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#she HAS some backstory but i just. really dont know how to word any of it
showtoonzfan · 2 days
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Just want to preface this by saying i love ur analysis sm- u put my exact thoughts into words when i cant verbalise whats wrong with a particular writing decision 🥲🥲
Anyway, smth ive noticed is how... little time vivzie actually spends on writing or characterizing or fleshing out her characters.
Which has to be the weirdest thing so far bc every writer and artist ive met agree that its the best part of making an oc! Its so fun to think of backstories and tie that into their current personality and generally just figuring out random details to get to know your characters!
Like, my ocs are my best friends, i know everything abt them from their trauma and childhoods, to their favourite food and music.
But time and time again she proves that her characters are at best acquaintances... the fandom fleshes out the characters so well and with so much love and care and thought that vivzie herself cant do and its just sad.
Not even mentioning the hundreds of retcons and how characters will just change personality randomly or act out of character which results in the work feeling like a fanfic of itself. (Ironic considering some fanfics have better and more consistent characterisation)
It feels like shes making it up as she goes, instead of having an actual plan. Just shoving random ideas she likes or picks up from the much more creative fandom into the 2 shows without actually stopping and thinking abt the consequences or implications.
Theres so many decisions shes made that irk me so bad... the ideas individually have potential but they either dont fit the show or have to make huge retcons and result in the plot not making any sense.
Also, ngl but she has the worst case of tell dont show ive ever seen my god 😭😭 like... you realise you have to show things instead of just fucking singing it or having a character say it??? Or is that another thing that the fandom has to do so they can convince themselves that the show has good characters??
Atp idk how to salvage the show... i keep finding more and more plotholes and unless i literally turn my brain off and only focus on haha funny dick joke or pwetty colors, these questions keep popping into my head making it a painful unenjoyable experience.
Again, if the fandom has to justify your bad nonsensical hypocritical worldbuilding then you failed. Massively.
Anyway im very sleepy rn just wanted to rant a bit bc im a writer and artist myself and it pisses me off how someone gets their show on the air and still doesnt care abt putting in effort into their plot or characters beyond aesthetics and random ideas that dont go well together...
You’re speaking facts! And it’s honestly like..kinda funny too that people who have their own OC’s can flesh them out and deep dive into their arcs/backstories ect, yet a professional showrunner who’s had these characters for YEARS can’t even give the majority of her characters flaws or quirks, or even consistency, same goes for Helluva Boss.
Viv is a really good example at letting inspired writers know what not to do when making a story and characters so at least they have that lol.
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bulbabutt · 6 days
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so im white, lets just get that out of the way, but i wanna talk about the orientalism in windblades design.
this doesnt feel like my place to talk about but if no one brings it up then no ones gonna learn about it or second guess it. im tired of other white people not noticing this problem or thinking its fine. if anyone asian (specifically japanese) has any thoughts or personal input it is SUPER fucking welcome! its hard to find people talking about this.
so transformers has a women problem in general. they set up women in the 80s in one episode and never elaborated on it in that show. they added arcee in the movie. they put a couple in the beast wars era, but outside of blackarachnia (becoming a literal succubus) we dont really get any of those characters adapted (besides arcee) over iterations. never any new ones really.
then the comics get windblade. i havent read the comics, this isnt about anything that happens in them. this is about her design how she comes off as as shes been adapted into cartoons. i wont comment on events from the comics outside of her origin, as i know fuck all about it.
so she was supposedly a fan-voted character, but her 'fan-voted' aspects have nothing to do with the problem (in fact the fan-vote was more of a suggestion because a few things dont end up being true) the voted aspects are as follows:
autobot. jet. fights with swords. red & black. named windblade. female. valiant. telepath. from Kaon.
so here's what that ends up looking like.
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so they took some liberties. there was other concepts where she was a european knight etc, but this is where they landed. she has this extremely feminine figure, complete with makeup and sculpted hair. many people immediately mistake this look for a geisha (though supposedly being kabuki) she gets little pump heels, it makes her very human woman shaped. birthing hips and all. thats classic girl robot stuff. its the specifics of it that are an issue.
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so thats kind of a lot of japanese motifs. the makeup, the swords, the hair... why does it look like human hair? thats a very specific hairstyle on a character who doesnt have hair...
on its own, having a japanese inspired aesthetic isnt the problem. i mean, coding characters to be from different places is fine. having characters coded as a specific race could be fine. jazz already exists, and despite being taken by racist creators sometimes (cough michael bay cough) its not inherently bad that he is black coded, specifically when in the hands of black creators/voices. thats key.
so having a transformer who landed in japan and took on some culture from there. you could see that happening. that could work if in the hands of people who were japanese.
but thats not even her backstory. shes not even from Kaon (as was voted), instead she's from another planet entirely, a more spiritual one, which narratively makes her alienated from cybertronians. this alienation adds to the problem. "shes not from here." "shes not like us."
you'll see many people look at this design and think "is that geisha transformer?" and as the character isnt from japan and knows nothing about the culture that inspired her, the media itself never corrects anyone. no one in the text goes "no shes not a geisha shes actually based on a kabuki performer", no one says any words about it, its just how she looks, its just aesthetics without explanation or cultural background. shes not literally japanese, she just looks it. its easy to mistake without cultural context from a western perspective, so calling her a geisha becomes a rampant problem. general audiences arent looking at forum posts form 2014 where someone correctly explains what the motifs are. shes made by white people, and white people are largely the ones consuming the media. its unfortunate, and could have been avoided if the culture shes inspired by was relevant to her character.
so she's clearly heavily inspired by japanese aesthetics, which codes her as being an asian woman in this media but written by non japanese people. and then she becomes so popular that she has to start making appearances in shows.
she shows up in robots in disguise first. lets compare her to strongarm (the only other girl in the show)
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having this japanese woman be far more thin and feminized than the other girl characters is the problem. strongarm is literally the first non feminized main girl transformer (not counting strika) she is much more in line with the men around her, square and broadshouldered, shes the largest car of the bunch. that was an upgrade finally. and then we get windblade. she has ruby red lipstick, human hair, heels, jewellery. on its own? thats fine. but keep in mind, shes heavily japanese coded already. then shes immediately seen as a romantic conquest for sideswipe (though he never gets anywhere, he literally claims ownership) it leans into tropes of sexualizing asian women because she stands apart from strongarm. shes the flirt, shes the very feminine one. is this on purpose? its not their fault windblade looks like that in the comics and strongarm looks like this. but side by side what is it saying? did they intend to say this about their asian woman? no, probably not intentionally. its kind of unconscious bias that tends to happen when you dont have a diverse writers room. no one notices until it hits the audience.
but lets just jump in here with the other weird problem in RID, because shes not the only one who jumped from the comics.
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drift (who while being a samurai in the comics (literal?) doesnt.... LITERALLY wear a suit of samurai armour) shows up. with his two minicons who act as his children (who hes very strict with). theres a heavy overuse of the word honour. he owes a life debt, hes very humourless etc... they also never explain why he wears this armour. he came straight from space. he doesnt even turn into anything big that warrants it, hes just another sports car. bumblebee and sideswipe are sports cars too. but why is drift a sports car? tokyo drifting. drift. you get it.
so drift also is a comics original character. he, however, looks nothing like that
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i will assume that drift looks different for one reason....
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i mean. i shouldnt have to tell you why that was bad, right? you guys get why michael bay movies are bad? (if you genuinely dont please enjoy this series as a starter) ill just assume you do. knowing that that drift is bad, can we also say windblade is suffering from a similar problem?
this show brings in these FOUR new characters and heres how they look side by side.
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so. okay the minicons are raised by drift, they share his aesthetic, okay. we dont know where he got that aesthetic but yeah they share it. windblade.... its unclear in this show if she shares the being from another planet like idw part. shes on a mission from god to be here and thats all we know. but the point is they have no similar origin. yet they all look like they could be from the same place. that they shares a (japanese inspired/coded/stereotyped take your pick) culture. meanwhile our from ep1 mains look like this:
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so that feels. specific.
its not inherently bad to code robots as japanese, however its a problem when it seems to be for aesthetics alone. its stereotyping. they look nothing like the rest of the cast, everything like each other, and are from completely different backgrounds. they literally have the same colour palette? theyre not even like that in the comics.
sidenote, if you add sideswipe (who's alt mode has kanji on it and an asian voice actor so we can assume some coding there too) they look like this. yes they all have swords.... no one else does!
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yes, windblade is the only character with a white face. makeup. yes sideswipe claims ownership over her to fight off one of the minicons. its not wrong to show windblade being harassed by a man, but it is wrong that no one ever says "leave her alone" you know? like thats just whats to be expected of her. it sucks. but at least her voice actress was asian! that wont happen again.
so. moving on to cyberverse, she becomes a central character. character wise? shes great. she gets to do a lot, no one sexually harasses her here, we're free of that era.
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comparing her to the other autobot women, shes more in line now. if thats a good or bad thing overall is less the point (ie theres no autobots built like strongarm was, they are all just as thin and curvy as windblade is) but to me its still very apparent that shes still implying human hair. even with how simplified all these designs are.
like you can see how these red lines around her eyes get lost at a distance, same with the clips in her 'hair'. its clearly just trying to adapt her original design and im not saying thats a wrong choice they made, but i am saying its really busy in comparison
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maybe thats a nitpick. but here it seems much more pronounced just how specific her head piece is because we can compare her to chromia, who is from the same place. do these two characters look like they have the same culture? not really. chromia and arcee look more alike. maybe thats just because they were designed later, but its unfortunate none the less.
even comparing her head to the seekers, what she is kind of supposed to be, they get the same old starscream mold. maybe she'd look better if they just did that? or something similar? like, give her a helmet. no one has hair. please stop implying hair. we all know what youre doing.
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none of this is me saying i find these shows bad or that i hate windblade, i genuinely love her! and i love both these shows! it just feels hard to love her because of how she was designed. its not a problem with having a japanese coded character, its how stereotyped the look is. how othered it is. it leans into racist tropes. its orientalism, using japanese aesthetics to make her look interesting and different. you can tell she was made by white people.
how is it that despite being around for 10 years now, no ones tried to redesign her?
also look at the toys! look at the god damn toys!
