Tumgik
#she's just here to mend us in case we get hurt because girls are supposed to be the healers
rowyn-writes · 3 years
Text
Mending A Broken Heart (Jared x Reader)
Warnings: SMUT, breeding kink, unprotected sex, (wrap it before you tap it, kids,) oral sex, female receiving, slight praise kink, angst, mentions of miscarriage, mentions of non-con, mentions of cheating, reader has PCOS, fluff, strong language.
Pairings: Jared x Reader
Characters: Jared, Jensen, Danneel, JJ Ackles, Misha (mentioned only)
Word count: 3.7k
Summary: You get a call from you older sister, Danneel, saying that she is in labor. When you arrive, your first niece is being born. You call your soon to be husband to inform him of JJ's birth, only to have a woman answer his phone.
Tumblr media
You were on a mission.
You walked with purpose through the hallways of the hospital, not even stopping when a nurse asked if you needed help. You were Y/N Graul. You didn't need help to find your sisters freaking room.
"Ackles." You said, approaching two men. "Padalecki. How's my sister?" Just as the words left your mouth, you heard an ear piercing scream. "That answers that question." You pushed past them and into Danneel's delivery room.
"Ma'am, you can't be in here!" The doctor ordered.
"She's my sister." Danneel waved her off. "She can be here." The mother to be let out another groan of pain. You grabbed her hand, letting Danneel use it to relieve some of her pain. You winced slightly. Your sister had a strong grip.
You didn't understand how women could all over the world could go through this pain. Especially those without epidurals. 
"I want Jensen!" She cried.
You nodded, quickly making your way out into the hall. "Ackles! Get your ass in here!" Jensen gave Jared a scared look before following you inside.
"I'm here, sweetheart." He assured her as he took your place. You hid your smile at brother-in-law's kindness. You and Jensen never got along, mostly because you were so alike. You were both hard headed, but you had a big heart. You'd never say, but you secretly liked him.
"C'mon, Dannie," You encouraged, coming on the other side of her. "You've got this. Push!"
Danneel yelled once more, gripping both of your hands and she tried to push. "No! No, no, no. I can't do this!" She whined.
"You can and you will!" You demanded. "You are Danneel Ackles, you are a badass, powerful woman and you will be a great mother! All you have to do is push!"
"Easier said that done!" Danneel barked, her  auburn hair sticking to her forehead with sweat.
"We're almost there, Mrs. Ackles! One more push!" And with one last scream, and one last push, Danneel fell back on the bed, panting heavily. There was a small cry that pierced through the room, which caused the three adults to look over at the doctor.
"Congratulations," She smiled softly. "You just gave birth to a healthy baby girl."
Danneel and Jensen shared wide smiles as their newborn baby girl was set into their arms. "She's beautiful." Jensen whispered. "She has your eyes."
"She has your nose." Danneel looked over at you, her eyes filled with joy. "Y/N, can you give us a minute?"
"Of course, Dannie." You kissed her forehead. "I'm so happy for you."
You exited the room, only to find Jared pacing back and forth. "How are they? Danneel stopped screaming. Is she okay?" He asked, worry written across his face.
"They're okay. Better than okay, actually. Danneel just became a mother to a beautiful baby girl." You beamed proudly.
Jared let out a relieved laugh as he surged forward to hug you. You stood stiffly in his hold, unsure of what to do. You weren't used to physical affection, as your boyfriend rarely held you anymore. The last time you had been this close to Jared was at Jensen and Danneel's wedding when you both walked down the aisle together.
You slowly wrapped your arms around him, patting his back awkwardly. "Sorry," He apologized sheepishly. "I'm a hugger."
"So I've noticed." You said, stepping away. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some exciting news to share with my family."
You found an empty hallway and began to call every family member you could think of. Gino was first, obviously. You knew how excited he was when he found out Danneel was pregnant. Your parents were next, and then your cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.
You cringed as you looked at the last name on your contacts. Will.
You hadn't been on very good terms as of late. The two of you had been fighting constantly, especially after you found out Danneel was pregnant. You were beyond happy for her and Jensen; they were finally starting the family they had always dreamed about.
Fuck it. You might as well get it over with. It rang three times before it was finally answered. "Hello?" An unfamiliar female voice said.
"Uh, who is this?" You questioned, starting to get defensive. It was four o'clock in the morning in Vermont.
"Lacy," She answered simply.
"And what are you doing with my fiance's phone, Lacy?"
"Who is it, babe?" You heard Will in the background.
"It's your fiance, William. The one that I didn't know you had!" Lacy screamed. "You asshole! I can't believe you cheated! And I can't believe you dragged me into it! We're done!" You felt your throat close up, your eyes began to well up with tears.
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. You kept repeating to yourself. This was the happiest day of Jensen and Danneel's life, you couldn't bring them down.
"Y/N, baby, this really isn't what it sounds like." Will claimed after Lacy threw his phone at him. 
"No, Will, I think it's exactly what it sounds like." You whispered harshly. "You cheated. After three years, you cheated on me."
"Well you didn't give me much of a choice, did you?" He growled.
"Excuse me?"
"You haven't let me touch you in almost eight months. What else was I supposed to do? I have needs, Y/N."
"You know why we haven't done anything!" You hissed, tears running down your face. "You know exactly why!"
"Can't you just get over it! God, Y/N, we could always try again!" He yelled.
"Get over it? Get over it?! I lost my baby and you just want me to get over it! I can't just forget about it, Will. I should be having  my baby - our baby - in five weeks. July ninth."
"You know what I mean, Y/N. Of course I don't want you to forget about the baby, but we could always try again! It wasn't the end of the world!"
"Yes, it was, Will! You know how hard it is for me to get pregnant ever since I was diagnosed with PCOS-"
"It always comes back to that! 'Sorry, I can't have sex with you today because I feel bloated,' or 'Sorry I'm acting so down, my depression is bad today.' You use PCOS as an excuse to everything!"
You stayed silent for a moment, trying to calm yourself. "It was never going to work, was it?" You said quietly. "We both want kids, but I can't give you that. I can't give you a lot of things, apparently. When I come back, I want you out of my house. I'm going to be staying with Danneel and Jensen for a while. They're going to need some help with the new baby. It's a girl, just in case you were wondering." You hung up the phone, taking in a shaky breath.
"Son of a bitch!" You wailed as you threw your phone against the wall. You slowly slid to the floor, putting your head in your hands. You tried to quiet your sobs by biting your lip, which only caused your mouth to be filled with a metallic liquid.
Get it together, Y/N. You wiped the tears off your face, trying to calm yourself down. You couldn't believe this was happening. Your sister, your best friend, just gave birth to a healthy daughter. You should be celebrating, not crying over your crappy fiance. Ex fiance. 
You picked yourself off the floor, grabbing your phone as you did so. Of course it was shattered. You quickly went to the bathroom, your puffy face startling you. You splashed cold water on your face, which got rid of it for the most part.
You made your way back to Danneel's room, where the atmosphere was happy and joyful. Something that made your mood lighten just a fraction. "Hey Mama! How are you?"
"Doped up on pain meds," She grinned. "Having a baby really hurts. I knew it would hurt, I mean, I've seen the videos, but damn, that was awful." You laughed as you brushed her hair back.
"What's her name?"
"Justice Jay Ackles." Jensen answered, bringing your niece forward. "JJ for short. Do you want to hold her?"
You nodded eagerly as JJ was set into your arms. She began to fuss a little, reaching out for her father. "Shh, shh." You cooed. "It's okay, sweet JJ. I'm your Auntie Y/N/N. You'll get to meet the others soon enough. They're going to love you, just like your mommy and daddy love you. You are going to have a whole village looking after you, did you know that? Yeah, you have me, your uncle Gino, that's mommy's brother. Then you have your uncle Josh and Aunt Mack, that's your daddy's siblings. Then of course you have Uncle Jared and Misha. Those are daddy's best friends."
Jared and Jensen smiled at you. You were already so in love with JJ. "Danneel's knocked out." Jensen whispered. "The nurse wants to take JJ up to the nursery while she sleeps." You nodded as you handed over the baby. "Alright, I'm gonna go get us some food. You guys want anything?"
"No, I'm good." You shook your head.
"Same." Jared agreed.
And with that, Jensen left you and Jared alone with a sleeping Danneel. You grabbed your phone out of your back pocket and tried to turn it on. Just your luck, the screen stayed black. That's what you get for throwing your phone at the wall.
"What in the hell happened to your phone, Y/N?" Jared questioned.
"It fell out of my pocket." You lied. "I guess I'll have to buy and new one."
"Damn, that sucks." He frowned. You gave a small shrug, not saying much of anything. "Are you okay, Y/N? You don't seem like yourself."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, normally you like to take jabs at me and Jensen. Hell, the only one you really like is Misha. Plus, ever since you came back in the room, you've been frowning and your eyes are still puffy from where I know you've been crying." You felt your heart sink to your stomach. "I know you don't like me very much, or Jensen, for that matter, but we do care. What's wrong?"
You stayed silent for a moment, trying to sort out your words. "I can't say it here. Follow me."
You grabbed Jared by the hand and led him to where the nursery is. You needed something happy to cheer you up.
"Let me start this by saying that I don't hate you or Jensen." You didn't take your eyes off the adorable babies, but your hand was still brushing up against his. "I have known you both for a while now, and I care about you guys. Making jabs and snarky comments is how I show that I care." You could see Jared smiling out of the corner of your eye.
"I called Will this morning to tell him that Danneel had the baby." You saw Jared's smile fade slightly. "A woman answered his phone, and usually I wouldn't think anything of it. I would make an excuse that it's his secretary or assistant, but it was four a.m in Vermont when I called. Her name was Lacy." Your voice cracked.  "And it's my fault!"
"Y/N, it's not your fault-"
"But it is, Jare," You whispered. "It is. I pushed him away for months. Do you know how long it's been? Eight months. It's been eight months, Jared. And Will 'has needs.'"
"That's the dumbest excuse ever." He mumbled.
"This next part. . . I haven't told anyone but Will. Not Danneel, not Gino, not my parents, anyone. So you have to promise not to tell anyone. I'll tell my family once I'm ready, but for now, they don't need to know."
Jared's frown deepened. "I won't say anything, Y/N, I promise. Are you okay?"
"No," You shook your head. "I haven't been okay for a while now." You took a deep breath before continuing. "Last year I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome – PCOS for short."
"Yeah, I've heard of it." Jared said softly, his eyes filled with pity.
"Will and I had been trying so hard for a baby. And when we found out I had PCOS, we stopped. And I was heartbroken. I've wanted to start a family for so long, and to get that news hurt me. And it hurt Will." You felt your hands start to shake.
"One night after I had one too many drinks, I passed out on the couch, and I woke up the next morning in my bed with all my clothes off and Will lying in my bed beside me. I don't know what happened that night, but I know I didn't want it. And four weeks later I found out I was pregnant." Jared's jaw clenched and his eyes held something malicious.
"I didn't care how it happened. I know I should have, but I was just so excited to have a baby. To be a mother. And then when I went to my OBGYN, she told me I had. . . I had a miscarriage."
"Oh, Y/N," Jared said sadly, resting his hand on your shoulder.
"I lost my baby. And I don't know what to do with myself, Jare." You cried. "W-what am I supposed to do?"
You were shaking uncontrollably now, unable to calm down. "That m-might have been my only chance!" Jared swallowed hard as he brought you in for a hug. "I want my baby!" You wailed.
"I know," He whispered as he gripped you tight. "I know, honey. I am so sorry. This is so unfair to you. You deserve so much better than this."
"What if it was my last chance?" You sniffed.
"It wasn't," He assured you as he rocked you back and forth. "There are fertilization treatments, surrogacy, adoption. . . You'll be a mother one day, Y/N, and you'll be the best mother a child could ever ask for."
"Really?" You asked in a small voice, looking up at the tall man. He smiled as he brushed back a piece of your hair and wiped away your tears.
"Really."
You felt your heart beating out of your chest and your breaths quickening. "Jared,"
"Yeah?"
"Kiss me."
He didn't have to be told twice as he leaned down to kiss your lips. He cupped your face with both of his hands, bringing you closer to him. "Mm," He moaned, pulling away. "Not in front of the babies. They're too young to be scarred this way." You laughed as he dragged you away to a bathroom, making sure no one was in there before locking the door.
Jared grabbed you by the waist and gently pushed you against the wall. He wasted no time as he pressed his lips against yours once more. His tongue slid across your lower lip, asking for permission to enter, which you happily granted.
You wrapped your arms around his neck, trying to pull him closer. Jared put his hand on the back of your thigh, encouraging you to jump. You got the memo as you lifted yourself up, wrapping your legs around his waist. He moved and set you down on the counter.
"Do you want to keep going?" Jared asked, breathless.
"Yes," You nodded, your face flushed. "Please, Jare." He groaned at the nickname.
"I love it when you call me that." He said as he ran kisses down your jaw and to your neck.
SMUT UNDER THE CUT
"And I. . . Love it when. . . You kiss my neck like that." You panted as you began to unbutton Jared's shirt. You ran your hands across his abs and looped your fingers around his belt buckle.
"You are far too overdressed." Jared complained as he tugged at the hem of your shirt.
"Why don't you fix that for me?" You smirked. There was a mischievous sparkle in his eyes as he pulled your shirt off your body.
You covered your stomach as you suddenly felt shy when Jared's eyes raked over your body. He frowned as he pulled your arms away. "Why are you hiding from me?"
"I- I dunno. It's just. . . All the girls you've been with in the past like Gen and Sandra are so beautiful and I look nothing like them -"
"Let me stop you right there," Jared said sternly. "You are gorgeous and incredibly sexy. Don't you dare compare yourself to them, because they could never be as beautiful as you. Don't let any asshole tell you otherwise. Do you understand?" You nodded slowly, fighting off the smile that crept onto your face. "Good, now let's pick up where we left off, shall we?"
Jared pulled down your jeans and tossed them aside, along with your panties. He looked at you like he hadn't eaten in days and you were a four course meal.
He began to trail kisses up your thighs, getting so close to where you wanted him to be only for him to pull away. "Quite being such a tease!" You growled.
Jared have you a smirk. "Yes ma'am." And with that he pulled you forward slightly so you were sitting on the edge of the counter. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion before a wave of euphoria hit as you felt Jared's tongue on your clit.
"Oh-" You moaned, only for Jared to cover your mouth with his hand.
"Shh, you wouldn't want anyone to hear, would you?" He questioned. You shook your head, desperate for him to return to where he was. "Be a good girl for me and stay quiet." His kissed you on the mouth before going back to eating you out. You bit your lip in attempts to silence your moans.
"Fuck," You whispered as you leaned your head back. Jared began to tease your hole with his tongue, making you gasp and grab onto his long locks.
You felt warmth spread through your stomach and a familiar coil began to tighten. "Oh, god, Jare, please keep going!" You encouraged him. "I'm so close."
At those words, Jared pulled away abruptly, making you want to cry out. "Sorry babygirl, you can only come when I say you can."
You frowned at his words. "Don't worry, I'll make sure you enjoy it." He winked. Jared began to unbuckle his belt; you could see his growing erection through his jeans. "I don't have a condom." He said defeated. "Are you clean?"
You nodded. "What about you?"
"Yeah, I'm all good." He assured you.
"Then we should be fine, it's not like I can get pregnant anyways."
"You never know." Jared said as he nipped at your neck. As he left love bites on your neck, you began to pull down his jeans, revealing his hardon. You pushed yourself off the counter and got on your knees, only for Jared to pull you back up.
"Not this time, kitten. This is about you, not me."
"But I want to make you feel good." You protested.
"Next time, baby." You smiled at the thought of a next time. He quickly turned you around so you were bent over the counter. "You're so wet." He growled as he grinded against you. "All this for me?"
"Yes, Jare. Only for you." You panted, desperate for his cock.
"Good," He murmured against your neck. "I've been waiting a while for this to happen, there is no way I'm letting it go to waste. Do you still want this?" He questioned, wanting to make sure you were still comfortable with it.
"If you stopped now I might have to kill you." Jared slowly pushed into you, as he didn't want to hurt you. You gasped in surprise; you had never been with someone as big as him. He gave you time to adjust to his size. "Move." You pleaded.
Jared chuckled as he slowly began to thrust into you. He grunted at the feeling of your warmth. "Fuck, Y/N." He moaned. "You're so fucking tight."
He began to pick up speed, which earned a moan from you. Jared put his hand over your mouth to silence your sounds, but you could still hear you skin slapping together.
"Oh, fuck." He growled. "I'm gonna cum. Gonna fill you with my seed, make you all round. God, you'd look so fucking sexy carrying my baby." Your eyes rolled into the back of your head at his words, causing your walls to clench around his dick. "Would you like that, huh? Being so full of my cum that it runs down you legs."
"Oh, fuck yes." You nodded. "Please, Jared, fill me with your cum. Make me carry your child." You begged.
Jared gripped your hips tightly, (definitely leaving bruises) as he rammed into you. You struggled to keep quiet, as all you wanted to do was scream from pleasure. "You're going to look so good filled with my cum." He purred.
"Let me cum with you." You whined, the coil in your stomach was ready to snap.
"I'm so close." He grunted, sweat dotting his brow. "Cum with me, babygirl. Cum." He demanded.
You shuttered as your coil finally snapped and you rode out your orgasm on Jared's dick. He followed soon after you, blowing his load into your womb.
"Holy shit," You muttered. "That was so fucking hot."
"You're telling me." Jared said as he slowly pulled out, making you feel empty. You began to clean yourself up and put your clothes back on.
You both looked a mess; swollen lips, messy hair and to top it all of, hickeys scattered your neck. You reached up on your tip toes to flatten Jared's hair. "At least our hair covers the bruises." You grinned.
"So, what happens next?" Jared questioned.
"I guess that's up to you." You shrugged. "We can either go on a date and see how this plays out, or we can forget this ever happened."
"I don't want to forget." He shook his head. "I don't think I could forget."
"Good," You smiled. "I was hoping you would say that." Jared grinned as he leaned down to kiss you once more.
"I have a really good feeling about this."
433 notes · View notes
xofanfics · 3 years
Text
String - Alternate Ending II
Tumblr media
Prologue | Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Alternate Ending I 
Genre: angst, fluff, SMUT
Pairing: Baekhyun x Female Reader x Sehun
Word Count: 5.4k
Summary: You find yourself in a friends-with-benefits situation with your best friend. You have no business falling for him, but your heart begs to differ.
Holding himself accountable was something that Baekhyun hadn’t quite mastered. And he seemed to be the root of all the problems that had come crashing into his life uninvited and unannounced. But he felt like he wasn’t the only person at fault. 
Putting himself aside, he wondered why you hadn’t been more adamant. Why hadn’t you just come straight out, to say all the things you wanted to? Did you not know how? Did you lack the strength? Were you unsure? And putting himself into the equation, he wondered why he hadn’t been more adamant. Why hadn’t he just come straight out, to say all the things he wanted to? Did he not know how? Did he lack the strength? Was he unsure? 
Why had he chosen Kira over you? Kira was pure; she didn’t have the same kind of past Baekhyun did. And to be honest, Baekhyun hadn’t been honest with her about his past or the feelings he had for you that still lingered. He realized that he wasn’t quite over you. The events of the night had made that quite clear not only to himself but to Evie too. If she noticed, who else did? Was it that obvious?
Baekhyun had become the kind of guy that all girls complained about. The kind of guy that claims he doesn’t want the girl but then gets jealous when she brings a new guy around. The kind of guy that has a girlfriend but still doesn’t want the other girl to date other people. How was something like that fair? 
It was a bad idea to come here, he realized. This wasn’t how the night was supposed to start or end. Everyone was supposed to get together and have a good time at this party and he’d ruined things. He ruined the mood and brought a dark cloud over the group. He needed to apologize. Even if you never forgave him or never spoke to him again, he at least needed to apologize. The talk with Evie opened his eyes to a point of view he hadn’t really considered.
He returned to the party and noticed you standing on the balcony with Drew as he smoked a joint. Baekhyun took the opportunity to join the two of you. He wasn’t sure where Sehun had gone off to but Baekhyun assumed that he’d be back eventually.
“Hey,” he started. “Can we talk, Y/N?”
You’d been in the middle of laughing and the smile faded immediately upon seeing him. You turned your head the other way. It hurt him a bit, but he continued with what he set out to do anyway. This was the path he chose and the least he could do is apologize for everything.
Drew took one last pull and cleared his throat after he blew out the smoke. He ashed his joint and put it in a ziploc bag before putting it back in his pocket. You said, “I don’t think—” At that, Drew nudged you. You rolled your eyes. “Fine. Sure, let’s talk.” Drew gave you a wink before leaving the two of you on the balcony alone. He knew that Baekhyun had fucked up but he also knew that things would never get better if you kept blocking him off every time. Both of you, Drew decided, needed to grow the fuck up and speak through your issues like the adults that you were supposed to be. 
As the balcony door clicked shut, you turned your back to him and said, “What do you want?”
“To apologize,” said Baekhyun. “I wanted to apologize for everything. For being an asshole tonight, for leading you on back then, and for not being honest with how I felt about you. I know it doesn’t seem like it but I cared about you. I still do, Y/N...and it hurts not to be able to talk to you. I miss us. I miss being friends, at least…”
You bit your lip, still turned away from him. Hearing that he missed you made you feel better. You’d missed him, too. You missed talking to him and sharing memes on Twitter. You missed being able to bullshit around campus with him between classes and going over to each others’ apartments. You missed hanging out with him, outside of the sex. You missed him being your person and being able to tell him just about anything. You decided to put your angry feelings aside, just to hear him out and not to add any more fuel to the fire that he’d started tonight.
You missed him more than anything but it was a little too late for all of this now. If he’d told you this sooner, before things got more serious with Sehun, maybe you would’ve felt differently. But he was with Kira now so, in the end, did how you feel really even matter?
“We could’ve been friends,” you said, in a voice so low that he could barely hear you. He stepped closer to you, leaning over the balcony ledge next to you. He looked at you but you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him right now. If you looked at him, your sense of judgment might shift. If you didn’t look at him, you wouldn’t be tempted to say all of the words you wanted to say to him… They were all of the words he’d never hear you say.
“What?” he asked.
“I said that we...could’ve been friends. You led me on, Baekhyun. I really thought we were going to be together and then you chose someone else. Do you have any idea how that felt?”
Baekhyun looked down at the city below him. It was dark but there were still some people lingering on the streets from what he could see. Were they lost? Were they going somewhere? Were they feeling how he was? Lost, confused, and frustrated with the cards and the hands he’d been dealt?
“Kind of how it feels for me right now, I guess,” he said. “I know it’s not fair for me to feel this way...since I chose someone else. But I can’t help but feel hurt...seeing you with Sehun.”
You didn’t say anything. Deep down, you knew that was why he’d been acting like this all night. Like a lot of people out in the world, Baekhyun could dish it but he couldn’t take it. He left you on your ass and chose someone else. But he wasn’t satisfied with that and he had the audacity to be jealous of the new bond you were trying to make with Sehun. Part of you understood; humans were often selfish beings and they often felt things that didn’t make sense. 
Even still, it didn’t take the hurt away. It didn’t erase the feelings of hope that you had back then. It didn’t erase the fact that he hurt you in a way that you thought he never would. It didn’t take you back in time, to undo all the damage that had been done. It didn’t mend your broken heart.
Anger flared up in you again and, finally, you turned to meet his eyes. “You don’t have the right to be jealous, Baekhyun! You chose her.” You bit your lip, holding back a tear that threatened to follow. “How could you choose her over me and then come here and be jealous as soon as you see that someone else is interested in me? Someone who actually wants me and gives a shit.”
A pang of hurt hit him right in the heart. He looked into your eyes, a little more deeply than you needed him to. “Is that what you think? Of course I give a shit about you, Y/N! You’re all I can think about most days. And I wish that I could talk to you but you made it clear that you don’t want anything to do with me. And it hurts. It fucking hurts me, Y/N! I know you must think I’m some monster that doesn’t have feelings but I do…I know I hurt you too and that it doesn’t excuse anything but...” He sucked his teeth. “I admit it! I made the wrong decision, Y/N. I made all the wrong decisions and that’s on me. It’s my fault and I know it. I ruined everything we had and I fucking hate myself everyday for it. I can’t help that I’m in love with you, Y/N...”
A tear fell down your cheek. This was all too much. “I’m too drunk for this,” you said, clapping your hands together. You left Baekhyun on the balcony where he stood. And you were too fast for him to grab your hand.
Had he said too much? 
*
Kira came back to the apartment with her friends, carrying the cases of White Claw. She saw the entrance to the balcony through the kitchen and went through it, curious to where it led. She hadn’t realized that the balcony wrapped around to the other side of the apartment. And then she heard a familiar voice as she started toward the corner. She stopped, 
“—it hurts. It fucking hurts me, Y/N! I know you must think I’m some monster that doesn’t have feelings but I do…I know I hurt you too and that it doesn’t excuse anything but...I admit it! I made the wrong decision, Y/N. I made all the wrong decisions and that’s on me. It’s my fault and I know it. I ruined everything we had and I fucking hate myself everyday for it. I can’t help that I’m in love with you, Y/N...”
Kira’s heart dropped, tears falling down her face. She bit her lip, unsure of what to do next. Everything made sense now. Baekhyun’s behavior and yours, too. He was jealous because he was in love with her. More tears came as the realization set in. She watched as you walked off the balcony and back to the party. But Baekhyun stayed behind. He didn’t try to go after her. Kira heard him sigh loudly to face the street. 
Kira rationalized with herself for about two minutes. She wasn’t the confrontational type but she deserved answers, at least. Baekhyun still hadn’t moved, completely lost in his thoughts. So she took the opportunity to walk over to him. Her heeled boots clicked against the concrete, slowly taking steps to the answers that she deserved.
“I meant everything I said, Y/N,” Baekhyun said, as he turned around. Unfortunately, it was the last person he expected to find him here. From the look on his girlfriend’s face, he knew that she’d overheard at least part of what he said to you.
She looked at him, one hand on her hip. “How long have you been cheating on me?”
“I’m not cheating on you, Kira,” he said. “I’ve never cheated on you.”
“Don’t lie to me, Baekhyun…”
“I’m not lying.”
Her lip quivered, unable to hold in her hurt for much longer. “Our whole relationship is a lie, right? You don’t even love me...”
“I care about you, Kira. I do like you.”
“But you don’t love me. You never will...because you’re in love with her.” 
Baekhyun didn’t answer. What she said didn’t require an answer but he didn’t have much to say. He didn’t expect her to find out like this. She wasn’t supposed to be here right now. He had planned on breaking up with her but he didn’t plan on her finding out like this. Not only had he possibly ruined things with you but things were most likely going to end with Kira tonight—right now.
She pushed him in frustration. He lost his balance and stumbled backward. “Why?” 
Kira hit him again but he held his ground this time. “Why?”
She hit him again and again, taking her frustrations out on him. “Why, Baekhyun?”
Baekhyun didn’t do anything. He let her hit him because he deserved it. He broke her heart into a million pieces. She was feeling a pain that Baekhyun was responsible for. Kira wasn’t a confrontational person and rarely got angry. Once, there was a spider in her bedroom and, as Baekhyun had gone to get his shoe to kill it, she said, “Just leave it.” He almost wanted to smile at the memory. Kira was such a good person and he’d ruined her, causing her to act out of character.
She wasn’t supposed to find out like this. He came out here to apologize to you, not declare his love for you. He’d gone too far and Kira got hurt because of his actions. Things weren’t going as planned tonight. He’d done so much damage and within the span of about two hours. If things had gone as planned, he would’ve just come out here to apologize to you and, hopefully, smoothing things over enough for you not to hate his guts. Then he would’ve talked things over with Kira, preferably tomorrow when he was sober. 
“Please stop,” Baekhyun said, wrapping his arms around her. She struggled in his arms for a few seconds, trying to get out of his grasp, before giving up. Finally, she broke down into the tears she’d been holding back. He held her, patting her head gently. “I’m so sorry, Kira. I never meant to hurt you…”
Kira’s cries died down after a few more seconds. She was so hurt and she couldn’t deal with this. Everything was a lie. Her own boyfriend wasn’t falling for her like she was falling for him. She was falling for him so hard and that’s what hurt her the most. Her feelings weren’t returned. She didn’t understand what Baekhyun’s history with you was. Had they dated in the past? Regardless, she wasn’t sure she wanted to know. Would knowing hurt her even more?
“It’s not that I regret being with you, Kira,” he said. “That’s not it. I regret not being honest with myself and about my feelings. I’m sorry for everything. I mean that.” 
Hearing that didn’t make Kira feel better or worse. She pulled away from him. “If you weren’t sure, you should’ve just left me alone.”
“I know,” he said. “I was being selfish. I should’ve figured things out first...”
She let out a sigh, looking everywhere except at him. “I want to hate you but I can’t even do that…”
Baekhyun nodded. “I deserve that…”
“You know what hurts, Baekhyun?” she said, finally able to meet his eyes. “You were so occupied with her that you didn’t even notice that I left the party for a half hour. And even outside of tonight, it was always about her…That’s why you haven’t been able to give me your attention, right? Because you were thinking about her the whole time? You never noticed me because your eyes have always been for her…”
She wiped her tears with the backs of her hands. There was nothing left to say or do. Neither one of them had officially said that they’d broken up with words. Part of her still wanted to be with him and she wished that she could shove that feeling to the side. That was the thing about feelings; you could ignore them as much as you wanted but feelings can’t just be erased like they never happened, like you never had them in the first place. 
If she could go back in time, she would. She would go back in time to avoid dating Baekhyun. This was one of the relationships that weren’t meant to be. They should’ve left things how they were before, with her having a crush on Baekhyun that couldn’t go anywhere because she was on the road to studying abroad in Italy. They weren’t in sync; they didn’t meet at a time in their lives when things could’ve worked out. And, maybe, both of them should’ve just accepted that that chapter in their lives had ended. 
In the end, it wasn’t worth it and it wasn’t meant to be. From the start, the relationship was doomed.
*
Sehun couldn’t help but feel confused, sitting on the couch next to you. You’d just told him that you couldn’t be with him. That you’d thought about it and realized it wasn’t a good idea right now. He said, “Did something happen? I-I thought you wanted this…”
You bit your lip. “I don’t think I’m ready. I’m not over that guy...and I’m sorry for leading you on like this.”
Sehun had a feeling that you weren’t ready but part of him hoped that you were. He couldn’t be mad at you. If anything, he was grateful that you were telling him this now rather than later. He liked you and he enjoyed spending time with you, but it was better off letting each other go if you couldn’t give him what he needed. It seemed like you needed time and, to be honest, it seemed like even with time he couldn’t be sure that you’d pick him.
He couldn’t hide his disappointment. He liked you more than he expected to and finding out that the two of you most likely weren’t going to date was disappointing. You were younger than him and you were unsure of your feelings and what you wanted. Regardless of age though, Sehun knew what he wanted and he knew what he needed from a potential partner. He realized that he was chasing someone who kept leading him to dead ends. 
He stood up from the chair. “I understand. I hope you figure things out with Baekhyun…”
Sehun knew that Baekhyun was the person that you weren’t over, whether you said it to him or not. He knew that Baekhyun was the reason for the sudden change of heart. Things had been adding up all night, but he kept quiet about it. He chose to ignore the signs because he liked you. And part of him—the selfish part—had hoped that you’d ignore your feelings and come to him instead. But he knew how feelings worked. They didn’t make sense and they couldn’t be helped.
“I’m sorry, Sehun,” he said. “Maybe we could—”
He shook his head. “I think we should just leave it alone for now. I don’t wanna keep running around in circles with you. I like you and I don't want to hold onto the hope that you’ll come around.” He took a deep breath. This was hard for him, too. Sehun was ready to settle down, to finally find someone he clicked with. And he thought he’d found that with you but, so quickly, that dream was over. “You have a history with him, right? It’s complicated...so you should figure that out. And I’m not saying any of this to be petty. I genuinely mean it...Anyway, let’s just move on with our lives for now. If we cross paths one day, that’s fine, but I think we should just end things for now.”
Sehun had said everything he needed to say. And you didn’t have many words to say, but you found a few. “I don’t want you to think I never liked you...because I do. I meant all of the things I said to you tonight but there are just some things I need to take care of, like you said. Thank you for being understanding…”
“Take care, Y/N…”
“You too, Sehun.”
