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#so I guess its worth a try anyway
curioscurio · 4 months
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crying a lot more lately.
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soldier-poet-king · 7 months
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Actually let's be honest in addition to all my usual bullshit this is just astarion making me reckon with the fact that I don't know how to be A Real Person, how to relate and be close to people except to be helpful and accomodating, how to say no and not be a compulsive people pleaser out of fear of the repercussions and uncertainty if one is not placating at all times
Like yeah it's for different underlying reasons and I obvs make no claim to the specifics or the severity of that kind of situation & trauma but also. Like. I Get It, I'm not a Real Person either
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toytulini · 7 months
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god i really went THREE FUCKING YRS without getting sick i was being so goddamn careful but then my parents got smth and foolish me, didnt step up the level of precaution i was taking around them, and lo and behold, im almost definitely sick
#toy txt post#grumping#AS SOON AS I HAVE TO GO BACK TO WORK AND DONT HAVE ANYMORE DAYS OFF TOO. GOD. I GUESS ILL FUCKING ASK TOMORROW#IF THEY WANT ME THERE OR NOT. obviously i will be wearing a mask. just. augh#the annoying part is i WAS taking precautions around my parents. wearing a mask around them. etc.#but foolish me let my door be open cos the room is a little warm. so their air conditioner just blasted all their Sick Air right into my#fucking bedroom ig. i have a hepa filter running all the time but it wasnt enough ig#and like. you know. at night when they were in bed id dare to be unmasked outside my room. my mistake ig#i ate food they made. i was wearing a mask around them but not the best mask i couldve cos that one does hurt my nose after awhile#i was wearing a mask around them but i wasnt likiting contact as much as i shouldve. they kept opening my door and coming into my room#before id gotten up so i couldnt get a mask on in time. etc. see. all on me i shouldve known better/s#idk. just. frustrated. i try to take my silly little precautions in a way that not fucking obtrusive to them#cos god forbid. god forbid i ask them to like. idk. wear a mask if theyre going to come in my room while Actively Sick.#or like. not be All Over The House Coughing. idk. fucking whatever. im the unreasonable one i know. my symptoms are not currently that bad#dont know if its covid#doesnt feel worth bothering to do a rapid test cos i keep hearing theyre not picking up new strains anyway and who fucking knows#idk!#i should try to get a little more sleep ig#feels like ill be okay im just fucking. mad
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kingdomoftyto · 1 month
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"Carlos, if you could just pause your experiment for a second--if you could only hear me out, hear my hypothesis! I think once you understand the science of the situation, you--" Carlos opened the door. He was crying. She had never seen him cry. He was overwhelmed and unsure of how to express his emotions, since he usually only did so in carefully worded sentences, not with water from his body. "The science of the situation?" he snarled. "That Otherworld. I was trapped there, Nilanjana. I couldn't see Cecil for ten lonely years. I was kept away from the people I love, in that desolate place where you never get hungry and you never have to drink water and so you never live. It is a place that devours. It is a place that is empty. That is the science of the situation, and I study it so I can fix it. Only I can do that. Only these experiments can do that. I'm sorry, Nilanjana; I'm not going to stop so you can tell me what science is."
