#seeing you on my dash with your brilliance inspired this post

[isthisselfcare]

Answering a few of the quicker asks today -- I have others I want to write proper posts for at another time, so sorry for the delay! 

Crowded Room by Selena Gomez reminds me of you story. Reading it really is better the second time round :) Thank you sm for your creativity, I believe you have created one of the best written novels (including the published ones) that I've read. Would you consider making a playlist for the story?

I thought Crowded Room was a book and I tried to look it up on my Kindle. Right. It’s a song! My brilliance astounds me. But what a beautiful song. The lines about dizziness and the whole room feeling slow-motion are lovely!

On the playlist, I have a collection of songs that vaguely have to do with the story, which I am going to make a separate post for. Thank you for your kind words! 

Hi, LOVE your story! I read that you’re doing edits so I’m waiting for that to be done before I bind it (personal use). Any chance you will convert those “--” into actual M dashes during editing? Lol sorry for my picky question

You must send me photos of the bound copy if you take any, I love seeing them! And yes, I hope to finish the edits in the next week. So sorry about my lazy dashing (dashed lazy) habits. I’ll see if I find a spurt of motivation to fix those for you. I should note I prefer the spaced en dash over the closed-up em dash -- the former is more common in British publications (more information on the difference). There, a picky answer to your picky question xx 😂

I'd just like to ask what your irl job is? And! If you're planning to post other dhr fics after this?

I don’t talk much about IRL things under this pseud, so sorry. Things are too easy to triangulate and I am keeping isthisselfcare in a separate bubble for various reasons. On future Dramione, I have no plans at the moment (I am rather wrung out -- desiccated, really -- by the effort of the last year’s work) but never say never, etc.! Thank you very much for your interest!

Are you famous in real life? I feel like you should be if you aren't 😂

Haha, no -- I am the height of mediocrity in all things

Would you consider turning DMATMOOBIL into a Netflix show?

Whom would you choose as your cast for DMATMOOBIL?

YES, and I enjoy the implicit assumption that we could somehow sidestep the nightmarish legal kerfuffle surrounding fanfic and make this a reality

As for the cast, I have stared blankly at this question for five minutes. I haven’t really thought about it as I am awful with faces and have more vivid impressions of personalities than physical appearances! I am open to suggestions for my upcoming Netflix show

Hello you fanfic writer I would like to have a pint with, I have a lot of questions for you but the most pressing for me is: is the skull of Mary Magdalene inspired by Morte, the talking skull in the timeless classic RPG: Planescape Torment?

G&T for me, cheers! I have not heard of this game, but Googling it I found “His sole weapon seems to be his mouth, whether by taunting or biting” which sounds brilliant! Someone ought to write an obscure crossover fic. I ship it 

Are u real?

…I am struck by sudden doubt

What's the most bizarre question you've received?

Under this nom de plume, perhaps the one above, haha 

Hi! Excellent work, I enjoyed reading it so much! Thank you for sharing. My question is about the arithmancy scene - do you have a background in math at all? I quite enjoyed your explanations. Either way, how did you come up with your understanding of arithmancy?

I always thought arithmancy should be some kind of magical maths beyond divination and sort of… went with it (though Draco does use the predictive elements of the discipline in his explanation). I enjoy reading about pure mathematics & mathematical logic but it is not an area of specialisation. I am pleased you enjoyed it as that was a rather niche inclusion on my part! 

What happened to fernsy and the trolls 😭

Why is this question so funny?! Fernsby caught the troll pornographer and did not develop a complex!! 

And thank you to everyone who sent me kind words through the asks box, I blush to reblog those but am so touched and will keep them in the inbox to read on grey days

#asks

[chrisbangs]

Hi everyone! Here I am (late as always) but just in time to shower you all with a lil appreciation and love, because after this year, I think we all need it! (Apologies in advance for all the typos I will be making- no I will not proof read this <3)

I just wanted to start off by saying: thank you so much to everyone who has talked to me, become my friend, been kind to me, followed me, supported my content, throughout this year. To anyone who’s ever interacted / complimented / rb’d / liked my gifs and my gfxs, it means the world and I am so grateful and thankful to you. I honestly hit several milestones throughout this year and I just feel so in awe of how many people have supported me. I know 2020 wasn’t kind to many people, but I really did suffer a lot this year, and having people by my side who made me laugh and smile and feel special, made all the difference. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything.

Happy New Year to all my mutuals, followers, and people I follow! Thank you for making this terrible year, not so terrible. 

With all my love, Li / Moon! 🖤🌙🐺

@00hj 🌙 // @2miin // @3noracha 🌙 // @914m // @agibbng // @avocadomin // @bangchans // @banghans 🌙 // @bestiez 🌙 // @binnies 🌙 // @blueprintskz // @binminseok // @changbeanie // @felixies 🌙 // @go-saeng // @hanjin // @huiracha 🌙 // @hwjins // @hyunjins 🌙 // @hyunjinz // @hyunknow // @hyunnie 🌙 // @innielove // @inracha // @jeonginx // @ji-sungs // @jinlix // @jisquish 🌙 // @jypestraykids // @leeknown // @leeminho-s // @leemvnho // @luvknow // @minhos 🌙 // @mydays 🌙 // @ontracc 🌙 // @realstraykids 🌙 // @saintmilky 🌙 // @seoschangbin // @seungminhos 🌙 // @seungminsmile // @strayhags // @straylov 🌙 // @sunnykids // @tightenmydoubleknot // @tuanzie 🌙 // @uayv 🌙 // @wonstal // @yangjeongin // @yangjeonginz 🌙 // @youngke

(If there’s a lil 🌙 by your name, I left a little extra message for you under the cut! Sorry I couldn’t do this for everyone, but please know I love all of you so much and am grateful for the things you bring to my dash!)

@00hj: Karen! Hi angel!!! You’re probably one of my first stay friends which is crazy to me ; __ ; like I really can’t believe it’s already been so long that we’ve known each other... I really just wanted to say that I hope the coming year is warm and kind and good to you because you really deserve it. Thank you for working so hard on straykidsupdate... And you post the loveliest gifs and gfx and are just such a kind soul... You’re such a pillar in this community and I’m so lucky to know and be your friend. Let’s go get some pie some day soon okay? 

