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getbacktoworknovice · 4 years

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💀Over the Edge

[A one shot about Edward wanting to cliff dive and coaxing you into joining him~ Reposting some of my older Ao3 stuff~]

Edward Kenway was a fascinating creature.

He could climb to the top of a mast, jump from building to rooftop, raid ships and dig up treasure chests all while wearing these incredibly uncomfortable (and heavy) looking robes. You honestly had no idea how he did it.

Or how he was able to keep as silent as he did, prowling through underbrush and treetops as if he were some animal stalking prey. It was impressive as it was terrifying. You had seen all this first hand when Edward had saved you from a sinking man o’ war the year before. You’d been on board as a navigator when the pirates had raided it and Edward had graciously given you a choice between staying on the sinking ship or taking up with him and his men.

Your choice had been obvious.

His crew wasnt too thrilled with the idea. After all, it was bad luck to have a woman aboard but Edward said that was all “superstitious nonsense”. Since you were a navigator he used you in that sense helping him get to certain places on maps he had in his quarters. He was a fine navigator himself but he said he wanted to “give you a purpose aside from being a distraction to his crew”.

You had gotten used to his cockiness and his relentless flirting as well. He was no “ladies man” by any means though he proclaimed to be one. He got himself slapped fairly often for someone so “smooth” but you didnt make it a point to learn much about that side of him.

He had saved your life and you owed him. You were returning the favor by helping him find all the treasure on the maps he had “found” and so far you had been doing a far better job than even you knew you were capable. It had been quite an experience and while the crew was a bit rowdy when drunk they were a good hearted group.

You grew very fond of them and they began to treat you as one of their own. Swapping stories over ale and singing shanties together off key and horrible to annoy the one sailor who took his shanties seriously. They respected you too, though you suspected part of that was because Edward threatened to de-man anyone who tried anything with you.

You’d heard them often call you Kenways property.

You werent sure how you felt about that…

“Oi, Y/N!” You heard Edward call and you snapped out of your daze. The two of you were on some unnamed and uninhabited island his newest map had led you to. It took a bit of hiking as the treasure was located pretty high up next to a cliff but you two had made it and Edward had began digging.

You occupied yourself with your journal, writing down coordinates and recording what treasure was found as well as what the flora and fauna was like. Sometimes it took hours for Edward to find anything other times he would find it pretty quick.

Looking up you could see his half naked form coming out of the hole he’d dug. It was particularly hot today and you couldn’t blame him for shedding the heavy looking robes he wore. He drug his arm across his face to wipe away the sweat on his brow and gave a grin.

“I found it!” He said, beckoning you over as he leaned down to haul it up. It was a pretty good sized chest, big enough to hold a person it seemed. It certainly was heavy enough as you had to help him yank it out of the hole he’d dug.

Cracking it open he gave an excited exclamation as it was full to the brim with gold and jewels. “Geez, whoever hid this mustve robbed a nobleman or something.” You said in amazement as Edward happily inspected the gold pieces to make sure all was legit.

“There’s an entire fortune in here, and I’m sure glad we found it before the miserable soul I got that map from did.” He grinned closing the lid and standing up there beside you. Reaching over he ruffled your hair with a broad smile. “Good with your directions as always, thanks for the assist Y/N.” He said putting his hands on his hips as he looked out to the open sea, towards the Jackdaw he could still make out over the cliff.

“Well, I know you and I wont be able to haul this all that distance.” He said, giving the side of the chest a kick as you went to retrieve your journal. You groaned inwardly. That meant the two of you had to make the long hike all the way back to the ship and then back AGAIN to retrieve the treasure and back AGAIN to get it back to the ship.

Seeing you pull that face Edward gave a smirk. “Whats the matter love?” he asked crossing his arms and giving you a playful look. “Dont you like all the bugs and roots and rocks?” He teased and you swatted his arm.

“Quiet you, I just dont like the idea of doing all that hiking in this heat.” You admitted, slinging your bag over your shoulder with a sigh. “It IS hot today isnt it…” Edward remarked rubbing his neck as he turned with you to start the trek back but stopped you by grabbing your arm.

“Hey now wait a minute.” He said as you turned to face him quizzically. “I know a way we can get back to the Jackdaw faster AND get cooled off.” He said and you gave him a doubtful look. “Your not as good with shortcuts as you think you are captain.” You started but he pulled you with him as he began walking back to where he’d dug up the box.

“I guarantee this one will work.” He said as he brought you over by the cliffs edge, pointing down to where you could just make out the Jackdaw around the bend. “See? She’s right there.” He said and you cocked your brow at him.

“And? What are you going to do fly over to it?” You teased unsure where he was going with this. Shaking his head he gave you a mischievous smile. “Nope, WE are going to swim to it.” He said, putting his hands on his hips as he peered over the edge.

You blinked.

“What?”

He looked over at you, he had that look in those piercing blue eyes of his. A look that said “lets do something crazy and pray to God it actually works or we are so done for ” and you took a step back. “Oh you are NOT serious.” You said and he nodded as he saw the reality of his idea sink in. “I am love, think your brave enough to try it?” He teased and you backed up even more.

“I am NOT jumping!”

“Its the only way down–”

“I’ll hike this island a THOUSAND times before I do ANYTHING close to what your suggesting!”

