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#so I told my Mum she could tell my dad that I’m bi
felixs-hell-scape · 5 days ago
Is Pride Month❤💙💚💛💜😃
You know what that means?🙂
I already made a post about this, but I’m taking this as permission to talk more.
Gary (Bisexual/female preference Trans man)
When Gary sees John Goodspeed (Episode 8 of Season 1), John says the line; “I never would have seen the MAN you would have grown up to be.” John emphasises the man part.
When Gary was about 5 or 6 years old, he went up to his dad and told him that he doesn’t like being a girl. From that day forward, John referred to his child as his son and called him Gary.
Gary never learned much about sexualities or gender identity. He just knew he was a man and that he liked both men and women. (Until he got put on the ship with HUE for five years and got to have in-depth conversations about it).
Avocato (Bisexual/male preference cisgender man)
Because of all the war on Ventreixan, Avocato never really had time to sit down and question his sexuality.
Once Avocato was demoted from general and started as a bounty hunter, he had more of an opportunity to start figuring himself out.
Avocato raised Little Cato in a very positive LGBTQ+ household. Avocato thought he raised his son like that because he wanted his son to be respectful, but all along it was because he was Bi and didn’t want his son to hate him for it.
Little Cato (Non-binary or Gender Non conforming Pansexual)
Little Cato came out to Avocato in the most awkward way possible. Something like; “Well, I like every gender but I don’t like gender. I mean, I could date and love someone no matter their gender, but I don’t like gender for myself.” Avocato would have been so damn confused.
Little Cato radiates such ‘Fxck your social construct!’ energy.
I can imagine someone trying to pick of Little Cato by saying he’s gay and his response would be: “I’m pan, so that means I’ll screw you, your mum and your dad.”
Quinn (Heterosexual Trans woman)
Quinn’s mother and sister seemed to have some despise toward her so my guess is that (despite them ultimately being accepting) there is a little bit of transphobia there
Imagine: Quinn and Gary are having some alone time. They turn to each other and say in time “I have something I need to tell you.” Gary insists that Quinn goes first. She nervously says that she is trans and Gary can’t help but laugh. She’s mad for a moment before he finally calms down and says “That’s what I was going to tell you!”
Quinn prides herself on being a strong, independent who can kicks ass and takes names.
Tribore (heterosexual?)
Its canon that man’s only loves himself so this is complicated
He is a massive ally to all genders and sexualities
Likes woman when he is a man likes men when he is a woman.
Fox (Aromantic Asexual)
Fox loves all life in the universe. He thinks that all life is precious and should be protected. But that doesn’t mean he ever wants to be in a relationship.
The only love Fox has ever felt has been platonic love and the sibling love he has for his sister.
Fox has a crisis about what he’s attracted every like six months
Ash (She/They Lesbian)
She was into Little Cato for a while but slowly came to the realisation that she’s a lesbian.
Fox is her biggest supporter. But maybe a little too supportive? Like, Ash’s eyes linger on a woman for a little bit too long and Fox offers to ask the girl out for Ash.
Ash had always struggled with things like her gender identity. Fox and Little Cato noticed this and sat down with her one day (with HUE) to start figuring out pronouns.
Clarence (Pansexual)
Dude, it’s canon that this man would screw anything.
Because of Clarence’s own sexuality, he was very accepting of Ash when she came out. But he doesn’t quite understand Fox’s sexuality.
I don’t believe Clarence would have ever labelled himself (he’d also have no clue what pansexual is). He just likes what he likes.
Sherly (Heterosexual, biromantic)
She strikes me as the sort of person who would have had a lesbian relationship in college or high school.
While ultimately be heterosexual, she would be fine with having a relationship with a woman (she’d just never get into bed with them).
Sherly and Gary bond over being bi.
Lord Commander (Super Straight)
Only assholes identify as super straight
Super straight joke aside, he strikes me as an asexual homoromantic being who only gets a hard-on for power.
Jack definitely had a crush on John. Can’t change my mind on that.
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stuckonspidey · a month ago
touching the limit ⚑ six
SUMMARY; Haas are at the back of the field, struggling for money, with constant threats from their owner of leaving the sport all together. In one last desperate attempt to keep them afloat, the team principle decides to send his drivers on a publicity mission; be the first team in F1 history to have a couple racing together. Callum knows he needs to do everything to keep his seat, while Mick wants to do everything he can to prove his team needs him more than just his surname. But the last thing Callum wants is to date his former championship rival–least of all if it could make his darkest secret public knowledge. (Enemies to lovers, Schulott!Haas AU, fake dating.)
PAIRING; Mick Schumacher x Callum Ilott
WORDS; 9887
WARNING; swearing, crashes (multiple times), self inflicted injuries, mazepin (i'm sorry), homophobic slurs and actions. i made lando out to be a dick but i don't think he is this is just for the story and has nothing to do with him pls don't hate me, also see if you can catch which other ship of mine i hid in there, the suspension of disbelief has to be strong with this one i know no race in barcelona will turn out like this
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vi. full send
Callum didn't have more than two days at home with Poppy before he needed to go back to Gatwick and get on another plane towards another country.
It was only the fourth race of the season, but Callum was already used to it all. Coming home and unpacking, going through a full body (and mind) recovery, before his eyes were set towards the next track he needed to learn. He even put two hours aside every night to play the game, as a simulator of sorts. Even though Ferrari had a whole room in Maranello dedicated to exactly that, and the FDA were allowed full access, Callum didn't want to go. He cherished the days he had all to himself, they were rare and invigorating and he needed them more than a professional simulator right now.
But of course, Callum knew how dangerous it was to get used to this routine. Not because of the rarity of a double header (it wasn't even that rare this year) but because of the fatal reminder he had last week in Portugal.
His seat was not safe.
It will never be safe when someone like him keeps circling him, like a shark. A very rich shark. And even though Callum did the best he could in Portimao, placing himself in front of both Williams', it wasn't enough. It would never be enough--not unless he somehow won a race or 20 million pounds fell into his lap. The latter was more likely, but Callum wasn't holding out hope for either.
He didn't tell his mum about FP1, about how they somehow agreed to let that excuse of a driver have his car for an hour. It wasn't that hard to guess why they agreed to it, of course, when Callum saw the posts on social media, a new sticker on their cars claiming the company his dad owned.
Cash is King.
When she did find out, however, Callum got a whole lecture about his worth and about how other teams did it too, and he needn't worry about it at all.
"Yeah, but remember last year wh--"
"--nothing, my love. You are their driver and you are doing everything you can to show how much they need you."
You don't even know, mum, he wanted to say. But didn't.
"One more thing," she added, timidly. Callum raised his brows, it was rare he heard his mother hesitant towards him. "You would tell me if you're seeing someone, right?"
"Yeah, of course," Callum answered instantly.
"So," his mother tried again, "have you changed your mind?"
"About what?"
"How you said you'd stay quiet about being bisexual."
"I am quiet about it," Callum said firmly.
"So you're not seeing anyone in the paddock?"
Shit, Callum sighed. He was so preoccupied with Nikita he didn't even register what his mother was trying to ask. It was then he realised he never told her what was actually going on.
He wasn't sure where to start, and after running a hand through his hair in search of words, his mother spoke up again.
"I just read this article in the morning and I wasn't sure if they were just out of things to write or if there was truth in it."
"What did the article say?"
She paused.
"Mick Schumacher's new--"
"--that's not about me then," he cut her off. The last thing he needed was to hear that name.
"Let me finish?" Callum grunted in response. "New teammate has been dropping hints linking the two together romantically."
"Where did they get that from?" Callum all but squealed. He couldn't ignore the hurt that followed being called his teammate. Like he didn't even have a name, a team of his own. A mark.
"Nowhere, I guess. They are a site focused on proud celebrities so maybe they were just wanting to--"
"--send me the link."
Blunt wasn't Callum's style, not when his family was involved, and so his mother knew to take that as a sign this conversation was finished. After a good luck and safe travels exchanged, the call was over and Callum read over the article carefully.
They pointed out every single interaction the pair ever had, every single comment Callum made on obscure posts. Everything. The hands in that video back in Fiorano and the hugs and the captions and the heart emoji. Even the background of Robert's video from Bahrain. Every single thing.
Callum knew he was in the spotlight, he knew Mick was even more, he knew he did all those things to be found out--but he didn't realise just how much people would notice.
The article was tasteful, with it being a queer website to begin with, and for a second Callum felt proud to see his name under a rainbow banner. An athlete who belonged to the community. If anything, the writer was happy to have him, happy to even name out his and Mick's accomplishments.
Callum almost felt safe.
He copied the link and quickly sent it out to Mikayla.
'Do you want me to correct them on your being bisexual?'
She typed back.
Callum felt a panic light through him, as if he was just electrocuted. Then he remembered the stupid comment he made the day the deal was forged, asking to be seen by the public as bisexual. Why would he ask that? He didn't want the article to correct itself with his true sexuality, nor did he want a spokesperson from his end to get involved. That would confirmed it all, that would make it far too real.
At least now he had some sort of protection in saying they were just making it up. He could delay it. Delay the inevitable, sure, but still delay it. Until he was ready.
'nah, better to keep them guessing and talking. right?'
'You would be a great PR personal xx' she wrote back.
'by the way, you know im not bi?'
'Don't worry, just wanna make sure you're happy with what is written about you two. You still have control over that.'
Callum let out a sigh. He was grateful Mikayla at least understood a piece of what he was going through.
For good measure, Callum sent the link to Mick, too.
After thirty minutes, his phone rang bravely.
"Well done," his German accent came through loudly.
"Yeah, Mikayla was happy."
"I didn't even notice half the things they pointed out," Mick said.
"That's because I'm better at this than you," Callum tried urging the smirk off his face, but it was a losing game.
"Obviously much better," he laughed. "I have a question, though."
Callum nodded, unseen by anyone but Poppy.
"Do we need to clarify what we are?" Mick asked eventually.
"We're together," Callum said simply. Far too easily.
"Yeah, I know. I meant like.. bi or gay or anything."
"I'm not--"
"--I know Callum, I know you're not gay. Just for the media."
"What does that mean?" Callum asked slowly. All he wanted to say was that he wasn't sure, but Mick's harsh tone stopped him from speaking. It's been a while since he heard his teammate speak with nothing but patience towards another person.
"You've been pretty obvious about it, and I know you've had girlfriends so just stop worrying," he exasperated.
"It's not that horrible to be gay and it's really weird to me that you get so upset over it."
Callum could tell Mick was holding those thoughts in for a while, given how quickly he was voicing them. Like he needed to get it all out before he regrets it.
"It's not horrible," Callum agreed, "just… scary."
Mick stayed quiet. So Callum took in a big breath and spoke on.
"Sports isn't the most accepting place, of anything. Least of all of two dudes being even slightly nice towards each other. So imagine the outrage when people find out."
"Find out?" Mick asked, his voice slightly lighter than before.
Callum couldn't say it. He couldn't. He tried, he opened his mouth twice and prepared the words by his tongue but he couldn't say it. Not over the phone, not to him.
"I meant when Mikayla decides to make it obvious," Callum said, defeated.
If Callum didn't know any better, he'd think Mick was disappointed. But Callum was sure he was just looking for a secret to use against him.
"To answer your question," Callum said as he took in a big breath, "I think it's better we wait before we make any comments. Let them guess."
"Okay," Mick agreed. "Anyway we need to make up for last week."
Callum felt his brows twist together. "You barely looked at me in Portimao."
"Enough people saw the hug I gave you in parc ferme," Callum dismissed, dismissing the hurt he heard in Mick's voice. He couldn't let himself get caught up in what he thinks he might've heard.
"Are you mad at me?" Mick asked, his voice small.
"Should I be?" Callum retorted.
"No, but you clearly are."
"Come on, Mick, you don't have to act like a needy girlfriend when it's just us," Callum chuckled dryly. He cringed outwardly, bringing a hand over his eyes. He regretted the words as soon as he said them, the insensitivity making him feel like an absolute dick. But he couldn't unsay it.
Callum was sure that if he was right in front of Mick, he wouldn't have dared say it. But maybe it was easier when it was just his voice. His tender, small voice.
In all honesty, Callum couldn't help his actions last week. He let himself get so caught up in his own hurt he ignored his teammate. But maybe he deserved it. Callum had to convince himself that he did.
"Guess I'll see you tomorrow," Mick dismissed before the line went dead.
Callum groaned.
Mick was instructed to wait for Callum in the hotel lobby, told they were to come to the track in the same car. For that reason both of their names were on the rental car parked downstairs, with only one key distributed between the pair.
It's not that Mick was planning on going anywhere that wasn't track related, but knowing he'd have to do everything according to Callum's schedule wasn't the best way to start off the weekend.
More so when Callum was already five minutes late. To Mick that felt like an hour.
He wanted to call him, just to remind him he was in fact waiting, but he didn't want to be a needy girlfriend.
Mick tried to ignore that comment as much as he could--but his brain kept going back to it. All he asked was one simple question, but the more he thought about it the more he knew Callum was right. They weren't together and he owed Mick nothing, even if Mick's heart jumped over a beat when Callum so easily proclaimed the opposite.
A ding from the lifts brought Mick's attention up from his lap, as he saw Callum walking out towards him.
He offered his fist out, and Mick bumped his own against it.
“You driving?” Callum asked as the pair made their way down towards the car park.
In response, Mick simply lifted the keys in his hand with a small juggle. Callum nodded.
“It’s dumb that we only have one key,” he said slowly.
Mick got in the car, waiting for Callum to buckle up and hook his phone into the bluetooth system and pull up the navigation screen before he answered.
“Do you need the car for something?”
“Just thought I might catch dinner with some people,” he shrugged.
Mick couldn’t help the jealousy setting into his stomach, but he chose to ignore it. He knew he wouldn’t want to be distracted by socialising anyway.
“You can take the car for that then,” Mick nodded at him. “Who, uh, who were you meeting?”
“Lando said I should join him for food.” Mick nodded. “You want in?”
“--Max might come if you ask. Since Lando is there,” Callum assured him. Mick almost wanted to smile.
“A strange group of people, don’t you think?”
“Bet we could get Lando to invite Charles and Arthur too, just so you’re more comfortable.”
This time Mick did let a smile form on his face.
He let himself look over at Callum, sitting pretty in his passenger seat. Mick didn’t want to think too much about it, because the more he did the more he wanted to place his hand on Callum’s thigh. Instead he focused on the music playing through the speakers.
“This song is horribly offensive,” Mick commented when he caught on to at least three swear words rapped in the last five seconds. Callum giggled at that, his eyes scrunching into his nose.
“Shotgun always picks the music, so you can’t complain,” Callum said, smiling.
Mick didn’t want to complain about anything--and for a moment he forgot about Callum’s harsh comments yesterday.
He promised himself he’d ask about it when they were face to face, because maybe he just didn’t understand him with a phone bridging between them. Now, he just didn’t want to--Mick much preferred this moment. Callum sitting next to him, tapping his hands on his knees in sync to the song he chose for them. The simplicity of it all was far too welcoming, and Mick had to grasp the steering wheel as hard as he could to stop from reaching a hand over to his teammate.
As they parked the car--seeing the line of photographers waiting for the drivers in the distance--Mick couldn’t help but hope Callum wanted to put on a show for them. He even let himself ask.
“Yeah, to make up for last week,” Callum answered, a knowing smirk on his brows.
But Mick didn’t feel the hostility Callum had for him yesterday, if anything, it felt like that night in his hotel room when they flirted. Mick tried calling it anything else, anything but, but that was the only word that made sense.
He heard that conversation play back in his head every day since it happened and he realised exactly why Callum had that reputation around him. He really was exceptionally good at flirting; Mick found himself hoping he’d do it again.
Even if it was in front of the cameras, that didn’t matter to him. He just wanted to see that sparkle in his bright eyes again.
The pair left the car, Mick pocketing the keys quickly, and made their way towards the paddock. More than a few of the cameras pointed towards them but Callum made no move to show any form of physical aff--contact towards Mick.
It was then Mick noticed his hand was still in his pocket.
“Oh, sorry,” he said quickly, taking his hand out and dropping it by his side.
Callum smirked at him.
“I never said I’d hold your hand.” There it was, that sparkle again.
Mick couldn’t help but smile back as his eyebrows flicked upwards.
And before he could question what Callum had planned, the Brit took the bright blue hat off his head and placed it on his own.
Mick instinctively brought a hand to his hair, trying to uncover any unwanted kinks the hat might’ve caused, but then he looked over at his teammate. Who was now wearing his hat.
He looked up and down as he took the sight of him in--dressed in all black, with a lanyard dropping from his neck and the blue cap sitting over his incredibly wavy hair.
“Can I have my hat back?” Mick asked even though he didn’t really want it back, he much preferred how it looked on Callum, but he was sure there’d be some sort of sponsor mess if Mick wasn’t seen with the logo somewhere on him.
“I think we should do who wore it best,” Callum said loudly, his words aimed at one of the cameramen now following them around. “What do you think?”
“I’m sure the fans will have a lot to say,” he responded gleefully, as the shutter went off in lighting speed.
With that Callum shot his brows up at Mick, a smirk clear on his face, before he conceded the hat back to his teammate.
“If your boyfriend told you you looked good without a cap would you stop wearing them?” Callum questioned casually.
Mick swallowed. It still felt less than natural to hear Callum referring to himself in that way, and then he wasn’t sure what he should be more concerned about. That, or the fact Callum thought he looked good without a cap or that he thought he looked good at all and then Mick wasn’t quite sure if it was a completely rhetorical question or not. Did Callum call himself Mick’s boyfriend, or was he just asking something unrelated?
“I wear them for the sponsors,” Mick said, avoiding the question altogether.
“So tonight for dinner will you wear one?”
“I don’t have to,” Mick said, eyes slightly wide.
“Good,” Callum smiled.
“Am I coming as your boyfriend?”
“Did you tell Max?” Callum asked instead. Mick had to assume he didn’t even hear the question.
“That it’s fake? No.”
“It didn’t come up,” he dismissed.
“And Arthur?”
“I told him we slept together in Bahrain,” Mick blurted out. At that Callum stopped in his tracks, just in front of the Williams hospitality.
“What?” Callum yelled.
Mick felt a blush warming his cheeks, and his neck, and his chest, and suddenly he was very grateful he had the cap on to hide most of it. Not enough though, he was sure.
“He kept asking questions and I wasn’t really sure how to say it so--”
“--so you told him it was real?”
“No, okay, he just assumed it was and then he got really happy and the more I tried to explain that it wasn’t the more he kind of edged me on and I don’t know it just came out.”
Callum started walking again, slower than before but at least he was moving, and Mick had to jump slightly to catch up with him.
“What’s the story then?” Mick’s head dipped to the side curiously. “You obviously told him a story about how we got together so let’s make sure our stories match.”
“I just said that after you borrowed my shirt we went up to my room and celebrated and yeah,” Mick couldn’t even register his own voice, he wasn’t even sure it was him speaking. The ground beneath him was more than fascinating.
“That’s not a bad story,” Callum nodded. “Who made the first move?”
“Clearly you did,” Mick chuckled.
“And why’s that, Schumi?”
Mick then laughed, doing everything he could to ignore what that nickname did to the inside of his liver. “You’re a massive flirt.”
“You’re not wrong,” Callum dipped his head slightly.
The pair came to a stop as they stood outside the Haas hospitality, waiting by the tables for the rest of the PR crew to arrive.
“So after I flirted with you all night did you just jump my bones?”
Mick took in a sharp breath. “I would never do that.” His voice came out smaller than what Mick thought it could even be, and for a second he was almost scared. He looked up and realised Callum was far closer to him than he needed to be.
“Yeah, you’re too shy for your own good,” Callum observed.
“I just don’t think you’re that good of a flirt,” Mick pushed, “it would take something very impressive to make me jump someone’s bones.” He put air quotes around the sentiment, allowing Callum to know just how ridiculous that statement was.
“Well, surely you at least kissed me first,” Callum tired, sighing with great emphasis.
Mick smirked. “No, you flirted with me all night, and then kissed me, and then after getting too caught up in it all it happened.”
“That’s a nice story,” he rolled his eyes, “but I’m pretty sure if I did flirt with you it would take two seconds before you turned into a mess.”
Mick noticed his eyes weren’t on Callum’s anymore, they were focused on the small stubble around his lips.
“Why do you say that?”
“Because I always get who I want,” Callum said, his voice so low and deep Mick could almost feel it against his bones.
For a second Mick wondered what that felt like, to be able to use a few words before letting someone in like that--and then he realised he wasn’t that jealous of Callum. He didn’t care that he always got the girls he wanted, he could only focus on how good it sounded when he said it.
In a way, Mick almost felt like he was being challenged. But not in the usual ‘they always race each other’ way--it felt different, so different he couldn’t really describe it, he couldn't name it. All Mick knew was that he liked how it felt.
“Good morning!” A voice said from behind them, causing Mick to jump backwards. Mikayla smiled at the pair of them before handing each a sheet with their media duties for the day.
After that, Mick didn’t see Callum until they drove back to the hotel.
Callum only had an hour to himself after his long day before it was time to drive off to the agreed upon restaurant. His brain was slightly fuzzy, what from answering the same three questions for hours, but it was easily pushed aside when he saw his friends gathered around a table.
He almost didn’t care that he was stuck sharing a car with Mick. If anything, it was nice to have him there. Because Arthur liked him, that is.
After fist bumps and hugs were exchanged, the boys all sat down--talking about anything and everything and almost no one mentioned racing. They mentioned work, of course, pointing out their shared dislike of one particular Sky presenter--but no chicanes were mentioned.
“It’s like,” Max started, jumping in his seat as both hands lifted from the table as he spoke, “he keeps trying to make this big deal about the championship like I don’t know who Lewis is.”
“I think he just doesn’t want you to win it,” Lando shrugged. There was a small silence around the table as almost everyone looked over at Charles.
“Come on,” he tsked, “I’m not in this battle.”
“Yeah, Lando is closer than you are,” Arthur said. Charles' eyes bulged out of his head.
“Even my own brother,” he sighed.
At that Lando smirked proudly towards the siblings, glad to be pointed out in such a way, before Mick coughed slightly.
He turned to Callum, eyes wide and confused and Callum had to do everything to swallow down the bit of salad he just took.
“I’m sorry, who are you talking about?”
“Rosberg,” Max practically shuddered.
“Do you know him?” Lando asked.
“We all do,” Mick said plainly.
“No, right, I meant you know. You two are German.”
Mick wasn’t sure what to say to that. “Do you know every British driver ever?”
“Pretty much,” Lando chuckled. “Besides, not all of them were teammates with my dad.”
Instinctively, Mick looked over at Max. They locked eyes for a second, and he knew Max was offering him silent sympathy. But that’s all he had to offer.
“They were not close,” was all Mick said.
“Of course they weren’t, Nico is a dick,” Max emphasised.
“Don’t people say that about Schumacher, too?” Lando said casually. Everyone froze.
Mick hasn’t exchanged more than five sentences with Lando since the season started, and even though they were almost exactly the same age--they never talked throughout their life, not even when they raced in the same category.
Mick wasn’t expecting that kind of sentiment at all, but he couldn’t say he wasn’t surprised.
All he did was shrug in response.
“I just mean that maybe you guys shouldn’t be that harsh on Nico when he’s just doing his job for Sky.”
“He’s being quite rude on Max,” Charles said, “and I don’t like that.”
“Well, he obviously knows what he’s doing. He’s the only man who beat Lewis in this era and he did outperform Schumacher spectacularly.”
“Norris, would you shut up about that?” Callum snapped.
“Just stop talking about Michael,” he ordered.
Lando grinned. “Sorry, lover boy.”