@3noracha: Falak! I know I suck at messaging and I’m so sorry for this. I missed your presence on here a lot and I miss all your amazing creations... Just today I saw some of your gfx in my gfx inspo tag and I was just amazed all over again. You’ve always been so kind to me and caring and just such a wonderful friend and I’m beyond grateful to you. I know you’re not as active these days but when you do post stuff it makes me so !!! Like I’m just so grateful to know you!! I hope the coming year will be kind to you!

@banghans: Ollieeeee!!! Hi sweetheart! I know we really only got to know each other this year through the createskz gc, but !! talking to you is so easy and comfortable, and you make me laugh so much. Thank you for always being such a warm person to be around. Everything you make is so lovely please don’t doubt that!! I hope that the coming year we get to talk more and that it treats you well angel! 

@bestiez: Nita ; __ ; Although we’re not really in the same fandoms anymore, you’re still my OG johfam partner in crime. I’m so grateful to have known you as long as I have. You are just one of the kindest, funniest, warmest people I know. Thank you for always coming by and messaging me time to time and making me feel so warm and happy. You’re just a bright ray of sunshine who’s been there for me since so long and I can’t begin to thank you. I hope the new year brings you nothing but happiness and health and good things. 

@binnies: Jem, where do I even begin? I refuse to make this too long or embarrassingly cheesy, because I already do that to you literally every day... But, I’m so so so grateful that we became friends. You made my 2020 so different from how it started. I feel so so so loved because of you. You offer nothing but the kindest of words (except when we’re sleep deprived because then you’re just The Funniest) and I am just so grateful to you. My Twin, My Bangerz Bro (help), My HoneyJem... How lucky I am to have you in my life... You truly helped me get to the other side of 2020 without a doubt in my mind... I feel so lucky that you were there with me... Thank you for everything. I hope the new year is full of love, happiness, and everything you so utterly deserve my babie! 

@felixies: Luna! Hi sweet angel! We’ve known each other a while now huh ; __ ; It feels like it’s already been so long since we became pals, and I just feel so lucky to know you. I know we’ve both been through hell because of stay tumblr (and just in general) but you’re genuinely one of the strongest people I know... You’re so kind and funny and warm and smart and I just feel so lucky to have you in my life as a friend. Thank you for always cheering me on and being so sweet to me. I hope you know how much I love you! I hope you have a wonderful new year angel... You only deserve the best! 

@huiracha: Marie! Hi my sweet angel!!! I know I’ve said it before but, thank you for being such an easy person to talk to and be around. You’re such a comfortable presence who makes me feel safe and comfy to talk to... I think you’re genuinely one of the most talented CCs on here and I’m so lucky to see your gifs and see your work. You’re just so amazing and leave me in awe ; ___ ; Thank you for being so kind to me and always talking with me about SKZ or PTG or Channie... I’m really so lucky to know you and love you! I hope you have a wonderful new year my angel! 

@hyunjins: Hales... The way I don’t even know what to say here except: I love you. I’m so lucky to have you as a friend... You’re truly one of the funniest, best people I’ve come to know in my life. I cannot even begin to explain how much you’ve inspired me and made me feel happy. You’re just such a wonderful person and I am beyond glad we’re pals. Even if our friendship started out as you calling me a furry -___- I wouldn’t have it any other way ; __ ; I am so grateful to you and thankful to you. I love you and hope you have a wonderful new year! I love you!!!

@hyunnie: Kat! My girl! My Dude! One of the most talented stays on this site for real... Everything you make is just loaded with creativity and uniqueness and brilliance- just like you. I can’t tell you how happy I am we became closer this year... Like I feel so happy and lucky to know you and be your friend. You’ve inspired me in so many ways and everything you make is insanely cool. I love you so much Kat!!! I hope you have a wonderful new year and I can’t wait to see what you make next! 

@jisquish: Dia my sweet angel... Happy new year! I hope you know that even if you’re not on much anymore, everytime I see you on my dash my heart lights up a little. I am so glad you were one of my first friends here- even if I didn’t know it at the time. I feel so, so lucky that we’ve stayed friends and that I can talk to you comfortably and easily. You’ve been such a wonderful part of my stayblr experience and I feel like you brighten my life up so much. Thank you so much!! I love you so much!! I hope the coming year is filled with only happiness and good things for you! 

@minhos: Haru!!! Thank you for working so hard for this community. I am so lucky to know you and be your friend, seriously. You’ve made me smile and laugh countless times. Thank you for always just dropping in and checking on me... It truly means a lot to me and makes me feel important and cared for. I love you so much pal! I hope the new year brings you nothing but happiness and love and good things angel. 

@mydays: Moon! Hi sweetheart! I just wanted to say a quick thank you for always being around to talk about Day6 with me and for making me laugh and smile and just for bringing warmth and good things to my dash. Everytime we talk I feel so comfy and happy and lucky to know you. I hope you have a wonderful new year filled with all the good things the universe could bring. Hehe, thank you for always posting moon related content!!! 

@ontracc: Autumn!!! I hope you know how much I appreciate all the lil messages you send me every now and then, just to ask me how I’m doing. It means a lot and I hope you know, I’m grateful! I really hope you know how much I appreciate you and your content and just general presence on the dash and in the dms and in the gc! I’m so lucky to be your pal and I hope the new year brings you happiness and love and all the good things you deserve! 

@realstraykids: Em! ; __ ; First of all, thank you so much for running foryjn with me... I know I have been kinda -___- with updating lately but I’ll be better about it fajiwoefowan... Anyway, you know how much I adore everything you make and I hope you know how much of a giant inspiration you are to me. You’re so creative and talented and friendly and bright and you are just one of the best people I’ve met on here. I just feel so lucky to be your friend and know you and just !!! chat with you! Everytime we talk I’m smiling and feeling happy... I’m so happy we bonded over loving Jeongin... Fr like... Best times!!! Anyway, I hope you know how much I love and appreciate you! Happy new year babie! Thank you for everything you do for stayblr and for me! I love you!!!

