#she deserves desserts!! i think she deserves some mochi

[amjustagirl]

Chapters: one. ~ two. ~ three. ~ four. ~ five. ~ six. ~ seven. ~ eight.

Wordcount: 2.7k

Summary: Being with Miya Atsumu is like chasing a storm - equal parts exhilaration and danger. After all, it’s impossible to tame a storm

Masterlist here 

AO3 Link here

Atsumu didn’t get his name on the National team roster, let alone the Olympic team because of his genius setting skills (unlike dear Tobio-kun),  but because of the stubbornness and determination that he has in spades and figures he might as well deploy these same qualities to win this particular match. Osamu is of zero help here, muttering insults under his breath but fortunately, he has an unwitting accomplice in Shino, who happily babbles about how ‘mama is going to bring her to the park on Sunday’ . 

So armed with onigiris pilfered from Osamu and a box of mochi from her favourite dessert shop, he goes a-hunting for his wife and child at the park on Sunday afternoon and finds them lying on a picnic mat in an open field framed with trees.

‘Oto-san! ’ Shino squeals and dashes into his arms. He lifts her up, spinning her in the air, pressing kisses to her chubby cheeks. 

‘What are you doing here, Atsumu?’ she demands as she sits up. ‘How did you even know we’d be here?’ 

He winks and gives her his most dashing smile. It doesn’t seem to work though - the frown on her face deepens, but he tries not to let her look of distrust slice through the smile on his face. 

‘A little princess gave me a hint that her mama still has a habit of going to the park to watch the birds and clouds in the sky. Right, Shino?’

Shino cheers and waves her arms in reply. 

‘Good girl!’ he laughs encouragingly. 

She folds her arms and is about to retort when Shino demands that ‘Oto-san and Oka-san’ try to catch her - and takes off, barefoot on the grass. Atsumu catches her easily with one hand - because of course he does, a three year old is hardly a match against a national athlete, even with an injury, but Shino pouts when she sees the cross look on her mother’s face, and she has to hastily rearrange her expression into something more acceptable to her daughter. 

He counts it as a point won when they share the onigiris and mochi in silence and watch their little girl chase butterflies in the grass. 

‘What on earth are you doing here?!’ she says, feeling as if she’s woken up from a bad dream to find it actually is her reality. 

Atsumu stands in the foyer of her office building, in the middle of a conversation with Yuna-san, the resident office gossip, who shoots daggers at her when he bounds over to greet her with a peck on her cheek. 

‘I thought I’d surprise my dear wife with lunch,’ he drawls, with an emphasis on the word ‘wife’, passing her a bento box that smells amazing and makes her mouth water despite herself.

‘What are you playing at?!’ she hisses while pretending to tuck his hair behind his ear.   

‘Nothing!’ he answers her, a too-innocent look on his face. ‘And you’re welcome. Enjoy your lunch, sweetheart!’ 

He counts another point won when she’s left gaping at him incredulously as he prances off. 

He pats himself on the back for the stroke of genius that prompted him to pass Shino the three tickets to the Osaka Aquarium. Before she could utter even a word, Shino shrieked in excitement at the thought of being able to see her favourite penguins again, so with gritted teeth, she agreed to bring Shino to meet him at the aquarium on a Saturday afternoon. 

‘Did you know seahorses mate for life?’ he remarks to her as Shino gathers with the other children in front to watch the penguins being fed. 

‘And male seahorses are the responsible ones who bear their young - what’s your point anyway?’ she responds, contempt dripping from her voice. ‘Anyway, never mind that -’ she continues, brushing him off. ‘Have you signed the divorce papers?’

‘I forgot,’ he tells her lamely. 

‘See that you remember to pass it to me next time’, she says, walking ahead to scoop Shino up in her arms. 

Point lost. Time to recalibrate. 

‘Atsumu! What the hell am I supposed to do with FIFTY rolls of toilet paper?’ she shrieks over the phone. 

‘I may have bought a little too much…but there was a great discount!’ he responds sheepishly. 

He’d overheard a conversation between her and Osamu yesterday that she needed to make a grocery run but hadn’t had the time to do so in between endless meetings with her boss. He concedes he may have gone a little...overboard.

‘And how many cans of milk powder did you buy?!’ he continues to hear her scrabble through the cardboard crate outside her home. ‘Atsumu!’ 

‘Gotta go, bye darlin’ - talk to you soon!’, he says, hastily ending the call as she screeches at him. 

Shit. Another point lost.  

He brings out the big guns by buying season passes to the museum of natural history, gambling that a blatant appeal to nostalgia might win him some points. But he knows she recognises his gambit when she corners him while Shino is playing with toy fossils in the sandbox. 

‘Atsumu. When are you going to sign the divorce papers?’ she demands, her grip tight on his elbow. 

Defend. Counterattack. 

‘I’ll sign them after my collarbone heals and my arm is out of the sling, alright? I can’t even hold anything in my right hand, let alone sign anything now’, he says with a false smile.

Hold your opponent off until they start to tire. 

‘Fine’, she mutters, shooting him a hard stare. ‘Make sure you do. I’ll be waiting once that sling comes off’. 

Fuck. He’s backed himself into a corner. This might be a harder match than he imagined. 

He offers to look after Shino on a Friday evening when she mentions to Osamu her boss organised a client dinner that she can’t miss. She’d nodded reluctantly after a moment’s hesitation, and they agreed that he’d drop the little girl off at home around ten p.m. 

He fumbles with the keys pilfered from Osamu, pizza box balancing precariously on top of Shino’s pram and after an undignified struggle, manages to squeeze in through the doorway, finding the apartment completely still. With his one good arm, he lifts Shino from the pram, careful not to disturb her slumber and treads softly to her bedroom, pressing a tender kiss to her forehead as he tucks her in. 

As he returns back to the entryway to fold the pram away, a glint of gold catches his eye, and he forgets to breathe when he realises what it is – the wedding ring he'd deliberately left behind, an act calculated to inflict maximum pain. Wow, he really wishes he could go back in time and punch that stupid prick of his past self - he thinks, holding the ring up to the light, failing to spot any flecks of dust or dullness to the sheen of the ring. She's kept it meticulously clean, sitting in the exact same spot he left it, the sole artefact of their marriage that's been preserved against the passage of time. 

After all, he notices that she’s wiped the place clean of him, that much is obvious when he turns to survey the home he left almost a year ago. There are signs of Shino in the toys scattered all over the worn carpet in the living room, colourful scribbles on the walls that probably makes her fret, and there are little touches that remind him of her - the chipped teacup she insists on using, the set of handmade knives displayed in the kitchen that was always intended by her family as a threat. 

But there are no traces of him - no stray pieces of clothes or volleyballs that he always forgets to put away (that she’d always get on his case for), no picture frames of them, not even the ones from their wedding day that he’d loved because he thought she looked like a snow maiden from a fairytale in her white kimono. 

He’d promised her father that day he’d always take care of her. He wonders when he’d forgotten that. 

‘Tsumu?’ he hears her murmur, and he jumps a little in shock because he hadn’t noticed her curled up on the couch. ‘Have you come home?’ 

Yes – he aches to answer, but does not. 

(Because he knows he chose to turn his back on this little apartment, filled to the brim with happy, golden memories. It’s his fault he can’t call this place home, not anymore.)

‘I brought pizza in case you’re hungry’, he does say loudly – carefully keeping his distance as she sits up and shakes the sleep from her eyes. 

‘Oh. It’s you’, she says, and he can hear cold steel return to her voice. ‘Why are you still here?’ 

‘I brought pizza to share. It’s Friday night, remember?’ he answers, plastering a grin on to his face, gesturing at the pizza box on the kitchen table. ‘I even got pepperoni, your favourite’. 

‘You can’t keep playing this game, Atsumu’, she says, walking over to the switches to flick on the lights. It brings her into clearer focus, allowing him to notice the pink scars stretched across the back of her hand and the front of her knees -  were they always there before? 

His eyes sweep over her form - and oh -  his heartbeat thunders, roaring in his chest because she’s wrapped herself in his old jacket - the same one he’d stolen from Osamu and threw over her trembling shoulders that fateful night when he stole a kiss from her for the first time.     

‘I miss you’. He blurts out, startling himself. ‘I want us to be a family again’. 

‘I don’t’, she answers so forcefully it makes him take a step back. ‘I want a divorce, Atsumu’. 

‘But why?’ he persists, ignoring the spike of panic coursing through his blood. ‘If you give me a chance, we could try to start over again.’

‘How many chances do you think you deserve, because you’ve already left me  twice, damn you!’ she shouts, pulling the jacket tighter around herself, as if to keep herself from unravelling apart. ‘The first time you left me when I was pregnant with our child was enough of a blow – but the second time I fell to  pieces and if it weren’t for Shino and ‘Samu, I would’ve never been able to weld myself back together again. And now after all this time, you want me to take you back?’

‘It’s only been a few months’, he pleads, hating how stupid his excuses sound, even in his head. ‘I should've managed it better, I should’ve talked things out with you instead of just leaving, and if I could rewind time and change what I did, I would, but I can’t, and I regretted it so goddamn much when I got to Milan. I’m back now, I’m begging you - please give me another chance.’ 

‘Why would you even think you deserve another chance’, she laughs, the sound fraying at its seams, sending shivers down his spine. ‘You’ve spent our entire marriage putting your dreams first, Shino a distant second, and me - your fucking wife - dead last. This past year has taught me that I don’t need you, ‘Tsumu, I don’t need your lying, cheating ass in my life when I can manage perfectly fine by myself’. 

‘I didn’t cheat on ya’, he defends himself heatedly, but she levels him a hard glare that makes his gaze slide to the ground. ‘I mean - I thought about it, but I couldn’t go through with it’, he admits, guilt flooding his belly. 

‘Is that supposed to make me feel better?’ she says dryly, rolling her eyes. 

‘Yes - no - I don’t know.’, he answers. ‘Look doll - I know I’ve been an asshole, I know I’ve hurt ya badly, but I know you still love me - you know your face gives ya away when you lie’, he adds, when she opens her mouth to contradict him, and she closes it in defeat. ‘Otherwise you won't be wearing my jacket when you sleep, neither would you keep my ring clean. And if ya love me, don’t ya think you should give me another chance?’

Her face twists in anguish, and there’s a rush of shame in his chest that he tells himself to ignore, reaching forward instead to cup her cold face with his hands. She winces at first, almost as if his touch is scalding, white hot with heat, but soon surrenders when she realises his grip on her is unwavering, lifting her gaze to meet his. 

‘You can’t do this to me, ‘Tsumu’, she says, her voice brittle, echoing with an aching sadness that tears a hole into his already gaping heart. 'You can’t leave as and when you feel like it and return when it suits you – that’s not how marriage or fatherhood works. And it’s not fair for you to try to guilt me into taking you back. Why should I give you another chance only to end up being hurt again? I'm only human, and there’s only so much my heart can take'.

It’s only then that it hits him that while she may have transformed herself in his absence into a woman of iron and steel, her heart is still made of glass, and a single careless touch might shatter her into fragments across the floor. And he knows he shouldn’t strike her any further with his words, but he’s a selfish fool of a man - always has been, always will be - so he pretends he does not see her pain  (looks deliberately away from the fissures in her heart that might cause her to fall apart) and continues to press hard. 

‘Please - just trust me enough not to hurt ya, I just need one more chance. Tell me ya still love me - even now.’ 

‘I do, oh gods, I do, ‘Tsumu-  ’ she gasps, almost as if she’s drowning in a whirlpool of his selfishness, her breath tipping over into a broken sob - ‘I love you, but our marriage is over - it was over the minute you put yourself before Shino and I, and left us behind to fend for ourselves.’

He shakes his head, desperately flailing against the death knell in her words - because it can’t be over, he refuses to accept it’s over, what does she mean it’s over - but he stills when she chokes back her tears to smile, lifting her hand to meet his. 

‘I’ve already paid you with my heart, ‘Tsumu - don’t you think I deserve to be free?’

Her words swirl in his mind as he makes his way back to Osamu’s flat. 

‘Things didn’t go so well, I take it?’ Osamu asks as he lurches through the door with overcast eyes. 

He inhales slowly through his nose. ‘Nope’, he admits, exhaling in defeat. ‘She isn’t prepared to take me back.’ 

Osamu pulls out a chair at the kitchen table and waves him to take a seat, sliding a plate of reheated curry rice under his nose when he does. ‘Eat up’, he says, not unkindly, and Atsumu does, even though the smell makes his head spin and every swallow of food lodges itself painfully in his stomach. 

‘Go on, say what’s on yer mind’, Atsumu says, knowing his brother too well to see through his posture of nonchalance. ‘I know you’re gonna tell me ‘ I told you so ’ and mock me with some insult intended to make me feel worse than I already am’. 

‘I’m not going to gloat, if that’s what you mean’, Osamu says mildly. ‘All I can say is that the heart is a funny, fickle thing, and sometimes it hungers for things it knows will only bring pain. But I think ya know you’ve reached a point where you need to consider whether you can live with yourself for constantly causing her pain.’ 

Atsumu stays silent, fingers tracing absently over the outline of the wedding ring in his pocket. He wonders if he’s imagining the coolness from the metal seeping into his skin.

#hq #haikyuu #haikyuu!! #hq writing #haikyuu writing #haikyuucreations #hq imagines #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu angst #miya atsumu x reader #miya atsumu x y/n #miya atsumu #atsumu x reader #atsumu scenarios #miya osamu #inarizaki #haikyuu fluff

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Making cookies at the Nova Aeria Clock Tower

When it comes to being creative with cookies, Addie and Ginger are always up for the challenge! Since rebranding and opening shop at the Nova Aeria, things have been going super well for them. They went from a small cookie stand in their neighborhood to a traveling cart and now they have a full fledged bakery in the city.

Today the bakery was busy because of the monthly cookie contest, which has been a huge hit since it started earlier this year. Like I said, Addie and Ginger like to think outside the box when it comes to unique cookie recipes!

A lot has changed since I last saw them at the camp. At the time they were rebranding, taking time off to reevaluate things after realizing that the direction they were going in wasn't working out. By reinventing themselves and starting over from scratch, they were able to make something that aligned more with their dreams. It wasn't easy, but they took the plunge, knowing when to bail out when they realized that they deserved better.

The Nova Aeria Clock Tower feels like it exists in a space of its own. I don't know, it just gives off this starry, otherworldly vibe. I can also see why Addie felt that this was the perfect place to settle down in. She always has a knack for being intuitive like that. The moment she stepped inside, she knew that it was meant to be. And that's not something Addie says lightly so if she's somewhat certain about anything, we gotta keep that in mind.

For now, it's just Addie and Ginger running the bakery, though now they're in the process of building a team. Bree and Lyn were gonna start training soon but they're needed at the funeral parlor where Lyn's brother Ry works as undertaker turned temporary director.

Bree and Lyn have always been Addie and Ginger's biggest supporters so it was a matter of time before they joined the team. They're creative bakers too - Bree's baking videos are always relaxing to watch and Lyn likes experimenting will all kinds of complicated recipes. Problem is that their families aren't as supportive of their baking aspirations so it's a case of them waiting for the right opportunity to take a plunge and pursue their dreams.

So now they're one step closer! Except they can't quite take the step yet as poor Ry's overwhelmed since the funeral parlor director and consultant are out of commission. Lyn says it's not as bad as it sounds - basically, the director and consultant occasionally work with an adventurer's guild so they sometimes tag along on a mission with their investigator friend. Rarely they both go together and for that particular mission, things went horribly wrong, as Lyn puts it. The director, who Lyn describes as a bit of an eccentric prankster who seems too cheerful despite her family's business, should be out of the hospital tomorrow so she'll probably be back in a week or so. As for the consultant and investigator - an old fashioned gentleman and a headstrong young adventurer - it'll be a while before they're back up on their feet again, but at least they're recovering from their injuries.

Lyn always has stories relating to the funeral parlor - mainly about the director being weird and causing trouble. She seems like an interesting person, someone full of dark humor and can be a bit much, but a nice person overall. Lyn's family and hers go way back, and she has been supportive of Lyn and Bree while Ry seems to be on the fence. The consultant and investigator sound like cool people too - Lyn doesn't know them too well but they've always been nice to him. Bree says the consultant's super knowledgable about a lot of things so he always has a lot of interesting things to say.

The funeral parlor business was never for him so Lyn only really works there if they're short handed. Bree is basically the on call undertaker - probably the only one in the world as far as I know - though she mostly does cleaning and sometimes clerical stuff. To keep things lively, she bakes treats for the staff, which they appreciate, especially the director. She also learned a bunch of new recipes from the consultant, who also taught her a bunch of obscure and valuable baking techniques that most professionals have never heard of.

Since it's the monthly cookie contest, Ry gave Lyn and Bree the day off. So Ginger felt that this was the perfect opportunity to start their training - by being contestants! Normally Bree bakes something at least once a week but since the funeral parlor situation, she hasn't baked in almost a month, which is almost sacrilege to her. Of course, she was totally up for the challenge of coming up with a brand new recipe on the spot.

I was surprised at the turnout of the contest - thirty contestants! The bakery was packed so Addie had to break everyone up in groups. I didn't participate in the contest myself while Fauna and Mira did. Daisy Jane and I were behind the scenes, helping out contestants and cleaning equipment. It was cool seeing the kitchen as well as get some sneak peeks behind upcoming recipes.

It was fun watching everyone come up with all kinds of cookies. Everyone had such a unique spin on their creations so trying over thirty kinds of cookies didn't feel like a hassle. There were sweet cookies, savory cookies, and a lot of in between. Even things that you wouldn't think would go in a cookie came out well. Addie and Ginger sure know how to get everyone creative!

Fauna made a passionfruit matcha mochi cookie that screams tropical vibes. It was a recipe she came up with on the spot so it took a couple trial batches to get things going. The matcha cookie dough texture is like a mix between shortbread and chocolate chip, resulting in a flaky, buttery, and rich flavor. Then she bakes the cookies for a bit while making the passionfruit mochi. Before the cookies finish baking, she tops them off with the mochi, like putting chocolate chips on top, and put it back in the oven for a minute or two. That way, the cookies are crisp on the outside and soft on the inside while the mochi is chewy and flavorful.

Mira came up with colorful chocolate cookies with a black sesame custard filling. They taste as good as they look, especially with the rainbow sprinkles. The cookie is made from a mix of coconut and almond flour, resulting in a nutty flavor that goes really well with the custard and chocolate. The flavor's not overly sweet thanks to the black sesame and a touch of flaky rock salt, which really elevates a dessert. I can totally see this cookie being served at a rainbow themed party for its looks alone.

Lyn went experimental with a super duper chocolate cookie. Basically a super rich brownie in the form of a cookie that's made from three different types of chocolate. To balance out all that chocolate, he topped them off with roasted pecans flavored with lime and chilis. He got the inspiration from hot chocolate with chilis and the flavors go surprisingly well together. I mean, along with the rich chocolate ganache drizzled on top, without the spicy pecans, the chocolate would've been way too much. Only Lyn can pull off something as indulgent as that!

Bree's creation is like a fusion of a focaccia and quiche in the form of a cookie. The dough is similar to focaccia, except with some tweaks here and there to make it more cookie like. The topping is a cream cheese custard with a blend of herbs, an unusual mix of sweet and savory flavors that balance each other super well. How she came up with this idea, I don't know. To add a bit of a personal touch, she decorated the cookies as various constellations. Creativity never ceases to amaze me!

There were so many cookies, more than enough to take home and give to friends. Bree and Lyn plan to stop by the hospital and funeral parlor on the way home to give away some of the sweet treats. I did a little baking myself with Addie and Ginger before they closed up and that was pretty chill. It's so good to see them thriving and I can't wait to come back, especially now that Bree and Lyn will be joining them soon.

While waiting for the cookies to cool, Ginger took us on a tour around the Nova Aeria. At first glance, the clock tower looks like a fancy shopping center. It kinda is but also isn't, if that makes sense. There are shops and cafes but there's also places like an archive building, an observation deck, the clock tower itself, a couple of HQs - it's basically the center of a lot of things. Even those who spend their days at the Nova Aeria for years - generations even - still don't know the full extent of the clock tower and what exactly its purpose is.

Being the curious cat she is, Ginger wants to learn more about the Nova Aeria. Lyn wants to know more about the place as well. Both say the consultant seems to have some knowledge about it so he seems like a good starting point. The director might know something too as her family has connections to the clock tower so that's another thing to look into. Hearing them talk about the clock tower's mysteries has made me curious too.

What stories does the Nova Aeria hold? That's another thing to look forward to on future visits.

#animal crossing #animal crossing pocket camp #Diary of a Junebug #headcanon ramble

[harryspet]

his to keep | j.jk

[WARNINGS] dark jungkook x named oc, toxic/abusive relationship, pregnancy, kidnapping, panic attack, super angsty, jungkook being a piece of crap, basically yandere jungkook

A/N: I just wrote this because I was feeling angsty. I also like to imagine Jungkook as if he wasn’t an adorable human lol. If you are triggered by the things about PLEASE DO NOT READ. Most of my fics are smutty but this one isn’t as much and I still like it. I might be able to do a part two with this one if people like it. 

