#sent it from my computer but it didn't work and so used parent's laptop | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lily-orchard · 3 months

Note

Courtney claims she kept accusing your father of enjoying hitting you until he stopped using spanking as a punishment. I don't know how true that is, but I'm wondering if there was any similar action taken to stop him spanking her. She claims she only got hit twice.

If Courtney ever stood up for me, she did it when I couldn't see it. My parents themselves make the same claim, that they supposedly argued about several of my suspensions from school. Conveniently, I was never around when this happened.

I only saw it happen once in 5th Grade when I was sent home, was walking home, and the principal was following me in his van demanding I get in (which is actually really fucked up now that I'm thinking about it, no wonder my mother screamed at him).

Other than that, I doubt Courtney's sincerity. The last time I was ever spanked was when I was eleven, because my father was convinced I had purposefully caused a burn in the carpet.

Ironically what kept Courtney from getting spanked was me. I didn't actively get in the way, just that if she did something that would have provoked violence or even screaming, my father usually just assumed I had done it instead.

The truth of the matter is that my father always had a scapegoat. Before it was me, it was my brother. He was ALWAYS getting into these petty power struggles with my brother that often ended in fistfights. My father raised his three children to be like him. So they were rude, they were nasty, they were combative, and reacted very poorly to other people pushing them around. And he was the one pushing them around.

Part of my father's damage is that his father treated his kids like shit on the basis that "It's my house and when you have your house you can call that shots." So he clearly looked forward to being King of the Castle. And when his children routinely responded very negatively to his "Fuck you I do what I want" attitude, in his mind a very personal slight had occurred because some unspoken deal had been broken.

I talked about this in the Turning Red video. Parenting isn't logical, it's ideological (did you like that sentence? I thought it flowed rather well). It's not about whether something works. It SHOULD work, and that's all that matters.

Spanking children SHOULD work, and if it doesn't you just didn't spank them hard enough.

Remember that guy who got so angry that his daughter complained about him on Facebook so he filmed himself shooting her laptop? That's the kind of nutcase we're talking about. Someone who throws a mantrum when a teenage girl bitches about him.

The reality is my parents wheeled me into every single doctor they could find trying to fix my behavioural issues. And it didn't work. Even when I saw huge progress in the inpatient facility, once I got back home I was right back to being rude and disrespectful.

Because the truth is no amount of medication or therapy is going to make you respect someone who has a completely unlikeable personality.

The core fundamental problem in the house is that my parents were complete cunts. And they wanted their kids to just ignore that and respect them anyway. But nobody ever respects someone who behaves the way they did. And no amount of demanding respect is going to warp reality and make you respectable.

You can yammer on about how you own the house and pay the mortgage, but children have no concept of what those are. What they do know is you're mean, so they don't have to be nice to you. Because that is 90% of the lessons we teach children.

But none of this computes to a man whose entire worldview is "He who owns the house is entitled to treat the occupants like shit." In his world, he was entitled to do these things, and you weren't entitled to complain about it. But we don't live in his world.

#lily orchard #courtney peet #courtney orchard #brittany johnson #britts galaxy brain #lily orchard drama #lily orchard discourse #stalking #harassment

28 notes · View notes

someinstant · 1 year

Text

Frustrated teacher stuff below the cut. Just need to vent a bit.

So this is mostly about educational technology stuff, so bear with me. If you're a teacher or have been a student recently in the US, you probably have at least a passing familiarity with the app Remind-- it's an educational app that allows teachers to create groups or classes that students (and/or parents) can join by texting a particular code to a specific number. And then the teacher can message either the group as a whole or individual students, without giving students their personal cellphone number, or having students' cellphone numbers either. AND-- and this is super important in terms of communicating with minors-- all of the messages archive and can be downloaded as a PDF, so if there is ever any question about communication with a student, you can pull it up immediately.

It's not a perfect app, but it's incredibly useful. It's free to use, although there are limits (and we'll get to one, shortly). I use it frequently, reminding students to bring their laptops to class, or communicating with students who are ill and working through Hospital Homebound programs, or any of a million other uses. I just pull up the app and text; no need to log on to my laptop.

But last week, I got an email from Remind saying that, because my school district uses Remind so heavily, we're exceeding the number of normal messages sent by a school district by about a million a month. (Which is not surprising, given our size; we're the second-largest school district in the state.) The email then goes on to say that our district has decided not to purchase a Remind Hub license, which would allow us to continue to use Remind at our current rate. Therefore, as of Monday, April 17th, our school district accounts will all collectively have a certain number of messages we can send each week. Once that cap is met, we will no longer be able to send messages until the next week. But individual schools can avoid this if they purchase their own licenses for Remind Hub!

So. Couple of things off the top: I mean, OBVIOUSLY Remind is doing this to get a contract off of my district, or off of individual schools, and that's annoying, but tech companies = companies, and companies = driven by profit motive. Second thing: the email definitely didn't give a number as to what the cap was for weekly messages, so-- that's helpful? Excellent. Good. Am I going to cause everyone in my district to not be able to communicate with students if I send two messages today? Or could I splurge and send three?

But this is what's really pissing me off: my district absolutely has the money to pay for a license. We're a wealthy district. We can afford it. I absolutely guarantee that the reason the district has chosen not to purchase a license to something that is effective, flexible, useful, proven, safe, and user friendly, is because they have sunk an ungodly amount of money into building, from fucking scratch, our own proprietary learning management system over the past several years, and they want us to only communicate with students through that system. Even though it sucks and is buggy as hell, and even though IT ONLY WORKS EFFECTIVELY ON A COMPUTER NOT A PHONE, this is how they want us to communicate with kids and parents. For everything.

Let me explain to you how stupid this is.

Beyond teaching, I'm also a faculty advisor for Beta Club. (I hate it. But whatever, it has to happen, so: we carry on.) There are currently 368 members in Beta Club at my school. (We are a large school, obvs.) With Remind, when kids join Beta Club, I give them the join code to text to a particular number, et voila! They are now in the Beta Club messaging group and I can communicate with them. To be able to do something similar with our learning management system, I have to do the following:

Create a classroom in the learning management system, and label it as Beta Club.

ADD EVERY SINGLE INDIVIDUAL CHILD IN BETA CLUB INTO THE CLASSROOM BY ENTERING THEIR LEGAL NAME AND STUDENT ID NUMBER. ONE AT A TIME. YOU CAN'T JUST FUCKING UPLOAD A SPREADSHEET, OHHHHH NO, YOU HAVE TO DO IT ONE AT A TIME.

