#shoutout to everyone who followed me for dr stuff

[monarchisms]

so for those who missed it, geoff talked a bit more about achievement hunter coming to an end on a f**kface break show on september 18th. some of it was stuff we've already learned from the announcement video/thread from AH themselves, but some additional information was mentioned exclusively on the f**kface stream. with rooster teeth being so great (sarcasm) at relaying info to their audience, i had to rely on a fan recording of the stream from twitter to get more context sooner, since the official recording won't be available until the 22nd at the earliest.

i'll put a full transcript of all the clips of the twitter thread under the cut, but if you want a tl;dr:

geoff's known about AH coming to an end for about 6 months (since march 2023), and that the decision to end it wasn't made lightly

he compares AH ending to when he went to quit red vs blue 15 years ago to co-create AH, somewhere between seasons 5-7, and how he continued to work on rvb until he couldn't anymore

also talks about how everyone at the company at the time (like burnie, gus, matt, and jason) were really supportive towards him, and how that led to AH lasting 15 years

he hopes that michael, trevor, alfredo, and joe get the same support he got from the audience when he made AH, and then eventually f**kface. also reassures the audience that all the content on the AH channel will stay as it is

heavily emphasizes that this decision wasn't made by the higher ups at rt or warner brothers, and wanted to nip that in the bud before the rumor went too far. notes that AH didn't fail, it just ended

talks about how there will be a couple more weeks of new achievement hunter content before they close up shop. some of the content includes the members paying an homage to past series and people at AH. it will eventually culminate into a final video that geoff's in where he gets "fucking verbose" about his feelings in relation to everything

gives a shoutout to matt, jeremy, and ray in regards to their streams on twitch, and finally ends his speech by saying that the audience should respect that the past + current AH members are continuing to do the things they love doing while being entertaining, just in their own unique ways

the full transcript:

Geoff: "The Achievement Hunter brand is coming to a close. We have decided to sunset it and to end it. And I've seen a lot of- for a very good reason- and that announcement came in tandem with another announcement, a very exciting announcement about a new brand called Dogbark. And I've seen a lot of excitement, a lot of appreciation from people, a lot of people supporting Michael and those guys [referring to Trevor, Joe, and Alfredo] going off into doing their own thing.

I've seen a lot of fear and uncertainty. I totally get and understand that; you guys are hearing this for the first time. Um, I've known about this for about six months. You know, this has been in some form of discussion or preparation for a while now. This wasn't a decision that was made lightly, uhh... but I think it's the right decision, and I hope that you'll understand and support that, and here's why:

15 years ago, I went to Burnie and Matt and Gus, and I said 'Hey, I'm losing my mind making Red vs Blue.' It was season 5 or 6, and I- I think it was 6 or 7, actually- and I was just so creatively drained and stifled. And I had such a wonderful time making Red vs Blue, but I had made it until I couldn't make it anymore. And I had this idea, and I was very passionate about this idea of this thing I wanted to try. And Burnie and Gus and Matt were so kind and supportive to give me the creative runway to launch and test Achievement Hunter out at a time when everybody- friends- everybody was telling me 'What are you doing, quitting making Red vs Blue? It's a huge hit! You're like, the #2 guy on it. You're a big part of this! Why would you leave that to do this unproven, untested thing?' And I had to! I had to follow my dream, I had to follow my passion. And like I said, Burnie and Matt and Gus and everybody else, Jason, everybody involved in Rooster Teeth at the time, were so fucking supportive and so wonderful to me in that period that 15 years later, we've had 15 years of Achievement Hunter.

We wouldn't be here on this set right now in front of all this Zimmer stuff, in front of fucking dumb pictures of Gavin and Garbage Pail Kids and Barbie and- fucking new Dallas poster, by the way. Uh, all of this has existed because they allowed me to take a chance and supported me taking that chance. And uh- I would be some kind of fucking hypocrite if I didn't provide the same level of support and genuine enthusiasm to Michael and Alfredo and Joe and Trevor as they embark on the same journey I went on 15 years ago! And this is a very- I don't want to speak for them. They didn't make this decision lightly, I guarantee you, and they will explain it in their own voice over the next few weeks as we say goodbye to Achievement Hunter and say hello to Dogbark. [actual dog barks in the background] We worked on that ahead of time.

Uhh... and so I would only ask that you give them the same level of support that the audience gave me when I tried out Achievement Hunter, this untested, unproven thing, and the same level of support you all gave us when we decided that we're going to make F**kface, an audio-only podcast recorded remotely, which is something that I never in a million years wanted to do or thought was a good idea until we did it, and found out it was simply too good, found out that it worked and it ended up becoming, I think, hopefully the best thing I've participated in. I really ju- I really just want to drive that point home. Joe and Trevor and Michael and Alfredo have spent years and years and years making content that they believe in to support and entertain you. And that's all they want to do with this new production.

Everything comes to an end. It's okay for things to end. I know it's scary and it's sad, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen, and that doesn't mean it's going away. We have 15 years of Achievement Hunter content online that you can still watch and enjoy. Hundreds of thousands of hours of content, hundreds upon hundreds of episodes of Minecraft and GTA that are still there for you to go and watch. I mean, hell, I think Emily and I are a great example of that. We've been watching a show that came out in 1978 called Dallas. It ran from 1978 to 1992, and that was 40 fucking years ago. And yet here we are enjoying it, just as if it came out yesterday. Justice for Sue Ellen, I think we can all agree, justice for Sue Ellen. So I would just say that I hope that you'll be excited about this new journey in their careers and this new opportunity for Rooster Teeth. It's sad to say goodbye to a thing, but it's not disappearing. It's still there. You can still go watch all those videos. You can still go enjoy- enjoy all that content, but you can also support them in what they're doing.

And one other little inaccuracy, or not even inaccuracy, but one thing I want to touch on- and then I'll get to breaking cards and being an idiot- is a thing that kind of bugs me, is that- I'm sure you've heard this phrase or some variation of this phrase before where it's uh, said that a lie can travel halfway across the world, while the truth is still putting its pants on, and-"

Emily: "That's kinda deep! I've never heard that before." Geoff: "You've never heard that before?" Emily: "No!"

Geoff: "Yeah, and I've seen a lot of supposition and people saying things that just aren't true. And I want to stop that right now before they travel halfway across the world. Because there is no truth to the idea that like- anytime we make a change that's controversial or a bit scary or different or new or unexpected, there's this idea that there's uh, some dude in a suit from Warner Brothers or Rooster Teeth standing just off-camera, sternly going, 'Make this decision. Follow this algorithm. We're chasing a demographic.' None of that is true. Rooster Teeth would be very happy if they continued making Achievement Hunter forever, but they weren't happy making Achievement Hunter, and they wanted to try a new thing.

They wanted to do what I did 15 years ago! They wanted to do what Ray did when he left Achievement Hunter, right? They wanted to bet on themselves and make their production. I love the work they put into- to mine, and I did my best to make it ours. But at the end of the day, I left Achievement Hunter five years ago! Uh, it would be really foolhardy and stupid and- and dickhead-ish of me to have a problem with them doing the same thing, uh, but it's also them. This is a decision that they made, that they wanted to make. It didn't come from anybody at Rooster Teeth or Warner Brothers. There was no, I don't know, this marketing department you always hear about that's telling them to make these decisions and- 'Chase the Gen Z crowd and come up- This is the name we've workshopped.' None of that's true! They came up with the name. They came up with the logo, they came up with the design, the color palette, the trailer, the content that's going to be released in a couple of weeks, that's all them! That's what they wanna do.

That is them following the same passion that I followed 15 years ago and the same passion that I followed when I created Let's Play, and the same passion that I that I followed when I created F**kface. And hopefully the same passion, the same passion that I created this with, and hopefully the same passion that I'll create the next and the next and the next thing with, and hopefully the same passion that they get to do, uh, as they continue their career. So all I'm asking for is give the new thing a chance, support it. It's a brave thing to do to walk out of the safety of Achievement Hunter into a new thing.

And also, uh, I've seen a lot of doomers that are saying like 'Ah, I called it ten years ago! I knew it was gonna fail!' It didn't fail. It ended. It was 15 fucking awesome years. And I'm going to stop talking now because I'm just going to get rambly. But I will say: There's a couple of weeks left of Achievement Hunter content coming out where they pay homage, if you will, to a lot of the videos and the shows from the past,, and the people from the past, and they have a lot of sweet things that they're going to do. And it'll culminate at the end with one last video that I am in where I get fucking verbose about my feelings about all of it. So if you want to hear more about my feelings of the 15 years of Achievement Hunter, I ask that you tune in to that last Achievement Hunter video. But I also ask that you tune into every video between now and then, because they're going to be saying goodbye to Achievement Hunter with a lot of love and respect and humor. And uh, I think that's what it deserves. And I hope that we all get to share in that together, and then, and then subscribe to Dogbark and give it a shot. [dog barks again] Thank you.

And uh, remember that all of these people that you've loved that have come and gone are still making content right now. Jack and BK, I think Jack's on vacation, but Jack and BK are over there in Inside Gaming, making content, playing video games 3, 4 hours a day, 3 or 4 days a week, playing Minecraft, playing all those old games that you loved to see us play. And Michael is making Face Jam every week. And Michael and Trevor and Alfredo and Joe are going to be making Dogbark every fucking day. And Gavin and I, we're making F**kface every day. And I'm making ANMA and I'm making So... Alright, and Ky has helped producing it all uh, behind the scenes.

Matt and Jeremy and Ray, they're streaming every fucking day of their lives, I believe. I think Jeremy's on, like, 18 days in a row right now, or something? [referring to Jeremy's uncapped subathon]. So all the people that you loved to support and who uh, entertained you throughout the years, they're still doing the thing that they love. They're just doing it in the way that they wanna do it, in the way that makes sense to them. And I just hope that you will be... respectful of that, and give them an opportunity to entertain you uh, in much the same way they entertained you last year and the year before and 5 years ago and 10 years ago. They just want to get up every day and make the best content they can make, and they're not- they're not making these decisions for any other reason than this is where their creative interests are leading them. And much like you gave me a chance 15 years ago, let's all give them a chance today. [dog barks again] That's it. I'm done. Let's open up some fucking cards."

#geoff ramsey #achievement hunter #dogbark #rooster teeth #f**kface podcast #that should be all the important tags i think #may have missed a few words here and there but hopefully not anything that removes context :) #holy shit i forgot how much geoff can ramble on and on #i lost track on how many times he says 'and' #like. i had to use a thing that makes automatic subtitles from a video before i started editing them manually #because this guy talks like his life depends on it #that's the sole reason the readmore exists. like i wrote a goddamn essay lol #anyways yeah. make of all of this as you will. i'm just the messenger :P

[syrips]

thinking about the poll/post (omg i found it!!) asking about if strahd would be a vampire ascendant and i decided to ramble about it along with other random things because dont mind if i do indulge!! hehe

shoutout to @/thecatslug for inspiring me to colorcode my rambles because oh my god i love colors. also sorry the color code might not make sense its just syrips color coded my brain likes it gfdgdfg

ravenloft / bg3 spoilers below:

so, im not sure if the question meant 'would strahd be considered a vampire ascendant' or if it meant 'could strahd become a vampire ascendant', so i decided ill try to answer this: would strahd be considered a vampire ascendant? sorry if this wasnt the original question i just wanted to ramble honestly

before we get into the fancy nitty gritty stuff, let's take a look at the details of four main things apparently i cant count heh, get it, count? anyways im not fixing that four sorry numbers are hard

Vellioth the Martinet

Baldur's Gate's Master Vampire List

The Black Mass Scroll As A Whole

Cazador and Jander (what?)

Strahd

-----

Vellioth the Martinet

so, random fun theory that no one asked but i just wanna ramble it. did you know that 'vellus' means fleece or wool?

just gonna leave this here. unrelated to anything else btw i just wanna ramble it.

random wiki stuff:

"vellus / villus / veillier = fleece, shaggy tuft hair, wool villi = in france, to watch over martinet = wikipedia: 'in English, the term martinet usually refers not to the whip but to those who might use it: those who demand strict adherence to set rules and mete out punishment for failing to follow them.' vellus hair = 'peach fuzz'"

🩸✨💛 random theory no one asked for 💛✨🩸

vellioth has hair with:

color range: peach (fuzz) to wheat blonde

length: medium to long

type/shape/texture: curly to kinky; 'shaggy/woolly sheep' texture

anyways back to the actual stuff.

... hi.

so! the narrator/cazador describe Vellioth as 'ancient', or at least they call his skull ancient? which is very strange to me for two main reasons. Vellioth isn't old. and i know, 'but syrips, you say everyone isn't old because strahd's a big old dusty super elder!.' and yea. hehe youre right. but for now, just remember this - Vellioth was Baldur Gate's Master Vampire from 1204 DR to 1276 DR. this will be important in a moment, not even because of the age, but because what ill describe below.

-----

Baldur's Gate's Master Vampire List

so. one thing that i see thrown around a bit, is that people may assume that the vampire list left by Lady Incognita is based on birth and death or other stuff, but! i will clarify it a bit:

the title of Master Vampire does not mean the previous one's destruction or death. it only means their defeat upon someone else taking the throne. sure, they may occur at the same time, but one can take over without killing the former.

the master vampire list is a self-proclaiming title, and one that others can attempt to contest

each city/point of interest has their own master vampires fighting in their own little territories. we only see those of baldur's gate. not of waterdeep. not of other towns or cities or locations. if you're feeling the vtm clan vibes/drama, then youre absolutely right! cazador penpalling another master vampire to brag about his master vampire status in baldur's gate is both him bragging and him potentially preparing to claim other places once he ascends

the master vampire title gives no actual vampiric, magical, or physical power. it's an entirely a social construct, in the most literal way possible. it provides social influence, social intimidation, etc. but, it's just like putting on a mundane tiara. grats, i guess.. its shiny at least-

anyways, this stuff is mostly put down just to say - nothing about this "Master Vampire" status is about ascension, power, and/or 'special abilities'. it's a moot point/status. which leads to why the master vampires need other ways to gain power.. which is why.. woah! cool transition to-

-----

The Black Mass Scroll As A Whole

if you got this far then thanks for reading. sit up and hydrate because it's time to talk about the black mass and why you need to be in tip top shape for reading this part. ahem:

the black mass scroll is not just one ritual, it is a collection of Vellioth's schooling, a list of rites/rituals, details of soul, divine (good, neutral, and evil) magic, and the methods of manipulation of the soul, divinity, and magic.

tl;dr - the black mass scroll is a list of lists. a collection of collections. the black mass scroll is.. an archive!

one could say it is massive. heh. anyways yea, the mass is a double meaning - a mass in the ritual sense, but also the meaning of 'a bunch of somethings.'

why is this important though? well. because this black mass has 'all the ways death can be turned to one's advantage or made more interesting', such as 'The Rite of Perfect Slaughter' and the 'Rite of Profane Ascension.'

so, let's talk about the Rite of Perfect Slaughter, which is actually fairly easy - Cazador killed Vellioth in the Rite of Perfect Slaughter. yet, Vellioth, who should be 'dead,' is recalling this. we should note, both of these people are undead. and undead death doesnt always work in the same way as complete removal/destruction. literally look at the other undead/'dead' in bg3 itself. look at those who 'died' in ravenloft. yet, some return, despite being 'killed' in the human perceived way.

either way, all we can confirm, based on this Rite of Perfect Slaughter, is that it removed Vellioth's authority/status as a Master Vampire. that is literally all the information we have right now. anything else is speculation, theory, or even deception by an undead or someone affiliated. which makes me wonder, who came up and formed that name, the "Rite of Perfect Slaughter"? cazador and vellioth both have a distorted view of what 'perfection' means, and we've seen cazador lie/hide information that will work against him. and also, Vellioth was laughing as cazador did the Rite on Vellioth. why didnt cazador and astarion laugh together when astarion performed the Rite of Ascension? because cazador didnt want the rite used on him. i guess the point of all of this is, who originally discovered or created the Rite of Perfect Slaughter? because, we dont know! for all we know, Vellioth couldve wanted to be 'killed' to give his soul to someone else, to preserve his vampirism/unlife or something. afterall, the black mass has 'all the ways death can be turned to one's advantage.' it doesnt say by who benefits from it. but anyways. the origin isnt really relevant for this, i just wanted to point out that these Rites are all a various and mixed collection of times, rituals, affiliations, and intentions - most that we dont even know fully, if at all of who benefits from it. and, considering we dont even know what some mean, or who made them, the original people who discovered them may not even be Cazador or Vellioth.

why? or how?

because, the line Astarion says when he picks up the Black Mass Scroll: "[Cazador] stole everything, even [Vellioth's] precious rules."

it doesnt matter who made the rites, rituals, weird strange description/stuff. all that matters is that Cazador has the entire bundle of stuff that is from previous vampires and creatures. and, the symbolism that Astarion picks it up and takes it, means the collection of potential power - of The Black Mass Scroll - Astarion is the current inheritor of potential power.

-----

Cazador and Jander (what?)

now, reader. you might be like. 'syrips, what does this have to do with if Strahd is considered a vampire ascendant? why is jander being brought in here?? im so confused, just answer the question about strahd!' well, too bad! you gotta wait! into the sealed tomb with leo dilisnya you go!

anyways! what we learned so far (as well as random rambling cuz why not):

cazador literally takes things that aren't his

cazador learned this from 'ancient' vellioth

Vellioth become a master vampire at 1204 DR of baldur's gate

Cazador became one at 1276 DR of baldur's gate

but! let's take a quick look and compare this to our beloved Jander Sunstar's lore:

they are incredibly weak when compared to an already existing Jander and strahd, as Anna has existed on the sword coast beginning around 970 DR

not only does time work differently in barovia, but in Toril / DR time, strahd already exists at this point as The Vampire. he is already the ruler of barovia, as well as the center of attention in the domains of dread

time isnt really important here, but its worth noting this because of Jander. not only did he kill his vampire master (which can be considered a 'vampiric ascension,' as you break the chains and limits of your master and are now free to grow in vampiric abilities), but he literally wielded an ancient and holy relic that vellioth and cazador could not even imagine to do.

and, not only did Jander do that, but he challenged the cause of vampirism and was brought by the mists into barovia. he was a candidate to challenge the master, founder, and origin of vampirism - strahd. Jander had the potential to ascend. to break free from the true master and curse, of The Vampire.

anyways, jander (and astarion) is a great reference character for vampire ability when comparing vellioth and cazador to jander/strahd.

but yea. tl;dr - jander makes vellioth and cazador look really pathetic. like baby levels pathetic. vampire ascension is about going 'backwards/upwards' on the vampiric bloodline tree, gaining your agency back so that you can climb up the ranks to more 'potent/ancient' generations. basically, it's about being free to go as far/deep as you can attempt. ascension is not about 'the removal of weaknesses', it's about 'the reduction of vampiric inferiority'. and, being unable to be in the sun is not of inferiority. they can go in the sun, but it will hurt. what one cannot do without suffering, teamwork, pacts, and/or luck, however, is breaking their seal on the master they're forced to be inferior to. even in the cazador fight, the only thing that saved astarion was literally the tadpole helping to reduce his inferiority with cazador. on a side note, vellioth laughing at cazador during the rite of perfect slaughter makes me believe that vellioth benefitted and only caused cazador to descend deeper, instead of ascend.

anyways. back to cazador. the only way that he can reduce the vampiric inferiority (as well as ascend himself) is for him to confront more and more ancient vampires, you know. like what jander attempted. but, cazador doesnt want to do that. instead, he works with an archdevil to attempt a cheap temporary bandaid/loophole around the wrong problem. instead of focusing on his own inferiority complex heh pun intended, he focuses on how to get a tan and how to be less thirsty..? like. what? either he has no idea what hes doing, or he believes removing all weaknesses and flaws will make him a more perfect vampire. what a silly head.

anyways. the rite of 'ascension.'

yea, let's go into that!

what is the Rite of Ascension??

here you go, reader!

---

🎇🩸🏹 The Rite of Profane Ascension 🏹🩸🎇

Oh, piteous dead! Oh, ravenous dead!

syrips translator: oh pathetic hungry un/dead people!

Immortality is your gift, but darkness is your prison and hunger its gaoler.

syrips translator: you can't be out in the (sun)light, and your hunger imprisons you because youre in denial of how to manage your vampirism.

The Rite of Profane Ascension will release you. Walk in the sun. Suffer not from hunger. Grow your power beyond anything you imagined.

syrips translator: with just 7 payments of 999.99 souls, you too can remove the ailments of sun allergies and midnight cravings! call now to receive your 'ascension' kit!

A pact has been made with the Lord of Hellfire. Deliver unto him seven thousand souls, each bearing an Infernal mark, and you shall be free of your chains. You shall know true power.

syrips translator: -fast disclaimer speak- your sun and anti-hunger status is not actually included or garaunteed. you are agreeing to the terms and conditions that you are only receiving the kit to build and perform the sun and anti-hunger ritual. 'free of your chains' is only used to describe the 'chains of darkness and hunger' and nothing else. purchase not necessary to be 'ascended.' call now and begin your journey!!

Deliver the souls.

syrips translator: i really dont care who gives me the souls. just gimmy. thanks

Speak the words.

syrips translator: okay the actual pact is below. everything else was just to hype you up and was just the advertisement, hehe! anyways. anyone who says the ritual below with the right components is all i care about. because the stuff below is the actual trade. and no, you didnt get scammed. this isn't a vampire ascension, it's just an advertisement targetted towards a vampiric audience. you read the terms and conditions correctly, right? silly guy.

Ecce dominus,

syrips translator: "(google translate) Behold, the Lord" / 'uhh hi -opens trade window-'

Has animas offero in sacrificio,

syrips translator: "(google translate) I offer these souls in sacrifice," / -puts 7k stack of souls in trade window- 'here's the actual trade that you wanted -presses confirm trade-'

Nunc volo potestatem quam pollicitus es mihi.

syrips translator: "(google translate) Now I want the power you promised me." / -presses accept- so this trade goes against the ToS but.. youll give me the power i asked for, right?... oh thank god i was so afraid. illegal ingame-to-irl-currency trades are so scary.. thank god, or thank meph in this case haha get it- oh okay im leaving.. s-sorry.. thanks..-

-----

Strahd

wooo hooo! we made it back to the original question!! we did it!!

now, lettuce answer this question that we we've been waiting on for so long. i dont want to leaf you hanging.

would strahd be considered a vampire ascendant?

big drum roll! bhrrrbhrbrhbhrr!!

-cough-

..

no.

...

