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#seo changbin x gender neutral reader
chan-gbinsimp · 8 months
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masterlist
the collection of all my writings (pre-construction of blogs and post) for your convenience
stray kids:
safe haven (seo changbin, m!reader, fluff)
Changbin struggled with his lack of privacy in public as an idol, and asked Chan in desperation. He received a new friend, and more.
valentines day kisses (bang chan, m!reader, fluff)
You and Chan had been dating for quite some time now, and you felt it was the right moment to reveal your relationship to the public.
deja brew (bang chan, m!reader, fluff)
Chan's day was going poorly, no other way to put it. Luckily for him, fate was about to pull him back to the past in the best way possible.
rainy days (seo changbin, m!reader, hurt/comfort)
Sometimes, rain fell from the skies and you didn't have an umbrella or a roof over your head to protect yourself from it. And sometimes, that rain led to a flood that consumed your very being. Luckily, Changbin is there to help you remember how to swim.
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sunboki · 6 months
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🛒 SKZ TEXTS — you leave without giving him a kiss
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including. ot8!
warnings. cursing, joke abt relapsing
notes. hyunjin’s has me crying i’m ill 😿
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sunboki, may 2022 ©
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ccawz · 1 year
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Little moments
ot8! x gn!reader. 1.8k words total, but each blurb is >300.
warnings: lip picking, food mentions, Minho’s is a bit sad in the beginning, I hope that’s it. all in established relationships!!
a/n: I could not stop thinking about emo Han so that explains his 😭. and Chan and Jeongin’s are based off my own problems 😭
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“Stop that.”
You stare at Chan, a confused expression on your face as he looks at you with a stern expression. “Stop what?”
He swats at your hand, rolling his eyes when the piece of skin you were picking at comes off. “Stop picking your lips.” He tugs your hand down when you reach for them again, lacing his fingers with yours. “It’s not good.”
“You’re supposed to indulge in my habits with me.” You argue, groaning when he takes your other hand too.
“I do.” he retorts, “The healthy ones.”
“This is healthy.” You mutter. “I can’t stand dry lips or the feeling of my skin peeling off.”
“Then use chapstick.” He deadpans. You toss your head back with a groan that sparks a laugh from him, nearly falling back when he lets go of your hands. “Here,” he says, pulling out the chapstick tube from his pocket and presenting it to your lips. “I’ll be your personal chapstick applier.”
“Is that even a word?” You question, narrowing your eyes at him when he scoffs and tells you it is. “I have a better idea.” He tilts his head, giving you the tube when you ask for it.
He juts his lips out when you start running the balm over them, eyes widening when you tug him to you by the collar of his shirt.
A giggle bubbles up when you kiss him softly, hands reaching up to cradle your face while you grin against his lips.
“If you apply it like that, maybe I’ll consider stopping.” You propose, smiling when he lets out a laugh.
“Deal.”
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“You should smile more.”
At your words, Minho whips his head towards you, glare boring into your skull. “Do you have a death wish?” He threatens, feeling hurt by your words. “Why would you say that?”
“I don’t mean it in a bad way. I’m sorry.” His shoulders relax at your apology, but the walls he’d built from before you surface again, keep him closed off when you move to hold his hand. “I just think you have a pretty smile. I don’t get to see it often….”
This time Minho slumps against your body, pushing you down to the bed with a flop and a protest. He climbs on top of you, hiding his face in your shoulder.
“You’re always working,” he murmurs, words muffled. “It’s hard not being sad when you’re not here, and I guess it doesn’t leave when you get here.”
You frown at his words, fingers messing with his hair. “I promise to make more time for you,” you say, pressing a kiss to his head. “I'm sorry I didn’t do it from the start.”
He lifts his head, looking at you with a teasing grin. “Would you quit your job for me?”
“As if. With both of us working we’ll have a fortune in no time and retire early.” You scoff, smiling as you flip him over. “Then we can see each other all the time.”
He laughs loudly as you press kisses to any area you can reach, pushing your shoulders back when you start pressing wet kisses to his cheek. “I’m already sick of you!”
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“Does it hurt?” Changbin shakes his head, slowly easing himself down onto the bed, letting out a pained groan when he moves onto his side. “Are you sure?”
He nods, obvious discomfort written on his face. “Of course.” He looks at you with a pained smile, playfulness seeping through as he moves to pull the blanket over him. “I am so fine right now.”
You frown as he lays uncomfortably in the bed, “I told you to take it easy at the gym.” Changbin huffs at your scolding, scrunching his face in disgust when you run a rag across his forehead. “You just got over your fever. You shouldn’t be pushing yourself so hard so soon.”
“I know.” He mumbled, “I just felt so lazy laying in bed all the time.”
You sigh, nestling under the covers next to him. “And look where that got you.” A grin comes to your lips when he whines again, yelling out an empty threat to kick you off the bed. “You couldn’t even if you wanted to.”
He tosses an arm over you, groaning loudly as he does. “I’ll just keep you here with me, all day and all night. You’ll never leave me.”
“You’re keeping me hostage? Who’s going to make your food then?” You ask, hugging his waist.
He hums, peppering kisses to your face. “I guess we can make an exception for food.” He thinks for a moment, looking down at you with a bright smile. “Do you think the delivery guy would bring it here?”
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“Hey,” hyunjin mumbled sleepily as he shuffled into the dining room, shirt haphazardly put on by the way it’s lopsided and backward. “What are you still doing up?”
You frown at his disheveled appearance but still wonder how he could look good even while half asleep. “Sorry, Hyun,” you apologize, finally shutting your laptop off. “I was finishing a paper.”
“You’re done now?” He asks, leaning his weight against your body when you stand in front of him. His eyes flutter shut repeatedly, sleep slowly taking over his body even when he stands. “Coming to bed?”
“Mhm.” You hum, rubbing his back softly. “Can’t have my love be lonely for so long, someone needs to cuddle him.”
Hyunjin hums sleepily, finding your hand before dragging you in the direction of your shared bedroom. “We’ll sleep in, hm?”
“Of course.” You agree, pressing a kiss to his forehead when he settles onto his side of the bed, wasting no time in dragging you to meet him in the middle. “Maybe, if you let me go at some point, I’ll make you breakfast in bed. How’s that sound?”
A smile creeps up to his face at your words, head tucking down to rest under your chin. “Sounds like I don’t deserve you.” You hum, brushing your hands against his back. “I love you, good night.”
A chaste kiss to his forehead and a quiet, “I love you more.” Was your response.
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“Look up.”
Han silently obliged, wide glossy eyes peering at the ceiling. There’s an evident frown on his lips as you run the eyeliner pencil along his waterline, eyes watering the slightest from his inability to blink.
“Are we almost done?” He asks quietly, lifting his hand to your arm, quietly telling you he needed a break. “I love being this close to you, but I don’t love a pencil close to my eyeball.”
He smiles when you chuckle, cheeks warming when you pinch at his chin, brushing your thumb slightly under his eye to smudge the makeup. “Just finished. Thanks for staying still.”
“Reward me with a kiss.” He says, looking at you with puckered lips, giggling when you take the opportunity to apply lip balm. “Give me a kiss.”
“Sorry, I can’t. I wouldn’t want to ruin your makeup.” He rolls his eyes. “Whoever did it must’ve put so much effort into it.”
“Then, should I give you a kiss?” He asks, placing his hands on your cheeks when you hum in thought. “I think we both deserve a kiss.”
You smile, pecking his lips once before he brings you closer again. “I think so too.”
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“One more!”
You laugh as Felix clings onto you, back pressing against the front door while he continues his attack for kisses. “Any more and I’ll be late for work. Lix.”
“I don’t see a problem with that.” He says, arms hugging your waist as he puckers his lips in your direction. “Then we can kiss all day and night.”
You raise a brow at his words, “And who’s gonna bring in the income while you and the boys are on a long, well-deserved break, hm?”
“I’m still getting money though.” He murmurs under his breath, shouting loudly when you flick his forehead. He shouts again when you twist the doorknob open, hugging you when you step a foot outside. “Don’t go. I still haven’t gotten my kiss.”
“I gave you like twenty kisses, Lix.” You say, frowning when he pouts at you. “I really have to go now or else they’ll make me stay late.”
At your words, Felix’s eyes widened. “What are you still doing here! Go, go to work so you can come home early!”
You roll your eyes at his newfound urgency, nearly tripping when he shoved you further out of the door, glaring at him when he laughs. “I’ll see you after work.”
“Hold on!” You turn to look at him with a dead expression, yelping when he presses his lips against yours. He pulls back with a wide smile, pressing another kiss to your cheek. “Have a good day at work.”
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“Here you go.”
Seungmin stares at the bundle of flowers being presented to him with a confused smile. Conflicted on how he should feel at that moment. “Flowers?”
“I thought it’d be nice… you know, like a little ‘I love you’ without having to say it.” You mumble, silently regretting your decision from his reaction. “You don’t have to take them.”
He backs away when you reach for them, swatting at your hand. “Back off. These are mine.” A laugh bubbles up at his defensive tone, holding your hands up in surrender as he walks around you to the kitchen. “What kind of flowers are these?”
“Sunflowers.”
“Cause I’m your sun?” He teases, snipping off the ends before placing them in a vase.
“Yeah.” He stops in his tracks at your agreement, the tips of his ears growing red as you look at him with a smile.
He rolls his eyes, an obvious facade based on his rosy cheeks. “I forgot how cheesy you were.” You follow him into the living room, watching him place the base in the center of the coffee table.
He shakes your shoulders wildly, smiling as your head rocks back and forth, then laughs at the groan you let out. “Thank you.”
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“I can’t do it. You do it for me.”
Jeongin rolls his eyes, grabbing the hair dryer from your hands. “You’re such a coward.” He grumbled, “What kind of irrational fear is one of hair dryers?”
“A valid one.” You snap, “And ever since I saw the barrel spark, I’ve been afraid to use them. Why do you think I go to bed with wet hair sometimes?”
He deadpans, “All those nights where I was being flicked with water every time you turned, that was your reason?” When you nod, he rolls his eyes again, finally turning on the dryer. “Unbelievable.”
He moves the dryer to the front of your face, laughing loudly when you sputter and reach to slap him. “This is payback!” He yells when you stand up, turning off the dryer and running out of the bathroom. “Hey! I was helping you. You can’t hurt me!”
