#so I have an appointment for Monday and that will have to do

[crescentfool]

a compilation of sillie notebook doodles... i think drawing without giving a shit is very refreshing...

#persona 3 #minato arisato #ryoji mochizuki #splatoon #minatoast #ghost trick is also there and so is a sth crossover also vintage coroika ALSO PIKACHU!!! #lizzy does art #posting for archival purposes bc sometimes i dump tradi doodles on my instagram story for shits and giggles... and i thought- #that people here might want to see them even if they kinda bad #happy mochizuki monday??? there's ryoji here FKDLHFDH #maybe i might make “cleaner” versions of the stuff drawn here but there is smthn very endearing about drwaing as fast as u can. #even if its sillie. i only started doing these bc i had a very long wait time for an appointment and i was like #well i have a pen and also a brain SOO #turns out its very fun!!!! highly recommend. even if u think it look like shite art is always worth creating bc ur doing it me thinks #this is how ive been staying sane. even though it is not 'complete' who cares? i laughed. i cried. thats beauty of creation

[dreamlogic]

#chronic blogging #current emotion #post-hysto pain has been getting steadily worse over the last month & is now accompanied by near constant nausea #can't even do my PT stretches anymore bc of how bad it hurts #so on monday i finally had a FUCK IT IT'S TANTRUM TIME #and checked myself into urgent care for severe abdominal pains #which finally fucking FINALLY resulted in a referral for a second opinion from a different gyno surgeon #who i hope will finally run the ultrasound & CT scan i've been begging other healthcare providers for for months #THERE IS SOMETHING EXTREMELY WRONG WITH MY BODY AND NOBODY IS LISTENING TO ME AND I'M FED UP WITH PRETENDING #THAT EVERYTHING IS WITHIN NORMAL PARAMETERS AND I JUST NEED TO BE PATIENT FOR HEALING & PRACTICE SELF CARE #watching the urgent care PA's face journey as i explained my symptoms how long i've had them & how apathetic my surgeon's response has been #was so incredibly vindicating & cathartic. she gave me a tactful 'i don't necessarily agree with that assessment......' #told me i have already been doing everything she would've recommended & we're long overdue for a second opinion since it isn't helping #and gave me her blessing to go pitch a fit in the ER if my symptoms get any worse before my appointment with the new surgeon #i'm EXHAUSTED and i'm SCARED and it's ABOUT GODDAMN TIME someone in medicine listened to me & took me seriously #been hovering in the 4-7 range on this chart for a disgusting amount of time. now i'm locked in at 8+ and not backing down

[iero]

In other, good news (For once for me!) my mom and her boyfriend finally agreed to let me carpool with them when we all leave Pittsburgh on Tuesday morning. The bad news is I have to figure out a way that I'm getting to Pittsburgh now last minute because I'll be there longer then them.

#personal #Like I'm coming in on Saturday and they're only coming in on Monday afternoon for a hockey game and then leaving the next morning. #And if I didn't have a tattoo appointment on Monday AND already paid the hotel in full for all my days? #I would have considered just doing the one day myself. #So now I'm sitting here weighing my options. I can either fly in or take the train in... Both have their positives and negatives. #I fucking LOVE taking the train but I don't like the fact that it only puts me in Pitt at like 8 PM at night. #But if I fly in it puts me in Pitt at like 11 in the morning and I would have to find a way to kill 5-6 hours until my hotel check-in. #<- Not to mention I'm like super scared of flying still and it's supposed to be windy here on Saturday. #Which I'm assuming isn't good for planes. #I was just considering making a driving playlist this morning because I thought I was driving the 8 hours total there and back. #Not ANYMORE! Even though I did agree to get behind the wheel for a little bit on the trek back #<- Doubt I will have to though because my mom's boyfriend is like the 'big man' and will NOT let me drive his car.