In which she finds out she’s pregnant and decides it’s time to escape her toxic relationship but Jungkook decides he’ll do everything to keep his family together. 

Please like, reblog and let me know what you think!

word count: 3k

Everyone wished they were her. Even if the world didn’t even know she existed, people all around the world love to have what she had with Jungkook. Not the love they say they have for all their fans but passionate and romantic love. Obsessive love. 

Eun-sun had met Jungkook because of a chance encounter. She worked at the counter of the tattoo shop he randomly stopped by one day. He was with a small group of friends and, dressed down, she didn’t immediately recognize him. It wasn’t until one of his friends had said his name that she realized one of the most famous men in the world was standing in the same room as her. 

She played it cool, of course, or at least she tried to. Her heart pounded as she went to retrieve the artist that they had requested. 

He seemed to single her out though and he only looked at her as his friends flipped through a book of designs. He leaned against the counter and asked her coolly, “You don’t have any tattoos?” It was the summer and her arms were completely bare so he could tell. 

She shook her head, her eyes a bit wide, “Not your thing?” He continued and, for a moment. Eunsun thought he was actually interested in her. 

“The permanence … it kind of scares me,” She admitted, trying not to sound nervous, “I suppose that’s not what you want to hear from a person who works at a place like this.”

Jungkook smiled at that and, like the whole world, she was entranced by it. 

She worked here in order to help out her family who were struggling to make it in the city. They owned a small convenience store where she usually worked later at night. 

“No, you make a good point. There has to be some voice of reason here to keep people from getting stupid tattoos,” Eunsun blushed and one of Jungkook’s friends called for him. 

He smiled at me one more time before walking back over to his friends. 

Eunsun didn’t know it but, in that short moment, Jungkook had decided she was worth it. Worth letting her enter his crazy world. 

She initially said no and that it was a crazy idea for her to come with him around the world. She insisted she’d only be a burden to him and that she had responsibilities back in Korea that she couldn’t leave. He only insisted, deciding to make a deal with her, he’d help out with finances if she agreed to give him company on the road. 

She explained that she wasn’t a prostitute and he only laughed, “Of course you aren’t, just trust me, please.”

And she agreed because he was so damn convincing but she insisted he not give her more than the money she was already earning. Jungkook never told her that he had given her parents way more than that. 

Although he didn’t really present himself to the world as powerful, Jungkook was practically a prince. Every moment of his day was planned and his every wish was granted. It had become normal to him at that point but she noticed the craziness of it all. 

Eun-sun had never been on a plane before but now she was traveling everywhere on a private one. She had to wear a mask constantly and soon learned she wasn’t allowed to walk with Jungkook in public. He introduced her to one of his personal assistants and she was to simply act like she was a part of their entourage. All though she became friends with his assistant, she never really felt like she belonged in his world. 

It wasn’t like he could claim her publicly and she wasn’t his girlfriend anyways. 

When Jungkook wasn’t working, he was with her. They talked so much that some of the makeup artists grew frustrated with her because Jungkook could never sit still anymore. 

She met all the members of the famous boy group and it amazed her how naturally they tried to include her in their family. Some of the boys had their own partners and some didn’t seem like they dated at all. 

Things were exciting constantly and Eun-sun loved the workings of his complicated world but there was a moment where things shifted. 

A panic attack. 

She had never seen someone have one and, honestly, she wasn’t sure what to do when she entered his room one night and found him on the floor trembling. His hand clutched his heart and for a moment she thought he was having a heart attack. She ran to him kneeling beside him, “Jungkook-” He was breathing so hard, hyperventilating. 

“Jungkook, please tell me what’s wrong,” She whispered, her voice shaky. 

He was crying, choking on his own sobs as he started to roughly grab at his hair. She grabbed his hands, pulling them away from his face, “Jungkook, it’s okay, it’s okay, you’re okay,” She spoke calmly, trying to get him to look in her eyes. She was holding back her own tears after seeing him like this, “Breath, breathe.”

He was still crying but his eyes finally met hers, and he started to breathe. It seemed he would lose his progress every now and then as he remembered whatever was freaking him out. As he began breathing again she said, “You’re doing such a good job. You’re so strong. Just breathe, please. Tell me what you need.”

He looked over to a black bag across the room and she understood. She crossed the room and began to look through the bag. She found a prescription bottle and began reading until she realized it was anti-anxiety medicine. 

She emptied the correct amount onto her hand and found a bottle of water in the mini-fridge. She hurried back to him and got him to put the pills into his mouth. She held the water bottle as he began to sip from it. 

He was still shaking and sweating all over but she held him as he started to calm down, “You’re okay, Jungkook. I know it’s scary but it’s just a feeling. You’re doing such a good job,” They sat on the floor in front of his bed and he rested his head on her lap as he tried to control his breathing. 

She ran her fingers through his hair and he finally got some well-deserved sleep. 

When the doctor came in the morning, he refused to let Eun-sun leave despite the advice of his managers. She was already there for him and he didn’t want to hide this from her. The constant pressure of having to do his best to impress his fans had caused the panic attack. Eun-sun was the one who convinced him to sit out for the next two tour dates. 

She slept in his room from that day on and their bond only grew from there. 

+

Eunsun liked baking, she was actually great at it. Jin had even said that he wanted to open a bakery with her one day. Knowing Jin, that could be a very real thing to happen. She enjoyed when they stayed in houses and not hotels because she could utilize the kitchens. 

She had perfected her Japanese mochi ice cream and she was ready to serve it to the boys for their dinner. Most of them were out on the terrace, having finished their dinners, and were sitting around the fire. She was delicately placing the desserts on a plate when she felt someone brush behind her. 

She was about to lean back into the person until she realized it was Minho, their personal trainer, and she immediately blushed and bowed her head in apology, “I’m sorry, I thought you were Jungkook,” she laughed nervously. 

The muscular man only smirked, leaning against the counter with crossed arms, “You’re very smitten with each other, aren’t you?”

“Uhm,” She opened her mouth, trying to find something intelligent to say, “You could say that.” She felt his eyes burning into her and she moved quicker, trying to get the food onto the platter. 

“Wait, did you check with the nutritionist about those? The boys are on strict diets.”

She turned around to face him, her mouth in the form of an ‘o’. “Oh, I didn’t mean to interfere. It’s fine, I can just-”

“I’m kidding,” His lips pulled into a smile, “They eat whatever they want most of the time.”

It seemed he expected her to laugh so that’s what she did, trying not to create an awkward silence. She lifted the platter and said, “Would you like to try one?” He nodded, plucking one off. 

“Eun-sun,” She turned to see Jungkook staring at them from the screen door that led outside. She had never seen that look before, disgust, and it not was not only directed at Minho but at her, “Everyone’s waiting.”

“Sorry,” She apologized though she wasn’t sure what she had done wrong. She didn’t give Minho another glance as she walked towards Jungkook, “I didn’t know everyone was waiting.” 

Jungkook closed the door behind them, that dark look in his eyes. That night, as she shared her treats with all the boys, Jungkook didn’t say a word. She only noticed how his arm was always snaked around her, like he had to be touching her or she might flow away somehow.

He began drinking too, something that often helped with his anxiety. She noticed that he usually just melted into his own world when he was drunk and that’s what happened that night. 

They stayed up talking and laughing until the fire burnt out and they all realized they had a plane to catch in the morning. Eunsun tried to help Jungkook up to his room but he responded harshly to her, “I can do it, I’m not drunk.”

Her lips pressed into a thin line and she tried not to seem hurt. She watched him stumble up the rest of the steps, “Jungkook, I’m gonna get you some water,” He mumbled some curse word and she turned away from him. 

She retrieved a glass for him and returned upstairs to their room. She sat the glass down on his nightstand and turned out the light. Jungkook had already plopped onto the bed tiredly. She went into the bathroom and prepared for bed, putting on a pair of pajamas. He was still wearing his jeans when she walked out of the bathroom, “Don’t you want to change your pants?” She asked as she slipped in the bed. 

He groaned as if she had woken him up, and then he began to undo his belt. She was silent, unsure of what to do because he had never undressed in front of her. She was sure he didn’t care because he was drunk and simply looked away, pulling the comforter over her.

Minutes later, the bed dipped beside her and she felt his body warmth against her. He pressed his front into her back, wrapping his arms around her. He still smelt of soju and it was starting to make her feel nauseous, “Jungkook, go take a shower if you’re going to do that.”

He ignored her and that’s when she felt the soft kisses on her shoulder blade. She flinched, the feeling so foreign, and pretty much nailed him in the nose in the process, “Aigoo,” he cursed, laying back. 

Eun-sun turned quickly, hoping it wasn’t bleeding, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry-” She didn’t have time to worry anymore because he leaned up to kiss her. And she kissed him back. 

He craved more, his fingers beginning to lift the fabric of her nightshirt, “Jungkook . . . you’re drunk and I’ve never even-”

He shushed her, “Let’s make each other feel good, okay? I need that and you’re the only thing that makes me feel happy these days.”

He pressed his lips to hers and, that night, she gave herself to him. 

+

Despite the special night they had, Jungkook was hungover in the morning. They all sat at the breakfast table but Jungkook had his head down. Eunsun tried to encourage him to eat something greasy but he ignored her. 

She was picking at her plate, talking to the boys, when she noticed someone was missing, “Where’s Minho?”

They seemed to go silent at that and all of them looked at Jungkook and then back at me, “I think he’s going home for the rest of the tour,” Namjoon spoke up though he seemed unsure of his words. 

Jungkook lifted his head, grabbing his water, before saying to no one, “I fired him.”

Eunsun stared at him with wide eyes, “What do you mean?”

Jungkook sipped his water, leaning on the table, “I mean that I hope he never works another day in his life.” And the silence in the room was deadly. 

Eunsun gave him an incredulous look but Jungkook didn’t even meet her eyes, “This is because of yesterday?”

“I saw the way he looked at you,” Jungkook sneered, “He should’ve known better, fucking creep.”

“No,” Jungkook snapped his head toward her and she shifted uncomfortably, “Y-You should no better. All he did was talk to me and you’re acting like a child who had his favorite toy stolen.” Eunsun stood suddenly, not wanting to argue anymore in front of everyone. 

She walked away from the dining room, “Eunsun, come back here!” She didn’t and it wasn’t long before she heard glass shattering against the wall. 

+

“Eunsun, please open the door. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for getting so angry.”

“You don’t understand, Eunsun, it’s because I love you. And I’m just stressed from the tour.”

“Please, can we just be alone together and talk?”

“I know it was wrong what I did. You have to forgive me. You have to let me make it up to you . . . I don’t think I’ll make it through this without you”

+

She stayed for happy moments. For getting to watch him perform in front of thousands of people. For seeing him laugh so much in all his American interviews. For the nights spent watching movies. For the photos taken while sightseeing. For the sex when he was sober. For being known as Jungkook’s girl to everyone on the team. 

But it only lasted two months. 

Because of the night he got into a physical altercation with a staff member who had made a snide remark about Eunsun being a whore. The man’s face was unrecognizable after Jungkook released all his anger into him. He defended her but he became a monster when he did. 

He had to be taken to the hospital because of how bad he bruised his knuckles. Eunsun didn’t go with him and he almost started another fight trying to get to her. Luckily, his members convinced him to go without her. She returned to the hotel with a test given to her by one of the makeup artists. 

She took three and each one had those two double lines. 

By the time Jungkook got back to the hotel, she was on a plane back to South Korea. And she and her family had plans to disappear as soon as she landed. 

+

“You always do this. You’re overreacting. Answer your phone. I love you.”

“This isn’t funny. You’re supposed to be my girlfriend. I love you.”

“I’m just trying to protect you, Eunsun. It’s because I love you.”

+  

She didn’t want him, at first. But as her stomach grew rounder and she felt his kick, she fell in love. Even after she first saw him in the hospital and realized how much he looked like Jungkook. 

Her Junghoon.

The small town they moved to had a bakery and Eunsun made her living in the day by making deliveries. She hoped one day they’d consider giving her a spot in the kitchen, even if it was for washing dishes. Her mother stayed home to watch Junghoon and her father worked most nights. 

She returned home one night with a cake to celebrate Junghoon already being five months old, but, as soon as she walked through the door, the cake fell right to the floor. Her mother was standing in the kitchen weeping, one of his bodyguards’ keeping on her, and Jungkook was sitting in the small living room. Junghoon was in his hands being rocked. 

The baby was silent as if he knew who Jungkook was. 

Eunsun stepped into the dim light of the living room and Jungkook looked up at her, “He’s beautiful. He looks just like his Mommy,” Two of his bodyguards were in the small room too. They seemed to have dark intentions just like their boss. 

“Let me hold him,” Eunsun spoke and then a gun cocked. She eyed the bodyguard across the room and there was a gun in his hand. Jungkook raised a hand to the man as if to say calm down. “Jungkook, let me hold him.”

Her lips were trembling now. 

“I was going to let you go. I was. And then I found out you took a pregnancy test the day you left,” She was so close. So close. “I didn’t know until a month ago. You robbed me of knowing I had a son. I didn’t get to name my own sun. Didn’t get to see him take his first breath. And you were okay with that.”

His voice was laced with venom but he didn’t yell, only because his son was in his arms, “Why would I want him raised by a monster?” She spoke through gritted teeth.

“That’s what you think of me?” She nodded and tears began to swell around his eyes, “All I ever did was love you, Eunsun, and I will be in his life. We’re all going to be a family.”

Her heart stopped, “It’s too late for that.”

“If you want your parents alive then you’ll come with me. And you won’t fight it.”

“You sick fuck-”

“You stole Junghoon away from me, it’s only fair,” Jungkook moved closer to her. They were both crying but Jungkook’s were happy tears, “I’m sorry, Eunsun. We start fresh now. We’ll be a family.”

And they’d be as broken as families come. 

+ 

My request are open! This is my first jungkook fic but I few more works so check out my # masterlist :)

#jungkook fic #dark jungkook #jungkook x reader #jungkook x oc #jungkook x you #bts x reader #bts x you #bts #bts jungkook #jeon jeongguk #namjoon #kim seokjin #jimin x reader #jimin #yoongi #yoongi x reader #trigger warning #dark! #dark!jungkook #yandere #angst #jungkook angst

[nomoregoldfish]

Imagine Pacho Sends You as a Gift to (Spy on) Amado 3/3

More smut (but I’m really bad at writing it, :////). Plot twist guaranteed. And I can’t believe I wrote 6K for this, FML. What has Chema done to me? I also made a few changes in the first two parts, read the whole thing on AO3.

You are woken by a phone call in the middle of the night. But you neither move nor open your eyes. You hear some numbers, Amado sounds irritated. It could be something related to tonight's dinner?

Your patience is wore out minutes after minute and Amado still hasn't returned to bed. You make a bold decision to wake up, and the Mexican is smoking by the window. Something keeps him up at night? That doesn't sound like the Lord of the Skies, the man who has had the world at his feet.

"You wanna talk, more sex or a bath?" You carefully propose.

"I was expecting for late night snacks you pull with some Asian witch shit." Amado lets you sit on his lap. "Hang on, I've got some leftovers from the kitchen."

You two settle for sharing the jacarandas mochi from a small food container in the bathtub.

"You like it?" You don't really need validation from Amado. It's just you spent hours coming up with the idea of improvisation, trying to make a traditional Japanese dessert more appealing to the Mexican guests. "I made the bean paste from scratch, less sugar. I understand most Mexicans are not used to sweet bean paste..."

"They don't deserve it." Amado suddenly claims. You don't get it. Who are they? "They are just a bunch of pigs in expensive suits, corrupted, stinky pieces of shit." Then Amado tells you almost everything. He invited the tequila exporters with the hope that the cartel could use their affiliate companies in the States as front to launder more drug money since tequila is one of the largest yet least regulated businesses between the US and Mexico. And the politicians are officials from Mexican Customs Bureau and SHCP.

"Fucking idiots. They thought I was gonna ask them to smuggle coke under the tequila crates. With all the fucking Pier 1 sofa and Ford pasenger seat manufacturers in Juárez, I've had more than enough trucks to move products across the border." When Amado brought up money laundering, the tequila exporters expressed concern regarding possible investigation of tax evasion from ATF, putting more pressure on Amado to increase their cut.

They eventually made a deal less favorable to the cartel and that's why Amado's a bit pissed when he's on the phone.

"Why are you telling me this?" For the first time that night, you ask softly.

"Those cabrón. They don't deserve what you bring to the table. You pour your heart and soul, making the best feast I've ever had. You deserve to know what happened." 

You've never thought you'd hear that from Amado. He didn't have to tell you anything. It makes you lower your guard. You want to get closer to him, without any agenda.

"Does this mean my body won't be put in the trunk of one of your auto collections tomorrow?" You try to lighten it up.

Amado kisses you from behind. The position is awkward but neither of you care. 

Making out with Amado in the bathtub makes the night better than your wettest dream. 

The Mexican's gonna make you cum again with those magician hands of his.

"You...haven't told me if you like the jacarandas mochi." You're so screwed. Maybe you'll never get the answer because Amado's too busy sucking you tits.

Amado clears his schedule the next day. He brings you to the Asian boutique where he bought the Japanese painting.

"One of my guys found this place. I thought you might be interested..." That's cute from a drug lord. But you're not that kind of person.

"A) I don't need a Buddha artifact home to find my inner peace, and B) only Pacho wears shirts with Chinese characters taken from a poem back in the Tang Dynasty. Seriously, he's ridiculous. Come on, let's go."

Instead, you two spend the day trying different Asian food you can find in DF. From hotpot to Peking roasted duck, from pho to char kway teow. Amado seems to enjoy the Chinese food more than others.

"Most Asian restaurants in North America are run by the Chinese, from San Francisco to DF. Since you guys can't tell if an Asian cook is from China, Japan, Vietnam or Thailand, he or she would quickly learn dishes from other Asian countries. We are always the most hardworking people." You explain to him.

"Oh, I love hardworking people." He's so full of shit but you can't help smiling. 

Amado finds a fortune cookie note saying "Happy New Year of Monkey." Then you explain Monkey is one of the Chinese zodiac signs which repeat every 12 years. 

"So 1956...I am a monkey? Cool." He's surprisingly quick with math.

You write the Chinese character of monkey on a napkin and Amado seems fascinated by it. So you suggest that he could get the Chinese character tattooed, "Next time you can show that to Pacho. He probably would get one, too."

Holy shit, he's really doing it. 

The way the tattoo parole Amado brings you to is cleared makes you believe it's part of the cartel business, which makes perfect sense. 

"You don't have any tattoos? Not at all?" You're surprised when the tattoo artist prepares Amado's skin on his forearm, first cleaning then shaving.

"We've fucked three times, once in a bathtub," Amado grins, obviously in a good mood, "Don't you think it's a bit late to ask? Or I fucked you too hard you didn't notice?"

Thank God the tattoo artist doesn't even flinch.

OK, you have to get back at the fucker. So when the tattoo artist asks you for the character to make a design, you write pig in Chinese instead of monkey.

"Hold on, that doesn't look like what you wrote on the napkin. Let me see it." Right after the tattoo artist places an outline of the design on his skin, the Mexican stops him.

You're 100% sure Amado doesn't speak or write Chinese. How the fuck does he figure it out?

"What is it exactly? Tell me the truth or you will have an honest conversation with my brother." Amado makes the threat more scary by pointing at Vicente, who stands next to the door with two guns and a pink lollipop. 

"Wait. He doesn't know shit. It was me...I wrote a different character." Your confession is quick, you don't want to see anyone get hurt over this beef.

You thought it's just a silly prank. Now you realize you're dealing with the most notorious narcos of the country. Amado may look like a businessman, reasonable, even decent. He's still capable of getting violent whenever he thinks it is necessary, to an extent you really don't want to know.

You take a deep breath, then apologize to Amado. You are ready for the consequence. 

"Apology accepted. On one condition, you'll have the exact same tattoo as I do when the new design is done." Fair enough.

But you're a chef who often needs to cook right in front of customers. You can't let them see a tattoo on your forearm. 

"How about here?" The Mexican is touching your breast as if no one's around.

It's a small tattoo, just one character. But it's near your heart and you're sensitive as fuck.

You can't move but your nipples are hard almost through the entire process. Amado's right beside you and he sees everything. Someone please help you ease the pain FFS.

The fucker doesn't act on it until you get into the car. Amado shuts the soundproof panel between the front and rear seats and the next thing you know, you're riding the man who just makes you get a stupid matching tattoo. It fucking stings, and itchy. Yet the pleasure is undeniable when your tits being teased, bit, sucked. Amado carefully avoids the tattoo, which makes you want him to scratch the itch even more. You scream his name when you cum with both extreme pleasure and pain.