“You were making fun of me.” You correct, tackling him onto your bed. Jeongin screeches when your fingers poke into his side, screaming louder when you lift his shirt up and blow raspberries on his stomach.
“This is bullying!” He shouts, holding your shoulders when your face hovers above his. “You hate me.”
You press a quick kiss to his cheek, smiling when he giggles. “Mhm, so much.”
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ihatedtoadmit · 3 months
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When life keeps kicking you down
pairing: OT8 x gn! reader (platonic or romantic, could be either)
genre: angst, hurt/comfort
warnings: you get bad news, use of petnames (baby, yeobo, etc.), i am biased and it shows
word count: ~1.8k
summary: Somehow life thinks giving you and your family two horrendous news on the same day is fun and fine, something you wholeheartedly disagree with.
↳ Main Masterlist
All rights reserved. Please do not steal, repost or feed my work into AI. Thank you!
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The room was silent, something you had grown used to, having visited the extremely busy idols’ dorms frequently enough to not be surprised by now. Nothing really interested you on the TV; the dramas you usually binge-watched were replays of old episodes you’d already seen several times, and the documentaries that usually interested you just weren’t hitting the spot for some reason.
So you sat on their spacious sofa, well, more like laid on it, your back much more happy that way, and simply scrolled on your phone. A few short videos here -after having watched all recent videos of the content creators you subscribed to-, a few minutes of scrolling on your news feeds on several apps there.
The flow of time kept slipping from your grasp without your notice, as if you were trying to capture sand within your bare fingers.
A ringing sound broke you out of your mindless scrolling, bored eyes looking at the top of your phone to see someone calling: it was your mom. Not wanting to lose your head for not answering, but also wondering why she had called so suddenly, you immediately picked up, device closely pressed to your ear in search of an answer.
Oh, how you wished your hearing was wrong, that this call was just a hallucination your bored mind made up to morbidly entertain itself.
Not a single muscle in your body moved, the device still clutched in your grasp, knuckles no doubt turning white from the force, even after the call had ended long ago. The words you had heard echoed in your mind cruelly, not showing any signs of leaving.
And yet, you felt weirdly calm. No, empty would be a more fitting word.
Whereas you should have been crying, sobbing, screaming in despair or anger, you did nothing. Not even a gasp of surprise left through your open lips, only the guilt of not feeling any of those settled over you, like a chain of sin grasping onto your skin.
You felt broken, as if you weren’t functioning properly, something that only added to the weight, keeping you down.
Steps could be heard from nearby, their goal obviously you, based on their only strengthening volume. Were the boys back? But when? You didn’t hear them outside the door, something that should have been nearly impossible, with how loud they usually got, playing around with each other with no restraint.
Your name was called quietly from above, making you turn your head and look at Chan, his gaze immediately turning soft, as if he had sensed what had happened.
Not even a second later he was by your side, gently asking you to sit up, only to take you into his warm embrace and lock you in place, arms not intending to move anytime soon.  You instinctually melted into his hold, his chest holding you up safely, something you trusted him to do after knowing him for so long.
“What happened?” - he asked, voice so sweet you nearly shattered from it.
You knew he only meant good, of course he did, he was Chan after all. Even so, no words left your lips, your eyes remaining dry, chest feeling empty and void of anything, only the guilt having long nestled itself in there. So, you could only shake your head and shrug your shoulders, turning around in his arms and burying your head into his neck.
Hiding away seemed to be your best choice at that moment, something you were correct about as another person joined you two, his warm hand gliding across the expanse of your back reassuringly.
You could feel Chan shaking his head above you, a few strands of your hair gently moving around from the movement.
“Maybe our yeobo here had gotten tired from waiting for us all day long, hm?” - it was Hyunjin, voice impossibly close to you.
Not wanting to cause them needless worry, you nodded into the older’s skin, a little chuckle leaving them at that, calling you cute. Still, Chan’s hold on you tightened, as if he somehow knew you were lying.
A question popped into your head, one that would hopefully distract them from trying to interrogate you and dig down to the core of the problem.
“Where are the others?” - you asked, proud of how you sounded like your usual self. “Mh, well, Changbin and Sungie are working on their duo song, but they should be wrapping up pretty soon, since they had been really excited about our planned movie night.” - Chan answered, his chest rumbling soothingly. “Minho hyung is helping Lixie with a tricky move, although they should arrive any minute now, since they sent me back saying they were about to be done and I wasn’t needed there anymore. Minnie and Innie had actually come up with us, they just went to their dorm to get ready for staying the night here. They didn’t want to hear you whining about sweaty hugs again.” - Hyunjin chuckled, making me shoot out of my hiding place with a force. “That’s gross, of course I wouldn’t want that! You guys keep whining about it at practice too, you hypocrite!”
Chan only laughed at the dramatically gross expressions Hyunjin kept making from the mere thought of hugging while being at practice, making you laugh along with him. You had temporarily forgotten about that phone call, your worries erased along with most of your guilt, only laughter and joy remaining in its place, something that had always been the case whenever you hung out with these men.
One by one the others arrived as well, the place turning lively and loud, but loud in the good way, the way that made everything feel cosy and like home. You relished in it, soaking in it like a cat laying in a sunny spot, your dark fur turning warm to the touch.
Not a single thought about that phone call crossed your mind, or about how you were supposed to feel, the scene of Felix being smothered by Changbin’s much more muscular form way funnier in your eyes. Minho magically whipped out a tissue from somewhere, turning to a scared Hyunjin with a threatening smirk. Jisung laughed at him, only to be the next to be threatened, forcing the quokka and the weasel to run away together. Those who remained seated calmly with you loudly enjoyed it, Seungmin’s laughter being the loudest in your ears since he had decided to steal you away for a cuddle session, and who were you to say no to that.
Then, your phone rang once again, stealing everyone’s attention, yours included.
It was your sibling, making dread run down your spine, knowing fully well they would never call unless it was something serious, the two of you usually only chatting, much more comfortable with that.
No one uttered a word around you as you sat there, your form unbeknownst to you turning more and more rigid with every word uttered through the device in your hands. Unseeing eyes stared ahead, air stuck in the organ they should have left long ago, refusing to budge even an inch.
After some time, a few minutes or half an hour, you had no idea, the call ended, much like the previous one. Curious pairs of eyes were set on you, although most of them were paired with creased foreheads and furrowed eyebrows, worry clearly written on their faces.
The silent question was eventually asked by Felix, the bravest one to break the heavy atmosphere.
Words spilled out of your mouth eventually, uncertain and shaky, much too quiet for the boys’ comfort. They formed dreadful sentences, ones that talked about how not only your sibling’s pet you adored so much needed a surgery, or in the worst case scenario, that little fluff ball wasn’t even saveable and needed to be put down. By the time you had reached the part about your beloved parent, who was diagnosed with cancer and similarly to the little pet was in need of a surgery, your lips were wobbly, fat tears rolling down your eyes and carving their way down your cheeks, falling into your clothing and making it uncomfortably cling to your skin.
Everything broke inside you, all those feelings you felt like you needed to feel hours ago now rampaging inside your poor body, destroying it from the inside.
Nothing felt fair, as if the universe specifically had chosen you and your family to suffer with the way things had been going lately, these two horrible news only adding to it considerably.
“Hey, baby, can you listen to my voice? Let it all out, just breathe with me, mkay?” - Chan’s deep whisper reached your ears, his strong arms wrapped around you once again, replacing his younger member’s gentle hold.
His presence merely caused the dams to break more, something you thought was impossible, yet it happened all the same. Through extremely blurry vision you spotted the one you sought after, arms raised and hands making grabby motions towards his direction. That was all he needed to understand your silent request, the quokka settling into your hold and hugging you from the front, not caring how you buried your head into the crook of his neck and dirtied his clothes with snot and tears, or even the dangerously tight hold you had on his clothes, the fabric on the verge of tearing apart. 
He merely held you as you sobbed there, joining Chan’s little hums, the two knowing how much it usually calmed you down.
And as you were sandwiched between the two, letting your sorrows out, the others gathered around and held onto any body part they could, even if it was only your pinky. They all held onto you tightly with no exception, Hyunjin and Changbin wiping your tears away gently once you had lifted your head up, even though their faces were just as wet, empathy running through them with a vicious force.
The others weren’t better off, the aussies and Jisung openly crying along with you, while Innie sat besides you with teary eyes. And while Minho and Seungmin weren’t on the verge of tears, you knew that didn’t mean they didn’t care. No, of course not, otherwise the glass of water and your favourite snack that were pressed into your hands gently, yet firmly, would mean nothing.
Even after hours of just staying there, of just listening to them gently talk to you, you remained silently in your place, the warmth that enveloped you from all directions much too precious and comfortable to pass up.
Maybe you would be fine, you kept telling yourself, the little voice of hope agreeing inside your muddled mind.
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houpss · 15 days
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Skz as romantic tropes hyung line ver.
thanks for the idea to my wonderful friends
maknae line¡!
gender neutral reader
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Bang Chan.
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"Friends to lovers"
Song:Older–Isabela Larosa
You and Chan have been friends for a long time, literally since childhood. You were always proud of him, simply because he does so much and takes on so many responsibilities since he was a child. You were always with Chan when needed. He considered you his ideal younger friend!
When he flew out to train at JYP ENTERTAINMENT, you wanted to fly with him, but there was no way. He promised to write to you! You missed him so much it was beyond words. You corresponded a lot, called each other and you were proud of Chan for his success in producing, singing, dancing and rapping. You're so proud of this guy. You guided Chan down the right path, even when he didn't see the point in it, and you were in Australia and he was in Seoul. You wanted to surprise him and fly to Seoul when Stray kids debuted as a group. Chan shared all the moments with you and you personally knew all the members because Chan showed you to them in your video calls. The times of debut were difficult, Stray Kids were not understood or accepted, but you believed that a great future awaited them.
I think you and chan will start a relationship at the beginning of his debut. Your relationship will begin very carefully and tenderly, perhaps both of you will be afraid of your feelings. This relationship will be strong and sincere, you have known each other all your life! you understand him perfectly, just as he understands you. Your connection is much stronger than it really is.
You will stay in Seoul with Chan, both of you will work on your relationship and rebuild it in a romantic way. Will you become his muse forever? you are his aphrodite.
(The members love you no less than Chan)
Lee Minho.
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"Enemies to lovers"
Song:Sex for homework–MSI
You are in high school, and in your class there is a very smart and confident guy named Lee Minho. It's a strange name.
