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kissingwithcannibals · 6 years

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Bollywood and Camo Hats: A Glimpse Beyond the Bubble

Do you guys remember how, in the previous post, I wrote about one of my best friends, the Indian girl? (Okay, gotta stop referring to her as “the Indian girl.” She does actually have a name. The gang and I do not call her “the Indian girl.” Out of respect for her privacy, I’m going to call her “Kelly,” because she’s remarkably like Kelly Kapoor from The Office, the only exception being that The Office’s Kelly Kapoor is, believe it or not, a bit toned-down compared to our “Kelly.” That’s a fact, Jack.

Anyway. She wrote to me! A very thoughtful email. (You might even say...my first fan mail?! Trying to not let all this fame go to my head.) I asked her if I could throw it up on the blog. So here’s most of what she wrote!

“I think you do have a culture and that culture is White Middle-Class America. AKA what we think of as a majority of America, the America that is most often referenced in our politics, movies, T.V. shows… and I think about some of the values that you have, that seem intrinsic to you. The value of pursuing a career for passion, to marry for love, to be an independent entity from your family. These things to me are individualistic. Those aren’t universal values, they are uniquely American. Like you said, it’s hard to parse this out when it seems plain or boring. But it’s only plain or boring, because most of the people around you are within your culture.

I think about my cousins in India, who are so fascinated by America. The movies they watch, the T.V shows that they are obsessed with, their standards of beauty, are all from America. And I think that goes to show how fascinating the world finds America. So yeah, I think that the girl from Nepal would find the way you grew up so foreign, so different than what everyone around her grew up as. In Bollywood movies, the hero and heroine just sing about their love for each other, many times they don’t even kiss. And when we look at our movies and T.V shows, sex and love between relationship partners are often depicted, lovingly, and as normal. I think these both reflect different cultural values of love & sex.

I think this is kind of where my struggle comes in, as growing up navigating two different cultures and worlds. It’s easy for my parents because they grew up, much like you, surrounded by people who were just like them. Everyone stayed at home, got an arranged marriage, chose careers that were respectable to the family. That was normal, they didn’t even think about it then. That was their water. When they moved here, it was a completely new different culture. It was scary. I think this is where their overprotectiveness came in. When you grow up thinking of one way as right, and then move to a place where that is now not the case, you hold tighter to what you do know.

Manlius in particular is so homogenous [note: Manlius is our hometown]. I grew up having to code-switch, switching my values, the way I spoke and everything depending on who I was around. In adolescence, we think of encouraging teenagers to speak their mind, figure out who they are. How unique is that to America! In Indian culture, I think of adolescence as the time to affirm their commitment to their families.

Some of the feelings that I felt were underneath the surface when you were writing, was an aversive-ness to being “plain vanilla”. Something I did think could be unpacked is that currently American culture can seem divisive, angry, conservative. Maybe the fear there is the “Fuck yea Amurica!” Trump-loving, “patriotic” group of people who consider themselves to be proud Americans, are obviously not reflective of who you are as well. I’m not quite sure where that thought was going…but something that I thought of.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I wouldn’t consider yourself as boring, plain or vanilla. I would consider yourself as privileged (this is such a hot button word that I hate using it but I think it somewhat fits) to grow up in a place where most people’s cultures were reflective of yours as well. And I’m proud that you’re even thinking about it, because sometimes I feel frustrated when people assume it for granted. And we should be having more conversations like this with everyone!! Because if you move to a completely new culture, I think you’ll see clearer the water you were in all along.”

Wow, good stuff by Kelly! Thanks, Kelly. That’s a lot to chew on.

I want to talk a bit about what was said here. I’ve had tunnel vision about my upbringing for some time now, and I think this discussion has given me some clarity. (Hey, you guys remember when that Zedd song “Clarity” was all the rage? Wow we are already off track. Focus, Jake, focus!)

“The value of pursuing a career for passion, to marry for love, to be an independent entity from your family. These things to me are individualistic.”

Aha, this right here. See, one of my problems is that when I want to play dress-up as a cultural anthropologist, I too often focus on the artifacts of a lifestyle. The class of things easily seen, heard, and felt. I think about the kind fashion that was acceptable at high school- a spectrum between casual and preppy. What were the hit songs and popular genres of music? (Never really met a lot of country fans.) The churches that we belonged to (or didn’t). Or the patterns of speech: our choice of slang through nasally CNY accents. It’s as if I could tally up all these things and say, “This is my culture. It’s X, Y, and Z.” And to an extent, this is true. That is part of the equation.

But greater forces are at work in the background. Growing up they were at work largely chartering our courses without our knowing. In Manlius, it was never questioned that you would go to college. You would move out of the house and away from this small, delicate town. Entering right into the work force or going to community college or a trade school held unspoken stigmas. That was for stupid kids. Or poor kids. Or poor, stupid kids. The school administration, the guidance counselors, our parents, they all beat this drum in sync during our years in high school. (Argh, what I would do to go back and take a gap year between high school and college! Just to work an honest job and get my priorities in order. Instead I went off to college without a plan. Turns out that I was the stupid kid. It was me all along!)