-leaves-

-returns-

okay so. why isnt strahd considered a vampy ascendant?

well, before we talk about that. let's consider what a 'vampire ascendant' is considered, by Vellioth, Cazador, and the Rite of Profane Ascension's terms:

an 'ascended vampire' is just one who has the ailments of sunlight and hunger removed by the process of this specific ritual. remember that line i said of a Master Vampire being a moot point? well.. to burst the blood bubble, the "Ascended Vampire" line isnt a literal 'vampire ascension'. it's also a moot point, in its own way. but not as mooty, it's more of like a half-truth. like something an archdevil would do to tempt someone into doing something for a small dose of infernal - not raw vampiric - power in return. take note that nowhere in the actual ritual lines does it talk about ascension, let alone vampiric ascension. all it talks about is to say the words 'you made a promise.. i hope you keep it..pls gimmy Infernal powers..'

you know how raphael is making a deal with you and how off it feels? that's because youre not ascending when he mutes your tadpole. he's just using his abilities to manipulate/mold something in you with his powers. that's how this ritual also is. it's just a half-truth, unempathetic advertisement, masked as a pact so that the one who does it feels satisfied, despite the archdevil just receiving much more power than the one who sacrificed all the souls.

but, let's say this ritual is legitimate, and one does 'ascend' by the archdevil's abilities to remove the ailments. so, they are technically 'rising,' in a way. they are becoming a 'stronger infernal-gifted vampire' because of less weaknesses. but, what are they trying to ascend to? what is the purpose of removing all of these weaknesses? why go through all of this?

because. they hunger. they want power. they want true immortality. they want to remove all weaknesses in mortal life and immortal unlife to have free agency, without inferiority to anything. they want to be able to transcend time, space, and death, to be on a level of the highest peak of vampirism.

and, of course. who would that be? who would be the most ancient, powerful vampire, cursed and imprisoned by their own success in achieving what other vampires can only dream of?

who was imprisoned not from failure, but from succeeding too well that something else had to intervene?

anyways, as much as i love stroking strahd's ego LOl i keep going tho, his novel-canon potential is severely higher than the CoS potential. but, through all the modules, novels, and other media, it's still heavily implied that strahd's major weakness is tatyana. if he had tatyana, or felt he was losing the chance to pursue her, if he lost this weakness, he would unironically be scarily unstoppable. the only thing stopping strahd from being a huge dictator or even more power-hungry tyrant is literally because of his obsession/'curse' with wanting to have a bae. which i find very hilarious but focus syrips that part isnt the point-

anyways. tl;dr - strahd has nothing to ascend to. he has no vampire that he's inferior to. if anything, he wants to descend. he wants to be 'less' of what he is now, to be with tatyana. or, to ascend tatyana to his vampiric level. it's his entire curse. and, because of this, he also cannot descend. if he does, he will either lose himself, or he will lose tatyana. and he will not dare to risk that.

he also has nothing that he has or can ascend from. he is the 'original'. at most, he just ascended from 'himself.' but, that's not really an ascension more than just a transition. (and, moving from the material plane to the domains of dread kind of shows that he's not really ascending/rising, more than he's just moving into a warped/slanted plane that operates differently in time and space.) and, unlike in the Rite of Profane Ascension, strahd used himself (and everything affiliated to him) as both the component and result, because no other method existed. he is the origin and reason that rites/methods to 'becoming a more powerful vampire' even exist. he's the reason that vampires exist. when strahd says he's the ancient and land, he's not just saying it for the cool monologue phrase even though we all know he totally enjoys saying it everytime. he's also bluntly saying, 'i am the ancient because i, with barovia, transcend time. i am the land because i, with barovia, connect with the domains of dread. and, the domains of dread, connects with all planes. i am beyond 'a vampire.' i, strahd, am the concept and definition of the vampire.'

everything that all vampires do, by definition, are mock versions, mock attempts, and mock methods that strahd has already mastered, influenced others to do, or that he has knowledge/creation of. everything all vampires do, is attempting to do what their masters had done. with every new spawn, they start at the bottom, trying to climb to their master's level. and even more rarely, attempting to climb to their master's master's level. but strahd is at the top of the MLM vampire pyramid. he has no master to climb up the ranks to. he's already the CEO, founder, etc. (idk how business works), he can't out-climb himself. -strahd pompous voice- 'ouhhh.. it's so lonely being at the top, ouhhh..' but anyways, he can ascend or assist others, since he's a patron. but most power-hungry vampires wouldnt want to do that, especially because they're probably trying to climb up just to compete or be on strahd's vampiric level. and yet, asking strahd for ascension is incredibly easy - all it would mean is making an eternal pact to always be subservient and inferior to strahd.. he'd gladly ascend you, you'd have the potential to be superior to all other vampires.. the only one above you would be personally him. and.. suddenly, a deal with an archdevil who doesnt care about the pettiness of vampire superiority, kind of sounds safer in comparison now..-

or idk. i could be wrong. just a ramble i had fun doing. hehe ty for reading

references/sauces:

bg3

bg3 wiki

wikipedia

wiktionary

google translate

ravenloft novels/modules/games/media/editions from like everywhere

#curse of strahd spoilers #bg3 spoilers #random syrips theory #ravenloft spoilers #strahd von zarovich #sorry strahd i hate tagging u but i wanna organize it- gfdljhgf

[mermaidsirennikita]

Do you have any HR with the hero having a profession instead of being nobility?

Yes, def! I love non-noble heroes.

Lisa Kleypas writes a lot of self-made men, with some of the most prominent books I'd recommend (there are other ones, these are just my favorites) including:

Dreaming of You. Derek Craven runs a successful gambling club; he was born in a drainpipe!!! He named himself!!! He lived on the streets, he totally made a success of himself, and now he can't deal with his sense of inadequacy and his dirty, dirty hands sullying Sara (though he will for sure do stuff to her... I mean, if she was wearing a mask and they got started and he realized it was her during... he might as well finish it...)

Secrets of a Summer Night. Simon Hunt is self-made, and he comes off as a super successful industry tycoon. It's hOT. And of course, the conflict of his book is him asking the poor but blueblooded heroine to be his mistress, while she's like "omg he's so COARSE!!!"

Marrying Winterborne. Would recommend reading Cold-Hearted Rake, which does have a noble hero, beforehand for context. Rhys Winterborne is Welsh (!) and owns a department store and he's always like "spend my money babe".

Seduce Me at Sunrise--Kev Merripen is kind of like... a servant for the Hathaways? But he's also grown beyond that. He's most definitely not nobility, and nor is Cam in Meet Me at Midnight (which is also good, but I don't love it quite as much).

Again the Magic--McKenna was a servant for Aline's family, was sent away because of their romance, and made his money abroad

Lorraine Heath has some, which I love:

Between the Devil and Desire. Just re-listened! Jack Dodger was a child thief (the bEST child thief! He's Dodge!) and now owns a gambling club that's super successful.

Midnight Pleasures with a Scoundrel. James Swindler was also a child thief/con artist (a swindler perhaps) and is now an inspector. There's also a novella following this book about their friend, Dr. Graves, who's obviously a doctor and was a graverobber as a child--but I haven't read that one yet.

Her Sins for All Seasons series has 4/6 heroes who were born illegitimate and therefore aren't noble--Beyond Scandal and Desire has Mick, who runs a club, The Scoundrel in Her Bed as a hero who does similarly but is kind of halfhearted about it (and was a horse slaughterer when he was younger), and The Duchess in His Bed has a hero who runs a club for WOMEN!!! There is another self-made hero I've yet to read in Beauty Tames the Beast (I think?).

Elizabeth Hoyt has a lot of heroes who aren't noble:

Scandalous Desires--Mickey O'Connor is an extremely successful river pirate.

Thief of Shadows--Winter runs an orphanage for poor lil babies

Sweetest Scoundrel--Asa is trying to build up a pleasure garden (he's Winter's brother)

Most of Joanna Shupe's Gilded Age heroes are not noble, because American. Special shoutouts to:

The Rogue of Fifth Avenue--the hero is a former thief-turned-lawyer/fixer for a rich man, who falls for his boss's daughter

The Prince of Broadway--Clay Madden runs a casino and begins mentoring his hero (in a revenge plot)

The Devil of Downtown--Jack Devlin is a gangster lol

In the Fifth Avenue Rebels, the first three heroes (basically everyone but Lockwood) are not noble but they do come from money. Shoutout to The Lady Gets Lucky (Kit is rich but demands to be taken seriously by starting a supper club) and The Bride Goes Rogue (Preston is Vague Tycoon Man).

Grace Callaway has:

Pippa and the Prince of Secrets--Cull runs a band of CHILD THIEVES and lives on the criminal/vigilante edges of society

Glory and the Master of Shadows--Wei is a martial arts master who is recovering from some pretty severe trauma, while also handling some dirty dirty deeds on the low.

Sarah MacLean's first two Bareknuckle Bastards books (Brazen and the Beast and Wicked and the Wallflower) have criminal underworld heroes, and Knockout has an inspector hero!

Stacy Reid's A Scoundrel of Her Own has a hero who was born poor but has risen up in society (which is now why he wants to claim his upper class childhood sweetheart as his own muahahahaha--)

Beverly Jenkins's heroes generally are not noble, because she doesn't write about white Brits, but they do often come from money. Galen Vachon in Indigo comes from a wealthy, influential Creole family, and the hero of Forbidden is passing for white, but is actually the biracial son of a plantation owner.

#romance novel blogging #book recs #romance: self made heroes

[universewolfpup]

Ah—I can relate to AU’s not really having any names. While some of mine do have one, they’re more basic names than anything. Like, for my Dr. Scraptrap AU, that’s exactly what it’s called—though I sort of want different names for all of them.

Anyways—mind sharing some of that angst that you mentioned? I love angst :) As well as anything for Springy? I’m curious.

<Incorrect-fnaf-quotes

incorrect-fnaf-quotes 🤝 universewolfpup

not having names for our aus

OKOKOK SO MOST OF THE ANGST IS WITH SPRINGY AND FINN DKDHDKDH

basically what happens in the au is that in the first part, (omigosh I have to explain everything djekfjd) Springy and Fredbear are married and they adopted Goldie when they were a baby, and so as they get older, Goldie gets sick and has to go to frequent doctor visits and just has to be taken care of and stuff (i still don't have their illness figured out hrng)

and so they're around 10-ish, 11-ish years old at this point in the au, and they end up passing away cause they're just so sick, and it absolutely destroys Springy (and Finn)

and so Springy has chronic depression and anxiety cause he's always been like that, the poor lad, and so when Goldie passes, it absolutely breaks him because he just lost his child, and Fredbear is going the best he can to comfort him while trying to cope himself

Finn on the other hand doesn't know who to turn to, so he just stays quiet on the whole thing while everyone (the adults, not his friends) thinks he's fine (he's not (how would you feel if your best friend died ??))

I still really haven't figured out how Finn copes but it'll come to me eventually (a friend suggested him and Goldie having the same illness, Finn getting to live and Goldie passing away, which absolutely destroys Finn and he starts thinking to himself "it should have been me, I should've been the one to die, not Goldie" essentially feeling so much guilt for something he had no control over, but I'm not quite sure yet) (that route also gives me the excuse to include a bit of Withered Foxy in there since they suggested he loses his arm and leg from the illness) (shoutout to the GOAT peanuts !!!!)

and so Goldie dies, and as the years pass Springy doesn't get better. he's still super distraught over the death of his child, causing him to be more distant from Fredbear and their diner (and their nephews and niece (the gang teehee)) (all four call them Uncle Fredbear and Uncle Springy 🥺🥺)

Finn gets a bit better through the help of his friends, but he ofc still misses Goldie dearly. during this time, the gang are now in their late teens/early 20s, and that's about where part 1 of the au ends !!

the second part gets worse, and that's where we split the au, still following the gang, but also following Springy's perspective.

out of all the parts in my au i think the first part still needs more work, mainly on character interactions and relationships, if that makes sense. part 1 doesn't have quite a whole lot going on compared to part 2 (where the Toys and Funtimes get introduced, as well as Springy's spinoff and whatnot)

#fnaf #five nights at freddy's #fnaf au #asks #glappy's universe #glappy's rambles #this au is so freaking long 😭😭 #i love it so much though #i hold it oh so dearly in my heart #Springy my beloved blorbo

[studiomet]

Human!Usami/Monomi

Monokuma / Shirokuma & Kurokuma

#metamorphias creations #usami danganronpa #danganronpa #danganronpa goodbye despair #monomi #sdr2 goodbye despair #human monomi #human usami #sdr2gd #holy shit dr content #in a sea of HeroAca posts #i finally remember that im in other fandoms #shoutout to everyone who followed me for dr stuff #heres your monthly food

[nothoughtsonlynat]

Resurrect Me: Part 2 (N.R.)

Part One

Huge shoutout to @confusinggemini612 who requested this a loooong time ago and I’m just now getting to it (I am so sorry for the wait). I hope this is what you had in mind :)

Warnings: swearing; PTSD; mentions of suicide/self-sacrifice

Word count: 2.6k

EIGHT MONTHS LATER

The cool breeze blows through my hair, the hand in mine being the only source of warmth in the chill of the Russian countryside. As we walk closer, a chorus of pigs snorting fills my ears. Natasha had given me a brief rundown and a quick pep talk before taking me to meet her family. Now, it was game time.

“Are you ready?”

“Not in the slightest,” I respond to the redhead.

“Let’s do it then,” she says with a smirk, to which I reply with a scoff.

We walk through the gate and enter the small house, immediately hearing three distinct voices, each laced with a thick Russian accent. The voices hush as the door closes behind us, and a blonde woman is the first to greet us.

“Ah, сестра! Mom and Dad are flirting again, let’s make a run for it,” Yelena whisper-yells.

“So put a sedative in their vodka or something, I don’t know,” Natasha replies. I’m not sure if I should introduce myself or not, so I just stand there awkwardly.

“They are both spies, they’re not going to fall for- actually, Alexei would, but Mom would never fall for that,” Yelena pauses as she notices me. She looks me from head to toe and squints before her lips quirk into a smirk. “And who might this be? Is this your little girlfriend?”

“Yelena, don’t be an ass,” Nat grumbles with a scowl.

“Hi, I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you.”

Yelena hums before turning back to Natasha. “She’s definitely your girlfriend.”

“Oh shut up,” Natasha whines, walking further into the house. I look at Yelena and nod in confirmation before following Nat. I hear her whisper “I knew it” from behind me, causing me to laugh. Natasha turns to give me a questioning look, but I just brush it off with a shrug and a smirk. She narrows her eyes and opens her mouth to say something, but is cut off by a deep, booming voice.

“Natasha! Welcome home! Look at this, all my girls back together again! It is so nice to see you,” Alexei says, moving forward to pinch Natasha’s cheeks. She gently pushes him away with a scowl, and I can’t tell if she’s really uncomfortable or not. Either way, it brings my guard up, ready to defend her.

“And who might this be?” Alexei questions, turning to face me.

“Dad, this is Y/N,” she says before I can answer. I offer a kind smile.

Yelena, who had made her way to the kitchen table with a bottle of vodka, says “She’s Natasha’s girlfriend.”

“Thank you for the input, Yelena,” Natasha says with a tight-lipped smile.

“Girlfriend, huh? When did that happen? Natasha, I was not aware that you, uh, how do you say? Swing that way?” A dark-haired woman slaps his arm for his comment and he exclaims, “Ow!”

“Pay him no mind, Natasha. He is a bit slow, but Mama always knew. You were not very discreet about the way you looked at that Hannah girl in Ohio. And as for you, it is nice to meet you. I’m Melina, what is your name?” Her demeanor is friendly, but her gaze is skeptical. She’s probably already planning how to kill me if she decides that I’m not good enough for her daughter.

“I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you, too,” I say with a nervous smile.

“Alright, guys, that’s enough. Please stop harassing my girlfriend,” Natasha says with a sigh.

“Come, sit,” Yelena commands with a wave, still sitting at the kitchen table.

I sit across from her and Natasha sits next to me. Melina and Alexei follow soon after, with Alexei sitting at the head of the table and Melina sitting next to Yelena.

“Here you go,” Yelena says as she slides me a shot glass full of vodka. I clink it against hers in the air and down it in one go, grimacing at the burn. “Are you alright?” Yelena asks with a smirk, clearly enjoying my agony.

“Oh, yeah, I’m great. Just not used to Russian vodka, that’s all.” Yelena nods, satisfied with my answer, before going to pour me another shot.

Natasha stops her by saying, “Yelena, no more vodka. You’re going to kill her.”

“You’re no fun,” the younger sister says, but complies, nonetheless.

“Natasha, you are slouching again. Sit up straight,” Melina interjects.

“Mom, I’m not slouching. I told you I don’t slouch,” Nat protests.

“So how did you two meet?” Yelena asks, interrupting the banter.

“Oh, we met in New York during the invasion, when the Avengers were formed,” I answer.

“You are an Avenger! I knew you looked familiar. Tell me, does Captain America ever mention me, the great Red Guardian? I could kick his ass, you know. I’ve done it before,” Alexei says, causing the three Russian women to groan and complain.

“That never happened, Dad,” Yelena mumbles at the same time Natasha says, “He doesn’t talk about you because you guys have never met.” 

I raise my eyebrows at them. They seem awfully familiar with this conversation; how often does Alexei say this crap?

“So, Y/N. What happened when you guys brought everyone back? How did you do it? Natasha won't tell me,” Yelena questions. I chuckle nervously, glancing at Natasha, who is clearly uncomfortable with this topic of discussion.

“Um, I don’t know if I should… It’s complicated, really,” I say, trailing off.

“Yelena, stop. It doesn’t matter. And don’t put her in the middle of things,” Natasha responds, defending me. An awkward silence fills the room until Alexei speaks up again.

“He really hasn’t mentioned me? Have you even asked him about me?”

<//>

“Why won’t you tell them what happened?” I ask quietly. It’s nighttime now, and I’m lying in bed next to Nat in the guest room. She seemed so uncomfortable, and it’s been worrying me since.

“They just don’t need to know,” she replies shortly

“But they got snapped away, Natty. Don’t you think they deserve more of an explanation than what they’ve seen on the news?”

“Don’t tell me what to do with my family, Y/N.” Her sharp tone feels like a blade to the heart, but I take a deep breath and soften my resolve, knowing that she’s only snapping at me because something else is upsetting her.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push. I just, I can tell that something is upsetting you. You can’t just bottle stuff up, Nat. It doesn’t have to be me if you’re not comfortable, but you need to talk to someone about it.”

She doesn’t respond immediately. “I’ve told them. I gave them the basics: Thanos snapped people away, we time traveled, got magical stones, snapped people back, and then killed Thanos. That satisfied my parents, but Yelena wants to know the whole story.”

“And you’re not comfortable retelling it?”

“Parts of it are bearable, but… I can’t think about it. You almost killed yourself for me, Y/N. You did die for me. I can’t think about that day, let alone tell my baby sister about it,” she says. Her voice is quiet, breaking as the tears flood her eyes. I pull her head into my chest and run my fingers through her hair.

“I’m right here, Natty. I’m not going anywhere, I promise. You don’t have to tell anyone about what happened. I was terrified of losing you on Vormir. I hate talking about it, too.”

“Is that why you went to Dr. Garcia?”

“Partly. There were other reasons, too.” I hesitated before continuing. “I kept hearing the tortured screams. When I slept, in my head, everywhere I went. I heard them all the time. And I would get random whiffs of burning flesh. As you know, I went to the Underworld when I ‘died’ and I guess it just affected me more than I had originally thought.”

“Angel, why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve helped.”

“I didn’t want to worry you, or freak you out. The whole thing was pretty weird. For a while, I honestly thought I was haunted. It was probably pretty selfish, but I didn’t wanna scare you away.”

“You could never scare me away. But just to be clear, you aren’t haunted, right?”

I laugh quietly. “No, I am not haunted. A mild case of PTSD, but I’m doing better now. The therapy helped a lot.”

“Do you think it would help me? I still get nightmares sometimes...of you going over that cliff. I just, I close my eyes and you’re gone, and I hate it.”

“I’m so sorry, my love. I hate how much pain I’ve caused you. But I do think it would help. We can find someone when we get back home, yeah?”

“Yeah. I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you, Natty.”

<//>

“Just do it! It will be fun! I will go easy, I swear,” Yelena begs.

“Okay, fi-”

“No! No way in Hell. You are not sparring with her,” Natasha argues.

“I’ll be fine. Worst case scenario, she kicks my ass,” I say.

“Actually, I’m pretty sure the worst case scenario would be if I accidentally killed you,” Yelena says flatly. “But that won’t happen! Please, Natasha. I want to see what she’s got,” she pleads with a pout.

Natasha sighs and rolls her eyes, muttering something under her breath about us being a bunch of children. “Fine, but if you so much as scratch her-”

“Y/N will be fine. Come on,” Yelena says, grabbing my hand and dragging me into the backyard.

Thirty minutes later, I’m flat on my back in the grass, wheezing. I groan as I attempt to sit up, the whole world spinning as I do.

“Yelena! What the hell did I say?! You literally threw her,” Natasha yells.

“No, no. I’m good,” I say weakly.

“Well, I wasn’t expecting her to be so...defenseless.”

“I am not defenseless,” I counter.

“You cannot even throw a punch,” the blonde deadpans.

“That doesn’t make her defenseless,” Nat says as she helps me to my feet. “She could take every single one of you out right now without even moving.” 

From a few feet away, Melina quirks an eyebrow and Alexei mumbles “she could not take me out.”

“You are delusional, Natasha. How are we supposed to trust this woman to protect you when she cannot even protect herself?” 

“She can protect both of us just fine, Yelena. Not that I need anyone’s protection.”

“Your sister has a point,” Melina tells Nat. “Sorry, Y/N,” she adds. I open my mouth to speak, but don’t even know what to say. This is my worst nightmare.

“You must be able to punch when you are in trouble! Much like I did to Captain America back in the day,” Alexei adds.

“Alright, enough. I’ll have you know that Y/N is one of the most powerful Avengers. Actually, she’s a literal goddess,” Natasha snaps.

“Well, of course you would think so. You are her girlfriend,” Melina says.

“Guys, I’m being serious!”

“Do not get snappy with us. We are just looking out for you,” Alexei says.

“I don’t need-”

“Somebody has to be there to keep you safe, and this girl could not bring harm to a plant,” Melina remarks. 

“I’m literally standing right here,” I mumble under my breath.

“She literally saved my life! How is that not keeping me safe?!” My eyes widen; what happened to not revealing that tidbit of information?

“What do you mean? You saved her life?” Yelena asks as she turns to address me.

“If it wasn’t for her, I would be dead right now. And you guys never would’ve come back,” Natasha retorts, clenching her jaw.

“What? Why? What happened,” Yelena rambles. I can see the worry etched on her face, and it makes her look oddly childlike. It almost makes me want to pull her into a hug, but I’m fairly certain she’d throat punch me if I tried.

“On a planet called Vormir. A life needed to be sacrificed to get one of the Infinity Stones. It was me, Clint, or Y/N. I tried, but Y/N stopped me. That’s what I mean.” Natasha is seething. She clearly didn’t appreciate her family’s doubts.

“You tried to kill yourself?” Yelena addresses Natasha, but no one has the chance to answer her before Melina speaks up.

“If you sacrificed yourself, then how are you here?”

“It’s complicated,” I say with hesitance. “I am technically a goddess. I have many different powers, but most of them deal with death. When I died, I went to the Underworld, where I met my mother, Hecate, who is a goddess. Then, I came back. Resurrection is one of my powers. I know it’s a lot to take in, but that’s the truth.”

It’s silent for a minute as everyone processes my words. Everyone is staring at me with bewilderment, except for Yelena, who hasn’t taken her eyes off of her sister. Her eyebrows are furrowed, and a deep frown rests upon her lips.

“You tried to kill yourself?” Yelena repeats, this time only a whisper. Natasha finally turns to look at her younger sister and her mouth bobs open and closed, seemingly unsure of what to say.

“I didn’t have a choice, Yelena,” Natasha finally says.

“You saved her?” the blonde asks me.

I hesitantly nod my head. “Yes, I guess I did.”

“Thank you,” she whispers, giving a curt nod before turning and walking mechanically back into the house. I awkwardly clear my throat and turn my gaze to the ground.

“Will you show us?” I raise my head to look at Alexei, confusion crossing my features at his request. “Will you show us your powers, I mean.”

“Dad…” Natasha warns.

“No, it’s okay. I can show you a little bit,” I say, right before teleporting away. I watch from a hill in the distance as Alexei looks frantically around him. I can hear him asking where I went, which makes me laugh.

I teleport into the house and walk around, looking for Yelena. I walk into a bedroom and find her sitting on the floor with a bottle of vodka. “Hey, are you okay? We didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I’m fine. Because learning that your sister almost died and there was nothing you could’ve done to prevent it is so much fun,” she scoffs.

“I’m sorry. We probably could’ve broken the news a bit softer.” I sit on the ground next to her, leaving about a foot of space between us.

“It’s not your fault,” she murmurs. “I’m sorry for doubting you.”

“Don’t be. I am a horrible fighter,” I joke. She chuckles slightly, nodding in agreement.

“That you are. Can I see some of your magic, or whatever it is?” I hold out my hand and black mist dances above it with eerie elegance. I close my fist as it fades away, lowering my hand.

“Cool,” she says with a crooked smile. We hear the front door open and three sets of footsteps entering the house. I hear Nat calling my name.

“You okay?” I check one last time.

“I’m good. Thank you, Y/N, for saving my sister.”

“I’d do anything for her, Yelena. You don’t have to thank me for it.”

The bedroom door opens and Natasha’s head pokes in. “Y/N, we thought you’d completely left for a minute. Everything okay in here?”

Yelena and I look at each other and I look back to Natasha, overwhelmed with love for the redead. I smile and say, “Yeah, everything is just fine.”

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #Black Widow #black widow x reader #natasha romanoff fic #natasha romanoff fluff #natasha x reader #yelena belova

[pagesoflauren]

The Riveter Ch. 5

Steve Rogers x mechanic!reader

Summary: After escaping Hydra, you assist Dr. Erskine in helping Steve Rogers become Captain America. When Erskine is assassinated, you think your WWII career is over. Unfortunately, the SSR and Hydra are not done with you yet.

