#shit that my mum thinks I’m to blame for everything

[lixieisgod]

𝐺𝑌𝐴𝐿 𝑌𝑂𝑈 𝐴 𝑊𝐴𝐿𝐾𝐼𝑁𝐺 𝑻𝑹𝑶𝑷𝑯𝒀 # !

𝑛𝑜𝑡𝑒𝑠⤷ there is like zero Caribbean representation in fics so you know ya girl has try to fix that shit. Caribbean girls on top🕺🏽 so it’s not right that we ain’t got shit. please reblog and lmk if y’all like this.

𝑠𝑦𝑛𝑜𝑝𝑠𝑖𝑠⤷ 𝐸𝑟𝑒𝑛 𝑌𝑒𝑎𝑔𝑒𝑟 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑎 𝐶𝑎𝑟𝑖𝑏𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑛 𝑔𝑖𝑟𝑙𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑. 𝐸𝑟𝑒𝑛 𝑌𝑒𝑎𝑔𝑒𝑟 𝑥 𝐶𝑎𝑟𝑖𝑏𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑛! 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟

since the night you and eren met at a party you’ve basically been inseparable since. you two have been together for a while now and it’s safe to say you guys are the IT couple.

lmfaoo at first when your friends would catch you simping they’d be like “what happens to gazah forever” and start laughing. But they mean well it’s all jokes they like seeing you and eren so happy with each other.

a few people thought it wouldn’t last that long, thinking he wouldn’t be able to handle you. BUT BABYY were there wrong ! you two have a good balance in your relationship, your energies align so well.

there’s no getting between you two. “my man tie me, I’m on him badd”

you were a little nervous at fist to let him meet your family, you know they can be a little judgmental sometimes but you weren’t too worried. Everything went really good when he met the fam. Your male relatives were a bit over protective but you can’t blame them too much, you’ll always be their baby.

At the family events he eats his weight in food lmfaoo. He’s a big fan of rotis, jerk chicken with white rice, green bananas and salt fish, as well as chutney. It melted your heart to see him enjoying traditional foods.

this man lives to see you dance, from the first grind he got at that party, he’s been hooked since. He’s actually got really good rhythm. So he’s great at any party, whether it’s holding onto your waist slow dancing with you singing the lyrics “ gyal, mi wan’ if hold yuh put me arms right around yuh” in his ear.

this one time you brought him to a family gathering and he danced western with the older ladies of the family, your grandma love him sm, he even calls her ma or mum.

this man can really turn tf up. like REALLY turn TF up. for example when you two are at a Bacchanal all his composure flies out the widow. But he never lets other girls try to dance with him and you do the same when it comes to other men.

lemme tell youuu, there’s a video of you two dirty dancing to vybez kartel at the fette. that shit was wildd like giving him mad fast wine and him positioning you with his hands on your lower back watching your movements

He loves when you make him breakfast, his favorite thing that you make him is fried bakes and cocoa tea. It’s like his comfort food at this point.

he loves hearing all the folklore stories, they’re so fascinating to him. he was low-key kinda scared when you told him you’d send a dupply after him as a joke.

He likes trying Caribbean snacks, he likes half frozen chubby and icelollies.

A DOMINOS FIEND !! your uncles and him were playing together and that shit was heateddd. He smacks the dominos hard asll lmfao. Your uncles lowkey started respecting him more after he won a few games.

He lovesss playing football in the rain with your cousins. your grandma puts oil in the middle of the head to make sure he doesn’t get sick.

LATE NIGHT DRIVES ARE A VIBEE. The two of you have this long ass playlist that you guys bump while driving in the middle of the night with the roof down.

Play from 0:45 before reading next slide

it’s the middle of the night and the two of you are speeding through the mostly empty streets with cold Heineken’s screaming the lyrics to the songs in you guy’s playlists. “ LONGING FOR MY BABY TO LOVE ME MOREE, WHAT AM I LONGING FOR? BABYLON RELEASE THE CURE” !

he sings you all of the old school love songs

he loves and appreciates you so freaking much, you’re the best thing in his life, and he lets everyone know it. you two are such a good couple.

© 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟯 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝗼 𝐥𝐢𝐱𝐢𝐞𝐢𝐬𝐠𝗼𝐝. 𝐂𝗼𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐬𝐡𝗼𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐧𝗼𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝗼𝐥𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐮𝐭 𝗼𝐧 𝗼𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐟𝗼𝐫𝗺𝐬.

#lixieisgod🪐 #lixie’s astroworld👩🏽‍🎤🪐 #attack on titan #eren x reader #eren x black reader #eren x caribbean reader #caribbean reader hcs #aot hcs #eren x y/n #eren aot #eren yeager x black reader #eren yeager #aot x black reader #eren yeager x y/n #x black reader #attack on titan x black reader #eren jeager x reader #eren yeager smut #eren fluff #eren headcanons #eren hcs #aot headcanons #aot college au #aot fandom #eren x fem!reader #eren x female reader #Spotify #attack on titan eren #eren fluffy hcs

[witchofimber]

trick or treat 🎃❤️‍🔥

One week after Lily and James broke up – tears, shouting, broken crockery – and six days after Remus walked away from Sirius for the last time – no tears, because nothing they did counted, right? - Sirius opened his door at a horrific half-past seven on a Saturday morning and found Lily, wan and haggard, leaning against his doorbell.

“Dorcas and Marlene only have a sofa and have really loud sex,” she said. “And Mary’s still living with her parents, and my family are – it doesn’t matter, but look, I understand if this is going to break your sacred vows of friendship with James, but - “

“I’m too hungover for this,” said Sirius. “The rents about two pounds eighty, but nothing works.”

“Aren’t you rich?”

“I’m living in bohemian squalor.”

Lily scrunched up her face, possibly catching a whiff of the kitchen. “Is it going to ruin your aesthetic if I fix shit?”

“Please. Do whatever the fuck you like.”

Sirius wouldn’t describe himself as mad at James, exactly.

You couldn’t be mad at James – no, plenty of people could be mad at James, but Sirius couldn’t. Vaguely irritated? Currently blaming most of his life problems on him? Enjoying watching him squirm? Yes to all three. But never anger, not really, which was why he was in The Pickled Stag (terrible pub, chosen purely for the name), signalling the barman for another and saying, “Are you really going to be grouchy because I didn’t let your ex be literally homeless? She’s my friend too.”

“I just think,” said James, “that, given the situation, it really would have been kinder of her to move to Bali.”

“Terrible choice, she’d burn in an instant,” said Remus. “Sweden. Iceland. Those are more Lily-appropriate places.”

“She can’t go anywhere cold, she can’t ski.” James picked up his shot glass, downed it in one, stared mournfully into the depths and then said, tearfully, “I was going to teach her to ski.”

“You can teach me,” said Peter.

“There you go,” said Sirius. “Pete is basically just Lily with worse hair.”

James, on the edge of a sob, said, “Pete, I’ve already taught you to ski five times. You cannot be taught.”

Remus was leaning over the bar, rapidly ordering enough shots to kill an elephant. His horrible trousers were stretched over his decidedly un-horrible arse. Sirius had to fire himself into the sun. He could not, could not, lust over a man in khaki slacks. A man who – dear god – was requesting Nanci Griffith on the tunes.

“Are you serious?” said Sirius.

“I thought that was - “ said Pete.

“Don’t,” said Remus, shaking out his hair. “My mum likes her, ok? It’s soothing music.”

“It’s the sad and sexless wail of the perma-virgin,” said Sirius.

“Not everything has to be about sex,” said Remus testily. “Sometimes things can just be nice, all right?”

“Who wants nice?” said Sirius, aware that he was stumbling into danger but slightly too drunk to stop. “I mean, give me passion any day.”

“Love is a lie,” mumbled James.

Sirius pointed at him. “See? He gets it.” He was grinding salt in the wound, deliberately nasty now. “No love for James. He doesn’t love anyone.”

“I love Lily.”

“He loves Lily,” said Sirius, gleeful.

Remus curled his lip. “The speed and consistency with which you manage to miss the point is genuinely astonishing. Prop James up, I’m going for a piss.”

“Merlin,” said Pete, looking between Remus’s back and Sirius. “What’s up with you?”

“There’s a monastery in St Bartelomo’s,” said James. “Very beautiful view. Lots of sea.”

“Fascinating,” said Sirius, with an intense premonition of dread. He pushed another shot towards James.

“The monks take a vow of silence.”

“Probably not for you, then.”