“Come on love, your SUPPOSED to be a pirate!” He teased going towards you as you backed away. You huffed and placed your hands on your hips defensively. “I’m a navigator FOR a pirate, I never claimed to be one!” you insisted and Edward only laughed.

“Your guilty by association I’m afraid,” he said tilting his head at you as he saw your face getting pale at the idea of jumping off a cliff. “Come now, I’ve done this thousands of times, I promise you’ll be all right.” He tried to reassure you gently.

Gentle wasnt a side you saw of his too often.

Taking a deep breath you shook your head again. “No way, something will go wrong and I’ll die.” You said and he gave one of those smiles of his that made you wonder how he really felt about you at times. “It cant go wrong if you do exactly what I do,” He said and offered his hand. “I’ll hold your hand if you want me to?” He said.

Normally you would slap it away and just stalk off. You couldnt do this, there was no way…but there was something…almost exciting about the idea. You’d seen him leap off of building before, landing in haystacks or piles of underbrush even into the ocean and always emerging unscathed.

You could trust him…couldnt you?

Hesitating at first you finally took his hand. “F-fine! But if I die, I’m going to KILL you.” You insisted and Edward laughed aloud. “Now love, dont be that way, I promise you we’ll be all right.” He assured you and moved his hands to the strap of your bag to pull it off of you. “Im sure you dont want your precious journals ruined though, might wanna leave those behind.”

Taking your bag over by where he’d discarded his robes he beckoned you once more towards the cliff. Which might as well have been the edge of the world for you. You peeked over the edge skittishly, your heart beating a thousand miles a minute in your chest.

Edward was looking over as well but he had a sile on his face and a challenged look to his features as if this were some kind of test he was determined to pass. Seeing your nervousness he reached out and grabbed your hand. “Ready?” He asked and you almost jerked your hand away.

“As I ever will be I think…” You said quietly and he gave your hand a squeeze. “The most important thing to remember,” He said as you looked up at him. “Is to not hesitate. Jump first, think later.” you snorted.

“Oh yes, wonderful advice.” “I give only the best.” he smiled and took a few steps back, getting some distance between the cliffs edge for a running start, still firmly holding your hand. You hadn’t realized you were squeezing his so hard your knuckles had turned white but he didnt seem to mind. Or notice even.

He had strong hands.

“We’ll go on three aye?”

You nodded.

“Three!” He yelled and took off with you having to keep up. If you lived through this you would call him out for being a cheat. You hadnt even realized your feet had left the ground until you were both air born. It was the most terrifying and exciting feeling in your life. You had your eyes closed the entire time, the world rushing around you making you sick to your already upset stomach.

Soon enough though you felt Edwards arms wrap around you and opened your eyes right as the two of you hit the water. It took you a moment to get oriented and at first you freaked out because you were heavier with your clothes and all but you felt Edwards arm around your waist as he hauled the two of you to the surface.

You broke through the water with a gasp Edward taking in breath beside you as he surfaced. He was laughing like an idiot, his fist in the air in victory as he floated there beside you. The first thing you did after catching your breath was punch him in the arm.

“You cheated!” You insisted and Edward feinted pain at your punch giving you a wink. “Ah cmon now love, it was all in the name of building your confidence!” He teased, raising his arms in defense as you started swatting at him with your hands.

“Your insane!” You said but you had a big smile on your face and you were laughing. That had been quite a rush admittedly and…you even felt you could do it again. He only grinned at you, grabbing at your hands to stop your onslaught.

“Yes I am, but that is one thing you love about me right?” He teased and you blushed yanking your hands away. “Seriously Captain, your a mess.” You said, turning away to begin the short swim to the Jackdaw.

You heard him behind you chuckling to himself.

“Say what you will but you followed me over the edge of a cliff.” He called out to you as you made it to the ship, grabbing onto the wooden slats that ran down its side. You scooted over to make room for him as he climbed up beside you, gently running his hand through your hair.

“Your something else yourself Y/N,” He said, looking at you with those blue eyes of his making your heart thump a bit. “Something I havent quite figured out…but I am going to.” He assured you before giving a wink and climbing up onto his ship.

Leaving you with your face pressed against the wet boards trying to hide the big smile and blush on your face.

#edward kenway #edward kenway x reader #assassins creed imagines #assassins creed black flag #black flag #sassy pirate man #assassins creed

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dafukdidiwatch · 4 years

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As Above So Below

This somehow both scared and bored me at the same time

Overview

: After years of searching, Treasure Hunter Scarlet finds a clue that would lead her to the fabled Philosopher's Stone somewhere in Paris. She gathers together a crew to find the stone in the catacombs of Paris, but there are other things that lurk down below.

I would consider myself a big time movie/tv person. Have I seen everything? No. Do I like watching anything? Yeah, I'll give it a chance. I like most genres.

Horror though, I have mixed feelings.

Now, I'm gonna be honest, it was hard trying to go into this movie open minded. I have a love/hate relationship with the Horror genre of movies. Older classics like John Carpenter's Thing, Alien, even Scream are movies I adore. But...modern horror movies are a pain to me. I hate how they use shortcuts to try and scare me with random ass Jump-scare for no purpose other than to scare me. It's ridiculous! I can call out when the jump-scares happen, and they Still scare me because of the freaking sound track!