No one noticed the way Mick disappeared into himself, no one saw how small he felt all of a sudden. Mick was sure none of them even cared.
He didn't see that Callum was looking right at him from the second Lando had started talking. Callum knew it was harder for Mick to open up to people--and he knew how easily Lando got carried away.
Mick was far too mortified to even care that Callum was defending him, and it was in that moment he wished he did wear a cap tonight, just so he could hide from the shame Lando faced him with.
After hearing him call Callum that, Mick grabbed his phone and left.
“You’re a fucking twat,” Max proclaimed, before hitting Lando across the back of his head and following Mick out.
Callum took a moment to breath.
“What did I say?” Lando shrugged.
“You were being a prick about his dad,” Callum snapped.
“People talk about his dad all the time,” Lando rolled his eyes.
“There’s a time and a place, Lando, and you clearly couldn’t tell how uncomfortable he was.”
“Mate, you’ve been his teammate for two minutes and suddenly you’re a Mick expert?”
Without realising he did it, Callum looked over at Arthur. All he could do was bring his lips into a thin line--silently telling him it wasn’t worth fighting about.
Just as the conversation moved onto different things, Lando and Charles exchanging thoughts on the golf course they visited in the morning, Mick came back inside--Max closely behind.
Callum saw a faint redness in Mick's eyes, a serious scowl on Max's features--and something moved within him. Almost like he wanted to hurt Norris for making Mick look that way, for making his dimples disappear without a trace.
“Here,” he handed Callum the keys to their car, “Max is driving me back I don’t want your fun to get ruined.”
“Mick,” Callum stood up, taking Mick’s wrist in his hand, “I’ll take you back if you want.”
“Don’t worry about it,” he dismissed, “it’s really okay.”
“Yeah, Callum,” Lando said, watching the interaction from the corner of his eye, “let him leave.”
“Mate, what is wrong with you?” Max interrupted, nudging Lando’s shoulder harshly.
“I just don’t appreciate all this bumfucking in front of my meal.”
It seemed that the whole restaurant heard what Lando said, or at least that’s what it felt like to Callum. Like the whole world came to a stand still. He’s had hurtful things said about him, or about that part of him, in the past--but never by a fellow driver. Never by anyone over the age of sixteen.
Callum wasn’t really sure what to do, what to say, how to react.
He just froze.
He spent his whole career making sure no one even suspected that of him, he did everything to deny this moment from ever arising. And now that it did he simply couldn't think of any physical, verbal, mental, response to Lando. A guy he knew since he was nine.
“You need to leave,” Charles said, firmly.
Lando looked around himself, eyes squinting in amusement as he shook his head. "I was just taking the piss."
"Then apologise," Charles insisted. Lando simply shrugged as he took another bite of his food. When Charles got no answer from his friend, he lifted his hand and spoke louder. “I’m not joking, Norris. Go.”
For good measure, Max shoved his shoulder one more time, and at that Lando rolled his eyes heavily and got up. “See you on track,” he mumbled as he left. "Can't even take a joke."
Callum still couldn’t move.
It wasn’t until Mick ran a hand across his back that Callum felt like he had a body again--that he wasn’t tingling with fear all across his cells. He returned to his seat, clutching the car keys in his hand, trying his best to look at the things around him--to ground himself.
When Max sat down, he whispered something in Charles’ ear--which brought a blush to the Monegasque’s cheeks--but in a second it was all forgotten when Arthur told them about his girlfriend’s birthday next month and what he could get her for a present.
From there the conversation sprialled and before too long they were laughing again. Even Mick was telling jokes.
Callum almost forgot about what Lando said--and the more he thought about it, the more he was sure Lando was simply around too many of the wrong kind of people. Sometimes success does that to a person.
Callum hoped that wouldn’t happen to him.
As they drove back to the hotel, deciding ten was far too late to stay out with the day waiting for all of them, it was Mick’s turn to choose the music.
It was a calm melody, and soothing, and everything Callum needed to end his day. He looked over at Mick, just to make sure he wasn’t still thinking about what Lando said the first time--and when he caught him staring out the window, he brought his hand onto Mick’s thigh.
“You okay?” He asked, as his thumb moved against the seam of his black jeans.
Mick nodded. “Just didn’t expect Norris to be like that.”
“You see what I meant now?” Callum asked, referring to the conversation from yesterday. Or was it last week? Callum couldn’t even tell you what day it was or when he got off the plane in Barcelona.
“Yeah, we should definitely wait more before we do anything. We can talk to Mikayla tomorrow.”
Callum nodded, as he skillfully drove back with one hand on the steering wheel--the other parked on Mick’s thigh.
Mick let Callum drive in the morning, claiming he was too tired and wanted to enjoy his warm drink instead of focusing on the road. Callum didn’t mind--he’d have all morning doing nothing, at least he’d get to drive something today.
Callum almost let himself forget about free practice--until he saw Mazepin arrive at the paddock right as the pair locked the car. His dad was right beside him, walking around him like a bodyguard. Like they were dangerous.
And Callum knew that they were.
Mick’s hand settled on Callum’s back--right where his ribs were--as he pushed his thoughts away from the Russian.
“It’s just one session,” Mick tried, and although Callum knew Mick would never ever understand the pure agony he was in, it wouldn’t do any good to snap at him for it.
It wasn’t his fault Callum wasn’t the son of some rich mobster.
And it wasn’t Mick’s fault he was the son of a legend.
It wasn’t Callum’s fault he was the son of a nobody.
That was just the world they were in--and although racing wasn’t in Callum’s blood, it was in his bones. And he would do anything to keep his seat.
Callum settled on the pitwall, his radio system on and over his ears and doing everything he could to listen to that rather than what the commentators were saying. He didn’t even wanna think about what was being said--if his name was being mentioned, if they were already starting the absurd rumours around silly season. Callum knew it was called that for a reason, and he knew his name would inevitably be part of it this year just as it was the year before. Now more than ever, with him on the track, a super license in hand and the sobering reminder he was the driver Haas announced last year.
Callum knew he never wanted to see that headline repeating itself.
“Oh come on!” He heard coming in through the radio, “what is he doing?”
Then Callum had to hear his own engineer coaching him through the corners, telling him it was all going to be okay.
He had to remember to breathe in deeply, to exhale through his mouth, to think about FP2 later that day.
This was just one session and already he spun across the track--making himself look like a complete idiot. And Callum knew that was all he needed to do; because the worse he looked the better Callum would drive and surely that would mean more than money to Gunther. Right?
Soon Callum jumped in the car, one that had his own number on it wearing his own racesuit and his own helmet that he designed specifically for Barcelona. It was all his and his place was within the team and he proved that.
And what he had to endure last night from Lando was proof enough that he even made sacrifices for the team.
Even though they would never hear about that incident, nor would they care--quite frankly--but Callum knew it happened. And that was enough motivation to keep pushing and to keep proving himself to them.
In front of him, just as Callum was shifting up to sixth gear, he saw a bright orange car moving closer and closer to Mick’s black one.
Closer and closer and closer and before Callum could stop himself he pushed the radio button and asked, “is Mick battling Norris?”
“It appears so, Callum, but no worries. Just make sure you’re alert.”
Callum followed them (where else would he go?) curious as to what was happening, curious to find if he could follow cars so close behind without losing too much performance. If he could, he'd be able to captialise on these exact kind of battles when it mattered most.
He kept glancing towards his tyres, checking to see how they were feeling, and for a moment he looked at the orange car.
What was Lando doing?
As they passed the pit straight, Mick peeled off into the box and Callum was in clear air--until he realised Norris had slowed down for his benefit.
“What’s going on?” He asked, knowing that even if the team couldn’t really communicate directly with McLaren’s pitwall--they might still hear Callum on the radio and maybe that would be enough to get them to clarify the situation.
“You’re in his DRS, maybe try and overtake him,” his engineer offered.
Callum nodded, taking in a big breath as he prepared for the sheer speed the DRS would provide him with in a few meters.
Once the flap was open--Callum moved the car left and then right until he noticed Lando was actually defending against his moves.
“Is he serious?”
Callum tried to come up with some way around the McLaren for another lap and once he arrived back at the DRS zone--Lando Norris brake checked him.
Callum went flying into the air, skirting to a halt across the gravel before his car (and his head) bumped against the tyre barrier.
It happened so fast, Callum didn’t even prepare for impact, and his hands were gripped around the wheel.
When the wheel ricocheted back--he felt a sharp pain across his palm and then in his wrist and then Callum tried to open his eyes.
“Callum are you okay? Are you okay?”
“Fuck, um, yeah. I have no idea what happened,” he said, breathing deeply. He wasn’t even sure if he pressed the radio button or not. “Did the car, is it okay?”
“Callum, how are you feeling?” His engineer pressed.
Callum sighed. “I think I’m okay, I’m not sure.”
“The medical car is on it’s way, can you get out okay?”
Callum tried moving, and he knew that he’d be able to. So he assured his engineer he’d be fine as he disconnected from the radio. As he pulled himself up by the halo, he realised just how much his hand actually ached.
“Double yellows, Mick, double yellows,” Gary said down his ear and Mick made sure to slow his speed down in compliance to the rules.
He didn’t see anything wrong with the track--but it was usually a piece of debris to bring out the yellow flag in this stage of the weekend. It was only when he reached turn 7 that he saw a black car, or the carcass of one, parked in the gravel trap. Smashed against the tyre barrier.
“Red flag, red flag.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Ilott had an accident, but they’re just bringing the red flag out to fix the barrier.”
“Where’s Callum?” Mick rushed down the radio. He could see the medical car in the distance, he could see the absolute state the car was in.
A fear had taken shape in his body and suddenly his tongue tasted awful.
“Callum is fine, everything is fine. They just need to fix the barrier.”
“What happened?”
“We’ll discuss when you get back here, don’t worry,” Gary assured him. It was only three more turns until Mick was back in the garage where the team were all trying to study the footage--thinking of what they could say to the stewards and what they could ask for compensation.
Mick groaned every time the replay showed, hating how his stomach flipped in response to the footage. That crash looked horrible, and it definitely seemed like it could've been avoided.
There was still no sign of his teammate.
“He’s not cleared yet but that’s just regular check ups that are needed,” Gunther said as he walked into the garage, "he's okay though. Nothing to worry."
There were cameras everywhere--following their every move, looking for something to fill the air with as the session came to a halt.
Mick almost wished he kept his helmet on.
Callum was cleared by the medical team, stating he was in great shape and the hand was not broken or fractured--just slightly swollen from the shock of the steering wheel propelling backwards and unto his hand.
But with some ice and some rest, he should be fine for tomorrow.
And that’s all Callum needed to hear.
Because even if Nikita spun at least he didn’t crash out the car--completely on his own.
Callum watched the footage again and again and he was sure it wasn’t his fault, but when he watched the Sky replay--the one where Martin Brundle blamed him for the incident, he was suddenly unsure what he saw before that made him confident in his innocence.
Was he really at fault?
And if he was, how the fuck could he make a mistake as stupid as that--with everyone’s eyes on him this weekend?
How could he let himself be that careless, that stupid, that incompetent.
Walking over to his bathroom, he decided he just needed to wash his face and calm down. It was going to be fine.
As the cold water stung against his bruise, Callum grimaced.
How could he be so stupid, how could he do that, how.
He kept probing himself with that useless question, kept trying to make sense of it all. Kept trying to find someone else who was at fault, someone that wasn’t him. It was easier to blame the whole world on it--but perhaps Brundle was right. Perhaps it simply was an inexperienced drive from Illot.
He’d have to make amends.
“Fuck,” Callum sighed as he placed a hand on either side of the sink. He kept thinking back at what happened yesterday, about what Lando said about Mick and Nico and himself--about how Lando acted.
Was he actually doing it on purpose, was he actually trying to hurt them? And if so, if that’s really what caused the accident today--shouldn’t he tell Mikayla and Gunther? Should he bring it up as an official complaint to the stewards and would he need to repeat the language Lando chose to use last night?
Would he have to confess who he really was?
Callum started shaking, sobs echoing through his chest, escaping him before he could cage them in his stomach.
Did he really just lose Lando as a friend, as an ally, and as a driver? Did he just make himself a target?
His thoughts wouldn’t stop--they wouldn’t let him rest, he could barely see anything. Nothing made sense and everything made him afraid and Callum hated feeling so out of breath.
With every inch of strength in him, Callum brought his hand up and smashed it against the wall. For a moment he felt better--and so he did it again.
And again. And again.
And only when he felt a very definite crack did he stop.
Mick waited, rather impatiently, by the lift doors for Callum to come down. He was impatient yesterday and the day before--as Callum never quite learned the term punctual--but today his nerves were far more concerned about what state he’d find Callum in.
The FIA made an official announcement claiming car #53 (Ilott) was involved in a collision with car #4 (Norris) and both parties were healthy and able to participate in the remaining session. The McLaren was almost unscratched after the accident, suffering a simple, fixable puncture--while the Haas mechanics were left all night working on Callum’s car to try and salvage it quickly enough to make it onto the grid for FP3.
Although there was an official hearing with the stewards, Mick was not privy to that, but he was sure it would be discussed during the morning briefing. And he was certain the media would ask about it endlessly--considering he, too, was involved in the fight with Norris.
Mick didn’t want to think about why Lando acted the way that he did, what proud egotistical motives he had behind his driving, but he knew he’d have to smile for the cameras and say they were just racing drivers.
Because they were and that was the beginning and end of it.
Mick was sure it had nothing to do with Lando’s comments.
In all honesty--he never let himself consider the backlash they might have when their stunt developed further. He was so caught up in Mikayla’s praise, and the promise he got from Gunther that it would all be worth it.
But would it be worth it if other drivers act that way towards them? Would it be worth it if their names are dragged through the mud?
“Morning,” a deep voice said behind him, and as Mick turned around his heart leaped in his chest.
“Cal, what the fuck happened?” He reached for Callum’s right hand, covered in a bandage. “They said you were cleared.”
“Yeah,” Callum avoided his eyes, “I think I slept on it wrong or something because when I woke up it hurt pretty badly.”
Mick’s eyebrows rose up.
“The crash was a lot worse than they thought,” Callum tried again. The sparkle in the blue eyes in front of him told him Mick simply did not believe that explanation. But he dropped it anyway.
Mick decided it was his turn to drive, so Callum wouldn’t be in any more pain, and when they arrived on track--Mick realised what the bandage really meant.
Breaking News! His phone said. Nikita Mazepin to replace Callum Ilott at the Spanish Grand Prix.
“Cal,” Mick sighed when he saw it, but the boy next to him had his sunglasses on and Mick couldn’t tell what he was thinking. The only hint he had was the clench in his jaw.
When Mick reached his pinky towards Callum’s, he let him, and the pair walked with their fingers intertwined.
They quickly stepped away from each other as they entered the meeting room--full of mechanics and engineers and the driver who came to replace Callum.
“I’m demanding he gets a penalty,” Gunther yelled as soon as he saw the injury first hand. “That’s not fucking acceptable of him and it’s dangerous behaviour.”
“It was my fault,” Callum shrugged as they sat down.
“Was it?” Gunther asked firmly. He looked right at Callum, right in his eyes.
Gunther had this quality, this ability to make everyone forget about the politics. The niceties, the words they learned to say. He made them all feel like they could just do their jobs--regardless of if they came across rude or demanding. Whatever Callum needed of Gunther, he knew he would get.
“Can we have this conversation in private?” Callum asked, as he felt Mazepin’s hardened stare at the back of his neck.
With a shake of his head, the team principal excused everyone from the room--bar Callum, Mick and Mikayla.
And then Callum told them what happened at the restaurant and how Lando reacted and how Callum had this awful feeling that what happened wasn’t purely professional territory. Gunther rubbed his eyes together as he sighed.
“Well, we complain to the stewards.”
“On what grounds?”
“Unsporting behaviour and discrimination,” Mikayla read out as she pulled the rule book up on her phone. Their boss nodded before he pulled out a very official form, and started writing down the details. Mick had started to recall his own experience from yesterday as he drove by the McLaren and Gunther quickly scribbled down notes.
“Can’t we just call this off?” Callum said, quietly. “You said it wouldn’t get in the way of our racing and clearly it has.”
“There’s nothing to call off at the moment,” Mikayla said, “right now people are speculating but there’s nothing official stating you two are a couple.”
“Exactly,” Callum insisted, “so let’s just stop it here before it becomes official and then we can’t take it back.”
“Enough,” Gunther said. “This is unfortunate but we will take care of it.”
“This isn’t exactly good PR anymore thou--”
“--everyone is talking about Haas now. We have an unexpected change in driver, there’s been battles on track already in practice, there was a crash. A lot of airtime and that’s what we wanted. Also Mikayla says there’s been more engagement and googling and everything so the plan is working. We’re not being chickens now because one driver is fucking acting like a dick.”
There wasn’t anything left for Callum to say, other than recalling his own memories of the crash for Gunther’s official complaint.
Mick managed to outqualify his teammate, even making an appearance in Q2, placing himself 15th on the starting grid. He had his usual rivals for company, with George starting three slots above him, and Mazepin making no impression at all--planting the second Haas down in P20.
It didn’t surprise Mick at all that he qualified so many places above him, he knew exactly what kind of driver that person was, but it felt satisfying nonetheless. Given how good the car was on this track, he couldn’t help but wonder what incredible thing Callum would’ve managed to do if he was there with him.
The only thing Mick could think of as he started his formation lap was how alone he was on the grid. Max was sitting on pole, Sebastian was P5, and the others were just colleagues. He never felt so alone in his life.
The lights went out and Mick convinced himself that all he had to do was catch up to George and then he’d win the race. That was his only goal.
But he couldn’t stop thinking about the fact he was no longer racing with Callum, trying to beat him. George was a hopeless ask of himself, he knew that, Callum was who he always tried to chase. Instead he had a teammate who had no business in a Formula One car, no business wearing their colours.
Callum wasn’t there anymore to make him better.
And Mick knew it was stupid to rely on someone so heavily--he knew he should fight to get points regardless of who his teammate was--but having someone who was so clearly better than him by his side made him better. Callum made him so much better.
He was losing place after place, quickly falling back as everyone passed him, making moves Mick could see from miles away yet somehow still he let them happen. He let them all just pass.
It was only when he saw a car identical to his overtake him that Mick lost all hope.
Callum sat by the pitwall, exchanging his usual Sunday racesuit for a mundane team branded shirt. But at least he got to see everything from the best vantage point. Maybe he’d learn something new.
Callum wouldn’t say that he was rooting for Mick--because he really wasn’t--but if Mick could beat Mazepin in his spectacle way (the same way he beat Callum last year in Sochi) Callum would probably buy him something nice. Or congratulate him. Or something.
“Someone has to say something to him,” Mick’s engineer sighed as he saw his driver fall down to P20. Even Gary didn’t know what to do, even he wasn’t sure what happened to Mick in the last 15 laps.
Callum wasn’t sure he should, wasn’t sure how Mick or the team would react--but just like in any race, there was no time to think and calculate. He just had to do. So he went with his gut, let it move his finger onto the talk button and speak.
“Can you open the channel?” They all looked at him like he was crazy, completely out of his mind, but after a small nod from Gunther, the engineer clicked the button and told Callum to speak.
“Mick, it’s Callum.”
“Cal,” they heard back, his voice airy and quick. They all looked over at the data--instantly his telemetry showed ten more miles an hour.
“You can still get him,” Callum said, now very aware the whole world could have access to this radio message. He had to choose his words carefully. “Nikita is 2.6 seconds ahead. 2.6 seconds.”
“I can see,” he grunted back.
“Then don’t let that d--don’t let him win. Fucking get him, Schumi.”
After that it only took two more laps until Mick had a window to overtake him--and once in clear air he was practically flying. One after the other he cleared them out of the way, and before the pit window was open, Mick was up to P11.
Only one more overtake and he’d score their first points of the season.
Callum couldn’t stop biting his tongue, his foot jumping up and down as the nerves flew through him. He never felt so tense watching a race before, the insides of his elbows were sweating.
“It’s not often we hear a teammate on the radio,” Crofty commented after the broadcast replayed Callum’s encouraging war cry.
“Yeah, well. There’s been a lot of talk about these two as we’ve mentioned countless times before but whatever it is they have going on, it’s clearly working.”
“Clearly it is,” he laughed, “Mick Schumacher is absolutely flying now!”
“He’s right on the gearbox of the Williams’, both teams will do anything for even that one point in P10 and I’m sure we’ll see a very interesting battle du--”
“--Oh, and there’s contact! There’s contact at the front!”
The whole pitlane burst into screams, every team with their own reaction to seeing the leaders going three wide into a corner and only one Red Bull making it out of that corner unscratched.
“It’s going to be a safety car,” the engineer said in Callum’s headset.
In an instant, all of the mechanics walked out towards the boxes, readying tyres and changes and anything they could do--taking full advantage of pitting under a safety car.
Callum turned around as he saw the black car stand still for a record of 2.3 seconds, silently cheering on his team for their work. He looked back at the screens in front of him, frantically checking over the position list. Verstappen leading, from Leclerc, from Vettel, from Norris, from Perez. Both of the Merc cars were out and it was now anyone’s race--even the midfield. Even the backmarkers. Even them.
“Fuck me,” Gunther let out, head in his hands, “he’s P9, I can’t believe he’s P9.”
Callum breathed in through his nose, although he couldn’t really focus on that. All he cared about was Mick’s race.
“And that’s the Williams of George Russell trying to lap the Haas and,” Crofty exclaimed loudly, “I can’t believe it! George Russell crashing out from the points again!”
“What happened what happened?” A Russian accent said down all their headsets. In response, Callum’s engineer had to tell him that Russell clipped the back of his car as Nikita blatantly ignored the blue flags waved his way.
All Callum could do was shake his head in pure disappointment. As long as it wasn’t him racing against George--he quite enjoyed when he did well. Of course, he couldn’t say he was surprised that menace ruined someone’s race in his first outing in Formula One.
It was only one lap before Mick was driving towards the back of the second Haas, and after careful instructions and a very firm message from Callum’s engineer--Nikita moved out of the way to let Mick chase down his next rival; Alonso.
“Chequered flag, Mick, chequered flag.” He heard down his radio.
Mick let out a huge breath. He could see the back of the Alpine for ten laps, but he simply wasn’t fast enough to catch him. Mick let the disappointment float around him. “P8, Mick, that’s P8.”
“What?” Mick was sure he yelled. He lost track of where he was, and Gary made a point never to tell him his position unless he asked--it was easier to focus that way--but under no circumstances was Mick under the impression he managed to drag the car up into the points.
Holy fuck.
“That was a phenomenal drive, Mick, I’m speechless.”
“Are we actually P8 or are you pulling my leg?” Mick chuckled as he started his cool down lap. On the banners he saw Max’s face claiming him to be the winner.
“Mick, that was amazing,” Gunther’s voice sounded in his ears, “first points for us!”
“Oooh, wow,” Mick started laughing, bringing his fist up in the air. He felt like he just won his first ever Grand Prix. “Fuck. Thank you guys, thank you!”
Everyone was hugging Callum, everyone was hugging everyone, and the euphoria around him was addictive. Callum didn’t even care that he wasn’t the one to score points first--because Mick did and he did so while lapping his teammate and outscoring half the field and Callum let himself smile widely at Mikayla’s camera capturing the celebrations.
As she stopped the video, she put a hand on his shoulder and yelled down his ear.
“Go to parc ferme and congratulate him!” He could barely hear, but Callum knew it had to be done.
Frankly, Callum didn’t even care that he was ordered to do it. He wanted to anyway.