*
You woke up to your cell phone vibrating at four in the morning. You’d fallen asleep after a shower and you groaned as you looked at your phone and saw Baekhyun’s name flashing across the screen. 
Was he serious right now?
“Baekhyun, are you forreal?”
“I can’t sleep,” he said. “Me and Kira are over. I really fucked things up but I can’t stop thinking about you. Every thought I have is of you. I just...really need to talk to you.”
“What is there to talk about Baekhyun? Everything is over.”
“Open the door and tell me that everything is over. Tell me in person.”
“Go home, Baekhyun.”
“Please open the door, Y/N.”
You hung up on him and groaned. You rubbed sleep from your eyes and headed to the front door. When you opened the door Baekhyun was on the other side, dressed in a white t-shirt, sweats, and his black leather jacket.
“I love you, Y/N,” he said. “I need you...”
“Baekhyun, please,” you said. “You can’t just show up to my house in the middle of the night and try to talk to me about shit like this...”
“Tell me you don’t feel the same,” he said. “Tell me you don’t have feelings for me and I’ll leave you alone.” Baekhyun knew you well. He knew that you couldn’t lie to him. And he knew that deep down, you still had feelings for him somewhere. 
You looked up at him with tired eyes but you said nothing but before you could say anything, his lips were on yours. You did nothing to stop him and he kissed you and you kissed him back in the hallway of your apartment building. If anything, you deepened the kiss and melted into his embrace. His hands found your face and a few seconds later, you grabbed him and pulled him into the apartment before shutting the front door behind you.
“I want you,” he said, pulling away. “I wish I could take everything back but I can’t. And I know there’s nothing I can do or say to make it right but I want this. I want us. I want to be with you, Y/N…and, um, if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, at least—”
“I waited so long to hear you say that,” you admitted. “It’s all I ever wanted, Baek…” He kissed you again and you bumped and collided into the walls until you managed to get to your bedroom. His kiss, his touch, his everything felt right. You wrapped your arms around him and you said, “Show me...Show me how much you love me.”
Baekhyun nodded, putting his jacket on the chair in the corner of your room. You bit your lip, anticipating what was to come. You hadn’t slept with anyone else and you were ready. Sex with Baekhyun was the best you’d had yet and it had been hard not to have him for so many months. You’d been dying for a taste of him and here he was. All your prayers had been answered at this moment.  
You took your t-shirt off, showing off the rest of your body. Luckily for Baekhyun, you hadn’t been wearing any panties, leaving you completely naked. Baekhyun felt himself getting hard, looking at your figure. You were perfect and his dick throbbed for you. He took off his pants, freeing himself from the restraints of his sweats.
He approached you slowly, taking your body in. “You’re so perfect...” He pulled you into his chest, feeling on your body gently. “Are you sure you want this?” You nodded and sat on the bed. Baekhyun joined you, pressing his lips on yours. This time, the kisses were more gentle, more passionate. His tongue slowly entered yours and when you pulled away, you helped him out of his shirt, then his boxers. You ran your fingers across his head, causing Baekhyun to let out a slight gasp of pleasure.
For a moment, you stared at each others’ naked bodies. You loved everything about Baekhyun. You loved his body; the way it rocked against you when he was inside you and how it seemed like it was made just for you. You loved his lips and how they weren’t too big or too small, and the way he kissed you as if the world was ending. You loved his hands, his fingers and how slim they were and the way they felt inside you.
He pinned you to the bed, his hands on yours. He kissed your neck, sending shivers up your body. He kissed you there, sucking enough to leave a slight bruise but you didn’t care. You bit your lip in concealed pleasure, as he made his way past your neck and to your chest. Baekhyun took his time with your breasts, taking them in his hands. He squeezed them lightly before taking a nipple into his mouth. He sucked each lightly, slow and steady. Your body shuddered with pleasure and you let a tiny moan escape from your mouth. Baekhyun kept going, this time flicking his tongue a little more roughly. You moaned louder and Baekhyun started kissing down your stomach until he arrived at the place he’d been wanting to taste so badly.
You arched your back as Baekhyun circled his tongue around your clit, so lightly that it tickled. He did that a few more times, just to tease you. And before you could even beg, he started sucking on your clit like it was a piece of hard candy. You let out a string of expletives and Baekhyun was pleased with himself. He was driving you crazy and all that could be heard in your room was the sound of Baekhyun’s tongue and him slurping up your wetness.
“Fuck, I need you,” you whispered.
“You need me?” Baekhyun said, humming into your wet folds.
“Yes,” you whimpered.
A few seconds later, Baekhyun stopped. He licked his lips and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. And without further ado, he positioned himself between your legs and pushed inside you. You hummed in pleasure as you felt him fill you up. Baekhyun started kissing you again and you melted into his embrace as he thrusted in and out of you slowly. His lips never left yours and you wrapped your legs around him, pushing him in deeper.
Everything about this felt right to Baekhyun. Your legs felt perfect around his waist, your moans were music to his ears, and your tongue slid perfectly against his when he kissed you.
“Fuck,” he said, “you’re so tight…”
You moaned softly, Baekhyun still thrusting into you slowly; He wanted to take his time with you. He wanted to fuck you right and show you everything you’d been missing. He wanted you to feel him, in every sense of the word. He kissed you more and, eventually, he fit his fingers between yours. He held your hands down and thrusted himself more deeply into you. 
You whispered, “Harder.”
Baekhyun did as you wished and he knew that your orgasm had been building up. It was as if he was dancing inside of you, his hips picking up the pace, thrusting like his life depended on it. You bit your lips and your body writhed from underneath him. You wrapped your arms around him, digging your nails into his back. But Baekhyun didn’t mind. Scratch him, bite him, he didn’t care. As long as you were enjoying yourself, he’d let you ruin him. 
He pressed his body into yours, putting some weight on you. You were getting closer and closer as Baekhyun groaned in your ear and started kissing your neck. You were pulsing around him, squeezing his dick. 
“Keep doing that baby,” he said. “Don’t stop.”
“Fuck,” you said, letting out another moan. He felt so good inside you. You felt like you were going to burst soon. Baekhyun lifted himself off of you; He knew you were close and he wanted to see all the beautiful faces you made when you were coming. He looked you in your eyes while he fucked you, which turned you on more than he knew.
You were beginning to unravel. You were so close, at the top of a mountain. Then you let yourself fall, fall into a blinding pleasure. You came undone around Baekhyun. You couldn’t see. You couldn’t hear. But you could feel it, as you tipped over the edge with a toe curling gasp. 
This was the moment Baekhyun had been waiting for. He loved the way your eyes screwed shut and the way your lips parted slightly. And how your body jerked and writhed with your orgasm. He felt your pussy pulsing, squeezing and pushing him around. That was all he needed and that was all it took for him to come right after. He’d been holding back this whole time, struggling to hold himself together until you came. The thighs that had been tightening around him turned to jelly. And he groaned one last time before he collapsed on top of you.
Both of you panted heavily, your hearts racing. You wrapped your arms around him as you caught your breath. The two of you were at a loss for words. Reality started to set in for you. You never expected this to happen. Hell, you were prepared for the possibility of never being on speaking terms with Baekhyun again. But here he was, on top of you with his dick still inside. Who would’ve thought the events of tonight would lead up to this?
He pulled out of you, reaching for the box of tissues on your nightstand. As he returned to wipe you off, he noticed a huge wet spot on your sheets. You’d been dripping, leaking all over the bed while he fucked you. And now his cum was oozing out of your pussy. 
As he cleaned you up, he said, “We made a mess, huh?” You glanced down, noticing the sheet. You let out a giggle. “It’s okay. I’ll help you wash it tomorrow if I can spend the night here with you.” 
You smiled, standing up. “Of course. It’s like five in the morning.”
As the two of you pulled the sheet back, Baekhyun said, “I don’t want you to think that this is all I came here for…”
You laid down on the bed, propping yourself up with pillows. “That’s not what I think. I wanted this too...”
He sat next to you on the bed. He hesitated but he needed to know what would become of them. He looked you in your eyes for a few seconds. “Can we...try again? I know I can’t take anything back but I want to start over.”
You nodded and said, “I forgive you, Baekhyun. Let’s do things right this time, okay?”
His heart almost jumped out of his chest. He never expected things to go like this. He didn’t expect you to forgive him, he didn’t expect to sleep with you, or for things to get as far as they got. It was like all of his prayers had suddenly been answered. He knew that, deep down, he didn’t deserve you. But maybe he did. Maybe everything that had happened was for a reason, reasons that neither of you would ever understand. Over the past few weeks, Baekhyun felt like he’d undergone something like character development. He’d taken you for granted and he wasn’t honest with himself or with anyone else about his feelings. He’d been immature and in denial. This situation, in a way, put things into perspective for him.
This time, you leaned in for a kiss. When you pulled away, you said, “Did you mean what you said before?”
“What?”
“That you love me…”
Baekhyun nodded. That was the one feeling he was one hundred percent certain about. He loved you. “Of course I meant it.”
“Say it again.” 
You thought that maybe it was a ridiculous request and that it was just your insecurities trying to get the better of you. But, in this moment, you needed a bit of reassurance. Most people would’ve told you to leave Baekhyun in the dust, that you deserved better. And maybe it was true. But it wasn’t your truth. The truth was that Baekhyun made you happy. Even though you’d been hurt, your heart still skipped a beat every time your eyes met. You just needed to know that everything was okay and that you were making the right decision.
“I love you,” he said. “I love you, Y/N…”
You kissed again and again as the sun rose, the light peeking through your blinds. You melted into his embrace and he melted into yours. The two of you got lost, drunk, in each others mouths. And, through the blinds, you could see the sun rising. A new day, no—a new chapter was ahead. And you were just glad Baekhyun was here for the ride.
FIN. (like, actually)
Tag List: @shesdreaminginoverdose @multistania @jeonchan26 @myonlyaurora @keloiu @xxluckydreamsxx @multifandomeras @blanknearvana @jddcfc-blog @jummyjammy @mintaemark @kokobyunee @fortheloveofinfinite @littleflowercrown13 @wayvexo @to-all-the-stories-i-love @ggaayyyong @hyuniebaby @giriboyshogu @xyukheix @jekylluv @forbyun @endzii23 @puppyeoliepop @aa-ronpa @jessverdin @princemicorazon @sjkings @marimsun @baekhypnotized @cynthbee @xuyiyangstan @justmitchie @minseoksnz @wooya1224 @stepanielove @deadelline @kimluvwoo @sehunski @desired-love- @bexinini @g0lden-sunset @justineasian @vad-hander @loeygotospacenow @nana-banana @happiestgirlontheeastcoast
201 notes · View notes
ramblingguy54 · 3 years
Text
True Colors: An Emotionally Fantastic Serious Game Changer.
If we’re to look back at Reunion as Season 1′s dramatic pay off for Amphibia’s message of toxic friendships, as Anne & Sasha’s conflicting dynamic showed us, then True Colors is a colossal expansive note on this big theme of the series. True Colors makes Season 1′s finale look like a walk in the park for what angst goes down between our three main heroins in Season 2′s climatic resolution. Everything that can go wrong does go oh so painfully wrong for these three kids. Anne, to no one’s surprise, gets double crossed by Sasha leaving things between them a Hell of a lot more bitter than they were previously, as if that couldn’t already be topped when Sasha tried to kill the Plantars before. Anne has had enough of her lies and manipulation not being afraid to tell Sasha straight up how awful of a friend she’s been in general, even hitting her where it hurts most of all saying, “No, I’m done listening to you! I’m done trusting you! You’re a horrible person and I am done being FRIENDS with you!”, going so far as to get a shaken reaction out of Sasha dropping her brave face act, making this girl try to wipe away the frog family.
Right off the bat, True Colors makes it highly evident this isn’t just another story of stopping a bigger threat, but one hitting much closer to home, overall. Yes, King Andrias is certainly a dangerous villain, who makes his presence and intimidating nature known to the others by True Color’s final act, which despite this Amphibia isn’t entirely putting him at the forefront, rather focusing on a more intimate study of Anne, Sasha, and Marcy’s big emotional conflict. This finale knows exactly where to put its focus of importance on, so I love that instead of it being action packed we’re getting the spotlight shined on just how screwed up these three of a friendship have, in spite of Marcy claiming in The Dinner episode, “We’re supposed to be friends for life. We don’t split up!’ . Very ironic stuff right there, indeed.
Tumblr media
True Colors’ most powerful strength it adds to Amphibia’s ongoing profound story about healthy friendships is the thorough deconstruction of these girls defined “ideal relationship” as people. Before Anne came to the world of Amphibia this kid was afraid to stand up for what she believed in, even knowing especially well that stealing the calamity box was morally questionable, but did it anyway. Sasha was super manipulative, abusive, and used her power to control people, like she did a lot of toward Anne in their lives. Marcy, while very smart, wasn’t the most competent physically, who soon grew into being more independent without needing to rely on Anne always having to be there for her. These three were changed immensely by the events of being thrust into this world of sentient amphibian creatures. Anne benefited morally most out out of all three in taking up the mantle of responsibility and ironing out her own issues. She’s become a much stronger person all around. 
This episode asks us an important question though in nutshell with, “Have Sasha & Marcy truly changed for the better?”, since Anne has reached a point in her arc feeling genuinely content with who she’s become and the bonds that have been made with the Plantar family shown most notably with Sprig Plantar. Hence the whole purpose behind the song, It’s No Big Deal, with Anne feeling proud for who she is, yet not noticing a bigger issue right underneath her nose. That previous episode was meant to bring Anne’s happiness up only to bring it all crashing down in a devastating display of new revelations in True Colors. Every dramatic emotional beat isn’t just earned. Each significant moment is completely knocked out of the park by terrific voice acting, beautiful animation, and music composition that gave me serious emotional goosebumps. True Colors did exactly as Not What He Seems accomplished for Gravity Falls in shaking up its own respective dramatic stakes just when you thought it couldn’t get any higher for these protagonists. Shit seriously hits the fan here.
Tumblr media
Did it ever occur to you, Anne? Sasha? That one of you knew more, than she was letting on? That ONE of you might’ve gotten you stranded in Amphibia on purpose...?
The big bombshell twist of Marcy playing a part too in getting them into this whole debacle completely flips everything upside down. Sasha pushed Anne into taking the Calamity Box, yes, but if Marcy never sent that photo because of her desire to stay with them together forever, then they wouldn’t have been stranded in basically a world full of dangerous creatures and who knows what else. Easily my favorite part of the episode, considering it adds more nuance to a situation that defined Amphibia’s story. It wasn’t just one person’s fault at the end of the day. Sasha bullied Anne into taking the box, Anne didn’t put her foot down to make a stand for something morally questionable, and Marcy took advantage of them both to benefit her own selfish desires for supposedly a “happy ending” not involving them staying apart, due to her parents moving away for a new job. All three girls played an important part on why they got landed into Amphiba. It’s why Anne’s statement to King Andrias, “The three of us may have made some mistake, but you...You’re evil and I’m gonna stop you!”, holds such a real weight to it, as this story continues to solidify how genuinely fleshed out their dynamic is.
Marcy’s super desperate plea to be understood by Anne & Sasha when Andrias revealed her getting them thrown into Amphibia purposefully was hard to watch. On one hand, I felt for Marcy because she didn’t want real life circumstances to tear apart that close connection she had to Sasha & Anne. Sure, she could’ve just kept in touch with them over the phone or chatting online, too. However, Marcy had known them since very early childhood. When you’ve been so attached to someone it can be a devastating thing, depending on just how vulnerable you are emotionally, to start drifting apart. Marcy represents that embodiment of toxic need for togetherness and couldn’t bear to let a possibility, like moving away, throw a wrench into her happiness and friendship, as well.
Never mind Marcy wanting to stay permanently in a different reality, rather than face her’s, but it made this person feel like something more. It gave her a chance to feel truly special in being able to live out a fantasy dream of having such power and freedom that a kid, like herself, couldn’t have had. The freedom to know she is plenty capable of making it out there on her own without Anne having to watch this kid like a hawk. So, to have someone, or something, try taking it away from her terrified Marcy of facing a terrible truth. That she isn’t strong enough after all to live a life without Anne & Sasha by her side completely, where Marcy will never feel truly worthy enough to blossom into her own person. It’s why that line, “I just...didn’t want to be alone...”, carries such a deep pain to it all. Marcy just crumbles into pieces accepting her greatest weakness. As much as Marcy fumbled the ball big time, it’s so easy to empathize with her on the idea of feeling competent enough. Marcy never meant to hurt Anne or Sasha, but the sad crushing punchline is she very much did.
Tumblr media
Speaking of which, Anne had every right to be upset and mad, obviously. Anne has been missing so many things from her life before everything went off the wall. Hopping Mall especially highlighted Anne’s emotional desire to give anything just to hear her mother’s singing again. This teenager has been really dealing with a lot of grief in general quite honestly. Anne got into a high stakes battle against Sasha to save new friends, who’d practically became like an adopted family, which left the poor girl traumatized and heartbroken over the end result. She thought finding Marcy would help compensate for it and eventually be able to mend those complications with Sasha to boot. It’s simply painful to see it all blow up in Anne’s face to know not only Sasha betrayed her trust yet again, but realizing Marcy also played a part of responsibility in getting them thrown here. Matt Braly really just decided to slap future trust issues onto Anne finding out Hop Pop, Sasha, and Marcy were all super dishonest in their intentions at one point or another. Damn, I feel so bad for her.
It makes their embracing hug back in Marcy At The Gates so much harder to watch. Anne was super glad to see her again. Anne had wondered what became of Marcy or even possibly started to think she could even be alive at all. Then come to find out later on Marcy having intentionally ripped her away from a normal life must’ve felt worse then what happened with Sasha. Anne, already done with all of Sasha’s bullshit, thought she could at least expect better from Marcy not letting her down, but that too wasn’t the case. Marcy is very much as flawed as Sasha in what she has done. To think, Anne wanted so badly to get back home, yet she’s staring the very person dead in the eye, who ripped her away from it to begin with. Marcy knew Sasha would talk Anne into taking the box from that thrift shop, even if she wasn’t completely certain it would successfully teleport them away. Regardless of whatever good intentions someone can have in why they did what they did, it still doesn’t absolve them of said mistake. Fact of the matter is, Marcy tragically made her own bed, by choosing to mess with forces she couldn’t begin to comprehend and now has to face consequences, in spite of her not deserving them.
What really got to me was when Marcy tried to spin around Anne’s personal growth and close friendship with the Plantars as all entirely thanks to her. When she said, “I gave you this! I gave you everything!”, I was like, “Nope, that couldn’t be any further from the truth.”, seeing everything that has culminated in Anne’s journey of bettering herself. Marcy didn’t give Anne anything, but a one way ticket to cutting the kid off from her family, presuming she’d be fine with this idea. It’s all kinds of messed up, however what it boils down to is Marcy undermining Anne’s independence and agency. Anne’s moral judgement in decision making was what allowed her to create this new life she made for herself in Amphibia. Anne’s honesty as a whole led her down a path of togetherness, while Marcy’s lying landed her in a result of not wanting to be alone, costing her so much.
Tumblr media
“I don’t believe this. We were so focused on each other we couldn’t see what was right in front of us!”
True Colors excels at earning each of its emotional beats because they line up with character motivations down to the last letter. Anne doesn’t want to trust Sasha anymore because of their already rocky past, which leads to her helping King Andrias regain control of his kingdom. Sasha not keeping a lid on her temper, wanting to rule over Amphibia, and trying to reinforce that power dynamic with Anne & Marcy only made things worse for her image of a changed good friend. There wasn’t a chance in Hell Anne would hear Sasha’s reasoning after she flat out tried to take away her frog family, by attempting to use the Calamity Box a bit ago in the episode. Marcy wanted to believe there was a happily ever after in seeing this world traveling idea as their only chance for salvation as friends for life, but it turned out to be something much more sinister, when learning of Andrias’ backstory and his true scumbag nature. All three of their motivations come clashing together, blinding them from a much bigger danger. Something that effectively puts everyone at stake.
Amphibia’s Season 2 finale works so excellently, given it covers important dramatic elements it’s been stirring around since Season 1′s early rumblings. Amphibia is a story centered around people’s need for emotional connections. True Colors builds miraculously off what Reunion already did quite well in showing friendships can become rough and they are never easy to deal with. When you have to make a stand it can be a tough pill to swallow on the reality check of maybe this “good friend” of your’s isn’t as nice as you previously thought them to be. Anne having been hurt one too many times now by her former friend sends that message close to home, so much so even Sasha begins to question her morality as a human being. It poignantly encapsulates how this trio’s complex friendship is a serious growing issue needing to be reexamined, overall.
Tumblr media
What if Anne’s right..? What if I am a horrible person...?
Something I absolutely love to pieces about True Colors, also a testament to Season 2′s darn good writing, is how much introspective we get from each character on what they’re feeling. We’ve seen plenty of Sasha’s vulnerability before in other episodes centered on her issues, but now we’re getting to the root of it. Sasha is really taking everything more to heart, little by little. Sasha’s understanding what kind of an effect she has on people, seeing the damage it has caused made evident by Percy and Braddock in Barrel’s Warhammer. Grime once told her, “Some dreams have a price and not everyone is willing to pay it.”, where she’s questioning that idealism every passing minute the invasion plan proceeds further into reaching success. Sasha isn’t sure what to do with herself anymore feeling aimless. Those previous episodes had a real impact on her priorities more than she cared to let on with Sasha’s typical tough girl act. This kid has let her guard down more, which scares and confuses Sasha. She’s always used to playing the role of protector it contradicts everything Sasha stands for when the roles are totally reversed because now Anne has made her feel the tremendous change in their growth as individuals.
Sasha’s lifestyle has been all about control that after somewhat learning to be more considerate to Anne & Marcy’s feelings she feels beyond conflicted about what truly matters to her. The most screwed up part of it all is Sasha didn’t want to fight anymore, taking up a pacifist approach after seeing what King Andrias had been hiding from everyone. It’s a fitting punishment for Sasha to try bringing Anne over to work together once more, but getting her pleas for companionship outright ignored. Anne was correct that Sasha had wasted all the chances to be reasonable. Boonchuy tried to hear out Sasha before at The Third Temple. One wanted to start things over again to iron out their serious issues, but the other was driven by bitterness, while only remorseful to a degree at best, of seeing their once weak friend become so independent, mature, and stronger that it drove her up wall. Sasha wanted to take away that “problem” being the Plantars, since in her eyes they’re the source of Anne’s strength, driving a wedge further between the two girls in their heated Reunion 2.0 battle.
True Colors demonstrates the horrific price of no trust, communication, nor teamwork from the three main girls that Andrias smoothly took advantage of, as if they were fiddles. 
Tumblr media
“That’s the thing about friends isn’t it? The more you love them, the more it hurts when they go.”
King Andrias is quite literally what I wanted Lunaris to be, where DuckTales’ Season 2 finale didn’t impress me on doing. He’s a serious big baddie to the main cast, who follows through on his threats of violence to demonstrate his wide array of arsenal and power. Andrias doesn’t just emotionally manipulate characters, like poor Marcy, but utterly crush them without an ounce of remorse for his actions. When he dropped Sprig out that window after Anne willingly let him have the Calamity Box back I thought they were legit gonna kill this boy off. The way Anne’s flashback montage of her good times with Sprig were eerily shot really didn’t help either on that note. Anne’s Calamity power finally activating is easily up there among stuff, like Dewey risking his life for Della’s disappearance in Last Crash, where the cinematography is shot and animated brilliantly. You feel Anne’s blind raging sadness in every hit she landed on those robots and Andrias. If anyone didn’t believe Sprig was like a little brother to Anne, then I dunno how anyone couldn’t view their bond anymore as such after this hugely defining scene. Anne went bloodthirsty when she believed Sprig to be dead further evidenced when she hugged him in relief afterwards exclaiming, “Sprig!? You’re alive!? Oh, thank goodness...”, which cuts deep so damn much.
Tumblr media
Anne was ready to fight every one of Andrias’ troops in that castle to the death, if need be. Before Sprig came back from falling, thanks to Marcy’s quick acting, to comfort Anne, her only goal was to slaughter every opponent in that throne room, along with making Andrias pay dearly for even daring to lay a single finger on anyone of the Plantars. I’m not gonna lie, this pivotal power up reminded me so much Gohan turning Super Saiyan 2 after Cell curb stomped Android 16 into pieces with a smirk on his face. Anne Boonchuy’s maddening outburst is a classic testament to the idea of, “Piss off the nicest person and they’ll make it their mission to instill the biggest kind of fear/terror into you.”. showing this kid at her most vulnerable mental state, yet. Sprig & Anne’s cathartic embrace really messed me up in reinforcing just how these two respect, love, and would go above any of their limitations to help the other out. Sprig’s “death” scene was a masterful bait by the writers into making us think someone was gonna die and it was gonna be a poor kid, no less.  
However, it was actually all just a bait and switch for the real, “Oh, shit. They really just did that”, moment with Marcy unexpectedly getting run through with Andrias’ gigantic sword. In a last ditch effort, Marcy wanted to atone for what she had a hand in getting them all into. Marcy was ironclad determined in making her own stand for what was right trying to save the people she endangered. Akin to what Sasha did in Reunion for saving Anne’s life, Marcy does the exact same here. Although, unfortunately this time, no one is here to protect Marcy from escaping death, like Grime catching Sasha from plummeting at Toad Tower. Marcy couldn’t react in time because she was so focused on helping her dear friends out. She wanted to prove to herself at least one time, “I’ve screwed up so much stuff with my friends. Maybe, just maybe. If I get my friends back home, it’ll prove I’m not an entirely crappy person for setting these events into motion.”. Marcy’s own deep seeded remorse is what saved Anne & the Plantars, while being the cause of her own untimely demise at Andrias’ hands.
This scene is what no doubt encouraged the warning sign for younger viewers Disney decided to make for them. It’s impressive how far Matt and his crew are willing to go for intense dramatic content. Andrias trying to crush Polly with his fist after destroying Frobo with casual ease, dropping Sprig out of the window from up sky high, and stabbing Marcy with his powerful sword displays his cold blooded brutality. Doesn’t matter who you are. If you get in the way of Andrias’ plans for multiverse domination, then he’ll throw anyone into their own grave, be it man, woman, or child. That’s the mark of a truly terrifying antagonist.
Tumblr media
Andrias didn’t care who had to be hurt or manipulated to get back the box, so he could invade other worlds with Earth being his next prime target for invasion. Marcy’s fate is a horrifyingly poetic statement, since Sasha stated to Anne in a flashback from Marcy At The Gates, “One of these days, she’s gonna get herself killed.”, with True Colors tying back to this line in a disturbing manner. Something that sends chills down my spine is we get to see the full extent of how far Andrias shoved the sword through her body. We don’t just see the entry point of where it hit her, but it even zooms out to show the whole thing. Real talk, I got serious Avatar The Last Airbender vibes from this scene. Reminded me so much of Aang getting suddenly zapped with lightning by Azula when he tried to enter the Avatar state. Marcy didn’t want to be alone so badly she ended up inevitably dying alone trying to send Anne back home to their reality. One Hell of a way to close off Marcy’s last moments in Season 2, until her inevitable resurrection happens in Season 3 now that King Andrias has her in a tube tank that looks tied to his master.
True Colors ends on a deeply bittersweet cliffhanger leaving the fates of Sasha & Grime totally unknown if they’ll get away by the skin of their teeth, or get captured by Andrias’ soldiers and robots. Anne finally returned home with the Plantars, but at a deadly cost of leaving her other close friends behind in Amphibia. After all the isolation, heartbreak, and endurance she went through with her frog family Anne finds herself at a total loss for words. Once again, Anne is in a state of solitude of not knowing if her friends are really okay or not, mirroring the start of Season 1 when she landed into Amphibia’s world. It’s safe to say to say that, “Finally me and it’s no big deal.”, lyrics have aged terribly for Anne’s realization of finding her own identity came at the expense of getting separated from friends she’s known since kindergarten. Definitely see Anne becoming a lot more protective of the Plantars now more than ever after watching Marcy drop to the ground from being stabbed in front of her eyes.
Tumblr media
Amphibia’s Season 2 finale is exactly how you capitalize on a winning story telling formula of dramatic writing, lovable characters with layered depth, and increasing the stakes of your story in an organic manner. True Colors is a finale that should be talked about for a long time to come, as it not only showed how worth the wait it was, but reinforces why Amphibia is a truly great series. It’s unafraid to take its characters to dark places in a way that feels totally earned.
Amphibia Season 2 is everything a sequel to a first film should be.
69 notes · View notes
whumpmatsus · 3 years
Note
Why hello there new blog. 👀 I shall watch with interest. Would it be fine to ask for Karamatsu with a bad stomachache/similar?
hehe, I hope you enjoy watching!
and YES of course! God I'm such a Karamatsu girl 😩
We've got some of everything here, I think? Oops All Matsus! XD ... but the Choukeimatsu is definitely strong in this one haha
enjoooooy! <3
-
It’s kind of a given that in a house with six brothers in close quarters, anything one of them catches is going to end up running its way through all of them.
It’s… less of a given that Karamatsu is going to be the one who recovers last.
Most of the time he’s the first one to push through it, seemingly via sheer power of will because he wants to take care of the others. Or, at least, he’s not usually the one still down for the count when everyone else is on the mend.
This time around, he’s been curled up on the couch since all of them woke up this morning. They’re all feeling fine, while he’s apparently still feeling like crap.
He’s set himself up with a wastebasket nearby and he’s refused everything his brothers have tried to shove down his throat ― water, food, even medicine is turned away. They all might think he’s just being stubborn if not for the fact that he’s so clearly still sick. Regardless, they’ve stopped trying to offer since they know he isn’t going to take any of it.
As far as Karamatsu himself is concerned, if whatever sickness he’s got is going to kill him, he wishes it would hurry up and do so already. He doesn’t know how much more he can take. There’s an uncomfortable, cramping heat in his belly that’s constantly threatening to flip into something much worse. He’s been vomiting for a couple days now, on and off, like the rest of his brothers. Unlike them, however, it hasn’t gotten much better for him.
He tries so hard to be cool and unbothered. This is starting to worry him, though. How come everyone else is back to normal while he continues to struggle not to puke at the mere thought of plain rice?
For as much as Totty claims to hate germs, the youngest has been camping out next to the couch most of the morning, playing on his phone. It affords Karamatsu a view of the games Totty’s playing and the videos he’s watching; distractions as he tries to keep himself from tossing what little there is left to toss in his stomach. He isn’t sure whether or not Totty planned it that way, just that he’s grateful for something else to focus on other than the unbearable nausea.
“Heyyyy, Karamatsu-nii-san,” he suddenly speaks up, holding the phone closer to his miserable older brother’s line of sight. “What do you think of this pretty girl? Is her dress the right color for winter? It’s cute, but, I don’t know… I think maybe she would have looked better in blue…”
Now, Karamatsu isn’t sure what it is about the video clip Totty is showing him. It might be the bright lights in the background, or it might be the twirling motions the woman on the screen is making. Or, quite frankly, it might be nothing at all, since he feels so horrible.
But only a few seconds after he squints at the video clip, his stomach rebels against something. Although he wants to reply to his dearest younger brother, the second he parts his lips to give a clever retort, he feels his stomach clench. Saliva pools in his mouth, and he quickly raises a hand up to his face.
He swallows once. Twice. Three times. He tries to take a breath, in through his nose and out through his mouth like Choromatsu taught him. Nothing helps, because he ends up gagging anyway.
Immediately Totty yelps and launches himself away from the sofa. All the noise, particularly Karamatsu’s heaving, catches the attention of the rest of the sextuplets. Soon enough, someone has hurried over to hold the wastebasket beneath him, and someone else is using what feels like all their strength to help prop him over it so he doesn’t miss.
A brief glance up reveals that the one holding him is Jyushimatsu ― of course, he’s the most coordinated of them all ― and Choromatsu is playing trashcan jockey. Karamatsu’s head swims again, and that small motion is all that’s needed for his stomach to protest again. He retches a few times before whatever is left, which can’t be much at this point, splatters into the can.
“Totty!” he can hear Choromatsu scolding the youngest. “W-what the hell was that for?!”
“What was what for?!” Totty retorts. “I was trying to cheer him up! It’s not my fault!”
