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etherealhoneybee777 · 1 year

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The Tragedy of Teru: An Unnecessarily Long Thesis

I’ve seen some people ask: why the sudden change in Teru? Why did he suddenly go from a total menace who was okay with choking Mob to unconsciousness to a good guy/best friend type whose moral axis now completely revolves around Mob? I’ve seen some people claim that Teru’s redemption was so sudden that it’s unconvincing.

I don’t think the redemption was a sudden shift in Teru’s character. Actually, it’s the most natural progression for him. Consider Teru’s life circumstances. His parents completely abandoned him with no remorse. It wasn’t even because of Claw, they were just “busy” and moved overseas. He has no one to look after him at home. His relationships at school are largely superficial. He probably has severe attachment issues because of childhood neglect. He has no connections, no one truly rooting for him.

It’s an extremely shitty situation—but Teru convinces himself that he’s okay. In fact, he’s better than okay. He’s doing great. He’s doing the best because he’s better than everyone else—he has psychic powers, he’s popular, he’s talented in pretty much everything. Why would he need people to love and care for him when he has everything else “average” people dream of?

And so Teru’s entire emotional state revolves around a shaky thesis: that he’s better than everyone else. The main character. Main characters don’t need families. They don’t need love and support. Teru’s too superior for those things. And he HAS to be superior, because if he’s not, if he’s like everyone else, then he has to acknowledge the facts: that his parents left him, that there’s no clear cut purpose for his life, he’s completely alone, and there’s nothing he can do about it.

If Teru’s the main character, then trauma and abandonment are just part of a tragic backstory---necessary hardships that will pave the way for all the great and superior things that Teru is destined to do. Whereas “average” people don’t have tragic backstories. When “average” people are abused and abandoned, it’s not part of some epic tale. It’s just sad. If Teru’s average, then the trauma is meaningless. Purposeless.

And the weight of that is just too much for him to bear.

And so he dates girls he doesn’t like, and he cheats on tests, and he wins at sports, and he runs a gang. And he copes. For a while, it works.

And then it doesn’t.

Enter Shigeo Kageyama.

Mob’s existence rocks Teru’s world. The idea that there’s another natural child esper as powerful as him shatters his core belief that psychic powers made him the main character. Not only that, but Mob withstands all of Teru’s attacks, and refuses to fight back--a move that Teru finds insulting.

When Mob insists that psychic powers are average, and that Teru’s average, Teru is enraged. (“You’re the only one who can make that point. And that’s why your very existence pisses me off!”)

Finally Mob puts the nail in the coffin: “You and I are the same. We both have no self-confidence.” Up until this point, I believe that NO ONE has genuinely seen through Teru like Mob does, or, at least, they didn’t point it out. Mob sees Teru for who he is: a sad and insecure kid with no real connections. And THAT’S what makes Teru put him in a chokehold.

In a move of infinite kindness, Mob refuses to use his powers against Teru. Only when Mob is knocked unconscious are his true powers revealed. Teru then sees how outmatched he was from the very beginning, and how intentional Mob’s pacifism was towards him.

Teru did nothing but try to hurt Mob, but Mob refused to hurt him back. This is probably the most intentional love and care Teru’s received in a long time.

It’s a turning point. Because here’s the thing about Teru: he latches on to any gesture of genuine kindness and holds onto it for dear life. Mob’s kindness is enough to make Teru completely reject his old ideals.

Teru’s emotional state depended on the idea that he’s superior, but now that this belief has been dismantled, he needs a new life purpose to fill the vacuum, something else to distract from the loneliness in his life. And Mob has given Teru a new purpose: to be a good person. A kind person. Teru wants to be Kageyama’s rival—not in terms of psychic power—but in terms of kindness. (That’s why Teru claims to have won against ???% even though he’s clearly overpowered. He was talking about winning a contest of kindness, about repaying the kindness Mob showed him when they met by refusing to use his psychic powers to hurt ???%---even when ???% was hurting him).

So, Teru’s new purpose: kindness and doing good for the world. It’s a good purpose to have. And Teru is good at being kind. He risks his life to fight Claw just because he cares about Mob. He takes down Claw’s splinter organizations all on his own. He fills in at spirits and such for probably negligible pay when Mob trains for the race. He gives advice. He practices intentional humility (sometimes). He always says thank you.

And, of course, he puts his life on the line to stop ???%’s rampage and get through to Mob. He almost dies to save every last civilian.

Teru is good at being good. He is the type of person who spins every stray thread of kindness he receives into gold. He multiplies every rare gesture of love tenfold. It’s a beautiful example of how the human spirit can withstand so much neglect and agony and evil and still come out good in the end. Teru’s name means “brilliance,” and his whole character is about shining a brilliant light into the darkness that surrounds him.

As much as I’d like to believe that’s the whole picture, it’s not. There’s a darker, sadder side to Teru’s redemption

Don’t get me wrong, I believe that Teru cares about his friends very much and is a genuinely kind and good person. BUT that’s not the only reason he’s kind and good. I believe that Teru is so obsessed with being good/putting Mob on a pedestal because “being good” is his new coping mechanism.

See, his coping mechanism before was being superior and having refined psychic powers. But, since Kageyama dismantled that, he found a new purpose: being good. And he uses the pursuit of being good to distract from his empty apartment, neglectful parents, and lack of personal connections.

And isn’t there something so utterly heartbreaking about that? Think about Teru single-handedly taking down all of Claw’s splinter organizations. Think of him spending constant hours refining his psychic powers to be able to beat the bad guys. Going into the forest to meditate to “improve” himself. Training the awakening lab kids. Working out until he is more ripped than any 13-year-old should be. All of it, he probably enjoys, but is it not also a distraction? Is he doing these things solely to become better or also to busy himself and fill the days? Anything to not be by himself, tiny and alone in an empty apartment with strange noises and the bleak reality that there is no one, no one who will even know if Claw sneaks into his house and kills him.

Teru is a tragic character. At the beginning of the story, he is a menace who is completely alone. He is then redeemed. He orients his life towards being good--and gains some meaningful connections, but at the end of the story, Teru is still functionally alone most of the time. Though they care for each other very much, Mob and Teru don’t really hang out in canon. (Fanbook) They’re not even on a first name basis. Teru comes by Reigen’s office sometimes, but not often. He still has no one at home to care for him.

At the end of it all,—months and months later—Teru still has to ask for the occasional hang out with Mob. He is sipping tea sadly when Mob talks about his friendship with Tsubomi, jealous. And then he will go home to an empty apartment, alone. There is no one to take care of him when he is sick. There is no one to discipline him, or tell him “no,” or to prepare him for his first date, or to help him apply for college.

And doesn’t that go against the usual abandoned child narrative? Where the abandoned and neglected child ends the story with so many deep connections and so much love pouring into them that they can barely breathe? Where is that love for Teru? He is doing everything right. He is repaying all of the love and kindness he has ever received, so why is he still alone?

Teru never talks about any friendships besides Mob or adult influences besides Reigen. I truly believe Teru is still relying on his sparse interactions with Mob and Reigen to stay afloat emotionally. And he’s not used to kindnesses---when Reigen takes him to the amusement park, he’s overly thankful (”Reigen-san, you went to all this trouble”) And Teru literally idolizes Mob for the kindness Mob has given him. But this is kind of heartbreaking too.

No child should have to subsist on stray inklings of love and support. Love should not be a limited resource. One of the reasons that Teru treasures kindnesses so much is because he knows that gestures of love towards him are few and far between.

It’s no life for a kid. Teru should have a support system that gives him so much love casually that he’s not afraid to let it slip through his fingers. He shouldn’t have to be overly thankful for kind gestures, he doesn’t have to say “you went to all this trouble,” after someone takes him on a fun summer excursion. Teru should be loved so much that he forgets to say thanks. Love should be an expectation, not just a treasure.

Maybe this is why I’m constantly reading fics where Teru is adopted or where he spends a lot of time with the Kageyamas. Because in canon (especially manga canon), Teru’s ending is incredibly tragic. I really love the way ONE wrote him, and I’m not complaining about the ending---I think it’s great. But I want to see this boy happy. There’s something so sad about someone who loves so much but never gets what they deserve.

But fanfiction exists! So write him having happy moments. Write Teru at the water park. Write Teru being hugged by Reigen before his graduation. Write him planting a tree. Write him having his first kiss in the rain. Write him going to cosmetology school and becoming a hairdresser. Write Reigen saving up for Teru’s college fund.

Write Teru experiencing all of the love and joy and beautiful things because he deserves them. I will read all of your fic just put it in my inbox. I will do anything to see this boy be loved.

#mp100 #mp100 spoilers #mp100 hanazawa #hanazawa teruki #teruki hanazawa #sorry some of this might be headcanons and not canon but I tried #sorry for the length I wanted to procrastinate at work #really I just want more teru fics #please just give this boy a family #let him be loved

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thronestarot · 8 months

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𒅒Pick a Reading: What’s Being Hidden/Blocked from You? 𒅒

(Make sure you check out a note for the collective at the end of this post!)

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-Those who chose this pile are quite literally blocking their blessings at this time.

I feel as though you’re afraid to let a cycle come to a close. For most, I feel this concerns a relationship. I do want to make it clear that this does not necessarily indicate a breakup. There is, however, a need to change course regardless of what your situation looks like. Whether this be an upfront conversation about your feelings/intentions, or simply moving on from a past relationship, I’m picking up on some very hesitant and anxious energy when you’re thinking about your next steps. Change is scary and uncomfortable. I feel that you’re strategizing and overthinking too much as a means to either avoid facing the issue by pushing it back/avoiding making the necessary changes, or you’re afraid that you may make the wrong move. There are no wrong moves to make when your concern is your highest good/what is in true alignment with you. Ultimately, you’re blocking yourself from what’s “behind the door” so to speak. You’ve blocked yourself from opportunities that will propel your soul’s growth into full speed. The thought of that can be intimidating, though. Sometimes we would much rather stay in a place that feels familiar and predictable, even though it isn’t serving us. If your intuition is telling you to make changes in your situation or to let go of it all together, listen to it and trust yourself. You are actively being guided into a much more fulfilling and abundant phase in your life. For those of you who feel the need to make themselves small or who have been keeping quiet so as to not rock the boat or cause any disruptions in a relationship/at work/with family or friends, speak up and use your voice! This is a friendly reminder that you can be assertive and not be an asshole. You are allowed to speak for yourself. You are allowed to express what you think and feel. Standing in your power is key at this time. If you feel you have lost yourself/your voice/control in a situation, remind yourself of who you know yourself to be. Stand in your authenticity and speak your truth. This is key in unblocking what is truly meant for you!

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-Some of you may be dealing with a masculine energy with some dominant air sign placements. Regardless, this person feels flighty as hell. I feel that, intuitively, you already sense that things are a little off-kilter with this person. Before I go on, I want to make it clear that intuition does not equal anxiety and it is important to understand the difference. Intuition will come to you with a sense of clarity and you’ll feel contentment within that. Anxiety will just add to your confusion. This feels like a situation where someone is avoiding coming forward with some sort of truth. This could be an apology for some of you. You’ll know this because they are either beating around the bush, seem anxious when you’re around them/talking to them, or are just flat out avoiding conversation with you all together. They seem to be avoiding coming forward with a truth about themselves and what they’ve been dealing with internally. There’s a lot of anxiety and restlessness. They haven’t been able to ground their thoughts which makes it difficult for them to verbalize what they’re experiencing at this time. It’s not that they don’t *want* to provide clarity, they’re just unsure of their approach. I’m feeling that they’ve been over-strategizing to the point of paralysis. I do see them coming forward as they’ve been struggling to carry the weight of what they’ve been keeping to themselves. They know they can open up to you as you’ve proven to them that you’ll always be there for them, but there’s also a struggle to show up in a vulnerable state. There’s a fear of not coming off stronger than maybe you perceive them to be/what they think you perceive them to be. This energy does have some romantic implications, but I also see this being a falling out with a friend or family member who you know who has had a lot on their plate recently.

