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#snk fic
amywritesthings · 2 months
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chocolate-covered silver. / a levi ackerman valentine's ficlet.
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pairing: levi ackerman x f!reader (attack on titan / shingeki no kyojin) word count: 1.8k summary: Happy Valentine's Day readers. Why not celebrate with some Levi Ackerman smut? note: set in the universe of silver underground
tags: 18+ MINORS DNI! pre-aot, levi's pov, explicit language, secret relationship, gifts, eating desserts, sexual tension, oral (f!receiving), touch-starved idiots credit: dividers by @saradika-graphics
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He could kill Hange for this.
A nice gesture, they said — as if he doesn’t already wait on James hand and foot whenever the other Scouts aren’t looking.
She’ll love it, they promised — but not without adding a probably after the sourpuss scowl started forming on his face.
He’s been her close friend for over a decade. 
He’s been in her bed for a fraction of that.
So why does walking to her quarters with a tiny bouquet of hand-picked flowers and imported chocolate from Wall Sina feel like such a death march?
“I’m only trying to help you out,” Hange quipped last week, interrupting his perfectly-happy afternoon tea. “Is it not a day people celebrate in the Underground City?”
“We don’t celebrate stupid shit in the Underground,” Levi corrects, fingertips locked around the mouth of his cup. “And besides, it’s a married couple’s holiday.”
“Not always,” Hange argues, finger lifting in a contrarian manner. “People who date celebrate.”
“That’s not us.”
He’s not technically wrong.
You’re not dating, but he doesn’t know what the hell this is.
Hange’s smile only widens at that. “Friends celebrate, too.”
“Then where’s my flowers, shithead?” Levi retorts.
That earns a bark of a laugh from the Section Commander. “If you want me to go pick you some flowers to put in your stallion’s hair, Levi, make no mistake — I will run out there right now.”
“That’s a present for my horse, not for me.”
Hange waggles their brows, leaning over the table and ruining his peace. “Gives you ample opportunity to pick some flowers for our hardworking Lieutenant, too.”
He told them to go away.
Now, six days later, he’s here.
He’s showing up like a dumbass at her doorstep trying not to run the other way before you know. 
Are you going to think he’s an idiot for partaking in holidays that mean nothing to them?
The only gift he’d ever given you was that damned necklace you never take off. It was the only thing he could afford back then, down there, while they fought for their lives.
Although they may be still in the fight for their lives here, too, he can afford much, much more for you now.
He will buy you a thousand silver necklaces if you want them.
Clearing his throat, the Captain takes a moment to collect his resolve before tapping a knuckle against the wooden door frame.
You shuffle behind it. You must have been going over presentation plans Erwin sent over.
He debates on putting the flowers behind his back or—
“Levi?”
Shit.
Too late.
He stares at you when you open the door, blinking twice. You mirror the movements, blinking between the box and the bunch of flowers in either hand.
Mistake.
Mistake, mistake, mistake—
“Are those…?” you start, trying to hide your amusement.
Levi scowls and holds out the bouquet. “Yeah, it’s stupid.”
“I was gonna say ‘handpicked’,” you reply with a snort, taking the flowers gently from his hand. Levi can feel his heart beating a mile a minute as he waits with a forced stoicism. “What’s the occasion?”
He stops breathing altogether when you lean down to smell the aroma of the bouquet. The way your face melts from stress to enjoy the moment, the scent, has him weak in the knees.
For someone that’s been labeled humanity’s strongest, you sure have a way of making his knees buckle from nothing.
“It’s… Valentine’s Day up here,” he carefully states, hating every syllable of it.
“Valentine’s Day?” you repeat, holding the flowers close to your chest. You step back, allowing him access to your quarters. Levi doesn’t hesitate to enter.
“Some holiday where people celebrate—”
“—lovers?” you finish for him, and the captain feels like he’s trudged in quicksand. “I know. Hange mentioned it to me the other week.”
Fucking Hange.
“Funny that they did,” Levi grumbles, before turning on a heel. You close your door as he extends his arm with his second gift. “You’re supposed to spend the day with someone special to you. Someone — well, it can be a friend —”
“Oh, we’re friends?” you tease him as you take the box of chocolates.
You’re going to kill him.
“James.”
“What? It’s nice to reaffirm — oh, shit.”
He stops in his tracks, painfully aware that you’ve gasped. His eyes slide to the now-opened box full of exquisite chocolate, throat now tight with uncertainty.
Maybe you hate it.
He really shouldn’t have listened to Hange.
“This is real chocolate,” you whisper, and that uncertainty melts into something so very warm.
“As opposed to fake chocolate?” he asks to keep his wits about him. To see you scowl.
“You know what I mean, Ackerman,” you snip, and he fights every muscle in his face to keep a smile at bay. “Where the hell did you get this stuff?”
“Don’t worry about it. Here.”
He steps confidently across the bedroom floor boards to pluck a piece of chocolate out of the box, holding it up towards your lips.
“Open.”
He knows that shift in your gaze when your eyes meet.
Yeah, Valentine’s Day is known for stuff like that, too.
(He can show you.)
Obediently you part your lips, widening your mouth so he can fit the chocolate right between your teeth. It catches, and you use your tongue to pull it into your mouth.
The pleasure is instantaneous. Your eyes roll into the back of your head, the real-time image burning the back of his mind, and he can’t hold back anymore.
“Is it good?” he asks, placing his hands on your hips.
“Better than good.” You hold out a piece for him. “Open.”
He hesitates when the little ball comes to his lips, but eventually he opens his mouth. You’re not wrong — it’s delicious. They don’t make anything like this underground. 
It’s a luxury, though he had intended only for you to enjoy them.
Of course you’d include him.
“See what I’m talking about?” you ask with an excitement that’s damn adorable.
“It’s fine,” Levi answers, knowing the indignance that’s bound to flutter over your face. He huffs a breathless laugh before swallowing the chocolate down. “Come here.”
Lifting one hand to your chin, he pulls you in with nonexistent resistance. Your lips brush against his, at first slow then sensual.
He wants to tell you.
(Your lips taste like chocolate, but you taste better.)
But he’d rather show you.
He glides forward, using the hand on your hip to steer.
You easily comply with his steps forward, guiding you back to your bed. His plan must be in the back of your mind as he kisses you like it’s his last, but he can feel it — the way your lips curve in that knowing smile.
“What are you doing?” you murmur, voice velvety with want. It drives him insane.
“Celebrating you,” Levi mumbles in return, pushing your body backwards.
You easily fall to the bed and he drops with you, knee to the mattress. Levi crawls down, down, to the edge of the mattress with his hands preoccupied with the zipper of your casual trousers. 
You don’t ask what he’s doing — all you do is giggle when he impatiently tugs the fabric down.
“As a lover or a friend?” you tease once your legs are freed.
Levi doesn’t answer.
Not verbally, anyway.
He wraps an arm around your hips, keeping you in place as he swats your legs wider. Your breath hitches from surprise — good, you’re too mouthy right now and he intends to remind you.
Friend, lover, it doesn’t matter.
It’s all synonymous to him.
You’re everything.
His past, his present —
And if he can bury his face into your pussy for the rest of his days, then it’s one hell of a future he can get behind.
The squeak of surprise rips from your lungs faster than you can stop the noise, and Levi is wholly satisfied by the sound. His tongue drags along your slit, coating his mouth with the taste of you mixed with the chocolate still lingering on his taste buds, and he groans.
This.
This is the only thing he needs for this dumb fucking holiday.
“Le—”
You can’t even finish his two-syllable name. You squirm, curse, arch, as he laps once, twice, before paying special attention to your clit.
Yeah, you won’t think straight now.
He knows you.
When his eyes flicker up from his work, he sees the way you struggle to watch him with that flushed face; how your chest heaves in that cotton shirt; how you want to encourage him, beg him, but your mind’s blank whenever his tongue swirls that precious clit of yours.
With his eyes, he says everything he needs to:
This is what I want. This is my gift from you.
Then he sucks lightly on your clit, rhythmic and calculated, and you have to slam your hand over your mouth to avoid screaming. 
Good. 
Fight to keep this a secret.
Because if it was his choice, he often thinks about ruining this — the image of a captain and a lieutenant, platonic and brave, like you’re not riding him in the middle of the night after a hard day of exploration and failures.
Like he’s not finger fucking you in the hallways as a reward after dealing with the higher ups in meetings upon meetings upon meetings.
Like you’re still two teenagers sneaking around, an underground flipped upside-down.
He hums and the vibrations make your legs shake. He has to keep from grinning, too focused on getting you to the edge by his mouth and his mouth alone.
You grow quiet when you’re almost there.
It’s been dead silent for several seconds.
He works overtime, arms locked around your hips to keep you in his orbit, as he licks and sucks and flicks his tongue side to side when—
That devastating sob.
The way your body arches like a woman possessed.
Thighs slam into his ears, making him feel dizzy, but he doesn’t stop.
Not until you whimper and tug and push at his hair to go away, and even then—
One last lick, for doing such a good job.
“You’re a menace,” you finally breathe, letting go of your mouth as your palm rests on your sweat-beaded forehead instead.
Levi lazily kisses down your inner thighs as you come back to planet Earth, proud of just how fast it took this time to get you there. He’s getting better at this, every single day.
Soon enough you won’t last a minute.
He’s determined for it.
“Yeah?”
“Absolutely.”
“I’m not sorry about it,” he murmurs, lips shiny and red from his efforts.
You laugh, and his heart swells.
“I think I like this holiday.”
Yeah.
Levi thinks he can get behind this holiday, too.
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the-traveling-poet · 3 months
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Laughter
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Once the vets, yourself included, came to the realization you’d never heard so much as a chuckle from the infamous Captain Levi, a plan is immediately formed in order to find out just how his laugh might sound.
Although, you might just discover a little more.
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Pairing: Levi x Reader
Warnings: Fluff, alcohol consumption
Taglist: @21aurora @deepzombieyouth @braunsbabe
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A/N: I got inspiration from this lovely post to write a little drabble for Levi’s adorable little laugh, and getting to hear it for the first time. So here I am taking a quick break from my fic to write some fluff!
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Levi wasn’t one to physically express the emotions he felt on a daily basis. He kept his facial features neutral, for the most part.
Of course, if he were angered or stressed, perhaps concerned or confused, his facial muscles would respond accordingly; yet, always minutely. A raise of a brow here, a frown there, eyelids narrowing over grey pupils or nimble fingers tightening around the rim of his cup.
These were all physical signals his companions could take note of to guess at which emotion he was currently experiencing.
While discussing this once, among other things, you’d made the comment that soon shaped a plan you’d all soon hatch.
Had anyone ever seen him smile? A fleeting grin? Perhaps been quick enough to hear a chuckle, or even better; a full on laugh?
Hange, Miche, Nanaba and Erwin had no answers, and neither did you.
So here you all were now, sitting amongst yourselves in a loose circle with drinks in hand and a deck of cards splayed messily on the table top. The plan was to get Levi to loosen up a bit while under the influence, should he provide consent to your little game.
Hange had forced Levi to join the rest of you, despite his protests. Though, those soon died out when you stood and offered the man a seat with such a hopeful smile.
Grumbling all the while, he had sat next to your left and accepted a hand of cards and a bottle of alcohol. Satisfied that the first part had been accomplished, Hange shot you a triumphant grin and took their seat.
You all tried your best to either poke fun at one another or share jokes, ranging from mild to borderline offensive humor; just to catch a peak at Levi’s expression changing.
He indeed loosened up after several drinks, but hadn’t upturned his lips even once yet. Occasionally he had added onto some jest aimed another’s way, and leaned back comfortably in his chair. You were hopeful this would eventually lead to him relaxing his pressed lips into a smile.
But it wasn’t until you were on the brink of giving up nearly an hour into the card game, that he muttered a soft sound.
Reaching across the table for a card to draw, you’d scoffed under your breath with a glare aimed Miche’s way.
“Really, Miche? You play cards like titan’s shit; they cant.” 
The muffled sound from your left made you hesitate to grab the card off the deck.
Surely not…
Hange nearly dropped their hand of cards, while Miche and Erwin easily let theirs clatter to the table. It finally was happening, you realized, as you stared at the raven beside you.
His red tinted face was half obscured by his hand, while the other hand laid his cards onto the table. With shaking shoulders and watering eyes, Levi met your bewildered stare and again the sound escaped him. Though he attempted to muffle it, he couldn’t seem to hold it in anymore.
Slowly that muffled chuckle turned into an actual laugh as his hand started to fall away from his mouth. His lips were pulled back in a casual grin, exposing white teeth as he took in a breath.
“…Like titan’s shit…” He giggled. Actually, giggled. The hand previously covering his face clutched at his stomach as tears lined his silver eyes. His laughter was contagious; lighter than his usual tone and somehow softer.
You stared on in awe as Hange soon burst out in laughter as well, making no attempt to hide their amusement. Erwin chuckled along with the shake of his head while Miche tried his best to grumble about the insult, but after a shared look with Nanaba he too snorted through his nose.
“That’s the best damn joke I’ve ever heard,” Levi chuckled, raising what was left of the booze in his bottle towards his lips to finish it off. He glanced back your way, and you couldn’t help but notice the blush adorning his cheeks and his ears remained as he continued to smile your way. Shaking yourself of the shock, a grin broke out over your face.
“And that’s the best damn laugh I’ve ever heard,” You giggled back, watching as he caught his breath. The tips of his ears grew a little redder, and he suddenly became very interested in gathering up the cards he’d set down, grumbling something or another under his breath.
You grinned over at Hange, expecting to silently celebrate your all’s success with them. But the section commander only grinned back at you, glancing between Levi and yourself with a suggestive wiggle of their brows.
Your flustered gaze flitted between Hange and Levi, slowly putting together what they had silently suggested. Levi caught the look and immediately reached for another bottle, and you were quick to do the same.
The game commenced; laughter bouncing off the walls and cards sliding across the table like nothing had happened. But with the sparse glances shared with Levi, accompanied by his occasional chuckle, you knew things weren’t quite going to be the same again. At least, between the two of you.
Laying down another card from your hand, you grinned the raven’s way with determination to make him laugh once again.
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coloredsolos · 8 months
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Do you have any jean/reader fic recs? Thank youuuu
yes yes yes!! i’ll categorize them because I’m not sure exactly what you’re looking for!! (all of the fics will be on ao3 and yes, all of them have smut hehe) if you know any other jean/reader fics please let me know!! i’m starving here!! also these are all 1+ chapter fics!!
MODERN AU
Respectfully, an Absolute Mess by Ercthesloth
this one right here. i laughed, cried and wanted to choke the reader at certain points. it is so incredible. this is a modern au that is not completed. please make sure you read the tags and warnings because this has some heavy topics!! also, the final pairing is still up for debate I believe (it’s a jean/reader and eren/reader fic, they both want the reader but reader is very torn)
Ice Cream, You Scream by LilacMochi
i loveee this one, I can’t wait for my updates because fuckboy jean has my entire heart! reader and jean both work at ice cream parlor, jean is an absolute fuckboy but he can’t seem to understand why he has such a soft sport for the reader? this isn’t completed and has relatively slow updates but god it’s so good.
The Boys at Work by spiteless
(also @/spiteless-xo on tumblr!! i didn’t know if she wanted to be tagged but she posts on tumblr too!! I read her stuff religiously. she has some fic recs as well)
read up to current spot in a NIGHT! I could not put it down. another jean/reader and eren/reader, but jean is readers best friend and tries to warn the reader to stay away from fuckboy eren… but does the reader ever listen? also love the fact this one is a modern workplace au (is that what it’s called?) like it’s AFTER college (with some flashbacks of course) but I love love love it
HISTORICAL (?) AU
Summer by ratboiradio
also @/ratboiradio in tumblr! I had no clue gracie had a tumblr and nearly fell to the ground when I saw they did!!
I love me a period piece and this one… I have no words. jean/reader fic that has everything you could possibly need (aka jean and cats!) also did not know I needed french speaking jean until I read this… be warned this also gets a little heavy at some parts, so just make sure you read the tags/ warnings!!
I will also be starting on a modern au fic soon! this of course will be a jean/reader fic… are we surprised. anyways I will be posting on ao3, however I will also make sure to post the link to it somewhere on my page! I hope these fic recs help!! pls send me some if you know any good ones!!
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icysinner · 10 months
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hometown hero — chapter one | back in town.
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𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒: onyankopon finally lives that dream of playing professional basketball, but through the glitz and glamour, he’s still in love with the girl from his hometown.
𝐍𝐘𝐀 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄: word count: 868, this is really long and can u tell i love ony
get added to the taglist. <3
𝘀𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 ᥫ᭡ 𝗻𝗲𝘅𝘁 ᥫ᭡ 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀
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“y/n, you heard that your man’s coming back in town?” lae asked as you sat across from her, getting a fill and a new design. “i have a man?” you asked her, fake confused because you knew who she was talking about. “onyankopon supposed to be touching down in the city today, you gonna go see him?” she asked, smiling at you. “let’s be clear, he’ll definitely come see me before i go see him.” a laugh could be heard from the both of you. you and onyankopon had an interesting relationship, that was one way to put it.
you transferred middle schools in seventh grade, moving all the way across the country. when you moved schools, onyankopon was your first friend. he was drawn to you because he realized you were quiet, and that if he didn’t make a move first, the two of you would never become friends. maintaining this friendship through school was easy, you, him, violet and tylae even decided on the same high school in eighth grade.
as you all grew up, onyankopon grew a love for basketball. he played all four years of high school, and then he got offers from all types of colleges. you thought you’d lose contact with him after college, because going pro was a dream he was willing to make happen, regardless of who he had to cut off. but onyankopon liked you a lot, enough to make sure he kept contact with you, and he even does now, now that he’s in the nba.