And, yeah, marriage. Woof. Even though a pre-arranged marriage could be of great benefit to a dateless knob like your truly, I think one of the truly amazing things about life in America is that some poor girl out there can’t be forced to marry me. (And for that let us join together and all breathe a biiiiig collective sigh of relief.) That’s just not how we roll in America. This is not India. In America the individual takes priority over the family. Go to college. Find your passion. Marriage? That comes later.

So...individualism. That’s a big one for the white, suburban culture I grew up in. One last comment on this: there is a kind of ironic contradiction at play here. It is a site of tension that only becomes visible in hindsight for some of us, myself included. From our position of privilege, most everyone here is provided the luxury of choosing the life they want, but overriding social pressures then covertly narrow these very choices. “Well, you don’t have to go to college. You can do whatever you’d like! Buuuuut not going would be a terrible idea, you know. So you better go to college.” It’s like that line from that one Metallica song, “You can do it your own way. If it's done just how I say!” Ah, such a great album.

“I think about my cousins in India, who are so fascinated by America. The movies they watch, the T.V shows that they are obsessed with, their standards of beauty, are all from America.

Consumerism. Now there’s something I didn’t give enough attention to before. After all, teens can’t relish in suburban car culture if they can’t afford cars. With wealth comes buying. It’s pretty obvious that my own upbringing has warped my sense of what defines culture. Too often I see culture as what is available for purchase: clothes, music, cars, games, phones, food, furniture, books, movies, apps. As Kelly said: think about all those people in other countries who are crazy to get their hands on American products and media. And here I am, swimming in it all! I’m not phased by any of it. The grass is always greener on the other side. Well, I’m on the side that some people wanna be on. I’m kicking back on a lawn chair, Ray-bans on, ear buds in, watching Netflix on my laptop. No wonder I can’t see beyond my own front lawn! (Just kidding, of course. I don’t own any Ray-bans. I look terrible in sunglasses.)

I mentioned in my last post how I erroneously relate culture with that which is foreign and exotic. I’ll also say that I very regretfully tend to associate “real culture” with third-world (developing? poor?) countries. Like somehow a culture is richer when it isn’t embedded with consumerism. As if to say that certain expressions of culture, such as in art and music, don’t develop as fully when people are more interested in simply buying more stuff. Things like conspicuous consumption tend to creep in and become a widespread practice. Obviously this line of thinking has some fallacies to it. (But there also may be some truth to it. I’ve done some reading lately in which I’ve learned that in certain areas of the world, East Asian nations for example, there exist large pockets of animosity toward the reach of Western consumer culture, and for the way it has transformed these societies in recent decades.)

“Something I did think could be unpacked is that currently American culture can seem divisive, angry, conservative.”

This is why I’ve thought about living in the Deep South for a time. And I mean in a very conservative area, a real backcountry spot on the map. A place where I can wear cargo shorts while learning how to make alcohol in the woods. Heck, I might even be the first vegetarian some of these people ever meet. Who knows! There’s a whole world out there. At some point I should step out of my bubble and into someone else’s.

This is also a good reminder that there are many American cultures. My whole world is liberal, white, and suburban. Imagine if I had grown up in inner-city Syracuse. Heck, even white and rural would be another way of life. You don’t have to drive very far out of Manlius before it’s all pickup trucks and camo hats. I think about one of my roommates during my senior year at SU. A guy named Shawn. (Great guy!) We are both from small towns in New York, but he obviously grew up in a lifestyle of a much more rural bent. He drove a pickup truck, and I don’t wanna say it was a big pickup truck, but I swear I needed a boost just to climb into the cab. The radio stations were dialed into country. Old-school country. And Shawn traps and hunts. I don’t have the heart for that. Too squeamish. Plush, squirrels and beavers are in my list of top favorite animals. He was also very handy. One time some drunk kids smashed the wooden table we had on our front porch. What did Shawn do? He fixed it! Okay, well, I should stop talking about Shawn. I’m starting to feel a bit useless. The point is: I’m a fish out of water in Shawn’s world, and our worlds are not that far apart.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this post, it’s that writing about culture is hard. There are so many moving parts, so many variables at play. It’s difficult to discuss the large-scale, invisible forces at work without it all coming out as some garbled mess. (As evidence of this, please note this very blog post.) At least I’ve been reminded a good critique of culture is one that looks beyond the stuff and materials, and focuses on the values, e.g. individualism, consumerism, marriage, politics, race, geography. Moving forward, If I’m going to examine my own upbringing, I’d be better off picking apart one area in detail. Really throw it under the microscope.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, another episode of Moonshiners is currently playing on the Discovery Channel. I need to prepare.