Ichimatsu snickers from his spot in the corner. “Che, so you made Shittymastu sick by trying to help. Sounds about right for you.”
“Excuse me?! You take that back or I’ll post that video of you being a drunk asshole online so everyone can laugh at my big, dumb brother!”
“HEY!” It’s Osomatsu who quiets the entire room with one sharp word. He’s knelt next to the couch, one hand trying to keep Karamatsu’s hair out of his face. “Would you guys all shut the fuck up? For God’s sakes, let the poor bastard puke in peace! The last thing he needs is to hear you douches arguing while he’s giving the trashcan a new coat of paint!”
For his part, Karamatsu appreciates his older brother standing up for him when he’s unable to do so himself. It’s just a little hard to convey that when his body is trying to bring up everything he’s eaten ever in his life.
It hurts, too. The sensation in his stomach is tight now, painful like there’s a knife stuck in his middle. Every gag makes a stabbing, all-over pain spiderweb through his whole body. As if he’s made of porcelain and something is repeatedly making cracks.
Finally he thinks it should be over, because nothing else is coming up. He shudders and heaves and it doesn’t produce anything other than an uncomfortable ache in his throat. Honesty, his entire body is aching now.
He lets out a few ragged breaths before slumping back onto the sofa, predictably pulled into a more-careful-than-usual Jyushimatsu hug. “It’s okay, Karamatsu-nii-san! I’ve got you!!”
“Aaah.” Karamatsu lifts his hand and places it, shaking, on his little brother’s head to praise him for a job well done. “Jyushimatsu… I’ll leave it to you… to tell my Karamatsu girls… I loved them…”
He hears Ichimatsu scoff. “You should be more worried that you were puking without puking than your nonexistent fangirls, you dumbass.”
“Yeah, that was weird,” Osomatsu agrees. “You heard that too, Ichimatsu?”
“Mhm. It almost made me want to hurl again.”
“Yeah… he should be better by now. I mean, we’re all fine. And he hasn’t been eating, so it’s not like there’s anything left in there. What’s his stupid body trying to throw up? His Goddamn kidneys?”
Karamatsu hears Choromatsu groan. “Oh, my God, you guys are disgusting!” When Karamatsu looks up, the third eldest is hovering over him with a concerned expression. “Ah… they… might be right, though. Karamatsu-nii-san… you’re just as sick as we all were at the beginning of this. It doesn’t seem like you’ve improved like we have. How… do you feel now? Any better since you threw up?”
He tries to laugh. It comes out sounding more like a sob, though. “N… no…” It feels like even too deep a breath will tip the scale on his nausea and cause another avalanche. “I’m… I’m dizzy… it still hurts.”
“A-ah, gosh…” Choromatsu’s hand sets lightly against Karamatsu’s cheek, then neck, and if his face is any indicator, he doesn’t like what he feels. “You’ve… still got a fever. And you’re sweating and lightheaded and… still throwing up. Shit.”
He moves his hand to gently card through his big brother’s hair as if trying to reassure him. “Karamatsu-nii-san… d-do you think you could make it to the doctor? If we helped you?”
That’s not an idea he enjoys entertaining. Having to get up off the couch, bundle up in a coat, ride the train… it sounds so exhausting. He’s already tired. But… if Choromatsu is even bringing it up, he must think it’s a better idea than Karamatsu continuing to try and recover on the couch.
He manages a nod. “Sure… sure, if you help me.”
“Great.” Choromatsu straightens up and heads for the door. “I’ll go call the office and see if they can get you an appointment today. If they can, I’ll go with you, and…” He surveys the rest of the room. “… I’d prefer at least onemore person go with us, just in case.”
“Yeah, I’ll go, no problem.” The eldest’s voice is one Karamatsu didn’t expect to hear, though maybe he should have. Osomatsu is still lingering on the floor next to him, taking the spot where Totty was, and, now that Karamatsu thinks about it, he can feel his older brother gently rubbing his shoulder. “… Do you think maybe we should try to force him to drink something, too? You can’t survive without water, right?”
Choromatsu sighs; not necessarily because it’s one more thing to add to the list, but it sounds like he’s just worried. He probably doesn’t want to force one of his brothers to do anything ― especially one of his big brothers, and especially when said big brother is already so sick. “I mean… yeah, it’s not good that he hasn’t had anything to drink today, and not much in the last few days. Throwing up so much is probably making him dehydrated… which, stupidly enough, can make him throw up more.”
Osomatsu hums in thought and gives Karamatsu’s shoulder a small squeeze to get his attention. “Hey, Karamatsu. Do you think you could handle some tea?”
“Really weak tea,” Choromatsu hurries to clarify. “You’re not supposed to drink anything too intense after throwing up.”
Karamatsu shuts his eyes in a desperate bid to avoid the worried, pleading faces of his brothers looking back at him. Just thinking about anything going into his body and sliding down his throat right now makes his stomach swirl viciously.
He feels Jyushimatsu hug him a little tighter, which doesn’t help matters. “Aww, please, Karamatsu-nii-san! You can drink some tea for your little brother, right? Riiiiight?”
A groan is what he gets in response, though the giggling suggests he isn’t too broken up about it.
His hair is brushed back, and stroked through a few times. “Well,” Osomatsu says softly, “how about for your big brother, then?”
After a moment of thought, Karamatsu lets out a whimper, leaning his head closer that way in an obvious attempt for more affection. “I… suppose I do only have one older brother, after all…”
He hears Choromatsu chuckle by the door. “Good, good. I’ll make some, then. We’ll try not to make you drink too much… and… I’ll call the doctor while I boil water for it. Hopefully they can fit you in. In the meantime, just, um… try to rest, alright?”
At the very least, he doesn’t have to tell Karamatsu twice. The second eldest relaxes, keeping his eyes shut. He hears Osomatsu quietly urge Jyushimatsu to switch positions, and he scoots himself up onto the couch. Somehow he manages to pull Karamatsu into his lap, letting his younger brother curl up against his stomach.
“Hey, there. It’s okay. Big brother’s gotcha, Kara.” A careful touch runs up and down Karamatsu’s back, bringing the slightest sense of relief. “Get some sleep.”
Then Osomatsu pauses, and with a laugh he adds, “Just… warn me if you’re gonna puke again, okay?”
29 notes · View notes
sweetpeasgirl · 3 years
Text
Treat You Better | Sweet Pea
Description: Based on the song “Treat You Better” by Shawn Mendes, Jughead and Y/n’s relationship is at it’s bittersweet end and Sweet Pea, her best friend, is there to defend her
Word Count: 2.3k
Pairing: Sweet Pea x Female!Reader
Warnings: Kinda angsty but not really
Tags: Angst, FLUFF
Tumblr media
The White Wrym is not where you thought you would spend your Saturday night but Jughead had said that he needed to take care of a few things and you didn't want to be blown off again. You understand that he's busy, you really do. He's the son of the former Serpent leader; of course he's going to have a lot more on his plate. You just didn't think he'd push you off of it- the plate.
Sweet Pea had warned you about that. It was the latest topic of argument between you. For best friends, the two of you fight a lot. You know he's just trying to look out for you, that's been his role since the two of you were kids. He's in the grade above you, and was originally your older brother's friend, but they fell out a couple years ago. He never left you though.
He's always been the one watching your back. At first he just kept you out of harm's way, whether that be from grade school bullies or the men who lurk in alleyways when you're trying to walk home. Now, though, he has to watch out for boys who say they care about you but don't. He has to watch out for heartbreak.
That's where Jughead comes in. Sweet Pea is just being his overprotective self, like usual. Sure, you've had your fair share of walking out into the busy street with your head down, and he's had to pull you back quite a few times, but this is different. He can't save a heart that's supposed to break. Jughead does care about you, or at least he did when you first got together last year. Some things, however, just aren't meant to last forever.
Forever is a long time and time has a funny way of changing things.
"Juggie, it's your turn," your voice is quiet as you hand him the wooden pool cue, trying not to draw attention to yourself.
It's cold in the bar and you had been alerted so suddenly that date night was getting moved here that you didn't have time to grab a sweater. You can feel the stares burning into uncovered shoulders. It puts you on edge as Jughead accepts the cue from your shaky hands and takes his shot absentmindedly. Something's going on in his head, you can tell by the way he furrows his eyebrows and watches the people around him.
You, meanwhile, are trying hard not to look anywhere but the green felt of the pool table. There's commotion all around you. Shouts can be heard from the bar and the sound of smashing bottles that accompanies them. There's laughter coming from somewhere else but it doesn't sound friendly. Whatever it's about is cruel; it’s something that should not be made a joke of.
You're definitely way out of your comfort zone. Hell, you're way out of your un-comfort zone. You're just plain scared and, with the lack of conversation that Jughead is providing, the regret is bubbling quick in your chest. You almost wish he would just break up with you so you can cry and move on already.
"Jughead," a loud voice breaks the awkward silence around the crowded pool table, "there you are boy. We can finally discuss what you wanted to talk about now."
A tall, middle aged man with light brown hair and a weeks worth of beard growth pats your boyfriend on the back. Jughead shoots you an apologetic look as he passes the pool cue back to you once more. Your blood runs cold as he starts to walk in the opposite direction with the newcomer. He's seriously leaving you alone, in a room full of people who honestly aren't the safest characters, on what was supposed to be your night. Something happened to the boy you first knew and this just settled what you already thought. It’s over.
Your eyes blur with unshed tears at the hurt and fear circulating through your veins. He disappears from sight and the dark atmosphere gets hazier as you grip the side of the table to keep yourself steady. You can once again feel the stares burning into your back. It's like they were waiting for you to be left unattended. When you're with Jughead, the heir of the Serpent crown, you can't be touched. When you're with Sweet Pea, their deadly warrior, you can't be touched. When it's just you, though, anything goes.
You don't know what to do. It's only a matter of time before someone approaches you and when that happens you'll be in a situation that you probably won't be able to get yourself out of. That's the one thing your mother always told not to do; never put yourself into a situation that you can't get out of. Sweet Pea would not be happy.
"Y/n, what the hell are you doing here?"
Case in point. You jump at the sound of his voice but spin around instantly and bury yourself into his chest nonetheless. The tears fall down your face before you can stop them but you really couldn't care less. The smell of leather and pine surrounds you and warmth finally fills your body. Apparently you're colder than you had originally thought.
The relief that fills you is unmeasurable and you cling to Sweet Pea tightly, "It was supposed to be our night but-” you hiccup, tugging on his jacket- “I didn't want to miss another date night-” another hiccup- “I didn't want to-” you rub your forehead against his chest, your voice now just a whisper- “he left."
Your thoughts come out scrambled and between ugly sobs but it's enough for Sweet Pea to gather the overall picture of what happened. After all, he has been doing this for a while. He tightens his arms around you, the anger radiating off his uncovered skin in heated waves.
"He left you? Here?" Sweet Pea is seething when he pulls back.
He lifts you to sit on the edge of the pool table, the game laying discarded behind you. The visual reminder only makes the tears come faster and the warmth leave your bones again. You start shivering but this time you can't steel yourself enough to stop, the realization dawning before you can lie to yourself again. You and Jughead are done. You have been for a long time now and everyone else saw it before you did.
"Pea, we're over," you can't raise your voice above a harsh whisper, covering your raw face with your hands to suffocate the onslaught of cries you can feel bubbling to the surface, "we're over now. You were right."
You close your eyes to avoid staring into Sweet Pea's murderous chocolate ones. All you feel now is the ice circling your veins.
"Baby, hey," a large jacket that smells too much like Sweet Pea to not belong to him is draped over your shoulders, "it's okay. We'll go home."
The anger seeps out of his voice and you peer up to see the concerned face of your best friend once more. He's looking at you in the same way he was the time fell out of Jughead's tree house. You had blacked out from the fall and woke up in the hospital with a broken leg. He was so scared that he didn't leave your side for a minute. But it's different now, you're not physically hurt, so he shouldn't look worried.
You let out a sorrowful breath and just nod your head, a deep weariness settling over your being. At least you're getting what you had wanted. A clean break.
"Y/n, can we talk?"
You hadn't noticed Jughead come back but now he stands a little behind Sweet Pea who is still in front of you. Sweet Pea instantly turns at the sound of his voice, the rage back and in full swing. You just lower your head, too tired to keep it up.
"Jones you're so lucky I'm not beating the crap out of you right now. I didn't think you were stupid enough to leave her here but I guess I was wrong! You're just lucky I happened to be here. And that she doesn't hate you." Sweet Pea spits his words at Jughead
"Look, man, can I just talk to my girlfriend?" Jughead's voice is monotone, both of you knowing he's just calling you his so that he can officially end it once and for all.
It's for the best and you both know it. His phrasing, however, doesn't go over well with Sweet Pea.
"Are you serious right now? Or is this a sick joke? You forfeit that title when you left her as free game for anyone in this place,” Sweet Pea steps towards him and you hold your breath, knowing quite well who would win the fight if one were to ensue. “You're dating the most beautiful girl in this shitty town and you treat her like she doesn't even matter! If it was me she wouldn't be crying on a damn table, she would know damn well just how much I love her!"
Your head snaps up at his words, your breath hitching in your throat. The commotion of the bar is drowned out around you and all you can see is Sweet Pea's back. He can't really love you, can he? He's just making a point, being the best friend he always has been. The logic makes sense to you but you can feel your heart breaking for the second time tonight because of it.
You place a hand on Sweet Pea's shoulder, drawing his attention back to you, "it's okay Pea, I should talk to him at least."
He doesn't look happy but he nods, helping you off the table and moving to the side to let you pass. You look at Jughead and toss him a melancholy smile. It's wrapped with bittersweet memories from all your late night's at Pop's and early mornings coming back from the drive-in. Jughead and you had some pretty good times despite your inevitable end. Maybe, just maybe, though, you can make it a peaceful end.
"Y/n I do love you," Jughead takes his beanie off and runs his hand through his already messy, raven locks, "but not like I did before. Somewhere between moving here and, well, taking on the role of my dad I let us fall apart. I'm sorry."
"It's okay Juggie. I probably wasn't putting as much effort in as I could have," he scoffs at that, a guilty smirk on his face.
You both know that you gave this relationship your all. But, standing here now with Sweet Pea's eyes searing into your back, it's pretty clear that your heart was forming attachments with another person. Which means that sooner or later you and Jughead would have fallen apart anyway. Sometimes these kinds of things are no one's fault. It's a mutual heartbreak and when it needs to happen, it needs to happen.
"You know, y/n, I don't feel too bad about losing you to him."
You furrow your brows at his comment, your voice cracking slightly when you speak, "what do you mean? He was just saying all that stuff. Pea doesn't love me."
Jughead rolls his eyes and glances quickly at Sweet Pea before walking closer to you. You can tell he doesn't want him to hear what he's about to say.
"Y/n that boy is in over his head. It's a feeling I can relate very much to but listen to me," his eyes capture yours in a serious stare, "he's going to treat you better than I ever could. He's not going to leave you in dangerous situations or bail on plans. Can't you see he'd take a bullet for you?"
Your heart races at his words and you spare a glance at Sweet Pea. He's already looking at you, the worry back in his mesmerizing eyes. He raises an eyebrow at you, pulling a smile to your lips. Maybe Jughead is right. Maybe you love Sweet Pea as more than a best friend.
Looking at him now, his tanned skin glowing under the dim lights and his dark brown hair pushed behind his ears, there's no doubt in your mind that you're attracted to him. Sweet Pea has always looked handsome in your eyes, even after a fight with purple bruises staining his face. You think back to all the times he's been there when you needed him most. That boy drops whatever he's doing when you call; no matter if you're just bored or looking for someone to nap next to he’s there next to you. You've always felt at home when you're with him. Hell, you have a drawer in his room devoted to your clothes.
Sweet Pea loves you and you're pretty damn sure that you love him too.
Turning back to Jughead, you nod your head, "I'd take one for him too."
"Good. I think I'll leave now. Thanks for everything, y/n," Jughead pulls you into one last hug before heading out the door.
You pull Sweet Pea's jacket tighter around you as you walk back towards him. He gathers you once more into his chest and you let the last of your tears fall. There will never be a time when parting isn't such sweet sorrow. It's the beginning of something new but also the end of something that you once thrived on. However, wrapped completely in Sweet Pea's scent, you've never felt like you belonged somewhere so much.
"Ready to go home baby?"
"Yeah Pea. Let's go home."
159 notes · View notes
moon-light-jukebox · 4 years
Text
“All you have to do is ask” Chapter 8 - [Reid x Reader]
Tumblr media
previous chapter // series index // next chapter
Summary: After their weekend together, Reader and Dr. Reid have very different ideas on what the next step is. But all of that will have to wait because there’s a serial arsonist in D.C. who has been choosing victims that appear too random. 
Pairing: Spencer Reid x (Female) Reader
Rating: Mature
Category: Angst. Just all the angst. There is a moment of smut...but it’s angsty smut. 
Content Warnings: The usual criminal minds talk of m*rder and mayhem. Mentioned of drug addiction. Vaginal penetration. Unprotected sex. And there is a character that gets seriously injured, but is ultimately fine. 
Word Count:  6.6k for Chapter 8 
A/n: There is a quote by Jane Austen that says, “All my characters shall have, after a bit of trouble, all that they desire.” That’s my philosophy on writing. I know this isn’t what everyone signed up for when they started reading a sub!Spencer fic. This my hurt you heart, but I promise you the part of Chapter 9 that mends it is already written. If you want to wait to read this until Chapter 9 comes out to read this, I understand. The earliest it will be out is tomorrow, the latest is Friday. 
-- Chapter 8 – “Because I love you” --
Spencer had been reluctant for me to go home last night, but eventually relented when I pointed out that I couldn’t very well show up to work in what I was wearing when I left yesterday. He had kissed me so softly before I left that it made me ache. Everything felt so different, but everything was the same.
The next morning, I was getting ready when I heard my phone ding with a text message. I smiled when I saw Spencer’s name.
“Open your door.”
Not a second later I heard a knock on my door. My eyebrows drew together as I crossed the living room, throwing the door open to see a very chipper Dr. Spencer Reid standing on the other side.
“Hi,” he said softly, smiling at me.
“Hi?” I laughed; I really couldn’t help it. “What are you doing here, Doc?”
“I brought you this.” I noticed the cups in his hand then, both from the coffee shop I showed him yesterday. “Even though it felt wrong to order it,” he teased.
“Oh, shut up,” I said, taking my iced coffee from him before I waved him into my apartment. Iced coffee was an abomination to my Dr. Reid. “You only hate it because you haven’t tried it.”
He moved to sit on my couch, taking a sip of his own drink. “And I will continue to hate it without having tried it.”
“Brat,” I muttered, moving to stand in front of him. I glanced at the clock on the wall. “Not that I’m not happy to see you, but it’s 6:45 in the morning. You were going to see me in, what, an hour anyway?” How early did he have to get up to do this?
His bottom lip stuck out in a slight pout. “Are you upset that I came by?”
My nervous, darling boy. “Never, Doc.” I turned to go back into my room to finish getting ready.
“I also thought we should talk about what we’re going to do today,” he called from the living room.
Huh? “What do you mean?” I picked out a pair of ankle boots from my closet that would match with my outfit. “Do we have a new case?”
“Probably,” he said, scaring the shit out of me. I didn’t realize he’d gotten up and come into my bedroom.
“Jesus, Spencer,” I laughed, my hand over my heart. “Warn a girl next time, alright?” I finished putting on my shoes, checking my hair and makeup in the mirror a final time before I turned to walk back into the living room. “So, we need to talk about the fact that we ‘probably’ have a case?”
“No,” he said, reaching out to grab my elbow, stilling my movements. “I wanted to talk about us. And what we’re going to tell the team.”
Oh no. “Tell the team…about what?” I hedged.
Spencer's eyebrows came together in confusion. "…About us?”
“…Why would we tell the team?” My question sounded hollow in my own ears.
My darling, darling boy looked confused for a second. “Well, its protocol. We’re on the same team. And…” he swallowed thickly. “I-I thought that…”
I felt my heart splinter into a million pieces. "Spencer," I began quietly. "I don't know if we…I'm not sure if that’s the best idea.”
“What do you mean?” He looked so crestfallen, so fucking hurt that I could barely breathe. "I thought after last weekend that..." he trailed off. He looked so young in that moment like he really was a small boy afraid that someone he cared about would leave him. "I thought you wanted to be with me."
His sadness was a punch to my gut. “Spencer,” I said gently. “It is not that. It’s not that at all.” I took a step towards him, reaching out to place my hand on his arm. “I just…you’ve never been involved in this sort of relationship before. There are a lot of high emotions that come with this-“
“What are you saying?” he interrupted, his voice hard.
“I’m saying that we need to give this time before you make any sort of decision about us other than our established BDSM relationship.” He jerked his arm away from me. Don’t do this to me, baby. "Spence, plenty of people have a relationship within a dom/sub relationship. I have! It can work. But…” I trailed off.
“But what, y/n?” His eyes were cold. They looked so wrong. My boy was supposed to have warm amber eyes. Not these flat brown eyes that made my heart feel hollow.
“I’m saying that it’s only been one weekend. And I need you to be sure. We need to be sure about each other.”
“So, you aren’t sure?” He took a step towards me, crowding my space. “You seemed pretty fucking sure last night.” Spencer looked up at the ceiling, running his hand through his hair. “How can you stand here and say you aren’t sure after what we did together last night?!”
Tears pricked in the corners of my eyes. “It was just sex, Spencer.” Liar.
He backed away from me, a look of disgust on his face. “I’ve asked you once before not to lie to me, y/n. You know that what we did last night was a whole lot more than ‘just sex’ or ‘fucking.’ You can lie to yourself about it, but don’t you dare fucking lie to me!”
“Then what was it, Spencer?” My anger matched his own, my hands were shaking so hard I had to ball them into fists at my sides.
Spencer turned then, taking several steps until he was in front of me again. His hand moved up to the left side of my face; he ran his thumb over the cupid’s bow of my mouth. “You know what it was, y/n.” His head tilted down while his thumb ran over my bottom lip. “I made love to you last night. You’re hiding, and I don’t understand why. But please. You promised you wouldn’t regret it. Do you?” His eyes searched my face frantically.  
“Not for an instant, Spencer.” My eyes were starting to brim over with emotion.
“Then don’t push me away, baby. I know you’re scared.” He moved to close the few inches that separated us, his lips brushing over mine softly, sending a tingle down my entire body.
“I’m not pushing you away,” I said against his mouth. “I just…Can we give it time?” He pulled back from me, his hand dropping from my face, leaving me cold. “Spencer, you’ve never done this before, you went through a lot of high emotions this weekend… that might have affected how you think you’re feeling.”
Spencer gave a jerk, abruptly pulling completely away from me. “I know exactly how I fucking feel.” His words were low and harsh. Without looking back at me he stormed out of my apartment.  
The tears didn’t come until I saw he had left his coffee cup behind.
--
I was only 15 minutes late for work, and I think I had fixed my face enough so that it didn't look like I had been crying. The team was already in the conference room when I arrived. I darted inside, mumbling my apologies.
“Did you sleep in,” Morgan teased from beside me.
I just shot him an obviously fake glare. “Maybe.”
That seemed to ease the tension in the room…except the tension that was coming from the man sitting in between JJ and Morgan, the man refusing to look at me.
My heart broke more every single second he ignored me. But this is what I deserve.
Garcia walked into the room then, iPads and casefiles in hand. “Welcome back, crimefighters. We’re coming in hot today but luckily we’re staying close to home!” She passed out the iPads to all of us, save my boy who got a paper file, with a huge smile on her face. “There’s a serial arsonist right here in D.C.!”
JJ laughed. “That’s a weird thing to sound happy about, Penelope.”
“And we have a problem,” Hotch said, walking into the room and shutting the door.
“Figures,” Morgan muttered. “We get a weekend off and come back to a problem.”
Garcia smiled at him before turning to Hotch. “A problem with what, Sir? I didn’t see any problems in the files. Other than murder…and destruction of property…Just general icky-ness.”
Hotch sighed, gesturing for her to put the photos on the monitor. "Over the past month, there have been three fires in Dupont Circle. So far 6 people have died. He seems to be targeting married couples with no children or pets."
“It’s not uncommon for arsonists to avoid places with pets,” Morgan mused.
“What is uncommon is how random the victims are. Garcia?” Hotch motioned for her to go on.
"Right, well D.C. Police didn't even realize the fires were connected at first. In the first two fires, they initially couldn't find the origin point where the fire started."
“What?” I asked. “How can the unsub be hiding that?”
“People can hide lots of things.” That comment came from my boy. I looked over at him, but he still refused to meet my eyes.
“That they can, Doc.”  
“That’s all the information we have Sir,” Penelope said to Hotch. “I’m not sure what the problem is.”
"The victims are too random, which is why I wanted to look them over before we officially accepted the case. I think I've found his pattern. Garcia," he said, shifting his focus to her. "Can you cross-reference the names of all the victims against BAU cases?"
As Garcia sat down and started typing Morgan turned to our unit chief. “What are you thinking here, Hotch?”
“I recognized one of the victims of the second fire. We questioned him years ago. Gideon and I were the ones that brought him in. There was a string of rapes in the Washington Highlands area.” Hotch crossed his arms over his chest. “We thought he looked good for it, but he had a solid alibi. His wife said she with him all night. The case was never solved.”
“Oh my god,” Garcia gasped out, her eyes wide. “We’ve brought all three male victims in for questioning on different cases over the years.”
“And there’s our problem. You’d either have to be a member of D.C. police or someone in the Bureau to know that they had been questioned.”
Fuck me running. “So, we have a serial arsonist that might be able to know every move we make as we make it?”
This day just keeps getting better and better.
--
After hours of speaking with the D.C. fire departments and working with local police, Derek and Prentiss made a discovery when they examined the crime scenes.
“I’m telling you Hotch," Morgan's voice rang out from the phone held in our unit chief's hand. "The scene has been tampered with. The reason they had a hard time finding the ignition point is because someone went to a hell of a lot of trouble to cover it up after the fact."
“That confirms our theory that the unsub is a member of law enforcement or the fire department,” Spencer chimed in.
Rossi came over to the table, his hands in his pockets, a worried look on his lined face. "Being a member of the fire department fits better if you're trying to hide the ignition point," he began. "But a firefighter wouldn't have access to the files on who was questioned.
Derek made a noise of agreement. “I think we might be looking at a team.”
“That would make sense,” I said, looking up from the files on the round table. “No firefighter showed up at all 3 fires. We know he’s organized, but arsonists are compulsive. He would have to be nearby to watch it all burn.”
“You think maybe an off-duty cop or firefighter was in the crowd,” Spencer said, finally, finally, finally meeting my eyes for the first time that day. His eyes were lit with excitement over figuring a puzzle out. “No one would notice a person like that being at all 3 fires. And nobody would notice if a firefighter or cop asked to come take a look once the fire was out.”  
I nodded. “Correct again, Doc.”
His gaze shuttered at that, his jaw locking, then he turned his back to me.
“We’re gonna have to re-interview all the firefighters and D.C. police,” Hotch said with a sigh. “He’s one of them.”
“I can ask Will if he’ll come in. A lot of the cops in his prescient have also worked Dupont Circle in the past. Maybe he can help us narrow it down,” JJ chimed in.
Hotch nodded. “Tomorrow. We all need to go home tonight. D.C. police are on high alert. We’re not going to catch him tonight. Get some rest.”
With that dismissal, the team disbanded from the conference room.
I tried to catch him, but my boy was gone before I even got back to my desk.
--
“Hey, Spence. It’s me again. I…I know that you probably don’t want to talk to me. You also probably don’t want me leaving you voicemails. You hate voicemails. But…I’m just worried about you and I want to know that you’re okay. Please call me back.”
"Hey, Doc. I'm just checking on you again. Please call me back."
“Spencer, please don’t do this to me. I’m sorry.”
--
The clock above my TV said that it was almost midnight, but I wasn’t aware of any time passing. My eyes were swollen from crying but the rest of my body felt numb. I had been calling and texting Spencer for hours with no reply. I couldn’t believe that he would do this to me…especially after what I told him yesterday.
It’s strange how this weekend already feels like it was years ago. The best two days of my life…gone. Maybe my ex was right...maybe I’m not worth it.
My thoughts were interrupted by a banging on my door that was so loud and so sudden I almost jumped out of my skin.
Having every intention of just ignoring whoever it was, I didn't move to get up. But then the banging got louder.
I quickly scrambled to my gun safe, putting my thumb against the sensor to unlock it. Gun in hand, I moved towards the door. The banging was constant now, and so forceful I was worried my door would fly off the hinges.
I looked through the peephole in my door, my gun gripped in my right hand. I saw him at the same time he spoke. “Y/n,” Spencer called, pounding on my door. “Let me in!”
I put my gun down and had the lock off and the door open in seconds. "Spencer, what in the ever-loving fu-“
My words were cut off because he pushed through the door, entering my apartment without even looking at me. This feels familiar. I turned to face my boy, angry but in a different way than I had seen him before. “What are you doing here, Doc?”
He gave a bitter smile at that. “We’ve been here before. Don’t call me Doc right now.” Spencer shoved his hands in his pockets. “I’m sorry I didn’t answer your messages. At first, I was ignoring you, but then I…went somewhere where I couldn’t have my phone.”
His words felt like an ice pick in my heart. “You were ignoring me?” My voice was small. “And…you went…” I couldn’t finish my thought; I just wrapped my arms around my middle.
“Yes, y/n,” he said simply. “I was ignoring your calls. I didn’t…” His tongue ran over his bottom lip as he considered me. “I was afraid of what I’d say…what I’d do.”
“Oh.”
Spencer shifted his weight from foot to foot. “I went to a meeting. Then I went across town and went to another one.”
“Spencer." My voice was a whisper, emotions threatening to overtake me. "I'm so fucking sorry.” I hurt him so much he went to multiple meetings? I did that to him?
“You don’t have anything to apologize for.” His tone wasn’t dismissive just…impersonal. “Your actions are your own, how I respond to those actions is all I can control.”
“Did the…did you?”
He pulled both of his lips between his teeth. He knew what I meant. He always knows. “No, y/n, I didn’t.” His tongue tapped against his top lip. “But, I really, really fucking wanted to.”
My entire body went cold. “Spencer, I didn’t mean to-“
"Don't, y/n." His hands left his pockets; he crossed his arms over his chest. "I know. I was in the middle of my second meeting when I realized. I was thinking about the quickest way I could get in touch with my old dealer." I winced at his words. "Because…how was I supposed to live with the fact that you dismissed the most…" I saw his anger rising again as he thought about it. "It was one of the most important fucking moments of my life,y/n!” The voice that was usually so soft was laced with bitterness.
My tears started falling then. “Spencer I never meant to hurt you.” I curled my body more into myself. “I…I don’t know how to fix this.”
"That's when I realized what was happening," he continued like I hadn't spoken. "I remembered the look on your face when I told you that you were all sunshine and kindness. You balked at the idea." His eyes bore into me, laying me bare. "You're trying to protect yourself, and it's a natural instinct. But you're hurting me to do it.”
I saw the moment his anger left his body. His shoulders relaxed, his eyes went glassy and I felt the hurt wash over him. “You have to stop doing this,” he whispered, his voice strained. Each one of the tears that fell from those beautiful brown eyes was a knife in my stomach. “You have to let someone care about you.” Spencer cut the distance between us. He reached for me, his hands come up to hold my face, while his own crumpled. “You have to let me care about you.”
I couldn’t bear to see him cry; I couldn’t live with myself when I was the cause of this wonderful, beautiful man’s pain. I looked straight into his eyes, taking in all the pain I’d caused. “I want to, Doc,” I whispered. “But I don’t know how.”
His mouth crashed against mine. Spencer was desperate in a way I hadn’t felt before; he ripped my shirt from my body while I tugged his shirt free from his pants. His mouth moved down to my neck, sucking harshly while I worked his belt off. I slipped my hand inside of his underwear, palming him. He was already hot and hard, and I ached for him. I’m not sure which one of us pulled the other down to my living room floor, but I felt the cool wood on my back as Spencer settled over me.
His hand came up to brush my hair out of my face. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered. The pressure of his hands changed. The desire still burned between us, but it wasn’t fueled by pain and rage. Spencer kissed me like I was the most precious thing he’d ever held. His fingers were soft when they slipped into my panties, finding me already wet for him. There was no smirk on his face when he unfastened his pants or when he pulled mine off.