Once you have spent several hours finding all your students and adding them into a classroom, NOW you can message them through the messaging portion of the LMS.

Sort of. It takes several very non-intuitive clicks to get where you need to be, and then you need to select the class for Beta Club, or the individual child, and then you can message them!

As an email.

IT ONLY SENDS EMAIL.

How many fifteen-year-olds do you know who regularly use email?

And if they DO respond to your message, you'll get an email back.

But that's not really an email! It's an email NOTIFICATION of the message, and you can't respond to it through your district email account, because that would almost make sense.

Or you could send Classroom Announcements on this LMS, but those are only visible if you log on to the website itself, and there are no notifications sent to the students!

But it's all in-house and the district can see everything we're doing and see how often we're using its incredibly expensive Jenga tower of software development, so it's probably fine.

Excellent options all, 10/10, no notes.

So that's why we're in this mess, you see. Some dickhead at the district office was probably like, "Why should we pay for this thing? They should be using our system!" and now we're all about to get fucked, and not in a fun, consensual way.

I mean, I teach seniors. I have a student who regularly drops off the face of the earth for me. But you know what? They respond when I text through Remind. It's not as formal, it's immediate, and it's right there. We're about to hit AP season, graduation, end-of-course exams-- we need every tool we can get to communicate with students. Why would you make this harder for us?

I have spent much of today rattling chains and being polite and firm and VERY direct with people who are paid much much more than I am, and do not have much hope that they will listen to me. But dammit, if they are going to do this dumbass thing, I am going to make sure they have to listen to me tell them all the reasons why they shouldn't first. And I'm getting their responses in writing.

#personal stuff #teaching lyfe #aaarrrrrrrrghghhhhhhhghghghgh

3 notes · View notes

writer-updates · 1 year

Text

Sebastian Knight

Chapter 11 - Sebastian

Pacing in my study, as I waited for Deigo, what was taking him so long. Today was a close call, I've never been that scared in my life. Seeing the fear in Liliana's eyes scared me, yes this life we have is dangerous.

Hearing the door open, I looked to see Deigo walking in, "Where the fuck were you?" I was hoping Liliana didn't hear me.

"I'm so sorry boss, I was trying to find more on that asshole who was chasing you and Liliana," Deigo replied.

I rubbed my forehead, as I stopped paying and looked at Deigo. I am forever grateful for his service, we've been friends for almost 13 years now.

Deigo and I headed out of the office as we talked only for Mrs Scott, my housekeeper came out of the utility room. We startle each other.

"Mr Knight - I didn't see you there."

"Hello, Mrs. Scott."

"I heard what happened, are you and Liliana okay? It's been a while since you have been here," she commented.

"Yes we are fine, thank you. And yes it's been a while, I decided to bring Liliana here, so we can hide out for a few days. Thank you for looking after the place."

Mrs Scott nodded and smiled, "Would you like to run through the menus for the week?" she asked.

Right, menus, when I used to live here regularly I would have Mrs Scott do up menus for the week.

"Not at the moment, I may run by Liliana later what she would like for dinner," I replied.

Mrs Scott nodded and left without saying another word.

"I want you to find him Deigo, no matter how hard it takes. I want to know who it was. If you see anything sent it through" I spoke.

"Of course boss, but I have to say Liliana was a badass today. Her first chase and she handled it like a pro."

I couldn't help but smile, "She did amazing, I'm honestly still proud of her."

She is definitely not like her parents and Savannah, in fact she was much, much more than that. I was crazy about her.

"Alright, I will head out now and start getting Marcel to work on whatever we have. I will get him to contact you when he has something," Diego replied.

Nodding my head, I shook his head before giving him a bro hug. Thanking him before I headed back to my office and took a seat.

****

Not bothering to knock, I heard someone walk into the office. Looking up, I could see Liliana. A concerned look was on her face but I was on the phone with Marcel. I looked annoyed but not by her, not at all.

"So you can't enhance it further?" I asked, staring at the computer screen infront of them.

I was trying so hard to see whom it mat have been but the photo was blurry and Marcel can only do so much with the software he has and a lot of cameras are old.

I heard Liliana walk over to me, her feet quietly scraping the wooden floor. I turned my chair to face Liliana. I was looking at her confused wondering why she was in here.

Liliana said nothing but crawled into my lap, my eyebrows shot up in surprise.

Her arms wrapped around my neck and cuddled into me. I wrapped an arm around Liliana keeping her close to my chest.

Missing half of what Marcel was saying, "umm.. yes, Marcel, sorry. Could you hold on for one moment?" I asked not waiting for a response as I cuped the phone with my shoulder. "Liliana, what's wrong?" I was concerned for her.

She shook her head in response, like she was afraid to speak, gently tipping her chip up, I gaze into her eyes. Liliana pulled up her head from my hold and tucked it beneath my chin. Curling up more onto my lap. Smiling softly, I wrapped my free arm around her tightly and kissed the top of her head.

Today was an eventful day for her, "Okay, Marcel. What were you saying?" I asked.

Wedging the phone once again between my ear and shoulder typing away on the laptop. A grainy white CCTV image appeared on the screen again. A man with dark hair and he was wearing a black shirt and jeans.

I pressed another key, and the man walked towards the camera, but his head board. I was able to freeze the fram to see him standing in a white room with what looks like a long line of tall and bulky black cabinets to his left.

"Okay Marcel, one more time."

The screen springs to life. A box appears around the head of the man in the CCTV footage and suddenly we zoom in. I could feel Liliana sit up on me once again, she seemed fascinated by it.

"Is Marcel doing this?" Liliana ask quietly.

"Yes, Marcel is really good at this," I answered. "Can you sharpen the picture at all?" I asked Marcel.

The picture blurs, then refocuses moderately sharper of the man consciously gazing down and avoiding the CCTV camera. As Liliana stares at him, a chill of recognition sweeps up her spine. There is something familiar in the line of his jaw. He has scruffy short black hair that looks odd and unkempt . . . and in the newly sharpened picture, Liliana sees an earring, a small hoop.

"Sebastian," I whisper. "That's Thomas White."

Her ex?!

"You think?" I asked, surprised.

"It's the line of his jaw." Liliana points at the screen. "And the earrings and the shape of his shoulders. He's the right build, too. He must be wearing a wig - or he's cut and dyed his hair."

"Marcel, are you getting this?" I place the phone down on his desk and switches to hands-free. "I cant believe its him, actually him," I murmured, sounding none too pleased.

"Yes, boss. I heard Liliana. I'm running face recognition software on all the digitized CCTV footage right now. See where else this ass**le - I'm sorry ma'am - this man has been within the organization."