⎯⎯⎯⎯
violet rushed into the door of tylae’s salon, holding her laptop and papers in her hand. her blonde hair was in a claw clip as she sat on one of the waiting chairs. tylae’s salon was closed on the weekend, closed to everyone but the two of you. “girl, why are you running in here like that?” tylae asked as she spun her chair around to see violet. “oh, i was running? sorry.” violet said, smiling. “you guys heard onyankopon’s coming back today? supposedly to see his mom.” sometimes, you and tylae forget that violet is a journalist, and she would know all this information before you two.
“yeah, we heard, vi.” “he’s bringing levi and their manager too.” violet responded, looking through her papers as she talked to the both of you. “you sure he’s only here for pleasure? the man can’t keep himself from working.” you said, rolling your eyes at the thought of his reluctance to stop working. “pretty sure it’s just pleasure, if it is for work, they’re coming earlier than the rest of the team.” violet said, chewing on her gum as she read through her paper.
⎯⎯⎯⎯
sitting in your living room, a cup of noodles in your hand and rick & morty on your tv, your phone lit up with a text from onyankopon.
ony 🤍
just got off my flight, u home?
y/n
what happened to going to see your mom ? 😭
ony 🤍
i’ll see u first, come with me to see my dukes?
y/n
okay, only because i love ur mom
ony 🤍
don’t love me nm? crazyyyy
y/n
no i dont. see u soon love u
⎯⎯⎯⎯
you sat on your couch, still into your show, when you heard a knock at your door. your heartbeat immediately went up, excited to see your friend after so long. you opened the door, revealing onyankopon, who clearly was enjoying that nba money. he had on two cuban link chains, diamond earrings on both ears, (the last time you saw him, he only had one.) and gold fronts in his teeth. he looked good, looked like he just got a fresh haircut too.
“how long you gonna stare, girl?” he asked with a smile, pulling you into a hug. “i wasn’t staring! you’re just so..shiny.” you said with a smile, eyeing his chains. “like the ice, huh? maybe i’ll have to get you some.” onyankopon smiled, walking into your apartment. “you got a nice place here, upped the ante from the last time i was here.” he said, looking around at your decorations. “well, it’s been almost seven months since you’ve been here, and a lot has happened for my bank account in those seven months.” you noted.
“yeah, i heard you on your tiana shit, got yourself a restaurant.” onyankopon commented, “heard all about the place. gotta let me see it soon while i’m here.” he said. “well, when do you leave?” you questioned him, “if you really wanna see, i’ll show you tomorrow.” “i don’t leave ‘til monday.” onyankopon responded, picking up one of the mini jade statues on your end table. “okay, for one, put that down before you break it, and two, why are you here for so long? neglecting your job?” you asked him teasingly, to which he rolled his eyes.
“me and levi are here early, we have a home game saturday.” onyankopon replied, “speaking of, you should come, bring lae and vi if you want.” he said with a smile. “only if we get courtside seats.” you said, jokingly. “of course you’d get courtside, you think i’d have my girl in nosebleeds?”
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theearlgreymage · 2 months
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I AM READY FOR SIX SENTENCE SUNDAY FOR ONCE!!
I may have taken some mental health days this week and spent all of my free time writing.
Worked a lot on May Their Blood Boil -- I have officially finished the first arc of this beast of a fic!! It's sitting just shy of 80k (and now I have to edit it and I do not want to in the slightest.)
And a bunch of silly little one-shots. So I actually have WORDS for everyone today.
6 Sentence Excerpt from Chapter XXII of May Their Blood Boil
It didn’t work last time.  When I took the [redacted] down to the heart of Eldia - nothing happened.  It should have bound him to the palace. Tied him to the land. Let the soil feed off of [redacted] until it was sated.  But it didn’t work. 
6 Paragraph Excerpt from Untitled Reincarnation One-Shot
Things weren’t perfect. Levi still found himself suspended on occasion, mostly for fighting or being disrespectful to his teachers. But he got away with more than he should have as everyone in the school quickly learned that Levi would do anything for Erwin.  Most of his fights were over Erwin.  Smacking someone’s lunch tray out of their hand for calling Erwin a teacher’s pet. Kicking someone in the back of their knees for insinuating that Erwin was a nerd. Pushing someone against the chain link fence behind the school for stealing Erwin’s notebook.  It didn’t take long for Levi to gain a reputation as Erwin’s guard dog.  Erwin, meanwhile, was more discrete in his defense of Levi. Pinning a boy against the stall of the restroom and threatening him with a cold voice for spreading rumors about Levi. Quietly telling a teacher that someone who had tried to steal Levi’s jacket in gym that they were cheating on a test. Tripping someone and sending them flying down the stairs for insulting Levi while being sure to leave no witnesses.  By the end of Levi’s first year at Trost Middle School, the duo had a reputation for being an inseparable pair that shouldn’t be trifled with. 
6 Sentence Excerpt from Untitled PWP One-Shot that I fully blame @ic3-que3n for
Grabbing at the lapels of Erwin’s canvas jacket, Levi’s words are slurred as he tries to find feeling in his mouth. “Don’t talk to me like I’m some kid.”  Erwin spins them suddenly, pinning Levi against the edge of his desk with a tone that’s meant to be playful. “Then don’t act like one, boy.”  The tremble of pleasure that causes catches Levi entirely off guard. Never having thought about, considered even, the prospect of Erwin talking to him in such a way. 
However Many Words I Fucking Feel Like Excerpt from Untitled Client & Secretary One-Shot
My phone vibrates in my pocket. Three concise buzzes that tell me that it’s from the dark little app that I indulge in late at night.  Normally, I wouldn’t check it during the work day.  He’s too much of a distraction. But I need a distraction right now. And I did tell him to tell me about his job interview - which was … today.  No.  Pulling my phone from my pocket, I see the 1 Unread Message from Levi across the top of my screen.  It couldn’t be.  Pressing my thumb on the sensor to unlock my phone, I tap on the message notification.  Levi [3:42PM] : You said you wanted to hear how my interview went. I got the job on the spot.  It’s just a coincidence.   I type out my reply as I walk back to my desk. Not wanting to ignore the man that has captivated my every thought outside of work.  The Commander [3:43PM] : That’s wonderful news!  This could be terrible news.  Grabbing the folder that Hange left for me, I throw it open. Scanning the top of the page for the name of my new secretary.   Levi Ackerman.  Fuck. 
Hello's to all my online friends who I am terrible at staying in contact with below the cut.
And apologies for still being on my AOT bullshit. I swear I have outlines for CO fics. Swear. Promise. I'm just chasing the dopamine and serotonin lately.
@ic3-que3n @shrekgogurt @artsyunderstudy @krisrix @stardustasincocaine @upuntil6am @buffy @raenestee @aristocratic-otter @aroace-genderfluid-snake @bazzybelle @bookish-bogwitch @captain-aralias @confused-bi-queer @cutestkilla @ebbpettier @facewithoutheart @fatalfangirl @foolofabookwyrm-activated @hushed-chorus @ivelovedhimthroughworse @j-nipper-95 @larkral @martsonmars @mostlymaudlin @onepintobean @skeedelvee @stitchyqueer @theimpossibledemon @wellbelesbian @whogaveyoupermission @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @thewholelemon @yellobb
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braunbakery · 1 year
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little sparrow
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☞ jean kirstein x fem reader [ one-shot word count: 2.7k]
☞ sfw, angst angst angst, canon-verse
☞ plot: the world is ending, you are on a boat to your death, and your thoughts are of jean. (takes place on the boat to the hangar in marley season 4, managa ch. 131)
☞ inspired by little sparrow - alan dunham
☞ little sparrow
jean stands at the deck of the ship looking out at the surrounding ocean. you watch him from the other side of the deck. you watch the wind brush through his hair. you watch his jaw clench as he looks up at the trail of smoke the ship is leaving in its path. you watch him.
(you’ve watched him before. you’ve spent years watching him. most times he catches your gaze and shoots you a smirk. a knowing smirk, a friendly smirk, a pitiful smirk? you don’t know. but he looks you right in the eyes when he does it and that’s all that seems to matter to you.
“what you lookin’ at, huh?” he says, knowing full well it’s him. you huff out a smile in response, trying to cover up the speeding of your heart and the dryness of your mouth.
“nothing much,” you say, and he breaks out into a smile that makes you break out into a wider one. you’ve known jean for years, you’ve been through battle and war with him, yet in this moment you still can’t tell if he knows. if he knows the way your heart tugs in your chest when he breaks your stare and looks away.)
he catches you this time too, albeit this time is different. this time the wind is rushing through both of your ears, and even if he wanted to say something, you wouldn’t be able to hear him from how far he is. even if he wanted to say something, he doesn’t. he holds your gaze and looks at you solemnly, looks at you with the kind of exhaustion that makes you want to grab him and whisk him away from all of this.
there is no smirk this time. there is no joke quipped or cheeky smile. he stares at you and it would seem almost blank if you didn’t know him inside out. and then he nods at you (a slight nod, like it’s taking all of his power to do it) and goes back to looking ahead at the waves on the horizon.
“you okay?” a voice softly asks you, cutting you out of your thoughts. you turn to your left and find armin.
“armin, hey,” you say, and offer him a smile despite current circumstances. armin nods at you again, ushering you to answer his question (like you’d tell him the truth. like you’d admit that in the midst of this war and carnage and the end of the fucking world, you’re thinking about jean kirstein and wondering if he’s thinking about you. you’re thinking about jean kirstein and wishing his heart was aching because of you and not her).
“i’m fine, i’m just –”
“just?” armin cuts you off, interrupting your rehearsed response. just looking at the waves, you wanted to say. but you know that just as you’ve know jean for years, armin has known you for those years as well. and even if you haven’t been with them through the same thick and thin that they have all endured, he knows you enough to know that you’re still pining after jean in the wake of corpses and flames.
“…just,” is all you can say back. armin offers you a slight smile (pitiful, almost. you don’t want to be pitied).
“right.”
“and you, are you okay?” you ask armin. armin nods his head at you.
“to the best of my ability.”
“and…” you look back off to your side at jean, who’s still holding the railing of the boat and looking out at the distance, “how about him?”
“he was talking to mikasa earlier and hasn’t said anything to anyone since,” armin bluntly states. you refuse to make eye contact with him.
(the mikasa of it all.
the mikasa of it all is a simple yet utterly painful concept. no matter how much you train, how much you pour your soul into being better, how much you are there for jean, you will never live up to mikasa.
and you are there for jean in an amount that is almost poisonous to you. you watch him watch her pine after eren, you offer him words of support, and in the darkest of moments you offer him yourself.
“jean,” you whisper in the in the night. you both stand leaning against the walls of headquarters, having just come back from a busy day of basically being the backbone behind building the new paradis railway. the chill of the night is biting at your cheeks and fingers and you’re barely able to see each other despite the dimly lit lantern hanging from the wall.
jean’s nose is brushing up against yours, and his breath is fanning your cheek. you had just come out here to talk, to escape the chaos of dinner (you more so believe it was to escape mikasa trying to urge eren to finish his food, but this is something that you can ignore for now as jean softly holds your face in his palms).
“is this okay?” jean whispers back at you, and when you look up into his eyes they are already boring into yours and you’re almost entranced by the reflection of the flickering lantern in them. you wonder if you stare long enough would you be able to make out mikasa’s silhouette in his thoughts?
this is not the first time this has happened. where jean has snuck you away to talk, or to walk, or to on some occasions kiss. and each time you think you feel even more deeply for him and for the way he listens and laughs at what you say. each time you think you disregard the fact that he is secretly wishing you were her more and more. more and more until you simply will yourself to forget. you swallow.
this is all you will ever get from him. that’s okay.
“yes,” you respond.
he offers you a soft and almost fleeting kiss. )
armin nudges you.
“right, okay,” you say, basically mechanically. you avoid armin’s gaze. this is ridiculous. now is not the time to become jealous and insecure of this crush that has plagued you for much too long, and yet here you stand doing exactly that. at the end of the day, you are stuck on this boat until you reach the azumabito hangar. you are stuck watching jean and wondering what it is about you that is not enough for him to be agonising over you and not her.
“maybe you should go talk to him,” armin offers.
“no, i think he’d rather be alone.”
“it’s the end of the world,” armin says. annie slowly walks past the two of you and climbs back down below deck. armin’s eyes momentarily follow her until she’s out of his vision. he looks back at you, “no one should be alone.”
armin stares at you meaningfully, and suddenly your limbs are moving before you will them to and you’re making your way to the other side of the deck. to jean. he turns his head towards you as you approach him and you can feel your stomach tie into a knot. you’ve fought men and titans, and this is what is sending your heart racing.
“hey,” you greet once you sidle up to him. jean offers you a close-mouthed smile. tired.
“hey,” he’s looking at you.
“how are you doing?” you ask as carefully as you can, jean’s smile widens and you both know it’s not out of any rush of happiness.
he laughs sarcastically, “great,” and you feel stupid until he smiles at you again, a real one this time. one that comes from sharing this whole ordeal together, “how are you?”
“fantastic,” you echo a similar sentiment. he huffs out a short laugh and you’re both looking at each other.
out of the context of death and destruction and feeling the weight of the world on your collective shoulders, you think jean looks quite beautiful right now. his eyes are tired, he has scratches across his face, his hair is tousled and there are smears of dirt over his clothes – but you are captivated by this view of him and the ocean. you think it is the most solace you have been offered in the past twenty four hours.
“you know…” you’re suddenly saying, and jean’s eyes are flitting back and forth between yours, “you know you can talk to me, jean.”
jean nods slightly and curtly, sidling up closer to you in what feels like an attempt to make sure you know what he is saying is true, “i know.” he doesn’t break away from your gaze.
“okay,” you say, “just… just reiterating.”
he tears his gaze away from you and stares ahead at the blue once more, and then you hear a slight mumbling from his direction.
“…there really isn’t anyone else i’d rather talk to.”
lie.
(jean always does this thing sometimes. he lies without meaning to, without really understanding the depth of his words. or maybe he doesn’t really understand the depth of how well you know him.
you think he has a habit of saying what he wishes to be true, what he believes to be true through logic and deduction, but not what is actually true.
he’s supposed to meet you straight after dinner outside to go for a walk. it’s not that serious, you’re just hanging out because you’re friends. you’re spending time together because your friends – but unfortunately when it comes to him it is that serious. everything is always that serious and you’re stuck waiting under the same lantern he kissed you at outside (this has become some sort of regular meeting spot now. you wonder if it holds the same significance to jean as it does to you), stuck leaning against a shitty cold wall and wondering what’s taking him so long.
at first, you don’t care – not really anyway. jean is boyish in the way that he has the same boyish stupidity that runs through half of the male population of the regiment under the age of twenty one (even armin). he’s either still eating and taking his time because he’s forgotten, getting caught up talking to someone, or taking a shit.
you venture back into the warmth of headquarters to find him and you know once he spots you he’ll remember and excuse himself.
and you do find him, outside the entryway of the dining hall of course distracted by talking to someone. talking to mikasa. and you know he was on his way out because he’s at the entryway. and some twisted part of you is enraged by the hypothetical of him knowing that you’re being kept waiting and choosing fleeting conversation with her over meeting you. a part of you is enraged by the part of you that is enraged.
and a part of you is slowly sinking back into yourself, hiding in the darkest corners of your body and trying to hold yourself together. trying not to catch onto small snippets of conversation and compare your voice to mikasa’s, your mannerisms to mikasa’s and your flare for conversation to mikasa’s (maybe you need to make yourself smaller and softer and quieter).
and then jean catches sight of you, eyes widening slightly. he holds up his index finger and mouths two words, ‘one second’.
lie.
you feel almost out of your own body when you make your way back outside and wait for ten more minutes.
you know that deep down you are somewhat just a simple distraction for jean from mikasa. whatever he wants you to be, you find yourself already morphed into it. whether a friend to laugh at his jokes or someone to hold. someone to hold him.
that does not make the reminder of it hurt any less. )
“right,” you say, lips pursed.
“what?” jean asks, angling his head to look back at you.
“nothing.”
“oh, come on,” he’s elbowing your side, echoing images of him from when he was just a young cadet, “you can’t hide from me.”
and you can’t help almost laugh to yourself at the irony of that. hiding from him is something you have been doing for years. hiding the true extent of your feelings, hiding the parts of yourself that you think will scare him away (the jealous parts. the upset parts. the angry parts that wish you had never offered yourself to him. that you had kept yourself to yourself.)
“it really is nothing, jean,” you say, placing a hand on his elbow and pushing it back down to his side. you swallow, “compared to all this anyway.”
jean holds your gaze, thinking about your statement and then sighs.
“yeah, i guess everything would be.”
a comfortable silence settles between the two of you, as you both listen to waves breaking and the wind rushing past your ears. you both lean over the railing, eyes squinting as you look out once more. the view does not get old. you don’t think it ever will.
“i hope that with some miracle eren makes it out.”
your head shoots towards jean, and you can tell he’s trying his hardest not to meet your eyes. his jaw clenches and unclenches and his grip on the railing is tighter than necessary.
“yeah,” is all you can say back. you want to give him enough room to speak. to be listened to. even if it means you have to bury whatever it is you may feel or may want to say.
“and i hope we do too,” jean continues.
your heart sinks. the thought that he may not make it terrifies you even more than the thought of your own demise. it’s scary that you feel enough for someone to not even blink an eye at your own imminent death but feel your world may come crashing down at the thought of theirs.
“jean, i –” you’re suddenly blurting out, and the way jean’s head immediately shoots towards you cuts you out of whatever it is you were going to say. you don’t know what it is you were going to say, but it feels like it’s trying to claw its way out of your mouth.
“yeah?”