He held himself against me, not quite inside of me yet. Spencer Reid, my wonderful, darling, nervous boy leaned over me, put his mouth against my neck when he entered me. My back arched and I moaned loudly at the invasion. He peppered kisses from my shoulder, around my neck, until he reached the other side. His mouth moved up my cheek, finally finding my lips while he continued to move inside me.
This felt different than last night. If last night was making love…I don’t know what this could be. I felt like Spencer was inside every part of me, consuming me. He pulled back, looking in my eyes, his thrusts never slowing. “I know you’re not ready to hear it,” he whispered. “But you need to know I feel it. I’ve felt it since the first time you smiled at me, y/n.”
He moved his hand down between our bodies, brushing against my clit. I hadn’t thought I’d be able to cum, but he quickly proved me wrong. I felt my orgasm rising up inside me but even it felt different. It wasn’t frantic or intense, it was slow and powerful…it was perfect, just like my boy was.
Spencer felt when my orgasm started to break. “When you’re ready to hear it, I’ll never stop telling you. I will tell you about how I’ll feel it forever, and how no one has ever felt it the way I do with you.”
I’m not sure if I started crying from the sudden release of the orgasm or from his words, but tears slipped down my cheeks while I held him to me tightly when he found his own pleasure.
“Stay with me,” he whispered against my mouth.
Always.
--
Both of our phones went off at 5 am the following morning.
“Hurry!” Garcia’s first text read. The second made my stomach drop. “There was another fire!”
We arrived on the scene as quickly as we could. I didn't live very far from Spencer, so it wasn't that weird for me to swing by his place and "pick him up." In reality, he just needed to change his clothes. His left hand held onto my right as we drove towards the fire that had claimed 2 more lives.
“We have to talk,” he said at last.
“I know.” Because I did.
“After the case?”
I nodded, bringing our joined hands up so I could press a kiss to the back of his hand.
--
The next two victims were just like the others; a husband who had been questioned in a serial murder investigation by the BAU and the wife that was his alibi. After interviewing everyone again we kept coming up with one name over and over. Edward Gordon was a responding officer at the first and third fires, but several people remember seeing him at fire two. He was on duty for the fourth fire and was already on the scene when the BAU agents showed up.
He had applied to the FBI academy but was denied; that denial didn’t stop him from applying to the D.C. police department. He fit the profile; he had the connections needed to pull it off. We were on our way to his house with a warrant. I was sitting in the passenger seat while Morgan drove; Prentiss and Rossi were in the back. “I don’t like this,” Rossi muttered.
“What’s up?” Derek asked.
"I don't know," the older man said. "It just feels…gift wrapped." He turned to look at Emily. "It wasn't until the firefighter you talked to remembered him that anyone else remembered him.”
“Right,” Emily said, consulting her notes. “Jeff Sawyers. He’s 35, married, and well-liked by everyone. We ruled him out.”
Rossi shook his head. “Everyone we talked to said that Gordon was a loner, he didn’t stick out. No one noticed him. So why did Sawyers?”
“Maybe he felt something? Like when the hairs on the back of your neck stand up?” Morgan offered.
“Well,” Rossi said with a sigh, sitting back. “I don’t know about you guys, but the hairs on the back of my neck are already up.”
Mine are too.
--
Arresting Edward Gordon was too easy. He didn’t put up much of a fight, which made me more nervous.
“Guys,” Spencer called while Morgan loaded Gordon into a suburban. “This doesn’t feel right.”
Hotch nodded. “Something is off. Stay sharp, we need to clear the area.”
We broke off into teams to do another sweep of Gordon’s house. I was with Hotch in the basement, Rossi and Reid took the main floor, and JJ and Prentiss to the top.
“There’s nothing,” I said when we all met again on the front porch. “But something feels wrong.”
Emily nodded. “Maybe we should canvas surrounding houses?”
“Not a bad idea,” Rossi mused. “Maybe somebody saw something…or maybe somebody is actually someone.”
“I’ll go tell Morgan,” my boy said, turning to head for the car parked on the side of the road.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something move in the upstairs window of the house directly across the street. I saw it a moment before everyone else; I was already sprinting towards Reid before the others had a chance to react.
Not him, no not him, I begged. I wasn’t even sure who I was begging. Please not him, please.
Spencer heard the others shout his name; my jaw was locked together in panic, unable to speak. I slammed into him hard, knocking him out of the way just in time.
I felt fire rip through my shoulder, I heard bullets ring out behind me. I didn't pay attention to any of it though.
Why is he crying? I thought my heart sinking into misery. Please don’t cry, my darling boy. I can’t stand it.
His hands were so warm when he cupped my face. These circumstances were different from the last time he held me like this, but my heart squeezed just the same.
“Why,” his voice was strangled. “Why would you do that?”
Blackness edged around my vision. I wanted to make some funny quip to try to make him smile, but I couldn’t draw in enough air. So, I settled for the simplest and truest thing I could say.
“Because I love you.”
-- Spencer’s POV –
In times when I felt overwhelmed, I always counted things. It was a sort of compulsion that started when I was a child. When my parents would fight, I’d count the number of specks in each tile on the kitchen floor. I’d count the number of seconds between each shout. When Tobias had me all those years ago, I counted the boards around the cabin.
I couldn’t focus on anything long enough to count now.
Derek was to my right; Emily was to my left. Hotch was across the room sitting with his head in his hands. Rossi stood near JJ, his arm around her.
It’s not right, I thought. None of this is right because she’s not here. She has to be here.
I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to…how am I supposed to breathe without her?
“How long?” Morgan’s voice broke through the silence. I didn’t need to ask what he meant.
“37 days, 5 hours, 17 minutes, and 45 seconds. Since the case in Nebraska.”
I saw him nod out of the corner of my eye. Emily raised her hand to place it on my shoulder. Usually, their touches made my skin hurt. I couldn't handle the constant pressure and sometimes they would rub patterns on my skin meant to bring me comfort but all it did was set my teeth on edge. Nobody had ever understood that.
But she did. She knew how to touch me without me telling her. She always checked in with me during everything. I had never felt safer in my entire life than I did in her arms.
And she’s not here.
Penelope burst into the room a moment later. “What happened?” Her big eyes were swimming in tears behind her glasses. Morgan stood and went to her, wrapping her in his arms.
Bitterness rose up in my throat. What if when she was dying was my last chance to hold her? What if all this was my fault? Would she have jumped in front of a bullet for another team member? Logically, I knew she would have. That’s just who y/n is…but I couldn’t shake this feeling that this wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t-
My thoughts went blank when another man walked into the room; he had on blue scrubs and a mask hanging around his neck. He’s the doctor. I shot to my feet, halfway across the room before the others even realized someone else had entered.
“You’re all here for Y/l/n?” he asked, his eyes darting around.
I opened my mouth to speak but no sound came out; I was frozen. My heart was currently in a paradox. She was my very own Schrödinger’s cat. She was both alive and dead and somehow neither at the same time. I now understood that experiment better than I ever had before.
I couldn’t ask the doctor because what if she was gone? What if I got 37 days, 5 hours, 19 minutes, and 3 seconds to hold her…but I had to go the rest of my life without ever seeing her light again? I had told y/n she was sunshine…but she was so much more. She was the sun itself. Without her in this world, nothing would be there to hold my universe together, leaving everything to spin out into freezing darkness.
What if she’s already gone? What if I haven’t had her the past 24 minutes? 15 minutes?
Hotch spoke for me. “Yes, how is she?”
“The bullet nicked her brachial artery; she lost a lot of blood. Luck you had medics so close by. It was touch and go for a moment, but we were able to repair the damage. She should make a full recovery.”
I felt my entire universe shift; my legs were suddenly unable to hold me. I felt someone grab my shoulders when my knees hit the hard floor. My mind flashed with every moment we had had together. Her kind smiles, the way she cocked her head to the side when she was teasing me, the look on her face when she finally trusted me enough to let me be with her the way I had always wanted.
“Kid,” Rossi’s voice said, I only then realized he was who had grabbed me. “She’s gonna be okay. Y/n is gonna be fine.”
His voice was soft, I could barely hear it over the sound of someone sobbing. It took me a minute longer to realize the sobbing was coming from me.
Yes, she was going to be fine…but for how long? How long did I get her until she had to jump in front of another bullet to save me? How long did I get to have the sun before I did something to make it disappear? I could live in a world where she didn’t love me, but I couldn’t live in a world where she didn’t exist.
“Because I love you," she had said. She jumped in front of a bullet because she loved me. But did she even love me? Or did she just tell me what I needed to hear because she thought she was dying?
I finally understood why she was so afraid of love because I had never loved anything the way I loved her.
My body went cold when I realized what I had to do. Every possible future I imagined ended with her the way she was earlier today, bleeding out because she loved me. I couldn’t be responsible for putting her light out. She’d never forgive me. And none of that mattered if I got to live in a world where she was still breathing. Where I got to love her. Even if she didn’t love me back.
Rossi’s grip tightened around me. “Let’s go see your girl, Spencer.”
My voice was hollow as the gravity of everything fell down around me. “I-I don’t think I can.”
-- Reader POV –
The first thing I became aware of was how goddamn bright it was. My eyes started to flutter open and they immediately shut in a wince. The second was the pain.
“Oh, this is some bullshit,” I muttered, trying to pry my eyes open.
I heard several chuckles at my words. “There she is! Feisty as ever!”
That was Morgan. Why is Morgan here? Where is here? It all started coming back in flashes. The house…the unsub…the fires…the gun pointing out the window. Spencer!
My eyes finally opened all the way. I heard the beeping of machines and I smelt antiseptic. Once my vision came into focus, I saw my team filling the room. JJ was crying and holding Garcia. Derek and Emily were closest to me on either side. But…I didn’t see that curly mop of hair.
“What happened? Is Spencer all right?” My words were frantic as I tried to sit up.
“Woah, woah, woah!” Morgan’s hand pressed against my shoulder, keeping me still. “Reid is fine. And you need to rest.”
He’s fine. He’s fine. I kept repeating that over and over again in my mind. “What happened?” I asked, my throat was dry and scratchy.
“It was a trap,” Hotch said from the end of my bed. “Gordon and Sawyers were working together. We had profiled Gordon to be the dominant member if we were looking at a team, but it was Sawyers who called the shots. He just used Gordon’s rage for his own advantage. Apparently, Sawyers’ sister died in a murder investigation 2 years ago. He blamed the BAU because we were called in but the man he suspected had an alibi. Sawyers was in the house across the street…”
Right. There was a gun…and it was pointed at Spencer. “Did you get him?”
Hotch nodded. “Gordon is in custody. Sawyers is dead.”
“Good,” I mumbled. “If Spencer is okay, where is he?”
There was an awkward pause for a moment before anyone spoke. “Let me go get the Doctor. I’m sure they want to know you’re awake,” JJ said before quickly leaving the room.
“I think he just needs a minute, Kiddo,” Rossi said gently.
“Oh, and don’t think for one goddamn minute you’re gonna be able to weasel out of telling us about you and Reid.” Morgan looked positively giddy. “He said since Nebraska, y/n.” Prentiss shot him a glare, to which Morgan only shrugged.
I sighed, but then quickly realized how much that fucking hurt. “I guess the cat is out of the bag.”
An older man entered the room then. “Hello, Agent y/l/n. I’m Dr. Richardson. I’d like to check you over if I could? And your friends can leave the room.”
Emily brushed her hand over the top of my head. “We’ll be back.”
--
I had a repaired artery, gotten a transfusion, and somehow fractured a rib. Oh, and a new scar near my shoulder. The bullet was through and through, and scars were just scars.
None of that bothered me as much as my boy’s absence. The rest of the team had left hours ago. Garcia promised she’d be back bright and early and that she would be making a schedule of who was going to visit me each day and at what time. I didn’t bother trying to talk her out of it.
I had brought up Spencer a few times, I had asked for my phone to call him…but everyone had always changed the subject or tried to redirect my attention. After everything that had happened, him avoiding me now almost hurt as bad as the bullet wound.
There was a hesitant knock on the door that made my heart jump. I know that knock. Sure enough, the door pushed open to reveal the only person I wanted to see. His hair was messy like he’d been running his hands through it, the dark circles under his eyes were more pronounced, and he was in different clothes than he had had on Tuesday morning. But even though I was so happy to see him I just felt something…wrong.
“Hey Doc,” I said softly.
Spencer came to stand at the end of my hospital bed, his eyes flat, his hands gripping the plastic rails. “How are you feeling?” he asked, his voice was raspy and hollow.
“I’ve been better,” I joked in an attempt to lighten the mood.
My boy just sighed. “That was really fucking stupid, y/n.”
“What are you talking about? I wasn’t going to let him shoot you.”
His knuckles whitened as his grip tightened on the bed. “So, you let him shoot you? How does that make any fucking sense, y/n?!”
My voice was small, “Because it wouldn’t be you that got hurt. Why are you being like this, Spence?”
He ran a hand over his face, licking his lips before he spoke. “I just feel bad about this because…you were right.”
“I’m right fairly often, Doc. You’ll have to be a bit more specific.”
“About my feelings,” he said his eyes were on me, but they weren’t focused. “You were right when you said that they were just a chemical reaction to what happened this weekend. You said they would pass, and you were right.”
I couldn’t breathe. I felt like all the air had been taken out of the room.
Spencer went on. “I’m sorry if I led you on, y/n. I enjoyed our time together, but it’s not something I’d want to pursue long term. I’m embarrassed of how I acted, especially since it gave you the wrong impression.”
“Oh.” My entire body went cold and I felt my heart drop.
“I also think we should end our personal relationship.”
I blinked back tears, he sounded so impersonal. “We can’t even be friends?”
His hands lifted from the bed, his arms crossing over his chest. “We weren’t friends before, y/n.”
I pulled both of my lips between my teeth, taking small breaths so my body wouldn’t hurt more than it needed to. “I appreciate the honesty, Doc. I really do.” I turned my head to the side, unable to look at him any longer. “But this is a weird fucking time to do it.”
“I know,” he said, his tone not changing. “But I think your judgment has been compromised. I don’t think we can have any sort of relationship when it makes you do something so reckless because you think…” He trailed off.
“Because I think what, Reid?” I spat out.
“Because you think I care about you more than I do.”
I scoffed, not caring about the pain. “I didn’t take a bullet for you because I thought you cared about me.” I did it because of how much I cared about you. “You’re a member of the team, I would have done the same for any of them.”
“Then maybe you should reevaluate your place in this team.”
I think it would have hurt less if he just punched me in the bullet wound “Thanks a whole fucking lot, Reid. I’ll do that.”
He dropped his arms and turned to walk out of my room. “I’m glad you’re okay, y/n.”
His hand had just pulled the door open when I called out. “Reid…did I say anything? After I was shot?”
The man that used to be my darling boy turned to look at me, his face was unreadable. "Not that I heard, no." With that, he was gone. He just walked out of my room like he didn't rip me to shreds like he didn’t take my entire heart with him.
My heart jumped with hope when the door opened again, only to plummet when I saw it was just the nurse. “Are you alright, dear?” she asked, coming to fiddle with the machines that monitored my vitals. “Oh, my lord. You’re crying! Are you in a lot of pain?” she didn’t wait for an answer, she just started for the door. “I’ll get your next dose of pain meds, be right back.”
She could do that…but I don’t think this pain will ever go away.
--
Series tag list: @abschaffer2 @liaabsurd @brokenanxiety @thisiscalmandits-dr @less-intelligent-spencerreid @reidsmyhusband-emilysmymistress @cielo1984 @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @101donuts @heyitssarahk @creepingfromthecorners @fanfictionislifetho @annestine @boiled-onionrings @gublerspublers @dolanfivsosxox @lamusaeuterpe @publiusvirgilius @suzystuff @differentkettleoffishalltogether @georgiamae @thatsonezesty13 @addie5264 @hopefulfangirl24 @april-14-blog @whateverthefuckm8 @alissablake
Taglist for all my writing: @rachelxwayne @pinkdiamond1016 @sickeninglyshoujo @justagirllookingforherplace @nanocoool @imjusthereformggcontent @andiebeaword​
Let me know if you’d like to be added to either taglist 😌
350 notes · View notes
Text
Fever Dreams
NOTE: Sorry guys for the delay but work kept me from having free time but I was able to come up with this. someone requested a sick baby Danvers getting a fever after some stressful event and then being taken care by her sisters. Hope you like it, I now figured out I cannot do small stories or prompts. I kept writing until I saw the number of pages lol anyways, enjoy. 
word count: 5937
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You were discussing some ideas with your boss, Regina, she laughs at something you said when suddenly she received a call. She holds up her hand signaling for you to wait for a moment so she can take the call.
Regina: “yes? , yes she is here. Oh, I see. Yes, I understand. Ok, I’m sending her downstairs right away. No thanks are needed.” - her smile fell and started at you with sorrow in her eyes.  She walks to you and holds your hands looking straight into your eyes-
 Y/n; “was that about me?” - you asked afraid of the answer.
 Regina: “ y/n I need you to listen and don’t panic. There was a situation involving your sisters. I don’t know the details, but you are needed downstairs. Lena Luthor is here for you; you need to go with her. Don’t worry about work, please take off the time you need and don’t forget that whatever you need I’m here for you”
 At the mention of situation involving your sisters, you pale and basically ran from your boss’s office to the reception area where Lena Luthor was already waiting for you, her face hard and imposing. Not really reflecting any emotion. So, you couldn’t really get how bad the situation was.
 Y/n: “please tell me they’re are okay?” - you tear up not knowing what to expect.
 Lena grabs ahold of you and hugs you hard and in very calm and soft voice for only you able to hear says: “they’re alive. They were taken to the DEO. Their condition is unknown, I came for you as soon as I found out. Come on sweet girl. We need to go”
 You just nod and let Lena drag you into her car. Your mind and heart running a hounded miles per hour thinking of all worst-case scenarios possible. You are even dreading one them is dead or worse both and you are not being told the truth. You feel your anxiety rise and your hands are a tremble mess.
Lena notices but when you look at her, you schooled your emotions and try to look detached from your thoughts, you need to be strong for your sisters. You need to focus on them, and you can’t let Lena or anyone else worry over you on top of everything. So, you just swallow and bottle everything up.
 Y/n: “I’m okay Lena, I just need to see them” - you say in a monotonous tone and hold your hands in your lap.
 Lena: “I’m worry too sweetheart. But we are almost there” - she gives your arm a  gentle squeeze and turns to look at her phone. You know she must be running all possible scenarios and outcomes in her head; Lena is a very analytical person. You take a deep breath and try to comfort her; Lena needs you too.
 Y/n: “you know we are talking about the two most stubborn and powerful women we know. They are highly trained and one of them is basically indestructible. And the other is pretty much a ninja” - you give Lena a warm smile and you can see a hint of a smile on her and you grab her hand in yours.
 You both arrive at the DEO and you are immediately received by Jon and lets you know what happened and the current condition of both Danvers sisters.
 The mission was compromised, and Alex was taken out of the location unconscious, blood in the back of her head, a contusion and is currently in the intensive care unit because they are monitoring her heart. The worse of the attack was inflicted upon Kara. Somehow the unsubs got ahold of green Kryptonite lined spears and Kara was hit with 6 of them. She lost a lot of blood and she was currently in a coma due to the severity of the injuries and blood loss.
 Lena asked to be able to see Kara and foresee the blood transfusion with the blood the DEO was able to get from Kara previously and she kept guarded in her lab for situations such as this.
 You let her, not quite ready prepare to see Kara in such state. You also didn’t want Alex alone, so you asked to be taken to her.  They were in different areas for their treatments and would take a while before they could be placed in the same room.
 You are now siting next to Alex in the ICU, she has some bruises and cuts littering her arms and face. A bandage on the back of her head, she looks peacefully asleep. However, there’s a bunch of wires and tubes everywhere and they are keeping close watch on her heart rate and they have her under sedation. After a while of you holding your big sister hand, the door opens, and you can see Lena on the other side. you walk out of the ICU room to speak with her. She gives you a rundown of the status with Kara, and asks you if you want to see her while she stays with Alex. You nod and walk to your blonde superhero sister medical room. You steel yourself, prepare for what you are about to see and make sure you don’t show any anxiety or discomfort you sister can pick up on. They need to focus on healing, no worrying on their baby sister. You again put on a brave face and keep walking.
 When you enter the medical wing where they have the sunlamps installed, you are face with the vision of your powerful and bubbly blonde sister, she looks so still and small in the bed, she is covered with a white blanket but you can definitely  see bruises on her, bruises!!! She never bruises. She looks so pale, and there’s a bag of blood next to her arm, the transfusion they mentioned before. And you take a shuddering breath and walks further into the room, you place a gentle kiss on her forehead and sit next to her. You take her hand in yours, and you note she feels cold and she is never cold. She is quite the opposite; she is a furnace all the time. But her hands are cold, and she looks pale and she has bruises and cuts on her arms. You feel so sad and lost, she is supposed to be almost indestructible and somehow someone made sure to have available the one thing that could bring Supergirl to her knees, to hurt her …to kill her.
 You push your worries and anxiety away and try to calm and look this the positive way, they are here. They are both alive and they will recover from this. You stay with Kara for a long time, you are not sure how long, but after a while you are being asked to step out so they can check on Kara and move Alex from the ICU to Kara’s medical room.
 For the next two days you stay strong, keep a brave face and make sure to leave and get food and coffee for Lena and the team taking care of your sisters. You need to feel useful, make sure you don’t crumble under pressure and anxiety at looking at your sisters so beaten up. Alex woke up after 12 hours and she was very out of it for the concussion and looked terribly exhausted. Kara was doing better the sunlamps working their magic, but she did end up blowing off her powers and she was healing slower than usual, but on the mend. she was mostly recovered after 36 hours but was kept at the DEO anyways.
 You walk into one of the labs Lena is working on some samples to bring her lunch. She’s been working nonstop on getting a suit or artifact to make sure Kara never gets affected by kryptonite like this again. She has her tablet on her hand and looks furious.
 y/n: “knock knock… hi Lena, here I brought you lunch., I noticed you haven’t left this place so here. Salad, a chicken wrap and iced tea. Healthy enough right?”
 Lena changes her demeanor instantly and covers her tablet, facedown on the table.
 Lena: “Hi sweetie, you’re a Gods send, no I haven’t eaten so I’m starving. Thank you so much.” – she is about to dig into her food when there’s a phone call to one of the phones in the lab. She perks up immediately.
 Kara: “Kara woke up from her nap, do you mind if I go and say hello?  and then you can stay with her ill come back and eat lunch and you can have yours with Kara”
Y/n: “Of course, I don’t mind your dork, Ill stay here while you say hello and then we will switch spots.”
 Lena almost runs into the med bay to see Kara and she forgets to lock and take the tablet with her. You notice the tablet and got curious, whatever Lena was watching seemed to make her very mad, so you decided to be nosy and took the tablet. It was a video, you hit play and what you see is the worst things you could’ve witness.
 Is the footage from the mission, you can see how Kara is getting attacked by the spears, embedding into her skin like butter. She shouldn’t be hurt that easily and you see your sister bleed from different spots. Then there’s movement and lots of people getting hurt and all of sudden Alex and Jon run into the place Kara is kneeling and bleeding. Jon is now trying to control de attacker, Alex notices something and her eyes go wide with worry and gets in between whatever she is seeing and Kara. A sort of electric wave or shock hits Alex and she becomes airborne and then hits the floor hard, she is now unconscious on the floor. You can hear the most painful and devastating scream coming out of Kara, who is desperately trying to move to get to Alex the best she can with kryptonite om her body. She Is screaming Alex’s name and what follows makes your blood run cold.
[[Kara (voice from the video) “ Nooo  Alex!!! Jon help her heart just stopped!”-Jon finishes to subdue the enemy and runs towards Alex and you cant look away from the footage. Jon is shouting orders and he is doing CPR and Alex. Some agent runs with a black box and looks to be a defibrillator and they began to work on getting Alex back. She is basically dead; she has no heartbeat. They shock her 4 times before you can see Jon’s shoulders sag with relief and then Kara goes limp next to Alex. ]]
 You stop the video and lock the tablet. You have tears running down your cheeks, what you saw its just awful, you know your sisters are okay now, but they could’ve been killed, and they barely made it out there with their lives this time. how many times has this happened before? Are they always getting hurt like this? Would they die eventually on missions? Many scenarios began to pop up In your mind and how any day now you could lose them and become completely alone in the world. They are everything to you and now you just saw how bad things can get for them. You can breathe you feel like all air is leaving your lungs. So, you run, you don’t want for Kara or Alex finding out your saw that or that you need help, they don’t need to be looking out for you. You run to a led lined room and try to control your panic attack. You fall to the ground and pull your legs up towards your chest and try to control your breathing, you force yourself to steady your heart rate. You must control it; you need to shove it inside deep inside and don’t let it show. For them, you need to keep this from them.  After a very long time you feel yourself drifting out from exhaustion and then you sit there alone until you can feel more normal.  
 You find a restroom and clean your face and then you look at your reflection, you look haunted and exhausted. You wash your face and try to compose yourselves. You leave the room and then you see Lena walking towards you.
 Lena: “There you are! I’ve been trying to find you for almost an hour. Are you okay? Are you sick or hurt?” - Lena is looking at you from head to toes trying to see what’s wrong. You need to control it.
 y/n: “I’m fine Lena. I was waiting for you, but I was starting to get sleepy, so I just left to walk it off for a bit and clear my head. I guess time slipped from me”
 Lena didn’t press much, but you could see she didn’t buy it completely she looked suspicious of you but let it slide for now “Ok, that’s okay. Kara and Alex have been asking for you. Why don’t you go see them? They will be able to go home tomorrow”
 Y/N: “Yeah totally I’m om my way and finally and can’t wait to have them home. Are you coming or what?”
 You and Lena spend the afternoon with the Danvers sisters and Alex noticed something was off with you, so you tried to deflect and avoid getting any attention from them, they needed to focus on themselves. Not you.
 Alex: “Kiddo you look tire why don’t you just jump in bed with me and sleep for a while? Come on!”- the red head pats the bed next to her and you want it so bad, to lay there and be comforted by your sister but you can’t. You need to show them you are strong and can be the one looking out for them this time.
 y/n:”I’m not tired Alex, I’m okay. Do you need anything water, food or a snack?”
 Kara: “Sweet girl stop, we are good. But you do look a bit run down. You been here for days and you haven’t slept or eaten enough. Just rest for a little; if not with Alex come on, you can sleep with me, Please? I really could use on of your certified hugs? - Kara gives you the best puppy eyes she can muster.
 Alex “Hey, I asked first, and I want a hug too” – she pouts
 You chuckle at her antics and you can see Lena looks quite suspicious of you and is looking more at you than any of the remaining Danvers in the room. So you walk to Alex and  give her a hug and a kiss “I love you, but I will lay down with Kara because you still have burnt marks on your chest and I don’t want to hurt you”
Alex just pouts but she doesn’t really care about who you end up crashing on, she just wants you to rest and sleep for a while. So, you comply. Besides you lied, because you know Kara is always running hot, she hardly notices when you are running a fever and you can feel yourself getting a headache and you do feel a bit warm. But you think is just stress and if you sleep for a while it will go away.
 Kara opens her arms and smiles broadly “Come on little one, jump in and give me some sugar”
 You walk to Kara and get comfortable next to her and you inhale her scent, you can always find comfort in their smell and their touch. You let yourself drift off and then, you’re out like a light. You might be more tired than you pretended no to be.
 The room becomes silent for a few minutes.
 Alex: “Is she out?” - she asks Kara who nods in approval.
 Kara is running her fingers through y/n hair and Lena walks towards Kara and y/n.
 Lena: “She is out. Something is off with her. She’s been extremely quiet, not in a bad way but like she seems to be trying to avoid breaking down or look too preoccupied. She took into herself to run food and drink errands for everyone, trying to keep busy at all times. Even when she was siting with any of you, she would look a little detached.”  
 Alex: “she is deflecting, and she does looks exhausted. Poor thing. I bet it was awful on her getting both her sister hurt. She needs to rest too, and we will make that happened”
 Kara just hums in approval; she is too preoccupied looking down at y/n running her fingers through her hair and hummin softly a song. Lena just keeps watching Kara make soothing strokes on y/n.
 Lena: “well, I leave for now to make sure the fridge is stocked up and have your beds ready with fresh sheets. Alex, Kara and I think its better if you stay at Kara’s and Y/N for a few days.  y/n said you can have her room, I will stay with Kara and even tough y/n said she was taking the couch, she is most likely than not be using  you as her human teddy bear and sleep with you”
 Alex: “ yeah, I guess that’s the best. I want to keep a close eye on y/n. make sure she really is okay. And she will feel better if she has us around for the next couple of days”
 Y/n moves in her sleep and scrunches up her face in disapproval of the noises in the room.
 Kara just hums and keeps the soothing patterns “Shh sleep little one. You’re okay”
 Lena whispers “Ok I’m leaving I’ll be back in the morning to take you all home” – she then gives Kara a sweet kiss on her lips and runs down gently her fingers on y/n temple. –“Sleep good sweet girl”
 Kara “Good night baby. See you in the morning”
 Alex: “Good night Lena, thank you for everything. See you in the morning”
 Lena: “None needed Alex, it’s my pleasure besides who kept everyone motivated and going was here our sweet y/n. She deserves the credit for keeping us sane and fed.  Now she deserves a good night rest”
 Alex and Kara nod and say goodbye and continue to watch over y/n during the night. In the morning Lena arrives early so they all can leave. But she is concerns when she sees that y/n still asleep.
 Kara: “good morning my love. We are ready. I´ll carry the goober here I have pretty much all my strength back so I’m good to go. She woke up a little while ago to eat some fruit and a jell-O. But she pretty much passed out after that. She is completely exhausted”
 Kara is now wearing pants and looks like she just took a shower. y/n is passed out on the hospital bed slightly snoring next to Kara.
 Alex walks into the room also wearing DEO issued pants and carrying a small bag. “I’m ready to go”
 They all arrive at the Danvers apartment and settle down for the day. Kara carries y/n to her own room to let Alex in y/n room rest for a while. Being human she is not at 100% like she is. Lena and Kara end up in the kitchen deciding on lunch and Alex is now napping for a little bit as well.
 A little while after Kara walks into her room to check on y/n, she is still asleep which is now a bit worrisome.
 Kara: “y/n baby. Wake up. Come on, just wake up for a little bit to eat something”
 You began to stir in bed and give a cute yawn and waking up a bit more. You feel a headache and you don’t feel so good. But you remember what happened and notice you are in your sister room. You bolt upright.
 y/n: “what happened? what time is it? Why I’m I in your room?- you look frantic.
 Kara: “Calm down kiddo. We’re home. You were so tired, so we just let you sleep for a while. I brought you here to let you rest more.  And Alex took your room. Are you hungry?”
 y/n: “ohh ok, I guess I was more than tired than I thought. Yeah, I could eat”
 You walk to the kitchen next to Kara and you see Lena there platting some food.
 Lena “Hi there sleepy head, feeling better?” – Lena approaches you and gives you a peck on your cheek.
 Lena frowns at the warm feeling on your cheek and touches your forehead and cheeks with her hands.
 Lena: “Sweetie you feeling okay? You are a bit warm and your cheeks look a bit flush”
 Y/n: “I’m good, just tired. I think I’ll grab a bite and sleep some more”- you sit on one of the chairs at the counter and slump yourself on the table.
 Kara looks worried at you and she then looks back at Lena. “how warm, should I bring the thermometer?”
 You just grunt- “No Kara, I’m fine I just need food and more sleep. I’m okay no need to worry. You and Alex are the ones that were attacked and are recovering. I’m just sleep deprived”
 Kara: “y/n, don’t lie to me baby girl. Or I will go and get Alex to make sure you are really okay”
 y/n: “NO!!!, don’t bother her with this. Let her sleep, she needs it. I’m fine but if it does make you feel better bring the thermometer but just let Alex sleep”
 Lena and Kara look at you, confuse at your outburst. You seem to be a little on edge.
 Alex: “No need to worry about me sleeping. I’m up. What’s this all about?”