@saintmilky: Paige ; __ ; my angel... Thank you for being so sweet to me always. You are just one of those people who makes me smile and laugh so easily... You love frogs and bears and spn and I just feel all these things so deeply in my soul. I keep wanting to message you about SPN and stuff but I get so embarrassed and shy faoweifno... Anyway, I hope you have a wonderful new year and that all the things you deserve come your way!!! Love you my pal!!!

@seungminhos: Bia... My babie... My baba... My soulmate... Where do I even begin... Another year has passed by and so much has happened, and I just don’t know where I’d be without you... There is no doubt in my mind that I am the luckiest person on this earth because I found you and got to be your friend. You’ve made my life a beautiful, bright, fun, endearing place, all through your kindness and love and support. I am so lucky to be your friend and to be able to love you and just to know you... Thank you so much for everything you’ve done for me and been with me for, through this year, through every year. Truly, I don’t think I would’ve made it out of 2020 without you running by my side. I don’t know where I’d be without you, but I’m just so glad that you’re here with me now. That you’ve made my life a very, very special place. Happy new year my sweet angel girl. I wish you nothing but the best, and that everything you’re wishing for comes true my love. Let’s keep on going together in 2021, okay? I love you!

@straylov: Nina! Thank you for being such a positive, warm angel. You bring so much happiness and brightness to stayblr, you’re truly irreplaceable. Your talent for gfx and gifs is just crazy. Everything you make is so beautiful and creative and so amazing; I’m just always in awe of everything you do. I hope you have a wonderful new year full of good things and good people! 

@tuanzie: Jo! Although we haven’t talked that often, I just wanted to say thank you for always being so kind to me and supporting the things I make. Not only that but, you make some of the most beautiful and creative things I’ve seen and I’m always excited to see what you make next! I hope you get to achieve all the things you want in the new year and that only good things come your way. You truly deserve the best angel! Happy new year! 

@uayv: Joyce! I miss you and your beautiful work so much. You truly are one of my biggest inspirations as a gfx maker. Everything you make is beautiful, thoughtful, creative, and just amazing. I feel so lucky to be able to see your work as well as be your friend. You’ll be the bread to my soup always ma’am! I love you so much and hope you know! Thank you for being my pal! Happy new year angel! 

@yangjeonginz: June! Bug Boy!!! My sweet lil angel! Happy new year! I know I already told you last night, but thank you for being by my side during this year. I’m so happy we got around to talking more and became so close! You are just such a bright light in my life and I am so lucky to know you and love you! Thank you for always, always, always making me laugh and for listening to me rant about random stuff... I feel so safe and comfortable because of you. You really were a big reason that I survived 2020 and made it to the other side. Without you, I don’t know where I’d be... Thank you so much angel... I hope you have a wonderful new year filled with love and good memories and everything you deserve. 

#li.ff #li.txt #long post #; ___ ; #this took For Ever... #banner is kinda lame but idc <3 hehfhwioaoieowe :( #i love u all #thank u so much for making this year not so ugly.. #mwah... #hope this tags everyone properly -__-

[bdafic]

hi! you left a really lovely comment on one of my fics ages ago back in 2018 when it was on hiatus. I just want to thank you again for it. I am writing again now! I actually started reading RWTG and it was so! good! that I actually had to put it down because I was worried about being too heavily influenced by it. I am really looking forward to returning to it when my own story is farther along and I can safely enjoy it without fear of stealing from your brilliance. But even though I am (c)

not following the updates in real time I always read your excerpts when you post a new chapter, and it always makes me smile to see the chapter announcements on my dash. Writing such a long fic is hard!!! But every time you update it inspires me to get back to work on my writing. So I just wanted to say that while I am not actively reading and reviewing on AO3 right now I am cheering you on! Thank you so much for sharing your work with the fandom.

This is amazing thank you so much. I have done the same thing with some authors. Just been like “this is too good I cannot deal” and had to pace myself. But many I go back and read when I need to remember what what ‘amazing’ looks like, the same way listening to music can evoke the feelings you want to tap into. It’s virtually impossible not to be inspired or influenced by something you feel is beautiful, but I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. When I first found this fandom in 2016 it was reading @geeky_jez’s Tranquility that made me think I might have the courage to write and post. It was @pushtheheart‘s Slow Arrow and @nerdanel01‘s There Is Only Forward that gave me a framework for what a satisfying slow burn should feel like. @spirrum and circadian_rythm whose short-work flowed like poetry and soothed the stumbling blocks I hit whenever I thought it was impossible to produce anything but sharp, clumsy, garbage. @ellstersmash and @commonevilmastermind‘s introspection, @lavellanpls‘s humour, @soetzufit‘s characterization, @cedarmoons tension, and @feynites‘ lore-building. @corseque has flawless and unapologeticly bold meta that gave me deep insight into characterization and worldbuilding. @nipuni‘s emotional, visceral, art makes the tapestries and stained glass in the church of Solavellan. I could not have ever written a single word of RWTG without these people putting their content out first. Without coming back to it over and over again. They make up the foundation of my experience of learning to author, and especially while I have spent the last year recovering from a brain injury that has impacted both my speech and writing. They are the teachers of the masterclass. If I had credits to run at the end of the story, those names would be at the top.  If anyone wrote or drew or wondered anything because of something I produced, grabbed a phrase from one of my chapters that they went on to build a short story on, shared a vision they went in a different direction with, I love you. You are valid. Fucking do that shit. Be influenced, go on to influence someone else. 

This may end up being a hot take, but I cannot view that as theft. I think that’s the nature of creativity. <3 Thank you for taking the time to send this message.

#Anonimoose

[the-ashen-gm]

30 Day Worldbuilding Challenge #9: Cosmology

What is the Cosmology of your world?

This is one that I’m quite excited to talk about! This will be a long post, so I’ll put a break in to make it less overwhelming on your dash.

