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streetlightsthatguideyouhome · 2 years

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Went down the rabbit hole and spent 2-3 hours reading what Wikipedia and the Internet has to say about Scientology.

On a purely academic side, lots of it brought back memories of my Religion & Secularism class in college. (What defines a religion? How do we reconcile the concepts of religious freedom, secularism, and plurality when they come into conflict? How do we respect and avoid discriminating against other religions that are not the majority/dominant religion when the value system and culture of said religion is inextricably embedded in secular culture in our society?)

I know, I know. I’m a wannabe academic & poser philosopher and nobody cares. I’m simultaneously ranting and failing to get to point. Blah. Blah. Blah.

HOWEVER

I couldn’t help but see this potential link:

Scientology’s increasing social and economic power in the ‘80s and ‘90s and their “war” on psychiatry/psychotherapy, particularly psychoactive medications.

The spread of mis/disinformation about ADHD and ADHD treatments (particularly stimulant medications).

Or: I’m just entertaining ideas of conspiracy theories here 🤷‍♀️😊🤣

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belokhvostikova · 11 months

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𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤: 𝐂𝐥𝐮𝐛 𝐏𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐬

𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬 | Following Friday’s events, Eddie Munson was on a mission to apologize to you, though everything fell short when your life began to crumble in a matter of hours.

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | Swearing, yelling, crying, self-deprecating thoughts, violence, experienced anxiety and panic attack, mentions of childhood abuse and neglect, and brief mentions of blood, body shaming, and non consensual touching.

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞 | For the sake of my sanity, I'm going to need all of you to ignore the blatantly unrealistic process of making a book in this story, lol. If there are any necessary warnings that were accidently left out, please feel free to let me know!

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 | One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six.

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐈𝐈. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤: 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡

Whatever mantra of the Munson Doctrine Eddie had been feeding himself to believe about the highest of the social hierarchy embedded within Hawkins High was really starting to fall short, specifically when your pretty face started monopolizing every one of his thoughts imaginable.

As much as he’d like to admit otherwise, Eddie Munson liked staring at your face, and it was really starting to piss him off just how much he really liked doing it. And the situation only became worse when he steadily watched your wonted bewitching smile fade into a disheartened look of dejection, because that following weekend after your impromptu photo shoot with Hellfire, became the worst week of your life.

And Eddie Munson watched it entirely unravel right in front of him.

It never really occurred to Eddie just how much he’d casually gawk at you prior to said photo shoot. I mean, you were the face of the school, of course, you were hard to miss when you practically lit up the halls with your smile. And that’s merely what Eddie had chalked it up to; your popularity involuntarily placed you at the forefront of his attention. It wasn’t the small strands of baby hairs that perfectly framed your face, whether you decided to keep your hair natural, or styled it for the fun of it; it wasn’t your enthralling eyes that seemed to almost squint close because your cheeks became so full of delight with your spellbinding laugh; and it definitely wasn’t your apologetic reassurance that everything was okay to the kid from the drama club who accidentally bumped into you, causing you to drop your books, and you gave Andy McAvoy a stern talking to when he tried to defend your honor with violence against the poor kid.

No, it was none of that that caught Eddie Munson’s attention to you (he forced himself to believe).

But now, things are different.

He’d actually gotten a chance to talk to you—yes, that cafeteria instance was the first time Eddie Munson had ever actually spoken to you, and he berated you with dehumanizing comments—and he blew it with his rash decision to automate you into a box of prissy cheerleaders that had nothing better to do than gossip with their friends- ah yes, that box, that was formulated by sexist losers who used it to justified their mean actions against innocent teenage girls. Oh, fuck, Eddie cringed to himself at the sudden self-realization.

He had to fix this. He didn’t even have to confess his feelings—which, he didn’t have *cough* *cough*—he just had to apologize for his mistakes. What he wanted to believe to be patronizing was actually sincere on your part, and you didn’t deserve any of his degrading tirade. And his conscience was letting it be known. Resuming the campaign had been a shit-show that Friday, when all he could focus on was your crying face. It became even worse when he realized that he’d never actually seen you drive—always painfully third-wheeling with Jason Carver and Chrissy Cunningham, or silently pleading to Patrick McKinney to control Andy McAvoy when he felt entitled to nonconsensually feel you up in his convertible when they drove you to school—meaning you were probably left crying alone at night waiting to be picked up, or worse, walking home. And you did it just for him. For his friends. To be included in some stupid fucking yearbook, because he made a big deal out of it in the first place.

Oh, shit, he was an awful fucking person, Eddie thought.

So, come Monday morning, he would apologize. He had all weekend to find the right words, rehearse his apology to perfection, and plan when to actually say it to you.

But Eddie Munson never got to correctly apologize to you on Monday.

Because aforementioned, Monday was the start of the worst week of your life, and he got scared and simply watched everything happen.

“No running in the halls, young lady.” Mr. Long sternly reminded, as you zoomed past him.

“Sorry, sir.” You weren’t sorry. The second he turned the corner, you picked up the pace and ran to the newspaper room, frantically attempting to shove the slender key into the slot with shaky hands.

Earlier on Saturday, the Yearbook Committee had worked to finish the final draft of the Hawkins High 1986 Yearbook, and with the team’s effort, you all concluded the first official copy that held the recognition of all staff and students intertwined with a school year’s worth of memorabilia, squished between the glossy green and orange cover that encapsulated Hawkins High.

And now, you were about to destroy it.

Sixty minutes. You had sixty minutes. You managed to wake up early that Monday morning, practically running to school, and situating yourself within the newspaper room—sweaty and exhausted—an hour early before the bell rang to commence the school day. In truth, you’d like to say you were a badass, and demolished the yearbook with no regrets, but reality had quite literally sucked, and you were panicking for a solid five minutes before you came to a consensus.

It had to be destroyed- well, not destroyed, just unbinded. God, you were such a dramatic coward.

See, that Saturday afternoon with the Yearbook Committee, you had done your part, you really did. You gathered photos, helped have them printed, assisted Nancy Wheeler with the placement of pages, and took over binding the book together when Fred Benson’s scrawny hands cramped into oblivion. You also may have—very discreetly—had Hellfire’s picture printed, created an entirely new page to fit them between the Glee and Math Club, and it was then you realized you didn’t even know half of their names. It had never occurred to you on Friday night that—with the exception of Eddie Munson, Lucas Sinclair, and Mike Wheeler—you never caught the names of the other four members, prompting you to lose precious time after having to locate their stupid names in the student registry for identification—they weren’t stupid, you were just really frustrated at that point.

And now, on this fine Monday morning, you persevered through blistering callouses, contracting muscles, and sore knuckles to unbind and bind back the yearbook with an additional page within the “Hawkins High’s Clubs” recognitional section.

Hellfire’s page.

And it was perfect.

The pages were still intact with their crisp stiffness of that of a newly unopened book, and you cleaned off any smudges that impaired the quality of work within the creation. You stood back. You couldn’t help the soft giggle that left your lips at the mere sight of Hellfire sticking out like a sore thumb against the formality of the other photos—in true Hellfire fashion. But there it was. Their title, their photo, and their names that gave them the minimal ask to simply be acknowledged in a school that consistently disregarded their beings, and you were happy they finally got it. They deserved it. Even if Friday’s event left you crying alone in your bed feeling awful. It was worth it. Your thumb gently caressed the smooth page of their photo—Eddie’s photo—and reminisced on that night.

Had you actually done something terrible? Was Eddie right to call you out on your actions? You certainly knew you hadn’t caused this entire commotion out of pitiness, though you understood where he may have interpreted it as such. I mean, even though you never did anything, your friends made his life a living hell, villainizing his differences, casting him as a danger to society, affecting his life beyond just a superficial high school social life. It was true torment.

You understood the facade which Eddie Munson had to put on to protect himself, but what you didn’t understand was the sudden shallowness that appeared when you thought you proved yourself to be more than just a ditzy cheerleader. Why were you even trying to prove yourself to some guy? Eddie Munson was an awful person. Right? He yelled at you, judged you, degraded you, and all for nothing- well, as far as you knew. So yeah, Eddie Munson was an awful person. You may have understood him, but he was still an asshole. You’d done your part, adding Hellfire to the yearbook, and that was that. That was all you needed to do. You no longer had to think about his stupid feelings, his stupid hair—which you totally didn’t want to run your hands through—his stupid brown eyes that made you shutter as they bore into yours, and his stupidly beautiful smile. You also kinda wondered how his hands might feel on your-

“What are you doing here?”

Jesus Christ, how long has Nancy Wheeler been standing there? You didn’t even hear the door open.

“Uh, um, j-just looking at the, uh, yearbook?” You mumbled. You wished you had better control over your facial expressions, because right now, Nancy Wheeler was eyeing the fuck out of your worried guise.

“You came to school early just to see the yearbook?” She questioned.

“W-well, yeah, I mean, isn’t that why you’re here early? …Right?” You prayed.

Nancy blinked. “Yeah, I guess, just had to make sure everything was correct before Fred takes it to make copies.”

“Oh, Fred’s here?” You piqued with interest.

Fred Benson didn’t actually pique your interest all too much—though, it was quite fascinating seeing how fast his slender fingers would cramp after just a couple minutes of working—but he did give the perfect escape from Nancy Wheeler’s captious glare.

“Uh, yeah, he’s out front waiting for the book-”

“I’ll hand it to him!” You interjected, watching her face scrunch with confusion. You could only awkwardly laugh, “You know me and Fred,” you zoomed right past her, “just always so, uh… tight.” And you left without further explanation.

Shoving Mr. Long’s word of chastisement right up his ass, you ran down the empty hall, yearbook held tightly in your tired hands, as you rejected any of Nancy’s calls for you to come back. Reaching the double glass doors, you spotted Fred mindlessly tweaking with his camera in the front seat of his car.

“Fred!” You could visibly make out the bewildered “huh” that fell from his gaping mouth from your sudden appearance. “Fred, here take this and go!” You shoved the yearbook past the small crack of his window.

“W-wait, didn’t Nancy want to che-”

“No, she sent me to give this to you!” You urged. “And she said go now, or else the copies won’t be done in time!” My god, the entirety of this situation had you lying more than you ever had in your life.

“But the distributors don’t close until six-”

“Fred, I don’t care!” You whined. “Do you really want to make Nancy upset?!” If your calculations were correct, Nancy Wheeler’s flats were currently speed walking—she was one to follow the rules—past Mrs. Durberry’s science classroom, meaning you had ten more seconds until she appeared.

“Well, n-no-”

“Then drive! Now, please!” He scrambled to turn his car on, and luckily, the old piece of junk managed to roar alive with a heavy blow of carbon dioxide, and you heaved watching Fred Benson skirt past the incoming wave of students on bikes and cars, leaving tire tracks on the cracked pavements. When he came back, you’d be sure to apologize for demanding him so aggressively.

Nancy Wheeler screamed your name.

Turning around, she came pummeling towards you with a might of pure irritation. “What the hell was that?! I didn’t even get to check the book!”

