#since I feel like explaining and ranting about things should be two very separate activities

[villystinka]

self-reflect

this is not a rant

So I'm going to try to reflect on the lowest period of my life - end of 2019 to spring 2022.

The only way I can remember it is with what phases I went through like for example October and November 2019 I was obsessed with Avril Lavigne, December I was obsessed with Star Wars... I felt really down but don't really remember why. I'm pretty sure it was seasonal depression though

We going into 2020... God. First two months I was still obsessed with Star Wars and then Shameless but then quarantine started in march. I was 14 btw. Anyways .. I was living with my dad at our cottage which is in the countryside since in our apartment there wasn't enough space for me and my brother to study online. I had my own room at the cottage so it was perfect and I felt really free. I was obsessed with Harry Potter and 5sos and whatnot OHHH and Doja cat. Summer 2020 I went to the national round of the English Olympiad in my country and it was kind of exciting except there was covid and we didn't go to another town ... But it was okay. I think that was the last major competition I ever went to, I just didn't have the energy since then. Also summer 2020 I started anime LMAO. My first ever anime was orange❤️❤️❤️ it still has a special place in my heart and I watched it one night and it was 5th of July idk why I remember it. Anyways I had a very major phase with black clover and that's what I connect summer 2020 with. Except that I was almost every day third-wheeling but still going outside because I just couldn't say no to my friend (she's toxic btw and we're not friends anymore) when she called me to go outside with her fucking boyfriend. Keep in mind she was 14 and her bf was 20 at the time... We not gonna talk about that lol it's not my life anyway but she was Hella groomed and she had nothing against it, she was actively encouraging this kind of age gap in relationships .... Its not like she was suffering. Anyways. We going into September 2020. What I connect it to is my big phase with Naruto and then I watched fullmetal alchemist and then november-ish I watched death note but like in September we started school right and the separation between me and my friends started to feel real, although I kept contact w them throughout spring and summer 2020. Then we went back online in October-ish if I remember correctly. That's when it really started to feel bad but not really. That's actually when I downloaded discord and the reason was that when I was reading fanfics on wattpad I saw one of the authors I followed link to their discord server and I was like ok I'll join it! Met some ppl there but I'm not talking to them anymore but I was addicted to mudae 💀. Winter 2020 I connect to meeting a certain individual called David (he was 23 at the time and I was 15) and I fell in love with him but then I was ranting about it to my online friends in that server and they were like girl you're not normal HES 23. that's when I realized that age gap wasn't normal. Yeah anyways.... I also connect winter 2020 with haikyuu and Yuri on ice.

We going into 2021.. worst year fr. Started off with my jojo phase, and then MY AOT PHASE. I swear if I hadn't watched aot so many things wouldn't have happened. I joined a certain server and met so many of my current online friends and we've been friends for almost two years. They helped me ALOT throughout this period! Honestly I started drift off my irl friends and NOT because of my online ones but because of another reason.

Guess I should explain my whole relationship w my friends, that's exactly why I wanted to do this self reflect thing. Now that I'm doing better I can do a whole summary and look at it more objectively. They all already had build a lot more connection among themselves than I did with them even before I met my online friends. They were texting me at some point asking why I'm not texting them but they always made me feel like I was OBLIGED to do it and made themselves the victims and not actually considering the event in which MAYBE I'm not feeling well. Actually I'm still baffled whether I felt bad or not. I feel like the only thing keeping me alive was consuming media just to feel something. While sometimes I was feeling great there was always something missing you know? I knew I was isolating myself from everyone but I was rarely feeling bad about it until one point when I started feeling lonely. Before I didn't feel that way... Until like start of 2021 I didn't feel lonely at all. I felt almost free tbh. I felt like there wasn't school and I was in my own bubble "paradise" in which I was reading, drawing, watching shows, movies, anime etc. Man idk anymore. Then I met my online friends and I was sometimes talking to my irl friends about online ones and that was such a big mistake. It turned to the point when my friends would insult those people even without knowing them, just because they felt replaced or something??? You werent there, Emily. I'm quoting her: "If you keep talking to them, you're gonna lose all your REAL friends"

Yes I'm still holding a grudge about that. She wasn't there for me not even once and you expect me not to find a way to fill the void?? And when this solution worked for me at the time? I didn't have to look good to be friends with them. My past didn't matter, my anxiety didn't matter. We bonded over games, memes, shows, anime like??? Exactly what my existence was all about, the consumed media that we had in common was what bonded us, and we were doing fun things, like karaoke nights, dubbing over anime scenes, sharing funny stories from our lives, learning about each other and the fact that we were (are) living in different countries and could talk different languages was interesting. I learned a lot about different cultures/religions, I even fasted during Ramadan 😮. Anyways. One of my friends always said this:

Translation: "I'm surprised that you've ever went outside and not being on discord 🙃"

"I'm even more surprised you opened that message instead of being on discord 🙃"

Out of every possible way to approach this situation, in his place I would never say this. By the age of 15 aren't you supposed to be able to feel sympathy? Not even empathy, sympathy. Someone could've asked if something is going on and I would respond normally and I wouldn't feel so bad but this is not encouraging in ANY WAY, like no this is not encouraging me to go outside and hang out with you???? What were you trying to achieve??? And if I bring up this this to the person rn he wouldn't even feel bad. Explain to me how this is right lmao I'm not going crazy right??? He's wrong right???? I'm not all bad right????

Because that's exactly how I felt, I felt like it was all my fault. I didn't even vent to anyone irl, I realized I shouldn't burden anyone with my own problems (family) but exactly cz they didn't know anything they were assuming I just did that on my own whim, because I felt like it. No? But no one really asked what happened. That's why you don't know 🤦🤦 and now it's too late, I don't need comfort now. The real reason I felt so bad was my own thoughts, my own brain. If someone had told me that the battle within myself should be won by ME and me only, if no one could actually help, it would've kind of been different. If actually realized it.

[mootmuse]

'if you don’t like the fact that fandom's incredibly narrow focus on romance/sex is inescapable and relentless you can just leave lol bye homophobe' - like what completely walk out of the way I’ve enjoyed spending my free time for over half my life? just stop engaging with any aspect of any fandom at all for the rest of my life? fuck you

I’m not going to block that post because it’s a good way to tell who to unfollow but hot damn do i get. weirdly emotional whenever I see it.

I may be questioning my orientation labels but the way I engage with fandom has always been in a very ace/aro way, since way before I even knew those words or what they meant, and that has had an EFFECT. I love fandom and I always have - you can’t critique things you love? You have to love 100% of it and never ask that any thought be put toward you or people like you? I don’t get to at least WANT more room for people like me in this space that’s always been there for me in every other way? I have to just fuckin GO? fuck you fuck you fuck you

#d o n o t r e b l o g #i just had to rant okay #discourse cw #ace and fandom discourse to be exact #this is not meant to educate or explain or anything this is specifically a rant #since I feel like explaining and ranting about things should be two very separate activities

[nocek]

Don't spare us the long rant! We want to hear your thoughts!

Oh you are going to regret this ;P

So here goes my loooooooong angry rant about Taskmaster and also the Black Widow movie in general.

Let's start with my point of comparison. Captain America the Winter Soldier was a good movie. It's still in my top 3 Marvel movies as I'm sure is for many people. And statistically speaking everybody likes Bucky. He is like the most beloved side character right after Loki. I guess.

Anyway. My point is that Taskmaster and Winter Soldier have bit for bit the exact same building blocks: hypercompetent antagonist that is a serious threat to our hero who just can't win with in one on one combat. But then plot twist: our antagonist was just a victim and puppet without free will in hands of actual villain who is bland bureaucrat.

So why did Winter Soldier worked really really well and Taskmaster was just ehh.. ok?

Well the short answer is that catws was a much tighter movie that had clearer goal (and also that goal/theme was singular: good things get corrupted with time and sometimes you get to start over) compared to black widow which had to jump through too many hoops and still somehow managed it but it wasn't as graceful as it would be if they (as in executives) resigned from one or two hoops and flips and explosions.

And I'm omitting a BIG disadvantage of making a prequel movie about a character that they killed off in shitty way. Though that created one of extra hoops for them to jump through: quickly build up Yelena as a character.

And character build they did. Because srsly Yelena is awesome and I love her. BUT. That came at a price.

Lets compare to catws. The new character there is Sam (and kiiiiiiiinda also Natasha a bit but that's a topic for a different rant) who is nowhere near as well build as Yelena. At the beginning. Because he had time to be fleshed out and naturally grow in few different movies and then we got a deep dive in the Falcon and the Winter Soldier.

But Marvel can't give Yelena few movies because she will appear in Hawkguy an Hawkeye series and also Marvel is generally dividing their assets into: outer spaaaace, down to earth heros and magic stuff (aliens, androids and wizards ;P). But also they can only create so many things in a year.

So yeah. Yelena offtopic can be summarized that I love that we have her as we have her but it came at a cost of air time of the movie.

So comparing the movies again:

Catws had the theme of good things being corrupted with time. And the theme was underlined 3 times through Peggy, Bucky and then Shield/Hydra. Which are interconnected and also make nice scale from inner conflict of the main character to the outer conflict of the movie.

In Black Widow there is the topic of the past evil that never went away and is still taking away free will from people. And again we have it shown through 3 outlets: Yelena, Taskmaster and Black Widows. But there is also whole family subplot attached to Yelena and there is Red Room attached to Black Widows. So as you can see things are getting crowded. Which in turn make the theme a bit blurry.

I mean, sure, the Red Room should be the Shield equivalent. Even it could take smaller space because good Shield turns out to be evil Hydra is generally more time consuming to explain than Red Room bad. But still combining Red Room and Black Widows make things a bit crowded.

(There is a reason why the surprise subplot of there is more Winter Soldiers was in separate movie and was kinda handwaved and cut to minimum. But they couldn't do that here).

But it's time to stop my ranting about whole Black Widow movie and focus on comparing Taskmaster and Winter Soldier.

Because to be honest both are bare bones of character and more of an carte blanche in the movie. Both have barely any screen time yet there are colossal difference which stems out of:

first introduction: as I mentioned they are hypercompetent and unstoppable threat that you can't win with, you can only hope to run away (both done equally well)

programmable killing machine:

For Taskmaster we just get a scene with her watching other heroes fighting at the screen. For the sake of building up the mystery of character we think that "he" is just watching. Maybe learning or more likely just being creepy. The information about the chip and literal programming is given to us much later in the movie which makes this scene lose the power. idk how it will work on rewatch? Maybe better? Hopefully. right now there is too many new movies in cinemas to go for a rewatch and disney+ still isn't available here -.-

For Bucky we have literal torture scene. You just can't be more blunt than that. It also hammered the next point in.

there is human behind the mask:

Winter Soldier is introduced with full face mask which he gradually loses and then we have the big reveal of not only: that's a human but also that's a human our main hero cares about deeply.

With Taskmaster they fucked up it for chap plot twist. We are learning quite late that oh snap that's Antonia (that we don't really care about) and our main hero kinda feels guilty about her.

I think the big difference is what kind of character Steve and Nat are and also the way they reveal this secret. Steve actively recognizes Bucky by himself and is very openly shocked. Nat is passively told and shown that hey, this is Antonia. And there is no time in the movie for Nat (and for us) to be shocked because that's the 3rd act and we need time for explosions and stuff.

Besides, the problem is that all the big plot twist reveals are boring on rewatch (stil big props for Pacific Rim and giving us the monster reveal in like second minute of the movie, I will never not appreciate that).

Also on related shitty note. We the audience. Bucky is handsome and vulnerable and we can drool all over him (and oh man, we the fandom did a fair share of drooling). Antonia is disfigured and not sexualized in any way. Which I'm actually grateful for but there is no pretending that doesn't make a hell lot of difference. But that's a whole different, ugly and big topic I'm not remotely qualified to write about. I'm just angry ranting here.

they don't have free will:

For Winter Soldier we have amnesia + torture tropes which to be honest have been done over and over again and it shouldn't have worked as well as it worked. Bit it did. In context of Black Widow movie it worked because it was just one guy that actively broke through brainwashing with active help of the hero.

In Black Widow there is a lot of characters that are pasively "woken up" out of mind control over and over again by active protagonist. Unfortunately the repetition kinda cheapens it. Especially in comparison to main gut punch right in the feels scene in the other movie. Which is why it's not fair to compare the two.

So lets talk about lack of free will aspect itself. To be honest the mind control aspect in Black Widow was done really great from story perspective. Evil scientists perfected it to the point it being (bit handwavey but) completely impersonal but also completely dehumanizing to the subject. So I'm buying that it can be completely switched off in equally efficient and impersonal way. Even the way they explained it with Alexei the pig was great and terrifying... to a point. Because then kicked the main problem with this movie. Clearly some execs came and saw it and went whoa... that's too dark for pg13 blockbuster. Let's put some cheap jokes here. And it happens over and over again in this movie :S

humanizing flashback scene that ties them to main hero:

For Bucky, sure we had Captain America First Avenger but a movie needs to stand on it's own legs. That's why we have the flashback scene which shows us that Bucky cared about Steve. Leaving it at the narration in Smithsonian of "best friends since childhood" would be just telling us. And we needed to be shown and we needed a space for the "till the end of line" so it could come back and stab us right in the feels.

Also because we are ignoring previous movie Russos cleverly made us care about Winter Soldier because Steve cares about Winter Soldier. And we already know and like Steve so building up our main character gives us more mileage out of new bare bones character (because let's be honest, Winter Soldier is just that). Two birds one stone thing.

In Black Widow there is no such thing which IMHO is the main reason Taskmaster doesn't work. We just get information about cardboard cutout: insert cute little girl here (only told, not even shown actual cardboard) and all of the emotional connection to Natasha is: I know that my boss that I hate has a daughter, she got in the crossfire. Which means nobody cares.

All it would take is adding a short flashback scene. idk Dreykov is an asshole and doesn't care about Antonia but she is she cutest and most adorable little girl. She treats the Black Widows as older sisters. Hell if you want to make it more horrorish copy of the idea of Thor wanting to be a Valkyrie when he grows up or T'challa wanting to be a Dora Milaje. Little Antonia wants to be Black Widow when she grows up because they are badass and they are nice to her (and are also slightly confused by her) because she is nice to them and is only person that treats them as humans. Hell we could have short interaction between her and Nat. Just a smile between them would be enough.

You could get a lot of character buildup mileage out of such a short scene.

But it couldn't happen partially because the movie didn't have time for that but we didn't get that mostly because it would show us instead of telling that Nat killed a cute little innocent girl for her own personal gain. (well she thought she was destroying Red Room but mostly wanted to get away - vide she didn't check on Yelena or other widows. But I wouldn't hold that against her. It was put your oxygen mask first kind of situation. But still it would make her look bad)

Besides, that would take guts to actually show.

And technically they could have afforded to have that guts. That was last movie with Nat anyway. It would actually make this plotline about her feeling guilty about Dreykov's daughter and red in her ledger work. But well... It was last movie so they wanted to leave us with the most goodest and bleeding hartest and heartwarming mary sue version of Nat with just telling us without showing hey, she got dark past.

On the other hand if we had the rumored Endgame plotline of Nat running an orphanage. Damn that would tie to this plotline so well. We could tie the loose widows also. Dam we were robbed here I tell ya >.<

Ok I'm overdoing offtopic about Nat. Sorry

design

So yeah. Design wise Winter Soldier is like great. For Taskmaster, she sure looks cool but also kinda generic? If in 10 years you'd show me her and say it's antagonist from GI Joe or something I'll believe you :S (not touching the debate that in comics something something because unfortunately I don't know Taskmaster from comics. Although I hear that few recent ones were quite good so I'll check them out sooner or later)

snapping out of mind control

I mentioned before. It would be unfair and there is no point comparing main emotional scene of the movie versus means to an end that were repeated several times through a movie.

Natasha freeing Antonia even if she thought that Antonia will kill her because that would fair was great. What I'm annoyed is a cheap fakeout that went with that. It was just after the bombastic finale with explosions and all the cgi shit. Even without looking at the movie runtime it was obvious there will be no extra fight scene.

In catws it worked because the cgi pew pew extravaganza was a background noise and was part of a continuous fight. In BW helicarriers fell already, there was a second of dust settling and then Nat throws away the shield (uses that capsule). Tension just fell from highest place in a movie (quite literally lol), trying to rise it again for such a short moment just doesn't work.

But that's the general problem with Marvel movies. Bombastic CGI fest as grand finale that probably is "outsourced" and then actual director comes back and needs to end movie super quickly.

disappearing act at the end

So in catws there is mystery of what will Bucky do. We are given some hope since he dragged Steve out of river and visited the museum but thats all. I mean there is this annoying Marvel thing of skipping over the interesting ending of last movie and starting with next plot point. We were hoping for the grand roadtrip/hunt for Bucky but nope. We must run ahead with all the plotlines (same way I'm sure that the Spiderman is Peter Parker and he killed a guy thing will be already dealt with in the beginning of the next movie -.-) But that's bonus mini rant.

In BW they needed to wrap up to many plot lines too quickly so Antonia wakes up and that's all. We don't get a suggestion what she may do. The problem of the chip she still has installed is omitted. There is nothing. She just fucks off to lalaland with other Black Widows the end. Because we needed ending for Nat's actual family which was ok but also kinda rushed.

As I mentioned waaaay before (god, this rant is pretty long) too many hoops to jump through.

Which really sucks because if they added that one flashback scene just for Antonia and spared few more minutes for the overall ending it would work so much more better.

And I even know where they could have saved few minutes (besides the explosions thingies). The supply guy. One extra character in a movie with too many characters. In catws the supply problem (with wings) was solved with nbd shrug. If you wanted to show that Nat has her own web of contacts it should be more than one guy. IDK in Budapest there could be 10 second scene with neighbor saying hi nice to see you again we reinforced the walls after last time. In Norway we could see her visiting some special secret supply stash run by some rando before getting to the mobile home.

But oh she was on the run so that would be too many people. Then cut the people entirely. The shitty helicopter can be worked around with joke that I'm not on speaking terms with Stark rn and that's the best we can have on short notice.

Eh.. side rant again. Sorry.

So to wrap it up. I actually really would love to see what will happen with the loose Black Widows and Antonia because here they were really underdeveloped. And while widows were more of a group hero and we have Yelena as a representative so in a way it balances out but Taskmaster needed so little extra care to make her character so much better and I'm a tiiiiiiny bit salty about it.

#text post #long post #very long rant #black widow #black widow spoilers #black widow movie #black widow 2021 #taskmaster #antonia dreykov #i kinda doubt we will see her again #but one can hope #if anyone actually read through all of this congratz! #and thank you #let me hug you #(and I'm sorry it's so long)

[ificanthaveu]

Paper Rings || Shawn Mendes

Description: After a little too much procrastination, your boyfriend helps you learn a craft to teach your students. Very loosely based off Paper Rings by Taylor Swift.

A/N: I have had just “paper rings” sitting in my notes literally since Lover came out. Then I added a quick one line of what I wanted to happen a few months later. And FINALLY the other day, inspiration struck and I came up with this cute lil thing. ALSO the fact that there’s absolutely no angst in this??? who am i??? Hope you love it anyway :)

Word Count: 2.6k

“Have you chosen your activity for the Fall Festival next week?” The principal of your school asked as she poked her head into your room. 

You looked up from the dense pile of worksheets you were grading before you looked at your calendar next to you to see that the due date was tomorrow. 

“Shoot, no, I haven’t,” you said through a sigh as you set your pen down and leaned back in your chair, cracking your knuckles and stretching out your back just to glance at the time and see it was already after 5:00.

She walked in and sat at the chair next to your desk and glanced down at the papers. 

“Are you doing ok?” She asked with a small smile. “I know the first year teaching can be hard.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” you said with a quick head nod. “Guess it’s my fault for assigning so much work.”

“It happens,” she said with a shrug as she picked one of the worksheets up to look at the math you were teaching your second-graders. 

“I guess I just got caught up in things at home and got distracted from the many things I hadn’t graded yet,” you explained. 

“Everything ok at home?” She asked hesitantly. 

“Oh, yeah! I didn’t mean to sound like that was a bad thing. My boyfriend just travels a lot, so I get caught up in it every now and then,” you said as you glanced down at the framed photo on your desk from a vacation you took the summer before. 

“Well, I know everyone is going to tell you to keep those two things separate, but it’s hard not to. As long as the two of you understand that you both have your own things to take care of, the rest falls into place. He seems like a really great guy,” she offered. 

“Thanks, Beth,” you responded as you started packing up some of the papers in hopes of finishing a few more tonight once you got home. 

She stood up with you, handing back the worksheet and giving you one last smile and wave before heading out of the room. 

You let out a sigh as you checked your phone to see a few messages from Shawn asking when you’d be home. You sent him a response that you were on your way before locking up your classroom and going home.

You could smell the pasta coming from the kitchen the moment you opened the door. John Mayer was playing through the speakers as you walked through the dining room, instantly feeling relaxed.

“Hey,” you said softly as you walked up to Shawn stirring the sauce on the stovetop. 

He looked up at you and smiled before leaning closer to press a quick kiss to your cheek before turning off the burners. 

“Just a few more minutes, and dinner will be ready,” he said before straining the pasta. 

“Sounds good,” you said before setting your stuff down in your room and making your way back to him, wrapping your arms around his torso from behind as he rested one of his hands on top of both of yours, your cheek pressed firmly against his back.

“You ok?” He asked cautiously, craning his neck back to get a peak of you. 

You let out a sigh and nodded your head as best you could. 

“Yeah, just a long week,” you mumbled.

Shawn’s grip tightened against your hand as he mixed the pot once more before turning around and placing his hands against your cheeks.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” He asked softly, his breath fanning over your lips. 

You pressed a quick kiss to his lips before saying, “Yeah.”

So Shawn scooped the pasta on to two plates and poured two glasses of wine (“I know it’s a Thursday, but you can’t have pasta without wine. That would be a crime,” he claimed when you fought him on opening a new bottle) and met you at the table where you now sat in running shorts and an oversized t-shirt.

“It’s my first year teaching, and I get that they can’t teach you everything in college, but shit, I feel like I know nothing sometimes,” you ranted as you poked at your food. “And then on top of the actual teaching, you have to make sure the kids are ok mentally and everything is ok at home and they have materials outside of class to work with and now I need a craft for the damn Fall Festival.”

“A craft?” Shawn questioned after setting down his glass. 

You sighed before leaning back in your chair. 

“Yeah, there’s a day in the fall where the kids do a different activity in each room. I was told about this weeks ago, and I still don’t know what to do,” you said. 