Amado puts an arm around you when it's over. Two matching tattoos are right next to one another. Your heart is still beating fast from the afterglow, echoing his pulse.

You feel the caress on your beast, it hurts a bit yet the body warmth is nice. Is it how it feels to be marked by someone else? Not many people will ever see it, plus it's not a specific name or symbol that would embarrass you later. It'd be a secret.

"You know what? You won't be able to find a dead body to stand in for you when you eventually betray me, sweetheart. No one else would get a tattoo like this." 

What Amado just says feels like a kick in the stomach. It's cold and absolutely right. Have you been sloppy? Has Amado figured out something already? "Why would I betray you?" You ask, but he doesn't give an answer.

It's the last day of your stay. You have a very special package delivered from Japan.

You gonna make blowfish sashimi tonight for Amado.

Everyone knows it's toxic so it has to be handled with meticulous care. You make Amado watch every step —  a set of fuguhiki, knives with thin blade is unwrapped, you pick them one by one to gut the fish, remove the deadly liver and ovaries, skin it and cut off its head. Then instead of cutting outward like most people do, you turn a knife to cut inward. 

"Careful! You shouldn't hold knife like that." Amado almost jumps in to help. But you assure him it's OK. Then you show off the technique to cut extremely thin and translucent slices of blowfish.

To make the white meat more attractive, you set the slices in a large plate with red poppy flower pattern. They are so thin, the poppy flower is still visible when all's done.

"An ancient Chinese writer used to say, 'The taste of blowfish is worthy of death.'" You joke when you mix the sauce. "Don't worry. I'm a licensed blowfish-preparation chef."

Amado squints, "So you're testing me."

You want to tell him to just trust you, but you don't know how.

"There's no antidote for the tetrodotoxin. But I'll eat it, too. If it's poisonous, our muscle will be paralyzed bit by bit when we're fully conscious, eventually we won't be able to breathe. We're going to die slowly, painfully and desperately."

You take the first bite, Amado follows.

"Why are you so loyal to him?" Amado breaks the silence, "For one, you don't sleep with him. You obviously are not related. And as far as I know, money can't buy loyalty."

"I'll answer it if you answer my question first." The Mexican agrees. "You didn't want me for me, you barely knew me. You made the decision when Pacho said I was the best, he wouldn't last a week without me. You want him, or something that makes you his equivalent. Except being gay, I don't know. You won't fuck his boys, so I'm the next proxy. Am I correct?"

After a pause, Amado nods. Then it's your turn.

"How many female chefs do you know?" Amado is confused for a few seconds, then he gets it.

"There was no place for you in your line of work, just like there was no place for him in this game controlled by men, men who have multiple wives and fuck whores. He sees himself in you. So he takes you under his wings."

"Yes. Pacho is the only one who's believed me. He's also the biggest shareholder of my first restaurant."

Amado then asks what you gonna tell Pacho when you return. "I'll tell him you give really good heads. Maybe he should try it himself." You wink, "No, I'll let him know you're not a cold-blooded bastard. Even though you sometimes make awful choice by dipping sashimi in guacamole, you're appreciative of other people's work." You really mean it, you like Amado. But you'll probably never know if he buys it or if it matters.

After a while, you finish the whole plate of blowfish sashimi. "Seems we're not dead." Amado's poking your cheek with chopsticks.

"No, we are not."

"Last question, why did Pacho send you?"

"Amado, you would've done the same. You know that."

#narcos #narcos mexico #narcos imagine #amado carrillo fuentes #pacho herrera

[harryandmolly]

Change of Pace - 21 (Summer 2019)

cowritten by @achinglyshawn

summary: Shawn and Maya meet again 10 years after life got in the way of love

warnings: language

wc: 6.7k

------------

Maya is pouting.

She’s been waiting for tonight for over 48 hours. He’s been busy at the shop and she tells herself it’s probably better because if they spend all their time together, they’re going to fall back into their summer lust without any kind of real foundation for a relationship. 

So busy is good. She’s gotten to start work on another piece -- it’s a little darker, a bleak memory of lying tangled in her sheets in Manhattan unable to sleep because she’s been amped up on Adderall all day. It’s cathartic, though. Artistic release at long last.

She stares out her window in her paint shirt and now signature Daisy Dukes, head cocked, squinting out at the thunderstorm rolling in off the sea. She and Shawn were going to the food truck night in the next town over but the fat raindrops plunking on her weatherproofed deck are telling her to make other plans.

She lifts her phone to text him.

Maya: hi :) mother nature has no mercy. Want to come do movies and food at my place? We can watch the storm come in

Shawn: you mean you don’t want to eat street food in the pouring rain with me? :( 

Maya: you mean you don’t want to come snuggle and watch movies with me?

Shawn: i always want to do my two favorite things with you

Shawn: what’re u thinking for food?

Shawn: i can pick up

Maya: sushi pls! That place on great st. with the funny name? They have that mt. fuji roll

Shawn: mt. fuji, extra gyoza, and the fancy tuna sashimi 

Shawn: dessert?

Maya definitely does not even for a second think about texting him “me.”

Maya: I got bored yesterday and walked down to Russell’s Candy Shoppe on main and got cute vintage penny candy

Shawn: you’re sweet

Shawn: but im gonna need more than penny candy to have a proper dessert

Maya: then by all means grab some mochi while you’re there

Shawn: can i tell you a secret?

Maya: always

Shawn: i’m definitely gonna pick up one of those in-house ice cream cakes from the corner market  

Maya moans a little at reading his text.

Maya: omg bring it on, baby

Shawn: i’ll text u when im on my way, sugar

Maya feels better about their plans now. She thinks she likes these better. A crack of thunder sounds distantly as she climbs the stairs. The power flickers when she’s in the shower rinsing off and her heart throbs hard in her chest. Sometimes it occurs to her how alone she is in this house and it gets to her.

She changes into clingy leggings and a cozy-cute hoodie from the Roxy catalog and by the time she gets back downstairs to light some candles, not too many because she doesn’t want to set “a mood,” it’s absolutely pouring. She hurries to find her garage door opener so she can leave it open for him and he doesn’t have to get drenched walking into the house.

Because that would be just an excuse for him to take his clothes off. Which they don’t need right now.

Shawn manages to stay mostly dry on his venture for food and ice cream cake. He’s got his slicker on and an umbrella in the back, but he’s thankful to see Maya’s garage door open when he pulls into her driveway. 

He parks, shedding his raincoat before getting out of the Jeep. He navigates the food from the backseat, giving himself a free hand to knock on the door with. 

He’s still not sure where they stand on him using her spare keys and letting himself in. He thinks he likes it better this way, for now at least. He likes the anticipation. He thinks it makes their time together that much sweeter. 

Maya has her fingers wrapped around a wide-bowled glass of red and it’s halfway to her lips when she hears him knock. She smiles and puts her glass down next to his, already poured, hurrying on her toes to reach him.

“Hey you,” she murmurs, holding the door open for him to walk through. She takes one of the bags of food he’s hauling in. She expects he’ll want to take off his jacket and shoes but she doesn’t want to wait to kiss him just once before they should probably try to keep their hands and lips mostly to themselves.

She leans in and goes for a peck on his lips but when she gets there, she lingers slightly longer than planned. She missed him. 

He almost drops the sushi when Maya kisses him. He’s not expecting it— they’ve been sticking with kisses on the cheek for greetings. It’s safer that way. 

But then he melts. Maya’s lips linger long enough for him to sigh happily against her mouth. His fingers tighten around the plastic bag handles as they begin to slip, and he only pushes back so he can catch the bottom of the bag with his hand. 

He looks from the sushi to Maya, a bit flustered as he catches his breath. 

“Hi,” he says, a grin pulling across his lips. 

“I, uh,” He chuckles to himself, shakes his head. “I missed you.” 

Maya doesn’t mean to knock him off balance but she’s a little pleased that she did. She smiles, giggling under her breath watching him scrabble to catch the sushi before he drops it. He secures his hand under the bag and smiles down at her. 

“I missed you too. I guess that’s obvious by my pouncing on you when you walked in.”

She’s not really shy about it. She wants him to know she’s been thinking about him and that she wanted him to know that as soon as he got here. He deserves to know how badly she wants him.

Shawn grins, shrugging as he brings the sushi to the kitchen counter. 

“Lucky for you, I like being pounced on,” he coos, untying the plastic knot keeping the bag closed.

She scoops up the bag with the ice cream cake and hurries it to her freezer. Despite the storm, it’s still hot out and she doesn’t want it to melt. The broad, long windows on the side of her house show the storm clouds rolling in, dark and threatening. She’s got plates and wine already set up for them and HBO up on the TV.

She looks over at him while they unpack the sushi. “Did you get a lot done at the shop?”

Maya let’s the freezer door bang shut, then helps him unload the wide variety of sushi he couldn’t help but order. He puts away enough himself, and he knows Maya always eats more sushi than she says she will. 

Shawn hums, lifting a shoulder. “I finished a couple orders, but I still haven’t started on that new bass yet. It’s so fuckin’ delicate. I want to have a day I can dedicate to it.” 

Maya nods. She knows the instrument he means, he told her about it while she was sketching him the other day. It sounds like an intricate job. She understands his desire to be as detail-oriented as possible, it’s a quality they share. She smiles a bit sheepishly.

“I guess I can share you with your shop for another day if you need me to.”

Balance is good. Slow is good. 

She smirks at the insane quantity of sushi he ordered, knowing they’ll probably end up eating it all anyway. She piles some segments from a few different rolls on a plate and points to his wine glass with a wink while strolling barefoot toward her couch to eat.

“That’s for you, hun.”

Shawn looks up at the sound of her voice, sees her pointed finger and follows it to the full glass of wine she poured when he didn’t notice. He smiles and lifts his sushi-filled plate in one hand, reaching for the wine with the other. 

“You know how to treat a guy right, don’t you?” 

He follows her to the couch, toeing off his shoes so her can settle in as comfortably as Maya does. He leans back, kicks his legs up onto the coffee table. 

“So,” he asks through a mouthful of rice, “What are we watching?” 

Shawn plops himself down next to her in a way that says her house feels at least a little like his home, too. She adjusts her position next to him, swinging her legs up to fold beside her, leaning in up against his arm while she drops a sashimi piece in her mouth. She purrs at the taste of the fresh fish.

“I narrowed it down to,” she begins, swallowing her own bite, “‘We’re the Millers’ or ‘When Harry Met Sally.’ Food picker-upper’s choice.”

It was an old tradition of theirs -- whoever brought over food could pick the movie. They almost always agreed on stuff to watch, though.

Like a snake, Shawn unhinges his jaw around a plump piece of sushi, nodding and humming as he considers the options she gives him. He hasn’t seen the former, and he’s seen the later more times than he should probably admit. 

He looks at Maya, watches the way her cheeks bulge as she pops pieces of sushi into her mouth. His lips twitch. She looks like a chipmunk, a little, her nose twitching as she chews. 

Maya glances out the windows when another loud crack sounds closer to the house. The rain pounds harder against the windows.

“Gonna have good waves tomorrow,” she murmurs, handing him the remote, reaching for another bite of sushi.

He takes the remote, deciding he’s in the mood for something new and selects We’re the Millers. Presses play and sips his wine.

“Wanna have a beach day? Or well. Half day? I should go into the shop but I can hang out in the morning.” 

Maya watches Jason Sudeikis start to round up his band of misfits, enjoying the light comedy amidst the raging storm outside. She pops another bite of sushi in her mouth and follows it with a sip of wine.

“I’d love that,” she says, eyeing him from the side, “But if you have to spend the day at the studio, I can deal.”

She smiles supportively despite how badly she wants to take him up on the offer.

Shawn nods as he chews on a piece of tuna. He knows they’re both trying to navigate between wanting to be together all the time and giving each other space. 

But they haven’t gone to the beach together since starting this take-it-slow dating thing, so he thinks a half day wouldn’t be too much. 

“I can spare a half day to have some fun in the sun with you,” he says with a grin, reaching over with his chopsticks to steal a piece of gyoza from her plate, since he forgot to take some for himself. 

Maya smacks at his chopsticks to sabotage him when he steals from her plate but the dumpling is in his mouth before she can protest.

“Rude,” she mumbles, elbowing him teasingly and scooting just a touch closer.

He’s warm and firm and smells a little woody. She doesn’t make a show of snuggling up to him, but she does unfold her legs and cross them next to his noticeably.

Shawn feels Maya shift closer, so he settles back into the couch and angles himself towards her. Luckily, she sits to his left, so he can casually drape his arm along the back of the couch, behind her shoulders, while still pinching sushi between his soy sauce-stained chopsticks. 

Maya snorts a little at the TV and covers her mouth. This movie is so fucking funny -- she forgot how funny. It’s nice just to laugh with him and feel no pressure at all. The storm rages on around them. She absently hopes her studio isn’t leaking from the roof again, but she covered her pieces with dropcloths just in case.

“Jennifer Aniston is so hot,” Maya comments through a mouthful of salmon.

Shawn pauses, mid-pinch. He looks at Maya, watches her stare at Jennifer Aniston. He grins. 

“I’ve always had the worst crush on her. Did I ever tell you that?” 

He thinks he used to pretend not to have celebrity crushes because it made him lame or something. Or because he didn’t want Maya thinking he was a gross jerk, or something. Or probably because he didn’t want to say anything to make Maya think he wasn’t completely gone for her. 

Probably a combo of all three. The reasons feel silly now. 

Maya chuckles and leans into his arm a little, welcoming him to stay close to her. She shakes her head and daubs some wasabi on a firecracker roll for an extra punch. She shrugs.

“No, but it doesn’t shock me. All straight guys are obsessed with her. Understandably.”

Now that she’s thinking about it, she doesn’t really know who his celebrity crushes are. They never used to talk about that stuff, like they were afraid to acknowledge that they’d ever found anyone else attractive.

She angles herself toward him and quirks an eyebrow. “Who else, then? Spill the tea. Or whatever kids say now.”

Shawn’s got a mouthful of tuna and feeling cornered by the question. He chews and swallows and looks down at his plate as his shoulders lift in a small shrug. 

“I dunno,” he laughs. He actually hasn’t thought about a celebrity crush in years. He’s been focused on work, and the only woman he ever thought about was Maya, when he was feeling self-indulgent enough to let himself. 

He chews through a piece of salmon, glancing at her.

“Okay, actually. I do know,” he sighs, shaking his head and looking back to the TV. He smiles. “Amy Adams. Especially as Lois Lane.”

Maya laughs, delighted. “Of course! She’s totally got that wholesome-hot thing going on. That makes a lot of sense for you, actually.”

Maya glances out the window, considering it. She doesn’t, naturally, love the vision of Shawn and Amy Adams but she can see they’d look good together. Of course they would.

She hums low in her throat and bites down on her last piece of sushi, a slice of perfect toro sashimi.

“Amy Adams is gorgeous,” she admits. She’s gorgeous in a very different way than Maya is. She knows that. She thinks given the choice, Shawn would probably still choose Maya. That makes her smile.

“I think my number one celebrity crush is Mila Kunis, which is the most frat-bro answer ever.”

Shawn laughs. Everyone loves Mila Kunis, so he’s not surprised, just like she wasn’t surprised about Aniston. 

He picks up another piece of sushi, swishing it around in the soy sauce on his plate. He shrugs, “Yeah, probably, but the frat-bros aren’t wrong when it comes to her. So it’s okay.” 

He pops the whole piece in his mouth, chewing greedily as he tries not to think about Maya and Mila Kunis making out. He doesn’t need to go there, not if they’re gonna keep this night PG-13.

She knew Shawn would agree about Mila. Every straight man in North America agrees about Mila. She likes that they’re talking about this kind of stuff now and not hiding it away because they’re worried about getting uncomfortable. She doesn’t even mind that they share celebrity crushes. Crushes are fun.

“Can I tell you something, though?” 

She puts her plate back on the coffee table and leans back against the warmth of his arm around the back of her couch.

She smiles up at him. “Always.”

Shawn follows Maya’s lead, lifting his plate from his lap to set it on the table. He wipes his sticky fingers on his napkin and tosses it onto the plates with the rest of their debris. When they’re both settled again, his arm casually on the back of the sofa once more, Shawn finds the words for his admission. 

“I always, like, had celebrity crushes, I guess, but. I don’t know. I never crushed on anyone as hard as I crushed on you. I only really went to that art show in college because I knew you were going to be showing pieces and I wanted to see them, and see if I could catch a glimpse of you, too.” 

He’s never admitted that to her. He always felt weird about it, before. Now it feels silly. He was a boy with a crush, not some creep. Well, he hopes Maya sees it that way, at least. He glances at her, lips pressed together as his heart rattles in a cage. 

What a reckless thing to admit. Oh, well. He wanted her to know. He thinks she deserves the truth. 

Maya doesn’t mean to laugh, exactly. She’s not laughing at him. She’s laughing because she’d never guess that hearing something like this from him now would have her quite so smitten and bashful. It’s 15 years ago, this night he’s talking about. And he makes it sound like it was last week.

“God, I love that. I… thank you for telling me that. That’s…”

She trails off, going very pink and giggly. She’s acting more juvenile now than she did that night she met him when they were both just kids. She remembers how sweet and vulnerable he seemed then, hands in his pockets, gazing up at her pieces that she kind of hated like they were worth a fortune to him.

He doesn’t expect her to laugh. He partly expected her to be weirded out, partly expected her to maybe find it sweet. He didn’t think what he said was very funny, though. 

Shawn raises his brows. 

“You, ah, you’re welcome,” he replies, corner of his lips twitching with the urge to smile, because her laughter is infectious.

Her laughter peters out, and then she looks at him in a way he feels like she hasn’t before. Well, maybe since college. It’s a look that sears him from the inside out, had his breath catching in his throat.

She swallows. It was so long ago. But when she looks up at him now, he looks just the same, sweet and vulnerable as ever, undeterred by being unlucky in love.

She thinks his luck is changing. 

Slowly, carefully so he can stop her if he wants, she tucks a hand around the back of his neck and guides his lips to hers for a deep, perfect kiss.

Shawn goes easily when Maya pulls him close, her lips moulding to his in a way that has his heart hammering. He groans, reaching around to cup her face, tilting her head back to sweeten the kiss. 

Maya’s trying not to think about the fact that this kiss is maybe the longest they’ve shared since they rebooted their relationship. She doesn’t want to get clammy and anxious, she doesn’t want to overthink this. She wants to relax. 

Maya murmurs gently into his mouth when he holds her cheek. She lets her weight settle back, necessitating the need for him to come forward to meet her. 

She doesn’t know how long she’s going to get to keep him like this. She gently swipes her tongue into his mouth, tickling her fingers up the nape of his neck to twist and pluck at the tiny curls there that she’s missed.��

Shawn aches from the tenderness of the kiss, from the way she melts into the couch and coaxes him with her. He leans on to his hip, falling after her, his arm slipping down around her shoulders. 

Her fingers in his hair sends shivers down his spine, and he accepts her tongue eagerly with a gentle hum.

Shawn slides his hand from her cheek to the back of her neck, fingers weaving through her dark, silken curls. He breaks the kiss only to dive in again, this time sucking lazily at her lip, though lightly enough to stay away from anything too tempting.

God, he feels so fucking good. 

He purrs into her mouth and it’s gorgeous. It eggs her on. When he parts from her to suck at her lip, she whimpers and pulls her other hand up to his chest to feel him breathe. 

He feels so sturdy and stable. She wants to just hang on him by her fingers in his hair until their limbs fall asleep. She moves her hand up a little higher to massage the back of his neck as he leans over her. 

The thunder remains loud. In fact, if Maya were paying attention, she’d notice it’s the loudest it’s been. But she’s not. She’s consumed by him. 

Shawn doesn’t think they’ve ever kissed like this before. He keeps thinking that lately, that all the kisses they’ve shared in the last couple weeks are different. This is the closest to making out they’ve gotten, and it’s nothing like how they would make out in the beginning of the summer. Or when they were in college. 

She’s tender but eager, pliable but steady. She kisses him like maybe she really could fall in love with him again, and not like she’s just throwing caution to the wind for nostalgia’s sake. She’s making his stomach twist with fucking butterflies. 

She hums into his mouth this time, pulling away just slightly, “This is ok, right? This is fine?”

His lips fall to her jaw when she pulls back without warning. His eyes open, brows raising as he leans away to get a proper look at her. Her cheeks are flushed, lips swollen from his ministrations, but he notes a worried gleam in her eye like she thinks he really might say it’s not okay. 

“Yeah,” he rasps, maybe too eagerly, “Yes. It-- I mean, it’s totally okay with me, if it’s okay with you. Is it? Okay with you? Cause we can do something else. Anything you want.” 

Maya smiles, her eyes drifting shut. She lifts her hand from his chest to cup his cheek and exhales a little chuckle.