You huffed with exhaustion. It was only 8:18 a.m and it had already been a long day. “Nance, come on, I’ve been on the Yearbook Committee for the last three years, don’t you trust me by now?” Admittedly, guilting Nancy probably wasn’t the best option, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

“I don’t care how long you’ve been in the committee, I have the authority to make final calls, not you!” Gee, you really had an act for getting people to yell in your face. Were you actually the problem?

“Look, I understand, but I promise everything was perfect with the yearbook. I mean, come on, you saw the finished product on Saturday when we completed it.” You reasoned.

Nancy took a deep breath to regulate herself. “This is your only strike.” She pointed a finger at you like a child. “You pull something like this again, and you're off the committee. Understand?”

You swallowed thickly. The trouble you went through just for Eddie Munson- his friends. Just for his friends. “Yes, I understand.” You submitted quietly. “But I promise, the book was fine, everything is going to be perfectly okay.”

Everything was not perfectly okay.

Because unlike your little white lie of being “tight” with Fred Benson, he actually was with Nancy Wheeler, and, boy, did he rat you out when he paged through the printed copies of the yearbook and found the seven believed satanic cultists mischievously smiling right back at him, tainting the committee’s precious work.

It was in the midst of your A.P U.S History class when the staticy call of your name over the intercom interrupted Mr. Whitney’s lecture of the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution, and prompted you to the principal’s office at 10:57 a.m. Now, it wasn’t an unusual occurrence for Principal Higgins to often call you down as you were a valued student representative of Hawkins High, though you quickly knew your visitation had nothing in relation to an honor medal or scholarship award. No, it became quite evident that such subject matter was beyond any congratulations to you, because upon entering, you were faced with a choleric Nancy Wheeler, displeased Principal Higgins, and timid Fred Benson. You were fucking screwed, I mean, Principal Higgins quite literally had a yearbook in his hand. Crazy part of it all is that a good third of your being actually believed you may have gotten away with it, but they managed to find out in a matter of two fucking hours. Who were you kidding?

There was only so much nonchalant-ness you could mask, though your previous revelation of being unable to control your facial expressions was really biting you in the ass, and your insistent cracking under pressure was palpable.

Your wide eyes flashed between everyone as they stared you down. You didn’t speak. You couldn’t even manage to speak. And they didn’t speak. Why wasn’t anyone speaking?

“Aw, you miss me already, Higgy-”

Everyone’s attention snapped at Eddie’s sneering voice as he strutted his grand entrance, though he was quick to flinch back in surprise when he saw everyone looking at him. And you, shit you were here! You were here looking at him. He’d been searching for you all morning just to apologize, and now you were here… with everyone… why was everyone here?

“Now that I have everyone situated,” Principal Higgins cleared his throat, “I’d like to clear up a matter that has been brought to my attention. I’m sure as you all are well aware of, an unauthorized change has been made to our yearbook and I’m looking to get to the bottom of it.” Higgins turned to you, “Ms. Y/L/N,” he spoke with such care, “this is a safe place for honesty. Did Mr. Munson subject you into making these changes?” With a dramatic slam to his desk, the yearbook was turned open to showcase Hellfire’s designated spot on the page.

“What?!” Both you and Eddie questioned in unison.

“I didn’t “subject” her to shit!” He was quick to rightfully defend.

“Language!” Principal Higgins was even quicker to yell back.

The atmosphere was taut, and it felt like their judgmental stares were swallowing you into an endless blackhole of utter disappointment and failure. You couldn’t even muster up the courage to meet their gaze, simply staring at the old rug beneath your sneakers, wishing it’d come alive and consume you already.

“Ms. Y/L/N, is that true?” Principal Higgins lectured you.

A part of Eddie actually wished you would have lied and accused him of being the aggressor while you were the helpless victim, because that was the usual reality of Eddie Munson: to be denigrated. It would have justified his previous beratement against you from Friday, it would have supported his initial beliefs about you, it would have cleared him of being an asshole, and most of all, it would have changed the way he viewed you, from a genuinely beautiful person inside and out that took a sincere interest in bringing simple recognition to him and his friends to a cold-hearted superficial bitch that chalked up this elaborate plan as a vendetta with your jock friends.

But Eddie Munson knew you weren’t like that.

Which only made it hurt worse when he watched you pain through the sting of your manicured nails stabbing into your palms and your teeth sinking into your tender lip.

“Y-yes, that’s, uh, true, sir.” Your voice was so delicate, Eddie was ready to jump in and just take the blame. “He didn’t make me do anything, it was, uh, all me. I lied, and made him and his friends take the photo. And, well, I, uh, added the page and told Fred to print it.”

You shuddered at the sudden slap of the book, as Principal Higgins closed it with much despondency against you. “And is there valid reasoning as to why?!” Principal Higgins wasn’t one to be known for his placidness and he was quick to make that apparent. “You are the best student at this establishment, you should not be falling under influence of a hooligan like Mr. Munson! How have you fallen so naive all of a sudden?!”

You were really tugging on Eddie’s heart the way your eyes grew round with panic, completely helpless to the grown man scolding you, just as he did last Friday. And while he may have caused it the initial time, he’d be damned to watch it happen to you again.

“Hey, look, you can insult me all you want, but you don’t have to yell at her like she made some dire mistake!” Eddie lambasted Principal Higgins, far more harsh than any regular tone Eddie used when he was regularly being reprimanded.

Higgins could only scoff in disbelief. “Vandalizing school property isn’t a mistake to you, Mr. Munson?! Well, given your grotesque track record of uncivilized activities, it seems as though I’ve answered my own question!” He sneered back with intended offense.

“Please, ‘vandalizing school property?!’” Eddie mocked. “She fucking put our picture in the yearbook, and for good reason, too. You’re the one at fault here, excluding students from recognition!”

The thudding sound of your heartbeat was completely muting you from the onslaught of shouts that was suffocating you in the tight room. While Nancy Wheeler was beginning to contemplate if telling Principal Higgins was too far, Fred Benson was merely watching with joy that none of the blame was being casted on him, and you, well, your body was racking with stiffness, as it suddenly felt like your airway was tightening every breath out of you. Your hands began shaking by your side, unable to control the instantaneous wave of trepidation, as everything was beginning to blur around you.

And no one was noticing.

“I have rightful reasons to exclude your gang of misfits from my yearbook!” Principal Higgins walked from his desk, standing against Eddie with pure spite in his eyes. “You and your posse of cons and aberrations have done nothing but taint the reputation of our school and town, running around like imbeciles who have nothing better to do than waste their lives away! And I will not stand to have you be associated with the work I’ve done to correct this school from delinquents like yourself!”

Chest heaving and nostrils flared, the Eddie Munson from the cafeteria instance was back, though angrier, and he was two seconds from actually gaining an assault charge from hitting Principal Higgins square in the face. But the older man was quick to turn, and eject his dissonant castigate towards you.

“And you, missy!” Your eyes were blinking posthaste with fret to control the swell of tears that were burning your eyes, at the clashing outburst being directed against you. “How did you even gain the facilities to take such picture?!”

Your mouth was dry with consternation, unable to formulate words, and simply quivering your mouth open.

And unlucky for you, Fred Benson spoke for you.

“After our yearbook meeting on Friday,” heads snapped at his gravelly voice, “she said she was going to stay after to work, and that she would lock up herself. She must have taken the key, and stolen a camera.”

Higgins scoffed with great disgust as he judged you, before turning to Nancy. “Ms. Wheeler, as president of the Yearbook Committee, had you permitted her to do so?”

Nancy looked at you with guilt. She hadn’t anticipated the situation to blow up this much, though she spoke honestly to the authoritative eyes of Higgins. “Uh, no, I didn’t.” She meekly answered.

“And Mr. Munson,” Eddie rolled his eyes, trying to control his frustrations before doing something he wouldn’t be able to take back. “When did Ms. Y/L/N enforce these photos?”

“Why the hell does that even matter?” Eddie gritted with a clenched jaw of tension.

“Mr. Munson, you choose not to answer me, and I will not hesitate to place you as an accomplice, and you certainly cannot afford another detention or suspension if you’re planning on finally ending this school year as a graduate.” In a perfect world, Eddie Munson would have lied for you and lessened whatever punishment you were about to receive, but Hawkins, Indiana was far from perfect, the threat made him budge under the pressure of his potential future and your distraught eyes.

“It was, uh, after her cheer practice. After school.” He sheepishly murmured with regret.

“Ah,” Principal Higgins turned to your shaking stature. “So, not only did you make unauthorized changes to the school yearbook, but you stole school property, used our equipment prohibitively outside of school hours, and actively unsubordinated my authority. I have to say, I am awfully disappointed in the person you have become, Ms. Y/L/N, and I am ashamed to have valued you so highly when you simply choose to go down the path of delinquency.” Everything about Principal Higgins words were humiliating and slammed you into a vicious cycle of believing the worst about yourself. “Finish the rest of your day,” he sighed, “but you’ll be suspended for the rest of the week for your actions.” Your heart sank at his news, and Eddie stood dumbfounded that he contributed to it.

Your visions grew blurry under the swell of tears, and your breath was becoming sporadic with panic, and everyone just kept fucking staring at you. “N-no, sir, p-please!” You choked, “I-I have scholarships, a-and acceptances that I-I’m still waiting to hear back from, this could ruin that for me, p-please, sir!”

While your pleads were being disregarded, everyone stood stun watching your fate unfold in front of you. Eddie Munson didn’t know what to do. Nobody did. On top of being berated by him from Friday, you were now facing the worst possible consequence for something so trivial, and he watched it happen. Granted, there was quite literally nothing Eddie could do to fix the situation, but seeing you stand there, panicked about your future and trying to conceal your incoming sobs through the ache of heart palpitations, it was fucking excruciating for him to witness.

“You should have thought about that before you made your choices. Everything is on you.” His words were ringing in your ear like a loop confirming everything you’ve ever hated about yourself. “I’ll be sure to let your father know of the news, and as for your spot on the committee, it is up to Ms. Wheeler to determine where you stand. Now go, everyone back to class.”

Fred Benson was first to leave, giddy to have been cleared from any trouble. Eddie Munson should have left, but he couldn’t stand to leave, simply watching you turn to Nancy Wheeler in a flash. Your round eyes were pleading to her to let you stay, but her previous words of “This is your only strike,” was tormenting you. She sighed, “I’m sorry,” and the shake of her head answered everything before she could verbalize it.

You were off.

You stormed out of the room, bumping shoulders with Eddie, though with no malice intent, just simply needing to get out. The second you reached the clearing of the empty hall, your tears were drowning your cheeks, your sobs so unbearably hard your breathing staggered for release. Suddenly, your little cashmere sweater felt like it was sticking to your skin, giving you hot flashes that brought dizziness to your pounding head. The blood battering your ears cleared out any noise, including Eddie’s calls of your name. He reached out to hold your arm, causing you to severely flinch in hysteria, and he appeared devastatingly concerned for your state of being.