“i have something to tell you,” you pronounce every vowel and syllable carefully, trying to sound them all out in a way that soothes the way your insides feel like they’re caving in.
jean’s brows scrunch in concern and you can feel him gravitating towards you (which does nothing for your heart), “yeah?”
you can hear hange yelling in the distance and out of the corner of your eye you can make out the hangar slowly coming into view. jean follows your gaze and notices it too, but then he’s looking back at you as more people shuffle across the deck.
“i –” you try to start, but there are more yells. reiner stomps up the steps and onto deck towards hange.
“i –” it gets caught in your throat again as you make out mikasa’s dark hair blowing in the wind and walking over to armin.
jean, filled with sweet concern gently places a hand on your arm, and you wish you could disappear. you wish you could escape this feeling, this aching and this torment. you wish you had never met him. you wish you could be someone else. you wish you could be the perfect someone else for him, the one that is enough.
“i love you,” you blurt out.
you’re staring at him in shock at your own words and he’s staring at you like he’s trying to piece your words together over and over to figure out what they really mean. you swallow and swallow and swallow and your heart runs and runs and runs. there’s more shuffling all around you and suddenly everyone is above deck, chattering and planning and discussing.
but it’s still just you and jean alone at this corner and you can’t hope but pray for this moment between words to go on forever, so you never have to know his reaction. so you never have to plan how to go on after it.
jean’s hand moves from your arm as he now clasps your shoulder. like a comrade.
“i need to go.”
and he makes his way to hange.
you stand and listen to the howling wind alone.
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taglist;
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blueparadis · 1 year
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❝ TIMELESS TWILIGHT ❞ + ARMIN ARLERT
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CWs —» afab!reader with s!her pronouns,semi-linear plotline,  suggestive themes, royal au + supernatural au ( reader is a supernatural being ), strangers (to childhood friends) to lovers, slowburn, light angst, mention of corruption, violence and murder, temporary unrequited feelings, implicit smut descriptions,sappy romance and happy ending.
+. PLAYLIST—» moonlight ╾╼ somebody that I used to know ╾╼ rewrite the starts ╾╼ until i found you ╾╼ miel
PRECIS —» Armin was a chaser of eternity while she was a slave of it. One yearned for it, the other despised it until a thread of tragedy tied them together, forever.
+. NOTES —» this is for @dearbraus via @suyacho ’s gift exchange collab. hope you like this piece. I was confused between noé and armin but settled with the latter because this idea was originally thought for him.
I got this idea around april but finally, i could write this thanks to eden for that <3; also, this fic was partly inspired by the song moonlight by dhruv. I'm very much sleep deprived, so lemme sleep while y'all have a happy read. Merry Christmas (⁠^⁠∇⁠^⁠)⁠ノ
Special thanks to @orchid3a, @sailewhoremoon & @chosovixen for ß’reading this. also, you can read this in AO(III) ; browse more of my works through navigation links.
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Museums, sculptures, libraries, books, songs, stories, poetries, paintings— all these had one thing in common: that is, they were eternal. They carried so many memories with them and yet were so defunct. And then, there are humans that live and die like flies. Ever since Armin was bestowed with the ability to walk he would only use it to go to the library or to sneak out through the back door of his room into the garden, or anywhere that does not remind him of the burden he has to carry till his last breath, the burden of protecting each and every person around him—  the burden of this whole kingdom that his father ruled.
He never asked for this life, the luxury, the fame, and the power that came with it. His father had told him that everything that the light touched belonged to him, but only one thought crossed his mind: for how long? Armin did not have to ask anyone to find the answer to that question. He saw it, he lived it. The fragility of his life. 
At that moment, when he was on the brink of destroying thousands of lives in one blow, hesitation overpowered his senses; the man kneeling in front of him, waiting for death to embrace him to save him from such shame, gutted him in the stomach. So annoying, Armin thought and slashed the head of the ruler of the kingdom. 
He was nineteen when he owned a new kingdom, a hefty crown adorned with the most lustrous jewels in the city, and the queen that was promised along with it. To his father’s disappointment, he denounced it, the kingdom, and the kingless queen. Oh no, that does not mean he did not enjoy the greater pleasures of life. He did, through and through, he is the crown prince, and anyone who denied his demands would be rendered lifeless, a mere memory just like stories, books, and sculptures.
He was desired by many, even males. Some people knelt to him to please him, while others were doomed to become an unpleasant distant memory. There was no in-between, no mercy came from the heart of the crown prince. He was not cruel, just a rageful young boy who desired things that seemed impossible to achieve, at least in this life. He envies lifeless things that do not have a lifespan. How utterly foolish!
Sometimes he would laugh at himself, thinking he had been born cursed, a little sick in the head, but his diary told otherwise. He kept it in the library, the journal with sapphire covers and his family emblem. It rested among those massive books that carried the history of great generations and his ancestors so that none, even Mikasa and Eren would not be aware of him, his truth, his true self. Half of him was amused by how all his writing mocked the rich legends that his father boasts at every royal dinner, while the other half, wept like a wounded creature for not being able to make his dreams come true. He is the crown prince, the prince yet all that power fell short of his dreams to achieve; to hold someone in his arms timelessly and to fall in love limitlessly.
Armin could think of only one name, y/n l/n. The girl who left him without finishing her stories. The girl who met him only during Twilight, smelt like forever, and looked like one of those decaying sculptures of Rome.
The Library, that place has always been a wonder to her, y/n. Books stacked beside one after the other embedded with lores and legends from all over the world. Most are sugar-coated, few are the resultant of figmentation and truth but none told the bitter truth. The poets lied, love is not a prince saving princess, love is a princess waiting for the prince for eternity; love is not sharing kisses under the starry night, love is being burnt by mere words. Love is not divine, rather it is the most wretched curse.
Ever since she discovered the existence of the library, she had been fond of how lies are woven so slyly that even the witness failed to separate the truth from fallacies. She had been the witness to how all the kings confiscated the castle, slaughtered the innocents, and had all the women as baits for bodily pleasure, but those rusted pages of the book told how the ferocious warriors, ‘envoys of justice’, ‘harbingers of peace’, or so they liked to call themselves; those warriors killed so many cruel kings and saved the people of the kingdom from their madness. Same lies, different names, different times.
Eternity was nothing like she imagined it would be. It was never a promise of happiness, but rather a promise of loneliness. Heck, even promises faded with time, yet this followed her like a shadow. Even love failed to fill the hollow space she had in her heart. She stopped believing in good but did no evil. Indeed, she had the power to rewrite history, but that could endanger her life, even if she was at the edge of death. But hope can be a dangerous thing for a girl who has lived through an aeon, and it shone miraculously on a full moon night.
There was a particular book that caught her eye. The spine was slim, with a plain sapphire spread and a logo embedded on one of its ends. She perfectly remembers that a few days ago the book was not there and a certain someone is a fool enough to keep it among the books that have all scarlet bindings. But she should not let that bother her so much. Besides, she is here to read; read about how her lover turned against her, exchanged her to get a few coppers and silvers a century ago yet died at her hands. It was tragic, of course: to watch your beloved betray your love and trust, but ecstasy gushed into her veins when she killed him by burying her fangs into his neck, absorbing the life out of him. 
At first, eternity was a boon, and now it is a bane. At first, killing was out of rage and now killing was the only way of survival. She took a few steps back from the family shelf of Tyburs, and stood in front of the Arlerts family shelf. For a minute, she let her fingers run through the books and halted at the sapphire one, which had the royal emblem of the kingdom. She took out the book, thinking it would not hurt to spare an hour or two, after all, she had all eternity.
It was a journal. The handwriting was neat and artsy. The front cover read, “my daily dose of dread.” What a child! She thought, but alas, she could not open the journal. She presumed that it was sealed with magic. And, just like the cascade, the emotions that she locked away when she buried her lover in a grave gushed in her body, through every vein, through each vein. She felt alive again.
The next day, y/n spent the whole day outside observing the humans in the town, gathering some intel. After two weeks, when night befell, she made her way where she wanted to be all this time, the library, the very palace where she loved to sneak in and read those great lies and laugh at the dead. She waited till she heard footsteps, to her surprise it was a boy of fifteen, the son of Duke Arlert. It has been almost a century since she had any human interaction. And now, a boy of fifteen with all the life ahead and innocence intact became alien to her. It thrilled her.
“Who are you?”, the boy asked with aimless, oceanic eyes that had the tragedy of the great Gatsby. She jolted, blinked and took a few steps forward, bowed down in front of the boy and whispered, “I’m the new cataloger, your highness.” And that day, a new friendship was born. Only the moon and the stars were the witness of it.
Unbelievable it seemed to her, for how Armin warmed up to her so quickly. Y/n used to wait for him during nighttime at one corner of the library till he would come to her. Gradually he learnt to use the loopholes in the rules of royal court just so he could hear stories from her, stories that were not written on any of the books, stories that talked about the origin of fairies and monsters. Some days Armin refused to go to his chambers just to hear such stories from her, some days he fell asleep in her lap while she was reading out stories to him. The very stories that he despised so much became engaging to him. He started to take interest in royal duties too.
Sometimes, Armin waited alone in that library but he never asked questions like, ‘Why do your eyes change color? How come I do not see you when I come during the day?’ He was kind to y/n, kinder than most people she had met, killed, or had to betray, but at the same time, those questions weighed heavy on her heart and died at the tip of her tongue whenever she came to visit Armin. As Armin grew up, her visits became less frequent. With all the agony and anger in him, Armin never bothered to ask why. Moreover, he didn't want to cease those pixelated visits from her, however fleeting they became, they belonged to him and only him.
On his twentieth birthday, y/n went to the main court to join the celebration, mostly at his request. Amongst so many souls you felt lifeless as if you were a sculpture. And then, you saw the boy of fifteen who has reached his peak of youth. 
Armin still has those eyes of tragedy, that would tell you nothing except stories that never ended, stories that were abandoned by their auth,or or where the author had died before finishing it. But today, those blue eyes were not blue anymore. They were gleaming in hope and yearning as he watched you walking towards him surfing through the crowd.
Armin was sitting on the throne, with his cape flowing down past his ankles with the crown that sealed many fates of varied rulers. There was a line of visitors to meet him, you were one of them, just for today. Your turn came in “Happy birthday, your highness. Congratulations on your coronation. I wish you the very best of life.”, you uttered as you handed him the gift. He smiled. With a bow, you left his sight. That was it; nothing special happened. There were no secret smiles and stolen stares. It ended so soon, happened so fast that all you felt was remorse. But you did not let that linger on your mind since you knew that, late at night, when everyone would be asleep, Armin would come to visit you. He was not a creature of the night. You were. But it turned on you that very day when you waited for him till dawn.
A girl who had eternity started counting the days. 
Four weeks and three days have passed yet Armin neither came for a visit to the library nor wrote about his days in his journal. You remembered how he told you that you should not read his journal, it’s personal, he said yet would sometimes read from that very journal, just some musings. A few days later, you could hear his name in waves and in whispers, that he conquered several kingdoms, that he won many wars, and perhaps would conquer the whole world. The entire kingdom rejoiced at his success, however, you could not. You missed him. You mourned a living person since he never wrote about such dreams in his journal. Maybe that person was long-lost, somewhere in the pages of the books that anyone no longer bothered to read.
After almost five years, Armin returned home. He had abandoned all sorts of hope to see her again. The only girl who could feel what he was thinking, the only girl who could see behind his eyes, and live in between his bedsheets. He had desired her day and night, at each passing moment, in every way a man could ever desire a woman. He remembers the feeling, the feeling that has always haunted him since childhood, people called it love while Armin could call it burning, burning with desire, yet remained lifelessly indifferent about it. True love, as they said, but Armin thought it was punishment.
He was on horseback with his sword tucked in his belt which was made of gold and silver. His mantle shrouded the armor, which had witnessed many battles and mishaps, and was embedded with rare gems and pearls carving his family emblem on the mantle spread. His blue eyes wandered everywhere, he looked every bit of regal he was. 
His own home city felt foreign to him except her, except you, who stood young and beautiful amongst several bouquets of flowers receiving smiles and coins in exchange for said flowers in broad daylight. Even after five years, you look just the same; just like how he saw you that day on a full moon night for the first time. So many things to tell you, so many things to write in his journal yet all he could do was to watch you from a distance. 
Armin dismounted from the horse, and a gust of wind swayed his hood off, revealing his blonde hair that kissed his shoulder blades. There he was, standing on the opposite side of the lane, with his right arm resting on his sword, his azure eyes locked on you while everything around you seemed to evaporate. When you shifted your gaze from the customers onto him, his lips took an upward curve and your heartbeats ceased to exist. 
The lane between the two of you was filled with people that lead their life without being aware of the tragedies evoked by two distant souls. The dusk was approaching; the crimson sun rays fell short on them, for it witnessed two polar souls burn with desire for each other. It seemed like an endless twilight where only they could exist and none other. Armin took a step forward to cross the lane while all the flowers in the shop closed their petals as if they were to witness the greatest kiss of timeless love, but alas! Tragedy befell them.
It happened within a blink. When y/n opened her eyes, she watched Armin fall to his knees with a wound near his heart. The crowd became unruly; while everyone was fleeing from the scene your feet moved on their own to save him, to stop his bleeding, to do anything, anything at all that would save his life, but before you could barely cross half of the street, your senses betrayed you. It was such a mighty fall, for both of them.
“Oh! You’re awake?”, a bold voice, ruptured your eardrums that could still hear the screams of the locals. A finger traced your face as you opened your eyes, and you saw the face that you have mourned for so long, so silently, that you failed to realize the budding love at the bottom of your heart.
“Yo-you are okay?”, you gasped, blurted out in a hurry to check his wound. It was not there anymore. What actually happened back then?
“How can I not be?”Armin stated, taking a seat near you at the edge of the bed, “What was the last thing you remember, y/n?”, his fingers found their way irrevocably in between yours.
“... that you were bleeding. Everyone was running…to save …”, Armin placed his index on your lips saying, “I was wounded before I came to see you. I wanted to see you for the last time…”, he leaned against your forehead, continuing, “... but you, you y/n saved me.”
It must have been the power of love. A voice mocked the back of your head, but then  Armin showed you a pendant; the very pendant that you gifted him on his coronation day. It was embedded with magic. It carried the untimely dead souls, people who departed before their time came. 
“This. This has been saving me every time.”, Armin smiled looking at your astonished face. 
“You knew about me? All this time?”, you asked, a little offended by the childish tantrum he pulled. 
“Of course, love.”, he reported meekly before kissing your lips that he had been dying to taste. You moaned as he advanced his way, his hands palming your face. His touch was so tender and soft that it felt as if he was afraid to touch you, what if you break again?
You looked at him as your lips whispered, “Even before you touched me, I belonged to you, Armin. All you had to do was to look at me. I was right there, with you, the whole damn time.” 
@tokyometronetwork
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simphellscape · 5 months
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damage control // apologies // next | tw: none
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(a/n): see i worked on it! i know there are several people out there who requested to be on the tag list for this way back in the day, but i’m not sure who’s still active and interested. just starting from scratch for that. so if you wanna be tagged lmk!
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levmada · 1 year
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eepy Levi
how feed eepy Levi stew?
comb his messy bangs all neat and stroke his hair until his heavy eyes blink open. hold up spoon. yes he will scowl but it’s okay.
he can go back to sleep in just a little bit. if he can get some liquids down that’s good enough for you. then you’ll put him down for another nap🥰
eepy Levi will do anything for you (eepy or not). it helps you don’t say that last part.
scoop up a little of the stew and hover it in front of his lips.
“What… do you want me to sit up?”
a genuine question from him. you smile coyly and vrrrooooommm the spoon. “Here comes the scout!”
Levi rethinks his entire life up to this one moment. Was it worth it? All that strife to survive day by terrible day to be spoon-fed like this? A baby? An insolent brat?
He swallows with the most bitter glare he can muster, which says almost nothing. “Go to hell,” he mumbles, scowling at the stew.
He’s waiittinggg…
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attack on titan archive . . . fic masterlist
requests open!! i will write for any aot character <3 but first, read my rules
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don't see something you want? send me a request !
LEVI X READER
'cowboy like me' series
i ii iii iv
EREN X READER
sweet nothing
JEAN X READER
west coast
ARMIN X READER
mirrorball
CONNIE X READER
chasing love
ERWIN X LEVI (ERURI)
midnight rain
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amywritesthings · 2 months
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silver underground. / chapter 20.
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( Read on AO3 )
Pairing: levi ackerman x f!reader (attack on titan / shingeki no kyojin) Word Count: 6k Summary: flashback ten - also known as the final mission Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI - graphic violence, minor character deaths, titan deaths, bloodshed, graphic depictions of injury, despair, peril
Previous Chapter. / Next Chapter. | Masterlist.
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CHAPTER 20 - FLASHBACK: TEN
Eighty to forty.
Slashed in half.
On paper, the tactical statistics sound nothing short of a miracle.
In a division plagued by endless casualties, any hope of saving lives rather than destroying them should (and will) sanction blind approval from higher command.
For the commandant, for the king, for the people behind those Walls relying on this team to succeed in breaching the forest to pursue the mission of the Scout Regiment, it’s the best idea curated to date—
And it’s all thanks to Commander Erwin and his right-hand man, Captain Levi.
Levi Ackerman insists he can take on any Abnormal single-handedly.
Commander Erwin insists his Special Operations squad can and will find a way through the thick of it, once and for all.
A triumphant success for humanity, no matter the cost.
— but that was on paper.
When you wake, Levi isn’t beside you in your bed.
His disappearing act in the morning isn’t unusual nor is it disappointing.
By now you're used to waking up without him, though you only find yourself sleeping thanks to him.
(He's admitted that, if he doesn't slip out earlier than when you wake, then he may never leave.) 
Although your relationship is the worst kept secret within the Special Ops squad, it’s still just that:
A secret.
What is not a secret, however, is the trajectory of what’s to come.