First off, I will say that I really don’t like the Forgotten Realms’ alignment-centric model. This is important, because when I first started DMing games in Groppa I actually used this cosmology. Here it is, for reference:

[Image ID: The Great Wheel of the Forgotten Realms. It is a golden disc with many cocentric circles spinning within. Each circle is a different plane, with the Material Plane in the middle. End ID.]

I don’t like this model because 1. there are too many planes and 2. it doesn’t tell me anything interesting about the world and its conflicts. That’s fine because FR is meant to be a generic world for everyone to play with, but it does not suit me. Plus, most of these planes are kind of redundant. Do I really need Hades (the plane of infinite gloom) AND the Shadowfell (the plane of infinite gloom)? A lot of the Lower Planes could just be layers of the Abyss IMO. If you’re going for an alignment thing, do we really need planes for the in-betweens of alignment? Do we need a Lawful Evil, Lawful Evilish, and Lawfulish Evil plane? I say no, we don’t. All this complication is facilitating a very boring Good vs Evil struggle that I don’t care for.

So, without further ado, here is my cosmology (I’m not going to say it’s better, just that it suits me more). It is split into two parts, each of which being a different “view” of the same cosmos. We’ll start with the mortal-centric view, the one that puts the Waking World in the centre:

Part 1: The Wheel of Dreamers

[Image ID: A multicoloured wheel hanging in space. The outer ring goes from green, to blue, to orange, to red, with the words “Plane of Air”, “Plane of Water”, “Plane of Earth” and “Plane of Fire”. Then there is a yellow ring labelled “Limbo” and within that is a green and black yin-yang shape. The green part is labelled “Feywild” and the black “Shadowfell”. Between those two are icons of the sun and two moons. In the middle of all of that is an icon that looks like a green and blue planet. End ID.]

This part is not terribly different to the Forgotten Realms version, aside from the fact that Limbo is now an elemental plane. To sum it up briefly, the point of this cosmology is that the dreams, thoughts, and emotions of mortals (dreamers) is what creates the rest of the wheel. Emotions and dreams create the Feywild and Shadowfell, both planes that mirror the Waking World in the middle but with a higher emphasis on abstractions like mood, tone, and myth. If you have a home in the Waking World, it is sure to be a building packed with memories and associations for you - some good, some bad. But in the Feywild, all your most explosive and hard-hitting memories will be represented literally; for example, that time you had a great birthday party at home will be represented by a family of sprites who spend all their time feasting on a windowsill. Equally, that time you had a flaming row with your spouse will be represented by a burning tree that never goes out. Meanwhile, in the Shadowfell all your cooler associations come to life. All the hours you spent quietly reading or drawing will be represented by ghostly spirits who act out those quiet activities, and every moment of boredom or misery you felt there will echo through the warped hallways as an audible song. 

To sum up, the Feywild takes all the big emotions and makes them literal, and the Shadowfell takes all the long emotions and makes them literal. The thing they have in common is that they’re for processing complex, abstract feelings. This is totally unlike the Elemental Planes. After the soul-stuff that the dreams that made the Shadowfell and Feywild have been processed, they move through Limbo were they are further broken down into something formless and impersonal. Then they are sorted into raw components: Air, Water, Earth, and Fire. These are the building blocks of the multiverse, and exactly what the gods need to continue with their grand project.

That is the purpose of the Wheel. The gods themselves get soul-stuff energy directly from their followers, but that alone is not enough. The Wheel spins and generates more energy for them to use in concert with each other. A god can just about live off the prayers and devotion of their followers, but to keep the multiverse intact they need far more. This brings us to the god-centric view of the multiverse: The Axle upon which the Wheel spins.

Part 2: The Axle of the Gods

[IMAGE ID: A side view of the previous image, with the Wheel of Dreamers represented by a thin line in the middle. Above and below are two iscolose triangles, each with their short edge parallel to the line in the middle. The top triangle is grey, pointing up, and labelled “Mechanus”. The bottom triangle is red, pointing down, and labelled “Hell”. Hell is pointing at another thin line that is barely wider than it is, labelled “Hades”. Below that is a black vortex labelled “The Abyss”. In the background is a purple nebula labelled “The Astral Sea”. End ID.]

The Astral Sea is the home of most gods. Every star you see is its own little world, with gods and other celestial beings living there in eternal luxury. There are plenty of mortals there too, many of whom are essentially either planar travellers (read: pirates) or the exalted followers of the gods. I left the Astral Sea vague because it allows me to come up with any wacky idea for a plane I like and just have it be one of the many realms of the Astral Sea. 

Above the Wheel of Dreamers is Mechanus, (pronounced meck-ah-nuss, not meck-ay-nuss) the home of Primus the god of balance. They used to be a fairly minor god until the Abyss showed up, at which point they were forced to reorganise existence into fighting against it. They placed Mechanus in its current position to oversee reality. Then, they moulded Hell out of the broken planes that had been ravaged by the demons thus far. Placing the disgraced angel Asmodeus in charge of building an infernal army to fight the Abyss, finally Primus contracted Hades and Dread Persephone to position the plane of Hades as the battleground for the war between devils and demons. Thus reality was safeguarded against demonic incursion. The Blood War, as it came to be known, would rage forever. No matter how hard Asmodeus tried to win, Hades and Persephone would subtly alter the course of the war to keep him on the back foot. It’s a dangerous game they’re playing. Go too far in sabotaging Asmodeus and the demons will overrun reality. Let Asmodeus’ tactical brilliance be rewarded and he might conquer the Abyss, thus gaining its infinite power (power enough to overthrow the gods). 

Conclusion

So yeah, it’s not terribly different to the Forgotten Realms’ cosmology. The reason I changed it was two-fold: one, I wanted to make it not all about alignment. Two, I wanted to put the Blood War in as the central conflict of the multiverse. I like the idea of Asmodeus being an ambiguous figure who is both genuinely trying to make up for his past mistakes but is also rightfully angry at his mistreatment by the callous gods. I wanted the struggle between the Abyss and the rest of reality to not be about Good vs Evil but more about this specific “family” of gods trying to defend themselves. I took a lot of inspiration from Greek myth, as you might guess by Hades’ importance to the cosmology. I’m really into the idea of running more “planar” games where you get to go really wild with the environments you can use; central to that goal was creating a cosmology that I could vibe with.