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she can take that head piece out to have a FAN. why does she need a fan?? shes got fucking WIND JETS ON HER BACK! its very obvious why they did this. shes a japanese woman, she can fight with a fan to complete the aesthetic! despite her character never having even been there! and no other transformer using a fan weapon! shes so COOL AND DIFFERENT like that isnt she?? holy fucking shit
to go back to those original voted concepts for a second? if we went back to the drawing board?
a telepathic valiant female autobot who can fly, has a red/blue/black colour combo (with yellow accents) uses swords, and maybe even with canonical asian heritage....
could they even do that? is it possible?
...
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OH! wait it SUPER IS! who'd have thought!?
im NOT saying "we dont need windblade! we have a better girl with the same concept!" cuz thats stupid. do not misunderstand, theres room for WAYYYY MORE TF GIRLS! the literal 1:13 ratio is FUCKED! i know windblade had to fight to exist too and that sucks!
i just think it's CLEARLY possible to do this better, and it SHOULD be entirely possible to have windblade (who was LITERALLY holding court as the MAIN girl transformer for years) to be, i dont know, not so racistly designed? i think its entirely possible to fix, i just wish they would have tried already.
and this is just what my white ass has thought about since meeting her and not seeing anyone else bring it up. like going hunting for a real take about it just meets you with the rampant misogyny problem in fan spaces. its hard to find people talking about it in a normal way, but if they have before id love to know.
i just wanted to put my thoughts about it down, maybe get people to think about it more or talk about it more. cuz jeez, i would really like them to fix the problem. like they fixed the arcee problem in idw, right? can they fix windblade next?
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cupid-tune · 1 year
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hey uhm could you tell us more about your fantrolls? they all look really cool but i dont know much more about them besides that. :P (also i like jhudas shes very pretty :])
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OH ABSOLUTELY!! You have no idea how happy I am to get messages like this! This is gonna be a long post just because I want to get all of my guys in here, apologies in advance!
Not all of my trolls have fully fleshed out backstories yet, but the ones with dancestors are part of a fansession I'm in, they've had the most development by far.
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Armane
Armane is probably my most neglected character, but I do really love his design and concept! He's a Burgundy with a lot of fight in him, despite his weak stature. He partakes in a lot of underground fighting rings in lowblood districts, usually to take out his anger or earn a little extra money. He's obviously gotten very hurt from it many times in the past, but that hasn't scared him away from a fight just yet. One of the reasons he gets violent so often is just the fact that he wants to prove himself to be tough and independent, since his lusus is very protective of him and has been ever since he was a wriggler. He's just a little problem child.
Armane is very afraid of death, but he hates mentioning or bringing up any of his fears. In general, he just isn't a very social or talkative troll, preferring actions over words and keeping his distance in any kind of gatherings. You could probably get him to warm up to you easy if you don't pose as a threat, but Armane follows the hemospectrum pretty strictly, and usually won't talk to mid bloods or higher on his own.
Nonemu
Nonemu is the leader of a cult called the Anon Trolls. I haven't done very much with their character in terms of backstory yet, since I really like them as a blank slate for whatever I could use them in. Her cult is meant to serve as an escape from society, living in a commune much more isolated from other trolls. To be apart of the family is to denounce your place in the hemospectrum and completely hide your color, as a way of being treated equally amongst everyone else in the commune. It's unknown what caste Nonemu is, but some say all the possible traits are hidden away, like their eye color for example.
Nonemu is a very kind and patient troll, serving as a sort of parental figure over his commune. He takes great responsibility and pride in his work, and can be quite a mystery to talk to. Nonemu is the type of person to speak in very vague terms, never really being fully truthful or transparent. It's up to interpretation whether or not they can be considered truly kind or malicious with their intentions.
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Fennek
Ok Fennek is like. Think of troll Jesse Pinkman and that's what you got. My concepts for Fennek are in general pretty scattered, but his main gig is that he participates in a lot of illegal business as a supplier and seller. Having grown up on internet culture and self study, Fennek has taught himself all kinds of useful skills in advancing his unfortunate position to make the most of life. Chemicals and weapons are his specialty, but his skills and personality are nearly opposite.
Fennek is a very chill and easy-going kind of guy, never really taking any situations seriously. It's a wonder he hasn't died yet with the amount of life threatening risks he puts himself in. The mask really is the only precaution he takes when it comes to working with chemicals or other substances, his hair is probably full of toxic shit. It kind of gives off the idea that Fennek knows he won't live very long anyway, so he doesn't care either way. Live life to the fullest while you can.
Trinet
Admittedly, the dancestor designs are some of my favorites. The first concept for Trinet was that I just wanted a troll who was really into explosives, and oh boy is he into them. Similar to his dancestor, Trinet is an inventor who specializes in bombs. Explosives of any kind! He's very loud, probably due to the fact that his hearing isn't all there. It's probably a Snuzek tradition to just not be properly equipped for the shit you're trying to do, precautions aren't a concern whatsoever.
Trinet is VERY outgoing and active! He talks a lot and fast, you might not catch everything he says. Although his personality kind of gives off the idea that he's dumb or aloof, he's much more impressive when talking about the stuff he actually knows, like how to make this specific bomb or what that compound of elements can make! With how bright and joyful he seems, sometimes the things he talks about can be pretty dark or upsetting. There are lots of themes of death surrounding both Snuzeks, which I'll probably elaborate more on another post.
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Zuzu
Zuzu is a whole fucking bundle of fun!! Ok the original concept was supposed to be a DJ troll, but somewhere through the designing process, they ended up turning into a Vocaloid. Centered around a lot of 2010 scene-type themes, Zuzu is an underground music artist and singer trying to make a name for herself. She'll take up any gigs available, hoping to be the party of the life and meet all kinds of trolls. Unfortunately, the music business is tough, and trying to get famous off of it is a lot more work than he initially thought.
Zuzu is the type of troll you'd go to for help or advice, a people pleaser with the full intention of trying to look good in the eyes of everyone. They can be pretty pushy at times, and they're not very good at reading the room. Although Zuzu means well, they fuck up social situations frequently, instead making him seem desperate or clingy. It seems like their emotions are amplified on all sides of the spectrum, one bad day can be a harsh blow for them.
Farrow
Although scary looking at first glance, Farrow is probably one of the most harmless trolls you'll meet. A simple farmer with a goal to live a just as simple life, Farrow is a recluse who lives on the outskirts of the city. They hardly ever interact with other trolls, not after an incident that caused them to lose their vision. A long time ago, Farrow worked as a bounty hunter, usually taking culling jobs as a means of getting trades for other goods. Now Farrow has taken up a more harmless line of work, disposing of the bodies from other troll's dirty work. They'll get rid of anything you might need to hide, using it for their own benefit such as fertilizer or food for their lusus.
In general, Farrow is very close to their lusus, using him as a guide around the farm and other places. Laying low is the next best option, but Farrow really doesn't mind. They are a welcoming troll with a habit of appearing much scarier than they mean to. Whether it be a creepy smile or misjudging you for an intruder, Farrow walks the line of good and bad. They don't really see their actions as immoral, simply understanding that their planet is a cruel place, and they really aren't the worst there is out there.
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Fichte
Fichte was my first fan troll ever, originally used as a persona and turned into a dumbass philosopher. He is an absolute stuck up prick and will not apologize for any of his behavior. As cold cut as you can get with someone, Fichte is the type that will upright tell you his intentions and then get upset when you don't follow through with them like he wants. He'll study you, use you for research, and completely discard you after if you aren't of any use to him.
While seemingly emotionally distant, if you spend even a little time with him had he not pissed you off already, you might start to see signs of insecurity or loneliness. Fichte always favors logic over emotions, finding comfort in knowledge rather than the untameable pool of socialization. The subjects he studies varies, but his main interest is philosophy and studying the behavior of other trolls. One thing he especially loves doing is keeping notes of just about everyone he meets, and he has plenty of notebooks filled with just that.
Xarlow
Xarlow is just the guy you'd expect him to be, a silly clown guy with a horrible personality. He likes to consider himself popular and well known, running his own circus with his found siblings and performing to his heart's content. Xarlow specializes in the art of extreme performance, commiting acts of violence against others and himself. His tight corset is in fact one of the self proclaimed "art pieces" of his, using his body as a canvas and thereby destroying it. Speaking of, Xarlow had managed to lose one of his horns by accident during a public show, which ended in him tearing out the other to match. That was not a pretty show.
Xarlow doesn't seek sympathy. He isn't a good person outside of performing and he knows it. The general consensus of his personality is that he's bad, but there are so many personalities to choose from that it becomes confusing at times to pinpoint just one. He's manipulative and cruel, hypocritical at its worse. His history with Fichte is a great example of this cruelty, moirails turned kismesis to what eventually became too toxic to keep. They both hurt each other in their own ways, it's difficult to take sides. One thing is for certain is that their experience has had lasting effects, Xarlow isn't someone you should consider for a quadrant.
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Onette
Onette is the definition of a gentle giant. What you see on the outside is entirely what's on the inside, a harmless troll who wants nothing more than to just create and enjoy life. A very soft spoken girl, Onette tries her best to appear harmless and approachable despite her size and caste, dressing in delicate clothing and using a gentle, warm voice to reassure others. Onette has a fascination with creation and art, one of her biggest hobbies being that of making dolls and paintings.
Onette has a certain distain for those in her own caste, often chastising them for their treatment of lowbloods, but doing nothing herself to stop them. She's soft, but perhaps too soft. Onette can be frightened easily, and is extremely nonconfrontational, something that she has a difficult time trying to come to terms with. Ironically, Onette has an interest in purplebloods especially, due to their popularity in being known as clowns. Many of her dolls are inspired by them, which can almost be seen as creepy or obsessive if you stepped into her hive.
Jhudas
Jhudas is very different from her dancestor, nearly opposite in nature. My biggest inspiration for her was the song Brutus, which can be seen in both her design and personality. She is a backstabber, often engaging in violence of all kind just to pave her way to the top. Unlike Onette, Jhudas has a clear hatred for the castes above her, purplebloods especially because she believes they rub their position in her face as being the caste right above. Jhudas deals with anger issues, and will likely explode on you with any minor inconvenience. She works as an assassin, usually taking up jobs from fellow highbloods even if she despises that fact.
Jhudas will be subservient to those she works for, but you can tell there are ulterior motives behind it. Waiting for the right moment to strike, to prove she is above everyone else in order to get what she wants. Despite all this, Jhudas may be one of your best allies, especially in quadrants. She's protective of those she deems worthy, and exerts a lot of tough love if she believes you can do better in handling yourself. It's just advised you should watch your back with her no matter what.