 Lena: “y/n feels a Little too warm and she seems tense”
 You give Lena a dirty look – “No I’m not, and I’m FINE. I just need more sleep to feel better and that’s all”
 Alex approaches you and feels your forehead and cheeks. She also puts her lips to your forehead, and you sigh in appreciation of having your sister near you. You rest your forehead on her shoulder and Alex just hold your near her.
 Alex: “You are a little warm, but nothing too bad. I’m giving you Tylenol for the headache and mild fever. Just eat something first”. - she hugs you for a little bit more and kisses your head and sits down next to you.
 After lunch Alex gave you Tylenol and the four of you ended up in the living room watching a movie. You avoided mentioning anything in regard the attack and the injuries your sisters sustain no wanted to let them know you saw what really happened to them. However, the movie you were all watching, was a Sci-Fi movie. Alex and Lena making remarks on how bad and unreal the effects were and you felt yourself tense at the images. There was one in particular, where a laser beam was aimed towards someone and you could see Alex being hit and then lying down on the ground dead. You couldn’t keep watching that it was all too raw. You could feel the anxiety and stress of those couple of days and you just turn into Alex to hold her close and hide your face in her neck, not wanting to keep watching or listening to the movie.
Lena noticed your demeanor change as well as your sisters. Kara got back her powers and could feel your heart rate increased and she paused the movie.
 Kara: “You okay little one?”- she asks but you just shrug and hide further into Alex.
 Alex is combing her fingers through your hair, but you nudge a bit to hard and you can feel Alex stiff a little and hiss in pain. You accidentally touched one of the burn marks on her chest.  You sit up and release your hold on Alex.
 You have tears in your eyes and feel so bad for hurting Alex: “I’m So sorry Alex. I, …I forgot you were still healing I didn’t mean it. I’m just tired.  I think I´ll just go to sleep; I don’t feel like watching the movie anymore. I’ll get the air mattress so you can still watch the movie or whatever you want. And whenever you are ready you can take the bed Alex. Good night” - you rambled nonstop and try to leave as fast as you can, but Alex grabs you by your waist and pulls you into her and prevent from you to run way.
 Alex: “hey hey none of that, you didn’t hurt me. It was an accident and I’m okay. Please calm down for a bit, take a deep breath. That’s it, deep breaths.” Alex holds you near and rubs up and down you back in a soothing way – “Don’t shut us out. You don’t have to pretend that what happened didn’t affected you and to be strong for us. We are okay, we are here with you and I know see us like that wasn’t easy for you. We know the risks but it’s different for you. So please let us in.”
 And that’s too much for you to handle and you just break down completely all the fears and anxiety you been building up for days now comes out through Gut-wrenching sobs that tore through your chest and you cling to Alex like a lifeline. You try to follow Alex’s instructions, but you just can’t, you feel tightening in your throat and you take short intakes of breath.  You starting to feel lightheaded and you faintly can hear her voice and now Kara’s, not sure who’s.
 You feel your legs being swept from under you and you know its Kara strong and caring arms carrying you.
 Alex: “Take her to the bedroom I’m getting her inhaler just keep trying to calm her down a little. Lena can you grab a cold compress and bring it to her room, please” – Alex says in a hurry and everyone moves.
  Kara: “Little one, I know I know please try to take a deep breath”- and you try but you start to cough and try to take a breath, but you keep choking.
 Alex: “I got it, here baby please take a puff” – you feel the inhaler being pressed to your mouth and try to get in the medication. You fail the first time and choke on air. “That’s Okay sweetie try again, here we go, breath in…” – this time you can get the medication in and you give rest to your burring lungs. A second time and you feel like you can breathe again.
 Kara: “that’s it little one, slow but deep breaths. Just like that” – Kara soothing voices echoes through your head as well as Alex’s.  You feel something cold being pressed to the back of your neck and forehead.
 You feel the relief of been able to breathe properly and you began to calm down a bit. Your sobs turn into sniffling and you are limp against Kara. But then you are being moved one more time, you feel a second pair of arms, Alex. Her soft and firm arms are embracing you and you feel more relaxed now. You want to apologize for the outburst, but you feel so very tired you can barely keep your eyelid opens anymore.
 Alex: “go to sleep sweet girl. We are here, you’re not alone and we are not going anywhere okay”
 Kara” Just sleep baby.”- you feel Kara fingers in run through your head and neck. And then you are out like a light.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You can see Alex lying on the ground dead, her eyes wide and void. No life in them. Just Gone. And Kara next to her barely alive, you run to her and put her head on your lap. Tears are running down your cheeks and you feel your chin trebling. Kara is so pale and cold; she is barely breathing.  and you can see her eyes are so sad, she knows Alex is gone and now your about to lose Kara too. And then her eyes start to close. And you cant stand that,” Kara no, no, no,no,no please wake up. You can leave me, please hang on wake-up Kara”- but Kara is too weak and tries to give you a small smile “I’m sorry sweet girl…” and she is gone…
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
y/n: “NOOOOOOOOOO!!!” – You bolt upright screaming and great tremor overtake you. Body wracked with an onslaught of sobs and tears. You try to move and then you feel arms around you.
 Kara runs into the room followed by Lena who notices you are being cradled by Alex and you look to be completely out of out of it. Sweat pouring down your face and body. Your cheeks red and blotchy.
 Alex: “her fever spiked, pass me the thermometer please”
 Lena presses the device to read the temperature on you and when there’s a beep 104°F Everyone’s eyes go wide with worry.
 Alex: “Kara take her to the bathroom; we need to lower her core temperature STAT”  
 You are mumbling incoherent things through choked sobs “No Kara, don’t leave, Alex dead. Please No…” -you keep crying and Kara takes you into the bathroom while Alex works on getting lukewarm water running in the bathtub, she steps inside and signals to Kara to lower you on her lap. You sister stripped you down to your underwear. You feel water on your body, and it feels like icy pricks all over and you try to move and scape the cold, but you can’t. you are being held down.
 Alex: “y/n baby please calm down; you are going to be fine. I’m here. We need to bring your temperature down” -she keeps holding you and trying to sooth you while Kara keep pouring water down your head, back, neck and arms. You stay in the water for a very long time, you are not sure for how long.
 y/n: “Why did you leave me Alex?” – you mumble softly and hide you face into the crook of her neck, Tears welled from deep inside and coursed down your cheeks.
 Alex and Kara look at loss, obviously they know their sister is hallucinating from the high fever.  
 Lena: “I Noticed something was off since that day at the DEO and I couldn’t find her. I forgot my tablet at the lab, and she was there. I wasn’t sure if she saw the footage but guessing from how she thinks you are dead; I think she took the tablet and watch the video from the mission”
 Alex nods and keeps trying to calm you down and bring down the fever “That’s okay sweet girl, I’m here. I’m here with you, I did not leave you” -she keeps her mantra of soft words and holding you.  “Lena do you have the a FeverAll suppository.?”
 Lena nods.
 Alex: “Okay, Kara I need you to take y/n I’m going to dry myself a little bit. Take her into her room and change her into a clean set of under wear and just gently remove the excess water, don’t dry her completely. That will keep her cool enough. Don’t put any pajamas on her, maybe just a lose tank top.  Lena if you could bring more cold compresses and water or if we have Pedialyte.  And just leave the medication in her night stand I will administrate that in a moment”
 Kara paces you in you bed and Lena walks in setting the things Alex requested on the nigh stand while touching your cheeks and forehead and you feel cooler to the touch. “She feels more cooler now, I’m going to leave the suppository here and the water. I´ll be in your room, so Alex and y/n have a little privacy for her to administrate the medication”
 Kara: “poor baby, she hates those. But they better for her. Ok Love I’ll be there in a bit. I just want to make sure she is okay and comfortable after Alex gets here”
 Lena: “Of course baby. Let me know if you need anything else”- Lena leans down to kiss your forehead and then kisses Kara and leaves the room.
 Alex walks in and checks y/n temp. still a mild fever, but not in comparison to what it was before the bath in lukewarm water.
Alex: “She is definitely cooler now, but I need to administrate the fever reducer suppository. Lower her underwear and Can you move her to lay on her left side please, and just bent her upper leg towards her abdomen?”
 You tense at Alex words; you really don’t like this kind of medication it’s too uncomfortable. You try to move away. Kara keeps you steady.
 Kara: “I know you don’t like them, and you don’t need to be embarrassed, this will help you feel better soon.” – you just looked at her with glazed eyes and sniff, resigned you knew she is right. But still you don’t like it.
 Alex put on a rubber glove and a bit of water-based lubricant on her finger to make things easier for you.
 Alex: “This will be quick I promise sweet girl just relax take a slow deep breath through your mouth”-you feel Alex push your leg a little bit more into your abdomen and Kara holds you still. You take a deep breath and you feel the uncomfortable sensation of the intrusion of a foreign object being pushed into your body that way. Alex is very gentle and does a quick job and waits a moment to prevent the expulsion of the suppository and then removes her glove and goes to wash her hands.
 Kara: “That was all. You did great little onel. Now close your eyes and relax, go back to sleep”
 Alex returns to the room and you are almost asleep on Kara, but when Kara sees Alex walk back into the room she moves you so you can still be lying down on your side but this time near Alex. The red head in turn gathers you in her arms and begins running a hand up and down your spine so you can relax and fall asleep. You feel Kara move from the bed and you tear up.
 Y/n: “Sissy can you stay too? Please, just tonight”- you don’t feel good and now you are definitely not trying to prove anything to anyone, you feel like shit and you want your sisters.
Kara: “Of course I can stay. Just let me go and say goodnight to Lena and I’ll be right back”
y/n: “okay”- you say in small voice and you began to move more into Alex. She holds you near and presses a cold compress to the back of your neck and face.
Alex: “Close your eyes baby, Kara will be right back. We are here and we are not leaving you sweet girl”- she keeps the soothing touches and you start to feel the heaviness of sleep and you are almost asleep when you feel the bed dip and a second touch on your temple.
Kara: “Lena says good night sweet girl and she promised to make chocolate chip pancakes in the morning, Yaaay” – Kara keeps her touch light and you feel her near, but not as close as Alex. They don’t want to overheat your skin and you feel their presence near you to be just perfect and you drifted-off into a dreamless sleep.
note II: all mistakes are mine, its late and I just finish this and post it like that. I need sleep.
126 notes · View notes
loserholland · 4 years
Text
𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐛𝐨𝐲
Tumblr media
Pairing ➺ Spencer Reid x SSA!Reader
Warning ➺ None really, just flashbacks to episodes from season 7 
Word Count ➺  6,408
Summary ➺  When the Reader needs a date to her sister’s wedding, Spencer volunteers to be her date.
A/N ➺ Please enjoy! Maybe I’ll do a part two, who knows! But the bold text are the readers thoughts (:
✿ 𝓟𝓮𝓻𝓶𝓪𝓷𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓣𝓪𝓰𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽 ✿ - @loveyathreethousand @taronxfiction @killerqueen-gunpowdergelatine@spideyyypeter @lou-la-lou @babebenhardy @rivervixenbaby @acklesholland@zabdisamor @keepingupwiththehollands @sweet666pea @sspider-parker@jackiehollanderr @caro0512 @thewinchesterchronicles @cporter003@kisses-holland @spideysnugget @cryszus @sunflowerharrystyles@peterunderoos @jessybellsworld @spider-mendes @ohbabycal​ 
@nerdgirljen​ 
@iloveyou3000morgan @random-things-i-love
*The strike through your name just means I couldn’t tag you, please message me if anything*
☞  Masterlist  ☜
“Shots!” 
Garcia shouted as she placed a the tray onto the table of the booth, it had been one hell of a long week and they finally had a free night. And with a free night meant head to the local bar make it one hell of a night.
Everyone reached for a shot glass whereas Reid raised his glass of Arnold Palmer.
The bar was slightly packed, mostly by FBI agents, the sound of music plus the amount of chatter in the club brought a smile to everyone’s faces. It’s been a while since they had gone to the bar as a team.
The booth was filled with laughter, the team had been talking about anything and everything, passing around jokes about one another.
Originally it was supposed to be a girls night, but the boys had begged that they allow we allow them to join. Well Rossi and Morgan were the ones who pleaded and insisted on dragging Reid and Hotch along.
(Y/N) felt her phone vibrate causing her to bring it out of her pocket wondering who was texting her at this time.
𝘚𝘰 𝘸𝘩𝘰’𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘸𝘦𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦?
She groaned loudly reaching for another shot placing her phone face down on the table. Morgan raised his brows lightly noticing her sudden mood change.
“What’s up with you (Y/L/N)?”
(Y/N) leaned back into the booth drawing out a long sigh before answering “Nothing, my sister was just asking who’s my date to her wedding which is next week.” 
Rossi chuckled lightly before asking, “Who’s the lucky fellow?”
Yeah that’s the thing
There was no lucky fellow.
“Funny story..”
The team had just gotten back from Atlantic city. It was one of those cases where Hotch had given the team a long weekend off.
(Y/N) sighed lightly opening the door to her apartment kicking her boots off as she entered and locking the door behind her. Shrugging her coat off and placing it on the coat rack, she walked over to the kitchen placing the stacks of mail she had gotten before coming upstairs. 
After one hell of a week, she opened a new bottle of red wine and poured it into a glass before heading into her room for a nice hot bath.Once she was done relaxing she headed back into the kitchen, sorting through her mail till she stumbled upon a wedding invitation.
𝗝𝗼𝗶𝗻 𝘂𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗲𝗱𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗳 𝗥𝘆𝗮𝗻 𝗔𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗦𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗹𝗲𝘁 (𝗬/𝗟/𝗡)
“𝘋𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵𝘴”
“𝘙𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴”
“Are you bringing a date?” (Y/N) mumbled to herself as she read the options to check off, of course only Scarlet would want to include that.
Not, number attending but are you bringing a date. Letting out a deep sigh her eyes gaze over to the pictures scattered over the fridge. (Y/N) was the second oldest of four siblings. She was the one out of four siblings to not be:
One- Married
Two-Soon to be married
and Three
Recently engaged.
Without thinking, she grabbed a pen and checked off to where we are now.
Morgan bursted into a fit of laugher before saying in between breathes “So, what I’m hearing is you don’t have a date?”
She glared at Morgan sticking her tongue out at him like a five year old child. It was already bad enough that every time she goes home to visit her family will ask: “Found anyone special?”
“Yeah, I don’t.”
It was a simple mistake, and well that simple mistake left her with no date. The last thing she wanted was to text her sister, “I actually have no date lmao.” because if that were to happen bridezilla would make quite the show. And she’d also never hear the end of that. Now, she has a week to find a date. That can’t be that hard right? Just who?
Morgan could barley catch his breath, (Y/N) kicked his ankle in annoyance “It’s not funny Derek! All I hear from my aunts are, oh you’ll find someone sweetie or you’re getting order you’ll find someone soon enough!” she leaned her head against the wall continuing to glare at Morgan.
“I could be your date.” Spencer spoke up trying to ease the tension that filled the booth.
Emily used her foot to nudge (Y/N) leg, she glared at the woman sitting across from her who wore an amused smile. (Y/N) glanced over at Penelope and JJ who also had the same expression on their face.
His brows furrowed, he didn’t see anything wrong with what he offered so- why was everyone staring?
“What? I-It was a suggestion.. that’s all.” His nose crinkled as he spoke pressing his lips into a thin line focusing his attention to the table in front of him.
Spencer may have an IQ of 187, and (Y/N) may be the youngest and second smartest of the team. These two are blind. Literally blind. It was quite obvious that boy wonder and miss.young and beautiful (well said from the one and only Penelope Garcia) have feelings for one another. 
If there was someone who can talk Spencer down, to get him to bring his walls down, it was (Y/N). Just a few months ago when everyone found out that Emily was in fact alive and not dead, everyone was happy that she was alive but that also came with being questioned by the Senate Committee for our retaliatory action.
But before Emily had came back everyone was dealing with her death differently.
There are five stages of grief:
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
With those five stages, everyone deals with their emotions differently. (Y/N) and Garcia did as much as they could to honor Emily’s name. Whereas Morgan felt guilty, telling himself he if he were there a second early he could’ve saved her. Spencer took it the hardest, he had gone to JJ’s house crying for almost 10 weeks.
Now with Emily back, the team felt back to normal. Well, some what back to normal. We had been called to Oklahoma, and it wouldn’t be a lie to say Spencer was not Spencer adding into the conversation or throwing in "Did you know.. facts”
He was quiet, distant.
“It’s too late alright!”
“Reid?” Emily spoke only watching as walked away.
(Y/N) looked at Hotch before saying “I’ll go talk to him.” giving her a nod of approval she grabbed one of the car keys and headed out towards Spencer.
Running out she watched as he continued to walk away, “Spencer!” she shouted yet no response.
“Spencer Walter Reid!”
Nothing
“Reid!”
The nearly 6’1 genius continued to walk away ignoring your calls. 
“Hey loverboy! I am talking to you! You know I don’t like being ignored!”
Spencer stopped in his tracks throwing his head back lightly “I don’t want to talk.” he spoke without turning around.
The heels of her boots clicked against the sidewalk once she was next to him she linked her arm with his pulling him towards one of the SUVS.
“Who said I wanted to talk? What if I wanted to get some coffee.”
Luckily there was a coffee shop that was a few blocks down the road, the car ride was silent- comfortable silence. (Y/N) never pushed Spencer to talk, she waited patiently for him to bring it up on his own.
In which, he did.
“I cried.. for ten weeks (Y/N).. ten weeks back to back.”
His voice barley above a whisper.
(Y/N) brought her right hand forward taking ahold of his left giving him a reassuring squeeze.
“Spencer, Hotch and JJ kept Emily safe. The less people knew that Emily was alive, the better because Doyle was still out there. If he found out Emily was still alive, he would’ve gone after not only Emily but the rest of the team as well. Trust me, it’s odd to have Emily back I mean we ‘buried’ her for christ sakes. But she’s here, with us again. Not six feet. under. I can’t speak for JJ but, I know she never meant to intentionally hurt your feelings or make you feel vulnerable. We were bound to find out sooner or later Spence.”
Truth be told, (Y/N) hated seeing Spencer sad and angry. Something she never saw all that often but knew him being sad made her feel sad.
They had spent an hour an a half in the coffee shop, now they were walking back into the station. Slowly Spencer had opened up more, she let him go uninterrupted allowing him to speak as she listened.
“Thank you by the way.”
(Y/N) smiled nudging him with her elbow, “Anytime loverboy.”
-
"Look at pretty boy go!” Morgan chuckled raising his enclosed fist towards Spencer who awkwardly fist bumped him back. She watched as he pursed his lip his gaze fixed on his drink avoiding eye contact with the rest of the team and especially (Y/N).
Hotch sighed lightly glancing at his phone before giving Rossi a nod, “I better get going, I don’t want Jessica to stay too late. Have a nice weekend guys, I don’t want to see any of you at the office.” 
It was just fifteen minutes past eleven and everyone was ready to head home and call it a night. Stepping out of the nearly now packed bar greeted by the cool air of Washington D.C. They had bid their goodbyes and headed to their cars. 
All she could think about was what Spencer had said, “I could be your date.” I mean, there is no problem with him being her date right? Beside the fact that you have a huge fat third grade crush on boy genius. 
Once she got home she kicked off her boots padding over to the kitchen for a glass of water placing her belongings on her couch. A loud ding echoed throughout her apartment, it may be her sister again wondering who her date is.
Grabbing her phone out of her purse the notification flashed across the screen:
A message from Scarlet. Swiping her thumb across the screen unlocking her phone to read the message.
𝘏𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘰? 𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘪𝘨𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘦, 𝘸𝘩𝘰'𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦?
𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘬𝘦?
𝘊𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸.
𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘰𝘮 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘢𝘥 𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘵 𝘢 𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘭?
𝘏𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘰?
𝘐'𝘮 𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥, 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸 𝘰𝘳 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦.
𝘗𝘴, 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘢𝘩 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘦!
“Love you too whore.” (Y/N) mumbled placing her phone onto the coffee table walking away to her room to get changed. Another loud ding caught her attention, “I thought she was going to sleep?” (Y/N) thought to herself.
Instead it was a message from Emily.
𝘚𝘢𝘺 𝘺𝘦𝘴! 𝘛𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦!!
Plopping herself onto her couch running her fingers through her hair.
He’s awake right? I mean it’s only twelve-fifteen? She held her phone in her hand tapping it lightly against her thigh contemplating whether or not to call him. 
“Just call him.” she mumbled to herself
Her family didn’t have any problems with Spencer. The one thing she’ll never forget is when he had told you father "The number of pathogens passed during a handshake is staggering. It's actually safer to kiss." The look on your fathers face was priceless.
Besides that her family had no problems with Spencer. They just describe him as being bit awkward and rambles on about well anything. It’s almost been four years since she joined the BAU. She was lucky enough to join at the age of twenty-three. And she’s been with them ever since.
When (Y/N) first joined the team Jason Gideon had just recently retired and David Rossi had returned voluntarily. You know that new kid feeling? New school, fresh faces, no friends? Yeah, that was the was her current feeling.
(Y/N) had barley gotten any sleep the night before. She felt anxious, tossing and turning the almost the entire night only to get about three hours of sleep. She had gotten up thirty minutes before her alarm, and had gotten there thirty minutes early.
Now she was currently sitting in SSA Aaron Hotchner’s office. You’ve heard many amazing things about his team, they are truly one of the best. Brushing her hands against her skirt for what felt like the hundredth time.
Pull yourself together, there’s nothing to be worried about.
“Agent (Y/L/N), would you like to meet the team?” Hotch spoke, (Y/N) turned her attention to the door giving him a nod of approval. Standing from her seat she followed him into the conference room.
“You’ll be fine.”
(Y/N) chuckled lightly, “Sorry, I’m just extremely nervous.” he smiled lightly opening the door to the conference room, the only person she knew was David Rossi, the BAU wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Gideon and Rossi.
“SSA (Y/L/N), this is SSA-”
“David Rossi, I’ve read your books and they are magnificent.” Rossi chuckled lightly sticking his hand out for her to shake in which (Y/N) gladly shook. She had just met one of the greatest profilers of all time.
(Y/N) looked up at Hotch before quickly apologizing “This is SSA Prentiss.” The beautiful raven haired woman smiled “Emily, nice to meet you.” moving to the man standing next to her “SSA Morgan.” he smiled shaking her hand “Derek.”
“(Y/N).” she replied.
“Our Communications Liaison Jennifer Jareau.”
“You can call me JJ.”
“Our tech analysis Penelope Garcia.”
Finally, the last person whom she had grown closes too.
“And Doctor Spencer Reid.”
That was your team. And they were more welcoming than you thought they would be, they were your second family. If you guys weren’t on a case, you’d be at the bar raking up Rossi’s tab. You were able to talk to them about almost anything, if you needed time off Hotch understood.
The first year she had worked with the team, they were very welcoming. Hotch had partnered you with Spencer most of the time, either you two would check out the M.E or stay back at the police department. It was safe to say it was a bit awkward at first when you were partnered with Spencer. But, she wouldn’t have wanted to be partnered with anyone else.
“Hello?”
Shit! He’s awake. Wait, when did I call him up?
“(Y/N)?”
Say something, he knows you’re on the other end of the line.
“Are you okay?’
Are you having a stroke right now? Say something!
“H-hi, sorry to bother you so late.”
It was fifteen minutes to one, did it really take me almost thirty minutes to call him?
“It’s fine, just getting a little bit of reading in. Did you need something?”
She bit the bottom of her lip getting up from her seat on her couch, just say it! Tell him you’d love to have him as a date.
“If your offer still stands.. I’d love to have you be my date.” she paced around her living room. Please say yes, this would be totally awkward if you said no but- you did offer to be my date?
Spencer smiled widely “Yes! I-I mean of course, I mean- I’d love to accompany you.” though (Y/N) couldn’t see him she knew he had his hand covered over his eyes mentally curing at himself.
“Great! I’ll text you the details tomorrow? Thank you again Spencer, I appreciate it.” 
“Y-yeah cool cool, um good night, sleep tight.. don’t let the bed bugs bite.” 
He could be such a dork sometimes. A cute dork. Rambling on until someone says something or he’d catch himself and apologize. Usually the team would exchange looks but, you’d sit there listening intently. It’s amazing that someone so young has already three PhD’s and as the genius said himself “I just keep getting PhD’s”
“Good night loverboy.”
Spencer had his nicknames, from Pretty boy, boy wonder, kid, doc etc.
Loverboy however, kinda just slipped. They had been working a case and Spencer was deep in his thoughts, she had been trying to get his attention for the last five minutes. When she had said it, he cheeks were painted a deep shade of red. Ever since then, the nickname just stuck.
(Y/N) tossed her phone onto the couch squealing loudly, surely enough she knew one of her neighbors would file a complaint against her but she didn’t care. All she cared about was the fact that Spencer Reid was her wedding date, and she couldn’t be more excited.
-
The entertainment capital of the world
Sin city
Fabulous Las Vegas.
Home to Spencer and (Y/N), the two were going to be staying with her parents since they live the closes to the venue. The drive to her parents house meant passing by her high school, and without a doubt she knew Spencer would have something to say.
“Isn’t that your old high school?” 
She glanced at Spencer for a short moment before answering, “Yup, class of 2003.”
About a month ago the team had gone to Boise,Idaho where a serial killer is murdering the survivors of a high school massacre that took place exactly ten years earlier. Hotch had sent (Y/N) and Spencer to examine the crime scene. 
“The unsub has to be tied to the school somehow. Maybe a current student, alumni, or a family member who lost someone?” (Y/N) mumbled as she scanned the crime scene 
“It could be a Slade groupie celebrating his hero. He taped nails to the exterior of the bomb. Specifically to rip open flesh-” Spencer spoke turning his head slightly to see (Y/N) examining the various pieces of nails.
“That’s a Slade detail of Slade’s the unsub copied.”
“Except he tricked Givens into blowing himself up.A groupie probably wouldn’t show that much self-control.” (Y/N) pointed out her eyes looked from the ground to the ceiling.
“But someone with an ax to grind against the principal would. Maybe he’s a surrogate for the tormenters in high school he can’t punish...” he examined the photos he held in his hands, “who were yours?”
(Y/N) chuckled reaching forward to touch the piece of nail in the wall, “I don’t even remember.” she mumbled.
Spencer raised his brow in confusion, “You don’t even remember?” his voice filled with disbelief. He stepped forward still stuck on the subject, “Wait, were you one of the mean girls?”
She turned around in surprise her eyes widened at his question, “What? No!” Okay maybe there were some people she was a bit rude to. That only being her  younger brother who was a freshmen when she was a senior.
“Track star with a full ride scholarship to UNR and was accepted by many universities, one of the valedictorians of her class, and the student body president? That not only screams popular but you could’ve been one of the mean girls!”
(Y/N) gasped loudly walking past Spencer to get to the other side of the room, “Could’ve been, I was actually one of the nice popular girls! I was even friends with guys like you!” 
“Guys like me? I'll have you know that my social standing increased once I started winning at basketball.“ now that was hard to believe.
“Spencer Reid playing basketball no way.” (Y/N) snickered causing Spencer to press his lips into a thin line, “Okay, I coached basketball. I broke down the opposing team's shooting strategy.” Now that sound more like Spencer.
“Is that why Morgan kicked you out of the pool last week?“ Rossi held a BBQ last Sunday, inviting the entire team over and Spencer and Derek were going at it in the pool bickering with one another.
“Yeah. Took him three rounds to realize I was hustling him.”
(Y/N) pulled into the driveway shifting the gear into park, she turned slightly to face Spencer. “Spence.” she whispered, he turned his head in confusion. Spencer had met her family, but he was about to meet MORE of them. As much as she loved them to death, they could be a little too much.
“First off, I wanna say thank you so much for being my date. Second, my family.. they are loud and can get very.. touchy? If you feel uncomfortable in any given moment please tell me because I don’t want you to think you made a mistake by coming.” He gave her a warm smile, placing his hand over her’s.
“(Y/N/N)!” a voice shouted causing (Y/N) to jump slightly pulling her attention away from Spencer. Her mother smiled happily, she was beyond excited to hear that (Y/N) was bringing Spencer as her date. The two exited the car retrieving their luggage from the trunk. 
“Hey mom!” (Y/N) shouted as she closed the trunk watching as Spencer waved hello to her mother.
“Hi Mrs.(Y/L/N).” 
“Oh Spencer! How have you been? Come in get settled Steven and I are treating you two to dinner tonight!” She watched as her mother followed Spencer into the house, it would be an understatement if I said my mom loved Spencer.
I mean who wouldn’t?
Later that night when they had gone out to dinner they just so happened to run into one of her family members that every so gladly invited themselves to dinner. 
And the immediate question was, “So (Y/N), who’s this?” that lead to a somewhat awkward dinner. You know how everyone has that one favorite cousin? Then there was that one cousin that was a tattle-tale and much of a show off? That was the cousin that was at dinner tonight. 
“This is Doctor. Spencer Reid, he’s my partner. I-I mean the partner on my team, a-
“So what I’m hearing is you’re single?” Gwen questioned causing (Y/N) to gasp lightly watching as Spencer shifted in his seat “Um- well yeah but-” his voice had gone up a couple octaves. Drawing his hand away from the table watching as Gwen’s cheeks tinted a deep red.
“Gwen quit it, you’re making him uncomfortable!” (Y/N) snapped annoyed with her cousin’s behavior. This was the last thing she wanted Spencer to feel, uncomfortable. She didn’t want Spencer to think he made a mistake, before she could say anymore he glanced at her for a second before whispering “It’s okay.” If only she could strangle Gwen right here, right now. The table was filled with awkward silence, (Y/N) mother chuckled lightly before quickly changing the subject “So, who’s ready for tomorrow?”
-
The only thing (Y/N) always looked forward to was the reception. Her least favorite part was the ceremony where most of her family members would be asking her one too many questions. She had spent half of her morning mentally preparing herself for what’s to come today. What she was not prepared for was the suit Spencer had worn, well the velvet suit jacket to be exact. It had matched perfectly with the red dress she had worn.
Spencer sat with (Y/N) siblings watching as she chased around her niece and nephews, “I’m gonna get you!” she shouted causing her niece to squeal loudly running father away from her aunt. (Y/N) had always gotten along with kids, they’d easily adjust to her. When they had cases dealing with kids, it would either be Spencer, JJ, or (Y/N) to be the ones to talk to them.
“Remind me, the next time Garcia tries to get me to go to a shoe sale I need to say no.” (Y/N) spoke in between breaths settling next to Spencer, Wonderful tonight began to play bringing almost everyone to the dance floor. She took ahold of his hand dragging him up from his seat, “Spence we need to join them!” 
The sound of his heart beat was music to her ears, beating softly. The feeling of being so close to him, left butterflies in her stomach. It felt so, domestic? It’s not an everyday thing to dance with Spencer Reid.
“Do you see yourself having kids some day?”
(Y/N) pulled her head away from his chest looking up at him with a raised brow. That was a bit out of the blue.
“Just the way you interact with your niece and nephews, you’re good with kids. i’ve noticed that when we work on cases dealing with kids. you’re patient with them.” Spencer glanced down at her, she looks so beautiful.
(Y/N) sighed lightly before answering, “Yeah, ideally... I want to have kids by the time I’m thirty and well, I have three more years to make that happen.”
Spencer hummed at her response allowing (Y/N) to continue.
“My parents... they had told my siblings and I that I would be the first to have kids, and well-“
Her eyes gaze over to her older sister whom was the first to have kids, her beautiful niece and nephew. Seated at the same table her brother whom was recently engaged and his fiancée awaiting their first child.
And now her younger sister wouldn’t be too far behind.
“I’m not a profiler, but aren’t those two completely oblivious about their feelings for one another?” Isabelle commented watching as her sister dance with her date.
“That’s what I was thinking the entire time! The FBI should hire us, we’re good!” Cole exaggerated lifting his hand for Isabelle to high-five.
(Y/N) turned her attention away from her siblings back to look at Spencer. If only she could hear her siblings conversation.
“I’m gonna be the last to get married.” she said with a light chuckle.
There was no one to blame, i mean at this point she was married to her job and she knew the pros and cons. But there’s still time for her, time to find someone, to have kids.
“What about you doc? Do you want little geniuses?”
Spencer sighed lightly moving his right hand that was resting on her waist taking ahold of her left, spinning her around.
He held her hand for a moment swaying the two from side to side, “Of course, as much as I love being a godfather.. I wanna have kids of my own. An entire soccer team as one may say.”