Warnings: swearing, angst, mentions of death, mention and use of firearms, canon-typical violence, mentions of trauma, slow burn, dialogue-heavy chapters, comic book science

A/N: I hope you enjoy this. I had fun writing it!  Thank you to @eightcevanscentral​ for helping me with this! Major shoutout to @writeyourmindaway for creating such wonderful and beautiful dividers!

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Carrying four beer steins in his hands, Steve brings them to the bartender.

“Another round,” he requests, shaking his head.

“Where they putting all this stuff, eh?” The bartender’s bewildered question comes with a shake of his head, but he still gathers the glasses to fill them up again.

Steve smiles before navigating through the doorway to find Bucky at another counter, sipping from a bottle. Having observed the interaction between his friend and the group of men, the sergeant already knows how the conversation went.

“I told you, they’re all idiots.”

Laughing, Steve settles on a barstool next to his best friend.

“How about you? You ready to follow Captain America into the jaws of death?”

The brunet shakes his head, “Hell no. That little guy from Brooklyn who was too stupid to run away from a fight. I’m following him.”

Before Steve can answer, he hears the men’s singing fade and the piano player slowing down; something seems to have captured their attention.

Peggy appears in the doorway, red dress capturing everyone’s attention in the dim light and plain walls of the bar. Her lips match the color perfectly; she looks beautiful, but Steve isn’t looking at her.

He almost doesn’t recognize you without your hair tied up or in a mess held back by a bandanna. It’s perfectly styled, curls carefully pinned back and perfect ringlets resting on your shoulders.

Your dress is white, the hem of the skirt landing just beneath your knee and fanning out to flatter your figure. There’s a lace overlay that ends with scalloped trim at the bottom, while on your upper arms, it provides a thin cover.

Steve’s hands tingle, fingers screaming out to reach for you and just feel the lace against your skin but he holds fists to prevent something impulsive.

He’s had to do that often with you. He visited you in the infirmary every chance he got, bringing you breakfasts or suppers and a stack of books from the library. In all honesty, he doted on you, never letting you lift a finger to even tuck your hair behind your ear.

It took you a while to get used to; he remembers the strange look you gave him when he first did it. Eventually, you just smiled whenever it happened.

This is the first time he’s seen you out of the infirmary and without the blue coveralls you usually wear.

With your arm hooked with Peggy’s, you approach him and Bucky. Both men stand at attention and Peggy addresses them.

“Ma’am,” Bucky acknowledges in return.

When Steve doesn’t say anything, he gets an elbow to his bicep.

“Oh, I--Agent Carter.” He exhales before he addresses you.

“Hi Steve.”

“Steven,” Peggy captures his attention again, “Howard has some equipment he’d like you to try. Tomorrow morning?”

“Sounds good,” he nods, eyes flickering back to you, but you’re fiddling with your dress.

The music resumes along with the singing, catching everyone’s attention as they look towards the noise.

“I see your top squad is preparing.”

“You don’t like music?” Bucky quips, turning on the usual charm Steve is used to witnessing.

“I do, actually.”

“Well, lucky for you, so does Steve,” he says, placing his hands on the blond’s shoulders. “You two should have a dance.”

“Bucky--” Steve is sent into a brief panic, but Peggy insists.

“Nothing wrong with a friendly dance, hm?” she smiles.

“Well, I guess...I guess not,” he shrugs.

Unhooking her arm from yours, you stand next to Bucky as she leads him to an open space in the back of the bar.

“Ma’am,” Bucky nods to you then gestures to the stool next to him.

“You don’t want to dance?”

He waves his hand dismissively, “Ah, no. It’d be rude to Steve; I can dance circles around him.”

You nod with a laugh and approach the stool, accepting Bucky’s help when he offers you a hand to steady yourself as you climb onto the seat. Once seated, you fiddle with your skirt again, trying to get it to lay nicely on your lap and folding your hands. You watch Peggy teach Steve where to place his hands and which foot to step with first.

“Does Steve--?”

“No,” the brunet laughs, swigging his beer. “I thought it’d be good entertainment, though.”

“That’s quite cruel,” you tease, observing Steve make a wrong turn, leading to their arms tangling. You can’t help but snicker next to Bucky. “But you’re right.”

He agrees before you lapse into silence, just watching. You purse your lips as the slightest bit of envy settles in your heart. You do your best to keep your thoughts on your friendship with Peggy, knowing that she’s more than aware of your feelings for Steve. She’d never hurt you emotionally; though, physically is a different story, especially if she’s training you.

“Can I get you a drink?” Bucky offers, “Something to celebrate both of us surviving Hydra captivity.”

The urge to smile is strange, probably something akin to the rush of feeling alive and relieved you’re not in their control right now.

You take him up on the offer and provide him with an order.

“I’m on it,” he winks, hopping off his stool and disappearing through the doorway.

He returns less than a minute later with a brown bottle, handing it to you. Right after you take it from him, he picks up his bottle and clinks it against yours. You smile as you bring it to your lips and sip.

The beer has a light taste, no bitterness to make your face scrunch up.

“How’d you know about that beer?” he wonders.

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve never heard of it before, and I’ve been in Europe for a while now.”

You smile sadly to yourself, unable to stop the emotion from rising in your throat. “Dr. Erskine showed it to me.”

He’s silent for a moment. “What was he like?”

“Oh, goodness,” you sigh. You tell him nearly everything, sipping as you go to wash down the pain you feel at the loss of him. The wound is still fresh and you’ve barely had time to mourn, much like everybody who’s fighting in the war.

“Sounds like you two were pretty close,” he observes.

“He was all I had for a while. The two of us just trying to survive.”

“Reminds me of someone else.” Bucky accompanies his comment with a nod towards Steve as he clumsily follows Peggy’s lead.

You ask for clarification, eyes never leaving the man in question. “He’s been on his own since he was eighteen. Dad was pretty absent, abusive. Died of influenza. Then his mom worked as a nurse in the TB ward at a hospital.” He pauses and you look at him, seeing how he bows his head slightly. It’s almost like he’s mourning her too. “You can imagine what happened.”

You blink and exhale slowly. “Sounds like she was a good woman.”

“She loves him more than life itself. She worked hard. Before they buried her, Steve took off the necklace she wore. It’s a little dainty, not meant for a man but he refuses to take it off. I’d say it’s one of the last things he has of who he was before this.”

You scoff, turning your attention back to the bottle. Taking two sips, you swallow before you look back at Bucky. “He’s still the same person.”

“What makes you say that?” Bucky nudges you. “S’not like you were his best friend.”

You laugh, looking at him as he waggles his eyebrows. “I mean the serum doesn’t change the person. Dr. Erskine liked to say it just enhanced everything inside. ‘Good becomes great. Bad becomes worse.’ Look,” you point to him as he continues to struggle. “Still a bad dancer.”

Bucky tilts his head. “Eh, I’d say he’s a little more coordinated.”

You shoot him a look. “Okay, not by much. Just the tiny bit,” he pinches his fingers together to show you.

You lift your bottle in a toast, “I’ll drink to that.”

Another stretch of silence as you both drink, then he speaks again. “Hey...if you were working with Erskine on Hydra experiments...I just--well. I’m wondering…”

“What?” you ask, setting your near-empty bottle down.

“That little guy...Zola. He did something to me.”

“I never worked with Zola--”

“I know, but, you must have had some idea.”

Looking at your face, Bucky can see a sliver of knowledge flash across your eyes.

“Schmidt knows there are people who will resist Hydra, even his own followers will one day say he’s going too far.” You gulp. “I don’t know all of it. He said something about...obedient people. People who will comply with every command, no matter the cost. Turning people into cold, mindless followers. He wanted Erskine to do something like that with the serum, but he needed it to work first.”

You look over at him as he takes in your information, but you can’t really read his expression. “But, you’re here. So you shouldn’t have anything to worry about.”

Your reassurance is brittle, but it seems to snap him out of that thoughtful haze he’s in.

“Guess you’re right.” He gestures for you to pick up your bottle and clinks his against it once more. You both chug the remaining liquid before slamming the empty vessels on the bartop in unison. “Cheers to the hope I never get poked or prodded by those bastards again.”

“You and me both, sergeant.”

Bucky looks at you, brows furrowed as he replays your comment in his head. “You and me both”?

“What did you say?”

“Hmm?��

He repeats it for you, catching the slightest movement of your eyes growing bigger.

“Oh, I-I meant I also...hope you don’t, you know, get poked and prodded by them again.”

He opens his mouth to speak, but Peggy interrupts him.

“Well, we have a long day tomorrow. 0800 hours, Captain. Don’t be late.”

“I won’t,” Steve says, dopey smile across his face. He makes it a point to say goodnight to you, voice low and soft and eyes trailing after your figure as Peggy holds your hand as the two of you leave the bar.

Bucky’s gaze follows too, eyes still suspicious. Steve punches him in the arm, causing his train of thought to come to a screeching halt.

“Thanks for that,” Steve remarks sarcastically.

Laughing, the brunet sits back. “Oh come on, look on the bright side, man. You finally got a dance with a pretty girl. And if things don’t work out with her, you’ll be able to take the next girl dancing.”

“You’re lucky Agent Carter is a patient woman. I stepped on her feet about a dozen times.”

“What, so no second dance?”

“Maybe not with her.”

Bucky regards his friend for a moment. “She mentioned she was close to the guy in charge of”--he gestures to Steve’s overall physique--”all this.”

He agrees absentmindedly. “Yeah, he thought of her as a daughter, she thought of him as a father figure. They were both responsible for picking the first guy to go through Project Rebirth and...well, Erskine told me it was a mutual decision between the two of them to pick me.”

“You don’t think that was them trying to set the operation up for failure?”

Steve throws a hard gaze at Bucky, taking clear offense to the remark.

“What the hell are you trying to say?”

Bucky shrugs. “Look, you know I know you’re tougher than anyone in Brooklyn; I’ve gotten you out of enough fights to prove that point. I’m just saying there’s something strange about that girl.”

“What do you mean?”

He recounts his conversation with you, then points out the most peculiar thing you said. “Then she said, ‘You and me both.’”

“I’m not following, what’s so concerning about that?”

“Steve, come on. You’re smarter than this,” the brunet scoffs. “You know what I’m getting at.”

“Come on, Buck, you can’t seriously--”

“I’m not saying that specifically, I’m saying it’s still a possibility. You know Hydra can do all sorts of things to mess with people. Their ex-scientist and his assistant--”

“She’s not his assistant.”

“Whatever--point is, they were able to change your body. And now you have knowledge of combat and strategy too? You can’t get drunk?” Bucky knows he’s making his point but he decides to drive it home. “If they can change your body and your mind, imagine what they did to her when she was captured by them. Hell, I wasn’t all there when you found me, remember?”

Steve looks thoughtful for a moment, appearing to recall the moment he found Bucky. He was laying flat on his back, mindlessly reciting information.

Not all there.

“Why would she still work for them when they’ve killed everyone she considers family?”

Bucky huffs and rolls his eyes. You were right; his friend had a different look, but was still the same stubborn jackass. “Just because you have a crush on her doesn’t mean she can’t work for them.”

He watches Steve’s jaw clench, hears the quiet huff of air escaping from his nose.

“Look, just be careful, man. Be careful what you say around her. I’d even be wary of the stuff she gives you tomorrow.”

“How are you feeling?”

You roll your eyes.

One day back at work, barely even starting your first day in your new intelligence/engineering position and Peggy’s been fretting over you all throughout.

“Well, haven’t burnt off a finger yet,” you quip, tilting your head to nod towards the welding tool you had used earlier. The newest prototype you had created was done, now all you had to do was carry it to the table with the other shields for Steve to examine.

The skip in your chest doesn’t go unnoticed when his name appears in your mind.

You seem to still as well, prompted back into action after Peggy playfully pinches your arm. You bat her hand away.

“He’s not that bad a dancer.”

“Don’t lie, Margaret,” you scold her jokingly. “I saw him. He stepped on your feet.”

“He got the hang of it eventually,” she shrugs. “I doubt his dancing skills are going to really affect your feelings towards him.”

Your head snaps up. It’s the first time she’s explicitly mentioned it.

“Oh, please. Neither of you are very subtle about it. I saw the way he looked at you last night. And I saw the way you two just sat with each other in the infirmary. The amount of times I’ve gone down there to find him already sitting with you…” She shakes her head, a soft smile pulling at her lips. “The amount of times I heard you laughing because of him. And I mean actually laugh because of his terrible jokes.”

You smile, recalling the time he made milk squirt out of your nose.

“I brought you A Tale of Two Cities.”

“I love this one,” you gush, taking the book from him with a grin. “How’d you know?”

“Lucky guess,” he shrugs. “Hey, did you hear Dickens only kept two things on his spice rack?”

You tilt your head curiously, picking up the glass of milk leftover from your dinner and bringing it to your lips.

“He only kept the best of thymes and the worst of thymes.”

You snort, but you can’t help yourself. You laugh and laugh and laugh, milk sputtering from your lips and dripping from your nose. You complain about the discomfort but can’t stop laughing as Steve laughs too, trying to find something for you to clean up with.

He apologizes through chuckles, handing you napkins and wiping your hands.

“It’s okay,” you sigh, feeling your laughter beginning to die down. You sit back and take deep breaths, cheeks and abdomen hurting. “That was a bad joke.”

“Can’t be all that bad if it made you laugh that hard.”

“Don’t get so cocky, Captain. I laughed because of the mess I ended up making,” you quip, looking down at your hospital gown. Some remnants of giggles bubble from your throat. “Why is it that whenever you’re here, I end up a mess?”

“I don’t know, maybe I should stop visiting.” Steve gets up, gathering the soiled napkins in a fist.

Your laughter dies quickly, head tilting up to look at him. “I…” You begin to speak, stopping when he turns back, blue eyes meeting yours. “I hope you don’t...or, I hope you keep visiting. God knows Peggy and Howard are so busy they never come down here.”

Tossing the napkins in the garbage can, he smiles as he returns to his seat.

“You know I’ll be here, then.”

“Seen it too, little miss,” Howard calls. “I walked down there and saw Peggy just watching you two. I would’ve walked in but she told me not to.”

“They needed to bond, I wasn’t going to let you ruin--”

“What makes you so certain I would’ve ruined it?” he asks defensively. “If anything I would’ve been a wingman...Lord knows Captain Rogers needs one of those.”

You smile and look down, bashful at how they tease you.

The clock hand clicks as the minute hand settles over the twelve, the hour hand pointing to the eight.

“I’ll go fetch him,” Peggy says. “Try not to swoon when he comes in,” she whispers.

She steps out of your reach before you can smack her arm. Smiling, she exits the workroom and struts across the office, heading to Private Lorraine’s desk where Steve should be waiting.

Peering around the bookshelf, she inhales, her chest inflating with hot air as she puts her hands on her hips. Her jaw clenches at the sight of Steve’s hands on the blonde’s waist, her arms slowly snaking around his neck.

At that point, she’s had enough of seeing the man whom she knows you harbor feelings for (and he for you) kissing another woman.

“Captain!”

They both jump, detaching from one another. Lorraine folds her hands and looks away, acting as if nothing happened.

“We’re ready for you if you’re not otherwise occupied,” she snaps, beginning to walk away.

Steve follows a few steps behind her. “Agent Carter, wait. That’s not what you think it was.”

“I don’t think anything, Captain. Not one thing. Besides, I’m the last person you should worry about next to our dear mechanic.”

She’s telling the truth. She could care less what Steve does. She cares more about whether or not his actions hurt you.

“Mechanic--wait,” Steve stops, brows furrowing. “Why would she care?”

Turning around, hands on her hips, the agent throws him a look that says “Really?”

His expression doesn’t change, face still showing clear confusion.

Rolling her eyes, Peggy turns back. “You still don’t know a bloody thing about women.”

After opening the door, Peggy disappears to another part of the room while Howard greets him at the door.

“Come on, Cap. There’s a lot to show you. For your uniform, the little miss still refuses to indulge your suit, but we can change it according to any ideas you may have.”

Steve is shown a sketch of a black uniform, different components such as suspenders and a utility belt highlighted and circled with additional notes.

“That’ll be made of carbon polymer.”

“That should withstand your average German bayonet,” you speak up, and Steve perks up at the sound of your voice. Turning to look at you, you’re back in your usual garb, red bandanna keeping your hair pulled back. He can see the slight remnants of the curls from the previous night still there. It’s a slightly more feminine look for you and Steve smiles at the thought that he likes you either way. “But based on what we saw in the factory, I don’t think Hydra will come at you with a pocket knife. So,” you walk to another table, the men following you. “You seemed pretty attached,” you remark as you tap on the shield he brought with him on his self-appointed mission to save Bucky and the 107th.

“It’s handier than you might think--”

“Trust me, Captain, I know,” you smile. “Howard and I took the liberty of coming up with a few options.”

At the mention of his name, the engineer speaks up, pointing out his favorite one. Steve half-listens, scanning over every model before one on the lower shelf catches his eye. It’s circular, made of shiny new metal.

“What about this one?” he questions, bending down to retrieve it.

“No, no, that’s just a prototype,” Howard says mindlessly as Steve tests the weight of it. It feels like nothing.

“What’s it made of?”

“Vibranium. It’s stronger than steel and a third of the weight. It’s completely vibration absorbent.”

“How come it’s not standard issue?”

“That’s the rarest metal on Earth,” you inform him.

Howard agrees, mentioning that it’s the entire supply the SSR has.

Steve loops his arms through the straps, holding it in front of himself in the same manner he would on the battlefield.

“How does it look?” he asks you.

You smile. “It looks like that’s your shield.”

You hear the click of Peggy’s heels as she approaches. “You quite finished over here? I’m sure the Captain has some unfinished business.”

Your eyes squint in confusion, looking at Steve’s face as it shifts to resemble a kid who got caught with their hand in the cookie jar. Before you can ask what she means, Steve turns to her, showing it off.

“What do you think, Agent Carter?”

You look at her, taking in the unimpressed look on her face. She turns to the table next to her, picking up a handgun and pointing it at Steve.

You and Howard duck as she fires four shots, the sound echoing in the underground chamber. Everyone stops and Peggy nonchalantly lowers her weapon. You straighten up, looking around to assess the damage, but find the bullets at Steve’s feet, having not ricocheted in the slightest.

He lowers the shield slowly.

“Yes, I think it works,” she remarks calmly, her voice dripping with sarcasm. Replacing her weapon on the table, she walks toward Steve and slows as she comes in front of him, throwing him a stern look.

You look at Howard before the both of you shrug. Looking at Steve, his face doesn’t reveal anything. After contemplating what to do as you bite your cheek, you decide to go after her.

You find her at her desk, casually sorting through paperwork as if she didn’t just shoot at a man out of anger.

Standing with your weight on one foot, you cross your arms. “You gonna tell me what happened back there?”

She closes the file in her hands and turns back to you with a resigned expression. “I might have lost my cool for a second.”

“I’d say you lost a little more than just your cool; I don’t think Phillips is going to be happy if he catches wind of what happened.”

She sighs, red lips pouting slightly as she gestures for you to come closer. The office doesn’t provide a lot of privacy, but shelves of files, binders, and books can sometimes come in handy when sensitive information needs to be said aloud.

“I’m angry with Captain Rogers...mostly on your behalf.”

Your face scrunches in confusion. “Why would you have to be mad at him for me?”

“Pegs, what in the hell was that?!” Howard asks as he approaches the two of you.

“Maybe you should repeat your question a little louder, Howard, I don’t think they quite heard you up in the war room,” she quips back sarcastically.

Taking the hint and noticing the curious, nosy stares of other agents in the office, Howard lowers his voice, though his tone does not become any gentler, “You can’t just shoot at Captain Rogers like that!”

“She’s apparently about to explain,” you interject, finally sparing your engineering partner a glance. “Something about ‘being mad on my behalf’--”

“I saw him kissing Private Lorraine.”

You turn back to face the agent, arms slowly unfolding as your hands come to land at your sides. You take a slow breath, feeling embarrassment settle in your chest as you understand the information.

You had misunderstood, as had Peggy and Howard.

“...Guess that super soldier serum couldn’t make him keen to a woman dropping hints,” Howard jokes, but it falls flatly as you continue to deflate. “Well, Peggy seemed to have the right idea. Maybe we can replace his shield with something that’s a little weaker. I’m sure a bullet to the gut would bring him to his senses.”

“Shut up, Howard.”

“Oh, come on, little miss! He’d be a fool to not--”

“Just drop it,” you snap. “Captain Rogers can do whatever and whomever he wants.” You huff, hot air streaming from your nostrils. They both reach for you but you dodge them. “I need to go fix something.”

Turning on your heel, you don’t go to the weapons room. Instead, you go upstairs to the garage.

Looking into his glass, Steve isn’t in much of a drinking mood.

All he’s thinking about is what Peggy said, wondering why she thought to mention you of all people after she caught him kissing Private Lorraine.

“You don’t seem to be celebrating much at a birthday party.”

Looking to his left, he finds Howard.

“It’s not like I can get drunk anyway,” Steve replies, turning away from his half full glass.

Howard orders for himself before taking the same stance as the Captain: back to the bar, leaning against the counter with a clear view of the action. Men are dancing, singing and conversing, the birthday celebrant lost somewhere in the crowd.

“Where’s Peggy?”

“Asleep.”

Steve asks for you next.

“She’s still in the weapons room.”

“What’s she doing down there?”

“She’s working on your shield. Trying to paint it.”

“You didn’t invite her to come?”

“Of course I did. She mentioned something about wanting to be alone.”

Biting the inside of his cheek, Steve reaches back and downs his drink, thinking maybe the taste of it will somehow give him courage. He slams the glass down before making his way to exit the bar.

Finding his way into the SSR base, he navigates around the dimly lit and empty corridors, which are normally bustling with agents and soldiers. He hears the echo of his footsteps as he walks, palms beginning to get clammy as he approaches his destination.

He exhales shakily as he stands in front of the door.

“Okay, Rogers, come on,” he gives himself a pep talk.

Turning the knob on the metal door, he opens it slowly so as not to disturb you if you’re still down here.

The lights are on, and Steve can hear music coming from a record player. You’re at a table with a desk lamp shined on the shield, still in your coveralls, hair now tied up as you bend over to get a close look. He makes note of the open paint cans and a messy airbrush littering your workspace. You groan, throwing a paintbrush that clatters against the table then the floor.

“Everything okay?”

You jump, turning around. When you see him, you seem to deflate. “Everything’s fine.” You go around the table to retrieve the brush on the floor then resume your position leaning over the shield. After dipping the head into red paint, you bring it to the shield, dabbing the colored liquid onto the metal.

Your short answer is tense, making the air in the room slightly stale. Despite the music playing, Steve feels uncomfortable with your answer. He knows the two of you can talk for hours; his time visiting you in the infirmary is perfect proof of that. “Howard said you were down here, so I came to find you. You’re missing the party.”

You hum curtly in reply.

Still not a favorable answer. “Couldn’t you save that for another day and come up?”

Silence.

“I…” He purses his lips, trying to salvage this. “It’s pretty crazy what happened earlier, with Agent Carter and the bullets, isn’t it?”

More silence.

“You talked to her afterwards, right? Is she mad at me?” He gives you a few seconds, but no reply comes. “Are you mad at me?”

“God, Steve, can’t you tell I don’t want to talk to you?” you bite, looking up from your work. “Just go back to the stupid party. Isn’t Lorraine there?” When he doesn’t reply, you shake your head. “Just leave me alone; I’m trying to paint your stupid shield, but the goddamn bullet marks from Peggy’s gun are making it damn near impossible to cover the whole thing.”

Your frustration is clear in your voice. Daring to step closer, Steve stands on the other side of the table to get a better look at the shield.

“It doesn’t look bad,” he comments. You scoff. “No, I’m serious! I think it looks great!” When you don’t reply, he speaks again. “Why do you care about Private Lorraine being there?”

“Doesn’t matter,” you say quickly.

“You sure?”

Steve rounds the table and stands next to you, though you refuse to look at him. “I’m sure.”

“Doesn’t look like it.” More silence from you.

“Didn’t Howard at least have the decency to say I wanted to be alone when he told you where I am?” you cut him off. He begins to speak and you groan. “God, Steve, just...please go away.”

You begin to angrily put the lids onto the paint cans before stuffing them into the box. You violently unplug the airbrush and place it where it belongs.

“Why are you so mad?”

You huff, not answering him.