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Veictr
Just from looks alone, you can tell what his deal is. Crazy scientist troll with the absolute worst intentions, gleefully using others in his nonsensical experiments all for the name of research. Veictr is just that! Everything about him should tell you that he's dangerous, and he very much is. Having stole the headlight of his dear lusus after a particularly nasty fight, Veictr began his work diving into the world of body modifications and mutation. He managed to find a way to hook the light to his own system, forming a symbiotic relationship with his body and the bacteria just as a symbol of award from his lusus.
Veictr is quite a confusing character in terms of personality, showing absolutely no sympathy for anyone while also being a sweetheart to those who manage to stay alive in his presence. He doesn't mean to intentionally hurt anyone, it just so happens that death and injury occurs when experiments fail. He's quite giggly too, with a hyperactive attitude and a great interest in others, Veictr can make for great conversation. His curiosity knows no bounds, and it really is a wonder how he manages to prove some of his theories correct.
Lucius
Lucius is probably the most unfortunate of my trolls. Having suffered the consequences of their own actions, Lucius managed to find herself trapped at the bottom of the ocean by a certain Fuchsia due to an obsession gone too far. Before this incident, she was considered a dangerous troll, perhaps just as much as her dancestor, but unfortunately, she was shut down far before she could get too bad. Although her entrapment was meant to be her execution, Lucius managed to survive with the help of her lusus, escaping after a sweep of just barely making it out.
Now, Lucius is an entirely different person. After so long of being in isolation, they've become paranoid and weak, suffering the many effects the ocean put them through. What was the most interesting part, however, was the fact that they returned with a strange mutation. It is unknown how exactly it happened, but Lucius now suffers with a bioluminescent stomach, her skin seeming thinner or perhaps even transparent.
Her story breaks off into many directions depending on the context, but one involves the scientific interest her own dancestor took of her after being discovered in this state. I'm currently in the progress of making an animatic based on this particular outcome which I'm very excited about! More lore stuff to be expanded on later.
This is the general information for each of my characters so far! There's a lot more detail I'd like to expand on in separate posts, especially considering I'm trying to cram a bunch into one. I really really appreciate the interest in my characters, and I hope to post more content about them soon! It makes me super happy that people enjoy them as much as I do.
This took a while to make LMAO
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lukewarm-beef-stew · 18 days
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maybe a weird question, but are there any characters in mha that you don’t often write about but you really like as they’re written in canon/conceptually? I find your interpretations of canon really interesting, so I’m just curious if there’s any other characters you find interesting :)
love your writing <3
oh geez, where do i start??
Present Mic. I often see him characterized as the dumb flirty cheerful guy in fanon, which like yeah, he mostly is, but!! He's so much more than that in canon!!! That one panel where him and Zawa are in front of UA with all the reports and Mic is like "let's just kill them all" and Zawa has to tell him to cut it out consumes my every waking moment. like yeah ik it was probably just a quick joke but I'm sooooo interested in the thought that Mic is down for casual mass murder at the drop of a hat and it's tired zawa and everyone else who has to wrestle him back from it. also i have soooo many thoughts about how he processed Oboro's death vs how zawa did, and i'm!!! im obsessed with them ahsjdk
Hawks! i think his canon character is utterly fascinating, and i find it annoying how he Also gets fanon-ized into a dumb flirty cheerful guy so often. But between canon and some truly amazing fics i've read where he defects to the LOV and becomes buddies with Twice,, it's already perfect. I don't think I could ever write any version of him better lol
NEZU omg nezu!!! okay i lovee his character conceptually but i def do think MHA fell into that trap of "introduce this fun genius character.... oh shit now we have to pretend they don't exist or else the genius would just solve all the problems too easily" that makes Nezu come across as far more dumb than he is stated to be. But!! jesus christ his backstory is so freaking incredible i want to bite it. i love characterizing him as an insane little guy who just wants friends or to adopt some kiddos (does not know psychological torture doesn't count as a bonding activity) <3
Lady Nagant!! sooo interesting and amazing. admittedly did not read far enough to get to her arc so i don't know all the details about her but. i really do love what i have seen. i mean come on, former hero who was all hopeful about being a hero but was basically forced into the role of an assassin until she snapped and killed her boss, then was jailed unjustly for ages, then eventually got broken out?? im big heart eyes theres soooo much we could do with that!!!!
I also like the Iida brothers a lot! just their whole dynamic is so good. so delicious. i could make them so unhealthy and codependent so EASILY- but on the canon side of things, just noble perfect hero tensei (side note i have So Many Fucking Thoughts on stain targeting tensei of all people, who i think is almost literally the most selfless hero we see in canon who truly embodies the idea of a Hero, i hate it stain's a dumbass) who gets injured but is still cheerful, trucking along, probably accepted that this was how his career would end years ago. and then his little brother tenya. he can't handle the perfect big brother he always looked up to getting torn down in front of him and goes fucking insane about it. god i love them
speaking of weird siblings- dabi! I actually really like his canon and fanon characters (the bad brother and the good essentially lol) and think he should be allowed to kill endeavor. all the time. immediately. i hate endeavor's redemption arc so much asjsgdjgskdgk BUT YEAH side note i do not believe the common interpretation that he's a slutty fuck boy. nuh uh. that kid does Not know what a clit is and a hug would make him cum and cry. in a tsundere way probably. hes a mess and i like him lol
actually, I just really like the whole LOV. Shigaraki is- im so fucking obsessed with him i dont even have the words. i have like 4 different versions of him i cycle through rapidly in my head and i adore all of them. also its very important to me that everyone knows that AFO deliberately waited to start enacting any plans with Shiggy until after he was twenty- the age of a legal adult in japan. any earlier, and ppl would've been like "who is that weird teenager? where's his dad? is he okay?" and like. treated him like a legal minor/victim instead of a villain. and this is where 90% of my hatred for AFO comes from ahsjdk. i could go on about shiggy for hours BUT i also love compress, because he's hot and cool and wears a mask and i am Not immune to aesthetics, i ADORE bubbly unstable sweet twice and feral bloodthirsty delighted toga individually and their whole adorable friendship (i need to write more togachako ahsjdk) i Love loser virgin spinner who starts out clearly in Way over his head but is still utterly devoted to this band of misfits he stumbled into, i love queen magne, I FUCKING LOVEEE KUROGIRI AAAAA and i find the nomu concepts deeply fascinating and delightful angst, and its all so wonderful
I do find overhaul conceptually interesting and well-written, and its one of the few times i hated a character in MHA and knew that was what the author was intending and was pleased to finally feel like i was working with the narrative instead of against it. i think the overhaul arc is the one that satisfied me the most. (im only just now realizing it might be related to the fact that its the one with the least bakugo in it ahsjdk) but yeah i wouldn't particularly want to writing about his character more bc i dont like him, but he is a very well fleshed out villain that i can appreciate!
thats about all i can think of off the top of my head lol but as you can see there are parts of canon that i do really enjoy!! i think the author is truly talented at coming up with characters, but just needs a bit more practice implementing them/working out their interactions. thanks for the question!!
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suffarustuffaru · 19 days
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What are your least favorite ships? Not counting Subaru x one of the minors (i sadly have seen some around)
whew...... least favorite ships..... now thats a bold question HAH and i may have some. ah. Bold answers hah.
im generally pretty open to most ships, its just a matter of like. either i already liked the ship / was really into the ship or im more neutral about it and you just gotta convince me why i should at least give it a shot or be like "this could be good in certain circumstances". i dont usually care if a ship is toxic or "problematic" per say bc 1. this is rezero and sooo so many ships in this show arent 100% healthy lbr and 2. i will like a ship if its like. complex, and if theres problematic stuff, then its done for a reason - like it's not just there willy nilly. but thats just my personal feelings on it yep!! :o fiction is different from real life and all that.
more under the cut!!
that being said like. you know, kinda like you said - the obvious answers would be like subaru x any minors and just any sort of incest ships bc like. i do not see the point of it. that and you know, like a lot of people, i tend to avoid these sorts of ships with 99.999% of fandoms im in. i aint here for incest or shipping adults with minors. and i know theres like fandoms like game of thrones where this sort of thing IS relevant in the story, but with rezero - like it just is not relevant here and adds nothing unless youre into that. i do get that fictional stuff is different from real life and its not necessarily an indication of someone's character. i also definitely know this bc ive cowritten a gluttony if selfcest fic for this fandom as a very extreme crack treated seriously story hahh. but yeah like. ships between family and adult x minor are Not For Me in this fandom. i dont feel like it adds anything to the story and its also like Really out of character.
granted, i cant really say much on that bc ive written and posted selfcest for this fandom but like. in my defense, i did way too much research for that fic (..............i researched a lot of psychology stuff) and also gluttonybaru is Canonically Not Normal about subaru. the more you think about gluttonybaru the worse he gets HAH. like. dude has canonically kissed subaru via emilia's book of the dead....................
but obviously ofc i do not condone any of this ^^^^ in real life.
anyway on a lighter note!! im not a huge fan of most ships between subaru and *insert a female side character here*. like im not a big fan of like. subaru x anastasia, subaru x priscilla, subaru x elsa, subaru x yorna, subaru x pandora, like... the list can get kinda long bc people in this fandom in certain english spaces like to ship him with like any girl ever, it feels like sometimes. it gets to the point where sometimes i feel like subaru is just the self-insert to be shipped with women that people have the hots for.
like with most content about these sorts of ships, its hard for me to see much point to it - and there IS potential there. there is almost always potential in so many different tropes and ships, and theres some cool fanart in this fandom with these ships!! but you know, i hear about people suggesting ideas with these ships or writing fic about these ships and its just not my cup of tea bc it really sacrifices the characterization of all these women. and elsa is like already sexualized enough okay and its almost never nuanced and taking into account her backstory :( like i could be convinced to ship these ships with like idk 20k to 200k words of relationship and character development, but as it stands i personally really dont like them hah ;-;;; and also priscilla is clearly more into women okay (she canonically talks about how men are only allowed to fantasize about her and nothing more or she'll cut off their heads!!) and anastasia seems more into like julius and priscilla so like. HAH.
subaru x crusch is not something im a big fan of but im pretty open to it hah, i just havent seen much fancontent about them that really piques my interest :,)
anyway i also just. dont like the idea of taking a gay subaru ship and genderbending only one of them due to homophobia. and ill emphasize and underline that last part - due to homophobia - bc ive seen really good genderbend subaru content in this fandom where subarus afab and shipped with like julius or reinhard or something and there was clear effort and passion put into it!! and i do think its interesting thinking about how genderbend aus would affect this sort of thing for sure <3 i really really enjoy seeing the well made genderbend aus in this fandom!!