“Any ideas at all?” He questioned. 

“I’ve been thinking we can just meditate, so I can sit in silence but something tells me elementary schoolers wouldn’t think it’s that fun,” you said. 

Shawn stifled a laugh as he nodded his head, “Personally, I would be in, but I do realize I’m not seven.”

“Every time I thought I came up with something unique, I’d check the sheet and someone else already took it, so I’m open to absolutely anything you have,” you said as you set your fork down.

“You could just turn on music and do a dance party?”

“Taken. The music teacher came up with that one at lightning speed.”

“Hm, ok. What about just coloring? Do fall themed coloring pages?”

“Taken.”

“Friendship bracelets?”

“Taken.”

“Oh, huh, well…” he trailed off as he stared at the ceiling with a crease in his eyebrows. His hands flew up and back down to his legs dramatically. “Paper mache?” 

“Yuck, way too messy,” you said with a nose crinkle.

“Origami?” He said with eyebrows raised. 

You cocked your head to the side and studied his excited expression as you thought about it. 

“That could actually work,” you said quietly as you grabbed your laptop from the counter to look at the sign-up sheet. “And no one has it!”

“Perfect! Easy! You can do those little fortune things!” He said, making the back and forth gestures with his hands to get his point across. 

“I feel like I could tailor it to the grades, too. Like the Kindergarteners could do something easy like a basic paper airplane, and the fifth-graders could do something more complicated like those little swans,” you said as you started to pull up instructions. 

“Do you know how to do any origami?” Shawn asked as he peered over at your screen. 

“No, not at all,” you said. “Well, I used to be able to do it when I was younger. I was actually pretty good, but I can only remember how to make a heart now.”

“Well, you’ve got some learning to do,” Shawn said as he grabbed your plate and glass. 

“We have some learning to do,” you corrected him as you shot him a sweet smile. 

He leaned against the counter and looked at you from across the room with a deadpan look on his face. 

“We?”

“We.”

He sighed and hung his head before looking back up at you. 

“You know I’d do anything for you, and you take advantage of that a lot,” he pointed out. 

“I know,” you returned as you continued opening up new windows to look for new shapes. 

“And to think if you didn’t procrastinate, we could’ve just made a child-friendly playlist to dance to,” he whispered in your ear as he leaned on the back of your chair, looking over your shoulder.

“Don’t talk about it,” you squealed as he pressed kisses down the side of your neck.

The next night the two of you had patterned origami paper and instruction sheets scattered across the kitchen table as you both attempted to learn how to make a chair for the chair and table set you were going to have the third graders make. 

“I’m confused. What does this arrow mean?” Shawn asked you as he pointed to one of the pictures. 

“You tuck it into the slot,” you said as you showed him yours. 

“I don’t have a slot.”

You looked up from your nearly finished chair to see that he was right. He had no slot. 

“How did you manage to do that?” You asked him as you studied his shape. 

“I have absolutely no idea,” he said as he stared at it with you. 

You tossed it in the trash bag before either of you could think about it any longer. 

“Hey,” Shawn said softly as he stared at the trash bag. 

“I already have it figured out, so you don’t have to keep struggling,” you said as you placed your small chair in front of him. 

“It’s so cute,” he said quietly as he placed it by the table he had figured out a half-hour ago. 

“Ok, now let’s work on this jewelry set for the fifth-grade girls,” you said as you placed a packet in front of him. 

He flipped through it and scanned over the directions. 

“A packet?” He questioned as he gave you a look. 

“Yep,” you said through a yawn.

“I think we should call it a night,” he said as he pushed the pages toward the center of the table. 

“No, let’s just keep going,” you said as you widened your eyes for a second as you stared at the directions. 

After a few moments of silence and Shawn waiting for you to buckle, you finally did. 

“Ok, let’s go to bed,” you finally mumbled after crumpling the half-done charm. 

“That’s what I thought,” Shawn said as he stood up and held his hand out for you. 

You gripped onto his hand as he pulled you to your room, pulling you under the covers with him immediately. You landed on top of him, your legs settling on either side of his waist as you buried your head into his chest and his hand ran up and down your back.

“I’m so proud of you,” Shawn whispered as his other hand tangled into the ends of your hair.

You adjusted your head so you could look up at him.

“Thanks, bub,” you said back just as softly. 

“I could just never do what you do,” he started, shaking his head for a moment before continuing. “Like, the stories you tell me and the kids you’ve bonded with and the influence you have on them. You’re really making a difference in these kids’ lives. I don’t think you notice that as much as other people do.”

You stayed quiet as you mulled over what Shawn had just said. 

“I just feel like sometimes I’m still not doing enough,” you mumbled.

“Hey,” Shawn whispered harshly, tapping your back to get you to look at him. “It’s your first year, and you’re doing the best you can. The kids love you and feel comfortable with you and they’re making progress and that’s all that matters.”

You stayed quiet, choosing to stare at your dresser instead of Shawn, 

“[Y/N],” he mumbled. 

Before you could answer, he flipped you over, hovering on top of you as you looked up at him. 

“You’re an amazing teacher, and you’re only going to get better and better. I love you, and I love what you do,” he said before pressing a kiss to your forehead. 

“I love you, too,” you said as he smiled down at you. “And I am a good teacher.”

He laid back down next to you, pulling you against his side before you looped one of your legs around his.

“The best teacher,” he repeated. “And soon the best teacher who also does some decent origami.”

The next morning, the two of you dove into the jewelry packet as you drank your coffee. Shawn figured out the star charm pretty quickly as you worked on a heart version. Shawn eventually moved onto a ring as you folded small pieces together to make a bracelet. 

“This is stupid,” you mumbled as you added the last piece and throw it in the middle of the table. 

“I think it’s gorgeous,” Shawn said as he picked it up and tried to slip it onto his own wrist. 

“It was made to fit a fourth-grader,” you pointed out.

“Are you saying I don’t have the hands of a fourth-grader?” He said as he gave you a pointed look.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” you said as you flipped to the ring instructions as well.

“Done,” Shawn proclaimed as you barely made your first fold. 

You glanced up at him to see him proudly holding out the ring in front of him. 

“I hate you,” you mumbled as you tried the next step.

Shawn grabbed your hand before you could make the next fold and slipped the ring onto your left ring finger. You looked from him to the paper ring as he just stared at it. 

“It looks good there,” he said softly as he ran his thumb along the top of it. 

“Yeah, it does,” you replied as you looked back up at him. 

Comfortable silence flowed between the two of you as Shawn continued to hold your hand in his. After a moment he cleared his throat and pulled away, moving to work on the final piece and leaving the ring on your finger. 

You didn’t take it off. 

And it stayed there as the two of you finished learning all of the steps and packing up the paper and instruction packets to bring to school with you on Monday. 

After spending the rest of the day cleaning up the house after a long week, Shawn laid in bed and waited for you, scrolling through his phone. 

You shut the door behind you before you crawled in next to Shawn and buried your head in his shoulder with your arm draped over his middle. 

“You’re still wearing this?” Shawn asked as he fiddled with the paper ring still on your finger. 

“Mhm,” you mumbled as you held it up. “I always wanted a pink paper ring.”

“Think we can switch it out for this one?” Shawn said as he pulled out a black velvet box. 

Your breathing stopped as he opened the box to show you your dream ring. 

You shot up as your hand flew to your mouth. Shawn slowly sat up as well, holding the box tightly in his hands. 

“Will you marry me?” He asked with a genuine smile on his face as tears streamed down your face. 

“Yes,” you choked out as you lunged on top of him, wrapping yourself around him as he held you tightly. 

You leaned back in his lap, holding your shaking hand out as he removed the paper ring and slipped on the new one. 

“Much better,” he whispered before finally pressing his lips to yours. 

“I would’ve married you with the paper one,” you whispered against his lips as he smiled. 

“I’m well aware. That’s why I had to switch it out as soon as possible,” he said through a laugh before you pressed another kiss to his lips to shut him up.

“I think I like this one a little better,” you said as you leaned your head on his shoulder and looked down at the ring. 

“Only a little?”

“Yeah,” you sighed. “I have to keep you humble.”

You could feel him laugh against your shoulder before the two of you moved back to laying down. 

“Do you want me to make your wedding band out of origami?” You asked him after a moment of silence. 

“Absolutely not.”

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[strangertheory]

"anti-Mileven"

I know you submitted this as a message and not an Ask, but I hope you don't mind if I answer your question with a longer post because this is a topic that is important to me but is complicated. I've meant to do a post about this, but kept putting it off because it is a very layered topic for me and my thoughts about Mileven are probably not what a lot of fans want to hear.

I respect that everyone develops an attachment to their preferred couples in stories for personal reasons, and as such any criticism of the dynamic between two characters that are dating can feel like a very personal criticism. I respect everyone's head-canons and favorite ships as sacred ground: I don't want to tell anyone how they should or should not relate to a story. That's unique to each of us as fans, and we will all enjoy Stranger Things for different reasons.

However: I do have some thoughts regarding the way that the narrative has established the dynamic between Mike and El. And I personally do not find their dynamic *as it currently is* to be one that is ideal for either of them yet.

I really care about Eleven and I really care about Mike. They are two of my favorite characters in the story.

To say that I'm "anti-Mileven" is a huge oversimplification of how I feel about Mike and El's dynamic.

I am very much anti:

overlooking the fact El has been treated as a lab rat and abused and isolated from society for the majority of her existence and her ignorance of her own identity and her own desires is repeatedly reinforced canonically. ("How do I know what I like?") El has spent only a few months out in the world beyond her cell at the lab and beyond Hopper's cabin, she knows very little about the world yet, and she is being taught much of what she now knows by her boyfriend who also happens to be one of the few people she interacts with in her daily life. The power difference and social difference between them is huge currently regardless of whether Mike is a nice kid with good intentions or not, and they are both fourteen years olds.

overlooking that it is superficial and not representative of a "deep" relationship to only kiss and make out with a significant other and not do other meaningful activities that establish a real day-to-day relationship (like hanging out with friends and other loved ones as a couple.) There's a popular misconception that the act of two people kissing is inherently romantic and a sign of emotional closeness. But kissing becomes romantic psychologically when two people share a deep affection for one another that is based on shared experiences and emotional and psychological connectedness. If two characters can be shown to care about one another without ever physically touching, they have the potential for a deep connection that is based on more than the thrill of physical affection. Give me a well-developed relationship first, and then kissing will seem romantic to me. Without an established psychological and emotional connection between characters, kissing is merely a superficial representation of the idea of intimacy between characters without any actual substance underneath. Sure that's what kids do when they're figuring out how dating and feelings and physical intimacy work and it's not harmful in itself provided that they are both comfortable with it, but keep this in mind within the context of the other concerns I list here.

trivializing Mike's dishonesty and blaming Hopper for Mike's lying when the truth is Mike could have easily explained to El that Hopper didn't want them spending as much time together and having some space would be better. El is well aware of Hopper's dislike for their time spent together. This should have been a very easy conversation. As Lucas rightfully asks as Mike is ranting about the situation he got himself into: "Why lie?" Good question, Lucas. Good question. El asks Mike this again later at the mall. "Why do you lie?" Mike stares back at her with an awkward expression, and does NOT answer her. Why is this answer not an easy one? Why has Mike still not addressed things with El? I think there is more going on here than just Hopper's threats.

I am very in favor of:

El learning more about who she is and what she wants to do with her life outside of the desires and expectations of other people.

Mike figuring out how to effectively express his thoughts and feelings honestly. He is clearly struggling to do this throughout season 3, and it is uncharacteristic of the kid who defiantly said and did what he wanted frequently in seasons 1 and 2. Clearly Mike is not comfortable and is nervous, which is understandable for someone exploring new emotionally vulnerable territory like dating for the first time, but he needs to learn to be honest and tell people how he is thinking and feeling or else he is also putting himself and his feelings and needs at risk and potentially establishing an unhealthy relationship that will hurt him and hurt others even if he doesn't mean to. Mike's nervousness is STILL present in the final goodbye scene in which Mike and El talk, and El tells him she loves him and kisses him. He is still stumbling over his words and anxious, and he seems notably confused after El kisses him. These small details are not trivial, they are clearly intentional.

Recognizing that Mike is the first person her age that was kind to El when she escaped the lab, and given that she has only known pain and abuse her entire life and has never known friendship let alone romance that her psychological readiness for understanding a romantic relationship is NOT the same as an ordinary 14 year old's and this cannot be stated enough.

Recognizing that societal pressures and personal insecurities might be a huge factor in how Mike clings to El's attention and affection for him, and that there is evidence in the story that supports this interpretation. We know that Mike is bullied frequently, and that there is a layer of homophobia often involved. (Even if James and Troy were speaking rudely about Will, they were still directly confronting Mike. The implication is there.) We know that Lucas yelled at Mike "No Mike. You're blind. Blind because you like that a girl's not grossed out by you!" This reveals that Lucas knows that Mike is insecure and wants validation. Just because Mike has a desperate desire to be loved and liked by a girl does not mean that his appreciation of El's attention is based on his genuine romantic affection for her. Mike might be dating El because he enjoys the attention, he likes being liked, and he likes how having a girlfriend makes him feel more accepted and normal.

Recognizing that every moment that Mike has tried to share something that he is passionate about with El (the Yoda figurine, the dinosaurs) she has been completely disinterested. Since El has no cultural connection to the pop culture stories Mike loves and she lived in the Lab her entire life, it makes perfect sense that she will have no interest in these toys. Her lack of interest in what Mike is passionate about, however, is worth noting: not because it's a bad thing, but because it's just one of many reasons they are "not even from the same planet" and cannot bond and connect easily. El has lived an incredibly different life from Mike, has suffered through so much, and is still learning about the outside world and about herself. She is severely behind in social and personal development. She needs time to learn and to grow and to heal so she can live her best life and recover from what she has been through. (She doesn't really care about your Star Wars toys, Michael, because she just learned what a phone is and is processing a lot of other things right now.)

*I want to credit @kaypeace21 for pointing out many of these particular observations listed above: you can read her very detailed and extensive analysis in her post here: El is Not in Love with Mike.

These are just a few of many thoughts I have regarding Mike and El's dynamic together, and why I find the romanticization and idealization of their dating relationship to be more suited to fan-canon and fanfiction. For El to have a relationship with Mike that I would personally enjoy and appreciate, the story would need to convincingly allow her to establish a notably better understanding of who she is and what she wants, and have time to heal from her trauma and learn a lot more about the outside world. While I suspect that the Byers moving away will be very difficult for Will, in many ways I think it will benefit El tremendously and I hope that she is given more opportunities to learn and to grow.

I also agree with @hawkinsschoolcounselor 's hypothesis that Mike is projecting his feelings for Will onto El. It's impossible for me to see Mike's dynamic with El as entirely separate from Mike's relationship with Will because El was found in the woods when they were looking for Will in season 1, El helped everyone find Will in the Upside Down and saved his life, and El reappears at the end if season 2 and saves Will from the Mindflayer. Until season 3, El's appearance in Mike's life has been directly tied to Will's survival and safety. I do not think this is a trivial aspect of El's narrative. El's importance within the larger story being told is repeatedly tied back to what Will is dealing with. The reason that El and Will's narratives are so deeply intertwined has not been revealed in the story yet, but I suspect that there are some important aspects of El and Will's stories that haven't been fully revealed yet that will bring all of these seemingly isolated plot threads together. The creators of Stranger Things repeatedly tie El and Will together visually and narratively (re: @kaypeace21), and I believe there is a very specific reason for this.

I look forward to seeing what happens in season 4. Whether my interpretation of El and Mike's dynamic is fair or not, I trust the writers have a compelling next chapter in their story for us all to enjoy.

#anti mileven #antimileven #anti-mileven #stranger things #stranger things theory #but not actually anti mileven I am tagging it that way because I am critical #so fans can choose to not read my thoughts

[ariainstars]

Feminism (and Not) in Star Wars

Warning: unpopular opinions ahead.

 During the last few years, I have often heard and read people arguing that the Star Wars sequels are “feminist”, that Rey in particular is a Mary Sue and, at worst, that “feminism ruined Star Wars.” So, I would like to add my two cents. 

It cannot to be denied that the end of the sequels, and with it of the saga as a whole, is highly dissatisfying. But feminism is not what caused it.

The sequels are not feminist at all. Especially not in Star Wars, where the greatest hero Luke Skywalker had ended the conflict through compassion and forgiveness. TRoS in particular is a slap in the face of female dignity and virtue, both for the male protagonist’s mother and for his love interest. 

Unfortunately, and that is one of my major issues with the sequels, many things are not being said or explained. This might be due to the fact that Episode VIII was subversive and that so many classic fans ranted and stormed against it; but that didn’t prevent Episode IX from showing, if not saying, a lot of things. 

Star Wars is all about subtext, that’s what makes it compelling. Please:

Read between the lines.

Look at what is not being said but shown.

Compare the attitudes of different people in similar situations.

  Rey

„You cannot deny the truth that is your family.” Lor San Tekka in The Force Awakens

  Rey was introduced as a positive female character but then, over the course of three films, her moral corruption was displayed under the lame excuse of a black and white morality (“I am all the Sith” vs. “I am all the Jedi”).

Rey seemed like a reboot of Luke Skywalker at first, but watching her throughout TRoS we see her fail in all instances where Luke had proved himself a hero.

  - Luke had forgiven his father despite all the pain he had inflicted on him and his friends. Rey stabbed the „bad guy”, who had repeatedly protected and comforted her, to death.

- Luke never asked Vader to help the Rebellion or to turn to the Light Side, he only wanted him back as his father. Rey assumed that she could make Ben Solo turn, give up the First Order and join the Resistance for her. She was thinking of her friends and her own validation, not of him.

- Luke had made peace by choosing peace. Rey fought until the bitter end.

- Luke had thrown his weapon away before Palpatine. Rey picked up a second weapon. (And both of them weren’t her own.)

- Luke had mourned his dead father. Rey didn’t shed a tear for the man she is bonded to by the Force.

- Luke went back to his friends to celebrate the new peace with them. Rey went back letting everyone celebrate her like the one who saved the galaxy on her own - the woman who was tempted to become the new evil ruler of the galaxy and had to rely on the alleged Bad Guy to save both her soul and her body.

- Luke had embodied compassion when Palpatine was all about hatred. Where he chose love and faith in his father, Rey chose violence and fear.

- Luke had briefly fallen prey to the Dark Side but it made him realize that he had no right to judge his father. Rey’s fall to the Dark Side did not make her wiser.

- Confronted by Vader’s disclosure of his true identity Luke was forced to face himself, to realize that he had been judgmental, arrogant and biased; and after the initial shock he accepted his origins as a part of himself. - Rey did not reconcile with Palpatine as a part of herself. (When she says to him “I don’t hate you” it’s not a sign of superior attitude. It merely shows that she sees him as separate from herself.)

- After realizing what he had done to his nephew, feeling responsible and disillusioned, Luke went into exile for years waiting for his death. - Rey also was appalled at herself, but she spent just a few minutes on Ahch-To until Luke appeared to her, this time telling her exactly what she would have wanted him to say to her on her first visit on the island. This scene was so ridiculously opposite to his attitude in TLJ that I believe he was a fantasy conjectured by her like Ben’s vision of his father.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Rey failed where Ben had been strong.

- Ben killed Snoke to save Rey. Rey killed Palpatine to complete her Jedihood. (Or at least, what she believes being a Jedi means, i.e. “being always right and winning at all costs”.)

- Ben loved Rey despite all she did to him and took away from him, and she didn’t even honour his name in the end.

- Ben knew the stories of Luke, Vader and Palpatine well enough to wanted to end the Jedi and Sith at last and start something new and better. Rey only knew scraps of old tales and wanted to have them her own way.

- Ben had been under an evil influence in his mind since before he was born; when he finally turned to the Dark because he had nowhere else to go, he was 23. Rey gave in to her Dark Side minutes after meeting her “mother” in the Death Star ruin; the same happened to her again with Palpatine on Exegol.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  On the ruin of the second Death Star, Rey is at her lowest on the same spot where Luke had won over himself thirty years before in RoTJ.

- Vader had provoked Luke to make him turn - Kylo hadn’t.

- Vader hat traumatized Luke - Kylo had protected and spared Rey repeatedly.

- Vader hardly had had a kind word to spare for his son (except perhaps when he said to him “It is too late for me, son”) - Kylo had comforted her and shown her his human side.

- Vader had lured Luke into a trap twice in order to keep him by his side. - Kylo hadn’t, on the contrary, he wanted to prevent her from running into Palpatine’s trap.

- Luke did not know what had made Vader the way he was when he came to find him, but he was adamant to save him. - Rey knew by the time of their duel that Kylo was largely also a victim, and she stabbed him to death.

- Luke always fought fair. - Rey used the distraction made by Leia’s reaching out to him to impale him - the way she had seen him impaling Han.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  It is ridiculous to say that it’s a victory of Good over Evil when a young woman uses Jedi training to kill her master’s own son, who was on the defensive, with his mother’s help and blessing. That their weird connection, which was already introduced during the first two films, is explained by way of their being a dyad (one soul in two bodies) only makes it worse. Rey will rather kill the man she belongs to, or die herself, than admit that she needs him. If that is supposed to be “feminism”, it’s a very distorted idea of female independence and strength. Just like it’s not automatically “feminism” to make a girl pose as the heroine because she wants to be a Jedi no questions asked.

Fans discussed and argued about Rey’s family for years; it was a great move in TLJ when she admitted her parents were “nobodies” and that they left her on purpose. It was refreshing to see her carve her life and personality on her own. TRoS shattered this by making her the descendant of the most powerful man in the galaxy; and what’s worse, she wound up being a usurper just the way he was, taking over the Skywalker mantle.

  The sequels are feminist only when the audience believes that it’s a happy ending if a female ends up alone with no one standing in her way. They are told from her point of view, so as viewers we will automatically believe that she’s the heroine and root for her (or not, but still believe that it’s her story). Looking only at the bare facts, Rey is much less heroic than she first seems.

  At the end of TRoS Rey is alone with two dead people behind her, on a desert planet in company of a droid and with an old, wrinkled woman as her only interlocuter, the way she began, and her mind still has hardly developed beyond that of a child. She is willing to embrace the legacy of both Skywalker family and Jedi although the fate of Ben Solo should have taught her how fu***-up both of them were.

  Rey doesn’t want to see. She’s in denial like when she pretended that her family was coming back for her on Jakku. Inside, she is still a child - everything she did was motivated by her desire to find the belonging she ardently craved. She can’t be blamed for that. But does that make her a “strong woman”, or even a “Mary Sue”, like many annoyed viewers claim? No.