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#Tyto listens to WtNV#spoiler warning I guess for a book that came out a few years ago now#anyway yeah hi I finished the book#the resolutions to the plot and to Nils' character arc were pretty good. nothing to write home about but fun and serviceable#I personally get annoyed whenever a story pulls a ''you thought this romance would end with these two TOGETHER? lol NOPE''#like we get it it's more realistic for whirlwind romances to end in a breakup and sometimes it's better for people to just stay friends#but firstly this isn't real life; it's fiction. with narrative devices and such.#and secondly WtNV of all media does NOT get to preach about realistic relationship trajectories when its lead fell in love at first sight#lmao I'm just saying. I'm not MAD about it or anything it just made me roll my eyes.#ANYWAY. that aside: it was good. and I do genuinely like the friendship Nilanjana builds up with Darrell at the end#but obviously the real star of the show was Carlos and the completely unprecedented character depth that they smothered him in.#not ONLY recontextualizing over a year's worth of the podcast but ALSO saddling him with LAYERS of guilt over the events in this book#he *KILLED* the *GODDAMN* *CENTIPEDE*#after his beautiful little speech about not killing things just because we don't understand them!#he was just SO traumatized by his time in the Otherworld and SO afraid for his family after Janice nearly got Got that he KILLED IT!!!#and THEN!!!! not only do they find out that the centipede wasn't responsible for the destruction!!#but it turns out it was HIS OWN MACHINE THE WHOLE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#his attempts to keep everyone safe were what actually caused the danger!!!! AUGH HE WAS ONLY TRYING TO HELP#HE'S JUST SCARED AND HE WANTS EVERYONE TO BE SAFE AND NOT EXPERIENCE THE SAME HORRORS HE DID AUGHDUSHGHDH#...anyway yeah back to my regularly scheduled episode listening tomorrow
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todayisafridaynight · 11 months
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and sometimes i DO think about arakawa saying to ichi "I'm sorry to burden you with Masato's care"
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minarcana · 1 year
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#ok guess what fuckers youre going to be on another tag ramble adventure with me#ive been afflicted with the same images in my brain tumbling around and the only way to free my brain is to write them out#and anyways i have been contemplating wol au uri for a bit due to various reasons (he came up and then i got this image and couldnt be free#shb with uri as the wol is. after killing vauthry. he is SO fucked up that raha STILL wont just let him die#he was supposed to have raha send him to the rift with the light and let him die there but now that he cant stop him rahas taking it himsel#and theres the whole. 'no we really cannot have the wol die.' thing.#that makes it infinitely worse to uri. him just yelling through blood to let him die! let him have his turn! he WANTS to die!#the idea of bring told that the wol CANT die makes it so much more unfair to him#'you wouldnt know what to do if i died? i didnt know what to do for years after louisoux died! i still dont know what to do without moenbry#da! papalymo can sacrifice himself and everyone adapts! shtola has thrown herself to the lifestream twice! minfilia died! i had to stay sil#ent and let ryne choose her own path if she died or not! i cant tell people that i would be lost yet everyone gets to tell ME that?#do you think i am better than them do you think them worth less why do they have the right to die and i do not!'#he is SO SO SO much worse as a wol and it falls out in one outburst after hes quizzed as to why he thought he could sacrifice himself#but he also realizes that its really fucked up to say that aloud so yknow. yknow what. yknow.#hell bottle up all his feelings and then one day hell either die or start crying and it looks like he aint allowed to die!#he still takes the aid from ardbert at amaurot with the statement that#'if i dont try and save who i might then ill never be able to face moenbryda'#anyways cannot stop thinking about me giving uri the echo like 'this will be funny!' and hes just 'my life has become infinitely worse'#HEAD IN MY HANDS
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the-kipsabian · 6 months
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if i reblog a few pieces of writing will someone promise to care about any of it?
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harvestar · 10 months
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My god. were that I did not feel dizzy and I felt comfortable going on a night drive
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shopcat · 1 year
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not to #lower the mood but i think generally for myself at least it is not a linear path of being suicidal -> wanting to live and you are constantly taking steps but it's like idk walking around in a garden and not taking steps towards a destination. like yeah the goal is to live contentedly but its like trying to find things to want to live for/the things keeping you around in the broadest sense even if they're small things and it CAN just be like "i need to look after my cat" "my friends or family would be sad" but it can also be like "there's a movie coming out next year i want to see" and you keep these Big Things and until it also becomes "i want to keep eating this pastry i want to get another one next week" and like "a hare just crossed the road and they're cute" and "that was a funny joke i just saw" until the things you're Living For are just the most normal aspects of life and you've tricked yourself into living for like. life's sake. do you know what i mean.
