usually not the type of guy to lift characters from things and make them into my own little barbie dolls to play with (at least, not in a super direct one-to-one way)...but if you see me doing that with those guys from saltburn, dont mind me
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(edit: this post is mostly lighthearted, not sad, so dw, cat in photos is gonna be okay. ^_^ <3)
ahhh last night my cat hurt herself jumping off a really high place before i could stop her T_T she seems pretty sore, but she's walking around and doing her normal routine, so i think she'll be alright.
but this morning, i noticed this HUGE red spot on her lower lip that's all swollen and irritated.... and i was like what the actual fuck? she's been within my line of sight for literally the entire night? T_T how did that even happen????? So I've been scratching my head about it and kinda nervous that I somehow hallucinated the past 12 hours.
Anyway, I told my mom about it this morning and she immediately said "oh, she probably bit her lip as she landed."
😅 Well, that sure explains everything lol. And look! She even has a little tooth-mark sized scab 😭
She also kinda looks like a protag in an action movie where another cat beat her up lmfao
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so i was like 'i could swear i didn't feel this hideously dysphoric last summer, wtf is my dealio lately!!' and finally it occurred to me, 'okay, fine, let's maybe try putting on one of the ribbed men's tanks i wore religiously all last summer instead of the women's technical tops i've been wearing lately, and see what effect that has,' and. yeah. fuck. 🤦
it really is like. every! damn! season! i get seduced into thinking maybe i can wear just a little bit of reasonably-unfeminine women's clothing, and the idea is appealing because i'm actually comfortably encompassed by that size range, whereas with men's shirts i often ideally would wear an XS but can't get one—and yes, boys' stuff exists and i do ever wear it, but sometimes you're in the market for stuff that's slightly higher spec than anyone bothers to make for kids, you know? but anyway it's just so reliably the case that like. every fucking time i'm like, okay, sure, let's try a little womenswear, it turns out that i can bear it for a little while and then i realize something about it is making me fucking crazyyyyyy. >:|
sux bc the problematic batch of tanktops is like. such a good light comfortable wicking all-natural fabric! that's why i wanted them and they're everything i hoped they would be! and they're genuinely not even overtly feminine! but the straps are just a little too narrow and the cut is just a little too )ᓑ( and it's like. in some contexts those things are bearable, but in others they're really just. Bad, it turns out. :(
anyway they are sufficiently slouchy that in theory i could probably just, like, do some aftermarket alterations to improve the shape??? like i think i really just need them to be, you know, simple tubes straight up and down and not the vaguely /ᓑ\ shape they currently are, which in theory ought to be simple enough to achieve (especially since they're also a little long, so i could just hem them straight and stop worrying about how to factor in the vaguely high-low thing that's also happening). however. probably NOT realistic to do by hand (like. if nothing else i just don't have the patience) and while there is a sewing machine kicking around here somewhere i absolutely don't remember how to use it and do live in fear of it (i just have like. vague recollections of various Mysterious Snarls back in the day). so. idk. blergh, argh, etc.
(i assume 4p would just be like 'try it! learn as you go!' and like. honestly that's fair and maybe i even will, i think the manual is also kicking around actually, but. would prefer to have it magically sorted. :/ like, sometimes you just want a wardrobe and not a project, you know??)
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Oh the author had been doing so well and then had a line about how supposedly integration can be very bad for people and hasn't been proven effective. Hasn't been proven effective??? What does that even mean??? I absolutely do not think that people need to integrate if they don't want to, but if you do want to it is absolutely a valid and safe and effective approach to healing! As evidenced by yours truly, someone who has mostly fused and really really likes it that way!
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