Liliana glances anxiously at me, who ignores Marcel'a expletive. He's studying the CCTV picture closely"

"Why would he do this?" Liliana asked me.

I shrug, honestly I knew, so I could help her calm down.

"Revenge, perhaps. I don't know. You can't fathom why some people behave the way they do. I'm just angry that you ever were involved so closely with him." My mouth pressed into a hard, thin line and his arm encircles Liliana's waist protectively.

"We have the contents of his hard drive, too, sir," Marcel adds.

"Yes, I remember. Do you have an address for Mr. White?" I say sharply.

"Yes, sir, I do."

"Alert Welch."

"Sure will. I'm also going to scan the city CCTV and see if I can track his movements."

"Check what vehicle he owns."

"Boss."

"Marcel can do all this?" Liliana whispered.

I nodded and gave Liliana a smug smile, I only ever hire the best for a job with me. If you fail to impress me, you are out.

"What was on his hard drive?" Liliana whispered.

My face hardened and I shake my head. "Nothing much," I says, tight-lipped, his smile forgotten.

"Tell me."

"No."

"Was it about you, or me?"

"Me." I sighed.

"What sort of things? About your lifestyle?"

Shaking my head, I placed my index finger against her lips to silence her. She scowls at me, but I narrowed my eyes at her telling her to hold her tongue.

"It's a 2006 Camaro. I'll send the license details to Welch, too," Barney says excitedly from the phone.

"Good. Let me know where else that f**ker has been in my building. And check this image against the one from his SIP personnel file." I gazes at Liliana skeptically. "I want to be sure we have a match."

"Already done, sir, and Liliana is correct. This is Thomas White."

I could see Liliana smile as she was told she was right. I couldn't help but chuckle onside while I rubbed my hand up and down her back.

"Well done, Liliana." I smiled, to Marcel I say, "Let me know when you've tracked all his movements at HQ. Also check out any other GEH property he may have had access to, and let the security teams know so they can make another sweep of all those buildings."

"Boss."

"Thanks, Marcel." I hung up.

I looked at Liliana again, my eyes lit up with wicked amusement, "Well, Lilliana. It seems that you are not only decorative, but useful, too."

Liliana scoffed, "Decorative?" teasing me back.

"Very," I said quietly, pressing a soft, sweet kiss on her lips.

"You're much more decorative than I am, baby."

I grinned widely before kissing her more forcefully, winding her braid around my wrist and wrapping my arms around her. When we come up for air, we are both breathless.

#SebastianKnight #Romance #MafiaRomance

0 notes

pearl-kite · 3 years

Text

oh okay that's

#kite rambles #got an online diagnosis for adhd and it was this super comprehensive thing #needed to print it for my doc #sent it from my computer but it didn't work and so used parent's laptop #well later mom reset the printer and the thing went through #and she thought it would be cool to read all 20+ confidential pages #including shit like being functionally agnostic even though I haven't told them yet #and being bi ace #and like #ok then #that's #she apologized and said she read it and she feels bad that she never noticed and I'm just like #ok #okay so I just heard this like two minutes ago and I'm just uhhhhh #it was a very very thorough online assessment thing so like fuck there's a lot of shit in there #hm #:|

2 notes · View notes

doubledgesword-2 · 3 years

Text

Breeding Kink

I’m taking this as a kink instead so I hope that’s alright for the request! I apologize if it isn’t! I treated them like drabbles and if I’m honest I’m a bit disappointed in my work ;-; this rose tea is not my best.

Illumi

You opened your door to your pitch-black apartment with the same sluggishness and tiredness you had walking all the way from your work to here. Today had been one of those days, and those were fine once in a while...but the entire week? No, that was not normal. You had been on edge and stressed to the point of burning out. So the plans for this evening consisted of showering, eating something quick, and just dying on your bed. That was until you noticed the figure sitting on your sofa.

Illumi's back was to you; he was so still and quiet, you might as well think he fell asleep while sitting.

"You're late," his voice cut through the silence.

"I didn't know I was expected," you replied, and it was the truth; Illumi had left for a week on a job and didn't even called you. You weren't feeling particularly forgiving this evening, and the edge of your tone contrasted the calm and monotony in his

"It's been a long day, Illumi, is there anything I can do for you?"

Your relationship wasn't the best when it came to normal; there was a lot of miscommunication or lack of it. But Illumi did his best, he was interested in you, and that didn't happen often.

"As my love interest, you should always expect me is a quality that every wife should have. It's their job to wait for their husbands no matter how long they take" Illumi turned slightly to look into your eyes as he talked.

You perked up at the word wife; he had never made allusions to marriage, at least not directly like this. You knew his goals when it came to relationships. Still, you always expected him to leave you in the end for someone more suitable, almost royalty. After all, his parents were very demanding, and you knew you didn't fit the role of the perfect wife, starting with the fact that you worked a regular job and haven't found your nen if you even had one.

"But we're not married, Illumi. Besides, I don't think your parents would approve of someone as vain as me. I'm not strong, and I don't meet the qualifications. So..." you shrugged in the end, dropping your keys on the counter and your bag nearby.

Your hand went to flip the switch; all this talk in the darkness was unnerving you, especially when you took into consideration Illumi was an assassin. Right when you flipped the switch, Illumi's hand was on your wrist, turning off the lights once more. You could feel his toned chest as he pulled you close to him. For a second, you struggled in a fight or flight response, and Illumi's face went to the crook of your neck. His breath on your neck sent chills down your spine as he planted a feather-like kiss on your pulse. The action almost threatening, and it made you swallow. The fear and desire burned equally in your veins as he stretched your clothes, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses all the way to your shoulder.

"I think I've given you too much freedom. Do you think you're in control in this relationship?" He whispered to your shoulder, his other hand holding you tightly to him. "Do you think you can talk back to me just because you're tired? If you're going to be my wife, you need to learn how to behave properly."

Illumi slammed you down on the island counter, both of your hands twisted on your back held with one hand. You gasped and yelped as he did so. Whether it was from desire or fear, you didn't know. He bent over you, leaning close to the side of your head, nibbling your earlobe and whispering.

"Don't worry, I'll teach you" Illumi's free hand caressed your side, going down and squeezing everything he could. "The first lesson is to obey my every command. Can you do that?"

You nodded frantically, and he tilted his head innocently as if he wasn't holding you down or grinding into your hips slowly.

"Good girl" Illumi turned your body so you'd be laying on your back facing him. His hands went to your shirt, ripping it open, sending the buttons flying all around.