  Leia 

“If you will not turn to the Dark Side, then perhaps she will.” Darth Vader in Return of the Jedi

There is something I find much worse than Ben’s patricide or Luke’s panic attack at the Jedi temple. Those were actions spurred by the moment and provoked by Snoke, and both men regretted it immediately. Leia’s behaviour shows an unpardonable attitude for entire decades. Being a trained Jedi herself, she could have taught her son - instead she sent him to his uncle. This seems a practical choice since she was politically active while her brother wanted to start a new Jedi Order, but from the novels we learn that Ben heard his parents arguing and talking about him like he was a monster ever since he was a child, and that when he was sent away this seemed to confirm to him that something was wrong with him and had to be fixed. (From the novels we also learn that he actually had no ambition to become a Jedi and wanted to be a pilot - true Skywalker and also Solo that he is -, but he had no say in the matter.)

 After the tragedy at Luke’s temple and the rise of the First Order, Leia fought with the Resistance for years knowing that her own son was on the other side. What if she had met him and been forced to kill him (or if he had come into the situation, as we see in TLJ)? In TFA, she sent his own father to bomb Starkiller Base knowing well that their son might be on board. Leia had felt Snoke’s influence on Ben’s mind when he was still in her womb; so, she knew he had been manipulated for decades, but when she heard of his fall to the Dark Side, she automatically assumed he had made the choice to be “evil”. Only after he had been a part of a criminal organization for years Leia sent her estranged husband to him. She only reached out to him when she was on her deathbed, and I still am not certain whether she wanted to help him, or to make him stop fighting against the girl she had adopted in his stead. 

Would Padmé have left her own son in the dumps? Never. Padmé refuted Obi-Wan’s disclosure about Anakin’s fall to the Dark Side adamantly, and went to a volcanic planet alone, with a highly advanced pregnancy, to see a terrorist and murderer because she still saw the good little boy he had been in him. And she would have gotten him out of that hell had Obi-Wan not interfered. If you don’t believe me, watch the scene again: Slowly but surely, Anakin’s expression changes totally on speaking with his wife. Padmé was literally reaching out to him, and she was succeeding. Love, as always, was stronger than anything else in him. And Padmé believed in her husband until her very last breath. “Obi-Wan, there is still good in him.”

Din Djarin, the Mandalorian of the eponymous tv show, is an outcast who earns his living with dubious business and has killed his fair share of people. But had anyone attempted to do to his little protégé what Snoke did to Ben Solo, I don’t doubt he would have marched on the Supremacy and strangled him with his bare hands. (At least, he would have died trying.) Han would probably have done the same, but Leia deliberately never told him of Snoke’s influence on her son’s mind ever since before his birth. By the time she finally does, as we witness in TFA, their son has been Kylo Ren for six years. 

Leia, the princess, the general, the war heroine, had feared her son before he was even born because she sensed that he was like her own father. But she had no qualms and no fear accepting and instructing the granddaughter of her worst enemy. Why? 

Because Rey doesn’t waver. She has no doubts. She is not conflicted between both Sides of the Force. In Leia’s eyes, Rey is pure Light Side, so she embraces her wholeheartedly as the child she always wanted. As far as I can remember, Leia has never, the way her brother did, offered love to anyone who didn’t fight on her side. And Rey, who had angrily confronted Luke for his moment of terror which “created Kylo Ren”, did not consider for a moment Leia’s responsibility towards her son. Despite training with Leia for a whole year, she never tells her about Luke’s failure which pushed her son into Snoke’s clutches. Nor does she realize that Leia’s love for her is not unconditional but that it is parallel to her Jedi training. Rey literally becomes both a little girl and a Jedi with Leia, down to wearing pure white for the whole of the last instalment of the trilogy. 

Most fans admire Leia for her rebellious, spirited nature. Nothing wrong with that, but it’s not necessarily such a good thing if one spends one’s whole life fighting instead of learning how to preserve peace. Leia is adamant that the side she’s on must win. Like every Jedi before her, she does not know, want or even consider that what the Force actually needs is Balance; and that both her father and her son were not evil because they were strong on both Sides, but that this meant they might have found balance, had they not met opposition to this in everyone they knew. 

Leia never approached her relationship to her father (at least as far as I know), never tried to understand him better and forgive him the way her brother had. Considering what Vader had done to her and her friends, she can’t be blamed for pushing away her memories and living in terror of the Dark Side. However, on the long run her incapacity or refusal for introspection is not a strength but a weakness. The one who paid the price is her son, and with his fall to the Dark, the whole galaxy again became prey to the terror that she herself had always fought against in first line. 

Vader had been right after all: Leia did fall prey to the Dark Side, though unknowingly. Not only did she give up on her son, she actively helped evil come back to the galaxy by believing to do the right thing: she trained Palpatine’s granddaughter, taught her to deny her own fears and weaknesses, gave her justification for her actions, helped her killing her own “evil” son. If that is not the Dark Side’s influence, I don’t know what it is. Leia denied her son’s potential for good and given up on him long before his fate was sealed, and in the same way she closed her eyes on Rey’s potential for evil. The same “bad” son had to prevent the girl she had taken under her wing from becoming what the old devil Palpatine had in mind, at the cost of his life. 

 Conclusion

 I am not an advocate for feminism on principle. If females can be independent and self-assured, if they shed the cloak of “damsel in distress”, on the downside this also means that they can be or become villains just like men. Many people tend to believe that a woman is naturally better, kinder, softer than a man. The Star Wars saga never bowed to this cliché.

 The idea that a woman does not necessarily need a man is positive on its own, but it becomes poisonous if it undermines female trust in men. Star Wars has a long story of lonely, unhappy men (all three generations of Skywalkers), who were denied their natural right to be needed by their women and to keep their families together. One of Anakin’s dilemmas was that he saw Padmé as being too good for him and wanted to prove to her that he was equal to her in his own way. Ben, ironically, felt that he was not good enough for Rey because he was tainted by his larger-than-life heritage, so he wanted to “let the past die” and start something new and fresh with her.

 A man naturally wishes to protect others, in particular wife and children. But in all three generations, we find these men whose personalities are split in two and cannot reconcile the two halves of their self: Anakin / Vader, Luke / Leia, Ben / Kylo. Due to the similarity in his two names, I expected the last of the Skywalker blood to finally heal the wound in his personality and become one. Had anyone wanted and needed both, Ben and Kylo, he might have. But Kylo was an aberration to everyone including Rey. Kylo was a villainous figure and as a male, he was aggressive and arrogant; but at least he made his own decisions and had chosen his own name, things Ben Solo never got to do.

 This is not to say that the sequels are against strong females or prefer the guys over them: no, the guys f** up at least as often as the women do. But to pretend that Leia’s and / or Rey’s portrayal is unrealistically positive and that “feminism ruined Star Wars” is either extremely short-sighted or a mockery of femaleness.

 It is true that women have more and larger roles in the ST, but I can’t see anything wrong with that. Not any more than with the fact that in the OT there was practically only Leia (the few other female characters almost had no impact on the story), and that there were few females in the PT, too. The Jedi Order consisted almost only of men, and you hardly hear anyone complain.

 I know that many fans dislike Anakin and Ben, but please let us consider why.

 One reason is that in an action movie we usually value coolness in a male protagonist above everything, and that the Skywalkers are hot-headed by nature. Most fans prefer Darth Vader, Han Solo and the likes to the Skywalker men.

 Another reason is that the filmmakers have deliberately manipulated our emotions. The prequels are told from everybody’s point of view but Anakin’s, and the same goes for the sequels with Ben, despite the fact that the trilogies are about them, not about “the Jedi superheroes saviours of the galaxy” or “the almighty and untainted Skywalker family”. So, as viewers we automatically identify emotionally with anyone but them. We never get to really know the “villain’s” point of view, we only see how other people react to them; and since these reactions are much more often negative than positive, we get to the conclusion that both of them are inescapably evil, that they chose to be so, and that they deserve their terrible fate.

 My suggestion: rewatch both trilogies again and this time try to look through Anakin’s or Ben’s eyes. (And possibly also read the novels and the Kylo Ren comics.)

  You could be surprised.

#star wars #rey #leia #ben solo #han solo #luke skywalker #emperor palpatine #kylo ren #the Force #the Jedi #the Sith #bendemption #darth vader #anakin skywalker #the force awakens #the last jedi #the rise of skywalker #return of the jedi #revenge of the sith #feminism #read more

[girl4music]

Early morning perusings: A 'thing' is both thought and form. Thus, everything is beyond our understanding.

Without 'yin' and 'yang' there would be no experience of anything ever. And the whole thought of that is incomprehensible to me as there wouldn't even be 'thought'. And 'thought' is the fundamental of every 'thing'. That is not an exaggeration. A 'thought' is a thing in it's fundamental existence. In fact, most would probably say that a 'thing' cannot exist if it is ONLY thought and not form. Well, in that case, there is many formless things we need to reconsider calling a 'thing'.

'Love'.

'Energy'

'Electricity'

'Harry Potter'

If only form is a 'thing', then there is much about our existence and experience we should not call a 'thing'. So what else can we call it instead? An "idea"? A "concept"? A "substance"?

Thought exists if "things" exist. There would be no "thing" without thought. So to distinguish the differences between them is really quite pointless. Because 'form' itself is just another type of thought from the mental type. It is just one with energetic development behind it. And because two or more people can see and hear and feel "form"... It is often assumed that that is what is 'existence' and what is 'reality'. But like I said... If that is true, then there is much about 'existence' and 'reality' that we miss. The entire human experience is both of thought and form. So much so that there really is no separation or division between them. So that means that when the potential is excluded, the understanding is half-done. It means half of the understanding of reality... Or of existence...

Of the very "science" of it...

...

Is missing.

And you see, this is what Albert Einstein was trying to do. He was trying to unify all understandings of reality or of existence. He basically said that if the point was not to understand existence fundamentally, then there was no point to existence at all. Now that I disagree with, but I do understand why he thought that. Our understanding was incomplete in his eyes. In his mind, 'The Universe' was not unified because it was not understood entirely. I would rather put it as The Universe does not need to be entirely understood, but humanity should realize that "understanding" is what "The Universe" actually is in it's own experience. The Universe is fundamentally a formless thing. One formless thing at that. And that is why a "thing" of any form exists to us. Now to entirely understand that is impossible. Even for a genius, as THE GENIUS himself found out. It cannot be entirely understood. Only partially. And that's because only a part of what is going on is included in that understanding. The other part is excluded. Denied even.

I think a problem we have in understanding 'The Universe', of existence itself, is that we understand it in 'parts'. Because the thing is that there are no 'parts' to existence. It's all or nothing. The very nature of 'existence' is for everything to come and go together. There is no "part" to it. Form and thought come and go together. Form and thought imply each other. Form and thought are within and without of one another. How can you possibly "understand entirely" that?

I love Einstein, don't get me wrong. I thought he was brilliant. I do still think he is brillaint. But he was in way over his own brillaint head if he truly believed "unifying" the theoretical meant entirely understanding 'The Universe'.

"The Unified Field Theory".

How bold. How grand.

Realistic? No. Effable? No.

No theory will ever work to understand 'The Universe' because 'The Universe' does not need theory. WE NEED IT! And that is just something we do not get. Will not ever get. The fact that we think existence or reality itself needs a reason, needs an answer to exist or to be real. So I propose instead we should change the way we think and believe about reality or existence itself because our experience is fundamentally a "thoughtful" one. Before physical interaction there is the connection of mind and matter. A connection of which is so truly seamless, you could not distinguish one from the other. Nor should you. That is the only "understanding" we should have of reality or existence. Anything beyond that is a fool's game. We'll never truly see the end of our introspection if we carry on trying to "understand" passed and beyond our experience. That won't work. I am putting forth a suggestion that our experience should be what we understand 'The Universe' to be. And not just OUR experience of it but that of the experience of everything that is capable of experiencing. That of consciousness. That does not 'negate' or 'exclude' form. It does not deny the 'physical' or the 'tangible'. It does not make 'fantasy' more important than 'reality' or make 'theory' or 'philosophy' more important than 'science' or 'mathematics'. I am simply saying it ALL GOES TOGETHER. You cannot 'part' nature. That is what science is currently doing and has been attempting to do for decades. Getting to the bottom of it by slicing the very fabric of 'nature' in half. And they still believe that is the answer. And what for, exactly? What is the need to answer for? What is the POINT? What you're trying to do is better UNDERSTAND reality. Not better actual reality. And I suppose the excuse is that if you understand it better, you can actually better it. No... Better understanding it often leads to worsening it because science does not know when to leave well enough alone. And to think I am just some random white girl from some random town with a mind that is far too active in the early hours of the morning saying this. Postulating is fine and is fun. Attempting to use that postulation as a means to pack the entirety of The Universe in a pretty neat basket? Or to cut it down so that the mathematical equation fits on a t-shirt (e=mc2, anyone?)... Which is exactly what scientists and philosophers alike try to do on a daily basis... That's a fool's game. You'll be there forever and you'll miss out on the actual joy of experiencing. Of living. Just as Einstein did. He was so absolutely wrapped up in his equations and his theories that he forget to actually Live Life and neglected his family. He got lost in his own brillaint head and died unresolved.

I would honestly love to continue Einstein's work on the Unified Field Theory. Because it is without a doubt a brillaint theory, that could explain so much about how existence even works. But if it also means taking on his beliefs and his insistence to exclude quantum physics... I'm not interested. Because unlike him, I believe classical and quantum physics are happily married. I see no quarrel between them. He always did. And yes, it has a lot to do with my personal worldview. I won't deny that. I am biased towards my own personal understandings. But it also has a lot to do with the fact that I believe all worldviews are viable and can and will work together whether I agree with them or not. Whether I think they make logical sense or not. I don't agree with classical physics - or at least much of it. I think it is the wrong understanding of reality. An incorrect picture of existence. But despite that - I do also think it is very useful and beneficial to evolution. To have a wrong and incorrect way of understanding is not necessarily a bad thing so long as you don't close the book on everything else. Every other understanding, point of view, worldview... As long as you stay open-minded and open-hearted. Wrong and incorrect understandings have helped us shape reality from purely thought into form. Have helped us "create" much of The Universe... As well as "destroy" it. Humanity always needs a reason to do anything, right? Albeit a very bad one... But that's subjective of course. But I'm not gonna go into that.

I don't think it is lost on us as a species that this world (Earth) is one of thought and form tied together. Not most of us at least. But it is lost on us that this world (Earth) is a metamorphosis in constant change and evolution. An organism of it's own generation. And it is certainly lost on us how WE fit into that. Or indeed, are also, that. And as a logical opinionated person who does use understanding to a great degree in their conclusions about reality and existence, I think that is a perfectly plausible explanation to reality and existence. It's one that does not disclude "God" or "The Big Bang" or any other interpretation whatsoever. It is one that does not completely side with either classical or quantum physics or of "relativity VS quantum", as the age old debate goes. It is one that does not deny the "spiritual" or the "mechanical" worldviews of The Universe. It is one that is open-ended. And I am always willing to see any and all sides of the argument as I am one that believes in evolution in every way possible and that everything contributes to evolution in every way possible. Yes, even the Darwin "evolution" interpretation as restrictive as it is. I think it's all viable. I don't think any one theory or interpretation nullifies the other at all. Even if they completely contradict. Even if I completely disagree or have bouts of cognitive dissonance on it. I just think it all works in the sense that 'yin' and 'yang' works. Yes, that is the interpretation and worldview I go with most over all. But there is always room for others, for more or different information, and I welcome a great rousing debate on the subject. I don't take the argument so seriously. It's fun to me to peruse and prod existentialism. I believe it is possible to not see the 'The Universe' in 'parts' while still understanding everything has a part to play in it.

I think we take words too literally sometimes. Terms and definitions should be loose, not literal. Especially since they're made up in the first place. And going back to my original rant, I said that a thing would not be a "thing" without thought. Well, it would also not be a "thing" without word either. And while I do agree that words are important to experience. I don't agree that they should be used to term and define it - or nature. And this is because everything IS nature. And you cannot term and define the everything. You cannot box in The Tao. In many Eastern cultures The Tao is 'God'. It is beyond 'God' even. It is The Everything there is. Including that of which CREATES and DESTROYS The Everything there is. It is the fundamental source and fabric of reality and of existence itself . Of ALL THAT IS. And I understand ALL THAT IS as NATURE. And I stop right there. I don't go any further than that because words can only go so far if they are ever useful to understanding anything at all. Thoughts also... Only go so far. At some point you just have to give it up and take it as being beyond you. Beyond your capabilities and capacities to understand. And believe me, in spiritual circles, that's as "enlightened" as you're ever going to get. Ever going to achieve. If you want to move beyond that, you're setting yourself right back on the path to delusion. It is beyond you to move beyond it. In scientific circles, that's the equivalent of letting your theories or logic overcome your common sense and practicality to actually do "science". There is a point. It's not for me to say whether we should or shouldn't step beyond that point. Or insist it. But it is my belief we shouldn't. A belief based on the evidence being so far that we just make things much worse and much more complicated if we try to. And based on the consequences of that means living and experiencing takes a backseat. Goes into the background. That should never happen. Living should always be forefront of every picture we paint. The quintessential experience of everything is nature itself. Is 'God' itself. Is Tao itself. And I just think to want to go beyond that or to need an answer for that... That's a fool's game. I won't play that game. I'm not a fool.

I understand everything as 'yin' and 'yang'. The principle and process. The what and the how. I do not attempt to understand beyond that. I do not need to understand beyond that. Because I understand everything as 'yin' and 'yang', I understand how life itself connects and contradicts both at the same time. I understand how it is happily married and unhappily divorced at the same time. I need no further understanding than that.

'Yin' and 'yang' is it for me.

Done.

#philosophy #yin and yang #the tao #albert einstein #unified field theory #the universe #nature #reality #existence #experience #thought #form #thing #physical #spiritual #mechanical #understanding #theory

[alextriestowritestuff]

Mark of Athena Re-read

Hey guys! If you’ve been keeping up with my last couple of posts, you’ll know I’ve been re-reading the Heroes of Olympus (HoO) series by Rick Riordan, starting with the Son of Neptune. If you want to my thoughts on it (spoilers included) and my background with the series, click here. I made a little bit of rant post about my feelings about the HoO series overall so far and you can find that here! This post will be about the Mark of Athena (MoA) and as always, spoilers abound.

Soooo y’all...I think this book is worse than the Lost Hero. I feel so bad for saying that bc I hated tLH (Like I’d give that book 2 stars) but god, this was so bad. No wonder I forgot what happened when I originally read it. Before I get into it, I will say I’m usually not negative in my ‘reviews’-I’ll give credit where it’s due (I did that in tSoN with Hazel and Frank who weren’t really my fav characters to start with) but this book has very little redeemable aspects imo. So I’ll start with the thing I was most irritated about: Piper.

Piper...Piper...Piper. Gods, none of her chapters ever passed the Bechdel test. I DESPISE her and I hated every single one of her chapters. With characters like Frank, I admitted that sometimes his chapters were a bit boring but I never hated the guy’s narration. Piper, however, is an insecure hypocrite. Let me show you.

So at one point, Annabeth, Piper, and Hazel meet up with Aphrodite. The POV is Annabeth’s and while Aphrodite is talking to them, it seems like Piper is just embarrassed to have her around. 

“Mother!” Piper said. “You’re embarrassing me.” “Well, I don’t see why,” the goddess said. “Just because you don’t appreciate my fashion tips, Piper, doesn’t mean the others won’t. I could do a quick makeover for Annabeth and Hazel, perhaps silk ball gowns like mine—” “Mother!” 

And a few lines later she says again “ ‘Mother, Piper said, “is there a reason you’re here?’” (30). 

Okay so someone tell me why this girl says 10 pages later “But also, Piper was secretly hurt not to have her mother to herself. Aphrodite had barely looked at her. She hadn’t said a word about Jason. She hadn’t bothered explaining her conversation with Reyna at all. It was almost as if Aphrodite no longer found Piper interesting. Piper had gotten her guy. Now it was up to her to make things work, and Aphrodite had moved on to newer gossip as easily as she might toss out an old copy of a tabloid magazine” (40). LIKE GIRL MAKE UP YOUR MIND. Do you want your mom’s attention or not? But I’m highkey interested in what Aphrodite said to Reyna tho.

Let’s talk about Reyna for a second. First off, I feel so bad for her?? Percy turned her down-fine, he has a gf. Then I thought Jason had feelings for her but he says this in MoA, page 19: “It’s just…I never felt that way toward Reyna,” Jason said, “so I didn’t think about its making you uncomfortable. You’ve got nothing to worry about, Pipes”. Like damn can Reyna get any love?? I get that he doesn’t like her anymore since he met Piper but to have never liked her? That’s rough. And notice how this quote is from page 19, but again on p. 40, Piper is still so insecure in their relationship. I don’t she’s listened to a word he said at all. Then towards the end of the book, she says oh I love you but she literally didn’t know the man’s age prior to that. Like what?? Did they even kiss this book? I think like once lmao. Also speaking of the birthday thing, Piper says this while she waits for Jason to blow out his birthday candles.

“Well?” she urged. “Blow out the candles.”

Jason did. Piper wondered if he’d made a wish—hopefully that he and Piper would survive this quest and stay together forever. She decided not to ask him. She didn’t want to jinx that wish, and she definitely didn’t want to find out that he’d wished for something different. 

Me @ Jason: This your girl? Come get her. Because Imma hurt her feelings. What do you mean you want him to wish to stay together forever? He should wish for Gaea to you know die so everyone can be safe. If I ever met Piper in person, I’d fight her. ON SIGHT. 

In a related note, I’ve got nothing to say about Jason. He was fine. He passed out alot during this book, didn’t do much for how hyped his powers are supposed to be. I will say when he and Percy were possessed and they fought each other, Percy totally won that fight. He knocked Jason the hell out and was about to end his whole career until Piper got Blackjack to knock him out. But overall, I think Jason’s rather bland and him and Piper have NO chemistry. But I don’t think he deserves insecure Piper as a girlfriend. She’s a whole ass child of Aphrodite and she’s worried about her relationship...let me move on.