“Yeah. I’m-- Yeah. I missed this. I just don’t want to move too fast. I just…”

She pecks her lips to his quickly, as if to tide her over. “I don’t know how fast is too fast and how slow is too slow.”

She swallows and looks up into his beautiful brown eyes. She brushes her nose against his and continues her fingers’ calming motion through his hair.

It feels impossibly cheesy to think, but Shawn’s sure he could look into Maya’s eyes. Especially when she looks at him like that. He’s lost in that look, and in the rhythmic stroking of her fingers in his hair like he loves so much. 

His hand finds her cheek once more. He shakes his head.

“I don’t either, sugar,” he murmurs, thumb brushing across her round, pink cheek, “It’s not— well, this isn’t something I’m used to navigating. But what I do know is, I really, really enjoy kissing you.” 

He smiles, his lips brushing against hers as her does. 

Maya’s lips spark as his skim across hers. She inhales and lets herself have him, just a little more of him. She lifts her hand up higher in his hair and secures it, fingers vined in his curls, wrapping the other arm around his shoulders. 

“Then let’s keep doing that.”

“Yeah, let’s keep--”

Maya’s lips are on Shawn’s before he can finish his eager agreement. She pulls him in with small palms against broad shoulders, has him sinking further until he’s nearly pressed on top of her. 

She’s not sure where to put her hands so she keeps them confined mostly to his neck and shoulders. She gets just a little daring when she seeks out the hot skin just under the collar of his T-shirt with her sneaky fingertips. She feels under control, though. And it’s not even a little boring. 

He behaves himself, keeps an arm curled safely around her shoulders while his hand rests on her hip, high enough to remain innocent. He finds himself sucking on her lip once more, flicking it gently with his tongue before getting it between his teeth. He’s delicate with all of it, less insistent or voraciously desperate than he was only a few weeks ago. 

He finds, really, that he enjoys this much better. This is how they should’ve been kissing all along. 

Maya’s fingers find his skin and send a shiver down his spine, have his fingers curling into her hip. She leaves soft, subtle strokes along the base of his neck that shouldn’t send him reeling nearly as much as they are. He groans into her mouth, then moves his hand on her shoulder to the back of her head. He cradles her carefully while he rolls off of his hip, sitting back and pulling Maya with him. 

He goes until he’s lying on the couch, Maya relaxed on top of him as they continue to kiss lazily, as if they’ve suddenly got all the time they never had before.

Maya thinks this feels more like exploration than anything they’ve ever done together, maybe even dating back to when they first got together in college. Even then, everything was frantic, hurried, desperate. This is different.

As he teases her lips and tugs her on top of him when he lies down, Maya starts to wonder if they’ve ever just… made out. I mean, of course they have, but have they ever made out just to make out, and not because they didn’t have time to have sex? If they have, Maya doesn’t remember. Maybe they’ve always been a little bit desperate.

Maya shifts on top of him, getting comfortable. She props herself up on her forearm and lets one of her legs slot between his without getting too suggestive. She pulls up from the depth of the kiss a little, brushing the tip of her nose against his. She pecks little soft kisses on his top lip, then the bottom one, then his nose.

“This is nice,” she whispers, kissing his cheeks next.

Maya eases into him so well. She practically melts on top of him, sighing into his mouth as his hands glide up the length of her back until he reaches her shoulder blades.

Shawn smiles as she drops quick kisses to his lips. He tries to catch her with a kiss of his own, but she moves to his nose, then his cheek. 

He smirks into the soft angle of her jaw, his nose brushing against her cheek as he nods. 

“This is really nice, Lu,” he murmurs, pressing his lips to the soft skin just beneath her ear. He trails to her jaw, where he idles, humming at presses kiss after gentle kiss to her skin.

His lips trail off after hers do. They make her smile and shiver a little. She hugs him closer, lifting her fingers through his hair like she used to when he couldn’t fall asleep. She closes her eyes and lets herself wonder if it’ll be like this for them for a while. Or forever.

Maya hears her throat clear. She doesn’t study whether or not asking him this while they’re in this position might be a bit tactless. She just wants to feel like she can always ask him anything.

She pulls up, disconnecting, rather reluctantly, his lips from her smooth jaw. She swallows and cups his cheek, brushing her thumb along the underside of his beautifully defined cheekbone.

He’s distracted with the sweet taste of her skin when she pulls away from him. He blinks his eyes open, smiling slightly as she strokes his cheek.

“I have to ask,” she says, voice wavering, “With Leah… when you married her, did you think it was going to be forever?”

Shawn’s brows raise. That’s not anything he was expecting her to ask. 

He’s not sure how to answer. 

“Ah—“ he wets his lips, looking down between them. He takes a breath in, looks back up at her. “I wanted it to be. I told myself I would make it last. But, uh, I don’t—“ he smiles, closes his eyes and shakes his head, “I don’t think I ever really felt it in my gut.” 

Maya nods thoughtfully and looks down at her fingers brushing against the freckles on his neck. 

“I guess I was hoping you’d say that,” she confesses, “Not because… I mean, obviously I want you to be happy, but if you were happy with her you wouldn’t be here, so…”

She closes her eyes and shakes her head. She’s getting tangled up. She blinks a few times and starts again. 

“I just mean that everyone always says you just... know. And I’ve never understood it. I don’t think you can understand unless you feel it. If you say you didn’t truly feel like it was forever, I think maybe that gives me some weird hope that the knowing thing, it’s real.”

She hopes it’s ok she’s blabbering about this. She feels like it’s a touchy subject to bring up, not just because of Leah, but because they’re supposed to be taking it slow. 

Shawn can’t control the adoring smile that splits his lips as Maya babbles. He doesn’t think he’s ever heard her ramble like this, like she’s nervous to be honest with him. Even when she told him she’d been lying about New York, she was clear and concise. 

He doesn’t mind when she gets flustered. He likes thinking that maybe he makes her as nervous as she makes him. 

The way he smiles at her assures her she wasn’t out of line, she wasn’t even really ruining the mood. He smiles like he knows something she doesn’t. It’s not infuriating the way that it was at work when the guys on her team thought they were smarter than she was. He smiles like he’s been there and he wants to help her through it.

Carefully, Shawn slides his hand from her shoulder blade to the back of her head, fingers curling in her hair. He nudges her nose with his, dropping a soft kiss to her lips as her babbling dies down. 

“The knowing thing is definitely real. I promise.” 

Maya’s breath hitches. As he pulls back to speak, her lips follow his. She bites down on her lower lip to keep herself from muffling his words in her mouth.

He’s not sure he’s allowed to say, Because I know with you, yet. They’re trying to go slow not only physically, but emotionally too. He can’t help his gut, though. She’s always had a hold on his heart in a way no one else has ever managed. He couldn’t change it even if he wanted to. 

(He knows. He tried. It ended in divorce.) 

Her stomach completely flips. On some level, she knew. She knows he loves her. He’s always been the one that was sure. Even now, after everything, he still knows. It makes her want to squeal and throw herself into him and never let him leave, not that he wants to.

As she looks down at him, she feels safe. That much is certain. She doesn’t feel a rush to get to where he is now. She’ll know when she knows. She believes him.

Shawn’s answer seems to placate Maya, who bites her lip and looks down at him like she couldn’t be happier with what he’s said. He tucks a few loose strands of hair behind her ear, fingertips brushing gently over the shell.

She dips her head and kisses him again, settling back into his body as the storm starts to pass. The rain is getting lighter, the thunder quieter. Soon it’ll just be silent around them.

Then, she kisses him. It’s firm, but sweet, and feels like she’s trying to tell him she’s gonna love him back one day, just as much as he loves her. He hums into her mouth, his fingertips still toying lightly with her ear and massaging her scalp. 

He lets her kiss him for a few seconds and she thinks maybe he’s going to let her stay there lavishing him with kisses as long as her heart desires. Needless to say, they’d end up being there a while.

His gentleness is so comforting she feels like she could fall asleep just lying here, kissing him. She doesn’t want to.

He pulls away after a moment, not because he wants to, but because now he’s got a question for her, and he’s not sure he’ll find a better time to bring it up. 

He kisses her cheek, then the angle of her jaw. 

“Can I ask you something now?” he murmurs, nosing her temple softly.

He shifts back and it’s probably for the best because her eyelids are fluttering and she’s so lost in him she almost can’t find her way back.

She nods at his prompt, tracing her fingertips along the contours of his throat.

Her fingers find his neck, and Shawn’s eyes fall shut. He lets himself revel in it for a moment, in the way she touches him so lovingly. His heart hammers, stomach twisting, and now he’s all the more nervous to ask his question. 

He takes his time asking and she can’t pretend it doesn’t make her more anxious. It’s good, she has to remind herself, the openness feels hard right now but it’s just because you’re not good at it yet.

He wets his lips, finally blinking to look at her again. 

Shawn smiles, brings his palm to her cheek. 

He swallows, takes a breath. “Is it okay that I know because of you?” 

He figures she already knows. But there’s a difference between an unspoken truth and a spoken one. He wants to be sure she knows what he means. He feels like he’s been transparent with the way he feels about her, too much so in the months before now. But he wants her to know it wasn’t all just nostalgia and longing for a comfort he once knew. 

Maya stares down at him in wonder. He’s saying what he thinks she’s saying. He’s not dancing around it, he’s not being coy, he’s telling her he loves her and he’s going to forever. Her breath comes short in her chest. She closes her eyes and exhales through her nose nice and slow.

“God, yes. That’s… more than ok. That’s amazing.”

Amazing. 

Amazing is his new favorite word. It’s amazing, she thinks, that he’s in love with her. She thinks the way he feels about her is amazing. 

He thinks she’s amazing. 

She kisses him again, just quickly, because she’s not done yammering.

“Because if you know that means I’ll know, too. When… it’s time.”

Now she is being somewhat coy, but she knows he knows what she means.

He smiles into her kiss, too busy thinking about the way she purred when she said amazing. 

As always, however, Maya manages to grab his attention. He lifts his brows, taking a slow, calming breath through his nose. His tongue darts out, wetting his lower lip. 

“You-- ah-- You mean because of me, right? I mean, I guess that’s what you probably mean but I just wanna--, you know, for the, uh, the sake of clarity, eh?” 

Maya’s nose twitches as she tries to tamp down a ridiculous smile. She feels a little more empowered now to skip right past coy. She pecks his lips again, pulling up to press her forehead to his.

“For the sake of clarity,” she begins teasingly, “I mean that if you really know that this is it for you, that you want me forever, then I trust your judgment. And I believe I can get to a place where I know, completely certainly, that this is it for me.”

It’s the best she can do for now. It’s honest. It’s not overreaching or underselling. It’s exactly how she feels. And it feels good to be that candid. 

Shawn swallows, arms dropping to her waist when she gets close, murmuring low. 

She gives him the closest thing to I love you he can think of. Closer than he ever thought he’d get so soon after— well, after screwing up and fighting and rebooting the entire thing. 

But it’s not a total reboot, because there’s history between them. They’re just not so afraid of it, anymore. 

He smiles, then catches her lips in a gentle kiss, because she’s there, and one day she’s gonna be in love with him again. 

Small victories, right?

“Just, take your time, okay? We have so much time. I’m really— I’m looking forward to it. To the journey, or whatever,” his voice rasps and he rolls his eyes at himself at the end, but he means it. 

He thinks, maybe, he’s ready for the real kind of relationship he never was before. 

Maya tips her forehead back against his when he rolls his eyes. She closes hers and strokes the pad of her thumb down his throat.

She doesn’t think she’ll need much time. Falling in love with him again seems a foregone conclusion. She appreciates more than she can say that he’s being so patient with her. It’s one thing to hold off on having sex for a while but to give her the space to come to her own conclusions about their relationship, it takes a lot of strength, maturity and confidence.

So how could she not be in love with him?

The truth is, it’s not about him, the reason she can’t fall into this with him now. Maya has been a shell for 12 years, by choice. She feels like she’s still learning to live again and not just exist. Letting Shawn in all at once will fill the holes in her that she hasn’t spackled yet, but she won’t be whole. She has to spend time with herself, learn to be and love herself again before she can love him the way he deserves to be loved.

After a few pleasantly, comfortably silent moments, Maya tilts her head and drops her lips onto his once more. She sweeps falling hair up behind her ear and leans into it.

“Thank you,” she murmurs sincerely into his mouth.

He kisses the thanks from her lips, humming softly as he cups the back of her head and strokes his fingers lovingly through her hair. He pulls back after a minute, when he feels his stomach growl to remind him of the ice cream cake in the freezer. 

“Mmm,” he hums, fingers finding her chin so he can tilt her head back, “You know how you can really thank me, Lemon?”

He smiles, then sinks his teeth into his lower lip to feign coy innocence as he tilts his head at her, as if his request is something she’ll need convincing to do. 

Maya’s heart reaches up into her throat. She squirms on top of him slightly. His fingers feel almost too hot on her skin. Watching him bite into his lip has her almost panting on top of him.

“What…. Uhm, how?” she stutters.

A slow, cheshire cat grin splits Shawn’s lips. He reaches for the disobedient strand of hair that keeps falling in Maya’s face, tucks it behind her ear while his thumb grazes her jaw. 

“You can help me eat the ice cream cake in the freezer that’s calling my name.” 

He raises his brows, eyes crinkling at the corners as if to ‘Gotchya!’ 

Maya’s face goes a little red and she rolls her eyes, burying her bashful face into his neck while she laughs.

“You’re such an idiot,” she groans, kissing along his throat while she hauls herself up on her hands over him. Reluctantly, she peels off the warmth of his body and helps him off the couch, keeping their fingers tangled on the way to the freezer. She swings his arms around her waist and hobbles them both over.

They sit at her bar with pieces of cake. They talk about nothing and everything. They don’t go back to the couch. She walks him out a couple hours later when they’re both nearly half asleep. She kisses him goodnight. He calls her ‘sugar.’ She’s so happy.

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[ichigo-daifuku]

Crossroads

SLBP Fanfiction [Read on AO3]

Sakakibara Yasumasa/MC

The fleeting companionship of the Divine General and the kitchen wench who both fell like leaves in autumn.

Mature | Mild Sexual Content

This oneshot is set after certain events of Ieyasu's Act 1(!!!), but for the sake of the plot, this MC is not Ieyasu's MC. Think of it as an AU of a sort. ʕ•̀ω•́ʔ✧

Word Count: ~5.1k

Part 3 of 春夏秋冬 | Shunkashūtō

落葉 | Rakuyou

Fallen leaves.

Beneath the glow of the waxing moon, a man and a woman sat in front of each other.

Pampas grass decorated the entrance of a bustling teahouse in Mikawa. The leaves of deciduous trees had begun to metamorphose into warmer colors, the slight chill in the night air welcoming the customers for dinner. In a far corner table hidden from prying eyes, Yasumasa had a row of chestnut manju on a ceramic plate while his companion, a woman with long dark hair, had seasonal daifuku shaped like rabbits on hers. He was quite fond of this particular teahouse; everything they served him suited his picky palate, although if he were to be asked, he would not answer with those exact words. As he took a bite of the sweet treat, a glance across the table made him aware of the eyes trained on him intently.

“What are you looking at, you irritating little thing?” he challenged.

She chuckled and took a sip of her tea, unperturbed. “Another irritating little thing.” With a sigh, she set the cup down on the table and shifted her gaze towards the cloudy expanse of the sky. “Do you think there really is a bunny making mochi in the moon?”

“What a foolish question. Of course, there is nothing.” He followed her line of sight, only there was not much to see, except for the moon shining down the land like a happy smile in its crescent phase.

Absentmindedly, she took a bite of the tidbit of daifuku on the small dessert stick. “By the way, Lord Yasumasa, that house…”

“What house?” He took a sip of his own drink and feigned ignorance in hopes that she would drop the subject. 

“That house where we… you know… don’t make me say it.” Her voice transitioned into whispers with every word spoken, her embarrassment apparent with the way her eyelashes fluttered when she cast her gaze downwards and fiddled with what was left of her food.

It irked him that she insisted to approach the subject matter right then and there, but at the same time, he knew they could not avoid it forever. Yasumasa leaned back and crossed his arms. “What was that? Speak louder, woman.”

“That house where we just had our… our secret tryst! It’s yours, isn’t it?” She opted to move her face closer to him instead of speaking louder. “Is that where you stayed when you… left?”

“You don’t need to sugarcoat everything. You mean after I betrayed the Tokugawa.”

“Well, if you prefer to put it that way, yeah…”

“Hmph.”

“Lord Ieyasu said that you requested for a second chance.”

“...I did.” 

His quiet admission took him back to the time when he committed the greatest mistake of his life. With his subsequent decision to redeem whatever he could of himself, he had received permission from Tokugawa Ieyasu to stay on the outskirts of Mikawa and live in a house an average resident would live in. Every morning, Yasumasa would wake up before sunrise and farm some land near his dwelling. Afternoons meant honing his skills in swordsmanship, a craft he was proud of and sought to even improve on. When the sky darkened, he would light a lantern in the silent company of books of strategy and philosophy. He spent his days in simplicity, struggling but striving to deserve his second chance at living. 

Those patterned days ended on a certain afternoon. The morning started out with farming as usual, and with the thought that his crops would soon produce yield, he took his lunch in a nearby teahouse alone. As Yasumasa was making his way back to his house, he was greeted by the sight of a man dressed in dignified finery, looking so out of place as he stood near the humble abode’s entrance.

“Milord Ieyasu!” Yasumasa strode over to him and bowed in respect.

A usual smile graced upon Ieyasu’s lips. “I was beginning to think you’d already died.”

“I have not, Milord.”

“Good. Show me around.”

Although still overcome with surprise, Yasumasa gave his lord a warm welcome to the residence. He had to admit, it was strange to be so casually strolling around with him again. It reminded Yasumasa of those times in the past when he still served as Ieyasu's page, when circumstances were complicated but also simpler.

“Never thought you’d be one to take care of flowers,” Ieyasu commented and gestured over the colorful bunch of chrysanthemums around the compact space of the yard.

“They were already there when I arrived. Might as well.” Yasumasa stopped in front of the flowers as Ieyasu did and waited for his lord to reveal the purpose of his sudden visit.

“Yasumasa,” Ieyasu began after a few moments, the tone of his voice grave and serious, “another war is upon Mikawa’s horizons. I want you to return to the castle.”

At Ieyasu's words, Yasumasa felt suddenly aware of the empty weight of the swords detached from his hips. He clenched his fists in frustration with himself. “But Milord, I don't deserve it… I have yet to prove myself worthy.” 

“You can, in the battlefield,” Ieyasu turned to him with an expression bare of any mockery, “I will lead the Tokugawa to victory, one you will see with your very own eyes should you decide to fight under my banners again.”

Yasumasa witnessed the determination that burned brightly in Ieyasu’s eyes and believed in the greatness his lord was meant to accomplish—that they were meant to accomplish as lord and retainer. He had wished for death during the crucial moment of his failure, but it was Ieyasu who cut the ropes that bound him, freeing him not only of his crimes but also of his weaknesses. Reverent, Yasumasa bowed his head to the ground and swore that his faith would never falter again. “On my life, Milord.” 

He took the leap and returned to Hamamatsu as a retainer—a Divine General. From the second Yasumasa stepped on the castle grounds, the rift his mistake cost him had been palpable. But somehow, the strained relationship he shared with the other retainers was nothing new. They trusted him so little, yet he could place no fault in them. He was similar to the person Ieyasu used to be: arrogant, independent to a fault, and able to put trust in no one. Day by day, Yasumasa witnessed how what he once considered as his lord’s weakness had become the strength that bound the clan together tighter than ever. His mind couldn't help but race with the possibility of the person he could become. That was when he saw her again.

Now, she was right in front of him, a small chuckle bubbling from her lips.

“Ah, no, we are not husband and wife,” she corrected the shopkeeper who Yasumasa had failed to notice the approach of earlier.

“Is that so? Pardon me, then,” the shopkeeper turned to him, “Anything else I may get for you, young man?”

“No, thank you.”

The shopkeeper nodded with a smile of recognition and left. 

Yasumasa resumed eating and dared to peek at the woman who sat across him. As if she felt his gaze, she looked back at him with a quizzical expression, but it caught Yasumasa so off guard that he had to look away. During the first few days of his return to Hamamatsu, the two of them barely had a chance to speak with each other. Truth to be told, Yasumasa went out of his way to avoid her. It was futile; living in the same castle and working for the same man made their encounters inevitable. The first few times were simple greetings, he would respond with a nod and go on his way. Soon, there were words exchanged as they touched on safe discussion topics, which consisted of only a few possible matters. When they found themselves on the verge of the dangerous, he would often find excuses to leave or to make her leave, but she was stubborn, filling in the voids in their conversations with her kindness and enthusiasm. 

“Look, Lord Yasumasa! There are red spider lilies growing around there!” She motioned towards the distant woods where clusters of the flowers grew, barely visible in the darkness.