He wanted to throw Mick into the air and buy him champagne and spray it all over him. It wasn’t a win and it wasn’t even a podium, but neither of them thought it was possible to drive the car anywhere but last. Whatever they did between practice and qualifying was outstanding. Callum didn’t care about anything but the pride glowing through him.
Callum ran down the pitlane in search of their black car, the one with the bright 47 on it.
Mick was already out of the car, his helmet and his headphone taken out--his hair a messy declaration of how much he was sweating during the race.
As soon as those bright blue eyes caught Callum walking towards him, Mick practically leaped towards his real teammate and wrapped his arms around him as they embraced each other in celebration.
“Yes!” Callum screams down his ears, “Yes, baby!!”
“Where did he finish?” Mick asks, out of breath.
“P16. Plumb last,” Callum informs him, almost proudly. “You lapped him, man.”
“Fuck,” Mick still isn’t letting go of Callum, his arms strong around his shoulders, “before you came on the radio I was sure I’d be last today.”
“Not a chance, Schumi,” Callum rocked him forward, “you got points! You fucking sent it today.”
As he said it, just as the words left his mouth, Mick pushed back from their embrace and with two hands on either side of Callum’s face--he brought their lips together and kissed him.
In the middle of the fucking pitlane.
But Callum didn’t have time to think, he just had to react, and so he brought his hands up around Mick’s back and pulled him closer. After a second or two--the appropriate amount of time for a kiss in public, Callum was sure--the two pulled apart and started walking towards the weighing room.
It was then Callum noticed practically all the cameras were pointing at them--a near silence fell around the paddock.
Oh shit, Callum thought to himself.
Mick brought a hand around his shoulder and after three small slaps he let his teammate go and joined the queue to the scales. Everyone was just looking at them.
Mick, however, had a permanent smile on his face--his dimples taunting Callum. His eyes gleaming. His lips (which were a lot softer than Callum expected) shining and dancing around the giggles that left his mouth.
Callum noticed the look on Lando’s face, he noticed the look on all their faces. He knew Charles and Max were over at the podium celebrating, along with Sebastian--he didn’t want to think how they would’ve reacted.
He didn’t want to think how all of them were reacting.
Callum sent Mick a small thumbs up before he thankfully was able to disappear back into the garage. He thanked his luck that no reporter was allowed to walk down there with him, and soon enough he was out of sight.
It was then Callum noticed his heart race--noticed how warm his cheeks felt, how light his head felt, the small tingle on his lips. He never thought he’d kiss Mick, let alone in front of so many cameras, so many of his colleagues.
Now it was official.
They were no longer speculating about it--they were no longer guessing. They had hard proof and now no one would ever look at Callum Ilott the same way. They’d call him horrible names and his friends and colleague won’t even want to talk to him anymore and his life would be completely ruined and the FIA will probably find a way to penalise him for that kiss and give him a life long ban and all of Callum’s deepest fears were starting to come true.
They talked about this, he promised him they wouldn’t do anything yet and Mick even sent him a knowing, understanding look when he tried to convince Gunther to back down.
Callum thought he knew how hard this was, Callum was sure he understood him.
But he could tell from the way Mick laughed with the other drivers afterwards that he didn’t care about Callum at all.
He just wanted the spotlight--he just wanted even more of the attention on him.
Mick didn’t care about what this meant, he would never understand. They were probably praising him and congratulating him and why would anyone say anything bad about Formula One’s golden boy?
Callum kicked his door shut as he wiped his lips with his thumb.
Fuck Mick Schumacher.
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forever-fighting132 · 3 months ago
There's some stuff I wanted to get off my chest but idk I didn't want anyone I know to know
My mum cheated on my dad, it triggered his bipolar disorder. He went psycho, threatened to smash my mums car up, put nails in her car tyres, wanted us out the house, threatened her, threatened my step dad the guy she cheated with, chased him down with his friends with crowbars threatening to smash his head in.
My dad left eventually no goodbye no nothing for q year. Then he wanted to see us again because he was stable. His new gf had kids, he put them above us always. He was loving tho.
He didn't come get us one Christmas, we waited hours on hours and he still didn't show.
We cut ties off with him at 9ish yrs old. He lives in Ireland now, I speak to him sometimes.
Then growing up my step dad was abusive
I didn't wash a knife up properly and he threw it at me. I splashed him in the middle of summer with cold water, he chucked a jug of boiling hot water over me.
It was little things like that that scared me at first.
Then one day I came out the shower and he called me downstairs still in a towel. With a man I trusted, looked up at as my own father and he raped me. Kept asking if it felt good I was a child I didn't know know to fucking say. I didn't know what to fucking do. He Told me don't tell your mum she wouldn't understand it.
I kept that secret for years. It never happened again.
Idk if he did it to my sister aswell or not. I made a habit to not leave her alone in the house with him for years after.
Then comes secondary school. I got bullied by a girl I thought was my closest friend, she humiliated me from the way I looked to the way I dressed to the way I acted. She made me hate everything about me. She started dating the guy I liked so I stole him from her when they broke up. And did the same with another lad months later. She hated me.
Then came a guy I was close mates with he teamed up with her and together they made me scared to go to school. They petrified me.
Another guy she managed to make hate me was a guy who hated me because I told him to turn round in class once. He messaged me a nasty message that fucks me up still to this day. He made me think I was fucked up. That I was all wrong in the world. He told me to kms and I wanted to for months after that.
There was multiple occasions where I was shoved to the floor where I had my head whacked off a locker hinge. Where I had chewing gum shoved on me, where they blocked my path to lessons to make me feel scared. I had them bully me for hairy arms, for dandruff, for my accent. They had me wanting to die at 14 years old.
Then in college I realised I was bi and a Muslim girl hated how open I was she tried to accuse me of being a rapist an abuser because I said my ex mad eme wanna burn her shit on her front door step and because I said a girl was pretty once. She made me feel so low. I was diagnosed with bpd by an ex gp turned college counsellor, I refuse to go get it officially on record.
At this point I was dating a girl who used to abuse me, beat me to crap, left me high and half dead in a ditch, slept with someone and sent me a pic of them in bed.
Then another girl, who cheated with her ex bf but used me getting off on the phone to get herself wet for him, said she didn't want it but agreed to meet him, agreed to go to his bedroom, agreed to kiss him. She broke up with me a lot, I went to London to see her behind my mums back, I lost my virginity to her. Then she ended things with me while I was with my grandma on Feb 14th because she had been speaking to someone else.
At the same time one of my oldest friends I'd known since 5yrs old had a gf who hated me, hid my lanyard in the hamster cage, poured juice over my head, but a wet umbrella in my pocket with my phone and loads of wires for my phone, hit me on the head with a metal tube for the umbrella. My first never stopped it.
Then I met the girl I thought I was going to be with forever, and I cheated on her with another girl because I was scared of commitment. I fucked her head about. I was scared of everyone around her, so I hooked up with a girl I knew. We ended things very negatively.
Then I lost my best friend, my ex bf. He had a psychotic breakdown and was arrested for vandalism. His dad never wanted to press charges just to get him help but they kept him in a cell and refused to let him see his son. They took his jacket off him because he tried to strangle himself. They left him alone and he killed himself with his trousers. I was the last person to find out.
Then I started seeing my friend I'd known for 10 years, she was a head fuck, one minute she loved me the next she didn't like girls, she hooked up with people behind my back. Refused to ever see me, left me outside her house for 3 hours in -4° weather. We were on and off for months. She told me I was fucked up, that I had no right to grieve my best friend, that I'd never heal seeing his family, that I needed therapy because she didn't know who I was anymore.
Then I met a girl I liked, she was cool, started dating hooking up whatever. We ended things and my head couldn't cope with that, my release was gone. So I turned to drugs, mdma, coke, ket, anything I could get my hands on and I made a friend I thought I'd have forever but she started dating my best friend at the time. Both of them together was so fucking toxic. He cheated, manipulated and fucked her over and still to this day even after they've broke up she thinks he's the best thing in the world.
I got clean for 7 months, got a good job, got a good car after two car crashes. And then my step dad was diagnosed with cancer and had weeks to live. I sat by his bed and watched him die for 4 days, 4 days where I had to watch sympathy be given to him where I had to have someone I cared about kick off at me because I was with my step dad as he died and not with her.
Then I swiped right on a girl I thought was beautiful. And we started talking and within a month I was falling for her massively, we gave it a shot lasted bout 3 months lmao. We fucked, which was my first sober time ever. I proposed, I love her. She is the love of my life, she showed me everything before was infatuation not love. I never felt that way about someone before. And then I started using again on the one day she needed me the most. But that makes sense right? Because addicts hate the attention not being on them. Because why wouldn't I use when someone needs me most. Anyway we broke up 😬 then I tried to od, became a heavy drug user again and now we're friends or something idk. I just can't lose her again. I really can't. She is my reason to be sober and without her idk if I'm strong enough.
Anyway lmao sorry for that idek if anyone will read this but yeah
My fucked up life aha
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arden-was-here · 4 months ago
I truly do wonder if my mum's death will get any easier. Like, it's been about 8 and a half months now since she passed, but it still feels like a dream. It still feels like she'll walk through the front door with another bloody plant or something that she found whilst out kerbing/buying things off of fb marketplace - but I know realistically she won't. It's still so weird to see what would be her body in the bottle-urn container that the funeral home gave us with her ashes in it.
I honestly thought that it would be easier to acknowledge the fact that she's gone and never coming back. That I'll never be able to take her out to dinner for her birthday & mother's day presents. That we'll never go to visit England together, despite having made plans to do so in 2020 (thanks covid for fucking ruining them btw - oh and fuck cancer). She'll never be able to help me out when I start house hunting, or when I go furniture shopping. She won't get to see my older sister get married to the love of her life. She won't be here for any of it.
I honestly regret the fact that I was so chill with her being in hospital for those two weeks before she passed. But, considering that mum basically had her own bed/room at RPH, due to how often she was a patient there (and at 2 other hospitals as well) due to her many illnesses/health problems she had, it was kind of the normal thing for her to be in hospital. I just wish that the cancer had been found sooner than it was (or sooner than we were told at least - cause I still remember overhearing her phone convo with the specialist and the words "it's possible that the cancer has come back" and having a very bad feeling about everything), cause it's just not fair that she, my mum who has beaten ever single medical/health problem that appeared in her life (3 strokes, bell's palsy that left her with permanent muscle damage/weakness to the right side of her face, kidney disease, liver problems, (possibly genetic) breast cancer (she was 4th gen in my fam to have it), diabetes, COPD...) to the point where she could live with it with only minor struggles, was once again dealt the sgittiest fucking hand by the fucking universe and given another set of obstacles to cross. Unfortunately, the lung cancer (which turned out to be metastatic and had found it's way to her liver) was the one thing that she truly could not overcome.
Seeing her in hospital the day before she passed away was truly horrifying as well as terrifying. This woman - who I had always seen with a stiff upper lip who didn't let her emotions out nor did she ever show anyone how much pain she truly was in - was reduced to... fuck I don't even know the words to describe how she was, but watching her head loll around and her eyes roll around her head, whilst her hands had to be mitted so she couldn't scratch herself or rip her drip/lines out, and her mouth being so clenched shut that she could barely speak... it was honestly the day I knew that she truly was never going to ever get better.
The morning before mum passed, we all went in to see her and she had managed to tell us, through clenched teeth, how much she loved us kids, and dad as well - which was a surprise (but not really) considering their marriage had fallen apart. The doctors had taken us all aside to talk about how we wanted to proceed with her (mostly talk of palliative care, DNRs, that sort of thing) and after coming to a decision, we all went back to my Auntie's house. It was there that we got the phone call from the hospital that mum had passed away at 3.40pm that day. I've never seen my family so torn apart, and we have had many of our family members (older half-brothers, aunt, cousins, mothers/grandmothers, and fathers/grandfathers) pass away - but it was heartbreaking and wrenching to watch/experience.
We went in to say our goodbyes in the hospital before the funeral home would come to take her body away and honestly - it was the most peaceful and relaxed I had ever physically seen her. Alive, she was always in pain, but when I saw her body laying on the bed? I never realised how much pain she truly must have been in until I saw the relaxed state of her body and of her face in particular.
Honestly, the one thing I truly want to know about the afterlife, and with her and the test of my family that have passed on - is that she's no longer in pain and is finally comfortable. That she can finally breath without having a coughing fit that would leave her bedridden because her lungs were dying and nobody knew. Ngl, I thought when mum got closer to the 'dying age' - you know, late 80s/90s - that she and dad would be living in granny flats on acreage that I owned so that she could have her little garden and independence, and dignity that wouldn't have been given to her at one of the local nursing homes. Whilst I could still take care of her and keep and eye on her. If she's reading this over my shoulder as I'm typing it with tears in my eyes and the hope that autocorrect does right by me, I only have one thing to say:
I'm so sorry mum. I'm so sorry that the last months of your life were spent trying to motivate and encourage a house full of unmotivated, and severely depressed people who had truly given up on life (yourself included) - to actually live their lives and do something for themselves.
And one other thing, as terrible as it sounds: I'm truly happy that I'll never have to come out to you as a trans nonbinary person, cause I know for certain you would definitely tell me that I'm faking it (like you said about me behind my back to the family about me lying about being bi and that it was only a phase), kick me out of the house, or never talk to me again. You honestly made me feel like a piece of shit and treated me like shit after I came out to you initially as being bi, and I know for certain you'd have done the same, if not worse had I ever gotten the chance to come out as being nonbinary - especially after the transphovic comments you made at that clan dinner evening - you know exactly which one I'm talking about.
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purp-man · 5 months ago
have you ever do coming out? how it was?
I did, and let me tell you, I'm really really lucky, even if not every one of them was a good experience.
I've only fully come out to my other LGBT+ friends, online or irl, who are of course very accepting of everything.
I've come out about my sexuality only (the one I identified with at the time, which actually I realized wasn't for me this year) to a very few number of irl non lgbt+ friends in different occasions, it went really well in both, one quite literally made me feel like it was the most normal thing in the world since I was telling a story and he was completely unfazed when I mentioned I had a gf. The other two were really happy I could open up and trust them and were really supportive and would always ask me how it went with the girl I was with at the time. (these two were around 2018)
Then my family. Well.
This one's a little complicated because it's not that they hate me or kicked me out or anything I just kinda.. Feel like they don't care. And it's the type where you would be scared to bring up anything about the community because you're convinced they wouldn't care nor want to know anything. It's the type of "as long as you don't bother me I don't mind." which is the type of mindset my dad has a lot in regards to my sister's bf (just fyi, she's 21 and he's 23 so like... Wow thanks. Sometimes I feel bad for how he treats her about her bf.)
So when I came out about my sexuality to my mum, she was fine with it, we just talked about some lighthearted stuff.
Then she asked me something where I made a huge mistake, she said "do you want me to tell dad for you?" and I said yes, since I'm too scared. Well in hindsight I should've kept my mouth shut about it: see basically at the time I had an online girlfriend who was a couple of years older than me, and I mentioned that to mum, and basically when my dad confronted me, he did it in the worst way possible.
He was mad I was in a relationship with this person and he claimed she promised me something out of it?? Like I was with her only because of something and not because we liked each other. He hated (I think he still does, softened up a bit because my sister has had a long distance bf for 1 year) internet friendships or relationships and my mum lowkey did too because she kept saying how basically it's not real because it's all digital and digital life isn't real. (this really upsets me because what, then you would excuse cyber bullying with that type of reasoning? But whatever, not the topic)
So he was really mad at me and demanded he looked through my phone, to which I couldn't say no or else he would think I was hiding something (and anyway, if I said no he would've done it anyway), and he started looking through the entire chat (and other ones with my friends) and read thousands of texts.
Now at the time I had only said I liked both boys and girls cause I know the concept of nonbinary is already too complicated for them to understand and unfortunately my dad came across the label pansexual (since the gf at the time was pan), I explained it to him and he just said I read too many things on the internet.
Imagine how hurt I was because that was actually how I used to identify back then.
Things escalated during those months, everytime he got mad at me, he would randomly take my phone and read conversations I had with this girl and he would comment on them just because and make me feel even worse, he basically hated her and lowkey hated the fact that I was with her.
The worst thing was that I sadly vented to her about him sometimes and he would basically prohibit me to vent and that's how I ended up deleting every single vent moment I had right after we talked. Years later I come to know that my sister had actually access to my chatting app and would tell my dad what we said, which is why he told me back then "I know you're deleting texts".
My mum wanted to send me to therapy because she didn't understand a single thing of what I said when I said I wasn't sure whether I liked boys girls AND more or just boys and girls. She thought I meant I didn't know if I was straight or not, I meant I didn't know if I was bi or pan, which is why I never mentioned gender identities to them and why I am closeted about me being nonbinary to them. (btw this was the understanding of the difference between bi and pan at the time, I was 15, I now know it's more complicated than that.)
About my sister, she came to know in the worst way possible too. For some reason I was afraid she would be homophobic and after I told mum, there was this one time I was at a restaurant with family friends and my cousins, aunt and uncle.
May I say I was sitting right between my cousin and my sister and in front of my aunt.
Unprompted, she asks me if I'm gay, but like she used this Italian phrase that I really don't like much, since it's usually used to make jokes by straight people about someone being gay.
I was there like GOD FUCKING DAMN IT we're LITERALLY next to our cousin and aunt COULD U SAY THAT LOWER. I told her I wasn't straight and, I don't remember much really, but she was offended I didn't tell her first. Like, wow, okay, coming out is difficult as fuck, but go on, be offended.
I had to go to the bathroom right after because I had an anxiety attack.
After things quieted down with my parents (as in my dad wasn't taking my phone as much), things started escalating with the girl I was with, she assumed a rather toxic behavior and I ended up dumping her.
Can still remember how my sister told me dad had said "thank goodness" when he learnt I wasn't with that girl anymore.
How also my mum said "cmon maybe next time you'll get a boyfriend". Wonderful comfort mum yes I already had a bf before, he dumped me one month after because he liked someone else not sure I want to try the experience again!! :)
Anyway, this is the reason why I do not talk about my relationships to my parents anymore. I had a girlfriend for almost 2 years and my dad knew nothing. My sister did because she actually grew a little bit better about this stuff (she's the embarrassing questions type, but at least she's not a bitch) and my mum knew around 6 months in, because she asked and we were alone. (I still think she thinks I'm a lesbian)
Also the reason why, when I got a pride flag while on school journey in the UK, I hid it in my drawer. And the reason why I'm terrified of asking of going to pride.
As of now, I have a lovely partner and yes, my entire family absolutely doesn't know and will not know if not strictly necessary. Maybe I will tell my sister, I was thinking about it, because that could probably make some personal stuff less difficult to do.
See, technically it's not that bad now, we just never bring it up at all and I never think about the clusterfuck of things that happened in 2016.
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solest · 6 months ago
Personal and mental health related thoughts that need to get plucked our of my head. Feel very free to ignore
It’s been a while, but here I am again, writing down stupid depression/anxiety thoughts in english to get it out of my system and simultaneously ask myself, if I’m just doing it for attention. And that’s the topic of the night! Ever since last summer I started to grapple with my queerness. I’m bi, I know I’m bi since I’m 15-16 (33 now), ever since I fell in love with my best friend back then and had my first serious relationship with her. After that, I only hat two other relationships with cis straight guys. I have never really been connected to the LGBTQIA+ community. We had other friends who were gay at best but I never went to a pride, had not educated myself on the whole matter for long and chucked my sexuality off as something that just happens when I fall in love with someone. Now, aftert his summer and especially after breaking up with my ex boyfriend, I felt the need and urge to embrace my queerness, because I feel like I have neglected this part. But here comes the doubt: Am I really queer? Am I really bi? I assume I fall in love with people and not their gender, but what if my girlfriend at the time was just an “accident”? (a 6 year long accident, lol). I do fall faster for men than women. I feel like I need a deeper conenction to women, or I don’t see them as...hook up material? Not that I hook up, I catch feeling immediately but maybe that’s it. I know that bi people might lean torwards certain genders but they’re still bi, I? I’m quite sure about it but then again, when I try to picture relationships or see attractive people, I feel like an imposter. Could also be my depression and anxiety speaking, haha, because I also think that I’m only trying to “embrace my queerness” for attention. BEcause I started to talk about it more, I even try to get a job in that field (Social Worker) and try to bring educating childrens books to my work and tell EVERYONE who assumes I’m straight that I’m bi. Maaaaaybe that is because I never did that before. I never experienced biphobia, but ignorance? When I told my parents I had a girlfriend, my mum said it’s a phase (classic) and later on just did not talk about it. I’m living with them currently, because of my break-up and we have a good relationship but everytime I bring this topic up my mum is uncomfortable. My dad is...idk. Mum told me he might be bi himself but eh. And only ever talking about relationship stuff when it’s with a straight guy and heteronormative relationship ideas is erasure. Because I am NOT STRAIGHT. I try to tell this myself. And maybe I’m overcompensating now but my anxiety and depression do not make it better becaus eI think I’m going on everyones nerves talking about this so much? I bought pride pins. I feel like that’s something reserved for young, bright and couragous queer teens and young adults, not for me old millenial who never had to struggle with their bisexuallity and all. But then again it’s just pins. And I do want to signal “Hey, hello, I’m queer as well, please talk to me” because I don’t have any queer people around me in real. But I fear I’m faking it all for attention. Only making jokes I’m attracted to someone to not be seen as straight and that people talk about me, while being anxious about people talking about me.I feel bad talking about how this affects me in Therapy...fucking therapy. My therapist is not against it, it’s just me being anxious that it might bother her or that it’s unimportant. I really want to have a relationship again. I only ended my last one in January this year, after 5 1/2 years and still feel a little guilty to already want to get myself out there again. I was single for 2 1/2 + 1 1/2 years after my former breakups and even though I should not take this as the measure of all things, I do. And I want to date queer people. Just- I think I’m open to almost any at this point but think I don’t want to date cis straight guys anymore. I am well aware that love will hit me no matter the person, so I can’t just tick off the straight cis guy box, but I activly want to avoid it. Which makes me feel like I’m doing things for attention again. I don’t know how to ask people out in general and feel it’s even harder for me with women. Mostly I need to be the one gettin approached anyways, hah, but HOW NOW?! I also fear I’m too much in servers I’m in and decided I activly try to not talk as much anymore, because I’m afraid that my status as “A nice acquaintance that talk a bit too much sometimes, but is bearble” will turn into “Uhg, everone flee, here she comes again”. I delete things I posted right away again, hoping no one saw them. I try desperately to conenct with people but I’m just forcing myself on them and I cringe about myself here. UHG, EVERYTHING IS TIRESOME AND I QUESTION EVERY DECISION I MAKE.
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adenei · 7 months ago
Could you please write something about Hugo coming out as gay/bi (you pick) to his parents and him being really nervous, even though Ron and Hermione love and support him for exactly who he is?
P.S I love your writing so much and you are amazing!!! Here are some virtual cookies:🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪
Hello there @knightandbooks Thank you for your kind words and the virtual cookies! I’m sending some back to you because you’re awesome, too! 🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪 Hope you enjoy my take on Hugo coming out <3
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Hugo was pacing in his bedroom, walking through what he was going to say for the millionth time. This shouldn’t be that hard. Al had already come out to Uncle Harry and Aunt Ginny. Would his parents really be that surprised? 
“Hugo, stop worrying so much about it,” Rose was sitting on his bed, watching him burn a trail in the carpet. 
“That’s easy for you to say, you don’t have life altering news to share with them,” he shot back at her.
“You don’t have to tell them, you know. It’s not like there’s a deadline where you have to say, “Hey, Mum, Dad, I’m bi. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready.”