“Sorry! Ar-are you okay?” He winced at the loud sob you choked out, as he felt stupid for even asking you that question. “Look, everything, uh, everything’s gonna be fine.” He rushed to reassure. In truth, Eddie Munson was completely talking out of his ass, he didn’t know if everything was going to be fine, your panicking was just causing him to panic, and all he wanted was for you to be okay. “J-just, uh, breathe for me.” He offered.

“I-I c-can’t! I’m scared, Eddie, help me!” You pleaded with frightened eyes.

Your beg hit too close to home. Suddenly, Eddie was a little boy curled up in the corner of his trashed living room, as he watched his parents abuse one another with words and fists. He pleaded the same words to his parents, who merely ignored his shaking little body. Such horrific events disfigured Eddie Munson’s belief of healing. No one cared for his emotions, no one cared for his feelings, and no one cared to make sure he was okay. So, yes, Eddie Munson yelled at you Friday night because he was petrified. Petrified to be hurt, just as everyone else had done, because to Eddie Munson, that was his fate. To be hurt and to be forgotten. Maybe that’s why he cared so much about being excluded from the school yearbook. While anyone would have rightfully been upset, being excluded cemented the notion that Eddie Munson was disposable. His father spoke it, the townspeople spoke, his teachers spoke, and his peers spoke it. But you didn’t, and that fucking scared him. It’s why he yelled, it’s why he panicked, and it’s why he’d try anything to help you right now.

“I-I know, sweetheart, just listen to me, please.” He quietly spoke. “I’m not gonna touch you or anything, I just really need you to listen to me.”

You fervently nodded your head, and he sighed with relief, because though minor, it was progress, and progress was incredible.

“I, uh, I want you to focus on my voice, okay?” His wide eyes connected with your red ones. “I wouldn’t lie to you, and I mean it when I say everything will be okay. I-I’ll make sure of it.”

Could he physically do that? No. But would he try his damn hardest, putting his being through anything to make it happen? Yes. For you.

“Okay, I want you to-”

“What are you doing to her?!”

Eddie’s eyes screwed shut with disappointment.

Jessica fucking Lewis.

“Get away from her!” She charged past him to get to your hysterical figure. “Did you do something?!”

“No, no, I’m trying to fucking help her.” Eddie implored. “Stop yelling, she’s having a fucking panic attack.” He gritted through his teeth.

“Don’t fucking come near her ever again, you freak!” Eddie watched as you tried to get your words out, but your shrinking throat made it impossible to get your voice out, and he recoiled, watching the fear in your eyes as Jessica held a tight grip in your arms.

But before he could stop her, Jessica was dragging you into the girls bathroom, and he stood frozen doing everything in his power to not rip out his hair in frustration.

Aside from her fault-finding comments against Eddie, Jessica Lewis had actually been a fairly good friend to you through the years of cheer, connecting with the girls through the pact of lifelong sisterhood, as she insisted. Though such pact also came with unwarranted advice when she felt one of you was “falling out of line” with a pristine, perfect image. That being said, when she found you panicking at the hands of Eddie Munson, she was actually concerned, impetuous, yes, but concerned, nonetheless. She’d sat with you, decisively skipping the rest of Mrs. Otis’ home economics class, to console you, bitching out any innocent girl to leave as they attempted to alleviate themselves, while you sat heaving with the back of your thighs sticking to cold tiles of the bathroom. When you did finally manage to catch your breath and calm your heart rate to a healthy status, Jessica had petted your hair with care, constantly asking what was wrong and what Eddie had done. Through your tremored voice, you hoarsely clarified that “He didn’t do anything,” and “He was just trying to help.” That revelation had actually baffled Jessica Lewis, honestly, some part of her believing you to be lying, but she gave it a rest when you assiduously shook your head in response to her asking what was actually wrong. By then, the bell had rung to signal the start of third period.

And it was during said third period when your situation only worsened completely unbeknownst to you.

While you were in the middle of trying to focus on your quiz—which proved damn near impossible after today’s events—Fred Benson was seemingly trying to get back at you for nearly inducing him into a heart attack after your actions almost cost him his spot on the Newspaper and Yearbook Committee (In reality, Nancy Wheeler had only yelled at him for not previously checking the books).

See, once Fred had informed the rest of the Yearbook Committee of what you had done and how you were being punished, the news had spread like wildfire; nerds, geeks, punks, jocks, everyone knew one version or another. “Perfect Cheerleader Falls Under Satanic Cultist’s Influence and Vandalizes School Facilities,'' small town high school students sure had a talent to dramatize any given situation. You’d only taken a picture, that’s all it was, but the students of Hawkins High had conspired together to formulate you into a freak slut who allegedly got fucked by the Eddie Munson after cheer practice in exchange for putting his club in the yearbook.

As the students of your class hurtled to mitigate the dreaded boredom of the school day with the clashing laughter and stale food of lunch, you sighed in your seat, head pounded and anxiety still churning in your mind and stomach, slowly packing up your belongings before handing over the quiz—quite literally the worst you’ve ever performed on one. Lunch seemed like the worst possible thing to conquer, right now. Despite the horrid grumbling of your stomach, you felt no need to satiate that hunger, as your appetite was long gone for the afternoon. In addition, you’d known Jessica Lewis long enough to know that she had informed all your friends of your panic attack, and if you chose to call her out on it, you knew you would only be met with a “I’m only trying to help,” as if you needed an intervention. She’d done it to Paige Semore when the girl healthy gained a couple pounds over the summer and got ridiculed by Jess.

But when you entered the cafeteria, you quickly wished you were subjected to Jessica Lewis’ harmful “advice”, rather than the reality you got.

The sound of the heavy double doors announced your arrival, and suddenly all eyes were on you. No, like quite literally, all eyes were on you. No greeting smiles from acquaintances, no shying-away looks from crushing students, no bright wave hello from Chrissy Cunningham from across the cafeteria, in fact, she was heavily avoiding you, seemingly finding the table more interesting as Jason Carver glared at you. Everyone was staring at you as if, without notice, you had become the town pariah. Because you had. Your perturbation had bombarded you like a missile hit, as quiet whispers flooded your senses. Peering around you caught his eyeline. Eddie. His brows had severely been furrowed with much worry, because he knew. He knew how quickly it went around, and he knew just how bad the news got twisted. Now, he was no stranger to the onslaught of destructive rumors, but you weren’t, and with the day you had, his chest was pounding with dread for you.

Chalking it up to merely being in your head, you swallowed the lump in your throat, and with quick steps, you sped to your usual lunch table. But everyone kept staring- your friends were staring. “Can someone tell me what the hell is going on?” You whispered, as they genuinely looked at you with disgust.

“Why don’t you tell us?” Jason scowled. “Seems like you’re the one who caused all of this, you desperate slut.”

Your mouth dropped incredulously. “What did you just call me?”

“You fucking heard me!” Jason stood from his chair, rejecting Chrissy’s quiet ask to not cause a scene. “It’s exactly what you are.” He laughed.

Eddie Munson’s residual anger was fueling. Hard. He stood from his chair all the way across the room, metal legs scraping the floor with a deafening screech. But his presence only caught the worst attention. “Oh, would you look at that? Your little freak coming to help you?”

Eddie faltered at your watery eyes, begging for everything to just stop. If he spoke, nothing would help you. “What are you talking about?” Your voice stung with pleads to just understand what was happening to you.

“Stop acting like you don’t fucking know!” Andy’s booming voice startled you. “You wanna choose some gross freak to fuck, then fine by us, go right ahead, but don’t think that you’ll be able to with us!” Andy McAvoy was taking it far more personal. He liked you. That was obvious. But hearing the rumors simply led him to believe you chose Eddie Munson over him.

“What?” Your voice cracked in distress.

Eddie had had enough.

“She didn’t fucking do anything!” He marched his way over. All the boys of the basketball team stood in preparation for a fight that Eddie Munson was known to love to finish. Finish, not start. “Your bland lives got that fucking boring you all have to go around making shit up to make things interesting?! She didn’t do anything!”

“Aw, defending your precious little fuck toy, isn’t that cu-”

Chrissy Cunningham's shrilling scream startled the entire cafeteria as Jason Carver’s blood stained her powdery skin. You flinched at the bone-crunching punch that busted Jason’s pretty face, and everything felt heavy in your chest. Your hands were beginning to shake beyond your control, as everything was horrifyingly disfiguring in front of you. It was happening again. Before your mind was about to shut off from the assault of today’s events, your instinct had elicited all rash decisions, and you had to leave. All you could comprehend was the diffusing sounds of students instigating the fight before everything fell silent and you trudged down the hall to escape.

Staff were quick to call Eddie’s name before another detrimental hit was casted upon Jason. It was only then, Eddie’s judgment was left unclouded, and he noticed you were gone. “Did she leave?” He hadn’t necessarily asked anyone in particular, moreso questioning himself, but Chrissy Cunningham had ardently answered him with a swift nod of her head and bulging eyes of fear.

Eddie broke through the doors with force, catching you near the end of the hall. “Y/N!” You didn’t turn, though. Every repeated call of your name fell with no response, and he chased you down, following you into the zephyr of the afternoon weather outside. “Y/N, c’mon, wait!” He’d grabbed your arm.

“What?!”

Eddie staggered at your biting tone. Not once, in the four years he’d known of you—freshman to senior year—had he ever heard your voice so malicious, yet drowning in urgence to make everything stop. Your inconsolable state devastating him helplessly.

“I-I’m sorry.” He sighed so softly.

“‘Sorry?’” You affronted. “Now you’re sorry?! After everything that’s happened! Why, is it out of fucking pity?!” Internally, Eddie was begging you to stop, because if you kept yelling at him like this, his defense mechanism was going to lash out, especially when he was already angry from everything that’s just happened. “I don’t want some stupid apology, not when every time you appear, my life gets worse! I just want you away!” You cried.

Eddie scoffed in disbelief. Were you actually blaming him for all this? No, you weren’t. But after the day you just had, you were not looking to be comforted by someone who partially hurt you. But Eddie Munson couldn’t understand. His judgment had a habit of being clouded; his cynicism about anything good happening to him had protected him from a lifetime of hurt, and now, unfortunately, your rightfully pent up polemic about him was believing his suspicions to be true.

“This isn’t my fucking fault, you’re the one who wanted to take our picture in the first place!” He shouted, shielding his vulnerability.

“Because you made a big deal out of it!” You screamed with frustration. “You yelled at me first, you said mean things to me first- why- why were you so mean to me?!” You blubbered through drowning tears.

“Because- be- ugh,” Eddie pained with vexation. “You fucking terrify me, okay?! You terrify the living shit out of me!” Guarding his tearing eyes from your shattered being, he groaned realizing you weren’t going to understand unless he opened up, but he couldn’t bear to, and maybe that was the best solution to move on, run away. “It’s just fucking hard when, you know, you look like that and you’re fucking you, and I’m just me, and you have a great life-”

“‘Great life?!’” You derided through tears. “You know nothing about my life!” You shoved him. “You know nothing about me!” You shoved him again. Eddie was quick to retrain your wrist in a tight grip, preventing you from touching him again, no matter how hard you tried. “Stop acting like you know everything about me when you know absolutely nothing! I’m not going to stand here, and let you say mean things to me, when you know nothing, do you understand?! I have never done anything to you, and I never will, because unlike you, I’m not some sulking asshole who can’t handle their fucking emotions, and uses their sorry life to lash out at people because they’re too pathetic to deal with their own problems!”