Anyway. I felt it would be unfair for me to say how much I like/dislike the movie without mentioning my preferences. If you like the newer horror movies, awesome, you do you, but for me, its like one of those gatchapon machines where theres a 50/50,chance you'll like it or not.

With that out of the way, lets Actually start talking about the movie.

The movie is shot in Found Footage style and that already added a tally against it in the 1st minute. I am not a fan of found footage. I know that it's popular to make it cheap and personal, but it makes it so hard to follow what is going on. When they are being chased or attacked, I don't know whats happening! Its too dark to tell, the camera is jostling around making me slightly nauseous, and if it does show something, its only for like 5 seconds unless it is stupidly close! There were parts that felt more like watching a Let's Play of a 1st person horror game. Run Run Run, Punch Monster, Run.

It is due to this 1st Person view that, not gonna lie, I barely followed how they got into the catacombs in the first place. Scarlett was in Iran...then she went to France, then...a church to pick up a reverse vandalizer, club, tunnel, catacombs. I can remember the place order, but like hell can I remember what exactly they were saying. All of that took 30 minutes and I was bored out of my mind. And the things that I do remember, they just sort of randomly popped up? Like, they were discussing on whether to jump into the hole

There are parts of the movie that I think was their attempts to build atmosphere, but sort of came out of left field. They say a pale woman walk away from a club: ok. They see her...directing the creepy ass ghost choir?? No idea what that was about. Then They ran into statues that just....came to life to bite at them??? This,was Never Mentioned as potential threats anywhere, it was as if the movie decided it needs random encounters to fill the climax, which is a shame because the tension in this in the middle was really good.

In the middle, when they are Finally going underground to when things got fucked, had a good tense build up. Showing landmarkers that shouldn't be on their route later on. Local lore of "don’t go down the cursed tunnel" (PSA: If the locals say don't do something, don't do it). They get trapped trying to crawl through a pile of bones. Now that part wasn't scary, but was Very Uncomfortable, especially if you have claustrophobia. They have just...random ass things appear like a Piano and Phone which, these people are dumbasses for thinking those things are natural to be there, but does add a good "what the hell" moment that just pikes on. I thought they might go the whole "vague supernatural tunnel turning tricks and getting them to turn on each other" route instead of "slowing pick one off one by one" type. And maybe that’s what they were trying to have, but it was still random monsters popping out to attack so... c'est la vie.

Another thing I take issue with is part of the lore they use for the Philosophers stone. First, they use the legends and work of alchemists. And that’s pretty cool. Like mystical National Treasure, unlock secret symbols and solve chemical problems. There was a part where they had to figure out the number of celestial planets in the sky based on what century the stone came from since it kept changing over the years, that part was pretty clever. I didn’t know the information, but i appreciated the history.

But they just add random bits from around the world to be like "ooh they connected" like, ok. They have alchemist lore, 14th century Flamel. Makes sense. Then they add a mummy of a crusades guy. I don't know which crusades, but it doesn't matter since he was used more as a prop than plot device. Hell it might be Flamel himself, I don’t know. Then they throw...Ancient Egypt....Sure. Why not. Alchemists could go to Egypt to learn then stick hieroglyphics and traps in the french catacombs. Given how I don't know anything about alchemists history, I'll go with it.

What I WONT accept is them calling Dante's Inferno Mythology! That is Bullshit! I call BullShit! That! Is where I DRAW THE LINE!!

Because they carved "abandon all hope he who enter here" into the tunnel wall when things turned batshit and thats where i gave up on the lore.

Dante's Divine Comedy is not a myth! It is a poem! A poem written by Dante about Christain ideology of what heaven and hell is like! But the movie doesn't give a shit. The line just sounds cool to have as they go deeper into the tunnels!

If they just went with Dante references and alchemist lore, I would have been fine there. The main reason I got angry at that part with Scarrlet saying about "Dantes myth" is that she knows like 5 languages + 2 dead ones, all this backstory and alchemist stuff, and she doesn't know that inferno was a poem? Yes, part of that is semantics and technicalities, but it sort of pulled me out of the world a bit. Because at that point, it felt like they were picking and choosing lore to fit in because it sounded cool. Have an egyptian trap! Why? Because it was cool! Have hieroglyphic puzzle to find the stone? Sure, don’t know why it’s in France but whatever! I dont know. It threw me off because it felt like they were adding too much, which is a shame because some of the Dante references like traveling through a pool of blood was really good.

I don't get the visions. I really don't. Like...random pianos and telephones just appear on level one of their journey, that calls out to their memory. Which is...bizzare. Especially since they actually touch the freaking things. Like, don't touch the childhood piano! It will make things worse! Seriously! White people!

You later learn that the visions come from their sins (like the one and only tormented sin they got) and it is only when I googled the end of the movie did I learn that they have to acknowledge their sins or die. Which if you have to google the movie to understand the message, the message didn't go through. And opens up to more questions.

Because there were other people that died that didn't get to see their sin visions. George and Scarlett got taunted with pianos and objects since the 1st floor. What about Benji? He was followed by the creepy ghost choir and fell down a hole. Tell me what sin that means. Do They....all have sins, or did the vague demons here have to kill off the innocent ones first before putting the focus on the true targets?

