#sick and scared and frustrated

[dootznbootz]

Hi y'all, I need help. Penelope has to be sick for my fic. (tummy kind of sick.) And I need a reason why. actual flu or food or something??

#I desperately want to make her eat a bad fish that she caught/fought because I want her to be “reckless”. (Likeminded. Odysseus is reckless #therefore so is she.) but I almost feel like that's too insane/silly. :'( #I want him to be frustrated with her and worried and shit #“You scared me. Wife. You were so sick. So pale...” #“I'm always pale and you always worry” >:) #“Penelope. >:( ” #I don't know.... I don't KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOWOOWOWOOW #Mad rambles #is this too crazy?

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

also i miss being in youth group myself as a teenager and having a youth leader who would lend me a shoulder to cry on bc I don't always want to go crying to my mom but now that I'm an adult I can see that every Trusted Older Person also has their own difficulties and troubles in life and so I can't burden them with mine as well

#want to go sobbing to the youth pastor's wife about how trapped I feel and how frustrated and scared I am ALL THE TIME #but I also know she's ridiculously busy and has her own problems and family and I don't want her to think less of me as a youth leader #i can't burden my sister in law any more than I already have bc she's sick all the time and SO much busier than she should be #and she already let me stay in her house for a month and vent to her about lots of things #UGFHHHH #Lu rambles

[un-pearable]

“your anxiety doesn’t show when you’re doing a presentations, you’ve done a good job working through it!” yeah cool thanks a) i get loud and fast when i’m anxious not quiet . so i come across as annoying <3 and b) that’s bc i’ve sublimated all my social anxiety into Unending Terror about The FutureTM

#and driving lol. high school me was 100% social anxiety now it’s all abstract and frustrating #anyway. didn’t apply bc i cried about it and it would be so so much monies just for me to be scared and stressed the whole time #AND i’m sick AND my brother is unrelatedly ill so it’s been a very fun 24 hours

[dsgustng]

Thinking about how transphobes are always like "debate with me! Justify your existence to me! Explain why you're mad! Make this make sense to me!" But you can be as levelheaded and straightforward as possible, you can beat yourself down and make yourself small and nonthreatening or you can be stern and hold your ground. You can post countless sources and news articles. You can give them statistics. Undeniable proof. But they just don't fuckin care. And the second we become mad and aggressive they use it against us. They say they don't take us seriously because we're too sensitive and irrational. But that's a lie. They won't listen to us or take us seriously no matter how we act because they just fucking hate us! There is nothing we can possibly do to be better to these people.

#thinking abt how like. someone i was friends with in highschool posted on Facebook a meme abt trans people getting mad at Hogwarts legacy #and he seemed to believe he was neutral leaning and open minded #but when i pointed out why people were mad and posted articles with sources and very thoroughly explained myself #coincidentally all of my comments with proof to back my argument kept disappearing 🤔 only leaving the comments where i was arguing #and he was all like 'i just dont understand why your mad but youre allowed to feel this way' deleting all my attempts to educate him #getting laugh reacted and his friends coming into the conversation sending me transphobic propoganda and mocking me #and he didnt delete those comments. of course not #and im sure none of those people thought they were transphobic. im sure all of them thought they were allies or whatever the fuck #idk man im like shutting down latley i dont have the energy to debate with people and sit there being patient with them #im sick of talking to brick walls im sick of having to justify my existence #im sick of people treating me notably worse at work when im wearing my nametag #im sick of being scared and frustrated all the time meanwhile im called irrational and reactive for being scared and frustrated #transphobia

[nowendil]

whooooo having an anxiety attack about covid. again 👍

#cw negative #cw vent #nowe talks #it's hard to describe what about it is the worst source of anxiety for me. it's not What If I Get It. it's mostly just. it's just. #i sometimes feel like our society has just forgotten that it's a thing. or that society has forgotten that it's A SERIOUS THING. #like this thing that Kills People. #i know it's not lethal to most people but it still is a very serious thing! #why have we as a society shifted from “protecting the people most affected is a collective responsibility #(via vaccination and masking and not showing up to places sick)“ #to “well what if all the people belonging to risk groups just deal with this on their own and the rest of us go back to normal?” #idk man maybe i'm sensitive because my grandma died of covid a week before Christmas last year. #or because both of my parents are over 60 and my dad has another risk factor illness on top of that. #idk man. i just feel so. unsafe. unsure and scared and tired. i just dont want other people to go through what our family did last december #i want to stress that i'm not blaming any individual people for this. #my frustration is almost solely directed towards the goverment not taking covid seriously enough #and like i'm not perfect. i'm not sure what's the right thing to do and what's me overreacting. #i recognize that i am often incapable of thinking clearly about this subject #sometimes i feel like i am the only one in my circle (family included) who is this worried about it still. i'm not blaming my loved ones #i'm not saying i'm better than them that's not it. i just. sometimes i just feel so alone with this #and idk how to make it better? #like i have good moments and bad moments with this anxiety. it comes and goes. but. idk. #i think her death's anniversary coming closer combined with the rising covid numbers in my country is just doing a number on me