“No, too many of our cousins already know, and I don’t want word getting back to them that wasn’t directly from me. I have to tell them.”
Hermione had poked her head in the room, hearing the last part of what Hugo had said. “Tell who what?” 
Rose hopped off the bed, whispering “Good luck” towards Hugo and said, “I’ll be in my room.”
“Thanks for the support, sis,” Hugo said sarcastically as he felt his entire face flush. He could thank his dad for that lovely trait.
“Is everything okay, Hugo?” Hermione looked at her son with worry.
“Er, yeah, just wanted to talk to you and Dad about something. Can you go get him?” Hugo asked her. 
Hermione left the room briefly to get Ron, and was back sooner than Hugo had hoped. Everything he’d thought of saying seemed to have disappeared from his brain as he saw them both come back. “You’d better sit down,” Hugo muttered. Should I really have asked them to come into my room? What if this doesn’t go well? Where am I supposed to go? They’re here. He supposed he could always invade Rose’s room, or floo to Uncle Harry’s if he was that desperate.
“What’s going on, Hugh?” Ron asked him, using the nickname Hugo had become so familiar with as a term of endearment from his father.
“It’s- er, well- I-” Hugo stuttered.
“Honey, it’s okay, you can tell us anything,” Hermione coaxed him. He was fifteen and his mum still called him things like ‘sweetheart’ and ‘honey’..any other teenager would be mortified, but Hugo was too preoccupied to care.
“Well, you know- you know how Al is dating Scorpius?” Hugo asked tentatively. They both nodded. “Okay, so I- er, it’s sort of like-” he tried to continue.
“Hugh, if you prefer men over women too, we’re not going to hold that against you or anything. You can like and be with whoever you want,” Ron was picking up on his son’s hesitation. He did his best to guess what was going on so Hugo could be spared from having to say it. 
“Er, well it’s not totally like tha- wait, really?” Hugo looked up at them in surprise.
“Of course, Hugo! You didn’t honestly think we could love you less for something like that, did you?” Hermione questioned.
“Well, I didn’t- not exactly-” Hugo stuttered. He was kind of surprised how cool his parents were being about this. He always thought Harry and Ginny were the cool ones.
“It’s not like you’re interested in a Slytherin, now that I would have an issue with,” his dad said with a smirk.
“Ronald, don’t say that! You don’t know if he’s seeing someone!”
“I’m not seeing anyone. And honestly, Dad, you said yourself that Scorp isn’t that bad, and he’s not! You’ve seriously got to get past your beef with Mr. Malfoy. And besides, I don’t just like guys, I do like girls, too. I’m bi.”
“Well, that’s wonderful, sweetheart! You know we’ll support you no matter who you choose! Slytherin or not,” Hermione glared at her husband.
“All kidding aside, your Mum’s right, we love you no matter what, Hugo, and we’re proud of you for telling us,” Ron agreed.
“Thanks, Dad, Mum,” Hugo walked over to hug them both. 
“Rose, I know you’re out there listening, you can come in, you know.” Hugo rolled his eyes.
“I was just offering moral support!” Rose tried to reason as she guiltily walked back into the room.
“Moral support would have been not scampering off when Mum came in to begin with,” Hugo rolled his eyes.
“Told you you had nothing to worry about,” Rose countered.
“How is it that you’re seventeen and fifteen, yet still argue like you’re seven and five?” Ron asked, bewildered.
“Can we go get some ice cream?” Rose asked. She’d always had a sweet tooth like her father, figured she could capitalize on this moment with Hugo as a reason for celebration.
“Ooh, yes, good idea! Can we? I love that shop down in the town square,” Hugo said, happy for his sister’s suggestion.
“I don’t see why not,” their Mum said.
Dad, of course, agreed without a second thought. “You sure there isn’t anyone you want to invite along, Hugh?” 
Hugo rolled his eyes. “Yes, Dad, I promise I’ll tell you both if and when there is someone. But I promise there isn’t. Just wanted to tell you before someone else did.” 
The look his parents shared as they stood up wasn’t lost on him. “Wait...don’t tell me you already knew!” Hugo smacked his hand to his forehead. “I should have known.”
“Hugo, in a family as big as this one, we hear things. But even if we hadn’t, it wouldn’t have changed our opinions on the matter,” his Mum reassured him.
“Now, let’s go get ice cream, and if you’re good, maybe I’ll tell you who we heard it from,” his Dad said as he laughed.
“Ronald!” Hermione scolded. But Hugo didn’t care in the slightest. It was a big thing he’d been able to get off his chest, and now he could sleep easier knowing his parents knew, and supported him either way.
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dammitadolfnomorecake · 8 months ago
Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt.51 prt.1
Luis was a douche. Luis was a douche and Lisa was sick of his shit. Taking Keith with him to see Miriam, Luis tried to intercept the pair of them, Lisa not having it as she towed her husband away from the doorway, hissing at them both not to make a scene. Lance could only roll his eyes mentally at it. Luis had tried taking him off his Mami’s visitors list, it sucked for Luis because unlike him, he’d never pulled that shit and treated the staff with respect they deserved. Having bought flowers the day before, today’s gift was himself and Keith. Luis going through the five stages of grief as he realised Keith was with him. Hooked up to a nasal cannula and BP machine, his Mami looked tired but thankfully awake, her face lighting up at the sight of them
Keith froze in the door. Maybe he should have mentioned Lisa to him. Honestly, after breakfast, he didn’t feel like bringing the mood down. Taking him by the hand, he tugged Keith along and over to his Mami’s side. Leaning down, he kissed her on the cheek
“You’re looking beautiful today, as always”
“And you’re a terrible liar. I see you brought your boyfriend along”
Lance wasn’t sure if Mami had forgotten Keith’s name or was teasing him
“Yep. Keith spent the morning being harassed by the gang, so we escaped to Platt to see the most beautiful woman this side of the equator”
“Keith, don’t fall for his bullshit. He’s a sweetheart but he’ll never make for a good liar”
His Mami started to cough, Lance’s heart ached at the sound. He could hear the congestion in her chest
“I’ve noticed. But he’s alright”
Keith’s voice trembled. He wasn’t used to this. And needed an out
“Keith, this Luis and Lisa. Lisa is Luis wife. Lisa, this is my boyfriend Keith. He knows, so we don’t have to skirt around the whole evil bloodsucker thing”
Lisa flashed Keith a very tight smile
“Nice to meet you”
“Yeah, you too”
And then it was awkward again. Recovering from her coughing, his Mami wiped at her lips with her handkerchief
“Don’t you four start fighting. I might be sick, but I will yell if I need to”
Lance snorted
“Mami, the only fighting going on here today will be Keith fighting to steal me away from you”
“He can have you”
Ouch. Mum burns were the worst, but he smiled wider
“I’m wounded. Your youngest and you kick me to the curb like that. Good thing Keith’s a good man”
“I know. I wouldn’t trust my mijo with a hunter if he wasn’t. Now, Keith, tell me honestly, how hopeless is he?”
“I don’t know I can. Coran’s my boss now, and he seems to like Lance... gotta keep the peace”
“Ah, Coran. He popped by again. Him and that lovely young Allura. Then sourpuss came”
Mami glanced to Luis who did not look happy
“You’re my mother. I’m worried for you”
“I seem to have raised a family of worriers. Marco called, then Veronica. She’s bringing the girls for a visit, Rachel too. She seems to be doing better”
Okay. So maybe Lance hadn’t told Keith that he wasn’t the only gay in the village... well, family. Though Veronica was bi, and Lance was kind of certain she had a girlfriend right now, Lance kept his nose out of it. It hurt less being on the outside when he didn’t know everything he was missing
“We’re allowed to worry. I’ve spent 44 years perfecting my worrying. Keith will tell you that I am a grade A worrier. Honour student and all that jazz”
Keith squeezed his hand
“You really are”
“Pfft. Like you aren’t”
“Shiro’s worse than me”
“Fair point”
His Mami started coughing again, Lance trying not to step back into Keith’s arms. Trying not to show anyone he was terrified. From the other side of the bed, Lisa fussed over, straightening up the nasal cannula and pulling the quilt up higher. As his mother regained her breathing, Lisa grabbed the glass of water off the bedside table, holding it and the straw so their mami could take a sip, before collapsing back against her pillows
“Now, who’s Shiro? And is he as cute as you?”
His mother was unstoppable
“Shiro is Keith’s older brother. He hunts too. He lives at a like a Hunk level of worry”
“So he’s a sensible worrier?”
Keith sighed
“No... He’s... complicated”
“I’m sure he is dear. Family is a complicated thing. It’s a warm and loving thing, and it’s a hard thing. I can you love him”
“He’s like my only family”
Lance’s heart melted. Pulling Keith closer, he then let go of his hand before wrapping his arm around his boyfriend’s waist
“I think someone’s trying to tell you you’re not alone. My son does have good taste, at least as far as looks go”
This was true. Keith had been ogled as they sighed in. He’d made the day of more than one old aged pensioner
“You should have seen when we signed in. thought I was going to have to have to steal a walking stick and start smacking kneecaps to keep them back”
“Jokes on you, most of us have had knee replacements”
Mami liked to joke that having a teen looking son kept her young and “on top of the lingo”. Lance blamed the lunchtime soap operas for being a bad influence. And Pidge. Definitely Pidge
“Then walkers are going to have to go walking. You should have seen Mrs Pennox. I think her teeth literally fell out. Is that a courting thing here? Taking your teeth out and giving them to your crush?”
“At our age it’s all about the pills. The better the pills you have, the more sway”
Luis sounded angry as he scolded their mother. The wanker was jealous. Maybe if he’d been around more, he would have been able to joke like this
“Stop being as stiff as a toilet brush. You tell him, Lisa”
Lisa didn’t want to get involved. Lance didn’t hate her for being a protective mother bear to their kids
“Now, now, Mami. They told you not to get too excited or exert yourself”
“Phooey. My boys have come to visit. Now, Lance, you take good care of this man. Poor dear looks ready to faint”
Keith was all peopled out for the day. Hopefully Lisa would convince Luis to leave for a few hours
“Pidge asked him about his intentions this morning. He got the full experience of her crazy”
“She certainly is energetic. And Hunk? He’s such a good boy”
“Yeah. He was happy Keith came to see me last night. He’s totally worrying though. Filled my fridge with enough food for a week”
“You be sure to thank him”
“I have. Though, I’ve got the feeling my fridge will be literally full when we get home again. Even with two... guests under the roof, Hunk manages to keep them fed”
His Mami looked confused. They’d talked about this more than once. It probably wasn’t smartest to talk about living with werewolves
“Matt and his girlfriend, they’ve just come back from being in Rome. He’s the whole reason Pidge was sleeping on my sofa”
“Oh. Yes. Yes, that’s right”
Mami was upset that she didn’t remember. She was covering, but Lance knew she was. Old age was so fucking cruel
“Enough about them. Wanna hear how Keith came down to surprise me? I had no idea he was coming. But Coran went and gave him the whole weekend off. So he was already there by the time I got home last night”
“That was certainly a very nice thing of you to do. I hope he isn’t giving you too much trouble”
Lance wondered if his Mami had another UTI she’d been really muffled the last time she did. He’d have to check with the staff over it. Keith probably didn’t have any idea why they were going there again
“No, ma’m. I mean, he’s trouble and you can’t help but wonder how he’s managed when he’s been left alone, but he’s been fine”
“I’m very happy to hear that. He talks so much about you. I seem to remember he said you’re living here now”
“With my brother. It’s nothing like Lance’s house”
“That must be nice. Family is important. These two are always butting heads, but deep down they still care about each other. They seem to inherited their stubborn streaks from me”
“Pfffft. You, stubborn, no way, Mami. I simply can’t believe it”
“There he goes again. Tell anymore fibs like that and you nose will grow”
“It’s been the same way for long enough that we both know that’s not going to happen”
Luis scoffed
“Must be hard never aging. You can do what you want to who you want, then skip town when things get hard”
Greeeeeat. Here they went again
“Yep. Being a bloodsucker will do that. No cares. No responsibility. No growing older than looking like jail bait, oh let me count the ways that this isn’t a great life”
“You’ve never taken anything seriously, have you. You’ve always had everything you wanted handed to you”
Lance bit down a groan. Goading his brother would only upset Mami
“Yep. Had my boyfriend delivered to my house. Only cost me a hole in the wall and a new coffee table”
Luis couldn’t admit he was to blame for bringing Keith into Lance’s life. His brother clenching his hands into fists... like that was supposed to scare him or something. His Mami started coughing again, and Lance kicked himself for being petty. Luis just knew how to get under his skin and push all the wrong buttons
“The new coffee table is nicer”
Lance smiled at his boyfriend over his shoulder, Keith smiling back. Thank god for Keith changing topic
“I know right. The new toaster is pretty sweet too. Curtis hasn’t killed it, so that’s nice”
“It must be a nice life not working for everything”
Nope... he wasn’t going to take the bait... And Luis could go jump for making Keith’s happiness shift like that. His boyfriend didn’t deserve to put up with Luis
“Don’t talk about your brother like that. He was in court not that long ago”
Damn. Mami had had enough. Wiping her lips again, her coughing fell between her words
“It’s okay, Mami. It was just a custody and restraining order thingo. All sorted now. Mum got full custody and the dad got his arse handed to him by the judge”
“There you go again, making a joke about those people’s lives”
Lance rolled his eyes mentally. If the father could put down the bottle and straighten himself, and maybe not threaten his ex, then they wouldn’t have ended up in court
“Look. I don’t know why we have to be like this when we’re all here to see Mami. I’m tired of fighting with you. I love Mami. I’m here for Mami. Can we stop fighting?”
“And now you’re weaselling your way out”
Lance sighed. He wanted more time with his Mami, but this was only going to stress her out when she didn’t need it
“Keith and I are headed out to lunch, is there anything you’d like us to bring back?”
“Just some soap, dear. And something to read, if you don’t mind. I don’t want you going out your way for me”
“Mami, I could walk around the whole planet to see you, and that still wouldn’t be an inconvenience. I love you, and I’ll be back after lunch”
The hug goodbye he gave his Mami, really drove home how frail she was at the moment. He was terrified of squeezing her too hard, but he really didn’t want to let go of her, despite the fact he was trying to look all adult and responsible. Mami wanted a hug from Keith, who obliged, barely holding her because his poor boyfriend didn’t know how good a hug from a mother could be
“I’ll take care of him”
“I know you will. He’s got a good one in you”
Keith blushed, and Lance’s mood picked up for all long enough to leave the room.
Then Luis followed them out.
Lance didn’t need to turn around to know his brother was standing behind them. Counting to ten, he turned to face him
“Do you need us to pick you up something too?”
“I can see what you’re doing. It’s disgusting playing on Mami’s guilt like that”
“Look, Luis. Ya hate me and I know it. I ruined our whole family by being turned. I know. I watched it all happen. I heard every single damn fight. I begged god to kill me off when trying didn’t do anything. Mami is sick. Mami is sick and we’re all fucking scared that this could be it. We all love her. We’re all worried about her. I know you hate me, but I still care about you. I’ve always cared about you. You were my big brother and like the coolest person I knew when I was a kid. We’re past all that now. I’m the nasty family secret. But I have never, ever, wanted to harm any of you. I know having brother with PTS ruined things. I know I scared the fuck out of you with my fangs and fucked up face. But this isn’t about us. This is about our mother. She’s not well. I think she’s picked up another UTI too. So while you hate me, I’m going to use my energy trying to be there instead of sharing that feeling. I’m done with you making me feel like this”
Luis looked furious, switching to Spanish so Keith couldn’t understand
“You think you have everyone fooled, but I know you. You can’t be trusted. You bring pain to everyone you know. You lie to them. Manipulate them. Then throw them aside. I won’t let you do that to her. She’s pretended she’s loved you all this time, but you have no idea what she’s gone through because of you. What she’s had to sacrifice for you”
“I know. I know all of it. And Mami knows I know. I’ve always been your dumb kid brother, no matter how little I mean to you now. I loved you Luis. I loved all of you. I’ve never stopped. I won’t hurt you, so can’t we get along? Even Lisa isn’t laughing anymore”
“You scarred our fucking kids. You and those fangs. Stop pretending you’re something you’re not. You’re not human and God has no love in his heart for your type”
Keith took his hand
“I don’t know what you two are saying, but we’re going. We’re here for Miriam. I don’t know how two brothers can be like this... My brother is an arsehole and he’s done some messed up shit, but I love him. I could never treat him like this. If you keep this up, Miriam will die with none of this being fixed”
Keith made himself a target of Luis’s rage
“What do you know? You’re dating a monster. You’re as sick as he is”
“Don’t you dare turn this on Keith. He’s human. He’s not like me. He was supposed to kill me and after everything he’s lost at the hands of vampires God knows he still deserves to. Vampires, witches, werewolves and demons all exist. And how many of do you think want to be this way. I was attacked. I was tortured. I screamed for someone to help and they never came. I’m stuck in this limbo watching everyone I love grow old and die. Leaving behind friends. Moving and changing my name. I’m sick of it. I never dated. I never felt allowed. I let you drive me away because I know what I am. Keith isn’t like me and I won’t stand for you standing there bullying him because your hearts racing with fear. Never have I told Mami what you did. And I intend to keep that secret for the rest of my life. Even my 22 year old friend has more brains and tact in her little gremlin fingers than you do in that head of yours. Now go back to Mami. She’s worried we’re out here fighting”
Lance considered the conversation done. He hadn’t cried and he hadn’t yelled. He was just so done with this. Fucking Luis. God. He wanted to grab him by the shoulders and shake him until he saw sense. This wasn’t about them. This was what’s happened with Papi all over again. He’d never been able to say everything he’d wanted to tell him towards the end. Kept on the outside until it was too late... The things left unsaid were always the hardest. Tugging Keith, Keith insisted on being a good boyfriend. Wrapping his arm around him, he kissed Lance’s hair
“I’ve got you. Let’s get out of here”
Lance was off in space. Keith didn’t know where to take him so they could talk. He wanted to take him to the apartment, but Lance would protest over Shiro “not wanting him there”. There wasn’t a whole lot of places he knew around town for this kind of conversation... So maybe it was for the best that Lance was driving and he was keeping his mouth shut, offering support silently by was of his hand resting on Lance’s thigh as he drove.
Pulling into the underground parking of the shopping centre above, Lance remained silent until he finally cut the engine. Letting out a long groan, his boyfriend slumped forward to hug the steering wheel
“I know. I know I shouldn’t provoke him. I know it and I do it and then this shit happens”
Keith wasn’t quite sure what to say. He’d never really talked to old people and Miriam was not old only but sick. Her memory not working as they repeated pretty much the same conversation
“It’s okay. I know. You’re wondering what to say right now. It’s just... god. God knows I get it. But Luis has no idea how much I want to be a normal human”
“He’s a dick”
“Kind of. Maybe. Okay, yeah. But he’s my brother... I’m so tired of fighting. It’s like, what does he want from me? To bare my god ugly teeth so he can scream “Monster!” at the top of his lungs? And where does he get off judging you? He doesn’t even know you! You’re like the best dude out there, and he’s all like... ugh. Argh! I’m sick of this”
Keith undid both their belts, sliding over to wrap his arm around Lance
“Don’t let him do this to you”
“I can’t help it. I hate that it hurts Mami. And you. Today was bit over your head wasn’t it? Mami’s memory is a bit... so we have the same conversations again and again. I really do think she’s got another UTI. Then again, she’s sick... Anyway... I guess we’re getting lunch. Thanks for putting up with me... and everyone at breakfast”
Keith had enjoyed breakfast. He’d gotten to learn more about pretty much everyone there. He wasn’t sure he’d enjoyed Pidge and Hunk climbing into bed with them, but breakfast was fun
“Breakfast was fun. It was nice feeling included”
“That’s because we all like having you around, idiot”
Keith didn’t think he deserved being called an idiot, but Lance’s version of idiot didn’t always mean what everyone else meant. Yeah, he had next to no social skills, but being with the others he found he didn’t need to, they just... seemed to accept him
“I’m not the idiot. You’re the one who chased the cat for pats”
Lance sighed at him
“It was a cute cat. So fluffy... Blue would be disgusted”
“She wouldn’t like you cheating on her with other cats”
“Luckily this was before her. My poor princess. Her whole house has been invaded. I should get her some treats for being such a bad parent”
Seeing he was dating Lance, Keith guessed that kind of also made him a “cat dad”. He loved Blue, secretly jealous when she’d make a fuss of Matt or Curtis, because he’d never gotten to have a pet of his own. He, Shiro, and Adam, proved hopeless. They’d had goldfish for all of three weeks before they’d turned belly up and Adam had flushed them down the toilet
“I don’t think she cares as long as she gets her wet food”
“That’s true. If she had opposable thumbs I’d be useless. Still, she’s my baby”
Keith knew that, even before Lance had spammed him with photos of Blue and “her precious toe beans”
“I know. Maybe we could find something for her together”
Lance tilted his head to look at him, glasses skewed by the angle
“I’d like that. I know you’re not keen on shopping, but this place has the soap Mami likes best. She probably doesn’t need it, but extra won’t hurt anyone”
“I don’t see the point of walking up and down each isle. It’s like, go in, get what you need, then get out”
Lance smiled at him, and Keith’s heart gave a flip
“Remind me not to bring you when I go with Hunk and Pidge. Pidge likes touching everything, and Hunk can never make his mind up”
“Shiro makes puns. The worst puns you’ve ever heard”
“There’s no such thing as a bad pun”
“He bought a vampire bobble head for our car because we’re dating”
Lance snorted
“I kind of want to see that now. So we’ll go in, get the soap, get some lunch, then hit up the pet store? And you’ll tell me if this gets too much?”
“I should be saying that to you with your super senses”
“It’s fine. I know that it’s only for a short while and when someone’s with me, I can focus on them. Which means you have my full attention”
Keith felt himself blush. Having Lance’s attention sounded awfully like a date, but this wasn’t a date
“Don’t say it like that”
“Why not? It’s true”
Keith wasn’t sure if he wanted his first date to be a shopping trip. Maybe if thought of it as a practice run for the real thing... What if Lance thought this was a date? Nah... His boyfriend would have called it that to begin with
“Just don’t. You ready?”
“As ready as one of two men casually going shopping can be”
Keith opened his mouth, before promptly shutting it. Sometimes it was like Lance was in his head
“Keith, I’m teasing you. It’s okay”
“Shut up. I’m not used to this”
“I know. Let’s go”
This wasn’t a date. This was not a date. Not at all... unfortunately. Keith was the perfect distraction as they shopped, and fuck if Lance wasn’t kicking himself for reassuring Keith this wasn’t a date. Sure. He had huge plans for the first time they went on a date. He knew where he wanted to Keith, what he wanted to show him, how he’d surprise him with a hotel room at the end of the night, not for sex stuff but for cuddles and room service in bed... but this not date... was kind of a perfect dry run for the real thing. Like how they’d gone on Hunk’s practice date with Shay.
Buying soap for Mami, and the guest bathroom, and a few other things that Lance thought Shay and Rieva might appreciate, they’d ended up in the food court... being ridiculous. Snagging one of the too few booths, Keith was to blame. Lance had felt like sushi until Keith had bought himself a burger... with wedges that were begging to be be shared. Keith didn’t want to share. Lance didn’t want to buy his own when Keith’s were right there... His sushi looked sad in comparison. Stealing a wedge, his boyfriend glared. Stealing a second one, he moved it away, Lance “forced” to reach past him. The hunter was totally hinting he needed to be hugged into cooperation. Clinging to Keith, Keith tried to ignore him until Lance slung his leg over his boyfriend’s legs. Groaning at him, Keith finally gave in, stabbing Lance in the nose as he tried to feed him a wedge without turning to face him in defeat.
