced another catastrophic loss, and on a day that is already psychologically taxing no less.
Poor little meow meow.
The ringing in his ears predictably stops abruptly. He turns back around and:
Meow Meow no more. Here is the weird fake mask-like face and the smile and the empty shark eyes. This is exactly how he looked at Ryan in the S2 episode. Minus the gore.
He starts going on a bit of an incoherent rant about Jesus and birthdays and begins to traumadump on Chelsea. His previous upset is gone. He starts talking about gods and humans and how people like Stormfront should be worshipped for being better than humanity. It's all classic stuff that we know from Mirrorlander because he tells Homelander the same stuff all the time.
It's an interesting moment because the switch here doesn't ever seem to be complete. Traces of Homelander's emotional state are still shining through little cracks in the mask. The way his voice cracks when he says "immaculate conception". He's sad still. Either Homelander is still there in the background, or Mirrorlander, too, shares trauma about the false birthday and not having a family. We may never know.
We all know how the scene ends.
He forces Chelsea into committing suicide by threatening to kill her either way if she doesn't jump willingly. It might be the most cruel thing we ever see Homelander do, and who knows if it's even him alone. It's an interesting moment because it almost seems like Homelander/Mirrorlander is outsourcing his own self-destructive tendencies. We saw something similar with Doppelgänger which arguably was a "suicide". He killed himself symbolically. Here, too, he might be feeling a tad suicidal after yet another loss. Watching Chelsea jump might serve as a proxy to preserve his own state of mind. He certainly seems to believe life is not worth living today, and this poor woman is the one he takes it out on.
Either way, after Chelsea dies, he just keeps standing on the roof.
Peacefully dissociating back, I guess.
My final example is Noir's murder, 3x08.
Homelander clearly suffers through it. He doesn't particularly want to kill Noir, but his own morals dictate that everyone who lies to him must go, and Noir kept the thing he wanted to know the most (his own family tree) from him despite knowing all along that he had a father who was alive and potentially willing to get in contact with him. Homelander has it all wrong, but that doesn't change anything. Noir is one of his oldest and arguably closest confidants, and so killing him is one of the hardest things he's ever had to go through.
Homelander is experiencing distress in the aftermath of the killing blow.
Homelander is starting to dissociate. He begins to physically stagger around the place, facial expression empty and distraught. And then it happens. Boom. His face smooths over, and we are left with:
He calmly turns towards a dying Black Noir and tells him bluntly "You should have told me". And walks away like nothing happened. Mirrorlander, once more, cushioned the fall for Homelander and shielded him from the consequences of the loss he just suffered.
Is Mirrorlander the only alter?
I don't think so. But he's the only alter who takes control sometimes. There is an interesting moment in Diabolical during the botched rescue. Homelander gets triggered, but not in a way we usually see on the show. He's young, he's inexperienced, and when faced with pressure, he doesn't just dissociate, he melts down. And it's interesting that he begins to experience traumatic flashbacks to his childhood in those moments. He hears himself scream in his head and blacks out. And when he comes to, he is surrounded by bodies, holding entrails in his hand, and has zero memory of what happened. I think that what happened here is one of the elusive child alters Homelander must be hiding away inside his head somewhere being left without anyone else in control: a deeply hurt child with no impulse control whose only desire is to get out, get out, get out, get out, run away, make it stop, don't hurt me. This alter doesn't have any presence of mind apart from instinct, and it arguably shouldn't be around at all because of the potential destruction.
Now, I think Mirrorlander is there to keep this from occurring. Mirrorlander exists to not let the meltdown happen. If Homelander runs in terror and dissociates to get away from the pain, Mirrorlander is the parent behind whom he hides away. Mirrorlander deals with the nasty business while Homelander gathers his wits. And Mirrorlander makes sure someone is there to pilot the body until all is well again and Homelander's fragile psyche is stable.
We'll see if my theory is correct in S4 because I feel like the time we see him covered in bits and gore, smiling like a happy baby, might be him returning after getting his trauma triggered and melting down, destroying a sizeable portion of Vought Tower scientist staff in the process.
So no, I don't think Mirrorlander is the only alter. There might be more. Mirrorlander is a protector, mostly. We see him in this role. But who knows how many voices are inside Homie's brain?
Will Mirrorlander make a return?
I don't think he will. Not in the mirror scene. I think that was a one-off. But we already know from VHQ that the ear ringing features in S4, and apparently more so than it did in the previous, so I think there's a fair chance we will see more switches happening, depending on whether Homelander is going through traumatic happenings. So we might get to see the man who is Mirrorlander outside the reflection again. I certainly hope we do.
In conclusion, Homelander's dissociative states don't serve to absolve him of his crimes. Mirrorlander is only here to protect and preserve his fragile psyche. He's not the true evil part of Homelander, just like Homelander is not the good part. They both have good and bad in them, and they are both - at their core - deeply traumatised men who work together because no one else ever offered any help. We've come back around to what Antony also states was his main motivation in creating this split: someone Homelander has, someone almost like a relative, who is there for him when he can't handle his life.
29 notes
·
View notes