This guy with the weird name is always picking on you, whether it's because you have the wrong clothes or because you're too loud. Last time he slapped you because you dyed your hair too brightly, as if it was a distraction from your studies. You and Minho always had arguments and conflicts, but you didn't deny that he was handsome and sexy. You used to hit on him, to which the guy would just snort and call you names. You had a desire to get him, even though he pissed you off beyond belief. You deliberately followed him around and he asked you to get off. By the way, Minho also felt sympathy for you, a very strong sympathy, but he hid it under a mask of aggression and dislike.
One day, you followed him to the bathroom, he was very annoyed about it, but you didn't care so much. You trapped him in the restroom against the wall, your hands on his waist and your tongue slowly traced a path from his earlobe to the collar of his shirt. You left a hickey on his neck and successfully disappeared and stayed out of his sight for days.
Minho appreciated what was in the restroom, he liked it..Maybe thisAfter this incident you are ashamed of him, God, how shameful! he will take advantage of this and tease you, now he is flirting with you, not you with him. He will be so open with you, he is even romantic. hatred would turn into ardent love?
Your relationship is so chaotic and hot! Minho literally teases you so much and gives you love and hate at the same time.
"Let's go kiss in the toilet, and then we'll paint the walls in the classroom? - "Let's go, my love"
Seo Changbin
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"School Love"
Song: Talking To the moon–Bruno Mars
At first, you didn't notice Changbin as much as he noticed you. This continued until high school. As is usually the case:After summer vacation, you returned to school and discovered how handsome Changbin had become, literally everyone noticed. He was getting a lot of attention. This is your last year at school, are you ready to let him go when you first felt the attraction?He was so sweet and talkative and had a protective and understanding vibe about him. You fell in love more and more
Changbin never noticed you, you spoke literally a few times throughout your years of high school. You wanted to get Changbin's attention like so many other girls. No! Changbin is not an arrogant and "cool" guy, he won everyone over with his kindness and simple-mindedness, and he has many friends.You were friends with his friends and wanted to be closer to Changbin.
You tried to talk to him many times, but it never worked. He was unavailable to you, your pipe dream. As the year approached, would you continue to look at him and keep silent about your feelings?
Hwang Hyunjin.
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"Second chance"
Song: touch–cigarettes after sex
You and Hyunjin dated during your high school days, Hyunjin was always popular with guys and girls. Your relationship was always the center of attention, something like that would never hide, Hyunjin was so cool and sexy. That's a mistake.
It was stupid to trust a guy like that, but doesn't love forgive everything? Almost at the end of the school year you caught Hyunjin with some girl, they were making out or so it seemed to you.
Hyunjin tried to explain everything to you, he wanted to prove that it wasn't true, he loved you! But you didn't want to listen, you were upset by his actions.
You left Korea and Hyunjin stayed behind, he became a traini.
A few years later, about five years later, you will hear about him as the most popular member of the Stray Kids, as a talented dancer, rapper, singer and VERSACE Ambassador. Your heart stabbed with pain and old memories that were stored under a crust of dust and unforgotten pain resurfaced in your mind. You could never admit to yourself that your affection and love for Hyunjin never went anywhere, but only grew stronger with the separation, it's like he's your addiction. One day you fly to Seoul as a model for fashion week and you meet Hyunjin's eyes. Oh my god, he missed you. He hasn't forgotten you over the years, he's never forgotten you. You're firmly planted in his memory, he even dreamt about you.
It would be silly if you didn't talk and find out about everything. Starting a new relationship and trust is difficult, but in time everything will come back. Hyunjin is more masculine and serious, he'll get his own back. You're his.
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rummels · 22 days
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weight on my shoulders
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relationships: platonic Reader & Chan & Changbin word count: ~2300 warnings: none tags: fluff, platonic intimacy, gender neutral reader summary: You're in a weird and uncomfortable headspace, your friends and flatmates Chan and Changbin help you with lots of soft affection and understanding.
read on ao3
You quietly plod into the living room, your feet hidden in thick fluffy socks causing you to sneak up to the couch unnoticed. Your frame is completely concealed by an oversized hoodie that reaches down to the middle of your thighs, tickling the back of your bare legs a bit when you stop a short distance away. You’re not sure if you like the feeling, it feels a bit like tiny zips of static prickle against your skin where the fabric brushes against you just the tiniest bit. It causes you to frown, huffing a tiny breath out of your nose. Everything feels a bit…off. The figure sitting on the couch hadn’t noticed you until now, engrossed in some TV show or movie, but the quiet noise makes the man look over to you.
“Hey,” Chan says softly, a warm smile tugging on his lips.
“I didn’t even notice you coming in. You wanna join me?”
He pats the space next to him in invitation, raising his eyebrows slightly in question and rearranging his position a bit so his legs are not stretched out across the couch. You tilt your head in a curious gesture and nod slightly, shuffling over and plomping yourself into the newly vacated spot, immediately leaning into Chan’s side. It’s not uncommon for you to seek out physical contact with your best friend and flatmate, the both of you sharing and enjoying skinship in a very loving yet platonic way.
It’s quiet for several minutes, Chan again taken in by whatever is shown on TV. You couldn’t care less, your brain going both zero and a thousand miles per minute, leaving you feeling a little overwhelmed and disoriented, not really knowing what to do with yourself while thoughts zip around in your head without you really being able to grab onto a single one of them. Chan’s hand unconsciously wanders across the back of the couch to you, his fingertips starting to slowly comb through the hair at your neck. You let out a low hum and close your eyes. This is nice. Somehow grounding. Just the tiniest bit, you push your head against the touch to encourage it and let Chan know to not stop his ministrations. He looks over to you again.
“Are you okay?” He looks a bit concerned. Usually you’re much more talkative, especially after a long day at work, wanting to share whatever annoyed or excited you that day or simply let out your annoyance about some frustrating project or other. Your brain rambles at you from the moment you wake up and simply letting your thoughts out and sharing them is often very relaxing to you, especially when you don’t have to be worried about being written off as an annoying chatterbox. Which you never have to worry about with Chan. Never had to, actually. So your continued silence is definitely raising some worries in your attentive friend.
You look at him, obviously giving the answer some thought before you scrunch your nose up and nod-shake your head in a definitely a little weird display of uncertainty. Immediately, Chan tunes in on you more, his whole body angling towards you a bit more while he studies your face.
“Did something happen?”
You shake your head no.
“Are you having a bad day?”
You shake your head again.
“Hm…are you getting sick?”
Again, a definite no, you shake your head.
“So simply a bad day maybe?”
You begin to negate that too when he hastily adds “You know that would be okay too, yeah? You can have a bad day without any reason and it’s still okay and valid. Some days are just fucked.”
A small grin sneaks onto your face, knowing he is about to quote one of those silly motivational Tiktoks you both send each other sometimes. He grins back, relieved at seeing your reaction.
“And there’s no way to unfuck them. Try again tomorrow,” he says and can’t stop himself from giggling a bit before ruffling your hair affectionately. You clear your throat, it feeling a bit scratchy after actually being silent for quite some time – you hadn’t even consciously realized that until now.
“Don’t worry, I’m not feeling bad, I’m just –“ You try to find the right words, frowning a bit, “-off? I don’t know,” you trail off, hoping he might understand. You yourself are not even able to understand it but Chan is smart, he gets people. And maybe he understands. Even if not, you know you don’t have to worry, he will simply accept it and will not try to force something out of you just for the sake of his own peace of mind.
You are proven right when he softly nods his head, his eyes deep in thought until he snaps back to you and gifts you one of his blinding smiles. “Come here, babygirl,” he says while pulling you over and manhandling you into a cuddling position against his side, halfway in his lap, his hands again finding themselves in your hair again. You make a little squawking noise at the pet name but your weird aversion to speaking right now is definitely not helping your protest. Factor in that Chan knows how much you actually secretly like the term of endearment? You’ve got no ground to stand on. The voices in your head have just started to discuss if this is something to be happy or disgruntled about when you feel his fingernails scratch against your scalp and you think you could start purring like a fucking cat any second now. Fuck this. There’s no snark left in you right now to defend yourself and you actually start to feel a tiny bit more like yourself so why bother?
Chan goes back to watching his show while holding you against himself, switching between softly combing through your hair with his fingers and giving you head scritches. You feel weirdly small, which seems a bit ridiculous to you considering you’re actually exactly the same height as him and also not exactly small in any other way. But it’s so nice, you melt more and more into him, your eyes drifting shut every now and then until your weird brain swirls manage to drag you up again.
By the time the front door opens and closes again, it has turned dark outside and Chan perks up, looking over the back of the couch towards the hallway.
“YA!” A shout echoes through the apartment, announcing the arrival of Changbin as he throws his backpack somewhere into the hallway.
You flinch at the sudden noise, also moving your head a bit but Chan suddenly has a rather firm grip in your hair and keeps you in place. Eyes widening, you feel like your pulse is suddenly going down in a very relaxing way. What the hell? The effect is too nice to fight against though, so you decide to go with it and stay where you are. Maybe Chan really does know best. Your own brain definitely doesn’t feel like it’s able to deal with any responsibilities and decisions right now.
“Tone it down, Binnie.” Chan’s voice vibrates against the side of your face. Huh, when did you slide all the way over to rest your face against his chest? You instinctively try to perk up again in surprise, you’ve also started to develop a bit of crick in the upper part of your back from the position you were in. This time Chan lets you but keeps his hand at the back of your neck which you are weirdly thankful for. Changbin chooses that moment to stick his head into the room and, seeing the two of you cuddled up on the couch, wiggles his eyebrows in a suggestive manner while smirking like the little gremlin he sometimes tends to be.
“You’re trying to win them over while I’m not home? Unfair business, Christopher,” he playfully scolds Chan and again you manage to smile. Yay, an emotion!
The two of them like to put up a whole charade of pretending to heroically and dramatically trying to win your heart over, each trying to ‘win’ against the other. All three of you are very much aware of the fact that this is all a game. You love them both to bits, would probably gladly cut off your own hand for them if the situation demanded it. But you’re also all very safe in the knowledge that nothing sexual would ever come into your relationship. Between you preaching about open and honest communication, Chan’s will to provide and care and give love and Changbin’s absolute lack of any kind of shame or reservations when it comes to feelings and affection, the three of you have created a very nurturing and loving environment in your shared apartment.