So yeah. They were definitely being that gross couple. When Lance had to throw lunch back up, Keith kept watch on the bathroom door for him. His boyfriend even kissed him when he finally emerged, regretting his choice of wedges and sushi. Sure, the kiss was on the cheek, but Lance damn near swooned on the spot. He wanted to kiss him more, but that’d have to wait until they were home again. Keith’s touch was like a drug to his body. A spark of life that soothed him, no matter the situation. He wanted to fool around with him more. He wanted to touch him more, but they couldn’t do that at home without an audience. Hell, he wasn’t even sure he didn’t want to keep waiting to take that next step. People did dumb things when they were in love, and Lance was fast falling head over heels for Keith. Not that he’d tell him. Forcing Keith into his mess of feelings wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted to nurture and grow this thing between them... but it was hard when he could still remember the last time they’d been intimate so vividly. He was ashamed of how good Keith made him feel. He wasn’t sure he would have protested if Keith had slipped and something more had happened. Yeah. He was stupid and he knew it. He wanted that first time to be special, and with Keith, he knew it would be. Spacing out in his thoughts, he’d come back to reality when Keith tried to wipe his mouth for him. He might be stupid, but his boyfriend was an idiot.
Not for the first time that day did their good mood slip. This time it happened in the pet store. Looking at collars for Blue, Lance found he was watching Keith more out of the corner of his eye, than he was at the actual collars. He knew Keith had a shit childhood, but he hadn’t thought about the fact he’d probably never grown up with a pet. In the crowded store, he couldn’t reach out and kiss Keith until he felt better. Instead he followed his gaze to the display box where the puppies were. Despite the countless number of kids, that Lance personally thought should be in school even if it was the weekend, there was this one puppy no one was paying any attention to. He might have mentally referred to Keith a big dog himself, but Lance could see how the neglected pup was something Keith could see himself in
“Wanna go say hi?”
Keith jumped, Lance hadn’t meant to scare him
“No... it’s okay”
“You’ve never had a pet, have you?”
“We had goldfish for a bit, but they died. A couple of homes had dogs... but kids would get jealous”
“Let’s go say hi. I won’t even tell Blue you were fawning over a puppy”
“I’m not fawning over it”
Keith grumbled, crossing his arms as he glared at the floor. Wrong choice of words on Lance’s behalf. Everyone loved puppies, there was nothing to be embarrassed over
“Sorry. I mean... If you want to look at the puppies, I won’t judge... I’m making this worse. I’m sorry. I’m just saying that puppies are cute. I’m going to grab some catnip treats for Blue”
Separating from Keith, Keith wandered around seemingly lost until he ended up near the puppies. The same little puppy was trying to get Keith’s attention, Keith wanted to give in. Lance could see he wanted to give in. The puppy was as drawn to Keith, as Keith was to the little longer with big paws. He was caving. He was caving and he knew it was a terrible idea... but all the puppies and kittens were rescues. Maybe if Keith could cuddle the puppy, both of them would be happier. Yep. He was about to do something very stupid.
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rezilient-m3 · 8 months ago
Weird how I can't see dates on here. Like, I remember when my last post happened, but I don't remember the date. 🤔
Anywhoo, it is October 3rd. Lol. (Future reference). Things are a bit better. (I hope.) School started. All kids are attending and love it! I'm loving the free time. (Didn't find a job lol). Can't really right now. Didn't realize my youngest only goes 2, sometimes 3, days a week. Plus, youth care workers are in demand for after school hours. Can't seem to commit to a job with those kinds of hours just yet. Not when we re all still adjusting.
I've been keeping myself busy. I've made a chore/allowance chart. Worked great for the first 2 weeks lol. Now, kids just do what I ask (most of the time). Should start that up this week. Geez. Then, I made their own separate "spaces" for rooms. T is in the playroom. Alex will put up a wall, once he's done this job. Yes. He's away again. Soon tho. And S & K split the room they were all crammed in. And I've got to say, everything turned out lookong great. I have a bit of a knack for "interior designing" lol. If I do say so myself. 😏 But seriously, I've always loved to redo living spaces, and improving things. I love our home. Girl's appreciated it. Not so much during tho. Specifically T, that big jerk. She thought S's dresser was nicer than hers. (I had gotten them all their own dressers for their rooms.) So, this resulted in an argument, and her leaving just feeling disrespected and unappreciated. I was hurt that day. I wanted to cry- I did cry. Anyways, she asked to switch, I said no, she got upset. She flat out told me she wouldn't do her chore and she didn't need or want her allowance anyways. Then, proceeded to just not listen to what was being asked of her. I gave up and left her alone. But, despite this incident, we seem to be having few of them. Which, makes me grateful that things are changing and improving a bit. But, she still has her moments of bickering and picking unnecessary fights with her siblings.
I've also start counseling. So, far I'm the only one that has been, only twice tho. She's a busy woman. So, new appts with her are well into 3 week mark. We have a family session coming up on the 7th, a couple session on the 8th, individual ones for T & K on the 13th and 18th. Haven't booked for my son and middle daughter, S, just yet. I'm still trying to figure out which way would be best to go about it. Like, I know T & K need it the most. I might decide on all 3 of us will be weekly for awhile, then S & D will be bi-weekly? Idk. So confusing.
The sessions have been good so far. Initial one was just to get to know me. I told her all that I could about myself, my family, Alex, kids, James, the drinking, the sobriety, school. Everything I could in an hour and a half lol. Today was my 2nd one. We ended up talking about Alex and I. I went from the beginning. How I thought we were good, until I found out we weren't. The abuse in the beginning. The drinking. The fighting. The separation. And us getting back together. Then, our most recent issues. Which, I've just realized, I didn't write about that yet. Hmm. Hold on...
My bday. Sept 10. He came home from a job for days off. We have cake and whatever with my twin, my kids, my niece/sister and her brother, and Alex. I tell him I'm going out to give my brother a bday shot. I borrow his car. We go. Now, I didn't expect to take as long as we did, but bottom line, it was 2 hrs! It was my bday! Did that matter? No. I still got in shit. He was upset cuz he came home and felt like a "babysitter". Maybe felt a little disrespected, but that wasn't my intention. I just wanted to spin vlts a little lol. But turned out, I was an ungrateful cunt. Just wow. The things he says when he's upset with me. Just knows how to hurt me. Anywhoo, this point in time, the plan was to look for an used suv for me and the kids while on his days off. He was going to use his line of credit to help me get one, and my dad put 5k into my acct to help. (Blessed.) But this night, when I was so ungrateful, he told me I could go fuck myself and look for my own vehicle for 5k. K den. I went and sleep with our son, after crying on the couch for awhile. Next day, what happens? "Are we going to go look at suvs?" I tell him, "don't bother." I was just being salty cuz I never EVER can get a sincere apology about anything. Everything is just supposed to magically disappear and we move on. NO. I didn't appreciate that. But what could I do? I needed a vehicle, for real. My old one had to be parked because it was/is having major problems lol. So, we go. He pulls out money. We get the 1st one we looked at. I'm happy. And we just go back to normal. So dumb lol. UNTIL, a week later. I'm at bingo with my niece J. We get her male friend to babysit, cuz Alex went back to work and she decided to stay and visit me. Anywhoo, while playing I told Alex that he probably couldn't call our son to say g'night cuz the babysitter didn't have fb. All he said was "well, guess I'll just go to bed then." I say, "okay." Then few moments later, "I hate lies. Enjoy your date." Like, tf? Jisg out of nowhere. So, i wrote a paragraph about how the hell do I get accused when I'm not doing anyrhing to support his ridiculous accusations. All I do is a be a mum, take care of everything else and go to bingo. Seriously? And just accused him of projecting and blocked him. I was shook. Mostly mad and offended. I didn't speak to him that whole next day. He could have easily texted me, but didn't lol. Not until I had to explain my fb post. Cuz it was my sister and her husband's anniversary, so I was going to bbq for them. He thought I was throwing a "party". Whatever. But then, he texted asking whe am I going to talk to him again, and how I shouldn't be thinking he's doing anything cuz he tells me what he's doing every second of everyday. Like, sorry if I didn't, but doesn't mean I'm out here being shady. How the hell would I even be able to with 4 young kids at home? Grow up. Ugh, I was just upset. But, he's always been good at saying the right things. "He doesn't want to ever lose me. He loves me. He goes crazy and can't function when things aren't right between us...." Then, stop saying stupid shit to push me away or make me wonder if you're even in this relationship 100%. Geez.
Me telling all of this to my counselor, made her say right now there's no way we can be a family unit with him having all this power and me feeling insecure with our living situation and the fear of him taking it all away. Like, when he says shit like "find your own place to stay". It's abusive. So, that's how my session, on the 8th, turned into a couple session lol. I'm nervous about it. The only way I knew how to talk to him about anything serious, was through letters or messaging. (Probably a confrontation thing. Or conflict thing. Makes me super uncomfortable.) But we need to learn eventually. Cuz I want this. I want us, forever. I hope he does too. It's going to take work. Scary work. Lol. Pray for me.
He comes home soon. Since that last fight, we've seemed to be okay. (We always "seem" to be until it doesn't tho lol). But I love him. He's my luv. I'm trying. 🤷‍♀️
But I'm tired. It's late. All I've got for now. Good night. Until next time. ✌&❤
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k-odyssey · 9 months ago
Into the Ring thoughts - character by character
Just some things I liked, this is going to be long...
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Goo Se Ra: I didn’t get into this drama thinking I’d fall in  love with her but here we are. Flawless acting from Nana (which I hadn’t  actually seen in anything before, apart from that time I tried watching  Kill It and decided it wasn’t for me). I really admire how Se Ra stands  up for what she believes in and how she’s not afraid to make a wave and  be loud. She’s honestly such a hard-worker and so full of hope when life didn’t necessarily give her reason to be. (Even when it seems that everyone is against her.) At first I thought her thing about complaints was that she was litigious and loved rules. Turns out she believed in  the democratic process and in sticking to her principles. Also maybe she liked having control in one (1) aspect of her life. I loved the  childhood flashbacks and they really added something to the story.  Seeing how Jong Dae’s death impacted her too made me see her in a new  light. She and Gong Myung have complimentary personalities and similar values and they’re such a good match!!! I always enjoy seeing female leads take the initiative and she definitely does that. She’s so confident! Not in an arrogant sort of way, but in a “she looks like she has a healthy self-talk” way. Her looks are almost never mentioned and I actually find that so refreshing. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t  bring A+ fashion to the district assembly. Her calling out “Gong” is my  absolute favourite thing.
Seo Gong Myung: Another surprise crush. I’m very impressed with Park Sung Hoon! He brings so much to this character!! And obviously his chemistry with Nana is amazing (this drama has the best kisses, just saying). Now I’ve definitely said it before but, lonely characters  finding a place where they belong is my favourite kind of narrative. I feel proud of him for opening up to people and standing up to his dad. I love that he’s Se Ra’s number 1 cheerleader and will do anything for her. The new hair style looks amazing and he deserves all of the happiness okay.
Yoon Hee Soo: Loved her dynamic with Se Ra. Her hanging up on  Chief Jo/Cho in the last episode: very satisfying, 10/10. I like that  she handles the news of Se Ra and Gong Myung being a couple with a lot of grace. Her “revenge” is barely one and she doesn’t become extra mean to Se Ra just because she’s dating her crush. It’s the decent thing to do but so many dramas have a bitchy second lead and I’m relieved that this one doesn’t.
Jo/Cho Maeng Deok: All of that bs about “selling everything you have” was the worst and I would be lying if I said he didn’t deserve his ending. Very nuanced performance from Ahn Nae Sang. There’s times when you can  tell he’s capable of emotions, but he’s just trained himself to ignore  and repress them. My guess is that he was like this before his son died,  but it got worse in the aftermath. His way of dealing with the pain was  to stop feeling anything and focus on his career. This moment of vulnerability with Gong Myung at the end felt very real and raw. I hated  seeing him play god and pull the strings all along, that’s why Yoon Hee Soo turning on him was so amazing.
Kim Min Jae: As Se Ra’s boyfriend, I really disliked him. Chief  Jo/Cho was beginning to rub off on him and quitting was probably the best decision he could make. Good on him. I liked his last scene with Gong Myung because it showed his growth.
Se Ra’s parents: This actually applies to almost every character in this drama because it’s just that well written, but I loved the slow reveal of their backstory. The dad made me so emotional when he realized why Se Ra had got into politics and when he apologized to his wife, and then when he went to find Se Ra at the underground/subway with a pair of shoes. Plus, I love the parallel  with Gong Myung’s father later on. Se Ra’s mum is so good to Gong Myung  and she usually has good intentions, even when she does real stupid  stuff. Se Ra is a mix of both of her parents and it shows.
Se Ra’s friends: It’s great that they each have their own distinct personality but the three of them get along so well. Do I like to imagine Han Bi gets a girlfriend? Yes. But I’m happy with the part of her story we’re actually told. Her relationship with Woo Young’s son is one my fave things and I love that he’s a kid who’s sometimes wise beyond his years and at the same time still very much a child. Woo Young getting into politics and scaring the shit out of old men was the best plot twist.
Gong Myung’s friends/colleagues: These two provided excellent comedy!! Lee Dae Chul trying to act like a spy and Jung Yong Gyu being “controlled” by Gong Myung as Se Ra’s secretary were personal favourites. Side note: Go Dong Chan was absolutely hilarious as well.
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totherainbowsend · 10 months ago
What is a recurring thought on your mind today? The weather. It’s been going from one extreme to the other all day. Have you had any confrontations with anyone lately? Not really. What is the last charity you donated to? I believe it was BLM. Do you feel all fuzzy and good when you do a good deed? Sure. Don’t ya just hate foot cramps? Ugh yes. They’re annoying. I used to get them very frequently, not so much anymore.
Would you say you have an infectious laugh? I’ve been told that I do.
Shouldn’t you be doing something else right now? There’s a couple of things I could be doing, but nothing very urgent. Do you have anything planned for the summer? This summer is quite difficult to make plans for haha. Most of the things I’ve done have been on very much short notice. What is something you worry about often? Just about everything.
Are there any mountains nearby where you live? No huge mountains, just some hills. Did you like to collect frogspawn as a kid? Not that I recall. Do you walk fast or slow? Fast. That’s another thing people like to point out about me. Do you keep birthday cards or throw them out? I usually keep them. Would you consider yourself healthy? Both mind and body. Meh. Mind-wise: probably not, body-wise: I eat fairly healthily and exercise, but I know that my mental health is messing up my physical health. Do you play any team sports? Nope. If so, which position do you play? / Does sitting in waiting rooms drive you insane? Yes. I don’t have to do it too often, but as an impatient person it’s hell. What form of public transport do you use most often? Trains. Would you consider yourself an adrenaline junkie? I think I was a bit of one in my teen years. Not so much these days. Do you ever go onto ‘failblog’? I don’t know what that is.
Have you ever been arrested? If so, why? I haven’t. Do you ever put sticky notes around the place to remind yourself of things? I write to-do lists. Would you eat a spider for $50? Nah.  Would you rather be a kangaroo or a koala? Koala. What is a common slang word from where you live? People using ‘geschäft’(business) as a synonym for their workplace. No matter what sort of job they actually have.  Do you keep your fingers on the home keys when you type? On the what? Are you easy to talk to? I like to think that I am. Can you juggle with more than two items? I don’t think so. Has anyone ever assumed you can’t speak English? Omg this reminds me of when I was living in England and my flatmate’s mum came to visit. She knew that I was German and was really stunned when I replied to her in fluent English because somehow she had assumed I didn’t know English. Which was pretty funny. I remember thinking to myself: “How do you think I get by living here, and being friends with your son?” She was very apologetic once she realised it, though.
Do you live in a rural or an urban area? Urban. At airports do you ever worry your luggage won’t arrive? Every single time. I can’t fully calm down until I’ve picked it up.
Do your parents ever call you ‘pet’ or ‘sweetheart’ etc? No. I’d hate that tbh. If so, does it annoy you? ^ Do you like jalapenos? Yes. What other windows have you currently got opened? This and a website for cheap trains. What woke you up this morning? My alarm. Who else is in the same building as you? My dad. Would you like a penny farthing bicycle? No thank you.
Your name? Caroline. Would you ever consider visiting Ireland? Yes!!! I’ve already been to Dublin but I know there’s so much more to see. Actually one of my friends told me last night he might move there so I’d have another excuse to visit. Would you like to visit Venice? It wouldn’t be the first city in Italy that I would visit if I had the chance, mostly because I’ve already been to Venice once. But I’d definitely love to go back there. I think it has changed a lot since when I visited. Did you ever eat leaves when you were a kid? I don’t think so. What is the largest body of water near your hometown? The Neckar river. Do you have any flags in your house? No. Are there any ‘keep off the grass’ signs where you live? Nope, or at least I haven’t seen them. Have you ever walked on the grass with such a sign? Most likely. Are you double-jointed? Nope. At school which area of science did you prefer: biology/chemistry/physics? Biology. Which did you prefer between geography/history? History. Have you ever had a main part in a play? No, just a supporting role. Are there any musical instruments in the room you’re in? No. I don’t play any. Can you name a difference between RNA and DNA? RNA consists of one strand, DNA of two.
Do you know anyone who owns a farm? I don’t think so? Have you ever driven a tractor? No. Does the smell of the countryside bother you? I’m somewhat used to it as I’ve lived there for most of my life, but it can be...intense. Haha.
Do you drink more water or juice? Water. I hardly ever drink juice.
Sweater weather or tank top weather? Which do you prefer.
Tank top weather as long as the heat isn’t exhaustive. Have you ever kissed a Zachary? I don’t think I know anyone with that name. Do you hate when people try to embarrass you? Sure. Do you like in October when a bunch of haunted places open up? That’s not really a thing here as we don’t celebrate Halloween in Germany. Did you tell someone you loved them today? No. To be fair, I hardly ever say those exact words. Do you watch the show Ghost Adventures? I don’t know what that is. What color are your curtains in your bedroom? I have blinds, which are grey. Are you superstitious? Not really. Is there a cat in the room you’re in right now? No. I can hear my neighbour’s cat outside though. What’s your favorite thing to do on the weekend? Sleep in and have breakfast in bed. Do you have your license? Yes. Do you still watch cartoons? Just BoJack Horseman. Do you like to cook? Occasionally. Do you drink? Yes. Do you smoke? I haven’t smoked in over 100 days :) Where do you buy your clothes? Lots of different stores. My favourites are Only, Topshop, Mango and Next. Do you enjoy going to the movies? I used to, when I was still eligible to get student discounts and all that. Now I just find them overpriced. Are you still in school? Thank goodness I’m not. Do you like cupcakes? Yes.
What makes you sad? Injustice. Seeing other people being sad. Are you an animal lover? Yes. Are you hot-headed? I can be. Do you have any siblings? A sister. Are you afraid of snakes? Not really, but I also don’t come across them too often. Do you have any pets? I don’t.
What color are your eyes? Hazel. How bout your hair? Dark blonde/light brown. How tall are you? 173 cm. Who do you live with? Family. Is there anything you want to ask anyone right now? No. Do you have kids? No. Do you love your family? Meh. What color hair do you prefer on the gender of your choice? Dark. How bout eye color? Green.
Do you have a job? If so, what? Not at the moment, but I got a job offer today that I will most likely accept :) What is your dream job? I don’t really have one in that sense. What did you “wanna be” when you were a little kid? It changed all the time. What’s your favorite kind of movie? I like indie movies, comedies and thrillers best. Are you gay, straight, bi, lesbian, asexual, or not sure? Straight. What kind of music is your favorite? Indie, Alternative Rock, Classic Rock, Folk, Lo-Fi and Synthwave are what I listen to the most these days, but I can appreciate many types of music. Do you play any instruments or sing? What kind? No. I learned the violin as a child but I don’t remember anything. Have you ever been to a concert? If so, what was your favorite one? Yes. I think my favourite was Green Day in 2017. Are you more negative or more positive? I prepare for the worst, but hope for the best. Have you ever been depressed? Yep. How are you feeling, dear? Not too bad. Mhm and how’s the weather where you’re at? 4.30pm, 20 degrees and sunny. Okay and have you been healthy lately? Meh. I was sick with the summer flu a couple of weeks ago, but honestly I’m relieved it was just that and nothing major. Are you in middle school, high school, college, graduate? Graduated uni last year. What is/was your favorite class? In school it was biology and humanities, and in uni it was Digital Marketing. Have you made any life altering decisions lately? Yes. Where is your favourite place to get pizza? I have more than one place.
Do you have any physical traits that are bothering you lately? Just the ones that are always bothering me.
What is the closest store to you? There’s a cluster of a supermarket, a drugstore, a bakery and a discounter about 5 minutes from me. Do you have any songs currently stuck in your head? Not right now. Have you made a CV? Plenty of times. Where is the last place you applied for a job? (If you have) I’ve applied for lots of jobs very recently. Are you photogenic? I wouldn’t consider myself so. Are there any concert venues where you live? Not in my town, but there are some nearby. Are you annoyed at anyone these days? Myself, mostly. Which continent would you most like to travel to and why? Asia probably. As a European I can’t even fathom how massive this continent actually is. Plus there are so many diverse countries and cultures. Have you ever/would you ever do volunteer work? I haven’t. I would actually love to get involved with volunteer work some day, but when I was in uni I struggled enough with part-time work already. Do you know anyone that has died in a road accident? I don’t think so. Do you know which career path you want to follow? I have some ideas. I feel like career paths aren’t as rigid as they used to be anymore, though. Are there a lot of tourists where you live? There are zero tourists in my town, some in the area, but there are definitely more touristy areas in Germany. Any plans for your next birthday? If everything goes to plan I’ll have moved by then.
Do you have to use public transport often? Not currently, but there were times when I used it on a daily basis. Does your house have an alarm? Yes. Have you ever asked someone out on a date? Yes. Whose grave did you last visit? My grandmas’s. What’s something someone can do that makes you melt? Hmmm. What are you listening to right now? An indie playlist. If you won a lot of money on the lottery, what would you buy first? I would probably pay off my student loans first.
What’s your greatest fear? Failure. Has anyone upset you in the last week? Yes. What’s the best thing about you? You’d have to ask other people. What’s your favorite drink? Coffee and beer. What are you going to do tomorrow? I have no plans per se as the appointment I had got postponed to Thursday. What are you craving? Nothing in particular. How did you sleep last night? I woke up around half past 1, messaged a friend for a while, then tried to fall back asleep but didn’t manage until 4am or so.
What was the first thing you thought this morning? Probably something like I’m very much shattered. Haha.
If your favorite food gave you pain, made you have acne, etc., would you still eat it? I don’t know tbh. I would probably try to reduce the amount I ate it.
Have you ever been judged on something you wore? Sure.
Are you a timid person? I can be.
Think QUICK what word begins with c? Chameleon.
Are you a funny person? I think so. Be honest, do you go for looks more or personality? Well personality is obviously more important in the long run, but you can’t really guess someone’s personality based on their looks.
Ever been so upset but didn’t understand why? Yes. I often don’t know why I feel the way I do.
Are you a flirty person? Yep.
Are you homophobic? I mean....I don’t see what I do that would make me one, but I honestly think when you’re a straight person it’s pretty easy to say you’re not a homophobe and never reflect on what you actually do. 
Ever had a rumor spread about you? Yes.
Has anyone ever pulled your pants down in public? No. Does this actually happen apart from in primary schools?
Ever had the ‘birds and the bees’ talk with your parents? I got that talk in school. It’d be so weird and awkward to have that conversation with my parents.
