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trensu · 3 years

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I had a thought about a vaguely Cupid-and-Psyche inspired crack!fic where Elias is a god of Love

(Jon: don't you mean Emotional Manipulation?

Elias: you say to-may-to, i say to-mah-to

Jon: ... I say to-mah-to, I'm not American, what does this have to do with anything?)

Jon is obviously Cupid. Elias took a shine to him and made him immortal against his will and keeps him as his servant or smth. Idk Elias is a douchebag, okay? ANYWAY, Elias is also a petty bitch and so he gave Jon Love arrows

(Jon: it's mind control.

Elias: they inspire passion, Jon. Just bc you don't experience it, doesn't mean--

Jon: No. Me being ace has nothing to do with it. They're mind control arrows. These people wouldn't have done all that if they weren't being influenced.

Elias: you have no romance in your soul

Jon: ...i find your interpretation of love and romance extremely suspect.)

Whenever Elias feels jealous or neglected or just plain bored tbh, he sends Jon out with to shoot whoever's caught his ire with one of those love arrows and has them make fools of themselves. Jon does it (he's bound to Elias for handwavey reasons so he can't really disobey) and it usually gets him in trouble. It's how he's gotten all those scars. (Jane Prentiss falling in love with worms and attacking Jon with them when he accidentally stepped on one while trying to make an exit was pretty tame in comparison to Jude Perry's reaction when she realized Jon struck Agnes with an arrow so she'd fall for some no-name mortal boy).

Such is Jon's life. Being immortal is not all it's cracked up to be when you can get injured and scarred. So when Elias started muttering about Peter's wandering eye, Jon knew it was only a matter of time before he'd send him out with those arrows again.

Peter, apparently, had been showing too much interest in a mortal boy named Martin, whose Loneliness tasted as bittersweet as dark chocolate (or so Peter claimed as he boasted during his dinner with Elias while Jon slowly sunk further into his chair the more irritated Elias's scowl grew).

"make him fall in love with something hideous and embarrassing," Elias had seethed at him, practically throwing the quiver at his head. At least two of the arrows pricked him so he was quite grateful that he was immune to their mind control (Elias: don't be ridiculous, Jon. Having you susceptible to the magic you're tasked to handle would be a stupid move on my part. You could get compromised and be completely useless to me!)

Grumbling, Jon set out to track down the mortal boy. He was not prepared for the the way the sunlight glinted off of Martin's light hair or his warm smile. He was not prepared for the twinge he felt in his heart when Martin's pale eyes glimmered with tears after receiving his mother's harsh words (the pain, worryingly, felt all too similar to the slice of the arrows he aimed at people).

He didn't want to shoot Martin with one of the mind control arrows. He wanted Martin to be happy. So he persuades his good friend Daisy to get her gf Basira to fake a prophecy. To her credit, she did a fantastic job delivering a fake prophecy. But there was some sort of miscommunication (or Martin's mother deliberately misunderstood; it could go either way). Instead of telling Martin's mother to marry off her son to a kind and handsome man with a gentle heart in order to avoid the wrath of the gods, the prophecy was somehow interpreted as sacrificing Martin's hand in marriage to some sort of hideous beast that lived at the peak of a nearby and treacherous mountain.

(Jon: how did she get that idea from your prophecy? what exactly did you tell her???

Basira: i can't fake a prophecy, Jon. and i'm not telling you what the prophecy was

Jon: What?? Why not???

Basira: it would violate the oracle-client confidentiality clause on the consent form we have them sign prior to a reading)

Jon was irritated by how quickly and eagerly Martin's mother was to dress up her son and dump him on the mountain. He was tempted to use the arrows on her, instead, but he figured Martin would be upset if something happened to his mother so he refrained. Jon fretted as Martin started his slow procession up the mountain. Martin wasn't made to endure such a harsh environment, and even if he had, he shouldn't have to!! Martin deserves to be loved and treated well and get given all the good things life could offer!!

So Jon constructs a luxurious enchanted castle using godly magic and more favors than he probably should've called in. He puts big obvious signage to Martin knew it would be his castle provided by his non-existent monster spouse.

(Daisy: he's gonna get suspicious when his monster spouse doesn't show up. he'll probably leave and try to find it. he seems like the self-sacrificing type and you know how those get.

Jon: i have a plan

Daisy: .... is this like all your other plans?

Jon: shut up, daisy)

So Jon pretends to be the hideous monster spouse Martin was expecting. Sort of. He only visits after dark, and informs Martin that he can not bring light into the room for if he sees his visage he'd be cursed (or something; Jon came up with something on the fly and was definitely not suave about it but Martin complied and that's all that mattered). He spends his nights with Martin, telling him stories and meekly asking permission to pet his hair and hold his hand while doing his best to ignore the pounding of his heart and the heat on his cheeks whenever Martin softly says yes. He didn't say yes the first time Jon asked, and Jon skittered away from where he had been creeping closer. He respected Martin's boundaries (he isn't Elias, after all) but as he and Martin spent more time together, Martin became less guarded and began to allow Jon close.

It got to the point where they would cuddle in bed and Jon was so content in Martin's arms that he occasionally dozed with him. Everything was great and Martin seemed genuinely happy to spend his days in the castle learning new hobbies and such while spending his nights with someone he couldn't see. Until one day Martin asked if he could have his mother visit. Jon wanted to say no, but the hesitant way Martin asked tasted too much of fear of rejection for Jon to deny him.

(Daisy: why do I have to guide her here?

Jon: bc you're my friend and if you don't Martin will be sad which means I'll be sad and you'll have to listen to me cry about it and you hate that

Daisy: damn it jon)

And because martin's mother is awful and bitter and spiteful, she tells Martin he should find out what his "captor" looked like. his spouse was a monster, after all, he should know what he's dealing with so he could defend himself and her if it should decide to attack them. so one night, shortly after his mother left, he waits until Jon has dozed off before quietly lighting a candle.

Jon wakes when he feels hot wax drip onto him and sees Martin staring a him with a shocked expression. Jon realizes what happened and flees in a panic. He knows what he looks like; short and skinny an riddled with scars of all kinds. Ofc Martin would be disgusted by him. He ends up licking his wounds at Elias's.

(Elias: my poor delicate darling precious boy

Jon: really, Elias?

Elias: can't a father worry about his child??

Jon: you're not my father!! you kidnapped me and immortalized me against my will!

Elias: details, details. anyway, you can stay here until you recover from your grievous injuries. byyyyee!

Jon: where are you going? elias? why's the door locked? elias?? LET ME OUT, YOU POMPOUS ASS)

When Jon recovers and finally manages to escape, he finds out that Martin had been trying to find him but Elias had given him impossible tasks to prove he's worthy of him. Thankfully, Daisy, Georgie and Basira all helped him out, much to elias's displeasure. Since Martin completed the tasks, Jon was able to reunite with him and they lived happily ever after~!

#tma #the magnus archives #jonmartin #jmart #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #trensu tells stories #this is a purely self-indulgent not!fic in case you couldn't tell #its a little bday gift to me since it's been rolling around my head for awhile now #i've also been thinking about an almost phantom of the opera au but this one amused me more #because it's more ridiculous and cracky than the other #and these characters need more comedy XD

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izziegs · 3 years

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Okay so TMA 187 analysis here, a bit more “Jon’s judgment of Helen was not entirely correct” from another Spiral fan

1. I think Jon’s analysis of Helen is (ha ha) distorted by A) his desire to justify her death despite her friendliness, and B) automatically made untrustworthy by the fact that Jon has never understood the Distortion. Helen has expressed before that him Knowing things about her is not the same as Understanding things, and he’s made it very clear before that he does not Understand (MD and HD are fusions, essentially. Combinations of the Spiral’s manifestation: the Distortion, and a human. In the same way Garnet is a combo of Ruby and Sapphire but not truly either of them, Helen Distortion has Helen Richardson in her, but is not actually Helen Richardson. She is both Helen and not, and was never Michael, though the Distortion was. Honestly, Jon, it’s not complicated)

2. We even saw this with Michael - I can’t forget that Jon assumed the Distortion was just a manifestation of the Spiral, not an avatar, and he seemed to take the revelation that Michael Shelley was an assistant as a sort of...betrayal, almost? Something that definitely threw off his idea of good-bad, where even though avatars could be bad their humanity kept them from becoming as monstrous as Michael, and the sudden shock of hearing otherwise, of seeing what he could become...I don’t think he ever bounced back from that.