“What’s the point of speaking if I can’t say anything to her?”

“Human communication. Discussing the weather. Buying booze.”

“The monks of St Bartelomo’s brew their own wine.”

“Do they drink it?” said Pete.

James waveringly raised his glass and studied the irridiscent depths of his sambuca. “Perhaps further study is needed.”

“Perhaps,” said Sirius. “You’d make a shit monk, though.”

“If I can’t have her, perhaps God will comfort me,” said James, and then promptly threw up on his shoes.

[fan-a-tink]

Young Royals S3 thoughts

EP 1

First word of the season is crown prince.

The queen is ill. taking pills. Simply depressed or something else too? 

„Was this how you imagined it would be?“ „No, this is better.“ My heart.

Settling the video issue outside the courts. Simon just wants it to be over - Linda why are you not listening to your son?

Fuck you Rickard for telling everyone about Simon and the drug thing anyway. That was so unnecessary!

And then they all just signed anyway?

The queen having a breakdown scares the shit out of me. Wille is going to have to take over so soon, and the responsibility will be the death of him and Simon.

Madison is the only one seeing that something is actually wrong with Felice, and she’s trying to be such a good friend. 

Farima seems cool!

Simon grounded. wtf, I don’t like it. And it’s not exactly his fault he didn’t tell Linda about everything that was going on - like she has to take some blame there too.

Vincent you fucking idiot. I hate you. You don’t get to blame Wille for this. And don’t you DARE talk to a reporter.

That kiss, in the library, and everyone going absolutely quiet - AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

Crown prince.. and your boyfriend! - AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

I’m not sure they are really listening to each other, actually. Please guys, no more miscommunication!

YES, Wille!!! Show off your boyfriend and shut down their reactions with that look of ‚that’s my boyfriend, and if anyone has a problem with that, they have a problem with me!“

Fucking hate Vincent. „You and Wilhelm can sit together on the bus out to the slums.“ Fuck you Vincent. - Also, is it bad that I think August actually handled that situation really well?

Sara, my love - do you need a hug? 

That heart on the hand is a heartstopper reference, and no one will ever convince me otherwise!

So Marcus talked about Simon to the press. As if we needed any confirmation that he was a dickhead. Good riddance.

Simon don’t respond to the tweets!!!!

Foolish. But brave. - Yes, that sums up Wille pretty well :)

Wille saying „I wish I could ask him“ about Erik breaks my heart. Look at his eyes when he says it! There is so much grief which he has not processed at all. 

Sara going to Micke. I love that he takes her in, but also, she should really talk to someone else, not rekindle the extremely strained / non-existent relationship with her dad which was so traumatic to her! Saraaaaaaaa, please talk to your mum, or a therapist. Anyone!

Wille waking up peacefully smiling and redrawing the heart on his hand. This is joy. 

Ok that initiation shit sounds traumatizing as hell - who the fuck thought that would be a good idea? 

And no, Vincent, shut the fuck up, you don’t get to blame Wille for any of this!!!! Just fuck right off!

Did Simon keep that seat for Wille? 🥰

Simon’s expression at ‚Is it true? Did it happen to you?‘ And ‚what about the other stuff?‘ - just not able to comprehend how Wille could have done any of it. Ohhh, I smell drama on the horizon, and I don’t like it.

I love that them hearing about the restrictions makes them hold hands even tighter. I love that they can just do that now, in public, in school, in front of everyone. Still not over it. 

The new principal’s smile gives me serial killer vibes.

Aaaaahhhhh, I’m not ready for the drama, I’m not ready for the discussions, the tensions, the secrets, for any of it!!! I’m scared to keep going, because I don’t want them to have to go through any of it - haven’t they suffered enough? Haven’t we suffered enough? 

#young royals #young royals season 3 #yr s3 spoilers #young royals s3 #yr s3 #yr spoilers

[tornoleander]

Wytyaa Songs Speculation

(Someone sent an ask for Skybound Fic recommendations I’m working on compiling list shall be posted soon :D )

This post is my When you think you’re all alone Official speculating! Mostly Guessing.

(Don’t tell everything though but hints 👉👈. Or where I’m right) @mondothebombo

General:

Lion man- Locked away

Jaya Drama: Be like you-Be alright

Better off without me: Guessing when kidnapped?

Time on Misfortunes Keep Till Rescue:

Come home-Broken

A lot is unsure here because some could be from events he doesn’t remember so his timeline is unclear.

Maybe one has to do with Camile almost killing him?

Let ‘em go: gives many of the feels I wanna say it’s when Jay was thinking about his friends for a long while

Cry baby: I think this is when Those fuckers got him alone for the first time. Or just general being awful.

Ship in a bottle: Djnn transform into friends moment? Maybe suggestive in leading to next songs?

Panic attack&Panic Room Two panic songs Jay said he had “a few” panic attacks on the ship I don’t think we saw them. There’s a flashback where Nadakhan has jay alone when him and the ninja replacements are heading to the castle. We don’t see the end It’s very concerning. I’d place it here.

Body:

It happened.

Tag your it: Those hellspawn attempting shit before Jay was rescued

Broken: Cole: walks in quarters “JaY yoU’re oK” Jay: Dead on the floor

Blame: Jay it’s not your fault! -message ignored.

Though some of the lines are a bit harsh in this song. It’s funny to imagine Cole just “Stop bitching an whining and get on your feet” lol

Not a kid anymore: maybe the escape.

Nightmares: Lighthouse time?

Lighthouse recovery Time:

Soon you’ll get better-You’re on your own kid

Some good comfort and they’re in Love I GET IT. Lol

@tommysm0ondust You were right Forever Winter is a great fitting song.

“To young to know it gets better”

Please :’)

Here comes a thought: The go to comfort song :D

Arms: so sweet :3

July: UGH I must know the back story here.

Burning: FEeLS

You’re on your own, Kid: Dang lighthouse is under attack.

Parents house:

Mum-Never love an anchor

My tears ricocheted&Outrunning Karma: Ninja replacement time>:)

Waiting for Superman: Nya :P

Home: NINJAS BACK

Atlantis: wedding crashing

Already gone: RIP NYA dead as hell

This is what losing someone feels like: Nya continues to be dead

Safe& sound: Nya decides to stop being dead

THAT’S all for this post I’m going to do Epilogue guessing later. And after that my conspiracy theories >:)

#ninjago #ninjago skybound #ninjago jay #ninjago angst #ninjago nadakhan #ninjago thoughts #lego ninjago #ninjago ninja #ninjago nya #ninjago fanfiction #when you think you're all alone #wytyaa #Oli’s Skybound insanity

[pinkandpurple360]

Rewriting the Seeing Stars ending to be less disgusting and victim blamey (Loona and Vias conversation) 💜🤍

Via: Oh yeah he cares so much that’s why you’re here instead of him he couldn’t be bothered to show up himself. He’s too busy screaming at my mum. Why does he hate her more than he loves me?

Loona: (Sigh) Kid, I’m so sorry he’s not here. I don’t know what’s going on for you but I can see it’s hard. It’s shitty and it’s unfair to get dragged in to grown ups bull shit. I really thought he’d be here by now, he even came to the human world with us after…threatening my dad. I wasn’t really scared of him but it seems like he was blaming us instead of himself. And he just ran off when my dad was taken away somewhere even though he can fucking handle himself. Now that I think about it, me and my dad have been doing ALL the work to find y—shit I’m not helping am I? Fuck sorry this is just, kinda hard. It’s not really my business but you clearly need help. Has he, ever taken account for anything he’s done?

Via, head buried in her hands: Oh what like taken the blame? Without crying or making it about himself? Not really. He usually waits until me or mum are screaming at him before he bothers paying attention to how anybody else feels. And wow big surprise there chasing your dad around and making the little people do all his dirty work through intimidation. And he has the nerve to cry about his own mistreatment. He’s the most powerful figure in the house for fuck sake. S-Sorry I didn’t mean to swear…

Loona: Damn that’s annoying. And babe I think you’ve earned a curse or two. There’s nothing worse than people ignoring your feelings. ESPECIALLY when you’re a kid. You just get labelled as having an “attitude problem” And then they have the nerve to act all shocked when you finally snap?

Via, laughing: Yep! “Wow sweetie I didn’t realise you actually meant it when you said you were upset at me twenty times!” Maybe he’ll start giving me anger management. Even though as you’ve seen, his temper is the real scary shit. Nothing compared to my mom or me.