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-I feel this group is dealing with an underdeveloped connection. Perhaps this is a new energy you’ve attracted into your life or you’re dealing with some back and forth vibes with a person you have some history with. Regardless, this connection is a big ass question mark. This is giving major situationship vibes and y’all have no idea how to navigate things at this time. What’s being hidden from you are the actual intentions of this person. I’m getting heavy mirroring energy here. The person you’re dealing with has no idea how to approach you, you have no idea how to approach them. I’m hearing “walking on eggshells” which indicates to me that there’s something y’all are actively not wanting to bring up, or you’re worried that the other person will bring it up first and vice versa. I’m also hearing, “I can’t read your mind.” I feel like this is what you’re saying to each other. There is an energy of wanting to solidify things, but also hindering yourselves because of other unknowns external from your connection (location, financial status, career/school, etc etc). This would be a good time for you to really get clear on what you want out of this connection, and your life outside of it. If you feel that pouring into this connection will be too draining or you’ll have to sacrifice balance within your own life, you may need to reconsider. Either way, there absolutely needs to be a conversation between you and this person where everything is out on the table. The walking on eggshells and/or game playing is blocking you from leveling up in your own life. Don’t feel that you need to rush this, though. Allow yourself to meditate on things and get clear within yourself first!

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A note for the collective:

All of these reads were very much focused on the head/heart space. I feel that collectively, a lot needs to be released mentally and emotionally in order for the collective to level up into the next phase. Venus retrograde and the upcoming mercury retrograde has a heavy influence on the head and heart space as we’re being invited to tune in and really get clear on what we want/what needs to be released in these aspects. I understand that there might be some impatience/restlessness. An eagerness to move on already. I get it. For real. But I really do think that things are feeling “stuck” for a reason. It’s okay that things aren’t moving as quickly as you’d like. Trust in God’s timing, babes.

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DM or email me: [email protected] for personal readings:)

#pac #pick a card #reading #spirituality #tarot #tarot reading #spiritualguidance #pick a reading #tarot cards #tarotcommunity

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xiaomainlmao · 1 year

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"Your Scars are also Beautiful" - Vil Schoenheit x gn! reader

Tw- self-harm, insecurities, nudity (without sexual intentions)

Just a sh comfort fic with Vil

A/n- very self-indulgent because I'm insecure about mine (and yet, still have the urges), I want nothing more than to be acknowledged despite my past decisions.

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"Oh there are a lot of things I feel nervous about when it comes to my bare body." You laughed, finding Vil's question to be quite amusing. After all, who goes asking people about what they think of their own naked body?

A very self- conscious model apparently. Your very self-conscious model.

"Well first off," you stated matter-of-factly, "my thighs feel too urm big?"

"Your thighs definitely look very squishy, but I don't think it's necessary for you to just suddenly loose all that fat." Vil replied, his thumb prodding at his chin to show he was carefully picking his words. "In fact, they look so squishy I find it a little cute. Be careful, I might end up using your thighs as a pillow some day." He chuckled at his own joke, causing you to roll your eyes before letting out a chuckle of your own.

He probably would end up doing that though.

"Well moving on, I'm scared of my bare back, because I can't see it. Sevens know whether or not my back has some weird spots, or marks or whatever." You said shaking your head, not knowing whether you conveyed the message or not.

Vil just chuckled again. "Darling I hardly doubt that there could be anything weird there if you haven't done anything. Go on, what else?"

"…well again I am insecure about my thighs." You softly laughed, but he caught the way your eyes went from seeming amused to looking a little sad. Even if you were smiling, there was certainly something serious about this particular thing.

"Why so?"

"I happen… to have certain scars there." Came a meek, hesitant reply from your side.

Vil's could feel his breath hitch. He paused, then went over to the door and made sure it was locked before sitting down on a chair and urging you towards him.

Two steps forward, but you didn't go over to him.

"Love, can I ask you to strip?"

"Huh?"

His gaze didn't falter. Vil looked you in the eyes, not showing any hesitation.

"Isn't… isn't that a bit…"

"Please trust me."

You stared at him for 2 minutes, before hesitantly nodding and taking your clothes off, left only in your underclothes. He beckoned you over, patting his thighs. "Sit."

You spread your legs to wrap them around him when he stopped you. "Laterally, I just want to hold you."

You settled yourself between his legs as he held your hips to help you balance. After a moment of hesitation, you leaned into his chest, sighing at the warmth. Listening to his rapid heartbeat. The heart can really tell you how the person feels about the situation, no matter how calm you look.

Usually, looking at someone undress can turn people on. But despite the proximity between you both, Vil didn't seem even slightly aroused. You looked up to see him. He was looking down at you, holding you as gently as the gentle smile adorning his face.

When you looked comfortable enough, Vil let his hands roam your body. Using his index, he traced your hips, feeling it curve underneath his touch. He went lower to trace the underside of your thighs, before slowly moving upward until he he stopped at your scars. Slowly, he started circling them, humming in acknowledgement.

The bumps left behind by the cuts were already prominent visually, and now he could also feel them, physically and emotionally.

He sighed directly in your ear. "You don't have to tell me anything about them right now, though I do wish to know about it at one point. However, whether I know the reason behind why you did this or not, if you ever have the urge to do it again, just come to me yeah? I'd gladly postpone my shoots to comfort you."

You lifted your legs up to place them both at the edge of the chair, to which Vil responded by placing his hands between your thighs and calves, letting you curl into a ball in his lap.

You felt Vil sigh into your hair. "If I could move, I probably would've gotten you those oils on my table. Massages not only help relieve tension in muscles, but can also soothe your mind by calming you. All this while also making sure your skin is in good condition." He thread his fingers through your hair, combing it with one hand while still holding onto you with the other.

The warmth, the softness of his hand, the gentleness of his touch... all of it was so comforting.

Vil felt you shake a bit as you let out croaked sob. "If you want to cry, feel free to. We're in the comfort of my room after all." He held on tight. His hands alternated between threading through your hair and massaging your legs.

He shuffled a bit, before picking you up bridal style and laying you both down on his bed. His hands found your face, as he gently wiped a tear away with his thumb, his lavender eyes softly holding your gaze. Then you felt him pull you closer to him, allowing you to get comfortable in his warm embrace.

"It's okay. I'm right here, and will be here all night, for you."

#vil schoenheit #vil x reader #vil shoenheit x reader #vil fluff #vil x you #vil twst #twisted wonderland #twst wonderland #vil x reader comfort #gn reader #twst x reader #disney twst #twst x you

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kyronymph · 1 year

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Seclusion

Konig x Fem!Reader

Category: Slowburn; Smut

Warnings: Violent imagery in beginning.

Tags: Size difference, Giant dick, Asking consent, Blowjob, Eating out, Missionary, Doggy, Gentle and Hard fucking, Praising, Aftercare. Codename: Raptor for y/n

Notes: My first ever fanfiction. Heavily inspired by my current playlist lol And of course my undying love for this giant hunk of a man. I'm open to criticism as this is my first time writing! It's slow at the beginning on purpose, but you can always skip to the end for the spicy stuff! Hope you guys enjoy <3

“HQ do you copy?” Konig radios in. “Copy. You’re clear to move forward. You have execute authority.” “Copy. Konig Out.” You watch as the giant switches from relaxed to laser focused. From your short time on the team, you’ve noticed his ability to adapt perfectly to any situation. He looks over at you and your teammates, confirming you all are ready to go. The five of you head towards the snow-covered forest clearing slowly, crouching to avoid detection. The mission is to gather intel on illegal weapons distribution by the United States Government. Konig signals you and your teammates to go into position. While they keep guard, you head into one of their tents and look for the laptop. You find it quickly and plug in the hardware to begin downloading the necessary files. All goes well until you hear Konig over the radio, “GET OUT OF THERE NOW RAPTOR!” You can hear the slightest hint of panic in his voice. You know you need to leave now, but the download is nearly finished. You take the chance and wait for the download to finish.

A gunshot rings out and you hear a thud nearby. The ice cold realization that a teammate has been downed hits you instantly. Gunfire is erupting all around as you watch the meter count down. “Come on, faster damn it!” you mumble angrily at the device. A shuffling sound comes from the tent entrance, startling you. One of the Americans found you and is pointing a pistol at you. You stay still, trying to think of a way out. If you grab for your gun, you’re a goner. You don’t know much English, just German and Russian, so talking your way out is out of the question. You put your hands up, thinking being captured is better than being killed here. Just as you raise your hands, the American falls to the ground as if his puppet strings were cut. Konig, with his silenced pistol pointing where the soldier’s head was, stands at the entrance of the tent. You mark the look of relief in his eyes as he sees you unharmed. “Let’s go, now” he says firmly. You nod, but turn to grab the device. Better some intel than none, especially with how badly the mission has gone so far. Heading out of the tent you see two of your teammates laying on the ground, blood pooling under their lifeless bodies.

As you make your way out of the encampment, backup for the Americans shows up. “Fuck” Konig grunts. He instinctively puts you behind him. You’ve never been this close to him so you’ve never experienced this protectiveness. “When I say go, you run. Got it?” he says to you without turning. “I’m not leaving you Konig” you reply desperately. “I need you to get out of here, please.” His tone is soft, he sounds worried. You’re stunned and confused as this comes out of nowhere. “Please Raptor,” he begs. You nod. The Americans go to surround the three of you. “Go” he whispers. Without hesitation, you sprint for the nearest trees. At that moment, he begins spraying down Americans with your teammate.

You nearly make it to the treeline when you feel something hit your shoulder. Your shoulder goes slack and a hot pain shoots through your body, but you keep running. One of the Americans must have gotten past Konig. You start to panic but will yourself to stay calm and think. Your knowledge and quick thinking is why you got on this team afterall.

The snow shows your footprints, as well as the blood trickling from your shoulder. You spot a small stream, so you get up and start running for it. The American spots you and lets off another round. This one hits you in the thigh, causing you to fall hard into the icy ground. Panic sets in immediately, knowing you have no way out. The American comes up to you and laughs. He says something in a mocking tone, but you don’t know what it is. You’re laying on your back now and he stands above you. He takes his gloves off and cracks his knuckles on both hands. You brace yourself as he straddles you and begins punching you in the gut, then the face, the chest, gut again, face again, and so forth. The metallic taste in your mouth is strong. He could be doing worse things, you think to yourself.

As you lay there, being beaten, you nearly lose consciousness. After God knows how many minutes you hear a rage-filled scream. The American stops and turns to the sound, and you can see his face drop in pure fear. It’s Konig running full-speed at the American. The American tries to make a run for it but he’s too slow. Konig grabs him by the back of the neck and slams him on the ground. He then flips the soldier and begins beating his face. You can hear the crunch of bone each time his massive fists make contact. “Don’t ever fucking touch her again!” he screams as he punches the American. The soldier goes limp, but you can still see his chest rising and falling. “Wake up, I want you to feel this,” Konig says with what you can only assume is a smirk under the mask. You can see the pure murderous intent in his gaze. He slaps the American until he gains consciousness. Then he picks him up by the throat. With his 6’10”, heavily built stance, he has the soldier dangling far off the ground. Both hands wrapped around his neck, he squeezes and you watch as the soldier claws at Konig’s hands. After a few minutes the soldier goes completely limp. Konig lets go and he falls to the floor with a heavy thud.