3. Jon has always seen the worst in Helen. In 115, she came back to him for emotional help/venting/advice/connection and he lashed out at her, scared of seeing her become like Michael, still sore from betrayal from the Stranger, etc. From the get-go he decided this was just a Thing using Helen’s face, and even when she immediately told him otherwise, he rejected it. (“I don’t believe you” - “I have never told you a lie”) He chalked her vulnerability up to manipulation, and has never truly turned his view of her away from that initial assessment

4. 131 shows a lot of the same (“You’re still wearing her face” - “I’m not ‘wearing’ anything”) This episode Helen deliberately pushes against Jon’s desire to neatly separate them into bad and good, something Melanie pulls them away from to refocus on Jared

5. 143 doesn’t have them fight quite as much, though Jon does still seem very suspicious. Helen just shows up to eat Manuela and give Jon and Basira a door home

6. 157 - aka the day Jon uses as justification he was right Helen was never on his side even though it is One Thing. They’ve met four times prior to this and he’s been mean to her every time. I can understand her abstaining from helping him, especially when she thinks the end result will help her, and double especially when helping Jon would put her directly on the bad side of two very powerful avatars (Also, as Helen said, “If that makes it my fault, then surely this is Georgie’s fault as well, and Melanie’s-”. AFAIK, he’s not upholding that as proof those two are bad and against him)

7. Post-apocalypse, Helen tries to give Jon the advice he refused to give her. When she was fully accepting her avatar status, she just wanted someone she thought could help her, and now she’s trying to be that person for Jon. Hearing her later desire to keep the world as is, it would also make sense that she might’ve been trying to get him to agree with her, however, unlikely, so they could continue “helping” each other/wouldn’t have to have that inevitable fight. Something else notable about her in the Eye’s world: she forces Jon to stop withholding info from Martin. She forces them to talk about difficult topics (Smiting powers, where’s Basira/how is she, Martin’s domain) and had essentially become a more reliable source of info than Jon is. While her popping up was beneficial to Martin, it was annoying to Jon, and possibly also part of why he continued not liking her.

8. Now all of that, looking at 187: Again, Jon very quickly establishes that he doesn’t understand how Helen works (“I am not [Michael], and never have been. Surely you know all this by now”) and then explicitly says he is currently making judgments based on feeling instead of logic (which is not a new development, looking at his choices since The Eye Opens).

Here I’m going to go over a few of his specific lines from 187:

“Now you use her form, see her mind, but they’re just… tools.” - If that were true, there’d be no reason Helen would act completely differently than Michael did. If this were just a monster using a human’s mind for manipulation advice, why have a totally new personality? Helen is Helen, but Jon’s still stuck in his season 3 mindset

“Michael had nothing you could use but a razor-straight desire for vengeance, but you saw something in Helen that would work on me much more subtly. So you took her” - Bold of Jon to assume Helen taking over the Distortion was that influenced by him, lol. If the Distortion wanted you done for Jonathan, they’d have just kept Michael and let him eat you like he planned. Not everything’s about you.

“How long have you been working with Elias?” - This one is interesting because if he knows everything, he should’ve known whether or not Helen knew Elias (unless he assumed she could get into the Panopticon where he can’t see). Michael knew Elias, pre-Distortion, but Helen’s not talked to him. Jon didn’t think Jude Perry was working for Elias, despite her clear revelry in the new world. I think it’s weird he assumed that about Helen (unless he was also using that to justify her death)

Her commentary during his statement is funny, but interesting. The perfect time to attack him if she really wanted to, if she really had been building up to that like he thought she was, and she spends the time joking about him and Martin living in a Honeymoon Suite in her apocalypse hotel

“Is a friendship true, or is it reaching out with hands that cut you?” - Another interesting line to me because when Michael told Sasha he wanted to be her friend he deliberately manipulated his hand so that he could hold her hand without cutting her

“You worked to hurt us and help us, all with the same smile, until we can barely tell one from the other” - I think Jon is talking about Michael and Helen as one person in this part, but specifically with Helen she literally didn’t hurt you Jon she had one time she didn’t help

“Never quite crossing a line we could never forgive, but never putting yourself on the line either.” - Yeah, Jon, that’s what most people would do, tbh. It’s not unforgivable that she didn’t put her life on the line to help someone who has only ever been mean to her. Actually, she helped him more than most people would if treated that way

“It’s not me I’m worried about” - Another interesting line because even as he’s killing her, Helen’s final threat is to hold him in the halls until the End eventually gets his friends. She never threatens to harm any of them (because they’re her friends) - Edit: I can see how it could be interpreted as her threatening them buttt idk if she can kill them in the new world so I assumed it was End related. Still no empty threats, no real lies from her yet - Also, I think she genuinely does not want to kill Martin or Jon, she wants them to turn so they can all be friends without those messy ~moral hangups~

“If you do this, everyone inside me is dead!” - I wonder if this is true. I can’t tell if Jon was the only one that fell out of the halls in front of Martin. It’s not like the other domains, where taking the avatar in charge may usher in a new one. The Distortion was Helen. If this sentence is true, then Jon just murdered that mom and very possibly orphaned that five-year-old. Not just gonna brush that one off there

“Its hidden teeth and the ones it wears so proudly.” - Even in the end Jon still Doesn’t Get It. He still thinks the Distortion is pretending to be Helen. Was pretending to be Michael. As much as he should be an all-knowing being, he clearly still rejects what he doesn’t like

I don’t have a specific quote but Jon acting like the Distortion has had a constant motivation or like, consistent desire (outside of “cause problems for fun”) is wild because Michael explicitly told Jon he didn’t want the Watcher’s Crown to happen. Michael was going to kill Jon to stop it. He was on the exact side Jon is on right now. But I guess it’s easy for Jon to paint him as evil when the roles were revered, huh?

If you’re still reading this, uh. Hi. I really really like the Distortion (Michael and Helen) and I am Very Upset with Jon right now

Edit: This is not an argument on whether or not Helen was evil or if Jon was right to kill her too to save the world. She was absolutely evil and I can see why Jon felt her death was necessary I'm just saying he was wrong about her lying to him

#tma #the magnus archives #helen richardson #helen distortion #michael shelley #michael distortion #jon sims #tma 187 #tma spoilers #this is 1400 words of me analyzing every Helen appearance ever

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whatiwillsay · 4 years

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hey! i love your blog and i've read the swiftgron masterpost. i'm kinda wondering what songs (you're pretty sure) are about dianna?