"Second, we have to continue the Zoldyck Legacy..." Illumi caressed a trail down your stomach and undid his pants, his eyes never leaving yours.

"I'll ensure you're filled to the brim, just to be sure it takes. We still have all night to try."

Hisoka

Hisoka had managed to find you where you were staying. You were on a short business trip. After he had disappeared to go on another gig, you didn't think it would matter if you actually did the same for the same reason. But Hisoka didn't like that. Like the petulant child he is, he was expecting to arrive home and be received and welcomed with a nice meal and some more relaxing activities afterward. But all he got was a nicely written note on the counter explaining your absence.

P.S feed your cat dummy :)

"Hmm," the cat meow made him look down to the fluff currently sitting at his feet, "She left you too, huh? Well, at least you welcomed me." He said in a bitterly playful tone.

After feeding the adorable and fearsome beast that guarded your apartment, he went on to look for you. He wanted your attention, and he wanted it now.

You had been staying at a company-paid hotel near the station. It was a relatively short trip, three days max, counting on everything going according to the agenda. After you had finished your last reports, you were set for a nice shower and sleep. Your stomach growling said otherwise, though. So you ordered some room service and went to shower quickly just in case the food came. When you were out in your robes, there was a knock on the door.

"Coming"

You opened the door, still drying your hair, when you looked up at the man serving you. It was Hisoka. Somewhere along the way, after he figured where you were, he had seen the boy coming up with your food, and once that was temporarily disposed of, he went on to serve you.

"Mmm, hello (Y/N)-Chan, how lovely to see you" he rolled the cart inside the room and closed the door by slamming you into it.

"Hisoka, w-what are you doing here?"

"I was lonely and bored. You left me all alone" He licked a trip up your neck all the way to your cheek.

"You leave alone all the time; what's the difference?" You were angry at that statement, 'how dare he?'

Hisoka's eyes widened for a split second, but not in shock, more in amusement.

"Oh," he chuckled, the tone dangerous, "my bad, little pet, I didn't realize this was such a sensitive topic" his tone was whimsical and mocking.

"Here, let's eat, and maybe you'll feel better" without giving you a chance, Hisoka grabbed your arms and flung you into the bed.

After your first release, you felt tired. You had been working nonstop for these two days. Your eyes closed, and his half-lidded ones are the last thing you remember.

"You actually passed out, doll. Was our sexy time too much to handle, or have I been mistreating you all these weeks I wasn't there, hmm~?"

You let out a breath at his playful look. He was rubbing circles on your exposed stomach while straddling you.

"Mmm, I think you're not relaxed enough; we might as well try again. After all, you let all my efforts slip out; I'll have to work hard to fill you up again~" he pouted playfully, looking over your tired form. "Don't worry, you can sleep while I'm at it, little fruit."

Chrollo

You were currently perched on your island counter chair like a vulture looking down at its prey. The entire week had been a mess of deadlines, due dates, and unhelpful people. To say you were stressed was an understatement. You were so stressed you no longer felt stressed.

That's how Chrollo found you when he entered your house. He could've used the front door, but he wanted to surprise you, and now he was worried about your confused face staring down the laptop screen.

You were so concentrated that when his hand laid on your shoulder, you jumped with a yelp.

"Argh, don't scare me like that," you chuckled, giving him a quick peck on the cheek but immediately turned to the computer screen once more.

Chrollo pouted slightly. He had been gone for an entirety of two weeks because of a small job; the least he expected was to be received with kisses, praise, and hugs like it was a kings parade.

He understood the stress, but he wasn't having it.

"Have you eaten anything?" He casually asked.

"Not really, but I can make you something if you want?" Chrollo gave a small smiled at the fact that you'd roll were willing to attend to him. You just needed to relax.

"Don't worry, love, I'll go shower" you nodded, and he turned, making his way down the hall and disappearing. You heard the water turn on muffled because of the closed door.

While you were concentrated on your work Chrollo slipped out of the bathroom, he grabbed you by the waist, spinning you and slamming you against the wall. His lips were possessive and angry as he kissed you. Sandwiched between his toned chest and the wall, you tried to push him back but eventually gave in to the way his fingers caressed your sides, his tongue forced yours into submission, and how he grinds his hips suggestively.

"Chrollo," you gasped when he finally let go of your swollen lips to suck on the skin of your neck. "I have to w-work."

At the mention of it, he bit down hard on your shoulder, making you Yelp.

"No more work" he licked the bite, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses. "I just returned, expecting my little darling to receive me with kisses and at least one hug. But instead," his free hand grabbed your hips tightly enough to bruise, "you've overworked to the bone" your hands held his head close to your chest, ruffling his hair in the process and making him look even hotter.

"I-I"

"It's alright, I know how you can make it better" kiss on your shoulder.

"for both of us" kiss on your jaw.

"I'm going to shower, and you're coming with me; after getting on your knees for me, you can let me fill you up nicely."

"But-t" a moan slipped your lips as his knee went between your legs.

"And if you keep protesting, I'll just keep stuffing you until you can't think straight. See if you can work after that"

I hope this was good! I’m sorry if I butchered this 😭

#hisoka x reader #hisoka fanfiction #hunter x hunter fanfic #hunter xhunter #hxh #hisoka x y/n #hisoka morrow x reader #hisoka x you #hisoka morrow #illumi hunter x hunter #illumi x reader #illumi x you #illumi x y/n #chrollo hxh #chrollo x reader #chrollo x y/n #fanfiction requests

703 notes · View notes

word-addict-lisette · 3 years

Note

Dear Lisette,

I am back in you inbox, yay! How was your day? How's life? How's school?

I am really mad because we had this piece of work and it was like "pen down your idea on this statement, 'i can do whatever i want on the internet as long as i don't get caught' and i put down my thoughts which were 'this statement is true, i stand by it and you can do whatever you like as long as you don't get caught and don't own up' and then people were like throwing shade at me and i looked at it. I have 5 comments.

My teachers tried to delete it, my classmates literally lectured me and then she read it out loud and the whole class went looking for that one note i made. In the comments, people are spelling my name in caps. It was my opinion, and oh, look all of them are basically hypocrites. Let me just say, these people make me uncomfortable, they don't talk about exactly nice things or approriate things and they are all commenting ( without names too may i add) like "KAT, THAT'S NOT HOW THINGS WORK!" but with my real name and just arghhh.