[risingsunresistance]

yknow i meant to say "fursona" in that last post and not "furries" but im keeping it. some guys do just have furries. that might not be their sona it's just some fucked up creature they made. you can never be too sure

#people get the point it doesnt matter kjghfg #i was in a rush typing that i had to post it before i forgot it but im also in the middle of Tasks #aaaaaugh why do i work tomorrow i wanna finish the thing im doing... and diana is mayor too this is so sad i wont get to play for very long #bc i work tomorrow and then im going somewhere saturday #i get sunday to play. and then i have a dentist appointment monday D: #if it's like last time im gonna be so stressed out i'll just go to bed when it's done :( #oh well i guess... #chat

[opens-up-4-nobody]

Fuck u I shouldn't have to work on weekends vs Jesus christ I have so much to do. Fight.

#i did fuck all this weekend so its gonna hurt monday when i have to start scrambling #ive gotta do extractions and make media and back up cultures and work on my preproposal #and do 3 assignments rip. ugh im so tried. ill just work on things tomorrow #i have an appointment tomorrow to get accommodations for my learning disability tomorrow and idk what thatll b like #ive sorta got a chip on my shoulder abt using accommodations so im afraid ill come off as rude #but idk itll make me freak out less if i get etra time on exams. i never stay after tho basically i wont use any #so whats the point but everyone is telling me to do it so i am #my mom calls the way i read a lil ADD bc i cant pay attention long enough to make the words make sense bc i get distracted by my thoughts #its real annoying 😒 #how to cure that? stop reading. problem solved 😌 #unrelated

[teamlighthouse]

I don't want a commited relationship. But I guess I would like a flatmate and we both have our own rooms and sometimes don't see each other for weeks and sometimes we eat dinner together and go on platonic dates together and when you can bring a plus one somewhere (like on events for work or family gatherings) we go with each other but it's all platonically and nice.

#how do i get this?? #and the important thing is that we dont spent every minute with each other #like #my so has an appointment every monday so its okay that i also have an application every Monday? #no #i wanna choose my time not depending on someone else!

[chewablepebbles]

No matter what the tests say on Monday I'm going to be fine. I'm going to be so kick ass. I just need to know. I feel like I'm going to throw up.

#it took literally forever to get a copy of my orders from my drs office #i swear to god that the girls they have on the phone dont exist because they literally only do something 1/15 of the time #i hope its a simple fix. maybe not easy or short. but simple. #i couldn't fucking type Karen on the checkout system at work on Wednesday. it literally took me a minute and a half. #i think monday people couldn't understand me because my words werent in the right order but i wasnt recognizing it #im just so happy/nervous to finally have an appointment. #shout out to my bonus mom who is literally the only reason i can get this done. love you so much mama kellie #god. guess we just have to wait now.

[daz4i]

at the risk of sounding like the "JUST LIKE BIDEO GAME" meme. i did just figure out a great analogy for how i feel abt most health tips

it's really really really really really hard to do things. to the point it feels impossible. and most people would just say "hard is not impossible! that means there's still a chance!" but like. you know how in some games you can speed to the final boss from the start, or start a certain section of them when you're underleveled and have no gear? it's like. technically, you can do it. it's not impossible to do these battles. look how many people finished the game and did it already! yes, they were a higher level, yes, they had all the right gear or they looked up some guides on the perfect build to beat them, but they did it! that means you can too! you being underleveled makes it harder, but it's not impossible!

like. do you see where I'm getting at here. certain disabilities and mental illnesses make it so you're permanently underleveled. and you can't level up. at most you can find some gear (meds, mobility aids, painkillers etc) or party members (loved ones) who can help you, but you can't do much damage yourself, and one hit will make you go down. some people can do it. some people like you can still pull off some perfect combo and beat the boss. but most people, in this state, can't.

and like. you can go do the easier parts, ofc. you can do low level missions and beat low level areas. but you can't level up, so you can't proceed (best way i can put it is. these areas simply don't give enough xp for that. your game has this weird glitch that only goes away after you pass a certain part of the game - that's a way higher level than you are - so just make sure to get through it and you'll be fine!). or maybe you have the perfect build and gear to beat some high level bosses you run into, but none of the others. like. you bought the game and you can play it. you just can't really do much in it and it all becomes very repetitive at some point. every time you try to step out of those missions you're used to, you get decimated, and eventually it just starts being honestly scary to try.

