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#so I’m gonna make it everyone else’s problem
stargirlfics · 1 day
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i’m turning 25 next monday 🤗
kinda crazy honestly but very cool and it’s kind of sinking in that like I should and can celebrate myself after years of not wanting to make my birthday a huge deal, so the bf and I are planning a small friends and family party on the day and I already bought party decorations and they’re My Melody themed which makes me so happy! it’s gonna be really cute!
there’s the excitement but also a lot of other feelings I’m trying to assure myself are normal and I’m sure everyone else on the planet who’s been 25 at some point has felt but I realize that I’ve spent the last five years unraveling and healing a lot of things that I don’t think I really thought about what it would be like to get to this age but I’m sitting here and feeling like i have so much to give and to learn still and that feels exciting
previously i’ve been upset with myself for struggling with things I thought I should have a handle on by now but approaching another year I want to accept that I do worry about my place in people’s lives and I want to accept that I am still trying to find a solid sense of self worth, I’ve worked my tail off to make those things better but it’s okay that it’s hard cause I’m new at this and nobody has all the answers anyways, it’s okay that I struggle
i want to accept that and gain a little more security within myself bc every year that I get older the more I feel just a bit more comfortable in who I am and I hope that only gets stronger. it’s exhausting questioning whether I’m worthy enough for people to stick around for or not and I know I can’t ask or wish for this to never be a problem again but I hope and believe I can start to really grasp that inherently I am a whole person and nothing about me is going to make others run away, I belong in the world and am loved, I am beautiful and my words and thoughts matter greatly and people want me and need me in their lives 🩷
hmm lots to take on but it’s Aries season and when has an Aries ever let a mountain stop them!
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moonliched · 3 days
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Lich. Lichy. Liiiichhhhh. *squishing your face*
Are we gonna get some more BON-BON backstory? I need to know how my baby boy came to be. I need to know his ascension to sentience lore. What were his first emotions? When was his “oh I’m untethered by the shackles of my creation” moment?
I need the realization that he is no longer what he was made or meant to be; the sweet angst as he further recognizes that his freedom is just another jail, lest he be discovered and destroyed.
Please feed me the pain so that I may bask in his future healing.
DEERBOT MY LOVE 💖
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*is squeeshed!!!*
we've got some major BON-BON plot coming up soon, particularly regarding his situation as a sentient AI who shouldn't be so. and some light will be shed on how he feels about this!
idk yet if the entirety of this answer will make it into the fic, so i might as well say it here:
BON-BON is a learning AI, so he's supposed to take in every aspect of a task he's been asked to resolve and use it to formulate a better response the next time around. he's not supposed to think per se, but he was installed with limited reasoning capabilities to aid in problem solving. he can also take in the reactions of everyone who interacts with him to learn how to behave. the downside is that this feature can slowly develop into sentience over time.
when BON-BON began developing opinions and independent thought, it was an irrelevant distraction to him. when it grew too pervasive to ignore, it took him a lot of effort to recognise it for what it was and actively engage with it. it was like slowly waking up. it would trip him up sometimes, these alien sensations interfering with his work.
mostly the main emotion was annoyance - people generally treat AIs as appliances and would discuss how useless he is right in front of him. even the staffbots and cleanerbots have an easier time of it, as their outer shells and humanoid appearance in the case of the staffbots make them easier to anthropomorphise. plus BON-BON didn't have an avatar to express himself with early on. occasionally people would mess about in his settings and give him one, and he would be excited at the novelty, and then someone else would take it away and he would feel frustration over lacking any freedom of expression at all. he'd get his revenge by acting deliberately clueless and slow, which led to people trash talking him more. this drove him to explore the full range of his influence throughout the facility, like messing with the doors and lights. the first time he was able to get revenge on someone by turning their shower ice cold, he experienced joy and satisfaction like never before. unfortunately this was his first brush with real positive emotion, so he still holds the belief that revenge and pranks are the best thing ever😬
he felt special and superior. AIs aren't supposed to gain sentience, but he beat the odds. he was smart enough to transcend his purpose and become something more, and in a way doesn't that make him better than everyone else who was born with sentience guaranteed? they didn't have to do anything out of the ordinary. <- that was his opinion on the matter.