Loona: Yeesh! He’s never…you know, hurt you or your mom righ—

Via: Oh Satan no. Thankfully not. He’s too much of a wimp. He just attacks the imps instead.

Loona: Wow, sounds like a fuckin coward if you ask me.

Via, uncomfortable: They…both do it. I just try to ignore it but…it’s just confusing how some imps are people to him and some are just..toys. Honestly, my mums the one who lets herself go too far. Shes been pissed about the affair but it’s no excuse to try and smack somebody. I just wish she’d fucking apologise once, that either of them would fucking apologise. But, not a bit of me is scared of either of my parents in..that sense. My uncle is really creepy though…and nobody notices.

Loona, scared for her: Wait WHAT?? That sounds like a problem—

Via: It’s just how he is I guess? I mean..he treats women the same way my dad treats yours. So I guess it’s normal to me.

Loona: Honey…you and I both know it’s not. You need to tell an adult about this stuff. I..I don’t like thinking of my dad as some kind of victim. He’d tell me if he felt like one. Honestly it’s probably just some sort of disgusting..public kink play or something. Shit!! I shouldn’t be talking like this to a kid?! I’m so fucking sorry forget I said that.

Via, chuckling: It’s fine, my dad does it all the time I pretty much know everything about that stuff.

Loona, disgusted: What? Via…that is not ok.

Via: it’s just how he is…

Loona: Look…Im not an expert on this and I really think you should talk to somebody. Im not exactly big sister material I’ve got my own baggage…a LOT of baggage to deal with. But if you need someone to talk to, another girl, I’ll be here. And I can help you find some sense of identity that isn’t so…indebted to your dad all the time.

Later when their fathers are back.

Blitzø: Via! Thank Satan. And Loonie! Oh Loonie sweetie thank you for finding her I’m so sorry about that stupid acting bullshit I’ll never replace you I could never—(he flinches when she moves)

Loona, hesitantly but slowly hugs him: Dad…I’m sorry…I (tearful) I just can’t stop getting angry. I hate the desk job. But I hate failing more. I don’t think I can do it, I just, I’m so angry and I keep hurting you…I hate everybody but mostly I—

Blitzø, saddened but worried: You hate…yourself? I don’t know how anyone could hate someone like you Loonie. If it’s that important, I won’t..force you to do it anymore..I’ll miss you at the office though..try out cafe work or something (sigh) meet people your own age..I know now how weird it is for your dad to be your boss too..I guess it’s always just been normal for me. You aren’t a failure this is your first job and you tried it out. I love you Loonie. I’m proud of you.

Loona: I love you too dad. (She pulls back because physical contact is difficult for her she pats his shoulder instead)

Stolas watching them tearfully: Oh Blitzy you’re such a darling…Via, I’m so glad you’re ok, I know how sorry you are darling let’s get home and—

Via: How sorry I am?? Me??? After you fucking ignored me twice in one day for this stupid—-

Stolas: LANGUAGE!! I will not have you becoming like your B-I-t-c-h mother. Apologise to Blitzy and I, and we will be on our way. If we leave early the just the two of us-and my Blitzy of course—can watch Azathoths Tears together!

Via, tearful: I’m..sorry everyone…

Stolas smiles sweetly: See that wasn’t so hard! Ohohoho look! Fireworks! (Clapping)

Everyone just sortve awkwardly pretends they’ve never seen fireworks before to make the owl man happy.

#helluva boss #scene rewriting #seeing stars #tw abuse #tw toxic families

[watmalik]

Drake Bell's father was victim

Hey anon!

Yes. That’s why I said “some parents” in my og post regarding the issue. I didn’t explicitly said who exactly I was referring to, but I definitely meant to say Drake’s mother. I didn’t want to go out and blame someone bc it’s traumatic for everyone, but sometimes you have to point out when someone royally fucks up, so people learn and don’t replicate unconsciously this type of behavior. And his mother did, unfortunately, was not aware of the signs even though they were there.

It didn’t matter if Peck was someone she thought she knew or worked with other children. Drake’s father literally warned her about him, yet she dismissed him. And allowed for her 14/15 year old kid to stay with a 41 year old man just because it was more “convenient” than driving one hour for auditions.

If she couldn’t drive him herself or someone she genuinely have known and actually has spent enough time with that adult to trust them with her child (example; a best friend/direct cousin/other close family etc) then she should’ve said: he’s not going. That’s why I mention, he might’ve resent her or tell her he hates her, if she might have not agreed with him, but that’s the thing a common teen will say when things don’t go their way. That perhaps, at least he would’ve been saved. And when they’re old enough they can look back at it, and when they’re outside of the bubble that is childhood, he would’ve thanked his mother for protecting him.

Parents need to be authoritative and should never agree with everything their child says, do not agree just on the purpose to agree with them but always analyze what they ask you or what they do. Because although they might not think this, you are the adult/parent and you know the bad shit that happens on this world. I’m on my early 20’s and I can assure you if I look back in life and see outside the bubble I was in, and see those truths our parents protected us from, on my own? I’m either mesmerized and/or horrified on what a dystopian, horrible type of world we live in, anon, that at times can be good…as fucked up that may sound… that’s the life we live in.

But going back to the main topic, that man doesn’t even have kids of his own, and it’s not even family to them, how and why would you let your kid stay with someone like that? She should’ve been more present for Drake, she might have been there physically for him (at times) but mentally? I’m afraid she didn’t connect the dots soon enough. She didn’t wear her parent goggles (as my dad calls them)

Drake’s girlfriend’s mother at the time literally find out 6 seconds after being in the same house as him and her daughter, where she noticed he wouldn’t answer his phone. She was there, really there, and pulled him aside and talked to him. That’s how a parent should act 🤷🏽‍♀️

Again I don’t want to blame Drake’s mum but we must understand that she def fucked up so things like this don’t continue to happen

#anon #quite on set ask #tw: sa mention #man im not even religious no more but I pray for his dad and for drake #and i cry for them in hopes that one day they can find peace #whatever that may be

[mollyhw14]

🌻 My Favourite Part 🌻 pt 1

Ateez San Au: idol x reader

Warning ❗️ explicit language, mentions of sex

Today was the day. The day I started my travels to Seoul to visit my childhood friend. Yeji had been living in Korea for a year now, having moved back with her family after finishing her studies here in the UK. We’d been planning this trip for a while now, and I couldn’t contain the excitement I had for the next month I was away. Yeji had bought us both tickets to see Ateez whilst I was visiting as a surprise birthday present, and I couldn’t wait to hug the shit out of her for it.

“Ivy have you finished packing? We need to leave soon!”

Sighing, I grabbed the packed suitcase and made my way down the stairs. I’d attempted to pack for the month, but the suitcase unfortunately didn’t fit everything in so I’d have to do some shopping once I got to Seoul. I text Yeji to let her know that we were setting off for the airport, and got into the car whilst my mum put the suitcase in the boot.

“Are you excited for your travels?” My dad glanced at me through the car mirror, a nervous look etched on to his face.

“I am, I can’t wait to see my Yeji again!”

“I want you to make sure you stay sensible whilst you’re over there, don’t be wondering off at that concert with strangers.” My dad gave me a stern look and I laughed, my mum joining in too.

“Dad I’m 21, I can handle myself don’t worry.”

“Yes and you still haven’t moved out yet.”

The comment had my mum chuckling even more whilst I responded with an eye roll.

The journey to the airport took forty minutes, deciding against sleep, I checked my phone, scrolling through Instagram and Twitter at the recent updates. Ateez had held their final European concert in London the previous night. This was before they flew back to Seoul for the last concert of the World Tour, and as much as I’d have liked to have gone to London, I couldn’t afford the tickets so Yeji’s gift was a dream come true. We’d be seeing the final show.

Every update I scrolled past was San. Choi San was everywhere, and I couldn’t blame the fans. They’d performed I’m the One and fans were going wild at the return of the very much loved song. The previous concerts they’d performed had been very much PG, but looking at the London show I could completely understand why everyone was blowing up Twitter. The video showed San slowly and directly going up to a fan filming whilst he performed his famous part. However to everyones holy eyes, he had clearly made a hand signal pointing towards his dick before suggestively dancing his part with that stupid smirk on his face. A sexy sight for all eyes. He was ethereal, and he knew it.

Tearing my eyes from the beautiful view I had on my phone, I looked out the window to see that we’d arrived at the airport. Not wanting to wait much longer, I said fair well to my parents and ran with my suitcase from the car park- not without a “don’t run you’ll fall” comment from my dad. I was too excited to even think about that.