My main issue with the book lies in the structure and plot. The previous two books had 3 narrators and each set of trio had a specific prophecy assigned to them-i.e: Percy, Hazel and Frank had to free death, retrieve the eagle. The prophecies are a catalyst to get them to go on the quest. And then obviously, we have the overarching prophecy of the seven that will come to fruition in small chunks until the last book of the series. That’s fine. So the issue with MoA is that now Rick is handling seven characters + Coach Hedge (like why was he necessary??). He has 4 POVs which threw me the hell off bc we had 3 in the previous two books and honestly, I think we could’ve gone without one of them (Percy’s actually). As a writer, it’s hard to balance multiple characters in the same setting constantly. If they have a conversation, one or two of them will have less lines because other characters have already said them. Therefore to give everyone adequate ‘screen time’, Rick had to separate them by keeping groups of three or two on their own side quest. As a result, however, reading the book felt like I was being brake checked constantly. Ex-We follow Percy, Frank, and Hedge to an Aquarium then we follow Annabeth, Hazel, and Piper to meet Aphrodite, then they encounter the Romans, then Piper and Jason meet Hercules and get the horn and so on. Like they’re constantly shifting and doing stuff but not going as a group so it feels like I’m constantly trying to catch up. There’s too many pit stops for my liking. And I deadass have no idea what most of it had to with the MoA prophecy. 

This disjointed-ness is what makes me rate it lower than tLH. Because while I didn’t like Piper or Jason in that book, it was still cohesive. There was a plot and it was followed. Another reason I might feel this way toward MoA is because Rick has a formula and it’s starting to be predictable. Think about the original Greek myths-there’s one main demigod like Hercules, there’s a quest, there’s godly interference so it makes sense the the PJO/HoO characters have the same thing. But all this talking to gods (esp gods we’ve already met like Aphrodite) is taking up so much space and slowing the plot. It also didn’t help that the minor villians in this book are all unlikeable?? All they did was talk. Otis and Ephialtes. Porchy and Keto. Arachane. All they did was talk. Here’s how to defeat a PJO/HoO villain: con them to help you/let you go or fight them. That’s it. 

This book is where I started to really regret reading the series. Like I was just over it. The plot was somehow slow and all over the place at the same time. The last couple of chapters were good because I was like finally, something relevant to the prophecy is happening. 

Let me leave you guys with some positives about this book though:

1. Annabeth’s POV. What a gal. When she faces Arachane, Annabeth mentions that she doesn’t have an active power like the other Seven but she has her intelligence. And I’m like yes girl, you are brave and everything I want to be. I would read the PJO series from her POV over this series.

2. Percabeth. They kept promising to come back to each other and my heart melted. Percy was so worried about letting her go follow the Mark but he knew it’s what she had to do and he let her go. And ugh, them falling got me all over again. And like just their chemistry is off the charts. Piper and Jason could never. 

3.  Percy’s comments about Luke. Percy realizes that he’s around Luke’s age when Luke went all ‘Gods are bad, their children are pawns’ and like I get chills from reading that passage because you can tell Percy’s tired. He can’t have a life because of these quests, he’s constantly moments away from dying. He never really got a chance to be a teenager. And I get he wants to help people and keep the world from being taken over by bad guys but he’s also human. He’s seen demigods die...he’s traumatized. Like Percy, I really understand Luke better now (right idea, wrong execution) and l see how tired Percy is. 

4. The Leo/Hazel/Frank disaster of a love triangle. Like I’ve mentioned before, I want Hazel, a THIRTEEN YEAR OLD child, to be left the hell alone when it comes to romance. But because Uncle Rick insists on pairing up everyone, I have to oblige. So here I am. The amount of times I cackled at Frank and Leo’s digs at each other is astronomical. Like shots were fired, no one held back. I was like is this even MG/lower end of YA anymore with all this salt?? Over the years I’ve been spoiled about the series so I know that Leo somehow ends up with Calypso so I know nothing will come out of the love triangle (and it seems to be wrapping up bc Leo and Frank complimented each other’s abilities toward the end there) but passive aggressive-ness was peak. 

5. Every single conversation between Reyna and Annabeth. Like two powerhouses talking about wanting to save their camps and the world. I loved it. Hands down. I hope they can be friends when this is all over. 

6. And lastly, the reunion of Percabeth. The Judo flip. The fact that Percy talked about having a future with her. 

Thanks for reading if you made it down here and I’ll see you guys in a couple of days with my House of Hades update. This book and the one after it I’m reading for the first time ever so I’m going in semi blind (like I said, I know some spoilers). I’m currently on chapter 2 or 3 of that and ermm, it was a weak intro but I’ll keep going :) rooting for Percabeth to make it through. 

#Mark of Athena #Percy Jackson #Percabeth #HoO #Read with me #alextriestowritestuff #writeblr #not writing #reyna ramirez arellano

[homespork-review]

Homespork Act 4, Part 2: Flight of the Paradox Groans

BRIGHT: Remember Spades Slick being bizarrely aware he was in a comic, back in the Intermission? Buckle up, things are about to get even more fourth-wall-breaking. Appropriately, this starts by the comic focusing on an actual fourth wall, which activates to show...Andrew Hussie.

Hussie’s MS Paint avatar notices the audience watching him, laments that his side of the wall doesn’t have an off switch, and then recaps the first year of Homestuck.

Now, in all fairness: The recap is thorough, full of links, and explains things fairly well. It’s quite long, but given how much territory it has to cover I’m not sure it could be any shorter. So it does its job well, and it’s a boon if you’re getting lost with the plot.

As for the author insertion...on this occasion I don’t mind it. It comes across as tongue-in-cheek, but framed more as the author talking to the reader than as the author inserting himself into the narrative. It’s definitely very Homestuck.

Anyway, AH gets back to work, and after a couple of false starts we return to John!

John is still flying around with his jet pack. GC trolls him to offer him a world map of LOWAS and tell him she feels awful about killing him, although in literally the next line she tells him that technically he never even died so she doesn’t understand why he’s so upset. John understandably finds this disturbing. They have a brief nonsensical discussion about Jesus/Jegus, and then John agrees to go take a look at what’s on the other side of his Second Gate. Yes, on the advice of someone whose previous advice got him killed.

CHEL: Almost a shame we didn’t set up a Too Dumb To Live count, but then to be fair that was a separate timeline and he’s probably not thinking of it as something that “really” happened. This is supported by his later dialogue.

FAILURE ARTIST: The word Jegus is really popular in the Homestuck fandom, used far more often than it is in the canon. Gets quite annoying, in my opinion. Actually, a rather Jesus-like figure does appear, but he’s not called “Jegus”.

CHEL: Yeah, I think only Terezi, John, and Dave ever use the term, but it somehow became latched onto as an actual term used by trolls in general, even though in canon it isn’t.

BRIGHT: Fortunately, this time GC appears to be playing nice. John flies though the Second Gate and emerges...into LOLAR?

FAILURE ARTIST: Hussie does an amusing trick where he has what looks like a loading screen for a flash but it’s actually a still image eternally at 2%.

BRIGHT: Yes, it’s LOLAR. John promptly crashes into Rose’s house, smashing through a wall and into her bedroom, where Rose is still snoozing in her knitting pile. Apart from briefly being stuck upside down, he does not appear injured by this collision.

Rose has somehow slept through the commotion. John decides to let her rest and borrows her computer to talk to Dave.

The first one he talks to is actually Davesprite, who points out how moronic John was to listen to GC again. No arguments here! Then he explains how the Gate system works: Odd-numbered Gates, above players’ houses, lead to somewhere on their planets. Even-numbered Gates lead to other players’ planets, exiting over their houses. Normally they aren’t meant to go through even-numbered Gates until the houses are built up, so they don’t fall to their deaths, but fortunately John has a jetpack workaround. So far Davesprite is living up to his promise of being straightforward.

John realises he’s talking to Future Dave, and asks “do you think i could talk to the real dave for a second?”

...ouch, John.

Davesprite goes off on a tear, ranting that he is a real Dave — arguably the realest Dave, since he’s been running around LOHAC for months trying to get enough information to save everyone. John apologises sincerely.

CHEL: This won’t be the last we hear of this theme, though.

EB: i think i pissed off your future self. TG: what did you do EB: i said he wasn't the real dave. TG: ahahahahaha EB: i think i might have really hurt his feelings though! TG: pff TG: dont worry about it EB: why not? TG: cause i wouldnt give a shit TG: and hes me

BRIGHT: Not a hundred percent sure I believe Dave, there.

CHEL: Dave uses John to snoop around Rose’s room and get the captcha code for her journals. Classy, Dave. Not a SLAMMER point, however, as this does come back to bite him very soon.

Rose’s dreamself has awoken on Derse, the purple planet, and flies across to the opposite tower. Dave’s dreamself appears to be awake, sitting upright in his computer chair; the room is entirely an unsettling bloody red colour apart from the SBaHJ cartoons on the walls, and… oh shit, there’s Lil Cal again, now in a long purple nightdress and hopping around the room on his own. If Rose was having nightmares because of dreamself issues, I can only imagine how Dave’s nightmares must look. Rose throws a ball of yarn at Dave’s dreamself, alerting him, and causing the awake Dave to pass out.

Back in Rose’s room, it seems that Charles Barkley quote was not misattributed:

FAILURE ARTIST: Another SBaHJ reference in the book quote. Is that where Dave got it?

Still, I don’t recall this book ever coming up again. Just another item that seems like a Chekhov's Gun but isn’t.

CHEL: John feels guilty about opening his birthday gift from Rose, but reasons that it’s technically now his anyway, so he does, finding another bunny, this one black and filthy-looking except for the pristine knitted purple patches repairing it, though its shape is eerily familiar.

The gift in this box is a resurrection. I used your present to thread life anew into a tattered heirloom. As long as I can remember, its black, greasy appendages have been tethered limply to its ratty, porous carriage. Too delicate to wash, too dear to discard. I used to love this rabbit. Now he's yours. I trust you'll find this to be adequately sentimental. Happy birthday.

Oh my gosh, awwwwww. Even if you don’t ship them romantically how can you not love their interactions? Definitely one of the comic’s strong points. Also I need to go hug my childhood teddy bear.

John puts the bunny back in the box again and the box in his sylladex, freeing Casey the salamander while he’s at it. And let’s just take a minute to feel utter horror because dead John still had Casey in his sylladex, so the best option is that she died too, and the worst is that we have an And I Must Scream situation on for a baby salamander. Gah.

FAILURE ARTIST: Thanks, I’d never thought of that and I never want to again.

You aren't actually sure if she is a girl though. You don't even know if salamanders can be girls. Aren't they hermaphrodites or something?

CHEL: No, for the record. Though some frogs can switch from one to the other.

FAILURE ARTIST: Casey is very popular as a name for an OC child of John (often having Rose as the mother).

CHEL: John answers Rose’s Pesterchum, upon which GA is half-heartedly sending antagonistic messages. John answers on Rose’s account, saying that Rose is asleep, which GA takes for Human Sarcasm, prompting John to pretend to be Rose.

GA: I Should Figure Out How The Viewport Feature Of This Application Works GA: So I Can See What Such A Primitive Creature Looks Like TT: haha, well i know what you guys look like. TT: you look kind of like... TT: howie mandel from little monsters.

Wait, how does he know? Am I forgetting a point at which he saw them?

BRIGHT: I always assumed that he was just goofing around and his guess happened to land in the right ballpark, but thinking about it, I’m not sure the kids ever express surprise at the trolls’ appearance.

CHEL: John, pretending to be Rose, talks about how awesome John is.

GA: He Is Either The Leader Of Your Party Or You Hold Whatever The Human Equivalent Of Mating Fondness For Him Is

CHEL: Both. Both is good!

FAILURE ARTIST: Knowing what we do of troll culture later this is an odd statement. Heck, it’s just an odd statement. Maybe this is why people think trolls don’t do friendship.

CHEL: John apparently confuses GA by saying it’s because Rose is thoughtful and John appreciates his gift, and suggests GA talk to John.

TT: why don't you pick the time that will make the most complicated mess out of everything imaginable?

GA sounds very annoyed, and leaves, intending to have the conversation with John that she had previously. We see her, GC, and the horns of AT and an unknown troll in the grey room, now revealed to be a computer laboratory. For some reason she chats via Pesterchum with another troll instead of just walking over to talk to them. This new troll is twinArmageddons, an appropriate name for the circumstances, who type2 iin yellow text liike thii2; he is, as it turns out, the hacker guy GC mentioned earlier. TA is busy setting up the network and seems irritable in general, and is not willing to help GA work her viewport.

TA: iif ii 2ee one more 2narl of wiire2. TA: kiind of juttiing out and beiing tangled or whatever. TA: ii am goiing two perform 2ome 2ort of athletiic fuckiing 2omer2ault off the deep end and get a call from the pre2iident or 2ome 2hiit.

Nice callback, but trolls, as we’ll later find out, don’t have presidents.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 14

GA wonders why TA doesn’t want to talk to her, and TA complains that he knew in advance the trolls were doomed and no one believed him. He refuses to troll the humans himself but is setting up the system so the others can in order to get them to leave him alone. GA asks again for help, to no avail.

TA: iif you cant fiigure 2hiit out by fuckiing around you dont belong near computer2. TA: kiind of liike wiith regii2tered 2ex offender2 and 2chool2. TA: iif you move two a new town you have two go up two your neiighbor2 door and warn them about how 2tupiid you are. TA: and giive them a chance two hiide all theiir iinnocent technology. TA: and vandaliize your hou2e.

Ooh, a threefer plus one! Tacky simile for the Problematykks. As for WSP, we’ll later find out that 1) trolls kill all their criminals, 2) trolls don’t give a shit about the welfare of their children, and 3) trolls don’t appear to actually go to school. These two counts are neck and neck in the lead now!

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 17 WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 17

BRIGHT: As with much of Homestuck, the trolls give the impression of being made up as Hussie went along. That’s not entirely a bad thing -- it certainly makes the comic pretty unique -- but it does lead to some out-of-place slip-ups.

Anyway, GA chucks her F1 key at TA’s head and then starts poking him. We also see CG in the lab.

FAILURE ARTIST: I think I recall GA/TA were a popular ship before we learned more about GA. It does seem like they have a Rose & Dave dynamic going on.

BRIGHT: Back on Derse, Rose and Dave have a dance party to Dave’s music while accompanied by some crows and Lil Cal, who keeps teleporting around the room. Rose eventually gets tired of Cal’s shenanigans and hurls him out of the window, to the relief of many.

FAILURE ARTIST: The flash originally included music by Bill Bolin. In fact, it was his unfinished music being included here that caused all the drama in the first place.

BRIGHT: Time for some random interludes! First up is Maplehoof the pony, who is following Rose’s mother through a large cave which, judging by the grist lying around, recently contained very dangerous monsters.

FAILURE ARTIST: Apparently pets can collect grist for their masters...and know what grist is despite being a normal(?) animal.

BRIGHT: First Mom, and then Maplehoof, stand on a transportaliser platform and disappear. Second is Dad, who has just acquired a replacement shoe and hat (which showed up in the walkaround game, way back at the beginning of the Act), when he encounters a familiar-looking stranger with a Colonel Sassacre book, who leads him to another transportalizer platform. Both of these interludes do become relevant later, but at the time they seem a tad unnecessary.

Meanwhile, John uses Rose’s alchemiter and a code Davesprite gave him mid-rant to produce a truly epic hammer called FEAR NO ANVIL. It’s far too big for John to wield, but fortunately he can use the scaling upgrade on the alchemiter to reduce it to a more useable size. ...wait. When did Rose’s alchemiter get a scaling upgrade? Dave and Jade added a lot of modifications to his, but Rose’s should be the original edition. Sigh.

EB: so what is this? EB: the thing the code made... TG: really powerful hammer EB: how do you know? EB: i thought you couldn't use hammers. TG: i cant TG: better be though TG: got it from hephaestus EB: who's that? TG: really tough to kill dude EB: you killed him for it? TG: nope EB: how'd you get it then? TG: shenanigans EB: ok.

...and we’re back to sprite evasiveness. Davesprite is being less than forthcoming here, although it’s less obvious than with Nannasprite because it superficially imitates John and Dave’s bantering.

CHEL: Now, this would be a good way of keeping us interested if we were eventually going to see how he did it, and also they have a time limit, so not going off into a long anecdote would be understandable. However, we’ll see how his evasiveness level proceeds in the future.

BRIGHT: Dream Rose and Dave see John using Rose’s alchemiter on Dream Dave’s computer. Rose wakes up.

FAILURE ARTIST: It is interesting how early Homestuck avoided having characters have face-to-face conversations. Would have been unique if it kept up throughout the entire comic.

BRIGHT: Back in the meteor, GA hassles TA into opening the viewport on her computer. This turns out to be as simple as clicking on the point in Rose’s timeline that she wants to see. No wonder TA was frustrated!

Of course, by this point, the only one left in the room is Rose, now awake, and the young salamander. Rose hurries to catch up with John, but he blasts off to explore before she can reach him, taking her mutated kitten with him.

CHEL: John renames Vodka Mutini to Dr Meowgon Spengler, and Rose renames Casey to Viceroy Bubbles von Salamancer. Interesting link to the themes of identities which are starting to crop up, though it’s not really a direct analogue. The animals are the same animals with different names; the alternate timeline characters have the same names and superficially the same identities, but are they really the same people after their new experiences?

BRIGHT: Back on Derse, Lil Cal inexplicably lands on a stray rocket board, catching the attention of AR.

You're not sure which laws are being broken, but it is probably a lot.

AR follows Cal to yet another transportaliser, and they both dematerialise.

We jump back to John, who spies a boat on one of the islands dotting LOLAR and lands to investigate. He follows hoofprints in the sand into a subterranean hallway filled with monsters. Fortunately his new hammer has time powers, which stun the monsters long enough for John to kill them. Further on, he finds the transportaliser Mom used. John, naturally, stands on it, and is transported to a meteor in the Veil.

Actually, it’s not just a meteor; it’s one of the laboratories where the Skaian troops are produced. John, along with the cat and Maplehoof, finds a bunch of chess guys being grown in glass jars on a giant podium. Most of them are the standard carapaces we’re familiar with, but there are also a few larger pieces, apparently based on knights and rooks. He also finds a JUNIOR ECTOBIOLOGIST’S LAB SUIT, and another of those strange house-shaped sets of monitors.

On Prospit, PM is preparing to board a shuttle to Skaia when a COURTYARD DROLL sneaks up behind her. Unaccountably, she fails to notice him, despite the fact that he’s wearing a hat larger than he is. CD successfully pickpockets the White Queen’s ring, and PM departs for Skaia, none the wiser.

CD radios the DRACONIAN DIGNITARY to report mission success, and is told that he doesn’t need to keep wearing his ridiculous outfit, per orders from Jack Noir, who is now going by the SOVEREIGN SLAYER. CD says he’d rather keep wearing the outfit. Apart from the sword-through-the-chest part, it is a very nice outfit, so I’m with CD on this one.

Catastrophe is averted by Jade delivering a flying kick to CD’s head and following up with a very efficient smackdown. Her robot body replicates this back on Earth, beating the stuffing out of her mummified grandfather. Jade retrieves the ring, and puts it on her fingers to remind herself to give it back to PM later. Unfortunately, this doesn’t cause Jade to sprout wings and tentacles. Seems the rings don’t work on humans like that.

Meanwhile, in a Timeless Expanse, a WARWEARY VILLEIN is getting tired of the battle between Derse and Prospit. The next animation is called “WV?: Rise Up” and it’s one of my favorites! When I first read Homestuck I had to watch it a few times before I understood what was going on, but it is a very neat video.

Watch on YouTube

The Battlefield has been prototyped three times, and is now spherical. The forces of Derse and Prospit meet. The usual carapaces with swords are backed up by larger pieces -- some of them very strange -- and by battleships clashing in the sky. In the chaos, WV, who is farming peacefully on Skaia, has his home and farm burned down. He raises a flag and addresses the troops of both armies. Elsewhere, Jack Noir appears, flying over the Battlefield in search of the Black King.

WV rallies the armies and tells them that their real enemies are the monarchs, who are responsible for the war. Encouraged, the Dersite and Prospitan troops band together and march on the Black King.

Meanwhile, PM has reached the White King and discovers that she no longer has the White Queen’s ring. The White King listens to her and hands over his scepter, which seems to represent Skaia and serves a similar function to the Queens’ rings. Behind a nearby hill, the Hegemonic Brute radios somebody to report the transfer.

As WV and the united armies reach the Black King, Jack arrives and slices the Black King’s scepter in half, nullifying its powers and turning the Black King back into a normal carapace. PM is attacked by HB, who knocks the White King’s scepter out of her hand; it falls down a waterfall. Jack Noir beheads the Black King and turns to WV, and the animation ends.

...okay, much as I love it, I have to admit there’s a glaring question here: Namely, the kids started playing the Game less than a day ago and Dave’s kernelsprite has been prototyped for a few hours max. The second prototyping made the Battlefield more complex and the third took it into its current form. That’s a very short time to instigate a cross-faction revolution, organise the troops, and march on a monarch. For that matter, how long has WV been a farmer? The inhabitants of Derse and Prospit have obviously been doing their thing all the kids’ lives, but the Battlefield was supposedly a static, rudimentary space until John entered the Medium, so what gives?

Then again, the timeline in the Medium is supposed to be distinct from the timeline on Earth, so maybe that explains it?

CHEL: An interesting point is also raised by WV’s revolution. Namely, Derse is presented as a kingdom of darkness and evil by the game, while Prospit is presented as good. However, while PM is good, WV and AR are demonstrably not bad people either. In this animation, we see carapaces of both sides apparently don’t want to be involved in the war and are willing to rise up against the Black King. The rank-and-file carapaces on both sides, it seems, are decent people who are just following orders. (Not to mention very cute.) Jack Noir and his gang are nasty pieces of work, except CD who’s also just kind of going along with it, but there’s nothing saying white carapaces couldn’t also be… And is that a Problematykks point, presenting the black-coloured people as bad and the white-coloured ones as good? I know they’re chess pieces, but still.

This raises the question, however, what’s Derse’s motive? Are its rulers and archagents simply destroying for the evulz? I wonder. I also wonder how much Skaia itself is involved in this and how aware it is. Skaia is called the crucible of creation, and it’s responsible for the creation of the carapaces too. References are made to it “seeing” and “knowing”; it’s quite possibly sentient, though maybe not sapient. On top of that, SBurb is specifically a game, and a game needs an objective, and an adventure-type game needs enemies. Derse, it seems likely, was created and presented the way it is in order to give the players something to battle against even if its people don’t want to be their enemies. No wonder WV’s pissed!

BRIGHT: Yup. Hmm, thinking about it...the imps and other enemies we saw attacking John’s house early on were obviously Dersite, but the ones we’ve seen in Rose’s seem to be Prospitian, if anything? The colour scheme looks that way, at least. But Nanna said earlier that Derse was the enemy, nothing about Prospit.