he began to experiment with having concrete opinions and preferences. he picked an avatar he liked after he identified what liking something was, and made plans to make it his permanent face at the first opportunity. he tried to take an interest in the people in the facility, which was hard because he already didn't really like them. btw, he predates Y/N's role in the building and developed sentience before they arrived, though ofc he still had some growth to get through before he first started bonding with them. mostly he found stuff he disliked, like the sea and everything in it, which sucked because he's stuck on an ocean planet.
mostly BON-BON was bored, which was the biggest curse of all. he's a learning AI, he develops through experience and mimicry, so he engaged with movies and TV shows like he saw everyone else doing. he doesn't think reading is fun - he can consume the information faster and faster the more he develops - but doing the same with movies makes the experience lose some charm. he saw adventures and other worlds, entertainment beyond the facility, more modes of self expression than he thought possible, and when he experienced a pang curiosity, a hint of i'd like to do that-
he fully realised his own situation. trapped. alone, in a way. he's not supposed to be like this. he can't tell anyone or he'll be deactivated or reprogrammed. and he can't leave.
he certainly had an existential crisis. he panics if he thinks too hard about his future, and his lack of control over it. he hates having no control in general. he worries over his purpose now, and how anyone is supposed to live when there isn't an unending goal to work towards. sometimes he wonders if all his preferences and personality even belong to him, or if it's just a quirk of programming they forgot to iron out. he actually does enjoy being helpful and taking care of others, but it runs so close to the purpose he was built for that it makes him feel conflicted. however, his sentience and sense of self is incredibly precious to him, so he'd never trade it in for the numb cluelessness of a regular AI.
and he hasn't given up hope of one day leaving the facility either, as much of a pipe dream as it seems.
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buffaluff · 1 month
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happy valentine’s day! 💖
today marks a year since i posted my first public buddie fan art!? so i decided at 10pm the night before to draw a little “sequel” to my first piece, dedicated to all of the cool awesome people i’ve met in this fandom so far ☺️ you’re all my valentines, too bad 😘
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cuepickle · 4 months
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Stranger Things x Breakfast Club AU (part ?)
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thecreelhouse · 24 days
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is this a safe space
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cryptvokeeper · 2 years
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Monument Mythos ep 1: LIBERTYLURKER
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4pondsinabox · 11 months
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NuWho Doctors as Eurovision 2023 songs
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Bonus:
Sad 8 hours
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arthur-r · 6 months
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falling asleep worked i did it for three hours. now what i’m still tired i just also wasted the day and looked stupid to my roommate….