I'm mostly talking about my depression here, tbh. i think the most despair inducing part of it is seeing how some people still manage to proceed, pass that glitched out area, and are able to level up and even finish the game, while you still can't bc you, fuck i dunno, don't have fast enough reflexes to pull off some perfect combo you need to get through it. you go online and see how people keep praising the game and how fun it is but you literally can't see it

and this analogy applies to p much every single task, every single thing you need to do in order to get better. technically, it's possible, but it's so hard it might as well not be. and most people see it as super basic, super easy, even other people who were in your situation don't seem to remember how hard it was now that they're past it, because managing to do it somehow shattered that feeling of impossibleness they may have had (and tbf, they probably had to be very persistent and try time and time again. and. i really don't have that quality in me tbh)

idk it's probably very silly. if you read it then thanks, hope i didn't put you off with that lol. if you relate (not just about depression, but anything that can be disabling you may have going on) then I'm glad you can feel seen by this and also I'm sorry you're going through this 🙏 if you don't relate then I'm happy for you 🫡

#long post #i dunno. had some thoughts. i think this is why i always get genuinely upset when i run into these tips #it's like a loading screen tip saying ''consider being good at the game'' aight cheers mate i haven't thought of that #''consider keep playing the game even though you're not having fun at all and would rather do anything but this'' #''it'll be worth it bro the ending is so good'' why can't i just play a different game with a different good ending. #ok my analogy is getting flimsy rn. anyway these are my 2 cents. i am very sad #(i have the um. appointment? for the program that helps you with recovery. this monday) #(can you tell i am very stressed lol. can you tell i would rather be dead 😃)

[seariii]

The weird mix of being stressed out, happy and exhausted... Gonna have to organize once more to get all of this sorted

#the event was scheduled for tomorrow and friday.... shit i was gonna do something on friday ill have to #set up the date for monday... and i just noticed an email i tried to send didnt go through and had to re send it #so i lost time in that.... #okay look seari. i know this is good but worst case scenario is that it doesn't happen because of the paperwork #and if that happens look you already started it and will be helpful for something else okay? for now lets focus on tje matters at hand #drink water because its almost 1pm and you hadnt drink any- oh shit- rest because we really need to recover our energy #and lets think and see what we are missing for the stressful stuff #... sigh... after friday we will know my fate... #seari talks #i forgot to schedule the appointment for today... that's okay we still have time... i think... i feel my stomach turning upside down wheb #thinking about the times and how a lot of stuff is out of my control... sigh.... anxiety be damned hahaaha it's okay... lets ACTUALLY rest #because you said you'd take a nao and instead started to do something else #alr alr mimir or rest time

[winderlylandchime]

I spent this morning in bed (I work afternoons and evenings) drinking coffee and talking at my spouse about writing and fic and writing fic.

Then they went to the supermarket while I was working and returned with a enormous bag of gummy bears, which are my favorite writing snack.

They said they haven’t seen me this excited to discuss something in a long time.

#also i don’t work fridays and all my thursday appointments canceled and it’s memorial day on monday #so i have a 5 day weekend #which means i conceivably have time to do social things and write #and eat an entire bag of gummy bears

[lyxchen]

Gotta love when your friend cancles your meeting that you planned a while ago because she had an appointment at the nail salon :)

#i LOVE that Really :| #(not) #like i'm really trying to be understanding #and not pissed at her because it's fine i don't need to make a big deal about this #cause the thing is we were supposed to meet and have a sleepover from today to tomorrow #but she thought it was from yesterday to today #and we realized it early enough on monday #and i told her that i can't do from tuesday to wednesday because i have work on wednesday morning (today) and i don't want to have to get up #at like 6:30 am at her house just because i have work #and she said from today to tomorrow is okay too she just had to move another thing she was doing #(which is totally okay for me) #but then she said it wasn't gonna work so maybe we could just meet up for the day without the sleepover #which is sad but it's still fun #and then she said that actually she can't meet up because she has an appointment at the nail salon today #so we didn't meet up today #and like it's fine but also it's not #cause really?? #nail salon? #also this is just extra sad for me too because we were gonna do the sleepover with one of her other friends who i met at her birthday party #and who i really like and so i was really excited to also see that girl again #and now i won't :( #and i'm too scared to just ask her to meet up because like i've met her Once #anyways #this kinda reminds me of the time i was trying to meet up with my best friend and she canceled on me last minute three times in a row #which to be fair wasn't her fault at all that was her mother's fault but still #soo yeah #lea's random thoughts