How would you react if someone said you ruined their life? I’d feel guilty as hell, probably. 
Are you a sympathetic person? I think so.
Ballet dance or hip hop dance? I did hip-hop throughout my teen years and in uni for a bit. I would have loved to learn ballet as a child, though. What’s currently bothering you right now? My hair is annoying me.
What is the most athletic you’ve done? Running 10k every other day for several months.
Do you remember the first conversation you ever had with the person you currently have feelings for? With whom?
Do you like to drink herbal tea? I only drink it when I’m unwell.
If you’re home alone, do you still close/lock the door when you use the bathroom? Sometimes, out of habit.
What your favorite thing to have on toast? Peanut butter.
Has anyone ever hung up on you? Yes.
Have you ever been to a concert? Many.
Can you speak more than one language? If so, what other language(s)? German, French and Spanish.
Are you talking to anyone right now? I’m texting a few people.
If so, how do you feel about them? They’re pretty great.
Do you know anyone who skateboards? I know a few people who used to do it.
Do you ever sing when you’re alone? Sure.
What’s the stupidest song you’ve listened to today? Why would I actively listen to music I consider stupid? Are you listening to music, currently? Yes.
How do you feel about the song? I like it. When someone teases you do you frown or give an amazing comeback? Most of the time I can’t think of a good comeback on the spot. That only happens hours or days afterwards. Do you think you can sing? I’m not bad, but not talented either.
Do you have any talent? No.
Do you think you’re better looking than some other people? I think that’s a completely subjective concept.
Do you like dancing? Yes.
What’s your favorite zoo animal? Lions. I don’t like zoos, though.
How is your hair currently styled? Down.
How long are your showers (on average)? 15 minutes?
East or West? ?
What did you do last night? Watched some movie on Netflix, but I think I fell asleep at some point throughout it as I don’t remember the ending.
Do you like your music loud? Sometimes. Depends on what I’m doing and my mood.
What are you allergic to? I don’t have allergies as far as I’m concerned.
Do you ever stay up late just to be awake? Yes. 
What do you want to name your children? I don’t want to have any.
Would you ever write a letter to someone you haven’t met yet, like your future spouse? Eh, probably not.
Did the last movie you watched make you cry? Nope.
Are you a good swimmer? No. I know how to swim, but I don’t practice regularly and it was never my strongest point either.
What are you always thinking about? Life.
Is science your favorite subject? I enjoyed biology a lot in high school and even did it at A-level, but other than that I always struggled with science. It is nevertheless interesting. When you’re really worked up, what do you do to relax? Go out in nature.
Would you rather spend the day watching movies or on an intense hike? Depends what you consider an intense hike haha. I like hiking and exploring new places in nature, but with experienced hikers I’d be out of breath easily.
Did you ever try the cereal Special K? I don’t know what that is.
Think of the last person you kissed, was it memorable? It was, but not because it was particularly good ha.
You have the choice of being poor but happy, or rich but miserable. Which is it? Poor and happy, I guess.
Do you think girls with short hair are less good looking than those with long hair? Wtf no. I know plenty of girls with short hair who look great. I actually want to chop off my hair, too.
0 notes
supercalvin · 10 months ago
Prompts + Ficlets
Arthur smiled, hoping it came off as polite and genuine instead of forced. He had been told several times (often by his caring but out-spoken boyfriend) that he when he was uncomfortable he looked like someone was pointing a knife into his back and telling him to smile.
So Arthur prayed he had figured out how to control his face because he really wanted to leave a good impression on Merlin’s mum. He had never met any of his friend’s parents besides Leon’s, and he had never dreamed he would be able to meet his boyfriend’s parents. It was hard to comprehend when he knew how Uther would react if he knew about Arthur’s sexuality.
Now he was barely a minute into meeting Hunith and he felt like he had already messed it up.
“Did I get it right?” Hunith asked, her smile falling just a hair. “Merlin, you told me he was bi.”
“He is,” Merlin said, nudging Arthur with an elbow. “He’s just not used to gifts, mum.”
“Yes, thank you. It’s perfect,” Arthur said, his thumbs nervously running over the bisexual pride flag embossed on the mug. He hadn’t expected a gift when he came to visit Merlin’s mum.
“She always does this,” Merlin said with a smile, pressing a kiss to his mum’s hair. He was well over a head taller than her, and it made Arthur’s heart seize in his chest watching them. “She likes to get my friends pride things. Half of my rainbow things come from her.”
“It’s just a bit of fun, Merlin. Stop teasing,” She smacked him and pulled him into the house. “Come on, take your coat off.”
“I’ll go put this in the boot,” Arthur said, desperate to get a breath before going inside the house.
Arthur heard Hunith whisper to Merlin, “Everything alright?”
Then Merlin’s soft and gentle voice (too soft and too gentle, like Arthur would break), “It was a long drive.”
But Arthur knew what he meant. That Arthur was a disaster with parents. That the few seconds he had seen of Hunith, he already knew she was nothing like Uther. That Arthur could never imagine a universe in which Uther gave him a mug with the bi pride flag on it.
Arthur opened the back of his car, wondering how long he could linger there without being suspicious. It didn’t matter because less than a minute later he heard the click of the front door. Merlin come out to check on him.
“Ugh,” Arthur thudded his head against the lid of the boot, “I’m fine. I just give me a minute, Merlin.”
“Not Merlin.”
Arthur whirled around to find Hunith standing there with a pot of tea, as if that were normal thing to do in one’s front garden.
“Come now, it’d be a shame to let it sit unused.” Hunith reached out for the bi-pride mug and before Arthur knew it, she was pouring him a warm cup of tea. He awkwardly cradled the mug close to his chest.
“Merlin told me your Dad isn’t too supportive.”
“Understatement,” Arthur said with a little huff of laughter.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Hunith said. “Does he know?”
Arthur shook his head. “I can’t…”
“You don’t have to, love.” Hunith said with a reassuring voice.
“I do like the mug,” Arthur said after an awkward pause, “I don’t have anything pride related.”
“I’m sure I will change the more you stick around.”
The implication that she felt he would be a frequent visitor in his house made his stomach flip. His relationship with Merlin wasn’t new, over a year now, but he still sometimes felt like he was stumbling in the dark.
“Did Merlin send you out here?” Arthur asked as he sipped his tea.
“No, begged me not to, actually.” Hunith said with the glee only a parent who loved to tease their child could have. “But I’m sure he’s fogging up my windows, pressing his face to the glass. So we best get inside.”
Arthur nodded as he closed his boot, “Best not the leave him on his own for too long.”
“My god. Isn’t that true,” Hunith said, slipping a hand into the crook of Arthur’s elbow and leading him inside.
Arthur felt a little part of him was lighter.
Prompts + Ficlets
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fanfics-only-for-me · 10 months ago
Call of the Void (part 3)
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Word Count:  4737
How are the Titans going to handle the reluctant new stray Dick picked up and what exactly is she running from?
Rose doesn't exist and Jeremiah is dead. Everything in the show is the same up to when they find Rose on the telly. Imma just swap her with y/n cause I'm a narcissist. Y/N is 18 nearly 19.  Don't @ me cause i know this is hella shite. Readers bi but I’m not certain if she’s gonna be romantically involved with anyone yet.
Dick's mind was plaguing him all night, there was simply too many unanswered questions running through his mind.  His decision not to invade her privacy in order to allow trust to build naturally seemed more and more unnecessary.  He could just not tell her.  Allow her to believe he was clueless, however, if he slipped up and said something he shouldn't know, any hope of trust between them would be gone.  He spent hours in bed jumping from thought to thought, planning out every interaction or conversation he might have with her.  Being a detective meant he had an arsenal of interrogation techniques at his disposal, it also meant he knew that building trust was the most important step in getting someone to open up.  He had almost five hours before the surgeon arrived yet he decided to get out of bed and set up the medical room anyway.  Get it out of the way.  
By the time the room was set up for the surgery, only an hour had passed.  The voice in his head was still telling him to just search her up, that he was a detective for god sakes, he knew how to pretend he didn't know stuff.  Looking around the room one final time, Dick left and headed next door where the girl was.  Standing at the doorway and looking in at the unconscious stranger hooked up to the beeping machine, Dick was overcome with a strange sense of guilt.  He knew he wasn't to blame in the slightest and yet, the feeling rested heavily on him.  Perhaps invading her privacy would be a good idea, after all, if he knew more about her then he'd be better at protecting her and convincing her to stay.  Looking at the girl again, Dick turned and headed to the computer room.  She won't be upset about something she doesn't know about.
Using Bruce's system, Dick began a facial recognition.   He was only going to find out the basics, he wasn't going to pry and he wasn't going to judge he reasoned with himself as he input her image into the facial recognition.  Once the loading bar hit 100%, Dick leaned in, watching as the girls face and personal information filled the screens.  Y/F/N Y/L/N, aged only Y/A.  There was nothing odd about her at all.  They had two parents, both of which living out of the country, no criminal record to speak of, and she graduated from an ordinary high school last year with slightly above average grades. 
Unsatisfied, Dick began to dig deeper.  She was a freelance writer since she was 16, mainly writing online articles or even college essays for clients, getting her jobs off of some generic freelance website, being paid between $30 - $200 depending on the job.  The only hint of an oddity was the gap in her living situation.  She lived with her parents, was taken off of the household registry and then appeared six months later in San Francisco renting a small loft.  Then again, the gap is easily explainable, she was still taking jobs at the time so it was most likely she was living with a friend, just not officially.  
If Dick didn't see those CCTV cameras then he would have just assumed she was an ordinary girl.  Nothing special, nothing to raise an eyebrow, just an average person doing average things.  Then again, Rachel seems normal if you only look at her documents.  He was pulled out of his thoughts as he caught the time, 05:00.  The surgeon was due to arrive at any moment.  Shutting the system down, Dick turned to leave only to be greeted with the sight of a curious Jason leaning on the door.  Dick guessed he was probably there for a while.
"Anything interesting?" Jason asked.
"No," Dick replied slipping past him and down the hall, "Everything's just... normal." 
"Who was she running from then?" Jason shouted after Dick.
"Haven't a clue."
As Dick entered the common area, the buzzer went off.  They were here.  The surgeon stepped out of the elevator and handed Dick her bag.  
"Boy wonder, it's been a while." came the woman with a thick German accent, "Who's hurt this time?"
"Not one of us, surprisingly," Dick smiled warmly at his old friend letting go of her hand, "I found her last night, I told you about her injury over the phone."
The surgeon, Dr Kindler, was an elderly woman with a chubby build, sharp features, and a stoic face.  Dick's known her for years, she'd always show up when Bruce or himself needed some help without raising any concerns at the hospital, in fact, Dick often thought of her as his grandma, not that he'd ever tell her.  Bruce gave her an extremely generous paycheck on the 1st of every month, even if she wasn't needed, she still got paid.  She had to be reaching her late 70s by now yet her sharp tongue and steady hands stayed as constant as ever.
"Where is she then?" she asked waving her hand a 'hurry up' motion.
Dick began leading her towards the medical room where he set up an area suitable for her to work.  Dick held the door open as she glided past him towards the only occupied bed in the room.  Looking at the girl's feet, she asked Dick if she had any other injuries, receiving a 'no' in return she motioned for her bag.  The bag was a musty brown leather in the style Dick only ever saw in old movies like Mary Poppins.  There were many similarities between Mary Poppins' bag and Dr Kindler's, mainly as both appeared bottomless.  Grabbing her bag, Dr Kindler took out a metal tray and small , individually wrapped, surgical tools.  She told Dick to bring the girl into the prepared area, before getting herself ready with the equipment and gear.  Dick wheeled the bed into the room next door and slowly placed her onto the surgery table.  He took the braces off her just as Kindler came in holding her tray of tools.  
"Close the door behind you", she told Dick as she walked over to the girl and set the tray down.  
Dick nodded as he walked out with the braces in hand.  Closing the door behind him, he walked across to the medical room and placed the braces on the counter.  The younger ones should be heading to training soon.
​​​​Gar, Rachel, and Jason wandered into the training room at half five greeting Dick good morning.  Once all three of them arrived, Dick laid out the days training routine.  Although the three were a bit disgruntled about the repetitiousness of everything, Dick insisted they carried on exactly as they were as the goal was to ingrain the moves into muscle memory and the only way to do that is by repeating the same things over and over again.  He stayed and trained with the trio for two hours before the group split up all heading to their rooms for a much-earned break.  Dick grabbed his coat and headed to the room where Dr Kindler and her patient were.  He stood at the viewing window as he watched as Kindler stitch up one of Y/N's ankles. 
As Kindler began cutting through the bandages on her other foot, Rachel came over and stood beside Dick.  It was quite for a few minutes as they watched Kindler deposit the bandages in a small pedal bin.  Dick took a few steps down the hall and looked towards Rachel.
"Ready to get our coffee?" he asked her.
Two days ago, Y/N's POV
There's something about showers that I can't quite explain, the warmth of the water washing over you coupled with the steam clouding your vision and fogging up the mirrors, it's like every sin is washed away with the dirt of the day and all the shame and loneliness is hidden inside the steamed up mirror.  They say that the longer your showers are, the lonelier you are.  It's because it's supposed to be like a hug, the warmth of steam replacing that of another's flesh.  That may be true for some but not for me.  I could stay in the shower for hours, and have on some occasions, but cuddling with someone and sharing your warmth is just... uncomfortable.  Everyone has a different body temperature and when you're with someone else with a higher body temperature then you: it's hell.  You start heating up and sweating but if you move it's a bit awkward especially if they're enjoying themself, and so, you just stay there... giving up your comfort for theirs.   A shower isn't like that, a shower is much warmer than you but any sweat is washed away before it can even fully form and any movement inside the shower goes unnoticed.  Then again, the human instinct to socialise is ingrained in our DNA and impossible to ignore once the shower turns off. 
I broke up with my ex-girlfriend, Adria, a few months back.  She wasn't the love of my life by any means and neither was I to hers.  I started freelance writing when I was 16, a friend showed me this website that would hire people to write stuff or transcribe videos and audio files in exchange for money.  What teenager turns away money?  So I started writing, as my reference sheet grew longer, I was able to take higher paid jobs.  I even once helped ghostwrite a series of children stories with a few other "ghosts" online.  After a while it had become a legitimate, mostly stable, job.  That's how I met Adria.  She's a 40-year old artist living in San Francisco, and to a scarcely 18-year-old girl, she was hella cool.  She put a posting up looking for someone to write small descriptions for her art pieces in a gallery coming up, she moved to the U.S from Italy a few months back and her English was a bit dodgy in places.  By this point, I had a long resume which included a few art appreciation articles I wrote for a previous client.  I applied and two days later and I got the job.  
I was living with my mum and dad at the time, and although they were never physically abusive, they were very neglectful and harsh verbally.  I think they had me because that was what you were supposed to do in those days; get married and have a kid, and so they did.  They're the kind of people who are always right, even when they're not.  Aggressiveness was their only reaction to criticism so any conversation with them was like balancing on a tightrope, sometimes I'd slip up and face the harshness of the fall, other times it would be fine.  I'd try and reach out sometimes, seek advice or something, but their dismissive nature was a great deterrent.  I don't think they loved me or even each other, they just said they did. 'I love you's' were exchanged as easily as 'hello's.  What's worse is that I'm bi; I don't only have daddy issues but mommy issues as well.  
It's probably why the middle-aged Italian was so alluring.  In order to write the descriptions for her pieces, we would talk online, she'd talk about her work so passionately and I would be taking notes.  Our talks would usually end off-topic, the conversation gradually flowing into personal life, interests, and preferences.  The poet Charles Bukowski once said that "flesh searches for more than flesh" and I believed that was exactly what my own flesh was doing, searching for not only flesh but a soul that could touch my own.  As her exhibition crept closer, so did we.  When it finally came time she invited me out to the exhibition, promising a plane ticket and a place to stay for a few nights.  A week later I was on the plane.  
A few days turned into a few weeks and before long, we had lived together for almost seven months before I moved out having enough saved up to make the deposit on the small loft I'm in now.  I thought I had found more than flesh in her but she only found flesh in me.  It was more of a sugar baby and sugar mommy relationship then a real one, so I just left.  I'm thankful for the footing she gave me in life but she and I just don't belong together and I'm okay with that.  It's been two months since we broke up and I'm still hung up on it.  Turning the shower off, I reach for the towel and dry off.  I have a deadline due in a few days and although mostly done, I still have to edit it.  Throwing the towel in the clothes hamper I pull on my underwear, a pair of loose-fitting white shorts and a grey t-shirt, I'm not leaving the house today so this outfit is more than enough.  Grabbing my laptop I place it on the coffee table before turning on the kettle. 
Plonking down on the sofa, tea in hand, I turn on the television, it was some news report on Superman's recent heroic deed.  I remember when I was a kid and playing superheroes and villains on the playground, a group of 3-foot tall screaming kids chasing the poor soul who was playing the bad guy that day.  I always wanted to become a superhero so when I found out I actually had powers I was ecstatic.  I wasn't dumb though, I watched all the cartoon superhero shows and one rule they all had in common was to never reveal your true identity.  So I didn't... kind of; I showed a few people when I was a kid.  I'm sure they probably just dismiss the memory of it as childhood imagination, we were all under ten anyways.  Back then I thought it was so cool, but now, not so much. 
It feels as though I'm submerging myself in a warm bath, closing my eyes shut as I slip under, before opening them up underwater.  The whole world stops as if frozen in time and objects and people lose whatever mass they once held allowing me to pass through them like they were nothing but fog.  In this moment of frozen time, only I exist, only I am able to move.  I don't teleport, I just walk to wherever I want to be and when I resurface, I'm there.  As I grew older, a voice began to accompany me in the water, it was like it was calling to me, speaking softly in my ear in a language so ethereal and, unfortunately, incomprehensible.  The older I got, the stronger its whispers grew, the more forceful they became, and the more maddening their effect was.  The whole 'become a superhero' thing was quickly dismissed.  It was like a shadow in at the end of the bed.  You can turn on the light and be rid of it, but once the dark returns, as it inevitably does, it'll be back to haunt you once more.  Besides, superheroes are shit.
If I focus I can bring things with me, usually a backpack and whatever I'm wearing, but if I let go of it, it loses its mass and becomes fog like everything else, and I can no longer pick it up.  Once I come out, whatever I dropped in the water stays there, it never comes back out, always existing, but never able to leave.  Whenever I stay in the water too long, the maddening voice demands my focus on it and nothing else.  If I stay too long in the water, I'll lose myself completely, and just like my hello kitty pencil case back in middle school, I'll be lost to the void forever.  
Now, a few weeks away from 19, and the voice is growing stronger.  Its voice has slipped through the void and into the world with me.  It's not constant, only when I'm under some form of pressure does it surface, as if it senses my distress, the darkness creeping in, and begins whispering in my ear, sometimes so loud it blocks everything else out.  It's like its calling out to me, reminding me I can just slip back under the water where it's safe.  I don't know if I'm a coward because I stay here or because I refuse to stay with the voice for longer then a few minutes, too scared to give up life.  I'm pulled out of my thoughts when a sharp pain hits the side of my neck, within seconds everything turns black.
Everything hurts.  I'm cold, my tongue feels like I've been licking sandpaper, and I'm in so much pain.  Whatever harsh light is glaring down on me keeps my eyes screwed shut, even with them closed I can still feel my pupils shrinking painfully in an attempt to hide from their assaulter.  My body feels stiff and a pulsing pain comes from one of my feet, so much so I might puke if it continues for any longer.  I'm savagely pulled out of my half-sleep state when hands delicately grasp my foot and a pain so sudden and blindingly sharp tears through my being.  I let out a scream so loud it could have been mistaken for that of the Banshee herself.  I quickly notice that no matter how hard I struggled to get away from my assaulter, I could scarcely move.  I was wrapped to the cold metal with binds so tight I'm sure it was restricting blood flow.  The reassuring whispers of the unknown entity filled the air once more as my head is quickly grasped and tilted to the side.  On instinct, I dove back into the water before things could progress further.
The frantic whispers surrounded me in the massless void.  I didn't have time to properly check my injuries, I had to get somewhere safe first.  Dragging myself off of the table and through a wall, a nearby window revealed where I was, still in San Francisco, close to the top in one of the skyrises.  I had a long climb down to go.   Every few minutes I had to tuck myself into a small hidden space and reappear, I'd catch my breath and try to calm myself down, before submerging to crawl another few meters.   By some miracle, I managed to get out of the place without being caught.  Crawling down the street, cutting through buildings and greenery in order to get home quicker, only reappearing when the creature's voice grew disturbingly alluring.  I tried to only appear in camera blind spots, only slipping up once in a while and having to expose myself in the middle of a street or even inside a few buildings.  Halfway home, and light-headed due to blood loss, I realised that whoever these people were, they took me from my place; they know where I live, it wasn't safe there.  I dragged myself around the city for a while, paranoid and looking over my shoulder constantly before I wondered to the pier.  There weren't any cameras nearby and I knew I wasn't going to stay conscious for long so thinking quickly, I decided it would do.
Crawling into a random warehouse I reappeared briefly before noticing the rusting storage containers littering the place.  There were hundreds of them and many of them had a large chain around the doors, a few so rusted the keyhole to the padlocks was rusted over.   Disappearing once again I poked my head inside a few containers before coming across a mainly empty one, with a rusted chain sealing the thing shut.  Crawling inside, I sat against the tin walls and finally looked down at my feet. 
A large gash on both heels like something out of a slasher film.  I felt like I was going to be sick as I looked at the injury, seeing inside my own foot.  Everything was red except the two pale bunched up rope-like things inside.  It doesn't take a genius to realise it was a tendon especially as any movement in my feet was cut off, literally.  The blood flow had already slowed but there was still so much oozing out.  Panicking, I looked around tonight's accommodation for anything to help stop the bleeding only to be met with nothing.  Grabbing the bottom of my shirt I ripped it a few times and began tying it around my heels as best and as tight as I could.  My world was slowly filling with black spots and the cold of the steel on my exposed legs and midsection only served to make me even weaker, so I gave up.  I laid down on the cold tin, curled up to preserve any body heat I had left, and slipped into sweet unconsciousness, it was literally like sleep to the freezing.
Present Day, Training Room in Titans Tower
Jason was practising with the blindfold and wooden sword as Rachel watched on amused.  He was swinging the thing around exactly as Dick had taught, as much as Jason loved to complain, he never missed training.  Gar walked into the room with a box of Cheezits and a Gatorade for Rach and himself, hearing someone enter, Jason straightened up and removed his blindfold as Gar handed her the snacks before sitting down on one of the many benches.  It was the second training period of the day, and Rachel had just come back from getting coffee with Dick.  She explained to the group that Dick was checking in with the doctor and would probably be busy for a while. 
"What's wrong with her anyway," asked Jason, "I mean besides the being unconscious stuff"
"It's her ankles," Gar explained, "Someone severed her tendons, professionally done too."
"So she can't walk?" Jason deadpanned asked, "She can teleport for fucks sakes, she doesn't need too.  Whoever cut them mustn't have known too much about her."
"Look," Rachel said, "Whoever she is, she needs our help.  If the people chasing her didn't know about her powers when they took her, then they know she has them now.  Dick helped me when I needed him, it's only right we do it for her."
"We don't even know if we can trust her," Jason explained putting the wooden sword on the rack, "Hell, we don't even know what the fuck she is."
"What she is is a person who needs help," Rachel explained.
"I gotta agree with Rachel," Gar stated, "You should have seen her when Dick brought her in.  She would've died if he didn't find her."
"Maybe there's a reason people were after her in the first place," Jason said sitting across from the two, "She's obviously some kind of metahuman, she's probably dangerous."