#writing #culture

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hottakeswithdasom · 7 years

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500 Days of Summer

More like 500 days of dumber am i right

Literally horrible

Just the worst

I cant believe i watched that with my own eyes

Once again the white heteros strike back with even more filth that would make ScarJo vom. Jk

Its the same sickeningly sweet love story about a boy at his "corporate soul-sucking" job meets girl there working as the hot...wait for it... ~☆secretary☆~. Seriously? Just watch The Office. At least its actually funny. And her name is...SUMMER. WOAH. They make out at an office bar/karaoke party, but not before theres a highly intellectual conversation about how she thinks that women should be more independent abt relationships in general(like...ok) and the MC (i fukin forgot his stage name so lets call him Bob) is like "uhh but dont u care abt being married and stuff" and shes like "no not rlly" and then his JACKASS DRUNK FRIEND comes over and is like "ha does that mean ur a lesbian". Somehow, she has the self control to not rip off his dick and respond "yea women can be independent". Drunk friend guy is like "woahhh ur like a dude now". Filth

By the way, the entire movie is displayed in the typical "Vignettes scattered around for some reason" form. Its supposed to be like each day is a day of summer and so each vignette is out of 500 days. Yeah? Ok.

So Bob and Summer start going out, doing typical quirky indie stuff like listen to Beatles and The Smiths records, shouting "Penis" in a public park with children in it for no reason other to be quirky, pretending they live as husband and wife at Ikea, you know. Ugahhab they make an "Asian family" joke that makes me want to stab their eyes out. They basically start running around Ikea, being nasty lovey dovey making out on a bed in PUBLIC and Bob whispers to her "Theres an asian family in our bathroom" and the camera pans to see an asian family in the bathroom watching them.

Im so tired of asians being the butt of a joke, LIKE BILLY BOB AND SUMMER WERENT SUPPOSED MOVE THEIR WHITE NASTY ASSES OUT OF IKEA like assholes the family was minding their own fucking business and these horny bitches think they own the ikea get tf outta here that shit isnt just unfunny its racist as hell. Its supposed to make me think "aha asians? Thats so random. They shouldnt be in this movie at all, in fact, thats why its funny. Because anywhere they go, it'll always be unnatural. Even ikea."

ANYWAYS later theyre at a bar and Summer doesnt rlly want to talk to Bob and a stereotypically cartoon villian guy tries to hit on her and when she turns him down, he's like "whaaaaa but im so hot" and shes like "nah" and hes like "ok whatever i cant believe thats ur boyfriend though" and then BOB PUNCHES HIM BECAUSE OF THAT???? Like ughbsbsb so selfish he wasnt even doing it for her, he was just doing it for his manly pride. NOT EVEN SELF-DEFENSE LIKE FUCK OFF

A happy surprise, Summer is mad at Bob for doing that, but Bob doesnt think so. Later he practically makes her apologize to him as if what he did wasnt messed up??

They eventually break up, and he goes through the Im gonna win her back phase, where he goes to a party that she throws and tries to woo her with a gift. Its an architecture book. Oh yeah he wants to be an architect by the way, but instead for some reason he works at a greeting card company. He writes greetings. Thats all he does. The corporate man bringing him down amirite. Surprise surprise, its not her favorite thing in the world, and she reveals that shes engaged. Bob storms outta there and spends the next several months coming late to work, drinking combinations of whiskey and orange juice and twinkies. Nasty.

His boss keeps kindly asking him to up his work rate REASONABLY because hes been depressed and Bob basically is like fuck off. Finally, at a board meeting, Bob flips the fuck out and screams at all of coworkers that life is meaningless, and that theyre all wasting their lives writing meaningless shit on greeting cards and he gets the chance to say he quits. He isnt even fired he just gets to quit.

Oh yeah side note, throughout the whole movie theres this littles girl that i think is supposed to be Bob's sister and she gives him love advice??? Shes like 12??? She says "dont be a pussy"???? Like wow edgy ok

Anyways so he quits his job and idk he starts wanting to be an architect again, as shown by this unnecessary montage of him drawing buildings on his chalkboard wall in his bedroom.

He meets Summer on a park bench one day, and shes basically like "i hope u find someone" and hes like "ok". Then he goes to an interview to be an architect, when, lo and behold, theres ANOTHER GIRL applying for the same job and the narrator is like "And this is how Bob realized that miracles dont exist". Bob asks her out and shes says her name is Autumn. WOAHHHSHAHBAHAJSJJWKEHDBH GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE SYMMMMMMMMBOLISMMMMMMM

This was worse than the hetero logic in How I Met Your Mother, and almost everything was the same. Even the part about the MC wanting to be am architect. Bc i guess all little white boys dream of becoming an architect-the most painfully math-driven job in the world that is almost nothing like just drawing pretty pictures. And white girls are ok with that for some reason. Like robots

1/10 The hot surgeon friend

1/10 The super kind coworkers at the Hallmark

1/10 idk

=3/10

#500 days of summer #3/10

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