Konig turns to you and you watch as his gaze instantly switches to worry. He runs to you and falls to his knees. He opens his jack and rips two pieces of fabric from his under shirt. He ties off your thigh and tries his best to cover your shoulder wound. He covers you in his massive jacket and picks you up effortlessly. “You’re going to be okay, I promise.” He runs for a while, not showing any sign of exhaustion. “Where’s Jaeger?” you ask weakly. “He’s gone too.” Konig says without an ounce of sadness. Resigned, you lose consciousness.

When you come to, you’re in what looks like an old office. You try to prop yourself up but pain shoots through you. You look at your shoulder and thigh and notice clean bandaging. Your mind immediately jumps to Konig. You look around the small room and see no sign of him. Ignoring the burning pain, you get up and limp out of the room. You exit the office and see him sitting at a makeshift cooking pot situated in a large open room. Some old machinery litters the place but otherwise there’s plenty of space. Konig hears you and turns, getting up instantly to pick you up. “You should be laying down,” he says, looking down at your face. That hint of relief shows in his blue-grey eyes again. You take a moment to admire his eyes, given it’s the only thing you can see and you’ve never been this close to him. While fully conscious at least. You catch yourself, feeling your cheeks heat as he stares at you intently. “Let me get you something comfortable to lay on at least” he says as he gently places you on his seat. He walks into a second office and emerges moments later with a few couch cushions and a thick blanket. “That's all I could find, I’m sorry.” Apologizing? The American must have knocked a few good ones into you. Konig NEVER apologizes to anyone. Not even our higher-ups. He must have realized what he said as he turns his head to the side quickly. “I, um, I made us something to eat. I went out and only found a few squirrels. Eat as much as you want, I will take what is left.” Konig says rather quietly. You oblige and start eating, but leave a full squirrel for the giant.

“Thank you for taking care of me Konig” you say with full gratitude. This is probably the most you’ve talked to him at any point in time. He usually keeps to himself and only says what needs to be said. Given the circumstances, it might not be too weird though. Konig turns to look at you and you see his eyes soften. You feel the blood rush to your cheeks again. You turn away out of embarrassment. “I will always look out for you, Raptor,” he says softly. His voice is beautiful. Not one you would expect from a man of his stature. “I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable” he says shyly. He seems so out of character. Konig is not known to be shy or nervous. Closed off, but not shy. What happened to the big, cocky, murder-happy brute? Konig sees you thinking and decides to move closer to you. He sits down on the cold concrete floor, knees tucked to his chest.

You turn to look at him and he turns to look at you. “At least sit on these cushions if you want to be on the floor” you say in a joking tone. He looks at the cushion and then back at you. “I’m too big” he says matter of factly and turns back to the fire. You feel as though a blush crosses his cheeks, but you can’t tell with that damned mask on. “What do you look like under there anyway?” you say casually, trying to keep the conversation going. He keeps his gaze on the fire as he says “probably not what you imagine I look like.” “Hmph. Take it off then and let me be the judge of that” you say playfully. Now he turns to look at you. “You won’t like it. I rather not” he says with a defeated tone. What happened to this man, you wonder to yourself. “If you don’t feel comfortable that’s alright” you say genuinely. His gaze softens, making you blush. That goddamned look. You feel butterflies in your stomach, more so than you have ever felt with any man or woman. “Are you good with personal questions?” you ask. “No,” he grunts back. “Alright well I’m bored so I’m gonna ask anyway” you say with a big smile. Konig looks at you with that soft gaze again, and you swear you can see a smile in those beautiful eyes of his. “Have you ever kissed anyone?” you ask shyly. You look down at your hands to hide the heat in your cheeks. “Yes. Have you?” he replies. Shocked that he actually answered, you look back up at him. “Oh really? Who? And no I have not” you say with surprise. “Some girl in high school” he answers shortly. You catch him take a quick look at your lips. “How would you feel being my first kiss, Konig?” you ask boldly. You have no idea where this confidence is even coming from. He might not usually be shy, but you definitely are. Konig’s eyes widen and he turns to the fire quickly. He’s definitely blushing under there now. “I uh, I don’t know” he says softly. You look at him and slump a little. Pain shoots through your shoulder but you ignore it. The perceived rejection is enough to focus on. Konig turns and sees your disappointment. “No, no I didn’t mean it that way Raptor. I just… no one likes me. I’m meant to be alone. I hurt everyone I try to get close to. I don’t want to do that to you too. I don’t mind sitting on the sidelines and watching you live your life. As long as it’s a good one” he says solemnly. “You’re not meant to be alone Konig, that’s bullshit. Everyone deserves to be loved. Yes, even you, you big goof” you say tenderly. He looks at you with that soft gaze and you swear you could melt. He says nothing as he moves closer. “Raptor, no one has ever been so kind to me as you. Even before today, you have always shown me kindness and warmth. You’re the only one who isn’t afraid of me or what I can do. I have loved you from afar ever since you joined our unit” he speaks to you softly. “I just haven’t said anything because I was afraid you would laugh or be disgusted.” “WHy would I ever be disgusted by you, Konig?” you ask as you stare into his eyes. Without another word he gently cradles your head in his giant hand and lifts his mask with the other. You take a second to look at his face. He’s on the paler side and has sandy brown hair sticking out from under his helmet. Eye black covers around his eyes, and slightly onto his nose. You can still see his light colored eyelashes and brows through it. His nose is on the larger side, but not wide, and has a bump on the bridge. It’s slightly bent to the left, likely from being broken in a fight. His lips are full but not overly large, and a gorgeous pink. His jawline is sharp but his overall face has a soft look to it. And of course, those beautiful blue-grey eyes of his. He looks at you and leans in for a kiss.

He’s gentle, so as not to hurt you and your injuries. His lips are soft velvet on yours. You love the taste of him, the warmth of his mouth on yours. You lift your good arm and grab the back of his head. The kiss begins to turn more ravenous, his tongue finding its way to yours. Although it is your first kiss, it feels natural. He acts as a guide. You move a bit and wince at the pain. He immediately stops kissing you and looks at you with concern. He looks down and notices the wound opening on your thigh.

Worried, Konig runs to grab fresh bandages and some water. He cleans your wound and bandages it. He caresses your face gently and then leans down for a forehead kiss. “I think it’s best if you get some rest” he says softly. You oblige, even though you rather be doing other things. Damn you, American, you grumble in your head. Sleep comes fast once you lay down fully. You dream of Konig, and all the things you want him to do to you.

The next morning you wake, and see Konig laying on the cold concrete next to you, asleep. You look at him laying there, mask back on, and he begins to move. His eyes open and lock onto you instantly. “Good morning Raptor” he says with a smile in his eyes. “Good morning Konig,” you say back. “I know you’re still in bad shape, but we really need to contact HQ. Do you think you can work on that?” he asks, worry written in his eyes. You know the worry is for your well-being. “I feel better, I can handle it” you say confidently. “Alright. I will go hunt for some food. If you need anything, radio me. And I mean anything” he says with that soft look. You smile and nod at him. He turns to grab his gear and head outside. You begin working with the minimal equipment Konig was able to scrounge up from god knows where. With the equipment available this will probably take some time.

A few hours later, Konig returns with a doe slung over his massive shoulder. The deer looks deceptively small slung over his shoulder, but as he gets closer you see just how big it is. This man makes everything look small. You wonder what you look like next to him and blush. “What are you thinking about Raptor?” Konig asks with the hint of a smirk. The question snaps you out of it and you reply, “Nothing, just trying to figure something out.” “Mmhmm” is the only reply you get back.

Konig begins his work on the deer. Despite his massive hands, he’s extremely precise and delicate. You watch him work, his muscles working in his strong forearms. Blood clearly does not bother him. The warm crimson liquid covers his hands. He’s surprisingly efficient with the deer’s carcass. Every cut is precise and thought out. You leave him to his work and continue on yours.

Your work has you entirely focused, Konig has to remind you to eat and rest throughout the several days it takes. Your wounds are healing quickly. You can walk and lift things, though there is still some pain. Konig does most of the heavy work for you, even though you insist on doing it yourself. After a while, you get a makeshift signal enhancer up and ready. You attempt to radio to HQ but get no response on the other end. Defeated, you get up and move to the fire. Konig is cooking up some of the deer meat you have left. It needs to be eaten today, as the snow can only preserve it for so long. Konig turns to look at you. “What’s wrong Raptor?” “I got the radio enhancer up and running but I’m hearing nothing back from HQ. I know they probably need to verify some things and make sure it isn’t a trap, but it’s still frustrating” you say in an irritated tone. “It’s going to be okay. We will get out of here one way or another. I promise” he says with that soft look. You look at him and smile, knowing he speaks the truth.

This is the first time you’ve had some time to relax since working on the signal enhancer. You sign and tuck your knees to your chest, wrapping your arms around your legs and resting your head on your knees. You hear Konig move closer to you, and then you feel his arm wrap tightly around you. “So, uh, did you want to talk about that kiss at all…?” Konig asks shyly. You lift your head and look up at him. He’s so massive next to you, your mind jumps immediately to the thought of him above you. You blush hard and look away. “It was amazing” you say wholeheartedly. “I’ve been thinking about you these past few days. I did not want to bother you though, seeing how focused you were on your work” he says quietly. He lifts his mask and you see the heat in his face. His eyes dart to your lips and back to your eyes. The look makes you blush even more. “Oh yeah? What exactly have you been thinking of, big guy?” you ask playfully. Before he can respond, you get up and settle yourself in his lap, facing him. He chokes on whatever he was about to say and his face turns a bright red. You feel his already massive bulge get bigger and harder under your weight. You look down with wide eyes, shocked at the sheer size of him straining against his cargo pants. He lets out a small grunt. Without question he grabs your face, gently, but with ravenous lust. The kiss isn’t gentle this time. He kisses you ravenously, wanting to taste every inch of your mouth. Your tongues tangle and spar, only parting for a moment to catch your breaths. He pulls back and stares at your bruised lips. “This is what I have been thinking about,” he says with a lust-tainted voice. He picks you up and moves you to the office, kissing you on the way. He seats himself on the couch with you straddled in his lap. You feel his hot cock press into your wet heat through layers of clothing. Having never been with someone, you second guess yourself. Will you be able to handle all of him? Konig senses your thoughts shift and stops. “Is everything okay? Are you uncomfortable? We can stop right now, I will hold no grudge Raptor” he says with nothing but pure love and concern in his gaze. You smile at him and say “I appreciate that so much Konig. I want to keep going, I’m just worried about you, uh, fitting I guess” with a huge blush. “Oh” he says with a glance down at his straining bugle. “I promise to be gentle, and we stop whenever you say the word” he says, followed by a kiss on your forehead. “I would never wish to hurt you, no matter how badly I want to be inside you” he says with that cocky grin you know so well. That’s all you need as you get back to tasting his sweet lips. You bounce slightly, trying to rub that ache between your legs. He rocks with you, hands on your hips, savoring the pressure.