And Scarlett finding out that the power was in her all along? What? Did she...consume the power? Was it transferred? Did she have it since she was born? Does she still have it? It felt like a bad moment to throw in a self esteem psa in this movie.

I will give the movie credit though, i liked how they were forced to go down to get out. When everything turns to shit and they have to do the same things they did but in reverse order, but still forced to go down, that was good. It adds to the tension of "holy fuck how are they gonna get out is this even the right path?" And that last scene with the manhole, gorgeous. Really truly gorgeous. It just shakes you to the core with what you are seeing.

But Overall.....yeah did not like this movie. Wasn't a fan of shakey cam. Wasn’t a fan of the "gotcha" jump scares. The movie felt a little more uncomfortable than scary to me with the claustrophobia. There were a bunch of times where I had to check how long was left in the movie because I was really bored with what was happening. I did like the use of alchemist lore, the Egyptian trap scene, and the end scene, but just wished they stuck to one part than try to mash up different myths to fit.

And if they wanted to stick with Dante, fine. Apparently this entire movie was an allegory of Dantes inferno. (Thanks google) But while i can appreciate looking back on it in hindsight, it doesn't change the fact that I really didn't "get" the symbolic nature of what they were trying to do in the initial watch. Maybe if I rewatch it I would appreciate it more, but I would just skip like half the movie to the actual cave exploring part because I am not sitting through the full thing again.

If you like horror movies with historic flair, this might be for you. But its not my cup of gatorade.

#dafuking films #as above so below #as above so below movie #week 6 movie #dafukblog

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uneryx · 4 years

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Renee Gets Salty About Dark Magic

This post got long, and got away from me, so I’ll tl;dr it

1. dark magic is a metaphor for consumption and materialism and is ultimately bad because it harms others unnecessarily and is not a sustainable resource

2. the elves were dicks for banishing humans but (especially if humans sucked all the magic out of the land themselves) they were kind of justified, even if it was an extreme measure

3. Eating meat is not the same as dark magic if you’re looking at things from an animistic point of view, which the elves likely do

4. it’s okay to like problematic characters and you don’t have to portray Ezran as a monstrous enfant terrible to feel okay about thinking Viren is justified in what he does. In fact, pretty please stop doing this, everyone in all fandoms. It’s fine if you don’t like the protags but that doesn’t mean you get to say Ezran or Rayla or whoever is EVIL. It’s called Ron the Death Eater and it’s a fandom trope that has pissed me off for going on fifteen years. Deliberately misreading the text isn’t cute. Stop doing it.

5. The show isn’t over, be patient, you’ll probably get to see some comeuppance for stuff anyway. And if you don’t, there’s always fanfiction.

6. For the love of baby adoraburrs please tag posts that go in the vein of “the writing is bad because Viren is portrayed as a classic villain/elves good humans bad/the protags aren’t held accountalbe” with “TDP CRITICAL” I would greatly appreciate it because I’m getting super annoyed with posts that deliberately misrepresent canon to uphold a favored side and it’s affecting my enjoyment of the show. Now! Actual long and discourse-heavy post under the cut!

Ugh I don’t want to start a big ol’ argument with people because I’m still on vacation and don’t want to spend the rest of today arguing about cartoons on the internet, but this has been on the kettle for a while and I feel QUITE STRONGLY about some of these things, so just... let me express my views here and don’t come for me because I’m about to talk about religion and sociology.

Dark Magic is a metaphor for unchecked consumption and capitalism. 1. The theory i’m seeing floating around that got my dander up is that the elves and dragons drained the western half of the continent of magic to keep magic away from humans. I think that, based on what we’ve learned from canon, this is highly unlikely and would be weaker writing than what I think actually happened. Instead, Dark magic was going on for a good solid 800 years (Rise of Elarion is 2000 years before canon) before Sol Regem faced off with Viard (1200 years before canon). The division of Xadia was another 200 years after that. Humans had a solid honking millennium of unchecked dark magic. It is quite likely that the reason the west is entirely devoid of magic, and that humans were banished there, is because they sucked all the magic out of that half themselves. Poor innocent baby humans nothing. They got a taste of power and progress and, like real world humans, let that get WAY out of control.

2. “But Lujanne eats bugs, she’s a hypocrite for saying Claudia can’t squish bugs for pancakes” I want you to go down to your local new-age/witchy bookstore and find yourself an animist that eats meat. You are going to get glared at SO HARD if you whip out the “you think animals have souls but you eat meat!” chestnut. Because here’s the thing.

Eating meat/animal products is an act of life, necessary to sustain the life of someone else. We don’t vilify wolves for eating deer. You gotta eat to live your life, and the human (or, we can assume, bipedal humanoid) diet includes a need for complex protein chains, quite often found in animal meat.

But the reason that we find cannibalism repulsive in western society is because it’s eating another human, despite the fact that humans are made of meat. It’s eating something that we consider sentient, dignified and possessed of a soul. Of course, the taboo also derives from the fact that you can contract prion disease from consuming human meat, but people in 11th century Normandy didn’t know that. It is quite likely, especially given what we’ve seen of magical creatures and Ezran’s ability to talk to animals, that elves view non-human/elf creatures as sentient and possessed of a soul. If that’s the case, then OF COURSE they would see dark magic as horrific.

