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#shuichi is trying so hard to improve apon his life but its all just so exhausting
chisatowo · 3 years
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Haunted apartment au thoughts time
(Also hi this is me post writing the tags of this post I sort of went off on a weird tangent and reached the tag limit so now it feels kinda weird just posting this bdmsbsmsg)
#rat rambles#haunted apartment au#almost none of the characters involved are in a good state mentally when the story starts#shuichi is trying so hard to improve apon his life but its all just so exhausting#and everyone around him seems to be handling this shit so easily#and he doesnt have any form of strong stability and its scary#himiko is in a state of feeling horrible and depressed all of the time but not wanting to work forward#both because of tge fear and expectation of faliure#and the fact that she just cant comprehend a world where she can be actually happy#and doesnt know how to even begin reaching for a future she doesnt belive she has#and I was going to type out a thing for kaede top but tbh this has bedn for the sake of stress relief and I think Im calming down now#dealing with shitty mental health is hard.#and its hard to accept sometimes that its both always going to be at least a little hard and that its still worth it anyways#sometimes it doesnt feel like you have a future#like youre reaching out for nothing#or walking through darkness#but just because you cant see something doesnt mean its not there#and eventually you will see it. and youll be able to look back and understand that it was always in front of you#and it wont be like a finish line to mental stability#and it might be frustrating reaching one goal only to realise that theres still more journey to make#but each time you reach that future moving forward will become a little easier#because even if you still cant see the next step you can at least trust that there may still be something there#a couple years ago I probably could have never been able to imagine a future in which I didnt fully hate myself#but regardless I still reached it#maybe not fully but. I know I can improve now. its hard but not impossible#Im not fully happy by any means but I am doing way better than I was before and Im happy about that#the future is scary to me right now. but I can only hope that things will clear up as I move forward#and hopefully one day I can look back on now in the same way that I look back on my middle school years now#sorry for going off on a weird tangent on my dr au post#I think I feel a lot better now though
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