He says your name to try and capture your attention. You ignore him again. He calls for you again. “Please, I--Peggy’s mad at me and you’re mad at me, I don’t understand. What did I do wrong?”

He begins to say your name once more and you can’t take it, deciding to throw caution to the wind because you can’t bear staying silent while he continues to implore you for a reason. Slamming your palms on the table, you turn to him, grabbing at his lapels and pressing your lips to his.

To say Steve is stunned would be an understatement. He’s completely still, eyes wide and cheeks flushed. You pull away as quickly as you kissed him, stepping back with your face still showing your anger as you look up at him.

“Is that a good enough explanation?” you ask rhetorically as you retract your hands, knowing full well that he’s gotten the message loud and clear.

You’re about to turn away and make an escape out of embarrassment when his hands cup your face and he kisses you again. Your knees buckle and you grab at the lapels of his shirt again to keep yourself up.

When he parts from you, you’re both breathing heavily.

“I,” he begins, still panting, “I’m sorry about Lorraine.”

“Steve, do me a favor.”

“Anything.”

“Never mention her ever again.”

You don’t give him a chance to reply, pulling him down to you by his tie and kissing him again. He makes it a point to kiss you with meaning, bringing his hands to wrap around your waist and hold you to him. He couldn’t count how many times he had wanted to do this before, but didn’t know how.

You break from him, hands smoothing up his shoulders and entwining behind his neck to keep him close.

“You know,” he says quietly, even if it’s just the two of you in the room. “If we were in New York, I wouldn’t have been able to do this. I’d still be that tiny kid from Brooklyn and--”

“Bold of you to assume it’s not the kid from Brooklyn that I like,” you interrupt.

Steve laughs and looks down. “I would’ve made Bucky go on a double date with me...I probably wouldn’t have even been the one to ask you out, you would’ve had to do that.” He looks up, remembering his time before he was a soldier, before he met you. “Bucky would’ve planned it all out. We would’ve brought you and his date to Coney Island, then we would’ve gone dancing.”

“You can’t dance, though,” you tease.

“You’re not wrong.” He smiles, ears detecting the music once again. “But I can sway and move in a circle at the same time, if that counts as dancing.”

Shifting his weight from one foot to another, he takes you with him and you laugh, laying your head on his shoulder. You smile, lips spreading against the fabric of his dress greens.

“I think it counts,” you whisper.

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[broadstbroskis]

the wedding date | morgan rielly

a/n: well first things first, i’m gonna give a shoutout to myself, because i started this fucking thing back in august and it’s finally completed (that’s right, it took me 7 months to write just under 5k, shhh, it finally came together). 

anyway, since i started this back in august, you can tell i’ve had this idea for a while. it’s morphed and changed a bit but the basic premise has stayed the same- you go home with morgan for a wedding and everyone thinks that you’re the girl he’s been dating for the last few years- so i hope you all enjoy! (also i’m sorry i suck at titles but like i’m not)

a special shoutout to these lovely people who have listened to me whine about this at any point over the last SEVEN MONTHS and some fellow mo lovers because you’re all amazing and i love you, @denis-scorianov, @brockadoodles, @danglesnipecelly, @laurenairay, @hockeyboysiguess

-----

When Morgan approaches you, with what you’ll later learn is only his first attempt to ask you something, you don’t even give him the chance, really. “Hey, what are you doing this summer?”

“Not you.” You quip back, grinning cheekily, ignoring the barks of laughter from Matthews and Marner beside him.

“Haha.” Morgan deadpans, but it’s busy that night at the bar, Saturday night after a Leafs win, and you’ve really got to get back to work now that you’ve finished serving them, so you’re already walking away from him.

The second time it happens is a Friday night, a few weeks later, when you’re out with some friends for the first time all semester. It’s late enough that you’re feeling just on the right side of tipsy, you’re drunk enough that you know you’re going to go home with the guy you shouldn’t, and you’re okay with both of those things. 

At least, tonight you are. Tomorrow morning will be a different story.

And then, Morgan stops you at the bar. “Hey.”

“Hey!” You grin back...and then it slowly fades as he just hems and haws. “What’s up?”

“I-” He blows out a frustrated groan.

Your eyebrows raise. You’ve known Morgan for years now, since his first season with Leafs had been right about when you started working at the bar for some extra cash after realizing just how expensive school was getting and grad school would be beyond that. You’re not sure you’ve ever seen him at such a loss for words. “Alright, well if you can’t think of it now, get back to me later, okay?”

“Wait-” He says, so you give him a minute or two, but there’s still nothing.

“Ok, I love you, but this is my one night out before my dissertation is due later this spring.” You tell him, reaching out for a hug. “You have my number and you know where to find me.”

“Ok.” Morgan smiles a little. “Have fun tonight.” And then you slink away from him, back in the direction of your friends, ready to let loose one last time before the craziness sets in.

The night that Morgan finally gets his question out is a quiet one in the middle of the week. He settles himself into the corner, doing his best to be discrete with a hat covering his face. By the time you and your coworker get everyone settled with drinks and you make your way over to him, he’s caught the attention of one older man, who immediately walks back to his girlfriend when you arrive at Morgan’s section of the bar.

“Well finally.” He’s free of all teammates, a rarity but not unheard of, especially this late in the season. “What’s a guy gotta do to get some service around here?”

“Oh sorry!” You tease. “Did I interrupt something here? Did you want me to call that guy back up so you guys could finish up?”

He flattens you with a look. “Don’t you dare.”

You giggle, leaning down against the bar in front of him. You know how much he loves the Toronto fanbase, but as playoffs approach, the fans are becoming more vocal and more forward with their thoughts. “You want another drink?”

He looks down at his glass, contemplates for a minute, and then nods, so you return quickly with a new beer for him and then smile as you watch him take a large gulp of it. “So what’s new?”

“Ehh loaded question.” He says cryptically. You give him a look. “But hey, you’re here on a Wednesday! You done with your...dissertation?” He trails off hesitantly, smiling at himself when you nod.

“Yup. I should know next week if I’m all clear.”

“And then?” He prompts.

“And then you can call me doctor, asshole.” You tease.

“I mean, Dr. Asshole isn’t what I would have gone with as my first choice, but if that’s what you want…”

“Morgan!” You laugh, ducking your head at the lame joke.

He’s grinning when you meet his eyes again, pleased as always that he could make someone laugh. “But seriously, that’s awesome! I’m excited for you.”

“Thanks.” You grin.

“What’s your next step then?”

“Umm I get to start researching infectious diseases for money.” You tell him excitedly, since you’d accepted a job with the University of Toronto’s medical research facilities. “But it doesn’t start until August.”

You’d expected Morgan to tease you about your excitement of infectious disease-something he and his teammates (among many other people you know) have done multiple times before-but instead, he perks up and says, “So you’d be free, on say, the weekend of July 8th?”

“Why?” You ask suspiciously. Experience has told you not to immediately say yes to this.

Morgan sighs. “Look. I need a date for a wedding back home that weekend.”

“And I’m the best you could come up with?”

“Best?” Morgan repeats. “You are funny, you’re pretty, you’re a doctor, all of which, frankly, puts you well out my league.”

“You’re not wrong.” You agree cheerfully, which puts the smile back on Morgan’s face, as you’d hoped. “But that doesn’t explain why you’d need a date to this wedding.”

The smile fades quickly and you wince. “I was supposed to go with Laura.”

You frown. “What happened to Laura?” Last you’d heard, the two of them were solid. Really solid. Headed for a wedding themselves, solid.

“She wasn’t who I thought she was.” He says flatly.

You wince. “I’m sorry, Mo.”

He shrugs. “It’s over and done with now.” You send him a reassuring smile. “So will you come?”

Well, there’s really no way you can say no now and not feel like an asshole. “Sure.”

The grin returns to his face. “Knew you’d come through for me.”

-----

Morgan rolls up to the airport in Vancouver to pick you up in a very fancy looking Jeep, a far cry from the sporty Porsche he drives in Toronto, and you call him out on it immediately. “I see how it is. You go home and you’re a fancy country boy, not a fancy city boy?”

He laughs. “Fuck off.”

“Gladly.” You tell him, grinning teasingly. “Drop me off at departures, will ya?”

His tone immediately turns serious. “Thank you. Seriously. Thanks for coming.”

Your smile remains on your face, still beaming over at him. “It was nothing, Mo.” It wasn’t, really, and you both know it. You’d quit your bar job a couple weeks early because of this, but you were happy to do this for him. He’d been down about Laura, down about being bounced from the playoffs again. This spring had been rough on him and you were more than happy to do your part to cheer up one of your closest friends.

Morgan hmms, in a way like he’s pretending to be casual about it, but he changes the subject as he switches lanes to pull onto the highway.

-----

Morgan has a whole itinerary for the next few days, prior to the wedding, but promises he’ll take you around to some of his favorite spots before you leave late next week. A quiet night tonight, dinner with his parents and brother tomorrow, and then the wedding stuff began the following day.

Much like his fancy Jeep, his fancy house in Vancouver is also nothing like the condo he owns in Toronto. You wouldn’t go so far as to say that his condo is...edgy, but it’s pretty modern? The house here in Vancouver is larger, sure, but reminds you a lot of the house you grew up in...or well, a larger and fancier version of it.

“Gonna give me a tour?” You turn to Morgan, who’s standing next to you almost awkwardly, as you look up at the beautiful house in front of you. Your bags are still in his hands, and you nudge his arm playfully, reaching for one, but he won’t let you grab it, smiling back at you as he starts to lead you in.

The inside is just as nice, and even though it’s clear that his mom and interior decorator have done a lot of work on it, there’s still a lot of Mo touches too. Each one makes you smile, the ones he points out in his tour and the ones that he doesn’t, until he finally leads you upstairs, dropping your things in one of the spare rooms. “Did I-“

“If the next words out of your mouth are say thank you, I’m walking out of this house.” You warn him.

“-ask what you want to do for dinner tonight?” Morgan finishes lamely and you laugh.

“That sushi place you always hype up?”

Morgan smiles. “Anything you want.” He says, and then, instead of the thank you that you know he wants to say, he pulls you in for a hug and squeezes tightly, before letting go. “Change and we’ll go?”

“Shower, change, and we’ll go.” You correct, dying to get the feel of airplane off you. “45 minutes.”

Morgan looks at you knowingly. “Sure, uh huh.” He says, nodding like he knows it’ll be much closer to an hour, an hour and fifteen, and you laugh, shoving at his shoulder before he makes you want to stretch it out to an hour and a half on purpose.

-----

Morgan’s parents might be the nicest people in the world, but they’re also a little...odd? Like, you’re not trying to be mean, because just like Morgan, they truly are the absolute sweetest, but, like, they just keep smiling at you with this knowing smile, like they know something that you don’t and it’s just...weird.

But they welcome you with open arms, when the two of you show up to dinner on your second night in town, hugging you just as tightly as they hug their own son, maybe even tighter than they hug the son who still lives in the same province as them. 

“We’re so excited to finally meet you!” Morgan’s mom gushes, once you get settled in their kitchen with a glass of wine, which at least explains the weirdness a little. “

“You guys too.” You admit. You’ve heard so much about them, his parents and brother, over the years of friendship with Morgan; it’s nice to finally put faces to names, to stories. “Thanks for having me tonight.” Next to you, Morgan nudges you, a grin on his face. You can practically hear him. Stop saying thank you, like you’ve been saying to him for the past day. 

“Oh stop!” She says, practically in time with his nudge. “Morgan tells us you’re a doctor now!” It’s said with pride, like you may as well be one of her own children who’s done something great.

“Yeah!” You smile, swirling the wine around a little, and then, because you don’t want there to be any confusion. “Not that kind of doctor; you should still call 911 if something happens.”

His dad laughs and his mom beams. “What kind of doctor then?” His dad asks, and you spend a while talking with his parents about epidemiology and your dissertation- his mom, it turns out, works in a similar field, and it isn’t long before the two of you are rolling your eyes about some research that just came out.

“What?” You ask Morgan, laughing, when your conversation breaks out, and she has to go check on dinner, at his dad’s request, before he burns it all entirely.

“I just forgot how excited you get about infectious diseases.”

“Can’t believe you’ve been out here this whole time knowing that your mom and I both exist and haven’t introduced us.” You announce. “The rudeness, the hearsay.”

“I don’t think that’s how that word’s used.” Morgan cackles.

“Oh, sorry, are you a doctor?”

“That doesn’t have anything to do with knowing how that word is used!��� He protests, laughing.

You ignore him. “If you even think of keeping her from me when they come to Toronto…”

He wraps his arm around your shoulders and squeezes. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

-----

“Are you ready yet?” Morgan calls, and you take one last look in the mirror on the wall, smoothing the pleats in your dress. “We’re going to be late!”

“But it’s gonna be worth it!” You sing-song as you descend the stairs to meet him in the living room.

“Is it ev-” He cuts off abruptly, eyes wide and swallowing visibly as he cuts off. “Wow, okay then.”

“Worth it.” You wink at him, brushing past him to grab your purse. 

Morgan’s laughing as he picks up his keys, this soft and gentle thing that you can’t help but smile at. “Yeah, I should’ve known it would be.”

“You’ll know better for tomorrow!” You tease, and breeze past him to get in the car.

The ride to his cousin’s rehearsal dinner isn’t far, spent mostly laughing as you keep switching the station from anything Morgan changes it back to. By the time you arrive at the restaurant, you’re both giggling as you enter, flagged down almost immediately by Morgan’s mom.

“Look at you two!” She gushes.

“Mom.” Morgan says dryly. “Come on.”

She smiles at him indulgently. “Make sure you say hi to your cousin.” 

“Yeah, of course.” Morgan nods, grabbing your hand to pull you away. “Just after we hit the bar.” He mutters and you giggle.

His cousin, the bride, and her husband-to-be seem to have the same idea, and it’s just as you’re turning away, wine glasses in hand, that you nearly run into them.

“Oh!” Ashley beams excitedly, once Morgan introduces you. “Hi!”

“Congratulations!” You return the excitement. She’s so bubbly and bright; it’s easy to do, even though you don’t know her. “You guys look so great tonight; you’re going blow us all away tomorrow.”

“She’s going to blow me away tomorrow.” Dylan jokes, but you can tell by the twinkle in his eye that he’s entirely serious.

“Oh stop.” Ashley knocks his arm. “And you too,” She gestures at you. “You look amazing! How’d you do your hair like that?”

“This?” She nods and you walk her through it quickly; it’s a look that’s so much more simple than it looks and she’s gasping by the time you’re done. 

“Ok, mhmm.” She nods. “I’m getting your number from Morgan later so you can go over that with me again because I’m definitely going to forget.”

Morgan flicks a piece of your hair. “It’s a hairstyle, what could you possibly forget?”

You and Ashley exchange a look. “I got you.” You reassure her as you both laugh at him.

“Men, honestly.” She shakes her head, as Morgan and Dylan protest, but then before you and Ashley can talk any more, she and Dylan are being called away, and there’s promises for you all to catch up tomorrow at the wedding.

“You can’t have her phone number unless you promise not to talk about me.” Morgan says.

“Fat chance.” You tell him. “But nice try.”

From there, you start making your way back to his parents, stopping off to chat quickly with relatives he recognizes (and once, ducking purposefully into a small crowd to avoid an aunt he doesn’t want to see). You feel like it shouldn’t be surprising how nice his family is, given how genuine Morgan is, but each person you meet welcomes you so warmly, with kind words and open arms. 

“You must talk about me a lot.” You tease, as you two start making your way to your table.

Morgan shrugs. “More than I’d realized apparently.” You cackle and he laughs; it’s familiar and easy, but then you’re easily distracted by the appetizers coming to the table and fighting Morgan for extra of your favorites-also familiar and easy.

-----

It’s another morning of Morgan waiting impatiently for you, being rewarded with his gaping jaw dropped, and teasing him the entire ride to the wedding, before he easily gets his revenge when you tear up at the ceremony.

“You don’t even know these people!” He nudges you forward toward his cousin in the reception line right after the ceremony. “And you’re going to cry like that?”

“It was a beautiful ceremony!” You defend. You’d been right yesterday; Ashley had easily blown everyone away from the moment she’d entered the room. Their vows were incredible; you didn’t understand how anyone wasn’t crying.

Morgan snickers, nudging you forward again. “God, what do you do at weddings you actually know the people at?” He pauses as you both step closer another, like the idea has just come to him. “Oh man, what are going to do at your own wedding?”

“Bawl my eyes out, obviously.” You say dryly. “Tell my future husband to bring tissues.” You move up, next in line for Ashley and Dylan. “You clearly didn’t get the message.”

“What’d you do?” Ashley pokes him; you guess whoever was in front of you was a guest she didn’t know all that well because they’ve moved along pretty quickly.

“Me? I’d never.” Morgan says innocently, ducking down to kiss her cheek.

“I’m just giving him a hard time.” You agree and she grins, shocking you when she pulls you in for a hug. 

“He probably deserves it.” She says cheerfully.

“Wow, I see family loyalty goes a long way here, huh.” Morgan deadpans.

Ashley gives him a look. “Not for much longer, I guess, though?” She nudges him.

“Oh I see how it is, you’ve been married for all of five minutes and suddenly Dylan’s family is better than ours?” Morgan teases.

Ashley blinks. “That is...not how I meant that at all.” She says, but before she can say anything else to you, the couple behind the two of you starts sighing impatiently, and you all realize how long you’ve been talking for. You quickly congratulate her and then move along to Dylan as well, before stepping out of line and moving towards the reception area.

The bridal party was quick to get the reception started after the ceremony, so when you and Morgan make your way over, there’s already a decent sized group chatting and drinking. You both grab drinks from the bar and make your way to a group of his cousins, chatting for a while and laughing along as they’re sure to include you in all of their jokes.

When it comes time to start making your way to your table for dinner, you excuse yourself to the bathroom quickly, running into Morgan’s grandmother when you’re there, who had the same idea as you it seems.

She lights up when she sees you fixing your hair in the mirror, stepping up to wash her hands. “It looks great.” She assures you and you smile, thanking her. “Are you having a good time?”

You nod, following her out so the two of you can make your way back to the reception. “Such a good time! Everyone’s been amazing and Ashley and Dylan are beautiful; it’s been a great weekend!”

“It’ll be great to be all be here again,” Morgan’s grandmother smiles at you and you return it politely. “Next summer.” She adds, like an afterthought, and you shrug. She’d know better than you what the upcoming engagements look like. You can barely remember the names of the people you’re seated with tonight.

“If Morgan brings me back then.” You throw her a finger gun and she laughs-loudly.

“Oh, you’re a trip!” She nudges you gently, laughing. “Such a doll. Let’s get another glass of wine together before we go back, shall we?”

“I will never say no to that.” You’re pretty sure you still have a couple minutes to spare before you need to sit down. 

His grandmother links arms with you. “My kinda gal.” She beams and her smile is contagious, just like Morgan’s is when he’s really happy, so it’s not hard to grin along with her as she tugs you along for another glass of rosé.

-----

The evening’s winding down- the wedding long over and the after party beginning to do so as well. Almost all of the older relatives have made their way home or to their hotel rooms but there’s a few sloppy cousins and friends still going hard (you’ve got some serious concerns how the one groomsman is even going to make it upstairs). Ashley and Dylan keep stealing glances at each other, like they’re wondering if it’s late enough for them to sneak away yet, but each time they look like they’re going to, someone calls for another toast.

Morgan nudges you. “Hey.” He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a couple cigars. “Outside with me?”

You think about it for a second. Usually, you love a good cigar-and you’re sure that Morgan’s managed to acquire a good one- but tonight? “Not really in the mood, but I’ll come out.”

He grins, a little crooked, and offers his hand to help you up from the couch the two of you have been sitting on. Outside, the weather is beautiful, one of those crystal clear nights with a light breeze where you feel like you could be outside for hours. He lights the cigar while you continue to sip at your wine, the two of you standing in comfortable silence, until the door opens again.

“Cigars without me?” His brother grumbles. “I see how it is now.”

“Yup, just left you behind on purpose.” Morgan says shamelessly, but he’s already pulling the spare out of his pocket and handing it over.

“Unsurprising.”

“Yeah?” Morgan asks, amusedly. “Why’s that?” 

His brother gives him a look, and then, when Morgan doesn’t react, looks over at you, but you just shrug. “Just promise you won’t forget about me once you pop the question.”

You choke on your drink; Morgan looks just as shocked, the cigar halfway to his mouth. “What?” He says finally.

For the first time, his brother looks unsure. “I think...we all just thought...once you brought her home, that was the only thing holding you back?”

“Oh my god.” Morgan says breathlessly.

“I’m not-” You add helplessly. “We’re not-”

“Oh.” His brother winces. “Wait, so you’re not…” He trails off and the silence between the three of you becomes so thick it’s almost palpable. You don’t know what to do, what to say. What he even means. “You’re not together?” He says finally, sounding like he’d rather be anywhere else, doing anything else.

You can relate. You shake your head slowly, notice Morgan’s doing the same out of the corner of your eye.

“Um.” His brother continues. “And-and you haven’t been-together?” Another head shake. “Wow. A lot of people are going to be very disappointed.”

“A lot of people?” Morgan repeats. “Who...who all thinks this?” But you don’t need an answer to know and apparently, he doesn’t either. The silence thickens somehow; you didn’t think it was possible. 

“Um.” His brother’s already backing away, even as he speaks. “I’m gonna go now. Before I say anything else to make this worse.”

He’s gone before you can tell him you’re not sure that’s possible, leaving you and Morgan in the loudest silence you’ve ever experienced. 

It’s abundantly clear Morgan feels it too, from the way he won’t even meet your eyes, will barely even look at you, actually. And there’s so much to say here, but well, “You never brought Laura to meet your family? Never let them meet her at home?” Apparently, they really weren’t as serious as you’d thought.

Morgan laughs hollowly, finally meeting your eyes. “That probably should have been a clue, huh?”

“A little bit of a red flag.” You agree. It’d been how many years? Morgan’s tight with his family, that much you knew before you’d come out here and only became clearer as you met them. “Why...why didn’t you ever introduce them?”

Morgan sighs. “I think-I always knew something wasn’t right. And I just didn’t want to admit it?” He sighs again. “I shouldn’t have brought you into this.”

“You didn’t know.” You tell him gently. “And I wanted to come.” You remind him. “I was happy to!” You pause for a second. “I was happy to come across the country to a wedding with you and your family with barely a second thought. So maybe we both need to re-examine what happened here this weekend.”

“Maybe we don’t.” Morgan says simply.

“What?” You frown, confused.

“You were happy to fly across the country for a wedding with me and my family.” Morgan repeats, with a small smile on his face. “And then you come here and meet my entire family, and they think I’m ready to propose to you, because you're the girl they hear me talk about all the time.” Your jaw drops-is he saying...what you think he’s saying-and his smile grows into a grin. “I think this thing between us has been more than either of us have been able to admit because we’ve had other things going on- school or hockey or-”

“Other girlfriends?” You supply teasingly, when he trails off, like he’s afraid to mention her name.

He nods. “There’ve been other boyfriends, too.” He nudges you, just as teasing.

“There have.” You admit, because it’s not a lie, but none of them have ever worked out, for a variety of reasons, but you can’t help but think, that now that he’s mentioning it, Morgan might have been a part of those other reasons.

He’s back to smiling again when he continues, leaning against you slightly. “I think we owe it to ourselves to see what we could be.”

You lean back against him. “You do, do you?”

“I do.�� He nods.

“Little early for that, don’t you think?” It takes a second for your joke to land, but once it does, he cracks up and it brings a smile to your face. 

“We are at a wedding.” He grins, nudging you playfully. “Who knows, maybe someday it’ll be ours?”

-----

a bit in the future

It’s one of those beautiful sunny days where the sun is shining with a light breeze where you feel like you could be outside for hours. 

Unfortunately, you’ve got a huge project due at the end of the week, so while Morgan’s been enjoying the lake all day, you’ve been sitting at a table on the dock, staring at your laptop, tapping away at your keyboard, and ignoring his increasingly annoying calls for attention.

It’s harder to ignore when he comes up next to you, wrapping his wet arms around your shoulders. “Morgan.” You try to shake him off. “Come on, gimme like ten minutes and then I’ll come in.”

“Promise?” He asks.

“Yes.” You say because if you can get this one last thing done you’ll be ahead of your goal for the day.

It works; Morgan sits down next to you quietly, scrolling through his phone for a bit, and then, jumps up and runs inside the cabin, and you jump on the opportunity of quiet to get ahead even further, losing yourself in your next bit of project.