(also i think wanegbt is abt di but it's more of taylor poking fun of her and di's on/off rs rather than a "shady" breakup song. i kind of see some parallels between wanegbt and ayhtdws)

oh yessss last time i got this question it ripped the fandom asunder (kidding but you know people disagree w me)

ok let’s start with Red

SINCE I CLEARLY PROVED AND ESTABLISHED THAT SWIFTGRON WAS NOT ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED UNTIL SPRING OF 2012 BECAUSE BOTH LADIES SEEM TO BE INVOLVED WITH OTHER WOMEN UP UNTIL THAT POINT CLICK HERE FOR PROOF OF ALL OF THAT

it’s fair to say none of the breakup songs are about Dianna

state of grace mentions four blue eyes, a fire sign, and is a breakup song so not dianna

red = breakup song = not dianna

we know IKYWT was not about her because breakup song

taylor said treacherous was about the same person as IKYWT so we cannot claim that song (SADLY I WISH WE COULD IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL) All Too Well = written long before dianna was on the scene and a breakup song so not Dianna

22 = well her damn name is in the liner notes so this is the first song we can canonically claim for swiftgron nation yasssss

I almost do = break up = nope

we are never ever getting back together - this one i waver on. the indie record line is dianna to a T and it is very light-hearted and almost satirical song. i think it’s possible it was born out of silly tiff the two had, but one issue with claiming this for swiftgron nation is when taylor wrote the song in June the girls had not been separated for an entire month so the “we hadn’t seen each other in a month when you said you needed space line” would be sort of “inaccurate” (ofc it’s music/poetry so you know taylor could easily fudge that detail/use hyperbole in a song but still now that i know the timeline as well as i do i have to note that) - dianna did tweet about that song so perhaps she was claiming it, perhaps she was just celebrating her girl - i’m undecided here y’all tell me who it’s about

stay stay stay = i’ve heard it was written in 2010 but never seen a receipt. if it wasn’t then i would claim it. y’all tell me.

the last time = breakup song written just as swiftgron was happily ramping up in spring 2012 = not dianna

holy ground = breakup/reflective song written before swiftgron was together = not dianna (YES i KNOW about the note on the door with the joke they made but i think that’s a coincidence - the song was written before that party)

sad beautiful tragic = nope break up so not dianna

the lucky one = written either right before or right after they got together, supposed to be about joni Mitchell right? posssssibly inspired a bit by dianna’s experience in Hollywood? but i don’t think so. this was before she was written out of glee.

everything has changed = YEP swiftgron love ANTHEM. (i think it was originally written for liz with her Gemini status and green eyes but taylor flipped the lyrics and dianna tweeted that bitch the day red came out it’s HERS)

starlight = about the Kennedys but maybe a hint of the swiftgron early love story hidden in there begin again = swiftgron love anthem!!! come back... be here = swiftgron love anthem!

the moment i knew = no

girl at home = no

now for 1989

welcome to ny = not dianna but it’s a skip anyway so who cares? it’s a friendship song about appreciating the city and maybe hints of karlie

blank space = nope satirical reflective song

style = yes cam’s fav thankfully is a swiftgron anthem!!!

out of the woods = i used to think was a song ab bearding with harry but just last night while recording a pod ep i decided no it’s a swiftgron song! listen to it today click here

all you had to do was stay = yep and tbh (aside from babe) that’s as bad as it gets for our girl i personally think. taylor has dropped some absolute DISS TRACKS about exes and people she has beef with but dianna never got put on blast compared to mad woman, should've said no, dear john, among others

shake it off = nope and skip

i wish you would = yep about dianna driving by her house after they were broken up in fall of 2013

bad blood = i kind of do think this is about katy perry but it’s not about a business dispute idk i don’t know how to exactly explain but it’s a vibe

wildest dreams = song about karlie that she wrote through the lens of just having had a rough breakup with dianna “i can see it ends as it begins” she’s nervous at the start because she’s scared kaylor will end the same way, but in general it’s about karlie tho the hint of a swiftgron breakup is in the air

how you get the girl = yep about dianna (supposedly proposing tho tbh i don’t know if i believe that)

this love = yep about her and dianna reuniting in fall 2012 i know places = so i know supposedly kimby kloss liked a tweet that said it was about karlie (haven’t seen the receipt but whatever) but kaylors gotta pick blue or green eyes. dianna has green eyes. taylor starts singing about blue eyes when she gets with karlie, and also taylor writes the line “we are the foxes” i believe she had already written that line or had it planned out when she wore that stupid fox sweater when she was out with harry in nyc because she was planning on people tying that lyric back to that day and tie the song to harry because she’s insane like that:

so if she had already written the line at the time of this hangout the song is about dianna (or you know...harry if you’re into that but if you are why are you on this blog bye)

clean = yes swiftgron breakup anthem

wonderland = i think about kellie pickler

you are in love = about karlie but early drafts supposedly contained the lyric you were in love so maybe originally about looking back on her relationship with dianna but taylor firmly gave it to karlie with that Instagram post

new romantics = just about friends and fun and should have replaced welcome to ny

OTHERS:

babe obviously

and i think you can make differing strengths of arguments for other post 1989 songs but none i would lose sleep over someone telling me it wasn’t dianna

so it goes..., death by a thousand cuts, and the 1 are the ones i think there are the strongest arguments for

also i think lea michele’s songs battlefield and on my way are about her but who asked

also thank you for loving my blog this blog loves you back!

also to be clear i don’t know for sure who any songs are actually about let me make it clear that this is just my best guess and opinion

also the thing ab wonderland being about kellie pickler was a joke it’s obviously the loudest most obnoxious swiftgron song in existence

#Anonymous

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purplesurveys · 5 years

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409

A little F•R•I•E•N•D•S survey just because.

Characters Favourite character? I relate to Monica the most but my favorite has got to be Chandler. Favourite male character? Chandler by a long shot. Favourite female character? Monica. Man, three questions in and I’ve already got my biases established ha. Favourite non-main character? Probably Jack Geller. Least favourite character (main)? Joey. I was always too impatient for his dumb ass. He’s adorable though.

Least favourite character (not main)? EMILY for days. They wasted so many episodes and storylines dragging her ass through them. I also kinda hated Amy. Funniest? Chandler, and this is going to be unpopular: Ross. He’s funny when he’s not being a jackass. Sweetest? ...Chandler. That episode where Monica ‘freaked’ him out by pretending to book a wedding venue when it turned out Chandler loved the place and ended up proposing to her was the sweetest. Best looking? Rachel. Girl’s style was always on point. Most mature? Phoebe trumps them all so hard. She lived through the Civil War, World War I, lost her mom, lived on the streets, and did so many shady things before landing in that apartment of theirs – she’s a kook but she’s a hella smart kook. Most immature? Has to be a mix of Joey and Rachel. And Ross.

Most annoying? Joey had his annoying moments especially the episode where he tries to speak French!!!!!!!!! but I love all of them just the same. Relationships Favourite couple? CHANDLER AND MONICA Least favourite couple? Joey and Rachel when they got together. I liked the slow burn that preceded the whole thing, but when the writers mashed them together, the execution was just ughhhh. I hated Ross/Julie, Monica/Pete, and Ross/Emily too. Favourite couple that wasn’t a main couple? Oh oof, I guess I’ve listed them all there. ^ Couple you wish would’ve happened? Chandler and Rachel. Their cheesecake episode was awesome.

Best friendship? Monica/Chandler and Joey/Chandler. The two that had the worst friendship? Phoebe and Ross were the two that just clicked the least lmao. Ross was too serious and too nerdy and Phoebe was more liberal and very eccentric. They had that debate on evolution once which I found hard to watch lmao, and not to mention that Ross is the biggest baby in the group whereas Phoebe had to grow up earlier than all of them because of her awful childhood. Couple you’re surprised happened? Rachel and Joey, obviously. Overrated couple? Ross and Rachel. They’re so hyped up when in reality, they were on and off for ten deadass seasons??? It was stretched for so long that it’s very easy to lose interest in it. Most underrated friendship? Phoebe and Ross, I guess. They weren’t very close, but I remember how Ross got Phoebe a bike when he found out she never had her own. That gets overshadowed a lot but I found that episode very sweet. Phoebe/Joey is also pretty underrated. You and them Which character would you be? I’m already Monica. Which character would you wanna be bffs with? Rachel hahaha. Monica’s too high-strung, Phoebe’s crazy, I’d get annoyed with Ross’ bitchfests, Joey is a little immature for my liking, and I feel like I’ll eventually get offended by Chandler’s sarcasm, so I’d go with Rachel. Who would you date? Chandler. Who would get on your nerves? Joey or Ross. Who can you relate to the most? Monica AF. Organized, obsessed with weddings, obsessed with kids, loves spreadsheets, makes everything a competition, loves food, the mom of the group...all of this is me. Which character pulls on your heartstrings the most (gives you feels)? Chandler aaaahhhhhhhhh. Who would you makeout with? Monica. Show Funniest moment or episode? There’s a lot of em, so let me keep a list:

The episode with the quiz

Joey putting the pieces together about Chandler and Monica

“Ross hasn’t worked in the museum for a year” “Monica and Chandler aRE LIVING TOGETHER” “Ross married Rachel in Vegas anD GOT DIVORCED, /AGAIN/” “I love Jacques Costeau” “I wasn’t supposed to put beef in the trifle” “I wanna GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”

Ross spelling out F-I-N-E

They don’t know that we know they know they now

Saddest moment or episode? Monica finding out they can’t have kids, Phoebe having to part with the triplets, Erica almost giving up on Chandler and Monica because they lied, and the final goshdarn episode. Moment or episode that melted your heart? When Monica made Thanksgiving dinner, only for Joey to ruin it because Monica had to answer the phone, then when Chandler told on Joey, she was like “I don’t care, the adoption agency called and we’re having a baby” :’( Best episode/moment? I can think of so many depending on what kind of episode you’re asking for, but the first ones I can think of off the top of my head are the quiz, Thanksgiving, and New Year’s resolutions episodes, and the one where Chandler and Phoebe pretend to be into each other to see who breaks first. Cringiest moment? A lot of Season 10 stuff was cringey just cos everything felt forced by that point. I also didn’t like the scene where Chandler was checking out their home-sitter’s bra because Monica was convinced she was stealing from her wardrobe lmao. Oh and the one with Ross’ list about Rachel. OH and Joey failing so bad at French. They def had their cringey moments lmao. Worst moment/episode? The one where Pete decides to be a UFC star(????) was so fucking random. There’s also an episode that shows their alternative lives - Monica was still chubby, Phoebe was a bitchy executive...I forget the rest because I’ve only seen it once cos the whole thing was pretty pointless. Best season? The ones in the middle. Best quote? “It’s an electric drill. You get me, YOU KILL ME” or “Gum would be perfection.” Joey Best trait? He’s adorably clumsy and he’s also pretty confident. Worst trait? He has his creepy tendencies, he doesn’t share food, and he’s too stupid for my humor to appreciate him. Who should he have ended up with? Definitely Phoebe. Was he just a player or a sweetheart? Meh. He was a player. If Matt LeBlanc couldn’t play him, who should’ve? Chandler His best season? I’m not familiar which season it is but it has to be the one where he decided he was going to marry Monica. Chandler was always the most insecure out of the six who had a lot of childhood issues and as a result, was perpetually afraid of committing and being serious and actually being an adult. Deciding that he knew he wanted to marry Monica is such an underrated pivotal moment for him. Funny or annoying? FUNNY. Why did he have trouble with girls? Because he’s so awkward. If Matthew Perry couldn’t play him who should’ve? Best trait? He really cares.

Worst trait? He hates himself and uses humor to mask everything lol. Ross Best trait? He’s a sweetheart and looks after the girls the most. Worst trait? Immature and cocky as fuck and loves to kiss his own ass. Which of his gfs/wives do you like best? Rachel. Funny or annoying? I’m split. Everyone hates Ross but he’s actually pretty funny to me lmao, but only when he’s not being sexist or trash. If David couldn’t play him who should’ve? Smart or dumb? Academically smart, pretty dumb in life. Phoebe Best trait? She’s highkey the most mature of all of the friends. Worst trait? She can be a liar. Weird or awesome? She can be both!!! Best song? Either the Santa song (”Rachel and Chandler, hshsshhshsh handler!”) or the shower song (”And tegrin spelled backwards is nirget”). Both slap. Best relationship? That guy from Minsk, David. That highkey should’ve happened. Did she have a better friendship with Monica or Rachel? Tbh Rachel. Monica’s very...analytic and Phoebe doesn’t care. Total opposites. Did she really wanna get with Joey or was it all a joke? It’s all a joke, but I wouldn’t be surprised or offended if they ended up together in some alternative universe. Did she really hate Ross? Probably aspects of Ross, but not fully. Rachel Was she secretly a bitch? She was openly a bitch lmao. Best relationship besides Ross? I hated all of her boyfriends. Probably Joey. YEA I SAID IT Best trait? She grew up so much in the show and I’m so proud of her <3 She went from fully dependent on her dad’s credit cards to getting her dream jobs and being a really good mother and ugh, I just feel for her. Worst trait? She was still the biggest baby in the show. Monica Best trait? She’s the mom of the group. Nothing better than that. Worst trait? She was overly competitive sometimes. Put together & organized or a stressed mess? Definitely put together and organized. She was also stressed, but she was never a mess. Would you find it hard to live with her cause of her cleaning issues? No, we’d be the same more or less. Was Richard too old for her? Yes. Richard knew her since she was little, which makes it worse. Short or long hair? Long. Do you think the fat jokes are funny or mean? Mean, but then again they were jokes of their time so idk why people today are being SO LOUD crying foul over it. More questions Were they on a break? Yes they were. I will defend this to my death. They were on a break after that very bad phone call and Rachel immediately invited his dude-friend over without thinking of Ross. Ross had every reason to be with a girl. Was Gunther weird or kinda cool? He was cool. I loved that they kept him as a recurring character.

Should it have ended sooner, later or when it did? They ended it perfectly. Some elements of season 10 already felt inorganic and unnecessary, but if we didn’t get the last season then we never would’ve seen Chandler and Monica’s twins and Rachel getting off the plane. I’m fine with the way they ultimately paced the show. Based off looks, who of the six would’ve looked best together? Chandler and Monica.

#survey #surveys

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youareinlovees · 3 years

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While I do agree with you that much of the hate for Taylor came from her white feminism and her being apolitical, it doesn't explain why it was so extraordinarily greater for her than other celebs who weren't and still aren't vocal about politics and causes. That's where I fall into the category of those things were a catalyst, but jealousy and envy were the fuel. And, hating someone because they choose to keep their politics private is just fake woke to be honest. Sorry, but not everyone feels educated enough or comfortable enough putting their opinions out to the public and just because they are a "celebrity" doesn't mean they are required to do that. And why in the hell do we put so much stock in what celebrities say about causes and politics anyway? Have we, as humans, really become such a herd thinking people that we no longer think and choose for ourselves.....we need someone like Taylor to tell us what to think or if what we think is right? Pathetic actually. I'm sorry, but she's a HS educated singer/songwriter, not a college educated politician, environmentalist, economist or sociologist.

I already said this in another ask, but I think the fuel was very much the way she marketed herself as a fragile underdog tbh. Like yeah Katy Perry is so much more of a white feminist and her politics are embarassing as fuck but she's never pushed the Fearless era type image on herself, so people were less bothered by it.

And in response to everything else, I think we can simultaneously think that it's dumb to expect Taylor to be an activist or for her to have the exact same views as us, but also think she should've been made her stances on fundamental basic stuff a lot more clear. Like the fact that she tried to tweet about Charleston but compared the march to her crowds on tour and didn’t mention BLM at all in her tweet or why people were marching in the first place?? It’s not my place to say whether that was effective allyship but it still actively bothers me to this day

#lets talk taylor's politics

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band-blogging · 7 years

Text

Extraterrestrial p.1

Title: Extraterrestrial (part 1)

Request: Omg can you do a josh x reader based of E.T by Katy perry I’m really feeling alien!josh TBH

Characters: Alien!Josh Dun x Reader

Warnings: Cursing, violence

A/N: It might be a bit confusing in the beginning, but it’ll make sense once you get into it.