You pull back and look at his gorgeous eyes. Then you look down at the massive bulge sitting under you. You slide down from your straddling position and sit yourself between his legs. You lift a hand and move to unbutton and then unzip his cargo pants. You feel the strain lighten a bit in his soft boxers. He lets out a little grunt at the extra space. You start rubbing him up and down gently, then sliding your hand down and cupping his balls through the fabric. You roll your fingers and play with them. Konig lets out a little whimper. You look up at him and smirk. Your fingers find their way to the band of his boxers and pull them down. You let out a small gasp as his full length comes free. If you had to guess, he’s 11.5 inches with a girth between a redbull can and a soda can. It’s absolutely massive and Konig can tell what you’re thinking about. “You’re just big all around huh” you say while staring at his length. Konig chuckles at that. You grab his cock at the base and move your mouth to his tip. He’s uncut, but with how hard he is, his pink tip is peeking out clearly. You lick the underside of his tip up to the slit. “Fuck” Konig grunts at the feeling of your warm tongue on his cock. You stroke his cock gently at the base as you continue teasing his tip. After licking up several beads of precum, you close your mouth around his head, continuing to work his tip with your tongue. Konig grunts and runs a hand through his hair. His other is gripping the couch’s armrest tightly. You slowly work your way down his cock, taking as much in your mouth as you can. You’re careful to keep him from cumming, you want this to last. As you work his cock, his hand travels to the back of your head. He grips your hair but doesn’t force you down. You enjoy the feeling of his fingers in your hair, his warmth seeping from his palm. You pick up the pace and put more pressure with your hands. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum” Konig grunts with a low voice. The hand gripping the couch squeezes the fabric, ripping it. You feel him pulse and start emptying into your mouth. He rocks his hips forward with each throb. You hear his sign as he lets out the breath he was holding. The cum spills out of the side of your mouth, running down his length. You swallow what’s left in your mouth.

Konig grabs you gently and sits you on the couch, the seat still warm from his massive body. He pulls you forward by the legs, sliding your cargo pants off. He spreads your legs and stares hungrily at your wetness. He looks up at you with that ravenous look in his eyes. Then he moves his face down to your core. His tongue swipes from bottom to top, slightly lingering on the bead at the top of your core. He circles it, then teases it gently with his tongue. You grab his hair and push his face into your center. He stiffens his tongue and enters you. You let out a soft moan. You feel him smirk at your pleasure. He pulls his tongue out and teases you again. “You will cum for me” he says with a grunt. With that, he slides one of his fingers into you. You arch your back at the filling feeling of just one finger. He licks and teases at your clit while he thrusts his finger in and out at a steady pace. He’s careful not to change his rhythm, as you get closer to climaxing. He keeps going until you grip his finger and pulse as the release washes over you. He chuckles, saying “good girl” while he stares at you with that seductive look.

He stands, towering over you as you lay on the couch. Konig walks out of the office, returning with the cushions by the fire. He lays them on the floor, then walks over to you, and offers you a hand. You take it and he pulls you up effortlessly. He bends over to kiss you. “Are you sure you want to keep going?” he asks genuinely. You let out a breathy “yes” and that’s enough for him to take you over to the cushions and lay you down. He stares into your eyes with a look that is nothing but pure love. He kisses you passionately, tangling your tongue with his. He pulls away and moves down to your center. He tastes the sweetness of your cum one last time. Then he moves up and hovers over you. Konig guides his tip to your entrance, teasing it by rubbing his head up and down your core. He stops at your entrance again and slowly pushes into you, looking at your face the entire time. You groan at the sheer size of him. “That’s my good girl” he says in a breath. He lets go of his cock as he slowly pushes into you, then out, progressing further with each thrust. You grab at his tensed forearms, feeling his muscles. He groans with each thrust deeper into you. “Fuck, you feel so good on my cock baby girl” he moans as he thrusts. You grip hard onto his cock as he fills every inch of space you have. Once he’s fully in you, you feel your stomach stretch slightly. Looking down, you can see the bulge of his cock in you. You whimper at the filling feeling of having him inside you. Konig starts speeding up with his thrusts. You moan at the feeling of him pushing into you. He keeps thrusting, guiding his head down to your peaked nipples. He pulls your shirt up and removes your bra, all while continuing to thrust. His massive hand surrounds your breast. He licks and twists gently at your nipple. The extra stimulation is enough to finish you again. Konig feels you pulse and grip on his cock, causing him to cum. “Fuck!” he shouts as he erupts. You feel every pulse of his cock as he fills you with cum. You both pant hard as you relish the sheer bliss of the moment. Then Konig flips you over, placing the cushions in a way that supports your abdomen. He pulls you up slightly, your ass facing up. He rubs it and gives it a soft smack. You whimper at the sting of it but like the feeling. He runs his thumb across your center, causing you to jerk at the sensitivity of it. Konig lets out a breathy chuckle. “I’m gonna fuck you like the animal I am now, is that okay baby girl?” he says with that cocky tone. “Y-yes, I want you to fuck me hard Konig,” you say in response. “That’s my good girl” he lets out on a breath. He guides his cock to your entrance. All gentleness disappears as he thrust fully into you, slightly shoving you forward. He lets out a loud grunt as he grabs your ass and grips it. He begins thrusting ravenously. You moan as his balls slap against you with each thrust. He puts one leg up with his foot on the floor, the other with his knee on the floor. He thrusts harder and the friction makes you cum hard. He cums at the same time, your pulses in sync as he empties into you. The cum spills out from being overfilled. He slowly pulls out of you and starts rubbing your back gently. You get up and turn to face him. He’s on his knees on the floor. You walk up to him and hug him and he holds you tight. You barely have to bend down to kiss him in this position. “That was amazing,” you say to Konig. “Yes it was,” he says with lust still in his eyes. “This should be a regular thing,” he says, this time with love in his gaze. “I would like that,” you say with a smile. You both get up and move to the couch. He lays down awkwardly, barely fitting on it. His legs hang off the end. You giggle at the image and lay down on top of him. You snuggle into his chest and he wraps his arms around you tightly, followed by a forehead kiss. “H-how do you feel about being my girlfriend?” he asks nervously, all signs of that dominant beast from just minutes earlier, gone. “I would love that Konig,” you say, caressing his beautifully rough face.

#konig #konig smut #konig x reader #konig x y/n #konig mw2 #cod mw2 fanfic #ghost #soap #konig modern warfare #konig fanfiction #fanfiction

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ceapa-mica · 3 months

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Pregnant with Thrawn's Baby 🤰 - a headcanon

This is probably the longest hc I've written so far. Took me some time to do some research since I'm childless.

❗Warnings: angst, mention of miscarriage and death (neither happens dw) non-graphic childbirth❗

Reader's gender is not mentioned but they have female reproductive organs.

Taglist: @bingbongooo @dance-like-russia-isnt-watching @ele-millennial-weirdo @enaelyork @jesslove23 @thrawnalani @thrawnsboots @twincesskorisoka @davesrightshoe @shoe-bag @blackddarling @obbicrystaleo

You have been married to Thrawn for quite some time and the thought of having a baby crossed your mind on several occasions by now…

When you finally tell him about it and ask if he would be up to being a father, he's surprised at first. He never really considered the idea. You're the love of his life and the only person in the entire Galaxy he would trust to have his child. So after a moment of getting used to the idea of fatherhood, he agrees that he wants to try for a baby with you.

When you finally get pregnant, it makes the idea of becoming parents so much more real for both of you. It's an overwhelming feeling neither of you have ever known. There is something special growing inside your belly, something whose wellbeing exceeds your own.

Thrawn hires the best doctors of his fleet to take care of your medical needs during your pregnancy.

You receive troubling news early into your pregnancy. The doctor tells you that it's quite common for hybrid pregnancies to end in miscarriages due to the body rejecting a fetus where half of the DNA is not of the same species.

That fear sticks with you throughout your pregnancy, but thankfully your body does not reject your baby.

Thrawn makes sure you don't get stressed. He's really worried stress could trigger a miscarriage. He spoils you more than usual and takes as much time as he can for you.

He loves to see how pregnancy changes your body. He doesn't mind if you gain a few pounds and says that means there's just more for him to touch. He loves your stretch marks, he sees a beautiful artistic pattern in them. To him they're art, and he shows his appreciation for art of any kind. This one though he worships not just with compliments but also with kisses.

There is also a clear difference to non-hybrid pregnancies. Look, with a hybrid the body has to grow a child whose DNA is 50% foreign, which makes it a lot harder. It really takes a toll on you.

Aside from common pregnancy symptoms like fluid retention, breast pain and an appetite for the strangest food combos, symptoms of a hybrid pregnancy include a kind of fatigue where you are often too weak to do more than the most necessary tasks like eating, drinking and if lucky taking a shower. You're just soo tired, and slightly depressed really. You wanted your pregnancy to be an exciting time in your life and even have a baby shower celebration. Plans you cancel due to the seemingly never ending fatigue.

Tbh your current state scares Thrawn. And this man is rarely scared of anything. He's super worried to the point where his thoughts wander to you during work hours when he's usually focused on his work only.

Everyone on the Chimera knows about your pregnancy and rumors about your wellbeing are making the rounds. The crew, especially on the bridge, is supportive and understanding, knowing the weight on Thrawn's shoulders is immense right now.

When he returns from his job, he cuddles up next to you, cradling your swollen belly in his large hand. The baby often moves when he touches your belly or when he simply talks to you.

You become a regular in the medbay during those nine months. You lose weight despite eating enough and get heart palpitations.

Thrawn feels guilty for putting you in this situation. You both want a baby, but at what cost? He's worried your body won't recover from this. He always calculates every possible outcome, and now he's confronted with the possibility of you not surviving.

The doctors tell Thrawn that you’re unlikely to die though, and that you will make a full recovery after the baby is born.

He reads up on parenting while looking after you. He absorbs the knowledge of those helpful holobooks like a sponge, saving it for later.

He has mixed feelings. He's scared something could go wrong and he ends up having to raise your baby alone, on the other hand he's excited and looking forward to meet this little creature you're carrying.

You manage to carry the baby to term. You’re in bed watching your comfort holoshow when you go into labor. Thrawn isn’t with you, but he gave you a comlink for emergencies.

He's there in a heartbeat and won't leave your side. He takes you to the medbay and holds your hand the entire time.

Eli Vanto drops by and brings Thrawn caf and for you your favorite snack. Weeks prior you and Thrawn have asked him if he wants to be the godfather of your child in case something happens to the both of you. Eli felt honored and agreed.

You lose any sense of time during labor. It's just hour after hour of pain. Thrawn remains by your side, not once leaving. You have never seen him with shadows under his eyes before, even when he claims that he's not tired, which is clearly a lie.

When your baby’s first scream fills the air, something shifts inside your heart. You get the overwhelming need to care and provide for your newborn.

The nurse droid hands your baby to its father. He tells you it's a girl and kisses you, smiling into the kiss. He's not even hiding his emotions at this special moment. Thrawn is not someone who would cry, but you notice how his eyes look glassy when he looks at his baby daughter.

He cuts the umbilical cord and takes her to clean her up. As expected, fatherhood looks good on him!

When he returns her to your chest you breastfeed her for the very first time. That's when you finally get a good look at her. She has (your h/c) fuzz on her little head and her (your s/c) skin has a blue hue to it. Her bright eyes have white scleras like a human, but her irises are crimson, typical for Chiss, just like the ridges on her forehead.

Thrawn can't take his eyes off her either. He's fascinated by her, in awe that he was capable of helping to create something so beautiful. He thinks she looks like art - absolutely extraordinary. He has never seen a Human-Chiss hybrid in person, only heard rumors in the Ascendency.

You agreed on names for either gender months prior. You’re gonna name her Mitth’>add Chiss name of your choice here<

The news of the Chimera’s newest crewmember spreads rapidly. Soon friends of yours wait by the medbay and Thrawn steps out to officially announce the birth of your child to them.

Thrawn sends Eli in to look after you two. When he holds your daughter for the first time he's immediately enraptured with her. He knows there's nothing in the Galaxy he wouldn't do for this tiny bundle of joy.

After delivering your daughter you need a lot of time to recover. You help as much as you can but it takes weeks for you to get back on your feet.