He scoffed. “How unsightly.”

“They say that red spider lilies grow on paths where people part, did you know that?”

“Or there could be graves somewhere near the area and they were planted there to ward off pests.”

“Maybe.”

The two of them finished the last of their meal at around the same time. She turned his way to ask him of his thoughts about it, but it was then that Yasumasa spotted the short trail of powder on her cheek, no doubt from the daifuku. With a click of his tongue, “You eat like a child,” he chided in mild displeasure and tossed a handkerchief into her direction.

The suddenness of his actions made her struggle to catch the item, but she did so successfully. “Is this clean?”

“Do you think I would carry around something filthy?”

“I suppose not.”

“You’re so bothersome.”

The way back to the castle was quiet, save for their footsteps and the occasional rustle of leaves. Yasumasa's thoughts remained on her, the woman beside him who had become a prominent figure in his mind for a long, long time. He had been indifferent towards her back when she still dressed as a man to conceal her identity, but once all of her secrets were revealed, he became nothing but resentful. In the course of her earlier days as a woman in the castle, Yasumasa had been reprimanding some retainers when he saw her pass by and chat with the other generals.

“You don’t care for Yasumasa, do you.” Tadakatsu's words had been more of a statement rather than a query. The mention of his name caught Yasumasa’s attention; he had no choice but to listen.

Her eyes widened, taken aback by the assumption. “Huh?! I… It’s not that I don’t like him, not at all…”

“You don’t have to pretend. It’s written all over your face,” Tadakatsu continued, voicing out Yasumasa’s own thoughts.

To add to the vitriol thrown at him in secret, “I don’t like him either,” Toramatsu declared without hesitation.

Yasumasa had gathered that they didn’t know he was within hearing distance, yet back then, he couldn't care less what they thought of him. But as he regarded her, a mere step or two away from him as she strolled along the pathway in a manner that he would describe as almost happily, he found the memory leaving a bitter taste in his mouth—although he knew that she has most likely forgotten about it already. The light of the moon seemed to bounce with her hair whenever she moved. He clenched his fists at the memory of its silkiness between his fingers.

The reality of it all sunk in: they had slept together, and they both wanted it. Questions echoed like gongs in his mind. For someone who once could not deny outrightly that she did not care for him, she treated him with kindness, like she held no grudges for every mistake he has committed and actually cared. Something in her drew him in, even long ago despite his hostility towards her and especially now that his views in life were linked with a new resolve. It was the first time he felt that way for anyone. The raw attraction unnerved him. The slight flush of her cheeks when they happened to be in each other's company gave him thoughts he immediately crushed. He could not dare think of something when there was none. The next thing he knew, the beginnings of subtle, innocent touches and occasional close proximity ended with the two of them laying on the bedding he once spent lonely nights on.

“I will defile you. Are you sure this is what you want?” he had asked her then, giving her a final chance for a way out should she want it. He knew not what to do with himself. He had desired her in secret for so long, and though the frustration would eat him alive, he was prepared to accept her decision and understand the reason for her refusal. In truth, he expected her to flee and say that all of it had been a mistake, but like a moth drawn to a flame, she touched his cheek ever so gently and nodded, her answer clear with the fervent kiss she bestowed upon his lips. 

Yasumasa made his stop by a tree a few minutes or so away from the castle. Once she realized he was not beside her anymore, her steps faltered one by one until she ceased moving as well. He kept his demeanor in check before speaking, “Enter the gates first. I’ll go in a short while.”

She turned to face him slowly. “Why?”

“This can never happen again. Keep your mouth shut and no one will know.”

“You regret it?” she snapped, each word laced with self-deprecation and disbelief, “You seriously regret it?”

He sneered. “What do you think? Of course, I do.” 

Her knuckles tightened over the knot of the cloth that contained the package of white rice dumplings she insisted on bringing back for everyone. “Well, I don’t.” Upset, she spun around swiftly and began to storm inside the castle grounds without him, just the way he wanted to.

As she disappeared from his sight, a strong gust of wind blew, making a few leaves fall weightlessly to the earth. 

“Damn it!” Yasumasa cursed, overcome with anger directed at no one but himself. He was nothing but a liar. What would people say about her associating herself with the likes of him, someone who had the nerve to betray the clan and come back? He should know better. She was too good for him—too good to him. It was far from anything he deserved. He needed to do everything he could to stop her from coming too close to him and to stop him from ruining her even more.

But perhaps, it was too late.

Beneath the glow of the waning moon, a man and a woman sat in front of each other.

Chrysanthemums bloomed all over the backyard of a small home in the outskirts of Mikawa. Seasons had gone by and changes, both subtle and tangible, happened as they drifted from one to another. Traces of warm colors in the leaves developed fully into vivid shades of red, some deep oranges, while others shone golden. Though in the night, all of them were the same, dark as their shadows.

“They make it very lively even though no one really lives here, don’t they? Especially during twilight,” the woman commented at the hidden medley of autumn hues and took a slow, dainty sip of her sake. “So, why did you call me here? It’s not like our usual meetings, from what I gather.” She placed the half-empty cup down on the table with a faint thud and raised her gaze to meet the jade green eyes of her companion, Yasumasa.

He had been wrong when he said that what happened on their first night together could never happen again. It happened more times than she could count, not only in his residence but also in other places. It was risky, thrilling, altogether rewarding. When she happened to pass by those areas, memories of their times together would take her head in the clouds, and with burning cheeks, she would look away with a secret smile. They had visited his old dwelling far too often that soon enough, she became familiar with its every nook and cranny, including where he kept his precious tea set, the one which has been passed down to the heirs of the Sakakibara clan for many generations. If the two of them were to be around during afternoons, she would expect to find Yasumasa hanging around the chrysanthemums in the garden he kept—those flowers he claimed he wasn’t taking care of but were all blooming so beautifully. Contrary to what he insisted, she recognized the special care he gave them, reminiscent of how one would treat a bonsai, only a single wrong move with the latter could be fixed through the passage of time, but the former would not be as resilient, having a single chance to bloom during its season.

Most of all, she knew him, Yasumasa. Once, she had woken up in the middle of the night with his side of the bedding warm but empty. She got up and slid the doors open to find him seated on the floor, silent as the still night air. The same thing kept him up at night time and again; Yasumasa recognized the value of trust at this point in his life, although the idea was still foreign to his comprehension. He would never admit it, but she knew he would like to be able to build that trust with his comrades, akin to the way his lord came to the light. As he stared into the dark space, struggling still to reconcile who he was and who he wanted to be, she believed he would get there one day, he was stubborn that way.

“No one holds a grudge against you, you know? Not even Lord Ieyasu. Lord Tadakatsu is worried. I’m sure he misses his friend.” She leaned against a pillar and pulled the fabric of her robes tighter against her body to protect herself from the chill. “Forgive yourself, Yasumasa. We have.”

He was so quiet that she thought he did not hear a word she uttered, but then he stood up and met her eyes, his stare determined and passionate. “Even you?”

“I wouldn’t be here if I haven’t.” She walked closer and reached to embrace Yasumasa by the waist. In an instant, she was warmed, the steady beating of his heart a soothing sound. She spoke the truth; she did not hate him. In fact, she already had an inkling even at that time that it had grown to be quite the opposite. Every single encounter with him strengthened the attachment she felt, almost like a bond. There had been times when she made sure she had at least a swipe of rouge on her lips whenever there was a chance they would pass by each other, and she felt like she tried too hard. Yasumasa had already witnessed her at her best and worst, at her most pleasured and most vulnerable. It all sounded a bit backwards in her head, she didn’t know whether to smile or frown at the idea.

They were the castle’s open secret. Almost everyone suspected it, yet no one dared to ask either of them for confirmation or denial. It seemed that the idea of them together was an odd one. A mismatched pair of chopsticks, that was what they looked like. Scandalous curiosities were disregarded in order to avoid evoking Yasumasa’s ire. She supposed it was something she should be grateful for—if someone did dare to ask, she would not know how to answer. Long ago, he considered her his enemy. Were they friends? Not quite. She wouldn’t do what she does with him with a mere friend, of that she was sure. They were not explicitly lovers either. Still, she found no desire to lay with another man, and she suspected that he was not sleeping with another, with majority of his time spent on training and military campaigns along with the frequency of their activities when he wasn’t occupied with either of the two. It wasn’t that they were only good enough to be intimate companions and not… more. No, it was rooted on something deeper. No matter how strongly she felt for him, whatever was between them was fragile, as it was impermanent. Regardless, she cared for him deeply, knew him far enough to trust him in spite of the mistakes he made in the past. As much as she tried to keep those thoughts at the back of her mind, it bothered her time and again, but she decided that she would cross the bridge when she gets there.

However, as she sat in front of Yasumasa in the place full of their memories, she knew that the moment to cross the bridge has come.

“Lord Ieyasu has granted me the domain in Tatebayashi,” Yasumasa stated with pride. Their most difficult battle had resulted in the Tokugawa’s greatest victory. A new beginning was in the entire land’s horizons, the prospect of peace closer than ever. She couldn’t be prouder of everyone in the clan.

“Sakakibara Yasumasa, Lord of Tatebayashi,” his name and new title rolled off her tongue, and she smiled. “Congratulations.” He had come so far. She was happy for him.

He drank his sake in response, eyes trained on her all the while, holding her in place.

“Is there something else you wish to tell me, Yasumasa?”

“Why? Do you have something you wish to tell me?”

“As a matter of fact, I do,” she broached the subject and fiddled with the hem of her kimono. “Soon, I won’t be under Lord Ieyasu’s employ any longer.”

He stilled as he took in the implication of her words, but quickly recovered as he moved to set the empty cup down on the table. “And? Where are you going now?”

“For now, the plan is to go back home to Kyoto.” As a young girl, she had a lot of dreams, one of which was to take over the restaurant as her late father did. Many years had passed since then and circumstances changed. The kind of future she envisioned as a young girl has shifted into something else now that she was a woman—one who has met someone.

If he were to ask her to come with him, she would say yes... yet she knew he would not. It has always been that way—close enough to cross the boundaries they set in silence but never doing so. He said nothing. She expected it, but no matter how much she knew that she would never receive those few specific words, a part of her still longed to hear them. Her little ray of hope dimmed, and she blinked a few times in an attempt to quell her emotions. She wondered where it went wrong or if it had been wrong from the very first night they spent together. Whatever the answer was, she found that she still had no regrets in terms of the intimacy they shared. Alone in her innermost thoughts, she gave him a bittersweet smile.

“One last time?” Her proposition had been a whisper, but in a few seconds, the low table, pair of cups, and empty bottles of sake had been set aside. Her hand clutched his as she led him inside the house all the way to his chambers, where she pulled him in for a kiss once the doors slid close.

Every time she would remember that instance when Yasumasa mocked that she possessed the body that would drive no man to lust, she wanted to burst into laughter. It pleased her to see him this way, almost pliant and very responsive to her kisses and touches, as if his hatred of women never existed, or at the very least, was shelved away in particular moments where she was involved.

“How long has it been, Yasumasa? Years?” she whispered right next to his ear, her fingertips tracing a line from his jaw to his neck and further down to the inside of his collar, “Aren’t you a hypocrite? Still going to pretend you never wanted this, hm?”

He hissed and kept her lips occupied from talking by taking them with his own. His palm felt warm against her lower back as he pulled her even closer. For a moment, she allowed herself to forget everything. She was never the kitchen wench, just a woman who wanted him; and he was never a Divine General, just a man who desired her. Lost in his every touch, she has never felt so free, her body pinned down the bedding with his own, perfectly fitting together. In their final hours, she eagerly accepted all that he had to give her, again and again. She cried for him, not the inevitable separation that would prove change was constant once they go out of the doors of that little house, the one she unconsciously considered home on certain days of her life.

The journey back to the castle was slow and steady, contrary to the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions that ran through her mind and heart. Above all, the sights she took in evoked a strange sense of nostalgia. Her vacant eyes followed the movements of the autumn leaves as they clung to the tree branches, and even without the disturbance of the wind, fell to the earth constantly. Yasumasa’s horse would let out an occasional whinny, and she would pat its back in response, knowing that it would be their final trip together. Soon enough, they neared their destination, the end of their journey. The castle, tall and glinting in the light of dawn, stood in their field of vision from the woods. Yasumasa pulled in the reins, and they came to a halt. Minutes passed, but both of them stayed quiet and unmoving. 

“After we cross the gates, I will never speak to you again.” She felt proud of herself for breaking the silence with a voice filled with conviction. It gave her enough courage to adjust her seat so she could face him. The moment she did, her lips drew into a fond smile. She reached for the maple leaf that had gone stuck in his copper locks and pulled it away. It crumbled at the most gentle of her touches, fluttering in uneven fragments towards the ground. “I suppose this is goodbye, then.”

“...So, it is.”

“Have a good life, Lord Yasumasa. Be happy.”

His lips parted and closed, as though he wanted to say something but thought otherwise. It took a few more moments of silence before he finally replied, “You, too. Be happy.”

As she moved to alight, his arms tightened around her waist so slightly that she almost missed it. In the split second her eyes locked with his, the two of them found their way together in a desperate kiss that left her emotional and breathless. Seconds spent on pulling away solely to breathe were followed with another bittersweet meeting of their lips, over and over, as if the two of them were reluctant to part and were pouring all the words left unsaid with each caress. Her eyes began to water, but before tears could fall, she gathered enough courage and drew herself away from him. She alighted from the saddle and brushed off the invisible dirt from her kimono. Fallen leaves crumbled underneath her sandals, but without ever once looking back, she marched inside the castle grounds on her own.

With every step, a piece of her fell apart as she relinquished everything she had with him. 

Cruel, the hands of fate were cruel. It seemed that all they had gone through had not been enough, that even the days of their departure were one and the same. She had packed all of the little things she acquired over the years, each item tied with a memory she would hold dear for the rest of her life. A day before she was set to leave, she and Tadatsugu, whose wisdom she considered greater than anyone, looked after the plants on the castle grounds like they would on a regular day. In the midst of doing so, he thanked her for her service and the great cuisine she introduced the whole clan to. She went to town with her dear friends, Toramatsu and Tadakatsu, with whom she shared countless moments of laughter and tears over the years, and who respected her silent decision to keep all of the things she wanted under wraps to herself. Finally, she visited Ieyasu before sunset to express all the gratitude she had for him. In the Shogun’s grand library, a copy of her recipe book was placed neatly in one of the shelves at nightfall. True to her word, she did not seek Yasumasa again, and neither did he.

She bowed in greeting to the few people who would accompany her on the journey back to Kyoto and proceeded to wave everyone goodbye, ready to go home. She passed by Yasumasa and his men preparing to leave. From her peripheral vision, she noticed him pause in his stacking of his luggage to train his eyes on her every movement. The sight of him awakened her thoughts of the impossibility that it could have been the two of them who would be off to Tatebayashi that day. The roads they would take were in the opposite directions of each other, that was the way their circumstances were always meant to be. 

An unexpected gift waited for her in the palanquin. With a smile, she picked up the arrangement of bright red chrysanthemums and boarded inside. After the curtains were drawn and they departed, the mask she wore for so long finally shattered. She clamped her hand over her mouth to prevent any sound from escaping the four corners of the small space as tears streamed down her cheeks and dripped on the scarlet flowers on her lap. She wept at the knowledge that the moment he would open his food compartment in the middle of his journey, he would find a package of chestnut manju wrapped intricately with the pristine white handkerchief he once owned, each piece made with her best wishes for his life and eternal happiness.

In a little house on the outskirts of Mikawa, a garden once filled with the most colorful flowers turned bleak as they wilted through the passage of many seasons. In time, mysterious red spider lilies sprung in their place in such large numbers, it prompted the villagers to forlornly believe that it was either a place where someone had passed away, or where lovers had parted, never to meet again.

Beyond grateful to @photoproses reading through my initial draft and brainstorming with me!

Happy Mid-Autumn Festival (and Friday the 13th)! 🎑

Thank you for reading this story! 🍁

春夏秋冬 | Shunkashūtō [AO3]

lit. spring, summer, autumn, winter

春 || Heartstrings (Tokugawa Ieyasu/MC)

夏 || Sunkissed (Honda Tadakatsu/MC)

秋 || Crossroads (Sakakibara Yasumasa/MC)

| 秋 | Destiny [Crossroads Alternate Ending]

冬 || ???

Ichigo Daifuku's Masterlist

#slbp #samurai love ballad party #slbp fanfiction #slbp fanfic #slbp smut #slbp yasumasa #sakakibara yasumasa #slbp ieyasu #tokugawa ieyasu #slbp toramatsu #toramatsu #fanfiction #fanfic #ichigo bakufu #shunkashuto #autumn #aki #crossroads

[todorokiaimee]

Blues In The Night 10. All of You

Previous Chapter | Chapter Song

Aimee couldn’t sleep after Todoroki had left. Lying in her bed she tossed and turned before looking at her alarm clock on her bedside table. 4:00 am. She groaned, finally getting out of bed and walking into her kitchen.  Since she couldn’t sleep anyway, Aimee decided to get a head start on her favorite dessert and sometimes shameless breakfast item: beignets. Taking out a large mixing bowl and all her ingredients, she began to mix yeast, water, milk, sugar, salt, and eggs until they were blended well. As she worked, she felt her body and mind finally relax, her muscle memory kicking in and having a true zen moment late in the night. As she added the flour and shortening, she heard a familiar meow at her feet, Mochi alerting her to his presence. “Hello, pretty kitty. I know, mama is keeping you up huh?”  She sighed as she continued to mix the dough. “I think I might have messed up, Mochi. I’m sending Shoto all kinds of mixed signals. I just don’t want to lose him.” Mochi let out an annoyed meow as he weaved between her legs, earning a small chuckle from the ravenette. “Don’t worry, you won't be replaced, little man. You really should give him a chance though. Prissy pussy isn’t a good look on you.”  She smiled and covered the bowl of dough with plastic wrap before putting it into the fridge to chill and let the yeast rise. Picking up the fat cat with a grunt, she walked back into her bedroom in hopes of catching a few more Z’s before daybreak.

The next morning, Aimee was still pretty restless having not gotten much sleep. She once again returned to the solace of her kitchen, deciding to treat herself to more of favorite comfort foods: gumbo and cornbread. She had a large pot of the seafood stew simmering on her stovetop as she finished up mixing her dough for the cornbread. As she placed the pan into the oven, she heard a knock on her door. I wonder who that could be? Upon opening the door, she was meet with her favorite pair heterochromatic eyes, but this time they held a kind of sadness that looked foreign to her. Panning down, she noticed he had a large bouquet of red and white roses in his hand. “Shoto, this is a surprise.” The hero bowed deeply before speaking.“I wanted to apologize for last night. I pushed you too far physically and took advantage of your situation.” He paused, offering the flowers to her. “These are for you. The florist said the red represents love and white purity. I’m willing to wait for you, even until marriage if that’s what you wish.” Aimee’s heart ached, watching the man she loved. What happened last night was in no way his fault and the thought that he had been worried he had offended her was killing her. She held the flowers in her hands and let out a deep sigh. “Oh, mon cher… They’re beautiful. But you have the wrong idea.” Shoto gave her a confused look although he was greatly relieved to still hear the beloved pet name she had bestowed upon him. He must not have screwed up too much for her to still call him that. Aimee stepped aside as she gestured with her free hand, “Please come in.”

As Aimee lead Shoto into her home and to her kitchen, the warm aroma of spices hit his nose, causing his mouth to water. Upon reaching the kitchen table the pair had a seat on opposite sides as he looked around to see the somewhat messy kitchen, obvious she had been cooking all morning. He was pulled from his thoughts as Aimee took his hand in hers, an apologetic smile on her face as she laid the bouquet down on the table top. “You did nothing wrong last night. You were absolutely perfect, as usual. This was all me,” she paused, taking a deep before continuing. “The truth is… I was embarrassed for you to see me in my Spanx.” Once again, Shoto gave her a puzzled look, having never heard of the word before, “Spanx?” “It’s shapewear. A type of underwear to make me look a little thinner, smooth out my lumps and bumps and rolls. They’re not attractive.”

Shoto hummed, still not fully grasping the concept. If this was all due to a pair of underwear then he didn’t understand what the big deal was. “To be honest, I probably wouldn’t have even looked at your underwear long. I’d be too eager to undress you fully.” Aimee blushed as she bit her lip, her imagination running wild before she shook her head. “Even so… that’s part of the problem. I was also scared of what you’d think of my body with no clothes to hide behind.” The hero rubbed small circles on top of her hand with his thumb as his eyebrows knitted together. “What do you mean, my love?” Aimee sighed, her eyes cast down as she continued to nibble on her bottom lip. In an act of encouragement, Shoto brought her hand up to his lips to softly kiss across her knuckles, his eyes trained on hers. “Well… My body has always been a big deal in my relationships. Men either like my personality only to turn me away because they don’t find my body appealing, or they only want me for my body and curves. Some men just see me as a novelty. They’ve never been with a black woman before. I’m a rare bird of sorts here in Japan. But once they’ve had their taste, they drop me and move on to the next.”