#my30dayworld #dnd #worldbuilding

[writeraquamarinara]

I realize that I’m a day late for a thankful post to end 2018, but yesterday was hectic, and so I figured it would just be better to make a post to start off 2019 instead. While I’d love to throw all this positivity out there onto your dashes, it’s going to be quite a long post, so I’ll be putting it under the cut below.

As always, I want to thank you all for making my 2018 better. Despite it being a hellfire in my real life, you all made me feel so loved and supported whenever I logged on to tumblr and Discord. Being part of this fandom can be stressful at times, but I have to say that it’s brought me some of my best friends in the world, and for that I’m so super thankful.

To @theheavycrown, who welcomed me into the fandom on tumblr and Discord: Thank you so much for being so supportive of all the content creators in this fandom. We would probably fall apart without you.

To @dottie-wan-kenobi, who stayed up with me the first night that we both joined Discord so that I could finish writing my chapter of Little Talks: I love you so much, and I wish you all the best this year. You’ve gotten me through some of my worst times and pushed me to always be a better person and writer. Thank you. <3

To @redundantoxymorons, who always makes sure to check in on me when I’m feeling down: Iz, you’re the most kind, caring person I know, and you never fail to cheer me up when life decides to hit me with a curveball. Thank you for always being there for all the meme minors; I know we all really appreciate it.

To @crepuscolo-writes, whose humor and advice was much needed and always appreciated: Thank you so much for always keeping me smiling while scrolling through my dash. Your commentary? Iconic.

To @justcourbeau, who helped me through so much this year: I don’t think I will ever be able to thank you enough for being my friend. You’re such a light in my life, and talking to you will always bring a huge smile to my face. Sending you so much love for the new year, and hopefully we can finally get that collab going ;)

To @whaticameherefor, who somehow decided to keep me around despite me being the absolute worst beta ever: Thank you for your love and support this year. You’re one of my biggest cheerleaders and I appreciate that more than words can convey. Sorry for being such a mess, lol.

To @itseitheryeetorbeyeeted, who I can always rant with whenever I need to vent: Thank you for being one of my best friends on here. I love your blog so much: cats, PJO, and Bughead? What more could I ask for?

To @ithoughtyoulikedmereckless, who’s so super supportive and kind, especially when I need it most: I’m so glad that you decided to message me a few days ago. Not only because I really needed someone to talk to, but also because you’ve become one of my favorite people. Thank you for being so nice to me. I hope to get the Little Talks epilogue out soon, and only because of all the support you’ve shown me (and it) these past few days. Here’s to a year of not judging our own fanfic too hard.

To @fictitiousoshine, who’s such a wonderful presence in my life: Thank you for always sending me the kindest messages and well-wishes. Wishing you a wonderful and love-filled 2019. <3

To @miss-eee, who always sends me asks and replies to my posts, and overall just makes me feel like my blog isn’t just a pile of utter garbage: Thank you for being so supportive of my writing, and of me in general. I always love hearing your answers to asks and chatting with you. Still haven’t tried those peppermint peanut butter cookies, but I promise that I will very soon.

To @raptorlily, who completely made my morning this year by leaving me so many freaking amazing comments on my fics overnight: Thank you for being such a wonderful reader and supporter. I cannot tell you enough how much your words and comments mean to me, and I often go back and reread them when I’m feeling down. We’re all so very lucky to have you in the fandom.

To @amesjakes, who never fails to provide me with the B99 content my dash lacks: Thank you for being there for me this year. Our conversations are so important to me, as they’ve helped me grow and self-reflect. So much love <3

To @sullypants, whose brilliance inspires me every day: Thank you for being one of my biggest supporters, even when I’m being a bit delusional or stretching the bounds of an art-to-Riverdale match. The art you reblog and comment on is always such a blessing to see on my dash, and you’ve definitely expanded my horizons in the art world this year. Truly, thank you so very much for all you’ve done for me, and the fandom. I really appreciate it. <3

To @panalegs27, whose posts always bring me so much joy: I love seeing your reblogs on my dash, and I’m always so excited when you like or reblog one of my own posts. Thank you for being so supportive of me and others in the fandom.

To @arsenicpanda, whose tags are always a delight to read, especially when reviewing one of my fics: Thank you for being so supportive of my writing this year. I’ve often felt really disappointed by my own writing, and it’s hard to keep going when you don’t have that support from readers, but you were always there to cheer me on with your wonderful comments.

To @awkwardteenwrites, who’s so super kind and runs one of the best blogs around: Thank you for always cheering me up with your posts. Wishing you so much love and happiness in 2019. <3

To @stirringsofconsciousness, who wrote me a fake-dating fic that was so utterly amazing (which you should all read): You’re such a kind, intelligent soul, and we are so lucky to have you in the fandom. Not only are you just a lovely person, but you’re also an incredible writer, and I’m so thankful to be able to read and learn from your work. I’m also not sure that I’ll ever be able to thank you enough for helping me out that day when I was stressed about meeting my new therapist; your words meant more to me than you’ll ever know. <3

To @catthecoder, who wrote me the most wonderful Christmas fic (which you should also go read): Thank you for being so supportive of my writing on AO3, tumblr, and Discord. I’m always so happy to sprint with you, because it’s a great learning experience to read and digest the little snippets you share. Thank you for also just being a super nice person; we always need more of those in the world.

To @jimalim, who created a gorgeous icon for me and had to deal with me throughout the whole process: Your talent amazes me every day--thank you for sharing it with all of us. On top of that, you then go and use said talents to help and support other artists and graphic-makers (in this fandom and otherwise), and that’s so very special. I’m also a not-so-secret lover of Cheronica, and have made it my goal to expand my fanfiction reading of that ship this year; your works are up first. I’m so excited!