That was something the two had in common, being a godparent. (Y/N) loved spoiling her goddaughter, even before she was asked to be the godmother.
(Y/N) giggled at his response, any woman would be lucky enough to have a child with Spencer. He’d make a wonderful father, he’d be ever so patient with his little boy or girl.
“Well your future wife is in for it.”
He felt a slight tug on his suit jacket, he looked down to see (Y/N) niece Lyrical, “I wanna dance.” the four year old said moreover demanded.
(Y/N) gasped lightly before letting go of Spencer’s right hand and moved to wrap her arms around him.
“No he’s mine.” she joked sticking her tug out at the four year old.
If he was standing in front of a mirror right now, he’d be as red as a tomato.
“No! My boyfriend!” Lyrical huffed wrapping her chubby arms around her chest with a pout. That was something Lyrical basically established during prior visits.
Whenever they’d have cases in Vegas the night before they leave the team goes to hangout with (Y/N) family. Her second family meeting her well family
(Y/N) drew back her arms from him as she looked between Spencer and her niece, “So- who’s it gonna be loverboy?”
Spencer hummed at her question before picking up Lyrical causing her to giggle lightly wrapping her arms around his neck swaying from side to side.
She held onto him, her fingers slightly tugged at the back of his hair. (Y/N) smiled, the warm fuzzy feeling she felt earlier was back again.
If Spencer’s first born child is a girl, she’d have him wrapped around her fingers before she was born.
She walked up to her niece peppering kisses onto her chubby cheeks earning a burst of laughter, the song changed into a more upbeat rhythm causing almost everyone to come to the dance floor.
“So, who was going to tell me they were dating?” Scarlet questioned, walking over to sit at the same table her siblings were seated. Isabelle snorted reaching for the glass of water in front of her.
“Why would we? They aren’t dating.. yet.” Cole answered sarcastically earning a slap to the back of his head. He glared at his younger sister, “I answered your question why did you have to hit me!” Scarlet shrugged lightly taking a sip from her champagne glass.
(Y/N) looked over to her siblings, who were bickering as usual.
“I’m gonna go sit for a bit.” Spencer nodded watching as she walked back to sit with her siblings before turning his attention back to the four year old.
“Woah Lyrical stole your date.” Cole snickered causing (Y/N) to roll her eyes playfully, “I know, better watch out she’s gonna have boys waiting on her beck and call.” The table rose with laughter, as they moved onto a different topic.
It felt like old times, sitting around with her siblings as they talked about childhood memories and embarrassing moments. She needed to come home more often instead of having them fly out to only spend a day or two.
Her eyes gazed over to Spencer and her niece who were stilling dancing, that warm fuzzy feeling. It’s unexplainable. She couldn’t help but imagine, what if. What if her and Spencer do end up together? Oh would their daughter be his princess. He would do anything for her. Whoever get’s to be the future Mrs.Reid would be the luckiest women in the world, his kids would be blessed with such a wonderful dad.
Scarlet looked over to her older sister who was too deep in thought as she watched her date dance with their niece. She couldn’t help but notice the smile that tugged at (Y/N) lips.
“So does that mean you’re next?”
Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, her train of thought coming to a screeching halt. Next?
“For?” (Y/N) questioned back, unsure of what Scarlet was trying to lead on.
“You and that handsome Doctor Reid.”
(Y/N) eyes widened causing her to shake her head from left to right, “What? No no, we’re just friends.” she tried to suppress the smile that dared to paint over her lips.
Her siblings look between each other before bursting into a fit of laughter, “Sure keep telling yourself that.” Cole spoke in between his laughter.
Y/N rolled her eyes crossing her arms over her chest before responding “Hey! We’re just friends.” 
Cole leaned back into his chair raising a brow at her, “So, you’re telling us you don’t have any feelings for him? Zero, nada, zilch?” she glared at Cole kicking his ankle lightly. He winced at the sudden action reaching down to sooth his ankle.
“I don’t have feelings for him.”
Isabelle rose her brow at her younger sister, “You’re doing that thing.” If there was one thing she was bad at it would be lying. You’d think for a profiler she’d be better at lying and would be able to keep a poker face.
“What thing?”
Scarlet sighed loudly, “(Y/N) you may be a profiler but, we’re your siblings we know when you’re lying.” That only caused (Y/N) to scoff loudly and shake her head at her siblings.
Why are they attacking me right now?
“You cross your arms over your chest and you smile, A LOT it’s kinda no it IS creepy. Plus you get defensive, like very defensive.” Cole pointed out only for the rest of her siblings to agree.
Let’s forget what I said early about visiting more often. They can continue flying out to D.C.
(Y/N) got up from her seat slipping her heels back on causing Cole to flinch slightly, growing up the only boy meant dealing (Y/N) scared him. A lot.
 “I wasn’t going to hit you ass clown!”
Maybe, just maybe she was spending a bit too much time with Rossi.
 “I’m gonna go for a little walk.” 
The three siblings looked between each other. If there was something she knew all too well of doing it was avoiding her feelings. Not opening up to others, building walls high enough so no one can look over and see what she’s feelings or thinking. 
“Don’t close yourself off! Say what needs to be said!”
It felt like deja vu. 
Emily had told her the exact same thing a few days ago.
"Oh my sweet angel face (Y/N)! You and boy wonder are blind!” Penelope slurred as she attempted to place her glasses on (Y/N) face. JJ couldn’t help but laugh at Garcia’s actions.
“My vision is 20/20 as a matter of fact!” (Y/N) answered earning another laugh from Emily, “Pen is right you know? Don’t close yourself off! Say what needs to be-”
“Hey, you missed the bouquet toss.”
(Y/N) blinked a few times before looking up to see Spencer.
“Did you know the tossing the bouquet is a tradition that stems from England. Women used to try to rip pieces of the bride's dress and flowers in order to obtain some of her good luck. Today the bouquet is tossed to single women with the belief that whoever catches it will be the next to marry.”
This was one of the many things she loved about Spencer. The amount of knowledge he holds in that huge brain of his. Usually the team isn’t much of a fan when he rambles on but, you loved it. The way he uses his hands to explain what he was thinking, or how he basically has an answer for well everything.
“Who caught the bouquet?”
He chuckled lightly taking a seat next to her, “Well Scarlet kinda threw it at me and said you know what to do. But your mom made her redo it, got a laugh out of everyone though.”
“Pretty sure you’re suppose to catch the garter.” (Y/N) giggled turning her head slightly to look up at Spencer who was laughing along with her. There was a sudden cool breeze causing her to wrap her arms around her chest.
“I knew I should’ve brought my jacket.”
Spencer shrugged off his dress jacket draping it over her shoulders. It was ever so slightly bigger on her she slipped her arms through the sleeves
“Thank you... and another thank you for being my date. I really hat- dislike attending weddings.”
“Did you know the first recorded evidence of marriage ceremonies uniting one woman and one man dates from about 2350 B-“
Her eyes fell towards the ground in front of her. Fixated on the shoes he was currently using.
The converse she had bought him for his 30th birthday, well belated 30th birthday. Not only was he using the converse she bought him but the mismatching socks as well. The team had been called to San Francisco to investigate a possible Zodiac Killer copycat. There was something up with Spencer however, he was quieter than usual. 
But it was only because he had doubts on why he’s in the FBI, questioning that he should be doing something more in his life with the amount of knowledge he had accumulated over the years. The team didn’t even realize they had missed his 30th birthday, and (Y/N) felt so bad for it. She was the one to always bring in the birthday boy or gal their favorite donuts and a cup of coffee. 
When the team had gotten back to Quantico she had stopped by to get him a new pair of converse and of course mis-matched socks.
“How did I not notice you’re using the shoes and socks I gifted you?”
His brows furrowed,“Is something wrong (Y/N)?”
(Y/N) sighed ignoring his question “I read that a crush only last four months. But if it last longer you are considered to be in love. is that true?”
“Actually, many people often mistake crushes and infatuation with love. The initial feelings of crush and falling in love are very similar. The rush of euphoria happens in both cases. The butterflies, and the feelings of pure joy at the sight of them happens in both cases. It’s easy to see how the two are mistaken for love because the feelings are so intense, but there is a difference. Crushes and infatuation go hand in hand, and are very similar-
He paused for a second catching his breath before continuing, “-a crush is defined as a brief but intense infatuation for someone, especially someone inappropriate or unattainable. Infatuation is defined as an intense but short lived passion or admiration for someone or something.
Involuntarily she rest her head against his shoulder, “What about love?” she questioned. You glanced up for a second watching as his tongue swiped across his bottom lip.
“Love is truly seeing and accepting their object of affection. It’s an intense feeling of deep affection. to be patient and understanding, love is forgiving. It desires a deep connection. When we truly love someone, we see their flaws, and we accept them. there are thoughts of a future together, and realistic expectations of ea-“
JJ sighed, “Just tell him say I love you. Not as a friend. But I love you, on a deeper connection. What’s the worst that could happen?”
“I’m in love with you.” her eyes fluttered shut, her heart was pounding in her ears, she felt Spencer tense at what she had just said. Oh god did I make a mistake?
She pulled her head away from his shoulder, tell him why just tell him.
“You’re the most sweetest, yet awkward guy I know. Not only are you sweet, you’re also so smart. I love to hear you ramble on about, honestly anything. You’re so caring, and kind. It hurts me when you beat yourself up, I just want to hug you and tell you why you’re wrong and tell you that I love-” 
Spencer placed his hands on her cheeks pulling her into a slow passionate kiss, everything happened so quickly it took her a moment to process what was happening. Wrapping her arms around his neck pulling him deeper into the kiss, the feeling was so surreal.
He pulled away slowly his hands still on her cheeks as he rest his forehead against hers, “I love you too.” he spoke as he stared into her (Y/E/C). (Y/N) smiled from ear to ear, stealing another kiss from Spencer.
“Finally!” a voice spoke startling the two. (Y/N) peeked over Spencer’s shoulder to see Cole standing there with well the rest of her siblings, oh yeah she was never going to hear the end of this. 
535 notes · View notes
brianc521 · 4 years
Text
Sigh | Raul Mendes
Romanced By Tik Tok
Tumblr media
Raul’s different when he’s around his brothers. It’s like he can’t show emotion, or let his tough guy guard down. You knew that, but you really hoped that maybe that would change when you both finally got together. That’d he finally feel comfortable enough to be with you in front of them. 
Not so much the case. 
Shawn’s back in town from Miami, so he and Peter have been over at Raul’s all day. It’s the mandatory boys day, tomorrow Aaliyah will join for mandatory sibling day. The difference this time around though, is that you were already at Raul’s when the boys arrived. 
It started off fine when he begged for you to stay. You’d fully offered to go home, take the day to get some chores done so he could have his time. I mean, you didn’t know what being a triplet felt like, but there has to be some separation anxiety when they part as much as they do. Raul fought you tooth and nail, literally hid your keys so you wouldn’t leave. Although you know where his hiding spot was. You found it the last time he tried to beg you to stay. 
So you stayed, as if you had a choice in the matter. After brunch was when you noticed the change. He didn’t sit next to you on the love seat, instead opting for the middle seat between Shawn and Peter. They started playing Fifa while you started a book on your phone, and that was when the teasing started. 
Peter made a joke about how Raul’s gone soft now that he’s got a girlfriend. Shawn followed up asking Raul if he needed you to kiss his ego because he just lost to Peter. The kicker of them all was when you asked for a sip of his water and suddenly he was ‘whipped’. He shut down completely then. 
Show no weakness right? 
He started mocking you when you asked a question, and was overall acting like an ass. So that promise you made about giving Tik Tok a break suddenly slipped your mind. If his respect can slip his, things can slip yours too. 
So you logged into the app, and saw that the most requested was the ‘sigh in front of your boyfriend’ reaction. You smirked and clicked over to your camera. 
Game on motherfucker. 
You readjusted how you were sitting on the love seat, letting your back face the TV that way you faced the boys. You caught Raul’s eyes when you kicked your legs around to get comfortable. The look you sent must have already let him know he was in trouble because his whole face softened. 
You waited awhile, taking 15 minutes to read that way he wouldn’t get suspicious. The way you were sitting with your arms crossed allowed your hand, that was holding your phone, to sit in the crook of your elbow. The perfect view of him. 
You clicked back over to your camera and hit record. 
You took a deep breath, and before you even let it out his eyes snapped to you. You let it out, sighing deeply and he turned his head towards you. 
“You okay?” He mouthed, tilting his head to the side. 
He really was just a big puppy and you were struggling against cooing at him. You rolled your eyes, and looked back at your phone, watching him. His eyes widened and his cheeks went pink. He looked back at the TV a moment before looking back at you. 
Standing he handed Shawn his controller and walked into the kitchen. You furrowed your brows but kept recording because you knew him better than that. You jump slightly when your phone buzzes.
iMessage from Lover Boy: What’s the matter Baby? 
You snickered to yourself when you read the message. This boy was seriously texting you right now. 
iMessage from Lover Boy: What’d I do? 
iMessage from Lover Boy: I love you 
You kept on laughing at the messages, never responding to see what he does. He walks out of the kitchen scratching at the back of his neck. 
“Shawn, you mind picking up some coffee?” Raul asked from behind the couch. 
“Um? Sure?” Shawn looked over at his brother, watching Raul shoot him a glance. “Right sure, Peter, come help out.” Shawn said, tossing the remote and grabbing Peter by the front of his shirt. 
You watch in amusement as the boys leave and Raul tip toes closer. Once the door shuts he gives you his puppy dog eyes. 
“What’s the matter?” He asks, socked feet coming closer to you. Stopping in front of you. 
You can’t help it, you laugh a little and he squints his eyes at you. 
“What?” 
“You’re too easy.” You laugh harder. “Oh my god I can’t believe you sent them out.” At this point you stop the recording and shake your head up at him. 
“Were you recordi- This a fucking Tik Tok?” He crosses his arms. 
“Yeah.” You nod. 
“We talked about that. You said you’d-”
“Yeah but you were being an ass.” You fire at him. 
“How was I being an ass?” He asks.
“How was I being an ass?” You mimic, voice high pitched. 
“What are you doing?” He steps back.
“What are you doing?” You continue.
“Stop doing that, it’s annoying.” 
“You don’t say!” You point to the couch. 
He looks back at where you’re pointing and it’s like it finally all starts to click. He hangs his head and turns back to you. 
“I sworry.” He baby talks. 
You shake your head at him, standing up from the couch. You walk around him, lifting the lampshade and swiping your keys from the empty space a lightbulb is supposed to be. 
“What are you doing?” He asks, quickly wrapping his arms around you from behind. “How’d you know about that spot?” He muttered to himself.
“You need time with the boys, I don’t mind Raul. Seriously I don’t. I do mind being the punchline to all the teasing jokes and not feeling respected.” 
“Hey, I’m sorry.” He holds you tighter, kissing your neck. “I’m sorry Baby.” 
“Raul it’s simple, I promise, if you don’t want me here just say so. I know how this goes, it’s not gonna hurt my feelings. I understand it.” 
“I do want you here.” He buries his face further into your neck. “I do, I always want you.” 
“It’s-”
“Shut up and listen to me. I’m telling you I want you. I want you here, always, forever.” 
“How come you can’t feel that way when your brothers are around?” 
He stares at you, brows furrowed. “I do feel that way when they’re around.” 
“Really?” You laugh. “Could’ve fooled me.” 
“Okay, I get it.” He spins you around. “I’m a dick, but you’re not so please don’t act like one.” 
“I’m not trying too, I’m just trying to get you to see that you kind of hurt my feelings.” 
His chest deflates and he scrunches his nose. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I get like that. They know we’re together, I just, I don’t know. I get nervous around you, and I get even more nervous when others are around because like it’s us and I want it to stay between us, and-”
“Shush.” You push a finger to his lips. “Just kiss me so we can make up.”
He grins, leaning down and kissing you softly. He cradles your back with his big hands, nuzzling his face into the crook of you neck, rocking you both back and forth. 
“Lovebirds! We’re back.” Peter announces. 
“Raul I hope I gave you enough time to make up with your girl.” Shawn says meeting you two in the living room. “Awe how cute.” He stops in his tracks as he watches you two sway softly. “Sunrise with you on my chest, no blinds in the place where I live.” He sings slowly, watching you and then eyeing Raul’s windows. Where he happened to have no blinds, actually the boy’s never had blinds at this place.
Your eyes go wide and you push Raul away. “’Fallin All In You’ is about me?” You screech, hitting Raul’s chest. 
“What?” Raul blushes and looks down. 
“I mean I sing it, but I wrote it after Raul told me about the first time you ever stayed here with him.” Shawn grins, handing you a venti coffee and Raul a grande.
“Hey! How come she gets the big and I get a small.” Raul whines.
“Because I know how to treat a woman Dumbass.” 
“Hey Shawn,” You speak up after taking a big gulp of your iced cold brew. “You’re gonna need Peter to kiss your ego after I beat your ass in Fifa.” 
iMessage from Li Li: I love how he looked before you even let the sigh out. Tell the jackasses imma beat they asses at Fifa tomorrow! 
427 notes · View notes
cowandcalf · 4 years
Photo
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
The goodbye scene – Steve and Danny 10.22
An explanation
Danny is not the one with the anxiety of abandonment. That's Steve. Danny is the one with the worst-case scenario imagination. Danny always fears for the worst outcome and this means he's already anxious for the moment to get a phone call by an unknown number to be informed Steve had died. That movie runs through his head when they sit at the beach moments away to say goodbye for an uncertain time.
Another thing that's important to remember about Danny and his way to deal with difficult situations in a relationship are these: he has a way to punish his partner due to too much hurt and the lack of coping in a difficult emotional situation. Maybe you remember the time, I guess it was in season 6 when Gaby stood him up. She was supposed to come back from Morocco to be with him and she was a no-show. She called him several times to apologize but Danny didn't answer the phone. Another phone call from Gaby pinged on Danny's phone when Steve entered his office and Danny clicked her away. And Steve smirked and looked knowingly at Danny and asked Danny what's up. Danny explained honestly what he was doing and Steve asked him if he was punishing her. And he said yes that's his way to deal with what she had done to him. So – that's a pattern Danny uses in his defense to cope with very difficult situations.
Another important detail upfront to get Danny's reaction when Steve says goodbye. Danny hates goodbyes. He hates changes. He wishes that everything always stays the same to have control over his beloved ones. He never wanted Charlie to grow up so Danny could always be the father of a five-year-old boy to never face all the changes that happens in a child's life. For example, growing out of the need for their father's intense care. Danny never wanted Grace to grow older, never wanted to deal with her going off to college. He would never want her to lose his beloved girl to another boy because Grace begins to show interest in other boys. That's Danny's nightmare- changes.
Maybe you remember the time where he caught all texts from a guy form Grace's class he sent to Grace's phone when she was twelve. And she lied to Danny about homework and went instead to eat ice-cream with this boy. Danny was upset and furious and disappointed but when he saw them together, he realized how happy Grace looked and he backed off, leaving it up to her to come forward and to be honest about what she had done. And she did. Grace couldn't stand the lie she told her Danno and confessed. And everything was settled again.
So, that's Danny's pattern. Danny hates changes. He can't deal with them because he loses control and he fears for the worst. Meaning everyone dies all the time and he ends up alone and sad.
Then, that's another very important point. Whenever Steve had left in the past it was because of a mission, a dangerous task, to find a bad guy, to bring someone home. Steve was always on duty during those missions either as the head of the Five-0 task force or as a SEAL. Steve never went away as a civilian. He never just went on holiday. Danny had always an important task too, when Steve was gone for a mission. Steve was always his partner, was always somehow connected to Danny and Danny was ready to jump onto the next plane to get Steve back home in case the plan went south.
But this time nothing, nothing at all is remotely the same. Danny has spent the last ten years to have Steve's back, to watch his six, always. Danny was his partner for ten years and suddenly he isn't. Danny knows Steve battles with insomnia, with the experiences of the last year that has been one of the cruelest ones in Steve's life. And the hurtful experiences are not over. Steve just learned that his father knew the whole time that his mother's death was staged. Again, he had been betrayed by the people who should love him the most.
Steve is hurting. Steve feels lost. Steve doesn't know what to do. He needs a break; he needs to roam the earth and he needs to do this alone.
Danny understands this but he can't cope with it. He's so afraid Steve won't be okay. Who's there to look after his boy? And obviously Danny doesn't trust Steve to do this on his own. Danny knows how Steve loves risks and danger and there are still enemies out there who want to see Steve dead. At least, Danny thinks this.
For Danny it's the most difficult thing to stay behind and to not being able to look after Steve. Especially because he moved in with Steve and he has a watchful eye all the time over Steve and now he can't do that anymore.
So, he tries again to sell Steve the beauty of Hawaii. To make him stay here on this island where Danny can look after him. Steve is a civilian now. The first time in about 25 years Steve's not on duty and that will mess with his mind and his emotional state. Danny can't be there for Steve when it's going to hit him hard.
And Steve knows this. Steve knows what kind of crazy thoughts are running through Danny's head. But Steve also knows he has to go. He won't find peace in Hawaii because only hurtful things had happened concerning his parents. He needs to find a way into this new stage of life he hopes to discover. He needs to mend and he needs to learn to live without being on duty. Steve needs to learn how to be a civilian.
So, when they hug, Danny pouts. Danny is deeply worried. He wants to cry. He wants to beg Steve not to go but at the same time he knows Steve needs this. But Danny hates changes and that's why he punishes Steve with the way he looks away when Steve says to him openly, that he loves him – straight in the face.
And Steve gets it. He hugs Danny as tight as possible, tucks him close to his chest and smiles because he gets his Danno. He takes Danny's emotional, harsh treatment like a champ because Steve loves Danny and he knows how much Danny has to fight to keep it together. Danny will be so sorry the next day but right now, in this very moment he can't escape his pattern.
And Steve knows it. He leaves and turns once more to look down where Danny sits. He sighs and knows both are hurting but it's necessary for Steve to leave. It's like a treatment, a mental cleansing. Steve thinks about going back one more time but there's not comfort because he leaves anyway. And he knows Danny will get over it and they will call each other to be in touch. Danny is just worried sick that Steve won't make the transformation from SEAL and H50 leader to normal tourist and civilian.
Sometimes the only way to get better is to leave and to come back for good. But that's not the time yet. Steve has a lot of work to do to heal. And if you get Steve's character you know this sabbatical is the most important thing for him to do. It will keep him sane. It will make him find peace and to be ready to start a new stage in life with Danny once he's back home again.
And Danny? Danny misses Steve already and sends him a text first thing when he has found his footing again. And when did we ever read such a text from Danny to Steve?? I miss you already.
The boys are good. They love each other and they will get through this time. Love is support and strength when you need it the most. Steve loves his ohana and his ohana loves him. Love will get him through this trip and Danny knows this. And love will bring Steve back home.
The boys love each other deeply.
End of statement.
260 notes · View notes
thefanficmonster · 3 years
Text
And My Heart Burned In That Lodge
Michael (Mike) Munroe x Reader (female)
Warnings: Death, Grief, Dealing with loss, Heartbreak, Swearing
Genre: ANGST
Summary: None of them will ever be the same, who knows if they’ll even heal. However, the case is different for Mike. He’s left to be dealing with the guilt, grief and the haunting memory of his friend’s death. He’s angry with himself for all the wrong things he did and all the right things he was too much of a coward to do. Now, his only closure is talking to a gravestone, hoping the wind in the graveyard will pass the message onto the person who the words are meant for.  
Requested by Anon. Wish I could tag them, they have such amazing ideas ❤
PS - Sorry this is hella long, I got carried away LOL
I stand aside, watching as my friends place their flowers on her grave. I can hear their cries. For some odd reason I can’t find it in me to feel sympathy or the need to go over there and be with them. I can’t see how that would do anything but make me feel more miserable. Standing here, seeing this scene unfold in front of me, I can’t help but be reminded of how it all started.
Fuck Mondays, man. Fuck them from the bottom of my heart. Even worse, this is the first week of school after winter break so no one wants to be here. Even even worse, this is the first time I’ll be seeing Emily after out breakup. We broke up over text and while I’m aware that’s the worst way to break up with someone, I must admit it was the only way for a lot of arguing and awkwardness to be avoided. 
It’s the first time I’m coming to school alone in a while. Without Emily, the car was pleasantly quiet aside from the songs on the radio. Not gonna lie, it felt a bit lonely. Being single for the first time in what feels like forever is both liberating and oddly melancholic. I try to push the self-loathing and the depressing thoughts away as my eyes scan the hallway, looking for the group of familiar faces. My gang. We used to be ten people but we lost two girls during our winter getaway at the Washington lodge. Josh’s sisters, Hannah and Beth, went missing and are presumably dead, all cause of a stupid prank Jess, Emily and I concocted, convincing Matt and Ash to go along with it. In retrospect, I don’t know what we were thinking.
‘Seriously, Mike? From one depressing thought to another? Is your brain lacking serotonin today more than usual or what?‘ I mentally scold myself just as I spot two familiar faces - Sam and Ashley. 
It doesn’t take long for me to notice the rest of the gang - Matt, Jess and Chris - all standing near by, surrounding a girl I have never seen before. She sticks out immediately with her long H/C hair and shiny E/C eyes. Jess has her arm linked with the girl, a gesture really out of place for Jess. I mean, her and Emily are pretty close and I’ve never even seen them hug.
“Hey, man. How are you?“ Matt notices me first, lifting his head and smiling at me. His greeting leads the others to look in my direction as well, including the girl. I catch Jess lean down in and whisper something to her. I can’t hear what she’s saying but it clearly aggravates her. I have never received a dirtier look from a girl in my entire life. I usually have the opposite effect on women but I guess there’s a first time for everything. 
“Mike...” Jess steps away from the girl and towards me, “this is my best friend, Y/N. She just got transferred here.” She turns her attention back to the girl, “Y/N, this is Mike.” 
Y/N looks unamused as she outstretches her arm in my direction. “Nice to meet you” is what she says, but her expression clearly tells me she would like to see as little of me as possible. At least she’s polite, right? 
“Likewise.” The handshake is brief and, despite her obvious distaste for me, she still gives me a firm handshake. 
“Wait, you were transferred? I thought Jess said you came here cause you moved.” Sam furrows her brows in confusion. 
“Well, it’s really a chicken and the egg type of situation.” Y/N laughs, rubbing the back of her neck almost nervously, “We moved because I had to transfer.”  Yikes.“ Ashley comments, “Not to pry or anything, but why did you have to be transferred?“
Y/N looks me dead in the eyes, as if she’s sending me a message that I better not overlook, or so help me God I’ll be dead. ”Noses randomly broke when I was around.”
It hurts so much to look back on those times and not pick up on what I was feeling. I foolishly decided that if I can’t give the feelings a name or find them a purpose I should turn a blind eye. I wasn’t that ignorant, I could tell she was the cause, but I could never admit it.
And then there’s the situation with Jess...
“You hurt her, and I’ll kill you.“
I found Y/N by the bleachers and let me tell you, she’s quite the paradox. She’s a straight A, no nonsense, intelligent beyond her years girl. With all these characteristics, you’d think she’d know better than to smoke cigarettes. Wrong! She’s a smoker. Jess can never not complain about the smell of cigarette smoke, it’s a miracle these two get along.
To my ‘hi’ she responded with what looked to be an eyeroll and an annoyed release of smoke through her nostrils. Even though I know I’m not welcome to be in her proximity, I still decide to sit down a little ways away from her, for personal space and all that. Definitely not cause I’m slightly afraid of her. No way.
We just sit in silence until she hits me with the aforementioned threat. I am caught off guard. All I can do is stare straight ahead of me like a deer in headlights. After maybe thirty seconds of absolute confusion I manage to turn my head to look at her. “What are you talking about?” The question is supposed to sound harsh but compared to the way she spit out that death threat it sounded more like a whimper.
“You are such an ignorant asshole.“ She shakes her head, throwing her cigarette on the bench below her. She stomps on it and walks away. I can’t help but stare at her until she’s out of sight. I feel like I’m watching something non-human. A phenomenon you can experience once in a lifetime - if you’re lucky. 
She’s the complete opposite of Jess: grounded, smart, rational. The only time I’ve seen her be so unpleasant is around me. I catch her interactions with the rest of the gang. From afar, she seems like the nicest, friendliest girl. And then she catches a glimpse of me and her mood changes. I don’t know what’s her problem with me but I know it most certainly isn’t something I’ve done to her. She’s been like that since the first moment we were introduced, so either Jess has talked a lot of shit about me or she just hates people named Michael. I may never know.
I had no idea what she meant at the time and only found out three weeks ago. Speaking of three weeks ago, the group once again headed for the Blackwood Pines, trying to hide their uneasiness with make excitement. I was pretty hyped when I heard we were going because that also meant our friend Josh was finally starting to get better. He hadn’t been in a good mindset since his sisters went missing and we were all really worried for him but weren’t allowed to show it because he always insisted he was fine.
He wasn’t. He was as messed up as ever and served as only the prologue to the nightmare of a night we had to live through.
But before all that could happen, the night started off well. Better than expected. The eeriness of the mountain combined with the bad memories we had of the place we still there, we could all feel the tension, but we did a good job masking it with jokes and whatnot. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t really looking forward to go and not only because of what happened the year prior.
“Wait, wait, wait. Y/N’s coming too?“ I ask, looking at Josh with wide eyes.
The guy is clearly confused by my overdramatic reaction to him counting down the names of the ones who had already RSVPd ‘Yes’. “Is that a problem or something?”
I sigh, hiding my face in my hands. It’s embarrassing to admit, really. “She doesn’t like me, and that puts it mildly. She hates me.”
He looks even more baffled than before, “Why? What’d you do to her?”
“Nothing, for fuck’s sake. Not a single thing. I haven’t even had a proper interaction with her.“ Talking about this matter exhausts me, mostly cause I can’t even express half the things I’m feeling.
There’s been a time or two I’ve caught her looking at me but her eyes weren’t filled with that distrust I’m used to. She looks away quickly when we make eye contact, as if she can’t put the mean mask on in time and she has to look away to do a system reset. I sometimes catch myself looking at her without realizing. I try to tell myself I do it for the purpose of solving her. 
‘Who are you kidding, Munroe?‘
                                                                  * * *
And here I am, climbing up the mountain to the Washington lodge. I’ve made it a goal to use this getaway to mend things with Y/N. It’s the only way for me to get back to normal. To get my mind back since she’s recently been living in my head rent-free. I’m bullshitting, not just recently. She’s taken over my brain since day one. I can’t place what’s going on with me, I can’t find a term to label it with and I most definitely can’t find a way to stop it. So, I’ve come to the conclusion that if I can’t stop it on my own, she’ll have to do it for me.
Another thing - I’ve never felt nervous or self-conscious around a girl all my life. Never. My friends joke that I’m a ladies’ man and I’d say that’s pretty true. So I have a tough time understanding how I turn into an awkward turtle that’s missing confidence when she’s around.
Once we all get settled in and there’s a fire going, giving the lodge a cozy atmosphere, it’s every man for themselves. Everyone picks a activity they want to occupy themselves with and the living room of the lodge empties out, leaving me there alone.
I scroll stare at the screen of my now useless phone. The thing has no reception and no way of keeping me busy, leaving my attention to wander to the voices that are getting more and more distant as my friends walk out of the room.
I can’t help but overhear Jess say to Y/N, “You haven’t even set your bag down yet and you’re going for a smoke? Jeez, Y/N.”
“You say as though you don’t know me.“ Y/N laughs, the sound of a door opening following after her voice.
It’s such a nice sound, her laugh. I’ve never heard it before. I’ve seen her smile and seen her chuckle at someone’s joke, but it was never actually a laugh. Seems she keeps those for special occasions. 
If she’s in the type of mood to laugh, she’s in the type of mood to be civil with me. Before I can talk myself out of the on-spot decision, I mentally slap myself and get off the couch, walking to the door to the side deck.
“You’ve got this, she’s just a person” 
“Who’s just a person?“ her voice cuts through the silence of the outdoors.
‘SHIT I SAID THAT OUT LOUD‘
I decide to carry this all the way, no shortcuts. No backing out. Somehow, now that she’s standing in front of me - a cigarette between her fingers, her shoulders tense from of the cold - I find it easier to get the words out. She’s just as human as everyone else. The cold causes her to shrivel up. She’s addicted to tobacco. She’s not some riddle I need to solve, just a person I need to talk to in order to understand.