And maybe your rash psycho analysis of Eddie Munson was too much, or not harsh enough, but either way, your critical comments derailed him off the edge of sanity. He aggressively dropped your wrist, and got into your face with a full might of fury. “You are such a miserable bitch!” He shouted, invading your space with intent, causing you to wince and step away from him, but he wasn’t relenting. “For once, you got a fucking taste of what your bullshit friends have been doing to me, and now you can’t fucking handle it?! God, just love playing the fucking victim, don’t you?! Maybe they are right, maybe you are just some fucking desperate slut craving fucking attention?! Is that why you did all this shit in the first place?!”

The way your face flashed with sudden dejection had him biting his tongue. Oh, fuck. He regretted it. He fucking immediately regretted it.

Eddie began furiously shaking his head in denial to what he just uttered, he couldn’t believe it. “No,” he heaved out. “No, I-I didn’t mean it, I’m s-sorry.” He could only muster a whisper.

You didn’t even have the energy to fight back, merely accepting his words as truth with a silent sob that burned your being. “Yeah,” you shakily sighed with a sniffle of sobs. “I’m sorry, too, Eddie. I would have loved being your friend, and now I just want nothing to do with you.” His heart dropped at your calmness. When he first spoke those words to you, demanding you to stay away from him and his friends, he knew a deep part of him didn’t mean it. Why would he, you were fucking perfect? But you, the stillness and tranquility of your words cemented them to be the final verdict. You were done. “So please,” you wiped your drenched face from tears, “just leave me alone and stay away from me.”

No malice, no anger, no fury.

Just pure defeat.

𝐓𝐚𝐠 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭 | This is my first time making a tag list, and I got overwhelmed—in a good way—that I simply tagged anyone who commented. If you were not looking to be tagged, I’m so sincerely sorry, and please let me know to respect your wishes and remove you!

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(I’m so sorry, some blogs are not popping up when I try to tag y’all, if it’s an issue on my part, I’ll try my best to fix it as soon as possible)

#stranger things #eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson angst #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson oneshot #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fluff #mean!eddie munson #the yearbook: club pictures

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horizon-verizon · 4 months

Note

Viserys loved Alicent more than he ever loved Aemma. He loved her so much that he always saw the best of her. Offended Corlys Velaryon, the wealthiest man in the Seven Kingdoms, in order to marry her. Closed his eyes when Alicent abused and mocked his “favorite child”, and spread destructive rumours about her. Viserys clearly states in F&B he married once for duty so with Alicent he would marry for love. Alicent was the love of his life, otherwise she wouldn’t have been able to get away with going openly against her husband’s heir.

*EDITED POST* (4/13/24)

Response to this post? Or more likely this one by lady-corinne I reblogged.

Yes and no, he seemed to love her, but I don't know about it being the pure & unbending sort of love and favor you're trying to make it be. a lot of this will be diving into his head.

Yes, Alicent is described as a "lovely" and "clever" girl at 18, committed to the Faith, and could be actually funny without meaning to be if it weren't unfortunately applied in sexist or cruel jabs--she definitely has her merits that would be considered desirable in this social landscape and outside of such conditions. To some people. Yes, his marriage to Aemma was arranged while he chose Alicent.

But I think you're forgetting that this is a man who is both invested in not being the one to muck up the trend of Targ prosperity after his grandfather ushered it in while being better suited to being just a normal prince but refusing to really fix the mistakes or put his foot down when he really needed to, or choosing to be stubborn about the wrong things (Rhaenyra's marriage)

AND:

he saw through her attempts to get Rhaenyra & Aegon to marry, so he wasn't willing to compromise Rhaenyra's claim for her pleasure nor her & the Hightowers' ambitions…and Alicent's ambitions are pretty much her first priority, aside from her kids' lives --- he dismisses her father when Otto persists in trying to get him to name Aegon as his heir, and with Alicent having been doing the same, he knew she'd be upset by that -- this was him protecting Rhaenyra's rights and not giving in to his wife's desires…so…

he went on impregnating both woman several times, by quick succession. He actually treats Alicent similarly to Aemma in this way. It's just that Alicent was older and "fertile" to be lucky enough to not die.

despite being the daughter of the 2nd son, Alicent's family is also very rich and influential, and the Hightowers have the cultural prestige of being those who "patronise" the Citadel, as well as their historical connections to the Faith (some members became High Septons)...the Hightowers still stood to gain more prestige on the advent of one of their own rising to become Queen Consort, esp when she is a closer relation to the lord--being his niece and the Hand his brother--vice versa, the Hightowers could have supplied a sizeable number of soldiers and supplies to Viserys and did for the greens during the war through said influence and power, esp getting their smaller bannerman Reachmen houses to join. More money and preventing bad relations/a possible rivalry with such a strong house. Useful ally/alliance.

The Faith has a pull on the minds and hearts of the overall populace, noble or common, too. With Alicent's family neck deep in the Faith PLUS the Targs already having dodgy relations with the Faith even w/the Doctrine bc incest=bad in the Faith religion, it's very possible that Viserys saw an opportunity in marrying Alicent to appease AND solidify Faith-adherents' loyalty to the Targ dynasty through such a marriage. Of course, ambition or politics don't always discount true affection of love, but Alicent likely wasn't just chosen for her beauty or how well they clicked.

Alicent was chosen under the pressures of his daughter being his only heir and wanting to allay/appease his council and the realm's concern with "backup" children. In a way, he felt his options were more limited.

Alicent was 18 to Laena's 12 at the time of the considering who'd he marry (after having impregnated his 13 yr old 1st wife and finally losing her to childbirth bc her body simply gave out from multiple failed pregnancies and harsh deliveries, he'd probably want to avoid both the pressures of impregnating another girl towards her death even if her parent gave the go-ahead AND the putting himself into that sort of situation of guilt and reliving those bad memories?) It's possible that Viserys saw in Alicent an opportunity to enjoy his own sexual pleasure and sexuality without worrying too much about potentially killing his bride, esp after their first two kids. How much that could that affect or twist one's affections for another person, idk.

What Viserys really did was to try to maintain a balance between his wife & his daughter, because he just inherently hated conflicts, had already married Alicent (so he didn't know she'd be so persistent), loved her AND Rhaenyra was his miracle child from the woman he probably feels very guilty about:

[A Question of Succession]:

Rhaenyra was both his first child AND the only child to survive from his first marriage. She "made" him a father by surviving. She came from the marriage that made him into a husband. And evidenced by the text [in section B], the trio's life together was very happy despite the pressure of the heir-making and grief when others died. Which is part of why Rhaenyra is, in the narrative sense, called the "Realm's Delight": if the monarch is happy, usually they're performing better but also her existence in the overall narrative of the Targ succession could have been seen as suggestive of the dynasty not dying out to those in-world. Like she's "proof" of that.

However, AllegedlyLola on TikTok exolains how he really pedestalizes Aemma when they talke about HotD!Viserys (much can the same shoudl be said for his book version):

he says he loved Aemma, that he will always love her, etc. and pedestalizes Aemma to the degree that Rhaenrya could never be Baelon, her siblings can never be her, and all to never really give us a real picture of who Aemma was so he does not have to divulge how some of his actions have ruined Aemma's life. Helaena not having kids or at least stop having them before Rhaenrya becomes Queen/he dies would have even helped Rhaenyra...smh. He doesn't ever think to not let his daughter Helaena marry at 13 & have TWINS not long after (as Aemma died in part bc she started having children WAY too early after they consummated their marriage); he forces his daughter to marry Laenor to fix a problem he created instead of actually thinking about what would be better for her claim and position--which is not to marry a gay man!, esp when everyone knows he is gay; I mention Alicent already...this is the same guy who marries a 15 year old but gets angry with Daemon for seducing his 19 year old daughter and saying she is just a "girl"...bro...Add on the fact he allowed a faction against his heir and be lead by his second obviously hostile Hand & wife exist in court instead of properly intervening and diminishing Otto and Alicent's influence over Rhaenrya so she wouldn't have to escape to Dragonstone...no self reflection, just constant deflection, ignoring, placating the wrong people, putting his foot down at the wrong moments, not pursuing certain avenues or voids of information like in the Vhagar claim incident AND allowed the same thing that happens to his first wife happen to his next wife and his two daughters...ugh.

With all this, he maybe felt that his status, position, and elevating Alicent to Queen Consort was enough to carry their relationship and any romantic bond they had. But it's also not likely he'd be totally self-blind (just denying to himself) to the possibility that her admiration & attraction partially came from those things. He's king after all, and apparently, it's a dream for noble girls to become a Queen. So while it's more than likely that he loved Alicent, it's negligible.

Unfortunately for him, he didn't count for a wife who was so traditional and ruthless (the last is a compliment on its own, but combined with the first, ew) , one who seemed to have a strong will of her own.

So it's not that he loved Alicent, he just wanted his cake and eat it, too. Be seen and perceived as a good king, maintain the leftover wealth & picture of generosity/prosperity and "wisdom" Jaehaerys basically left for him, while he really didn't know what to do with his own family and emotions half the time because he never accepted and took responsibility for how he contributed to Aemma's death by continuing to impregnate her (book & show) AND then cutting her open without her consent or informing to extract the son he put above all logic or sense. By doing too much appeasing to get people to like him or feel they have an "in" with him (which people like him can mistake as "liking" or respect) while isolating those who could have only made him stronger through honest loyalty and candor, telling him like it is while keeping that measure of observation (talking about not just Rhaenyra but Dameon here). But Viserys never wanted honesty! He wanted the fantasy of power.

People assume that Viserys didn't love Aemma or loved her less because he impregnated her way too young and way too many times. And because we don't get the word "love" between them. And because they believe that there had to be some truth in the rumors of Alicent hanging around Viserys before Aemma died, thus clueing in on the possibility that he wasn't so devoted to Aemma as to be taken in by Alicent while she was literally suffering. All of these are valid deductions.

However, as I will argue, I think that it wasn't so much a matter of love for love's sake as he could "start over" & not have to be encumbered by the worries of a too-young wife's ability to survive pregnancy & childbirth. Of course, he'd have some attraction in the beginning, but the anticipated relief would be a great motivator towards Alicent.

Plus, the impression R&B gives us of his life with Aemma and Rhaenyra was a very happy one, despite the pressure of producing an heir.

[A Question of Succession]:

You: "Offended Corlys Velaryon, the wealthiest man in the Seven Kingdoms, in order to marry her."

As for Corlys Velaryon, again, I think that he was banking on their closer blood ties, crossed lineage, shared historical heritage, & his own position as Corlys' king/superior to deter Corlys from really opposing him or being a huge problem. Which, ironically, he was correct about...if that was his thought process. again, we don't know.

