#she needs to quit this because I'm starting to have a mild gay crisis about my roommate

[wunderscheisse]

Hey there, I liked that post about being bisexual. I'm Bi too and you're totally valid without any experience with a certain gender. Heck it doesn't even have to be 50/50, I lean towards girls but I still like guys. You're cool and you're blog is cool. 👌

Hey, thanks a lot! 

The reason I liked that post too, because I came out bi quite late, sometime after I finished college wich was in 2013…or maybe in 2014, I don’t remember quite well, but I know it took me sometime coming to terms with it - mostly because I was in my late twenties and I wasn’t sure if this was normal to came out this late.

Though, before all that coming out, I had a platonic-like, but also very genuine attraction to one of my girl internet buddies, wich confused me at the beginning and I tried to ignore it; I guess it helped a lot in the forgetting process when I met my current boyfriend. But still, every once in a while, I found myself in a weird loophole, when I saw a girl and I cannot help thinking she’s hot. Of course, in the meantime, I tried to act as straight as possible. I lied about it here, I even refused to draw anything gay/lesbian related (because I didn’t want to come off as someone who fetishize them - granted, shipping is not activism or a measure of how great of an ally you are so this was probably an unnecessaryfear. But still, my mild anxiety comes up with all kind of ways to fuck me up). 

After college, I’ve fallen into my first genuine existential crisis I think. I didn’t know what to do with my life and my plans for the future didn’t turn out the way I wanted them to be…So I had a lot of time thinking about myself and the past. The first thing I noticed, is that how much hate I developed against myself. Then I thought, maybe I should start hating myself less intensively. Stop doing harmful stuff; stuff, that pulled me back to improve. Accepting, that I will continue to make mistakes, but as long as I can be honest about them and try my bests to learn from them, I’ll be probably fine for the most part. Coming out bi to myself was also a step in this process.

As for my boyfriend, I only told him I’m bi a year ago or so; and he was surprisingly cool with it. He even suggested that if I really want to experience what it feels like dating with girls, he don’t mind having an open relationship. (I appreciate that, although, I’m not sure if I can maintain a polyarmorous relationship. At least not right now.)

I know I’m not supposed to talk about my personal life on my blog all the time (I actually don’t bc I want to keep this blog as fun and fanartsy as possible) so I shouldn’t really explain why I wasn’t so vocal about this but…

Partially, I just didn’t want to confuse people - and I think my slight fear from biphobia is still there, especially on an irl level (my family and irl friends still doesn’t know) But now that this ask popped up, I felt like I’m gonna let this out now. Bc idk maybe there’s someone out there with a similar situation and needs validation like I did at that time.

I am myself still have a long way to go about many things, but getting validation about this part of myself is a great feeling.

#very personal #but obv you can read it #I just put it under read more #bc I dont want to bother you with irl bs #if it's not necessary #Question Tiem #gpoy #ellie versus life #the-chaos-controller