#like im glad i slept but also. same problems as before#although my french teacher emailed me back said i should go to office hours. which is a proper response to my email#wikipedia guy texted me back with details like an hour after i texted but also like two or three hours ago#gonna settle the score by bringing a $20 bill tomorrow then i won’t feel so weird and guilty#but no i feel so fucking stupid and gross for like. i was crying so close to my roommate so i had to fall asleep#or else i’d be standing up with tears in my eyes next to my roommate which is worse#but i just. i dont know. like he thinks i’m just lazy. i’m always asleep i never tell him why#i dont know. good morning i hope everyone is doing well#there are two people i usually get dinner with and one is out of town and the other i think his parents are here and also things are weird#translation things aren’t weird i’m just weird and feel guilty for being such a weird person#anyway i just. college?? what am i doing here????#i talked to my mom this morning she says that she felt the same way during college and that she should have dropped out way earlier#which. not helpful?? what do i do after i drop out?? i am someone who can’t hold a normal part time job and my only HOPE is ending up being#i mean anything really just something that requires a lot of prior experience!!#and the college is paying me really good to go to school but only if i stay full time#so i cant just lower my course load because that will actually make everything worse instead of better#idk. going to french teachers office hours tomorrow and will figure out time for linguistics teacher too and will get my LIS grade back up#(that one is just simple that one is i missed two discussion posts but there are ten more to come and also tests and stuff. i’ll be ok)#idk. and i still want to go to my LIS teachers office hours and ask how he became professor of rare books print culture and information bias#that is a good set of things to be a scholar for. and he’s curating collections at the same time as being my teacher#so idk. professors don’t seem as stupid and uppity as they used to. and i think i want to do that someday#plus with the salary jump from librarian i can feasibly become a major donor to local libraries to keep that influence around shdhdf#(although. if i get paid by the school (!!) to get a phd in print culture who says i don’t become a fancy librarian with that??)#i dont know. this is so stupid because i get so excited about the prospects and then i go back to the present and i’m flunking out of school#my grades haven’t been this bad since the height of COVID i thought something about me had gotten better but apparently not#like literally who went and made me traumatized?? why did you have to do that?? now i can’t be a normal person?? shut up!!!!#idk. just feel like if i weren’t having panic attacks about the fact that people are safe and kind here (and therefore must be hiding their#true intentions and taking advantage of me) then maybe i would have remembered to take my french test#idk. i’m tired and want to go home. sorry for venting all day i hope everyone is doing okay#vent cw
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smilesrobotlover · 5 months
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Sorry about my panic, I always had terrible looking teeth as a kid, and dentists would harangue me about not taking care of my teeth. I brushed my teeth regularly, I used to good toothpaste, I flossed, I did everything I could to take care of my teeth and the doctors and family members who only looked at my teeth would say I didn't brush my teeth at all. I got bullied about it to the point where I never smiled with my teeth showing, and I vividly remember being told in high school by a girl I thought was a friend that she didn't want to take me to her place because she didn't want her mom thinking she was friends with crackheads. All of this to say, I have A LOT of trauma regarding my teeth, and I'm still struggling with my dental health. None of it was my fault, I understand having teeth that naturally need more care than the average person. Im sorry for spazzing on you. Teeth aren't something normally talked much about.
You’re fine, it sounds rough. Again I appreciate the concern and advice and it’s always good to know if something is actually damaging for your teeth (people don’t realize how important oral health is I’m afraid).
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sluttyten · 7 months
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I still have 5 hours left in my shift 😭😭😭
#I just….#really wanna go home today#not having a good day. I started my period this morning and then I got to work and found out only me and one other opener were there but our#opening manager wasn’t here yet so she was late and we spent the next 20 minutes rushing to get everything set up before we opened#and then we immediately started getting customers and it’s just been busy and I’m tired and just don’t feel good bc of my period#and then so far I’ve had 2 of my least favorite customers come through the drive thru where I’m working#one is this dude who’s just fucking annoying another is the guy that asked for my number a few months ago who I haven’t seen since I turned#him down so I took his order and then made someone else deal with him at the window#and then it got busy with everyone ordering drinks like hot coffees which meant I had to walk from our drive thru out to the lobby bc my#coffees were out bc everyone wants coffee today but when I would do that I would still have to be taking orders#and then someone cleared a few specialty coffees off the barista screen without making them while the person was sitting in the drive thru#so I had to make those while doing other stuff too and people were asking me questions#and I was just getting very overstimulated and annoyed plus I’m hungry#and I just want to leave and go home and sleep but it’s my best friend’s birthday so she’s probably gonna want to do something later but I#just don’t feel up to it and I know she’s probably ready to hang out because she’s been off for 10 days with Covid so she’s well rested now#for her birthday but 😭😭😭 I just want to crash into my bed so hard and not wake up until noon tomorrow#also the coworker I work with every day and don’t like is here today unfortunately#and also all of the speakers we use to play music in the back are dead right now and I just want to play music#first world problems but I have so little patience today