[risingsunresistance]

i barely got to play today but i'm already 35% of the way to hotm 8 yayyyyy

almost got 100 commissions done :V

#if i didnt have to go to work i would be hotm 8 by now for sure. sad 😔 #i work tomorrow too AND i have a dentist appointment. but im off till at least sunday after that >:) #havent gotten next week's schedule yet i hope im off monday too just so i can play for 5 days straight KJHFDG #slash jay... i do other things too im sure i'll be at someone's house this weekend #and if it would stop raining or freezing for 5 seconds i'd love to go outside #chat #sb

[onrainynights]

have to call the doctor's office to cancel my appointment but I don't wanna

#have to cancel bc my insurance won't cover it and I'm broke. mainly I'm just like. how the fuck am I gonna get more of my meds #bc I was supposed to get a new prescription at my appointment monday #but I have to cancel so. what am I gonna do I can't work without them

[someotherdog]

Y’all why did someone steal my lunch out of the employee fridge at work today after stealing my pop yesterday and the day before? Is it not enough that I have five separate kids birthday parties in the pool that have cleaned me out of towels and I found a spider in my car this morning that subsequently disappeared after I saw it?

#an american werewolf in traffic ( ooc. ) #i have…. Suffered today. I don’t even smoke or vape bc honestly I just can’t inhale right lol but boy do I want a cigarette tonight!!! #anyway I work tomorrow but I have Monday and Tuesday off (tho I have appointments on both days! Sob sob) so replies will come soon :)

[audiovisualrecall]

Also I don't expect the parentals to focus on me at all today but I am used to one of them calling a good morning up the stairs if I'm home. But it's 10am and nothing yet despite them being awake. Oh well up go down soon and say good morning to them instead

#i wanted to bake today but that seems unfair bc dad cant have any of it but will smell it #so maybe I'll do it tomorrow #also i forgot the dentist isnt open on weekends and didnt confirm or cancel my monday appointment when i should have on friday oops #so i guess i have to leave a nessage today either way #i dont Want to go tomorrow not least bc i have to get myself there and back #and idk if i want to do any dental work when i can only chew on the left side still bc i dont have a last tooth on the right side #abd I'm afraid that the two wisdom teeth on the left side have to go and idr which 2 teeth he already identified as needing work done as wel #I'm like its complicated!!! i cant verbalize my concern/issue/???

[liebelesbe]

ok i have to think about this rationally & stop panicking so I can finally sleep. gonna talk to myself in the tags for a bit.

#ok so. no more 'but what if I'm faking it'. If I feel bad I Feel Bad. and I Feel Bad. #doesn't matter what my mom thinks or whatever I Feel Bad and definitely not good enough to ride a train for a few hours on sunday #and then go to school every day next week for multiple hours on a row. and walk to and from school. absolutely not. #I will simply have to call the doctor again and maybe show up for an appointment and we'll see what he says. #maybe I can convince him I actually don't feel good. I'll have to do that bc I don't have another choice ig. #who cares what the ppl at work think if maybe in 2 weeks I still don't feel good enough to come back. #I can't come to work if I feel bad. I couldn't fucking do anything there if standing up for a bit makes me dizzy!! #and if it takes multiple months or whatever. Then that's how it is. I can't be the first apprentice ever to get sick. There must be rules #and stuff for when this happens. I'll figure it out. Gonna take it one step at a time. #And the first step is to not go to school next week bc just the thought of it is making me sob uncontrollably. #good. i think that was everything i was worrying about. just hope my mom will be ok with me not going to school. #and I just have to be brave and call the doctor again on monday and send more emails and stuff. #but I have done it before I can do it again. #doddie redet #ok NOW good night. 🌃 #is having trouble sleeping a symptom as well bc I've been having trouble sleeping since the beginning of this week...