Chan’s chuckle is audible next to you before he speaks. “No wooing today, I’m just trying to cuddle y/n’s brain into submission because we’re feeling a bit weird today,” he explains, his thumb rubbing small circles into the soft skin under your ear while his hand lays on your neck.
“Oh no, do we have a scrambled brain today?” Changbin sits down next to you on the couch and leans closer, peering into your face like it may just give him all the answers on its own. You nod and pull a frowny face.
“They don’t like to talk right now.” Chan lets you out of his arms as you reach over for Changbin, going to lean your forehead against his big shoulder. But he reaches down and cups your face in his hands, holding it and looking at you while obviously thinking something over.
“Can I try something?” he ends up asking. “It might help but you need to tell me if you feel uncomfortable with it today, you know I will not be mad if you do, right?”
Having no clue which brilliant idea he has cooked up underneath those fluffy curls, you nod your head in agreement. You don’t need to worry, that much you definitely know.
Changbin hurries to shoo Chan off the couch and pushes you down with sure hands until you’re fully laying down. You only manage to look up at him for a couple of seconds before he is once again pulling and pushing at you until you end up on your stomach. He also tugs at your hoodie a bit until it doesn’t form any big creases against your body anymore and then you feel a warm hand at the small of your back.
“I will lay down on top of you now, is that okay?”, he asks softly and you feel a flutter of excitement in your chest. Yes. That would be perfect actually. Suddenly the fact that he’s not already settled on top of you seems almost cruel to you and you wiggle around a bit, nodding your head in clear agreement and permission.
He can’t help but poke your butt – of course he can’t – before crawling over you and then slowly letting all of his weight push down against you. You let out a small grunt of contentment, the air getting pushed out of your lungs and you feel like your bones turn into liquid. Perfect. This is exactly what you needed. Like putting on 3D glasses in the cinema, two separate yet connected, overlayered parts of yourself seem to finally slot together and begin to form a coherent version of yourself again. Changbin moves around a tiny bit still, finding the perfect spot and position to rest in while you turn your head to the side, peering into the dimly lit living room, your eyelids fluttering a bit.
Chan moves into your field of vision and crouches down to be at eye level with you. He’s got his signature ‘proud loving parent’ smile on and usually you would tease him for it – to hide how much you absolutely love get looked at like that – but right now it’s perfect for your mushy brain. He reaches out and tugs a bit on your hood.
“Would you like to put that on?”
You feel even less like talking right now, your body and mind almost like molasses. It’s a sweet, heady feeling and you smile, blinking slowly once and hoping he understands. He cocks his head to the side and raises an amused eyebrow.
“Is that a yes?”
You give a slow long blink again, probably smiling like an idiot. He chuckles and reaches over, slipping your hood over your head and arranging it in a way that makes you peek out of it like a little ferret out of its den. The fact that they know you so well, aware that you like to have your hearing muffled sometimes, feeling safe inside your hoodie, makes you so happy that you give another slow blink while contently scrunching up your nose with a smile. Chan boops it with his finger and stands up.
“You okay down there?”, you hear Changbin checking in from somewhere on top of you and you give a tiny wiggle so as to not accidentally throw him off of you but still answer his question ….somehow.
“Perfect. Just let me know when I should get up again, please don’t just yeet me off when it gets to be too much, alright?”
You wiggle again, completely settling in now and closing your eyes. Your head is not quiet, it never is when you’re awake. But right now there’s only a soft song buzzing in the back of your mind – you probably heard it somewhere on your way home – while you think about the new movie that’s running in the cinemas and you wanted to go to with both Chan and Changbin, your mind switching over to remember the time you all went to Changbin’s problematic cousin’s birthday party last month to crash it as a fake throuple, nearly sending the whole conservative side of his family into a collapse. Also there’s this brownie recipe Felix shared with you, maybe you’re gonna try that out tomorrow…
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darlingsaybonvoyage · 8 months
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BF!Stray Kids and Outlast
Idk what else to name it lol I was playing outlast and writing this at the same time- I've played this game over and over, and it still scares me each time akshdh
cw / minor spoilers for the game outlast, mention of Can Your Pet during Felix's
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Buy me a coffee?
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tr0p1cal · 9 months
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The Star || series list
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a collection of smau stories all set at the same cafe and the same friend group
General warnings and genres: smau, coffee shop au, slice of life, college au, non idol au, fluff, angst, sexual themes, language, talk and use of alcohol
note: while the series is ordered, you can technically read it in any order or just one as a stand alone. There will be references to other stories and some things will continue throughout the whole series, so keep that in mind! <3
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Bang Chan
Status: tbt
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Lee Know (Minho): cats got your tongue
Status: ongoing 23/9/23-active
2/8
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Seo Changbin: buy me a drink first
Status: completed 13/7/23-23/9/23
1/8
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Hwang Hyunjin
Status: tbt
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Han Jisung
Status: tbt
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Lee Felix
Status: tbt
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Kim Seungmin
Status: tbt
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I.N (Jeongin)
Status: tbt
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tag list is always open! ty for your support <3
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asherthehimbo · 5 months
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Arm day
changbin x gn!reader
tried to keep it as vauge as possible when it came to description, only specific is that the reader is smaller than Changbin in terms of muscle
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•It started with you wanting to get more fit without doing cardio because you hated it, so, so so much. Well, I mean, you didn't hate running or going on a walk but running on a treadmill?? forget it
•You knew you wanted to change something about your body, but you weren't sure what, that's when you remembered, you have a gym rat of a boyfriend.
•Your first plan of action was to observe him, so you went to the gym with him telling him you wanted to see his routine, not entirely true, not a lie either.
•While he was distracted you managed to get yourself a subscription, you had committed, no going back now.
•You would go every day after work, telling him that your hours had changed, you wanted to surprise him, build enough muscle to be able to keep up with his routine so you two could train together, your only problem? you HATED doing arms. more than cardio, ok maybe not more than cardio but still, it was close.
•But still, if you wanted to keep up with your boyfriend you needed to do this, you don't know where this urge to workout came from, but it was welcomed.
•While you were struggling at the gym, your boyfriend was struggling at home, you had told him your work schedule changed, that he understood, but when you came home you were always sweaty, out of breath, didn't want to touch him until you've had a shower, which was weird because you've NEVER refused a welcome home hug from Binni, ever.
•This caused your dramatic boyfriend to draw even more dramatic conclusions. When you came home that day tired out of your mind because not only did your boss give your ×2 the work today, but you also upped the sets in your usual routine, you didn't immediately notice that something was off with Changbin.
•It was only after you showered, dressed in Pajamas, and ate dinner with Binnie in front of the tv did you notice something was off. So, as the caring partner you were, you decided to ask .
•"Everything okay? you're weirdly silent, babe."
•"I don't know why don't you ask your new lover?"
•"what?"
•cue the confusion. After an hour of reassuring him that you in fact were not cheating on him, especially not having sex everyday after work, he decided to ask. "Well then what are you doing?"
•You knew the work excuse wouldn't hold up forever, but you wished it would have lasted longer than this. "Well… remember when I went with you to the gym a few months ago? I kinda wanted to start training, too. But I didn't want to tell you because I wanted to get in shape enough to follow your routine so we could go to the gym together, like a couple activity. With your traveling and my work, we can't have as many dates as we usually would, so I thought this would be fun. I wanted to surprise you, yaknow? You already do so much. I thought you would like this. But now it's ruined :/"
•You didn't look at him while you said it, but after the words left your mouth and you glanced up at him, he was staring at you with his eyes filled with so much adoration and the biggest smile, you were sure his cheeks were going to hurt later.
•Before you could even try and say another word, he grabbed your face and gave you a very long kiss. You had to tap his chest to let him know that 'hey, humans need oxygen dummy'
•"What was that for?" "I just love you so much" "I love you too Bin, but aren't you mad?"
•He was in pure disbelief, why would he be mad, you were actively trying to participate in something that was a big part of his life, you were showing him that you cared. Instead of answering he just pulled you next to him, in a tight hug and wouldn't let you go.
•Once you were in his grip he stopped in his tracks, squeezing you a few times, until he spoke again "If you were building muscle why are you wearing baggy clothes?"
•You stare at him dumbfounded, "I did tell you I wanted to surprise you, It wouldn't be much of a surprise if you saw growing muscle Bin." ok, yeah, that checked out.
•The next day Changbin excitedly jumped up and down in the gym, showing you off to the staff going "LOOK, LOOK, LOOK AT MY PARTNER" you didn't see the need since they already knew you, but let him have his fun nonetheless, he was to cute to stop.
•Sadly today was arms :(, you hated this, or so you thought. Watching Changbin work on his arms, completely forgetting about your own workout you came to a conclusion.
•Maybe arm day wasn't that bad.
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Stray kids masterlist | Home page
Notes: I wrote this while at the gym :) It's cringy and doesn't completely make sense, but because of the reaction to my Jongho drabble, I got the motivation to write something so here is this.
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writingpei · 1 year
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skz as romantic tropes
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⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎… ⋙ bangchan | 방찬: best friends to lovers
↳ when chan starts to fall for you, he can't help but to run away, terrified his feelings are going to ruin the friendship you two have
lee know | 리노: fake relationship
↳ when a guy starts being creepy towards you at your job, minho jumps in and does what he can to protect you from it
changbin | 창빈: secretly dating (coming soon...) hyunjin | 현진: unrequited love
↳ hyunjin is really hooked on you, the only problem is you don't believe him
han | 한지성: brother's best friend
↳ you make a mistake and go somewhere you were not supposed to. when you call your brother to pick you up, however, his best friend is the one who answers
felix | 필릭스: soulmates
↳ you dreamt about felix your entire life, but your fear about him not being real and only existing inside your head gets the best of you. good thing felix is braver that you
seungmin | 승민: boy next door (coming soon...)
i.n. | 아이엔: first love (coming soon...)
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chan-gbinsimp · 8 months
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introduction
you can call me gray, and this is my blog for kpop fanfic (and potentially fanart as well). my pronouns are he/they, and I hope you enjoy!
groups/people I write for | rules for requests | masterlist
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sunboki · 2 months
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🛒 SKZ TEXTS — asking to be your valentine
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including. ot8 ᡣ𐭩
warnings. suggestive?
notes. indulged so much with this one… i don’t regret it
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sunboki, may 2022 ©
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ccawz · 6 months
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moments IV
a/n: personal fav is ksm <3 my baseball boy 🩷
warnings: some sad themes in Minho, Felix, and Jeongin’s (mostly Lix) slight nudity in hyunjin’s (not explicitly, it’s implied!)
ot8! x gn!reader (no pronouns mentioned) established relationships | 1.1k total wc
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“Do you think our parallel universe selves are together?” Chan asks quietly, watching patiently for a shooting star to cross the night sky.