but i see other people suggesting fic ideas or making fics sometimes where its like fem subaru x male side character or like now-fem side character x subaru but it like its only clearly done bc some people just cant ship a gay ship, they gotta make it straight and then not put effort into thinking how this would change more things. and the female character in the duo now is Especially terribly out of character :(( the homophobia is just so so irritating to me. i go on the fic reddit thread sometimes and i see stuff like. i think once i saw a thread about someone requesting ottosuba and someone else immediately went "oh, with femotto right!!" like. ...... please. they are a gay ship :,,,))))))) let them be gay Sometimes at least!! maybe we can genderbend both of them sometimes??? :,)))
also on a less serious note HAH ok like..... ok hear me out, dont kill me for saying this either, but - fredotto. frederica and otto. and - ok dont get me wrong, i think theyd be really really interesting for multiple reasons, right. and ive seen some cute fancontent on them that i liked a lot!! so i really do think they have lots of potential!! like theres the obvious "otto had a crush on a cat as a child and frederica's a cat demihuman", then theres the other obvious fact of otto and frederica being connected via garfiel being their brother/brother figure, and also like personality/temperament wise they could bounce off of each other in interesting ways but like.
the thing with fredotto is that i feel like in english fandom its treated as the "more likely" otto ship to happen, at times. which is Absurd to me after studying otto's lore way too hard bc not only is this dude just way too obsessed with subaru (like regardless of whether you view it as platonic or romantic or not, ottos like Down Bad either way LMAO i just dont see him having eyes for anyone else at this rate)... but also otto OPENLY ADMITS that he'd be bad in a relationship with a woman. like im really sorry but frederica would probably be Too Good for him. and he would Know That.
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otto………. can you specify what “the most important thing” is. like do you mean ONLY your career or—
anyway so its like. you want me to believe that otto "i could never be in a relationship with a woman as i am now" suwen. could date a woman????? right now???? i dont think so LMAOO. like i would feel BAD shipping a woman with otto bc barely anyone deserves otto, ok. idk you might be going "suffaru arent you kinda mean to otto" but like being an otto fan also means being his biggest hater and dude is just super super cringe. and even if he had a crush, the chances of him voicing it is Probably Low.
like ships like fredotto, again, need like idk maybe like a few thousand words of development At Least on both ends, bc frederica?? we barely know anything about her at the moment, so its Really hard to approach a ship like this in an in-depth manner right now. like id love to explore fredotto!! id love to learn more about frederica!! id love to go crazy with this ship!! but yeah its definitely kinda hard bc we barely know anything on frederica :< :( and yeah once again. i think shes too good for otto. i think almost every woman is too good for otto. if youre shipping a woman especially with otto you gotta jump through hoops to Really convince me on this HAH. bc i think shipping him with men is just gonna lead to two different possibilities (codependency. and/or otto trying to femme fatale his way through life 👍)
yeah anyway jokes aside. fredotto at worst feels like just a case of pairing the spares and like Clearly they must only be in a straight ship or something HAH.... like i would love to read/write extensive relationship development on them though ;-;;; they got good potential, youd just have to put in the work for me to Believe that they could happen ;-;;;; but most fredotto english fic content atm is just them already being a Thing in the background like ;-;;; this would Not Happen from either of them without development!!!
also i have some fredotto tumblr posts floating around with what i Think would be fun to do with their dynamic…. idk where they are rn hah but yep i think they got potential :,) !!
anyway HAH i hope you did not mind reading about my least favorite ships in this fandom bc this is everything thats coming to my mind now 👍
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pinazee · 21 days
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the writers trying to make chapel a “she’s stronger than she was in tos and has more agency hashtag girl power!” character meanwhile they got her crying in an elevator at the drop of a hat all bc boimler said spock shouldn’t be so smiley like what is this going on here
Oooo okay. So first of all, my apologies to all the ppl in my inbox. I keep forgetting to check that 😬
I can’t remember if i posted this or not, but Chapel has been the hardest character for me to, i dont know how to put it, adjust to. I want to word this very carefully because i like Chapel, but she’s just missing something for me.
On the surface she’s written as a character i should like. She’s a badass who’s not afraid to take huge risks, she’s brilliant, and she’s snarky. But the problem, for me at least, is I don’t think this “fixes” how she was written in TOS, which is what it feels like they’re trying to do. its like they overcompensated to the point where she almost doesn’t feel like a real person.
Like personally, i think it would have been fine to keep chapel more maternal like she is in TOS, and still make her a badass. She didn’t need to be a combat pro with m’benga in S2E1. I actually think it would have felt more badass for her to not really know what she was doing but went a little crazy and beat some klingons because drugs haha
i dont know, i think maybe my real problem is that her character arc is so wrapped up in Spocks, she feels like a secondary character to her own narrative. Like in Under the Cloak of War, they gave her this dark war background and they focused so much on how her being unable to talk about it affected her relationship with Spock. Which is fine, thats a real conflict people have, but don’t then focus on how Spock handles it. Focus on how this maybe makes her feel isolated or alone because she can’t bring herself to talk about it with anyone.
Plus, we don’t really know much of anything about her. Most of the time she’s on the screen its to serve spocks arc. I dont know if thats because they’re focusing on our more well known characters first to try to draw audiences in (because we also haven’t really had any Sam or Erica screen time which is a shame), or if this is purposeful, as she self describes as being distant with people. And we know she has some murky relationship history thats left a mark.
So maybe it’ll shift in her direction in upcoming seasons. I hope it does. Im really looking forward to getting to know Chapel and her backstory, without it being a plot foil for her relationship with Spock (or korby if it comes to that).
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doll-elvis · 5 months
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I AGREE SO MUCH ABOUT CHILD BRIDE. i went into it knowing nothing about the author, and in the forward shes really emphasizing how crazily obsessed she was with priscilla so i guess i was expecting it to be a sympathetic view of her😭 definitely not. what is suzzanes problem dear lord. shes so convinced and desperate to tell you that priscilla was some evil teenaged succubus out for rockstar blood. jesus christ. like girl even if she actually was who gives a shit????? same goes for currie grant. i dont care if he showed the author concrete evidence on a golden platter that he was telling the truth. hes just such an obvious sleazeball. just disgusting……. and she dedicates like 300 chapters to him saying over and over again that he fucked 14yo priscilla and that she was into it. babe they couldve had a steamy decade-long affair and NOBODY would care because he is literally just some random creep ass loser 13 years older than her. and when it comes to his attempted rape of her hes literally like “no i didnt try to rape her i just [decribes attempting to rape her]”. i really dont know suzzanes backstory but she is insane.
but uh. anyways that aside i did enjoy parts of the book for the more in depth view of the story. like suzzanne has such intense bias that really shows throughout but even with that it was still a great way to understand some of the situations a little better… i wish elvis and me was a little more detailed but i can appreciate how and why it is. and i am strangely curious about the actual nature of priscilla and curries relationship (i dont think they ever had consensual sex but i do believe he attacked her before elvis left germany and that leaves me curious as to why she still hung around him afterwards... i.e. those pictures of her to send to elvis that he took)
sorry for the huge wall of text im just.... very .. intrigued? by the book? its just so bizarre and raises a lot of questions lol.
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“Currie’s like “No I didn’t try to r*pe her I just [describes atttempting to r*pe her]”
YES THANK YOU!!
if I could, in my own words, summarize the transcript of the conversation between Priscilla & Currie it would be this ⬇️
Currie: I didn’t r*pe you
Priscilla: You forced yourself on me
Currie: I didn’t force anything, you just weren’t into it
Priscilla: So you didn’t try to kiss me?
Currie: Well yeah I was trying to kiss you, you just wouldn’t kiss me back. You were very cold
again that was just my own words so not the actual transcript but that is exactly what I got out of that conversation- which is Currie denying he forced anything on her while simultaneously describing just how unresponsive she was to his advances, so THANK YOU for articulating that perfectly
He is an absolute sleaze-ball as you said, and clearly did not realize he was incriminating himself throughout that whole exchange
like even if Currie’s version of the events were true (I highly doubt it), he still committed statutory r*pe. Perhaps Suzanne and him don’t understand the age of consent but a fourteen year old girl cannot consent to intercourse, so anything he may or may not have actually done to her is still R*PE, whether she seemed willing or not. I’m completely abhorred that a biographer would give a man like that such a large platform and not only that, but agree/go with the story he tells- I’m sickened by it
and god, his reasoning as to why he wouldn’t need to r*pe Priscilla is just the most insane thing I’ve ever read ⬇️
“I had at least ten girls that I could call any night and go have sex with them,” countered Currie. “I’m not bragging—at least ten. I didn’t need to rape anybody ”
excerpt is from “Child Bride” by Suzanne Finstad
okay like?? Ted Bundy had a longtime girlfriend and yet he still went out and s*xually assaulted and murdered women… what’s your point, Currie?
what also bothers me is that Suzanne Finstad is sitting on the full audio tapes of that conversation between Priscilla and Currie, and knowing her history of misquoting people and writing things that don’t line up with other testimonies, I wouldn’t be surprised in the very least if parts of that tape have been conveniently left out, or transcribed wrong, as she converted it from audio to text
like the whole 1961 photoshoot, as you mentioned, is something that I just wish I could hear Priscilla explain for herself
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Priscilla Presley and Currie Grant in 1961
It does raise the question if what she said transpired was true why would she ever want to be alone with Currie again, and better yet, why would Elvis willingly put her in a situation like that?
Especially when he was aware of the attempted r*pe ⬇️
MARTY LACKER: “There was a guy who used to bring Priscilla around to Elvis’s house some, over there in Germany. He would take her home to her parents’ place, and then he’d go back to the barracks. Well, he was a scumbag. He was using cute little girls to get into the house, to be around Elvis. And he tried to put the make on Priscilla one night when he took her home. She says in her book that he tried to rape her. But he didn’t succeed. Elvis told us about it, himself”
excerpt is from “Elvis and the Memphis Mafia” by Alanna Nash
The only explanation in my mind that makes sense is that perhaps Currie Grant was Elvis’ only remaining contact in Germany- or at least the only person in contact with Priscilla- and since he was so desperate to see her again, maybe thought that the reward outweighed the risk
And obviously a 15-year-old Priscilla was still reeling over him leaving Germany and would likely agree to anything to please him…plus since it was Elvis who asked Currie to take the photos, maybe she thought if Elvis trusted him to do that, she could trust him as well ?
