#seen but not heard

[goldensunset]

a real blorbo is someone you can both write a lengthy and serious/sad analysis on yet also constantly and i mean constantly make stupid jokes about

#peach rambles #hall of fame i guess #this post was about volo pokémon. among others #i have seen almost every fandom i’ve ever even heard of tagged here. good for y’all ig

[yeesiine]

Making someone feel seen, heard and understood is the loudest way to love them.

#mood #seen #heard #understood #love

[its-tickety-boo]

These two idiots kill me because what Crowley is hearing from Aziraphale is, “I am able to look past your demonic nature because I love you so much, but if there was a way, I would change that part of you” and what Crowley wants to hear is, “I look at all of you and I love all of you”

Meanwhile Aziraphale’s actually saying, “I love every version of you that I’ve known, but I miss the smile you had when I met you and I would give anything to bring that joy back”

#communication? these bitches never heard of it #they’re so tragic and for what #good omens #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #anthony j crowley #crowley #good omens season two #good omens s2 #good omens season 2 #miscommunication #ineffable idiots #ineffable divorce #I’ve seen so many variations of this post and they all destroy me

[cemeterything]

#🐉 #based on some common descriptions of anger ive seen and heard #for me anger is a wound i keep scratching. somebody put a goddamn cone on me.

[bixels]

I watched Starship Troopers tonight.

#personal #dumb #my art #immediately after finishing i was pumped to watch some analysis vids on it #cuz i heard a lot of the drama about the original author being a pro military fascist and the director going “fuck that” and making a satir #scrolling through youtube search results was not promising. lots of male film buffs i would Not trust even on a first glance. #“The Critical Drinker” (pfp of a bearded man drinking alcohol) lol. #and then I saw cinemawins did a video on it and was like oh nice i haven't seen his stuff in a while but he's a pretty leftist creator #scrolled through the comments #second panel face #this sucks i'm outta here. #just leagues and leagues and leagues of anime pfps and right leaning people dogpiling on him for “not understanding what fascism is” #idk it's pretty alien and weird to me watching this movie and going “wow yeah that was pretty obvious huh” like literally the from opening #to the teacher preaching militance and only giving voting rights to “those who serve their nation first and earn it” #and then seeing droves of people online going #WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? It's not anti-fascist and even if it was it's #the director's fault for desecrating heinlein's incredible sci-fi epic vision. ermm media literacy is dead.

[pollyanna-nana]

Did anyone else notice that seemingly one of the first things they did after bringing Thistle into the kingdom was cut his hair short?

And given what Marcille says about how important hair is to magic…. That’s probably not a coincidence.

#polly speaks #dungeon meshi #dunmeshi #dungeon meshi spoilers #delicious in dungeon #thistle dungeon meshi #thistle posting #I haven’t seen anyone talk about this yet so I wanted to put it out there #obviously he grows it back out but Hmmmmm #Did the Tallmen advisors to the king know abt hair’s relationship to magic?? possible that they heard about it from somewhere and didn’t #want to take any chances

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[scrambleseggy]

When people think women aren’t capable of misogyny I have to laugh because misogyny isn’t men just being creepy and weird and rating women on reddit. It’s not just statistics on violence and crime stories, even though that is a big part of it.

It’s also republican moms and mean girl sisters who encourage competition between women as peak femininity. It’s also women who think having friends is an equivalent to a bravo TV show that includes hair pulling and slut-shaming. It’s also women who tell you certain things make you ugly and “look like a man.” Women who make fun of feminine features in men. It’s women who think the best way to deal with a patriarchal system is by trying to befriend it so they can try to benefit off of it by “not being like other girls” — the way people boil feminism down to the proximity of femininity and masculinity on the internet really bothers me. Some of the worst misogynists I’ve known in my life have been the republican women I’ve grown up around.

#it kinda reminds me of terfs whos entire politics rely on things they think makes a woman #and its the most dystopic 1950’s housewife shit youve ever heard #feminism #transandrophobia #last tag bc some things ive seen regarding arguments in it seem a little relevant #it’s something I want people to keep in mind #the whole manosphere shit goes beyond just meathead podcasts dudes #like we should all know this by now???

[dudethatsmyundeaduncle]

Had this Headcannon that when Multi-Lingual Dick and Jason get drunk they start singing Ballads in Spanish. Yeah some classical shit like Vicente Fernandez but also the most wild Selena you've ever heard.