Also if my teachers wanted me to say, "no, that isn't the right thing to do," or any other answer that the others provided them with, they shouldn't have asked for my opinion. They should have just forced us all to just type the same thing. The other people all wrote like, "no, its unethical and bad" or "False, no, its bad" and stuff like that, filmsy evidence and elaboration. I HAVE MORALS, i am just saying the truth. I feel like the victim of a hate crime. People don't like me enough already, i am a very intresting person, uh, yeah, we are gonna stop there.

Enjoy the rant i guess? I don't know? I am sorry for loading on you but there's a little extra rant so uh, yeah. im just gonna take this out, one sec.

Ok, so uh my teacher was like, next week, we are making pancakes. Fluffy pancakes. It was changed to pancakes without eggs? and now we have to make it ourselves, at home. Where do i get flour? What do i do with the extra flour? I don't know how to cook at all, my partner who has been extremely controlling and like kinda driving me insane, ( ahem i did the whole coursework) also she uses my friend's name for everything? Like, bestie i was literally helping out and you went all, "Oh you don't want (friend's name) to see you burnt right?". Obviously i don't but if i burnt down my house, she wouldn't be surprised. I BURNT MYSELF LAST YEAR, SHE SAW ME BURN MYSELF. Well, my friend burnt me and then the week after that, she burnt herself.

This happens a lot. Also, the very common questions and statements of, "Are you straight?" , "aren't you and (friend's name) dating?", "you guys would make such a cute couple" , " aren't you bi?" and "i thought the two of you were dating," there is nothing wrong with being bi but i am not attracted to her like that. So, they use her for leverage over me to get me to do what they want and also think im dating her? If we were dating, we would both be homeless. I like my house. This doesn't only happen with her. I once got shipped with my brother. I hugged him and some guy was like, "oh you guys like each other," that was awkward. Can i just add, a lot of people like majority of that community know we are siblings.

I also get shipped with his best friend, thanks to a rumor my brother made up. So, sometimes, i would get like comments like, "oh, you like him" or "(brother's name) told me that you and (brother's best friend) are dating," we are not dating. WE ARE JUST REALLY GOOD FRIENDS. I LIKE A FICTIONAL CHARACTER. LEAVE ME ALONE. Also, everytime i have a picture of a guy on my phone or something my cousin just has to tell my brother. THEY ARE STREAMERS. ONE IS OF V FROM BTS SO I CAN TRAMATISE MY FRIEND.

Everytime i cry, someone comes in my room. It is so annoying. LEAVE ME ALONE, I WANT TO CRY. This is why i started reading sad books, listening to sad songs, watching sad movies so i have a reason to cry. There was this once, i wasnt selected to be part of my choir's competition and i was sad about it because i didn't feel good enough. THEY SAID I WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH. So, i cried but it wasn't enough so i read the saddest book i could find so i had a reason to cry but by that time, my feelings were gone. This is why i get breakdowns when im overwhelmed because of all this. You know how old i am. I have to deal with this and the pressure of always wanting to be perfect. What else can i do? I am not pretty or smart or talented or have friends, i have like 6 friends and nobody ever keeps me company. So, i focus on being perfect. 100%, i deal with not having any attention because my parents didn't pay me any attention just because i was "independent" or something?

Did i mention, i babysit all my siblings? I am the second child. I baby-sit my older brother. I am sleep-deprived because i can't sleep well at night and i constantly worry about everything and i have to take care of all my friends and it is so exhausting. Yet, i can not cry.

Thanks for staying with me through whatever that was. Uh, yeah, i took the quiz and got chaotic academia. That is my aesthetic. I really want one of those fancy skirts they wear like on pintrest and stuff? Like you know what i mean? The academia skirt? Yeah, i don't have one yet.

Question of the day, what is your dream profession or you could answer my other question which is what would you want to look like? Or you could answer both?

Ok, thank you again. i am gonna go study. Love and hugs and just literal joy sent your way!

- Kat, the ultimate dino mom of Leo, Billy Bob, Jessica, Sophie, Jackson, Sarah, Lily, the Micheals and all her other kids. (Jessica, Sophie and Jackson are mailboxes and Lily is a computer, Micheal is my screwdriver and laptop pencil, there are two micheals.)

Dear Kat,

It's really good to see you in my inbox. I'm sorry for replying late, but exams really had occupied my schedule today and I got my Saturday exam tomorrow. This week is going to be stressful and today's day has been pathetic. I had nothing to do except study and write exams. I feel like I haven't really been social recently and That I'm losing touch with people that I used to be close with and basically I'm letting overthinking take over my mind.

That is so sick. Why is someone's genuine opinion bothering them so much? I totally wouldn't be able to tolerate that. They ought to understand that there is a fine line between a fact and an opinion, and what you stated was just an OPINION. they have no right whatsoever to come at you like that. I totally agree... the teachers ought to have not asked for your opinion if all they desired was a particularly specific answer which opposed the statement. one of the reasons I hate the schooling system has to be THIS. people who are putting comments like that ought to realize that what you stated is exactly what they do in real life. They just want to be seen as the good kid here. At least you have the guts enough to speak the truth.

Miss! You don't have to worry about ranting out to me. You can rant to me for days and I'd still listen. Just go on ranting nobody is stopping you.

Ahhh! I've had that happen to me. I really understand how tough that can be. I really really hate being shipped with someone who I am just platonically friends with like you've got no valid proof to believe that we are romantically involved with each other. I've burnt myself plenty of times too. It's not a pleasant experience. Plus I also hate having controlling partners. Cause all they do is boss you around while they are barely doing a thing. It sucks.

Why? Just why? Why does it even matter to them? Who you date and what your sexuality is, is none of their business. I have no idea why people concern themselves with topics that really don't involve them. It's like people are just ready to make gossip out of anything. A person can't have a bestie without not liking them? I don't get what's so difficult to understand about that. I hate it when I'm casually talking to a guy and people start shipping us and start spreading rumors of us being in a romantic relationship. Another thing they do is, if a person likes me, they automatically assume that I like him back when I've barely even ever spoken to that guy. And yes! I like fictional characters! Don't even assume I like any of you fools cause You idiots bully me and ship me with total crackheads... And my standards are good enough for me to not include you guys in my list of *appropriate candidates* which consists of non-existent people.

Similarly, the moment I'm chatting with some guy, or like have a pic with someone on my mobile phone people just assume that fact that I'm crushing on him. Like no! I don't. We are friends... the others are celebrities, Why can't you understand that? I can't imagine how thick their skull must be considering they can't let a small statement like that sink in.