Not every day in the regiment is a nightmare, but this is the type of day the average cadet dreads when they pledge their allegiance to the Survey Corps.
So you ready for the day with noticeable weight on your shoulders.
A determination to see this through.
A promise to show up for your fellow man.
(An oath to Levi that the two of you will make it out of this alive and see another sunrise.)
Today will be brutal, but you can prevail.
Stepping out of your quarters in full Scout gear, you hear the whinnies and whines of nearing horses as they gallop toward headquarters.
You fix the collar of your cropped tan jacket in time with your footsteps descending down the stairwell, mind elsewhere.
Bodies hurry in and out of the open front door. Gear clinks. Blades sheath.
“Lieutenant James!”
That voice belongs to no soul you know.
You stop dead in your tracks right in front of the open double doors. Turning to the sunlight, you raise a hand to shield the rays to locate who may have spoken your name.
Before you stands an entirely new group of Scouts that you’ve never seen before. Fresh-faced and determined, if not a little terrified — there is a large array of them standing around in a semicircle at the mouth of headquarters.
All adorn the Wings of Freedom.
All press their fist backwards to their heart, denting the emblem.
You realize some of their faces look familiar.
Albeit it was a brief stint as a cadet in the training corps, recognition flutters over your face as you spy some of the hopefuls that slept not so far from your bunk in the barracks.
It's been years. What were once youthful faces now age well before their time.
“Lieutenant, sir!”
The one in the center, a short-haired woman with glasses, barks once more.
“We’re pleased to make your acquaintance and to serve under the command of Humanity’s Strongest.”
At first you say nothing, dazed at the sheer number of this squad. 
Seven people hold steadily onto seven individual horses, their shoulders shrouded by emerald green cloaks. Some keep their hoods adorned to the crowns of their heads. Others bare their nervous but brave faces to you.
“At ease,” you murmur, and they lower their fists. “I wasn’t aware another squad was joining us this morning.”
“Miro Squad, sir, at your service,” the short-haired person greets, bowing. “I received Commander Erwin’s urgent letter for additional soldiers in the pursuit of breaching the forest.”
They take a half-step back and gestures to their team, pointing out every soul on their squad.
Miro, their leader; Trina, their second-in-command with wild fiery hair; and Scouts Orin, Max, Penelope, Cesca, and Rini.
Seven additional Scouts.
Fourteen Scouts in full for this Hail Mary of a mission.
Then it hits:
Proposing half of the original projected damage was bold, even for someone as shameless as Commander Erwin.
He had no qualms with setting this mission up with the new layout provided by Levi, ensuring as much of an air-tight plan as possible.
Eighty to forty percent is nothing short of a miracle.
But miracles do not exist in the Scouts.
Your stomach drops into the dirt with the sickening realization of what Commander Erwin’s grandiose solution really meant.
Miro Squad is the forty percent reduction.
A cruel and inhumane buffer of surefire casualties in order to keep the Special Ops squad intact during the breach.
You’re staring at a group of devoured bodies before you even reach the trees.
“It’s…”
You struggle with your words before slamming your backward fist to your heart, raising your chin.
Some of the younger Scouts stare in awe at your blatant display of honor.
“It’s wonderful to meet you, Miro Squad.” 
You bow, though you feel dirty for doing so.
“I trust Commander Erwin made you aware of today’s efforts?”
Miro nods. “We intend to serve however we can.”
They don’t know.
They need to know.
They need to make an informed decision before—
“Lieutenant,” a deep voice sounds behind you, and your skin crawls.
Turning your chin, you stare eye to eye with the blue-eyed man boring down on you.
Commander Erwin appears somber.
Stoic.
“Yes, Commander?”
The question is small, but it drips with a knowing venom.
Erwin is not fazed. “Captain Levi is tending to the horses at the stables. Can you aid him in preparation before departure?”
To you, you conjure what appears to be a clear answer woven between the lines:
Do not interfere. Do not disobey.
You hold rank to an extent in the Scouts, but what the Commander says, goes.
Continuing to hold his icy blue stare, you try to convey the question you cannot say out loud.
(Do they know what is about to happen?)
Erwin continues to stare right back, not the least bit fazed by the conflict in your brow.
He is confident. He is headstrong.
An answer.
They're going to dedicate their hearts.
(Just like you, too, promised years ago.)
Without another word, you turn on a heel and beeline straight to the stables.
Anger.
Why do you feel so much anger?
Is it because the outcome feels bleak well before mission has started?
Are the odds truly this stacked against humanity?
When you reach the parted doors of the stables, he's there — Levi Ackerman stands in front of his black stallion, gliding a gentle hand down its muzzle.
He senses your presence well before you even say a word.
He turns easily to you, but his eyes sharpen a fraction when he picks up how pinched your shoulders are.
“James,” he greets neutrally, brow knitting. “What’s—”
“Miro Squad just showed up.”
“Who?”
“Don’t play dumb,” you snip, making your way to your own horse — she has a white coat with speckled gray spots all along her body.
She makes a small chortle noise when you near and you serve your flattened palm to her for a nuzzle.
(Behind the pen doors, you note she already has her gear in place. Levi must have already saddled her up for you while you were getting ready.)
The dark-haired man to your left sighs in a huff. 
“Not playing dumb, James. I was genuinely asking.”
“It’s the squad Erwin’s setting up for slaughter,” you decide to elaborate hotly.
A pause passes.
You don't turn to see Levi's expression, but you can sense how tense the space between the two of you has become.
“If it’s Miro Squad he called to action, then they’ve fared well in comparison to the other squadrons," he argues with little fire. "Did he personally request them?"
"Allegedly."
"Allegedly?" Levi repeats, sharper in tone. "Either he did or he didn't."
"According to Miro, yes, he sent an urgent letter requesting aid."
Finally you turn a cheek towards him, forcing your eyes to meet.
You know that look he gives you sidelong. 
Don’t start.
(Neither of you need to fight again, not before this mission.)
"Then Erwin didn't pick a random crop of Scouts to shit the bed and die on us," Levi reasons, softer. Conspiratorial. "I know you think he’s a bastard, but—”
“Worst case scenario,” you interrupt, “at least his Special Ops team won’t die?”
“If my strategy goes well, then no one dies." He counters with the certainty that’s entirely Levi. “You forget my name is on the damn ledger, too, unless this is you trying to tell me something.”
White-hot embarrassment courses your veins as your childhood friend waits for you to challenge his statement — to call him an equal-part premeditated murderer sat right beside the commander.
You can’t.
You won’t.
Instead you cool off by slowly petting your horse, willing your bad feeling to wither away.
After a moment, Levi wills his voice to soften again. “We need as many Scouts as we can—”
“I know.”
“—and even then, if we all kick the bucket, it's on me."
Levi finishes with a heavy sigh. He turns away, dropping his chin to his chest.
“I'll take whatever punishment fits the crime if it goes to shit."
A beat passes.
Blinking several times, you turn your body to him and drop the attitude.
“...and I'll do everything in my power to make sure we stay alive," you whisper softly. "That everyone comes home."
Levi’s head hangs, cascading his wispy black hair as a curtain over his face.
“That's not supposed to be your burden."
"Where you go, I go, remember?" you tell him. "For better or worse, I don't care."
"Wanna workshop vows, huh?" he mumbles. "Right now?"
This seems to ease the air about the stables.
Centimeter by centimeter, twin pairs of shoulders release in their tension.
You can't help but smile, even if the moment is tense.
"I think the Commander would find the dramatics funny."
"Oh, sure, proposing to your ass right before the single-biggest mission in Scout history would really tickle his funny bone," he sarcastically replies.
"It'd sure tickle Hange's."
"Hange doesn't need more ammunition, not after catching our asses that one time—"
"That one time that was your fault, you mean?" You grin as he glares. Still, his scowl is playful. "Loud Mouth Ackerman—"
"Shut up, Lieutenant."
Levi lets go of his horse and raises his hand, palm outstretched.
“Get the hell over here before anyone catches us a second time, alright?”
Albeit small, he smiles.
It's forced, like he wants to remember this — to focus on this.
The final moments before the point of no return.
Like a moth to a flame, you step away from your horse to step towards the short, dark-haired man.
Once you’re close enough, he pulls you in from the nape of your neck and drags your forehead to his, pressing them together.
His eyes squeeze shut.
You stare, memorizing his face.
“I love you,” he murmurs. “Don’t die.”
All the anger in your body melts away.
“I love you, too,” you reply just as softly. “I won’t—”
The stable door creaks.
You leap off of the captain to pretend like you’re picking up the bucket of water at his boots.
Levi stays put, dropping his arm like dead weight.
“Captain. Lieutenant.”
You don’t need to see the face to know it’s Erwin’s voice echoing through the stables.
“It’s time to move out.”
You both reply in unison, two different octaves.
“Yes, sir.”
.
.
.
.
.
The formation is simple:
Captain Levi leads the charge into the forbidden forest with Lieutenant James at his side.
Behind them in a diamond formation are the Special Operation Scouts Petra, Oluo, Gunther, and Eld.
Command Erwin, Section Commander Hange, and Moblit remain at headquarters for the recon and debrief.
At the rear of the formation are Miro Squad to specifically call out nearing and flanking titans that the first squad may miss.
They shadow the Special Operations unit as back-ups, no matter the cost.
And at first? It's easy.
Deceiving easy.
The mouth of the forest gives little trouble.
Both squadrons of Scouts breach the thick grove of towering trees without incident.
Thirty minutes into this mission, in the belly of this beast, not a single Abnormal has been spotted.
There aren't any typical titans, either.
It’s quiet.
Serene.
“Alright, listen up!”
With his hands tightly wound around leather reigns, Captain Levi finally calls to the Scouts behind him.
“Keep your eyes peeled. Abnormals do not move like other titans. These shitheads can be fast and appear at a moment’s notice.”
“Right!” Several of the Miro squad shouts back.
The Special Operations squad is too focused to reply.
Whenever you glance over at Levi, he’s smooth as stone. 
He refuses to allow any emotion cloud his judgment on a mission, and you can imagine it won’t be any different this go-around.
Because this mission cannot fail.
The Scouts must push forward, no matter the cost.
(Even if the irrevocable cost makes you sick to your stomach.)
The sun shines bright over a canopy of trees.
Your cloak is too warm in this type of weather.
As you push further into the thick of the terrain, nearing what is assumed to be the halfway point of the forest, birds chirp less and less.
Eerie silence overtakes the pounding of hooves into the dirt.
Then, as fast as an inhale, you see it:
Directly ahead trudges a nine-meter titan, peering around a thick tree trunk.
"Captain!" Gunther shouts. "Ahead at our twelve!"
"I see the piece of shit," Levi calls back. "We keep moving. I'll take care of it."
You don't doubt that he will.
As it continues to slowly advance on your formation, you can tell the team is a little more tense.
Ready — 
Except no one was prepared, not really.
The titan ahead is an army of one, but it is not the only titan here.
It was just the only one right in front of you.
Behind you sounds a scream so bloodcurdling that you nearly lock up on your horse.
You turn despite yourself.
Within seconds, you see Max get ripped clear off of his horse with the sheer force of otherworldly strength.
(...a hand?)
Then, a gust of wind sweeps and swirls the dirt into a lackluster tornado.
His horse narrowly escapes.
It rolls over and over, kicking up a thick dust cloud.
Max speeds through the air at breakneck speed like a human arrow —
Until he abruptly crashes into a thick tree trunk, dislocating his spine from his head.
The crunch is like ripping a stalk of ripe lettuce in half.
He simply crumples against the tree, limbs peacefully blowing in the wind like a leaf.
His Scout cloak billows over his shocked face, forever frozen in belated surprise.
Gone.
Just like that.
Then from the shadows, as if waiting for its prey, a five-meter titan stumbles around a tree to chomp on the recently deceased body.
It gnaws off his legs as they dangle in the air, spattering blood all over the forest floor.
Your horse gallops on.
You can't look away.
Then someone screams, forcing your eyes to rip away from the horror.
“Cesca!” A blonde girl shrieks to the right of the formation — Penelope, you think her name is. “Don’t!”
“It's devouring him!” Cesca wails at the top of her lungs. “We have to go back for him!”
“He’s already dead!” Trina calls with experienced calm. “There's no use, soldiers! Keep your eyes forward. We keep moving!”
“James—”
Your head turns when Levi calls to you.
Wide eyes meet a narrowed gaze.
“—that means you, too.”
Your eyes round with the realization that everything is happening so fast yet moving in slow motion.
What was that thing?
Was that a... ?
You were so busy watching Max get eaten that you didn’t realize three more titans appeared on the northeast corner, awakened by the screams of Miro Squad.
Shit.
This isn’t good.
This is not good.
“Levi,” you begin slowly, but he shakes his head.
"Don't hesitate. We push forward no matter what."
He's right.
Max is dead.
You just have to hope the rest of Miro squad keeps their wits about them.
You turn your head to make eye contact with Miro.
“Faster!”
“Roger, Lieutenant,” Miro tells you before shouting to their team. “Keep going, Scouts! We should be halfway through the clearing.”
“Miro,” Trina alerts them sharply, "three more titans are crowding from the right."
“Shit, what does that make it now? Seven of them!?” Miro hisses.
(Seven?)
Your eyes connect with Petra who appears equal parts shocked at just how quickly this mission has dissolved.
“I— there's a whole bunch of them in the back!”
Penelope calls frantically, staring behind her.
"They're surrounding us!"
Three to the east.
Another three to the northwest.
A couple to the south, and another...
Something entirely unlike anything you'd ever seen before.
“Captain, we’re going to need to ditch the horses,” you tell Levi in a hushed voice.
“Not yet,” he replies, smooth and certain.
“Not yet?" you repeat. "Levi, we have an entire army of goddamn titans on our—”
“I said not yet,” he coolly bites. “I’ll handle them.”
You know he will.
You just don’t want him to go up against them on his own.
Suddenly someone from the right side of the formation ignites their ODM gear, and they swoop overhead.
Blonde hair whooshes straight by the team and into the forest thick.
Penelope is the first to pull the trigger.
“I’m gonna get ahead of the curve and attack!” she calls, zipping through the trees towards some of the smaller titans.
Levi says nothing, but Miro shouts to their own squad: 
“That wasn’t the plan! Damn it, Penelope!”
Her body rounds one of the tree trunks and heads right, disappearing.
Say something.
Say anything.
If that thing that killed Max is how an Abnormal moves, then Penelope doesn't stand a chance on her own.
You speak to him again. "Captain—”
“Not yet, James.”
“Penelope is going to get killed!” you argue, your grip on the reigns tightening.
“That’s the choice she made,” Captain Levi argues in return, sounding a little too much like Commander Erwin in the moment. “Remain steady and wait for my signal.”
Twigs fold and crackle under new weight to your right.
Then a thud shakes the straight through the horses and into you.
Penelope must have taken down at least one normal titan.
“Captain!”
Miro shouts in the middle of the squad.
“Should we engage? My squad can take care of the titans and carve a path forward!”
There is a tense, pregnant pause.
Everyone waits for Levi's instruction.
Two smaller titans walk directly towards the horses.
The dark-haired man's nostrils flare with decision.
“I’m going to take down the two ahead,” Levi shouts, effortlessly swinging a boot to the saddle of his horse.
With the muscles of his thigh he pushes until both boots are surfing against his running horse.
His black hair blows wildly in the wind. Like a well-oiled machine, he pushes back his cloaks to reveal his ODM gear, readying for deployment.
"Miro, take your squad and eliminate the enemies flanking us. You can come back to us once you're finished."
“What about the rest of us, sir?” calls Oluo.
Levi’s eyes narrow at the enemies ahead.
“My squad will keep the horses going. We need to make it to the end of this forest, for humanity's sake."
"And Captain, what about Penelope?" you quickly ask.
"She's a lost cause, Lieutenant."
He speaks with that coldness he's been forced to adopt ever since your days in the Underground.
"We can't go back for her."
You turn to watch as Miro squad disengages formation and turns around, charging bravely towards the crowd of titans forming behind.
An array of shapes and sizes await their swords.
(Or their flesh.)
Any minute now and it could be a bloodbath.
Any minute—
Levi flies off of his horse, trapezing through the trees.
A gas trail from how hard his gear is working is your only indicator for where he is at such a height.
He twirls with the shine of his unsheathed swords, slashing the napes of the two large titans ahead.
A victory.
Except it's a short-lived victory, because you hear it behind you— 
Miro squad.
They're in trouble.
Even from this distances you hear Cesca, Rini, and Orin scream and panic.
Scouts fly between tree branches with smoke trailing behind. ODM gear ignites and retracts without any real clear sense of direction.
They're drowning back there.
You see the silhouette of someone falling to the forest floor.
"One of us needs to help them," you tell Eld, and he shakes his head sharply.
"You heard Captain Levi."
"They're two fucking Scouts down, Eld!" you snap at your comrade. "We'll lose seven whole people!"
"We can't go against captain's orders, Lieutenant!" Petra calls to you, and Oluo nods beside her.
Scanning your squad still soldiering ahead with the plan, you feel something grip your heart.
Yet another gut-wrenching shriek sounds from the forest.
Maybe it's Penelope.
Maybe it's Cesca.
The voices reverberate and echo through the forest that it's hard to tell.
You don't even realize that you're moving your hands over your cloak to push it out of the way.
Eighty to forty.
"The hell are you doing!?"
The clipped tone of Levi Ackerman as he drops back onto his stallion rips you back into focus.
His knee drops to the saddle, facing his soldiers rather than what's ahead.
Your eyes meet narrowed gray.
"I can help," you tell him calmly. "They're going to die."
"Stay."
"They're going to die, Le—"
"Stay, Lieutenant." Levi's nostril's flare. "That's an order."
Miro squad's screams continue to haunt your subconscious.
