✨badtz maru nail art✨
wanted 2 practice more hand painted nail art n sanrio characters r always fun
((using dusty rose collection from Born Pretty + liner brush for glitter smile line))
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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astarion studies because i can never get the bastard’s face right
(my boyfriend also contributed)
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Dc x dp prompt #45
Danny is no stranger to curses, he’d been on the receiving end of many.
Being cursed into a doll and thrown through a natural portal was new though, and very much not enjoyable.
When he was thrown out of the portal and into a dark attic, he thought he’d finally be able to calm down from the initial shock and get home to fix this.
And he might have, if not for his powers not working.
And there were a lot of footsteps coming too close for comfort, so he decided to take a page from Toy Story, stay as still as possible and hope these people didn’t visit the attic regularly enough to notice a random porcelain doll the size of a toddler. Yep, totally an easy thing to miss.
—
The Wayne Manor’s attic was a disaster.
With as many kids that have lived there, it was filled to the brim with old keepsakes, toys, and weapons.
Every year or so, the family would all make a game of sorts out of it, cleaning the attic. They’d keep what they didn’t want to part with, restore weapons they had renewed interest in, and donate most of the old toys.
This just so happened to be Duke’s first time doing it, and Dick and Tim already warned him about some of the stuff in here, like Damian’s weapons and Jason’s book collection that didn’t fit in the library. No one told him about the glowing marionette puppet looking doll though.
Well, technically it wasn’t glowing, but it was glowing to him, and considering it was coming from some creepy doll?.
It only took his siblings to agree that they’ve never seen it before for him to decide that, no, he was not cleaning the attic today. He’d rather never see that doll again, thank you.
So why on earth is Damian carrying it with him to dinner like it’s an actual child.
—
(Pose ref. used is by mellon_soup on TikTok and Patreon)
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