Your hand brushes against his, sand follows with it, and you start to regret laying on the sand without a blanket underneath. “I like to think we are.” You reply, “That in every universe I’d find you, or you’d find me, and we’d save each other like we did here.”
Chan doesn’t fight the smile that comes to his face, bringing your hand to his lips to kiss, sputtering when grains of sand land on his tongue.
A laugh comes from you, and Chan melts at the sound. He stares at you like you’re the only one in the world, and in his eyes, you truly are.
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“It’s five in the morning.”
At your groggy tone, Minho stares at the clock. Red digits blink tauntingly at him, and he fights the urge to throw the clock across the room. “It’s night over here.”
Silence falls through the line. Minho thinks you’d fallen back asleep– he doesn’t blame you. “I miss you.” He says. He’d only say it when he thinks you aren’t listening. “I want to see you so, so bad.”
He settles onto his bed, looking out the window, staring at the moon who smiles back at him. He scowls. He couldn’t help it. “When I come back home to you, let’s go stargazing.”
He hears you shuffle but doesn’t speak another word. Though his lips curve into a smile when he hears you sleepily mumble out an “okay.”
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“Have you taken a break?”
You look at Changbin from the corner of your eye, your typing never stopping even when he’d lean against your desk beside you. “Yes?”
“Honey,” he says, closing his eyes in exhaustion when you don’t acknowledge him any further. “You’re going to burn yourself out if you keep this up.”
“I need you to understand something, Bin.” He nods, lowering himself to his knees to look at you. “I won’t be able to focus on you if this report isn’t done.” He nods again. “I want to be with you, I want to take a break, but I just can’t allow myself to do it right now.” He stands back up, pinching your cheek lightly with a smile.
“I’ll stay with you, maybe get some work done too. Is that okay?” You nod, grateful that he’s always understanding. Even if you’d both be working and not acknowledging each other, just being together was enough for him.
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“I think this is cruel and unjust punishment,” Hyunjin says, holding his arms up awkwardly as you mark his skin with dotted lines. “I only ate your food. I thought as a couple we could share things like that.”
“Leftovers are one thing, new food is another.” You say, slapping another sticky note on his body, smiling at the way his eyes close with irritation. “You don’t like me touching you?”
His ears flush red, but the irritation is still apparent on his face as he looks at his body littered with anatomy notes. “I do, but not when it’s study-related.”
“Don’t eat my food then.” You shrug, moving behind him. He feels the marker glide over his shoulder blades, the muscles contracting at the temperature. A kiss on his shoulder makes his body warm, “Thanks for letting me do this.”
“I didn’t,” he grumbles, then in a quieter voice, “You're welcome.”
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“Can you wash the dishes?” Jisung looks up at you with pleading eyes, then shuffles over to you when you don’t look up from the magazine in your hands. “Baby, please.”
Your hand brushes his hair back, fingers massaging his head lightly. Jisung nearly moans at the feeling, slumping against your body while your hands travel to the nape of his neck. “Why?”
“I don’t want to do them.” He laughs quietly at his confession, tilting his head when your thumb brushes over his pulse point. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” you tell him, smiling when his hair tickles your skin. “Will you do something else instead?” You ask, rubbing his back gently. “If you don’t mind.”
Jisung hums, kissing your arm softly. “I’ll take care of the laundry.”
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“When’s the last time we kissed?”
Your eyes flicker to Felix, though there’s a wall of pillows hiding him from you. “I can’t remember.” You turn over, and he’s still facing the ceiling– you’re assuming. “Do you miss me?”
Felix doesn’t respond like you want him to. He keeps quiet and stares at the ceiling decorated with glow-in-the-dark stars you two had put up when you moved in.
“I’m sorry for what I said.” He whispers. The pillow closest to your leg gets tossed to the side. “I didn’t mean it. I was angry and– and you were yelling at me, but you were crying, so I was torn between being mad and comforting you.” The pillow near your waist moved next. “I’m so sorry I hurt you.”
Finally, the last pillow moved. Felix was crying, not hiding the tears that flowed and dampened his pillow.
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“You're holding the bat wrong.” You roll your eyes at Seungmin, groaning when he comes up behind you to adjust your stance. “The way you were standing, you’d trip before you could even leave the plate.”
Seungmin smiles when you lean the slightest into him, nudging you back into place after a second. “Weren’t you a shortstop and the cleanup?”
“Yeah,” you laughed. Pointing the bat at his chest. “That’s how we met.” He smiles, leaning over your shoulder to kiss you. “I’m glad we made the bet that day.”
He quirks a brow, “You’re glad we made a bet that the loser takes the winner on a date? And your team lost?” Your elbow jabs into his stomach, a small groan of pain coming from him.
“Even if my team lost, I won 'cause I got you.”
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“Have you gotten any sleep lately?”
You hum, holding the phone between your shoulder and ear. “Can’t sleep without you.” He tuts, and even though you couldn’t see him, you knew he was wagging his finger and shaking his head.
“Baby, you need to rest.”
“I am,” you tell him. It wasn’t a lie. “It just doesn’t come as easy as it does when you’re here.” Jeongin sighs, shuffling about on his end. “Have you been sleeping well?”
“Of course, I actually have a blanket at night.” A chuckle comes from you. Jeongin succeeds in his mission of lifting your mood. “I miss you though. I can’t wait to see you again.”
You hum, smiling to yourself at his open affection. “I’ll be waiting for you.” You can hear his grin through the phone, your smile growing when he laughs quietly.
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a/n; making another member!reader vers so I can write another m!reader for this lil series (but I’ll also do a m!reader that’s non member too)
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neomujinjja · 5 months
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Changbin Spa
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pairing: Seo Changbin x reader
genre: fluff, comfort
warnings: not edited, being tired, mentions of food and eating, details about massaging body parts
synopsis: after a tiring day, Changbin decides to take care of you by drawing a bath and giving you a massage to help you relax.
── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
"I'm home" You called out as you stepped inside your apartment. Letting out a sigh, you toed your shoes off before placing your bag onto your hook.
"Welcome back" Your boyfriend yelled back from the living room. "How was your day?" he asked turning to look at you.
"Tiring" You sighed again. Falling into Changbin's arms, you laid you head onto his shoulder.
"I'm sorry, jagi" he whispered as he rubbed your back. "I'll heat you up some food and then you can take a bath" he said. Changbin maneuvered the two of you towards the kitchen. He makes you a plate of the leftovers from the previous night before leading you to a chair. Changbin kisses you on the side of the head as he leaves you to eat.
-
Changbin takes your hand, bringing you to the bathroom. You can smell lavender in the air once you've walked in. There are some candles set up around the space and a bath prepared waiting for you. "Thank you, baby" you tell your boyfriend, giving the male a kiss and hug.
"I've got you, jagi. Take your time in the bath and when you come out, I'll massage you before we head to bed" Changbin responds. The male leaves, giving you a moment to further relax. He sprays a mixture of chamomile and bergamot onto the bed. Making his way into the kitchen, Changbin heats up coconut oils.
-
You walk out of the bathroom, feeling more refreshed than when you walked in the apartment. You laid down onto your side of the bed, breathing in the linen spray. Changbin gently takes your leg and kneads upward circles. His fingers slightly digging into your skin as he works out the knots in your muscles. He works his way up your calves, thighs, and back. Changbin leaves kiss on your shoulder and neck. You fall asleep as your boyfriend's fingers go over your skin.
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joongbin · 1 year
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missed you. - s.cb ♔︎
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summary › clingy changbinnie 🧐
genre › fluff
warnings › kissing, binnie is so clingy its unbelievable
pairings › seo changbin x gn!reader
𑁍𑁍𑁍. .𑁍𑁍𑁍
2:12 A.M.
Changbin stretched with heavy eyes. Their newest comeback had been keeping the three producers on their toes. God, he missed you so much. He groaned as he put his head on the table. Jisung had left earlier since he got too tired to work on the song. Chan looked over to Changbin with a light chuckle.
“ you know you can just leave right now, right? ” He walked over to the male, patting his back.
“ .. are you sure? I don't want you to be alone, y'know? ” Changbin sat up with a frown, looking up at Chan. He didn't wanna leave Chan alone at 2 A.M., what if he accidentally slept in the studio?
“ yeah, and c'mon. i know how much you miss them. ” Chan chuckled again when he saw Changbin's pout with the tips of his ears turning red.
“ yeah, yeah. Don't stay up too late, m'kay? ” Changbin packed his belongings in to his bag before leaving. Chan waved bye to him with a smile. Bang Chan closed the door since Changbin forgot to and got back to work.
𑁍
Changbin opened the door to see you laying on the couch, on your phone, blanket over you with the AC on. He closed the door behind him and put away his bag before laying on top of you.
“ so early? you usually come back by 3. ” You kissed his head while playing with his curls. He groaned and pouted before looking at you.
“ i missed you ... I didn't see you all day, y'know. ” He frowned. You chuckled lightly, patting his back.
“ i know, i know. I missed you too. Why don't you shower first before we sleep, okay? ” You cupped his cheeks before kissing him on the lips.
Changbin perked up slightly. He sat up and walked in to the bathroom to take a shower while you tried to relax your muscles. Having a buff man on your entire body hurts like hell.
𑁍
Now in the bedroom, the living room had all lights closed. Changbin got out of the shower with boxers and a sleeveless shirt. He dried his hair with a towel and hung it before jumping on the bed, beside you. The shower had woken him up, but he still needed to sleep.
“ baby, can we sleep now? ” Changbin held on to your arm, his voice sounding groggy. You hummed, shutting your phone off.
“ close the lights first. ” Changbin whined before obliging. He stood up from the bed and turned off the lights. He then laid down in front of you, wanting you to hold him instead.
You had an arm over him only, so he decided to take matters in to his own hands. Changbin wrapped an arm around you with a leg over yours. His head nuzzled in to your neck.