Though Corlys was obviously upset and it did sour their relations, there wasn't really a real danger of Corlys openly rebelling, esp with the possibility that Rhaenys (a Targaryen princess who still values her maiden family but also would be thinking how young their kids are and how meaninglessly destructive such a thing would be for everyone involved [her discouraging war in HotD doesn't make sense though, bc the greens were always hellbent on war 7 they were the ones looking for it AND Aegon truly stole the throne, whereas Viserys is free-er tomarry whoever he wishes]) was at his ear discouraging him from that. Corlys was not losing anything material or essential thing here, a need, when Viserys denied marrying Laena.

To me, Viserys considered for a long time marrying off Rhaenyra to Corlys' Laenor at least in the smallest part of his mind and it didn't become a solid intentional thought until Rhaenyra got older. He sent her off on that faux kinds but not really suitor tour (kind not really bc its not like it is in HotD), and whatever incident with Dameon happened convinced him to finally force her to marry Laenor. Oh look, how convenient for him that it also retied Corlys to them after his own decision to not marry Laena...

Though I do feel almost bad for Viserys here. On the one hand, it's politically advantageous to marry the daughter of the man who has a fleet of ships to his name AND that girl being the daughter of a dragonriding mother [assurance that the kids would also be riders]. But the gir is 12 & he'd have to wait to consummate and impregnate her...and clock's ticking. Plus she's a child even to them. And if he had married Laena, there's no way Corlys would have kept quiet or not pressed even harder for Laena's son to be named Viserys' heir, and if Viserys insisted they'd probably have the Dance earlier. Or just a war without dragons. On the other hand, Alicent is much older BUT she comes from the Tower and was very adamant about "males-first" primogeniture...still, he couldn't have had his own official tour?

But then I remember his refusal to really have accountability while having the audacity to direct his own daughter and heir into a more vulnerable position...

You: "Closed his eyes when Alicent abused and mocked his “favorite child”, and spread destructive rumours about her."

Again, he saw through his intentions about the marriage at least, and we see his intention is to not encourage the thing Alicent wants most: Aegon's being named heir or having most of the power.

["A Question of Succession]:

Thus showing he had a kernel but very real and substantial kernel of distrust of Alicent that existed & grew before that moment.

.........

Option ONE: It's coul be more don't think that Viserys actually was aware of how deep Alicent's hatred for Rhaenyra ran or that the rumors either existed or that Alicent was the source, acting with malicious intent, because:

Alicent's faith devotion can lend the idea of her being morally righteous or at least "conscientious" of duty and giving "respect" to the hierarchy and her spreading those rumors to deliberately harm Rhaenyra, her stepdaughter, is too direct and contradictory to his explicit will for Rhaenyra to become his heir -- would Alicent really dare to hate his kid? He'd probs fool himself.

AND he likely believed that Alicent wasn't ruthless or daring enough to actually try to kill or seriously harm Rhaenyra after he died, because he would think Alicent valued her kids' sibling relationship w/Rhaenyra above her own want for power AND the socio-religious taboo against kinslaying, besides thinking/hoping she would love his memory enough to not do so

OR especially with how he and Daemon were relatively close after the loss of Baelon, he banked on the assumption that family would eventually come first. Again, that passive deterrent pattern.

Option TWO: Or/and it was way too late for him to have take-backsies or regret marrying Alicent. Sure he could put aside Alicent, kings can do that and have. Except then he'd offend the Hightowers and the Faith worse than anything he could have the Velaryons or Corlys. Again, the Faith-Hightower ties. Huge scandal and a mark against his house/his own reputation. He'd want to avoid all that. And he'd be endangering his "investment" in putting Alicent aside. Plus, they already had kids Alicent/Otto/the Hightowers could use, so Viserys may have "decided" on continuous "damage control", as he tried by making his youngest son Daeron and Jace have the same wetnurse and force his sons and grandsons to be in the same room together as to improve their relationships...which we know actually just made things worse. and again, I think he was hoping/"sure" that Alicent wouldn't bar Rhaenyra from her ascendance.

In response to Jaehaerys being known as the conciliator and managing to keep the dynasty on "track" for a long time, Viserys though that it is enough to appease by putting out an image of generosity (prosperity) and showing himself as actively listening to his councilors, letting them win the most battle of wills so they feel as if he's not a force they need to "put down" or rebel against. But Viserys unfortunately didn't seem to inherit a steady will.

So he does what he usually does when the politics have gone awry & off-balance for him--he instead tries to get the two women he loves to reconcile while not addressing the true meat of the issue or closing his eyes to deny the reality. And I can't totally blame him like I feel I can do with Jaehaerys or Aenys, he inherited the amplified issues with the Faith or/and primogeniture they created or perpetuated.

[HEADCANON TERRITORY] If we really want to get dark, maybe in his subconscious he's trying to avoid that case where he'd have to reconcile himself with the fact that his wife continued to put power before him or didn't leaned away from his hopes for a devoted partner -- that he brought that in. Viserys is the sort of person--ruler?--who finds comfort in denial more than facing the facts or exploring his options when he's out of his depth, which is why he's so obviously different from Daemon, why they don't really agree a lot of the time even though they love each other. Perhaps the feasts and dances were his way of distraction AND a way he could enjoy his family's company without having politics color his relationships.

While it's still very possible he continued to love Alicent and/or look to her for companionship, it's also inevitable that all this put a strain on their relationship that would only get worse (evidenced by Alicent deliberately and ruthlessly leaving out his body to rot for days to plan against Rhaenyra). Before then, he likely would have sensed that shift and can we really say that he felt all that pleasant towards her for us to think their/his love survived that strain when they got together in conditions where Alicent became more invested in the relationship more for the politics and status (an assumption I know and even if true, it isn't bad. But doesn't match his own entirely) and when her desire to have Aegon on the throne was denied, things irrevocably soured for them?

I feel that for Viserys to love someone, he needs to observe that they desire or approve of his presence. Otherwise, his interest or love starts to die. Or maybe not--maybe he clings? But who knows, I could be talking out of my ass. After all, we don't have journal entries for this last part I mention. But I think this would be very interesting to read...

Speaking of, wouldn't it have been awesome if we got those from various characters instead of just recorded declarations and anecdotes and testimonies?!! Like Dracula. Maybe, if he ever gets to it (probably won't) GRRM will look into that for Fire and Blood V2?!

[out of headcanon valley]

So...

I'm not saying he didn't love Alicent, never loved her, or that there was no chance or possibility that he hadn't become attracted to her before they married.

There are strong enough arguments for why we don't need to think that he loved her "more" than Aemma and that it was a bit more complicated. While the Velaryons were rich, prestigious, and culturally and by-blood closer, it's the Faith-tie, age-of-candidates, Otto's physical and constant proximity, and Viserys' loneliness or guilt that maybe put the Hightowers ahead. And from there, Viserys was trying to keep the chariot on heel.

After all my points, too, I tend to think of it more like Alicent was Viserys' second chance to "get marriage right" and have unencumbered love, be unconstrained in that area. It's also why he might have been more affectionate than some wanted or expected from him.

#asoiaf asks from others #viserys i's characterization #aemma arryn #alicent hightower #viserys i #targaryen succession #fire and blood writing #alicent and viserys #aemma and viserys #fire and blood #asoiaf

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unironicposadist · 11 months

Text

a new(?) M*A*S*H thesis

BJ and Colonel Potter embody the show’s capitulation to “true,” normative, “ideal” masculinity. Allow me to explain.

I had this thought and had to share with the tumblr girlies because in my real life, the people who watch MASH are not the sort of people with whom Gender Talks are fun to have, and the people that have the background, inclination and patience to talk gender have no interest in watching MASH.

There is the trend that many commentators have already observed that the show in the early seasons is generally just flat-out sexist, but simultaneously more anti-war and anti-empire, more progressive in a broad sense, and is more challenging and gender fluid (at least within the confines of male subjectivity), and these things are negatively correlated over the run of the series. As the show becomes less sexist, it also yields to normative gender roles and becomes more ambivalent and wishy-washy in its anti-war message.

I was thinking about these things and it occurred to me -- in the first three seasons, none (and I repeat: none) of the main characters can be said to embody an ideal masculinity or femininity, whether defined by standards of the ‘50s when the show takes place, or the ‘70s or ‘80s when it aired.

Hawkeye - too effeminate, expressive and prone to melancholy

Trapper - unfaithful to his wife

Colonel Blake - too indecisive

Radar - too naïve and innocent

Frank - is a cowardly dolt

Mulcahy - too touchy feely and earnest

Klinger - is a crossdresser and proud of it

Margaret - too smart, angry, courageous, independent to be “ideal” as a woman

All of the men fall short of the American masculine ideal, and the one woman with any depth explodes in many ways what is acceptable femininity. Many of the men don’t even believe in “ideal manhood,” or if they say they do, they say it with a wink. Frank’s the only one that buys into the ideological horse hockey of Total Masculinity, and he’s... well, he’s Frank.

Then arrive BJ and Colonel Potter. Married men, and faithful despite the temptations that cross their paths. They are worldly and stoic, and while they have their rare moments of tearful vulnerability, their shared doctrine is one of suppression, compartmentalization and stoicism. They must never outwardly admit to having succumbed to the horrors. They are charming, assertive, patriotic (whether in Potter’s stars-and-bars kind of way or BJ’s picket fence and apple pie kind of way) and they are men, no two ways about it.

And then slowly the failures of the other men fall away. Trapper and Blake are gone. They are followed in short order by Frank, who is just about as aggressive a satire of the contradictions of American masculinity as I’ve seen in media. Radar falls in love and grows up, just in time to leave. Klinger stops crossdressing. Mulcahy becomes less soft and caring, gets more sarcastic and more prone to anger. And even Hawkeye gets worn down into a good-soldier shell of the flamboyant, promiscuous pinko fairy man he used to be. In the early seasons he is truly hysterical in a way that defies diagnosis (and I use the word hysterical quite intentionally) and eventually this general insanity gets mollified and medicalized into panic, trauma, anxiety, the usual. But he learns to deal with it -- until he snaps obviously, but the big snap at the end came because he stopped engaging the little ones that seemed to come every three episodes in the early seasons.

There is plenty more to dive into, such as the curious case of the vaguely asexual sneering upper class masculinity of Charles Emerson Winchester III, the extremes of healthy and toxic masculinity represented by recurring characters Sidney and Colonel Flagg, and the expanded representation of women which goes along with Margaret’s enrichment as a character with wants and needs beyond having a Romantic Other. Maybe I’ll get into those soon but for now it’s 1am and I need to read my book and sleep. Please, engage me in discourse, if you wish. I’m curious what the 50-100 of us think about this. Lol.

#mash #mash 4077 #mashblr #mashposting #hawkeye pierce #bj hunnicutt #colonel potter #gender #oh god not the discourse

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cogitoergofun · 10 months

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Republicans have been on quite a successful rampage against modern life: banning abortion, trying to make contraception harder to get, dumping books about race, sex, gender, and the Holocaust (the Holocaust?!) from school libraries, tormenting trans people. You’d think they’d take a break, but no—now they’ve set their sights on a new target: no-fault divorce. Leading the charge are Republican legislators in some of the worst states for women (looking at you, Louisiana!) and reactionary anti-feminist ranters like Ben Shapiro, Matt Walsh, and Steven Crowder. Fun story: Crowder went viral for portraying himself as a victim of no-fault divorce, expressing shock that his wife could divorce him without his permission even “in Texas”—shortly before a video emerged in which he berated his heavily pregnant wife for, among other domestic failings, not being “wife-worthy.” Milton, thou shouldst be living at this hour!