And although I doubt she intended too, Suzanne inadvertently said something similar when trying to do one of those logical fallacies that she does throughout the duration of “Child Bride” ⬇️
“Priscilla, despite her claim that Currie tried to rape her, was thrilled to oblige, “desperate” for word from Elvis, through Currie”
excerpt is from “Child Bride” by Suzanne Finstad
I feel like Suzanne is basically answering the dilemma herself despite her attempt to point out the inconsistency in Priscilla’s behavior (her being afraid of Currie, but also being around him)
Priscilla was willing to be photographed by her attempted assaulter as she was desperate for contact from Elvis and Currie just happened to be that link between them
and I have to say, my original response to the ask that I received about “Child Bride” was something that I was worried about posting as many of the more passionate anti-Priscilla crowd tend to treat it like it’s their Bible but WHEW- I am beyond relieved that so many people have also seen just how outrageous that book is, especially the narrative that Suzanne Finstad goes with- like as you said, trying to make a fourteen-year-old Priscilla out to be some “teenaged succubus” LMAOOO (that took me out 💀)
I honestly consider myself to be Priscilla-neutral despite what some people assume of me based on some my posts 🤧 and so because of that, I am very open to reading and discussing the valid criticisms against her HOWEVER- I have no time in my day to take someone like Currie Grant seriously so that is why the first half of “Child Bride” (chapters about Germany and what fourteen-year-old Priscilla may or may not have done) are just what ruin the whole book for me
And it’s a shame because again, there are some very valid things that Suzanne points out about Priscilla, especially the things that were left out of “Elvis and me”; like her inconsistencies in recalling certain events, her sometimes questionable character (treatment of others), her possible greed (suing and more suing) and the biggest one to me- her involvement in Scientology… but all of that is just dampered by Suzanne’s god awful commentary and god awful judgement
also girl please do not apologize for sending this in- I sincerely thank you for adding to the conversation about this book as I think these kinds of discussions are so beneficial and I’m just truly grateful to be able to have them with y’all- I’ve fr learned so much from your guys’ insight
and since there is such a surplus of information about Elvis (and Priscilla), I feel like the best way to navigate through it all is by breaking it down like this, and so if y’all ever want to talk about another book feel free to send in your thoughts <3!!!
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constellama · 9 months
Text
ohoho time to cry
Llama reads TRC: Chapters 1-10 of The Dream Thieves
Prologue
Reminder that I’ve been spoiled on some things from this series
OHHH so that’s how he gets the keys
It’s so sad to see how quickly Ronan fell apart after his dad died :(
Chapter 1
Well that’s one way to open a chapter !!
“Don’t feminists have big muscles?” Gansey.
Ik Blue is gonna end up with Gansey eventually but seeing her fight so hard to love Adam is so :(((
Maybe I’m being presumptuous cuz I still haven’t finished the series but I think it’s messed up how Adam literally loses everything and he doesn’t even get the girl he likes :(
“Good thinking, maggot.” 😭????
NOAH
Sorry Noah can literally do anything and I’ll be screaming and crying I literally love him
Chapter 2
Declan ??? Oh my God is he gonna be the in between chapters
WHO THE HELL IS THE GRAY MAN
Me when I take 17 Benadryl and start seeing the gray man
what the hell is the Greywaren
Uh oh
Chapter 3
Ronan why do you know what gasoline tastes like
Ooo a man made lake,,, my brain is making theories perhaps
It seems like Ronan is a bit?? Salty?? about Adam waking up the ley line
Kavinsky?? Wait wasn’t this guy mentioned in the first book? Oh god is he gonna be reoccurring
“Him! He’s not a dirtbag. He’s an a-hole.” ok Blue !! Slay!!
Chapter 4
Ok so obviously this guy was hired to find some kind of relic that lets people take things from dreams,,,
So this guy is looking for whatever Ronan has. Although I don’t think Ronan has a relic that lets him do what he does.
DOES THAT MEAN RONAN IS THE RELIC?
I’m not being insane here right. That’s like a reasonable theory
Chapter 5
I absolutely love the descriptions in Ronan’s chapters, especially about his dreams ough
Ooo weird dream box ok
Loving the way Gansey and Ronan talk to each other it’s so funny to me
Chapter 6
Am I mean for thinking Orla is annoying. Idk I just really don’t like her
Blue is barely five feet tall,,, she really is just like me fr,,,
Blue :(
Blue is so relatable to me I love her
OK OMG Idk if it’s just me but the “it’s a wizard in a box.” “It will do your homework,” “And it’s been dating your girlfriend,” “Are you all drunk?” really reminds me of the “What’s the best way to steal a man’s wallet?” bit from Six of Crows. More evidence that the crows and gangsey (that’s what they’re called right?) would be best friends
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See are you guys picking up what I’m putting down
What does Ronan know that the others don’t,,,
Blue once again slaying
Ew Kavinsky
what. what. wait. Am I being insane or does Kavinsky have the same powers as Ronan does. What.
“Is this how Noah feels?” WHA TIF I THREW U P
Chapter 7
oh THIS GUY AGAIN
oh ok that’s not ominous whatsoever
him?? please don’t tell me that means Gansey uh oh
Wait no because Gansey wouldn’t terrorize old ladies
Kavinsky ?? Maybe??
Oh so the Gray Man has a backstory,,
Chapter 8
oh God Adam chapter brace yourselves
“It was nothing, but it was Adam Parrish’s nothing” cmon we barely started the chapter :((((
Adam actually loves Blue sm I’m gonna cry
“What do you want, Adam?” “To feel awake when my eyes are open.” DAMN. WOW. OK damn I. Alright. I need a minute wow.
OK we’re back
“This was easier when we didn’t know each other” please stop my heart can only take so much <3
DO NOT KISS. DONT
BLUE. PLEASE JUST TELL HIM
PLEASE
THIS PART
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OW???
“No more. Please, I can’t take any more.” Tears in my eyes Adam Parrish please spare me
OH??
YEAHHH SOMETHING HAPPY FOR ADAM FINALLY
“I don’t want your pity.” Uh oh
UH OH
ADAM
Blue is once again slaying but I’m a little concerned about Adam bc WHAT
“Was this what he fought every time he remembered I existed?” I have some very choice words for Maggie Stiefvater rn 😁 /lhj
wwwwhat
what’s happening to Adam I’m concerned for this boy
I need a shirt that says “I survived chapter 8 of The Dream Thieves” good lord
Chapter 9
Ofc they’re loitering bc they’re bored
Just silly guys doing silly things
It’s on page 69 too
Ronan. Ronan are you ok
CRYING AT THIS??
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NOAH MY BELOVED
I LOVE HIM
“‘Glitter,’ whispered Noah reverentially, giving it a shake.” I’m so emotional about Noah Czerny I need a minute
I’m not gonna survive when Something happens to him oh God
IT WAS RONAN WHO HELPED ADAM
aw
WHAT
NOAH
Ronan is still mad at Gansey for,,, holding nothing against Adam?? Or treating him the same?? Not sure why Ronan’s so upset yet still helps Adam out,,,
OH?? WHAT DOES NOAH KNOW??
“It’s not my job to tell other people’s secrets.” uhhh this surely can’t end well
Chapter 10
how big is this map
“I’m not dating now.” “Except for Glendower” pffft
HAHAH
I love how Adam and Gansey are having this serious conversation meanwhile Ronan literally throws Noah out the window
I love them
Cue that one “he pushed me down the stairs!” meme
Ok so clearly a lot is happening and I have. Many thoughts. BUT. I’m ngl I’ve had this post in my drafts for a while and I’m way farther than chapter 10 but it’s kinda annoying to have to update for every chapter,,, SO
I’m still gonna update, but more of my thoughts are gonna be theories kinda and not in these super huge posts!! I’m still trying to figure out how to live-blog this series without ruining my reading experience so stay tuned 👍
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mdhwrites · 11 months
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Now that owl house is over ive noticed an uptick of people kind of retconning the show? like pretending Boscha was the one who ruined Willows life and that Amity NEVER bullied her (they have fully just deleted her entire first appearance of spending 3 minutes harrassing Willow for fun),
or generally just ignoring writing flaws like luzs selfish behaviour, alador being made to one eighty, or smaller things like Skara being including in 'misunderstood' by Willow and rewriting them.
I dont really get it, why not just admit Amity could have been written better, or note how when put in context luz seems very selfish and this should have been better thought out or at least considered in her arc? you can point out these issues and still enjoy the show.
I mean... That's happening for the same reason why I can still write Lumity/Lumischa in a loving, sweet relationship instead of having to acknowledge that Luz gives such little of a shit about Amity as to let her go die alone without warning. Fan content doesn't need to even reflect the analytical beliefs or truths of the show. In fact, it doesn't really need to reflect the show AT ALL sometimes. But this is only true for fan CONTENT. If people are talking about analysis with the show, that gets a lot murkier. I'm not going to be an ass and be like "Oh, they're trying to change the facts!" Not at all. Here's the thing: My blogs tend to be as long as they are when it comes to analysis because of the aggregate actions of the show and characters and what that says about them. For most the words matter WAY more. And The Owl House likes to state what it wants the truth to be rather than backing it up with actions. This is why it goes SO HARD on backstory elements that aren't meant to inform us of character motivations but are supposed to imply that the person they are now is who they've always been so you just forget about they used to be. You forget that Eda was honestly not good to King for like half of S1 if not just the majority of S1. You forget that King acts, talks and others act and talk to him like he's a young adult who's just lazy as shit rather than an eight year old who was adopted by Eda. You forget that Amity was a CUNT for much of her life because look at how much she cares about her teammates or how awful her parents were! It's not good storytelling and it rarely recontextualizes motivations as much as it tries to scapegoat them. We were never going to get a character like Zuko with this writing style because part of Zuko is how much he has INTERNALIZED those trauma we see in S1 and so those never go away entirely. They are still a part of his character. There is no version of Zuko that is pure smiles and laughter like there is for Amity or Hunter. BUT it is to some extent effective, especially since a lot more focus is put on big moments rather than the small ones. I hate Reaching Out for all the small things in it. For all the moments where a small change in dialogue or action would have Luz not seem so entirely callous about Amity's safety while death looms on her mind. What do most remember from that episode? Luz spinning Amity around, Amity not being able to handle Luz's dramatic entrance into the ring and the final conversation where Luz spills out her heart and Amity proves just how amazing a girlfriend she is. Any of the small details that paint Luz poorly, they dismiss entirely because "Look how much pain Luz is in! I'm going to focus on her pain rather than how she is acting because of that pain." Without like, you know... The fact that those going through hard times are STILL responsible for their actions.