Perhaps it has something to do with Rose being a Derse dreamer, while John is a Prospit dreamer? But in that case I’d have expected it to come up in the text. Instead it just goes unremarked.

Rose goes on a massive alchemising spree and ends up creating the Thorns of Oglogoth, a pair of wands.

The needles seem to shiver with the dark desires of THE DEEP ONE. Any sane adventurer would cast these instruments of the occult into the FURTHEST RING and forget they ever existed.

Instead of throwing the wands away, Rose takes on the enemies camping all over her house, with style.

Meanwhile, Dave goes on another, less visibly productive alchemising spree.

GET ON WITH IT!: 18

FAILURE ARTIST: The SBaHJifier could be considered productive in that it provides foreshadowing cartoons. Wish Dave’s Brain in a Jar came up again.

BRIGHT: Once he’s done creating smuppet variations to disturb the monsters encroaching on his house, he sits down to take a look at those two journals he copied from Rose earlier. One of them is called ‘MEOW’, and is literally just those same four letters, repeated over and over in different orders. The second is ‘Complacency of the Learned’.

There is no way to adequately recap the beauty of ‘Complacency of the Learned’, so we’re just going to show the whole thing:

Frigglish bothered his beard, as if unkinking a hitch in a long silk windsock. A more pedestrian audience would parse the exhibit as nervous compulsion. Behavior to petition contempt among the reasonable. He was however not surrounded by the reasonable, but the wise, a distinction in men that would forever be the difference in history's garland of treasured follies. As a matter of fact, his cadre of fellow wizards were all putting similar moves on their beards as well. The practice would evince thoughtfulness - sagacity, even - if they didn't do it all the time. Standing in line at the bank. Shooing squirrels from bird feeders. Few occasions were safe. Zazzerpan inspected the clue. A single piece of evidence cradled in his coriaceous old man palms. It was a human bone, not striking in the tale it told alone so much as that told by the thousands like it festooning the marshy soil of the mass grave. The grisly expanse bore the texture of a decadent dessert, like one of Smarny's formidable custard trifles wobbled out on wheels for the holidays, to the dismay of a small nation. "You're certain of this?" asked Frigglish. Despite what he was doing with his beard, he was, in fact, immersed in meaningful contemplation. "I am afraid I am becoming more so with each terrible tick groused by that gaudy timepiece slung around your neck." In case it wasn't clear, Frigglish wore a clock Zazzerpan didn't care for. It was magic. "The massacre of Syrs Gnelph was not as written." "What has you convinced it was the hand of our disciples in this blackness?" Executus chimed in. "I believe... I..." a fat face stammered, eyes darting with the guilt of a thief in the throes of an unraveling alibi. "I can summon a... more pressing line of inquiry..." No, Smarny. Nobody was in the mood for a sticky bundt loaf just now. Zazzerpan's ears fell insubstantial to any line of inquiry, pastry-oriented or otherwise. His abstruse contour carved a pondering shape in the fog carpeting centuries-dead. His eleven contemporaries too embraced the muted consternation of their great Predicant Scholar. Few wizards kept sharper adumbratives or read them with such lucidity. When Zazzerpan treated men with silence it was seldom unrepaid by the wise and reasonable alike. It was harrowing to entertain. Zazzerpan the Learned's storied Complacency of Wizards was marked for grander descendence. Disciples hand-picked, vetted by Ockite the Bonafide and tested by Gastrell the Munificent. The twelve sweetest, most studious children a pair of elderly eyes could give their sparkle. Not the ragged guttersnipe so oft-harvested by the common Obscenity, those vituperative little beggars with hearts to corrupt as dropped bananas brown. That these chosen youngsters would turn was not merely unthinkable, but something of a roundhouse to the temporal bones of the Upper Indifference's high chamber of Softskulled Prophets. His wisdom-savaged brow pruned further with recount of his many lessons to wouldbe successors. Lessons to advance humanity's elucidation and prosperity, an outcome this bleak trail now painfully obviated. There were few puzzles The Learned could not suspend and dissect in the recondite manifold beneath his extremely expensive pointy hat. Daring to pitch his cherished pupils in with the foul melange of history's rogues, the heretofore abstract scourge that built up civilizations with ungodly magic and tore them down with joyful malice, would prove an intellectual trespass to make his calcium-deficient bones quake. And more daring yet was the only question that now mattered. Could a bunch of bearded, scraggly old men in preposterous outfits hunt them down? He didn't have an answer. Only a simple observation so blunt and uncharacteristically jejune for the lauded sage it was breathtaking in its selfevidency. "We're going to need more wands." (Wow. Think of something better.)

Wow.

Dave is understandably intimidated by this, and decides to stop reading for now. He puts his copy of the SBURB Beta in the notebook to act as a bookmark, and leaves both books in his room for later.

Then he checks in on Rose, who is burning her version of the MEOW book.

CHEL: Dave inquires about the wizard story.

TG: i thought you hated wizards TG: whats the deal with that TT: I like wizards. TT: What I don't like is my mother's obsession with feigning interest in them to antagonize me. TG: oh man thats so messed up TG: that you think that TG: she probably digs wizards for real just like you and youre blowing shit out of proportion like pretty much always

Once again, we see exactly how fucked-up Rose’s relationship with her mother is. Mom Lalonde has somehow managed to raise a child in such a way that Rose interprets everything her mother does as an attempt to mock and provoke her.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 16

TIER: The Lalondes are pretty damn dysfunctional as a family unit, and considering the zany nature of early Homestuck and its world's weird logic that is saying something indeed.

CHEL: As for the MEOW book, it turns out the gods from the Furthest Ring informed Rose while she was sleeping that the book’s contents are highly dangerous and must be destroyed. Said gods dwell in the sky above Derse; Dave’s never heard or seen them, but Rose points out his dreamself is always wearing shades, listening to music, and distracted by Cal.

TT: You're the prince of the moon. TG: ........ TT: I'm sure they've been meaning to seek a royal audience. TG: ..........................

Davesprite chats to Rose next. She protests at being spied on by two people, but Davesprite asks her why she burned the codebook. She didn’t need to in the future, but according to her future memories of the gods absorbed from her future dreamself, Davesprite appeared to make it relevant by traveling to the past. A sinister and familiar face watches through Dave’s window, soon proving to be the Draconian Dignitary, while Dave and Davesprite awkwardly spout elaborate mixed metaphors about how safe they are, until Dave, embarrassed, says "so i guess ill go back down and burn that book".

As any savvy reader could guess, he’s too late. The prompt suggests that he should go back in time to stop the books from being stolen, but, well...

It looks like you already tried that. GORE GALORE: 10

Dave looks completely undisturbed, but whether he is undisturbed is a different matter. He flings the corpse out the window into the lava, claiming it would freak Jade out.

John, in the lab, presses a button, causing the first monitor to depict his town, shortly before his birth. There is a Betty Crocker factory and a shopping mall, neither of which are in the town now. Zooming in locks a target over Nanna Egbert, who is taking a stroll with Dad. A meteor looms; this looks like it’s going to go very badly, considering the target lock, but it hits the factory instead. When John presses the glowing blue button, a PARADOX GHOST IMPRINT of Nanna is created; refer back to Rose’s experimentation in the lab and the green slime blobs. This time, the slime is sucked into a tube.

The next monitor does something similar with Grandpa Harley on his ship, and the next the same with Bro Strider, who stands over a meteor crater on an unseasonably warm day; something of an understatement, as the sky is the same lurid red and the sun the same glowing spiral that they were during the Strider bros’ battle even though it’s December. Bro is, regardless, prepared for the occasion with a small pair of outrageously awesome shades. What he needs these for will soon be revealed.

The fourth monitor goes back to John’s home town, a gigantic crater where the factory once was. In the shopping mall, Dad Egbert stands outside a joke shop, while Nanna apparently remains inside, busying herself with a tall bookshelf, a ladder, and a rather hefty unabridged joke book.

Mom Lalonde, clutching the infant Rose and wearing a rather snazzy long Jaspersprite-pink scarf, has come to town to study the meteor impact at the request of Grandpa Harley while he explores elsewhere. Unfortunately, now is the time a meteor chooses to strike Nanna’s location, destroying the shop.

An old mother lost today, but a new son gained.

Wait for it.

Mom Lalonde flees, dropping her scarf, which Dad Egbert picks up and slightly creepily sniffs. The monitor continues tracking her, and John captures her paradox imprint too, starting the machines whirring away...

Four babies abruptly appear on the pad, already diapered and bespectacled and old enough to sit up unaided. Convenient, no?

When the kitten jumps on a green button, the slime is blended in pairs; Nanna’s and Grandpa’s, and Mom’s and Bro’s. More blinking lights ensue, and another four extremely familiar-looking babies appear.

BRIGHT: I will say this: These kids are adorable.

While babies clamber over him, John vaults up his echeladder to the rank of Ectobiolobabysitter, acquiring one million Boondollars in the process. This automatically converts itself to a Boonbuck, the weight of which smashes his Porkhollow.

Finding out just what is going on here will have to wait, as the comic takes a brief detour to a battleship navigating the Medium nearby. There’s someone very familiar at the wheel…

An old man has much to do before he returns to Earth, dies, gets stuffed by his adopted-yet-biological daughter-slash-grand-daughter, and stuck in front of a fireplace.

Also aboard the ship are Dad Egbert and Mom Lalonde. Dad returns Mom’s scarf, and the two of them hold hands as Grandpa Harley pilots the ship towards Skaia.

We return to the lab, where John has his hands full with the babies. One of them has managed to break one of the paradox slime jars from earlier, but appears uninjured. Also, CG’s trolling him again.

CHEL: CG makes mention of the ULTIMATE RIDDLE, but John is confused because CG hasn’t told him about that yet. He uses an ableist description in explaining.

CG: SEE I KIND OF PAINTED MYSELF INTO A CORNER. CG: I STARTED TROLLING YOU AT THE END, JUST BEFORE THE RIFT. CG: AND THEN JUMPED BACK A LITTLE. CG: AND NOW I GUESS I'VE BECOME RAILROADED INTO WORKING BACKWARDS HERE. CG: UNLESS I WANT TO DO THE SORT OF DUMB SCHIZOPHRENIC HOPPING AROUND LIKE THE OTHERS. CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 18

… why wouldn’t you just hop right back to the start and work in a linear fashion from there?

TIER: Because CG excels at making things complicated for himself and is fundamentally rather stubborn and set in his ways/actions. Like he's made his bed, he's gonna lie in it.

CHEL: Anyway, CG banters with John for a bit, and then informs him that he (John) has arrived in the Veil and created infant versions of the players and their guardians.

EB: so they are like cloned copies of us? CG: NO. CG: THEY ARE LITERALLY YOU AND YOUR GUARDIANS. CG: PARADOX CLONES.

A paradox clone, we are informed, is A CORRECTLY CLONED DUPLICATE THAT WILL INEVITABLY GO BACK IN TIME AND BECOME THE ORIGINAL TARGET THAT WAS CLONED. The game worlds contain many clues hinting at the ultimate destiny of the players to create their own selves through the game, and the only way things could possibly go involved the players creating themselves, or else the game session would never happen.

CG: WHICH IS ESPECIALLY PATHETIC SINCE PARADOX SPACE APPARENTLY WENT TO ALL THIS TROUBLE TO MAKE YOU JUST TO HAVE YOU FAIL AND DIE. CG: REALLY THERE'S NOTHING MORE TRAGIC THAN THESE NULL SESSIONS FULL OF KIDS ENTERING THE GAME AND FULFILLING SOME COSMIC DESTINY SHIT JUST TO GET WIPED OUT AND LEAVE BEHIND AN EMPTY POINTLESS INCIPISPHERE FOR ALL ETERNITY.

Tragic and completely unnecessary, when there are millions of perfectly good humans already in existence who could just as easily create winning game sessions without this aspect of it. Here we see another aspect of Homestuck which hasn’t come up quite so clearly before; an extremely weird take on determinism. I’m not sure if this is meant as a parody of Chosen One plotlines or if Hussie just thought it sounded cool, but it’s uncomfortable. As it turns out, only clones created by SBurb have a hope in hell of winning the game, and even they fail most of the time. Regular people who enter the game to save themselves from the destruction of the planet will fail and die there, which honestly is not really selling this game as a good thing, since it’s what causes the destruction of the planet in the first place. I’ve had actual, legitimate, honest-to-God nightmares about this aspect of SBurb, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

FAILURE ARTIST: I think many fans wish to play SBurb. There’s lots of fan sessions and fake GameFAQs and custom Lands. Yet in reality SBurb is not a fun time. This is cosmic horror. I think Hussie is sometimes playing it for horror and sometimes he ignores the implications.

Then again, some people want to live on the troll planet, which is straight-up dystopia.

CHEL: Again, it isn’t really clear what he’s going for. Is it supposed to be terrifying or did he just think it would be clever? Does even Hussie know what he was going for? While it’s not exactly a joke, I think it’s worth another point here:

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 17

It might be a joke. As I said, I could see it as a parody of or playing with the Chosen One narrative. In this case, literally only the chosen ones have any hope, for reasons that are not down to any merit of their own. But if it is, there isn’t really much made of it.

Of course, the reasons people want to live on the troll planet are reasonable when taken alone, but a) contradicted every alternate scene and b) not a fair trade for everything else that’s going on there. But we’ll get to that when we actually see it. And I admit, SBurb powers would be fun, but not worth the loss of my entire species.

TIER: To me at least it's fun in the same way wondering how I'd fare as a wizard during Harry Potter's years at Hogwarts, or a ninja in Naruto is. Fundamentally you'd rather want to never encounter this sorta stuff even if you get some swanky I guess powers, but the mental exercise of it is quite honestly, really fun. The game has quite a lot of interesting things to poke around with, from lands to quests to what your co-players are up to. And I'm def guilty of playing trollsona games, because the world presented is just really fascinating in its gruesome glory.

Never want to have to actually go through it, Lord knows I'd be dead within the first ten minutes if I'm super lucky, but stories about it are pretty neat.

CHEL: That’s true, but the paradox clones thing seems almost to be taunting us for having that mentality. We can pretend we’d be the super-smart strong competent ones who make it, but in this universe if we demonstrably have parents we’re doomed to die for nothing and there’s nothing we can do about it.

BRIGHT: Another fun thing about this is that it fundamentally isolates the players from the rest of humanity. If you think about it, unless they have children with a non-player, they are completely unrelated to anyone else on Earth.

CHEL: And they can’t have kids with a non-player unless something thoroughly horrible happened, because as is stated later SBurb specifically takes its players away and destroys their planet around the point of their puberty.

BRIGHT: Although I think John is actually related to Dad — as far as we’re told, Dad is in fact Nanna’s biological son, which makes him genetically John’s half-brother.

They also miss out on (going by how active the babies are) the first couple of years of life. Those two years are crucial in terms of brain development. SBURB probably controls for that, but it wouldn’t be surprising if there were negative consequences.

Oh, and if you’re a player, your existence means your civilisation is doomed. Lovely!

CHEL: And do the players ever feel any guilt or conflict over this? Do they hell. It doesn’t even occur to them, and I’m pretty sure it didn’t occur to Hussie either.

TIER: Welcome to the hell game that is SBURB; it's fundamentally pretty fucked up! It runs on a hellish scale of "things have already been predetermined" and I am Big Fear™.

CHEL: That’ll come up later, too, but there it’s obviously intentional nightmare fuel, and not at all a bad use of time travel as a story device.

CG, meanwhile, explains that he was the one to create his session’s players. With twelve of them it was a bit more complicated, but troll lineages are complicated anyway, and we’ll find out how later.

The babies are still getting all over the lab. Note that they're repeatedly referred to as "little pink monkeys". Then again, calling a non-white child a monkey really wouldn't be good.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 18

John’s infant self has latched onto the Sassacre book, while his infant Nanna is sitting in Dad Egbert’s old hat. Baby Bro is napping in the lap of Lil Cal; that baby’s braver than I am, I can tell you that. Baby Dave is sitting on Maplehoof, and baby Grandpa has found a pair of pistols. John does not take them away from him, or even seem to notice he has them.

HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 7

BRIGHT: Earlier baby Bro broke one of the paradox slime cylinders and was sitting in it. John is pretty astoundingly bad at keeping babies away from obvious hazards.

TIER: That or the equipment is probably not sturdy enough to make it past an inspection into faulty management.

CHEL: But then he’s distracted by CG trolling him again, at least this time moving forward in time from the last conversation.

CG, like GA, apparently fails to grasp sarcasm...

EB: we had this great dare going. EB: to see who could be the least helpful and informative. EB: and you totally lost, dude! EB: you were hella helpful. CG: I WAS OBVIOUSLY JUST SPITING YOUR STUPID POINTLESS HUMAN DARE. [...] CG: ANYWAY, HOW COULD WE HAVE MADE A DARE IF I'M MOVING BACKWARDS ON YOUR TIMELINE.

… which is weird because moments later he uses it himself.

EB: do you even have elves? CG: YES, LET'S COMPARE WHICH FANTASY CREATURES THAT DON'T EXIST WE BOTH DO OR DON'T NOT HAVE. CG: WHAT A GREAT FUCKING IDEA, JOHN!

Hussie seems to waver back and forth a lot on whether trolls get sarcasm or not, in general. Since he’s contradicting himself with troll worldbuilding, that’s a point.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 19

Banter aside, he informs John that the babies are sent to Earth via meteors during the Reckoning.

BRIGHT: How do they survive the impact? Some of those meteor strikes destroy buildings. Those are some ridiculously resilient kids.

CHEL: Cut to AR, who is still having fun on the rocketboard, until he runs into a frog temple atop a meteor. This is apparently horrifying and illegal by his standards.

You are going to throw whoever is responsible into the slammer. You always call jail the slammer when you are extra angry at crimes.

Inside, he finds an empty time capsule, like Jade’s, some complicated machinery, and a monitor screen showing a greyscale house with a very familiar bespectacled female infant and dirty old hat in it. The year depicted, says the monitor, is 1910. Enter none other than Colonel Sassacre himself.

Eight days prior, the orphan girl was taken in by an aristocratic southern colonel and legendary humorist. He recovered the young lady from a crater where a bakery once stood, operated by the man's wife, a notable baked goods baroness.

An explosion outside leads them both to a crater, where once stood the doghouse of the colonel’s pet, Halley, but before the Colonel can investigate further he’s shot through the heart.

This is exactly why babies should not be allowed to dual-wield flintlock pistols.

BRIGHT: I remain baffled as to how Baby Grandpa can even lift those things, let alone pull the triggers.

CHEL: Baby Grandpa crawls from the crater, and Halley the dog turns out to be alive.

The young boy has difficulty pronouncing the name though. Sounds more like "Harley" when he says it.

How does he know it? The colonel died before he even noticed the baby was there. Is baby Nanna speaking well enough to tell him yet? I guess he could be told later, as Sassacre wasn’t in fact their only sapient guardian...

Thirteen years later, the boy develops a taste for adventure. He and his guardian bid farewell. His sister is sad. She will be left all alone with the wicked pastry baroness. She can handle it, he tells her. He believes in her.

It isn’t clear why she didn’t go with him, or leave under her own power. They don’t seem to be imprisoned, as the panel depicts them outside on grass with no restraints or guards over them, so it’s not a matter of only one of them being able to get out. That’s a point for Nanna not trying and a point for Grandpa not bringing her:

HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 9

That dog is also remarkably lively, considering it, unlike Bec, is an entirely normal dog, it was an adult thirteen years previously, and it’s somehow supporting the weight of an entire teenager on its back (again, please don’t try this at home, you can break the dog’s spine that way).

FAILURE ARTIST: As we’ve said, Colonel Sassacre is a thinly-veiled Mark Twain expy. The real Mark Twain died in 1910 at the same time Halley’s Comet was in the sky. It’s a cute historical gag having him be literally killed by a comet but it does muck up the timeline. Nanna must have been a senior citizen when Dad was born. Perhaps he’s adopted?

CHEL: The other option is that Dad is a senior citizen now, but surely John would have wondered why his dad is so ridiculously old. I think it’s just that thing in mainstream comics and cartoons where adults are split into Old and Not Old, and the parents are normal ages for parents but the grandparents would have to be in their hundreds going by the gags. See how Scrooge McDuck in the DuckTales reboot is over a hundred and forty years old yet his sister’s son is still a youngish adult.

AR notes that the appearifier is centred over Halley the dog, but hears someone coming. It proves to be the Draconian Dignitary. AR hides and watches, noting that DD is carrying Rose’s notebooks and Dave’s beta envelopes. DD keeps the MEOW book, but throws away the other items. Complacency of the Learned lands on the floor, and the envelopes land in the time capsule, which sets to bloom in four hundred and thirteen million years.

Meanwhile, John talks to CG while infant Mom Lalonde pets the mutant kitten. John asks if there’s any way to delay the Reckoning, but nope; CG warns him that the smallest meteors will start going in only a few minutes.

EB: ok, well you keep saying how doomed we are and how all this bad stuff happens sooner, but you never say why! EB: what happens in our game that's different from yours that makes things go so badly? CG: JACK NOIR.

The Jack Noir from the trolls’ game session allied with them and helped them dethrone and exile the Black Queen, while the one from the humans’ session, as you may recall, killed the Black Monarchs and gained their powers, and is currently rampaging through the Incipisphere. John asks if it’s the same Jack Noir, but CG explains.

CG: SO LET'S SAY YOU PLAY YOUR BANDICOOT AND I PLAY MY BANDICOOT. CG: THEY ARE ESSENTIALLY THE SAME BANDICOOT, SAME APPEARANCE AND DESIGN AND BEHAVIORS. CG: BUT THEY ARE STILL COMPLETELY SEPARATE BANDICOOTS ON SEPARATE SCREENS. CG: SO WE BOTH HAVE OUR OWN ASS BANDICOOTS TO OURSELVES, THE SAME BUT DIFFERENT. CG: OUR JACKS ARE THE SAME BUT DIFFERENT TOO. CG: SAME GUY, DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES AND OUTCOMES. CG: OUR JACK TRUMPED THE QUEEN, BUT GOT NO FURTHER. CG: YOUR JACK GOT THE BEST OF BOTH OF THEM, AND IS NOW SOMETHING HIGHER THAN A QUEEN OR A KING… EB: like an ace? CG: SURE OK.

The trolls don’t know what went so differently to cause the two Jacks to behave so differently, but CG doesn’t think it matters by now. John interrupts him, deciding to do yet another Con Air ending re-enactment.