Having another life depending on you can be very demanding for both your mental and physical health. Thrawn makes sure you eat healthy and take your vitamins. He works less hours and his crew is more supportive than ever. It's a shame he can't just go and take paternity leave.

You quickly learn that a baby has the communication skills of an alarm clock. You miss the deep naps you took during your pregnancy where barely anything could wake you up.

When Thrawn isn’t at work he helps you with your daughter in any way he can. You can always count on him when it comes to your little one. You see the pride shining in his crimson eyes whenever he looks at her, or talks about her. He also wants to hold her all the time.

For the first time there is something more important to Thrawn than his primary mission. You came into his life, showed him what falling in love is like, accepted him with all his flaws and became the mother of his child. You and your daughter mean more to him than his service to the Empire or the Chiss Ascendency. He would tear down the Galaxy if it meant keeping the two loves of his life safe.

Thrawn dreams of taking you and your child to the Ascendency one day. He wants to introduce you to his family and for your daughter to learn about her heritage.

You read that right, it's up to you 🫵🏻 to name your Chiss daughter. Let us know in the comments what you chose to name her, if you like.

The next headcanon will be pure family fluff. 🥹

#thrawn #grand admiral thrawn #mitth'raw'nuruodo #blue man hot #thrawn x reader #thrawn x you #thrawn headcanon #thrawn fanfiction #star wars rebels #ahsoka series #star wars #dad! thrawn

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moonlit-positivity · 4 months

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Healing thoughts: How to actually feel your feelings

"you have to stop intellectualizing your emotions and actually feel them" OKAY BUT DO WE EVER TALK ABOUT HOW TO "FEEL" YOUR FEELINGS????? Because for a lot of us, it's a miracle we can even intellectualize in the first place???? We come from a place where we don't even know what the hell an emotion is??? How to recognize when you're having a feeling??? What that looks like???? Where it feels in our bodies??? Because we are too dissociated to tell what that even looks like! For some of us that were never allowed to even think about our feelings as children, how the hell do we know when we are feeling a feel??? Until it's too late and we're isolating, self h/rming, etc....

Hey! I gotchu! Here's a quick frame by frame of how to actually FEEL YOUR FEELINGS! But first, let me reiterate a very important aspect that is never really discussed in depth about the process of "feeling your feelings"- there is nothing wrong with being too numb to feel what has happened to you. Being numb, ie living in a constant state of dissociation, is our body's natural defense mechanism against the horrific shit you've had to go through. It is actually so normal to have a buffer zone of being "numb", because otherwise you would have not survived! The shit you had to go through was in fact that bad, to the point that your brain and body had to reject the emotions, repress them, and keep you dissociated in order for you to survive.

There is an entire rhetoric in healing that will push you to feel your feelings, but the aspects that no one talks about is that it's not always safe enough for you to do that! Some of us are still not able to break the walls of denial and avoidance and tbh that is normal! Because that is your brain telling you you still don't feel safe enough to bring this up and that is equally okay and needs to be respected just as much in healing! Because if you force yourself to do this without a proper support system, without the proper tools to soothe yourself, without knowing that none of this is your fault, and without the actual ability to HANDLE the falling apart that comes when you finally get through-- it can be equally as traumatizing to force yourself through this. It can be like ripping apart your soul and rubbing salt in the wound, if you are not in a place where you can handle it just yet. And that is so valid, and need to be respected!

But if you are finding yourself after years and years of talking about it, or maybe you're just now talking about and still in a situation where you just can't move, you're still stuck, not able to quite put your finger on it, please remember that this is normal and necessary and I have a lot of tips on how you can start working on this in order to actually feel whatever it is that has you so stuck in freeze response.

How to feel your feelings: a guide

The main points are as follows:

• safety

• validation

• boundaries

• expression

• anchor

• somatics

• time & patience

Here's how they work:

Safety: are you safe enough to feel this feeling?

What does that look like: Do you have privacy? Are you able to have a space that is for you and you alone? Do you have a safe space to exist? Can you cry and show emotion right now? Do you feel safe in the company your with right now, that you could express your feelings and not be judged or shut down for feeling the way you're feeling?

Why this is important: having your own space in order to break down and process your own thoughts in a way that no one is going to judge you, berate you, make you feel like you're being overdramatic, make you feel less than, or just make it difficult for you to even look inward and hear yourself speak... This is the entire reason why safety is so important in everything we do. We need that backbone in order to restore our basic need for connection and attunement with ourselves.

Validation: being comforted when you express your emotions

What that looks like: What does your inner monologue sound like? What do you say to yourself when your having a flashback, intrusive thought, etc? Are you able to speak gently with yourself? Are you able to be kind and gentle and compassionate? Do you know this isn't your fault? Do you have things you can look at or tell yourself to remind you it's not your fault and reaffirm and soothe urself? Can you start finding ways to incorporate some sort of soothing into your mind? (I like to ask my alts, "how would you like to be soothed?" "How would you like me to handle this?" And let them pick something)

Why this is important: validation is what starts to break the ice. Chances are, you've been told your whole life that your feelings are irrelevant and that you're actually the crazy one for feeling that way. You may need to find safe spaces and safe people, to talk with someone and actually have them reiterate, over and over and as many times as you need, that you are not in fact the crazy one, that your thoughts and feelings on the situation actually make a lot of sense and that its not crazy at all to have wanted and needed some basic human decency from the people who put you in this bullshit to begin with. Validation is the entire basis for building & restoring a sense of trust to your own judgement. To know that all of your feelings deserve to exist and deserve to be treated and handled well.

Boundaries: did you ask how I feel, and do I have control over this conversation? // Was this something that ripped my control away from me? How can I reestablish my need for protection in this moment?

What this looks like: is this something I want to talk about right now? Did the person ask me if I was okay talking about this? Do I want to share this right now? Do I feel safe enough to talk about this? And if I said I didn't want to talk about it right now, would that be okay? // Identifying the parts of what happened to you that felt like it was your fault, and giving yourself the proper chance to reframe and put that shame where it truly belongs- with the abusers who did this to you.

Why this is important: Boundaries with ourselves and boundaries with others, in regards to what we share and how we share it and with whom we share it with, helps us regain control over how we tell our story. You can absolutely decide who you want to talk to, the kinds of people and environments you want to have hold your pain, and when and how much you want to disclose. This is the backbone to restoring your control. // Thinking about boundaries can help you find safer ways to hold your most vulnerable moments, even with yourself. You can absolutely find safer ways within yourself to handle your tender moments. Reframing the things you've been through, finding ways to hold compassion for yourself, esp when you've been handed a narrative of gaslighting and abuse, is essential in order to cultivate your self worth.

Expression: how do I voice myself?

What this looks like: am I too numb to feel this? Are there any harmful rhetorics from my past interfering with how I voice myself? Have I been expected to feel a certain way in the past? Am I able to be genuine with how I feel about this? Do I know how I feel? Ask yourself, "how do I feel about this?"... let yourself vent about what you went through & how you feel about it, letting yourself write angry letters or draw vent art, letting yourself cuss them out in your head, screaming out into the ether, how do you actually express what you are feeling, and what are the obstacles that interfere?

Why this is important: this is the intellectualization, the acknowledgement. This is so important because it gives you your voice back, it gives you chances and opportunities to talk it out and hear yourself say it out loud, to make it real, to keep hearing yourself say it until you realize it's not gonna go away... because you keep saying it over and over and nothing is happening? This is what leads us to the deeper aspects of understanding. You are absolutely allowed to name your feelings, to call them out and give them a space to exist. They need you to do that.

Anchor: can I feel this feeling in a way that I know I will be okay through the wave?

What this looks like: quite literally weathering the storm, being able to sit with yourself during the massive amounts of pain and discomfort and knowing that no matter what happens, you will be okay during and after it hits... These are ur grounding techniques, reminding urself that even though ur feeling a feel, you're still safe in ur house in ur bed and ur not in the flashback, you're not there anymore and its gonna be okay, you will make it through this, even when it feels overwhelming and like its gonna swallow you whole...

Why this is important: grounding helps us keep our focus off of the overwhelm and panic until we are better able to cope and weather the storm... Anchoring is the most important aspect to feeling your feelings because this is where you actually break down the emotional responses built up in your body and start allowing them to flow through. This is how you actually feel the emotions and stay afloat while they're so big and overwhelming... The more you anchor the better you get at it and in turn the more you'll actually start to feel it in your body, where the emotions are stored and how it's affecting you. But tbh, this step is first filled with a bunch of panic attacks and massive blackouts of panic and anxiety, if anything this is the hardest part and it can take a very very long time before you're able to sit more comfortably in this step.

Somatics: where is it in my body?

What this looks like: can you move your body while you feel this emotion? Is it too heavy to move? Where does it feel heavy? Your chest? Your heart? Are you too scared to move? Are you feeling explosive? Is it in your head? Are you feeling fearful? Is it in your stomach? And how can you bring awareness to and acknowledge the physical discomforts?

Why this is important: Somatics is the practice of communicating with your nervous system, which in turn is how we actually feel the feelings. If you can start to pinpoint where in your body you feel heavy, where you feel activated, then incorporate some type of attention or soothing to that part of your body, i.e. butterfly hugs when your heart and chest feel exposed, rubbing your cheeks when your cheeks get hot, crossing your arms and holding your shoulders when you feel vulnerable, scrunching up your face when you feel pain & allowing your face to outwardly express your emotions, move and wiggle around when you feel anxious, fidget, walk in place, punch the air or other physical activities for high energy and anger like dancing etc, just something to get your body moving through the energy.

Time & patience: I may not understand how to do this rn, but I am worth the effort to keep trying

What this looks like: finding ways to incorporate compassion for urself into ur life... Resting... Channeling ur inner grandma & pick up crochet... Seriously tho, finding ways to just sit through the hard and uncomfortable things, and finding ways to bring some warmth and kindness in while u wait...

Why this is important: you can't rush this process. This can take years, years, years to come to understand what you went through, what you are still going through, like that never ends. Emotions don't like to be told they shouldn't exist. All of you, all of your thoughts and feelings matter in this world. You gotta start finding ways to acknowledge they exist and ask them if they want a cup of tea while you manage to find nicer ways to talk to them.

Afterthoughts:

There are a lot of smaller aspects that can build up as well, like the acknowledgement of our emotions can be really difficult to narrow or pinpoint esp if you've never been allowed to express yourself before. I've got some tools I've gathered from other therapists on how to recognize what you're feeling and where they are in your body.

Emotions wheel:

Walking through the process: there's also the need to acknowledge that there will be resistance, it's not always an inherently cohesive process to just trust that you are safe enough to feel hurt and that you even have the right to feel and say and talk about it to begin with... That's why it's such a harrowing process and why it can take so so so much time in safe spaces before you're really able to break it all down and process. The avoidance and hesitance and also paranoia of talking about it and the concept of "disrespect" should also be mentioned, bc that's equally part of the process is breaking down all these harmful rhetorics you've been handed all your life in order to unlearn and cultivate new, healthier perspectives. And like damn man that's really hard to do???? So kudos to you for even attempting this shit man give urself a huge pat on the back! You're doing so good please keep going!

Anyway, phew this post got long heheh but it is my hope we can curate better knowledge and understanding from a deeper place with trauma awareness so I hope someone can find this genuinely useful.

Take care of yourselves out there!

🌸

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quasitsqueeries · 4 months

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Space Marines are not your friend Part II

I keep thinking about this, and apparently a lot of other people keep thinking about this, because the conversation keeps happening. I think I didn't get it quite right the first time round, which is normal and we should embrace being wrong and changing our minds with new information.