You promised.
You said you'd stay by his side.
But isn't this what the Scout Regiment is for?
To save humanity, to give them hope.
It used to be something you felt was such a crock of shit, but you can't ignore the screams back there.
You can't let them die.
"I'm going to help them," you tell him without a tremor. "You know I can do it."
Levi's eyes flash with an indiscernible emotion.
"We'll all come back in one piece. I'll guide them to the horses."
"No."
"And we'll make it to the end of this fucking forest."
You stare back at him, pleading a forgiveness you haven't asked for yet.
(You saved me once. Let me save them.)
"If you go," he growls, "James, if you go, I'll—"
"I'll take whatever punishment fits my crime," you cut him off, "but I can't let them all die."
His pupils shrink, sharpening the whites of his eyes.
The wheeze of ODM gear bursts into life as it lifts you off of your saddle and into the forest sky.
Without thinking, you twist at the hip and take off—
You head south towards the screaming squad as they fight to break free from the titan hoard holding them hostage.
Wind freezes your cheeks.
The outlines of their bodies grow more pronounced the closer you become.
Soon you see five Scouts flying around, swinging their swords to destroy the last remaining titan.
Below are a cluster of smaller dead ones decaying by the second.
Trina, Miro's second-in-command, screams at the top of her lungs as she reaches out to her comrades.
"Help! Please, I don't want to be eaten! Please!"
She's stuck in the clutches of a ten-meter titan, slowly bringing her closer and closer to its open mouth.
They’re everywhere.
(How did everything go so wrong so fast?)
You don't think about dying. You don't worry about how upset Levi will be when you return. You don't stop to second guess your actions. 
You don’t.
You just do.
Yelling at the top of your lungs, you rip both blades from their metallic sheaths at your hips.
Spinning from the momentum of your swing, you slice straight through the wrist of the titan holding Trina hostage.
She falls with enough smarts to break her fall with her own gear.
“James!” Trina cries out with equal parts despair and relief. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"I came to make sure you were all okay," you tell them, shaking your head. "I guess you didn't really need back-up. We still have your horses..."
But you trail off, confused.
They should be relieved.
They killed every last titan back here.
Yet the Miro squad cling to the trees, skin as translucent as ghosts.
"Something big ate Penelope!" Cesca sobs, swinging her sword frantically to keep invisible outstretched fingers at bay. Her eyes are a window to nothing. As if she's curled into herself as she screams to you. "You need to—"
You're about to ask what the hell she's talking about.
But then you see it:
Climbing.
No, crawling through the trees, running like a rabid dog through the branches to eye up its prey.
A titan.
In comparison to other titans, it's practically a sun spot.
And it's so fast.
Eleven meters tall. Maybe thirteen.
You can't tell when its crouched like that.
Deformed.
Curled in on itself.
Then it halts when it sees you, blocking you from the rest of Miro squad.
A chill runs up your spine.
You stop to balance against the side of a tree trunk, staring face-to-face with your first Abnormal.
Its grin is something straight out a nightmare.
Its eyes track you, as if it...
As if it hopes you’ll flinch and begin the chase.
Shit.
You can't get around it.
You're stuck here — but the other five aren't.
“Trina, Miro, find Captain Levi,” you force yourself to speak, unable to look away from the Abnormal. “Take your squad north. Tell them you found an Abnormal."
“But—”
“I said go north, damn it,” you growl, clenching your teeth.
"What about you?" Miro asks.
“I'll be right behind you," you promise, though you damn well know you can't run straight through with your gear.
Why isn’t this titan attacking you?
Is it just waiting for you to run first?
Dedicate your heart.
No — this thing isn't going to kill you.
Max is dead. Penelope is dead.
But you came just in time to save five others.
You can save them, yourself, and this mission.
No, you won't die.
Not today.
“Go!”
Shouting at the top of your lungs, the Abnormal finally dives to attack you. 
Only when you swing past it do you realize it was waiting — not for you, no, but for an eight-meter and ten-meter with blood all over its mouth to catch up.
Not one, but three Abnormals.
Shit.
Miro and Trina gather Orin, Cesca, and Rini.
All five swing through the trees back towards where you just came from.
In the meantime, you exhaust your efforts through intense ODM defensive maneuvers to avoid getting caught in the clutches — or teeth — of the three titans.
They chase after you, using the trees to their advantage.
It's no use.
You can't outrun all three.
So you'll have to fight these assholes to find a way out.
Turning abruptly, you side-step the lurching ten-meter reaching out towards you.
With a battle cry from the gut, you scream and slice straight through the nape of its neck. 
Steam emits as it gurgles and stumbles, effectively dying on the forest floor.
One down.
Three to go.
You set your sights on the smaller titan first, gliding and sliding through the trees.
(The eleven-meter titan will be your greatest problem. You choose to make it your final priority.)
When you flip in the air, crown pointed to the ground and feet in the air, you can no longer see the bodies of Miro squad.
Only a faint trail of their gas fumes linger.
It’s just you, and the things that want to kill you.
But you won't die today.
No, you are not dying in this fucking forest.
Because you promised him.
Skating across a large tree trunk, you swan dive in the air and reattach your gear to opposite tree trunks, sights locked on the eight-meter titan.
The eight-meter monster stares directly at you, but you use its shoulder to lodge your spike directly into its flesh.
The momentum of the swing offers enough brutality to effectively rip into the nape of its neck, causing titan blood to splatter all over your body.
It stumbles, falling to the forest floor. You remain perched on its shoulder, sword extended.
Two down.
You can do this.
You can finish these titans off and meet up with the team before the mission is over.
It isn’t a lost cause.
Determined to see it through, you turn on the heel of your boot—
With a might crack of its arm, the eleven-meter knocks you clear off of the eight-meter’s shoulder and straight into the tree your gear is already attached to.
Your head hits.
The world turns into stars right before your eyes.
And before you can find yours wits and attack back—
Its fiery palm seizes your body from the tree trunk and squeezes.
The momentum nearly rips your spine in half when the Abnormal grabs you.
You gasp for air, knocked clear from your lungs.
Because you didn’t disengage your ODM line latched into the nearby tree, the sheer force of its grip on you bends your gear, forcing you to ragdoll between the points.
Shit.
The grapple of your gear won’t budge.
It won’t detract. 
The jerking movements between the manhandling of the Abnormal and your jammed gear create a perfect storm of injuries.
Pops and crunches trickle up your body, breaking bones upon bones upon bones—
You see white. 
The titan cannot get you loose from the tree, and you cannot get loose from it, so you act on pure instinct — with what little strength you have left, it stretches out and around to swipe your sword through the titans hand, narrowly missing your own chest.
One chance, and you took it.
Because not only did the sword cut through the titan, but it split the ODM line keeping you eleven meters in the air.
When you realize you can’t even breathe when the titan lets you go, you know what’s coming.
Weightless and numb of your own pain, you can feel the wind on your face, but your lungs refuse to expand.
They’re trapped from a cracked rib, and you’re out of time.
Something as bittersweet as foolish bravery crawls through your skin, burning it alive:
No one is coming.
You told Miro squad to run.
You defied orders.
—but you promised Levi you wouldn’t die.
(Is this the end of all things, right here?)
The screams and shouts echoing through your mind are not of Levi and Miro squad, no, but of your lost comrades — the ones who experienced the very same hopeless, fleeting feeling of fear right before they went.
You think of ash-blonde hair. Ginger locks.
Were Furlan and Isobel afraid?
When they couldn’t survive the Scouts, when they fought titans, did they look up at the sky just like you?
Did they know it was the end?
Were they worried they disappointed Levi?
Did they think of you, too, the way you're thinking about them?
Would they hate you for what you've done to Levi?
Four pairs of hopeful eyes walked up those Underground City stairs and into this world, yet only one will remain.
I promised.
You open your mouth, but nothing comes out.
No screams.
No sobs.
You reach for the branches, watching the glittering sun through the canopy of trees, but you cannot touch them.
There is nothing you can do.
I’m sorry.
You continue to reach for the sky like you’ll catch on something without strength.
Your adrenaline-addled mind runs through so many memories—
The fighting rings of the Underground City;
The dream of leaving this place;
The feeling of the sun on bare skin;
Him.
Levi Ackerman.
Captain of the Scout Regiment. Humanity’s Strongest.
Your best friend.
The love of your life.
The boy who saved you, over and over, until—
“James!”
Suddenly your body reacts with a pained, strangled gasp.
The beauty of the sun disappears when a dark, oval silhouette overtakes it.
A brilliant shimmer of emerald billows around it.
It twirls and slashes the nape of the eleven-meters neck before pivoting south.
Towards you.
The silhouette nears at supernatural speeds, a trail of gas zipping in its wake—
It’s a man.
His gaze is overtaken by the whites of his eyes.
With how fast he’s descending from the tree tops, it’s a miracle he ducks and dodges every rogue branch.
His black hair is pinned to the sides of his head. The terror is written all over his face.
That face…
Levi.
You can’t speak, but you instinctively reach for his hand.
He grits his teeth, willing his body to fall faster. He breaks a barrier and soars closer to your orbit.
“Stay with me!” Levi shouts, voice determined and strong. “I’ll catch you!”
But you’ve been falling for what feels like hours, and he’s caught you so many times in the past.
When you struggled with ODM gear training, Levi would be the one to spot your fall. Every time, without failure.
But it wasn't his duty to catch you.
It wasn't his duty to come back for you.
He reaches out a hand, teeth clenched, but his fingertips just barely miss yours.
"Shit. C'mon, James, reach!"
He's getting desperate.
You've never seen him desperate.
The ground must be close.
Is it close?
(I’m sorry.)
You wish you could tell him. 
You wish you had the strength, the breath, to do so. 
(I'm sorry.)
You failed him.
You didn’t listen.
You should have listened.
With what little strength is left in your both, you roll your shoulder forward to send your hand towards his.
Your fingertips touch again, but he can’t quite grasp you. 
(But then so many others would have died. An entire squad of seven in a formation of fourteen instead of just three. Isn’t that what the Scouts are supposed to fight for, Levi? Isn’t that why we work so damn hard to achieve this dream for humanity?)
His breath hitches.
His eyes explode.
Because he knows what’s coming, too.
“James!”
A sorrowful breath that should be his name exits your mouth.
(Levi, I’m so sorry. I love—)
The back of your head slams into the ground.
A sickening thud.
A lost gasp of air.
The world goes black.
.
.
.
.
.
  Why did you do it?
Do what?
.
.
.
.
.
  “James!”
A baritone voice shouts your name.
It’s guttural, echoing with desperation. Fear.
.
.
.
.
.
  You gave me a second chance.
.
.
.
.
.
  The man dives through the trees at an otherworldly pace.
Arms pressed tight to his sides, he expertly zig-zags through an array of branches, propelling his body forward.
His emerald cloak billows from behind in an angelic halo.
As he nears, you can make out the whites of his widened eyes.
Instinctively, your hand reaches for him—
A certain sort of deja vu—
Then it hits.
.
.
.
.
.   Because where you go, I follow.
.
.
.
.
.
  Something heavy crashes straight into your body.
Two strong arms envelope you.
A palm cradles the back of your head.
Metallic gear wheezes, straining against its mechanics when your side hits solid ground.
Over and over, you spin at lightning speed.
Whatever holds you does not let go.
— then you collide with something solid, and everything just stops.
Silence.
Dirt kicks up around you in a cloud.
Twin hearts beat against each other.
Slowly you raise your hand to your shoulder—
Reaching— 
Until you find his hand.
Your shaking fingers curl over his.
.
195 notes · View notes
damn-stark · 1 year
Text
Chapter 30 Beyond the sun
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Chapter 30 of Cherry
A/N: Who’s back? I’m back! IM BACK!!!! *cue in Oprah you get a car gif*
Warning- Angst, long chapter, swearing, fluff, mentions of blood, wounds, ptsd
Episodes- 4x88 (special episode pt.1)
Pairing- Jean Kirstein x reader
(Let me know if you want to be tagged)
————
There he stood calmly, every bit of that boy you knew before he abandoned everyone in Marley, before he turned to this cold person, before he started the rumbling and began to stomp on the world beyond the Island. Here he was standing before you with those same ferocious green eyes full of hope and determination.
Eren was here before you.
“What do you need to say, Eren?” You probe. “What's so important that you couldn’t include everyone?”
Yet even if you saw him before you, your annoyance and anger doesn’t fade.
“Is it perhaps about what you’re doing?” You spat. “The destruction? The killing of innocents? Eren, what is—”
“Stop,” he cuts you off, and still doesn’t seem annoyed. “Just listen okay?”
You blink to look down at the sand beneath your feet and don’t respond with anything to let him speak.
“I know you have a lot of questions, I know you’re angry, you have every right to be, but,” he pauses and sighs. “I just need you to hear me out. I won't be able to say it again.”
What? What does he mean by that?
You slowly look up at him and narrow your gaze.
“When the time comes,” he continues and steps closer to you. “I need you to do what’s right. It’s all going to come down to one final act…you’ll know it when it comes. And if anyone else can’t, if no one will, please do it.”
Your anger and annoyance begins to fade, and concern and confusion replace it. “What are you talking about Eren?” You ask with a puzzled look. “What’s going to happen?”
Eren let’s out a deep breath, and then offers you a faint smile, one you haven’t seen in months. One so kind that this now seems like a dream.
“You’ve been a good friend,” he suddenly changes the subject. “You’re like the annoying sister I never had.” He scoffs softly, and you just look at him with more confusion. “I…” he pauses and his breath trembles. “I really hope you get everything you want out of life. You deserve it.”
“Eren,” you breathe out and still can’t figure out what to feel, even if you’re beginning to understand why he isn’t being cold, why he looks kind and sounds genuine.
“Live your life to the fullest, y/n, don’t regret a thing.” He closes the gap that was between you and holds your gaze with his watery eyes. “And promise me one more thing?”
Since you’re unable to comprehend what’s going on you remain quiet.
“Promise me you’ll look out for her…Mikasa.”
You blink in disbelief, and then it hits you like a bullet to the flesh. You finally accept what you were trying to deny. This….it’s a goodbye.
“Promise me you’ll be there for her.” He adds.
You shake your head, and now your lips form to a sad frown whilst your eyes fill with tears. “No, Eren, no. You can—”
“Come back?” He cuts you off. “After all I’ve done?” He shakes his head. “I have to do this. I have to say goodbye. Just promise me you’ll live your life, okay? Don’t think about me, be happy and live your life with Jean or whoever you want. And look out for her, please tell her to live a good life, a happy life, tell her not to think about me. Please,” he begs as tears roll out of his eyes.
“Eren,” you whisper softly.
Said man offers you a gentle smile and lets his eyes linger on you to take you in one more time before he wraps you in an embrace.
His warmth and comfort shocks you at first since he’s never been one to be this affection. But as you take in his words, as tears escape out of your own eyes you hug him back.
“I’m glad I…” your voice quivers. “I got to meet you. You were a headache and quite scary, but I will never forget you.” You assure him so you won’t regret not saying what’s on your mind, and feel him hold onto you tighter. “I’m glad I got to have a brother.”
Eren lets out a slow sigh and whispers. “Keep this between us okay? You’ll keep your promise?”
You sniffle and nod. “I promise.”
And just like that the starry sky is gone, that bright tree is no longer ahead, and the comfort of Eren’s arms are no longer holding you. It’s cold and bright only due to the lights that come from the ceiling above.
He was right too, nothing changed around you in this physical state; Jean, Connie, Armin, Onyankopon and Reiner were still pulling in the flying boat, only your mood changed. Now instead of wanting to tease Connie as he struggled, as you were annoyed you couldn’t help, now a sad frown decorates your features, and tears roll out of your eyes.
Why did Eren have to tell you that now when you’re with everyone? Why you?
You suck at lying, people see right through you. He knows that. He knows it’s hard for you to keep things from Jean. It’s hard to keep in what makes you emotional from Levi. Why say goodbye?
Why does he have to say it?
No matter what—
No, no you can’t think about it any further or else you’ll just sob and not stop….but now, now it’s hard to actually be furious. What he’s doing is still wrong, but it’s hard to…hate him.
Fuck, fuck!
You let out a shaky sigh and push yourself away from the tall crates you’re leaned against to…do what exactly?
You can’t help the men because Jean doesn’t let you, “you’ll open your stitches”—please.
Maybe Mikasa needs help unloading!
You wipe away the tears and thank the night sky that it’s dark or else they’d see your puffy eyes. You the head over to the ship. Yet when you see her walking down with a crate in her hands, when you see her face all you’re reminded of now is what Eren told you, the promises he made you keep—you can’t be with her right now. Not now. So you turn on your heels and just take a step forward and stay there. There’s nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide.
You can’t go to Hange or else they’d make you spill everything, you can’t walk around the harbor because what if someone is out there in the shadows ready to take you back to a cell. You can’t talk to Annie because…well there’s nothing to say, and Levi?
You can’t lie but he wouldn’t force you to say anything, he’ll be good company too.
Thus before anyone can talk to you, you turn around again and just keep your head down as you make a beeline to Levi’s quarters. You rap your knuckles on the door and wait for a response. Which you don’t get so you knock again.
“Come in,” he mutters.
You slowly open the door and poke your head inside first, causing him to sigh. Yet before you can react you notice him sitting on his bed. “What are you doing?” You complain and rush over to him. “You should be resting. Laying down.”
Levi scoffs and swats your hands away. “I’ve had enough of it. I’m tired of being useless.”
“But you’re not, we understand,” you argue. “Please just rest.”
Levi looks up at you to meet your gaze. “I will if you do. You need it too, you’re putting too much strain on your wounds. If it gets infected what then? You’ll get a fever,” he answers his own question. “What if your heart can’t take it?”
You step back to sit next to him and sigh deeply. “I had a fever before you know? When I was on my way here, I didn’t die.”