Watch on YouTube

Recap: montage of Con Air posters and images to the tune of “How Do I Live Without You”. John hands the thoroughly disgusting Con Air bunny to the protesting baby Rose, while CG watches huffily on his monitor. Jade demands a toy too, so John hands her the bunny he received from Rose in an excessively dramatic fashion. CG frustratedly hits himself in the head. In scribbly crayon-like drawings, Casey the salamander performs a drum solo with glowing blue mushrooms for drums and the Con Air plane crashes. More Con Air imagery, John embraces baby Jade and the baby Lalondes while sobbing; GC points and laughs at him over CG’s shoulder and they have a slapfight. John imagines himself in Nic Cage’s iconic wifebeater and mullet and performs an air guitar solo.

TIER: Lemme tell ya, as someone who's only experience with this darn movie is whatever pops up courtesy of John this sequence is just a trip and a half. Possibly a higher number.

CHEL: Cut to end-of-act curtains; they open on the next page, declaring a PSYCHE; there are more pages to go.

Cut to Dave’s hands, covered in the dead Dave’s blood. I… guess he’s supposed to be staring at them in shock? It’s impossible to tell through his shades. For all I know he could be worried about the cleanup. GC trolls him and they banter creepily, with her demanding to know what his blood smells like and him taunting her about her blindness.

TG: just him and me TG: havin a see party TG: like a couple of eagle eyed bros peepin shit up into the wee hours GC: D4V3 GC: C4N 1 COM3 TO YOUR S33 P4RTY? TG: i guess but youll have to be careful not to stumble around bumping into all the gorgeous masterpieces hanging around everywhere TG: god so beautiful to look at with my perfect eyesight GC: C4N 1 L1CK TH3 P41NT1NGS? TG: yeah thats fine

Neither of them seems to take it particularly hard. If there was narrative around the dialogue, I think we’d get a better grasp of how Dave feels. Lacking much body language or punctuation, tone is a bit tricky to get.

FAILURE ARTIST: There’s a character later who gets a lot of grief for insulting her blindness but reading what John, Dave, and CG say I don’t know how that character could be worse.

CHEL: AT, meanwhile, is trolling Jade, rather politely. He even takes time to ask if she’s having a good nap. She’s worried about John’s dreamself not waking, and AT scrolls into his view of the future timeline, but can’t find John awake, nor see into his dreams. Jade, however, will wake up soon, and she thanks him for this report. Unfortunately, when Jade wakes up she will be in danger, and AT can’t see any further. He tells her CG wants to talk to her about her exploding robot. He can’t see whether it exploded or not because there are a lot of explosions, but asking future Jade shows it did, and that she declared CG to be a pretty nice guy, which surprises AT since he doesn’t think CG is particularly nice. Jade says she thinks AT is nice too, and asks why he’s the only one who talks to her while she’s asleep.

AT: bECAUSE YOU HAVE A ROBOT, tO LET YOU SAY THINGS THAT HAPPEN, oN PROSPIT, AT: aND i'M CURIOUS, AT: bECAUSE THE ONLY TIME i EVER HAD FUN PLAYING THIS GAME WAS WHEN i WAS ASLEEP, AT: bUT NOW ALL OUR DREAM SELVES ARE DEAD, AT: }:'(

AT happily remembers his own time on Prospit, and we cut back to Rose, being trolled by GA despite the fact that Rose is obviously in the middle of an epic magic battle. The conversation is understandably chilly, and GA still hasn’t figured out that “Dumb Rose” as opposed to “Smart Rose” was John rather than a bizarre roleplaying scenario.

GC continues trolling Dave. He asks her how she operates a computer without sight.

GC: 1M SORRY D4V3 TH4T YOU W1LL N3V3R 3XP3R13NC3 TH3 S3NSORY BOUQU3T TH4T 1 3NJOY 3V3RY D4Y GC: TH4T 1 3NSCONC3 MYS3LF 1N L1K3 4 W4RM 4ND COMFY B4THROB3 M4D3 OF FL4VOR 4ND M3LODY TG: oh ok TG: so the dumbest and most far fetched explanation imaginable ok got it

Yes, pretty much. This brings me to a Problematykks point; GC is supposed to be blind, but it really doesn’t seem to affect her in any way at all. Its workaround is ridiculously convenient and effective, and while I’m not blind myself, I know many people with physical disabilities hate it when fiction does this. I know I would be pissed off if a piece of fiction showed an easy and convenient way to not have autism anymore. (Horrible, horrible memories of someone back in the days of Livejournal’s Fanficrants of a fic in which autism was somehow cured by having a foursome. I don’t remember how that was supposed to work.) “She’s a space alien” only goes so far in explaining it. Why even bother making her blind if it’s not going to affect her in any way?

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 19

FAILURE ARTIST: She’s the least blind blind person in media. Characters like Daredevil from Marvel Comics and Toph from Avatar the Last Airbender have a Disability Superpower but at the end of the day they still can’t do things like read printed text. GC has no disadvantages.

BRIGHT: She can apparently smell and taste photons.

Which raises the question why none of the other trolls ever show a heightened sense of smell or taste. If GC can learn to interpret smells as colours, her sense of smell must have been that strong all along, and there’s no indication in the text that she’s biologically more sensitive than her companions. Trolls must be better at following a trail than bloodhounds.

CHEL: Synaesthesia which makes one strongly associate colours with smells is a thing, and synaesthesia is generally the word the fandom uses to explain Terezi’s ability, but you still have to actually see the colours for that to work. If she was only mostly blind and was picking up blurry colour patches, I could buy it (and that is how the fandom tends to do it with human AUs), but not if she’s supposed to be completely blind, and she still wouldn’t be able to read text that way.

BRIGHT: Time for another animation, and for a hop back into the recent past.

Watch on YouTube

As the meteor locked onto Dave’s house approaches, Dave climbs up the tower to retrieve his cruxite egg from the nest his sprite made. Unfortunately the sprite attacks him, knocking him and the egg off the tower. Bro Strider appears on top of the approaching meteor and slices it in half with his katana; the two halves are diverted by the blow and strike different areas of the city. Dave’s fall is broken by a rocket board, which is presumably how Bro got up to the meteor in the first place. (How did he manage to aim it to intercept Dave’s fall? Wouldn’t it take longer to get from the meteor to Dave than it takes for Dave to fall from the top of the tower to the roof of the building? We shall never know.) The egg hatches, and Dave is transported into the Medium. There’s no sign of what happens to Bro.

CHEL: Yet more cartoon physics around the Strider bros.

BRIGHT: I don’t know if we mentioned this earlier, but although Dave and Bro live in an apartment block that presumably housed multiple people, only Dave’s apartment gets transported into the Medium. Everyone else in the complex is left to die on Earth. SBURB is sociopathic.

Elsewhere in the Medium, back in the present, Grandpa’s ship is approaching Skaia, with Mom Lalonde and Dad Egbert on board.

Down on Skaia, Jack Noir draws his sword and slaughters the army WV raised to march on the Black King. WV cowers, but Jack leaves him alive. He then uses the Black Queen’s ring to send some sort of giant red tentacle attack through Skaia, slaughtering Dersite and Prospitian forces indiscriminately.

CHEL: Are they tentacles? I always thought of them as some sort of lightning lasers.

BRIGHT: That makes a lot more sense!

In the ectobiology lab, as the clock ticks down to the Reckoning, the babies are teleported to asteroids around the lab. There must be an air supply in this asteroid belt — characters are consistently shown as being able to survive outside.

CHEL: Maybe it’s just the players’ natural badassery. Batman Can Breathe In Space.

BRIGHT: On Skaia, CD makes his way through Jack’s slaughter fest, which has now ravaged a sizeable chunk of planet, and hands him the White King’s sceptre. Jack raises the sceptre and initiates the Reckoning. The meteorites start to vanish into Skaia’s defence portals. In the frog temple, DD somehow combines the MEOW genetic code with a paradox clone of Halley, creating Jade’s guardian Bec. Bec’s creation damages the laboratory equipment in the temple.

Cut to Jade, who is snoozing peacefully while her dream self explores Prospit. She looks up at Skaia, to see Jack’s shadow passing in front of it. Jack launches his tentacle attack on Prospit, slaughtering the inhabitants, then severs the chain attaching Prospit’s moon to the planet. The moon begins falling towards Skaia.

Jack then flies to LOHAC, where he encounters Bro Strider on one of the turntable mesas. Unexpectedly, Bro is able to give Jack an even fight. After a few exchanges, he drives his katana into the mesa; some sort of golden light emanates from the crack, and Bro absconds.

Wait, how did Bro get onto LOHAC? How did he survive the meteor impacts?

TIER: The ol' "rule of cool". As long as something is sufficiently "absolutely kickass!!" the rules of reality and physics can go sit on the bleachers twiddling their thumbs for all they fucking matter. There's a reason early fandom pinned down Bro as an unorthodox but immensely cool older brother type guy for so long. Because with what little information was available before we got bludgeoned with "No actually he was the absolute fucking worst thing to happen to Dave and fucked him up for life" that was the general impression he gave off.

CHEL: This and the meteor splitting are yet more reason not to take Bro’s treatment of Dave seriously; this is a world in which ludicrous animesque badassery rules the day, and physically impossible feats of battle occur every five minutes. Forcing a child to go through extensive and excessive sword training in brutal heat in a precarious place, possibly every day, ought by rights to be normal there, and I can’t believe he was physically hurt by swordfighting when he survived a meteor collision as an infant. Besides, training that extensive quite possibly could be the only thing that would keep Dave alive in these circumstances.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 18

BRIGHT: There’s a random Squiddles interlude, and then we return to Skaia.

John’s unconscious dream self has fallen out of Prospit’s moon as it plummets towards Skaia. Jade tries shaking him awake, and then slaps him, but to no avail. At the last moment, she throws him out of the path of the moon, and her dream self is then killed when it lands on her. Back on Earth, her dreambot overloads and explodes.

CHEL: Taking her tower room with it; Jade’s sleeping body plummets towards the earth.

BRIGHT: The moon leaves a gigantic crater in Skaia. John’s now-conscious dreamself hovers above it.

The babies vanish through the defence portals to Earth.

CHEL: Each takes an item with them. John takes the Sassacre book, Rose the first Con Air bunny, Dave rides Maplehoof, Jade takes the bunny Rose gave to John (which is in fact the Con Air bunny plus several years and repairs), Nanna sits inside Dad’s old hat, Mom takes the mutant kitten, Bro sleeps in the lap of Li’l Cal, and Grandpa dual wields the flintlock pistols he should not be allowed.

BRIGHT: Dave and Rose reach the Gates above their houses and set out to explore their Lands. We close on an eerie shot of Bec outside the frog temple on Jade’s island at night.

CHEL: Jade’s tower room is blown to bits, and a truly enormous meteor hovers over the scene.

Curtains close. End of Act 4. Before Act 5, we receive a message from Rose, via her GameFAQ.

[ZZZZ] Rose: Egress. This is my final entry. My co-players and I have made every earnest attempt, with occasional relapse, to play this game the right way.

Really? You haven’t been in the game for more than a couple of hours and Jade still isn’t in at all! Maybe consider that the fact that not all your players are in the game yet when you wonder why it isn’t working?

I have been meticulous in documenting the process to help our peers and successors through the trials should we fail. In my hubris I believed these classes were relegated to the Earth-bound, but in even this quaint supposition I was in error. Our otherworldly antagonists have assured us of our inevitable failure repeatedly, while the gods whisper corroboration in my sleep. I believe them now. I just blew up my first gate. I’m not sure why I did it, really. I am not playing by the rules anymore. I will fly around this candy-coated rock and comb the white sand until I find answers. No one can tell me our fate can’t be repaired. We’ve come too far. I jumped out of the way of a burning fucking tree, for God’s sake.

I can see her point. The game is horrible and should be stopped. On the other hand, I’d at least attempt to spend more than one day investigating it before trying to break it. Randomly destroying shit is more likely to make things much worse than anything else.

I have used a spell to rip this walkthrough from Earth’s decaying network, and sealed it in one of the servers floating in the Furthest Ring. The gods may disperse the signal throughout the cosmos as they wish. Perhaps it will be of use to past or future species who like us have been ensnared by Skaia’s malevolent tendrils. In case it wasn’t clear, magic is real. Pardon my egress. You’re on your own now.

This note is signed with a glowing multicoloured “RL” and revealed to be emitted from a purple box with an aerial, floating in space. It seems that’s how their internet’s still working.

FAILURE ARTIST: The internet seems to be a magical dimension in Homestuck and not something that’s part of physical infrastructure.

CHEL: Hours in the future, WV lands in the desert remains of Earth, wrapped up in John’s old ghost-patterned bedsheet, which is still white. A villein becomes a vagabond. In his memory, he tears up an effigy of Jack Noir… where’d he get it? Did the game create it for some reason? Anyway, John’s blanket falls on him from the sky as Prospit plummets; WV calls it a RAG OF SOULS. Adorably melodramatic.

John’s awoken dreamself gazes sadly at Jade’s deceased one, which for some reason isn’t actually under the rubble of Prospit and appears to still be three-dimensional. There’s no excessive blood splatter like with the dead Dave, which is good, not too over the top. He retrieves the Queen’s ring from her hand. Was he told at any point that it’s important? Because if he doesn’t know, I’m not sure robbing the dead is very heroic. He sees an image of himself flying over the battlefield in a large cloud above him; in the vision he’s near a castle, so he goes to seek it out.

On Earth, PM wraps herself up in an old Prospit banner. A mistress becomes a mendicant. In her memories, she has beheaded the Hegemonic Brute and is arranging a meeting with Jack Noir. He arrives and she presents the crowns; smirking evilly, he honours their bargain, and the Courtyard Droll brings her the green parcel. She brings it to the castle from John’s vision as he arrives there, hands over the box, and angrily walks away.

FAILURE ARTIST: She’s Honor Before Reason (maybe she’s programmed that way) but she has the right reaction. This is a lot to go through to deliver a package.

CHEL: Inside the box is a letter from Jade’s unknown pen pal, who writes in dark green and a distinctive jolly-hockey-sticks dialect, with a tendency to ramble off on tangents about movies and wrestling.

Anyway you should listen to jade from here on out john because she sure seems to know whats best for you. Whatever your adventure throws at you im sure shell tell you you can handle it. She believes in you.

And another letter from Jade.

even though its super late and you probably went through a lot of trouble to get it, i really hope this present cheers you up! you looked so sad while you were reading my letter. um... which is to say, the one you are reading now.

She explains that in her dreams she goes to Prospit and John’s sleeping dream self is there, and that’s where she gets her visions. She hopes he likes his present, and says her penpal is fun…

john i am REALLY looking forward to seeing you when you wake up!!!!! its been nice playing with my prospitian friends and all, but also kind of lonely knowing you were in the other tower sleeping and having lousy dreams. :( im not sure where i am when you are reading this but im sure ill make it down to where you are soon! (jeez how did you get down there??? oh well ill find out) i cant wait to fly around the moon with you and show you all my favorite places. itll be so much fun!!!!!!!!! :D <3 jade

Ow. I think this is the only time John cries in the entire comic.

A Single Tear(™) is a bit of an understated reaction to the death of one of your best friends who you just recently learned is also your twin sister, but to be fair, John isn’t left with very much time to react, as next panel Jack Noir’s sword is pointed at his face.

BRIGHT: John knows about dream selves and waking selves by now, I think?

CHEL: He knows they’re a thing but I don’t think he knows they count as backup lives. AT told Jade dream selves can die separately from regular selves but I don’t think anyone told John.

FAILURE ARTIST: Jack Noir wants the ring, but then he’s stopped by Jade’s gift: a robotic bunny wielding multiple weapons.

They line up for a fight.

Hours in the future, on a destroyed planet, AR wraps police tape around himself and becomes a Aimless Renegade. Before the disaster, he went to the Veil, where he found a sleeping John. He saves John by putting him on a rocket board.

Back to the robotic bunny. Jack Noir flies away from the fight. Grandpa’s battleship lands and Grandpa takes away Jade’s body. Mom and Dad disembark the ship and wave goodbye as it leaves. Grandpa cries a Single Tear as he transports Jade’s already taxidermed body. Did he have a machine?

CHEL: For that matter, why isn’t he helping anyone who’s actually still alive while he’s there?

HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 10

FAILURE ARTIST: Nope, transporting a dead body is more important.

Again going back, White Queen leaves Prospit. On landing, she becomes Windswept Questant and wanders the Earth. We go forward years later. She repairs the laboratory and meets up with AR, WV, and PM. WV’s homemade spear hides the ring.

John watches this scene through the clouds of Skaia. He looks at the ring in his hand. In another cloud, there’s Jade’s laboratory. We close in on it and inside is The Fourth Wall. It isn’t turned on, but we are still lead to Andrew Hussie, banging away on a computer keyboard as he recaps the plot for a second time.

CHEL: Which we shall do as well when we’re done with this section, because it’s insanely hard to keep track of everything.

FAILURE ARTIST: Andrew Hussie says Nanna’s comet landed 99 years before John’s “birth” so he has some clue about the age but still doesn’t see it odd that a woman that age has a son who is probably only in his thirties.

CHEL: As I said, it’s also possible Dad was really old too, but that’s never really suggested. Not to mention, since they were brought into existence as toddlers, shouldn’t the kids be noticeably older than the ages given for them? John should be biologically fourteen to fifteen by now and at that age that can make a visible difference. I know the art style doesn’t really give clues, but no one I’ve seen has ever pointed that out in fanfic either.

FAILURE ARTIST: Newborns aren’t distinctive looking and can’t really do the cute things toddlers do. People in TV and movies regularly give birth to six month old infants so it’s not strange.

CHEL: True, but this isn’t TV, it’s a comic, and they don’t have to use an actual infant as a prop here.

BRIGHT: Possibly it’s intentional. Among other things, we see the newly-created players survive short trips through vacuum, crash-land on Earth without even minor injuries, and handle weapons they shouldn’t be able to lift for another four or five years. This could work if players have superhuman abilities (that is, beyond the classpect system). If that was the intent then it really should be made more explicit, though.

Of course, what it really boils down to is that Homestuck runs off Rule of Cool and Rule of Funny, and occasionally breaks down on examination as a result.

On the whole this is a solid Act, I think! We have a lot of new stuff happening, more characters get introduced, and we find out some more about the trolls. It’s much less rambling than Act 1.

COUNTS ALL THE LUCK: 0 ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 18 CALL CPA PLEASE: 8 CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 19 GET ON WITH IT!: 18 GORE GALORE: 10 HOW NOT TO WRITE A WEBCOMIC: 15 HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 10 IN HATE WITH MY CREATION: 0 RELATIONSHIP GOALS?: 1 SEND THEM TO THE SLAMMER: 1 SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS: 0 WHAT IS HAPPENING??: 9 WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 19 TOTAL: 127

#homestuck #Let's read #homestuck meta #reread #literary critique #sporking #Homespork

[chess-blackmyre]

Dragon Age Inquisition - Cabinet Battle #1

The Inquisition leadership discusses approaching the Templars or Mages for an alliance. Elsa Trevelyan, a formerly Tranquil mage, makes sure to tell Commander Cullen what she thinks.  If you're curious to learn more about Elsa and her story, you can read more about her here on ao3:  https://archiveofourown.org/series/1795546

Thanks to @radioactivepeasant​ for being willing to listen to me rant about Elsa!

Further context (and a bit of ranting) under the cut.

So, the first thing that you should know is that my Elsa Trevelyan isn’t an entirely original character. I based her off of Elsa, Knight-Commander Meredith’s Tranquil assistant from Dragon Age 2.

[image description a young woman dressed in Chantry style robes. She has dark blonde hair, blue eyes and a vacant expression as explained by the sunburst brand of Tranquility on her forehead]

Remember Elsa? I wouldn’t blame you if you don’t, as she shows up in precisely one quest in the game, if I remember right. (My personal headcanon is that she was actually there for a lot more time as the Knight-Commander’s assistant, but Varric either didn’t notice or just forgot about her). But she seemed like the perfect person to use as a jumping off point for a formerly Tranquil Inquisitor. After all, she comes with an interesting backstory and you can fill in the blanks in an interesting way with her.

For one thing, as the King-Commander’s assistant, she goes into this already knowing Cullen. Specifically, knowing Cullen during his lowest “mages can’t be treated like people” point. Even if she was Tranquil the entire time she’s known him (which I don’t think she was, but that’s not important right now) it definitely colors her opinion of him when they meet again in Haven.

Now this whole animatic is a representation fight/debate between Elsa and Cullen about recruiting the mages or the templars to help close the Breach. But, as the song progresses, she uses this fight to basically redefine her relationship with him, and how she keeps hitting him where it hurts argument-wise

[image description: Elsa addressing Cullen with a frown on her face, before her is the sigil of the Templar Order, a giant red X over it to symbolize her disapproval and denial of ever approaching them for an alliance]

While the song is just a stylized version of the debate that actually happened between them, in both ways Elsa found it extremely cathartic to argue against the Templars, even if it was just initially just about the Breach.

It’s also right after this in the song that Hamilton--and therefore Elsa--shift from policy to personal attacks. (I skipped over the slavery portion of Hamilton’s verse because I couldn’t find a way to interpret it into the Dragon Age story. Plus, just less things for me to draw)

[Image description: Elsa walks forward closer to Cullen, a look of annoyance on her face. Cullen, Cassandra, Josephine, and Leliana have looks of surprise that she’s doing this.]

The first big change that happens is that Elsa gets right up into Cullen’s face. Up until now she’s been at the other side of the table, but now she’s crossing the divide to let him know exactly how much dislikes him and his arguments. To me, this is the moment where Elsa voluntarily gets this close to Cullen since she awoke in Haven, as every interaction they’ve had before she’s made sure to give herself some space between the sorta-Templar and her no-longer-Tranquil behind.

[Image description: Elsa is holding Cullen by the collar of his furry pauldron, and getting right up into his face. Both have twin expressions of displeasure]

“Don’t lecture me about the war--you didn’t fight in it!”

From what I understand, during the majority of the Mage-Templar War, Cullen was in Kirkwall trying to restore order. Elsa, meanwhile, was on the front lines of this, as a result of being rescued by other mages who took her along with them when they fled Kirkwall. She had to endure the same hardships as them, the freezing elements, the murder-happy Templars, not knowing where their next meal was going to be coming from, if at all. This is important to her.