I'm not even asking for Luz to have been perfect in that episode but a lot of the time, people will say that hard times prove who you are. I don't like the fact that I can tell I still have a lot of anger in me because I can get more aggressive when I'm tired or just sad than I like to be to others. I apologize and try to keep myself in check though. If this is Luz on a bad day... Then Luz at her core doesn't give a fuck about other people. If her core was that she cared too much, her trauma response should be to focus on those she cares about the most but she doesn't give a SINGLE fuck about Amity that ENTIRE EPISODE. Even down to her saying to join the brawl. She admits it's not because she thinks it's the right choice for Amity or for the situation but that she will always choose chaos. That's not taking into account the person. But that takes ignoring the fact that the text of the episode is trying its hardest to make sure that you are on Luz's side entirely. That by the time Lumity get to the Grom tree, you're not looking for Luz to apologize for breaking her promise at the end Falls and Follies or for ANY of her actions, but instead you're wanting Amity to make Luz feel better.
Luz's choice to stay in the human realm is the same way. The text of the show, the words as stated by characters, is that this is a sacrifice. That it is a noble martyrdom of any happiness Luz could ever have but that she's doing it because she is certain that if she goes, she could only fuck things up. As such, Camila going to the Isles isn't her making Luz do the right thing and actually fix her fuck up but instead Camila being the best mom ever because even though this world scares her, she will do everything in her power to make her daughter happy and give her chances at happiness. This is why I don't blame anyone for liking the show. The show understands good concepts. It thinks that it is doing everything right. And so I have to pull in so much else about the show, all it builds up, contradicts, etc. like that in order to point out why I feel the way I do. The way people might who can't figure out the words because something in the back of your mind is going "Wait, Luz hasn't told any of them the truth and Amity is talking about the future but Luz isn't saying anything but the show says that this makes Luz a good person, not a bad one and that feels wrong for some reason but I can't figure out why." And that is a rough place for most fan analysts. Like they don't do this super often. They aren't ready to pull up an episode list and truly interrogate the thesis in their mind. It's going to be motivated as much by emotion as it is logic. And that's not even a bad thing as most of them are going to do it based on an aspect they love or hate but they're not going to let go of other beliefs they have for the show.
This is part of why I do read every comment that comes across my blogs or my asks. To listen to the other side. Someone yesterday in fact tried to defend Luz becoming a witch at the end because the theme of the show isn't reality vs. fantasy, it's purely about finding a place where you belong. And for a second I was like "You know, that is actually a compelling argument. There is something there." Then I remembered that Yesterday's Lie explicitly pointed out that Luz could have been happy in the Human Realm, that her life was good, and that maybe she needed to question what she was doing. Almost like, I don't know, the question of fantasy vs. reality, of the grand adventure you want versus the fact that life is complicated and messy wherever you go, is a major theme of the show and Luz specifically, right down to King's crown turning out to be nothing but a toy.
But I did my due diligence and did interrogate the question properly and won't say that it has zero merit. Amity finds happiness with Luz. Willow finds happiness with plant magic instead of abominations. Hunter finds happiness out of the EC. There is definitely an aspect of it to the show but it doesn't feel like a main thrust of it. Honestly, I think even if it were, it's made weaker by how much these characters have to change themselves for their happiness. Willow and Luz are the only two who survive contact with a space that will make them happier as Lilith, Eda, Amity and Hunter all effectively have their characters replaced at some point away from their core to a new narrative function that usually either turns them into a joke or something incredibly bland and generic rather than unique and personal.
Analysis is COMPLICATED. Good analysis is HARD. I mean, someone tried to refute me on Titan Luz being a deux ex machina probably in part because they like the spectacle it brought them and while I still debated that my original points stood and that their arguments actually made it clearer how it was a deux ex machina... That doesn't make it a bad thing. But to most fandom analysts, the very term means the story is beyond redemption if it uses that. Meanwhile, I'd argue the deux ex machina appears to be the best part of that episode because it allows such a joyous spectacle for the fans to enjoy, including the angst spectacle of Luz dying. ALL of this is also what led to me final statement for my tierlist: TOH is worse than the sum of its parts. In order to articulate why though, you have to be able to examine all of those parts and TOH is such an ambitious show that there are a LOT of parts with a lot of movement to them to examine. That's a lot harder than questioning if one part is worse than you'd like but keeping a firm belief that the rest is just as good as you always believed, or vice versa. I mean, when I did the Found Family blog, I literally had a moment where I went "I genuinely expected Eda and Luz to have spent time enough to justify the finale because I do believe in their relationship as mentor and student but the two spend almost no time together in the second half and WHAT THE HELL!?" I was caught off guard by finding out that a part of S1 I was firm was good and functional was a lot shakier than I'd expected. But I did my diligence in double checking and then exploring the answer I got.
And I could get into the excuses people give for the show like the shortening but... I mean, I still agree with someone on my Discord that if an analyst excuses something as due to the shortening, they better have a DAMN good reason for it. I will actually listen to an argument for Hunter's character arc being worse because of the shortening due to S2A likely still being mostly produced without that knowledge. I won't forgive that it already had signs of being bad and as bad as most arcs in the show though because even with Eclipse Lake he's being treated as a joke and only truly as an enemy by Amity for a little bit and his OWN COVEN. Eda and King treat him as a joke and so does the episode so while his arc could have been better with more time, it's hard to say it would have been good. Because an excuse actually has to correlate with what is presented. And The Collector exists so... Really, there's no way of using the shortening as an excuse. Not when I've literally made a compelling argument for why a full S3 would have at best been good because the show clearly wanted more time than was EVER reasonable without a firm guarantee from Disney and Disney hasn't given a show more than 3 seasons in a WHILE. (I would link the blog but I couldn't find it quickly)
But again: A lot of these people are just wanting to talk about a show they love and you know what: More power to them. I talk about this show so much because I want to talk about a show I used to live and my brain is rigged to overthink EVERYTHING. A decade ago and I would have been way worse at these blogs than I am now, especially since back then my point was to prove I was right and smart while nowadays it's much more about wanting to teach about writing and discuss aspects of it. And there's a lot I can teach with The Owl House but if I half ass my analysis, you're not going to learn and so I try to be a bit more thorough than maybe I even have to be. If this blog doesn't prove that in spades. Edit: Part of me wonders if part of this is a misinterpretation/abuse of Dana saying that whatever she's stated is as valid as anyone else's headcanons and that only what explicitly happened is canon for the show. Which, as always, for many, meant rip Aro/Ace Lilith and Lesbian Amity. -_- ===========
I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!
I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead, If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.
And finally a Twitter you can follow too!
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sxaras · 11 days
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CHAPTER EIGHT - save your tears
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₊˚a story in which two teens inexperienced with love learn to love each other.
warnings — selfship fic (osaluma) (livchu), bsd spoilers, angst, fluff, teen love, romance, mentions of traumatic backstories, underage dr.g use (marijuana), violence
MASTERLIST
notes from dazai’s star: hitting u with the angst again hehe
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hey luma, i’m sorry to do this to you. but, we’ve had some good times together. i think it’s time for us to go our separate ways tho. u we’re a great friend and this has nothing to do with u. i just feel like we’re not on the same wavelength anymore as i like to say. i wish u well
luma’s heart broke as they read the dm from aiden. they didn’t see it coming at all. sure they haven’t hung out for a while but that shouldn’t have changed their friendship.
luma: do u know how koutarou feels about this?
aiden: no i dont, i’m sorry
luma: it’s okay, i wish u well aiden
luma was devastated despite the kind words. they gave their all into those friendships—even knowing koutarou since middle school. they also introduced aiden to koutarou and then they started dating. they wouldn’t even be a thing without luma. so for them to stab them in the back like this was a low blow.
“koutarou and aiden dropped me,” luma explained to liv, chuuya, and osamu. “oh god, luma i’m so sorry,” liv said apologetically. “i’ve known koutarou since middle school,” they said sorrowfully. “this isn’t the first time they’ve done this either.”
“screw them, they’re not worth it,” chuuya scoffed. “for once i agree with the slug,” dazai said. “hey!” chuuya said offensively. “baby, calm down,” liv told her boyfriend.
“yo no couple shit in front of us,” luma joked, smiling. liv giggled, holding chuuya’s arm and leaning against him.
luma took a hit off their dispo. “whatever, fuck them,” they muttered. “exactly, they’re not worth dwelling on,” osamu said honestly. “they really broke my heart.”
this made osamu’s blood boil—infuriated that someone could break luma’s heart they were so desperately trying to mend together again. screw them, he thought.
it broke his heart more seeing them cry silent tears. “why the hell are you crying? they’re not important enough to cry over,” chuuya huffed again. “you try having your heart broken over and over again, douchebag!” they cried out.
“i—i’m sorry i didn’t mean it—” “don’t worry about it,” he quickly interrupted them.
“screw them. they’re way to insignificant for your mind to be wrapped up in them,” olivia said, scoffing at their actions. “exactly,” osamu agreed.
“you’re right. they’re not important anymore.” they paid their mind to something else now.
“like the weeknd said, save your tears for another day,” liv chuckled. luma’s face lit up at the weeknd reference. “let’s listen to him right now!“ luma exclaimed.
the three agreed to their suggestion, just wanting to have their friend feel better.
“you make it look like it’s magic, cause i see nobody, nobody but you,” luma hummed the lyrics, which dazai enjoyed. he could get lost in their voice any day.
noticing this, olivia smirked to herself. “what’s with that look on your face?” chuuya asked. “look at dazai-san,” she explained, which made chuuya turn to his enemy. he had a soft expression on his face as he listened to luma sing.
“i’m glad he likes them. while i hate the guy, he would seem to treat luma-chan well because he loves them so much,” he said to his girlfriend. “hehe, exactly!” liv squealed at the thought of her friends getting together.