The duel-quirked hero grumbled low in his throat as his lips pulled down into a frown. How dare these men treat his love so poorly. The woman before him was the most beautiful woman he had ever met and deserved the world. The more he thought of her being hurt by these low lives, the deeper his frown became. It wasn’t until Aimee continued speaking that he was brought out of his thoughts. “Shoto, you have been a literal dream come true to me. I couldn’t ask for a more perfect man to love and to love me. And trust me, I want you, in every way. I’m just so afraid that once you see me like that, with nothing to hide behind, you’ll change your mind and think maybe I’m not worthy of your love after all.” She paused, blinking back hot tears. “I just don’t want to be singing my blues in the night.”

Shoto’s heart was breaking as he watched his love crumble before his eyes. If she honestly thought that he would turn her away after seeing her in her purest state, then he was not doing his job as her boyfriend and lover. In fact, Shoto practically worshiped her body. He has had to hold himself back many times as visions of her curves laid bare before him danced in his head. Unable to take anymore, he stood from his seat, gently bringing Aimee up with him. “Come with me.” Shoto lead her by the hand out of the kitchen and into her small bedroom before stopping in front of her full-length mirror. He stood behind her as he stared into her eyes in their reflection, a puzzled look on Aimee’s face. “My apologies, my love. It seems I have failed you. You are the most stunning and unique person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, let alone loving, and I’m going to show you all the things I love about you until you believe it yourself.” He paused and kissed her temple, his eyes still trained on her reflection. “And I’ll keep reminding you as well.”

Shoto took a single curl between his fingers, a small smile on his face as he released it, watching it bounce back into place. “I love your dark curls. I would have my hands in your hair all the time if I didn’t know better.” Aimee rolled her eyes, a smile pulling at her lips. “I told you, you get a free pass. You can touch my hair whenever you want.” Shoto chuckled lightly as he kissed her cheek. “Noted. I also love your large almond eyes. They’re so expressive and almost childlike. Sweet.” Aimee blushed as she looked down, only to have Shoto lift her chin once again to look back at her reflection. “I love your plump lips. The way they part slightly in your sleep, the way they feel on mine…” Her blush deepened as she suddenly felt warm all over, images of his lips on hers invading her thoughts. She bit her lip as she stared into his eyes through the reflection in the mirror. With a smirk, Shoto brushed his thumb across her bottom lip, releasing it from behind her teeth, “Even the way you bite them when you get flustered or nervous.” Slowly, he slid his large calloused hands down her smooth arms before taking her hands in his, lacing their fingers together. “I love the way your arms wrap around me… The way your small soft hands fit in mine.” Gently, Shoto lifted her right arm to drape around his neck before lightly brushing the back of his hand down her underarm and the side of her chest. “I love your full breasts,” he whispered in her ear before quickly tickling her side, earning a surprised giggle from the ravenette. “Especially the way they jiggle when you laugh.” Continuing to slide his large hands down her body, one came to rest on her stomach and the other on her hip. Watching her eyes for any signs of discomfort, he slid his warm left hand underneath her shirt, to knead at her soft flesh. “I love your tummy and wide hips.  Maybe one day… perhaps they will house and birth our future children…” Shoto whispered into her dark curls, desperately trying to hide his now flushed face, embarrassed by his candid admission.

“Awww, mon cher!” Aimee smiled moving to turn her body to face him, only for Shoto to firmly keep her in place, facing the mirror. “I wasn’t finished.” “Oh, my bad. Please continue.” With a small smirk, Shoto continued to slide his hands further down her body, resting on her plush thighs. “I love your thick thighs and round bottom for…” he paused, quickly pulling her back flush against his body with a grunt. “Obvious reasons.” Aimee squealed from shock, laughing at herself as she covered her face and blush with her hands. With a gentle smile on his lips, Shoto finally turned her around to face him fully, taking her hands from her face to hold them tightly in his. “But even more importantly, I love your quick wit. You can reduce me to a flustered mess in five words or less. Sometimes it drives me crazy but I wouldn’t have any other way.” Aimee rolled her eyes playfully, before looking down once again, embarrassed by all the love and attention Shoto had shown her. Before she could pull away, The hero lifted her chin once more, his steely eyes staring into hers. “Do you want to know what I love and cherish the most about you, my love?” Aimee nodded wordlessly, completely entranced by her beau. “What I love most is your warm and kind soul. You give everyone your all. You go out of your way to make people smile.” Stroking her cheek with his thumb, he wrapped his other arm around her back to hold her flush to him, his eyes never leaving hers. “I love you. All of you. And I’m not going anywhere, for as long as you’ll have me.”

A bright smile grew across her face as she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him close. “Oh, Shoto.” The two closed the distance with a passionate kiss, their lips moving slowly and skillfully against each other. With her mind at ease, Aimee’s lips parted, allowing Shoto entry as their tongues explored each other. Nothing was rushed, they savored each other and the moment as if they had all the time in the world. “I love you so much, baby,” she whispered against his lips. He held her close as his hands slowly explored her body, kissing her lips softly before pulling away to trail feather light kisses down her neck, “I love you too.” Aimee melted in his arms as he began to gently suck at the delicate skin behind the shell of her ear, her fingers tangling in his hair. She moaned slightly as he kissed the small purple mark, proud of his new artwork on his favorite canvas. Capturing her lips again, they continued to lose themselves in each other, whispering sweet nothings until Aimee’s kitchen timer chirped loudly, startling the pair with a groan.  “Come on baby. Let me feed you,” Aimee smiled, before placing a final kiss to his cheek. Reluctantly Shoto nodded, releasing her from his hold, opting to hold her hand instead.

Aimee lead him back into the kitchen, gesturing for him to have a seat at the table before taking the hot cornbread out of the oven and slicing it into squares. Next, she retrieved two bowls giving them each a generous serving of fresh gumbo, topping it with white rice. She served Shoto the gumbo and cornbread with a smile, before placing her own bowl opposite of him, a pitcher of ice cold water between them. “Bon appetit!” she giggled as she sat down. Shoto looked down at the meal placed before him. It smelled wonderful, full of warm spices. He especially liked the familiar sight of white rice on top of the foreign dish. Taking a spoonful, he took it into his mouth to be met with an explosion of flavors. The fresh shrimp and crab and the spicy flour soup base mingled together perfectly while the rice was a welcome cool. “This is delicious. What’s it called?” “Gumbo!” Aimee said with a bright smile. “It’s my favorite comfort food. It really warms the belly and soul.” Shoto nodded as they continued to eat, picking up his piece of yellow bread next to his bowl, “And this?” “That’s cornbread. It’s a semi-sweet bread made from cornmeal. It’s nice to have to cool down your mouth if you get too much heat from the spicy gumbo. I like it with a little butter.” Shoto watched as Aimee took out a stick of butter from the fridge, spreading a small pad across her piece of cornbread before doing the same himself. She made the dish herself so she must know the best way to eat it. He ate a small piece with a smile, as he hummed. “You really are quite the cook.” Aimee shrugged playfully as she giggled to herself. “Well I love to eat, therefore I guess I had to be a pretty decent cook.”

The pair continued to eat their meal in a quiet conversation, Mochi weaving between their legs under the table, hoping for some dropped scraps. After finishing, Aimee took their plates to the sink before calling over her shoulder. “Any room for dessert?” Shoto quirked an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. If her main course was this good, her dessert must be heavenly. “What’s for dessert?” Aimee smiled, taking out the dough from the fridge she had worked on in the early hours of the morning. “Beignets!” She cheered, heating a pan of boiling hot oil. “I have no idea what those are, but if you’re making them I’m sure they’re wonderful,” Shoto said with a smile as he watched her prepare the dessert. After rolling out the dough and cutting it into squares, she dropped a few into the hot oil, frying it on both sides before setting them out to drain on a paper towel. Next, she topped them with powdered sugar and a light drizzle of honey. “Careful, they’re hot,” Aimee offered them to her beau as he brought the plate back to the kitchen table, Aimee following close behind. As the two took their first bites, Aimee giggled watching Shoto’s eyes widen with delight, “Good, huh?” He nodded as he covered his mouth filled with the southern doughnut. “Everything was delicious, but these are easily my favorite.”

Aimee smiled as she finished her dessert, licking the remaining powdered sugar from her fingertips, “I’ll pack you up some of everything then. That way you can take a nice hearty lunch with you to work tomorrow.” Shoto shook his head with a polite smile, “You don’t have to that, beautiful. You should enjoy the fruits of your labor yourself. I’ve already imposed enough.” Aimee stood from her seat, ignoring his protest, taking out a few containers of tubberware. “Mon cher, now that you’re with me, there is one thing you will never be and that’s hungry.” Shoto watched on as she continued to fill the containers with food. “Your love language is giving gifts and experiences I otherwise would never have the chance to enjoy. My love language is cooking. I love cooking, but I love cooking even more for the people I love.” Putting the containers of food into a bag for him, she placed it in front of him on the table. The look on her face said it was not a option to refuse. “Take it, I insist.”

Shoto chuckled lightly, haven clearly been defeated, “Very well. But I also enjoy a nice cuddle, for the record.” He smirked, earning a playful eye roll from the dark-skinned beauty. “Who doesn’t enjoy a nice cuddle? But I have to say I’m quite partial to yours as well.”

Picking up the rose bouquet off the table, Aimee found a vase, filling it with water before placing it inside. “Thank you again for the flowers. They remind me of you.” Shoto quirked a red brow, confused by what she meant. Seeing his puzzled look, Aimee giggled as she placed the vase in the center of her kitchen table. “Red and white? You match,” She smiled as she gently brushed his peppermint locks out of his face. A pink blush dusted across Shoto’s cheeks as he nervously rubbed the back of his neck. “Ah, I didn’t even realize,” he mumbled. “I am glad you like them though.”

Shoto watched her carefully as she began to clean up the dishes. As he rose to help her, he cautiously posed a probing question since their earlier heart to heart, “Just to clarify, you’re... not a virgin?” Aimee blushed as she continued to wash the dishes, unable to meet his eyes. “No baby. Is that a problem?” Shoto shook his head quickly, his own blush deepening. “No, not at all. Honestly, I’d be surprised if you were, you’re so beautiful inside and out.” He paused, a low grumble in his throat. “Although I am jealous of the bastards that got to be intimate with my love before me.” A light scoff left Aimee’s lips as she began to dry the dishes, “If it makes you feel any better, I can count my experiences on one hand, most of them lackluster.” The duel quirked hero hummed, not exactly happy with the new information for a number of reasons, “Well, if I do ever have the honor to be with you intimately, it will be my personal mission to leave you breathless and beyond satisfied,” He smirked to himself as he shamelessly looked her up and down. “Maybe even a little sore.” Aimee blushed deeply as she fought to suppress a giggle. “Ooo Shoto! You kiss your mother with that mouth?” Shoto stopped his cleaning, stunned by a revelation.

My mother.

Taking her hand, Shoto lead Aimee back to the kitchen table, a puzzled look on her face, “Everything ok baby?” “Aimee… I just realized you have told me so much about your past, even though it’s uncomfortable for you. It’s only right that I do the same.” She nodded, giving his hand a supportive squeeze. With a sigh, Todoroki told her all about this traumatic childhood. He told her about his parent’s quirk marriage. About his father’s cruel training sessions and aspirations for him. About how his own mother gave him his red scar.  About how he struggled to accept his left side. Even about the disappearance of his older brother Touya.

Aimee sat in silence, her eyebrows knitted together and her lips turned down in a frown. She opened her mouth only to close it many times, unable to find the words. Shoto finally sighed, rubbing circles on her hand in his, “Please do not think ill of my mother. She was driven to do what she did and has since gotten help.” Aimee shook her head before crossing her arms in a huff, “It’s not your mother I’m upset about. I understand she was a victim. It’s your father that sounds like a flaming bag of shit.” A light chuckle left Shoto’s lips as he sat back in his chair, “Well you’re not wrong, but he has owned up to his mistakes and is trying his best to do right by his family now at least.” Sucking her teeth with a pout, Aimee reluctantly nodded. “I mean, I guess. Once I meet him I’ll try to not give him the stink eye for you. I make no promises, though.”

Shoto chuckled as his cellphone pinged in his pocket, “Don’t hurt yourself, all that sass might bubble over with no outlet.” Dodging Aimee’s playful smack, he looked at the calendar alert on his phone. Humming to himself, he quirked a brow. “That day may come sooner than you think.” “Huh?” Aimee questioned. “Just keep next Saturday open.” “I’m meeting your father next Saturday?!” she panicked, her eyes widening as she watched her boyfriend closely, putting his phone back in his pocket. “You might, or you might not. But either way, I would like to monopolize your time again if that’s alright with you, my love.” Aimee’s expression softened as she heard her own favorite pet name. “I’d spend every day with you if I could.” Shoto smiled as he took her hand once more, giving it a soft kiss. “Good. Also, would you mind giving me Hatsume’s phone number? I have some sidekicks that are in the market for some support items.” “Sure thing, I’ll text it to you now,” she said, pulling out her own cell phone from her back pocket. “Maybe then she’ll stay out of our hair for a while.”

After hearing the ping of his cell phone, Shoto nodded, watching Aimee stifle a yawn. He knew she had been cooking all morning, it must be finally catching up to her. “Why don’t you go lay down on the couch and put on a movie,” he said standing up from his seat, pulling her up with him. “I’ll finish putting away the dishes. I’ll join you in a moment.” The ravenette nodded, clearly needing a rest, as she retreated to the living room, “Don’t take too long, baby.”

After finishing his task, Shoto walked into the living room to see Aimee laying on her back on the couch, her arms opened wide to him. “Get in here, cuddle bug!” she said sleepily, earning a smirk from the hero. “As you wish.” Carefully, he draped his body on top of hers, laying between her legs to rest his head on her full breasts. He hummed softly as he wrapped his arms around her waist as Aimee gently ran her fingers through his hair. This just might be his new favorite cuddling position. The couple watched the movie in a comfortable silence until Aimee’s breathing became slower and deeper, her tell-tale hums leaving her lips. Shoto slowly lifted his head to see that she was out like a light, glad that she was finally getting some rest. Careful not to wake her, he pulled out his phone from his back pants pocket, texting the new number he was given.

Shoto: Hatsume, this is Todoroki Shoto.

Shoto: I have a favor to ask.

Chapter 11

#blues in the night #chapter 10 #ch 10 #all of you #todoroki #todoroki shoto #todoroki shouto #shoto todoroki #shouto todoroki #todoroki x reader #todoroki shoto x reader #todoroki shouto x reader #shoto todoroki x reader #shouto todoroki x reader #todoroki x oc #todoroki x original character #todoroki x faurie #aimee faurie #black reader #chubby reader #plus size reader #bnha imagines #bnha oc #bnha original character #bnha writings #bnha writing blog #bnha romance #bnha fluff

[toumakibangs]

This is my family: I found it all on my own. [Part IV. Trip]

Prompt: “I could kill you right now!”

Jules’ Notes: Sorry, I had to switch prompts because I really really didn’t manage to finish this one yesterday! Anyway, second to last installment of our SingleDads!AU. I swore I wasn’t going to give you the Hakone trip and here I am, giving you the Hakone trip!

You just can’t keep these guys away from the mountains…

[sidenote: there was a scene in the first draft featuring the kids discovering bikes. It got cut out in the end, but who knows what will happen in the future…]

At long last, they manage to free themselves from their busy schedule to organize a proper trip to Hakone: Toudou insists on having them as guests at his family’s ryokan, and although at first Makishima attempts to protest and offer proper payment for his and Sakamichi’s stay, at some point he decides he isn’t really in the position to turn down an offer of free accommodation into a traditional inn with renowned hot springs.

The day before they leave for the weekend, he gets Sakamichi a Love!Hime mini-trolley that matches his kindergarten backpack and pencil case, and shows him how grown-ups pack their things before travelling. Hakone is just a couple of hours away, by train, but it’s still the longest journey that Sakamichi has ever taken, and he has never spent a night in a place that is not his bedroom since Makishima brought him home, so it deserves some preparation. Reassurances about potty breaks and futons, but also promises about food and baths and beautiful scenery: Sakamichi dozes off with a smile, dreaming about sweet mochi in beautiful shapes, and Makishima takes off his glasses and tucks the covers around him.

The child alternates excitement and worry, and it’s the most adorable thing Makishima has ever seen. They avoid an unpleasant accident on the shinkansen, a small victory that grants Sakamichi a proud high-five from his guardian, along with a loud kiss on his plump cheek that makes him laugh and a big hug, just because. They have a light snack before arriving, and step off the train chuckling at a silly joke Sakamichi heard from the tv the previous day.

Toudou is waiting for them on the platform, holding Sangaku’s hand: the child looks around with a dreamy expression, but lights up immediately the moment he spots his friend and starts running in his direction, tugging Toudou along. They exchange cordialities as the kids greet each other enthusiastically. They haven’t talked about the text from a few nights before, the one that Makishima has left unanswered out of sheer panic, but he doesn’t feel any sort of awkward vibe stemming from Toudou, which puts his mind a little more at ease. Or would put it at ease, if it wasn’t that now he feels hyper aware of Toudou, always: had his hair always looked so shiny? Was his skin always that flawless? Why hadn’t Makishima ever noticed his built before? Was it because Toudou’s casual wear hugged his body in ways his more formal attire didn’t? Had he whitened his teeth in the past days?!

- Sorry for making the two of you come on your own: my parents needed help and we came here several days ago.

- I hope we are not intruding, is it okay for us to stay?

Toudou waves off his concerns.

- Sure. Nothing serious, just ordinary maintenance and family reunions. When they know I’m on vacation, they take advantage of me as much as they can. Plus, Grandma likes to spoil Sangaku a little, doesn’t she, Sangaku?

The kid looks up puzzled, like he doesn’t really understand what the word means, and he hugs Toudou’s leg in answer, earning himself a pat on the head. Makishima smiles at Sangaku, but evidently the only effect it has is to scare him enough to hide behind Toudou’s knees. Sakamichi takes it as a game and does the same, peeking and waving at Sangaku from the space between Makishima’s legs. Sangaku giggles and answers in kind. Toudou grins at the toddlers and fishes keys out of a pocket.

- Let’s go, I took one of the inn’s vans!

*

- Are you sure this is alright?

Makishima asks again while they’re putting his and Sakamichi’s trolley away and buckling up the kids in the car seats, and again Toudou reassures him.

- I’ve told you to not worry: we have already scheduled today’s trips for all the guests and we’re free to use the van as we please. We might need to stop by one of our suppliers on the way back, though. We almost ran out of sake at the inn and our trusted distillery is on the way back. I promised I would have stocked up in exchange of the van.

The boys squeal at nothing in particular, maybe just at the prospect of their trip including another, surprise stop. Makishima raises a brow at Toudou, who checks Sangaku’s belts one last time and then scratches his head.

- They have child-friendly snacks there too, I promise.

Toudou starts the engine while Makishima closes his own door and holds the small backpack on his knees.

- We took the liberty of bringing a double dessert. Chocolate.

- I love chocolate!

Manami pipes up from behind Toudou, who winks at him and also rolls his eyes theatrically.

- Who doesn’t! But that’s very nice of you: we actually have extra watermelon ourselves, don’t we, Sangaku?

- I can spit the seeds very far!

Toudou groans and apologizes for his son’s loose tongue, but Makishima can already feel Sakamichi vibrating in excitement.

- So cool, Manami-kun!

Makishima resigns himself to having to teach his son how to spit watermelon seeds like an automatic rifle.

*

The Hakone mountains are beautiful. More beautiful than Makishima remembered and more beautiful than he expected. They pick an easy path, one appropriate for the children and that leads to a clearing where they can have a picnic. The scenery is breath-taking, so much that for a while, Makishima forgets to speak. Sakamichi turns on himself while he walks, starstruck and with his mouth wide open. For a moment, Makishima thinks the new environment has broken his kid, but then something blue zooms in his peripheral vision and he spots Sangaku running ahead, looking more focused and determined that Makishima has ever seen him. The kid sprints like he has wings, fast and unstoppable and gaining advantage on them after every second. Makishima makes to call after him, but Toudou puts a hand on his arm and signals him that it’s alright.

- The path is clear and safe, and Sangaku knows he has to stay where I can see him. I know it may seem irresponsible of me, but… sometimes he needs to be let free. We have an agreement that climbing trees and playing near the river is only to be done under my supervision, but he loves these places, and he likes running around so much… it does him a lot of good, honestly. He’s the happiest up here, I can’t really bring myself to ground him with too many rules.