(part 1) (part 2)

“Can I get an iced coffee?”

You have worked as a barista for three years and even though it’s not the best job to have financially, you can’t really imagine leaving. You see the same customers, take the same orders, and work with the same people every day. Everyone knows everyone else’s name and you can give people their drink and ask them how their dog is because you know your customers that well.

So you definitely don’t expect to look up and see a head of blinding yellow hair in front of you.

“Oh, um…yeah. Iced coffee, coming right up.”

The man smiles at you and goes to sit down in a booth on the other side of the shop. You can’t help but glance at him every now and then as you make his coffee.

No one with his…style comes into the coffee shop. At least, not very often. You barely see anyone with sleeve tats and definitely not with hair like his. Most of the people that come in are on their way to work or go to the local collage and come to study or read.

But he just sits there on his phone, not a care in the world.

You finish his coffee and take it over to him, giving him a smile as you set it on the table.

“I haven’t seen you in here before.”

“Yeah, I just moved here, actually. This place is close to my apartment and I’ve heard good things about it so I decided to give it a try,” he says, taking a sip of his coffee. “Wow, this is better then I expected.”

You chuckle at his expression. He looks genuinely surprised that you make good coffee.

“Well, I’m glad you like it. I’ll see you around…”

“Josh,” he says, flashing another smile.

“Well, I’ll see you around Josh. I’m Y/N, by the way.”

Josh had been looking for you. He figured that it would be easy to find you at the local coffee shop you work at, and it was.

He’s not a stalker. Not by a long shot.

But he’s dying.

And he needs to find you to make sure you’re healthy. Healthier then he is at the moment. And if you are, he’ll know you’re the right person.

He feels bad about all of it. He knows he’s not supposed to, but he can’t help it. You seem like a good person and he’s taking something away from you that you won’t be able to get back.

But his survival is important. And he doesn’t want to say it because he knows it sounds cruel, but it’s more important then yours.

The next day Josh comes in again. He orders the same thing, sits at the same table and gives you the same smile that he did the day before.

And everything is as it should be. The same people coming in and the same drinks being ordered.

But there’s something about Josh that makes him stand out. Of course the hair and the tattoos, but that’s not it. There’s something about the way he talks…the way he looks at things.

You had actually sat down with Josh today and had a conversation about where he’s from. He told you Columbus, Ohio. Then he described it to you and, wow, he really has a way with words.

The conversation ended way too soon and you had to go back to work, but Josh told you that he would be back again the next day and that he would love to talk to you.

You haven’t giggled in a long time. You’re not proud of it, but Josh looked really cute and you couldn’t help yourself.

It really says a lot about your love life when you develop a crush on someone within two days of meeting them.

But two days turns into a week, which turns into two, and then three. The time goes by so fast and you don’t know how it happened, but you’re pretty sure you can officially say that you and Josh are friends.

After the first week, Josh started coming in closer to closing time rather than in the morning. He comes about an hour before you close up and stays until everyone is gone, even your co-workers. Then the two of you go your separate ways and that’s that.

And then the next day he comes in at the same time and stays for an hour before you go your separate ways. Like clockwork.

You really should’ve been suspicious. The things he says about you and how he knows some things that you hadn’t told him…you should’ve seen it and raised some red flags.

But it’s Josh. The guy that you’ve only known for three weeks who somehow knows more about you than some of your closet friends do. Not in a stalker way…it’s like he knows what you’re thinking and the exact thing to say based on your mood. And it’s great.

That’s how you got to today, three weeks after you met Josh, about fifty minutes into the hour he spends with you.

“How the hell do you make coffee this good?” he asks as you clean the tables, sipping his iced coffee. You chuckle and shrug, going back behind the counter once you finish with the tables.

“It’s a gift only some have. It can’t be taught.”

Josh laughs and leans on the counter, his eyes wandering around the deserted shop.

“Can I learn? I think it would be quite the accomplishment to be able to do the impossible,” he asks, smiling at you. “Do you think you could make an exception to your ‘it can’t be taught’ theory?”

You laugh, motioning for him to come behind the counter and into the kitchen.

“Alright, fine. But it’s pretty challenging, just warning you now-”

You had led Josh into the kitchen, your back turned to him. You honestly don’t know how you ended up facing him, pinned against a wall with his arm holding you in place, but here you are.

“What…w-what are you doing?”

He doesn’t respond and his eyes don’t meet yours. He keeps his eyes on the floor as he pulls something out of his pocket. You are able to look down and see what looks like a syringe.

You’ve been to the doctor’s many times and have gotten your fair share of shots. You’ve always hated them (hasn’t everyone) but that’s nothing compared to this. You actually think Josh is going to murder you.

Oh god, what if Josh is about to murder you?

“J-Josh, l-let me go.”

You struggle against him, but he’s a lot stronger then you gave him credit for. Sure he has muscle and you could tell he works out, but what the hell, does he live at the gym?

“Just hold still…it won’t hurt, I promise. Just hold still.”

You try to struggle, but Josh’s arm is pressed just below your neck, trapping your upper body and arms to the wall. He also moved his knees to press against yours so that you can’t move your legs. His entire body is basically pressed against yours and you would probably have blushed if it weren’t for the circumstances. You look around for anything else you can use to get away, maybe you left a frying pan laying around somewhere. That usually works in the movies.

But Josh somehow has your upper body pinned to the wall with only one arm. People aren’t supposed to be that strong.

“Josh, stop,” you say, this time your words coming out as more of a whimper. He looks at you and his eyes are filled with fear, which is the last thing you expect. You thought he would look at you with wild eyes, like the killers in the movies have.

But he looks genuinely terrified.

“Just hold still,” he says again. He takes the syringe and holds it against your neck. You take a sharp breath and sink back against the wall further, trying to get away from the needle inch by inch.

You can feel tears starting to form in the corners of your eyes and you shut them tightly, trying not to let them escape.

“Are you going to kill me?” you ask, opening your eyes to see Josh in the same position he was in before, the needle just barely grazing your neck.

He doesn’t say anything, but he looks down and guilt flashes through his scared expression.

“O-oh god, you’re going to kill me,” you say, your breathing becoming rapid.

“It won’t hurt,” he mutters again, as if that somehow makes it better.

“Josh, wait…please don’t,” you murmer, trying to catch his eyes. “Please…”

“I have to. I’m sorry…I don’t have a choice.”

“Of course you do,” you say, trying to keep your voice steady. “J-just let me go, Josh. That’s all you have to do.”

He shakes his head and squeezes his eyes shut.

“Just let me go.”

“I’m so sorry.”

That’s the last thing he says. And you close your eyes again, waiting for the needle to pierce your skin.

But it doesn’t.

You don’t feel anything except for Josh’s arm pressing against you and his ragid breath just barely reaching your skin.

“I-I don’t…” he tries to say something, but he chokes on his words and you feel some of the pressure on your chest lift. Not enough for you to move your body, but enough for you to slip your arm out and grab a knife that’s on the counter.

You take the knife and press it to his stomach, making him back away from you.

“G-get away from me,” you say, watching him closely as he backs away. You feel your hands start to shake, but you keep a tight grip on the knife as you back him into a wall.

He stares at you and he actually looks relieved, despite the knife that’s being pointed at him. He slips the syringe back in his pocket and holds his hands up.

“I’m calling the police,” you mutter, pulling your phone out of your pocket.

“Wait, Y/N-”

“S-shut up!” you yell, your eyes widening when Josh takes a step towards you. “Stay against the wall!”

You keep your eyes on Josh as you dial 911, holding the phone against your ear as fear makes its way back into Josh’s expression.

You hear someone on the other line say something and you only take your eyes off Josh for a half a second, but he’s suddenly in front of you, the knife in his hand and you pinned back against the wall.

“I’m sorry about this.”