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dreamwritesimagines · 10 months
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okay dee, so many things to say idek where to start i’m just gonna stream of consciousness rn…
ahhh felix!!!! missed him and clover’s blooming (hehe) friendship <3 need him and andrew to kiss already, we all know they both want to smh. also has the ton not raised an eyebrow to the fact that bess and josie are always together and andrew doesn’t seem to mind?? 😭 that’s so funny to me, they’re so blind. or do they have like designated days/times where they make sure to be seen together and what not
i wonder if lady margery’s intentions are pure or if she’s got the hots for ben?? i think she’s actually being totally innocent, it’s not her fault she’s a hot widow like c’mon now (unless this is an aunt lavinia situation and she murdered her husband LMAO) i also could never see ben hurting clover in that way (cheating) like yeah he might unknowingly cross some lines (especially since clover is only now really beginning to open up to him and actually letting him know the details of her childhood/life before she was taken in by her aunt and uncle) but infidelity?? never, he literally worships the ground she walks on. and if a lady was ever getting too cozy with him he would most definitely put them in their place. like he was barely paying attention to lady margery in the first place 😭
also andrew saying “You were a scrawny little thing when I first met you, that glare doesn’t work on me.” made me CACKLE, would we ever get an extra scene on how josie n clover met andrew and how they discovered that they could have a mutually beneficial union?? idk how else word that 😭😭 also, did josie meet bess before or after she and andrew married?? is bess married??? i do think you’ve mentioned that but i cant remember:/
their little pinky truce, i cannot lie that did make me cry. such a sweet little detail.
CLOVER’S NIGHTMARES BEING ABOUT BEN- i think getting hit by a car would be less painful.
her wrist story :( the fact that she WANTED to maim herself so that she’d never be subjected to a marriage like her parents :( my heart breaks for clover every time we learn more about her backstory. the slowburn romance is fun n all but the real painful slowburn comes is clover’s backstory, i’m starving for more details, dee.
ben’s silent anger- ngl that was hot LMAO
but i absolutely cannot wait to see overprotective ben 🙈🙈
love clover’s whole trauma dump n leave the room thing, it’s so funny for no good reason 😭
also i wholeheartedly agree with what jansje1296 said, “i dont have to tell you to keep up the good work because you will do so anyways” like i could not have said it any better myself <333 gorgeous chapter, dee!! wish it was sunday again already :)
sincerely,
😈
help why is it so big 😭
OMG OMG DARLIIIING! ❤️
Stream of consciousness is amazing, I love it and I'm so excited! 😁🥰
Andrew and Felix are going to be such a cute coupleeee! 🥰 I love them together already and they haven't even started dating yet 😂
Andrew and Josie make sure to be seen together from time to time, and always throw in some comment about how they're happily married in any conversation so the ton definitely has zero idea about their arrangement 😁
Oh Lady Margery is definitely a hot widow😏 But you're absolutely right! Like, she for sure has a looot of admirers and any other person would probably fall in love with her but Benedict is so so in love with Clover that even when he's having a conversation with her, he still keeps an eye on Clover 🥰
Omg so I have so many ideas about this! ❤️ I actually feel like Josie and Bess met first, then Bess introduced her to Andrew ❤️ But I think Andrew was the one who brought up the idea of that marriage! ❤️
Bess used to be married but it was a verrrry short marriage, she married an old guy and he died very fast 😏
Clover is so worried about Benedict because she is so in love with him❤️
Her wrist story yessss😱 Both she and Josie have so much trauma!
Overprotective Ben is comiiiing 😏
Omg honey you are absolutely amazing and you've made my day, thank you so so much for this! ❤️ ILY! ❤️🥰
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arcaneyouth · 9 months
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Hmmm.... top 10 OCs and why you like them! Also allowed is just giving their entire backstory with each answer.
OH FUCKIN BOY this ones almost definitely going under a read more thanks
1) JOE!!!!
ironically i cant explain this one in detail sorry thats still spoilers. we are getting there in my comic i fucking promise just give me. another year. or two. fuck. anyways he's just!!!! he's my silly!!! he helped me figure out a lot about myself and what i wanted from the world and i kind of accidentally processed some of my biggest traumas through him and because of that every day he is a reminder that life continues, the time will pass anyways, tomorrow will always come, and fear of something ending does not have to control you
2) amedeo my fucked up piece of shit amedeo. ive already written paragraphs upon paragraphs about him in several different places so i will refrain from doing it again and focus on Why he means so much to me. he's kind of! like a counterweight to what joe helps me with? like joe reminds me i have the freedom to do whatever i want with my life, and amedeo reminds me i still gotta fucking be nice to people or that will have consequences i dont want. if i were to live my life purely by what joe helped me figure out i wanted, i would become amedeo and thats like not. good ADGAHFS and i have fallen down that path before. and there was still hope for him. so theres still hope for me. hes also really pretty
3) oh fuck now i have to choose between my beloveds. UHHHHHH dara we're going dara. honestly she only gets this high up the list because shes joes girlfriend, but she is still really interesting and special to me. dara did genuinely awful things.... 70 years ago. things she has spent the rest of her life trying to make up for. she is a good person who is trying so hard. she also cant even see how hard shes trying and sabotages herself often. she is the narrator of the story and its not a role she can bear. because she knows its not her story to tell. so she hands it to theron and lets them paint her as a monster, lets everyone believe she deserves whats coming to her, that shes the scum of the earth. and she knows her side of the story will change things. and she does not give it. she thinks the best way to make up for everything shes done is to finally let theron speak. its their story. and she is their villain. she knows its true. even as shes still trying, still trying to help people, still trying to survive one day at a time, still trying to improve (even if shes not good at it). she is still therons villain. she wont take that from them
4) reverie somethings fucking wrong with them. and you cant even blame them for it. at least when i go on unreality spirals i can get someone to confirm things are real and thatll help pull me out of it. reverie cant trust a word anyone tells them because Nobody Else Is Real. They Are All Made Of Code. of course an npc would tell reverie the world is real. of course the ai living in the game would tell reverie the world is real. what else can they do. the only other player, the only other real person in this game, left them. and now its just reverie. they cant find meaning in a life theyve replayed hundreds and hundreds of times. they get trapped in their own head because thats the only thing thats real. and their head isnt filled with any comfort. they are much too far gone to be helped by the people who care about them. and so the people who care about them choose to make them worse.
reverie is interesting to me because they are an awful person who just needed to let someone hold their hand and help them through their hardest days, but i know if i was in their position, i wouldnt have accepted it either. shattering what little hope they had left was genuinely the only way to get them to snap out of it and want help. if theyd just had a hug, that they could consider real, maybe theyd have been ok. but they couldn't.
5) eden, girl got dragged down hard by reveries spiraling. got treated like less than a person by them so much she believed she wasnt a person either. and none of it really mattered, in the end. everything she went through was about reverie. never her. for the entire story up until that point, it had never been about her, and at her lowest point at least she thought she had some kind of meaning and purpose as she shoved her sword through reveries chest and killed them in a way they couldn't just respawn from. and none of that was about her either. just reverie. any emotions eden felt did not matter for the plot elysium wrote. edens tragedy just fucks me up because she goes through so much for nothing and she still has to just wake up the next day and keep going. and she will. she just has to find something that matters, to her
6) theron this kids fucked up theyre like 10 and experiencing horrors beyond their comprehension
7) elysium,,,,, shes really pretty and also shes trying so damn hard to save reverie but the only way she can do it is to ruin their AND eden's lives. she's a good person. she writes the story and there was nothing she could do!! she just wants everyone to love the world she helped create for them and they Cant and that breaks her heart. she looks like shed give warm hugs and hand me a juice box
8) rowena. somethings wrong with her <3 she is kind, she is awful, she kills for her own fucked up sense of justice, she is the kindest person theron has ever met, she justifies innocent bystanders getting caught in her wrath because if they didnt want to die maybe they shouldnt have been on the wrong side, she is giving a 10 year old reason to hope and love again. she genuinely cannot be considered a good or bad person because every move she makes helps AND harms others at the same time. shes fun!
9) raid, they are another player of the game just like reverie (tho they dont know each other) and they are so comfortable with their life and they make me so happy. they wake up on a day theyve seen hundreds of times, and ask themself what they can do to make it special. life is what you make of it, and raid has made it into a love letter to everything thats ever existed. they have no control over when the resets and reloads happen since reverie is always doing it before they can even consider it, and they are ok with that. they really have a grip on what a joy it is to simply be alive
10) I CANT CHOOSE. FUCK YOU
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jaegerbroshoe · 1 year
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hey thereee, just wanted to say how much i appreciate your acc because you're one those people that put a lot of thought and insight on snk and i just find that really sad bcus we really got screwed over, we deserved better, other than that, your appreciation and love for eren is very refreshing, i love him sm, he didn't deserve that ending, I swear I couldn't sleep thinking about the could've beens for his character.
im rlly glad too that you see Eren like one of the Ymirs in the story, like few people see that, and honestly they rlly could've ran with Ymir continuing to build Titans out of want for purpose other than lOvE, like literally gross, it mirrors with Eren seen as he had constantly want for purpose or sum? Correct me If i'm wrong
And again what was the point of building everything up for Eren if scarf girl was going to save everyones ass anyways, what was the point of naming attack on titan if not for the purpose of Eren being the one to end it all? They say he got the daenerys-esque ending but to me it was more of like jon snow as well with the awful dialogue and failed build up.
Okay now i'm just rambling lmao, but seriously thank you for your presence in the fandom, your love for eren, may your interest in snk die down but your love for eren not and your theories and analysis they are so good! It was so cool to see your title going from drowning in disappointment to your current one seeing as you start to put snk aside in your life and moving on in life lmao i dont know why im so proud. But yeah, thank you and have a great day!
Hey, sorry for the late response. Adult life is really draining and I keep putting off stuff because of it.
Thank you so much for the kind words. It’s always heartwarming to hear that at least my unnecessary dedication to this series benefited some people out there.
Regarding Ymir, I wouldn’t have minded the reasoning being her “love” for Fritz if it was handled properly. As in, she realizes that her “love” for him was actually a byproduct of the abuse and brainwashing she endured after someone (Eren) finally validates her feelings, which is what naive old me thought the story was going for when her backstory was first revealed. Of course, the ending just contradicted that by indicating she’s a parallel to M instead (or scarf girl as you called her 😂), whose feelings for Eren are portrayed as “true love” (🤮).
To answer your question though, even if Ymir’s reasoning had been “love” in the context discussed above (i.e. byproduct of abuse), it still would have been linked to her sense of purpose. Because really, all she would have actually wanted in this case would have been for someone to acknowledge her as a person. To me though, it looked like she gave that hope up when she saw Fritz’ reaction to her death, even after everything she did for him, and she regressed back to believing that her life’s purpose is to be a slave. Remember, she was abused pretty much her whole life. But alas, my original take on this is irrelevant anyways since Isayama decided to be gross.