But eating meat is not on the same level because, as we see from the assassins, death is a part of life, and sometimes necessary. I imagine that hunting and taking a creature’s life for food is an act that is done with respect. The creatures are honored or thanked before they’re eaten or turned into leather. Highly ritualized to dignify that creature’s life. Dark magic doesn’t do that. Dark magic sucks the whole life out, without so much of a how do you do. It’s treating a person like a thing. It’s sucking all the life and essence out of someone so you can shoot fireballs or make fluffy pancakes. Lets be real - you don’t need to do either of those things, so the creature thus died in vain. 3. “The elves are selfish bastards for hogging all the magic.” I agree. Granted, their attitudes may have cooled in the ensuing centuries. It’s a new dawn, the era of Zubeia. We might see elves getting over their uppity selves and working to help teach humans magic. We might also see the show explore that kind of prejudice as Callum learns more magic. In fact, I hope we do. However, two wrongs dont make a right. If Japan bombs the absolute fuckshit out of Hawaii, that does not make it okay to flash-fry Nagasaki with a weapon that blights the land and its people for years and years afterward.

To the elves (who are magical creatures and therefore totally usable as spell components), that’s what dark magic is. Suddenly, haha oh fuck, the humans have a fucking NUKE that every elf and dragon in Xadia is vulnerable to. If a weapon was devised that ONLY a certain portion of the population was affected by, you better bet your sweet bippy that people would panic and make it forbidden and illegal, and severely punish the people who created it. ESPECIALLY if those people were already marginalized. Sucks, don’t it? Doesn’t mean the writing is bad for portraying people having a realistic reaction to something that is harmful to them. The elves aren’t justified in hogging the magic, and I hope future chapters will explore that. But the elves ARE a liiiiiittle bit justified in freaking out. I hold they could’ve come up with a better solution than BANISH HUMANS, but they didn’t. Makes for interesting story conflict, doesn’t it? 4. “Humans NEED dark magic!” / “Calling dark magic a shortcut is dumb” Did they tho? Did they really? Really really? We, modern day humans, don’t NEED smart phones (which rely on several rare earth minerals and are causing untold ecological disaster in areas where they’re miend). We, modern day humans, don’t NEED coal power (which is controlled by coal companies, who keep telling us that we totally do, despite many scientists saying that renewable energy is ready to go whenever). We don’t NEED blackberries from Mexico year-round, or a whole hell of a lot of the things we have come to rely on and consider part of our every day lives. All of these things are unnecessary and shortcuts to progress.

The only - ONLY! - good, necessary thing we’ve seen in canon that dark magic was required for was using the magma titan’s heart for saving people from famine.

A lot of the complaints about sustainable energy and efforts to heal the planet as climate change become increasingly a crisis stem from the fact that doing things RIGHT, in a way that is sustainable and doesn’t strip every last resource out of our home, is that it takes time. It takes SO MUCH TIME to do things properly. Yeah, we can keep going with our coal and our gas-guzzler cars and our fracking and our rare-earth metals... but we ARE going to run out. And then what? Dark magic is the same principle. Eventually, you’re going to run out of resources.

5. Where I think the show is going My main beef with those (and there’s a lot of ya, so I’m not intending to single anyone out) who say that the writing is lazy for dark magic bad elfs good is that the show is not over. Wonderstorm is doing their damndest to give us the saga. And they’ve said, out right, that there WILL be books, if nothing else.

You can’t judge a story’s merits when it’s only been half told. Right now, what the show has done is it has shown us the worst and best of the elves (for example, Khessa’s purity test vs Rayla refusing to kill Ez so she doesn’t perpetuate a cycle of violence) and the worst and best of the humans (ex: Viren forcibly turning thousands of people into monsters against their will vs Viren risking his life in order to save thousands of people from famine). The show has done well to demonstrate that there is good and bad in everyone, and it’s the choices you make and the respect you show others’ autonomy that makes you a good or bad person. The dominoes are in place. The saga has only begun. Being mad that Ezran burned an army (that he likely knew from Soren was invulnerable to fire) or that Aanya shot Kasef in the face (when Opeli would have told her that Kasef conspired behind Ezran’s back to usurp the throne, which is AN ACT OF WAR btw) means you aren’t looking at the big picture. There WILL be consequences for those actions in later seasons, mark my words.

I’m sorry if you’re a Viren or Claudia stan, but they have made choices that hurt other people, and it is in no way shape or form Ezran or Callum or Rayla or ANYONE ELSE’S fault that they made the choices they did. Instead of being mad at the show for not portraying your fav as an innocent victim, be glad that you got such a wonderfully complex set of villains who, quite likely, will get a bomb-ass redemption arc. In fact, I’ll bet you anything that Viren’s walk back from the edge has already begun. The dude fucking DIED, and he’s not going to be eager to get in there and get all grabby with the power any time soon.

That’s what good writing IS - conflict. Tension. People making morally questionable choices. We like it because every day people are hypocrites and morally questionable. You, and I, and everyone we know. Nobody’s perfect and getting cranky and painting the protagonists with the broad villain brush so you can feel good about liking a problematic fave is... some peak tumblr bullshit, tbh. It’s okay to like characters who aren’t perfect. How fucking boring fiction would be if everyone was perfect.