I mention the great 17th-century poet, today known mostly for his epic poem Paradise Lost, because he was one of the first—if not the first—English writer to call for marriage to be not a religious sacrament enforced by church and state but a civil partnership that unhappy spouses could end at will. (Milton knew whereof he spoke: He himself married 17-year-old Mary Powell, whom he barely knew, when he was 34; she left him some weeks later and stayed away for three years.) In The Doctrine and Discipline of Divorce (1643) and three subsequent tracts, he argued passionately in favor of divorce on grounds of simple incompatibility: Where there was no love or friendship, the marriage was already dead. Forcing unhappy partners to stay married prevented them from finding more suitable mates, and it substituted church authority for independent rights of conscience. “Wisdom and charity, weighing God’s own institution, would think that the pining of a sad spirit wedded to loneliness should deserve to be freed,” he wrote.

It isn’t clear how much of this freedom Milton would have extended to wives. Still, it was a start. But it would take more than three centuries for unhappy spouses to win the freedom to end a marriage without proving infidelity, abuse, or similar against their partners. The first no-fault-divorce legislation in an American state was signed only in 1969—by none other than conservative icon Ronald Reagan, then the governor of California. It’s now the law in every state, although Mississippi and South Dakota require two-party consent.

Who benefits from easy access to divorce? Everyone, I’d argue, including children, often cited as the reason parents should be forced to stay together—because what can be better for healthy development than growing up in a household full of bitterness, rage, and disrespect? Women have the most at stake, though, because women are more vulnerable to men than vice versa. Even in the 19th century, when divorce was hard to get and few women could support themselves, women filed the majority of divorce petitions in the US; today, it’s more than two-thirds. (Jordan Peterson says it’s because women are more neurotic than men, always looking on the negative side. Well, given the sexist nature of most marriages, where women still do most of the housework and child care, they’ve got a lot to be negative about.)

Researchers who followed the long state-by-state rollout of no-fault divorce found that in every case it led to dramatic decreases in suicide among wives, domestic violence, and murders of wives by their husbands. Those insufficiently acknowledged facts effectively prove that controlling women is what’s behind calls to get rid of no-fault divorce, because if women’s lives and safety mattered, divorce would always have been easy to get. In 2019, Jim Daly, the head of Focus on the Family, which opposes no-fault divorce, told unhappy couples that “God hates divorce in every case,” even when there’s violence, cruelty, addiction, pedophilia. (The wife is supposed to fix the marriage by being superdeferential, blaming herself, and giving her husband lots of sex.)

Who wants this? Who needs this? There’s a real-life experiment that measures the popularity of Daly’s position. In Louisiana, Arkansas, and Arizona, engaged couples can sign up for a “covenant marriage,” in which they agree to seek divorce only for adultery, abuse, or a handful of semi-criminal activities. Despite a quarter-century of its existence as an option, only about 1 percent of couples choose it. The Bible may be all for covenants, but even among evangelicals, not many parents would want their adult child trapped forever in a loveless marriage to a terrible person. (The divorce rate for born-again Christians is 33 percent, by the way—higher than the rate for atheists and agnostics, 30 percent, according to 2008 research by the Barna group.)

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blackbyrenflowers · 15 days

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Imagine how cool would it be if Jaeherys married Rhaena, his beloved older sister. She'd be a queen - a position befitting her - and never become bitter and lonely. Alysanne is so boring and shallow. Good Queen Alysanne. Uh-huh. More like Fertile and Subvervient Alysanne. I mean, let's face it, Jaeherys would respect Rhaena as his wife and queen far FAR more than he did Alysanne. Their marriage would be more balanced. He is the king but she is older and has more life experience. Rhaena takes no shit from no one. If she'd say "no f*ck you we won't marry our daughter to an old man thrice her age just because you are tired of seeing her around" Jae would have no choice but to yield. If only Martin was a little less sexist when it comes to those matters... Rhaena is twice widowed, and as such she's 'used good'. Not to mention the age difference. Jaeherys deserved someone better, right Georgie? That's why you had to create Pure Virgin Mary Alysanne. Only villains have a thing for older 'spoiled' women, like Maegor and Aemond.

It would've definitely been interesting to see (though I disagree on Rhaena being "bitter and lonely" after Maegor, nor do I think it would've necessarily been a happy/perfect marriage), but I don't think a Jaehaerys-Rhaena match would've ever worked for the simple reason that there would've been too much outside opposition after Aegon and Rhaena's marriage.

Sure, there was plenty of opposition to Jaehaerys-Alysanne as well, but the "benefit" of that match was that they were infatuated with each other enough to defy their mother and Rogar Baratheon, and get the Doctrine of Exceptionalism enshrined as an official teaching of the Faith of the Seven. Obviously Jaehaerys cares about his older sister and vice versa, but do they care enough to defy just about every authority figure in Westeros? Would Rhaena, who remembers how she was besieged at Crakehall by the Faith Militant, really want to go through a traumatic event like that again?

And obviously after Maegor I imagine Rhaena might be reluctant to wed again, even to her baby brother (her marriage to Androw being only in name, as an excuse to be close to Elissa).

#aerea would be in an interesting spot #daughter of the queen and stepdaughter of the king #anon ask #rhaena the black bride #rhaena targaryen #jaehaerys i targaryen #house targaryen #fire and blood #valyrianscrolls

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navree · 1 year

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What do you think of Jaehaerys the old?

I'm mixed on Jaehaerys, actually. Unlike most other people in my corner of ASOIAF/HOTD fandom, I'm actually not that anti Targ ("they're colonizers" white on white crime doesn't bother me in any way whatsoever and also the Targs won that round fair and square and if you use that rhetoric I better be seeing essays on Nymeria the colonist given that the Rhoynar were much more of a traditional colonial force in Dorne to the point where they feel mildly analogous to the pilgrims and also it's all fictional and not real so who cares). So my issues with ole JJ are more about the kind of person he was than just being a Targaryen king.

I'm willing to give him props. For one, he had a hard early life, beyond becoming king quite young, the entire reason he was king at all was because both of his brothers were gruesomely killed by his bloodthirsty and psychopathic uncle, and his mother and sisters were at various points prisoners of Maegor and Visenya, and at one point he was a prisoner of Visenya himself before she died and he was able to flee with Alyssa and Alysanne. It's why I'm more lenient than most on his anger at Saera following her scandal, because while it's scummy that he's angry at her for exploring her sexuality in a way he never would have been if this was one of his sons (but also for being a bitch towards his fool that was the main instigating thing before it went off the rails), Saera responding to that with "I should get three husbands because Maegor had six wives" to someone whose older brothers were 1) eaten by Maegor's dragon and 2) tortured to death by Maegor's people on Maegor's orders because Maegor was angry at Jaehaerys (having a relative die due to your actions is always going to be an emotional mindfuck, it's why Louis Philippe makes me so sad) is monumentally stupid, I'm not surprised that he was incredibly furious that she'd be so callous about Maegor after everything Maegor put him through. I also think that Jaehaerys was a genuinely good administrator, along with being an excellent politician (say what you want about it but the Doctrine of Exceptionalism was a stroke of genius), and I have a soft spot for good politicians and rulers who are actually good at their jobs and are actually capable of and interesting in governance, not just Being The King. Jaehaerys was, in fact, able to bring stability and prosperity to the realm, he did basically instill a pax Targaryeana that likely would have lasted a really long time if his successor wasn't an idiot. And as someone who maintains that birthright monarchy is a scam, I'm fine with Jaehaerys making the decision of his succession the most democratic version of power transferal Westeros has ever seen (just wish it hadn't been so sexist).

Because yeah, my main issue with Jaehaerys is his appalling sexism. He treated nearly all of the women in his life pretty badly, while I'm willing to give him something of a pass for Saera, he's not that great with any of his other daughters, or any of his sisters, reducing them oftentimes to just their value as marriage material and broodmares (like when he said that it didn't matter that his firstborn child, a daughter, wasn't his heir because she was gonna marry his son and be queen anyway, motherfucker you know that queen consort and queen regnant are two different things). Literally forcing Daella to get married despite what appear to be some severe developmental delays and also just the fact that she did not want to be married is also just so gross, and just in general constantly having Alysanne be pregnant when she didn't particularly want to be is just Not It, dude, especially as she got older and these pregnancies visibly got harder and harder on her. And while his administration was good and his overall treatment of the realm was good, what tangible positives changes did he instill for the actual people? Things like wanting to abolish First Night and pushing for the Widow's Law were Alysanne's initiatives from her women's courts, that's why they're called Queen Alysanne's laws specifically. And personality wise, as a character, he's dull. Other than the early life stuff when he was a prince and then a young king, Jaehaerys does nothing for me. He just feels incredibly bland as a person, and while being a horrible fictional man is forgivable crime, being a boring one isn't. That's a death penalty offense. Ya basic Jaehaerys.

#personal #answered #anonymous #the maegor stuff is interesting to me #the emotional toll of everything maegor did is also very interesting to me #but the rest of it..........eh #good politician i always appreciate good politicians but horrifically sexist and just kinda beige as a character

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jasonsutekh · 5 months

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Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (1954)

Seven brothers who live in a remote cabin are in search of wives but their heavy-handed ways don’t impress the young women of the local town, or their families.

Several of the songs are at least amusing if not outright entertaining. Most rely on having a catchy chorus line or extended dance interludes. It was fortunate that after a while the men were differentiated with shirts of different colours that also contrast the townsfolk and woodland well.

Essentially the entire plot is deliberately sexist in which even redemptions are just rewarding unhealthy attitudes. Many of the more offensive and rape-like ideas are only fended off for a time by equally unhealthy religious doctrine which eventually leads them to get what they set out for in the first place as though it’s now justified.

It’s fortunate that the joviality of the movie wasn’t brought down by too much real violence, just hammy fist fights and mass kidnapping which are presented as comedic. There’s also a few moments of tactical conflict resolution which mark some of the very little development the characters receive.

In various ways the plot is similar to Beauty and the Beast, due to the kidnapping of women and the notable arc about Stockholm Syndrome setting in so that when the townspeople riot to rescue them they don’t want to leave anymore. It’s difficult to tell some of the characters apart at times but largely it doesn’t matter since they’re mostly just gender archetypes anyway.

3/10 -This one’s bad but it’s got some good in it, just there-

-All the actors portraying the brothers were chosen for their dancing ability except two, one of which was a singer, the other a former baseball player.

-At the start of “Wonderful Wonderful Day” birds take flight but one can be seen bumping into the backdrop.

-The brothers were made redheads mainly to distinguish them from the townspeople.