“Hey,” Morgan says casually, and it scares you a bit, his return far quieter than he’s been all day. “What are you doing the weekend of July 8th?”

“I don’t know, that’s like a year away!.” You snap, turning to tell him to stop annoying you, only for your jaw to drop when you see him down on one knee.

“Want to get married then?” He says, a twinkle in his eye and a grin on his face, like he’s been waiting for this reaction, like it was everything and more.

“Oh my god! Are you serious?” He slips his hand into his pocket and pulls out a ring; you gasp. “Morgan!”

“Will you marry me?”

“Yes, oh my god, yes!” Your computer long forgotten in the face of an engagement ring, you throw yourself at Morgan, who catches you easily, like he was prepared for this. He probably was. He knows you better than anyone; he’s your best friend and so much more. He barely manages to slip the ring on your finger before you’re kissing him. “I love you!”

“I love you, too.” He grins. “Are you sure you’re ready to take this jump with me?”

“Of course!” You beam, but it hits you just a minute too late. He’s already jumping in the water. “You’re the worst.” You sputter out at him, purposefully spitting lake water at his face. 

He doesn’t even look like he minds. “For better or worse.” He grins.

“That’s not what that’s referring to!” You splash him and he splashes back but before it can devolve into a full on splash attack, he’s pulling you into his arms.

“I mean it though.” He says, kissing you again. “And I’ll tell you again, next summer, at our wedding.”

Our wedding. The words sound almost unreal, too good to be true. “I’ll be the one in white.” You promise. “Or, well, maybe ivory.” You say and it’s hard to kiss Morgan then when he’s laughing so hard.

#morgan rielly #morgan rielly fanfic #morgan rielly imagine #hockey fanfic #hockey fanfiction #hockey imagines #nhl fanfiction #nhl imagines #my hockey fics

[squiggledrop]

Thank you all so much!! I can't believe we have 1,000 friends on here, that's absolutely insane! I'm so grateful to have so many amazing people who enjoy reading my stuff, and you all mean so much to me. As a little thank you, I'll be doing this to celebrate you guys, so send in some emojis and let's have fun❤

everyone:

✏️- send a concept and i’ll write a hc/blurb

📖- i’ll give you a fic rec

📼- send me an episode and time stamp from cm and i’ll make it into a gif for you

📷- i’ll share the first video on my tiktok fyp with you

🎧- i’ll shuffle my liked songs and give you a song rec

🎞- i’ll show you a random pic from my camera roll

☕️- i’ll tell you a fun fact about myself

🎙- send/ask anything, let’s talk! (you can do this always)

moots:

📝- i’ll write you a handwritten note

💌- i’ll tell you my favorite fic of yours and why you are so amazing

🎵- i’ll make a playlist from your username/whatever word you want

I’ll be doing this for the month of March, until March 31. Please feel free to send in as many as you want :) Also, I’ll be tagging these ‘len has friends’, so feel free to block that lol

also- special thank you/shoutout to @idmakeitbehave who was my first follower on here <3, fun fact

tagging an excessive amount of moots because you all seriously mean so much to me, and I'm so grateful to have gotten to know so many wonderful people: @bvttercupbby @clairey-y @idmakeitbehave @pumpkin-stars @elitereid @goldentournesol @gubetube @andiebeaword @homoose @aperrywilliams @peachpitfics @reidsconverse @criminalmindzjunkie @differentkettleoffishalltogether @luvspence @deetle625 @hercleverboy @spencessmile @90spumkin @geeky-son-dr-reid @ghostings-ink​ @veraiconcos​  @m0thg1rl @ssa-m-187 @wheelsup and everyone else because I already feel annoying tagging this many people, but I love you all so too bad❤❤

#len has friends #thank you for reading my random rambles #you are all amazing

[an-absolute-travesty]

Secret Santa fic!

Heya @all-eternity it was me all along! I hope you enjoy this :) very much looking foward to actually being able to follow you after this without looking sketchy lmao

Also shoutout to my lovely beta reader @keepersandqueens as if I don’t talk about Salas enough here lol

Warnings: underage drinking, drinking in general, hangover, drugs/medication mention (not abused, basic over the counter stuff dw), mentions of vomit (not described)

Pairings: Kam, background marelinh, ex titz

About: Kam coffee shop college au 

Word count: 5,205

Tag list (tell me if you want to be added or removed): @cadence-talle @ruewen-and-rising @lemontarto @a-lonely-tatertot @clearlyvacksen @percabetn @sewersewersewercouch @everyonehasthoughts @imaramennoodle @enbies-and-felonies @blxckh0les42​ @rainbowtay-11 @callas-starkflower-stew @impostertamsong @appalyneinstitute1 @stars-and-splendor @anna-without-an-e @mistythegenderqueermess @we-have-no-bananas-today @we-wont-dissapear @jadenightthewriter

Tam stumbled into his first 8 am class, anxiety making his heart feel like it was pounding out of his chest and stomach doing backflips.

If he could survive bouncing between foster homes, a short stint at juvie, and worst of all high school, he could survive college.

Well he thought he could until he saw a familiar person right next to the only available chair in the room.

God fucking damn it.

"Hey Bangs Boy!" Keefe waved him down, causing a scene. Tam had no option but to sit beside him, both because of the lack of chairs and the fact that everyone was now staring at him.

Not a great start.

"What a coincidence! I notice you still haven't taken my suggestions on your hair, I'm telling ya' you'd get all the girls and or guys and nonbinary pals with a man bun." Keefe looked smug at the fact he'd be able to taunt Tam for another semester, minimum. Tam was already making a mental note to check when he could swap out of classes.

"Keefe, if I knew you were going here I would've just gotten myself back in jail, oh wait, you were the one who got me in there in the first place." Tam shot him a look, praying that he'd suddenly develop superpowers and shoot lasers from his eyes.

"Hey, just because I came up with the idea...and helped with some of the execution, doesn't mean I'm responsible for you trashing your parents house. Besides, you were only in there for like 3 days max before you got out," Keefe said, shrugging as if 3 days in jail was no biggie.

"Most peaceful 3 days of my life," Tam sneered, turning back to the front of the room as the professor walked in.

"Good morning class!" the prof turned to the white board, writing his name. "I am Dr. Harding," he tapped it for emphasis.

The class was silent.

"And you say good mor..."

"Good morning Dr. Harding," The class said in unison, they all sounded tired and bored.

This wasn't going to be fun.

~*~

"Grande ice vanilla latte for...Hen-are-y?"

The man shot Keefe a look as he grabbed his coffee.

"Henry." He dropped a tip in the jar, fifty cents. How generous.

He had come in before, and never left good tips. Keefe made it a game to pronounce the names of anyone who wasn't a college student and left bad tips wrong, no matter how much they came in. It was a wonder he hadn't been fired yet.

As he turned preparing another drink, the bell at the top of the door rang. He ignored it at first until he heard a quiet, "Fuck," come from behind.

"Bangs boy!"

"Why are you here?"

"I work here obviously," Keefe walked up to the counter. "Now, what'll it be?"

Tam sighed. "Iced caramel macchiato with two extra shots of espresso."

"Size?"

"Venti."

Keefe whistled thinking about how much caffeine that was as he wrote down "Bangs Boy" on the cup.

"Alright, that'll be 5.75, may I ask why the insane amount of coffee? I believe I remember you saying caffeine makes you anxious in high school."

"Yes, but it also helps me focus, and I have a quiz tomorrow I haven't studied for."

"Fair enough," Keefe said, going to prepare the drink. "It'll be ready in five."

Tam nodded, walking off to the side and scrolling on his phone. Keefe made the drink, occasionally sneaking looks over at Tam. He didn't seem to notice, thank God.

Soon after, they finished the transaction.

"See you at class," Keefe said, he was trying to be genuine, but it came across more taunting.

Tam grimaced, muttered "Thanks for the coffee," and walked out the door.

~*~

The class fell silent as a disheveled Dr. Harding walked in, a pack of gatorade in one hand and bottle of tylenol in the other. He popped one as he sat down.

"Hello class it seems today I have the worst headache imaginable, just give me about 5 minutes of silence and we will go over your assignments."

Keefe leaned over to Tam's desk.

"Well, we know what he got into last night," he whispered. "Heard the bar on the corner of 5th was giving out two for ones for professors."

"Isn't that place run by the alumni?"

"Exactly. Gotta thank Alvar tomorrow, Fitz said it was his idea."

"Wait Fitz goes here too? Why did I not-"

"Boys!" Dr. Harding practically yelled. "I am tired of the racket." He put his face in his hands where his elbows rested on the desk, bald spot showing to the world.

"We were whispering!" Keefe made a 'what the hell' sort of gesture. Tam glared at him, hoping he could communicate 'I will kill you myself if you say another word' with just his eyes.

"Sencen, do I look like I care?"

Keefe winced a bit at the use of his last name. That was something Tam could understand.

"Look, boys," Dr. Harding stood up and turned to the chalkboard, writing something down. "If you all like talking so much, you'll love this next project."

He walked to the side, revealing the board, that read '10 page essay, due the 25th'

"With the person next to you, you'll be writing a 10 page essay on um...the importance of keeping your oil changed in your car. You'll then present it to the class. It's worth 25 points."

A student raised their hand.

"Luka?"

"Sir, I thought this was a psychology course?"

"It is. You are all excused."

With that, he left the room with his tylenol and gatorade in his arms. The students glared at Keefe and Tam as they all got up, muttering amongst themselves about the pure bullshittery of it all.

"So..." Keefe said, slowly standing. "Does the library tomorrow at 3 work? I have work until then, so it can't be any earlier."

"Yeah, sure." Tam promptly walked out of the classroom as fast as possible, he didn't know why but his anxiety was spiking. He tried to tell himself it was just because he was a useless gay that didn't know jackshit about cars, yeah, surely that was it.

Just a useless gay.

~*~

Tam waited at a table in the library, it was 3:05, Keefe was late.

He didn't know what else he expected from him, he always seemed to do stuff like this. At the same time, Tam didn't have the energy to be particularly mad at him. This was going to be the stupidest essay ever written in the history of man, might as well put it off.

The library door slammed open, and in came Keefe. He balanced a large stack of papers and books along with four drinks. He stumbled over to Tam and practically threw them down on the table.

"Sorry I'm late, I thought it would be nice to, like, get you a coffee, but I didn't know how much caffeine you wanted, so I got one decaf caramel macchiato, one normal, and one with an extra shot, and also hot chocolate for me."

He sat down in the chair by Tam, as if getting three different coffees for someone you were forced to do a project with was totally normal.

"Um...thanks, I-I can pay you back-"

"Don't worry about it." Keefe turned to him and smiled, bright and friendly. Tam was frozen. "Okay, now it's car time." Keefe turned back to the desk.

"Yeah."

They were silent for a while as they researched, Keefe going through his piles of papers and books and Tam on his laptop like any sane person would.

Tam finally worked up the nerve to talk.

"So um...this is out of nowhere, but I think you mentioned Fitz went here?"

"Oh, yeah." Keefe put down the absurdly large textbook that was set up in front of him. "He's my roommate, he uh thought it would be best not to tell you after everything, I guess."

"That's fine," Tam shrugged like he didn't care. "I'm over it."

He was, really. They only dated like 2 weeks, sure it ended with a...pretty big fight after Fitz claimed he wouldn't be able to date someone who had gone to jail and Tam reminded him it was his best friend that got him in there in the first place, but he was still over it. There was still something bothering him, nothing to do with Fitz himself but...something. He just couldn't put his finger on what.

"Alright, I'll take your word." Keefe shrugged, setting his giant book back up in front of him.

Tam felt the need to start talking again, but didn't. They were mostly silent for the next 40 minutes or so, just researching and the occasional word exchanged between them.

Keefe checked his phone.

"Shit," He got up. "Work emergency, I gotta go. Same time tomorrow?"

"Yeah that works."

"Chill, see ya' later."

"Bye."

Keefe waved (with a wide grin Tam would've called idiotic in high school) as he went out the door.

Tam found himself with a smile on his own face, he quickly stopped, hoping no one saw.

~*~

Keefe hurried into work, pulling his apron on as he saw the absurdly long line and a panicked Marella frantically making coffees behind the counter. She sighed with relief when she saw him.

"Thank God," She said as he stepped behind the counter with her. "There was a scheduling error, Forkle's useless at that stuff."

Mr. Forkle, their well-meaning but often mistaken manager, was out of town at the moment. The fate of the Starbucks rested on two college kids, what could go wrong.

And so they went, Keefe taking orders and Marella fulfilling them until there were no more to serve.

Marella, quite literally, threw in a towel she had wiped her face with. Promptly going to the back, presumably for her break. Keefe followed her.

"Alright, I think you can probably go back to whatever you were doing before this now if you'd like," said Marella, inspecting the small braids in her hair in the nearest shiny surface.

"Nah I was just doing a project with Tam for Harding's stupid class, he's probably left by now, I might as well rack up some overtime."

Marella turned back at him, clearly caught off guard at the name.

"Tam? As in my-girlfriend's-brother Tam? As in you-had-a-massive-crush-on-in-highschool Tam? As in dated-Fitz Tam? As in you-got-him-in-jail-"

"Yes! Yes! Why does everyone remind me of that, it was one time."

"When you get someone in jail, people tend to remember," Marella went silent for a second, thinking, before looking Keefe in the eye. "Wow, that must be awkward as hell, I mean seriously, if I were you I'd straight up file a restraining order just to avoid him. Maybe move to another country. I hear Estonia is lovely this time of year."

"Eh, it's not as bad as it seems. I mean it was awful at first, mostly because I tried to resume right where we left it on the taunting front, but I think it's ok now."

"Hm. Well good luck with that," Marella turned back to go to the front, but Keefe grabbed her arm to stop her.

"Uh, actually I need your advice on something. It has to do with Tam."

"Shoot."

"Well I was thinking of maybe, I don't know, asking him out or something? Look, yeah, it's an awful idea but is it 'he never wants to talk to me again' awful or 'he attempts to strangle me' awful?"

Marella looked him up and down, eyes uncomfortably cold, as usual.

"I mean, no hetero, but despite your annoying qualities you're a decent looking guy. Plus Tam's, like, super anxious according to Linh, so maybe he'll be too awkward to say no. You can probably squeeze at least one date in there."

"Wow, thanks Mare," Keefe mumbled, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Yes, I try. Also don't call me Mare."

"Alright Ella!" Keefe called as the front door's bell rang, signalling a new customer. Marella went off to take care of it, unable to respond she growled back at him.

~*~

Tap tap tap tap tap.

Tam glared from across the table.

Tap tap tap tap tap tap.

"Why do you keep doing that?"

Keefe looked up, muttered a simple "Fidgety" and went right back to it, tapping his pen against the table. Tam said nothing more.

Keefe had been quiet for this entire meeting, something highly unusual for him.

"Ok, seriously dude, what's up? I haven't seen you this quiet literally ever."

He only seemed to get more fidgety at this question, his bouncing leg shaking the library table.

"I...um..." he looked down, running a hand through his hair "I have a test I need to cram for and no one to study with and keep me accountable. Y'know, ADHD issues."

Tam didn't overthink for once in his life but the moment the sentence was out of his mouth he regretted it.

"I have a test too, maybe we could study together?"

Keefe smiled his annoyingly charming smile.

"Sounds good."

"Good."

Tam quickly looked back down at his computer, trying to look like he was still doing car research when in actuality he was processing he just actively offered to spend more time with Keefe Sencen.

If Linh found out about this he'd never live it down.

He didn't think he cared.

~*~

Dr. Harding walked through the classroom door, clearly much less hungover than his last appearance.

The students waited, would they get an apology? Any sort of remorse?

"Alright, who wants to read first?"

Apparently not.

Keefe raised his hand with too much confidence for what their essay looked like. Tam gave him a confused look. He had his scheming face on, never good.

"Mr. Sencen!" Keefe winced at the use of his last name by the doctor. "What an amazing start, it's only appropriate. One of you boys come up and present."

Tam gave Keefe a look of 'do you want me to do it?' Keefe just smiled and got up from his chair. This would either be really good or really, really bad. Tam was all too familiar with the scheme face.

"Doc, I did depart from the source material a bit here, hope you don't mind. And I use 'I' because Tam had no involvement in this, he deserves full points for his essay."

Keefe cleared his throat, the room was so silent you could hear a pin drop.

"Doctor Harding deserves to get fired: an essay. (And it's only been a week!) Paragraph one, his drinking problem-"

"Sencen! Back to your seat now. I will see you after class, or I will not see you in my next class, understand?"

Keefe gave a thumbs up as he sat back on his chair with a thud.

A few minutes later, in the middle of another student's essay, he passed Tam a note with his loopy handwriting.

"The amount of comebacks I had for 'see me after class' is absurd but if I get kicked out there's no way Elwin is helping me pay tuition a second time."

Tam tried not to smile, certainly failing, as he wrote his response.

"Yeah I think the time you talked back to Miss Cadence she wanted to expel you. Lucky Principal Alina had a thing for pseudo-dad Alden."

"Oh God I haven't talked to him in a whiiiiiile."

"?"

"You haven't heard? Yeah, he sorta found out like ALL his kids were ell gee bee tees and freaked out. Della found herself a new gf though!"

"Sounds like a lovely extra punch in the gut for a queerphobe."

"Yep. Honestly I recommend looking through his Facebook sometime. Just a million rants about how the gays destroy everything, great entertainment."

"Duly noted."

At that point it seemed like the doctor started to take notice of their note passing, and they stopped quickly. Tam wouldn't be surprised if he did the whole high school read in front of the class thing with the way he had been acting so far.

Tam was 100% sure tenure was the only thing keeping this guy's job intact. Apparently being a drunk asshole wasn't near enough to get a person out of their position. He tried to ignore the professor's annoyingly smug face for the rest of the class.

~*~

Keefe sat in his usual spot at the library, Tam sitting across from him, his brown eyes dancing across the textbook page and lips mumbling along the words. He didn't have much to do, often finding himself just staring at Tam, quickly looking away if he seemed to notice.

Eventually he sighed, sitting back.

"Ugh, this test is in a week and I have so much other crap to do, I'll never get this all memorized by Friday."

Keefe silently thanked his brain for managing to get around the having to study thing. Yay, photographic memory!

"Oh, uh, well I'm free to study more tomorrow if that would help? We could do, like, flashcards or something."

Tam seemed to repress a smile. He did that a lot. Keefe always noticed.

"That's okay, I'm sure you have better things to do. The Starbucks is always pretty packed."

"Eh, sometimes you have to get away from Marella. She's mean to me."

"Not just you, once she told me if I ever made fun of Linh's cat's name again she'd make me cut off my own bangs."

Keefe nodded sagely. "The shorter you are the closer to hell. That's why you're worse than her."

"Hey!"

Tam flicked a stray rubber band at Keefe.

"I'm at least 2 inches taller than Marella...we measured."

Keefe thought up about 12 inappropriate jokes he couldn't make before flicking the rubber band back.

"Two inches only counts in roller coasters, none of which you can ride."

Tam stuck his tongue out before returning to his studies. Unlike Tam, Keefe didn't hide his smile.

~*~

Tam strolled into the Starbucks that Friday morning, no longer surprised to see Keefe working the counter. He could barely hold still in line as he thought about the amount of cramming he'd have to do in the next few hours.

When he reached the counter, Keefe said nothing, just busily worked making a drink.

He stuck it right out at Tam.

"One venti iced caramel macchiato with 2 extra shots of espresso because you have a test today in political science and still haven't studied everything and also a muffin because you probably haven't eaten today. On the house. Good luck with the studying."

Tam froze.

"I- um- th-thaks. Y-you too...sport."

Oh, you fucking idiot.

He quickly scurried out of the Starbucks with drink and muffin in hand. Wow, he had screwed that up.

But...

Keefe...

He...

He remembered his order and that he had a test and that he forgot to eat when he was stressed holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit-

Okay, deep breaths Tam, you got this. You can totally handle a frustratingly cute guy showing care for you this is fine...

Not fine, not fine, gotta tell Linh.

He called Linh with no forewarning. Despite the fact that she was currently across the country at a different university, and it was about 3 am for her, she picked up. He barely let her get out a groggy "Hello?" before explaining everything. She only seemed to think a moment before responding.

"Hm. Well it's good to know that college is going good for you. Do you need advice or comfort?"

"Yes."

"Well, first of all, everything's gonna be okay. And I know that doesn't help much but just try to remember we're eighteen, and it's not the end of the world. Second of all, try to ask him out or something. It doesn't have to be framed as a date, like Marella and I got together on a walk in the park, seriously it can be anything."

"Thanks Linh."

"No problem, also can you hug Marella for me?"

"If she doesn't try to kill me first, yes."

"Nice. Okay go do what you gotta do, also don't wake me up at 3 am again or else I'll sic Purryfins on you, I had just gone to bed."

With that she hung up and Tam continued on his way, still trying to not completely freak out.

~*~

Keefe stared blankly as Tam walked right out of the door. Marella appeared by his arm.

"So, how'd it go?"

"Well, he called me 'sport'."

Marella inhaled through her teeth.

"Yikes. Comfort, advice, or distraction?"

"Distraction, please." Keefe replied, absent-mindedly preparing a cup for the next customer.

"Uh, well I meant to ask you what ended up happening with that ass of a teacher, but I got a bit distracted at your attempt to woo Tam-"

"Hey I said distraction not reminder. But basically I just got a slap on the wrist because, and I quote, 'Your father is Cassius Sencen! He wrote half the books we use in this class, I'm sure he can straighten you out!'"

"There's absolutely nothing papa Sencen could do to make you straight, I'm pretty sure he tried that, and it obviously didn't work."

"He actually tried a few times and it most definitely did not. Lucky he doesn't have my number anymore or else I assure you he'd keep trying."

Marella laughed.

"Well, moving on from grade A assholes, I'm supposed to tell you there's a party tonight. I'll have to send you the address later, I have it on my phone though, I am told there's gonna be booze, so I'm going."

"Eh, I'll probably go. Just to get my mind off everything."

"Thata boy." She lifted her phone. "And my shifts over in three, two, one, and I am out of here! See ya' tonight Hunkyhair."

"That's Lord Hunkyhair to you."

She just rolled her eyes and clocked out, leaving Keefe to deal with both the customers and his own thoughts.

~*~

Tam sat in his dorm room alone, constantly refreshing his grades for the possibility that his 70-year-old professor would post the test results at 1:30 am.

His roommate was gone for the weekend, actually he was gone most of the time. Tam didn't think they'd even had a full conversation before.

He jumped as his phone began to ring, a call from Keefe of all people. He hesitantly picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Tam! Tam Tam Tam Tam Tam" Keefe's slurred speech was too loud for a phone call, Tam held his phone a bit away from his ear. "...fuck wait why did I call you..."

There was a long pause, neither said anything.

"Oh yeah! I needed to tell you something...but uh I uhm I forgot what it was."

"Keefe, where are you?"

"At a paaaaaarty, well, actually just outside a party because it was hot in there, but now it's cold out here so uh yeah."

Tam sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Okay, send me the address, I'm coming to pick you up. Wait right there and don't move."

"Okie dokie."

Tam heard a thud sort of sound and the rustling of grass from the other line before Keefe hung up and soon after got a message of his location.

After 20 minutes of walking in the cold, Tam came up to what seemed to be a frat house with Keefe sitting on the lawn in criss-cross, patiently waiting in short sleeves and basketball shorts, way too little clothing for the weather. His ruddy face smiled as he saw Tam approach.

"Tam! I remembered what I was going to tell you." He stood up, face falling right after. "Oh no wait I forgot again. Ooh! You need a drink."

Keefe grabbed Tam's hand, pulling him towards the house. Tam stayed in place.

"Hey, let's get you home dude."

Keefe pouted.

"I don't wannaaaa."

He slouched down, pulling on Tam's arm like a child having a tantrum.

Tam pulled him back up to his feet.

"C'mon, if you go to your dorm without fuss I'll buy you ice cream tomorrow."

Keefe seemed much more ok with going along with Tam with the ice cream deal. He pulled off his own coat and placed it around the very drunk boy, he didn't complain.

Keefe began humming some annoying song from the early 2000s that was playing from the house earlier as they walked back in the direction of the dorms.

Suddenly, Tam remembered something.

Fitz was Keefe's roommate.

Shit.

"Hey uh do you think Fitz is at your dorm?"

Keefe nodded confidently.