"No offence Jason," Rachel countered, "But I doubt teleportation is as dangerous as you think it is.  She's just moving from one place to another, it's not as if she's turning people inside out."
"Look, my vote is we kick her ass out" Jason responded.
"Who says we even get a vote?" Gar intersected.
"Who says she even wants to stay?" Rachel questioned disappointed in the guys in front of her, "Look it's hard to believe, but maybe her idea of paradise isn't sharing a bathroom with you, Jason."
"She has a place to go to," Jason explained slightly worked up, "Dick looked her up, she has a job and everything, she doesn't need to stay here.  I say bandage her up and kick her out."
"Even if she does she can hardly go back to it now," Rachel said, "People were after her Jason, you saw the CCTV.  If you know where she lives then they probably know too."
"Fine," Jason gave in, "But if she turns out to be some crazy monster chick, I'm not helping."
Outside Surgery Room
Dick stood outside the room watching through the viewing window as Dr Kindler was wrapping up the final part of the girl's cast, her other foot already wrapped up.  Dick was thinking to himself about how the girl was going to react after waking up and find herself in a pair of grey casts reaching from her foot to mid-calf.  How she was going to react to the place and the team in general.  Looking up from her completed work, Dr Kindler turned to the viewing window and beckoned Dick to join her.
Coming into the room Dr Kindler asked him to wheel her off the table and back into the bed in the other room.  Following behind him, she explained the girl's state, confirming that it was a precise cut and whoever did it, had some form of medical training.  Pulling the blanket over Y/N's sleeping figure, Dick asked about any long time disabilities or if it was possible for a full recovery.
"A full recovery is on the table," Kindler explained as she began hooking the girl up to some IV drips and other sorts. "She's been given the best treatment by the best doctor around, and besides, she's young.  Younger ones tend to pop back up a lot more then you'd think.  There's is a chance things might not heal properly but like I said, she's had the best doctor."
"How long will that be?" Dick asked watching Kindler begin writing in her notebook.
"You've never been patient, you know that?" Kindler reprimanded, "I gave her a small dose of general anaesthesia, she doesn't seem to be in a coma so I'd say once the anaesthesia wears off in a few hours, she should be waking up.  After that, the cast will stay on for a week while she takes oxycodone and acetaminophen, I'm writing the dosage now, once this cast is off she'll be in an aircast and begin putting light pressure on the feet, no walking just light pressure, two weeks in that and she can do light exercise without them.  In total, about a month and a half for a full recovery, you rush it, it'll be longer.  Here." 
Dr Kindler ripped the page of the notebook she was writing on out and handed it to Dick.  The piece of paper outlined Y/N's recovery, from the dosage to suggested activities, Dr Kindler outlined every small detail.  Looking up from the paper, Dick realised Dr Kindler had finished packing her bag and began to move past him.  Dick accompanied her out of the building and into her car, making small talk along the way and giving her car a wave as it drove off.  Dick headed back up, the group should be in the training room and he needed to make a start on breakfast.
It was reaching 8 pm and Y/N still hadn't woken up.  Dick sat alone in the computer room, checking the CCTV cameras from the other night for any signs of the chaser, whilst the live video of the medical bay was playing in the corner, Dick wanted to be able to talk to her quickly after she woke before she could disappear.  Besides the usual traffic of San Francisco, there was something odd.  A dark grey armoured van was patrolling the streets the same night, going down alleyways whilst a few men with what looked to be riot gear would routinely step out and search the immediate area before re-entering the van.  Overlaying the vans route and Y/N's path from that night, Dick noticed how, at times, Y/N was mere meters away from the search party, at one point there was only a wall between them.  The group eventually lost track of Y/N entirely and chose to wait outside her apartment complex until dawn.  There was no doubt they were after her. 
Dick began running the license plate through the system when in the corner of his eye he noticed movement from the med bay.  Looking at the screen he expected her to disappear almost immediately, he watched as she sat disoriented looking around herself before reaching out for the wheelchair in the corner of her room, just out of her reach.  Deciding not to push his luck further, Dick left the room.  He could look into the van later.
45 notes · View notes
youarejesting · 11 months ago
Femme: 49
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[Masterlist] Pairing: BTS - OT7 x Reader, GDragon x Bigbang, Erik Nam, Hyuna x Dawn, Black Pink x Female oc, TXT x robot oc, Got7 x Female oc, IU. Rating: Mature themes mentioned but not really explored. Length: 2.6k Announcement: Wow so much has been going on I cried three times today my eyes are swollen haha. My kitten went to be vaccinated microchipped and neutered so I am emotional. My Fur-baby I cried the moment I had to leave and when I got him back. Beta: @lpayne612​  Warnings: Struggle to get pregnant out lined by red dividers as I know this can hit home to some, Implied smut, a rough patch in the relationship, angst. 
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You were almost thirty. You were getting comfortable in your busy life, and your husbands made sure to help with everything everyday. “Children come here!” you called, they all headed over at varying speeds. You handed each their bags, kissing their heads. Right at the back of the line was two and a half year old Yubi with her new leg braces with her favorite cartoons on them. 
Yubi finally was ready for kindy - she was slower than kids her age but she got things done properly, in her own time. It was all about knowing her limits and she loved the kids and everything about her daycare. 
You were approached one day at work by a young girl named Lee Ji-Eun, she was a sweet young lady with a wristband on, signifying she was a child of a femme. She looked around the shop and dropped in a resume, and you listened to what she had to say. Hiring her on the spot. 
Ji-Eun was a diligent hard, worker - she liked to hum and sing while working which was refreshing. You began teaching her all the powerful life lessons you had learned from your mentor, Moon In-shik, and from being Eric’s mentor. 
It was a really refreshing thing that helped you develop some perspective on life: what was important versus what we think is important. 
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Stepping into the house, you helped Seokjin with dinner and set the table. The children had entered from the backyard where they had been watering the garden. 
“Mirae, did you feed your brother dirt?”
“No, daddy eoky,” Mirae smiled up at Seokjin hiding her dirt-covered hands behind her back. 
“Hoowayway,” Hobi smiled softly at his son, “are you hungry?”
“Daddy bi,” Huimang gave a dirt-covered cheeky grin, Taehyung and 
Jimin cackled. 
“My poor boy are they picking on you?” Hoseok carried his son to the bathroom in the hopes of washing the dirt out of his teeth.
“Mimi,” you knelt down with an impassive look trying to not laugh at the situation, “did you feed Huimang some dirt?”
“No, Ama.”
“Baby, tell mummy it’s okay, you aren’t in trouble.” You softly gave her a hug “Did he eat the dirt?”
“Yes, Ama,” she pouted and you gave her a big smile.
“Thank you baby for being honest and not lying to mummy. Mummy is so proud, but perhaps next time we don’t feed our brother dirt, it’s not good for people to eat dirt, it’s yucky.”
“Yes Ama, I am sowwy.”
“Come on it’s time for dinner, go race to the bathroom and Daddy Bi will help you wash your hands. Make sure you say sorry to Hui okay baby?” You smiled giving her two big kisses on her cheeks.
“Mum, I got an invitation to a birthday party this weekend, is that okay?” Kyungju said shuffling closer and handing over the birthday invitation.
“Let me see,” you smiled, taking the letter and reading the details. “Oh my boy, you can go, of course who do you want to take you?”
“I want dad to take me, but he might say no.”
“What am I saying no to?” Yoongi took the letter and smiled fondly at the old invitation style. “Have you got your friend a present yet?”
“Not yet,” he seemed to realize and Yoongi laughed at his son’s reaction.
“Tomorrow after school we can go and pick out a present, and I will take you to the party on Saturday.”
The two walked to the large dining room table and you sighed, a big family was exhausting but it filled your heart with undeniable happiness to watch all the children grow up. A small hand tugged on your sleeve, Yubi had come to check on you.
Sweeping her into your arms you walked her to her booster chair and sat down ready for all the drama of a big family dinner. “Jae Eun, don’t put peas on your brother’s plate.”
“So we have been talking as a family,” Namjoon smiled and you raised an eyebrow looking down the other end of the table with a curious expression.
“As a family without me?” you snickered. 
“Yes well, it was a topic we wanted to discuss before bringing it up to you.” 
“Okay, I am all ears,” you picked up some broccoli and hid it under a piece of meat - trying to convince Yubi to eat her vegetables. She cleverly saw and whined until it was taken away. She was pretty clever for a two and a half-year-old.
You looked around the table watching everyone eat and scooped up some rice while waiting for this news. “We would like to have one last child,” Hoseok smiled brightly. Gasping in shock had you inhaling grains of rice into your trachea. Yoongi lazily raised his hand and patted your back while Jungkook handed you a large glass of water.
The feeling of disbelief filled you for a brief moment - you had in fact told Jimin and Seokjin that you would allow them the joys of having a baby. Even then it seemed outrageous to add any more to the family. You looked around remembering how sad and lonely you had felt when you had first moved into the house and had all these empty rooms and big dreams. You looked at the table spotting the exact space another little one could slip into and the joy and confidence it would bring to your hesitant Jimin.
“Okay, I think another child would be perfect,” unable to prevent yourself from smiling, “but if we do this we should go to a fertility clinic.”
“Of course, wait why are we going to a fertility clinic?” Jimin looked at you confused, you could see the concern in his eyes.
“To make sure everything is working fine for one more baby.”
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Some of the children were excited for another sister or brother, and others weren’t bothered. Kyungju was weirdly excited - saying he liked having a big family and being the big brother. Jeongsan was a little worried about having another crying baby in the house again but, you assured him he didn’t have to worry and the parents would deal with the baby.
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The clinic was cold. You had to sit in a paper gown while you had ultrasounds, pap smears, and blood tests. All to check your fertility levels, hoping for some positive results that would indicate you would be able to fall pregnant reasonably quickly.
The doctor sat you down after the check-up. “Now everything looks good, but we will have to wait for the results to know for sure what we’re dealing with,” the doctor said with a smile. “Now judging just by average standards, when you turn thirty the success rate is eighty-six percent for couples who try for a whole year.”
You felt a sense of dread. What if this didn’t work out and Jimin never had the chance of conceiving a child of his own? You weren’t really listening to the doctor who was currently prattling on about complication rates and more, you just sat thinking over what you would do if this didn’t happen.
Jimin was driving the van back to the apartment and you told him to pull over. “Is something wrong?”
“What do we do if this doesn’t work?’
“Hey don’t stress, the doctor said the more you worry the harder it is to get pregnant.”
“Just tell me Jimin, what will you do?” you asked, biting your lip.
“If it was meant to be, it will happen,” Jimin touched your cheek, kissing you gently. “It’s not like I’m planning to just up and leave you if we don’t have a baby the first time.”
Jimin’s eyes widened at the way you visibly relaxed body slumping into the seat.
“That’s what you were worried about? That I would leave you, the love of my life, and my family because I couldn’t have my own child? That I would leave all my other children whom I love dearly because the same genetics don’t run through our veins?” He looked upset and sighed “I’m not going anywhere”
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It was a fun few months where you and Jimin spent a few weeks together and made love and generally shared some romantic moments with one another. You were trying and enjoying yourselves - until the third negative result from the fertility clinic. Things then became stressful between you and being intimate was less about love and more like a chore for the two of you.
You pulled out the last ovulation tester from your handbag telling yourself that you would have to purchase some more. The two lines mocking you as if they were the two lines you wanted, but they weren’t. One day you would see them on the pregnancy stick and you would make Jimin happy.
“Jimin, it’s time,” you said looking at your phone.
“I don’t want to, can you do it?” he whined and you sighed the two of you finished everything quickly and you laid there and he left to shower. You didn’t want to but you felt like crying.
The days passed and it felt like you might have done it, your back and breasts were aching you just knew this had to be it. You were going to the clinic it was the day your period was supposed to arrive and when you got there, you felt like you needed to pee and as you wiped, you wept. Another failure, it was your period and you hadn’t fallen pregnant again. You walked out dragging Jimin not bothering with your appointment.
The two of you were silent on the way home/ “We can try again, it will happen.”
“And what if it doesn’t, Jimin?” you asked, “When do we decide to give up? When you leave because you are sick of me!”
“Why do you keep thinking I’m going to leave? Is this what you want, me to leave? I thought you had faith in me and trusted me and after everything, we have been through!” He hissed, “You think I’m some bad guy who will just leave?”
“You act like making a baby is a chore.” You frowned, “We don’t cuddle or kiss anymore, do you even love me?” 
The car pulled over and Jimin got out, handed you the keys, and looked you in the eye. “The fact that you have to question my feelings really shows me how you see me doesn’t it, love?” the endearment was full of spite. He turned and walked away. You were sobbing standing beside the car gripping the keys and crying. Climbing into the driver’s seat you sobbed with no regard to your surroundings. 
It was almost midnight when you returned home. Hearing Yoongi’s swears, grabbing his phone to call the others to say you had returned home. “The children are all in bed, what happened?”
“I want to be alone,” you said walking away from everyone. You sat on the floor of the shower crying to yourself.
Jimin didn’t call, he didn’t come home, no one knew where he was, so Namjoon made some calls and found he was in his family home. You laid in bed distraught, feeling absolutely disgusting. You stopped getting out of bed unless it was necessary; the boys started bringing you meals so you would get some food into your body.
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You couldn’t sleep deciding instead to call Jimin repeatedly only to receive his answering machine. You grabbed your coat and began heading to the front door when Jungkook stopped you. “You’re leaving, aren't you Yeobo, what about all of us? You can’t leave.”
“I don’t want you to leave, I want everything back to the way it was,” he sniffed engulfing you in a hug.
“I’m just bringing him home, Kook, I can’t live without him.” The tone of your voice was cold and empty - a testament to how you felt without Jimin. “I need to know he is okay.”
“Let me drive you, I don’t want you to get into an accident.”
“Please, I know you’re worried, but I need to do this myself. I promise you if at any point I am unfit to drive, I will pull over and call you.” You pleaded with Jungkook, “I made this mess and, I have to fix it”
“You call me the moment something feels off.”
“Yes sir,” pushing up onto your tippy toes to press a kiss to his lips, he wrapped you in his arms, squeezing tightly in hopes that nothing goes wrong. He always did have a tendency of worrying too much.
You took the van and began driving. It took six hours and you pulled into the yard watching the sunrise. You walked around the house to Jimin’s window. You knew his sleeping habits and even in winter, his window was open a crack for some fresh air. Lucky for you and the humid summer night, he had indeed slept with the window open fully, enough for you to slide into his room, removing your shoes and jacket, and tiptoeing to his bed. 
You placed the keys down on the table, sneaking into his bed, settling against him under the covers. He looked peaceful in the light of the early morning sun. You felt your heart sync with his, the only thing you could think about was him - it was like you were whole again.
“Jimin, I love you,” you whispered against his collarbone. The sense of relief so powerful you felt the tears rain, your fear and anxiety slowly expelling from your body. Jimin’s arms wrapped around you and you pressed your face deeper against his chest so as not to silence your cries.
“I love you too,” he breathed out, the sleep in his voice didn’t hide the clarity behind his words. “Jungkook called the home phone and told us you were coming. Don’t you dare drive alone at night for that long.”
“I had to, I can’t be away from you. I love you, and it hurts so much to not have you with me.” Your words shook with almost the same intensity as your body did against his.
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Jimin told you to sleep and prepared you breakfast - waking you slightly later “My love, you must be hungry. The boys told me you haven’t been eating, is that right?”
“I haven’t been hungry,” you hummed and he nodded, his eyes traveling over your figure.
After breakfast he pulled you to lay back in the bed and got you to sleep, telling you he had messaged the boys and would be home after the weekend alone together. When his parents left he was all over you - his lips promising to love you until the end of time and his hands to always hold you safe from harm.
He drove you home, stopping at a few places to get some souvenirs for the children to tell them how much you love them. You stopped at the gas station to relax and refuel, and you got a strange thought. You don’t know what came over you, but you went through the gas station store and pulled out an ovulation stick from your purse. 
It had been two weeks since Jimin left, two weeks since you had your dreams crushed by your period. It wasn’t even worth calling it a period; it was so short and barely there. But otherwise your phone was saying you would be ovulating soon. You took the test and saw two strong lines. You thought about telling Jimin, but you didn’t want the disappointment again.
You couldn’t just hide it. “Okay, I will just tell him and he can decide.” You nodded grabbing for the packet when you froze seeing the words pregnancy test, and a realization struck you. You had run out of ovulation tests weeks ago.
You were pregnant.
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salty-lesbians · 11 months ago
funny how women of all colours, time ages, and beliefs/religions can relate to eachother on the pains of womanhood yet transwomen only relate to eachother by being in elevated drag and wanting creepily in a biffaloo bill way to have a female body.
Literally! They pick groups of women they believe will 'relate' to them more and run with it. They believe black women and women with pcos/infertile women should relate to them more but no.
I have pcos and I have more in common with a black woman than I do a 'transbian', even if our lived experiences are different our sex connects us in a way that males won't ever understand. I would feel safer in a bathroom/change room full of black and/or infertile woman than I would with one single male.
Even gay men don't understand my experiences on the basis of sexuality as much as as other women do on the basis of sex.
I was taught different ways to avoid rape/kidnapping as a kid, walk in the middle of the street in dark, quiet roads. Yell fire, don't go anywhere alone, how to hide a weapon, always watch your drink, if it's been out of your sight then it's no longer yours. My dad would regularly tell me men were animals with only sex on the mind and that's all they'd ever want me for, essentially not to trust them.
I tried to hide my growing breasts as adults and students alike would comment on them, at 11 I was already a C cup and being asked why I didn't wear a bra, for some reason 'they're uncomfortable' wasn't good enough. Kids I never even really spoke to would talk to me just to ask why I wasn't wearing one. I didn't have friends in one school I went to because people believed I stuffed my shirt
I got my period at 10 at my friends house. I remember her mum setting up a little blackboard and teaching me what a period was, I thought it was exciting in all honesty. I quickly learnt from peers at school that it was something to be ashamed of or embarrassed by.
I had grown men hit on me more at 12 than I do now at 21, I was regualrly cat called but told that it wasn't offensive when it offended me, that it was just a compliment even though I didn't like it, in fact I hated it. I remember at 13 my friend telling a car full of men in their 20's to fuck off, we both kept looking over our shoulder for a while after that.
I had a kid in my year level who I thought was a friend ask me for nudes when I was 12 and I said no, he kept pressuring me and eventually after countless "no's" he gave up. It was humiliating. I felt so ashamed and disgusted by it, when I told my mum she told me that's just what boys do and not to worry about it, even when I said it made me upset she told me it nothing to be upset over. My best friend slammed him against a wall the next day and told him to never ask me something like that again or she'd kick his ass. (The same friend who screamed at the car of men)
I was bullied for not shaving, (only by boys mind you), some of who had more body hair than me. I didn't understand why my body hair was disgusting and made me a "gorilla" while theirs didn't, theirs wasn't even mentioned. I've been likened to a monkey countless times, jokingly a lot by my parents but the fact my brother isn't doesn't go unnoticed. I cannot shave consistently, even if I wanted to, as I often get infections. Instead of respecting my decision to not shave I'm given alternatives like laser hair removal.
I learnt after my first relationship that men, even your friends, didn't respect you like they respected eachother. A friend of mine dated my ex shortly after we broke up and he asked his friend if he was uncomfortable with it considering he had a crush on her. I didn't hear anything about it until they were already dating. I wasn't asked if I was alright with him talking about it until he'd been talking about it for a good 20 minutes. All in all not a horrible story but it showed me that his other friends comfort and feelings were evidently more important that mine due to the "bro code".
I had grown men talk to me online when I was 16, when I was severely depressed. One kept trying to sext me even after I told him it made me uncomfortable. I sent him a (sfw) selfie and he told me he 'loved the schoolgirl look' I was in school, it wasn't simply just 'a look' and he knew that. I had another man in my town get angry when I didn't want to go to his house alone 20 minutes after meeting him, he knew he was my only way home. I still think about what could have happened had I gone there.
I was well on my way to becoming a "sub" and getting involved in bdsm because of porn. It was so normalised to watch it that I didn't even realise that I was addicted, I didn't know you could get addicted! I believed I'd be some man's sub because that's what everyone's into right? At the time I thought I was bi and I believed to be with someome I had to either be a sub or dom and I couldn't be a 'dom' because I didn't like the idea of hurting someone, I didn't consider why it was ok for someone to like hurting me though. I would probably be in that kind of relationship had it not been for the radfem community and @radicallyaligned specifically bravely talking about her experiences. I was never really given the sex talk, I learnt everything from the internet which is so harmful for young girls.
I grew up interested in crime shows which means I grew up hearing about women being raped, trafficked and murdered. Even as a kid I understood they were targeted for being women, then I got older and I learnt about what the women before me endured and what the women worldwide continue to endure and I know they were and are targeted for their sex.
Those were my experiences but they're experiences I know many other women relate to, experiences I've been able to talk about with other women. This is how we're raised and taught to accept as normal. Trans women slap on she/her pronouns, some make up and a dress, they put on the chains we're forced to wear and think they understand any of that. It's quite frankly insulting.
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youarejesting · a year ago
Witching: 07
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Beta: @tinysweetscrown​, @lunarlxve​
Summary: After your brother goes missing, you find yourself in Seoul with nothing but a prosthetic limb as the only clue to what might have happened. Circumstances lead you to a coven of seven handsome young men. But they happen to be a well-known coven that go by the name ‘Bangtan Boys’. Can they be trusted? Where is your brother?
Pairing: BTS x Reader, OT7 x Reader, Monsta X coven
Genre: Supernatural, Mystery, Drama, Romance, Comedy, Action, and more. HONESTLY ALL THE GOOD STUFF.
Words: 1.5k
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“What do we do?” Jungkook turned to their coven leader, waiting for his orders. Namjoon looked at you, removing his glasses and observing your reaction. 
“He is not our brother, what do you want to do?”
“I want to save my brother before they kill them, and I want them dead” You growled standing up ready to leave immediately to locate these men.
“Easy their Jagiya, You don’t have any powers, and you have no idea how to find him.” Biting your lip, the weight of your options hanging over your head. On the one hand, you could use your powers and hopefully save your brother, and on the other, you might accidentally kill someone, like you almost killed your brother all those years ago.
“What have I done?” You dropped the book of Dark Spells and Curses, watching the flesh on Thackery’s leg turn black and creep up towards his torso. The healers took him away using spells to hold the magic at bay, and you cried in front of the magical council. 
“From what we can tell, you have dark magic, more specifically, Necromancy.” The members of the council and even your father looked at you nervously. It was all an unspoken fear.
“I am not telling you not to pursue your specialty magic, but it has the potential to  cause damage to others, and something could go wrong. I would never tell you not to, but the council and the villagers are all concerned” Your father spoke softly, his hand providing a comforting pressure on your shoulder as he sat beside you on the couch. This was the day everyone was supposed to find their mentors to help them with their specialty magic, but you didn’t have anyone in your coven to teach you.
“I need some air.” Taking the stairs up to the roof, where you saw a greenhouse, you sat on the bench, looking out at the stars littering the sky. You didn’t want to be evil or dark or a murderer. 
“You might want to move down a little, Dak is about to bite you” Jimin’s soft tone called to you; you turned to see a plant behind you, flower petals retracted to show a large set of teeth dripping a bio-luminescent venom.
“Why do you work with poisons?” You blurted out, trying to figure out exactly why someone so nice worked in such a dangerous field. He turned to you, his eyes pierced into your soul. Did he know why you asked? “Isn’t it dangerous?” 
“It definitely is, sweetheart” his answer caught you off guard, well maybe not the answer, but the delivery, the cheery smile. 
