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#she's gonna go through it in a few weeks
disdaidal · 2 months
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I wanna thank my irl friends who follow me here and also my beloved mutuals as well as followers who still send me kind messages and try to interact with me and my stuff even if I'm bad at doing it myself.
Honestly, things haven't been that great with me lately, so... it means a lot to me. Honestly. <3
#personal#i had to make the tough decision to drop out of school last week#i didn't exactly want it if i'm being completely honest here#but certain stuff was preventing me from getting further so i knew the teachers are gonna ask me to quit over at our teams meeting#i instantly contacted my nurse about my situation. and she got me a doctor's appointment which was yesterday#where i kind of broke down a little. not because she didn't grant me the sick leave i thought i was going to get#after feeling down and sleeping terribly for weeks#but because she actually *got me*. like. she actually listened to me and figured out some stuff and told me that#what i'm going through and what i've been going through for years would make anyone depressed#so i couldn't help but cry a little because yeah. i'm so tired of never being enough no matter how hard i try#because my brain's wired a certain way and it makes me slow and kinda clumsy and inattentive at times#which. you might guess is not ideal at today's work environment. or studying-wise even#so instead of granting me sick leave (she did say we can change that at anytime though) she told me to wait for that phone call#from the unemployment office. which i should be getting tomorrow. or well. later today#and talk to them about this. to see if they can offer some solutions. or if we can figure something out#'cause i'm getting closer to my 40s and not getting anywhere and it's wearing me out and tiring me out#because i clearly can't help myself or change my ways on my own#i managed to get some work last week though. at the local youth house. one shift though but money still#but i haven't been getting those offers a lot during the past few months so it's not enough to support me obviously#so i definitely need something else. and i hope i can get help. that someone could help me#i should finally get tested for adhd next month too. i don't know if i even have it or if it's gonna change anything but#at least i'd know#anyway i needed to get this off my chest. cause i'm kinda crying a little bit even now just thinking about this whole thing#sorry
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front-facing-pokemon · 9 months
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#manectric#i woke up at like noon today y'all i'm queuing this after work. i forgot about it all day and i was about to hop on totk#but i got the reminder to do it. so here i am. with manectric#el woowoo‚ if you will#a lot happened. yesterday. it was not a very good day. which is why i woke up so late. it was a little bit rough. but i guess it's a new day#so. it'll get better. planning on Not Doing Shit today or tomorrow to compensate for all the Bullshit that happened yesterday#hoping you all are doing well. one week from today (friday june sixteenth) i'll be hopping on a flight for the first time in 10 years#looks like according to the queue this will actually go up the day before we leave. so‚ to you guys‚ i'll be heading out tomorrow#which is scary a little bit. last time i flew i had no idea i was autistic‚ but now that i've come up with a lot of better accommodations#for myself and i understand myself a lot better and my needs‚ i'm realizing a lot of my accommodations just aren't gonna make it through TSA#plus it's a lot of unfamilarity with unfamiliar people and an unfamiliar environment which i feel like is gonna lend itself to sensory#overload like Immediately and i'm probably gonna get a headache bc that's how it manifests for me#so when we get there i'm probably gonna have to run to the nearest pharmacy. and grab some shit. which is annoying! so. i'm a little#worried. about the trip. NONE OF HTIS IS ABOUT MANECTRIC SORRY#this is a pokémon i have a hard time caring about outside of its involvement as the leader of the electrike in amp plains#that's about it#any tips from frequent flyers who are autistic would be greatly appreciated. not even just about flying but about like. going to unfamiliar#places on the other end of the country and stuff. i feel like that's what i'm most worried about even though i'm worried abt all of it#also hi i'm writing these tags from day-of. like the actual day this is going to post. me from a week ago sure did know what she was talking#about! anyway. i'm. gonna like. take my meds now goodBye see you all when this Posts in a few hours
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meitantei-lavi · 10 months
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my hair’s final hurrah b4 I lop it all off tomorrow 🏳️‍🌈✌🏻
(he/him)
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selkiecoded · 6 months
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a sumi haircut variation ive been testing out. i wanna say its a bit post-canon, not too far off, maybe a year or so. hasnt quite figured out what to do with herself yet, but shes getting there. only a little ways away from graduation.