Now if I can ask my mutuals to please tag their criticisms of the show that go in the vein of “the writing is bad because dark magic is portrayed so negatively/they don’t hold the protags accountable/elves good humans bad” with “TDP critical” I would greatly appreciate it. It’s getting to the degree where things are becoming very not fun and making me cranky. Thank you, Renee out.

#tdp discourse #ftr I feel VERY STRONGLY about point 2 #meat-eating is NOT the same as hunting for sport #and if you disagree with me on an ethical level about this stuff then do me a favor and tag your shit #so that we can coexist in our lanes without getting mad at each other over a damn cartoon

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pinkchannies · 6 years

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cheesier than cheesecake

i got inspired to write this on my 5 hours flight to hong kong bcz i ate cake on my way to the airport and miraculously wrote this on my flight in one go

also heading to hong kong eh wink wink nudge nudge @ agust d //slapped

well here's a jin oneshot because kim seokjin is my number one man and bias in bts and we need some shoulder man love in our lives amirite

laksndowxjoe i couldn't post this earlier bECAUSE WIFI AND MY COM WASN'T COOPERATING :(( sob well ok here i am posting it now LMAO bless wifi pls live

genre: fluff , is this considered comedy, crack has slipped into this fic again

requested: no

pairing: seokjin x reader

author notes: reader is a baking/walking disaster bcz mood, jin screaming and being a mama hen, idk how i wrote this in just one flight, chiru probably needs creative writing classes at this point, how do you come up with good titles

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the clock read, 2.09am. i groaned. it was one of those days again. or rather, one of those nights. of grueling hunger and cravings. and there was one way to solve it(or make it worse) without actually eating. though it may not be the best way. do u kno da wae-chiru get out i snatched my phone from my bedside table and loaded instagram, heading straight to the buzzfeedtasty instagram account. yes, tasty. the number one guilty pleasure where their food looks so good even with the simplest ingrediants, and when you recreate it it somehow looks like shit. or maybe i'm just a shitty cook. or maybe plating food to make it look aesthetically pleasing is just that difficult. or maybe both. to "satisfy" this sudden craving for sweets, i started watching videos of their deserts. god help me they look so good. the way the cream cheese blends with sugar and turns into a smooth white paste under the electric mixer, with heavy cream added to that mix and that generous teaspoon of vanilla essence that you can literally smell (jin: mMMMm sMELL) through your phone, those cheesecakes and oreos and cream and just all that fattening goodness- y'all this whole instagram account is straight up porn. i already feel fat just by watching these videos. but i'm still hungry af. the struggle is hella real who else can relate "ughhhhhh i wanna bake these godlike creations but i'm scared that i'll accidentally blow up my kitchen..." i groaned into my pillow. yeah, i’m a bit of a walking disaster, luckily i haven't reached namjoon's level. i think. one time my cookies almost turned out spicy because i was cooking spicy noodles at the same time. please don't ask. someone please just buy me a huge cheesecake to binge eat whilst i cry over my bad life decisions, one of which would be eating a whole 1542 calorie cheesecake at the asscrack of dawn. an imaginary or rather, imajinary-chiru stob light bulb went off from my head. there was one man made for this situation. one shoulder man, to be exact. i clicked on the contact "worldwide shoulders" and started typing.

(y/n) 2.30am

shoulder man take me by the hand lead me to the land that u understand

worldwide shoulders 2.35am

ya, its like 2.30am, shouldn't you be asleep? don't make me confiscate your phone

(y/n) 2.35am

sorry mom

worldwide shoulders 2.36am

yA tHIs chILd what's up, u usually don't text this late

(y/n) 2.37am

r u free tmr i wanna bake cheesecake pretty please

worldwide shoulders 2.38am

what a *cheesy* date if i do say so myself

(y/n) 2.38am

jIN its too early for puns :(

worldwide shoulders 2.39am

excuse you my puns are jinius

(y/n) 2.39am

SO cAN U BAKE WITH ME TMR :((( well actually it’ll be later today pls i owe u one

worldwide shoulders 2.40am

fine make sure u have the stuff ready, i'll come over at 10 go sleep its late

(y/n) 2.41am

yAY THANKS JINNIE

worldwide shoulders 2.41am

EXCUSE ME I AM OLDER THAN U (y/n) 2.42am :p see u tmr!! gnite shoulder man *finger heartu* worldwide shoulders 2.43am the disrespect i swear ----- "jin this is too tiring..." i groaned, my arms aching. "just a little bit more... just beat it harder." "look, must i really use my hands for this?" i whined. jin deadpanned. "(y/n) it's becoming white already, just continue. you wanted me to teach you right?" "why the hell can't i just use the electric mixer for the egg whites? its much faster than hand beating it..." i grumbled. "this is as good as doing 240 push-ups like jungkook," i whined. "my child there will be no shortcuts in this house when it comes to baking or cooking," i snorted at that. says the one who uses seasoning in his food. i mean, who doesn't? "i guess we can say that the cake will be eggcellent." he let out a windshield-wiper laugh at his own joke while i groaned at the terrible pun. "jin pls." ----- "DON'T CHOP THE BUTTER LIKE THAT OHMY GOD (Y/N) YOU'RE GOING TO CHOP YOUR HAND OFF LIKE THAT NO YOU'RE WORSE THAN NAMJOON SLICING ONIONS." jin shrieked at my horrible attempt to slice the frozen solid butter. i had forgotten to take the butter out to thaw, so now i had to face the consequences. of slicing, no, chopping, through rock solid butter that is stubborn about becoming smaller pieces. go me