Now, getting up in his face is a pretty bold move, even if you strip away the layers of the Mage/Templar power dynamics. Here Elsa is telling Cullen loud and clear: “You are not in charge here. I will not be cowed by you, or by any other Templar anymore.” And this is before she becomes Inquisitor.

[Image description: Elsa pushes Cullen away from her. A good few feet of space between the two as they glare daggers at each other]

She solidifies this by pushing him away from her. The other important thing is that he lets her push him. Because Cullen is a significantly larger and bulkier person than her, and is wearing plate armor besides. But for the purposes of the argument--plus he’s actively trying to Not Be an Asshole Anymore--he lets her push him around a little bit. She then continues on her point by telling him outright: “I’m not scared of you.”

“You think I'm frightened of you, man? We almost died in a trench, While you were off getting high with the French”

[Image description: Elsa huddled down in a trench with an elven woman and a small child, all of them trying to stay quiet and avoid notice. Above, an unseen Templar orders “Spread out and find those damn mages!”. Knight-Captain Cullen, face shrouded in shadow, holds a bottle of lyrium]

Now, here is where I really start kicking Cullen below the belt. Because the reason that Cullen became a Templar in the first place was to protect innocent people. It was no accident that one of the mages I had Elsa huddling with was a child, a little kid who had no say in being born with magic or going to war but is caught up in the mess anyway.

In his big monologue he says “Kirkwall’s Circle fell, innocent people died in the streets.” Also I can’t remember where he says this offhand, but Cullen also believed that being a Templar meant not just protecting ‘normal’ people from mages, but protecting mages as well, be it from themselves or other abuses of magic. While Kirkwall was mainly a watershed moment for tensions that have been going on for ages, it’s still pretty clear to me that Cullen feels a measure of responsibility for what happened. Now here Elsa is, rubbing his nose in his failures, both in the problems that started the war, and what he was doing while all this was happening. 

Which brings us to our next point: Lyrium.

To be entirely honest, I wasn’t even planning on bringing up Cullen’s lyrium withdrawal, but then when I was doing storyboards for the next part, the lyrics just fit too perfectly to pass up.

“Madison you mad as a hatter so take your medicine.”

[Image description: an illustration of a lyrium kit used by Templars, the same one that Cullen throws at the wall during his “Perseverance” quest]

[Image Description: An uncertain, shadowy look crosses over Cullen’s face and he crosses his arms. Elsa’s back is to him, an glib, uncaring look as she steps away]

“Damn, you're in worse shape than the national debt is in“

[Image description: a close up on Cullen, his hands shaking as he grips the hilt of his sword. Not in a threatening way, but as it he’s holding on to ground himself]

Now, to be clear, Elsa has no idea that Cullen has stopped taking lyrium at this point. She vaguely assumes that he’s still taking it. 

In the “real” version of this argument, the mage would say something like “You’re not looking so hot, are you up to date on your lyrium?” but in a snide, sardonic way; the implication being that ‘you’ll always be a Templar no matter what you do’. 

His hands start to shake and he grips the pommel of his sword. To be clear, he doesn’t want to hurt Elsa. It’s just a habit of his that we see in the game, and many people besides me think it’s a way to sort of self-soothe, if I’m using that term correctly. At the very least to keep people from noticing how bad his hands are shaking.

Elsa has turned away, not seeing how badly her words are affecting him. When she does look back Cullen has now quickly put a lid back on his reactions.

[Image description: Elsa, scowling, dramatically points at Cullen from across the room. Cullen has a much more measured expression]

But Cassandra did notice, and intervenes to separate the two before the situation can escalate.

[Image description: Cassandra and Cullen have their backs to the camera, Cassandra has her hand on the man’s back as she leads him away, an expression of concern on her face.]

Anyway! Sorry for the rant! I hope you enjoy the animatic!

#dragon age #dragon age inquisition #elsa trevelyan #inquisitor trevelyan #cullen rutherford #cassandra pentaghast #anti-templar #templar critical #lyrium #lyrium withdrawl #mage templar dynamics #meta analysis #my stuff #knight captain cullen #hamilton #cabinet battle 1

[omeliastoriesbyari]

I’m sorry pt 2

Today was the day was getting released from the hospital with little Lane. Amelia was playing on the bed with Leo while Owen was putting Lane in his car seat. After Owen got everything packed up in the room he went to go put their stuff in the car and pulled the car to the front for Amelia and the kids. 

Amelia picked up the car seat and grabbed Leo’s hand walking out the room while walking out the hospital she bumped into Link. She looked at him and back down at Leo and Lane.

“Can you drop the rest of Lane’s clothes off at Mer’s thanks,”Amelia said walking off nervously.

Amelia gently placed both boys in the car it’s been a while since she’s been in Owen’s car and nothing has changed. Amelia sat in the front seat next Owen, he smiled because for someone who just gave birth she looked amazing. Amelia’s hair was in its naturally wavy state cause she had taken a shower before they left the hospital, she was wearing a white button up shirt with her denim maturity jeans glowing.

Owen drove them to his mother’s house because he thought it would be the best environment for them so they’ll have help adjusting with Lane and Leo. He also needed to tell Teddy everything but at this moment it was the last thing on his mind he just wanted to soaking up this time with Lane cause he didn’t get to be part of his pregnancy. Amelia looked at Owen confused to why they were at his mother’s house.

“Owen why are we at your mother’s house? I thought you were dropping Lane and I off to mer’s.” Amelia spoke.

“I thought it would be best if we stayed here so we’ll have help with adjusting to the boys and I wanted to be with lane cause I’ve already missed to much.” Owen explained to Amelia.

“I understand but all of Lane’s clothes are at Mer’s so could you get them while I get us settled.” Amelia said getting the diaper bag and Leo.

Owen grabbed the car seat and knocked on his mother’s door. He waited a few second and his mother answered the door with a smile on her face.

“Hey you brought the babies Leo and Alli....” She paused when she looked in the car seat and seen Lane.

“That’s not Alli girl who’s this cutie?” His mom questioned Amelia and Leo we’re still standing by the car.

“This is mine and Amelia’s newborn son Lane.” Owen spoke happily.

“Y’all come in,” His mother spoke.

Owen and Amelia went in to the house with the kids Amelia looked around shooked she had never been inside his mother house before and it was beautiful. The house was well decorated it reminded her of a cabin with the wood interior and the house felt very homey to her like she had been there forever.

“Well hello Amelia I haven’t seen you in while you look amazing.” She smiles at Amelia.

Amelia has always been fond of Owen’s mother. She would always come to her for advise whenever she needed it.

“Thank you it’s wonderful to see you I love the house it gorgeous,” Amelia said.

“Mom I was thinking Amelia and I could stay here for a while until we get everything situated. Since she just had Lane the other day and I haven’t talked to teddy yet,” Owen spoke nervously.

“Of course I wouldn’t mind but can I see this new grand baby of mine’s.” She said reaching to grab Lane out of his car seat.

She picked of the tiny baby placing him in her arms she smiled cause he shared the face of her deceased husband Edwin with a sprinkle of his mother in him. He was so calm in her arms halfway asleep he was nothing like Owen she thought Owen was a fussy baby. So she thought he must have gotten it for Amelia.

“He’s a sweet he must’ve gotten it from his mother cause Owen was a nightmare,” She laughed.

“I don’t believe I was and he’s very calm I don’t know where he gets it from cause Amelia, Leo, and I aren’t calm he just so happens to be calm,” Owen said looking down at Leo playing with his toy cars.

“I thought my whole pregnancy he would be an active baby cause he kicked all day everyday but he’s my calm baby while Leo’s my happy baby,” Amelia said rubbing Leo’s soft curls.

“ Who came up with his name because I love it and think it fits him perfectly,” She said looking at Lane peaceful sleeping on her.

“Owen found the name Lane and show me it and we both thought he looked like a little and cause of its meaning and how unique it is. I gave him his middle name Augustus- Sherpherd because I wanted him to have my father’s name since we named Leo. Leo Edwin-Amileo Hunt both boys has a part of us in their names.” Amelia explained

“That’s beautiful they fit them very perfectly. Well let me show y’all to your room and Owen you can go get all of you guys stuff and talk to teddy about everything she deserves to know everything,” His mom patted him on his shoulder.

Owen left out while his mother showed Amelia to their room. The room was beautiful it had enough space for all four of them and it had a bathroom inside.

Owen went to Mer’s first to get Lane’s clothes, diapers, and his blankets. He packed all of Lane’s things in the back of the truck now he was on his way to face Teddy. He was kind of nervous cause he didn’t know how teddy would react he loves teddy but he also loves Amelia and he refuse to lose Amelia.

Owen had pulled up to their apartment complex and took a deep breath before getting out of the truck. He slowly made his way up to the third floor where they stayed. When he got to the door he paused before unlocking it. He called out teddy’s name. Teddy came out of Leo’s and Alli’s room with Allison on her hip.

“Hey hun you’re home,” She smiled.

“Yea Teddy we need to talk it’s serious,” Owen spoke.

“Ok where Leo?” She questioned still happy.

Teddy sat down with Allison Owen sat and in front of them to break the news to her about Amelia and the baby. Owen explained the whole situation to Teddy she understood most of it but didn’t get why he would want to stay with Amelia instead of them co-parenting from different houses. But she slowly realized why he wanted too and her face sadden.

“You still love her don’t you? I knew you would I can’t believe I gave up a good man who actually loved me and put me and Allison first to be with you. Every time you still love her no matter what I do you’ll always love Amelia sherpherd more than me and I just don’t get it Owen I’ve loved you for years and your love for me isn’t the same why did you want to be with me? If you know you love her is it cause she was with link you came running to me and when you thought she was pregnant with link’s baby you wanted to be over her?” Teddy went on a rant about Owen just looked about her.

“ Teddy I love you and Allison you know that but I’ll always have love for Amelia and won’t lie to you and say I don’t. Amelia helped me through a lot she was my back bone for a couple years. Teddy I chose to be with you cause Amelia and I aren’t good for each other and we thought it would be better to go our separate ways. Teddy I have always had love for you and you know that but I will not choose between you and Amelia I won’t hurt neither one of you cause I have done that enough.” Owen spoke.

“Owen i think we should call this a quits because we aren’t meant for each other we just aren’t on the same page when it come to our love I love you more than you love me and I’m tired of trying to force something that doesn’t need to be forced. You will always be the father of our daughter Allison and for that I will always have love for you and I would love for us to try to be friends.” Teddy said hugging Owen.

Owen went to the kids room and packed all of Leo’s things then he went to what used to be his and Teddy’s room and packed all of his things to leave.

“I’m sorry Teddy,” he said then left.

On his way back to his mother’s house he decided to stop at the baby store to get a crib for Leo and a bassinet for Lane. He also bought other things they may need for their boys.

Owen arrives back to his mother house he grabs all of their clothes then goes to knock on the door and wait for his mother to answer it. He waits for a little then his mother answers the door in her apron immediately Owen nose is hit the amazing smell of dinner being made. Owen walks in the house to his and Amelia room. When he walks in the room he sees Amelia nursing Lane and Leo asleep next to her. He smiles because who looks this amazing with two kids he thought.

Amelia was humming as she was nursing she hadn’t even noticed Owen had came back. She was at peace Lane and Leo caused her no troubles they were her perfect boys. Amelia looked up to see Owen had started putting up their clothes. After he had organized their clothes and put them where they belonged he went back to the truck to get the things he bought from the store to bring them in the house.

Owen had brought everything in the house he started to build Leo’s crib first by his side of the bed since Lane’s needs to be near Amelia so she can nurse him. After he finished that he built Lane’s bassinet and places it near Amelia. Once he finished he sat on the bed near Leo. Amelia was now burping Lane. She was leaning against the bed frame she was her nursing and a black pair of leggings looking amazing to Owen.

“Owen how did everything go with Teddy? I hope I didn’t ruin y’all relationship I just want you to be happy,” Amelia said.

“Well we broke up cause we just weren’t on the same page with our love and Amelia you didn’t ruin my relationship it was me to blame for my relationship not working. Teddy knew I still love you.” Owen said getting Lane from Amelia.

Owen held their youngest son in his arms smiling Amelia sat there in awn cause of Owen and her boys but what Owen also said to her. Deep down Amelia still had feelings for Owen but she knew if they give this a try again it wouldn’t work out. She thinks they should be friends and co-parent their kids together.

“Owen,” Amelia said softly.

Owen looked up to meet her beautiful ocean blue eyes.

“I still love you I just want you to know that,” She said then walked out the room.

She walked into the kitchen to see Owen’s mother setting the table. She smiled when she seen Amelia she took her apron off and came to sit next to Amelia.

“Amelia I have always been fond of you and I always hoped you and Owen lasted because I see how happy you make each other,” She spoke with her hand on top of Amelia’s.

“Yea we make each other happy but we also hurt each other so much and I can’t do that anymore I have two kids I refuse to let be hurt because of us.” Amelia said.

“I understand you dear but the heart wants what it wants instead of just giving up get some therapy and start off as friends and work y’all way and you’ll know it’s real because fate push you two together all the time.” She said rubbing Amelia’s hand then gets up to finish setting the table.

Amelia smiled because of how wise Owen’s mother was when it came to them. While Amelia was thinking her thought were interrupted by her phone dinging. She looked down to see a text from Link in his text he said “Amelia I’m sorry for the way I reacted I love you and still want to be with you even with the fact your son isn’t mine I’ll love him like he is mine.” Amelia just looked at the text and didn’t know what to do she still liked Link but she also still loved Owen. She turned her phone and sat it on the table before walking back to their bedroom.

She slowly walked into their room also as she entered the room she saw Lane sleeping on Owen’s chest while Leo slept next to them cuddled up. She smiled it was adorable how all of them were sleeping. She turned around deciding not to bother them. She went in the kitchen and sat down and ate some of the lasagna Owen’s mother had prepared for them. She was in the kitchen all by herself since evelyn went back upstairs. Amelia enjoyed the lasagna it was probably the best she ever had and it was the only home cooked meal she had in a while since she doesn’t know how to cook much. Neither her or Owen were good cooks.

I hope you guys enjoyed this story I know I haven’t posted in a while but I’m going to work on a pt three and if everyone knows how to link their stories together can you tell me how. But I hope you like this please share it

[atheistforhumanity]

There are accusations coming against the FBI, but they’re much weaker than Republicans realize: (Long but Important News, Please Read)

You may have forgotten that Trump promised to launch his own investigation into the FBI’s investigation into Trump’s campaign members starting back in 2016. This is the old conspiracy theory invented by Trump that he was illegally spied on during the campaign. Well, this conspiracy has gained some traction and is making big headlines. If you read an article like Attkisson’s or even one by major media, you would definitely get the feeling that the FBI are in trouble and may have done something terribly wrong in their investigation. However, as usual, the details tell a different story.

This is a very complex issue, so I’m going to get straight to the point. The DOJ is now accusing the FBI of improperly gaining the FISA warrants that allowed them to survey Carter Page, and three others. For additional information, I wrote about these accusations that came in the form of the Nunes’ Memo almost two years ago. I also wrote a quick fact list that you should know about Carter Page.

The issue at hand is the legitimacy of asking for the warrants on Page and others. So I want to briefly layout why these warrants are obviously legitimate, based on suspicious behavior.

1. George Papadopoulos was a consultant on Trump’s campaign. He bragged to an Australian diplomat that he knew that the U.S. Government had been hacked by Russia, and that Hillary’s emails had been stolen, and that Russia would use this act of war to help candidate Trump. This was well before anyone in the public ever had heard anything about Russian hacking, probably even before the activity had been reported the President Obama. The point is that there is no legitimate reason for this low-level consultant to be bragging about how his boss is going to benefit from crimes against the United States. THAT is what started entire investigation, and that fact is not disputed.

2. Everything about Carter Page is suspicious. The idea that asking for a warrant on him was politically bias is ludicrous. Here’s a few quick facts that demonstrate his shady actions from the Mueller Report. Page lived and worked in Russia from 2004 to 2007. That’s fine. However, when he came back to the US he immediately caught the attention of law enforcement. Both in 2008 and in 2013 Page was under surveillance by the FBI for being in contact with Russian spies. The people he was in contact with were indeed arrested and charged with acting as an unregistered foreign agent, which is a fancy way of calling someone a spy. That’s actually the same crime Gen. Michael Flynn was charged with, who one of the warrants was for. Carter is woven into all those arrest documents, as his interactions served as the evidence for their arrest. Fast forward to 2016, Page still has close Russian ties. He volunteers to work on Trump’s campaign for no pay and was not recruited by anyone. As soon as he joins the campaign, all he can talk about are his contacts with high Russian officials, and suggests a meeting between Trump and Putin. Page becomes the campaign’s Russian consultant. During 2016, Page took a trip to Moscow to speak at an economic university. The University admitted that he was only invited due to his position in the Trump campaign. This trip is important for three reasons: a) Page makes a very public speech spouting anti-US foreign policy rhetoric, and promises that relations would be better under Trump. (This is really key for other reasons, but I’ll write about that separately.) b) Page admittedly was in contact with known Russian spies well in Russia. He even admitted giving US information to Russian energy companies, telling the FBI that “the more information I gave, the better for this country.” What that information is exactly is still a mystery to the public. c) Page was in Russia for a number of days, and he largely refused to discuss is actions there at all. We know he had contacts with Russian Intelligence and Kremlin officials, but on top of that there were people and actions he refused to reveal to the FBI. The FBI had deemed that his presence in Russia was mostly unjustified or explainable. You should also know that after Page made his public speech, the Trump campaign tried to denounce him and claimed he never played an important role in the Campaign. This is just like when Papadopoulos was referred to as a coffee boy, but he somehow knew about the attack on the US Gov. by Russia and Hillary’s emails. So, like I said, everything about Page is suspicious. There is more information about Page that will come up in the next section.

Read This Part ----->

The title of this article is that the accusations against the FBI are weaker than you think, and I will cover that now. If you look at the article I linked and many others on the web, what you’ll see are statements that the FBI left out information, gave incorrect information, and had contradicting information. No one is giving much detail, so I took a look at the DOJ report. As I list their complaints, you’ll see two things: 1. The FBI definitely made mistakes and should have done a better job. 2. None of their mistakes actually weaken the case to request the FISA warrants. The details are actually counter-productive to the Republican’s claim. Before I list some of the specific complaints, here are two fun facts: 1. Durham, who was handpicked by AG Barr to investigate the same issue told Horowitz, the head of this investigation, that he could not find any information to back up the Conservative theory that the FBI acted improperly. 2. Horowitz himself concluded that political bias played no role in the FBI’s investigation.

So what is all the fuss about?

Well, it turns out that the FBI did leave out some important information when requesting their FISA warrant. For instance, one of the main points the DOJ list in their report is that the FBI didn’t tell the FISA court that Page had been, and still was, being investigated by ANOTHER US foreign intelligence agency for his suspicious links to Russia! I’m assuming this is either the CIA or DHS. You think I must be making this up, but I’m not. This is one of their top complaints! Another top complaint was that the FBI did not tell the FISA court that Page was a current informant for this other intelligence agency, and he had willing made recordings for this agency.

Remember when I said the details were counter-productive to the Republican’s point? Let’s break this down quickly. Two intelligence agencies have had a close eye on Page for years because of his suspicious links with Russia. While Page volunteered to be on the Trump campaign and raved about his contacts with Russia, he was an approved informant for this other agency. Think about “regular” crime for a moment. How do you get to be a police informant? By being in the center of criminal activity! If Page was bad then why was he never arrested? Because you don’t arrest low-level criminals when they will agree to be an informant!

What about the contradictory statements? The DOJ’s main point of contradiction is this. The FBI say that Page met with specific Russian spies and Page denies it. They didn’t say that he denied it. To be clear, it does NOT say that he admitted to it. Also, to clarify with my statement above about Page meetings Russian Intelligence agents, he did admit to meeting with certain individuals and denied meeting with others.

One thing the DOJ was correct about was that the FBI wrongly reported that Steele only shared information with them. In their complaint they say that Steele also shared his information with yahoo and the State Department.

They also did not state Papadopolous’ denial of being in contact with outside agencies. As well as Page’s denial of ever meeting Manafort, even though we know he sent emails to top campaign officials to promote his Russian connections. If that did not include Manafort it doesn’t change anything.

I’m not exaggerating when I say these are the main points the DOJ’s whole case is based on. You see why Durham and Horowitz could not show any real wrong doing. At best, the FBI was lazy or incomplete in their information. I do absolutely think they should have done a more thorough job. As we can see though, none of that information actually changes the suspicion level of these men.

The Republican theory was that this investigation was politically motivated to hurt Trump in the election. That theory makes no sense for all the reasons stated above, as well as the fact that no one ever knew about this investigation until after the election. Comey through Clinton under the bus weeks before the election. This investigation never effected the election in anyway, and it continued long after the election through the Mueller Report.

These accusations are completely baseless, but if you read conservative sites like the one I linked above, you would definitely feel justified in your opinion that the FBI did something wrong, because there’s really no context or detail. To be clear, this has been denounced as a conspiracy theory for over two years now, since Trump ranted this on TV. No one, even up until now, has ever shown any evidence that shows the FBI were bias, improper, or unjustified in requesting the warrants.

#politics #Trump #FBI #DOJ #Breaking News #FISA Report #Trump-Russia #liberal #democrat #progressive #conservative #republican #GOP

[lgbtpolitics]

Comphet

So recently I’ve seen something that’s really made me think about how I view politics and history: there is a distinct restistance in some spheres of tumblr towards the term “Compulsory heterosexuality”, aka Comphet. The reasons behind this are that the woman who popularized the use of the term, Arianne Rich, was apparently transphobic and wrote her essay, with the intention of demonizing bisexual women. 

I might make a separate post at some point about her and what I think about her as a political figure and her use of the term, but for now I just wanna concentrate on the actual philsophy behind not using the term comphet. 

For anyone who doesn’t know, the term comphet is typically used to mean an experience of a lot of gay men and women (particularly women) have where the society that we live in convinces them that they must be attracted to the opposite sex. Now I don’t really know how this applies to bi and trans people, so I’m not really going to comment on that. But I do wanna just say that this is a really important term that describes such a specific experience. It is not just about everyone assuming that themselves and others are straight, it is about how people become convinced that they are genuinely feeling attraction to the opposite gender. I would advise anyone confused about the term to look up the “Am I a lesbian” masterdoc, it gives a very good explanation of how it applies to women. I’m sure extrapolations can be made for men aswell. It really does describe a unique situation, that really explains how people are in relationships for years with people they aren’t attracted to, how people can subconciously push themselves into relationships they think they want. I must stress, this is a pretty important term for a lot of people in the LGBT community, and personally for me as well, reading about this is really what made me realise I was not bisexual, and gave me real room to understand my feelings. 