-

-

-

After what felt like the longest 2 hours, I had finally made it through security to the gates. Plopping down onto the seats, I got out my AirPods to listen to some music, having only 10 minutes before boarding. From a distance I could make out a group of girls giggling to themselves which I found odd, but not giving it much thought I kept my head down until my gate was called.

Not much later, gate 9 was called and I found myself walking onto the plane to find my seat. From what I’d seen on my boarding pass, I was at the back of the plane, situated at the window with another person next to me, which I wasn’t too bothered by as I had brought my drawing pad to keep me occupied.

Having found my seat, luckily the other person hadn’t arrived yet which gave me some time to get comfortable and put my seat belt on. I kept my AirPods in, blasting out Ateez Bouncy to distract myself from the take off. After a few minutes, I felt a presence sit down in the seat next to me and I took a quick glance towards the figure before glancing back to the window. The figure looked to be a young male, but I couldn’t get a precise look as he had a cap on covering the majority of his face. He had been looking down at his phone, so I took it as not the sociable type. Luckily I didn’t mind that as I usually found talking to strangers quite hard- embarrassing myself every time.

-

-

-

After take off, the pilot announced that we could take our seat belts off, giving me the okay to get out my drawing pad. Pulling out the small tray attached to the plane seat, I propped up my phone with a photo of Yeji and I which we had last taken, and opened the pad to my half completed drawing of the photo. Yeji had requested that I drew it as a present for letting me stay at her place for the month, so I couldn’t really complain about it. Getting carried away, I didn’t realise I had zoned out for the past couple of hours, until I felt a light tap on my shoulder. Pulling out my earphone, I paused my music and looked at the guy to my left.

“The lady wants to know if you would like a drink.” A rough voice spoke, the male keeping his head down, still looking at his phone. I glanced up, spotting the flight attendant smiling in my direction with the drink trolley in hand.

“Oh sorry, yes can I have a Pepsi please.”

Having to lean over to grab the drink, the male leaned back, allowing me to get a quick glance at his face. I almost did a double take, nearly dropping my Pepsi in the action. The cat-like eyes, sharp nose and extremely clear skin looked familiar- if not too familiar to a certain idol I’d been looking at over an hour ago on my phone. Convincing myself that it most definitely must be a doppelgänger, I quickly retreated to my seat and got back to my drawing.

No way was that who I thought it was. I don’t want to look again, what if he thinks I’m a creep.

A forced cough interrupted my thoughts, and I titled my head to look at the male next to me, who I’m guessing was trying to get my attention. Keeping his head low, he spoke in a low whisper.

“You know you’re music is quite loud?”

I looked at my phone embarrassed, had my music interrupted whatever he was doing?

“I’m sorry, did it disturb you? I’ll turn it down.” I felt bad for the guy, he might’ve been trying to sleep and there I was blasting music into my eardrums, forgetting other people can hear.

After a couple minutes of silence, with no reply in return, I took that as a sign to get back to my drawing. However before I could, he spoke again.

“So… you like Ateez?”

Shit, could he hear the lyrics too? He must’ve done to be able to know who I was listening to.

“Yeh I do, do you listen to them?” I asked, looking up at the male, I was curious and suspicious as to why he’d suddenly brought up my choice of music.

“I do, you could say I’m quite familiar with their music.”

It was then that he finally looked up…

I had never wanted the ground to swallow me up more than I did in that exact moment.

It was Choi fucking San.

The same eyes, nose and the same beautiful fucking freckles that scattered on his neck. I was in deep shit, he’d caught me red handed listening to his music and now he was going to think that I was an obsessive fan girl.

He chuckled at my lack of response, and I realised then that I had been staring at his face.

“I can see.” My voice came out scratched, and I coughed to clear it, turning to look anywhere but at him- face red with embarrassment.

I noticed he chuckled again, leaning back in his seat.

“What’s you’re name?” His low voice caught me off guard and I realised he was still speaking to me. I glanced at him again, his full attention was directed at me and knew there was no way of getting out of this one. Of course luck wasn’t on my side today.

“Ivy, and yours?”

I stopped myself, why did I ask that, he’s going to think you’re an idiot.

“I’m San but I’m guessing you already knew that.” He smiled, and I felt like I melted right there and then. His dimples were even cuter than on a phone screen.

“Yeah, maybe just a little bit.”

I glanced towards the front of the plane, feeling myself getting flustered under his stare.

“A little bit? You weren’t saying that when you were singing under your breathe to our song.”

My head almost flew off it’s neck as I whipped to look at San, gawping like a fish and eyes wide.

“You heard that!” I nearly screamed, but then had to quickly apologise to passengers on the other side of the plane that were sending me death glares for interrupting their quiet time.

“You heard that?” I repeated, speaking a lot more quieter. I could feel my cheeks getting warm with the amount of embarrassment I had brought on myself.

San flashed me a cheeky grin and leaned back, taking in my horrified state.

“Maybe a little bit.” He chuckled again, and I sighed putting my head in my hands.

“ Shit, I’m so sorry” I mumbled into my hands.

“Don’t be, always nice to meet a fan.”

He laughed and I glanced up at his perfectly sculptured face.

“I swear I’m not a weird fan, I genuinely didn’t realise you’d be on this plane-”

“You don’t need to explain yourself, we don’t usually sit separately but there was no other seats left when we booked the flights so it’s not your fault.” He smiled warmly at me, and it eased my nerves a little.

Then it hit you, and you gasped. They were all here.

“Yes we are.” San laughed. Oh my gosh did I say that out loud?

“Yes you did.” At this point he was full belly laughing, and I was back to feeling embarrassed at myself.

I gave the plane a scan and there, low and behold, two rows in front were Yunho and Wooyoung chatting amongst themselves. On the other side of the plane were Mingi and Seonghwa asleep; the rest must’ve been behind you both as they weren’t in sight.

“Did you come to the London concert?” San questioned, and I drew my attention back to him.

He was smiling towards you, finding it cute how you looked nervous seeing his members.

“No I didn’t unfortunately, I couldn’t afford it.”

“That’s a shame, you missed out.” He smirked and I felt myself getting flustered.

“I saw the videos, it looked amazing! I’m coming to the Seoul concert- early birthday present.” I tried to not to sound like a hard core fan girl, but it was pretty hard when Choi fucking San was asking me if I came to his concert.

“Oh really? How long are you in Seoul for?” He leaned forward, resting his head on his hand. He was too close now, so close I could smell the expensive cologne he was wearing.

“I’m there for a month, visiting a childhood friend.” I flashed him a smile and he smiled back. San pulled back, allowing myself to exhale the breath that I didn't know I was holding. Not really knowing what to do with myself, as I was very much overwhelmed with the man sat right next to me, I turned to proceed with my drawing and contain my inner fan girl, but I was taken aback when he asked the question that I had hoped he wouldn’t ask.

“So… what’s your very song Ivy?” My name rolled of his tongue so beautifully and I felt like I’d pass out from how hot it sounded.

“I’m The One.” I replied with all the confidence I could muster, looking him straight in the eye.

San smirked, he fucking smirked and I knew exactly what he was going to question me with next.

“How come? If I may ask.”

My prediction was correct. My mind flew back to the previous videos I’d been watching on Twitter. If I wasn’t already flustered before, I definitely was now, I could feel my cheeks growing warm and I could sense that San had spotted them from how his smirk seemed to get visibly bigger.

“ I love the chorus…” I hesitated. I wasn’t just going to out right tell him that the main reason was because I thought his voice sounded hot as fuck, oh and his body too.

After what felt like a hot minute, San leaned forward, this time our shoulders were touching, his face mere inches from my own. I could feel his breath fanning the side of my face, as his lips neared my ear.

“I see, of course that’s it… but your face says otherwise love.” He whispered into my ear.

My breath hitched, eyes wide, as he pulled away. By this point his smirk might as well have been permanently etched on to his face, and I was left with second hand embarrassment. He definitely knew exactly what was running through my head, and I tried to look at anything but Choi San.

“Please fasten your seat belts as we prepare for landing.” The pilots voice boomed through the intercom and I let out another breathe that I didn’t realise I was holding. My prayers had been answered, I felt like I was suffocating with San next to me, he was the definition of perfect and I couldn’t deal with anymore embarrassment on my end.

“Don’t worry I’ll stop teasing.” San laughed, I glanced in his direction to see him giving me an eye smile. The complete opposite of the San that just had me all flustered over a song.