“ goodnight bin. ”
𑁍𑁍𑁍. .𑁍𑁍𑁍
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fivestar-outlaw · 4 months
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Depollute Me, Gentle Angel (Seo Changbin)
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Pairing: Seo Changbing x GN! Reader (Non-Idol AU)
Words: 7.0k+
Warning(s) (PLEASE READ FOR THIS ONE): Heavy themes of abuse (Verbal, Emotional, Physical, Sexual) (I try not to describe active scenes of abuse, just describing the moments after them via narration and dialogue), Angst, Hurt/Comfort, depressed thoughts, implications of thoughts of suicide, anxiety.
A/N: I was feeling emotional and recallin' my own life and inspiration struck when listening to one of the songs that inspired this. I'm not particularly happy with how it turned out, but it was also a nice, cathartic write. I wanted to make it soft and comforting, so I hope I captured that.
Also this was just going to be a one-shot, but i kinda want to write a Changbin 3rd person POV to go with it...
Summary: Two strangers going through similar circumstances find solace in each others company on a run-down park bench.
Songs: We Will Never Have Sex by Leith Ross & Cherry Wine by Hozier
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The warm air that still lingers at the beginning of fall caresses your face. You walk to a nearby, run-down park, needing to get away from your apartment... from the memories that are starting to wear you down. There is a dull ache in your hips, but you pay it no mind. It was a familiar pain to come about on Saturday afternoons. Your hand briefly glides along your neck, and you can still feel the indents of fingernails in your flesh.
You walked through the small park that clearly lacked any care or attention. Plants were overgrown, most of the benches were too broken down to be sat on, the fountain didn't work, and the small playground was closed off save for the swings. For those reasons, it was a quiet park, perfect for you to temporarily escape your reality and memories with him.
You come across a worn-down bench that seems sturdy enough and less rotten than the others.
'Good enough.' You shrug to yourself and sit down on the bench with a heavy sigh. Your mind flashes back to early and the roughness your not-boyfriend boyfriend gave your body. Something he had started doing every Saturday afternoon before his night shift since he and you got together. You still weren't entirely sure if you and he were even a couple. At the start, you thought so, but as time passes... and you've noticed how disinterested he is in you on the rare dates... you're starting to think he is only using you for your body. Even if you said no, he'd guilt trip and make you feel bad until his words either wore you down into consenting or became thinly veiled threats.
You had no one to talk to. Your mind always said it was on you for giving in, so that stopped you from reaching out. You knew deep down what your partner was doing wasn't right or consensual. Still, you deluded yourself for so long into thinking that whatever you two shared was just normal. You've grown tired of it now, sure, but there is that lingering fear that when you speak to someone, they'll just blame you. They'll just stick to the fact that you said yes, even if that yes was forced from you.
You gently shake your head. You came to the park to get away, not recall the shit you're in.
You stared out at the dilapidated park and the afternoon sky. Despite the lack of care, the overgrown vegetation did look pretty. You find yourself not focusing on your surroundings, and your mind starts to slip into a dissociative state. It was a way to comfort yourself after the rough treatment you got. Your mind was blank as your eyes stared out. It was nice. It-
"Excuse me... Can I sit here?" A man's voice snapped you out of your comforting state. You look up to him, not speaking as you return to reality. You take in his appearance. His dark hair looked like it had a nice wave, and his eyes were a rich, dark brown. He wore all black, both his ears were pierced once, and he seemed to have a smaller stature, yet clearly, by his muscles, he worked out to some degree. Your eyes also spot the red mark on his cheek, but you don't let your gaze linger on it. His lips parted again as he spoke. "The other benches are too damaged... this is the only one with open space..."
You blink, and your mind fully clears away the dissociation. His voice trails off when he finishes speaking. His eyes flicker to your neck and then back to your face. He bites his bottom lip and looks away momentarily before looking back at you.
"Oh, sorry." You blink and offer a small smile, which you're sure looked awkward to him. "I was lost in thought. You can sit there."
"Thank you." He replies quietly and sits on the bench, keeping a distance between you both. You briefly look at his side profile, catching his distant look and that red mark on his cheek, which looks more and more like a handprint. You said nothing else. You turned your attention back to the park.
Neither he nor you acknowledge each other further and just sit in silence. You couldn't exactly ignore each other's presence. But clearly, neither of you were at this run-down park for small talk. You both had too much to think about to converse or make friends.
----
It's been four weeks since then, and you find yourself walking to that park again on a Saturday afternoon, the air finally cooling down. Your back and hips ache, and your scalp feels tender, but you didn't let that stop your new routine after your partner left for work.
You've found a great deal of comfort in that run-down park, and a lot of that comes from the man who sits next to you each time. You both still haven't spoken outside the soft 'can I sit here' question either of you will ask depending on who's there first; sometimes you are, sometimes he is. But you've found yourself enjoying the presence of someone who seems to be going through a similar turmoil as you are. And you felt confident he was feeling the same way. Even though neither of you knew each other's names, you found a sense of comfort in the time you both spent on that bench.
When you get to the bench you've deemed yours and his, the man is already sitting there, wearing all dark clothes like usual. His gaze is distant as he looks out at the park.
"Can I sit there?" You ask softly to not startle him. You've picked up that loud voices sometimes tend to make him tense.
"Of course, go ahead." He answers with a small smile, which you thought looked adorable.
You take your usual spot on the bench with a slight wince due to your back and try to untense your muscles. In the distance, you watch a few crows in the long grass, stomping their little feet to beckon worms from the earth.
"Changbin." The man's voice makes you tense a little, not expecting him to speak.
"Pardon?"
"My name is Seo Changbin."
"Oh, my name is (Y/N). It's nice to have a name to your face now." He quietly laughs at your remark.
"Well, (Y/N)... How are you?" He seemed unsure to ask his question, which almost made you laugh.
You quirk a brow, "I'd reply and then ask how you are... but I think we both know our answers."
He chuckles at that, which makes you crack a smile. There is a pause before Changbin speaks again.
"Why do you keep coming back to this park?"
"Well...It's peaceful and... and it is untouched." There was unintentional weight to that last word that left your lips. You wanted the focus off you now. "How about you? Why do you keep coming back?"
"It's tranquil. I don't feel any obligations here." He says with a soft smile growing on his face. You can't help but think it looks nice on him.
----
From that moment on, from your and Changbin's first actual conversation, you both would talk and get to know each other. You told him about your enjoyment of taking care of various houseplants you've taken on. You learned he liked to write and make music, and go to the gym. Favorite movies, books, shows, songs, and other things were also discussed. You found yourself smiling more now, excited to be at that bench when Saturday afternoons were always filled with feelings of guilt, shame, and self-hatred. Changbin also started coming out of his shell, and you've seen his loud, fun personality.
Yet you both clearly avoided the obvious. You saw the occasional red marks on his face each time you saw him and caught him tense up at certain sounding voices. You started to notice he was losing muscles. He said he didn't have time anymore to go to the gym. He told you how he stopped making music with his friends despite how much he gushed and talked about his rap group '3Racha,' and you had a gut feeling you knew why.
You knew he spotted things in you as well. You tensed when he accidentally touched your leg one time. You often come to the park stiff from your partner. And there were two times when you had intense-looking bites on your neck that stung and ached.
These were obvious things you both see, yet never speak on it. Neither of you wanted to burst the small bubble you both created to escape your lives.
However, this time would be hard.
You were a little late to the usual time you'd be at the park bench. You walk with a noticeable limp from your legs being held at an odd angle that stretched you to the point of pain. Your wrists were raw and tender from your partner's belt constraining them. The now cooler air nips at your arms and face. You forgot to grab your sweater, wanting simply to get out of your apartment and away from what happened.
When you got to your little slice of paradise, you saw Changbin there, but he, too, looks a little worse than usual. He adorns a slap mark on his cheek that is bright and intense. There was a small cut on the cheek within the handprint. You see a little red around his right eye, and you can tell it will form a bruise later on. He's already watching you approach the bench, so you know he saw your limp.
"Can I sit here?" Your voice feels and sounds scratchy and raw.
"Of course." And his voice is small and meek, not like the boisterous one you started hearing in the previous weeks.
You sit down with an audible groan, and there is a silence between you both, just like how it used to be the first few weeks of coming here. There was tension. The all too obvious for both of you was too blatantly clear to avoid this time. You both were in a melancholic state. You swallow thickly and decide to be the one to talk first.
"My boyfriend? Well... I don't even know what to call this relationship I have with him anymore but... he came over today we had sex like we always do. He's rough and he likes my body before he goes into work on Saturdays whether... uhm... whether I really want to or not." You unload all of what you've kept tucked away to Changbin. You immediately felt a sense of guilt. "I'm sorry-"
"My girlfriend needed a ride to her job today." He cut you off, turning a little to face you. The bench creaks at the movement. "But I couldn't. I had to get to a doctors appointment. She... she got really mad that I wouldn't cancel my appointmet."
Thick silence falls over you both. You look into his glossy eyes. This would be the day you both would finally talk about why you both truly came to this park.
It was as if the floodgate you both had finally cracked and broke. You both talk about your lives with your respective partners. You told Changbin about your partner's harsh words and manipulative behavior when you say no to sex. You don't go into detail about what he does to you, but you talk about the pain you feel during and after. You tell him how your boyfriend ignores your cries of pain and your tears when he gets too rough, or sometimes he even laughs at your face.
He, in turn, told you about all that his girlfriend does. He recalls the harsh and cruel names she uses to belittle him. He talks about the frequent slaps. When she was especially angry, like today, she'd turn her ring to face her palm to further hurt him. He mentions her restricting the things he likes to do, like making music or going to the gym, in favor of being with her or giving her rides. Changbin told you how she'd accuse him of cheating yet smell like a different man's cologne when they were together.
Emotions were high between you both, but you could see in each other's eyes this was needed for Changbin and you. The relief shared had weights lifted from you and him. There is a shared silence as you both digest everything.
"Why haven't you told anyone?" You ask softly, breaking the quietness. You make sure to hold no judgment in your voice. "This is me wanting to understand. Everyone has their reasons for not sharing. Don't feel obligated to share with me either."
"She isolated me from my family and my friends. Chan and Hannie try to reach out to me,, but I have ignore them. She...She goes through my phone, and if I am not putting my whole focus on her, she gets angry. I don't even talk to my sister or mom as frequently as I used to." He answers your question and then sighs. He looks so vulnerable right now, and that made your heart clench. "It also doesn't help I am a man and she is a woman...I guess it is a cruel way for her to show me I'm hers and she's mine."
You nod in understanding and then ask a follow-up question. "Are the people that were in your life ones to judge you? From what you've told me about them, they seem like nice people."