"Yep! Said he was gon' study. Wouldn't come to the party because of his 'reputation' or whatever."

Around reputation he did exaggerated finger quotes, nearly knocking Tam's jacket off his shoulders.

"Hm...in that case let's go to my dorm, ok?"

Keefe shrugged, apparently willing to go along with most things in his current state. Thank goodness Linh had made Tam bring extra pillows and blankets to college, he could sleep on the floor and just hope Keefe didn't get sick on him in the night.

It was ridiculously hard to lead Keefe back to his dorm. He tried to pull down his pants halfway there and Tam almost had to carry him up the stairs but soon enough they got there. He sighed with relief as he led his inebriated friend into the room.

"Okay, you can stay here for the night. I'll sleep on the floor."

Keefe plopped himself down on Tam's bed laying flat for only a moment before sitting up with a snap and a look of realization in his eyes.

"OOH! I remember what I was gonna tell you again!"

"Oh?" Tam said playing along, expecting him to forget again.

He patted the spot next to him on the bed, Tam continued to play along, sitting next to him.

"So Marella said that I should just tell you this, and it worked for her, so I'm gonna. And uh and you have to promise to listen 'cause I'm not sayin' it again."

At this point Keefe grabbed his face with both hands, staring right in Tam's eyes and squishing his cheeks.

"You're listening right?"

Tam nodded, mostly to shake Keefe's hands off his face.

"Okay."

Keefe took in an over dramatic breath as if he was preparing to preform in the Olympics before getting another grin on his face.

"I really like you."

"You really like me?"

He nodded mumbling "mhm".

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I like you. Like, like like you."

"Like...as a friend?"

"I said I wasn't gonna repeat myself. As a booooyfriend." At this point Keefe fell back on the bed, looking at the ceiling. Tam's cheeks were burning.

"How long have you liked me like that?"

"Mmmm..." Keefe seemed to ponder for a moment, "Prolly high school."

"Oh um...good to know. You should get some rest. I'll be down here if you need me."

"Alrighty."

Tam shut off the lights and Keefe started snoring quick. Tam could only stare up in the darkness, unable to sleep.

~*~

Keefe woke up that morning in a room he didn't recognize to a killer headache and dead phone.

He turned to the side, seeing a pile of blankets and pillows with a large gatorade, bottle of tylenol, and a note next to it. Suddenly last nights memories came flooding back.

Oh, shit.

He scrambled out of bed, headache and nausea hitting him harder as he stood up.

Despite the fact his head was spinning, he picked up the note from the ground and read it.

Hey, meet me at the reservoir around 6, we need to talk -Tam

F. U. C. K.

Had he really said all that stuff last night? Surely it was a dream, right?

Oh God.

He gathered his few belongings, plus the things to help the hangover, and left the dorms as fast as possible. Only having to stop once along the way to throw up in one of the campus trash cans, hopefully no one would notice.

Keefe didn't have anything to do and he really didn't want to face Fitz so he went about his day in last nights clothing. Then again, it was a college campus. Someone walking around with rumpled clothes carrying a gatorade probably wasn't that big of a deal for most people. By 5:30 he sat impatiently in the empty park where the reservoir was located, it was colder closer to the water.

Just as promised, at 6 o'clock he saw Tam approaching on the horizon.

~*~

Tam was damn near a panic attack as he walked around the park attempting to find Keefe. Eventually he found him, sitting on a bench still in his clothes from last night, face once again ruddy from the cold. He sat next to him wordlessly.

"So," Keefe started.

"So," Tam replied, looking down at his lap.

"Tam I-" Keefe turned to face him. "I'm sorry about everything last night, I probably just made everything super awkward. Not to mention it's a giant violation of the friend code to even have a crush on your best friend's ex-"

"Yeah, about that."

"What?"

"You're gonna maybe kill me for this but uh," Tam pulled on his bangs. "I sorta talked to Fitz about it, I figured you wouldn't and apparently I was right. He said he was okay with it as long as we were ok with it."

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

Tam sighed, "Perhaps."

Keefe once again wore that shit-eating grin of his.

"Can I hear you say it?"

"Why don't you have to say it?"

"Already said it last night! Your turn now. Why did you take care of me while I was drunk?"

Keefe stared at Tam excitedly waiting for the answer. Tam sighed.

"Because I love you, little shit."

"Ooh you said it-"

Tam smashed his lips against Keefe's, both quickly melting into it. After only a moment they pulled away.

"Agh, you taste like gatorade and vomit."

"Well you taste like salt so really what's worse."

"Definitely the vomit."

Despite this, Tam leaned back in. This kiss was a moment longer than the last, and when Tam pulled away Keefe chased it.

"Ok, look I'm sorry but you look like shit Keefe you have to go change." Tam removed his jacket, throwing it around Keefe once again and helping him up from the bench. Keefe laughed.

"Yeah, you're right. Ooh now that we're a thing you need a new nickname!"

"I do?"

"You do, how about 'Bangs Boyf' ooh or maybe you can be my 'provoked partner' or my 'snappy spouse' my 'agitated accomplice' perhaps."

"Do you just have these ready and prepared for any situation?"

"A magician never reveals his secrets."

"You aren't Houdini, you're an 18-year-old boy that currently reeks of frat party."

"Eh that's basically the same thing. I've seen some 18-year-olds at frat parties preform tricks Houdini could never dream of."

Tam sighed dramatically. "It's a good thing you're pretty, you know."

"Hey!" Keefe jokingly shoved him.

For the first time Tam's smile wasn't repressed.

#hope you like this elliot! #kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #kam #keefe sencen #tam song #kotlc fic #scheduled to post at 9 am and ill reblog once i get back to my phone because ill be doing x-mas stuff

[favoniuscodex]

Hewwo I really love your writing and I want to improve my own to a form similar to yours. If it's okay, can I ask what your writing process is or if you have any writing tips? Sorry if you already answered questions like this. I am not a native speaker by the way, can i also ask about how you built your vocabulary as well? Thank you very much in advance and I hope you're having a great day/night! Drink lots of water and don't forget to eat three meals a day.~

hello, anon! you’re actually the first to ask about something like this and i’m honored you think my writing is good enough for me to give advice on (and honored that you think it’s good enough to take inspiration from!).

i have two different writing methods, which are as follows:

long fics (10k+ words)

i write an outline and have my friends look over it to make sure that the scenes are both impactful and enjoyable, along with being organized. the most important part of writing a long story is making sure the timeline is coherent and that you have proper buildup to the climax of the story.

before i write a scene that contains foreshadowing to a future event, i write down what themes i wish to convey with this scene, along with any future information that will be relevant later in the story. this is helpful because you never write something all at once if it’s this long! you might forget important details, so having notes is always nice.

if i’m hesitant on writing a scene, i’ll talk it out with some of my friends and see if i’m still comfortable with writing it.

one of the biggest things i can recommend is being adaptable! being willing to change your story plans is crucial, because (typically) the first idea you think of isn’t always the best one. in my own experience, i change my ideas a lot as i write something. this is because i will get bored writing otherwise.

this is from my own experience, other writers may disagree, but i NEVER set word count goals for myself. i write when i want to write, otherwise i will get discouraged when i do not meet said goals.

take breaks or you will hit burnout fast!

have a glass of water and set a timer every 15 minutes to relax your eyes from your screen and drink some of it. it gives your mind a chance to soothe itself from the bright lights of a screen and also gives you a short break. and you stay hydrated!

short fics (<10k words)

when i write short fics, i typically don’t have an outline (unless if it’s a series) and i just go with my gut

if i don’t really like where a story’s going and i know it’s short, i finish it anyways because a finished product is better than giving up in my eyes? at least i know what not to do next time!

sorry a lot of these tips don’t pertain to actual writing! they relate more to planning. :( i’ve been writing stories for fun since i was 6 or 7 (i have journals upon journals of my first stories in my basement!) so most of what i do is just... gut instinct at this point? i apologize if that’s not very helpful of me to say. ;.; i don’t think of myself as very talented but like... i wish to say this in case it happens: please don’t compare your writing to mine! i’m sure your writing is lovely in its own right.

now that that’s said, here’s some stuff i can actually help with, which is under the cut because this is getting long:

word choice / vocabulary

first off, the best thing you can do for yourself is read something complex. like... the type of book where you have to pull out your phone and look up what words mean. if you’re not exposing yourself to new words, even if it is annoying to have to pause, you won’t learn new words.

this typically means ditching the fanfics and looking for actual published novels, typically older ones. i love fanfics (i write them lol), but the word choice in fanfics is typically limited to casual conversational language as they are written for fun, not necessarily to challenge the mind.

next, the best thing you can do is use a thesaurus. i personally use thesaurus.com but it’s different for everyone! but this is dangerous. using a thesaurus can be one of the worst things you can do for your writing if you don’t use it properly. you use a thesaurus to get synonyms for words that are commonly used, but may have a lot of other alternatives (i.e. happy, sad, etc.) and NOT super specific words.

ONLY use words listed as synonyms in a thesaurus if you know them and it’s safe to assume your readers likely know them as well! for example, i used the word ‘insouciant’ as a joke in my last fic. however, if i used that seriously, that probably would’ve been bad as it’s a SUPER rare word. nothing will ruin a reader’s experience faster than a story that blatantly uses too many words from a thesaurus and, worst of all, uses them improperly.

let me give an example:

starting text: “she was happy to see that he had returned safely. she could see relief in his eyes that she was safe as well. he smiled happily at her as she ran into his arms.” this is good enough, but it’s rather plain. it’s an easy read, but nothing about it is super engrossing.

good thesaurus example: “she was overjoyed to see that he had returned without harm. she identified relief in his eyes that she had stayed out of harm’s way as well. he smiled enthusiastically at her as she sprinted into his embrace.” it sounds a lot nicer before and definitely more polished, but nothing about this requires someone to whip out their phone in frustration to google a word. the point of typical writing is not to challenge your reader’s intelligence but to entertain them.

bad thesaurus example: “she was jocular to perceive that he had reappeared in an unharmed manner. she prognosticated solace in his blue orbs that she was guarded as well. he smiled jovially at her as she charged into his forelimbs.” this is a bit of an exaggerated example, but this is actually how i feel some authors tend to write. it’s very blatantly using a thesaurus, it uses words incorrectly, and it overcomplicated things to where it feels like the reader has to do a mental exercise to read it.

tl;dr for this section: if you don’t know a word, do not use it. if you are familiar with a word, it’s probably good to use as long as your writing still seems natural. thesauruses are your friend but can be your enemy.

i would like to clarify that i am a native speaker and it’s not necessary to read books forever in order to keep your grammar and word choice up to date. i have not picked up an actual published book within the last 4 years (don’t laugh at me i know this is bad). however, in learning to expand your grammar, reading books is essential.

some miscellaneous writing tips i have include:

you don’t have to take every request that comes within your inbox if you do decide to do tumblr writing. i probably, much to the behest of the people that submit, throw a good chunk of my requests out. write what you’re passionate about and your writing will improve and your followers will be happier.

if someone criticizes your writing, this does not mean they’re trying to criticize you (usually. don’t go on twitter if you want this to remain true). they are providing something most people don’t want to offer: advice. many times you will find yourself surrounded by people who will applaud you for writing nearly anything. this is not good. living in an echo chamber will ensure that your writing never improves. you want to ask people for advice and find those who will give you genuine advice, even if it may hurt to hear.

try to discern what authors you like do with their writing versus authors you don’t like. consciously making these comparisons will allow you to directly apply them to your own writing and help you emulate someone’s style as well.

please don’t write meme references into your work. it will get outdated fast. try to write something you can look back on within a few years and not cringe at. :) this is just my personal opinion lol, someone might disagree.

i do not proofread my writing. it makes me second guess everything. everything on my blog, as you see it, lacks proofreading, aside from inheritance, in which i had a beta reader glance over it. for beginner writers, this is probably shit advice if you’re not used to grammar BUT that’s just how i roll and i wished to share that.

the most important thing i do for my writing is have a good music playlist in the background. NOTHING will make you write better than listening to music that fits the mood of what you’re writing. find a premade youtube playlist or slap together a spotify playlist of songs you think fit the mood and get grooving to it. you’ll find that you’ll write better and you’ll enjoy the process of writing much more with the mental stimulus.

don’t write jokes in which you have to overexplain them. if you have to explain to the reader what the joke is, it won’t be funny. humor is difficult to write, but no jokes involved are better than a bunch of failed ones.

don’t worry about pinpointing fanfic characterization of a specific character perfectly. i get praises for my characterization of diluc and kaeya within inheritance a lot, even though i specifically altered them from canon (??????? this confuses me a lot that i get praised for this but anyways) and haven’t even read the webtoon. as long as it’s within reasonable expectation, you should be fine. zhongli shouldn’t be written as going off the walls crazy with excitement just like venti shouldn’t be written as super serious about frivolous matters. as long as you get the general gist of a character, people will enjoy it.

try to find some writer friends. they don’t necessarily have to be in the fandom, but being able to shoot off ideas with other people is amazing at improving both your plot and your writing overall. (shoutout to @shannara because for as much as i annoy him, he’s always willing to listen to me blab about any story and any idea, even though he doesn’t read reader-inserts nor should he care about my dumb OCs, but he cares about mine because he’s a cool dude)

don’t get discouraged if a fic doesn’t get good reception. in fact, it’s probably better if your first few fics don’t blow up in popularity if you do post them because it’s humbling and you can decide if you’re actually writing because you enjoy it or if you’re just doing it for clout.

i hope this made sense and if you (or any other people reading this!) need any more writing advice, my ask box and DMs are always open. if you ever want me to beta read something, please send a DM and i’ll see if i can as long as it’s like... not super long and i have spare time.

sorry this turned out to be so long but it turns out i had far more to say than i thought! good luck writing and i believe in you!

#long post #mail #advice #i hope this helped? i'm not very good at this sort of thing. #Anonymous

[christianborle]

Hey friends! In some strange turn of events, I’ve been spending more time on this website again so I think I should make a post reintroducing myself and saying what I use this blog for now (as of December 2020)

So if you just stumbled upon my blog or if you’ve been following me for a while but forgot, hi! I’m tumblr user christianborle (am i really the man himself? well, that’s the question oop) and I’ve been on here since 2012 (oh god). You may know me from reblogging posts about christian borle, obviously, theatre/broadway (shoutout if you’ve been here since smash aired on tv omfg), star wars, doctor who, cartoons, and whatever other kinds of entertainment I enjoy. You may have seen me be involved in fandoms and discussions over the years and I may have been mutuals with some of you!

Around 2017 things were getting toxic on this website and I just needed to step away. With this whole pandemic, I’ve been watching a lot more movies and tv shows and reading more books, and slowly I dipped my toe back into fan stuff because I wanted to find more content. A little bit of Anne with an E, then Steven Universe, then Avatar the Last Airbender, and now Julie and the Phantoms has taken over my life, as you may have seen lol. (also i have maybe been avoiding responsibilities and work recently so if u see me actively reblogging a ton of stuff tell me to get tf off of here lmao)

While I do miss fan communities, it is still a bit overwhelming for me and I still need to focus on other areas of my real life. so how I operate tumblr now is I:

don’t scroll through the dashboard anymore so I can limit my screen time here. I only stalk my friends’ blogs and reblog from them. so if you see me reblogging like 25 posts from you at once, please don’t feel creeped out!

basically if i recently watched a movie or tv show i just go ham and spam y’all with it for a few hours/days. i’m not sorry lmao. so if you see some random influx of, for example, matilda (1996) gifsets for no reason, you can safely assume i rewatched it and i needed a moment to get my feelings out about it. i expected to only blog for a day about julie and the phantoms and now i’ve accidentally turned into a jatp blog so that may happen too lol. as always, you can blacklist whatever you don’t like to see!

a little bit hesitant to join fandoms again because a lot has changed in fan culture since i left and i can’t have too many distractions. but that doesn’t mean i am opposed to making new friends! i love to talk about the things I am passionate about and am always trying to be kind and lend a helping hand :)

if you’ve been following me for a while, you probably know who christian borle is (my url). you can rest easy knowing i am still a fan of his and seeing as his name is attached to this blog, i always try to uphold respectful standards because of that. i would reblog more stuff about him, but the tags are kind of scary tbh and as i said, fandom spaces have changed. but if you want to talk about him and his work and how awesome he is, or if you have any questions about him, my inbox is always open! i miss getting asks haha

So yeah! That is the current situation. Don’t know how long I’ll stick around, maybe it’ll literally just be for a couple more days and that’s it, or maybe a little longer, and I don’t know what the future will be for this blog, I’m just here to vibe. Thank you for reading all of this :)

And if we were mutuals long ago, hi! You probably changed your url and icon so I may not recognize you but I hope you are doing well. I may or may not go through and unfollow inactive blogs or ones I don’t recognize so if I unfollowed you I’m sorry! (it’s time consuming to do that tho so we’ll see lol) I hope everyone is staying healthy and safe!