#Film #Review #Seven Brides for Seven Brothers #1954 #Musical #JasonSutekh

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nerdygaymormon · 2 years

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I listened to a podcast about sealings and how women are encouraged to remain sealed to their ex-husband so they can keep the blessings of being sealed. Do you know what those blessings are?

This is a good question

Life is messy. Many people find themselves bumping up against church policies on sealings and being dissatisfied and having many unanswered questions.

Sealings seem to be governed by rules from the mid-1800's that incorporate the sexist, patriarchal views of the time. It gets very complicated and yucky to have that theology adhered to given how our views on the roles and abilities of men and women has changed.

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Technically a man is not sealed to his wife and children, instead they are sealed to him.

About 5 years ago the Church changed the sealing ceremony. Prior to this a bride gave herself to her husband and he received her. This is why a woman is only allowed to be sealed to one man, but he may be sealed to an unlimited number of women, as long as they give themselves to him, he can accept them.

Nowadays, both bride and groom receive each other. While the wording has changed, when it comes to cancelling sealings it seems the old concept still applies.

It's not fair, and I don't think it's right, but this understanding is needed to make sense of the Church's policies on sealings.

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When a couple gets divorced, their sealing remains intact. A woman who wants to cancel her sealing to her ex-husband will find a lot of resistance unless she's about to get married & sealed to another man.

Women are often told they need to be sealed in order to keep their blessings, and that's why they shouldn't cancel their sealing until they're going to be sealed to someone else. In the concept of the old sealing ceremony, she needs to stay sealed to her first husband until she's ready to give herself to a different husband.

Men aren't seen as controlling whether they maintain or lose the blessings of being sealed, other than by being sealed to multiple women in case one sealing gets revoked. Therefore they miss out on a lot of the lectures about the dangers of losing the blessings of a sealing.

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What exactly are the blessings someone may miss out on if they're not sealed? This is a difficult question to answer, there hasn't been clear communication on this. I'll share my understanding of what blessings I think they mean.

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An unwritten reason women are advised not to revoke their temple sealing is the idea that it will all work out.

We're told that in the next life no one will be forced to be with someone they don't want to be, so she won't be stuck with her ex-husband if she doesn't want to be.

I believe the thinking among some leaders is that for you to find yourself sealed to each other, you both have to make it to the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom. Anything less than that and it simply is not going to be an issue.

For an abusive spouse to get there, they'd have to undergo a level of repentance and change that would make for a very different relationship with them. That if you both make it there then perhaps things in the relationship will resolve themselves.

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We think of a sealing as being joined to your spouse, but it's also about making a great chain of couples linked to other couples that unites the eternal family with God.

Cancelling a sealing drops the woman out of this great linkage. I mean, the same happens to the man but he has the opportunity to be sealed to multiple women so it's not automatic that he's lost this linkage.

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The doctrine is that “in order to obtain the highest” degree of the celestial glory, a person “must enter into the new and everlasting covenant of marriage. And if he does not, he cannot obtain it” (D&C 131:2-3).

By cancelling her sealing, a woman loses this opportunity unless she can find another man to be sealed to. Again, since a man can be sealed to multiple women, he may have multiple opportunities to reach the highest kingdom and isn't reliant on the one sealing to his ex-wife.

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If a couple is sealed and have children, their children are said to be 'born under the covenant,' which means the child is sealed to their parents.

If the parents break their sealing to each other, the sealing of the children to their parents isn't cancelled. Again, this raises a lot of questions, like what if their dad was abusive and they don't want to be sealed to him?

Let's say a woman cancels her sealing and marries another man but doesn't get sealed to him, any children born from this marriage are not sealed to her or her husband. But if she were still sealed to her ex-husband, her children are sealed to her and her ex...which is kinda weird and gross, they aren't sealed to their actual father, and they don't have a choice in this.

Consent is a concept which seems missing in much of this discussion. Consent is present when the bride & groom get sealed, and after that they're locked into a lot of rules.

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When questions come up about the variety of situations in which people find themselves, they're often told to relax, that everything will get sorted out in heaven. The Celestial Kingdom is a place of joy and happiness so they will not find themselves in a situation which doesn't bring these feelings.

I think this type of statement is a recognition that our theology on this is woefully incomplete.

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rametarin · 7 months

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You know, the other half of how irritating dealing with radfems in the 80s was.

You all know the problem. You finally get the actual mask-dropped look of their face. The ugly truth; that radical feminism isn't, nor was it ever, about "equality." It was a very horrible set of values that appropriated the discussion and argument for women's equality and then wore it like The Thing. So you couldn't confront The Thing without appearing like you were just out to attack women.

But then upon this realization that the Good Guys are not The Good Guys, they're just another form of organized headfuck with their own ambitions and goals and pretenses, you're faced with another problem. Getting people to believe you. Proving it, in a time and place where they move with almost guerilla precission to not be recorded or heard by any that'd doubt or call them out, and securing themselves benefit of the doubt in their time and communities beforehand, leaving you looking like a babbling psychopath for accusing them of saying anything so heinous as, "men(class) are sexist."

You try to tell someone about this, but everybody you meet to talk about it is off base. Well, most. They kind of recognize what you saw, but their interpretation sucks. They, also, have an organized perception of this phenomenon, the problems it brings, and ideas on how to solve it. Unfortunately, they suck.

You try to explain radical feminism is wrong not because of the stated desire of liberal equality of the sexes on the basis of personhood, they, "agree with you" that radical feminism is bad, and then argue from a position of religious doctrine that states the role of a woman and her place. You try and square those circles and realize you are having the same conversation but saying entirely different things.

Frustrated, you stop talking to the person trying to evangelize you into supporting their form of resistance to radical feminism and their culture war, because while radical feminism is untenable and disgusting, you don't want the fucking religious right to supersede them.

So you try and contact other people and talk to them about the problems. They either are naive and have no experience in the matter one way or another and will think you're a crazed schizophrenic just shitting on supporters of female equality, or irrespective of radical feminism, just plain delusional. Even if you highlight every horrible thing written in the books by radfems, TERF or TIRF, in their own words, they just don't want to hear it. They either don't have the attention span or don't want the headache of dealing with the knowledge. So you out yourselves to them as a concern and they consider you a potential nutter and threat. That's another dead end.

Do you understand how much I despaired in the late 80s under this? Learning radical feminists' doctrine considered me an oppressor and oppressor-to-be in gradient just because I was male, and the way they encouraged other girls in my peer group to think, feel and act out against who they were told were their oppressors? It was like dealing with a horror movie, only the great unknowable Thing was a nebulous series of horrible, narcissistic feelings that could just colonize women and white knight male feminist minds, and get them into this histrionic bubble where reality didn't matter, just weird leftist edutainment cartoons and truisms from feminist literature.

The people you were most likely to meet that knew anything about it, already picked a side and wanted you to carry water for their particular ideology, or fuck off. The religious right just by their sheer MASS and open history and the stubborn, undying distribution of faith, and the radical feminists because they put the science of human communication to use and used every social utterance to hide motivation and skirt any kind of rule breaking. Like cold blooded, invisible used car salemen, or female humanities majors versions of Pick Up Artists.

You try to talk about these Gadflies, they just roil their eyes and treat you like you're telling an Everybody On the Bus Clapped story from the position of a Culture Warrior of the day. Not actually telling your experiences, or if you were and able to prove them, telling you they're anecdotes and don't actually matter or reflect feminism or the movement.

Whereas here in the 2020s, on the internet, it's like having the fucking forest of cryptids in a surveillance state. You people have no idea how good you have it. The fact the TERF Vs. Intersectionalist fracas for power in who rules doctrine in feminism these days is even ALLOWING the discussion of harmful feminist literature and academics, is something we NEVER were allowed to even discus in polite company, in the 80s.

We weren't even ALLOWED to acknowledge the Bad Radfems existed and were radfems, back in the day. You had to perform mental gymnastics and pretend they didn't exist, or else if you did, they'd write you off as "having joined the Other Side." And even any gradient of nuance, you may as well have been parroting expressions from Newt Gingrich or Rush Limbaugh.

Just being able to reblog radfem Ls.. you don't get how much of a luxury this is. It's like having a cheap, accessible digital camera to record an abusive schoolteacher that nobody could ever catch in the act or prove their abuse without hearsay. The sheer relief. The acknowledgement that it can be affirmed to be a common thing and not a paranoid, delusional fantasy of some gibbering tinfoil hat wearer surrounded by bottles of pee and Clancy novels.

The sheer strain of dealing with the inertia, not knowing if the person you were trying to tell your anecdotes about was going to just start easing away from you or trust but verify what you were saying. The frustration of the burden of proof being on you against a group that by nature is both protected by humanity and intellectually, morally, given the benefit of the doubt because of what alarming implications there are in imagining some sort of ulterior motive for radical feminism.

Even today, access to radfem literature is hidden by obfuscation. You're either a college kid or you're a friend and on the vibe with that particular kind of radfem in order to be able to access the books they're getting their ideas from, or the newsletters, or the magazines. Or else you won't know what they're discussing intra-group or what their subjects of interests are this month/season. Proving when they believe in hokum or are organizing to make something an issue like astro turf (like manspreading?) is difficult to impossible.

The internet and social media has removed some of that herarsay and impermanence of a conversation going up in thin air in time and space. It makes it easy to find people that share sentiments or stories like it and compare notes. And this is just so indispensible.. confluence across geographic regions at the speed of electrons.

Even if you have to nudge away irritating traditionalists and far-right assholes, it makes it easier to find the actual liberal egalitarians and organize. And filter.

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azspot · 10 months

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It wasn’t until 2021 that Beth Moore actually left the SBC and ended her relationship with Lifeway. To this day she is not even close to what reasonable individuals might consider a liberal. She’s a member of an evangelical denomination and her religious convictions are thoroughly conservative. However, Beth had become an enemy of male-centered evangelicalism long before this, and she remains one today. Beth’s sin wasn’t a changing view of the authority of scripture, or the divinity of Christ, or any other doctrinal mainstay for traditionalist Christianity. It was calling herself a survivor of sexual abuse and then refusing to tolerate abusive, sexist behavior from an important man.

Misogyny, the SBC, and Beth Moore

#baptists #sbc

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girlblogging9 · 10 months

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I live in a country where 70% of the population is Christian,according to a government survey. Yes,this sucks in every way. The bible sees abuse as something normal and has a moralistic and conservative aspect that is actually something archaic and toxic,the bible also defends homophobia and here and in this country it is normal for you to hear homophobic speeches in the name of "God". So, hypocrisy is also common among the herd,racism,intolerance towards other religions,especially African religions. Christianity here works as a perfect hiding place for abusers and psychopaths,because their own book and doctrine defends these aspects and uses these religious aspects to canonize scoundrels and clean up their image,they want to mold society into their archaic and toxic ways and brainwash you.

Brazilian laws are grotesque and defend sexism and patriarchy that has great religious influence here (Christian) here it is common to see religious fascism and fascist politics hand in hand. Most people here are extremely prejudiced and sexist,customs are conservative but most of them live on appearances and men who say they are Christian and conservative are actually hypocrites and have mistress.