[buck-yyyy]

local guy is immensely frustrated 👍

#i’m just. kinda sad #i don’t think i can watch horror movies anymore and i’m sad and bitter and frustrated and fuck i just want to cry and be held about it #it’s not fair it’s not fucking fair and it sounds so selfish and shitty but why the FUCK did it have to be ME #i hate the idea that it’s random i fucking HATE the reality that there is not a single fucking thing i could’ve done to stop any of this #from happening because it’s not my fault and it’s not anybody’s fault and i am just scared and tired and sick of it #i miss when my head was quiet and i miss when i didn’t have to worry about what would make me forget reality #i miss trusting people and i miss not having shitty fucking dreams and i miss my memory and i hate it i hate it all so much and i am TIRED #and i just want things to go back to normal #and i keep convincing myself that they WILL #but they won’t they fucking won’t i am fucking stuck like this and it’s ruining fucking everything #i’m. so tired #sorry #tw vent

[izzy-b-hands]

shout out to ND for making it incredibly hard to get caught up on COVID boosters; I think that may be why this time having COVID is kicking my ass so hard

#text post #i at least have been getting up to go downstairs but today i don't even want that and i hate that #my throat is killing me and there is Zero energy in any limbs and i slept for shit #bc apparently at this stage i should have been sleeping sitting up to help the throat (i am sitting up in bed now aksnfkgn) #butterscotch weed hard candy do ur work and numb my throat a bit pls #it keeps it from hurting as much and my god i have never been more grateful for weed aksndkfng #thank travis for travis but instead it's thank ppl who fought for legalization for it being legalized #i feel so lazy!!! sitting in bed!! gnashing teeth and frustration!!! #there is i think? a woodpecker outside tho and that's so cool #bc the last one i saw and heard was at my great aunt and great grandmothers place while they were both still alive #they claimed to hate the guy but after the fake owl didn't scare him off he just got to Stay aksndkfng #aunt Betty and great granma pls lend me some strength here bc im a Baby TM when sick like this aksndkgngn

[wriochilde]

i do believe that its a rotator cuff tear but the doctor did an 'xray' apparently, and they couldnt find anything wrong with my arm????

#this is so frustrating im sick of being in pain #and im too scared to ask for like. tylenol or smth #finn.txt

[creativebrainrot]

dont have the words right now. I am so goddamn tired.

#im unbelieveably sick of random legal bullshit we didnt know was required getting in the way of moving #things we shouldve been told to do after the pricks death but we werent #and now im scared and frustrated and upset we might be stuck in this piece of shit house for the next five months #ive been stuck here feeling like it was a prison for my entire life. #im tired of feeling like i will never escape this place. #i never liked it. #also if im completely honest im tired of bracing for bad news and getting good news #im tired of expecting good news and getting bad news #im so so fucking tired and sick of this shit. #i want out of this fucking miserable state before next year #I am so tired. #moonlitmelancholy #venting #personal #rotthoughts

[that-was-anticlimactic]

Saw you posting Reki again. Everything okay?

(Thanks for showing us Reki 🥰)

lol

i mean like. literally speaking, yes. but i ran out of my meds a little over a week ago and keep forgetting to call the doctor's office to get a refill before they close so i have. not been Great this week but for literally No Reason lol

always i will always show reki have you seen him? have you seen my reki? okay thank you anyway. i love my reki. reki, my love...

oF sKaTeBoArDiNg

#crogan tag #lol i've also just been. really tired this week and stressed about practicum because we go into the field next monday and we STILL don't #have our placements which is frustrating and i accidentally fell asleep for a half hour earlier today and had... well it wasn't a nightmare #but i woke up Feeling like it was like i felt like i couldn't breathe for a minute and i was like Scared for a good minute after i woke up #even tho nothing happened and my heart was racing and it kind of just. never went away and like head has been... not throbbing but i can #feel this like. pulsing behind my eyes and up in my forehead and idk why and like i'm starting to cry as i type this and idk why because #like there's no genuine reason for me to be sad right now and i think that's getting to me and my throat has been tight all day like #swallowing hurts and not in the sick kind of way and idk reki just makes me happy i love him i love him so much frick i need to hug vanessa #(my stuffed animal pig) right now idk why typing this is getting to me or even why i'm typing this sorry not to just dump everything on you #i'm sure this was a joke and like it's actually really funny and i giggled but now i'm suddenly realizing that h #*hm maybe i'm not lol i just feel bad because my mental health has been so bad this week that i just haven't been answering any messages #frick sorry this is a lot i'm so sorry i'm hoping that typing this out in the tags will make me calm down or feel better or. idk whatever #ranting in the tags usually makes me feel better because i'm saying Something and not just stewing in it also i swear i can hear my #eyebrows moving and it's so weird like that's not a bad thing i just keep noticing it and i can Hear them maybe i'm just neurodivergent lol #just a random observation... or maybe i'm just tired lol bestie i am so so rry this is a lot feel free to ignore my tags you didn't ask for #this oiugytftgyhujis also i Have stopped crying so like it only lasted for a minute - woooooo #i hope you're doing well <3 #corey rambles:)