“It’d be very much appreciated.” Smiling back at him, I moved to watch the landing out the window, getting excited as I remember I’d be seeing Yeji soon and I could tell her all about my plane ride.

-

-

-

“We have now landed in Seoul, have a nice stay.” The pilot announced, and everyone got up to collect their bags and head off the plane.

San got up first, grabbing his carry on and looking for his members. I noticed he had spotted the ones up a head, waving for them to get off first.

Before I could stand up to grab my own bags, San turned to face me, a smile planted on his lips.

“It was nice chatting to you Ivy, it felt nice actually speaking to a fan that didn’t constantly ask me for an autograph-” he paused, looking down and giving a small chuckle. When he looked back up however, he smirked for the final time, looking me dead in the eyes.

“I’ll see you at the concert… I’ll make sure my part of I’m the One is extra special for you… after all that is your favourite part.”

Giving me a wink, he turned and walked away, leaving me breathless and speechless. That did indeed confirm that he knew exactly why that song was my favourite. Choi fucking San, you’re going to literally give me a heart attack.

#san #choi san #san choi #kpop #kpop au #kpop fanfic #san au #Choi san au #Ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez san #idol #idol au #idol x reader #idol x no idol

[museinspo]

sentence starters/prompts

TATE MCRAE : I USED TO THINK I COULD FLY EDITION

if you wanna go ahead and lie to me , throw it all out now , that’s fine with me.

i hope you don’t come back when you see that i’m better off. 

when you finally figure out just what you lost , i hope you don’t come back.

i can feel you shutting off now like i always expected you would.

you’re about to cut me out of your life, i feel it .

just know there’s no second try.

i really thought that i knew you.

i bet you’ll blame it on the alcohol again.

don’t be acting so surprised when you see there’s no second try.

go ahead and get wasted, wreck your life , i won’t say shit. 

you’re mad that i made it.

i’ve been moving on.

you promised that the two of us were fate. isn’t it funny how you say that after pushing me away?

just cut me off like you said you want to.

all your bitches will find out all you do is lie.

i’m getting really sick of how sorry sounds coming right out of your mouth.

don’t get too comfortable ‘cause i might not be there next time you turn around.

what would you do if i leave and don’t come back?

you mess my head up.

you’re taking me for granted.

i’ll go out and kiss your friends.

i have this paralyzing fear that i’ll maybe go nowhere.

i can’t stand my friends right now, we’ve got nothing in common.

i don’t wanna say it but i really think that i miss him.

it might seem stupid but i still look through all of our texts.

i can say things i don’t always mean when people get too close to me.

you couldn’t hate me more than i hate myself.

you’ll be happier with someone else.

you came and fucked my life up when you knew that i was lost.

you made me hate myself just so that i would love you more.

i don’t give a fuck about you like i used to.

i should’ve known when my mum said she didn’t like you, should’ve taken that as a sign.

you wanted me for your eyes only.

if you say she’s nothing to worry about, then why’d you close your eyes when you said it out loud?

she’s got everything that i don’t have, how could i ever compete with that?

tell me you won’t treat her like you did with me and you.

i should’ve listened to your exes when they said ‘don’t’.

you take all your issues and blame them on everyone else.

i usually never cry at all, i would say i’m pretty tough.

really thought i’d be done with the hardest part when i pulled myself from your arms.

last night for the very first time, you didn’t even try to call.

i kissed somebody else just to see how it felt.

i know that look you get when you’re about to lie.

#ask meme #sentence starters #ask prompts #rp prompts #rph #mi

[cyrusthegreatscylinder]

Ramblings of my hurting teenage self

- islam was created by men, for men

it’s not a choice, you’re pressured and coerced to cover up as a child because of men. “It’s freedom because they see you as a person, not an object”. Wearing it further demonstrates that men are the centre of everything. everything women do is for men. cover up to make it easier for men to take you seriously. you can’t have sex, intimacy or a relationship till marriage. not to mention you cant have male friends either, maybe in the sick twisted arab world where everybody is apparently sex crazed (why wouldnt they be when you arent allowed sex till marriage, people are horny, it’s human nature); sex is forbidden. all that is taught is abstinence. so men are taught they can get away with rape and abuse bc “she wasnt covered up properly”. it’s vicous, it’s violent, it’s cruel. women are taught to be afraid for their reputations and lives. men are taught that mistakes are forgivable. it’s problematic because we arent being taught about safe sex, protection, prevention and most importantly CONSENT. But it’s the blatant dismissal of homosexuality and asexuality for me. the pure hatred towards homosexual men, and dissmisal of homosexual women and asexuals... isn’t that the most staright cis male thing there is, can women who have been raped and molested even talk about their trauma to their families or husbands?. well that’s islam for you.

women get property and landrights or someshit! when does she get that ? oh yeah... when she’s is in a marriage with an entitled psychopath who can do as he pleases to her. ‘sow his seed however he likes’ or some man made bullcrap. discipline ur wives like children.. or are they meant to come as children ?

seriously who writes this crap.

not once in my life has being a muslim benefited me, and i dont openly say this, because i fear of the ramifications. i’m not sure what they are.. disownment, acceptance, killing.. i dont know, and i dont want to. i can never come out. because i am afraid.

i learn new things about my parents’ beliefs everyday, and sometimes i genuinely wonder if they are joking.. they arent.

and they expect me to know...

i dont know if mum was kidding when she told me theyd kill me if i lost my virginity as i was 12.

my brothers are misogynistic and i am constantly reminded of it. they think every woman just wants to suck their dick or get with them for their money. how could i blame them. we females are soulless emotional creatures without minds. just boobs nd ass... property... land.

we aren’t somebodies. we arent even some.. just bodies. wives, daughters, sisters and mothers.

they seem like property terms. or maybe thats my internalised misogyny.

i’m sick of making excuses for this shit “a hijab to me is like pants to you” i’m lying. im hurting. im oppressed. i cant take off my hijab and denouce this leech of a religion. like all people born into religion.. i am a suicidal teenager afterall. im barely coping as it is. how am i supposed to go on without possibly having a family. i can’t leave, i’ve never been independent. i have noone.

i’m opressed by a crippling culture. a culture of entitled men who are encouraged to believe that women are theirs. i am not yours. i never was. i never will be. fuck you.

#exmuslim #radfem

[thelastattempt]

Chicago

This starts with an acoustic guitar, really stripped back. Louis uses this technique throughout Walls, and it tends to be on his most hard-hitting lyrical moments. 

The vocals enter this song quite early, hardly any intro, and I think that’s because he had a lot to say here. And the title; I do think it’s a purposeful choice for whatever Chicago means to the songwriter, but we’ll never know why unless Louis chooses to tell us so I’m not going to dwell. 

Saw you had a baby  Did you use any of the names we liked?

I do think this is a weird thing to be asking an ex - Did you use any of the names we hypothetically discussed when we were together? - and for this reason, I lean towards the idea that Chicago isn’t about a lost love at all, but about another relationship entirely. People may discuss baby names with their friends, when the subject crops up, when they’re lounging. Maybe? There are romantic notes here, but I don’t find them convincing.  And is your brother doing okay? Is he still getting out of fights?  I’m sorry that your mum don’t like me, I’m sorry that I brought that on myself  The theme of clarity and taking responsibility where it both is and isn’t due is prevalent in Louis’ work, and this is another example - He is taking responsibility for what happened, but I do think there’s movement here. He’s not saying it’s entirely his fault, I think it’s an acknowledgement that in this persons story, he wouldn’t have been a good guy, but that doesn’t make him a bad guy in general. 

I think it’s interesting to note that the speaker is discussing this from a distance. And the way it’s paired; the baby the singer has clearly only heard about, sat next to the brother he has personal knowledge of. Something he knew from a past life, next to something that’s newer in the subjects new life, a life the speaker isn’t a part of anymore. 

They say bitter ends turn sweet in time  Is that true for yours and mine? 

This is the theme of the album - shit happens, but maybe something good can come out of it; has it come out of it yet? Are we there yet? It’s a question that I don’t think the singer is ready to answer, otherwise it would have been worded as a certainty. 

‘Cause if you’re lonely in Chicago, You can call me, baby 

You can call me, not that you will, not that you should, not that there’s even the slightest hint of expectation. But that you can. You can. 