So, sometimes you say the Imperium is Fascist and you learn form some dude online that actually they're a dictatorial theocracy or something. This is called splitting hairs but I think there's potential here for a more interesting conversation. It may come as a surprise but Warhammer 40,000, a game about spending whole Sunday afternoons moving little toy soldiers and tanks around on your dining room table with lore written by a whole bunch of different nerds over the last 35 years doesn't have a coherent political narrative.

We're not going to get the answers we're looking for by going over every bit of lore with a fine-toothed comb. Also please don't ask me to do that, some of the writing is really terrible. I've talked before in, I guess, Part I about how Warhammer 40,000 draws on the aesthetics of Fascism and I think this is what's really important. It really doesn't matter if the Imperium fulfils all of Umberto Eco's characteristics of Fascism or if you can find some other political ideology that you think fits better. The fact is that Warhammer 40,000 is a piece of largely visual media that draws on the imagery of Fascism, the same way it draws on the imagery of Feudalism and the Catholic and Orthodox churches.

There's a lot of talk lately about how people like Rick Priestly and Brian Ansell (may he rest in peace) and Richard Haliwell weren't really trying to make statements with their games but just wanted to sell miniatures, and they borrowed liberally from things like 2000AD because it was cool. I think that in itself says something about the game's ideology. It was developed and written in the context of Thatcherite Britain and I wonder if in that context there was an idea that it wasn't necessary to have the thing make political sense (and maybe that's naïve in hindsight, idk?). I don't know for sure but I wonder if 40K comes out of a time when you could be like "hey these cops are Fascists" and wouldn't need to expand on that. People would just get that you were painting in braod strokes and wouldn't demand that you prove that their brutality wasn't justified. I think it's fair to say the writers didn't foresee how big their game would get, or its popularity among military bros, or the rise of Fascism in the Anglosphere in the 2010s.

So, what do we do with this? I think it's important to recognise two things. Firstly, the Imperium isn't just a Fascist state. It's also a Theocracy, and Feudal. More than one of these things can be true. But secondly, we tend to assume our political concepts are universal and timeless. They're not. Here's an interview where Corey Robin situates the Left and Right historically for Adam Conover:

youtube

The point being that the Right isn't just authoritarian, it's a movement to reestablish the power of ruling classes in response to modern Democratic movements. Similarly, Fascism is a distinctly modern concept. It's an attempt to return to the idea, as identified by Robin above, that certain people should rule over everyone else, and it's a reaction against a move towards Democracy and people having freedom from authority.

So, political systems are historically constituted, I think it's fair to say that 38,000 years in the future our politics will be unrecognisable to us now. So like, does Fascism exist 38,000 years in the future, would it even be possible when you're trying to govern a billion worlds, is it "necessary" when state control of humanity is total, and Democracy, Socialism and Trade Unionism aren't even distant memories? Maybe the answer is it doesn't matter. I don't find that terribly satisfying.

The Imperium's political system isn't not Fascism. Rather, the writers of Warhammer 40,000 depicted a political system that's a sort of aggregate of political systems that are recognisable to a modern audience (and particularly pertinent to an audience living in Thatcherite Britain), and Fascism plays a major role in that aggregate.

So the upshot is, if you want to call it Fascism, you are correct, and if someone calls it Fascism and you want to say actually it's this extremely specific political thing you've just come up with to disprove them, consider shutting up.

#warhammer 40000 #warhammer 40k #space marines #adeptus astartes #games workshop #Youtube

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electrikworm · 28 days

Text

5 times Wrecker protected his siblings and 5 times they protected him: Chapter 2

As cadets, Wrecker gets into a fight with some regs bothering Tech.

Content warning: Blood, Child Abuse

Wrecker and Tech are physically about 11-12 years old in this, whilst the regs are 16-17

Read on Ao3

Chapter Text

As Tech sets off on the familiar path to clone force 99's barracks, he starts taking notes on his datapad. He tries to get the information typed out as soon as he can after a lesson. Doing so greatly reduces the possibility of errors in his writing.

Tech trusts himself to retain all the necessary information, however revising what he's learnt before he is tested is easier done with the relevant notes at hand.

Halfway through writing a summary and halfway back to their barracks, Tech is interrupted by slamming into someone's chest. The training they're going through has made Tech dexterous enough not to fall over, instead stumbling back a few steps.

He walked into a reg, at least 2 standard years older than him based on the height difference. There are three others with him. None of them bare any distinguishing markings, though their hair varies slightly in length.

Tech quickly mutters an apology and tries to move past the group, lowering his gaze to his datapad. One of the regs scoffs. Tech quickens his pace. Not enough to seem like he's trying to run away. He's not a coward, he's just not in the mood to deal with regs.

“What's the point of those goggles if you're still too blind to not run into people right in front of you?” one of the regs sneers.

Tech knows he should keep walking, should ignore them, but the retort leaves his mouth before he can stop it. “You could have stepped out of the way yourself.”

Tech shouldn't have said anything. One of the regs stops him from walking further with a hand on the shoulder, digging his fingers into Techs skin.

“If you're going to disrespect me, have the decency to stop looking at that thing.” With that, the reg with the hand on Techs shoulder pulls the datapad out of his hands and passes it to one of his friends. The reg holds the datapad above his head, arm outstretched, like he's waiting for Tech to try and take it back.

Tech could probably reach it if he jumped. He's not going to do that. “I need that back.” Tech states calmly.

“What do you need a datapad for?” the reg with the datapad says with a laugh, waving it about. Does he really think Tech is stupid enough to try and grab it back?

“Many of my strengths relate to technology, so it is a useful asset in my training, and will continue to be of great use once I graduate.” Tech answers honestly, seemingly amusing the regs. He doubts anything he could say would de-escalate the situation.

“So without this hardware, you're not even special? So much for enhanced.” the one grabbing his shoulder says, spitting the last word like it's poison. More laughter. Tech would like to walk away, can't until they give him back his datapad. Tech twists out of the regs grip, taking a step backwards, tries to glare at them the way Crosshair does. If Crosshair said he managed to scare off some regs by looking at them, maybe Tech can too.

By the way one of the regs snorts with laughter, it isn't quite as intimidating as Tech had hoped.

“Don't you want your datapad back, defect?” the one holding it says, grinning. He's holding it lower now, trying to bait Tech into reaching for it. “You know they'll decommission you if you're not useful, right?”

Tech is going to going to argue with their logic when he's interrupted.

“Hey!” Tech would recognize his brothers booming voice anywhere. Wrecker must have rounded a corner, likely returning from training as well. The sight of his brother is a relief . Faster than the regs can react, Wrecker puts himself between them and Tech, grabbing the one holding the datapad by the arm and returning it to Tech.

Wrecker's tall for his age, almost as tall as the older regs. Definitively stronger than them. Tech still hopes this won't end in a fight.

“Another one?” one of the regs groans.

“Yeah, another one.” Wrecker glares at the group of older clones, doing a better job than Tech did. “You mess with him, you mess with me!”

Even Wrecker doesn't have the desired effect on the regs. If anything, they seem to find his anger funny too. “Are you trying to intimidate us?”

“Stow it.” Wrecker hisses back, moving forward with intent. Tech grabs his sleeve before they can find out what he was planing to do. Wrecker takes the hint, and when Tech turns to walk away, so does he.

Tech thinks to himself that that could have ended a lot worse, then immediately regrets letting that thought cross his mind when one of the regs calls after them.

“Take that datapad and those goggles away and you'd be decommissioned in hours.”

“What did you just say?” Wrecker snarls as he snaps back round. He's punched the reg that said it before even Tech with his enhanced mental capability can think about stopping him.

The entire fight only lasts a few seconds, but it feels a lot longer to Tech. It's loud, it's chaotic, Tech's pretty sure he just saw Wrecker grab one of the regs by the hair. Tech isn't going to let his brother fight alone, but just as he's regained his bearings, just as he's about to throw his own punch, the fight is interrupted.

“Osik, someone's coming!” one of the regs yells. They run off and Tech grabs Wreckers sleeve once again and starts pulling him in the opposite direction.

“Come on Wrecker.” Tech hisses in an effort to get his vod to hurry up. “We'll get in trouble.” Wrecker picks up the pace. After a good while of running and rounding a few corners they slow down. They didn't run in the right direction to get back to their barracks, but Tech knows his way around this area of Tipoca City more than well enough to lead them back on the way they want to be.

Tech gets a good look at Wrecker now. He's got a nosebleed and a split lip, blood running down the lower half of his face freely and off of his chin. “You're dripping blood.” Tech states. Wrecker tries to use his hand to stop the blood flow, but it seeps between his fingers in seconds.

“I think I bit myself.” Wrecker mumbles from behind his hand, sounding nasal. They walk in silence for a while. “I'd never let them decommission you, Tech.” Wrecker suddenly goes very earnest.

“They wouldn't decommission me over something so silly anyway.” Wrecker smiles at that, then lifts his hand in a way that lets Tech know exactly what he has in mind. Tech doesn't like it. “Don't even think about ruffling my hair with your bloody hands.”

“Hey, there's no blood on this hand.” For emphasis, Wrecker wipes the hand not trying to stop the blood running out of his nose and mouth on his trousers.

“Don't.” Tech warns. With a huff, Wrecker lets his arm hang. After a while, Tech breaks the silence. “Thank you.”

Wrecker huffs again, amused this time. “No need, it was nothing.”

Wrecker starts trying to ask Tech how his day was, but only get halfway through the question, the next corner they round leaving their path blocked by one of the facility staff. A human woman by the looks of it, and if Tech had to guess, he'd say she looks rather annoyed. Both the clones freeze.

“CT-9903, you will come with me and you will do so quietly.” Neither Wrecker or Tech do anything but share a quick worried glance. “Do not make me repeat myself.” She sounds really annoyed now.

That snaps Wrecker out of his stupor enough to nod and start moving. He smiles at Tech as he does, blood still running down his face. The sight does not make Tech feel any better.

“What is this about?” Tech asks, knowing it must be about the fight a few minutes ago. The regs must have told on them.

“This is about CT-9903 exhibiting a series of violent outbursts recently, and does not concern you.” The staff member answers, turning her back on Tech as she ushers Wrecker away. They have been getting in a lot of fights recently, though Wrecker hardly started even half of them. Finishing them, that Wrecker did do. It still hardly seems fair to Tech that Wrecker take all the blame.

Tech does nothing as his brother is lead away. Nothing he could say would change the outcome here either. He just walks the rest of the way back to their barracks feeling defeated.

Hunter and Crosshair are already there when Tech arrives, having a conversation that sounds a lot like it could turn into an argument any time soon.

“Wreckers in trouble.” Tech states instead of greeting his brothers.

“What?” Hunter looks ready to fight someone. Crosshair doesn't say anything, but his stance is similar to Hunters. Tech explains the situation to them, the confrontation with the regs, the fight, Wrecker being lead away. None of them ask where their brother was brought, they all know the answer. Disobedient clones get put in isolation, every member of their squad's been there before.

“You're lucky I wasn't there.” Crosshair hisses. “I would have killed those regs.”

Tech rolls his eyes. “No you wouldn't have.”

They don't talk about Wrecker. There's nothing they can do to change his situation.

Later, after they've eaten and went to bed, Tech can't sleep. He keeps thinking about Wrecker. It's irrational to worry about him, Tech knows where Wrecker is. Still, he is haunted by the thought that that blood covered smile would be the last he'd ever see of him. It's really the regs fault for putting the thought of decommissioning into Tech's head.

Tech feels like a fool when he quietly slips out of their barracks and carefully navigates the still corridors. Getting into the room with the isolations tanks is easier than it should be. Tech had managed to get in before, even at a younger age. It's dark, save for the faint light the tanks give off. They look almost like bacta tanks, the liquid filling them just missing the blue tint bacta has.