“But how close were you?” He asks without hesitation. And that’s when he makes you go speechless because last time was a fever that almost took you.
“Exactly,” he interjects in your silence.
You swallow thickly and begin to fiddle with your fingers. This is not the talk you expected, but it does keep you from thinking about what Eren said. And to keep that up you comment on something discussed before. “So is it true that you’d go back home if we make it out of this?”
Levi turns his head to look at you with his eye and nods. “If it’s what you want? What of Kirstein though? You really think he’ll want to live in the slums?”
You shrug. “We don’t have to live underground….I just want a home. Some place where we can feast and see the stars,” you smile softly and meet his gaze. “Just like what we wanted. He can come, but if he doesn’t want to that's fine too.”
Levi raises his chin and narrows his eye. “Well isn’t that a change of heart.”
You drop your gaze and draw in a deep breath. “Being in Marley,” you sigh. “It changed me. I…” you shake your head. “I just don’t know. I don’t know what I want.”
Jean fills your head with so much pretty stuff, you want to still cling onto your previous wishes that you had before getting trapped in Marley, but as the days go by, as the nightmares haunt your mind slowly those dreams and wants get torn away. You want peace, you still love Jean, but it’s the future that’s hazy now.
Levi huffs out and carefully pats your hand before he slowly holds it. “That’s fine too. You’re young, if we make it out you’ll have the whole world to see. You can fall in love again and again. You’ll have choices, that’s something we didn’t have before.”
You hum in agreement and nod slowly. You stay quiet after that and just watch your hands, and it’s your silence that he reads you like a book.
“What's bothering you?” He asks.
You blink in disbelief and keep your gaze down as you shake your head. “Nothing. Just thinking of what we just talked about. What…we probably have to do.” Without giving anything away you lift your eyes slightly to share a question while also trying to find comfort somehow over what Eren said to you. “If it came down to it could you…get rid of Eren?” You can’t even say the word anymore. It hurts too much.
Levi studies you for a moment, tries to figure out why the sudden bleak question, but all he sees is anguish you can’t hide.
“If it came down to it,” he says but hesitates. “What else can we do? Why? Having doubts?”
“Whatever he’s doing, after all he’s done, he's still my friend, my comrade, and family.” You share with a sniffle. “If I regret then I will be miserable. But I’ve never had to fight against someone I really truly care about.”
Yes you fought against Reiner before when you learned of his betrayel, but this is different. Eren is different.
“Yeah,” he agrees. “But sometimes we have to make hard sacrifices for the better.” His voice goes quiet and his gaze flickers away. You don’t question him, you don’t have to, so you just sit there and linger in the silence.
You need comfort and help with much more but you made promises you can’t break. So as for now that’s all you’ll say.
However, that silence that had filled the room, is broken by the springs of the bed sounding as the mattress begins to move. When you lift your gaze you catch Levi getting up.
“What do you think you’re doing?” You snap at him as you jump to your feet.
“Getting out of this room,” he throws out like some senile old man. “I told you I’m done resting.”
You scoff and begin to follow behind him. “I promise I’ll come get you when we leave, you can—”
“Stop babying me, I…” he pauses and sighs. “I’m grateful, Cherry, but I can’t lay there anymore.” He opens the door of his room and begins walking out with struggle, but he still does it.
“It’s still crazy, you should still be in bed,” you keep reminding him and turn the hall with him, seeing the stairs coming up.
“So what?” He quips. “So you shits can forget all about me?”
You sigh and put your hands out behind him as begins to slowly descend the stairs. “No, we would never do that. You know that.”
He scoffs. “Besides that bearded bitch who passed out after her arm was broken is awake.”
Who is feeding him this information?
“And I’ll be damned if we don’t make her tell us where Eren’s going.”
Footsteps approach the stairs from below, and when you look down you see Armin. So if he’s here now that means the flying boat is in the hanger getting prepared for take off.
“What?” He gasps as his eyes go wide with worry. “What’s going on?” He tries to climb up, but stops when Levi shoots him a glare.
“He’s not listening, that's what is going on,” you remark and grab Levi’s arm to help him down the last step, whilst Armin reaches for his arm to do the same. Albeit Levi then swats both of you away.
“Stop, need I remind you I’m still your superior,” Levi throws out. “Being close doesn’t erase that. So stop trying to help me.”
He turns to head where Yelena is being kept, letting Armin and you share a concerned look before you both follow him to the room.
“I can say that Eren won’t be hard to spot considering who his travel companions are,” you comment.
“Well, we can’t waste fuel flying in blind,” Levi counters as he opens the door before Armin could.
As you walk in after Levi, you notice that Hange, Pieck and Lady Azumbito are already inside searching for the same information Levi is.
“Look at you,” Levi throws out to Yelena in disdain as she slouches in her seat. “You look pathetic now that your ape is gone.”
Yelena spares him a glance before looking back at the map. “Here,” she points to a spot on the map spread over the wooden table.
You pull the chair out for Levi and once he’s seated you lean over him to look.
“….Is most likely Eren's second target.”
“Fort Salta,” Pieck names before you could decipher the letters—“true. If he knew of the existence of weapons that had the slightest chance of harming the Founding Titan…”
“I expect that’s his next stop after Karifa Naval Port,” Yelena cuts Pieck off. “He’ll go destroy the airships.”
You sigh and lean back.
“You answered mighty obediently,” Levi interjects.
“I have a request for all of you,” Yelena shares and fists a handful of her blanket. “Please acknowledge something. Zeke was defeated. But he was right. The only solution to the two-millennium-spanning Eldian problem was the euthanization plan. I’m sure you can see that in the wake of this disaster.”
Even you have to admit that she’s right. As horrible as that alternative is for your future, for your peoples future, that plan would’ve been a thousand times better than what’s happening now.
“Yeah,” Hange agrees. “I admit it. I wasn’t able to show Eren any solution, or hope, or a future. I admit my powerlessness.”
You avert your gaze and quietly comment. “It’s not your fault. It seems he had made up his mind long before. Nothing to do now but stop him.”
Everyone stays quiet, but you know that they’re all in agreement.
“Anyway, if we’re done here,” you add on and walk around Levi’s chair to be in front of him. “Let’s get out of this room, yes?”
Levi narrows his glare on you for the way you speak to him, but he doesn’t argue this time considering there’s nothing left to do now that he has what he needs. Once you’re out in the hall he speaks up. “You should get some rest, Cherry, the flying boat won’t be ready soon, I’ll wake you up in the morning.”
You shake your head. “No. There’s things to do, like check my gear, I,” you sigh. “Can help them out there. Keep lookout.”
Hange pats your shoulder and contradicts you much to your liking. “Don’t worry your pretty head about that. We got that handled. But you haven’t slept since we left the forest, sleep, we’ll be around.”
Alone? Across the ocean? What if a Marleyean soldier sneaks in, what if colossal Titans come. You can’t possibly sleep now. So you turn them down again. “No. I’m okay. I can’t sleep.”
Hange turns their head to shoot you a pointed look, which is threatening for them considering when they look at you it’s never as serious. “Sleep, that’s a command. Levi will even accompany you.”
“Tsk.”
“I myself will come back and get you both. Swear.”
You look at Levi and then out the small circle windows on the wall of the ship to make sure that somehow someone isn’t looking in from outside. “Okay,” you whisper.
Hange shoots you a smile and a quick nod before they turn the hall and head out, leaving Levi and you to walk back to his room.
“Just,” you murmur once you walk in his room. “Leave all the lights on. And,” you add in a quivering voice. “Don’t leave.”
Levi meets your gaze to read your look, and doesn’t fail to see your utter terror that now haunts your eyes.
“Fine,” he agrees. “Just sleep though.”
You nod stiffly and sit on the edge of the bed to throw your boots off, climb in bed and try what they ask from you. Sleep. Which doesn’t actually long to take you under, your body and mind are exhausted so you fall asleep fast.
It’s peaceful, and for the first time in a long time it’s quiet.
At least it was for a moment because then a dream begins to infiltrate your mind. Albeit, this dream unlike the others is kind, sweet and nostalgic; you’re back home, not the barracks, home in that shitty apartment Underground.
You recognize the dirt street the moment the dream paints the picture. You recognize the damp dirt smell, you remember the fire lit street lights. It all looks so real, you even feel real, like somehow you got put there. But this time you aren’t young, you’re yourself, you’re even wearing your military uniform.
It’s scary real, but a relief from all the nightmares, the grief, pain, and destruction. You actually wish it was real….
Maybe the inside looks real too?
You break away from your spot and head to the house. And as you do, you then spot them through the window; Furlan and Isabel. They’re there, you see them talking and smiling. They’re home.
So quickly before any of it can disappear you break into a run and hurry home with a smile on your face, and tears in your eyes. When you make it to the door, you don’t knock, you just turn the knob and push the door in, seeing the candle lights travel out, and letting out the fresh smell of flowers that Levi liked to fill the house with so you wouldn't smell the stenches from outside.
You then walk in and expect to see Furlan and Isabel where they had been, but you then gasp and frown as you don’t see anyone, nothing but sudden darkness as all the lights go off.
“No,” you mutter and quickly turn to get out, but the door suddenly slams shut and even the lights from outside go off leaving you basked in pitch darkness. “No,” you breathe out, feeling even your breaths turn ragged whilst your heart and mind begins to race.
“My, my,” you hear a familiar voice taunt, “my Ackerman.” The doctor, you’d recognize his voice anywhere, anytime.
It’s just a dream though. It’s all a dream though, this is home. Home; comfort, relief, safe, nostalgic. It’s home.
It’s all just a dream.
You close your eyes to try to wake up and ignore the approaching footsteps. You lift your hand, and pinch your arm.
Hoping that worked you open your eyes—and now you see the room you were in before, you’re still on the ship. Levi isn’t here, but the lights are on, you’re okay. It’s all okay.
You let out a deep sigh and sit up to collect yourself.
“You thought you could run away, did you?” The voice cuts in again, making you snap your head up and look at the door. And there the doctor is walking in, no blood or injuries, just him and a straight jacket in his hand.
“No,” you snap out and crawl back to the wall. “Get away from me!”
He seems so real, he looks so real.
“Let’s go back home,” he says and begins to approach you. You try to crawl back more, but you then hit the wall and have nowhere else to go. “It’s where you belong.”
You shake your head and look up at the window, but it’s too small to escape out of.
“I said we’re going home!” He yells out and throws himself on the bed to grab your ankles.
You try to kick back, but he’s too strong he manages to pull you back.
“No!” You cry out and dig your nails on the matress. “No! Get away from me! I’m not going back! Let go! Let go!” He pulls you off the bed and then slaps his hands on your arms, making you jump and shut your eyes out of defeat.
“Y/N,” another voice mutters, and triggers something to break. “Y/N, wake up, open your eyes.” This voice is more soothing, this one is closer to you.
You shake your head and begin to cry. You can’t open your eyes out of fear that you wouldn’t see the man that’s calling out for you; Levi.
“You’re safe,” he whispers. “You’re safe. You’re with me. Cherry.”
You slowly peel your eyes open and see the bland ceiling, you move your fingers and feel the stiff mattress, not the cold floor. You’re afraid to turn your head, but you do it slowly and luckily see Levi with a worried look painted on his face.
“You’re okay. You’re safe. You’re not going back,” he assures you.
You let out a shaky breath and sit up to drop your head on your hands. Nothing changes now, he doesn’t leave either, he stays by you on the edge of the bed.
“I thought Hange and Mikasa were being dramatic,” he adds quietly. “I've never seen you like this.”
You sigh and lift your head to look at the white bland wall that brings nothing but more sadness. “It’s new, weird too. I can’t tell the difference between what’s real or not sometimes.”
“Can’t say I can offer much help with that, but you can ask me or anyone else,” he lets you know, causing you to blink and meet his gaze. “I’ll tell you.”
Tears fill your eyes and you nod slowly. “Okay,” you let out in a shaky voice. “Then can I ask one thing?”
Levi nods in agreement.
“This.” you whisper and avert your gaze. “War, we’re almost done. Is that real?” You drift your eyes back to him and wait.
Levi takes long to answer, but it’s not because he’s hesitant, it’s just hard. “Yes, one way or another, we’re almost done with all this shit.”
You let out a deep breath and nod. You want to just unload everything that Eren told you now that you’re sharing this moment with Levi, but you made a promise to Eren. One you’ll regret breaking if you do. And even if life has turned to shit, you can’t break that promise you made yourself about not regretting.
“Come on,” he encourages you and stands up off the bed. “Sun is rising, the flying boat is almost ready to go, we need to put on our gear.” He doesn’t hesitate to begin walking out, and you don’t take long to follow either. However, Levi does stop when you reach the end of the hall. “Clear your mind, Cherry, you can’t risk getting lost now. No matter how hard it is, don’t lose yourself in your mind, understand?”
“Yes,” you nod in agreement. “I understand.”
Levi opens the door, welcoming in the natural soft sunlight. “Good,” he says. “We need you. I do.”
You smile softly at that and can’t help but get all giddy. Even if it’s just a short moment.
The moment you make it to the ship's ramp your name is immediately called. “Y/N.”
You lift your head and land your gaze on Jean heading your way, so you smile even wider. He meets you halfway on the pier and immediately bombards you with concern. “You feeling okay? Did you get any sleep?”
Your small begins to falter and you shrug. “Some. What have you been doing?” You probe and walk towards the hanger by his side, noticing the gear he’s carrying in his hands. “Working hard?”
Jean smirks. “You know me.”
You scoff softly and nod before pointing to the gear. “Is that for me?” You meet his gaze and offer him a soft smile.
Jean glances down at it and nods. “Thought I could help you so as to not add strain on your wounds when you don’t need to.” He looks up and looks you in the eye, making you avert your gaze and tilt your head away to hide the scar on your face.
“You okay?” He asks without needing to be told anything, he knew by your look alone.
“Yeah,” you nod as you come to a stop so he can begin helping you. “Just tired…you know.”
Jean lets out a deep sigh and remains quiet as you know he stands there unconvinced. “You sure? You left in quite a hurry when you were so adamant on helping us.”
You meet his gaze and nod softly. “Yeah….” He can’t know. Him most of all.
Damn Eren.
“Okay,” Jean breathes out and finally begins to help you get your gear on. “Well you need to eat, so grab something after we’re done here.”
You hum in agreement and then let him help you get your gear on, you relish in his presence, find comfort in the warmth that radiates off him, and shiver at the feeling of his hands grazing your skin. However, as you’re holstering your weapons you catch your reflection on the metal, you catch a glimpse of the scar that ran from under your eyebrow up to your forehead, and all those blissful feelings disappear.
Out of all the scars you have on your body, this one on your face is the worst, not only because it’s hideous and ruins what you once cherished, but it’s also a ugly reminder of this war, of all the comrades you killed to get here, it’s the reminder of all the tragedy…
You let out a small sigh and holster your weapon, Jean steps back as he finishes helping you, and as you look ahead you catch the gaze of Reiner on you.
How long was he watching you? He looks like he has something to say from all the way over there too.
Was he watching you as you studied your scar?
Creep….
You look away first and focus on your boyfriend. “You need help?”
Jean shakes his head. “No, I got it. You grab something to eat.”
You offer him a sweet smile and nod, even if your appetite is lost. “Fine,” you mutter and begin walking past him.
Yet before you can leave his side, he grabs your wrist and pulls you to him to cup your cheeks and smile at you. “You look beautiful, you know that?” He says as if he knew what you were just being insecure about.
You sigh softly and offer him a wobbly smile.
Jean leans in and presses a gentle kiss on your lips before he murmurs against your lips. “We’re almost done here. For good this time. After that it’s just you and me. Just keep fighting, okay, sweetheart?”
Before you can dare to answer, Jean pulls you in for an embrace that immediately makes your chest feel heavy as tears fill your eyes.
Again, it’s like he can read your mind, you were in such desperate need of comfort that thinking of pulling away pained you. But you had to eat the dry ass ration food.
Once upon a time you actually liked eating them because it’s not something you had underground. It was a long time ago though, your tastes have changed, and this lack of appetite doesn't make this any more appealing.
“Hange!” You hear Onyankopon shout whilst you make your way to them after getting your food. “In about an hour, we can begin preparations for takeoff!”
“Got it!” Hange retorts and turns back around to face the group.
Once you finally reach them, they share their order so they wouldn't repeat themselves. “You heard the man. Each of you, inspect your gear.”
“Yes, Commander,” everyone agrees at the same time whilst they were all doing exactly that.
“Cherry,” Hange now directs at you. “You have everything handled?”
You swallow back the food in your mouth and nod. “Yeah. Jean helped me.”
“Good,” they nod.
Since jean said he didn’t need help, and the others can help themselves, you look to Levi to offer your help, but before you can even part your lips, you freeze as you notice his blade handle shaking as he’s trying to press the trigger with the two fingers he has.
He never was one to struggle before, not when you were a kid and not when you were above ground, so seeing hin strain, seeing that glimpse of his frustration as he tries hard to press that trigger, filled you with shock and pity.
“Two fingers is all I need,” he says as he finds the way to press the trigger. “I’m ready.”
He’d hate you feeling pity for him, so you shove all that away and let him be to continue eating. And since your friends are getting ready you stand back and wait for them to finish.
And just as they do finish, Hange and Connie yell out, “Annie!”
You shift your gaze to the boat and see her stopped by the ramp.
“Annie, take care!” Connie says.
Oh that’s right she’s leaving.
“See you later!” Hange tells Annie too as they wave at her.
You hold no grudges against her anymore so you shoot her a faint smile before you turn away again.
“To be honest,” Jean interjects. “I was relying on her.”
“But Annie has fought enough,” Connie adds, making you scoff.