Has it been long enough that you can forgive me?  Just because it didn’t work, doesn’t mean it’s meaningless to me

Now, I know, I know. This sounds sappy as fuck, it sounds like a romantic love, but I’m still not convinced. I think this is one of those songs that have been dressed up as a love song because it’s easier to digest that way. But okay, let’s say it’s a romantic love that didn’t end great, and the singer is opening up that door for communication again; the singer isn’t actually approaching whoever they’re calling ‘baby’, they’re not going for it, they’re just telepathically putting the vibes out there.  

I think this resonates harder if you do think of a friend, someone that you shared everything with, that was a massive part of your life until they suddenly aren’t. And you can’t call them anymore, because too much happened, and too much was said, but you hope they know that if they needed anything, if they’re low, that you wouldn’t turn them away. You hope they know that your time wasn’t ‘meaningless’. 

It just wasn’t meant to be 

There’s no blame here in this line; it wasn’t the singer’s fault, it wasn’t subjects fault, it was the universe, it was predestined, let the blame go. 

Have you seen how my life been goin’?  Cause I’ve been wondering what you’d say  Would you have told me to keep goin’?  Or would you say to walk away? 

The singers been keeping tabs on them, have they been keeping tabs on the singer too? Do they still care? And if they did still care, what advice would they give him? It strikes me as a conversation with someone that already knows so much, someone who has an opinion the singer values. 

This is also very reminiscent of the journey theme throughout the album. In this song especially with the way the music is paced; it’s a step, by step, by step of a beat that doesn’t really change until the end.

You always made me feel much better  And I’ll always be grateful for that 

This is so melancholy, it’s in the past tense. This relationship is in the past, and despite this song, there’s not much hope that ‘baby’ will ever call. 

CHORUS

I didn’t have to search cause I still know your number  I bet that you didn’t think that I’d remember 

For me this goes two ways: - 

A) This was before everyone and their aunt had a smart phone, back when memorising numbers was actually a thing people did. But because of the life Louis leads and his need to change his phone or have multiple phones, it seems logical that the people in his life wouldn’t have the same number over a long period of time, making this useless knowledge. 

B) Much more likely to me is that he doesn’t literally know their number; but he knows them. He doesn’t have to search for that feeling they give him, because he knows them, and they know him. He’s got their number. He remembers. 

I think there’s also acknowledgement here that the singer puts on a good show ‘I bet you didn’t think that I’d remember’ because I’ve moved on and we’ve moved apart, and you wouldn’t know it by looking, but I lived it and I know and I remember. 

It just wasn’t meant to be  It just wasn’t meant to be  No, it just wasn’t meant to be  It just wasn’t meant to be 

There’s no blame here. Repetitive. I don’t blame you, do you still blame me? I don’t think it was anyone’s fault. 

The way the music breaks down here; it’s almost joyous which creates as dissonance from the lyrics, but seems cathartic. These words need to be said. The strings emphasis that.   

I didn’t have to search ‘cause I still know your number I bet sometimes you still like to wear my jumper 

I like this line so much, but it does feel like it’s leaning on that romantic interpretation and ‘jumper’ just sat well with ‘number’. But let’s say that it’s not a rhythmic choice; I think it’s another question. Do you hold onto this like I do? Do you wear my jumper? Do you wear our past? I bet you do. 

And that — my heart. I imagine for someone so nostalgic it’s impossible to imagine that someone with such a big impact in your life wouldn’t tread over old ground in their private time too. 

The fade out at the end of this song has me in a chokehold - It makes sure that it still doesn’t feel resolved. It’s reaching, tendrils from the last vocal, until it fades into nothing. It’s almost ‘ball in your court’, but the singer hasn’t actually done anything to move this relationship forward at all. 

CLIFF NOTES:- Romantic or platonic, this relationship meant a lot to the songwriter, he hope they know they can lean on him if they need to but he won’t be reaching out and he doesn’t really expect them to either, he hopes they think about their past positively, but if they blame him and if everyone else in their new life blames him too, he can accept that. It just wasn’t meant to be. 

#faith in the future #lyric analysis #lyric interpretation #chicago #Louis Tomlinson #opinion #maybe I'll do the whole album #who knows

[fcb-mv33]

Honestly I don’t get the hate that Christian actually gets like wtf at least he’s honest about shit, yes he can be problematic but my god so are Toto and Mattia and they don’t get the crap Christian does and Jesus last year Toto was horrendous like some of the stuff he said about max and what happened at sliverstone like wtfff toxic as shit.

Toto is still petty that Redbull snatched Max up before they did 🤷🏼‍♀️😂

As a neutral fan who only just started watching f1 last year but I have a family that are big f1 fans I will call out shit that Is actually stupid and especially being English getting comments for Lewis fans (I live about 1hr away from where he grew up) that live around my area is stupid I’m not a Lewis fan and I won’t be a Lewis fan I only heard of him because of Nicole Scherzinger 😂 and the moaning that my older brother would say about how shit F1 has gotten because of Mercedes dominance, like don’t get me wrong I’m not a fan of George but I honestly prefer him to Lewis. I had a conversation with a bloke on a train about why I’m not a Lewis fan and he called me a bitch that don’t know what she’s talking about 🙃

My mum who’s watched f1 since the early 70s I believe has said at how much Max reminds her of past drivers, my older brother who’s watched it since he was like 5 and now 30 says that max is a great driver, I think I will take advice from them who’s a good driver is then DTS fans or fans who only liked Mercedes because they kept winning thanks 😂😂😂

Mercedes’ and Lewis fans need to grow up and stop believing that people who don’t like Lewis are racist because most are not they don’t like him because of past comments the way he’s come across and the temper tantrums he used to throw when he didn’t win “2016”

“Valtteri it’s James” if Mercedes actually gave Valtteri a chance I very doubt Lewis would be a 7 time champ but instead they put him over for Lewis

Sorry for the rant but people👀 need to start sitting down and shutting up because they are making F1 very similar to international football fandom💀

Oh anon I fully 100% agree. Also fuck that guy for the way he spoke to you just cause you aren’t a Lewis fan. It’s ridiculous lack of respect women who enjoy sports have but then to just say you know nothing cause of who is support is pathetic.

Christian gets a bad rep purely because of how much he defends Max and now Checo. People who dislike Christian dislike him cause of the fact that Pierre and Alex were drop (deservedly) and also because of how he treats Max whihc is also deservedly because Max has worked to be the first team driver and Christian has never been one to hide that in the public.

Then we also have last season when let’s be honest he really had to defend his team and Max….Silverstone was a point where people really got a turn off him even tho toto was the one who said that Max basically deserved a crash like this yet Christian was the bad guy?? Toto last year done a lot worse when it came to the media end compared to Christian and yet Christian is so hated by for what? Defending and loving his driver? Wanting the best team of drivers? He is there to win and some fans cannot seem to understand their drivers simply were not good enough and they blame Christian for that

Also the abuse Max fans get, constantly being called racist is fucking stemming from media blaming everything on Max fans. Are Ferrari fans called sexist or scumbags for what they did last weekend? Absolutely not F1 didn’t even bother to make a statement. Merc and lh fans need to drop the ‘im so great’ attitude soon cause they really are a joke.

#anon💜 #fuck that dude bestie istg #men suck balls #f1

[puyoginge]

What's been going on with me.

3 years later I’ve decided to resurrect my Tumblr because it is my sanctuary and the social media ever. I disbanded twitter because it makes me angry all the time and for the sake of preserving my dwindling adult sanity. lol.

You may remember me from my few posts under the username yaboinate28. very 2018 lol. I posted a lot of trans / general mental health relatable stuff to manage my struggle with gender dysphoria and hopefully connect with others who felt the same as me. If you want to get a taste of what's been going on since then then please do read on below!! (TW mental health stuff)

WHY I LEFT

Some time in 2020 I purged all my trans posts, removing all my incentive to return to this new decade apocalypse of a site. I guess was feeling really insecure about the discordance between my Tumblr open-transness (??) and my irl extreme stealth thang. I was chronically worried about people from my real life finding my account basically. 

Much of my stuff was very Tumblr cringe and probably stuff you’ve seen before but there were a couple of self help posts that were actually insanely good resources for coping with gender dysphoria (particularly in the early stages of social transition) which I seriously regret deleting. I remember a lot of my memes “blowing up” which made me feel really special and like I could contribute something to the world. As a young teenager struggling with self harm and severe depression as well as navigating my life within a home that outright rejected my trans identity, my Tumblr was my lifeline, the people I met made me feel hopeful for the future, and seeing people reblog with “I needed to hear this” or “thanks so much for posting” meant everything to me.