Josh puts his hand on your forehead and you feel pressure where his fingers are before everything slowly starts to fade. You’re legs buckle, but you barely feel yourself hit the ground as darkness surrounds you.

This isn’t how it was supposed to go.

Josh wasn’t supposed to talk to you at all. The plan was to get you alone, inject you, then do what he had to do. This was about survival.

But that’s not how it works. That’s not how he works. You came up to him and he couldn’t imagine killing you. Someone so young and innocent…you hadn’t done anything wrong.

Why can’t he just let himself die.

Not an option. He knows that.

He looks at your unconscious body and sighs, leaning down and gathering you in his arms.

The last thing he wants is for people to see him carrying an unconscious girl who is obviously younger than him in his arms, but you’re his younger sister and you’re drunk. That’s about as believable as his story is going to get. It’s also dark outside, so he has that going for him.

“Dammit,” he mutters as he looks down at you. He really screwed this up.

He starts the walk back to his apartment, looking around for anyone that could be taking a late night walk. He tries not to look down at you, but he can’t help himself. He can’t help but check your pulse every now and then to make sure you’re okay and he can’t help the bubble of fear growing in the pit of his stomach because of what he almost did to you.

He manages to keep you in his arms as he unlocks the door, although it may have been a bit uncomfortable for you if you were conscious.

Once he’s inside, he thinks about it and decides that the best thing to do is tie you to a chair. Cliche? Maybe. Effective? He wouldn’t know because he’s never been tied to a chair, but he would assume so.

He gets you tied up and sits in front of you, covering his face with his hand. The longer he stares at you, the guiltier he feels. But he’s not supposed to feel guilty about this.

He really, really screwed this up.

As you wake up, your first thought is about the insane dream you had. Your second is about Josh and how your dream was basically about him murdering you.

The third is about how much your wrists hurt.

You open your eyes and squint, trying to focus on something. Everything is blurry, but you can see that you’re not in your apartment. You try to stand, but let to a yelp when you realize you can’t move your arms and legs.

“Y/N?”

You’re still dreaming. That’s what this is. Josh-is-murdering-you-in-your-dreams part 2.

You look up and Josh is in front of you, kneeling down so that he is your height.

“Are you okay?”

“Wow, I don’t know, Josh. Yeah, I’m great. Oh, by the way, I’m totally cool with the whole murderer thing. Whatever floats your boat.”

You don’t know where your boost of confidence came from, but convincing yourself that you’re dreaming definitely helped.

“This isn’t a dream, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

Freaking psychic.

Josh tried to murder you. Or he did murder you and this is what happens right before you die. You have a lovely conversation with the person the killed you.

It makes sense, if you think about it (it doesn’t).

“I know you must be confused-”

“Let me go.”

Josh sighs and shakes his head, pulling a chair in front of you and sitting down, pursing his lips.

“I can’t.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Because then you’ll go the police, and that would be bad for both of us.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Look, I’m not going to kill you-”

At this point, Josh doesn’t know whether or not that’s true, but he needs you to calm down.

“-but you can’t call the police.”

You let out a laugh in disbelief and shake your head, struggling against your restraints.

“What do you want?”

“Nothing! Look, I wasn’t…I wasn’t thinking straight, okay? I don’t want anything from you.”

Also not true.

“You’re lying.”

Josh sighs and shakes his head, trying to find the right words to say to you. You’re obviously not going to trust him, and he doesn’t blame you. But he may get himself and you killed because he can’t get past his fear of killing someone. But, in his defense, it’s a valid fear to have.

“Just hear me out-”

“Were you stalking me? Is that why you came to the coffee shop everyday? Is that why you talked to me?”

“No…well, not exactly, but-”

“Just tell me why you’re stalking me!”

“Because I need your body!”

There was definitely a better way he could have worded that. You stare at him, confusion and fear on your face.

“What?”

“Not…not like that. I’m dying. And I need a new body to stay alive.”

“A new body? Josh, that’s not how it works, you know that right?” you say, your hands starting tremble as your fear returns.

You shake your head and try to pull your wrists free again.

“You…you’re insane-”

“I’m not…I’m not insane. I know it looks like that, but you can’t understand what’s happening. I don’t want to kill you, but I don’t have a choice. I have to kill someone, that’s how this works.”

Josh looks at you with desperation in his eyes and you sigh. He escaped from a mental hospital. That’s what happened.

“I’m not from here.”

You furrow your eyebrows.

“Yeah, that’s pretty clear. Where are you from, the hospital on the other side of town-”

“No, that’s not- that’s not what I mean. I’m not…from this planet.”

Of course the guy you have a crush on turns out to be completely insane.

“So…you’re an alien?” you say, raising your eyebrows. “Come on, Josh, if you’re going to lie, at least make it believable.”

Josh shakes his head and closes his eyes.

“You don’t understand…” he mutters. “You don’t…”

Before he can stop himself, he is walking towards you, looking you straight in the eye. He looks so determined and controlling and it scares the hell out of you.

“Josh-”

Before you can stop him (you wouldn’t have been able to anyway), he reaches towards you and you close your eyes, bracing yourself for whatever he’s going to do…but all you feel is his fingertips touching the sides of your head lightly.

Then all you see is a bright, white light and some things come into focus while others stay white, like you’re staring into the sun. But you don’t want to look away

Then there’s music. You’re not even sure it’s music…you’ve never heard anything like it. You’ve never heard anything so beautiful.

Then things start to change and you can see…people. But they aren’t exactly people, they’re more like silhouettes. Walking across the light like it’s nothing.

The light starts to take the shape of something, all of it coming together to create an orb of light, and suddenly, it erupts and spreads, small flickers of light racing towards the sky. You realize then that the lights are stars.

Everything is darker as the light fades and you see a black sky and recognize it as space…but it’s so different then all of the pictures online. It’s so beautiful…there are lights everywhere and the ground your standing on doesn’t seem like anything solid. You just feel like your floating.

Then everything fades and you’re brought back to Josh’s room, his hands holding your head and his concerned eyes meeting yours.

“What was that?” you ask breathlessly, still trying to decipher the things you’d seen. It’s like you just woke up from a dream and you can’t seem to remember the important things about it.

“You saw my planet. That’s where I’m from.”

You don’t want to. You really don’t want to. But you can’t deny that what you saw wasn’t something you could’ve experienced on earth…and you’re suddenly convinced that Josh is telling the truth.

“You were telling the truth?”

“Yeah…I’d like to say I wasn’t, I really would. But, yeah, I’m an alien.

You sit back in the chair and take a deep breath, closing your eyes as you try to remember what you experienced.

“Don’t try,” Josh says suddenly. “Trying to remember what you saw is impossible. I took a risk just showing you as much as I did. Beings from this earth don’t have the capacity to process it, much less remember it.”

“It was so beautiful…” you say, the music that was playing still in your head, but fading quickly.

“I’m sorry I almost killed you.”

Your eyes snap to Josh and you suddenly remember that you’re tied to a chair, being held at Josh’s apartment against your will.

You don’t really care as much as you did before.

“Why did you?”

“It’s a long story.”

“Well, my shift is over.”

Josh chuckles and grabs another chair, sitting in front of you with a sigh.

“We…we aren’t that different from you…in a sense. We’re more intelligent. We process things differently then you, and there’s really no way to describe it that will make sense. We…we think about things in a different way and see things from a slightly different perspective.”

He sighs and you adjust in your chair, waiting for him to continue.

“And we’re much stronger-”

“You don’t really have to tell me that, I already know.”

Josh purses his lips and looks down, the regretful look that was there before returning.

“Right…again, I’m sorry about that.”

“Why did you do it? You said you needed to…is that a part of all this?”

“It is, yeah. On my planet, we don’t have a form. We’re more of a…a hard drive waiting for a computer. Humans are those computers. We have everything that you have except a body, which is why we’re coming here. When I came to earth, the elders of my species already had bodies chosen for us. This is my first human form.