“Haven't we all?” You counter and put the spoon in the can as you finally finish. “What makes her different from all of us? From her own comrades?” You ask.
Connie and Jean look at you and are unable to answer to your shocking response, so you continue.
“Nothing, that's what. She’s just running away, that’s just as bad as giving up,” you whisper that last part and break away from the pair to go sit on a wooden crate under the furious dawn painted sky.
You sit and hear them all in the hangar standing behind you, you find safety in hearing them work, hearing others talk as they eat, you sit and breathe in the fresh air, you sit and reach your hand out to watch the sunlight bask your hand. What would that little girl dreaming to come above ground think of you now? What would she think of the person you are now?
What do you think of yourself now?
So much comes to mind, but it’s hard to pick one specific thought.
“Taking in the sun, huh?” You hear someone interject behind you.
You pull your hand back to peer over your shoulder, spotting Pieck walking your way.
“While I still can,” you respond and watch her fall by your side. “It feels different when you’re not stuck behind walls.” You peer back to check if Reiner would be with her since it’s surprising to hear talk to you, but he’s not with her, he’s actually with the others. “Would you agree?”
Pieck nods. “I can actually say I can. It feels….hotter, richer, like it actually shines for you.”
You smile softly and nod. “Yeah.” You shift your glimpse to her and probe. “What about when you’re on Titan form? How does that feel?”
“Well being in Titan form feels liberating, for one,” she shares. “But when the sun hits I’d say it’s cold, like it doesn’t shine for me but the form I’m turned into. It’s perhaps one of the reasons why I don’t like being in Titan form for so long. I miss the sun.”
You smile down at your hands and retort after a moment of silence. “Well soon perhaps you won’t have to turn anymore.” You say and meet her gaze. “You won’t have to miss the sun.”
Pieck folds her arms over her chest and sighs. “You might be right. And from now on, regardless of the outcome with Yaeger, the walls won’t be a problem for you.”
You swallow thickly and avert your gaze to nod without actual sincerity because lately finding bliss under the suns light has been difficult.
“A month ago, in Marley,” Pieck interjects suddenly. “Why didn’t you kill me when you had the chance? I heard I was only inches away from death, so why didn’t you?”
“Simple,” you don’t take long to answer. “I hesitated.” You begin fiddling with your fingers and let out a deep sigh. “And well—”
Yet you don’t get to finish what you want to tell her because the sound of bullets being shot from in the hanger steals your attention, and causes the both of you to run over. That’s when you see Floch at the other end of the hanger with a gun in hand. You then barely manage to catch Mikasa hastily shoot out her grapple as she zips forward to stab Floch right through the throat.
It doesn’t seem believable at first, like, where the hell did Floch come from? Has he been around the entire time, lurking?
Yet you know it is real because well, it’s just everyone’s shitty luck so far, two, by everyone’s startled and panicked reactions, and three, why wouldn't he try so hard to fight until the bitter end?
Not like his end actually bothers you. Not anymore, perhaps once you would have been affected by his death once, but now, after seeing what he did in the name of freedom, of what he wanted, you don’t care that Floch is dying. It’s why as Jean, Connie, Armin, Mikasa and Hange run over to his body, you instead run over to Onyankopon.
“Onyankopon!” You call out as you reach him lying on the floor with his hands over his head. “Are you okay?”
He doesn’t seem to have been hit in any way from what you can see, thankfully.
Said man lifts his head and sits up on his knees, letting you grab his arm to help him to his feet. “You okay?” You ask again and examine him for any sign of fresh blood.
Onyankopon studies himself and shakes his head. “No,” he breathes out shakily. “No. I’m fine. Thank you.”
You let him go and offer him a nod.
“The flying boat,” he interjects and runs past you, making you turn to watch him approach it and check it out for any new defects. And since he’s blocking your view, you walk to where Levi is under the hanger to look at the flying boat better.
Alas, that’s when you catch the sight of bullets on the flying boat. Yet you don't know where exactly.
“Hange!” Onyankopon yells out when he notices the same thing. “There are holes in the fuel tank!”
Your breath catches in your throat as your eyes widen.
“We can’t fly like this,” Onyankopon says.
“Don’t lose hope,” one of the Azumabito tells him when he approaches Onyankopon. “If we cover the holes, we can make it work!”
“Get the wielding tools!” Someone else orders their comrade.
You get closer to the flying boat and squint your eyes on the damaged part, and even if they’re small little holes, they still did enough damage.
“How much will it take?” You ask the men out of curiosity.
“With tin plates, we could do it in an hour, barely,” a man answers you.
An hour? No, that's too long. Way too long.
Yet before you, or Hange right beside you can rebuttal, the ground beginning to shake steals all the words out of your mouth, and the breath out of your throat.
It can’t be…
“This sound,” Hange mutters.
“Don’t tell me,” Reiner yells out before he runs out of the hanger.
You stand there frozen in your spot feeling the ground tremble beneath your feet, hearing the echoes of loud stomps on the ground hit like lightening. There was supposed to be more time, you were supposed to have more time!
You snap from your stupor and run out to join the others outside, catching the thick clouds of smoke that already cover the horizon. You swear you can already feel the heat too, but maybe that’s just an exaggeration. The one thing you do feel is more shock and fear as you now see the titans marching your way.
“Armin,” Mikasa interjects through the shocked silence that was spread over your group. “Do you have any ideas?”
“Only one,” he says. “I stay behind and slow them down.”
One of your greatest friends, and best assets to ending this war? No. Hell no, not him. Going out there means certain death, everyone knows that; everyone has to.
“It can’t be you,” Reiner quickly rebuttals. “You’re our sole trump card for stopping Eren. I’ll do it.”
“And I’ll help,” you volunteer without a single doubt; you’re fast, and whether you want to admit or not you do make a good team. He’ll need you.
“What?” Jean quickly protests and grabs your shoulder. “It can’t be you!”
You snap your head back and part your lips to argue, but Hange then cuts you off as she joins the group. “That’s obviously not the play. We can’t afford to expend another shred of Titan power, or lose Ackerman strength. I’m the one who led you this far.”
No….
“And we killed many friends and comrades to get here,” Hange continues. “I'm taking responsibility for that.”
Not them either. It can’t be them either….
“Armin Arlelt,” they add and walk past you to reach said man. “I hearby designate you the 15th Commander of the Scout Regiment. The position calls for a certain quality. A mindset of continuously pursuing understanding. There’s no one more suitable than you. I leave everyone in your hands. Well, that’s that. See ya, everyone.” They just throw it out as if nothing. As if they aren’t sacrificing their lives!
“Wait,” you whisper, but it’s not loud enough.
“Ah, yes,” Hange adds one last thing. “Levi’s your underling now, so really put him to work.” They continue to walk down the pier with nothing else to add, with nothing to tell you, not even a glance to the other scout they’ve known the longest, the one person they raised. Hange just walks off.
“Wait!” You yell out and walk a few steps forward.
Hange comes to an immediate stop but doesn’t look back. “Don’t make this hard Cherry-girl.” They say to the air. “You can’t stop me, you know you can’t. It’s for your own good. For everyone’s own good. I’m giving my heart.”
You shake your head and swallow back thickly the lump that begins to form in your throat. “Let me come,” you plead softly. “Let me help you. Let me give my heart and give you a chance to see this through. Please,” you beg and take another step towards them. “You deserve to see this through. Please…”
Hange shakes their head. “I told you that I can’t spare Ackerman strength. It has to be me and me alone. Leave on that flying boat that’s an order.”
An emotional weight falls on your chest that makes it ache, and a tight sharp grip wraps around your heart that makes it bleed as you know that there's nothing you can do to change their mind.
“Please,” you plead one more time in a shaky voice.
Hange exhales and keeps their back turned. “I said no. Who would I be if I let you come with me? Huh? Fight and live your life for me, for all those we lost, okay? Promise me.”
As to not break their own heart by not responding, you nod. “I promise,” your voice breaks.
Hange nods and then continues to walk away, only stopping to share a few words with Levi that you can’t hear over the pounding of your own heart, over your own disbelief that begins to fall more and more each second.
You don’t even want to accept their….sacrifice though, the fact that you’ll never see them again. You try to play it off as some silly dream, a cruel dream actually. You close your eyes and open them again in hopes it is just a stupid dream, but no the titans are still approaching, and now they’re actually flying off. They’re leaving….
You can’t deny it no more.
“No!” You cry out and try to run out after them. You lift your gun to shoot your grapple to chase after them, but before you can get far with Armin, Mikasa and Jean who run after them down the pier, arms then wrap around you and stop you. “No!” You fight them off through thick and hot tears. “Let me go! Hange! Hange!” You call out and try to desperately reach out for their retreating figure getting smaller and smaller in the sky, but those strong arms stop you from moving.
“Hange!” You cry out as loud as you can so you can they hear you, even if you yourself can’t see them anymore with the cloud of tears that cover your eyes. “Hange!”
“You can't stop them,” you recognize Reiner’s voice. He’s the one who’s holding you. “You have to let them go.”
You shake your head and sob out, you grow weak by the fact that your heart was shattering more and more. So weak in fact that you can’t even hold your weight so you fall to your knees, and Reiner falls with you.
“Please,” you mewl out even if they can’t hear you anymore.
You then wipe your eyes to try and see them fight off the Titans, but Reiner then holds the back of your neck and turns your head away so you wouldn't see.
Which is actually good, you probably couldn’t see their last moments, you couldn’t be strong enough to watch them…die. So since Jean isn’t here and Connie is too captivated by Hange’s fight, you clutch onto Reiner and bury your face on his shoulder, and keep crying out for yet another lost comrade, friend, and family. You just play the memories you share with them over and over again, you just hear the sounds of the titans falling, but don’t look.
“It’s sealed!” You hear someone shout from the hangar. “Start fueling! Hurry! Hurry!”
“Come on,” Reiner mutters and begins to pull you back. “Let’s get you on the flying boat.” He grabs your arm to help you up, and without holding your anger, your hate or grudge against him you let him help you back to your feet. You let him walk you to the flying boat, and let him help you inside so you could keep not seeing and only hearing.
“They’re right on top of us,” someone shouts. “There’s no more time for fueling! Start the engine!”
Losing comrades, friends, family should be dealt with ease now since you’ve experienced so much loss in your time of living. Knowing death, feeling its vast emptiness every time it takes someone else shouldn’t hit you as hard, but after losing them your grief only gets worse and worse each time. This time you can’t even handle that sharp ache that radiates all over your chest, you can’t even feel your heart.
“Push through fuselage forward!”
They push the flying boat out of the hanger, you see the light hit you, but you keep your eyes averted from the small windows to avoid seeing them die.
“Launch the ship!”
And with those last words shouted out Jean is the last one that jumps in before the door closes behind him, blocking that tragic view, that last view you could’ve had of Hange. The boat then flies off and you close your eyes and rest your head on Levi’s shoulder to not watch your own friend's grief. Not this time. You can’t even handle your own.
“So long, Hange, watch us,” Levi mutters to himself.
You stay quiet and just assure yourself of one last thing, Hange was a hero, a brave hero who gave their heart. You will too.
.
.
.
.
Tagged- @expectoscamander @greenygreenland @that-soft-lesbian-friend @dai-tsukki-desu @usernamehere91 @avocadopoosae @romancried @victor-criss-bish @moo-moo-meadow @stareatceiling @padfootii @ravensleepyeyes @thanosisadilf @dawneee @babyyblueey @leahseclipse @ifimnotabushimnoone @luvelyxp @ameliabs-world
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whattheheckmidoriya · 2 years
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Hello. I have a Levi Ackerman x femreader request in the canon universe where the reader is bullied quite badly by other cadets and Levi notices and eventually begins to step in and save her time after time. Preferably where he's a cold Captain and treats her like every other cadet but he doesn't want any cadets out of line so he saves her until they eventually become closer and develop some sort of a mutual understanding. Angst, fluff, hurt/comfort would be much appreciated. Hope that's okay. Thanks :)
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Trust and Respect
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Description: Coming from the Underground, you were no stranger to the hardships of life. Becoming a Scout, you thought your days of fighting for a fair chance were over, but you found yourself in the wrong. Thankfully, there's someone in your corner who understood what it's like.
Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Reader
Warnings: Acts of violence, Bullying, mentions of blood and injuries, mentions of past starvation, literally some Scouts being absolute jerks
Word Count: 2,632
Author's note: Thank you both SO MUCH for your patience! I decided to merge your requests since they ran with similar concepts, and I had a fun time working in this! This one is a bit different from what I usually write, but it was a fun challenge! I hope you enjoy!
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"Everyone," Called the Captain, cloudy eyes narrowed under the glow of the afternoon sun. "Take five for water and meet me by the courtyard when you're done. Don't be late." He accentuated each syllable, leaving little to no room for arguing.
You huffed a breath of relief as your sprint came to a slow jog, numb feet carrying you to your canteen— a treasure under the treacherous heat of summer. It's been nearly a year since you joined the Scout Regiment, only a few months since you were handpicked by Captain Levi himself to be a member of his squad. Most would think that, since both you and Levi came from the Underground, that the Captain would've taken a certain liking to you— find a piece of familiarity within you, but there were no favorites when it came to his squad. The notorious Captain certainly made sure to treat all of his subordinates as equals.
It was nice, actually.
Back in the Underground, you'd fight tooth and nail for a fair chance, but now? Now you had a stable roof over your head, food on your plate and a superior who, in his own way, cared deeply for his team. Perhaps dying for the people who'd subjected you to a life of poverty and famine made you an idiot, but you'd proudly fight alongside the ones who pulled you from the dirt.
Training never seemed so bad, especially when it was just you and the other members of the Special Ops squad. Unfortunately, when other parties got tossed into the mix, things always turned a bit rough for you.
 Wiping your brow, you twisted the canteen open, lifting it to your lips. Before you could drink from it, a hand slapped it out of your grasp, letting the container clatter to the dirt as its contents spilled, soaked up by the earth. 
"Oh, didn't see ya there, mud-sucker," One Scout sneered, feigning innocence. "Though you shouldn't be standing around in everyone's way like that, so move." He shoved right past you, knocking his shoulder against yours, making you stumble a few steps back. He snickered, earning a few hollers and slaps in the back from his friends.
You blinked, not even attempting to snap back. The Captain and his squad might've received you with open arms, but not everyone was happy about some scrappy person from the Underground joining the regiment. It was to be expected. Peering down at your fallen canteen, you snatched it from the ground, frowning at its newfound lack of water. It only had enough for a single, miserable sip.
If you had more time, you could've ran off to the mess hall for a quick refill, but time was short and the Captain was waiting; you had to make do with what little you had. Taking a sad swig from the canteen, you jogged down to the courtyard where Captain Levi and some other Scouts were waiting. Upon arrival, you gave the Captain a respectful nod, one that he returned in acknowledgement. 
"Ass-kisser," One Scout coughed once the Captain was out of earshot, loud enough for you to hear. They clicked their tongue the moment you turned to face them, raising a brow at you in a silent challenge. "What? Got something to say?"
You merely took a deep breath, fingers fluttering anxiously by your sides. People stared, bored their gazes into you, waiting for your move. However, when you simply shook your head and faced forward, their whispers of anticipation boiled into disappointed mumblings. 
The Scout behind you chuckled humorlessly, smacking you upside the head. "That's what I thought." 
"She thinks she's all that just because she crawled out from the same dirt hole the Captain did," Another remarked, tugging at the back of your collar, making you jump. "I bet she doesn't even know how to read."
Others laughed, tossing in their two cents on how the Regiment seemed to be taking in any street rat nowadays— especially after accepting someone like you. 
Life in the Underground never gave you anything for your efforts other than a sunken stomach and a knack for thievery; you knew your former reputation would bleed into the surface, glimmer under the sun and follow in your shadow. It was no surprise people were cautious around you, but you had hoped that it would've all been forgotten and faded by the claws of time. 
You were clearly mistaken.
"We're working on hand-to-hand combat today," Captain Levi's voice cut through the chatter, quick and sharp, effectively silencing any and all muttering Scouts. "Partner up and start sparring. No playing dirty." He warned, stepping under the shade, crossing his arms over his chest.
"You're coming with me," The Scout who had knocked down your canteen grinned, clawing at your shoulder with his nails as he dragged you over to the training grounds. He shoved you away the moment he stepped back to stretch, popping his joints in an overconfident taunt.
Without warning, you found yourself dodging hits directed at you, maneuvering away from the fury of swinging fists and ankle-shattering kicks. He was fast, you could give him that; still, he failed to land a single hit on you. You've seen these moves before, they were nothing too fancy. Coming from him, they were a bit sloppy, actually. 
"Fight back, dammit!" He cursed, a furious fist failing to make contact with you. Huffing, he faked a right before twisting left, but you easily stepped out of the way, leaving him to stumble over the momentum of his own actions.
You've only been maneuvering out of his way— dodging clumsy attacks with agile ease. Quick, precise, light on your feet. Those were the reasons Captain Levi had chosen you for his squad; he needed someone who could match— or even rival his own speed on the field. You just so happened to be the one who could do just that.
As he stumbled, you quickly dropped to your toes, swinging a leg beneath him and jumping back up as he fell on his back. A grunt seeped through gritted teeth, dust and dirt alike puffing into the air as the Scout crashed. You almost smiled.
Shock quickly morphed into rage within the Scout's gaze. Pouncing back onto his toes, he tried landing a hit with desperate attacks, his uncoordinated offense gave you more openings than necessary.
A punch to the jaw, an elbow to the ribs, a good military-grade boot to the back. Poor cadet was angrily gasping for air, each breath more ragged than the last. In a beat of distress, as the cadet once again collapsed to the ground, he dug his fingers into the earth, tossing a handful of dirt into your eyes before you could process what was happening.
"Shit!" You hissed, trying to blink out the muck from your eyes. 