But its important for me to address that I’m not the person I was back then, !!and whilst I'll be attempting to find and repost some of those self help resources!!, I probably won’t be posting about my trans experience much anymore other than within this entry. But please please reach out if you need someone who’s been through it to talk to. I’d love to support you however i can!! I’m only a message away. 

LIFE STUFF

Since 2019 my attitude on life has changed a lot and whilst coping with my mental health issues are still a daily hurdle, I’ve found myself a groove in which to sit and ride the wave. Essentially I’m managing and I’m happy and able to maintain a positive outlook on life, which is good. Additionally, with time my family have softened to my trans identity. Its not perfect, but I’m not at risk. I love my family and I don’t blame them for their actions, I’m just taking it slow. 

Passed my GCSES with flying colours, passed my A-levels with regular colours, and I'm going to uni. Life has continued and its good. And whilst I would rather eat my own shit than go back and relive the days when my mum had to force me me out the door to get me to go to school, I made it through every last day. That's fucking badass, and tbh I'm pretty resilient now because of it lol.

I guess my point is (crass warning) see the joy in what you have. Take life day by day. Don’t let yourself take the easy route, because then you’ll learn how fucking strong you are. And you are stronger than you think even if all your cards are stacked against you.

TRANSITION STUFF

Since the last time we spoke I’ve legally transitioned, and am (at the time of writing) dealing with the initial admin of medical transition. I’ve been speaking regularly with a gender specialist therapist for 2 years. more recently I’ve been exploring my gender expression with my new found freedom. AND I’m in a relationship with someone who is beautiful and kind and couldn’t be more supportive of me (I adore them). And.... I’m still as stealth as ever. Just as resistant to say “yAYYyy i’m trAns!!!” as I’ve always been. I fucking love it. Some things never change lol. As I said family are being dragged by the tail along with me and have warmed to the whole thing. Support is not the word, but acceptance is pretty apt. They both realise it’s always been “me” at this point and that's enough for the time being.

WHO I AM NOW

I’m now an adult (wtf so surreal????) I have allowed my passion for retro gaming to flourish, recently got super fucking into rhythm games, developed a healthy collection of games and consoles which I may post about perhaps. Resurrected my love for anime, particularly dumb slice of life shows and Madoka Magica (all hail you beautiful broken masterpiece of infinite spinoff potential)

I found my interest in psychology (wowwww surprise!!) Got a job, found some friends, told some people a long overdue fuck off. And rounded myself into a much more open minded person than I used to be.

I couldn’t care less how many people read this, mainly I’m doing it for me. To provide myself a clean slate and stuff. But if you do read this, and you used to enjoy my silly little posts or find them helpful or whatever: I hope you’re well, I’m glad you stuck around and I hope you stay :)

#trans #transmasc #transfem #transgender #trans love #gay #pride #lgbt #life #non binary

[randomsmilingpotatoes]

2 x 06 !!!!!

- yeah royal family this is a BIG problem from august hahah

- does Alexander really have to say that to every single person he wakes up help

- OMG is he about to use Alexander to take down wille . lowkey smart move but FUCK NO

- omg willes gonna end up asking simon not to go and it’s gonna end up being like last time😭

- yes pls break up with Marcus

- yeah they’re both right here. Just pls break up

- damnnnn okay. i don’t think Simon gets off on drama but okay it probably does look that way to Marcus oof

- oh what the FUCK not blaming Alexander AGAIN

- no Alexander , I don’t care how mad you are at wille don’t DO this

- FUCK not the drugs AS WELL that gets Simon😭

- felice is such a good friend I just wish Sara was the same😭

- GOOD. See he’s a SHIT person I’m so glad felice knows now though

- OH MY GOD THEYRE GONNA KNOW ABOUT SARA NOW YES YES YES

- THIS IS NOT SAFE HAPPENING AT A SHOOTING RANGE.

- oh my god WILLE

- okay I’m kinda scared wille please don’t actually shoot him it’s not worth the consequences even if it is covered up😭

- I am SO glad simon was there to hear Sara say that. Fuck that’s gonna hurt

- what a SHIT excuse. “You’re despicable” THANKS FELICE YES YES YES

- good.

- wait so NOW Sara doesn’t trust him?? I mean,,, good I guess?? Only bc she finally felt the consequences of her own actions though.

- oh I wish wille and Simon could’ve talked about that:( and I wish the hug worked:((( but honestly that is a LOT for Simon and he probably needs to talk to his mum or friends://

- that school sign again

- I mean. I’m glad his mum and dad actually hugged him at least

- good simon talking to ayub and rosh🥺

- omg not telling his mum bc he doesn’t want to break her heart:(((

- everythiNg he said and the “but it’s not enough” 😭

- YES felice switch rooms!!!!!

- yes exactly!!!

- omg she is NOT about to out Stella are you fucking kidding me

- YES felice

- omg how are they stuck in the same room let felice live with Madison😭

- the FaceTime call with ayub🥺 I love friends

- oh sara left!! good but also where is she lowkey she can’t go home with Simon either

- why did I think she was actually gonna go back to august for a second

- SEASON ONE SONG

- wait I just had a thought what if after all this Sara is gonna go back and stay with Micke

- “it’s not worth tearing our families apart… I don’t want him to ruin what we’ve got” 😭😭

- oh my god I’m literally about to cry they’re on the same page and can be together😭😭😭😭

- I LOVE YOU. HE SAID IT HE SAID IT HE SAID IT HE SAID IT😭😭😭😭

- SARA is gonna be the one to report it????

- omg I was MESMERISED DURING THAT SPEECH. he had the opportunity and he took it😭😭 im so fucking proud😭😭 was worried for a second Simon wasn’t happy about that but they smiled I’m so happy😭 they can fight their battles together next seasonnnnnnn

but holy shit what are the consequences SEASON THREEEEEEE

#young royals #yr s2

[liliansun]

day 25/365 of haechan (if you can't tell i now have a record in my phone to track it now and the only thing i need to do is update after each day!)

my favourite moments of our fullsun and the dreamies <3 i lied, the dreamies are his karma. there may also be a stray 'renmin' because my notes on my laptop hasn't picked up on the fact that i am not saying 'renmin' or 'rennin'.

(No Mark for this since I’ve already done him <3 but I think I’ve established they’re one of my favourite pairs and I can’t imagine one without the other OHH but the video that’s titled ‘top 21 markhyuck moments of 2021’ has some of my favourite moments as a little extra.) 

renjun - like I know haechan is in love with renjun and I really don’t blame him. But renjun lights up around haechan and is always interested in what he has to say. And haechan is the first to tease him and he’s always a slither away from death by renjun. I also like how renjun turns to red hot fury and tries to beat haechan up - I find it hilarious. Also the ‘he’s the cutest when he’s angry’ comment about renjun and the way haechan rarks renjun up reminds me of me and my mum. when we hug we put everything into it to make it so uncomfortable for the other person it’s funny.  That ridin’ clip for sure. Changed my life. Makes me laugh no matter how many times I watch it. 

jeno - I’m getting a lot fonder of this pair lately. A relationship that lies on jokes but you can tell the other really cares for them but it’s covered by a lot of humour and roasting the shit out of each other at any given point. But my favourite clip - it’s very recent is when mark accidentally hits him with a ball and haechan, chenle and mark all flock to him to hug him. Honestly surprised jeno hasn’t turned to violence like renjun has. I feel it’s a very tsundere type of love on both sides and I love that for them. the whole ‘who is the hung between u two?’ And both of them having different answers. god. And the whole ‘supposed to call me after his schedule and HE STILL HASN’T CALLED ME’ 

jaemin - look, haechan the absolute cHEEK he has to call someone else weird but jaemin is very weird and they’re both very weird. But oddly together they’re quite normal? And idk why it’s only a reflection I’ve made just now. I love the two together. When they teamed up in Weekly Idol and whenever they laugh at each other’s jokes I feel very warm. Like I know this isn’t like a ‘jaemin hyuck exclusive moment’ but when renjun and haechan are mucking around and jaemin can’t focus because of it and he just…rolls his eyes and pauses and that gets me. It gets me good. AHH how could I forget the little smooch hahaha <3 bless. 

chenle - okay out of chenji, it’s obvious at first glance that chenle is the enabler and when haechan and chenle team up? Ooooh class. I love when Chenle and Haechan are near crying when they laugh - especially together and they set each other off often. But Chenle laughs the loudest during haechan’s jokes and you know how there’s the whole nct dream are split between team chenle and jisung? haechan is on chenle’s for sure. I think they just naturally gravitate towards each other and the whole 7illin trip <3 aww. But my favourite is when they played table tennis together on Weekly Idol. 

jisung - and out of chenji and nct dream as a whole we have our nagger <3 You can tell that Jisung believes that Haechan needs some tough love, it’s making me giggle just thinking about it. Haechan teasing Jisung isn’t anything new - especially when it comes to Jisung crying <3 and I really like it when jisung enjoys haechan’s antics. His whole ‘rooftop fight’ and the ‘inauguration ceremony’ are masterpieces. Moments I like as well is when Jisung cannot not be bothered with the live in Tokyo and Haechan passive aggressively hugs him with a ‘hyung loves you’ AND the whole ‘you showed off well’ moment in Boom and hugs him excessively and jisung just takes it.

aw but i saw a clip of all the fansigns and it just made me tear up a little.