“But in order to take over someone’s mind, we have to kill them first. Then when we take over, it’s like that person wakes up with a different mind. Every organ still functions properly.”

You nod, trying to process all of this. It’s a lot for you to take in.

“But, like all humans, the bodies we take over eventually begin to die. Sure, we’re immortal, but the bodies we use aren’t. Which is why we need to…switch. That’s why I almost killed you. I needed your body to keep myself alive.”

Damn, what a jerk.

“That’s pretty messed up,” you say, although you huff out a laugh after, making him let out a breath of relief.

“Yeah, it is,” he says, “but we can’t do much in our true form. And we’ve been raised to believe that humans live to provide for us. That’s what we’re taught. But it’s hard…killing someone that has a life and a family…someone innocent. They make it sound so easy, but it’s actually painful for us because of how our minds work.”

“What do you mean?”

“We feel things more strongly then you do. Happiness, sadness, anger, envy, love, guilt. It’s all heightened. Which is what makes it so hard.”

You take a deep breath and he stares at you, waiting for you to scream or cry or demand that he release you.

“Wow,” is all you say.

The two of you sit there and he does his best not to speak first in fear of scaring you. He’s done enough damage already.

“Are you still going to kill me? Is that why you tied me up?”

Josh honestly hadn’t thought about it. He was so worried about how you would react and what he would say to you that he had completely forgotten that he’s dying.

“No,” he says immediately, “no, I’m not going to kill you. You don’t deserve that.”

You let out a breath of relief and look at him, trying not to make the mistake of saying something that will set him off. You still don’t trust him. Not by a long shot.

“Will you let me go?”

“Are you going to run?”

“I’ll think about it.”

Josh sighs and stands, going behind you and untying the rope that bound your hands.

“Alright. There, just…just don’t run. Not yet at least.”

“Okay. What do you want to say?”

“Please don’t go to the police.”

You sigh. After hearing the truth, you decided you weren’t going to. But even if you did, you’re sure that Josh could get away from the police with minimal effort.

“Fine. But I don’t want you coming near me.”

“Deal.”

You don’t see Josh for another week and you’re so angry with yourself for letting yourself miss his visits to the coffee shop.

Then you remind yourself that he almost killed you and you feel nothing about him at all.

Then the next day comes and the cycle repeats. The circle of feelings.

You’re working late one day cleaning tables and windows for a little extra cash when the door opens.

“I’m sorry, we’re closed-”

“Sh…”

You feel a hand being pressed over your mouth and your eyes widen when your see a familiar puff of yellow hair.

You back away, about to yell at him for coming back, but his wide eyes and the finger he has pressed over his lips urge you to keep your mouth shut.

“What are you doing here?” you whisper. He looks around and takes your hand, leading you back to the kitchen.

“They found out. They know that I told you about me. About my kind.”

Your eyes widen and you try to catch Josh’s eye so that he can see that you’re glaring at him, but he keeps looking towards the window, waiting for someone to come in.

“Josh,” you whisper harshly, getting his attention. “Who’s ‘they’?”

“Look, I…I know we’re from different planets, but our society isn’t as different from yours as you think. We have a government and, although they’re much harsher then yours are, we have laws. Rules everyone has to follow. And I’ve broken about four of them.”

“What?”

“Yeah, and they’re coming after me, but they’re also looking for you. The first law that was ever passed said that no human could ever find out about our kind.”

You take a sharp breath, waiting for him to finish.

“They’re coming for us, Y/N. Both of us.”

You freeze, you’re anger replaced by fear.

“Wh-what?” you ask, your voice barely above a whisper. “What do you mean? Your government…”

“My government is coming after you because you know about our kind. And…they can’t have you spreading things. Then your military will start trying to find us. Developing new technology to try and kill all of us.”

“Can you blame them? You’re using our bodies as hosts-”

“Okay, if you want to go there, think about it this way: we kill to survive. You kill for money and power. Think of all the death that has been caused by wars, by terrorism. We have never killed for those reasons.”

Wow. You hadn’t thought about it that way. And you don’t want him to be, but you know he’s right.

“Look, I know you’ve been processing this and I’ve thrown a lot on you, but you need to come with me. I can keep you away from them.”

“No…no way, I’m not going anywhere with you.”

“It’s either trust me or let them find you.”

You purse your lips, thinking through everything that he said, and all of the disappointingly good points that he made.

“What do you suggest-”

You don’t have a chance to finish your sentence. You both hear a bell, indicating that the door to the shop has opened.

Your eyes widen and you meet Josh’s gaze, trying to find something to say.

“Wait here,” he whispers to you, putting his hands on your shoulders. “Don’t move.”

You nod, watching Josh exit the kitchen, taking a knife off the counter and slipping it in his pants before he goes into the shop.

“We’re closed, sorry.”

You sink against the wall, waiting for someone to shoot an alien laser or speak some foreign language.

“I’m not here for coffee, but if that’s what you’re serving here you can go ahead and make a cup. Or she can, if you want to get her out from the back.”

You take in a sharp breath and sink to the floor, trying to make yourself as small as possible.

“If you could go get her, I’d appreciate it.”

Josh doesn’t say anything else. You hear his footsteps coming into the kitchen and he’s suddenly in front of you, his eyes full of fear and concern.

He holds his hand out and you shake your head sinking further into the corner you’ve found yourself in.

Josh kneels down to your level and puts a hand on your elbow, rubbing up and down your arm in an attempt to calm you down.

“I won’t let him hurt you. I promise, I won’t let him hurt you.”

You know that hiding in the kitchen won’t do you much good. If the man outside is like Josh, he’ll be able to get to you, in the kitchen or in the shop.

“Okay,” you whisper, your voice small with a slight tremble.

You take Josh’s hand and he helps you up, letting go of your hand to put it on the small of your back, leading you out to the shop.

“Ah, there she is,” the man says, dressed in a simple t-shirt and jeans with a baseball cap to top it off. You honestly expected a suit, but you guess cliches don’t really exist anymore.

“I’ll have a coffee. Black. I’m finding that I have a taste for the stronger stuff.”

Josh takes his hand off your back to let you go to the coffee maker, leaning against the counter to face the man.

“Joshua, you do realize that you’ve broken about four laws. There’s a harsh sentence for that.”

“I’m aware.”

“Excellent,” he says. With a shaking hand, you take the man’s cup of coffee and set it in front of him.

“Thank you,” he says, taking a sip of his coffee before he turns back to Josh.

“You’ll both have to come with me.”

You freeze and the man looks at you. You want to meet his eyes, but his hard gaze makes you glance down at the floor, focusing on a stain that was made before you started working at the shop.

“No. You take me…she stays.”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

You keep your gaze down, but you know that the man is looking at you, studying you as if you’re a textbook.

You look at Josh’s back when he moves his hand to his pants where he’s keeping the knife. Your eyes widen and you take a step back, keeping your gaze on Josh’s hand as he pulls the knife out and holds it tightly, waiting for the right moment to use it.

The man takes another sip of his coffee and sighs, looking at Josh with tired eyes.

“Joshua, you knew the consequences of your actions when you told her. You knew that you were putting her life in danger and you knew what it would lead to.”

“I did.”

Josh has raised the knife to his stomach, just below the counter.

“These are innocent people that you’re asking us to kill. Is this worth it?”

“You know that it is.”

Josh waits for the man to finish speaking before he launches across the counter, the knife pointed towards the man’s.

You let out a gasp as the man reaches for the knife, trying to keep it away from his own chest.

You back into the corner and try not to scream when Josh plunges the knife into the man’s chest, despite his best efforts to stop him.

The man looks down, his eyes wide, and does his best to take the knife out of his chest. You turn away, covering your mouth as you try not to think about the person that is dying in front of you.

Josh walks up to you and puts a hand on your shoulder.