Makishima nods, still a little apprehensive at the sight of Sangaku distancing himself from them. He didn’t think he would have been that kind of parent, with how much he values his own freedom, but here he is. And Sakamichi, at his side, has his eyes glued to Manami but throws furtive glances up at him while his legs shake in the effort of staying still. Makishima puts two and two together.

- Sakamichi, do you want to go, too?

Sakamichi’s eyes go wide and he gasps, a little overwhelmed by the mere chance of knowing the possibility to follow Manami exists, of being given a choice on the matter. His voice is high-pitched. Higher than usual at least, and squeaky.

- C-Can I???

Makishima is at a loss, because on one hand he would really really prefer that Sakamichi, being inexperienced and a little clumsy, stayed a little closer – but on the other he knows he’d feel just as bad if he were to deny Sakamichi the chance to have fun. It is one thing to put up rules and boundaries to educate a child and make him learn to eat his vegetables and stay safe, but it is another to actually prevent him from enjoying a trip into what is basically a big, organic playground. Plus, Sakamichi is unawarely making the face that Makishima can’t resist, therefore it’s an already lost battle. Trying to not think about all the ways a child can hurt himself in the open and mentally recalling the dates of every single vaccine shot Sakamichi has taken (the booster one for tetanus was one of the last, and Makishima was present for that, so he’s covered), he adjusts his son’s cap and takes his small backpack to make him lighter.

- Go. But don’t go where I can’t see you.

Sakamichi’s face breaks up in the most dazzling smile Makishima has ever received and the kid shouts a ‘thank you’ before running after Sangaku, who is waiting for him. Makishima has brought Sakamichi to their neighbourhood’s park often, he knows his kid loves to play and doesn’t shy away from hide-and-seek or tag, but being smaller and not very fast or strong, he does shy away from his peers, a little, which always makes him look a bit withdrawn in the crowd of children. He’s different with Shunsuke, and Shoukichi, more relaxed and more prone to participate in whatever activity they come up with, even if it usually ends up with him running after and keeping up with the other two as they butt head and compete over every little thing. This is another thing entirely, and Makishima has a hard time acknowledging that the resolute boy running fast in front of him is his son: Sakamichi’s legs move fast, and although it should tire him to keep up such a speed, it really doesn’t, and Sakamichi calls for Sangaku while he catches up (he always does that) and doesn’t even slow down when the two of them sprint together in another direction, heading towards a big stone first, a bunch of lilac flowers later, and then towards a weirdly shaped log that Sangaku swears it’s full of lizards they can chase.

They laugh loudly as the quick reptiles escape swiftly through their fingers and Makishima is torn between wanting to cry of joy at such a healthy display of ease and well-being, and the urge to sanitize every single blade of grass and kill every potentially dangerous insect in a two-meters-radius from Sakamichi. He hears Toudou chuckle at his right.

- Yeah, it’s really hard the first time.

- Shut up. I could kill you right now.

Toudou laughs and shifts his own backpack more so it rests more comfortably on his shoulders.

- Let’s go, Maki-chan! We have to keep up with our sons and show them who they’re dealing with!

He walks past him and flows into a higher rhythm without missing a beat. Before Makishima knows, Toudou is several steps ahead of him and he has to run to catch him again and settle on his speed. It’s a very comfortable one.

*

- You come here often?

A little more than an hour later, they’re sprawled on their respective quilts on the grass and setting up the food and cutlery for their pic-nic. There are dedicated resting areas on the track, with proper tables and facilities, but Toudou recommended a more classic experience, for their first trip. Makishima admits that the atmosphere is more bucolic this way.

- As often as I can. Yeas, Sangaku does indeed love it up here, but there are also steep paths that are meant for adults, not children, that I enjoy walking alone. The view is really striking up there.

Toudou points at the different mountains and the woods as he speak, with the confident air of someone who know very well what he’s talking about and that is in his element. It’s striking in a completely different way from the scenery. Makishima clears his throat, feeling the collar of his shirt suddenly too constricting, and he takes out of Sakamichi’s Love!Hime backpack a matching lunchbox.

- He’s really into it, isn’t he? The show.

Makishima looks up and follows Toudou’s line of sight, noticing the little backpack, the lunchbox, the ball Sakamichi and Sangaku are playing with and the mini trolley they have left in the van. He shrugs.

- I believe cartoons are Sakamichi’s biggest passion, as a whole, but he really got into this one, he’s totally in love. He made me watch it with him more than once and… I admit I can see why he likes it so much. It’s the story of a very average girl, with no talent whatsoever, who gets chosen to be a magical girl because of her kindness, but being her an unskilled person, she has to learn how to be a magical girl and improve her magical abilities. She has to overcome several trials in every episode and gets discouraged easily, but she makes good friends along the way. Plus, she has the help of a very weird looking mentor and her love interest is a very gifted apprentice from another magical academy.

- Are you sure you’re not into it as well?

Makishima chuckles and runs his thumb over the lunchbox, from where Kotori is making a peace sign at him.

- I think it’s a good show, for kids. No wonder it’s so popular. And it’s hard to explain, but while he enjoys pretty much every tv show meant for his age, this is different. This Love!Hime thing… inspires him. Does it make sense? I don’t know, maybe a child psychologist would hold a different opinion, but… it gives him courage, to think about what these characters would do if they were in his place. I’ve also been able to explain him bigger concepts, using them and their adventures, and he grasps them easily in those terms. So, yeah, Love!Hime is a very big deal in our household, and we really like our merchandise. One would say I spoil him too much, but… it doesn’t really feels that way? I mean… he never asks for anything. At all. And, I mean… if he needs something new, like his backpack when he started attending kindergarten, why shouldn’t I get him one with his favourite hero printed on? I can afford it.

Toudou lets him talk, guessing there’s a little more history behind his words.

- I’m not a spendthrift, nor a squanderer, but when Sakamichi came home with me all his possessions could fit into a small suitcase and were old hand-me-downs that made me feel sad just by looking at them. And his most treasured toy was the plush hippo I had got for him when we met at the zoo. He hasn’t owned pretty much anything until now, and he’s not a capricious child. He likes a cartoon with a magical girl and stuffed animals, why shouldn’t I get him these things, when I have the chance? Geez, he doesn’t even take me for granted, I still have a hard time making him understand that the things he has belong to him…

Toudou offers him rice balls with a tender expression.

- I know the feeling. I just wish Sangaku loved this way something else, apart from the mountains.

Makishima takes the lid off his box of takoyaki and puts it in the middle of the quilt, to share. Toudou calls the boys and, as they come, Makishima can’t believe Sakamichi still has the energy to chatter. At his left, Toudou wrestles sanitizer into Sangaku hands before allowing him near the food, but he’s doing so with a fond smile that turns even brighter when the child start eating in earnest, even looking for this or that snack they brought. Sakamichi does the same, trying dishes without even asking what’s in there. Toudou helps Sangaku with a water bottle.

- He’s a little picky with his food, but I think we’re getting better.

Makishima thinks about Sakamichi’s quiet acceptance of everything he puts in his plate, even when it’s clear that he’s not fond of some tastes, and watches him munch happily on Toudou’s salads. He kisses the top of his child’s head and asks Toudou for some recipes.

*

Predictably, the kids take a nap during the ride back to Toudou-an, but they’re wide awake for the traditional bath.

- The main pool is too hot for children, but we have an indoor bath where we keep the water’s temperature to a lower degree, if you’d like to let Sakamichi soak. He can enter the hot springs too, but he should sit outside of the water. Manami usually does that.

- I think we’ll make do with the indoor one, for now. Are you coming with us?

The words are out before Makishima can think about their implications. Toudou scratches his head.

- I would like to sort things out with my parents, first: you know, the sake order and everything, but if you feel comfortable enough to handle Sangaku, I could leave him in your care. I admit I like the hot springs better, so I wouldn’t mind postponing the bath a little and go soak while he’s asleep.

Makishima nods and goes to retrieve a change of clothes for him and Sakamichi, only to find a couple of yukatas on their futons. Already imagining Sakamichi’s face once he’ll tell him he has to wear such a garment, he goes back and gathers the kids, leading them inside the bath. On an empty bench there’s another tiny yukata waiting for Sangaku. Who luckily is an expert in terms of bathing and turns out to be very helpful in teaching Sakamichi all the ways of a communal pool and of a traditional ryokan.

*

Dinner is a light affair and the kids are asleep before they swallow the last bite of their dessert. They agree on letting them sleep close to each other for the time being, even if Makishima and Sakamichi’s futons are actually on the other side of the paper panel that divides the reasonably sized room that Toudou and Sangaku usually occupy when they visit.

- Sorry I couldn’t manage to get you another one. High season.

- Exactly because it’s high season it’s already very generous of you to host us for free. Do not worry about such trivial things.

- Maki-chan.

- Mh?

- Go enjoy the hot springs. The real thing, I mean. I can watch over the kids for a while.

- I already bathed, I wouldn’t want to im-

- I insist. They’re the pride of our inn: my grandmother will chase me with a broomstick if she finds out I let you go without a proper soak.

Toudou’s grandmother is a formidable looking ancient woman who could probably outlive her whole progeny and wouldn’t do so out of sheer pity and spirit of adventure. The image of her running after her rude nephew brandishing a broomstick is as comical as it is plausible, and Makishima laughs.

- Alright, I’ll go. Thank you.

*

The problem is, after the thirty minutes that they agreed on, Toudou goes too.

And Makishima would have left on time, and given him the change with the kids, if he hadn’t dozed off in the bath, but of course he did, and of course now he gets to wake up to the very sight he tried so hard to avoid: that of a very naked Toudou sitting dangerously close to him in a deserted hot spring. And shaking him into consciousness, which is a bonus that didn’t belong to the fantasy.

- Maki-chan! That’s why you should never bathe alone! Wake up! Are you alright?!

Makishima has enough presence of mind and coordination to stand up on his own and pull a towel around his waist in the meantime, grateful to the deities that Toudou has had the decency to never take his own off in the first place. He doesn’t know if he feels more embarrassed (and is therefore more red) for having being caught dead asleep in a public hot spring he’s been invited to, for the hot water or for standing in his birthday suit in front of his equally unclothed crush. Because yes, in the past half-hour he’s finally come to terms with the fact that he most likely has a crush on Toudou. Talk about mineral-rich waters and their power to clear minds and, contextually, complicate things.

- I… I think I should go.

- I’m coming with you.

- You’ve barely put foot in the bath.

- I’ve grown up here. I can live with missing a night. Besides, there’s still tomorrow morning. The sun comes up from that side. It’s beautiful.

Why is everything about you and your family absolutely breath-taking!?

Makishima nods, because there’s nothing else he can do, and stumbles into the changing rooms, Toudou in tow. They get dressed in silence, turned in opposite directions, but in their hast to finish before each other they end up tying their yukatas and moving to the exit at the same moment. The walk back to the room they share it’s an awkward one, and Makishima tries to find an excuse to pull that paper door close on his side of the accommodation without sounding too rude. Because what if he has completely misunderstood the situation and ends up ruining this, whatever it is, and also Sakamichi’s first friendship?

Toudou catches the sleeve of his yukata in front of their door. True to his nature, he’s staring straight into Makishima’s eyes.

- You are troubled. What is it?

Makishima swallows and looks away, touching his neck and grimacing at the naked skin he finds there. He hasn’t let his hair down. How could he forget to let his hair down!?

- It’s because of what I said, isn’t it? About the text I sent you the night I came back from the hospital.

Makishima wouldn’t be able to speak even if he wanted to. And he’s not sure he wants to, because he doesn’t trust his tongue, his mouth, his eyes, his body, anything about him. And Toudou makes of his silence what he wants…

- I’m sorry, I… I shouldn’t have sent it, I… I never meant to make things awkward. I… – he sighs, running fingers through his hair, and does Makishima have to notice right now that Toudou is not wearing a headband and is probably the one person in the whole world that looks good with bangs?! – I was vulnerable, that day. I had just put Sangaku to sleep with stitches on his eyebrow. I was exhausted and I felt so grateful towards you, you have no idea how much. I overstepped and overshared, and I’m sorry if my words came out wrong. They were true though: I was thinking about you when Sangaku got hurt, and maybe I felt the need to say it out loud because it helped me ease the guilt a little. I’ve… It’s been a while, since I have… built something with a person. Connected to someone new. And you are – you’re a force of nature, but an approachable one. I know it’s not easy for you, either, but you make it seem easier, being a parent, and I… I really needed it, right now. Someone like you.

Makishima kisses first, and neither he or Toudou expected that. In fact, Toudou stills under his hands and lips and Makishima pulls back enough to look at his slightly horrified face and his stomach drops to the ground. But Toudou has stopped talking.

- I just ruined everything, didn’t I? I… I got it all wrong, and you were merely referring to my presence in your life as a fellow single parent with a troubled child and a peculiar history, didn’t you?! Geez, of course you did, I don’t even know where you swin-

Toudou kisses second, and he kisses hard. Makishima understands now why Toudou might have not responded to his assault, he doesn’t feel able to either, he’s too stunned by the absurdity of the whole situation to even lift a hand. Toudou steps back but leaves his hands on Makishima’s neck.

- I swing in any way you need me to. And no, you didn’t misunderstand anything.

They kiss again, and this time it’s a mutual thing, which makes everything more interesting and less awkward. Toudou feels and tastes exactly like Makishima imagined (because now he can admit to himself he has been imagining this for quite some time). Makishima fits into his arms as perfectly has Toudou hoped he would. Makishima leans on the thin wall and pulls Toudou along, hands growing bolder and roaming over bodies and loose yukatas. They pull apart only when it’s absolutely necessary to do so, panting.

- It’s been…

- A while? Yeah, me too. You know, with a kid and everything…

Toudou laughs and rests his head on his shoulders. Makishima hugs him. It feels good. He had forgotten how good it could feel. He dives for another kiss. Sakamichi’s scream stops him before their lips can touch again and he pushes Toudou off of himself. He doesn’t take offense and doesn’t miss a bit. Makishima thinks he could fall in love with this man.

- What is it? – he asks as Makishima pulls open the door and kneels at his child’s side.

- Nightmare. Sakamichi. Sakamichi!

Sakamichi wakes up, startled and scared and in an environment that he doesn’t recognize. Predictably, he falls into an hysterical cry, but while Toudou is close to panic, Makishima seems to know what he’s doing. Therefore, Toudou focuses on his own kid, jolted awake by Sakamichi’s cries and close to a fear-induced tantrum himself.

Makishima disappears behind the inner paper door and turns on a lamp to give the room a warm glow of orange light. Toudou watches his silhouette from the other side of the light panel and hushes Sangaku, who hiccups sleepily into his arms. Makishima comes out several minutes later, cradling Sakamichi to his chest. Toudou notices that the child is still wide awake and slightly unsettled, and hugged tight to the hippo plush that Toudou imagines is the one Makishima told him about.

- Jinpachi, can you do me a favour?

Toudou nods.

- Would it be possible to warm up some milk, with a drop of honey? I have the sippy cup in my bag.

Toudou stands up, Sangaku on his hip.

- I’m on it, don’t worry. There’s an extra blanket in the wardrobe, should you need it, and spare futons as well: I don’t think he’s had any accident, but it’s better if you know, just in case.

Makishima mouths a ‘thank you’ and watches him leave the room with a light pang of loss. Then Sakamichi shudders again, and his attention is diverted to something much more important.

*

An hour or so later, the kids are asleep again, but the four of them are huddled on a single double futon, since it has proven impossible to separate Sangaku from Sakamichi without either of them fussing, and Sakamichi wouldn’t have let Makishima go if his life depended on it.

- Does it happen often?

- The nightmares? Not anymore. It was worse, at the beginning, but every now and then he has one.

- Sangaku did too, but in a sense it was worse, because he’s always been a silent kid, so I wouldn’t know there was a problem until it was bad enough that he came crawling into my bed. Which, in my opinion, was already too late.

- How did you deal with it?

- I put a monitor on his nightstand and developed a sixth sense.

- I know what you mean.

Sakamichi mumbles something into his sleep and Makishima cuddles him closer.

- About earlier. Perhaps we should… ah…

- …take things slow?

- Yeah. Don’t… don’t get me wrong, Jinpachi, it’s not like I want out, I just…

- …have a kid. So do I. And it’s been a while. Same here.

Makishima looks at him with longing, mixed with guilt. It’s a look Toudou knows well, and he can’t help himself: he tucks a stray lock of curly green hair behind Makishima’s ear and leaves his hand on Makishima’s cheek.

- I’m okay with slow, Maki-chan.

Makishima closes his eyes and they both lean over for a last kiss. A slow one.

#toumaki month 2018 #submission #toumaki #julesdrenages

[manju-girl]

Letters to you [11] (Shigezane X MC x ???)

Pairing: Shigezane x MC (Aki)

GENRE: fluff, angst, comedy

One | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | eight . five | nine | ten | Eleven: Sometimes the way to ask for forgiveness are through erotic paintings and lovers guide

“Hm, let’s see. I think this color suits her, what do you think Umeko?

What did she do to deserve this?

This is such a pain.

She groaned. She has Umeko to help her get dressed. But it is still annoying. They had her put on some rouge on her lips, change her hakama and her hair done in a formal updo, with a number of kanzashi. Shigezane’s bride, Lady Ayame had insisted her to try on layers of kimono and some bridal robes. This is probably her seventh time trying on iro-uchikake and hiki furisode for the day. She was well aware of her duties: and that is to assist Lady Ayame and not to try things she asked her to wear.

"Lady Ayame, pardon me but you should try these things. Not me… I was only here to assist you in choosing– OUCH!” She felt Lady Ayame’s hands pinch her cheeks.l

“But look at you! You’re so beautiful, Aki!” She exclaimed, giving her a dreamy look. “Hah! Bet all the retainers or even Lord Masamune won’t be able to resist someone as beautiful as you!”

How did Masamune-chan’s name got into this? She raised a brow, unsure if she should take this as a compliment “This is not the time for this Lady Ayame, please cooperate and choose what you wanted.” Aki pleaded,

“Hm, alright! In one condition, as long as you wear those.” Lady Ayame winked,

She’s going to get along with Shigezane, they are the same in many ways, Aki thought, smiling faintly at Lady Ayame’s request. She felt at ease somehow, that Shigezane will be in good hands. For the past few days she"s been assisting the future Lady Date, preparing her for the Date’s wedding ceremony.

“Alright. But can I at least remove the accessories for now?”

Ayame briefly answered. “Nope!”

She felt the headache forming at the base of her skull. She is trying to be patient about this. She kept her cool, assisting Lady Ayame. The rows of kimono of the finest silks, and accessories in front of them. An expensive sight for her

“Milady Aki, it’s Matsuko. ” Matsuko announced herself outside Lady Ayame’s chambers. Aki asked for Ayame’s permission in which she agreed, before leaving she quickly removed a few of the heavy hair accessories, leaving only a cherry blossom hairpin. She hurriedly opened the shoji door, revealing a rather nervous Matsuko.

“What is it, Matsuko?”

“Lord Kojuro asked me to… make something for Lord Masamune but, I don’t think I can make it the same as yours so he asked me to ask you if you can take a break from–”

“I’ll do it.” Aki responded without letting Matsuko finish, forgetting that she’s wearing a furisode she walked towards the kitchen in a fast pace.

She can finally breathe. She starts to think of what she can make for Kojuro and Masamune. Then, her thoughts wandered on Shigezane, who is probably also preparing for the wedding.

She never had the chance to talk to him ever since they came back from the onsen. It’s been days and they never saw each other. What’s worse was that she never gave him an answer for his confession, and even agreed to something she knew he doesn’t want.

“…siiiigghh.” She’s making the green tea for them, when she heard a voice coming from the kitchen door.

“Uh, excuse me…” Aki turned around to see Lord Kojirou just outside the kitchen. “good afternoon lady. I just wanted to ask if you know Katakura Aki and have you seen her?” Lord Kojirou looked shyly at her, which kept her wondering why would he ask something like that when she is already in front of him.

She tilted her head, before walking towards Lord Kojirou, a smile in her face. “Lord Kojirou, it’s me. Aki nee-chan.” She ruffled his hair, chuckling at how adorable he is. He looks a lot like Lord Masamune, especially the innocent smiles.

“Aki… nee-chan? Woah… You look different today.” His eyes widened, she can’t help but giggle. “Well something happened today that’s why. But you can’t recognize me?” She asked

“It’s because you’re wearing a furisode and your hair…” he blushed lightly, she ruffled his hair once more.

“Ahaha, I see. It must be new to you since I always wear hakama and have my hair tied up.” She chuckled sheepishly, scratching ghe back of her neck. “Well then, shall we go and give these treats to your brother? You’re here to see him, right?”

Kojirou nodded, excitement in his eyes. It truly warms her heart, seeing how Kojirou adores his brother so much despite the fight for the leadership of the clan. She put the desserts in the plates and put them in the tray. A satisfied grin on their faces they went to Masamune’s office, chatting along the way like they always did.