Oh, and I’m not giving up this url.

~~~~~~~~~~ tl;dr: not as active in fandoms as I used to be but getting a little bit involved, mostly just here to vibe and reblog stuff i like and not sure what the future will hold for this blog. and i don’t scroll through the dash anymore to minimize screen time, only on friend’s blogs, so if you see me reblogging a ton of stuff from your blog in a row, pls don’t be creeped out!~~~~~~~

#pinned

[ggukcangetit]

Dreamcatchers 4

Pairing: jungkook x oc

Synopsis: DI Jeon didn’t need a new partner. Unfortunately, his superiors felt otherwise; especially considering the extremely high-profile murder that had just taken place in the port city. Recent transfer, DI Choi Yuri finds herself confronted with a new cityscape, unfamiliar people, a hostile partner, and a homicide that is certain to bring back unpleasant memories.

Genre/AU: fluff/action/mystery | detective! au | police!jungkook, police!oc

Word Count: 4.4k

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: mentions of violence, alcohol, blood, drugs, death. Basically stuff you’d associate with a murder mystery/crime drama

Previous: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

Acknowledgement: shoutout to @stutterfly​ for designing this beautiful banner which i am completely in love with and stare at for no particular reason throughout the day. also a big thank you to @kinktae​ for helping get through a really tricky bit in this chapter :*

A/N:  reminding everyone that this story features a named oc because i’m still very unfamiliar with writing second person reader inserts. i’m not aiming for strict accuracy in this story, and all criminal investigation/forensics knowledge i have has been gathered by watching crime drama/procedural dramas! my knowledge of geography is also not totally accurate so apologies for that. once again, one thing right by @hobios​ prompted me to write a police inspector! jungkook story. would highly recommend reading that because it’s probably one of my most favorite pieces of writing!

Time: 4.37 am

Yuri had spent the entire night researching Park Jimin. Right from where he went to school up to all the scandalous newspaper articles recounting every aspect of his personal life. Priding herself on being able to maintain a professional outlook in her investigations, Yuri couldn’t help but feel appalled by what she had found. Park Jimin appeared to be arrogant, sleazy, manipulative, privileged, and everything that she despised in a person. Yoongi’s words rang in her head as she contemplated dropping the idea of acquiring a blood sample from the prodigal son of Park. No, this wasn’t because of her last case in Seoul. That was not why she was backing off. This was simply because she had no patience to deal with the self-absorbed antics of a privileged 20-something man.

Closing one of the last tabs, she caught sight of a familiar face. Not familiar in the way that you recognise an old friend, but familiar like a phrase you hear and cannot for the life of you remember where it was from. Park Jimin was seen exiting a famous restaurant in downtown Busan and beside him was another young man, so extraordinarily eye-catching in his loose trousers and green cardigan in a way that only an exquisite piece of art is.

An exquisite piece of art…

That was it. That was the phrase that made it click in her head.

“He’s literally a piece of art!”

“I mean, yes, he’s definitely conventionally attractive,” conceded Ahreum, a little annoyed that her photography was almost completely being ignored. “But what do you think of the pictures?”

“‘Conventionally attractive’? Is that the best you can do with your Literature & Creative Writing degree?”

Of course! This was Ahreum’s friend and Instagram muse.

Yuri snatched her phone from it’s charging spot and quickly scrolled through her friend’s Instagram. Sure enough, Park Jimin’s friend in loose trousers and green cardigan stared back at her from various parts of Busan, his expressions varying only slightly but creating completely different moods throughout Ahreum’s profile.

Kim Taehyung…

xxx

Yuri checked her phone for the fifth time in the last 3 minutes. Ahreum was supposed to pick her up at 8 am. It was currently 8.02 am. Not that it really made much of a difference, but she was raring to go ahead with her plan. A plan she had no doubt could easily blow up in her face, but weeks of fitful sleep coupled with shots of sugary coffee had given her a weird adrenaline rush which she didn’t want to lose.

A couple of minutes later, Ahreum pulled up outside her apartment, her large bike contrasting heavily with her petite person.

“Still don’t see why I couldn’t drive to the place,” muttered Yuri, putting on the large helmet with artistic paint splatters all over.

“The plan was to corner Jimin, and you can’t do that in your car which has a fucking police sticker right at the back.”

Yuri frowned. “Your plan was to corner Jimin. I just wanted to talk to him. And -” she fixed her bag across her body and put both hands on Ahreum’s shoulders - “I kept the sticker for parking privileges. I can take it off whenever.”

“Whatever. Just hold on tight,” said Ahreum, revving up the bike.

4.5 minutes later, they had reached their destination. Yuri knew that it had been 4.5 minutes because she had been fervently counting the seconds to distract herself from falling off the vehicle

“WHO drives like that? Are you totally insane?” she managed to get out, her hands fumbling on the straps of the helmet.

Ahreum gave her a sheepish grin. “Sorry, timing is essential in this case. Tae had texted me that they had reached just before I left from my place. We don’t have a lot of time. So I ugh-”

“Whatever. Let’s just get on with it.” Yuri tucked the loose strands of hair behind her ear, and mentally rehearsed everything she was going to tell Jimin.

Unfortunately, fate had other things in mind, because as soon as they opened the door to the diner, a familiar face (which most definitely should not have been there) spotted them and came over.

“Fuck.” Ahreum pulled out her phone and frantically sent Taehyung a text before the entire plan went down the drain.

“Yuri? Ahreum? What are you two doing here?” asked Seulgi, her long brown hair looked freshly washed and smelt of flowers.

A: why didnt u warn me that s was here fuck fuck fuck

T: i didnt see her… look it wont be that big a problem will it

A: pls tae the last time she saw ur boy they almost set fire to the library

T: shit ur right… umm maybe she-

Ahreum paused her frantic texting as soon as Seulgi came over to them. She gave Yuri a quick nod and decided to wing the situation as best as she could.

“Seulgi! This is incredible! I can’t believe we ran into you like this!” Ahreum hugged the taller girl. “I wanted Yuri to try the breakfast here so we decided to drop by before she had to get to the station. This is really incredible, I was planning to call you today actually. It’s almost time for me to choose my specialization and I wanted to-”

Yuri took this chance to slip off, as Ahreum steered Seulgi outside the diner. She didn’t really know why Ahreum was so intent on Seulgi and Jimin not meeting, but she trusted her best friend’s reasons.

Looking around, she saw that the large table near the window was occupied by the people she had been looking for. Kim Taehyung and his best friend Park Jimin. The latter had his back towards her, and as she approached she saw Taehyung’s eyes fall on her. She gave him a small wave, gesturing towards her phone’s lockscreen - a picture of her and Ahreum.

His face lit up in recognition as he stood up to greet her. “Hello! I’m Kim Taehyung. I thought Ahreum would be with you.”

“She’s umm…” Yuri glanced towards the doors of the diner through which Ahreum had led Seulgi out. “She’ll be here in a bit.”

“DI Choi, that’s not really true,” Jimin turned towards her, his eyes cold and alert. “Taehyung, your friend is diverting dear Dr. Ahn before she could see us and sabotage their poorly constructed ambush of me.”

Taehyung’s mouth hung open slightly, not really sure what was going on. “DI Choi? As in Choi Yuri? As in Ahreum’s best friend from school?”

“Yes,” said Yuri, feeling extremely awkward. She had expected to get two words in before Jimin caught on, but it seemed like she had severely underestimated him. “I’m sorry Ahreum didn’t tell you what this meeting was about. These aren’t the most favorable circumstances for us to meet. Nonetheless, I’ve heard a lot about you and it’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

Taehyung bowed in response, but his expression was still uncertain.

“What brings you here, DI Choi?” asked Jimin. “I doubt it was because you were dying to see me again. But -” he stood up and leaned towards her ever so slightly - “I wouldn’t be opposed to the idea if that were really the case.”

Not for the first time, Yuri realized how powerful Park Jimin’s presence was. She could see him becoming a very successful CEO with how he commanded people’s attention. However, she couldn’t shake off the uncomfortable feeling his gaze elicited. It was like she couldn’t predict what he was going to do next, much less fathom what was going on inside his head.

“Mr. Park,” she said, sitting down on one of the sofas in the booth. Taehyung and Jimin followed suit, but this time, they were both seated on the same side. “I’m afraid this isn’t a social call. I’ve come to talk to you about the ongoing investigation regarding the death of Kang Eunwoo.”

“I believe I answered all of your questions last time,” said Jimin, narrowing his eyes. “In fact, I believe I answered all of DI Jeon’s questions. You didn’t have much to say, as I recall.”

Taehyung’s head snapped towards his friend. "Jeongguk? You were at the station? Why didn’t you tell me, Jimin? What’s going on?”

“You and I both know that you didn’t provide much information. But that’s not what-”

"I don't think I was really required to answer any of your questions, DI Choi. Linking me to a rival company heir's death without a shred of evidence - " he leaned forward once again, his silver bangs falling over his forehead - "Some would consider that harassment. That would mean my lawyer would have to become involved. And neither of us want that, now do we?"

This is harassment. You really don't want to know how I deal with any kind of harassment, DI Choi.

Yuri took a deep breath, trying to ignore the words that kept her up almost every night.

"Your cooperation is highly appreciated, Mr Park," she continued, placing her hands on the table. "However, in order to save you from any further harassment, there is something you could help us out with."

Jimin did not respond immediately, giving Yuri the time to continue her, frankly, insane idea.

"We would require you to provide a blood sample. Which would help us eliminate you from the investigation. It shouldn't take up too much of your time - just a short visit to the station, and you'd be free of us."

Yuri waited for a response - anger, disbelief, frustration - anything really. What she didn't expect was laughter. Full on hysterical laughter. In fact, Taehyung was probably not expecting it either because he kept glancing at his friend worriedly.

"You are truly remarkable, DI Choi," said Jimin, once he had calmed down. He wiped a lone tear from his left eye, the many rings on his fingers glinting in the sunlight. "After everything that you've witnessed, you really thought you could somehow convince me to provide a blood sample? Sweetheart, I have 10 years worth of DNA that the police have been trying to get a hold off. Do you really think you'd be able to convince me when you weren't even able to get an alibi out of me?"

Yuri's face fell slightly, her mind grappling with ways in which the situation could be salvaged. It was at this point that Ahreum came over, looking distinctly more worn out than when they had arrived at the diner.

"Ahreum." Jimin turned his attention to the other girl. "You have such an interesting friend. Are you sure she's from Seoul? I didn't think such naivety could survive in the capital. Much less in law enforcement."

Ahreum frowned, snatching up the glass of water in front of Taehyung and gulping down the entire contents. "Stop being a dick for once in your life, Jimin."

"I love when you talk dirty to me." Jimin winked at her.

"Cool it, Jimin," said Taehyung, his expression no longer confused and worried. "Ahreum, what the fuck is going on?"

Ahreum looked at Yuri, not sure how she could help with the situation. Apparently, things hadn't gone well while she had been diverting Seulgi. "I'm sorry, Tae. I don't know anything other than Yuri wanting to meet Jimin."

"But you knew it had something to do with an investigation," said Taehyung, his handsome features creasing. "Why didn't you tell me that your best friend Yuri was a detective? That doesn't seem like information to just leave out."

Ahreum looked at him guiltily. In Taehyung's eyes, he was the only one who had no idea what was going on, and he felt both hurt and betrayed by her. This entire plan had been a train-wreck and to make matters worse, Seulgi had returned to the diner because she had dropped her keys inside.

"What the hell?" Seulgi stood at their table, her eyes narrowing disapprovingly. "What're you doing here, Park?"

"Hello to you too, darling," said Jimin, leaning back into the sofa lazily. "It's been so long since I've seen that beautiful face of yours."

"So." Seulgi turned towards Ahreum. "Are you really interested in going into forensics? Or was it just a way to distract me so that I wouldn't run into him?"

"Seulgi, I-"

"Darling, they were just trying to convince me to provide a blood sample," interrupted Jimin, his face curling into a smirk. "Was that your idea? You know I would've said yes in a heartbeat if you had asked nicely."

"Fuck you, Park!" spat Seulgi. She turned to Yuri and shook her head. "This isn't how I thought you'd get things done. I can't believe you're bargaining with a murder suspect!"

"Now that's a bit harsh, isn't it darling?" Jimin was enjoying the situation immensely.

"Jimin, don't." Taehyung warned his friend.

"Seulgi, please, this isn't what you think-" Ahreum ran out after the taller girl, the diner eerily quiet after the blowout.

"Jimin, you can find your way home yourself, right?" asked Taehyung, getting up to swipe his credit card at the counter. "I have to go."

Jimin nodded, his fingers lazily running through his silver hair. It was a wonder all the rings didn’t get caught in his hair.

"And Yuri - " Taehyung paused, his long fingers clenching around the plastic of the card - "It was nice meeting you, I guess."

"I think that went rather well, DI Choi" said Jimin, once they were the only two left at the table. "I was thoroughly entertained."

Yuri pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling a headache coming on. "My apologies for wasting your time, Mr. Park. Have a good rest of the day."

Once outside, she realised that Ahreum had left. Her mode of transportation had left. Without letting her know. She sighed and unlocked her phone, trying to figure out if it would be easier to walk back home or to the station.

"Were you abandoned as well?"

Yuri took a deep breath, preparing herself before facing Jimin once again.

"Friends these days aren't what they used to be."

"I don't know you, Mr. Park." Yuri crossed her arms and tilted her head to one side. "I have no preconceived notions, and I have no affiliations in this place. I am merely doing my job - trying to find out how Kang Eunwoo died. I don't really understand why you're trying your damned best to make things difficult for us. But let me tell you one thing- I'm not going to stop until I get to the truth."

Jimin seemed at a loss for words for the first time since she had met him.

"If you didn't have anything to do with Eunwoo's death, providing the blood sample should be nothing more than a formality for you. But by declining to assist us, you're pushing us into thinking you do have something to hide. I don't know about you, Mr. Park, but if I were involved in a murder investigation, I'd like my name cleared as soon as possible. All personal conflicts aside."

xxx

Back at the station, Yuri felt her head was going to explode. She hadn't eaten anything the entire day, her morning coffee forgotten in the chaos of the diner mission. On top of that, her desk had a large pile of papers waiting to be read.

"Goh dropped these off when he came in," said Jeon, noticing how she was staring at the pile. "Just procedural stuff - it's pretty much the same everywhere in the country. But each station requires anyone who joins to read through them and sign."

"Oh, I see -" Yuri stopped abruptly, her head spinning towards her partner. He had never managed to go two words without snapping at her, much less initiate a civil conversation. Why was he suddenly behaving like this? Was this some kind of trap? Was he baiting her?

Jeon seemed completely unaware of Yuri's internal dilemma, and continued typing on his work laptop until his phone pinged with a message. He quickly closed the laptop and walked towards the exit, already speaking to someone on the phone.

Yuri glared at his desk, trying to figure out what he was playing at. Gradually, her eyes landed on that wretched file. The 2nd Nov case file. The file that seemed to be Jeon's purpose of existence.

The 2nd November case that Jeongguk’s been overseeing - I want you to go over it. You might be able to help

Yoongi's words rang in her head. She began reaching over the partition that divided her desk from Jeon's, her hand was just a few centimeters from the file-

"Need some help?"

Yuri jumped in astonishment, Jeon's voice startling her into knocking her knee into the desk. She ignored the throbbing sensation, and focused on trying to explain herself.

"Need a pen to sign the papers. Mine's out of ink."

Jeon seemed to buy this reason, and picked up a pen from the large stack sitting inside a pale red mug on his desk.

"Anything else?" he asked, when her eyes kept flitting back to his desk.

"N-no." Yuri sat down hurriedly, sifting through the papers she hadn't looked over even once.

The next hour went by without much incident. Yuri had managed to grab a dodgy looking sandwich from the break room, and somehow finished it off in between large gulps of water. Never again was she leaving the house without eating.

Her texts to Ahreum had gone unanswered so far, which was hardly surprising. Yuri was pretty sure she was trying to explain things to Taehyung. It was best to give her some space at this point - she'd call and check on her later at night.

Jeon's phone rang again causing him to rush out once more, and from the fragments that Yuri managed to catch, it was Chief Inspector Goh on the other line.

"DI Choi?"

Yuri was stunned to see Park Jimin standing by her desk.

"How can I help you, Mr. Park?" she asked, after a moment's pause.

"I'm here to... cooperate."

"You're agreeing to the blood sample?" she asked, incredulously.

"Yes."

Yuri cursed under her breath. It was lunchtime, which meant that Seulgi and most of her team would be off.

Suho happened to be passing by at just that moment. "DI Choi, can I speak to you for a moment?"

"S-sure. Mr. Park, please wait here for a moment."

"You managed to convince Jimin to provide a blood sample?" asked Suho, lowering his voice.

"I guess so..."

"The labs are closed for lunch right now."

"I know." Yuri bit her lip in frustration. "I don't know how long he'll be willing to wait. It's already a miracle that he's showed up."

"I think I saw one of the junior lab technicians come back early," Suho wondered out loud. "Let me call him and ask."

Yuri waited as Suho dialed the number on his phone. In the meantime, Jeon had returned, his eyes catching sight of Jimin and temporarily halting him in his tracks.

What followed next was one of the most stressful 3 minutes of Yuri's life. Jeon was speaking to Jimin, when Suho informed her that the junior technician was available to draw a blood sample but would not be able to stay long enough for the sample to be handed over to either his senior or Seulgi herself. This was a definite issue because according to the station's protocol, junior lab technicians were not allowed to officially check in anything related to an ongoing investigation. It seemed like Yuri would have to wait at the lab until Seulgi or a senior technician came back, so that the sample would not be left alone until it had been properly entered into the system. The only problem was, Jeon appeared to be packing his stuff and Yuri's window to grab the 2nd Nov file was closing. This would've been the perfect moment, given that he was slightly distracted due to his conversation with Jimin. Suho seemed to sense the conflict raging within her, and offered to wait at the lab instead.

"Are you sure?" asked Yuri, her attention fixed on the file still on Jeon's desk.

"Yes," said Suho. "But I think you should tell Jimin that I'll be taking him to the lab instead of you. He'll probably take it better if it’s coming from you."

Yuri nodded and walked over to where the two men were having a conversation.

"- a bit annoyed that he didn't know I had been down here." Jimin chuckled and ran a hand through his hair.

"Why didn't you tell him, then?" asked Jeon, frowning. Yuri took this opportunity to swipe the file from his desk.

"Ah! DI Choi, I was beginning to think you had forgotten about me," said Jimin, his eyes falling on Yuri.

"Sorry for making you wait. Unfortunately, I have some urgent matters to attend to. DS Lim will take you to the lab and make sure everything is alright." She hid the file under her coat, and beckoned for Suho to come over. "Thank you once again for your cooperation, Mr. Park."

Jeon raised his eyebrow questioningly, but Yuri was out of the station before he could get a word in. She didn't have much time before he realised his precious file was missing.

Once inside her car, Yuri opened the file and read through every single inch of it. It was a grim case no doubt - a single mother had been stabbed to death by a homeless drunk, who was assumed to be the father of her three year old daughter. The girl had been missing since then, while the man awaited his trial in jail.

The pictures were quite awful. The small nook where she had been living told a rather tragic, almost pathetic, story. A young woman without many choices. Her pale, lifeless body only added to the sense of despair. Yuri wondered why Jeon was so obsessed with this case. Sure, it was terribly sad, but not unlike many other drunken brawls resulting in an unfortunate death. She wondered who was in charge of looking for the girl at this point. According to the file, no body had turned up in over a month. Which meant that she was either alive or her body would probably never be found. If the former was true, there was a high probability that this was a kidnapping. It didn't make much sense. Maybe there was something she was missing...

Staring at the picture of the woman's corpse, her eyes caught sight of a small detail - a ring. A ring which looked very familiar.

Sifting through the pictures, she found a close up of the ring in question. It had been lying near the body and it was assumed that the ring had fallen from her person at some point during the struggle.

Only...

Yuri took out her phone and quickly snapped a shot of the picture of the ring. This was absolutely against protocol, but she was desperate at this point.

It had been 20 minutes since she had run out of the station, and after making sure that Jeon had left, she made her way back in and dropped the file at his desk.

xxx

"Did you clear things up with Taehyung?" asked Yuri, sitting down at the table.

Ahreum picked up some pasta with her tongs and placed it on Yuri's plate. Tonight's dinner was in honor of Namjoon making it home before the clock struck midnight.

"Yeah, he's not one to hold grudges. He was just a little upset that I had lied to him."

"He looked quite betrayed when he realised that we had set them up like that."

"Don't worry about it." Ahreum shrugged while pouring wine into the glasses. "He's fine now."

"Tae can't stay mad at Ahreum for too long." The deep voice sounded familiar yet strange to Yuri, who had barely interacted with Ahreum's older brother when they had all been living in the same city.

"Namjoon!" she stood up, giving him a hug. He was still awkward with any kind of physical affection, though he had grown into his limbs and no longer resembled a gangly teenager. "Took me 4 days but I finally managed to get a glimpse of you."

"Ah," he said, pushing his black-rimmed glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Sorry about that, Yuri. I had a major project due last night so I was basically living at the library doing research."

"Well, I hope it's not going to be as difficult to meet you from now on. You and Ahreum are the only people I know here."

"No new friends yet?" asked Namjoon, digging into the pasta. "Ahreum, this is delicious! We should've called Seokjin over. He always appreciates good food."

"Seokjin? As in the guy who runs The Moon's Post Office?" asked Yuri.

"The one and the same. How do you know him?" asked Namjoon.

"Happened to visit the bakery on my first day here. He's got quite a way with shortcrust pastry."

Namjoon laughed at this. "I'm sure he'll be happy to hear that. That place is Seokjin's pride."

"But back to the friends question," he continued, grabbing another helping of pasta. "Detective work not leaving you much time to socialize?"

"Sort of..."

"She's been having trouble with her new partner," piped up Ahreum, her eyes glinting mischievously. "Maybe you can help her out on that front."

"Oh? Who's your partner?"

"Jeon Jeongguk."

"You're not getting along with Jeongguk?!" Namjoon nearly spilled the wine on himself.

"Namjoon, please calm down. It's not that serious," said Ahreum, rolling her eyes.

"Sorry," her brother murmured, placing the glass back on the table. "It's just... I know you both. There's no reason for you to not get along."

"He's being a dick," supplied Ahreum, helpfully. "Not sure why. Doesn't sound like the guy you're always gushing about."

"I don't think 'gushing' is the right word... but I get your point. Has he said anything to you, Yuri?" asked Namjoon.

Yuri didn't hear what Namjoon had said. Her attention was fixed on her phone, specifically on an email from Seulgi. The blood on Eunwoo's sleeve was a match for the sample taken from Park Jimin earlier that day.

xxx

another chapter done!

#jungkook #jungkook fic #jungkook x oc #jimin #taehyung #seokjin #namjoon #hoseok #yoongi #bts fic #btsbookclub #c me write bangtan

[always-and-forever-a-killjoy]

Hey fuckers! So I can’t let the all the smiles verse rest, so I ended up writing another four thousand words about the aftermath. This is basically a bunch of found family shit with a little bit of angst regarding Cherri being Not Okay. This one you actually probably should read the first three fics to understand. (You can find them here, here, and here, there’s also the last thing i see here, but that’s not essential to understanding this. And mind the warnings!) Also shoutout to @wishiwasthemoon-tonight for encouraging me to post this.

Title: at the end of the world

Wordcount: 3861

Summary: 

Cherri Cola is back from the dead, but that doesn't mean everything is solved right away. Not to mention that, unsurprisingly, there are some important conversations you need to have after you went to rescue your brother from the dead.

(Direct follow-up to if i died we'd be together.).

Warnings: Some pretty frank discussions of suicide and some implied past self harm.

Taglist: @wishiwasthemoon-tonight @sleevesareforlosers @stressed-depressed-emo-mess @tasteofamnesia @dagger-queen (message me, send an ask, or reblog/reply to one of my posts if you want to be added or removed)

AO3 Link

(Actual fic under the cut)

There was no time for the serious conversations that one needed to have when one had quested into the realm of the dead for their brother the next day, or the one after. Newsie didn’t sleep for a week like they’d threatened too, but they did sleep in until about noon the following day, leaving the afternoon for more catching up and a little bit more ‘you scared the hell out of us never do that again’ to which Cherri dryly said that he would attempt not to die, but death was an inevitability for anyone who wasn’t some sort of storybook immortal. (That earned him a lot of shit for being so depressing.) 

And the day after that, there wasn’t time for important conversations either, since that morning they woke up to three teenagers bursting through the door with a collective “Hi, Doctor D!” and a lot of drama between the three of them. Well, mostly the first one. D explained that these three were the Terrific Trio, a group of young killjoys who Pony had run into and helped out while Cherri and Newsie were off in the Phoenix Witch’s domain. They had already made themselves a fixture of the radio station, dropping by every so often to annoy the radio crew, and they were scouting for a permanent home in the area. Newsie thought they seemed rather chaotic. 

After that, there were announcements to make on the radio (“Turns out our favorite radio poet didn’t get himself ghosted after all and NewsAGoGo is to thank for that, not to mention that they’re back with a vengeance.”) a poetry corner to get up and running again, and more people to tell (“So, sorry I vanished for a month, Hot Chimp.”)

And finally, almost a full week after Cherri and Newsie’s return, there was time to sit down and talk about what had happened in the unreality and before then.

“Why do you think there was an oak tree in Death Valley?” That was how Newsie started the conversation, flopping down next to Cherri on the old and rather saggy sofa of the radio shack.

Cherri shrugged. “Witch magic? Everything there seemed just not quite right, even to me as a spirit.”

“Well why would the Witch do that?” Newsie didn’t wait for his answer before asking more questions. “What was it like as a spirit, by the way?”

He frowned, tilting his head thoughtfully. “It was odd. Very odd. The Witch kept me next to her for a while- I don’t think I could fully move on because she didn’t have my mask. So I ended up in that weird borderland for a while, too, floating around. The further I got towards reality-reality, the less I could do to influence the world. And the further I got towards the spirit-whatever, the more I could do.”

“So were you like, following me the whole time?”

“Oh- yeah. I was.”

“Creep,” Newsie laughed, giving him a playful shove.

“I wanted to help!”

“Well you weren’t much help with the walking!” They gave him a grin to show they didn’t mean their harsh words.

“I couldn’t do much,” Cherri defended, smiling back at her. “You were still too close to actual reality, so all I could really do was brush against you and make sure you didn’t get lonely.”

“You’re such an older brother. I’m assuming it was you steadying my hands on the ray gun, too?”

He nodded. “By that point, I could speak and you would hear me as a low whisper, but I was still most capable of physical touch.”

She nodded too. “Makes sense. So by the end…”

“You were starting to be faded because you didn’t belong in the spirit world. So I couldn’t see you as well, but I could still see and hear you, and you could see and hear me, I think.”

“Yeah.” Newsie messed with the edge of her shirt. “Thanks for that, by the way. Don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t shown up.”

“I think I should be thanking you, given all the effort you went to just to get me back from the dead.”

“Just,” Newsie snorted. “Just. As if your life wasn’t worth every second of that fucking walk.”

He looked incredibly touched. “Oh. Well thanks any-“

“No, seriously. I bitch about it a lot, but you know I’d do that a hundred times if I had to, right?”

Cherri’s eyes were glittering with tears, and Newsie glared at him. “Don’t you dare start crying, asshole, I’m trying to get it through your thick head that people care about you.”

He laughed softly, wiping his eyes. “I love you, Newsie.”

“Love you too, fucker.”

-