This >>>>>>>>>>>

#this made me giggle kicking my feet like I ain’t got no business 😭 #niwa my little sunflower 🥹 #lilac’s moots 🥳 #sunflower friend 🌻🫶 #hyuckbrainrot 🧟‍♀️🧠 #Jaemin and hyuck warm me they’re so cute and so UNPREDICTABLE

[prodigaldaughteralice]

Okay take two on this bc tumblr ate the first one

My mum really freaked me out this morning and I can’t tell her so because she’d think I was blaming her and get defensive but I need to vent about it so here goes

(Uh, under the jump there’s going to be some references to a semi-gory old injury, body image shit, self harm, diets, and my grandparents’ messy divorce?)

So my mum was telling me this anecdote about when she was a kid and cut her finger really badly on a broken glass doing the dishes. Her parents were both separately at therapy, and I guess she/her siblings didn’t know how to dial on the rotary phone? So she went next door to the neighbours’ house bc they had a touch-tone phone, and she called her mother bc she had the number where she’d be, but her mother said “I’m in therapy call your father”. So she called her father, and he said that because his therapy was individual and hers was group his was more important so she should go. And apparently they ended up arguing about this over the phone for a while, mum holding her finger shut waiting for someone to call her back, until eventually her mother called her to say she was coming. Mum said “mom lost the argument with dad, but won with the kids because she was the one who actually came to take me to the hospital”. 

She got stitches and everything was fine; she has a scar now but the finger works fine and all. 

But she told me that while she was sitting there looking at this deep gash in her finger she could see a blob of yellow fat in it, just like the drawings in science class of the layers of skin. And she said that because she “was a chubby kid, before [she] lengthened out as a teenager”, she looked at it and wanted to just pull it out, as if the removal of that blob of fat would tip the scales and make her not have to be chubby anymore.

And she told it as a funny anecdote about child brain, you know? But it just fucking knocked me flat, because when I was really deep in my cutting habit that was something I thought about all the time. I wanted to cut deep enough to pull the fat out, or just cut off the inner curves of my thighs entirely. I remember wanting that so badly, knowing it wouldn’t work but wishing it would, and having those feelings suddenly rush back up just made me feel so, so sick. It really freaked me out. Made me feel so nauseous/guilty/sick, and it’s still twisting in my chest. I haven’t actually cut in years and years but the desire to does still float up now and then and it just. I don’t know, man. 

I just. I don’t know how to deal with this? I don’t know how to deal with my mother. She’s been trying to lose weight pretty much my whole life, she’s bounced around between different diets, now she’s doing keto and intermittent fasting, and it’s even harder for her because she’s got a bunch of food intolerances. And she talks about it, a lot! To me! And she means no harm, I know she means no harm, it’s just what’s in her head so she wants to share, but it just stresses me out really badly, strengthens the thing where I feel intensely guilty about everything I eat. And sometimes I can handle it and sometimes I can’t, and just recently her sister sent us a bunch of old photos we hadn’t had before, and we were looking through them together and my mum kept pointing out people’s body types? Like, talking about how her mother had ‘ballooned’ after the divorce, like “oh you can see this is before that because your grandma’s not fat yet” and talking about how skinny she was as a teenager (mum you were literally starving you have told me about this before about how you and your mother didn’t have enough money after my grandfather fucked off to California) and it just circles around my head as this constant “is that how she sees me is that how she talks about me”

Every time I come up to the breakfast table in a fitted shirt and she makes some comment about my little waist I want to puke because my waist isn’t as little as it was when I was a teenager and I hate my fat thighs lol

And the other day she had this moment of like. Realization? We were talking and she’d said something about my late uncle’s weight loss on the family groupchat and then she said aloud to me that she’d considered not mentioning it there because she didn’t want to tip anyone off that I was thinking about weight (which I wasn’t more than usual but we were talking about it bc that’s what she talks about) but that she’d realized that my sister or dad (the other people on the groupchat) would just assume she’d been the one to bring it up, because she often is… and then she just started sobbing. And she said “this is what I have instead of a life”, and she apologized to me for this being the backdrop of my young adulthood. And I didn’t want to pretend that it wasn’t true or that it doesn’t hurt me but I also didn’t want to reiterate those things because she was obviously really upset already so I just hugged her and said I was sorry— in a sympathy way, not an apology way— until she was feeling a little better. 

And so I’m worried about her, I’m always worried about her, but also she keeps talking about these things all the time even after she had that moment and it’s heavy. It’s really heavy. And now I’m thinking about how much I used to want to cut my fat out and how I still kinda wish I could even though I know it doesn’t work that way and how my brain is kinda reprogrammed to want to cut out any issue with my skin (bug bites acne etc, I just have this impulse of “just cut that bit off it’ll be fine” and I never follow up on it but I still think it) and it’s just

a lot

#pd alice personal #uh this is a little heavy sorry #self harm mention / #injury / #body image / #diets /

[theshotsheardacrossworlds]

Date Night (Fluffvember)

Day 10 of Fluffvember: Date Night. Modern AU. Estinien really hopes Agi likes the date he has planned... SFW.

Starlight was easily Estinien’s favorite time of year. Lights, time with those closest to you, everyone seemingly has a spring in their step…and FOOD! Mum always makes the best Starlight dinner. People think I’m a grumpy pain in the ass, but Starlight is something else. It’s special.

Like Agi.

And for their first Starlight season together, Estinien was going all out for her because she deserves a magical Starlight season. I’ll make it magical and special for her DAMNIT. After a morning of serving her breakfast in bed (her very own very cheesy omelet), cuddling watching television (her taste in shows is horrendous but her commentary is funny), a few lovemaking sessions (she’s perfect in every way), and then a light dinner before heading out for the evening.

“So, where exactly are we going, sexy?” Agnes asked with grin. She’s so beautiful in her peacoat, scarf, and hat. So beautiful. I’m so lucky.

“You’ll see, sweetheart.” He said, squeezing her hand. I hope she likes what I have planned. She’s liked everything I’ve planned so far since we started dating. I just want her to be happy…

“I do love surprises,” she glanced at him and wrinkled her nose. “Especially from my favorite trainer.” Fucking hells, my ears are burning. How does she do this to me?!

They walked a bit further in Foundation, and Estinien stopped them at an outdoor ice rink, where adults and children alike were skating. Agnes’s face lit up when she saw the scene. “Oooooh! Are we going to watch?”

Oh. Estinien shook his head. “Nay, we’ll be skating. Thought it might be romantic…” Fuck, I’m blushing again. Just blame the cold! Not her making you blush!

Agnes let out a high-pitched squeal and did some sort of dance? She’s so cute. I love her so much. “Oh ‘Stinien, this is amazing! I just hope you don’t mind that I’ve never skated before.”

OH. Oh shit. Estinien felt his face contort into an awkward smile. “Ah, that’s…I hadn’t considered that…”

Putting her hands on her wide hips, Agnes giggled. “What’s wrong, Mr. Sexy Trainer? Don’t want to teach your girlfriend how to skate?”

Fuck, why is she so cute and gorgeous and a bit sassy and perfect in every single way? He rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled. “No, no. I’m happy to teach you.” Looking into her chocolate brown eyes, he smiled warmly at her. “Won’t let you fall, my sweet. I promise.”

As much as I tried to get her to not slip…

She did.

Several times.

But she laughed each time and…praised me for helping her. AS IF I WOULDN’T?!?! Fucking hells, my face is burning again.

#agnes currai #modern au #estinien x wol #estinien wyrmblood #estinien varlineau #wolstinien #fluffvember #these two dorks