This country actually resembles a medieval colony. Christianity helps fuel the rape culture that is still very strong here and this is seen as normal and even if you are the victim in the story the laws here benefit abusers.

When the victim is tired of being abused and decides to take the law into their own hands (because the justice system is mercenary and doesn't defend victims) then they use the law to silence you,harm you or put you in prison.

Here it is very common for abusers to leave unscathed for all the harm caused to the victim and even more common for each of them to become religious and be considered "saints and good people" by society because they are Christians or some other similar religion that canonizes scoundrels.

So it's common for you to see a pedophile or rapist or any abuser living normally as if nothing had happened and they were "good" people. All this is very grotesque and disgusting,it makes me nauseous,because there are really many people who defend abusers and my wish for all of them is that they die a painful death and burn in some hell out there after their deaths, unfortunately the law does not allow shooting in their heads.

So Christianity is nothing more than a den of serpents for the most part,a factory of alienation and cancerous customs.

#feelings #thoughts #words #writers on tumblr #actuallytraumatized #tw depressing thoughts #trauma #abuse survivor #ex religious #ex christian #abuse tw #religious trauma #philosophy #religous trauma #feminism

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pesbianlanic · 9 months

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this contains good omens 2 spoilers

as someone who deconstructed my belief in (and eventually left) a high demand religion (cult), i relate a lot to aziraphale's arc in both seasons. there are no words to describe how utterly difficult, painful, tragic, and traumatizing it can be to realize that everything you've been taught, everything you thought you knew about the world, may not actually be true. i see a lot of my journey in aziraphale's, especially the early phases.

there was a phase in my deconstruction where i still desperately believed in what i'd been taught was true. i believed that the organization i grew up in could change, that people like me could help them see that certain things (queer rights, not being sexist and racist) were not inherently contrary to the official(TM) doctrine and belief. i still believed, and i thought that i could maintain that belief while holding values very different to what i was being taught.

aziraphale is, i think, in this phase at the end of good omens 2. he is clinging so desperately to the worldview that he's been stewing in for millennia. this is causing him to double down - at the expense of his and crowley's relationship. he believes in heaven, still, after everything, and he believes that he can make things better and have crowley too.

crowley is already an outsider. he knows that this is a pipe dream. aziraphale can't see that yet. the kiss was, in part, an attempt to knock some sense into aziraphale. it's not enough. aziraphale needs to realize this for himself.

i don't remember what it was that helped me realize that the cult i grew up in could not change (at least not in my lifetime) because i dissociated so heavily through that part of my life that my memory is super bad (trauma!). it was probably the culmination of a lot of little things + one significant moment. but i had to come to terms with it in my own way, in my own time.

aziraphale's journey is not over yet. it will be messy and painful (for him and for crowley), but that's just how this goes.

#good omens 2 #good omens spoilers #aziraphale #deconstructing religion #please be nice to aziraphale #s2e6 is actually super in character to me based on everything i wrote above #he just needs time y'all he'll figure it out and then everything will be beautiful #not just for aziraphale and crowley but for AZIRAPHALE #and then the healing can begin

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horizon-verizon · 9 months

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Lol, never even thought of it this way ! Heck, if we are following the rule that if you weren’t married by a septon then your marriage isn’t valid then… Aenys and Maegor were both bastards.

And possibly all three Conquerors as well, if we assume Aerion and Valaena married in the Valyrian way as well. People who ruled the Seven Kingdoms and sat on the Iron Throne were bastards, I love it.

They speak of this post.

Let me add something I should have before in that post. Rhaenyra is married to Laenor in the usual Seven marriage, not the Valyrian one Maegor had with his 2nd wife, Alys Harroway, or the one in HotD with Daemon.

We don't know for certain that he married Tyanna the Valyrian or Faith way ("The Sons of the Dragon"):

because "it was said" & the pure drama of the situation.

And his marriages to the Black Brides (Princess Rhaena Targaryen, Elinor Costayne, and Jeyne Westerling) were all Faith-made in one Faith ceremony:

Even if Rhaenyra did marry one man the Valyrian way and another the Faith way, we have record of:

Aegon I's polygamist, Valyrian-wedded marriage was considered valid by the Faith at the time AND in current histories

Jaehaerys I's marriage to his sister--though Faith-made, still against Faith doctrine about their definition of incest--considered valid in present time and current histories, even though Jaehaerys' manipulations

Maegor's mixed marriages to different women with different sorts of ceremonies were historically considered valid, and it is currently still told to be as such in Westerosi histories

Aegon "the Uncrowned" and Rhaena were siblings, and even after the Faith protested their Faith-made marriage, their marriage was considered legitimate even after his death and Aerea/Rhaella got to be considered trueborn. Again, all this is still considered legitimate in current histories.

The common denominator is that these expectations were bent for those who had the ability to bend/ignore them with hard and/or soft power. And they benefited the men and their claims more than the women. Aegon I won the war and while he had to meet the lords halfway and not remove much of their customs to rule over them after he had just won, he still lives in a world where there is no divorce, annulment is near impossible once the marriage is consummated, and he had more power than the Faith. I already said Jaehaerys manipulated his way into making sure there were fewer protests and rebellions to his marriage to Alysanne (Septon Barth's advice, getting a new High Septon who was more amenable, having seven clever men and women speak on the marriage's romance and validity, and the Doctrine of Exceptionalism making the Targs seem closer to gods than men with their own customs thus further validating their right to shape their succession/family as they see fit). Aenys wanted his children to marry to strengthen his son's claim (limiting the number of future possible competitors to Aegon's kids I think) and ensure more dragon riders would come from their union. And Maegor wanted an heir for himself while subduing a threat in Rhaena's claim while being publicly and theatrically vicious to any who opposed him. Despite him being a kin-slaying usurper, he is also recognized in the histories as a king.

And yet the very idea that show!Rhaenyra (who has not killed anyone by this point)'s marriage to Daemon even if Laenor were alive and openly there right with them, is automatically invalid on virtue of the fact that he's alive.

This shows two things about people who argue that Rhaenyra's kids are all bastards (even Aegon III and Viserys II):

they have either never read Fire and Blood or never thought that "deep" about it because thinking deeply pains them

they are sexist and ignore the above to invalidate Rhaenyra

Because how the heck does one argue that a feudal monarchy is so much more dependent on their subjects' feelings and acceptance of them than anything....and then argue for Maegor being a real king or accept the fact that every single Targ marriage, polygamist or not, is considered legitimate in-universe by the Faith itself?!

There is actually more fluidity in Westerosi marriage than they may think, one that depends on the not-so-constant line between a monarch's ability to force their subjects to live with their rule(s) and the sociopolitical landscape setting that allows some decisions to be high vs low risk for that monarch.

@rhaenyragendereuphoria has a post about the validity of a Valyrian marriage in Westeros HERE.

#asoiaf asks to me #westerosi monarchy #westerosi history #the targaryens #fandom critical #asoiaf fandom #marriage customs #westerosi marriage #asoiaf

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drewdevinecartoonist · 11 months

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Someone gets hurt every moment. Someone is in delight every moment. Infinite goodness is an object with intelligence which may or may not do you a favor if you ask it to. Some people know that more than others. Hypotheses can be liberating unto themselves even if they are false.

The doctrine that samsara can be escaped is more ironclad than any given solution to an alleged illness theorized as schizophrenia. Infinite hypotheses abound in your imagination or not. You decide. Fun is at stake.

All the Hindus and Buddhists and other assholes who ever escaped samsara are lying, or schizophrenia is a problem science has solved at the psychic-social level. Discuss.

Can salvation and the escape of samsara coexist in a suffering being who also likes jokes?

Dear best thing ever, make me do the appropriate thing times 100.

The excluded middle is anything.

Heaven sounds like a good place to be unless for some reason you happen to disagree minus 12.

Q: Do you believe in Jesus? A: How could you not?

Jokes are sometimes bad. Jokes are an entire department of nirvana, heaven, and all kinds of things other than TV. Jokes are sometimes good. World peace is at stake. imagine good things until you don’t want to or can’t.

Jesus is funny. the Bible may or may not have left this out. Jesus lives and can be infinitely funny in a good way if he wants to, usually.

The usual is the usual.

Is Jesus the first or second person of an alleged trinity? Consider the pros and cons of either option and change reality according or not. Eithernesses.

Jesus was funny in the Bible if you read Greek. Everyone else without a Jesus hookup is unlucky or just waiting on the good thing--whatever it may be--to occur.

Be good. Good is relative and absolute depending. Jokes.

Is it easier to talk to goodness or to Jesus or to a person other than Jesus?

Infinity. Limit also, if.

Good is infinite, evil is a parasite on it. Some parasites are good and more necessary than others to goodness.

Infinite goodness, notice tortures and stop them at your own pace, if necessary.

Perichoressis, 0 or 1 or 2 or 3? Go dance or not!

That punk dancing on her own in Peanuts specials was beloved by the things that loved her/him. Merry Christmas Charlie Brown to your Fake Placstic Cell Phone.

Is dancing good or bad? Concepts can dance.

Infinite solutions to this “trinity problem” are out there in the infinity thing. Some people don’t like games. Why?

What are you doing and not doing for the “environment” at the same time?

Dear best thing ever, next time I fall asleep, make me even better than I have already been today, extremely eventually. Eventually as in --..

Captain Business Suit is saved by molecules who love him. His underlings get it even better. Money is the root of whatever it is the root of.

How trustworthy is Allah actually? One billion points for figuring it out definitely faster than a trillion.

There isn’t a feminism for everything, but there is a feminism for some things. Get Rid of Slimy Sexists.

Copy right or copy left? Dancing or head shoulders bees and goats?

Make a science out of a non science or the reverse.

The infinitely good thing after the finitely in the way other thing.

Sleep heals.

Vote for or against inevitable awesomeness in general or in particular?

Forgiveness memory functions local and planetary in relative states of disrepair and dancing to yayness.

Does God ever like to “get away from himself and be not himself?” God can do anything except be an atheist. Maybe!

Peace talks and pandas! Summon summon summon!!!!!

Non sleep heals.

Can you only do certain things while awake? That’s either life or it isn’t.

Dear best thing that can read my mind in infinity, find the next best thing and get it on the case too.

Some beings exist in a dimension where sex is always good.

Hypothesis: Money is the root of all evil! Behavior now!

There was evil before money? Yes or no? Don’t scream!

In infinity, money pre-exists evil. Other planets. Discuss finitely whether you want to or not. (A tree appears from a money thing in a rainbow dimension).

Could I discuss uninfinitely if I wanted to?

Within infinity, which part of infinity should put the funniest infinite other part on hilarious trial? The limit on infinity’s trials is love itself. Love infinite.

Infinite love can determine me into whatever it wants to determine me into no matter what anyone may or may not think.

Hell is avoidable by many number of factors including water.

The shapeless of going from one insight to the next. Shapes moving in a why that is tonal in some sense.

I am against being against popular music.

Intentional creeps vs unintentional creeps and protections FOREVERSVILLE. Good spies dies.

A knight errant slays schizophrenia but he’s still himself.

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