“You.“ I reply, “Why aren’t you wearing a jacket?“
She shakes her head, her shoulders trembling a bit, “It builds the immune system.”
“No, it makes you suffer.“ I shrug my jacket off, cautiously approaching her and wrapping it around her.
Surprisingly, she accepts it with a nod and a murmured ‘thanks’, holding onto it with the hand that’s not holding her cigarette. “Why were you reminding yourself that I’m just a person? Do I not look like one?” She scoffs, facing away from me to look at the snowy hills ahead.
“No, no, not that. You just make me nervous that’s all.“ 
She whirls around, giving me this look as though she has no idea what I’m talking about.
“Really? Why’s that?“ she puts out her cigarette on the wooden railing, focusing all her attention on me.
My hand instinctively goes up to the back of my neck, feeling my face start to heat up. “Well, you’re not really fond of me. And I don’t know why, and....” I trail off, sighing in self-disappointment, “And I wanna know why.”
Her expression turns the complete opposite, a smile spreading across her face. “It’s not about something you have done. It’s about what you might’ve done.”
Despite feeling slightly relieved, I am no less confused than I was a minute ago. “And what is that?”
“Break my best friend’s heart.“ She looks a lot more serious now, “You really had no idea she was head over heels for you just a month ago. You were so oblivious and she was so whipped...“ frustration radiates off of her, “I just didn’t want her to get hurt.“ She closes her eyes, stabilizing herself before finishing her statement, “I didn’t want to hurt her.“
“Wait, what?“
The hurt that paints itself on her face is contagious. I feel it too and I don’t even know what’s causing it. “She always told me about you. Mike this and Mike that. She made you sound like the best guy in the world. And...I really wanted to be let down when I met you, but you were nothing but nice to me and to the other people in the group. But you were also such a jerk from time to time. You are just too...Fucking forget it.” 
In a blink of an eye she puts my jacket over the railing and runs inside the lodge.
“Y/N, wait!“
Needless to say, running after her was the best decision I’ve made. I didn’t get her to admit to anything, but at least we lied down the armor and agreed to give each other some time to get to know one another. Drop aside the assumptions and give a this acquaintanceship the chance to become a friendship. 
Sadly, all good things come to an end way sooner than we want. The rest of that dreadful night I witnessed her transform. When everyone was freaking out, she held them and comforted them. I saw the fear in her eyes but she never let it shine through in her actions. She was the one still holding it together even after she saw that disgusting creature. Her and I were the ones to turn that sanatorium upside down. We were with Josh in the mines. We were the ones to see the Wendigo first. We were by each other’s side the entire time. We had each other’s backs. 
I’ve never felt such a connection with someone. I was experiencing the most intimate understanding with a person in the worst moment of my life. It was bittersweet. The poison mixed with the cure.
Even when she knew her death was approaching, her only reaction was a single tear. A single crystal drop running down her cheek.
We can make a break. We can run right out of this hell hole and turn it to ash, all we need is for this fucking to focus its attention elsewhere. Thankfully Chris, Ash and Emily have made it out already and they’re safe. However, Sam, Y/N and I are trapped. The silent looks we exchange are laced with fear and panic. We have to calculate our next moves down to a millisecond and we don’t even know what those next moves should be.
Suddenly, a sharp pain starts spreading from my hand shoulder. My adrenaline is no longer doing a good job blocking out the pain of the fingers I had to sever. I slip up, letting out a hiss. The pain is just that unbearable.
That thing turn at the speed of light, letting out a screech and heading in my direction. My whole body is tense I couldn’t move if I wanted to but my arm is in such a horribly painful position, I think I’ll faint if I don’t readjust it.
“HEY!“ The voice comes from opposite me and my heart drops.
Sam’s next to me. It’s not her. It’s Y/N. 
The Wendigo loses interest in me as soon as it hears her yell turning and heading straight for her. It all starts sinking in. Now that it’s facing away, Sam and I can make it out. But she can’t. It’s over for her. There’s no way she’s leaving this lodge.
I catch her eyes from across the room. Her posture says a fighter, but her eyes scream ‘petrified’. She knows it too. She knows it’s game over. A single tear rolls down her cheek, shattering my heart.
That’s the last vulnerable moment, however. She turns her head, deciding to go out without showing a glint of fear to that piece of shit. I don’t have to look at Sam or tell her what to do. We’re both aware that we’re about to make it out, losing Y/N in the process.
It happens in a split second. Y/N spits at the Wendigo and then next thing I see is her laying on the ground in a pool of blood. 
The dash out of the lodge is a blur. The last thing I remember is sitting outside of the burning building, staring at the flames. The lodge wasn’t the only thing burning. Years of memories; history; wendigos; and my heart burnt in that lodge.
I see the group leave the graveyard. I struggle to move forward, my limbs heavy. I feel gravity is a lot stronger all of a sudden. 
I didn’t go to the final goodbye. I knew it wasn’t her. There was nothing left of her to bury. Sam told me they buried things that reminded people of her and objects she cherished. 
Well it’s time I give my goodbye.
I shrug my jacket off - the same jacket from that night - and put it around the gravestone like I put it over her shoulders. There’s a box of the cigarettes she smoked in the inner pocket.
“I hope you felt what I felt, Y/N. I hope I didn’t have to say it for you to notice it. I wish I knew...cause now it’ll haunt me for the rest of my life.” I can’t stop the tears, I’m too weak and I’ve been holding them back for far too long. “I’ve never believed in an afterlife. But I really hope there is one, just so we can meet again.” I scoff, shaking my head, “Who am I kidding, I’m probably going to hell.”
I believe that’s where I deserve to go, anyway. I’m the reason she died. And I will never let myself live that down. I will never forgive myself. A flame like no other burnt out so mine could keep burning.   I will make sure it haunts me till the day I leave this world behind.
29 notes · View notes
Text
Lost And Found
Grim and Max, finally, come to Swynlake. 
Benedict Grimsby was awoken in the middle of the night by the piercing ring of his telephone. Normally, he would have let whatever telemarketer it was leave their shoddy voicemail about how his national insurance number had been released and go back to sleep. 
But then the phone rang again. He let out a huff which then prompted Max to reply with a low woof from the other end of the bed. (That had been a war unfought. As soon as Max had stopped trying to scratch down Eric’s door and come to whine in Benedict’s room the invitation onto the bed had been a reluctant, Fine! But only for tonight.) 
A hand reached across the sheets toward the harsh source of light sitting on the bedside table. He squinted at the phone screen when he had managed to pull it free of the charger. The area code was unfamiliar. Swynlake? Who would be calling him from there? 
Benedict would have not bothered usually but it was the middle of the night and perhaps there was a bit of bitterness he wanted to get out for them having woken him up. “Hello?” 
“Hello, sir, we’re sorry to call you at this hour. Are you Benedict Grimsby?” 
“Yes.”
“We are calling about an Eric Andersen who was admitted here at the Swynlake General Hospital earlier tonight. It took us awhile to get his medical files forwarded to us, but you’re listed as his next of kin.” 
He sat up slowly, pressing the phone closer against his ear. “I’m sorry, who’s there?”
“Eric Andersen?” There was the sound of papers shuffling before the woman spoke again. “White male. Born January 7th, 2001.” 
“That can’t be right.” 
“What?”
“I said that can’t be right,” he told her a little more forcefully. “Eric Andersen has been missing for over a year and a half. I don’t know who you have in your hospital, but it can't be him.” 
“Well, I don’t know what else to tell you, sir. He was brought in by a Henry Charming who identified him.” 
He could hardly believe what he was hearing. Two years ago he would have simply trudged down to whatever hospital, knowing full well that those two boys (but mainly Eric, since the Charming boy had always seemed to have more sense to him) had gotten themselves into trouble. But now, it just couldn’t be possible. Eric was dead. Not officially, but there had been no other survivors. Everyone had told him that there had been no chance. They were too far out for anyone, even an Olympic athlete in the best shape of their life, to have swam back to safety. He was gone. 
If Eric had survived he would have called. He would have come back at some point— if not for Grim than for his dog. 
“Sir?” the woman’s voice called him back from his thoughts. “Uh, Mr. Grimsby?”
“I’m here.” 
“Right.” A beat. “Just in case this is your Eric Andersen, he’s in stable condition now. If you would like to see him, you can.” 
“Could I speak to him?” 
“He’s actually still under the anesthetic from surgery, but we can always call you back when he wakes up.”
“How long will that be?”
“There’s really no telling. Everyone responds to it differently and given the extent of his injuries it may be a while. A few hours at minimum.” 
“Alright. Thank you.” 
“Of course, sir.” He started to pull the phone away but she spoke again. “I’ll see you when you get here. Drive safe.”  
The drive from Plymouth to Swynlake was supposed to have taken around 3 hours. For Benedict Grimsby, in the early hours of the morning when hardly anyone else was on the road and going well over the speed limit, it took him around 2 and a quarter. 
There had been no time for him to think clearly about this whole ordeal— something that being the guardian of that wretched boy had taught him oh too well. He had packed a back blindly, hooked the harness around Max, and shoved them both into the car. 
When he arrived at the hospital he didn’t know what to do with Max. He couldn’t very well leave him in the car. It may have been early morning before the sun had risen but it was still summer. So he took him on his harness into the building. 
Luckily Henry Charming was there, accompanied by two girls that Grim did not recognize and didn’t care to at the moment. He put Max in their care and turned to find a nurse gesturing for him. 
“Mr. Grimsby?” she asked as he approached, voice familiar. It took him a moment to place it.
“The nurse from the phone?” he countered and she smiled, nodding.
“Yes. I’m glad you’re here. Eric’s finally awake.” She turned to motion down the hall. “Would you like to go and see him now?” 
The walk to the room had been all too short. He’d spent the whole drive there trying to convince himself to not get his hopes up. Benedict was a practical person. All Grimsby’s were. 
But the Andersen’s had not been. 
His friendship with Aiden had been forged out of a strong grip and obnoxious stubbornness to win Benedict over. It hadn’t been a miracle or an act of fate or some such nonsense people like to spin poetry around. They had been friends because Aiden had willed it into the world and Benedict had no choice but to grow fond of him. 
Isla was not, by blood, an Andersen. When he had first met her she had been a Harrington. There was a steadiness to her that Aiden sorely lacked. Where he was made up of impulses and moved where he wanted, she had always been a pillar. She knew what she wanted and how she was going to go about getting it. And Aiden had followed her, all the way to the end. 
That had left Eric, a product of both parts, with Grimsby. 
Their will had been a shock to him. The lawyer had told him if he didn’t want to take responsibility then someone else would surely take the child. The Andersen’s had all passed, Aiden’s brother having gone long before him, but Isla still had family. He had contemplated the decision for a few days. It had been the practical thing to do, just as it would be to allow Eric to grow up among his family. 
He did not know why he accepted custody. Perhaps because it had been his friends’ last wish and the knowledge that they had entrusted the life of their son to him. 
There had always been doubt in the back of his mind that he was ill fit for the job. Every bruise and broken bone Eric had come back with had been allusions to this. What made it fact was when he had not come back at all.
A grand total of three Andersen’s had died on his watch. Now, one had returned and hadn’t even had the decency to call for the score to be settled.
In the time it took to get from the lobby to the hospital room he had not been able to really believe that he would find Eric inside. 
But then the door opened and there he was, looking up from where he had been staring out the window. That ridiculous grin bloomed across his face, elbows moving clumsily against the cushions to help him sit up. 
“Grim! You’re here!” 
Benedict turned his attention to the nurse who was already making her way out of the room. The door shut behind him with a resonating click. He took slow and measured steps over to the bed. 
“Look, I know you’re probably seething— and you’ve every right to be angry. I wanted to tell you. Every day! Every day I thought to myself, I need to call Grim, I need to tell him but I couldn’t.” Eric shook his head, the dark curls on his head bouncing. “How did you know I was here?”
Benedict didn’t answer, simply turned to focus on the leg that was wrapped up in bandages and sitting on a stack of pillows. 
“Oh, it’s nothing.” Eric waved a hand at it. “They’re making a bigger fuss of it than necessary.” 
His eyes traveled up to the various tubes attached to Eric’s arms. There were the usual suspects, an IV and medication. But the one for blood told him that the boy was lying, even if he didn’t realize it. 
Whatever had happened to him had been serious. 
And to think, he never would have known had Eric not been brought to a hospital. 
A whole calendar year had passed and then some, and Eric had not bothered to say anything.
“Grim?” Benedict blinked, eyes meeting Eric’s. He looked uneasy. An unusual emotion to find on the boy who was always so sure, so confident, so stubborn. “I know it’s bad. I know. But— say something? Even if it’s only anger.” 
It was true that Benedict felt anger but there was so much more there, too. Relief, hurt, happiness, utter devastation. He did not know which one to lean on first, which one could possibly hold control over all the others in order to choose the words in which to react. They were all so loud, so demanding, he could barely think with ease. 
A hand rose and reached forward to touch Eric’s shoulder. It was solid. The corner’s of Eric’s mouth quirked upward and he brought his hand up to lay on top. It had always been so easy for him. He had constantly taken Benedict’s hand or thrown his arms around the man in a hug. It was always something, that constant line of unspoken communication that he was there. 
Its absence had been staggering. 
Its sudden return felt worse somehow. Like a mended bone needing to be broken again in order to heal correctly this time over. 
All this time Benedict had been in mourning, trying to deal with the grief of the boy he thought to be dead. It had been killing him, slowly but surely. That reassuring touch seemed to be the reminder that the both of them were still alive. 
His grip on Eric’s shoulder tightened, no doubt painfully so, and he leaned forward to capture the boy in a hug. It was only then that he felt Eric’s hesitation, how it took him several seconds to bring his arms up and around to return it. But once they were there and met with no resistance, he seemed to relax, clutching on just as tightly. 
“I’m sorry, Grim.” His voice was quiet now, thick with emotion. 
He pulled away, hands coming up to clutch either side of Eric’s face just to look at him. Alive. Breathing. Not dead, lost in the sea like everyone had said he was. His eyes were glassy and skin pale, but it was still the Eric he remembered.
Grim shook his head in disbelief, laughing until it tapered into a sob and he had to hug Eric to him all over again. “You really delight in these sadistic strains on my blood pressure, don’t you?” 
Eric laughed then too, the sound of it watery and surprised. “Are you mad?” 
“Oh, I think what I’m feeling goes far beyond the scope of the English language. Enjoy it now because in several days when I get over you not being dead, I will have plenty of anger left.” With a sigh he pulled away. “What happened?” 
“It’s a long story.” 
“You say that as if you’ve never used that excuse before.” 
And so Eric told him everything. From top to bottom. About the wreck, getting saved, coming to Swynlake, getting a job, going to uni, telling Henry, avoiding Philip, Tom, and John like the plague, and getting attacked by a creature earlier that night. 
“Or should I say yesterday?” Eric glanced over to the window where the sky’s dark inky blue had lightened. The sun had not come up just yet, but it was only a matter of minutes. 
Grim didn’t say anything for a long time, having to mull all that information over in his mind. Again, there was too much emotion to deal with. He couldn’t remember a time he had felt so much and so many all in the span of a few hours. 
“Grim?” He looked up to find Eric squinting at him. “Did I lose you somewhere?” 
He shook his head. “No.” 
“Then why do you look like that?”
“Like what?”
“I dunno— like you’re the one sitting in the hospital bed with a leg that’s just been used for a chew toy.” 
Grim let out a breath through his nose. With one last look at Eric he sat up, getting ready to stand. “Thank you for telling me. It seems you’ve made quite a new life for yourself here.” 
Eric watched, confused, as Grim stood. “Are you leaving?”
“Yes.” 
“But— you just got here.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” 
“Then why’re you going? I don’t understand.”
“Eric, had the hospital not called me tonight, would you have?”
Eric’s eyes drifted away from him then, falling on his hands that were fiddling with the blanket. “I don’t know.”
Grim nodded because he did. 
“But—! You’re here now! Can’t you stay?” 
“Why?” 
“What’d’ya mean why?” Eric scoffed. “Because I want you to.” 
“You didn’t want me here before.”
“Oh my god.” He rolled his eyes, arms lifting and falling heavily against the mattress. “Is that what you think? That I ran away from you?” 
“No. But you seem to be doing just fine here all on your own.” 
“I’m not! I wasn’t! I would’ve cracked a long time ago if it weren’t for other people. My boss, for one. My friends, too. I wouldn’t’ve gotten where I did if it weren’t for all of them.” Eric shook his head, one corner of his mouth raised up in a half smile. It disappeared after a moment when his eyes turned back on Grim. “And you. I wouldn’t be anywhere if it weren't for you.” 
“That’s not true.” 
“‘Course it is. What? You think 10 year old me could have done it all on his own?” Eric snorted. “Don’t be stupid.” 
“Eric—”
“I’m sorry. That was rude, I know. Shouldn’t have said it.” He sniffled, swiping the sleeve of his hospital gown under his nose and making Grim cringe. “I know you’re the one who gets to be angry here and that I’ve no right to it since I hurt you but— but you can’t just go around saying that.” 
Grim blinked. 
He had seen Eric upset before. Several times over and in many different ways. Frustrated over his school work. Humiliated over something that had happened at training that had gotten him yelled at. Heart broken. Grieving. Name it, he had seen it— or he thought he had. But he had never seen this. 
“After I didn’t say anything those first few months I knew that when I did tell you I had to have done something. Otherwise it would have just been like every other time I called you to come get me out of something. I wanted—” Instead of finishing his sentence a shuttery breath left him and that alone stretched the moment into eternity. 
Finally Grim found enough courage to ask, “What did you want?” 
Eric turned to look up at him, jaw working itself for a moment until he finally relented. “I wanted to be someone that you could finally be proud of. Not just some idiot kid who ruined your life when my parents made you take me.” 
Grim understood then that all those other times, all those little moments when he thought he had failed Eric, this past year and a half he had thought there was nothing worse he could have done then allowed him to walk right to his own death— it’s absolutely nothing compared to the sound of those words. 
“Oh, Eric. They didn’t make me do anything. It was my choice and I’ve never regretted it, or you, for a moment.” He stepped closer to the bed again. “And I’ve always been proud of who you are.” 
Eric stared at him, searching. “Really? Even— even though I barely graduated from secondary?”
“Yes.”
“Even after I broke your client’s fancy vase that one time?”
“Yes.”
“Even after I brought home that pig?”
“I do hope you’re not referring to Max.”
“And—” Eric hesitated but eventually continued. “And even though I didn’t tell you I was okay?” 
“Of course I am. I may not be happy about it and I may want to wring your neck for what you put me through this past year. And you may have gone about your pursuit for the truth in a very— unorthodox way, but, if what you’ve told me is true and you have accomplished all of this here, then, yes. Yes, I’m proud of you. I always have been.” 
A familiar grin blossomed over Eric’s face that transformed it into something like the sunrise about to take place outside. It was so earnest and bright Grim could not help but smile in return. “Ah, Grim, I always tell people you’re a big softie, and no one ever believes me.” 
“Good. I’d rather like to keep it that way.”
“So— this mean you’re staying?” 
“If you want me to.”
“Always.” Eric reached out to clasp Grim’s forearm. He turned his head, a shoulder lifting. “And I mean, if you’re not going to disown me over this then there’s really nothing worse I can do, is there?” 
“Don’t test it.”
“Believe me, Grim, I don’t think I could even if I wanted to.” He tugged on Grim’s arm until he was seated back in his chair. “You’re going to love this place! Don’t worry, it’ll be great.” 
Grim nodded. Odd how easy it was to slip back into their respective roles. How Eric made even the most complex of situations such as this one sound so simple. For now, Grim supposed he could believe him. “I’m sure it will.” 
A pause. 
“Hey Grim? Did you bring Max?” 
2 notes · View notes
let-the-dream-begin · 4 years
Text
A Place to Belong: Chapter 12 Thicker Than Blood
Chapter 11
Read on AO3
Tumblr media
Claire and Jenny were once again sitting in the grass near the mill, watching the children play. This time, Kitty was running around with them, and yelling as well. She was starting to speak in one word sentences, much to Jenny’s relief, things like “up,” “Ma,” “Da,” “jam”. More often than not, in chasing after her siblings, she toppled over, but after the first three times, Claire and Jenny stopped expressing concern. She was perfectly fine.
The little life inside Claire was growing more and more restless by the day. It was nearing the end of August, just over a month since the baby had started kicking.
Claire cried out softly, her hand flying to her stomach.
“Ye alright?” Jenny asked, looking up from the shirt she was mending.
“Yes, I’m fine…just a strong kick, is all.” Claire shook her head in disbelief. “Strongest one yet.”
“Sometimes it feels like they’re trying to bruise ye,” Jenny said, laughing. “Kitty was brutal to me. Though I’m sure that’s no surprise.”
Claire chuckled. “He seems quite eager to get out of me. I don’t know what the rush is,” she crooned, looking down at her swollen abdomen. “You’ve still got three months to go in there.”
They both chuckled at that, and then another thought crossed Claire’s mind.
“You know…” she absently stroked her bump, unable to take her eyes off it now. “He’s already further along than Faith ever was.”
“That’s a good thing, is it no’?”
“Of course. I thank God every time I can feel his life, even if it feels like a personal attack sometimes.” She gave a tiny smile. “It’s just…strange. I never actually got this big, her kicking never got this strong.”
Jenny put down her sewing for a moment to take Claire’s hand. “There’s no shame in celebrating what ye have wi’ this bairn, even though ye couldna have it wi’ the first.” Claire nodded silently. “Faith will always be the one to make ye a mother. Yer first born. But this one will be special to ye in his own way.” Jenny placed a hand on Claire’s belly. “D’ye ken what I’m trying to say?”
Claire nodded. “I do.” She covered Jenny’s hand on her stomach. “Thank you, Jenny.” Unexpectedly, her eyes filled with tears. “I wish…” She took a shuddery breath. “I wish she could have been buried here. And I wish we could have laid her father beside her.”
Jenny’s eyes swam with tears as well. “They’re together now, sister. Ye ken that.” Claire nodded, wiping her eyes. “He can be the father he always wanted to be. To Faith.”
Just then, Kitty shrieked, and both of their heads whipped up to see Jamie haphazardly holding her by the waist.
“Jamie! Put her down!” Jenny called. He released his grip, and she unceremoniously thudded into the grass, popping her head back up in no time and toddling away from Jamie.
“Christ…” Jenny groaned, but Claire started laughing.
“What do you suppose he was going to do with her?” Claire asked.
“Throw her into the stream I’d expect. He’s still angry she wasna a wee brother.”
Claire laughed out loud at that, wiping away the lingering tears that remained on her face.
“Auntie Claire!” Maggie’s voice squeaked, scampering toward them. She was clutching something in her wee fist, and she presented it proudly to her. “Flower. Fer yer garden.”
“Oh, thank you so much!” Claire beamed at her, taking it from her. It was a blue thistle, likely plucked somewhere near the mill. “This will be lovely with the rest of my herbs and medicines, Maggie. Thank you.”
Maggie smiled a wide, toothy grin, twisting her skirt in her hand.
“Give yer Auntie a kiss, Maggie,” Jenny said, knowing she needed it.
Maggie immediately obeyed, throwing her arms around Claire’s neck and planting a kiss on her cheek. Claire laughed joyously, returning the embrace and holding her tightly. It was hard to believe that come November, it would be three whole years since she had delivered this little girl. 
Maggie pulled away and bit her bottom lip excitedly before speaking again. “See baby?” she asked, looking down at Claire’s stomach.
“You’d like to see the baby?” Claire said, and she nodded, her strawberry blonde curls bouncing. “Come here.”
Claire took her hands and put them on her bump, and Maggie’s eyes lit up.
“If you are very patient,” Claire said, whispering to emphasize the importance of her words. “He may say hello.”
“Patient!” Maggie repeated, nodding again.
She practically bounced up and down, though she kept her hands glued to her Auntie’s belly the whole time. When the baby finally decided to kick, Maggie squealed. Claire and Jenny both laughed out loud.
“See?” Claire said. “There’s your wee cousin.”
“Hello baby!” she called, practically shouting at Claire’s stomach. “Baby cousin! Hello cousin!”
“You’re going to be so very helpful when he’s born, aren’t you?” Claire said, tickling Maggie’s own stomach.
She giggled. “Yes! I’ll help! Help baby!”
Claire kissed Maggie’s cheek. “Good girl.”
Jenny pulled Maggie over and covered her face with kisses, causing her to squeal all the more. “Run along now, make sure yer brother doesna damage wee Kitty.”
Giggling still, Maggie ran off to rejoin her siblings in the open field.
“Ye canna use that fer anything, can ye?” Jenny asked, picking up her mending once more.
“Not like this,” Claire said, smiling. “But I’ll cherish it nonetheless.”
She tucked the flower into a pocket in her skirt and picked up the sock she’d abandoned mending several minutes ago. Her cheek still felt warmed by the kiss that her darling niece had given her.
“Your children are so special to me, Jenny,” Claire said. “I can’t imagine what it will feel like to have my own child kiss me like that.”
“There are days when I take it fer granted,” Jenny admitted. She looked up at her children again, seemingly getting along for now. “But no’ today. The love ye feel fer yer child is…well, it’s the strongest thing I’ve ever felt. I look at them and I’m reminded I’d do anything fer them. Anything.”
Claire nodded in understanding, but she was suddenly overwhelmed with guilt. Would she really do anything for her child? If that were the case, wouldn’t she have let Jamie send her back through the stones? This was a volatile world to bring a child into, with or without the dangers awaiting them at childbirth. If she’d truly do anything for her child, wouldn’t she have set aside her own wishes to bring her to a safer world, even if her heart would have died?
“Claire?” Jenny prodded, noticing she’d stopped sewing again. “What’re ye thinking?”
Claire swallowed thickly. She couldn’t tell her. Not right now.
“Just…worrying, I suppose.” Claire shrugged.
“Look at Maggie, Claire,” Jenny said pointedly. At present, she was holding Kitty’s hands and circling round and round with her. “The beautiful lass who just gave ye a flower and a kiss. I thought she’d die, Claire, honest to God I did. The second ye told me she’d be a breech baby I started accepting my own death as well as hers.”
“I remember.”
“Look at her now. She’s braw, she’s happy. During those hours and hours of agony, I never could have imagined this. This moment, now.” Their laughter, all three of her children, was loud as ever. “It makes sense that ye worry. Sometimes our worst fears come to pass. But sometimes, they don’t.”
Claire nodded thoughtfully. Maggie’s birth could have been dangerous even in the twentieth century, and they’d survived it in the eighteenth. Perhaps the same could be said for the little one that she carried now. There was really no way to know, and there was only one way to find out.
Another swift kick came, causing Claire to exhale sharply. Claire smiled to herself. She could practically hear Jamie admonishing their baby, telling him to stop beating his mother so.
“After all the work of carrying him around, this is the thanks he gives ye?” he would say. And Claire would assure him it didn’t hurt so very badly, and she would kiss him, and he would kiss their baby, rub his hands over her belly, quietly pleading with him in Gaelic to be kinder to his mother.
God, she missed him so.
——
August wore on, and Claire found herself settled in a comforting routine of breakfast, then gardening, then helping Jenny with whatever task, like laundry, mending, cooking. The herbs they’d planted back in June were doing quite well, and she now had a healthy supply of dried herbs for medicines and teas. Jenny had set aside a section of an old barn where she could properly hang things to dry, then come back to collect them and add them to her medical box.
Tending to her plants, taking little cuts and snippets, drying them, crushing them, mixing them, brewing them…it was cathartic for Claire. She was very grateful that Jenny had insisted she start doing this all those months ago. Her work was diligent and therefore mind numbing, and yet she was not working herself to the bone. She was getting the fresh air, the distraction she needed, without bringing any harm to herself or her baby. 
Occasionally her blank mind would be forced to return to the present when her nephew would barge into the barn, or when her niece would bolt up to her as she tended the garden with yet another flower that she simply had to add. She’d scoop Jamie up, hold him as high as she could to allow him to tie up a bundle of herbs with the others to dry, and thank him so very much for being so helpful. She’d take the flowers from Maggie and “plant” them beside the herbs, promising her that it would turn into a wonderful medicine that she could use one day.
“Flowers, Auntie?” She’d toddle up to her every day to check on them. “Me’cine yet?”
“Why, I think so,” Claire would say. “Look.”
And she’d show her the exact spot that Maggie had watched her bury the flower, and watch as her eyes popped out of her head to see the greenery that had “sprouted” overnight, which was really only Claire moving a few things around. Indulging her in this way had proved more of a feat than Claire had originally signed up for, because the more and more Maggie saw evidence of her efforts proving helpful, the more and more she wanted to help.
After a while, she’d had to gently tell her that there was no room for any more flowers, but that since it was so full, she needed her help to take care of it. She’d wholeheartedly agreed, eager to help her Auntie. Claire had deemed her “my little garden faery,” her wee helper. And Maggie loved it. Claire also adored it. It touched her heart in a way she could not describe that she’d been the one to bring her into the world with Jenny, and now she seemed to be attached to her at the hip. It meant more to her than she could ever explain.
Perhaps someday, when she was old enough to truly understand, Claire could teach Maggie medicine, really teach her. Perhaps someday the tenants of Lallybroch would have two healers to go to.
Claire watched from her garden as Maggie plucked weeds and flowers alike out of the dirt around the porch and the goat pen, singing in Gaelic to herself.
Yes, perhaps someday…but why rush away the beautiful innocence she possessed right now?
September arrived, and they were now in the throes of harvest season. The potato crop had done splendidly again, and though there was always the lingering fear of unknown possibilities, everyone was certain that they’d survive the winter once more because of it. Game had been difficult, seeing as they no longer had any guns to hunt with. They’d taken to setting traps in the woods surrounding Lallybroch, and for most of the summer they’d been lucky enough to have rabbit on and off every couple of days. Fergus would march himself right into the kitchen, proudly brandishing the wee beast from the trap he’d set all by himself. 
Claire was enjoying watching him thrive here. In Paris, he’d been confined to one small building his whole life, not to mention how unsuitable an establishment it was for children. Then even after Jamie had liberated him, his free spirit was confined by the high, brick walls of the city, his lungs clouded from breathing in the slums. In Scotland, at Lallybroch, he was truly coming into his own; as much as Claire hated to admit it, he was becoming his own man.
Of course, he was still only eleven—no, twelve years old (just turned it), hardly a man by any means, not yet at least. But he was unencumbered here. He had a family to belong to, a family to protect and provide for using the wilderness that surrounded him. If it wasn’t for his obvious French-ness, in his manner and accent, one would not question that he was a Highlander through and through.
And Jamie would be so proud.
Today, September the twenty-second, Fergus was gone for a peculiarly long amount of time. On the days where he checked the traps, he was gone right after breakfast and back in no more than two hours. It was nearing a third hour, and Claire was growing anxious. Was it irresponsible of her to allow him to run off into the woods alone? No, he could take care of himself. She knew that. Or perhaps she overestimated him. Twelve years old was still a child, whether or not the people of this time believed it to be so.
Claire was working fretfully on her garden, unable to bear the worst-case scenarios that whirled in her mind for much longer, when she heard hoofbeats come up the road. She whirled around and breathed a sigh of relief to see her boy trotting toward the house. Ian had taught him to ride over the summer, and he was getting quite good. Yet another thing that would make his father proud.
“Fergus!” she called as he got closer. “What on Earth took you — ”
And then she noticed the enormous bundle draped over the flank of the horse, behind the boy in the saddle. Fergus was beaming ear to ear, slowing the horse as he drew nearer to Claire.
“Is that — ?”
“A deer, Maman!” he said smugly, sliding off the horse and surveying his work proudly.
“How did you—? You couldn’t have shot it—?”
“No, Maman, the poor thing was in one of my traps,” he said, and his pride briefly morphed into sympathy. “They are meant for very wee animals, as you know, so it did not kill her right away. Just hurt her leg.” Claire couldn’t help but smile at his use of the word “wee.”
“It was very sad to see her suffering when I came upon her, but I knew she would only suffer more if I let her free. So I gave her mercy with my knife.” He gave a curt nod, like a little soldier. “And now we have lots of meat for supper!”
Claire laughed jovially and pulled him into a hug. Her hugs had become quite awkward lately, having to careen him around to her side so they could actually embrace each other. Two more months, she thought to herself. Two more months of feeling like an absolute tank in the way of everything.