They arrived at the office to see Masamune, Kojuro and… Shigezane. Their eyes widened at the sight of her and Kojirou.

Her eyes met Shigezane’s for a second, he gave her a small smile. This is the first time she saw him since his proposal, yet she can feel the coldness of his look. The pain still lingering in them. As much as she wanted to sulk about this, she can’t. She broke into a smile, trying to lighten the mood for Masamune’s younger brother.

“Good afternoon Milords! Kojirou and I brought you something to eat.” She greeted, setting the tray down. Good thing she made some Taiyaki along with their other favorites.

“Aki?” Masamune and Kojuro asked in Unison. Shigezane just fixed his gaze on her.

“Oh yeah. Why I look like this? I’ll do the explanation later.” She answered, smiling sheepishly.

“Aki nee, why are you dressed like that? Are you training to become someone’s bride?” Kojirou asked, his eyes fixed on her then to his brother. The question took the two by surprise, their eyes widened at Kojirou.

“Well, not really. I was just asked to wear this.” She munched on a dango,

“That’s a shame… I thought you would be Brother’s bride…”

The question finally got Shigezane’s attention.

“You what?!” The three men asked in unison.

“What? Aki nee-chan would be great as brother’s wife!” Kojirou cheered after eating some zunda mochi Aki prepared for them. “She’s good at everything, and I do think she’d make a great wife and she’s like an older sister to me. What do you think brother? She’s a perfect picture of beauty isn’t she?”

Masamune choked on the tea he’s drinking, blushing furiously at his brother’s suggestion. Earning a worried look from Kojuro and Aki, who tried to calm him by rubbing his back. Shigezane looked at Aki, searching for answers on her face.

Aki laughed, her eyes tearing up as if that was the greatest joke she heard in her entire life. “Lord Kojirou, it is an honor that you think that way.” She grinned.

“Was it a yes then? Are you agreeing to Kojirou’s suggestion?” Shigezane asked quietly, his brows knitted. A heavy silence took over the room. Aki was surprised to see him like this, he used to joke around like usual.

But in his eyes and his words are full of pain.

“Shigezane… did I make you mad?” Kojirou asked, worry was evident in his face as he tried to talk to his cousin

“Huh? No, kid ahaha. I was just messing around with your Aki nee.” Realizing what he had said, Shigezane laughed nervously. “Don’t worry about it. Sorry your cousin is just a mess today.” He tousled Kojirou’s hair. Kojirou grinned, while Kojuro and Masamune exchanged glances, worry in their faces. Aki looked down on her hands.

“I see, you should rest then! You must be really tired.”

“I should kid,” he tousled Kojirou’s hair one last time before excusing himself. Leaving them behind. The taiyaki left untouched, she felt like her heart had just been stabbed.

Her decision surely left them both in pain.

“Oh, brother… I should go too. Mother’s going to look for me. It’s getting dark.” Kojirou said, staring at the setting sun just outside the offi ce of his brother. “I’ll make sure to visit you soon again. Thank you for taking care of me today.” Kojirou bowed,

“Take care going home, Kojirou. Kojuro if you would?” Masamune asked him. Kojuro was quick on his feet to take Kojirou back to their chambers.

“Oh wait Lord Kojirou.” Aki stopped them,

“What is it, Aki nee-chan?”

“Can I embrace you?” She asked, smiling fondly at the boy. Kojirou nodded, happiness in his eyes.

Aki did not waste a minute to hug Kojirou. Tears at the corner of her eyes, and brushing his hair gently, she spoke

“Take care always, alright? Look after Lady Yoshihime and Lord Masamune. I know you’ll grow up to be a great man like your brother.” She held him tighter, “just remember Aki nee-chan always loves you. You’ll always be like my little brother.”

What she said surprised not just Kojirou, but Masamune and her Aniue as well.

“And I feel the same too, Aki nee-chan.”

Brushing his hair one last time, she finally let go. The warm smile finally back on her face.

She spoke like she’s going to be gone.

“Well! Lady Yoshihime was probably worried sick. Aniue, sorry for taking up your time. See you soon, Lord Kojirou!” She smiled, seeing off Kojuro and Kojirou.

She turned around to face Masamune, acting as if nothing had happened. She smiled at him.

“Masamune-chan, what do you want for dinner?” She asked.

“You can’t cook looking like that, can you?”

“I can’t. This is so heavy, dear. Lady Ayame is going to kill me by making me some sort of her doll.” She groaned, holding the hem of the furisode. Masamune chuckled lightly, his visible eye showing amusement at how she handles it.

“Hm, you think this is amusing don’t you?” She added

“Well, I’d like to know how her training goes. Have dinner with me Aki, but go and change first.” Masamune chuckled lightly.

She widened her eyes, “Woah, you serious?”

“Yes.” He answered, giving her a small smile. “Also, I would like to discuss something with you.”

She nodded, walking to her chambers to change to her hakama. Her thoughts still wandering on Shigezane’s behavior towards them. It worries her.

She made something for Masamune that night, tempura and some side dishes. She served him his dinner a little late than usual. They spent eating dinner together, chatting about the upcoming wedding.

“Aki, I have a matter to discuss with you. Aside from Shigezane’s wedding.”

And so, Masamune started talking. Her eyes widened at his suggestion, her body froze in place.

* She decided to retire early for the night, exhaustion and confusion already making her want to go to sleepm she stretched her back, yawning while walking back to her chambers.

She saw a silhouette just outside her chambers, she narrowed her eyes to see.

“Taiyaki?” She called him, she can make out his features even when only the moonlight is illuminating his features.

“Matchaki…” he finally faced her, she sat closer to him. Good thing she had her peace offerings for him in hand, she can smell the sake coming from him. He’s drunk, and she had no idea why he is outside her chambers in the middle of the night.

“It’s cold out here, let’s go inside.”

“I hate you.” he mumbled, his face a few inches from hers. He’s pouting, his cheeks flushed red. Aki raised a brow, lightly flicking his forehead.

“You made Kojirou worry, you jealous taiyaki.” She munched the dango she brought for her midnight snack. He took the dango and brought it close to his lips, taking a piece and munching on it.

“I hate you, always choosing dango over me.” He said again. “What does the dango have that I don’t have?”

She can’t help but chuckle. “Are you even serious? Hah, so you are mad at me. Care to explain why?” She asked, taking the skewer from him.

“Maybe i can accept that you can’t love me the way I love you but, you to actually help in making the wedding happen?” He snorted, “unbeliiieevaaable Aki. I really hate you right now. you can at least help me in running away right?!”

“No you can’t run away. And, it is a direct order from Masamune. I can’t simply ignore it, no?”

“I hate you still.” He took a stick of dango from her plate.

“Are you sure you still hate me after I give these precious copies?” Aki waved the copies of the newest erotic novels and paintings from Shigezane’s favorite author and artist, and there’s also the last copy of the bestselling Lover’s Guide: Limited edition.

“…” shigezane stared in disbelief, for a short while. “How did you even get your hands on those?!”

“It’s a secret. So… do you want it or noooott?” She scanned the pages in front of him, teasing him. “Hm, these illustrations are really detailed! And I even heard there were only at least ten copies of the latest lover’s guide released.”

“Let me take a look before I accept your peace offering!” Shigezane said, snatching the copies swiftly from her hands. She chuckled, knowing he can’t resist those books.

“Still hate you.”

“Why are you acting like a woman now? Seriously…”

“I don’t want any of that if I can’t do it with yo–”

“I’ll kill you.”

“I was just kidding.”

Silence. Shigezane put the books and the paintings aside. He stared at her profile, he noticed that she had gotten thin. Her jaw more prominent than before and her complexion, pale. He scooted closer to her, resting his head on her lap. Like he always did. “You know… just tell me, Aki.” His hand reached for her face. “Just tell me, not to continue this wedding. Just tell me.”

She can’t tell him the conversation she had with Masamune earlier that night. She smiled, running her fingers through his hair.

“I can’t ask something like that, Shigezane.” She said quietly,

“I know that, and yet… I just…”

“Shh. Just go to sleep. Alright? You’re drunk.” She hummed his favorite tune once more, lulling him to sleep.

“Aki…” he called her, “Aki,”

“Mm?”

“But I can’t do this, this wedding” He whispered, I don’t see myself marrying anyone, except you, he wanted to say. He ran his thumb across her cheekbones, “I’ll never get tired of telling you how much I love you. I already decided, Aki. I won’t let you go that easily.” His voice hoarse, a look of pain in his eyes once more.

“I love you.” He leaned close to her face, lightly kissing her at first, gentle as he can. She can only close her eyes. Before she knew it she was pinned down on the floor, the light kisses turned to passionate ones, she can feel her kimono sliding off her shoulders, his lips trailing down from her lips, to her neck.

“Mmn…!” He bit a sensitive flesh over and over again, leaving a mark that she won’t be able to hide the next morning. Her voice were like music to his ears, he wanted more.

She was weak under his touch. She clasped a hand over her mouth. Shigezane then removed the ribbon that ties her hair, she wanted him to stop yet at the same time she doesn’t want to. She was already drunk by his scent and his kisses. He held the back of her head, his kisses now deeper.

Then, she remembered his bride’s face, Ayame. How excited she is for the wedding, Inuchiyo and lastly, the reason why she can’t accept his confession. She gathered all her strength and resolve to push him away, to stop him.

“Shigezane… this is not… right.” She whispered.

Shigezane was clearly surprised of what she said, and what he did. They’re both sweating and he can see Aki catching her breath, he fixed her kimono and handed her the ribbon, regret in his eyes he apologized.

“I’m sorry…” He said, raking a hand through his hair. She kept quiet, touching the mark he left behind. “I’m really sorry, doll.” She looked down, unable to fully process what almost happened between them.

“It’s…” It’s fine, was what she wanted to say, but the words won’t come out.

“Please forget it.” Shigezane said.

An awkward silence.

“Why do you always have to kiss me when you’re drunk?” She chuckled.

“Because that’s the only time I get the courage to do so.”

“…” she kept quiet. They stared at each other, waiting.

“Aki, will you… l-let me hold you…?” he asked, looking bashfully at her. Aki looked down to her lap, conflict clear in her face.

“Shigezane…”

“Aki, why?” He asked, “Can you tell me why we can’t be together?”

She took a deep breath, answering his question in a whisper.

“I’ll tell you… when the fall comes. I’ll tell you how I feel. Until then, let’s just keep on doing what we must do.”

#date shigezane #slbp fanfic #letters to you

[mikawa-province]

Just Deserts

Title: Just Deserts Fandom: Samurai Love Ballad: Party/Tenka Touitsu Koi no Ran: Love Ballad Pairing: Tokugawa Ieyasu x MC Rating: PG-13 Word Count (MS Word): 1170

杓子果報　（しゃくしかほう） [shakushikahou] (adj-na,n) coming by ample servings of delicious food; being blessed with good fortune

Requested by my friend Sayou. Inspired by this artwork.

He didn’t care anymore if he looked like he was inhaling the damn daifuku.

After a particularly stressful war council that morning in which Sakai Tadatsugu had to intervene and call for a break. With the old man sensing that the Lord of Mikawa was slowly losing his composure, Sakai had suggested that he go back to his room to calm himself. Just before he exited the hall, he had immediately demanded his female retainer to make a plate of daifuku.

Unsurprisingly, she delivered quickly and had brought twelve pieces of daifuku, along with a small ceramic pot of tea and a teacup for him in record time. At that point, he had no idea if she had managed to turn the snacks into strawberry daifuku, or if it was just plain daifuku.

Privately, he did not care what he ate, as long as it was made by her.

The moment he bit the first mochi and tasted the familiar and contrasting blend of red bean paste on fruit, he knew she had went through extra lengths to make it for him. With summer slowly making the weather more unbearable, it was getting more and more difficult to get strawberries for his favorite dessert. While he never indicated that he was satisfied with any type of red bean dessert, she would always make sure that the daifuku she served had strawberries in it.

He was halfway into devouring the daifuku when he heard her chuckle beside him.

He was about to ask her what she found so funny when Ieyasu found his eyes widening upon feeling her hands on either side of his face.

“Ieyasu-sama, slow down.” She smiled at him. “The war council doesn’t convene until the afternoon. You still have time to eat, you know; look at you, you’ve got mochi powder on the sides of your lips.” using both her thumb, she began to wipe off what he assumed to be where the powder had dusted his face.

For the life of him, he did not know what possessed him to suddenly grab her right wrist to steady his hold on her and lick her powder-coated thumb. As if on cue, her face turned a bright red at his gesture, yet she uttered no word of protest. He did the same to her left thumb, though this time around, he had no need to hold on to her wrist as she herself ran her thumb over his lips.

Just when he thought he was done with surprises for today, he found himself getting a kiss from her as she leaned forward from where she sat and gave him a light peck on the lips.

“… You had some powder on your lips as well, Ieyasu-sama.” She said it so quietly that he had a hard time hearing her words properly.

Or was it because his own heart was beating madly against his chest?

He didn’t know.

All he knew was that he had to respond properly.

“All those kisses I gave you, and all you could manage was a peck?” grabbing both of her wrists, he pulled her closer to him, with her ending up on his lap. “And I thought I was doing everything I could to teach you.”

Before she could even manage a shaky gasp from his rather bold maneuvering, he stole the breath from her lips. Unlike the previous kisses he always subjected her to, this particular kiss was one of his ways to ‘punish’ her. He demanded for her mouth to open for him with his tongue, and upon seeking her, he proceeded to slowly but surely tease her by sucking on her tongue gently. It did not escape his notice that she was moaning against him and that she was holding unto his kimono for dear life whenever he pulled back a bit to taste her lips; in response, he ran a hand on the curve of her back and slowly lowered it to her hips. The contact had made her gasp out loud, but she made no move to brush his hand away.

It took a while for them to part, and when they did, they were both trying to catch their breaths, their foreheads pressed against the other.

“T-the daifuku—”

He resisted the urge not to laugh as not to break the mood.

Of all the things she was worried about, it had to be food.

“If you’re that worried about it getting spoiled, then why don’t you feed it to me? Either that, or we continue this until it’s time for the war council to resume?”

Her answer had been immediate. “D-daifuku…! P-please let me feed you daifuku…!”

“Shame. I would’ve wanted to continue the kissing…” he smirked upon seeing her face turn a beet red after hearing his rather bold statement.

While he both loved the two things he mentioned, there was no doubt in his mind that he loves kissing way more than strawberry daifuku.

With the right person, kissing was enjoyable.

More so if it was deep kisses that involved her.

As the war council reconvened later that afternoon, everyone present had quietly noticed that the head of the clan looked more relaxed and calm than ever before.

Everyone except the most senior retainer of the clan, who had actually been bold enough to loudly remark on his good mood.

“It’s so nice to see you in a better mood, Ieyasu-sama.”

The younger man gave a shrug. “All I needed was some strawberry daifuku. Isn’t that right?” the question was aimed at the very person who was in-charge of all his meals, desserts included. Immediately, all eyes were on her, who automatically turned red.

Everyone assumed that the reaction was from embarrassment, as she was not used to the attention given to her.

Little did they know that the supposedly sweet smile on their lord’s face hid a rather naughty intention involving his female retainer, along with his favorite dessert.

“If possible, I would want to have strawberry daifuku all the time.” All but one had missed the subtle innuendo as their lord stated his intention for more sweets to be made whenever possible. Most people in the room agreed that it was better for him to have his share of sweets in order to get their lord in the best of moods.

As for her, she wanted the tatami to swallow her whole, as she was feeling rather embarrassed whenever her mind replayed the events that happened earlier. Discreetly, she fixed the collar of her kimono, knowing that if she was careless in her movement, someone might get a glimpse of what she was keeping hidden from plain sight.

The smirk on his face… as much as she wanted to rip it off his face, she knew she couldn’t.

But maybe, just this once, when he was caught off-guard she would be able to wipe that smug smile off his face.

Just you wait.

One of these days, she would get even.

Author’s notes:

I really like Atamoto’s rendition of Tanuki & Kitsune. My friend and I imagine Tanuki as Ieyasu while Kitsune is MC; you might think MC may not have it in her to be sly and sneaky, but she managed to manipulate Ieyasu into agreeing to go to a hanami with her by simply mentioning that if Ieyasu doesn’t go with her, she’ll invite Toramatsu instead. That did the trick. (｀･д･ﾉﾉﾞ☆ﾊﾟﾁﾊﾟﾁ

I was supposed to title this fic as ‘Afternoon Delight’ but that’s just too blatant. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

My personal limit in eating strawberry daifuku is two pieces; any more than two, and I get really ill. Ieyasu eating so much without stopping to sip tea is a miracle in and of itself.

Ieyasu’s favorite dessert is strawberry daifuku, but Sakai mentioned that red bean desserts are his favorite, so that can range to, well, a lot of Japanese sweets, if I have to be honest.

On a completely unrelated note to the content of the fanfic, the title may seem like a typo, but I’ve checked and checked, and according to Grammarist.com: “The phrase is the last refuge of an obsolete meaning of desert—namely, something that is deserved or merited. But because most modern English speakers are unfamiliar with that old sense of desert, the phrase is often understandably written just desserts.”

Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed this short fic!

#slbp fanfic #slbp fanfiction #slbp ieyasu #tokugawa ieyasu x mc #koiran

[heckofabecca]

personal meme

I was tagged by @anghraine!

Rules: Answer the questions in a new post and tag 20 blogs.

A—Age: 26

B—Birthplace: Boston, MA

C—Current Time: 2:50 PM, EST

D—Drink You Last Had: Water

E—Easiest Person To Talk To: My therapist, probably!

F—Favourite Song: I honestly don’t have a single favorite... My favorite song to swing dance to is “Bienvenue Dans Ma Vie” but I enjoy a lot of music! It’s hard for me to pick favorites, honestly >>

G—Grossest Memory: I’m just saying this so I don’ think to hard about it— the time I threw up water and anti-nausea pills after not having eaten anything but like a single roll for three days

H—Horror Yes or Horror No: I would rather watch an eternity of the Star Wars Christmas Special than watch a proper horror movie... To be fair I’ve never seen the holiday special so maybe that’s a bit of an empty threat???

I—In Love: Well “in love” is a bit more romantic than I am. I love my husband a lot but neither of us are particularly romantic types in terms of the in-love experience, as it were.

J—Jealous of People: Hm, not really! I often want things or skills or aspects that other people have, but not in a way that makes me dislike them or anything.

L—Love at First Sight or Should I Walk By Again: Uh I mean... I don’t really understand this one, but I agree with Elizabeth— I think that you can form a strong rapport with someone very quickly. Sometimes it’s just clear from the get-go if you’re compatible with someone. To be fair, that feeling doesn’t have to be equally confident on either side for it to work out in the long run— my husband wasn’t really sure about me until I beat him at Set :P

M—Middle Name: Maya! I used to hate it but I love it now. ~maturity~

N—Number of Siblings: One brother who is a jerk

O—One Wish: A really good bra that fits great and actually gives me the lift I need and, frankly, deserve for the good of everyone who looks at me :P (I’m starting small, why not??)

P—Person You Called Last: My mother-in-law to see whether she was free to do some work

Q—Question You Are Always Asked: Honestly there are no questions I’m always asked!!! I mean, apart from “how are you” and stuff like that... I guess these days people will be asking how to spell/pronounce my name...

R—Reason to Smile: Let’s just quote Elizabeth: “Flowers! Cats! Rogue One’s multitude of Saturn nominations! Trump beating his own record disapproval ratings!”

But also, it’s nice outside, chocolate babka is AMAZING, my husband is almost done with school for the year, and I’m going to Paris in only about six weeks!

S—Song You Sang Last: Sueños by Diego Torres with Julieta Venegas (it’s an Israeli dance I like and my husband and his sibligns LOVE), although I don’t actually know the words so “sing” is maybe a misnomer. In terms of songs I actually know the lyrics of, “I can’t believe that you’re in love with me” is on the recent list.

T—Time You Woke Up: At first? Probably around 5, but I didn’t acutally get out of bed until after 10. Mwahaha....

U—Underwear Colour: ??? Ha! Black.

V—Vacation Destination: PARIS BITCHES

W—Worst Habit: I am self-centered and I constantly want people to do things for me

X—X-Rays: I’ve had x-rays done of my chest, my hand, my skull (~orthodontics!~), and I think that’s it!

Y—Your Favourite Food: Chocolate ice cream with peanut butter sauce for dessert, and I love peanutty pad thai, and I love salmon sushi and red bean ice cream mochi... Yum. I like a limited number of things but I really do love them.

Z—Zodiac Sign: Virgo!

Tagging @lothirielqueen @crocordile @kelasparmak @kareenvorbarra @motherofbees @notbecauseofvictories @joannalannister @brynnmclean @nelayn @autisticgayzuko @chromatographic @sailsflyseaward and anyone else who wants to do it... I’m too tired to tag 20 people I’m sorry!

#about me #meme