Four of the tanks are occupied. As always, Wrecker sticks out immediately. Tech spares little attention for the regs floating in the other tanks, heading straight to stand in front of the one housing his little brother. Even behind the breath mask, Tech can see little was done against the injuries Wrecker sustained in the fight, clear swelling and bruises showing.

But, Tech's unfounded worry has been calmed. Wrecker is fine, he's alive and no worse off then when tech last saw him. He'll be out of the tank in a couple days, and they'll take it from there.

Tech knocks on the transparisteel separating him from his brother, hoping Wrecker will sense his presence but knowing there's no chance he will. They're called isolation tanks for a reason. Still, a small part of Tech likes to believe he is helping Wrecker by simply being there. Nobody likes isolation, it wouldn't be a punishment if it was pleasant, but Wrecker, social and in need of physical proximity as he is, responds particularly bad. Last time, he spent weeks after his release clinging to his brothers, outright refusing to sleep unless he was holding one of them.

“I'm sorry.” Tech says as he knocks on the tank again. Wrecker wouldn't be here if Tech had successfully dealt with the dispute with the regs himself.

At this point, Tech should leave. He's assured himself of Wreckers safety, there's no need to stay. Instead, he sits down, leaning his head against the cool exterior of the tank and starts to quietly talk about his day, answering the question Wrecker never got to finish asking.

#tbb #tbb wrecker #tbb tech #my writing #I used to headcanon Tech being younger than Wrecker #since we got their canon CT numbers I've started to really like the idea of Wrecker being the younger one

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definitelynotafurinasimp · 2 years

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Hey! Can I please have a scenario with Ganyu, Hu Tao and Diluc where they are eating and they have some food on their face so reader cleans there lip/mouth area with there thumb while staring at the character? Thank you so much!!

Them reacting to you using your thumb to wipe away some food from their mouth

Characters: Ganyu/Hu Tao/Eula x gn!reader

Warnings: none

a/n: I only write for female characters, so I hope it’s okay for you that I replaced Diluc with Eula. Now, you might ask why exactly I chose Eula and there’s a super interesting reason behind it:

I’m a massive Eula simp.

Also, sorry if this is a bit shorter, but like I said: I don’t have much time to write these past few days.

Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Ganyu

When Ganyu felt the sudden touch of your thumb against the corner of her mouth, she immediately froze before feeling her face heat up, having been to preoccupied with chiding herself for falling victim to the smell of Wanmin’s food to notice your previous stare directed at her face.

“Y-Yes? Do you need something?”, the half-Qilin asked in a flustered manner, quickly making eye contact with you before deciding to rather avert her eyes.

“Oh, it’s nothing. There was just some food stuck on your face”, you were quick to respond, pointing at the corner of your mouth, your calm behaviour causing her to get embarrassed about reacting the way she did. Before long, Ganyu had grabbed a napkin herself and used it to wipe her mouth, in turn earning herself a slightly amused smile from you.

“Don’t worry, it’s long gone”, you answered, causing her embarrassment to only get worse as she seemingly managed to dig herself further and further into a hole with every of her actions.

And so, instead of saying anything, she responded with a hum, hoping that you’d be able to quickly move on from her faux pas.

Hu Tao

While it was fair to say that Hu Tao didn’t foresee your sudden desire to start touching her face, she always was one to roll with the punches, causing her to grab your wrist the moment you tried pulling your hand away before giving you a large smile.

“Great idea and even greater execution, I didn’t suspect it in the slightest. You really are starting to learn how to become an expert at playing pranks, next time however, I want you to aim big”, she began rambling, leaving you in total confusion as to what was happening. And while you had hoped to use the chance to pull your arm out of her clutches, her grip turned out to be surprisingly strong.

“Wait- Calm down, Tao. I just wanted to remove a piece of food stuck on your mouth-”, you tried to explain the situation, only to be cut off by the funeral director.

“You’re even making up excuses on the go! Excellent!”, she seemed to completely disregard what you were saying, but just as you had almost started to believe the two of you had a genuine misunderstanding, a sneaking suspicion about what she was going to say next made its way into your mind.

“That’s it. Tomorrow, the two of us will make our rounds around Liyue Harbour and I’ll show you how to perfect the art of playing pranks”, she announced, just loud enough to make a few people around you turn their heads towards you, causing you to suddenly start feeling shy. And while you tried your best to talk your way out of it, it became even more obvious that there was no real misunderstanding and Hu Tao wouldn’t change her mind, causing you to eventually resign yourself to your fate.

Eula

While Eula had figured out that a piece of food remained stuck on her lips, moving her hand to the nearest napkin to wipe it off, you had been faster, and before she had a chance to enact her vengeance on the crumb for even daring to get stuck on her mouth, her target had already been taken care off by you.

“It wasn’t necessary for you to do that, I was already on my way to remove it myself”, Eula stated, trying her hardest to maintain her façade. Whether you knew it or not, her upbringing caused her to get embarrassed whenever you touched her, whether intentionally or not, and while she had become pretty good at stopping herself from blushing, there were still times she only barely managed to do so. This being one of them.

“Oh. I’m sorry Eula, I guess I did it on instinct”, you apologized before giving her an apologetic smile, at which the Lawrence felt her features instantly soften, making it even more obvious to her, that she wouldn’t be able to pretend to be angry at you for long.

“Fine. I’ll let you get away with a warning this time, but don’t let your instincts take over again, or I will have my vengeance”, Eula proclaimed while simultaneously folding her arms across her chest, only for the two of you to once again return to eating not shortly afterwards.

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fictionadventurer · 9 months

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I used to think of story as "A story is stuff happening and a story's PURPOSE is to emotionally connect/move people." That said, I love the way you put it here!

If I may be allowed to add:

When a story is too short, perhaps it means that the internal change must be slower, with more events slowly inching it forward. If it has too much, then perhaps you need to have more seismic events rocketing it along.

Or perhaps you were wrong about the perfect length.

Also I have an anecdote to support your point:

Once I wrote a fight scene that was literally just stuff happening as part of a writing club, and it was BORING AS HECK! Incredibly repetitive and emotionally empty. Then I rewrote it to focus more on the emotions (which also led me to write more creative fights?) and the same people told me I actually achieved the sort of adrenaline fueled action piece it was meant to be.

Another, I was writing a story for myself and focused on the internal to the detriment of the external. It was also dull because I kept trying to stretch out the internal monologues instead of making stuff happen.

So now I try to balance where the external moves the internal. (Sorry if this was rambly)

I think "story's the stuff and emotion is the purpose" is also a valid way to put it. I put the focus on the internal arc because that helps me to figure out where to begin and end a story.

Stories usually involve some kind of change--whether in circumstances or in understanding. If you know how the beginning state is different from the ending state, all you have to do is stop the story after that ending state is achieved, and begin the story at the point where events start to make that change necessary. Even in a flat arc, where the point is that the character doesn't change despite their circumstances, the story begins at the point where the characters beliefs are challenged, and end when whatever circumstances caused that challenge are overcome. (This doesn't really relate to what you said. I just saw the chance to clarify my original post now that I've done some more thinking on the subject).

Pacing is another matter, and you're right that the balance between external events and emotional change is the key to maintaining it. I'd add that a lot of problems with length can altered by narrowing or widening the focus. If the story's too long, laser-focus on your main character's arc and cut anything extra; if the story's too short, you can widen the focus to include other characters or conflicts outside the main arc.

Your anecdotes are a great example of how internal and external change are both necessary to a story. I've found similar things in my own work. I've lost count of the number of times I've found a story boring, only to step back and realize I've spent several paragraphs of a character thinking about a situation when they could be doing something. Sometimes, the change is as simple as turning the character's thoughts into a dialogue with another character. Or jumping to an active scene while littering in the character's thoughts. I've also had the opposite problem of characters just doing things until I realize we don't know how they feel about any of this, which can make the story feel empty. A good balance of both is what makes a story feel complete.

#answered asks #adventures in writing #this also feels rambly i apologize

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forever-eternal · 8 months

Text

To fully explain the Cryptidness of a Country/Government Personification; such as Gov and Assistant, we need to break it down into four parts.

1 - Human Forms

2 - Casually Monstrous

3 - Comprehensible Horror

4 - Incomprehensible Horror

Of course, examples and comparisons (usually between Gov, Assistant and the States) will be necessary to explain to my best abiltiy. And what Personifications actually are will be explained in a different post.

Let’s start with something simple; Human Forms!

---------

Human Forms

So, a Government’s human form is similar to a States’; uncanny and wrong in every possible way, but there’s an undertone of…something. It feels as if you’re looking at something you shouldn’t, something your eyes should just glide over because your mind can’t comprehend it.

However, because of their strong Do-Not-Notice-Me aura, this is only ever recognized when they want it to be.

Unlike other personifications Do-Not-Notice-Me, which drops and fades when they’re weak/sick or when they cause enough of a ruckus, Government’s aura’s get stronger when they’re weak/unable to control it (no matter how much of a scene they cause, no one will see through it). This can result in no one even seeing them, let alone comprehending they exist. Photos and videos are ill-advised unless the government personification is willing and informed beforehand, lest your camera system implode on itself.

Otherwise, they function pretty much the same as any other personification.

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Casually Monstrous

This is more common when they’re pissed off or trying to threaten someone.

As seen in ‘Under My Protection’, Robin’s teeth get incredibly long and sharp, mouth growing wider than should be possible (like a snake), and her nails grow into claws. Her eyes become black irises on white seclera and white pupils.

Her environment shifts to be dark, not without light but as if the shadows are corporeal and blocking the way. Many eyes of different sizes, but all the same black iris and white pupils, open along the shadows.

Gov grows scales along his arms, nails also turning to claws, and his already prominent canines lengthen and curve, like venomous snake fangs on the top and bottom rows. The bitemark he leaves has four fang holes, with the top two being larger and deeper, but the rest of the bite looks like pinpricks.

He gains four extra eyes, incredibly small to the point no one really notices until he looks directly at them. Both sets are next to each other beneath his regular eyes. His eyes are bright green, with a similar pattern to a snake, but his pupils are more eagle-like.

These forms are usually only done when they don’t plan on leaving someone alive, but there are certain situations where killing them doesn’t give them what they want.

Seeing these forms with their Do-Not-Notice-Me dropped even slightly can start to fracture someone's perceptions. This mental fracture can be healed overtime with care, but leaves them more susceptible to further physical deterioration and mental decay.

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Comprehensible Horror

A taste of the gods in human bodies, a small piece of a greater whole molded to fit their own needs. They are massive, horrific, but with the Do-No-Notice-Me they can be seen and comprehended in small doses by whom they choose to be.

Adam takes the form of a snake, burrowing close to the core of the earth beneath the heart of the America. Six eyes catch every movement as his massive form blends into the shadows, fitting and hiding in places he should not fit. Able to change his size, but can not get longer than than 5,800 miles (the approximate length of the USA). He remains coiled and slightly smaller, in order to move around a little easier, but he is still enormous most of the time.

Robin gets tall– not giant but taller than any human has been ever, a little shorter than Hyperion, she can’t fit most places, but can force herself into a smaller body— minimum of 20 feet tall. A total of eight arms, the ‘human’ set remains clasped in front of her for the most part. Her two main eyes are shut, with one on her forehead and several on the backs of her hands, as well as the ones in the corporeal shadow walls. Extra limbs nay extend from the shadows as well, usually elongated and bony. She’s usually hidden deep within her shadows, but when she does come out Adam likes to shrink and coil around her shoulders like a feather boa.