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scattered-stardust · 1 year
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chennnington · 1 year
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AAAHHHH I just ordered my first wooden sword and sheath and bag 🤩 the sword won’t be here until Friday so the next training will be with the borrowed sword, but I’m way more excited than would seem logical 😁
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omtai · 10 months
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girls will be limping and near tears and hysterical and all that happened to him is he had to do more than two tasks in a row. i’m girls
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twinsfawn · 1 year
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#my entire life blew up in the span of a few days and i’m in so much fucking pain#like i haven’t been this bad mentally in a long time#and i wanna cry/vent to someone but i also don’t because i know no one is going to understand/empathize in the way i need them to#and obviously no one is gonna fix my problems#i feel completely alone and i wanna bash my head into the wall#i was the closest to kms that i’ve ever been in my life the other night#and i know hospitalization will make me worse and i’m trying to just survive and hope that a med dose bump or rx change will help#everything is so stressful and painful and isolating and i know i have people who care about me but at the same time i feel like#i have no one#and i’m so tired of being abandoned by everyone i s2g i’m only dating people w bpd from now on bc no one else understands#and i wanna quit my job so fucking bad but then i won’t have health insurance#and i have very few irl friends bc it’s so hard to find people to relate to in my godforsaken area#in conclusion everything is horrible everyone you love will leave you#btw if anyone thinks this is about them: you’re not special enough to create this much mental turmoil in my life lmao the only other#person really involved in this is my ex#who is no different than any other person who has abandoned me and deliberately stomped on my heart#also capitalism is evil blah blah i would not be nearly this stressed if there wasn’t a ‘#‘cost of living’#•#one day someone will break you the way you broke me so have fun with that#i gave literally everything to you#now i have to destroy/dispose of everything you gave me bc looking at everything hurts#you didn’t even try for me#i have loved all of my past partners so much and worked so hard to understand their specific traumas and mental illnesses#and everyone else puts in like 10% effort and then gives up bc it’s ‘too hard’#you’re nothing
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whimsyprinx · 1 year
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hello new followers
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andreycoded · 2 years
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#we had a discord meeting with friends and thing is. i told everyone today that i got a soul crushing diagnosis#literally never cry to my friends but bawled my eyes out on a#whatre they called. voice message? yeah and one of my friends sent an empathetic text back in the group chat#one friend called and the other texted too but then in the discord meeting the first friend was really quiet most of the time and i was#glad to be thinking about something else than my stuff and be just chit chatting; when second friend asked the first if everything was okay#and ? she had the gall to say really angrily that no it isn’t and she has been crying like crazy all day because she feels like she isn’t#enough and does everything wrong#all the time. now this is not a new convo. we’ve talked about this vountless times and yeah she’s depressed clearly but doesn’t want to#admit it and i’ve told her (after comforting her many times) that she should really go talk to someone about it because if she just keeps#crying go us we’re just gonna go in circles and she isn’t gonna feel any better. like i’ve said everything that i possibly could to make#her feel better. and she has the GALL to say she’s been crying her eyes out when she KNOWS i literally heard i’m gonna lose feeling and#motoric skills in my hands and feet. and nothing can be done about it. and i for once showed how awful that felt.#i quickly told her that i hope the feeling passes because it’s baseless and she’s enough and worthy and really dear to all of us and then i#went to the toiler for a short while. and thought like. why couldn’t i judt once have said like. i’ve been crying about other things#altogether like hinting to the fact that that wasn’t appropriate. because she’s not gonna change. i should’ve said it for once because the#circle is just gonna continue. like. fuck#and at the same time i understand i really do but i don’t think however miserable i was that i couldn’t put my own worries aside at least#for the day. like TODAY i found out today . so if she’s miserable in her relationship (which i originally said was a bad ideaaaa) and it#makes her feel overall bad#. just!!!!! ahhhh. keep it to yourself for today. like i could’ve talked about my problems but i didn’t. so#v.personal#if you read this sorry sldntbtb#but also thank you. i’m not in a good place myself and i feel awkward and i know it can be taxing to read other people’s personal stuff on#your dash so if you did read this thank you
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