Another thing I want to mention, is that people often say “The roots are problematic, just say heteronormative!” or something to that effect. Again, I have to say that this is not the same as heteronormativity. It is certainly a by product of this but it is not the same thing. Additionally, I have seen people saying that we should just rename it to something like “Coercive heteronormativity”, which I just... I can’t get my head around. I feel like maybe (sorry to be pretentious) I have a different outlook on this kind of thing because I speak two languages, but I really don’t see how changing up the words a little helps at all. It is still the same concept and its roots are the same. The reason I reference the languages is because like, if I said compulsory heterosexuality in a different language (like just directly translated it), would it then be not problematic because technically the words are not the same? And I feel like this applies to renaming it in english too. 

The other thing that I wanna say, although this is getting long, is that if you wanna avoid all terms coined by problematic individuals then boy do I have news for you about the entire English language. The thing is, I just do not believe (and this is similar in sentiment to what I said in my last rant about politics from the past) that we can just separate activism, especially of those not alive anymore, into Good and Bad. People typically were a mix of those things, and we cannot simply cut out the people who held bad views because they are literally everywhere. The political scope of the 80s when that essay was written were completely different, and actually a lot of prominent political activists held views that would today estrange them from left wing and LGBT activist groups. This does not mean you should excuse prejudice from people who lived a while ago. It just means that we HAVE to take these things as one, complex matter, where people had good ideas and terrible ones, and we can have those good ideas as starting points for new ideas today. Not to mention LOTS of people have since done work around compulsory heterosexuality who have no connection with transphobic or biphobic rhetoric. To disregard all of the academia and study and literature that has been made with this effect, simply because the first famous usage of a term came from someone deemed problematic, is what really in the end is the death of activism. Really, I wish it were as simple as, you listen to the good people and block out the bad. But it just isn’t like that and it can’t ever be like that because the history we come from is the only history we have. 

#lgbt #lgbt discourse #comphet #lesbian #bisexual #transgender #biphobia #transphobia #Arianne Rich

[unwelcome-ozian]

.Why do you equate mass shootings with white supremacy? A few have been, sure. Not every shooting is purported by white supremacists. And not every shooting is a choice either. It can result from bullying, abusive parenting, suppressing of gender identity and all kinds of things that eat at them until they are mentally scattered and unhinged.

2 Programming can sometimes contribute. Schizophrenia and dehumanization can contribute. Being forced to live in a society that doesnt accept, having everything monitored to the point of breaking, programming like being drugged out can contribute. It’s not even like all mass shooters are even white. I cant believe you are minimizing trauma and abuse to simply White Supremacy. Yes not all mentally I’ll are violent, no, it’s not all an act of racial violence, even if a few are.

Is there no abuse in society? Is it always simply white supremacy when someone breaks and is very irrational due to not even being able to think with everyone breathing down their damn neck and cant even think without being policed? Is it white supremacy to be abused to the point they are a potential danger to society, maybe they feel like they’ll never be productive or he feels like a defective female and male because he was raised to be that way?Utterly callous and insensitive Nice gaslighting

Also maybe I am completely out of the loop on these things but how is shooting a bunch of other white people an act of white supremacy? How is someone who shoots people he perceives to be bullies an act of white supremacy?

What it is like to almost reach mass shooter status is where you arent allowed to do any physical activity or rough house with anyone and people put shackles on you by abusing neglecting and raping you and potentially even drugging you until your brain breaks and words and actions become like daggers and bats. And that’s because you havent been allowed sleep or adequate portions of food and because you cant let your anger and emotions out they start giving you rashes and in your brain as

as a person with DID you can only see yourself as having scars and black eyes and broken fingers and of you speak someone will cut out your tongue and.. you through windows and criticizing everything and setting traps and.. I’m not looking to get unhinged from this further so Ill stop. Its insensitive to look at an issue that intersects with abuse and bullying as only white supremacy. Maybe it just hit a soft spot from a much rougher time for us Is it not abuse if it occurs in a school setting?

I’m not even finishing my rant because you don’t deserve to hear my story. I’m a strong beautiful survivor who is worth much more than that And my story is much more genuine and importance then you will ever understand. Its not some nazi wet dream. I doubt you care but I wont follow a blog who minimizes abuse of children because its in a school setting instead of a home setting. It’s gross. My healing journey doesnt need ppl like this anywhere near it. I hope you mature one day.

Itsnot because of my RA or because I was abused as an autistic or had my gender identity suppressed and had another beaten into me its because Im a white supremacist and all my pains are invalid and I should quit whining and try to push it down when I cant and doing that makes me break out in rashes and become irrational because I’m so used to doing it. Grow up. No one wants to help eliminate child abuse in schools stop systematic child torture And you are no different. I chose this. Okay.

Okay this is my last message but just to clarify white supremacy as well as banning guns ends all the violence (although it would stop a lot of it) are scapegoats. One shifts the blame away from RA, from our current school issues, the other doesnt address why ppl are turning out the way they are. Anyway. I wont look at this blog anymore. I dont have to, and the content you post is your choice I understand. Its better to speak up than stay quiet though.

Here is the post you are referring to.

Why do you equate mass shootings with white supremacy? 

 Because there is an association.

In the two weeks since a gunman killed 22 people in El Paso law enforcement officials say they have thwarted at least seven separate mass shootings or white supremacist attacks across the US.

At least four of the alleged foiled plots also appeared to involve men espousing far-right viewpoints and racist ideologies, with echoes of the Texas massacre. Aug 22, 2019

April 2019

1 killed in mass shooting targeting a synagogue in Poway, California, US.

March 2019

51 killed in mass shootings targeting two mosques in Christchurch, New Zealand.

October 2018

11 killed in a mass shooting targeting the Tree of Life synagogue in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, US.

October 2018

Man attempted to enter black church before allegedly killing two black people in a supermarket in Kentucky, US.

January 2017

Six people killed during evening prayers at a mosque in Quebec City, Canada.

For a comprehensive list go here: LINK

Not every shooting is purported by white supremacists. And not every shooting is a choice either.

Nowhere in that post did it say EVERY shooting. So you are correct.  In the context of the post yes EVERY shooting is a choice.

Careful using absolutes like; always, all, every, and never. Things rarely are 100 percent, that’s the reason things must be kept in context.  So, throughout this reply, I’m going to continually place things back in context for you by referring to the post that you are upset about.

It’s not even like all mass shooters are even white. I cant believe you are minimizing trauma and abuse to simply White Supremacy. 

Again, out of context, nowhere in that post did it say ALL are white. It says ‘being a white supremacist is not a mental illness, it’s a choice.’

Do you know what a choice is in the context of the post? I’ll explain in this context, it means someone choosing, willfully saying, ‘I choose to hate someone solely based on their race, country of origin, ethnicity, religion and for no other reason.’  That is a choice. 

And again, in the context of the post: White supremacy isn’t a mental health issue. 

Itsnot because of my RA or because I was abused as an autistic or had my gender identity suppressed and had another beaten into me its because Im a white supremacist and all my pains are invalid and I should quit whining and try to push it down when I cant 

For clarification, are you saying you’re a white supremacist? Or….

 Anyway. I wont look at this blog anymore. I dont have to, and the content you post is your choice I understand. Its better to speak up than stay quiet though.

That’s fine, you don’t have to look at this Tumblr, it is your choice. Like being a white supremacist is a choice.

Mental health issues however are not a choice. Depression, not a choice.  Schizophrenia, not a choice.  DID, not a choice. Bi-polar, you guessed it, not a choice. BPD, not a choice. EDs, not a choice. The mental health issues people live with absolutely not a choice. We agree there.

Oz

#answers to questions #white supremacy #mass murders #white supremacy not a mental illness #scapegoating the mentally ill

[replicantdeviancy]

PSA;

Just a small note; long rant under cut. This rant involves a personal experience involving internet libel and bullying. Please use discretion if this makes you nervous or upsets you.

I would like to begin this statement by saying that no names or urls will be mentioned for the sake of privacy and to protect the identity of those involved. The bullies in question has been blocked and since reported on all active accounts and at this time no legal action has been taken. I do not condone the act of call outs, cancel culture or witch hunts. I am simply seeking to explain my side of things in hopes that if one comes across these falsities involving my name they will be sensible, rational, and think twice about their validity. Please feel free to open up a dialogue with me at any time (work/sleep schedule taken under consideration) and I will be happy to speak with you. Not just about this unforeseen issue, but in general. Please also have the decency to approach things with a respectful mindset as I will be nothing but respectful with you.

Thank you.

-

In light of a recent conversation I feel I must address this issue as the individual in question seems to have made an unfortunate resurgence. Just under a year ago, in a misguided attempt to use my writing as a means of self-therapy to combat a past trauma I had endured, I decided upon using a narrative in a single AU verse with a single RP partner. Due to some very negative responses from one single individual (I’ll refer to them as A) that narrative had since been abandoned and deleted. However, A brought it upon themselves to perpetuate their false perception of the situation without a rational attempt at speaking with me. Instead of trying to clarify my reason for choosing to participate in something that we, in all actuality, found mutually repugnant, they decided to send me a very harassing message. (I still keep the screenshot of it for legalities sake).

At that time I thought nothing of it. Just a troll trying to shame me for something which offended them. Like most trolls, I expected A was in a very bad place emotionally and was simply deciding to take a shot at low hanging fruit. As such, I responded flippantly. (Please do also not that I personally suffer with extreme generalized anxiety and panic disorder and while I don’t recall every detail of that evening, I do remember I was trembling uncontrollably). I spoke with a few friends about the incident, and they helped me feel better about it. I expected it was over and done. I was incorrect.

A had taken this out of context narrative and my flippant post and decided to call me out, involving a small group of fellow anti’s, perpetually spreading misinformation about the entire situation and framing screenshots to fit their narrative. I wasn’t too upset at the time, still under the impression this individual was someone in a bad place in life, someone with anger issues in need of counseling or therapy. My impression was further proven when this group also began calling out others within the fandom, making outlandish and baseless claims involving the race of some muns and antisemitic remarks. I was also removed from a group chat due to the libel upon my name. Now frightened, I spoke with a few friends again and discovered they too had received call outs. Many of these people had anxiety and similar emotional traumas, mental disorders and the like, which only ended up hurting them further.

I cannot hope to understand why A chose to harm these people, nor what their reason is to blindly make accusations and harass others in place of reasonable dialogues. I did at one point open communication with them, noting their issues on the matter and explaining in no uncertain terms that I agreed with them, that it was simply an exploration of a theme, very closed off and not open to anyone else under any circumstances. (screenshots also kept for legal purposes)  I imagined this communication went well but it appears not to have, as I have come to notice several blogs whom I do not know and have had no contact with already have me blocked.

I am not saying this to garner sympathy, nor to I condone action on anyone’s part involving the individuals in question. I’m a grown adult, perfectly capable of dealing with my inner demons. I have far more concern for those who can’t fight back or don’t have the ability to brush off such vicious negativity directed towards them. I hope others in the future will make the right decision in regard to seeing things on others blogs that they don’t approve of and, rather than go into a fit of wild accusation and blocking that person, being big enough to open up and speak with them with a little compassion.

I will express that some of the themes on this blog are used as a means of personal therapy. Some have worked out, some did not. I have been very private when it comes to my personal life, as no one is entitled to my life story nor my reasons for writing what I choose to. However, apart from a few choice individuals, this has been a very open and caring fandom ( in spite of it’s size ) and most people are rational and compassionate people who just adore their characters and love Detroit: Become Human.

I personally owe a lot to DBH as some chapters helped me get into a better place when it comes to past trauma. The more negative scenes involving Todd and Kara actually had me shaking and needing to take a break, the scenes with Hank involving alcohol made me nervous. But over time and with exposure I no longer automatically have such negative reactions. I began to be able to take a step back and look at these things with a clearer, more objective mindset and could see this as a characters journey rather than something frightening. It still disturbs me and I don’t like it, but I’m more comfortable now.

It’s rather the same with some of my writing. I only have a few things I will absolutely, expressly NOT write about, because no matter the context I simply cannot make myself write it. That’s an individual thing, and everyone has something like that. I hope we can all be understanding to one another on this matter.

Moving forward, I want to make it expressly clear that I do not condone or even agree with any questionable acts my or any characters engage in on this platform. Please take into account that if someone - anyone - writes about something questionable that they in no way condone these things and that the mundane does not, in fact, equal the muse. They are two separate entities with separate opinions, feelings, emotions, thoughts and mindsets. If we begin to police others on their ethics based solely on the theme portrayed or character written, we fall dangerously towards a slippery slope of thought policing. I urge all of you to read a book entitled 1984 which examines the dangers of this very narrative.

As a closing note, I want to say that I am not angry at A or the group of anti’s for their actions. I’m not even upset that they seem to be keen on spreading misinformation a year after the incident had been resolved. I only wish to say that I sincerely hope they get the help they need and that they someday find themselves in a better, happier place emotionally.

If you yourself are bullied or preyed upon but internet trolls, harassed or otherwise a victim of libel, please have the courage to report it to staff. Block the harasser in question. Do as I have and keep screen caps of their harassing messages and posts and show them to staff. Libel is a federal crime and online bullying is a prosecutable offense in a court of law. And if you yourself are someone who participates in cancel culture or bullying, please, I encourage you to speak with someone and find the source of this anger within yourself. Speak with your primary care physician and begin the path towards therapy, because your mental health is important and there are people who love you. There is no reason to take your aggressions out on others or jump to conclusions. If you cannot afford therapy, I encourage you to use one of the services from the list linked HERE. The saying “Walk a mile in my shoes” should be adopted, for you should be willing to open yourself up and empathize with others. Everyone does something for a reason.

Friends, please be careful out there. Bullies are a rare thing in this fandom as it stands and as they have slowly been banned or moved on, the DBH fandom has become a better, positive place for many individuals to express their love of characters, actors and the game itself and can engage others in fun, inventive writing projects. Let’s continue to be the fans that Bryan and Amelia would be proud of. Let’s stay positive and accepting towards one another. I have been so grateful for the people who chose to follow me and wanted to write with me, who put up with my stupid gushing and silly thread ideas. Not a single one of you is a number to me. You all bring something to the table and I’m glad to be here, two years in and having a blast. I hope each of you have such good fortune.

Take care and be well.

#ʸᵒᵘ'ʳᵉ ᵖᵃʳᵗ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᵐᵃᶜʰᶦᶰᵉ⋅ ʸᵒᵘ ᵃʳᵉ ᶰᵒᵗ ᵃ ʰᵘᵐᵃᶰ ᵇᵉᶦᶰᵍ⋅ ▓ OOC ▓ #rant #tw; bullying #tw; cancel culture #tw; slander/libel #tw; online harassment #tw; domestic violence mentioned #tw; alcoholism mentioned #tw; allusions to past abuse #[ I expect I may lose followers over this but it needed to be said ] #[ I still see some people in this and other fandoms dealing with this and it breaks my heart ] #[ please note that if you are not aware in the incident in question that I hope you take something positive from this ] #[ My wish is to see this fandom as an accepting and kind community in spite of its past ] #[ Don't let bullies get the better of you and don't bully others ] #[ you can work it out with words and not cruelty ] #[ roleplay and writing are fun hobbies and no one deserves to feel persecuted or attacked for doing what they love ]

[jmariko-blog1]

you live the life you settle with

1. emotional obstacle

During my time in high school, I have only dealt with two major emotional obstacles. The first occurred during my freshman year, when I got into a huge fight with my former best friend, [A], and she no longer wanted to be friends with me. Although I knew the transition from middle school to high school would be difficult, I never expected to lose my best friend in the process. We had been inseparable throughout middle school and I had always considered her my closest friend. However, upon entering high school, I joined cross country and became friends with [L] who she did not like. After growing closer to [L], [A] started cutting me off and stopped talking to me. Although I was hurt, I refused to apologize to her when I felt I had done nothing wrong. I missed talking to her, but I thought our friendship was stronger and we could move past this. However, she never came around. She began talking badly about me to my friends and blocked me on all social media. I was extremely hurt and decided to talk to her. I sent her a long message explaining my side of the story and admitting the things I did wrong. However, she ignored the text, which hurt a lot. I could not understand how we went from being best friends to this. Although we are still on bad terms, looking back, I am thankful she is no longer in my life. She was a very negative person and I have grown a lot from that experience. It helped me find my group of friends who I love and I know care deeply about me. 

Secondly, a couple years later, I experienced my second emotional obstacle. My grandfather had passed away. He was my only grandparent who was alive during my lifetime, and the most positive, easy-going person I have ever known. He was ninety-five years old and got sick the summer before my junior year. A couple days after feeling unwell, he was sent to the hospital and later passed away. It was the first death of a family member I experienced, and I had found out from looking at my mom’s phone. I was getting ready to go to my SAT class and I was pulling up the directions on my mom’s phone. I saw a notification from one of her close friends saying, “I’m so sorry. How are you going to tell Jenna?” and I instantly knew. I broke down and started to think of all of the fond memories I had of him and everything he would not be able to experience with me. However, with time I realized how lucky he was to have lived such a long, happy life. He had experienced so much during his time on Earth and he could finally reunite with his wife. In addition, I appreciate all he had done for my family and I. Although he hated traveling, he would always try to come down from San Jose to stay with us for a couple weeks over the summer. We would go on walks, watch Judge Judy and eat lots of Japanese food. He had a big impact on who I am today. From the things we like to our happy-go-lucky personality, we got along very well. 

2. past actions

Throughout my two years in cross country, I grew very close to four of my teammates: [L], [O], [E] and [M]. They quickly became my best friends and we did everything together. From waking up at four in the morning for races to dying on eight mile runs, we found ways to make the most miserable experiences fun. However, during our sophomore year, [M] started dating a boy who [L] was close to. After seeing the two together, [L] started getting jealous and ended up kissing [M]’s boyfriend. [M] felt betrayed by [L] and no longer wanted to associate with her at all. She avoided her at all costs and purposely left her out of the rest of the group. [O], [E] and I did not know what to do. We felt bad for [M] and knew what [L] did was wrong, but none of us wanted to abandon [L] when everyone else started turning on her. I did not know how to be there both of them, especially when we were all together during practices and meets. I continued to hang out with both of them separately, letting [M] rant when she needed to and offering [L] advice and support. Although it was rough and tense for a couple weeks, [M] eventually moved on and realized that their friendship was more important than a boy. Our group dynamic slowly began to return to the way it was and [M] ended up being thankful for [L] for helping her realize who he truly was. 

It was extremely difficult for me to figure out how to treat this situation at first because I wanted to be able to be there for both of them but did not know how. However, a couple years later, I now know I treated the situation appropriately and the importance of nurturing both friendships during a dispute. 

3. current inactions

Being a senior in high school, I feel pressed for time. In a matter of months, my childhood friends and I will be going our separate ways. From going to different colleges and moving to different states to exploring new interests and meeting new people, I do not know where we all will be in the upcoming year. I want to make the most of the time we have left, but with school, work and my horrible procrastination habits, I feel like I never have time. I want to go on spontaneous adventures with my friends and meet new people, but with homework and no car, it is hard to get out of the house. In addition, I feel dependent and trapped without a car. I do not want to have to rely on my parents and friends to drive me everywhere, which often leads to me spending my weekends at home on youtube and tiktok. However, I plan to be more spontaneous and social during second semester. Instead of focusing all of my energy on school, like I have been for the past three years, I understand that I need to balance my school and social life. One bad grade is not going to kill me and it is okay to have fun, even if it is on a weekday.

4. legacy (best friend)

My best friend is [E]. We met in fifth grade in Mrs. [K]’s class and instantly became friends. From middle school orchestra to high school cross country and track, we have spent countless hours together, and surprisingly, are not sick of each other yet. 

If I were to pass away tomorrow, [E] would probably remember me for my sense of humor, work ethic and our relationship. We had the ability to make light of any situation, and we could always make each other laugh - which wasn’t always ideal. From getting kicked out of eighth grade english class for laughing too much and too loud to doing the same in ninth grade history, we probably should have paid a little more attention to the class’ lesson. In addition, [E] would probably commend me on my work ethic. From persevering through difficult, steep cross country races to countless hours of studying and working on homework, I have always been very motivated to do well. Lastly, she would probably describe my legacy through our relationship. We have grown so close in the past seven years and our friendship is irreplaceable. We are so comfortable around each other and we are the only people we can completely open up to. 

5. legacy (family)

To be honest, I am not sure what my parents or brother would say about me if I were to pass away tomorrow. Growing up in an Asian household, praise was very rare. Excelling in academics and extracurriculars were expected and hardly acknowledged. However, I think my mom would commend me for my strong, independent nature, which she often complimented me on. Being a girl in our current society, she thought it was very important for me to be able to take care of myself and instilled these values in me growing up. In addition, my mom would probably mention my Gold Award as part of my legacy. She had always wanted me to complete it, and being the only girl in my troop to do so, she was extremely proud. 

Similarly, my dad would commend me on my work ethic and good grades. Although he was usually pushing me to enroll in harder classes and explore more activities at our school, he was proud of me for always excelling in school. He said he had never had to worry about me or my grades, which was a stressful burden with my brother. 

6. epitaph + reflection

“in” - Jack Lemmon

I like Lemmon’s epitaph because it is short, simple and comedical. After passing away, your family is mourning for you and remembering everything you accomplished, and I think it was kind of him to make his friends and family laugh during this difficult time. In addition, I think it is important and unique to be remembered solely by one’s words and sense of humor instead of the time when you were alive.

“Damn, it’s dark down here.” - Thatcher

Similarly, I like Thatcher’s epitaph because he chose a way to spread happiness and smiles even after his death. Instead of having a serious, standard epitaph, he chose to make light of the situation. He made a little, light joke to bring his loved ones some happiness while they mourned his death. 

7. epitaph creation 

“[J M]. [Month Day, Year]. Mother, Wife, Occupational Therapist. ‘She saw the world and worked to changed it too.’”Ever since I was young, I have always wanted the stereotypical happily ever after story I grew up watching. I want to find happiness through experiences, people, food and music. I want to get married to someone I love and can spend my life with. I want to have a family with a couple of kids and a dog. I enjoy taking care of children and cannot wait to have some of my own. I want a fulfilling job as a school-based occupational therapist, where I can help kids with special needs and learning disabilities. I want to travel the world and make a difference in it. Instead of wasting my potential like many of the characters we learned about, I want to help those around me, along with making sure I maintain my happiness.