Taking advantage of your temporary blindness, the Scout tackled you to the ground, pinning you down as he straddled your hips. "You should've stayed in your hole in the ground," He whispered venomously, beating down on your jaw with his fist. "I'll just put you six feet under— make you feel right at home!" 
One hit, then another. You gasped for air, your head snapping to the side as another fist smacked against your face. At this point, still blinded and in desperate need for oxygen to reach your aching lungs, all you could manage was to shield your face with your arms, hoping to soften the blows even just a bit.
"Hey!" One voice boomed, hanging in the air like a promise of thunder. In an instant, the hits ceased, the weight pinning you to the ground lifted from your throbbing figure, accompanied by a loud thud and a pained grunt. "Are you malfunctioning, cadet?!" You recognized that voice anywhere, it's unwavering authority far too familiar. Levi seethed as he stared down at the Scout, tightening his jaw at the blood coating the boy's  knuckles. "Take a hike— you'll be running laps around base until I get tired."
You winced, sitting up as the cadet scrambled off into a sprint. Wiping at your nose, a curse fell from your lips at the crimson residue that stained your fingers. 
"(L/N)," Levi kneeled by your side, thunderous eyes narrowing furiously at the blood smeared across your face, though softening under the gaze of your bruised eyes. "You're filthy," A smile threatened to curl his lips as you gave an annoyed huff. "You're done for the day, let's get you cleaned up." He called off the rest of training, leaving the cadets to their own devices before turning back to you. He offered a hand.
Accepting his outstretched hand, you found yourself grateful for his steadying hold on your back, guiding you carefully as you stumbled along. "Thank you, Captain."
Levi only hummed, wincing at how your words slurred. He made sure to hold you a bit closer to his side. 
The walk went by in a blur, your head lulling onto the Captain's shoulder. Only did you perk up upon recognizing the wooden door before you to be that of the Captain's office. Carefully, he unlocked the door, kicking it open just enough to guide you through the threshold.
"Captain?" you called, grimacing at the incoming headache that drummed at the back of your skull.
The Captain only turned after settling you on the couch tucked neatly in the corner of his office. A beat passed with no response; all he did was reach for his first aid kit before sitting next to you. Sorting through the kit, he neatly set aside everything he needed before carefully wiping at the blood staining your bruised cheeks with a cloth.
"Why did you let it go this far?" He only met your gaze for a flicker of a moment, returning to the task of cleansing your face. 
You gaped at him, pulling your brows in questioning. "Excuse me—?"
Tilting your head upward by your chin, he carefully dabbed the cloth at your split lip. "You're a respected soldier, (L/N)," Scarred fingers traced over the bruises darkening over your face, flinching away when you hissed in pain. "So why would you let that idiot treat you like horse shit?"
You snickered. "Respected?" A bitter smile tugged at your lips. "Really? No offense, Captain, but you're not as sharp as you seem." 
"(L/N)..."  A warning hung onto his tone as he looked away, grabbing at the bandages he'd put over split skin. 
"You're the Captain Levi, sir," you sighed, turning your face away from him. "Me? I'm the idiot who got lucky enough to be swiped up from the mud by the Regiment. You've earned their trust and respect, but all I've gotten is pummeled and humiliated for months! I'm shocked you even noticed that back there." A dry laugh rumbled through your chest. He frowned.
That would explain the scratches and bruises that were always fading from your skin. Levi could punch his face in right then and there. Something always told him you weren't as clumsy and careless as you had been claiming to be. How could he be so naive, so ignorant? 
"You've become a legend amongst the Scouts," You hated the way your voice wavered. "I've only become a punching bag for my fellow Scouts. If the Titans don't kill me, I'm sure one of the other cadets will." 
Guilt bubbled up deep within the pits of his stomach. He should've known better— should've kept an eye out for you. Even he, in his first months with the Scouts, experienced a good handful of threats and beatings. The sun was a beautiful thing, but the price you'd pay for living under it was nothing but cruel.
"I'm sorry," Levi mumbled, wringing his fingers together. The urge to punch a whole in the wall boiled in his veins. "As your Captain, I should've paid closer attention to what was happening. I shouldn't have allowed it to go this far— I shouldn't have allowed it to happen at all." 
You shook your head, finally meeting his gaze again. "Captain—"
"Levi. Just Levi," he interrupted, running a hand through his hair. Gunmetal eyes searched your gaze. "My trust and respect is something you earned long ago. When it's just the two of us, there's no need for formalities." 
Eyes wide, you stared at the man before you, clamping your mouth shut. Hesitation twinkled in your eyes before you steeled your resolve. "Levi…" The name was sweet on your tongue, rolling off it in a mere breath. 
Levi ran a heavy hand over his face, sighing deeply. He hoped it was enough to cover the soft tint that dusted his cheeks. All he could do was clear his throat, offering a short nod. "You deserve as much respect as anyone here, (L/N). Where you're from doesn't change that."
Something in the ghost of your smile made him crumble. You didn't reply, not immediately at least. Even after he'd finished cleaning your cuts and littering your face with bandages, you remained silent, and he could only wonder what thoughts swirled behind that faraway look in your eyes. 
"Cap–" you cleared your throat at the pointed look he shot you. "Levi," you corrected yourself quickly. "I appreciate the reassurance, but I don't think many others here agree with you." 
The glimmer of defeat in your gaze tugged at his heart, painfully and desperately, pulling a breath from within him. His stomach clenched. All this time, he hadn't known the cause of your aches, of the scratches and bruises that always seemed to taint your skin. Now that he did, he felt sick. It nagged at him— how blind he'd been to something happening just outside these very walls that housed you both now. 
"They'll have no choice but to agree," he finally spoke. A promise lingered within his tone, firm and reassuring. "This is the last time this will ever happen." 
Part of you wanted to scoff, to roll your eyes and counter his declaration, but you just stared at him, quietly searching him for a hint of a lie. You found none. You then realized Levi Ackerman had a look; a certain way of making his eyes speak in times when he knew his words would fall short. Gunmetal eyes melted into something soft and genuine, full of a concern so foreign but so familiar all at once. What a beautiful thing to find within him. 
He watched you carefully as you slumped back into the couch cushions, letting your shoulders drop in exhaustion. A sapling of calm sprouted in his heart as you gave him a tired smile— he cherished the way it tugged at your lips and puffed your cheeks ever so slightly. In a beat of boldness, he dared to place his hand over the top of your head, huffing in amusement as you sank into his touch. 
"Take however long you need to rest here, alright?" His voice came in a hushed breath, careful not to spook you as he watched your eyes flutter heavily. "You like tea? 
"Mhm," you hummed, tired. He smiled. 
"Okay," he whispered, hesitation squeezing his chest before he pushed himself off the couch. Carefully, he draped the throw-blanket he always kept around over your shoulders, nearly running out of the room soon after to hide the vibrant flush of his cheeks. 
As he got everything ready to start on the tea, your soft snores wafted through the air, making his heart flip in his chest. Levi could only shake his head as he smiled. Perhaps you've earned something other than just his trust and respect, something soft and gentle that scared him to no end. 
Perhaps… that wasn't a bad thing. 
🏷 Levi Ackerman taglist
@leviackermanmyhero245 @violet-19999 @celestair @ms-sin-city @ghostly-haunted @andrastesbeard @ikisstoga @izukus-gf @Bluetima @Lemonboi69
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solciego · 9 months
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Retrouvailles
Summary: They had exchanged letters throughout the years. What started as simple updates on their lives and adventures on the continent gradually turned into intimate confessions and thoughts they shared only with each other. Memories of their last letter flooded his mind, and he wondered what it would be like to see her after all this time. Or, Jean reunites with Mikasa after three years. [Ao3]
The atmosphere is unusually silent. Jean stands at the edge of the ship, his gaze lost on the horizon. The gentle sway of the waves seems to reflect the flow of his thoughts. The cool wind caresses his face as he allows his thoughts to overflow.
Three years have passed since the devastating event of the Rumbling. During that time, Jean has traveled the world, exploring new lands, cultures, and people. He has seen rebuilt cities and wounds that have not fully healed. He has encountered intriguing women and shared fleeting moments with some of them. He feels grateful to be alive and to have had the opportunity to travel and contribute to building a better world. But he also feels guilty. Guilty for leaving his mother behind, for not being there to protect her. Guilty for the deaths of those entrusted to his care, lives he was forced to take in devastating circumstances. Guilty for not being able to do more to prevent the suffering and massive destruction.
As the ship approaches the main port of Paradis, memories of the past accumulate in his mind. He recalls the day they uncovered the truth about the Titans and the burden they all carried on their shoulders. He remembers the bravery and determination of his friends in the fight for freedom. He remembers those they lost along the way. But in every encounter, one persistent thought lingers in his mind.
Mikasa.
The main reason for their return is to fulfill some tasks that Queen Historia had entrusted to the rest of the Alliance. They knew significant changes were happening in Paradis, and their role was crucial in rebuilding a better future. But if Jean is honest, his main motivation to set foot in Paradis again was to reunite with his mother, and deep in his heart, he couldn't help but think about Mikasa and what it would be like to see her again after so long.
They had exchanged letters throughout the years. What started as simple updates on their lives and adventures on the continent gradually turned into intimate confessions and thoughts they shared only with each other. It became something meaningful. Through the written words, they discovered a bond that only they understood. Although Jean's return was not directly related to reuniting with Mikasa, his heart stirred with excitement at the possibility of seeing her once more. Memories of their last letter flooded his mind, and he wondered what it would be like to see her after all this time.
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Pillow Talk with Levi Ackerman BOOK I : Kuchel
Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Reader
Themes : hurt/comfort, canonverse, romance, established relationship, Levi and reader are married, late night conversations, deep conversations, reader wants to know more about the most important people in Levi's life.
Warning: none
WC: 1155
A/N: Hi ya'll, i guess i'm back ? Slowly but surely i'll try to write again.
PILLOW TALK WITH LEVI ACKERMAN BOOKS :
I Kuchel
II Kenny
III Hange
IV Erwin
V Farlan & Isabel
VI Mikasa
VII Eren
Right when your head hit the pillow, you looked at Levi through your locks sprinkled all over you, and asked a question that was burning your lips for the longest time.
"Levi ?"
"Hm"
"Tell me more about Kuchel"
Even if the only source of light present in the room was only a veil of moonlight, you still caught the small sparkle in Levi's eyes. It only lasted for a second before disappearing as fast as it had appeared.
He didn't look at you and kept inspecting the ceiling, his hands knitted together ontop of his chest.
"I don't remember much about her to be honest"
You listened carefully to the words your husband just uttered while hugging your pillow tightly, a habit you always did to comfort yourself.
Neither one of you ever brought this subject to the table. Levi would sometimes mention his mother when relevant to a conversation, which was once in a blue moon truly. He would never go further than saying her name or a quick fact about her, he would never open up to share much about that time. Tonight, strangely enough, your curiosity begged for a little more.
You thought Levi wanted to keep his mother's memories to himself, wanting to seal them away from everyone, including you. This made you feel like you were being denied access to an important part of his life that helped shape his being. Tonight, you understood that this was untrue.
He didn't want to keep his mother a secret from you, he just didn't have enough to tell you about her.
"Was she...kind ?" You asked, tugging at the delicate silk covering your pillow, a bit hesitant to look him in the eyes, since you felt this was a touchy subject.
"I guess she was, i don't recall her being disgraceful or violent towards me. Even when she was at her lowest, she always looked after me."
"I think i would have appreciated her a lot" You whispered to the pillow.
Levi hummed in response. He was never one to talk much, not in all that time spent at the military and not even after you two confessed your feelings to each other and decided to settle down together. Getting him to talk about his feelings was like extracting diamonds out of a mine. Difficult but very rewarding.
"Why do you ask about her now ?"
The question caught you off guard.
You wanted to know what kind of person he grew up next to, when exactly did he raise this wall so high that even you, his wife, could not break through it sometimes.
It wasn't that Levi wasn't open with you, you're probably the only person he opens up to the most and the only person he allows to peek into his vulnerability.
You asking about his mother was completely genuine, you thought that getting him to talk about his mother would somehow get you closer to him and vice versa. You loved Levi so much you always searched for ways to get more entangled with him, be it through his past, the present or both of your futures. You thought digging out this piece that belonged to his past would make him truly yours, as silly as this might sound.
You tried to paint a face, tried to imagine what his mother would have looked like. What Kuchel would have looked like. You imagined her sharing the same thin eyebrows as her only son, the same delicate features adorning her face. You guessed he inherited his dark hair from her, imagining her brushing her long black locks.
For some reason, you imagined her doing that alone, in the corner of a gloomy bedroom is some abandoned brothel. Your heart scrunched at the thought. Levi being brought to life in such an environment made you sad, resentful, even.
He deserved better.
What did his father look like ? Did he get his short stature from him ? His uncle Kenny was tall, so maybe Kuchel was too. Was his father nothing more than a “client” to his mother ? Is that all he was ? A fleeting person that appeared out of nowhere and left behind him the most valuable human being inside the walls ?
For a second, you felt hatred and disgust for his progenitor. You hugged your pillow even harder, refraining to share that feeling with Levi.
Your mind even wondered to the night (or day) Levi was conceived in before you forced your mind to go back to more proper thoughts.
This man, so strong and respectable, had an inexplicably hard life. Sometimes you were in pure admiration of how he got himself out of the gutter. This man could have gone so wrong but somehow decided not to.
You wondered If Kuchel was still alive, how your life would have been different. Would you and Levi go visit her at her home, somewhere peaceful, maybe in the countryside ? Would she make you tea knowing how much her son loves it ? She'd have a special way of brewing it, just the way Levi likes it, the only way Levi likes it. She'd give you the secret to preparing the beverage because she'd want you to make your husband happy and because she apprciates you too.
For a moment, you could almost smell the scent of Kuchel's tea, feel the kitchen's air being filled with the sound of the tea brewing, you could smell the perfume in her hair as she turned around to fill your cup, of her dress's fabric…
You felt the weight of the mattress shift next to you, almost tearing you out of your reverie. Levi just got closer, his scent suddenly more present, you couldn't help taking it all in. Man, you loved him so much.
All those years spent together as comrades, high ranked commanders and then finally, spouses, had made you unbearably attached to the man, but more on a spiritual level. You two survived every catastrophe that was thrown your way during your service in the military, before and even after everything collapsed, this had to be a miracle.
He held you closer to him, and you took in the scent of his fabric.
"I just want to know more about you" You said softly
"I think it's better to leave the past where it is" He said before pausing.
He seemed to pounder for a moment, as if trying to find the right way to end the conversation and never have you ask about her again.
"My mother was a good woman. I loved her dearly"
You tightened your hold on him, those words moved you in ways you wouldn't be able to describe.
"I love you Levi" you said before starting to doze off slowly, peaceful with Levi's modest confession.
Asleep, you didn't feel Levi's fingers brushing your locks aside to whisper to your temple.
"Kuchel would have loved you too".
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writer-kermit · 2 years
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ᰔᩚ SENSUAL BITING & LICKING PROMPTS ᰔᩚ
ᰔᩚ PART 1 ᰔᩚ
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❧ PAIRING: (JEALOUS)EREN YEAGER X READER
❧ NO. 1,10,11
❧ GENRE: SMUT
❧ REQUESTED OR SELF MADE: SELF MADE
❧ WORD COUNT: 466
ᰔ KERMIT'S NOTE: If you would like to request three numbers for your prompt, go here! ᰔ
ᰔᩚ WARNING!: NSFW, SENSUAL BITING, TEASING, LICKING MDNI ᰔᩚ
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“Eren..” You moaned. “We can’t.. We can’t do this–haah… Here.. Wh-What if we get caught?” Eren Yeager peaked his eyes up to you, his hand still gripping on your leg as he bit down on your inner thigh hungrily.
“So what? If they like it then they probably might stay and watch.” He replied, licking at the bite mark right before kissing it again. You probably might be asking “what’s going on?” or “where’s the setting or context?” right about now. Apologies, let’s fill you in.
Eren’s “frenemy” Jean Kristein, was complimenting you during the school. Your giggles at his responses motivated him to keep going to spite Eren, and it worked–perhaps a bit too well. Later that day Eren texted you during your free period and asked you to meet him inside the gymnasium closet. When you got near the door, Eren pulled you in and sat you down. Now that you’re all caught up, let’s continue with the story.
You let out another soft moan as Eren continued kissing up your legs until he met out your face. “What Jean said really pissed me off, he knows that I like you.” You smiled and cupped Eren’s face. “Baby, he’s just doing it to make you mad. We both know how much I love you.” “I know babe. Fuck..” He cursed. You tilt your head with confusion. “What’s wrong Eren?” You asked. “Nothing.. It’s just that you're so fucking cute…”
He leaned forward to kiss you, his tongue grazing the bottom of your lip. You only smirked and playfully denied, only edging Eren to go further with you. He sternly squeezed your thigh and you let out a gasp. His tongue slid inside your mouth, kissing you roughly as his hands wander around your body. His left hand slid down your pants, tendering at your sex. “Ahh! Nnn.. Eren.. Not there…” You whimpered, clenching your thighs together.“Aw.. Don’t lie babe… You know you want this–”
“What the HELL is going on here?”
A voice said as the door swung open. Janitor Levi Ackerman and professor Hange Zoe were outside of the closet. “I told you giving them a free period wasn’t a fucking good idea.” Levi groaned, gripping at his broom. Your face flushed into a shade of bright red, but Eren only smirked. “What’s wrong? You like what you see?” He mocked. “Um kinda, but we are gonna punish you guys for this.” Hange replied.
The two teachers marked their words. You and Eren were both stuck in “in school suspension” for the rest of the week since that day–seperated of course. You thought you were never gonna mentally recover from this, but Eren certainly thought it was all worth it to get revenge on Jean.
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