They may be horrifying and inhuman creatures, but they are still in love.

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Incomprehensible Horror

When every Government and Assistant personification merges, you get the incomprehensible horrors that are Infinity and Eternity.

A mix of Everything and Nothing, their true forms cannot remain on Earth for long– far too large and imposing, too dangerous to look at. To look at their true forms is deadly, your atoms split and burn into nothing.

If they wish to have a bit more class, to be able to converse even slightly with the Earthly Personifications they represent, they will take the form of something earthly– animals, humans, natural monuments–, goliaths in the astral plane between Empty and Full. They always look like a shifting universe, endless stars and color and darkness. Their eyes are always glowing white and pupiless, their mouths a black hole.

Their eyes project a million rebirths and a million deaths of the universe, a cloud of stars and galaxies in their gaze. The sound like every voice in every language all at once– unless they purposefully try to communicate in one language–, and they sound like nothing at the same time.

They are things the human mind can’t comprehend, let alone attempt to describe. Their presence fills the air with a pressure that rips you apart at the seams.

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herb10 · 7 months

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I’m so sorry this might be a hot take and cause fights which I apologize for in advance—-

But I always get annoyed when I see chargers social media team post what the impact fund is doing I’m sorry but goody bags for schools ? Like cmon ppl you’re a multi billionaire dollar organization and some snacks and chargers merch is how you’re gonna give back to the community ? I’m sorry I know I sound ungrateful at least they are doing something but I feel like there is soo much better and more necessary things they could help with. ESP in the LA school district one of the biggest and underfunded school districts in the state. Inglewood esp where sofi stadium is the attendance rate had dropped from 17,000 kids to 7,000 kids all the schools are poorly structured barely maintained and part of the reason for this has to do with sofi stadium. Once it was built housing prices went up and people in those neighborhoods couldn’t afford to live there anymore

But yeah spend that money on some goody bags! That’ll help! Sorry I know anything helps but cmon don’t sell your impact fund as helping the community when it’s just for show. Imo at least. Also half of the Links on the impact fund website don’t work or are outdated so like what are y’all really doing

I'm sorry that it took me so long to respond to your ask. I just wanted to get my thoughts in order bc there's a fair amount I want to touch on as this is a very complicated topic.

First of all, I'd like to say there's no need to apologise bc I get what you mean and I understand why you feel that way.

Whilst I admire the idea of the Impact Fund and the work of the volunteers/workers who give their time to help others as part of the initiative, I do have my concerns that it is not doing enough or, even worse, is performative, at least on the part of the Spanos family and the organisation executives.

My scepticism is in part due to the white-washing of Alex Spanos and the way he made his initial wealth. People talk about the "Braceros Curse" but I'm not sure many fully understand what Spanos did. People can read this article to learn how Spanos built his fortune exploiting vulnerable Mexican farmworkers.

Another reason is the damage that the move from San Diego to LA and the subsequent building of SoFi Stadium had on the community of Inglewood as you pointed out above.

I didn't know the consequences that decision had on the people who live in Inglewood until I stumbled across a documentary on YouTube. It really opened my eyes to the reality of the situation removed from the entertainment of football.

I will say that I genuinely believe that the people who volunteer for the Impact Fund do so out of the good of their hearts and are compassionate people looking to help others. I have no doubt that their work with the Fund is sincere.

As for the most recent charity event you mentioned, I'd like point out that the goody bags did contain food, mostly canned food like soup, noodles, etc. Having said that I do agree that the merchandise peddling is something that leaves a sour taste in my mouth; a bobblehead figurine isn't gonna fundamentally help a struggling family.

TL;DR I get you. I agree. The charity work seems performative on the part of the org. I don't blame the players or volunteers. This problem is bigger than any of us unfortunately.

#elle asks

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a4wsome4fu0ck · 6 months

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Hello, I'd like to say some things regarding some points brought up via random viewers whether on "Oranges Side" or "Quartelz Side" however people put it.

I've been noticing with the picking on of older "Quartelz mishaps" that some say its not necessary for them to be in the doc. I'd like to point out that I'm pretty sure the mentions of past obsessions(that one vent) , copycat amv, examples of her behavior in dms, is there to showcase while some things she might've learned from, others she has not. Such as the petty and stuck up behavior she presents to her child fanbase a lot of the time (especially in her streams such as the clips displayed on Derpys channel)

As Derpy stated, the doc is to spread awareness about her actions, not "cancel her". To be 100% fair she's gotten away with a slap on the wrist for far too much, and she seriously needs to seek profesional help. I know some say its "justified" because she has a lot on her plate, and of course we can never know what's going on in someone's personal life, but if you're "trying to stay neutral" maybe consider that your idol isn't all that they're chalked up to be. "Pretty art" doesn't mean a pretty personality.

Both Orange and Quartelz did a lot of fucked up things, I'm not just here to dog on Quartz cause shes the docs main focus, the difference I think some fail to see is that over time, one party changed their ways, learned from their mistakes, and moved on (change takes time). While the other is choosing to remain petty and throw shade, as well as very harmful accusations (S/A) and even threats (Oranges birthday incident). Of course as said once again, everyone is waiting from a professional and REAL response from Quartelz other than hearsay from people stalking in her server, and her petty remarks in her stream. (refrain from stalking as well. it gets you nowhere, for both sides in this.)

I know people are angry and upset, the victims deserve better, Orange, Purple deserve to be left alone in peace. But no closure can be given if people aren't patient, as agonizing as it is. It sucks, but for anyone on "either side" Please do try your best to remain respectful no matter your opinion. Keep that in mind.

Apologies for the paragraph, just thought I'd give my own thoughts, thank you. Hope everyone is well.

Thank you for these words Anon.

While this message is up, we would like to make it clear again. We do NOT condone stalking in Quartelz server, medias, or any of their social inputs. We do not condone stalking from other parties ends as well; other parties meaning the other victims, people who spread awareness, etc. We do not condone harassment to any of these people.

The only time we would want to be made aware of anything in these medias is if it's directly shading the victims, a genuine concern, or something along those lines. However things like Quartelz playlists, old vents, are not our concern.

The minor things like playlists are not the big picture here; the big picture is that Quartelz has harassed these victims for months to years, and it needs to be stopped. It's that huge accusations have risen, and it needs to be addressed. The old vents and situations, example the vent videos, are not concerned by us as it was old feelings from years ago when Quartelz was a pre-teen on the internet.

We understand the haste of wanting a response, we understand the feelings that may come from Quartelz behavior, but even so, we want to make a responsible and open conversation about this situation. So please, if you are going to talk of Quartlez, Orange, or whoever in relation, have it be logical, have it be fair, neutral, and avoid harassment and bullying. We do not condone making fun of ANYONE involved in this.

We have waited roughly 7 weeks and more for a response for Quartelz. In fairness to her time, we want to give her 2 months to make a response as she's had the time to respond by now; but we understand things can come up, example her explaining that she's dealing with in real life problems. Reason why it seems people may be upset by this or think she is lying is due to Quartelz still drawing things that seem redundant to the situation, streaming, etc.

End of the day, all we want is an apology. This is going to take time and patience, and we are willing to give that for an extent. We appreciate everyones time and critiques and support throughout this document. The people involved are thankful, and we hope to see results soon.

#quartelz #animation meme community #animation meme

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spilledreality · 1 year

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1. Mimosa pudica, or an economy of signal

I remember reading an interview with a pretty successful/respected Army rangers battalion leader. Said one of the biggest advantages he got was, in the Iraq and/or Afghanistan campaigns, all the officers were constantly trying to suck the teat of big government, get as many resources as they could, even stuff they didn’t need. So, regular requests for supplies, little luxuries, time off, etc. “Why not? The Army’s got the money” was the logic—which, fair enough from an ethical perspective, but think selfishly now: This is actually self-defeating behavior.

Because officers who did this burnt out their credibility, burnt out the goodwill of supply teams and logistics officers. “Ah yeah he’s always asking for shit.” Eventually the system gets “numbed” because it can’t distinguish signal—it doesn’t know what’s actually important/needed vs unimportant/unnecessary.

Whereas—this ranger battalion head said—he never requested anything they didn’t absolutely need, had in fact turned down offers. “Hey, need any XYZ?” “Nope, we’re good.” “Are you sure? What about ABC?” “Nope, we’re good.” So that on the rare occasions he did send a message up command, making requests, they were granted immediately, without questions, without delays, and in full. Because it was assumed that if he was requesting something, it was absolutely necessary.

One way to think about this is as an economy of credibility—how much building a certain (typically respected/“good”) reputation gives you immense, outsized “manipulative” leverage when you need it. Manipulative in the sense of "getting things done by communicating."

There’s something wild about the way that, because I don't boss my partner around, I could, if needed to (e.g. we were in a dangerous situation), use a very serious voice and tell her to do something and she’d immediately do it without questioning, because if I’m “playing that card”—a card that is quasi economically scarce due to the numbing effect (i.e. its frequency-dependence)—she'll assume there’s a very good reason.

And you can get information out of situations by what cards skilled strategic players play—e.g. in the Milwaukee game the other day, Curry flipped out about a no-call on a three-point attempt to refs. On replay it really doesn’t look that egregious, but… it was early in a regular season game, the shot went in, it wasn’t like some tight final-possessions thing—it’s like, why would he choose now to play this card? If, that is, you think “refs taking seriously player complaints” has an “economy” to it. It’s almost—and this is amazing IMO—a more reliable signal of an egregious foul happening that he chose to play the card than any single replay angle on its own.

Abstractly: Player moves emit information about their experience of the environment, and when those players are more sensorily proximate to aspects of that environment, or more skilled at parsing and structuring that sensory input in a culturally schematized way (e.g. what contact is or isn't a foul), your observation of their observations (second-order) can be more reliable than your first-order observations.

What I’m trying to say is, once you assume players are strategically competent, you can do “algebra” on the world, using their choices of action to model events you might not have fully witnessed, the same way you can use responses + environment to model player agenda, or agenda + environment to forecast behavior. Which is maybe just what “theory of mind” entails, under it all. Triangulations of their knowledge state, the world state, their desires, and their actions. Like it sorta seems like this is how we navigate the social world already?

You know that shy plant? Mimosa pudica, sometimes called the shameplant, that curls to the touch? If you give it opioids, it stops responding. It is "numbed."

The other way you get it numb, get it to stop curling? Touch/stimulate it the same way, over and over, until it’s habituated (with all the undertones of pragmatist habit, or Bourdieusean habitus). It’ll respond to novel types of stimulations, just not the one it’s used to (i.e. has seen over and over, i.e. has learned). It’s all frequency dependence.

Regardless of what light group the plants were in, one drop was not enough for the plants to learn to ignore the stimulation. For the groups that were dropped repetitively, the plants stopped folding their leaves and were even fully open after a drop before the end of the trainings. The low light plants learned faster to ignore the dropping stimulation than the high light plants. When the plants were shaken, they responded immediately by folding their leaves, which suggests that the plants were not ignoring the dropping stimulation due to exhaustion.[45] This research suggests that the Mimosa has the capability for habitual learning and memory storage and that Mimosa plants grown in low light conditions have faster learning mechanisms so they can reduce the amount of time their leaves are unnecessarily closed to optimize energy production.

There’s some universal law here. I find sort of incredible—that a plant, despite not having a nervous system, behaves the exact same way as animals do in response to the same chemical. And that this mimics habituation, the sleepwalking that is a world perfectly expected, i.e. ready-to-hand. That difference jolts the system into awareness, and that there’s an economy of difference, and that we're constantly playing the numbers, stockpiling jolt-power.

Part 2

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