he sighed and went behind me, his larger frame engulfing mine as he positioned my hand to hold the knife properly. "rest your index on top of the blade and your thumb and middle on its sides. this way, you'll have a better grip on the knife. and it reduces the chances of the knife slipping and chopping your finger off." he guides my fingers to hold the knife, while rambling on the precautions to take-which entered one ear and left the other. how am i supposed to concentrate when i've never been in this close proximity with the man until this moment? gosh he was warm and it feels real cozy, his chin gently resting on my shoulder to oversee the process, his larger hand on my smaller one guiding me to chop the butter. how domestic, i chuckled at the thought. i wonder how his hand would look like with his fingers entwined with mine- -which is what i did with the hand unoccupied by the knife. without me even registering it, i grabbed his free hand. our hands were clasped together and our fingers were tangled with each other. “omg (y/n) what are you doing” i screamed in my brain. do y’all ever just get intrusive thoughts like this and regret everything leading up to this moment. jin gave me a quizzical look that screamed "what are you doing." ok but same jin, same. well this turned awkward. in my panic, i let go of his hand. and the knife. good job, (y/n). "OH MY GOD LOOK OUT" jin yelled for what must be the 182297318th time today at my screw up and pulled me away from the knife which fell to the floor with a clang. i was pressed flushed against his chest as he pulled my body closer to his, almost as if we were snuggling. except that now is not really the time to snuggle with the situation at hand. thankfully the knife didn’t hurt any of us, but i knew, i was in deep shit with jin. i mentally braced myself for the lecture i was going to get. oh boy this is going to be ugly. "look (y/n), i dont care if you cant cook for shit." his face was starting to turn red from the incoming rant, and i had to stifle a giggle at that. there was always something amusing about jin scolding-maybe it comes from the fact that even if the mood is serious, he still wants to make everyone laugh and doesn’t want an atmosphere too damp. so his scolding just somehow turns comical. i bit down on my bottom lip harshly to stop the giggles, lest the lecture becomes longer. "but you are handling something sharp, please be careful." "i understand." i sighed. "look if i'm not here, you could have been seriously injured, you can't just play while handling knives. luckily i was around and could pull you away before it landed on your feet and cause you to internally bleed in your toe. do you even know how nasty it looks to have that black blood clot under your nail?" i nodded sheepishly. "loOK, WHAT IF YOU WERE ALONE? YOU COULD HAVE BLED TO DEATH AND THEN I WOULD NEED TO HAUL YOUR ASS TO THE HOSPITAL WHICH WOULD NOT END WELL MAJOR BLOOD LOSS IS NOT A FUN THING OK YOU NEED BLOOD TRANSFUSION SO PLEASE BE CAREFUL WITH THE KNIFE DONT BE A SECOND NAMJOON." "yes mom." "excuse you i am not your mother." "alright you're excused mr worldwide handsome... mom." "YA THIS BRAT." ----- thankfully, that was the only major incident-or as the drama queen puts it, life threatening incident-that happened while baking the cheesecake. after 2 hours of screaming together and jin telling me how to carry out baking procedures properly, we finally put the cake together. "jin, she's beautiful." i shed a fake tear at our finished product. fake tear-fake love tear-chiru why are you so lame "yeah, but im more beautiful amirite." ".....you're inedible so obviously the cheesecake is prettier than you." he looked at me with a mock look of offense and i giggled at that. "well at least my face doesn't need to be caked with makeup to look good." "jin, why are you so lame." just like me "hey at least i'm still walking." "oh my god." "i mean that's not my name, but god's also a good name for someone as handsome as me." "........i give up." there was a tense moment of pregnant silence that settled between us. suddenly, we both burst out laughing at our ridiculous banter filled with bad puns, courtesy of jin. "let's eat the cheesecake, shall we?"

#bangtan #bangtan sonyeondan #bts #bts oneshots #fluff #kim seokjin #jin x reader #seokjin x reader #jinnie #fanfic #oneshot #bulletproof boyscouts #i was watching too many food vids and this happened HAHAHAH #seokjin fluff #reader insert #seokjinnie #p cliche but i try #how does one tag

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jungou · 6 years

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my Stressed and Depressed ass is fucked up and needs to rant today so get ready for a mess of bullshit

so i wanted to get out of my disgusting house for just a bit today so i think hey why not walk out and do some grocery shopping so i get ready to go out n my mom stops me to ask me to grab a few things while im out. mildly annoying but its alright i can manage that. so i write down to get plastic spoons, an orange(passover’s coming up), which then becomes two oranges because my sister will probably wanna eat one, and some peanut butter.