"They are." A small smile grows on his face, which you are happy to see. "They are wonderful people, it's just my girlfriend. She has planted in my head a seed of doubt. She always tells me after she slaps me, no one would ever believe me because of how I look and whatnot."
"I understand that completely, Changbin." You give him a sympathetic smile. His situation really did sound similar to yours. Before you can speak further, he asks you the same question.
"What about you? Have you told anyone?"
"No, I haven't for almost the same reasons as you. I know my friends and family wouldn't judge me for what my boyfriend does to me. Yet my warped, irrational thoughts keep telling me I can't because... what? I essentially say yes... I'm consenting, right?" Your voice wavers, sounding unsure. "That's what he tells me after a particularly rough session. I've grown tired of it. I'm tired of feeling used, polluted, and rotten."
"I'm sorry you're going through all that, (Y/N)."
"I'm sorry your girlfriend treats you that way, Changbin. You don't deserve to be belittled, harmed or kept from your friends and family."
"You don't deserve the treatment you get either." He adds. "You shouldn't feel forced or threatened to have sex. You shouldn't feel used by the person your with."
It was silent again. You feel tears burn your eyes, and when you glance at him, you see his eyes are to the brim with tears, too. You've grown adverse to touch now, but you craved something softer than what your partner puts you through. You place your hand on the bench, palm to the sky, and look at him. You invite him in as your choice and let him choose to reciprocate.
Changbin slowly brought his hand close to yours. He carefully intertwined his fingers, taking his time when he felt you tense. He gently squeezes your hand, and slowly, you relax. It was nice, just holding a person's hand like that. Changbin's hand is calloused, yet it is soft and comforting to you.
"Why did you tell me?" He questions you with curiosity in his voice.
"Because I could tell when we first met we are both going through similar things. I figured I could trust you to not tell and you would understand the most. I'm sorry if that comes off assumptious but... I really like talking to you. You've made me look forward to something again."
"I'm glad. And feel the same. Seeing you after fights with my girlfriend has made life feel... lighter." He nods, and while his smile isn't quite like his usual one, it is still lovely to see. "I think I want to talk to my friends again."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I miss them and having a friend like you has been nice." He swallows thickly. "After talking to you about the shit I've gone through... I think I'm going to try to break up with her. Our situations are so similar and if I can't stand you being with your boyfriend, I know I need to break up with her... I want to tell Chan and Han why I cut ties with them and I want to talk to my mom and sister again. I don't want to be like this anymore."
"I believe in you, Changbin." You smile and squeeze his hand.
"I believe in you too." He says back, making you tense a little. "I'm-I'm not telling you to do what I'm doing because I know how hard it is. I'm just saying in case you do because I hate seeing you walk with a limp, in pain, and hurt from someone forcing you into those situations. I hope that my taking the steps I am taking will help you take the same steps as well."
Changbin's little speech left you unable to say anything for a moment. Deep down, you've been thinking of cutting ties with your partner and ending whatever he and you are. You take a deep breath and nod.
"Yeah..." You say slowly. "I have thought of leaving him, I've just been scared. I'm scared of his threats becoming true but I can't keep living like this. I can't keep feeling the way I have been or it's going to kill me one way or another."
"I believe in you." He repeats with conviction in his voice.
"I believe in us."
----
A few weeks passed since that day you and Changbin had that talk. You both helped each other plan how you'll both leave your respective relationships. You and Changbin were feeling really motivated by the build-up of this week, both by each other and because you both got back in contact with friends and family.
You had a bit of pep in your step despite being bundled up due to the cold air. Two days earlier, on Thursday, you called your partner over and cut ties. For the first time in a long time, your Saturday didn't start with dread and disgust.
When you got to the park, you felt your heart drop. A chain link fence covered with tarps surrounds the small, run-down park you've come to find comfort in. You quickly walk around and see Changbin looking at a sign hanging on the fence.
"What's happened?" You ask as you approach, glancing over the sign and then back to Changbin.
"Looks like the city is finally putting some attention on the park and they'll be keeping it closed off for a few months to fix it up completely." He answers and points to the date it is supposed to reopen. "I'm glad they are finally doing something but I already miss it."
"Yeah..." You sigh. You were really looking forward to sitting on that bench with him.
"But hey, let's get out of the cold and grab something warm to drink across the street." He seemed excited, which makes you chuckle.
"Lead the way." You see him reach out to hold on and guide you, but he stops mid-motion and gestures for you to follow him to the café across the road. You appreciated him not touching you when you've become so touch-versed.
You both order something warm and sit at a nearby table with your drinks. Just by feeling the cup, you knew it was too hot to drink, so you let it cool for a moment. When you meet Changbin's eyes, you see a much happier expression.
"I left her yesterday." He speaks in a low tone. He bites his bottom lip as if to contain his smile, his fingers tap against the mug of the tea he ordered. "I got in contact with Chan and my sister about leaving her and had them with me in case she got violent. They really helped me through the ordeal."
"That's great, Changbin." You grin and place your hand on the table. He looks down at it and then to your face. You nod, and he gingerly takes your hand, holding it gently. A feeling that makes your heart flutter. "I'm happy for you."
He gives you a look as if he was asking you how everything went on your end.
"I also cut ties with him." You say, and Changbin seems to smile in relief. "I made sure I had help from my neighbors and my best friend when I called him over on Thursday. The police were called and I've started the process for a restraining order."
"Do you think you're safe?" He looks at you with concern.
"Honestly, it's a little scary, but I think he's just all bark and no bite. I'll be fine." You smile to reassure him, and you squeeze his hand.
"I'm glad then." He grins brightly. He leans back and lifts his mug, gesturing for you to do the same. "To us."
You giggle softly with your own grin. "To us."
You clink your mugs together and take sips from your drinks. You stare at him, and he stares at you with that bright grin. You feel your heart flutter again, and he looks flustered.
You can't deny feelings for Changbin have grown over time. Now that you both were out of your toxic relationships, it seems like they are more prominent the longer you sit with him. And yet, you realize you both just got out of toxic relationships.
"What's on your mind, (Y/N)?" Changbin's voice cuts through your thoughts.
"I'm thinking about us." You reply honestly.
"I'll admit, I am too. But continue, please."
"I was thinking about how much you mean to me now. You're an amazing person who has been through a lot, and I've realized I may have feelings for you." You feel your heart clench at the thought of what else to say right now, but it's necessary. "But..."
"But we both need time to heal from what we've been through."
"Yes- wait." You give him a confused look, which makes him chuckle. You weren't expecting that.
"Just to start, I am feeling the same things you are. And I am glad we both feel the same. But, I know myself, and I know the happiness and excitement I feel now that I'm getting my life back will fade, and I'll be wondering if I did the right thing and coping with what she put me through."
"This makes things easier." You sigh in relief and smile. "I agree. As much as it pains me, but I can already tell I have a lot of work to do for myself... I don't want to jump into a relationship and end up hurting the both of us." He nods in agreement to that. "And I don't want these feelings being tied to all that happened."
You take a long sip from your drink, and so does he. You weren't sure what else to add, but it was a pleasant silence with Changbin. You glance out the window to the fenced-off park. You missed it already.
Changbin squeezes your hand, regaining your attention.
"I have a proposition. Let's spend some time a part. Let's take time to figure ourselves out. On the date the park reopens, let's meet up and see how we are."
You smile at his suggestion, and it warms your heart. "I'd like that."
----
Four months have passed since you ended things with your partner.
After finding the right therapist for you, you begin working on yourself. You needed to move from that apartment. You could hardly step foot or sleep in that bedroom anymore, and you had taken to sleeping on a cheap air mattress in the living room. Thankfully, your lease was almost up, and you managed to find a new place that was affordable. Your friends and therapist have slowly gotten you used to being touched again. You weren't sure how sex would go, but you've gained a neutral perspective on it now. You got back into old hobbies, took up new ones, and made Saturdays a day to be yourself and do what you wanted.
You felt good again about life. You knew you weren't completely okay, but you were much better than how you started. There is probably a part of you that you'll never quite get back, but that's fine. You're healed self can help nurture and support the you that gets terrible anxiety and nightmares, the you that needed softness and love during those months with your ex.
You feel your phone buzz in your pocket, and you smile. Your reminder that today's the day the park reopens is boldly on your screen. You checked the time and saw it was close to when you and Changbin would be at that worn bench. You often thought of him but were glad he didn't consume your thoughts. You had some worries that seeing him would make you remember how awful you felt back then, with those feelings being associated with him unintentionally. You pushed those worries away.
You tugged on a sweater as the cold air was still around. You grab your wallet and keys, lock your door, and walk briskly to the park. You caught glimpses between the tarps on the fences, but this would hopefully be the first time you see it complete.
It doesn't take you long to reach the park and you couldn't contain the grin at the sight. You would have thought it was a different park if it weren't for the layout of the now fully visible paths and the playground. You slowly approached the bench and felt your heart swell at the sight. It looks completely new, yet you could easily tell it was the same old park bench refurbished. You sit down on the bench, no longer does it creak, and look at your surroundings. There were kids on the shiny playground, and there even was a small parking lot that you weren't aware of beforehand. The only thing missing was Changbin.
You waited.
And you waited.
It was nearly an hour when you felt it was time to get up. The air was getting colder, and the sky was darkening with clouds. You couldn't be too upset with him. You figured Changbin was living his life to the fullest like he should. That thought made you happy.
You sit up from the park bench with a slight stretch. It is starting to get much too chilly to just be sitting down. You read just your sweater and turn to start walking home. The loud slam of a car door and an all too familiar voice shout your name.
"Wait! I'm here! I didn't forget!" You turn around and smile when you see Changbin nearly sprinting to get to you. You look at the new car in the parking lot and see two men get out of the car and lean against the vehicle.
Changbin comes to a slow halt in front of you and takes a moment to recover his breath. You see your favorite flowers in a small bundle in his hand, and you can't help but grin with your face growing warm. You look him over and see how different he was from before. His eyes looked much happier now, and from what you can tell, he has bulked up his muscles beneath the jacket.
"I-I'm sorry. I totally was going to be here earlier." He explains. "But I lost track of time making music with my friends."
"You're making music again?" You raise a brow and give him a proud look.
He chuckles and looks at you brightly. "Yeah. Chan, Han, and I are going to be releasing an album soon."
"Well I'll make sure to buy one and have you guys sign it." A cheeky, teasing smile grows on your face.