The crying thingy... I feel personally attacked. Nobody lets me do anything in peace, let alone crying. I literally use the washroom in my room and even my sister comes in there just banging on the door asking me to get the heck out of there and go somewhere else, like can't she use the other two washrooms or what? I like listening to sad stuff and reading angst cause somehow or the other it calms me down... it makes me feel at peace cause I know I'm not the only one who feels like crying. I've got a lot of friends, nobody remembers my birthday, I remember all of theirs'. They don't even text me, It's always me who takes the first step. All my friends just want me by their side cause I'm a smartass they want to show off as a trophy and cause I've got much better sarcasm than them. They just want to benefit from me. That's all. GOD, I'm not pretty at all. I look like a random idiot all the time. I look pathetic. And I lack talent... And you! I warned you, miss! You are pretty, beautiful, talented, smart, friendly, caring, kind and THE BEST!!!

I've never been given attention. Never ever. My sister has always stolen the spotlight. And I hate it. Not even my friends acknowledge me, my parents just ehhhhh. No matter how good I score, No matter how good I behave, No matter what. I'm just never good enough. My parents think of me as a rebellious kid. And I don't know what to do about that. All I've ever done is listen to them. My parents never allowed me to go out and play with my friends when I was a kid, they never let me go on overnight trips, and they barely let me spend time with the few friends I have. They never let me go to outings my school friends planned. Despite that, I never complained. I never had good friends because of that, yet I never complained. A lot of kids my age roam around in shopping malls by themselves, have sleepovers, spend money, roam around with tons of makeup on their faces, are in relationships, and even get into illegal shit. I've never done anything Like that. And yet... I'm never the good kid. I'm still the rebel.

I've got to take care of my sister almost every day. Get her to study, study myself, take care of myself while tolerating my grandmother. I really don't like my grandma, she s very fussy and just keeps yelling around the house the moment my dad and mom leave the house. I've got sensory overload because of her voice. And now I sit and have an anxiety attack almost every time she speaks. I've always got to strive for perfection as well. And I too can't sleep well at night just cause all the worries of the world, keep weighing me down.

Chaotic academia sounds good. It's the same aesthetic my sister got when I asked her to take the test! And oooh! Me too! I love those skirts and outfits they show on Pinterest. I'd love to have them someday.

My dream profession has to be that of a writer. Or perhaps even running a library. just something cozy. Ohh! I'd love to have brown hair, and I'd want to be tall just a little shorter than What I am right now. I just reached my father's height yesterday. And more or less, I'd like the rest to stay just as it is. and perhaps a lighter shade of skin tone. What about you though?

My question for you! If you were to be stranded on a beach island for a week. Who would you bring with you and how would you spend your time there. You can include whatever elements of nature you want to include like forests, lakes, and all.

Sending love, warmth, hugs, and whatever I have to spare that you would like to you!!!!

-Love from Lisette

P.S. That's an interesting family you've got, right there!

#kat the eccentric(indeed)#sweet sweet asks #dear kat #love from lisette #long post

4 notes · View notes

amarauder · 4 years

Text

Chapter Three - Percy Jackson x Reader

| percy’s adventure to the top of the world

a/n; sorry about this chapter being so late! The entire book is basically published on my wattpad account if you want to check that out. Thank you so much for the feedback though! I am pleasantly suprised!

It just hits noon on Sunday when Percy gets the text.

It's still the same exact name that she entered in sophomore year, still a plaintive "Y/N L/N" with the tiny description under it that's originally used for company names written as Chemistry Class. Percy narrows his eyes and checks the number in his contacts just to make sure Luke hasn't changed his name to mess with him, and eventually accepts the fact that Y/N's texted him, for whatever reason.

" Hi," it says. That's it.

Percy pushes his phone aside and keeps up his attempts at finishing his essay. English 4 is supposed to be easy, he complains mentally. At this rate, he won't graduate.

Despite his extremely studious research (in which he was both reading Wikipedia articles and playing Solitaire, that is), he still has no clue why Mark Twain was so important as far as literature goes. He does, however, come to the conclusion that he'll never be good at Solitaire.

Percy selects a sentence from the Wikipedia article and pastes it directly into his essay. He modifies it, putting the end of the sentence at the beginning, and exchanges the words "light and humorous" to say "light-hearted." A true genius, he is.

Before he can decide where to go from there, Percy glances over to his phone, biting down on his bottom lip. It's not that he doesn't want to talk to Y/N—since Friday, he's kind of wanted to talk to her non-stop—but he didn't expect her to text first. It admittedly throws him off.

What would Mark Twain do? Percy thinks idly, staring at the guy's name where it sits, bolded, at the top of his paper. For one, Mark Twain wasn't ever introduced to cellphones, so he probably wouldn't even know how to reply to the text, even if he wanted to. And, for two, Mark Twain doesn't really seem like the kind of man who would talk to the girl he likes over text. Percy gets the vibe that he's a really old-fashioned, straightforward type of guy.

Leaning back in his desk chair to stretch, Percy groans. Thinking about Mark Twain probably won't get him through this one.

He replies with a "Hey there," momentarily panicking at how flirtatious it sounds. He tries to cover it up with a "Y/N, right?"

It apparently works, since she sends back a "Yeah, it is. I didn't know if you had my number anymore."

"Wouldn't have deleted it," Percy types immediately. He's hovering over the blue button, considering going with something else—less heartfelt, maybe—to respond with, but instead he accidentally hits send. Wonderful. Out of curiosity, he scrolls up past the texts they're exchanging now and reads through the ones they sent before. He hardly remembers the near two-year old conversations, mostly homework questions or him wondering if there's a test the next day, but there's a few that are just... nice, for lack of a better word. Caring little how are yous from him and some remember to bring your book to classes from her. Percy wishes he could remember why he didn't try to get in touch with her that summer, and now he feels sorry that he didn't—after all, he could have been someone to talk to when she was going through a mess with her parents.

He wants to apologize for it, suddenly, but he figures Y/N would either shrug it off or tell him ten times over that it isn't his fault. He doesn't bother.

"That's comforting." Percy blinks at Y/N's reply, but she doesn't give him a chance to reply before another text comes through. "Are you busy?"

He smiles a little at his phone. Sure, he totally has this essay due tomorrow that'll take him a few hours at the very least, but Y/N's far more interesting and appealing than Mark Twain's influence on literature. not at all, he sends.

"I could use a little help with economics, if you're up for it..."

Economics is by far Percy's easiest class this year, but he doubts he's better at it than Y/N. He doesn't mention that.

"Sure," he replies. "but you're gonna have to tell me everything you know about Mark Twain."

She sends two question marks back, but tacks on a Deal a second later.