okay simple enough, i grab my store branded tote bag thing (which a person i know from said store gave me for free one day which was the nicest goddamn thing so shoutout to parker youre a life saver) and i walk out

now, because i dont have a license (and the family car is fucked anyways so even if i wanted to be Risky and drive anyways that options out the door) i gotta walk to the store. the distance itself isnt that long so its not a big issue. what IS an issue is that i used to take a shortcut by hopping over a broken fence, which recently got replaced with a fuckin EIGHT FOOT TALL WOODEN FENCE and my shit knees arent jumping that

“but tori” you might be asking, “if the distance isnt all that long, why does the shortcut matter?” simple, my madeup argumentative statement. its because now, the only path i have involves walking along the fine line between a construction site and traffic. i basically have to bump my ass against giant orange cones while cars zip past me just to get to the store

but whatever thats been a thing for a while now and its been a mild annoyance. i do my shopping, i grab my shit, i get some extra cans of soup n shit cause im not feeling well, grab some cans of this one health drink thing that my garbage body has taken a liking to, grab a mini pecan pie (cause its my moms favorite and for as stressful as she is i know she puts a lot of work in too and i wanna do something nice for her) grab the things i planned on getting, then backtrack to get exactly two oranges when i realize i forgot them. shits going well, i pay for my stuff, have a quick handshake with the guy i know whos way to heterosexual for his own good but hes nice so i let it slide, and i leave

now, the bag thing i have wasnt enough for this trip, but eh thats no biggie normally. what IS a MAJOR BIGGIE this time is that my dumbass just realized i got seven cans of food, and a whole eight cans of that healthy drink shit, for a total of fifteen fucking cans that, along with my other groceries and two extra plastic bags, i have to carry all the way home

for all my pride in being a Beefsteak Bear and getting a good workout from grocery carrying, i have never regretted my own actions more in my entire life. this one tote bag was a fucking FATASS. and I’M A FATASS. i know weight when i carry it and jesus christ this was a lot. i kept having to take breaks and switch arms on my way back

but then. there came The Bastard. the one long stretch of my walk that had no safe breaks. just orange cones, construction work, and traffic. so i gotta walk all that way without breaking. for half of it, its shit, but manageable. then, FUCKING THEN, THE STRAP PART OF ONE OF THE PLASTIC BAGS BREAKS. i scrambled to pick everything up, and its not too hard. but the one little fucktit bastard that got away from me, a single can of mac n cheese, rolled into the road. i considered running out to get it, but before i could, a car comes along and then WHAM

in that moment i knew how gorey media got its sound effects, because the mix of metal crunching while mac n cheese went SPLAT all over the road and my shoes was a sound that ill never forget, mostly because its such a disturbingly funny sound

but after that, i finally get home. i shew away the dogs who get way too excited over seeing me come back after i was gone for like an hour and a half, put my groceries down, deal with one of the cats drooling on me when i try to pet her, catch my breath for a minute, and finally put shit up. it was a stressful mess, but it was over. but then, as i put the groceries away, i remember

I FORGOT THE PEANUT BUTTER

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loofahlover · 7 years

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Desert Bus

Pairing: Zoro x Luffy

Summary: Desert Bus is the worst game in the world.

00:00

“desert bus?” zoro flips the game case around in his hands.

Luffy grinned. “yeah huh. sanji bet you can’t finish the game. can you? huh? huh?”

zoro really shouldn’t have given in. he could tell the little shit was provoking him.

but.

his pride.

“how hard could it be?”

00:01

“so what’s the point of this game?” zoro asks.

luffy shrugs, humming happily.

“you’re up to no good, i can tell.”

“look out for the road!”

“shit!” zoro hadn’t noticed himself veering left. once he corrects himself, he takes a closer look at the screen and notices: “Where are the passengers?”

“Dunno.”

“why aren’t there other cars on the road?”

“dunno.”

“is this one of those weird indie games again?”

“dunno!”

zoro growled. “is there anything that you do know?”

“well it’s called Desert Bus. Cuz you have to drive a bus in the desert for ei- UUMMMM and it’s super secret awesome! it’s never been released to the public.”

Zoro could guess why. “and how long to i have to do this?”

Luffy started to avoid eye contact. “Uh, it’s a mystery? Why? you give up?”

Urgh. That was Zoro’s least favorite phrase in the world. But to be honest, he would rather go back to sleeping.

“Fine,” Luffy pouted, responding to Zoro’s silence. “I guess Sanji was right.”

“Hah? What about Shit Cook?”

“He thought you wouldn’t be able to finish this game.”

“...oh it’s ON NOW!”

00:04

“oy. luffy.”

luffy woke up with a snort, jerking away from zoro’s shoulder. “hmm, wha?”

“why the hell am i moving backwards?”

Luffy squinted at the screen. “you’re getting towed.”

“what’s that mean?”

“you’re gonna go back to the beginning.”

“YOU’VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!” zoro threw his controller. “FUCKING HELL!”

“My TV!”

00:07

“no, get back zoro! right right right! what are you doing?”

“but the road’s going through the cornfield!”

“no it’s not- no- too late.”

Zoro watched in despair as his bus started making its slow retreat to the starting line. “i swear I saw a shortcut through the corn!”

Luffy felt furious at Zoro on Zoro’s behalf. “There are! no! shortcuts!”

“Well then this game was made wrong,” Zoro grumbled.