I’m sure that I’ve missed a few people, but I feel like I’ve bored you all long enough. To anyone still reading, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for following and supporting me these past few months, and for not unfollowing as soon as you realized what a flaming pile of garbage my blog truly is. Sending you all so much love this year. May 2019 bring you love, happiness, and everything in between.

<3

#happy new year #thank you all for a wonderful 2018 #I hope I didn't bore you too much #blog recs

[silentauroriamthereal]

So. I met Benedict Cumberbatch the other night. 

I’m still processing, honestly, and the big thing that I need to write is another letter to him, one which I assume going in that he will never read (I can’t even imagine the volume of fanmail he must receive!), but I’ll still write it because I need to say it, even if it’s never read. In this post I want to talk about some of the stuff I want to say there, so I’m just kind of working through my thoughts here. 

This is going to be long, and a little emotional, so I’m putting it behind a cut to spare your dashes (among other things!). 

I have a few different things to say about the entire thing. First, let me just go through the evening as it unfolded: 

I managed to buy a ticket to the New York debut of Letters Live. I’ve adored the concept of this event since the first time they held it and when I found out they were doing one in New York right during the tiny window of when I was going to be there, I jumped at the opportunity, though the tickets were uncomfortably expensive for me. There is literally no other living person that I would have been more excited to see perform and potentially have a tiny chance to meet, though, and the timing seemed almost foreordained, so I did it. 

The event was phenomenal. A gigantic wall of a human was seated in front of me - an unpleasant man who was approximately 10 metres tall and 5 metres wide, and I’m 5′4, so... yeah. I waited until after the first act and managed to slip into a much better seat, hahaha! The performance was so well-planned, I thought. The selection of letters was specially curated for an American audience, with most of the content written by Americans. To hear Rose McGowan read her own letter to the Hollywood higher-ups was chillingly powerful, as was hearing Toni Morrison’s letter to Barack Obama. There were several letters funny enough to make me cry with laughter, and to my pleased surprise one of these was read by another well-loved actor of mine, Tom Hollander (who I keep feeling so sorry for these days - people must confuse him with Tom Holland all the time, and they’re not remotely similar, lol). Benedict’s first letter was an absolutely hilarious one that just went around facebook about a month ago, written by a Canadian man apologizing for having absolutely trashed, via a flock of seagulls, his hotel room in Victoria eighteen years ago. He also read one of the Chris Barker/Bessie Moore exchanges with Loo Brealey, and finished the evening with Stewart Stern’s incredibly stirring and moving letter to the family of James Dean following his death. 

Listen: seeing Benedict perform live, with my own two naked eyes, breathing the same air as him - it may sound ridiculous, but that alone was profoundly moving to me. Just seeing him, period. Then seeing him perform - breathtaking. And then hearing him read this particular letter was just - it’s hard to even put it into words. I felt a little as though I was hearing him read what could be his own epitaph. Listen to these words: 

A star goes wild in the places beyond air — a dark star born of coldness and invisible. It hits the upper edges of our atmosphere and look! It is seen! It flames and arcs and dazzles. It goes out in ash and memory. But its after-image remains in our eyes to be looked at again and again. For it was rare. And it was beautiful. And we thank God and nature for sending it in front of our eyes. So few things blaze. So little is beautiful. Our world doesn't seem equipped to contain its brilliance too long. Ecstasy is only recognizable when one has experienced pain. Beauty only exists when set against ugliness. Peace is not appreciated without war ahead of it. How we wish that life could support only the good. But it vanishes when its opposite no longer exists as a setting. It is a white marble on unmelting snow. And Jimmy stands clear and unique in a world where much is synthetic and dishonest and drab. He came and rearranged our molecules.

I mean, this is exactly how I already feel about the nature of Ben’s talent, the privilege I feel at being allowed to experience it in any way, in any medium. He has a talent that lights up the cosmos and I’m just so grateful to the universe that this talent exists and has been given a place to be seen and witnessed by the rest of us. His talent blazes, and my life is the richer for being able to experience it. 

I tried really, really, really hard not to hope too much to have a chance to meet him at the stage door after. It’s kind of impossible not to hope, but I told myself sternly that I already never thought I would have the chance to see him perform in person, and it really would have been enough. I’d joked to my friends before leaving for New York that if he so much as laid his own two beautiful eyes on me and actually saw me, heard my voice, any of that, that I could die in peace. I’ve never expected that, though, to have any sort of fleeting brush of contact like that. It’s not the nature of the way a person like him relates to a person like me. In fact, allow me a tangential paragraph here: 

Being a fan can feel one-sided. I know everything that a person can possibly know about a person whom I have never met. I can guarantee that I have seen, read, or listened to every interview he’s done, ever, with very, very few exceptions. ALL of the press junkets. I could have written his imdb page. Like many of us! I know every line on his beautiful face. I know the freckles on his skin, the tendons of his forearms and calves. I know every part of his physicality that’s ever been shown to the public, and with him, that’s a fair bit! His voice is my ringtone (it’s a clip of Sherlock saying “it’s a text alert; it means I’ve got a text”) and his voice is more dearly familiar to me than most of the people I know personally. I know his facial expressions, though he’s constantly reinventing the way the muscles of his face can move for every new role he plays. I’ve analyzed his accents from a phonetics standpoint. In short, I know everything that’s possible for someone like me to know about someone like him. And he knows nothing about me - not my name, not what I do, not what I eat, not my voice or my talents or my eyes or fingernails or passions or pet peeves - not of my existence, full stop. But that doesn’t mean that our relationship - and bear with me on that word - is one-sided. This is how it works: he gives. He gives and gives and gives. Benedict doesn’t phone it in. He BLAZES. He burned through so much energy playing Hamlet (any wonder, have you seen him in it???) in the summer of 2016 that one of the reasons Dr. Strange had to push back its filming schedule was to give him the chance to bulk up again after the play’s run. Benedict commits, and like the aforementioned star analogy, he radiates energy to every possible point of contact around him. THIS is his side of the relationship: he blazes out his talent/energy/love/passion/commitment, and we receive it, and the appreciation and love and passion we feel in return for it is something that we share with each other, not with him. That’s how fandom works: it’s not a direct thing. Not in the standard, interpersonal way. He shines; we turn to each other rather than to him, to talk about how it made us feel, how it moved us, how it excited us and made us laugh and inspired us. Somehow, this entire experience crystallized this for me perfectly. 