She tenderly kissed the top of his head. “Wonderful job, mon fils. Why don't you join your uncle in the fields and I’ll see about getting it butchered, hm?”
He nodded, stretched up to kiss her cheek, gave her swollen middle a pat, and then scampered off around the house. She briefly caressed the spot on her cheek that he’d so briefly kissed, smiling to herself. He would never know how much his affection, his love, meant to her. 
Claire grunted and clutched her abdomen, exhaling sharply. Speaking of affection, she thought wryly to herself, smiling in spite of the most recent, ruthless blow to her womb.
“Easy there, little one,” she said, rubbing the spot. “You’ll knock Mummy right off her feet if you keep that up.”
“Good Lord, what is that?” Jenny suddenly appeared on the porch.
“A deer that Fergus killed mercifully after finding her in his trap.” Claire smiled proudly.
“Mo Dhiah!” she exclaimed, crossing herself as she approached the horse. “His bounty be blessed!”
“We’ll eat like kings tonight,” Claire laughed.
“Kings indeed!” Jenny gave the poor beast a pat on her flank. “Let’s get it ready then, shall we?”
It had been a great struggle to carry the animal inside to be butchered; many of their servants had had to be let go in the financial struggle that had followed Culloden. They were more apt to let go of the men first, as they would be more likely to find other work, and most of the male servants were attached to the female ones, either by marriage or because they were siblings. The Murrays were heart sorry to do it, and of course they hadn’t officially let anyone go until they found other work, but they simply couldn't afford to live like Laird and Lady anymore. The only servants left were Mrs. Crook, of course, who had firmly insisted that they’d have to drive her away with the switch (which had been met with “we wouldn’t dream of being rid of you, yer one of our own”), Rabbie, though he’d truly become more of a foster-son to the Murrays despite his status as their stable boy, and the Donnelleys, a widow woman and her wee daughter, serving as maids.
And so, Mrs. Crook, Jenny, Mrs. Donnelly, and even wee Laura, had struggled to get the beast inside. Claire had tried to help, but every single one of the three women had accosted her into stepping aside; how dare she, a pregnant woman at great risk, even think of lifting such an enormous beast?
Despite Claire’s initial annoyance, she was grateful for their concern. She hadn’t realized, but she was already quite sore without doing any heavy lifting. Once the beast was laid out, they each pitched in for its butchering. Jenny fussed over Claire all the while, never letting her do anything she deemed too strenuous. Even as her hormones raged and demanded revenge, she had to remind herself that Jenny was only looking out for her best interests, and she really was right. Claire had been very good so far about sparing herself from anything that would overwork her, and at seven months pregnant was perhaps the worst time to start changing that.
So she begrudgingly wielded the smaller knives, did not engage in any large swinging or hacking motions that would bring any greater pain to her back. Eventually the butchering was complete, and they separated the useful bits of meat and other things from the disposable bits. Mrs. Donnelly and wee Laura went off to be rid of what they didn’t need and then went about the rest of their daily tasks, leaving the sisters and Mrs. Crook in the kitchen to prepare the meat to cook.
It certainly was an all day affair, but the joy on the children’s faces, hell, even on Ian’s face made it all worth it. It was perhaps the heartiest meal they’d had in months. Everyone was all smiles, laughing, children and adults alike. Even Claire. She allowed herself to become lost in the food, in the drink, in the laughter of the children she had come to love and cherish more than her own life.
“Catching a full grown deer in one of those wee rabbit traps was surely God’s grace,” Ian said toward the end of supper, raising his glass to Fergus. “Either that, or our wee Frenchman is one lucky bastard!”
Fergus’s nose crinkled with the laughter he unleashed, and everyone else’s laughter followed.
“Sláinte!” Ian cried, and everyone echoed, even the children with their cups of water.
God’s grace…
Claire gave the table a glance over, her cheeks sore from smiling, her throat aching from laughter.
“Auntie,” wee Jamie pulled at her left sleeve, whispering.
“Yes?” She answered with contrived secrecy, leaning her ear closer to him.
“May I try yer whisky, Auntie?” he whispered, but the desired effect of quiet was not achieved, as everyone at the table burst into laughter.
Claire’s head fell back with laughter, before promptly covering the lad with tickles, kissing his head over and over.
“If big Jamie could have heard you say that…” Claire shook her head, still laughing.
“He’d surely give it to him!” Jenny said rolling her eyes at the thought.
“Uncle Jamie? He’d give me whisky?” 
“Aye, and I’d box his ears fer it,” Jenny said firmly. “No whisky until yer grown.”
“Fergus isna grown!” Jamie pointed across the table accusingly. Fergus put his hands up in surrender.
“Tell ye what, lad,” Ian said. “When you bring an entire deer home fer supper, ye can have all the whisky ye want.”
Without another word, Jamie sprang out of his seat and scrambled out of the room.
“And where d’ye think yer off to, and no’ excusing yerself?” Jenny called after him.
“I’m gonnae set a trap! Fer a deer!”
“Lord ha’ mercy,” Jenny sighed, exasperated. Ian laughed so hard he started slamming the table.
“Best be stopping the wee huntsman before he becomes a drunk at five years old.” Jenny stood up from the table, and Claire could see the glimmer in her eye as she followed after her headstrong boy.
“When can I ha’ whisky, Da?” Maggie suddenly piped, rising all the way onto her knees.
“Never,” Ian said, taking another sip of his own drink.
Claire chuckled to herself at Maggie’s adorable wee pout. “Oh, don’t worry, Maggie, my little garden faery,” she whispered into her hair. “When you’re old enough, Auntie Claire will share her whisky with you. Our secret.” She put a finger to her lips to emphasize discretion, and she copied, making an adorable “shh” noise. Claire laughed and kissed her forehead, overwhelmed with love.
God’s grace indeed, she thought, that these people are my family. 
Family in a conventional sense had been lost on Claire for most of her life. Both parents dead at five years old had left her traveling with Uncle Lamb for her childhood and adolescence. Then she was flung into Frank’s arms, then Jamie’s. Jamie had felt the closest to family she’d ever imagined, but this was different. This was a whole family, an entire wee clan that welcomed her with open arms.
My own family.
49 notes · View notes
no-gays-in-russia · 3 years
Text
Someone Has To Die: Review
TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of suicide, murder, homophobia.
SPOILER ALERT: major spoilers for all three episodes of Someone Has To Die.
Introduction: Someone Has To Die (”Alguien Tiene Que Morir”) is a Spanish/Mexican miniseries of three 50 minutes long episodes set in the 50s which follows the story of Gabino, a young man who has just come back to Spain after living in Mexico with his mother’s family for 10 years. With him he brings his friend Lazaro, a Mexican ballet dancer. Soon, rumours start spreading that Lazaro and Gabino are in a relationship, fueled by Lazaro’s profession (everyone believes that a male ballet dancer must necessarily be gay) and by the intimacy between the two of them. However, Lazaro is straight and actually attracted to Gabino’s mom, Mina (spoiler: it’s mutual), while Gabino is in fact gay and has feelings of romantic nature towards Lazaro, despite them not being reciprocated. Although they are fake, those rumours keep growing, with the help of Cayetana, the girl that Gabino is supposed to marry and sister of Alonso. Alonso is an old friend of Gabino and it’s made clear throughout the show that before the latter left for Mexico something of homoerotic nature happened between the two of them, although it is never specified exactly what; long story short, Gabino is the only one to know that Alonso is also gay and let me tell you, homeboy has a shit ton of internalised homophobia. When the rumours reach their maximum height, Mina tries to help Lazaro and Gabino run away to Paris, but Gabino’s father, who works at a prison, finds out and, advised by his mother, gets Gabino arrested, while Lazaro is able to escape. Mina and Lazaro are then found having sex in the woods and that’s when chaos ensues- Gabino’s father wants to kill Mina and Lazaro, he tells Gabino to do so, Gabino refuses and points his shotgun at his father, his father points his gun at Gabino, then Alonso kills Gabino’s father, Gabino’s grandma kills Alonso and then Lazaro and finally Gabino kills his grandma. And that’s how the show ends. Another important element of the plot is that, while everyone believes Gabino’s grandpa died in a hunting accident, he was actually murdered by Gabino’s grandma, and young Gabino witnessed it (this is a big part of the reason why he was sent to Mexico shortly after); there’s also a subplot involving the family’s maid, quite significant because it leads to Gabino’s dad finding out the truth about his father’s death, but I don’t want to go into too much detail so I’ll stop here.
General opinion: after watching the masterpiece that is Young Royals (I will make a post on it soon), this struck me as a pretty average show; not bad, but not exceptional either (there are some great elements, but they are an exception). The acting is realistic but stiff, the characters are mostly unidimensional and sometimes unlikeable when they shouldn’t be, and the ending sort of leaves you thinking: what’s the point? The show as a whole is not meaningless at all (quite thoughtful and sensible at times, actually), but that’s what the ending feels like- everybody’s dead, now what? What does that mean? How was that significant to the plot? I liked Alonso killing Gabino’s father, because it shows that after all he cared for Gabino and was willing to help him, and I also liked Gabino killing his grandma, showing his strength and proving everyone who described him as fragile wrong, but I feel like Alonso and/or Lazaro should have been kept alive.
The characters: now, the characters are the most important thing in a tv show for me; if everything’s good but I hate the characters I cannot keep watching it, if everything’s horrible but I hate the characters I will keep watching it. The fact that I got through the entire show proves that they are not terrible, but I didn’t love them either. I will now analyse all of the main characters one by one, starting from Gabino. About Gabino, I noticed a discrepancy between the way he is described by other characters and the way he appears through his own actions and words. The adjectives that are most used to describe Gabino in the show are “dreamer” and “fragile”. Now, I’m not saying Gabino is not a dreamer, but since the other characters stress this aspect so much I would have expected his behaviour and words to demonstrate that much more than they actually did. And speaking of fragile, to me Gabino seemed the absolute opposite- I actually perceived him as an incredibly strong character. Throughout the entirety of the show he went through Hell so many times (got rejected by the man he loves, got beat up by Alonso, got put into jail by his own father, witnessed half of his family and closest friends dying in front of him) and he never gave up. He always responded with strength, murdering his grandma, not committing suicide when Alonso advised him to. However, this discrepancy might be caused by the fact that it had been 10 years since any of the other characters had last seen Gabino (although if I’m not mistaken Lazaro too describes him as a dreamer), so they might describe what they remember him as without realizing how much he’s changed throughout the years. But I still felt like in his case the show did too much telling and not enough showing. But now, let’s move onto the other character involved in the rumours: Lazaro. With Lazaro, I have a different issue: I felt as though he was supposed to be a likeable character, but I ended up really disliking him. At first we see him as a bit naive, a very good friend to Gabino, extremely passionate about dancing, a dreamer more so than Gabino (he repeatedly voices his fantasies about visiting Paris and getting to dance at the Opèra); but in the end, he proves himself as being selfish and unfaithful, as he literally has sex with Mina while Gabino is in prison. Your best friend has just been arrested and your first thought is to fuck his mom? And let’s not forget that Lazaro knew that Gabino loved him, so he knew this would hurt him even more. And when Cayetana pretends to offer to him to leave for Paris with her, he agrees- again, proving how little he cares about Gabino being in prison. He has some very good moments as well, including one of my two favourite scenes in the show, but my overall opinion on him is not positive. Now let’s talk about the three characters that we were actually supposed to perceive as negative: Cayetana, Gabino’s grandma Ampara and Gabino’s dad Gregorio. Cayetana’s sole personality trait is that of being evil- there doesn’t even seem to be a motivation behind her actions, she just does it because she is an a-hole. That’s pretty much the same with Ampara, with the small exception that she justifies her actions by saying it’s all for her family (hard to say whether she actually believes her own words or not). But in the end, both characters fail at being fascinating, meaningful villains: they’re plain and unidimensional. The case is a bit different for Gregorio: he’s overall a despicable character, but further traits are added so that he is not just a plain villain- he is a bad person, and that makes a big difference. In particular, I love that they make him a conflicted character, portraying the contrast between the pain he causes Gabino and the pain he himself feels realising how much he’s hurting his son. However, in my opinion, the best, most interesting and most lovable characters in the show are Alonso and Mina. Alonso may be interpreted as a negative character himself, but he sort of redeems himself towards the end. He does some very good things (killing Gregorio to protect Gabino, Mina and Lazaro), some very bad things (kidnapping Gabino and Lazaro, hurting Lazaro’s leg, beating Gabino almost to death) and some things that weren’t exactly good but which he did with good intentions (repeatedly advising Gabino to leave Spain forever, bringing him a gun while he’s in prison and advising him to kill himself). I think the only mistake they did was making him hurt Gabino and Lazaro in such a way, because they wanted him to be a redeemable and likeable character but honestly that was almost unforgivable. But at the same time I can see that Alonso’s violence on Gabino was the result of him taking his feelings towards Gabino (probably some feelings of romantic nature and jealousy towards his supposed relationship with Lazaro) and transforming them into something that he felt to be more acceptable and more manageable, and on top of that it was the manifestation of his disgust, fear, anger, frustration for his own homosexuality. All in all, Alonso is a very complex and conflicted character, sometimes submissive and others extremely corageous, good and bad, selfless and selfish. But if perfection was almost reached with Alonso, we move even closer to the perfect character with Mina- I want to slap her and hug her at the same time, and that’s what I love. Even more than Alonso, she is an incredibly complex character. I think she’s the main character more so than Gabino- so many interesting clues about her personality and her personal history are continously thrown around and you just want to know more and more about her. From her clearly feeling inadequate and different because she’s Mexican and leaving in Spain to her love story with Lazaro (who is Mexican like her- something to note), to the contrast between her desire to help others and her fragility which often makes it impossible, Mina is a well explored, multi-dimentional, lovable and despicable character.
My favourite scenes: finally, I want to discuss two scenes that I thought to be absolutely brilliant (if the entire show had been like those two scenes I would have considered it a masterpiece). The first takes place when Gabino and Lazaro are back home after Alonso’s attack; Lazaro is mending Gabino’s wounds, when the latter stops him and tells him he’s sorry for getting him involved. Lazaro replies he’s not done anything wrong, but Gabino states: <<I love you, and that’s the problem.>> Lazaro says: <<I love you too.>> and Gabino: <<But not in the same way.>> And that’s when Lazaro says the most beautiful line in the show: <<But I love you still, and that could never be wrong.>> That line equates platonic and romantic love, stating that despite them being two different kinds of love they are still exactly the same thing: love. So just like no one would ever say Lazaro is wrong for loving Gabino platonically, at the same time Lazaro states that no one could ever say Gabino is wrong for loving him romantically, because that’s exactly the same thing: love. And love is never wrong. The second scene takes place after Mina and Lazaro have been found together in the woods close to the club and Gregorio gets Gabino out of prison to take him there with him. Gabino is alone in his father’s car, Alonso sees him and goes to sit in the car with him. Alonso tells Gabino about how terrible he feels having to lie every day about who he really is, and then asks him to describe what it is like having sex with a man. Gabino tries to resist, but after Alonso begs him he gives in and recounts the first time he had sex with a man. Alonso is profoundly moved by his story and visibly tries to contain his emotions, but he fails, as tears start streaming down his face; then, once Gabino is done talking, he grabs the gun he’d given him in prison and tries to shoot himself. Gabino is able to stop him and Alonso breaks down crying, hugging Gabino while the latter promises him that they’re always going to be there for one another. Such a touching moment.
1 note · View note
cali-holland · 4 years
Text
Teenage Love Story, Part Five- S.M.
Tumblr media
Pairing: Shawn Mendes X Reader
Prompt: Shawn writes his own version of "Lover” for you, a.k.a an extension of part four mainly from Shawn’s point of view.
Word Count: 2500
Previous Parts: Teaser   One   Two   Three   Four
Warnings: lil bit of sexual jokes if you squint
Based on: Lover (Remix) by Taylor Swift ft. Shawn Mendes
A/N: Here’s the fifth part no one expected six months later...
~~~
August 2019
Shawn couldn’t help himself as he paced nervously in his hotel room. He had just finished his show in Boston, and he should be filled with exhilarating adrenaline; instead, he was overcome by nerves. 
He found himself in a catch 22 of sorts- Taylor had just released a new song, Lover, and he knew that you wrote a good amount of that track, but he missed you and he knew the song would only make the pain in his heart grow. He couldn’t decide if he wanted to listen to it, if he could even bring himself to listen to it. It was supposed to be your song, your love ballad to him; and he knew it must be good if Taylor released it as a single. Who was he kidding- he thought every song you wrote was good.
“It’s just a song.” Shawn whispered to himself as he played with the phone in his hands, “I’ve listened to all of Y/N’s songs. This isn’t any different.” He kept talking to himself, shaking his head as he tried to reach a decision. “That’s it. I’m going to do it.”
Sighing, he laid down on the bed and opened up Spotify. Of course, it was advertised at the top of his phone: “Taylor Swift’s new single, Lover, out now”. He began the song and listened intently.
“We could leave the Christmas lights up ‘til January,
This our place, we make the rules,
And there’s a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear,
Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?” Shawn let out a heartbroken laugh, remembering back to that day that he first read through your journal. He knew it was private, but he just desperately wanted to know. That was the day he gave you that promise ring and promised to always be yours. 
As the song continued on, Shawn felt his eyes begin to sting with tears. Defeated, he stared up at the ceiling, longing to hold you again.
“And I’m highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you,
I’ve loved your three summers now, honey, but I want ‘em all,” He didn’t need to even think about whether it was you or Taylor who wrote that line; he knew it was you. He saw that in your journal as well, and he had told himself he wanted all of your summers too; yet, here he was, spending his first summer without you in years.
As the song ended, Shawn put it on repeat and just stayed there, crying alone in his hotel room. If anyone were to walk in, he doubted that he could even bring himself to be embarrassed of his current; his head was filled with thoughts of you. He just wanted you and only you.
He wiped away his tears and looked at his phone clearly for the first time since he first heard the song. Spotify had credited you as a co-writer of the song. Shawn smiled fondly, glad that you finally took credit for your song-writing talent. He found himself reading over your past text messages to each other from all those months ago. You were so in love back then. He wanted to reach out, to tell you he loved the song, to say that he was proud of you, to apologize for hurting you.
But he couldn’t. He thought maybe you had moved on, maybe you had found someone better than him. He knew that you deserve the best and he highly doubted that he was the best for you.
Abandoning his hopeless scroll through the text messages, he began to go through his photos. He didn’t think it would make him feel any better, but that bittersweet feeling of reminiscing was all he could get at that moment. Photos of your time together was the closest he could get to you.
He had an album titled “Lover” that he had started while you were still together. While the pictures and videos were all out of order, he still admired it. You found it cheesy but embarrassing as he had some pretty questionable photos of you saved in there. You’d never admit it to him, but you adored it.
The very first picture was the first one of the two of you. It was of you two backstage of the 1989 tour; you were sat in Shawn’s lap and he had his hands over yours as he showed you how to play one of his songs on guitar. Taylor had taken that picture, and she was so proud of her matchmaking work. At that point, you and Shawn had been dating for a little under a month. He loved that photo so much that it was still framed on the wall in his house.
One of his favorite photos was of the two of you dressed as Jack and Rose from The Titanic for Halloween, when Shawn managed to come visit you for the holiday while you were away at college. You had both agreed to do a couple’s costume, and the idea of using The Titanic came from a movie marathon the night before. You watched everything from that to Dirty Dancing to Mamma Mia. Shawn felt himself starting to blush thinking back to that night- you two definitely focused more on each other than the actual movies. 
Next, he found a video from your three year anniversary when he surprised you with a candle lit dinner. As if that wasn’t romantic enough, the two of you danced around in the kitchen all night. Shawn had taken a short video of you singing “Let’s Get It On” to him, “C’mon baby, let your love come out, if you believe in love, let’s get it on”. He dropped his video at the end because you pulled him in for a heated kiss, and in that moment he couldn’t care less about his phone. 
His favorite picture of the two of you came up next. It was a simple photograph of Shawn kissing outside of your college townhouse. Sitting on the top step of the stoop, you were looking down at Shawn, who was sitting between your legs. He remembered it was definitely an awkward angle for a kiss, as his head was practically upside down, but that was one of the moments in which wanting to kiss you outweighed all other discomforts. Connor had taken that picture of the two of you, and Shawn kept it as his phone lock screen until you broke up. 
Following a string of goofy selfies taken between you two, Shawn found a video of you. You had secretly recorded it on his phone before he left for tour, knowing that he’d find it under his special photo album.
“Hey, honey,” You smiled into the camera, “If you’ve found this video, that means you’re going through old pictures of us and you’re missing me. I’m missing you too. I don’t know where you’ll be when you see this, but have a great time on tour. I’m sorry I couldn’t join you, just don’t go getting yourself any groupies,” You teased, “I’m counting down the days until I get to see you again. I love you, Shawn.” You blew a kiss into the camera before the video ended.
He let out a shaky breath and set his phone aside. Sniffling, he went and grabbed his guitar, deciding he should probably take some time to work out his feelings, rather than just wallowing in his self-pity.
No matter what melody he attempted to play, he just came back to the chords of “Lover”. Shawn ran a hand through his hair and began to play the song to himself.
“We could light a bunch of candles,
And dance around the kitchen, baby,
Pictures of when we were young would hang on the wall,
We would sit on the stoop,
I’ll sing love songs to you when we’re eighty,
See, I finally got you now, honey, I won’t let you fall,” He paused, realizing the lyrics weren’t the words you had written. Quickly grabbing his notebook, Shawn wrote down the lyrics, wanting to hold onto them in case some opportunity presented itself to use them later on. He continued playing, using your lyrics for inspiration,
“Look in my eyes, they will tell you the truth,
The girl in my story has always been you
I’d go down with the Titanic, it’s true, for you, lover,”
Shawn added the new lyrics into his journal, his fingers tracing the words. He set aside the guitar and journal, knowing it was probably well past time for him to go to sleep. With an early flight tomorrow morning and the alarm clock informing him that it was now 1 AM, he decided it would be a good idea to get some rest. Lying down in bed, Shawn drifted off to sleep with thoughts of you.
~~~
November 2019
Making his way through the busy airport, Shawn was the happiest he had been in a long while. A large smile grew on his face as he saw you waiting for him by the baggage claim. He ran up to you and engulfed you in a large hug. Holding you tightly, he spun you around as you laughed.
“God, I’ve missed you so much.” Shawn said, setting you down and keeping his arms around your waist.
“I’ve missed you too.” You barely managed to get your words out before he kissed you passionately. You let out a small moan and pulled away from the kiss for a moment, “Shawn, paparazzi.”
“I think I’m completely justified in kissing my girlfriend.” He stated, letting go of your hips to hold your hand.
“You are, but I’d rather not give the paparazzi exactly what they want.” You teased.
“Don’t act like you didn’t enjoy it.” Shawn joked with a wink, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek. Soon enough, the bags began to surface from the plane, and Shawn grabbed his luggage, ready to leave the airport. You held tightly onto Shawn’s hand as you left the airport, escorted by Shawn’s small security team through the swarm of paparazzi. 
Once back in the safety of your townhouse, you and Shawn found yourselves cuddling on your bed as Shawn was exhausted from his day of traveling. With your head resting on his chest, you listened to the sound of his heartbeat; his hands trailed up and down your back soothingly. The serene moment was disrupted by Shawn’s phone ringing.
“Needed already?” You teased as he shuffled slightly underneath you to answer his phone.
“They never let me rest.” Shawn joked, answering the call. You shifted to rest your head on his bicep so it’d be easier for him to speak. “Hello?”
“Hey, Shawn,” Your ears perked up from hearing your sister’s voice on the other line. Shawn looked down at you as you raised your eyebrows questioningly at him.
“Taylor, what’s up?” He asked, trying to inconspicuously turn down the volume. You felt his heartbeat speed up and you knew he was trying to hide something about the phone call from you. You couldn’t make out what your sister told him, but he replied back with a few ‘yeah's' and ‘that’d be incredible’. He hung up the phone and peered over at you, as you watched him expectantly.
“So, what did Taylor want?” You questioned.
“We may or may not have made a collaboration.” Shawn replied.
“Really?” You asked.
“Yep.” He nodded, his fingers finding yours. He was nervous about something, which only made you more curious. You were about to press further, when his stomach let out a large growl.
“Have you not eaten at all today or something?”
“I think I had a bagel mid-flight.” Shawn said. You sat up and pulled him up with you.
“You need to eat, come on.” You stated, now distracted by making sure your boyfriend was fed. As you got him together some leftovers for lunch, he began to play music. You let out a laugh as Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On” began to play.
“Remember when I surprised you for our three year?” Shawn asked, his hands on your hips as he swayed softly to the music. He began to press light kisses to your neck.
“Remember how you almost burned your hand with a candle?” You teased.
“Hm, I must’ve blocked that out.” He laughed, giving you a kiss on your lips before going back to focusing on your neck.
“Shawn, why are you being so touchy, right now?” You couldn’t stop yourself from letting out a giggle as his stubble tickled your sensitive neck.
“I just really love you.” He replied.
“I love you too, Shawn.” You lightly pushed him away as the microwave finished. You handed him his plate of food, telling him to eat. He ate the food so quickly, you would have thought that he hadn’t eaten in a week.
“So, what’s this collaboration with Taylor all about? I hope you know that you’re an awful liar.” You said.
“Well, I wanted to surprise you.” Shawn answered, “But I have a feeling you won’t let this drop.” “You know me so well.” You smiled.
“Come here,” Shawn led you to your living room and you sat on the couch while he grabbed one of your guitars. He went into ‘performance mode’, as you liked to call it. He teased, “I’d like to dedicate this next song to my lover.”
You laughed and clapped along in encouragement. You softly smiled as he began to play the beginning of “Lover”. He sang the first verse, and you grew a little confused; he was simply singing your song. As much as you loved it, it felt like a cover. That was until he got to the second verse. You felt overwhelmed with emotions as he adjusted the lyrics to fit with his own memories of your relationship. By the end of the song, you had tears in your eyes, feeling nothing but love for your boyfriend.
“Did you like it?” Shawn asked, putting down the guitar.
“I love it.” You smiled, pulling him in for a kiss. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too. I’m so glad you like it. I was nervous because you already made the song so perfect. I wanted to write you my own love letter through it. You deserve the best, so that’s all I could hope for.” You cut him off with another kiss, effectively stopping his worried rambling.
“That’s the most thoughtful, beautiful thing anyone has ever done for me. And Shawn, you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me too.” It was then that Shawn true happiness, in the arms of you, his lover.
91 notes · View notes
Text
Tumblr media
Shawn needed a breather. He's been traveling the globe the past year, his grand tour claiming his social life and a part of his sanity in the process.
That's why he couldn't believe his eyes on the first look.
Blinking, he drew in a shuddered breath, his right hand coming up to meet his chest as his heart felt a physical pain as it jumped at the very possibility of it being a ghost of his past.
Opening his eyes, he found the view is obscured by his waitress who had so kindly set down his order before him, unaware of his need for clear vision more than his need for food.
Craning his neck, he caught a glimpse of her Y/H/C hair, his heart nearly stopping this time around.
But then she turned around, her angelic features coming to view. No longer was her makeup smudged by her tears - tears she spilled over him - tears that didn't fall, they crashed around him. No longer was she anguished by their relationship, finally having wings to fly.
"No, that's not what I meant! Stop putting words in my mouth!" Shawn shouted, seeing her flinch with the harsh tone he chose to use with her. She had hugged her arms closer to her stomach, seeking comfort in herself as her sobs sounded, but no tears came just yet.
"Doesn't matter anymore, does it?" She hated how her voice trembled and even more how her lips wouldn't stop quivering. She hated vulnerability, even more so, she hated being vulnerable with someone who was clearly out to break her heart.
"You're breaking up with me anyway, right? Because I'm moving for college to Los Angels?" She realized, chuckling dryly as she pulled herself together at the same time her tears began to fall.
"Do you even realize how hypocritical you sound?! You, the very person who travels the world for his job?! You're never fuckijg around when I need you! This wouldn't have made a difference...but the way you're behaving just now...that makes a difference." She huffed, swallowing a threatening sob, refusing to sob any longer.
"You're taking cheap shots at me for following my dreams all while I supported yours. Well, I'm sorry, but not everyone is interested in being a part of the Shawn Mendes show." She spat bitterly, her eyes set aflame with newfound hatred for the man she loves. Had someone asked her, she'd say she could never hate him. Funny how the things we say are impossible always end up true.
"I wasn't going to break up with you, but you've already made that decision, eh? Like you decided everything else. You chose to make me the bad guy without even giving me a chance and that's not on me." Shawn kept his voice cool and steady, diffusing the situation which was spiraling out of control with many different accusations being thrown around so freely.
"But that's the problem with you Shawn." She shook her head. "You think I owe you to get permission to study in my dream school? Like I am supposed to run it by you? It's my life! My dream! Just as you were. But you broke my heart today." She wiped her tears away furiously fast, waiting for a response.
"Hope you find what you're looking for then." Shawn spoke before he turned on his heel, leaving her behind.
It's been almost a year since he left her in tears, since he last spoke to her. And he knew he made a mistake pretty quickly, because she was right. He had no say in where she studies or what. His only option should have been to support her and he failed miserably. He never forgave himself for losing her like that.
But time stood still when his eyes met hers.
She looked straight at him, her smile eclipsed by a sudden frown, her eyes darkening.
Shawn didn't even know why she was in Australia, especially with her fear of tarantulas or any insects for that matter. She always said Australia would be the last place she'd go to, yet she was standing merely ten feet from him and he was smitten...again.
Without a warning, her lips curled into a gentle smile, her body naturally drawn to him as she moved closer, determination sparkling in her eyes.
"Well, if it isn't the ever dashing Mr. Mendes." Her voice is light, playful...not spiteful or venomous as it was the last time he heard it.
"Hi!" He exclaimed, jumping to his feet so fast he nearly tripped and fell on his face.
"Definitely Shawn Mendes. Still a klutz, I see." She giggled, noticing his cheeks darken notably, his shy smile wide but his eyes bore worries and confusion.
"Wanna sit?" She carried the conversation, signaling she definitely didn't want any physical contact from him even though Shawn was debating whether or not to hug her.
"I'm here on an exchange. What's your excuse?" She asked, giving him a cruch to stand on.
"Tour. Almost done now." He smiled, hoping she doesn't pick up on his breathy response or his anxious tapping feet. Which she did, she just didn't want to point it out.
"Are you happy?" Behind her eyes was a door he couldn't open, hidden inside so well he would get lost if he tried to look for it.
"I am." She replied honestly, a smile matching her words as she dropped her gaze for a single moment to look at her screen, noticing the time.
"I should go. My break is almost over, but if you want to talk before moving to the next city, my number is still the same." She placed a hand over his gingerly, pulling it away just as quickly.
"Okay." He managed to say, watching her pick up her stuff before she left him in that booth.
And he wanted to see her again, to talk things through, to apologize. He wanted to hold her like he used to, feel her lips on his, but all he could give her is misery.
She moved on with her life, clearly not holding onto the past. She was the one that got away because he chased her away, but he wasn't her one. And he couldn't do that to his girlfriend either, especially since they were new and just starting out and all in the public eye.
So he closed his eyes, lowering his head as he made the decision.
"I won't let myself hurt her."
He deleted her number, as if he didn't know it by heart...as if his finger didn't hover over her contact for a year now, too afraid to call in case she still hated him.
"Anything else, sir?" The waitress came back, noticing the food is untouched. "Is something wrong with your order?" She inquired as Shawn shook his head, feeling his heart sink.
"Just saw my what if and it robbed me of my appetite."
"You should know that nothing is over until it's over...until someone is dead, they can be reached and things can be fixed." She advised, noticing a weak smile show kn his lips.
"Not this. Not if it means dragging someone you love into something that's bad for them." Shawn shrugged, feeling a hand clasp on his shoulder.
"You must really love that girl."
And he smiled, knowing it's still true. Perhaps it will always be there in his heart, the love he has for her. It's that very love he could never quite put into words even though it's the most real thing he's ever felt, even if he was masterful with words. She couldn't be described with words. He tried.
"You have no idea."
Tags: @accalialionheart @xalayx @peacedolantwins @heyits-claire @ourlittleshawnie @esoltis280 @dolandolll @lanallaa
248 notes · View notes