"Oh, here." Changbin hands you the flowers. "I remember you saying that is your favorite. You... You look lovely by the way."
"Thank you, you do too. I wish I brought something to give you-"
"No need at all, (Y/N). The only thing I needed from you today is to see if you're doing well." He gives you a look, and you can tell he hopes you will respond with an answer.
"I am. I moved to a new place and have been making progress on myself. Have you been well?"
"Oh yeah, I have." He grins, that beautiful grin you fell for all those months ago. "Like I said, I'm making music again with my best friends and have been sticking to my gym routine. I've been doing good."
You open your mouth to speak when you feel a few droplets of rain hit your face. Both you and Changbin curse.
"Shit, I didn't bring a sweater with a hood." You place your hands over your head.
"Here, let me." Changbin took his jacket off and lifted it over his head. He stepped incredibly close to you and held it over the both of you with a sweet smile. His smile drops, though, when he realizes the proximity. "Oh, god. I'm so sorry-"
"Shh. You're fine, Changbin. I can handle this. Plus I trust you."
"You do?"
"Of course."
"Do you... still feel those same feelings like before?" His voice is soft, and his eyes are hopeful. Your eyes scan over his face. Even in this short time reunited, you felt those familiar feelings except for the anxiety. Any negative connotation you feared wasn't there at all.
"Not all. I feel the familiar feeling of butterflies in my stomach, fondness, and love when I see you." You reply with a gentle tone. "To be honest, I worried I may remember the negative feelings I had during the time when I saw you. But I don't. I just see you, a sweet and funny guy I fell for."
"I'm glad." He beams. "Because I am feeling the same way. The second I saw you when I pulled up the park, I could feel butterflies in my stomach. But let's continue this conversation in a dry environment. I'm sure we have lots to discuss."
"What about your friends?"
"Channie can drop us off wherever." He chuckles and tilts his head in a gesture to follow him. You both walk side by side to the vehicle he arrived in, Chan and Han already inside. You get in first in the backseat, and Changbin quickly follows, the car already on and warm inside.
"Hey, it's finally nice to meet you. I'm Bang Chan." He turns from the driver's seat to wave at you. You see, he has dyed blonde hair with a slight wave.
"And I'm Jisung, but you can call me Han." The other greets you from the front passenger. He has a cute, gummy smile and dark hair.
"So, what's the plan now?" Chan asks, looking from you to Changbin.
"Oh, let's all grab dinner!" Han grins. You don't miss the look Chan gives him, which makes you chuckle. You glance at Changbin and see how he is laughing, too.
"I'd be fine with that." You shrug. "I think it would be fun getting to know your friends."
"They are a handful." He warns with a playful tone.
"Hey, more like you and Hannie are the handful for me." Chan says with mock offense. A fake argument broke out between the three of them, making you laugh loudly. You haven't felt yourself laugh like that in a long while.
Ultimately, the four of you sit in a small yet busy restaurant near the park. The three of them were certainly entertaining together, and you were glad to see Changbin having fun and being relaxed. He's not the same man who stayed behind a protective wall, who tensed when someone yelled too loudly. His handsome face doesn't adorn a recurring slap or cut. You couldn't help but smile as you watched him and Chan joke around.
"Excuse me, gotta use the restroom." Han gets up from the table, and so does Changbin.
"Me too." He adds, and you watch as the two of them head deeper into the restaurant, leaving you and Chan.
"Hey, (Y/N)?" His voice is soft when he calls you.
"Yes, Chan?" You look at him and tilt your head, noting the kind expression he had.
"I just wanted to thank you for helping Changbin out."
"Oh, I didn't do anything. He's the one that's put in the work."
"That's true, he worked on himself a lot." He cuts you off with a knowing look. "But according to Changbin, if you hadn't listened to him that day, he wouldn't have called Hannie and me over. He never told us any details, but he did say you were the first person he opened up to about what his ex put him through and you understanding him helped push him to jump over the doubt he felt."
You feel yourself tear up a little, and Chan keeps speaking.
"So please, accept mine and Han's thank you, (Y/N), for helping our friend and helping him get mostly back to his old self." He smiles at you and hands you a clean napkin as a tear falls from your eye.
"Thanks." You chuckle with a sniffle. You dab away the tears and calm yourself before Changbin and Han return.
----
"Wow, you really do have a lot of plants." Changbin chuckles as he steps inside your apartment. He follows your lead and slips off his shoes before further walking around. He looks around at your place with amazement.
"Yeah, they helped make me somewhat like my old place before." You laugh a little. "Do you need something to drink before we talk?"
"Water, please." You nod at his request and gesture for him to sit on your couch. You are quick to get him and yourself water.
After dinner with his friends, you offered to talk to Changbin alone at your place. There was a residual fear of bringing a man to your home, but you reassured yourself. This is Changbin. He respects your boundaries and waits for you to initiate contact. If you told him to never touch you, you could trust that he wouldn't.
You set down a glass for each of you on the coffee table and sit near him on your couch. You curl your legs partially underneath yourself as you angle your body to face him properly.
"So, you wanted to talk more?" You question him.
"Ah, yes." He chuckles, seeming a little nervous. "So, you still have feelings for me."
"I do."
"And how are you feeling all around? If you're comfortable to tell me."
"Well..." You lean over and pick up your glass of water. You take a long sip before sitting down. "I'm much better than I was four months ago. I moved to this place, which helped a lot. I couldn't stomach being in my old bedroom. I've been seeing a therapist who's given me a lot of skills which has helped me not be anxious. They and my friends have also helped me get exposed and used to touch again. I have bad nights and nightmares, but they aren't as frequent as they were at the start. What about you, Changbin?"
"I'm doing good. Making music and working out on the schedule I want to follow definitely kept me going." He nods. "I have a habit of overly apologizing at times, but thankfully my friends and family help keep me aware of it. I experience occasional nightmares but they are manageable. Overall, I am feeling like I how did before that relationship."
"I can tell." You smile softly. "At dinner with your friends, you were relaxed and having a good time. I enjoy seeing you smile, Changbin. You have such a nice smile."
"Oh, thanks." He has a bashful smile, and you can see faint pink dust on his cheeks. He looks down at his hands and glances at your face. "You too, (Y/N). You also have a lovely smile. I saw how you were laughing at a joke Hannie said, and I couldn't help but stare. Chan had to tap me under the table so you wouldn't catch me."
"That's adorable." You laugh softly and stare at him. There is a pause between you both now, Changbin returning your stare. You place your hand on the couch with your palm up, and he tentatively intertwines his fingers. "What... What do you want to do about us?"
"I'd like to be in a relationship with you, (Y/N)." He is blunt, but his expression and tone are still soft.
"I should warn you... I haven't exactly been intimate since everything happened. I am good with light touches and hugs, but I don't know how I will be with anything more, if that changes anything for you."
"It doesn't." He says firmly, giving your hand a squeeze. "We can take things one step at a time, at a pace you'll be comfortable, okay? Does that sound good to you?"
You look over his face and at the sincerity his dark eyes hold. It makes your heart melt at the kindness he is showing you. The kindness you've come to realize you deserve. And he deserves the same kindness back.
"It does, thank you for being understanding, Changbin. It applies to you too, you know? We can take those steps together."
"Thank you too." He smiles. You scoot a little closer, and so does he. "Why don't we make right now a date?"
You grin. "I have ice cream in the freezer. Do you want to watch a movie?"
"With you? I'd love to."
---
You feel your eyes droop as you struggle to stay awake. The movie was nearing its end; empty bowls with remnants of ice cream sat on your coffee table. You felt proud of yourself for being comfortable in Changbin's presence, but you didn't want to fall asleep around him... You didn't want to miss a second with him.
As the credits roll, you smile as you sit up from the couch to stretch your arms above your head. You glance out one of your windows and look at the time; it isn't too late into the evening to be concerned, but you know he wants to be up early tomorrow to go to the gym.
"Do you need a ride home? I can give you one."
"Chan already agreed to come get me, honey." He smiles, then it drops. "Oh, sorry, we didn't discuss calling each other pet names. It-It just came natural to me."
"Hey, don't worry, okay?" You say softly to soothe him with a kind smile. "I like it. It's cute. Just don't call me doll okay? That's what he'd call me. Are there pet names you don't want me to call you?"
"Don't call me baby is all I ask." He wears a grateful expression.
"Of course. I think I'll call you honey too." You chuckle. "Because you are just as sweet."
"Oh, stop." He says with a flustered expression accompanied by a smile. His phone dings, and he clears his throat. "Ah, looks like Channie is here." There is a hint of disappointment in his voice.
You walk to the door with him and watch him put on his shoes. You open the door, and he steps out into the cool night air before turning around with a smile on his face.
"You know, I just realized... we never swapped numbers. I was scared of my ex seeing your number in my contacts." He pulls out his cell phone, tapping the screen a few times before handing it to you. You smile and gently take his phone. You put your contact information in and give him back his phone. "Let's plan for a date soon, okay?"
"Let's do that then, honey." You smile when you see his face blush again. It made you feel warm and adventurous. "Changbin?"
"Yes?"
"Can... Can you kiss me goodbye?"
You see his eyes widen a little. He opens his mouth as if to say something but holds his tongue. Instead, he smiles softly at you and nods.
"Of course."
"Wait, what were you going to say? Please, feel honest with me."
"I was going to ask if you were sure, but I trust that you know you want to take this step." His words make your heart flutter.
"I appreciate that."
He takes a step closer to you and gives you a look as if he is asking permission to touch you. You give him a nod and suck in a slow breath when you feel his warm and calloused hand caress your cheek. He leans in closer, and you watch as he presses his lips to yours. Your eyes flutter close, breath hitching at the sensation. Your body's instincts tense, half expecting pain to follow.
But the kiss was just that. A simple yet sweet kiss that didn't make you cry.
Another ding is heard from Changbin's phone, making you both chuckle and step away from each other.
"I'll text you when I'm home. We can discuss date plans. Talk to you soon."
"Get home safely, honey." You giggle at his flushed face and smile.
"I will, honey." He laughs and gives you a longing look before he heads over to where Chan's car is. You watch until he is in the car, and they take off before closing the door.
You feel different with Changbin. You don't feel weighed down by guilt and self-loathing. You don't feel disgusted with yourself, nor do you blame yourself for anything.
You don't feel the heavy, polluted feeling you did before.
You feel that softness and love you deserve.
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