Now, back to the stage door: there was an absolute CRUSH of people at the barricades. I don’t want to talk about this part too much because it was extremely unpleasant. We had to wait for a long time. I would have stayed until he left the building, no matter how long it took, unless it would have made me look like a total creep, because that’s not something I ever want to do to someone I admire. He did come out eventually, and that’s when the pushing and screaming started. I once said that I would never scream at a celebrity, and I didn’t. The crowd, unfortunately, was a mix of three groups of people: 1. aggressive paparazzi 2. aggressive fanboys who had brought comic book shit for Ben to sign so that they could sell it on ebay 3. genuine fans. Guess which group was not at all problematic?? Turns out I was standing right in a knot of #2′s, and because they were hollering at him, like screaming at him to get over there and sign their shit, Ben went over to the other side of the barricade to sign stuff there. He told off one of the paps and said he was there to be with the “real people”, which I appreciated. He did come back near us, and I had the briefest of moments to talk to him. I thanked him for not having become a lawyer, and he laughed. Everyone was thrusting stuff in his face and yelling. I just had my little ticket from the show, and the comic book manchildren kept putting their stuff on top of mine. Ben finally said he was going back inside, that his wife was there waiting for him, but he turned back toward me and I managed to ask (possibly plead) if he would sign my ticket. He looked me in the eye then, smiled, and said, “Of course”. 

I stammered out a congratulations on Patrick Melrose and he smiled again and said thank you, while he was signing. But that one moment of eye contact is all I wanted. He looked at me, and he saw me. And I made him laugh. 

I was literally almost suffocated by the awful people around me, none of which were: a) female, or b) actual fans. I’ve thought sometimes, while watching videos of Benedict on the red carpet, with all of those media folk screaming at him to turn this way, smile into their camera, all of that, that it feels very much like harassment. I know that people in his position know that it comes with the job, that the fame and riches are supposed to be the offset of having no privacy, of being followed by media and fans alike, quite literally, of being shrieked and barked at like they’re trained performing animals (which I don’t like, either!). I know he knows that, but it doesn’t mean that it’s pleasant in any way. He handles it like a pro, because he is in every way a consummate professional. But it can’t be pleasant for him. He’s incredibly, extraordinarily generous with his time. As a performer myself, I know how I feel when I’ve just finished a solo concert or an opera - I feel like taking off my heels and fancy dress, putting on pyjama pants and relaxing every muscle I have on a couch somewhere, preferably with a tall drink in hand. Performing Hamlet is considered one of the most demanding male roles in the English theatrical repertoire, yet Benedict would not only perform it a stunning eight times per week, but then sometimes spend up to THREE HOURS signing autographs and taking selfies after. If he chooses to limit how long he gets screamed at by aggressive, even violent paps and shitheads who just want to use his signature for money, good for him! I respect that, even if I felt incredibly sorry for the people further back who didn’t get to have that, one brief moment of contact with this person we all admire so very, very deeply. And so, because of this, because of seeing firsthand how gross people are to him and just the sheer volume of what he puts up with for our sake, so that some of us, at least, can have that tiny moment, I don’t think I would do it again, if only to reduce that volume by one teeny tiny amount. I got my one, deeply, deeply hoped-for, fleeting, searing moment of contact. It’s all that I could have asked for. He saw me, and I had the chance to say some tiny part of my gratitude to him for what he gives of himself to all of us. That’s all I wanted. 

The wait, the near-suffocation, all of that, was worth it, to win that one precious moment. I clutched my precious ticket and fought my way out of the crowd and wandered dazedly off toward the subway, through late Friday night Times Square crowds, feeling so much that I didn’t even know how to process it. I felt like I was about to burst into tears and I couldn’t have even said why or whether I was happy or sad or possibly a cornucopia of every human emotion ever. I felt - and still feel - a bit like I just had a brush with an actual, blazing sun. It was shattering, and I will be forever changed by it. I am so grateful. 

#benedict cumberbatch #on being a fan

[drizzitwrites]

Musings on Writing

So, I did work on my fic today, and FINALLY got myself out of the scene I’ve been working on for over a week, BUT! The more interesting bit of writing I did came out of my clearing out my brainspace on 750words.com before diving into my writing. It wasn’t intended to be a blog post, but I got it started and I was thinking about some of my insecurities and the things that have been milling about in my mind in regards to this fic over the weekend, and it just sort of shaped up into one. It’s ~800 words (750words.com and all that) so I’ve posted it under a cut to save your dash. I hope you’ll read and enjoy. 

Monday and back to work on writing.

I wish I could remember all the brilliant (or not so brilliant) ideas I had over the weekend about how to revise this story, but I can't. I know I keep reading things or hearing things or thinking things that I am like THAT would make this fic better--usually in the realm of I read a word or turn of phrase in a different fic that I was like oh that's doing this so much better than I'm doing this. Which is helpful to a point, but can also be hurtful or detrimental. Like, I'm not one to say you should never compare your writing to someone else's writing, because I think a degree of comparison can be helpful both as a driver (as in, I want to be better and I want to be competitive with this person who I think is doing some of the best work--applicable across whatever field you happen to be in), but also as inspiration and a guideline. Right? So you can see what someone "successful" (I put that in quotes because it's all relative) is doing and say oh, let me use this as a teaching device. Let me dig in and break down the way they are doing things so I can understand them and then try to incorporate the same principles into my work. So in those respects I absolutely do think it's important to compare yourself against others, especially others that you view as benchmarks.