“Y/N, we have to go.”

“You killed him…”

“There are more and they won’t be far behind.”

You find yourself in something of a daze, so you let Josh take your hand and pull you out of the shop, walking down the street quickly, looking around for anyone else that might be after you.

“We can’t go back to either of our houses. Is there anyone else we can go? Somewhere far from here?”

“My brother’s house, he won’t mind,” you mumble, almost jogging to keep up with Josh.

“Alright, we can go there. Where does he live?”

“Ohio.”

The ride to Ohio is quiet and all of the questions you had for Josh before seem irrelevant now. You didn’t put up much of a fight when Josh told you that he would have to stick with you.

“Is this going to put my brother in danger?” you ask after about an hour of silence. Josh keeps his hands tight on the steering wheel, his eyes focused on the road.

“I don’t know. We’re basically fugitives now, but we’re not going to stay there for long,” he says. “How much cash do you have?”

You grab your wallet and look through it, trying to count your bills in the dark.

“I don’t know…one hundred and fifty dollars, maybe.”

“That’s enough for now. We’ll have to stay at a hotel tonight, but we can drive for a few more hours.”

You put your wallet back and sigh, laying back in your seat.

“I’m sorry,” you barely hear Josh mutter to you as you fall asleep.

You wake up a few hours later to see Josh in front of you, his hand on your shoulder.

“We’re here, Y/N. Come on, get your money out.”

You nod and climb out of the car, rubbing your eyes and stretching. It’s still the middle of the night and you’re guessing that you’re somewhere in North Carolina.

You and Josh walk to the hotel and you pull your wallet out, Josh stepping to the side to let you do the talking.

Once you’re checked in and in the elevator, you lean against the wall and close your eyes, ignoring the fact that you can feel Josh’s gaze on you.

“Are you okay?”

You scoff at the ridiculous statement, opening your eyes and meeting Josh’s.

“No, not really,” you mutter, “I had a great life in Florida. A life that I don’t think I’m going to get back.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I really am.”

You know he means it, but it doesn’t make you any less pissed.

The elevator door opens and you both step out, walking down the hall to find your room.

“If it makes you feel any better, I’m going to do whatever I can to get you out of this.”

You nod and open the door, walking in and taking a deep breath.

It’s nice to be able to relax for the first time that day.

“I’m going to take a shower,” Josh says, walking to the bathroom with his clothes.

You turn the TV on and surf the channels, waiting for Josh to get out of the shower so you can go in too. You feel gross.

You eventually settle with re-runs of The Office.

After about fifteen minutes, Josh gets out of the shower, water from his hair dripping to the floor. He has his shirt slung over his shoulder and slipped boxers on in the bathroom and it gives you a view of his torso and wow, what the hell.

People shouldn’t be that muscular. It’s actually really unfair.

“What’s on?” he asks as he slips the shirt over his head, looking from you to the TV.

“The Office.”

Josh sits down on his bed and sighs, watching with you.

“I’m gonna take shower,” you mutter, throwing the remote to him (he catches it) and walking to the bathroom with your clothes.

You strip and turn the water on, glad it’s already warm, thanks to Josh.

Maybe, just maybe…you can turn the water on hot enough that you’ll melt and all of your problems will melt with you.

Wishful thinking.

You stand in the shower way longer then necessary, just letting the warm water run down your body. Then the water starts to get colder and the shower becomes less and less appealing.

When you’re out, you dry your hair and put on your sweatpants, slipping a t-shirt over your head.

You take a moment to stare at yourself in the mirror. People in the movies always have tired, worn out looks when they’ve been through a traumatic experience. Well, those movies are actually spot on because you look like hell.

You sigh and shake your head, running a hand through your hair. You open the bathroom door and walk out to see Josh pacing in front of his bed, a confused look on his face.

“Josh?”

He pauses and looks at you, the confusion growing.

“Are you okay?”

Before you can react, he’s walking towards you, a new found confidence in his eyes.

“Josh, what-”

He puts his hands on your waist and attaches his lips to yours, backing you into the closest wall.

Josh told you that he is more intelligent then humans. His emotions are heightened and he’s much, much stronger.

You’re beginning to think that’s not the only thing that’s different.

You’ve been kissed by a few people in your day, but Josh…it’s just different and so much better.

His lips move against yours and his hands are holding your hips tightly, as if he’s afraid you’ll slip away if he doesn’t keep a tight grip on you.

You wrap your arms around him and he takes a small step closer to you so that there is no space between the two of you. He pulls away with one last kiss to the corner of your mouth.

You meet his eyes and open your mouth, waiting for words to come out.

“This isn’t a good idea,” you say, looking down with red cheeks.

“I know it’s not.”

Then his lips are attached to yours again and you stop caring about the consequences as you kiss the hell out of the man that tried to kill you.

Yikes, when you think about it that way it seems weird.

You pull away and can’t help the chuckle that escapes you, meeting Josh’s eyes to see a sheepish smile on his face.

He pulls you against him and you wrap your arms tighter around him, resting your head on his chest.

His gives great hugs, too.

“I’m sorry I tried to kill you…then made you a fugitive.”

You laugh at that. Isn’t that what every girl wants to hear after their first kiss?

“It’s okay. Still pretty pissed, but I think I can get over it.”

Josh smiles at you, but lets a sigh escape him.

“They’re gonna come after you. There’s not much I can do to stop that.”

You purse your lips and let fear trickle into your thoughts again, red lights flashing in your mind, telling you that getting involved with Josh is a bad idea.

And it is, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t going to do it.

“But I’ll stay with you. We can take care of each other.”

You wake up the next morning to the sound of coughing in the bathroom.

“Josh?”

He is standing in the bathroom, gripping the sink as he coughs over it, spitting every now and then.

“Are you okay?”

Josh shakes his head and you walk closer to him, letting out a gasp when you see blood in the sink.

“I’m dying, remember?” he informs you with a humorless chuckle. “I need a new body. I’ve already gone on too long with out a new one.”

You stand there for a second, looking at Josh with a concerned expression. You have to say, you don’t love the idea of being on the run with a killer, but you don’t really have a choice at this point.

“What are you going to do?” you ask quietly.

“I have to go get a new body. I won’t be able to help you if I’m dead.”

You nod, putting a hand on Josh’s back when he starts coughing again.

“Come here,” he says hoarsely, walking out of the bathroom to his suitcase.

He reaches to the bottom and pulls out a small case, unzipping it and opening it to reveal a gun.

Your eyes widen and you back away a step, watching as Josh pulls it out and hands it to you.

“Take it. You need to be able to defend yourself if they come when I’m gone. I’m not saying that’s going to happen, but you need to be ready for anything, at this point.”

You nod, taking the gun with a slight tremble in your hand.

“Here’s the safety, keep it on unless anything happens. If anyone breaks in, turn the safety off, point it at them, and pull the trigger. Easy peasy.”

“Right…easy peasy.”

Josh nods and heads to the door.

“So this is the last time I’ll see this body?”

Josh nods, smiling at you.

“It’ll still be me. I’ll just look different.”

“Alright. Just…be careful.”

Josh gives you a small smile and puts his arms around your waist.

“I’m always careful.”

You roll your eyes, pressing your lips to his. He pulls away and sighs, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear.

“I’ll be back.”

You don’t move from the bed the entire time Josh is gone. You keep the TV on in an attempt to distract yourself, but your thoughts keep straying to Josh and aliens and your old life. You suddenly remember that you never told anyone that you were leaving.

Oh well.

Before you can think about it any further, you hear footsteps outside the door and stand, keeping the gun in your hand as you switch the safety off.

“Y/N, stand down, it’s me.”

You’re caught off guard by the voice, just a bit higher than Josh’s with a different sound.

He walks in with his hands up and you put the gun down, taking a moment to study his new body.

“Josh?”

“Actually…it’s Tyler now.”

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