“What did your family say about it?” They must have been like your parents, wanting to keep him away from others, hiding you away so you can’t hurt anyone. 
“They approved, told me to be careful and start slowly.” Again his answer stunned you, ‘they got me about six different mentors so they could make sure I had a thorough understanding of the plants I worked with”
“Did you ever think you were a monster, did you ever hurt anyone?” Playing with your hands, you avoided his eyes; they seemed to look a little too deep into your soul. 
“Once or twice, I asked myself why my specialty was growing poisonous plants and not regular beautiful ones. And yes, I had injured a young girl one day without knowing she picked a flower I had grown, and she got sick, but the healers took care of her.” He laughed coldly, rubbing the back of his neck, “I was young, and I didn’t understand. Her family petitioned to have me kicked out of our coven, and so I left willingly and ended up joining Bangtan Boys. I was the final member to join.”
He smiled, letting the plant chew on his arm, you could see Jimin’s eyes glow a vibrant color that matched the venom of the plant. “Why do you ask? You aren’t scared of me, are you?”
“Of you? No.” You laughed, and he grinned, shuffling into the greenhouse, and you looked at your hands. “Of me? Yes.”
You were walking back down the stairs when you were met with the bright smile, red hair braids, and clatter of beads that was Hoseok. “You and I need to have tea.” He linked his arm with you walking you off to the kitchen and sitting you down in front of Butters, who was chewing on a ceramic dinner plate. 
“Alright, sit and drink.” He said, pouring the tea without moving his hands, busy shuffling a pile of tarot cards. “We are going to do a regular three-card read past, present, and future, is that okay?” 
His smile was innocent, but his eyes were loaded with questions. You nodded understanding he must be under orders to gather information for Namjoon. You couldn’t deny that you weren’t a little curious as to what your past, present, and future would look like. “Let’s start with your past.”
The Three of swords
Your brother watched you from the hallway trying to revive a flower only to watch it shrivel in your hands some more. “You don’t have to be someone you’re not.”
“Tell that to the whole coven who is afraid of me. To our parents who are afraid of me” You hissed at your brother “Because I hurt you, I almost killed you. You could have been one of the greats going down in history. You had so much potential and now—”
“I know this is going to be hard to hear, but I am not afraid, I’m not afraid of you or your magic. Isn’t that a twist.” He laughed, propping his good leg up on the corner of the desk. “You are my sister, and something unfortunate happened, but no one has the right to fear you or shun you if they haven’t been on the receiving end of your magic.” 
“Seriously with magic like yours, you could be a part of history,” he grinned, pulling off his prosthetic leg and waving it about in emphasis.  “and I can say that my leg was taken by the greatest necromancer the world has ever seen.”
“That would be great except Mum and Dad don’t let me out anymore,” the sigh that escaped you was one of exhaustion. “I am to stay in my room and practice my normal magic.”
“They did not use the term normal.” His mouth fell open.  “Oh, they did.” 
“Ah, The Three of Swords represents rejection, sadness, loneliness, heartbreak, betrayal, separation, and grief. Such events feel so painful because they are unexpected. It’s not a good card.” Hoseok eyed you frowning, and you nodded in understanding.
“That sounds accurate.”
The Devil
“I am going away for a while.” Your brother smiled strolling into your room with his uneven footfalls, it was comforting to hear him coming, but you knew others thought the sounds were ominous. “Have you been reading the books I got you?”
“I haven’t gotten around to reading them,” you lied reading your ‘Normal’ spells some more “Where are you going this time, I hope you aren’t trying to find me another mentor.”
“I am because you can’t just sit here y/n! You can’t spend your life in the attic hiding away from the world like some kind of mistake. There is nothing wrong with you.” He seemed out of breath from arguing and he sighed, walking out before stopping at the door. “I found a witch specializing in Dark Magic that I am going to ask to teach you, her name is Son Dam Bi, and she seems to be a lovely young lady who knows a fair bit about it.”
“The Devil represents some kind of negativity in your life. Perhaps you are ensnared in an addiction. Maybe you’re self-destructive.” Hoseok said, rattling off the meaning before his eyes met yours, searching deep into your soul, “Or perhaps you’re letting fear control you.”
You shivered and looked at the next card, suddenly worrying about your brother and what might happen to him. Hoseok’s long fingers waved above the card, flipping it. 
“Death is symbolic of the ending of a major phase of your life. It may be difficult to let go. If you resist these necessary endings, you may experience pain, both emotionally and physically.”
Your head filled with images of your brother suffering, just like he had that day. His voice screaming in your head as the curse you created ate away at his body. Speeding away from the table in distress, your heart racing. Running straight out of the apartment and out onto the street. There was a strange panting from beside you, looking over and down there was a golden retriever following alongside. 
You speed up faster and faster, your fear, anger, and anxiety overtaking your body. There was a dark smoke moving around your body. It engulfed you and Taehyung completely leaving you in total darkness.
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honeymoonjin · a year ago
Ms Sora, if you don’t mind me asking (and you definitely do NOT have to answer because it’s a little personal), how did you come out to your family and friends? It’s time for me to come out to my parents and I’m really worried about what they’ll say?
To be honest, I have a real helicopter mum and she pressured me a lot to tell her what was wrong (because of my upbringing and schooling, I was really devastated when I realised I was a lesbian at the time). So I told her and she basically told me I was wrong and wasn’t gay, she even took me to the only gay guy she knew because she wanted him to convince me that I wasn’t like him, she told me not to tell anyone until it ‘went away’, it was overall pretty messy.
But when I chose to tell my dad and sister, I asked them if we could talk, I sat them down and told them that over the past few months I’d realised I was gay. Beforehand I was really worried about my dad, but he was amazing then and he’s been amazing since. Really, he’s the only supportive person in my family, and I’m so grateful for him. 
Overall, unfortunately you’ll never know how someone will react until you tell them, but testing the waters and trying to find out if they’re tolerant before you come out is often a good idea. To this day, every time I come out to someone I physically shake because it feels like this terrifying leap of faith, but I always feel better once they know, because I know how poorly it affected me when I was closeted in high school, and I’ve chosen to always rip the bandaid off. 
But I wanna emphasise, if you EVER feel like your safety, shelter, or well being might be compromised if you come out, PLEASE do not do it. It’s awful that lgbtq+ folk would have to even consider it, but if you’re genuinely concerned your family will hurt you or kick you out, PLEASE put your own safety first. 
And one last thing I’d like to say, is that you may have to give your parents time. Think about how long it’s taken you to realise, come to terms with, or fully accept and love yourself for being gay/bi/trans/nb/etc. Not so much friends or extended relatives, but with parents specifically, they almost definitely have an idea in mind of what their kid will be like. My mum wanted me to meet a nice man, settle down, get married and have kids. So when I came out to her as a lesbian, all of a sudden that fictional vision of myself she had has to die in order for her to appreciate the reality and the real me. A lot of the times, parents who deny their kid in that sense are doing so because they don’t want to lose who they thought their child would grow up to be. At the end of the day, this is something that often gets better with time. So do be patient with them. Show them resources if you feel like they don’t understand you. But above all, prioritise your own well-being, health, safety, and happiness. 
Best of luck hon xxxx
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mea-laetitia · a year ago
Hii can I request Harry getting dating advice from James and Lily or/and Remus and Sirius? For dating Draco. Only if you like the prompt of course♥️ No pressure at all!
sorry this took some time to get out, but I hope you like it!
pairing: wolfstar, drarry, and jily
CW: mild language + the teensiest bit of suggestiveness. 
the giving of “advice”
Harry stood behind the door and listened to his family’s conversation, waiting for the perfect opportunity to enter the room. He didn’t know why he was so nervous to talk to them, after all he had already come out to them, there wasn’t really much else to hide from them. Other than his whopping feelings for someone his family only know as Harry’s ex enemy, Draco Malfoy.
That was the thing. Harry wasn’t sure if it was okay for him to talk about blokes now just because they knew he liked them. Was it taboo to ask for advice about boys? Surely not, since he knows for a fact that all his other friends go to their parents for advice about girls.
He was thankful for once that Remus wasn’t in there with him. Harry knew if he was there he would be able to sniff out almost instantly what his problem was. The man had always been great at reading between the lines, but for once Harry didn’t want him to say it for him. That was all well and good when it came to several other uncomfortable conversations he had had in the past, but this was different.
So before he could chicken out he pushed open the doors with a flourish, and stepped into the cosy living room. Three heads turned to him at once, and three smiles instantly bloomed on their faces. His mum and dad sat together, holding hands in an embarrassing display of affection, and across from them on the armchair sat his godfather Sirius.
“Harry m’boy!” James said warmly, shuffling over on the couch to make room for him.
“Hi.” Harry replied, his nerves making his voice shake slightly.
Well, now that he was here there was no point stewing in his nerves. He might as well just get straight to it.
He cleared his throat and crossed his legs, fiddling with a loose thread on the cushions. “Listen there’s something I wanted to talk to you guys about, if you don’t mind.”
“Of course we don’t.” His mother smiled reassuringly, and he felt slightly better.
He nodded, more to himself really, staring at his lap. “I need some advice.”
And before he could even begin to muster the courage to start his spiel Sirius was beaming like a mad-man and shouting something about how it was ‘finally happening’ and turning to Harry with somehow the most serious and yet relaxed expression and asking if he could get Remus because he was ‘oh so good at giving advice’ and Harry was nodding, bewildered, and they were all ignoring mutterings from James about ‘hijacking my son’s moment’ and then a confused looking Remus was summoned and sat down on the leg of Sirius’ armchair and it took a total of three minutes to get Sirius to calm down from excitement and finally the room went quiet again and the adults stared at Harry expectantly.
Harry let out an anxious breath.
“Well, as you all know I’m bi.” He started shakily, and Sirius opened his mouth to interject, no doubt excitedly, again, but Remus shook his head and he was silenced. “And well… you see the thing is…I…”
Oh Merlin he couldn’t even get it out. He was floundering big time and if he didn’t get it out soon it would be even more awkward.
But then his mother interjected, leaning forward to pat his leg. “You like someone don’t you?”
Harry flushed pink but nodded.
“Is it anyone we know?” James asked, and Harry nodded, feeling his nerves slowly dissipate.  
They were staring at him expectantly still. At this point it was only him who could say; there was no way they would guess it, even Remus would struggle.
“Before I tell you though you have to promise not to laugh, or say anything mean about him.”
They all nodded, though Remus was squinting at him suspiciously.
Perhaps Harry had underestimated his ability to pick up unspoken words. But it didn’t matter, because it was to be out in seconds anyway.
“It’s Draco.” He finally admitted, and felt the weight of this confession drop off his shoulders almost immediately.
“Malfoy.” He added last minute, in case they forgot the last name of his former enemy and now it seemed, crush. “I hope that’s okay.”
Remus was nodding like he expected it. “That makes sense, enemies to lovers and all.”
Sirius hit him lightly, but he was smiling like there was a shared joke between them. “Not everything’s a fucking romance novel Moony.”
“Language!” Lily scolded, though she didn’t seem to care. She turned to Harry. “And of course we don’t mind Harry, as long as you’re happy.”
Harry let out a sigh of relief, but his father still hadn’t said anything. He was staring into the fire thoughtfully.
Then he finally spoke. “I’m assuming the rivalry is completely over now then? Neither of you are bullying each other no more?”
Harry scoffed lightly. “We didn’t bully each other we were enemies, there’s a difference.”
But a knowing glance from his father said he knew otherwise. “You were certainly very cruel to one another, and just because you like the boy romantically now doesn’t change the past. I want to know that he’s definitely got the memo you aren’t rivals.”
At this Harry nodded eagerly. “Oh definitely, we haven’t argued in months. In fact, I might go as far as to say we’re sort of friends. Well…actually that’s what I wanted some advice about.”
“Fire away.” His father said, seemingly comfortable with his son’s word.
Harry nibbled his lip slightly. Now that the hard bit was out of the way he was able to focus on the actual matter at hand; why Draco had been acting so damn strange lately.
“Well the thing is…we’re kind of friends right now. But ever since I realized that I like him, er, like that, he’s kind of been jumpy around me, like he can’t meet my gaze anymore. I don’t know if maybe he knows I like him for some reason, or if he found out I like blokes and he hates me now. What if he likes blokes himself and he’s uncomfortable being around another bloke who does because he thinks I’ll try to...I don’t know, kiss him or something?”
At the end of this confession Harry was out of breath and both Remus and Sirius were laughing lightly, shooting each other yet another knowing glance, like they had another inside joke. But Harry didn’t see how that could be possible when they were only just learning about all this.
“What is it?” He asked accusingly, feeling his cheeks flush again.
Sirius stopped laughing and whacked Remus’ thigh again to get him to stop too. He grinned at Harry and leant back in his chair in utter nonchalance. “Harry. Harry, Harry, Harry my sweet sweet godchild. You are a fool, boy.”
Harry gaped indignantly. “What? No I’m not!”
Remus reached forward to ruffle his already unruly hair, laughing again. “Yes you are.”
“Listen Harry I know repressed gay when I see it.” Sirius said. “And Draco Malfoy positively REEKS of it.”
“It’s true.” Remus nodded solemnly. “Sirius here didn’t spend years pining over me to ignore the signs. Ow!”
Sirius whacked him again but to Harry’s surprise his face grew slightly red as well. “What can I say, I’m an expert.”
“So…you think Draco’s gay too?” Harry gulped nervously, as if their answer would be the ultimate confirmation.
Remus shook his head. “Not only is he into boys Harry, but he’s very clearly into you.”
And Harry didn’t know what to say to this. He stared around the room at the adults who all seemed to agree with Remus. They were amused, though not taunting him. His mother smiled at him softly. “Harry it seems you’re almost as oblivious as your father was.”
“Excuse me?” James intervened, looking down at his wife with a feigned expression of indignance.
Lily rolled her eyes. “For so many years absolutely positive I would agree to go out with you you were a little too blind to my advances when I finally started tolerating you.”
“Only because I was shocked a woman of your caliber could actually like me.”
“ANYWAY can we please get back to my own love life please.” Harry grimaced as his parents shared a kiss.
“God, yes please.” Sirius faked a gag, and dodged a pillow thrown at him by James.
“Yes, it’s a little to heterosexual in here for my liking.” Remus commented, and then proceeded to snog the living shit out of Sirius, falling off the arm of the chair and into his husband’s lap.
Harry groaned and shoved his face into the couch, blocking out the blatant PDA that surrounded him. “STOP IT OH MY GOD!”
The couples begrudgingly detached themselves, chuckling lightly and Harry felt James pat his back. “‘Safe to come out now son.”
Harry groaned at the inadvertent gay joke and turned back around, grimacing at their amused gazes. “Starting to wish I never asked for advice in the first place.” He grumbled.
“Don’t be silly Harry, we’re only teasing.” Remus smiled.
“Alright you want advice? Here you go:” Sirius leaned forward, capturing his godson’s attention. “When you’re back from Christmas break, go up to Draco…and then fuc-“
“NO!” Remus and Lily shouted, and Lily shot a dark glare at Sirius.
“Here’s some real advice.” James started. “Just approach him when you go back, and tell him how you feel. Seriously. It’s not as daunting as it seems. I only told you mother I was in love with her about ten times week. And worst case scenario he doesn’t like you…if you persist he surely will soon.”
“He speaks from experience.” Lily said fondly.
“And if that doesn’t work my plan works too.” Sirius added.
“Worked on me.” Remus muttered and Sirius whacked him for what felt like the hundredth time that night.
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chuffyfan87 · a year ago
Growing Pains. Part 11b (NSFW)
"That's good to know. Because it's not a problem."
“If she’s gay, she’s gay.” Lottie shrugged.
"Exactly. So do you have any more questions of a personal nature to ask?" Duffy smiled.
"I'm glad that you feel able to talk to me about these things."
“About boys and stuff?”
"About anything that's worrying you. I know you're growing up but I want you to know that you can always talk to me if you need to."
“I know mum, thanks.”
"Now can I ask you a question?"
"Where are you going with those biscuits I just saw you sneak into your pocket?" Duffy giggled.
“Upstairs to Tilly.” Lottie giggled.
"You know you're not supposed to eat in your bedroom." Duffy replied shaking her head fondly at the teenager.
“I know, but Tilly won’t move her arse to come down.”
"Leave that to me." Duffy giggled. She walked into the hallway and leant around the bottom of the stairs. "Matilda Fairhead get yourself down here now!" She yelled, shooting Lottie a wink.
Tilly groaned and got up off the bed and wandered to the top of the stairs, ”I ain’t done nothing!”
"I'd like a word with you Tilly."
Tilly pouted and came downstairs, “Yes mum?”
"Eat your biscuits downstairs and don't annoy your sister OK?"
Tilly shrugged, “That friend of hers has got a proper attitude.”
"How about we all sit down together and have a chat?" Duffy suggested.
Tilly shrugged.
Duffy called Emily and Beth to come downstairs to join herself and the twins to have a drink and some biscuits. Duffy decided to seize the chance whilst Charlie was at the park with the younger boys and Jake and Krystal were in town.
Beth and Tilly exchanged looks over the table.
"I thought it would be nice for us girls to all get to know each other." Duffy smiled encouragingly.
Emily nodded, “OK.”
"Who wants to start?"
“I will.” Said Lottie quietly.
"OK Lottiepop." Duffy smiled.
There was a silence for a minute, “What shall I say?” Lottie asked with a giggle.
"Anything, what would you like to tell Beth about yourself?"
Lottie shrugged, “I’m Tilly’s twin but I’m not childish.”
Duffy sighed and rubbed the skin between her eyebrows. This might be trickier than she thought.
“Tilly and I are different, even though we look the same. I’m quieter, she’s-“ Lottie pointed to Tilly, “gob on legs.”
"Oi!" Tilly retorted.
“I’m just saying.”
"How do you put up with this every day?" Beth asked Emily as she watched the twins squabble.
“You get used to it.” Emily replied with a giggle.
"It must be quite a difference for you compared to home." Duffy smiled at Beth.
“It’s heck of a lot noisy.” Beth replied with a smile.
"So what are your favourite things to do Beth?" Duffy asked, shooting the twins a look to pack it in.
“I like to draw,” Beth replied, “And play netball.”
"Oh I was terrible at netball at school." Duffy chuckled.
“I like football too.”
"Peter and Jake play football." Tilly remarked.
“Do they? Maybe we can all have a kick around one day.”
"Yeh, I'm sure they'd both enjoy that." Duffy smiled.
Tilly was fidgeting in her chair, a clear sign that there was something she wanted to ask.
Duffy looked at her daughter and smiled, “Go on Tilly. I’m sure you’re dying to ask something.”
"Nuh uh, Beth yelled at me last time!" Tilly pouted.
“You’re fidgeting.” Duffy pointed out.
"Only if she promises not to yell."
“Fine. I promise.”
"Are yous twos lesbos?" Tilly asked.
Duffy put her head in her hands. "I taught you better English than that!" She sighed.
Emily sighed, “I think so. I dunno. I like boys too.”
"See! I told ya!" Lottie crowed at Tilly.
Tilly shrugged, “So you’re bi-something?”
"Bisexual is the word you're looking for Tilly." Duffy explained.
“That’s it! Bisexual!” Lottie giggled, “We learnt about that in sex ed.”
"I'm glad to hear you've been listening in those lessons." Duffy smiled.
“Tilly don’t pay attention. She’s too busy drooling over Tommy’s dick.” Lottie laughed loudly. “She wishes anyway!”
"Lottie!" Tilly sulked. "At least he don't have a tiny knob like Lewis does!" She shot back.
“Shut up!” They began to bicker again.
"Girls!" Duffy sighed. She turned to Beth. "They talk a good talk but most of it is nonsense. At least I hope it is." She grimaced.
"You ok?" Duffy asked Emily, reaching across the table to squeeze her daughter's hand.
Emily nodded, “Yes mama.”
"Have you spoken to your older brothers about all this? Coz I don't think the twins will keep their mouths shut for long..."
“Not yet. I don’t really know what to say. Does dad know I’m... you know?”
"Yes he does. Maybe talk to them one at a time? I think Peter has some news of his own for you all too."
Emily frowned softly, “He does?”
"Sarah's knocked up!" Tilly blurted out.
“What’s that got to do with us?” Emily asked, “Sarah and Peter haven’t been together for years.”
"Its Peter's!" Lottie added before Duffy had chance to stop her.
"That can't be right. Jake said that Sarah is dating Zeke's big brother AJ..." Emily replied, her brows knitted in confusion.
“It seems she’s been having sex with both.” Lottie replied.
“Then how can she know who’s the dad?” Emily asked, her brows still knitted in confusion.
"I'm not sure this is an appropriate conversation..." Duffy interrupted, shocked as she hadn't been aware of that detail.
"Sex with two blokes at the same time... That's a bit of a slaggy thing to do..." Tilly mused, not considering how her comment could be construed.
“Tilly! Shut up!” Emily snapped, “You have no idea, do you?! She’s not a slag for having sex with two men! It happens sometimes. A man can sleep with as many women as he wants and he’s not called a slag, is he?!”
"Sez the lesbian!" Tilly fired back.
Lottie couldn't help noticing that their mum had gone awful quiet and pale.
Emily stood up, “Words hurt Tilly! You should be careful what you say and how it can be construed to people around the table!”
"What the hell you on about?" Tilly asked, genuinely baffled.
“You really don’t know, do you?”
"Know what?" Tilly asked, looking at Lottie who just shrugged in return, equally in the dark.
Duffy got up and walked out the room. She couldn't listen any more.
“Mum and dad were married to other people, they had... an affair.” Emily said quietly, “So does that make mum a slag?!”
"Nah, they broke up, got married to other people and then got back together after they split up with those people... Right?!" Tilly replied, her voice getting increasingly uncertain.
“No they didn’t.”
"How do you know?!" Lottie demanded.
Beth slipped out of the room to follow Duffy whilst Emily dealt with her sisters.
“You alright?” Beth asked as she sat next to Duffy.
“I asked mum, once. Cos of things Louis was saying.” Emily admitted.
"I'm fine." Duffy replied reflexively from where she sat on the bottom of the stairs.
"Louis chats shit." Tilly shrugged.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah but this time he weren’t!!”
"My own daughter thinks I'm a slag - yeh I'm just great!"
"What did he say?"
“Tilly doesn’t mean that,” Beth reassured.
“That mum and dad were seeing each other behind his mum’s back!”
"She's right though." Duffy sighed.
"Fuck!" Lottie gasped. "It all makes sense now..!"
“No, she isn’t.”
Duffy didn't speak for a few moments as she stared at the floor. "You must be wondering what the hell kinda family you've gotten yourself involved with..."
“No, not at all. I know life isn’t always easy or simple.”
"That was not what I was expecting to happen when I invited everyone downstairs."
“I know.” Beth smiled sadly.
"I'm sorry the girls were rude to you. They should know better than that so I'll be having words with them."
“They weren’t. They’re just outspoken.” Beth smiled, “Curious.”
"That's one word for it!" Duffy snorted.
“They don’t mean any harm. They just don’t always think.”
"No they don't." Duffy pushed herself to her feet. "I best go make sure they haven't all killed each other." "
When Duffy returned to the kitchen, all three girls were quiet.
"Dare I ask..?" Duffy began.
“You and dad had an affair?” Lottie asked.
“I shouldn’t have said what I said. Sorry mama.” Tilly looked up at her mum.
"Its ok. I know you didn't mean it the way it came out. You just need to think before you speak in future Tots."
Tilly nodded, “I’ll try harder.” She got up and hugged her mum tightly.
"Trying is all you can do." Duffy smiled.
Lottie and Emily both ended up hugging their mum.
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