"where at?" Percy asks, holding his phone about an inch away from his face. It's likely that he's one of the more pathetic people in this world.

"Yours? I can't say that my house is the most welcoming of places for guests," Y/N says, and Percy frowns a little at that. He doesn't waste any time before sending her his address and telling her to come over whenever she feels like it. He doesn't really say it, but it's an invitation for any day—not just a Sunday where they both have homework to get done.

She gives him an estimated arrival time anyways, so Percy spends his remaining moments wisely by hopping in the shower and letting his mom know that he's having a friend over. She's cooped up in her small little cranny of an office, feet tucked beneath her as she types away on her laptop, glasses perched on the tip of her nose and a cooled cup of tea at her elbow. "Of course, that's fine Percy. You can have Luke over whenever, you know. No need to keep asking."

"It's—" Percy hesitates, leaning his temple on the door frame he's leaning against. "Um, not Luke this time."

That gets his mother's attention. She turns to him with a pleased smile. "Oh, what a surprise! I haven't seen Nico in ages, I should put some cookies in."

Percy chuckles, pushing his still-damp hair out of his eyes. "Not Nico, either. It's Y/N—remember, my chem partner? Came over once for our research paper?"

Sally gives him a maternal grin, lifting her eyebrows. "Oh, I always liked her." She redirects her gaze to her computer. "I had a feeling I wasn't the only one, either."

"Mom," Percy warns.

She holds her hands up, a clear white flag. "I'm not suggesting anything. Just your dear old Mom over here, typing up a novel."

"It'll be the best one yet," Percy says, since he knows Mom thrives under encouragement. "I have a feeling. It'll be the one."

"You think?" Sally asks, and she sounds excited, like she agrees. Percy nods with a grin. "Oh, that would be so great, I—" The doorbell dings throughout their home, and his mom's mouth snaps shut. "That would be for you, I'm guessing. Let me know if you need anything, sweetie."

"Thanks, Mom," Percy says, but he makes sure to shut her office door, partially to preserve his privacy, but mostly because he knows his mom needs isolation when she's in writing mode. He gets the door.

Y/N's dressed casually, which is something Percy hadn't even considered; he tossed on track pants out of habit. "Hey," he greets, after a sure but still moment of silence. "Come on in."

"Hi. Thanks."

Percy shrugs mutely, closing the door behind her. He can definitely, one hundred per cent, handle Y/N's presence for a few hours, especially after a good night of sleep and a day spent lazing around. "Thirsty?"

"Water would be great," she answers, and it's a little awkward for a few seconds while Percy leads them into the kitchen, rummaging through the cabinets for a cup. He usually drinks out of the old, stained plastic ones, but he thinks Y/N probably deserves better as a guest. Eventually, he spots a light blue glass from a dining set they had two houses ago. He pulls it down. "How's your weekend been? Well, since the fair, anyways."

Percy clears his throat, like it'll clear the weird tension in the air, too. "'S been nice. Wish the fair was here for longer, to be honest."

"There's always next year," she says optimistically. He passes off the glass of water, and as she takes it from him, Percy realizes that he didn't bother to ask if she wanted ice. He almost feels rude for a second, but Y/N takes a grateful sip and sends him a little smile, so he guesses that he did alright. "Anyways, economics."

"Right, economics." Percy shakes himself. He should focus on the actual intention of Y/N's visit, not whether or not she'll get huffy about a few ice cubes. "What chapter are you guys on?"

"We have the same teacher, I'm pretty sure—Mr. Manassa?" Percy nods. "My class just started the chapter on supply."

Percy mentally sighs in relief. Supply is something he understands, so he won't look like an idiot. He uses his right thumb to rub at the palm of his left hand, grimacing when he realizes his hands are clammy. "Yeah, same. We can—in the living room, if you want?"

"Fine by me," Y/N replies, and Percy swallows past the weird, sudden dryness in his throat. It's like he's never seen an attractive human before. Christ. "I started reading the chapter, but it just sounds like gibberish. I hate the way the book's written."

"Really?" Percy's actually read a bit of the chapters, since he didn't think the writing was too excruciating, but to each their own. "I don't know, I kind of like it."

"Good, then. Hopefully you can help me make sense of it." She sits on the couch beside him—not really close, but not really far either, and Percy feels himself settling in more, the jitters wearing off. He knows Y/N, is the thing, and it's not even the first time she's sat on his couch while they do school work together. She puts her backpack on the floor and digs out her green economics book, the same one Percy has stuffed underneath his bed. "Have you done the chapter work?"

"What?"

"The chapter work," Y/N repeats, and if Percy didn't know her, he probably wouldn't have noticed how amused she was at his lack of attention. "The work that's due tomorrow."

"Oh, yeah, that," Percy mumbles. Truth be told, he hasn't been doing much at all besides binge-watching old H2O (I had too) episodes on Netflix and playing games on his phone—well, that and a bit of Mark Twain research this morning. "I started it."

"I'm sure," she says, and her tone's some brand of teasing. She peers around, like she's looking for something in particular. "You can go get your backpack, you know."

"I know," Percy replies quickly, sounding a lot more annoyed than he really is. "I was getting there."

Y/N laughs. Percy stands up before he makes the mistake of staring.

He returns with his laptop tucked under his arm, Mark Twain paper still up and sharing the screen with his game of Solitaire. Y/N looks like she might have a laugh at his expense when she sees it, but instead she says, "Explain the difference between supply and quantity supplied to me, please."

And, honestly, Percy's never been in the business of rejecting polite people. He explains to her heart's content.

tags; @ohmygoditsanthonyedwardstark and @25-and-a-half-bards

masterlist

#percy jackson x reader #percy x reader #percy jackson #PJO #anmarauder writings #percy's journey to the top of the world

14 notes · View notes

theygender · 6 years

Text

You know talking about it with my psychologist has really helped me realize how abusive my mom actually was... When I was younger I had trouble even recognizing that it was abuse at all because she wasn't as bad as her partner who abused me for eight years so it couldn't be abuse right? Then even after I realized she had abusive tendencies I would rationalize it like "yeah but this is just manipulation, guilt tripping, and gas lighting, it's not real emotional abuse" or "a lot of these things actually fall under neglect more accurately than abuse so it doesn't count" so I never made a big deal out of it. More recently I've fully acknowledged that yeah, she was abusive. But it wasn't as bad as the abuse I experienced from her partner, and her real crime was allowing me to go through that for eight years, so I shouldn't think much of it. But now that I've talked about it with my therapist... It's fucked up