[biblicallyaccuratefaggot]

hmm maybe I can't mentally flagellate myself into perfection

#the rift that appears when you logically know how you *should* feel when presented with something vs actually presented eith it is #so frustrating #like yeah I know how logically should respond but like my gut reactions to some things make me feel sick to my stomach #trying to differentiate between what was indoctrinated into me vs what I actually am feels so hopeless #idk im just scared

[sibillascribbles08]

Man loving bugs is so gd rough sometimes like you try to show off a cool picture you got or reassure someone who’s scared of them that what they are dealing with isn’t dangerous and you’re just met with dismissive comments or “just kill it” and shit like man one day I am going to fucking snap

#scribs speaks #I almost did today but I just left the convo and muted the server #so sick of this is happens every goddamn time #if you still wanna be scared of bugs fine #but can you not tell me to my fact that 'no arachnids and spiders are the same thing!' #you sound like a fucking moron #choke #I have been frustrated about this for hours #mainly cause it always comes out from people you start getting used to #and start befriending #and then they pull THIS SHIT and it's like oh okay #you don't actually respect me or my opinion at all huh #CH OKE

[rosykims]

just had a halfway vulnerable conversation with my father. 4947 dead 283571 injured

#/ family death #i mean he was halfway vulnerable. not me babey i dont trust like that #but it was....... sigh Nice isnt the right word bc it wasnt nice really it was sad #but i guess it made me feel more.... like he was speaking to me instead of at me or in my general vicinity #my grandmother is very sick and since we're all abroad in different places he isnt getting very solid information #and he was talking about things which he usually doesnt talk to me about #and idk im feeling a lot of things. sad and scared for my last grandparent and comforted by my father and also #deeply frustrated lol. that it takes something like this to force us to have a bare minimum deep conversation #its also irritating that its My fault as well lol. anyways #sorry for using the tags as a diary im normal again i prommy

[manta-is-yelling]

It's really frustrating to be trying really really hard and feel like you're doing the equivalent of paddling in place- even though you should be moving forward-

but the other person is not seeking out resources for how to paddle, or manage their part of the kayak, and you're starting to sink because of it.

And like, you know, if you're feeling the water on your ass, and you're at the front, they've gotta be up to their waist or more in it. But you're busy keeping things sort of okay, you can't check in on them. So you only feel that you're getting wetter than you should be, and going nowhere, and they're struggling. And it's your problem- because you're in the same fucking boat- but they won't take your help. They won't listen. They half hear the directions. They can't help it.

But after a while, it's so. Fucking. Frustrating. And it feels like it'd be easier, despite having made it so far, to swim back to shore alone, and try crossing again.

#Please help me #I'm literally exhausted #i want to be asleep #he woke me up absentmindedly and it was just the proverbial straw. #If I dont sleep I can seize #I have worked so hard for tools to manage my illnesses #Im not at all perfect and I need a lot of help #but its so hard to manage chronic problems and beg the other person to manage theirs #p l e a se #I was sick for over a month #I missed out on christmas time #ATLEAST TRY #AND STOP TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME AS SOON AS IM UP AND AROUND AGAIN #im busy cleaning our rotting home and scaring the bugs out #vent #frustrated #I couldve been spared literal physical pain if you had been paying attention to where you placed my meds #and then you watched a football game ibstead of helping me search

[crowlore]

we don’t have therapists here so i have to walk into the desert and just start blowing shit up

#i need to CREATE…but ive been. so fucking sick half my days this month have been spent agonizing in bed #can barely get up and around these days let alone work and im SOOOO #FRUSTRATED!!! ive got all these ideas just fermenting in my brain. #it feels like it’s rotting and eating holes through my skull bro this sucks so bad and im in constant pain too #been wearing compression sleeves a lot to help with my circulation but still my hands are fighting me #they’re always shaking and my joints are stiff and unresponsive #i can’t feel my feet rn either like im so fucking cold All The Time #i get insurance coverage next month but it only lasts ten months and im scared i won’t be able to get through a waiting list in time #for treatment i can actually afford anyway

[postikortti]

.

#i've been having a bad day and i'm kinda sick and my mom is apparently frustrated or smth #and has yelled at me twice today and she's been fine for so long #that i forgot how afraid of her i am and i hate this i want out of here #i'm genuinely so scared and i don't want to live here but i have nowhere to go #i can't stay at my dads cause i can't get to class from there #i don't know what to do i just want to feel safe