The problem, of course, with comparing yourself to others is when you are comparing yourself to someone who has been doing something longer or, in short, just has a better aptitude for it, right? Like, you can go too far and obsess over it like oh, but they used this word or did this or that and I didn't even think about doing that, I'm clearly terrible. Okay, maybe. But probably not. The beauty of people is that we all think differently. And we all experience differently. And we all key in on different aspects of the same setting or scene or person or whatever. That's great. Everyone is at a different stage in life and practical experience so you can't get too hung up on comparing yourself to someone you admire, or who is widely admired, because maybe you will be them in five years, but you are not them right now and that's okay. Or maybe, in a year, you will be better than they are. Who knows. The point is, compare yourself to the point of inspiration, but not past it, I think.

Which...it's great that I'm telling you all this because I never actually DO it. I'm always over here like oh I think my fic is pretty good and then I read something that I think is brilliant and I'm like "THROW THIS ALL AWAY, WHY AM I EVEN TRYING!!!" which is the natural place most of us go, but is wholly unhealthy.

I think it's more important to compare yourself to yourself, right. Like, oh a year ago I was here and now I'm here and that's great. This is the part I struggle with. Because I have this idea, which is not an incorrect idea, that every fic has to be better than the last. Which...okay, it's problematic on some levels that I won't get into right now, because yeah sometimes you just need to write something just to write it and whatever, it is what it is. But generally, my aim is to improve with every fic I put out. But! It's harder to see those improvements work to work on the small scale, but if I go back and read what I was writing a year ago this time I'm like...oh...I see so much evolution here. But I never actually DO that, so I'm often just over here feeling frustrated and like "I could be so much better!"

Yes, self, you could. And you can. And you will be. And you are.

The other thing to remember here...and its a thing for ME to remember as much as for anyone else...is that the perfect is the enemy of the good. Like, I can spend weeks and weeks and weeks revising and refining and agonising over this to find just the right word or evoke exactly the right image or I can just decide that this is doing a better than adequate (or even adequate) job of doing what it is supposed to do and saying right, that's sorted, moving on to the next.

Because, for one thing, my idea of perfect is constantly evolving. So what is perfect anyway? Who knows really. I might think it's perfect and then read something someone else wrote and say NO! I SHOULD HAVE DONE IT THAT WAY! and we're back to the beginning. Or, I may never reach "perfect" and never actually finish anything. Neither is the option I want.

As Jonas once told me when I asked him why it took him half the time to finish a certain task than it took me: "Because, SK. I'm a man with a profound sense of 'good enough.'"

Sheer brilliance, as always.

#writing #drizzit writes #thoughts on writing and life #the art of comparison #growing the brand #personal growth

[favoriteliar-archive]

hello everyone! i wanted to do a little shout out to all my mutuals and friends that i’ve made this year, because despite being the shit show it was, 2020 was a year full of many laughs and smiles. and its because of the people i have grown close to here. yes there were horrible parts of the year, but you guys made it better. so thank you, truly.

thank you to all my followers and mutuals. i love all of you dearly and i would not be creating if it weren’t for you guys. to everyone who has ever sent me a kind message, you mean the world to me and i think about our exchanges all the time.

thank you to the discord groups i’m in, especially losers club lockdown, a group of gays, and #squadgoals. you guys have supported me so much and i love each and everyone of you guys.

the rest of this post is going to be a more personal note to people who have affected me and helped me through this year, because you guys deserve that at least.

to @thewonderwoman. diana, you mean the world to me and im so thankful to call you a friend. you made me smile through so many tough times just by being you. thank you for inspiring me and supporting me. i love you so much.

to @bisexualsdean. el, where would i be without you. you make me laugh so much and always bring me joy. i know whenever i need someone, you’re there for me and i am so thankful for that. thank you for that.

to @bisunsetcurve. holly, thank you for being my friend and supporting me. i am so glad we started talking and am so glad to be friends with you. you have always been there for me and i appreciate that so much.

to @iridescentides. dia, you are such an inspiration to me. you’re so creative and full of ideas and may very well be the most kind hearted person on the planet. your positivity has made such an impact on me and i hope i can be a light in someone’s life like that.

to @prettybitching. maura, you are so sweet and passionate and everything i wish i was. you have so much love that you give so freely and i am so thankful that our paths crossed.

to @stevensuptix. geena, i’m legally not allowed to say anything nice to you because that would break my façade of having no emotions. but i will say i’m proud of you. for continuing to try, no matter what.

to @lyrasbelacqua. lyra, my constellation. you are so kind and considerate to everyone and it makes me want to be a better person. i want to be someone like you: warm, passionate, and sweet.

to @mycenterfold. gabby, where do i begin with my appreciation for you. you have supported me so much and i am so grateful for that. you make me laugh and smile, you make me happy, simple as that.

to @kieumyvus. valentina, has there ever been someone as kind as you? you’re always willing to help people, always willing to lend a hand. i know i can turn to you with whatever problem and you would be there, no question.

to @showpig. tuesday, you are such a shining light and i’m so lucky to be able to witness your brilliance. you have supported me, despite not knowing what the hell i’m talking about half the time, and i can’t thank you enough for that. you are such an inspiration to me.

to @lizzie-mcguires. miranda, i wish i could be as sweet as you, as caring. you bring such a sense of home to my dash that makes me feel less on the outside of everything.

to @laufeysons. daphne, you are one of my biggest inspirations. i would see your gifs and say to myself, “i want to do that.” not to mention you have such a big heart that makes me feel like i’ve known you since i was a child.

to @winterstenbrough. wyatt, you are filled with love and compassion despite everything. you brought me such joy when all i needed was somebody to care. thank you for that.

to @tubbcs. eret, i can’t describe why but i feel like you’re my younger sibling and i feel that same kind of love towards you. i am so proud of everything you’ve done and all that you will accomplish.

and to me la, who won’t see this unless i send it to her. i’ve said it a million times but thank you for being my friend. for supporting me and encouraging me. for all the late nights we have together because neither one of us wants to stop talking. i honestly don’t know where i would be now without you.

#just. thank you to everybody. even if i didnt mention you here. i still love and appreciate you #star talks #txt