#is this a post about Latinx Jason todd? Bitch it might be #Don't ask me about it tho cuz I'll deny it to my core #I imagine jason drunk off his ass belting No Me Queda Mas like he fuckin wrote the song #Dick's got Como la Flor Energy but he has ugly Sobbed NMQS too #they are so infamous for their drunk spanish ballads that they actually rub off on TIm #imagine young justice suprise when the whitest kid you've ever seen wasted on 7/11 liquor is hiccuping his way through a selena song #worst accent you've ever heard sounds like a dog from New Jersey learning to bark and yet the emotion is kinda on point #TIm denies it #refuses to believe he has ever done it #Dick and Jason get a copy of the video and someone edits a mash up of all three of them warble singing that banger #anyway this was a nothing post of nothing I made for myself #fr just for me #DC #Batman #Batfam #Jason todd #Tim drake #Dick Grayson

[kedreeva]

I'm so sorry, I'm absolutely losing it. I went to my neighbor's today to find out what I would need to do to care for their puppy this weekend, and This Fucking Thing appeared ajgldfkjhfg she is a turkey hen. you know, the birds who quite famously look like this

with no feathers on their heads, or very little, mostly along the spine/top of the head... and this gal just rocks up with not only a LITTLE bit of feathering, but almost completely covered. Even her WATTLE had feathers.

I'mc rying

i said, what the hell is going on here? and they were like

her name's Fluffy

#turkeys #turkey #birds #bird #I can't #I wheezed laughing #MA'AM PLS #I have seen some hens with a LITTLE extra feathering #like a thicker mane down the spine #or a little extra around the ear feathers or something #but never like this #this gal heard “bearded hen” and got the SPIRIT all right #look at her little fuckin' eyebrows!!!! #GOD if I wasn't neck deep in peafowl breeding I would take her to breed feathered-headed turkeys #I would just keep picking the ones with the most feathers on their heads until they were plumed

[buildoblivionthenwewilltalk]

#said with love of course #tbf one time it was actually the master 😅 #maybe this time lads #THIS time it’ll be the ra- *gun shots* #doctor who #spoilers #the church on ruby Road #oooo just seen another punter with the meddling monk #if we keep this up we’ll get through the whole deca #other names I’ve heard in the last 15 minutes #romana #rassilon #tecteun #iris #Brax #never change nerds

[batfamhyperfixation]

The Batkids: *all sitting on the floor huddled around a phone*

Bruce, walking up: What are you guys doing?

Tim: We're playing a new game. Its like truth or dare, except it is only dare, and all the dares are decided by a random word generator set for verbs, if we need more context we can randomly generate a noun too. Here, Steph is next, watch.

Steph: *clicks the generate a word button* 'appreciate'? *Clicks for a noun* 'Scene'? Am I supposed to go to a play? Look at the top of a mountain?

Damian: you have to get to the top of the hill, adequately appreciate the scene, and get back before your next turn, otherwise you are out

Steph: *gets up and runs out of the house*

Jason: My turn *presses the randomly generate a word button* Request *presses to randomly select a noun* cookies. Fuck yes! Alfred!

Cass, soaking wet, signing: not fair

Bruce: hey, I saw Dick's car out front, where is he?

Duke: he got 'vanish'

Tim: Still better than that time Jason got 'die'

Damian: me next, 'read'

Jason, walking in with a plate full of cookies: you gotta read and finish Pride and Prejudice before your next turn.

Damian: That's impossible! Without Dick that is only 5 people before me.

Tim: Impossible if you sit here complaining. Better hop to it.

Damian: *running to the library*

Duke, stealing a cookie: you wanna try, Bruce?

Bruce: maybe just once *clicks the button* 'grin'

Tim: Batman has to smile for an entire day fighting bad guys and dealing with the Justice League

Bruce: I don't like this game

#lets just say they didnt trust the other batkids to give them dares so this seemed like a safer option #still laughing that when i was clicking a random one for Bruce it came back with grin #like could you imagine all the villains getting creeped out when batman swoops in to stop them and he just has a huge plastered on smile on #or worse the justice league having to sit through a whole meeting with broody batman forcefully smiling the entire time #dick's laughter can be heard in the background the whole time but no one has seen him for a week #batfam #batkids #incorrect batfamily quotes #incorrect batkids quotes #bruce wayne #tim drake #jason todd #dick grayson #stephanie brown #cassandra cain #damian wayne #duke thomas

[royaltea000]

Would you rather have a twink dad or lesbian daughter

#I have a big crush on chilchuck’s lesbian eldest daughter #I too am the eldest daughter mayjack we have so much in common #listen I haven’t gotten too far into dunmesh yet I dunno if they ever show what his wife looks like #doing on reverse genetics on anime characters #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #chilchuck #chilchack #which is it I’ve seen it written as both #fullertom #packpatty #digital art #my art #commissions open #doodle #i just saw anime clips and heard his voice for the first time in both of them and I dunno man 😭 #whole time I’ve been hearing it as a more tenor grown man voice ya know??? #artists on tumblr #procreate #dungeon meshi fanart #delicious in dungeon fanart

[bagofbonesmp3]

didn’t know you were an only child…… don’t like that *goes back in time and impregnates your dad so you have siblings*

#look i might as well have siblings i haven't seen or heard of my father since i was like 5

[inkskinned]

you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

#writeblr #warm up #my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky #i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles #yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help #for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT #and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen #than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say #''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help #i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.'' #bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't #actually offer fair support to everyone #we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less. #and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help #bc i DID have it better than other people #and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help. #we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn #instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself

[odinsblog]

I mean,…

#lol #the other guys #this is one of those movies ive heard a lot about but have never seen