“What was it like to die?” That was Show Pony, his time, and Newise glared at em across the room as Cherri flinched. 

“Well, it was painful, as you might expect. And…scary. Dying was terrifying.”

“Why?” 

“God, Pony, shut up,” Newsie muttered to herself. 

Cherri didn’t seem to mind the questioning. “It was scary because I knew I was leaving you guys.”

“Aw, Cher!”

“I didn’t want to die alone,” he went on. “I never wanted to die alone.”

“Why’d you leave?”

“Because I wanted to not be hurting anymore,” Cherri said simply. “I didn’t want to die, not really. It just seemed like the easiest way out. I realized I didn’t really want to leave you all maybe three days in, but by that time, I was already dying. And I was helpless to do anything.”

“Oh.”

“So there’s your answer. Dying is terrifying, and lonely, and painful. But peaceful, too, when you finally close your eyes. There’s no pain when you’re already dead, but…it was still a mistake. I still never should have left.”

“Don’t think Pone was ready for that much honesty, Cherri,” Newsie put in.

“In my defense, ey asked.”

Pony had been briefly shocked into silence, but ey returned to asking questions almost immediately. “So, then did the Phoenix Witch take your soul?”

Cherri nodded, running a hand up and down his arm. “She took the bracelet that Newsie gave me, said it was the closest thing to a mask in terms of soul that she would be able to get. It wasn’t enough for me to fully move past, but it let me into the borderlands between this world and the next. That was where the Witch let me stay until Newsie came for me, and she let me walk next to Newsie on their quest.”

“And you were such an older brother,” Newsie complained.

“That’s kinda my job, isn’t it?”

“It doesn’t have to be, you chose to adopt me as your sibling.”

“Oh, well would you like me to redact that?” He was smiling, a little bit playful and a little bit wry.

“Nope! You’re stuck with me now, no taking it back.” 

“And I wouldn’t want to.”

“Awwwww, do I get to be your sibling too, Cola?” Pony was grinning.

“You get to be my nibling,” Cherri deadpanned.

Pony threw back eir head and laughed. “You’re not old enough to be my uncle, but I’ll take it.”

“Bold words from the person who’s always calling me old.” 

This time, Newsie joined in Pony’s laughter. “You are old!”

“Well if you’re my sister, and I’m old, what does that make you?”

“Young and fun because I’m the younger sibling,” Newsie declared with as much seriousness as she could manage.

Pony was laughing so hard ey fell off eir chair, and that was how D found the lot of them five minutes later, collectively laughing and cracking jokes about age as Pony laid on the floor giggling.

“This is why I can’t leave to do my broadcasts,” he muttered, shaking his head.

“I promise I tried to keep everyone sane,” Cherri said, but he was laughing too hard for that to be really believable.

“Uh-huh, and my name is Dr. Life-loving.”

Newsie almost fell off her own chair laughing, sliding down to join Pony on the floor as Cherri giggled. “Okay, that was a little funny.”

“Anyways, I was coming to tell you that I checked the date, and you ought to be very excited.”

Newsie and Pony both sat up straight at that, ceasing their hysterical laughter.

“Oh?” Cherri was still grinning, but not giggling anymore.

“Christmas is just around the corner, which means-“

“GLITTER!” Show Pony shouted at the top of eir lungs.

“A massive tumbleweed that will fill half our living room and be covered in glitter!” Newsie contributed.

“Decoration!” Cherri looked like a child on Christmas Eve, which wasn’t too far off. “Right, who wants to help me get the stuff out of the attic?”

“Not it, there are spiders up there!” Pony shivered dramatically. “Big spiders!”

Newsie flipped em off with a groan as she climbed to her feet, following Cherri up the ladder into the cramped little ‘attic’- more of a crawlspace, really, but it was where they stashed all their random things, including but not limited to spare power pup, Christmas decorations, old poetry, a bottle of bright pink spray paint, and two Helium Wars era shotguns. Which meant, of course, that it was perpetually a mess, and quite dusty. There were also quite a few spiders, Pony wasn’t mistaken about that.

Newsie squashed one that tried to crawl over her hand. “Alright, fucker, where did you stash the fucking decorations this time?”

“Back here, I- achoo! I think.”

“Great, pass them over to me so we can get down, huh?”

“Hang on, I’m still looking.” 

She waited in silence for a few more moments as Cherri banged around, occasionally swearing when he hit his head on the ceiling. “Hey, uh, Cherri?”

“Yeah? You okay out- fuck! Fucking beams- There?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just wanted to say…you know what you were talking about earlier? When Pone was asking all those questions?”

They couldn’t see him very well, only a bit of his legs, but they knew he had gone still by the lack of crashing and banging. “Yeah?”

“I figured I’d say that you can- and should- talk to us, fuckface. You don’t have to fight all your battles alone, you know.”

“Oh.” 

“We want to help. And we don’t want to trek five hundred fucking miles to get you back from the Phoenix Witch again.” 

“Oh. Thank you.”

“Anytime, fucker.”

Cherri emerged a second later with the big box of decorations, passing it over to Newsie with a tiny sniff. “Fucking dusty back there.”

They smelled bs, but they decided he could keep his pride for now. “Why do you think I made you do that part of it?” She climbed a few steps down the ladder, setting the box on the ground before hopping off fully. Cherri followed them down, still sniffling a little as he gave one final sneeze. 

“We should clean up there,” D muttered.

“Yeah, and how are we supposed to keep dust out of the desert, genius?”

D gave her a glare. “That’s the point of this building.”

“Yeah, well dust gets everywhere.” She pulled open the box as Cherri peered inside. 

“Hey, we kept that wreath I found last year! Great!”

“Of course we did, do we ever throw anything away?” D was smiling, despite his seemingly irritated words.

“Nope!” Pony went skating by, grinning. “Sparkle time! I’m off to the glitter stash.”

“Yeah, you do that,” D sighed.

“I’ll detangle these, see if I can get some working,” Newsie decided, pulling out a strand of lights.

“And I’m going to go get a tumbleweed,” Cherri said with a grin.

“Don’t you dare go alone, you’ll get run over by a tumbleweed! I’m going to radio that Terrific Trio and see if one of them will help,” D said firmly. 

The floor wasn’t exactly comfy, but it was a good enough place to sit as Newsie detangled and fiddled with the lights. Honestly, they would think there was a better way to do it than throw it all in a box every year and have to re-detangle it the next.

After about twenty minutes, a tall killjoy she vaguely recognized as a member of the Terrific Trio came to join her. “Hey, uh, Dr. Death Defying said that I should help with detangling these and sorting the ornaments? Poison and Kobra are going with Cherri Cola to go get a tumbleweed.”

“Oh, my dumbass brother.” They nodded. “Sit on down, sort some ornaments. I’m sure Cherri will look after your friends.”

“He’s your brother?” They could practically see the wheels turning in Jet Star’s head.

“Yeah. We don’t look much alike, I know. It’s not ‘legal’, or whatever.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, we’ve been friends for years and we just decided we were siblings somewhere along the way.” She swore as one of the lights flickered out.

“Oh no!” Jet was sorting the ornaments very precisely. “That’s sweet though, you just adopted him as your brother?”

“Uh-huh. He’s the older one because he’s such a protective dork. Fucking idiot.”

“Ah. I don’t have any siblings, but Poison is so protective of Kobra. Is Cherri like that?”

“Oh Witch, yeah. Just because I’m ‘reckless’ and ‘get myself into trouble’ well who fucking died? Not me.”

Jet was giving her a very concerned look, and she sighed. “Sorry. I’m salty at my brother. Fucking idiot, I had to walk so far to get him back that one time.”

“Oh.”

They didn’t get a chance to say anything else because at that moment, Cherri came through the door, dragging a truly massive tumbleweed. He was followed by Kobra Kid, looking extraordinarily disgruntled and covered in bits of tumbleweed, and Party Poison, who was laughing their ass off.

“Kobra- Kobra he got stuck in the tumbleweed! He got fucking stuck!” 

“I almost died, asshole!”

“No, you just got stuck in a fucking tumbleweed!”

Cherri looked somewhere between exasperated and amused. “He did, but he’s out now, so please stop laughing, Poison.”

That mostly shut them up, since they shot a glare at Cherri instead, but they were still smirking as Kobra flipped them off. Newsie thought the whole thing was pretty funny, to be honest. 

“So! Fucker! You got a massive fucking tumbleweed?”

“Yep.”

“And where are we going to put that?” D’s voice was exasperated (as was common) as he stuck his head into the room.

“The living room,” Cherri said with a straight face (or, well, the straightest face a gay poet could possibly manage). 

“Not what I meant.”

“I know.”

“You, my dear Cherri, are a bit of a bastard sometimes.”

“Only I get to call him that,” Newsie protested. “He’s my brother, only I get to call him a bastard.”

D sighed. “Fine. Anyways, Cherri, where are we putting this?”

“I figured over here?” Cherri was putting the tumbleweed in place in a corner, and D nodded with another sigh. 

“That works.”

“Great! Decorating time!”

“And that’s our cue, since my brother is going to stab me,” Party Poison announced. Newsie waved goodbye to them as the Terrific Trio made their way out, laughing and swearing at each other in equal measure. Which left the radio crew to put lights and ornaments and ridiculous amounts of glitter on a tumbleweed, followed by a strand of bad luck beads each. 

-

Seeing the beads hanging there had given Newsie an idea, and the next day, she hopped on her motorcycle. “I’m heading to the Zone Four market, fuckers!”

“Have fun, Newsie!” Cherri shouted back.

“See ya!” Pony chimed in.

Newsie waved as they revved the engine and sped off.

The market was as bustling as ever, and Newsie had to shoulder her way through the crowd in order to get to the one ‘joy who they knew sold semi-decent beads. “Oof. Damnit. Fuck!” They applied a well-placed elbow to get past the large group of killjoys blocking their way and tromped up to the little stall. “Hey.”

“Oh, hi…NewsAGoGo, was it?” The ‘joy shot her a charming smile. Xe was probably a bit older than her, maybe around Cherri’s age, and Newsie knew ae always had the best beads.

“That’s me and you well know it, Penny Pincher.”

“Oh good, always want to remember my best customer’s names. What can I do for you this time?”

“I could use some beads, wood if you have them.”

“We’re out of stock today, will plastic do?”

Newsie sighed. Plastic would be cheaper anyways, she supposed. “Plastic is fine. I need enough for a bracelet, about as many as I got last time.”

“That will be twenty carbons.”

“Swindler. I’d pay five.”

Penny Pincher laughed and pushed xyr coppery hair out of xyr face. “Ten.”

“Seven.”

“Make it eight and you’ve got a deal.” Ae dropped a couple of extra beads into the little bag, tilting aer head at Newsie questioningly.

“The extras seal the deal,” Newsie laughed. They passed over eight carbons, giving Penny Pincher a smile. “Thanks, Penny!”

Penny grinned back. “Anything for my favorite NewsAGoGo!” Xe waved her off with another bright grin, shining like pennies in the sunlight.

Newsie’s next stop was a ‘joy called American Idiot who sold paints and other art supplies relatively cheap, and then it was back home to the radio station. Cherri seemed to have gone out when she returned, thankfully, seeing as his truck was gone. 

“Where’d Cola go?” Newsie asked, wandering into the living room. 

“Think he’s off to get some water for some crew that got themselves in a pickle,” Pony told them. Ey was lounging on the sofa. “They’re all hurt and don’t have carbons to spare, so you know our Cola just had to go help them.”

“Of course he did.” They plunked down on a chair, setting down the paint and beads. “Warn me if you hear the truck coming, will you?”

“Will do. Whatcha making?”

“A bracelet for Cherri.” She picked out her first color, a pretty sky blue, and started to paint careful designs onto a few beads.

“Shiny! I bet he’ll love it.”

“He better, American Idiot practically swindled me out of all my carbons,” Newsie buttered. That wasn’t exactly true, she had bought some of the nicest paints the other ‘joy was selling, and a lot of them too, but they were still overpriced. Better than going to Tommy Chow Mein’s, though, so they still thought it was a good choice.

She had most of the beads painted by the time Cherri came back, yawning and rubbing his forehead. “Well, that was a day.”

“What happened?”

“Just some idiots being stubborn.” He peered curiously at the bead she was painting a little tree onto. “What are you doing?” 

“None of your business, nosy brother,” Newsie replied. 

“I was just curious,” Cherri said mildly. He pushed Pony’s feet off the end of the sofa to make a place for him to flop down. “Pone, your feet are gross. Stop putting them on the couch.”

“As if your feet are any less gross!”

“Well I don’t put my feet on the sofa when other people are trying to sit there, at least.”

Pony pouted. “Fine, you win.” Ey flipped around so eir feet were dangling off the other end of the couch and eir head was in Cherri’s lap. “I’m not moving, though.”

Cherri chuckled and brushed his fingers through eir (currently rather sparkly) hair. “That’s alright, I won’t kick you out of your spot.” 

“This is why I like you better than Newsie.”

“You only like him because he’s a pushover!” Newsie hollered across the room. 

“Hey!” Cherri was grinning tiredly despite his protests. “Maybe I’m just nice.”

“Uh-huh, sure. No, you just never stick up for yourself! Pone isn’t going to die if you don’t let em sprawl on the couch, you know.”

Pony put a hand on eir forehead like a fainting woman in an old-timey painting, sitting up off Cherri’s lap just so ey could ‘faint’ back into it. “You don’t know that, maybe I will die! I am gay, after all.”

“The gayest Pony in the desert,” Cherri laughed fondly.

“And don’t you forget it!”

-

A few weeks later, it was Christmas day. Usually, being in the desert was about survival. But being a killjoy was about living. Everyone would die in the end, killjoys sooner than most, so they had to take advantage of the time they had. So just for that one day, they ate their nicer food, and danced around to shitty Christmas music which Show Pony sang along to at the top of eir lungs, and eir singing might not have been on-key, but it was filled with joy and feeling. 

Gifts were usually small in the desert, but they all happily exchanged them that evening anyways. Pony had painted ‘world’s best dad’ on a mug for Dr. Death Defying (and covered it with glitter), and for Newsie and Cherri there were pins. Cherri’s said “I lived, bitch” and Newsie’s said “I met the Phoenix Witch and told her to fuck off”. 

“This is the best thing I’ve ever owned,” she told Pony (after she had finished laughing, that is).

Ey bowed dramatically. “Pleased to be of service.”

Meanwhile, the glitter trio (as Pony had declared them) had all pooled their collective carbons, braincells, and scavenging skills to find a set of rare vinyls for D, who spent the next ten minutes exclaiming over and examining them. “These are incredible, you three!”

Cherri, Pony, and Newsie exchanged satisfied grins. 

“Glad you like it,” Cherri told him, still grinning.

Pony nodded. “Uh-huh! Those took some trickery to acquire!”

“I love them, thank you.”

Cherri turned out to have written a poem for each of them, producing three relatively nice sheets of paper covered in his messy but lovely handwriting. Newsie’s was about life, death, siblings, and the word ‘fucker’, a silent promise hidden in every line that said ‘I won’t leave you again’. She didn’t know what the other two’s were about, but she did know that D gave Cherri his sad smile and Pony threw eir arms around Cherri with a “Love ya, Cola.”

And Cherri smiled and said “I love you too.”

Finally, Newsie got to give Pony a new bottle of glitter to add to eir collection (which had cost a pretty penny, they might add), and D a patch for his jacket that they and Cherri had worked on with Pony as well as the records. And finally, finally, she got to give Cherri the new bracelet.

Cherri didn’t look up from the bracelet for several moments after they placed it in his hands, turning it over and over and examining the patterns.

Eventually, Newsie got nervous enough to speak. “I figured I’d make one. Since, you know. Since the Witch took your old one.”

Cherri was smiling broadly as he did look up, still holding the strand of bad luck beads carefully. “I love it, Newsie.” He slid the bracelet onto his wrist, still grinning. “Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome,” she shrugged. “Fucker.”

“I love you, Newsie,” he added.

“Love you too, fucker.”

#cherri cola #newsagogo #auri writes #show pony #dr. death defying #ttlofk #once again i am writing about newsagogo and cherri cola #no one is surprised #suicide mention

[et-lesailes]

giving in // part two

PART ONE

pairing: doctor!steve x nurse!reader

word count: 1490

summary: you and steve are dating and your relationship is everything you could have ever asked for. however, you get into a semi serious car accident one night, and steve is worried sick about you.

warnings: car accident tw

themes: light angst but fluff at the end :)

taglist: @viarogers , @evanstush , @chibi-crazy , @chalamet-evans , @world-of-losers , @songforhema, @sebabestianstan101 , @tanyam93 , @bval-1, @wonderwinchester , @little-miss-exo, @poerebel , @pining-and-tired , @gogomez-509 , @patzammit, @a-distantdreamer, @malthestorytellerblog, @rainbowkisses31, @jbug491writinghelp, @quaiderade, @melannie77, @gigistorm, @lille-kattunge, @capsiclesdoll, @teller258316, @peach-acid, @rohaintahquil, @deidrashouseofpain, @allsortsofinterests, @xoxabs88xox

note: requested by @dawnstonoons // for now, this will probably be the final part to this series unless i get a specific request for a part 3, but i hope you guys enjoy! also shoutout to @thewritingdoll for the graphic!

You had been on the way to the hospital in the first place when it had happened.

Steve was working a graveyard shift and you, the great girlfriend that you were, had been planning on bringing him a midnight snack from his favorite burger joint- most likely his favorite because of its late night hours that accommodated his schedule. He had gotten a new position at the hospital, and while it was a lot of work and late nights, you were still proud of him. If anything, it was for the best that you weren't the nurse working for him while being his girlfriend, and so you did not mind being distanced at work either. God knows how distracted you would be if you were seeing him every second of the day, anyways. Besides, he made up for his busy schedule as much as he could when he had days off, giving you all of his attention and showering you with love.

You had been on the way to the hospital with a burger, but now you were on the way in an ambulance. 

While driving through the intersection on a green light, a driver who very clearly had a red light had decided to proceed anyways, succeeding in slamming into the left back door of your car. Thankfully it wasn't your door itself, but the impact was enough to send your car spinning, eventually crashing into a nearby light post and proceeding to knock you out as your head lurched forward, hitting the wheel. It was up to the paramedics now; you were out cold, just like Steve's burger was getting as it had been tossed around to the floor of the passenger seat of your totaled car. 

_______

Steve was exiting a patient room when he saw the team rush in with a figure on a gurney, the normal commands being barked left and right to get her into a room and in stable condition. He immediately started following out of habit, ready to help his team-- however, his eyes instantly widened when he saw your face. "What the hell happened?!" he instantly demanded as he looked up at the others, eyebrows furrowed deeply and features laced with desperate concern. The car accident was explained to him briefly, considering they were more focused on tending to you, and he listened as he rushed along with them, hand instinctively reaching to hold yours tightly. "Fuck. Shit." He cursed under his breath, biting his lip harshly as he looked down at your unconscious frame. Entering the room with everyone else, he immediately grabbed a pair of gloves, starting to put them on. "We need to stop the bleeding now, she's already-"

"Dr. Rogers," one of the doctors cut him off, biting her lip apologetically. "Dr. Barnes is on his way to lead this operation-- we don't believe it's wise to have you be in the room at all for this.... you're too close with the patient, you may be too distraught to focus." The blond immediately stopped in his tracks, looking to her defensively about to protest-- though deep down, he knew she was right. He would make the same decision if he was in her place. He sighed frustrated, taking his gloves off and coming to your side one more time, squeezing your hand. "I promise you're going to be alright, doll," he muttered softly, leaning down and kissing your forehead. "I'll see you soon. So soon. Be strong for me." Taking a deep breath, he stepped back, nodding to the team leaving his trust in their hands as much as he could before turning around and exiting through the double doors. 

_______

Waking up was confusing as hell. All you had remembered was the impact of the crash, and then everything was completely black. However, you had no time to even attempt to jog your memory considering the second you woke up, Steve was jumping to his feet from the chair beside your bed. 

"Baby. Are you alright? Shit, I was so worried." He took your hand and looked at you sadly with worry, eyes focused on yours. "Do you remember anything?" You held his hand lightly, not feeling completely strong enough to even give it a good squeeze; you felt groggy and your brain didn't even feel like your own. Looking up at him, you squinted slightly as if unable to recognize him. "Steeeeeve? Is that you?" you slurred, and he blinked before barely chuckling, though he still looked nervous. "Yeah, baby. I see the morphine worked a little too well. Y/N, are you okay?" he repeated his question and you started to open your eyes more, looking up into his pacific ones. You were silent for a few moments before a giggle suddenly broke out, your fingers properly intertwining with his now. "You're the cutest, baby," you told him with a confident nod, a somewhat mushy smile on your face. "The most handsome baby there ever is. And you're alllll miiiine." You studied his eyes closer, adding, "Did you know your eyes are really blue? Like, really blue. They're so pretty." You giggled again as you reached up to poke his nose and he blinked before laughing, a bit of worry fading away from his face. "Mm, alright, I think you're okay." He confirmed fondly, leaning down and kissing your forehead. "Thank you, sweetheart. I'm glad you think my eyes are pretty."

"All of you is pretty!" you suddenly insisted as if trying to convince him of this, grabbing his arm and pulling him down. "And I'm so, so lucky that the prettiest boy in the entire universe is my boyfriend." You then narrowed your eyes so fast, he practically almost widened his own from being so thrown off. "You're only MY boyfriend, right?? There's no OTHER nurse out there... is there?" He blinked and then laughed again, shaking his head as he slowly sat down in his chair again, though still holding your hand. "No, sweetheart. You're the only sexy nurse in my life, don't worry." You almost instantly laughed cutely upon hearing this, serious expression completely wiped off your face, lifting his hand up to play with his fingers. "Good. Because then I'd have to do some real NOT pretty stuff to her. Because you're miiiine, and I'm yoooours!" you (poorly) sang the last part to the tune of the Jason Mraz song, and he couldn't help but grin widely, leaning in to give your cheek a loving peck. "Mmm you're so adorable, lovebug. And you know, I'd really like to see you fight someone over me, now that would be hot." He added jokingly, and you giggled again. "I don't actually know how to fight though...." you admitted, your smile suddenly fading as if this was a huge problem. "Maybe me and her could have a bake off over you or something..."

He couldn't help but laugh loudly at that, scooting his chair closer to your side. "As long as I'm the judge, I have absolutely no problem with that cutie pie. But, hey, listen to me for a sec." His expression became a little more serious as he rubbed your knuckles lightly with his fingers, tilting his head. "I was so scared tonight. I-I don't know what I would have done if I lost you. And it made me realize there's so much we haven't done yet, so much I haven't been able to tell you." You looked at him just as seriously, your brain somewhat registering that this was a much deeper topic than competitively preparing pastries, remaining quiet as he continued. "I've never met someone as special as you before. It was never just about physical attraction with you, even if we had sex before we actually started dating. You know that, right?" You nodded your head slowly, looking up at him with somewhat round eyes. He smiled and leaned down to kiss your forehead, murmuring, "You're so damn precious to me. I love you, and I never, ever want to lose you. I'd be a fucking mess, baby doll." He pulled back to look down into your eyes, adding softly, "I just wanted you to know all of this. I want you to know how much you mean to me." 

You gazed up into his eyes, the drugs still hazing your tired mind, your subconscious wishing this had been recorded. Oh well, he could repeat this tomorrow. Nodding your head, you simply replied sleepily, "Yep. I'm special edition, baby." 

With that, your eyes were closing again, slipping soundly into dreamland. He looked down at you somewhat baffled for a few moments, his lips in a perfect 'o' as he slowly leaned back in his chair with an incredulous scoff. "Okay," he mumbled in amusement, "maybe that was on me for trying to be sentimental when you're drugged up, but come on doll." Still, he couldn't help but laugh, lifting your hand to his lips and kissing it gently. "Goodnight, sweet girl. I love you so much."

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers au #steve rogers fluff #chris evans x reader #doctor!steve

[oojei]

Black Lightning is the BEST WRITTEN Arrowverse show

They don't follow the whole monster/villain of the week thing and they come in chapters

Story is fleshed out, everyone has their own journey, their own stuff to deal with

And yeah that's sometimes (very) stressful, but that's what makes it a good story

The politics and social issues are honestly hurtful to watch because you can see it in real life

Esp the quarantine parts and the occupation? I almost quit because of that

Music is also good like srsly awesome song choices esp during fight scenes and stuff

Oh god the fight scenes too

That thundergrace apartment fight was def foreplay i need more

I love their costumes tbh, i keep imagining Cisco's delight when he meets Gambi

Not just the superhero costumes, okay? Even the civilian ones, esp the villains

Those rich fashion, very nice choices

Also obviously Anissa and Jen's wardrobe too

But the title cards are the best part just look at them

Let me talk about the characters now

Jeff Pierce is such a DAD and i remember that dad talk he had with Barry

I wish i seen more of him as a teacher/principal?

Black Lightning's a bit meh, for me. I think it is the generation gap and the fact that I like Lightning better

The visual effects they use on him, esp that one where he had lightning hoops? Very amazing

Next is Thunder, because I could write a whole essay on Dr. Lynn Stewart so I'll talk about her later

Right, anissa. Tbh i don't feel her that much? Maybe because she's been strong almost all season

She was like this pillar that was confident in herself, in her powers, in what she wanna do and who she wanna be with

Which is VERY AWESOME esp for a woman of color

But idk i just want my characters breaking down and stuff

Like Jen, like Lightning

Tbh I hate her superhero name because it's so similar to her dad

But anyway, i like Jen's journey the most

And. She. Is. The. Most. Powerful.

Period.

I want her to transform to pure energy again just so she can meet gideon and idk ask for make up tips

Her safe space thing actually reminded me of gideon's matrix so

Anyway, her and Khalil are just ugh

Let them be happy together !!!

Also, she and Brandon are just bros oki?

I do like the combination of their powers tho

Which makes me wanna have Jen meet a water-based meta

Maybe Kuasa?

Anyway, Gambi time

Fave old man, i would believe him to be batman

Kinda waiting for a batwoman crossover tbh

But yeah, Gambi is such a badass old man, and I want his sanctum

Special shoutout to TC, let him meet Cisco and Brainy

Oh god TC and Brainy

Obviously TC and Gideon too

Right, do I get everybody on team Black Lightning?

GRACE! I love you I did not forget about you you are amazing with all your scars and trauma and spots and comic book fascination

Please give her a suit

And wake her up from the coma

Remove the order from Gravedigger too, oki? Even though that ASA fightscene was real nice

That's everybody right?

I shall be talking about Villains now

Khalil is first because he uses the line bet villain and hero as a jumping rope

At first i thought he's like Sara Lance but then I realized a lot of people in this show does not stay dead for long

He is such a thirst trap during s3 and i am not complaining

But also my arms wanna try that whole one arm pull ups to the side thing?

Maybe after i actually manage to do a pull up

Petition for him to Salmon Ladder pls

Also that sequence where he's listing the martial arts he knows? VERY COOL

There's one I did not know, that Silat thing?

Anyway, props to Jordan Calloway, he's good as a villain and a nice guy and even the damaged sad boi

At the end of s3 i imagine the Waverider picking him up when he rounded that corner lol

Let him be happy oki?

Next villain, Tobias Whale

That man had such a good evil laugh okay? Very very good. I hate him

And he's such a fancy rich cockroach

Still haven't forgiven him for killing Todd

TC and Todd would've been friends

Or even more (let us not discount that possibility)

Anyway, Lala and Lady Eve, idk they just complicate stuff

But Odell, I WANNA KILL HIM

God he's sooooo ugh

I have so much hate for him and he's still alive so he could very much well be back and ugh

Moving on, Gravedigger is such a well-written villain

He believes he's right, has that special tick that he buries all of victims and his power was awesome too

I want that tbh

Can I talk about Lynn now? Great

I love her, I want her to be my mom but also she is very hot

Christine Adams is a very very VERY GOOD actress, tbh

Her shotgun scenes, caring doctor and then the addiction storyline just *chef's kiss*

Honestly she is awesome and I love her

Imagine the power if she, Lena Luthor and Caitlin Snow worked on some bioengineer medicine

Just ugh, the pretty on the screen

Oh wait, Dr. Jace (RIP) I hated her at first and then when she got to markovia and did that whole how to make friends thing? She's hilarious

Still evil, but I like her

Super smart but dumb about people, that part when she's actually listing down the recipe for Lynn's peant butter cookie

I think I got everybody right? Right.

Let's move on to things I didn't like

Obviously the fact that Anissa and Grace didn't get a wedding like dude that is so unfair

And now Grace is in a coma

In season 3, where is perenna?

Also why did Henderson have to die

Somebody revive him pls

I think I got everything already and I am SLEEPY AF sooo

GO WATCH BLACK LIGHTNING!

#black lightning #couchpotatoojei