Even besides the fact that she knowingly allowed me to be abused by her partner for eight years there's still a lot of other fucked up things she did. She made me act as a parent for my little brother who was only three years younger than me, and used me (still uses me) as an emotional crutch. I was forced to take on too much responsibility and grow up way too fast as a kid because I had to raise my little brother and take care of her, and because she treated me as far older than I really was. (eg. My other parent committed suicide when I was six. She didn't want to tell my brother what happened because he was too young [I had to tell him myself years later] but she told me in detail how their partner realized they were missing, how/where the police found the body, and how exactly they had killed themself because I was "old enough to understand." I repeat. I was six.) Throughout all of this she neglected me emotionally and was never there for me. I was being bullied horribly at school and had no one to turn to. I was being treated horribly by her partner at home and had no one to turn to. I had to learn to take care of my little brother with no one to guide me. I was alone

She invaded my privacy on a constant basis. When I was 15 I found out that she had been secretly reading all of my text messages from the time that I got a phone when I was 11 until the time she screamed in my face for saying something bad about her to a friend, letting me know what she was doing. Every intimate text I had sent to a girl I liked, every personal text I had sent to a friend, every tell-no-one text I had sent to someone I trusted about my mental state, she had read them all. I was absolutely mortified. When I was 16 I found out that she had gone on my laptop, found my personal poetry/vent blog that I used as a way to cope with my depression and would never want anyone in my family to see, and read through every. single. post. I found out when she screamed at me for "talking bad about her" on it, letting me know what she was doing. We got in a fight and she swore she would never snoop through my things again. When I was 17 I found out that she had found my main blog and created a tumblr specifically so she could follow me and stalk everything I was doing. I found out because she left it open on my computer, and this time I yelled at her. She grounded me from everything I owned for an indefinite number of weeks and put me in lock down. It was spring break so I couldn't even leave the house. I self harmed for the first time

She physically neglected me when I was about 12. She had just split up with her partner (again) and she was so depressed over it that she wouldn't leave her room for almost the entire summer. She wouldn't go to work, she wouldn't buy groceries, she wouldn't do anything. I had to take on the responsibilities of cooking all the meals, cleaning the house, doing laundry, taking care of my brother, taking care of myself, taking care of the animals, and trying to take care of her at 12 years old. I cooked expired food following the directions on the back of the boxes because I didn't know how to cook on my own and I didn't have anyone to show me. When I complained about the food being expired she would guilt trip me for making her feel bad. There were some days when I didn't have any food to cook for us and I would just sit on the floor feeling my stomach twist from hunger and trying to grow used to it. When I did cook (which was most days), I would try so hard to force her to eat something and she never would. I had to talk her out of suicide by the end of the summer, and when her friend took her to the hospital and came back to stay with us, I felt so guilty for being relieved because at least then we had an adult to take care of us. (This part wasn't her fault but it was still fucked up for me to go through)

I have many examples of her invalidating the abuse I went through at the hands of her partner, saying it didn't count because it "wasn't as bad" as the abuse she went through as a kid, saying it was "different" because it was emotional and not physical, saying that it was "just bullying," but I'm not gonna list them all here

The worst part of it all was when I was forced to move down to Texas. I was completely isolated from my support group, I had no friends, and I had nowhere to go. I spent all of my time either lying on the living room couch because I didn't have a bedroom or standing in front of a cash register at a job that I hated. Sometime in between the time I moved down there and the last time that my mom got back together with and then left my abuser (I woke up one morning to find her sitting on my couch with no warning and had to lock myself in my bedroom), my mom decided that she was going to forgive herself for what she had done to me. Apparently her version of "forgiving herself" is pretending that it never happened, even though I am still very much hurting from what she did

She turned my abuse into a running joke. Anytime I mentioned anything bad that had happened to me in the past (which came up a lot because "bad things" are literally the only life experience I had) she would make a comment like "oh yeah and then I pushed you to the floor and started kicking you in the face because I'm such an awful person right?" Effectively gaslighting me and making her new wife + stepdaughter believe I was a liar. She did this so often that my ten year old stepsister started making these "jokes" at my expense on her own without prompting

I tried so many times to get out of there, and she spent the entire time I was living with her starting screaming matches with me about how I couldn't move out. She told me that I would never be able to live on my own, that I would never be able to take care of myself or support myself, that all of my friends (my support group) who I wanted to live near again didn't actually give a shit about me and would forget about me the second they graduated high school (guess what didn't happen). Any time I had any sort of plan set up, she would find some way to sabotage it. The last time I attempted to move before the time that I was finally successful, I was planning on moving in with my ex-stepmom, her last wife who was one of the only good ones and who said she would always view my brother and I as her kids and she would always be there for us. This plan had been in the making for months and I was really excited. She lived in the area I wanted to live in, and while I was there I would be able to pay low rent, save up money, and get my Arkansas residency back so I could go to college with an adult to help me figure things out. A few weeks before the move was supposed to take place, my mom contacted her and talked her out of helping me, leaving me stranded in Texas again. I was devastated and hopeless and I couldn't stand being awake anymore so I took three benadryl to knock myself out. Then when I woke up I took three more. I repeated this a few times before she grabbed me and physically shook me awake and started screaming in my face and threatening to hospitalize me. I didn't tell her about my final plan to move until just before it happened

There's more things, like the fact that she didn't allow me to sleep over with anyone until I was a sophomore in high school, didn't allow me to go to my first birthday party until I was in 7th grade, didn't allow me to have a birthday party until I was in 8th grade, and just generally refused to allow me to spend time with anyone or go anywhere outside of school (and then said it was my fault because I stopped asking after years of being told no). She didn't allow me to listen to the radio until I was ten, and spent several years of my life only allowing me to watch animal planet or the discovery channel. There was the Christmas when she screamed at me about how crazy I was until I was crying and told me none of my friends would want to be around me if they knew the truth about my mental illnesses (surprise bitch, it's years later now and I've found out many of my friends have the same disorders I do). There was the time when I asked to go over to a friend's house sophomore year and when my mom found out he was an atheist after grilling me with questions about him, she spent two hours (I watched the clock) screaming at me about how all atheists are evil, how they're possessed by the devil, how they all do drugs and steal things and murder people, until I was literally sobbing on the couch. But if I tried to list everything she's done I'd be here all day

If you read this far you deserve an award (and a sincere apology from me), but basically the point I'm trying to make is that the things she put me through were fucked up. I'm done putting up with them, I'm done calling her anything but abusive, and I didn't deserve any of the things that she did to me. And I can't believe it took me an hour long session with a psychologist to realize that

5 notes · View notes