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inkykeiji · 1 year
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so many new silent hill projects (*/ω\*)
#i know they won’t be able to capture what made sh2 so special BUT#from the trailer i’ve seen it seems like they’re trying to keep with that very flat affect in the acting and i think that’s awesome#it’s also literally identical to sh2 original from what i’ve seen as well#ugh <3333333333333#i’m rly interested in townfall tho#i don’t even care if the game isn’t good#the aesthetics alone are worth it#and anything that uses tech to it’s creepy advantage is always a plus for me#like i love the use of static in the original sh2#i actually wrote about it and it’s function in one of my final papers hahaha#because one of the dead space games (ds 2 i think) does the same with with static signalling uhhhh what’s her name isaac’s girlfriend#anyway#super excited for all of this i don’t even care if it’s awful#silent hill is half aesthetic/atmosphere anyway#my boyfriend & one of his brothers & i were talking about that actually the day it released#like the day the announcement released#saying if they can get the atmosphere of sh2 right then they’re halfway there#what i’m particularly worried about is this advanced technology taking away the charm of sh2#like the fact that the graphics are so;;;; not bad but mediocre or old school i guess??? just adds to its charm a LOT#but with all that being said it’ll also be so awesome to actually SEE the town in gorgeous graphics#super excited to see my sexy man pyramid head in all his HD glory ugh <33333 YES daddy!!!!!!#clari clatters#omg#clari CHATTERS#i’m leaving clatters tho that’s so funny
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kalmeria · 11 months
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yall should try group therapy this shit is crazy
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cherry-shipping · 1 year
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started replaying broken age now after 6 years……… can you believe i felt a pang of jealousy and sadness that a character who is a literal silly knife with a face implied it had dated another character once (a spoon with a face)
#cherry chats#POSTING IT HERE NOT BECAUSE IM ABOUT TO F/O A FUCKING KNIFE BUT BECAUSE ITS TOO INCRIMINATING TO POST ON MAIN#its literally just the accent and the snarky cutthroat (no pun intended) attitude. what on earths my problem#this is the exact same reason i started KIND OF crushing on spades slick last month or whenever it was i dont remember#its JUST the fucking accent and attitude. thats apparently all it takes to hit a weak spot#and this is also so fucking funny not only because of the Everything about it#but also i joked to myself in my head that i was gonna f/o the knife when i knew i just really liked his character cause hes funny as hell#(i love when you try to use him on shay and he goes ‘stabbing myself is NOT the right way to get off this ship’#and dutch goes ‘might be worth a shot. ya never know’. i love his dialogue im clicking on EVERYTHING with him)#and then he sort of MAYBE hinted at having dated loraine once? u know. the fucking fork.#and for just a moment i got sad and jealous. then it went away after a second and everything was back to normal#thats when i had the realization that. yeah ok im pretty sure i just have a weakness for Ummm THAT particular character archetype#SO embarrassing. im telling you google dutch broken age and see what i mean. its so funnt#that said for the FUCKING record im NOT crushing on a KNIFE in a video game. im not stooping that low despite my reputation#but its funny that i got so attached to him for like. 1 reason#im not explaining this very good anyway i guess i like snarky 20s mobsters or sum shit i dunno -_-
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ninashiki · 2 years
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im so crushed rn because ?!??!? the obscure utena sega saturn game had new anime cutscenes, right? BUT THE ORIGINAL RESOLUTION WAS 240X168!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IN .CAK SEGA VIDEO CINEPAK. before converting to a common file type so it can be uploaded to youtube or even any upscale attempt. but there is no upscaling with something like that. the detail literally just ISN’T there. without the uncompressed animation from the devs, it will never look good. even in-game, the cutscenes you do see have an overlay, so they’re literally smaller than the native resolution of the saturn, and THEN, not even every cutscene can play in game!!! i’m pretty sure the losing duel cutscenes went unused, since in game if the duels are lost you get immediate game over without a cutscene or anything. it’s so fucked. i think the only way you’d be able to “upscale” the cutscenes is if you’d manually redraw every frame by hand (which btw, how the FUCK would you do that???) which would take FOREVER even if they recycled as much animation as they possibly could. 
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how do you blow that up without it exploding
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c6scaramouche · 1 year
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In my sad wandering thoughts, I suddenly remembered one reason why I love cosplaying. At the con I went to last month, a younger child with their parents came up to me when I was dressed as [casual] Scara and they were like, so adorable because they had on a scara hoodie and was carrying a scara doll and I could tell that they were excited to see a Scaramouche and my heart just melted T_T
The joy I feel when I hear my cosplay characters' name being called out with excitement is so great
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homodog · 2 years
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oooohhhhhh. asukas about control & lack thereof. i get it now
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xamaxenta · 2 years
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Aaaauuuuuuu im tired of feeling inadequate
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