As for my relationship with Eren’s character, it has unfortunately been pretty damaged by the ending so I’m still struggling with figuring out how I feel about him. Like I don’t hate him, but I can’t connect to him like I used to because even if I recall the things about him that inspired me, I then remember how all of that was shat on by how out of character he behaves at the end. Having said that, my phone wallpaper is still a picture of him…
Overall though, I would say I’ve mostly moved on. I can go months without even thinking about the series, although it has been on my mind lately (contemplating rereading it just to prove to myself that my interpretation wasn’t crazy, but I also need to figure out what to do with all the manga volumes I bought) and if I think too deeply about it, I do get angry and worked up still over how it got ruined. But on most days, I barely have any energy to muster up a reaction when it crosses my mind. Or I just resort to my brain’s supply of imaginary fanfics where I delete M’s existence/rewrite the ending, and that’s pretty great.
Thanks again, and all the best to you as well ❤️.
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bullet-ant · 1 year
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im going to try to describe in as few words as i possibly can why i think i developed avoidant personality disorder and offer some insight into how it has affected me personally. (i apologize if its constructed messily Lol)
first, i am going to quickly describe a memory and discuss my dad because i think it gives some good backstory to the points im about to describe:
when i was five years old, i had just received some incredibly good news while i was at home with my father who had just got the news too
i was absolutely brimming with so much joy and love and adoration for my dad in that moment that i wanted to tell him i loved him. i knew better than to do so, because he would always withdraw and wretch at me when i did, but i was just so happy and full of love. i thought maybe, since the news was good, he wouldnt wretch at me for saying it this time, so i took the risk and said it. "i love you", saturated with pools and pools of my deepest love and affection for him—it came bursting out of my heart.
he did immediately proceed to wretch at me, right in my face, and the joy and love i felt was instantaneously extinguished. suddenly i no longer cared about the good news. i never said those words to anyone ever again (even to this day as an adult i have not uttered that phrase to anyone since LOL). from this, i internalized my fathers disgust for me—for my identity—as something inherently wrong and gross with me at my core.
this was just one memory of thousands. my dad humiliated and degraded me in millions of other ways my entire childhood—it was chronic—and he let me know everyday that i was unloved.
every time i made the mistake of expressing myself in front of him he would reject me, so i put myself on lockdown and learned not to give anyone anything to humiliate or degrade or reject me with. if i give my dad nothing—if i express no feeling—hell, if i just turn all my feelings off—then i'll never experience the urge to express myself, and therefore will never experience the rejection that i know is imminent.
i perceive everything as though its an attack on my identity because that is all i ever knew. being myself never once yielded me love—it only ever yielded certain rejection and subsequently utter humiliation. in everyone i see daily reminders of who i was to my dad—cringeworthy, disgusting, shameful, humiliating, and most importantly, unlovable.
there was a certain point where i decided that, if that was how everyone was going to see me, it wasnt worth being seen at all. i decided that the only person worthy of knowing me was me. i shut down and split myself into two selves. my "false self"—whose job it is to handle all people-related dealings and guard the "true self"—the version of me that is really me.
when i am acting as the "false self", i am anhedonic. i struggle with the flat effect and to put the correct facial expressions on my face at the right times. the false self is mild, phony, and unfeeling. her job is to nod her head and always say all the right things without ever having to say too much; she says just enough to get people off my back. i am always acting as the false self so long as i am around another person—be it my family, friends, coworkers, etc. It is impossible for me to trust or even love anybody no matter how "close" they are to me because I am burdened with the knowledge that none of these people could ever truly love me back. they can (and will) reject me at any moment i let my guard down.
i often have a tendency to aggressively lash out at everyone because by default i assume their primary objective in trying to know me is just to reject (and further humiliate) me. obviously this is a problematic behavior, and it only serves to make me even less easy to love while also driving more and more people out of my life
when i expressed to my father that i loved him and he rejected me, humiliation and rejection became a trigger for me. nobody likes rejection—this is true—but i dont like rejection because i experienced it chronically, every waking day of my childhood. that is much different from someone who only experienced the normal amount of rejection on occasion or every so often. when rejection is chronic, it becomes impossible to separate it from who you are. it will make you feel as though you are on fire—i believe it's why avoidants fear it so viscerally
these are just a few of my thoughts; if you read this far thank you!!! please feel welcome to add your own insights or ideas (if any). this disorder is a massive iceberg, this post cant even begin to cover every way it has degraded the quality of my life. if you have any your own thoughts dont be afraid to share them👋
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a-kaash-me-outside · 1 year
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okay Tori, im giving you a LONG feedback for this B2B update coz y'know, you deserve it ♡
NOT FAIR LAST CHAP IS INSANE
and UGH idk how to put it in words just to describe it. the first part (the walk back to Kei's house) has kept me so conflicted like I can feel the uneasiness like how it was depicted. 👏 the confidence on the last chap was eased perfectly in this chap as Kei turned the tables, it was amazing. he was idk more forceful, more condescending, just to let reader feel that he was in control again and it has to be that way, and she was comfortable in that. "God you could barely handle a few hours of what I have to do for you every single day." YES KEI, YES!! DOMINATE ME! "I want you to watch me fuck you." IM ROLLING ON THE BED OMG and more, omg in the line as Kei continued. the whole scene was fantastic Tori. i mean, where'd you get these hot ideas and scenes?? And Kei reading reader like a book, knowing she likes it like that OMG THE SMIRK OF THAT HOT FCK okay im gonna stop okay wait no Kei pressing reader's back to his chest while fcking was so HOT i had to read it again to satisfy myself of that scene until okay i've read enough. aaahhh, the way the aftercare and confession about how she feels took place, HEARTS EVERYWHERE. and the FUCK the gentle sex after the very rough sex was amazing it melted me!! "you know I'll do anything for you right?" uhhhh my hearttttt. it took me back to the first chap where the reader begged for Kei to fuck her and make her cum. she was in control the whole time, we we're so lost in Kei dominating butー HANDS DOWN TORI!! and i wanna add..... HOW ABOUT TADASHI? i mean, no epilogue? like he got back on his own feet and took Kei's lessons into practice with any other girls. HAHAHA it'll be hilarious, it's already hilarious to imagine. "Thanks, Kei. I owe this to you and to my ex." LMAO.
TWRT Maki backstory is comforting and disturbing for some reason
can i include myself with those Maki bitches? because honestly, I AM. Sorry 'Tsumu, but my heart's 60% Maki.
so, I was expecting it will be a Maki POV kind of thing but this also works pretty well too. Hanamaki, my love, is so over-the-top loverboy that every girl deserves. Oh praises everywhere and out I'm inlove with him, he'll never fail to make you feel comfortable. maybe because the relationship foundation has enough stability that it did work out to evolve into a gf-bf relationship. i really love platonic love because you can never be wrong with it, even if it evolves to something like that so casually. and it was amazing Tori, it broke me maybe too much more if I didn't know they'll break up eventually. Reader handled it perfectly HANDS DOWN that scene when Maki asked her to put a label on her: girlfriend. LMAO the rebound thing with Iwa was hilarious!!! The read was too relaxing AND NGL, i was expecting a hard break up but like the casual evolution of their relationship, it broke up cleanly too like: WTF WHY YOU TEACHING ME THAT THERE IS SOMETHING LIKE THIS THAT COULD HAPPEN IM NOT ACCUSTOMED BY THIS, IS LOVE LIKE THIS, THERE'S REALLY A LOVE LIKE THIS!? like that. TBH, i really feel uncomfortable because I really wanted him to end up with reader and I can't think of how pain will reside in him when Atsumu gets the one thing that is very precious to him. Maybe it'll break me if I'll read the Maki alternate ending. omg, I'm shaking 🥺 I wish mine broke cleanly like this. and I know, after this, Maki will never move on from herーor not, what do you think Tori? Is he gonna move on from her? but dont spoil LOL I wanna excite myself!! Oh the heartbreak my God.
THANK YOU TORI, THANKS FOR THIS. IM WAITING FOR THE NEXT WAKING DAY TO HAVE THE B2B ENDINGS. I LOVE YOU! ♡
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this is me right now contemplating what to feel.
PAH OMG OMG. thank you so much for these in-depth thoughts i love them omg omgogmogmgmo. hehehehe. i love love love the last chapter of not fair! i think it refocused on reader and tsukishima rather than tadashi which was the VIBE and just focuses on the love between them and how their relationship has evolved. <3 (also, i come up with these scenes because i am a horny bitch that's it)
AND AH YEA. the whole point of posting the maki chapter was in PREP for tonight where i hope everyone loves the last chapter and ALSO the maki chapter hahahahaha.
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lion-buddy · 2 years
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(for the ask game) lady tamayo? always thought she had one of the cooler backstories
tamayo!!
First impression
"Ohhh. OHHH WHO IS THIS,,," <= is pretty much what said as we learned who she was. she is funky! mysterious!! i cant wait to see her again!
Impression now
pretty much the same as my first impression, i always liked tamayo! but i definitely like her a lot more now, even if i was a little disappointed we didnt get to see her a lot. Her whole thing with being a demon doctor that specializes in demon biology is so fascinating to me. i was hoping we'd learn some more about how demons work via her. aka i wish her abilities were utilized more, but thats just me.
Favorite moment
ooo hmm probably that scene where shes just, obliterating muzan with her words (and also physically too i guess sdfgh). seeing her take back power over him was very satisfying. i also love that one panel with her. uh this one:
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like that whole scene ur just sitting there like: “YESS TELL HIM OFF KILL HIM”. its just, very fun seeing a character, who has been portrayed as very quiet and somewhat dignified, doing a 180 and being a smartass. love that for her. 
Idea for a story
less of a story idea and more of a “that would have been neat to see” is how Kagaya knew tamayo? this may already be answered and i just, dont remember lol.  i think it could be really interesting, but i dont know enough abt Kagaya to really think of how any of that would go.
either that or how she met chachamaru. i think it would be nice
Unpopular opinion
uh. there really isnt a lot of content of her so! i feel like there isnt much opinion around her. idk
Favorite relationship
whatever shinobu and tamayo had going on when working together. i think its so funny that shinobu was not very happy with it at first but deal with it anyway. i would have love to have a scene that displays the awkward tension between them that probably would have been rampant at first. theyre lab buddies :DD
Favorite headcanon
oo i dont really have any headcanons for tamayo! but if i were to think of one itd probably be uhh
that little hairpin in her hair. that was a gift from yushiro. and i feel hed frequently gift her stuff that remind him of her. like little flower themed things :D
Ask Game
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