#the clock chimes at midnight#selk.art#okay because im going stir crazy in my beautiful mind here. i forgot where everyone in the royal ending went so ive just kinda been doing a#post canon au based entirely arnd sumire and the only person whos really gone is ren. the others are in school and stuff still lol#ANYWAYS she and ren start dating a few weeks before 2/3 and after they restore the world its a very tumultuous start considering ren#immediately gets sent to jail. even after he gets out theyre both grieving akechi + it feels like theyre just going through the motions.#everyones like omg we could tell this was gonna happen! and it makes them uncomfortable for reasons they cant articulate#ren is using sumire to get over akechi + sumire is modeling rens identity + both see akechi in the other and are sad abt it#on top of all that they get into a huge fight when sumire learns rens leaving in like. a month. and she didnt know.#(he genuinely didnt realize she didnt know but gets bitchy in return)#they try to make it work long distance for a month/two but eventually mutually breakup (both a little bitter but agree to remain friends)#overall its a cute relationship with um . very odd undertones.#anyways she still wears her hair straight up or straight down during all that point. HAHAHA remember this is abt hair!#after ren leaves she latches onto ann + ryuji who are still going to school w her. and after the breakup simply bc#ryuji is a Boy and sumire is a Girl and They Enjoy Being Around Each Other they both reflexively think abt getting together#sumire starts to imitate him (bc for some weird reason she keeps wanting to be like boys!) and ryuji is like am i breaking bro code rn..#nothing ever happens bc neither actually wants to date the other and ann is always hanging around but its an odd time for everyone#she bleaches the tips of her hair for a little bit but its so small when she gets it chopped off its like nothing happened lol#this is probably around third year when ann/ryuji have graduated and the only thief around is futaba.#and. please nobody kill me for this. i think the two have interesting thematic similarities but the ship between them has always felt like#pairing the same-age spares to me. and i havent read anything thats convinced me of its full potential yet.#that to say i think theyre friendly but not super close. so sumire has to learn to just. exist by herself for the first time in years.#like i said this is probably when this actual haircut starts getting used. shes figuring it out!#after she graduates shes the first one to find akechi again and theyre both doing a lot better and become very close.#they move in together! platonically! unless...? but thats not the point! akechi helps her realize shes transmasc at which point she gets a#real short haircut. i cant decide. theres one thats like a curly haired bob almost and one thats shorter + looks kinda windswept#and thats all the haircut hcs i have for her postcanon timeline! spreads hands jazz hands. not all the timeline hcs but my thumbs r tired.
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watertankafternoon · 7 months
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I did not expect my cat's surgery to be so hard on me as well
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silhouettecrow · 8 months
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365 Days of Writing Prompts: Day 209
Adjective: Voracious
Noun: Churchyard
Definitions for those who need/want them:
Voracious: wanting or devouring great quantities of food; having a very eager approach to an activity
Churchyard: an enclosed area surrounding a church, especially as used for burials
#so a coworker of mine that ive been having quite a few various issues with the past few months seemingly got fired today#(i cant confirm he was fired but between the phrasing of his departure email and him not putting in a two weeks it seems like he was fired)#and it honestly feels like a massive weight has been lifted off of my chest#(despite knowing we still have a long way to go in terms of inclusivity as a whole organisation but im hopeful to make changes with that)#cos i know that our clients (at least legally) are going to be getting the best help possible between me and our other legal advocate#and im hoping that now that his (honestly) oppressive energy is gone the environment at the office will be much nicer to work in#im just worried about potentially getting overwhelmed or incredibly busy cos ill have to take his existing clients#and any new ones needing help in my specific service areas cos im now the only person serving these areas#but ill handle that if it happens#i just feel like i can breathe and that ill feel a lot more comfortable being myself at work#also our supervisor has been out all week while being on vacation so she is gonna come back on monday to a real big surprise#anyway sorry for the rant#but these prompts are lowkey my diary so kind of not sorry#anyhoo back to our regularly scheduled programming#the prompt gives the feeling of the 'churchyard' (whether the church or the cemetery) pulling people or souls or corpses in to feed on#and for me there is the added theme or element of abuse through the word 'churchyard' reminding me of the song of the same name by aurora#there is just a lot to play around with here#definitely more than there appears to be on the surface#aurora#aurora aksnes#aurora music#infections of a different kind#thanks for reading#writing#writer#creative writing#writing prompt#writeblr#trying to be a writeblr at least
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zoppzoop · 8 months
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Ohh so this is how it feels to be the only one in your group of three not invited to a friends birthday party, who we all know and are kinda close to.... I forgot that feeling as well...... Hmm
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samuraisharkie · 9 months
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tfw all ur mental illnesses and issues collaborate to really make you feel like shit in every possible way
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wow the crushes never end, huh?
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galariangengar · 8 months
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💭
#this girl I was close friends/roommates with during my last year of college just got engaged with her bf of 8 years#while I am happy for both of them… idk I have difficult feelings about her now and don’t see her as a friend anymore#she used to live in the same city as me during the first like year and a half or so of the pandemic#and in that time we got to see/hang out with each other twice#first time we got to catch up for a few hours and we had a good time but it was kinda bittersweet… idk how to describe it#the second time she asked me last minute to accompany her to pick up stuff she got through Facebook marketplace#during one of those two times we hung out/she basically told me to my face that it would be the last time I’d see her#i understood initially cuz she was about to start teaching and she wanted to focus on her relationships with her bf and her family#but not long after she started teaching/she quickly started going out a lot and making new friends#then she moved to another town like 30 ish minutes away cuz her aunt kicked her out in the middle of her first year of teaching#idk I never had a good feeling about things cuz of all of that stuff I stated above#but also since she’s been trying on working to improve her relationship with her mom after everything she’s done to her#cuz we both have shitty moms who’ve said and done shitty things to us and our families#i know it probably won’t happen or won’t happen for like a few years#but in the event she invites me to her wedding/ I’m gonna be deadass with her about how I’ve felt about her#and see if she’s willing to work on improving our friendship before I decide to attend (if she does invite me cuz idk)#oh I also forgot how after she moved after her aunt kicked her out#she had the nerve to randomly ask if I could watch her aunt’s dogs during the week I was starting 3 online summer classes#she didn’t even like say hi/make small talk or ask nicely either#she just straight up was like ‘hey can you watch my aunt’s dogs during (x) week?’#she recently congratulated me when I posted on my Instagram story that I passed my driving text and got me license but I didn’t respond#I just have a lot of difficult feelings about her now/wish I could unfollow her but I don’t wanna start shit & her be all in my face & shit#jazz uses curse! 💜
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scarletcomet · 1 year
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my therapist literally always cancels on me when i need therapy the most
#maybe that's why im at a point where i think therapy is useless (my parents are making me and they pay my tuition)#canceled on my last semester when my friend died by suicide#now when my mental heath has not been great and i've been self harming#still have never processed that first thing as well as my own suicide attempt#so sometimes ill start thinking about that stuff like randomly throughout the day and have thoughts and feelings#i finally opened up to my therapist about sh but now im gonna go week(s) without talking to her when i need it most#like i know she has a life and stuff and it's not her fault lol#anyways im at a point right now where therapy is useless#i've tried multiple different anxiety meds in the last few weeks#and my dr says if this one doesn't work then there's not any other meds#im not suicidal or whatever but sometimes things just feel so hopeless and life feels like never ending torment#it's whatever. i'm fine. i have to be fine#even if i do get through this week then there's just gonna be another and another and another#shut up brain. these are the kinds of thoughts that remind me of when i was really suicidal and bring back bad feelings and memories#why am i like this#im so sick of years of mental illness ruining my life and it's only been like 7 years of this and i have to do like 60 more??#shut up brain#i can't let myself get suicidal. idk why but i just can't#my mood has been ok lately and my anxiety has been the problem so wtf is up with this?#tw self harm#tw: suicide
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venterry · 2 years
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its kind of crazy to think about that two of my neighbors passed because of different accidents within like two weeks and i keep thinking about how i wish i couldve gotten to know them better
with these things theres a moment after where i feel like i need to get more out of my life before it suddenly comes to an end, but i end up so caught up in the stress of school and work and whatever i forget about it until something happens again and i feel like my life is slipping through my fingers
im fine now just honestly sad
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I can and will make everything about being trans
#mud rambles#thinking abt the tags i put in my last reblog#the concept has been heavily on my mind lately as I just started hormones last week#ive already cut off a lot of my family for being transphobic to me (and for being racist but thats beside the point)#but even with the family i do still have in my life. it's gonna be a big adjustment preiod because i Know theyre still pretending im a girl#all to different degrees but thats something you can feel. and also i found out last month that my mother has my deadname as#my contact number in her phone. after she's bragged to me about having told one of the family members I've cut off how ~easy it is~ to#call me by my correct name#so that combined with my incestual abuser having tried to convince me that i shouldn't medically transition because id no longer be#attractive. it's terrifying to me. it's bringing up these feelings I'd pushed away because i think in the back of my mind i never thought#that i would actually get this far despite all the effort and struggle ive been putting into finally getting to this point#im terrified the very few people i have in my life rn arent going to love me anymore#and i KNOW my partner and my remaining friends are going to be here and stay it's so hard to believe it#especially with obviously all the previous shit i mentioned but with having cut off my literal best friend of 7 fucking years not even a#year ago. because they no longer loved me after i fucking stood up for myself. it's hard#it's hard to trust again and to KEEP trusting the people in my life#idk idk like i said this has been hard for me#im genuinely the happiest ive been in my adult life but it's bittersweet because of everything ive been through to get here#ask to tag#oversharing#abuse mention#abuse ment#mm also... replies are okay but please dont reblog just in case bc tags are now public on posts LMAO
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44x16 · 2 years
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so.
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spacialrznd · 2 years
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well i am now in possession of a Creature
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oscophie · 2 years
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Love to always be that person who puts others first and does everything to make plans work and to spend time with people and never getting that energy back <3
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